NXT
Date: June 12, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: William Regal, Tony Dawson

It’s a big week here on NXT with Bo Dallas finally getting his title shot against Big E. Langston. Last week Langston sounded as serious as he ever has in NXT and the match was well set up. Dallas however still comes off as a lame imitation of a good heel rather than someone we have a reason to dislike. Other than that we should get another Women’s Title tournament match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video recaps the battle royal which earned Dallas his title shot.

Welcome Home.

Sami Zayn vs. Antonio Cesaro

This is a rematch from Zayn’s debut three weeks ago when he beat Curt Hawkins and Antonio Cesaro in one night. Cesaro charges to the ring and runs Zayn over with a clothesline. They head to the floor with Sami being sent into the barricade before the bell. Sami says he can go so Cesaro hits a running European uppercut for two as the match officially begins. Zayn springboards off the bottom rope to jump over Antonio but Cesaro spinebusts him right back down to stop the comeback.

Sami fights out of a chinlock and gets two off a leg lariat but Cesaro takes over with some HARD chops in the corner. Back up and Zayn’s leapfrog is countered into a tilt-a-whirl slam for two as we take a break. We come back with Cesaro hitting a double stomp to the ribs for a series of two counts before stomping on Zayn’s fingers. Back to the chinlock for an extended period before Zayn fights up with a spinning sit out belly to back suplex into a powerbomb. A big European uppercut and the gutwrench suplex get two each for Cesaro and the frustration is setting in.

Cesaro pounds away in the corner but Zayn hooks a bodyscissors to catch Cesaro off guard. A headscissors sends Antonio to the floor and Sami hits a big flip dive over the top to take both guys down. Back in and Zayn dives off the top into another uppercut for two. Cesaro looks for the Neutralizer but Sami hits a running sunset bomb for two. Zayn tries the same thing he used to win the first time by rolling through a suplex into a cradle but Cesaro kicks out at two. Cesaro hooks a hard standing chinlock which is enough to set up the Neutralizer for the pin on Zayn at 10:00 shown of 13:30.

Rating: B. This was a solid back and forth match which told a good story. Zayn was trying every speed move he could but Cesaro was too strong and too skilled to get caught off guard a second time, which makes both guys look good. A serious Antonio like this could be a big deal in WWE if he wasn’t fed to every top star on the roster so often. Zayn continues to look good as well.

Baron Corbin/Travis Tyler vs. Scott Dawson/Garrett Dylan

Sylvester LeFort introduces Dawson and Dylan and again is far more interesting than the team. Dawson and Tyler start things off with Tyler grabbing a headlock. Scott takes it to the corner and brings in Dylan to stomp on Travis in the corner. Dawson and Dylan tag in and out to pound on Tyler with both guys slamming the back of Tyler’s head into the mat.

The beating continues with Dawson dropping a leg and kicking at Tyler’s back. Tyler finally gets in a kick to the face and makes the tag off to Corbin who cleans a few rooms of the house. Corbin hits the ropes and walks into a spinebuster from Dawson followed by a middle rope ax handle to the face from Dylan (the combination is called Southern Pride) for the pin at 4:27.

Rating: D+. Dawson and Dylan aren’t interesting but their in ring work isn’t horrible. They’re kind of a throwback team reminiscent of the Andersons in the 80s. The problem though is there’s no reason to care about them. All we’ve been told is they’re from a trailer park in the south. In other words, they’re a slightly better Cade and Murdoch, which doesn’t make them anything to care about.

NXT Women’s Title Tournament First Round: Bayley vs. Alicia Fox

Bayley is innocent enough to offer a handshake but Alicia says no. Instead Bayley hugs Alicia to freak her out and earn Bayley a whip into the corner. A quick northern lights suplex gets two for Fox and it’s off to a chinlock. Fox takes her into the corner for a slap and Bayley goes NUTS, taking Fox down with a bunch of clotheslines and a knee drop for two. An exploder suplex gets two on Alicia but she pops back up and hits an ax kick to pin Bayley at 3:26.

Rating: D+. Bayley looked good and Fox was her usual self, meaning this wasn’t much to look at. It does help to have a former Divas Champion move on in the tournament as the eventual winner will look better having beaten a top level Diva. Not the best match in the world but it did its job well enough.

Here are the tournament brackets:

Paige

Alicia Fox

Sasha Banks

Summer Rae

Emma

Aksana

We recap Dallas winning the battle royal to earn his title shot tonight.

NXT Title: Big E. Langston vs. Bo Dallas

Langston easily throws Dallas down before leapfrogging over Dallas (you read that right) and running him over with a shoulder. Bo goes after the leg and is immediately booed out of the building. The champion is sent to the floor but comes back in to throw Dallas into the corner to take over. Langston hits five hard shots to Dallas’ ribs as this is one sided so far. A big splash hits Dallas and he rolls out to the floor for a breather.

Back in and Langston tells Bo what a bad decision this was for him. Another splash misses and Bo fires off some clotheslines to little effect. Big E. charges into a knee in the corner and Dallas runs the corner into a bulldog for two. Langston comes back with a belly to belly and looks to be perfectly fine. Five knees to the chest have Dallas in trouble and Langston runs him over for good measure. Dallas blocks the Big Ending and sends Langston into an exposed turnbuckle two times. That and a belly to belly suplex gives him the belt at 7:46.

Rating: C-. The match was basically a squash for Langston with a surprise ending. I have no idea what WWE sees in him, but Bo Dallas is the least interesting guy being pushed to the top of a promotion that I’ve seen in a very long time. He’s neither a dominating nor a convincing heel and the fans absolutely hate him. His arrogant attitude due to being on the main show a few times doesn’t hold up either as several people on NXT have been around longer than he has. This didn’t work and wasn’t the best way of getting the title off of Langston.

Dallas says he’s going to Disney World to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This episode didn’t do much for me. The opening match was great but everything after that was lame. Dawson, Dylan aren’t guys that show promise but they’re being pushed pretty hard. Langston will likely get a rematch but the shine is off of him now. What WWE sees in Dallas is beyond me, but they’re going to have to push him hard as a heel in a hurry unless they want the fans to ruin every segment he’s in.

Results

Antonio Cesaro b. Sami Zayn – Neutralizer

Garrett Dylan/Scott Dawson b. Baron Corbin/Travis Tyler – Southern Pride to Corbin

Alicia Fox b. Bayley – Ax Kick

Bo Dallas b. Big E. Langston – Belly to belly suplex

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 13, 2013
Location: Gwinett Center, Duluth, Georgia
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re still in Atlanta and tonight we get to find out who will be the twelve men in the BFG Series. We’ve already found out three of them but tonight the field will be completely revealed. Other than that we’re likely to hear more about Brooke Hogan not letting her dad hit Bully with a hammer last week. Let’s get to it.

After a recap of the events of last week, here’s Hulk to open the show. He talks about how awesome it is to be in Atlanta before talking about nearly murdering Bully Ray last week. It was such a horrible moment last week that only an act of God kept him from doing something very bad. He’s even asked Brooke Hogan to stay home tonight because of how intense things have been.

As for tonight, it’s the BFG Series Selection Show. Three people (Joe, Jay Bradley and Hernandez) are already in and we’ll add the previous two winners (Hardy and Roode) to the field as well. Hogan brings out Jeff Hardy who says he’s so tired of hammers that he’s going to win the BFG Series and then beat Ray for the world title in San Diego.

This brings out Bobby Roode to talk about being the longest reigning champion in Impact Wrestling history and how he’s going to win his second BFG Series to win the world title back. Hogan says that next week is Open Fight Night and the fans get to vote for which of these two get to pick which of these two get to make the first call out. Roode says he’s going to call out Hardy next week but Hardy wants to go right now.

Instead here are Aces and 8’s with something to say. Ray wants to know why any of this matters, because no matter who goes on to Bound For Glory because they get to lose to him. Hogan wants to know why the bikers aren’t in the Series and Ray says that’s just fine. Ray sends in Bischoff and Brisco to fight Hardy and Roode which goes about as well as you would expect. Roode jumps Hardy from behind and bails before he catches a beating.

Bad Influence is ready for the tag team qualifying match tonight and make fun of Storm for having yet another partner. Daniels plays the piano and that’s about it.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: Gunner/James Storm vs. Bad Influence

Both members of the winning team qualify. Storm suplexes Daniels down to start and drops a knee for two. Off to Gunner vs. Kaz with the tattooed man throwing Kaz around with ease. Daniels finally starts cheating to take Gunner down, allowing Kaz to hit a springboard legdrop to the back of the head for two. Bad Influence hits a few kicks to the chest but Gunner runs them both over with a double clothesline.

Back to Storm who gets two on Kaz off an Alabama Slam as everything breaks down. Gunner is sent to the floor but Storm hits a Backstabber on Daniels and Closing Time on Kaz. With everything going nuts, Kaz distracts the referee so Daniels can blast Storm in the head with a title belt, giving Kazarian the pin at 4:26.

Rating: C-. This didn’t have time to go anywhere but it’s clear that the tag titles are going nowhere again. At least the tag team champions didn’t lose clean in under five minutes. The Series needs heels though so what better way to have these two get into the Series? Well they could have had them beat ANY other two faces but that wouldn’t be impressive I guess.

Crimson is back with a modified look. He won’t say what he’s doing here for the first time in 12 months.

Velvet has a present for Mickie James inside an envelope.

Here’s Crimson to talk about being undefeated for 470 days and then being gone for 12 months. Tonight he can get into the BFG Series and all he has to do is beat Joseph Park.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: Joseph Park vs. Crimson

Crimson runs Park over with some clotheslines for two before we hit the cravate. Some knees to Park’s face set up a neckbreaker for no cover as Crimson is bragging a bit too much. Park is sent into the corner but Crimson misses a charge, allowing Park to roll him up for the pin at 2:40.

Mickie is ready for Velvet.

Here’s velvet to clear the air with Mickie. She calls out the champion and hands her the contents of the envelope: medical clearance for the rematch. Mickie says that the release is dated yesterday but Velvet’s knee is hurt today, so Mickie attacks the knee and puts it in a leg lock until referees make the save.

Matt Morgan says he’ll win his match because Sting couldn’t beat him.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: Kenny King vs. Matt Morgan vs. Rob Terry vs. Magnus

One fall to a finish. Morgan and King start but King immediately tags out to Terry. King distracts Terry so Morgan can take over with the Nash choke in the corner. A big boot to the head puts Terry down but King tags himself in. King hits a springboard ax handle to Terry’s back but the big man launches King into the air and down to the mat. Off to Magnus who takes down the two big guys and drops King with a brainbuster. The top rope elbow gets two on King as Morgan makes the save and everything breaks down. Morgan kicks Terry in the face but Magnus hits a Michinoku Driver on King for the pin at 4:50.

Rating: C-. Magnus is a good choice to go into the Series as he is constantly pushed as the next big thing in TNA. The problem is Morgan has been in that role for years as well and never gets to go anywhere as a result. The winner was surprising though so at least it wasn’t a waste of time.

Eric Young is going to sneak into the BFG Series by beating Aries. His first step: using the rest room.

Video on Jackson’s arrival getting media coverage.

Here’s Sting for the first time since Slammiversary. He talks about the great deception by Bully Ray setting up Sting’s one title shot at Slammiversary. Sting failed there because he couldn’t survive the waves of Aces and 8’s that Ray threw at him. While Sting was fighting them off, no one came out to help him but that’s ok. Sting says Aces and 8’s are just like family. He repeats the word family and says that he has to go to a place that he never thought he’d have to go again. Sting has to create a family that he can trust: the new Main Event Mafia.

Video on Eric Young’s fishing show and a brief reunion with ODB.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: Austin Aries vs. Eric Young

Aries immediately takes Eric to the mat and rides him around before heading to the corner for some bragging. ODB comes in and is ridden to the mat by Eric before we get back to some actual wrestling. Aries rakes the eyes to take over and chokes on the ropes before hooking a quick chinlock.

They trade loud chops and Young pounds away before being sent to the apron for a Flair strut. Young slides back in and sends Aries to the apron as well, but Austin’s Flair strut is broken up by a forearm. A big dive to the floor takes Aries down but kissing ODB takes too long and Aries dropkicks Young in the corner. The brainbuster finishes Young at 6:15.

Rating: C-. There were some nice spots in this but I don’t think I could care less about Young if I tried. He’s done the same “goofy” schtick for so long that I never need to see it again at all. Aries winning is fine as he belongs in the Series but the match wasn’t entertaining due to Young.

Aces and 8’s tell Doc to chill about not getting the BFG Series spot.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: Battle Royal

It’s every member of Aces and 8’s but it’s a Fingerpoke of Doom match. Anderson “shoot” Brisco out, Hogan points Bischoff out, tricks Knux into looking away and actually fingerpokes him out, and tells D-Von to get the tables from the floor. Doc is the only one left but he will have none of the stepping aside. He goes after Anderson but eventually gets tossed out anyway at 4:00 so Anderson can win. No rating but it was storyline development instead of a match.

Rampage Jackson comes up to Angle in the back to ask what he meant last week. Angle said he just meant that Rampage can’t jump to the top overnight and everything seems cool.

Doc is yelled at in the back by the rest of the team until Ray yells at Anderson and Doc for screwing up the plan. Doc says he was just stepping up which Ray respects, but Doc broke the plan. Everything seems to be cool but Doc wants to make sure AJ Styles doesn’t make it into the BFG Series. Ray says get the job done.

Bound For Glory Series Qualifying Match: AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle

Angle takes it to the corner to start but AJ pops him in the jaw with a dropkick. A backbreaker and suplex put Angle down as we take a break. Back with AJ knocking Angle to the floor and hitting a baseball slide to send him into the announce table. AJ misses a big dive and gets caught in a sweet overhead belly to belly suplex to put him down on the floor. Back inside and AJ clotheslines him down but gets caught in a release German suplex. Angle can’t follow up and gets caught by a springboard forearm for two. Kurt comes right back with Rolling Germans, only to have AJ counter the Angle Slam into a DDT for two.

AJ misses a splash in the corner and gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. The ankle lock is countered into the Calf Killer which is countered into the ankle lock which is rolled through by AJ. Styles goes up for a moonsault but Angle runs the ropes for a belly to back superplex. AJ lands on his feet and hits a DDT into the corner to knock Angle silly. Cue Doc and Knux to go after AJ but it’s Angle who takes the shot. That and an Anderson distraction allows AJ to roll up Kurt for the pin at 15:37.

Rating: B. Did you expect anything else from Angle vs. Styles? The counters in there were getting more and more awesome every time with both guys finding a way to top themselves every time. The ending was fine even though they told us it was coming earlier in the night. Very solid main event here as you would have expected.

Aces and 8’s beat Angle down post match until Rampage Jackson makes the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This was a few steps below last week’s show but it was still entertaining for the most part. The wrestling wasn’t all that great but tonight’s episode was about setting up future matches instead of giving us entertaining stuff tonight. Angle vs. Styles was good like you would expect it to have been and some of the other matches weren’t bad either. Also the drama was kept to a minimum tonight which makes for a much easier show to sit through. It wasn’t bad but it was behind last week’s show.

Results

Bad Influence b. James Storm/Gunner – Kazarian pinned Storm after a belt shot to the head

Joseph Park b. Crimson – Rollup

Magnus b. Kenny King, Rob Terry and Matt Morgan – Michinoku Driver to King

Austin Aries b. Eric Young – Brainbuster

Mr. Anderson won a battle royal last eliminating Doc

AJ Styles b. Kurt Angle – Rollup

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

One Night Stand 2005
Date: June 12, 2005
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Mick Foley

Well you knew I would get to this someday. This is pretty much my most requested show and since it’s my birthday I wanted to do a show that I really like. This was built up as exactly what the title is: a One Night Stand, as in one night only ECW is back. This was an absolute dream come true for ECW fans as WWE owned the names and trademarks and a lot of the contracts and therefore could put on a high quality show. This should be fun. Let’s do it.

To set this up, there is a Raw and Smackdown invasion going on, although no one really cared. Also you have none of the matches advertised that I can remember, which drives home one point: the wrestling here doesn’t matter at all and it’s about these guys having one last run. That’s perfectly fine and to me it made the show a lot better.

To translate: the grades for the match do not reflect the show as a whole. The matches are likely going to be graded low, but it means nothing at all so put zero to no stock into what I’m saying about the technical stuff.

We’re in the Ballroom and the fans are out in freaking force. They pop like crazy for the theme song and this is going to be awesome. Joey Styles is introduced and he looks pumped. I’ve always freaking loved this song too. He’s legitimately having trouble keeping it together.

This is much more interesting to watch after Hardcore Homecoming as you really get to see both sides of the coin. He drops an OMG and introduces Foley as his commentary partner who comes out to the WWF Cactus Jack music. See them thinking there? That’s nice.

Play that freaking video monkeys!

Lance Storm vs. Chris Jericho

It’s Lionheart here too and we get a dramatic pause joke from Joey. It’s great to hear Joey talk about the old days, which to be fair and honest were more or less crap but for the sake of this it’s fine. Jericho is freaking small here as he looks like he did in WCW which I mean in a good way. It amazes me that these two have been so intertwined throughout the years. Foley throws in that he was the guy that saw Jericho in Japan and got Heyman to bring him to America and ECW in particular.

We hear about SMW to really make this great. Apparently Joey and ECW don’t like that the New York Athletic Commission made them use mats. This is something that on paper sounds great and on a rare occasion like this one it works like a charm. With these guys here’s what you do: “Chris, Lance, you have 7 minutes, here’s your ending.” That’s all they need. Joey calls Foley Mickles. Ok then.

We get a big old Chris Candido chant who would have passed away only about a month and a half before this show. To say the crowd is hot is like saying Steve Austin might have had alcohol before. We have an F JOHN CENA chant. Foley: How does the Calgary Crab differ from its Boston cousin?

Joey: It doesn’t it’s just a gimmick. Jason and Justin Credible are here and with Dawn Marie running interference, Justin canes the HECK out of Jericho to allow Storm to get the easy pin. Joey complaining about itching from Jason is funny. Lance more or less retired after this.

Rating: B. This was rather fun indeed. These two have good matches just about every time they’re allowed to get in the ring and this was no exception. This is a pairing that it’s hard to get wrong and it worked out just about perfectly. Solid match and a solid ending to Storm’s final match in the mainstream.

Pitbull Gary Wolfe intros a tribute to wrestlers that have passed away. We have Rocco Rock, part of a tag team I never got the appeal of but dang they were popular, Terry Gordy, Mike Lockwood (Crash Holly), Original Sheik (the first brawler that got really famous arguably), Mike Lozansky (old school ECW guy), Anthony Durante (Pitbull #1), Big Dick Dudley and Chris Candido. It’s scary that other than Sheik, I don’t think any of these guys were 40. That’s freaking scary when you think about it.

Let the Candido chants begin. This one I can have a lot of sympathy for as he died due to complications from an injury and not anything he caused to himself.

Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

This is under elimination rules. The whole FBI comes out here, as in 5-6 guys with maybe 2 Italians in there. The innuendo joke gets old fast. These were matches that happened a lot back in the day and they were always International Three Way Dances, as in one guy is from each country. Crazy was a guy that I never was sure if I liked him or not. Foley throws out a little known fact that he and Smothers won tag titles in Japan.

This was ECW’s answer to the luchadores that were stolen by WCW. Joey is in his element here with a bunch of move names as Foley says he can’t keep up with Joey so he’s mostly on his own here. SICK dropkick to a seated Guido from Crazy. These guys are moving like insanity out there (can’t say Crazy is moving like crazy out there).

They hit the crowd and Crazy goes to the balcony and hits an AMAZING moonsault into the crowd before going back into the ring and taking the Tarantula. That moonsault really was amazing and Joey chanting DIOS MIO was hilarious. We haven’t had an American wrestler in a match yet.

There’s the FBI in there and since they have the combined IQ of yogurt, Mikey Whipwreck, Tajiri’s tag partner, comes in and hits the Whippersnapper (second rope Stunner which yes he used before Austin) so Tajiri gets the easy pin to get us down to the Japanese Buzzsaw vs. the Crazy Mexican wrestler. After some more Mikey shenanigans, a top rope moonsault ends this for Crazy.

Rating: C+. Other than the dive this was a total mess. It wasn’t terrible at all but compared to the stuff WCW would pull out, this really wasn’t that great. The dive was indeed awesome though and definitely makes the match.

We hit the highlight reel of ECW which has Shane making ECW more or less, the Night the Line Was Crossed, UltraClash III (Paul’s first show as booker), Sandman, Sabu, Dreamer getting caned, the chair throwing incident which was cool, Funk being lit on fire and Foley breaking kayfabe over it, the belt being thrown down, Sandman isn’t blind, the ring collapsing with Public Enemy and that’s it apparently.

The WWE invaders aren’t here yet.

The theme song is Bodies for no apparent reason. The sponsor is called DESTROY ALL HUMANS! That sounds like something that some demon screams.

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio

Still no traditional American wrestlers (yes I know Rey is from California but you get the idea). Psicosis doesn’t wear his mask after losing it in WCW, which is about as stupid of an idea as possible (Why let him keep the mask? I mean it’s not like he’s ridiculously popular and a ton of kids are going to buy them or anything so we’re in essence throwing away a gold mine or anything like that) but I digress.

Rey was still the high flier at this point and not a world champion or main event guy yet. The fans chant put the mask on which is amusing. The fans boo a sleeper hold from Psicosis. One thing you have to give to the ECW fans: they were never a dead crowd. Ah now that’s more like it: top rope legdrop onto Rey who is on the railing.

Note to self: watch Bash at the Beach where these two lit the company on fire with an epic opening match that stole the whole show. It just happened to have the most shocking heel turn in history and no one else ever mentioned anything else on the show. Naturally they were never pushed but that’s WCW for you. All right NOW we’re getting somewhere as they just dive all over the place. The 619 gets booed out of the building but the West Coast Pop ends it just afterwards.

Rating: B-. This was a slow start but once they got going it worked much better. This was all over the place and it worked about as well as you could ask for it to. The problem with the wrestling here is starting to show: 7 minutes per match simply isn’t enough to really get anything going, but again that’s not the point here.

The Crusaders/Invaders are here. There are too many to list but the main ones are Edge, Christian, Angle and JBL. Oh and Bischoff is with them too. Other than that it’s mainly jobbers. The heat on these guys is INSANE.

Roadkill and Doring talk about nothing and the Smackdown Crusaders interrupt them….somehow.

More highlights from ECW focusing on general carnage. The Monday Nyquil promo will never get old, period. This is more from the glory days and it’s FAR better than the PPV era. You really get the bad times of the company on PPV and that’s a shame really. I mark out still for the whole Dreamer/Raven insanity. There’s Taz vs. Shane which I would argue killed the company as much as any given angle for reasons I go into in far more detail in the regular PPV reviews.

Joel Gertner is in the Crusaders’ area. He gets a freaking ROAR. And JBL literally kicks him out. Angle runs down the ECW fans who chant you suck, so he says their mom taught him how to. The ending is clear here, but it’s going to be sweet. JBL trying to act like a big shot really is funny. However his rant against internet fans is pretty funny.

RVD’s music cuts off JBL’s rant though just as he says no one will ever be that big. He wouldn’t win the world title for a year though. I would have preferred Walk but One of a Kind suits him a little better and is still a great song. This was in the middle of the longest knee injury in recorded history as Van Dam was out for over a year because of it. RVD gets on the mic and more or less shoots for a bit on JBL and wrestling in general about how JBL sucks. Oh he says he’s shooting. Ok then.

Van Dam talks about how he was the biggest thing around at the end of ECW which is absolutely right. Of course Heyman wouldn’t put the belt on him ever when he could have carried ECW another 3-4 months at the least with Van Dam on top. He and Fonzie run through their whole deal and mention the idiotic two year TV Title run he had. Yeah it was stupid. If he’s the biggest guy in the company, why not make him WORLD CHAMPION?

He says he pitched the idea for this show to Vince, saying they didn’t even need a storyline. Van Dam can’t work tonight because of his knee injury and says missing tonight is worse than missing Wrestlemania. I’d buy that actually. Rhyno runs out and beats up Van Dam, bringing on a Sabu chant. And there go the lights. They come back up and that leads us to the following.

Sabu vs. Rhyno

Yep it’s chair time early and Rhyno gets popped like no other with it. I usually hate these things, but even I’m not stupid enough to think they meant nothing at all. Sabu is dominating this for the most part and it’s not as bad as I expected it to be actually. There’s not much to say about this.

The referee takes a gore and here’s Van Dam again. He gets the Chair Surf which is a move I’ve always liked. Yep it’s table time as it’s a Sabu match so there we are. Something that was supposed to be an Arabian SkullCrusher doesn’t work as I think the chair gets away from Sabu but it could have been worse I guess.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much. Like I said though it could have been far worse though as they had Sabu keep the weapons toned down here so that’s all fine and good. Far from great but these three had to be on the show somewhere.

Snow argues with Head. That might have been the most brilliant gimmick of all time. He sets up some more ECW clips which was more about insane moments which deserve clips of their own.

The Raw Crusaders are here now. Earlier it was just the Smackdown guys so Edge, Christian and Bischoff are just getting here. Oh the ending is going to be sweet.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is much more depressing to say the least upon my second viewing of this show. This is most odd but think about it: first match, both Canadians. Second match, all international guys. Third match, both luchadores. Last match, an “Arab” (Yes I know he’s from Michigan) and Rhyno. Now a Canadian vs. a guy more known as a Latino wrestler. That’s most uncommon. Joey says that these two and Foley are the three most successful guys to ever come out of ECW.

Remember that as I’ll reference it later. Let the sucking up by Joey begin. Someone has herpes apparently. The fans are more or less split here. Eddie is bleeding from the nose so make your own drug jokes. The fans start a MASSIVE FU Bischoff chant. You have to remember: Heyman blamed Bischoff for about 90% of ECW’s problems back in the day so he really is hated.

He’s also the guy that said ECW more or less was worthless and stole most of their talent. Do I need to explain what’s going on here? Of course this is solid. Eddie gets put in the Crossface and after a LONG time in it he taps.

Rating: B-. Again, how do you mess this one up? This needed more time to be anything great but this was good as you would expect. It’s a solid match although at the end Eddie just laid there rather than fight the hold which made me shake my head a lot. Give these two 25 minutes and it’s likely an A. The time killed it though.

Ad for Vengeance which had HHH vs. Batista in HIAC. There’s so much wrong with that airing on an ECW show I can’t believe it.

Gertner asks Bischoff for a job which is much funnier than it sounds. Maven is a crusader. Just take me now.

Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

Awesome is a guy that is HATED by Styles and ECW for jumping ship and trying to throw the belt in the trash on Nitro. Because you know, no one in ECW ever disrespected a belt or anything like that. Joey says that it’s a shame Awesome didn’t take his own life on a suicide dive. That’s true Joey. He took his own life by hanging himself. As for the match, it’s about as intense and stiff as you could ask for.

This was an epic rivalry that went around the world and had them trade the ECW Title. That’s the issue here: Awesome is a traitor to ECW but this match is stealing the show. Let the LOUD chair shots begin. I never liked Tanaka’s no selling of chair shots. Ok we get it: chair shots hurt a lot. Table time and JBL makes fun of it for which I can’t blame him. The jokes about Awesome being wasted in WCW are ridiculously true.

The guy was freaking amazing so we make him the Fat Chick Thrillah and That 70s Guy. And you wonder why they went out of business. The crowd is WAY into this one. Oh look: tables. How original! We get a THIS MATCH RULES chant. And there goes Tanaka over the top rope through a table with a powerbomb. Add in an over the top rope dive onto the concrete and it’s over. Intense as all goodness.

Rating: B+. Yep, the show has been stolen. These two had some WARS back in the day and this one was no exception at all. Very intense fight rather than a match but whatever. Incredibly fun to say the least.

Joey thanks the fans for buying the Rise and Fall of ECW. If you’ve never seen that, go watch it. It’s 3 hours long but that will FLY by. Easily the best documentary in WWE history to me.

The ECW theme plays and IT’S PAUL HEYMAN. This more or less is the main event of the show as Heyman has been quiet for over four years about ECW and its death. He gets on his knees and bows to the fans which is a nice touch. He’s breaking up already. Massive Thank You Paul chant. He has the headset and trenchcoat too. Apparently he’s not crying but rather was just smoking a joint with Van Dam.

He thanks some people and the fans. He was going to take the high road and leave, but SCREW THAT. He goes insane and just rants on everything in his head mainly talking about the Crusaders. This was around the time when Edge legitimately stole Lita from Matt Hardy so that’s a hot button issue.

To JBL: the only reason you were WWE Champion for a year was because HHH didn’t want to work Tuesdays. And that my friends is what you call EPIC FREAKING WIN. We get the classic THIS IS EC FREAKING W line to end it. That was worth about 10 dollars of the total cost alone.

Ad for The Devil’s Rejects. No clue what that was for.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Ok, so this is more or less by far and away the most famous and popular part of this show as the match won’t start for about 15 minutes or so. This was the first time the Dudleys had been seen in months on end and they would be gone and in TNA rather soon. Foley sums up a lot very easily: There are guys like me that absolutely love ECW and everything it stood for but at the end of the day consider themselves WWE guys.

Then you have guys like the Dudley Boys that work for WWE but in their hearts are always going to be ECW guys. That sums up this whole show better than anything else could I think. Dreamer gets a pop and a half. You can tell Dreamer is WAY impressed and really in awe of this. The music hits and so begins the most famous entrance in modern wrestling history at least.

Enter Sandman (original, not that Motorhead nonsense) hits and he’s in the crowd. The fans sing the song for his entrance in what is an awesome moment. He’s on his second beer and he’s still on the top floor. Hey he’s at the railing! His entrance is at 3 minutes now. Bubba gets beer spit at him. Tommy and Sandman have beers with CW Anderson and Chris Chetti in the front row before pouring one on two girls’ chest and licking it off, one of which is Elektra.

D-Von dancing to Metallica is funny stuff and the cane gets jacked off. Five and a half minutes now. Hand pounds all around…and there’s the BWO. The reaction from Foley is hilarious. Think Ray from Ghostbusters when he says “It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man”. Just cracks me up every time. Match hasn’t started yet. Stevie looks good here actually. Joey sums up the BWO perfectly: “If any gimmick never deserved to make a dime and made a whole boatload of cash, this is it.

And the best is they couldn’t sue us because it was a parody.” For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about, the BWO is the Blue World Order: Big Stevie Cool, Da Blue Guy and Hollywood Nova (Simon Dean). They were a parody of the NWO which wound up being ridiculously popular so they ran with it.

Stevie says they’re taking over and kicks Sandman in the face. Let the brawling begin. Kid Kash is here, having just been fired from TNA, marking I believe the first and only time it was mentioned on WWE programming. He does nothing and here are Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten: the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks.

They beat up the BWO so the interfering people are fighting the other interfering people. Nova gets chaired to death, giving us this great line: Joey: that’s more painful than having to be Simon Dean on national TV. Everyone brawls in the aisle and Kash has the referee get on all fours for a HUGE front flip onto all of them. Bubba busts out the trashcans. Remember the match hasn’t started yet. Oh hey there it is, 14 minutes after the Dudleys’ song started. Dreamer has a cheese grated.

The fans chant for Cactus Jack which Foley kind of laughs off. Cheese grater across Dreamer’s head is SICK! Oh he’s busted bad so Bubba rubs it on his face. Joey: Tommy’s skin looks like cabbage in a coleslaw. In case you can’t tell, I freaking love this. Foley calls the grater comical. Sometimes I’d pay to be inside that man’s head. Sandman brings in the ladder. We get probably my all time favorite comedy line in wrestling.

Joey says he was going to compare Dreamer wrestling tonight to Gehrig’s last at bat at Yankee Stadium but Gehrig didn’t whip out a cheese grater and start mutilating people with it. And that my friends is why I love wrestling. It’s so insane that to us it makes sense, but when you compare it to something else, it sounds ridiculous. However, in wrestling, there are three words that make things magical: It Could Happen.

That is why I love wrestling: you never know what you could see. Naturally this is just a wild brawl all over the place. Bubba hits a frog splash on Sandy which has to be better than some forms of execution. D-Von takes the White Russian legsweep and we get a double figure four on the Dudleys but the Impact Players run in. Sandman gets a That’s Incredible on barbed wire and here’s Francine.

Beaulah makes her return for the CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT!!! Dreamer saves her and they have their big reunion with Dreamer’s face covered in blood. The Dudleys get DDTed by the two of them, making me smile. WHERE ELSE BUT IN WRESTLING COULD YOU GET THIS? Beaulah gets two on Bubba and she’s hardcore according to the fans. Joey is told in his headset that he can’t say balls, which he makes fun of of course.

Sandman goes through a table for two. 3D on Dreamer, and it’s the old style, not the crap one now. We have another table and here’s Spike who is seeing COLORS! Yep, the table is on fire and there goes Tommy. In a spot that makes me cringe, Tommy’s head is tilted towards the mat and blood just pools up from his head. That’s a great visual. Bubba actually dives on him for the pin.

Rating: N/A. Can’t give this a fair grade as it wasn’t a match by any definition of the word. Make no mistake about it though: this is the highlight of the show and as much fun as I can remember having watching wrestling perhaps ever.

Post match (oh like you didn’t expect something else to happen) the Dudleys go after Beaulah and get the tar cained out of them. In a spot that always makes me chuckle, Spike comes back again and Sandman turns around and just canes him again before going back to what he was doing. He looked like he was paying a parking meter or something. Sandman looks at Tommy and says someone….someone…SOMEONE GET ME A BEER! Joey: screw the beer, get him some plasma! “Somebody get me a beer!”

CUE GLASS SHATTER!

Yep, Austin (in a freaking XFL jersey of all things) is here. He calls out the whole locker room and says he wants to see a fight. Yep he calls down the crusaders and you know what’s coming. The heat is awesome here. The sight of everyone on their own side of the ring looks great. The crowd chants WE WANT TAZ and guess who shows up. Yep it’s old school Taz, as in the machine Taz. Bischoff is on commentary.

The fight is on and Taz and Angle hit the floor. After a bit of a scuffle, Taz chokes him out. Now the interesting thing is this: in the back of the ring you can see JBL going CRAZY on someone. It would turn out to be Blue Meanie and JBL was legitimately beating him until Tracy Smothers and a few others picked up on it and helped him. This started a legit feud between them with Smothers calling JBL out for a real fight anytime anywhere.

Anyway, other than that of course the ECW guys clean house and run the WWE guys off. After they leave, Austin gets on the mic (wearing JBL’s hat) and says to Mick Foley to bring Bischoff to the ring. The fans kind of collectively gasp as they know what’s coming. This was a wet dream for them to say the least. The funny part is that he can’t go into the crowd because he’ll get hurt worse out there.

Bischoff takes a 3D, the flying headbutt from Benoit (complete with Austin telling him to kill this SOB), a 619 (booed loudly) and a Stunner as the fans are in awe. The Dudleys literally throw Eric out of the building and the party is on. Joey screams ECW LIVES to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show just isn’t that good. I mean the wrestling is weak, the stories are non-existent and there is no way I can keep doing this with a straight face. It’s really nothign short of an A+. And if there was a higher grade it would get it. This is one of my favorite shows ever, possibly even number 3 after Summerslam 90 and Mania 17. They wanted one blowout show to end it and they hit it so far out of the park you can’t see where it landed.

This is about as perfect of a show as you’ll ever find and it is amazing. Everything clicked, the crowd is in the levels of Canadian Stampede and nothing was left out other than stuff for ridiculously hardcore fans. The key to it all: they let ECW be ECW, not the WWE version that would come NXT year.

Even if you weren’t an ECW fan like I wasn’t, this is a must see show. It feels like the old stuff and works like a charm. The ending couldn’t be any sweeter and it made everything perfect. Absolutely see this show, no questions asked.

 

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Monday Nitro #123
Date: January 19, 1998
Location: Louisiana Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

This is the final Nitro before Souled Out and the main matches are already set. The world title situation hasn’t been addressed at all since the first episode of Thunder so it doesn’t look like we’re getting Sting vs. Hogan II at the PPV. We are however getting Bret vs. Flair in what has been a very well built up feud. The main event tonight is Hogan vs. Giant, hopefully without Robin Hood. Let’s get to it.

The Nitro Girls dance to open the show.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rick Martel

Eddie jumps Martel before the bell but Rick rams him into the buckle to take over. A middle rope clothesline sets up a gorilla press on Eddie to send him out to the floor. Back in and Martel snaps off some quick armdrags and Eddie is getting frustrated. Guerrero goes after the knee to take Martel down and puts on a quick side leg lock. The slingshot hilo hits Martel’s leg and a belly to back suplex gets two. Eddie spends too much time bragging and gets caught in a spinebuster and the Quebec Crab for the tap out.

Rating: C-. This was really quick but it was nice while it lasted. There was a nice little story here as Eddie took out the leg but got too cocky and got caught. For a three minute match, that’s about as effective as you can get. Martel continues to look like he hasn’t lost a step despite not being a regular competitor for years now while Eddie was smooth as always.

We see the end of Thunder with the NWO imploding again as Nash and Savage are on the verge of completely disintegrating. They slapped each other during the match and Hogan had to play peacekeeper. Post match Hogan accidentally hit Savage to make the problems even worse. Giant and Sting ran out for the save and stood tall to end the show.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Eric has Sting’s bat for some reason and presents it to Hogan as a trophy. Hogan says that the NWO has a pecking order and everyone is going to fall in line as they’re supposed to. If anyone steps over the line, they’ll have to answer to Hogan and the bat. He knows everyone is praying to God to rectify the situation with the world title and put the belt back where it belongs. As for Giant, Hogan is proving he’s a fighting champion by beating him tonight before moving on to Sting and for Hogan’s world title.

Chris Benoit vs. Marty Jannetty

The announcers say that this is a match Benoit has been wanting for awhile. Benoit starts pounding away on Jannetty but gets caught in a headscissors to give Marty a breather. A superkick puts Benoit down followed by the jumping fist drop for no cover. Benoit gets a boot up in the corner and takes Jannetty’s head off with a back elbow. Marty actually wins a slugout in the corner and gets two off a knee lift.

Benoit blocks a suplex into a snap suplex of his own for one before throwing Marty to the outside. Jannetty slides through the legs to get back in before slamming Benoit face first into the mat. Here’s the Flock in the aisle but Benoit takes Jannetty down into the Crossface for the fast submission.

Rating: C. This was better than I was expecting. Jannetty really was better than people gave him credit for and he’s been showing that a bit in WCW. He more than held his own against Benoit and didn’t look bad in his other matches so far. Benoit looked good as well here in his tuneup match for Raven on Saturday and the Crossface came out of nowhere for the finish.

Post match the Flock storms the ring but Benoit fights them off and stares Raven down. The distraction lets Saturn get in a cheap shot but Jannetty comes up to make the save. Marty dives onto most of the Flock so Benoit can swan dive onto Lodi.

Jerry Flynn vs. The Cat

It’s Ernest Miller in his more famous persona. Flynn kicks him in the chest to start before countering a kick into a quick ankle lock. Cat makes the ropes and puts on a cross armbreaker which is broken just as quickly. Flynn comes back with a clothesline and a chop but Miller hits an enziguri as the martial arts begin. Cat hits his top rope spin kick for the fast pin. Short match here but it’s clear that UFC is starting to become an influence on professional wrestling.

Here’s Scott Hall with something to say. After the NWO wins, Hall says that he isn’t worried about Zbyszko because he gets the title shot at SuperBrawl no matter what. Hall calls out Larry for only being AWA World Champion (mentioned by name for the first time here) because his father in law was world champion and for the company going under with Larry on top. Hall says Dusty is a better wrestler turned announcer and Larry doesn’t want any of Hall. Larry says he wants him on Saturday and heads to the ring as we take a break.

Buff Bagwell/Konnan vs. Steiner Brothers

Scott starts with Buff and it’s time for a pose down. Buff hiptosses him down and takes Scott into the corner, only to be pounded down with forearms to the back. A belly to back puts Buff into the ropes and it’s off to Konnan. Scott speeds things up and leapfrogs over Konnan before nailing him with a clothesline. A running gorilla press sends Konnan rolling to the floor as it’s all Scott so far. DiBiase yells at him to tag but Scott doesn’t seem interested.

Back to Buff who is powerslammed into the Tree of Woe in the corner so Scott can choke away. He shoves the referee before being whipped into Konnan’s knee, allowing Buff to clothesline Scott to the floor. Rick finally comes over to make the save for his first action at all in the match. Konnan and Buff take turns pounding away as Scott isn’t interested in tagging. Scott clotheslines both NWO guys down and knocks Buff to the floor. The Steiner Screwdriver (now just an over the shoulder tombstone for safety’s sake) hits Konnan for the pin. Rick did nothing other than the save on the floor.

Rating: C-. Scott’s heel turn is working well so far but we’re still in the early stages. At this point the team is winning most of their matches and Scott is looking more and more dominant every time he’s out there. Rick and Ted can’t get through to him but the team is winning so they don’t have much to complain about.

Scott and Buff pose at each other post match with Buff running from a showdown. Rick stares at Scott but Scott walks away and celebrates on his own.

Hour #2 begins so the announcers recap the events of the first hour.

Here’s Giant with something to say. While he can’t touch Kevin Nash, he’s got the chokeslam for Hogan tonight. This brings out Nash with a cup of coffee and Hogan with the ball bat. Nash gets in Giant’s face but here’s Savage to go after Nash. Hogan calls him off but Savage comes in and knees Hogan into Nash, sending Nash into Giant. Nash throws the coffee into a ticked off Giant’s face but Hogan hits Giant with the bad. Sting runs out and gives Hogan the Death Drop to take his bat back. Giant is on his feet again about twenty seconds after Hulk Hogan hit him in the back with a bat. That’s an impressive recovery.

Nitro Girls.

TV Title: Mortis vs. Booker T

They slug it out to start as the announcers talk about Nitro going to three hours next week. Booker hits a quick ax kick and cranks on an armbar for a bit. Mortis avoids an elbow drop but Booker Spinaroonis up and hits a side kick to knock Mortis to the floor. Back in and Booker slingshots into a northern lights suplex by Mortis for two. Mortis loads up a top rope frankensteiner but Booker counters into a scary looking powerbomb off the top. Mortis is dead and the Harlem Hangover is good for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much to see but the slingshot into the northern lights suplex looked great. The match was just a quick win for Booker which is fine as it allows him to get on TV and showcase what he can do for a few minutes. It’s also a good sign that WCW can throw different people out there to challenge for the title instead of having the same few guys challenge over and over again.

Post match Wrath comes out to lay Booker out but Rick Martel makes the save. He asks for a title shot at the PPV and Booker says if it’s ok with the company it’s ok with him.

Here’s Flair for the hard sell for the match with Hart. Flair immediately takes the jacket off and says he’s here to wake the dead and make little girls talk out of their head. He takes the mic and lays on the mat, telling Bret to Scorpion this. Cue Bret as Flair gets on the apron. Hart praises Flair as one of the greatest wrestlers of all time but Bret has been waiting for this moment his entire life.

It’s like he’s starting his career over again against Ric Flair, and Bret is going to run over Flair on Saturday. Flair can compare their histories, but on Sunday morning Flair is going to wake up and feel that Bret is the best there is, was and ever will be. Flair says that he respects Bret’s family and he’s giving Bret one more chance to say that Ric is the best ever. Bret smiles at him and says that Flair will know who the best is on Sunday morning.

We look at Jericho attacking Mysterio last week on Nitro and costing him the Cruiserweight Title match. The announcers also talk about Mysterio winning the title on Thursday, setting up a title defense against Jericho on Saturday.

Chris Jericho vs. Juventud Guerrera

Juvy gets a quick sunset flip for two and monkey flips Jericho into the ropes to frustrate Jericho again. Jericho offers a handshake but clotheslines Juvy down to take over. Guerrera seems to be a face here despite being a heel against Mysterio last week. Jericho can’t hit a tornado DDT and gets rolled up for two. Juvy hits a top rope spinwheel kick for two more but misses a charge and falls out to the floor to stop his momentum cold. Jericho holds the ropes open and kicks Guerrera as he comes back in, setting up the Liontamer for the submission.

Rating: C-. This was just a quick match to give Jericho more momentum leading into his title shot against Mysterio at the PPV. Jericho’s turn has been well built up to this point and it’s really easy to hate him given his actions. You put that against a natural hero in Rey and you get a good match as a result. It’s basic booking but very effective.

Jericho takes his time to let the hold go and says it’s because Juvy didn’t make it clear that he gave up. Chris jumps Juvy but Rey runs out for the save, setting up a double team on Jericho.

Scott Hall vs. Lex Luger

Hall throws his toothpick at Luger so Lex slaps him in the face. They fight over a lockup until Luger shoves Hall into the corner and flexes a lot. Hall wants a test of strength but suckers Luger into a double arm crank instead of trying his luck. The fans are distracted by something in the crowd so the hold stays on for a good while. Luger finally counters into the same hold on Hall but Scott kicks him low to escape.

Hall stomps away and puts on a sleeper, only to have Luger counter into one of his own. As is always the custom with this counter to Hall’s sleeper, Scott quickly breaks the hold but gets punched down. Luger fires off the atomic drops and clotheslines but Savage runs in for the DQ before the Rack goes on.

Rating: D. The arm hold screwed a lot of this up but it wasn’t much of a match either way. Luger and Savage are fighting again at the PPV in a match that really doesn’t have much of a story other than WCW vs. NWO, which isn’t much to base a major match on. There was no mention of Zbyszko vs. Hall during the entire match either.

Hall and Savage stomp Luger down until Zbyszko runs out and is beaten down as well. Lex makes the save with a chair.

The Giant vs. Hollywood Hogan

Hogan comes to the ring in a neck brace, talking about how Giant caused his injuries. Bischoff says that Hogan can’t fight tonight so Giant lifts him off the floor and suplexes him into the ring as the bell sounds. There goes the neck brace and Giant hits a quick running clothesline in the corner. Nash has come out to ringside as Giant chokes in the corner with his boot ala Big Kev.

They head to the floor with Hogan being rammed into the barricade. In a really impressive power display, Giant presses Hogan over his head and back inside over the top rope. Nash distracts Giant and Hogan FINALLY gets in a shot to the back to take over. Hollywood pounds away in the corner and chokes Giant down before hitting the big boot to the chest. Just like the old days, Hogan slams him down and drops the leg but Savage comes out to distract Hogan. Giant pops up and the chokeslam ends the match.

Rating: C-. It’s really hard to complain about seeing Hogan wrestle for free on Nitro against a big named guy. The match was really just a backdrop for the NWO drama but it was still entertaining stuff. Hogan’s abilities when he’s in his comfort zone are often forgotten because of how bad he can be at times, but almost any time you get to see him against a monster you get an entertaining match.

Post match Giant goes after Savage, Nash goes after Savage, Luger runs out to go after Savage, and the NWO comes in for the save. Sting repels from the ceiling into the crowd (after running to the ring earlier) and finally clears the ring of the NWO. WCW stands tall to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. With only one bad match and some great buildup for Souled Out, it’s hard to find much to complain about here. It’s really interesting to see how well WCW was clicking at this point given how bad things fell apart just a few months later. This was an entertaining show and it made me want to watch Souled Out so the show is a success.

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No Way Out 2005
Date: February 20, 2005
Location: Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 9,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Taz

Not much to say here. It’s a Smackdown show and we’re in the very last stages of JBL’s title reign as he would lose to Cena at Mania. Other than that we have Cena vs. Angle which is probably for the Mania title shot. I really with they could come up with something more interesting than that, which I guess they have with the Chamber matches. There’s nothing else to talk about in the intro so let’s get to it.

Oh I almost forgot: the main event is a barbed wire steel cage match for the title with JBL vs. Big Show.

The video is about being trapped in the cage and there being no way out. Glad to see them be inventive with these things.

We look at the cage during Cole’s intro and there are certainly no barbs on it. It’s a regular cage with the barbed wire along the top where you climb over. There are no visible barbs there either.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Eddie Guerrero vs. Basham Brothers

The brothers have the belts here. This is the beginning of Eddie’s last major feud with Rey which ended at Summerslam. He would feud with Batista a bit before dying. The Bashams are JBL’s secretaries of defense. Eddie vs. Danny to start us off. Tazz calls Rey a jaguar. That was rather odd. The challengers beat up on the Bashams for a bit as you know that other than a screwy finish there was no way the titles weren’t changing here.

Eddie gets in some trouble and can’t bring in Rey. The Bashams work him over as we talk about the main event some. Ah there’s Rey as things naturally start going faster. Rey gets his bulldog and Cole thinks it’s a DDT. Seriously does he even pay attention? Some twin magic has Rey in trouble again which Cole says is fine due to it being a family tradition.

Rey’s bumping has always been straight up awesome and this is no exception. He makes even basic moves look like he’s being destroyed. Mysterio hits a BIG moonsault to take Doug down for two but he still can’t tag. Crowd isn’t really that into it as I guess they know the formula at this point.

We get a weird bit about Eddie and tag ropes which is supposed to be funny I guess and I do not get it at all. Big double team move that sends Rey down face first and then it turns into a comedy/acrobatic segment with Rey diving all over the place and finally getting a tag. The Bashams beat down Eddie a bit and hit what is more or less a double chokeslam for no cover.

Rey gets back in and it’s a big brawl. Eddie goes to the floor and grabs a title belt but Rey stops him as does the referee. Was there a point to that? He goes for the Frog Splash but rolls through. Doug thinks he crashed (in the words of Marvin the Martian, “where’s the kaboom?” Isn’t that kind of a problem?) and gets rolled up for two. A belt shot from Eddie in all the confusion gives them the belts. Odd ending sequence there.

Rating: C. Not bad but absolutely nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times a year. Rey and Eddie would open Mania in a one on one match which was pretty good. This wasn’t much of a tag match but at least the right team won and at least they had some history so it wasn’t a totally random pairing. Nothing special at all though but the fifteen minutes it got went by fast.

Teddy talks to a producer and says that when Batista gets here (he was debating which brand to come to for his Royal Rumble win title match) to give him whatever he wants. Carlito and the wife of a member of the board comes in and says they hope he signs Batista. It’s a way for Carlito to get Teddy fired which was his big thing. If Teddy doesn’t sign Batista he’s fired apparently.

There is a Smackdown Diva Rookie of the Year contest tonight. Apparently there are enough rookie Divas on Smackdown to warrant a contest and we’re determining it in late February. Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie are the hosts. The first event is an evening gown contest and the first is Joy Giovanni. It makes me want to play Pokemon if nothing else.

Second is Rochelle Loewen who was in Playboy. There’s nothing to this as they walk to the ring and then the next person comes out. Third is Lauren Jones and again no one knows who she is. The hosts don’t like Lauren. The last is Michelle McCool who you may have heard of. The hosts are at the announce table too. This was about as big of a waste of five minutes as you could ask for. Oh and there are two more competitions.

Ad for Mania which is the Hollywood campaign that I always loved. They put some thought into these and they came off far better than most others. This one is Pulp Fiction with Booker T as Samuel L. Jackson and Eddie as John Travolta. I think you know the scene that they’re doing. Booker hands the guy a pair of Mania tickets rather than a gun. They accidentally shoot the guy anyway.

Heidenreich vs. Booker T

No real backstory here other than Heidenreich needed a feud after Taker got done beating him up. This was made after Smackdown apparently when Booker thought Heidenreich was laughing at Booker after a loss. He reads a poem before the match which isn’t very good. It’s kind of hard to get into this as it’s about as thrown onto the card as you could want a match to be.

Basic match to start and Jon (not typing that whole name out every time) talks to himself and hits himself in the head. Pretty back and forth here as Booker hits him a good deal but can’t drop him. Jon wasn’t an invincible guy which more or less took away any fear he would instill in anyone else. Well that and when he raped Cole. Jon takes over and gets a key lock as this is rather uninteresting.

Booker makes a comeback but gets kicked in the face to stop that. And now back to the same hold as he had on before. Booker makes another comeback and hits a superkick to set up the Spinarooni. Jon is sent to the floor where he grabs a chair and blasts Booker in the throat with it for the DQ.

Rating: F+. It was too long, it wasn’t interesting, there was no story, the ending sucked and the wrestling was boring. Why in the world was this on a pay per view? Heidenreich was a pretty big misfire if there ever has been one as he never was interesting or a threat to anyone really. This was a great example of how worthless he was.

Post match Heidenreich covers Booker because he’s insane. Moving on.

Eddie and Rey are celebrating with random faces when Cena comes in. Eddie wants to talk to him alone and offers a nice thing saying if he doesn’t beat Angle it would be understandable. This is a big night tonight because if Cena wins he goes to Mania which is the point of everything. Eddie sounds like he’s about to cry. He says not to tap because it would tick Angle off and that’s Cena’s chance. In other words Cena, you’re not good enough to beat Angle yourself, so make him beat himself. Nice guy that Eddie. No idea what the point of this was.

Cruiserweight Title: Paul London vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Akio vs. Spike Dudley vs. Funaki vs. Shannon Moore

This is a Cruiserweight Open. The idea is a gauntlet match by random draw and the winner is the champion. Everyone comes out in random order and will stand at ringside rather than coming down the aisle. The first pairing is Paul London and Funaki who is champion coming in. Nothing special at all here as they go back and forth a bit. Chavo tries to come in but Spike (the former champion and a heel) drills Funaki in the back and London gets to roll him up for the pin.

Funaki hits Spike so London gets him and we’re down to four in less than two minutes. Shannon Moore is in at #4. More basic stuff here with nothing special going on. Shannon whips London into the corner chest first a few times. London hits two moves, a back elbow and the 450, to get the pin. Wow I hate these matches.

Akio (Jimmy Wang Yang) is in at #5. He beats on the tired London and hooks a chinlock in a freaking cruiserweight match. London has had maybe four moves total in his three wins. London gets a swinging neckbreaker off the top and both guys are down since there isn’t really any difference in how either guy lands. We get the double count and Akio doesn’t make it. I have NEVER seen anyone lose that way before.

So it’s Chavo vs. London for the title. London gets beaten down even more but hits a Dragon Suplex for two. This is probably about over which is what makes this even stupider. London makes a real comeback, hammering away with everything he’s got. A Dropsault gets two and then Chavo rolls him up with the ropes for the title. Chavo was in the ring less than three minutes.

Rating: F. I can’t stand these things. The champion got pinned in less than 100 seconds and the longest “match” was less than three and a half minutes. The pins are WAY too fast to be realistic and you can’t get into any pairing. Also London getting in nothing before the very last match was very stupid. I can’t stand these things and this as no exception.

We see a clip from Smackdown where Batista destroyed JBL’s limo after it almost ran him over on Raw. Show and Batista wanted to go after JBL but he ran away.

Show is worried about the cage. Or maybe he wants to eat a small animal, like a cow.

We actually get a graphic from Tazz explaining that you can win the cage match by pin, submission and escape. Apparently there won’t be access through the door.

Wrestlemania Recall: THE GIMMICK BATTLE ROYAL! That might be the best Mania match of all time ever.

Time for round two of the Rookie Diva stuff. This is the talent competition. They have to reintroduce the contestants. There are only six matches on the card and yet they have to pad it out with THIS? There wasn’t something better to do than to put SIX Cruiserweights in the same match? Joy goes first and her talent is massage so she rubs Torrie’s back. I feel like I’m watching outtakes of NXT.

Rochelle tells jokes. They suck.

Lauren, who is SHORT, dances. Not bad but in essence she strips.

Michelle’s talent is slamming Dawn who has run her mouth the whole time. I’m cracking up at this: a person’s special talent in a competition about being the best in a wrestling company was WRESTLING. WHAT A CONCEPT!

JBL tells Josh that he’s not scared. Who would have guessed Josh is still on the payroll and JBL isn’t? He talks way too long as it’s very clear they’re trying as hard as possible to fill in time.

Luther Reigns vs. Undertaker

No story here. Reigns is part of Angle’s team and they don’t like Undertaker. That’s it. Reigns was just a big power guy that was pretty generic to put it mildly. Mark Jindrak is out there with Reigns. And so much for that as he gets thrown out. This is more time wasting if you didn’t get that. Is there a reason why we had six matches on this card? We get a clip from Smackdown where Reigns hit Taker with a camera just after he beat Jindrak.

Taker is only 12-0 at Mania here so you know it’s a long time ago. Basic striking contest to start and guess who wins there. Reigns gets the turnbuckle pad off but Taker blocks the shot into it. This is your standard big man vs. big man match here. Reigns goes back first into the buckle as I’m kind of surprised Taker is staying in control this long as it’s not something you often see.

Apron legdrop has Luther in real trouble. Ah there’s the low blow to get Taker in trouble so he can make his traditional comeback. His head goes into the buckle and it’s the same spot that got hit by the buckle. Basic power stuff focusing on the head by Luther here as nothing special is going on here at all. There is ZERO heat here as the fans know that Luther isn’t going to win and we’re just waiting for Taker to make his comeback.

Taker gets a jumping….double axe handle to take over. What the heck? When does he do ANYTHING but the clothesline there? Snake eyes are blocked and a big boot takes Luther down. The fans flat out do not care. Chokeslam hits but Tombstone is countered into a reverse DDT. Cole SCREAMS at us that it was a swinging neckbreaker which was Reigns’ finisher and he looks like a total idiot because of it.

Taz calls it the same thing. Seriously are they THAT stupid? He goes for the actual move and Taker counters into a DDT. The Tombstone ends it seconds later. Sweet goodness those announcers are idiots.

Rating: D+. Totally by the book match here which we’ve seen a thousand times from Taker. Reigns never really meant anything at all and would be gone relatively soon and never heard from again. Taker beating up muscle guys who hit their finishers on him is about as standard as you could want from him and this was no exception. Boring match but I’ve seen worse.

Teddy is worried that Batista isn’t here yet.

We get another Mania ad, this one from Basic Instinct with Benoit and Jericho interrogating Stacy. Stacy smokes and makes lesbian jokes about her and Trish which give Jericho and Benoit some, ahem, issues. Christian, who means nothing at this point, is there too. Mae and Moolah come in and flash the interrogators.

Time for the final round of this nonsense. Dawn won’t come out for this one. This is the swimsuit round and they come out to Candace’s music. Joy comes out in a jersey and the others in robes. I don’t think I ever remember seeing Michelle in a swimsuit. Joy is wearing little shorts over a thong and won’t take them off. Rochelle trips but catches herself.

Lauren’s is too big as this isn’t going anywhere at all other than, say it with me, WASTING MORE TIME. Michelle looks good but nothing that special. This is just stupid. Rochelle probably looks best. We poll the audience while we wait on the votes to be tallied. They like Joy, who is the hottest looking overall, best. Joy DOMINATES, getting 65% of the votes. Lauren gets 6%. Rochelle, Joy and Lauren were gone in a few weeks, making this even MORE pointless if that’s possible.

We recap the #1 contender’s tournament where the finals are tonight. In order, Booker beat Eddie, Cena beat Orlando Jordan, Taker and Dupree had a draw and Angle beat Rey, sending him to the finals. Cena beat Booker, setting up Cena vs. Angle for the spot in the title match at Mania. There’s a short thing about Angle vs. Cena too as you can see the star in Cena about to explode.

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena is the second hottest thing in the world at this point just after Batista. He’s US Champion here also. Angle doesn’t get much of a big hometown pop which says something about his heat gathering abilities. Angle takes him to the mat to start as they’re going to have a lot of time to work with here. He gets a pretty bad belly to belly into what can best be described as a reverse chickenwing which looked pretty awesome.

Cena makes a comeback and knocks Angle to the floor and is booed LOUDLY. They brawl onto the announce table with Cena in control. Release Fisherman’s Suplex gets two. I think the back in the ring aspect was a given there. Angle avoids the FU and hits the floor for a breather. You can see the look in Cena’s eyes and it’s awesome.

He beats Angle down in the corner but Angle reverses and hits a release German into the buckle which was a cool looking spot. We go to a body scissors and Angle loudly calls spots to Cena. I love little things like those for some reason. Angle wrestles him down every time and Cena responds by just punching him. Angle rolls the Germans for two. Cena gets up and hits a spinebuster for two.

FU is reversed into a sunset flip and then a belly to belly as Cena is in trouble again. Angle Slam is reversed and Cena gets a DDT for two. Tazz isn’t sure if Cena winning would be an upset or not. FU is blocked again into the ankle lock and Cena is in big non-trouble as he reverses, sending Angle to the floor. He gets the top rope Fameasser as Angle is getting in for two.

Angle charges at Cena but walks into the FU for a LONG two. Kurt kicks him in the knee and goes after the leg. Angle Slam hits after some submission holds get Angle nowhere. Ankle lock goes on and Cena is in the middle of the ring. Gee do you think he’ll tap? How can you get away with pulling a guy back to the middle after he has the ropes already? I’ve never gotten that.

And Angle shoves the referee down for no adequately explained reason. He grabs Cena’s chain off the corner which is apparently Cena’s pride and joy. Screw that US Title thing. FU hits and amazingly enough that gets the pin as the referee was down before that. Cena winning was a legit surprise here as I think it was still a huge upset. He would lose the US Title to Jordan before the PPV. Yes, Orlando Jordan beat John Cena for a title.

Rating: B. Solid match here but it never quite got into that high gear to make it great. Cena’s match would get about 10 minutes while Angle would have a classic with Shawn that went over twenty. Still though this this was rather good and both guys were working out there. I think that Cena had more skills than Batista but Batista was flat out bigger at this point. Solid match though but I wonder how much of that is because of Angle.

Batista still isn’t here.

The cage is lowered. We need to have a general spam discussion match on PPV one time.

The recap of the main event match talks about Jindrak and Reigns costing Show the title at the Rumble. Show wanted it one on one so we got this. Batista is mentioned here too but not how he fits in here. A lot of this is the same stuff from the earlier package.

Smackdown World Title: JBL vs. Big Show

Basic stuff to start as JBL takes Show down with a flying tackle. He goes up but is afraid of the barbed wire. He tries a cross body and guess how well that goes for him. They’re staying away from the wire so far and it’s just a basic match for the most part here. Show is busted open after eating some cage. Bradshaw in full control here.

He rips the tag rope off the corner and chokes away with it. Show hits something like a superkick to put JBL down. Does Cole have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids? He can snap those things off like they’re nothing. Powerbomb by Show and JBL is in trouble. The fans chant RVD who was hurt at the time.

Cole says the cage is a carnivore. Why do steel structures always have to have lives of their own in this company? Show gets a slingshot (Cole says monkey flip) into the cage. Here’s Jordan to climb the cage. The Bashams cut through part of the cage but Teddy comes out, saying to leave. Jordan manages to slip some bolt cutters to JBL who pops Show with them and adds the Clothesline From Hell for two.

For some reason there’s more or less no reaction for the kickout from the world champion’s finisher. Chokeslam hits for two as well which gets kind of a reaction but nothing huge. Another chokeslam is blocked though as JBL kicks the little Shows and adds a boot to the face. The door is closed and locked and isn’t eligible for escaping.

Bradshaw climbs up and uses the bolt cutters to cut through some of the wire. Show gets up and knocks them out of his hand. JBL is slammed into the cage a few times as the wire has more or less meant jack so far in this match. Show grabs him by the throat and chokeslams him through the ring, prompting a pretty weak holy expletive chant.

Show finds a safe spot and climbs down but he’s not sure what to do. Some things never change I guess. Instead Show pulls on the chain and lock which he rips apart with his bare hands. Well why mess with what works? He opens the door and climbs to the floor as JBL is declared the winner and still champion. While Show was wasting all kinds of time, JBL climbed through the hole in the ring and hit the floor first to retain. I love that ending because JBL followed the rules perfectly and Show’s reliance on power cost him.

Rating: D+. I REALLY wasn’t impressed here. If this was a regular cage match then it’s ok I guess but the barbed wire was just stupid. It did a total of nothing other than acting as a deterrent I guess, which a regular cage would have done just as fine or a cage with a top on it. This was a waste of time for the most part and didn’t work that well at all. Weak main event.

The Cabinet, JBL’s crew, comes out for the big beatdown and Batista comes out for the save. He’s in his gear of course. Don’t you travel like that? JBL tries to leave but Cena stops him. Apparently Cena vs. JBL is already made, which makes the signing of the contract totally pointless. Cena gives him a spinebuster onto the equipment. Apparently it’s either Cena vs. JBL or a triple threat. Yeah because I’m SURE they would let HHH have the night off right?

Overall Rating: D. This was bad. The Cena/Angle match is good and there’s some ok stuff elsewhere on the card, but the vast majority of this stuff is fast forward time. These split branded shows were just awful and this is a great example. They had SIX matches and had to give three different segments to the rookie Divas and nothing happened with them but they got about 15 minutes total. I hated this PPV but the Rumble and Mania were both good so they were allowed to have a bad show I guess. Take a pass here and find the better Cena/Angle matches elsewhere.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at:

 

Great American Bash 2000
Date: June 11, 2000
Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Attendance: 7,031
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Well I figured that since I’m halfway through 2000 I might as well finish the year off and for some reason I thought it would be better to start adding one on to the end at a time. Anyway the main event is Jarrett vs. Nash for the title with a huge swerve that would be blasted from one end of the world to another but that’s expected. The rest of the card is your usual WCW 2000 garbage so let’s get to it.

 

There are cops waiting on Goldberg to get here because I guess he isn’t here yet or something.

 

The opening video talks about the matches tonight, which has Flair vs. Flair and Hogan vs. Billy Kidman. Well ok then. No theme to it or anything, just a list of some matches.

 

Apparently Goldberg has been let out of a Nashville jail. Why is he in it? Who cares. Apparently he was in it though.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Disco Inferno vs. Lieutenant Loco

 

Loco is Chavo Guerrero and is champion here. Chavo says he has a surprise for Disco: and it’s something that the announcers aren’t thrilled with him having. I don’t particularly care since they’re not sure either but apparently it’s something they would have gotten in trouble for having. Disco is part of the Filthy Animals here. Can we just look at Major Gunns and Tygress?

 

Everyone is chilling at ringside so it looks like a lumberjack match for the most part. Disco is in a Lakers jersey and Chavo is in blue camouflage so this is a rather weird looking match to say the least. Chavo takes over to start but Disco gets a hot shot to take over. And never mind as he gets sent to the floor for the quick beatdown by the Misfits. Scott dubs Disco the Hip Hop Inferno.

 

Big dive off the top by Chavo takes out Disco as this match is dragging badly. It’s not that bad but it’s just a bit boring to say the least. Back in the rind and Disco gets a slam and dances a bit. Some old dude in a helmet wanders out to hit on Tygress. Apparently he’s General Rection’s grandfather so Konnan shoves him down. While that’s going on Juvy comes in and beats up Loco but Lash Leroux takes out Disco and puts Chavo on top for the pin.

 

Rating: D. What a freaking mess. You have Chavo who was incredible at this point and Disco who was……well Chavo was incredible at this point so he more than could have carried a five minute match by himself. Instead this was a total wreck with no flow at all to it and barely any wrestling at all. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a running theme tonight?

 

Some very bad actors dressed as cops tell Bischoff and Miller that their surprise for Nash is safe.

 

The Mamalukes say they’ll win. This results in a lot of bad Italian stereotypes. Apparently Vito claims to be the Hardcore Champion even though Johnny the Bull was supposed to be.

 

Order this show and get a Hulk Hogan…..inflatable raft? Dude…..why?

 

Kronik vs. Mamalukes

 

Winners are the #1 contenders. During the intros we’re assured that Goldberg WILL NOT be here tonight. Good to know indeed. The winner gets the Perfect Event. Apparently since the Mamalukes are in the New Blood they can defend the title using the Freebird Rule. Vito gets beaten down by Adams to start and they switch off. Clark hits a Rock Bottom to Johnny and the Italians are getting destroyed so far.

 

Vito comes back in and still has the belt on. I have a feeling that’s going to be a running joke here. Clark gets chopped and smacked in the chest a few times as Tony talks about how the Mamalukes walked into WCW and won the tag titles. Yes, that doesn’t bury the division in the slightest. Adams comes in to hammer on Johnny a bit. Full Nelson Slam kills Johnny for two. DDT gets no cover for Johnny as he brings in Vito instead.

 

Not that it really matters as Kronik hammers him down using the power of marijuana. Their name was Kronik and their finisher was called High Times. What do you think they were talking about? Clark botches what would become known as the F5, more or less dropping him on his head for two. Johnny comes in so Vito sits goes over and polishes the belt. A reverse cross body literally misses by four feet and High Times end Johnny a second later. Vito doesn’t seem to mind.

 

Rating: C-. Just a match really as there was no real need for them to fight other than for the sake of being the #1 contenders. Not bad or anything, but I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for out there. In other words, Russo lives! Let there be no defined faces or heels ever!!!

 

DDP has something special for Mike Awesome apparently.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Page’s surprise is Chris Kanyon in a wheelchair after Awesome threw him off a cage and broke his neck or something. And of course, Kanyon will NEVER turn on DDP EVER! They head to the floor and then the crowd almost immediately. Page gets a shot in to send us back to ringside very quickly as this is a big brawl. They somehow change momentum three times in 10 seconds and make it four in 12.

 

The referee is down also but that’s WCW for you. To the ring now as the referee is getting up a bit. Awesome comes off the top with a back elbow and a belly to back suplex has Page down. Tony thinks it’s odd that there’s no surprise yet, even though Bischoff kept saying it was for NASH, who hadn’t been seen yet. Awesome sets up a table as we talk about Kanyon a bit.

 

Powerbomb through the table as this is a match that was used in a clip on Whose Line Is It Anyway? Page is put on a stretcher because simply throwing him in the ambulance isn’t enough I guess. Awesome gets a chair shot in and we head back to the ring because winning doesn’t matter right? Top rope splash looks to kill Page and the second probably does. A third splash misses as Page is between a pair of chairs this time so he had to move right?

 

Here’s Kimberly because Page is out there. They’re having “problems” which were probably brought on by her heel turn. She hits DDP with a pipe so Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler) comes out and drags her off. They’re “having problems” also apparently. Awesome looks for an Awesome Bomb off the top but Page gets a low blow and a Diamond Cutter off the top. The medical people put him on a stretcher and here comes Bischoff to take out Kanyon. And of course Kanyon comes out of his wheelchair and hits a Diamond Cutter to end Page. Awesome wins with ease.

 

Rating: D. The match was junk, but let’s take a look at the angle that ended the match. Kanyon was indeed thrown off a cage to the ramp. It’s not like we saw that off camera or anything. DDP took care of him and then Kanyon betrays him for the people that tried to cripple him in less than a month? Are we really supposed to buy that Awesome was able to convince Kanyon that Page was the bad guy? Or that Kanyon was in on this all along and that he went along with being thrown around like that? And people wonder why Russo’s booking is so criticized.

 

The announcers point out how stupid this is.

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. G.I. Bro

 

And here’s the latest way to waste a guy like Booker: he’s a military guy when there’s already a military themed stable. He comes in on a zip line like Shawn did at Mania 12, but at about 1/3 of the height and 1/10 of the speed. The announces speculate that Kanyon was the surprise because they’re not that smart. Oh apparently Booker is part of the MIA. It just wasn’t mentioned until here.

 

This is a Boot Camp match, which means Last Man Standing. Why they’re fighting isn’t required information but I’d bet it’s MIA vs. New Blood. They’re both in camo here because that’s what you do in the army right? Booker takes him to the floor and hammers away as we go into the crowd. WEAK chair to the head (drawing slight booing) takes down Stasiak for all of a second. A horrible top rope forearm gets about seven.

 

Oh and don’t worry: we’re willing to cut away to the back at the drop of a hat if Goldberg arrives. You know, because you paid your money to see a car pull into a parking lot 45 minutes into a show right? Jumping back elbow puts Booker down and they actually treat it like a move that could end this. Big spinwheel kick by Booker takes him down for no reaction for the most part.

 

Stasiak sends him to the floor and we head to the ramp for a suplex. Back in the ring as there’s no heat on this match in the slightest. Back to the floor again as they have no idea what to do with nearly 14 minutes total for this match. Chair shot puts Booker down on the floor and back in the ring a gutwrench powerbomb gets 9. Time for a sleeper because this match isn’t boring enough already.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t blame them in the slightest. This is what we mean when we say adding a gimmick for the sake of adding a gimmick. They can’t even explain why these two are fighting and yet we’re supposed to want to see a gimmick match between them an hour into the show in the fifth slot? There’s no heat here and the only reason this gimmick is here is because someone has a military gimmick.

 

Book End hits out of nowhere and I don’t bother waiting to hear what the stupid military name of that is. They call it a uranage suplex here but screw that. Of course it only gets like five but it sets up the missile dropkick, as in both of his finishers that can’t take down Stasiak. Palumbo, Stasiak’s partner, comes out with the Lex-Flexor exercise bar but hits Booker low anyway. A shot to the back of Booker puts him down as Tony rants against relaxed rules in a match with no rules. Booker gets up and mostly hits a double clothesline and beats up the tag champions on his own. A shot to Stasiak with the flexor ends this.

 

Rating: D-. Oh give me a break. Someone thought that Shawn freaking Stasiak was the best use of Booker T here? I mean come on now man. There was zero reason at all for this to be a gimmick match in the slightest so they went with it anyway. Guess what is up next: a gimmick match. After that, another gimmick match. Before this, another gimmick match. This is a great example of Russo’s writing in a nutshell and one of the better ones you’ll ever see. Oh and the match sucked, easily the worst last man standing match I’ve ever seen.

 

Goldberg’s monster truck is here.

 

Page might still be here.

 

Kanyon says he’s positive DDP is gone. Make that Positively Kanyon. This was the start of Kanyon’s newest gimmick: he would imitate Page who had a new book out called Positively Page. This, of course, went nowhere of note. This somehow translates to Bischoff got to Kanyon in the hospital and brainwashed him. I give up.

 

The Wall vs. Shane Douglas

 

Douglas curses a lot before the match and apparently doesn’t like Flair and Hogan. Now this is no longer a tables match as we’re going to make it a best of five tables matches with Shane saying now we’re guaranteed five tables being broken. Thank you for admitting you’re going through at least two Shane. Ok now you have to put someone through five tables to win. PICK A RULE ALREADY!

 

It’s first to five now. Ok, let’s stick with that. Wall has a really stupid looking black goatee now so he looks like a cross between Hitler and Kurrgan. Again no reason given for why they’re fighting or anything because that would be important information right? Standard match to start as we continue to waste more time on this show. Douglas hits a suplex and a reverse Hennig neck snap.

 

Wall is sent onto a table but not through it. No one has gone through anything yet. They fight on the floor in maybe second gear at best. Shane tries a suplex through it but gets countered and Wall hits a chokeslam to go up 1-0. Wall blocks a shot into the post and gets a release belly to back suplex through the table as they change the rules in the middle of the match to make it best of five instead of first to five.

 

Back in the ring as Shane is totally fine after a pair of table breaks with a low blow. Shane wants to take it to the back but settles for by the stage instead. What a shock: there are a bunch of tables there with a ladder next to them. Shane goes up the ladder and there are either two tables on a stage or three in a row with a cloth over the bottom one. Wall has his back to the tables but wants a chokeslam anyway. Shane knocks him through it with brass knuckles as all of a sudden it’s just TWO tables again but they say Shane wins anyway as it switches from 3 to 2 to 3 again inside of five seconds. Just go on already.

 

Rating: F+. We get it: you can have gimmick matches. Was there a point to having this be a table match? Or even to have the match in the first place? NOT IMPORTANT!!! This is yet another stupid gimmick match as Russo treats its fans like idiots that are going to be easily fascinated by things being broken. Whatever dude.

 

Wall puts the referee through a table post match just because.

 

Hogan arrives, 75 minutes into the show in an old school Dodge Charger.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Tank Abbot

 

Scott is US Champion here and this may or may not be for the title. We’ll say it is anyway as it would make sense…..yeah let’s just go with non-title. It’s also in the Steel Asylum. Here’s another brilliant idea of WCW. The Asylum is a small round cage about 10 feet in diameter that is lowered into the ring. No ropes or anything, just a small cage. And now Rick Steiner is added to the match to make it a handicap. Well sure why not.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Rick Steiner/Tank Abbott

 

Scott is a face here if that wasn’t clear. Rick and Tank double team him for awhile and here comes the cage. The fans chant for Goldberg but even he couldn’t save something this stupid. They destroy Scott for a minute or so until Tank pulls out a chain. Rick pulls a Lee Corso (that name won’t mean anything to you if you’re not from America or into college football) and says not so fast my friend. Abbott hits Rick with the chain, Scott gets a low blow, Recliner keeps the title on him. Ok so it was for the title. Good thing they waited until after the match to tell us it was in jeopardy no?

 

Rating: J. As in just….no. It runs less than four minutes, two of which are spent hammering on Scott before the whole cage thing came down. The stuff inside the little ring of death or whatever is maybe 90 seconds long and the whole thing is just stupid. I guess this was so they didn’t need to have Steiner run or whatever. Just move on.

 

Flair is here, looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future goes Hawaiian.

 

We recap Hogan vs. Kidman. Kidman got a fluke win over Hogan so this is the rematch. If Hogan wins, he gets a title shot next month (oh boy. It’s THAT show) and if Kidman wins, Hogan retires. Hogan’s nephew Horace is refereeing and doesn’t like his uncle.

 

Hogan says that he’s not worried here because blood is thicker than New Blood. So old > new. It’s like Hogan’s whole belief system broken down into one sentence. He mentions Goldberg and Nash and says if he gets into that it’ll be the good, the bad and the ugly.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Horace comes out with Kidman. Kidman has some Shawn Michaels like pyro. It’s the NWO theme for Hulk here. Kidman goes straight at him….and is destroyed pretty quickly. There’s the big boot maybe a minute in so Kidman hits the floor. Torrie has turned her back on Kidman. Meaning she WILL NOT be here right? Kidman has had no offense at all so far.

 

Back to the ring and it’s time for choking. Hogan gets in Horace’s face which of course goes nowhere. Kidman comes back with some choking but a low blow with Horace looking right at them is ignored. Here’s the weightlifting belt which is Hogan going EXTREME I guess. Back to the floor and Kidman dropkicks a chair into the face of baldie. That gets two in the ring as this is as riveting as it sounds.

 

Hogan continues to do almost nothing but punch and choke. Oh wait he rammed him into the railing twice. Hudson makes sure to let us know that we’re here because of Hogan and no one else PERIOD. Back to the ring as Kidman hits a DDT onto the chair that is so bad it’s booed before Kidman can even cover. I mean Kidman is off Hogan who then SLOWLY lowers his head down onto the chair. This is horrible.

 

Kidman gets two again and yells at Horace for calling it unfairly or something. The fans chant for Hogan who I think is the face here, making him out to be a huge bully for hammering on a guy half his size. Here comes the Hulk Up against the guy called the Flea Market Champion. There are ten punches in the corner and a running clothesline. Back to the floor for like the 4^th time and Kidman is tossed through the table.

 

Here’s Torrie so at least we have something to look at now. She hands Hulk brass knuckles because he needs them I guess. Kidman knocks Hulk into Torrie and her ankle is hurt. Kidman gets a shot with the knuckles in for two. Horace shoves Kidman and now let’s get stupid as Kidman hits Horace with the knuckles. So if they were still on his hand, why didn’t he hit Hogan with them again instead of choking him? Torrie hits Kidman low and a shot with the knucks to Kidman ends this. Oh and Hulk and Horace are cool again.

 

Rating: D-. Hey look: another stupid match with a way overbooked ending and a gimmick to it. Hogan was never going to job to Kidman twice and now Kidman looks like just as much of a joke as he did before this whole Hogan thing. It’s the difference between a rub and being in the ring with someone. He wouldn’t do anything after this other than feud with Shane Douglas which went nowhere. It’s not a failure because Torrie looked good and that’s about it.

 

Bischoff yells at a cop about life in general.

 

Bash at the Beach is coming, sponsored by Master Lock. Yes, a lock company is the best they can get at this point.

 

We recap David Flair vs. Ric Flair with the idea being that Russo has brainwashed David into thinking that Russo is the father that David never have and it’s a big Ric vs. Russo thing.

 

Russo says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric says this is going to be fun.

 

Ric’s family shows up.

 

Ric Flair vs. David Flair

 

If Ric loses he has to retire FOREVER (which is how it says it on the graphics). With Russo on the floor we actually gets some wrestling here as Ric does most of the work, namely because he has about 100x the talent. David chops away in the corner and actually takes over for a bit. You know Ric is going to sell for his oldest boy. Ric gets sent into the railing and takes a decent delayed vertical suplex for no cover.

 

And so much for David’s decent run as we hit a bad sleeper. Ric suplexes out of it and we have a very basic match going here. David’s shirt comes off as this is going very slowly here. Out to the floor as Ric takes over again. We need to get to the next match so I can use last names again. Russo interferes and takes out the knee of Ric and handcuffs him. So the referee had his back to Ric and Russo and all of a sudden Ric is in handcuffs….AND THAT’S ALL COOL??? And people wonder why this company was called stupid.

 

David puts on the Figure Four which gets him nowhere for the most part. It does get Russo to hold his hands. Does that mean they’re going steady? Reid Flair jumps the railing and hits Russo in the balls and steals the handcuff key. The referee gets the key as David beats up his brother and frees Ric. Ric’s wife or daughter (like you can tell) cuffs Russo and Ric taunts him a bit. Ric beats on David for awhile before putting him out of his misery with the Figure Four.

 

Rating: C. Somehow this was by far and away the best match of the night so far unless I’m forgetting something. It’s not that bad, mainly because they let Ric walk the far more inexperienced David through it. They didn’t try to make this too complicated and that fits because David had very little experience and his character wasn’t much of a wrestler anyway. Not too bad here I guess, all things considered.

 

Ric chops Russo a bit post match. Russo rants about various things, making a match for tomorrow night between Ric/Reid vs. Russo/David in another retirement match which would retire Flair.

 

We recap Vampiro vs. Sting with the idea being that it’s a human torch match. You have to light the other person on fire to win. That’s nothing like the Inferno match at all is it?

 

Vampiro vs. Sting

 

There’s a torch up by the video screen that you have to climb a ladder to get to. This isn’t going to end well is it? Vampiro lights the torch and has a gas can near it. There’s an ambulance and firefighters here for this. Russo must be loving this. Sting pulls the torch up above the screen as I mentioned before. Sting wants to know if Vampiro is afraid of heights because if Vampy wants Sting he has to come up here.

 

Vampiro yells a lot and we stand around a lot. Sting repels down and it’s time for the actual match to start. They fight in the ring as I have a feeling this is going to end badly. Spinwheel kick takes Sting down so Sting comes back even faster with a powerslam and a bunch of clotheslines. Stinger splash misses in the corner so Vampiro pours gasoline on Sting.

 

As always, in a huge arena, the announcers can smell the fuel many feet away. They fight up the ramp and climb up the structure with Sting getting kicked off. The announcers say that’s it so Vampiro keeps climbing. Sting climbs up anyway and there go the lights as we attempt to conceal the obvious switch that is coming up. They “fight” on top of the screen and even with the camera where it is you can barely see anything.

 

And them Vampy grabs the torch and lights Sting on fire. Sting dives off the screen to a crash pad and Vampiro wins. He must have really been burned badly because between falling down up there and the jump he lost about 3 inches of hair and shrunk a good 4 inches. That’s some powerful fire.

 

Rating: N/A. Yeah this wasn’t wrestling. This is one of those matches that is so stupid it defies logic. This is what I recommend doing in this situation: picture the booker/writer pitching this idea to say Jack Brisco, Lou Thesz and Harley Race. If the reaction is either a blank stare, massive amounts of angry cursing or a right cross, IT’S NOT A GOOD FREAKING IDEA!

 

Bischoff is talked to by some blonde chick in the back and doesn’t want to talk right now. There’s no big surprise. What is this, Monster A Go-Go?

 

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash

 

Let’s get this over with. Ernest Miller comes out before the match and introduces the Filthy Animals, as in New Blood cronies (despite them leaving like a week before) to be bell ringer and time keeper and all that jazz. Oh and Miller is referee. Nash shoves him around a lot to start until the Animals distract Nash to let Jarrett taker over. Jeff is champion if I didn’t mention that.

 

Miller is on the floor. Nash hammers on Jarrett and literally everyone stops to look at the entrance and nothing happens. Now back to the match. Weird indeed. Snake Eyes puts Jarrett into the replacement announce table and we go into the crowd. Back to the ring after Nash beats on Jarrett a bit and it’s Jeff with chair shots to the knee. This is one of those matches where stuff goes on but nothing is really happening.

 

Jarrett works on the leg for a good while as we’re clearly filling in time before the whole surprise thing happens. No one buys that the surprise isn’t happen, so I don’t know why we have to waste 15 minutes before we get to it. Half crab to Nash who won’t give up because raising your arm three times in a row is too much effort I guess. There’s the figure four as we waste even more time.

 

The hold goes on for a very long time to the point where most people would have broken their leg already but since it’s Nash he gets to just roll around a bit while barely grimacing. Nash tries to get to his feet but Konnan hits him in the hands with the bell for a two count for Jeff. Nash, despite being in the figure four for two minutes after about five minutes of leg work and a shot to the head with a metal bell from a professional athlete, is able to take over and actually run to the corner to take out Rey.

 

Belt shot gets two as Disco makes the save. Juvy gets in a chair shot to take over as the fans chant for Goldberg. Miller comes in to referee with a two count as this is a total mess. The Animals get beaten down as Nash is fighting seven guys to a stalemate. Jarrett, the world champion, hits his finisher for only two. Well of course it was only two. I mean he’s just the world champion after all.

 

Guitar shot misses and Jarrett walks into a chokeslam for two as Miller has something in his eye. Tony actually shouts BOGUS a few times. Powerbomb to Miller and one to Jarrett but the third referee is taken out by Rick Steiner. Tank Abbott tries to come out but somehow Scott Steiner cuts him off. If Steiner wanted to help, WHERE WAS HE WHEN THERE WERE LIKE EIGHT GUYS ON NASH???

 

Everyone beats on Nash including a Bronco Buster from an unmasked Rey. And cue a big noise as Goldberg is here in his monster truck. Maybe that’s what the sound was earlier? His music kicks on and the place erupts. Goldberg is here….and he joins the New Blood with one of the worst spears you’ll ever see. Yes, the ultra star of the company, the ONE guy they still had that was a big face draw, is added to the super heel group as a Bischoff/Jarrett/Russo lackey. Jarrett gets the academic pin and the SHOCKED celebration ends this mess.

 

Rating: F. You mean, in a Bischoff/Russo booked company, there was a big time face that apparently had been in league with the big heel group the entire time and it was SHOCKING to end a PPV? WHERE DO THEY COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? The match was awful as Nash wouldn’t sell, the insanity of it was stupid, and Jarrett looked like a guy off Tough Enough.

 

Trash pelts the ring to end this show.

 

Overall Rating: F-. I have no idea what they were going for here but it was one of the worst shows I’ve watched in a long time. The gimmicks were WAY too much and none of them worked at all. You had some bad wrestling, horrid gimmicks, a REALLY stupid heel turn to end the show, and Hogan as #1 contender. Let’s talk about that heel turn for a bit actually.

 

In essence what they were going with was Nash, Hogan and Steiner as the top faces against Bischoff, Russo, Jarrett and Goldberg. In other words, the old guys are the faces and the young guys (if Jarrett counts as a young guy) are the heels. There was one issue with this: Goldberg was so ridiculously popular at this point that he was cheered every time he was on camera, which shows one of two things.

 

One, Russo has no idea what a face is. Oh wait, according to him faces and heels mean nothing. Second, WCW is really freaking stupid. That much is a given so let’s go back to the first part. Assuming what he says is true (it isn’t) then why are there factions or matches at all? Oh that’s right again: Russo doesn’t like having wrestling on his shows. Tell me again, why is this guy praised so much?

 

Anyway, AWFUL show here and somehow it would only get worse with the absolute mess they had the next month with Hogan and Russo clashing.

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Monday Nitro #39
Date: June 10, 1996
Location: Wheeling Civic Center, Wheeling, West Virginia
Attendance: 3,500
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Eric Bischoff, Larry Zbyszko

 

It’s the go home show for the Great American Bash and other than that there isn’t much. The PPV was focused on the football players vs. wrestlers match and the world title was on the side. However, last week the invader (Hall) had promised a BIG surprise for tonight which we’ll get to later. With Sting having confronted him, it was pretty clear that this was going to be a huge angle. Let’s get to it.

 

On the theme song and opening video, there are six shots of people total. Three are Hogan.

 

We get a clip of Hall and Sting last week and them almost going at it.

 

Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

 

This would be huge about four years later. Basic anything you can do I can do greater match to start as I think this is face vs. heel but I’m not sure. Both escape belly to back suplexes but Scott gets a double underhook suplex for no cover. Booker manages to get a boot up in the corner kind of like a superkick to put Scott down. Scissors kick gets two.

 

Off to a front facelock and Booker controls. Spinning cross body off the top gets two. Larry Z giving wrestling advice to Booker is really weird for some reason. Scott gets something like a DDT to break the momentum though and here comes Steiner. We speed things up and Scott gets a belly to belly to put Booker down. Frankensteiner is avoided which gets two for Booker. A top rope splash misses and Scott hits another belly to belly to end it.

 

Rating: B-. Not bad at all here with two guys that were still (kind of) young and motivated and could give you a good match at this point. Also nice to see some young guys out there having some time to show off. Booker wouldn’t mean much of anything for like two years though and Steiner would be about 18 months away, so call this a very early preview.

 

Scott is talking about the match when Debra of all people interrupts him. She wants to talk about her husband and Scott leaves. Nice chick indeed. She talks about how this feud with the Horsemen is her fault. Gene says no it isn’t. She wants to call this off before Sunday and Gene says he’ll try to get something set up with Heenan. It’s not like this mattered because she and Mongo joined the Horsemen on Sunday.

 

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Jim Powers

 

This is for the Battlebowl ring. Naturally we talk about the football thing the entire time because that’s all that matters. To be fair this is going to be a squash so it’s not like it’s as bad as usual. This is Powers’ debut and he’s wearing something similar to leopard print. Page hits a gutwrench gutbuster and stands around a lot. Page’s gum is kicked out and Powers gets some jobber offense in. The crowd does not care in the slightest about him. Powerslam gets two. Not that it matters because there’s the Diamond Cutter and we’re done.

 

Rating: D+. Just a long squash here and by long I mean four minutes. Bagwell faced Page for the ring on Sunday in a match I don’t remember in the slightest. Powers was just a jobber that didn’t mean anything as most jobbers tend to be. Nothing to see here as Page was far from meaning much at this point.

 

Recap of Benoit vs. Sullivan which entails Anderson and paranoia. Anderson said everyone would know where everyone stood on Sunday. The match was great too.

 

Video on Konnan who was pretty different back in the day and in a good way.

 

Konnan, the US Champion at this point, says that he’ll keep the title when he fights El Gato on Sunday. He’s such a legend that no one has ever heard of him.

 

Sting vs. Meng

 

This is more or less just a tune up for Sting for his match with Regal on Sunday. Meng be clubberin to start us off but Sting gets a backdrop to break that up. Meng does his monster that you can’t hurt thing as Sting hits the ropes for a bunch of clotheslines. Face jam puts Meng down but he gets a small package of all things for two. Shoulder breaker puts Sting down so Meng goes up. Sting manages to crotch him and put on the Scorpion for the kind of surprising tap. Not enough to grade but it was exactly what you would expect.

 

Heenan takes Flair to the Horsemen dressing room and shuts the door. Screaming is heard and here they come, beating up a guy named Joe Gomez who is supposed to team with Renegade to face them later.

 

Jim Duggan vs. Dave Taylor

 

Taylor is buddies with Regal. Renegade and Gomez have replacements apparently. The fans like Duggan of course. Oh and those replacements: the world tag team champions Luger and Sting and the titles are on the line. The match of course means little but at least it’s got a point. Taylor cost Duggan a match last week so here you are. After some basic stuff it’s more basic stuff in the form of kicking and punching. There’s the taped fist which is hanging from his hand as the referee counts the pin. Freaking blind idiot. Short and more or less nothing.

 

Video on the Cruiserweight Title which is finally in America. Malenko defends against some guy that is debuting on Sunday. Mysterio I think his name is.

 

We recap Tenta vs. Bubba which is something no one really wanted to see other than them but whatever. Hart says Tenta wasn’t pulling his weight. Bubba says he’ll win and that’s that.

 

Here’s Scott Norton to talk for some reason that no one knows. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak. He didn’t like getting chokeslammed last week so he’s coming for revenge tonight.

 

Scott Norton vs. The Giant

 

We get the stupid countdown to the second hour as we wait on Giant’s entrance. Don’t think this is for the title. Norton goes right at him and gets powerslammed for his efforts. Norton comes back and hammers away but we go to the floor and he misses a splash into the post. Chokeslam out there and we’re done. Less than a minute and a half but Norton was impressive here as he took it to Giant. It didn’t work but points for trying at least.

 

Luger comes out post match and Giant massacres him. Luger kicks him low to prevent a chokeslam through the table. A champagne bucket to the head just ticks Giant off and Luger heads to the announce table. He says throw the rules out on Sunday because he’s ready for the big man.

 

Video of the Nasty Boys on some TV show with Dennis Rodman, who is made an official Nasty Boy.

 

Kevin Greene was on the Tonight Show and talked about the match. He picked the name Shallow Grave apparently.

 

Steven Regal vs. Billy Kidman

 

Kidman is a total rookie here. I think this is his WCW debut. Regal kills him for a bit but Kidman gets some stuff in and busts out a 450 (kind of) which misses. Regal puts on the start of a Liontamer but steps on Kidman’s head instead for the tap in less than a minute.

 

Sting comes out for the save post match.

 

Public Enemy vs. Nasty Boys

 

Please….be gentle. Public Enemy runs out during the Nasties’ entrance and the fight is on. There’s the WCW trademark for tag team brawls: split screens where all four guys can be seen on one screen. Knobbs and Grunge are in the ring so we’ll say they’re legal. Middle rope clothesline takes Grunge to the floor as the Nasties are the big faces here. Ok finally into a regular match.

 

Grunge has a broken hand. Sags takes both of them down with a double clothesline and it breaks down into a brawl quickly again. Sags hits a Piledriver as we take a break. Back with Public Enemy in control. Knobbs takes down Grunge but can’t bring Sags back in. There’s Jerry who hits a World’s Strongest Slam on Rocco for two and it breaks down again.

 

Rocco tries to leave as Grunge unbandages his bad hand/arm. Oh ok Rocco left to get a garbage can. Pumphandle slam by Sags looks to set up a middle rope splash from Knobbs but Rocco breaks it up. The trashcan is brought in and the Nasties get caught using it for the DQ. Kind of a stretch given what they had done before that but I can live with it.

 

Rating: D+. Yeah it was bad but it could have been a lot worse. They know how to make brawls decent and they had the right idea here to not make them act like they could work a competent technical match. I wanted to hate this but I really couldn’t do it in good faith. The Public Enemy would actually be tag champions later in the year.

 

Video on Hogan who punches a lot.

 

We recap the coaches being added to the football player match. This is set to a bad country song.

 

Tag Titles: Sting/Lex Luger vs. Ric Flair/Arn Anderson

 

This should be good and there’s a lot of time left. Flair and Luger start us off as the bell rings twice. Luger beats him up and tosses him with ease and does the same to Anderson. Big old gorilla press puts Flair down again. Flair does the Flair Flip in the corner but runs into a right hand from Sting to put him down. Bischoff mentions the concept of Nitro Parties. I never got the appeal of those but they became a big deal.

 

Sting comes in to beat up Anderson for a bit as the champions have dominated the entire time so far. Sting does his double nipup both times he’s pulled down by the hair. Anderson and Flair both get taken down so Flair runs off to grab a chair. The Horsemen chill in the aisle as we take a break.

 

Back with Anderson being pinballed between the champions before Flair comes in to face Sting. Hard to screw this one up. Flair gets a slight advantage and then goes up top. If you don’t know what happens here, go somewhere else. Top rope clothesline gets two for Sting. There’s a superplex for two. Ric goes to the classic thumb to the eye and it’s off to the Enforcer.

 

Spinebuster gets two. Arn does his jump into the air when the other guy is on the mat and Anderson jumps into the legs between his balls for a funny reaction spot. Off to Flair instead who can’t suplex Sting. Sting gets an O’Connor Roll for two and a weird small package for the same. Off to Anderson as we take another break.

 

Back with Flair sending Sting into the guardrail. Back in Sting gets the backslide but Flair makes a blind tag to bring Anderson back in. Sting gets a knee to the nether regions and falls into the tag to Luger. Powerslam gets two on Luger. Luger hits a double clothesline to put both guys on the floor and here’s Giant for the DQ.

 

Rating: B-. Eh it’s Sting/Luger vs. Flair/Anderson for about 18 minutes. This is one of those matches that is going to be good due to just sheer talent in the ring. They know what they’re doing and they’ve fought so many times over the years that they know each other perfectly, which often helps with matches. Flair and Anderson would win at the PPV and the Horsemen would be back.

 

Giant gets beaten up by Sting, Luger and Scott Steiner but just gets mad because of it. Giant says Luger is dead to Gene.

 

Heenan starts to rant about Savage and here’s Hall in black this week. For some reason the screen splits here into two identical images. Bischoff asks where the surprise is and turns around to run into Nash’s chest. He says they’re not here to play (“Look at the adjective: play.  We ain’t here to play.”  Play is a verb, Kev.) and wants WCW’s three guys. Nash blasts the old guys in the company and wants to know where Hogan and Savage are. Bischoff invites them to the Bash and says he’ll try to have their fight there. That would result in Bischoff being powerbombed off the stage.

 

Overall Rating: C+. Well the Bash was a two match show and they built those up quite well. Anything else you get out of it was a bonus and you had a decent main event and a story running through the entire show so this wasn’t too bad really. The Bash wasn’t all that good but considering what happened a month later it’s not like it really mattered. Pretty decent show this week.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: June 10, 2013
Location: Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

It’s the go home show for Payback and the main story tonight is HHH vs. Axel II, assuming the match actually happens. Last week Vince and Stephanie talked him out of it, which made for a less interesting show than it could have been otherwise. I’d look for the match to be pushed back again until Payback, where HHH likely puts Axel over….in theory. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of HHH and the McMahon’s issues from last week. As in we recap the WHOLE THING.

Curtis Axel vs. HHH

Axel is a bit hesitant to get in the ring. The bell sounds odd for some reason tonight. HHH pounds away in the corner to start and hits a quick suplex for two. Here’s Vince of all people to say that the match is over with Axel winning via DQ at about 90 seconds. This can’t end well.

Actually scratch that as HHH says restart it. The match continues for a few seconds and here’s Vince again to say HHH loses via forfeit. HHH starts it again and this time it’s a 60 minute iron man match. This time Vince takes the bell away and the match just ends. This was less than five minutes from opening to closing bell.

Ryback and Cena will be face to face tonight.

Post break Stephanie begs HHH to think of Vince because he’s old and doesn’t have much time left. HHH says he’ll talk to Vince if Stephanie goes to calm him down first.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Dean pounds on him in the corner but gets caught by a big boot to the face for two. Kane takes his turn at pounding away in the corner and hits a backbreaker for no cover. It looks like Kane has a huge bald spot on the right hand side of his head. Ambrose is whipped into the ropes and hit with another backbreaker as the referee brings out the bell. Dean misses a charge and is sent to the floor where he jumps into an uppercut as we take a break.

Back with Dean kicking Kane in the ribs as we see Orton watching in the back on the WWE App. Kane comes back with a boot to the face before tossing Ambrose into the corner. Dean is slammed face first into the mat before being taken into the corner. Kane loads up the chokeslam but Ambrose bails to the floor as Reigns comes in for the DQ at 11:23.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as it was mainly just killing time until the DQ ending. That’s getting really annoying in the singles matches with the Shield involved but it’s the best they can do because they don’t want to job the Shield. Why they didn’t just job Kane is beyond me, especially in a non-title match.

Sheamus vs. Sandow is on the pre-show Sunday.

You can pick Rollins or Reigns to face Bryan tonight.

Rollins wins 66-33. Orton will face Reigns.

We get a clip of Bryan accidentally dropkicking Orton on Smackdown.

Orton and Bryan are arguing in the back when Kane comes in and says to chill. Apparently they have matches against Reigns and Rollins tonight. I know this because Kane helpfully explained the graphics we say a full 40 seconds ago. Vickie comes in and makes Orton/Bryan vs. Reigns/Rollins and Kane vs. Ambrose for the titles on Sunday. Kane is so happy that he hugs Vickie with a goofy grin on his face.

Cody Rhodes vs. The Miz

Barrett is on commentary as we’re told that Fandango won’t be allowed to compete in the triple threat match, meaning Barrett defends against Miz alone. Miz pounds on Rhodes to start and hits the corner clothesline for no cover. The top rope ax handle misses though and Cody goes after Miz’s knee. A front suplex gets two for Rhodes and it’s off to a modified Indian deathlock on Miz. Not that it matters much as Miz counters into the Figure Four for the tap out at 2:36.

Heyman comes out before Miz and Fandango leave and announces that Axel is replacing Fandango in the triple threat. Axel says that him winning the IC Title on Sunday would be the perfect ending to the match on Sunday.

Mark Henry is coming back.

We recap the opening of the show.

Vince and Stephanie are in the back but Vince won’t look at her. She knows he’s upset and is just trying to protect Hunter, but HHH is a proud man and Vince stepped all over him out there. Vince doesn’t like this idea of him not having much time left and is mad at HHH for making Stephanie cry. He cares about business first and Stephanie agrees, but business has to come first. If Vince tries to talk to him, Stephanie will be even more upset.

Here’s Jericho for the hard sell before his match with Punk on Sunday. He talks about how the two of them came into the business with a huge chip on their shoulders and they both think they’re the best in the world. They’ll continue their awesome trilogy that was started last year and Punk will never (EVER!) forget him.

This brings out Ziggler who says that he’s making his triumphant return here to steal the show from Jericho. Dolph talks about stealing the show every night and that on Sunday he’ll prove that he’s better than Del Rio in every way. Jericho cuts him off and asks Ziggler if he wants a tuneup match tonight. Ziggler says sure…..but with Jericho facing Langston. The match is after the break.

Chris Jericho vs. Big E. Langston

This is joined in progress with both guys on the floor before Jericho heads inside for a quick baseball slide to take Langston down. Big E. whips Jericho into the steps to take over and heads in for some shoulders tot he ribs. Alberto Del Rio is ranting about something on the WWE App as Langston charges shoulder first into the post, giving Jericho a two count. Langston runs him over for the same result and pounds away for good measure.

Jericho fires back with an enzguri for two but his cross body is caught in a trio of backbreakers for two. Chris comes right back with a top rope cross body for two of his own but a Ziggler distraction lets Langston run him over with ease. A Del Rio distraction breaks up the Big Ending though and it’s a Codebreaker for the pin at 6:30.

Rating: C. Jericho is fine for a spot like this, but the Del Rio vs. Ziggler feud has lost so much steam over the last few weeks due to Ziggler’s injury. There’s no shame for Langston to lose to someone like Jericho, but it’s a bad spot for him to be in when he could be such a huge deal with the lightest tweaking. Good enough match here but it was nothing great.

Jericho celebrates as Ziggler tells Del Rio no way.

Sin Cara vs. Antonio Cesaro

Zeb Colter is at ringside, claiming that Cara snuck across our borders in the middle of the night but Cesaro is ok because he came into the country legally. So why was Colter not ok with Barrett months back? Sin Cara hooks a quick wristlock before getting slammed out of the corner for no cover. The gutwrench suplex sets up a powerslam for two before Cesaro pounds away on Cara’s face.

A double stomp gets two and it’s off to a chinlock. Back up and Cara hooks his spinning headscissors and a sunset bomb for two. Cole rants about Colter making money in the foreign country of Puerto Rico as Cesaro catches a cross body in a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. A spinning chinlock (you read that right) sets up the Neutralizer for the pin on Sin Cara at 3:52.

Rating: C. I could live with Cesaro as Colter’s new guy, although it doesn’t fit with past continuity. If nothing else it would give Cesaro ANYTHING else to do instead of the vacuum he’s stuck in now. Sin Cara is long past being a bust and it’s kind of sad to see him lose time after time like this anymore.

Bray Wyatt and the Family are still coming.

Vickie and Brad Maddox plug the new Hardee’s burger until Vince comes in to glare at them. Vince is ticked off about Ryback and Cena going face to face tonight because it could put the PPV main event in jeopardy. Vickie’s answer is to cancel the match tonight (they have a match?) but Brad suggests to have the lumberjacks out there as security. Vince is pleased and tells Vickie to share her burger with Brad.

Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns

Before the match here’s Daniel Bryan to be in Orton’s corner. Orton pounds away on Reigns to start and gets two off a dropkick. We get an abbreviated Orton Stomp and a knee drop to the chest for two but Randy goes after Rollins on the floor. Seth’s distraction does nothing for Roman as Orton drops him back first onto the barricade for two back inside. Orton misses another kneedrop and Roman takes over to stomp away in the corner.

Orton comes right back with the Thesz Press and some right hands in the corner to take over. Randy goes to the middle rope on the inside but a Superman punch knocks him to the floor and us to a break. Back with Roman holding a chinlock as Bryan plays cheerleader on the floor. Randy fights up but gets taken down by a running clothesline for two more. Kane is watching in the back on the WWE App! LIVE! Off to another chinlock by Reigns but Orton suplexes out of it to put both guys down.

Randy is starting to feel it and hits a bunch of clotheslines followed by the backbreaker to counter a Samoan Drop. Reigns rolls to the apron like an idiot, earning himself that Elevated DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Orton has to put Rollins in position for the Elevated DDT. Reigns makes the save but Bryan hits the suicide dive on both Shield members for the DQ at 12:30. Make that a no contest because WWE is afraid to call a DQ for some reason.

Rating: C+. Again, as we not allowed to have Shield get a finish in a one on one match? I understand the idea of not wanting to have either guy lose going into the PPV on Sunday, but maybe they shouldn’t be having the match six days before the PPV. The match was pretty good for the most part, other than one too many rest holds by Reigns.

The next match begins immediately.

Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins

Bryan avoids a charge in the corner and fires off the kicks followed by a knee to the ribs. Daniel alternates between knees, elbows and kicks with the YES chants getting louder and louder every time. Rapid fire elbows to the chest get two and hooks the double knee stop out of the surfboard. Rollins runs to the floor, only to be taken out by a slingshot dropkick through the ropes. Bryan hits the running knee off the apron for two back inside as Rollins is in big trouble early on.

Seth avoids a right hand and hooks the Downward Spiral into the middle turnbuckle for two. In a nice move, Rollins uses Bryan’s own surfboard against him but Daniel quickly escapes and fires off kicks to Seth’s leg. There’s a surfboard on Rollins but Bryan pulls his head down into a Dragon Sleeper for extra pressure. Seth elbows out and we take a break to come back with Seth holding a chinlock. A forearm to the face gets two for Seth as Cole lists off a bunch of channels the show is airing on that no one but WWE cares about.

Back to the chinlock by Rollins as JBL talks about how awesome this show is. Bryan fights up and ducks an enziguri into a half crab but Seth is quickly into the ropes. Bryan fires off some kicks in the corner followed by a pair of running dropkicks for two. Back up again and Rollins hits the enziguri for two before firing off Bryan’s own kicks against him. Daniel’s hurricanrana is countered into a buckle bomb for two as the fans are all behind Bryan.

Seth kicks away in the corner but is backdropped out to the floor. The FLYING GOAT is blocked by a forearm but Bryan hooks Douglas Williams’ Rolling Chaos Theory suplex for two. Bryan gets crotched on the top rope but escapes a superplex into a belly to back superplex which is countered into a midair cross body for no cover. Orton takes out Reigns before he can interfere, allowing Bryan to roll up Rollins for the pin at 15:30.

Rating: B+. That’s more like it! I get that you can’t have great matches all the time, but at the same time you need to have some high quality matches like this every now and then. Bryan is just MAD over right now and if they tweak his character in anything more than a minor way they’re insane. He’s ready for a main event push RIGHT NOW but I’m afraid they’ll be worried about the sagging ratings and ignore how over he is because he’s not “a draw”.

Post match Orton hits an RKO on Rollins and the fans go INSANE with YES chants and the Bryan pointing.

In case you missed it the first two times, here’s another recap of the HHH/Stephanie/Vince stuff. Oh and Curtis Axel is in there too.

WWE does stuff with the Special Olympics.

It’s time for Kaitlyn’s secret admirer to be revealed and it’s…..Big E. Langston. He hands Kaitlyn some flowers and says that this is odd because he’s such a big guy who constantly beats people up. However since he first saw Kaitlyn, she’s all he can think about. Kaitlyn looks very nervous as Langston leans in to kiss her, only to drop her on the mat instead.

Cue AJ because it was a SWERVE! She yells at Kaitlyn about feeling worthless because Kaitlyn was never there when AJ was having her heart broken. Instead of being there, Kaitlyn was off chasing the Divas Title. AJ can beat her mentally because Kaitlyn is trash and no one cares about her. The only thing Kaitlyn has of value is the title and that’s gone on Sunday. AJ says that Kaitlyn can go back to her trailer park after the match on Sunday but the brawl is on now with Kaitlyn being left glaring at the crazy chick.

Bray Wyatt quotes the Bible (what happens to a man who gains the world but loses his soul?) and says they’re coming.

Damien Sandow vs. R-Truth

This match has two purposes: hyping up Sandow as having a chance on Sunday and letting Jerry Lawler drool over a burger and shake from Sonic. Sandow quickly takes it to the floor and rams Truth back first into the apron before pounding away on the ribs. Back in and Damien stomps Truth down before hooking a chinlock. The Wind-Up Elbow gets two and the Silencer is good for the pin at 3:21.

Rating: D. Sandow has no chance on Sunday. There’s nothing else to talk about here at all.

Post match here’s Sheamus to congratulate Sandow on his win and say that he’ll kick Sandow’s head off at the Payback kickoff.

Stephanie is in the back and sends a messenger to find Vince for a meeting in their office. She sends another to find HHH for a meeting in their office.

Video on Ryback’s path of destruction towards Cena for the Three Stages of Hell match on Sunday.

Vickie and Maddox bring out the lumberjacks (the entire roster) to protect Cena and Ryback from fighting. We take a break at 10:55 with this and the McMahons to go.

Back from break with Vince and HHH arguing in the back with Stephanie in between them. She SCREECHES at them to stop and work it out because she’s tired of it. Vince won’t apologize because he wants HHH to be more than a legend or a big deal or a champion. He wants HHH to be THE MAN. HHH wants a match with Curtis Axel and Vince likes the idea but they get in an argument over who wants to see the match. Then Stephanie comes back in and asks for a group hug. Vince says he’ll hug Stephanie and HHH can hug them both. The guys slap each others’ backs hard and that’s it. Seriously, we spent all night setting up THAT.

It’s 11:03 and here’s the world champion for the first time tonight. Ryback stands in the aisle but Cena is ticked off that this isn’t really face to face. They argue about the same things they’ve fought about for weeks: Ryback should have been champion but it’s Cena’s fault, Cena says that Ryback should take account of his own failures because THE CHAMP IS HERE. Ryback says he can see Cena and the legend ends when Ryback wins the title on Sunday in three stages. Cena wants to fight now but the lumberjacks hold him back. They get in the ring and the brawl is on, but both guys are held back to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Here’s the problem with Raw in a nutshell: it’s a solid two hour show but the extra sixty minutes of filler drags it down. If that sounds familiar, it’s because it’s been the problem for nearly a year since the show went to three hours. There are some solid stories and interesting action on here, but the constant recaps of stuff we saw 45 minutes ago and the incessant commercials for WWE App make this a chore to sit through at three hours. I’m sure the solution is more Vince, Stephanie and HHH though, because there’s no way they’re taking it back to two hours.

Results

HHH vs. Curtis Axel went to a no contest

Kane b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Miz b. Cody Rhodes – Figure Four

Chris Jericho b. Big E. Langston – Codebreaker

Antonio Cesaro b. Sin Cara – Neutralizer

Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns went to a no contest when Seth Rollins and Daniel Bryan interfered

Daniel Bryan b. Seth Rollins – Small Package

Damien Sandow b. R-Truth – Silencer

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: January 27, 1997
Location: Montagne Center, Beaumont, Texas
Attendance: 4,834
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

We’re only a few weeks away from Final Four and the main event was set last week. Oddly enough Shawn wasn’t on the show after he won the world title at the Rumble. My guess is tonight is his big moment after last week’s Bret centered show. I get the idea of pushing the main event of the PPV, but at the same time shouldn’t the focus be on the champion instead of his challenger? Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Bret whining and the announcement of the fourway match at Final Four for the title shot at Wrestlemania.

Ahmed Johnson vs. Crush

During Ahmed’s entrance we get a video of Savio turning on Ahmed in a tag match but not joining the Nation. Ahmed goes after the Nation lackeys (Faarooq and Savio are nowhere to be seen) to start but gets jumped by Crush as the bell rings. Johnson comes back with a quick slam and an ax kick for no cover. Crush gets kicked in the back and has his head smashed into the mat by Ahmed’s boot. A corner splash and a kick to the chest put Crush down and Ahmed stands around again.

Crush rolls away from an elbow drop before putting Ahmed down with a belly to belly. He stays on Ahmed’s back due to Johnson’s lacerated kidney as Faarooq comes out to watch from the entrance. We take a break and come back with Ahmed dropping Crush down onto the mat to break what looked like a chinlock. Crush gets two off a backbreaker but jumps off the middle rope into a dropkick to give Johnson a breather. They head to the floor for a second and Faarooq runs out for a cheap shot by whipping Johnson into the steps. Back in and Crush’s heart punch (exactly what it sounds like) gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was pretty slow but it continues the story of Faarooq vs. the Nation which had gone on for months by this point. The idea was that Johnson couldn’t handle the Nation on his own but having him lose all the time didn’t do him much good. Crush was fine for a power lackey though and it fit him much better given his real life prison sentence around this time.

Ad for Thursday Raw Thursday. We’ll get to that one soon.

Here’s Shawn for his first interview after regaining the title. Vince talks about Shawn vs. Sid III on Thursday Raw Thursday and about the Boyhood Dream. Shawn says it isn’t a dream but a reality and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep the title against Sid. Vince asks him about the fourway and which person he’d like to face, but Shawn of course doesn’t answer.

Shawn talks about how all of the potential challengers have a bad side and right now it’s bringing out the worst in everyone. Vince says it brings out competition so here’s Bret Hart with something to say. Bret says that he wants Shawn to do whatever he has to do to come out of Thursday Raw Thursday (who named it that anyway? It sounds so strange) as champion because Bret wants to beat him at Wrestlemania. He wants it so bad that he’ll watch Shawn’s back against Sid.

Vince now brings out Undertaker who says that Bret has earned his respect after their wars, but Taker is tired of hearing about Bret getting screwed. If anyone has been screwed over the years, it’s Taker himself and it’s time for the title to come to the dark side. That means Taker vs. Shawn at Wrestlemania, so Shawn better give his soul to the Lord because his body belongs to Taker.

Now it’s Austin’s turn to say he’ll fight Shawn at Wrestlemania. Instead of going to the ring though, Austin has JR come down the aisle with him carrying a microphone. Austin says he’s tough but he knows an ambush when he sees it coming. He’s thrown them over the top rope before and he’d have done the same thing to Shawn if he had the chance. Austin starts walking to the ring but turns around, only to run into Vader. Trash is talked but nothing physical happens.

British Bulldog vs. Doug Furnas

Bulldog grabs a quick headlock but gets dropkicked out to the floor for his troubles. Back in and Furnas hits a charge in the corner and a suplex for two each. Bulldog throws Furnas out to the floor and then into the steps before dropping said steps on Furnas’ back. Why this isn’t a DQ is anyone’s guess but we take a break before we can get an answer. Back with Ahmed trying to break into the Nation’s locker room. Bulldog has Furnas in a chinlock before pounding on the back.

Bulldog easily shrugs off a comeback big as this match just keeps going. Furnas blocks a piledriver attempt with a backdrop but is almost immediately caught in a suplex for two more. Back to the chinlockery as Owen yells about how bad of a Canadian Furnas is. Furnas dropkicks Bulldog down and gets two of his own off a powerslam.

Bulldog counters what appears to be a rana attempt into a powerbomb for no cover as Owen and his Slammy get up on the apron. We get some heel miscommunication with Bulldog going into the trophy but Furnas only gets two. Not that it matters as Bulldog counters a sunset flip into a rollup for the pin a few seconds later.

Rating: D. So let me get this straight: we’re supposed to buy Furnas and LaFon as contenders to the tag titles after they lose a non-title match and Furnas can’t beat Bulldog even after Owen blasts Bulldog in the head with the Slammy? It’s pretty clear why the tag division was in such a shambles at this point.

Post match Owen and Bulldog get in an argument over the mistake with Bulldog throwing down the Slammy and his tag title belt. Scratch that as they shake hands a few moments later.

We go back to MSG to see more of Savio turning on Ahmed.

We also get a clip from Shotgun Saturday Night with Savio saying he hasn’t joined the Nation. He then had a match with Rocky Maivia and revealed that he had joined the Nation. Well that’s certainly a swerve, a full seven minutes in the making.

For just $1.49 a minute, you can find out Sid’s secret weapon for the world title match.

Video of the press conference to announce Tiger Ali Singh has signed with the WWF. If you don’t remember that name, keep it that way.

Vader/Mankind vs. Godwinns

Mankind and Phineas start things off as we hear about Royal Rumble Raw next week, which will be the Rumble airing on Raw. It’s quickly off to Henry who wins a slugout with Mankind. Mankind is knocked into the corner but would rather rock back and forth than tag Vader. After a quick skirmish on the floor it’s time for Vader vs. Phineas. Vader easily knocks him into the corner and goes NUTS, pounding Phineas down into the corner.

Mankind comes back in for the Mandible Claw but Henry clotheslines them both out to the floor to break it up. Henry is pulled over the top and out to the floor to start a big brawl as we take a break. Back with Phineas missing a charge at Mankind before a double tag brings in Henry to pound on Vader. Henry actually slams Vader down but gets punched in the face a few seconds later. They head to the floor with Mankind swinging a chair and hitting Vader by mistake, earning the Godwinns a countout win.

Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse and Henry looked great in the brawls with Vader. The Godwinns were one of the few regular tag teams around at this point but their time was already over. It looks like we’re heading towards Vader vs. Mankind which is odd given that Vader is already in the world title scene at this time.

Ahmed finds the Nation and swings at their car as they speed away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main event stuff was pretty good here but all the other stuff dragged the show down. The tag stuff was nothing interesting and the Ahmed vs. Faarooq stuff isn’t enough to carry a show. It was nice to have the champion on the show and thankfully his segment was really strong. Unfortunately the rest wasn’t and the show was pretty dull as a result.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: June 9, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the go home show for Slammiversary and we have most of the card set up already. With Foley now fired and apparently legit gone from the company, it appears that Immortal is back in control again. Also we’re likely to get the final push to Sting vs. Anderson which will see Sting/Young vs. Anderson/Gunner. Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week of Foley being fired and Immortal having full power again. Hogan is looking extra orange here.

Hogan and Bischoff open the show. Hulk says that the Network finally woke up and got rid of the selfish Foley. Eric says that Foley did have a few good ideas such as the name of the show and that wrestling matters. Eric assures us that the X Division is going to be presented in a fair and balanced manner. First up though he wants the contenders in the world title match to come down here right now.

Here are Anderson and Sting. Hogan talks about how awesome this company is now. They’re not going to go through this with the Network again. Hogan gave his word apparently and he meant it. At Slammiversary there will be a winner and a loser with no gimmicks or agendas. Also there will be no run-ins. If either guy has a problem with that speak now.

Anderson raises his hand and says that he’s been making fun of Sting for weeks because everything Sting stands for is a joke. Anderson is in this for Anderson and on Sunday, he’s getting the title back. Sting says he’s got a lot he’s going to do about that. There are a lot of things he wants to do around here and he’s going to do them because he’s champion. One of two things has to happen: Hogan and Bischoff have to leave or the real Hogan has to come back. He gets in Eric’s face and calls him an infection, blaming him for Hogan being the way he is. Hogan needs to cut away the cancer, and he’s certainly capable of it.

Knockouts are up next.

Mickie James/Tara vs. Winter/Angelina Love

 

Can we just get to the lesbian stuff already? Tara has the motorcycle back. Tara and Winter start us off. Angelina doesn’t seem interested in tagging in so Mickie and Tara work on the arm. I guess Mickie is all cool about the whole Tara running her over a few months back thing. Off to Angelina who wants Mickie. Tara instead hits a spinning side slam and it’s off to Mickie. They hit a wheelbarrow splash for one as Angelina does her zombie thing again.

With Tara accidentally distracting the referee, Winter is able to get a powerbomb in the corner on Mickie for two. The zombie chicks take over on Mickie now as she plays Ricky Morton for a bit. Mickie hammers back and that gets her nowhere. Blind tag brings in Angelina but Mickie hits a dropkick to take her down. Everything breaks down and Madison comes down to distract Tara, allowing Angelina to hit her backbreaker on Mickie for the pin at 4:45.

Rating: C. Not bad here but really just a standard tag match. It sets up the Mickie vs. Angelina match on Sunday which is fine. Nothing too bad but Madison might have been a bit too much out there. Angelina’s chest looked great though so that balances out the questionable ending.

Beer Money and Shelley are ready for their match tonight and on Sunday.

Mexican America says they’re tired of getting less every time.

We get a video of Samoa Joe and Crimson fighting in a bar which is filmed via phone apparently. Joe beats the tar out of him.

Jeff Jarrett gets here and doesn’t want to talk about Karen so he walks off.

The Brits are on commentary here. Well at least Magnus is as Williams stands behind the desk.

Mexican America vs. Alex Shelley/James Storm

 

Anarquia and Shelley start us off. The champions I guess do some of the Guns’ offense which Storm modifies for his own style. I like that as it plays up the best of both world dynamics. Shelley gets caught coming off the top and Hernandez hits his slingshot shoulder to take Shelley down. We keep cutting to Magnus talking so it’s hard to see everything that’s going on.

Shelley tries to fight back but gets caught by the power of Hernandez. Slam sets up a missed splash off the top by Supermex and there’s the tag to Storm and one to Anarquia also. Everything breaks down and Hernandez is knocked to the floor. Storm has Anarquia covered but the girls distract the referee. Sarita gets beer to the face and Shelley kicks Storm in the face, allowing Anarquia to get the pin on Storm at 4:30.

Rating: C. Pretty decent tag match here as we can see the problems that the guys unfamiliar with being partners. I liked how Shelley and Storm worked together out there but I’m not sure I get the point in having them lose. Have miscommunication and let them win still to make it look like they’re having issues but can still win on Sunday. Either way not bad here.

Gunner comes in to see Anderson and Anderson asks for help against Sting, implying he’ll repay the favor later. They’re cool apparently.

Mexican America comes in to see Hogan and wants a title shot. Hogan gets all ticked off and says quit telling me what to do or he’ll turn into the Terminator and play a game of Hulkster Says with the ladies. Mexican America is going to do something when Hogan least expects it. Ok then.

Preview of Angle/Jarrett with the main focus being on Angle. He says he’s not worried about this Sunday and says that he can beat Jarrett this time because there will be no Karen to distract him.

We open the second hour with more talking of course, this time in the form of Jarrett and Angle. Jeff says Kurt is going to listen tonight rather than it being them going back and forth. Karen is gone apparently and won’t be at the PPV. Jeff has had to think about that for seven days now and the first thing he did was panic. He panicked over what Kurt will do to him when it’s one on one. Jeff reminds everyone that he brought Kurt in and Kurt is the best in history.

However, Kurt never thanked Jeff for bringing him in. Kurt wasn’t happy about being the best in the company and the real star. It was always about making people forget about Jeff. Then Jarrett wanted to take everything dear to Kurt, so he took his wife and kids. Now he wants to take away Kurt’s place on top and he won’t sleep until he owns it.

Kurt finally gets to talk and thanks Jeff for taking Karen out of his life for good. All he’s ever wanted was Jeff one on one but Jeff had to keep bringing Karen into it. Kurt isn’t wasting any more words on him because on Sunday, his wrestling will do the talking. Then Jeff will see how real this really is.

ODB doesn’t like how Velvet presents herself and ODB will how Velvet what wrestling is tonight.

Kaz and Kendrick have Janice and are looking for Abyss. Kendrick says Abyss is his type of guy. They say they’re going to go find him.

Bully Ray is here for an open challenge. On Sunday he’ll be the last man standing because he’s a man. I wonder if he’s 40. The challenge is for everyone other than D-Von. Here’s a surprising person to take it.

Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray

 

RVD does his poses and gets powerbombed out of the corner for two. All Ray so far as he uses his basic brawling stuff. RVD finally gets in a kick to send Ray into the corner. Monkey flip doesn’t work and Ray hammers away again. AJ is chilling in the stands watching this. Ray hasn’t seen him yet but he does now. The distraction lets RVD recover long enough to counter the Piledriver. Springboard kick sets up the Five Star and we’re done at 3:30.

Rating: C. This is barely gradeable as the majority was Ray hammering on RVD and then the AJ distraction. RVD had a total of about four moves in this. Remember a few weeks ago when he and Angle had one of the “biggest matches in Impact history”? And now he has a three and a half minute match with Bully Ray that he needs AJ to help him get through. Things change so fast in wrestling it’s unreal.

We get a clip from English TV of Angle trying to get back on the Olympic team.

Kendrick and Kaz are still looking for Abyss and they actually find him reading The Art of War again. Abyss talks about how he doesn’t need Janice anymore and calls the X Title the Extreme Title. There can be a three way at the PPV. Kendrick gets into a big philosophical rant and Kaz just leaves.

We run down the card for Slammiversary.

ODB vs. Velvet Sky

 

ODB isn’t under contract apparently so she comes out next to the broadcast table. Sky jumps her before the bell and the brawl begins. Velvet is sent into the steps and hurts her knee as we finally head into the ring and start the actual match. ODB covers immediately but only gets two. This is a sloppy brawl and barely even a match at all.

Velvet can’t get going due to the knee injury but has a chance to breathe due to ODB yelling at the referee. She argues even more and Velvet can’t do anything. The announcers make stupid jokes and we get more arguing with the referee. Velvet finally wakes up and stomps away in the corner. Out to the floor again and Velvet gets her back rammed into the post. Fall away slam sets up more yelling and Velvet grabs a DDT for the surprise pin at 5:12.

Rating: D. Didn’t like this at all as it was about five minutes of stomping, choking and yelling. I guess that’s the end of this feud and if so that’s not saying very much. Pretty weak match here and the only real perk was Velvet looking good. Any match where I have to watch ODB slap her vagina is a bad one.

Eric Young is all stupid again and talks about unifying the titles and Who’s The Boss before Sting yells at him again. He wants him to drop the comedy for one night and let the competitor come out.

We get a clip from Xplosion where D-Von and Pope have been having issues. Pope came out to save D-Von from Mexican America. D-Von doesn’t like Pope being around his kids and wife.

And now let’s have our main event.

Gunner/Mr. Anderson vs. Sting/Eric Young

 

Big match intros kill some time. The slow bell for this makes me chuckle for some reason. Sting vs. Anderson to start but we get the traditional fast tag from Anderson to bring in Gunner. Sting gets the splash in the corner very quickly and adds a second one, both of them to the back. Apparently the second was because a spot was messed up as after the first Sting intentionally turned his back to Anderson. He did it again the second time in the same spot and Anderson drilled him.

Anderson works over Sting in the corner now and it’s off to Gunner again. He works on the ribs with an abdominal stretch and here’s Anderson again. Sting gets a clothesline and it’s off to Eric who cleans a few rooms, adding a big top rope elbow to Gunner. He fakes blowing mist at Anderson but celebrates too much and is rammed into Sting. That counts as a tag somehow and Gunner hits the F5 on Sting for the pin at 6:00. Oh and Young celebrates on the floor.

Rating: D+. What in the world was that? Who in the world thought it was a good idea for Gunner of all people to get a pin on Sting to end the show? I don’t get this at all and the main event is the longest match of the show at 6:00. Not a fan of that at all and I don’t get what they’re going for here in the slightest.

Back and Young doesn’t get that they lost. Sting is mad.

AJ says the plan is coming together. Ray pops up and says he didn’t back away. Agents break it up.

Sting gets something out of his bag and Anderson talks about how he didn’t break a sweat. Sting comes up and Anderson runs. They go into a trailer and Sting beats him down then puts paint all over Anderson’s face. This is Sting snapping I guess. He chokes Anderson out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a bad show tonight but it was rather paint by numbers. Nothing really happened here but it was a go home show for the PPV and they covered the big matches for it pretty well. That being said it was another match where everything kind of dragged which is never a good thing. Definitely not a bad show but really just kind of there at the end of the day. That main event brought it down though.

 

Results

Angelina Love/Winter b. Mickie James/Tara – Backbreaker to James

Mexican America b. Alex Shelley/James Storm – Anarquia pinned Storm after a superkick from Shelley

Rob Van Dam b. Bully Ray – Five Star Frog Splash

Velvet Sky b. ODB – DDT

Gunner/Mr. Anderson b. Sting/Eric Young – F5 to Sting

 

Here’s Slammiversary if you’re interested:

 

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/06/12/slammiversary-2011-some-very-questionable-stuff-but-tnas-best-ppv-of-the-year/

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of Starrcade from Amazon for just $4 at: