Royal Rumble 2000
Date: January 23, 2000
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,231
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

After sitting through 1998 and 1999, this is my reward. What we have here might be the best Rumble show of them all with one of the best matches ever and a great Rumble on top of it. 2000 is the best in ring year the company ever had and this was a great way to kick that year off. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cactus Jack challenging HHH for the world title in a street fight. This is that “one of the best matches ever” that I was talking about. The idea is simple: Cactus wants the title back and he’s facing HHH in a street fight, which means HHH is in WAY over his head. We’re in Foley’s hometown in Foley’s match with Foley’s most hardcore character. How can this not be a masterpiece?

Kurt Angle vs. ???

Angle is undefeated at this point. Kurt says he’s a real winner here, unlike the New York Knicks. This is goofy Kurt, which means he’s hilarious. He says that the mystery opponent must be scared to come face him, but the opponent needs to take a deep breath, come out here, and face Angle like a man. The self-help thing here is hilarious. The fans chant WE WANT TAZ….and here he is!

Kurt Angle vs. Tazz

Tazz pounds away on Angle and hits a HUGE backdrop to send him to the floor. Angle escapes a suplex in the aisle (painted like a street with a big cab hanging above the entrance, which looks like an alley. It’s really cool) and takes over. Back in and Kurt hits a forearm for two and chokes away in the corner. A belly to belly puts Tazz down but Angle goes up and gets crotched. Tazz hits a super Tazplex for two before getting rolled up for two. Angle gets two more off a bridging German before walking into a release German from Tazz. We unleash the suplexes on Kurt before the Tazmission ends Angle’s undefeated streak.

Rating: C+. This was short, but to say it was an effective debut is an understatement. The place ERUPTED when Tazz won which is exactly the point of the opening match. See, this is what you call LISTENING to the audience. WWF knew they had to appeal to the ECW fans and what better way than to have Tazz debut here? Today, Tazz would be in some comedy match and would likely lose, because Heaven forbid that the fans get what they want in one city for one night.

Angle does a stretcher job.

We go to the Hardys in the back and get a clip of them and the Dudleys putting each other through tables. Terri, the Hardys’ manager here, is told to stay in the back. She would be gone from the team soon, thank goodness.

Tazz says Angle is just the first victim.

Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz

I believe match #1 or #2 in a series of roughly 8000 and it’s an elimination tables match. Bubba praises John Rocker of the Braves who had recently gone on a massive anti-New York rant in Sports Illustrated. The Hardys hit the ring and the match starts fast with Bubba hitting the Bubba Bomb on Jeff. No tags here thank goodness. Bubba sets up a table in the ring but before he can get another one, Jeff takes him out with a HUGE flip dive.

Jeff gets sent into the steps as Matt escapes a powerbomb through the table. D-Von suplexes Matt as Jeff CRACKS Bubba in the head with a chair. In a SICK spot, Jeff tries to run the railing but Bubba throws the table at Jeff, knocking him out of the air. That sounded GREAT. The pairings trade off and Bubba loads up the backsplash through the table, only for Jeff to come back and try a double superplex. D-Von moves the table but doesn’t stop the suplex.

Matt brings in a ladder because this might as well be a TLC style match. We head to the floor where the ladder is set up in front of a table with Bubba on it. Matt dives through Bubba through the table just as Jeff dives in from off camera with a splash, sending Bubba through the table in another awesome looking spot. So it’s 2-1 now with Jeff leaning a table up against the barricade. The steps are set up on their end and a table is set up like a bridge between the steps and the apron.

D-Von is placed on the bridged table but moves before Matt dives through him. He moves AGAIN to avoid a diving Jeff, sending him through the leaning table. Cool sequence there by Ninja D-Von. Apparently Bubba doesn’t have to leave. Ok that makes things more interesting. The Dudleys set up two steps in the ring and put a table across them before hitting a HUGE powerbomb on Matt to eliminate (in a sense) him. The tables are LOUD tonight too. Jeff gets beaten into the aisle but Matt quickly follows, only to get WHACKED in the head with a chair.

The Dudleys stack up four tables in front of the entrance (it’s the MSG setup where the entrance is opposite the cameras). Matt gets put on the tables and Jeff is CRACKED in the head again to break up the save attempt. Bubba climbs onto the taxi over the aisle to splash Matt, but remember that wouldn’t win the match. Jeff climbs up after him (I’m not sure where D-Von went) and blasts him with a chair, knocking him through two of the tables (still doesn’t win). Matt puts D-Von on the table and Jeff dives off the taxi with the Swanton through D-Von through the table for the win.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME with all four guys being young and hungry here. The Dudleys were out to prove themselves and the Hardys were out to show they could hang in a fight. They had already proven they could fight in a violent match like the ladder match, but this was a brawl instead of a high flying match. REALLY fun stuff here though and well worth a look if you haven’t seen it. The Dudleys would get the titles next month, setting up the first triangle ladder match at Mania.

Angle gets a concussion test and complains that being choked out is illegal.

It’s time for the Miss Rumble Bikini contest with Sgt. Slaughter, Tony Garea, Moolah, Johnny V, FREDDY FREAKING BLASSIE and Andy Richter from Late Night with Conan O’Brien as judges. Jerry gets to emcee of course. The contestants are Ivory, Terri, Kat, Jackie, BB (You shouldn’t remember her) and Luna. The idea here is that Kat legitimately took her top off (full exposure too, the only intentional female nudity in WWF history) at Armageddon and more nudity was promised here.

Ivory doesn’t want to do it but eventually does. Terri does her usual skin colored one which we’ve seen before. Lawler freaks out over her bending over the ropes. Jackie…no one cares. BB isn’t bad but again, the whole point of this is for Kat to win. Luna won’t show. Kat is in a bikini made of bubble wrap. Creative if nothing else. The judges start tallying their scores but here’s Mae Young to enter as well. She takes off her robe, and THERE is the nudity (it was fake). Mae wins to complete the joke. Lawler’s reaction of “OH MY GOD I SAW THEM” is priceless. Mark Henry comes in to save our collective retinas.

The recently hired Coach doesn’t have much to say from WWF New York.

Chyna and Jericho, the co-IC Champions, argue over who gets to wear the belt to the ring. There was a double pin in a title match and they became co-champions as a result, which is a pretty creative idea.

Angle says he’s still undefeated. Rock would pin him on Smackdown a few weeks later.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

You know Jericho is fired up to be in MSG. He talks about how awesome his championship celebration will be, as it will make the millennium celebration look like his sister’s seventh birthday party. Holly piefaces Chyna down to start before getting in a slap fight with Jericho. Chyna gets sent to the floor for the Slaughter fall, leaving the blondes to fight for a bit. Holly hits that perfect dropkick of his but Jericho comes back with the forearm.

They slug it out until Holly tries a rana (huh?), only to get caught in the Walls. Chyna makes the save, basically turning heel at the same time. Chyna sends Holly to the floor and gets drilled by Jericho. Holly and Chyna go to the floor where Jericho tries a dive but slips and only hits Holly. Back in and there’s the handspring elbow and DDT from Chyna to the Canadian for two. Everyone heads to the floor where Jericho saves Chyna from a chair shot. Back in and both champions go up for a kind of double splash for two.

They both tried for a cover and a fight breaks out as a result. Chyna escapes a belly to back suplex and hits Jericho low, followed by a Pedigree for two on Holly. Chyna goes up but gets caught in a modified Doomsday Device (cross body instead of a clothesline) for a very close two. That probably should have been the finish. Now Jericho loads up a superplex but gets crotched for his efforts. Holly gets superplexed by Chyna but gets two on her off the bounce. Chyna chairs Holly in the head and puts on the Walls, only to have Jericho break it up and hit the Lionsault for the undisputed title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C+. This was pretty good and too short to get bad. It could have been on Raw but see, back in 2000, there was this crazy idea of finishing angles on PPV. I know that’s insane now and everything ends in a big match on Raw or rather just stops happening one day, but back in the old days, they ended like this. Match was fine.

Rock is worried about two and only two men in the Rumble: Crash Holly and Headbanger Mosh. Cole (minus facial hair) suggests maybe Rock should be worried about, say, Big Show. Rock says go make a glass of shut up juice (not one of his better catchphrases) and tells Big Show he doesn’t care what he thinks. He guarantees to win the Rumble right here in New York City and the place eats it up. I want one of those jerseys he’s wearing.

Jericho says he said he’d win and he’ll lead the Jerichoholics like a pied piper.

Tag Titles: Acolytes vs. New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws are defending and there’s a backstory that doesn’t deserve to be listed. Who would have thought that THIRTEEN YEARS LATER the Outlaws would be on house shows for the WWE again? The Outlaws are heels here but they’re over like free beer in a frat house here in New York. The APA storms the ring and the beating is on quickly. Bradshaw and Billy officially get us started with Billy taking a fast beating. Both guys tag as the referee is adjusting his ear piece.

Faarooq imitates Dogg’s dance before getting double teamed a bit. Bradshaw breaks up the shaky knee drop and everything breaks down. The Clothesline kills Billy and there’s the spinebuster to Roadie….but Billy pulls the referee out. The ref is bumped and Road Dogg is hit with a double powerbomb. X-Pac runs in and kicks Bradshaw’s head off. The Fameasser to the future JBL retains the titles in like two and a half minutes. This had to be cut for time. The Outlaws would lose the titles to the Dudleys next month and that would be the end of the team.

Dogg rhymes about keeping the titles.

We recap HHH vs. Cactus Jack. HHH won the title the night after Summerslam from Mankind via cheating. Big Show got the title at Survivor Series but lost it back to HHH in January. Mankind stood up to the newly formed McMahon-Helmsley Era and got beaten down for his efforts. Foley got fired and we had a fake Mankind get humiliated. Rock then said that every single wrestler would walk out and form the Rock Wrestling Federation if Foley wasn’t rehired. See how different storylines could be back then? Mankind got HHH to agree to a street fight at the Rumble but got beaten up for his efforts.

This led to an AWESOME promo on Smackdown, where Mankind said he wasn’t ready to face HHH in a street fight, but he knew someone who did. He took off his mask and ripped open his shirt to reveal Cactus Jack, scaring HHH to death. These two, as in Cactus Jack and HHH, had fought in 1997 in the match that basically brought hardcore to the WWF and they did it in MSG, with Cactus winning clean. This was an excellent story and there was a VERY real feeling that Cactus could pull this off, because HHH was in WAY over his head. Check out the build to this match as it’s some of the best stuff you’ll EVER see.

WWF World Title: Cactus Jack vs. HHH

Street fight. It should also be noted that Foley lost about 30 pounds inside of a month and a half and is by far the slimmest you’ll ever see him look here. HHH does the long slow walk to the ring which makes things feel even more epic. Stephanie heads to the back which is probably a good thing. Dang I miss that big title. It’s SO much better looking than the stupid spinner version. Even now when it doesn’t spin it doesn’t look like something special but rather something like a toy. The belt on HHH looks classy.

Cactus looks like and animal and HHH looks terrified. Jack wins a quick slugout and pounds HHH down into the corner. We head to the floor for a swinging neckbreaker on HHH and a legdrop onto the apron knocks the Game back to the floor. HHH is rammed into various metal objects but comes back with a bell shot to take over. NOW we get to the fun part as the first chair is brought in.

Back in and Jack charges right into a chair shot like an idiot. Granted for him, that’s playing the character right. HHH goes to unhook the buckle instead of covering for some reason and Jack pops up to clothesline the champ down. There’s a legdrop onto a chair onto HHH’s head for two and we head outside again. HHH gets backdropped into the crowd and the beating begins again. JR: “They’re out in the sea of humanity.” Jerry: “Humanity? JR we’re in New York.”

HHH gets rammed into something made of metal that we can’t see and they head into the aisle. Cactus sets up a wooden pallet and suplexes HHH onto it before screaming in his face. This isn’t falls count anywhere mind you. There’s a trashcan to the head and HHH gets rammed into the steel doors. The fans chant for Foley as he gets suplexed onto the trashcan. The crowd is just RUTHLESS against HHH here as they head back to the ring. The aisle is really short so it’s not a long walk.

Jack rams a knee into HHH’s head to drive it into the steps and it’s back inside now. This is almost all Jack so far. There’s the 2×4 in barbed wire but HHH hits him low to get the board away. Some shots to Cactus’ ribs and back have him in trouble and HHH looks at the board as if to say “did I just do that?” Cactus blocks a shot to the head and hits HHH in the balls with the board. The double arm DDT puts HHH down as the referee takes the board out of the ring, drawing the loudest booing of the ngiht.

Cactus wants the board back and beats up the Spanish announce team who the board was left with. He gets a board (clearly not the same one but that’s likely for safety reasons) and after the referee is crushed, HHH gets hit in the forehead with the wire. The board is driven into HHH’s forehead and he’s busted something fierce now. The referee is back up now and we get the most famous spot of the match with Jack ripping the wire across HHH’s cut to make him scream.

Cactus tries to piledrive HHH through the announce table (same thing he won the 97 match with) but HHH counters with a backdrop. JR: “The champion is bleeding like a horse.” When does a horse bleed? HHH is bleeding from his leg which is a rare sight to see. The place LOUDLY cheers for Foley and we head back inside. The Pedigree is countered into a slingshot into the post and a bulldog on the wire gets two.

HHH has a spot called to him about the steps before the Cactus Clothesline takes them both to the floor. Cactus charges but gets hiptossed into the steps, banging his knee in the process. You know a Flair disciple like HHH knows how to work on a knee. Back inside and HHH clips him down before picking up the barbed wire for another shot to the knee. HHH pulls out some handcuffs in a flashback to last year.

Cactus fights back and hits HHH in the head with the cuffs in a smart move. The cuffs are locked up a few seconds later though and HHH starts pounding away. The steps are brought in but Foley comes out of nowhere with a drop toehold to send HHH face first into the steel. A low blow keeps HHH down and Cactus bites away. HHH gets back up and grabs a chair which he literally BREAKS over the back of Cactus. They head outside again and Cactus takes some shots to the head from the chair.

Cactus says hit me again but before HHH can crush the skull, Rock pops out of nowhere and blasts HHH in the head with a chair of his own. A cop comes in and unlocks the cuffs, freeing Cactus. HHH starts backpedaling fast but gets caught on the Spanish Announce Table. The piledriver hits this time but the table DOESN’T BREAK.

We haven’t gotten violent enough yet, so here’s a bag of thumbtacks. Stephanie comes out (complete with snakeskin choker in a nod to Cactus) and HHH comes back with a backdrop onto the tacks. There’s the Pedigree but Cactus kicks out at two to blow the roof off the place. It doesn’t last long though as a Pedigree ONTO THE TACKS finally ends Cactus.

Overall Rating: A+. FREAKING OW MAN! If there’s a match that made a guy into a legitimate force better than this one made HHH, I’d love to see it. This was an absolute war with both guys destroying each other for about 27 minutes. The place never gave up on Foley and it’s easily one of his best matches ever. This is one of the best brawls ever and yet again it’s well worth checking out.

HHH is taken out on a stretcher but Cactus pulls him back into the arena. There’s a barbed wire shot to the head and the place cheers like crazy for Mick some more.

Linda is at WWF New York to talk about HHH’s title reign. Wait no she’s not. She would NEVER be involved with something involving bloodshed. And Stephanie is oh so precious and does SO much work for charity don’t you know.

Royal Rumble

The intervals are “two minutes or less” according to the Fink. We get a quick look at Shawn’s miracle save in 95 which would play a role in the coming weeks. D’Lo Brown is #1 and Grandmaster Sexay is #2. Feeling out process to start with Sexay countering Brown’s running powerbomb into a rana. A middle rope missile dropkick puts Brown down and Mosh, complete with cones on his chest, is #3.

Kai En Tai, two guys ticked off about not being in the Rumble, runs in and are immediately thrown out. Nothing else happens for a minute or so until Christian (with his AWESOME solo theme called Blood Brother. Look it up) is #4. Nothing happens again so here’s Rikishi to a POP at #5. Mosh, Christian and Brown are quickly dispatched, leaving Grandmaster and Rikishi.

Scotty 2 Hotty is #6 to complete the trio…..and it’s time to DANCE! The place absolutely loses it over this until Rikishi clotheslines and eliminates them both. Note that it is NOT a heel turn and just business, which Too Cool is ok with. Rikishi dances a bit more on his own and the place is still erupting.

The company took notice of those eruptions too, and the three of them wound up feuding with the Radicalz for the next four months or so, resulting in Too Cool getting the tag titles and Rikishi getting the IC Title. In other words, they were given a stupid gimmick, got it over, and were rewarded. Today, you get to lose the US Title to Jack Swagger and become a jobber to the stars if you get yourselves over. As I typed that, Steve Blackman came in at #7 and was eliminated.

Viscera is #8 and you know New York loves itself a fat boy battle. Big Visc rams into him a few times but misses a charge and three straight superkicks put him him. Big Boss Man is #9 and won’t get in, drawing some good heel heat. He stays out on the floor until Test is #10. Test pounds away on Boss Man to finally get all three guys in there. Boss Man hits Test low but Rikishi hits Test low to put both guys down.

British Bulldog is #11 as things slow down a bit. There’s a low blow for Rikishi as well and Bulldog tries to get him out until Gangrel is #12. Kai En Tai comes out again and Taka is thrown over the top into a 360, landing face first on the floor. FREAKING OW MAN. This would be played multiple times over the rest of the match, much to Lawler’s amusement. Edge (starting to mean something and over in New York) is #13.

Boss Man takes a Banzai Drop and Bob freaking Backlund is #14. He comes out to Hail to the Chief as he’s legitimately running for Congress in Connecticut at this point. You would think that would have been a tip for Linda’s future but alas no. Everyone goes after Rikishi and dumps him out to get us to the second part of the match. To recap, we’ve got Boss Man, Bulldog, Test, Gangrel, Backlund and Edge in there at the moment. Jericho is #15 to his third or fourth big pop of the night.

Jericho goes right for Edge in a match that would be for the world title eventually. That doesn’t last long though as Jericho dumps Backlund, who yells at some fans before leaving. Actually he goes into the crowd to look for Connecticut registered voters. For a guy as bland as he was back in the day, Crazy Backlund is one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

Crash is #16 and gets a double spanking from Edge and Bulldog. Ok then. Edge is sent to the apron by Bulldog so he punches the British Boy in the balls. Chyna is #17 in the far less remembered Rumble appearance. She goes right for Jericho and suplexes him out in about 30 seconds but gets knocked out by Boss Man almost immediately. Faarooq is #18 and here’s the Mean Street Posse who is also out of the Rumble. Those three and Kai En Tai were all thrown out of the Rumble on Heat so five more guys could be added in.

Anyway Faarooq is quickly dumped and Road Dogg is #19. The crowd does his entrance for him but he runs right into a low blow. The fans want Puppies, a term Road Dogg invented. Crash survives an elimination and Al Snow is #20. Roadie throws out the Bulldog and Val Venis is #21. Funaki runs in on his own and is thrown out almost immediately again. Prince Albert (Tensai) is #22 and there goes Edge.

The ring is getting too full now with Boss Man, Test, Gangrel, Crash, Road Dogg, Snow, Venis and Albert. Dogg continues his strategy: hide in the corner and wrap all four limbs around the bottom rope. I’ve heard worse ideas. Hardcore Holly is #23 and we’re getting down to almost only big names left. Crash gets knocked to the apron but gets back in AGAIN.

Now we get to the final part of the match as The Rock is #24 to bring everyone to their feet. Boss Man is the first victim, being eliminated by a spit punch. Venis and Test double team him but Rock hangs on in the corner. He beats up Hardcore for a bit as Billy Gunn is #25. He goes right for Rocky but since no one believes Billy Gunn is going to eliminate Rock, the Great One throws out Crash to give himself something to do instead. Dogg has shifted over to another corner now.

Big Show, Rock’s opponent for this match, is #26. Rocky pounds on him immediately but Albert sticks his fat head in Rock’s business. Show dumps Gangrel and Test before going to stomp on Rocky. Bradshaw is #27 and is out in about 30 seconds at the hands of the Outlaws and the Mean Street Posse. Kane is #28 complete with the still sexy Tori. Venis gets thrown out almost immediately and Show stupidly gorilla presses Gunn down instead of out. Kane knocks Albert out as Godfather is #29. The Ho’s are especially good looking tonight.

Funaki comes out for the fourth time. JR: “For the love of Pete.” Jerry: “No that’s Funaki.” X-Pac is #30 which was announced in advance. The final group is Road Dogg, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Rock, Gunn, Show, Kane, Godfather and X-Pac. Snow dumps Holly and Show puts Godfather out. Rock dumps Snow to get us to six. Billy dumps a talking too much Roadie just before getting dumped by Show.

We’ve got X-Pac, Kane, Big Show and Rock as the final four. I’ve seen far worse. Rock throws out X-Pac but the referee is with Kane who is fighting the Outlaws on the floor. Pac gets back in and the guys pair off. Show sends Rock into Kane for a big boot as the giants choke each other. Pac kicks Rock down and Kane hits a pretty good enziguri and an even better slam on Big Show. Pac kicks Kane out and a Bronco Buster on Big Show.

Rock dumps X-Pac and we’re down to two. The spinebuster sets up the Elbow but since IT’S JUST A FREAKING ELBOW DROP, Show gets up and chokeslams Rock down. Show takes WAY too much time though and Rock holds onto the top rope, sending Big Show out to go to Wrestlemania. Awesome ending to an awesome match.

Rating: A. AWESOME Rumble here with the absolute right ending. This was the Rock’s Rumble and there was no other person who should have won it. The only part that was a little dull here was the middle but it’s certainly not bad. This followed the three part structure as all great Rumbles do and as usual, it worked like a charm. Great Rumble and one that might have a claim to best ever.

Rock says he’s going to Wrestlemania when Big Show comes in and knocks him to the floor. Show stands in the ring as Rock leaves to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This is one of the best shows the WWF has ever put on. Period. There isn’t a bad match on the whole card, the crowd is ON FIRE all night and you have two excellent matches to round out the show. I can’t imagine anything in the next 12 years surpassing this one and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Outstanding show.

Ratings Comparison

Tazz vs. Kurt Angle

Original: A-

Redo: C+

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz

Original: A

Redo: B+

Chris Jericho vs. Chyna vs. Hardcore Holly

Original: C

Redo: C+

New Age Outlaws vs. Acolytes

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

HHH vs. Cactus Jack

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Royal Rumble

Original: A-

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A

Still great and still the best Rumble ever.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/19/royal-rumble-count-up-2000-match-of-the-decade-maybe-yeah/

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 18, 2002
Location: Molson Center, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 17,346
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Wrestlemania and there are two major developments. First and more importantly, Hulk Hogan turned face and helped the Rock when the Outsiders attacked him. Second, HHH won the world title by beating Chris Jericho, shocking no one at all. Tonight is all about fallout, but there’s something big looming next week. Let’s get to it.

I’ve already done the March 25 and April 1 shows and links can be found at the end.

Here’s Hogan to open the show to one of the most famous ovations ever. While it’s loud, it’s the length that makes it memorable. They’re on their feet, bowing down and chanting for Hogan. It’s already been going for a minute since he’s been in the ring. Hogan can’t even talk. Minute and a half straight. Hogan finally gets a word in after nearly two minutes of cheering, saying he loves the fans. He expected the match with Rock to be great and for Hall and Nash (pause for booing) to not interfere.

While he also expected to give Rock the beating of his life, he didn’t expect 70,000 people to be on their feet cheering for him. The fans start cheering for him again but Hogan says he has to thank the Rock. Hogan came back to the WWF to embarrass Rock but he couldn’t get rid of him. He didn’t believe it was possible, but Rock came back and beat him 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring. Hogan doesn’t know when, but there will be a rematch one day. This brings out Rock for the showdown.

Rock has the heel sneer on his face as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. He lifts the mic up but the fans keep chanting for Hogan. Rock does the angriest FINALLY you’ll ever hear but gets cut off again. He finally gets to say Montreal before saying Hogan has FINALLY come back to the Hulkamaniacs.

We stretch the truth a bit by saying 70,000 people stood for 30 minutes straight (more like 68,000+ for about 17 minutes) to show their passion and for that, Rock thanks the people and Hogan. The challenge is accepted any time, any place and it would be Rock’s honor. It would be in this very building actually about ten and a half months later.

However, Rock does have one problem. Even though Hall and Nash turned on Hogan last night, Hogan is still wearing the NWO colors. Rock wants to know what Hogan thinks of that and there’s the shirt rip. Cue Hall and Nash to demand answers from Hogan. They were brought in to be a lethal injection by picking off one guy at a time, starting with Austin. The plan didn’t work though because Rock had to challenge Hogan at Wrestlemania.

That was fine, but Hogan just had to say yes. Hogan could have helped them beat Austin and then he could have fought Rock if he wanted to. Nash calls Hogan the NWO poison and rips him apart for siding with the fans. Rock makes fun of Nash for whining and challenges them to a tag match tonight. Hall grabs the mic and asks if Rock is sure so Rock goes into a HILARIOUS imitation of Hall, complete with the slumped shoulders and arm waving. Hogan says just bring it and the match is on. Nash asks if Hogan is going to choke like he did last night but Rock does Hogan’s catchphrase to close this 25 minute opening segment.

Intercontinental Title: Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

RVD is defending after winning the title last night. Christian pounds him into the corner to start but Rob comes back with a middle rope kick to the face. Rob charges into an elbow in the corner and gets draped ribs first across the top rope, sending him out to the floor. That goes nowhere so Rob brings him back inside for a spinwheel kick and a legsweep to set up Rolling Thunder for two. Christian gets in a forearm and goes to the floor to get the title belt, but Diamond Dallas Page won’t let him walk out. Van Dam kicks Christian’s leg out and the Five Star retains the title in a quick match.

Jericho arrives, beats up an overly enthusiastic backstge guy (who I believe was Sylvan Grenier), and leaves for the night.

Trish Stratus vs. Lita

Trish looks great as always. Lita goes right after her to start and the fight is on quickly. A clothesline puts the redhead down but she suplexes Trish down a few seconds later. Lita scores with a headscissors but Trish comes right back with a Chick Kick. Stratusfaction is shoved off and the moonsault gets Lita the pin in barely 90 seconds.

Post match Jazz comes out to go after Lita but Trish helps her out. Ivory comes out to help Jazz and the good girls are laid out.

Linda McMahon is in her office and makes a major announcement: next week there’s going to be a Brand Extension, meaning Raw and Smackdown will be split into two rosters. Next week there will be a Draft where the rosters will be split into Ric Flair’s Raw and Vince McMahon’s Smackdown. The WWF and Women’s Champion will split time between brands.

Here’s Vince to talk about the Draft a bit more, but first we get the YOU SCREWED BRET chants. He’s here to say goodbye to Raw and reminds the fans that he’s been nice to them over the years. Vince insists that they miss him and his speeches, but he’s not going to miss any of them. The fans will get Ric Flair, who isn’t bad but he’s no Vince McMahon. Flair doesn’t have the killer instinct or the ability to manipulate anymore. The fans sing the Goodbye Song but here’s Flair to interrupt.

Vince wants to know why Flair is out here after Undertaker beat him up last night at Wrestlemania. He enjoyed watching Undertaker beat Flair to a bloody pulp but there’s the song again to interrupt Vince. Flair says he’ll tell Vince what’s on his mind of McMahon will shut up. Yes, Raw is Vince’s baby but he used it to flaunt his wealth, drawing up a You Screwed Bret chant.

Vince used Raw to shove Stephanie down our throat week after week but that’s not going to happen anymore because Flair owns Raw. Vince goes to leave but the song brings him back inside. He offers and wins a coin toss for the first pick, which Vince says is the way things will always be. Flair stares him down so Vince decks him, only to have Ric put him in the Figure Four.

Booker T/Kurt Angle vs. Edge/Kane

Take two matches from Wrestlemania and throw them into a tag match. Kane pulls Booker into the ring to start and puts him down with a side slam. The top rope clothesline gets two with Angle making the save and a double suplex puts the monster down. Booker misses the ax kick and Kane tags in Edge to speed things up. Angle tries to run the corner to suplex Edge down but the Canadian holds onto the top and gets two off a missile dropkick.

The Edge-O-Matic is countered into the ankle lock but Kane breaks it up with a chokeslam. Booker sends Kane to the floor and Edge tried the Edgecution but Angle counters into an Angle Slam attempt. Booker accidentally kicks his partner in the face and Edge spears Angle for two. Kane sends Booker into the steps and Edge counters the German suplex into a rollup for two. The Edgecution follows a few seconds later for the pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the most entertaining four minute matches I can remember in a LONG time. They basically did the hot ending without any build but that’s often the best part of a match. I’d love to see these four have a fifteen minute version of this but for what we got, this rocked.

Hardcore Title: Maven vs. Al Snow

Maven is defending after about 10 title changes the night before and Snow was his trainer on Tough Enough. Snow jumps him at ringside but gets sent into the barricade to give the champion a breather. They head inside with the weapons as Snow blasts Maven in the head with trashcan lids. Cue Spike Dudley with a stop sign to knock Snow out, but a monster can be seen jumping the barricade. He hits one of the biggest spinebusters you’ll ever see on Snow, slams Maven down with ease and triple powerbombs Spike in half. The monster’s name: Brock Lesnar.

JR and Lawler complain that Paul Heyman was with Lesnar.

We recap the opening segment because fans can’t remember something that happened an hour and fifteen minutes ago. By recap, I mean air about four minutes of it.

Matt and Lita are making out in the back when William Regal comes up to say that’s disgusting. Matt says don’t get mad because you’re not getting any. Lita: “OH TAG!” Regal has no idea what to make of that (neither do I) and says the two of them might be split up by the Draft. He throws in a ta-ta because he’s a snooty Englishman.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Billy and Chuck

Billy and Chuck are defending and the Dudleys have Stacy in her Dudley attire, still the hottest I ever saw her look. It’s a brawl to start until D-Von and Chuck clothesline each other down. A double tag brings in Bubba and Billy with the future Bully cleaning house. What’s Up keeps Billy in trouble as everything breaks down. Stacy gets up on the apron and shakes a bit to distract Billy but there’s no effect, so she hits Billy with a title belt for the DQ.

The Dudleys are rightly furious and put Stacy through a table. They were heels coming in, so is that a face turn for Keibler?

Here’s HHH for his big new champion speech and JR immediately calls it an honor to hear from him. The entrance takes forever and HHH still has both belts. HHH talks about being injured for a long time before coming back with his quad hanging on by a thread. He defeated Chris Jericho to become Undisputed Champion and has to stop to soak in some chants. He’s a happy man right now and wants to share it with us by showing a clip of him Pedigreeing Stephanie.

This brings out the wife wearing a neck brace. She promises to get rid of the smile on HHH’s face because Jericho wants his rematch next week on Raw. HHH thinks we should up the ante: a handicap match with Jericho and Stephanie against him, but if he wins then Stephanie is gone. That’s an interesting idea since she only lost a match to get thrown out of the company four months earlier.

HHH won’t grant the rematch without that stipulation so Stephanie reluctantly agrees after whining for five minutes. The fans sing the Goodbye Song at her as well, because this whole segment is about HHH vs. Stephanie and Jericho is just there on the side. That’s why the Jericho vs. HHH match at Wrestlemania was such a disappointment. Everyone knew Jericho was just there and the real feud was between HHH and Stephanie.

The Rock/Hulk Hogan vs. Outsiders

Hogan’s entrance is already going when we get back from a break and the Outsiders are in the ring. Good to know that’s not important enough to make Stephanie quit whining. The brawl is on quick until we start with Hogan vs. Hall. Hulk hits his punches in the corner and rakes the back before Hall gets caught between the right hands from the superheroes. Off to Rock for the spinebuster but Nash breaks up the People’s Elbow.

Nash comes in legally with the side slam before ramming knees in the corner. Hall comes back in and stops Rock’s comeback with the fallaway slam for two. The Outsiders take turns stomping on Rock but Rock escapes Nash’s Snake Eyes and hits the Rock Bottom for no cover. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house as everything breaks down. Hogan drops the leg despite coming from the wrong direction but Hall rolls to the floor for the countout.

Rating: D+. This was energetic while it lasted but they didn’t have time to go anywhere. Also there was no way this was going to be about the wrestling and there’s nothing wrong with that on a show like this. It was entertaining and a fun match to see happen and that’s all you need sometimes.

Overall Rating: C+. The night after Wrestlemania is always a different kind of show and that’s what it should be. With the Draft coming up in a week there was no point in doing anything substantial tonight so everything was about the fallout. Still though, it was entertaining enough and a fresh start after a very boring winter.

Here’s the March 25 show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/10/11/monday-night-raw-march-25-2002-first-wwe-draft/

Here’s the April 1 show if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/09/09/monday-night-raw-april-1-2002-only-an-april-fool-would-like-this-show/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

Royal Rumble 1999
Date: January 24, 1999
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 14,816
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

As much as last year’s show was a necessary evil, this show is just evil in general. The company is firing on all cylinders right now but it’s much more about drama than anything else. Mankind won the world title in a shocker 20 days before this, beating the Rock in an impromptu match on Raw. Tonight is the rematch in an I Quit match, which is the only match Mankind knows he can’t lose to Rock. It turns out to be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen in wrestling. Also the Rumble is nothing but a backdrop for Austin vs. Vince, which isn’t a good thing either. Let’s get to it.

Luckily for me, I’ve been reviewing the Raw’s leading up to this show, so the stories will actually be fresh in my mind for a change.

This version opens with some interviews by guys in the Rumble, talking about how the bounty on Austin (Vince has offered $100,000 to whoever knocks Austin out) has them extra fired up. Chyna getting #30 is also discussed.

Opening video is what you would expect. Also the theme song for this show is No Chance, which would become Vince’s theme song after tonight. The idea is that Austin is #1 in the Rumble and Vince is #2, meaning if Austin wants to go to Wrestlemania, he has to run the gauntlet.

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Roadie is Hardcore Champion but this is non-title and a regular match. Dang it I forgot Boss Man is a tag champion here so I can’t call one of them a champion. Boss Man runs the ropes to start so Roadie tells him to suck it. The fans get on Boss Man so he shoves Road Dogg into the corner and pounds away. The Big guy misses a splash in the corner and Dogg pounds away. The announcers ask a very good question: why isn’t this for the title? Vince could make it for the title if he wanted, but instead he makes it non-title? Why?

Anyway, Road Dogg crotches Boss Man on the post to take over but gets knocked to the floor by an elbow. Back in and Boss Man pounds away but Dogg steps on his foot to escape. That lasts for about five seconds as Boss Man kicks him in the face to take over again. We hit the bearhug and Boss Man thrusts his hips into Dogg’s crotch. There’s an image I certainly didn’t need.

Dogg bites his way out of the hold but gets kneed right back down. The buckle pad is taken off and Boss Man gets two off a spinebuster. Boss Man wins a brief slugout and chokes away again. Lawler cheers for Boss Man but Dogg grabs a sleeper to get himself a breather. Boss Man goes up for some reason and is slammed down almost immediately. Dogg comes back with his usual and gets two off the shaky knee, but the Boss Man Slam ends this out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. Meh. That’s the only word that came to my head after watching this. At the end of the day, when the Outlaws play things seriously, they get pretty dull. Boss Man was fine in this role and he played it as he always did, but that doesn’t mean he should be having twelve minute matches with the Road Dogg. Not a bad match at all, but I don’t quite get why it existed.

We get a quick recap of Billy Gunn vs. Shamrock. Gunn hit on Ryan Shamrock (Ken’s sister) and Ken snapped, giving Billy a title shot for some reason as a result.

Intercontinental Title: Billy Gunn vs. Ken Shamrock

Surprisingly enough Gunn is the aggressor to start but Ken is a bit of a better ground fighter, giving himself control. Billy comes back with a clothesline on the double (tag/IC) champion as things slow down. A suplex gets two for Gunn but he misses a charge into the corner, allowing Ken to fire off some kicks. Ken fires off more kicks to the chest and back of Gunn and gets two off a spinwheel kick.

Billy comes back out of nowhere with the yet to be named Fameasser to buy himself a breather. He pounds away in the corner but Shamrock dumps him to the floor before pounding Billy into the barricade. The beating continues as Gunn is sent into a chair to keep Shamrock in control. They fight to the apron where Gunn makes a quick comeback, hitting a kind of Stroke into the announce table.

Back in and Shamrock goes right for the knee to take over. No ankle lock yet though as Ken busts out a Robinsdale Crunch of all things. Well if nothing else he has good taste in leg moves. For those of you younger people, it’s basically Shamrock wrapping his legs around Billy’s leg and crushing it between his own knees/legs. A HARD kick to the head puts Billy down again and we hear about Billy’s bad ankle from Raw. Not that he has tape on it or has been limping for the first ten minutes of the match or anything, but apparently he has a bad ankle.

Billy comes back with a clothesline but the referee is bumped. Cue Val Venis who also has issues with Shamrock to DDT the champion, giving Billy a two count. Gunn pounds away but goes up (with a bad ankle because he’s an idiot) and crashes on the ankle. Ankle lock and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Too long here and the Venis thing didn’t change anything at all. Billy’s ankle injury was pretty stupid because you didn’t really need the stuff from Raw to set up what happened here. Shamrock got a solid midcard push around this time and even had some cups of upper midcard coffee (only $5.95 at Starbucks!). The Corporation and DX would keep feuding for a few more months.

Shane fires Vince up in the back.

European Title: Gangrel vs. X-Pac

The vampire is challenging. This is another of those matches that is there so they can have another title match on the card, meaning there’s no story that I can think of. Road Dogg might have gotten a blood bath recently but that’s about it. They hit the ropes very quickly to start with Pac grabbing an armdrag to take over. Gangrel grabs a headlock but they speed things up almost immediately again.

Pac hits a quick legdrop but misses a kick in the corner to shift momentum again. We hit the chinlock to give the guys an earned breather. The champ fights up and gets thrown into the air for two. Gangrel misses a top rope elbow and Pac gets two off his jumping clothesline. A big spinwheel kick takes Gangrel down again and X-Pac hits the Bronco Buster.

The third spinwheel kick in about four minutes takes Gangrel down, but Pac gets crotched on the top, continuing a theme tonight. Pac tries a cross body but Gangrel rolls him through for a botched near fall by referee Teddy Long (he countered three but Pac’s shoulder was up). Not that it matters as the X Factor retains the title a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. Referee’s botch aside, this was a nice surprise. Gangrel is hardly known for his in ring abilities but he looked pretty good out there tonight. Pac was better here against a smaller guy as usual, and we got a good match out of it. After the two longer and not great matches earlier, this was a nice pick up.

DX says they’re united tonight but the $100,000 bounty makes it every man (Chyna: “And woman”) for themselves. Billy was nowhere to be seen here for some reason.

Here’s Shane to be ring announcer for the next match for no apparent reason.

Women’s Title: Luna Vachon vs. Sable

Scratch that ring announcer line as apparently he’s here to accept Sable’s forfeiture of the title. This was supposed to be a strap match which had a total of 18 seconds of build on Raw. That’s not an exaggeration either. They came out during another match and that was the only mention. Luna attacked Sable on Heat before the show tonight and injured the champ’s back, but Sable wants to fight anyway.

This is the four corners variety so Sable can look TOUGH here. Sable shoves her into the corner and whips Luna to the floor. She keeps whipping Luna and gets three corners but Luna makes the stop. We get more choking and whipping before Luna drags Sable around with both of them getting the buckles at the same time. You know, like in every other strap match EVER. Shane gets up on the apron before Sable gets the buckle, but Sable’s psycho fan Tori uses the distraction to deck Luna, giving sable the win.

Rating: D. Sable was insanely over back in 98, but at this point it was starting to wear thin. I always felt sorry for Luna who never got to win the Women’s Title. She really would have been a good choice for an evil chick for some blonde heroine to beat, but instead we got worthless lumps like Jackie. Nothing to see here but it could have been worse.

The Corporation says it’s everyone for themselves.

We recap Rock vs. Mankind, which we’ve covered already. Rock lost the title on January 4 on Raw so he wanted a rematch. Mankind kept saying no until Rock said he’d quit trying, which Mankind immediately accepted. The idea is that Mankind has never quit and has been through so much punishment that there’s nothing Rock can do to beat him.

Rock says that he isn’t just some other guy to Mankind, and he’s going to be the first man to make Mankind give up. If you’ve never seen it and have a stomach for blood, I can highly recommend the documentary Beyond the Mat, which is about the behind the scenes world in the WWF and this match is a focus of the film. This promo was being filmed by the documentary cameras and Mankind was about three feet from Rock here. More on this later.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. Mankind

I Quit rules here. Rock is in his workout gear, which means his male breast enlargement surgery scars haven’t quite healed yet. There isn’t a single bit of sarcasm or humor in that statement. Mankind is defending and had to fight on Heat against the 500lb Mabel. Also the champ has recently gotten his most well known theme song, but it’s still the original version here which doesn’t have the clapping in it yet.

Mankind takes over early and hits his running knee to Rock’s head in the corner. He pounds away on Rock but Rock isn’t ready to quit yet. Some mic shots to the head keep Rock down but he still won’t say it. The Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor but Rock gets in a shot to take over. They head to the commentary desk where Rock talks some trash to King before getting hit in the back by a chair.

Back in and there’s the double arm DDT from the champ. Mr. Socko makes an appearance to put the Claw on Rock. King: “But you can’t talk with your mouth full!” The hold puts Rock out, meaning he can’t say he quits. Not the smartest move in the world there Mick. We brawl into the crowd but Rock hits a kind of suplex to take them back to ringside. There’s the bell ringing spot (Rock puts the bell on Mankind’s head and rings said bell) before singing a bit as only Rock can pull off in the middle of a match.

Rock loads up the Rock Bottom on the table but it gives way, crashing them to the floor. They slug it out some more and head up the aisle where Mankind clotheslines Rock down. Up to the tech area now and Rock hits the snap DDT onto the concrete. It’s ladder time (almost kind of foreshadowing in a way) but Rock gets crushed underneath it before he can use it. Mankind misses an elbow drop onto the ladder and both guys are down again.

Rock sets up the ladder next to the tech area and they climb up to a ledge in front of a balcony. The slugout ensues and Mankind is knocked off the ledge and onto the electrical stuff which shoots sparks and knocks out the arena lights for a few seconds. Mankind is mostly dead on the floor so here’s Shane to come out and ask Rock to chill a bit. Rock says he’s going to make Mankind say he quits, but he won’t ask him. You know, because Mankind isn’t going to say it and Rock knows this. Cole of course doesn’t get it and whines for about five minutes about it.

We head back into the ring where Mankind is basically out on the mat. Cole: “How is Mick Foley standing?” HE’S FREAKING LAY…..never mind. It’s not worth trying to get through Cole’s thick head. Anyway, Rock finds some handcuffs and this is about to get bad. Rock starts pounding away at Mankind’s unprotected head. Somewhere in there the champ was busted open.

Mankind comes back with a pair of low blows and headbutts (remember his arms are handcuffed behind his back). Rock clotheslines him down….and grabs a chair. We get the Corporate Elbow on the chair on Mankind’s head, but that’s just the beginning. Mick won’t quit, so Rocky hits him in the head (remember, unprotected) twice with HARD chair shots. Here are three more to finally knock Mankind down and out to the floor.

Even Lawler says that’s enough, but Rock hits Mankind in the back and side of the head with the chair. There is blood EVERYWHERE. Rock has a clear shot at Mankind’s back but instead waits for him to stand up and hit him in the head again. ANOTHER shot (we’re up to about 12 now) to the head puts Foley down and Mankind SCREAMS that he quits. Note that Mankind isn’t moving an inch and there’s a noticeable echo to his voice which there hasn’t been all night. That would come into play on Raw the next night.

Rating: B. This is a REALLY hard one to grade because the last five minutes are nothing but disturbing. We saw a guy completely defenseless and having his head smashed in with a piece of metal by a world class athlete. Pre Benoit or post Benoit, that’s a completely unnecessary risk and a terrifying thing to see. I love these two fighting, but this was legitimately disturbing.

Again, if you’ve never seen it, check out Beyond the Mat. It shows Mankind’s wife and family in the audience in terror watching this, but you can only hear the sound of the chair shots. If it was a horror movie it would be absolutely chilling. Also it shows Foley in the back looking at himself after the beating and the first time he looks in a mirror he stops almost cold. This went WAY too far.

We recap the Rumble, which is literally all about Vince vs. Austin and Austin’s path back to the title which begins tonight. Vince keeps screwing Austin out of the title but he’s kept coming back to get another shot. That’s most of the year in a nutshell actually.

Earlier tonight Austin came in on a monster truck limo for no apparent reason. He got in Vince’s face earlier as well, resulting in the Stooges getting beaten up.

Royal Rumble

There’s a $100,000 bounty on Austin’s head and we have Austin at #1 and Vince at #2. I think you can see what’s coming from here. The intervals are 90 seconds here. Howard goes into a REALLY long winded explanation of the rules, causing Lawler to freak out on him. Vince of course takes the chance to show off his impressive physique. Austin immediately pounds away as Cole sums up Vince vs. Austin: “How often do you get to see an employee rip the CEO of a Fortune 500 company apart?”

Austin destroys Vince for a few moments with basic stuff until Golga is #3. There’s the Thesz Press and Golga slides in but Austin knocks him out in 15 seconds. Vince rolls to the floor and heads into the crowd with Austin chasing after him. They brawl (read as Austin punches him and Vince staggers away) up the crowd as there’s no one in the ring. Droz comes in at #4 with no one to fight. See, why did Golga have to be eliminated? It doesn’t sound great but having Droz vs. Golga is better than nothing.

Anyway, Vince and Austin brawl into the back and into a ladies’ room where the Corporation jumps Austin. Naturally the camera feed is lost so we don’t see what actually happens. We come back to the arena to see Droz just standing there. The years away from meaning anything Edge is #5 to actually give us some action. After about 45 seconds, Gillberg is #6. The hilarious entrance takes forever and Edge dumps him in about five seconds.

We cut back to the bathroom and Austin is out cold on the floor. Steve Blackman is #7 as the low level stuff continues. I mean, at the end of the day NO ONE in the ring at the moment is going to be bought as a serious contender here. Austin is being treated by EMTs as Blackman fires off kicks to Edge. Dan Severn and his wet t-shirt are #8. He and Blackman have the WWF style MMA fight as we see Austin on a stretcher. That’s about the fourth time we’ve cut to Austin and away from the ring.

Tiger Ali Singh (think an Indian Ted DiBiase with ZERO charisma) is #9 as we see the ambulance drive away. The five nothings in the ring continue to waste our time until Blue Meanie is #10. Again in way less than 90 seconds, there’s no #11. We cut to the back (running theme tonight) and see Mabel beating up Mosh to take his place in the match. He immediately dumps Severn and Blackman plus Singh. There go Meanie and Droz, leaving us with Edge, Mabel and Road Dogg who is #12. Road Dogg dumps Edge and there go the lights.

Taker’s music hits and we have the Acolytes and Mideon in the ring beating up Mabel. They dump him out, yet AGAIN leaving us with just one person standing there. Taker and Bearer pop up and stare down Mabel, apparently hypnotizing him, which would lead to Mabel becoming Viscera. Gangrel is #13 with his rocking entrance music. There goes Gangrel so we stand around a bit more.

Kurrgan is #14 and destroys Dogg with power stuff. Psycho Al Snow is #15 and helps double team Kurrgan. Snow tries to get on the ropes for more leverage and is immediately dumped by Dogg. Goldust is #16 and Kurrgan gets double teamed again. With the big man down, Roadie tries Shattered Dreames on Goldie. Kurrgan saves Goldust for no apparent reason and it’s Dogg that goes down instead.

Godfather is #17 but the Ho’s leave, ticking off the fans. After about 30 seconds of Godfather being in the ring, here’s Kane at #18 to FINALLY give us some star power. The ring is cleared in about 30 seconds and the place goes nuts for Kane. Since having Kane as a dominant monster to set up a showdown with another big name would be interesting, the people from the insane asylum come out to try to institutionalize Kane (just go with it), so he eliminates himself.

Shamrock is #19 with no one to fight. Vince comes back out to do commentary. Billy Gunn limps to the ring at #20 and is immediately taken down with a leg shot. The beating goes on for awhile until Test is #21. We cut to the back (AGAIN) to see Mabel being beaten into a hearse. An ambulance pulls up and it’s being drive by a certain bald headed Rattlesnake. Because clearly a guy can be beaten down, wake up less than 20 minutes later, get out of an ambulance bed, take over the ambulance, and get back to the arena in under half an hour.

Austin comes back to the ring as Boss Man is #22. Austin chases Vince around and into the ring but gets jumped by Shamrock. That’s it for Kenny so here’s HHH at #23, giving us three tall guys with long blonde hair. Billy goes after Austin for the sake of the money as Vince plays cheerleader. Vince tries not to slip into commentator mode as he talks about people wanting the money.

Val Venis is #24 and Austin dumps Billy. X-Pac is #25 and Val pounds on Austin. He kicks Steve to the floor as we’re just waiting on the Austin and Vince interaction. A spinwheel kick from Pac puts Austin down as Mark Henry is #26. Henry swings for Austin but decks Boss Man instead. Jeff Jarrett is #27 and nothing happens again. Pac kicks at a lot of people and hits the Bronco Buster on Boss Man.

In a somewhat famous bit, HHH is clearly heard asking Val if he can hang on if HHH throws him over the ropes. After that punch to kayfabe’s stomach, D’Lo Brown is #28. Austin dumps Test and X-Pac to give us some more mat space. Boss Man and Jarrett team up to try to eliminate Austin but he fights them off again. There goes Jarrett as Owen Hart is #29. Austin spits at Vince as the ring is way too full.

Chyna is #30, giving us a final group of Chyna, Austin, Vince, Boss Man, HHH, Venis, Henry, Brown, Hart and Chyna. Chyna manages to dump Henry but is knocked out almost immediately by Austin. HHH throws Val out to get us down to five. There’s a Stunner to dump HHH and get us down to five guys. Austin avoids a dropkick from Brown and they fight in the corner a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Austin and is backdropped out just a few seconds later. Boss Man takes Austin down and Brown hits the Low Down. Brown poses too long though and Boss Man tosses him, only to get tossed by Austin. We’re down to Austin vs. McMahon and the beating is on. Austin destroys Vince with a chair shot and the boss is in big trouble. We head back inside and Vince hits a quick low blow to give himself a breather. Austin comes back with the Stunner and beats on Vince until Rock comes out. Rock and Austin have their staredown, allowing Vince to dump Austin and win the Rumble.

Rating: F. No. This was a failure on every level. The premise was stupid, the execution was TERRIBLE, and Vince winning makes the whole thing a big joke. We had THREE part where the booking resulted in the ring being empty. Who in the world thought that was a goo….oh yeah this is still Russo Time. Absolutely horrible here and the worst Rumble of all time, pretty much by far.

Vince has a BIG celebration to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. The Rumble SUCKED, the title match was decent, and the rest of the show was either bad or forgettable. That’s more or less 1999 in a nutshell. On top of that, this would all mean NOTHING by the next week, as we had Halftime Heat coming up to give Mankind the title back, as well as Vince forfeiting his title shot at Mania, resulting in Austin going anyway. Just awful overall.

Ratings Comparison

Big Boss Man vs. Road Dogg

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

Original: D+

Redo: C+

X-Pac vs. Gangrel

Original: B-

Redo: C+

Sable vs. Luna Vachon

Original: F

Redo: D

The Rock vs. Mankind

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: F

Redo: F

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

It still sucks.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1999-please-make-it-stop/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling books for just $4 at:

We continue our international trend with perhaps the only major wrestler ever to come out of Finland and a guy I’ve grown to like a lot more in the last few years: Ludvig Borga.

Borga, real name Tony Halme) was a legitimate tough guy with a boxing background, only enhanced by being a jerk based on most reports of his attitude in the locker room. Halme started off over in Japan for NJPW, including this match against Big Van Vader. I can’t find a date on it but it would likely be from the early 1990s.

Big Van Vader vs. Tony Halme

Vader is the big crowd favorite here. They stall to start with neither guy interested in doing much. Vader taunts Halme with some strange noises so Halme fires off punches to the ample midsection. That’s fine with Vader as he pounds away in the corner to take us to a stalemate. More punches have Vader in trouble as the announcers talk about Sting and WCW, putting this at some point in 1992 or later.

Vader comes back with a splash in the corner and a suplex to send Halme to the floor. A few shots have Halme in trouble on the outside but he milks the referee’s count for all it’s worth before coming back inside. Vader misses a splash and Halme gets his first advantage with some hard elbows and stomps. A back elbow and running clothesline get two for Tony and a top rope clothesline sends Vader to the apron.

More shots to the ribs have Vader in trouble but he just blasts Halme in the face and sits on him. Simple yet effective. The standing splash puts Halme down again and some hard clotheslines have him rocked. He starts no selling and says bring it on, so Vader runs him over again. A pair of splashes get two but Vader misses a cannonball down onto Halme’s chest, letting Tony grab a quick cover for the upset pin.

Rating: C. Surprising ending aside, this was one heck of a slugout with both guys beating the tar out of each other. Early 90s Vader is as good of a monster as you’ll ever find and it’s a treat to see him just punch people in the face. The ending was really surprising and sucked the air out of the crowd which isn’t a good thing most of the time.

Halme’s Japanese stuff was good enough to get him hired by the WWF with his first prominent match being held at Summerslam 1993.

Marty Jannetty vs. Ludvig Borga

Borga is basically the original Antonio Cesaro but from Finland. Marty fires away to start but gets punched in the corner by the former boxer. A hard clothesline puts Jannetty down before Borga throws him into the air for an uppercut (much like Cesaro). More punches in the corner have Jannetty in trouble and a clothesline stops his comeback dead. Borga blows his nose on Jannetty before putting on a bearhug. Marty escapes and makes a quick comeback with a pair of superkicks but gets caught in a powerslam and a torture rack for the submission.

Rating: D-. This was one of the lamer squashes I can remember in a long time. Borga looked slow and limited in the ring but the rack looked good. Other than that though, Borga came off as much more flash than substance. He would get better, but at the end of the day he never quite did anything in the company.

Borga’s anti-American rhetoric made him the perfect opponent for the American Hero Lex Luger, which culminated in a Survivor Series match between the All-Americans and the Foreign Fanatics.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

Yokozuna, Crush, Ludvig Borga, Jacques

Lex Luger, Undertaker, Steiner Brothers

The Quebecers are the tag champions and have Johnny Raven Polo as their manager. Yoko is world champion. Jacques and Scott start things off and Jacques offers a handshake. Scott says screw you in classic Freakzilla style. Scott hits a quick belly to belly for two and it’s off to Rick. Jacques brings in Yoko and things slow down almost immediately. Rick hits a clothesline and a shoulder to knock Yoko out to the floor but it doesn’t do much good.

Off to Borga who died in the last year or so. Rick gets knocked to the floor but comes back in off the top with a shoulder for no cover. Borga misses an elbow and Rick goes up again, coming off with a cross body. Borga rolls through it and Rick isn’t moving at all, giving Borga an easy pin. Rick finally starts moving and holds his leg, so I’m thinking that’s a legit injury. Rick can’t stand up on the floor.

Scott comes in next and gets to fight Jacques. Rick eventually limps off on his own power which is a good sign at least. Scott hits a great gorilla press but Crush catches a falling Jacques and I guess that’s a tag. Steiner wants nothing to do with a test of strength so Crush pounds on him a bit. A butterfly powerbomb puts Crush down and apparently Savage is back in the building. Crush kicks Scott down and here’s Macho.

Crush throws Scott down to the floor over the top but he won’t go after Savage. Randy gets sent to the back and the dull match continues as Scott may have hurt his knee on that fall. The knee gets targeted now with Crush firing away some kicks and Savage is coming back AGAIN. Scott dropkicks Crush to the floor and Crush goes after Savage for long enough to draw a countout.

Jacques goes after the injured Scott now with a rear chinlock followed by an elbow to the jaw for two. Scott somehow hits a gorilla press on Jacques and there’s the tag to Lex. He slams Jacques down and drops a middle rope elbow for the elimination. It’s now Lex, Taker and Scott vs. Borga and Yoko. Borga comes in to face the still limping Scott. Taker hasn’t been in the match yet.

Borga pounds on the ribs and whips Scott in the corner so he can clothesline Steiner down. Borga goes up top but gets suplexed back down for two. Yoko comes in and pounds away, but Scott gets in some offense. He tries the freaking Frankensteiner which goes about as well as you would expect it to, resulting in a legdrop from Yoko eliminating Scott to get us down to two on two.

Luger comes in as we’re almost 20 minutes in with no Taker at all yet. Borga, a Finn, waves the Japanese flag. Yoko misses a splash and Lex pounds away, only to get clotheslined down with ease. Off to Borga who runs Luger over again and kicks him in the ribs. Back to Yoko who misses a charge, and it’s FINALLY off to Taker.

Taker hits his running DDT and sits up but a Borga distraction lets Yoko suplex Taker down. There’s the situp and another after a clothesline. A legdrop keeps Taker down and there’s the Banzai, but Yoko goes for another, and Taker moves. A clothesline puts Yoko on the floor and they brawl to a double countout. See you at the Rumble boys. Taker was legally in the match for less than two minutes and forty seconds.

So it’s Lex vs. Borga now and as Taker and Yoko brawl on the floor. Ludvig has taken over and drops a leg on Lex. A side slam puts Lex down for two and Borga gets more two’s off various other power moves. He isn’t covering well though so he isn’t ready to pin Luger yet. A suplex puts Borga down and they clothesline each other. With Cornette distracting the referee, Borga hits Lex with Fuji’s salt bucket for two. Lex gets fired up and hits a powerslam and the loaded forearm for the final pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work either. Taker was the main draw of the match and he wasn’t even in there for a tenth of the match. Yoko vs. Taker would go on to screw up two PPVs and Lex would never get the title, basically making the second half of 1993 totally pointless. This match didn’t work at all, and a lot of that is due to the heel lineup. Unless there was an injury or something, I don’t get why Pierre was taken out.

Borga had one more prominent match at a house show in Lowell, Massachusetts on December 14, 1994 which was released on Coliseum Video’s Inside the WWF.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Ludvig Borga

It’s always interesting to see an arena so small that you can see the walls during the entrances. They talk a lot of trash to start until Borga shoves him around and lifts the very large Razor in the air for a choke. A headlock has Razor in more trouble and a hard shoulder puts the champion down. Ludvig easily wins a test of strength but Razor comes back with some kicks to the ribs and a suplex to send Borga running to the floor.

Borga can’t quite suplex Razor to the floor but the champion hooks a suplex of his own for two. A clothesline puts Razor down again but Borga misses an elbow. Razor comes back with right hands but gets caught by a jumping clothesline. Borga follows up with the clothesline’s top rope cousin for a shocking three count but Razor’s foot was on the ropes. Razor can barely move so Ludvig picks him up for a side slam, only to miss a charge into the corner and get suplexed down for two.

A belly to back superplex sets up the Razor’s Edge but the referee gets bumped, allowing Shawn Michaels to run in. Dang that’s some serious overbooking for a house show match. Borga covers for the pin and the title, but another referee FINALLY comes out to say what happened, giving Razor the DQ win to keep the title. Side note: there are two title belts now due to Shawn bringing his own. I wonder what that could lead to.

Rating: C-. As mentioned, that was a pretty overbooked match for something at this level. Razor wasn’t really doing much out there but the false finishes had the crowd way into things. That’s one of the cool things about house shows: you can get different finishes like this that play to the crowd in the arena instead of the national audience. It’s very different but very fun.

That’s really about it for Borga. He was only in the WWF about ten months but he’s consistently remembered as a top heel and for good reason. The guy was kind of a combination Antonio Cesaro and Ken Shamrock. He played the evil foreigner to perfection and had the boxing skills to make him a dual threat. Borga would wind up being the Finnish National Boxing Champion, an MMA fighter (0-4 career record) and a member of Parliament. To say he was an interesting guy is an understatement, but his backstage attitude was apparently horrible and people were glad to see him go. I’ve always been a fan and would have loved to see more of him.

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XWF Episode 3
Date: November 14, 2001
Location: Universal Studios, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final episode after what feels like months. The fact that I’ve less than two hours of this promotion over about five days should tell you everything you need to know about them. There were some very moderate improvements last time but given how low they started that isn’t saying much. The only thing of note is a promised Hulk Hogan match tonight. Let’s get to it.

Knobbs does his usual welcome to the show, saying that Jimmy Hart is out scouting for new talent. So each of the discs are made at different times?

Intro with a quick recap of last week.

Gene brings out Rena Mero with her security guards, two of whom appear to be Tugboat and Barbarian. She won’t directly address Roddy Piper’s actions and writes them off as growing pains for the XWF. Mero says she’s happy with everything that’s happening around here and is off to ask Piper what the main event is here tonight. Gene goes with her for some reason.

Jim Duggan chants XWF.

The South Philly Posse (Public Enemy) talk to the woman they annoyed last week. Apparently it’s Jasmine St. Clair, their new manager.

Drezden vs. Marty Jannetty

Drezden looks like the Wall (from WCW) crossed with Neo from the Matrix crossed with an S&M enthusiast. He runs Marty over as this has squash written all over it. A slam puts Marty down again but he avoids an elbow, only to dive into a bearhug. Drezden easily lifts Marty up for a nice powerbomb and the pin.

Greg Valetine still wants a match but Piper doesn’t care. To be fair Piper can’t hear because of Valentine so can you blame him?

Horace Hogan vs. Josh Matthews

Josh is thrown around like the rookie that he is and Horace drops an elbow to the back. They head to the floor with Josh being rammed into various objects while getting in no offense at all. Back in and Josh’s sunset flip is countered into a chokebomb for two as Horace pulls him up. As you would expect, Josh grabs a small package for the fast count pin.

Jimmy Hart promises to take us to Hail and back.

Shane Twins vs. South Philly Posse

Mike pounds on Rocco in the corner to start before throwing him onto Grunge. Off to Todd for a double shoulder block on Rocco for two. A powerslam gets the same but Grunge gets in a cheap shot from the apron to take over. He works over Mike’s leg for some psychology before waddling over for a few kicks to the face. Rocco comes off the middle rope with a headbutt to the knee as the fans are drowning out the commentary again.

Another headbutt has the knee in trouble and it’s back to Grunge for a knee to the knee. A double back elbow drops Mike and it’s back to the knee. Choking ensues as this match is actually getting some time. Rocco nearly breaks his own shoulder on a missed Lionsault and it’s a double tag to bring in Todd and Grunge. Everything breaks down and the Nasty Boys come out but Mike rolls up Grunge for the pin before they can interfere.

Rating: D+. The match was the junk you would expect, but I’ll give the XWF points for pushing the Shane Twins like they have. They’ve been put over all three of the established teams in a row and came out looking like they could mean something soon. That’s a good sign, but it’s not like any of those three teams meant anything at this point.

The Wall, looking WAY different than he did in WCW, says people are going to run into him.

Gene brings out Jimmy Snuka and his son as you can see the coconut references from here. Why they come out to an instrumental version of Marilyn Manson’s The Beautiful People is beyond me. Jimmy puts over the fans when Roddy Piper comes out to call them both coconut heads and sing about a lovely bunch of coconuts.

Gene tries to get Piper to come fight Snuka but Piper makes fun of Gene’s hair instead. More coconut references ensue but Piper says Rena Mero won’t let him fight. She comes out and says go ahead because she’s a big Snuka fan. Piper claims an arm injury and makes Buff Bagwell/Vampiro vs. Ian Harrison/Curt Hennig.

Knobbs recaps the first half of the show, calling Josh Matthews the winner of the first match because it’s too hard to remember the Drezden squash from 20 minutes ago. He confirms that the bodyguards were Tugboat, Barbarian and 4×4 who you likely won’t remember from 1999 WCW.

Cruiserweight Title: Kid Kash vs. AJ Styles

Jobber entrance for the challenger AJ. Styles works on a hammerlock to start as the announcers talk about Piper taunting Snuka. Kash is taken down to the mat and we get some decent technical stuff. Back up and AJ blocks an O’Connor Roll by grabbing the ropes. Well at least he was supposed to as Kash was already rolling backwards before AJ was touching them but the idea was there.

They trade armdrags, hiptosses and legsweeps to get us to a standoff. Styles and Kash go nose to nose before Kash gets the crowd on his side. AJ misses a spinning kick to the face but gets two off a superkick. A dropkick mostly misses and the fans loudly boo Styles’ efforts. We hit a chinlock on the champion but Kash quickly fights up and gets two off a middle rope clothesline. Kash runs up the corner for a spinning cross body before the double underhook piledriver is enough to retain the title.

Rating: C-. Bad botches aside, there just wasn’t much here. This is as token of a cruiserweight division as you can get, though based on how green AJ looked out there it isn’t hard to see why. Styles needed more seasoning and a short term All-Star company like this is the place to get it.

The XWF Girls give Rena ideas. Literally it’s just her saying they gave her good ideas and throwing the cameraman out.

Jimmy Snuka Jr. vs. Vapor

Vapor wrestled for a brief stretch in the WWE as Sakoda and Snuka Jr. was Deuce of Deuce and Domino. Snuka domiantes to start and sends Vapor into the corner for some kicks to the chest. A forward belly to back suplex puts Vapor down to the floor but he comes back with kicks to the leg. They trade chops in the corner before Vapor gets in a gutbuster for two.

We get a bad looking botch as Jimmy was supposed to get a boot up in the corner but Vapor just had to collide with him instead. Vapor’s manager Sonny Onoo’s interference doesn’t work and Jimmy gets two off a neckbreaker. Jimmy Sr. and Sonny get in and the heels are whipped into each other. Stereo Superfly Splashes crush the Japanese contingent and Jr. pins Vapor.

Rating: D+. Vapor had a good look but nothing more than that. It’s pretty clear to see why Snuka Jr. never went anywhere, even though he got better as Deuce Shade in OVW. Jimmy Sr. coming in at the end was a nice moment but it made the ending about him rather than his son, which defeats the purpose of Sr. being down there.

Curt Hennig/Ian Harrison vs. Vampiro/Buff Bagwell

Hennig and Vampiro get things going but it’s quickly off to Harrison before any contact is made. Harrison easily wins a slugout and choke bombs Vampiro down for no cover. Back to Hennig for more right hands as the fans don’t seem to understand the he’s on the heel team. Bagwell and Vampiro double elbow Hennig down before Buff sends him out to the floor.

Heenan nearly runs into Harrison and looks terrified, even though he’s managing Harrison tonight. Back in and it’s off to Vampiro who comes in to a BIG cheer. Hennig takes him down with a knee lift before bringing Harrison back in for a hard clothesline. A gorilla press (most of one at least) sends Vampiro to the floor but Bagwell clotheslines Ian to the outside as well. Everything breaks down and Hennig gets a quick small package on Buff for the pin.

Rating: D. Again no time to go anywhere and the match means nothing. I think Bagwell is supposed to be a top face here but we still haven’t heard anything from him other than “I’m Buff Bagwell and I’m here.” The ending came out of nowhere and really hurt whatever they had going, which to be fair wasn’t much at all.

Vampiro and Buff are about to come to blows when the locker room comes out to break it up to end the show.

Knobbs talks about how the show was starting to take shape before mentioning Rocco Rock, the Wall, Hennig and Hawk all having died since this was taped. That’s quite a way to go out.

Since that would be a horrible way to end this horrible set, here’s a bonus match from the DVD, featuring the only Hulk Hogan match for the promotion. This is also on the Hulk Hogan Ultimate Anthology DVD.

Hulk Hogan vs. Curt Hennig

Hogan shoves him away to start and poses before running Hennig over with a shoulder. Back in and Hennig goes down to a test of strength but Curt comes back with some loud chops. Hogan won’t be sent into the buckle but rams Curt’s head ten times on three buckles plus the mat for good measure. Hogan does his punches in the corner as this is a total squash so far. Curt finally gets in a kick when Hogan lowers his head and the PerfectPlex gets two. I think you know the drill from here. Legdrop ends Curt.

Rating: D. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and would have been a dark match at a major TV taping. Hogan looked fine but there’s only so much you can do in a five minute match. Both guys would be in the WWF by February so it’s not like this was ever going to mean anything.

Post match Hogan poses for awhile before Gene comes in and asks about Hogan’s future plans. Hogan says needs to get in better shape to hang with these young guys around here. As for being in the ring, he has bills to pay and thinks being XWF Champion doesn’t sound bad.

Overall Rating: D. It’s still horrible but things were starting to come to form by the last episode. Like I’ve said every time, there’s no way this promotion was going to last long term. The bare minimum stories, below average action and a near complete lack of promos from wrestlers (I don’t really count people saying they’re here to be a promo) really bring this place down.

If we hadn’t seen most of these guys doing nothing on Nitro for the last few years, MAYBE this could have worked, but the way they were going about it was destined to fail the entire time. This could have worked as a summer tour or something like that, but nothing long term. It’s not the worst promotion I’ve ever seen by a long stretch, but there’s absolutely nothing here that would hold my interest. In a word, this whole thing was dull, and that’s not the kind of promotion that is going to last long term.

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Thunder
Date: August 20, 1998
Location: Fargodome, Fargo, North Dakota
Attendance: 9,721
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Lee Marshall, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is a rare taped show, meaning we’re not likely to get anything new on the stories from Monday. Actually that could be a good thing as we don’t have to hear about Warrior for the better part of two hours. Hopefully the show is more entertaining than it has been recently as it’s become nothing more than a set of worthless matches and next to no angle advancement at all. Let’s get to it.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Psychosis

Unfortunately the announcers are already talking about the Warrior. They shake hands to start with Psychosis pulling the champion into a majistral cradle for two before getting caught in an early headlock. Psychosis fights out and elbows Juvy a few times as the announcers keep talking about WarGames. A cross body gets two for the champion and he puts Psychosis down again with headscissors and spinwheel kicks.

The 450 is broken up and Psychosis gets two off a rollup as we go to a break. Back and they’re in the same places they were before the break with Psychosis putting Juvy down with a backbreaker. The guiilotine legdrop actually connects but Psychosis takes forever to cover and Juvy gets up at two. Juvy flips out of a release German suplex and the Juvy Driver retains the title.

Rating: C. Simple, high flying cruiserweight match to open things up and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was really hoping the announcers wouldn’t spend the entire match talking about the Warrior but it was false hope at best. These two fought each other enough times that they could probably have a good match in their sleep.

Video on the Wolfpack.

Stevie Ray is going to take care of the Giant tonight and no one needs to worry about Booker T’s condition.

Quick look at Warrior debuting.

Jim Duggan vs. Barry Darsow

It’s a power slugout as you would expect with Darsow hammering away to no effect. Duggan fires back with those big right hands and they fall to the floor with Duggan still in control. Back in and the announcers discuss Warrior’s contract situation and promise an update on Monday. Darsow catches Duggan with a knee to the ribs and puts on a neck crank but misses an elbow drop. Jim makes his comeback with a variety of punches and the three point clothesline sets up the Old Glory knee drop for the pin.

Rating: D. Duggan is another guy that’s good at firing up a live crowd but he doesn’t do much for anyone watching on TV. Darsow continues to be on television for reasons I don’t quite get. He’s not terrible or anything but who is going to stop flipping through channels because he’s on Thunder?

Very nice video history of WarGames which fills in some time. This is the kind of stuff you don’t get enough of from WCW. They never were one to talk about their history.

Bret Hart says he’s part of Hogan’s WarGames team before saying how great it is to be US Champion. He knows he can beat Goldberg too.

Mongo wants a piece of Curt Hennig tonight…..for what he did to Flair. Wasn’t that a year ago?

Dean Malenko vs. Brian Adams

Nice to see Dean getting to work with a more main event guy. Dean tries to take Adams down but Brian just knocks him away with pure power. A jawbreaker staggers Adams but he puts Dean down with a backbreaker for two. Malenko goes for the arm but is thrown away again before being thrown to the floor for some shots from Vincent.

Back inside and Adams kicks Dean in the face and hits a gutbuster for two. Dean avoids an elbow but jumps into a bearhug, only to counter it into a nice DDT. It’s Cloverleaf time but a Vincent distraction lets Hennig run in with a cheap shot, allowing Adams to hit the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the win.

Rating: C. Surprisingly good match here with Dean playing David to Adams’ Goliath quite well. The ending is all you can expect from an NWO match but it’s nice to see Dean getting a chance to move up the card a little bit. Malenko vs. Hennig could be a great match if they give it more than four minutes.

Video on NWO Hollywood.

We look at Steiner and Bagwell’s segment from Nitro with Steiner claiming various injuries.

Saturn vs. Horace vs. Raven vs. Kanyon

Four corners match here and you have to tag. Raven and Saturn start but Raven tags in Horace before there’s any contact. Horace takes Saturn down with a quick slam and sends him into the corner, only to have Saturn come back with kicks to the head and an elbow to the jaw to take over. Saturn blasts Kanyon in the face for a tag and it’s Kanyon firing off forearms to keep the big man Horace in trouble. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Kanyon and it’s Raven’s turn to get a piece of Horace.

Raven immediately tries to boss Horace around but goes to the eyes when that fails miserably. Horace fights back but gets tagged by Kanyon, only to have Horace help Raven put Kanyon down. Raven works over Kanyon with a knee lift before bringing Horace back in for a slam. It’s quickly back to Raven for three straight Russian legsweeps before he brings in Saturn for the first time. A big belly to belly suplex puts Kanyon down again and it’s off to Horace who walks into a suplex from Kanyon. This is moving faster than it sounds.

Horace comes right back with a splash for two but is tired of the wrestling and gets the stop sign. He misses Saturn and hits Raven in the head though to put Raven and Kanyon down. Both guys crawl over to Saturn but he won’t tag. Instead he smacks Kanyon in the face for a tag and beats on Raven like he stole something.

A pair of belly to belly suplexes sets up a top rope splash for two before hitting Kanyon in the face again for a tag. Kanyon picks up Saturn and throws him on Raven to get himself a two count but walks into a t-bone suplex from Saturn for two. The Flatliner gets two on Horace but the goons pull Kanyon to the floor. Saturn joins in the fight, allowing Raven to DDT Horace for the pin.

Rating: B-. Wild but fun match here with everyone getting to show off a bit. It’s nice to see someone getting elevated out of this story, even if there’s no end in sight. Raven getting a win is nice for a change as Saturn has been dominating the feud for a good while now. Best match on Thunder in awhile.

Giant promises to close the gap, and he doesn’t mean the one between Stevie Ray’s teeth.

Steve McMichael vs. Curt Hennig

Tony actually has some insight for us: if one man wins WarGames and gets a title shot as a result, what’s the point of having teams? Hennig is tossed around and out to the floor to start before going after the knee back inside. Mongo gets tired of selling and beats Curt up some more before laying him out with a neckbreaker. A pair of shoulder blocks look to set up the tombstone but Rude hits Mongo in the back with a chair, drawing out Dean Malenko for the DQ. Thankfully this was short.

Mongo and Malenko get beaten down with ease.

The Giant vs. Stevie Ray

Giant is in street clothes for some reason. He taunts Stevie to start so Stevie kicks him in the face (nice looking one too) and Giant goes down. This brings in Hall to jump Stevie, but the bell doesn’t ring until Giant picks Stevie up for the chokeslam.

The Black and White surround Stevie before a Warrior montage takes us out.

Overall Rating: D+. Let’s see: the show sucks without the star power, but the star power isn’t interesting either. Is it any wonder why the company was on its very last legs as far as being competitive? The main event and the main story of this show makes my head spin. With all of the talented people on the roster, they pick STEVIE RAY to push? I mean it’s not like it matters because he’s getting beaten down by the NWO so he’ll join them before the month is out, but why is this not Jericho or even Eddie? The rest of the show, save for the fourway, wasn’t interesting at all.

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Today doesn’t have the best options so you get a double shot: Chris Masters and the Bushwhackers due to Luke’s birthday.

We’ll start with the older of the two. Luke Williams is of course one half of the Bushwhackers who got their start as the bloodthirsty team known as the Sheepherders. Their most famous match was at the 1986 Crockett Cup Tag Team Tournament against the Fantastics, though the full version doesn’t exist on video as far as I know.

Crockett Cup Quarter-Finals: Sheepherders vs. Fantastics

 

Big brawl to start and the Fantastics clear the ring. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton until the Fantastics dropkick everything in sight to send them to the floor. Clipped to Butch hammering on Fulton. I’ve seen this before it seems. Out to the floor for more dropkicking and it turns into a brawl. Fulton is beaten down on the floor and can barely move. Rodgers is ticked off because of it.

 

Clipped to Luke beating on Fulton but the flag bearer messes up, resulting in Luke going into the flag. There’s the hot tag to Rodgers and Butch is busted open. The cameraman and referee are taken out and now Fulton is busted as well. The flag bearer tries to cheat again and one more time it doesn’t work. The future Wackers get the flag stick in the ring and beat on Fulton with it but as is the case in wrestling, they get beat on with it as well. Another referee comes down to wake up the first and it’s another double DQ. That means the Road Warriors are in the finals as well.

 

Rating: B. Meltzer gave THIS five stars? It’s a fun brawl and WAY violent for its time, but the clipping must have killed it because this wasn’t a classic or anything resembling one. It’s good and the most fun match on the show so far, but if the full version was 15 minutes, this was the low half of it. My mind continues to be blown by his ratings at times as this is one of the matches better than Savage vs. Steamboat? Really?

The team would stick around the NWA for a few more years before jumping to the WWF, where they were mainly used as a comedy team that feuded with the Rougeau Brothers, including a match at Wrestlemania V.

Bushwhackers vs. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

ALL AMERICAN BOYS BABY! That would be the Rougeau’s theme song and one of the most awesome entrances in company history. Seriously, go Youtube that thing. Jimmy Hart loses his jacket somehow but the Rougeaus save it in a humane act. Not that it matters as the Bushwhackers clear the ring a second later. Luke and Ray start things off and Ray quickly takes him down. I turn my head for a minute and come back to hearing Jesse say “So as far as you’re concerned, tear down the Statue of Liberty?” Like I said, commentary was a bit different back then.

Luke and Butch clear the ring of Rougeaus again before it’s down to Luke and Jacques. Butch tries to interfere for no apparent reason and Luke gets caught in a Boston Crab. In a sequence that has haunted me for years, Ray loads up Luke for a slam and while Luke is upside down, he rubs Ray’s crotch. There’s nothing more to it than that and to this day I don’t know why he did that.

Anyway Ray puts on an abdominal stretch as a fan or two chants USA. In theory that would be for the Rougeaus here who are the All American Boys facing the guys from New Zealand. The Rougeaus prematurely hug and get caught by the Battering Ram and a double gutbuster is good for the pin on Ray out of nowhere.

Rating: D. It’s a comedy match and not a very fun one. This is called a big upset but I don’t really see how you can call it that. It’s not like either team is great or even good here and the Bushwhackers were still brand new here, so presumably they had won most of their matches up to this point. I don’t get it but whatever.

Even though they were a comedy team, the Bushwhackers did get the occasional tag title shot, such as this one against the Nasty Boys at Saturday Night’s Main Event #29.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Bushwhackers

This is the Nastys’ first major defense since winning the belts from the Hart Foundation at Wrestlemania 7. Brian pounds away on Luke in the corner but Luke comes back and scares Knobbs into the corner. Some shoulders in the corner have Luke in trouble but everything breaks down with the Bushwhackers taking over. The Nastys are sent to the floor for some regrouping before we get down to Sags vs. Butch. Sags gets kneed in the chest and a double clothesline gets two as everything breaks down again.

A pair of Battering Rams send the Nastys to the floor and the challengers strut a bit. Things settle down and Luke gets elbowed over and over for two. Butch breaks up a cover and gets a hot tag to clean house on the champions. Knobbs gets two off a clothesline and everything breaks down yet again. We get a botched near fall with Butch being thrown onto Knobbs but Sags is late breaking up the pin. Knobbs double legs Luke and Sags adds a bit of leverage for the pin to retain.

Rating: D-. This was horrible quality but keep in mind that this was a TV special before the idea of top level weekly wrestling became a big deal. The Bushwhackers were as fun of a team as you could ask for and the fans always got into them. It’s not a good match or anything but the crowd liked it.

We’ll wrap up the team with an entry from perhaps the worst show ever: Heroes of Wrestling.

Bushwackersvs. NikolaiVolkoff/IronSheik

I’m calling them the Bushwackers as they’re Luke and Butch, formerly the Bushwackers. There’s some guy with Volkoff but he’s another guy that is imitating a better manager. I’m just not sure who he’s imitating. We get the USA chant going, despite the faces being from New Zealand but this isn’t the smartest crowd in the world.

 

The manager is dressed up in a Russian military uniform. Oh dear. He speaks English with a so bad it’s funny but the show is so bad it’s not funny accent if that makes sense. Oh and Volkoff is now an Olympian also. We get the Russian National Anthem of course and the Persian clubs which are as old school as possible.

 

The clubs become Iranian all of a sudden and we’re three minutes into this. Sheik needs to humble someone. It would be more entertaining. We hear about Hogan and Backlund for no reason at all but whatever. That’s my word for this show: whatever. We’re at about 5 minutes of build for this disaster. I guess Bushwackers is a copyrighted term.

 

Somehow they look better than anyone else. Luke licked my face once. Can we get the tape of the Bushwackers on Family Matters instead of me having to watch this atrocity? Apparently they’ve won tag titles in 26 countries. Well ok then. The heels jump them early to start to further establish that they’re EVIL. Dutch explains the term short end of the stick which has some kind of scale according to him. Please, just take me now.

 

Sheik gets on the mic and says if they keep chanting USA then he’ll leave. You know what comes next. The announcers argue about cutting each other off. I hate this show quite a bit. They’re really trying to get this whole they’re Heroes thing embedded in. Can we just watch Heroes instead? Just the first season though as it’s by far the best. Sheik is wearing shorts also.

 

The kicks they’re throwing aren’t even close at all. How much are these guys being paid? I guarantee you it’s too much. After a “slam” Nikolai covers Luke and Butch comes in for the save. He doesn’t need to though as Nikolai reacts to the saving shot before it hits so there we are again.

 

The camel clutch, which made British Bulldog tap inside of 5 seconds in 1986 is on for 15 seconds before Butch saves. At least I think he saved as we cut to a shot of the manager so for all I know Butch just did the Charleston for awhile and Sheik didn’t like his movement and showed him what to do. Who knows though?

 

I do however know that the manager raised his right arm. You can hear individual lines from the fans by the way. And I mean individual conversations, not just random screams. ANOTHER foreign object misses and Luke pins Sheik with the fastest count this side of Nick Patrick gets the three. The heels almost fight afterwards but they hug it out.

Rating: G+. That’s below an F-. This was stupid and bad. I think it was a comedy match but I couldn’t tell. They did manage to name the heel team The Iron Curtain though which I can’t believe no one got that before. We’re half done with this and I want to cry. Or die, either one. Getting humbled wouldn’t be bad either. When the Bushwackers are the best workers in there, that’s not saying a lot at all.

Overall the Bushwhackers were perfectly fine for what they were in the WWF: a comedy act to give the kids something fun. Luke even licked my face at a house show once which is one of those things you just don’t forget no matter what. They were the polar opposites as the Sheepherders and got to show more of their talents with the original gimmick.

Moving on to Chris Masters. If there’s ever been a guy only known for one thing, this is it. That’s a shame too as the guy had some actual talent. He would starts in OVW as part of a team with Brent Albright before debuting on Raw doing his Masterlock Challenge. The idea was simple: break his full nelson and get cash. His first major feud was against Shawn Michaels, culminating in a match at Unforgive 2005.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Masters

 

Masters is undefeated here. Shawn does his in ring entrance but Masters grabs him in the Masterlock (full nelson) before the bell rings. See, why don’t more people get that idea? The bell rings and Shawn counters this time. Shawn takes over and dives to the floor, hitting a bunch of right hands after a plancha connects. Masters is sent into the steps as the idea is he’s shaken up from never being tested before.

 

Shawn grabs a chair but gets it taken away, allowing Masters to get a shot in to take over. Masters is put into a powerbomb position and rammed back first into the post twice. Back in the ring Masters takes over and drops a leg for two. A delayed vertical gets two. Michaels can’t get anything going because of his back and the power of Masters. Off to a backbreaker but Masters holds Shawn over the knee for a submission attempt.

 

Shawn tries a crucifix but Masters counters into a full nelson attempt. Instead here’s a torture rack and the referee goes old school by checking the arm. Shawn counters into a sunset flip for two. Masters is bleeding from the nose. Here’s the Masterlock but Shawn goes rudo and kicks Masters low while he’s got the referee distracted. A slugout is won by HBK and there’s the forearm (called the Flying Burrito by JR) followed by the nipup.

 

The top rope elbow hits and it’s time to stomp the mat loudly to let my opponent know that his finisher is coming. Like clockwork Masters ducks and hooks the Masterlock. Shawn fights to the corner and gets over the top rope somehow, forcing a break. Masters tries the hold again but Shawn escapes and there’s the superkick for the pin. Shawn collapsing after getting the pin is always a nice touch.

 

Rating: B. Good stuff here as Shawn does his usual stuff but still pulls out a good match. He knew timing, which is what so many wrestlers have no clue about. He knew how to make his comebacks mean stuff and played everything to perfection. Good stuff which you never see from most young guys because it’s not important to learn in the eyes of the trainers today.

Masters would stay near the top of the card and get a world title shot at New Year’s Revolution 2006 inside the Elimination Chamber.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Carlito vs. Chris Masters vs. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane

Naturally it takes forever to get to this match but less time than last year which is at least a plus. Cena of course gets a lot of boos. This wasn’t even the most hated that he would ever get. He starts with Shawn. Cena isn’t ready to do that yet so this is nowhere near what it sounds like. Just 18 minutes between the ending of the last “match” and the bell in this one. The fans are ALL OVER Cena here.

The Chamber really does look awesome to say the least. Cena can sell really well. Kane comes in last due to winning a Beat the Clock Challenge. He’s the odds on favorite. That’s most amusing. In third is Carlito. He means nothing at this point either and no one really knew why he was in this. Nothing at all happens here other than some potential alliances. Finally Angle comes in to wake the crowd up by suplexing the living tar out of everyone in the freaking match.

Styles saying Angle is all impact amuses me. I mean he must throw everyone 4-5 times each. I have never seen anyone wake a match up like Angle did. Shawn is busted after being thrown into one of the cells. Good night Angle throws a pretty suplex. I mean Angle is just completely dominating. He gets the ankle lock on Shawn and then on Carlito. Masters finally comes in for the save. We’ve fought 15 minutes or so at this point and look at how little I’ve had to say.

Masters comes in and takes an ankle lock. Cena makes a save for no apparent reason and goes for the FU but Angle reverses into ANOTHER ankle lock. He’s just on freaking fire tonight. And then Shawn kicks him in the head and pins him. Yeah seriously, that’s how they get rid of him. Give me a freaking break. Ok it’s not that bad but I hate the out of nowhere ones like that.

You can tell they’re just killing time at this point as nothing at all is happening. Kane comes in so they’re all in now. I seriously couldn’t care less. This thing is boring as anything you can think of. After some brief domination, Kane chokeslams everyone but like an idiot never covers them. Carlito and Masters double team him and amazingly…it works. They do a double DDT and then a press slam of Carlito onto Kane.

At this point, it becomes somewhat clear how this is going to end and it gets dumber and dumber every second. Oh I forgot to mention that Shawn is bleeding. The problem with this match: Carlito and Chris Masters are dominating. Still, this is better than the Extreme Elimination Chamber as Shawn and Cena are at least major star power. Four of the six here were legit title guys and Carlito and Masters were solid midcard heels at the time, so it’s forgivable.

Don’t get me wrong: it’s freaking dumb and it’s bad, but it could be worse. The other four being awesome balances it out a lot. Shawn gets Sweet Chin Music on Cena and Carlito hits a rolling cutter (Cody Rhodes’ finisher) on Shawn to pin him. Yes, the final three are Carlito, Masters and Cena. This is freaking stupid. No one bought Cena losing for a second.

I was reading WZ and was on AIM at the same time with a girl I knew who was a Cena fan and was telling her what was going on. She went to bed at this point as it was obvious to even her, a mark, that this was ending with Cena winning. The fans are now cheering for Cena as they see the alternatives. That’s rather funny. So they double team him for about 5 minutes until the Masterlock is put on. Carlito low blows Masters and rolls him up before getting rolled up by Cena to win the match.

Rating: D. Seriously, Masters and Carlito? This is short because literally the second the match ends, Vince’s music starts playing and it becomes clear what’s going on and why the Chamber sucking means nothing, so I won’t bother going into detail on it.

Masters’ career would take a sharp downturn after this as he would be stuck in the midcard until being released at the end of 2007. He would move on to various international tours before coming back to WWE in 2009. Here’s a random match against January 18, 2010 against Randy Orton.

Chris Masters vs. Randy Orton

Masters has the always gorgeous Eve Torres with him here. The bell rings and we immediately get Sheamus, Orton’s opponent at the upcoming Royal Rumble. Masters hits a quick shoulder but can’t get the Master Lock. A scoop slam gets two for Chris but he walks into the backbreaker for no cover. The RKO is countered into the Master Lock but Orton eventually makes a rope. In an awkward looking ending, Masters leans forward to grab the hold again but Orton just puts on the RKO for the pin.

Masters wouldn’t do much in WWE after this as he would be stuck on Superstars for the most part. He would be released a year or so later and get back to the indies.

Overall Chris Masters is a guy who was a victim of the current WWE creative process. He clearly has talent but he was given one of the least creative gimmicks possible and when it didn’t get over, his push stopped cold. That’s the opposite of how pushes used to work; back in the day you would keep switching gimmicks until you found what worked because the talent was there. Now it’s the writers who have all the ideas and if you don’t get over, it’s off to Superstars with you. That’s a shame too as Masters had potential.

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Smackdown
Date: January 10, 2014
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

There isn’t much to talk about coming into this show. Monday was Old School Raw and the biggest story to come out of that was the surprising return of Jake Roberts who looked better than he has in years. Talk has turned to the Rumble though as we’re now just over two weeks away. Things can start to get very interesting very fast around this time so hopefully the pace picks up. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Wyatt Family promo and Bray talking about Daniel being lost and needing his guidance.

Usos vs. Wyatt Family

It’s Harper and Rowan with no Daniel or Bray in sight. Harper overpowers Jimmy to start by driving him into the corner, only to have Jey make a blind tag and sneak in with a kick to Harper’s ribs. That’s all good with Luke as he takes Jey down with ease before bringing in Rowan who gets kicked in the chest to change control again. Rowan runs him over with a shoulder and puts Jey on the corner for forearms to the chest from both monsters.

Erick stays on Jey but gets kicked in the head, knocking him back into the corner for a tag back to Harper. Luke kicks Jimmy off the apron to break up a tag before it’s back to Rowan for some face pulling. Jey tries to fight back but gets caught in a fallaway slam for no cover. Harper comes back in and breaks up another tag attempt with a shot to the ribs and another to the jaw.

A catapult sends Jey throat first into the middle rope and we hit the Gator Roll. Back to Rowan for the fist head squeeze until Jey fights out with a jawbreaker and Whisper in the Wind. Harper and Jimmy come in off the hot tags with Jimmy speeding things up but not moving as quickly as he usually does.

A Samoan drop puts Harper down but Jimmy has to superkick Rowan, only to walk into a Michinoku Driver from Harper. Everything breaks down and Jimmy rolls Luke up for two. Harper is sent to the floor so Jimmy can hit a big dive to put everyone down. Rowan runs Jey over as Harper comes back with the discus lariat, leading to the double countout at 9:45.

Rating: C+. The match was entertaining but we’re getting very close to the maximum amount of times these teams (or Usos vs. Shield) can happen with the fans still caring. It’s been the same match over and over for months now and it’s losing its interest every week. It also doesn’t help that the Usos have been in the same spot in the division for months now with wins and losses meaning nothing for them.

Post match the Wyatts get ready to destroy Jey but Jimmy makes the save and gets them out of there. They get up the ramp but Bryan and Wyatt jump them from behind and it’s a 4-2 beatdown. There’s the running knee to Jey and Bryan stares at the announcers with his tongue out. Jimmy gets Sister Abigail and all four Wyatts pose. For some reason this was on a wider camera shot.

Randy Orton comes into Vickie’s office and demands to see HHH and Stephanie but they’re not here tonight. Randy is in a match tonight but hasn’t been consulted like he’s supposed to be. Vickie loads up the Best for Business line but Orton doesn’t want to hear it. He’s going to give the Authority a piece of his mind on Raw because it’s best for Randy Orton.

It’s MizTV with special guest the Big Show. Before Show comes out we look at Lesnar breaking Mark Henry’s arm on Monday before Big Show came out and threw Lesnar around. Miz recaps the story again and asks Big Show why he did what he did. Big Show puts it simply: he doesn’t like Brock Lesnar and never has. He’s not happy that Brock Lesnar is back and doesn’t like it when everyone who stands up to Brock Lesnar is left laying.

Big Show challenges Lesnar to a fight and here’s Heyman to answer. Heyman calls Lesnar the Ultimate Fighter of WWE and asks if Big Show wants to fight Brock right now. Big Show is ready and Heyman does his always great fake out, saying Brock will fight when Heyman says so. Heyman throws out an offer for a match at the Royal Rumble and says Brock will not be a hard man to find before then.

Batista is still coming.

Video on the Network announcement. I drool more every time I hear the details.

Ryback/Curtis Axel/Real Americans vs. Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Los Matadores

Diego sends Axel into the corner but Axel knees him in the ribs and takes over. They run the ropes until Diego stops to shout OLE! Axel sends him into the corner for something like Ultimo Dragon’s headstand until Diego takes him down with a headscissors. Off to Fernando who gets taken into the corner for the tag to Cesaro. Fernando nips up off the mat into a headscissors and it’s back to Diego to chop Swagger in the head.

Axel comes in immediately and gets dropkicked by Sin Cara, sending him into the corner for a tag off to Ryback. A few dropkicks have Ryback in trouble but he bails to the floor before Rey can hit the 619. The good guys are in control as we go to a break. Back with Swagger driving a knee into Rey’s ribs and elbowing him in the face.

The Vader Bomb hits feet and Rey kicks him in the head for two as everything breaks down. Torito dives on Axel as Rey rolls out of the Patriot Lock but the 619 is caught, only to have Cara break up the pin. Sin and Axel take each other out to the floor, allowing Rey to hit the 619 and Drop the Dime for the pin on Jack at 4:40 shown of 8:10.

Rating: C. I guess they have to put all the Hispanic guys together since they put all their dancing black people together. We’re just an Aces and 8’s invasion away from GANG WARS 2! This took some time to get going but the ending was very fun. Sin Cara looks like he has some potential….which is why Del Rio beat him in two minutes on Raw I guess.

Video on Cena vs. Orton.

Randy Orton vs. Big E. Langston

Non-title of course. Langston takes him down with a shoulder block but Orton rolls to the floor before a cover. Back in and a headlock sets up another shoulder block sends Orton to the floor again. Orton comes in again and punches Big E. down, only to walk into a headbutt for two. Langston sends Orton to the mat with a single right hand to the ribs before slapping on an armbar.

Orton fights up again and pounds on Big E., only to get caught in a backbreaker. A second backbreaker gets two and Langston is getting in a zone. Randy escapes the Big Ending and bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with the chinlock until Big E. powers out, only to get kneed in the ribs for two. Back to the chinlock but Big E. fights up again.

The comeback is short lived again though as Orton sends him through the ropes to the floor. Langston is sent into the steps twice in a row for two before we hit the chinlock again. Big E. fights up one more time and runs Orton over twice in a row, followed by a belly to belly suplex. The Warrior Splash gets two but Orton hits his backbreaker to get a breather. The RKO is countered with a splash in the corner but Orton pokes Big E. in the eye, setting up the RKO for the pin at 14:28.

Rating; C+. I missed pokes to the eyes. They’re such a simple heel move but they can be just what you need to get a heel through an ending. This match worked for the most part but it could have had a few minutes of chinlocks taken out. It’s good that Langston gets to look like he can hang in there against top guys. There’s a future there if he’s used properly.

Bray Wyatt talks about fate being a dangerous beast. She tears you apart with her teeth while tearing you apart with her eyes. Bray wants to know if he cuts an Uso, will the other bleed? He asks about the lies of the world, making Daniel scream LIE. Daniel rants about the lies of the world making him want to ram his head into a wall until he breaks something.

Xavier Woods vs. Fandango

This is a result of Fandango interrupting and costing Truth and Woods a match on Main Event. Truth joins commentary and says he and JBL are down like four flat tires. Woods takes him down with a headlock to start but Fandango sends him out to the floor. Xavier slingshots back into a rollup for the pin at 1:25. It’s as fast as it sounds.

Post match Summer Rae goes into the ring to yell but the Funkadactyls take care of her. Truth beats up Fandango for fun.

The Usos promises to show the Wyatts pain on Monday.

The Raw ReBound recaps most of the show.

Shield comes to the ring for the main event. Reigns declares himself the new best in the world after pinning Punk on Raw. Ambrose says there’s no reason for someone to own a ten foot python and it gave him nightmares. He goes into a rant about choking the snake but Rollins takes the mic and says tonight is about the future, meaning it’s not about the New Age Outlaws. They’ll break Punk like they always do because they are the future.

Shield vs. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws

The Outlaws haven’t wrestled on Smackdown in nearly 13 years. Naturally the Philadelphia fans are WAY into Punk. Ambrose and Punk get things going with Dean headlocking Punk to the mat, only to get caught in a headscissors. Off to Road Dogg who works on the arm for a few seconds before handing it off to Billy for more cranking. Cole screws up history by saying the Outlaws debuted as part of DX as Billy puts Rollins in an armbar. The Outlaws take turns on the armfor a bit before Punk comes in with a top rope elbow to the arm.

Seth gets in a shot to the jaw and tags in Ambrose, only to have Punk take him down into an Indian Deathlock. Punk misses the high kick and Dean bails to the floor as everything breaks down. Shield is sent to the floor to regroup as we take a break. Back with Ambrose working over Road Dogg until Roadie comes back with the shaky right hands. Rollins comes back in with a knee to the head for two before it’s back to Reigns for some corner stomping. Back to Ambrose who does the Road Dogg arm wiggle, only to have Road punch him in the face.

Ambrose will have none of this selling for old guys and knees Dogg in the ribs before tagging off to Rollins for a chinlock. Road Dogg is taken back into the corner for more triple teaming before Reigns comes back in for a chinlock. Reigns lets him go and ducks his head, allowing Road Dogg to put him down with a DDT. Ambrose can’t break up the hot tag attempt and it’s Punk in to clean house.

CM hits his usual stuff on Ambrose but can’t get the GTS. Both guys hit cross bodies to put each other down and it’s a double tag to bring in Billy vs. Roman. Everything breaks down with Gunn cleaning house and getting two off a Jackhammer to Rollins. Punk hits a suicide dive to take out Seth but Billy takes too long setting up the Fameasser, allowing Reigns to spear him down for the pin at 14:25.

Rating: C-. This feud has lost its way. Punk beat Shield on his own, so why should I want to see him fight them with a variety of partners? I have no problem with the Outlaws getting a match on Smackdown as they still looked fine out there. They were never my favorite team though and it’s not like they were known for their in ring work in the first place. The match wasn’t bad but it was little more than fine.

Overall Rating: D+. I remember reading something like same Smackdown, different week and that’s about as accurate as it gets. There’s just nothing on these shows that you need to see and we’re not even getting a great match every week anymore. The show is back to being a supplement to Raw and that’s not something I need when Raw is as bloated as it is.

Results

Wyatt Family vs. Usos went to a double countout

Rey Mysterio/Los Matadores/Sin Cara b. Real Americans/Ryback/Curtis Axel

Randy Orton b. Big E. Langston – RKO

Xavier Woods b. Fandango – Rollup

Shield b. CM Punk/New Age Outlaws – Spear to Gunn

 

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Royal Rumble 1998
Date: January 18, 1998
Location: San Jose Arena, San Jose, California
Attendance: 18,542
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the year of Austin and for once, the WWF is looking good going forward as the debcale that was the main event of Starrcade has caused WCW to hit a brick wall. The main event tonight is Shawn defending the title against Taker because he didn’t want to face Owen Hart, the most logical opponent. Also there’s the Rumble, which is obvious of a winner as there’s been in years, but in this case that’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the two main matches as you would expect. The rest of the card doesn’t mean much anyway.

Mike Tyson is in a skybox.

 

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

 

This is during Goldie’s midlife crisis/PAY ATTENTION TO ME phase. These two had a great match at Clash of the Champions so maybe this won’t suck. Goldust jumps him as Jerry is glad the gold one is in men’s clothing again. Vader shrugs off the shots to the back and chases Goldust to the floor. Vader rams him into Luna as we hear about Austin not being here yet. Goldust is sent into the steps as Vader keeps control.

 

Back in and Luna trips Vader up, finally allowing Goldie to get in a clothesline. Another clothesline puts him down and Goldust works on the leg a bit. Goldie drops a middle rope elbow to the ribs and we head back to the floor. Vader is sent into the steps so Luna can choke him a bit before we head back in. Goldust pounds away again but stops to kiss Vader. I may not be a pro wrestler, but I know better than to kiss a guy called the Rocky Mountain Monster.

 

Vader kills him with a clothesline and suplexes Goldust down before getting two off a splash. Vader loads up the Vader Bomb but a low blow stops him cold. Another clothesline puts Goldie down again and Vader sits on his chest. He loads up the Bomb again and despite Luna jumping in his back, Vader drops it anyway and crushes Goldust for the pin.

 

Rating: D. The place popped for the ending which did look cool, but other than that this was a messed up match. Goldust in this gimmick didn’t really work because at the end of the day, he’s still boring old Dustin Rhodes working the same standard style. It’s not horrible but it’s not a good choice to have on a PPV.

 

Austin gets here and tells Cole to park his truck. Southern Justice (the heel Godwinns) follow him, presumably to jump him.

 

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

 

Minis here with Sunny as the referee. Max Mini (more famous as Mascarita Sagrada) is by far the most famous of these guys as he’s about 4 and a half feet tall but can move around very quickly. Nova and Tarantula start things off with Tarantula (on the heel team) being way bigger. Nova takes him down with some headscissors before it’s quickly off to Batallion (military themed guy) vs. Max. Max armdrags him to the floor which brings in Torito, meaning we’re in lucha rules (meaning sending someone to the floor means another member of your team can come in without an actual tag).

 

Torito can actually get his head over the top rope, meaning he’s just under the size of Rey Mysterio. Mosaic comes in and gets caught in a gorilla press and a release flapjack. A second flapjack attempt is caught in a wrist drag to send Torito to the floor and it’s off to Tarantula. That goes nowhere so here’s Battalion again. The fast tags continue as here’s Nova vs. Torito already.

 

They both hit the floor so Mosaic speeds things up against Battalion again. Mosaic spins him around again a few times before it’s back to Mini vs. Tarantula. Max gets caught in a spinebuster but goes up top almost immediately for a delayed rana. Max sends him to the floor and Tarantula backs off. Back in and Torito hits a Mafia kick to the back of Max’s head and a chop puts him down again.

 

For no apparent reason Sunny picks Max up so he can dropkick the villains. I can only assume Sunny is there to give the fans anything to care about. Mosaic and Battalion go to the floor as does Torito so Max can hit his big dive. The others dive on them as well and it’s a big pile on the floor. Back in Max rolls up Torito for the pin.

 

Rating: C. I’m going with a C because I have no idea what else to go with. I don’t know who these people are, I have no idea why I should care, and I might have seen these guys twice other than this (aside from Max). These matches are really hard to get into because there’s nothing to them. Much like a lot of the luchador matches in WCW had the same issue: why should I care about these people?

 

The Nation goes to attack Austin but only find an Austin foam finger.

 

The McMahons are in Tyson’s sky box.

 

We recap Shamrock vs. Rock. Shamrock has charged through the Nation to get this shot at the unofficial leader of the team. Mark Henry joined the Nation to save Rock from Shamrock less than a week ago.

 

The Nation argues over which of them will win the Rumble. Rock says the fans of course want to know what he thinks of Clinton and Paula Jones, so he tells the President not to lie down with dogs or you might get fleas. This joke would be done way better over the next few weeks.

 

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

 

Rock is defending of course. Feeling out process to start with Rocky trying to get a cheap shot in the corner. Both guys shove the other into the corner and Shamrock blocks a shot to the face before hitting one of his own. They run the ropes a bit until Shamrock kicks him in the chest and knocks the champion out to the floor. Back in and Rock pounds away a bit before hitting a corner clothesline. Ken comes back with some clotheslines of his own but the standing clothesline is countered into a hot shot for two.

 

They’re trying to get out of first gear here but it’s really not working that well. The champ pounds on him in the corner and but gets caught in a fisherman’s suplex for two. Back to the floor with Shamrock going into the steps and then back into the ring. The spinning DDT gets two for Rock and it’s off to the chinlock. Rock tries the spinning DDT again but gets caught in a northern lights suplex for two instead.

 

Shamrock pounds away some more and gets two off a powerslam. The Nation comes out and sneaks Rocky some knuckles whick go upside Ken’s head for two. Rock hides said knuckles in Shamrock’s trunks, just before getting belly to bellied for the pin and the title. Keep that in mind of course.

 

Rating: D+. Rock would get better, but at the end of the day this didn’t work that well. It was mainly punching with both guys trying to throw in a move here or there. This feud never quite worked as well as they were shooting for I don’t think and with Rocky holding the title forever, it didn’t do Shamrock much good either.

 

Post match the referee finds the knuckles and reverses the decision. The referee is beaten up very badly for his efforts.

 

A Coliseum Video Exclusive from “moments later” show a clean and dry Shamrock in jeans attacking the Rock.

 

Los Boricuas attack someone that they think is Austin but find one of the Disciples of Apocalypse. Brawling ensues.

 

We recap the LOD vs. the Outlaws, which is old school vs. new with the Outlaws defending the titles. The Outlaws put a big old beating on the LOD and tonight is their return.

 

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Legion of Doom

 

The Outlaws make fun of the 49ers who lost in the NFC Title game recently to the Packers. The LOD says that Animal’s back is fine and they’re putting the Outlaws on ice tonight. The Outlaws jump the challengers which goes badly in a hurry, as Animal powerbombs the Dogg. The champions try to walk out but get thrown back in so we can start with Hawk (who had one mohawk shaved off earlier in this feud) vs. Roadie.

 

Off to Animal as Road Dogg’s mouth is bleeding. The pounding continues so here’s Hawk for his one wrestling move in the neckbreaker. Gunn gets the tag and Hawk hits a freaking Lou Thesz Press of all things so he can pound away some more. Animal powerslams both Outlaws down and it’s off to a reverse chinlock on Gunn. Hawk comes in for his second surprise move of the match in an STF.

 

That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal, who is tripped up by Roadie. They head outside where Animal is sent into the steps to finally switch the momentum. Hawk gets double teamed in the ring but clotheslines both Outlaws down (Animal is still legal) but charges into the post. Dogg finds some handcuffs and attaches Hawk to the post, making it a handicap match. Animal makes a comeback with a double clothesline, but Dogg hits him with a chair for the DQ.

 

Rating: D. So with an injury AND his partner tied up on the floor, Animal STILL couldn’t lay down for a pin? Seriously? This match sucked and would have been just slightly better on Raw with less time. The LOD was nothing at this point while the Outlaws were finally starting to turn some heads. Until this point though, they were two jobbers with the titles who kept escaping with them. Brighter days were coming.

The Outlaws destroy Animal until Hawk snaps the handcuffs to make the save.

Some fan wins the Austin truck.

We recap the build up to the Rumble. Basically, everyone knows Austin is going to win and EVERYONE else in the Rumble is trying to stop him but not one has been able to slow him down at all. The only difference here: the fans were eating this stuff up with a spoon.

Royal Rumble

Cactus Jack is #1 and Chainsaw Charlie (Terry Funk) is #2. The intervals are supposed to be two minutes again this year but they would wind up being closer to 90 seconds. Terry brings his chainsaw into the ring so Cactus throws in a bunch of chairs. The referee finally gets the saw out and they pound on each other with chairs. Cactus hits Funk in the head with one, then hands the chair to Funk so he can return the favor. These two aren’t exactly normal if you didn’t catch that.

Tom Brandi is #3 and lasts about ten seconds. Terry punches Jack down but can’t piledrive him on a chair. Cactus suplexes him through two chairs but can’t put him out. Rock is #4 and both hardcore guys are down. Rock pounds on Terry in the corner but Cactus blasts him with a trashcan and the double beating begins. Cactus puts the can over Rock’s head and they pound away on him, knocking him through through ropes and out to the floor. Funk hits Cactus low as Mosh is #5.

Mosh and Funk pair off as do the other two guys. Funk (the announcers are calling him that too) tries a moonsault but it winds up being more of a headbutt than a splash. Phineas Godwinn is #6 and helps Rock beat up Mosh. Not much happens for a bit until 8-Ball of the DOA is #7. Jack misses a charge and Funk backdrops him out to empty the ring out a bit. Apparently someone who might have been Ken Shamrock has attacked Austin.

Funk barely hangs onto the rope to avoid elimination until Blackjack Bradshaw (yes that Bradshaw) is #8 and looking as muscular as you’ll ever see him look. We talk about Mike Tyson while things slow down a bit until Owen Hart is #9. Jeff Jarrett, the NWA North American Champion at the time in a strange invasion angle, attacks Owen on his way in. Yeah this is what Owen gets for not bolting to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob. Yes I know he was under contract but you know Vince couldn’t hold him to it in that situation. Hart can’t get in the ring yet.

Steve Blackman is #10 and he has a hairy chest. 8-Ball piledrives Funk as there are way too many guys in the ring right now. Since people seem content to just tease eliminations on the ropes, no one is eliminated until D’Lo Brown is #11. Rock DESTROYS Blackman in the corner before getting in a fight with his Nation teammate D’Lo. Kurrgan, still a psycho monster at this point, is #12.

Thankfully he gets rid of some people like Mosh and….that’s about it for now. Dang it clear the ring out a little bit already. You’re a monster Kurrgan. Go destroy some villager. Marc Mero is #13, giving us a pop for Sable. Mero pounds away on Blackman in the corner but Kurrgan dumps Steve. Bradshaw pounds on Kurrgan as Rock teases not stomping his teammate before kicking away.

Ken Shamrock is #14 and he immediately kicks Kurrgan down. A big gang takes out Kurrgan as Rock hits the People’s Elbow (not yet named) on Funk. Thrasher is #15, giving us Funk, Rock, Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, Owen (not in the ring), Brown, Mero, Shamrock and Thrasher, or as they’re collectively known, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Still nothing happens and Mankind is #16, confusing the announcers and immediately punching Funk out.

Shamrock finally gets his hands on the Rock as Mero asks Sable for praise. Goldust is #17 in a silver bodysuit with a thong painted on. A minute or so later he puts out Mankind but there are still way too many people out there. Jeff Jarrett is #18 and Owen runs in to beat him down. A spinwheel kick puts Jeff down, followed by Owen skinning the cat and dumping Jeff. Honky Tonk Man is #19 as HHH (on crutches) and Chyna come to the ring. Rock dumps Shamrock to complete Ken’s humilation tonight.

HHH gets on the apron and cracks Owen with his crutch to knock Hart out as well. Ahmed Johnson is #20, looking as bored as I can remember a wrestler looking in a long time. WAY too many people in the ring again. Mark Henry of the Nation is #21 and JR says Henry is “handling the big Johnson.” There’s no #22 which was supposed to be Skull, but he was jumped earlier remember.

Johnson is dumped out and he still doesn’t look like he cares. He would be gone next month anyway. Phineas is out after a ridiculous 28 minutes. On top of being in too long, he accidentally kicks a referee in the head on the way down, giving him a legit concussion. Kama Mustafa is #23 to give the Nation four members at the moment. We’re just waiting for Austin at this point.

FINALLY the glass shatters at #24 and the roof goes off the place. Austin comes in through the crowd because he’s got ten people waiting on him as he comes in. There go Mero and 8-Ball and things slow down AGAIN, because we need at least ten people in the match at all times for some reason. Henry Godwinn is #25 and nothing happens. Savio Vega is #26, but since we STILL don’t have enough people in the ring at the moment, he brings in the other three Boricuas to beat on Austin.

Thankfully Austin beats them out quickly but doesn’t eliminate anyone. Faarooq is #27 to give us the entire Nation in the ring. He goes right for the other Nation members though as his face turn continues. Not that anyone cares mind you but he is indeed turning. Austin and Rock tumble through the ropes through the floor to brawl a bit because that’s what those two guys do.

Dude Love is #28 to complete the running joke of the match. He immediately puts out Bradshaw as Goldust is on the floor but not eliminated. You can’t see most of the mat because of how many people are in the ring at the moment. Austin pounds on Rock even more with Rock falling to the floor again. Chainz of DOA is #29 as Faarooq puts Brown out. More brawling ensues until Vader completes the field at #30. This gives us a final group of….hang on I need a breath first…..Rock, Thrasher, Goldust, Honky Tonk Man, Mark Henry, Kama, Austin, Henry Godwinn, Vega, Faarooq, Dude Love, Chainz and Vader, or THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Vader immediately pounds on Goldust and dumps Honky a few seconds later. Austin dumps Thrasher after an insanely too long 28 minutes. Austin puts out Kama to finally clear the ring out a bit. There goes Vega at Austin’s hands as well before Goldust dumps Vader. Godwinn goes out as well before Faarooq puts out Henry. We’re down to Rock, Austin, Love and Faarooq as Chainz was put out by Austin off camera.

The Nation members are thrown together and Rock gets hit by Sweet Shin Music and the double arm DDT. Austin hits Dude low and Faarooq throws Love out. Rock puts out Faarooq to give us Austin vs. Rock. They slug it out and Rock is thrown to the apron. Austin is fine with Stunning him and throwing him out to go on to Wrestlemania where he would claim his destiny.

Rating: D+. Austin was awesome as he always was in 1998, but the rest of this match pretty much sucked. As I said over and over, there were way too many people in there for the most part. Also you had WAY too many people getting time they didn’t deserve. I mean did anyone need to see Phineas, 8-Ball, Bradshaw, D’Lo Brown and Thrasher all getting over 28 minutes? Not much to see here other than Austin and Foley’s funny bit.

Tyson celebrates “Cole Stone” Steve Austin winning the Rumble.

We recap Shawn vs. Undertaker. Basically they feuded extensively in the fall but then after Montreal, Shawn didn’t want to face Owen for a fear of him trying to legit hurt him. Therefore they rehashed Undertaker vs. Shawn for the title here in a casket match. Most of the video here is about the first Cell match, which is still amazing stuff. Oh and one more thing: DX (still just three people at this point) attacked Taker on Raw but Kane had saved his brother, uniting with him for the first time ever. That was six days ago, and remember that a certain Vince Russo is booking.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Like I said, Shawn is defending and this is a casket match. Taker throwing the lights back on makes Shawn jump out of the ring. It’s a brawl to start and Taker immediately grabs Shawn by the throat. Shawn punches his way out of it but jumps into another choke by Taker. An attempt at putting Michaels in the casket doesn’t work, but a backdrop that put Michaels out of action for four and a half years by slamming his spine onto the casket does work.

Shawn slowly gets up and is kicked into the casket but he immediately bounces out. We head back in with Taker missing an elbow but hitting Old School. Shawn gets whipped into the corner for the Flair Flip to the floor, which is probably the last move he needed to do at this point. Back in and Shawn dives into a powerslam but Taker still can’t slam the lid shut. Shawn comes out throwing powder and manages to get a breather. Taker is sent knees first into the steps and Shawn smashes the challenger’s back with the steps.

A piledriver on the steps actually works for Shawn but he’s got a broken back and can’t follow up. HHH whacks Taker with the crutch (where is Owen if he’s so angry?) as Shawn stays in full control. Back in and a jumping back elbow puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Shawn neckbreakers Taker before putting on a sleeper which is eventually countered into a Saito Suplex.

The forearm from Shawn sets up the nipup which sets up the top rope elbow. He must be either high as a kite on painkillers or on a huge adrenaline rush to be able to have a match like this at this point. The superkick knocks Taker out cold but Shawn is Shawn and stops for a crotch chop. Taker grabs him by the balls and we head back inside for the beating Shawn deserves. Another Flair Flip sets up the big boot, but Taker misses a clothesline and lands in the casket.

Shawn drops an elbow into the casket, closing the lid on both guys. Cool spot actually. Shawn crawls out but in a semi famous shot, Taker pulls him back into the casket, closing it with both guys inside again. Back in and Undertaker hits one of the biggest chokeslams he’s ever hit followed by a JUMPING TOMBSTONE into the casket. The Outlaws and the Boricuas run in as we reenact Royal Rumble 1994, but here comes Kane to save the day. By save the day, naturally I mean turn on Undertaker and shut him in the casket to keep the title on Shawn and end the match.

Rating: B. Considering Shawn’s back was literally broken in half during the match, this is a pretty awesome fight. When Taker gets ticked off and wants to hurt somebody, he can lay a beating out like few others in the world. Shawn struggling through a match in this condition is nothing short of great, and the fact that he survived Wrestlemania like this as well is perhaps the greatest physical accomplishment of all time.

Post match Kane nails the casket shut and hacks at it with an ax. He pours gasoline inside and LIGHTS IT ON FIRE to end the show. Taker of course would disappear from the casket once it was opened up.

Overall Rating: D. Good main event aside, this was a REALLY dull show overall. 1998 would wind up being an awesome year, but this wasn’t the best start to it in the world. We saw a lot of the relics of the bad times here, but Austin was coming and there was absolutely nothing WCW could do to stop him. This wasn’t a good show at all, but it was a necessary evil to get us to the glory days.

Ratings Comparison

Vader vs. The Artist Formerly Known As Goldust

Original: B-

Redo: D

Max Mini/Mosaic/Nova vs. Battalion/El Torito/Tarantula

Original: B-

Redo: C

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Legion of Doom vs. New Age Outlaws

Original: D+

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker

Original: B

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D

….what in the world was I on back then?

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/18/royal-rumble-count-up-1998-austin-isnt-a-lock-to-win-please-believe-us/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

 

 

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Get used to this idea with the Network coming.WWE is known for pounding ideas into our heads over and over and over on Raw and Smackdown.  Be it the App, whatever TV show they’re hyping up or any product of the week, you’re going to hear about it every five minutes at worst.  Here’s the thing: that’s a very smart move and exactly what WWE should be doing.  As annoying as it is to fans who watch all the time, I would be shocked if any regular viewer of WWE programing couldn’t rattle off complete details of whatever WWE is hyping at the moment.

On the other hand, look at TNA.  How many things have they had (Video Vault, Xplosion etc) that were never talked about?  Those are ideas that could bring in revenue to the company but instead we’re treated to Tenay and Tazz being “witty.”  WWE pounds ideas into our heads and it’s a big reason why they’re as big as they are.