Monday Night Raw – March 10, 1997: The Skeleton of Greatness

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 10, 1997
Location: Centrum Center, Worcester, Massachusetts
Attendance: 4,088
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

This is the show where everything changes. After years of the same set and look, Raw changes over to the modern look with the metal ramp and huge screen that is still around today, FINALLY making it look like a modern show. We’re getting closer to Wrestlemania which means things are about to get really interesting in a hurry. Bret Hart isn’t pleased with the treatment he’s been getting lately and very soon he’s going to have a chance to get the title back. However, Steve Austin is lurking around and is willing to do whatever he can to ruin Bret’s life. Let’s get to it.

During the opening video, we can hear Finkel telling the fans to make some noise.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Sid to open the show with an in ring chat. Sid isn’t cool with teaming with Undertaker tonight, because he smells something fishy. Undertaker should just stay in the cemetery because he’s getting buried at Wrestlemania. Cue Undertaker to tell Sid to just admit that he’s scared. Undertaker doesn’t have to be his partner tonight because he can deal with Vader and Mankind himself. He drops the catchphrase but here are Bearer, Mankind and Vader to interrupt. Bearer talks some trash and the brawl is on with Sid and Undertaker running into each other as we head to a break.

Rocky Maivia vs. Tony Roy

Non-title. Iron Sheik, Bob Backlund and the Sultan (Rikishi) come out to talk about how they’re going to take Maivia’s Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania. Roy gets in some cheap shots but eats a quick clothesline. Rocky hammers him down as Backlund rants about taking the title. The spinning DDT sets up Rocky’s high cross body (WAY across the ring) for the pin in a hurry.

Sultan comes in and is dispatched just as fast. The legends get taken down as well, allowing Rocky to escape. Tony Atlas, Rocky’s dad’s former Tag Team Championship partner is in the crowd and joins Rocky on the ramp.

Heavy Metal/Pentagon/Pierroth vs. Latin Lover/Hector Garza/Octagon

This was during the WWF’s attempt at topping the Cruiserweight division, despite these guys not being quite as good as Mysterio and Guerrera. Garza and Metal, the two of the three not in masks, get things going as Lawler promises to beat Paul E. Dangerously in a debate later tonight. That goes nowhere so it’s off to Pierroth and Lover, with Pierroth taking over with a clothesline.

Lover comes back with a spinning high cross body and Pierroth is nice enough to stand there so it can connect. Off to Octagon vs. Pentagon (the Jr. of which is currently in Lucha Underground), who look almost identical with black attire and colored masks. Pentagon gets armdragged down and it’s back to Garza vs. Metal. Metal misses a charge to the corner and falls outside but is still able to avoid a charging Garza. We cut to the crowd where a big, muscular woman is sitting in the crowd. Her name hasn’t been given yet but I’m sure you know who she is. Mongolia or something like that. Whoever she is, security gets rid of her as we take a break from the match going on in the background.

Back with the fans LOUDLY calling the match boring. Metal has his foot on Garza’s back before it’s off to Pierroth (I believe part of the heel team) as we go to a split screen of Chyna challenging Bret last week. Apparently Chyna has been arrested. For sitting in a crowd? Now we go to a new split screen for an interview with Brian Pillman who is back from another injury.

Lover dives off the top onto Pierroth, Metal dives onto both of them, and Octagon dives onto that big pile. None of this is acknowledged by the announcers until Garza does his big corkscrew plancha onto the five other guys. As we look at a double feature, Metal rolls up Lover for the pin.

Rating: C-. I assure you, the match was just as disjointed and messy on the show than it sounded here. It was clear that this was just meant as background noise for the storylines going on, which to be fair were more interesting than what we were seeing here. At the end of the day, there’s no reason to care about any of these guys and that played a huge role in the division never going anywhere.

Wrestlemania ad.

Roy Raymond vs. Ahmed Johnson

Johnson has been dealing with the Nation and needs partners to face them in a Chicago street fight. The good sized Raymond tries to get in some cheap shots and actually suplexes Johnson down as the Nation comes out to watch. Johnson doesn’t care for the white rappers though and beats up Raymond instead, setting up an ax kick and the Pearl River Plunge to end the jobber, all with the Nation theme song playing.

Faarooq goes on a rant about his father leaving him when he was a kid and calling Johnson an Uncle Tom. Johnson isn’t scared of the Nation because he has the two baddest men he can find. The entire Nation can come at him because Johnson has the city of Chicago in his corner. Here are the Legion of Doom to join Ahmed and we have a street fight for Wrestlemania.

You would think that would end the segment but JR gets in the ring to interview the new team. Hawk says the game is ready and after Wrestlemania, the Nation is going to look like a pile of raw….sweat socks? Animal asks if the Nation can hear the power of the fans, triggering a big LOD chant. Johnson says all of the Nation look white now, even the black boys. Because they’re scared you see.

New Blackjacks vs. Owen Hart/British Bulldog

Non-title again. Owen cuts off new European Champion the British Bulldog but swears he isn’t jealous. Before the match, Windham says they would win the titles if they were on the line here and Bradshaw accuses Owen of living off Bulldog. He also says Owen has purdy lips and the brawl is on. Owen posts Bradshaw on the floor as the cameras are still trying to master this new set. Bulldog clotheslines Windham outside and we settle down to Bradshaw hammering on Bulldog in the corner.

A split screen gives us Vader and Mankind, who will be challenging for the titles at Wrestlemania, saying the champs aren’t good enough or strong enough. Bradshaw fights back against Bulldog and knocks Owen off the apron. This split screen makes it really hard to keep track of the match. Back to a full screen with Owen backdropping Bradshaw but taking a low blow as JR plugs the hotline. They head outside with Owen going into the barricade before a suplex gets two back inside.

We take a break and come back with Windham breaking out of a sleeper with a jawbreaker as the fans again think this is boring. Owen tries to make a save as Bret vs. Sid in a cage is officially announced for next week. We’re still not done with the storylines during the match as Taz pops up on the split screen and warns Lawler not to keep making jokes about him. Bulldog shoves Bradshaw off the top and the hot tag brings in Owen. Spinwheel kicks drop both Blackjacks and everything breaks down with Owen putting Windham in the Sharpshooter, only to have Bulldog shove the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D. Wrestling wasn’t exactly this show’s strong suit if you haven’t gotten that yet. The ending is much more about building up the friction between the champs than anything else, which was supposed to lead to them dropping the titles at Wrestlemania. There wasn’t much to see here though and the split screens are getting old in a hurry. The Blackjacks went a total of nowhere off this push.

The announcers aren’t sure why the Blackjacks win, even though Bulldog clearly shoved the referee.

Preview of the Slammys, which used to be a separate show and far more memorable, as well as right before Wrestlemania.

As soon as the match is over, here are Taz and Bill Alfonso to get in Lawler’s face. Jerry goes right after him but Sabu dives off the top and right through a table. It’s not clear who he was trying to hit but Lawler seems to approve. Sandman and Tommy Dreamer get Sabu out of there.

Leif Cassidy vs. Miguel Perez

Cassidy is of course Al Snow. Lawler is ranting about Heyman and ECW but switches gears to insult Puerto Rico. We see a clip of Perez debuting a few weeks back in the Manhattan Center and he’s as generic as you can imagine. Perez hiptosses Cassidy over and hits some dropkicks as the crowd is really not interested.

With the match boring everyone to tears, we jump to another split screen with Paul Heyman shouting about wanting to fight Lawler. The other half of the screen is now on Lawler as we can’t see any of the match. For once I can’t say I blame them. Back to the ring with Cassidy working on Perez in the corner but missing a moonsault. You can see the empty seats opposite the camera and there are more emptying as the match goes on. Perez grabs a quick rolling cradle for the pin.

Rating: D. It’s clear that they had nothing better to do here than show the Heyman vs. Lawler stuff. Perez is just another (very hairy) guy who was brought in to fill in a spot on the roster. The company’s energy is starting to build up but there’s still this kind of stuff to get through at times.

Sid shouts that he doesn’t react but reacts reaction. He goes on about the tag match tonight and is ready for the cage match next week. Yeah there’s a major title match six days before Wrestlemania in case you didn’t realize this was a very different time.

Hour #2 begins.

Jim Ross brings out newcomer Ken Shamrock of UFC fame, even though UFC meant almost nothing at this point. Shamrock is going to be the special referee in the submission match at Wrestlemania because he’s a legitimate submission expert. He sucks up to the fans a bit and thanks Vince for letting him appear at Wrestlemania. Shamrock’s only concern is being a fair referee which is all he ever asks in his own fights.

Cue Austin on the screen, threatening to stomp a mudhole in Shamrock if he has to keep running his mouth. Austin isn’t happy with Bret getting a title shot six days before Wrestlemania, but he wouldn’t mind the submission match being for the title. Shamrock doesn’t have his gear tonight but he isn’t going anywhere if Austin would like to come try him out. Instead it’s Bret to a pretty strong but not universal ovation. Shamrock was very shaky on the mic here but to be fair he was brand new at this.

Bret says it’s nice of the WWF to let him finally say something all these weeks after losing the WWF World Title. He’s seen signs with people saying that Bret is crying again, but he’s had it up to here with the lack of justice but he accepts the WWF’s apology by giving him a title match next Monday night inside a steel cage. Sid is good, but next week Bret is going to become a five time champion. That means Austin is the lucky one because he’s going to be receiving a title shot at Wrestlemania.

In something that really affirms Bret’s change of attitude, he flat out says he’s the best submission wrestler in the company with Shamrock standing about five feet away from him. Everyone in the company has screwed him over (oh you have no idea) but he has no issues with Shamrock, unless he tries to screw him over at Wrestlemania. Shamrock says he’ll be a fair referee and raise the winner’s hand. This brings out Austin to flip both guys off and leave. I love how simple that was from Austin. Why give a big speech when you can just do something quick and leave?

This was an outstanding segment and the story of the Attitude Era in a nutshell: Bret, representing tradition and respect, can’t handle it when this in your face new generation is starting to pass him by. The war with Austin carried the company through 1997 and launched Austin into superstardom, but a lot of people overlook how good Bret was in this role. Most people don’t give him credit for how good he was on interviews, but he was able to keep it simple here and nail it with promos like this one. The character is great, the matches were some of the best ever, and the story was perfect.

Here’s Honky Tonk Man as he’s trying to find his new protege. He isn’t wasting his talents on a crowd like this and mispronouncing the name of the town, which is more old school, basic heel work that is almost guaranteed to work.

Billy Gunn vs. Aldo Montoya

Honky Tonk Man joins commentary and Montoya is Justin Credible under a mask. How amazing is it that Billy is still having pay per view matches eighteen years later? It’s one of those things that just doesn’t make sense that you would never imagine at this point. Gunn ties Montoya in the Tree of Woe and stomps away before nailing a running clothesline. An enziguri puts Gunn down and JR reads house show ads to ignore another boring match. Gunn grabs a quick DDT and drops a top rope legdrop for the pin as Sunny is shown in a robe, promising undercover work on Shotgun Saturday Night.

Mankind talks about his mommy and hits himself in the head. The Undertaker thinks he knows him but he’s about to know him even better. He goes on to talk about taking a bite out of a bad apple but we cut to a commercial.

Goldust vs. Tim McNeedy

HHH and Chyna are on the stage to distract Goldust but it really doesn’t work. Goldust hits a running clothesline, sends McNeedy into the corner and nails the Curtin Call for the fast pin.

HHH and Chyna come to the ring but Marlena comes out and jumps on Chyna’s back to a really big reaction. Referees break it up but Chyna shoves them all away with ease and throws one onto the rest.

It’s time for the debate between Lawler and Dangerously with Ross moderating. Jerry goes first and asks why ECW exists. This is the biggest exposure they’ve ever had because they’re a bunch of misfits and thugs, who happen to be surrounding the ring. Dangerously is comically leaning over the podium as Lawler rips on ECW’s obsession with violence as the Eliminators, Taz and the Dudleys look on.

Jerry calls the ECW fans idiots with Honky Tonk Man agreeing. Lawler says ECW couldn’t get a crowd in a big arena in Philadelphia, even though he gets the name of the big arena wrong. Dangerously goes on one of his patented rants about how ECW is about busting themselves to earn the fans’ respect and give them their money’s worth. Cue Sandman, Dreamer and Beaulah with Sandman saying he’s ready to cane Lawler right now.

Lawler says there are four million people watching this but Dangerously is bragging about getting 1100 people. “You can get 1100 people to watch paint dry.” Unless you’re TNA in New York City more than once a week right? They start shouting at each other with Dangerously saying he’s proud of hardcore, so Lawler implies Paul is gay.

Dreamer is ready to fight and the rest of the ECW guys get in the ring. Jerry calls out his friends…..and no one shows up. Lawler is allowed to leave as this segment comes to a strange close. I’m really not sure who I’m supposed to cheer for here as Lawler was in full on heel mode here but he was defending the WWF. This was much more about setting up Lawler actually appearing in the ECW Arena a few months later and then fighting Dreamer on pay per view in August. It was WAY different than anything else they were doing at the time and pretty entertaining but this would be like running an angle with ROH back in 2005.

Mankind/Vader vs. Undertaker/Sycho Sid

Sid has to go it alone before Undertaker comes to the ring. After nearly a minute of double teaming, Undertaker comes out to no music and cleans house, hitting a chokeslam on Vader. Of note here, they made sure to cut the camera angle to a lower shot so you couldn’t see Undertaker not getting him that high off the ground. Little things like that are what keeps starts looking special instead of making everything as realistic as possible and causing people to look human.

Vader and Sid officially get going with Vader in control off a series of headbutts and a big clothesline. A splash gets two on the champ and we hit the chinlock. It’s a LONG one too with Vader holding onto Sid for over two minutes and goes into a break. Back with Sid suplexing Vader but Undertaker is fighting Mankind on the floor instead of taking the tag.

