Monday Nitro #134
Date: April 6, 1998
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

This is the first time WCW has gotten together since last week and as usual, the focus is all on the NWO. In this case it was Nash accidentally kicking Hogan in the face, ticking Hollywood off as we’re getting closer to Spring Stampede where they’re teaming up together. In other words, as usual, the NWO drama overshadows everything else on the show despite the fans getting bored with it. Let’s get to it.

We open with, you guessed it, NWO DRAMA! Savage is down outside the arena and about to be loaded into an ambulance. We go to the arena to hear from the announcers a bit before going back to see Savage still down.

Psychosis/El Dandy/La Parka vs. Judo Suwa/Shiima Nobunaga/Tokyo Magnum

Tokyo starts with Psychosis and a quick distraction allows for triple teaming on Magnum. They all drop elbows on Tokyo for two before Nobunaga comes in for a save. He gets triple teamed as well but Suwa makes the save. Psychosis hits a missile dropkick to an elevated Suwa for two before it’s back to La Parka vs. Tokyo. Magnum finally takes over and side steps a low blow from Psychosis, sending the boot into La Parka’s groin instead.

A top rope hurricanrana gets two on La Parka before it’s off to Nobunaga to catch Dandy in the jaw with an elbow. Suwa sends La Parka to the floor and everyone launches dives to the floor. Shiima gets two off a top rope spinwheel kick to Psychosis, only to miss a dropkick, allowing Psychosis to drop the guillotine legdrop for the pin.

Rating: C+. Very fun opener here which is exactly what an opening match is supposed to be. As usual the formula of take six guys and let them fly around the ring for five minutes works like a charm with Miami eating it up. You indy fans might know Nobunaga better as Dragon Gate USA star Cima.

More of Savage being looked at in the back.

Opening sequence.

TV Title: Disco Inferno vs. Booker T

Booker beat Disco to win his first title I believe. Disco turns his back on the champion to start and is promptly drilled in the back. A forearm to the head gets two for Booker and we hit the armbar. Back up and a hiptoss puts Inferno on the floor but he comes back with a belly to back suplex. Disco stomps Booker down in the corner and gets two off a running clothesline. We hit the chinlock for a bit before they trade near falls, leading right back into the chinlock. A middle rope fist misses Booker entirely and the champion comes back with a flapjack. Booker’s two kicks set up a snap spinebuster and the missile dropkick to retain.

Rating: C-. Disco continues to be perfectly acceptable out there which isn’t how many people remember him at all. Booker was his usual smooth self and the ending made him look dominant after two straight draws against Benoit. It’s very nice to see a perfectly decent match to fill in the gaps between the Savage drama.

The Nitro Girls dance with a Latin theme.

Video on Hogan vs. Savage vs. Nash.

Lenny Lane vs. Kidman

Kidman takes over with a quick dropkick and a clothesline to take over. A slam sets up a slingshot legdrop followed by a jawbreaker for two on Lane. Kidman sets up a bulldog, only to be crotched on the top to stop him cold. Lane hits a snap powerslam for two before launching Kidman into the air for a nice crash. Lenny goes up top for a slow motion Whisper in the Wind for two more but he walks into a sitout spinebuster followed by the Seven Year Itch (shooting star) for the pin by Kidman.

Rating: D+. This was a spot fest but not a very entertaining one. Kidman had to slow down his offense so much for his gimmick that it makes his matches less interesting than they should be. Lane was just a jobber at this point so no one cared about him due to having no real reason to yet.

JJ Dillon (loudly booed) says there’s tape of the Savage attack but we can’t see it yet because it’s an ongoing investigation. He doesn’t know anything about Spring Stampede yet but promises to keep us updated. Well this was totally pointless. Yeah there’s a tape apparently, but either give us a time frame on when we’ll see it or don’t mention it yet. The fans groaned when JJ said we weren’t seeing it, which could have been avoided if they didn’t mention it. Then again that might make too much sense.

Norman Smiley vs. Konnan

Konnan grabs the arm to start but gets flipped over in a nice leverage move. Another armdrag sends Konnan to the floor for a conference with Vincent. Back in and Konnan stomps on his foot to take Norman down, allowing for a choke from Vinny Bald. Tony is told about Sting vs. Nash for the title tonight, meaning it’s time to ignore the match in the ring. Konnan ducks his head and gets kicked in the jaw, followed by an abdominal stretch. Norman misses a dropkick and gets caught in a half crab even lamer than the Tequila Sunrise. Back up the Konnan hits the 187 and the Tequila Sunrise for the submission.

Rating: D. Nothing match here to give the announcers a reason to talk about the main event. Smiley was very smooth in the ring and could have decent matches when given the chance. Naturally the idea was to push him as something that didn’t showcase those talents whatsoever. Konnan was his usual self here but very over with the Miami fans.

Apparently Savage has just been put on the stretcher.

More Nitro Girls.

US Title: Buff Bagwell vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Bagwell quickly takes him down with an armdrag and poses, only to be taken down via a shoulder block. Buff’s low elevation dropkick is practically no sold and Page scores with a neckbreaker. Page pounds away in the corner but Buff sneaks in a low blow to take over. Buff hits some really basic shots to the back for two and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Page tries a quick powerbomb, only to have Bagwell land on his feet and hit something resembling a neckbreaker for two. Page comes back with right hands and the Pancake for two. Here’s Raven in the audience with the belt, drawing Page out for the countout.

Rating: D. Bagwell isn’t very good and that’s as simple as I can put it. He can’t do anything above bare bones and screwed up something as simple as a swinging neckbreaker. Also, we can’t even have an NWO guy do a job for the US Champion? They really have to be protected that much?

Bagwell demands to be called the new champion but turns around into a Diamond Cutter. Again, Page can knock the guy out cold with one move but Bagwell can’t job for some reason.

Hour #2 begins.

Here’s some of the Savage footage. It’s a red Viper speeding away with Vincent and Disciple saying this is NWO business and Disciple saying “he’s not so Macho now is he?” Again, why not mention this was coming to start the second hour instead of saying “well we can’t show it now and we won’t say when we’re showing it.” If nothing else say you’re airing it at some point tonight and give the fans an extra reason to stick around.

Here’s the NWO with something to say. Hogan says there’s no survey tonight because he was caught in traffic on his way to the show. Ok then. Anyway he’s here now and talks about how he and Nash will dominate Giant and Piper at the PPV. Tonight however Nash is going to win the title and bring it back to Hollywood and the NWO. At the pay per view (Hogan won’t say Spring Stampede for some reason) though, they’re going to kill Giant and Piper with one stone. Isn’t it with one bat?

Buy the Macho Man caged madness shirt. I always liked that one.

Video on Goldberg.

Hammer vs. Goldberg

Nothing out of the ordinary here other than Goldberg hitting an Attitude Adjustment on Hammer. The spear and Jackhammer end this in about a minute and fifteen seconds.

Post match Goldberg scares off the Flock so Saturn puts the Rings of Saturn on Hammerl. Kidman tries to break it up and gets shoved down.

Heenan is on commentary and drooling over the Nitro Girls and the future Mrs. HBK in particular.

Here’s Roddy Piper with something to say. Piper talks about swinging a bat here in the home of the World Series champions before talking about being in a bat match with three giants. He’s in full on ramble mode tonight. Piper mentions beating up a transvestite named Goldust and talks about beating up Hogan with a bat. He’s coming after Hogan with a bat tonight and next week in Minneapolis because there isn’t enough room in the sport for both of them. Hogan will be auditioning for Rupaul after Piper gets his hands on him. When Piper gets off track it can be one heck of a train wreck.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Ultimo Dragon

Before the match, Eddie yells at Chavo for being such a failure that he’s gotten Grandma’s menudo thrown out of a cooking competition. Therefore, Chavo is taking Eddie’s place.

Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Ultimo Dragon

Chavo blocks a quick rollup to start and hits a quick belly to back suplex for one. Off to an early chinlock from Chavo followed by an abdominal stretch. A pumphandle backbreaker gets two for Guerrero and it’s right back to the chinlock. Back up and Dragon flips over Chavo into a rollup for two with Chavo countering into one of his own for the same. Eddie has a towel over his head and his back to the ring. Dragon escapes the tornado DDT but Chavo escapes La Majistral, only to get caught in the Dragon Sleeper for the submission.

Rating: C. Nice match here and I’m digging this Guerrero story. If nothing else it’s hilarious every time Eddie talks about Grandma. Chavo is rapidly maturing through this story and it’s bringing him up to a new level. Imagine that: a veteran helping out a young guy instead of holding him down.

More Nitro Girls, in the same outfits and doing pretty much the same routine they did the last time.

We look back at Malenko losing to Jericho at Uncensored and Gene brow beating him down. Gene: “You didn’t win at Starrcade, Super Brawl or Souled Out.” Two things: he only wrestled at one of those shows and man WCW started a lot of shows with the letter S.

Barry Darsow vs. Lex Luger

Sign in the crowd: Gordon Solie Rules. Amen brother. Luger shoves Darsow into the corner as Tony hypes up some Flair interview on Thursday. Darsow comes back with a belly to back suplex and clubbing forearms to the back. Barry works on the arm for a bit and punches Luger in the face for good measure. Luger backdrops out of a piledriver and hits his usual stuff to set up the Rack for the submission.

Rating: D. Typical Luger match, Darsow was his usual self and there’s nothing else to say here at all.

Hour #3 begins.

We recap the Bulldog/Neidhart vs. Hennig/Rude feud.

Curt Hennig/Bryan Adams vs. British Bulldog/Jim Neidhart

Rude joins commentary again. It’s a brawl to start with the NWO quickly being dispatched to the floor. We start with Neidhart vs. Hennig and the fans are all over Rude. Jim slams him down by the hair and brings in Bulldog to face Adams. Bulldog suplexes Adams down as Heenan sucks up to Rude. A middle rope shoulder from Neidhart takes Adams down and we hit the chinlock. Neidhart lets him up and gets caught in the heel corner with the NWO taking over. Adams ducks his head as Rude leaves to watch at ringside.

We take a break (yes, in this match) and come back with Adams working on Bulldog’s ribs. Adams lifts him up for a three rep gorilla press before it’s back to Curt for a spinning toe hold. The fans get distracted by something in the crowd so Adams puts on a front facelock. Now the fans are bored as Neidhart gets the ice cold tag. Everything breaks down and Rude knees Neidhart in the back, setting up the PerfectPlex for the pin.

Rating: D-. From a quality standpoint it was passable at best, but there’s just no interest in this feud at all. It’s clearly there to tie in to Hart’s feud with the NWO (which barely exists anyway) but Neidhart and Bulldog aren’t interesting at all. The fans clearly don’t care but this feud just keeps going due to a lack of anything better to do with them.

Bret finally comes out for the save and says, again, that he’s not letting the NWO screw people.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera

Jericho dedicates this episode of Monday Night Jericho to Dean Malenko. He begs Dean, the second greatest wrestler in the world today, to come back. Jericho asks why Prince Nakamaki is getting the title shot at the PPV when he doesn’t even own a pair of boots. Juvy takes over with some hard chops to start before blocking some tiger suplex attempts. A suplex puts Jericho down for two and we hit the chinlock.

Chris comes back with an elbow to the face and the fans are all over him. A hard clothesline sets up the arrogant cover for two followed by three straight backbreakers. Jericho stops to pose before covering for two and Juvy comes back with a victory roll for the same.

Chris comes back with an elbow and gets two off a middle rope splash, only to be dropkicked down for two as well. A Jericho powerbomb is countered into a DDT for a VERY close two. The Juvy Driver looks to set up the 450 but Jericho crotches him on top. Jericho catches a cross body and counters a hurricanrana into the Liontamer with Prince Iaukea coming down to throw in the towel for the submission.

Rating: C. I get the idea they were going for with the ending but Juvy has a legitimate complaint with Prince here. He was crawling towards the rope when Iaukea threw in the towel so the match wasn’t over yet. Why the title match at the PPV isn’t Juvy challenging for the belt is beyond me as I don’t think anyone cared that Iaukea was getting a shot.

We look at the Savage footage again.

Scott Steiner vs. Sick Boy

They had said Steiner was facing Giant later tonight. Vincent brings in a trophy for some reason. Steiner takes Sick Boy down with ease and chokes on the ropes a bit. Sick Boy is caught in the Tree of Woe for more choking followed by the elbow drop into the pushups. The Recliner ends this squash.

WCW World Title: Kevin Nash vs. Sting

Nash comes to the ring in a Savage t-shirt to further stir the pot. He says he heard Hogan’s view of what was going on around here but now it’s time for his view. Nash says that Viper that sped away earlier was red and yellow, which is why he’s wearing a Savage shirt tonight. He gets in a jab about Syxx’s firing by saying if he wears this shirt too long, Savage will get fired. If Nash wins the belt tonight, it’s going around around his waist and not into Hollywood’s hands. Also, if Hogan keeps it up, Nash will be him up with the bat along with Giant and Piper.

After a lot of walking around, Nash shoves Sting into the corner and fires off some knee lifts and right hands. Some elbows to the head stagger Sting but the champion scores with some clotheslines. A middle rope clothesline drops the big man and a dropkick sends Nash to the floor. Sting goes out to get him but gets caught by a beating from Konnan. Nash and Konnan take turns choking and it’s time to work on the champ’s back.

A backbreaker sets up a chinlock with the knee in the back. Sting fights up but walks into a knee to the ribs to slow him down again. Kevin chokes with the boot but misses a kick in the corner, giving Sting a target to go after. There’s the Scorpion but Konnan helps pull Nash to the ropes. Nash’s leg is of course fine enough to hit the side slam for two and an elbow drop gets the same. Kevin pounds away and it’s back to the neck crank.

Sting fights up for his second comeback as Konnan comes in for no DQ. Sting hits three straight Splashes in the corner but Nash shrugs them off and loads up the Jackknife (wouldn’t that be a DQ?) but his back gives out. Not that it matters as Hogan comes in to attack Sting for the DQ.

Rating: D+. The match had some decent action but there’s only so much Sting can do when Nash won’t sell anything. This didn’t do much to help a world champion who has already had his wings clipped. I’ve seen worse matches but this felt like we were waiting on the interference ending, making it like every other Nitro main event for about two years.

The NWO comes in for the beatdown but Piper and Giant make the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was very much like last week’s show: good stuff from the guys in the middle of the card and nothing interesting from the top guys. Savage’s title shot at the PPV was glanced at but nothing more while the bat match got three promos and the closing spot on the show. Then there’s the issue of Roddy Piper. Someone in the comments mentioned how bad he was on these shows and it’s absolutely right. There’s no real reason for him to be involved in this but he’s getting a lot of TV time anyway. Throw Luger in there to give him something to do and you eliminate the horrible promos we have to sit through.

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The Big Event
Date: August 28, 1986
Location: Exhibition Stadium, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 70,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jimmy Valiant, Ernie Ladd

You read the attendance right. This was by far and away the biggest crowd in North American history until about 8 months later when they got almost 20,000 more into the stands. This was about one match: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff. This was actually a really big house show as it was before PPV really got going and therefore this was just what the title says: A Big Event.

As you know I know my old school but I can only think of one other match on the card: Roberts vs. Steamboat. This would have been Summerslam had Summerslam existed yet though as it was easily bigger than Mania 2 and wouldn’t be trumped until next year in the biggest event of all time. So with all that being said, let’s get to this.

The opening is Gene in a helicopter talking about how awesome Toronto is which is interspersed with clips of the show. The crowd is VERY loud. This show is outside in case I forgot to mention that. I’ve heard between 65 and 74 thousand for the card but 70,000 is what I hear most. To put that into perspective, that’s more than Mania 6 or 17. This really does look freaking amazing.

Killer Bees vs. Hoss Funk/Jimmy Jack Funk

Hoss is more commonly known as Dory so we’ll go with that. Jimmy was a jobber and Dory was a former world champion. We get a wide shot and it just looks amazing. Dory and Brian Blair start us off. Jimmy does look a bit like Terry if nothing else. This has been all Bees so far.

Jimmy is wearing a mask for no apparent reason. Ernie Ladd never talks and it’s kind of annoying. The heels finally take over as I guess Dory just got bored out there. Ernie throws out this gem: he slammed him to the mat there with a move called a slam. That sums things up pretty well I’d say. The Bees put the masks on and cheat to get the win. There’s an echo on the mic which is cool for some reason.

Rating: C. This was fine for an opener. It wasn’t a bad tag match at all and it got the crowd into things which is really all you can ask for in a match like this. It definitely could have used a minute or so off in the middle though.

King Tonga vs. Don Muraco

Both are heels here and Tonga is more commonly known as Haku/Meng. He looks weird in regular tights too. I think he’s supposed to be a face but he’s just not popular at all. He’s also referred to as both King Tonga and Haku. He works on the arm, like a lot. I mean he works on that thing like there’s no freaking tomorrow.

We’re at about 5 minutes of just arm work. Valiant and Ladd are rather annoying men. And now we hit a two minute nerve hold. I have a bad feeling I know where this is going to go. Good grief this is just boring. Nothing of note happens for the better part of ever and then we have a time limit draw at about seventeen of the twenty minutes. This was a waste of time.

Rating: D+. I hate matches like these. Draws are fine, but dang man this was just freaking boring. Haku using a high cross body was cool though. Either way, this just wasn’t interesting at all.

Ted Arcidi vs. Tony Garea

Garea is replacing Tony Atlas. I don’t know much about Garea but I suddenly want to laugh quite a bit. Arcidi is a big power guy and Garea is just generic as possible. The ropes keep making this weird sound when they hit them. Arcidi legitimately held the world bench press record for years. There must be a fight or something going on as a ton of fans are all looking to see something as the ropes are really getting annoying. Garea taps to a bear hug soon after this.

Rating: N/A. This was a total squash and wasn’t that interesting. He would be gone in a few months while Garea still works for the company behind the scenes today.

Jimmy Hart says he’ll get JYD tonight.

Adrian Adonis vs. Junkyard Dog

It’s so cool to see the thousands of people and have a row cut out in there for the guys to come through. It looks completely awesome. Hart has a freaking feather duster for some reason. Adonis is rather gay in case you weren’t familiar with him. He’s also about 400lbs here.

About two years before this he was a big deal actually as a biker character. I love that Dog’s theme song is about grabbing a girl’s hips. Adonis is bleeding pretty badly already. Ok apparently not as I refuse to listen to Ernie Ladd anymore.

Jimmy sprays perfume or cologne or whatever in Dog’s face to break the momentum though and Adonis goes to work. Dog no sells two megaphone shots and they fight on the floor. The referee gets to about 8 and then we go into the ring and Adonis is thrown into Hart and falls BACK OUT OF THE RING after being completely in for the count out. I think they botched that one.

Rating: D+. This was a standard 80s match but I don’t get the ending at all. It wasn’t any good which I would blame on the wrestlers and JYD is an annoying waste of oxygen as it is so there we are. This was just filler.

Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Dick Slater

Oh yeah Slater is the rebel. No one cares. Sharpe is up there with Horowitz and Brawler in the jobbing hall of fame. Mike likes to talk a lot. The announcers talk about how great Sharpe is. Really? From what I’ve read he was completely OCD so having this many people in the audience must have driven him insane.

There really isn’t much here as it’s really a glorified squash for Slater who would never mean a thing in wrestling, at least not in this company. He was ok in other companies but he’s at his best in ring stuff here, which isn’t saying much at all.

Monsoon wants to know why Sharpe has had his arm in a cast kind of thing for over 8 years and Valiant just starts screaming at him that he should go out to dinner with Sharpe and ask him because Valiant doesn’t know. That came out of nowhere. Anyway, Slater hits an elbow from the top and jackknifes (it’s a king of rollup, not the powerbomb) him for the win.

Rating: D. Did we really need six minutes of these two guys? I certainly wouldn’t think so. This wasn’t interesting or particularly good but a jobber got beat up so there we are.

I think we had an intermission here.

Heenan is with Gene and he’s in a 6 man here. He says he’ll unmask the Machines tonight. He gets in a great line with “We have 70,000 people here because Heenan is wrestling and wrestling is Heenan.” He also manages to get the entire crowd chanting weasel.

Big Machine/Super Machine/Lou Albano vs. Big John Studd/King Kong Bundy/Bobby Heenan

Ah yes the Machines. Now this was the epitome of a comedy angle that took off for a little while. The idea was that Andre the Giant was suspended for (kayfabe) not showing up for a match. Soon thereafter two new masked guys from Japan appeared: Super Machine (Ax from Demolition) and Giant Machine (duh).

Over the Summer they feuded with Heenan, Studd and Bundy with guest appearances by Piper Machine, Animal Machine and Hulk Machine. It was total tongue in cheek, kind of like Mr. America with Hogan. They were eventually joined by Big Machine who was Blackjack Mulligan when Andre could barely move.

Andre was kind of the manager and only wrestled occasionally. The angle ended about two months after this to set up Mania 3. Anyway let’s get to this. We get a shot from the broadcast booth and the ring is TINY. Studd and Super Machine start us out. The Machines’ strength is freaking impressive.

Ax is by far and away the smallest one. What does that tell you? Gorilla says he’s been over 500 pounds before but at Mania 4 said the biggest he ever wrestled at was 440. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t trust Gorilla Monsoon! Ok I’m back now I think.

With Big Machine down Heenan comes in and goes for the mask. Super Machine is like screw that and drills him. Bundy was just a big fat waste of oxygen. You can tell he was just thrown into Mania. Look where he was just 4 months later. Heenan comes in again and Albano comes in also.

Super Mario kicks his head in for a bit but a thumb in the eye and the heels beat up Albano. Andre has had enough and just comes in there and starts cleaning house which causes the DQ. He was just freaking terrifying when he got mad. Ax being the smallest guy by far is a freaky sight.

Rating: C-. It was a comedy match so that’s fine. The Machines were just a fun team so this worked fine. Andre was very fun when he could move and this was no exception. It was nothing serious and it wasn’t supposed to be.

Jake Roberts vs. Ricky Steamboat

This is a Snakepit Match meaning anything goes. Roberts had DDTed Steamboat on the floor at a SNME and nearly killed him to ignite this feud which was the second biggest of the summer. Dragon had busted out a Komodo Dragon to counter Damien but neither are here tonight due to customs issues. The two commentators that talk say that the Canadian flag has an oak leaf on it.

Dragon dominates until we hit the floor where Jake takes over after a low blow. Steamboat gets a few chair shots in and that just was weird to type. Dragon just beats the tar out of him for awhile but gets reversed and goes over the top to the floor. Valiant thinks Roberts is a champion for some reason. Roberts is one of those guys that was supposed to be a heel but more or less became a face through just pure fan support.

Dragon starts bleeding after going into the post but fights out of the DDT. Jake is dominating now and getting face pops for it. And then he sits on Dragon’s chest and holds his arm up and you know the rest. They would have another match in a few weeks on SNME with the animals that I reviewed last night to close out the feud.

Rating: B. This was a very intense match. Street fights and the like simply didn’t happen in this era so this was insane at the time. Both guys were great workers so this worked out very well. Steamboat was about to have his throat messed up by Savage and you know the aftermath of that.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules

As you may know this one happened at Mania 3 as well. Gorilla is on his own for this one which is likely the best case scenario. Hercules has the insane hair here, looking like Mike Knox but not as tall and we’re told that since this has happened Slick has taken over for Blassie’s contracts.

What that has to do with this match is beyond me as neither guy ever managed either of them that I remember. Heenan had Hercules by Mania. What a nice break it is to just have Monsoon talking as he is just so easy to listen to. Apparently Hercules is managed by Slick.

OH YEAH I remember Heenan buying him now. Slick owned him for like a cup of coffee I guess. There’s no heat at all for this match as the fans are just dead. To be fair though this is like the 8th match so far. Also based on what everyone has said it’s really cold in the stadium. Haynes gets a backslide to get a quick pin.

Rating: C-. The lack of heat just killed this and I can’t blame them. No one cared at all and it just wasn’t that interesting. Both guys would mean very little until Hercules got a mini push in the following year or two. Boring match though.

Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Dream Team

The Dream Team is Valentine and Beefcake who Valiant usually manages. The Rougeaus are wearing red for some reason. Oh great and Valentine is too. We get an abdominal stretch and naturally Monsoon complains. The Rougeaus are one of those teams that just flows so well that it’s amazing to say the least. They’re also great high fliers that can just show off, kind of like the Hardys or something like that. Good night there are a lot of people there.

This is your standard 80s tag match which means that it’s pretty good. Beefcake just sucked back I the day though and this is no exception. He would be replaced by Bravo at Mania 3. After a very long and drawn out match which thankfully got enough time, we hit the brawl and Valentine has the figure four. In a SWEET ending, the illegal Rougeau gets a sunset flip on him as he bends over to put the hold back on for the pin. I love that.

Rating: B-. This was another fun and good match that did its job well. It’s the second longest match of the night after the draw from earlier and it’s one of the better ones on the card. It was solid but the really needed to get Bravo out there ASAP. Valiant is ticked off over that ending.

Harley Race vs. Pedro Morales

They’re both old and they’re both fat. They’re also rather slow and it’s not interesting at all anymore. The main event is next so this is likely Hogan’s effort to make people forget the previous good match so that he looks good next. He did it to the whole company in about 8 years with WCW. The referees have more or less sucked all night as they never count fast enough. Race gets a double leg trip and uses the ropes for the easy pin.

Rating: N/A. This was just a filler to put some space between the two matches that were good and nothing more.

Hogan says he’ll win.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff

This is the hottest feud in the world as Orndorff had turned face to help Hogan with Piper and Orton but Hogan had more or less been a jerk (I don’t know about you but I’m STUNNED over that) to him and wouldn’t answer the phone when he was working out. Heenan then poked Orndorff into believing that Hogan didn’t ever care about him but that Heenan always would.

Orndorff, wanting to be accepted and not used, turned to the dark side and beat up Hogan at a big show to set up this which launched the hottest feud in perhaps ever at this point. This was the only reason that this whole show happened on such a huge stage, much like Hogan vs. Andre. The only difference here is that there wasn’t a Savage vs. Steamboat to balance it out. Also, Mania would have nearly 20,000 more people, or another Madison Square Garden on top of this. That’s just completely ridiculous.

They start off with just a big freaking brawl and the fans are WAY into this. This is more or less all punching and chasing until Heenan makes the stop and the heel takes over. Orndorff was a different kind of heel as instead of this big fat slob, he was small and athletic which was something new for Hogan. Also there were a lot of people that were siding with Orndorff as Hogan had really just been a massive jerk to him.

Ladd really likes kissing up to Hogan. He’s getting into Vince territory, but then again Hogan has muscles and Vince is way too obsessed with musclemen. GOOD NIGHT that referee is slow. Paul dominates until Hogan starts to Hulk Up. He uses a jumping knee to the back of Orndorff and the referee is crushed. Hogan imitates Orndorff with the arm in the air for the clothesline which is how Orndorff turned on him.

He goes for Orndorff’s piledriver but Heenan runs in with a wooden stool to blast Hogan in the head. Why he had that is beyond me. For no apparent reason the referee wakes up and taps Orndorff to say that Hogan wins by DQ. Hogan wakes up and kicks his head in for no apparent reason other than being a jerk. We get a replay with no commentary for no apparent reason before posing and credits take us out.

Rating: B-. This was all about the atmosphere and not about the match itself. Even still this was fine as both guys were over in their respective roles and this was indeed a huge match. Hogan going over unclean was smart as it gave Orndorff a reason for a rematch which was required so all was fine here. I’m not sure I get why Paul was disqualified but it was Hogan’s world so there we are.

Overall Rating: D+. It’s definitely recommended though. This was a lot like Mania 3 where the main event was the only selling point to this but that’s all it needed. 70,000 people was just completely unheard of back then so this was light years ahead of anything ever seen before and still ranks right up there for all time crowds.

The main event is awesome for feeling if nothing else and while the rest of the card sucks, the crowd gives it the atmosphere that makes it worth seeing. Think of this as a rehearsal for Wrestlemania before you watch it, which you should as it’s a fun show if you’re an old school fan.

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First ECW on TNN
Date: August 27, 1999
Commentator: Joey Styles

From the title I think you get the idea here. This show is weird as it’s a lot like the old WWF TV shows as it’s a collection of previously aired matches thrown together here. The first show they taped was awful so they turned it into this. The main thing is Lynn vs. Van Dam from Hardcore Heaven 99 which I’ll re-review and see how it matches up with the original rating I gave it, which is something I don’t think I’ve done before. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of the Dudleys (who would leave for WWF in like a week) powerbombing someone through a flaming table as Joey says this isn’t WCW or WWF but ECW.

Cue theme song. The main focus is Tazz who would leave in like 2-3 months and everyone knew that was going to happen.

Joey lists off a bunch of people to have held the TV Title but says RVD might be better than all of them.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

I think this is new commentary here but I’m not sure. This is really just a way to introduce Van Dam and give us what they know is an exciting match. You can’t hear a word the ring announcer is saying. They start with a nice sequence where neither can get any real advantage but the fans love it. We actually get highlights of both guys in the middle of the match. I get that you want to showcase two of your top guys but dude, do it when there’s not a match on.

Van Dam gets knocked to the floor and Lynn takes over. Lynn gets a top rope bulldog for two. RVD is bleeding from…..something. I think at this point we go to a commercial as we get an ad for Anarchy Rulz. Joey suggests the Warrior could be coming to ECW. Oh dear. Yeah the commentary here is new. Lynn is bleeding too now after botching a fall to the floor and hitting his foot on the ropes. The replay has a rap song with it. Really?

Lynn gets a sunset powerbomb for two. What would an ECW match be without tables? Van Dam’s eye is messed up and made of pretty colors. Van Daminator in the stands as this match is kind of hard to follow. Another commercial doesn’t help as they don’t stop the match for it, which is either a good idea or a bad idea and I’m not sure which. Lynn gets another sunset powerbomb through the table on the floor.

CUE THE RAP SONG REPLAY! After a clip or a commercial, Fonzie takes a chair pelted at his head. Lynn goes for a top rope belly to belly but he just falls off. You know the chant we get from that. Cradle Piledriver is blocked and both guys are down. Split Legged Moonsault hits Lynn. PAY ATTENTION MORRISON. THAT IS HOW YOU DO THE FREAKING MOVE. And there’s the Five Star out of more or less nowhere but Lynn rolls through for two. Van Daminator and a HUGE Five Star ends it.

Rating: B-. The clipping hurts this a lot. It makes this look like far less of an ultra competitive match and more like RVD just breaking a sweat. It’s still good but at the same time it really makes Lynn look weak. At the same time though this was about RVD and that worked very well. This was still good but a different kind of good. I gave the PPV version a B as I still find these matches to be overrated by most ECW fans.

We plug Rollerjam (which as a kid I thought was a cool show. The women were hot if nothing else) and then talk about the ECW World Title, listing off guys that didn’t win it but tried to, such as Konnan, Benoit, Austin and Foley. I’m not entirely sold on talking about guys that USED to be here, but you could look at it like this: We had these guys before they were superstars. Imagine what kind of buried treasures we have here now. That makes sense.

Shane threw down the NWA Title, which meant nothing to most fans watching this show but whatever. That was 5 years before the debut of the TV show. Didn’t know that.

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Rhyno

This is from Hardcore TV or a house show. Rhyno hits a powerbomb 3 seconds in and Taz just pops up. Rhyno means nothing at this point which you can probably guess. Well we’re in Chicago if nothing else. Taz is massacring him here with Rhyno looking like a freaking  jobber. He’s hit two punches to the ribs and a no sold powerbomb. Tazz sets up a table and Rhyno hits new levels of offense with THREE punches to the ribs. Suplex through the table sets up the Tazmission. Total squash if there ever has been one.

Rating: N/A. This was DOMINANCE which is the idea I guess, but Rhyno looks like a joke here. The problem is that these matches are just random defenses with no meaning to them. We keep hearing about Steve Corino and how he’s Taz’s archenemy, but we never even see him.

Video on Sabu who is apparently awesome. No match or anything but just highlights.

Ad for Anarchy Rulz again.

Spike Dudley vs. Big Sal

Low blow and Acid Drop end it. Literally that’s the whole thing. Who is Spike? Who is Sal? “Spike has done it again!” What does he do? Apparently that’s not important. Ah ok they call him the Giant Killer.

The Impact Players introduce themselves and we have no idea if they mean anything or not. Cyrus pops up for no apparent reason as Jason makes gay jokes about Joey. We see clips of the Impact Players beating people up which helps a bit as we know they’re dominant.

House show ads.

We get a BUNCH of clips of guys and a brief description (as in their nickname) of them. It’s set to a Kid Rock song so what do you expect here?

Taz talks about how TNN and ECW are together now and how cool that is I guess. We get clips of famous people he’s made tap out. He talks for like three minutes and that ends this mess.

Overall Rating: D. This was a total mess. Considering this is the first show, this was just awful as you learn nothing about the guys other than Taz being a tough guy and RVD is awesome. Other than that though you get nothing at all here though and other than a single good match to start, this gave us nothing. We have no idea about any feuds or angles or anything like that as it was just a few squashes and one big match from months earlier. This just didn’t work as Heyman clearly didn’t know what he was doing, which became a theme here. Bad show and just a car wreck of an hour.

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This was announced much earlier today but I kept forgetting to talk about it.  That should sum up my feelings about DiBiase being gone. Not a bad guy but he didn’t do anything to separate himself from the pack.

ECW on TNN
Date: February 25, 2000
Location: The Rave, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 2,250
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting closer to the Living Dangerously PPV and I don’t think anything has been announced for the show. There’s also no announcement made yet on the future of the TV Title other than there will be a new champion. We’ve got three episodes left before the show so maybe we’ll hear some matches announced tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with Cyrus in the ring and the fans chanting RVD. He talks about how the network can’t have the TV Title on the shelf for twelve weeks, and here are Corino, Rhyno and Jack Victory. Tonight Cyrus gets to appoint a new TV Champion which will be…..Rhyno, the last man to be in the ring with Van Dam. Cyrus tells Paul Heyman to bring out the title and a cup of coffee but we need to get the way too long intro out of the way as Heyman comes to the ring.

Heyman is in the ring but Cyrus wants his coffee. Paul is clutching the TV Title belt to his chest as Cyrus berates him for not wanting to sell RVD out. He says Heyman is going to bend over for the network here on TNN but Heyman doesn’t seem interested. Heyman yells at Cyrus and finally hits him in the head with the belt. Rhyno Gores Heyman down and the beating is on until Sandman’s music hits. Naturally it takes forever for him to get to the ring and just as naturally the heels don’t do anything else to Heyman in the meantime.

PPV ad.

Post break and Sandman is STILL in the crowd. After about three minutes (literally) he’s in the ring and we’re ready for our first match.

Sandman vs. Rhyno

Oh wait we have to have Corino and Victory get in cheap shots so Sandman can swing his cane. Sandman and Rhyno head to the aisle and up by the stage with Sandy in control. Here’s a ladder into the ring but Sandman stops to get a table, allowing Rhyno to get in a cheap shot. Sandman sends him into the ladder, allowing him to bring in the table. A slingshot hilo onto the ladder crushes Rhyno and a top rope rana (the Heinekenrana) puts Rhyno down again. Cue Tajiri to spray green mist, allowing Rhyno to hit the Gore through the table for a pin.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling and that’s all I’ll say about this nonsense.

Post whatever that was, Super Crazy comes out for the save.

We get a highlight package of that whole thing which has taken up nearly half the show.

Gertner starts his limerick but Joey cuts him off to talk about Rhyno claiming to break Rob’s leg. He doesn’t have much to say about it but at least he cut off the funny stuff.

Doring and Roadkill run into the Dupps in the back. Somehow we get a loser leaves town match booked in about 20 seconds.

Dupps vs. Roadkill/Danny Doring

The Dupps (Bo and Jack) are as low brow “comedy” as you can get with the duo playing REALLY stupid country stereotypes. The Dupps run Doring over to start but Roadkill comes in with a springboard double clothesline followed by a double splash in the corner. A wheelbarrow slam/top rope legdrop combination end Jack Dupp to get rid of this stupid team in about a minute and a half.

Website and house show ads. Apparently Tommy Dreamer and Francine will be at some mall. No city or anything is given, but they will be there.

Here’s Tommy Dreamer with something to say. He does a Scott Hall survey with ECW winning the poll. Dreamer cuts out the nonsense and asks Raven to come out here to finish things. Instead he gets Francine who understands that Dreamer is trying to protect her. She’s seen the tape though and Raven DDT’ed her by mistake. Naturally the fans want puppies. Francine rants about what she’s done in ECW, including guiding Dreamer to a tag title. This is supposed to be a burning line for some reason.

We get a clip of Raven accidentally knocking Francine out cold and here are the Impact Players. Dreamer insults Dawn Marie and suggests she just take her top off before challenging the Players to a handicap match. Storm says they’ll put up the titles if Dreamer can find a partner. Why he’d do that is anyone’s guess but somehow it turns into Francine naming Raven as Dreamer’s partner.

Tag Titles: Impact Players vs. Tommy Dreamer/Raven

Tommy gets beaten down for a bit until Raven comes out in dress pants and a turtleneck of all things. Storm accidentally superkicks Credible but Justin makes the save off the Even Flow. Dreamer breaks up a pin off That’s Incredible to Raven as it’s already broken down. It’s one of those brawls in the crowd where you can’t see any of the brawling between Dreamer and Credible as we have Storm and Raven slugging it out in the ring.

A low blow stops Raven as the other two are way at the other end of the building. Raven does the drop toehold onto the chair and here’s Dreamer at ringside to break the barricade apart. Actually it’s a row of seats in the ring and a double drop toehold sends the champions into the chairs. The Players are sent to the floor but Storm gets back in to set up a table. Justin and Raven head to the floor and Dreamer hits a Death Valley Driver on Storm through the table for two with Dawn Marie making the save.

Cue the girl fight as the freaking Sinister Minister comes out because we aren’t overbooking this nonsense enough. Raven accidentally throws powder in Dreamer’s eyes, causing Tommy to DDT Francine (the chick with long hair, as opposed to the champions who have one head of short hair between them). Dreamer loads up a DDT on Storm but gets blasted by a title belt for two. A top rope spinwheel kick from Storm and a spike tombstone on a chair is enough to finish Tommy.

Rating: D. And most of that is because of Dawn’s outfit. I’m tempted to start calling these the two man titles because there’s no tagging at all in these matches. Also, can we PLEASE find a story other than Dreamer hates Raven? It’s literally been the SAME IDEA since this show debuted.

The Sinister Minister sits in a bunch of trash and talks about fire before laughing a lot to end the show.

Overall Rating: Trombone. You think I’m wasting a regular rating on something like this? This show had nothing to do with wrestling and I don’t think they have any idea what it’s supposed to be. The Heyman/Network stuff makes sense, but what is it supposed to lead to? The Sandman standing up for ECW? More non-wrestling, as Sandman is embarrassing in the ring. It says a lot when this is making Nitro in 2000 look great by comparison. Again, not a wrestling show at all.

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According to Meltzer’s site:

http://www.f4wonline.com/more/more-t…r-glory-series

The current standings (number of matches in parentheses:

1. Magnus – 39 (7)
2. Bobby Roode – 34 (8)
3. Christopher Daniels – 30 (6)
4. Austin Aries – 28 (7)
5. Samoa Joe – 26 (9)
6. Jeff Hardy – 24 (7)
6. Mr. Anderson – 24 (9)
8. AJ Styles – 22 (8)
8. Kazarian – 22 (7)
10. Joseph Park – 17 (8)
11. Hernandez – 7 (7)
12. Jay Bradley – 0 (7)

So apparently the Series is out of time, given that the finals are scheduled for two weeks from this Thursday at the No Surrender special. Yes, amazingly enough you can’t have 12 guys wrestle 11 matches each in the span of a month. Basically everyone is about 2/3 of the way through their matches but the totals are going to be all over the place due to the inconsistencies. But at least we got to promote Ortiz vs. Jackson for another company.

Can this company go a week without something screwing up?

Odds are most of you haven’t seen every episode of Total Divas.  If they make the Total Divas the faces in this, here’s what they’re going to have to overcome from the “reality” show.Nataya – The most insecure, whiny person of all time.  Every episode so far has seen her complain about something, ranging from not getting on Wrestlemania to having to babysit the new girls to her love life.  Some of it is indeed justified, but GET OVER IT already.  For someone who was raised to be in the business and is clearly the best in ring worker from the show, she has a lot of things to whine about.

Trinity/Naomi – She’s the second best in the ring and one of the more likeable girls on the show, but at the end of the day she’s a cheerleader and little more.  At the end of the day though she’s loud and a bit annoying without enough personality to really stand out.  She’d be ok to push on her own and that’s about as good as I can say about her.

That more or less ends the good stuff to say about the cast.

Jojo – Uh…..she exists.  Seriously, she has no personality because she has no screen time on the show.  She seems nice but there’s nothing to her.

Eva Marie – The epitome of what’s wrong with the Divas’ division: she’s annoying, she can’t do a thing in the ring and she’s loud, meaning she’s being pushed.  The first few episodes focused on her bucking authority and lying to get to the top of the division.  She looks good and the red hair helps a lot, but we’ve seen her as a lying manipulative witch who got engaged and then was flirting with Fandango to get a spot on the main roster later that night.  Quite a hero.

Bella Twins – Yeah they’re different on the show but on Raw they might as well be the same person.  These two are EVIL on the show but the worst part about them is they seem very materialistic.  For instance, we spent a full episode with the Bellas going to Cena’s Tampa mansion and then Daniel Bryan’s childhood home in Washington.  While Cena’s place could have been a stand-in for Wayne Manor, Bryan lived in a modest house.  By modest, I mean a house that almost any sane person would be fine spending forty years of their lives in.  Brie Bella’s recommendation: TEAR IT TO THE GROUND because it’s not big enough.  You know, because everyone should be able to afford a multi-million dollar mansion with its own water slide.  Brie is also the person moving to Arizona to spend more time with her dog.

Ariane/Cameron – This is the one that drives me the craziest.  She’s loud, self-obsessed, cares about her looks more than anything else, whines about EVERYTHING, and talks like a stupid 15 year old girl.  For instance she wanted to get breast implants and spent the entire episode referring to them as her *cue stereotypical California valley girl accent* bewwwwwwwwwwwwwbies.  Basically she’s Laycool but FAR less charming.

These are the people that we might have to cheer against AJ.  For the love of all things good and holy, please let that be the case.  It would be GLORIOUS.

Note that this is very old and the quality isn’t what it would be today.

Smackdown (Debut Weekly Episode)
Date: August 26, 1999
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Well, since I just reviewed Summerslam 99 for the series, I figured I’d throw this in as well. It’s four days since Summerslam, and all you really need to know is this: HHH won his first world title three days prior to this on Raw. That’s about it.  This is also the debut of one Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah.  Let’s get to it.

We open with what else, a recap of the end of Summerslam and then the next night on Raw where HHH breaks JR’s arm, followed by Shane demanding that Foley defend the title that night. Shane gives him a chair, and he hits Rock who for some reason was doing commentary.

A pedigree ends the epic reign of Mankind, and puts HHH one step closer to Flair. This was the big eagle belt too, so it looks amazing. For some reason, Ross is fine after having his arm snapped three days ago. You have to love pro wrestling. The music and pyro go off as I remember everything from this, which is used perfectly in the game series which I like.

We open with a video in which there naturally are no Smackdown clips. That’s likely the only time in history that’s happened. I miss the old setup and intro actually. Also, you may be thinking the first Smackdown was months before this, but that was just a special. This is the first regular weekly episode.

Anyway, we start with HHH coming to the ring for the first time as world champion, which is kind of a cool moment I guess. HHH winning the title was actually very well done, as he had built himself up for over three years at this point, and delaying it one extra day was brilliant. We get a loud vulgar chant as HHH says he has four words for them: I am the World Wrestling Federation Champion. Yeah, I have no idea how that’s four words either.

This is actually a bad promo as he’s rambling quite a bit. He more or less calls out Rock, and since HHH is a person, the People’s Champion comes out. It’s pretty cool that the show was named after one catchphrase. The fans are insane for this guy. You know, I think I used to be a Rock mark. I love his lines but back in the day I didn’t. That’s just kind of odd. Oh, Rock challenges for a title match tonight.

HHH says he’s not in his league. They turn this into a war of words and Rock just owns him on every line. Despite being a former world champion, you can really see that this is like his first time going for the belt, as his character was completely reinvented in just 6 months. Oh crud HBK is coming out. I forgot he was commissioner at the time.

He makes the match tonight, and somehow takes two minutes to say the match is tonight. Anyone that wants to criticize Vince for taking too long should go after HBK. It’s horrid. Oh and he’s the referee tonight. This was in a period where you couldn’t have a match without there being a guest referee. I couldn’t stand it.

Since this hasn’t gone on long enough, SHANE comes in as we reach 15 minutes for the opening segment. He makes himself the second guest referee for the match. HBK says that can’t happen because Shane will be busy in a match. Apparently it’s against Foley, who ALSO has to come out. Naturally he has a mic.

Apparently all the talk about stroking and screwing has his excited. He messes up some words (intentionally) and rips off some Rock stuff which always makes me laugh. I was always one of the dozens and dozens, just so it’s known. Rock says screw this and hits the ring and we’re on.

The Posse runs out to help Shane but X-Pac runs out to beat up the Posse, then the Pope runs out to fight off Pac, followed by Wolverine because he just doesn’t like the Pope, but he’s countered by the entire population of Uruguay. Literally, ten people were involved in that one segment. We’re twenty minutes in and that’s all that’s happened so far. This isn’t going to be easy is it?

Apparently there’s a triple threat tag title match tonight. Also some guy named Jericho has his first match. Test might get an answer to asking Stephanie to marry him, and we all know how well that winds up.

Jarrett is dragging Debra and Miss Kitty (who debuted Monday) to…some undisclosed location that I guess was supposed to be the ring. Billy Gunn is coming to the ring too.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Billy Gunn

Ok, so Jarrett won the IC and Euro belts on Sunday but on Monday he gave the Euro one to Mark Henry. Also, there was an open contract to face Jarrett for the IC belt and Gunn ran off to find a pen. In between Chyna signed it, kicking off her and Jarrett’s great feud. On Monday though, Jeff hit Chyna with a guitar, and Billy hit Jarrett, leading to this match.

See how nice it is to have two shows in a week where stories can be built up? See how nice that is? This is non title. I’m not a fan of Billy, but his running leapfrog was always pretty cool. Chyna comes out as Kitty gives Jeff a guitar. She accidentally nails Debra, allowing Gunn to roll up Jeff for the win. Chyna gets in and he starts to moon her but Chyna low blows him.

Rating: B. This is the first match in the history of Smackdown (technically) and Billy Gunn wins it? Wow, that’s a trivia answer no one wants. Anyway, this was actually a pretty good match. You have to judge TV and PPV matches differently due to time, and I’m doing so here.

Just keep that in mind: what I call a good match on TV doesn’t mean it would be good on PPV, which is what the majority of my scale is based on. Anyway, this was short but sweet with a lot of high impact moves in a very short timespan.

Lillian Garcia (WTF?) is with Al Snow in the back, saying that Pepper has been kidnapped by Bossman. Snow is freaked out over this.

Jericho has Finkel polishing his boots. That’s just funny.

We cut to Test who is pacing around nervously.

Tag Titles: APA vs. X–Pac/Kane vs. Big Show/Undertaker

APA lost the belts to Pac and Kane who lost them to the two tall guys, so there’s your backstory. The first thing that I notice here is that for the majority of his career, Taker simply has not cared about belts. Aside from his time with the WHC, do you ever remember him wearing a belt? On his way to the ring here as a tag champion, Paul Bearer is holding his belt for him.

It’s like Taker just doesn’t care, which can be good, but at the same time, I prefer someone like Austin who would throw the belt around and make sure that you KNEW he was the champion of the world. Anyway, just as the match starts, Taker sits down at the announce table, saying that this is going to be hard love for Show. Apparently Show wants to learn to be like Taker and he’ll do whatever it takes to do so.

This starts off fast and never stops being fast. Like I said in the Summerslam review, the problem here is that X-Pac is just out of his league here. Think about it. There are 6 people in this match. Aside from X-Pac, the smallest is Ron Simmons, who is a tank. X-Pac just doesn’t look right in there. This match really could be split into two parts.

Early in the match, we have the stereotypical Big Show, who is powerful, but can’t put together a good offense if his life depends on it. Kane and Bradshaw knock him to the floor and Taker calls him over. He slaps him in the head to begin the second half of the match. After this, Show dominates and once Kane is sent to the floor, Show chokeslams the tar out of Pac to win.

Rating: B. This was another good TV match. It’s about 5 minutes long but there are no slow periods in that 5 minutes at all. It is nonstop action the whole time which makes it very good. On TV you have to hold your audience as they have a bunch of other channels to watch. On PPV you don’t have to worry about that as you have their money already. This was well done and fast paced, making it a good match.

Test is still walking around. Stephanie arrives but doesn’t answer him yet.

Bossman comes out and says that Snow needs to come out. He says that Snow gets his dog back for a title shot. If not, he’ll kill the dog.

Commercial. There have been others but this is the only one where you can really tell that it is. Lawler pitching Magic cards is kind of funny.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Big Bossman

I guess he stole the dog on Monday. Yep, the dog is nervous and Jerry is no longer dry. Yeah that’s not really funny. Snow only cares about getting his dog back so he’s distracted. This is all of three minutes long and ends with Bossman slamming Snow in the head with the nightstick.

He of course leaves, stealing Pepper again in the process. A week later they would meet in a hotel room where Snow would be given dinner that was, you guessed it, Pepper. It ended up being decided in the Kennel From Hell match. If you from to see something awful, go look that one up.

Rating: C. I’ll go with average because it’s just too short to really grade. Snow did next to nothing, but that fit with the storyline of him being nervous and upset. I really don’t know where they thought this would wind up going, but whoever thought the Kennel match was a good idea should be shot.

In the back, X-Pac leaves, yelling about how he’s tired of losing. Yep, two losses to a dream team really is a horrible thing Sean. Kane calls out for him, and Ross says the rather dumb line of was that Kane? No JR. It was Elvis.

Jericho is on his way to the ring for his first match.

In the arena, Snow wakes up and is told that Pepper is gone. He SPRINTS to the back. I’ve never seen someone in wrestling run that fast.

Commercial.

Rock and HHH are shown on a split screen getting ready, as Ross says another brilliant line: it’ll never get any bigger than this. Well thanks JR. Now I know there’s no point to watching the future shows since this one will be the best ever. Seriously, how is he in the HOF and Solie isn’t?

Snow is frantically looking for Pepper and Bossman.

Road Dogg vs. Chris Jericho

As I said in the Summerslam review, Road Dogg was perfect for Jericho as he was someone that was equally good on the mic and therefore could match Jericho on the mic. Also at this time, Jericho was using the double power bomb for his finisher. We get some generic insults, but as predictable as he was, Road Dogg had all kinds of energy and charisma which no one can deny.

At this time, Jericho was the internet god who was being wasted in WCW forever and when he was signed, the IWC collectively orgasmed. Ross says this should be something. Yes JR, it’s called a wrestling match. If it wasn’t something, nothing would be happening. Jericho gets his Canadian teeth kicked in early on by Road Dogg, until the warrior Howard Finkle (I didn’t name him that) comes down and sprays something in Roadie’s eyes.

This lets Jericho just go nuts on his back, eventually turning into a Dudley and grabbing a table. He sets it up for Road Dogg but it gets countered into a DDT. We get a short comeback before Jericho counters into the double powerbomb with the seconds through the table. You know, if Roadie hadn’t grabbed Jericho’s hands, Jericho might not have been able to lift him for the second. Just a thought. Walls of Jericho follows as the suits run out for the save.

Rating: C+. It was ok I guess. I don’t get the point in having Jericho lose his first match other than to make Jericho look insane. That works I guess, but the in ring work wasn’t great for me.

Back from commercial, we see Jericho talking to Howard about how he had his job stolen by Tony Chimmel, and that Howard is a warrior and should go get it back. We cut to the arena where Tony is introducing a match, only to be interrupted by the music of the Ullllllllllllllltimate Warrior.

Fink runs down, hits the ropes and pounds on his chest as I try not to hurt myself from laughing so hard. He yells at Tony, which is weird to hear in that velvet smooth voice. He shoves Tony down, but of course gets the tar beaten out of him for it by Tony. This was hilarious, but the fans aren’t sure what to make of it. Jericho comes out and gets Fink and they leave.

Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis

This never happens and Val is never seen. Ken passes Jericho and Fink on the way out and Jericho sends Fink after him. You can guess how this goes, but he distracts Ken long enough for Jericho to nail him with a chair and kick off Jericho’s first feud. Shamrock would be fed to Jericho and never be heard from again.

Stephanie comes out next. She needs to heave her hair straightened more often. Test is getting a very solid pop here. For the life of me I don’t get why they just threw him in a tag team. I heard rumors they were going to actually put the belt on him for all of a week but instead it stayed with HHH.

Granted this was about 5-6 months later. The fact that Stephanie said that doing this in the ring was perfect is just funny to me. I guess wrestling runs in her blood. Anyway, Test gets on one knee and she says yes immediately, completely no selling the question. Shane and the Posse run out, breaking their word from Sunday’s stipulation. Mankind comes out and chairs all of them for the save. He grabs a mic and says that they need to have their match right now.

Mankind vs. Shane McMahon

Before we start, Mankind says that Shane can have one good shot first. He turns his back and Shane hits him, but Foley is down for about 5 seconds before popping up and beating the tar out of Shane. The Posse is still out cold in the ring while this is happening. Just as I say that Mick rolls them out. Shane tries to run but gets caught because Foley is the fastest man alive. Just making sure you were paying attention.

Foley hits a side Communist legsweep but the Posse beats on him. Test conveniently gets up at the same time to fight them off as the Stooges run out to also help beat on the Posse. This is just flat out fun. Even Stephanie gets in on it, beating on one of them. Back in the ring, Chyna and HHH run out and hit Mankind in the….some undeterminable area with a chair to let Shane win. This just further proves my Foley is a career jobber theory, now available in the Old School section.

Rating: C-. This was just a big brawl and Shane’s offense was a clothesline I think. It was meant to just kind of progress the feud without actually doing anything, so I can’t really grade it fairly.

Jericho and Fink are running away, but Jericho leaves him behind so Shamrock can beat on him.

Cole is following Tori down the hall as she’s topless. For no apparent reason, she takes her pants off and walks down the hall in just a thong without saying anything.

Cole interviews Austin from something that happened earlier in the week. Austin says that he’ll be back from the knee injury that HHH caused at Summerslam in about a month or so. Austin is asked about how HHH has been a lot more aggressive lately, which he has been, and whether or not he stole it from Austin, which he did.

Evening Gown Match: Ivory vs. Tori

You know the drill here: get them to their underwear to win. These two had one of the worst matches of all time at Summerslam, followed by Ivory trying to make Tori lose her clothes. This was just weird. I forgot how much I hate Ivory’s music.

We cut to the back where the suits won’t let Tori come out. For some reason King doesn’t understand the difference between various states of undress, which isn’t really that complicated. She comes out in a tshirt over her thong. The announcers call Ivory Tori about 5 times which is annoying. It’s over in about a minute as Ivory is stripped. Luna comes out to pull Tori off Ivory.

Rating: N/A. Not enough to grade, but it was just completely pointless.

Lillian is with HHH and Chyna. The booing is so loud you can’t hear Lillian talking. HHH threatens Shawn to stay out of his way or else.

Rock is walking down the hallway towards the ring. Shawn is walking down the hallway towards the ring. Al Snow is still looking for Pepper. Test and Stephanie are congratulated as they leave.

WWF Title: Rock vs. HHH

Like I’ve said, Shawn is guest referee. His shorts are downright absurd. HHH comes out first and I think I like this music more. Rock comes out and they start very fast. It’s HHH getting his head handed to him early on and after a brief comeback, Rock gets him ready for the Rock Bottom. He doesn’t get it though because he has to drag HHH to the middle of the ring so the move happens at a good camera angle.

Pedigree misses too, so that’s 1-1 on missed finishers. They brawl up on the ramp for awhile with Rock just beating the heck out of him. They brawl in front of the announce table and with HBK looking right at them, Chyna low blows Rock. She gets ejected and then spends at least a minute arguing, costing Rock a chance at a can’t miss near fall. I mean really, how rude. Rock could have gotten a solid two there.

Shane comes out as HHH is in control here in the main event of the night of run ins. The rest of the match is mainly Shawn and Shane arguing. Rock starts his comeback as Lawler keeps thinking Shawn is going to screw HHH. Shane finally gets punched. Rock Bottom leads to the elbow, but as he turns to drop it, he gets kicked in the face by Shawn. This is shocking for some reason, despite the fact that HHH and Shawn used to be best friends. Pedigree ends the show as Chyna, Shane, HHH and Shawn celebrate.

Rating: B. By far and away the match of the night. It was like a PPV main event but moving at fast forward speed. It was good and there was a decent flow to it. No one thought Rock had a legit chance at winning, so they did the best they could and it came out pretty well. The chemistry these two had was off the charts to say the least and this was just paving the way for the classics they would have next year.

Overall Rating: B. This is a show that benefited from one thing: it was just an extension of Raw and painted blue. By doing this, it more or less inherits the Raw juggernaut upon being created. This feels like an episode of Raw which means it’s great. If you like WWF at this time, you’ll love this. It’s a packed show, but it never feels rushed, which is a good thing. Find it if you’re interested. It’s not great, but it’s certainly not dull.

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WWF House Show
Date: August 25, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Commentators: Alfred Hayes, Gorilla Monsoon

I found a few shows from 1984 and now that I’m done with the book and the Wrestlemania redos I actually have time to get around to them. This is just after the Brawl to End it All the previous month, meaning this is either a very exciting time for wrestling or a bit of a downturn from the previous MSG show depending on how you look at it. The main event here is Santana defending the IC Title against Valentine which is almost always good stuff. Let’s get to it.

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Kamala

Kamala has Freddie Blassie with him here. The match takes forever to get going as Kamala has to be prepped for the match by his handlers. Strongbow runs around to start but his chops have no effect at all. Kamala misses a splash in the corner so Jay tries a sleeper, only to be rammed into another corner. Strongbow is sent to the floor for a bit before Kamala chops him down back inside. We get a quick warpath from Strongbow but he runs into a foot in the corner and the splash ends Strongbow in a hurry. Not much to see here.

B. Brian Blair vs. Mike Sharp

This is way before the Killer Bees so Blair is just a guy. Apparently Sharp is called The Wimp. Feeling out process to start until Sharp bails into the ropes to escape a hammerlock. Blair kicks him into the corner and we get a few crisscrosses. A few armdrags put Sharp down and a dropkick sends him to the floor. Sharp tries to bring in a chair which goes nowhere of course.

Mike goes to the eyes like a good villain and pounds away with some forearms to the back. A guillotine across the top rope has Blair in trouble but he comes back with a monkey flip out of the corner. Blair headscissors him to the floor and into the crowd as the match slows down again. Back in and Sharp wants a handshake and tries to get one for almost two full minutes. Blair cranks on the leg to no avail so Sharp hits a few backbreakers to take over.

A slam doesn’t work for Brian so they slug it out for a bit with Sharp taking over again. Blair is sent to the floor and kicked in the head a little bit…..then he’s kicked more…..and more……until Blair finally slides under the ring and sneaks up on Sharp. You know, because Sharp isn’t going to notice Blair disappearing. Brian sneaks up on him and knocks Sharp to the floor so they can brawl to a double countout.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t bad but it just kept going. It ran over thirteen minutes with about four of those spent standing around. This is one of those things that you got a lot of back in this period: random matches which had no story and no reason for them fighting, which is why the matches had to be excellent. The problem is this never got close to excellent, as was the case most of the time.

Rick McGraw vs. Salvatore Bellomo

This would be another match just like the previous one. Sal takes him down with a headlock but McGraw fights out with some armdrags. Off to an armbar on Sal as the match slows WAY down. Sal fights up twice and gets put back in the hold both times. Bellomo counters into a wristlock and is put back into the armbar. We’re five minutes into this match and about three and a half of them have been spent on this armbar. You can see the draw coming from here.

Back up and they grab a test of strength with Sal going down into a bridge. McGraw drops down onto him but can’t break the bridge. Sal goes to a quick chinlock but gets countered into a hammerlock so we can lay around EVEN MORE. Back up again and Bellomo fires off some forearms….and put back in the armbar. Bellomo fights up and puts him onto the turnbuckle before backing away. The fans are booing this out of the building. Sal puts on a standing chinlock of all things as we’re somehow ten minutes into this disaster.

Since that’s too interesting, we go down into a headlock on the mat. We actually get an entertaining bit as McGraw monkey flips him over but Sal lands on his feet and hits a quick crossbody for two. That’s too much for them though and we head to the mat for another armbar on Bellomo. Sal sends him out to the floor as this somehow slows down even more.

A sunset flip gets two for McGraw and it’s time to brawl. They slug each other down to the floor before heading back inside for a backslide by Rick and things stop dead AGAIN. Sal starts working on the legs before they get up and collide with each other to lay down even more. Both guys try dropkicks and since that works so well let’s do it again! They do it a third time in a row before trading near falls until the time limit expires.

Rating: F. I think you get the idea here. For one thing, apparently this match had an 18:07 time limit and the decision was made to spend about half of that in armbars. I understand that the idea is to burn through some time on the card, but there’s no excuse for boring your audience like this. Seriously, do SOMETHING with that time. It can’t be that difficult. Bellomo would be jobbing clean to BOBBY HEENAN in a few months.

They raise each others’ hands post match.

Tag Titles: Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch vs. Wild Samoans

The Samoans are challenging here and are definitely the crowd favorites. The champions say they’re going to win. Lou Albano is guest referee here for some reason and gets caught talking to the champions in the back before the match. Adonis and Sika get things going but everything breaks down in just a few seconds. The Samoans clean house with Adonis being choked in the corner before bailing to the floor.

Back in and Sika knocks Adonis into the corner for a tag to Murdoch. Dick tries an elbow to Sika’s head which has no effect. I miss the days of the racial stereotypes. The champions have their heads rammed together and bail to the floor again. Back in and both champions are slammed down with Afa coming in to help out as well. Murdoch gets double clotheslined and Adonis bails to the outside.

Murdoch tries a sneak attack but rams the Samoans’ heads together to no avail. Dick charges into a knee in the corner and tries to tag in Afa out of confusion. Off to Adonis for a slugout and a sleeper on Afa who finally sends Adrian into the corner to escape. The champions change with no tag and Murdoch comes in to pound away even more. An atomic drop puts Murdoch down and it’s off to Sika. Adrian goes up and gets crotched as everything breaks down. The Samoans tale over but yell at Albano and that’s a DQ.

Rating: D. Not the worst match in the world but it was a lot of standing around until the lame finish. Presumably this sets up a later rematch, but it wouldn’t be anything I’d be interested in seeing based on what we just sat through. The Samoans wouldn’t be around much longer, but their family would be coming back for years on end.

The Samoans clear the ring post match.

Ken Patera vs. Pat Patterson

Patera is a legit strongman and was in the World’s Strongest Man competition. These two feuded for the IC Title back in 79 with Patera taking the title from Patterson so there’s an actual history here. Patera takes forever to strip off his warmup stuff and I have a feeling Patterson wasn’t complaining. We hear about Patera being the reason Monsoon retired before moving on to the Wepner vs. Andre the Giant match back in the 70s. In other words, the announcers are already bored and will talk about ANYTHING else to avoid the match.

Patera shoves Pat around to start before getting locked in an armbar. A cross body gets two for Pat and he pounds away to tie Ken up in the ropes. Patterson takes it to the mat and wraps Patera’s leg around the post. He stomps on Ken a bit but Patera pokes him in the eye to take over again. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Patterson comes back with a slingshot into the corner for two. Pat goes up but Patera rolls away before any jumping occurs. Patera comes back with a hot shot and the full nelson ends Patterson.

Rating: D+. Another lame match here but given who was in there I can’t say I’m that shocked. Patera would be put in jail about a year later for fighting with cops at a McDonalds and not many people would care. Patterson retired the next month, which actually surprises me as I didn’t know he was even around at this point.

Jesse Ventura says he’s going to beat up Ivan “Puduski” tonight and then he’s coming for Hogan.

Jesse Ventura vs. Ivan Putski

Putski jumps Ventura on the entrance and the fans are actually waking up a bit here. Ventura hides on the floor for a bit before going back in, only to be shoved right back to the outside. Ivan hooks a headlock and pounds on Jesse’s head a bit before kicking him to the floor again. Back in (again) and Ivan grabs Jesse by the beard to pound away on him even more. Ventura rolls to the floor again as the stalling continues.

The Body puts a top wristlock on the much shorter Ivan and pulls him to the mat by the hair, meaning we can lay around again! Putski fights up and knocks Jesse to the floor but Ventura gets in a shot on the way back inside. Jesse pulls out some kind of foreign object to choke Ivan but of course doesn’t get caught. Ivan steals it away and clotheslines Jesse with it before choking as well. The referee seems to be fine with this. They head to the apron with Jesse hitting him in the throat and getting back in for a countout win.

Rating: F+. You wouldn’t believe this match was twelve minutes long would you? Jesse was a master at doing absolutely nothing in a match but still getting booed and this was no exception. Putski continues to be one of the most worthless wrestlers I’ve ever seen, as he has nothing of note at all and the match was incredibly boring.

Fabulous Freebirds vs. Butcher Vachon/Ron Shaw/Pete Doherty

Now here’s a rarity for you. This is 2/3 falls and to the best of my knowledge, this is the ONLY match for the Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Buddy Roberts and Terry Gordy) in the WWF. The Birds are good guys here and it’s Hayes vs. Vachon to start things off. Feeling out process to start with Hayes avoiding a shot in the corner before it’s off to Shaw. Hayes puts on a headlock and kicks Shaw in the face for good measure. Off to Roberts who pounds away on Shaw for a bit as we seem to be in squash territory.

Gordy comes in for a one arm slam before it’s off to Doherty. Back to Roberts who chases Doherty into the corner for a tag to Vachon. A slam puts Butcher down and here’s Hayes again, only to have him miss an elbow drop. The unnamed team pounds on Hayes in the corner but Gordy comes in for a save. Michael slides through the legs and tags in Gordy for a cross body to pin Vachon for the first fall.

After a break we start the second fall with Gordy locking up with Vachon. A few slams put Butcher down and it’s off to Shaw again. This goes about as well as you would expect for a jobber against a team the company is trying to get over as Buddy snaps Ron’s neck over the top rope. Doherty comes in and starts some triple teaming on Buddy which goes nowhere so here’s Hayes again to pound away. Doherty misses a legdrop and everything breaks down. Gordy gets all fired up and Doherty is backdropped down. An elbow from Roberts gets the pin.

Rating: D. I’m getting tired of writing that but it’s another uninteresting match which just kept going. The Birds would be back to likely Texas soon after this as the WWF wanted to split them up. To be fair, a three man team was only going to be able to do so much in the WWF, so the Freebirds weren’t the best fit around here.

Roddy Piper vs. Jimmy Snuka

Ok, this MUST be better than anything else tonight. I mean, by pure talent alone it has to be. This is just after the coconut attack by Piper so this is a really hot feud. Piper bails to the floor to start (popular move tonight) before coming back in for a hot slugout. Snuka easily chops him down and adds a headbutt for good measure. Piper tries a headbutt of his own and looks like he has a concussion. Roddy goes to the eye instead and pounds away at the head but Jimmy comes back with a chop to send Piper to the floor.

As they come back in, Snuka gets Piper caught up in the ropes and pounds away before hooking a sleeper. Piper gyrates his way out to the floor again and finally breaks the hold. Jimmy rams him into the post and into a chair for good measure to bust Piper open. They head back inside and Roddy looks TERRIFIED. Another headbutt puts Piper down but he counters the top rope cross body and sends Jimmy into the ropes. Snuka falls to the floor and is counted out in record time.

Rating: C+. This was BY FAR the best match of the night so far as it felt like these two wanted to kill each other. Piper charging in to fight Jimmy was a good idea as he looked more crafty than cowardly, which is a nice thing to see given how lame heels are booked in modern wrestling. These two feuded for a long time, with the feud being incorporated into the main event of the first Wrestlemania.

Post match Piper drills him in the neck a few times with a chair, resulting in a Snuka stretcher job.

Terry Daniels vs. Fred Marzino

Daniels is a small guy who hung out with Sgt. Slaughter around this time. We cut to the back to see Snuka being looked at by the doctor. We cut back to the ring to see an armbar then go to the back again to see Snuka have a neck brace put on. Marzino has a headlock on but it’s back to Snuka. Jimmy is starting to respond a bit here but can’t move his right arm. We cut back to the ring to see Daniels win with a sunset flip and a VERY fast count. We only saw about 40 seconds of the match so no rating.

Jimmy is now getting oxygen. Alfred Hayes can’t get much info but it’s some kind of a concussion.

Intercontinental Title: Tito Santana vs. Greg Valentine

Tito is defending. Valentine tries to take it to the mat but Tito is too quick for him and it’s a standoff. Tito tries the same thing and it’s another standoff. Santana hooks a headlock into an atomic drop and Valentine begs off. A back elbow puts Tito down and there’s a shoulder breaker followed by a forearm to the face for two. Valentine pounds away but Tito comes back for a slugout to take over. We cut again to Jimmy being taken out on a stretcher.

Back in the ring and Valentine has Tito in a reverse chinlock but he counters into….something as we cut back to Snuka being wheeled out. Greg pounds away on the back and neck before getting two off a belly to back suplex. Valentine keeps on the ribs but Tito gets in a shot to the Hammer’s ribs to escape. Santana tries a leapfrog but takes out the referee instead. There’s the flying forearm for the pin on Valentine, but the referee misses the foot being on the rope.

Rating: C+. Not bad here but it was designed to set up another match later on which is fine. These two had some insane chemistry and with some more time and more of a focus on the match, they could have had a FAR better match. Either way, decent stuff here and a good way to get the fans to want to come back later. Tito would drop the title to Valentine a month later.

Post match Valentine puts Tito in the Figure Four and cranks on the knee something fierce.

Tito is in the back and says his knee is hurt. He sounds like he’s in labor. Tito says he’ll be back for Valentine and he’ll defend the title in 30 days.

Valentine is very pleased with himself and what he did to Taco Bell Santana.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh MAN this was lame. The Piper vs. Snuka match is good stuff but much like the main event, it was all to set up another match. The problem is the rest of the show was DREADFUL with the third best match of the show being Mike Sharp vs. Brian Blair. They were at least trying which helps a lot. Terrible show here which was desperately lacking Hogan.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: August 26, 2013
Location: US Airways Center, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re in a good place in WWE right now with the big story on top and a lot of other good things going on underneath. Tonight needs to be the night that Bryan makes his first stab at the new Corporation after being laid out to end the last three shows. He’s still on fire, but people are only going to cheer a perennial loser for so long. It should also be interesting to see how many people watch this show with Cena not being there. Let’s get to it.

We open with Shield standing at ringside and looking up at the stage. HHH comes out to a face pop and talks about how this is the beginning of a new era. We get a clip from the end of Summerslam with Orton winning the title thanks to the Game. HHH says that was just business before we see a clip of the end of last week’s show. Now that was personal because Bryan insulted Stephanie and the rest of HHH’s family. HHH however is willing to be a bigger man due to the ratings and social media scores being up. In short, business is booming and it’s due to the new face of the WWE: Randy Orton.

Cue Orton to the ring for praise from HHH for bringing new life to the title. HHH has a gift for the new champion: a Cadillac Escalade. Oh I think we all know where this is going. Orton goes to look at the car but here’s Bryan before he gets too far. Bryan says that’s a sweet ride and way nicer than his Honda Fit. It’s well deserved too because Orton worked so hard for the WWE Championship. Bryan thanks all of the fans because he isn’t the biggest or the strongest or the prettiest (“That would be Twinkle Toes Orton”).

They’ve all supported him through everything and he’s grateful, but he also has to thank John Cena for giving him the chance at Summerslam. Lastly Bryan wants to thank HHH for ending the charade and showing his true colors at Summerslam. His view of what was best for business is as narrow minded as Vince McMahon’s. The rebel in the leather jacket is now another corporate suit who thumbs his nose at all the fans. Orton says think about who you’re talking to so Bryan says let’s hear it for the face of the WWE. At Night of Champions, the face is going to be rearranged, just like HHH’s vision for the future of the company.

HHH says that’s a cute fantasy and, I kid you not, sings When You Wish Upon a Star. Unfortunately for Bryan it doesn’t work that way in the real world. In the real world, Orton is an A+ and Bryan is just a B. As for tonight, Bryan can face Seth Rollins. If he beats Seth, then he can face Dean Ambrose. If he beats Dean, he can also face Roman Reigns. I can totally dig Shield as the personal enforcers of the new regime.

We look at the brawl last week between Axel and Punk. They fight for the Intercontinental Title tonight, but the fans get to pick the stipulations. You can pick Heyman as guest referee, Heyman banned from ringside or Punk gets to face Heyman if he wins. There’s no mention of this being a title match, despite it being called that on Smackdown.

Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango

Sandow is on commentary. Fandango tries to take him down to start but gets caught by a running elbow to the face. A front suplex puts Fandango on the apron but he kicks Cody in the face. Cue Fandango’s music with Miz and some girl dancing, allowing Cody to roll up Fandango for the pin at 1:08.

Sandow jumps Cody and Miz comes out for a brawl until Brad Maddox turns into a 60 year old bald black man and makes a tag match.

Damien Sandow/Fandango vs. The Miz/Cody Rhodes

Back with Sandow getting two on Cody before bringing in Fandango for some gyrating shots. Apparently Miz’s dance partner was Rosa Mendes. Back to Sandow for the Russian legsweep and the Wind-Up elbow for two. Cody finally gets in a shot and brings in Miz off the hot tag. Miz cleans house as Fandango walks out. Cody trips up Sandow, allowing Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin on Sandow at 2:56.

Matadores vignette. It’s so cheesy it might work.

Josh Matthews asks Christian about the HHH era. Christian says he survived the McMahon-Helmsley Era and is a bit hesitant to answer that question. Randy Orton pops in and says he’s going to beat Orton tonight. Christian says HHH likes to play with hammers and apparently he’s found a new tool.

If you get some App, you can see what Heyman thinks about the stipulations the fans can pick.

Punk wants to get his hands on Heyman and suggests the fans vote for choice #3.

Heyman doesn’t like the idea of there being a vote. If they’re going to show a segment with Heyman complaining, what was the point of the video on the App? Axel says Heyman shouldn’t be worried because Punk can’t outwrestle him. It’s better than perfect.

Curtis Axel vs. CM Punk

It’s non-title despite Axel challenging him for a title match on Smackdown and Punk saying “I accept.” The third option of Heyman having to face Punk if Axel loses wins with 81% of the vote. Punk goes right after Axel and grabs a headlock but can’t hit the GTS. Axel bails to the floor so Punk charges up the ramp at Heyman, allowing Curtis to get in a cheap shot. Back in and Punk escapes a chinlock and gets two off the knee in the corner. Axel rolls to the floor before the Macho Elbow can be launched but Punk hits the suicide dive as we take a break.

Back with Axel hitting a clothesline to the back of the head for two as Heyman is looking more confident. Punk comes back with kicks to the legs and back followed by a middle rope cross body for two. Axel snaps off a slingshot belly to back suplex for two followed by a snap Saito suplex for the same. Punk grabs a neckbreaker and the Macho Elbow gets two. The GTS is countered into a McGillicutter for another two count but the second attempt at the GTS is good for the pin at 10:52.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but the ending shouldn’t surprise anyone. It’s not like Axel is allowed to win non-title matches and there was no way he was going to win a match over Punk without shenanigans. Still though, not a terrible match or anything but it was part of a story instead of a match.

Post match Heyman won’t get in the ring until referees and security drag him to the gallows. Heyman blames Brock for the whole thing as Punk throws him inside. Naturally Axel makes the save with a low blow before Heyman gets killed. Heyman pulls out handcuffs to bind Punk’s hands behind his back, allowing Heyman to slap Punk around. He shouts at Punk to fight him so Punk gets up and kicks Axel in the head. Punk kicks Heyman down and gets in some shots to the back but Curtis comes in with a chair for the save.

Now Curtis brings in a kendo stick for Heyman to use. Punk: “MAKE IT COUNT!” Heyman shouts that he fathered Punk and that Punk was everything to him as he beats Punk down with the stick. Axel throws Punk onto the announce table and shouts that Punk deserves this before Heyman pounds away with the stick even more. Heyman shouts that he loved Punk and Punk broke his heart. Heyman is distraught as the fans chant something that sounds like boring. Screw them if that’s what they were chanting because the emotion here was great.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

JoJo from Total Divas is the ring announcer and we have the rest of the cast at ringside. Brie gets in a few shots, only to be quickly caught in a Sharpshooter. Nikki and Eva Marie distract the referee, triggering a big brawl. Brie hits a quick X Factor for the pin at 1:40.

Post match AJ comes out to make fun of Total Divas before calling the girls interchangeable and useless. They’re on reality TV because they aren’t good enough to be actresses or talented enough to be champions. AJ goes on about how the girls from the show are worthless and aren’t even worthy of lacing up her Chuck Taylors and that is reality. If you’ve watched Total Divas, it’s almost impossible to cheer any of the cast members as they’re anywhere between evil, stupid, liars, money hungry or the pond scum of the earth.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam

Ricardo has an RVD shirt on as the announcers talk about Edward Snowden for some reason. Apparently Del Rio’s thing now is to have Mexican flags in the corners of the ring. RVD kicks him to the floor and we take an early break. Back with Del Rio working on the ribs and getting two off a German suplex. The champion goes to the middle rope but jumps into a kick to the face, setting up Rolling Thunder for two.

The split legged moonsault gets two more and there’s the springboard kick to the chest. Rob gets crotched on top to break up the Five Star, allowing Del Rio to hit the enziguri for two. Ricardo gets on the announce table to cheer, distracting Del Rio long enough to allow Rob to get a quick rollup for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: D+. This didn’t do much for me which is partially due to the time. Also, I can’t stand the idea of having the champion lose a match basically clean to set up another title shot down the line. It doesn’t make anyone look strong and devalues the title even more. Have Van Dam pin ANYONE else and get the title shot, then have Alberto vanquish the latest challenger. It builds up the title and keeps the champion strong, but why would you want to do that?

We see Cena saying he has to have surgery last week and get some shots of his arm after the operation.

Ryback doesn’t like being called a bully so he grabs Josh Matthews by the face and shoves him to the ground. He says he found a way to shut Josh up.

We look at the Punk/Heyman/Axel stuff for the third time tonight.

Heyman, with blood red eyes, says Punk is like a petulant child who has to be beaten over and over until he learns his lesson. Paul says he feels like a man and now his prodigal son will learn to never come up against him.

Christian vs. Randy Orton

Non-title again. Christian grabs a quick rollup for two but gets taken down by a shoulder block. A quick attempt at the Elevated DDT is countered with a backdrop to the floor followed by the baseball slide. Back in and a reverse DDT puts Orton down, only to have him dropkick Christian off the top. Orton pounds on Christian before draping him over the top rope.

A knee lift puts Christian on the floor before we hit the chinlock for a bit. Christian tries a comeback but gets taken down by a headbutt and it’s back to the chinlock. Christian fights up again and they slug it out with Orton running into an elbow in the corner. In a scary looking spot, Christian goes to the middle rope for a tornado DDT but gets shoved down, bouncing off the apron on the way to the floor.

Back with Orton holding a chinlock before hitting a nice superplex for no cover. Christian grabs a quick small package for two but gets taken down by Orton’s clotheslines. The RKO doesn’t work and Christian gets a quick high cross body for two. Christian’s middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two, only to have Christian counter into a sunset flip for the same.

The Elevated DDT is countered again but Christian can’t hook the Killswitch. A tornado DDT gets two but Orton comes back with the Elevated DDT for two. The RKO doesn’t work and the spear connects for a very close two. The Killswitch is countered and Orton gets in a thumb to the eye, setting up the RKO for the pin at 15:20.

Rating: B-. Good match as usual between these two with things getting much better after the break. Christian is a solid hand to have out there as he can get a good match out of almost anyone. That’s an invaluable thing to have on the roster as Christian doesn’t need a world title to be over, yet the fans are going to cheer for him anyway.

Post match Bryan pops up on screen and says that was an A+ match (B- actually). He says that was such a nice car that HHH gave Orton earlier, but when Orton loses at Night of Champions, will Bryan be the new face of the WWE? Bryan steps to the side to show the word YES spraypainted all over the car. Cole: “Now it’s a YESCalade!”

Back with HHH, Orton and Brad looking at the car. For some reason Brad tells them that the locker room thinks this is hilarious. HHH says that the car and the belt are his personal property. Maddox is told to go to the stage to watch what happens to Bryan tonight. If anyone interferes tonight, they’re fired.

Titus O’Neil vs. Jack Swagger

Colter says if Mrs. Young and Mrs. O’Neil had been responsible, we wouldn’t be looking at an inferior tag team. Swagger takes him into the corner to start and pounds away before taking Titus down with a knee to the ribs. A DDT on the leg keeps Titus down but O’Neil comes back with a bunch of shoulder blocks and a fallaway slam. A chop block sets up the Patriot Lock but Titus quickly kicks him off. Jack’s rollup in the corner with feet on the ropes is broken up by Young, allowing Titus to hit a release spinebuster for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here as this feud continues to be completely one sided. The Colter promos are working but they’re being wasted when his guys keep losing every match they have. Then again you can’t have Young or his partner lose because some idiotic group would say they’re punishing him for being gay, because said group will have no idea how wrestling works.

We get a video from WWE.com with the Wyatt Family talking about Sister Abigail, who apparently inspired Bray Wyatt to become what he is today.

We recap the car stuff tonight.

Punk has refused medical attention and comes in to see Brad Maddox. He DEMANDS a match with Paul Heyman but Maddox makes it a handicap elimination match against Heyman and Axel at Night of Champions. If Heyman tries to get out of it, he’s gone. Punk says if Heyman does get out of this, we’ll never see Maddox again.

Daniel Bryan vs. Shield

Under gauntlet rules with Rollins getting the first crack at Goatman. The roster is on the stage to watch and Big Show has nothing to say about his match last week. Ziggler doesn’t say anything either and Miz stops himself before going too far with the criticism. Bryan fires off kicks to start and hooks a surfboard while also cranking on the neck. More kicks to the chest have Rollins in trouble and a Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor. Ambrose and Reigns close in on Bryan, allowing Rollins to drive Bryan into the barricade for control.

Rollins stomps away but Bryan fires off right hands out of the corner. Bryan moonsaults over him to set up the running clothesline and more kicks to the chest. Rollins ducks the big one to the chest and rolls to the apron for a Stunner on the top rope. Bryan ducks the springboard knee and catches Seth in a half crab but he’s too close to the ropes. Rollins rolls to the floor and the FLYING GOAT sends him over the announce table as we take a break.

Back with Rollins holding a chinlock before hitting a running forearm in the corner. He slaps Bryan in the face a few times and tells Bryan to stay down while doing the finger point. Seth goes to the other corner but Bryan charges at him with the running dropkick. Bryan comes back with the kicks and sits on a sunset flip for two. They trade some nice near falls but Seth takes his head off with a jumping enziguri.

An inverted Impaler gets two and Seth loads up a superplex, only to get crotched on the top. Bryan busts out a release German superplex with Rollins landing on his face. The running knee to the head (missed by the camera) gets the pin at 12:00. Ambrose immediately runs in to start pounding away but the YES Lock has Dean in trouble, only to have Reigns make the save at 12:30. Reigns’ match starts but Bryan catches him in a YES Lock right off the bat, only to have Ambrose and Rollins come in for the no contest at about 13:00 total.

Rating: B-. We’ll mostly ignore the last two thirds as they weren’t matches at all. That being said, the Rollins vs. Bryan stuff was really good other than the bad camera work. You can’t have Bryan beat Shield on his own of course and thankfully they didn’t have Ambrose tap out. It can be that simple sometimes but most of the time the champion has to lose.

Post match Shield destroys Bryan with the Triple Bomb as HHH comes out to make sure no one helps Daniel. Cue Orton for the RKO to end the show. This would be four straight shows where our final image is Daniel Bryan laid out.

Overall Rating: B+. Questionable ending aside, I really liked tonight’s show as it was all about the top two stories. The stuff filling in the gaps wasn’t bad either and it made for an entertaining episode. Nothing was overly boring on here and it set up some stuff for the future. I wasn’t wild on the way some of the matches ended, but at least we got some of the results we needed. Really strong show this week.

Results

Cody Rhodes b. Fandango – Rollup

The Miz/Cody Rhodes b. Damien Sandow/Fandango – Skull Crushing Finale to Sandow

CM Punk b. Curtis Axel – GTS

Brie Bella b. Natalya – Bella Buster

Rob Van Dam b. Alberto Del Rio – Rollup

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Titus O’Neil b. Jack Swagger – Release Spinebuster

Daniel Bryan vs. Shield went to a no contest

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