Lucha Underground – November 5, 2014: Death By 1000 Heels
Lucha Underground Date: November 5, 2014
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
After a solid debut episode, we actually have a main story going on already. Cueto seems to be the big evil boss who brings in his minions to take out people who are trying to do stuff he doesn’t like. I had a good time with the first episode but I’m assuming a lot of the people here are going to be different as we see more of the roster. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show.
The three guys (Ricky Reyes, Lil Cholo and Rycklon Stephens) that attacked Mundo and Puma last week are in the ring to open the show. Reyes says his name is Cortez Castro and Cholo is now known as Cisco. Stephens (formerly known as Ezekiel Jackson) says he’s the boss, Big Rick. Mundo charges the ring as Rick bails to the floor, leaving the other two to get beaten up. Cortez and Cisco bail but both grab chairs until Puma runs in for the save. This brings out Dario Cueto to make a tag match. Make your own Teddy Long joke.
Johnny Mundo/Prince Puma vs. Cortez Castro/Cisco
Puma and Castro get things going but it’s quickly off to Cisco, who is quickly taken down by a headscissors. It’s already back to Castro who gets taken into the corner for a tag off to Mundo. A double enziguri drops Castro for two but Mundo misses a running knee to the face and gets rolled up for two. Back to Cisco who gets kicked in the face again for two. Apparently Cisco describes his style as “Prison Shower Style.” I’ll get to Mundo hitting a slingshot elbow for two as fast as I can to get away from that line.
Cortez gets in a cheap shot from the apron before breaking up the Flying Chuck. Cisco gets two off a backsplash as Striker says the team is Cortez and Castro. Cortez gets two off a back elbow as Striker brings up Cortez conquering the Aztecs. Big Rick is smoking a cigar on the steps as Mundo finally rolls away from the double teaming. Puma comes in off the hot tag and cleans house with a running neckbreaker to Cisco, forcing him to DDT his own partner in a spot I hated in (I think) TNA and I hate it here.
Everything breaks down with Mundo missing a dive over the top, allowing Cortez to kick Puma into a neckbreaker from Cisco for two. They load up that 3D into a Codebreaker from last week but Mundo pulls Cortez to the floor. Back in with Puma hitting a cutter, setting up the Moonlight Drive on Cisco for a close two. Puma hits a big flip dive to take out Cortez, followed by stereo 450s to give Mundo and Puma the double pin.
Rating: B-. Good match here but it ran a bit longer than it should. It’s still good stuff here though with all four looking good in what seems to be the top storyline. Cisco and Cortez are fine as lackeys but Big Rick seems to be the real force for Cueto. It was a fast paced tag and they’re setting the groundwork for stuff in the future.
Konnan is in a dark locker room with Puma. He praises the masked man a bit but warns him to stay away from Mundo because that’s not Puma’s fight. Puma has one friend and that’s Konnan. We get the classic wrestling trope of someone speaking Spanish and then immediately translating it into English, due to people who speak Spanish not being able to understand it or something.
Video on Mil Muertes (Thousand Deaths, better known as Ricky Banderas, who was Judas Mesias in TNA and El Mesias in AAA), who is being brought in by Cueto to deal with Blue Demon Jr.
Son of Havoc/Ivelisse vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr./Sexy Star
Striker: “Usually in mixed tags, the men wrestle with the men and the women lucha with the lucha.” The guys get started with Chavo hooking a chinlock less than thirty seconds in. Back up and Chavo pulls Havoc around by the beard as Striker explains Chavo’s lineage in wrestling, like anyone watching this show hasn’t heard of him before. Ivelisse gets in a cheap shot from the apron and Havoc takes over.
Off to Ivelisse for some kicks, including some to the head from the ground, for two. Back to Havoc as Vampiro tries to correct some of Striker’s mistakes and is completely ignored. We finally get the tag off to Star for some revenge from last week. She hammers away for a bit until Havoc drills her in the face with an elbow. Back to Ivelisse to slam Star’s head into the mat before they slug it out.
Ivelisse is in a bit of trouble but just kicks Star in the head to take over again. Havoc comes back in for a standing moonsault which only hits knees. The real hot tag brings in Chavo for a Liger Kick in the corner for two. Everything breaks down with a catfight breaking out, capped off with a running seated senton from Star to crush Ivelisse on the floor. Back in and Chavo hits the Frog Splash on Havoc but lets Star roll him up for the pin.
Rating: C+. Another nice match here as they tie things back to last week’s story. Chavo is a good guy to have around at the start but I’m hoping he isn’t still a fixture later on in the show’s run. He’s another guy that I’ve seen far too many times over the years and I’m just over him. The girls stole the show here though as they’re both clearly very polished.
Blue Demon Jr. is warming up when a girl named Catrina (Maxine from NXT) comes up with a message from Mil Muertes. She touches his lips and says it’s a taste before a thousand deaths. I love little things like her walking in instead of just standing there like you would see on Raw or Impact. It’s so much more natural, despite being a very produced video if that makes sense.
Konnan narrates a video on discovering Prince Puma fighting on the streets.
Blue Demon Jr. vs. Mil Muertes
This is a bit more formal of a debut than I was expecting. Catrina is here with Muertes, who comes out in a huge headdress on his back that looks like something out of Tatanka’s closet. He also has a small bag that he carefully hands off to Catrina. After a quick kiss from Catrina, Muertes jumps Demon to start in a hurry. A loud chop puts Demon down on the floor and they fight over the announcers’ table with Muertes in full control.
Back in and Demon armdrags him down followed by a dropkick. Some chops in the corner have Mil in some trouble but Catrina gets up on the apron. The distraction lets Mil get in a shot and Catrina adds a kick with a heel. Demon comes back with a bulldog for two but Muertes gets two off a Backstabber. We get another shot of the announcers to get on my nerves again. Muertes jumps into a raised boot and gets caught in a DDT for two. Back up and Muertes just spears Demon in half, setting up a Downward Spiral for the pin.
Rating: D+. Demon looked old and slow out there which is already getting annoying. Muertes on the other hand looked like a killer which is all he needed to be. That spear looked more like a Goldberg version by driving Demon back instead of just hitting him and stopping. Why that’s so complicated for so many to figure out is beyond me.
Muertes goes after Demon some more but Chavo comes in with a chair for the save. He blasts Demon with it instead and goes full heel. Some other guys come out but get chair shots as well. Sexy Star comes out and Chavo blasts HER in the head with the chair as Chavo is a bit more evil than I was expecting. Chavo sits in the chair as Demon is taken out on a stretcher. He won’t let Demon be taken out without a few more shots though. The ambulance pulls away to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. That’s a bit lower than last week but I liked this show for different reasons. First of all, they cut down on some of the camera jumps and settled down a bit. I liked the stories being advanced and Ivelisse (who should have been signed by TNA but she wasn’t Barbarian’s niece) and Muertes both being good debuts. Chavo comes off looking evil….but he’s Chavo Guerrero. Yeah he’s smooth in the ring but dear goodness I have trouble caring about him. I like Cueto not being around as much this week to keep him from getting stale. Good show this week as they’re planning for the future.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Friday was the best day I’ve ever had with the book sales, breaking the release day for the Nitro 1997 book. You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys doing this.
In a related note, there’s going to be a Holiday special starting on the books this Friday so keep an eye out for that.
Thank you again,
KB
Wrestler of the Day – November 21: Nikolai Volkoff
Time for a 300lb Lithuanian in Nikolai Volkoff.
Volkoff got started back in 1967 and thanks to the magic of Coliseum Video, here’s a match from December 16, 1970.
Gorilla Monsoon/Pedro Morales vs. The Mongols
The Mongols are way old school and named Bepo and Geto. Monsoon is HUGE. He’s the Asian Champion and Pedro is US Champion (the WWF version which was gone by the 70s). This is 2/3 falls and we’re joined in progress. It’s in Philly and from sometime in the late 60s. The Mongols are bald other than ponytails. This is the WWWF also. Monsoon is sent to the floor by the International Tag Team Champions.
Geto, the smaller one, drops a bunch of knees off the top on Gorilla to win the first fall. Clipped to the second fall and Pedro is in trouble. One of those Mongols looks a lot like Nikolai Volkoff. And I’m right as he’s Bepo. Bear hug by Gorilla but Bepo makes the save. This isn’t incredibly good. Pedro watches Monsoon getting his teeth kicked in. The Mongols get disqualified for double teaming so we go to the third fall.
Monsoon’s back is hurt so FINALLY we get Pedro. He throws some decent dropkicks which gets the pin on Geto. The film starts messing up and looks like it’s being played in fast motion. The third fall was either clipped or lasted 18 seconds. Pedro looked good if nothing else I guess.
Rating: N/A. Haven’t used one of those in awhile. This really isn’t fair to grade with all the clipping and lack of any story at all. It’s not too bad and Pedro looked great. Monsoon was a freaking load and the Mongols were nothing special. Then again it was the 60s so how angry can I really get with it?
We’ll jump ahead about fourteen and a half years to Wrestlemania I.
Tag Titles: US Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik
The Express is Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo and they’re defending tonight. A little trivia for you: the song Real American was originally used for the two of them but Hogan wound up using it instead. The heels do their whole Russian national anthem and Iran/Russia #1 deal before the match. Rotundo and Sheik start things off with the Iranian hooking a headlock. A dropkick puts Sheik down and Mike grabs a headlock.
Off to Barry who avoids double teaming and causes the challengers to collide. Back to Rotundo to work over Nikolai with an elbow drop getting two. Windham comes in off the top with a shot to the arm and Rotundo does the same thing. Sheik suplexes Mike down for two as the foreigners take over. Nikolai drops him throat first across the throat and the USA chant starts up.
A sunset flip gets a quick two for Mike but it’s back to Sheik for an abdominal stretch. That doesn’t last long though as Mike hiptosses out of it and it’s off to Barry via the hot tag. The bulldog (Barry’s finisher at the time) takes Volkoff out as everything breaks down. In the melee, Sheik hits Windham in the back with the cane for the pin and the titles.
Rating: C. This was a better match than we’ve seen so far with the fans getting way into the whole USA vs. foreigners thing. The title change was there only so something historic could happen and the Express got the belts back about two and a half months later. They would split soon after that with both guys heading to the NWA.
Volkoff would be in the opening match at the first Saturday Night’s Main Event.
Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff/George Steele vs. Mike Rotunda/Barry Windham/Ricky Steamboat
That’s quite the face tag team. This was on the SNME DVD (Awesome DVD that should certainly be picked up if you can find it. Awesome stuff on it) as an extra. Blassie is with the heels and Albano is with the faces. The two foreigners had taken the tag titles from the US Express at Wrestlemania for a token tag title change.
About a year prior to this, the US Express had been using Real American for their theme music. That went to Hogan of course and here they use Born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen which works like a charm for them as it’s perfect. We start with Windham and Steele which is an odd matchup if there ever has been one.
Sheik was hitting the end of whatever usefulness that he had at this point. Rotundo would soon head to WCW and become a member of the Varsity Club, ending in an awesome moment with Rick Steiner taking the TV Title from him after months of being talked down to by him. Wow what a tangent that was.
Oh and he’s more commonly known as I.R.S. Oddly enough the faces dominate early on. We go to commercial with the faces dominating. We begin the awesome SNME tradition of not having action during commercials so we don’t have to be all confused about how we got to a point during a break.
Wow there are four hall of fame wrestlers in here and two on the floor. That’s rather impressive, especially considering that the two that aren’t in there are two of the three most talented. Steele comes in and his teammates abandon him, allowing Windham to get a quick rollup for the pin. Steele eats a turnbuckle and the tag champions beat him up. That doesn’t last long as Albano comes in to calm him down and Steele is a face.
Rating: C-. Eh this was fine. It wasn’t meant to be anything special other than a way to get Steele out of the dark side, but the heel offense consisted of about four Volkoff punches and other than that it was a complete squash. I don’t get why it was so one sided, but it did its job and wasn’t bad at all so for the first match in show history this was perfectly fine.
He opened the second show too.
WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Nikolai Volkoff
I love the smelled of squashed Russians in the morning. After a long national anthem, here’s Hulk. He promises to win and keep the title and defend America. He comes out to Stars and Stripes Forever here in a nice touch. It’s a standard Hogan 80s match vs. a monster as Hogan gets jumped early but then makes his amazing comeback. Hogan knocks him over the top and Volkoff’s fat rings the bell.
A ram into the post though has the powers of Russia in the lead and Hogan is in trouble. Jesse isn’t talking much at all here. Volkoff slams him and Hogan makes his comeback and finishes with a spinning legdrop. Yes I said spinning. Hogan spits on the flag and uses it to shine his shoes.
Rating: C. This was a run of the mill Hogan match which is what this was supposed to be. It got Hogan on national TV and let him beat up someone that most people were going to naturally boo. This is the epitome of what SNME was supposed to be about in the old days and it worked very well.
Time for a lower level American. From SNME IV.
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirschner
This is a Peace Match. Translation, it’s based on some peace talks that had been going on around this time. So they’re fighting for peace. Got it. We get technical stuff, but neither are very good at it. So basically they can’t do traditional stuff and it’s amateur style. This…is rather stupid. Volkoff throws a cartwheel! WOW. Would not have called that one. The fans are liking it if nothing else so there we are. Blassie hooks a leg and Volkoff drops a knee for the surprising win. Of course there’s a postmatch beatdown as the heels get run off.
Rating: C-. It was different to say the least. It came off ok though, but this feud never went anywhere at all. Kirschner was the replacement for Sgt. Slaughter who went to the AWA. No one bought it, especially when he was literally a demotion from the previous military guy’s rank.
This somehow earned a rematch at Wrestlemania II.
Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff
This is a flag match which means a regular match where the winner gets to wave their flag. For some reason the ring is VERY loud all of a sudden. Kirchner is a guy you likely won’t have heard of but he’s famous for being VERY stiff which is why he wasn’t around long. Blassie is with Nikolai here and his man hits a spinning kick to start.
We head to the floor where Volkoff rams him into the post and cuts the Corporal open with a piece of razor that he immediately puts back down into his trunks. Blassie yells at Kirchner a bit before they head back inside. It’s a slugout but Blassie throws in his cane which goes upside Nikolai’s head for the pin. This was another very short match.
Volkoff was in the lucky spot between Savage vs. Steamboat and Hogan vs. Andre at Wrestlemania III.
Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik vs. Killer Bees
Unlike the previous match that had a feud going with it, this is just a random heel and face pairing. Slick (the foreigners’ manager) still has his torn up suit on. Volkoff starts singing the Soviet national anthem but the pretty new Jim Duggan runs out to break it up. The Bees finally show up and it’s a big brawl to start. Duggan is marching around at ringside with the 2×4 complete with a little American flag taped to it.
We start with Blair and Sheik but it’s quickly off to Brunzell. The Bees work over Iron’s arm with tags faster than I can type them. They stay on the arm until Brunzell hits his gorgeous dropkick for two on Sheik. Everything breaks down for a bit and Brunzell gets caught in the corner. Nikolai keeps Brunzell in trouble as the fans chant USA. There’s the bearhug by the Russian but Jim smacks his ears to break the hold.
Off to Sheik for the gutwrench suplex for two and a regular version for two. Brunzell comes back with a quick high knee but the referee doesn’t see the tag. A double elbow puts Jim down again and Sheik poses a lot. Duggan chases Volkoff into the ring and sees Sheik with the camel clutch on Brunzell. Being the patriot that he is, Duggan blasts Sheik in the back with the board for the DQ.
Rating: C-. Not a terrible little match here until the stupid ending. This was again about furthering another feud in the form of Duggan against the evil foreigners. Why the Bees would be ok with Duggan doing that is beyond me but I guess since they’re all good guys they have to get along in WWF logic.
Back to SNME with show XI.
Can-Am Connection vs. Iron Sheik/Nikolai Volkoff
Sheik tries to sing and gets hit in the head with a 2×4. Isn’t that called massive assault? Zenk and the Sheik start us off. Duggan, after BASHING VOLKOFF IN THE HEAD WITH A BOARD just sits right back in the front row. Sheik gets a good abdominal stretch on Sheik. This show needs to end. Duggan runs in AGAIN and Martel rolls up Sheik for the pin.
Rating: N/A. This was just insanity and nothing at all of note. Then again it’s the end of the show so it’s not like anyone was watching here anyway.
Nikolai would finally find a new partner in Boris Zhukov as the Bolsheviks. Here they are in MSG on November 24, 1987.
Bolsheviks vs. Killer Bees
Slick is with the Russians here. The national anthem is one of the best ways ever to draw heel heat. Bockwinkel wants to talk about the size of Zhukov’s head for some reason. The Bees put their masks on because they like to be annoying. Blair has longer hair so I think that’s him with the hair sticking out of the back of the mask. The Russians say take the masks off or we’re leaving. Let the stalling begin.
The referee is threatening them with a DQ if they don’t get in. The bell rang so I guess this is part of the match. There go the masks but they’re in the tights of the Bees, which makes me think we’ll be seeing them later. Apparently the winners of this get a shot at Strike Force, the tag team champions. We’ve been stalling for four minutes now and FINALLY we get Brunzell vs. Boris.
Boris blocks a hip toss but walks into a head scissors to take him over. I’d expect a lot of tags by the Bees. They work on the arm of Zhukov who is in trouble early. Nikolai comes in sans tag which really just gets Boris in more trouble than he was already in. Here’s Volkoff in legally now and I still think those trunks will eat him one day. A double elbow takes him down for two.
They start in on the arm of Volkoff as well and then shift over to the hamstrings and the legs. Zhukov comes in and it’s still all Killer Bees. The Russians have had nothing at all here. Slick is going to file a complaint about the referees. They work on the hamstring even more as they couldn’t be more clearly stalling without holding up a big old neon sign that says WE’RE STALLING!
Volkoff comes in with an atomic drop but loses control on a slam. A front facelock goes on as we shift the momentum over to the Russians. It’s Blair getting beaten on here if you’re interested. Gutwrench suplex gets two for Nikolai. Zhukov mostly gets a suplex on Blair but it’s partially botched. How do you manage to botch a vertical suplex? It’s one of the most basic moves in the sport.
Back to Volkoff for some choking. Double teaming stops Blair from tagging as we’re well over fifteen minutes into this now. The Russians hammer away even more and knock Blair and Brunzell to the floor. We have a random bell which is waved off as the Bees put the masks on and switch off. Brunzell (everyone but the referee gets this somehow) comes in without a tag and gets a dropkick for two. The referee gets distracted and the legal man comes in with a top rope cross body to win it.
Rating: C-. This is a fine example of a long match not necessarily being a good match. It went WAY too long when you could legitimately pull out 10 minutes out of this and it’s the same match. There’s a lot of basic work including about 8 minutes of nothing but hamstring work on Zhukov. Boring match for the most part but nothing horrible.
One more SNME with XIV.
Tag Titles: Bolsheviks vs. Strike Force
This is 2/3 falls to continue the SNME tradition. Apparently Okerlund looks like Khrushchev with a mustache. We see Strike Force beating the Harts to win the tag titles and they say stuff that might have been in English but I’m not entirely sure. Slick calls them Pint Sized Rambos. That’s a cool name. Boris and Tito start us off. Such a disparity in talent between the two teams.
This is your standard 80s style tag match which means it’s fun but not really that good. That works though. The crowd is way hot so that’s a big perk. Martel hooks the Boston Crab for the tap out to make it 1-0 for the champions. They celebrate into the first commercial.
That’s one thing I love about SNME: they let the match stop until we get back so we miss nothing at all. The heels cheat to take over as you would likely expect. Something tells me the champions are retaining here. Can’t place it but they have something extra. I think it’s called talent. Slick throws in the cane which is picked off and the shot allows the champions to retain in two straight falls.
Rating: B-. This was really quick and not great. However I’m a big mark for Strike Force so this was fun. The Bolsheviks never won anything so this was no shock at all. Boring match but nothing wrong with giving the champions another win they should get. Then again I’ve always been a big Strike Force fan.
The team would also be on the first Summerslam in 1988.
Powers of Pain vs. Bolsheviks
The Powers (Barbarian and Warlord) are still faces here and have the Baron (Von Raschke) with them. Just like in the previous two matches the brawl is on as soon as the good guys hit the ring. The Powers double clothesline Boris Zhukov as Volkoff tries to sneak in for a cheap shot. Barbarian easily catches him coming in and sends him flying until we get down to Barbarian vs. Boris to start things off.
Boris puts his head down and…..something happens (it looked like a choke but it’s not really clear) before it’s off to Warlord for a gutwrench suplex on Zhukov. Both Russians double team Warlord but they can’t even get him down to his knees. Nikolai chokes away before Boris puts on a chinlock. The Russians have a double backdrop broken up and it’s off to Barbarian again. Everything breaks down and it’s a double shoulder followed by a swan dive to Boris for the pin.
Rating: D. Another lame match here but the Powers looked decent. The Baron would be gone in a few weeks as the company wasn’t pleased that a dark character was getting cheered, so they turned Demolition and their evil S&M looking gear face instead. Also did the Russians ever actually win a major match?
Time for comedy in December 1990.
Bushwackers vs. Bolsheviks
This might be December 30, 1988 as that’s the only date I can find for these teams to be fighting in this arena. The Bushwackers jump the Russians to start and it’s a big brawl. After about a minute and a half of brawling we finally get down to Luke vs. Boris. This is more along the lines of a Sheepherders’ match than the traditional stuff you would see from these guys.
The vast majority of the commentary is talking about how odd the Bushwackers are which is rather true. Trongard can’t figure out who is who here. Basically the Russians can’t get anything going at all. It’s another big brawl as the Bushwackers bite legs. Luke gets in trouble though and the Russians take over for the first time. Volkoff is called the Russian Bear in blatant gimmick infringement by Hayes.
This isn’t going anywhere at all as we’re just waiting on the down under comeback to end it. The Russians here are straight up jobbers which says a lot. Somehow Trongard still can’t tell the Bushwackers apart. They look alike but it’s not like they’re identical. Butch comes in for the save when Luke is double teamed but accidently hits Luke. Luke naturally goes after Butch because that’s just what you do.
Hot tag with no heat at all on it brings in Butch who the announcers call Luke. Everything breaks down again of course and we get the dreaded heel miscommunication to put Volkoff on the floor. The Battering Ram takes down Zhukov, followed by the double stomach breaker and we begin the long awesomeness of the Bushwackers’ undefeated streak! Yeah I’m just trying to fill in space here. Trongard says the Bolsheviks are former tag champions which isn’t true. He was rather irritating on commentary for stupid things like that.
Rating: D+. This was a glorified comedy match but for a debut it was ok. The fans seemed to be into them for the most part so it’s hard to complain about them for the most part. This wasn’t horrible but considering this was more or less the peak of the Bushwackers’ abilities by this point, this wasn’t much at all. Not horrible though.
Then Volkoff wanted to be an American. Here he is at Survivor Series 1990.
Alliance vs. Mercenaries
Nikolai Volkoff, Bushwhackers, Tito Santana
Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Orient Express
This is during the Iraqi Sympathizer period for Slaughter and the idea here is military themed. Before the match, Slaughter tells Gene about having a Thanksgiving dinner with the Mercenaries and not having to be inconvenienced by being in the desert. That’s better than being in the Army and eating K-Rations right? This was a pretty edgy angle at the time. Stupid but edgy. This interview is in the arena with the Mercenaries’ music playing. That must be a pretty dull period for the crowd.
The Bushwhackers torment Boris to start and the flying forearm from Tito eliminates him in about 20 seconds. Sato comes in and is accidentally superkicked by Tanaka. The Battering Ram puts out Sato and it’s 4-2 inside of two minutes. Tanaka comes in and the forearm from Tito makes it 4-1 in less than 2:15. Volkoff pounds on Slaughter with his usual stuff but gets punched in the face for his efforts as Slaughter takes over.
After a long beating, Slaughter eliminates Volkoff with an elbow. There were about three minutes of beating in between there but there was absolutely nothing of note to talk about. The Bushwhackers double team Sarge for a bit but Slaughter beats them down and gutbusts Luke for an elimination. A clothesline takes out Butch about 30 seconds later and it’s one on one.
Tito immediately dropkicks Slaughter into the post and things speed up with by far the two most talented guys in the match in there. Tito hits a top rope forearm for two and stomps away even faster. Piper is trying not to curse and Slaughter slams Santana’s head into the mat. A neckbreaker and backbreaker combine for two on Santana.
After some more beating, Tito gets a quick forearm attempt but hits the referee by mistake. The forearm hits the second time but General Adnan (Slaughter’s manager/boss) hits Santana with the flag and Slaughter puts on the Camel Clutch. The referee saw the flag though and it’s a DQ win for Tito.
Rating: D-. Well that…..happened I guess. They went through seven eliminations inside of eleven minutes and the match was awful. Basically this could have been Slaughter vs. either Volkoff or Santana and gotten the same payoff. I have no idea what they were going for here, but my guess is that they had nothing else to fill in fifteen minutes with (the show only runs two hours and twenty minutes and we’ve got the ultimate dumb filler to go).
Volkoff would leave soon after this but returned in mid 1994 as part of Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Team. Here he is against someone you may have heard of before on Raw, May 23, 1994.
Matt Hardy vs. Nikolai Volkoff
The Russian easily takes him down and rolls Matt up for two. A double underhook suplex drops Matt again as we’re in full squash mode. Matt hits some worthless forearms before getting slammed and Boston crabbed for the submission.
Volkoff went into retirement after this but came out for a few shows, including Heroes of Wrestling.
Bushwackers vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik
I’m calling them the Bushwackers as they’re Luke and Butch, formerly the Bushwackers. There’s some guy with Volkoff but he’s another guy that is imitating a better manager. I’m just not sure who he’s imitating. We get the USA chant going, despite the faces being from New Zealand but this isn’t the smartest crowd in the world. The manager is dressed up in a Russian military uniform. Oh dear.
He speaks English with a so bad it’s funny but the show is so bad it’s not funny accent if that makes sense. Oh and Volkoff is now an Olympian also. We get the Russian National Anthem of course and the Persian clubs which are as old school as possible. The clubs become Iranian all of a sudden and we’re three minutes into this. Sheik needs to humble someone. It would be more entertaining.
We hear about Hogan and Backlund for no reason at all but whatever. That’s my word for this show: whatever. We’re at about 5 minutes of build for this disaster. I guess Bushwackers is a copyrighted term. Somehow they look better than anyone else. Luke licked my face once. Can we get the tape of the Bushwackers on Family Matters instead of me having to watch this atrocity?
Apparently they’ve won tag titles in 26 countries. Well ok then. The heels jump them early to start to further establish that they’re EVIL. Dutch explains the term short end of the stick which has some kind of scale according to him. Please, just take me now. Sheik gets on the mic and says if they keep chanting USA then he’ll leave. You know what comes next. The announcers argue about cutting each other off. I hate this show quite a bit.
They’re really trying to get this whole they’re Heroes thing embedded in. Can we just watch Heroes instead? Just the first season though as it’s by far the best. Sheik is wearing shorts also. The kicks they’re throwing aren’t even close at all. How much are these guys being paid? I guarantee you it’s too much. After a “slam” Nikolai covers Luke and Butch comes in for the save.
