As we’re coming up on Money in the Bank, WWE is kind of on a roll. Raw was a great example of that but there were certainly some issues in there as well. Let’s get to it.

We open with a roster meeting on the stage to set up the major matches tonight. The Authority gives us Cena vs. Kane in a Money in the Bank qualifying stretcher match because Bryan can’t do it (makes enough sense) and a battle royal for the other Money in the Bank spot. Ambrose and Reigns won’t be in the battle royal because they have other matches that we’ll get to later. There wasn’t much to the meeting and it really didn’t need to take place. This easily could have been announced by Cole to save more time for other stuff.

First match up was Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler. They’ve fought a few times on Smackdown and the matches have worked, much like this one here. The interesting thing was the ending though, which ties into the next match as well. Dean Ambrose would hit the ring and attack Rollins for the DQ as Seth was about to win. That’s the logical move as Rollins’ back was turned and Ambrose had his best chance to get in an attack. Rollins escaped but HHH gave Ambrose a match.

Ambrose lost to Bad News Barrett via countout when Ambrose went out to fight with Rollins. The match was good, but the main story here was how awesome Ambrose vs. Rollins feels. This feud is on fire and feels like something that could launch them to a much higher level. It’s a feud based on hatred between two men over a betrayal instead of something contrived and that’s exactly what you should do in a feud like this. The fact that both guys can more than go in the ring makes things even better. I said that it was giving me flashbacks to Rock vs. HHH in 1998 and that’s about as high of a compliment as I can give.

Now we get to the stupid part of the show because this is WWE and it wouldn’t feel right if we didn’t have one. Roman Reigns intercepted and spiked some coffee (in plastic cups for some reason) that Vickie Guerrero was bringing to the Authority. Jumping ahead, HHH would spill his coffee but Stephanie would suck it down and soon get sick, vomiting on Vickie (possibly in a tribute to Ultimate Warrior who did the same in 1992 and would have had a birthday on Monday).

Much like last week with Layla, WWE doesn’t have A TOWEL available and Vickie wouldn’t clean up all night. With Vickie left in charge while HHH got Stephanie to a doctor, Reigns would tell her that she’s getting fired anyway so why not put him in the battle royal. She agreed, completeing Reign’s plans. This doesn’t work for a variety of reasons.

First and foremost, Roman Reigns just isn’t a mastermind like this. Not that he’s stupid or anything, but he’s a muscle and power guy who gets by being physical. Ambrose was the smart and dastardly guy in the Shield and could get away with something like this, but it really doesn’t suit Reigns. They tried this with Kurt Angle back in 2001 when he tortured Austin into giving him a title shot and it just doesn’t fit.

Second, it took A LOT of convenience to make this work. Reigns didn’t know that they would get sick that fast, that they would leave, that they would leave Vickie in charge, that Vickie would go for this, and that Vickie would turn on them for giving her more authority. It’s REALLY convenient that all this worked and it didn’t work for me. Also, did we really need the projectile vomiting? That’s supposed to be entertaining? Insert your own “it’s WWE” joke here.

Bray Wyatt cut a really good promo about how the title would be his happy ending because it means power. This promo made me think that he could win, and that’s exactly what it’s supposed to do. It makes sense for the story and would be the boost that Bray needs. He also made me believe that winning the title made sense which I didn’t buy last week.

Sheamus would beat Bray Wyatt via DQ in a nice brawl when the Wyatt Family interfered. The Usos would make the save as they’re defending against the Wyatts at Money in the Bank. This was fine and made perfect sense, along with preventing either guy from taking a clean loss. See how easy it can be?

Heyman said that Cesaro will win and that’s a spoiler. Simple line but I liked it.

Rusev squashed Heath Slater, who appeared alone and referred to himself as the American Rock Star. It came off as kind of a face turn but it’s not going to make a difference when you lose in 34 seconds.

Kevin Hart was the guest star last night and did fine in his short segment with Adam Rose. He did commentary on a mixed tag with Rose/Summer Rae vs. Layla/Fandango. Nothing to see here and Hart was fine.

The battle royal was next and actually surprised me. The final group included Reigns, Rusev and Bo Dallas among others. Reigns was the fairly obvious winner, but WWE gave us just enough reason to believe that the other two could pull it off that there was doubt. All you have to do is have the smallest doubt and you can get around the obvious result. They pulled this off in the battle royal and the fans LOVED it. There’s a big match between Rusev and Reigns somewhere down the line and it will rock if they build it up properly.

Cena cut a Cena promo on the Authority. Nothing to see here.

Cameron dragged Paige down to a horrible match, which I believe is leading to the Funkadactyls splitting and Naomi getting a title shot. At the end of the day though, Cameron will be around because she’s on Total Divas and is loud, obnoxious and stupid, making her a reality TV star. She’s horrid in the ring though and hopefully the split lets Naomi get some solo time.

Goldust’s partner was Cody Rhodes as Star Dust. This actually worked as they won a quick match over Ryback/Axel (basically wasting all the wins they’ve gotten in recent weeks but that’s WWE for you) with Cody getting the pin. Yeah it’s destined to lead to Cody vs. Goldust, but Cody as Cody Rhodes has never worked so this is as good as anything else. One nice touch: Cody got the pin with a move that used to be called Diamond Dust. Those good things being said, I really don’t get why they split up the Brothers in the first place. They were on fire and having good matches, but now we’re back where we started with Cody in a new gimmick. It’s working though so it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Cena beat Kane after surviving Rollins and Orton interfering thanks to Ambrose making the save. This was one of their better matches but it wasn’t anything all that good. Much like last week, Cena winning was obvious but there’s nothing wrong with that at all. You can’t have a huge multi man title match without Cena and WWE would be crazy to try.

Issues aside, Raw was awesome on Monday and Money in the Bank is looking like one heck of a ladder match. Reigns, Wyatt, Orton and Cena are all realistic options to take the title and that makes things far more interesting than just one or two choices. Reigns as a criminal mastermind aside, this was a good show that made the stars of the future look like huge stars and that’s a great sign going forward.

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We’ll wrap up the month with someone who is a bit odd. It’s Vampiro.

Vampiro has been around for a VERY long time, starting out as a teenager in 1984. We’ll have to skip most of his early career though due to it being mostly in the indies or around the world. First up is a match from the WAR promotion in Japan.

Vampiro vs. Koki Kitahara vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

This is a Scramble War, basically making it a round robin. In other words, it’s three straight singles matches with everyone getting to fight everyone. Vampiro starts with Koki and nails a quick spinebuster for two. Koki heads outside and gets taken down with an ugly looking flip dive off the top. Back in and Vampiro dives off the top and into the crowd, mostly missing Koki and hitting chairs. They go inside again with Vampiro hitting a top rope hurricanrana for two before walking into a release Rock Bottom. Koki almost drops him on a powerbomb attempt before hitting a Batista Bomb for the pin.

Next up is Bigelow vs. Koki with the name you’ve likely heard of sending Koki out to the floor. Back in and Koki grabs a chinlock to take Bigelow down. After a minute and a half in the hold, Bigelow fights up with a belly to back suplex but gets kicked in the ribs, followed by a DDT for two. Back to the chinlock but Bigelow suplexes out again and drops Koki with four straight clotheslines. A backsplash is enough to give Bam Bam the pin.

So now it’s Bigelow vs. Vampiro with Bam Bam hitting a quick powerslam for two. The top rope headbutt misses but Vampiro misses a guillotine legdrop. A sunset flip is countered by Bigelow sitting on Vampiro’s chest for two followed by the moonsault to give Bigelow his second pin of the match.

Rating: D+. This was pretty boring stuff with Bigelow being about two miles ahead of both other guys. I still don’t care for the Japanese no selling as Koki just stood there for three straight clotheslines and barely even staggered. Pop back up or something but don’t just get hit with it and yell. It looks stupid.

Vampiro would get his biggest American exposure in WCW in 1999/2000, but he would make an appearance on June 29, 1998’s Nitro as well.

El Vampiro vs. Brad Armstrong

Vampiro looks much different without his facepaint. Feeling out process to start with Armstrong taking him into the corner but Vampiro lands on his feet off a monkey flip. A clothesline puts Vampiro down but he comes back with a nice spinning kick to the jaw. Vampiro scores again with a spinwheel kick to the face and the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) for the pin. Just a squash even though Vampiro wouldn’t be back until next March.

Vampiro would indeed come back in 1999 and become a bigger deal. He would feud with a variety of people, including Berlyn, who he met in a dog collar match at Mayhem 1999.

Vampiro vs. Berlyn

This is a collar match and Vampiro has Jerry Only of the band the Misfits with him. Berlyn is Alex Wright in something resembling a Neo-Nazi deal. It was rather weird to say the least. Dr. Death Steve Williams and Oklahoma, one of the creative writers making fun of JR. Immediately Berlyn hits the referee. Vampy kicks Berlyn and Wall hits Vampiro. A second referee comes down as Wall beats up Vampiro and Berlyn is on the floor.

Wall misses a big boot and gets crotched as Berlyn beats up Jerry Only. Oklahoma’s impression of JR is pretty good. I think the match has started now but I’m not sure. Oklahoma makes up a bunch of football stats for the three guys as Wall hits a HUGE chokeslam and is tied to Vampiro now. Berlyn yells at the Wall who takes the collar off.

I have no idea what the point of this is or if the bell ever rant in the first place. Oklahoma: “This Berlyn is tougher than Chinese algebra.” Wall walks out and Vampiro hits a release superplex. Only (not a wrestler) comes in for the double team and The Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) sets up a camel clutch with the chain for the pin.

Rating: N/A. The bell never rang so I don’t think this was an actual match. As for the match, I have no idea why it’s on the card as Vampy and Berlyn were ever chained together at any time. It wasn’t a good match or anything either as Wall was the one out there doing most of the work while a singer that most people probably didn’t know was beaten up. I don’t get the point of this at all.

Next up was a feud with Oklahoma (Ed Ferrara in an insulting Jim Ross impersonation) and Oklahoma’s muscle Steve Williams, to be settled at Starrcade 1999.

Vampiro vs. Steve Williams

The Misfits are Vampiro’s friends and Williams is Oklahoma’s heavy. Oklahoma is designed to do one thing and one thing only: make fun of Jim Ross. Vampiro gets five minutes against Oklahoma is he wins, but since Oklahoma has a mic on we have to hear him talk during the match. Vampiro climbs on top of the cage to start and dives down onto Williams before whipping him into the barricade. A kick to the face staggers Doc and we head inside for the first time.

Vampiro pounds on Williams as this is already going nowhere, much like the majority of the card tonight. Doc fires back with some chops, causing Oklahoma to shout CHOP CHOP CHOP because that’s FUNNY you see. Williams hits some shoulder blocks but misses a splash in the corner. A suplex puts Williams down but as Vampiro goes up, Doc pops up with a superplex, nearly breaking Vampiro’s neck in the process. That’s enough for the wrestling so here are the Misfits to distract Williams. Vampiro kicks Doc down but a second kick is caught in a suplex. Williams pounds away until he shoves the referee for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. So to be clear, Vampiro was supposed to be a big deal in WCW around this time, so let’s have him get destroyed by someone who hasn’t been around in years for the sake of pushing a feud to make fun of someone who isn’t even in this company anymore. Did I mention that 1999 was a really stupid year for WCW?

The five minute clock immediately starts despite Oklahoma being in the cage still.

Vampiro vs. Oklahoma

To further the stupidity, Williams beats Vampiro up for about two more minutes while Oklahoma spouts off stupid jokes from inside the cage. Oklahoma finally gets out and drops Vampiro again with a DDT before stomping away in the corner. Vampiro gets up so Oklahoma runs, only to have the Misfits throw him back in. After a few low blows from Oklahoma (yeah the announcer is hanging in there with a wrestler. Why are you surprised?), Vampiro hits a Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) for the pin. They weren’t even “fighting” for a minute.

Vampiro would feud with Billy Kidman next…..and I have no idea why. Here’s my explanation for the match at SuperBrawl 2000.

Recap of Kidman vs. Vampiro which is over respect or something but Vampy could never beat him. Ok so yes he could and this is the rubber match or something. It’s nice to see just a basic feud though. The Wall is involved somehow also. The package keeps going and I have no idea what they’re fighting over after about a minute of it. I think they’re friends but I have no idea for the most part. It’s WCW so were you really expecting a coherent storyline?

Billy Kidman vs. Vampiro

We start with some decent technical stuff until Kidman gets a rana to send Vampiro to the floor. Back in the ring Vampy gets a suplex off the top for two. Kidman is dropkicked into Torrie and now Billy is all fired up. Vampiro takes over the heel role here as Madden reaches a new low in bad jokes: “If Torries helps Kidman beat Vampiro is she Torrie the Vampiro Slayer?”

Back inside now and Vampy is in control with some suplexes. Kidman grabs a Sky High for two. Fameasser gets two for Vampiro. Madden says in a year this will be for the US Title and in two years for the world title. Oh that wacky Mark. Vampiro hits a double powerbomb with the second being a release version. They go up top and Kidman hits a reverse tornado DDT off the middle rope for the pin. That came out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and it’s one of the better matches of the night, primarily due to it actually getting some time. Vampiro was supposed to be heel but the fans liked him so WCW totally ignored that because they knew what the fans wanted more than the fans so they made him more and more evil until the fans gave up and the bookers got what they wanted.

We now hit the real feud for Vampiro as he went after Sting. You know, because they’re both freaky and supernatural and stuff and that’s enough for a Wrestlemania main event right? Here’s their biggest match from Great American Bash 2000. It’s a Human Torch match, and I think that’s all the description you need.

Vampiro vs. Sting

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

Since it’s WCW, Vampiro would somehow hook up with Great Muta in the latter part of the year as part of the Dark Carnival stable. At New Blood Rising, they would receive a Tag Team Title shot in Muta’s second match of the night and the second Tag Team Title match of the night, with the first being a four team tag match with three or four guest referees.

Tag Titles: Kronik vs. Dark Carnival

You know there’s going to be a screwjob. You just know it. Tony points out that this wasn’t promoted or anything, thereby showing how freaking stupid this was. Also Kronik looks stupid by putting the belts up here and knowing that there’s a title match the next night on Nitro. What was the appeal of Vampiro? I liked him when I was 12 but now I just don’t get it.

Muta stands in the middle of the apron for a bit for no apparent reason. The challengers kick a lot. Yeah I’m stunned too. Muta’s handspring elbow gets caught in a full nelson slam. Tony is just picking the thinking of this show apart by just doing basic commentary. Madden makes pot jokes as I wonder what the point was to having then do a weird kind of stoner thing.

Vampiro gets cheered and he tries to calm them down, making them cheer more. Crowd is fairly dead here. Clark gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Meltdown on Vampiro. There’s the mist to the referee of course and let’s cue the run-in. Muta almost take High Time….and it’s the Harris Brothers. Oh this doesn’t go well. They hit their move on Clark and a moonsault ends it. They would lose to the Filthy Animals the next night.

Rating: F+. Somehow this was a breath of fresh air for the show. They actually had about 8 minutes of horrible wrestling before the screwjob ending. The match being awful as an upgrade is a sign that sums up this entire show and era. Let’s just get to the end of this.

We’ll wrap up WCW with Halloween Havoc 2000 in another match with no real story behind it.

Vampiro vs. Mike Awesome

It’s That 70s Guy here which is yet another instance where WCW blows what could have been someone special. This is Vampiro’s last match with WCW so who do you think wins it? Vampiro has been extra evil or something lately and hates Awesome just because. Awesome has some title shot coming and Vampiro wants it on the line. Awesome, having nothing to gain, says sure.

Big plancha to the floor by Mike to half kill Vampiro. Dang he was great back in the day. Naturally since he was young and good he was made into a comedy character. We head into the crowd now and it’s all Awesome. A fan jumps Awesome and he’s in trouble people that need to drink to get through a show this bad.

Vampiro grabs a chair for both guys and we have a duel. Just wasting time now as not a lot is going on. Vampiro goes for a top rope belly to belly but he more or less just drops Awesome, letting him fly through the air and do all of the work, making it look bad. Awesome busts out a table which makes this at least the second match with them in it. Since they were used earlier, not a lot of people care here.

Stevie wants to know why this is legal and gets no answer. Stevie freaking Ray is the voice of reason on this show. The same Stevie Ray that had a segment called Suckas Gots To Know. Anyway Vampiro hits his finisher and looks for more weapons because he’s an idiot. Madden gets a Ghostbusters line in to make this a bit easier. Sitout Awesome Bomb on the floor as this is now falls count anywhere I guess.

Back in the ring as Vampiro takes an Awesome Bomb from the top rope for the academic pin. In other words the table means absolutely nothing as it wasn’t used at all. And of course we have a solid enough match like that and we get That 70s Guy music and go to General Rection. Nothing wrong with that is there?

Rating: C-. Not bad here and very physical. Awesome would change gimmicks eventually and get back to just being a tough guy but it was too late. Vampiro is a guy I never got at all and to this day I still don’t. This was ok though as Awesome just beat the crap out of him. The rules made no sense but that’s WCW for you.

Vampiro would head to the mess that was the XWF and have a match on November 13, 2001.

Vampiro vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig has an agent by the name of Bobby Heenan, who does Curt’s entrance as only he could. Vampiro hits a quick kick to the chest to start and follows Hennig into the corner with a clothesline. Heenan talks to his client on the floor and it’s Curt coming back with knee lifts and chops in the ring. The neck snap keeps Vampiro in trouble but he comes back with a belly to back suplex and a top rope spinwheel kick for two. Heenan loads up a foreign object but Piper is out maybe half a second later to take it away and blast Hennig. The Nail in the Coffin ends Hennig in less than three minutes.

