It’s awards time again.  I’ve got 18 awards to hand out this year and as is my custom, I’ll be doing one of these a day until the end of the year, which just so happens to be the day the Royal Rumble Count-Up stars.  Up first: Worst Angle of the Year.I know it’s easy, but I’m going with Big Show’s firing/crying/threats of lawsuits.  This story went on for months, never gave us any real conclusion (Big Show got cheated out of the title match and just started teaming with Mysterio like nothing happened) and wost of all, it involved LAWYERS.

This is rapidly becoming one of the most annoying things in wrestling.  It’s in WWE, TNA and was in ROH during the few weeks I watched their TV show.  WWE has become obsessed with this idea and even had a recurring lawyer character in David Otunga (which is understandable as he actually is a lawyer).  Think about it though: Christian used to threaten lawsuits for one more match, Del Rio threatened legal action against Sheamus, everyone threatens lawsuits against everyone at times and dear goodness it gets old fast.  Stop having wrestlers hide behind lawyers and have them FIGHT.

Starrcade 1989
Date: December 13, 1989
Location: The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 6,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jim Cornette, Terry Funk

 

As mentioned, this is the culmination of a banner year for WCW. The year 1989 might have had the best in ring action that the company ever saw with the younger guys rising up the card while the older guys were being phased out. That’s why this card was such a strange idea: there are twelve matches and only twelve guys wrestling on the show. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is a bunch of shots of everyone in the tournament with a computer theme. This show is called Future Shock for no apparent reason.

 

The announcers go over the scoring system.

 

The lighting is bad again after showing some improvement last year.

 

Doom vs. Steiner Brothers

 

Again, ALL matches are tournament matches so there’s no point in listing them as such. Apparently the Samoans are replacing the injured Skyscrapers. Doom has Woman and her bodyguard Nitron with them here. Nitron is actually Tyler Mane, who you might know as Sabretooth from the X-Men movies. The Steiners are the World Tag Champions. Scott starts with Doom #2 (Reed) as there are A LOT of empty seats opposite the cameras. Scott hits a quick powerslam for two but charges into a boot in the corner.

 

A hard clothesline puts Reed down as Ross is already mixing up which Doom member is which. Off to Rick vs. Simmons with Rick hitting a quick suplex but barking instead of covering. Back to Reed who snapmares Rick down and pounds away before getting caught in a slam for a quick two count. Back to Scott for a headlock and an atomic drop as the announcers actually have to acknowledge the fact that the seats are so empty.

 

Scott takes Reed down and cranks on his leg before bringing Rick back inside. That goes nowhere so here’s Scott again for a backbreaker for a near fall. Scott misses a big clothesline and crashes out to the floor to give Doom their first advantage. Nitron gets in some shots of his own as Scott is in big trouble. Back in for a powerslam by Simmons for two before Reed comes in for some shots to the ribs.

 

Scott is sent back to the floor for another mugging as Rick keeps trying to make the save, only allowing Nitron and Reed to double team Scott. A double backdrop puts Scott down and there’s a whip spinebuster by Simmons for two. Doom hits a double back elbow and Scott is sent back to the floor again. Simmons suplexes Scott back inside but Scott falls on top for two.

 

A belly to belly suplex puts Simmons down and there’s the hot tag to Rick. Rick pounds away and hits a big old powerslam for two and Reed is knocked over the top and out to the floor. A HARD right hand puts Simmons down but Reed is back in for the save. Nitron trips up Rick but gets clotheslined down for his efforts. Everyone brawls to the floor and Rick dives in to beat the count for the win.

 

Rating: C. Not bad here but it was a pretty standard power vs. power match. I’m guessing the ending had to happen that way for the sake of the scoring but it’s, yet again, a pretty lame way to open up Starrcade. Doom would actually go on to beat the Steiners for the world tag team titles soon after this and hold them longer than any team in the history of WCW.

 

Steiners – 15 points (2 matches remaining)

Road Warriors – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Samoan Swat Team – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Doom – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

 

We get to meet the four people in the singles tournament.

 

Sting vs. Lex Luger

 

Luger is US Champion and bails to the floor to start. He tries to leave up the ramp but Sting catches him with a beating in the aisle. Back in and Sting immediately pounds away before being sent to the apron, only to take Luger down with a clothesline. A slingshot splash gets two and Luger falls to the floor. The fans are NUTS for Sting at this point. Luger gets in a kick to the ribs but Sting blocks a ram into the barricade. A clothesline puts Luger down again and Sting breaks the count back inside.

 

They go to the ring one more time and Sting hits a top rope cross body for two. This is all Sting so far. Sting pounds away in the corner and clotheslines Luger down again for another near fall. Off to a wristlock and armbar on Luger followed by a middle rope cross body for two. Back to the arm as it’s still been all Sting so far. A dropkick gets two on Luger but Sting dives into an atomic drop to give Lex his first advantage. Another atomic drop puts Sting down as the announcer continues to screw up the time, saying we’re ten minutes into the match. It’s more like seven but that’s WCW for you.

 

A right hand to Sting’s ribs has him in trouble again and a kick to those ribs has him in even more trouble. Luger is setting up for the Torture Rack and sends Sting ribs first into the barricade for good measure. Back in and Luger hits a middle rope axhandle for two as he’s starting to crank it up. A powerslam plants Sting down but he backflips out of the Rack, only to get caught in the corner.

 

Lex pounds away in the corner but Sting is all fired up. He comes back with right hands of his own on Luger followed by a suplex for two. Luger bails to the floor, only to be rammed into the barricade for his efforts. They both literally fall over the top rope to get back in, but Luger lands on top and grabs the top rope for the evil pin to take the early lead.

 

Rating: C+. Much better and more exciting match here than the opener with the crowd being WAY into Sting. These two would go to war for years on end as they would be nearly eternally joined at the hip. The timing issues are already becoming annoying but as mentioned, that was something you would often see in wrestling.

 

Lex Luger – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Great Muta – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Ric Flair – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Sting – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

 

Doom vs. Road Warriors

 

Animal and Reed start things off and it’s as slow and plodding as you would expect two guys of this size to be. After a dropkick to Reed’s chest it’s off to Hawk for a wristlock. They collide a few times in the middle of the ring with Hawk finally taking him down via a clothesline. Off to Simmons (keep in mind that they’re not named that but it’s obvious which is which if you’ve seen them wrestle enough) who collides with Hawk several times. Hawk takes over again and it’s off to Animal who gets taken down by an elbow to the face.

 

It’s back to Hawk almost immediately for a missed charge, sending his shoulder HARD into the post. Simmons catapults Hawk’s throat into the bottom rope and it’s back to Reed who gets two off a powerslam. We hit the chinlock for a bit until a double back elbow takes down Hawk.

 

A middle rope elbow gets two for Reed as Woman talks trash from the floor. Back to the chinlock on Hawk as the time speeds up again. I haven’t noticed any clipping here so I’m guessing they’re just speeding things up to get through the matches faster. Hawk fights back with right hands and gets the tag off to Animal. A powerslam puts Reed on the mat as everything breaks down. Simmons tries a piledriver but Hawk comes off the top rope with a clothesline to give Animal the pin.

 

Rating: D. Not much to see here as we’re already reaching the problem with a tournament like this: we’ve already seen Doom twice and we get to see them again later on. It’s not interesting to watch them fight at this point given that they’re pretty much already eliminated from a math standpoint. Also it’s a bad sign when you have to bring math into a wrestling show but maybe that’s just personal taste.

 

Road Warriors – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Steiner Brothers – 15 points (2 matches remaining)

Samoan Swat Team – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Doom – 0 points (1 match remaining)

 

Ric Flair vs. Great Muta

 

Muta is TV Champion and undefeated coming into this match. Flair is of course world champion and brings the Andersons with him. Muta has Gary Hart to counter, meaning advantage Horsemen, as usual. Muta speeds things WAY up to start as is his custom. He’s one of the most exciting guys you’ll ever see and he was at his best around this point.

 

Muta immediately pounds him down into the corner and hits his quick strike elbows on the mat. Flair comes back with chops and has the Figure Four on maybe 75 seconds in. Hart calls out Buzz Sawyer and Dragonmaster but they’re cut off by the Horsemen. Muta is out of the hold but his moonsault hits knees, allowing Flair to get a rollup for a pin in less than two minutes.

 

Ric Flair – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Lex Luger – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Sting – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

Great Muta – 0 points (2 matches remaining)

 

Steiner Brothers vs. Road Warriors

 

This is the ONLY meeting (that mattered) between two of the biggest tag teams of all time. Why it was wasted on a show like this in an inconsequential tag match is beyond me. These teams are friends at this point. Scott and Hawk get things going with Cornette considering this a battle of idiots. Ross says the fans are in awe as an excuse for them being bored so far. Both guys get big boots to the face in succession so it’s off to Rick for a chance at Hawk.

 

Hawk hits a BIG clothesline to take Rick down for two before Animal comes in for a double back elbow. Rick comes back with a Steiner Line to stagger Animal and we’re at a standoff. Animal tries a bearhug but gets caught in a belly to belly suplex for no cover. Back to Scott to meet Hawk with the bird enthusiast gorilla pressing him down to the mat with ease. Rick has to make the save this time and Hawk is annoyed at his actions. Animal comes back in and gets caught in a few belly to belly suplexes. This is pure power the entire way so far.

 

Animal comes out of the corner with a hard clothesline so Hawk comes in for an over the shoulder kneeling backbreaker. A release tilt-a-whirl slam gets two on Scott but he comes back with what was supposed to be a middle rope suplex. Instead it was more like Hawk fell flat on Scott’s chest and was driven face first into the mat. Back to Animal for a bearhug on Scott followed by a BIG powerslam from Hawk. Everything breaks down and Animal picks up Scott for a belly to back suplex with Hawk adding a top rope clothesline. Animal bridges Scott back but Scott raises his arm to get the pin as Animal’s shoulders were down.

 

Rating: D+. Most of that is for the star power alone. This was a lot of pounding on each other and a SCARY botch on that middle rope belly to belly superplex. The Steiners winning was probably the right move here as they shouldn’t have gotten pinned while still being the tag team champions. The Warriors should NOT be wrestling multiple matches in one night though as they already look spent.

 

Steiners – 35 points (1 match remaining)

Road Warriors – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Samoan Swat Team – 0 points (3 matches remaining)

Doom – 0 points (1 match remaining)

 

Sting vs. Great Muta

 

These two fought about a million times and it was Muta who took the TV Title from Sting. Sting dodges a quick spin kick but gets caught in a full nelson. He easily powers out of the hold and puts on one of his own. Muta takes it to the corner and rolls out of it before kicking Sting in the chest. A shot to the face has Sting in trouble as Funk wishes he could do the things Muta is doing. Muta hooks a headlock but Sting escapes again and flips Muta over before getting two off a suplex.

 

A quick attempt at the Scorpion Deathlock is escaped and Muta bails to the floor for a bit. This is a rather fast paced match which is different from what we’ve been seeing so far. Back in and Muta backdrops him down before hitting some of those quick strike elbows of his. Muta grabs both arms behind Sting’s back and flips forward, pulling them forward. Bryan Danielson (Daniel Bryan) would use this move in the indies and call it Cattle Mutilation.

 

Sting flips forward to escape and pounds away with AMERICAN right hands, because all foreigners are evil and must be destroyed by the powers of our American heroes. A big elbow drop gets two on Muta and it’s off to a chinlock. Back up and Muta takes him into the corner and out to the apron for only a few seconds. A backbreaker looks to set up the moonsault but Muta lands on his feet when Sting moves. Muta kicks Sting down and goes up, only to be crotched and superplexed down for the pin.

 

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but again the time constraints are getting really annoying. These guys could easily have a twenty five or thirty minute match but they’re relegated to eight and a half minutes after already wrestling once tonight. It’s decent enough for the amount of time they had but these matches are begging for extra time.

 

Lex Luger – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Ric Flair – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Sting – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Great Muta – 0 points (1 match remaining)

 

Since we’re halfway done we take a breather and look at the scenarios and recap everything.

 

Samoan Swat Team vs. Doom

 

The Samoans are Fatu (more famous as Rikishi) and Samoan Savage (more famous as Tama of the Islanders) and they have Oliver Humperdink as the Big Kahuna in their corner. Before the match, the Samoans and Kahuna do their tribal ceremony or whatever you want to call it. Reed and Savage get things going and unfortunately it’s the Samoan and not Randy. They collide in the middle and we get SAMOAN YELLING.

 

They collide again with no one going anywhere so it’s Reed pounding away at the ample midsection instead. Savage comes back with some kicks to the ribs of his own and it’s off to Fatu. The match continues to go slowly but to be fair this is Doom’s third appearance tonight. Simmons comes in and it’s a brawl again as he pounds on Fatu. Back to Reed for more pounding on the back followed by something resembling a spinebuster. A double back elbow gets two on Fatu off a blind tag and Doom is looking good for the first time tonight.

 

Reed sends Savage out to the floor and Simmons rams him into the barricade. The Samoans are called both the New Wild Samoans and the Samoan Swat Team but the latter is the better known of the names. Simmons comes in off a tag and gets caught in a sunset flip for two. A bulldog is countered by Savage but Reed breaks up a tag attempt to Fatu. Simmons hits a middle rope right hand to the head for two followed by a sloppy body slam. Reed goes up top but misses a middle rope shoulder as everything breaks down. Fatu headbutts Reed down for two but after they collide again, Fatu falls on Reed for the pin.

 

Rating: D. This was terrible as it was clear that Doom was totally spent. As mentioned, they would move on soon after this and win the tag titles, albeit with a new manager. This was a BAD styles clash as the Samoans were trying to match power with Doom and power vs. power rarely works for the most part. This didn’t go that well and we get two more Samoan matches tonight.

 

Steiners – 35 points (1 match remaining)

Samoan Swat Team – 20 points (2 matches remaining)

Road Warriors – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Doom – 0 points (0 matches remaining)

 

Ric Flair vs. Lex Luger

 

Back at this point, champion vs. champion matches were very rare so this is a treat for the fans. Feeling out process to start with both guys seeming a bit tentative. You can’t think Flair is tired at this point after having about three minutes in the ring earlier. As is his custom, Flair can’t get much going in the early part of the match. The chops have little damage and Luger throws Ric around like he’s not even there. A hard clothesline puts Flair down and another puts him out on the floor.

 

Back in and Flair goes after the knee but Luger has too much experience against the Nature Boy to let him do that. Instead it’s an atomic drop for the world champion and some right hands for good measure. Flair is an American so those aren’t American right hands according to JR. Another attempt at the knee goes a bit better though and Luger is slowed down a bit.

 

The world champion stays on the leg and it’s so strange to hear the fans approve of him being on offense. Luger shoves him away and scores with another clothesline before posing like the arrogant jerk that he is at this point. The announcers keep pushing him as the champion of the future as he rams Flair’s head into the corner to put him back down.

 

Luger stomps away in the corner and poses some more followed by yet another clothesline. Some elbow drops get a near fall on Flair as we’re at five minutes left in the time limit. Flair comes back with another chop but Lex pounds him right back down. A big backdrop puts Flair down and Ric rolls out to the floor. Back in and Luger goes after the neck and back as we have four minutes left. Flair comes back with a suplex but he can’t follow up. Three minutes left now.

 

A backslide gets two for Flair and they slug it out until Flair is flipped over in the corner. He runs down the apron and goes up but jumps up into yet another clothesline. That gets two and Lex is very frustrated. A sunset flip gets two for Flair so Luger pounds him down with ease. Ric goes up top very slowly and gets slammed right back down like he’s nothing. Luger misses a jumping elbow and we have thirty seconds to go. Flair gets a belly to back suplex out of nowhere and throws on the Figure Four but the time limit runs out for a draw, giving each guy five points.

 

Rating: C+. The match was fine for the most part and the ending was the only thing they could do given the points structure and the fact that you don’t want either guy to go over the other at this point. It wasn’t bad for the most part but when you had these two going at it for thirty minutes last year, it was kind of hard to get into a match that only got half that much time. Not bad though.

 

Lex Luger – 25 points (1 match remaining)

Ric Flair – 25 points (1 match remaining)

Sting – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Great Muta – 0 points (1 match remaining)

 

Samoan Swat Team vs. Steiner Brothers

 

Rick and Fatu get things going and it’s time for more SAMOAN YELLING. Rick doesn’t take time to translate and punches Fatu in the face instead. The fans are WAY into the Steiners here. It’s off to Scott for the power of the team with a slam. The Savage comes in and walks into a slam as well as the Steiners take over. The Samoans run to the floor and we get the classic Steiners pose of Rick on all fours and Scott standing over him.

 

After a conference with the Big Kahuna (that’s so fun to say), it’s back to Savage vs. Scott. Since nothing else has worked, the Samoan goes with the ancient tribal custom of poking him in the eye to take over. A headbutt staggers Scott and it’s off to Fatu for more brawling. The basics of the Samoan offense is as follows: kick, scream, forearm to the back, scream, headbutt, scream. Just picture that combination for about five minutes and you have the majority of this match.

 

The Savage comes in again and sends Scott into the corner before clotheslining him down for another near fall. The fans are trying to get behind the Steiners but they’re so tired after a show this long and uninteresting. Scott gets choked in the corner by Fatu as the Kahuna distracts the referee. A double headbutt puts Scott down for two but Rick comes in and bites the Savage. It doesn’t seem to have much of an effect as Scott is knocked out to the floor.

 

Back in and Scott’s sunset flip attempt is broken up before Fatu puts him in a bearhug. We’re under four minutes now as Scott is beginning to fade. The hold takes Scott down to the mat so Rick comes in to break it up, only to cause Scott to be double teamed. Back to the bearhug as the match continues to waste time until we can have extra drama.

 

A powerslam gets two on Scott with two minutes left. Scott grabs the Frankensteiner out of absolutely nowhere but Fatu tags out before Scott can bring in Rick. Savage misses a splash and there’s the tag, even though the referee didn’t see it. Rick cleans house but Scott throws Fatu over the top rope which is a DQ in WCW.

 

Rating: D+. Very basic tag match here and nothing all that special. At the end of the day, the Samoans are little more than a gimmick tag team and not much more. The Steiners were still new as a tag team so they weren’t able to carry a team like Fatu and Savage, especially in their fourth match of the night.

 

Steiners – 35 points (0 matches remaining)

Samoan Swat Team – 30 points (1 match remaining)

Road Warriors – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Doom – 0 points (0 matches remaining)

 

Great Muta vs. Lex Luger

 

Luger comes to the ring very gingerly because of the leg work from earlier by Flair. Lex is very tentative to start as Muta tries some sweeping kicks to the leg. A clothesline finally staggers Muta a bit but Luger can’t hit it will all of the force that he usually has behind one of them. Some right hands stagger Muta as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for in this one. The paint is almost entirely off of Muta’s face by this point.

 

Muta finally connects with a kick to Luger’s leg and the entire match changes almost instantly. Luger limps around the ring and Muta fires off kick after kick. An Irish whip sends Luger limping into the corner for Muta’s handspring elbow. Off to a leg lock on the mat by Muta until Lex finally rakes the eyes to escape. Muta goes right back to the leg and both guys are down again. A quick half crab has Luger in even more trouble but Muta turns it into an inverted Indian deathlock with a chinlock to crank on the leg even more.

 

Muta stays on the leg as we continue in the same cycle of this match. We only have four minutes left which should be almost twice that long. A superkick puts Luger down and a dropkick does the same. Luger comes back with a hard clothesline to put Muta down and they slug it out with two minutes to go. A bad looking hiptoss puts Muta down and Lex throws him to the outside. Back in and a sunset flip gets two for Muta but he walks into a powerslam with a minute to go. Luger loads up the Rack but Muta sprays hit green mist in Luger’s face (with Luger looking like he was hit by a bus) for the lame DQ.

 

Rating: C. This is a match that could have been excellent if it had another ten minutes and a good finish. The problem here is that they had to do the stupid finish here or the ending to the tournament would have far less drama to it. Muta was far better than he was allowed to be here, but he would lose the TV Title in a few weeks to Arn Anderson.

 

Lex Luger – 35 points (0 matches remaining)

Ric Flair – 25 points (1 match remaining)

Sting – 20 points (1 match remaining)

Great Muta – 0 points (0 matches remaining)

 

Road Warriors vs. Samoan Swat Team

 

If the Samoans win at all they win the tournament, if the Warriors win by pin or submission they win the tournament, and if the Warriors win by DQ, the Steiners win. I have no idea what happens in the case of two teams tying so we’ll assume that isn’t going to happen. Animal and Fatu start things off with Fatu not being able to piledrive him down. Hawk comes in to chop it out with the Savage but it’s clear that neither team has anything left.

 

Savage tries what was supposed to be a suplex but basically drops Hawk on his head. A clothesline gets two for Hawk and it’s back to Animal. Fatu gets slammed down and Animal starts beating on him all over again. Savage comes in with a superkick to take Animal down as the boredom continues here. We hit a chinlock for a bit but the Savage misses a middle rope splash. Off to Hawk and everything breaks down. Savage goes up and gets crotched, allowing Hawk to hit his top rope clothesline on Fatu for the pin and the tournament.

 

Rating: D. I have to give them a break here as they were totally spent at this point. You can’t ask a team like the Warriors to go for twenty minutes in three shifts on the same night. It wasn’t a good match for the most part, but again it’s hard to criticize them given how much they had done already tonight.

 

Road Warriors – 40 points

Steiners – 35 points

Samoan Swat Team – 30 points

Doom – 0 points

 

The Steiners come out to celebrate with the Warriors for their tournament win.

 

Sting vs. Ric Flair

 

Sting has to win by pin or submission, Flair can win by pinfall, submission or countout. Any other combination results in either a tie or Luger winning. Sting grabs a headlock to start and hiptosses him down. Flair bails to the floor to run off some of the clock. Back in and we get some chain wrestling, resulting with Sting in control on the mat. They get up again and Flair places Sting on the top rope to play some mind games.

 

Flair puts on a top wristlock but Sting overpowers him to take Flair to the mat. Very technical match so far. They run the ropes a few times with Sting dropping down a few times before hitting a gorilla press slam. Flair bails to the outside again as Sting is all fired up. Back in and Sting blocks a hiptoss into a backslide as we hit five minutes in. Flair hits a HARD chop and Sting is in trouble in a hurry.

 

A quick shoulder block puts Flair down for two and Sting is starting to worry about the clock. We head to the floor with Sting being sent ribs first into the barricade as the world champion takes over. Flair suplexes him back inside for two and there’s the knee drop for good measure. Ric gets a few near falls off some rollups and a double underhook suplex for the same. They head to the floor again and Flair’s chops wake Sting up again.

 

We have five minutes left and Sting comes back in with a sunset flip but Flair punches him in the head to break it up. Sting hits a quick suplex of his own for two and it’s time to get fired up again. He pounds away on Flair in the corner and there’s the Stinger’s Splash. The Scorpion Deathlock goes on but Flair is immediately in the ropes.

 

Off to the Figure Four on Sting but he makes the ropes very quickly. Flair goes back to the knee with two minutes to go. A knee onto the leg has Sting in trouble as Flair is pacing himself. Sting grabs a backslide for two and we have a minute to go. Flair crushes the leg again and cannonballs down onto it for good measure. Now it’s time for the Figure Four but Sting rolls Flair up for the pin and the tournament title.

 

Rating: B+. By far and away the best match of the night here as you would expect from these two anytime they work together. This match was designed to set up some future stuff and Flair working as the heel here (mostly) was foreshadowing for those events. At least they let the fans have something good to go out on.

 

Sting – 40 points

Lex Luger – 35 points

Ric Flair – 25 points

Great Muta – 0 points

 

The Horsemen come out and after teasing beating Sting down for pinning Flair, they all congratulate him.

 

The Road Warriors say they’re awesome and Hawk talks about coming out to Iron Man by Black Sabbath and how appropriate it is.

 

Flair praises Sting to end the show. Literally the credits are rolling as Flair is still talking.

 

Overall Rating: D. This is still one of the dumbest ideas I’ve ever heard of in wrestling. At the end of the day, nothing was accomplished here and the fans were bored out of their minds by the end. There were only twelve wrestlers on the entire show (side note: The two African Americans and the Japanese man were all shut out. WCW had a history of racial discrimination complaints so this wasn’t a good idea) and the guys were all tired by the end of the night.

 

The fact that only one of the twelve matches was more than just ok and it’s really hard to care about this show at all. This show felt like it was a television Christmas special instead of the biggest show of the year. As I mentioned earlier, these concept shows would continue for years, but it would never be this bad again. Well, arguably almost never I guess but we’ll get to that in two years.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: December 12, 2011
Location: Norfolk Scope Arena, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s the Slammys! I used to love these things when I was a kid and they were so campy and entertaining. Now they’re just kind of here and they’re usually a way to have some minor stories set up for the next few weeks/months. The main event tonight is Cena vs. Henry, which somehow is a pretty big showdown. It’s also the go home show for TLC, which is kind of a minor aspect given the three hour nature of this. Let’s get to it.

We open with a Slammy presentation. This is for the Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Moment of the Year. Booker presents it…along with Horny. Horny has an afro wig and keeps doing chest bumps with Booker.

The nominees are:

JR dancing
Santino almost winning the Royal Rumble
A fan throws water at R-Truth
Miz impersonates Rock

It’s JR dancing. I can live with that as that was pretty awesome. JR comes out…and here’s Cole to cut him off because that’s what Cole does. Cole says JR is fat and Booker calls him a loser. Strap in people: Cole vs. Booker can go on for HOURS. Booker says JR can beat Cole in a rap off. Cole’s is awful and I think everyone expected that. JR says he doesn’t need music. His actually has something resembling a rhythm to it and there’s music to it anyway. And then he stops rhyming all together. Guess who the fans say win. This very well may have been the worst opening in the history of professional wrestling.

Oh and JR does a Spinarooni. Ok more like he looks like he has a heart attack and convulses on the mat for a bit.

Here are Foley and Ted DiBiase Senior to present the Holy Censored Moment of the Year. This pairing is about as awesome as anything in the history of, ahem, Mankind. They try to figure out why they’re paired together. DiBiase says that he is an ordained minister. Foley: “So if that makes you the holy, then I guess that makes me the…..” DiBise: *EVIL LAUGH*

The nominees are:

Sheamus powerbombs Sin Cara through a ladder
The RKO to a leaping Christian onto the steps
The ring breaking
Evan Bourne’s shooting star off the ladder

Gee I wonder what’s going to win. If you can’t figure this out, you fail. Show comes out to accept and thanks the Sports Entertainment Academy of Arts and Sports. He thinks the World Heavyweight Championship would look good next to the Slammy. Nice little promo for the match on Sunday and for his match which is next.

Big Show vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett says what he’ll do to Orton at TLC will earn him that award Big Show just won. Then again that award is for something unexpected and everyone knows what he’s going to do to Orton. After a break we’re joined in progress with Barrett on the floor trying to get up. There’s a table set up at ringside now. There’s also a chair and a ladder. Barrett avoids going through the table and hits a big boot to put Show’s head on the table.

Show gets up as Barrett is ready to jump and then the bald man breaks the table. With Barrett on the apron on the outside, Show chops him in the chest and knocks him into the ring. Barrett goes to the floor and brings in a chair. Show knocks it out of his hands….and wins by DQ at 1:38? It’s going to be one of those nights isn’t it?

Of all people, the Road Dogg is doing this one. Yes, that Road Dogg. He’s in a DX shirt and is doing the Pipe Bomb of the year, which I think is the weird moment of the year.

There aren’t any real nominees but more along the lines of a bunch of R-Truth moments plus a hand full of others. This is just a big comedy montage for all intents and purposes, which is a great reminder of some stuff, namely Punk and Truth. The winner is…..CM Punk. Ok I can live with that.

Punk comes out with….a mannequin? It’s got a blonde wig and a t-shirt that says…..OH MY GOODNESS IT’S A DYNAMIC DUDES SHIRT!!!!! Punk says that he wants to talk about something tonight that is a special cause. This person works behind the scenes and is incredibly boring, just like this mannequin. Naturally it’s Johnny Ace and Punk has a tribute video. It’s set to a song that I’ve heard before but can’t place. We get Dynamic Dudes clips in there too which makes this worth a smile. After the video Punk is trying not to crack up. He accepts the award on Punk’s behalf and does a decent impression of him.

Lita is here to present the Divalicious Moment of the Year. Yep she’s still hot. I don’t think half the people know who she is.

The nominees are:

Natalya putting the Sharpshooter on Eve and I think Alicia.
Kelly winning the Divas Title.
Kharma destroying Michelle.
Beth’s top rope Glam Slam to Eve.

Of course it goes to Kelly because she’s supposed to be some kind of female hero or something. Beth comes out to take the award from her and gets slapped.

Santino presents the OMG Moment of the Year. The Bellas are with him and they look good in those red dresses. After an argument over whether it’s o-m-g or OMG (pronounced like a word), here are the nominees.

HHH tombstones the Undertaker.
Rock Bottom to Cena at Mania.
The Walk Out.
Punk Leaves With The Title.

HHH wins. Are you freaking kidding me? He makes his big return with the hammer…and walks to the ring without his award. HHH says the real OMG moment was having Taker carried out for the first time in his career. He says the Undertaker is no more. HHH takes credit for ending the Streak. Are you kidding me? We get the video of Nash hitting him with the hammer a few months ago.

He says that maybe their 16 year relationship was based on lies and this Sunday all the lies and deceptions end. On Sunday he’ll show the world that he’s right and that Nash is simply done. Well he was done 13 years ago. Do we really need a match for that? HHH leaves and implies he’ll hit Santino with the hammer but lets him run instead.

Otunga and Tony Atlas are here for the Trending Superstar of the Year. Tony does the laugh as Otunga tries to be serious. The award goes to whichever superstar listed is trending on Twitter the fastest. Get this over with. They’ll be in a fatal fourway with the winner of the match meaning nothing but the first to be trending winning the Slammy.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder

Or is the winner of the match the winner of the award? Do they have any idea what’s going on here? Ryder and Bryan send the champs to the floor and hit stereo dives as we take a break. Back with Ryder and Bryan squaring off and they change the rules AGAIN, saying that it’s whoever trends first. THEN WHY HAVE THE MATCH??? Bryan and Ryder have a decent back and forth segment with them hitting cross bodies to put them both down.

Rhodes and Ziggler tease a staredown but think better of it so they can stomp the good guys. They get in a shoving match and Bryan tries to steal a pin. Rhodes and Bryan have a LONG pinfall reversal sequence but Bryan is sent to the floor. Ryder follows him and Ziggler tries to roll up Rhodes. Alabama Slam to Dolph gets two. They take a second break with Cody standing tall.

Back with Rhodes having Ryder in a Figure Four which doesn’t last long. Rhodes charges into some knees in the corner but Dolph breaks up the Broski Boot. Everyone is in the ring and everyone goes down. Beautiful Disaster hits Ziggler for two and Bryan goes off with the rapid fire kicks to Cody. Bryan goes up but gets crotched. Ziggler gets drilled by Ryder but stops Ryder as he goes up. Both heels hit superplexes and everyone is down again. Rough Ryder to Ziggler, Cross Rhodes to Ryder, LeBell Lock to Rhodes, Sleeper to Bryan, Zig Zag to Bryan and that gets the pin at 15:22.

Rating: B-. Fun match but as Lawler said, the match wasn’t important. What was important was trending on Twitter. That right there sums up almost everything that is wrong with Raw anymore. They’re so obsessed with getting people to notice them and accept them because they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and they have to tell us they’re trending on Twitter 50 times a night and it drives people crazy. And they wonder why no one buys their PPVs and why no one is watching their shows.

Ryder wins the award, because the match was pointless. He gets a Zig Zag for his efforts.

Christian returns to present Game Changer of the Year. He gives himself courageous moment of the year first of all. This is for one moment that changes everything. Here are the nominees.

HHH telling Vince and the pink jacket that he’s relieved of his duties.
Edge’s retirement speech.
Kevin Nash returns.
Rock and Cena making the main event of Mania a year early.

Cena and Rock win, as they probably should. Cena says he should only get half of the credit for this and introduces Rock. Oh wait this is a live show so he’s not here. “But he said he’d never leave!” We do have a satellite clip though. Oh wait no we don’t because he didn’t have time for that either. “This is worse than JR’s rap.” He apologizes for Team Bring It for not bringing it. However, this makes the award mean more because Rock is going to see this soon and hopefully it fires him up even more. This award is for changing the game for a year, but at Mania they change the game forever.

Alberto Del Rio/The Miz vs. CM Punk/Randy Orton

Punk vs. Miz starts us off. Off to Del Rio vs. Orton quickly and the Viper gets beaten down by both heels. We’re in standard tag formula mode quickly tonight. Punk gets a hot tag quickly and cleans house but the GTS is broken up, allowing Miz to guillotine Punk on the ropes as we take a break. Back with Punk backsliding Miz for two. Del Rio comes in and works over the arm a lot.

This is your usual main event style tag match: it’s the same formula with one guy getting beaten down for a long time until the other big face comes in off a hot tag and cleans house to set up the ending. The Finale and the GTS are countered but Punk’s kick to the head of Miz can’t get the tag. Barrett runs in through the crowd to take out Orton. Miz can’t hit the corner clothesline but he counters the GTS into the Finale for the clean pin on Punk at 12:42. Forget what I said about the formula I guess.

Rating: C-. The ending was a VERY nice surprise and it gives some heat to the main event on Sunday, which is certainly a good thing. Not a horrible match but Del Rio and Miz are pretty weak in the ring. Del Rio is boring all around but that goes without saying. It helped to push the title match though so that made it a lot better.

Miz and Del Rio beat up Punk post match and he gets put in the armbreaker using the ladder.

Vickie presents A-Lister of the Year. And here’s Goldust to present with her. He says she wears more makeup than she does.

The nominees are:

The Muppets
Hugh Jackman
Snooki
Cee-Lo Green

And it goes to Snooki because the WWE is stupid. She gives a pre-recorded message.

Mark Henry says he’ll do more to Big Show Sunday than he has already.

Here’s Sheamus but he’s interrupted by Jinder Mahal. Ok then. He rambles for awhile and gets his head kicked off. That’s it. There’s a referee there but there was no bell and no cover or anything.

Rey Mysterio comes out to present Superstar of the Year. The nominees are:

Orton
Miz
Henry
Punk
Del Rio
Cena

Ace comes out and accepts for him because he’s banged up.

Second Coming video. The word control flashes on the screen to end this.

We hear a story about a soldier in Afghanistan that hugged Vince when she saw him and opened her phone to show him her son with a WWE Title belt. Her son and husband are in the front row. That’s cool.

Mark Henry vs. John Cena

This is due to Cena costing Henry a win last week over Ryder. The bell rang at 1055 so this isn’t going to last long. We go to a break less than a minute in. Back with Henry in control,. Cena tries a slam but falls backwards. Off to a neck vice but Cena suplexes his way out of it. He hits the Shuffle but collapses on an AA attempt which gets two for Mark. Henry calls Cena Mr. USA I think.

Cena avoids a powerslam and hammers away but the shoulders don’t put Henry down. Instead Cena jumps into a bearhug and he’s in trouble. He escapes for a few seconds and hits the Slam but falls down afterwards. Then some fire goes off and KANE is back. He has a modified version of the old music and looks like he’s wearing a metal mask. He chokeslams Cena and I guess it’s thrown out at we’ll say 9 minutes. The mask looks ridiculous, but he takes it off post chokeslam to reveal a more traditional one. There’s Cena’s match for Sunday I guess.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here but the end was the whole point of it. Kane was someone that needed to return, if nothing else to give Cena something to do on Sunday. The mask being back….why? His video has the shot of him not in a mask, but he’s wearing one here. I don’t get it, but that sums up most of WWE at this point for me.

Overall Rating: D+. This show didn’t do it for me. I mean it really didn’t do it for me. The awards were pretty weak and while there were a few nice surprises, they didn’t really help get the show going, at least not for me. It wasn’t bad and I’ve definitely seen worse stuff, but this didn’t do much. The crowd didn’t care but I think that’s due to the nature of the show more than anything else. Too much talking too and not a good show overall, but it had its spots. Nice surprise at the end too.

Results
Big Show b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Barrett used a chair
Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes and Zach Ryder – Zig Zag to Bryan
The Miz/Alberto Del Rio b. Randy Orton/CM Punk – Skull Crushing Finale to Punk
John Cena vs. Mark Henry went to a no contest when Kane interfered

Here’s TLC if you’re interested:

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We’re getting closer to the Road to Wrestlemania, which means I need to start packing for the biggest show of the year.  The major story for the show is the world title unification which has been thrown together in less than three weeks for reasons that aren’t quite clear.  Let’s get to it.We’ll start with the pre-show as always.  In case you missed the throwaway line on Raw, the match is Ziggler vs. Fandango in a match of who has fallen further since the summer.  I’ll take Ziggler to win in a match that will likely make people cancel their PPV orders instead of buying the show.

 

As for matches people might actually care about, I’m going with Orton to get both titles.  The seeds for a Cena heel turn are so obvious that they feel like they’re fakes and the Authority will screw him over.  These two in a TLC match should be a great brawl but everyone is waiting for the big story stuff at the end of the match.  Orton wins in an entertaining match.

 

I’ll take Bryan over the Wyatts due to Bray sitting at ringside and Bryan somehow hitting the knee on Rowan for a fast pin.  The key to the Wyatts has always been in their talking so even losing here isn’t the worst result in the world.  Bray will probably sit on the floor for most of the match anyway.

 

Shield over Punk as CM fights off Ambrose and Rollins but gets speared down for the pin.  Ambrose of course takes the credit, furthering the split.

 

Langston keeps the Intercontinental Title in the obvious result of the night.

 

Natalya has to win the title eventually right?  AJ has held the thing for months now and since it’s WWE, having a challenger lose most of the early title shots to win in the end is the norm, even though they look worthless leading up to the match.  Total Divas has wrapped up too, so I have no idea why they’d change the title now, making it all the more likely.

 

In the bonus match I’ll take Mysterio and Big Show to win the tag titles.  Why?  Because the tag division is getting really good so the solution is to put the belts on a thrown together team with I believe one match together at all.

 

If Miz vs. Kofi is added as it should be, I’ll take Miz with another freaking rollup.

 

Overall TLC is a one match show but it’s one heck of a match.  The idea of unifying the titles is something that needed to happen a long time ago and thankfully will get rid of a lot of the annoying problems WWE has, such as four people having 50 title reigns between the two of them in less than twelve years.  It’s far more about the big story to end the show and get us rolling down the road to Wrestlemania, The show should be entertaining enough, though adding in a ladder, chairs or tables match might have helped a bit.  Still though, it should be fun.

 

Thoughts/predictions?

 

 

 

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ECW on TNN
Date: April 21, 2000
Location: Family Arena, St. Charles, Missouri
Attendance: 2,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re at an interesting point for the company as a lot of things have been changing. RVD is the new hero to stand up against the Network but the more interesting story is the world title picture. Around this time, world champion Taz is under contract to the WWF and appearing on Monday Night Raw and Smackdown with the ECW World Title. That’s not something you see every day, making it all the more interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sinister Minister talking about the last circle of torment being saved for betrayers. That’s where you have to go to find the former ECW World Champion. Mikey Whipwreck: “You mean me?” Minister: “Go start a fire Mikey.” The Minister explains the whole Mike Awesome situation and calls it very extreme. However, it’s going to be nothing compared to Cyberslam. The Minister says he loves us all, especially our souls. Cue maniacal laugh.

Opening sequence.

Heyman promises us live coverage of Wrestlepalooza 2000. Do we have to?

We open with the announcers in the ring and Mikey lighting a table on fire at ringside. Joel talks about exposing himself to an 18 year old named Tina before the Impact Players have something to say. Joey says Dawn Marie is the only reason they still have the titles and Jazz is tired of it. Dawn says there isn’t a woman in wrestling that she’s afraid of, so here’s Francine. Justin holds up the kendo stick to hold her off until Raven comes out and we get a match.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Raven/Mikey Whipwreck

This starts as a handicap match but Mikey hops up on the apron to be Raven’s partner. We get an opening bell and a referee but Mikey hiptosses him down and we go to a break. Back with Justin stomping Mikey down in the corner and powerbombing him onto a chair for two. Joey says this is Wrestlepalooza 2000, even though it looks like any other TV taping. Storm gets two off a great looking dropkick and it’s back to Credible.

Mikey finally comes back with a clothesline and it’s hot tag to Raven who cleans house. A knee lift and bulldog get two on Justin as everything breaks down. The Players send the challengers into each other but Mikey sends Storm to the floor with a Cactus Clothesline. Raven’s drop toehold sends Justin face first into the chair but Dawn makes the save. Francine comes in for the catfight and Mikey gets two on Justin off the Whippersnapper (Stunner). Storm gets one as well but Justin tombstones Mikey to keep the belts.

Rating: D+. The match was energetic but the majority of it was spent on this huge brawl instead of a match. Also I can’t stand having a team thrown together due to being in the same place and giving them a tag title shot. I know it’s a common move in wrestling but it doesn’t make it any less annoying. At least it wasn’t Raven vs. Dreamer again though.

Cyrus is in the ring but Joey says they won’t put the camera on him….until the camera goes on him. Cyrus yells at C.W. Anderson and his chick Elektra, saying everyone is here to see the Network. Elektra immediately takes off her robe, leaving her only in a VERY tight dress to fire up the crowd. Cyrus implies Elektra is a rather loose woman and orders Lou E. Dangerously to get her out of the ring.

Left alone in the ring, Cyrus talks about going through the roster and finding someone who doesn’t have a contract. That person would be RVD’s friend Scotty Anton (Scotty Riggs), and he isn’t allowed on TV again without a contract. Cyrus talks about RVD ruining his friends’ careers and here’s Anton in the flesh. A fight is about to break out and the fans start a Scotty chant. Cyrus says Scotty is going to bend over for the Network like he does for Rob and you know it’s on. Before Anton can kill Cyrus though, here’s Rhyno for a match.

Rhyno vs. Scotty Anton

Scotty hits a quick dropkick but gets powerbombed down for two. Rhyno puts him in the Tree of Woe for a Gore as Steve Corino and Jack Victory bring in a table. Anton comes back with a row of chairs but fights off the heels with his fists. A high cross body gets two on Rhyno but Corino hits Anton in the back of the head with a cowbell. There’s the Gore and another one to put both Anton and the referee through the table in the corner for a DQ. No rating but to call this a match is a huge stretch.

Post match here’s RVD for the slugout with Rhyno but security breaks it up before it can go too far. Rob dives over the pile to get at Rhyno again.

Steve Corino vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is a bullrope match for no apparent reason. Corino jumps Dreamer with a cowbell to the eye to open Tommy up. Dreamer comes back by grabbing Corino’s crotch and pounding away at his head. They head to the floor with Corino busted open as well, causing Dreamer to pound away at the cut. Back in and Dreamer hits Corino low before hanging him upside down in the corner. Jack Victory comes in to take out Dreamer and here’s Sandman for the save. Joey: “He can’t be the cavalry because he’s too drunk to ride a horse.”

Sandman has a ladder and kendo stick with him for no apparent reason. As is his custom he takes his sweet time to get to the ring and even climbs the ladder to drink in the aisle. Sandman FINALLY gets in the ring and takes out the Network goons with the kendo stick. I have no idea if the match is still going on or not. Victory and Corino are sent into the ladder and Dreamer is back up. Tommy superplexes Corino down and the good guys lay him on the ladder for a HORRIBLE looking double splash with Sandman stopping halfway through.

Now Tajiri comes out and mists Dreamer in the eyes before kicking Sandman in the head. Corino suplexes Sandman onto the ladder so here’s New Jack with his trashcan full of weapons. The good guys fight up and New Jack uses the staple gun to open Victory’s head up. Sandman ties Corino up in the ladder and beats him with a broom as everyone else is fighting in the crowd. Joey declares this a huge victory for ECW as we cut between Dreamer beating up Tajiri and New Jack working on Victory.

Sandman suplexes Corino onto a piece of guardrail as Dreamer rings the bell over Tajiri’s crotch. Dreamer puts Tajiri in the Tarantula (you read that right) but Victory makes the save. Sandman brings in a table but Tajiri lays Dreamer across it for a top rope double stomp. Tajiri gets hit in the throat, causing him to choke on his mist. Victory gives him the Heimlich Maneuver which gets the mist out, sending it right into Corino’s eyes. New Jack hits a chair shot off the top for the pin on Corino.

Rating: W. For whatever this was, because it wasn’t wrestling. I knew this streak of decent wrestling and good angles couldn’t last.

Rhyno comes in to destroy all the ECW guys until Dusty Rhodes makes the real save. Two Bionic Elbows don’t drop Rhyno so it’s Sandman with a kendo stick shot to drop him.

PPV, Hotline and house show ads eat up most of the rest of the show.

The ECW guys celebrating takes us out.

Overall Rating: D-. This show is the Rain Man of professional wrestling. It shows promise at times, but as soon as things starts going well, something happens and they spin out of control. The last segment doesn’t change anything and doesn’t even make sense. Dusty Rhodes, a former NWA World Champion, is now representing the wild and insane world of extreme wrestling? Once you can wrap your head around that, we’ll get into a 54 year old man who has been retired for over ten years holding his own against a monster like Rhyno. This show wasted everything they had been building up for the last few weeks.

 

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Even if you stretch this holds up.In the 29 Wrestlemanias, there has never been a show where the world, IC/US and tag all changed hands.

 

And before anyone tries to correct me:

Warrior didn’t lose the IC title at Wrestlemania 6

Pre-Show matches aren’t part of Wrestlemania, meaning they don’t count.

Smackdown
Date: December 13, 2013
Location: Rose Garden Arena, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the final show before TLC, meaning this is the last night with two world champions. It’s hard to say what we’ll get tonight but given that this is the blue show, I’ll take a guess and say it ends in a big tag match. Other than that, maybe we’ll get a tables, ladder or chairs match added to the Tables, Ladders and Chairs show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of the ending segment from Raw with Cena calling out Orton for living on his reputation and the huge brawl which seems to plant seeds for Wrestlemania. I still don’t think Shawn is getting back in the ring though.

The belts are hanging above the ring and there are probably fifteen ladders and tables set up around the ring.

Daniel Bryan vs. Erick Rowan

Bryan has one of the Slammys he won on Monday with him. Rowan shoves Daniel down to start but Daniel comes back with a running forearm to stagger Erick. The kicks get him nowhere though as Rowan easily shoves him down. Rowan gets in a forearm of his own to Daniel’s back and puts on a bearhug followed by a fallaway slam.

A splash in the corner gets two on Daniel as Harper looks…..confused I guess you would call it. Bryan gets a boot up in the corner and a middle rope dropkick to drop Erick. Now the kicks work a bit better with the big one to the head dropping Rowan. The FLYING GOAT takes out Harper and Rowan is sent outside as well, only to have Bray trip up Bryan for the DQ at 3:06.

Rating: D+. This was just a quick trailer for the match on Sunday to illustrate what Bryan is going to have to go through. I actually like it better that way as we’ve seen Bryan vs. Rowan in a long match recently so there’s little need to see the same thing again. Also it keeps Rowan looking strong instead of having him lose a second match, meaning there’s some actual thought to the booking for a change.

Bryan has to fight off the monsters post match and manages to get out of the ring for a bad looking running knee to take Bray out.

Real Americans vs. Cody Rhodes/Goldust

Non-title. Before the match Colter rants about Santa Claus telling him Feliz Navidad. That sounds like an illegal immigrant to him and that means we need to strengthen our border with the North Pole. Goldust runs Cesaro down to start and it’s quickly off to Cody as the champions start in on Antonio’s arm. Swagger comes in with some right hands to Cody’s jaw and the Americans start some quick tagging of their own. The Vader Bomb misses as a moderate We The People chant starts up.

Goldust comes in with the uppercut and a spinebuster to Swagger but a blind tag brings in Cesaro to knock Goldust out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Swagger holding Goldust in a front facelock. The Americans take their turns on Goldust with Swagger putting on a chinlock. Goldust fights up and comes off the second rope for a collision with Swagger.

The double tag brings in Cody for the sunset flip out of the corner and the Alabama Slam for two each on Antonio. Goldust has to break up the Swing and Cody gets two more off the Disaster Kick. Both Americans are sent to the floor and Cody hits a great looking dive to take Cesaro out. Back in and Cody loads up the moonsault press but gets distracted by Swagger, allowing Cesaro to pull him into the European uppercut for the pin at 6:17 shown of 9:47.

Rating: C-. It’s been at least a few weeks since we last had the champions lose a few matches to set up a title shot so it was long overdue. The Americans getting wins is fine, but there must be some teams they could beat other than the champions. If nothing else, take some of those guys that have nothing else to do and make quick teams out of them. It’s worked many times before.

Video package on what the history of the titles means for the unification match. This transitions into a nice package shows Cena and Orton’s career paths.

Bad News Barrett calls us losers for voting on the Slammy winners.

Damien Sandow vs. Mark Henry

Langston is on commentary again. Henry throws Sandow around to start and shrugs off a boot in the corner. Sandow is sent to the floor and takes the countout to save himself for Sunday at 1:17.

Langston throws Sandow back inside for the beating he deserves.

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka vs. Bella Twins

Natalya is on commentary. Nikki is shoved to the mat by Tamina to start but uses the power of yelling to come back. A snap suplex and a Samoan drop put Nikki down as Natalya talks about Total Divas. Off to AJ who skips around a lot but misses a charge into the corner, allowing for the hot tag to Brie. The girl named after cheese cleans a little bit of the house but is quickly caught in the Black Widow for the submission at 2:36.

Here’s Cena for the PPV hard sell. Cena talks about how Monday was the first time that the two world champions both handed the world title away. 99% of the superstars in WWE history will never hold one of those (true, though if you go by the WWE roster currently listed on Wikipedia, which to be fair includes Rock, Undertaker, Lesnar and other part timers as well as names like Ezekiel Jackson and Evan Bourne, it’s about 30% of all male wrestlers. Think about that for a minute and you’ll see why the titles should be unified) but they gave the titles away. Why would they do that?

It’s because of the moment on Sunday when the unification will change everything. Cena knows what Orton is capable of, but he also knows something Orton wishes he doesn’t know: Orton has a glass jaw. Think about it: whenever Orton gets hurt, he runs away. This Sunday there’s nowhere to run though and Orton is going to have to suffer through the pain from falling off a ladder or going through a table. Cena doesn’t know what Orton is going to do but he’s going to get back up every time. The question is does Orton run again or does he get back up? This Sunday there’s one champion and his name is John Cena.

We look back at Punk beating Ambrose on Raw but getting speared down after the match.

Shield vs. Usos

Ambrose is on commentary here to continue a theme tonight. Jimmy leapfrogs Rollins to start and punches him in the face before tagging Jey. The twins hit a higher flying version of the Demolition Decapitator for two before Jimmy puts on a standing armbar. Rollins pushes him into the corner for the tag off to Reigns and Shield takes over. Jimmy tries to speed things up by hitting the ropes, allowing Jey to make a blind tag. Some Uso double teaming knocks Rollins out to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Jimmy fighting out of a Seth front facelock and getting two off a backslide. Reigns comes back in and shoves Jimmy into the corner for a chinlock. Jimmy escapes with a jawbreaker but Roman runs him over with a clothesline. Shield tries some double teaming but Rollins gets low bridged to the floor. Jimmy DDTs Reigns down and dives over for the tag to Jey. Rollins comes back in to speed things up with the throw in the air Samoan drop for a VERY close two.

The superkick sets up the Superfly Splash but Seth rolls to the floor. That’s cool with Jey who takes him out with a cross body, putting all four guys outside. Reigns comes out of nowhere with a spear to Jimmy and Jey is sent into the post. Jey barely beats the count but gets caught by the Black Out (running curb stomp). Rollins loads up a GTS but puts Jey on his feet instead of hitting him with the knee, only to set up another spear for the pin at 8:55 shown of 11:10.

Rating: C+. The tag matches continue to be good in WWE as they’re given the time to develop. I still hope the Usos get the titles eventually as they’ve spent years on the roster and consistently put on entertaining matches. At the same time, Shield, is able to have good matches no matter what combination we get from them.

After the match Punk appears on screen from the basement ala Shield’s promos. Punk didn’t like it when Shield put their hands on him and he’s going to do something about it on Sunday. He knows he’s going down, but the question is how many of them are going with him.

Ryback vs. Big Show

Axel and Mysterio are the seconds here. Before the match we get the announcement of a four way tag title match on Sunday: Rhodes/Goldust vs. Ryback/Axel vs. Real Americans vs. Big Show/Rey Mysterio. Big Show chops Ryback down to start and hits the loud chop in the corner. A headbutt staggers Ryback and there’s another loud chop. Ryback comes back with a nice spinebuster for two but the Meat Hook is caught in a chokeslam to give Big Show the pin at 1:44.

Axel takes a 619 post match.

We look at Bryan attacking Bray earlier.

The Wyatts come on screen and Bray says he was trying to prove Daniel wrong. Bray yells that he (Bray) was a blind fool though and starts singing about walking with the reaper and leaving this world behind. That’s his special lullaby song that he sings to all of his babies before he puts them down. See you Sunday Bryan.

Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio

Del Rio gets the jobber entrance. No match again this week as Miz jumps Kofi and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale on the floor. I’d assume we have a TLC match set as a result.

In the weekly sitdown interview, HHH says he might listen to an apology from Orton for him running into Stephanie on Monday.

Here’s Orton for the apology to end the show. He talks about the end of Monday’s show and seeing Stephanie laid out on the mat. Orton can’t get the image out of his head and wants to apologize to the Authority in person. This brings out HHH as Orton says it was clearly an accident. He says it’s clearly an accident if you look at the footage so here’s the ending sequence again.

There’s more footage from a different angle in slow motion but we have to wait for the YES chant to die down first. Orton talks over the Daniel Bryan chant and talks about how their relationship is important and he wants HHH and Stephanie to accept his apology. HHH says he’s seen the footage over and over because they’re his cameras in the first place. There are a lot of people that need to apologize but he isn’t one of them. They both know he could fire Orton for this but that wouldn’t be best for business. For this one time, Orton’s apology is accepted.

Orton is grateful, but there’s one more thing he needs to ask about. We look at the footage of Cena helping Stephanie to her feet and standing next to the Authority and Orton would like an explanation. Randy talks about proving himself on Sunday but wants to know if the Authority has the same amount of faith in him that he has in himself. HHH says don’t worry about it because they know exactly where their faith lies. Orton is confused to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was designed to set up the main matches for Sunday but we didn’t really get anything new here. Bryan got in a shot at Bray and that’s really about all that has changed. Cena still seems to be the Authority’s guy (though I don’t buy it at all) and Punk is still promising to take the Shield down with him. Other than adding the four way tag match, there really isn’t anything new for Sunday. The wrestling here was just ok but the point was setting up the PPV. Everything was covered, but other than the main event there isn’t much of interest to see, which cuts tonight’s show down.

Results

Daniel Bryan b. Erick Rowan via DQ when Bray Wyatt interfered

Real Americans b. Goldust/Cody Rhodes – European uppercut to Rhodes

AJ Lee/Tamina Snuka b. Bella Twins – Black Widow to Brie

Shield b. Usos – Spear to Jey

Big Show b. Ryback – Chokeslam

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of In Your House at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Haven’t done one of these in awhile but it’s the biggest story in wrestling so it needs something said.On Smackdown, Cena says that 99% of wrestlers in WWE history have never been a world champion.  That’s not too far from the truth.

 

On the other hand, if you look at the active roster (I used the one on Wikipedia, which includes names like Ezekiel Jackson and Evan Bourne who haven’t been around in forever as well as part timers like Undertaker, Rock and Lesnar), about 30% of the male wrestlers have held a world title.  Think about that for a minute.  Pick any ten WWE wrestlers and odds are that three of them have been a world champion.

 

If that doesn’t sum up why the titles should be unified, nothing will.

It’s a site about the Hart Family and is either something official or a REALLY big fan site.  Either way their Twitter is followed by Natalya so there’s something to them at least.

 

Either way, they posted one of my reviews on their site so they seem cool to me.  Here’s a link to their page.

 

http://paper.li/HARTgrapevine/1339874004

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 12, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

The tournament is finally down to two entrants with Magnus and Jeff Hardy left to square off for the title. Thankfully they’re giving us a week off from the matches to get ready for the title match instead of just blasting through it tonight. We do however have Feast or Fired tonight, with a shot at all the male titles and a pink slip up for grabs. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Dixie trying to get the title back last week.

Rockstar Spud is driving near Gainsville, Georgia as he tries find AJ’s house.

In the arena, JB is standing next to four briefcases and the Wheel of Dixie. Inside the four cases are a World Title shot, an X-Division Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot and a pink slip. We’ll get to those later though as we need to find out the stipulations for the tournament final. Before we can talk about gimmick match #2 though, here’s Angle to clear the ring and call out Bobby Roode to end this once and for all.

Roode comes out and says he’ll fight but not right now. He was eliminated from the tournament by falling through a table. Angle was eliminated because ever since he passed on the Hall of Fame, Roode has beaten him. Kurt says he could beat Roode twice in one night and the fight is on again. Security comes out to break it up and Roode gets in a low blow. Next week is Final Resolution and Bobby wants a 2/3 falls match.

We look back at Bad Influence vs. Joseph Park, focusing on Bad Influence finding out that the Park Park and Park law offices closed years ago.

Eric Young has a plan for the match and asks Park to trust him.

Joseph Park/Eric Young vs. Bad Influence

Young takes Daniels down to start before bringing in a hesitant Park. Off to Kaz vs. Eric with Young raining down right hands in the corner. Back to Park as the fast tags continue and Tenay plugs every internet feature the company can think of. A knee to Park’s gut puts him down and Bad Influence takes turns pounding on him. Par fights back but gets nervous again, so Eric gives him a few hard right hands to the face, busting him open. Abyss mode ensues and Kaz is Black Hole Slammed for the pin at 5:45.

Rating: D+. I still don’t get the appeal of Eric Young. He isn’t particularly funny, he isn’t anything special in the ring, he doesn’t do anything that others couldn’t do just as well, but he’s kept a job for several years now. Bad Influence on the other hand is actually funny and can put on good matches, which is clearly why they’re stuck in feuds like this one.

Post match Eric tells Park that he’s Abyss, which apparently no one suggested to him in 18 months.

Ethan Carter III is getting massaged before he has a Hall of Fame moment tonight. It’s going to make social media explode.

Here’s Carter for his match but he makes sure to tell Brian Hebner that he has nothing to worry about. Tonight Carter is going to face TNA’s social media guru: Jeremy Borash. JB makes a hilarious terrified face like he just saw TNA’s PPV numbers but Sting of all people interrupts Carter.

Sting asks if he can shake Carter’s hands because Carter is a skyrocket. Carter is shooting for the stars but he hasn’t accomplished anything at all. Sting isn’t cool with this because Carter is just riding his family and last name through doors that never should have been opened for him. There’s a big match coming up tonight called Feast or Fired and Carter can either enter or fight Sting right now. Carter gets in Sting’s face and says it’s on, meaning he’ll enter Feast or Fired.

Spud is still looking for AJ’s house but finds a gas station attendant who says Styles hangs out at a bar down the road.

Gail Kim vs. ODB

This is supposed to be the open challenge but Gail says she’s beaten ODB too many times already. ODB says she’s here to fight Tapa though and the brawl is on. Gail gets involved though and ODB gets double teamed down until Madison Rayne (looking great with long reddish brown hair) returns to make the save.

Spud finds the bar and imitates a redneck to get some service. He calls AJ Alan Jones (his real name) and is told he’ll get information for a drink. Spud puts down a dollar bill and asks for some mixed drink, getting a beer with a lemon instead.

Post match Spud sings karaoke and is thrown out.

Video outlining Feast or Fired.

James Storm and Gunner apologize to each other and say good luck in the match tonight.

Spud keeps looking and walks off into the dark with a flashlight.

Here’s Dixie Carter to oversee the face to face meeting between Hardy and Magnus. Earlier tonight Angle destroyed the Wheel of Dixie but she’ll give him the 2/3 falls match anyway. That brings her to AJ Styles, who is still making a mockery of her world title. Next week though she gets a new world champion and brings out the competitors. Hardy talks about winning the Bound For Glory Series last year and promises to win the title again next week.

Magnus says he sees Hardy as the best today and the final obstacle. Dixie says the final match will be called Dixieland and we get a video explaining the concept. The match starts in a cage and you have to climb over the top and go up the ramp and climb a ladder to pull down the belt. I’m sure this isn’t going to be overbooked at all. Dixie promises to make the winner the face of TNA and let them become the most important person in the company.

Velvet says she has Sabin’s back tonight in his title match, even though Sabin seems oblivious to her.

Spud breaks into presumably AJ’s house and finds the belt in a bag on the coffee table. AJ comes down the stairs and is incredibly calm considering someone broke into his home. Apparently people had called him and told him to expect a British guy, hence why the door was open. AJ says we can either call the cops or call some of his buddies. Spud leaves the belt and runs away as AJ slams the door.

Anderson says he had fun at the funeral but now it’s time to get the world title back.

X-Division Title: Chris Sabin vs. Austin Aries

Sabin is defending. Aries sends him into the corner to start and takes a victory lap, including a look at Sky. The distraction lets Aries slide back in for a baseball slide to take out Sabin, only to have the champion send him face first into the apron. A gutbuster gets three straight near falls for Sabin and he drapes Aries ribs first across the top rope for the same.

Aries comes right back by draping Sabin’s ribs across the top and pounding away at Chris’ head. A forearm puts Sabin on the floor but Aries throws him back in for a missile dropkick. Sabin stops a charging Aries with a boot to the face but Austin Japanese armdrags the champion into the corner. Chris rolls him up for two but the kickout nearly sends Sabin into Velvet. The distraction lets Aries hit the brainbuster for the pin and the title at 6:08.

Rating: C. Not bad here and maybe this can get the title to mean something for a few weeks. The belt has been worthless since BFG as it always is around this time of year. It’s just a toy that TNA dusts off every now and then to make it seem like it matters but it’ll be nothing again in a few weeks.

Post break Sabin gets in Aries’ face but Aries says he’ll enter Feast or Fired and then steal Velvet.

Magnus talks about winning the world title but gets a phone call.

Preview for next week’s Final Resolution with Angle vs. Roode and Jeff vs. Magnus.

Feast or Fired

Mr. Anderson, Curry Man, Samoa Joe, Dewey Barnes, Norv Fernum, Chris Sabin, Chavo Guerrero, Hernandez, Zema Ion, James Storm, Gunner, Austin Aries, Ethan Carter III

Anderson comes out to do his entrance but Bully Ray jumps him from behind and piledrives Anderson on the stage. Ray talks about evil standing strong over good in what sounds like a quote from a rather epic speech. He says Anderson’s wife is pregnant with twins but Ray will be responsible for their future.

As for the match, there’s a briefcase at each corner of the ring and whoever gets the case gets whatever is inside. That could be a shot at the World, Tag Team or X-Division Titles or a pink slip. The bell rings and Curry Man immediately walks out and Sabin bails to the floor. Fernum and Barnes both miss dives but Aries dives on everyone to take them out. Ion dropkicks Aries through the ropes and SuperMex launches himself over the top rope to take everyone out. Gunner backdrops storm onto them as Norm and Dewey hit dives of their own. Joe hits the suicide elbow to take the jobbers out and the ring is empty.

Carter gets back in the ring and gets case #3 as we take a break. Back with Joe destroying everyone in sight until Barnes and Fernum throw him to the floor. They both go up top but Ion shoves them to the floor, allowing him to grab case #2. Most of the people get back inside and it’s Aries diving onto Storm and Hernandez. A discus lariat staggers Hernandez and Aries hits some running dropkicks in the corner. He sends Barnes and Fernum into each other before going up top for a 450 onto both guys.

Austin goes for a case but Sabin makes a save, only to be sent into the steps. Joe, Chavo and Hernandez get back inside with Chavo being launched into the corner where he grabs case #4. Gunner and Storm get back inside but have to deal with Hernandez. Dewey and Norv come back in to try a superplex on Hernandez but Gunner powerbombs him down to make it a Tower of Doom. Storm Last Calls Joe to the floor but Gunner crotches him and takes the case to end the match at 14:11.

Rating: C+. This is always a hard match to grade as there are four winners and technically no losers. The whole point of the match is the drama of the cases being opened next week and not really about the action here. Gunner turning on Storm is kind of interesting but nothing out of the ordinary. Still though, decent enough stuff.

Dixie is sitting at a dinner table when Jeff Hardy comes in. He accepts a glass of wine as the show ends.

Overall Rating: D+. This show was really chatty. We had one match in the first hour and then a lot of talking. Then there was another match and we talked some more, then we had Feast or Fired to end things. Last week’s show worked because they threw a lot of stuff at us to keep it interesting, but tonight was all about only a handful of angles which got repetitive quickly. It’s not a horrible show but it was there to set up future stuff which doesn’t make for the most entertaining two hours.

Results

Joseph Park/Eric Young b. Bad Influence – Black Hole Slam to Kazarian

Austin Aries b. Chris Sabin – Brainbuster

Ethan Carter III, Zema Ion, Chavo Guerrero and Gunner won Feast or Fired

 

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