Mankind comes in and drops an elbow but Sid crawls over and makes the tag a few seconds later. Well that missed tag was pretty worthless. A chokeslam gets two on Mankind as Sid and Vader fight on the floor. Sid hits his partner by mistake and the champ gets chokeslammed, setting up a modified Taker Dive, only to have Sid lay Undertaker out with a powerbomb, giving Vader the pin.

Rating: D. The chinlock just killed this match and it never had the chance to recover. Not that it mattered though as this was much more about angle advancement than the match itself. Undertaker was starting to get ticked off near the end there and angry Taker breaking stuff is all kinds of fun. Also, I had forgotten the Taker Dive had debuted at least six months before Ground Zero.

Sid breaks up a post match Vader Bomb and Undertaker beats up Vader for a bit.

Bret promises to win the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a case where the good is REALLY good but the bad is horrible. It was clear that they had no interest in the midcard at this point other than maybe HHH vs. Goldust, because other than the main event and Austin vs. Hart, almost none of the wrestling stuff was worth a thing. Lawler vs. ECW was more about ECW than anything else, but it was really cool stuff to see back in the day. The core is here though and once they fill in the details, this company is going to blow Nitro out of the water.

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Monday Night Raw – January 26, 2015: Episode IV: A New Hope

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 26, 2015
Location: WWE Studios, Stamford, Connecticut
Hosts: Michael Cole, Booker T., John Bradshaw Layfield

This is going to be a special edition of the show as there won’t be any new matches. Due to a very strong blizzard in the northeast, tonight’s show was canceled and tomorrow’s Smackdown has been postponed to a live show on Thursday night. I’d expect a lot of highlights and taped matches on this show so let’s get to it.

We open with a look at the blizzard to explain why things are a bit different tonight.

Opening sequence.

Cole and Booker T. talk about what’s coming, including last night’s World Title match and the Royal Rumble in their entirety and an interview with Brock Lesnar.

JBL is on the roof of WWE Headquarters as the weatherman for the evening. He gets in a funny line about Sasquatches found frozen in ice dying warmer than he is right now. Points for a decent idea at least.

First up is last night’s World Title match. Since I already did the play by play for this show last night, I’ll be copying over the full version from last night, even though it may be clipped on this broadcast.

WWE World Heavyweight Title: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

Lesnar is defending and we get big match intros. Rollins immediately bails to the floor and Lesnar hits the first German suplex on Cena. There’s the second German as Rollins comes in, only to get caught on Brock’s shoulders. The Stooges make the save so Brock suplexes them at the same time. Brock launches Seth back into the ring and Germans Cena again. All Lesnar so far.

Both challengers are easily suplexed again and there’s the Kimura to Cena. Brock even climbs onto Cena but Seth makes the save with the springboard knee to the head and Lesnar is in trouble. A double suplex puts Lesnar down and there’s an AA but Rollins throws Cena to the floor and only gets one on the champ. Both challengers are thrown to the floor and you can see everyone laying as Brock walks around the ring. Seth knocks Brock into the steps for a breather, leaving Cena to beat Rollins up inside.

The fans absolutely hate Cena and are thrilled to have Brock break up the Shuffle with rolling Germans. Rollins breaks it up for some reason though and knees Lesnar out to the floor. Now it’s Cena getting all fired up and cleaning house, only to have Rollins knock him outside. Seth tries a springboard onto Lesna but gets caught on Brock’s shoulders for an F5. John has to make a save so Brock feels the need to throw him down with another German suplex.

That’s not enough for Brock though as he loads up the announcers’ table (and destroys a monitor), only to walk into the AA. Brock doesn’t even stay down so Cena hits another, only to have Lesnar pop up again. A third AA gets two as Rollins makes the save, followed by the Curb Stomp for two with Cena making a save. Now the fans are impressed. Lesnar throws them both down again and goes outside, only to have Cena follow him out and spear the champ through the barricade.

Cena slams him hard into the steps and blasts him in the face with the same steps, knocking the champ onto the announcers’ table. Seth kicks Cena down and goes up for a top rope elbow through the table to put everyone down. That was one heck of a crash as the war continues. Back in and Rollins hits the low superkick for two on Cena but John grabs a popup sitout powerbomb for the same. Lesnar is receiving medical attention as Rollins counters a superplex attempt into the running buckle bomb for two.

Everyone is down again but Cena grabs the STF, only to have the Stooges come in for the save. Rollins plays Reigns in a Triple Bomb as a stretcher comes out for Lesnar. Cena kicks out at two so Rollins grabs the briefcase, only to miss the charge and fly out to the floor. The Stooges take a double AA and Rollins gets the single version but kicks out at two. We cut back to Lesnar who says he wants to stay out here. Cole says Lesnar has at least a broken rib. Rollins enziguris Cena down and the Curb Stomp connects for another near fall.

Rollins busts out a Phoenix Splash but Lesnar CHARGES back in for some German suplexes as Beast Mode is on. Seth flips out of a German though and knocks Lesnar silly with the briefcase, only to have Lesnar pop up with an F5 to counter the Curb Stomp onto the briefcase to retain the title at 22:45.

Rating: A. If there’s one thing WWE can do like no one else, it’s organized carnage. These guys DESTROYED each other for twenty two minutes and I would have believed anyone could have won at any time. Lesnar going into that other level is absolutely terrifying and you believe he could beat anyone at that point. Great stuff here and well worth going out of your way to see. They’re making Lesnar out to be unstoppable, meaning whoever gets to take the title off of him will be a huge star. You might even say they’ll be Reign(s)ing. And yes that was as stupid as it sounded.

This Thursday, Daniel Bryan vs. Kane in a casket match on Smackdown.

Seth Rollins is live in studio for an exclusive interview. Rollins says he deserved to be in the title match at the Rumble because of his skills, not because he brought back the Authority. He did everything he was supposed to do to win the title, including Curb Stomping Lesnar. It’s put him down before, but it didn’t work last night.

The springboard elbow and Phoenix Splash should have won and Rollins was surprised that they didn’t. Rollins even admits that he underestimated Lesnar last night, but Lesnar underestimated him as well. Lesnar may be the World Champion, but he doesn’t have a Plan B. Brock will be here next, and Rollins says he can come take this chair from him. It’s not often that you hear someone admit their best wasn’t good enough and this came off more like a face interview than anything else. I don’t think it’s a turn or anything but we’ll call it shades of gray.

After a break, Lesnar comes up to the interview set and says Rollins has his chair. Rollins gets up and shoves the chair down before walking away. Brock sits down and confirms that he has a broken rib but it was time for him to win last night and that’s what he did. Heyman says they’re not at odds with the Authority because Lesnar is going to be headlining the biggest show of the year. If the Authority has a problem with someone, Brock Lesnar will be there to take them out as long as the Authority pays him what he’s worth.

We look at a clip of Brock breaking the Streak and Lesnar says he won the match due to overcoming and conquering everything in his path, just like he has everything else. After that totally obvious piece of filler, Brock says he’s happy for Reigns and hopes he’s up for the challenge, because the champ is ready. When a steamroller has momentum going, get out of his way. Heyman says Reigns can’t stop Lesnar. “Anything else?” Cole says Reigns will be here later tonight and Lesnar thinks he might stick around.

Lesnar vs. Reigns already sounds better. Not due to anything here as this was nothing special, but because it’s not in the really boring Royal Rumble. I really do think that has more to do with it than anything else. When you get down to just Lesnar vs. Reigns as two monsters clashing, a lot of that hatred is going away and people will calm WAY down over it. Just thinking that it’s Reigns vs. Lesnar at Wrestlemania and forgetting last night makes it feel a lot less annoying and dreadful. That’s a big step forward.

Royal Rumble

90 second intervals and it’s Miz at #1 and R-Truth at #2. The fans immediately want Mizdow but get a headlock from R-Truth instead. Feeling out process to start until Truth gets crotched on top. In at #3 is BUBBA RAY DUDLEY, complete with taped up glasses. It’s Miz getting the big beating and the wind-up elbow has Miz reeling. Truth (appropriately) helps with What’s Up and is even told to get the tables. You know the Philadelphia crowd is up for that. Miz gets back up and eats 3D, allowing Bubba to easily eliminate him.

Luke Harper is in at #4 as Bubba throws out Truth. They immediately start hammering on each other and Harper fights out of the Bubba Bomb before kicking Bubba in the jaw. A big lariat puts Harper down though and the ECW chants revive Dudley. Bray Wyatt is in at #5, complete with lantern. Bubba stares him down but Harper gives us a Wyatt Family reunion as the fans want D-Von. Harper throws Bubba out and it’s time for the big staredown.

They stand in place until Curtis Axel is in at #6 but Erick Rowan (who didn’t qualify for the Rumble) jumps him from behind though and whips him into the barricade, apparently stealing Axel’s spot. Harper looks at Rowan and wants a team up, much to Bray’s excitement. Bray and Harper join forces though and Rowan gets double teamed, only to have Bray dump both of them out to clear the ring.

The Boogeyman returns at #7 and Cole informs us that the guy coming out to I’M THE BOOGEYMAN is in fact named the Boogeyman. Bray smiles at him and stops a charge with a big clothesline, setting up the easy elimination. Sin Cara is in at #8 and Cole sounds bored out of his mind. Cara gets in a kick from the apron but Bray just decks him with a right hand. Sister Abigail connects and Bray is all alone again a few seconds later.

Bray grabs the mic and issues an open invitation because he has the whole world in his hands. Zack Ryder returns at #9, hits the Broski Boot, and is quickly Bray’s fifth elimination. Daniel Bryan is in at #10 to really pick things up. He immediately starts the kicks and has Bray in trouble in the corner. Even more kicks put him down as Fandango is in at #11. Bryan busts out even more kicks and an old school airplane spin but doesn’t throw Fandango out.

Tyson Kidd (complete with his addictive theme song) is in at #12 to slug it out with Bryan before a double cross body puts both guys down. Stardust is in at #13 as we’re firmly in the midcard portion. Cole says this is Stardust’s first Rumble to split a few hairs. We currently have Wyatt, Bryan, Stardust, Fandango and Kidd in the ring. Stardust and Fandango trade skinning the cat saves before Bryan belly to back suplexes Kidd out.

Bray gets knocked through the middle rope and Bryan follows with the Flying Goat, meaning both guys are still in as Diamond Dallas Page is in at #14. Stardust jumps him upon entry but eats a Diamond Cutter. Fandango takes the middle rope version, followed by Wyatt missing a charge and taking one of his own. Rusev is in at #15 and it’s time to clear out some space. He blocks a Diamond Cutter and dumps Page and Fandango, setting up a showdown between Rusev and Wyatt.

Daniel breaks it up with a top rope dropkick and unleashes more kicks, only to have Bray pop up and dump him out far earlier than I was expecting. Goldust is in at #16 as the crowd is just dead. Stardust tries to throw out Goldust (with Cole mentioning that Goldust was eliminated by his brother last year, despite saying Stardust was in his first Rumble. Like I said, splitting hairs) but Goldust saves himself. The fans start chanting for Bryan and them switch to booing.

Kofi Kingston is in at #17, giving us Kingston, Goldust, Stardust, Rusev and Wyatt. Bray catapults him over the top but Kofi skins the cat and comes back in with a springboard shot to the head. Everyone gets into one corner until Adam Rose is in at #18. You can hear every word of the songs now as the crowd just does not care at the moment. Kofi is thrown out but the Rosebuds catch him and walk him back to the apron. Rusev dumps Rose and Kofi a few seconds later and Roman Reigns is in at #19 to a lot less booing than I was expecting.

Roman starts cleaning house and dumps both Dust Brothers, only to get double teamed by Rusev and Wyatt. Big E. is in at #20 to clean house and give us a very powerful foursome of Big E., Rusev, Wyatt and Reigns. Mizdow is in at #21 but Miz runs out to say it’s his spot. Damien finally stands up to Miz and goes in to a good reaction, only to be dumped by Rusev. Jack Swagger is in at #22 and everyone keeps brawling until Ryback is in at #23.

Ryback busts out everyone with spinebusters as JBL incorrectly says Lex Luger is the only man to win the Rumble but never win the WWE Title (Duggan). The fans chant for CM Punk but get Kane at #24, giving us Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Big E., Swagger, Ryback and Kane. Dean Ambrose wakes the crowd up again at #25 and goes right for Wyatt. We get more brawling around the ropes until Titus O’Neil is in at #26 and is dumped in about thirty seconds (counting intro) by Reigns and Rusev.

Ambrose dropkicks Wyatt up against the ropes and Bad News Barrett gets lucky #27. The ring is getting full but no one is in any real danger of being eliminated. Cesaro is in at #28 and joins the fray. Rusev sends Big E. to the apron and then kicks him out to clear the ring a bit. Big Show is in at #29 and everyone stops to stare him down. They all gang up on him but Show shoves everyone down as Kane chokeslams Ambrose. Show does the same to Reigns before the monsters dump Ryback with ease.

Swagger is dumped by the power team as well, tying Kane for the all time record at 39 eliminations. Dolph Ziggler is in at #30, giving us a final group of Wyatt, Rusev, Reigns, Kane, Ambrose, Barrett, Cesaro, Big Show and Ziggler. Dolph has to fight out of the chokeslam from Big Show and dumps Barrett. Cesaro swings Dolph around and gets him to the apron, only to be pulled out for the elimination. Ziggler goes up top and dives right into the KO Punch, allowing Kane and Show to easily dump him, giving Kane the all time eliminations record.

Big Show KO’s Wyatt and dumps him as well, leaving us with Ambrose, Reigns, Big Show and Kane as the final four. Reigns is bleeding from the side of the mouth as the brawl is on. The Shield fights out of a double chokeslam but Ambrose’s rebound clothesline has almost no effect on Show. Reigns knocks Show down and the fans just are not happy. Big Show and Kane double team Roman though before a chokeslam is enough to get rid of Ambrose.

So it’s Kane and Big Show vs. Reigns and the fans are LIVID. Reigns gets sent to the apron but Show tries to dump Kane, triggering a fight that has been going on for over fifteen years now. Reigns sneaks up from behind them and eliminates both guys to go to Wrestlemania at 57:23.

Rating: D+. I’m surprised by this but I really shouldn’t be. They actually went with Reigns vs. the giants to end the Royal Rumble? This match felt like a big tease from the company as they were setting up Wyatt, Cesaro, Rusev, Ambrose and Ziggler for this big showdown but then snatched it away to go with Kane and Big Show as the big monsters. That’s really what they think is the smart idea? And you know we’re getting Reigns vs. Big Show at Fast Lane, probably without Big Show doing a job for him because he doesn’t get pinned you see.

As for the rest of the match…..yeah I liked it, but man alive it was obvious where they were going with about twenty minutes to go. Bryan going out that early is a waste, though I’m fine with him not winning it. He had his big moment last year and it would be foolish to try and recreate it. Bryan can get the title later on in his other big moment and that’s all he needs to do.

The returns were fine but there was no big surprise at the end (that’s fine), and Reigns was just so obvious as a winner. Also, the commentary was getting REALLY annoying with all their stats, some of which just didn’t make sense. I didn’t hate this match, but Reigns is getting wedged into a spot he’s just not ready for whatsoever. Wrestlemania better have an amazing undercard, because Reigns vs. Lesnar is not going to cut it on top.

Post match Kane and Big Show destroy Reigns until The Rock makes a surprise run in for the save. House is cleaned but Rusev is back in! He was never officially elimianted…..so Reigns throws him out to officially win about three minutes after he won in the first place. Again, more teasing.

The Authority comes out as Rock poses with Reigns before letting Reigns point at the sign to end the show.

Reigns is in the studio for a live interview. After a quick question about how amazing last night was, Byron Saxton asks him what he thinks when people say he isn’t ready. Reigns tells a story of his father Sika throwing him in the pool at the YMCA when he wasn’t ready. When he went under, he scratched and clawed his way up and that’s how he learned how to swim, even though he wasn’t ready. As for the crowd last night, yeah he was hoping for a warmer reception but those people paid their money and can say what they want.

Reigns doesn’t know if he’s been handpicked as the next guy, but if he has, it’s an opportunity. He has to lace up his boots and get in that ring by himself to grasp the opportunity. After the match last night, the Rock came down to help him because Rock is family. Reigns hasn’t mentioned that Rock is his family too often but now he goes into the Samoan family tree. The WWE put food on his table when he was a kid and now he wants to thank them by meeting Brock Lesnar face to face both at Wrestlemania, but here tonight.

This was a good performance from Reigns as he sounded FAR more natural here and you could tell he wasn’t reading from a cheesy script. It’s interesting that they’re addressing all the big questions being asked about him instead of just going with whatever lame story they had. I’m not saying it’s going to save things but it’s more interesting than what it sounded like we were getting.

From last night on the post show, Cena was doing an interview when Rusev charged in and took the microphone from him. They got in each other’s faces and the match is on for Fast Lane. Cole acknowledges that it was going to be at Wrestlemania but they’re moving it up.

We look back at Sting returning to help Cena win the main event last week. HHH will call out Sting at Fast Lane.

We get the announcement for the latest inductee into the Hall of Fame: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Some wrestlers do some Arnold impressions. Ryback is actually appropriate as he played a Terminator character in OVW, complete with the Terminator theme as his music.

Dean Ambrose is walking in the snow and comes inside. After a break, Dean is messing with the heater and says it isn’t even that cold here. This morning, he walked through a blizzard and hitchhiked all the way here, got in a fight on a gas station, stole some hiking boots and got here. It’s not unlike the Road to Wrestlemania because he loves dangerous conditions. No matter who or what is in front of him, he’s going to make it to Wrestlemania. He goes off to find out if anyone has any posters of him around here.

The next sitdown interview is with Daniel Bryan, who recaps the start of the YES Movement and his rise to the top of the company, followed by being put out of action by Kane. He feels like he let down the fans because they had supported him to get where he was. It feels like he has to win the title again, just for the people. As for being eliminated early last night, he went into the match thinking that it was the perfect opportunity to go to face the ultimate dragon and get his title back.

But he failed and Reigns rose up and made the most of the situation. Now Bryan never had WWE feed him as a kid but he’s sure Reigns can have a great match at Wrestlemania and do the company proud. He’s going to end Kane in the casket match on Thursday and move on to become champion. This was definitely the weakest of the interviews so far, mainly because Bryan vs. Kane again interests absolutely no one.

Reigns and Lesnar have their big sitdown meeting but Heyman takes over the questions. He’s known Reigns’ family longer than Reigns has known them, all the way back to when he (Heyman) was a kid. He took Yokozuna’s first publicity pictures and managed Rikishi before he was Rikishi, and saw Rikishi’s kids, now known as the Usos, messing around in the ring before a WCW show. Heyman knew Reigns as a boy in Pensacola when his father was wrestling down there.

Paul also knows the Rock, but more importantly, the Rock knows Brock Lesnar. Back in 2002, the Rock ruled the roost around here, but then he met Brock Lesnar. Now Reigns wants to be the next big thing, just like Lesnar was back in 2002. However, that’s not going to happen. The Rock never asked for a rematch with Brock Lesnar because just one match was enough for him. That’s what Rock never told Reigns, because he doesn’t want Reigns to know the truth. Lesnar is the 1 in 21-1, so how is Roman going to handle disappointing his family when he loses at Wrestlemania because he can’t beat Brock?

Reigns stares Heyman down and says he’ll answer that to Brock’s face. He turns to face the champ and says he knows what he signed up for, but Brock doesn’t know what he signed up for. Roman is going to take the title at Wrestlemania, but if he can’t, he’s going to take a piece of Lesnar with him. Lesnar gets right in his face and Reigns stands up. They shake hands and Brock says unlike Heyman, he doesn’t respect Reigns. Roman: “But you will.”

Overall Rating: B. This was exactly the kind of show WWE needed after last night. One of the biggest problems with WWE is they have the most scripted, stuck in a rut feeling to them. Instead, this felt completely different and allowed them to slow down rather than cramming everything into three hours with all the WACKY COMEDY and twenty minute promos all over the place. This show was far more entertaining than I was expecting and gave me new hope for the future.

The Lesnar vs. Reigns stuff was absolutely mind blowing with both guys more than holding their own under Heyman’s masterful direction. Reigns kept this simple and sounded like a gladiator with short lines instead of doing all the scripted nonsense. A simple story about learning to swim made me care about him more than a year and a half of Shield matches. Overall, this was a great show and exactly what WWE needed. It’s also amazing how much better last night’s results feel when you get away from the dull Rumble. That’s a great sign for the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: January 19, 2015

This was another special edition of the show called Raw Reunion, which is another way to have the old guys show up again for no real reason. It’s also the go home show for Monday Night Raw, meaning we need to make sure everyone but Roman Reigns looks great because there’s almost no doubt that he’s going to Wrestlemania. Let’s get to it.

We opened with, of course, a big in ring segment. This time though it was Brock ready to fight and wanting to get his hands on Rollins for what happened last week. Instead, HHH came out to basically blame the whole thing on Lesnar, meaning it was almost time for the boss to get beaten down. That is until STEPHANIE came out to calm things down, because no matter who you are, including Brock freaking Lesnar, can’t do anything to Stephanie.

Of all the Authority, I get annoyed at her the most because of things like this. She’s treated like this demigod and everyone is just in awe of her whenever she’s around, likely because of that horrible rap song of hers. Even when she gets her comeuppance, it’s usually with some stupid juvenile comedy moment and then she’s all evil again the next week. Let someone yell at her or call her out on being annoying for a change. You know, like they do to everyone not named Stephanie.

Anyway, Rollins got on screen and talked smack, then Cena came out and talked even more, then Stephanie (praise be her name! And please don’t let her hurt us with her terrifying yet oh so seductive eyes. And don’t let us hear one of her horribly stupid and pointless interviews she gives to her charity of the month or to whatever low level media outlet will talk to her as she tries to be some polished businesswoman and talks about branding like it’s the most important thing in the history of ever) talked a lot, then Cena made fun of Rollins for screwing up a line because no one ever does that.

They STILL WEREN’T FREAKING DONE THOUGH as HHH put Cena in a match later on against an opponent to be named to get the three fired guys their jobs back. Of course that’s not enough though because Cena had to put his spot in the title match on the line. ONE MORE THING! We’re putting it up to the fans to vote because this segment didn’t drag on long enough. They easily could have cut this down by fifteen minutes and dropped the stupid vote thing, but that would prevent their big idea (more on that later).

Bray Wyatt beat Daniel Bryan in a match that was longer than it needed to be. This was entertaining and Bray won thanks to Kane’s help, but the important idea here is that Bray continues to be Daniel’s Kryptonite. Daniel has never beaten him and just can’t figure Wyatt out. Hogan didn’t pin Piper (until the disasters they had in WCW) and Undertaker never pinned Bret. Having that one guy you can’t solve is a good thing and a necessary element for a big character. Granted it’s not likely going to last because we live in an era where everything has to go as fast as possible, but it’s nice to have now.

We got the Kliq reunion in the back and Mizdow did a pretty excellent X-Pac imitation.

The Royal Rumble Legends Panel saw Hogan, Flair and Michaels do Rumble picks and tell generic stories about their wins. It all wound up being a way to have Big Show come out and look intimidating so Reigns could make the save. We’re still on this story somehow and likely will be until Fast Lane. I’ve said this before about WCW decisions, but I’d love to hear Vince validate Big Show’s position in the company. I mean…..how can they possibly think he has an impact, even to newer fans?

The poll says Cena puts the shot on the line. From what I’ve heard, people who voted no were told they voted yes, as were people who downloaded the App and hadn’t voted yet. This kind of chicanery doesn’t really surprise me, but it’s still very annoying to see. Yeah it was a way get people to download the App, but they should be able to find better ways than this. It was a stupid vote to have and the results should have been obvious. It made the opening segment even longer too and that’s never a good thing.

Dean Ambrose pinned Bad News Barrett. I think I pinned him in a non-title match a few weeks back.

Rumble by the Numbers. That’s still cool.

New Day beat Cesaro and Tyson Kidd in a quick match. I still like the losers here.

The NWO came out and took credit for everything good ever (literally) until Ascension came out. This brought out the APA and New Age Outlaws to beat up the Ascension, because the tag team division is SO deep that you can have old guys beat them up like this. I mean, I could go for another six months of Miz/Mizdow or Dust Brothers vs. the Usos couldn’t you?

Cena is facing Big Show/Kane/Rollins in the main event. As usual, just going through the motions.

Paige and Natayla won your weekly pointless Divas match, defeating Summer Rae and Alicia Fox.

Rusev, R-Truth, 46 seconds.

Lesnar scared Rollins because last week’s big hero moment is totally forgotten.

Jey Uso beat the Miz. I don’t care either.

The three villains destroyed Cena for most of the match until Sting came out and pointed (not at the sign of course. He hasn’t earned that right yet), allowing Cena to roll Rollins up for the pin. Cena ran from the monsters and Lesnar came out to destroy everything in sight to end the show. Of note after the show, there was a kid crying that HHH wanted to hurt Cena so HHH broke character and told him it was ok. I love little things like that and it’s not like it hurt anything. If nothing else he can say it’s best for business to make sure everyone goes home happy.

Overall, Raw wasn’t horrible this week but it really didn’t do much for me. They’re trying to hide that it’s Reigns winning the Rumble, but at the end of the day it’s about as clear as Stephanie’s diamond eyes. Sorry just had to get in a bit more sucking up before she started talking again. The wrestling wasn’t much this week and it was clear they were filling in time, which unfortunately didn’t make me want to see Sunday’s show any more than I already did. Not a fan of this one for the most part, but it had some watchable moments.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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(Updated) Monday Night Raw and Smackdown Canceled This Week

I know the fans were upset but this is ridiculous.Or maybe there’s a horrible blizzard in the northeast and there’s a travel ban in Connecticut. Either way, no live show tonight. It’s not clear what will air instead.

UPDATE! Unfortunately not with Gene Okerlund.

Smackdown will be airing live on Thursday and will basically be Raw cut down by an hour. Tonight’s show will be a studio show.

Royal Rumble 2015: More Teasing Than A 15 Year Old On Prom Night

Royal Rumble 2015
Date: January 25, 2015
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the start of the Road to Wrestlemania and the top two contenders to challenge for the title at the biggest show of the year are Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan. Both are in the Royal Rumble match tonight and there really isn’t another major favorite to win. Other than that we have John Cena and Seth Rollins challenging Brock Lesnar for the WWE World Title in a triple threat. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: New Day vs. Cesaro/Tyson Kidd

This was originally a six man elimination tag with Adam Rose and Xavier Woods added. They may have been dropped due to Woods’ ankle injury. The fans are entirely behind Cesaro to start as Big E. throws Kidd around. Some backbreakers get two on Kidd before Big E. launches Kidd into the air for a dropkick from Kofi. Off to Cesaro and the fans are thrilled. Big E. comes back in and hammers away on Cesaro, much to the crowd’s chagrin. Oh yeah they’re white hot tonight.

Kofi is dragged into the wrong corner for a double stomp with Kidd going much faster than his partner. Cesaro won’t let Kofi tag but he does roll the Swiss man up for two. The Cesaro Swing into the dropkick gets two and we take a break. Back with Cesaro holding Kofi in a chinlock as the fans think New Day sucks. Big E. gets all fired up and wipes the sweat from his brow before slamming Cesaro down for two. Kidd is sent outside and Big E. launches Kofi onto him to almost no reaction. Big E. spears Cesaro through the ropes and off the apron to the floor. I miss that spot. Or any Big E. spot actually.

The referee doesn’t see a tag to Kofi at first but Cesaro backdrops Big E. over the top for a big crash. Cesaro superplexes Kofi for a springboard elbow from Kidd for a very close two. Kofi kicks Kidd to the floor to break up a Sharpshooter attempt but Cesaro gets caught cheating on a sunset flip attempt. Trouble in Paradise is countered into the Sharpshooter on Kofi but Big E. makes the save with a belly to belly. Cesaro knocks the big man to the floor and pops Kofi in the face with a European uppercut, setting up a swinging fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin on Kofi at 11:00.