Vampiro would bounce around the indies for several years before popping up as one of the bigger names in Wrestling Society X. He would face 6-Pac on the second episode for the WSX Title.

WSX Title: Vampiro vs. 6-Pac

There’s a casket at ringside for no apparent reason. Feeling out process to start until Vampiro kicks him down for two. Pac comes back with a sitout powerbomb and a Bronco Buster but the second attempt is caught by choking. A chokeslam sets up a corkscrew dive from Vampiro but he only hits mat. Pac sends him outside for a big flip dive but gets crotched against the post to put him back down.

We get our first table less than three and a half minutes into the match and a tornado DDT drives Vampiro through the wood. Apparently this is falls count anywhere but Pac takes him back inside for an X Factor and two. Pac loads up another X Factor onto the coffin but Vampiro counters into a tombstone into the coffin….which explodes, giving Vampiro the pin.

Rating: D. The coffin exploded. I think that sums up my thoughts on the match pretty well. The wrestling wasn’t horrible but there wasn’t enough of it to make a good match. This was your usual EXTREME stuff with needless tables and a stupid ending, but that was kind of the point of this organization. Are you surprised it lasted ten episodes?

After several years wrestling in Italy, Vampiro would come back to Mexico to wrestle at AAA’s TripleMania XVIII.

Cibernetico/Abyss vs. El Zorro/Vampiro

Cibernetico is one of the top faces in the company (or was at this point). Abyss and Vampiro I think you know. El Zorro is a heel and part of the Foreign Legion and after this show would win the world title. This is a hardcore match. Despite being a foreigner Abyss isn’t part of the Foreign Legion for some reason.

Cibernetico’s entrance is in a word, epic. I think he’s supposed to be a cyborg or something. He’s clearly one of the most popular people in the company. This is that odd kind of hardcore where you have to tag in and out. Yeah I know just go with it. Cibernetico and Zorro start us off.

Cibernetico’s tights say Main Man. At least there isn’t a target saying “goes here” underneath it. The partners just come in for no apparent reason with Abyss going off on Vampiro. This is during Abyss-A-Mania but it doesn’t seem to be that bad at this point. Zorro has a kendo stick as the announcers argue some more. Zorro beats on Cibernetico with a chair in the ring while the other guys are out on the floor.

Vampiro sets up a table but can’t get a moonsault through it. Abyss can’t get his powerbomb through it either so it all evens out. Cibernetico hits the floor and now it’s turning into a regular hardcore match. Vampiro and Konnan point at each other for some reason but the wasted time lets Abyss get his hands on Vampiro. Abyss is thrown at the table which collapses but doesn’t break.

Konnan gets in Vampiro’s face again for no apparent reason. Everyone but Abyss is in the ring now and it’s a 2-1 beatdown. I’m not sure what the deal is with two referees. Maybe Gorilla Monsoon is secretly commissioner here or something. Cibernetico dumps Vampiro (to be with Abyss I guess) but has a kendo stick tossed into his leg.

Abyss is back in now but can’t get a double chokeslam. He settles for a double clothesline instead and down goes the Foreign Legion. Abyss……moves……very……very……slowly. The Foreign Legion hits the ring, in the form of Christopher Daniels, Kozlov, Chessman, Nosawa (Japanese guy) and Hernandez. Cibernetico is like screw that and beats them up on his own.

Zorro takes him down and hammers away with the kendo stick. Cue Abyss who hits Shock Treatment and Zorro is more or less dead. Hernandez misses a chair shot and hits Vampiro by mistake. Konnan grabs Vampiro and throws powder in his face. A chokeslam from Cibernetico ends this.

Rating: C+. Not bad here. They got rid of the tagging after about a second and things got a lot better. Decent little match here and the Foreign Legion losing is a good thing for a change tonight. Cibernetico is a guy that it’s easy to get behind so I can see why he’s one of the most popular there. Decent match all around but a bit rushed.

One final match, from the alleged wrestling organization run by the Insane Clown Posse. From Bloodymania V.

JCW World Title: Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro

Robinson is defending if that wasn’t clear. They shake hands to start and finally lock up. Before anything can get going, here’s Evil Dead for no apparent reason. He gets in the ring and drills the referee as the other two guys get in each others’ faces. Evil Dead DDTs both guys and leaves. This is happening…..why exactly?

Robinson and Vampiro slug it out from their knees which takes a good while. Robinson shoulders him down but gets kicked in the face a second later to give Vampiro control again. Robinson comes back again and tries his finisher called Boot Camp (cobra clutch legsweep) but Vampiro escapes. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion as does a superkick from Vampiro. Vampiro’s chokeslam is broken up and apparently it’s almost 5:00am. Good grief.

A tornado DDT gets two for Robinson as they’re in the problem most indy matches have: they have no idea how to tell a story in the ring and it’s just a string of moves with nothing between them. Vampiro flips off the fans to go heel I guess, and walks into a dragon screw leg whip for his efforts. Robinson puts on a quick leglock but Vamp gets to a rope. The Corporal brings in a chair but Vampiro kicks his knee out just in time.

Vampiro loads up something off the top but gets pulled down into a Tree of Woe. We get the Tommy Dreamer running dropkick into the chair into the guy in the Tree of Woe’s face for two. Vampiro comes back with a kind of Van Daminator and Robinson is busted open. It’s table time now because what would a main event be without one of those? Off to a chinlock by Vampiro so he can bite the cut a bit.

The table is set up in the corner and Vampiro goes after the cut on Robinson’s head. Robinson is sent face first into the chair but Vampiro walks around too much and gets suplexed down for two. Robinson goes up but misses a legdrop to bring things to a halt again. Chokeslam from Vampiro gets two, followed by a Robinson powerbomb and Boot Camp for the pin to retain. The table was never used.

Rating: C-. This went WAY too long which brings it down a bit. Somehow this match was almost twenty minutes long and about four minutes of that was spent on laying around. I have no idea what the point of Evil Dead was but it came and went and didn’t change anything. Not a terrible match or anything and it was fine for a main event on a show of this caliber.

Vampiro is a guy that has wrestled around the world and I liked him as a kid, but now I really don’t see him as anything special. He wrestles the indy style which I can’t stand and could have been replaced by any of a few dozen other wrestlers. There are far worse guys out there, but he’s just nothing I care to watch most of the time.

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Monday Nitro #173
Date: January 25, 1999
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 15,103
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

Man this month is flying by. The main story last week was WCW actually having a good episode of Nitro for a change. Things are actually looking interesting going into SuperBrawl, but there are still four episodes of Nitro for them to screw things up. We should be getting more on the latest NWO civil war, despite the last one being dropped for reasons that have yet to be and likely never will be explained. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Vincent changing his name to Vince, which is probably some joke about McMahon that most people don’t care about at all. He’s a member of the Red and Black but is taking over the Black and White. The Red and Black was watching him on a hidden camera and didn’t approve of him for reasons of him being Vince. Why a hidden camera was used when there was a camera filming everything all night and the footage was shown on TV all night isn’t clear either.

The announcers discuss the events of Thunder because someone has to, before throwing us to a local airport earlier today. Hennig and Stevie Ray formed a secret alliance two feet away from the rest of the Black and White. Stevie is ready to revolt when the Red and Black arrives. Vince, in Black and White again, says they’re here.

Flair has Bischoff selling merchandise this week. I guess we’re back to this after a week of serious Ric. Instead of selling at a stand, Bischoff will be out among the people selling.

Nitro Girls.

Opening sequence.

Stevie Ray and his Rock style shirt is ready to meet with the NWO brass.

Disco Inferno vs. Al Green

Al has a bandage over his left eye and gets clotheslined outside in a surprise power display from Disco. A forearm to the back sends Green into the barricade as Disco is in full control. Green comes back with a back elbow as the fans are actually way into this. Disco’s running neckbreaker puts Green down again and the middle rope elbow gets two. The louder these reactions get, the more I think WCW has the really sweet canned stuff going tonight. Green suplexes Disco down but misses a charge into the corner, setting up the Chartbuster to give Disco the pin. Sweetened crowd or not, Disco looked good this time.

The Black and White argue over their cars to get to the arena. The Red and Black are shown watching from the plane and laughing. Now they get off the plane with Hall talking about trimming fat. Hogan is in a Black and White shirt as Stevie runs his mouth about all of the issues. Stevie says it’s a $500 shirt so I guess it’s mocking/parodying Rock somehow? Anyway the Red and Black destroys Curt Hennig as Hogan has his arm around Vince. Hogan never did have the best eye for talent. Stevie still doesn’t get to leave with the Red and Black.

Hogan and Nash (with matching fanny packs) leads the whole NWO into the building and the camera is actually allowed into the dressing room. Stevie is given a Black and White shirt but he’s not happy.

As this continues to go on, we go split screen to see Bigelow bringing a ladder down to the ring. Now it’s Bigelow on the full screen and he’s not happy with what Scott Hall did to him with the tazer. Hall may claim to be the king of the ladder match, but Bigelow has been hardcore and extreme in places that Hall would never dare to go. Bigelow wants another tazer ladder match against Hall. We go split screen again and Hall doesn’t seem to care one way or another.

Bischoff tries to rip off a customer at the stand but Doug Dillinger intervenes. I’ll give them this: yeah these segments are going on too long and are too frequent, but they’re actually making it look like Bischoff is being punished, which is the point of the things.

Here’s Ric Flair to list off all his catchphrases about his match with Hogan. He calls Horace Hollywood’s cousin and nephew and says the Horsemen could have killed him on Thursday but gave him a break instead. As for Bret Hart, he’s defending the World Title (Bret is US Champion) against an opponent to be named. Tonight Bret has Booker T. (already announced earlier in the show). Next, Nash isn’t allowed to interfere in the tournament match later because it’s going to be a lumberjack match. Finally, Hogan can find two partners to face Flair/Mongo/Benoit later tonight.

A very stoic Scott Dickinson is shown in the front row.

We see a clip from Souled Out with Hall shocking Goldberg and Bigelow.

Here are Hall and Disco with a ladder and the tazer. They stand the ladder up in the aisle and pose on top of it for a bit before Hall says the match with Bigelow is on.

Scott Hall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow punches him down to start but Hall punches him into the corner for the loudest spot call I can remember in a long time. More slugging out ensues until Disco trips Bigelow, earning him an ejection. Hall sends Bigelow into the ladder but Bam Bam drops it over Hall’s back, only to be sent face first into it again. They get inside for some ladder shots to Bigelow’s ribs but he runs Hall over with some brute force. Hall nails him with the ladder again and stomps it onto Bigelow’s back as we take a break.

Back with Bigelow being whipped into the ladder in the corner before a suplex puts him down again. Hall rides the ladder down onto Bigelow ala Shawn in 1994. The ladder is finally set up and Scott goes for a climb but Bigelow makes an easy save. Now Bigelow climbs to drop a headbutt, knocking both guys out for a few seconds. It’s Hall up first with a legdrop between Bigelow’s legs, setting up an elbow drop off the ladder. Bigelow suplexes Hall off the ladder but Scott gets up and dropkicks the ladder out from under Bam Bam.

Scott crosses himself before going up again but apparently missed a few Hail Marys because Bigelow moves the ladder from underneath him. Bigelow goes up and gets the taser, only to be low blowed immediately. Disco brings Hall another taser and leaves, walking into a spear from Goldberg. Hall and Bigelow circle each other with the tasers until Goldberg nails and shocks them both for the no contest.

Rating: C+. This was about a million times better than the Souled Out match because they mixed things up a bit. Instead of just doing the same spot over and over again, we actually got some different things for a change and it made the match so much easier to sit through. Good stuff here.

Scott Norton, Goldberg’s opponent later tonight, jumps him from behind so Scott Hall can escape.

Chuck Norris is here.

Gene is in the back with Bret Hart and asks him about his title match at SuperBrawl. Bret says Flair just has it out for him and wants to know what Booker T. has done to deserve to be in the ring with the US Champion. Bret wants to ax (his word) Booker a question: does he want the fans to see him get decimated and ripped to pieces?

Gene asks Bret who he should give a title shot to and Bret says he’s had his eye on someone. El Dandy is a heck of a wrestler and deserves a shot at the US Title. Gene doesn’t think much of El Dandy, setting up one of the most quoted lines in wrestling history. Bret: “Who are you to doubt El Dandy?”

Bret was going to give Dean Malenko a title shot but he’s conveniently injured. Gene and Bret argue about injuries until Bret says he’ll deal with Flair and his petty grudge, starting tonight. My favorite part about this whole thing is Gene dismissing the idea of a cruiserweight getting a shot at the US Title like a crazy thought. Little things like that only reenforce a lot of the complaints about WCW.

Tag Team Title Tournament First Round: Faces of Fear vs. Fit Finlay/Dave Taylor

Lumberjack match with a lot of lower card guys plus Rey Mysterio Jr. surrounding the ring. Remember that it’s a double elimination tournament. Finlay and Barbarian start things off with Finlay nailing an uppercut and putting on an early nerve hold. Barbarian presses out of a cover and sends Finlay to the floor. That goes nowhere so Finlay comes back in for some more uppercuts.

Barbarian slams Finlay down and it’s off to Meng for some clubbering. Taylor gets the tag and the Europeans clothesline Meng down. Meng and Taylor chop it out with the monster getting the better of it and bringing Barbarian back in to pick the bones. After a beating from both monsters, Taylor is allowed to tag Finlay back in for a brawl with Meng. Finlay gets in a few shots to the ribs but makes the mistake of going after Meng’s head.

Fit is sent outside again for nothing from the lumberjacks as the crowd still has nothing to care about. The rolling fireman’s carry has Barbarian in trouble but Meng breaks up Taylor’s butterfly suplex. A double headbutt gets two on Taylor as everything breaks down. Meng backdrops Taylor into a sitout powerbomb from Barbarian (not as smooth as it sounds) gives the Faces of Fear the win.

Rating: D+. Not a horrible match but it was really dull stuff. That’s the problem with a lot of tournaments: you have to sit through matches like these with teams that people don’t care about and only limited chemistry to make the match work at all. It was watchable from a technical standpoint but nothing more than that.

Hugh Morrus gets in the ring to celebrate as the newest member of the First Family.

We look at the other tournament match from Thunder.

Nitro Girls.

Norman Smiley vs. Perry Saturn

Saturn, still in a dress, on the way to the ring: “Smiley, you’re not getting jiggy with me.” Heenan: “Once again, he’s braless.” Norman gets headlocked to start before a double arm suplex sends him out to the floor. The announcers get into their usual argument over how to pronounce Smiley’s name as he stomps away at Saturn back inside. It’s not quite Big Wiggle time yet and Tenay says he’s a fan of the dance.

Both guys miss some strikes before Smiley gets two off a powerslam. We hit the chinlock on Perry and take a break. Back with Norman suplexing out of a headlock and hitting the spinning slam. Saturn gets two of his own off a rollup but Norman decks him with a clothesline. Saturn legsweeps him down, only to hit knees off a springboard Vader Bomb.

There’s the Big Wiggle to another good reaction but Norman isn’t done. In what might be a bit too far, Saturn is draped throat first over the middle rope and Norman lifts up the back of the dress for another Big Wiggle. After that disturbing image, Saturn freaks out and kicks Norman in the head, followed by a top knee elbow. Saturn does a dance of his own and hits the Death Valley Driver for the pin.

Rating: C+. Smiley is getting over despite being treated like a goon and losing every bigger match that he has. That’s usually a reason to push someone but given that this is WCW, it’s probably grounds for being off TV very soon. The dress was at least used for some more stuff than it was on Thursday so that’s an improvement……maybe?

Gene goes to talk to Scott Dickinson, who claims the suspension is unfair because he had no due process. JJ Dillon has a double standard and only wants to get over with Ric Flair. Scott storms off because referees are treated badly. They’re really wasting time on this story?

Herschel Walker is here.

We look at Flair’s speech again.

Booker T. vs. Bret Hart

Non-title. Thankfully Tenay brings up Bret injuring Booker’s knee last summer to give us some coninuity. Bret bails to the floor to start, comes in to get nailed in the face, then leaves again. More stalling ensues until Bret comes back in for a test of strength. Hart goes down but pokes Booker in the eyes to take over for the first time. A double arm DDT of all things drops Booker and Bret rakes his eyes across the ropes.

They head outside with Booker being sent into the barricade. Hart gives Booker a long time to recover for some reason before taking him back inside where Booker gets two off a small package. Booker nails the spinning kick to the face for two more but Bret nails the Russian legsweep to take control again. It’s time to go after T.’s knee with a cannonball and a wrap around the ropes. There’s a Figure Four but Booker finally turns it over as we take a break.

Back with Bret holding the Figure Four again but having to go to the ropes when Booker turns it. Bret stays on the leg but Booker nails a forearm out of nowhere. The series of kicks looks to set up the Harlem Hangover but Hart is out of the way. Bret goes outside and gets the title belt for a shot from the middle rope.

Booker is ready for him though and knocks Bret out of the air before superkicking him down. Back to the floor for a hot shot to send Bret into the barricade, followed by some choking with the camera cable. Booker throws him back inside and brings the cable with him. Randy Anderson takes awhile getting it out, allowing Bret to nail Booker with the belt for the pin.

Rating: B. Star making performance by Booker here as he easily hung in there with Bret for nearly fifteen minutes. The ending was a bit cheap but it plays up Bret being a champion that will do whatever he wants to win anymore instead of being the hero that he was for years. It’s nice to see him actually wrestle for a change.

Clips of Scott Steiner harassing the Nitro Girls last week.

Bischoff is selling foam fingers and seems to have a toupee on under his hat.

Scott Norton vs. Goldberg

Norton fires off chops to start but gets caught in something resembling an AA. A cross armbreaker doesn’t do much for Goldberg but a powerslam has some more success. Norton grabs a powerslam of his own and it’s completely no sold. Goldberg kicks Scott out to the floor but gets sent into the apron and barricade.

Norton can’t post him though and is sent face first in instead. They keep brawling on the floor with Norton nailing a hard clothesline to take over. Back in and a shoulder gets one on Goldberg followed by another clothesline. The powerbomb is countered and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to give Goldberg the win.

Rating: C+. Take two monsters and let them beat on each other for five minutes until one hits their finishers for the pin. This is what Norton should have been built up for several months ago and that’s what they did…..with several months of inactivity in between. Fun match even though there was nothing to it.

The NWO runs in and gets beaten up post match. The celebrities mentioned earlier plus Brett Hull of the NHL and Jean-Claude Van Damme get in to celebrate with Goldberg. Not exactly Mike Tyson but that’s a good visual.

Nitro Girls. Scott Steiner takes over the broadcast booth to ogle them during their routine.

Hollywood Hogan/Scott Steiner/Kevin Nash vs. Horsemen

This has A LOT of time, as in nearly half an hour. Hogan is still listed as a Presidential candidate. Before the match, Nash gets a cheap pop and Steiner says that Kimberly has been flirting with him out back. If she wants to tease him, she better be ready to please him. Hogan is glad that there aren’t any WCW or Ric Flair fans out here because they stink very badly. He’ll take care of Ric at SuperBrawl because Flair is the first one being hunted by the Pack.

After a break we get the Horsemen’s entrance and the opening bell. It’s a brawl to start of course and Benoit gets to beat up Hogan in one of the only times they ever had contact. Flair goes after Hogan but Nash makes the save. The NWO clears the ring to start as the announcers bring up Sting for the second or third time tonight. It’ll be nice to have him back. This turns into a discussion of Alex Wright no showing the show tonight.

Benoit and Steiner get things going with the power man running him over and kicking Benoit in the head. Scott runs into a boot in the corner though and Benoit fires off more right hands. A dropkick sends Steiner outside and Benoit holds up the fingers to Nash and Hogan. Kevin comes in for a knee to the ribs but Benoit runs him into the corner and chops away.

Off to McMichael for a slam, setting up the Swan Dive but Hogan makes a save. Steiner gets in a shot from the apron and Nash hits the big boot to take over. Hogan comes in and man alive is it strange to see him in there against Benoit. It doesn’t last long though as Hogan clotheslines Benoit down and suckers Flair in before hiding behind Steiner. A non-existent tag brings in Steiner for a belly to belly and two on Chris. Nash comes back in for the side slam and it’s back to Hogan with a belly to back suplex.

We take a break and come back with Hogan still on Benoit. Again he suckers Flair in but tags Scott to get in a few shots on the Canadian. The fans want Flair as Nash slams Benoit and elbows Ric in the face. Everything breaks down and Benoit gets caught in the Tree of Woe for some choking by Nash. Hogan whips Benoit with the weightlifting belt and suplexes him for another two count.

Choking ensues and it’s back to Nash for the foot choke in the corner. Nash misses a big boot in the corner but Steiner breaks up a hot tag attempt. We hit the bearhug on Benoit and he seems to pass out. Hogan wants the pin but can only get two. An elbow gets the same but the legdrop misses, allowing Benoit to FINALLY tag Flair. Everything breaks down and Bischoff comes in with a foam finger wrapped around a 2×4. Flair gets Hogan in the Figure Four but Nash nails him with the board for the DQ.

Rating: B-. This was the six man formula done very well and the match was very good as a result. Benoit is an excellent face in peril and he had the crowd going nuts for the tag to Flair. I’m fine with a messy finish here as you don’t want to have a champion do a job before a pay per view. If WWE could get that through their heads, a lot of my headaches would go away.

Bischoff pulls out some clippers but the lumberjacks from earlier make the save, for the 459th show of unity that WCW has needed against the NWO. The NWO bails but runs into Goldberg who cleans house to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was the best Nitro in probably a year at least. They actually slowed down and took their time for once while delivering some pretty good matches. Flair vs. Hogan has a good story to it and the other feuds aren’t bad at all. Unfortunately this was one of the shows where if you don’t like the main story you’re not going to like the show. Luckily they got it right for once and had a fast moving and entertaining show. Good stuff.

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Today it’s off to the deepest jungles of Africa for Kamala.

Kamala started off in the indies under generic names like Big Jim Harris. Eventually he became Kamala down in Memphis and would be a traveling attraction like many other monsters around this time. One of his stops was in the Carolinas where he challenged Magnum TA for the US Title at Great American Bash 1985.

US Title: Kamala vs. Magnum TA

This is from the Great American Bash 1985. Kamala recently had his foot/leg amputated so the timing is appropriate. Kamala jumps him before the bell and it’s on. Magnum fires off a cross body and hammers away on the big man. You know Kamala never did much other than get beaten up. I never remember him winning anything of note and he’s usually just around because he’s big.

Kamala wants a test of strength but Magnum is a lot smarter than that, popping him in the jaw instead. Magnum gets knocked down by a chop and kick as Kamala takes over for token reasons. A choke somehow counts as a cover and gets two. Kamala grabs Magnum’s chest in a weird claw move then splashes him twice. Magnum is on his stomach so it doesn’t count. That’s an old standard for moon belly man. Back to the claw which wastes more time. Magnum makes his comeback and gets an easy slam. Kamala walks into the belly to belly and we’re done.

Rating: D. Kamala as usual isn’t interesting. He was supposed to be this savage and all that but it just didn’t work at all. He did his thing and that thing never was all that interesting. This is the definition of a house show match and the whole idea was to set up a quick match for Magnum to look good in. This was pretty weak.

It was soon off to the WWF where Kamala would get to work with some big name stars. Here’s one such match from November 20, 1986.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Kamala

I think we’re in Philly here. Ah yes Dick Graham is doing commentary and he never left that city. Kamala wants a test of strength to start and the commentators aren’t sure about this. Steamboat naturally tries to speed things up so Kamala busts out a leapfrog of all things. He adds a big kick to take over. Craig asks a good question: why does Fuji have a cane if he doesn’t have any issues walking?

Kamala grabs the armpit of Steamboat in a new twist on the rest hold. You know, since we’re nearly two minutes into the match and he’s tired already. Kamala looks fatter than he typically does here. He gets what could be classified as a modified chokeslam to send Steamboat flying. Steamboat has had next to no offense in this.

He tries to get some shots in and since Kamala is a monster, very basic offense is enough to take him down and have him reeling. Steamboat beats up both managers and lands a shot from the middle rope to put Kamala down to one knee. He tries to go up again but gets slammed down thanks to some nefarious means called Mr. Fuji. The big splash ends this clean in rather surprising fashion.

Rating: C. When’s the last time you saw Steamboat more or less get squashed? This is likely when he was about to head to the NWA so Vince was trying to make him seem as worthless as possible. The timing from earlier would seem to agree with that and Kamala wasn’t around until about 88 so yeah this is part of the Steamboat Sucks Tour which would result in him winning the world title from Flair. Go figure.

And this one from December 6, 1986.

Kamala vs. Tito Santana

We’re told this is in Rockford, Illinois and it’s at a Superstars Taping. Since this is a dark match there’s no original commentary so Johnny and Craig do it for us. Neither are any good so the sound is incredibly annoying. Tito tries to stick and move but has to avoid the Wizard and Kim Chee (Kamala always had two managers) at the same time.

Kamala wants a test of strength and holds his hand up for about 45 seconds as we’re told what a dark match is. We’ve been on this Kamala wanting a test of strength thing for over a minute now. The announcers keep offering suggestions as to what he’s doing such as wanting a basketball to palm or waving to friends. Shockingly, he was trying to hurt Tito’s hand. This is idiotic.

Tito steps on his hand but gets chopped in the head for his efforts. More Kamala dominance as he chokes away. Who wanted to see a tape of Kamala dominating like this? This match has been 50% choking, 50% of Kamala holding his hand in the air and 50% Tito throwing right hands. For some reason they keep going to wide shots. The Wizard trips Tito and the splash ends it, thank goodness.

Rating: F. This was AWFUL. I don’t know who thought dedicating almost 15 minutes of a tape to Kamala was a good idea, but it certainly didn’t work. He was good for crushing jobbers, not Hall of Famers. This was incredibly boring as most of it was choking or that stupid test of strength thing that Tito walked around for a few minutes because of. I see why this was a dark match. Just terrible.

Here’s a first in this series: from the next day on Wrestling Challenge, albeit taped weeks earlier.

Kamala vs. Jack Foley

These old Foley squashes are becoming kind of a tradition. Ring announcer Mel Phillips screws up by saying Foley weighs 147lbs. A slam, a splash, and a top rope splash destroy Foley in about 40 seconds.

Why not again? This time from January 25, 1987.

Kamala vs. Nick Foley

Yes Nick, even though the announcer introduces him as Mick Faley. Foley is now from Boston and weighs 249lbs. That’s quite the weight gain in six weeks. Chops and the splash do the job here. Well Foley does the job but you get the idea.

Kamala would be part of a one night tag team tournament on March 15, 1987 in Toronto.

First Round: Kamala/Sika vs. Killer Bees

Sika is more famous for being in the Wild Samoans. Has Kamala ever actually won anything? I don’t remember a thing that he actually accomplished. The camera angle is odd at this show as it’s from an angle and the ring is kind of up on a platform if that makes sense. The crowd is kind of small too. The ring looks small too. Valiant isn’t a good talker but he’s energetic as all goodness. Sika and Brunzell start. For some reason Kamala starts climbing the ropes. Ok then.

No clue why the heels are teaming together. Oh apparently they’re a semi-regular tag team. As always the idea of them registering for a tag team is very funny. Their manager, the Grand Wizard, would be replaced by Mr. Fuji, who Shawn Michaels LOVES. They get a double slam on Kamala which was kind of cool. We get to the formula stuff here as Blair, the less talented of the faces, gets beaten down a lot.

That ends though due to the first instance of something I’m sure you’ll hear a lot of tonight: heel miscommunication. A hot tag to Brunzell and a quick dropkick gets the win for them. On replay, you can see how awesome that one was. He kicked Sika right in the freaking face.

Rating: C+. Not bad for an opener at all. They used your standard formula here but at an accelerated pace. To be fair though, the heels are pretty much crap here though and that’s hurting things. Bees were their usual solid selves, but they were being held down here by bad opponents.

What better way to show off Kamala than put him on SNME #11?

Kamala vs. Jake Roberts

The snake clears things out immediately. WWF should have paid for a snake fear seminar or something given how afraid half the roster was of them. Well not Kamala though as he just completely sucks. He scared me to death when I was a kid though so he can do whatever he wants. Jake gets out of a bearhug by stomping on Kamala’s foot. That’s just mean.

Vince wants to know about Kamala’s dental plan. Was there a face commentator that could stay on the match for more than 8 seconds in this era? This is a pretty basic match with Kamala dominating before Jake makes a short comeback. Kim Chee, Kamala’s other manager, runs in and blasts Jake in the back of the head and a splash ends Jake. Chee unmasks as Honky Tonk Man for a beatdown on Jake.

Rating: D. Not much at all here. This was just to do the ending angle which is odd as Honky won at Mania and yet he’s the one continuing the feud. Anyway, Kamala was always pretty awful and this was no exception. Just a boring match all around and nothing of note at all.

And since he’s a monster, why not a World Title shot? From June 27, 1987.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Kamala

Yes Kamala is the focal point of this tape. Allow that to sink in a bit. Thinking this is in Philly but I’m not sure. Ah make that Boston. Hogan hurts himself on a slam attempt and Kamala goes to work. I think you know the story here. Kamala tries some chops on the mat but here comes Hogan as he rolls out of the way. He fires away with lefts and drills Kim Chee for good measure.

Kamala drills Hogan as he goes after the manager and gets a shot with a foreign object. Hogan bleeds a bit but at this point even him suffering can’t save this. We have five minutes left in this and I could go for some Benny Hill music to get us through it. Lots of choking by the darker skinned man. Nice bit of trivia: both of these two have put out albums.

Kamala goes up but Hogan crawls away so he climbs back down. This is painfully boring as there’s no way Hogan doesn’t win the match to end the tape. Oh and Gorilla has NEVER seen Hogan take this much of a beating before. Splash gets two and Hulk begins his seizure. If you don’t know the rest of this match, you’re an idiot.

Rating: D. Typical Hogan match to end this. Hogan matches in the 80s really were a dime a dozen. That’s what’s kind of surprising about the Andre match: it was an extended match of what he did every night but it got 90,000+ to watch it. Again, this was the Kamala tape. Do I need to explain to you that this was bad?

Kamala would jump from the big companies to the smaller territories quite often in his time so it’s hard to keep track of him for long periods of his career. Here he is in the USWA in December 1991.

Unified World Title: Kamala vs. Jerry Lawler

Lawler is defending, having beaten Kamala for the title recently. Kamala jumps him to start and pounds away, sending the champion down into the corner. Jerry’s face is slammed into the mat for two and some headbutts easily stop a comeback attempt. Choking ensues and Lawler gets chopped down for one of the slowest two counts I’ve ever seen. Jerry comes back with right hands but is easily knocked out to the floor.

In something that wasn’t done back in the day, Kamala picks up the announcers’ table to ram Lawler head first, but he shoves the referee down in a rage. Lawler is put face first on a camera before going back inside. It’s still not a DQ so Kamala splashes Jerry for a very close two. Another splash gets another two so Kamala sends the referee into the corner. A third splash misses and Lawler takes the strap down. The right hands drop Kamala and the middle rope punch only gets two. They brawl on the floor and a fireball to Kamala is finally enough to draw the DQ.

Rating: C+. Wild match here and it actually worked very well. In the USWA, the title changed hands VERY often, with Kamala taking the belt about four times in five months with two vacancies in between. It’s such a different world down there and a very interesting one to say the least. I liked this way better than I was expecting to.

Kamala was soon brought back to the WWF as Harvey Whippelman’s soldier in the war against Undertaker. Their first showdown was at Summerslam 1992.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala was Undertaker’s Monster of the Month at this point and is managed by Harvey Whippelman. Undertaker rides to the ring on the back of a hearse to kill even more time. Taker fires off uppercuts to start and chokes away in the corner before avoiding a charging Ugandan. Harvey breaks up Old School but Kamala can’t hurt Taker at all. He clotheslines the dead man to the floor but Taker no sells everything Kamala throws at him. Back inside and Taker easily chokeslams him down and hits the Tombstone but Kamala’s other manager Kim Chee comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as it was setting up the coffin match at Survivor Series. This was during the bad period for Undertaker as he fought a bunch of monsters with no particular rhyme or reason. Kamala was nothing special and spent most of his career trying to be intimidating but getting destroyed every time.

We’ll come back to that later, as first we have to see Kamala challenge for the Intercontinental Title on October 28, 1992.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Kamala

Sean Mooney and Hayes are the commentators here. Sean gives analysis. That’s cute. We start with a feeling out sequence and Bret working the arm. Something tells me Bret is going to be the one doing ALL the work here. Sean wants to know why Kim Chee won’t take his mask off, with theories being that he’s a criminal or owes alimony to his wife. Bret actually tries a test of strength but is smarter than that and suckers Kamala in and stomps on his foot.

Kamala takes over and it’s just your standard match at this point. Kamala grabs Bret’s chest. That’s what it looks like at least. A modified form of the 5 Moves of Doom doesn’t work. See what happens when you screw with them? Chee gets up on the apron, Kamala lunges for Bret when he grabs Chee, rollup keeps the belt. Kamala jumps him afterwards but Harvey gets splashed. Don’t worry as he would recover and go on to become women’s champion later on.

Rating: D. This was weak to put it mildly. The grade is ALL Bret. He is the one decent thing in here…which makes this sound better than it was seeing as how there are only two guys in the match but you get the idea. Kamala was just a place holder here and not a very good one at that. Boring match, but the next one makes up for it just a bit.

The rematch with Undertaker was the first Coffin Match at Survivor Series 1992.

Undertaker vs. Kamala

Kamala immediately runs from Taker and they head to the floor for more not fighting. Back in and Kamala pounds away with almost no effect. Taker hits the yet to be named Old School and Kamala is in trouble again. A clothesline sets up some choking by the dead man but Kamala chops him to the floor. This is really dull so far. Kamala rams Taker head first into the steps and hits him in the back before we head inside. A kick to the chest puts Taker down for all of a second. Kamala slams him a bunch of times and three splashes. The urn is knocked into the ring and Taker sits up. An urn shot to the head pins Kamala.

Rating: F. Seriously, that’s it. That’s IT? This is one of the biggest matches on the show and this is all we get? Just a dull match with nothing more than a few shots to the back and a quick ending. This didn’t even make six minutes and Taker didn’t even break a sweat in crushing Kamala. Nothing to see here and it was completely worthless, much like Kamala.

Kamala would return soon after this as a face with Reverend Slick trying to turn him into a civilized man (including teaching him to bowl). Somehow this earned Kamala an Intercontinental Title shot on Raw, June 28, 1993.

Intercontinental Title: Kamala vs. Shawn Michaels

This is during KAMALA IS A MAN phase where Slick tried to humanize him a bit and it was just painfully bad. There was a tape where the theme of it was Kamala, in wrestling gear mind you, learns to bowl. It’s as bad as it sounds. This is from Raw in late June/early July of 93. Clearly the world was BEGGING for this showdown. June 28 apparently.

Shawn isn’t sure what to do here. Bobby talks about taxes and Vince FREAKS about Bobby not having many taxes based on what he made last year. Holy unintentional shoot Vinceman! Kamala is moving out here as he gets Shawn to back up and try to hide. Shawn avoids a chop as we talk about the Slam Yokozuna thing which was rather awesome in the payoff for it.

Kamala gets a bearhug for a LONG two. Kamala uses basic stuff to attack Shawn but a running knee eats buckle to give Shawn the advantage that most people expected him to have. He swears at some fan in the audience and Vince isn’t pleased so he plugs something instead. Figure Four is blocked by Kamala so Shawn stomps away some more.

We list off some athletes that won’t slam Yokozuna. We mention Dave Letteman leaving NBC which really dates this show. Here’s Kamala’s comeback as he uses a lot of chops to fight back. Does he think he’s Asian or something? He’s messing up his stereotypes. Kamala hits the splash on Shawn’s back but messes up and tries for a pin with Shawn on his stomach which was a thing he did because he was stupid. Chin Music to the back of the head ends this.

Rating: C-. Not horrible actually if you can believe that. Kamala had a chance out there and they kept it short enough to make sure that the fans didn’t get bored with it and that Kamala didn’t overstay his welcome etc. It’s not a great match or anything really but it’s certainly fine for what it was: a quick TV title defense.

Kamala would leave the WWF soon after this and head to WCW where he would join the Dungeon of Doom. One of his only major matches was at Bash at the Beach 1995.

Kamala vs. Jim Duggan

Please, I beg of you, MAKE IT QUICK! Thank goodness the bell rang. Wait is that a good thing? At least Duggan is getting the face pop like he’s supposed to. Oh and Zodiac has joined the Dungeon. That’s Brutus in case you’re confused. Not sure why you would be as it’s been two weeks with his latest gimmick so it was time for a change. Duggan hits him. Kamala doesn’t sell it. Kamala hits him. Dugan oversells. At least it balances out.

And let’s talk about Hogan for a bit. Sure why not. Some large man showed up on the preshow and scared Hogan. He would be known as the Giant. What a brilliant name. The fans don’t seem to be that interested in this. Duggan slams him. The Three Point Clothesline hits. Kamala falls before it hits but whatever. And Zodiac hits Duggan with Kamala’s mask for the pin. I hate this show.

Rating: F. Boring, contrast of styles, stupid ending. You pick the reason why it sucked. Again, why is this match happening in 1995? Aren’t there other guys you could have out there that are, you know, not old? It makes no sense so that’s why you know it’s WCW. At least it wasn’t long.

Kamala would disappear soon after this and never show up as a permanent fixture ever again. He would appear in the Insane Clown Posse’s promotion for a bit but we’ll look at a one night appearance he made on Raw, June 26, 2006.

Kamala vs. Umaga

This is the result of Kamala attacking Jim Duggan the previous night and Kamala standing up for his fellow legend. They do the big collision spot to start before Umaga kicks him down. Manager Kim Chee is destroyed as well and takes a running hip attack in the corner. The middle rope headbutt and Samoan Spike easily end Kamala.

Ok so Kamala didn’t have the best record, but he was there for one reason: to make the other guys look good. I was TERRIFIED of him as a kid and would regularly cover my eyes whenever he was on screen. Seeing Undertaker destroy him in 1992 was the best thing I had ever seen and that was exactly why Kamala was out there. There’s nothing wrong with letting people beat your brains in every night. As Brian Pillman once said: “I’d love to be the highest paid loser in wrestling.”

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 19, 1999
Location: Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Attendance: 10,671
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

It’s the go home show for Backlash and the main story is the Ministry being totally out of control. The Corporation is fighting them as well as they can but there’s just too much going on for them to do much good. Other than that we’ll get the fallout from Rock throwing both Austin and the title belt into the river last week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Smoking Skull belt being introduced and then thrown in the river last week with Austin following it into the water.

Rock drives a hearse into the arena because he buried the title last week. This week it’s going to be a funeral with Rock delivering the eulogy. We even have a casket, flowers, and a big mound of dirt. Rock climbs onto the mound while guaranteeing to show that he’s the best champion ever on Sunday. Simple stuff here but on a big stage.

Vince and Stephanie will do a sitdown interview in Connecticut tonight so Vince is checking with security to make sure Stephanie is safe.

Road Dogg vs. Owen Hart

There’s no ramp this week due to the grave taking up so much space. Before the match, Dogg says that the Outlaws are the #1 contenders but if he loses tonight, Owen and Jarrett are the #1 contenders, no questions asked. However, if Dogg wins, the world gets to see Debra’s puppies. That’s the first time that term was ever used in the WWF so there’s your historical moment.

Owen jumps Dogg to start as Jerry is now a huge Roadie fan. The left hands and shaky knee drop get two on Owen but he comes back with a spinwheel kick (Lawler: “NO!”). A legdrop gets two more for Hart and he nails an enziguri for a close two. Owen drops a middle rope elbow but Dogg kicks out of the Sharpshooter and hits the pumphandle slam for the pin, sending Lawler into orbit.

Rating: D. This was just about the post match stuff and introducing one of the longest running jokes in WWF history to the lexicon. The tag match on Sunday was the more important story anyway, but this is far most historic. It says a lot that Owen and Jarrett were one of the top teams in the division.

Jeff Jarrett prevents the unveiling.

Undertaker sends the Acolytes out to take care of the Brood.

Rock is practicing his eulogy.

Brood vs. Acolytes

Christian is the odd man out here. It’s a brawl to start with the power guys easily taking over to start. Farrooq powerbombs Edge down but the Canadian comes back with a spinwheel kick and some lame kicks to the shoulder. That’s fine with Farrooq as he comes back with a spinebuster and makes the tag to Bradshaw. Gangrel comes in and fights out of a superplex before hitting a quick DDT.

Bradshaw hits a quick fall away slam and brings Farrooq back in for a belly to back suplex/neckbreaker combo. Farrooq works on the back as Lawler’s voice sounds like it’s cracking. Gangrel finally gets over for a tag but Bradshaw takes Edge’s head off before he can get going. The double powerbomb lays out Edge but Shamrock runs in with a ball bat to knock Bradshaw silly for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not much better than the opener but it had more time and the teams knew how to work a decent match. Neither team would do anything for awhile but once Edge and Christian took off they never looked back. The main event war continues to devour the entire company.

Undertaker is livid at the Acolytes for not getting a pin.

There’s a new special coming. It’s called Smackdown.

During the break, Undertaker and Viscera beat the tar out of Farrooq and Bradshaw.

Intercontinental Title: Godfather vs. Hardcore Holly

Only Godfather’s title is on the line. It’s a slugout to start with Godfather getting the better of it. A boot to the face sends Holly to the floor where he picks up a cookie sheet, only to get rolled up for two. The Ho Train crushes Holly but we’ve got a ref bump a minute into the match. Holly rolls outside again and nails Godfather with the cookie sheet several times before throwing him out to the floor. A hockey stick over Godfather’s back has him in even more trouble but Godfather kicks a chair into Holly’s face. Goldust comes out and breaks up Godfather’s cover, but Snow lays Holly out with Head to give Godfather the pin.

Rating: D-. Did I mention this is Russo time? It’s a three minute and five second match, complete with a ref bump, four weapons and two run ins. I have no idea why the match needed all this stuff but that’s part of Russo’s philosophy: a title match isn’t enough to keep the fans’ entrance so all this stuff has to be thrown in. It works once in awhile but when it happens all the time, the effect wears off.

Undertaker is on the phone with Mideon and tells him not to fail.

Rock is having his shoes shined and promises to bury Austin tonight.

Ken Shamrock vs. Big Boss Man

No holds barred due to Boss Man attacking Shamrock last week to kick him out of the Corporation, though Shamrock is still loyal to Vince. The brawl starts in the aisle with no one in control. Boss Man is sent into the steps and then into the ring for the opening bell. Shamrock kicks Boss Man in the head and they slug it out until an enziguri (hit Ken’s shoulder) puts Shamrock down. A much better pair of spinebusters get three straight two counts and a powerslam gets one more. Boss Man hammers away even more but Ken grabs a hurricanrana and belly to belly out of nowhere for the pin.

Rating: D-. The gimmick brings this down as there was no reason for this to be no holds barred at all. If nothing else it makes future matches with the same gimmick look stupid as fans will say “the last one sucked so why should I care about this one?” As a regular match it wasn’t much to see either.

Undertaker immediately pops up and says he knows where Ryan Shamrock is, even knowing her room number. Ken runs to the back.

The Mean Street Posse comes out for commentary.

Mankind vs. HHH

Some right hands have HHH in early trouble but Chyna pulls Mankind down by the tie and hits him in the face. That doesn’t last long though as a backdrop puts HHH down again and he gets tied up in the Tree of Woe. HHH comes back again and hits the running knee to send Mankind outside. Chyna gets in even more shots as the Posse hasn’t had much to say so far.

Back in and HHH drops a knee for two before clotheslining Mankind out to the floor. Both guys are sent into the steps with HHH getting the better of it and hammering away back inside. The Pedigree is countered but HHH blocks the catapult attempt, so Mankind falls head first onto his crotch. Socko is loaded up but Chyna crotches Mankind against the post for a DQ.

Rating: C-. Better match but that’s still not saying match. These guys were capable of having some classics but they need more than six minutes on a random Raw in the middle of April. The DQ/screwy finishes are getting really annoying tonight, which says a lot given what we usually have to sit through on this show.

Post match the Corporation comes in to attack Mankind but Big Show makes the save. He hits a HUGE chokeslam on Test to send everyone running. Mankind grabs the mic and says thank you very much, but they’ll still meet in his boiler room on Sunday.

Rock is on the phone in the parking lot and says his car cost $40,000.

Billy Gunn vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff sends him into the corner and stomps away to start but walks into a great powerslam for two. Owen comes out to trip Billy, allowing Jarrett to clothesline him outside. Road Dogg gets caught trying to help and Gunn is posted. A bulldog gets two for Jarrett but Billy drops him face first onto the top turnbuckle to take over.

Road Dogg helps his partner out with a right hand but Billy and Jeff hit heads to knock each other down. JR is already annoyed at the puppy jokes as Billy nails a neckbreaker, but Debra unbuttons her top to show off her bra. Billy simply drops his tights and hits a Fameasser on Jarrett but Owen comes in for the DQ.

Rating: C-. That’s almost out of pity as these matches have just been awful tonight. The tag matches make sense for Sunday, but I don’t see the point in having one team win both of the matches. The puppy stuff would dominate anything to do with women for about the next three years, much to JR’s annoyances.

Debra takes off her jacket but Jeff covers her bra with the guitar.

Rock won’t give an interview to WWF.com and tells the interviewer to get him some fruit.

Viscera vs. Big Show

They lock up to start and Big Show easily shoves him to the mat. Viscera takes him into the corner for some fat man splashes, only to get crushed with a clothesline. A rather impressive hiptoss puts Viscera down but he comes back with more fat man splashes. Big Show kicks him in the face to drop Viscera again but the lights go out as he loads up the chokeslam. We’ll say it’s a no contest here after your usual battle of the huge men match.

Undertaker and Paul Bearer come to the ring and we get the real showdown with Big Show. They slug it out and both try chokeslams but Viscera gets back up for the double team. Big Show still won’t go down but Undertaker punches him onto one knee. Mankind comes out to even things up but Undertaker leaves Viscera alone. Big Show superkicks Viscera to the floor. It really is amazing how much bigger Show is than Viscera, who is a massive man.

We look at Shane taking over the Corporation last week.

Vince and Stephanie are in Connecticut for a sitdown interview with Michael Cole. Vince says he’s always been proud of Shane but he wasn’t always there for him. Shane missed a lot as well because Vince wasn’t there, but Vince wasn’t proud last week. Stephanie can’t believe what Shane has done recently but knows that the only person that can keep her safe is Vince.

Security interrupts the interview and says something is going on in the parking lot. Vince tells the guards to stay there with Stephanie and goes after whoever is in the parking lot. It turns out to be Mideon and Vince beats the tar out of him before trying to crush Mideon with his own car. Mideon escapes and gets into the car as we go to a break.

Here’s Val Venis to say he’s solved the Y2K problem. All the ladies have to do is add a few extra bytes of ram from his hard drive and everything will be fine. This brings out Sable who says that’s nice, but she’s got bigger news: in two weeks, she’ll be shooting her second Playboy pictorial. This brings out Ivory and D’Lo Brown and the double brawl is on for no apparent reason. Now Sable’s bodyguard Nicole Bass comes out to destroy Ivory with a chokeslam. Val seems to have eyes for Sable.

It’s time for Rock to deliver the eulogy for Austin. Rock sets the tone with “Dearly trailer park trash”. Oh we could be in for a good one here. Rock isn’t sure if a roody poo like Steve Austin will fit in that casket before we get the real point of this: Rock opens his jacket to reveal the Smoking Skull belt. He runs his mouth about Backlash a bit until you can hear an engine revving.

We go outside and Austin is in a 3:16 monster truck. He goes over to the Rock’s car and puts it in the middle of the parking lot before getting back in the monster truck. Austin teases it a bit by driving around the Lincoln Continental a few times before crushing the brand new $40,000 car, sending Rock into a frenzy.

With that nice and destroyed, Austin drives the truck into the arena and beers are consumed. Back into the truck and Austin runs over the hearse before the fight is on. Rock barely gets in a single shot before Austin nails him with the belt to send Rock into the grave. Austin poses with the title but Shane comes in (remember that he’s the referee on Sunday) and breaks a shovel over Austin’s head to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This is where Vince Russo was in need of the leash more than ever. All the stuff in the middle of this show was about as dreadful as you can get because it keeps going so fast that you can’t keep up with anything at all. However, there’s good stuff on both ends of the show that make it worth seeing. As for a go home show though, this really didn’t hold up well either. Most of the matches were just glossed over and the pay per view sounds like it’s going to be a big commercial for the next night’s Raw. That being said, it’s still better than anything WCW was doing at this point and that’s all that mattered.

Here’s Backlash if you’re interested:

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Because WWE writers are lazy and need a crutch to get a World Title change going.  Seth Rollins is the only announced participant so far.

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 16, 2014
Location: Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

We’re in Cleveland tonight and the main story continues to be Shield vs. HHH/Orton/Rollins, which doesn’t seem to be Evolution anymore. Other than that we’re getting ready for Money in the Bank with two spots left in the World Title ladder match. John Cena is still without a match for the show, so you can probably pencil him in for a qualifying match at some point this week. Let’s get to it.

First off on a personal note, Happy Birthday Mom.

We open with the roster on the stage and the Authority walking through them to get to the ring. Stephanie knows how hard it is for the fans to not have a WE Champion because the title means so much. Look at her husband, the greatest of all time for proof of how it can immortalize people. Bryan has proven that he’s a B+ player because he didn’t have the heart to defend the title.

This brings HHH to the roster on the stage, because the next WWE Champion might be standing up there right now. Stephanie says tonight is about opportunity because someone will join the Money in the Bank match. Everyone up there will be in a battle royal, minus the Shield because they’ve refused to evolve. Also, John Cena won’t be in the match for reasons not specified. HHH knows Cena loves to help people, so tonight Cena can help the Authority. Tonight Cena gets his own chance to qualify for Money in the Bank, in a stretcher match against Kane.

Comedian Kevin Hart is guest host tonight.

Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler

I think we had a miscue before the break as Kane came out and is nowhere to be seen now. Rollins has some new music and is back in something similar to his Shield attire, though it’s a plain black sleveless top instead of a vest. The hometown boy runs Seth over to start but Rollins slaps him in the back of the head a few times. Ziggler hiptosses him down and out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Rollins puts on a headlock before whipping Ziggler hard into the corner as we take a break.

We come back with Seth getting two off something we didn’t see before putting on a chinlock. Ziggler escapes and heads to the floor where he blocks a suicide dive. Back in and Rollins hits a quick enziguri but misses the curb stomp, allowing Ziggler to nail the jumping DDT for two. Ziggler hammers away and gets two off a sunset flip before putting on the sleeper. Seth is quicky out but the Fameasser gets two for Dolph. Not that it matters as Rollins hits two straight buckle bombs followed by the curb stomp, but Ambrose runs in for the DQ at 11:06.

Rating: C+. This was getting going but the DQ ending makes sense in this case. Ambrose not coming out there when he knew where Rollins was wouldn’t have made sense so the ending is as logical as you can get. You knew Ziggler wasn’t going to go over Rollins at this point, so there isn’t much to complain about.

Ambrose erupts on Rollins but Seth bails to the floor. Dean tells him to get down here for his beating, but HHH pops up on screen and says he has some bad news for Ambrose.

Bad News Barrett vs. Dean Ambrose

This is joined in progress after a break with Dean, in street clothes, hitting a cross body and hammering away on Barrett. I’m assuming this is non-title. A snap suplex gets two on Barrett and we hit the face rip. Barrett comes back with a knee to the ribs and puts on a chinlock, complete with an angry look on his face. Bad News hammers away in the corner but Dean runs him over and fires off right hands of his own to knock Barrett outside. A big dive takes him down again but Barrett takes him inside and clotheslines Dean off the top rope to mess up Ambrose’s bad shoulder again. We take a break with the referee looking at Dean.

Back with both guys still on the floor and Barrett ramming the bad arm into the apron. They head back inside for more arm work until Dean makes a comeback with his good arm. Some right hands have Barrett staggered but he runs into Winds of Change for two. Wasteland is countered into a crucifix but Dean does his bounds off the ropes clothesline to drop Barrett. Dean is feeling the crowd because he’s an awesome face, but Rollins is on the announce table again. The distraction doesn’t work as Barrett is sent to the floor, setting up a double suicide dive from Ambrose. Dean follows Seth into the crowd for the countout at 11:55.

Rating: B-. Nice match here but more importantly Dean is FEELING IT as a face. The guy is just flat out talented and has the awesome visuals that you need to be a star. This feud is starting to make me think of HHH vs. Rock in 1998 and that feud launched both guys into the main event for the rest of their careers. That’s a very, very good sign.

Vickie Guerrero is bringing coffee to the Authority. She runs into Roman Reigns and suggests sugar. Vickie leaves the coffee there and Reigns spikes it with her gone. She sneezes again because that’s her thing now. And people wonder why the writers are mocked.

Here are the Wyatts with something to say. The ladder is set up in the middle of the ring. The cell phones for Wyatt’s entrance make for an awesome visual. Before the match Bray talks about how without power, we’re all just little mice running from the lions in the jungle. Power can be addicting because we all need and crave it. Power will be our downfall though because a powerful is to be respected, but a weak man is less valuable than the dirt he crawls through.

Bray’s game is power and that title is all the power he needs. He wants us to look at Harper and Rowan and judge them as you will. Judge them as you want, because at Money in the Bank, they’re taking the Tag Team Titles from the Usos. Bray crawls under the ladder and says at Money in the Bank, he’ll claim his power and his title. Sheamus interrupts and offers to put his boot down Bray’s throat because it’s time to fight.

Bray Wyatt vs. Sheamus

It’s a brawl to start with both guys getting in their own big shots to the head. Bray takes him down and slugs away with Sheamus in early trouble. Back up and Bray’s suplex is slam is blocked into a suplex from the ticked off pale one. Now it’s his turn to hammer away on Wyatt before dropping him with a running forearm. A middle rope forearm staggers Bray and the fight goes out to the floor. The Family is about to get involved but the Usos come out to even things up as we go to a break.

Back with Sheamus fighting out of a chinlock to continue the brawl before Bray hits the running crossbody for two. Sheamus hits the forearms on the apron but Bray counters White Noise. A powerslam puts Bray down and it’s Brogue Kick time but the Family interferes for the DQ at 11:16.

Rating: C+. This was the Sheamus Special: put him in there with another power brawler and let them beat each other up for awhile. Bray is looking like a step above a dark horse for the title match and I’d love to see him get the title just to see where things go from there. Nice match here and it’s nice to see no one win in a match where both guys should look strong.

Post match the Usos and Sheamus clean house, including using the ladder as a ramp to dive on the Wyatts. Sheamus throws the ladder at the Family’s head and Rowan looked to take it full on in the face.

HHH accidentally knocks his coffee into Vickie’s face. Stephanie gets hers and says it’s good.

After the break, Stephanie is still drinking coffee and talking about how it’s every man for himself when her stomach gets upset. Because her drink is spiked and she needs a bathroom you see, because that’s what a violent and angry man like Roman Reigns does. Paul Heyman comes in to take Stephanie’s interview time and asks about who could win Money in the Bank. He says it’s going to be Cesaro and that’s a spoiler.

Rusev vs. Heath Slater

This time Lana’s speech takes place in the ring. She thinks American men should be ashamed because Rusev keeps running through them and they’re nothing compared to Vladimir Putin. We get a picture of a Russian Mount Rushmore and Rusev can apparently speak English, saying that resistance if futile. Slater actually gets to talk and asks why Lana and Rusev don’t go back to Russia if they love it so much. He’s now the American Rock Star. Heath sactually slugs away to start but runs into a right hand and the jumping superkick. Accolade ends this in 34 seconds.

Vickie is sent in to check on the sick Stephanie and gets vomited on. Vickie is put in charge while the Authority leaves. Screaming ensues. This made me groan out loud.

Reigns goes to see Vickie, who hasn’t cleaned up because, as we learned from Layla last week, showers don’t exist at WWE. Roman says she’ll get fired next week and asks to be put in the battle royal to screw with the Authority. “Fine. YOU’RE IN!” The fans seem very pleased with this.

We get a clip of Kevin Hart’s new movie Think Like A Man Too.

Kevin Hart is talking about the movie when Adam Rose and the Exotic Experience comes in. Rose plugs the movie and says Hart should be a Rosebud. Hart has no idea what he just said but says no. Kevin wants to know why they’re all singing at him and that’s about it.

Adam Rose/Summer Rae vs. Fandango/Layla

Kevin Hart is on commentary. Cole tries to explain why the girls have poured milk and kitty litter on each other and it sounds so ridiculous when you put it into words. The guys get things started as Kevin makes fun of their clothes. Layla tags herself in and we get a catfight but Layla quickly tags out. Summer chases her up the aisle and Rose hits the Party Foul for the pin at 1:25.

Hart joins the Express post match.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: Battle Royal

Titus O’Neil, Damien Sandow, Bo Dallas, Jack Swagger, Diego, Fernando, Curtis Axel, Fandango, Dolph Ziggler, Rusev, Ryback, Sin Cara, Santino Marella, Kofi Kingston, Big E., Roman Reigns, Rob Van Dam, Bad News Barrett, Xavier Woods

Those are all the people on the graphic so there’s a chance I missed a few. Damien is LeBron James because why not. Not that it matters as everyone gets together to put him out ten seconds in. Bo throws Santino out and Rusev does the same thing to both Matadores. Woods gets the same treatment from Rusev and everyone brawls for awhile.

Ziggler is sent to the apron and Reigns eliminates Titus. Swagger puts Sin Cara on the apron before catapulting him out. Kofi can’t get Swagger out and Big E. can’t get rid of Axel. Rusev gets Ziggler to the apron but a kick to the head saves Dolph. Kofi finally gets Swagger out and we take a break. Back with Rusev, Reigns, RVD, Ryback, Ziggler, Fandango, Dallas, Big E., Axel and Barrett still in, meaning Kofi (via Ryback) was the only elimination during the break. Speaking of eliminations, Ryback punches Ziggler out to the floor for his second straight elimination.

Reigns starts cleaning house and even takes Rusev down with a Superman Punch but can’t take care of Ryback that easily. Roman sends Fandango to the apron but has to spear Ryback and Axel down. A kick to the head puts Fandango out and Rusev kicks Reigns in the chest. Big E. dumps Ryback and Reigns throws out Axel. Another kick puts Roman down but Van Dam kicks Rusev in the face. Van Dam and Dallas start fighting but Barrett takes Rob down with a big boot.

Rob comes back with more kicks but Bo shoves him off the corner for a surprise elimination. That could be Bo’s first big feud. Barrett lays out a celebrating Bo and throws him to the apron but Bo hangs on. Nice little call back to the Rumble from a few years ago. Reigns dumps Barrett and Dallas knocks out Big E., but walks into the spear. Dallas is dumped and we’re down to Rusev vs. Roman.

The fans are WAY into this and the slugout is on. Reigns gets the early advantage but walks into a wicked spinwheel kick. They trade running charges in the corner and Reigns puts him on the apron. Some big right hands can’t get rid of the Russian but the Superman Punch sends Reigns to Money in the Bank and the crowd is VERY happy.

Rating: B. I was doubting Reigns for awhile but he’s coming off like a STAR at this point, just like Ambrose. This was a really solid battle royal as there were some good saves and the last bit of the match was really solid stuff. The last pairing is how you should do big matches: take two guys who look unbeatable and have them fight. Notice the reaction and you’ll see why that’s an idea.

John Cena holds up five fingers and knocks down a finger at a time to explain why he should go to Money in the Bank. All that’s left is his index finger, because him being WWE Champion is what’s best for business. Various unfunny references to Stephanie and Vickie were included.

Cameron vs. Paige

Non-title. There’s some story here about Cameron slapping Paige on social media. Paige gets all ticked off to start and throws Cameron around by the hair before driving in some headbutts. Cameron bails to the floor but comes back in with a kick to the ribs and another slap for two. Paige shrugs it off and nails some clotheslines followed by the PTO for the submission at 3:30.

Rating: D. Total snack time match here, but it showed one thing: Cameron is there because she’s annoying on a badly scripted reality show and how she looks in shorts. She couldn’t do even basic stuff competently in there and Paige was carrying everything she could for the match. Nothing to see here and Paige needs better help.

We recap the Rhodes Brothers’ issues. Tonight Cody has found the perfect partner for Goldust. Goldust has met him and says the partner is super and galactic.

Ryback/Curtis Axel vs. Goldust/???

And it’s Cody Rhodes in Goldust paint under the name Star Dust, despite Cody saying it wouldn’t be him last week. The Dusts jump Ryback and Axel to start with Cody hitting a quick DDT on Axel. Ryback is sent to the floor and Cody nails a springboard elbow to Curtis’ head. Something resembling Diamond Dust (ending in a cutter instead of a Stunner) ends Axel at 1:00.

Stephanie helped host the Special Olympics to give her a new charity to work with.

Money in the Bank Qualifying Match: John Cena vs. Kane

Stretcher match which is taking place because Cena is replacing Bryan due to injury. Kane easily takes him down to start and stomps away before taking him down to the floor. Cena is quickly off the stretcher and rams it into Kane’s ribs a few times to take over. A hard whip sends Cena into the steps and another puts him into the post to give the monster control again. John is put on the stretcher but gets off before they get too far up the ramp.

Back from a break with Kane still in control but Cena sends him into a chair. Cena goes up, only to jump into a chokeslam. That doesn’t mean much in a stretcher match though so Kane brings in the steps. John dropkicks the leg out though and Kane’s head slams into the steel. An AA off the steps is countered into a DDT but Cena is still dead weight. Kane can only get the stretcher partially up the ramp before Cena fights back and sends him into the post.

Kane whips Cena into the barricade and loads up the table but gets caught in an AA through said table to put the monster down. He’s still a long way from the stretcher though so Cena wisely puts him in a fireman’s carry. Cena gets him to the stretcher but collapses before he can get Kane on it. Cena finds another stretcher from ringside and gets Kane on it but here are Orton and Rollins to put Cena back in the ring. Why they didn’t put him on a stretcher is beyond me.

An RKO lays Cena out in the ring but Ambrose hits the ring to save Cena from a chair shot. Kane is back up though with a chokeslam to Ambrose, leaving us with the people in the match. Cena low bridges Kane to the floor and looks at the steps. We get the throw the steps spot but Kane mostly blocks them with his hands. He goes down anyway though and puts Kane on the stretcher but Kane sits up at the last second. He grabs Cena by the throat but Cena AA’s him back onto the stretcher to go to Money in the Bank at 15:18.

Rating: C-. These two never really worked all that well together but this wasn’t all that bad. I was thinking they wouldn’t go with Cena there for a second but I wasn’t sure what that would leave him with at the pay per view. Hopefully this gets rid of Kane for awhile as there really isn’t much for him to do right now.

Cena poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: B+. This show got by on energy alone and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. The parts that were good were REALLY good with the Shield stuff in particular knocking it out of the park. Rollins will be solid in his role but Ambrose and Reigns look like superstars already. The ladder match looks great and there are at least five legitimate contenders to win it.

It’s certainly not a perfect show by any means but the bad stuff was kept to a limit tonight. Yeah the stuff with the coffee was dumb and beyond a stretch, but at least the payoff was more than worth it. I have high hopes for Money in the Bank for the first time and above all else: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WON’T BE A BRIEFCASE THIS YEAR! I couldn’t be happier about that so I’ll give the show bonus points. Really solid show this week that brought the goods.

Results
Seth Rollins b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Dean Ambrose interfered
Bad News Barrett b. Dean Ambrose via countout
Sheamus b. Bray Wyatt via DQ when the Wyatt Family interfered
Rusev b. Heath Slater – Accolade
Adam Rose/Summer Rae b. Fandango/Layla – Party Foul to Fandango
Roman Reigns won a battle royal last eliminating Rusev
Paige b. Cameron – PTO
Goldust/Star Dust b. Curtis Axel/Ryback – Diamond Dust to Axel
John Cena b. Kane – Cena pushed Kane over the finish line

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If Rollins was a step up, today is a leap down. Today is Hornswoggle.

After a few years in the Wisconsin independent scene, Hornswoggle was signed to WWE in 2006 and made his in ring debut at No Way Out 2007, under the ring name of Little Bastard.

Finlay/Little Bastard vs. Boogeyman/Little Boogeyman

Yeah it’s a mixed tag match with midgets. I’ll be calling him Horny here and he’s scared to death so he dives under the ring before the other team gets there. JBL says not to call him Little Bastard as his parents’ names are not Mr. and Mrs. Bastard. We go over Horny’s fear of little people as he hides under the ring. JBL: I don’t know what’s under there. There could be a whole colony of Lilliputians under there. HOLY FORESHADOWING BATMAN!

JBL is cracking me up here. “THAT IS THE RING I LOST THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TO JOHN CENA IN AND NOW THERE’S A LEPRECHAUN UNDER IT!!!” Boogeyman gets a fireman’s carry as this is a handicap match to start. JBL calls Cole a non-heterosexual Barry Horowitz. He keeps making jokes about their names and how absurd they are which is rather true.

Little Boogeyman comes in and gets some fat drops to have Finlay in trouble. And then he eats some worms. Horny finally comes in and rolls up his sleeves to fight. Finlay kicks the midget monster in the head. Little Boogeyman gets a small package on Finlay for two. JBL has no idea what to think. Finlay gets a short arm scissors and Little Boogeyman is tapping but it’s not acknowledged for some reason.

Horny pulls the other midget under the ring but when Finlay goes to find him he finds the regular (and I use that term loosely) Boogeyman. Boogey beats on Finlay and I have no idea what I’m watching. A Rocket Launcher from the Boogies gets two as Horny saves. Big Boogeyman chases him off with worms so Finlay can conk the midget with his club that is way too hard to spell for the pin.

Rating: D-. The match was horrible as I hate midgets, but the commentary here was absolutely hysterical. JBL’s deadpan rants about how stupid this was were so perfect and it worked the whole way. Luckily I think the Little Boogeyman was dropped soon after this. All of that being said, check this out for JBL alone.

Then this happened at Great American Bash 2007.

Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki

It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.

This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.

Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.

Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.

Around this time, Hornswoggle was revealed to be Vince McMahon’s illegitimate son. Vince being Vince, he decided that his son needed some tough love, including this match from Survivor Series 2007. as well as stripping him of the Cruiserweight Title.

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want. Now there’s a shoot if there’s ever been one. Horny takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. Horny kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE!

Horny dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn. This ran over three minutes but it doesn’t deserve to be rated. At least this did serve a purpose though, so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

You know what’s better than one midget character? A BUNCH OF THEM! From January 14, 2008 on Raw.

Mini Royal Rumble

This is a five man match and it’s standard Rumble rules with thirty second intervals. The arena is full of smoke due to JBL’s previous segment. Hornswoggle and Mini Mr. Kennedy start. Kennedy can’t reach the microphone for the pre match bit in a comedy spot. Apparently Hornswoggle is already in the regular Royal Rumble along with Mick Foley. Horny gets sent face first into the middle turnbuckle and Mini Mankind is in third. Kennedy stomps a mudhole in him as the fans are totally out of this.

Mankind is about a foot taller than everyone else but Horny blocks Socko and kicks him out. In a surprising power display, Hornswoggle presses Kennedy over the top rope, leaving him alone to face Mini Batista at #4. The rather chubby Batista hits a spear and does signature stuff but has the Batista Bomb countered. JR sounds miserable on commentary. Mini Kane is number five and is the shortest person in the match so far. He nails uppercuts all around but walks into the spinebuster and Batista Bomb.

Not that it matters as Horny kicks Batista low and dumps him, only for Kane to kind of sit up. A middle rope clothesline drops Horny and Kane sets up a chokeslam. JR: “Imagine the elevation.” Horny just glares at him with a look that says “Really?”. A Celtic Cross puts Kane down and there he goes, leaving Hornswoggle alone. Here comes the real Great Khali at #6, despite it being announced at five people. I smell a McMahon. Mini Batista attacks Hornswoggle from behind but Finlay makes the save with the club to knock Khali to the floor, which I guess counts as an elimination.

Rating: F. Oh just….no.

This whole thing had to lead to this. From February 11, 2008 on Raw.

Hornswoggle vs. Vince McMahon

No DQ. This is a result of Horny biting Vince last week instead of joining his club. Vince shoves him down to start and poses. Horny can’t reach Vince’s hands for a test of strength so Vince gets on his knees and offers a free shot. The arm is pulled back but Horny can’t do it at first.

That only lasts a few seconds until he finally slaps Vince, so the dad takes off his belt for a whipping. Finlay comes out to defend his buddy so Vince threatens to fire him and ruin Finlay’s family. Vince leans down to yell at Hornswoggle about what a coward Finlay is and shoves the litle guy down. Finlay blasts Vince in the head with the club and Horny hits a Tadpole Splash for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was an angle instead of a match. For the life of me I’m not sure who thought this story was a good idea, but Kennedy getting Wellnessed caused us to have to sit through all this nonsense. Finlay never really got a big push out of it either, which is really kind of surprising.

It would soon be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father so the two formed a team. Here’s a Tag Team Title shot for them at Night of Champions 2008.

Smackdown Tag Titles: John Morrison/Miz vs. Finlay/Hornswoggle

Please make it short. They already did that didn’t they? Do I need to explain to you why this is a dumb match? And the fans pop for the challengers because that’s what Satan told them to do. The tall guy and the Monday Night Delight start us off. Ross and Foley are a weird pairing on commentary. Horny is listed at 4’4. Why did Vince wonder why we didn’t like the company in 08?

We do get a spot that I haven’t seen before as Morrison jumps over the rope and gets crotched on the ring skirt. I’ve never seen that before. Finlay starts throwing Horny into Miz and Morrison as a projectile. This is a comedy match that forgot the comedy. How weird is it to think that two years later Miz could be a potential MITB winner? I wouldn’t be surprised if he won it. Miz and Morrison were really starting to get good here but wouldn’t hit their stride for a few more months.

Horny comes in and beats up Miz, hitting a Stunner and a bulldog. None of these do anything of course since HE IS TINY. The problem becomes clear here very soon: the heels have to either beat up Horny or have him get the hot tag. Finlay beats up everyone after such a tag and the fans care for some reason. Horny goes up for the splash and Morrison finally realizes how stupid this is and more or less chokeslams him to the mat, ending this annoyance.

Rating: D. I mean seriously, it’s a midget and an old man against a good and young team. Was this really the best option they had? They wanted this to make this a serious match and it just completely failed. It was a hybrid comedy match and mess and just didn’t work. They wanted Horny to be something serious and it just didn’t work so of course they kept going with it forever.

We’ll jump ahead to April 21, 2009 when Hornswoggle was on ECW. This is his final appearance on the show before going to Raw and he said (remember that for later) that he wanted to wrestle. Tyson Kidd objected so here’s the result.

Natalya vs. Hornswoggle

Horny does a Warrior rope shake while Natalya makes fun of him. The test of strength spot annoys Hornswoggle again so he bites her tights and gets two off a spear. Tyson tries to interfere but Finlay cuts him off, allowing Horny to roll Natalya up for a quick pin.

Next up was a long and stupid feud against Chavo Guerrero Jr. where the guests hosts of Raw made one gimmick after another, including Chavo being having his arm tied behind his back or boxing. On July 27, 2009, he was blindfolded.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Hornswoggle

A kick by Horny knocks Chavo to the floor and it takes awhile for him to get back in. We get the required cornering the referee spot before Horny gets two off a rollup. The little guy hammers away even more until Chavo pulls the hood up and hits a dropkick. He can’t see for the cover though and the crowd is already annoyed. Horny gets up but lays back down, so Chavo tries a frog splash. Horny goes to the apron, Chavo misses the splash, Tadpole Splash gets the pin. Chavo lost every single match in this feud.

We’ll jump ahead again as Hornswoggle didn’t wrestle full time. Next up is Smackdown, December 10, 2010. Hornswoggle had been named the official mascot of Smackdown and would face Jack Swagger’s mascot, the Swagger Soaring Eagle.

Hornswoggle vs. Soaring Eagle

Rosa comes out with Horny. The Eagle is billed at 6’0 tall and with a wingspan of 5’0. This is so stupid. Please make this be quick. Striker lists off facts about eagles before Horny pulls out a bag of, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, ACME (spelled wrong) birdseed. The eagle (allegedly Chavo) goes for it and gets kicked in the head. Rosa hands Horny a napkin which he tucks into his shirt and bites the Eagle’s leg.

Would anyone be opposed to some fast forwarding here? The Eagle misses Ballin (shoot me now….please) and the Tadpole Splash ends this at 2:28. Cole gets in two good lines at the end though. As Horny goes up for the splash, “GET OUT OF THE WAY! YOU’RE ENDANGERED!” and the second being singing Fly Like An Eagle by the Steve Miller Band, even though the Eagle wasn’t the one flying. Was there ANY point to this?

Another jump of nearly a year brings us to Smackdown, November 29, 2011. It’s the Holiday Special and Horny is in the Make A Wish battle royal, where the winner gets anything he wants.

Battle Royal

There are twenty people in this and I’ll let you figure out who all is in it yourselves. I see Mahal, Slater, the Usos, Jackson, Sheamus, O’Neil, Watson, DiBiase, Hunico, Reks, Gabriel, Kidd and Horny. Sheamus is by far the biggest name in this. Hawkins and Young are in there. Young is out quickly as is I think Jey Uso. JTG is in this and as soon as I say this he’s eliminated. DiBiase and Gabriel try to get Hawkins out but can’t quite do it. Kofi and Yoshi Tatsu are in this and I think that’s everyone.

There goes Hawkins at the hands of Big Zeke. We get the showdown with Jackson and Sheamus with with pale One beating him down. Jackson sets for a big clotheline but Sheamus ducks to put him out. Johnny Curtis was the 20th guy in there and Sheamus puts him out easily. Kofi puts out the other Uso but Kidd dropkicks Kingston out seconds later.

Tatsu is gone and Kidd skins the cat and pulls out DiBiase at the same time. Horny slips out from the floor and pulls Kidd out. We take a break with about 8 people left. Back with eight people left: O’Neil, Hunico, Gabriel, Mahal, Reks, Sheamus, Slater and Horny. Gabriel tries to jump on the apron but Mahal knocks him to the floor. Clash of the Titus puts Reks down but he barks too much and Sheamus puts him out. Dang it I wanted him to wish for NXT to end.

Slater and Mahal jump Sheamus but he explodes and beats everyone down. Everyone goes to the floor through the ropes and beats Sheamus down. No one is in the ring at the moment. Ok so now everyone but Sheamus is in. It’s Mahal, Hunico, Slater and Reks. Mahal says we need to go find Horny. They all pick a side of the ring and dive under the ring. Mahal catches him and it’s 4-1. Slater shoves him down as does Hunico.

They all carefully stomp him but before the toss him Sheamus is back in. There goes Reks and Hucio is out as well. Mahal is out and a Brogue Kick puts Slater down. Ok so it’s Horny vs. Sheamus. Oh good grief. Horny says bring it on and Sheamus isn’t sure what to say. He tells Horny to get out but Horny tells him to get out. He kicks Sheamus in the shins but Sheamus grabs him by the beard and starts putting him out but Horny grabs the top rope. Sheamus gets on the apron and detatches him but Horny won’t get off the apron. Sheamus tries to talk to him and they hug, but Horny shoves him off for the win at 13:25.

Rating: C+. This was fun until the end, when it just got stupid. Why in the world would have put Horny over here for the sake of a comedy bit? Well at least this is for an obscure prize instead of something like a title shot so it could be a lot worse. Ok maybe not a lot worse but it could be worse.

From later in the show.

Ricardo hits on the Bellas at the party as Piper talks to Dusty. They’re talking about Cena and Dusty thinks it’s ridiculous to think the fans are going to get to Cena. Santa comes up and sits down for Horny to ask for his wish. There’s something about celery, Jonas Salk, Peter Falk and chalk. Foley has it wrong and it’s that Horny wants to TALK. They hug and Horny can speak. He goes around using his new powers and calls Vickie a grandma. Foley pops up in a Cactus Jack shirt and Santa is gone. Piper and Dream have no idea what’s going on and I don’t really want the answer.

From Smackdown, April 19, 2013.

Great Khali/Natalya/Hornswoggle vs. Epico/Primo/Rosa Mendes

We actually get a reason for this match: Epico/Primo/Rosa stole Horny’s parking spot earlier and there’s video to prove it. I’ve heard worse. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head but I’ve heard worse. Nattie takes Rosa down to start but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Rosa comes back with a kick to the back and a chinlock but Natalya fights back with a clothesline. Off to Epico and Khali with the giant hitting some hard chops in the corner. Primo tries to help but gets sent into the same corner as Epico for simultaneous chops. Horny annoys Rosa into a chase and Khali hits the Punjabi Plunge to pin Epico at 3:18.

Rating: D. Rosa was basically in half of a swimsuit and a vest so it doesn’t fail based on that alone. That’s about the extent of the good parts of the match though as none of these are people I care to see. At the end of the day they’re fighting over a parking lot, but how many people can’t get on television? Remarkable.

Hornswoggle would join 3MB in 2014 because COMEDY, leading to a feud with Los Matadores and their mascot El Torito. This set up Wee LC at Extreme Rules 2014.

Pre-Show: El Torito vs. Hornswoggle

This is the WeeLC match which exists for reasons beyond my comprehension and you win by pinfall/submission. There are mini versions of all three commentators, a mini referee and a mini ring announcer. Torito hammers away to start but dives onto the other Band members. Horny can’t manage a dive and Torito pulls out a chair. That’s no good for some reason so it’s off to a mini chair. A headstand in the corner sets up a Bronco Buster and here’s Mahal to interfere.

Torito crotches him on the top rope and sends Horny face first into Mahal’s groin. Horny takes Torito down and we get two sizes of stepladders brought in. Horny goes to the top of the bigger one but gets nervous so Torito lays down for him. Thankfully he moves when Horny tries a splash and we take a break. I really question the need for commercials for events airing on a service that I’ve already purchased to watch the show the commercials are airing on.

Back with 3MB and Los Matadores brawling on the floor. The commentators names: JB Elf, Jerry Smaller and Micro Cole. Torito gets slammed down for two and rolls out to the floor, only to be slammed down. Horny loads up the mini announce table (standing about two feet off the ground) and drops an elbow to drive Torito through. Fans: THIS IS AWESOME! Back inside with 3MB setting up a 6ft ladder and another mini table as Horny hits Torito with the mini chair.

The chair winds up hitting Heath low by mistake, knocking him through some full sized tables on the floor. Torito saves himself from being suplexed through a pile of tables and ladders at ringside as the Matadores make the save. Instead Torito DRIVES ALL THREE GUYS THROUGH THE LADDERS AND CHAIRS! Torito is laid on a full table outside and Drew misses a great looking flip dive for a crash of his own. Back inside and a springboard seated senton through a table gives El Torito the pin at 10:48.

Rating: A+. Do I even need to explain this one? One note: I really hope WWE lets this one be instead of trying to top it over and over again and driving the gimmick into the ground. You had an entertaining match. Be happy with that and maybe have another one down the road, but don’t try to make this something important on Raw every few weeks or it dies in a hurry.

Yeah he’s a comedy guy, but people forget that Hornswoggle can have a good match under the right circumstances. He isn’t a great worker or anything like that, but kids like him and he sells merchandise so there’s nothing wrong with keeping him around. Hornswoggle is reminiscent of Eugene: he’s fine if you don’t take him too seriously but when you put him in a major storyline, people lose interest. Stuff like the WeeLC match was hilarious though and that’s the kind of stuff he’s great at.

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We’ll pick things up a bit today with Seth Rollins.

Black got his start in a local promotion in Iowa under the name Gixx. I actually have his debut match here from sometime in 2003.

Gixx vs. Jerkel

I really hope I just couldn’t understand the other guy’s name. Apparently this is 2/3 falls for no apparent reason. They lock up to start and kick at each other without breaking the grip. Jerkel hits some nice armdrags but Gixx blocks a spinwheel kick and puts on a front facelock. Back up and Jerkel gets low bridged to the floor, and since this is an indy in the early 2000s, Gixx follows him out with a big flip dive.

Back in and Gixx jumps into a boot to the face to knock him to the floor, setting up a big spinning dive off the top. Totally unnecessary spins and the fans didn’t seem to care all that much. They head inside again with Circle stomping away, only to have Gixx nail a big kick to send him outside. Gixx brings him back in for a double underhook piledriver for two, because why should a big move win a fall like that?

Jerkel comes back with a DDT for two of his own before hammering away on the back of Gixx’s head. Gixx rolls through a top rope cross body for two before hitting a dropkick to the back of the head. A pair of neckbreakers by Jerkel set up a choke of some sort but Gixx slaps the mat to get the crowd on his side. An Angle Slam into another neckbreaker gets the first fall for Jerkel.

No break between falls as Jerkel hammers away to start the second. Jerkel crotches himself on the middle rope and gets caught with a reverse DDT allowing Gixx to miss a top rope flip dive by literally six feet. We hit the chinlock from Jerkel for a few moments before Gixx is sent to the apron. He bounces up for a bad looking springboard neckbreaker and two, followed by an AA onto his knee. A standing shooting star gets another near fall as this just keeps going.

Jerkel gets two off a spinwheel kick and a kind of suplex that I couldn’t see because the referee was in the way. Gixx grabs a hurricanrana that Jerkel was nice enough to stand perfectly still for and things stop for awhile. Back in and Jerkel hits a way overdone headscissors for two folowed by a running senton to the back for the same. Gixx escapes a top rope hurricanrana and hits a tornado DDT for one as the match still won’t end. A collision puts both guys down before they slug it out.

Gixx reverses whatever stupid spin Jerkel was trying to do into a spinning Cross Rhodes for the second fall. A top rope hurricanrana (looked bad) sends Gixx flying and the camera focuses on a very fat man who has come down to ringside. Apparently this is a big deal and he says if they want to mean something in SCW, follow him. Gixx goes to follow him but Jerkel punches the female referee down before leaving with the fat guy. Seriously, that’s how the match ends.

Rating: F. Oh sweet goodness I hate myself now. I don’t even know where to start on this mess. First of all, the ending was ridiculous as they basically said screw the match and start I guess a heel stable. After FIFTEEN MINUTES that’s the best they can come up with? Also, this was the opening match of the show. You’re supposed to open a show with something quick and exciting, not something WAY too long with a gimmick that didn’t need to be there and a mess like this. It’s the definition of a spotfest in every bad sense of the term. I haven’t been this miserable in a match in a very long time and can’t wait to watch ANYTHING else.

Next up was a spot in WSX, where he would be in action under his most famous name at the time: Tyler Black. From February 13, 2007.

Team DIFH vs. Disco Machine/Joey Magnum Ryan

DIFH is Tyler Black/Jimmy Jacobs and stands for Doing It For Her, since Jacobs is in love with some chick. Black gets double teamed to start while Jacobs is hitting on a girl in the front row. Tyler comes back in with a great looking springboard double clothesline before throwing Jacobs into the corner. A doomsday rana takes Ryan down but he takes a distracted Black down. Black comes back with a sunset bomb attempt but there go Ryan’s trunks. Joey spears Black through the ropes and Disco powerslams Jacobs off the middle rope for two. Too short to rate but Black stole the show.

We’re going to jump ahead a good bit to Tyler Black’s time in ROH. He’s one of the top young stars in the company at this point and made it to the Survival of the Fittest finals in 2009.

Survival of the Fittest Finals: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Chris Hero vs. Delirious vs. Roderick Strong vs. Colt Cabana vs. Tyler Black

Now for those of you that haven’t heard of Delirious, this guy is freaking INSANE. He babbles incoherently and has been known to wrestle matches in slow motion. What does that tell you? Oh and he’s awesome in the ring by the way. He and Punk had an AWESOME match in I think IWA-MS that got me into both guys.

The cool thing about this for me is I legitimately don’t know who is going to win. Most of the time I know the results but here I’m completely blank on them. Black sells the injury to his neck from earlier on the way in which is nice. I hope there are tags in this.
Claudio and Hero used to be in a team that dominated indy tag wrestling for awhile called the Kings of Wrestling and Delirious and Black were in the Age of the Fall together. Ah good it is tagging. Delirious, Strong and Hero have all won. Black and Delirious start, and my money is on Black to win it.

They start with a lot of technical stuff before Cabana comes in for Black. Let the comedy begins. Black is criticized for never being able to win the big one, which is a common criticism that there was for ROH. I’m not going to list off all the tags as they’re going rather fast. We get Castagnoli vs. Hero, which is a battle of the skyscrapers in ROH as both guys are 6’5, which is enormous in this company.

A thing I like about indy wrestling is you can use other stuff than signature moves in a match. For example, they trade full nelsons. That move makes sense, but in WWE no one but Masters can use it. See what I mean? Now I don’t mean everyone uses the FU or the Pedigree, but a transitional move like the spinebuster shouldn’t be only reserved for HHH and two other guys.

In a WEIRD looking spot, both guys interlock their legs and then wind up standing on their heads. They shake hands while in this position. That’s rather…uh…yeah. It’s Black and Claudio now as we’re definitely in for the long haul here. Everyone is still in at this point. Prazak is in love with Hero I think. He refuses to shut up about how awesome he is. In a PAINFUL looking spot Claudio spins Black around by the hair.

That has to hurt badly. In a great sequence that gets the crowd going, Delirious drills Claudio with about 10 clotheslines in the corner before Hero saves him. Cabana comes in and we get a mini tag match. The Kings of Wrestling are thrown to the floor and get stereo suicide dives, but then Strong and Black get in and launch themselves over the top rope at both guys. Very awesome and fast paced spot.

It’s Delirious vs. Claudio now and the crazy masked man is in trouble. In a movie I haven’t seen before, Claudio uses a hip toss from the second rope. That’s different if nothing else. I like Hero’s facial expressions. Delirious goes for a backslide on Claudio but Hero knocks the European’s head off with the elbow, allowing Delirious to get the backslide and the pin. Immediately as in less than 5 seconds later, he rolls up Cabana and we’re down to four. I’ll give this match this much: it’s not boring.

After an elbow from Hero he covers Delirious and the referee does that same thing he did earlier on with the count stopping at two even though the kickout hasn’t happened yet. We hit a messy segment and Strong hits a big kick into the chest of Delirious to put him out. Immediately after he kicks out of the elbow from Hero and a Liger Bomb.

We have Strong, Hero and Black left in case you weren’t sure. If I remember right Strong is known as the Messiah of the Backbreaker, as he uses a ton of them. That’s unique if nothing else. Hero and Black just pound the tar out of each other with forearms. And there goes Hero to a move called God’s Last Gift. Think of a Perfectplex but instead it’s a really compact DDT where he just hooks the legs into a small package for the pin. I like that.

So it’s Strong vs. Black for the title. Works for me. Black gets a NICE flying elbow from the top for two. They’re cranking up the speed here and I’m digging this. Strong hits a bunch of backbreakers and then we hit the Strong Hold: a Boston Crab. That’s psychology, even though Black has a bad neck. It’s passable though as his finisher is a back submission.

Strong gets knocked into the crowd and Black goes up with a flying clothesline into about the third row. I love the shot of the fans just moving backwards for them. I like that for some reason. I love Black’s springboards. He doesn’t use a bunch flips or anything but just launches himself at Strong. We’re back in the Strong Hold and the fans chant tap.

Somehow he kicks out and then Black hits his two finishers for two. This is great stuff here. Strong gets the loudest kick to the back of Black’s head that I’ve ever heard. Fans are WAY into this. Strong just goes insane on Black with knee shots and an AWESOME kick to the head for TWO.

The kicking out is getting to be a bit much here. I get the survival thing, but this is getting to be a bit much. Ok yeah three straight superkicks gets two. The fourth gets it but Strong kicked out anyway, so the fans boo the finish. That’s never good. Black wins and then gets on the mic and says thank you to Strong in a cool moment. He then says that Cornette was wrong. These guys aren’t the future, but the future is now, and Strong deserves a rematch to end the show.

Rating: A-. This was about 45 minutes long and awesome throughout. The fans were way into it and by the end I was buying into it also. The key thing for me was that all 6 guys looked like potential winners and while based on the way Black had been built up throughout the night it was kind of clear he would win, it was never a lock, which makes the match instantly better. Very fun stuff here and while I usually don’t like multi-man matches, this was an exception, which is saying a lot for me.

Black would soon win the World Title and defend it at Bitter Friends Stiffer Enemies 2.

ROH World Title: Chris Hero vs. Tyler Black

Hero is one half of the tag champions here. Black is mostly over. I’ve only seen a little of him but he’s not bad. Hero is solid of course so this should be pretty good. Hero is doing the whole knockout forearm thing where his arm is likely loaded in some way. The fans seem to like Chris more.

Allegedly Black is starting to feel the pressure of being champion which says HEEL TURN to me but whatever. It’s all Black to start us off here. See WWE? See how to make a champion look strong? Is it really that hard to do? I certainly wouldn’t think so. Hero does something very innovative and just grabs Tyler’s face. Actually it’s not innovative as George Steele did it at Mania 2 to Savage so there we are.

We even get basic heel cheating from Hagadorn on the floor. Hero is whipping Rollins all over the place at the moment. Hero kicks him on the floor and Black just collapses in a great visual. This match is just kind of plodding along but I’d bet that we have a lot to go in it so I guess that’s fine. Also I’m expecting the whole finisher-fest to start up in about ten minutes here.

Hero REALLY likes arguing with the referee. Here comes the first comeback and there goes Black as he gets knocked to the floor by a big old elbow smash. He stays on the floor to ten and then I remember that we go to twenty which is just not something I’m anywhere close to being used to. He got popped in the jaw by an elbow and covered for two when he got back in at 19 so there we are.

There is absolutely no feeling of drama in this at all. It’s just not there. Black throws him to the floor where his head slams into the railing. A nice somersault plancha takes Hero down as we hit the floor for I believe the third time tonight. Both guys try springboard moves but neither work at all. The fans again think it’s awesome and again I have to disagree.

Black signals for the superkick by stomping on the mat so thankfully Hero blocks it. I’ve always hated that whole stomping or clapping thing as it just acts as a way to get the other guy knowing what’s coming. Hero hooks a Cravate (headlock from the side. Think of the start of a snapmare kind of) and then he lifts him up and uses it as a neck crank. NICE LOOKING move.

Hero keeps using the elbow which makes the big elbow smash as his finisher seem a bit weaker. We slug it out in the middle of the ring and Hero asks why Black won’t go down. Black punches him in the face. I love that. Black busts out an F5 in a nice move. We go to the corner and they slug it out for position but Hero gets caught in a Tree of Woe. DOUBLE STOMP OFF THE TOP!

Nice one again as that looked like it hurt like heck. They’ve cranked it WAY up in the last 4 minutes or so. Black’s eyes are great here as they just roll back in his head here. The spinning elbow hits twice and Black kicks out to almost no reaction. See what I mean? No one thinks the title is going to change here.

The crowd is FAR more pro-Hero than Black. Black hits the Buckle Bomb as apparently the knockout shot didn’t have much effect on him I suppose. The third doesn’t even knock him down as Black hits the superkick immediately afterwards in a last gasp of breath which is pure AJPW stuff which I can’t complain about.

Another superkick gets another two. Yeah they’re doing more strikes here like in the Strong match but this is more entertaining for some reason. Hagadorn interference doesn’t work and a small package driver (God’s Last Gift which is a good name) ends it. In something that made me laugh for no apparent reason, Black gets Hero’s tag title and throws it to him, but has to make sure it’s the right belt first. Not sure why but that made me laugh.

Rating: B+. The ending 8 minutes or so made this match as they were entertaining enough for a high grade. However it once again falls under the problem I tend to have with big ROH matches: while they’re entertaining, there’s this level that they reach and then they stop. At the end for instance, Hero and Black started just hammering each other and while it was entertaining, you could feel them hit the ceiling and you knew it wasn’t going to get past it. A great match is one that reaches that point and then blows past it moments later. I’ve never gotten that in an ROH match and it’s a recurring problem in this company.

Black would soon go to the WWE as Seth Rollins, making his FCW debut on October 24, 2010.

Seth Rollins vs. Vance Archer

Rollins stares Archer down to start so Vance kicks him in the face to take over. Back up and Seth has to bail out of a dropkick but backflips to land on his feet. A powerbomb is countered by a Rollins hurricanrana but Archer knocks him off the top and out to the floor. Back in and a kick to the chest has Rollins in trouble and we hit the chinlock. Something like a Rock Bottom into a Stunner (Archer sit down instead of laying out) gets two on Seth and Vince is getting annoyed.

We hit the chinlock for a bit before Archer misses a legdrop. Seth comes back with some shots to the head and a one knee Codebreaker followed by a kick to the back of the head. Archer bails to the floor but gets caught by a runnung flip dive for two back inside. A Lionsault misses so Seth hits a running shooting star for two. Archer hiptosses him off the middle rope but misses a moonsault, allowing Seth to hit a low superkick (Avada Kedavra) for the pin.

Rating: C. Not a great match here but it was good enough for a debut. The low superkick (great name too) was a solid finisher for someone of Rollins’ size and Archer was a good foil for him. This was so much better than the Gixx match as Seth had learned how to structure a match and actually sell stuff.

Rollins would become the Florida 15 Champion, meaning all of his title defense would be in 15 minute Iron Man matches. Here’s such a defense from FCW TV on July 31, 2011.

FCW 15 Title: Seth Rollins vs. Rick Victor

They trade rollups to start before Rollins chops away in the corner. Some leg work doesn’t get Rollins very far though as he walks into a hot shot and Rick slaps on a chinlock. Back up and Rollins scores with some clotheslines and a suplex followed by a downward spiral into the buckle. The curb stomp gives Rollins the first fall at 4:00 in.

We take a break and come back with 8:45 on the clock and the score tied at 1-1 due to Victor hitting a running elbow in the corner. Rick puts on a chinlock for a bit until Seth fights up from his knees, only to be put in a sleeper. Back up again and Seth nails an enziguri followed by a springboard clothesline to send Rick out to the floor. Dean Ambrose, who has been wanting a title shot, is watching from the back. Rollins dives outside in something we didn’t see and both guys are down.

Back inside and a standing Lionsault press gets two for the champion but Rick takes him to the top rope. Five minutes to go. Victor can’t superplex him but Rollins can’t sunset bomb Rick. Victor escapes a buckle bomb with four minutes left before sending Rollins face first into the buckle. Rollins comes back with a rollup for a fast pin, even though Victor’s shoulder was up.

Three minutes left and they slug it out until Victor hits Winds of Change into a backbreaker for two. There are less than two minutes left when Rick hits a wicked running uppercut for another two and we’ve got a minute to go. Seth gets crotched on the ropes and hit with a springboard uppercut for an even closer two. Rollins breaks the count by getting his foot and hand on the ropes. Victor runs into two knees in the corner and time runs out to give Rollins the win.

Rating: C+. I could get into this gimmick if they gave it some time on a show like this. It would never work on WWE TV but for a developmental territory it’s a nice little gimmick title. Rollins was getting much better as the small underdog who makes the most of every move he uses and he would make that an art in the future.

This is a match that could headline a PPV today. From January 12, 2012.

Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins

Reigns is known as Leakee here but that looks better as a title. The winner gets a title shot next week. Ambrose stops to look at William Regal, who he’s been having a long feud with at this point. We’ll get there eventually. Leakee pulls Dean down as Regal talks about how glad he is that his children don’t have evil in their eyes. Rollins gets double teamed but Leakee slams both of their faces into the mat to take over.

Now it’s Leakee getting double teamed as we take a break. Back with Leakee still being double teamed as Regal talks about how great it is for he and Ambrose to be evil but he’s trying to control his hatred. Ambrose rolls Rollins up for two before getting sent to the floor. Leakee knocks Rollins out of the air for two but Ambrose takes Leakee down into the Regal Stretch as part of an obsession with getting a rematch. Leakee makes the ropes but Rollins springboards in with a clothesline to Dean. The low superkick sends Leakee to the floor but Dean counters another attempt into a wheelbarrow slam for two. Ambrose misses a knee trembler (Regal’s finisher) and Rollins hammers away, only to miss the curb stomp.

Instead he dives through the ropes to take out Leakee before heading back inside to slug it out with Dean. Regal admits that he knows Ambrose will be the end of him as Ambrose turns Rollins inside out with a clothesline. Leakee comes in and Samoan drops both guys at the same time before Checkmate (a running bulldog, a terrible finisher for him) ends Ambrose for the pin.

Rating: C+. All this really did was make me want to watch Ambrose vs. Regal in a match that tears the house down and shows more emotion than anything WWE has done in years because they’re both old school workers like that. The match itself was your usual triple threat. Leakee changing finishers was the best idea he could have had.

FCW would soon turn into NXT and Rollins would be a big deal there too. He would advance to the finals of the Gold Rust tournament to crown the first NXT Champion. Here’s the title match from August 29, 2012.

NXT Championship: Jinder Mahal vs. Seth Rollins

They have a ton of time for this. Fink may be fat and older now (he’s only 62 so he’s hardly ancient), but that voice is still perfect. Mahal won’t shake Dusty’s hand before the match. Rollins tries to take him to the mat to start but Mahal gets back up quickly. A dropkick puts Mahal down again and Rollins hits a hard chop. Mahal gets sent to the floor but he avoids a dive and sends Rollins face first into the apron. A suplex onto the ramp has Rollins in trouble and we head back in.

We take a break and come back with Rollins in even more trouble. Mahal stomps him down and hits a backbreaker to start setting up the camel clutch. Rollins gets choked against the ropes and the fans are behind Rollins now. He tries a comeback but gets kneed in the face by Mahal to take him back down. The camel clutch is escaped so Mahal pounds him in the back again. An enziguri out of nowhere puts Mahal down and Rollins punches Jinder down.

Mahal goes up for another knee but Rollins knocks him off the top and out to the floor. Rollins hits a HUGE dive to the floor and both guys are down. Back in and Seth goes up again, only to get crotched and superplexed from the top. We take another break and come back with the two of them slugging it out. Mahal might have a bad knee but he pulls off a sitout slam for two. A full nelson slam is countered and Rollins goes to the apron.

Seth hits an enziguri to the head and a running knee for two. The near falls are getting closer and closer here. A running forearm in the corner staggers Mahal but he manages to drop Rollins face first into the buckle. The low superkick (I think he calls it Avada Kadavra, making Rollins awesome) gets two. Phoenix Splash (moonsault into a 450) misses and Mahal hits the full nelson slam for two. Rollins gets to the rope before the clutch can go on and Rollins rolls him up for two. Rollins comes back with the buckle bomb and the Blackout out of nowhere for the pin and the title at 14:24 shown of 21:24.

Rating: B. I’m still not wild on Rollins’ in ring work but the fans are into him and he’s not dull. He also needs a new finisher as the Blackout looks pretty forced to put it mildly. As for the match though, they did a great job of building both guys up as unbeatable and then having them go at it. The match was very good as far as making you wonder who was going to win and it turned into a good back and forth fight at the end. Not a masterpiece or anything, but for the first NXT Championship, this was more than acceptable.

Fink giving Rollins the NEEEEEEEEEEEEEW treatment makes the announcement much better. The roster puts Rollins on their shoulders to end the show.

Of course Rollins would debut as part of the Shield in late 2012 and run roughshod over WWE for years to come. Here’s one of their first steps, from Extreme Rules 2013.

Tag Titles: Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins vs. HELL NO

This is Texas Tornado rules, meaning all four men are in the ring at the same time. The fact that there were some deaths a few days ago due to tornadoes in Texas makes this bad timing for this gimmick. Kane and Bryan are defending. It’s a big brawl to start as you would expect with the champions taking over. Bryan puts Rollins in the surfboard and Kane adds in a low dropkick for two.

Kane gets double teamed down in the corner and then Bryan gets the same treatment. Reigns loads up a powerbomb off the middle rope but Bryan counters into a rana to put everyone down. Kane grabs both Shield members by the throat before shoving them to the floor, allowing Bryan to hit the suicide dive to take both guys out. The champions take turn hitting clotheslines on both guys in the corners before Kane hits the top rope clothesline on Rollins, allowing Bryan to hit the Flying Goat for two.

Bryan gets the NO Lock on Reigns but Rollins finally makes the save. A chokeslam puts Rollins down but Roman catches Kane with the spear. Back up and Reigns shoves Kane into Bryan, only to get caught around the throat. Seth comes in off the top with a knee to Kane’s head, allowing Reigns to hit a second spear. Bryan makes the save but can’t get the NO Lock on Reigns. Rollins makes the save so Reigns can put Bryan in a torture rack. Seth comes off the top with a knee to the chest, good for the pin and the titles at 7:24.

Rating: C+. Again this was ok but nothing great. They could have used another five to ten minutes here but for some reason they’re flying through these matches tonight. Shield winning was the only logical conclusion as there was nothing left for Bryan/Kane to do with the belts at this point. Decent but not great here.

Rollins has had some singles matches on Raw as well, including this one from August 26, 2013.

Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk

It’s non-title despite Axel challenging him for a title match on Smackdown and Punk saying “I accept.” The third option of Heyman having to face Punk if Axel loses wins with 81% of the vote. Punk goes right after Axel and grabs a headlock but can’t hit the GTS. Axel bails to the floor so Punk charges up the ramp at Heyman, allowing Curtis to get in a cheap shot. Back in and Punk escapes a chinlock and gets two off the knee in the corner. Axel rolls to the floor before the Macho Elbow can be launched but Punk hits the suicide dive as we take a break.

Back with Axel hitting a clothesline to the back of the head for two as Heyman is looking more confident. Punk comes back with kicks to the legs and back followed by a middle rope cross body for two. Axel snaps off a slingshot belly to back suplex for two followed by a snap Saito suplex for the same. Punk grabs a neckbreaker and the Macho Elbow gets two. The GTS is countered into a McGillicutter for another two count but the second attempt at the GTS is good for the pin at 10:52.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but the ending shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s not like Axel is allowed to win non-title matches and there was no way he was going to win a match over Punk without shenanigans. Still though, not a terrible match or anything but it was part of a story instead of a match.

And this one from December 30, 2013.

Seth Rollins vs. CM Punk

Rollins bails to the floor from an early GTS attempt and we take a break 20 seconds in. Back with Rollins taking Punk into the corner but coming out with an elbow to the jaw. The announcers talk about the potential split in the Shield as Punk tries a sunset flip out of the corner but there’s no Rollins there. They do the spot again with Punk swinging around the ropes to put Rollins in the Anaconda Vice. CM lets go of the hold and slams Punk down to take over.

Punk sends Rollins into the corner and tries a small package but they botch every bit of it with Rollins stumbling around instead of going down. We hit the reverse chinlock from Rollins as he stays on the back. Rollins stomps Punk down for two and it’s off to a regular chinlock. Punk fights up and suplexes Rollins down but gets knocked off the apron as we take a break. Back with Punk missing a charge into the corner to injure his shoulder and stop a comeback.

Rollins goes up but misses a backsplash, allowing Punk to get two more off a rollup. Punk comes back with the running knee in the corner but Rollins catches him coming and throws Punk into a buckle bomb. The Blackout misses but Seth enziguris him down for two. Reigns slaps the mat and tells Rollins to end this so Seth loads up a GTS, only to be shoved away and hit with a running knee against the ropes. Punk tries the Macho Elbow but Rollins rolls away, only to have Shield pull Punk face first into the middle buckle.

Seth goes up but gets crotched, only to block a Punk superplex attempt. Rollins hits a high cross body but Punk rolls through into the Anaconda Vice. Ambrose comes in but makes no contact so the match continues. Punk tries the GTS but Rollins reverses into the standing Sliced Bread. The referee is with Shield so the count is delayed and just gets two. Punk backdrops Rollins onto Ambrose and Reigns but Rollins blocks a suicide dive attempt. Seth tries a sunset flip but Punk catches him on the shoulders and puts Seth to sleep for the pin at 18:12.

Rating: B-. The match was solid and continued to make Rollins look great but there were some bad moments with the small package standing out. It’s still good stuff and with so many people gone, they had to have long matches like this to fill in the time. The Shield split should be interesting to watch.

Off to Smackdown just before Wrestlemania, from March 14, 2014.

Damien Sandow vs. Seth Rollins

This is joined in progress after a break with Seth in full control. Sandow gets in a few shots and Rollins heads outside for a second. Back in and Seth does his backflip in the corner into the downward spiral into the middle buckle. A running forearm in the corner sets up a dropkick but Sandow gets outside to avoid the top rope Black Out. Shield distracts him so Seth can hit a suicide dive, followed by the Black Out for the pin at 2:27. The announcers spent the match arguing about this being a conspiracy.

And this last one from after Rollins’ heel turn on June 6, 2014.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins

Seth chokes him against the ropes to start but Ziggler comes back with right hands in the corner. A quick suplex gets two for Rollins and he pulls on Dolph’s hair for a bit. Ziggler sends him outside and kicks Rollins through the ropes as things calm down a bit. Back in and Rollins easily punches Dolph down again before putting on a chinlock. Dolph reverses into a sleeper but gets caught in a backpack stunner. Seth kicks him out to the floor and we take a break. Back with Ziggler fighting out of a cobra clutch but getting caught in the Downward Spiral into the middle buckle.

HHH goes over to the announce table to brag about his new man but Rollins charges into the running DDT. They slug it out with Ziggler getting the better of it and hammering away in the corner. Dolph throws him outside and hits a nice dropkick followed by the Fameasser inside for two. Seth comes back with an enziguri from the apron but takes too long going up and gets caught in the top rope X Factor for an even closer near fall. Another enziguri stops a charging Ziggler and the buckle bomb followed by the curb stomp put Ziggler away at 11:10 shown of 14:40.

Rating: C+. This was a good but not great match. The problem here is Rollins had to drop all of the stuff that was going to get him cheered which leaves him with a less exciting although still good style. Ziggler continues to be a completely different wrestler on Smackdown and Raw and it’s getting a bit tiresome. These matches are entertaining but you know not to expect anything on Mondays.

Rollins is one of the young guns of WWE and a guy that is going to be a big deal in the future. I don’t think he has the star power or lasting abilities of the other members of Shield, but he could be the Jeff Hardy type and that’s quite the career, especially if you avoid the drugs. Awesome talent and a great high flier but he can do a lot more than that.

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Slammiversary 2014
Date: June 15, 2014
Location: College Park Center, Arlington, Texas
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Time for another TNA pay per view which at least has been good in the last few years. The show has had some decent build, but due to a combination of injuries and TNA’s horrific marketing skills, the World Title match has been changed and there was no mention of the X Division Title match on television. The show does look good on paper though and we get the newest Hall of Fame announcement. Let’s get to it.

We open with the trio in the back with MVP saying he’s here to make sure Dixie doesn’t screw things up tonight. MVP can’t be out there with them though because of his knee.

Video on the history of TNA up to this point.

X-Division Title: Sanada vs. Tigre Uno vs. Davey Richards vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Crazy Steve vs. Manik

Sanada is defending and this is a ladder match. Also keep in mind that Destination X and Option C are coming up soon. Manik dives through the ropes to take out Sanada before the bell. The Wolves follow suit with stereo suicide dives and Steve has apparently knocked Tigre Uno down. Steve gets a ladder from under the ring and uses it to climb back to the apron. Tigre dropkicks him down and mostly misses a corkscrew dive to take everyone out.

Sanada and Manik fight over a ladder in the ring with the champion taking over via a springboard chop to the head. Tigre replaces Manik and kicks Sanada in the back of the head but the Wolves double team him into a German suplex onto the ladder in the corner. Edwards throws in a fresh ladder but Manik dropkicks both of them down. Steve (very popular tonight) comes in for the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot, taking down everyone that comes into the ring.

Manik makes a save but Steve shoves the ladder over, only to have Manik land on the top rope and dive out to knock out the Wolves. Steve goes up again and touches the belt but of course loses his hand eye coordination since this is a ladder match, allowing Sanada to make the save. The ladder is busted so Sanada slams Steve onto it to set up the moonsault. The fans think this is awesome as Tigre enziguris Sanada off a better ladder.

Tigre wedges the broken ladder into the standing one to form a bridge, but the Wolves catch him in a powerbomb/top rope Backstabber combo. The Wolves both go after the belt but Sanada makes the save. Edwards Sanada clothesline each other to the floor and Eddie crashes into the barricade, leaving Davey on top. Manik makes the save and powerbombs Davey onto the bridged ladder in a SCARY landing. Sanada climbs up to retain at 9:40 before someone dies.

Rating: B-. The match was fun but some of those spots looked too dangerous for my taste. Richards getting powerbombed was way too scary looking and I didn’t like how he landed. Hopefully everyone is fine, but I question having people go through a match like this without even giving the match hype on TV.

The announcers explain the World Title situation. For once this is totally beyond their control.

Here’s the trio with MVP on crutches to insult Texas A&M and the fans for booing him. They shouldn’t be so angry at him while he’s here against doctor’s orders. Dixie has gone to the Board of Directors in an estrogen filled moment of insanity, resulting in him being censored. MVP explains the World Title situation to the live crowd and says he won’t be involved in either qualifying match. King and Lashley promise to win their matches, unlike Texas A&M.

Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Lashley

Winner goes to the title match tonight. Lashley quickly takes Joe into the corner but gets enziguried in the other corner to give Joe control. Bobby leapfrogs over the Samoan and clotheslines him down, only to have Joe pound him down with strikes. The Facewash is loaded up but Bobby rolls to the floor to get a breather. You don’t go outside on Joe though and it’s the suicide elbow to take Lashley out again.

Joe gets cocky for a split second and Lashley is able to send him into the steps. Back in and Lashley fights out of the corner Rock Bottom with a swinging neckbreaker for two. A snap suplex sets up a nerve hold on Joe and an elbow to the face stops his comeback cold. Another nerve hold is broken up by a kick to the head and the backsplash gets two. Now the release Rock Bottom looks to set up the Clutch but Lashley drives him into the corner. Joe has to stop himself from running into Earl Hebner, allowing Bobby to nail the spear for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C+. This wasn’t bad with Lashley getting one of his biggest wins since coming back. Putting Joe in the title match didn’t make a ton of sense after Lashley beat Eric on Thursday so this was the best option all things considered. I’m still not wild on Lashley’s in ring work, especially the spear due to so many people using it, but he could be worse.

The Carters have a party suite above the arena. Dixie thinks Ray will see Ethan’s vicious side tonight. Dixie won’t comment on the meetings she had this week until she’s in the middle of the ring. The only hint she’ll give is that the karma that got to MVP is nothing compared to what’s coming. Spud looks like the Joker.

Magnus vs. Willow

Bram and Abyss are the seconds here. Magnus stomps away in the corner to start and avoids a baseball slide to send Willow into the steps. Back in and a big clothesline gets the same for the Brit. There’s a buckle bomb for good measure and Magnus hammers away on the mask. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Willow fights back with an atomic drop and the legdrop between the legs for two.

The Twist is countered but Magnus runs into two boots in the corner. A middle rope splash gets two for Willow before Magnus avoids the Swanton. Bram tries to interfere but Abyss is right there to hammer away. All four guys start brawling on the floor until Willow goes up top and just jumps backwards onto the Brits.

Now Abyss and Bram fight in the ring with the Monster easily throwing him to the floor. The guys in the match get back in as Bram gets his metal bar, only to be one upped by Janice. They walk up the ramp as Magnus breaks up the Whisper in the Wind, setting up a belly to back suplex into a side slam for the pin on Willow at 10:00.

Rating: C-. This was a mess for the most part but not bad. They would have been better off making this a tag match to get everyone in there, but that seems to be where they’re headed anyway. The Willow gimmick isn’t doing anything for me either as the announcement that it’s Jeff Hardy just killed the whole point of the character.

Here’s Kurt Angle to announce the newest Hall of Fame inductee. Angle talks about how being in the Hall of Fame means you’ve earned respect forever from the boys in the back and the fans. The inductee is……Team 3D in a bit of a surprise. A loud and long WE WANT TABLES chant goes up and we go to a wide shot of the arena for some reason.

Bully can barely get a full sentence out as the fans are chanting WELCOME BACK. They accept the induction because of every single one of the fans. D-Von says he wasn’t going to come back to TNA but if he’s going out, he has to be by Bully’s side after all their history together. Catchphrases and poses close out the segment.

Ethan Carter cuts a good promo about how he’s beaten all the members of the TNA Hall of Fame so tonight he gets to beat the latest. This isn’t Von Erich Country anymore because the Carters have taken over.

Austin Aries vs. Kenny King

Winner goes to the cage match tonight. Aries hits the corner dropkick less than thirty seconds in but King escapes the brainbuster and gets to the floor. The top rope ax handle puts King down again but King crotches him on top to get a breather. A dropkick puts Austin on the floor and King sends him hard into the barricade for good measure.

They head inside again with King hammering away before putting on something like a seated abdominal stretch. Aries fights up and smacks King’s ears to put him on the floor, setting up a suicide dive. King is thrown back inside so Aries can ram him over and over into the buckles, setting up a missile dropkick for two.

King comes back with a cradle suplex and a high kick but gets caught with his feet on the ropes. The Last Chancery can’t get the submission so King comes back with a springboard Blockbuster for a close two. Aries gets tired of dealing with King and takes him into the corner for a super brainbuster to send Austin to the cage at 10:04.

Rating: C+. This is the logical choice as King hasn’t really shown that he can beat a guy of Aries’ level in a one on one match. The ending sequence was really cool and it gives us a more intriguing main event than Eric vs. two members of the trip. Aries is a guy that could be brought up the ranks in TNA to fill in their lack of top faces.

JB introduces some Dallas Cowboys to a VERY mixed reaction. After that mention is over, JB brings out the latest Von Erichs: Ross and Marshall, accompanied by an ancient looking Kevin. The Bro Mans interrupt and say that a lot of things in Texas aren’t tight, including being a Von Erich. Robbie isn’t here for reasons not specified.

Bro Mans vs. Ross Von Erich/Marshall Von Erich

Marshall wrestles barefoot like Kevin did. This is DJZ and Jesse for the team tonight. Marshall cleans house on DJZ to start but can’t hook the Claw. A powerslam puts DJZ back down and it’s off to the older Ross for some dropkicks. Jesse breaks up something off the top rope and DJZ hits a nice flip dive to take Ross down on the ramp.

Back in and Jesse nails a dropkick bur Ross avoids a second one and makes the hot tag to Marshall. Everything breaks down and Ross hits a missile dropkick to put both guys down. Jesse brings in a chair but gets it dropkicked into his face, setting up a series of basic double team moves from the brothers. Not that it matters as DJZ brings in the chair for the DQ at 5:07.

Rating: D+. Well that was a waste of pay per view time. The Von Erichs looked ok at best but it’s clear that they need ring time more than anything else. They didn’t know how to finish a match yet and it looked like they needed to get through a bunch of spots instead of bringing the match to a close. Not terrible, but the ending really didn’t work for me.

Post match Kevin comes in to put the Claw on Jesse, drawing the only big pop from the crowd.

Angelina says she’ll keep the title tonight. JB asks how many time Angelina has won the title without Velvet’s help but Angelina says they’re a team.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Angelina Love

Angelina is defending and Gail won a triple threat on Thursday to set this up. Gail hits a quick running forearm to start but her top rope huricanrana is countered with a powerbomb. A side slam gets two on Kim and Angelina throws her out to the floor. Velvet interference doesn’t help as Kim sends Love knees first into the steps. Back in and Gail gets crotched on the top, setting up an ugly looking reverse bulldog for two.

Sky uses the hairspray but referee Stiffler ignores it. The Botox Injection gets two and here’s Earl Hebner to eject Sky and make himself referee. Gail speeds things up and gets two off a neckbreaker but gets powerbombed for two more. Kim accidentally dropkicks Earl in the back but nails Eat Defeat. Stiffler ignores the cover to check on Earl and does the same again when Love gets rolled up. Angelina reverses into a rollup of her own and Stiffler counts the pin to retain the title at 6:57.

Rating: D+. Egads this story is getting old. Didn’t we have Stiffler in love with the Beautiful People like five years ago? Nothing to see here for the most part as Gail vs. Angelina has been done on PPV so many times that they ran out of stuff to do years ago. The match was ridiculously overbooked. Also don’t we already have a questionable referee in Brian Hebner?

D-Von has to go back to the hotel for dinner with his kids. Bully cuts a promo on Texas wrestling legends and thinks Ethan is in way over his head. His advice to Ethan: start praying. Ethan gets crucified for the sins of his Aunt Dixie and he’ll be baptized in blood.

Bully Ray vs. Ethan Carter III

Texas Death Match, meaning last man standing. Ray brings out a bullrope ala Stan Hansen for a nice tribute. Carter is thrown to the floor by the rope to start and Ray brings out a pair of tables. They’re stacked next to each other on the floor but Carter recovers from the coma he was in to get in a few shots and take over. Ray fights right back and sets up another table in the corner but the fans want cowbell.

Carter avoids the table but gets his chest ripped off by more chops. Time for the cheese grater to rip up Ethan’s chest (barely), which isn’t something you often see. Carter gets in a few shots to take over and sends Ray face first into a chair on the mat. He goes up top but gets crotched and superplexed onto the chair to put both guys down. Ray grabs a Dallas Cowboys trashcan from under the ring before starting to cut up the mats to expose the wood under the canvas.

Joker Spud comes out with a kendo stick shot to Ray’s back for no effect. Ray kicks him low and knocks Spud silly with the stick but Carter hits a quick One Percenter onto the exposed boards for our first count over twelve minutes into the match. Ray is up at eight so Carter pours out the glass in the trashcan. Carter goes up but dives into a Bubba Cutter, sending the injured chest into the glass for a cool spot. He’s up at eight though so Ray takes the stick outside to knock Ethan silly again.

Ray puts him on the tables and goes up but here’s Dixie for a distraction. Bully goes after her and sends Ethan into Dixie to knock her out cold. Ethan gets punched down and Ray puts Dixie on the table. He takes too long though, allowing Spud to pull her off and Ethan knocks Ray through the tables with a kendo stick shot for the win at 17:05.

Rating: C. It was a nice brawl with some nice spots but NO ONE CARES ABOUT DIXIE. After all this, if she doesn’t go through a table in New York, this whole story has been a huge waste of time. Also, never accept an induction to the Hall of Fame unless you want to lose on a last second fluke the same night. At least D-Von didn’t join forces with Dixie.

We recap Anderson vs. Storm. This started in a qualifying match for a World Title shot before Anderson cheated to win a drinking contest and made fun of cowboys. Why TNA thinks he’s going to be cheered in Texas doing this is beyond me.

Mr. Anderson vs. James Storm

Storm grabs a mic even though it’s 10:22 and we’ve got another match after this. He rips on the Cowboys because he’s a Titans fan but the booing breaks up his catchphrase. The brawl is on before the bell with Anderson high fiving the Cowboys and spitting beer in Storm’s face. They get in the ring for the opening bell and James goes right for the knee. A few shots have Anderson so banged up that he can’t run across the ring and a Figure Four has him in even more trouble.

Anderson is quickly in the ropes and Storm misses a charge in the corner to give Mr. a breather. Storm gets crotched on the top and slammed down for two, only to send Anderson face first into the middle buckle. Now it’s Anderson going up but getting kicked in the back of the head. He’s still able to pick Storm up for the rolling fireman’s carry off the middle rope but Storm kicks him out to the floor. Storm spits beer at the Cowboys so they jump the railing for a distraction, allowing Anderson to hit the Mic Check for the pin at 5:25.

Rating: C-. The match was short due to time but it was still entertaining enough. Anderson vs. Storm didn’t need the Cowboys for this to work but since it’s a midcard match in TNA, I’m sure we’ll get 19 rematches to keep things going way after its expiration date. The Cowboys might get them some extra media attention if nothing else.

Austin Aries tells Eric Young that the greatest man should win the match tonight. Eric says they’ve flown in crazy people to the show tonight.

We recap the main event, which is just an Eric Young video due to the last minute changes.

TNA World Title: Austin Aries vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young

In a cage with Young defending with wins by pin or submissino, not escape. Lashley takes over to start but gets double teamed down. The smaller guys do a fast paced sequence until Lashley throws Aries into the cage. Young gets the same as well, allowing Lashley to stand tall. Bobby throws both guys around again but misses a charge into the post. Young and Aries go at it again until Eric hammers on Bobby in the corner.

Aries powerbombs the champion down but stops to go after Lashley again, only to be suplexed into the cage for two. We get a bad looking botch as Aries hits a running cross body in the corner but Young just lets him bounce off of him for some reason. Young gets to show off his freakish strength with a double Death Valley Driver but Lashley is up at two. He puts Young on top of the cage as the fans chant please don’t die. Aries goes up top as well to take Lashley down with a hurricanrana, but Eric stands up on top of the cage for the huge elbow to Bobby.

Aries punts Eric in the head though and hits the brainbuster for a very close two. Lashley spears Austin down for two and spinebusters the champion, only to miss the spear and fall out of the cage. Remember that doesn’t end the match though as escape doesn’t count. Young hits the top rope elbow on Aries for another close near fall. The piledriver is countered with a low dropkick to Young’s face and everyone is down. Young and Aries slug it out but both guys miss forearms. Aries hits some discus forearms and the corner dropkick but walks into the piledriver to retain Eric’s title at 12:10.

Rating: B-. This got better near the end but Eric keeping the title made me roll my eyes. The reign has been far better than I expected it to be but he needs to be the focal point of the company instead of the other guy in the major feuds. To be fair though, I’d assume MVP was supposed to take the title tonight before the injuries.

Young helps Aries up after the match.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, TNA puts on a good show for Slammiversary. I really wish they could get their stuff together on TV because if this was what they were putting out there every week, things would be so much easier to sit through. Instead we’re usually stuck with one story dominating a show or 19 Dixie Carter segments with her bad acting talking about whatever war she’s having that no one cares about. Good show but not as good as the last few years’. Nothing blew the doors off but most of the matches were solid and nothing was bad so I can’t complain much.

Results
Sanada b. Crazy Steve, Manik, Eddie Edwards, Davey Richards and Tigre Uno – Sanada pulled down the title belt
Bobby Lashley b. Samoa Joe – Spear
Magnus b. Willow – Belly to back suplex into a side slam
Ross Von Erich/Marshall Von Erich b. Bro Mans via DQ when DJZ used a chair
Angelina Love b. Gail Kim – Rollup
Ethan Carter III b. Bully Ray when Ray couldn’t answer the ten count
Eric Young b. Austin Aries and Bobby Lashley – Piledriver to Aries

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