Today is someone a little off. It’s Heiden-Heidenreich.

Heidenreich got his start in 2001 so we’ll pick things up there with a dark match on December 18.

Perry Saturn vs. Jon Heidenreich

Jon is a hometown boy and comes to the ring in a football jersey. They fight over a lockup to start until Saturn takes over with some hard forearms. A clothesline puts Saturn down and Heidenreich stomps away but Perry comes back with some kicks to the ribs. Heidenreich gets dropped with a legsweep and we hit the reverse chinlock.

That goes nowhere so Saturn picks things up with a spinning springboard dropkick for two. The fans think this is boring and Saturn gets one off a neckbreaker. Heidenreich comes back with a powerslam and spinebuster for two and a back elbow gets the same. This is already dragging. Saturn finally puts on a standing armbar of all things for the win.

Rating: D. I can see why this was kept in the dark. This match just kept going and the fans had no reason to care whatsoever. Heidenreich looked good and was decent in the ring but these guys had no chemistry together. Bad match and not a good way to get the fans into a show that’s about to start.

After a year in OVW, Heidenreich would show up in 2003, where fought Rico on Heat, December 14, 2003. This was before Armageddon 2003.

Rico vs. Heidenreich

Heidenreich catches him in mid air but Rico kisses his way to freedom. An atomic drop puts Rico down and a clothesline sends him to the floor. Rico’s manager offers a good looking distraction and Rico grabs a neckbreaker for a pin out of nowhere.

Heidenreich would be in OVW for most of 2004 before returning in 2005 to feud with the Undertaker. Here’s their big showdown at Royal Rumble 2005.

Undertaker vs. Heidenreich

Taker grabs a headlock to start and pulls Heidenreich towards the casket but (Jon) Heidenreich runs away. That works so well that we do it again and Jon is terrified. Since that didn’t quite work, Taker hooks the leg with a half crab, causing Heidenreich to crawl towards the ropes in front of the casket. As we ignore the problem of crawling to the ropes, Jon bails to the floor to take the fight out there.

Heidenreich sends Taker into the casket and pounds his head into it, which apparently isn’t a problem for him. Back in and Heidenreich pounds away in the corner, only to get caught in a modified triangle choke. Taker pulls the hold down to the mat and Heidenreich is almost out, so here’s Snitsky to break up the hold. After a double suplex to Taker, the monsters start pulling him to the casket…..which has Kane inside.

Kane, who was feuding with Snitsky over Snitsky punting a plastic version of the baby that Kane’s wife Lita (just go with it) lost, destroys both guys and takes Snitsky into the crowd. Heidenreich starts shoving the casket away very slowly before slamming Taker into the steps. Heidenreich slides the casket into Taker, which looks rather stupid as Taker had nothing behind him to be crushed against but whatever.

Back in and Jon puts on a cobra clutch which chokes Taker out enough to get him into the casket. Well mostly in at least as Taker sticks an arm out and chokes away. With Heidenreich’s torso in the casket, Taker drops the apron legdrop in the spot of the match. Back in and Heidenreich is suddenly fine, pounding away on the Dead Man and hitting a Boss Man Slam for a cover. Taker chokes his way out of the casket and wins a slugout, followed by a bad running DDT. Chokeslam and tombstone hit and we’re done.

Rating: D. This just didn’t work. At the end of the day, Heidenreich just didn’t work at all and he never came close to it. This was supposed to be a preview of Snitsky/Heidenreich vs. Kane/Taker at Mania, but thankfully they went with Kane in MITB and Taker vs. Orton in a great match, whereas Snitsky and Heidenreich didn’t even make it onto the show.

Heidenreich would drop down the card after this, but would still get a PPV match at No Way Out 2005.

Heidenreich vs. Booker T

No real backstory here other than Heidenreich needed a feud after Taker got done beating him up. This was made after Smackdown apparently when Booker thought Heidenreich was laughing at Booker after a loss. He reads a poem before the match which isn’t very good. It’s kind of hard to get into this as it’s about as thrown onto the card as you could want a match to be.

Basic match to start and Jon (not typing that whole name out every time) talks to himself and hits himself in the head. Pretty back and forth here as Booker hits him a good deal but can’t drop him. Jon wasn’t an invincible guy which more or less took away any fear he would instill in anyone else. Well that and when he raped Cole. Jon takes over and gets a key lock as this is rather uninteresting.

Booker makes a comeback but gets kicked in the face to stop that. And now back to the same hold as he had on before. Booker makes another comeback and hits a superkick to set up the Spinarooni. Jon is sent to the floor where he grabs a chair and blasts Booker in the throat with it for the DQ.

Rating: F+. It was too long, it wasn’t interesting, there was no story, the ending sucked and the wrestling was boring. Why in the world was this on a pay per view? Heidenreich was a pretty big misfire if there ever has been one as he never was interesting or a threat to anyone really. This was a great example of how worthless he was.

Let’s try to make this be a bit better. From Velocity on May 19, 2005.

Heidenreich vs. Mike Mondo

Heidenreich throws him around with ease as Josh Matthews complains about Heidenreich injuring him recently. Mondo’s forearms have no effect and he gets a huge shoulder breaker for his efforts. A dropkick doesn’t work on Heidenreich either and a gutbuster has Mike screaming. There’s a Boss Man Slam to complete the squash.

Heidenreich would turn face and somehow get a US Title shot at Judgment Day 2005.

US Title: Orlando Jordan vs. Heidenreich

Jordan got the US Title in JBL’s Cabinet from Cena and just kind of kept it. He was never anything special at all but he kept it for like 6 months. For those of you that haven’t seen Heidenreich, he’s uh…..different. And remember who he’s in there against when I say that. First up though, he needs to find a friend.

This was his thing at the time: he would pick a kid out of the audience to be his friend and would read them a poem. He chants WHERE’S MY FRIEND as he looks around for one. The girl is named Alex and she’s like 10. She can’t say the word Minneapolis. She’s REALLY excited about being sat in a chair and having a big tattooed man read her a poem. Chant and champ do not rhyme. This is one of those characters we would describe as out there.

Oh hey we have a match now. Cole talks about the Preakness winner being named Alex like the girl. That’s a very stupid man. Heidenreich beat Jordan on Smackdown to set this up. Belly to belly suplex gets two for Heidenreich. Out to the floor and they slug it out a bit. When Heidenreich hits him you can hear him say POW. I’m not sure if I should make fun of this or not. He might ask me to go get an espresso.

The fans chant Buckwheat Sucks which is rather appropriate for Jordan. You figure out what I mean by that. Heidenreich does his walk (don’t ask) and hammers away. Big boot gets two. Jordan gets a swinging neckbreaker for two as Alex is panicking. Jordan gets his WEAK DDT to end this abruptly.

Rating: D-. No idea why they thought Jordan should be champion but somehow he’s the best option here. Jordan was really bad at what he did and yet he kept winning for no apparent reason. Benoit beat him in like 30 seconds at Summerslam which was a breath of fresh air to everyone.

The title pushes would continue as Heidenreich was part of the New Legion of Doom and got a title shot at Great American Bash 2005.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MNM vs. Heidenreich/Animal

This is Heidenreich/Animal since Hawk died a few years ago. I think this is because of the LOD DVD. Despite MNM being an awesome tag team and the champions (and the predecessors to Miz/Morrison), what do you think is going to happen here? Heidenreich doesn’t have spikes because he’d have to earn them. They’re called Legion of Doom but they changed the music so I don’t consider them a team. Heidenreich runs off Mercury to start and then does the same to Morrison.

Animal throws him back in and Animal gets a big pop. A double suplex puts the champions down and man there’s a gut on him. This is a total squash so far. FINALLY the champions double team Heidenreich and take his knees out. Mercury works on the knee and the announcers try to compare Heidenreich, the guy that raped Cole remember, to Hawk. Morrison misses a cannonball down onto the knee so it’s back to Mercury. This is REALLY boring stuff. After he cleans house, a title shot to the head gets two. Snapshot is broken up and the Doomsday Device gives the not-LOD the titles.

Rating: D. There was zero reason to put this on PPV and it wasn’t a good match in the slightest. They were trying to go for the LOD formula of total domination, but the non-matching tights and the lack of anything resembling charisma (or talent) by Heidenreich kept that from working. Bad TV match and an awful PPV match. Somehow they would hold the titles for THREE MONTHS.

The team would feud with MNM, setting up this six person tag at No Mercy 2005.

MNM vs. Legion of Doom/Christy Hemme

This is Animal/Heidenreich which never worked at all. They’re the tag champions here. My goodness Christy was gorgeous. She took a Snapshot on Smackdown so she’s injured coming in. Animal has a taped up shoulder too. Heidenreich pulls Nitro in and the beating is on before he can even take the fur coat off. Heidenreich is all fired up and hits a three point clothesline for two. Off to the large gut with the Animal attached but Mercury gets in a kick to the shoulder to take over.