He doesn’t need to though as Nikolai reacts to the saving shot before it hits so there we are again. The camel clutch, which made British Bulldog tap inside of 5 seconds in 1986 is on for 15 seconds before Butch saves. At least I think he saved as we cut to a shot of the manager so for all I know Butch just did the Charleston for awhile and Sheik didn’t like his movement and showed him what to do. Who knows though?
I do however know that the manager raised his right arm. You can hear individual lines from the fans by the way. And I mean individual conversations, not just random screams. ANOTHER foreign object misses and Luke pins Sheik with the fastest count this side of Nick Patrick gets the three. The heels almost fight afterwards but they hug it out.
Rating: G+. That’s below an F-. This was stupid and bad. I think it was a comedy match but I couldn’t tell. They did manage to name the heel team The Iron Curtain though which I can’t believe no one got that before. We’re half done with this and I want to cry. Or die, either one. Getting humbled wouldn’t be bad either. When the Bushwackers are the best workers in there, that’s not saying a lot at all.
We’ll wrap it up with World Wrestling Legends: 6:05 the Reunion in 2006.
Nikolai Volkoff vs. Jim Duggan
Oh dear. Sheik is with Volkoff here to really make this evil. Volkoff looks OLD. Cornette is having a ball here. Earl Hebner is the referee. When Duggan is in far better shape of two guys you know one is in bad shape. Duggan fights out of the corner and the Three Point Clothesline ends this in maybe 90 seconds.
In American wrestling, there will always be a place for a big Russian. While Volkoff may not have been the best ever at it, he certainly was one of the longest running ones in history. You could have Hogan punch the guy and slam him as many times as you would like and the fans were going to cheer it because they were AMERICANS. Volkoff wasn’t much in the ring, but he played a basic and important role.
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Next up we’ve got a guy who was starting to show some potential when he passed away far too early: Lance Cade.
Cade started in 1999 after being trained by Shawn Michaels. We’ll pick things up in his early days with Memphis Championship Wrestling on June 23, 2001, a WWF developmental territory at the time.
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. Lance Cade
The bell rings but an injured Rikishi comes out to say that he’s reformed. After about three minutes of talking, Cade cranks on the arm to start until Scotty runs him over with a shoulder. A dropkick gets two for Scotty but Lance comes back with a bunch of right hands to the jaw. That’s fine with Scotty who crotches him against the post but it really doesn’t seem to hurt him that much.
Cade takes him back to the floor for a beating before choking on the ropes back inside. Scotty’s comeback is stopped with a spinwheel kick and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Scotty speeds things up before planting Cade with a DDT. They slug it out with Scotty taking over and starting the real comeback. A backdrop looks to set up the Worm but Lance bails to the floor and tries to leave. That’s not cool with Rikishi so the fat man throws him back inside, setting up the Worm for the pin.
Rating: C-. This actually wasn’t half bad. At the end of the day it wasn’t supposed to be a competitive match or anything like that, but rather a way to have a rookie like Cade get some experienced against a veteran like Scotty. This was better than I was expecting, which isn’t saying much given how low my expectations were going in.
After a few years in OVW, Lance changed his name to Garrison and got on Raw. Here’s a semi-famous match from Raw on June 16, 2003.
Garrison Cade vs. Lance Storm
Here’s the thing: Steve Austin is on the stage chanting BORING at Storm for the better part of the match. He even brings out a big blanket, saying that he can take a nap on the stage by watching a Lance Storm match after watching grass grow and paint dry didn’t knock him out. Storm hammers on Cade to start but Cade comes back with a dropkick. Garrison cranks on the arm as Austin starts yawning. He lays down on the stage because the match is even more boring than he thought it would be.
Now Storm works on the arm as Austin declares him better than sleeping pills. Austin: “I’m having a dream. Lance Storm is in the ring. OH NO IT’S A NIGHTMARE!” He wakes up as Lance drops Cade with a punch and says Storm has put the whole world to sleep. Storm finally yells at Austin and of course gets rolled up for a fast pin.
Since Cade was as boring as Austin said Storm was, they stuck him with Mark Jindrak as a tag team. Here they are in a Tag Team Turmoil match at Armageddon 2003.
Raw Tag Titles: Tag Team Turmoil
Gauntlet match more or less, with two teams starting and the winners advancing to face the next team. There are six teams total and we start with La Resistance vs. Rosey/Hurricane. The Dudleys are the champions coming in. Rosey takes over on Conway to start but it’s off to Hurricane very quickly. Out to the floor quickly which goes nowhere so back in for a full nelson by Conway.
Swinging neckbreaker gets no count because he’s under the ropes. Dupree comes in as we talk about France in Iraq. Never let it be said that Vince passes up a chance to cheer on AMERICA. Hurricane gets a face buster to escape and there’s a double tag. Rosey cleans house and throws out Dupree. A super splash off the shoulders of Rosey off the second rope ends Conway.
Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade are in next, running through the crowd and stealing a rollup pin in maybe 20 seconds.
In next are Storm and Venis with the new guys taking over on Jindrak who escapes to bring in Cade. The fans tell Storm he’s boring which is a point to his character at this point. Storm speeds things up a bit but double teaming by the heels takes the heel down. Wait, actually I guess Storm and Venis are good guys. Works for me I guess. Storm avoids a splash in the corner and here’s Venis.
Val cleans house, destroying both guys with relative ease. He was always a pretty steady hand so that doesn’t really surprise me. Lance hits a Cactus Clothesline to take himself and Cade out. Val tries a suplex to bring Jindrak back in but it’s the Warrior at Mania 5 ending for them.
Team number five are the Dudleys, the reigning champions. The Dudleys take over and it’s a Tree of Woe for Cade. They’re only ten time champions here so this is a LONG time ago for them. Off to D-Von and Jindrak with Jindrak hitting a clothesline to get two. Jindrak isn’t that good at stomping. Cade goes up but mostly misses an elbow. Double tag and Bubba cranks it up. Everything breaks down and D-Von and Jindrak trade rollups. Dropkick misses and 3D ends Jindrak.
The final team is Steiner/Test. Bubba may have hurt his shoulder. Double team on Bubba but he manages to take Test down. Suplex sends Bubba flying and Test works on his arm a bit. We finally get something normal going with Steiner vs. Bubba. Steiner drops the elbow and actually covers, getting two. Fujiwara Armbar by Steiner and it’s off to Test who works on the arm even more.
Up to the corner and Bubba shoves Test off and ACTUALLY HITS THE BACKSPLASH!!! I’ve never seen him hit that ever and shockingly enough the guy he hit it on is now dead. Double tag brings in Steiner and D-Von. Neckbreaker takes Scotty down and another one to Test gets two. Double teaming occurs by the challengers and Test gets a sidewalk slam for two. Test accidently kicks Steiner but Test gets a full nelson slam to D-Von for two. Nice move by the Canadian to send in the belt as a decoy and then he gets a chair shot with the referee distracted. Doesn’t work as a Bubba Bomb gets the pin on Test but nice idea.
That would be the end in theory but here’s Bischoff to announce that there’s a final team, who have used their favor for winning at Survivor Series. Yep it’s Flair/Batista. This lasts about 90 seconds and the Dudleys get in maybe two punches combined. Batista gets the powerbomb on D-Von for the titles.
Rating: C-. Hard to call these because they’re more or less just a bunch of Raw matches thrown together into a 20 minute match. It’s ok but if you’ve seen one of these you’ve seen the vast majority of them. It really does show you how weak the division is when the Dudleys are the only realistic team that could win in there. Nothing great but I’ve seen worse.
Somehow they got on Wrestlemania XX.
Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. Booker T/Rob Van Dam
Booker and RVD are defending and this is one fall to a finish. Booker has an AWFUL remix of his song here so hopefully they drop the belts so we don’t have to hear it again. Van Dam and Dupree get us going with Rob monkey flipping him down. Booker comes in with a side kick for two and a hip toss for an interfering Conway. Rene is knocked into the Dudley corner for a tag off to Bubba with the Dudley getting two off a neckbreaker. Booker comes back with a side kick but D-Von tags himself in before the cover. RVD jumps in with a kick to the face of D-Von but there was no tag so it’s Jindrak vs. Booker instead.
Cade and Jindrak take over on Booker in the corner but Rene steals a tag to take over. This match needs to end already. We’re four minutes in and I’m already bored. Conway hooks a bow and arrow hold which goes on WAY longer than needed. Booker fights out with a spinebuster for no cover but it’s not hot tag to RVD. Everything breaks down but D-Von breaks up the Five Star. It’s Booker vs. D-Von but Cade breaks up 3D. The scissors kick and Five Star are enough to pin Conway and retain the titles.
Rating: D. Sacre bleu what a waste of my time. No one card about this match because the tag division was so dead at this point that almost every team was just thrown together. Since this is Wrestlemania though, there’s ANOTHER four way tag match later tonight. Nothing to see here and the match sucked on all levels. Let’s get on to ANYTHING else.
Time for a new partner. From Vengeance 2004.
Tajiri/Rhyno vs. Jonathan Coachman/Garrison Cade
Uh…yeah. Seriously how do I even talk about this? This is like an opener on Heat, but a bad one. This was announced on Heat. Seriously, what was the thought osn this? To my great shock and awe, this has a backstory. For no apparent reason Eugene was made GM of Raw for a night and had a game of musical chairs for a title match. Tajiri was eliminated first and Coach got the last seat. This fell out of that.
Tajiri is actually popular. Coach wisely runs from Rhyno. I’ve never seen the appeal of Cade. The guy just isn’t that good and that’s all there is to it. Oh look: Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade on Pay Per View. Coach and Cade beat up Tajiri. Again, is there a reason this is happening? I mean was there NOTHING else to try?
After even more boring stuff, we get green mist from Tajiri to Cade. Apparently the referee seeing green stuff on Cade’s formerly blonde hair is perfectly fine. This is making my head hurt and I’m not even fifteen minutes into it. Cade gets gored, Coach gets kicked and I need a stiff drink.
Rating: D. This was a glorified squash and it was just boring as all goodness. Tajiri was always good for some stuff, but Cade and Coach? Really? That’s the best you can come up with? This was one of the dumbest openers of all time and it’s also one of the least interesting. I mean just think about it: Tajiri and Rhyno vs. Garrison Cade and Jonathan Coachman. Think about that for a minute.
Cade missed the better part of a year with an injury before coming back in late 2005 as Trevor Murdoch’s partner. Here they are in one of their first matches together at Unforgiven 2005.
Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey/The Hurricane
Earlier today the southern boys say they’ve beaten the champions before and they’ll do it again. Cade and Murdoch are a brand new team, forming like ten days before this. Naturally they’re the #1 contenders. You can see a bunch of fans going to get popcorn during this one. Hurricane vs. Cade gets us going and the champs clear the ring quickly. Hurricane headscissors Murdoch to the floor as we talk about country music.
Hurricane hits a missile dropkick and it’s off to Rosey. Lawler points out the stupidity of having a place that loves country music asked to boo a pair of country boys. Cade takes over on Rosey as Murdoch goes to hit on Lillian. Well to her credit she looks great tonight. Hurricane saves her but Murdoch gets a SICK elevated DDT to the floor on storm boy.
Rosey takes over but misses a splash in the corner to put him down. We finally get a trainer down here as the match falls apart. Cade cheats some on the floor as Hurricane is carried out. Like an idiot he comes back and tags in, only to get clotheslined a few seconds later for the pin.
Rating: D. Isn’t this what Raw is for? The tag titles were far less valuable back then than they are now and the country boys would break up like a month later. This was nothing but that DDT on the floor looked great. This was probably better than most tag title matches around this time, but it was still terribly uninteresting which might as well be printed on the belts.
After some time apart, the team would reform late in 2006, including this match on Raw, October 2 of the year.
From Cyber Sunday 2006 as the team gets back in the Tag Team Title hunt.
Cryme Tyme vs. Viscera/Charlie Haas vs. The Highlanders vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch
The options are Texas Tornado, Fatal Fourway or Tag Team Turmoil with the insane one winning. Texas Tornado means everyone is in the ring at the same time. No titles or anything but rather just a match to fill out the card. Tornado gets half the vote and it’s a big mess. I remember Viscera and Charlie as a team but have no idea why. This is a total mess of course.
Who would imagine that JTG would be the only one left in the company at this point and that Viscera is the most famous name in this match somehow. I’m not even going to try to keep track of what’s going on here as it’s a free for all. JTG and Charlie are the only ones in the ring. Great German suplex by Haas to take over but they’re replaced almost immediately by Shad and Viscera.
Shad has been arrested 23 times for assault. The Highlanders get rid of the fat man as Cade and Murdoch take over. And then JTG hits a kick to end it. Sure whatever. They dance on the announce table after the match and teach JR the handshake. And there goes King’s laptop. Racial stereotyping FTW! Yes I said FTW.
Rating: D. Total mess here with no flow or story in sight but that was the idea I guess. It was just a big disaster with everyone all over the place. It was to put Cryme Tyme over but of course they never wound up doing anything. They would get fired sooner or later here but I’m not sure when. It’s not like it matters or anything so whatever.
We’ll jump ahead a good bit here to No Mercy 2007.
Jeff Hardy/Brian Kendrick/Paul London vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch/Mr. Kennedy
This is a bonus match, Jeff is the IC Champion and the country boys are the Raw tag champions. The tag champs say they have a new partner to keep another fluke like the one on Raw from happening. Cade and Kendrick start things off and it’s quickly off to London. Murdoch comes in and gets taken apart by a double teaming from Hardy and London. Trevor runs Hardy over with a clothesline and it’s off to Kennedy with a big pop.
Kennedy misses a charge and Hardy tags in Kendrick. Cade is in as well and Murdoch low bridges Brian to the floor. Kendrick plays Ricky Morton for awhile as Kennedy chokes him in the corner. A BIG boot in the corner gets two. Cravate keeps Kendrick down and he still can’t make a tag. Back to Cade who loads up a superplex but Kendrick headbutts his way out of it and a tornado DDT puts Cade down.
Double tags bring in Jeff and Trevor and Hardy tries that sitout gordbuster of his. He drops Murdoch though and Trevor LANDS ON THE TOP OF HIS HEAD. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Swanton would get the pin but Murdoch rolls to the floor to check if he’s dead. London vs. Kennedy now and Kennedy is put down with a spinwheel kick. Hardy misses whatever he was going for as Kendrick and Murdoch fall to the floor. Kennedy gets London on top and the rolling fireman’s carry slam off the middle rope gets the pin.
Rating: C-. Considering Murdoch is still alive, this at least ends on a positive note. The ending was cool too and with this being a bonus match, there’s only so much criticism I can give this match. It did its job, although I kind of wonder what the ads for this show were like given that there was a big ten minute hole in it and they already had a 15 minute talking segment to open things up.
The follow up on Raw, October 22, 2007.
Paul London/Brian Kendrick/Mickie James vs. Melina/Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch
Cade and Murdoch are Raw Tag Team Champions here. London and Cade get things going here with Cade throwing him off a headlock. Cade jumps over him in the corner but gets taken down with a quick armdrag. Off to Brian for two off a sunset flip as the small guys take turns working on the arm. Even Mickie tries to come in with a shot of her own but it’s quickly off to Melina.
That goes nowhere so it’s back to Murdoch vs. Kendrick with the country boy grabbing a neckbreaker for two. Kendrick nails a quick kick to the face and tags London to speed things back up. A spinwheel kick gets two as Cade makes a save. Everything breaks down and Cade clotheslines Murdoch by mistake, allowing London to hit the standing shooting star for the pin.
Rating: D+. Quick match here with the girls mixed in to prevent the champs from getting pinned clean. That’s an idea that we haven’t seen in awhile and could stand to make a comeback. There wasn’t time to see do anything here, but combining a pair of feuds into a single match is an easy idea to use.
Here’s a quick match from Heat on June 1, 2008.
Jeff McCallister vs. Lance Cade
Cade and Murdoch have recently split up and Murdoch became a country singer for like a day. He hammers on Jeff to start and walks around, yelling at the crowd. A big legdrop has Jeff in even more trouble and a Rock Bottom into a sitout spinebuster is enough for the easy pin.
Somehow, for reasons I’ll never understand, this got Cade a main event slot in the Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels feud as Jericho’s protege. Here he is on Raw, September 22, 2008.
Shawn Michaels/Batista vs. John Bradshaw Layfield/Chris Jericho/Lance Cade
Jericho’s idea was to make it 3-2 and I guess it worked. Shawn and Cade start things off with Shawn destroying him. Cade reverses a whip and JBL adds a right hand to really give Lance an opening. Off to Jericho for a chinlock and an enziguri puts Shawn down. Off to JBL who hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Back to Cade for more of a beating in the corner. Jericho chokes away as this has been one sided for the most part. Bradshaw comes in and they slug it out but JBL kicks him in the face to put him right back down.
It’s JBL vs. Batista at No Mercy if that clears anything up. Shawn jumps into the fallaway slam but he counters into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the tag to Batista who cleans house. Spinebuster to Jericho and a powerslam sets up the Shawn elbow. Superkick is countered into a Walls attempt but Shawn rolls him up for two. Everything breaks down and Batista spears JBL outside. Lionsault misses and it’s off to Cade. Forearm puts him down but Jericho’s distraction lets him hit a sitout Rock Bottom to Shawn for the pin.
Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here that felt like it belonged at a house show. It wasn’t bad or anything but it just wasn’t interesting. There wasn’t much focus on the JBL vs. Batista match at all and Batista was only in the match for about a minute or so. Not bad, but just kind of there.
We’ll wrap it there as Cade would be released just a few months later. Unfortunately he would be released due to a seizure brought on by an overdose of pills. He died in 2010 due to an overdose of drugs. Cade may not have been a star, but he was showing potential when he got his big run in 2008, even beating Shawn Michaels in a tag match. The name would have needed to be changed, but there was some talent there. He was a good tag guy and at 29, should have had more than enough time to get a singles run going.
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Today is Orlando Jordan. Let’s get this over with.
Allegedly Jordan got started in 1999 but I can’t find anything on him until 2002 in OVW. However we’ll start on Smackdown, July 31, 2003.
John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan
Cena is still heel here and raps about almost beating Undertaker at Vengeance recently. He even makes gay jokes about Undertaker and Jordan, which would be far more interesting later on. Jordan charges the ring and blasts Cena in the face to take over early. John will have none of that though and chokes Jordan down onto the mat. He goes after Jordan’s ribs and just grabs his face to block a sunset flip. Jordan fights out of the corner with right hands but walks into the FU for the pin.
Jordan would become JBL’s Chief of Staff in 2004, earning him this match on August 12, 2004.
Undertaker vs. Orlando Jordan
That’s not a bad way to start a second hour. The big man dominates to start with shoulders and a backdrop. Old School is countered with rights and lefts in the corner but Undertaker hammers away, knocking Jordan senseless. Undertaker avoids a charge in the corner and nails the chokeslam but JBL offers a distraction. That’s fine with Taker as Old School plants Jordan again.
A running DDT gets two on Orlando but he slips out of a tombstone attempt and hits Undertaker low. They head outside with Orlando managing to whip Undertaker into the steps. Back in and Jordan hammers away with more punches (actually fits because he used to be a boxer) but Undertaker nails him and loads up the tombstone, only to get nailed by the Clothesline From JBL for the DQ.
Rating: C+. Shockingly good match here with both guys working hard, even though the match was short. Jordan would of course never amount to anything while Undertaker was still getting his wheels back under him after becoming the Dead Man again. Not a great match or anything but it was a big surprise.
JBL would enter his last feud as champion against John Cena. As a loyal minion, Jordan took Cena on in a US Title match on Smackdown, March 3, 2005.
US Title: John Cena vs. Orlando Jordan
Champion Cena powers him down for two to start and a release fisherman’s suplex gets the same. A big side slam sets up the Shuffle and Jordan is in big trouble. Orlando bails to the floor and we take a break. Back with a hiptoss putting Jordan down for another two before we hit the chinlock. Jordan’s cross body is countered into a slam for three straight near falls as this has been one sided. John stomps him down in the corner and we’re back in the chinlock.
Orlando FINALLY goes to the eyes to get a breather and a rollup with feet on the ropes gets two. Cena rolls through a high cross body for about the tenth near fall of the match. Ten right hands in the corner have Jordan in even more trouble but he comes out with a powerbomb. The amateur boxer (Jordan) hammers away even more and now it’s the champ in a chinlock. A legdrop gets two on Cena and we’re right back to the chinlock. Cena fights out but walks into a powerslam for two.
Back up again and Cena hits a flying shoulder but misses the second to put both guys down. Jordan is up first and grabs Cena’s chain, only to have Cena throw it out to the floor. The Throwback (a running flip faceplant) gets two more on Jordan and there’s the ProtoBomb. There’s the FU but the Bashams (more JBL lackeys) run in for a distraction, allowing JBL to grab the title belt. JBL clocks Cena upside the head and Jordan has the biggest upset in like, ever.
Rating: D+. The match wasn’t great but they had to get the title off Cena somehow so they could head to the big moment at Wrestlemania. At the end of the day though, it’s Orlando Jordan pinning John Cena for a title. There’s no real way this can be right. The match was a lot of Cena dominating before Jordan got in some actually decent power stuff.
Here’s a title defense at Judgment Day 2005.
US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich
Jordan got the US Title in JBL’s Cabinet from Cena and just kind of kept it. He was never anything special at all but he kept it for like 6 months. For those of you that haven’t seen Heidenreich, he’s uh…..different. And remember who he’s in there against when I say that. First up though, he needs to find a friend.
This was his thing at the time: he would pick a kid out of the audience to be his friend and would read them a poem. He chants WHERE’S MY FRIEND as he looks around for one. The girl is named Alex and she’s like 10. She can’t say the word Minneapolis. She’s REALLY excited about being sat in a chair and having a big tattooed man read her a poem. Also, chant and champ do not rhyme. This is one of those characters we would describe as out there.
Oh hey we have a match now. Cole talks about the Preakness winner being named Alex like the girl. That’s a very stupid man. Heidenreich beat Jordan on Smackdown to set this up. Belly to belly suplex gets two for Heidenreich. Out to the floor and they slug it out a bit. When Heidenreich hits him you can hear him say POW. I’m not sure if I should make fun of this or not. He might ask me to go get an espresso.
The fans chant Buckwheat Sucks which is rather appropriate for Jordan. You figure out what I mean by that. Heidenreich does his walk (don’t ask) and hammers away. Big boot gets two. Jordan gets a swinging neckbreaker for two as Alex is panicking. Jordan gets his WEAK DDT to end this abruptly.
Rating: D-. No idea why they thought Jordan should be champion but somehow he’s the best option here. Jordan was really bad at what he did and yet he kept winning for no apparent reason. Benoit beat him in like 30 seconds at Summerslam which was a breath of fresh air to everyone.
Another at Great American Bash 2005.
US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit
Jordan is champion and has been since March, beating Cena for the title. Yes, this guy kept the title like six months for absolutely no apparent reason. He has stupid looking puffed up hair here too. Benoit hammers him down to start as Orlando isn’t all that talented. Jordan tries to kick him in the knee and Benoit just chops him down. The champ tries working on the arm but Benoit leg drags him down and we go to the floor.
Benoit goes into the post and Jordan takes the buckle off. That lets the Canadian hit a German on the American to take over. There was no story to this other than Benoit beat Booker to get this shot. Jordan works on the neck for a second and then fires off punches. He used to be a boxer apparently. Ok so now Jordan is on the arm. PICK A BODY PART AND STICK WITH IT!!!
A dropkick puts Benoit down which Tazz tries to pass off as a big impressive move. Back to the arm and this match needs to end already. I’ve been thinking that a lot in this show. Benoit grabs a Sharpshooter attempt to try to get something going but Jordan would rather bore us to death. Jordan hooks something like a crossface chickenwing and then off to the neck because he worked on it for a few seconds earlier.
Jordan goes up but Benoit chops him down and hits a superplex off the top to put both guys down. Another Sharpshooter attempt fails but here are the Rolling Germans. I’m still not sure what popping your hips means. Swan dive gets two after a delay. Benoit chops away but Orlando’s head smacks into Benoit’s to put Chris down. Jordan finishes taking the pad off the buckle and a charging Benoit hits that for the pin to keep the title on Jordan. Yes they really did this. Benoit would win it at Summerslam in like 30 seconds.
Rating: D. Again the problem here is that Jordan is just boring. He’s as generic as anyone could ask for and I don’t think he had an actual finishing move. He might have used a DDT once in awhile. Imagine Honky Tonk Man’s offense, minus anything resembling charisma or ability in the ring. And he held the title for SIX MONTHS!
Benoit had another shot in the opening match at Summerslam 2005.
US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan
Jordan, the most worthless wrestler I can think of at the moment, is defending. He took the title from Cena of all people and defended it over the course of the summer. In some of the smartest booking you’ll ever see to open a show, Benoit shoves him into the corner, snaps off a German suplex and puts Jordan in the Crossface for the submission and the title in 25 seconds.
When a guy is so bad that you can’t trust Chris Benoit with him on live TV, this is the right move. Benoit would go on to show how fast the match was by timing how long it took him to do things like go to the bathroom or have a cup of coffee, each of which lasted longer than the match. Brilliant stuff here and the crowd is instantly on fire.
Here’s the rematch at No Mercy 2005.
US Title: Booker T vs. Christian vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Chris Benoit
Benoit is defending, Booker gets a big pop as the hometown guy and this is one fall to a finish. Benoit beat Jordan in like 25 seconds at Summerslam to win the title. Why he’s in this match is beyond me. Jordan goes after Benoit and takes him down so the heels (Christian/Jordan) can double team Booker. Booker knocks Christian to the floor and kicks Jordan down but Christian pulls him to the outside.
Benoit pops up out of nowhere with a Crossface on Jordan but Christian saves. With Booker on the floor, Benoit cleans house on the other two. Suplexes all around and Christian is put in a quickly broken up Sharpshooter. Booker comes off the top with a missile dropkick to take Christian down as it’s his turn to be in control. Jordan and Christian are knocked to the floor so we get a staredown between Booker and Benoit.
They don’t really do much though as Christian comes in and is suplexed over the top with ease. Benoit goes to the floor to fight his fellow Canadian as Booker and Jordan clothesline each other down. Christian breaks up the Swan Dive by fighting Benoit on the top. Jordan is whipped into them and the Canadians hit the floor. Booker rolls up Jordan for a VERY close two. Benoit comes back in and walks into a side kick.
Cole reminds us that everyone is legal at the same time. Thanks Cole. The first seven minutes of this match didn’t tell me that. Axe kick gets two on Jordan. Christian throws Benoit into Booker to knock Booker to the floor but Christian can’t hit the Unprettier on Benoit. Benoit tries Rolling Germans but Orlando breaks it up.
Orlando is thrown out onto Booker, leaving the Canadians in the ring. After four Germans Benoit misses the Swan Dive. Christian tries a rollup but Benoit reverses into the Crossface. Orlando seems to miss his cue on the save as he takes forever. Jordan is sent to the floor and the Sharpshooter makes Christian tap.
Rating: C. This seems like a match that belonged on a house show. It wasn’t that bad but I don’t think anyone was really expecting a new champion here. Benoit was on a roll at this point and would hold the title for about six more months. It’s not a bad match but it was more of a Benoit showcase than a competitive match.
Jordan wouldn’t do much until he was released in the middle of 2006. After spending 2007 in Japan and the first half of 2008 in Europe, he somehow had this match for the NWA World Title in Spain on June 25, 2008.
NWE Championship: Orlando Jordan vs. Ultimate Warrior
It’s more of an awkward looking jog than a run. Orlando jumps Warrior during the rope shaking and hammers away in the corner, only to have the painted one comeback with kicks and chops. A backdrop puts Jordan down and he bails to the floor. Warrior’s paint is already peeling off. Back in and Orlando gets in a few shots, only to be rammed into the corner. A running clothesline puts the champion on the floor again and Warrior hammers on his own chest a bit.
Orlando stalls on the floor for a long time before coming back in to trade some hammerlocks. Jordan can’t keep a rear waistlock on for very long as Warrior powers into one of his own. They hit the mat for a bit as the match is quickly breaking down. Another backdrop puts Jordan outside and Warrior is clearly gassed. He follows Orlando outside and they fight in the confetti with Jordan in control.
Back in and Jordan mocks the chest beating, only to get taken down by a shoulder block. A powerslam gets two and a superplex to Jordan brings both guys down to the mat. Orlando is up first but Warrior starts shaking the ropes and hits the clotheslines. Warrior actually goes up for a nice cross body but the splash hits knees. He pops right back up though and hits some clotheslines and a bad shoulder for the pin and the title. No slam or splash?
Rating: D. This just wasn’t very good. I have no idea who thought giving this match 17 minutes was a good idea when Warrior barely made it through 14 minutes back in 1998. There was a lot of standing around but it didn’t really help. Warrior was clearly out of energy about five minutes in and it was becoming more sad than anything else.
Jordan would get signed by TNA because they would take anyone at the time. Here he is with a title shot at Sacrifice 2010.
Rating: D. WhyintheworlddothesetwogetadecentamountoftimeonPPV? Again, Jordanisshockvalueforthesakeofshockvalue. Idefyanyonetosayhe’svaluabletothecompanyorworthanykindofmoneyhegets. Whathasheeverwon that anyone (who doesn’t read my stuff) going to remember?
Here he is at Bound For Glory 2010 in a COMEDY team.
Orlando Jordan/Eric Young vs. Ink Inc.
Ink Inc. is a tattooed team comprised of Shannon Moore and Jesse Neal. This is the result of an Xplosion match and Eric is carrying a rulebook and has drawn on tattoos for some reason. Oh this is during Young’s latest crazy period. Jordan and Jesse get things going but Young quickly puts the referee on the apron and takes his place. Things settle down and Jesse gets two off a spinning cross body and it’s off to Shannon for a kick to the face and two.
Young comes in and gets rolled up for two so he congratulates Shannon for his success. He high fives everyone, including a tag to Jordan. Ink Inc. kicks Jordan in the corner and Eric wants to join in, only to get crotched on the top rope. Jordan gets crotched right along with him as comedy abounds. Back in and Orlando grinds on Shannon before planting him with a spinebuster. The fans want Eric but get a Jordan suplex for two on Moore.
Young breaks up Jordan’s cheating to give Moore another two count and now Orlando doesn’t want to tag. Instead Jordan nails Jesse and holds Moore open for a cheap shot but Eric goes over and takes Jesse’s place on the apron. Moore tags Eric in because why not and Young cleans house on Jordan. In the confusing, Shannon loads Jordan up in a fireman’s carry so Neal can hit a top rope neckbreaker for the pin.
Rating: D. If you like Eric Young’s comedy, this was gold. If you’re like me and he makes you want to pound a rusty spike into your eye, this was the longest eight and a half minutes of your life. I will however give him this: at least this was something different than the same four things he would do for years on end.
Here’s a four way for the sake of a four way on Impact, April 14, 2011.
Rating: D. Considering the fact that about seventy five percent of this match was spent on the stuff outside and what you saw in the ring was nothing special at all, what are you supposed to say here? Weak match to build to a match that really shouldn’t be in a cage. It’s always a problem with Lockdown but rarely a big one. Weak match though.
We’ll wrap it up with Jordan’s last major match to date at Lockdown 2011.
Rating: D. Dudes, I beg of you: GIVE THE FANS SOMETHING TO CHEER FOR! Steiner was over beyond belief and was in the match for all of a minute. The opening 45 minutes of this show should be a lesson in how to kill a crowd. Nothing has been interesting and the best match has been ok at best. Well done TNA: you’ve proven me right so far.
At the end of the day, Orlando Jordan just isn’t that good. His in ring work wasn’t very good, his character was a disaster, his feuds are forgettable and there’s nothing about him worth remembering. There are definitely worse guys out there, but his stuff in TNA was just so ridiculous that it drags a relatively average guy through the floor.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Night Raw – November 24, 2014: And We Take A Break
Monday Night Raw Date: November 24, 2014
Location: Bankers Life Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield
We’re coming off one of the most eventful main events in a very long time as Sting actually debuted last night after roughly thirteen years of waiting. Team Cena prevailed over Team Authority with Dolph Ziggler actually hanging on until the end after Cena was eliminated when Big Show turned heel. Again. Other than that we’ve got less than three weeks before TLC and what might be the main event is already set with Dean Ambrose set to face Bray Wyatt in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match. Let’s get to it.
We open with the required recap of last night’s show.
Here’s the Authority to open things up because where would we be without them? Stephanie talks about how unfair last night was and blames the loss on Sting. They stand before you tonight as winners instead of losers because they still have corporate responsibilities. Stephanie starts crying and the fans chant YES. HHH knows there is no one here that could handle the Authority’s power.
We live in a universe governed by the laws of finance and commerce. They have to make decisions based on supply and demand, not what’s popular. Is Cena going to do that? Ziggler? Sting maybe? HHH doesn’t know why Sting did that last night but maybe he was trying to make his career relevant by standing in the ring with HHH for thirty seconds.
He goes into a speech from the end of A Few Good Men (almost word for word) before asking who makes the decisions now. There is no Cena, Ziggler or Ryback without the Authority and there is no WWE Universe. What are the fans going to do without Raw now? They can sit on a couch and live in their pathetic failures, because the Authority is going to leave now, but you all will beg for them to come back.
Cue Daniel Bryan of all people for one of the biggest YES chants this side of Wrestlemania. He doesn’t say anything but does the YES pose all the way up the aisle, right in the Authority’s face. That certainly woke the fans up and that’s exactly what you bring a guy like Bryan back for. Bryan stays in the ring as we go to a break.
Back from commercial with Bryan talking about how great it feels to be back in this ring tonight. It felt great to kick the Authority to the curb, but that brings him to Team Authority. As for tonight, Bryan is in charge of Raw and asks all of the losing members of Team Authority to come out here right now. Cole calls each member a loser because Cole doesn’t understand the meaning of the words “subtle” or “neutral”.
Bryan says he won’t be vindictive like the Authority so no titles are in danger and no one is being put in unfair matches. We’ll start with Rollins, who tonight gets to team with two superstars to face Cena and Ziggler. Rollins grabs a mic but it doesn’t work at first so we get some quick banter between him and Bryan.
Seth holds up the briefcase and says he’s still the future of this company. He thinks his partners will be something like Hornswoggle and El Torito or JBL and Cole. Bryan won’t be making the selections though. Instead, it’s in the WWE Universe’s hands. Daniel however, does get to pick the options. It will either be Mark Henry/Luke Harper, Mark Henry/Kane or the Stooges.
Bryan starts the voting as Rollins runs down the Stooges as being pretty bad at their job before storming off. Next up is Kane, who really shouldn’t be Director of Operations anymore. Bryan puts it up to the people and they give him a resounding NO. He won’t fire Kane but he will reassign him. Starting tonight, Kane is Director of Food and Drink, meaning he’ll be known as Concessions Kane. A guy brings out popcorn and hot dogs for Kane to carry throughout the night as we’re in comedy mode.
That brings us to Rusev and Lana. Bryan thinks the US Champion should be a bit more patriotic so he has some options. Rusev can either defend the title in a battle royal against the rest of the roster, or he can pledge allegiance to a big US flag in the middle of the ring. Lana freaks out as the crowd chants USA.
After they storm off, it’s Harper’s chance. He won the title last week with the help of the Stooges (“who you can vote for as Option C on the WWE App!”), but tonight he’s having to go it alone. Bryan needs an opponent for him though, so how about the Lunatic Fringe Dean Ambrose?
That leaves just Henry, who tries to leave before Bryan can do anything for him. Bryan was backstage when a big guy came up to him and asked for a favor. Naturally Bryan said yes because that’s his thing, so tonight a guy is going to get his chance to avenge his loss to Mark Henry a few years back at Wrestlemania, so tonight it’s Henry vs. Ryback. Bryan gave him the match because he’s running Raw tonight, and “THAT’S WHAT I DO!”
Mark Henry vs. Ryback
Ryback jumps him from the aisle and sends Henry head first into the post. He drives Henry into the barricade a few times but referees pull him off as we go to a break without a bell. Back with the opening bell and Henry already staggered. He’s still able to knock Ryback down a few times but Ryback comes back with a spinebuster. The Meat Hook connects for the pin at 55 seconds.
HHH and Stephanie are walking through the back when they run into Vince. Stephanie apologizes for letting them down but Vince says he isn’t an angry man. He is however disappointed by the two of them coming up against insurmountable odds. Somehow, someway the two of them have to fix this though. Vince yells at Stephanie for being sorry because he’s never been sorry for a thing in his life. That might change when he has to spend Thanksgiving with them though. All three leave in a limo with Vince still ranting about sorry.
Intercontinental Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper
Luke hammers away to start and drives in some shots to the throat in the corner. Dean takes him right back down and drives in crossface shots to the nose. It’s off to the arm of all things with Harper in early trouble. Luke is sent to the floor for a big dive as we take a break. Back with Harper holding a chinlock but Dean fights up, only to be sent chest first into the buckle.
Ambrose fights back with right hands but his boot to the ribs is caught and Harper shoves it back, sending Dean face first onto the mat. After a quick chinlock, Harper sends him out to the floor yet again. Another whip sends Dean into the barricade but Ambrose comes back with a hard clothesline. They head back inside with Dean grabbing a rollup for two and a crossbody for the same.
Harper gets tied up in the ropes for the running dropkick, followed by the Fameasser to drive Harper face first into the mat for two. Dean hammers away until Harper grabs the sitout Boss Man Slam for two of his own. Ambrose breaks up a superplex attempt and hits his standing elbow drop, only to eat a superkick. That’s fine with Dean who hits the Rebound Clothesline for two more. The champ goes and gets his title but Dean hits the suicide dive to prevent him from walking out. Back in and Harper fights off Dirty Deeds until he shoves Dean into the referee…..for the DQ at 14:39.
Rating: C. This took awhile to get going but I liked that they didn’t just have Bray run in for the DQ like I was expecting. The ending was stupid but at least they kept both guys looking strong. Dean facing the former Wyatt Family is a good idea, though I’m glad they didn’t put the title on him. The feud doesn’t need to be for a belt.
Post match Dean gets a chair and hits Dirty Deeds before bringing in a table and ladder. Bray sneaks in through the crowd and lays him out though, including Sister Abigail on the floor.
Big E. New Day video.
Here are Santino Marella and Larry the Cable Guy with the latter in a mask, shorts and no shirt. Larry says he’s ready to go King Kong Bundy on someone but Santino says we’re not here to wrestle. He takes off the mask and apologizes for all the eye candy. Larry says he beat up Savage one night in Florida. Santino: “Randy Savage???” Larry: “No, Fred.” The Cable Guy says he’s a fan of Steve Austin and says he’d be Stone Cold Creamery (Cold Stone Creamery is an ice cream store chain). Cue Goldust and Stardust to get in Larry’s face and that’s it.
Tag Team Titles: Miz/Damien Mizdow vs. Goldust/Stardust
Miz/Mizdow are defending and Mizdow has toy titles again. Stardust slams Miz to start but misses an elbow. Miz tries to tag out but Stardust takes him into the corner for a chest rake. It’s off to Goldust for an atomic drop, meaning Mizdow comes in to mock an atomic drop of his own. Miz dives into a punch to the ribs and Stardust breaks up another tag attempt by knocking Miz to the floor as we take a break.
Back with Stardust in control of Miz until a jawbreaker puts both guys down. The hot tag brings in Mizdow to clean house to a big reaction. He nails a quick Reality Check on Stardust and actually nips up. Stardust snaps his throat across the top though and things slow down again with Goldust holding a chinlock as a trainer checks on Miz.
A powerslam gets two on Mizdow and Stardust’s release gordbuster gets the same. Miz is telling the trainer to stay off the face as Mizdow makes his comeback and puts Starudst in the Figure Four, only to have Goldust make the save. Mizdow sends him outside but Miz makes a blind tag and hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Stardust to retain at 10:16.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but it continues the story as we get closer to Mizdow’s face turn. It would be nice if he started backing up the character in the ring and we got a glimpse of that tonight. Nothing great here but I’m glad they didn’t change the titles back just a night later.
The concessions manager yells at Kane and puts him in charge of chips.
Lana says this isn’t fair, just like America. Daniel Bryan pops up on screen and gives him them the same options, but gives us a supervisor to make sure it works well. Cue Sgt. Slaughter as the big flag comes down. Sarge leads them in the Pledge but Rusev won’t bring himself to do it. Rusev stands there for awhile and finally throws the mic down. It’s time to fight and Slaughter takes off the hat but Jack Swagger comes in for the save. This story again?
Kane gives fans food when Santino and Larry show up in line. Santino winds up wearing mustard and Larry gets a hot dog because Kane is a fan.
Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel
Rematch of the pre-show match last night. Fandango hits a hard elbow to the jaw to start but Justin knocks him off the top rope. A big clothesline flips Justin inside out though as Rosa looks on from ringside. The top rope legdrop ends Gabriel at 1:57.
Here’s a smiling Big Show in a suit for his explanation about last night. He wants to make sure everything is cool because he saw a lot of things online that didn’t sit well with him. Last night he did some things and now people see him as a bad guy. In reality he’s a human being who made a mistake.
Surely everyone has done that before though, so the people should be able to forgive him. He has a medical condition that makes him this big, but on the inside he’s a person just like us. Last night he saw John Cena vulnerable and did what he thought he had to do. Big Show is sure that everyone can forgive him because he wouldn’t have done that if he knew Team Cena was going to win anyway. He’s been putting his body on the line for the last twenty years and maybe the fans owe him this one.
The fans say he sold out and Big Show gets angry in a hurry. He’s heard all those people in the back that are calling him a coward and wants one of them to come out right now. Cue Erick Rowan, who Show calls an upside down Sheamus. Show could understand if this was John Cena or someone, but Erick Rowan? He mocks Rowan a bit before Rowan takes off the mask. That earns Erick a warning to leave before he gets hurt but Rowan says he doesn’t like bullies and the fight is on. Show is quickly knocked to the floor and he breaks the steps before leaving.
The Stooges come up to Rollins in the back and are both about a foot shorter. Ziggler comes in and says he’s asked his 1.4 million Twitter followers to vote for the Stooges.
Brie Bella vs. AJ Lee
AJ comes out with the mic and says Nikki has turned the title into a new accessory. As for Brie, “lesbihonest”, she’s an even bigger skank than her sister. Nikki offers a quick distraction so Brie can nail a hard clothesline for two. We hit a hammerlock for a bit before AJ fights up for a quick Shining Wizard for two. Nikki shouts about Brie Mode and another distraction lets Brie grab a rollup for the pin at 3:22.
Rating: D. The Bellas continue to drag down whatever segment they’re in. I know WWE thinks we care about them because they’re on a reality show but for the love of all things good and holy they’re just another pair of lame Divas. Yeah they’ve had their moments, but they’re treated like the second coming of Trish and Lita and it just doesn’t work.
AJ yells at the Bellas post match and says talent is not sexually transmitted.
Adam Rose/The Bunny vs. Tyson Kidd/Natalya
Larry the Cable Guy and Santino are on commentary to dance with the Bunny. Rose grabs him by the ears and throws him into the ring for some yelling. Rose tags out to the Bunny tos tart and it’s time for comedy. The Bunny hits a quick middle rope dropkick and stomps on Tyson in the corner. Tyson finally smacks the Bunny in the face before it’s off to Natalya….who immediately tags back to Tyson. Jerry explains the idea of the match (both teams are having relationship problems) as Ada gets two off a spinebuster. The Bunny trips Rose by mistake and Kidd hooks a rollup for the pin at 3:58.
Rating: D. We’re to the point now where there’s only so much more they can do before they unmask the Bunny. That being said, there needs to be a good reveal and I’m really not sure who is going to be a big enough deal. Larry and Santino were just kind of there and have to do stuff like this for promoting a DVD and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Ryback wants to find the concession stand.
New Day video with all three together. They’re debuting next week.
Ryback shows up to the concession stand and asks for two cans of tuna, a protein shake and a can of beef jerkey. Kane throws a hot dog at him instead so Ryback shoves the table into him. The Big Red Machine throws popcorn and ketchup at him and leaves. Ryback throws a bag of nuts at Kane and that’s it. Funny right?
Cena is in the back with Ziggler and praises Dolph for his win last night. Ziggler says he promised to find a way to survive and that’s exactly what he did. However, it took a miracle in the form of the man called Sting. Cena thanks Sting and Ziggler for changing history and giving the fans all the power. They’re going to steal the show tonight.
John Cena/Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins/???/???
Bryan comes out before the match to introduce Rollins and the partners. In a vote closer than I was expecting, the Stooges win with 93% of the vote. They come out in their suits and it’s time to fight. Noble starts with Cena but Rollins makes him take his tie off. The look on Rollins’ face is hysterical as Cena lets Noble grab a headlock. Mercury comes in and runs the ropes, only to accidentally knock his partner down. Seth has to break up an AA attempt and they go outside for a breather as we take a break.
Back with Cena in a bit of trouble until Noble misses a charge into the post. The hot tag brings in Ziggler for some clotheslines and the running DDT to Noble, but a Mercury distraction lets Rollins nail him to take over. Back to Noble for a slam and a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit until Ziggler pops up with a dropkick. Mercury comes in and allows the hot tag to Cena as house is cleaned. Everything breaks down and the Stooges try to save Rollins. This earns them a whip into each other and an AA and Zig Zag for the pin at 10:05.
Rating: D. Yeah it was bad but what else are you expecting here? Rollins not getting pinned is fine but the match really wasn’t anything to see. Cena and Ziggler beating up the Stooges is fine, even if a bit boring. This was a dull way to end a dull show though and I really didn’t care.
Bryan throws Rollins into the ring for a superkick and AA of his own. Posing looks to end the show…..but we have an e-mail from the general manager. The fans groan as Cole says the line. The party is officially over because next week is Cyber Monday when order and discipline return to Raw. The e-mail sound goes off over and over to close the show.
Overall Rating: D+. Tonight wasn’t very good but it really wasn’t supposed to be anything big. This was the show taking a night off after such a big show last night and while it’s annoying, its kind of necessary as we’re setting up the mostly meaningless TLC show before the Rumble season begins. The show wasn’t much to see but nothing on it was all that terrible. That’s more than I can say about Raw a lot of the time so we’ll call this one a dull effort.
Results
Ryback b. Mark Henry – Meat Hook
Luke Harper b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Ambrose hit the referee
Miz/Damien Mizdow b. Goldust/Stardust – Skull Crushing Finale to Stardust
Fandango b. Justin Gabriel – Top rope legdrop
Brie Bella b. AJ Lee – Rollup
Tyson Kidd/Natalya b. Adam Rose/The Bunny – Rollup to Rose
Dolph Ziggler/John Cena b. Seth Rollins/Jamie Noble/Joey Mercury – Zig Zag to Mercury
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: November 17, 2014
I know I’m running late with this but you try putting out a book and having a bad sinus infection and see if you can write about a show featuring a grumpy cat. Anyway, this was the go home show for Survivor Series and the big question was how would the teams look going into the only match that matters on Sunday. Let’s get to it.
The show opened, naturally, with the Authority. Trips and Steph went on a rampage about WCW and how this is all they have and all that jazz. They recruited Ryback, showed him clips of Cena insulting him last year, and were told that Ryback is on his own. Somehow, this again took about twenty minutes. That’s one of the most annoying things about WWE anymore: these opening segments that you could cover in half the time. I would ask why that’s so hard, but it’s because HHH talks slower than a turtle and Stephanie goes on forever with the same bad acting over and over.
Immediately after the promo that would not die, Harper beat Ziggler to win the Intercontinental Title. This made the most sense as there’s almost no way that Ziggler can have all those matches against big names and not eventually drop the title. It’s even better that they had Rollins attack Ziggler before the match so it wasn’t even a clean loss. That’s what I’m talking about by protecting someone and they did it well with Ziggler.
Miz and Mizdow spent most of the night talking to the Grumpy Cat. Thankfully they kept this short but it was still stupid.
The Bunny cost Adam Rose another match, so the hopping enthusiast….uh…..shall we say, simulated something by thrusting his hips behind Rose. Again, it was stupid.
Bray Wyatt and Dean Ambrose said the same things about Dean’s father being in jail and Ambrose growing up alone. Bray can cast out the demons, so Ambrose came down and beat him up. Standard build but I’d like them to actually go somewhere with these interesting ideas.
Larry the Cable Guy is guest hosting next week due to being in the latest WWE movie that almost no one will see.
Ryback beat Cesaro in a good power match. This is the standard idea of “let’s let two guys who are really strong hit each other really hard” and as usual, it worked well.
Lana teased us with a topless photo ala Kim Kardashian which wound up being of Vladimir Putin. Heath Slater came out dressed like Apollo Creed from Rocky and got beaten up faster than I expected him too.
Big Show and Stephanie had another of their stupid arguments until Sheamus came out. Stephanie made a match between them for a shot at the World Title, but the Authority came in for the DQ. Yeah it was a DQ because they hit Sheamus first, and Heaven forbid they just hit both guys at the same time. Of course it was called a no contest because that’s the planned ending, despite whatever actually happened. The match itself was ok with Sheamus showing off his freakish strength but there might as well have been a big countdown clock until the obvious finish. Sheamus was beaten down and apparently injured.
Nikki Bella had Brie dress up as AJ for an exhibition. The real AJ’s distraction let Brie get a rollup pin while looking better than she usually does.
Cena gave Ryback a pep talk to try and get him to join.
The four teams in Sunday’s fourway had a bad eight man tag. This was exactly what it sounds like.
The big closing segment was Cena confronting Team Authority for a contract signing. Cena signed and then talked about how he’s going to take out every single member in a row. This went on WAY too long until Big Show and Ziggler came out to fight with him. Erick Rowan of all people came out to back them up and Cena was fine with it.
I can live with this as while Rowan was in a war with Cena earlier this year, Cena is going to take whoever he can get at this point. It’s a stretch but it worked. Cesaro came out as well but sided with the Authority in a nice bit of trolling. Ryback came out as the real fifth man and Team Cena dominated to end the show.
Overall, again, Raw was all about a single idea. It’s annoying but it’s all they’re focusing on for Sunday. I’m so sick of hearing about this match though and Sunday can’t get here soon enough. Ryback being the focus is interesting, but I have little confidence in WWE to actually pull the trigger on him in any way.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Survivor Series 2014 Date: November 23, 2014
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler
We’re finally to one of the biggest one match shows I can ever remember. THey aren’t even trying to hide the fact that this is all about the main event this year and it’s taken a lot to get through the rest of the card as a result. Obviously this is about Team Cena vs. the Authority with the future of both groups on the line. Let’s get to it.
Pre-Show: Fandango vs. Justin Gabriel
Fandango is new and improved, meaning he now has Rosa in his corner, comes out to what sounds like Spanish music and wrestles in an open chest sweater. Gabriel gets knocked out to the floor as the announcers talk about his skeleton themed pants. Justin comes back with a kick to the face for two but Fandango takes his head off with a clothesline. A release suplex sets up Fandango’s top rope legdrop for the pin at 3:26.
Rating: D. As usual, Rosa was the most entertaining thing out there. This was the same Fandango we’ve seen for nearly two years now and he’s somehow less interesting than he was before. The sweater doesn’t make me care about him any more and he’s just as generic in the ring as he was before he left. Not much to see here.
Bad News Barrett comes out for the first time in months. His topic of course is the main event and he has some bad news for Cena: if the Authority wins, Cena’s life is going to be a nightmare. On the other hand, if the Authority loses, the WWE will never be lost in the era of Bad News Barrett. This was actually something close to a face promo.
Pre-Show: Jack Swagger vs. Cesaro
This is an added match. Cesaro comes out to talk about being neutral like Switzerland when Zeb and Swagger come out to say if Cesaro is on Team Authority, he and Jack are on Team Cena. Swagger grabs him by the ribs to start but Cesaro grabs a suplex to take over. A double stomp is countered into the Patriot Lock though and Cesaro is in early trouble. He kicks Swagger out to the floor though before Swagger charges back in and goes shoulder first into the post.
A German suplex puts Swagger down again and another suplex gets two. Cesaro drops a middle rope elbow for the same and we hit the chinlock. Swagger quickly fights up and loads the Vader Bomb but has to stop and grab the Patriot Lock instead. They’re too close to the ropes though and Cesaro starts rolling Germans. Swagger rolls through again and puts on the third Patriot Lock for the submission at 5:23.
Rating: C-. The match was better than Fandango’s as I have a reason to care about these guys but it was still nothing great. We’ve seen these guys fight so many times now that it’s hard to get interested in yet another match. It’s nice to see Swagger win, but this is another match that could have been on the main show to flesh out the card a bit.
The opening video was all about the main event which I’m sure you’ve heard by now. Literally, nothing else was even mentioned. There’s usually some history if nothing else.
Here’s Vince to open the show. He does his usual enthusiastic welcome and brings out the Authority for a chat. HHH talks about how Vince is the reason we’re here and the Authority starts a Vince chant. The boss cuts them off and asks Vince to come out here. Vince says that tonight, Cena is in charge of four men’s lives. HHH takes over and says that when Team Cena loses tonight, four men are going to be out of work and quickly forgotten.
Stephanie says that if their team loses, they’ll still be running the show, just not from Raw. “Right Dad?” Vince: “Not exactly.” Apparently if HHH and Stephanie lose tonight, they have no authority over any WWE Superstar. Actually, there’s only one man that could ever bring them back to power.
Stephanie immediately starts sucking up to her dad but Vince says the decision will lie with Cena. Stephanie goes into her I’M A MCMAHON speech but Cena cuts her off and says she’s gone tonight. Cena grabs the mic and says that after they’re gone, just like the song says, there is NO CHANCE that he’ll bring them back.
Tag Team Titles: Los Matadores vs. Goldust/Stardust vs. Usos vs. Miz/Damien Mizdow
The opening bell is over 22 minutes into the show. Goldust and Stardust are defending with one fall to a finish. Diego cranks on Stardust’s arm to start before it’s quickly off to Miz vs. Fernando. Mizdow is doing the exact same things on the floor as he’s known to do. Miz gets slammed off the top, so Mizdow goes up top and flips himself off for good measure. The fans want Mizdow to come in but Miz isn’t quite ready for the tag yet.
