He’s doing commentary for some of his classic matches on his podcast. The first one up is from Wrestlemania X7 with Austin vs. Rock. It’s basically him talking about the psychology behind the match or what they were shooting for or little things to look for that you wouldn’t see otherwise. This kind of stuff is fascinating and something that has a fortune to be made from wrestling geeks. Check this out if you’re a fan of wrestling and want to get deeper into psychology.
Thought of the Day: From A Different Point Of View
I agree. He is very good.The more I watch Impact, the more impressed I am by Ethan Carter III. The interesting thing about him though is how he came from being a comedy good in WWE to one of the best heels TNA has had in years. He’s just easy to hate and can put on a passable match in the ring, which is all you need when the fans hate your guts. He’s similar to Rick Rude from the early 90s in WCW where Rude went from a glorified comedy guy in WWF to a top heel when he was given a more serious look and treated like a killer. It’s all about the packaging and how seriously the company treats someone.
Smackdown – October 17, 2014
The review will be delayed as I’m in England and have been awake for the better part of 35 hours. Use this thread to discuss all the riveting stuff that happens tonight. Like a tag match. Playa.
NXT – October 16, 2014: Follow the NXT Road
NXT Date: October 16, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Alex Riley, Renee Young
The road to whatever the next big show is called continues and apparently we’re now in the land of Titus O’Neil, who pinned Sami Zayn in last week’s main event. Adrian Neville made the save and is likely going to be Titus’ next opponent. It’s always hard to guess where things are going with NXT week to week so it’s likely something totally unrelated to last week. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Baron Corbin vs. Elias Sampson
End of Days, 18 seconds.
Here’s Sami Zayn with something to say. Last week he lost to Titus O’Neil and that’s not ok because he’s better than that. It’s time to refocus and go after the NXT Title (crowd ERUPTS for that) but Tyson Kidd has other thoughts. Tyson says it’s time to face facts and is wearing an InZayn shirt for some reason. He talks about how Sami is lying to the people because everyone knows he’s going to blow it like he always does.
Sami cuts him off at the knees by asking if Kidd has Natalya’s permission to be out here. Crowd: “YOU GOT SERVED!” Kidd laughs him off but Sami says it’s the start of his road to redemption. He’s good enough to be here and he’s good enough to beat Kidd, which he’ll prove tonight. Sami suggests to go find Breeze’s phone and call Nattie to make sure it’s ok. Kidd: “Why would Breeze have Natalya’s number?” Anyway the match is on for later.
Lucha Dragons vs. Wesley Blake/Buddy Murphy
Non-title. Murphy and Blake are now known as Team Thick. Cara backdrops Blake down and it’s off to Murphy early on. Sin tries a springboard DDT but gets muscled up into a suplex for two. Cool counter. The Thick guys take over on Cara with some power stuff, including a slam and chinlock from Murphy. Cara kicks away and makes the tag so Kalisto can clean house. Everything breaks down and Cara takes Murphy to the top for a superplex but jumps up for a victory roll and the pin at 3:21.
Rating: D+. The Dragons are a good high flying team and that’s all they need to be. I can’t imagine they’re a long term option with the belts, but the NXT Tag Team Titles have always beel dominated by big power teams instead of guys like the Dragons. Still though, they’re fine for a change of pace and this worked fine.
We see Tyler Breeze beating Mojo last week.
Rawley says he’s out for awhile because of the shoulder but it’s just taking one step back to take several forward. He tries to make this serious and intense and it just doesn’t work. The time off is a good thing for him though as he really needs to be repackaged.
Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte
Non-title. Becky takes her down with a quick armdrag and keeps Charlotte in trouble on the mat, only to charge into a backbreaker out of the corner. Charlotte puts on a figure four headlock and drives Becky’s face into the mat a few times for good measure. A double clothesline puts both girls down but it’s Lynch up first and in control. Some legdrops get two for Lynch but Charlotte comes back with a suplex for two of her own. Charlotte gets in a shot to the ribs and Natural Selection is good for the pin at 4:07.
Rating: C+. Good back and forth match here as Lynch continues to look like a star in the making. They’re playing up the idea that she has natural skills but she doesn’t have the experience to put it all together yet. It’s amazing how deep the division is with different characters, especially when you look at how generic most of the WWE Divas are.
We see Itami and Funaki getting beaten down last week.
Ascension says Itami is in for the same treatment as Funaki if he doesn’t back off.
Enzo Amore/Colin Cassady vs. Legionnaires
Cass throws Sylvester around to start and it’s off to Marcus, who goes nuts on LeFort over his bald head. We’ll call it a no contest at 30 seconds.
Carmella vs. Old Blue Pants
The fans and announcers have no idea who the jobber is so they name her after her pants. Carmella takes her down and puts on something like a Crossface with her legs for the submission at 32 seconds. I believe Blue Pants was a girl who wrestles under the name Leva Bates.
Sasha Banks and Becky argue over who is going to be the next Women’s Champion. Banks asks her what she’ll do to make it to the top.
Neville is defending against Titus O’Neil next week and is tired of all these Raw and Smackdown guys coming after his title.
Sami Zayn vs. Tyson Kidd
Sami talks a lot of trash to start before cranking on a headlock. He throws Kidd’s coat at him in the corner and you know it’s on now. Tyson tries to speed things up into a monkey flip but Zayn rolls to the side and is staring at Kidd when he gets up. Some more armdrags put Kidd on the floor and Sami teases a dive to mess with him. Kidd stalls on the floor and gets Zayn to chase him, only to jump to the apron for a kick to the face as we take a break.
Back with Kidd choking in the corner and driving an elbow into Sami’s head. A neckbreaker gets two and we hit the chinlock. Zayn fights up and nails a dropkick but misses the Helluva Kick. Instead a cross body is good for two and the Blue Thunder Bomb gets the same. Kidd comes back with a hard elbow to the face and a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for two of his own. The Sharpshooter goes on but Sami crawls over to the ropes. Sami suplexes him into the corner and the Helluva Kick is good for the pin at 10:30.
Rating: C+. These two are part of what is becoming the NXT version of the Smackdown Six (or four in this case). You can throw any combination of these two, Neville and Breeze out there and you’re going to have a good match. That’s a really valuable asset to have, but hopefully NXT doesn’t just let the same guys have the same matches over and over again to water down the matchups. Sami’s road to the title is clear, and man alive is that arena going to explode when he wins.
Overall Rating: C+. You can see the end for a lot of these stories, but we still have about six weeks to go to get there. This December special is going to be awesome with some long stories getting blown off and the winners that people want to see. It’s amazing how easy it is to have these stories with in depth characters but no major company seems capable of pulling it off. Good show this week as NXT is back on track.
Results
Baron Corbin b. Elias Sampson – End of Days
Lucha Dragons b. Wesley Blake/Buddy Murphy – Victory Roll to Murphy
Charlotte b. Becky Lynch – Natural Selection
Carmella b. Old Blue Pants – Leg choke
Sami Zayn b. Tyson Kidd – Helluva Kick
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Reviewing the Review – Monday Night Raw: October 13, 2014
Coming off of last week, I really wasn’t looking forward to this week’s show. Things have been so boring in WWE lately and they almost have to turn around for the sake of my sanity. On the other hand, the theme this week seemed to be reality TV with Todd Chrisley of Chrisley Knows Best and some Real Housewife on the show. I’m sure this is going to go well. Let’s get to it.
We open with the now usual Ambrose and Cena showdown. This time it was Ambrose starting things off and wanting to deal with Cena so he could get to the showdown with Rollins. Cena came down and told Dean to shut up before he ran his mouth off and blew the biggest match of his life. Authority, tag match, it’s next.
The tag match was actually a three way this time with the unlikely duo fighting the Usos and the Dusts. This was a nice, long fifteen minute match that took its sweet time to get going but finally found its groove. The idea was the Authority kept waiting for the makeshift team to implode but Cena wound up AAing Goldust for the pin. This was the first in a long series of matches that got time and surprised me by how good it was. Cena and Ambrose vs. the Usos on their own for about seventeen minutes sounds good.
The Authority came out post match and made the Cena vs. Ambrose contract on a pole match for later tonight. I like this better, though I would have put it next week instead of next week. There’s no need to waste the fifteen minutes of PPV time to set the match up when you can do it here just fine. It also makes it easier to build a PPV when you have established main events.
Layla walked out on AJ Lee in a tag match but AJ pinned Alicia (partner of Paige) with a Shining Wizard. This was more of the same stuff we’ve seen for months from them.
Orton was granted his request of facing the loser of the contract match. They never said loser and called it “the other guy” but it’s a nice way making it sound better.
Orton beat Ziggler in another long match with a really good ending of Orton throwing Ziggler out of a powerbomb and into an RKO. That being said, there were other people that could have jobbed for Orton instead of Ziggler. I mean, it’s not like Kofi is doing anything is he? No it just had to be the Intercontinental Champion right? This is where WWE misusing its huge roster gets on my nerves.
Rollins came in after the match and gave Ziggler a Curb Stomp. The idea was that Rollins was trying to one up Orton, which carried into the next match where Rollins beat Jack Swagger in an easier match. Orton gave Jack an RKO for good measure. You can see Orton is about to turn face and it’s working really well.
Rusev and Big Show had their big showdown but Mark Henry ran in and caused a DQ. This is pretty clearly setting up another match at the PPV where Rusev gets his big win clean. Show knocked Rusev out cold after the match because he’s a sore loser.
The Chrisley Knows Best family was in the front row and their appearance was little more than a plug for the show. I have no interest in watching it but Chrisley came off as a nice guy who wanted to raise his kids well. I can’t make jokes about that.
Sheamus beat up Miz but lost by countout. See, now why couldn’t Orton have done that to Ziggler? Losing by countout is fine as Sheamus got carried away and distracted rather than getting pinned, even by a fluke.
The Total Divas met up with the housewife chick and Cameron had a stuck up chick off with her. Six Divas tag, you know the drill. Standard guest star appearance.
The new Wyatt video showed him alone and talking about Abigail as he kept saying it’s coming. Creepy stuff indeed but it worked.
Ambrose won the contract when Cena had to fight off the Authority in a dull match. This was what I expected it to be and didn’t really go anywhere new. Ambrose had to win it though.
Raw was FAR better this week as they cut out the stupid stuff and had a wrestling show. I know you can’t do this every week, but it’s nice to see something fresh for a change. When WWE cuts out all the goofiness and just lets the stories tell themselves, they make things way easier to sit through. It’s a good show this week and exactly what was needed after last week’s mess.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Impact Wrestling – October 15, 2014: They’ve Given Up
Impact Wrestling Date: October 15, 2014 Location: Sands Bethlehem Events Center, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
So after nothing of importance happened this week, we’re ready to get back to some actual wrestling business. The main story is Bobby Roode earning a shot at Lashley’s world title at some point in the future. Other than that we’re a mere five months from the next scheduled PPV, but at the moment we only have twelve weeks of TV to go as there’s still no new deal announced. Let’s get to it.
Here’s Angle to open things up. The roster is great right now but last week the playing field got manipulated and that’s not cool. He asks Lashley to come out for a chat and asks him why he turned down Roode’s challenge. Lashley gives the obvious answer: Roode had his shot and lost. He gets in Kurt’s face and asks if the boss wants a shot. Angle says they’ll fight one day, but not tonight. Instead, tonight there’s a #1 contenders match between Eric Young, Jeff Hardy, Austin Aries and Bobby Roode. Angle knows Bobby has beaten all of them, but the winner gets another shot.
Team 3D Hall of Fame package.
Magnus cuts off Matt Hardy talking about his brother. They introduce themselves and a match is made for later. It’s as basic as it sounds.
Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Havok
Before the match, Madison says she doesn’t care what Taryn Terrell thinks of her running last week. We actually get stills from Bound For Glory of Havok beating Velvet. I’m surprised they actually referenced the show. Havok shoves her around to start and easily catches a cross body into a slam. She hooks a lifting full nelson followed by a backbreaker for good measure. The dominance continues with another backbreaker and then a third backbreaker just to mix things up.
They finally mix things up with Havok loading up that arm crusher that hurt Gail but Hebner won’t let it happen. Madison nails a baseball slide to the back and avoids a charge into the post. Back in and Havok blocks a suplex and we get an evil laugh. Madison blocks some charges in the corner and gets two off a middle rope dropkick. Havok will have none of this side roll stuff from Rayne and a chokeslam (Harlot Slayer) retains the title at 6:18.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t a bad match but it felt WAY longer than it actually was. Havok is a pretty awesome monster and can actually move unlike Awesome Kong. Above all else though, she’s actually different than all the other girls. That’s been one of the biggest issues for the Knockouts for years and Havok is finally a breath of air.
Angle congratulates D-Von and they suck up to each other a bit.
Eric Young likes his odds of winning tonight.
Matt Hardy vs. Magnus
Matt comes out to the song starting with Jeff’s voice. Magnus takes him into the corner to start and rudely smacks his jaw. Matt responds by getting run over with a shoulder but he comes back with a swinging neckbreaker. An early Twist of Fate attempt sends Magnus running out to the floor and we get a breather. Hardy follows him out and is lifted up into a powerbomb, sending him back first into the post and then the apron.
Back in and Magnus gets two off a suplex and starts working on the spine. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Matt avoids a middle rope elbow. Hardy nails some clotheslines and a bulldog gets two. There’s the Side Effect and a moonsault is good for two more. Another Twist is countered and a victory roll gets the same treatment, giving Magnus two. Magnus goes up but dives into an RKO (called the Twist of Fate here even though it was missing a twist) for the pin at 5:54.
Rating: C. This was just a match here and nothing all that interesting. Matt didn’t look bad though and it’s kind of nice to have a wrestling match instead of doing the same brawling and weapons stuff that the Hardys have been using for all these weeks. Magnus’ downward spiral continues but Bram will be around to pick him back up soon enough.
We get Ethan’s promo from Sunday, saying his new bodyguard will be here tonight.
BroMans/Angelina Love vs. Menagerie
It’s DJZ/Jesse and Steve/Knux/Rebel here. DJZ gets in a quick smack to Rebel’s trunks before nailing knux to take over. Knux cartwheels away and nails DJZ with some right hands and a splash in the corner. He slams Steve onto DJZ for two but the heels take over with Jesse coming in to hammer away. DJZ hits a pair of running knees in the corner for two. Jesse misses a charge into the post and it’s off to the girls.
Rebel starts cleaning house but hits a horrible looking dropkick. DJZ spanks her again, earning him a big boot from Knux. A double clothesline puts both girls down until it’s off to Steve for an attempted kiss on Angelina. Jesse makes the save with a gorilla press but Steve slides down and hooks a tornado DDT for the pin at 5:14.
Rating: D. This show is starting to drag. It doesn’t feel like there was any thought put into this episode and that they just picked a bunch of guys that haven’t been on the show recently and threw them into a card. Knux is a guy I like more each time I see him but Steve is just a warm body at this point.
Roode and Aries are all serious about who wins tonight. Respect is out the window when they fight.
Brodus Clay comes out as EC3’s new body guard. The reveal is really weak due to Clay’s debut actually taking place on last week’s show but being edited out for some reason. Ethan says trouble follows him around and names Clay as Tyrus, which he says about five times. That brings Carter to current issues, like Bully Ray going into the Hall of Fame. After what Ray did to his aunt, Ethan thinks Ray should be thrown out of the Hall of Fame immediately.
He’s beaten every member of the Hall of Fame but we have to stop for the dueling chants with the fans. This brings out D-Von for an interruption. I’m the only Hall of Famer you haven’t beaten, I’m not scared of your bodyguard, you’re going through a table, etc. Bram jumps D-Von with a trashcan lid as D-Von is coming to the ring and the beating is on.
After a break, Carter and Tyrus are still in the ring with Ethan being thankful of Bram. Ethan thinks that counts as a win, so he’s now beaten all four members of the Hall of Fame. They don’t feel like leaving yet so why not give Tyrus a match of his own right now so he can be undefeated too.
Tyrus vs. Shark Boy
And there’s no Shark Boy. We go to the back and find Shark Boy eating doughnuts on a couch. I guess this is a joke about him being fat a few weeks ago. Shark Boy hammers away but starts feeling tired. He drinks some water and gets nailed by a headbutt to the chest. There’s the overhead suplex and a Tongan Death Grip slam is enough for the pin at 1:50.
Video from the bigger matches from Sunday.
Jeff Hardy says it’s time to get the title back.
Bram tells the interviewer to keep his nose out of what he did.
Recap of the Tag Team Title series, leading to a video on the Wolves being a team for a long time. They mention facing the winners of a tournament we haven’t heard about yet.
Eric Young vs. Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy
The winner gets a title shot at some point. Young cleans house to start but gets caught by Hardy in a lockup. Roode shoves Aries into Hardy for a collision before missing a dive onto Young. Aries telegraphs a suicide dive and gets nailed by Young, allowing Hardy to hit Poetry In Motion onto the Canadians. Aries is the only man standing and he wants a three way count but Young slides back in. Hardy kicks Aries down but misses a slingshot dropkick in the corner as we take a break.
Back with Roode chopping Young and planting him with a spinebuster. We get the first reference I’ve heard that this is an elimination match, though TNA making this up as they go wouldn’t surprise me. Aries nails Young with a discus forearm for two as Hardy gets back in. Young plants Aries with a DDT and goes up but Roode breaks up the elbow drop. Aries and Roode load up a double superplex on Young but Hardy makes it the required Tower of Doom spot.
Jeff covers all three guys for two each and takes his shirt off, only to have Aries break up the Swanton. Young knocks Roode off the top but misses a moonsault and Hardy does the same with a Swanton attempt. A Roode Bomb to Young and a brainbuster to Hardy give us a double elimination at 15:15, leaving us with Aries vs. Roode for the title shot.
They slug it out with forearms in the middle of the ring and Aries gets the better of it. Roode kicks him in the ribs and both guys counter finisher attempts. Aries is sent to the apron but he nails some more forearms. He goes up top but the Roode Bomb is countered into a rollup which is countered into a Crossface. Aries is in trouble but he rolls back into the Last Chancery, only to have Roode make the ropes. A neckbreaker snaps Roode’s neck off the top rope and a missile dropkick sends him down again. The brainbuster is countered with a knee to the head, setting up the Roode Bomb for the pin at 19:50.
Rating: B. It’s a good match but I can’t count how many times I’ve seen TNA do this same kind of match with the same batch of spots. You knew there was going to be a Tower of Doom and you knew there was going to be an exchange of finishers spot at the end. Roode was clearly going to win given how the stories have gone, but you can say that about a lot of matches.
Hardy and Young come back out to pose with the other two.
Overall Rating: D. TNA has given up. They gave their biggest show of the year to Wrestle-1 and now they give us this follow-up show which felt like they threw it together in about five minutes. They basically took everything they had left over and said “go make a show” while tacking on a main event. The big match was good, but Roode might as well have been cutting promos on Lashley already given how obvious it was that he was winning. The show itself wasn’t bad on paper, but it’s clear that TNA has stopped putting in effort. Maybe that changes next week, but this show felt like they’ve given up.
Results
Havok b. Madison Rayne – Harlot Slayer
Matt Hardy b. Magnus – Twist of Fate
Menagerie b. BroMans/Angelina Love – Tornado DDT to Jesse
Tyrus b. Shark Boy – Tongan Death Grip slam
Bobby Roode b. Austin Aries, Jeff Hardy and Eric Young – Roode Bomb to Aries
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Monday Nitro #189 Date: May 24, 1999
Location: BI-LO Center, Greenville, South Carolina
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone
The big story tonight is the return of Hulk Hogan, which somehow sounds like a breath of fresh air. Randy Savage has been pushed as a killing machine because he wants the title, but he’s gone back and forth on being good or evil in the last few weeks. He helped the heel Page keep the title for reasons that aren’t clear, then he feuded with Flair as a face, and then just started going after Nash without ever having a big evil moment. Either way he’s dragging the company through the floor, but to be fair almost everyone else is too. Let’s get to it.
We open with an In Memory Of graphic for Owen Hart and a three bell salute.
We recap the Steiners becoming the super evil brothers and squaring off with Sting and Luger last week.
Recap of the main points of last week’s show and Thunder with Savage beating up five guys on his own.
Bigelow is yelling at Raven and Saturn and reminds them about getting a partner. DDP runs up with a 2×4 and the champions get beaten down. Old guys over young guys again.
Nitro Girls.
Tony says his thoughts and prayers are with the Hart Family.
Van Hammer vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Both guys are already in the ring so I don’t see this lasting long. Hammer is now just a basic big man and looks a bit like a biker. He throws Chavo around to start hammers away in the corner. A big boot drops Chavo but he comes back with a dropkick and drop toehold. That earns Chavo a press slam but he slips down the back into a sunset flip for two. A suplex and legdrop get the same for Hammer but Chavo escapes the cobra clutch slam. Chavo tries a Thesz press and gets caught in a bearhug, followed by the Flashback (Alabama Slam) for the pin. Total squash.
Video on Randy Savage.
DJ Ran.
Gene brings out a banged up Disco Inferno who is wearing sunglasses to cover up a black eye. He didn’t care for Savage’s “traveling show of pimps and ho’s” attacking him on Thursday and says he can get Savage in touch with Nash. Savage has been going after the young talent in the company and thinks it’s because Randy is afraid of them.
This brings out Ernest Miller of all people to dance and tell Disco to be a man. Disco wants Cat out of his face (would he prefer DJ Ran all up in his area?) and the fight is on. Nick Patrick comes out but is quickly knocked to the floor so I don’t think this is a match. Miller goes after the eye with a show and other referees come down to get Disco out. We cut to the Black and White locker room for the “Miller is talking about you” bit with Norton, because that’s still a thing. Norton chases Miller off.
Mike Tenay goes into Flair’s office.
Video on Nash.
Flair and Anderson are with El Dandy and offer to elevate his status for a loss to David tonight. Buddy Lee Parker comes in and asks for the office and secretary he was promised. Instead he’s given a Gold’s Gym membership and an offer to fight Benoit tonight. Parker takes it and says he won’t lay down again.
Gene brings out Mike Tenay who has an update on the Randy Savage situation: he’s getting the World Title shot at Great American Bash. Ric Flair storms out and talks to a woman in the audience, saying her mom rode Space Mountain twenty years ago and maybe she’ll get to tonight. As for business, Savage has injured Charles Robinson and Flair is thinking about banning the top rope elbow as punishment. He’s the ONLY man in WCW with power so Bischoff and Piper can tell their stories walking. Now it’s time to make some future stars. Flair loses his voice while saying this, maybe realizing how bogus what he’s saying is.
El Dandy vs. David Flair
During the entrances, Tony announces that the Tonight Show match has been canceled, meaning Nash may be here tonight. Dandy gets taken down by a shoulder and clothesline as David can barely even run the ropes properly. He avoids a dropkick though and backdrops Dandy with ease. A nice looking suplex gets two but Dandy smacks him in the face. Anderson sneaks in for a spinebuster, setting up the Figure Four for the win. Again, it really doesn’t look like the guys are throwing the matches, making this story a bit confusing.
Gene brings out Buff Bagwell who agrees that Savage is scared of the younger guys. Savage can come after him anytime, but tonight it’s about getting the TV Title. I could get behind a young vs. old story.
Here’s a five minute package on Eric Bischoff’s rise to power in WCW and joining the NWO. We’re nearly halfway through this show and have seen two matches but we have time for a guy who presumably has no power.
Battle Royal
Ciclope, Kaz Hayashi, Prince Iaukea, Johnny Swinger, Juventud Guerrera, Villano V, Damien, Kidman, Psychosis, Lash Leroux, Blitzkreig, Evan Karagias
The winner gets a shot at Rey next week. Juvy falls down on the way to the ring. I guess he tried to watch the show and started falling asleep. It’s a huge brawl to start with everyone sending everyone else to the ropes for attempted eliminations. Damien slams Blitzkrieg and Villano gets knocked down by something the camera misses. Iaukea works on Kidman near the ropes as Leroux is almost put on by Psychosis.
Ciclope gets taken down but not out by a top rope hurricanrana. Blitzkrieg takes Leroux out with a hurricanrana of his own but falls outside for a double elimination. Good timing too as the ring was too full. They keep slugging it out on the floor as Kidman clotheslines Iaukea out. Since this is WCW though, here’s Hugh Morrus to come in and destroy everyone in sight. Everyone jumps on him but he’s able to throw out Damien, Swinger, Psychosis, Ciclope, Kaz and Evan.
That leaves Juvy and Kidman in the ring, because Heaven forbid anyone other than those two get pushed against Mysterio. Kidman goes after Morrus as Juvy bails, but for once Morrus is able to powerbomb Kidman in half. No Laughing Matter cruses him again and Morrus goes up for a second, but Rey runs out and dropkicks Morrus to the floor. There’s no bell, but since Kidman is the only guy left in I’m assuming he wins. Either that or WCW just managed to have a battle royal end in a no contest.
Rating: F. For failure because there’s no other word to describe it. The cruiserweight division is a disaster right now as no one but Juvy, Rey and Kidman are consistently pushed and now Hugh Morrus, a jobber to the stars, beats up about six guys with ease before another runs away from him? On top of that, we’re now heading towards Kidman vs. Mysterio AGAIN? Assuming Rey even has a challenger that is. What a mess.
Here’s Piper to really get things going. We get some standard cheap heat with mentions of the local baseball team and Piper saying he’s had about fifty fights in this town and two or three of them were in the ring. Piper doesn’t care for Bischoff’s apologies but his real issue is with Randy Savage. Well of course it is. He lays down on the mat and calls out Savage but gets the girls instead.
Piper asks Miss Madness how she won the title before asking George where Savage is. She says he’s being honored and Piper makes Slim Jim jokes. He yells at all of them until Flair comes out for a save, earning him a beating. This brings out Page and Bigelow to lay out Piper for some reason. Page says Flair owes him, so Flair gives him a Tag Team Title shot at Great American Bash. Ric also makes another match between him and Piper for the show because….oh you know the drill by now.
Benoit and Malenko are in the back watching what just happened. Dean wants to know where their title shot is and thinks you have to be over 45 to get a push around here. Dean Malenko: wrestling’s smartest man. Benoit thinks Flair is for Flair and Dean says every man is for himself. That might do it for the Horsemen.
Video on Luger and Sting’s history together, going back a long way.
Piper is getting his ribs taped up and says he wants Flair/Page/Bigelow vs. himself and two partners. Gee I wonder who they’ll be.
Tony says WCW is partnering with Tommy Boy Records to merge wrestling and music. They’re about fifteen years too late but that’s WCW for you.
Curt Hennig comes out and tells Tony to turn him on. His headset you see. Curt doesn’t like rap music but did like beating up Konnan recently.
Video on a Tommy Boy Records wrestling themed party.
Chris Benoit vs. Buddy Lee Parker
Hennig is still on commentary and talks about how young guys like Benoit aren’t respecting the veterans that came before them. A black arm band can be seen on Chris’ arm for Owen. Parker actually gets in a few shots in the corner to start and I don’t see him getting in much more offense.
As you would expect, he charges into a boot in the corner and gets caught in the Rolling Germans. Benoit chops the fire out of him in the corner before hitting a quick belly to back suplex. Parker comes back with a powerslam, only to get drop toeholded into the middle turnbuckle. The Swan Dive sets up the Crossface and Parker taps very quickly.
Rating: D+. It’s always fun to see Benoit run someone over like this. Parker was older than dirt at this point and had been getting beaten up for years now. That’s probably why he was such a jerk down in the Power Plant. The match was just there for Benoit to show how awesome he was, because somehow that wasn’t an established fact to the WCW brass at this point.
TV Title: Rick Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell
Before the match we get a chat from the Steiners. Scott rips on WCW, saying they suck with Heenan saying “good point.” After bragging about the Red and Black, we get a perfect Scott line as he calls himself the US Champion and Rick the United States Television Champion. Bagwell charges the rings and hammers away at both Steiners, actually knocking Scott out to the floor. A quick dropkick puts Rick down but he starts going after Buff’s neck to take over. He ties Buff in the Tree of Woe so Scott can choke away from the floor.
Bagwell comes right back with a neckbreaker of his own, only to have Scott trip him from the floor. Scott gets in a few shots and Rick knocks Bagwell out to the floor with a Steiner Line. The brothers pull the mats back and Rick actually piledrives Buff on the floor. Things are about to get even worse with Scott holding Buff’s neck across the barricade as Rick goes up top…..and we’ve got a Sting monster truck in the aisle. Lex Luger, in a Sting mask for some reason, is driving. We cut back to the ring and Sting is there with his bat as we go to a break.
Rating: D. ANOTHER match ends in a DQ or a no contest because Heaven forbid anyone have to job around here. At least the stuff with Rick was short, though I’m still waiting on Goldberg to come back and fight the Steiners for what happened to him at Slamboree. Instead we’re getting Sting and Luger teaming up until Luger turns heel again and starts yet another feud between them.
Hennig is still on commentary and ripping on rap, so here’s Konnan to start a fight. They brawl into the ring with Konnan beating the tar out of Curt.
Mike Tenay is in the ring and calls out Jimmy Hart and Curt Hennig. Jimmy wants Mysterio out here right now to explain what happened earlier. Morrus complains about the same guys having the same matches for four years now and he wanted to mix it up a bit. Again, they need to stop saying things that the critics are saying. Rey starts brawling with Morrus and uses his usual springboard based offense until Jimmy trips him up. Hugh crushes him in the corner and plants him with a huge powerbomb. They get a chair but Konnan and Kidman come in for the save.
Here’s Hollywood Hogan for his big return from knee surgery. He’s still in a big knee brace and on crutches but is being all heelish anyway. Hogan praises Nash because they’re both part of the Pack and says he’s coming for Page. We get a reference to Raw, called the XXX Wrestling on the other channel. Hogan is the master of politics and has seen the people talking in the back, so he’ll return soon brother.
Nash comes out for a chat because Heaven forbid we get another match. After sucking up to the crowd ala Piper, he gets to the point of Savage running around like a crazy man after the World Title. Nash isn’t hard to find: he’ll be the guy with the big gold belt for a long time to come. This brings out the girls again with George’s leg hurt again. Why she’s wearing high heels while on crutches isn’t clear but at least she looks good.
Nash talks to George, saying he’s seen her wrestle but he’s rather see her box. The girls go after him and break a crutch over Nash’s back but it doesn’t seem to have much effect. Savage coming out and nailing him with the belt does have an effect though. We get the lipstick on the face thing again which is still kind of stupid.
Roddy Piper/???/??? vs. Ric Flair/Diamond Dallas Page/Bam Bam Bigelow
After a break, Malenko (in street clothes) and Benoit come out be Piper’s partners. Piper has his ribs taped up from the attack earlier and thankfully is sporting a black armband of his own. Unless I missed it, that’s the second of the entire show. Page and Malenko get things going but Dean wants Flair instead. Once Flair is in, Benoit wants to fight instead. They take turns chopping each other’s chests off until Benoit backdrops him down.
Benoit cleans house and clotheslines Bigelow out to the floor as everything breaks down. Flair finally gets back in and backs into his own corner, which Heenan calls a bad neighborhood. A thumb to the eye and chop put Benoit down and the Jersey boys come in to take over. Bigelow headbutts him down for two before Flair comes in for a low blow. Page has to break up a backslide but Bigelow misses the top rope headbutt. The hot tag brings in Piper and here are Raven and Saturn to go after the Jersey guys for the DQ.
Rating: D. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND HOLY STOP WITH THE FREAKING DQ ENDINGS! You can’t get a clean ending to any main event match around here and I’m getting sick of it. Also, why in the world did we need Piper out there? To give former World Tag Team Champions credibility? Heaven forbid Piper isn’t around every two seconds to make things feel big.
It’s a huge brawl post match with the good guys getting the better of it. Piper puts Flair in the Figure Four as Benoit stomps on him. Ric bails and we cut to the back where Hogan is standing over a fallen Page to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Oh sweet goodness this got old in a hurry. There were FIVE matches in three hours. Think about that for a minute. Nothing broke ten minutes and they can only give us five matches, one being a battle royal that ended in a no contest? Obviously there were major outside circumstances to it, but the ratings results for this night: Nitro’s 3.1 losing to WWF’s 7.2. Nitro hadn’t been that low for a regular show in over two years and Raw only topped that once in the entirety of the Monday Night Wars. This was a disaster for Nitro and a sign that things had to change.
Luckily for them, there actually was a glimmer of hope here. This idea of old vs. new, albeit the same thing they did with WCW vs. the NWO three years ago, has something to it as you can see the battle lines being drawn. Unfortunately some of those lines are just Piper’s wrinkles BECAUSE HE WON’T JUST GO AWAY, but there’s something there. Granted I have have no confidence in WCW because the old guys won’t lose once in awhile but it’s better than nothing.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at:
Today’s Wrestler of the Day loves the way Stallone says YO in Rocky: Funaki.
We’ll pick things up at the usually awesome Super J Cup in 1995.
Super J Cup First Round: Sho Funaki vs. Ultimo Dragon
Dragon seems to be the heel here. He steps on Funaki’s back to start but has to escape a Fujiwara Armbar attempt. Instead Funaki puts on a leg bar to send Dragon rolling out to the apron. A plancha takes Dragon out again and Funaki goes back to the leg. Back up and they slug it out with Funaki taking over again with a headlock. Funaki grabs another leg lock so Dragon slaps him in the face and puts on one of his own.
They keep fighting over the leg locks with Funaki getting the better of it and keeping Dragon on the mat. Dragon grabs his own leg lock at the same time before they both get back up. A botched hurricanrana takes Funaki down and a Lionsault press gets two. No selling of the leg to be found in case you were expecting any for some reason. A fisherman’s buster gets two for Funaki but Dragon pops back to his feet and hits a hurricanrana followed by a DDT for the pin.
Rating: D+. When half of the match is spent with both guys working a leg and then both guys popping up for speed and high flying stuff, it’s really hard to care about the first half of the match. They looked like they were setting up something good but it wound up being all for naught because selling didn’t seem to exist here.
Off to the WWF now with one of Funaki’s first matches taking place at In Your House XXII.
Kaientai vs. Taka Michinoku/Justin Bradshaw
Kaientai is a three man team (Dick Togo, Sho Funaki and Mens Teioh) who has been attacking Taka for reasons not quite clear. Bradshaw has befriended the much smaller Taka and is backing him up tonight. The good guys (the two) jump Kaientai to start, sending them out to the floor. Bradshaw launches Taka over the top to take them all out until we get down to Taka vs. Funaki. A clothesline puts Taka down but it’s quickly off to Bradshaw, sending Funaki running to the floor for a conference.
Bradshaw gets tired of waiting and chases everyone around until we get down to Taka vs. Togo. Taka hits a tornado DDT for two but everyone else come in, leading to Bradshaw and Michinoku cleaning house again. Back in and Togo gets a sitout wheelbarrow slam to take over ad it’s off to Teioh. A big boot to the face and a release butterfly suplex gets two on Taka and a cannonball attack off the top puts Taka down again.
We hit the chinlock on Michinoku before a powerslam gets two more. Togo comes in off the top with something resembling a Swanton Bomb before it’s back to Funaki for a sleeper. Kaientai starts cheating again with Teioh distracting the referee so Funaki can put on a camel clutch and Togo can hit a quick dropkick to Taka’s face.
Michinoku finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag to Bradshaw with the big man cleaning house. Togo hits him low though and Kaientai literally uses Bradshaw as a pedestal to pose. Bradshaw throws them all off and cleans house again but Taka’s Michinoku Driver only gets two on Togo. Teioh and Bradshaw head to the floor, allowing Togo to hit a top rope senton backsplash for the pin on Taka.
Rating: C. This is one of those matches that was better than the crowd reaction would suggest. The fans didn’t quite get this style yet and in an old school town like Milwaukee, the reaction really isn’t surprising. Bradshaw wasn’t much of a factor here but Kaientai bouncing off of him was fun stuff.
Now for a very fun handicap match from Summerslam 1998.
Oddities vs. Kaientai
The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.
Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.
Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.
Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.
Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.
Funaki wrestled on Raw, May 24, 1999, more commonly known as Raw Is Owen.
Hardy Boys vs. Kaientai
The Hardys don’t mean much at all and are low level heels with Michael Hayes managing them. Kaientai rushes the ring and it’s on fast. Double teaming to Matt as the foreigners take over to start. Swanton Bomb (not called that yet) to the floor to Taka by Jeff as the Hardys have taken over.
Jeff tries a Phoenix Splash (moonsault with a twist into a 450) but eats canvas. Michinoku Driver gets no cover and it’s a double tag. Funaki and Matt hit the floor and Hayes interferes. Taka takes both Hardys out as the crowd isn’t that impressed. And the Twist of Fate ends Funaki. Nothing match so no rating.
Time for some hardcore hijinks at Wrestlemania 2000.
We see a conference with the Hardcore Battle Royal participants. Basically it’s a huge free for all and not a traditional battle royal. There’s a fifteen minute time limit and there can be as many title changes as there needs to be. Basically whoever is the last man standing is champion and the 24/7 rule stops after the last fall.
Hardcore Title: Hardcore Battle Royal
Tazz, Crash Holly, Hardcore Holly, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Faarooq, Bradshaw
Crash is defending coming in. He comes in last and we’re ready to go. Remember there’s a fifteen minute time limit. Everyone else fights to the floor and Taz hits a fast suplex on Crash for the pin ad the title in thirty seconds. So now, only Taz can be pinned for the title. A few seconds later, Viscera hits Tazz with a board and gets the title. Now we move into an extended period of hitting people in the head with whatever objects are handy.
We’ve got thirteen and a half minutes or so to go. Someone uses a box fan on someone else and that’s about the most in depth coverage you’ll be getting here. Everyone jumps Viscera and hits him with whatever they can find. Crash appears to be busted open. The Acolytes double team the champion and the beatings continue on everyone for a bit. Hardcore and Mosh beat Viscera down and get two each.
We’re under ten minutes now and it’s fine extinguisher time. There’s so much stuff going on it’s impossible to call. Viscera heads back into the ring and goes up top (for those of you unfamiliar, Viscera is about Big Show’s size), only to be slammed down by the Acolytes. The APA (Acolyte Protection Agency, same team) breaks a board over his back and Bradshaw hits a top rope shoulder to put him down. For no apparent reason they throw Kaientai on top of Viscera, giving Funaki the belt.
Funaki, apparently the smartest guy in the match, grabs the belt and runs away. Everyone catches up to him in the back with 7:00 left. Rodney gets a fluke pin out of nowhere for the pin, which I believe is the Posse’s first pinfall. Joey suplexes him down and wins the title but Thrasher gets a clothesline and the title. Everyone beats up Thrasher now because its their job and we come into the arena again. Pete Gas hits Thrasher with a fire extinguisher and wins the title.
Taz gets his hands on the champion and brings him back to ringside for a beating. A t-bone suplex puts the bloody Pete down for the pin and the title with….dang it they took the clock down. Hardcore sends Taz into the steps for two before Mosh takes a shot at him. Taz rolls up Mosh for two on instinct alone. Now it’s the Hollys and Taz in the ring and three minutes to go. Crash gets cracked in the head by Taz for two which again means nothing. Hardcore puts Taz down and the cousins fight over a cover. Two minutes left and both Hollies get two off a powerslam by Hardcore.
We’ve got a minute left as Hardcore hits the dropkick for two. The champion hits a suplex on Hardcore to send him outside as Crash hits Taz with a trashcan lid for the title. The Tazmission goes on Crash but Hardcore blasts Taz in the head with a candy jar and covers Crash. The ending is screwed up though as Hardcore was supposed to get two but be stopped by the time.
Instead the referee had to stop counting…but Hardcore wins anyway. It made no sense, but either way the important thing here is Taz actually. That jar was made of real glass and when it shattered, some of it got in Taz’s eye. Allegedly he was supposed to win the Intercontinental Title but the reign went to Benoit instead.
Rating: B-. What do you want me to say about this? It was exactly what it was supposed to be so I can’t complain about it in that regard. They beat the tar out of each other with some funny spots and it was contained in one match instead of a big goofy show long angle like we had two years later. This rating could be all over the place depending on your taste for this stuff.
Same idea at Unforgiven 2000.
Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow vs. Test vs. Perry Saturn vs. Crash Holly vs. Funaki
This is a Hardcore Invitational which means it’s like Mania 2000: there’s a ten minute time limit and the last person to get a fall over the champion wins the title. Blackman is champion coming in. This was during Snow’s reign as European Champion and what I thought was a hilarious gimmick as he would come out dressed as someone from a different European country every show, in this case Italy, complete with a fish and a portrait of Tony Danza.
They cover the 24/7 rule as that rule is taken away for 24 hours so the champion has a day of rest after the match is over. Everyone goes after Blackman to start and it’s a big mess as you would expect. Saturn takes Trish down and Test is mad. He clocks Saturn so Snow takes Test down with Head. Crash totally botches a rana and is more or less powerbombed. Funaki hits a cross body for two on the champ.
Saturn hits a decent moonsault to take out Crash and Snow on the floor. Everyone is on the floor now with seven minutes to go. Crash and Snow are still in the ring and doing nothing interesting. Test is the only one going after Blackman at this point. Scratch that as Crash gets a shot in and pins him with just over 6 minutes left. He runs down the aisle and right into a trashcan shot by Saturn for the pin. Most of everyone fights into the crowd and Saturn isn’t smart enough to run for the hills.
There isn’t much to say here as everyone is fighting in the same place and there isn’t much to say. With three minutes left everyone is still in the same place they were in a few minutes ago. Saturn and Blackman are at ringside now as is Snow. Saturn is in the ring alone with a stick. Blackman grabs his two sticks while Snow grabs….a pizza box? Snow is back in with two minutes left. Steve gets the kendo stick and beats up everyone, winning the title after a shot to Saturn with it at a minute left. Everyone goes after him but they’re running out of time. Blackman hangs on because no one covers since they’re stupid.
Rating: D. This was boring. At Mania it was at least fun but this had a total of three changes. At Mania there were 11 in just five extra minutes. There was no insanity here and it wasn’t fun at all. That’s not good for a match that is supposed to be designed around total insanity, which this was supposed to be.
Kaientai would become a regular tag team and speak in some usually funny dubbed English voices with Funaki’s only line being a deep INDEED. Here they are on Raw, January 15, 2001.
K-Kwik/Too Cool vs. Kaientai/Tazz
Kwik is commonly known as R-Truth. Some odd pairings here to be sure. Tazz cuts a brief promo. Kaientai’s dubbing gimmick is something I wasn’t a fan of back in the day but now I find it hysterical. Scotty and Funaki start us off. Too Cool hits a Hart Attack of all things. Taka tries a rana but gets caught in a nice sitout powerbomb by Grandmaster. Tazz surprisingly does the worst of his team as Truth comes in. The Worm hits Tazz but after Funaki interference the Tazmission beats Truth.
Rating: D+. Nothing special here in the slightest. It was a quick six man tag to fill in a spot on the card. Tazz would be face by Mania and I have no interest in the other five guys here. Yeah there really isn’t much else to say about this match is there? Why was this on the card again?
And again on Raw, April 23, 2001.
Kaientai vs. Right to Censor
Goodfather/Buchanan this time. The Japanese guys head to the back to get John Elway jerseys to make the crowd love them. They still can’t quite get the lip synching thing right. Paul: “Their lips don’t match!” Jim: “Get out of here!” Another good one: Jim: “The RTC is on a bad losing streak. It’s almost as bad as my broadcast partner’s losing streak with women.” This commentary is on tonight. The RTC fights them off early but it breaks down fast. Buchanan gets crotched but manages to catch a diving Taka. Funaki dropkicks Taka down onto Buchanan and hooks the foot for the surprise pin. This was again nothing.
Time to hit the syndicated shows with Metal on January 26, 2002.
Funaki vs. Perry Saturn
Saturn gets rolled up for a pair of twos to start and Funaki nails him with a low dropkick to the head. Things slow down a bit as Saturn takes a breather, only to come back with a superkick for two. Funaki gets hammered even more and sent flying with an overhead belly to belly. A quick Majistral cradle gets two on Saturn and Funaki follows it up with a high cross body. Coach and Kelly are talking about racism and dancing the Charleston before Funaki gets caught in a kneeling shoulder hold (called the Rings of Saturn here but not the traditional hold) for the submission.
Rating: D. They knew they were on a show no one was going to watch here and wrestled accordingly. This was a glorified squas that just kept going despite it not having any real interest. Saturn is a guy that can go when he’s motivated but that certainly wasn’t the case here. Is it any real surprise that he was gone in a few months?
He would get a singles match at Rebellion 2002.
Funaki vs. Crash Holly
See what I mean about not the most interesting matches? This is Crash’s UK debut apparently. The fans are WAY behind Funaki here. Fast start which doesn’t really get us anywhere. Crash pulls out a Japanese flag (called the British flag by the idiotic announcers) bandana and it’s a kung fu match apparently.
Crash takes over and we hit the chinlock. This show is getting very boring very quickly indeed. Apparently the winner of this might get a Cruiserweight Title shot. Both get rollups for two. Crash attempts an Oklahoma Roll but Funaki lays down on him and gets the pin. This was another rather short match with nothing special about it at all.
Rating: C-. Not a bad match or anything but sweet goodness this has been a boring show and this match didn’t help it. The problem is that there’s no point to this and it’s nothing but filler and everyone knows it. Not a bad match or anything like I said but it would be nice to have something actually matter.
Time for a tag match on Smackdown, April 3, 2003.
Tajiri/Funaki vs. Team Angle
Haas and Benjamin are Tag Team Champions but this is non-title. The champions clean house to start and Benjamin offers a mock bow to Funaki. Tajiri comes in for some jumping jacks and makes things even worse for his partner. A hard double back elbow puts Funaki down and Haas tells him to tag his partner. Tajiri cleans house with his kicks to the face but Charlie takes him down with a belly to back suplex for two.
Benjamin jumps over Haas’ back to land on Tajiri for two more and we hit the Boston Crab. Funaki finally makes a save so Tajiri can hit a double handspring elbow to put the champions down. A hot tag brings in Funaki for some chops and a high cross body for two on Haas. Everything breaks down and Shelton charges into the Tarantula. Haas escapes the tornado DDT though and Benjamin chop blocks Funaki, setting up the Haas of Pain for the submission.
Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here even though I like most of the guys in the match. Funaki didn’t do much in this one and it brought the match down a little bit. Haas and Benjamin were fresh off keeping the titles at Wrestlemania and needed a new team to beat up so why not go the ethnic route?
Back to the hardcore days at Vengeance 2003.
Bar Room Brawl
Shannon Moore, Doink the Clown, Faarooq, Bradshaw, Brother Love, Nunzio, Matt Hardy, Chris Kanyon, Danny Basham, Doug Basham, The Easter Bunny, Sean O’Haire, John Hennigan, Orlando Jordan, Funaki, Los Conquistadores, The Brooklyn Brawler, Johnny Stamboli, Chuck Palumbo, Matt Cappotelli, and Spanky.
There’s a bar set up in the arena and we’re just going to fight in there. Los Conquistadores are Rob Conway and Johnny Jeter in case you’re wondering. Aaron Stevens is the Easter Bunny. He was on Smackdown for a cup of coffee as Idol Stevens in like 05 or 06. McCool managed him. John Hennigan is more commonly known as John Morrison, and this Doink is played by Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore.
In essence, this is a big OVW party as a ton of these guys were in OVW at the time. Most of the jobbers don’t get intros. Spanky is up on the bar dancing. Bradshaw says the rules are that the last man drinking wins as we’re testing the toughness and their livers. Ok that’s creative. Brother Love wants to pray before we start. Naturally it’s just a massive fight with no rhyme or reason to it. The Easter Bunny is drinking bears and getting punched. This is wrong.
O’Haire beats the APA up with pool cues. This is idiotic. Brother Love beats up Shannon Moore. I’d think that sums up why no one buys him. The Easter Bunny goes through a window. A bunny watching this would be traumatized for life. Hardy can’t break a table which is kind of funny.
There’s nothing of any kind of logic going on here at all. Funaki passes out from beer. Bradshaw beats up Brother Love and I guess that gives him the win. He’s the last man standing even though Farroorq is standing next to him.
Rating: N/A. This was a waste of about 5 minutes. Moving on.
We’re going to jump a good bit ahead for a glorified thank you at Armageddon 2004.
Cruiserweight Title: Funaki vs. Spike Dudley
Funaki won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. Spike is heel here. Technical stuff to start with Funaki working on the arm a bit. Funaki gets him to the floor and hits a baseball slide for two. Funaki slams him off the top and gets a low dropkick for two. Spike goes up and is caught rather quickly with Funaki trying to suplex him down to the floor. That of course fails so Spike lifts him up and drops him down off the top and onto the floor.
That and a running knee strike get two. With Funaki on his knees Spike throws on an abdominal stretch. Fireman’s carry into a gutbuster gets two for Spike and now to the stretch again. The fans flat out do not care. Funaki makes a comeback and gets Spike in the Tree of Woe and gets a double stomp off the top in the same move, actually waking the crowd up a bit.
Funaki makes his comeback, hitting a bulldog and a shoulder-ziguri for two. Spike misses a charge in the corner and Funaki goes up and still no one cares. Top rope cross body gets two. Tornado DDT is reversed and Spike gets a headbutt to the ribs to take him down. They totally butcher a pinfall reversal sequence and Funaki gets down in time for the pin and the title.
Rating: D+. Just boring beyond belief here with no one caring in the slightest. Weak match overall as no one wanted to see this match, let alone in the second biggest spot of the entire card. Really didn’t like this, although it did manage to make me doze off for a bit which is a good thing indeed.
Time to put someone over on Smackdown, August 25, 2005.
Mr. Kennedy vs. Funaki
This is Kennedy’s Smackdown debut. Kennedy grabs the mic before the match and doesn’t buy Funaki as Smackdown’s #1 announcer in a cute line. Kennedy shoves him into the corner to start but walks into a right hand and gets armdragged down into an armbar. Funaki misses a cross body though and goes crashing out to the floor. Mr. misses a kind of running stomp but counters a tornado DDT by crotching Funaki on the top rope. The rolling fireman’s carry from the middle rope is enough for the pin.
Rating: C-. Decent debut here but the fireman’s carry looked like something that was setting up a bigger move. That’s the problem with Kennedy’s early days: it took him a long time to pick a finisher until he settled on the Mic Check and it made him seem like he didn’t know how to end a match.
Funaki would be put into the Cruiserweight Title hunt again, starting at Royal Rumble 2006.
Cruiserweight Title: Gregory Helms vs. Kid Kash vs. Funaki vs. Jamie Noble vs. Nunzio vs. Paul London
Kid Kash is champion coming in and this is Texas Tornado rules and one fall to a finish. Helms is from Raw but is here because it’s an open invitational. It’s a big brawl to start and everyone gangs up on Helms. I don’t know if there was a delay of some sort or just a really bad sign, but there are dozens if not hundreds of empty seats visible in the lower arena, most of them opposite the hard camera.
Helms gets beaten into the corner but Kash pulls some other people off for no apparent reason. Nunzio slams Kash onto the mat for one Noble gets two on Nunzio off a powerslam as London hits a dropsalt for two on Noble and Nunzio. Wait apparently those red seats are stairs. Those are rather distracting and the seating structure is odd as there’s a group of about eight seats per row then another set of stairs as opposed to most arenas where there are about twice that many in a row. At least the place isn’t as empty as it seemed.
Nunzio hits a slingshot to send Noble into the corner and Funaki adds a bulldog for two. We finally get to the dives with Nunzio diving on a pair of guys, allowing Noble to get two on Kash via a leg lariat. Noble dives on Helms and Nunzio on the floor and Funaki is knocked off the top onto Nunzio and Noble. London kicks Kash to the floor as well and dives on everyone not named Helms with a shooting star off the top.
Back in and London loads up a shooting star press onto Kash but Helms goes up top at the same time and hooks a swinging neckbreaker to bring London down for two. A brainbuster from Kash kills London again but two guys come in for the save. All six guys are back in the ring now and Kash gets two off a Backstabber on Nunzio. Funaki can’t hit a tornado DDT on Noble and gets caught in a gutbuster for trying. Noble gets sent to the floor by Helms and Gregory hits a Shining Wizard out of nowhere for the pin on Funaki and the title.
Rating: C+. What are you expecting to find here? It’s six guys in the ring all at once and going nuts on each other with spots. There isn’t supposed to be any sort of story or flow to it and there certainly wasn’t here. It was the right choice for an opener and the match worked well enough for its purpose. Fine but nothing memorable at all. Helms would hold the title for over a year.
And again at Great American Bash 2007.
Cruiserweight Title: Jimmy Wang Yang vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Shannon Moore vs. Jamie Noble vs. Funaki
It’s a five man match but remember that this is a Cruiserweight Open, as in anyone can get in on this. Chavo is champion coming in. This is the dying days of the title as this was thrown on the card yesterday with no story. They did these kind of matches for probably a year. Hornswoggle is on the floor and hides under the ring. Chavo tries to run but gets thrown outside instead. This is one fall to a finish.
This is one of those matches where you can’t really keep up with anything so the whole thing is pretty all over the place. Chavo comes back in and Cole talks about his Latina wife. Shannon gets two on Chavo but Funaki hits a cross body onto both of them for a combined two. Powerslam gets two for Noble but Chavo breaks it up again. Chavo hooks some freaky rollup on Yang and transitions into a half crab but it gets broken up by Funaki.
Moore slams Funaki into the buckle HARD. Noble vs. Moore now. Make that Noble vs. Funaki. See what I mean about how there’s no point in trying to call this? Funaki gets an enziguri for two on Moore. Gory Bomb to Funaki gets two for the champ. Almost everyone goes to the floor so Yang sets for a dive. Chavo stops it and it’s Tower of Doom time. Noble is down and here’s Horny to come off the top with a Tadpole Splash to win the title.
Rating: C-. Like I said there’s only so much you can do in these. The ending is totally legal when you think about it: he’s certainly small enough and it was an Open so anyone can enter at any time right? This wasn’t anything great but it was very clear that the title was done. And no it wasn’t Horny that killed it. The belt was long since dead.
Here’s one of his less competitive matches on Smackdown, March 21, 2008.
Kung Fu Naki vs. Edge
Edge is World Heavyweight Champion but this is of course non-title. Feeling out process to start with Edge quickly snapmaring him down and smirking. Edge gets bored with the easy stuff and kicks Funaki’s head off to put him into the corner. A swinging neckbreaker drops Funaki again and Edge slowly punches him around the ring. The spear connects out of nowhere but Edge pulls him up at two. Instead he tombstones Funaki to send a message to the Undertaker before this Sunday’s Wrestlemania.
Rating: D. This was more story development than a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Edge beating up Funaki is fine and doesn’t hurt anyone so why not do something like this? The wrestling didn’t need to mean anything and Funaki was treated like the jobbiest jobber who ever jobbed. In other words, he made the champ look good like he was supposed to.
We’ll wrap up Funaki’s WWE run with this match on Smackdown, January 30, 2009. Funaki is now Kung Fu Naki, who had one of the most awesome theme songs ever.
Umaga vs. Kung Fu Naki
Funaki walks into a superkick, gets crushed with the hips in the corner, and Samoan Spiked for the pin.
One more match at TNA One Night Only: World Cup of Wrestling with Funaki being brought in as a member of Team International.
Doc/Knux (Aces and 8’s) vs. Funaki/Petey Williams (International)
Funaki gets thrown into the corner and stomped down during the entrances to give the bikers an early advantage. Doc gets things going against Funaki and the dominance begins quickly. Funaki is dragged into the heel corner and it’s off to Knux for some clubbing forearms and more double stomping. Some right hands have no effect on Knux but Funaki keeps swinging and actually staggers Doc. The bikers easily break up the tag attempt though with Doc taking Funkai down to the mat in a leg lock.
The slow beating continues and there’s not much to talk about here. It’s the same power offense over and over again on Funaki as we’re over five minutes into this. Funaki’s sunset flip is easily blocked but Knux sits on the mat instead of Funaki’s chest. The hot tag is broken up again though as the beatdown continues. Knux puts on a front facelock and we get the unseen tag for old times’ sake. Funaki stops a charging Doc with a boot in the corner but his tornado DDT is broken up.
An enziguri is FINALLY enough for the hot tag to Williams as things speed up. Petey headscissors Knux into 619 position and dropkicks him in the back as everything breaks down. A running DDT gets two on Knux and Petey low bridges Doc to the floor. Funaki gets two on Doc off a cross body but Knux comes back in with a hammer shot to Funaki for the pin.
Rating: D. This was REALLY boring as it ran nearly fifteen minutes with about twelve of those being spent on a long Funaki heat segment. It doesn’t help that the small guys have never teamed together that I know of and are facing a regular team. Nothing to see here and WAY too long on top of that.
Funaki is a guy that was never going to be considered anything serious and there’s nothing wrong with that. You knew he was going to job 95% of the time but it was really nice to see a title reign as kind of a thank you. He was watchable in the ring and had some funny bits at times, so what more can you ask for? Funaki was a decent guy indeed.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of 1997 WCW Monday Nitro Reviews at Amazon for just $3.99 at: