We get a recap of Hogan vs. Abyss which is mainly about THEY are coming.
We open in the arena with Abyss going crazy and throwing chairs into the ring. Hogan comes out and we’re told he needs back surgery. Bicshoff comes out before anything happens and Hogan tells him to step aside. TWO security guards come in to stop things. BISCHOFF SLAPS ABYSS.
Hogan pops him with a chair which does nothing and Hardy comes out for the save. A Twist of Fate puts Abyss down but a Hogan chair shot doesn’t? He adds a Swanton for the heck of it.
AJ vs. Joe later. That should work. Abyss comes up to the announce table and points at Taz, doing the YOU thing. It’s really going to be the ECW thing isn’t it?
Abyss vs. Hardy tonight.
InkIncvs. MotorCityMachineGuns
First match for the #1 contenders in….4 weeks? Shelley and Shannon to start which makes me think this is a Divas match for a second. This is a decently fast paced match which tells me we’re going to be done with Ink Inc soon. D-Von comes down to keep an eye on this and does commentary, saying he’s making sure Bubba doesn’t screw this up.
Neal hits Shelley with a spear for two and here’s Bubba just like the obvious would suggest. Neal gets distracted, setting up a SWEET double team move as Shelley hits Sliced Bread #2 while Sabin hits a sitout powerbomb on Neal for the pin.
Rating: C-. This was decent enough and the ending was AWESOME but seriously, the Neal/Bubba thing needs to die. It just does. No one is interested in either Dudley as a singles guy so don’t try to make them interesting. Just do Ink Inc vs. 3D like you should. We’ve tried the Dudleys as singles guys twice and it’s bombed both times. Don’t waste time on it a third time.
Pope is back tonight.
Bischoff makes Abyss vs. Hardy for the main event.
Dixie is just getting here. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET TO A TV SHOW ON TIME?
AJStylesvs. SamoaJoe
Ok, these two are usually AWESOME. Let’s see if they can manage to mess this up. Flair and Kaz come out behind AJ. That chant Joe gets every time has to be intimidating. Joe allegedly has the home field advantage….in the house that AJ built. Got it. AJ slams Joe and looks for approval from Flair. Eh that’s fine I guess. There is no one in Fourtune yet.
This is a decent back and forth match but I wish they could have it be more like their old ones without AJ constantly looking for approval. AJ goes for the figure four and gets caught in the clutch for the tap out. Post match AJ gets yelled at AGAIN by Flair. Kaz gets all smirky and I wonder what the point in making AJ into this is. AJ gets a mic and calls out Kaz for a match next week and it’s on.
Rating: B-. For only six minutes, this was solid. It’s obviously light years away from their epic wars, but this was far from bad. The post match thing showed promise for AJ which is a huge thing. Joe still looks completely directionless which is normal for him anymore but this was fine for what it was.
Dixie is with Hogan and Bischoff and in one of the funniest segments ever, Hogan calls Sting cancer, says Sting can’t handle success and says that Sting wants to destroy everything that’s successful and always has. I almost had to pause the show to clear the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. Oh and Nash had a cameo.
BrianKendrickvs. DesmondWolfe
This is a submission match and Williams is on commentary. Wolfe dominates early so you know that Wolfe is jobbing here again. Williams vs. Jeremy Buck next week in a ladder match. Uh….WHY? He’s having an Ultimate X match at the PPV so shouldn’t he be doing that instead? Chelsea walks off and Kendrick gets the cobra clutch on Wolfe for the eventual tap. Yep that was predictable and pay no attention to the hold looking HORRIBLE.
Rating: N/A. This was maybe two minutes long and therefore the shortest submission match I can ever think of other than against a jobber. Ah never mind as this would fall into such a category. Again, is there a point to having Wolfe job so much? I’m certainly not seeing it.
Tommy Dreamer won’t comment on attending Impact.
Pope gets a video package.
And here he is. The fans chant hallelujah. He starts crying and says he’s glad to be back and thanks everyone. He says he wants Anderson and he’ll get back to him later. He wants the title back and talks for awhile. And cue Angle. He gets far more cheers and takes the entire segment which is expected I guess. Pope is the future of TNA apparently. The match is made for Victory Road, which makes me wonder who isn’t allowed to make matches.
We recap Flair vs. Lethal and continue to see how irritating Flair is now.
JayLethalvs. MattMorgan
Lethal calls out Flair and AJ but gets his opponent instead. Morgan has been asked to join Fourtune apparently. Morgan jumps him and goes for the elbows in the corner, most of which miss but whatever. After Morgan kind of dominates, Hernandez comes out and causes the distraction so that a missile dropkick can end Morgan.
Rating: C-. This was too short to mean anything but it was just about setting up the angle at the end with Hernandez. It’s kind of a head scratcher but for a few minutes long, this was fine for what it did. Lethal got to yell at Flair and Hernandez cost Morgan a match so that all adds up.
Abyss makes a 2×4 with nails in it.
MadisonRaynevs. TaylorWilde
WOW the champions is actually wrestling! I don’t believe it. This is of course not very good. It’s nice to see some fresh blood in there though so I’ll give them that. We lay around a lot as the ECW guys, this time plus Rhyno, show up to completely take away the spotlight from the match at hand as everyone cheers for ECW.
In a funny line Taz points out that none of these guys liked him in ECW anyway. Rayne hits that knee to the back of the head on Wilde to win it. Love comes out and beats her up with a chair.
Rating: N/A. This was bad but what do you expect really? The crowd only cared about the ECW guys and the match was awful. Love more or less has to win at the PPV but where does the division go from there? I have no clue at all but I doubt they do either.
Sarita beats the crap out of Wilde for no apparent reason other than a heel turn. She looks good in black too.
We run down the Victory Road card to waste some time.
Dixie finds Sting and he asks if she gets it now. She blames Sting for everything and she suspends him for 30 days without pay. Sting says she’s been conned but won’t explain. Dixie isn’t listening apparently. He’s about to explain and here’s Bischoff with security to get rid of Sting. He says let’s just make it indefinite instead of 30 days.
Abyssvs. JeffHardy
Van Dam is referee here. We get rid of the 2×4 board almost immediately. The ECW guys are gone too. Abyss takes over and that lasts only a bit as Abyss loses focus. This is fairly back and forth and is getting some time. Jeff “hits” a “Twist of Fate” but doesn’t get the Swanton.
And then the Swanton does hit and gets the completely clean pin. Oh sure…why not. Anderson comes in for the save with a chair but accidentally hits Hardy and takes Shock Treatment to end the show with Abyss standing tall.
Rating: C-. Eh nothing great here but nothing horrible either. The booking makes next to no sense here but it’s TNA so what do you expect? Abyss standing tall to end the show would be a lot better if he hadn’t gotten pinned in about seven minutes more or less clean but whatever. This did its job….I think.
Overall Rating: C. This was a different kind of show but it had one thing going very well for it: there was a point to just about everything here. The angles were almost all advanced or at least addressed which is good. The wrestling mostly sucked, but the main thing here was that they had a coherent story.
There was some unintentional comedy which you have to expect here, mainly in the form of the Hogan/Bischoff/Dixie segment which was just great. The rest of the show was solid and Sting STILL not explaining is like a running joke now. This was a good show I guess, but they really need to upgrade the wrestling.
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