I’m finishing off Brock vs. HHH and this occurred to me.Back in 2008, the Smackdown title match at Summerslam was HHH defending against the Great Khali.  The idea of the match was simple: the only thing HHH had that could keep Khali down was the Pedigree so it was all he went for.  He finally hit his home run move and Khali DIDN’T GET UP.  Here’s what popped into my head: how long has it been in a WWE PPV main event that it took one finisher to beat someone?  It was a running joke in Rock vs. Cena and it’s an annoying problem.  Based on the logic of you can hit however many finishers you want, right hands could be considered a finisher as if you hit enough of them you’ll win a match.

HHH vs. Khali is shockingly good too. Check it out.

Smackdown
Date: August 16, 2013
Location: SAP Center, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re two days away from Summerslam and the card is finally set. The main matches have gotten the best builds, which makes the most sense given that they’re selling the show entirely. There isn’t much to talk about tonight as we’ll mainly be focusing on a final push towards Los Angeles and Summerslam. Let’s get to it.

Theme song gets us going.

Here are the Wyatts to open things up. After a video recapping the Wyatts vs. Kane, Bray says the Family’s actions have been misinterpreted lately. Once upon a time there was a special little boy who went to school but the kids there were cruel. The boy was bigger than the other kids so they made fun of him and beat him up for being himself. One day that boy decided to change the world, but instead he ran away and hid behind another crutch.

He hid behind a mask and thought it would make everything better. That boy was Kane and everyone eats up his lies. Well Bray Wyatt says no more while crawling around on his knees. He walks on water just because he can and bites the head off a snake just to taste its poison. This Sunday in the City of Angels, Bray will prove that one man’s nightmare is another man’s paradise, so follow the buzzards.

Kane’s pyro goes off and Kane runs in from behind, taking out the Family before going in to fight Wyatt himself. Bray charges at Kane but gets punched down in the corner. The Family comes back in again and Bray runs Kane over, allowing the Family to beat him down. Bray is in the corner, bending over backwards so he can watch this upside down. Sister Abigail lays Kane out. Bray continues to be so eerily creepy that the character is perfect.

Damien Sandow vs. Christian

Jobber entrance for Sandow as he handcuffs the briefcase to the post again. Sandow headbutts him down to start but gets his neck snapped across the top rope. A middle rope dropkick gets two for Christian but Sandow drapes him over the top rope to take over. Off to a body vice before Christian is thrown to the floor again. A whip into the steps puts Christian down again and we take a break.

Back with Sandow holding a chinlock but Christian fights out with elbows to the ribs. Sandow fires off some knees to the head to take over but gets backdropped down moments later. The reverse DDT gets two on Sandown but he ducks a cross body to put Christian down again. Christian’s sunset flip out of the corner gets another near fall but Sandow cartwheels out of the Killswitch. The Russian legsweep sets up the Wind-Up Elbow but Christian small packages Sandow for the pin at 5:20 shown of 8:05.

Rating: C. The match was ok but the same problems are here as they are in all Sandow matches: he never feels like a favorite to win anything and his offense isn’t building to anything because he doesn’t have a big finisher. I know he has the Terminus, but when is the last time that won a match? Sandow needs some big changes to his in ring work if anyone is going to buy him as a threat. The worst thing is most of his problems aren’t even his fault. He’s been booked as a loser and it’s really hard to get out of that downward spiral.

Post match Sandow goes after Christian again and gets speared down, just in case you thought he had some dignity left. Del Rio comes in from behind and lays out Christian. He says Christian will never be champion and loads up the cross armbreaker but Christian counters into the Killswitch. So Del Rio and Sandow just both got laid out in the stretch of a minute, yet WWE will still wonder why no one is impressed by either guy.

Renee Young asks if RVD is worried about the other members of Shield interfering. He looks over his shoulders and sees Big Show and Mark Henry. “No, not really.” The giants say they’ll be watching RVD’s back on Sunday.

Kaitlyn/Natalya vs. AJ Lee/Layla

Natalya gets us going with Layla with Nattie taking over with a headlock on the mat. Layla keeps getting taken down but she kicks out of a Sharpshooter attempt. An AJ distraction lets Layla get in a cheap shot and it’s off to AJ for a choke. Natalya finally snapmares out of it and brings in Kaitlyn to clean house. A backbreaker gets two on AJ and she charges into the fireman’s carry gutbuster for two. Everything breaks down and Layla trips up Kaitlyn, allowing AJ to hit a Shining Wizard for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: C-. Not much to see here but Kaitlyn’s fall down the Divas’ ladder continues. At least her feud with AJ is pretty much done after this Sunday as we’re moving towards Layla vs. Kaitlyn and AJ vs. Natalya. I don’t know if someone has taken over the division but it’s been much better lately.

Ryback laughs off the question of why he isn’t on Summerslam. He says he lives for brutality and beats up a backstage guy to show how mean he is. Ryback has a spiffy new vest.

Video on Punk vs. Lesnar on Sunday, focusing on Punk’s time as a Paul Heyman Guy. I think some of this is from Punk’s documentary. Punk asked Heyman to not accompany him to the ring anymore and Heyman cost Punk the MITB case. Heyman brought Lesnar back in and Brock destroyed Punk, setting up Summerslam. Really good video here, highlighting everything in the feud and doing a good job of making the match feel like it’ll be a war.

We recap the opening with the Wyatt Family and Kane.

Shield vs. Mark Henry/Big Show/Rob Van Dam

Rollins ducks a right hand from Henry to start and is easily shoved into the wrong corner. A hard slam puts Seth down again and Van Dam comes in with a kick off the top rope. The standing moonsault gets two but Ambrose comes in off a blind tag and clotheslines RVD in the back of the head. A loud WE WANT BIG SHOW chant starts up as Reigns comes in with a big slam of his own. We hit the chinlock for a few moments before Roman just stands in front of Rob and looks at him.

A quick spin kick puts Reigns down and it’s off to Big Show off the hot tag. Big Show cleans house until Roman low bridges him to the floor. Show seemed to be grabbing his hamstring or hip. Henry runs over Reigns and throws him at the announce table but Rollins dives over the top to take Mark out. Big Show beats the count at nine and knocks Ambrose out cold with the right hand. Rob comes in with the Five Star for the pin at 4:48.

Rating: C. Remember when Shield was stealing the show and having all those great matches against all star teams? Now they’re losing in five minutes to another all star team on Smackdown. This combination could have had a good match with Shield if they had the time to work a tag team formula, but with less than five minutes and a third of that being spent on the floor and on the ending, it didn’t get to go anywhere. It was fun while it lasted though.

The Miz vs. Jack Swagger

Colter calls Miz a phony and blames Hollywood types like him for allowing the destruction of America. Miz takes him straight into the corner and rains down right hands before going after the leg. Jack kicks him away and sends Miz into the corner before doing pushups on Miz’s back. A shoulder block puts Miz down but he catches Swagger in the reverse DDT backbreaker and a neckbreaker. The short DDT gets two for Miz and he goes up top, only to be distracted by Cesaro and shoved off the top. Colter and Cesaro are ejected, allowing Miz to get a quick rollup for the pin at 3:18.

Rating: D+. For some reason I still like Miz. He’s nothing special in the ring and would be better suited as a commentator, but I still like him. This was just a way to remind us what Miz does before he’s host of Summerslam, which I’m guessing means he’ll have authority of some sort at the PPV. Swagger continues to be nothing of note.

Curtis Axel vs. Zack Ryder

Non-title. Feeling out process to start with Ryder grabbing an armbar. Axel comes back with right hands and sends Zack into the corner to take over. Ryder gets the knees up in the corner and dropkicks Axel down, only to miss the Broski Boot. Curtis ducks a high cross body and a hard clothesline puts Ryder down again. A quick belly to back suplex puts Ryder down as a CM Punk chant starts. Axel hits his neckbreaker into a Diamond Cutter for the pin at 2:59. Pretty much a squash.

Post break Heyman says he was outsmarted on Raw by CM Punk. Punk snuck up on them and hit Lesnar in the face with a camera, so congratulations. Heyman talks about the marketing for Summerslam shifting from Punk wanting revenge to being hunted for revenge. Punk goes down this Sunday.

Video recapping Cena vs. Bryan. The idea of having Cena pick Bryan as the opponent was brilliant.

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

No DQ. Bryan takes him to the mat and hooks Barrett’s legs for a surfboard but stomps Wade’s knees into the mat. Wade comes back with a shot to the head but Bryan backflips over him in the corner and hits the running clothesline. Now a clothesline from Barrett puts Daniel on the floor and Wade whips him into the barricade. A big boot misses and Barrett gets caught on the barricade, allowing Bryan to fire off some kicks.

Goat Boy pulls out a table but gets rammed into the announce table and sent into the steps to put him down again. The table is sent into the ring but Barrett brings in a kendo stick for some shots to the back. Bryan gets the stick away and Barrett bails to the floor, only to get caught by the FLYING GOAT. Back in and the missile dropkick puts Wade down….and here’s Vince. In a PLAID SUIT.

We take a break and come back with Barrett getting two off a neckbreaker. Vince is looking on from ringside. The table is set up in the corner but Bryan hurricanranas out of a powerbomb. The flying knee off the apron puts Wade down but Barrett sends him into the post to take over. Vince: “YES! YES! YES!” Back in and Wade drives the chair into Bryan’s ribs but a middle rope chair shot only hits mat.

Bryan Hulks Up and hits the running dropkick in the corner before picking up the kendo stick. He alternates between stick shots to Wade’s shoulder and kicks to the chest. The big kick to the head misses and Bryan puts on the YES Lock but Vince pulls the referee out before the submission. Barrett hits the Bull Hammer and Brad Maddox comes out for a regular speed two count.

Bryan escapes a pumphandle slam and kicks Wade in the head but Brad won’t count. Daniel stares him down and Vince slips the kendo stick to Barrett. Wade knocks Brad out by mistake and Bryan puts Barrett through the table. Vince puts on the referee shirt but here’s HHH to referee. Bryan hits a swan dive on Barrett for the pin at 13:15 shown of 16:15.

Rating: C+. Did we really just have four referees (if you count Vince) for a Smackdown main event? This was getting close to the Attitude Era style of so insane it’s entertaining. However, this match makes me worried about what Cena vs. Bryan is going to be like. Those two could have a masterpiece but they might have Vince and HHH take the match over and drag it down. If Cena’s arm is that badly hurt though, that might be all they can do.

Orton comes out and holds up the briefcase to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The matches weren’t all that great but this show was about getting us ready for Summerslam. They did a great job at hyping up Punk vs. Lesnar with some of the videos and I’m looking forward to Wyatt vs. Kane more than I was earlier. That being said, Cena vs. Bryan is looking shakier and shakier every day with Vince and HHH being there because there’s nothing wrong with making the main event of Summerslam a pit stop in their big story. This was a good enough show though and did its job of promoting the PPV.

Results

Christian b. Damien Sandow – Small Package

AJ Lee/Layla b. Kaitlyn/Natalya – Shining Wizard to Kaitlyn

Rob Van Dam/Big Show/Mark Henry b. Shield – Five Star Frog Splash to Ambrose

The Miz b. Jack Swagger – Rollup

Curtis Axel b. Zack Ryder – Neckbreaker into a faceplant

Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett – Swan Dive

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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At least they’ve having a good time with some of this stuff.

http://www.wwe.com/shows/raw/2013-08-12/john-cena-five-moves-of-doom-26140514

Also since it’s appropriate, I’m a contributor to Scott Keith’s blog.  Keith is credited with inventing the term Five Moves of Doom for Bret Hart back in the 1990s.  I do NXT, Nitro, Thunder Smackdown and Impact (temporarily) reviews for him and there’s a ton of great stuff over there.  He’s pretty much the reviewer I modeled my own style after.  Check him out at:

rspwfaq.net

Clash of the Champions 33
Date: August 15, 1996
Location: Denver Coliseum, Denver, Colorado
Attendance: 8,304
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

We’re at one of the final editions of this show and it’s probably a good thing. This is right after Hogan won the world title as a member of the NWO and tonight it’s his first defense which is against Flair. This isn’t a terrible looking card on paper and I vaguely remember watching it when it aired. I’m on a WCW 96 kick for some reason so this isn’t completely off from what I just got done with. Let’s get to it.

We get a series of clips of Hogan destroying various people as head of the NWO, saying if he’d do things to Savage like he did then what would he do to Flair who he can’t stand? Good question.

Tony and Bobby talk for a bit and we get a video from Nitro with the Outsiders vs. Sting/Luger. The Horsemen came out for a save when Luger was down. This was around the time when Nick Patrick was about to join the NWO but he hadn’t quite done it yet. This was part of attempt #1 to get WCW united out of about 8375, none of which worked.

Crusierweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio had won the title on Nitro the night after Hogan turned and this is a rematch. Tenay shows up for this one. Rey is AWESOME at this point given that his knees are still in their original form here and he’s about 40 pounds lighter before steroids happened. Yeah young fans, the Rey you see today is a giant compared to what he debuted as.

Dean jumps him before the bell and the beating is on. He’s relatively heel here but only as heel as he could get. Rey speeds things up, flying all over the place for a bit to tick Dean off. He speeds up again and takes over with ease. The move that would become known as the 619 is still a taunt here and Rey tries to get at Dean’s mind with it.

Dean slows things down and hits a slick move by setting for a powerbomb and dropping back into a hot shot. JUMPING brainbuster should kill Rey but it only gets two. Cool move by Rey as he gets a running start, grabs Dean and rolls backwards into a Fisherman’s suplex for two. Chinlock goes on by Dean to slow things down. We take a break and Tony says if anything happens we’ll show you. No replay is shown so did they just stand there? Was it a game of freeze tag?

Rey gets a running start and gets LAUNCHED into the air but lands on the middle rope. After catching his balance for a second he backflips off, starting an insane pinfall reversal sequence. That’s reminiscent of one of my all time favorite spots. Shortly after Rey debuted in WWE he was facing Noble on Smackdown.

Jamie threw him over his head (more or less throwing Rey into a leap frog) and Rey landed on the middle rope, didn’t stop for a second and bounced backwards, catching Noble in a rana into a pin. Noble totally telegraphed it but who cared man. That was insane and my jaw hit the floor when I saw that, which does not happen with me. We start talking about Nick Patrick and how he’s apparently become white. And black. That joke didn’t work as well as I wanted it to.

Dean with a leg lock that gets him nowhere. Oddly enough Dean is winning with power here. Rey sends him to the floor and gets a HUGE tope con hilo into a senton. He more or less botches the heck out of a Lionsault off the guardrail but to be fair the big spot just before that makes up for it. Springboard version of the West Coast Pop (doesn’t have that name here) gets two. Now we’re talking about the tag titles for no apparent reason at all.

One of Dean’s signature moves is a gutbuster out of a fireman’s carry off the middle rope. The problem here is that Rey weighs 130lbs soaking wet with a brick in his pocket, so when Dean elevates him for it he loses his grip on Mysterio so there is NOTHING to protect Rey as his ribs hit Dean’s knee. That looked incredible. He covers Rey who gets his foot on the rope. The referee counts three anyway but then waves it off. Rey uses the distraction to get the pin on a victory roll.

Rating: B+. This was AWESOME. You had Dean LAUNCHING Rey all over the place, making it look like Rey was flying. The big dives from Rey were top notch and that gutbuster looked incredible. Dean’s timing on that was great too as he had to move his knee into position to have Rey land on it. Great match here and very fun. Unfortunately we have to watch the other 78 minutes of this show.

Glacier is still coming. Holy sweet merciful crap that was one of the biggest bombs of all time. His entrance alone cost over half a million dollars and we had to deal with six months, yes I said MONTHS of vignettes hyping him up.

V.K. Wallstreet vs. Jim Duggan

Get it? VKM, obsessed with money, wears a suit a lot? Yeah it was crap. It’s Mike Rotunda, aka IRS. What does the R stand for anyway? There are fans with an NWO banner and Heenan isn’t sure what to think of that. These two are feuding apparently. Duggan gets a wristlock but Wallstreet gets the ropes. He looks at the camera and says he’s too smart for Duggan who is right behind him. Nice one dude.

Naturally we’re talking about Hogan vs. Flair almost nonstop here. After some basic back and forth stuff we hit the chinlock. Jawbreaker gets Duggan out of trouble. This is incredibly dull. Duggan gets a slam and tries to tape up his fist which was a thing he was doing at the time so the referee tries to stop him. In the ensuing chaos Wallstreet rolls him up for the pin. What the heck ever man.

Rating: F+. Just boring beyond belief here with nothing special going on whatsoever. This was one of those feuds that happened and I don’t think anyone actually remembers it. GrantedI don’t think anyone remembered it as it was happening either. Either way, this was dull beyond belief and a waste of 5 minutes counting introductions.

The Nasty Boys say they’re going to fight. They’ve been having issues with the NWO who they would soon try to join or maybe they already did. Knobbs says they want the gold. Oh and they should be in the triangle match for the titles.

After a break we’re with Gene again who says that earlier he and Tenay were interrupted by the Outsiders and wound up interviewing them. Want to know what was said? CALL THE HOTLINE!!! Oh dear.

Ultimo Dragon vs. Konnan

Naturally they call him Ultimate here because they’re stupid. Thankfully Tony and Mike say the right name but his graphic says Ultimate. Konnan is in regular trunks here which is weird to see. Nick Patrick is the referee here so I’d bet on a lot of the focus being on him because a referee is more important than the wrestlers.

Konnan dominates to start, taking Dragon to the mat and getting an insane looking deathlock/Cloverleaf on him. Dragon’s arms were between his legs and it looked painful very painful. He hits the floor and we hear about how Konnan is all bitter over losing his US Title, which would lead to his heel turn. HEY! That’s a great way to start talking about Hogan!

Dragon sends him to the floor and Sonny lays in some decent kicks of his own. Somehow the referee has no issue with this at all either. Dragon takes over and gets a moonsault and a majistrol cradle for two. Konnan rolls through a German Suplex and uses the tights to get the very fast win. Under three minutes so no rating but this wasn’t anything special at all.

There’s a really old school internet chat going on and Ice Train is there. It’s on Compuserve of all things. Scott Norton, his old partner, jumps him there.

Meng vs. Randy Savage

This should be dull. Savage is badly injured here. Actually scratch the here part as there’s no Savage. That rock version of Pomp and Circumstance is pretty awesome to listen to though. Not so good to put on toast. Savage is too injured to wrestle so it’s a forfeit. Fans are not happy to say the least.

The Dungeon of Doom comes out to talk. Sullivan talks about how he’s never been a fan of Hogan and never praised him. He’s always told it how it is about Hogan and wants an explanation from Gene about him supporting the entire time. Jimmy cuts him off to say how great the Dungeon is…and a Leprechaun is here. No one talks about him but the camera shows him running all over the place. Apparently that’s Dwayne Bruce, the guy that ran the Power Plant and trained Goldberg. Yeah that’s it.

Bull Nakano vs. Madusa

These two had some great matches in Japan so this should be good. Madusa starts off very fast but can’t get much going. Nakano grabs her by the hair and spins her around the ring by it. That has to freaking hurt so she does it again! Nakano hits her with knunchuks twice and the referee is all cool with it apparently. Madusa totally botches a cross body, hitting Nakano in the feet. Top rope double axe handle to the floor kills Sonny (manager) who then kicks Nakano by mistake for the pin. This was very short but sloppy beyond belief. Terrible match indeed.

Flair and the girls say tonight it’s Flair vs. Hogan with Flair talking about how this is about being the best. He has zero chance to win the title but at least he’s acting intense. Flair says he has the Horsemen backing him up. Liz is so much hotter in the leather jacket and regular shirt than the dresses it’s unreal.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is for the Battlebowl Ring which is apparently a defendable title. Page is on the brink of the push of a lifetime as he would become the first guy to turn down the NWO and become the hottest face in the company for about a year. He has the look down here too. Eddie starts off fast of course but Page takes him down early. Guerrero’s shoulder hits the post so Page stomps on his ribs. He was still learning here.

Page gets a nice spinout gutbuster for two. Heenan still complains about the lack of arm work. DDP has an earring in his ear and Heenan suggests that Eddie rips it out. Brain could be a bit evil at times. They slug it out and Eddie pounds away, winning that aspect of the match. Batista Bomb gets two for Page. Page sets him for a top rope suplex but Eddie knocks him off and gets the Frog Splash for the win and the ring. Diamond Cutter post match and Page keeps the ring. More Diamond Cutters hit and Chavo tries to save which fails as well.

Rating: C-. Not much of a match here but it wasn’t bad. These two feuded forever with the idea being to get Page much better as a result. It kind of worked but the people were tired of the feud once it was over. Anyway, they would meet again for the US Title at Starrcade and then Page would turn and everything would get awesome.

Hogan pops up to yell at Gene. He talks about how there can only be one great one and starting tonight…nothing apparently. This is rather pointless indeed.

Glacier is STILL coming. Exact same ad from earlier.

Chris Benoit vs. The Giant

Ok this has to be good right? It’s Benoit. Woman is helping Benoit out of his vest so Giant DROPKICKS him in the corner. Keep in mind that the Giant is more commonly known as Big Show. He’s still lean here and one of the most amazing athletes you’ll ever seen. This is the Giant that could have destroyed Andre, not the big oaf you see today. Giant immediately grabs him and gets the BIGGEST CHOKESLAM EVER, with every bit of Benoit above the post for the easy pin in 30 seconds if you stretch it out. Ok then.

Tag Titles: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Steiner Brothers vs. Harlem Heat

Heat are the champions here. This is a triangle match which has some different rules depending on what year it is. This time it’s one fall to a finish and you have to tag in and out. Sometimes it would be elimination, some times it would be three guys in the ring at once, sometimes it would be like this. You never could tell for sure. Ok, please give us something watchable here. I beg of you.

Scotty and Booker start us off. Luger drills Booker with a clothesline to take him to the floor and he’s shaken up. Scott, like an idiot, tags in Luger. If his team isn’t in the match, they can’t win the titles. Well he does have to dumb himself down so maybe that has something to do with it. Stevie in now and they take turns slugging each other down in the corner.

Rick tags himself in and kills Stevie with a Steiner Line. Top rope bulldog gets two as Luger breaks it up. We take a break and are back with Booker and Rick but Sting tags himself in to beat on Booker. There’s an interesting matchup. They alter the top rope rule again so Sting isn’t disqualified. Off to Luger now as the superstars are in control. We get into the psychology part here as everyone keeps breaking things up.

Scott REACHES to get a tag to bring himself in to beat on Sting. Sting has on purple and yellow. Must be an alliance with Cena. Back to Luger as this is getting more like a brawl by the second. Rick gets a nice reverse German suplex as we hear about how the air this high off the ground could be a factor. That’s rather true actually. Luger gets a fireman’s carry which is called the Rack for no apparent reason.

Everything breaks down and it’s Booker vs. Scott in the ring still. Everyone else is fighting in the aisle and here come the Outsiders! They beat the tar out of everyone else but the key thing here is that Nick Patrick does not see it. Scott gets the Frankensteiner but Patrick sees the Outsiders leaving and call that a DQ to throw the match out. Scott is right: that’s nonsense.

Rating: C. The match was starting to get good by the end but of course the referee is more of a focus than the freaking match so we’ll go with that instead. This isn’t much to talk about as far as the ending goes, but the rest of it was pretty good. It’s nothing I’ll remember in half an hour but it was ok while it lasted.

Gene talks to Patrick who says that it was a DQ. Gene says that it shouldn’t have been because it wasn’t in the ring. So freaking what? So if Nexus comes down and beats the heck out of Cena but doesn’t get in the ring it’s legal? Yeah this is rather stupid and Patrick is right here.

WCW World Title: Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan

Oh look it’s this match again. They talk about the 4th member of the NWO being around but no one knows who he is. It would be DiBiase which would actually save WWF in the long run as it freed up Austin. Fifth would be Giant. Both try to get in each other’s heads which only kind of works. Flair grabs a headlock as Tony tries to convince us that Flair is nervous. That’s very funny.

Hogan struts a bit as this is Larry Z levels of stalling. I love hearing Bobby go off about how he told us all so about Hogan for years. The match is two minutes old and we’ve had maybe 30 seconds of contact. Flair gets in chops and punches to take Hogan down to the floor and he’s very frustrated.

Out to the floor now with Hogan in control. They’re trying to make this out to be a huge match but it’s the same thing we’ve seen so many times before. That was an issue I always had with the NWO. Both guys had been in WCW maybe five years earlier and probably a lot less than that. Also it’s not like they were brand new as everyone knew who they were, but all of a sudden we’re supposed to be terrified of them?

Hogan works over Flair on the floor and mainly his back, but Flair gets him back into the ring and lands a suplex. Hogan, for perhaps the only time ever that I can remember as a true heel, Hulks Up complete with the basic offense. I’d love to have him do that more often I think. He was almost unbeatable with that so why not keep doing the same thing he’s done for years?

Legdrop misses and Flair goes for the leg. SHOCK AND AWE SHOCK AND AWE SHOCK AND AWE: HE GOT IT ON THE PROPER LEG!!! I have never seen him do that in his entire career! Flair gets the hold on the leg that Hogan just hurt and the champ is in trouble! After an attempt at a reversal, Hogan shoves the referee and cue NWO for the big beatdown. The Horsemen, Sting and Luger hit the ring for the save.

Rating: C-. This was your traditional Hogan match from this era: punch, punch, punch, scratch, punch, punch, leg drop. The Hulking Up thing was a nice add-on here though and while it’s not their worst match ever, these two never had that big epic awesome match that they were supposed to have. The matches tended to go downhill after a decent first WCW meeting.

Tony and Bobby wrap things up.

Overall Rating: D-. The lack of failure is only for the awesome opening match. Aside from that this is one of the weakest shows I can remember in a long time. They did nothing for the most part as everything ended in a DQ or was like three minutes long. Yes they had 9 matches, but when only one is good and two are ok and the other six are bad, what’s the benefit there? WCW was running on pure drama and hype at this point and it’s very clear here. Terrible show but at least it was relatively short.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

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Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17.404
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

This year has been all about the rise of CM Punk. In June he sat on the stage and ripped into John Cena and the WWE in general, leading up to the world title match at Money in the Bank in Chicago. Punk won the title in a masterpiece and then left the company as champion. Cena won the title from Rey Mysterio on Raw, but Punk came back with his title. Tonight it’s champion vs. champion for the undisputed title. Oh and Christian vs. Orton in the blowoff to the underrated feud of the year. Let’s get to it.

Adam Jones, some guitarist from Tool, plays the Star Spangled Banner. WE WANT MAN MOUNTAIN ROCK!

The opening video is about how Summerslam being where dreams are made. We shift to a shot of dominoes falling over. Punk talks about being the first domino being knocked over and starting a revolution. HHH is guest referee tonight because what would a major match be without him?

The theme song this year is Bright Lights Bigger City by Cee Lo Green. I usually don’t care for him but it fits the show well.

The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/John Morrison/Rey Mysterio

Cole IMMEDIATELY freaks out over Miz being on Summerslam. Miz keeps talking about how awesome he is until Truth cuts him off. This was when Truth was insane so he complains about things that start with the letter S, like spiders, Summerslam, Cee Loo Green and Conspiracy. Del Rio is the Raw MITB winner. The fans are WAY into Del Rio here for some reason. Mysterio gets a title shot at Punk or Cena tomorrow on Raw. Miz and Kofi get things going and the fans are actually behind Miz as well. Kofi hits a nice monkey flip followed by a dropkick before bringing in Morrison.

A double clothesline puts Miz down and the good guys do stereo nipups in a nice visual. Off to Truth who is tackled by Morrison but comes back with right hands to the face. Truth sends Morrison to the floor as the announcers talk about wigs. Thankfully Booker is there to get us back to the action by shouting BACK TO THE ACTION! Miz comes in with a kick to the head and puts on a chinlock, only to have Morrison kick him in the head to escape.

Kofi comes flying in off the hot tag and cleans house with his barrage of high flying offense including a cross body to Miz for two. The Boom Drop gets two and everything breaks down. Kofi gets two off the SOS but Del Rio breaks up the pin. Miz hits a kind of Diamond Cutter face plant for two and it’s Kofi in trouble from the boots of R-Truth. Del Rio comes in with a belly to back suplex and mocks Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise hand slap.

Kofi kicks him away but Miz breaks up a hot tag bid. Cole lists off Miz’s high school accomplishments as Kofi flips out of a sunset flip and stomps on Miz’s ribs to put him down. Hot tag brings in Rey to face Truth who does his usual backflip/splits sequence, only to have Rey kick him in the head. Del Rio breaks up a double 619 so only Truth takes the kick. Kofi dives on Miz and Rey hits a top rope splash on Truth for the pin.

Rating: B-. Take six guys, give them ten minutes and let them have fun. It’s an idea as old as time and it’s still used to this day because it still works. The good guys can fire up any crowd with their high spots and the fans were into the match as a result. As mentioned earlier, Summerslam is great at having good openers and this was no exception.

Johnny Ace wants an apology from Punk over a kick to the head on Monday. Punk gives an over the top apology and Ace walks away. Punk turns around to see Stephanie who wishes him good luck. He makes fun of Vince and she wishes both Cena and Punk good luck. “But I’m just Vince’s clueless daughter right?” Punk: “Yeah pretty much.” She offers him a handshake but he knows where it’s been.

We recap Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. Henry is just starting the Hall of Pain run and has been destroying everyone in sight and breaking a lot of limbs. He stood tall in the ring until Sheamus came out and said three simple words: I’ll fight him. It turned Sheamus face and made him very popular due to the simple idea of standing up to a bully. THIS is how you book Sheamus: have him in there against some monster and taking a good fight to him, not slumming it with Damien Sandow and winning each match with ease.

Mark Henry vs. Sheamus

Henry takes him down with a clothesline to start but Sheamus comes right back with right hands. The pale one pounds away and actually knocks Henry down to his knees, only to be thrown to the floor. Henry EASILY throws Sheamus through the ropes and hits a splash for two. A running crotch attack crushes Sheamus’ neck but he’s in the ropes before the count starts.

A backbreaker puts Sheamus down and it’s off to an Argentinean backbreaker to complete the set. Sheamus powers out, only to be sent chest first into the corner. Henry misses a Vader Bomb though and Sheamus has a breather. A series of ax handles to the chest and head put Henry down followed by the forearms in the ropes. They clothesline each other down and we get a breather.

Back up and Mark runs into a boot in the corner, allowing Sheamus to go up for the top rope shoulder, good for two. The Brogue Kick misses though and a clothesline puts Sheamus down. Sheamus slips out of the World’s Strongest Slam and there’s the Brogue Kick to knock Henry to the outside. Sheamus follows him to the floor but Henry drives him into the post and through the barricade in a great crash, allowing Mark to beat the count for a countout win.

Rating: C+. This was another simple formula: take two big power brawlers and let them beat the tar out of each other for nearly the minutes. It’s also a smart ending as Sheamus gets to stay strong but Henry gets another win. Sheamus would get a countout win I believe at the next PPV so it evened out. Good, fun brawl here.

World Heavyweight Champion Christian says his match with Orton will be an epic summer blockbuster. He’ll be like Harry Potter, making magic at every turn. Orton will be like Cowboys and Aliens: a flashy flop. That movie was good though.

Trailer for Killer Elite which is probably sponsoring the show or something.

Here’s Cee Lo Green for the mini concert. He looks like he’s in big sparkly pajamas but the song isn’t bad so I’m not complaining much. The fans aren’t moving at all for this but the vocals are pretty bad so I can barely hear a word he’s saying. Now he throws in his bigger hit Forget You, complete with Divas in red dancing behind him.

Now here’s a Slim Jim ad. I’m sure the fans are LOVING this stuff.

Now a 7-11 commercial. My goodness get to something else.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

I could go for a Slurpee. Back to 7-11 it is! Kelly is defending. Beth and Natalya are the Divas of Doom here and don’t like the Barbies like Eve and Kelly. Kelly and those AWESOME little shorts of hers go after Beth and we get the screaming headscissors. Beth is knocked off the apron and Kelly dives off the middle rope to knock her to the floor. Back in and Kelly flips out of the corner and Beth clotheslines her down.

Kelly gets dropped throat first on the top rope for two Eve plays cheerleader. This is a lot of standing around with Beth glaring down at Kelly before hitting a running Umaga shot in the corner. We hit the chinlock followed by the second over the shoulder backbreaker of the night. Kelly finally slips out and hits a quick neckbreaker to put both of them down.

Beth sends her into the Tree of Woe for no follow up before getting two off a side slam. Kelly gets in a knee to the face and goes nuts on Beth, only to have the handspring elbow countered. The Glam Slam is countered into a victory roll for the pin, just like every time Kelly beat Phoenix.

Rating: D+. All things considered, this was something resembling a miracle. The match was nothing of note but Kelly actually didn’t embarrass herself out there. She got WAY better over the years, but at the end of the day she was out there because of how good she looked in those tiny shorts. It also says a lot that less than two years later only Natalya is left from this match.

Stephanie leaves Cena’s locker room for some reason.

Truth and….Jimmy Hart of all people talk about a c-o-n-spiarcy. Jimmy offers to manage him and Truth seems interested before he realizes that Hart is…..LITTLE JIMMY! Truth looks over to see Ron Artest (Metta World Peace) and his daughter in a worthless cameo.

BUY TWIX!

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

I like Barret’s End of Days theme a lot better than the God Save the Queen one now. This is MITB fallout as Bryan knocked Barrett off to win the case. Bryan has some slow music which isn’t all that bad, but soon he would go to Flight of the Valkyries which works far better for him. Bryan is rocking the white trunks with red trim here which are pretty awesome. Feeling out process to start with Barrett punching Bryan down to stop the wrestling part of the match.

Daniel takes it to the mat and spins out of a wristlock before dropkicking Wade down. Cole says Barrett is a submission master as Bryan does the AJ Styles drop down into a dropkick, right down to the same overblown drop down. Back up and Bryan hooks a dragon screw leg whip and a running dropkick in the corner for two. Another kick to the chest gets two and Bryan backflips over Barrett, only to charge into the Winds of Change for two. A slingshot belly to back backbreaker gets two for Wade and we hit a reverse chinlock.

Back up and Bryan hits a running clothesline but Wade comes back with a big running forearm to the face. Wade puts Bryan in the ropes and kicks him out to the floor before hooking a chinlock. The hold doesn’t last long again but Bryan ducks a boot and crotches Barrett on the top. A dropkick puts him on the floor and there’s the flying knee off the apron. Back in again and the missile dropkick gets a close two for the American.

Bryan escapes a pumphandle slam and fires off more kicks to the chest for two. Wade ducks a clothesline and hits a big boot to the face for two but Wasteland is countered into the guillotine choke. Barrett goes down and there’s the LeBell Lock but Wade gets into the ropes for the break. Daniel loads up a superplex but Barrett crotches him on the top rope. A middle rope clothesline takes Bryan off the ropes and Wasteland is good for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: B+. I REALLY liked this for one reason: it was a good wrestling match. It’s a basic story of one guy wanting revenge for a loss in a big match, it had a good story in the ring with a striker against a technical guy and the action was good. Wade Barrett is a guy who can go in the ring but he’s the ultimate jobber to the stars and I have no idea why when he can do this.

We recap Randy Orton vs. Christian. Christian won the title at Extreme Rules but Orton came over to Smackdown to replace Edge as the top guy. Orton won the title on his first night on the show, ending Christian’s title reign in less than a week. Christian wanted one more match, turning heel in the process.

Orton beat him again, but Christian some how got one more match and if Orton got disqualified, he would lose the title. For once, that actually worked and Christian won the title. Tonight, it’s the final match with no holds barred. These matches kept getting better and better and if Punk vs. Cena hadn’t happened it would have run away with feud of the year.

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

Before the match, Christian brings out Edge to be in his corner to a HUGE ovation. After a full entrance, Edge says that he’ll never be cleared to wrestle again. When he first left, that made him happy because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. Edge didn’t think it was fair that Christian had to defend the title five days after a ladder match and Christian complained too.

Then he complained more and more and more and more. Then he wanted rematch after rematch and FINALLY he won the title back…..but he did it by disqualification. Yeah Edge did some bad things, but he did it with style. He didn’t hide behind lawyers and clipboards. Somewhere along the line Christian became a parody of himself. Edge didn’t know Christian would ever be like this, and that’s not good. Edge drops the mic, walks out, Christian freaks, and here’s Randy.

Remember this is no holds barred. Orton takes him into the corner and stomps him down before hitting a quick clothesline. Christian rakes the eyes and gets a quick one count off a middle rope elbow to the face. A backdrop puts Christian down and Randy stomps away but the champion chokes away on the ropes. Orton loads up the Elevated DDT but gets backdropped to the floor. Really back and forth so far.

Orton sends him head first into the barricade and loads up the announce table. The RKO is blocked and Christian grabs the belt before sprinting into the crowd. Randy catches up with him and stomps Christian down onto the concrete before heading back to ringside. Back in and Orton rains down right hands in the corner. Christian avoids a charge and sends Orton’s famously bad shoulder into the post to take over. The champion brings in a kendo stick to choke away before getting two off a back elbow.

Christian busts out a spinebuster for two and goes to the middle rope, only to be dropkicked out of the air. The powerslam puts Christian down again and now Randy gets the kendo stick. Instead of swinging though he catches Christian’s dropkick into a jackknife cover for two followed by the Thesz Press. Christian escapes the Elevated DDT into a Killswitch attempt but Orton counters into the backbreaker for two. The idea of this feud was that they knew each other so well and they would add another move to the string of counters every match. It was awesome.

Orton can’t hit the Punt but has to send Christian face first into the post to avoid getting crotched against the steel. Randy pulls out a pair of tables and slides one into the ring, only to have Christian drive him into the apron. Christian sets up the other table on the floor and they head inside where Orton superplexes him onto (not through as the table hasn’t been set up yet) the table for two. The table is set up in the corner but Christian counters the whip into the reverse DDT for no cover. Instead he loads up the spear but Orton jumps over and tries the RKO, only to be sent over the top and out to the floor.

Christian goes after him but is sent knees first into the steps to put him down again. Orton takes forever to set up the steps but gets sent face first into the steel again. Christian loads up the other announce table and blasts Orton in the head with the announce table. The champion tries an RKO through the table but gets caught in the real thing to destroy the table instead. Back in and Christian hits a quick Killswitch for two and Christian is furious.

The champion brings in a pair of chairs for the Conchairto but spits on Orton, causing Randy to move away. Now it’s Randy with the chair, cracking it over Christian’s back and knocking him off the apron through the table. Orton throws in some steps and trashcans before catching a charging Christian in a powerslam through the table in the corner.

Some HARD kendo stick shots to the back have Christian in even more trouble and the Elevated DDT crushes a trashcan. Christian tries one more rush but his sunset flip out of the corner is countered into the RKO (same move that gave Orton the title in the first place) onto the steps for the pin and the title.

Rating: A-. Much like the Undertaker vs. Edge Cell match a few years earlier, this was the perfect way to blow off a feud with Orton being the definitive winner. This feud did a great job of building upon itself with the extended sequences carrying over from match to match and building a deep psychology. Great match here and the whole feud is worth checking out.

Video on Axxess.

We recap Punk vs. Cena. As mentioned, Punk left with the title at Money in the Bank so there was a tournament held to crown a new champion. Mysterio won but lost the title to Cena the same night. Punk came out and held up his own belt, meaning we had two champions. This all happened in two weeks when it could have went on for months. The entire match is summed up with one idea: Cena doesn’t know if he can beat Punk. HHH is the new boss and is the guest referee tonight for no reason anyone not named HHH can figure out.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

Punk has more or less been turned face by the will of the crowd alone. Feeling out process to start with Punk grabbing a headlock and SHOUTING spots into Cena’s ear. Cena easily takes him down to the mat and slaps on a headlock. That gets him nowhere so Punk gets up and we have a quick staredown. Cena grabs a single leg and slaps on an armbar followed by a chinlock. Back up and Punk hits a quick leg lariat before hooking a chinlock of his own with a bodyscissors.

Cena powers out and hooks a quick fisherman’s suplex before hooking another chinlock. The fans chant Fruity Pebbles and WE WANT ICE CREAM as Punk gets up a quick big boot to the jaw. HHH hasn’t been a factor so far. A few knees to the ribs and a headbutt to the shoulder set up another bodyscissors from Punk as we’re barely in second gear nearly eight minutes into the match. Cena escapes again and they fight over a suplex off the apron. Neither guy can go anywhere so Punk kicks Cena in the head to knock him outside.

Back in again and Punk cranks on a neck lock but Cena stands up and suplexes out of it. Cena tries to speed things up but the shoulder block is caught by a knee to the head for two. The running knee in the corner misses and now Cena can initiate the finishing sequence, only to have Punk hit a knee to break up the Shuffle. CM tries a kick but gets caught in the STF, only to get to the ropes and counter the ProtoBomb into a downward spiral and a Koji Clutch.

Cena rolls out and puts on the STF but Punk slips in an arm to block most of the pressure before countering into the Anaconda Vice. Cena rolls out of THAT and tries the STF again but Punk crawls out before it goes on full. AWESOME sequence there as the gear has shifted hard. Punk backdrops him to the floor and hits the suicide dive but he bumps his own head in the process. HHH starts counting and gets to nine before going to the floor and throwing both guys back inside.

They slug it out back in the ring but Cena can’t hit the AA. Instead he busts out a GREAT dropkick and hits the Shuffle. The AA is countered again into a sunset flip for two followed by the high kick for two more. Cena escapes the GTS and hits a corner splash (?!?) and a sitout powerslam (that’s more like it) for two. The top rope Fameasser doesn’t get to launch as Punk hits the running knee to the head and the bulldog off the top for two.

Punk loads up another springboard but gets caught in the STF to put him in real trouble. He finally gets to the rope and pops up for a GTS attempt, only to be countered into the AA for a close two. The top rope Fameasser misses again and Punk grabs a quick GTS for two more. HHH still hasn’t been a major factor other than throwing both guys in. The Macho Elbow gets two and Cena goes into straight brawling mode but gets caught by another knee to the chin. GTS #2 connects and the three goes down but Cena’s foot was on the ropes before two.

Rating: B+. The match is good with that sequence in the middle being a big highlight but there’s one major problem for this match: it’s the sequel to Money in the Bank. That’s doomed so many matches over the years and while it didn’t sink this one, it certainly slowed it down a lot. Still though, good stuff here and definitely worthy of a major PPV main event.

Punk takes a victory lap around the ring but won’t shake HHH’s hand. The Game doesn’t seem too mad about it and raises Punk’s hand as the winner. HHH leaves, CM Punk poses, and KEVIN NASH comes in through the crowd and lays out Punk with a Jackknife. Cue Alberto Del Rio, briefcase in hand.

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

Kick to the head, Del Rio wins the title to end the show. This would turn into one of the stupidest and most ridiculous stories ever with Nash showing a text asking him to lay out Punk but it turned out he sent it to himself for one more moment in the limelight after a big fan reaction at the Royal Rumble. The end result of all this: HHH beating Nash and Punk.

Overall Rating: A. This is a GREAT show with some awesome matches and some great drama at the end. Now to be fair no one knew what the drama would lead to, but it blew my mind when I watched it at first. The rest of the show is awesome though with the worst match being the Divas. If the biggest torture I have to go through all night is looking at Kelly in those shorts and Eve looking gorgeous all dressed up, so be it. Great show here and well worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Kofi Kingston/John Morrison/Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio/The Miz/R-Truth

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

Original: C

Redo: C+

Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

Original: B

Redo: B+

Randy Orton vs. Christian

Original: B+

Redo: A-

CM Punk vs. John Cena

Original: A+

Redo: B+

CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Overall Rating

Original: A+

Redo: A

Ok the main event isn’t THAT good. I think we’re firmly at the point where my ratings are about the same for most matches.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/08/14/summerslam-2011-that-was-i-need-a-cigarette/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete 2001 Monday Night Raw Reviews at Amazon for just $4 at:

And check out my Amazon author page with wrestling book as low as $4 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 15, 2013
Location: Constant Center, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Tazz, Mike Tenay

This is another special episode with Hardcore Justice. The main event tonight is Bully Ray vs. Chris Sabin for Sabin’s world title inside a cage. We were also supposed to get the Main Event Mafia vs. Aces and 8’s in a loser (of the fall) leaves town match but it was postponed to next week due to “unforeseen circumstances”, whatever that may mean. The show should be fun tonight so let’s get to it.

Bound For Glory Series: Austin Aries vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Kazarian vs. AJ Styles

This is for 20 points and it’s a ladder match. The clipboard hanging above the ring has a piece of paper with the number 20 on it. Keeping it simple I guess. Kaz goes to the floor to get the first ladder but the other three block him from coming back in. Aries and Kaz fight for the ladder on the ramp with Austin letting go of the ladder to send Kaz to the floor. A top rope ax handle puts Kaz down but AJ knocks Hardy to the floor as well. AJ dives onto Hardy to take him down again and leave Styles as the only man standing.

Kaz gets in a ladder shot to put AJ down before climbing the ladder. Aries comes back in and crotches Kaz against the ladder, leaving Austin vs. Jeff in the ring. Jeff sends him to the floor but AJ pulls the ladder away for a showdown. Hardy tries a quick Twist of Fate but gets shoved off and sent to the announce table on the floor. Kaz comes back in with a slingshot DDT to AJ but has to have a forearm duel with Aries. Styles dropkicks the ladder into the back of Kaz’s head but Aries backdrops AJ to the floor. The company is living up to its name for a change as this has been nonstop action since the bell.

Aries runs interference to stop Jeff and AJ from going up the ladder before sending Kaz head first into the post. Austin tries a climb but gets pulled down by Hardy and Jeff knocks down the other two as well. Jeff and Austin both go up but Kaz and AJ make the save, sending all four guys down as we take a break. Back with Aries going up but being pulled down by Kaz before he gets too far. AJ stops both of them and hits the springboard forearm to send Austin to the ramp. The ladder appears to be bent or broken.

Kaz brings in another ladder to clean house but can’t climb up fast enough. All four guys go up at the same time and AJ gets his fingers on the contract but Aries shakes everything up with a sunset bomb to Hardy. Kaz and AJ are left alone on the ladder and they fight over a suplex off the ladder. Kaz rakes AJ’s eyes to put him down but Styles shoves the ladder over, putting everyone down again.

Aries hits his running dropkick in the corner on Styles and goes up but Hardy makes another save. Styles pulls Aries off the ladder and loads up the Styles Clash but Kaz pulls in a downward spiral on AJ at the same time. Kaz goes up but it’s Jeff making another save. Aries comes out of the corner with a missile dropkick to take them both down and goes up as well, but here are Roode and Daniels for a distraction.

Styles plays Shelton Benjamin by springboarding up to the ladder but Hardy shoves the ladder over, sending both guys to the floor. Roode pulls Hardy down as Daniels distracts the referee but Jeff kicks him off. Daniels slips the appletini to Kaz and Jeff gets blinded, allowing Kaz to get the win at 17:35.

Rating: A-. This was the simple formula of take four guys and let them dive off stuff for fifteen minutes or so. I’m not big on another faction in TNA because they’re already on overload with them, but at least they’re not involved with the other two. The action here was great though and they couldn’t have picked a better opener.

Chris Sabin talks about enjoying watching Team 3D put people through tables. Tonight though, he’s going to be 3-0 against Bully Ray.

Dixie Carter is in the ring with the Main Event Mafia. She talks about Angle being in rehab and how he’ll be there for an indefinite amount of time. Here are the Aces minus Bully before she can get too far into things though. Anderson talks about how the team only has a week to find a replacement. He talks about how Magnus could be leaving and says Magnus used to be the future.

Magnus says they only have a week to find someone new but they might just pull someone out of the audience. Anderson says tonight is the start of a new era for Aces and 8’s and the brawl is on. The Aces beat the Mafia down with ease and stand tall. That’s rather impressive when you have guys like Brisco and Bischoff on one side and a former MMA world champion on another.

Tito Ortiz is here.

Mickie James vs. ODB vs. Gail Kim

This is a hardcore match and not for Mickie’s title. ODB runs them over to start and hits her chest grabbing splashes on both girls in the corner. Mickie pulls her out of the corner but Gail isn’t interested in an alliance. Gail pounds on ODB as Mickie wedges a chair into the corner. ODB is whipped into said chair and the other girls get a stereo two count. Mickie rolls up Gail for two and they slug it out with until Gail is sent to the floor. Kim sends ODB back inside and goes to look for a weapon but gets a knee from Mickie instead.

James finds a kendo stick from somewhere and cracks ODB over the back before choking Gail with it. ODB comes back in and pounds on them with the stick before pulling one of her two bras out of the top to choke both girls with it. Mickie gets in a shot and puts on the figure four around the post as Gail chokes away but they can’t get along again. ODB gets a shot from the flask and sprays Mickie in the face but Gail breaks up the Bam. Another stick shot misses and ODB hits the Bam on Gail on the chair for the pin at 6:48.

Rating: D+. Did you know ODB was uncouth and does stuff that isn’t proper or whatever you call it? Don’t worry if you don’t because TNA will beat it over your head until you get the idea. The match was nothing special and felt more like a WWE style street fight with the really basic weapons and little more.

Sting yells at the Mafia and suggests Aries as a replacement.

Sting pitches Aries a spot in the Mafia but doesn’t get an answer. Aries does seem intrigued though.

Roode says his plan is coming together.

Sting tells the Mafia that Aries said no. Rampage has an idea and will address it in the ring. Joe goes with him and Magnus has an idea for Sting.

We recap Ray vs. Sabin in a nice, comprehensive video. To be fair though there isn’t much to recap.

Ray is on the phone with someone he calls honey and says this hasn’t been a normal relationship. Tonight is about Ray but next week is about the two of them. “I love you too Brooke.”

Here are Jackson and Joe with something to say. Jackson talks about MMA fans calling him a sellout for coming to wrestling. However now that he’s in the Mafia, he feels like he’s in a family. He didn’t come here to get beaten up though, so now he needs to ask an old training partner for his help. Jackson calls out Tito Ortiz and plugs the Bellator PPV several times. Rampage offers Tito the spot on the Mafia team next week but Ray interrupts (to the wrong music) before we can get an answer. Ray says he’d come in there right now if he didn’t have a title match later tonight. Ray threatens them, Ortiz is held back, that’s about it.

Bound For Glory Series: Magnus vs. Samoa Joe vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Bobby Roode

This is a tables match with the first person to drive someone else through a table getting 20 points. Magnus jumps Roode during his entrance and we start fast. They head inside as Joe and Anderson brawl on the floor with no tables brought in yet. Joe throws the first one in before taking Roode down with a powerslam. Anderson tries the rolling senton on Anderson but Magnus makes the save. The Mafia teams up to clean house but both of them try powerbombs through the table at the same time. Anderson and Roode fight out and turn the table over as we get a makeshift tag match.

Everyone heads to the floor and Joe rings the bell on top of Roode’s crotch. Anderson tries a Mic Check off the ramp through a table but Magnus counters into a failed powerbomb bid. A low blow puts the Brit down and Joe rings the bell again. The pairings switch off and Joe hits the Ole kick minus the Ole on Anderson. Back inside Magnus’ powerslam through the table is escaped and he walks into the Roode spinebuster. Everyone is back inside now and the Mafia is in trouble. Joe is whipped into Roode for a clothesline, sending Bobby to the outside.

Joe hits the suicide dive to take Roode out and Anderson gets caught in a bad looking Snow Plow. The table is set again but Anderson takes Magnus down with the Mic Check. Joe comes back in to chop Anderson and loads up the Muscle Buster but Roode moves the table. Roode sends Joe to the floor and puts Magnus on the table, only to get crotched on the top by the Samoan. Cue Kazarian to distract Joe, allowing Daniels to throw the appletini into Magnus’ face. Roode powerbombs Magnus through the table for the 20 points at 10:20.

Rating: C+. This was fun but ran a bit long. The ending being the same as the first one was fine but it didn’t really surprise anyone. I’m not a fan of the 20 points thing here because it sent Kaz and now Roode from the bottom to the top in one night, basically making whole months worthless.

Anderson and Ray get in an argument over Anderson costing Ray the title. Ray doesn’t know if he can win and Anderson says the club is here to help him. Anderson says he isn’t an enemy but Ray says he doesn’t seem like an ally.

Next week it’s Jay Bradley vs. Hernandez vs. Daniels vs. Joseph Park in a 20 point street fight.

TNA World Title: Bully Ray vs. Chris Sabin

In a cage with Sabin defending and if Ray loses, he never gets another shot at the gold. After the big match intros we’re ready to go. I think it’s pin/submission/escape here but the announcers don’t make it clear. Ray scores a quick slam but Sabin pops right back up. Another slam puts Sabin down even harder but he shoves Ray back. There’s a third hard slam but Sabin comes back with some armdrags and a dropkick to send Ray into the corner. Some forearms in the corner set up a delayed dropkick but Ray sends him onto the top rope. The champion comes off with a cross body for two and dropkicks Ray’s leg out.

Sabin goes up but gets crotched and LAUNCHED into the cage with authority. I’m guessing Bully’s authority but it isn’t really clear. Back from a break with Ray in full control and getting two off a big elbow drop. He shouts at Sabin to hit him in the face and the champion does just that, coming out of the corner with forearms to the face. Ray gets caught in a backslide for two but takes Sabin’s head off to regain control. Bully loads up a huge powerbomb but Sabin slips down into a sleeper, only to have Ray ram him into the cage for the break.

Sabin comes out of the corner with a nice tornado DDT but can’t immediately follow up. They slug it out and the champion gets all fired up by chopping Ray down. He actually hits a Death Valley Driver on the big man but doesn’t cover. Sabin takes Ray’s Aces cut off and whips Ray across the back with it, only to get kicked in the face for two. A Samoan drop gets two on Sabin but Ray gets caught while climbing. Sabin tries a rana out of the corner but drops Ray down on his shoulder, sending Ray across the mat, clutching his shoulder and screaming in pain.

Hail Sabin is countered into a suplex and Ray wants the door open. Sabin tries to slide past Ray but gets pulled back in. Ray misses a charge and sends the referee into the cage, knocking him out cold. Sabin hits a missile dropkick on Ray but there’s no referee to count the pin. Anderson slams the cage door against Sabin’s shoulder but Sabin pops right back up. Anderson: “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Cue the Mafia for the save but Ortiz hits Rampage with the hammer, allowing Ray to kill Sabin with the powerbomb for the pin and the title at 18:08.

Rating: C+. Good cage match here but you knew the swerve was coming. Ortiz turning (was that a turn? I don’t think he was ever a face to begin with) isn’t really a surprise and it was pretty obvious that Ray was walking out with the gold. It’s a good cage match but the lack of any drama really didn’t help much.

Overall Rating: B. This was a really solid show and with the extra matches that are scheduled for next week it would have been even better. If only there was a way to have all the stuff you get on TV plus a bit more, say on a different night of the week to make it feel special…..nah that would never work. Anyway this was the usual good stuff from TNA when they try and have no Hogans dragging them to a grinding halt. The problem I see for TNA though is they pretty much have three stories going: Ray’s ongoing story, the Series and the Mafia vs. the Aces and 8’s. If you don’t like those, you’re out of luck. Good show tonight.

Results

Kazarian b. AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries – Kazarian pulled down the clipboard

ODB b. Gail Kim and Mickie James – Bam on a chair to Kim

Bobby Roode b. Magnus, Samoa Joe and Mr. Anderson – Roode powerbombed Magnus through a table

Bully Ray b. Chris Sabin – Powerbomb

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NXT
Date: August 14, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, William Regal

Things are getting better in NXT as we now have a heel champion instead of a face champion that no one can stand. Other than that we have Shield vs. Xavier Woods/Corey Graves/Adrian Neville in what has the potential to be a solid six man tag. The crowd should love the Shield if nothing else. Let’s get to it.

After the usual opening, here’s Paul Heyman to get us going. He’s here to look for a new Paul Heyman Guy and is thrilled by what he sees in NXT. Heyman appreciates the ECW chants but he’s here to look for the future rather than to live off the past. In the back, there is the next Paul Heyman, or the next Brock Lesnar, or the next Curtis Axel, the latter of whom comes out to a mixed reaction. Paul talks about how awesome Curtis is and says there’s no one in Florida who can be the next Axel.

This brings out Big E. Langston to a HUGE reaction. He says he’s man enough to take down Axel for the Intercontinental Title but Heyman isn’t pleased. Axel says he’s got this one and agrees to face Langston at say…..Thanksgiving? Or maybe Christmas? Langston cuts him off and says defend it tonight or Axel proves that he’s not good enough to hang here in NXT. That’s enough for Axel to accept the challenge and we’re on.

Intercontinental Title: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston

Axel pounds away at Langston’s head and speeds things up, only to be caught in a nice looking belly to belly suplex. Curtis is sent to the floor and we take a break with Heyman yelling OH MY GOD at Langston’s strength. Back with Big E. holding a chinlock and hitting five big punches to the ribs.

Axel gets in a kick to the gut and a clothesline to the back of the head to put Langston down. A quick dropkick gets no cover and a big THANK YOU PAUL chant breaks out. Another dropkick gets two and we hit the front facelock. Langston easily powers out and fires off a series of clotheslines and knee lifts before running Axel over. There go the straps but Heyman comes in for the DQ at 4:38 shown of 8:08.

Rating: C-. This was fine. We certainly won’t going to get a title change here but the crowd was WAY into Langston and Axel got in enough offense to not look like a joke. Big E. can hold his own in the ring and is looking like a more well rounded worker every time he’s out there. That’s very impressive given that he’s only 27 and has only been in wrestling for a few years.

Post match Langston goes after Heyman but Axel makes the save. Curtis loads up a belt shot but walks into the Big Ending for the five count.

Sami Zayn says he’s got a long running issue with Bo Dallas but now he’s got to deal with Cesaro and Colter accusing him of being an Arab or an evil French Canadian. He thinks the moment that tipped them off was when he spoke Arabic or when he announced himself as being from Montreal. At the same time though, he challenged Cesaro to a match over a month ago but hasn’t heard back. Zayn will up the ante though: we can make it 2/3 falls.

Mason Ryan vs. Scott Dawson

Dawson gets in his face to start but gets crushed into the corner. As the beating continues here are Enzo Amore and Colin Cassidy for a distraction, allowing Dawson to get in some cheap shots. Not that it matters as Mason’s cobra clutch slam is good for the pin at 1:30.

Ryan cleans house after the match.

Women’s Title: Paige vs. Summer Rae

This was supposed to be Emma’s title shot but Summer beat her down last week and gets the shot instead. They fight over a lockup to start and Paige gets a quick two off a cross body. Paige throws her across the ring and stomps Summer down in the corner, only to be slammed face first onto the mat via a caught boot.

In a unique move, Summer puts Paige’s head between her (Summer’s) legs with Paige on her knees (think a victory roll position but on the mat) and slams Paige face first into the mat before turning her over into a rollup for two. A monkey flip gets two for the challenger and Summer cranks on a headlock. Paige drives her into the corner to escape and catches Summer’s boot in a nice callback. The Paige Turner is good for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: C-. This was short but it worked well enough. I’m assuming they’re setting up for Emma vs. Paige as a big match which is fine, but the bait and switch isn’t NXT’s normal style. Summer’s in ring work isn’t all that great but she’s far better in the ring than someone like Aksana. Paige was her usual good self here.

AJ says she’s defending the title against someone next week but she isn’t sure who it’s going to be. It could be anyone from the boom mic operator to her mom to Renee Young. Bayley comes up behind her and gives her a big hug. She’s REALLY excited to see AJ and apparently has been following her all day. Bayley would like the title shot and thinks they’re friends, but they’ll be even BETTER friends after the title match. AJ gets another big hug and gives a look that says she’s admitting defeat in the battle of the crazies.

Dolph Ziggler will be here next week.

During the break Emma attacked Summer Rae. A ticked off Emma could be interesting.

Shield vs. Corey Graves/Adrian Neville/Xavier Woods

Graves vs. Rollins gets us going with Corey sending him right back into the corner for a meeting with the Shield. Seth charges in for an armdrag but Graves keeps rolling through and armdrags Corey down instead. Off to Neville for a dropkick to the knee and one to the chest for two before the tag is made to Woods. Things speed up a bit and Woods snaps off a headscissors for two. The NXT guys keep up the frequent tags with Graves cranking away on Seth’s arm. The arm is quickly dropped in favor of the leg but Rollins bails to the floor, allowing Woods and Neville to hit stereo dives on Shield as we take a break.

Back with Reigns headbutting Woods down and stomping him down in the Shield corner. Off to the US Champion for some trash talk and right hands to Woods’ afro. Xavier backflips out of a belly to back suplex and there’s the not yet hot tag to Graves. A quick chop block sets up Lucky 13 but Rollins makes the save. Reigns comes in to pound away and hits a great standing falcon’s arrow for two. Back to Seth to crank on the arm for a bit before making a blind tag off to Reigns. Graves doesn’t see the tag and tries a sunset flip on Rollins, allowing Roman to get in a hard cheap shot.

Back to Ambrose for more trash talk as the fast Shield tags continue. A snap suplex puts Graves back in the wrong corner before Reigns comes back in. Corey kicks away at Roman’s knee from the mat but there’s almost no effect. Graves is shoved into the corner and gets a burst of energy to fight his way out.

The hot tag brings in Neville to speed things up and an enziguri puts Dean down. He gets the knees up to block the Red Arrow though and makes a tag off to Rollins. Adrian flips out of a German suplex and tags in Woods who gets two off a high cross body. A kick to Seth’s head and a quick downward spiral gets two. The It’s Morphin Time clothesline gets two as well but Reigns makes the diving save.

Neville hurricanranas Reigns to the floor and Ambrose suplexes Graves to the floor. Woods loads up a superplex but Rollins counters into a sunset bomb. Xavier holds the ropes but Reigns makes a blind tag and punches Woods to break his grip on the ropes. Rollins hits the Buckle Bomb and the spear from Reigns is enough to pin Woods at 14:07 shown of 16:52.

Rating: B+. Cut two minutes or so out of the middle and this is a classic. This was in the old vein of Shield matches with the last second saves and perfectly planned out insanity and it’s still awesome. The NXT guys got a solid rub here as they got to put Shield to a good test. The ending never really was in doubt, but they had me wondering there for a few seconds, which is a sign of a good match.

Cesaro accepts Zayn’s challenge for the 2/3 falls match next week. He promises to beat Zayn so bad but Sami jumps him to start a brawl. They’re pulled apart and Cesaro channels his inner James Kirk by shouting ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYN to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Solid show here with a great main event and some good stuff leading up to it. NXT does a great job at incorporating the main show guys into the fold and the shows benefit a lot from it. At the end of the day though, the NXT guys are the stars of the show and that’s the important idea. The Zayn vs. Cesaro match has the potential to be amazing so things are looking up for next week.

Results

Big E. Langston b. Curtis Axel via DQ when Paul Heyman interfered

Mason Ryan b. Scott Dawson – Cobra clutch slam

Paige b. Summer Rae – Paige Turner

Shield b. Xavier Woods/Corey Graves/Adrian Neville – Spear to Woods

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Bloodymania V
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Hatchet Landing, Cave-in-Rock Illinois
Commentators: Kevin Gill, Shaggy 2 Dope

This is what you get for saying you’ll review almost anything. This is Juggalo Championship Wrestling, which is the Insane Clown Posse’s company. If you don’t know who they are, they’re a band who dresses like clowns and are incredibly controversial for their lyrics and all that jazz. They’re also huge wrestling fans and got into both the WWF and WCW on their star power. They wrestled some matches and it became clear they had the talent of your average backyard wrestler. Naturally WCW had plans on making one of them Cruiserweight Champion because that’s what WCW does.

Now one thing to note: there are actual wrestlers here. It isn’t just ICP and their friends having bad matches. There are names on here like Rhyno, Raven, Nick Dinsmore (Eugene), X-Pac and Vampiro. Also I have no idea who any of these musicians are, nor do I care to know. Other than that I have no idea what to expect here. Let’s get to it.

Some guy in a JCW shirt comes out to open the show. Apparently his name is Kevin Gill. He intros the show and the people are SILENT. The audio on this show sucks so far. The main event is Corporal Robinson, who apparently has been champion for about 40% of the company’s existence, defending against Vampiro. He introduces his broadcasting partners and the audio gets a lot louder.

A DJ plays some music.

Shaggy goes to the back to see about some of the audio issues.

Apparently all of the fans are called ninjas.

Bill Martel vs. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks

The name graphics are backwards at first. The announcers keep talking over the ring announcer. Martel is the Superstar, so you can tell he’s important. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks is looking like a pimp here. From what I can find on the internet, his name is Sal so we’ll go with that. Apparently Sal lost a loser leaves town match a few weeks/months ago but put on a mask and won a match to get back on this show.

Bill slaps him to start but gets slapped right back. Sal takes him to the mat and hits a low dropkick to the head before pulling out….a marshmallow? Oh it was a tampon which he puts in Bill’s mouth. How long is this show again? Martel takes him down again and the audio screws up again. Martel misses a middle rope elbow and Sal clotheslines him down for two. They head to the corner with Sal hitting a tornado DDT and rolling through into a spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker for two. Martel gets a rollup out of nowhere for the pin. This should have been a dark match.

We recap the next tag match. Weed Man (exactly what it sounds like) lost a match to Officer Colt Cabana and had to become Cabana’s deputy. Weed Man wasn’t happy with it and had to help Cabana go after 2 Tuff Tony who is an alcoholic. Finally the drug addict turned on the cop and helped the alcoholic. Cabana brought in US Marshall Adam Pearce and we’ve got a tag match, albeit with Pearce/Cabana vs. Tony and a mystery partner.

The announcers talk but we hear music.

Adam Pearce/Colt Cabana vs. 2 Tuff Tony/???

Commentary is back now but the theme music is still drowning it out. The camera stays on the commentators as we can hear stuff going on in the ring. Even Shaggy and Kevin are asking why they’re being shown. Apparently the show didn’t get going until sometime between 1:30 and 3:30am. No wonder the fans aren’t caring that much. After Tony gives the fans liquor for a few minutes, Weed Man runs in and says he’s the partner of Tony. That’s not exactly shocking given the story. He takes his mask off which is a big deal apparently but it doesn’t get a big reaction. No one knows who he is so what was the point?

Tony and Cabana start things off with Tony controlling the arm early on. Off to Weed Man who stays on the arm while the announcers say he looks like a typical stoner. Cabana punches him down and it’s off to Pearce with a top rope splash for two. Weed Man does a Flair Flip in the corner and is clotheslined off the apron. Cabana rams Weed Man into the steps and Weed Man is busted.

Pearce works on the cut and does the clap non-tag to Cabana. A sunset flip gets two for Weed and we’re already at the main issue with this show: the wrestling is ok at its very best. Weed Man isn’t that good and he’s doing nothing but basics. Anyway it’s off to Pearce as the beating continues. Oh wait let’s look at the commentators again. Pearce goes up and gets crotched and superplexed down.

There’s the hot tag to Tony who cleans house as the announcers make gay jokes about Cabana. Tony hits a kick to the face of Pearce for two and a Lionsault to Cabana gets no cover. Instead of covering, Tony covers his hand in alcohol and tries to light it on fire, but Pearce throws a fire extinguisher at it. Cabana hits Tony with a nightstick for two as Weed Man dives through the ropes onto Pearce. Tony trips Cabana down and a double stomp from Weed Man gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was one of the main events? If that’s the case this show is in big trouble. This was a run of the mill tag match and not a lot came from it. Cabana and Pearce are talented guys but they need something better than these two for opponents to have a good match. I get that Weed Man and Tony are popular, but they’re not that talented. That’s one of the mistakes ECW made: they would have guys in there to pop the live crowd but it did nothing for the masses. Now that being said, this is a far different kind of company than ECW was so it’s a lot more understandable here.

Cabana arrests Weed Man for taking his mask off. A guy who is apparently the owner of the land this show is happening on says Cabana has no authority here because it’s private property. Weed Man has to be uncuffed and security comes out remove Cabana who shouts about Rodney King. Tony and Weed Man celebrate with the fans.

We recap Zach Gowen vs. Eugene. Gowen has one leg and Eugene (spelled U-Gene here for the sake of copyright infringement but I’m calling him Eugene because it really makes no difference) was really protective of him. Eugene tried to use brass knuckles to win the tag titles but Gowen didn’t want them that way. Eugene was offended and turned on him, setting up this match. Simple story and that’s fine.

U-Gene vs. Zach Gowen

Eugene takes the only leg out but Gowen can fight well on the mat and escapes. Eugene keeps asking for a test of strength but Gowen will have none of that. Back to the mat but Gowen kicks him to the floor. Eugene is still slow so this is a battle of the handicaps. Back in and Gowen gets down in a crouch which freaks Eugene out. Gowen is very quick on the mat so Eugene gets on top of him. A dropkick puts Eugene on the floor and he’s getting very frustrated. He seems to be the heel here.

Back in and Gowen is slammed into the mat for two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eugene uses the classic invisible foreign object to pound away. The commentators debate what country the object is from and continue to get on my nerves. Eugene puts on a half crab, which may be a full crab in Gowen’s case, followed by a giant swing. Eugene loads up what looks like a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Gowen escapes into a powerbomb for no cover.

A Blockbuster gets two for Gowen but Eugene comes back with an airplane spin. Given that it’s an airplane spin, we get the required ref bump as Gowen is being spun around. Gowen takes Eugene down and this a moonsault but there’s no ref. As Zach wakes the referee up, Eugene blasts Gowen with the foreign object for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here as it’s amazing what you do when you get seasons pros in the ring. Eugene was always talented and he could make the gimmick work well as he tweaked it enough to make it different at different times. When you take Gowen out of the main event scene of WWE PPVs, he’s a lot less annoying. Decent match here which is probably going to be the high point.

The referee sees the object and reverses the decision. Eugene snaps and destroys Gowen with Gowen’s cane. The referee was busted open in there somewhere too.

The announcers talk about what we just saw.

We recap Richie Boy Breyer Wellington vs. his Butler Geeves. Wellington was going to try to steal the world title but Geeves wound up sneaking in and taking it. 2 Tuff Tony won the belt before Geeves could lay down for Wellington so Wellington and his manager Truth Martini brought in Geeves’ wife Mrs. Geeves before the match tonight. Tonight, the winner gets Mrs. Geeves and the loser has to fight Tank Abbott for five minutes.

Breyer Wellington vs. Butler Geeves

Geeves looks like a Chippendale dancer. We stall to start and look at the announcers a bit who are talking about moon bounce houses. No contact for the first 45 seconds or so. Geeves works on the arm but gets sent to the mat by Wellington to escape. Wellington puts on a headlock as the ring seems a lot louder now for some reason. The announcers keep up a joke about Geeves learning to wrestle online which is beaten into the ground a few minutes into the match.

The guys in the ring are doing nothing beyond basics so far. A butterfly suplex gets two for Wellington and it’s off to a surfboard hold on Geeves. Wellington hits a Backstabber for two. At least I think it was two, as we were looking at the announcers again. Geeves makes a comeback and grabs a rollup for two but walks into a modified Cradle Shock (Sabin’s AA move) for two. Some chick comes out and flashes Wellington, giving Geeves a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was really dull and the comeback came so fast that there wasn’t a chance for the crowd to get into it. The girl I guess is replacing Mrs. Geeves for her husband, but he gets them both due to the stipulations. That’s not a bad way to go and I guess now we get the Tank Abbott stuff. Pretty terrible match though.

Geeves says he doesn’t want his wife’s services anymore in a pretty decent promo.

No Abbott stuff for the moment.

Here’s Commissioner Violent J. He plays to the crowd a bit and the fans chant Bruce (his real name). As with everything else tonight, you can barely understand him. He says not to review the show if you’re not observing them. That clears me I guess. Apparently only Juggalos can review these shows. I’m out then. He talks about what you should do and this goes nowhere. We get a King Kong Bundy reference for no apparent reason.

J talks about a guy who is here after not being around for awhile. The fans chant for Evil Dead, who was a corpse that won the first JCW Championship. He had a big advantage because he was death and therefore couldn’t feel pain. More on that later. Evil Dead is the first inductee into the JCW Hall of Fame, and there is no truth to the speculation that it’s just J’s brother in a rubber mask.

Evil Dead comes out and falls down the ramp because he doesn’t have many leg muscles left. He has a note in his hand as he stands on the middle rope. J reads his speech which talks about eating people. Dead falls off the ropes, gets tied up in the ropes, falls to the floor, and finally leaves with J. This ran 13 minutes, or longer than all but one match tonight.

The announcers talk a lot more. This must be an intermission of some kind.

Tag Titles: Ring Rydas vs. Tracy Smothers/Bull Pain vs. Necro Butcher/Mad Man Pondo vs. Raven/Sexy Slim Goody

The Rydas are the champions and are known as Ring Ryda Red and Ring Ryda Blue. They’re masked and are also known as the Irish Airborne, mainly from ROH. The ring is WAY too small for eight people. Raven and Smothers start things off and we start with dancing. Before there’s any contact it’s off to Slim, who is a big fat guy who may or may not be gay. Smothers keeps falling down without any contact being made. Pain comes in and twists Slim’s nipples to start things off.

Bull Pain pounds on Slim as the announcers crack jokes about whatever they think of. A reverse DDT puts Slim down for no cover for Pain. Pain looks like a shorter Albert from his piercing days. The Rydas get on Pain’s nerves and draw him into their corner so Red comes in to pound on Slim. The Rydas are small guys so the size difference is jarring.

Off to Blue vs. Necro with Blue speeding things up and hitting a running knee to the face. Blue goes up but jumps into an uppercut. Off to Pondo who hits a kind of piledriver onto a chair that is in the ring out of nowhere. Things break down a bit and it’s off to Necro vs. Smothers. Necro chops away in the corner and Pain starts beating on everyone with a bat or a pipe or whatever it is.

Tracy comes in and Necro sets for a tiger driver, but Tracy’s daughter/sister (forget it people, it’s JCW) Isabelle comes in to break it up. Pain walks out on Smothers for some reason and Tracy follows. Red breaks up a DDT on Pondo from Raven and heads up. In a pretty awesome looking finish, Red gets shoved off the top by Goody into the DDT from Raven who hits it perfectly for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This was a bit of a mess because there were too many people and too much stuff going on out there at once. The ending was pretty awesome looking though as Red looked dead after that DDT. I have no idea why Raven and Slim are together but it’s Raven so it’s not a big deal at all.

And now the feed goes off for a bit. It wouldn’t feel right if that didn’t happen.

We recap Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong which is basically a battle of monsters colliding. It’s No DQ either.

Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong

No countout or DQ. Apparently Kongo has lost over 90lbs since the video was made because he’s billed as 410lbs here and was said to be over 500lbs in the video. Kong is a savage or something close to one. Kong immediately clotheslines him down but Rhyno pops back up. Rhyno hits a decent belly to belly given how fat Kong is but Kong pops back up. Kong misses a charge and flips over the top rope to the floor in a surprising display of balance.

Rhyno dives onto Kong but loses a slugout on the floor. Back in and the fat man (Kongo if you’re not familiar with Rhyno, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) pounds away and we get the required nerve hold. Rhyno Hulks Up and finally knocks Kong down with shoulders. The Gore hits….for two? I didn’t see that coming. A second Gore again only gets two but the third one hits the buckle, giving Kongo a rollup win out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Kong is a big guy but there’s nothing more to him than that. Also, why would you have a monster come off looking like he can only win on a fluke? Kicking out of two Gores was a nice surprise as the Gore is a very famous finisher. This was short which helped a bit but it didn’t work that well due to Kong being unable to do much.

We recap the women’s three way. There’s something about training and throwing in a towel and I really don’t care.

Brittany Force vs. Amber O’Neal vs. Ring Girl Randy

Amber is billed as being from Heaven. That’s kind of awesome. The announcers say they hope it turns into lesbianism. Well why bother to just hint at it I guess? Anyway Amber tries to leave but the other two pull her back in and beat her to the floor. Randy hits a Samoan Drop on Force to send Brittany to the floor, followed by a big dive to take Brittany out. Amber sends Randy into the post so let’s look at the announcers.

Back in and Brittany grabs a fast rollup for two on Amber but gets caught in a running Umaga attack in the corner. Amber knocks everyone down and hits a bad X Factor on Force for two. Force gets two off something we missed because we were looking at the commentators. Randy keeps getting beaten up as she tries to get back in. Amber chokes Brittany over the ropes while in a rana position and Randy is back in.

Scratch that as she’s already back out. Amber puts a chinlock on Force for about 10 seconds, followed by a Stink Face. Force avoids a charge and hits a Downward Spiral on Amber and Randy finally gets back in. A facejam from Force gets two on Amber, but Randy comes in and hits a reverse DDT on Force for the surprise win.

Rating: D+. This was your usual three way with the person who looked to be losing the entire time coming out of nowhere for the surprise pin. That’s always annoying as it’s such a played out idea that as soon as Randy kept getting knocked to the floor I knew she was going to win. Nothing to see here but Amber is good looking so it helps.

X-Pac vs. Luke Gallows vs. Rob Conway

The winner gets a contract, even though Conway already has one. Fast paced opening here with no one being able to get an advantage. Conway is sent to the floor and Gallows is knocked out as well, followed by Pac with a big dive. Conway crotches Pac on the platform the ring is on which gets two back in the ring. Now we get to the usual turning point of a triple threat: the fight between the heels (?) that want to pin the guy who is down.

Gallows kills Conway with a chokeslam but Pac kicks Gallows down. Luke kicks Pac in the face in the corner but misses a middle rope elbow. Conway puts a sleeper on Gallows but they both fall to the floor. The sleeper wasn’t broken though and Gallows is put to sleep. Conway goes back in to try to do the same to Pac but X-Pac rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible but it just came and went. Gallows is as generic of a big man as you can get and Conway is just there, which is why he’s an OVW legend and not much else. The match was as typical of a three way as you could ever ask for. Nothing special at all here though, which might as well be the name of the show.

We recap Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro. They were friends, Vampiro came into the ring when Robinson won his fourth title and kicked Robinson’s head off. This is something about Robinson proving himself, despite having two title reigns that have gone over two years already. Robinson says this is his life, unlike Vampiro where it’s like the fourth biggest thing on his list. Vampiro says that’s exactly like ICP and they’re doing fine. Both of these guys are in the Juggalo World Order which is the big stable which hasn’t been mentioned until this promo.

JCW World Title: Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro

Robinson is defending if that wasn’t clear. They shake hands to start and finally lock up. Before anything can get going, here’s Evil Dead for no apparent reason. He gets in the ring and drills the referee as the other two guys get in each others’ faces. Evil Dead DDTs both guys and leaves. This is happening…..why exactly?

Robinson and Vampiro slug it out from their knees which takes a good while. Robinson shoulders him down but gets kicked in the face a second later to give Vampiro control again. Robinson comes back again and tries his finisher called Boot Camp (cobra clutch legsweep) but Vampiro escapes. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion as does a superkick from Vampiro. Vampiro’s chokeslam is broken up and apparently it’s almost 5:00am. Good grief.

A tornado DDT gets two for Robinson as they’re in the problem most indy matches have: they have no idea how to tell a story in the ring and it’s just a string of moves with nothing between them. Vampiro flips off the fans to go heel I guess, and walks into a dragon screw leg whip for his efforts. Robinson puts on a quick leglock but Vamp gets to a rope. The Corporal brings in a chair but Vampiro kicks his knee out just in time.

Vampiro loads up something off the top but gets pulled down into a Tree of Woe. We get the Tommy Dreamer running dropkick into the chair into the guy in the Tree of Woe’s face for two. Vampiro comes back with a kind of Van Daminator and Robinson is busted open. It’s table time now because what would a main event be without one of those? Off to a chinlock by Vampiro so he can bite the cut a bit.

The table is set up in the corner and Vampiro goes after the cut on Robinson’s head. Robinson is sent face first into the chair but Vampiro walks around too much and gets suplexed down for two. Robinson goes up but misses a legdrop to bring things to a halt again. Chokeslam from Vampiro gets two, followed by a Robinson powerbomb and Boot Camp for the pin to retain. The table was never used.

Rating: C-. This went WAY too long which brings it down a bit. Somehow this match was almost twenty minutes long and about four minutes of that was spent on laying around. I have no idea what the point of Evil Dead was but it came and went and didn’t change anything. Not a terrible match or anything and it was fine for a main event on a show of this caliber.

The locker room comes out to celebrate with Robinson as Vampiro leaves. He finally comes back to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This certainly wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but it’s nothing I’d ever want to see more of. JCW started off as basically a parody of wrestling with things like the announcers saying this match sucks so let’s watch a different one and then they would actually change over to another match or the ICP declaring themselves the winners because they own the company and they’ll fire anyone that beats them. Instead this was just a run of the mill indy show with absolutely nothing memorable or different at all. That being said, the show cost five bucks so it’s really hard to complain.

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That’s rather cool.  It takes a lot of guts to do this in a sport like wrestling.

By the way, do not post any homophobic/gay bashing comments on this.  I’ll delete them immediately.