Rating: B. This got a lot better near the end but the match and commentary really tells you everything you need to know about the tag division at this point. With that one win, after about five losses, JBL thinks Cesaro and Kidd are in line for a title shot. Have we really sunk that low again? Win two matches and you should be the Tag Team Champions? Yet people still don’t want Ascension around? The near falls here were good and I wasn’t sure who was winning until the end, but that’s the first loss for New Day? Really?

The opening video talks about wanting to have your moment and being the one. We transition into a video on the triple threat and how everyone is fighting for the title.

New Age Outlaws vs. Ascension

Ascension needs some steps to come down during their entrance. Cole points out that this isn’t for the Tag Team Titles. That could be because neither team is champions. The fans think Billy still has it as he armdrags Viktor down. Off to Dogg vs. Konnor with the big man driving Dogg into the corner. Viktor’s chinlock doesn’t have much effect so it’s off to Konnor for one of his own. Dogg finally gets up and dives over for the tag to Billy as everything speeds up. The Fameasser misses though and Fall of Man ends Gunn at 5:23.

Rating: D+. This was exactly what it was supposed to be as they’re setting up Ascension against various legendary teams, meaning we’re likely to see Too Cool and maybe the APA laying down for them in the future, setting up the title showdown against Ascension. Granted it’s not like beating the New Age Outlaws means much at this point.

We recap Sting debuting on Raw and staring down the Authority, allowing Cena to pin Rollins to save his spot in the title match tonight and get Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan and Ryback their jobs back.

HHH and Stephanie are annoyed that they weren’t told about Sting debuting. If he walks in here again, HHH is going to destroy him. Heyman comes in and the ECW chants begin. His solution to the Sting problem: Brock Lesnar.

Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow

The Usos are defending and these teams have been trading the titles for the last few months. Mizdow is just ridiculously over. Miz shoves Jimmy into the corner but eats a shot to the face. The corner clothesline puts Jey down but he’s able to crotch Miz on the top. Mizdow does the same but in slow motion for a funny bit. He one ups it by diving into an invisible punch to the ribs before Miz throws Jimmy throat first into the ropes. The Reality Check gets two but Miz still won’t tag out.

The not very hot tag brings in Jey but Miz takes him down for the figure four as everything breaks down. Miz and Mizdow head outside and Jimmy dives on Mizdown with Jey taking out Miz a few seconds later. Back in and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for two on Jimmy. Jey comes back in for a double superkick and the Superfly Splash but Mizdow makes the save. He follows it up with the Skull Crushing Finale to give Miz two on Jey. Miz’s superplex attempt is broken up for a sunset bomb from Jey, followed by the Superfly Splash from Jimmy to retain at 8:22. Mizdow didn’t seem interested in making the save.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here as these teams have run out of things to do to each other. Miz and Mizdow’s split seems imminent and I can’t imagine they make it out of the Rumble without a major showdown. It wasn’t a great match though and they would have been better off with this on the pre-show and the New Day vs. Kidd/Cesaro on the main show.

The expert panel (Booker T., Corey Graves and Alex Riley) talk about the show so far.

We look at the pre-show match.

The Stooges are playing the new WWE Immortals game when Seth Rollins comes in to ask why they’re not helping him get ready. He’s tired of being called the future and wants to be the present.

Bella Twins vs. Paige/Natalya

This is the Total Divas match over who are the real stars of the show. Paige throws Nikki down to start as JBL says the Bellas have been twins their whole life. Off to Brie who walks into a double suplex, allowing the slow crawling cover from Paige. Natalya comes back in and slams Brie down before the Bellas start choking to take over.

The Brie Mode running knee to the chest gets two but Natalya fights out of a headscissors by lifting Nikki into an electric chair. Nikki misses a clothesline in the corner but Brie breaks up the hot tag to Paige. A big forearm to Natalya’s jaw is enough for the pin at 8:06 to end this far too long match.

Rating: D-. Oh come on now. A FOREARM??? They can’t even have Nikki hit her finisher for the pin? If you’re going to have Nikki pin Natalya, at least make this a title match. Oh wait that would be stupid because we’ve seen that match like 19 times now. Again, stop running through matches and save them for shows like this.

Roman Reigns says last year’s elimination record was cool but it’s nothing compared to this.

Stardust talks about the Cosmic Key and Goldust breathes a lot.

Rusev will crush everyone at Wrestlemania.

Miz says he’ll win and Mizdow agrees, but accidentally says he’ll win instead.

Big Show says he’s an angry and motivated giant. Roman Reigns and everyone else in the match will find that out for real.

Fandango says everyone underestimates the power of the tango.

Daniel Bryan thinks he can make it back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. YES he does.

We recap Lesnar vs. Cena vs. Rollins. Cena had defeated Orton to earn a title shot against Lesnar but the Authority added Rollins to the match to thank him for bringing them back. Rollins has started to stand up to Lesnar and even Curb Stomped him, meaning Lesnar wants to kill him too.

WWE World Heavyweight Title: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins

The fans absolutely hate Cena, only to have Brock break up the Shuffle with rolling Germans. Rollins breaks it up for some reason though and knees Lesnar out to the floor. Now it’s Cena getting all fired up and cleaning house, only to have Rollins knock him outside. Seth tries a springboard onto Lesnar, only to get caught on Brock’s shoulders for an F5. John has to make a save so Brock feels the need to throw him down with another German suplex.

Rumble by the numbers.

Royal Rumble

The Authority comes out as Rock poses with Reigns before letting Reigns point at the sign to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This could have been far worse and the Rumble isn’t even very bad, but good grief it felt like they looked at all the cool possibilities they had here and ran away from them as fast as they could to go with the status quo. The World Title match more than saves the show and the Rumble has its moments (some of them at least), but that last ten minutes or so just crippled anything they possibly had out of this match. I actually liked last year’s Rumble better if you can believe that. Just……stop deciding your outcome before you think for two seconds WWE. It would make your fans so much happier.

I’m not even mad at this ending. It’s just…there. WWE decided months ago that Reigns was going to be the guy because of whatever reasons they have and that’s what we’re getting, no matter what else is out there. It’s very dull when you know what’s coming and there’s nothing you can do about it. I can live with that when there’s no better option, but there are indeed better, or at least far more interesting and prepared options, than Reigns here.

Results

Ascension b. New Age Outlaws – Fall of Man to Gunn

Usos b. Miz/Damien Mizdow – Superfly Splash to Miz

Bella Twins b. Paige/Natalya – Forearm to the face

Brock Lesnar b. Seth Rollins and John Cena – F5 to Rollins

Roman Reigns won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Big Show and Kane

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Royal Rumble 2015 Preview

If the Royal Rumble isn’t my favorite show of the year, it beats anything else for second place. The namesake match is so insane and all over the place that it’s hard not to love. In addition to that this year though, there’s an interesting triple threat which could throw a major curve into the Wrestlemania picture. In other words, it’s really hard to predict what’s coming and it’s making things that much more interesting. Let’s get to it.

As usual we’ll start with the pre-show match. I’ll take the New Day to win the six man elimination tag over Rose/Cesaro/Kidd with Woods being the only elimination. There’s no reason to have New Day lose yet, even though they’re just not that interesting. I don’t mind them as much as most people, but there’s no reason to care about them yet. Cesaro and Kidd are a good option as a team but they’re stuck in this role because that’s how WWE works.

Ascension over the Outlaws of course. I like the story it seems they’re going with as Ascension can defeat legendary teams to prove their statements right before they go after the belts, but at the end of the day they’re just going to be beating old guys who barely ever wrestle. This is where you need the commentary team to step up and get the story over, but this commentary team isn’t capable of stepping up and getting a lunch order over.

The worst part about Ascension is they’re a fresh idea for a team, but they were ripped apart so fast coming out of the gate that they weren’t given a fair shake. Look at what Ryback did just a few years ago squashing jobbers: he was challenging for the World Title in the main event of a pay per view just a few months later. The commentary team was in awe of him but they jumped all over Ascension and now the fans want the team gone already. Unless they get to prove the commentators wrong, it’s a waste of their time in NXT and a way to get back to the boring tag division we’ve had for years.

Speaking of the Tag Team Titles, I see no reason for them to change hands tonight. It’s not that the Usos are the most interesting team in the world, but the imminent split of Miz and Mizdow would mean there’s no reason to put the belts back on them. After that though, who else could go after them but the Ascension? Cody and Goldust vs. Usos has been done to death so there’s…..New Day? Is that the point we’ve reached already?

Again, I have to wonder why there’s such a lame tag division when there’s such a deep roster. Could it be that they treat tag teams like such jokes and people aren’t interested in seeing two guys randomly paired together with each other without any effort being put in, ala Kidd and Cesaro? The short version of this way too long statement: bring back tag team names.

The other tag match is an unnecessary Total Divas match between the Bellas and Paige/Natalya. I’ll actually go with Paige/Natalya here to set up the next challenger to Nikki’s title, but it wouldn’t shock me to see the Bellas win again to make sure we don’t forget that they’re the greatest, toughest, most dominant and interesting Divas in the history of the world. I mean, what other Divas go to brunch together and are so amazing that they can’t even keep arguing with each other because they’re so awesome they forget it happened and give us a lame explanation of “we’re sisters”?

Now we get to the two main events, which are both wide open but the more I think about them, the more I think they’re going with the most obvious winners. We’ll start with the World Title match with Lesnar defending (yes really) against Rollins and Cena. The addition of Rollins has breathed new life into the long past done Lesnar vs. Cena feud. I really didn’t need to see Cena dying and then leveling up again to fight the final boss one more time. It may not lead to a different ending, but at least it’s something we haven’t seen before.

On top of that, the buildup of Rollins into a main event guy was great, even though he stopped standing up to Lesnar and ran like anyone else would this past Monday. The image of the two of them staring each other down was awesome though and I totally bought Rollins as a top level player.

As for the pick, I’m taking Lesnar with no cash-in. Unfortunately I think WWE is fine with having no title match from now until Wrestlemania with the thinking being they’ve gone this far with the idea so don’t worry about it screwing up Wrestlemania either. My first reaction to this would be to point you to both the Network numbers as well as Wrestlemania XX and SuperBrawl II. Wrestlemania XX is of course Lesnar leaving and having a HORRIBLE match against Goldberg, but SuperBrawl II is a bit more interesting, as well as pertinent to what we’re looking at here.

Back in 1991, it was clear that Sting was the top man in WCW and the uncrowned World Champion. His first run with the belt hadn’t gone that well but now the people were ready to accept him as the star (that’s quite the lesson: Just because a first reign doesn’t work, the second can be much better. See also Bret Hart and Daniel Bryan) when he won the title at SuperBrawl II. Unfortunately it was Lex Luger’s last match with the promotion and he hadn’t been wrestling that much due to already fulfilling all of his contractually obligated dates. Is this ringing any bells?

Luger went out and put in the minimal effort imaginable for someone actually alive and dropped the belt to Sting in a horrible match. Now this was at SuperBrawl, which was an upper tier show but not the biggest. Can you imagine if this happened in the main event of Wrestlemania? I can accept that Bryan could save the match, but can you imagine Reigns in this spot with only his signature moves to save him? The word disaster isn’t nearly strong enough.

That brings us to who Lesnar will be facing, and I think it’s going to be Reigns. We’ve covered everything possibly wrong with Reigns getting this spot this early in his career, but if that’s what WWE is going to force on us then so be it. I still think it could ruin whatever he has going for him, but it looks like that’s what we’re getting whether we like it or not. I’ll take Reigns coming in around #25 or so and cleaning house to win, likely knocking out Big Show for the final elimination ala Shawn in 1996.

As for the other possible winner in Daniel Bryan, I’m guessing they have someone from the Authority take him out, setting up Bryan vs. Authority II with him facing……Rollins I suppose at Wrestlemania. That would be one heck of a match, but it’s yet another reason why Lesnar vs. Reigns would be a disaster to have on top. Can you imagine those two trying to follow Bryan vs. Rollins if that’s what we get?

As for surprise entrants, I’ll go with Orton (should be obvious) and…….eh sure why not the Dudleys. It’s in Philadelphia and they’ll take some of the pressure off the fans who are going to explode if Bryan doesn’t win again. Oh and Rob Van Dam and/or because you can’t have a Royal Rumble without one of them making a SHOCKING return.

This show feels like it could be very entertaining, but man alive does it feel like it could explode in their faces. This show is going to set the stage for Wrestlemania and that could be the biggest disaster in years if they go with the wrong selections. Unfortunately it seems like that’s where they’re going with it and the fans could rip this show apart if they’re not happy. I don’t think it’s going to be nearly as bad of a reaction as last year’s (primarily due to Bryan at least having a chance), but they’re walking a very tight rope.

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Thunder – September 2, 1999: Sid Can’t Count

Thunder
Date: September 2, 1999
Location: Wendler Arena, Saginaw, Michigan
Attendance: 4,653
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Mike Tenay

We’re getting closer to Fall Brawl and the card is starting to take some shape. The big story coming out of Monday is Luger accusing Hogan of driving the Hummer back in the summer, even though I don’t think anyone was still wondering about that. Sting believes Luger, meaning he isn’t sure if he can trust Hogan, who was totally his best friend who has never done anything bad to him ever. Let’s get to it.

We recap Hogan/Sting/Luger from Nitro and Hogan standing next to the white Hummer. Wasn’t it black at one point?

Opening sequence.

In case you want to check the color, we see the original Hummer attack on Nash. It’s white there.

Clip from the end of Nitro where Sting found Savage and Gorgeous George in Hogan’s locker room.

Here’s Diamond Dallas Page to promise he’s going to take care of Goldberg at Fall Brawl. He was going to do it tonight but then he realized he’s in Saginaw and the fans here don’t deserve it. Instead, he has a replacement for tonight.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Al Greene

Page makes more Mama jokes and gets jumped from behind to start. That’s fine with Page who hits a quick belly to back suplex and neckbreaker to take over. We get a nice variety of choking, stomping and choking as you can feel the televisions changing over to Smackdown in droves. Greene’s lone offense is a jawbreaker, followed by Page ducking a clothesline and Diamond Cutting Al for the pin.

