Smackdown
Date: January 10, 2014
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

There isn’t much to talk about coming into this show. Monday was Old School Raw and the biggest story to come out of that was the surprising return of Jake Roberts who looked better than he has in years. Talk has turned to the Rumble though as we’re now just over two weeks away. Things can start to get very interesting very fast around this time so hopefully the pace picks up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Wyatt Family promo and Bray talking about Daniel being lost and needing his guidance.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

It’s Harper and Rowan with no Daniel or Bray in sight. Harper overpowers Jimmy to start by driving him into the corner, only to have Jey make a blind tag and sneak in with a kick to Harper’s ribs. That’s all good with Luke as he takes Jey down with ease before bringing in Rowan who gets kicked in the chest to change control again. Rowan runs him over with a shoulder and puts Jey on the corner for forearms to the chest from both monsters.

Erick stays on Jey but gets kicked in the head, knocking him back into the corner for a tag back to Harper. Luke kicks Jimmy off the apron to break up a tag before it’s back to Rowan for some face pulling. Jey tries to fight back but gets caught in a fallaway slam for no cover. Harper comes back in and breaks up another tag attempt with a shot to the ribs and another to the jaw.

A catapult sends Jey throat first into the middle rope and we hit the Gator Roll. Back to Rowan for the fist head squeeze until Jey fights out with a jawbreaker and Whisper in the Wind. Harper and Jimmy come in off the hot tags with Jimmy speeding things up but not moving as quickly as he usually does.

A Samoan drop puts Harper down but Jimmy has to superkick Rowan, only to walk into a Michinoku Driver from Harper. Everything breaks down and Jimmy rolls Luke up for two. Harper is sent to the floor so Jimmy can hit a big dive to put everyone down. Rowan runs Jey over as Harper comes back with the discus lariat, leading to the double countout at 9:45.

Rating: C+. The match was entertaining but we’re getting very close to the maximum amount of times these teams (or Usos vs. Shield) can happen with the fans still caring. It’s been the same match over and over for months now and it’s losing its interest every week. It also doesn’t help that the Usos have been in the same spot in the division for months now with wins and losses meaning nothing for them.

Post match the Wyatts get ready to destroy Jey but Jimmy makes the save and gets them out of there. They get up the ramp but Bryan and Wyatt jump them from behind and it’s a 4-2 beatdown. There’s the running knee to Jey and Bryan stares at the announcers with his tongue out. Jimmy gets Sister Abigail and all four Wyatts pose. For some reason this was on a wider camera shot.

Randy Orton comes into Vickie’s office and demands to see HHH and Stephanie but they’re not here tonight. Randy is in a match tonight but hasn’t been consulted like he’s supposed to be. Vickie loads up the Best for Business line but Orton doesn’t want to hear it. He’s going to give the Authority a piece of his mind on Raw because it’s best for Randy Orton.

It’s MizTV with special guest the Big Show. Before Show comes out we look at Lesnar breaking Mark Henry’s arm on Monday before Big Show came out and threw Lesnar around. Miz recaps the story again and asks Big Show why he did what he did. Big Show puts it simply: he doesn’t like Brock Lesnar and never has. He’s not happy that Brock Lesnar is back and doesn’t like it when everyone who stands up to Brock Lesnar is left laying.

Big Show challenges Lesnar to a fight and here’s Heyman to answer. Heyman calls Lesnar the Ultimate Fighter of WWE and asks if Big Show wants to fight Brock right now. Big Show is ready and Heyman does his always great fake out, saying Brock will fight when Heyman says so. Heyman throws out an offer for a match at the Royal Rumble and says Brock will not be a hard man to find before then.

Batista is still coming.

Video on the Network announcement. I drool more every time I hear the details.

Ryback/Curtis Axel/Real Americans vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Los Matadores

Diego sends Axel into the corner but Axel knees him in the ribs and takes over. They run the ropes until Diego stops to shout OLE! Axel sends him into the corner for something like Ultimo Dragon’s headstand until Diego takes him down with a headscissors. Off to Fernando who gets taken into the corner for the tag to Cesaro. Fernando nips up off the mat into a headscissors and it’s back to Diego to chop Swagger in the head.

Axel comes in immediately and gets dropkicked by Sin Cara, sending him into the corner for a tag off to Ryback. A few dropkicks have Ryback in trouble but he bails to the floor before Rey can hit the 619. The good guys are in control as we go to a break. Back with Swagger driving a knee into Rey’s ribs and elbowing him in the face.

The Vader Bomb hits feet and Rey kicks him in the head for two as everything breaks down. Torito dives on Axel as Rey rolls out of the Patriot Lock but the 619 is caught, only to have Cara break up the pin. Sin and Axel take each other out to the floor, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and Drop the Dime for the pin on Jack at 4:40 shown of 8:10.

Rating: C. I guess they have to put all the Hispanic guys together since they put all their dancing black people together. We’re just an Aces and 8’s invasion away from GANG WARS 2! This took some time to get going but the ending was very fun. Sin Cara looks like he has some potential….which is why Del Rio beat him in two minutes on Raw I guess.

Video on Cena vs. Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Big E. Langston

Non-title of course. Langston takes him down with a shoulder block but Orton rolls to the floor before a cover. Back in and a headlock sets up another shoulder block sends Orton to the floor again. Orton comes in again and punches Big E. down, only to walk into a headbutt for two. Langston sends Orton to the mat with a single right hand to the ribs before slapping on an armbar.

Orton fights up again and pounds on Big E., only to get caught in a backbreaker. A second backbreaker gets two and Langston is getting in a zone. Randy escapes the Big Ending and bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with the chinlock until Big E. powers out, only to get kneed in the ribs for two. Back to the chinlock but Big E. fights up again.

The comeback is short lived again though as Orton sends him through the ropes to the floor. Langston is sent into the steps twice in a row for two before we hit the chinlock again. Big E. fights up one more time and runs Orton over twice in a row, followed by a belly to belly suplex. The Warrior Splash gets two but Orton hits his backbreaker to get a breather. The RKO is countered with a splash in the corner but Orton pokes Big E. in the eye, setting up the RKO for the pin at 14:28.

Rating; C+. I missed pokes to the eyes. They’re such a simple heel move but they can be just what you need to get a heel through an ending. This match worked for the most part but it could have had a few minutes of chinlocks taken out. It’s good that Langston gets to look like he can hang in there against top guys. There’s a future there if he’s used properly.

Bray Wyatt talks about fate being a dangerous beast. She tears you apart with her teeth while tearing you apart with her eyes. Bray wants to know if he cuts an Uso, will the other bleed? He asks about the lies of the world, making Daniel scream LIE. Daniel rants about the lies of the world making him want to ram his head into a wall until he breaks something.

Xavier Woods vs. Fandango

This is a result of Fandango interrupting and costing Truth and Woods a match on Main Event. Truth joins commentary and says he and JBL are down like four flat tires. Woods takes him down with a headlock to start but Fandango sends him out to the floor. Xavier slingshots back into a rollup for the pin at 1:25. It’s as fast as it sounds.

Post match Summer Rae goes into the ring to yell but the Funkadactyls take care of her. Truth beats up Fandango for fun.

The Usos promises to show the Wyatts pain on Monday.

The Raw ReBound recaps most of the show.

Shield comes to the ring for the main event. Reigns declares himself the new best in the world after pinning Punk on Raw. Ambrose says there’s no reason for someone to own a ten foot python and it gave him nightmares. He goes into a rant about choking the snake but Rollins takes the mic and says tonight is about the future, meaning it’s not about the New Age Outlaws. They’ll break Punk like they always do because they are the future.

Shield vs. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws haven’t wrestled on Smackdown in nearly 13 years. Naturally the Philadelphia fans are WAY into Punk. Ambrose and Punk get things going with Dean headlocking Punk to the mat, only to get caught in a headscissors. Off to Road Dogg who works on the arm for a few seconds before handing it off to Billy for more cranking. Cole screws up history by saying the Outlaws debuted as part of DX as Billy puts Rollins in an armbar. The Outlaws take turns on the armfor a bit before Punk comes in with a top rope elbow to the arm.

Seth gets in a shot to the jaw and tags in Ambrose, only to have Punk take him down into an Indian Deathlock. Punk misses the high kick and Dean bails to the floor as everything breaks down. Shield is sent to the floor to regroup as we take a break. Back with Ambrose working over Road Dogg until Roadie comes back with the shaky right hands. Rollins comes back in with a knee to the head for two before it’s back to Reigns for some corner stomping. Back to Ambrose who does the Road Dogg arm wiggle, only to have Road punch him in the face.

Ambrose will have none of this selling for old guys and knees Dogg in the ribs before tagging off to Rollins for a chinlock. Road Dogg is taken back into the corner for more triple teaming before Reigns comes back in for a chinlock. Reigns lets him go and ducks his head, allowing Road Dogg to put him down with a DDT. Ambrose can’t break up the hot tag attempt and it’s Punk in to clean house.

CM hits his usual stuff on Ambrose but can’t get the GTS. Both guys hit cross bodies to put each other down and it’s a double tag to bring in Billy vs. Roman. Everything breaks down with Gunn cleaning house and getting two off a Jackhammer to Rollins. Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Seth but Billy takes too long setting up the Fameasser, allowing Reigns to spear him down for the pin at 14:25.

Rating: C-. This feud has lost its way. Punk beat Shield on his own, so why should I want to see him fight them with a variety of partners? I have no problem with the Outlaws getting a match on Smackdown as they still looked fine out there. They were never my favorite team though and it’s not like they were known for their in ring work in the first place. The match wasn’t bad but it was little more than fine.

Overall Rating: D+. I remember reading something like same Smackdown, different week and that’s about as accurate as it gets. There’s just nothing on these shows that you need to see and we’re not even getting a great match every week anymore. The show is back to being a supplement to Raw and that’s not something I need when Raw is as bloated as it is.

Results

Wyatt Family vs. Usos went to a double countout

Rey Mysterio/Los Matadores/Sin Cara b. Real Americans/Ryback/Curtis Axel

Randy Orton b. Big E. Langston – RKO

Xavier Woods b. Fandango – Rollup

Shield b. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws – Spear to Gunn

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Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Get used to this idea with the Network coming.WWE is known for pounding ideas into our heads over and over and over on Raw and Smackdown.  Be it the App, whatever TV show they’re hyping up or any product of the week, you’re going to hear about it every five minutes at worst.  Here’s the thing: that’s a very smart move and exactly what WWE should be doing.  As annoying as it is to fans who watch all the time, I would be shocked if any regular viewer of WWE programing couldn’t rattle off complete details of whatever WWE is hyping at the moment.

On the other hand, look at TNA.  How many things have they had (Video Vault, Xplosion etc) that were never talked about?  Those are ideas that could bring in revenue to the company but instead we’re treated to Tenay and Tazz being “witty.”  WWE pounds ideas into our heads and it’s a big reason why they’re as big as they are.

Impact Wrestling
Date: January 9, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

This is the final taped show in a long series of them as we’re closing in on Genesis next week. The main story tonight is the World Title unification match between AJ Styles and Magnus which has had a full week’s worth of hype. On top of that, Kurt Angle has an open challenge to anyone willing to step inside of a cage with him. Let’s get to it.

After the opening recap, here’s Dixie in a sweater and skirt that belongs on a 22 year old. She doesn’t want to put up with this nonsense tonight so AJ needs to get out here and sign this contract. AJ comes out but Dixie goes into a long rant about how the contract is for one night only and the match tonight is going to be No DQ. She wants Magnus to leave AJ bloodied and broken and carried out on a stretcher tonight so he’ll be out of her life forever.

AJ says she must have a lot of confidence in her champion, just like she did at Bound For Glory when she bet against AJ and lost. Before signing, AJ says there are boys in the back that hate Dixie just as much as he does and they don’t mind coming out here to help him tonight. Dixie says those people weren’t there for him over the last 11 years like she was when she was feeding his wife and kids.

She owns those people and will be the one to break AJ Styles. AJ says Dixie doesn’t get wrestling because it’s supposed to be about two wrestlers but Dixie keeps screwing it up. The belt got respect when AJ won it while the paper champion was hiding under Dixie’s skirt, so here’s Magnus to keep this segment going.

Magnus asks Dixie to leave the ring and gets in AJ’s face for calling him a paper champion. The last image anyone had of AJ is him running away, just like he’ll be doing after Magnus gets done with him tonight. Magnus leaves and AJ talks about how it took eleven years to get him to the title, which is the kind of hard work Magnus doesn’t understand.

Post break Dixie tells Gail Kim and Lei’D Tapa to make sure they take care of something.

Eric Young/Joseph Park vs. Bro Mans

Non-title. Dixie is shown in the back telling the Bro Mans how serious this is. I have a bad feeling about a running theme tonight. Eric starts fast with Robbie and tries to do a Flair strut after being sent into the corner but instead slides through his legs for a sunset flip. A belly to belly puts Jessie down and Eric loads up the top rope elbow but we see Gail and Tapa beating up ODB in the back.

Eric runs off to help, leaving Joseph to get double teamed. Park gets beaten down into the corner but runs both champions over with shoulder blocks and slams. Robbie’s cross body just bounces off Park so he chop blocks Park down instead. The Bro Down (Hart Attack) is good for the pin at 3:27.

Rating: D+. This was more about the story than the match as it seems Dixie has recruited the Bro Mans and Gail Kim and Tapa. It’s probably better that was as we haven’t had a heel stable in all of six weeks around here. The match was nothing to see and the less Eric Young I have to see, the better.

Post match the Bro Mans remove a piece of the barricade and put it in the ring, setting up a Bro Down on Park onto the steel.

Joe goes into Dixie’s office (fourth appearance in 25 minutes) and says he’ll have AJ’s back tonight. Dixie says Joe has a match with Ethan Carter III tonight, but Joe says Ethan’s blood is on Dixie’s hands tonight.

Eric carries ODB to an ambulance, sending Sting off to find Dixie.

James Storm is in the ring and wants to talk to Gunner right now. Gunner comes to the ring and Storm talks about being part of some of the best tag teams ever in wrestling history. You have to check your ego if you’re going to be part of a team, but if loving the fans chanting Cowboy means you have a big ego, he has the biggest ego of all time. The world title has split up Beer Money, America’s Most Wanted and now the two of them.

Gunner says Storm can keep his ego because he has the case. Storm knew the risk he was taking in Feast or Fired and Gunner played by the rules. James says let’s hang the case up one more time because Gunner can’t do it again in another match. They shake on it and I think we have either a briefcase on a pole or a ladder match, presumably for next week.

Ethan Carter jumps Joe in the back.

We come back with Ethan and Joe slugging it out on the stage before Joe punches Ethan down the ramp.

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe

They ight into the ring and we get a bell with Joe taking over with his usual stuff. The backsplash gets two and Carter is knocked into the corner for the enziguri, only to have Carter come out with a dropkick to the knee. Ethan goes after the knee as the fans tell Carter he can’t wrestle. Joe breaks up something off the top and goes for the MuscleBuster, only to have Spud grab Joe’s leg. The distraction lets Carter get in a shot to the knee for a…..no contest at 2:50? Shouldn’t it be a DQ?

Carter hits Joe’s knee with a wrench to really put him out.

Angle promises to wreck anyone who gets in a cage with him tonight because he’ll be seeing Bobby Roode.

We recap all the injures tonight.

Joe refuses to be taken to the hospital but is forced to go.

James Storm and Gunner have been attacked by whiskey bottles. Sting sees them and goes through the door to find Dixie (5^th appearance) for a good yelling about the events tonight. She says this is a dangerous business but Sting says she can be turned back. He asks what happened to her but Dixie yells at him for trying to be Dr. Phil. Sting has a match tonight with an unnamed opponent.

Kurt Angle vs. ???

In a cage with an open challenge. Angle waits and gets…..Bobby Roode? He doesn’t come to the cage though because he’s got a mic. In seven days Angle is going to lose inside the cage and his Hall of Fame induction will be gone forever. Roode says Angle can get him in the cage next week, but for tonight it’s two on one.

Kurt Angle vs. Bad Influence

Daniels goes through the door as Kaz tries to climb the cage. Angle puts Christopher down and goes after Kaz, only to get crotched on the top. Daniels sends Angle into the cage as Kaz comes in with a top rope ax handle to give Christopher two. Angle is rammed back first into the cage as Bad Influence keeps up their double teaming. He grabs a small package on Daniels but Kaz grabs the referee to prevent a count.

A spinning springboard legdrop gets two on Angle but he pops up with the suplexes for everyone. We get Germans, belly to bellys and more Germans before Kaz breaks up the Angle Slam on Daniels. Kaz tries to leave but gets superplexed down, landing on Daniels in the process. Angle sends Daniels hard into the cage before the Angle Slam pins Kaz at 6:11.

Rating: C+. Kurt Angle just knows how to have a good cage match. The good thing here is that Bad Influence can lose over and over again but keep coming back through their hilarious antics. The match with Roode next week is going to be great as those two have the chemistry to have an awesome match every time they’re out there.

Dixie (6^th appearance) says leave the cage up. Bobby Roode comes in and is told he has a cage match tonight. Roode assumes it’s with Angle but it’s against Sting. Bobby freaks out as you would expect him to. Dixie promises to have him covered.

Angle is having pictures taken with some fans when Al Snow comes up in a car, saying Angle has to get to the airport for an emergency.

Bobby Roode vs. Sting

In a cage as well. I didn’t hear a bell but Sting takes him into the corner, only to be taken down by a shoulder block. Sting blocks being rammed into the cage but Roode does the same. A Stinger Splash hits Roode’s feet and Roode gets two off a clothesline. Sting won’t let Bobby go through the door and stops a charging Roode with a boot and elbow to the jaw.

Roode comes back with a spinebuster for two but Sting breaks up another escape attempt. Sting slams him off the top in classic fashion before ramming Roode into the cage a few times. A pair of Stinger Splashes sets up the Death Drop and Deathlock but here are Ethan and Spud to interfere. Spud distracts the referee, allowing Spud to send in a baton so Roode can lay Sting out and escape at 7:10.

Rating: C-. This was mainly just killing time until the interfering ending but it wasn’t that bad for the most part. Tonight is a one story show and it got old about half an hour ago. Sting works best in quick bursts like this and the match wasn’t bad due to how short it was. Still though, two cage matches not combining to go fifteen minutes isn’t something I can get behind.

Earlier today, Mr. Anderson entered a funeral home to finish this with Ray.

We recap Ray trying to set Joseph park on fire last week.

Anderson is in the funeral home where Aces and 8’s were laid to rest. Ray is sitting in the corner with his sunglasses on and Anderson says let’s finish this. Bully says if he wanted to finish this, he would have done it last week with the lighter. That’s too forgiving of him though because he wants this to last. He says there’s something in his other hand that doesn’t smell as nice (lighter fluid?) before talking about Anderson taking everything from him.

Ray wants his loneliness to encompass Anderson’s life. Next week is Genesis, or the beginning, but it means the end for Anderson. He talks about Anderson throwing the Aces and 8’s colors in the coffin and tells Anderson to go look at what’s in there now. Anderson goes to look and gets ad before turning back to see Ray gone. We see what appears to be baby clothes in Anderson’s hands.

We recap the attacks tonight.

Sting comes into Dixie’s office (7^th appearance tonight) and says it takes more than that to put him down. Dixie says it’s contract season and implies that she’ll pay Sting to side with her.

We recap the AJ vs. Dixie situation and hype the main event.

We run down the stacked Genesis card.

TNA World Title: AJ Styles vs. Magnus

No DQ and both guys are champion coming in. Magnus immediately goes to the floor and does it again for a second time in less than ninety seconds. No contact yet. Magnus gets back in but here are Ethan Carter and Spud to jump AJ before any contact is made. AJ fights them off and superkicks Magnus in the ribs but Carter breaks up a Styles Clash attempt. Sting finally comes out for the save but doesn’t do anything as AJ saves himself. Magnus bails to the floor and we take a break.

Back with the two champions still not making contact as the Bro Mans and Zema Ion come out to jump Sting and AJ and giving us six run-ins in less than eight minutes. Zema DDTs AJ and the Bro Down gets a delayed two on Styles. Sting comes back in as Magnus just chills at ringside. The Brit finally comes back in and AJ quickly loads up the Clash, only to have Bad Influence make the save and lay him out with a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo.

Earl Hebner refuses to count so Dixie and Brian Hebner get us to ELEVEN people coming out for this match. Bad Influence goes High/Low on AJ for two and Brian gets yelled at. Sting lays out the Bro Mans with a double Death Drop on the floor before putting Ion in the Deathlock. AJ fights back against Bad Influence as Sting comes in to help even more. We’re down to Magnus vs. AJ with Styles getting the Calf Killer, only to have Kazarian take out the referee.

Kazarian monkey flips AJ into Daniels but AJ clotheslines him down and Peles Kaz. Now the Styles Clash takes out Magnus but there’s no referee. Earl Hebner hobbles back out (we’ll call that #12) to count two before AJ dives over the top to take out Bad Influence yet again. AJ goes up top but Bobby Roode makes it #13 by shoving Styles into the ropes. Three AA/DVDs lay AJ out for about the fifth time, giving Magnus the pin (thanks to referee #3 and the fourteenth person added to the match) and the undisputed title at 15:47. Sting was being held back by most of the heels in case you were wondering.

Rating: D. So they spent all night hyping up the match before going full Russo on it. That’s what we spent months and months building to? The match was definitely energetic but we really had to spend all this time setting up Dixie with her corporate champion? Assuming AJ leaving isn’t a HUGE swerve, this was one of the biggest wastes of time I can remember in years.

Dixie and Magnus pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The Angle and Ray/Anderson stuff was good but WOW the rest of it got on my nerves in a hurry. This was one of TNA’s biggest problems flaring up all over again: putting everything on one idea and going full blast with it until the fans are sick of the story. Genesis looks stacked but man alive this show got annoying fast. Dixie just doesn’t do it for me as the top heel and the lack of planning with AJ basically makes everything since the summer a waste of time.

Results

Bro Mans b. Joseph Park/Eric Young – Bro Down to Park

Ethan Carter III vs. Samoa Joe went to a no contest

Kurt Angle b. Bad Influence – Angle Slam to Kazarian

Bobby Roode b. Sting – Roode escaped the cage

Magnus b. AJ Styles – Magnus pinned Styles after a Death Valley Driver from Bobby Roode

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,525
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

A good deal has changed since last year as we have Sid as world champion, defending his title against Shawn. Michaels had been champion for most of 96 before getting burned out badly and losing the title at the Survivor Series. On top of that though, WCW is MASSACRING the WWF right now with the NWO completely dominating the wrestling world. I believe this is the second biggest non-Wrestlemania PPV crowd ever for the company. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Shawn of course. Expect to hear that name a lot tonight.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. HHH

HHH is defending and the idea here is pretty simple: HHH hit on Marlena and Goldie is standing up for her. He has Mr. Hughes as a bodyguard here which didn’t last long at all. This was also just after Goldust said he wasn’t gay, which got them out of some hot water with some gay rights groups. You know, because it’s ok to hate someone as long as you don’t hate them for being gay. HHH still has the Ode to Joy song here which is an awesome theme song.

Goldie takes him down in the aisle before the bell rings and the beating is on. We get a bell as HHH is dropped throat first onto the barricade. Goldust pounds away in the corner but HHH comes out with an atomic drop to counter. Helmsley’s offense lasts about eight seconds as Goldust catapults him to the floor. Goldie drops the steps on his back which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason.

A guillotine slows Goldust down and apparently two fans who have sat in the Alamodome for weeks for the show have been thrown out. Gee, I wonder if Super Shawn can help them out. An uppercut gets two on HHH and Goldust laughs a lot before being knocked to the floor. HHH goes up top (!) and dives down onto Goldust to send him into the barricade. The jumping knee misses Goldust though and HHH hits the steel to change momentum again.

Back in and Goldust works on the knee rather slowly. HHH counters a leg lock with a kick to the face but he’s quickly caught in the Figure Four. Goldust hits a clothesline on the floor and rubs himself a bit. There’s a knee crusher onto the steps as somehow it’s STILL not a DQ. They head back in and Goldust misses a cross body to send him out to the floor. HHH goes for the wooden director’s chair…and let’s go to Todd Petingil for an interview with some country singer.

HHH hits the jumping knee for two but hurts his own leg in the process. Goldust lariats him down but gets crotched on the top for his efforts. After shoving HHH off, Goldust misses a top rope elbow and the title is thrown in. HHH kisses Marlena but gets blasted by the belt for two. A Hughes distraction is enough for HHH to hit the Pedigree to retain.

Rating: C-. This was too long in this spot in front of a crowd this size. It ran over sixteen minutes, which is way too long for two guys that didn’t mean much to most of the fans. This era wasn’t kind to the midcard guys, as they weren’t ready for spots like this but they were the only options the company had. It took a good while to get over that hump, but once it did, they never looked back.

Bret whines about being a marked man tonight. You could feel the heel turn coming and it was going to be glorious.

Mankind, another newcomer, is ready for the Rumble but he wants to hurt people instead of go to Wrestlemania.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

The idea here is a basic revenge match, but Ahmed was out with an injury for so long that the heat is gone. Naturally this would keep going for about seven months because why not? This was during the original Nation period, when actors were hired to make the Nation look larger. That’s a brilliant idea actually. Johnson charges the ring and the beating is on quickly.

Ahmed pounds away in the corner until the referee calls him off. We head to the floor for a few seconds with Faarooq just trying to survive the opening part of the match. Things finally slow down a bit but it’s just so Ahmed can get a belt and whip Faarooq a bit. We head to the floor again and both guys are rammed into the steps. Faarooq slams him onto a chair and Johnson’s kidney injuries flare up again.

Back in and Johnson has his back worked over and Faarooq hooks a camel clutch. Johnson comes back with an electric chair drop but can’t follow up on it. Faarooq goes up but jumps into a powerslam. Johnson returns the favor and jumps into a spinebuster as his back is falling apart very quickly. Faarooq runs his mouth too long though and there’s another spinebuster by Ahmed, but the Nation comes in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here but the crowd continues to be dead. The idea here was supposed to be revenge but that only takes you so far when the incident that started the whole thing happened months ago. This wasn’t a great power match either, making this kind of a hard one to get into. Ahmed was pretty awesome before his injuries though.

Post match Ahmed chases off the Nation and powerbombs a member through the announce table.

Terry Funk says he’ll win the Rumble because he’s from Texas and born to Rumble.

Faarooq yells at the Nation actors for bailing on him. He says this is just beginning.

Undertaker vs. Vader

This is a feud that went on for a few months because they were a good pairing for each other. Taker avoids a charge to start and pounds away on the big man. Scratch that, make it on the shorter and wider man. Vader comes back with his standing body attack and a second one to take Undertaker down. It doesn’t keep him down of course so Vader hits the floor. Taker jumps off the apron with an ax handle and they brawl slowly. Vader literally has his hands on his hips while Taker uppercuts him.

Vader hits a Stunner on the apron to snap Taker on the rope before heading back in. A Fameasser of all things puts Vader down as does a slam. The followup legdrop gets two (BROTHER!) but Vader crotches him to counter Old School. Vader hits Taker low so let’s go talk to a fan in the audience. Seriously. We hear about her saving up her money and following Shawn Michaels everywhere she goes. Your PPV dollars at work people!

Vader clotheslines Taker down twice, one of which being from the middle rope for two. We hit the nerve hold but Taker fights up with his rapid fire punches. A belly to back suplex puts Vader down but Taker’s elbow misses. The masked man goes up but dives into a powerslam ala Starrcade 92 vs. Sting, but it doesn’t even get a cover here. Vader powerbombs Taker down for two and the Dead Man sits up.

There’s the big jumping clothesline and this time Old School hits, but here comes Paul Bearer. Taker chokeslams Vader down but spots Bearer instead of following up. Paul is thrown into the ring and punched a lot before Taker clotheslines Vader to the floor. Taker tries a kind of Poetry in Motion dive against the railing but Bearer makes the save, pulling Vader away. Bearer blasts Taker with the Urn, allowing Vader to hit the Vader Bomb for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not terrible here but again it ran too long. This was about setting up Bearer as Vader’s new manager which didn’t last long unless I’m completely forgetting something. Taker looked ok here, but his power stuff looks a lot better on smaller guys as he can’t throw Vader around all that well. Still though, not horrible.

Taker is all ticked off and beats up the referee as a result. He yells at Vince too but we can’t hear most of what he’s saying.

Austin says he isn’t talking to anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog says he’s going to win the Rumble because he’s bizarre. Ok then.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Take six guys, throw them in the ring for ten minutes to pop the crowd. I just hope I can remember which is which. Metal vs. Garza to start. Ok so Metal is in the yellow and black tights. Got it. They speed things up to stat before quickly hitting the mat. Off to Aguayo vs. Estrada who is in the white tassels. Perro chops Jerry down and backdrops him out to the floor.

Off to Canek vs. Guerrera who are the two masked guys. That makes things a lot easier to keep track of if nothing else. Canek hits a quick cross body out of the corner as the crowd continues to be dead here. Guerrera goes up but misses a Swanton, allowing Canek to hit a top rope cross body for two. Off to Metal vs. Garza again as things are STILL slow. That goes nowhere so here’s Canek vs. Estrada. Canek throws him around for a bit before it’s time for Guerrera to beat up Aguayo.

Aguayo armdrags Guerrera down and sends him to the floor for a bit. It should be noted that Perro is 51 years old so seeing him running and trying to dive is rather odd to see. Canek works on Metal’s leg, followed by a slingshot splash onto it by Garza. Heavy Metal gets an opening but won’t tag, so instead he ducks a bad looking kick from Canek as they stagger around a bit more.

Everything breaks down as even Vince sounds bored. Let me repeat that. VINCE MCMAHON sounds bored by a match. Garza finally does something interesting by hitting his corkscrew plancha on Estrada. The double stomp on Metal gets the pin for Aguayo and the crowd pops for the pin, likely because it’s finally over.

Rating: D. Think about it like this: in this match, four guys were either in their 40s or a year away from it. When you’ve got Juventud Guerrera and Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in the lucha matches in WCW blowing the roof off the place, it’s REALLY hard to get into something like this. Terribly dull match as they were mainly just looking old out there.

The attendance is announced and no one really cares.

Royal Rumble

There are 90 seconds intervals here which isn’t long enough but at least it’s not terrible like two years earlier. Finkel takes FOREVER to get through the entrances. Crush of the Nation of Domination is #1 and Ahmed Johnson is #2. Crush gets to jump Ahmed as he comes in and the beating is on quickly. Ahmed comes back with a clothesline and they brawl on the mat (read as roll around) for a bit. Fake Razor Ramon (bad parody that went nowhere and is remembered as being awful) is #3 as apparently the clock is messing up. Thankfully Razor is thrown out in about fifteen seconds.

Crush is thrown to the apron but Ahmed sees Faarrooq in the aisle. He eliminates himself and chases after Faarooq in a stupid bit. Phineas Godwinn is #4 as the clock speeds WAY up so we don’t have to look at people standing around. They have a really dull power brawl that goes nowhere and no one cares about at all. Austin is #5 and this HAS TO pick things up a bit. Phineas jumps him as soon as he gets in before Austin and Crush double team him. A clothesline misses Phineas though and Crush is dumped.

Austin dumps Phineas as well and is alone in the ring to face Bart Gunn at #6. Bart gets in some offense but is gone in about thirty seconds. Austin sits on the ropes until Jake Roberts is #7. The music sounds really different in the big stadium setting. Jake pounds away and works on the arm a bit and hits the short clothesline, but Austin backdrops him out to counter the DDT.

British Bulldog is #8 and immediately takes Austin down. This is part of the Border War which is coming very soon and just like Jake, Smith dominates early on. There’s a slightly different version of the powerslam and Austin is in big trouble. Pierroth from AAA (Mexican company which has supplied all of the luchadores tonight) is #9 and goes right after Bulldog. Apparently he’s a big time heel so people don’t cheer. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the hour and a half of boring wrestling right?

The Sultan (Rikishi) is #10 as the ring is finally getting a crowd going in there. Sultan and Pierroth fight on the ropes as Austin is sent to the apron. Pierroth tries to slam Sultan like an idiot as the match continues to be dull. Mil Mascaras, Mexican legend, is #11. He FINALLY gets a reaction as he beats up on Sultan a bit. Sultan belly to bellies him down and we get some of the legendary no selling from Mascaras. HHH is #12 and there goes Sultan via Bulldog.

We’ve got Austin, Bulldog, Pierroth, HHH and Mascaras in the ring now. Austin hits a middle rope elbow on HHH as Owen Hart (tag team champions with Bulldog at this point) is #13. Austin has to fight both of them off and Bulldog goes out due to an accidental shot from Owen. They were having big problems around this point and it would take the Hart Foundation forming to mend the issues. Goldust is #14 and goes right for Austin instead of HHH, the guy he hates.

Mascaras gets Owen to the apron but can’t get him out. Everyone gangs up on Goldust for no apparent reason and Cibernetico is #15. He goes right for Mascaras and beats the tar out of him. HHH stays on the apron as Marc Mero is #16. Cibernetico is out before Mero gets into the ring and Mascaras puts Pierroth out, before diving off the top to the floor to eliminate himself. Goldust clotheslines HHH out and we’ve got Mero, Austin, Owen and Goldust in the ring at the moment.

Latin Lover, another luchador, is #17. Things are still dull here but at least they’re moving a bit faster. Goldust is eliminated by Owen and Faarooq is #18. He almost immediately puts Lover out and gets in a BIG slugout with Austin. Unfortunately it doesn’t last long as Johnson runs in with a 2×4 to knock Faarooq out. Austin dumps Owen and Mero, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, an old rival of Austin, is #19 and doesn’t even make it thirty seconds, although he does hit a good spinwheel kick while he’s in there.

Jesse James (Road Dogg) is #20 and he does quite a bit better than Vega, making it a full 45 seconds before Austin puts him out. Austin is all like GET ME ANOTHER ONE and tells the crowd what they can do to themselves. The clock runs out, and BRET HART walks through that curtain at #21. The look on Austin’s face is absolutely amazing as he is TERRIFIED.

However, there’s something very important that happens next. Austin is scared for a minute, but then gets in the middle of the ring and says BRING IT ON. He’s been out there a long time now and is ready to go still, facing his arch rival who is totally fresh. Austin doesn’t back down, he doesn’t run, he doesn’t cheat. That’s because Austin was a different kind of heel than you see today. Instead of running or finding a way out, he fought with his fists and took a beating like a man. Today it’s all about the cowardly heels and that drives me crazy. Once in awhile is fine but give us somebody with a backbone once in awhile.

They go right at it with Bret getting the better of a tired Austin. He hits a quick atomic drop and a clothesline before stomping away in the corner. There’s the Sharpshooter but we need a #22, so here’s commentator Jerry Lawler. In a hilarious bit, Jerry says “It takes a King….”, then he gets in, gets punched twice by Bret for an elimination, and comes back to commentary and says “to know a King.”

Bret stays on Austin and hits a backbreaker as Fake Diesel (you know him better as Kane) is #23. The good thing here is that Kane actually looks like Diesel from about ten feet away and is nearly identical from behind. Razor looked like a bad Halloween costume. Diesel goes after Hart before slowing down to let Austin do the work. Terry Funk is #24 to give us a very strong lineup in there at the moment. Funk is sent to the apron but Hart makes a save, earning him a punch to the ribs from Terry.

Rocky Maivia is #25 to give us perhaps the best five man lineup ever in the Rumble at any given time. That’s not an exaggeration either. Rocky hooks up with Austin and Diesel but gets kicked in his face for the efforts. The lineup stays strong with Mankind at #26. He immediately throws Funk to the apron as everyone pairs off. Hart gets suplexed by Austin as Rock and Diesel fight in the corner.

There’s a sleeper by Hart to Austin, which makes you wonder why you would EVER put yourself in that position against Austin? A jawbreaker breaks the hold as Flash Funk (2 Cold Scorpio) is #27. Not quite on the level of everyone else but he’s a personal favorite. Terry piledrives Mankind into the ground before Flash dives on Diesel and Terry. Vader is #28 to give us another power guy and he goes right for Bret.

Vader pounds Flash down so Austin goes right after the big man. That would be Vader in case you’re confused. In a funny bit, Lawler keeps implying he’s never been in the match. Henry Godwinn is #29 to drop the talent level a good bit. The ring is filling up now. Rocky gets sent to the apron and Undertaker is #30. The star studded final group: Austin, Bret, Fake Diesel, Terry Funk, Rocky, Mankind, Flash Funk, Vader, Henry Godwinn, Undertaker. That’s REALLY good and I can’t think of any Rumble coming closer to perfect than that.

Taker goes right after Vader but stops to punch Mankind too. There’s a chokeslam for Austin and one for Vader as well. Taker pounds on Diesel in a sign of what is to come later in the year. Vader throws Flash out as Godwinn hammers on Taker. Funk almost puts Hart out but Austin makes the save for no apparent reason. Godwinn pounds on Taker some more, so Taker easily throws him out by the throat.

The final eight: Rock, Austin, Hart, Kane, Undertaker, Terry Funk, Mankind, Vader. How is THAT for a talent pool? Taker throws Austin to the apron before Mankind puts the Claw on Rocky to eliminate him. He was just a rookie at this point so being in there this late was a big accomplishment for him. Mankind and Funk beat on each other because that’s what they love to do. They fight to the apron and Mankind gets Funk out.

Taker sends Mankind out a second later to get us down to five. Vader beats on Taker as Austin does the same to Diesel. Bret throws Austin out to a HUGE pop but the referees were breaking up a fight between Mankind and Funk. Austin slides back in, dumps Vader and Taker, then dumps Bret who just eliminated Diesel, and Austin wins the Rumble!

Rating: B-. This took awhile to get going, but once Bret’s music hit, it’s REALLY good. The problem is that’s 2/3 of the way into the match and the stuff before that is just terrible. It’s a who’s who of jobbers and no names which isn’t interesting at all. This was the night Austin was launched into superstardom and he did it with a bigger catapult than almost anyone else ever. Amazing last twenty five minutes, but the first twenty five or so are absolutely dreadful.

Bret goes nuts on the announcers post match, shouting conspiracy and injustice. Oh I need to get to 1997 Raw. It’s AMAZING when it gets rolling.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Sid won the title at Survivor Series and this is the rematch. Sid was on a legit roll at this point, having pinned Shawn and Bret in back to back matches. Shawn is bordering on a massive heel turn here but Sid isn’t quite ready to be a face, which likely has a lot to do with Taker being moved to the main event. Sid has been tormenting the son of Shawn’s mentor Jose Lothario to set this up.

Shawn has the flu and looks horrible in his pre match promo. Not much to say here either. This would wind up being Lothario’s last match in Shawn’s corner.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Shawn gets by far and away the pop of the night as the hometown boy. I love Sid’s name in lights pyro entrance. Shawn is shoved down to start until Sid pounds away. Michaels comes back with a cross body and rams Sid’s head into the mat, drawing the longest reaction of the night. Sid heads to the floor for a breather and lays on the mats. Shawn goes after him and is about to be gorilla pressed but he rakes Sid’s eyes to escape.

Back in and Shawn jumps into a powerslam followed by a camel clutch. Sid drops down onto the back and Shawn is in trouble. Shawn avoids the second drop down but Sid comes right back, sending Shawn into the corner for the Flair Flip. Back to the chinlock followed by a clothesline for two. Off to a bearhug which eats up several minutes. Shawn’s parents are concerned. Shawn breaks the hold with an atomic drop but the hold goes right back on. A legdrop gets two for Sid and the champ isn’t getting frustrated at all.

We hit the reverse chinlock again but Shawn fights up with right hands. He slams Sid down and hits the forearm to set up the nip-up. The top rope elbow hits but Shawn is knocked to the floor before the superkick can hit. Shawn gets powerbombed on the floor so Sid grabs both Lotharios. That goes nowhere so Shawn pounds away even more. Dang he popped up fast after that powerbomb.

The referee gets bumped and there’s the chokeslam for two from a second referee. Sid shoves the second referee down and Shawn hits Sid with the camera, which is what Sid did to win the title in the first place. That only gets two though (Lawler: “WOO HOO!”) but Sweet Chin Music gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: C+. Not a great match or anything but it did exactly what it was supposed to do. There was zero chance Shawn was losing here and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. He got by far and away the biggest reactions all night long and it’s as basic of a story as you could ask for. Decent match, especially considering how sick Shawn was. Sid did really well here too, doing exactly what he was supposed to but making it look good.

Shawn celebrates for a LONG time to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show has a solid last forty minutes, but it’s a three hour show, not an hour long show. The year of 1997 was about as bad as it could have gotten for WWF from a business standpoint, but the future was bright. The main thing I want to focus on here though is Austin, as today you would see him get the world title at Mania 13, whereas here they let him simmer for a year. That’s smart business, because while he would have been a successful champion, he wouldn’t have been the juggernaut that he became. Anyway this show was bad, but it does have some bright spots.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ahmed Johnson vs. Farrooq

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

Redo: D

That overall rating surprised me. How could I go that high after nearly the same grades leading up to it?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

NXT
Date: January 8, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Alex Riley

The main story coming into tonight is the Tag Team Title match with Hunico and Camacho finally getting to challenge Ascension for the belts. It continues to amaze me how NXT can take any match and make it feel like it’s a big deal whereas every other promotion has one or two stories on top and that’s it. Let’s get to it.

Welcome Home.

Summer Rae vs. Bayley

This fight is over Summer snapping Bayley’s headband a few weeks ago. Bayley has Natalya to counter Sasha Banks. Summer offers Bayley a hug but Bayley rips off Summer’s tiara and gets two off a sunset flip. Bayley sends Summer crawling into the corner, only to have Bayley get rammed face first into the buckle.

A spinning face plant gets two for Summer before she chokes Bayley across the ropes and stretches at the same time. We hit a cross arm choke on Bayley but she fights up and hits a jumping back elbow to the jaw for two. The same move from the middle rope gets two more on Summer before the Belly to Bayley is enough to pin Rae at 3:54.

Rating: C-. The match was pretty decent by NXT standards and Bayley continues to be too adorable for words. Every single week this promotion proves that characters can get over if they’re given the time and Bayley is a good example of that. Her character is a super fan obsessed with hugs yet she’s over. Think about that for a minute.

Xavier Woods is here and doesn’t mind that Kane is looking for him.

Colin Cassady vs. Aiden English

Cassady goes right at English in the corner with knees, followed by forearms to the back while spelling S-A-W-F-T. English avoids a charge in the corner and follows up with forearms to the chest and a chinlock. Big Cass fights up and backdrops English to speed things up. A SAWFT elbow drop gets two but English gets in a kick to the knee to slow Cass down, followed by the Director’s Cut for the pin at 2:33. Energetic while it lasted.

Adrian Neville gets a phone call from Tyler Breeze who is standing two feet away. Tyler says this way he can talk to Adrian and not have his eyeballs melt out of his face because of Adrian’s ugly face. They get in an argument over Breeze costing Neville the NXT Title match against Bo Dallas before Tyler implies he wants the title. A match is made for next week.

Xavier Woods vs. ???

Kane comes out to bring up Woods’ petition to bring Big Show back to WWE. That’s still a thing? Tonight it’s time to Woods to be punished by his opponent, Alexander Rusev. Woods tries some forearms to start but runs into a Samoan drop for two. Rusev puts on a nerve hold before dropping elbow after elbow for two. Kane walks around ringside in his suit and glasses, making him look even more creepy than usual. Woods fights back with forearms and a dropkick but Rusev shrugs off the Honor Roll and runs over Woods, setting up the Accolade for the win at 1:55.

Kofi Kingston wants more of Alexander Rusev.

Tyson Kidd vs. Baron Corbin

The much bigger Corbin runs Kidd over to start before forearming him in the face for two. He throws Kidd into the corner and takes him down with another shoulder block for two. A knee staggers Kidd again but he sends Corbin into the middle buckle and slows him down with a dropkick. Another dropkick gets two and a slingshot legdrop to the back of the head sets up a Blockbuster for the pin at 3:09.

Rating: C. This was basically a Corbin squash until the last 45 seconds though. I like the Blockbuster for Kidd as a finisher as it’s something that could take down bigger guys while also being something he could make look convincing despite his size. Corbin came off looking good here too and has a good look to back it up.

Tag Titles: Hunico/Camacho vs. Ascension

Ascension is defending and this is a tornado match, meaning there are no tags, countouts or disqualifications. It’s a brawl to start as it should be with the challengers taking over in the corner. Hunico chops Viktor as the fans want tables. Konnor fights back against Camacho and stomps him down into the corner but Hunico trips up Viktor, allowing Camacho to drop a leg for two.

We take a break and come back with Camacho ramming Konnor face first into the bicycles Hunico and Camacho rode in on. Back inside with Hunico and Camacho raining down right hands in the corner, only to have the champions come out with stereo powerbombs for two each. Hunico is rammed into the bicycle again before Konnor gets two on Camacho with the flapjack. The champions stomp away and Viktor gets two on Hunico via a suplex.

Camacho backdrops Hunico to the apron so Hunico can come in with a cross body to take the champions down and things kick up a notch. Two dropkicks put Ascension down again and a Hunico moonsault gets two on both champions. The Swanton gets two on Konnor but Viktor makes a quick save. Camacho tries a suicide dive to take out Viktor but dives into a forearm. Konnor jumps Hunico from behind and the Fall of Man retains the titles at 8:38 shown of 12:08.

Rating: B. I liked this more than I thought I would with Camacho and Hunico complimenting each other very well. This was in the vein of Demolition against the Hart Foundation with the pure power vs. power and speed. It’s going to be a shame when Ascension gets to the main roster and JBL and Cole spend their entire matches making fun of them.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a show to hold the place for NXT before we get to the new taping cycle and a fresh batch of matches. Thankfully that didn’t make this a boring show as the matches worked for the most part and we have some stuff set up for next week. This show also makes me want to see the Royal Rumble to see which NXT guys can get a cameo in the big match.

Results

Bayley b. Summer Rae – Belly to Bayley

Aiden English b. Colin Cassady – Director’s Cut

Alexander Rusev b. Xavier Woods – Accolade

Tyson Kidd b. Baron Corbin – Blockbuster

Ascension b. Hunico/Camacho – Fall of Man to Hunico

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We stick with the Hispanic names today as we look at Chavo Guerrero Jr. due to it being Chavo Sr.’s birthday.

Of course Chavo is best known as the nephew of Eddie Guerrero and part of the Guerrero Family. He got his start in WCW back in 1996 and in WCW tradition, a career record of 1-1 is enough for a United States Title match, which he received against Ric Flair from August 3, 1996 on WCW Saturday Night.

US Title: Ric Flair vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

The announcers spend most of the match talking about the Outsiders attacking WCW guys in the back at Nitro and Giant vs. Hogan at Hog Wild. Flair and Chavo wrestle to the mat with Flair in control, only to have Chavo nip up and take Ric down by the leg. Back up and Chavo gets the fans clapping so Flair throws him to the floor. Woman rakes Chavo’s eyes but they trade chops back inside, only to have Flair atomic drop Guerrero down. There’s the Figure Four and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special but it’s always cool to see someone who would become a bigger deal getting their start. Chavo was just a guy in trunks who had a much better uncle, but that uncle would eventually play a key role in upgrading Chavo’s career. Nothing match here and the announcers weren’t interested in the action at all.

Chavo would continue to be nothing of note for the next two years until he started associating with his heel Uncle Eddie. This eventually led to Chavo losing a match to Eddie and becoming his unwilling follower. Eddie forced Chavo to be evil, only to have Chavo turn the tables and become insane to the point that Eddie had no idea what to do. They would square off again at Bash at the Beach in a hair vs. hair match.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

Loser gets a haircut. They lock up to start and Eddie leapfrogs him, only to be bitten on the tights, sending him out to the floor. Back in and Eddie asks the referee to look at the injury but Charles Robinson is just fine thank you. Now Chavo wants to dance a bit. A frustrated Eddie kicks the turnbuckle and injures his foot, sending him out to the floor. Eddie throws in a chair but Chavo sits down in it and asks Eddie to come in. Things settle down a bit and Eddie gets on his knees to ask for a handshake. Chavo takes his hand and pulls Eddie into a clothesline as we actually get going.

Eddie hides in the corner at the referee’s knees but gets bitten again as the comedy continues. Eddie finally dropkicks the knee out and sends Chavo into the corner to take over. Some shoulders to Chavo’s back in the corner have him in even more trouble and a gutbuster puts him down again. A low dropkick sets up a slingshot hilo to stay on Chavo’s back and the nephew is in trouble. There’s the Gory Special in the middle of the ring but Chavo gets his legs free, only to be clotheslined right back down.

We hit a camel clutch on Chavo for a bit before Eddie fires off some chops against the ropes. Chavo avoids a dropkick and scores with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Eddie down. Eddie pulls the trunks to send Chavo to the floor and pulls back the mats. The brainbuster is countered though and Chavo suplexes him down onto the exposed concrete. Back in and Chavo goes up again but gets crotched down, setting up an Eddie superplex to put both guys down.

Back up and Chavo launches Eddie over his head and face first into the turnbuckle but Chavo’s frog splash hits knees. Eddie’s tornado DDT (Chavo’s finisher) puts Chavo down and Eddie goes for the scissors. That’s not cool with Little Naitch so Eddie tries the frog splash to a similar result. Now Chavo goes for the scissors but the referee takes them away, allowing Eddie to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating: B-. To no surprise, this was a good match. Chavo has grown up a lot in this feud and the matches are getting better and better every time. I’m digging Chavo being crazy yet brilliant with stuff like the handshake submission earlier. He’s gone from nothing to an interesting character which was the idea all along.

Post match Chavo grabs the electric clippers and shaves his own hair off. He offers to cut Eddie’s as well so they can be twins. Chavo: “You don’t want to cut my hair? What a psycho!” Chavo cuts his own hair and shaves the whole thing off.

Not a lot would happen to Chavo for the next few years other than fighting various cruiserweights. Eventually Vince Russo would become head of creative in WCW and if there’s one thing Russo can do, it’s ensure that everyone has something to do. Therefore, Chavo was turned into Lieutenant Loco and put into a military style group called the Misfits in Action. Chavo would win the Cruiserweight Title on Thunder and defend it at the 2000 Great American Bash against the Disco Inferno.

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

Chavo would stick around the Cruiserweight Title scene until the demise of WCW. He would head over to the WWF and be stuck in the same scene until the tag division on Smackdown started to roll. Yet again Chavo’s career picked up due to being paired with his Uncle Eddie, as he was here at Survivor Series 2002 in an elimination tag match for the Tag Team Titles.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros

Edge and Mysterio are champions and this is under elimination rules. It’s Mysterio vs. Benoit to start which is fine with me. Benoit hits a HARD chop but gets caught in a rana and a flapjack to give Rey what will likely be a short lived advantage. Off to Edge for a double hiptoss before Kurt gets the tag and a big pop. Chavo punches Angle in the back of the head and that’s a tag apparently.

Chavo gets shouldered down but nips up immediately. Off to Mysterio vs. Eddie which is one of those pairings that works no matter what. A headscissors takes Eddie down and it’s off to Kurt to face the masked dude. They’re going very fast paced so far. Angle misses a charge into the post but Rey takes too much time on the top and gets run over by Kurt. The Olympian tags in the psycho who suplexes Rey down for two.

Back to Angle who suplexes Rey down and gets in a cheap shot on Edge. The Angle Slam is countered but Angle clotheslines Rey down instead. Back to Chris as Tazz talks about Los Guerreros not wanting to get in yet. The battling partners tag in again so Angle can put on a front facelock. Rey fights up after about a minute in the hold and kicks Kurt in the face to take him down.

There’s the hot tag to Edge who cleans house with a bunch of suplexes. Eddie comes in and goes to the floor with Rey. Edge misses the spear and gets caught in a Crossface and ankle lock AT THE SAME TIME. Mysterio breaks both parts of the hold up and Chavo pulls Angle to the floor. Rey dives on both of them and Benoit Germans Edge but Eddie comes in off the top to sunset flip Benoit, sending Edge flying in a German for two each. Eddie gets suplexed to the floor with his head smashing into the apron on the way down. FREAKING OW MAN!

Benoit rolls more Germans on Edge (Gee I wonder why he needed neck surgery five months after this) and Eddie hits the Frog Splash on Edge but Benoit hits the Swan Dive on Eddie. Angle Slam and Ankle lock to Eddie while Benoit Crossfaces Edge. Chavo hits Benoit with a belt and throws the belt to Angle. Benoit thinks Angle hit him and Mysterio dropkicks Chris into Angle. Angle and Rey go to the floor and Edge spears Benoit for the elimination. Absolutely amazing sequence there which NEVER STOPPED.

Angle and Benoit destroy Edge and Rey before leaving. They lay out Los Guerreros too for fun. Eddie vs. Edge keeps the match going and Eddie suplexes the Canadian down before it’s off to Chavo. Chavo pounds away on Edge as Los Guerreros double team. We get down to a much more standard tag team formula with Edge playing Ricky Morton. Edge finally comes back with a double clothesline and it’s off to Rey.

Things speed up again with Rey flying all over the place and hitting a headscissors to put Chavo down. Edge spears both guys down and launches Rey up to rana Eddie off the top. That’s another awesome sequence. There’s the 619 to Eddie but Chavo hits Rey in the back to break up the West Coast Pop. Eddie puts on the Lasso From El Paso (a Boston Crab/Sharpshooter hybrid) for the tap and the titles.

Rating: B+. This was a match that felt like it got hacked to death. If you give these guys another 15 minutes (the match ran 20) and take away the belt shots, the match gets a lot better. The first half, as in before the first elimination, is INCREDIBLE. The stuff after that though is good but standard. Still though, these guys were the future of the company and it was a good sign to see them. Combine that with three guys named Batista, Orton and Cena that had debuted earlier in the year and you’ve got the next five years of WWE.

The next few years would not be kind to Chavo as he would stick around the lower midcard in the Cruiserweight Title scene again until he got another new gimmick. Chavo would become Kerwin White, a man very proud of being a middle class white guy. If you don’t get why this bombed, you’re not paying close enough attention. Here’s a rare Kerwin White match from Unforgiven 2005 against Shelton Benjamin.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White

White is Chavo Guerrero who is a golfer and I kid you not, a guy that is very proud of being a middle class white guy. His theme song is about picket fences and soccer moms. He would soon get a caddy named Nick Nemeth who is currently known as Dolph Ziggler. Kerwin’s catchphrase during this period: “If it’s not White, it’s not right.” I mean….WOW. Also, I kid you not, he’s fighting Shelton because Shelton isn’t white. Are you starting to get why people weren’t thrilled with this era?

Shelton rips the sweater off White and the beating is on for the blonde Guerrero. Yes he’s blonde here. Nothing going on to start until Shelton misses a shot and White goes after the knee. Kerwin hooks what we would call the Brock Lock and we intentionally cut to Spanish commentary for some reason. More leg work gets a two count and a Chavo Sucks chant. White charges into a Samoan Drop and both guys are down.

A slugout is won by Shelton who gets two on a backbreaker. Shelton’s leg is ok enough to go up now but he gets crotched. Even the announcers point out how stupid going up there was. Kerwin hits a superplex for two. There’s a half crab to eat up a few seconds. Shelton rolls through into a catapult and White grabs the golf club (wasn’t this a PG show?) but walks into Shelton’s T-Bone Exploder suplex for the pin.

Rating: C-. Shelton was awesome at this point and was probably on the roll of his life but would get lazy and stuck in the midcard forever. Not bad here but the White gimmick was just freaking horrible. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea but they need to be dragged outside and put into that gimmick themselves. That’ll teach them.

The gimmick would be short lived as Eddie would pass away in November of 2005, sending Chavo back to his basic gimmick of just being himself. Eventually Chavo would get into a LONG feud with Rey Mysterio with the two fighting on and off for years. Here’s one of their final matches from Summerslam 2007.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero

For some reason Rey’s torso is covered in silver paint. The fans are all over Chavo to start as you would expect. The heel goes right after the knee of course but Rey slips away before the damage can be done. They do the gymnastics routine out of a test of strength as the fans chant for Eddie. Rey’s paint is already coming off, making him look really stupid. Chavo tries to bend the knee around the ropes but is sent to the floor for a big dive from Mysterio.

Back in and Rey goes up but gets caught in the Tree of Woe which is similar to what hurt his knee in the first place. Guerrero goes right for the knee and asks him if he quits. Off to the Brock Lock (Chavo bends the knee around his neck) but Rey counters into a headscissors. Chavo stays on him though and hooks another leg lock until Rey FINALLY gets out with a kick to the head.

He tries for 619 but the leg gives out, allowing Chavo to put on a half crab. Mysterio finally gets to the ropes but the knee is still too hurt to follow up. This time it’s Chavo going up but getting pulled down into the Tree of Woe so Rey can go after the knee. The paint is entirely off Rey’s chest now, making it look like he’s been fixing up his house.

Rey hits a seated senton off the apron before hitting a hard kick to the head for two. Chavo catches a springboard moonsault press but gets countered into a tornado DDT for two. Chavo comes right back with a Gory Bomb for two followed by two of the Three Amigos. Rey spins out of the third and takes Chavo into the ropes for the 619 and the springboard splash for the pin.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but at the end of the day there was no doubt that Rey was winning at all. It wasn’t boring but I liked last year’s action more. The story this year was better, but the paint and the obvious ending didn’t do it any favors. Chavo doesn’t work that well as a heel whatsoever.

That’s about it as far as important stuff for Chavo in WWE. He has a run with the ECW Title while being part of La Familia, both of which went nowhere before having one of the worst feuds of all time against Hornswoggle. Chavo was little more than a lower card act and a jobber to the stars for the rest of his WWE run, lasting a few more years. He would join Indian promotion Ring Ka King and Lucha Libre USA which didn’t last long. Eventually he wound up in TNA in a tag team with Hernandez, who received a tag title shot at Bound For Glory 2012.

Tag Titles: Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero Jr vs. AJ Styles/Kurt Angle

Angle and AJ come out separately. Wes Brisco is in the front row and I’d bet we’ll see him later. Daniels and Kaz are in orange and black to start jokes from Taz. Chavo and AJ start things off and in a strange visual, Angle and Hernandez are standing on the same side of the apron. Daniels and Kaz are chilling on the floor. This starts with the usual technical goodness you would expect from these two.

Off to Angle who stomps Chavo down in the corner and Chavo has some tape on his shoulder. Angle slams Chavo down on said shoulder and Daniels blind tags Kurt to come in and….scratch that as Angle stays in. Off to AJ vs. Hernandez with the big guy throwing AJ around and getting two off a splash. Kaz tags himself in to stomp on AJ but there’s the drop down/kick and it’s back to Kurt.

Chavo comes in to face Kaz and some good basic wrestling takes Kazarian down. Hernandez drops Kaz with a backbreaker and it’s back to Chavo to dropkick the freshly tagged in Daniels. AJ comes back in because we can’t have a PPV without Daniels vs. AJ right? A clothesline puts AJ down and it’s time for some pelvic thrusting. The champs hit a double team move with Daniels hiptossing Kaz into AJ for two.

Kaz puts on a full nelson of all things on Styles but a quick Pele takes Kaz right back down. There’s the hot tag to Kurt who beats up everyone in sight. He snaps off some suplexes and counters a sunset flip into an ankle lock on Daniels. There go the straps but Angle misses a charge in the corner and hits the post. Angle shrugs that off and suplexes Kaz onto Daniels for two.

Kaz comes back in with the slingshot DDT on Angle but Hernandez comes back in and takes out Kaz. Daniels smacks AJ in the face and there’s no one in the ring. Daniels dives onto Angle from the apron and there’s the REAL big dive from Hernandez to take everyone out. Kaz tries a rana off the top to Hernandez off the apron but Hernandez goes the wrong way and Kaz basically crashes on his shoulder in a SICK looking landing.

AJ gets the attention off Kazarian by hitting a BIG dive on the champs and Hernandez. Kaz is at least sitting up now. Chavo suplexes Angle over the top and back in as he rolls some suplexes. Angle Slam out of nowhere puts Chavo down and a double suplex takes SuperMex down as well. Kaz is back in with a clothesline to take Daniels down and the BME gets a VERY close two on AJ.

Chavo sends Kaz to the floor and hits another big dive to take him out. Angel’s Wings are broken up by Styles and the moonsault into the reverse DDT takes Daniels down. Hernandez actually tags in and hits a slingshot shoulder block followed by the Border Toss. Chavo hits a Frog Splash to give Hernandez (the legal man) the pin on Daniels and the titles.

Rating: B. This was a good match from these six as you would expect, but it didn’t really get close to the other matches that the teams have had before. That has to be expected though and this was certainly entertaining. All the dives were great, but man alive someone is going to get hurt badly from one of them one day. Daniels and Kaz losing makes sense as they’ve done almost all they can with the belts at this point.

Overall, Chavo is a guy who has talent but people are only going to be interested in his opponents instead of Chavo himself. Most of his career was spent working with either Eddie Guerrero or Rey Mysterio and more often than not, the feuds didn’t spark a lot of interest. Chavo’s matches were far better than his stories but he was never going to be a top star. While not in a major promotion at the moment, he’d be a valuable name for any indy company that needs a veteran.

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XWF Episode 2
Date: November 13, 2001
Location: Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Tony Schiavone

The debut episode of this show was, shall we say, horrible. Unfortunately there’s no time between the tapings to fix those things as these episodes were all taped in a two day span. The only good thing that could come out of this would be those wrestlers aren’t likely to work again on this show…unless those guys were their best. In that case I might be in the need of a well crafted noose. Let’s get to it.

Hart and Knobbs hype up the second episode and recap the first. We need a recap for a show that was on the same DVD set as this one?

This week’s episode opens with another recap of last week’s episode.

Juventud Guerrera/Psychosis vs. Ray Gonzalez/Konnan

Gonzalez is a big deal in Puerto Rico and I’m sure you know everyone else. Konnan and Psychosis get us going with Konnan taking him down four times in a row including twice by armdrags before bringing in Gonzalez. Ray tries to drop down but Guerrera drops an elbow on the back, only to have Gonzalez pop back up and choke Juvy to the mat. Guerrera comes back with a LOUD spinwheel kick before Psychosis comes back in for a double dropkick.

Psychosis gets two off a legdrop and Juvy gets the same off a springboard version of the same move. Ray comes back with an enziguri to Juvy and it’s hot tag to Konnan who speeds things up. A DDT puts Psychosis down and a double hiptoss gets two on Juvy. Guerrera comes right back with the Juvy driver to Ray but Konnan breaks up the 450, allowing Gonzalez to hit a swinging neckbreaker on Guerrera for the pin.

Rating: D+. I think the match had the potential to be good but it went by so fast that I could barely tell. This match needed to be about twice as long for the story they were trying to tell which has been the problem for a lot of the matches that this promotion has had so far. It’s ok to give a match more than four minutes and letting it develop.

That’s enough wrestling so here’s Rena Mero (Sable) flanked by security with something to say. She talks about how great this company can be but Gene interrupts her to ask about Roddy Piper overstepping his boundaries in the Hennig vs. Vampiro match last week. Cue Roddy to defend himself (I think, as his music drowns out the start of his speech) and say he’s taken many things into his own hands but Sable hasn’t been one of them…..yet.

She says Piper promised to avoid getting physical but thinks there might be a fire burning under his kilt. Piper rants about something the audio doesn’t pick up until Vampiro comes in. He thanks Sable for her confidence in the locker room’s abilities and Sable says make the most of it. One more thing: Sable wants Piper to hire Josh Matthews from Tough Enough, which gets a pop for some reason. Piper is cool with the idea and makes Matthews vs. Vampiro.

Big Vito wants to fight the best in the XWF.

The South Philly Posse (Public Enemy) walks past a bus stop and hits on a woman who is clearly a hooker.

The announcers talk for a bit until Simon Diamond comes out to yell at Jerry Lawler for his comments about Simon last week. Those comments were so quick that I don’t even remember them but apparently they were about Dawn Marie not having any class. Simon insults Lawler’s chick named Kitten and we’ve got a match.

Jerry Lawler vs. Simon Diamond

Lawler takes him into the corner for right hand but Johnny Swinger runs in for a double team. Jerry gets double teamed but Simon hits Swinger by mistake. Lawler cleans house and piledrives Simon for the pin in about 90 seconds. Again, less than nothing.

Sonny Onoo has a guy named Vapor. These vignettes are maybe ten seconds each.

Hail vs. Knuckles

Knuckles is a jobber who hasn’t seemed to fight anywhere of note other than in the XWF. Corner splash, modified belly to belly superplex, shoulder breaker, legdrop, Hail wins.

AJ Styles promises to prove he’s the best cruiserweight in the XWF. If you think he’s a country hick now, you would be blown away here. He sounds like a guy imitating a country wrestler.

Knobs and Hart recap the other half of last week’s show.

Horace and Greg Valentine are ticked off that they’re not on the card tonight. They complain to Piper who makes Horace vs. Josh Matthews next week.

Johnny B. Badd vs. Norman Smiley

Badd is way slimmer than he was in his WWF days. Smiley shoulder blocks him down and follows up with a hiptoss before stopping for a dance. Badd comes back with a headlock takeover of his own but stops to pose, allowing Norman to score with some uppercuts in the corner. A slam and clothesline drop Johnny for two and we hit the chinlock.

Jerry talks about Norman having a match last week, even though this is the first match we’ve seen him have. Badd fights up but Norman clotheslines him right back down. A delayed butterfly suplex gets two for Norman and it’s off to an abdominal stretch on the mat. Back up and Badd easily picks Norman up for the TKO and the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m having a hard time coming up with stuff to say about these matches. Norman was doing his best amateur and technical stuff out there but Badd literally did nothing but basic moves before hitting the TKO for the win. Nothing to see here, which should be the motto of this company rather than In Your Face.

Drezden is still coming.

Nasty Boys vs. Shane Twins

Since it was SO interesting last week. Actually there are no Nastys but here are some replacements.

Shane Twins vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors jump the Twins to start and again the audio issues flare up as we can’t hear the commentary over the ring noise. Mike and Animal get things going with Animal breaking out of a wristlock and clotheslining Mike down. Off to Hawk for some loud chops which send Mike out to the floor. The fans are entirely behind the LOD here but Mike gets Hawk to chase him back inside and suplexes him down for two.

Hawk is sent shoulder first into the post and out to the floor on his head. Back in and Todd forearms Hawk down for two and pounds away in the corner. Hawk staggers out and collides with Todd to put both guys down, setting up a double tag to Animal and Mike. Animal easily beats up both Shane Twins by himself and there’s the Doomsday Device to Mike but the Nasty Boys hit the ring and pull out the referee for the DQ.

Rating: C-. That’s almost out of pity more than anything else. The match wasn’t anything to see but it’s the longest match of the tapings thus far, running less than four and a half minutes. However, it advances a story and gives us somewhere to go from here so there’s at least something there. It’s going towards Nasty Boys vs. Road Warriors but it’s better than nothing.

The Nasty Boys bail and the Road Warriors raise the Twins’ hands.

Jimmy Snuka and Jimmy Snuka Jr. are here.

Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

Buff is a face again after doing that mid match heel turn last week. Hennig is sent to the corner so Buff can do his strut while Hennig bails to the floor. Back in and Curt takes Buff into the corner for some loud chops, only to be dropkicked out to the floor. Buff tries to pull him back inside but Curt snaps his throat across the top rope to take over. We hit the nerve hold for a few seconds before it’s off to standard choking.

Buff gets caught in an abdominal stretch but it lasts about ten seconds, just like everything else. A bad looking Boston Crab from Hennig lasts about as long but Bagwell comes back with a jawbreaker and clotheslines. In a bad looking ending, Buff goes to the middle rope for the Blockbuster but Heenan shoves him off the ropes (referee doesn’t care) and into the PerfectPlex (Bagwell’s shoulder was up, referee doesn’t care) for the pin.

Rating: D. WE BROKE FIVE MINUTES!!! Indeed we did but the match sucked. The holds lasting a few seconds at a time got really annoying because there was no reason for Hennig to let them go. He just dropped them like he was playing No Mercy which is stupid in video games and horrible looking in the real world. Horrible looking match.

Post match Vampiro comes out to yell about Heenan but gets beaten down by Curt. Buff makes the save but Ian Harrison comes out to beat up both guys. This brings out Roddy Piper with a chair to make the real save but Sable and her security come out to yell at him to end the show.

Hart and Knobbs wrap it up.

Overall Rating: D-. This show isn’t making me mad, but rather making me wonder how much longer there is to go with it. The show is starting to get some ideas together but none of the ideas are any good. At the end of the day, this is a nostalgia show and not a very good one. These guys weren’t incredibly old at the time, but there was no way they thought this was going to last more than a few months tops. It was somewhat better this time but they had nowhere to go but up.

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Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re in the Monday Night Wars era now and it’s all about Shawn at the moment. He’s back from injury and in the Rumble tonight, looking to become the second person ever to win back to back Rumbles. Other than that we’ve got Bret vs. Undertaker which is another of those matches that can be hit or miss. It’s hard to say what we’ll get here….well not really because I’ve seen this show a bunch of times. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The IC Title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at IYH, Jarrett hit Johnson with a gold record to set this up. Johnson is basically Ezekiel Jackson with a bit of skill and charisma. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed is like boy are you stupid or something? A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two for Ahmed and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A cross body misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a FREAKING SWANTON (remember that he weighs like 280) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the LAME DQ.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Mania, but he isn’t happy with Taker being the #1 contender.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly, giving us a nice upskirt shot in the process.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Donnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Donnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

Hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the Donnas load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Donnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust, where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept VERY short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Horowitz, Vader and Shawn. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1, having lost a match on the Free for All to Duke Droese, who won the right to be #30. Henry Godwinn is #2 and I believe he’s feuding with HHH at this point. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. The intervals are back to two minutes this year thank goodness. Trips pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to the face of Godwinn. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an ERUPTION. No one is eliminated yet. Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chickenwing and is eliminated by Yoko for a prize. Yoko crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yoko, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor wasn’t in more Rumbles. Come to think of it….he was NEVER in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Godwinn, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, the Kid and Omori in the match.

Wait where is Godwinn? I guess he went out off camera. Yoko and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yoko to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yoko to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yoko and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yoko is on one side of the ring for some reason. Vader and Yoko double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yoko.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yoko slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn thrown Jim Cornette, Vader’s manager, out. Hakushi hits a Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap over his face) is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly (why is he still in this?) in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin who is brand new here) is #24. He’s in white boots which is a really strange thing to see for him.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and LAUNCHES him to the floor. The Game made it about 48 minutes which isn’t bad at all. MAKING A DIFFERENCE Fatu (don’t ask. PLEASE don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (Kane) at #27. The ring is WAY too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match. Shawn hangs on AGAIN though and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu GOES OFF on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a MUCH weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s FAR better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

Oh yeah we’ve got a thirty minute match left to go.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Taker is still in his skull mask period. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Taker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the world champion. Taker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and Taker stares at him.

Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner which is one of my favorite of his moves. He chokes Bret in the air and moves very slowly. Off to a smother hold which goes on for a LONG time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Bret fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Taker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Taker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Taker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage Taker’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Taker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Taker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, Taker smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Taker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Taker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. Dear goodness get this over with already. We’re over twenty minutes into this and NOTHING has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Taker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as Taker’s knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Taker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Taker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but Taker sits up. The bulldog takes Taker down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Taker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Taker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Taker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Taker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

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