Instead it’s off to Jimmy for some armdrags on Fernando before it’s quickly off to Jey for some chops. Stardust low bridges Jey to the floor and the champs take over in the corner. The fans still want Mizdow but get the drop down uppercut from Stardust instead. Jey tries a sunset flip but Miz tags himself in to take over. Jey falls into the corner for a tag to Diego as this is almost impossible to keep up with. The Backstabber gets two on Miz but he comes right back with a clothesline to Diego.
Miz takes him into the corner and still won’t tag Damien. The running clothesline in the corner is finally enough to make him tag Mizdow but Goldust tags himself in before Damien can do anything. Diego and Goldust trade rollups until Diego is sent into the corner for some double teaming by the champions. Stardust comes in to crank on the arms before scoring with a clothesline. He tells the fans they want him instead of Mizdow before he sends Diego out to the floor.
Goldust scores with a clothesline on the floor before throwing him back inside for a chinlock. Stardust goes up for a sunset flip on Goldust who is holding Diego in a German suplex for a big catapult spot. Diego sends him to the apron but Stardust shoves Fernando into the post. Back in and Diego counters what looked to be a tombstone attempt into a spinning DDT to drop Stardust.
It’s off to Jimmy vs. Goldust with the Samoan taking over before tagging in Jey for the running Umaga attack in the corner. A bunch of superkicks drop Stardust but Diego breaks up the double dive. Goldust powerslam Jimmy for two but Jey nails him with an enziguri. Now the Usos hit the double dive but Stardust hits the Falling Star onto both of them.
Fernando launches Torito onto everyone before Diego dives onto everyone plus the bull. Goldust breaks up Fernando’s dive as Diego gets back in. All four go up for a big Tower of Doom with Fernando taking the worst of it. Jimmy comes in with the Superfly Splash but Miz sends Jimmy into the post. Mizdow tags himself in and pins Fernando for the pin and the titles at 15:25.
Rating: C+. The match was entertaining and the absolutely right call, but they needed to cut some time out of this. This was the kind of match where it was clear that they were just trying to fill in time and those things get old in a hurry. It took awhile to get going but it was solid once it sped up. Mizdow getting the pin is the perfect ending too.
Miz celebrates with both belts.
Vince McMahon and Steve Austin will be doing a live Steve Austin Show next Monday after Raw.
Adam Rose and the Bunny are in the back with the Exotic Express. They’re going to settle their differences by playing with the latest WWE toys. Rose reminds the Bunny where he was before Rose found him. The Bunny wins in about five seconds so Titus O’Neil and Heath Slater come in to laugh at Rose. Adam says the Bunny worships him and a tag match is made for later. Fans: “NO! NO! NO!”
Paige/Cameron/Summer Rae/Layla vs. Emma/Natalya/Alicia Fox/Naomi
Elimination tag. Natalya and Paige get things going and we already have a Nattie’s Husband chant. Paige is quickly sent to the floor as we get the required Cheesy/Sleazy/Queasy reference. Lawler even gets the year wrong. Paige sends Natalya into the corner so it’s off to Layla vs. Emma. They trade rollups with Emma being rather clumsy, allowing Layla to roll her up for two.
Emma gets caught in the heel corner and stomped by Paige a bit. Paige spends a lot of time trash talking though and takes a HARD forearm to the head. They head to the top with Emma hitting a nice superplex but Paige is right next to the corner for a tag to Cameron. The screeching begins and Cameron can barely slap Emma right. The fans want Mizdow again as Emma gets two off a backslide.
Naomi tags herself in and kicks Cameron across the ring. A cross body gets no cover but a Stunner of all things gets two on Cameron. Everything breaks down and everyone nails everyone else until Cameron hits a horrible bulldog on Natalya, only to have Naomi hook a nice bridging rollup to eliminate Cameron. Summer comes in but runs from a kick to the face. Naomi kicks her anyway but gets pulled down by the hair. Back up and Summer knocks all of her opponents off the apron, only to have Fox come in and run her over a few times.
Fox cross bodies Paige and loads up a dive to the floor but all of her opponents back up. Summer gets in, gets screamed at, and tags out to Layla. The Brit (Layla) laughs at Fox for climbing down a second ago and gets smacked in the face. A northern lights suplex gets two on Layla but she comes back with her bouncing cross body.
Fox nails a quick backbreaker and it’s 4-2. Paige comes in for some cheap shots but it’s quickly off to Natalya vs. Summer. Natalya runs her over with a discus lariat and a low dropkick but Paige trips her up from the floor. Summer gets in some cheap shots on the apron but stops to mock Paige, only to have Paige knock her off the apron.
It’s off to Emma vs. Summer with Emma hooking the Dilemma (Tarantula) for a few seconds. The Emma Sandwich (cross body in the corner) sets up the Emma Lock (bridging Indian Deathlock) to make Summer tap. It’s Paige vs. all four opponents and the fans are completely in her corner. Paige tries to leave but Emma catches her like she stole something. That’s not cool with Paige who runs Emma over but it’s quickly off to Natalya, who promptly eats a boot to the face. Naomi comes in with the Rear View and a headscissors faceplant to FINALLY end this at 14:16.
Rating: D-. This was terrible as they were clearly just filling time and had almost no business being on a show this big. The girls were mostly sloppy with Cameron being as close to a disaster as you can get. They would have been much better off just having Naomi vs. Paige but why do that when you can get eight Divas out there to ruin a match?
We recap Fandango’s return and Bad News Barrett’s speech from the pre-show.
The expert panel of Booker T., Paul Heyman and Alex Riley talk about the new stipulations for the main event.
We recap Ambrose vs. Wyatt. Bray Wyatt cost Ambrose his match inside the Cell and started talking about Dean’s childhood where he was abandoned by his father and forced to live a hard life. Dean basically said he wanted to hurt Wyatt and that’s about it.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
Dean drives him into the corner to start and hammers away with right hands and kicks to the gut. Wyatt comes back with a right hand of his own and they head outside with Dean hitting a nice running forearm off the apron. Back in and Bray takes him down with the running cross body for two as things slow down a bit. They head outside again with Dean going up, only to dive into a right hand to put him down again. Bray stomps Dean’s hands on the steps before taking him back inside for two.
We hit a full nelson on the mat but Dean bites the fingers to escape. That’s fine with Bray who just runs Ambrose over again. They head outside yet again for a double clothesline before slowly crawling back inside. Dean hammers away with forearms to the head and some running elbows before doing Bray’s upside down pose in the corner. Dirty Deeds is broken up but Dean has to counter Sister Abigail into a rollup for two.
With Bray’s feet on the ropes, Dean ties the arms into the ropes for a running dropkick, followed by a legdrop to the back of the head for two. Back up and a big slam gets two for Bray but he misses a middle rope backsplash. Ambrose goes up top and connects with a top rope elbow, even though Bray was standing up. That’s a new one.
Bray gets up and knocks Dean’s head off with a clothesline, sending Ambrose out to the floor. The release Rock Bottom puts Dean onto the steps but Ambrose somehow kicks out. Bray heads back outside and grabs the mic. He asks Dean why he’s doing this and shouts that it didn’t have to be like this.
They could have ruled the world together and there’s nothing anyone back there could do to touch them. Ambrose has chosen his path and there’s a microphone shot to the head. Bray finds some chairs under the ring but Dean takes one away. Wyatt drops to his knees like he did to Cena at Wrestlemania and Dean nails him in the ribs for the DQ at 14:00.
Rating: B-. This took its time to get going but turned into a violent brawl after awhile. They’re clearly setting up something else for this feud and I’m glad they didn’t give it a clean ending here. Ambrose is much more of a monster than Cena was going to be so the ending makes sense here. These two in a wild brawl could work really well.
Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds onto the chair and loads Bray on a table. A top rope elbow puts both guys through the wood but Dean isn’t done. He puts another table on top of Bray and covers it up with chairs. With Wyatt not moving, Ambrose pulls out a ladder. He climbs on top of it….and stands there as his music plays. Dean climbs down and teases shoving the ladder onto Bray but referees stop him.
HHH and Stephanie give Team Authority a long pep talk. The gist of it is if they lose, the team’s lives will be destroyed.
Slater Gator vs. Adam Rose/The Bunny
The Bunny starts but Rose tags in before anything happens. Slater kicks Adam’s head off to start before it’s off to Titus for some throws into the corner. Adam dives over for the tag to the Bunny as the announcers make rabbit jokes. With Adam demanding a tag, the Bunny hits a middle rope dropkick for the pin on Slater at 2:25.
Roman Reigns is here via satellite and says he’s getting better every single day. He’d rather be here with us and asks the fans if they want to know what he’d do if here were there. Reigns would cock back his fist and make it reign in the arena. JBL says Reigns isn’t here but Seth Rollins is here in the main event. How would Reigns feel if Team Authority won. Reigns calls that a stupid question as he threw a cinder block at Seth’s head. It doesn’t matter what happens tonight because in a month, either team might be out, but he’ll be back at that time.
Team Cena is in the back and they all know what they signed up for. Well we’re assuming Rowan does as he’s playing with a Rubik’s Cube. Cena says there’s one thing left to do when Rowan stands up and says win.
Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella
AJ is defending and Nikki has her sister Brie as an assistant. We get big match intros and Brie gets up on the apron with with title in her hand. She kisses AJ, allowing Nikki to get in a cheap shot and the Rack Attack gives us a new champ at 38 seconds in the Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan ending from Wrestlemania XXVIII.
Indeed, the Bellas are back together.
We recap Ambrose vs. Wyatt, who will be in a TLC match three weeks from tonight.
Long recap of the main event. I’m assuming you get the idea by this point.
Team Cena vs. Team Authority
John Cena, Ryback, Erick Rowan, Big Show, Dolph Ziggler
Seth Rollins, Kane, Luke Harper, Rusev, Mark Henry
Rusev is US Champion and Harper is Intercontinental Champion. The Authority and Stooges are at ringside of course. Henry and Big Show get things going with Mark shouting that he’s going to hurt everyone. HHH and Stephanie stay on the apron for support but Henry charges right into the KO Punch to make it 5-4 in less than a minute. Harper drops to the floor and tries to sneak up on Show but it’s a decoy for Rollins to come in from behind. HHH is dejected and sitting in a chair with his tie off.
Rollins has exactly as much luck against Show as you would expect and it’s off to Kane. Show sends him into the corner and it’s Cena in to hammer away. A dropkick puts Kane down so he tags in Harper, who gets to face Rowan. The fans are behind Erick but we’re not quite ready yet as Seth tags himself in. That’s fine with Rowan who hammers away in the corner and crushes him with a splash. A slam plants Rollins and it’s off to Ryback for a back drop.
Harper comes in and takes a delayed vertical suplex so it’s quickly off to Kane. Ryback Thesz presses him down and gets two off a splash. We get a showdown between Ryback and Rusev with the champ quickly getting slammed down. There’s the Meat Hook but Rusev escapes the Shell Shock and sends Ryback into a boot from Kane. Everything breaks down and it’s a huge brawl with Rollins hitting the Curb Stomp on Ryback. The running superkick from Rusev is enough to eliminate Ryback and tie things up.
Things settle down and it’s Rusev vs. Big Show, because this has gone so well for the giant recently. It’s quickly off to Harper who gets thrown around the corner, only to come back with a dropkick to put Show down. Rollins comes in for some cheap shots before it’s off to Kane for a bunch of stomps. Back to Harper for the Gator Roll before we hit the chinlock. Show fights up and makes the tag to Ziggler as things speed up. Dolph nails Rollins off the apron but charges into the sitout Boss Man Slam for two.
The Authority takes over on Ziggler with Rusev throwing him down for two. Off to Kane for the side slam and big boot for two each. Rusev comes in again to talk Russian trash but Dolph comes back with right hands to the head. Rollins takes him back down again and the slow destruction continues. A release Downward Spiral into the corner gets two on Dolph and we hit the chinlock.
Back to Rusev who runs into the DDT for two but Harper makes the save. Cena comes in with an AA to Harper but Kane chokeslams him. Show chokeslams Kane but Rollins takes him down with the springboard knee. Rowan backdrops Seth onto everyone else but Rusev nails him with a spinwheel kick. Ziggler’s Fameasser to Rusev is countered and Rusev throws him onto about six people at ringside. Rusev loads up the announcers’ table and sets Ziggler for a splash but Dolph moves, sending Rusev crashing through the wood. Only Ziggler beats the count and we’re down to 4-3. That’s one of the only ways to get rid of Rusev.
Back in and Cena gets the hot tag to go after Kane with the usual. The AA connects but Rollins nails a quick Curb Stomp. The referee is totally fine with all of this as Cole is losing his mind. The double tag brings in Harper and Rowan for the showdown we’ve been waiting to see for DAYS. Rowan cleans house and nails a spin kick on Harper but everything breaks down again. Rollins comes in for another Curb Stomp to Rowan, setting up the discus lariat from Harper to tie things up.
We’re down to Show/Cena/Ziggler vs. Kane/Rollins/Harper. We get the showdown and Show turns heel by knocking out Cena….FOR A PIN??? Cena is out and we’re down to 3-2. Show shakes HHH’s hand and walks out, effectively making it 3-1. The fans want Orton as Cena wakes up and realizes what’s going on. Stephanie shouts “OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH” and fails at having any sort of rhythm.
Ziggler gets thrown into the barricade by Kane for two back inside. Off to Harper as Cena has left like he’s supposed to. Rollins comes in a few seconds later and takes Ziggler to the corner, telling him to tag his partners. Back to Kane as the domination continues. Kane loads up a superplex but gets shoved down and cross bodied for two. The superkick and Zig Zag take out Kane and it’s 2-1.
Harper comes in and kicks Dolph’s head off, knocking him out to the floor. A big suicide dive takes Dolph out again as Cole is cheering for Ziggler more than he ever did for Miz. Harper brings Dolph back inside for a superkick but Dolph kicks out again. A Batista Bomb gets the same and Harper is getting frustrated. Dolph grabs a rollup out of nowhere (and a handful of jeans) to tie things up. That probably gets him a rematch for the title at TLC as well.
It’s Rollins vs. Ziggler and Seth comes in to stomp away. He throws Dolph to the floor and into the barricade as Ziggler is on fumes. Back in and Ziggler grabs a small package for two and a quick DDT gets the same. The fans are WAY into these near falls. HHH is losing his mind at ringside as Rollins just lays in right hands to the head. Seth goes up but Ziggler runs the corner, only to get shoved down. A super Curb Stomp misses and the Fameasser gets an even closer two.
The Zig Zag is countered but the Stooges offer a distraction. The second attempt connects on Rollins but HHH takes the referee out. Now the Stooges come in for the beatdown but they screw up as only Stooges can. Ziggler throws Mercury into Stephanie, knocking her into her husband. The Buckle Bomb is countered and the Zig Zag connects. A second referee comes in for the count but HHH breaks it up AGAIN.
He hammers on Dolph and nails a huge clothesline before planing Ziggler with a Pedigree. Rollins is laid on top as referee #3 (crooked Scott Armstrong) comes out……BUT WE HAVE STING! He slowly walks out and nails Armstrong before staring down HHH. The fans find this awesome as they circle each other very slowly. HHH swings but Sting lays him out with the Death Drop. Ziggler and Rollins (who hasn’t moved an inch for about eight minutes after a single Zig Zag) are still down but Sting throws Ziggler on top of him for the pin at 42:08.
Rating: B+. Sting just debuted. You think ANY of the rest of this matters?
Ok for the sake of covering it: the match wasn’t great but they had me freaking out at the end with those near falls and then the crow sounding to have Sting come out. Above all but one thing (which should be obvious), this was about Ziggler instead of Cena, who wasn’t out there for the last fifteen minutes or so. This is the biggest rub Ziggler has ever had and the question now is where he goes with it. That’s a great way to end a show and one heck of a rub.
Cena comes out to hug Ziggler and help him to the back. The fans sing the Goodbye Song to the Authority as Stephanie shouts that THIS IS NOT OVER as the show ends.
Overall Rating: C. That main event and the surprise bring this WAY up as this was looking to be one of the worst shows in a long time until the main event. It’s the definition of a one match show (mostly at least) but just like many a Royal Rumble before it, that one match dragged the show up. It’s a rare thing that I can feel my heart beating at the end of a match but that’s exactly what happened during that last sequence. Awesome ending to a bad show.
Results
Miz/Damien Mizdow b. Usos, Los Matadores and Goldust/Stardust – Mizdow pinned Fernando after a Superfly Splash from Jimmy
Naomi/Natalya/Alicia Fox/Emma b. Cameron/Layla/Summer Rae/Paige – Headscissors faceplant to Paige
Bray Wyatt b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Ambrose used a chair
Adam Rose/The Bunny b. Slater Gator – Middle rope dropkick to Slater
Nikki Bella b. AJ Lee – Rack Attack
Team Cena b. Team Authority – Zig Zag to Rollins
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
It’s time for this months pa…..you don’t actually have to pay for this, unless you pay for the Network every month. However, this is as one note of a show as you can find as the entire show is about Team Cena vs. Team Authority and the rest is barely mentioned. Even after Raw there were only four matches announced with a bonus being added later in the week. This show is going to be all about the main event which is usually a bad idea. Let’s get to it.
We’ll start with the preshow with the new and improved Fandango facing someone to be announced. I have a feeling this is a way to have a big name return against him and beat him, which would be more entertaining. Fandango stopped meaning anything after he didn’t win the Intercontinental Title so I don’t see this meaning anything.
I’ll go in reverse order this time so you might have a reason to keep reading.
Miz and Mizdow need the titles at this point as there’s no reason to not capitalize on Mizdow any longer. He has a short shelf life so giving him a Tag Team Title is about as good as you can ask for from him.
The Bellas get the Divas Title because it’s been a whole month since this stupid personal servant thing started and about three weeks since it meant anything. The sisters seem totally fine with each other anymore and I think we’re setting up a Bellas reunion as a season finale of Total Divas, making the last few months completely pointless. AJ doesn’t need the belt anymore, though to be fair I don’t need the Bellas anymore in general.
Paige, Cameron, Layla and Summer to win the elimination tag in a match that means even less than it seems to.
Bray vs. Dean is one of those matches where it’s a coin flip. Bray needs the win to rebuild himself and Dean has basically been thrown in a freezer since the Cell. The story is good but they need to actually go somewhere with it instead of just saying vague things about Ambrose’s dad causing him all this emotional damage. I can’t imagine this has a clean finish and I’d assume we’re seeing a gimmicky match next month.
That brings us to the main event, which is more along the lines of what kind of swerves we get. The possibilities range from someone turning on Cena to HHH offering immunity to a member of Team Cena to HHH having to step into the match himself and probably a lot more than that. I still think Orton returns and completes his face turn, likely setting up a showdown with Rollins, perhaps for the briefcase and then a feud with Lesnar. Or maybe I’m just wishful.
As for the match itself, I can’t imagine it winds up with anyone but Cena at the end, triumphing over the Authority and winning the day. While this could be a great chance to give someone else a rub, it doesn’t seem like that’s something that’s likely to happen. Rusev isn’t going to get pinned and odds are Ziggler or Rowan pins Harper to set up a match for the title later on. At the end though, it’s probably Cena pinning either HHH or Rollins to free the company from the Authority.
As for the big name rumored to make an appearance, as I’ve said millions of times, I’ll believe it when I see it. If he shows up here to plug the game and that’s the last we see of him, it’s like Dolph Ziggler’s 45 minute title reign a few years back: yeah it happened, but it’s a cheap way to check something off a list.
Overall Survivor Series really isn’t doing it for me, though the main event should be fun. There’s almost bound to be something extra added to the card, with Rose vs. the Bunny as a possibility. Of course they could add a third elimination tag without too much effort, but I can’t imagine they’ll actually do that at SURVIVOR SERIES.
Lucha Underground – October 29, 2014 (Debut Episode): They’ve Got ECW on Sci-Fi Beat
Lucha Underground Date: October 29, 2014
Location: Lucha Underground Arena, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
This is the debut episode of a new promotion based around, of course, lucha libre. While there have been other promotions like this before, this company has a decent roster of people you’ve actually heard of and has been getting some solid reviews. Naturally I’m two weeks late to get out front of it but when has that stopped me before? Let’s get to it.
We open with a video of people fighting in what looks like an underground fight club. A masked man comes in for an airplane spin and Wasteland before telling someone to come with him. Off to a cave in Mexico, talking about the Aztec Empire and then lucha libre. That’s quite the jump. The owner, Dario Cueto, says he’s opening the doors to let these people come to America. Now a bunch of people are shown walking towards I’d assume the arena, spliced together with clips of matches.
We even have credits like a movie.
The announcers welcome us to the show and oh dear I don’t like these guys already.
Here’s Dario Cueto to address the promotion. This is a temple to honor ancient traditions like honor and violence. Whoever impresses him the most will get a signing bonus of $100,000.
Blue Demon Jr. vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Demon Jr. is a former NWA World Champion and 48 years old. I’m going to assume you know Guerrero. They shake hands to start as Striker goes on some tangent about honor. Chavo takes him down by the arm to start before Demon takes over with a test of strength. A quick run of the ropes ends with Demon “headscissoring” Chavo to the floor (the editing here is decent enough to cover botches) and baseball sliding him down. Back in and Demon hits a loud slap to the jaw as we keep cutting to an overhead camera shot like you’ll see in TLC matches.
Chavo comes out of the corner with a tornado DDT before taking Demon out to the floor. A nice plancha puts the masked man down but he comes back in with a slam. Demon favors his knee and takes forever to get to the top, only to miss a flip dive. Chavo puts him up top for a hurricanrana but Demon blocks (Striker: “Could this be some sort of a hanging triangle choke???”) and plants Chavo with a powerbomb, as anyone who has watched wrestling before and isn’t Matt Striker could have told you. Demon puts on a kind of Sharpshooter/Liontamer hybrid while lifting Chavo’s arm off the mat for the submission.
Rating: D+. The wrestling wasn’t bad but I’m going to get tired of having the camera constantly cutting to the crowd or that overhead shot or the announcers. It’s bad enoughthat I have to listen to Striker but I have to look at him during the matches? This was a decent enough power vs. speed match though and it did its job.
In a scene designed to feel like it’s from an over the top film noir movie, the boss is in his office with Konnan. Cueto thanks Konnan for coming here and Konnan says he’s the toughest guy around. The boss likes the sound of that but he’s brought in a guy named Johnny Mundo who doesn’t respect the business. If Konnan and a guy whose name sounded like Puma can take him out, they’ll split the $100,000. Konnan nods as cheesy music played. This was so totally different than the stuff I have to put up with on Raw that I kind of loved it.
We see Johnny Mundo warming up and it’s John Morrison.
Video on Mundo’s opponent tonight: Prince Puma. His manager Konnan narrates the video, talking about how Aztec luchardoes fought to the death in their day. They would claim the loser’s head, which evolved into the mask being so important. This brings us to Puma himself and we hear some praise from Konnan. Apparently Puma’s spirit animal is a jaguar. That sounds cool if nothing else.
Son of Havoc vs. Sexy Star
Havoc seems to be a masked biker with a long beard, played by Matt Cross. I’ve seen Star in AAA before so I actually have an idea of what’s going on here. She comes out with wings like Melina from Wrestlemania one year which work for entrance attire. We get a package on Star with her talking about how she’s doing this for all the women that don’t want to be afraid anymore.
Back in the arena, Havoc says he isn’t wrestling a woman, so she can lose by countout and live to fight another day. Star heads outside and lets the count go to five before charging back in and jumping Havoc from behind. He easily shoves her down and….does the Tango with her for all I know as the camera is on Striker. Havoc misses a moonsault but plants her down with ease. Star sends him chest first into the buckle and gets two off a high cross body, only to get caught in a backbreaker and pinned with a handful of tights. Short but Star looked good.
Chavo Guerrero is in Cueto’s office where the boss is asking what happened. In the first match in Cueto’s temple, Chavo tapped out. What would his family think if they knew that? Since Chavo couldn’t do it, Cueto will bring in someone else to stop Blue Demon, but once he’s here, no one can stop him.
Johnny Mundo vs. Prince Puma
Puma is indy wrestler Ricochet and has Konnan with him. Feeling out process to start with Mundo nailing a shoulder but Puma nips right back up. They fight over wristlocks with Puma flipping and spinning as Striker tells us to go to the internet to find out about different styles of wrestling. Both guys go down and it’s a double nipup to get us to a standoff. Vampiro says Puma is going to be corrupted by Konnan so I guess he’s heel here?
Puma spins around Mundo with a headscissors before sending him out to the floor. It earns a standing ovation from Vampiro and the fans think it’s awesome. Back in and Mundo hits a quick backbreaker and throws Puma throat first onto the top rope. A spinning kick to the head sends Puma to the floor but Mundo takes his time throwing him back in, allowing Prince to dropkick him down. Puma nails a slingshot splash and hooks a full nelson with the legs. Back up and Puma enziguris him out to the floor.
They head over the announcers’ table with Mundo climbing the table and flipping over Puma, only to send him face first into the post. Back in and we hit the chinlock on Puma but he fights up with another kick to the face. A springboard high cross body gets two on Mundo and a standing shooting star gets the same. They slug it out with Mundo driving him into the corner and hammering away.
Mundo speeds things up with clotheslines and a running knee to the face gets two. The Flying Chuck (Disaster Kick) gets two for Mundo and another running knee gets the same. Puma avoids the End of the World (Starship Pain) and takes Puma down with a springboard double knee to the chest. A springboard 450 misses and Moonlight Drive (the flip neckbreaker) gets two for Mundo. Johnny pops back up and hits a C4 and the End of the World for the pin.
Rating: B. Good main event here where they got to show off some athleticism and give the fans something to come back for. All the flips and dives and such really isn’t my style but this was entertaining stuff. Mundo is a guy that people are going to recognize and it’s a good idea to have him win the first main event.
Mundo raises Puma’s hand but here’s a ticked off Cueto. He says Mundo has earned the money but Cueto slams the case closed. Mundo goes for the money but two guys (indy wrestlers Ricky Reyes and Lil Cholo) come in to beat him down. Mundo fights them off but Ezekiel Jackson comes in to lay out Mundo and Puma. Prince is sent into a 3D into a Codebreaker while Mundo takes a chokeslam. Cueto gets back in and says these guys work for him to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. Yeah I liked this, though the rating is on a bit of a softer scale. I’m not sure if it’s enough to keep me coming around every week but I’ll check out the next few episodes. It’s VERY different from mainstream wrestling and that’s a good thing. Cueto is basically Vince with a Spanish accent but I’ve seen far worse. The wrestling was mediocre to good but again it’s different enough to carry the show.
That being said, there’s A LOT to work on. First of all, someone work on shooting Matt Striker. I can’t stand him now, I couldn’t stand him in WWE and I can’t picture ever being able to stand him. He’s that commenter on the internet that thinks he knows more than you because he uses every proper name for everything and it drives me crazy. The constant camera cuts get annoying as well but if they keep it on the ring in some form or another I can live with it. It’s a solid debut and I’ll check out a few more episodes to see where it goes.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the Royal Rumble at Amazon for just $3.99 at: