With someone you wouldn’t have guessed.The Wyatts laid out Bryan in the back tonight.  I like the potential of this a lot.

And he…..LOST!  Cena survived a shockingly awesome match and won with the AA.  This was really good stuff actually and Sandow’s best match ever by about 8000 miles.

The hosting company sent me an e-mail saying the site will be down for about thirty minutes on Wednesday.  This shouldn’t be anything complicated and things should be back up soon.  If you try to access it and can’t, everything is fine and I knew about it in advance.  Check back in about half an hour and it should be running.

KB

Halloween Havoc 1990
Date: October 27, 1990
Location: UIC Pavilion, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul E. Dangerously

This is a somewhat forgotten period of the company’s history as Sting is world champion and he’s being haunted by the Black Scorpion. You would think a Halloween show would be perfect for a supernatural character to be blown off but that wound up happening at Starrcade. Instead tonight it’s Sting vs. Sid for the title as well as Luger vs. Stan Hansen for the US Title. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is just shots of the guys on the show.

Ross has a fedora on while Dangerously is a vampire.

Tony is a phantom of some kind. He talks to Ricky Morton and Tommy Rich who are teaming together because Robert Gibson is hurt.

Ricky Morton/Tommy Rich vs. Midnight Express

This would be Lane/Eaton’s last WCW match as Lane left to start SMW with Cornette. Their music (which is still freaking cool) gets a big pop. The Freebirds injured Gibson so there isn’t much heat here. Morton and Eaton get us going and it’s stalling early on. Eaton hiptosses Morton down and then does it again out of the corner. Eaton’s tights are so high up you can’t see his navel. He jumps into a punch to the ribs and Morton takes over a big.

We get a crisscross and hits a rana before it’s off to Lane. Actually scratch that as he’s just being nefarious. Now he comes in legally for a double team as Morton is in trouble again, this time off a Lane powerslam. A slingshot clothesline puts Morton down and Eaton adds an elbow drop. The Midnights are starting to cook here. Ricky gets sent to the floor and Eaton completely misses his top rope shot to the head.

Everyone but Lane is on the floor and Cornette gets in a racket shot to the throat. Morton is finally thrown back in and Lane fires off his karate shots. Cornette acts like the great manager that he is and distracts the referee so that Morton’s sunset flip is missed. Morton gets sent to the floor again and Lane hits him with a slam. The Express hits the Rocket Launcher onto Morton on the ramp in a good looking move.

Cornette gets in another racket shot to Morton as we’re almost ten minute in without Rich being in the match at all yet. He tries to come in but all that does is allow Lane to throw Ricky over the top. The idea is that Rich has no idea how to wrestle in a tag team so the Midnights are destroying the tag team expert. On the floor Morton hits a standing rana on Eaton before coming back in to small package Lane for two.

Eaton comes back in and hits the Alabama Jam but doesn’t cover for some reason. Back to Lane for more karate but Morton comes back by ramming Lane into the buckle. Still no tag but the second Rocket Launcher attempt hits knees. Eaton tags in Lane but Morton rolls into the corner to tag in Wildfire. Rich’s Thesz press is broken up so he goes up, only to get clocked by the racket. The Southern Boys come out dressed as Cornette for a distraction, allowing Morton to whack Lane with the racket for Rich to get the pin.

Rating: B. Good stuff here with the full tag team formula working to near perfection. Ricky Morton is perfect for what he was doing here, getting destroyed for about ten minutes before Rich comes in to do nothing before the ending. It’s perfect also that the Midnights go out after losing to Morton.

Bill Irwin vs. Terry Taylor

This is before Taylor is computerized and he’s no longer a farm animal. Jack Brickhouse of the Chicago Cubs is on commentary here. He’s a commentator so at least he has an idea here. The ring mat is red here and the buckles are orange if I forgot to mention that. Taylor works on the arm to start and things slow down a lot already. Irwin is a cowboy kind of guy so he has the bandana around his neck.

Taylor comes back with a missile dropkick for two. He takes it to the mat and hooks a headlock to slow things down again. Brickhouse used to be a wrestling announcer apparently. Irwin takes over and rams Taylor into his knee. A knee drop misses and it’s back to the headlock. Brickhouse snaps off a bunch of names he’s watched over the years, including Gotch and Hackenschmidt. Dang how old is this guy? His age would mean he couldn’t have seen them so apparently the guy is a liar. Good to know.

Irwin takes over again and the announcers insult Gordon Solie a bit. Brickhouse names off some other guys he used to watch, most of which you’ve heard of. He also knows most of the modern guys which is interesting. This guy could be a regular commentator. The match is being TOTALLY ignore but to be fair, it’s nothing of note with mostly rest holds. Irwin puts on a chinlock as JR is talking football.

There’s a boring chant going on now and it’s completely appropriate. Dangerously tries to get the commentary back on the match but I really don’t care to hear about it. Sleeper goes on as Brickhouse talks about Verne Gagne developing that move. I seem to remember it being Johnny Weaver but Gagne was certainly around first so maybe it was him. Then again it’s just a choke so it’s kind of a stretch to say any one person invented it.

A bridging belly to back gets two for Taylor but he walks into a tombstone for the same. Now we’re talking about the WCW Top Ten which was one of those things that was around for years but it never really meant anything. They head outside and Irwin is knocked off the ramp to the floor. Taylor takes over and drops a knee for two. Irwin chokes some more but gets caught in a sunset flip for two. A small package gets the same for Rooster Man, as does a rollup. Irwin puts him down with a spinebuster but doesn’t cover him properly, allowing Taylor to roll him up for the pin.

Rating: D-. What a boring match. Brickhouse, a guy that would have been in his mid 70s at this point, was by far the most interesting thing here. He seemed interested in being there and was talking wrestling almost the entire match, which is far more than you’ll get from most guest commentators. The match itself sucked as no one wanted to see it and neither guy did anything to make it better.

Tony brings out Sting to talk about his title defense later on tonight against Sid as well as the Black Scorpion. He’s tired of hearing about how big and bad Sid is and he just wants to start the fight now. Cue the Black Scorpion who is behind Sting on the stage as opposed to the platform Sting is on. Black Scorpion kidnaps some fan from next to the stage and puts her in a conveniently placed box/cage and makes her disappear. Then he pops up on the other side of the stage with the girl who Sting catches. There’s a reason this is considered the worst angle of all time.

J.W. Storm vs. Brad Armstrong

Armstrong is the Candyman which is another gimmick they gave him which was just a nickname that went nowhere. Storm is undefeated coming in and gets a good reaction. He’s 6’6 and in a leather jacket, which is taken off to reveal a good look. Why have I never heard of this guy? Storm blocks a hiptoss and kills Armstrong with a clothesline. Armstrong hits that perfect dropkick to send Storm out to the floor.

Storm comes back into the ring and charges right at Brad, taking him down with a clothesline. A big back elbow puts Armstrong down and it’s off to a chinlock. Brad fights out of it but gets caught in a hot shot for his troubles. Snap suplex gets two and a powerslam puts Brad down. Storm misses a dropkick and Armstrong hits a knee lift. They slug it out and mess up a rollup spot before Armstrong hooks a small package for the pin. Wait WHAT? That’s a huge surprise.

Rating: D+. This was a total head scratcher. Storm was undefeated coming in and was treated as a total monster for the whole match before a jobber to the stars pins him? This would be like Derrick Bateman getting repackaged and beating Tensai on Raw. I don’t get this one at all and I also don’t get why Storm didn’t get more of a push. He was in a jobber tag team called Maximum Overdrive but that’s about it. He had a great look and was a big guy who the fans seemed to be into. I don’t get it.

Southern Boys vs. Master Blasters

The Southern Boys are Tracy Smothers and Steve Armstrong while the Master Blasters are Blade and Steel. Blade is Al Green, a guy you might possibly remember as The Dog when WCW was dying. He was also part of a team called The Wrecking Crew in the early 90s which was nothing special. Steel on the other hand is Kevin Nash, who you may have heard of.

The Blasters look like the Road Warriors. Cornette comes out in a Confederate Army uniform for some reason and complains about the Armstrong Family, which you know is hilarious. Steve and Blade get us going with Blade being clotheslined to the floor. Cornette goes on a rant about how messed up the family is, including a bunch of stories about the odd family members. Off to Smothers who Cornette has stories about too. Nash comes in and is thrown to the floor with ease.

Cornette and Heyman are about to start the Civil War up all over again as Cornette is defending the south and Dangerously is standing up for the north. The Southern Boys try a double team move but even piling onto Steel they can’t get a two count. Cornette talks about how Smothers has some famous relatives: Rock Hudson, Liberace and Truman Capote. Here’s a hint about what they all have in common: they’re all gay (well maybe in Liberace’s case but he was certainly flamboyant).

Now Cornette goes on about how his granddaddy convinced Jefferson Davis to throw the Civil War because they didn’t want to have to live in New York once they took it over. Dangerously and Cornette go at it and JR sounds completely defeated trying to talk about the match. The Blasters run over everyone and HOKEY SMOKE NASH JUST GOT UP IN THE AIR ON A LEAPFROG! I mean he got WAY up there too.

Cornette goes to cheer on the Blasters as Dangerously has no idea what to make of him. Blade goes up but jumps into a boot. Back to Armstrong and JR calls Steel Rock for some reason. The Southern Boys hit their dropkick/spinebuster combination but Cornette interferes, allowing Blade to kill Armstrong with a clothesline for the pin.

Rating: D. The match sucked but the commentary is absolutely hilarious. When Cornette gets on a roll, there is almost no one in the world that can keep up with him. The match was a squash for the most part, but the Master Blasters never wound up doing anything. See, back in the old times, you would often have tag matches or even singles matches like these on PPV or TV. There’s no real point to them and the guys might not be going anywhere, but you set them up like this in case they might go somewhere. It was a good way of having a large amount of people to pick from, but it makes for some lousy PPVs.

Freebirds vs. Renegade Warriors

The Warriors are Chris and Mark Youngblood and they’re Indians. They’re also boring beyond belief, to the point that the HATED Freebirds are cheered coming to the ring. The Birds have jobber Rocky King as their roadie Little Richard Marley here. Hayes dances around to start before chopping Mark. The Youngbloods gang up on them and clear the ring so we can stall some more.

Off to Chris vs. Garvin with Jimmy suplexing him down and throwing him over the top to the floor while the referee isn’t looking. King gets in some weak offense on the floor and it’s off to a chinlock. Hayes comes in and it’s chinlock number two. That gets reversed into a sleeper but Hayes makes a blind tag to break up the hold. Back to Hayes so he and Chris can trade chops and punches. This is a really dull match so far.

Right back to the chinlock by Hayes to make sure this doesn’t get interesting. And the hold keeps going. And keeps going. This hold has been going for FOUR MINUTES. Shouldn’t Youngblood be legally dead by this point? If nothing else it’s certainly killing the crowd. Granted the rest of the match had already killed them but this is just pouring more and more dirt onto the grave.

They FINALLY get up and Hayes sets for the DDT, drawing the loudest pop since Sting was here. Remember that the Freebirds had been injuring a lot of people lately and were hated. That’s how bad the Warriors are. Either way it gets reversed and it’s off to Garvin. They head to the floor for nothing of note as this needs to end immediately. Hayes comes back in and drops an elbow for two before THE FREAKING CHINLOCK COMES BACK AGAIN! The announcers argue over Jon freaking Lovitz as Youngblood breaks the hold, only to have it put on AGAIN.

Hayes slams him down and goes up top for some reason. That gets him slammed down and it’s off to Mark. You would think the fans would cheer after a FIFTEEN MINUTE beating, but no one is all that interested. Everything breaks down and King gets in too. The referee puts him out and the distraction lets Hayes DDT Mark for the pin.

Rating: F. There were seven chinlocks in an 18 minute long match. The fans were loudly cheering for the hated heels. I think that sums up everything as well as anything else I could say. The Warriors really were that bad and the Birds didn’t help anything at all here. This was one of the most boring match I have ever seen, and that’s covering a lot of ground.

The Horsemen (Arn, Flair and Sid. The fourth is Barry Windham but he’s not here. Remember that because it becomes important later) warn Doom and Sting that they still have time to run before the belts come to the Horsemen.

US Tag Titles: Steiner Brothers vs. Nasty Boys

This is a BIG feud and the Steiners are defending. The Nasties had beaten down the Steiners and left them bloodied after the match was made, which was unheard of at this point. It’s a brawl to start and Scott gets hit with a chair. He and Sags go into the ring with Scott escaping the superplex. He runs up the corner and hits a belly to belly superplex to take Jerry down. The crowd is going NUTS for this whole thing.

Knobbs interferes and it’s Jerry in control as he starts with Scott. Scott comes back with a Tiger Driver and Rick comes in to clean the ring. The Steiner Bulldog KILLS Sags but Knobbs breaks it up with a chair shot as the referee is getting Rick out. Knobbs, the illegal man, gets two off that. A side slam puts Scott down and the Steiners are in trouble. Powerslam gets two.

They go to the floor and Sags drops a knee on Scott, who is in big trouble. Sags comes in legally and hits a pumphandle slam for no cover. Side salto gets two with Rick making the save. The Nasties switch without a tag again so it’s back to Knobbs for more beating. Abdominal stretch goes on and the cheating draws in Rick again so the Nasties can switch again. Sags puts on a bearhug to stay on the bad back.

Scott comes out of it with the natural counter: a belly to belly suplex. The tag brings in Rick who cleans house with the Steiner Line. Rick gets knocked over the top to the floor and the Nasties hit a spike piledriver on Scott. Rick is like screw that and pops Sags with the chair. The referee is really lax about these tags. Jerry is busted open but he brings in Brian to prevent the tag to Rick.

Knobbs puts the bearhug on again and rams Scott’s back into the buckle a few times. Sags puts on a Boston Crab but Scott does a pushup to break it up, but Knobbs breaks up the tag again. A reverse chinlock goes on but Scott breaks out of that too. The Nasties try to cheat again but Scott avoids a charge and hits the Steiner Line on Jerry. Hot tag to Rick and everything breaks down.

The Steiners start pounding on the Nasties but they both get thrown to the floor. Rick comes back in with a double top rope clothesline to send the Nasties to the floor, but it lets them beat up Scott while they’re out there. Scott pulls Sags to the floor again and Rick KILLS Knobbs with a Steiner Line. There’s the Frankensteiner and I don’t care who you are, in 1990 that means it’s over.

Rating: B. What a great brawl this was. If you cut about three minutes out of this it’s a classic. This is the match that made the Nasty Boys, but since this is WCW, the idea of signing them up was unheard of so they were in the Royal Rumble less than three months after this and winning the tag titles from the Hart Foundation in about six months. The match was good, but the Steiners were so far and away better than any other team in the world at this point that it didn’t matter who they were facing.

The Nasties jump the Steiners again, hitting them with the same belt shots that started the feud.

Junkyard Dog vs. Moondog Rex

Please make this short. The Dog sends the Moondog to the floor and it’s time to stall. Back in the ring and they collide before JYD does the all fours headbutts. Moondog looks nothing like he usually does. He doesn’t even have a bone with him. A chair is brought in but it doesn’t go anywhere. Rex pounds him down while Paul asks why Mr. and Mrs. Dog named their son Junkyard. Oh ok there is a bone there but it’s on the corner. The referee takes it from him and a headbutt by the Dog gets the pin. This was nothing.

Tony talks to Scott who says it’s the Nasties’ blood on his tights, not his own. The Nasties, dressed as concession stand workers for some reason, jump Scott and beat him down. Dangerously thinks it’s hilarious.

World Tag Titles: Doom vs. Ric Flair/Arn Anderson

Doom has the titles and are recently turned faces. Anderson and Simmons start things off and AA gets shoved around. Simmons suplexes him down and headbutts him to the floor, making the Horsemen take a time out. Back in and Flair hits a knee to the back, but the suplex Anderson hits is no sold. Simmons comes back with right hands and Reed hits a knee of his own the back of Anderson. Powerslam gets two for Big Ron.

Teddy Long slaps Flair and Dangerously freaks out. Naitch comes in to face Reed and it’s time to strut. Flair goes to the eyes and takes over on a power man like only he can. Reed comes back with punches of his own and Doom hits stereo gorilla press slams to take over again. It gets back to Reed vs. Flair in the corner and the chops just don’t work on him Ric.

Reed sends him into the corner and the Flair Flip lands on a cameraman.

Simmons pounds Flair up the ramp and the chops STILL don’t work. Back to ringside and the Horsemen are in trouble. Anderson comes in to face Reed but it’s quickly off to Simmons. The Horsemen finally realize they can’t overpower Doom so they do what they do best: cheat! Flair comes back in and now his chops work. Anderson’s spinebuster gets two on Ron. Back to Flair and it’s time to go after the knee. There’s the Figure Four (on the correct leg and everything) and they even cheat during that.

Simmons finally makes it to the rope but Anderson is right there to keep Ron in the ring. Ron fights back but his right hands only get him so far. A dropkick misses and they get into a test of strength on the mat, letting Arn do his jump in the air and crotch himself spot. Back to Flair and even with Simmons worn down he can’t drop him with a shoulder. To the floor and Flair gets sent into the barricade to give Simmons a chance.

A sunset flip on Arn doesn’t work as Anderson makes the tag to Flair on the way down. Simmons hits a kind of clothesline (looked more like a jumping fist) but AA stops the tag AGAIN. Simmons is finally like screw this and drills Anderson so he can make the tag to Butch. Everything breaks down and Reed kills Anderson with a top rope shoulder for two. DDT kills Reed but Simmons makes the save. They fight to the floor and it’s a double countout which isn’t that popular of a decision.

Rating: B. I was digging this match until the end, but it was really just a setup for the better street fight at Starrcade. Granted that had Windham and Anderson due to Flair having to do something else that night but it was still the Horsemen. Anyway, good match here but the ending was more or less just a setup for a street fight later on.

Stan Hansen breaks a pumpkin which represents Lex Luger.

US Title: Stan Hansen vs. Lex Luger

Luger has held the title for an insane seventeen months coming into this, a record which is about six months longer than anyone else ever. Luger goes nuts on Hansen to start and elbows him to the floor. Back in and Hansen takes it right back to the floor, sending Luger into the post. They head back in (again) and Lex slams him down but gets taken down with a headlock takeover. A charge misses Luger in the corner and Hansen lands on the floor.

Luger rams Hansen into the ramp a few times and heads back in to drop some knees. A snap suplex puts Stan back in control and an elbow drop gets two. Hansen hits a headbutt and bulldog for two. He goes up for some reason but misses an elbow. Luger comes back with a dropkick and pounds away on the challenger.

Elbow drop gets two as does a suplex. Hansen comes back but shoves a referee which doesn’t draw a DQ for some reason. The Lariat misses but Luger hits a clothesline of his own. Here’s Dan Spivey, Hansen’s protege, to throw in the cowbell. Luger avoids that and bulldogs him down. He calls for the Rack but walks into the Lariat for the pin and the title.

Rating: C-. The match was a lot of punching and kicking, but to their credit they had Hansen win the title almost completely clean here. The weapon shot didn’t hit, Spivey didn’t touch Luger, the referee didn’t see anything at all and it was the Lariat that got the pin. Hansen would lose the title at Starrcade but this was a good surprise. The match was pretty dull though.

Teddy Long says nothing of note.

Missy Hyatt thinks Sid will win. I have no idea why she was here.

NWA World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Sting

Sid is a Horseman here. They talk some trash and Sid blasts him in the back, only to get caught by a cross body. Sid doesn’t go down, but puts Sting in a backbreaker instead. That gets no sold so Sting clotheslines him to the floor. Back in and Sid misses a clothesline, sending him up and over the top. Sid gets sent into the post and we head back inside. It’s a fast paced match so far.

Sting grabs the arm and cranks on it for awhile while we look at the crowd a bit. They go to the mat in a surprising move. Sid realizes how crazy it is to go to the mat when you’re almost seven feet tall and pops up with a clothesline to take over. JR calls Sid’s powerbomb (he was one of if not the first guy to popularize it in America) a version of a bodyslam. Another clothesline puts the champion down and gets a very delayed two.

Off to a nerve hold which is broken pretty quickly. Sting fights out of it but walks into a powerslam for two and it’s time for choking. Sting fights back again but misses the Splash in the corner. Sid hammers on him on the apron but Sting pops up to the top for a cross body, getting two. Sid takes him right back down and Sting goes out to the floor. Back to the apron and a forearm to the chest ala Sheamus gets two for Sid.

Sid goes back to the chinlock but the crowd is starting to wake up. Sting escapes but both guys miss elbows and it’s right back to Vicious in control. A bulldog out of nowhere put Sid down but Sid hits a big boot to send Sting to the apron. They fight up the ramp with Sting being left laying.

Sid goes to the ring and poses, so Sting charges, dives over the top, and takes the big man down. A dropkick puts Sid on the floor and Sting follows him out with a plancha. They fight into a convenient opening in the barricade as the Horsemen show up. Sid and Sting disappear but come back, only for Sting to pick Sid up for a slam, fall down and lose the title.

Rating: C-. The match was just ok with Sting doing what he could, but Sid’s offense was shall we say limited. He didn’t have the chokeslam yet for a secondary finisher so it was powerbomb or nothing. That being said, he never even tried for the powerbomb, which makes the ending kind of strange.

Oh and one more thing: that wasn’t Sting that got pinned. As Sid is celebrating and the fireworks are going off, Sting comes back with ropes around his wrist. He hits Sid with the belt, hits the Stinger Splash and hooks a small package to really win the match. The other Sting would be revealed as Barry Windham but it rally wasn’t that important.

Overall Rating: D+. This show isn’t the worst ever, but there really isn’t anything worth seeing. The Nasties match wound up being nothing, the Horsemen vs. Doom would be improved upon at the next PPV, the main event didn’t mean anything, and the rest of the card is pretty much worthless. The home video version, as usual, cuts down a lot of the awful stuff here and gives you a decent show. This isn’t a horrible show but there’s nothing worth seeing here.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: October 26, 1998
Location: Kohl Center, Madison, Wisconsin
Attendance: 10,220
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re another step closer to Survivor Sereis here and hopefully for Vince his month of terror ends. At the moment Austin is still fired so odds are we’re going to get some updates on his career options tonight. Also there’s a chance we’re going to get some of the brackets for the tournament at the PPV. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Vince and company to start and there’s a band setup in front of the Tron. Austin is here apparently and Vince holds him responsible for everything that happened last week. Vince doesn’t like the people and wants to know where they were when Austin was doing all this stuff last week. My guess would be they were here in Madison while Austin and Vince were in Milwaukee but maybe I’m missing something.

Vince goes over the stuff he was made to do last week, including ruining a perfectly good Armani suit. He’ll never forgive Austin for what happened last week. As for the letter that Austin gave him last week, it was a legal document. Austin better take stock of himself before he goes further. Austin pops up on screen and says Vince should take stock in adult diapers.

European Title: X-Pac vs. Steve Blackman

Apparently Chyna has taken a leave of absence from the company until her legal issues with Henry are over. The match is after a break and as we come back, Vince is telling his guys to look into the document that Austin gave him last week. He wants it broken. Blackman kicks Pac down to start and hits a side slam to put him down even longer. Off to the chinlock followed by a flying clothesline by Blackman. This has been a squash so far. Steve Regal comes out for no apparent reason and beats down X-Pac. The Outlaws come out and it’s a big brawl. The match is thrown out and was too short to rate, but it was nothing of note.

Vince is talking to his lawyers again and says they wrote the document so they can break it.

Cole is outside Austin’s locker room and we’ll hear from Austin after the next match.

Darren Drozdov vs. The Rock

I don’t see this being incredibly competitive. Rock is officially in the tournament. He takes Droz into the corner and pops him in the face to take over. Rock and those sideburns are so over it’s unreal. Droz armdrags him down and puts on an armbar, which has to be the highlight of his wrestling career. Sunset flip gets two for Drozdov until Rock realizes he’s The Rock and he’s facing Darren Drozdov. A low blow puts Droz down and they slug it out a bit. A powerslam gets two on Rock but a middle rope shoulder misses. Rock Bottom, Elbow, done.

Rating: D+. See, this is what you NEVER get anymore. This was a match for Rock to get on TV and get a win over a guy that has no business beating him. This doesn’t hurt Droz because he doesn’t mean anything and doesn’t lose anything by getting beaten up by Rock. Also, Droz got in some offense so it wasn’t even a squash. Can you imagine Cena doing this with say Titus O’Neal? Of course not.

Hawk gets left behind again.

Austin has been advised not to say anything tonight. “We” will have a statement later on though.

Vince’s meeting is over. Vince doesn’t get something apparently.

Here are the Outlaws for the celebrity appearance of the week. The band equipment was for Motley Crue who the Outlaws and Pac will perform with. They perform and that’s about it. The only wrestling related thing here is a bodyguard they have named Test.

Vince yells some more, talking about a contract and opportunities.

Kane vs. Gangrel

Kane is in the tournament also. Christian is at ringside and it doesn’t really mean much at all. Kane runs him over and is apparently popular now. Christian’s interference doesn’t do much good as Kane hits the top rope clothesline and the chokeslam gets the pin. Total squash.

Christian dives off the top at Kane but it only staggers him. He and Gangrel can’t do anything to slow Kane down but Edge makes it 3-1 and they get him down. Kane sits up and the group that would become known as the Brood runs.

Cole tells us that after the break, we’ll hear from the McMahon Family.

Here’s Austin who doesn’t know why Vince is so mad at him. He told the cops that the gun was a toy and he told Vince that there wouldn’t be any pain. Austin told Vince he wouldn’t feel anything and he didn’t, so maybe Vince should believe Austin when he says something. Or maybe he shouldn’t. Austin pulls out a paper which he says is a new contract, which guarantees him at least one world title shot. The only way he’s leaving is if he quits, and that isn’t happening.

Here’s Vince with his cronies who yells at Austin and says that Austin is in a match tonight whether he likes it or not. Austin points out what the fans are chanting at Vince which ticks Vince off even more. Vince closes his eyes and hates the way Austin got his contract, however that was. He talks about driving a wedge between something….and here’s Shane in the ring. Vince has no idea what’s going on but Austin hands Shane a mic and seems calm with it.

Shane says he doesn’t listen to Vince anymore and that he’s a stockholder in this company. He hired Austin back to get Vince’s attention. Shane goes into a huge rant about how nothing he ever did was good enough for Vince. It was always about Vince and how to get his ego stroked. Shane was always called Vince’s Boy instead of Shane and he’s sick of it. Shane is a man now and he’s no longer Vince’s Boy. Vince and Shane are both about to cry so Patterson hugs Vince. This was a big moment as this was more or less Shane’s national debut other than being a commentator on Heat.

Post break Shane is leaving and Austin throws him a beer.

Tiger Ali Singh vs. Godfather

Godfather runs him over to start and Singh runs to the floor. He sends Godfather into the barricade but gets his leg sent into the apron. This is much more a fight than a match. Back in and Singh works on the arm a bit but Godfather clotheslines him down. The move that would become the Ho Train hits Singh and but he comes back with a bulldog for one. Godfather dumps him to the floor and Babu gets shoved down. The referee goes down too and it’s thrown out.

Rating: D. For the life of me I do not get what they saw in Singh. The guy just wasn’t anything interesting at all and he was around for a few years. He’s the Million Dollar Man but the Indian version, which isn’t something I care to see at all. This was much more of a brawl than a match which is probably the best thing they could do here.

Oddities vs. Kai En Tai

This is an eight man tag with the Oddities being the ICP teaming with Kurrgan/Golga. Golga starts with I think Funaki, who is blonde here. Teioh comes in and gets crushed along with Funaki in the corner. Taka comes in as well and all three of them combine to get Golga down. Togo joins his partners and all four drop elbows on Golga before it’s off to Kurrgan. Violent J comes in and pounds on Funaki as the embarrassing part of the match begins. Everything breaks down and the Clowns double team Funaki and throw the referee down for the DQ.

Rating: D. The crowd popped for the Clowns but they always got on my nerves. They’re fine when they’re doing their JCP thing which is basically a big joke on the idea of wrestling, but when they’re taking up time on Raw to have fun imitating wrestlers, it gets annoying. The match was short though so it wasn’t that terrible.

Shamrock talks about his I Quit match tonight against Austin. He says he quits, and that’s the last time you’ll hear him say that tonight.

Marc Mero vs. Goldust

Goldust takes him down with a clothesline to start and pounds away in the corner. He hits a slingshot belly to back suplex for two but Mero gets in a low blow while Jackie offers a distraction. Goldust comes back and hits Shattered Dreams for the quick DQ. Not much here.

Post match here’s Sable to talk to Jackie even more. There’s a challenge for Survivor Series and I guess Jackie accepts.

Mankind is confident that he and Snow can win the titles tonight. They argue over whose prop is dumber.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Mankind

Mankind is in the tournament as well. Snow starts with Gunn and gets press slammed for his troubles. Off to Mankind who waves as he comes in. Road Dogg comes in with a wide variety of punches followed by the shaky knee drop. Snow cheats and I think dances on the apron. After a brief beating on the floor by Snow, Roadie gets sent back into the ring for Mankind’s Shake Rattle and Roll. It’s as ugly as you could imagine it as.

Double arm DDT looks to set up Socko but Billy breaks it up. The challengers fight over Head but no one swings it. Billy and Mankind go to the floor as Snow hits the Snow Plow on Dogg. The challengers argue over whether to use Socko or Head for the pin and it lets Roadie roll Snow up to retain.

Rating: D. This was another boring match in a long running series of them over the last two weeks. The ending was the usual swerve as one team was dominating and the other wound up winning on a fluke. Then again that could be the case for almost every Outlaws match for a long stretch of time.

Post match Henry and D’Lo run in to beat up the Outlaws.

Snow has Socko and Mankind has Head until they trade back.

Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Austin

This is an I Quit match, so if Austin loses he’s done. Shamrock is in the Tournament too, giving us four of the sixteen entrants. Austin doesn’t have his wrist tape which is a nice touch as he wouldn’t be ready to go here tonight. Shamrock jumps Austin as he gets off the ropes to take over quickly. Austin fights back and finally gets the vest off. Shamrock gets dumped to the floor and it’s time to fight.

Ken gets rammed into the announce table and choked by a cord as Lawler is freaking out. Shamrock comes back and they go into the crowd. That goes nowhere so they head back to the ramp with Shamrock still in control. Back inside and Austin is in trouble, being sent into the corner. Off to a chinlock which is quickly broken. There’s the Thesz Press but Brisco trips up Austin and gets beaten up for his efforts. Cue Mankind with the Claw on Shamrock and Austin adds a big chair shot to the head, giving Austin the win by knockout.

Rating: D+. These matches continue to be really dull. The I Quit aspect here was just a way to have Austin seem like he was in danger but it never got close to that at all. Like I’ve been saying with the majority of the matches lately from this time period: there’s not enough here to get me interested and the in ring stuff isn’t working at all for the most part.

The Stooges all get Stunners to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. These shows are suffering from the same problems they’ve been suffering from all year: when Austin and Vince aren’t on the screen, things aren’t all that interesting. Rock is still a work in progress and HHH is out with a knee injury. Other than that, there isn’t much going on here and it makes things less interesting to watch. The matches are just bad on top of that, with Russo being at his peak of insanity and bad endings. This would be the peak that would be made to look like 1986 AWA within a year of course but we’ll get to that later.

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Hell in a Cell 2013
Date: October 27, 2013
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re finally to the end of this PPV cycle as tonight is basically Battlefield Part II which doesn’t exactly sound like the most interesting thing in the world. The biggest idea tonight is we get to have a WWE Champion after all these weeks of the title being held up. The two Cell matches will see Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton for the vacant title and Paul Heyman/Ryback vs. CM Punk in hopefully the final blowoff to the Punk vs. Heyman feud. Oh and Cena is back too. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow

This is a replacement match after Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston for the Intercontinental Title was canceled earlier today due to Axel being injured. Sandow talks about being Mr. Money in the Bank and how Cena is coming to take Sandow’s future crown. The Spanish commentary is bleeding in over his promo. Sandow pounds him down into the corner to start as the Spanish commentary can still be heard. Kofi comes back with some kicks to the ribs and a jumping back elbow for two.

Damien is sent to the floor as we’re told about Langston getting a US Title shot against Dean Ambrose tonight to make up for losing the Intercontinental Title shot. Sandow rams him into the apron and takes Kofi back inside to pound away as we take a break. Back with Damien getting two off the Wind-Up elbow and putting on an abdominal stretch. Kofi counters into one of his own but Damien hiptosses his way to freedom.

Kingston avoids a charge in the corner and fires off some chops to take over. The Boom Drop connects but Trouble in Paradise misses. A top rope cross body gets two on Sandow as apparently Rey Mysterio is on Spanish commentary. Kofi gets two more off a slingshot dropkick and a slingshot splash but Damien grabs a full nelson slam, apparently called You’re Welcome, for the pin at 6:45.

Rating: D+. The match was nothing special but thank goodness Sandow actually has a decent finisher for a change. That neckbreaker wasn’t taking him anywhere and a full nelson slam is as good as anything else he could use. Also it’s nice to see him get a clean win for a change instead of losing for months on end.

As expected, the opening video is about how the Cell changes you and no one is ever the same after they step foot in it again. We also get some brief clips about the major feuds tonight.

Tag Titles: Cody Rhodes/Goldust vs. Usos vs. Shield

This would be Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns for the Shield and Cody and Goldust coming in with the titles. They beat Shield a few weeks back on Raw but the Usos were #1 contenders, so a triple threat solves everything at once. Goldust vs. Rollins gets us going with Seth being clotheslined down. It’s quickly off to Jimmy to face Goldust with a deep breath confusing the Samoan. Off to Cody to work on Jimmy’s arm and take him down with a release gordbuster for two.

Jimmy makes a blind tag to Jey who comes in with a quick rollup for two of his own, earning him a golf clap from Cody. Rhodes grabs a single leg and takes Jey into the corner for a tag off to Goldust but a quick double team by the Usos has Goldie in trouble. Roman Reigns tags himself in and pulls the legal Goldust out to the floor before taking him down with a jumping clothesline for two back inside. Back to Rollins who pounds away from the floor and hooks a front facelock.

Roman comes back in for a chinlock as the fans wake up for the first time in the match. Goldust fights up and gets a quick two off a backslide but Reigns elbows him down for the same. Goldust dives for the ropes but another elbow stops him for another two count and it’s back to Rollins who knocks Rhodes off the apron. A backdrop puts Seth down but there’s no one for Goldust to tag. He tries the Usos but Seth decks them as well, allowing Reigns to hit a release belly to back suplex for two as Cody makes a last second save. Nice sequence there.

Roman spends a bit too much time talking trash and gets caught in a quick powerslam from Goldust, allowing for the hot tag off to Cody. A missile dropkick puts Reigns down and a sunset flip gets two on Rollins. The moonsault press gets the same and Cody is all fired up. A Disaster Kick puts Rollins on the floor but Jimmy Uso makes another blind tag to go after Seth. Everything breaks down and Jey hits a HUGE die to take out Goldust and Roman.

Jimmy gets a VERY close two off a Samoan drop to Seth but Rollins sends Jimmy to the floor. Cody is back in now and they head up top, with Cody superplexing Seth onto everyone not named Jimmy Uso. That was AWESOME. Jimmy and Rollins head back in but it’s Roman with a big spear to take Jimmy down. Rollins hits the top rope knee to take out Goldust but Cody’s Disaster Kick is caught in a powerbomb, only to have Goldust make the save before Seth can drop him. A quick (and sweet looking) Cross Rhodes to Seth retains the titles at 14:40.

Rating: B. THAT’S HOW YOU START A SHOW! I get tired of seeing opening matches not do anything to fire up the crowd but when you take six talented guys and let them tear the house down like this, they’ve earned the THIS IS AWESOME chants they were getting. Perfect choice for the opener here and I can’t say I disagree with the result.

HHH and Shawn have a chat in the back.

Here’s a very sore Miz with something to say. He talks about how he was chained up and had the word “liar” written on his chest on Smackdown so he isn’t cleared to wrestle tonight. However he’s cleared to fight, so Bray needs to get out of his Cracker Barrel rocking chair and come get him. Bray pops up on the screen and says what sounds like a lullaby.

He says it pains him to see Hollywood (meaning Miz) like this, with nothing to lose. Miz’s words mean less than salt to Bray because Miz can’t see the monster behind Wyatt’s eyes. The lights go out and come back with the Family in the ring to beat Miz down. The fans chant for Kane…..and here he is! Kane clears the ring and chokeslams a grateful Miz because that’s how Kane rolls.

Summer Rae/Fandango vs. Natalya/Great Khali

This is a bonus match which was actually set up on Smackdown when the girls got in a fight to end a match between the guys. Before the match Fandango says he’s the true master of salsa dancing and we get a quick demonstration. The guys get us going with Fandango’s kick to the ribs being caught and the dancer being tossed down. Off to the girls with Summer getting two off a quick rollup and scoring with a nice dropkick.

Natalya easily takes her down and grabs an armbar but it’s quickly back to Fandango. That’s cool with Nattie though as she sweeps the legs to load up the Sharpshooter but Fandango bails to the floor. Khali easily pulls him back in, only to have his knee dropkicked out. Fandango stops to flirt with Natalya even more, allowing Khali to get back up and chop the skin off his chest. Back to the girls with Summer bailing to the ropes to avoid the Sharpshooter before grabbing a rollup to pin Natalya out of nowhere at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Summer wasn’t bad out there and certainly didn’t embarrass herself. Imagine that: having girls in NXT actually wrestle instead of have danceoffs and swimsuit contests makes them better in the ring. It’s a bonus match too so it’s hard to complain when the match isn’t too bad.

Tonight’s expert panel of Kaitlyn, R-Truth and Ziggler don’t have much to add.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Big E. Langston

As mentioned this is a replacement match for Langston after Axel was injured. Langston quickly runs Ambrose over for two before sending the champion into the corner for a running shoulder to the ribs. A backbreaker puts Dean down and we hit the bearhug by the power guy. Dean pokes the eyes to escape, sending Langston into the corner. Big E. easily backdrops Ambrose to the floor, possibly hurting the champion’s knee. Dean pokes him in the eye again to take over but his suplex attempt is easily blocked.

Instead he drapes Big E’s arm over the top and cranks away on it a bit before climbing the ropes and driving his knee into Langston’s face. The dropkick against the ropes gets two for Dean and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Langston fights up and hits a pair of clotheslines for two each, only to miss the Ultimate Warrior splash. Instead it’s a belly to belly for two on Ambrose and now the splash connects for the same.

Ambrose bails to the floor and tries to walk away, only to be caught with ease and dragged back to the ring. Back in and Dean hits a quick DDT for two and Big E. might be cut under the eye. Not that it matters though as he spears Dean through the ropes and back to the floor ala Edge to Foley at Wrestlemania 21. Dean doesn’t make it back in and loses via countout at 8:53.

Rating: C. I was liking the match until the ending, but there really wasn’t anything else they could do with this. Ambrose doesn’t seem ready to drop the title, so having Langston win without getting the title is the best way they could get out of this one. Langston definitely held his own out there and that’s a good sign. Rematch will be imminent I’m sure.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Ryback/Heyman vs. Punk. It was originally Punk vs. Ryback but Punk wanted Heyman and won a Beat the Clock challenge, earning him the right to pick the stipulation. His idea: a handicap match inside the Cell.

CM Punk vs. Ryback/Paul Heyman

And there’s no Heyman. Ryback gets in the Cell before pointing towards the entrance where Heyman rides out on a cart. It’s actually a lift which takes Paul up to the top of the Cell with Heyman talking about how he’s risen from the depths and ascended to the top of the world. The fans are all over Paul as Punk pounds away on Ryback and knocks him out to the floor. Now the fans chant for CM after he hits a suicide dive to send Ryback into the Cell wall. It’s kendo stick time but Ryback drives Punk’s spine into the steel to stop him.

Ryback blasts Punk with the stick and takes him back inside to beat Punk down even more. Punk’s back is targeted with a reverse waistlock before Punk fights free and low bridges Ryback out to the floor. A forearm off the top puts Ryback down again and it’s table time. Punk can’t get it set up though and Ryback suplexes him back first into the Cell wall. Back in and a belly to back suplex gets two more as we hit the reverse waistlock again. Punk fights out again and hits a spinning cross body for two followed by the running knee in the corner.

Some kendo stick shots drop the big man and there’s the Macho Elbow for two. More stick shots keep Ryback down and now the table is set up in the ring. It falls onto its side though, allowing Ryback to crotch Punk on the side. The Meat Hook is good for two but Punk hits him low to block the Shell Shock. Ryback lays on the table for no apparent reason, allowing Punk to drop another Macho Elbow for no cover. Instead a cane to Ryback’s head sets up the GTS for the pin at 13:55.

Rating: C-. If this had been a regular match it would have been fine, but it was inside the Cell which means it has a higher standard. Putting Heyman out of the match was probably the best idea, but there really wasn’t much to this that made me care. Punk beating Ryback in a hardcore match is nothing special, but it certainly wasn’t a terrible match. The Cell was a prop here though, which is what I hate about this show.

Post match Punk climbs up after Heyman while carrying the kendo stick. The beating begins and Punk wears him out before hitting the GTS to end the feud. Not exactly a huge spot but it’s as good as we’re going to get I guess.

Breast cancer is bad.

Daniel Bryan says all he’s wanted was a chance and hopefully Shawn Michaels will give him that. It was the night after Wrestlemania 28 in this very arena where the YES chants began so Bryan starts one for old times’ sake.

The announcers talk while Heyman is taken down and the Cell is raised.

Real Americans vs. Los Matadores

The Matadores are in blue tonight and Torito is now black, sending JBL into a conspiracy filled frenzy. Cesaro sends Diego into the corner to start but gets taken down by a hurricanrana. Diego is sent outside and it’s off to Swagger who takes out his leg to gain control. The announcers debate masked men who are heroes as Cesaro puts on a front facelock. A backdrop puts an invading Swagger on the floor but Cesaro kicks Fernando off the apron to prevent a tag.

There’s the Cesaro Swing to Diego, complete with the fans counting the revolutions. Even Cesaro is dizzy after 31 spins but Fernando makes the save at two. The hot tag brings in Fernando and things speed up a bit, only to see Swagger suplex Fernando down and put on the Patriot Lock. Fernando escapes and tags in the spent Diego who hits a double backbreaker for the pin on Swagger at 5:54.

Rating: D-. I hate this team. I just do and that is all.

Torito gores Colter post match because it was SO funny the first time.

We get the Cena rehab video because there’s no feud between these two.

World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena

After the big match intros we’re ready go to. They fight over a top wristlock to start and Cena immediately bails to the floor for safety. Back in and Cena hits a shoulder but it hurts the bad arm so he can’t follow up. Del Rio stomps him down in the corner but Cena comes back with a clothesline for two. Del Rio kicks away at the arm and gets two off a German suplex. Off to an armbar for a good while before a stomp to the chest keeps Cena in trouble.

A top rope forearm to the side of the head gets two for the champion and it’s back to the armbar. Cena finally rolls free to send Del Rio out to the floor and get himself a breather. Alberto comes back in and goes up, only to jump into a dropkick. Cena initiates his finishing sequence but the AA is countered into a Backstabber. Del Rio misses a charge into the corner, allowing Cena to hit a tornado DDT of all things for two.

The top rope Fameasser is broken up by a running enziguri but Cena ducks an attempt at a second one. Another AA is escaped and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two for the champion. Sandow is shown watching from the back. Del Rio puts Cena in the Tree of Woe but misses a charge into the post, allowing Cena to hit a high cross body for two. Alberto grabs a Codebreaker to the arm but Cena rolls through the cross armbreaker into the STF. Ropes are quickly grabbed though and a low superkick gets two for the champion.

Now the armbreaker goes on full but Cena rolls on top of Del Rio to block a lot of the pressure. Del Rio rolls down Cena’s elbow pad to increase the pressure but Cena lifts him up into the air for a powerbomb in a nice counter. Back up and the AA gives Cena his fourteenth world title at 15:13.

Rating: C+. This took awhile to get going but it wasn’t terrible or anything. Cena winning is the right choice as they can have the rematch next month at Survivor Series, which gives Cena something to do and keeps him out of the main storyline with the new regime and all that jazz. Del Rio losing is fine as it was just a matter of someone catching him eventually. This was fine and I have little problem with Cena winning. If nothing else it might pick up the world title’s credibility.

No Sandow.

More expert panel.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Brie Bella

AJ is defending. Brie gets shoved down to start and it’s off to a quick chinlock. The fans are noticeably not that interested in the match to put it mildly. A neckbreaker puts Brie down and AJ skips around the ring to the only reaction so far. AJ hooks a guillotine choke but Brie drives her into the corner and hits a middle rope dropkick to put the champion down.

A few more dropkicks have AJ in trouble but she sends Brie into the corner to stop her. The Black Widow is countered and Brie puts on a half crab as Nikki beats up Tamina. AJ makes the rope and Brie’s running knee hits her sister, allowing the Black Widow to retain the title for AJ at 5:20.

Rating: D+. THANK GOODNESS. It’s so nice to see the talented and popular wrestler get the chance for once instead of bowing to reality TV. This likely sets up the Bella feud which no one is interested in but will give us lots of moments to look at the camera for some very REAL heart to heart moments.

The Prime Time Players are playing WWE 14 when Bob Backlund of all people comes up, drenched in sweat for some reason. He thinks video games are a waste of time but Titus says the kids can play and become immortal. The result: Bob Backlund doing the Millions of Dollars dance. I’ve got nothing to add here, but more Bob Backlund cameos would be appreciated.

We get a long recap of Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan. They fought at Night of Champions with Bryan winning but being stripped of the title the next night on Raw. Battleground saw them fight to a no contest, so tonight it’s the showdown in the Cell with guest referee Shawn Michaels. Shawn trained Bryan but is best friends with COO HHH.

WWE Championship: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Inside the Cell with Shawn refereeing. Orton is introduced as the Viper for the first time in forever. HHH comes out as well to make the entrances stretch out even longer but leaves before the bell. The Cell is lowered. They slug it out to start but Orton takes over with a quick powerslam. Bryan comes right back with a quick necksnap and a missile dropkick followed by some kicks in the corner. There’s the moonsault out of the corner but Orton dropkicks a charging Bryan down for two.

Orton slowly stomps away before draping Bryan ribs first over the top rope. Bryan is knocked into the Cell wall and sent into the steps for good measure. Orton rams the head into the cage wall before Bryan reverses a whip to send Randy into the steps. Back inside now with Bryan getting two and firing off the kicks to the chest. Orton gets caught in the Tree of Woe for more kicks to the chest followed by a running dropkick to the face. Orton goes to the floor but sidesteps the FLYING GOAT, sending Bryan head first into the steel.

Back in and Orton loads up a superplex but gets caught in a nice sunset bomb to put both guys down. Shawn hasn’t been a factor at all yet. Bryan fires off more kicks but Orton comes back with right hands, only to have Daniel score with the running clothesline. There’s the Swan Dive for two and Orton’s rollup is countered into a YES Lock attempt. Ropes mean nothing here (actually keeping continuity for a change) so Orton has to crawl to the floor for the break.

Now it’s Bryan whipping Orton into the Cell walls over and over again before dropkicking Orton into the steel. Bryan finds a chair under the ring and pops Orton in the back with it before pulling out several more chairs to toss in the ring. He throws in probably ten chairs before using one to blast Orton in the ribs and back again. Back in and Orton goes to the eyes and picks up a chair for some shots and a two count.

Another shot to the back gets the same and Orton piles up the chairs in the middle of the ring. Bryan is loaded up into a superplex and you can hear the crowd gasp. Daniel punches his way out to prevent immense pain but Orton crotches him down. The superplex connects but only Bryan’s legs hit the chairs, meaning it’s only good for two. This brings HHH back out to say that was a three, giving us our DX moment of extreme emotions. Orton hits the t-bone suplex but Shawn is too busy arguing to count the pin.

More arguing ensues as Orton escapes the YES Lock again. The Elevated DDT connects for two and Shawn argues with HHH even more. Orton loads up the RKO but Bryan shoves him away, taking out Shawn in the process. HHH of course opens the Cell as Bryan hits the running knee, and since he’s in a referee shirt, the former world champion is knocked out from a single shot to the back. Bryan hits the running knee to an invading HHH but Shawn superkicks Bryan down, giving Orton the pin and the title at 22:22;

Rating: B-. Good match but you knew the screwy finish was coming. I liked that they actually cranked up the violence here with some nice weapon spots, but the ending sets up more drama, likely culminating soon. I can’t imagine Shawn fights Bryan in an actual match, but HHH vs. Bryan is likely coming soon. Good main event here but Bryan’s push is in severe pain.

Shawn leaves and Orton and HHH pose to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show was better than I was expecting which was a nice surprise. It certainly isn’t must see or even really all that good, but it feels like something happened here, meaning the show was actually important. That’s a major step up over the previous show this month so at least they’re moving in the right direction. We’ve got some new ideas set up going forward and the matches weren’t bad for the most part, so we’ll call this a nice effort with some decent results.

Results

Cody Rhodes/Goldust b. Usos and Shield – Cross Rhodes to Rollins

Summer Rae/Fandango b. Great Khali/Natalya – Rollup to Natalya

Big E. Langston b. Dean Ambrose via countout

CM Punk b. Paul Heyman/Ryback – GTS to Ryback

Los Matadores b. Real Americans – Double backbreaker to Swagger

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Attitude Adjustment

AJ Lee b. Brie Bella – Black Widow

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – Orton pinned Bryan after Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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One of two technically.Kane came out to save Miz from a beatdown and Rey Mysterio is doing Spanish commentary.  Good start to the show so far, other than Cole saying Kane debuted at Hell in a Cell.  Not quite Mikey.

Langston vs. Axel is off due to an apparent injury to Axel.  No word on if this is real or a story.  Also no word on a replacement match.

This is what selling TNA to a fan might sound like right about now.Dude you should totally watch Impact Wrestling.  They have this guy named AJ Styles who does the most awesome flips and dives and has the best matches in the world.

Potential fan: That sounds cool.  Which one is he?

Oh well actually he left after turning down money and a car and implied sex with a not terrible looking woman.  But he’s champion and the best in the world!

Potential fan: But I can’t see him?

You might be able to if you don’t mind listening to Spanish or Japanese commentary.

Potential fan: HUH?

Never mind.  Oh I know you’ll love this: TNA has this thing called the X Division which has no limits on it at all.  Everybody is all about leaving it all in the ring and giving everything they have to be champion.  They fly around and have to crawl across ropes to pull down a title belt.

Potential fan: Now that has to be cool.  When are they on?

Actually scratch that since they weren’t on TV this week because Impact needed more time to spend on the not bad looking older woman.  Wait I almost forgot the best part!  There’s this team called Aces and 8’s and they’re just like Sons of Anarchy and they ride on motorcycles and beat up everyone!

Potential TNA fan: I don’t watch Sons of Anarchy.

Uh……Oh there’s this guy there named EC3 who is just like Robert Griffith III.

Potential TNA fan: He’s my favorite player on my favorite team.  Ok so I need to look for the black guy named EC3.  He has to be cool.

Actually he’s white.

Potential TNA fan: But he’s more athletic than everyone else right?

…..not especially.

Potential TNA fan: He represents Washington DC though?

If the DC stands for Directly from Cleveland he does!

Potential TNA fan: Nicest guy in the company?

Actually he looks to be one of the new top heels.  He’s the nephew of the older lady who isn’t bad looking.

Potential TNA fan: …..is he recovering from knee surgery?

YES!  I can indeed assure you that he had his knee operated on last year and is at least mostly back to full strength!

Potential TNA fan: So to recap, you want me to watch a show where to see the best guy in the world I need to watch other companies, I should be a fan of Sons of Anarchy, the high flying dudes weren’t even on last week, the show is apparently dominated by a woman that isn’t that bad looking and there’s a guy who is supposed to be like RG3 because he’s the polar opposite of him?

……did I mention Sting is still there and Hulk Hogan might come back?  And Sting can almost bend over still!

The worst part: this isn’t meant as a parody.

ECW on TNN
Date: April 7, 2000
Location: Siegel Center, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Joel Gertner, Joey Styles

We’re getting closer and closer to Hardcore Heaven and while we don’t have anything announced yet, the main ideas are clearly there. The Network is a good idea and Cyrus is a great mouthpiece for the group. We’re just waiting on Heyman to show up to stand up for ECW which will blow the roof off the place. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey are in the ring for the opening and the limerick is almost entirely censored. Joey brings out Raven and Francine for the opening chat. He asks Raven why the bounty was put on Dreamer’s head but Raven says Joey is putting too much stock in the internet and dirt sheets because he’s innocent. Joey asks about Da Baldies saying Raven put the bounty on Dreamer’s head. Francine says she’s a baldie herself but she can’t show Joey where on TV. She also knows Raven didn’t put the bounty on Dreamer so Joey accuses her of doing it, earning a slap in the face.

Cue Da Baldies themselves to say that Raven did issue the bounty and accuse Raven of smelling of fear. Raven: “What you smell is your mom and that’s because I only had $10 on me.” You know that earns a beating for Bird Boy, presumably setting up a tag match of some sort later tonight.

The Sinister Minister recaps what we just saw, including telling us that Raven tells the truth even when he lies. The camera zooms out to show him controlling a marionette Mikey Whipwreck.

Opening sequence.

We go to the announcers so they can say we’re going to a break.

Steve Corino vs. Kid Kash

Corino, now in regular trunks instead of his singlet, grabs a hammerlock to start. Kash comes back with some armdrags and a dropkick before clotheslining Corino out to the floor. A HUGE corkscrew plancha takes Corino and Victory out as Joel regales us with stories of his days as a luchador. Back in and Kash chops away but charges into an elbow in the corner. Corino counters a backflip into a powerbomb for two and Jack Victory gets in a cheap shot to Kash’s jaw.

They head outside with the Kid being whipped into the barricade so Corino can gloat a lot. Back in and a great looking clothesline puts Kash down and a Dusty Rhodes elbow gets two. Kash takes Victory out with a baseball slide and snaps off a top rope hurricanrana to take Corino down. Victory comes in but gets dropkicked into the referee. Kash hits the Moneymaker (lifting Pedigree) but Rhyno comes in to Gore Kash, giving Steve the pin.

Rating: C+. Best ECW match in MONTHS. This is proof that ECW has the kind of guys that can put on an entertaining match without the hardcore nonsense, which makes that kind of stuff all the more annoying. This was a nice, back and forth match with two different styles working well off each other. See why that’s a good idea?

Big Sal says Guido will win the TV Title next week. Cyrus comes in and tells Guido the TV Title match will be a three way dance with Tajiri thrown in. The implication is Tajiri will lay down after Crazy is eliminated. Cyrus loves the idea of a young Italian champion. “It’ll be like Bruno in ’63.”

Cyrus pitches the idea of the three way dance to Tajiri, saying that Tajiri will win the title. “Imagine the young Japanese girl demographic!”

TV Title: Mikey Whipwreck vs. Super Crazy

Mikey grabs a headlock to start as Joel talks about Crazy only having two channels on his TV when he was younger. Crazy escapes the Whippersnapper (Stunner) and a headscissors sends Mikey to the outside. A top rope Asai moonsault misses and a superkick puts Crazy down. Mikey legsweeps Crazy into the barricade and drops him face first onto the same barricade for good measure. Back in and Mikey puts on an Indian deathlock of all things but lets Crazy go, allowing him to hit a middle rope moonsault for two.

Ten punches in the corner have Whipwreck in trouble but he forearms the champion down and drops a middle rope legdrop for two of his own. Joel: “How can that be a guillotine legdrop? Guillotines are French and Crazy is Mexican. YOU DON’T SEE HIM EATING A CROISSANT!” Mikey loads up a moonsault but gets powerbombed down, followed by a top rope Lionsault to retain the title.

Rating: C. This was your usual spotfest but again: WE DON’T NEED HARDCORE STUFF! This has been such a refreshing episode of the show with now two solid matches lacking the violent nonsense. Wins like these make Crazy look more credible as he came from behind and pinned a former world champion clean. Nothing wrong with that.

Post match Guido runs in to jump Crazy to set up their match next week. Tajiri comes in to knock out both guys.

Tommy Dreamer thinks the bounty is a joke and offers to double the bounty if anyone can actually get it done. He knows Raven did this and says if Raven can finally get off the pills, he’ll realize that it’s not Dreamer or his dad that did all this but Raven himself. There is no Raven without Tommy Dreamer.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Angel

Joel and Joey spend the entrances accusing each other of putting the bounty on Dreamer. Joey says he’s known Dreamer too long and Joel’s defense is he’s too cheap. Tommy says he needs some help so here’s Sandman to make it 3-1. Joel: “But is he sober enough to get to the ring?”

Sandman/Tommy Dreamer vs. Da Baldies

Dreamer busts out the barbed wire before we go to a break. Back with the brawl already underway and a replay of various violence from the break.

Grimes is slammed off the top, crotch first onto the barbed wire. Dreamer brings in a ladder and wraps the barbed wire around his arm for an elbow onto Grimes onto the ladder but only the ladder gets hit. Sandman is whipped into the ladder and Grimes pounds away with the kendo stick. DeVito talks trash on the mic and here’s Raven to make it 3-3. House is cleaned and there’s the Even Flow to DeVito for the pin. Not enough to rate but more Dreamer/Raven shenanigans makes my head hurt.

Dreamer and Raven stare each other down but here’s Mike Awesome to interrupt. He understands that these two have a problem with each other but it’s not for why they should. Awesome knows Raven didn’t put the hit out on Dreamer. Judge Jeff Jones grabs the mic and says he did it himself, cuing Awesome to take out Raven and Dreamer. There’s one epic heel alliance out of the way. Both guys are put through a table by Awesome.

Post hotline ad, Judge Jones talks about watching territory tapes and saw a lot of bounties. In short, he put one on Tommy because he thought it would be fun. Seriously, that’s it. Awesome grabs Jones and demands his payoff for taking out Dreamer, plus a bonus for taking out Raven.

Cyrus sucks up to the Impact Players and says they have the hottest manager in the business. Dawn Marie and Jason argue over who he meant.

Jazz rants about Dawn Marie for no apparent reason.

RVD is back next week and Rhyno promises to Gore him before slamming his own head into a wall several times.

Overall Rating: C. This show had the perfect balance to the hardcore violent stuff, decent wrestling, and storytelling that this show has been desperately lacking in recent weeks. I actually liked this and wouldn’t mind seeing more of it which might be a first. That being said, the bounty explanation was just stupid and felt like they threw it in there because they didn’t have another answer. However, it doesn’t really matter because something very big is about to happen which will change everything in ECW. Good stuff this week.

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