Revolution vs. First Family in a No DQ match for Fall Braw.

Shane Douglas vs. Dave Taylor

The Englishman sends him into the corner to start but charges into a boot, setting up a gordbuster from Shane. After a quick break on the floor, Taylor comes back with some European uppercuts before going after the legs with a very British style offense. Back up and Taylor goes for a middle rope forearm but Shane rolls away, sending Taylor into Regal by mistake. The Pittsburgh Plunge gives Shane the easy pin in a quick match.

Chris Adams comes out with the Union Jack but Benoit makes the save. The First Family and Revolution come in for a big brawl with the Revolution getting the better of it and earning the right to talk some trash.

Berlyn is here. As in WCW, not this show.

Kaz Hayashi vs. El Dandy

In something you don’t often see to start, Kaz charges into a boot in the corner. Dandy doesn’t follow up for some reason and gets armdragged down a few times, followed by a dropkick to send him outside. Kaz speeds things up with a big corkscrew dive but can’t follow up. Back inside and Hayashi charges into another boot to the face (it’s a really bad sign when they’re repeating spots ninety seconds into the match), allowing Dandy to backflip over Kaz without making any contact.

That may not be the smartest move in the world but who am I to doubt El Dandy? Yes that joke has been done to death but what else is there to talk about with Dandy? A couple of slams put Kaz down but Dandy misses a middle rope splash. Back up and Dandy misses a charge but Kaz charges into the third boot to the face of the match. And this guy is supposed to be the next challenger for the Cruiserweight Title? Dandy hits a quick hurricanrana but his superplex is broken up, allowing Kaz to hit a senton backsplash for the pin.

Rating: D. This match ran just over three minutes and they managed to do the same spot three times. I know neither guy is on the high end of the Cruiserweight division, but they really can’t come up with anything better than this? Dandy really wasn’t the best guy in the world to face Hayashi and he kind of jammed up Kaz’s push.

Sid comes in post match for a chokeslam, powerbomb and win #76. Wasn’t he in the eighties just a few weeks ago? With the lights coming down, Sid says Benoit is the only member of the Revolution that stands out and he’d love to beat him for the US Title.

Berlyn is still around. Still not here, but around.

Cruiserweight Title: Lenny Lane vs. Kidman

Hayashi, also known as victim #76, is getting the winner at Fall Brawl. Feeling out process to start with Kidman sending him into the ropes, only to eat a shoulder block. After some championship quality skipping, another shoulder (please not three times in one match again) puts Kidman down. Lane trips over him while running the ropes though and Kidman comes back with right hands.

A headscissors sends the champ down and a dropkick puts him on the floor, allowing Kidman to hit a big dive onto the brothers. Back in and Lenny flips out of a Fameasser attempt before sending him outside for a beating from Lodi. Kidman gets planted with a reverse powerbomb (I’ve always thought that would be a good finisher) and we take a break. Back with Kidman missing a charge, setting up a sexually suggestive waistlock. A gutwrench powerbomb gets….HE JUST POWEBOMBED KIDMAN!!!!! I mean, of all the people that tried, LENNY LANE gets to powerbomb Kidman???

As my mind is trying to comprehend this, Kidman comes back with a powerbomb of his own for tow. The Bodog gets two more but Lane misses a cross body and hits the referee. Cue Lodi for a DDT but it has about all the effect you would expect from a Lodi move. Kidman reverses yet another powerbomb and loads up the Shooting Star, only to have Lodi come in again for the DQ.

Rating: C+. This was getting good and that powerbomb thing was actually a cool moment. I’m sure that’s why the announcers didn’t notice it and just kept going with the match instead of mentioning how rare it was. Lane is decent enough in the ring but I have little desire to see him defending the title against people like Hayashi. It’s just quite the drop in talent, but the match could be a pleasant surprise.

Mysterio comes out for the save. That would be another team that would be better than the Windhams.

Here’s the Revolution for a chat. Benoit talks about Sid saying people need to stand out, so Benoit is ready to step up. Sid is going to have to beat him to death to take the US Title at Fall Brawl and that means more than a powerbomb. Saturn challenges Sid for tonight.

This Week In WCW Motorsports.

Coach Buzz Stern gives his four candidates a pep talk and picks Luther Biggs to be part of his Winners’ Club. Biggs looks like a stoner and falls on his face on the way to Stern’s side.

Harlem Heat vs. Disorderly Conduct

We get the intros this week because Harlem Heat doesn’t have the belts coming in after losing them on a live show. Booker wristlocks Mike to start but they’re quickly into the ropes. Instead it’s off to a hammerlock followed by the yet to be named Book End and the Ax Kick for two.

Off to Stevie for a delayed double suplex, but Mike rakes the eyes to get over for a tag. It seems that WCW has given up on the idea of actually fighting Smackdown and is content to just let them have Thursday nights. Another eye rake staggers Ray but a double clothesline doesn’t even put him down. His double clothesline puts the alliterative pair down though and it’s the hot tag to Booker T to clean house. The Big Apple Blast (Hart Attack with a Harlem Side Kick instead of a clothesline) is enough to pin Tom.

Rating: D. Total squash here which took me back to 1995. Harlem Heat was a good team but they didn’t need to be going after the belts again here. I like having Disorderly Conduct around as a jobber team though as they seem like the kind of team that could possibly score an upset someday but never had any real chance.

The Windhams run in and are quickly dispatched. After a break, the Windhams vs. Harlem Heat for the titles again at Fall Brawl is announced.

Scotty Riggs vs. Prince Iaukea

Riggs jumps Iaukea at the bell as Tenay talks about a golf tournament. Iaukea comes back with a quick enziguri and we’re in a chinlock less than a minute into the match. Oh yeah this is going to be quick. Back up and Riggs hits his dropkick before choking in the corner. Another dropkick and clothesline get two on the Prince before they head outside for even more dull stuff. Just because you go to the floor it doesn’t make your match interesting. Back in and Iaukea misses a high cross body, setting up a Fameasser to give Riggs the fast pin. Thankfully it’s too short to rate, meaning I didn’t have to be bored for very long.

CALL THE HOTLINE!

Ad for Cat-Bo, a parody of Tae-Bo. This was kind of funny so points for that.

Here’s the Cat to challenge….Hogan. That goes nowhere so he promises he can whip Goldberg.

The Cat vs. Goldberg

Miller gets in a superkick with the red shoes. He then gets speared and Jackhammered for the pin in about thirty seconds. Goldberg has his original theme back too and it really does work better than Crush Em.

Goldberg vs. Page video.

Hogan vs. Sting video.

Sid Vicious vs. Perry Saturn

Sid mocks Saturn to start but he might just be asking if Saturn wants to get some cheesecake after the show. Saturn ducks a right hand and low bridges Sid to the floor but the big man casually punches and chokes him down. Back up and Saturn scores with three straight superkicks and a clothesline to send Sid outside. I’m shocked he’s getting in this much offense. That offense ends though as Sid catches his plancha and drops Saturn across the barricade to take over for the first time.

Back in and Saturn nails a quick dropkick but the sunset flip is countered into a chokeslam for….no cover. No word on if that counts as a win or not but in WCW world it probably gives Sid another three victories. That’s actually not the worst story in the world but when it’s at the expense of half the roster, the value takes quite a hit. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Saturn fights up, only to have his cross body countered into a World’s Strongest Slam for two. Saturn makes another comeback and hammers away in the corner, drawing in Steiner for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Saturn’s offense looked good and I’m actually shocked they didn’t have Saturn do the clean job here. It’s almost like they’re protecting the young guys instead of just jobbing them every chance they can get. I’m sure that’s coming later, but it’s nice to get a breather from the same stuff over and over again.

Speaking of getting a break, Sid loads up the powerbomb but Malenko comes in for the save with the TV Title belt. The rest of the Revolution runs out and cleans house. Notice how WCW makes sure that it takes four young guys to get rid of two big stars, which means young guys are ganging up on the old ones and even used a weapon to take them out. This story is pretty backwards when you think about it. A standoff ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Well the booking was less frustrating tonight, but my goodness could they make it any more clear that they’ve just given up on the Thursday night battle in just a week? Sid vs. Saturn in a five minute match is the best they can give us for the main event? The matches were mostly short though and that makes things a bit easier to get through, but it’s still low level stuff and some of the most boring wrestling I’ve seen in a long time.

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2013: He Came Home

Royal Rumble 2013
Date: January 27, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Attendance: 13,00
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

This show was only a year ago and I can barely remember anything about it. Aside from the Rumble the big matches are the Rock challenging CM Punk for the WWE Title in the most obvious ending ever and Alberto Del Rio defending his newly won World Heavyweight Championship against Big Show in a last man standing match. Other than that we’ve only got HELL NO vs. the Rhodes Scholars to complete the card. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro

Cesaro is defending. This is just after Flair passed the Figure Four to Miz, starting the worst period of his career. Miz grabs a headlock to start and gets two off an elbow to the jaw. The headlock takes Cesaro down to the mat but he fights up and grabs one of his own. Back up and Miz tries a leapfrog but gets caught in midair with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. The champion takes over and cranks on both of Miz’s arms before getting two off a Michinoku Driver.

A hard European uppercut sets up the gutwrench suplex for two and it’s back to the double arm. Back up again and Miz slips out of a slam and hooks the Reality Check for two. There’s the running clothesline in the corner and Miz goes up but hurts his knee on the top rope ax handle. Cesaro gets caught with his feet on the ropes, allowing Miz to get two off a rollup. Antonio misses a running knee in the corner but is still able to roll away from the Figure Four. Cesar takes him to the floor and rams Miz into the metal underneath the ring. Miz is out cold so Cesaro Neutralizes him for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. Miz just doesn’t work in a lot of these matches and the Figure Four doesn’t work in the slightest. Thankfully he wouldn’t be featured very prominently for a while as there was just nothing to him for the most part. Cesaro still needs to get a push as he’s more talented and marketable than half the roster but instead we get people like Miz.

The opening video is about time passing and how no one has enough. This ties into Punk’s time as champion with Rock saying the reign ends tonight.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio

Last man standing match, which is a rematch with the same stipulations from when Alberto won the title a few weeks ago. Del Rio turned the announce table on top of Big Show so Big Show turned it on top of him a few weeks later. Alberto is shown in the back and he runs into Bret Hart for no apparent reason whatsoever. Bret says Alberto reminds him of a Mexican version of himself. Alberto calls Bret a Canadian Del Rio and Ricardo gushes, earning him Bret’s sunglasses. What a bizarre cameo.

Some hard chops have Del Rio in early trouble and a slam gets a five count. Alberto chops away but jumps off the middle rope right into a chop to change control right back. The champion dropkicks the giant’s knee out but the low superkick actually knocks Big Show up from his knees to his feet. A hurricanrana and a seated senton put Big Show down and Alberto gets a breather. It’s amazing how much more interesting Del Rio is by doing this lucha stuff instead of his arm work. The arm stuff is good but this is such a nice change of pace.

Big Show blocks the armbreaker with one arm and slams Del Rio down, sending him outside. Del Rio gets back in as Big Show gets a chair but the champion dropkicks him in the ribs to knock it out of his hands. A series of chair shots (crowd: “SI! SI! SI!”) has Big Show down but Alberto dives into a chokeslam for an eight count. We head outside again with Del Rio getting chopped to the floor with ease. This is a very slow paced match so far.

A pair of low blows puts Big Show down in the aisle but he’s up at nine. Show hits something resembling a DDT on the floor before sending Del Rio into the set. He rips a piece of the set, resembling a light tube, and blasts Del Rio over the back. Since this is WWE there’s a table readily available and Big Show takes the champion on top of the set for a chokeslam through the table. The bump looked awesome but he’s again on his feet at nine.

The beating takes Del Rio back to the ring and Show loads up the WMD. Alberto sees it coming and rolls outside, only to have Big Show throw Ricardo around for fun. Big Show misses a charge through the barricade (clearly heavily padded) for five but a long series of chair shots has him down again. Del Rio crushes the arm between the steps and a chair, but Alberto follows up with a fire extinguisher blast to the face for no apparent reason. Back in and the armbreaker goes on, but Ricardo ups the ante by duct taping Big Show’s legs to the ropes. The giant can’t get up and Alberto retains the title.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst match in the world but it was very slowly paced and the ending made Del Rio look more clever than tough. It also doesn’t help that the match was the same gimmick they did less than a month ago. Face Alberto was a nice guy but they cut the cord just six months after this. Not bad, but Del Rio winning the title here would have been much better.

Send Slim Jims to the military!

Ziggler isn’t worried about being in the Rumble and AJ threatens Matt Striker with Big E. Langston for implying Ziggler can’t win. Langston does one of the most mind blowing imitations of an annoying reporter while asking Ziggler for his thoughts on the main event. Dolph has little of note to say but no one was hearing him after Big E.’s bit anyway.

Cesaro says he’ll continue the streak of non-Americans winning the Rumble.

The Prime Time Players……WE’RE GETTING RUMBLE PROMOS!!!! Anyway they say anyone that thinks they’ll eliminate either of them is getting a penalty flag.

Orton says he’s perfect for the Rumble because it’s every man for himself.

Cena is ready for the Rumble because it means he can be champion again.

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett says he’ll restore credibility to the Rumble.

Sheamus says he won the Rumble last year and he’ll do it again tonight.

Ryback isn’t any catchphrase and he doesn’t eat Fruity Pebbles, but he’ll see food every 90 seconds. Feed him more.

We recap Miz vs. Cesaro on the pre-show.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

The Scholars are challenging. Cody kicks Bryan in the ribs as Cole references Queen lyrics. Bryan spins out of a wristlock and the fans chant for Cody’s mustache. Cody’s leapfrog is countered into a surfboard and it’s off to Kane for a low dropkick and a two count. Rhodes scores with a dropkick of his own and drives Kane into the corner for the tag off to Sandow. Kane easily powers Sandow into the corner because, you know, he’s Damien Sandow and it’s off to Bryan for the YES Kicks.

JBL rants about Cole and Lawler hugging as Kane kicks Sandow in the face, knocking him out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT takes out the challengers but Cody low bridges Bryan to the floor to take over. Back in and a half crab has Daniel in trouble but he reverses into a small package to escape. Damien comes in again and drops an elbow for two before dropping the Wind-Up Elbow.

After some knees to the back it’s Cody in again but he charges into a boot in the corner. Sandow breaks up a hot tag attempt and Cody puts Bryan in an over the shoulder backbreaker. Daniel slides down to escape and makes the tag to Kane. Sandow is tossed around like a rag doll but a Cody distraction prevents the top rope clothesline. Kane grabs both guys by the throat and Bryan tags himself in. The Scholars double suplex Kane but Bryan shoves Cody into a chokeslam and Daniel YES Locks Sandow to retain.

Rating: C. Nothing you wouldn’t see on Raw around this time which means it was fine. The Scholars were a nice idea for a team but it was clear that they had no chance at this point given how low their individual stocks were. Kane and Bryan gelled perfectly well as a team and Bryan would get far bigger very soon.

Rumble By The Numbers which I’ve typed many times already.

HELL NO celebrates in the back when Vickie Guerrero comes up and gives them their Rumble numbers. Daniel shows Kane his but Kane won’t show Bryan.

We look at the Royal Rumble Fan Fest which is another name for Axxess. This included a tournament of NXT wrestlers for a spot in the Rumble, won by Bo Dallas.

Royal Rumble

Ziggler is #1 which he picked (the other option was #2) after winning a Beat the Clock Challenge on Raw. Dolph says he’ll win and doesn’t care who he faces first, bringing out a returning Chris Jericho at #2. This was a complete shock and the roof is blown off the building. Also remember that Ziggler beat Jericho to send him out of the company to give us some history. The clock is at 90 seconds between entrants this year.

Jericho is quickly sent to the apron but comes back with a top rope ax handle. Now it’s Dolph on the apron as the fans tell Jericho he still has it. When did Jericho ever come close to losing it? A superplex brings Ziggler back into the ring and Cody Rhodes is in at #3. Jericho hammers away on him but Ziggler gets in a cheap shot as the double teaming begins. Chris knocks Ziggler down and puts Cody in the Walls but Dolph makes the save.

Dolph catapults Jericho throat first into the bottom rope as Kofi Kingston is in at #4. Kofi immediately speeds things up and pounds away on Cody but can’t hit Ziggy with Trouble in Paradise. Ziggler is thrown to the apron and all four guys try to eliminate each other at the same time in the same spot. Santino Marella is #5 and he sends all four to the apron before loading up the Cobra. Everybody is back in and even though Santino takes Kofi down with the sock, it’s Cody backdropping Marella out.

Drew McIntyre of 3MB is #6 and gets to fight Kofi as everyone else takes a breather. Back up and it’s time to lay on the ropes while trying to eliminate people. Jericho is sent over the ropes but he keeps his feet off the ground and gets back in. Titus O’Neil is in at #7 to add some power, including taking Cody and Kofi down with a double clothesline. Cole finally tells us that the bark is a shout out to his fraternity from Florida. Thank you for explaining that to us after two years.

Jericho throws out McIntyre but can’t do the same to Ziggler as Goldust is #8. Cody gets ready for the showdown and the fans are WAY into this. They trade the kneeling uppercuts and Goldie stomps on Cody for a bit. The fans chant for Goldust and it’s David Otunga (remember him?) is in at #9. The announcers ignore the match to talk about the commentators being in the Rumble last year as people start to pair off.

Nothing much happens until Heath Slater is in at #10. That gives us Ziggler, Jericho, Rhodes, Kingston, O’Neil, Goldust, Otunga and Slater at the moment. Slater fires off right hands to Kofi as Jericho calls spots to Ziggler. Dolph gets stuck on the apron again and Sheamus is #11 to clear out some bodies. He destroys everyone with his usual stuff before sending Titus to the apron for the ten forearms. Otunga is thrown onto Titus to get rid of O’Neil before ten forearms and a Brogue Kick get rid of the lawyer. Tensai, still the Japanese lunkhead, is #12.

Everybody goes after Tensai to make a big cluster in the corner. That goes nowhere at all so Brodus Clay comes in at #13. We get a Tons of Funk preview before Goldust backdrops Cody to the apron, only to get pulled to the apron as well. Cody gets back in and sends Goldust into the post for the elimination and a lot of booing. Rey Mysterio is #14 to make the crowd happy again. Ziggler and Jericho get quick 619s and the top rope splash crushes Jericho. Things slow down a bit until we reach the halfway point with Darren Young at #15.

A bunch of guys join forces to dump Brodus and Kofi puts out Tensai a few seconds later. Now we get to the part that everybody was waiting on as Kofi is knocked off the apron, only to land on Tensai’s back. He jumps onto the announcers’ table as he tries to figure this out. Why he doesn’t just jump two feet to get onto the steps is beyond me. Bo Dallas is #16 as this is going on. Instead of the steps, Kofi gets JBL’s office chair and pogos his way back to the ring. Kingston pulls Darren out of the ring but gets caught with the Disaster Kick for the elimination before he can get back inside.

Godfather gives us the nostalgia pop at #17 and is dropkicked out by Ziggler four seconds later. He seems ok with that and leaves with his women. The whole point was the entrance anyway so I have no issue with that. Wade Barrett is in at #18 as the ring is getting too full. Everything slows down again and John Cena is #19 to clear out some tired people. Everybody gets ready for him so Cena comes a charging. John fights them all off and throws out Slater and Cody but can’t dump Jericho.

Damien Sandow is #20, giving us Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Mysterio, Dallas, Barrett, Cena and Sandow. Mysteiro and Barrett fight to the apron and a big forearm puts Rey out. Sheamus goes right after Wade as Jericho tries to put Cena in the Walls. Daniel Bryan is #21 and fires off kicks to Sandow. Now it’s Barrett getting the kicks as everyone else is down. Sheamus and Bryan try to put Jericho out but he slides back in under the ropes.

Antonio Cesaro is in at #22 and gets in a fight with Sheamus as the fans start the dueling Cena chants. Everybody is back up now and Great Khali is #23. It’s chops all around until things calm a bit. Kane comes in at #24 to fire things up again (get it?) but the ring is too full. It gets even worse with Zach Ryder coming in at #25 but HELL NO dumps Khali. Bryan dumps Kane but Cesaro dumps Bryan into Kane’s arms. Daniel: YES! Kane shouts no and drops Bryan for the elimination in a funny bit.

Randy Orton is #26 and it’s powerslams all around. Ziggler and Dallas get a double Elevated DDT and it’s an RKO for Ryder, followed by the elimination. Jinder Mahal gets lucky #27 as Cesaro lifts Cena up, only to be eliminated himself. Ziggler gets launched to the ropes but slides back in as Miz is #28. He gets in a fight with Cesaro in the aisle and limps into the ring to sell the ankle injury from earlier. Sheamus dumps Mahal and Sin Cara is #29.

Cara tries an enziguri on Ziggler which misses by four inches but Ziggler sells it anyway. Bo Dallas pulls Barrett out in an elimination that should have led further than it did. Miz sends Jericho to the apron as Barrett pulls Dallas out from the floor. Ryback is #30 to give us a final grouping of Ryback, Ziggler, Jericho, Sheamus, Cena, Sandow, Orton, Miz and Sin Cara. Damien is out first and Sin Cara quickly follows. Miz tries to power Ryback out and is tossed as well to get us down to six. Jericho is somehow still alive and hits a Lionsault on Cena but the springboard dropkick doesn’t eliminate Sheamus.

Ziggler backdrops Jericho to the apron and superkicks him out (missed as well but he’s spent at this point) but walks into an RKO. There’s one for Cena as well and Sheamus gets the third. That leaves Ryback to fight Orton but the monster gets taken down with an Elevated DDT. Ryback fights off the RKO and clotheslines Randy out to get us down to four. Ziggler DDTs Cena down but a Brogue Kick puts Dolph on the floor.

It’s Sheamus, Ryback and Cena with Ryback getting double suplexed down. Cena and Sheamus make things serious by LOOKING AT THE SIGN. John takes over but Ryback runs him over with a clothesline. Sheamus escapes the Shell Shock, looks at the sign, and hits White Noise on Ryback. The Brogue Kick is countered with a backdrop to eliminate Sheamus and we’re down to two.

They LOOK AT THE SIGN and do their signature taunts before Ryback spinebusters Cena down. The Meathook is countered into the STF and Ryback passes out, leaving him as dead weight. Ryback fights out of the corner and Cena’s head into the mat. He loads up a powerslam but Cena slips out the back and shoves Ryback out for the win and title shot at Wrestlemania.

Rating: B. It’s a good but not great Rumble. That being said, there was almost no other option to win here, even though it set up the rematch that no one wanted to see. There’s certainly some good stuff in it and there were no down spots, but you would expect more big moments than we got here.

Coming Home ad for Wrestlemania. That still should have been Wrestlemania XXX.

We recap CM Punk vs. The Rock. It’s a basic story: Punk has been champion for 434 days and Rock is getting a title shot because he’s the Rock, which was kind of a lame reason, especially when the shot was announced six months ago. That began a countdown that made everything Punk did meaningless, because there was no way it would be anyone but Rock taking the belt from him here. Yeah Punk got in some shots on Rock before the match, but this was as much of a layup as you could get. Also if Shield or anyone interferes, Punk is stripped of the title.

Rock, after waiting for them to chant his name, says he isn’t worried about Shield, even though they busted up his lung recently. He goes on a rant about how many hard things he’s been through, but redeems himself a bit by talking about his mom getting cancer but beating it to be here tonight. Punk has said that the people don’t count but Rock says every single one of them count to him. He reaches his hand out to everyone that believes in the Rock so he can get their power, if you smell what he’s cooking.

Raw World Title: The Rock vs. CM Punk

Punk of course has Heyman with him. He charges right into the brawl and actually pounds Rock down into the corner. A quick Rock Bottom is countered but Punk is sent outside. Rock follows him outside and sends the champion into the barricade before loading up the announce table. Punk comes back with a shot to the ribs and puts the table back together in a great bit. Back in and Rock scores with more right hands to knock Punk to the floor again.

Punk is whipped into the barricade one more time but he gets a boot up to stop a charging Bull. He finishes fixing the announce table instead of following up on Rock before dropping Rock ribs first on the barricade. They head inside again for a body vice from CM followed by a knee to the ribs for two. Off to a freaky looking hold where Punk pins Rock’s shoulders down but pulls back on his head to crank on the shoulders and back.

More choking follows and a knee to the back has Rock on the apron, followed by a springboard dropkick to send him outside. Punk tries a top rope ax handle to take Rock down but injures his knee in the process. Rock scores with some kicks to the knee but the champion easily sends him out to the floor to stop the comeback. Back in and Punk misses the springboard clothesline and reinjures the knee, giving Rock his opening.

A DDT gets one on Punk but he fights out of the Rock Bottom. The GTS is countered into a Sharpshooter attempt but Punk counters into the Anaconda Vice in a nice sequence. Rock rolls over into a cradle, forcing Punk to let go of the hold. Back up and tries the Rock Bottom but Punk counters into a rollup for two, only to be countered into a low seated Sharpshooter. Punk is next to the rope so naturally he takes thirty seconds to get the break.

Rock takes him to the floor and loads up the announce table again. They fight on top but Rock counters a GTS attempt into what was supposed to be a Rock Bottom but was really more like the table collapsing with Rock’s arm around Punk’s chest. Rock comes up holding his knee and both guys make it back in at an eight count. Punk scores with a high kick but both guys are down.

Back up and Rock wins a slugout before scoring with the spinebuster. He loads up the People’s Elbow and there go the lights. Cole can see Shield pulling Rock to the floor and powerbombing him through the table. The lights come back up and Rock is laid out as the referee has no idea what’s going on. The announcers try to tell Mike Chioda what happened and Punk feigns innocence.

He throws Rock back in for the pin and celebrates but here’s Vince to say Punk is stripped of the title for the interference. Rock says no and to restart the match. The bell rings again and Punk stomps away as JBL threatens to put Cole through a table for playing cheerleader. The Macho Elbow gets two but the GTS is countered into a spinebuster, setting up the People’s Elbow to end Punk’s reign.

Rating: B. It’s another good match but it felt like they were dancing around for twenty three minutes before we got to the obvious ending. The Shield stuff was a decent fake out but it really didn’t need to be there. Rock winning was obvious though and that really put a ceiling on how high this was going to get.

Rock celebrates for about three minutes to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Yeah it’s a good show overall, but the major problem is obvious: there was no other possibly ending other than Rock vs. Cena at Wrestlemania 29 and almost everyone knew it. The show is definitely entertaining and actually really good at times, but it was so telegraphed up and down the card that it offers almost no excitement at all, even on the initial viewing. Still though, worth checking out if you have nothing else to do.

Ratings Comparison

Antonio Cesaro vs. The Miz

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Original: B

Redo: C-

HELL NO vs. Rhodes Scholars

Original: C

Redo: C

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B

The Rock vs. CM Punk

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: A-

Redo: B

That original overall rating is too high for what I gave everything else. Also I think the original last man standing match rating is closer to the accurate one. It just didn’t hold up as well on a second viewing, but it was good.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/27/royal-rumble-2013-by-the-book-and-still-awesome/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling – January 23, 2015: The Fastest Two Hours In Wrestling

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 23, 2015
Location: Manhattan Center, New York City, New York
Commentators: Tazz, Josh Matthews

The big story tonight is Feast or Fired, TNA’s big Money in the Bank style match with three potential title shots up for grabs, plus a lone pink slip. This is usually a huge mess but the fallout can change a lot of things going forward. The other situation is the Beat Down Clan walking off with Lashley’s World Title. Let’s get to it.

Feast or Fired

Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards, Samuel Shaw, Magnus, Bram, Rockstar Spud, Austin Aries, Robbie E., Jesse Godderz, DJZ, Gunner, Crazzy Steve

It’s a ladder match with briefcases hanging over every corner. Only four people win and everyone else walks away with nothing, which isn’t the worst outcome. The lights are very low again, likely covering up the low attendance. Again, this is in New York City. There really shouldn’t be an excuse to not draw a thousand people to a wrestling show, assuming the tickets aren’t outrageous.

The match is a huge brawl to start and Steve goes for an early briefcase, only to have Velvet Sky offer a distraction to break it up. She winds up going up and getting a case for Robbie, meaning he gets to leave early. Steve chases Robbie and the Beautiful People off to clear out the ring a bit. Spud goes up but isn’t tall enough to grab the case. Everyone but Shaw and Spud fight to the floor but Gunner pops back in to crotch Shaw. Aries dropkicks Gunner in the back of the head, only to be sent to the floor by Spud. Using Gunner as a platform, Spud climbs up and pulls down a case.

Robbie E. knocks Aries down again but stops to get a kiss from Angelina, allowing the Wolves to kick him down. The Wolves load up a dive but stop due to an Angelina distraction. Aries has the ring to himself and takes down the third briefcase, THEN hits the dive to take everyone out. Bram and Gunner get back in for a brawl on the pole but it’s Magnus powerbombing both guys down, leaving Magnus to take down the last case at 7:41. Bram isn’t pleased with Magnus taking the case.

Rating: D+. I’m sorry for all the play by play in this but there’s almost nothing else to do in one of these things. It’s almost all about the aftermath and if you’re lucky enough to get something fun in the middle like Spud climbing up onto Shaw’s back then so be it. There just wasn’t much to see here but there rarely is in Feast or Fired.

Lashley is coming to the ring.

Magnus says the pressure is on with the case when Bram comes up and says that was his. Magnus isn’t impressed and says calm down because he got Bram his job here. Security has to break them up. You knew this split was coming eventually and it makes perfect sense.

We look back at the BDC beating Lashley down and leaving with the title last week.

A bandaged Lashley calls out the Beat Down Clan to bring him his title. He gets Kenny King minus the belt, who says Lashley is too ungrateful to make it in the BDC. Lashley couldn’t beat Roode without the BDC, where everyone is a potential World Champion. Without blinking, Lashley still wants his title. King says get a referee out here but doesn’t want to wrestle in front of a bunch of people who won’t appreciate him. Cue the BDC to surround the ring for the match.

Kenny King vs. Lashley

Non-title and Lashley is wrestling in an American Top Team (his MMA team) shirt. King hammers away in the corner to start but Lashley throws him down with a delayed vertical suplex and takes off the shirt. Kenny misses a springboard and gets speared down, drawing in the BDC for the DQ at 2:37.

MVP says if Lashley wants his title, come get it in the streets.

Havok vs. Gail Kim

Gail jumps her in the aisle to start and hits a nice cross body off the apron. They head inside for the bell with Havok taking her down in the corner and driving forearms in the corner. Some kicks don’t get Kim anywhere and a bearhug spinebuster gets two for Havok. A hard running knee to the face knocks Gail silly and she’s holding her eye. The announcers say this is a message to Awesome Kong, which would be better than Havok’s current resume. The referee calls Havok off but gets shoved down, drawing the DQ at 4:06. Total destruction otherwise.

Rating: C-. Well they accomplished the goal of making Havok look like a monster, but I’m still not interested in seeing her vs. Kong. At the end of the day, Havok has only been around a few months and probably lost almost as many matches as she has won. It just doesn’t add up to the year plus of dominance for Kong.

Post match Havok grabs Kim by the throat but here’s Kong for the showdown. Havok’s forearm has no effect and Kong clotheslines her to the floor.

We recap Ethan Carter III challenging Jeremy Borash to fight him last week.

Tigre Uno vs. Khoya

This is Khoya’s debut as part of the Revolution. Tigre kicks at the legs to start, drawing Storm up to the apron to slap him in the face. It fires Khoya up to hit a bad looking fall away slam, followed by a Sky High for the pin at 1:04.

Storm says he’ll be facing Matt Hardy tonight and he’s stronger than any demon Jeff has ever faced. He’s stronger than any pill Jeff has taken and any bottle he’s ever drank. There’s always room for one more in the Revolution. That’s quite the promo.

Roode comes in to see Angle and says he doesn’t care about their tag match tonight because he wants Eric Young one on one. Angle says Roode has to focus to win the title back, because if he goes in alone, he’s going to lose. I’m having a hard time getting behind the idea of Roode vs. Young again when Young beat him in the big showdown last week. But hey, why build to a match when you can have it with no build, right TNA?

We recap Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode with Josh saying they’ve been best friends for twelve years. That’s some creative history to put it mildly.

Very quick recap of Feast or Fired.

Spud says he used to be a gopher and now he feels like he’s moved forward in his career. Even if he’s fired, he’s going to punch Ethan Carter right in the face, but it’s worth the gamble.

Eric Young/Low Ki vs. Kurt Angle/Bobby Roode

Angle and Low Ki get things going in a match that might never have taken place before. Ki gets taken down to the match and it’s off to Roode vs. Young. Josh tries to figure out the relationship between Young and the BDC, asking the same question I’ve had: if he has the same enemies and associates and teams with the BDC, why don’t they just add him to the team? Low Ki comes back in and hammers away in the corner for two but gets caught in a superplex, allowing for the hot tag to Angle.

Everything breaks down and the Angle Slam plants Low Ki, setting up the ankle lock but Eric makes the save. Roode puts Low Ki in the crossface but Angle brings in a chair. Joe and MVP come out on the stage for a staredown, allowing Roode to break up the hold with another chair, giving Low Ki the pin at 5:11. Our heroes ladies and gentlemen.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere because we have to get 194 other things in on every episode. However, the faces lose again because that’s what happens in TNA. It’s the same story we’ve gone through time after time now, leading up to what is probably going to be a long, drawn out story of the faces being downtrodden until someone rises up to win a single big match, leading to the heel stable implode over several months. How do I know this? Well seeing it a dozen or so times with almost nothing changes gives you a good idea.

MVP is outside the arena on the street, telling Lashley to come and get his title.

We recap Rockstar Spud splitting from Ethan Carter III and Jeremy Borash being dragged into it by saying he supports Spud.

Ethan Carter III vs. Jeremy Borash

Carter introduces himself because he’s fighting the announcer. JB comes out with Spud and shakes hands with Mark Andrews, the winner of British Boot Camp 2. Carter still has the mic in his hand and does commentary for the match. Borash finally shoves him away and takes the mic. The fans like to tell Carter that he can’t wrestle, but he can’t announce either.

Borash actually nails Carter in the jaw and knocks him into the corner, only to get taken down with a tackle. The beating is on but Carter yells at Spud, drawing in both Spud and Tyrus with the big man dropping him with a heart punch. Andrews comes in with a springboard dropkick as the match is thrown out at about 2:00.

A double dropkick puts Tyrus on the floor and Andrews hits a nice shooting star to take everyone out.

Matt Hardy vs. James Storm

Matt hits a quick running clothesline in the corner to start and they’re quickly on the ramp. Hardy stays on offense by sending Storm into the steps over and over, followed by an elbow from the apron to the back. Back in and Storm puts him on the middle rope for a Backstabber (now called the Lung Blower) to take over. A quick Side Effect gets two for Hardy as the darkness over the crowd is even more noticeable than before. The people there are making noise but the visual is horrible. Closing Time sets up the Last Call but Matt ducks and counters the Eye of the Storm into a small package for the pin at 5:17.

Rating: D+. This really didn’t do anything for me and felt like they were just doing moves to each other until one of them won. I’m really not caring to see Hardys vs. Revolution, but then again I’m not wild on Storm as a Tag Team Champion again. At least it’s better than some of the stupid teams they could have had.

Post match Hardy turns down a handshake offer, drawing in Abyss to help Storm hit a Last Call. Abyss gets out Janice but Jeff Hardy makes the save with a chair. Jeff challenges Abyss for Monster’s Ball next week. Again?

A preview for next week shows Lashley with the title in a pretty big spoiler.

Samoa Joe comes up to MVP on the street but MVP says he has this.

It’s time for the reveal of the briefcases. There’s a World, Tag Team and X-Division Title match and a pink slip. Robbie E. has a camera on a stick to record himself and Velvet Sky’s every move. Rockstar Spud goes first and has…..an X-Division Title shot. Magnus’ case contains…..a Tag Team Title shot. So it’s Robbie E. or Austin Aries with the pink slip or World Title shot.

Back from a break with Aries getting in a Stuart Scott reference by saying he feels as cool as the other side of the pillow. Robbie points out that Velvet Sky grabbed the case and has the footage to prove it. In other words, the case belongs to her. As luck would have it, Velvet is the one getting fired, meaning Aries gets the World Title shot. Robbie gets on the table and dances, shouting that he still has a job, leaving Velvet in tears.

Lashley goes outside and beats up MVP on the street. MVP punches him back and they head inside, likely to avoid getting arrested. The rest of the BDC jumps Lashley and beat him back outside until Roode and Angle make the save with a pipe. Roode picks up the belt and stares at it to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show goes by so fast that it’s hard to tell if it’s good or not. They keep it moving so fast that it’s almost impossible to remember everything that happens, but as usual they’re flying through almost everything they have in a week or two. It’s not a bad show, but they really need to slow down instead of just burning through everything they have. For instance, Lockdown is in two weeks and while you can see most of the card coming from here, the show hasn’t even been mentioned yet because we have to get everything else in. Decent enough show this week but it’s typical TNA.

Results

Magnus, Rockstar Spud, Austin Aries and Robbie E. won Feast or Fired

Lashley b. Kenny King via DQ when the BDC interfered

Gail Kim b. Havok via DQ when Havok shoved the referee

Khoya b. Tigre Uno – Sky High

Eric Young/Low Ki b. Kurt Angle/Bobby Roode – Ki pinned Roode after a chair shot from Young

Ethan Carter III vs. Jeremy Borash went to a no contest

Matt Hardy b. James Storm – Small package

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Saturday Night’s Main Event at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SATPVKW

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2012: Sheamus Can Fight

Royal Rumble 2012
Date: January 29, 2012
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 18,121
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

We wrap things up here with last year’s show. The Rumble is back to the thirty entrant variety which is probably the best move all around. The odds on favorite is Jericho who returned very recently before this show. Other than that we’ve got Daniel Bryan defending his newly won world title against Big Show and Henry in a cage, along with Punk defending against Ziggler. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about going to Wrestlemania.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Bryan is champion and beat Show at TLC by cashing in his MITB case in 45 seconds. Show beat Henry at the same show and ran over Bryan’s girlfriend AJ on Raw to set all this up. This is one fall to a finish and it’s pin/submission/escape. Bryan immediately goes for the corner but Henry pulls him down and Show runs Bryan over for two. Show crushes Henry against the cage wall but has to stop to pull Bryan back inside. Bryan tries to run up again but Show catches him by the ankle and slams him back in.

Show loads up the WMD but hits the cage wall instead. The champion fires off some kicks but gets headbutted right back down. Bryan kicks the knee out even harder and fires off some kicks to Henry to keep the other monster down. He goes for the door but you know this isn’t ending that quickly. Henry makes the stop and demands that the referee CLOSE THAT DOOR. Show superkicks Henry down and it’s his turn to take over for awhile.

Bryan gets slammed down but Henry is back up again. A few punches put Show down because a dozen chair shots usually can’t, but a few punches can. Actually that’s a great way to keep Henry looking strong. The fans are cheering for Bryan as Henry and Show collide to put all three guys down. Show gets back up and clotheslines Bryan down a few times before superkicking him in the face. The chokeslam is countered and Bryan hits a tornado DDT on Show for two.

The LeBell (NO!) Lock is put on Show but Henry breaks it up in about a second. The WMD gets two on Henry but Bryan makes the save, which ticks Show off. Bryan SPRINTS up the cage but Show chases after him and grabs Bryan before he can get out. Bryan sits on the top of the cage and pounds away, only to be caught again. The champion is literally hanging from Show’s wrist before finally letting go and falling to the floor to retain the title.

Rating: D+. This really wasn’t all that great. At the end of the day, it was a lot of the same sequence over and over again with Show and Henry not having a ton of interaction at all. The ending didn’t look great either and I’m not sure why Show would just hold him out over the floor like that. This falls under the category of “…..really?” as it’s hard to buy Bryan keeping the belt here.

Long video on Cena and all the stuff he does for WWE. The man is insanely committed to that company.

Divas of Doom/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Alicia Fox/Tamina/Kelly Kelly

The Divas of Doom are Beth and Natalya. Natalya and Tamina start things off and they collide a few times. Tamina slaps her in the face before chopping Nattie down for two. Off to Eve for that bouncing moonsault for two. Since that’s a pretty lame move, Natalya charges her into the corner and brings in Beth who blocks a rolling splash with knees to Eve’s back.

Off to let’s say Nikki for some basic stomps to the back and a quickly broken chinlock. Jerry is asked what he likes about the Bellas and he can’t even get an answer out. Not hot tag brings in Alicia who is immediately sent into the corner and chinlocked as well. Alicia finally counters by flipping Nikki forward and makes the actual hot tag to Kelly. There’s the screaming headscissors and a faceplant for two. Everything breaks down and almost everyone heads to the floor, where Kelly hits a HUGE dive to take everyone out. Back in and Beth SLAPS herself in to hit the Glam Slam on Kelly for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was your usual Divas match: they did their “sexy” spots, they had barely there outfits, Kelly screamed a lot, Beth beat up Kelly to end things. One interesting note from a year later: would they even be able to put together an eight Divas tag now? I’m thinking through the roster and I don’t know if I can name eight girls on the main shows right now.

We recap Ryder getting hurt at the hands of Kane. This was during the period where Ryder went from one of the hottest things in the company and US Champion to a rag doll that Kane destroyed over and over and over in the span of a few weeks until his push was completely destroyed. Eve blamed Cena for Ryder having his back broken for some reason.

Ryder is wheeled in and patronized by Johnny Ace (remember him?). Ace has a private room set up for Ryder but Eve comes up to yell at Ace first. Not much here but it’s setting up stuff later on tonight.

Kane vs. John Cena

This is when Kane had the welder’s mask look. Brawl to start with Kane beating Cena down into the corner as the fans are split on Johnny. A clothesline puts them both on the floor where Kane is sent knees first into the steps. Back in and Cena can’t hit the AA on Kane. That makes sense as after all, Kane is probably 175lbs lighter than Show who Cena throws around with near ease most of the time.

Kane kicks Cena down and gets two off an uppercut. A suplex gets the same and it’s off to a chinlock. Cena fights up and is sent into the buckle for his efforts followed by Kane’s stupid smother hold. John tries to counter into a Crossface but Kane comes out with a side slam. The idea here is that Cena can’t get anything going at all. The top rope clothesline takes Cena’s head off but Cena pops up and hits his shoulder block.

The Shuffle is countered by a grab of Cena’s throat and a big boot gets two. Cena blocks a superplex and hits the Shuffle off the top. That’s certainly a new one. The AA is countered by an elbow to the face and Kane kicks Cena out to the floor. Booker talks about how Cena is a good kid. I don’t think I ever recall Cena being called a kid since like 2004. Kane pounds on Cena in the aisle and that’s a double countout so we can do this match again next month.

Rating: D+. I know that’s a common theme tonight but it fits here again. These two didn’t work all that well together and the story was even worse. Then again, this was nothing more than giving Cena something to do for a few months until he could get ready for the biggest match of his career. This didn’t work for the most part.

The fight continues into the back where Kane finds a chair to lay to lay out Cena. To the shock of no one paying attention, Kane finds the door to Ryder’s private room and kicks the door in. Ryder is taken to the ring and tombstoned as Eve screams. Cena comes out to try to save Eve but gets chokeslammed by Kane who walks away. Ryder does a stretcher job, but somehow it would get even worse for him in the coming weeks.

BE A STAR!

Zack is wheeled out and Cena is booed for it. That’s the part of this story that never held up for me: why is this Cena’s responsibility? Ryder was the United States Champion. He should be able to defend himself.

We get a video on the Rock just like Cena got earlier. It’s shot in the back of Rock’s car and is more like a mini documentary. It focuses on how insane Rock’s life is and all of the stuff he does around the world.

Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay

This is right after Brodus re-debuted as the Funkasaurus so he was still a new character at this point. Brodus dances a lot, Drew punches him in the corner, Brodus headbutts him and hits the cross body (called WHAT THE FUNK) for the pin in about a minute.

Buy Slim Jims! For the troops!

We recap Punk vs. Ziggler who is challenging Punk on Ace’s behalf. This is during the “Ace is boring” phase where Punk made fun of him no matter what he did, so Ace helped Ziggler get a win over Punk to earn a title shot. Ace is also guest referee tonight just because. He’s openly admitted he’s going to screw Punk out of the title tonight, so HHH is going to evaluate his job status the next night on Raw, meaning Ace has to play nice.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Punk is defending and Ace is referee. Johnny Ace is John Laurinitis but that’s a hard name to spell. Before the match, Ace says he’ll be the outside referee. Ok then. Wait we’re still not ready to go as Ace throws Vickie out as well. We finally get going and Ziggler tries a quick Fameasser which is countered into a failed GTS attempt. Punk tells Dolph it was that close. They feel each other out a bit longer until Ziggler starts strutting.

Punk finally gets his hands on Ziggler and puts on an abdominal stretch, complete with a wrapped toe and slicking back his hair ala Ziggler. Dolph heads to the floor and gets taken out by a suicide dive but shoves Punk off the top rope once they get back inside. Ziggler drops about eight elbows in a row and a jumping version gets two. We hit the chinlock with Ziggler cranking on the head way more than necessary.

The champ starts firing off chops and strikes before getting caught in the sleeper. That goes nowhere but neither does Punk’s Anaconda Vice attempt. Back to the sleeper but Dolph can’t get it on all the way. Instead there’s a perfect dropkick for two on Punk but the Fameasser is countered into a helicopter bomb for two. A swinging neckbreaker by the champ puts Dolph into the corner where the knee/bulldog combination actually works.

The GTS is countered into a slingshot but Punk lands on the middle rope. He comes off with a spinning cross body but Ziggler rolls through for a near fall in a cool sequence. The high kick gets two for Punk as does the Macho Elbow, drawing a Randy Savage chant. The GTS is countered again and the referee goes down as per the requirement in a world title mach. Punk hooks the Vice but Ace is checking on the down referee. Then Punk gets a rollup and there’s STILL no referee.

Ace sends the referee back in as Punk loads up the GTS, but Ziggler’s legs knock Ace to the floor. Ace sees the pin but refuses to count because he thinks Punk did it on purpose. Ziggler counters another GTS attempt into the Fameasser for two before pounding away a bit. The champ comes back with a slingshot and the GTS gets a pin from both referees to retain the title.

Rating: B+. This took awhile to get going as we were all waiting on the Ace stuff. The feud would go on for weeks until Jericho finally showed up to give Punk someone with charisma to feud with. The near falls at the end were a lot better than Ace, but it occurs to me that this was pretty much the same match he had last year. Good stuff though.

Rumble by the Numbers:

30 Superstars

1 winner

31 Hall of Famers in the Rumble

21 main events those Hall of Famers have been in at Wrestlemania

695 entrants who have been eliminated

39 entrants eliminated by Michaels, a record (Kane is second at 35)

13 consecutive Rumbles for Kane

11 eliminations for Kane in 2001

194,107lbs that have been in the Rumble, or over 97 tons, or 430 Big Show

421,883 people who have attended the Rumble

62:12 Rey Mysterio spent in the Rumble in 2006, a record

3 wins for Austin

1 second that Santino lasted in 2009

2 women who have competed in the Rumble

1, the entrant that has produced the same amount of winners as #30 at two each

27, the entrant with more winners than any other at four

55 percent of winners that have won the title at Wrestlemania

Royal Rumble

The Miz is #1 and talks about how he’s going back to the main event of Wrestlemania this year. His former apprentice Alex Riley is #2 which isn’t really surprising given how RANDOM these draws are. I always liked Riley and he always got a good reaction, which is clearly why he doesn’t get on TV more. Riley pounds away to start and runs Miz over with a forearm but walks into a big boot. Maybe it’s the old school fan in me but I don’t like a 6’0 guy using a big boot. Miz talks trash and low bridges Riley out with ease.

R-Truth, Miz’s former partner, is #3. Truth fires off some kicks and avoids the Finale before hitting a kind of powerslam. Miz gets sent to the apron for the second time but Truth turns his back to watch Cody come out at #4. A quick Disaster Kick puts Truth down (Cole says it hits Miz because those two are so hard to tell apart) and Truth gets double teamed for awhile. He manages to send Cody to the apron but gets caught in the Reality Check as the clock seems to be speeding up.

Justin Gabriel is #5 and things speed WAY up. A big spinwheel kick puts Miz down before Cody goes nuts on Gabriel in the corner. Primo is #6 to keep things low key to start. Actually he speeds things up as well and hits a sweet headscissors out of the corner to take Gabriel down. Truth hits the spinning forearm on Cody, only to be dumped out by Miz a second later. Since he’s still crazy, Truth pulls Miz to the floor and lays him out on the outside.

Mick Foley is #7 to fire up the crowd a little bit. He dumps Primo almost immediately before getting beaten on by Cody. Foley looks really old and slow here but to be fair, he is in fact old and slow. In a HILARIOUS bit, Ricardo Rodriguez is #8 but comes out in an old banged up, rusted out rental car. He’s even got the Del Rio scarf to hide some of his hideous pale body. We get a HUGE Ricardo chant as Foley and Gabriel have no idea what to do here.

Ricardo takes Cody down and pounds away before proposing an alliance with Foley of all people. They actually do team up and toss Gabriel, allowing Ricardo to do a CM Punk knee slide. We keep the comedy going with Santino at #9 and Ricardo runs from the Cobra. Santino beats on Ricardo and literally rolls him around the ring before pulling his trunks up and tossing Rodriguez.

Now we get my favorite spot of the match as Santino puts on the Cobra and Mick puts on Socko and it’s TIME FOR A DUEL!!! Before they can collide though it’s Epico at #10 but he falls to the powers of the socks and is out almost immediately. The socks COLLIDE until Miz and Cody pop back in (neither was eliminated) and dump Santino. Miz gets Socko but Cody dumps Mick. Fun comedy bit here to give us a good first act to the match.

Kofi Kingston is #11 and hits a double springboard clothesline before hitting a double Boom Drop. In at #12 is Jerry Lawler (Cole: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING???”) and he causes Miz to hit Cody by mistake. Lawler speeds things up and hits the middle rope punch with the lowered strap, only to be put out by Cody. Ezekiel Jackson is #13 and gets to do the usual power moves on each guy while the others lay around.

Jinder Mahal is #14 and the fans start chanting USA, even though the only two Americans in this match are Rhodes and Miz. Great Khali comes in at #15 and Mahal panics. Everyone gets chops and Mahal is out in just a few seconds. Jackson tries to pound away and is put out almost immediately as well. Hunico is #16 on that stupid bicycle of his and hits a spinning cross body on Miz and his Angle Slam on Cody.

Khali chops Hunico down as the ring is staying relatively empty. Booker T is #17 to surprise Cole. You would think he would have noticed that the man sitting next to him for over two hours wasn’t wearing pants but he never was considered that bright. Now we get the spot of the match as Miz shoves Kofi to the floor but Kofi holds himself up by his hands. Miz shoves Kofi into a handstand but Kingston WALKS ON HIS HANDS ACROSS THE FLOOR TO THE STEPS to get back in. FREAKING AWESOME MAN!

Dolph Ziggler is #18 as the ring is starting to get full. Hacksaw Jim Duggan makes his annual return at #19 to pop the crowd huge. He cleans house for a bit and we get a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER on Miz and Rhodes. Cody avoids a charge in the corner though and dumps Duggan in less than a minute. That’s the best idea at the end of the day. Miz and Cody team up to put out Booker and Khali at the same time.

We complete the trio with Michael Cole at #20. At the moment we’ve got Cole, Miz, Rhodes, Kingston, Hunico and Ziggler in the ring. Kharma returns at #21 in her only WWE match ever. She hits Cole so hard she knocks his headgear off so Cole eliminates himself. Well he gets to the apron where King and Booker eliminate him. Ziggler tells Kharma to get out so she DRILLS him. Kharma dumps Hunico but Ziggler sneaks up and eliminates her (Booker calls this doing the impossible. Not really Book.) to a ton of heat.

Sheamus is #22 to give us some A level star power. Well maybe B+ level. Things speed up with Sheamus destroying everyone and tossing Kofi out. There are the ten forearms in the ropes to Cody and ten to Miz as well. The Zig Zag is countered and Road Dogg is another surprise return at #23. He gets to clean house for a bit and earns a “you still got it” chant. In far less than 90 seconds, Jey Uso is #24.

Everyone pairs off until Jack Swagger is #25. After a few suplexes everything settles down into its usual brawling phase until Barrett is #26. He throws out Roadie and stomps away on a lot of people. David Otunga gets the lucky spot at #27 and poses a lot before he comes out. Not a lot happens so Orton comes in at #28 to pick things up a bit. Remember we’re in his hometown so everyone goes nuts.

Cody breaks up the RKO on Barrett so Randy hits the Elevated DDT on both Cody and Ziggler at the same time because he can. There’s an RKO to Barrett and he’s out. Chris Jericho, complete with a blackout of the arena, makes his return at #29. He’s still a face at this point and dumps Otunga to a good reaction. Big Show is #30 which was considered a letdown at the time. Dude, he was world champion a month ago. That’s hardly Darren Young coming out.

As Show comes in he pulls Swagger out from the floor, giving us a final grouping of Miz, Rhodes, Ziggler, Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Big Show. That’s a pretty solid grouping. Show dumps Cody and Miz at the same time to get us down to five. Show tosses Ziggler as well to get us down to four. The big man cleans house but walks into an RKO, allowing Orton and Sheamus to pick him up and Randy clotheslines him out. Jericho dumps Orton immediately thereafter and we’re down to two.

The fans are entirely behind Jericho here so Sheamus runs him over a few times. Jericho’s bulldog is countered but Sheamus can’t throw him over the corner. Jericho charges into the Irish Curse but Sheamus can’t hit the High Cross. We get a great false finish with Jericho clotheslining Sheamus to the apron and then knocking him down to the point where Sheamus is hanging on by his leg. Sheamus comes back in with the slingshot shoulder but the Brogue Kick is countered into the Walls.

After the hold is broken Jericho gets knocked to the apron where he BARELY hangs on. They go to the top rope and both fall to the apron, meaning if they hit the floor they’re out. Both guys get back in and there’s the Codebreaker to Sheamus. Jericho gets Sheamus upside down but can’t get him out. A shot to the face ticks Sheamus off and he catches a Codebreaker attempt to put Jericho on the apron. The Brogue Kick sends Sheamus to Wrestlemania.

Rating: A-. This is one of those Rumbles that is great fun as you watch it live but it loses some steam on a second viewing. They spent a bit too much time on nostalgia and funny ideas here but they were still really good ideas. The ending with Sheamus and Jericho ROCKED and I have no idea why they never got to have a long PPV match. This is a really good Rumble but it never reaches that excellent level that some of them get to.

Sheamus celebrates a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The Rumble is a unique show as it has a way to save itself from a bad first half. That’s what happened here as the last two matches were certainly good enough to save it from the horrible first few matches. As usual the last two guys would both get world title shots with the winner getting the opening match instead of the real main event, but going on before Rock vs. Cena is hardly torture.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry vs. Big Show

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bella Twins/Divas of Doom vs. Alicia Fox/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Tamina

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Kane vs. John Cena

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Brodus Clay vs. Drew McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

Original: B

Redo: B+

Royal Rumble

Original: B+

Redo: A-

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

Just like last year, not much difference here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/01/29/royal-rumble-2012/

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