He keeps kicking at it and knocks Heidenreich to take draw him in. MNM hits the Snapshot on Animal very quickly but it only gets two because of the delay in getting to the cover. Mercury snaps the shoulder over the top rope to let Nitro get two. The double team continues and Animal is in trouble. Neckbreaker gets two. Mercury goes up but jumps into an almost powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Melina tags herself in. She dives onto Animal and gets caught. Off to Christy for a bad Hart Attack and then a HORRIBLE rana. As in the legs were around Melina’s arms. Doomsday Device ends Melina.

Rating: D-. Christy Hemme is a fine example of a girl that looks good in tight pants and a black bra. She’s incredibly attractive and sexy, but but she had no business being in a wrestling ring as a competitor. It didn’t work for her at all and she was only in the ring for about 45 seconds. Again though, she’s there for her looks and those work very well.

That would be about it for Heidenreich as they would lose the titles soon after and Heidenreich would be released at the end of the year. After bouncing around the indies for a bit, Heidenreich would pretty much vanish. Here’s one quick match from a show in the Netherlands on September 26, 2009.

Heidenreich vs. Fury

No idea who Fury is but he’s well built. They circle each other to start with Heidenreich yelling at the crowd a lot. Heidenreich offers a handshake and they shout at each other a bit. No contact two minutes in. Some hard forearms knock Heidenreich into the corner and even more forearms knock him to the floor. The ring mat is shiny.

Back in and Heidenreich hammers him down before pounding on Fury in the corner. Fury fights back and kicks Heidenreich in the back before putting on a chinlock. The fans start singing Heidenreich’s WWE song and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Fury hammers away, only to walk into a Boss Man Slam for the pin.

Rating: D-. Just get this over with already. It was five minutes of punching and forearms. Next.

One final one, from Hulk Hogan’s Australia tour in 2009.

Pimp Fatha vs. Heidenreich

Godfather does the usual intro and offers Heidenreich the women. He actually takes them up on it but a fight breaks out anyway and the match is on. Back inside and Heidenreich hammers away before getting yelled at as the referee. Godfather charges into an elbow in the corner and we hit a quick chinlock. Heidenreich tries an elbow after Godfather has already rolled away and a missed splash leads to what was supposed to be a rollup but was more like Heidenreich laying down so Godfather can grab the tights for the pin. Barely even a match but neither guy has wrestled on the big stage in years.

Godfather is the kind of guy that was far more entertaining than good. The pimp character could have opened house shows for YEARS and kept getting huge pops. No he wasn’t much to watch in the ring, but not everyone needs to be. I’ll give him this though: not many people could go to that many characters and have more than one be memorable. He was very charismatic and that’s more important than being good in the ring.

If there has ever been proff that Paul Heyman isn’t perfect…..well it’s ECW, but this is a good indicator as well. That’s almost everything I can find on Heidenreich, meaning these were his highlights. The guy had a good look but he just wasn’t very good in the ring and it really showed. To be fair though, when your first major feud is with Undertaker in a casket match, you’re kind of screwed coming out of the blocks.

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Smackdown
Date: July 11, 2014
Location: Canadian Tire Center, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The blue show is in Canada tonight as we’re getting closer to Battleground. The announced main event for tonight is Roman Reigns vs. Rusev which is going to be a war. It’s a war destined to end due to interference but it’s still going to be good while it lasts. Other than that there’s Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho which should be good stuff. Let’s get to it.

Opening video.

We look at Rollins and Cena from Monday in a long video package.

Here are Lana and Rusev to open things up. Lana rips on the leaders of America and Canada, saying they’re just like Roman Reigns: all style and no substance. Reigns cuts her off and stares down the evil foreigners. This is his ring and Rusev actually thinks he can crush Reigns. Reigns says try it and threatens to put his fist across Rusev’s face.

Lana says be careful what you wish for but Reigns wants a referee out here right now. The look on Rusev’s face is hilarious as he looks surprised with his mouth wide open. A referee comes out and is ready for the match but Lana says not on Reigns’ terms. Roman didn’t sound good on the mic here. He’s still finding his style.

JBL and Cole schill the Network.

AJ Lee vs. Cameron

Non-title and Paige vs. AJ for the belt is set for Battleground. The bell rings but Cameron wants to put on lip gloss. Cameron takes her down and tries to put makeup on AJ, which JBL thinks is a foreign object. A double chicken wing has AJ in trouble and Cameron shouts a lot. Back up and AJ sends her into the corner for a running clothesline followed by a shot to the face for two. Cameron tries to leave because AJ messed up her face, only to have Naomi run down and throw her back in. The Shining Wizard gets AJ the pin at 3:12.

Rating: D+. I get that Cameron is supposed to be annoying, but man alive I can’t stand watching her. She isn’t the kind of character where I want to see what’s coming to her. She’s the kind of character that makes me think of how much I can’t stand modern celebrity culture and makes me want to go read a good book.

Orton says Chris Jericho has won everything there is to won and that makes him a legend. That leaves Orton with one thing to do: introduce Jericho to the Legend Killer.

Fandango vs. Adam Rose

Layla comes out with Fandango but Summer Rae is one of the Rosebuds. Rose jumps over Fandango to start and gives him a little spank. Summer Rae and Layla go at it about thirty seconds into the match and Fandango gets nailed trying to break it up. Rose wins by countout at 1:02.

Rose hits the Party Foul on Fandango post match.

We look at Bray and Jericho’s discussion from Raw.

Jericho says his match with Bray has a chance to be a classic because they’re from opposite sides of the spectrum. Bray says save us Y2J but Wyatt is too far gone to save. Jericho is going to follow Wyatt’s advice and let actions do the talking tonight against Randy Orton. Maybe it’s time to crush the head of the serpent. As for Wyatt, Jericho is coming. He blows very gently in a nice touch.

Later tonight it’s Layla vs. Summer Rae with Fandango as guest referee in a Money in the Bank rematch.

Usos vs. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil

Non-title. Jimmy pounds on Titus to start but it’s quickly off to Slater who gets kicked in the face for two. Heath takes him down into a chinlock but gets caught in a bad looking Samoan drop for two more. Everything breaks down and Slater jumps into a superkick, setting up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 1:59. Nothing match but I like them throwing random low level guys together as jobbers. It’s better than having Ryback/Axel job here.

Post match the Usos say they love the rivalry with the Wyatts. Jey imitates a stereotypical commentator while Jimmy acts out a lot of the moves he describes. Odd but kind of entertaining actually.

Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton

Before the match Bray pops up on screen and sings his song before telling Chris to save himself. Cole actually gives us some backstory here, talking about Orton arrived in WWE in 2002 and called Jericho to pick him up at the airport because Jericho was the only person he knew in WWE. Now Orton only cares about himself and isn’t like his old self. Jericho quickly sends Randy to the apron and dropkicks him out to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Jericho hitting a running knee to the back for two as Cole brings up Orton punting Jericho out of WWE back in 2010. I’m digging this storytelling from Cole. Chris misses a charge and falls out to the floor where Orton sends him into the steps. It’s good for two back inside and the fans loudly chant for Y2J. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Orton slams Jericho’s head down onto the mat.

Back to the chinlock as the fans chant for the Canadian again. He fights up with a belly to back suplex and a dropkick but Orton kicks away from the Walls. A powerslam gets two for Orton but Jericho comes back with a running clothesline in the corner. Orton crotches him on the top, only to have Jericho come back with a top rope cross body for a close two.

The backbreaker puts Chris down again and Randy loads up the Elevated DDT but Jericho counters into the Walls. Orton makes the rope and now the Elevated DDT connects. Jericho blocks the RKO and hits the Lionsault but the Wyatts seem to be coming. The lights come up and they’re nowhere in sight, allowing to hit the RKO for the pin at 11:50 shown of 14:20.

Rating: B-. Solid match here as you would expect from two top level guys when they’re given the time. They didn’t go outside their comfort zone here but even the basics from these guys is still good stuff. Unlike Ambrose, Jericho losing isn’t going to affect his status due to how established he is. It’s why he’s been brought in and that’s the right idea.

Layla vs. Summer Rae

Fandango is refereeing again and gets kissed by both girls to start. The bell rings and Fandango stops both girls from charging at the other. Apparently he wants to dance but the girls aren’t impressed. Instead they both beat him up and knock him to the floor before dancing together as Fandango is stunned. This wasn’t a match.

More Network talk.

Goldust vs. Curtis Axel

Feeling out process to start with Goldust breathing at Curtis. Stardust gets on the barricade and seems to be conducting the crowd as Axel takes over on Goldust. A dropkick sends Goldust outside and Stardust is now laying on the announcers’ table. He puts on JBL’s hat as the match heads back inside where Goldust kicks Axel in the head. A powerslam gets two for Goldust and the Final Cut gets the pin at 2:28.

Ryback goes after Goldust but Stardust blows gold dust into his eyes and sends Ryback to the floor.

Bo Dallas vs. El Torito/Diego

Bo promises to be handi-capable against Diego and his Bo-vine friend. The big guys start but Diego stops him to shout OLE. Dallas hammers away in the corner but gets sent into the buckle, setting up the Bodog for the pin at 1:17.

Torito gets pulled into the ring post match but Bo helps him to his feet, only to give him a Bodog.

Rusev vs. Roman Reigns

They lock up to start until Rusev kicks at the legs to take over. Reigns cleans house with right hands and knocks Rusev to the floor as we take a break. Back with Rusev controlling with a nerve hold before he drops Reigns with a spinwheel kick. We hit the nerve hold again before Reigns’ comeback is squashed by a kick to the chest. The fans think Russia sucks and help Roman fight out of the third nerve hold. A running clothesline drops the Russian and a Samoan drop does it again. The apron kick has Lana freaking out and there’s the Superman Punch, drawing in Orton for the DQ at 6:55 shown of 9:25.

Rating: C. This was decent while it lasted but there was no way either guy was getting a clean win here. Also, a nine and a half minute match on Smackdown doens’t have nearly the same atmosphere that these two had in the battle royal. Build these two up a bit more and make it mean something and the match will be much better.

Rusev lays Roman out but Lana orders Rusev out of the ring instead of CRUSH. Orton heads inside and hits an RKO to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Reigns finally having to deal with some adversity is a nice thing to see, but the rest of the show wasn’t much. Orton vs. Jericho was good but doesn’t mean much, and the rest of the show was just there. Unfortunately Smackdown is slipping back into its old pattern of meaning nothing at all and that makes it hard to sit through.

Results
AJ Lee b. Cameron – Shining Wizard
Adam Rose b. Fandango via countout
Usos b. Heath Slater/Titus O’Neil – Superfly Splash to Slater
Randy Orton b. Chris Jericho – RKO
Goldust b. Curtis Axel – Final Cut
Bo Dallas b. Diego/El Torito – Bodog to Diego
Roman Reigns b. Rusev via DQ when Randy Orton interfered

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Raw on Monday was another show designed to build up to a pay per view that isn’t the most important in the world. However, for once WWE seems to actually be putting some effort into this one. Yeah it’s just in the hopes of driving up some more Network buys, but who am I to care about why I get a good show? Let’s get to it.

The opening segment saw Roman Reigns coming out to talk about how the Authority isn’t here tonight. This moved into a showdown with Kane, setting up a match for later in the night. Many agents were tossed aside during the melee which is always cool to see. The most interesting part though was Reigns stopping for the CENA SUCKS chant before saying that the chant is absolutely right when he’s in the building. Reigns is fitting into this role perfectly and it’s a good sign.

The Wyatts beat the Usos in another awesome match. There really isn’t much to say about this series other than the 2/3 falls match at Battleground should be just as good.

The announcers spent most of the show hyping up the free preview week of the WWE Network. Yeah I’ve been a subscriber since day one, but I have zero problem with this. The more people buy it, the longer it’s around and that’s a good thing.

Orton, Kane and Rollins all said they hate each other. There’s some very nice characterization going on here as the Authority is gone and their minions are all fighting with each other, but they act all nice when the bosses are around. Nice touch.

Alicia Fox beat up Nikki Bella in a non-match as per the Authority’s rules. Nothing much here, though Nikki’s surgery is probably the best investment she ever made.

Rusev crushed Rob Van Dam for his biggest win yet. I know I like Van Dam jobbing, but he needs a win or two so that beating him still means something.

Ambrose and Orton had a very good match where Orton won clean with the RKO. The more I think about this the less I like it. This is a match that shouldn’t have happened. You can’t job Orton as he goes into a title shot but you shouldn’t job Ambrose as he’s white hot right now. Ambrose looked like he was on equal footing with Randy, but he’s at the point now where he should be beating main eventers, not just hanging with them.

Cena and Reigns had a staredown in the back. You can feel the money when they finally have their match.

Alberto Del Rio beat Dolph Ziggler because Ziggler is a face in the WWE, meaning he can’t handle a man dancing fifteen feet away from him. I’m really sick of that ending.

Stardust and Goldust had another great out there promo with Goldust getting in the awesome line of “Where we’re going, we don’t need Rhodes.”

After a break, Layla hugged Fandango and said she couldn’t handle it if he still had feelings for Summer. He assured her he didn’t but then saw Summer (looking GORGEOUS) who gave him a look that said she knows he wants her. I never thought I’d say this, but being Fandango doesn’t sound half bad.

Jerry Lawler brought out Bret Hart for an appearance in Montreal. Bret seemed happy to be there and even got to punch out Damien Sandow. This was a special for the live fans and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Sheamus beat up Sandow in a short match.

Renee Young interviewed Batista, who read a fan letter from Johnny Russo who is worried about what would happen if Batista’s face got hurt. Funny stuff and Batista is feeling the character.

The listings for what’s on the free week of the Network makes me want to go buy it again.

Jericho beat Batista clean with a Codebreaker. Post match Bray Wyatt came out and taunted him, so Jericho told Bray to shut the heck up as is his custom. Jericho went after him but Bray just had the Family appear next to him. I read this somewhere else but Cena has been the only person to figure out how to fight Bray Wyatt: bring back up.

By the way, yes I know Miz allegedly did all those things, but it’s all a big jab at Batista because WWE is really petty and doesn’t get why Batista would leave WWE for three months to promote his major role in one of the biggest movie series of all time. You would think they would market the heck out of that but instead, let’s have Miz be a stand-in for Batista and mock him.

Paige continued her over the top praise of AJ as her slow burn heel turn continues. They beat the Funkadactyls and the losers argued after. I still have no idea why I’m supposed to be interested in Cameron.

Kofi Kingston beat Cesaro again as what should be a Superman push continues to go absolutely nowhere. Cesaro was so ready to turn face the night after Wrestlemania and now he’s jobbing to Kofi before probably winning the Intercontinental Title in a few weeks to put him right back where he was a year or two ago. WWE can be stupid like that. Big E. saved Kingston from a post match attack.

Rollins talked to Cena in a good promo where again, Cena made it seem like Rollins was his equal.

Bo Dallas beat El Torito because he’s awesome. I don’t know where they’re going with Bo but he’s won me over.

Orton and Kane broke up a decent Rollins vs. Cena match, which is what should have happened in Orton vs. Ambrose. Reigns and Ambrose came in for the save and Cena stared Reigns down to end the show.

This show was a good example of what I was hoping this series would be. I really liked the show as I watched it live but it doesn’t hold up all that well when I look over it again. It’s still a solid episode but down more in the B range than the A- I gave it in the first place. Good stuff though and Battleground actually looks awesome instead of being the worst show of the last year.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: July 10, 2014
Location: Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the last night in Bethlehem, meaning we’re heading for New York next week. Tonight Kurt Angle has scheduled a series of title matches with only the World Title not being on the line. However, there will be a twenty man battle royal with the winner getting a World Title shot at some point in the future. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about how so many titles are on the line this week. Most of them were last week as well but it’s nice to see matches that matter twice in a row.

Here’s Kurt Angle to declare this the Championship Showcase, meaning every match has championship ramifications. He runs down the card before asking Willow to come out here. Kurt says Jeff Hardy became Willow because of the dark place that Dixie Carter had put him in. Now it’s just Kurt Angle, and Kurt needs the most competitive wrestler in the world, and that’s Jeff Hardy. Kurt isn’t asking Willow to go away forever, but just for tonight.

Austin Aries says he’ll win the X-Division Title tonight.

Tag Team Titles: Wolves vs. Bram/Magnus

The Wolves are defending and it’s Davey vs. Magnus to get things going. A rolling enziguri puts Magnus down and the champions double team him in the corner. Bram comes in as well and gets kicked down just as quickly. It’s off to Bram legally but Davey rams him head first into Eddie ala the British Bulldogs. Magnus gets in a cheap shot from the apron to take over before getting Eddie off the apron so there’s no one for Davey to tag. The challengers take over and Magnus avoids a quick enziguri.

Another kick to the head connects and Bram can’t make a fast enough save. Edwards comes in with fast chops to cleans house before a top rope hurricanrana gets two on Bram. The Wolves sends the Brits to the floor for a double suicide dive. Back in and Davey misses the top rope double stomp but escapes a powerbomb into a backslide. The legal Eddie runs in and grabs Bram’s legs in a rollup for the pin at 7:17.

Rating: C. Nice match here but again, the Wolves need challengers to be built up to challenge them, not for them to beat week in and week out. They don’t need to prove how awesome they are and the division is already weak enough. It was entertaining stuff though and I’m fine with the Wolves like this. Just keep them away from fighting each other for awhile.

Bobby Roode is fired up.

Speaking of Roode, here he is in the arena. He talks about wanting something so much that you need it. For months, Dixie Carter made him sit at home and then MVP did the same. MVP sees him as a threat, but now this threat is in the middle of the ring. He wants to get his hands on MVP and doesn’t care about a doctor’s note. If MVP isn’t here by a count of ten, Roode is coming to the back and ripping MVP apart.

MVP’s music hits at about five and he comes out in a wheelchair and says Roode has made his knee injury even worse. It’s swollen so big that he can’t even get an MRI. He’s so upset that he won’t stand for this. Roode comes up the ramp anyway but has to dispatch Kenny King. MVP is sent down to the ring but King nails Roode with a chair. Eric Young comes out for the save but Lashley runs out to spear him down.

James Storm sits down with Sanada in the back and says Sanada will disgrace Japan and the Great Muta if he loses the title. Storm says Muta controls Sanada through the title, but Storm likes what he sees in Sanada. Interesting indeed.

We see the Angle and Willow segment again.

Angle says he thinks he got to Hardy, and that was his goal.

X-Divison Title: Sanada vs. Austin Aries

Sanada is defending and quickly spins out of a wristlock into a headlock on the mat but Aries pops right out of it. A dropkick nails Aries but he’s right on his feet again for a standoff. They head to the mat for the Last Chancery from Aries but Sanada is quickly in the ropes. Sanada puts on a rolling cradle for two and Aries is dizzy. A running clothesline puts him on the floor and but he slides in before Sanada can dive. Back in and Aries shoves him off the top to break up a springboard attempt, allowing him to hit a top rope ax handle to the floor.

Back in and Aries goes up, only to get dropkicked out of the air. Sanada sends him to the floor for a running dive off the apron but Aries counters the tiger suplex. The running dropkick in the corner sets up the brainbuster but Sanada flips out and gets the tiger suplex for two. The moonsault connects for two but an Aries avoids a second. The brainbuster gets two and the 450 gives Aries the pin at 8:26.

Rating: B. The match was awesome, but this basically makes Sanada’s entire reign totally pointless. It’s going to hurt the title even more when the belt is vacated and we have to have yet another tournament for the title and no big name enters it because there’s no reason to care about the X-Division Title until next July. Option C might be the worst thing ever for the division.

Ray doesn’t want to talk about Rhino and we go to a break very abruptly. We get the full version of the interview after we get back, with Ray shouting at the interviewer about how he’s going to talk to Rhino face to face.

Ethan Carter III says Rhino is going to reveal the real Bully.

Bully comes out to the ring and says when he was starting out, Bam Bam Bigelow gave him some advice: by the time he was established, he could count the number of true friends he had on one hand. That brings Ray to Rhino, who he wants out here right now, face to face. He gets Rhino but also gets Spud and Ethan Carter III. Bully demands answers from Rhino but Rhino says this is about the two of them. When Rhino was watching Team 3D being announced for the Hall of Fame, Rhino realized that Bully was a con man.

Ray has conned Paul Heyman and Dixie Carter. Bully says that’s a cop out and says Rhino has been brainwashed. This is just jealousy and Ray is in the Hall of Fame because the people say he should be. Rhino is responsible for his own career and is the only reason he got fired from WWE and TNA. He was hardcore at one point but now he’s just a coward. Ethan says he paid off Rhino because Rhino needs the money. Ray says he’s going to rip Carter apart but gets Gored. The beatdown ensues but Tommy Dreamer makes the save with a kendo stick. You know what the chant is.

The Beautiful People complain about how their flirting didn’t get them anywhere. Angelina says she’s going to win the title back tonight.

Knux says the Menagerie should win tonight because they’re tailor made for a battle royal.

Knockouts Title: Angelina Love vs. Gail Kim vs. Brittany vs. Madison Rayne

Gail is defending. Brittany jumps Madison on the way to the ring but Gail comes out for the save. Things settle down with Gail faceplanting Madison but Angelina pulls the champion out to the floor. Angelina and Brittany double team Madison with Love playing on Brittany’s inexperience to get a quick near fall. Madison hits a kind of suplex jawbreaker to put Brittany down but walks into the Botox Injection from Angelina. Eat Defeat to Love is enough to retain Gail’s title at 5:35.

Rating: D+. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen a match that was almost identical to this one between the Knockouts. They’ve been doing the exact same kind of multi girl matches for years now and, just like the people in them, they’re only slightly different than the last one. These get old and pretty easy to predict very fast.

Austin Aries says he always seems to have the X-Division Title around this time of the year. The title is the key for a title shot and everyone thinks he’s going to cash the title in for a title shot in New York City but he likes to mix things up. He says the division is important again.

Video on Destination X, three weeks from tonight.

Bobby Roode doesn’t care about MVP and the trio, but he’ll be back for them later.

MVP talks about how Lashley is a franchise player. We see Lashley working out wearing the title belt.

Battle Royal

Knux, Crazy Steve, The Freak, Bobby Roode, Eric Young, Ethan Carter III, Rockstar Spud, Manik, DJZ, Bram, Sanada, Magnus, Jesse Godderz, Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson, Kenny King, Gunner, James Storm, Tigre Uno

The winner gets a title shot next week. Roode is now in long tights. Hardy comes out as Jeff Hardy for the first time in a few months. I think I’ve got everyone in the match but it’s always hard to tell. Jesse quickly dropkicks Crazy Steve out for the first elimination but the Freak puts him out a few seconds later. DJZ goes after the two remaining members of the Menagerie and is quickly eliminated. Bram and Magnus put the Freak out and Knux misses a big boot, allowing them to dump him as well. Storm knocks Hardy to the apron and bites Hardy’s fingers but can’t get an elimination.

Bram forearms Tigre Uno out as the ring is clearing a bit. Sanada is tossed as well before Roode clotheslines Magnus to the floor. Storm does the same to Anderson and tosses Gunner as well. Hardy gets rid of Bram, bringing out Abyss to hammer Bram to the back. Kenny King misses a charge at Manik and is able to eliminate him from the apron. Roode and Storm have the required showdown as we go to a break.

Back with Roode dumping Storm, getting us down to a final group of Spud, Carter, Ray, Young, King, Hardy and Roode. Spud tries to chop Ray and gets grabbed low for his efforts.
Ray knocks out Spud and Ethan but eliminates himself in the process. Down to four now. Young is down in the corner as Roode spinebusts King, only to have MVP get in a cheap shot to Bobby with his crutch for an elimination.

Young dumps King and we’re down to Hardy vs. Eric. They shake hands and we’re ready to go. A quick belly to belly attempt sends Hardy to the apron but he comes back in with a jawbreaker. Young is sent over the corner for a Flair Flip so of course he struts along the apron. Hardy is nice enough to not nail him but a dropkick knocks Young out for the at 16:00.

Rating: C+. This was a decent enough battle royal as they kept things moving fast enough that it didn’t get boring. Hardy winning the title shot was pretty obvious the second his music hit but he’s one of the best choices. I have no idea where Samoa Joe was, but I’m assuming this is setting up Joe vs. Angle down the line.

Jeff says he won, bad hair and all. He’s the next World Champion and is doing it for the creatures. Lashley comes out and holds up the belt to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I actually liked tonight’s show for the most part, but the X-Division stuff gets on my nerves. It’s such a waste of potential for the division and comes off too much like Money in the Bank. Other than that though we had two good matches and a decent enough battle royal to set up a big main event next week. The show did its job and wasn’t terrible so it works well enough for me.

Results
Wolves b. Bram/Magnus – Rollup to Bram
Austin Aries b. Sanada – 450 Splash
Gail Kim b. Madison Rayne, Angelina Love and Brittany – Eat Defeat to Love
Jeff Hardy won a battle royal last eliminating Eric Young

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NXT
Date: July 10, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Renee Young, Jason Albert

This is another show that has been built up for a few weeks and there’s a good chance we get the payoff tonight. Coming off last week, we should be coming up on Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel. The match isn’t going to be a masterpiece or anything, but it’s going to be a well done match with a lot of high flying entertainment. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.
Bayley vs. Summer Rae

The winner gets a shot against Charlotte at some point in the future. Summer sends her into the corner to start but Bayley takes her down with a drop toehold and puts on an armbar. Bayley spins around on Summer’s back and Rae bails to the floor. Back in quickly and Summer nails a kick to Bayley’s ribs for one. Summer pulls on the arms with her feet on Bayley’s shoulders as Charlotte is watching from the back.

The referee breaks up a hair pull and Bayley flips Summer over, only to have her head rammed into the mat. Bayley comes back with a suplex, drawing a BAYLEY’S GONNA HUG YOU chant from the crowd. A spear and suplex get two on Rae but she kicks Bayley in the face for two of her own. Bayley comes back with a top rope elbow to the jaw but Summer counters the Belly to Bayley into the Summer Crush (standing legdrop) for the pin at 5:23.

Rating: C-. Nothing special here but Summer vs. Charlotte is going to be a solid match that belongs on a big stage. Summer isn’t great in the rings but she looks good and has the attitude that a Diva needs. Bayley needs to stay in NXT as long as she can so WWE can’t ruin her on the main roster.

Sami Zayn and Adrian Neville are banged up but they’re coming for Gabriel and Kidd.

Justin Gabriel is with Tyson Kidd and says he’s not going to be a loser anymore. He started in NXT and now somehow he’s back. There’s talent here, but it’s not on his level. Tyson was right and it took one more loss to prove him right. Sometimes in life, you have to break some rules.

Tyler Breeze has entered the building.

Sin Cara vs. Wesley Blake

Some quick rollups get two on Blake and a clothesline sends him to the floor, setting up a suicide dive. Back in and Blake takes him down by the arm for two before hooking an armbar. Cara comes up with a jawbreaker followed by a springboard headbutt. A springboard cross body gets two and a kick to the head sets up the Swanton Bomb for the pin at 3:32.

Rating: C-. Just a squash here but Sin Cara looked fine. He could use a few nice wins down in NXT, even though it isn’t going to mean much for him in WWE. The original Sin Cara’s run was just so bad that even the new performer can’t do much with the character anymore. Still though, not bad.

Tyson Kidd and Natalya get in an argument over his recent actions. He tells Natalya to not come to the ring with him tonight.

Summer thinks she and Sasha should stay friends but Banks doesn’t seem interested.

CJ Parker calls out Xavier Woods to talk about what happened last week. Parker apologizes but Woods doesn’t seem to accept. CJ offers peace before laying Woods out from behind.

The Vaudevillains talk about becoming the next Tag Team Champions and share an awesome laugh.

Video on the Ascension for the fans that are watching on the free preview.

Bull Dempsey vs. Angelo Dawkins

A quick armbar takes Dawkins down and he makes the mistake of trying a sunset flip. The much bigger Dempsey sits on his chest and hammers away with headbutts and elbow drops. Dempsey chokes a lot and shrugs off a quick comeback attempt, setting up the Bulldozer powerslam for the pin at 2:55.

Dempsey says he isn’t quitting until he’s NXT Champion.

Zayn and Neville are ready.

Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel

Natalya is here with Kidd despite the argument earlier. Kidd and Neville get things going as the announcers plug the Network. Off to Sami who cranks on the arm before it’s back to the champion for more of the same. Zayn drops to the mat and Neville gets on his back for a corkscrew splash. Albert: “Rich can I try that off your back?” Renee: “I’ll give you a dollar if you do!” Neville hits a middle rope cross body for two before it’s off to Zayn for some chops. Justin offers a distraction and Tyson sends Zayn to the floor as we take a break.

Back almost immediately with Gabriel putting on a double chicken wing. That goes nowhere so Sami gets tied in the Tree of Woe, only to have Justin nail him from the apron. A double kick to the head gets two on Zayn and Tyson puts on a front facelock. Sami is in trouble but finally throws Kidd off and dives over for the hot tag. A standing moonsault gets two on Gabriel and a sitout powerbomb gets the same.

Adrian levels Kidd for two and the fans want Nattie. Justin’s distraction prevents the Red Arrow and Kidd knocks Adrian off the ropes for the springboard elbow and two. Sami sends Justin outside but makes a blind tag, setting up a big high cross body for two as Adrian dives onto Gabriel. I thought that was it. Tyson grabs Sami’s face but gets backdropped to the floor. Sami is left alone for the BIG flip dive to take out all three other guys. Kidd claims a knee injury but it’s a fake. Sami punches him in the jaw but it knocks Natalya to the floor as well. Tyson fakes going to check on her and grabs a quick rollup for the pin at 10:35.

Rating: B. Take four guys and let them fly around the ring for eleven minutes and freak the crowd out. It’s an idea that has worked since professional wrestling began and it’s always going to work. The match was the usual solid stuff and Kidd looks like the most evil guy in all of NXT. Well done.

Kidd leaves with Gabriel.

Overall Rating: B. If the idea tonight was to get people to want to buy the Network to see NXT, they did a great job. You got some WWE names, some good matches, angle advancement, and a sense of “why am I not watching this?”. That’s the point of a show like this and it worked like a charm. Good stuff and a good regular episode too.

Results
Charlotte b. Bayley – Summer Crush
Sin Cara b. Wesley Blake – Swanton Bomb
Bull Dempsey b. Angelo Dawkins – Bulldozer
Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel b. Sami Zayn/Adrian Neville – Rollup to Zayn

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Including updated Network subscribers.  This should be very interesting.

We’re going to do things a bit differently this time with a character instead of wrestlers. Today is Doink the Clown, but I’ll be doing anyone who has ever played the character. The main wrestlers are Matt Osborne (original Doink, also known as Big Josh in WCW), Steve Lombardi (Brooklyn Brawler) and Ray Apollo (never did much else).

This is the character’s debut from some point in early 1993 on Wrestling Challenge, though he’s made appearances in the aisle and crowd for months before.

Doink the Clown vs. Bob East

Doink takes East down very quickly and nails an enziguri. We hit an armbar on East followed by a nice dropkick. Doink puts on the Stump Puller (East is sitting down and Doink sits on his neck before pulling up on his leg) and drops back into a cradle for the pin.

Doink’s first major feud was with Crush, who he fought at Wrestlemania IX.

Crush vs. Doink the Clown

This is during Crush-A-Mania when he was on the verge of getting the mega push to the stars which would never happen. Crush chases him around the ring to start and slams Doink on the floor before pounding Doink in the face a bit. Doink tries to punch back but Crush no sells everything. Back inside and Crush hits a neckbreaker for no cover. A neck snap over the top keeps Doink down as does a backbreaker. We’re three minutes in and it’s all Crush so far.

As Crush is hitting some Sheamus forearms on the apron, Doink hits a kind of Stunner on the top rope to take over. A few top rope forearms to the back of Crush’s head keeps us in clown control and a lame piledriver gets no cover. Doink actually slams him but goes up top and jumps into a boot to the jaw. A cross body attempt by the Clown doesn’t work as Crush hits a powerslam before clotheslining Doink to the floor.

Doink tries to crawl under the ring but gets hit with a gorilla press back in the ring. Crush puts on the head vice (finisher) but as Doink gets to the ropes, the referee is bumped. The vice goes on again but another Doink comes out from under the ring with the cast. He blasts Crush in the head with it and the original Doink gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was basically a squash until Doink got in some not terrible offense. Again though, this was when Crush was about to get pushed to the moon, so he loses to Doink? The Clown character had a ton of potential, but instead of going with something interesting like the Joker, we got FUN Doink soon after this, because that’s interesting stuff right?

Doink would then be brought in as part of the Bret Hart vs. Jerry Lawler feud, with Lawler having Doink face Bret as a replacement at Summerslam 1993.

Bret Hart vs. Doink the Clown

This is evil Doink, meaning he’s AWESOME. Doink comes out carrying two buckets, one of which contains confetti to throw at the fans. The other is full of water which is thrown on Bruce Hart in the old Harlem Globetrotters trick. Bret jumps Doink on the floor and we get things going inside. Doink is punched back to the floor before he can even get his jacket off before Hart sends him into the post. Heenan talks about how Lawler was in an 18 car pileup, crawled out of the car and into a school bus, saved 40 kids from the bus and bought them all hamburgers before coming to the arena tonight. Vince’s stunned reaction is great.

Doink gets in a shot and goes up, only to be crotched on the buckle. Heenan: “He’s been de-Doinked!” Bret offers Lawler a chance to come in before dropping Doink with an atomic drop. Another Lawler distraction lets Doink hit a knee to the back before sending Bret into the steps. Doink starts working on the leg and wraps it around the post with Lawler cheering him on.

The Clown puts on an STF and Heenan swears Bret gave up. Doink transitions into a lame chinlock before putting on a stump puller (you sit the other guy down and push his head down while pulling up on a leg) to stay on the leg and neck. Bret comes back with a right and the Five Moves of Doom. He hooks the Sharpshooter but Lawler runs into the ring and breaks the crutch over Bret’s back for the DQ.

Rating: C+. The match was your usual good Bret match when he had a good opponent to work against. Lawler pretending to be injured is the perfect action for him as he’s such a slimy coward most of the time. The Bret vs. Lawler feud had incredible heat to it as the fans wanted to see Lawler get beaten up…….and then there’s this.

In 1994, Ray Apollo would take over the character and turn him face. His major feud was against Bam Bam Bigelow, though they only had one singles match from some point in February 1994. Doink also now has a mini clown named Dink.

Doink the Clown vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow and Doink get in a tug of war over Dink until Doink grabs a quick belly to belly to send Bigelow out to the floor. Dink steps on Luna Vachon’s hand to draw some screams before Doink takes Bigelow down by the leg. The referee is with Dink for some reason, allowing Luna to rake the big clown’s eyes for the save. A hard elbow to the jaw drops Doink again but he comes back with a running knee lift as we take a break.

Back with Luna chasing Dink with both villains missing the little guy. Doink is finally getting up off the floor but can’t slam Bigelow, giving the big man a two count. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Doink fights up and grabs a belly to back suplex. Some clotheslines have Bigelow rocked but Luna trips Doink up. Bigelow hits the top rope headbutt, only to have Dink break up the pin. Luna grabs Dink but the little clown steps on Luna’s foot and headbutts Bigelow low, knocking him to the floor for a countout.

Rating: D. This was a comedy match minus the comedy that most people over about six years old would laugh at. Apollo sucked the life out of the character as the face turn took away all of the psychological dimensions to Doink and turned him into a guy who did a lot of goofy pranks.

Here’s the required tag match from Wrestlemania X.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Bigelow runs over Doink to start with a clothesline and a dropkick to silence the crowd. A headbutt misses though and the Clown pounds away a bit. Bigelow misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in as well. This is your usual “comedy” but Luna does hit a running hip attack in 619 position but Dink starts running around in circles. The small clown goes up top but misses a dive.

Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.

Rating: D. This was bad but not completely terrible. Doink wasn’t doing his stupid comedy and thankfully Bigelow didn’t have to look all that stupid, which is the worst thing they could have done. The match wasn’t much but to be fair they needed something to give the crowd a breather after the awesome opener. This wasn’t horrible.

What’s better than one small clown? THREE OF THEM! Against THREE MINI LAWLERS! From Survivor Series 1994.

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Jerry Lawler, Queasy, Sleazy, Cheesy
Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

We’ve got midgets. Great. In case you can’t tell, they’re three small Lawlers and three small clowns. Lawler tells the fans to NOT chant Burger King at him, because he’s a master at baiting a crowd you know. The big guys start and guess what the fans are chanting. Here’s the first ten minutes of the match: Lawler and Doink do something, Jerry takes over, the small clowns interfere and Lawler gets mad and loses the advantage.

Lawler tries an enziguri but Doink ducks to send Jerry hiding in his corner. Jerry yells at his partners and the Clowns are all laying on the ropes. Jerry gets Doink down and has the small Lawlers run over him. They make faces at the clowns then run back over Doink and crash in a pile. Keep I mind that these other kings have facial and chest hair. Jerry yells at them again and it’s back to the big guys fighting some more.

The small clowns all come in and cover Jerry with Doink counting. Lawler is all ticked off so they do the EXACT SAME SEQUENCE with Jerry counting Doink’s shoulders. Jerry can’t catch Cheesy when Doink kicks him off so Cheesy gets a two count on Lawler with Dink counting. Doink puts a Burger King crown on Lawler to make him even madder. Dink gets on Doink’s shoulders and (this isn’t a typo) Jerry gets on Sleazy’s shoulders which goes as well as you would expect it to.

The big guys have a test of strength and it turns into a big crisscross between the little guys. Lawler gets a non-existent foreign object to take over but it’s time for a chase scene! Jerry reverses a cross body and rolls up Doink with a handful of tights to eliminate the big guy. Lawler isn’t allowed to be in the ring with one of the smaller guys so the match is in essence over already.

It’s Queasy vs. Dink to start the second half of the match and Dink gets his arm bitten. Queasy gets his tights bitten as does Lawler. Now it’s Cheesy vs. Wink with Wink pulling on the beard. Lawler blocks a monkey flip and Cheesy pins Wink off a rollup. A minute later, Lawler drops Cheesy on Pink from six feet in the air for the pin and it’s Dink vs. all four of them. Pink hides under the ring instead of leaving as Dink beats up all three little guys. A top rope cross body looks to pin Cheesy but Lawler makes the save. Sleazy gets the easy pin to win it.

Rating: S. As in stupider, which I now am having watched this. Last year’s show at least had full sized people in there having these matches and it only ran ten minutes. This ran SIXTEEN MINUTES and wasted Jerry freaking Lawler on it. I’ll take ANYTHING after this and like it more than this.

We’ll get away from this stuff and go to Superstars, January 28, 1995.

Doink the Clown vs. Kwang

Kwang is a masked martial artist more commonly known as Savio Vega. Dink offers an early distraction, allowing Doink to get in some kicks to take over. Back up and Kwang nails a clothesline followed by a hook kick to the face. More boots set up a sunset flip from Doink followed by a dropkick for two. Kwang jumps into a powerslam for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Good night there were a lot of kicks in this thing. Kwang was a decent idea for a lower level card guy but the name pretty much killed him. Doink didn’t have much in the ring at this point but the powerslam wasn’t bad. At least the character doesn’t have that much longer to go.

Next up is a Raw from August 14, 1995 against a man that is described as the original Bray Wyatt.

Waylon Mercy vs. Doink the Clown

Mercy is a southerner who was the nicest guy in the world before the bell but he went nuts when the bell rang. Some armdrags send Mercy to the floor and a shoulder to the ribs knocks him off the apron. Doink gets catapulted out to the floor but comes back with some right hands. Mercy drops him with a single left hand and puts on the maniacal sleeper for the win. The fans chanting KILL THE CLOWN tells you everything you need to know about Doink at the moment.

Rating: D+. It’s a shame that Dan Spivey was in such bad shape as this character could have been a huge deal. The look was great and the promos were awesome but Spivey was just too old and banged up. Still though, it was cool to think about what it could have become. The fans just hated Doink by this point.

One more match from this era, on Raw in September 1995.

Doink the Clown vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

HHH gets annoyed at having Doink’s makeup rub off on his chest so Doink slams him down. A running clothesline drops Doink and Helmsley stomps away, only to run into a boot in the corner. Doink plants him with a side slam but misses an elbow. We hit a reverse chinlock on the clown before a Pedigree gets the pin.

Rating: D. Another boring match from Doink as he was nothing but a jobber to the stars at this point. Helmsley was brand new at this point too so seeing him get wins like this was exactly what you would expect to see happening. The fans didn’t care about the clown by this point either.

That would be about it for Doink as a full time wrestler but he would make some sporadic appearances later on, usually played by Steve Lombardi. Here’s an example from Smackdown on July 31, 2003.

Chris Benoit vs. Doink the Clown

Rhyno has sent Doink to annoy Benoit. Doink takes his time throwing stuff to the crowd so Benoit takes him down on the floor. The hard clothesline drops him to the mat and there’s the wicked German suplex. Doink gets crotched on the top rope, setting up a belly to back superplex, the Swan Dive and the Crossface for the submission.

Another one, from Raw on October 10, 2005.

Rob Conway vs. Doink the Clown

Conway wrestles in sunglasses and is a low level legend killer at this point. Doink gets two off a sunset flip and starts a BOO/YAY chant by pointing at Conway and then himself. Conway finally clotheslines him down and hooks a neckbreaker for no cover. A suplex neckbreaker is good for the pin on Doink.

Doink would be on Saturday Night’s Main Event XXXIV.

Kane/Doink/Eugene vs. Viscera/Kevin Thorn/Umaga

They deserve the ratings they get for this nonsense. The clown and the vampire start us off. Please just make this quick, that’s all I ask. They actually gave this 11 minutes. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? Eugene gets the tar beaten out of him until Kane gets the big tag. Umaga destroys him and then Kane destroys the very fat man for the win. Somehow that was 11 minutes that I’ll never get back. Just get us out of here please.

Rating: F-. This was on in 2007. Let that sink in for a minute.

And another from Raw on July 10, 2010, a show I attended live.

Santino Bunch vs. Regal Bunch

Her video is literally nothing but clips from the Brady Bunch. No one under the age of 15 gets this at all as she’s just some old woman. It’s weird seeing a Boyle County (big old corn fed Kentucky high school football team) shirt on WWE TV. Florence is the announcer here and says she’s feeling groovy. It’s Regal, Ryder (with regular tights now), Primo and Doink (I’d bet on Nick Dinsmore, aka Eugene) vs. Santino, Khali, Kozlov and Goldust. That’s actually a fairly accomplished face team.

Henderson gets a MUCH better reaction here than she did in the video earlier. Wow apparently it was Steve Lombardi as Doink, more commonly known as the Brooklyn Brawler. The captains start us off as Santino has been less annoying lately. Florence puts on Regal’s robe and Santino goes Cobra on us. I wonder if he’s Cobra Commander.

It’s a big mess already and here’s Doink. The crowd only cared about him for the sake of comedy. Khali comes in and falls victim to a squirt gun. A big chop ends this in like a minute. Khali’s music really is good. Henderson is a sport here and at least seems like she wants to be there which is a very good thing if nothing else. She kisses Khali afterwards which is disturbing.

Rating: N/A. Although anything with these 8 guys can’t be incredibly good. Thankfully it seems that the guest host concept is ending. Shame it’s only 7 months too late but whatever.

And finally, from Raw on July 2, 2012 as part of Heath Slater hates legends.

Heath Slater vs. Doink The Clown

This is basically a squash with Slater hitting his spinning sleeper mat slam (didn’t that have a name?) for the pin at 1:20.

As you can see pretty clearly, Doink was little more than a joke for most of his career. However, those early days when he was sinister and evil and basically the Joker were some very entertaining performances and showed how much potential the character had. Then he became a joke and everyone hated him but that’s life in wrestling for you.

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http://www.wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-helping-roman-reign/25237/

Time for some history!

Monday Nitro #176
Date: February 15, 1999
Location: Entertainment Hall, Tampa, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

It’s the last Nitro before SuperBrawl and things are starting to get a bit more insane. The main stories coming out of last week are Roddy Piper winning the US Title and Hollywood Hogan being especially evil. Also of note is the Tag Team Title tournament, which has a lot of teams left and only two shows to go before the finals on Sunday. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Scott Steiner vs. Diamond Dallas Page with Steiner going after Kimberly and throwing her out of a running car last week.

The announcers tell us that Kimberly is recovering at an undisclosed location.

Nitro Girls.

Tony updates us on the tag team tournament. For Benoit and Malenko to win, they’ll have to win five times in a row this week. Hennig and Windham are already in the finals on Sunday.

Arn Anderson destroys Disco Inferno in the back but security takes him out in handcuffs.

Eric Bischoff is a chauffeur this week. Flair and some businessmen like his little hat. Bischoff has to open the door for them.

Opening video.

We look at Piper winning the US Title last week.

Jerry Flynn vs. Saturn

Saturn is still in the dress. Tony keeps talking about the tournament. Benoit and Malenko will face Dave Taylor/Fit Finlay with the winners facing Mike Enos/Bobby Duncum Jr. later tonight. They trade hammerlocks to start until Flynn fires off some kicks to take over. Saturn comes back with a modified ax kick for two before putting on a leg lock, sending Jerry running into the ropes. Off to a modified ankle lock but Jerry makes it to the ropes again. Saturn doesn’t let go so Jerry crawls up the ropes and kicks Saturn in the head to escape.

They slug it out until Saturn kicks him down again but can’t follow up. A legsweep puts Saturn down again and Jerry puts on a cross armbreaker. Saturn stands up to break it and the fans still aren’t all that interested. A springboard cross body gets two for Saturn but he gets caught by a spinwheel kick in the corner. Saturn hammers away in the corner but Scott Dickinson gets on the apron for a distraction. Jericho comes in with a kendo stick, only to walk into a suplex. Flynn spin kicks Saturn down for the upset pin.

Rating: D. Why is this feud still going and why in the world am I supposed to care about Scott Dickinson? The match was more of Flynn using all of his kicks and not being interesting and then it’s about a crooked and suspended referee. Why is that supposed to be interesting? I’d love an answer to that question. WWF is coming off Rock vs. Mankind in a last man standing match and Big Show debuting to break up Austin vs. Vince the previous night, and WCW stars with a freaking referee story while having Saturn wear a dress and fight Jerry Flynn. This company makes my head hurt.

Speaking of stories that haven’t died for some reason, Bischoff is still being tortured by bad acting from the “businessmen”. This is used as a tie-in to Will Sasso from MadTV wrestling Bret Hart tonight. Flair gets a call about Arn getting arrested. With the privacy screen up, Bischoff calls his “guys”, saying he’ll be there soon.

Clip of Mongo getting blinded last week.

Clip from MadTV, which we saw last week.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis/Blitzkreig vs. Super Calo/El Dandy/Hector Garza

Lucha rules, meaning rolling to the floor counts as a tag. Larry doesn’t like the rules changing but Tony says rules don’t matter anyway. Blitzkreig works on Calo’s arm to start but Calo sidesteps a moonsault and elbows him in the face. Tony tells us about Rey Mysterio getting beaten up by Lex Luger before the show came on the air as the fans chant for Goldberg.

A double tag brings in Garza to face Psychosis with Hector nailing a nice superkick. Garza misses a top rope cross body but reaches out and grabs Psychosis for an armdrag. It might have been an armdrag all along but it looked awesome. Juvy and Dandy come in to trade slaps before Dandy takes over with a hard right hand. Juvy comes right back by rolling up Dandy’s body into a faceplant as everything breaks down for a few seconds. In the melee, Calo gets in a cheap shot to Guerrera, allowing Dandy to hook a chinlock.

Garza goes to the corner but gets slammed down, triggering another triple teaming to the fans’ delight. Blitzkreig comes in and avoids a splash in the corner as we take a break. Back with Psychosis holding Calo in a leg scissors on the mat. Juvy comes back in with some dropkicks but he knocks Calo into his corner for a tag to El Dandy. The jam-up guy goes after the leg before it’s off to Garza for more of the same.

Hector misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Blitzkreig who stomps Garza into the corner for a tag to Calo. Psychosis comes in as well and takes Calo down, setting up a powerbomb with Juvy adding a simultaneous guillotine legdrop for two. Calo rolls to the floor so it’s back to Garza who ges Stunned across the top rope, followed by a springboard missile dropkick for two. Dandy is knocked to the floor but Guerrera botches Air Juvy.

Garza dives onto Dandy for no apparent reason before Psychosis dives onto Garza and Guerrera, allowing Blitzkrieg to hit a springboard spinwheel kick for two on Calo. Bliztkrieg is sat on the top rope but Calo falls off the corner. Back in and Calo hurricanranas Blitzkreig out of the corner but Blitzkrieg doesn’t flip and just jumps down to the mat while Calo goes flying. A Phoenix Splash from Blitzkrieg is enough to pin Calo.

Rating: D. What the heck was THAT? This match ran nearly twenty minutes and might as well have been a 1970s six man tag for the first fifteen or so minutes. The ending started to pick up a bit when they weren’t hitting their own partners or botching spots. Why in the world would you have luchadors do a bunch of mat wrestling? It’s like hiring LeBron James to paint your house. You’re wasting the talent. Also the lucha rules were used like twice. This was a mess and more confusing than anything else.

We’re in the hotel where the Blonde is in a towel and asks the cameraman to get her fresh towels and lunch. She’s much less sweet here.

A helicopter spotlight is on a limo, presumably carrying Flair, the businessmen and Bischoff. Some Hummers are following the limo but Flair tells the businessmen that it’s fine. The limo pulls over and two men in black clothes and ski masks (one is tall with long perfect hair sticking out of the back, meaning it’s probably Nash) carrying a pipe come up to the door. Another guy, clearly Hogan, tells the businessmen to get out. Flair hits Hogan but backs off from Nash with the pipe.

The spotlight is on them as the Hummers circle around them. Hogan gets back up and nails Flair as five other guys all in black get out and beat up Flair. Hogan whips Flair with the NWO weightlifting belt as some of the other guys hold him. They all put their fists together and Hogan says Flair isn’t making it to SuperBrawl.

One of the guys takes off his mask to reveal Buff Bagwell. Nash holds Flair so Hogan can hammer away as Stevie Ray and Vincent have taken off their masks too. The beating just keeps going and Hogan has hurt his hand. Everyone gets in a shot and Nash puts on Flair’s tie. More whipping ensues and Hogan again says Flair isn’t making it to SuperBrawl. Flair is left laying after this went on for over ten minutes.

Nitro Girls. The announcers make no mention of what we just saw, which is the rule of thumb anymore with these segments.

Same video on the tag team tournament. This includes talking about teams that have already been eliminated. The SuperBrawl graphic at the end also says that the show is “tomorrow, February 21.”

Tag Team Title Tournament: Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko vs. Fit Finlay/Dave Taylor

The winners face Mike Enos and Scotty Riggs tonight and the losers are eliminated. Yes Scotty Riggs, as the tournament has been changed again. Assuming the winners of that face Adams and Horace on Thunder, Van Hammer and Kaz Hayashi have been eliminated with just one loss. Finlay drives a shoulder to Benoit’s ribs in the corner to start before cranking on somehting like a Crossface.

Benoit fights back with a headlock before hiptossing the Irishman down. A double tag brings in Malenko vs. Taylor with absolutely nothing happening before it’s back to Benoit who gets his arm worked on even more by Dave. Back to Finlay who drops Benoit throat first across the top rope and out to the floor where Taylor gets in some shots of his own. Malenko comes back in and suplexes Finlay down. It’s strange to have the commentators not mentioning what happened before the match started.

We take a break and come back with Taylor suplexing Dean for two. Taylor rips at his face a bit before Finlay slams Dean face first onto the apron. He drops Dean throat first across the barricade like he did to Benoit with the ropes earlier. Benoit tries to come in, allowing Finlay to get in some shots of his own. Finlay misses a charge into the post and the hot tag brings in Benoit. Chris cleans house with the running clothesline and snap suplex for two. Finlay picks him up for a tombstone but Dean breaks it up with a dropkick. Malenko comes back in sans tag and avoids a Taylor charge in the corner, setting up the Cloverleaf for the submission.

Rating: C-. This felt a step off the whole way through. It didn’t help that the winners were pretty obvious given that Windham/Hennig are waiting in the finals already. The match was long again but these guys are more capable of filling in a match that long. Still not great but this show has been off all night.

Goldberg video.

We see Kimberly being thrown out of the car again last week.

Back from a break with the Nitro Girls standing at the announcers’ desk to talk all serious about what happened to Kimberly. Heenan: “Are they going to dance?”

We recap Bret losing the US Title last week thanks to Will Sasso. This sets up the following.

Bret Hart vs. Will Sasso

This is also due to Hart “breaking character” when filming MadTV and attacking Sasso. I’ve seen the clip a few times and I thought that was the joke. Thankfully Tony told me what the real idea was supposed to be because it was really badly explained. Sasso, from MadTV mind you, is overweight and comes out with another cast member named Debra Wilson. Bret destroys Sasso to start and gets a chair to sit down in the middle of the ring. Sasso gets beaten up on the floor but Wilson takes the chair from Hart…..and turns on Sasso by hitting him with the chair. Back in and the Sharpshooter ends this.

Rating: F. What the heck am I even watching anymore? What purpose did this serve? Better question: how does this make me want to buy SuperBrawl? This was Bret Hart beating up a fat guy with help from an actress I’ve never heard of. I don’t remember MadTV being a big deal at this point, but did it ever warrant this kind of time on a wrestling show?

No one comes out to save Sasso or confront Hart, making this even more meaningless. Unless I missed it on an earlier show, the time and date of Bret’s appearnace on MadTV was NEVER mentioned.

The NWO arrives with Hogan still wearing the ski mask. They come in through the crowd and over the barricade so Hogan can talk about being from Hollyhood. He sends the rest of the team to the back to have a party and finally lifts the mask. Hogan is willing to give Flair his title shot tonight because Flair is in the back covering up the gray in his hair. He counts to ten and of course Flair doesn’t make it out.

At eight though, Roddy Piper answers the count and says he’s Hogan’s reality check. Hogan is fighting him instead and the match is on right now with the World Title on the line.

WCW World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper

One might suggest that this is a match that should be announced more than five seconds in advance. Then again one might suggest that this show has been a huge mess but that’s a much bigger problem to solve. It’s a brawl to start with Piper very slowly driving down to the mat. As in I thought something was wrong with the video. Hogan is knocked to the floor and Piper follows him out with right hands before sending him into the post.

Back in and an atomic drop has Hogan in even more trouble before a right hands gets two for Piper. Hogan goes for the leg to take Piper to the floor for some choking. A hard chair shot to the back has Piper in even more trouble and Hogan whips him over the back with the weightlifting belt. Even more choking ensues but Piper comes back with belt shots to take over. Roddy puts on a sleeper but Hall comes in with the tazer for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was exactly what you would expect from Hollywood Hogan vs. Roddy Piper in 1999. It lasted less than five minutes and was a bunch of non-wrestling before the NWO came in for a disqualification. That’s a great way to treat your US Champion a week after he won the title, because Scott Hall of all people needs the title match coming up right?

Piper gets beaten up and Hall puts on the kilt for a little dance.

Over an hour later, someone in a cowboy hat finds Flair in the field and carries him to his jeep. The guy doesn’t look like anyone in WCW so I guess we’re supposed to believe he’s just a random guy.

Scott Steiner is suing Diamond Dallas Page for $1 million.

Luger and Liz talk about Konnan and say nothing of note.

Video on Piper vs. Hall.

Tag Team Title Tournament: Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko vs. Mike Enos/Scotty Riggs

Losers are eliminated. Riggs stomps on Malenko in the corner to start but Dean stomps away back in the other corner. Scotty comes back with his dropkick and a running corner splash. Off to Enos vs. Benoit with Chris easily taking him down with a drop toehold. The Horsemen take their turns on Mike until he drives Dean into the corner to take over. Riggs puts on a chinlock followed by a knee to the ribs. Enos comes back in for his own chinlock before Riggs changes without a tag and puts on the third chinlock in about ninety seconds.

We take a break and come back with the guy that saved Flair working on his engine. Flair tries to get out of the truck but the driver puts him back in.

Back with Benoit stomping away on Riggs’ leg before it’s off to Malenko for more of the same. Enos gets in a cheap shot to take over as this boring match continues. Malenko goes up top but dives into a powerslam for no cover. Instead it’s back to Riggs for the two count and everything breaks down. Riggs gets another near fall off a forearm to the back of Dean’s head followed by a belly to back suplex for the same. The fans seem really bored by this. Riggs misses a dropkick and the hot tag brings in Benoit. The Horsemen whip them together and Benoit counters a suplex into the Crossface to advance.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but it was incredibly boring. At the end of the day, I need someone better than Riggs and Enos to make me interested in a match, especially when it’s obvious that the Horsemen are going to win. Benoit and Malenko work well together, but I really wish we could just have a regular tournament so they don’t have to waste so much time getting through these horrible opponents.

The truck keeps going. The announcers haven’t mentioned any of these videos all night.

A much more cheerful Blonde is in a short robe on a bed and says next time will be better than this one.

Buffer comes out to announce the main event, even though there are no matches left scheduled. The NWO comes out in street clothes and Hogan tells Buffer to get out. He says Flair is hiding in his dressing room, but he’ll give Flair a twenty count to get out here. The referee counts and Tony sees the truck pulling up and Flair falling out of the door.

Ric pulls an axe handle off the back of the truck and staggers into the arena as Tony is completely lost. Heenan thinks Flair is drunk. Tony actually uses his brains and sees the bruises, saying Flair looks like he’s taken a horrible beating. Flair gets in the ring and swings the handle until Benoit and Malenko come in and try to help. Hogan and Bagwell beat Flair down on the floor as the rest of the NWO subdues the Horsemen.

Hall goes through the curtain and says “now you see how it’s done. Don’t mess it up” before firing up the tazer to end the show.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. This show was such a mess that I have no idea how to rate it. How could ANYONE have looked at this show and said it was a good idea? I knew things were going to get bad but this show sent the company flying off a cliff, bounced as it hit the ground and lit on fire, setting of an explosion to send its crispy remains into orbit where aliens blasted them into the sun. I don’t even know where to start with the problems this show had.

For one thing, WHY DIDN’T THE ANNOUNCERS SEE WHAT HAPPENED? How does that make things more entertaining or interesting? We saw the whole thing and know what happened (which I’ll get to later), but the announcers have no idea? They don’t see the Blonde in the hotel either, but at least that (presumably) isn’t stuff that’s happening live. It doesn’t add anything because the fans live are just as confused as they are (assuming the videos aren’t shown in the arena, though that would add even more insanity to this) and the TV audience knows what’s going on.

The lack of wrestling was a major problem tonight too. There were six matches on the entire show. Two of them were glorified extended squashes with Benoit/Malenko having to go through two teams that had no chance. Another match saw Hogan vs. Piper and set wrestling back ten years. Bret Hart beat up an actor which led nowhere, Jerry Flynn won a match and the luchadors wrestled a technical, mat based match until the last three minutes. This is also ignoring all the time being wasted, including a ten minute beatdown which could have been covered in about two minutes.

How in the world WCW thought this was a good idea or would make people want to buy Sunday’s show is beyond me. Over on Raw, the Rock and Mankind were having a good ladder match for the WWF Title. In case you’re wondering, Raw beat Nitro by two full points in the ratings for the worst drubbing Nitro had ever received when it was three hours compared to Raw’s two. If this isn’t the worst Nitro to date, I can’t remember the one that tops it. Absolutely horrible show that felt nothing like how the show is normally presented and that’s not a good thing.

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Regarding Brock Lesnar.So I’m watching Countdown (really fun way to kill an hour and a Tuesday tradition for me) and the topic is Returns. One of them is Brock Lesnar and someone said it was in 2012. It hadn’t occurred to me that Brock’s second tenure is actually longer than his first (he debuted the night after Wrestlemania XVIII and left after Wrestlemania XX).

One of the people talking about Brock coming back was Punk, and the first thought in my head was that Punk would know how awesome Brock is as Punk fought him at Summerslam. The same is true of Cena. Then I heard the year 2012 and I wondered how it could have been that long. Then I thought “oh yeah. He had that year long feud with HHH.”

The trilogy between HHH and Brock Lesnar might have been the least interesting big match trilogy of all time. It’s just totally forgettable and left no impact at all. It’s sandwiched between the match of the year in 2012 and the match of the year in 2013 and means nothing, all things considered. The match headlined Summerslam, was the second main event at Wrestlemania XXIX and headlined Extreme Rules. That REALLY should be something memorable but there’s just nothing there. I remember Brock vs. Big Show better than I remember the HHH feud, and I literally couldn’t remember Brock vs. Big Show two days after it happened.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at: