This was expected for awhile.  They don’t have a ton of options, but maybe they swap in Lashley and bring Bobby Roode back in to fill in a spot.  It’s the danger of the taping schedule but there’s not much else they can do.  Unfortunately this probably means more Eric Young as champion.

Today is someone who isn’t really a wrestler but has had enough matches to make an entry. It’s Easy E himself, Eric Bischoff.

I’ll be jumping over quite a bit as Bischoff doesn’t have a ton of matches to pick from.

There will actually be more stories here than usual as Bischoff didn’t wrestle often but it was a big deal when he did. We’ll start at Starrcade 1997, in a battle for control of Nitro.

Eric Bischoff vs. Larry Zbyszko

With Bret Hart as guest referee. This should have been Hall vs. Larry, as those two had been talking trash to each other for months. However, Larry only gets Hall if he beats Eric here tonight. If Eric wins, the NWO controls Nitro. Larry is in good shape here considering he’s 46 and hasn’t wrestled regularly in about five years. Bret checks them for weapons and we’re ready to go. Bischoff has the body of a 15 year old girl. He is however a black belt in karate so you can expect a lot of striking.

Bischoff hits a quick shot to Larry’s head and immediately celebrates. More strikes follow and Eric heads out to the floor for consultation with Hall. Back in and Larry hits some shots of his own and Eric is scared. Larry goes after him again and Eric hits a spin kick to the side of the head that knocks Larry down. That’s enough for Zbyszko and he charges at Eric and takes him down to the mat. Bret admonishes him for pulling Eric’s hair, so Larry puts on a sleeper and a headscissors, both of which are broken up for being chokes.

Off to a standing figure four but Eric quickly makes a rope. The damage is done though and Larry goes after the leg. Makes sense against a karate guy. Bret keeps Larry away from Eric and the announcers PANIC. Imagine that: a referee following the rules. Eric is sent into the steps and takes a brief walk around the ring. Back in and Bret blocks a right hand from Larry, allowing Eric to get in a kick to the head. Bischoff fires more kicks with Larry on the ropes, although Bret is fine with them.

Eric is starting to kick himself out though as the kicks are getting weaker and weaker each time. Now he fires rights and lefts in the corner as Larry is just covering up. Eric can barely move now and Larry shakes everything off. A suplex puts Bischoff down and Larry ties him in the Tree of Woe. Hall pulls something out of his pocket and loads it into Eric’s shoe, WITH BRET LOOKING RIGHT AT THEM. I mean, he knows what’s going on so why not LOOK THE OTHER WAY???

Anyway, Eric kicks him in the head with the loaded foot and the piece of metal goes flying. Bret isn’t supposed to see it, despite watching it fly through the air. Eric celebrates, so Bret hits both Bischoff and Hall before putting Hall in the Sharpshooter, which is Bret’s version of the Scorpion Deathlock. Larry chokes Eric for a bit and is declared the winner, presumably by DQ.

Rating: F. This was in the second to last spot on the biggest show of the year and featured the boss of the company who has no skill whatsoever in the ring. Larry did fine all things considered, but to waste this spot on this match and to waste BRET HART’s in ring debut on this match is absolutely ridiculous in every sense of the word.

Then in the summer of 1998, Bischof and Hollywood Hogan took over the Tonight Show, setting up a showdown tag match at Road Wild 1998.

Jay Leno/Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eric Bischoff/Hollywood Hogan

Thank goodness they don’t have another video package to set this up. The one good thing about this: Liz ROCKING some jeans and chaps. Leno is apparently here to defend his title as King of Late Night. Kevin Eubanks is at ringside. Leno throws water at Hogan and Bischoff on the floor to show how serious he is. Hogan and Page start (thank goodness) and we get the usual non-action headlined by a wristlock.

Page drives in the shoulders and hits a big right hand, knocking Hogan into a left hand from Leno. Hogan is sent to the floor and the ripped Kevin Eubanks sends him into the post. Leno leads a chant against Hogan and is at least into the match. Bischoff comes in and Jay tries to go after him but gets held back. Page shrugs off some kicks to the chest and it’s off to Leno. Bischoff runs away to Hogan and Jay stays in. He points at his chin and makes fun of Hogan’s baldness which is about what you would expect. Leno avoids a pair of right hands and tags in Page.

Hogan clotheslines Page down and it’s back to the driving shoulders. Leno comes back in to grab the wrist and in one of the most painful things I can remember seeing as a wrestling fan, Hogan sells it. He wouldn’t sell for Sting at Starrcade but he’s selling for Jay Leno. Hogan shoves him into the corner and drives in a knee but Leno grabs the wrist again. A double clothesline puts Hogan down and Leno gets two before nearly collapsing into a tag to Page. Ok to be fair to Leno, he did his job and was actually trying. Points for that.

The wrestlers head to the floor and Eubanks steals a chair from Hogan to keep Page in control. Back in and Bischoff gets in a kick to the back of Page’s head to change momentum. Bischoff gets in his shots to make himself feel important before Hogan gets in a shot with a foreign object to give Eric a two count. There’s the big boot but Page gets up before the legdrop and takes Hogan down with the discus lariat.

Leno gets the hot tag and we get the showdown with Bischoff…..who drops Leno with a poke to the eye. Jay comes back with a low blow and some right hands before sending Bischoff into some buckles. Leno is totally gassed and everything breaks down. Hogan hits Bischoff by mistake and Eubanks hits a very good looking Diamond Cutter on Bischoff to give Leno the pin.

Rating: D. Of course that’s on an adjusted scale. This match wasn’t horrible but it was incredibly stupid. Again I’d like to reiterate that Leno did his job to the best of his ability. He did his comedy stuff, took a few shots from Hogan and got the pin on Bischoff. He was bad, but you knew that was going to happen as soon as this was announced. As for the booking, there were a bunch of other ideas they could have gone with here and this was probably the worst possible outcome.

You could have gone with the Battle of the Billionaires idea with Leno backing Page against Hogan in a singles match and done the showdown with Bischoff that way. You could have swapped in Goldberg for Page and done Goldberg vs. Hogan II with the same Leno vs. Bischoff outside stuff. Do that and put Page in the battle royal to get Goldberg’s next challenger. You could have done any of those things and gotten a better result, but it wouldn’t be WCW if they had gone that way.

Here’s one of Bischoff’s most famous moments. Back in 1998, Bischoff suspended Ric Flair for missing a Thunder taping and the fans were LIVID. After about four months of chanting WE WANT FLAIR, Bischoff allowed him to come back for possibly the best moment on Nitro. They argued for awhile and this is the result. From Starrcade 1998.

Ric Flair vs. Eric Bischoff

Bischoff immediately heads to the floor but Flair gets his hands on him against the barricade. The beating is on quickly and they head inside for some choking in the corner. There’s the knee drop to the head and a right hand, which Flair says is for his wife. Ric goes after the knee in the corner but Bischoff gets in a kick to the head that knocks Flair all the way to the floor. He sends Flair into the barricade as Tony gets in the semi-infamous line about how anyone that follows tournament karate knows that Bischoff is a force in that sport.

Flair is busted open as Eric hammers away in the corner. Ric Hulks Up but another kick to the head puts him right back down. It’s nothing that a low blow won’t stop though as Flair takes over. Two more low blows put Eric in the corner and Ric chops away before shoving the referee down. Shattered Dreams has Bischoff screaming and a pair of suplexes make it even worse. The Figure Four goes on but here’s Curt Hennig to nail Flair with an object, giving Bischoff the pin, thereby killing the audience deader than dead. I mean they go SILENT.

Rating: F. For failure. That’s what this match was: a complete failure. This match went against the basic idea of wrestling: the villain runs his mouth and then gets beaten down by the hero at the end of the day. How does this help anyone other than Eric Bischoff? It ticks the fans off, doesn’t make the villain look right, and makes Flair look stupid. That’s fine once in awhile, but it’s the problem for WCW: the hero almost never got his day. It was always a screwjob of some form and the hero was supposed to fight another day. Eventually the fans got tired of waiting though and these moments stopped meaning anything.

As for the match itself, there’s really no logic to it either. Bischoff had WAY too much offense here as a single kick was enough to knock Flair all the way out to the floor. Last year Larry Zbyszko was staggered by some of his kicks but didn’t go out to the floor as a result. The heart attack angle was mentioned in passing by Tony and nothing more, making that almost entirely pointless. But hey, people think Eric Bischoff is a tough guy so everybody is happy right?

And from the next night on Nitro.

Ric Flair vs. Eric Bischoff

Flair being in power for 90 days vs. all of Flair’s possessions. There’s no Bischoff though as we see him in the back saying no way. Eric comes into the arena to get to an exit but the Horsemen are waiting in his limo to carry him to the arena. Nice move. The bell rings and Flair hits Bischoff low before chopping away in the corner. There’s another low blow and some choking as the referee counts especially slow. Not that it matters as Flair throws Charles Robinson down anyway.

The NWO tries to run in but the Horsemen are waiting for them in the aisle. Flair drops some elbows as the Horsemen cut off another group of NWO guys. The Giant finally comes out as the Horsemen are busy fighting and a big headbutt drops Flair. Anderson, Booker T., Konnan and Page come out as a JACKED Randy Savage and a good looking blonde come out in Black and White gear. It’s a swerve of course as Savage hits Giant low and clotheslines him to the floor. Flair suplexes Bischoff down and slaps on the Figure Four to become the boss for three months.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t a match but the angle worked very well. This felt like a big moment and a game changer for WCW. That being said, the question should be obvious: why in the world did Bischoff need to get the win at Starrcade? Either have this match last night or have it be a no contest of some sort. This moment taking place is fine, but how many people remember this compared to Bischoff getting the win at Starrcade? This felt like running back to fix an error and it worked to a degree. However, a lot of the damage was already done due to the fans feeling like they had been punched in the stomach the night before.

We’ll jump ahead over a year for a story that was used to promote the movie Ready to Rumble. From Thunder on April 26, 2000 and the match that ended WCW for good.

WCW World Title: David Arquette/Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eric Bischoff/Jeff Jarrett

Page is champion coming in and the winner of the fall gets the title. Bischoff brings out his wife Kimberly as the referee, even though she hates Page at the moment. The brawl is on with the expected pairings and Bischoff beats up Arquette. Back in the ring and Page puts Jarrett down with something off camera but Kimberly breaks a nail instead of counting.

A sitout powerbomb gets the same result, but Kimberly counts very fast on a Jarrett rollup. Bischoff comes back with a smile on his face and the heels take over. Arquette comes back as everything breaks down. Page kisses Kimberly in the corner to freak her out as David spears Bischoff down for the pin and the title via a second referee. I’m getting out of this one as fast as I can.

Rating: F. Nothing more to say.

Since WCW was dying, why not give Bischoff a Hardcore Title shot? From June 5, 2000.

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Eric Bischoff

Ernest Miller comes out to kick a chair into Funk’s face for two. Bischoff plays with knunchucks but Funk comes back with a trashcan to the wrestler. He uses it as a shield from the knunchucks before blasting Bischoff in the head. Miller and Eric try to leave but Funk chases after them.

At this point a five minute segment between Kimberly and Miss Hancock took place so we’ll skip over that until the match continues.

Funk wheels Bischoff out in a wheelbarrow as Russo and the Mamalukes are watching in the back. Russo sends them to the ring as Funk is threatening to take his tights down. Thankfully the Mamalukes hit the ring to destroy Terry and put Bischoff on top for the pin and the title. No rating of course but Hancock looked good in between at least.

Then WCW died because of stuff like Arquette as champion so Bischoff went to the WWE. His first match there was on Raw, February 17, 2003 against an old rival.

Eric Bischoff vs. Jim Ross

Bischoff breaks some boards and a watermelon before the match to show how awesome he is. JR comes to the ring in his announcing clothes and Eric makes it no holds barred because he can. He looks at Morely as he says this to really hammer in the idea. Lawler is really worried but of course he stays seated.

Bischoff does some karate poses but gets punched in the face. Morely comes in to beat JR down and puts a cinder block against Ross’ head so Bischoff can kick it in half. This finally brings Lawler down to take Morely down, but a Bischoff distraction lets Morely take the King down. JR is busted open. More kicks put Ross down and Bischoff covers him with a half nelson for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling. I’m not sure what it was, but it wasn’t wrestling. I’d like to point out that we’re spending the last segment of a show showing how Eric Bischoff could be a threat to STEVE AUSTIN. At least with Vince he would have some major backup, but Eric is going to have who? Morely? That’s supposed to be intriguing?

And now, the match that was setting up, from No Way Out 2003.

Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff

Ross comes out for this and is WAY too happy about this match. Eric tries to say that we don’t need to have this match but gets drowned out by glass shattering. The pop isn’t the same but it’s still there. This is his first appearance in like 8 months or so, meaning this is indeed a big deal.

Eric is on his own here. He tries to talk more but Austin beats the tar out of him. We hit on the Austin couldn’t draw argument that Bischoff made in 94. What a shock that young and talented guys like him and Foley were run off and replaced by Beefcake and Duggan when Hogan showed up. The Raw roster is enjoying this it seems.

Austin is borderline ripped here. Mudhole is stomped and it’s of course all Rattlesnake. Eric goes to the eyes and gets his kick to the chest no sold. To the floor for some more pounding as this is exactly what you would expect it to be. Stunner for Bischoff but Austin pulls him up twice. Another Stunner and again Austin pulls him up. The third Stunner does it. Austin does his usual schtick afterwards.

Rating: N/A. Not really a match but short enough to not really be that bad. The idea was to have Austin look like he’s awesome again which is fine but considering his last match would be at the next PPV it’s not like it meant much.

In August 2003, Bischoff got on Vince’s nerves and earned this punishment on August 11, 2003’s Raw.

Eric Bischoff vs. Kane

Eric lays down, gets lifted up for a chokeslam, dropped down with ease, and Kane walks out for the countout at about 30 seconds.

Here’s a slightly better match from Summerslam 2003.

Shane McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Before the match, Eric implies that he screwed Linda several times over that night. This brings out Shane to send Eric into the corner for a beating. Crossface punches send Bischoff to the floor but Shane clotheslines him in the back of the head. Back to ringside and Shane breaks the referee’s count (sidebar: why doesn’t that happen when both guys are on the floor and one guy slides back in at the last second?) before kicking away at Shane even more.

Bischoff is sent into the announce table and stomped down, only to have Coach come in with a chair and turning heel by helping Bischoff. The referee says ring the bell but Bischoff makes it No DQ and falls count anywhere. Shane is sent into the steps for two as Coach is playing the enforcer here. He holds Shane as Bischoff tells the production truck to turn off JR and King’s microphones so Coach can do commentary.

Bischoff starts firing off kicks as Coach does the eternally annoying JR impersonation. This keeps going for awhile until Shane gets in a right hand, only to be dropped by a low blow from Coach. Cue Steve Austin who can’t fight unless physically provoked. Shane shoves Coach into Austin which is enough for the beating to begin. Austin and Shane stomp Coach down in the corner and clear the ring. Austin has the mics turned back on as Shane grabs Eric’s hand and uses it to slap Austin’s face, meaning Austin can Stun Bischoff. That’s not good enough or Shane so he puts Eric on the table for the big elbow for the pin.

Rating: N/A. This was a long segment instead of a match. Also to recap how stupid things were at this point, we’re supposed to be interested in Austin/Shane vs. Coach/Bischoff when Austin has equal power to Eric. We also have Stephanie vs. Sable, because EVERYONE wants to see the McMahons dominating the show. This is in addition to Evolution dragging Raw down the drain with the Kevin Nash and Goldberg feuds. See why 2003 is considered so bad?

Here’s a match that would have made a million dollars in 1998 but we got it on Raw, February 24, 2004.

Vince McMahon vs. Eric Bischoff

Austin is guest referee just to make it more awesome. Bischoff is in his karate gear and offers a handshake. Vince shakes his hand and proceeds to beat the tar out of him with knees to the ribs. Eric fires off some kicks to little avail but Austin breaks up a Vince choke in the corner. The boss slaps Austin and earns a right hand, allowing Bischoff to tee off with kicks. The fight heads to the floor and we get the real point of the match: Brock Lesnar sneaks in and F5’s Austin for the no contest.

It turned out Bischoff had a nephew that was, shall we say, special. Eric verbally abused him for a long time and a match was made at Taboo Tuesday 2004.

Eric Bischoff vs. Eugene

The stipulation will be announced after the match. Bischoff is Eugene’s uncle for your explanation. Eric uses the power of martial arts to start which makes sense to anyone who follows tournament karate, according to Tony Schiavone. He feigns injury and kicks Eugene in the head. It’s Hulk Up time and there’s an airplane spin. The big boot and legdrop ends this.

Rating: N/A. Dang Eugene was over at this point. Even I loved him.

Loser Wears a Dress 21%
Loser is the Winner’s Servant 20%
Loser is Shaved Bald 59%

Oh dear. This would be the end of Bischoff’s black hair. Coach tries to talk Eugene into accepting the servant thing for five minutes. And here’s Vince, apparently interested about something. Dang Nick Dinsmore played that character to perfection. Vince says that the crowd has spoken so the shaving is happening.

Eugene does the cutting and Bischoff’s face is great. Coach gets put in the dress for no apparent reason. Vince tells him to take his shirt and pants off. I honestly wonder how many other men he’s said that too over the years. The mannequin the dress was on has balls. Vince: “Button that dress up! Don’t be a sl**!” Vince sees the gray roots of the hair and has a field day with it. He totally steals the show here and it’s great.

Bischoff would be Raw GM for the better part of ever. John Cena came to Raw in 2005 and since it’s WWE, they tried to make it Vince vs. Austin. Here’s Bischoff’s required title shot on Raw, October 3, 2005.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Eric Bischoff

Angle is here with Bischoff. This was at a period where Batista was the biggest star in the company but Cena was on the rise. At this point, Cena was still pretty much a guy just barely not in over his head. He would grow up a lot over the next six to eight months and become the John Cena that we all know today.

Eric’s kick is countered and remember that it’s No DQ. Cena never takes his eyes off Angle. Angle tries to interfere and Eric gets in some kicks. There’s the Shuffle but Kurt comes in. The Slam is countered but the FU is broken up by a low blow. Angle misses a chair shot and hits himself by mistake. FU ends this clean. This was like two minutes long.

What Bischoff collection is complete without this disaster from Survivor Series 2005?

Eric Bischoff vs. Teddy Long

Yes this is real, yes it’s happening on PPV, yes we’re supposed to ignore Bischoff being a martial arts expert from WCW and thing Teddy might have a chance in a straight fight, and yes this is going to SUCK. Teddy has some network consultant with him named Palmer Cannon who never lasted long. They’re both GM’s if that wasn’t clear. Teddy poses a lot on the corner and we haven’t had any contact after a minute. Teddy dances a bit and Eric misses a kick. There’s more dancing and no contact still.

We do the exact same thing AGAIN before Eric chokes Teddy with his sash. There are two referees in there for no apparent reason. Eric chokes away but Teddy takes off his shoe and whacks Eric in the head. Bischoff goes to the throat to stop Teddy again…..and here’s the Boogeyman. If you’ve never seen him, picture Darth Maul from the first Star Wars prequel if he ate worms. He sneaks up on Eric and lays him out with a pumphandle slam, giving Teddy the pin.

Rating: S. Six minutes. This match took SIX MINUTES. The WWE owes me six minutes of my life back. John Cena vs. Kurt Angle for the WWE Championship can only get thirteen minutes but this gets SIX? Who in the world thought this was a good idea? At least it went by….no actually it didn’t go by fast. This won worst match of the year and I can’t argue at all.

We jump WAY ahead to TNA now for a pair of matches from the Immortal days, which really need no introductions. We’ll start with Impact on May 19, 2011.

Generation Me vs. Matt Hardy/Eric Bischoff

No entrance for Gen Me.  Matt vs. Jeremy to start us off and Matt uses his size advantage to take over.  Gen Me speeds things up as is their custom and work on Matt’s arm.  Matt takes over for a bit but since it’s more or less a handicap match, Gen Me takes over again with double teaming.  Poetry in Motion to Matt and Jeremy takes him down with a spear.

Matt fights back but both guys do down.  Matt wants a tag and Bischoff freaks, allowing Jeremy to hit a frog splash to Matt’s back for two.  450 attempt eats knees as we’re told that Foley and Hogan will be here next week.  Ice Pick, that double underhook chokeout by Matt has Max out cold so Bischoff comes in for a kick and the academic pin at 6:07.

Rating: D. The match sucked and the burial/elimination of the X Division continues.  I’m not complaining, but at the same time is there a reason that on a show about the rebirth of wrestling to have Eric Bischoff get a pin?  The match itself was bad on top of that but I’ve seen worse.  The Bucks using high spots is always a plus.

From Lockdown 2012.

Lethal Lockdown

Team Eric: Eric Bischoff, Gunner, Bully Ray, Kazarian, Christopher Daniels
Team Garrett: Garrett Bischoff, AJ Styles, Mr. Anderson, Rob Van Dam, Austin Aries

I was worried this would close the show so this is a nice surprise. This is TNA’s WarGames match and if Garrett’s team loses, he’s out of TNA. If Eric’s team loses, he’s out and can’t use his name in wrestling again. Three minute opening period then two minutes for each one after that and Team Eric has the advantage. Gunner and Garrett start of course and it’s power vs. speed.

Garrett tries to avoid the power but after a missile dropkick, Gunner takes over by running him down. Into the corner and Gunner hits a running knee to the head. No pins or submissions until all ten are in remember. He rams Garrett into the steel and Bully Ray is out next for a two minute advantage. Gunner holds him for a running boot to the chest. This is pure dominance for about 90 seconds until Austin Aries is in fourth. The fans were cheering his name so they’re giving the people what they want.

Aries EXPLODES on Ray in the corner and gets in some shots on Gunner as well. At about a minute in he runs into a boot and Ray takes over. Garrett stays in the corner where he belongs as Aries, the actually good wrestler, does the work. A missile dropkick puts Ray down and Kazarian, with a nearly shaved head, is in next. The fans chant that he looks stupid and it’s a three on one beatdown of Garrett. Gunner chokes Aries as Kaz fires off kicks to the ribs of Garrett.

AJ evens things up as this is in classic WarGames formula already. Kaz tries to meet him coming in but AJ slams the door on his head. Pele takes Gunner down but Ray runs him over. Sweet dropkick takes Ray down and everyone pairs off. Here’s Daniels for another advantage. It’s 4-3 at the moment and Daniels gives Team Eric the big advantage. Ray pulls off his belt and Garrett takes a whipping.

Anderson is the fourth guy for his team so there’s just Eric and RVD to go. It’s the heel beatdown again but AJ manages a nice suplex on Ray. Now back to your regularly scheduled beatdown with thirty seconds to go before Eric comes in. Here’s Eric in business casual attire. He holds Garrett for a big chop from Ray and Gunner gets in one as well. Eric and Daniels talk trash as the clock counts down.

Here’s Van Dam and he cleans house. There hasn’t been a lot of that in this match so far. There hasn’t been much to commentate on because it’s been 17 minutes of punching and kicking so far. That’s what these matches usually are so it’s not a shock, but it’s still not that interesting. Eric hides in the corner and here come the weapons. The match basically resets here as everyone gets a weapon and Team Garrett takes over.

Daniels takes a bunch of weapon shots and Aries stomps away on Ray. Eric gets dragged in by AJ and Austin and the beating commences. Van Dam loads up the Five Star but Gunner crotches him. Ray lawn darts Aries into the cage but Anderson comes back with a swinging neckbreaker to Daniels. Kaz gets the spotlight now as he beats up everyone before focusing on AJ.

Kaz monkey bars across the top of the cage but AJ follows him and kicks him down. He drops an elbow down on Kazarian and RVD hits the Five Star. Ray takes Van Dam down but picks up a chair. YOU DON’T PICK UP A CHAIR IN A ROB VAN DAM MATCH! Van Daminator puts him down but Daniels pops up to take Van Dam out. Daniels goes after Garrett but Garrett hits his falling Diamond Cutter.

He covers Daniels but Eric grabs a kendo stick to pound away on him. Eric insults his own wife by calling Garrett an SOB and beats Garrett half to death. The fans want blood. Eric is the only one up at the moment. Garrett pops up and guitars Eric for the pin at 26:04 to get rid of Eric for I’d say three months or so. That was completely out of nowhere.

Rating: C-. This was probably the worst Lethal Lockdown I can ever remember. There was A LOT of punching and kicking and no big spot at all. Also the whole thing here was supposed to be about Garrett’s big comeback but really all he did was pop up after a bunch of kendo stick shots, hit Eric once and pin him. Naturally that probably means more TV time for Garrett because that’s what the fans are screaming for in Eric’s ears, but that’s life in TNA. Getting this out of the way first was a good idea though.

It was this or Barry O. What do you expect me to do? Bischoff isn’t a wrestler, but somehow he’s had multiple World Title shots, a title reign, and several wins over Hall of Fame caliber wrestlers. Funny how that works isn’t it?

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 12, 2014
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Slammiversary and the big story is of course a war between Dixie Carter and MVP because where would we be without the focus being on Dixie? The problem with Impact’s taping schedule rears its head again tonight and this weekend though as MVP is injured and may not be able to go on Sunday, so everything tonight may mean nothing at all. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video narrated by MVP, talking about how he’s risen to power.

Here’s Eric Young in gear to open the show. Young says this Sunday is the biggest match of his career but he wants to say something to the trio in person. MVP comes out and explains that he and Dixie don’t see things the same so Eric has MVP’s undivided attention. Eric is ready for Sunday but MVP says he’s still half man and half amazing, so after he takes the title on Sunday, Eric can go back to fishing.

After the plug for Young’s fishing show, Eric asks that Sunday be a fair fight. MVP likes the idea but he can’t guarantee that Lashley and King can control themselves. Young says he has no problem with losing a fair fight, but getting beaten down three on one isn’t wrestling. He’s willing to do anything to make sure it’s even on Sunday and MVP likes the sound of that.

Young can pick the stipulation on Sunday, if Eric can beat all three of them in one night. King says Eric couldn’t beat two of them but Eric is ready to try. MVP is willing to give Eric a break and says Eric can pick the stipulations if he wins 2/3. The deal is made and it’s Lashley up first.

Eric Young vs. Bobby Lashley

Eric hammers away to start but gets drilled with forearms in the corner. A backdrop puts Bobby down but Eric comes back with a running forearm that appeared to mostly miss. Young avoids a charge in the corner but does a Flair Flip into the sliding sunset flip. Lashley will have none of that though and launches Eric to the floor.

Eric is sent into the steps and comes up holding his back. Lashley is no idiot and puts on a torture rack followed by an over the shoulder backbreaker. Young punches his way out and nails a nice dropkick before stopping a charging Bobby with two boots in the corner. He jumps off the corner into the Dominator powerslam though and Lashley gets the pin at 5:11.

Rating: D+. Basic match here and I already don’t like the booking here. Young went from fresh to pinned clean in less than six minutes three days before a PPV title defense. You have Young beat King before this match and then have him lose to Lashley to protect him and get the same result. Why is that so hard?

Lashley goes after Young again but Samoa Joe makes the save.

Willow says he’s bruised but not broken. He’ll turn the tide tonight because patience is on vacation.

Eric Young can’t stand up but says he has to go back out there.

Samoa Joe says this is the latest sign of a problem with MVP.

Here are Bram and Magnus in street clothes with something to say. Bram talks about how Magnus was treated so badly and turned into someone Bram didn’t know. Magnus says he and Bram are unstoppable and they’ve made Jeff Hardy so scared that he’s gotten a new identity. Willow comes out and says he’s from Jeff Hardy’s Imagin-I-Nation and says he goes where Jeff can’t.

Willow vs. Magnus is set for Sunday and Willow says they’ll (as in himself and someone else) will celebrate. Bram: “You and Jeff Hardy? YOU’RE THE SAME BLOODY PERSON!” Willow admits that he’s Hardy and says someone will be in his corner on Sunday. Bram asks who and it’s Abyss, who comes out to clean house.

Ethan Carter III says his aunt isn’t here tonight but he’ll take care of the family business. They’re the Carters after all.

Robbie E. vs. Knux

The comedy story continues as Robbie is terrified of clowns, including Crazy Steve at ringside. Robbie hits on Rebel but The Freak easily chases him off. Robbie’s right hands are stopped by a Steve distraction, allowing Knux to hit a nice running cross body. E. comes back with a nice middle rope clothesline but DJZ and Steve get in a horn off. Knux splashes Robbie in the corner as the Freak takes care of the other Bro Mans. Back in and a nice Sky High pins Robbie at 3:09.

Rating: D+. Not much to see here but that Sky High was really nice, as was Rebel. At the end of the day, the division needs challengers for the Wolves but one of the few teams is being wasted in this comedy feud. To be fair though, the Bro Mans are comedy characters so what else do you expect?

Post match Steve attaches balloons to Robbie’s back to freak him out.

EC3 and Spud are talking in the back when Brooke returns. She doesn’t say anything but she returns.

Ethan and Spud are in the ring with three chairs set up. Ethan brings out Brooke as he plans on exposing the past sins of Bully Ray. He asks Brooke if she was in a relationship with Ray and asks why it’s over. Carter accuses Ray of being an alcoholic and trying to put Brooke through a table but Brooke denies it. Spud says he can’t deal with this anymore because he has the results. Apparently Ray IS the father, even though Brooke hasn’t had a baby. Spud produces pictures of Ray next to an angry looking kid but Ethan is annoyed. He threatens Brooke until Ray comes out and runs them off.

Before he deals with Carter and Spud, Ray wants to apologize to Brooke. He treated her horribly despite her being an amazing girlfriend. Now Ray is in a better place in his life and wants to wish Brooke the best. They hug and Ethan sounds like he’s gagging. Ethan and Ray argue for a bit until Ethan challenges Ray to a tables match on Sunday, because Ray is putting Dixie through a table over Ethan’s dead body. Ray loves the idea of a dead body and starts a chant about it, but he’ll decline the tables match. Instead, since we’ll be in Carter Country in Dallas, let’s make it a Texas death match. Ethan says it’s on.

MVP tells Kenny King to keep focused out there tonight.

Kenny King vs. Eric Young

Second match in Young’s 2/3 challenge tonight. Young gets armdragged down to start and his back is already bothering him. They head to the floor with the champion in even more trouble. Back in and Young shoves him off the top, only to get slammed down for his troubles. Young avoids a springboard Swanton Bomb and nails the piledriver out of nowhere for the pin at 5:12.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have time to go anywhere and the outcome was already completely clear. I still don’t get why this wasn’t in another order, but it’s TNA so this isn’t the biggest problem that they have to deal with. It also doesn’t help that the fans are already sick of seeing the same people over and over again and now they get to see the same guy three times in one night.

Eric says he’ll keep fighting.

Brittany vs. Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim

Winner gets Angelina on Sunday. Brittany and Madison double team Gail to start but Madison won’t high five her. Gail dropkicks both of them to the floor and does it again through the ropes. Cue the Beautiful People as we take a break. Back with the Beautiful People on commentary and Madison hitting a headsicssors on Gail, followed by a slow motion victory roll for two. Gail puts a leg choke on Brittany but gets caught in a cross armbreaker by Madison.

That makes Gail let go of her hold but she rolls Madison up for two. Kim goes up top but gets caught in a double superplex (with her thankfully kicking off the post to make it easier for them) to put all three down. Madison nails Brittany but gets sent to the floor as a result. Gail puts Brittany in the figure four around the post as the Beautiful People come out to ringside. Kim runs Brittany over as Angelina distracts the referee. Velvet sprays Brittany in the eyes by mistake, allowing Gail to hit Eat Defeat for the pin at 10:09.

Rating: D+. This gives us I believe the 284th title match between Angelina and Gail. That’s the problem with the entire Knockouts division as a whole: it’s the same core group of about five girls having the same feuds and the same matches over and over and over with only occasionally someone jumping into the division, getting a title run, then leaving it back to the core group. Just please find a new direction for the next 8 years so I don’t have to watch the Beautiful People vs. Gail/Madison again.

MVP is talking to Brian Hebner and says it’s going to be a fair main event.

We run down the PPV card. The only added match is King vs. Aries.

MVP vs. Eric Young

If Young wins he gets to pick the stipulation. Lashley and King jump Young in the aisle before the bell and we take a break about five seconds after the match starts. Back with MVP staying on Young’ sback and putting him in a camel clutch before just letting it go so he can get two off an uppercut. A wicked powerbomb gets two and a buckle bomb sets up the running boot to the face in the corner for a close two on the champion. MVP grabs a chair to sit in and talk some trash but Young is starting to get up. Instead MVP picks up the chair to blast Eric in the back for the DQ at 10:14.

Rating: C. The match made sense and at least they didn’t give it a clean finish. MVP being the cocky heel makes sense and going after the back as much as he did makes even more sense, but I’ve over this feud already. MVP almost has to win the title on Sunday, if nothing else to end this over done Eric Young title reign.

MVP says pick whatever stipulation you want and poses with the belt. The trio leaves and Young makes it a cage match to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was significantly better than most of their previous shows but it still had its issues. First and foremost, WAY too much Eric Young, which is another incarnation of the same issue they’ve been having time after time now: too much of the same idea, meaning that if you don’t like that one idea, there’s no need for you to watch the show. The stuff they had wasn’t terible and it set up the payoff at the end well enough, but I don’t really want to see Young for a fourth time in three days.

Other than that, the show wasn’t that bad and they did a good job of setting up the show on Sunday. That’s TNA in a nutshell: the payoff is usually decent, but man alive is it hard to get through the buildup. The wrestling was pretty standard tonight, but a lot of angles were advanced and you can see the logical matches coming on Sunday.

However, a five match card with a comedy match, a Knockouts three way and then three Eric Young matches (including the World Title match three days before the pay per view) doesn’t do it for me, especially when there were so many people (Aries, Anderson and Storm to be exact) that didn’t get any time tonight. Also the X-Division is having a multi man ladder match on Sunday and wasn’t mentioned at all here. That’s TNA for you: they do some ok stuff, but it’s at a bad expense of other stuff.

Results
Bobby Lashley b. Eric Young – Dominator
Knux b. Robbie E. – Sky High
Eric Young b. Kenny King – Piledriver
Gail Kim b. Brittany and Madison Rayne – Eat Defeat to Brittany
Eric Young b. MVP via DQ when MVP used a chair

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NXT
Date: June 12, 2014
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Rich Brennan, Alex Riley, Renee Young

The main story coming out of last week is we’re going to get Kidd vs. Neville II after Adrian successfully defended the title at Takeover. Other than that last week was pretty much just a placeholder show until we get to the next big show around here. Even last week’s relatively meaningless show was fine though and that’s a nice thing to say about a promotion. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video of Tyson Kidd failing to win the NXT Title and thinking of himself as Natalya’s husband rather than a superstar. Then he lost and wouldn’t shake Adrian’s hand, only to request and receive a rematch last week.

Opening sequence.

Bayley/Paige/Emma vs. BFF’s

Charlotte takes Emma into the corner to start but gets shouldered in the ribs and caught in a sunset flip for two. Back up and Emma slaps the champion in the face so Charlotte drags her back into the corner for a tag off to Banks. Summer looks annoyed at not getting the tag. Charlotte is back in less than fifteen seconds later but Sasha trips up Emma to slam her face first into the apron. Emma is in trouble and we take an early break.

Back with Summer holding Emma in a chinlock before mocking the Emma Dance. Charlotte comes in again with a figure four neck lock to keep Emma in trouble. Another tag brings in Sasha who gets rolled up for two but Emma still can’t make the tag. The BFF’s make some switches in the corner sans tags as Renee seems to like Summer’s legs. All three keep taking their shots on Emma as this has been totally one sided so far.

Sasha hooks a chinlock but Emma is quickly up and avoiding a charge into the corner. The hot tag finally brings in Bayley to clean house, including a belly to belly for two on Charlotte. Everything breaks down and Charlotte gets two off a bridging rollup on Bayley. Summer accidentally distracts Charlotte though, allowing Bayley to grab a rollup for the pin at 8:50.

Rating: C. This was fine but I’m surprised Paige didn’t get in there to clean house a bit. Bayley getting the pin sets her up as the next challenger while also advancing the feud between the BFF’s. I love it when booking is able to cover that many things at the same time and it’s hard to do for some reason anymore.

A masked man was signed to a contract earlier in the week. He Bolieves he’ll make a great impression. JBL seems to know something is up.

The BFF’s are freaking out in the back when Alexa Bliss comes up and asks for a match with Charlotte. The champ tells her to go away which Bliss interprets as a yes.

Colin Cassady vs. Sylvester LeFort

Cassady throws him around to start but LeFort goes after the knee to take over. The fans chant USA and Colin comes back with some loud shots to the ribs. Cassady nails Sylvester again and hits the S-A-W-F-T boot and the East River Crossing gets the pin at 2:26.

Natalya says she can be out there with Tyson tonight but Kidd thinks it’s about him instead of her. The wife isn’t pleased.

Aiden English is singing about how no one knows the trouble he’s seen when a guy with a mustache comes up and offers to shake his hand. The guy won’t talk, walks off screen, does something that amazes Aiden, and comes back with a piece of the set over his shoulder. Ok then.

Sami Zayn vs. Mr. NXT

He’s the masked man from earlier and it’s clearly Bo Dallas, down to the entrance and running around the ring. Apparently he’s a Mexican gold medalist in wrestling. Sami rolls his eyes at this but gets caught in a headlock. Mr. NXT celebrates and draws a dueling YOU CAN’T FOOL US/YES HE CAN chant. Some armdrags drop the masked man and now Sami celebrates a bit. Mr. NXT comes back with elbows and says he is NOT Bo Dallas. The Bodog is countered and Sami rips the mask off to reveal Bo. Fans: BO LEAVE! The Helluva Kick gets the pin for Sami at 4:06.

Rating: C. Comedy match and there’s nothing wrong with that. Bo is great at wanting back in NXT because it’s his life and it’s totally different from his run on Raw and Smackdown. It’s also nice to see Sami get a win over a big name instead of coming so close and then losing at the last minute.

Sami brings out security to eject Dallas but he tries to run away, only to finally get caught. Bo grabs a mic and says he’s being kidnapped. They get outside and Bo runs away again, threatening to call the real police. Bo is finally taken out after a break.

NXT Title: Tyson Kidd vs. Adrian Neville

Tyson is challenging and we get big match intros. Feeling out process to start with both guys gaining and losing quick control. Tyson grabs a top wristlock before taking him down to the mat for a hammerlock. Neville speeds things up and backdrops Tyson to the floor for a big crash. There’s the flip dive from the champion for two back inside and now it’s Neville cranking on an armbar.

We take a break and come back with Tyson holding a chinlock and drawing a NATTIE’S HUSBAND chant. Neville fights up but is quickly backdropped for two and it’s back to the chinlock. Back up again with Neville getting kicked in the ribs, only to come back with an enziguri. Adrian goes to the apron but gets kicked in the head as well, allowing Tyson to hit a top rope flip legdrop with Adrian in the ropes for three, but Adrian’s foot is in the ropes, as pointed out by Natalya (looking stunning all dolled up here).

Kidd ties him up in the Tree of Woe for some knees to the ribs and a running dropkick to the face. The Sharpshooter goes on but Neville crawls to the ropes. Kidd gets kicked in the head but still manages to break up the Red Arrow. The Blockbuster gets two so Kidd drops a top rope elbow for another near fall. Kidd is very frustrated so he goes outside and gets a chair. Natalya takes it away, allowing Neville to kick his head off and hit the Red Arrow to retain at 14:35.

Rating: B. This was a totally different kind of match than they had at Takeover and it still worked very well. This was much more about Kidd going to further and further extremes to win the title and getting caught when he went too far. Very good match here and it told a totally different story.

Natalya consoles her husband to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Set up stories one week, pay them off the next week. That’s wrestling storytelling at its finest and that’s all you need to do a lot of the time. The fact that the wrestling was good on top of all that makes things even better. The Bo Dallas stuff was funny as usual and the whole show just worked. Totally fun hour of wrestling TV.

Results
Bayley/Paige/Emma b. BFF’s – Rollup to Charlotte
Colin Cassady b. Sylvester LeFort – East River Crossing
Sami Zayn b. Mr. NXT – Helluva Kick
Adrian Neville b. Tyson Kidd – Red Arrow

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Time for the best looking Hart. Today is Natalya.

Neidhart got her stars in the early 2000s and wrestled in the indies and Japan. I’m not sure when this is from but it seems to be from before Natalya was in developmental. From Japan.

Amazing Kong vs. Nattie Neidhart

Nattie bounces off of her twice in a row before the third attempt puts Nattie down. She starts thinking though and dropkicks Kong’s knee. The effect is limited so Nattie kicks away, only to have Kong run her over with ease. They head outside and into the crowd with Nattie literally begging Kong for mercy. Kong suplexes her on a platform before taking her back to the ring for a lifting Pedigree.

She misses a middle rope splash though and Nattie takes her down with a Fameasser for no count. A spinning backfist gets one on Nattie but she comes back with a release German for a close two. Kong actually gets powerslammed for two more and a hurricanrana gets the same for Nattie. The Amazing one shrugs it off and hits a wicked sitout powerbomb and a hard clothesline for the pin.

Rating: C-. Natalya was just outmatched here and the power was too much for her to overcome. This was a really physical match though with both girls beating the tar out of each other for a few minutes. That being said, the brawling part out in the crowd felt really out of place and brought things down a bit.

Natalya would head to WWE in the latter half of the decade, debuting on Smackdown on April 25, 2008.

Natalya vs. Cherry

Cherry is a chick from the 50s and has Michelle McCool in her corner to oppose Natalya’s second, Victoria. Cherry looks scared to death to start. Natalya easily takes her down and puts on a chinlock with Cherry in big trouble. Some slaps in the corner tick Cherry off so she slaps Natalya right back, only to have the Canadian go after the knee to take over again. Natalya cranks on the leg (Cole: “Apparently it’s a submission hold!”) but Cherry makes a rope. Cherry comes back with a bulldog for two but gets slammed out of the corner. The Sharpshooter gets the easy submission from Cherry.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as Cherry wasn’t exactly a great worker. Natalya looked like a killer though and that’s the right idea for a debut match. She would get better when she was in there with some better opponents, but this wasn’t a terrible way for her to make a debut.

Natalya would be successful very quickly and would make it to the finals of a tournament for the first Divas Title at Great American Bash 2008.

Divas Title: Michelle McCool vs. Natalya

This is for the inaugural title and there’s probably some stupid tournament that set this up. Michelle takes her to the mat and speeds things up. Natalya takes over and hooks a surfboard but Michelle counters (impressively so) into a heel hook attempt which is countered. Nattie hooks the Sharpshooter but Michelle gets the ropes. A second attempt is countered into the heel hook and Michelle wins the title.

Rating: D. The joke here was that hopefully Michelle enjoyed the Undertaker semen that came with that belt. I’m not sure how much anyone cared or if anyone on the planet that didn’t work for WWE thinks there was a need for another female title, but they unified it…eventually, as in like two years later.

Natalya would be in an elimination match at Survivor Series 2008.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall
Michelle McCool, Victoria, Maria, Maryse, Natalya

Beth is the captain of Team Raw and McCool is captain of Team Smackdown. They’re also Women’s and Divas Champions respectively. Santino is here with Beth because awkward romances are funny right? Mickie has her signature look down now and is very bouncy. For the sake of simplicity, only Michelle McCool will be referred to as Michelle. Beth and Michelle start things off with Beth controlling via a top wristlock. Michelle uses some decent chain wrestling to set up a dropkick to send Beth backwards a bit.

Maryse tags herself in and gets in a brawl with her own partner Michelle. Team Raw: “LET THEM FIGHT!” After the brawl is broken up, it’s Beth vs. Maria with Maria avoiding a charge and hitting a slow motion headscissors. Off to Kelly vs. Maria and hopefully this doesn’t last long. Victoria tags herself in and gets caught in a rana by Kelly for the pin. Kelly tries the same thing on Maryse for two so Maryse hits a backbreaker and gets the pin.

It’s 4-4 now if you’re keeping track and Mickie comes in while swearing a bit. A Thesz Press puts Maryse down and it’s off to Michelle again. They try to bridge into a backslide, fail miserably, and try again to a standoff. McCool hits a Russian legsweep for two and Mickie hits a clothesline for the same, but Maria’s save hits McCool on the save, allowing Mickie to hit the jumping DDT and pin Michelle. Mickie gets in an argument with Beth and gets rolled up by Maryse to tie it right back up.

Off to Candice vs. Natalya and they trade some rollups for two. Natalya busts out a Sharpshooter (it is the Survivor Series after all) but Jillian makes the save. Candice hits a spear for a quick pin on Natalya and it’s 3-2. For those of you keeping track, it’s Jillian, Beth and Candice vs. Maria and Maryse.

It’s Jillian vs. Maria with Jillian getting two off a Samoan Drop. Maria grabs a quick victory roll to eliminate Jillian and ten seconds later, Candice hits a northern lights suplex to put Maria out. Maryse hooks an inverted figure four on Candice and we’re down to one on one. Maryse gets in a few shots and a rollup but the Glam Slam gets the final pin very quickly.

Rating: D. As decent as last year’s was, this felt like your traditional Divas match. You had some decent workers but most of the girls are models who are there because of how they look in swimsuits. I’ve seen worse matches and the right choice was the survivor, but this just didn’t work for the most part.

We’ll jump ahead a bit to September 4, 2009 and a Smackdown tag match with a backstory that doesn’t make a ton of sense.

Maria/Eve Torres vs. Layla/Natalya

Apparently this is the fallout from a six person tag last night where Eve had Natalya beaten but Tyson Kidd cost her the fall. Nattie and Maria start things off. I don’t know if it’s my thing for redheads or what but Maria has always been gorgeous. Layla distracts Maria and Nattie takes her head off with a clothesline to take over.

Off to Layla who hooks her reverse Tarantula and hits a shot to the back of Maria for two. The evil ones (Layla/Natalya) take turns beating up Maria until it’s finally off to Eve. She comes in and fires off some kicks before getting kicked in the face by Layla for two. Everything breaks down and eve hits a cartwheel into a moonsault to Layla for the pin.

Rating: C-. I say this a lot but it’s amazing how much more interesting the girls used to be like a year ago. I can’t quite put my finger on it but they come off as much stronger and more serious characters here instead of the girls today where they come off as cute and perky. The older ones come off as serious and tougher and more like wrestlers than Divas, which is a good thing.

In 2010, Natalya would be placed in her most famous team: the Hart Dynasty, as she managed and wrestled with David Hart Smith and Tyson Kidd. They would be in a six person tag at Fatal Four Way.

Hart Dynasty vs. Usos/Tamina

When did this stop being a tag title match? Whatever. The Usos have beaten Goldust and Mark Henry. Oh joy. The women start us off. The Usos are a nice idea as they’re Samoans that aren’t savages. You know, because Rikishi and Rock were SAVAGES. Jimmy Uso sounds like Jimmy Olsen. This is better than the previous match, but why not a tag?

To be fair the girls can wrestle here so it’s harder to complain here. Jimmy Snuka was pushed to the back allegedly. Uh, yeah. He was pushed to the back of HULK HOGAN. That’s not discrimination. That’s basic intelligence in booking. Tyson is playing Ricky Morton here Everything goes all messy as Tyson hits a nice dive over the top. Oh and Natalya is in vs. Tamina. Tamina misses a top rope splash which Natalya was up before she jumped for but whatever. A discus lariat ends it for Natalya.

Rating: D+. Not bad here but it’s pure filler. I would have gone with the tag titles on the line here but it could certainly be argued that the Usos haven’t won enough to get a title shot yet which is true. This wasn’t horrible though but it belongs on Raw instead of here on PPV.

Natalya would soon enter a feud with Laycool over the Divas Title. She beat up McCool, then she beat up Layla, then she had a chance to face both of them at once for the Divas Title at Survivor Series 2010.

Divas Title: Laycool vs. Natalya

I miss Laycool’s entrance, if nothing else for how they look in the shorts. Laycool are the co champions here as both have belts in a story that wasn’t that interesting in the first place. The champs have to tag here and it’s Michelle to start. Natalya takes it to the mat early on and Michelle actually takes over with the amateur stuff. Off to the hometown heel in Layla who distracts the referee so Michelle can pull Nattie onto the floor.

Back in and Natalya supelxes both chicks at once but her back is hurt in the process. Michelle blasts her in said back on the floor, but Natalya shoves Michelle over the barricade. They all brawl at ringside for a bit before Natalya and Michelle head into the ring. McCool gets rammed into Layla and the Sharpshooter gives Natalya the title.

Rating: D. Here’s this whole feud in a nutshell: Natalya beat up Layla, then Natalya beat up Michelle, then Natalya beat up both of them at once. This wasn’t much of a match but it’s the kind of breather that you have to give the fans before you get to the big stuff later on. Laycool would be around for a few more months, but once they split they fell off the face of the planet all of a sudden.

Natalya would defend the title on Raw, January 24, 2011.

Divas Title: Melina vs. Natalya

Melina is shrieking early and knocks Natalya to the floor very early.  Natalya is in trouble and Melina locks on a Full Nelson using her legs while sitting on the mat.  That’s a new one on me for sure.  Natalya stands up and rams Melina in the corner and fires off some forearms.

She pulls back for a big right hand but Melina drills her to take her down.  Melina tries a leg lock but Natalya grabs the legs and pulls into a Sharpshooter, wrenching back on it so hard that she’s laying on her back.  There’s the easy submission at 2:45.  Too short to grade but that submission was great.

She would lose the title six days later so we’ll jump ahead to August 30, 2011 on Smackdown when Natalya had hooked up with Beth Phoenix as the Divas of Doom.

Natalya/Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly/Alicia Fox

Aksana is guest ring announcer which is supposed to be connected to her hitting on Teddy. So Alicia is a face now? Nattie vs. Kelly to start. Kelly looks like the victim of a bubblegum accident. Cold tag to Alicia and after some offense from her, the Glam Slam takes care of this at 2:00.

Natalya would pop up on NXT on April 4, 2012.

Natalya vs. Kaitlyn

New music for Kaitlyn and Kidd is on commentary. Nattie takes her down and Kidd says there’s nothing going on with them. Bridging rollup gets two for Natalya. I think Natalya is a face here but I really have no idea. Kidd admits that he isn’t a Hart, which ticked him off when McGillicutty rubbed it in his face weeks ago. Natalya works on the arm and uses more holds on whatever part of the body she picks. Kaitlyn’s first offense is a cross body but Natalya laughs it off and the Sharpshooter gets the submission at 3:30.

Rating: C-. This was a squash for Natalya as she picked apart Kaitlyn with ease. I’m so glad they’ve dropped that idiotic gimmick she’s been using for the last few months as she’s very talented and can make even someone like Kaitlyn look good. I’m still not sure if she’s a face or a heel though, but I doubt WWE has put any thought into it either.

Natalya would join a comedy group with Hornswoggle and Great Khali, including this match on Smackdown, January 25, 2013.

Natalya vs. Rosa Mendes

Epico, Primo, Horny and Khali are all on commentary here. Rosa takes Nattie down to the mat with a headscissors as JBL makes short people jokes. A hair pull puts Natalya down again and it’s off to a modified bow and arrow hold. Primo asks if we can focus on the match instead of JBL’s WWE.com show as Rosa gets to the rope to avoid the Sharpshooter. Rosa dances in the ring so Horny dances on the table. The distraction is enough for Natalya to hook the Sharpshooter for the submission at 2:46. I think this was supposed to be funny.

Natalya would chase Divas Champion AJ for a long time, including this match on Smackdown, June 20, 2013.

AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Non-title. Natalya immediately takes AJ down but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Instead she puts on a strange looking leglock where Natalya’s knees are between AJ’s knees and stretching them apart with both girls on their backs. AJ makes the rope and puts on a quick sleeper…..as we take a break? In this match? Back with Natalya getting two off a snap suplex and a clothesline. Natalya shouts that AJ has no respect but AJ counters a slam into the Black Widow for the pin at 2:20 shown of 4:50.

Then Total Divas happened so we got a match as a result of jealousy over the show’s storyline at Summerslam 2013.

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

This is the Total Divas match with Nikki, Eva Marie and the Funkadactyls in the corner. Feeling out process until we get to the catfight stuff, culminating in Brie having to bail from a Sharpshooter attempt. Eva and Nikki pull the ring skirt down to send Natalya to the floor, allowing Brie to take over. The fans chant for JBL and then Lawler as they completely turn on the match. Brie cranks on Nattie’s arm as the fans want tables.

After a faceplant it’s right back to the hold as this match is dragging three minutes in. Natalya makes a quick comeback and puts on the Sharpshooter but Brie kicks away and no sells the pain. The girls get in a brawl on the floor and we’re in the third use of the SAME hold. Someone get Fit Finlay back in this company immediately. The fans are chanting for Ryder as Natayla hits an Alabama Slam and the Sharpshooter gets the tap out from Brie at 5:20.

Rating: F. This was HORRIBLE with both girls looking bad. The Divas are horrid right now other than AJ and occasionally Layla but these reality “stars” are getting TV time because people like to see them argue and be insecure. Natalya is good in the ring but she can’t work a miracle with a model out there. Horrid match and they need to win the crowd back immediately.

Back to the Divas Title hunt at TLC 2013.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Natalya is challenging. AJ takes her down to start with a headscissors before Natalya reverses into an armbar. A low dropkick has Natalya in trouble so she heads outside, only to be distracted by Tamina, allowing AJ to send her face first into the apron. Off to a chinlock by AJ followed by a spinwheel kick to the jaw. Natalya comes back and sends AJ into the corner, only to get caught in a nice guillotine choke.

The blonde powers out and hits a basement dropkick to the face followed by some clotheslines. Some suplexes set up the Sharpshooter and Natalya brings her back to the middle of the ring, only to have AJ kick free. The Black Widow goes on but Natalya rolls out, breaking it for the first time. A clothesline puts AJ down again but another Sharpshooter attempt is countered into a small package for the pin at 6:42.

Rating: C. There were some nice false finishes in there but I’m over Natalya challenging for the title. AJ has completely cleaned out the division except for Tamina, setting up the showdown whenever they go that way. I’m sure we’ll hear about AJ vs. Total Divas again though, because just beating them about five PPVs in a row isn’t enough proof of who is better.

And one more time from Main Event on March 11, 2014.

Divas Title: AJ Lee vs. Natalya

Nattie made champion AJ tap in a non-title match on Snackdown to set this up. Before the match AJ says she’s bored due to the lack of competition here, but worry not because she’ll beat Natalya again tonight. After some big match intros, Natalya takes it to the mat to start with a headlock. A rollup sends AJ crawling for the ropes and it’s right back to the headlock.

Natalya does the Owen Hart counter to escape a wristlock before cranking on Lee’s leg. AJ gets into the ropes again as they’re in very slow but deliberate mode to start here. Back up and Natalya cranks on an abdominal stretch with the leg lifted as well. AJ slips out but gets dropkicked to the floor as we take a break. Back with AJ getting two off something we didn’t see before putting on a chinlock.

That doesn’t last long as Nattie fights up and tries a slam, only to be countered into the guillotine choke. Natalya can’t slam her down to escape and gets clotheslined down for two. It’s time for the skipping around the ring followed by another wicked clothesline. A running dropkick puts the champion down but she kicks Natalya over and over in the corner to take over again. Back to the guillotine which transitions into a sleeper but Nattie throws AJ down.

The blonde makes her comeback with clotheslines and a hard slam for two of her own. AJ grabs the Black Widow out of nowhere but gets slammed down into Sharpshooter position. That gets countered as well into a cradle for two but the second attempt gets the hold on. Nattie doesn’t sit down on it that well though, allowing Lee to crawl over to the ropes. Tamina gets on the apron and the distraction lets AJ nail the Shining Wizard, setting up the Black Widow for the submission. The referee calmly telling her to “tap whenever you’re ready” hurt the scene a bit.

Rating: B-. The match got a bit repetitive at the end but it’s a good sign that two girls can have a seventeen minute match and make it work this well. The idea of AJ being a better technical wrestler but getting caught by the power worked really well, as did the ways AJ could contort and bend out there.

We’ll wrap it up with Natalya in the finals of a tournament to become NXT Women’s Champion at NXT Takeover.

Women’s Title: Charlotte vs. Natalya

This is a tournament final for the vacant championship. Charlotte has a remixed Ric Flair theme song and it’s really not working. After some big match intros, we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start as the legends play cheerleaders. Natalya takes her down by the arm but gets caught in a headscissors. Back up and Natalya grabs the headlock as well. That goes nowhere either so they fight over wristlocks until Charlotte grabs an armbar.

Natalya does the Owen Hart roll out and grabs a leg lock to take over. Back up again and Natalya takes her right back down with another leg tie. Charlotte reaches around to grab a chinlock which goes into a front facelock. They hit the ropes for a bit with Natalya countering a wheelbarrow slam into a cradle for two. Natalya grabs a body scissors but Charlotte rolls to the ropes to avoid a cross armbreaker.

Charlotte gets tired of submission stuff and slaps Natalya in the face. A BIG chop puts Natalya down and Ric loses his mind going WOO. Natalya tries a sleeper but gets caught in an over the shoulder Stunner for two. Charlotte slams the Canadian’s face into the mat over and over before choking in the corner a bit. Off to a figure four headlock complete with Madison Rayne’s face ram into the mat.

Back up and it’s off to an abdominal stretch on Natalya, albeit not a very good one. Natalya reverses into a much better one and even grabs Charlotte’s leg for good measure. Charlotte rolls out and hits a low dropkick for two. Natalya fights back with power and a low dropkick of her own, followed by a whip into the corner for a Flair Flip. They head outside with Charlotte whipping Natalya off the apron by the leg. Back in and Charlotte goes up, only to miss a moonsault.

A discus lariat gets two for Natalya and the Sharpshooter goes on, but Charlotte rolls out and puts on the Figure Four. Natalya somehow reverses the pressure without turning the hold over and Charlotte crawls to the apron. She falls to the floor with the hold still on and both girls are in trouble. Natalya is sent knee first into the steps and it’s back inside for a bad Sharpshooter (complete with a glare at Bret) but Natalya rolls through, only to be kicked away from the Sharpshooter. Charlotte hits Bow Down To The Queen out of nowhere for the pin and the title at 16:55.

Rating: B+. Who would have thought THIS would be awesome? Charlotte has somehow become awesome in like two months and more than held her own out there. It was hard to imagine Natalya winning here but it was still an absolutely awesome match between two wrestlers who happen to be girls.

Natalya is one of the many Divas who is talented but has to deal with a lot of pretty lame challengers. She’s the wrestling Diva for the most part but occasionally gets to showcase her looks. That’s one of the things that drives me crazy about Total Divas: Natalya is treated like the old maid of the show despite being 31 years old and gorgeous. It’s life in the WWE and unfortunately a lot of life in general.

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I…..I don’t know how to handle this.

No one is going to miss Mahal. Drew…..are we still OUTRAGED over his loss to Hornswoggle a few weeks ago? It was such an outcry that I can’t remember if it’s over yet. Referee Mark Harris is released as well. This is a big day so far.

The hits are coming fast and furious today.  So far the following are gone:-Evan Bourne
-Brodus Clay
-Yoshi Tatsu
-Camacho
-Teddy Long
-Curt Hawkins
-Aksana

Most of these aren’t huge shocks as Bourne, Tatsu, Camacho and Hawkins haven’t wrestled a meaningful match in forever.

Aksana…..is anyone going to miss her? SHe’s been on TV recently but it’s not like anyone is going to care.

Teddy has been around FOREVER but hasn’t meant anything recently.

Brodus is surprising as he had potential but they kept screwing up his monster push.

I’ll let you know if anyone else is gone. Also, so much for the news reports saying the company doesn’t release people anymore.

Today we’re heading north to Canada for Earthquake.

Earthquake got his start in sumo but had to change over to professional wrestling due to his tattoo on his arm. He got started in 1987, including this match from AJPW on June 8, 1987.

John Tenta/Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Road Warriors

Animal press slams Jumbo about three second after the bell but Tsuruta comes back with a lariat before the fight heads outside. Back in and the Road Warriors take over with Hawk hammering away. Tenta comes in off the tag and Hawk can’t knock him around, so we get a big fat man slam instead.

Hawk dives into a bearhug followed by a belly to belly for two. A double clothesline puts both guys down and Hawk brings in Animal, only to have him get double teamed. Tsuruta puts on a leg lock but it’s quickly back to Hawk for a leg lock on Jumbo. That goes nowhere so it’s back to Animal for a powerslam on Tenta, followed by a Rocket Launcher to give Hawk the pin.

Rating: D+. For a rookie, Tenta didn’t do half bad out there. The match wasn’t anything to see unless you’re interested in seeing the Natural Disasters vs. LOD with a much more talented guy subbing in for Typhoon. Granted that wouldn’t be too hard to do. All the leg locks were weird to see if nothing else.

Earthquake would go to the WWF soon after this and start literally squashing everyone in his path. One of his first pay per view matches was at Wrestlemania VI.

Hercules vs. Earthquake

Earthquake misses a charge into the corner to start and Hercules pounds away on him. The big man heads to the floor before coming back in for a test of strength. Hercules goes down almost immediately and Earthquake is in control. The non-disaster comes back with some clotheslines but for reasons of general stupidity, Hercules tries a torture rack which goes as well as you would expect on someone who weighs 468. Two Earthquakes end Hercules.

Rating: D. Quick and easy here as Earthquake was clearly being built up as a huge monster for either Hogan or Warrior. He could certainly move very quickly for a guy his size and he had the talking ability to back it up. Earthquake is often forgotten as a quality monster which is a shame because the guy was pretty awesome.

Later in the month, Earthquake would face fan favorite Hillbilly Jim at Saturday Night’s Main Event XXVI.

Hillbilly Jim vs. Earthquake

First of all, let it be known that Jim’s music is freaking amazing on all levels. Jim wasn’t much in the ring, but he wasn’t supposed to be. He was a gimmick character that worked as well as any ever has. Can you think of a single time that he didn’t get a pop and a half? He was just so ridiculously over because of nothing more than the clapping thing he would do.

Like I’ve said before, he found something that worked and he ran with it. I would almost guarantee that if he came back today as a guest host, he would get the roof blown off almost any arena in the country. The key thing to him was that he was never taken seriously. He wasn’t shoved down our throats as a major player ever and because of that we never got sick of him.

Look at Eugene. He was originally an awesome character that a lot of people marked out for. Then they put him in an 18 minute match with HHH at Summerslam, and to the shock of no one, he got booed out of the building. The point is, keep the comedy characters in the right place.

As for the match, it’s a 90 second squash as Hart distracts Hillbilly and Quake hits a corner splash and two earthquakes to end this. That’s how it should have been. As usual, Quake’s opponent is taken out on a stretcher. That more or less was his gimmick which was fine.

Rating: N/A. It’s far too short to grade, but it did its job so this would have been a positive rating.

Earthquake’s biggest feud would be against Hulk Hogan, as he injured Hogan so badly that Hogan thought he was an intergalactic bounty hunter named Shep Ramsay stranded on Earth with Christopher Lloyd and Shelly Duvall (and the actress that would play Peggy on Mad Men). Their first showdown and Hogan’s return match was at Summerslam 1990.

Hulk Hogan vs. Earthquake

This is Hogan’s big return after being gone all summer due to an attack by Earthquake which broke his ribs. They lock up but Hogan can’t shove the big man around. Now Quake shoves him down a few times as Jimmy is losing his mind. Quake shoulders him out to the floor and Hogan takes a breather with Bossman. Back in and Hogan tries pounding away but Quake sends him into the corner to take him back down. Hogan gets a boot up in the corner and nails some clotheslines but Quake won’t go down.

After knocking Bravo and Hart off the apron, Hogan finally drops Earthquake with the big windup punch. All four guys get inside and the heels both take big boots to the face. The referee puts Bossman out though, allowing Bravo and Quake to hit a double slam on Hogan. A big elbow drop keeps Hogan down and a top rope forearm (from the 468lb Earthquake) to the back has Hogan down again. Off to a Boston Crab but Hogan tries to push his way out. That doesn’t work so Hogan looks to his left and realizes he’s about four inches from the rope for the break.

Bravo gets in some cheap shots on the floor but Earthquake misses an elbow drop back inside. Hogan finally gets to his feet (sidenote: Roddy Piper should not be allowed to cheer for Hogan. Ever.) but falls back down on a slam attempt. Off to a bearhug by Earthquake as the match slows down. Hulk punches out of it and tries a cross body like a schnook, earning the powerslam he gets as a result. Earthquake drops a pair of Earthquake splashes (seated sentons) but Hogan gets up at two to shock the crowd.

It’s Hulk Up time and there’s the slam but Dino distracts the referee after the legdrop. Jimmy comes in but gets tossed at Earthquake, sending everyone to the floor. Hart accidentally hits Quake with the Megaphone and Hogan slams the big man onto a table (it’s in Philadelphia after all)….for a countout? For the life of me I have no idea why Hogan didn’t get a pin here. I guess they wanted to save that for house shows, but it’s not like people wouldn’t want to see Hogan do it again live.

Rating: B-. The match itself was nothing of note but this is exactly what the fans wanted to see other than Hogan getting a pin. These two feuded on the house show circuit for the next four months or so, which really is amazing when you consider how basic the angle was that set it up. This falls into the fun category which is fine for a show like this.

Post match Quake chokes Hogan until Bossman blasts him in the back with a STEPLADDER. Quake finally drops him and looks at Bossman so the cop pulls out the nightstick to chase them off. Lots of posing ensues as you can see the house show rematches with any combination of these four guys being made up.)

They would keep it going at Survivor Series 1990.

Natural Disasters vs. Hulkamaniacs

Earthquake, Dino Bravo, Haku, Barbarian
Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Tugboat, Jim Duggan

There’s some actual drama here as Hogan had never beaten Earthquake before this and the other guys balance out somewhat well. Haku vs. Duggan start us off as the announcers talk about the Grand Finale. It’s such a different time when they automatically know who is going to be on what side. Today you would be waiting on the swerve. Duggan pounds away on Haku and a clothesline gets two.

Bravo and Barbarian come in to get some shots but it’s quickly off to Boss Man vs. Haku. Haku dropkicks him down for two but the Boss Man Slam puts Haku out quick. Barbarian comes in next and Boss Man runs him over. Heenan gets taken off the apron and Boss Man punches Barbarian a bit before walking into a suplex. Barbie misses a middle rope elbow and it’s off to Duggan vs. Bravo. Scratch that as Earthquake makes a blind tag and crushes Duggan in the corner. Duggan keeps trying to knock Quake down but Jimmy low bridges him. Duggan brings the board in with him and hits Quake for the DQ.

It’s Hogan vs. Earthquake but Hulk beats up all three guys because he can. Hogan easily slams Earthquake and fires off ten punches in the corner. Quake comes back with a powerslam and tags in Bravo who stomps away before getting small packaged for the pin. There’s the tag to Boss Man who hits his rapid fire punches in the corner. Boss Man goes up for a cross body and oh my goodness Earthquake caught him. That is SCARY. Hogan shoves Boss Man on top of him for two but Barbarian kicks Boss Man in the back to put him down. An elbow from Earthquake eliminates Boss Man.

Hogan vs. Quake again and Hulk tries to drop the big guy. Hulk tries another slam but can’t get Quake up. The third attempt results in Quake falling on Hogan for two. Hulk avoids an elbow and there’s the tag to Tugboat, causing everyone to shout TOOOOT which sounds like booing. Hogan pulls Earthquake to the floor and Quake and Tugboat get counted out. That leaves Hogan vs. Barbarian and the only thing I can think to say is “really?” Barbarian goes after Hogan on the floor and doesn’t hit a piledriver well at all. It gets two and they clothesline each other. Barbarian hits the top rope clothesline, Hulk Up, legdrop, done.

Rating: C-. This was a lot more fast paced and energetic than you would expect. The continued practice of just teasing the encounter that the match is based on is getting REALLY old though as I guess they want to preserve the house show draws, because who would want to see a feud continue after a single match right? My goodness have things changed in the last twenty years.

And one more time on the Main Event V.

Hulk Hogan/Tugboat vs. Dino Bravo/Earthquake

Hogan gets a very solid pop and is the only one of the four to get a reaction at all. According to Vince, Quake and Bravo weigh about 1,300 pounds between them. Think Vince is a bit shaky here for some reason? That’s not rhetorical actually as he’s normally more composed than this. Hogan cleans house on Bravo to start. Bravo and Tugboat are in now and this isn’t going to be pretty.

Bravo actually gets an atomic drop and a very good one all things considered. Hogan vs. Quake now, which is a somewhat big feud still at this point. The slam hits on the first try which is something different for the bald one. Quake gets a nice jump kick that looked pretty good for a man his size. The boating enthusiast gets beaten down as we wait on Hogan to get the tag.

Megaphone to the head ends any momentum he had and we take a break. Warrior is still the symbol on the graphic despite having lost the title and not even being on the card here. The referee misses the tag after the break and Tugboat takes a double slam. Hogan blocks the flying fat drop and we get the hot tag finally. Oddly enough Hogan hits the boot on Bravo and rolls him up for the pin instead of the standard finish.

Rating: D+. Totally standard house show main event here. This wasn’t supposed to be anything epic at all and it definitely wasn’t. These shows were designed to get the top feuds on TV and on occasions like this one, ending the feuds once and for all since Hogan had nothing else to do with any of these guys after this. Nothing great at all but fine for what it was.

Since Hogan had thrashed him all over the place for six months, Earthquake switched over to someone he could actually beat at Wrestlemania VII.

Earthquake vs. Greg Valentine

Valentine turned face a few months ago and this is his big match for the forces of good. We’re 20 seconds in and Valentine is getting powerslammed down for two. A splash misses in the corner and Valentine gets him down to one knee. Quake breaks the Figure Four twice, hits a big elbow and drops the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: F+. Earthquake was pretty much done as a singles guy at this point but I’m assuming he got some shots at Hogan on house shows over the summer. Other than that though this was a filler match that didn’t need to be on the card at all. Nothing to see here but at least Quake looked dominant.

After this it was time for the most successful period for Earthquake (as far as titles went at least) as he teamed up with Typhoon (the former Tugboat) as the Natural Disasters. One of their first major matches was at Summerslam 1991.

Natural Disasters vs. Bushwhackers

Andre looks terrible here and would be dead in less than 18 months. The Whackers sneak up on the big men on the floor and poke them in the eyes. We finally start with Butch vs. Typhoon and the big man being bitten on the trunks. Earthquake tries to come in but splashes his own partner by mistake. A double clothesline puts Quake down and the Bushwhackers are in full control.

Earthquake finally realizes he weighs more than both Bushwhackers put together and pounds Butch down with a few shots to the back. Heenan makes an obscure Newhart reference as Quake slams Butch into the corner but misses an elbow drop to the back. The second attempt connects though and it’s off to Typhoon for more fat man offense.

Off to an over the shoulder backbreaker on Butch which transitions into a bearhug by Earthquake. Heenan leaves to go find Hogan and embarrass him which we’ll get to later. Quake finally hits Typhoon with a clothesline by mistake as everything breaks down. The Bushwhackers hit Battering Rams on both Disasters but it’s finally the big men crushing Luke and the Earthquake for the pin.

Rating: D-. This was a waste of time and everyone knew it was going to be from the moment the bell rang. The Bushwhackers were the epitome of comedy bumpkins and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m not sure why they picked them of all teams for Andre to back and the match was horrible.

Here’s a Wrestling Challenge match from some point in 1991. It’s before November at least.

Natural Disasters vs. The Rockers

The Rockers are less than two months away from splitting here, meaning they’re about at their peak as a team. Shawn vs. Typhoon to get things going with the small guy not having any effect at all. Off to Marty vs. Earthquake for a change of pace as the big man crushes him in the corner. The powerslam looks to set up the Earthquake Splash but Shawn makes a last second save.

Typhoon comes in but can’t catch up to Marty, allowing Shawn to come in with a slingshot kick to the chest. Jannetty dives off Typhoon but gets caught in mid air by Earthquake. Shawn makes a save but Marty dropkicks Earthquake’s back, crushing him into Shawn to crush him in the corner. Marty goes after Jimmy Hart, allowing the big Typhoon Splash to crush Shawn for the pin.

Rating: D+. More storytelling than anything else here and that’s fine. The Rockers were in way over their heads here given the size and power of the Disasters and they were headed for a split anyway. This was just a Wrestling Challenge main event so you can’t really expect much out of it anyway.

The team eventually turned face and got a Tag Team Title shot on July 20, 1992.

Tag Titles: Money Inc. vs. Natural Disasters

Don’t you see the connection here? This would be before Mania as Jimmy is with DiBiase and IRS here, despite being with Hogan and Beefcake earlier. Yeah that’s not confusing at all. Irwin’s promo implies this is after April 15 but that wouldn’t add up at all so maybe that’s an error. The champions, Money Inc, tries to leave before the match starts but that gets nowhere. Typhoon and DiBiase start us off.

Everyone goes in there at once and the fat guys do nothing but corner splashes for about two minutes. They follow this up with a BIG splash, just to add some variety. They try it again and Quake misses and hits the floor. No earthquake from it but whatever. DiBiase chokes him with a rope from somewhere. Nothing of note going on here as it’s mainly just punches and kicks.

LONG beatdown segment on Earthquake as the heels do their evil deeds. Crowd is relatively dead here until Quake hits a hiptoss and STILL doesn’t make the tag. We get a comparison of Earthquake to Undertaker which is a matchup that could have been interesting if the timing had been right. Quake was getting to the point of not mattering when Taker arrived.

Tag by Quake doesn’t count since the referee didn’t see it. Double clothesline by Quake as Hart is described as a monkey on helium. Hot tag to Typhoon and the crowd wakes up a little bit. Everything breaks down and the referee tries to get Hart out of the ring. IRS blasts DiBiase in the face with the briefcase and Earthquake drops an elbow….FOR THE PIN? This actually looks like the title change and with nothing else happening…yeah that was a title change.

Rating: D+. Boring match but the crowd popped for the title change, I think due to shock more than anything else. This was their only title reign as they would lose the belts back to Money Inc in about three months. The match was pretty bad but a title change back then was always a good thing. This was a house show mind you, so it’s not like this was well known or anything, making it an actual rarity.

And now a title defense from Summerslam 1992.

Tag Titles: Natural Disasters vs. Beverly Brothers

The Brothers are managed by the Genius and are challenging here. Genius messes up his poem by getting some dates wrong but the fans are already cheering for the fat champions anyway. The challengers try to jump the big guys early on but the champions take their heads off with clotheslines. Both Brothers (Beau and Blake) are crushed in a fat man sandwich, leaving us with Typhoon to start against Blake.

Typhoon pounds away on the smaller man but Blake manages to lift him up for a slam. He can’t turn it over but it was a nice try at least. Everything breaks down for a few seconds until we’re back to more Disaster dominance. Quake accidentally splashes Typhoon in the corner and the ocean themed guy is down. The Brothers double team Typhoon with a splash but he launches Beau to the floor on the kickout.

Hang on a second: Shawn Michaels has left Wembley Stadium!

Back to the match with Blake hitting a middle rope headbutt for a delayed two. Beau holds Typhoon on the ropes so Blake can jump on his back in a move later used by Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin. The Brothers take turns pounding on Typhoon and draw Earthquake in, allowing them to double team Typhoon even more. A headbutt gets two for Blake and it’s off to a front facelock.

Typhoon finally makes a tag but the referee doesn’t see it, likely due to being bored by the match so far. Beau drops an ax handle onto Typhoon’s back but the big man FINALLY clotheslines both Beverlies down but stops to slam Beau instead of tagging out. Blake dropkicks his brother into a cross body on Typhoon for two and Quake has had enough. His save attempt is broken up by Genius’ metal scroll to Typhoon’s back as this match just keeps going. Quake breaks up he cover and gets the hot tag to clean house. A powerslam and the Earthquake are enough to retain the titles.

Rating: D. This just wouldn’t stop as the Brothers got WAY too much offense in here. The problem is the same as it was last year: there was no doubt as to who was walking out with the belts and that makes for a rather boring match. Also, the Beverlies are pretty average size guys so there’s only so much they can do against people like the Disasters.

One more WWF singles match after the team broke up. From November 24, 1992.

Repo Man vs. Earthquake

Uh…sure. I wonder why this was considered a good match. Maybe it wasn’t I don’t know. Going from Smash to Repo Man is one of the best character changes ever. I was STUNNED when I found out they were the same person. This is mostly Quake of course. Crowd is bored to put it nicely.

Earthquake was an interesting case as he went from evil monster that put Hogan on the shelf for the better part of the summer but once he turned on Jimmy Hart he was awesome. The fans always seemed like they wanted to cheer him but weren’t sure if that was ok or not. They do here though and the Earthquake finishes Repo. Short but harmless I guess.

Rating: D+. I said it was harmless but I didn’t say it was any good. One thing that does have to be considered with these is that they’re just dark matches or house show matches thrown on a tape with no real tying theme. For a match just thrown on a card before a TV taping or something like that, this would have been fine I guess. It’s far from good, but it would have been ok for a quick 5-6 minute match to entertain an audience.

After leaving the WWF it was back to Japan, including this match on December 15, 1993 in the WAR promotion.

John Tenta vs. Warlord

A lockup doesn’t get either guy anywhere and neither does a Warlord headlock. Shoulder blocks have no effect either so Earthquake jumps up and down a bit. Warlord slams him down to a BIG pop and even the ring announcer says something. Now the shoulder block works, but Earthquake one ups him with a dropkick. This is a really slow match for the most part. An elbow drop gets two on Warlord but he actually suplexes Earthquake down in a very impressive display of strength.

Earthquake heads to the floor where he drives Warlord into the post. Warlord avoids a charge up against the post but it doesn’t seem to hurt the bigger guy all that much. Instead Earthquake comes back with some splashes in the corner and a powerslam followed by the Earthquake Splash….for two?

The fans are into Warlord now but it’s off to a bearhug to slow him down. Warlord fights out with right hands and takes Quake down with a big shoulder. A nice belly to back drops Earthquake but he’s too fat to slam. Earthquake gets two off a legdrop before getting the pin off a running clothesline and covering the shoulders with all of his weight.

Rating: C-. This was getting going but the ending really felt like a screeching halt. It’s so strange to see the Warlord getting face reactions after so many years as a heel in the WWF. Earthquake was the kind of guy that could make a crowd care about his really basic offense and he showed it here really well.

It was off to WCW about a year later where Earthquake would be called Avalanche because that was what WCW thought was legal. He would be put into a feud with Hulk N Pals (shocking I know), including this match at Clash of the Champions XXX.

Sting vs. Avalanche

It’s a Starrcade rematch and Guardian Angel is guest referee. Avalanche jumps him to start but is quickly dropkicked to the floor and onto some chairs. Tony and Bobby notice that Flair is suddenly nowhere to be seen though his girls are still there. Back in and Avalanche runs him over before just standing on Sting’s chest.

A big elbow has Sting in trouble but Avalanche stops to pose. He takes Sting into the corner and rams the 450lb+ into Sting’s chest. The powerslam gets two but Sting accidentally headbutts Avalanche low to come back. Three straight Stinger Splashes rock the big man and there’s a fourth, setting up a slam and the Scorpion Deathlock. Guardian Angel gets down to check for the submission but referee Nick Patrick runs out to call it instead.

Rating: D+. Sting throwing around big men is always cool to see, but Avalanche is rapidly turning into a joke. Yeah he can hit some nice power moves but he’s lost every match on the Clash so far. He’s just a big guy that doesn’t win anything and that makes it hard to get into his matches.

After that whole gimmick became a mess (and Avalanche became a Shark), he would finally get sick of it and just become John Tenta, who would face Big Bubba Rogers at Great American Bash 1996.

Big Bubba vs. John Tenta

Oh dear. This is over the Dungeon of Doom, who was one of the worst big stables ever, cutting half of Tenta’s hair and goatee. Tenta was supposed to be a big face or something I guess but of course nothing ever came of it. These two have the exact same style so this isn’t going to work. Non American object gets Bubba in control. Soon thereafter, I see some interesting looking paint on the wall and I lose my focus. Thank`fully this is about five and a half minutes and ends with Tenta slamming Bubba. Afterwards he cuts off Bubba’s beard.

Rating: D. Again, there’s no point to this match. It’s just two guys beating on each other and no one cares at all. Tenta never did a thing in WCW and would be gone very soon to be Golga in the Oddities in WWF. Bubba would turn face after the NWO beat on him. Seriously, why was this on pay per view?

No real story to this one, but it was against a big name on Nitro from September 9, 1996.

John Tenta vs. Randy Savage

Tenta’s music would become Jericho’s in about two years. Savage hits the ring and is stomped down by Tenta quickly. Eric has to say that Meng works for WCW and not WWF as Haku to avoid legal issues. That’s how messed up things were back then. Savage pops Tenta with a chair and that’s cool too. There’s the elbow and a second one as Teddy Long comes out, saying they’re in the back. Savage runs off to huge booing and is counted out also. Too short to rate but it was in essence a Savage squash.

It was back to the WWF in 1998 as a masked man named Golga who was obsessed with Eric Cartman. The biggest match of the run was at Summerslam 1998.

Insane Clown Posse plays the Oddities to the ring to a HUGE reaction.

Oddities vs. Kaientai

The Oddities are Golga (Earthquake under a mask), Giant Silva (Great Khali’s size and about a tenth of the skill) and Kurrgan (uh….yeah). Kaientai is a four man heel team here and not the comedy guys they would become in a year or so. Golga starts with Light Heavyweight Champion Taka Michinoku and the big man rams his own head into the buckle for some reason. He shoves down all four members of Kaientai as we’re firmly in comedy match territory.

Golga steals Kaientai’s manager Yamaguchi-San’s shoes and blasts various people with it before it’s off to the dancing Kurrgan. He gets on his knees to fight Funaki in a funny bit before dancing even more. Three of the four Japanese guys swarm Kurrgan to no effect as he cleans house anyway. Yamaguchi-San is shoved down again and it’s off to Silva to clean the little bit of the house which isn’t taken care of yet.

Kaientai gets in a fight over who comes in but it’s Dick Togo (Best name EVER) who gets the job. All four guys come in again but they can’t combine to lift Silva’s legs. Silva sends all four of them into the corner and crushes them at once before Kurrgan comes in to whip one into the other three. Silva throws Taka over the top onto the other three as this is complete dominance. Back in and Golga tries a seated senton on Mens Teioh but Taka and Togo hit a double dropkick to stagger him.

Two members of the team combine to slam him and four straight top rope splashes followed by four straight legdrops get no cover. A quadruple dropkick has Golga in trouble but a quadruple clothesline puts Kaientai down. The hot tag brings in Kurrgan who takes down everyone in sight and hits a wicked side slam on Funaki. Everything breaks down as managers Luna Vachon and Yamaguchi-San get in a fight. A quadruple chokeslam is good for the pin by Golga on everyone from Japan.

Rating: C-. The match was nothing but comedy, it was overly long, Golga is the only Oddity that could do a thing in the ring…..and I can’t help but love the Oddities. There’s just something so innocently goofy about them that I smile every time I see Kurrgan do his dance. The match sucked but it has no expectations coming in so it’s completely harmless.

One more for the road. From Raw, November 2, 1998.

Oddities vs. Mankind/Al Snow

Golga/Kurrgan here. ZZ Top is here. Mankind and Kurrgan start and we get a dance off until Snow jumps Kurrgan from behind. Off to Snow who has a bit less success. Snow fires off some kicks to the legs and Kurrgan goes down before Mankind comes back in. Golga comes in with a splash in the corner and an elbow drop for two. A side slam from Kurrgan gets the same as we’re told Vince is yelling at the Fink.

Mankind grabs a double arm DDT on Kurrgan and reaches for Socko, but he’s not there. Snow hits Kurrgan in the head with Head as Mankind leaves in panic. Snow walks into a bad Bossman Slam from Kurrgan. Snow makes both Oddities miss a few times but Kurrgan chokeslams him and the Earthquake gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was a comedy match at times and a major upset at the end. Well maybe not major but still an upset. Kurrgan is a total guilty pleasure for me and when he’s in there with my all time favorite, what else am I going to say here other than it wasn’t all bad. This was nothing great but I had to like it a bit given who was in there.

Earthquake is another one of those guys that used what he had and got it over despite being a giant like so many others had been before him. His run with Hogan made him the top heel in the company for a good while and that’s pretty high praise when Hulkamania was still a big thing. His WCW run kind of sucked but he was long past his peak by that point. Still though, his best times were pretty good and he had a pretty lengthy career.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: September 23, 1996
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 3,923
Commentators: Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly, Jerry Lawler

Another day and another review that I don’t remember a reason for. It’s the night after Mind Games and the main story is that Shawn Michaels is still WWF Champion after Vader attacked Shawn for a DQ. Undertaker went after Mankind to continue that feud that will just never die. We start the build to Buried Alive here as well. Let’s get to it.

We get stills of Fake Razor and Fake Diesel attacking Savio Vega last night. Heel JR says he told us so.

Opening sequence.

Intercontinental Title: Marc Mero vs. Farrooq

Title is vacant coming in due to Ahmed Johnson’s injuries. Pat Patterson is introduced as the guest referee to the crowd off camera and Mr. Perfect sits in on commentary. Sable and Sunny are the respective seconds here in a rare occurrence of them being on screen at the same time. Farrooq (still in the blue gladiator outfit) hammers away to start but gets rolled up for a few two counts. An enziguri drops Mero but he avoids a charge and clotheslines Farrooq out to the floor for a BIG flip dive. Back in and a springboard moonsault press gets two for Mero but he gets backdropped to the floor.

Ahmed Johnson calls in to the show and says he’ll be back to win his title. Back in and a powerslam gets two for Farrooq and a middle rope Samoan drop gets the same. Sunny gets in some choking but Sable chases her off, earning Sunny an ejection and a lot of booing. Back with Mero getting two off a backslide but getting clotheslined down with ease. Farrooq stays on the ribs before hitting the chinlock. JR promises to expose Jeff Jarrett tonight, whatever that means.

Mero fights up and nails a clothesline, only to get caught with another quick slam to change momentum. Farrooq goes up top but gets crotched down almost immediately. A top rope hurricanrana puts Farrooq down for two and a double clothesline drops both guys. Farrooq comes out and gets in a slap fight with Sable, allowing Mero to take Sunny’s purse from Farrooq and knock him silly, setting up the Wild Thing (shooting star) for the pin and the title.

Rating: C. Nothing special to see here but the Wild Thing was still a really high spot at the time. No it wasn’t a clean pin, but Mero winning the title is a good idea at the end of the day. He was a solid worker and getting much better around this time, but an injury would shut him down pretty horribly.

Mr. Perfect gives him the title post match.

We flash back over a year to see Roadie cost Jeff Jarrett the Intercontinental Title to Shawn Michaels at In Your House 2.

Mero and some low level friends celebrate in the locker room.

Vince narrates a video from In Your House 2 of Jarrett singing his country song, but something fishy went down. However, new video shows that he was LIP SYNCHING! The real singer is revealed next week.

Body Donnas vs. British Bulldog/Owen Hart

Owen and the Bulldog won the Tag Team Titles last night and have Clarance Mason (attorney) with them but this is non-title. Owen spins out of Zip’s wristlock to start as Mason swears he didn’t cheat Jim Cornette out of anything last night. A rollup gets two on Zip and some ECW guys (including Taz) jump the railing for some attention. We take a break and come back with Bulldog slamming Skip down before it’s off to Owen. That goes nowhere so Bulldog tries a gorilla press, only to be rolled up for a quick two.

Jim Cornette comes in on a split screen and yells about Mason cheating him out of the contract with Owen and Bulldog. Owen goes up but his top rope splash hits knees and the not hot tag brings in Zip to clean house. Skip and Bulldog fight to the floor before a Rocket Launcher gets two on Owen. Not that it matters as Hart comes back with a spinwheel kick and the Sharpshooter for the submission from Zip.

Rating: C-. This was fine though I don’t remember the Body Donnas being faces at all. I do however remember Clarance Mason vs. Jim Cornette being a rather dull feud that went nowhere, though Owen and Bulldog were awesome champions. The match was nothing special but I was surprised that the non-champions got in so much offense.

We see some stills of Mankind vs. Shawn from last night. Sid going after Vader sets up their match at Buried Alive and of course the main event is Undertaker vs. Mankind.

Undertaker is in a graveyard and talks about the betrayal of Paul Bearer. Last night he played mind games with Mankind and Bearer, and at Buried Alive he’ll get his revenge.

Doc Hendrix can’t find Diesel and Razor.

Steve Austin sits in on commentary.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. The Stalker

Stalker is Barry Windham as a paramilitary character. He’s billed from the environment, which should tell you all you need to know about the character. Stalker takes him down with an easy armdrag before driving in elbows to the shoulder. A hammerlock slam keeps Helmsley in trouble but he comes back with some knees to the ribs to escape.

They head outside for nothing of note as Mr. Perfect comes out to watch. He’s feuding with Helmsley and stealing all his chicks around this time and the distraction lets Stalker slam him down again as we take a break. Back with Helmsley poking Stalker in the eye and hammering away in the corner.

Stalker escapes a sleeper with a jawbreaker as Austin wants to know why Stalker has so much paint on his face when everyone knows who he is. That’s a good question actually. A headbutt has Helmsley in trouble and a delayed suplex gets no cover. Perfect goes after Helmsley’s chick again as Stalker gets slammed face first onto the mat. The distraction allows Stalker to hit the superplex for the pin.

Rating: D+. Austin summed up the entire problem with Stalker in that one line: it wasn’t hard to tell who he was if you had been watching wrestling for almost any amount of time. The match was nothing all that great either with Helmsley not having any idea what he was doing yet and not being very good at all. It didn’t help that Windham had nothing at this point either.

Mankind and Bearer want to know why Undertaker was in their casket last night. Last night was Undertaker’s gravest mistake, even though Vader had already cost him the match. To be fair though, Mankind was never one to be all that objective.

JR is ready to bring out Razor and Diesel but gets interrupted by a Buried Alive ad.

Back in the arena and Ross says he has no loyalty to anyone but himself. In 1993 he was brought into the company and put into a toga after leaving the Atlanta Falcons. Then he carried the broadcast at the first King of the Ring but Vince fired him for being too good when he had Bell’s Palsy. This was one of the first times that Vince was identified as the owner. Then he was brought back when Raw needed a commentator for half the money. The fans are barely responding to this at all. JR brags about all the talent he’s brought in and brings out Fake Razor and no one cares. Savio Vega jumps Ramon to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Oh my goodness was this year bad for the WWF. It’s not so much that the wrestling was horrible but the stories were terrible. The main story on this show was JR bringing back Fake Razor which bombed horribly because it looked like a bad Razor Ramon costume instead of Scott Hall. The Title match wasn’t bad but with almost no big stars here and nothing interesting for the most part, this was a rather horrible show.

I’ve already done the next week’s show. Here it is in case you’re interested:

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of on the History of Survivor Series at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

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