I kid you not, this is real.– It was announced today, via press release, that WWE & Warner Bros are teaming up for a new Flintstones film that will be released in 2015. The film, which is expected to be straight to DVD, is described as follows…

Fred, Barney and the whole Bedrock gang join up with Vince McMagma (Vince McMahon), and WWE Superstars and Divas including John Cenastone (John Cena®) and CM Punkrock (CM Punk®) as part of the very first WWE main event.

Michael Luisi, President, WWE Studios had the following to say about the project….

“WWE is family-friendly entertainment, so partnering with Warner Bros. on a Flintstones/WWE project was a natural extension of our Scooby Doo deal. This new, animated feature allows us to showcase our brand with young fans and loyal Flintstones enthusiasts alike.”

 

As a lifelong fan of both WWE and the Flintstones, my mind is currently blown.  This should be awesome.

Monday Nitro #37
Date: May 27, 1996
Location: Macon Coliseum, Macon, Georgia
Attendance: 4,309
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Eric Bischoff

 

We’re FINALLY here as we reach probably the most important TV show in wrestling history. First and foremost, tonight Scott Hall is going to debut by jumping the guardrail, more or less shattering the idea that things are predictable on wrestling. That’s the huge deal so I’ll go into detail on how awesome and shocking it was later. Also this is the first two hour Nitro and there’s a new announce team. Let’s get to it.

 

Theme song opens us up.

 

Tony and Larry are the first hour commentators while Heenan and Bischoff will come in later. NO MORE MONGO!!!!! This is a great show so far!

 

American Males vs. Arn Anderson/Ric Flair

 

Gee I wonder what’s going to happen. Larry calls the Males the young and the useless. That might be the only funny line he has all year so enjoy it while it lasts. Liz looks awesome in blue. Flair vs. Riggs to get us started here. Larry seems like the heel commentator here which wouldn’t last that long. The Horsemen get him on the floor and work him over like the Horsemen are known to do.

 

Yep Larry certainly is because he complains about how the football players that the Horsemen are facing at the next PPV are losers. Everything breaks down and the Males actually clean the ring for a bit. Flair runs over to his VIP table and grabs come champagne for a shot. Well that’s a new one. Things calm down again and it’s Arn vs. Bagwell at the moment.

 

Arn accidentally clotheslines the pole and we take a break. Back with Bagwell fighting out of the corner but he doesn’t tag. And never mind as he brings in Riggs for awhile as Flair chills in the corner. Tony and Larry have been given champagne by Flair. Shame Heenan isn’t there for this one. Flair works on the knee of Riggs as does Arn. Riggs manages to get an enziguri to send Anderson to the floor but as he goes for the tag, Flair and the referee get into a shoving match. Oh never mind as Bagwell gets the tag anyway.

 

Missile dropkick takes down Flair for two and they do the small package bit where the partners keep rolling them over. I love that as the guys don’t kick out for like twenty seconds and just lay there. Fisherman’s suplex hits Flair but Anderson makes the save. Woman saves another pin attempt and Anderson kills Bagwell with a DDT and Flair gets the pin. Quick ending.

 

Rating: C. This was kind of sloppy but for the most part it was fine. No one expected the Males to win here and that’s fine. They weren’t supposed to win anything here and they had a decent match out of it instead. This is what veterans are supposed to do: give the young guys experience and help bring them up slowly. For some reason that rarely happens in most companies and the young guys are seen as weaker when they come up. Either way, just an average match here but it was fine.

 

Anderson isn’t afraid of football players. Flair says his women are attractive and he’ll get Debra. Liz is the Sugar Mama using Savage’s money apparently.

 

Kevin Greene and Mongo are training for their match. This is a waste of time.

 

Steve Doll vs. The Mauler

 

And here it is. Why would this be on TV you ask? The same reason a guy named Steve Gatorwolf was on SNME once: to allow something else to happen. Mauler is Mike Enos and has Colonel Parker with him. Doll means nothing. Crowd is DEAD and the Mauler squashes him for awhile. They both go to the floor and Doll goes into the post. We take a break and come back and you can see him in the crowd.

 

Scott Hall comes over the railing and wants a mic. He says the famous line of you know who I am but you don’t know why I’m here. He calls out some of the big WCW names and has a challenge for Bischoff, Turner, Savage and anyone else that is here in WCW. “You want a war? You gonna get one.” The match of course just ends.

 

Ok so as you likely know, this completely changed wrestling forever for a lot of reasons.

 

1. No one, I mean NO ONE, saw this coming. Hall had literally wrestled less than two weeks prior on a WWF show. Today the 90 day no compete clauses exist because of this moment. If three months had gone by, first of all people would have noticed Hall was missing and there would be a good chance the word could have gotten out that he had signed with WCW. It made things seem like anything could happen on Nitro at the drop of a hat and that made you want to see the show. This was dabbled in with Luger on the debut episode but this blows Luger away.

 

2. Hall’s line about a war made people think that WWF was in on this which was unthinkable. People had jumped before but when they arrived there was fanfare to it and all that jazz. Hall came in through the crowd (by the way if I remember correctly he wouldn’t be named until Bash at the Beach) in street clothes, making it look totally unplanned. The idea of breaking the walls of kayfabe was also unthinkable coming up to this point, which shook everything up.

 

3. This would be the main story for the next three years minimum with all kinds of twists and turns in there. Everything was about Hall and eventually Nash and Hogan, but at this time everything was blown away by what the potential of this could be and it definitely had huge potential to be one of the biggest storylines of all time and it definitely was. It also set up the WWF because they had to respond to it. Granted they didn’t do that for almost 18 months but the idea was there.

 

4. I can’t emphasize this enough but this changed everything. The model before this had been to just go out there and do your thing week in and week out with the same structure every time. This made it look like the script had been thrown out the window and that there was this rogue guy and later this rogue group that didn’t care about the rules and were going to take things over whether you liked it or not. Having it look like the other company is involved in it is a brilliant idea as it looks like something is completely unprepared, which makes you want to see it at the same time. Brilliant.

 

5. Finally, this more or less marks the end of the athletics being the focus of the show. Everything became about drama from this point on. The matches got worse, the young guys got pushed to the back, the storylines and a lot of the face/heel dynamics were abandoned and everything was focused on drama. It wouldn’t really kick in until late July, but from this point on you could see the line of demarcation and how everything would change afterwards. It certainly worked for awhile, but eventually people got tired of it which is what brought the company down, along with about a thousand other things but we’ll get to that later.

 

Craig Pittman vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

Guy that won a major PPV competition vs. a guy that hasn’t been on Nitro in months. Gee what do you think is going to happen here? No mention of the Hall incident post break. Teddy Long manages Pittman here. Page makes fun of him to start and imitates a soldier. Pittman does one armed pushups and Page thinks for once and tries to jump him. Pittman moved but the idea was nice at least.

 

There’s a slight reference to Hall but it’s not mentioned specifically at all. Page gets choked on the floor by a cord and then gets almost caught in the Code Red (Pittman’s cross armbreaker finisher). Teddy goes down and the distraction sets up the Diamond Cutter to end it. Barely even a match.

 

Video on Randy Savage and how he’s insane now.

 

Shark says he’s out of the Dungeon of Doom. Somehow he has a world title match tonight. They were a lot more liberal with those back then I guess.

 

Video on Hogan and how he’s been chilling with “celebrities” from Hollywood recently. He’s done some charity work too, which is always cool. He’s also been on Baywatch. It’s really funny seeing how big a deal they’re trying to make a guest appearance on Baywatch seem when Rock is a legit big star now.

 

Hour #2 starts. Bischoff says they’re not going to dignify the guy jumping the rail as he dignifies the guy jumping over the rail.

 

WCW World Title: Shark vs. Giant

 

That sounds like a bad Syfy channel movie. Shark is listed from Tsunami. No country or anything. He’s just from a tsunami apparently. Shark (Earthquake) hammers away on Giant. This is somehow fallout from Slamboree as Giant is replacing Shark or something. Shark keeps ramming into him and Giant eventually gets bored and clotheslines him down.

 

Giant chokes with the boot but Shark actually comes off the middle rope with a double axe. The future Big Show is like dude, you’re old and slams him with ease. He held him up there too which looked awesome. They exchange some more big man stuff and I wouldn’t look for this to last much longer at all. Eric says the second hour will start weekly at 8:50 or so. This bothered me back in the day. How can you start the second hour when the first hour isn’t even a complete hour? Jimmy gets up on the apron and the distraction lets Giant hit the chokeslam to end this.

 

Rating: C. Just a battle of the big men here so how much can you really complain? It’s not that bad but another win for Giant is never a bad thing. He needed all the ring time he could get and that’s what he did here. Shark would feud with the Dungeon briefly before just kind of leaving.

 

Post match Big Bubba comes in to cut half of Shark’s hair. This led to a bad match at the Bash.

 

Bischoff keeps talking about Hall without actually talking about him you know.

 

TV Title: Maxx vs. Lex Luger

 

Maxx used to be DDP’s bodyguard so he’s now #1 contender for the TV Title. Don’t you get the connection there? We talk about the Great American Bash where some guy named Rey Mysterio is going to debut. Maxx uses some very basic power stuff as we pad this out since there’s no point in even making fun of Maxx’s lack of a chance here. More babbling about Hall follows as he’s going to get a chance to talk at the end of the hour.

 

Maxx hammers away as Luger stumbles around a lot. Side slam gets two. Make that four which only in wrestling doesn’t get enough for three. Elbow drop gets two. Falls count anywhere between Sullivan and Benoit is mentioned. Awesome match there. Luger hits a powerslam and there’s the Rack out of almost nowhere to end this.

 

Rating: D+. Just kind of there for the most part as just like Giant did with Shark, Luger gets a workout here that doesn’t mean anything. Their title match went nowhere for the most part because the whole thing was about Bischoff getting jumped by the Outsiders. Anyway, nothing of note here but that was the point.

 

Luger says he earned the title shot even though it was taken from DDP and given to Luger. We get a clip of Giant chokeslaming Luger through the table a few weeks back. Luger wants all the big men WCW has before the title match.

 

Bobby Walker vs. Brad Armstrong

 

Just….why? Walker is a no name guy called Hard Work. See what I mean here? Bischoff still won’t say Hall’s name “due to legal reasons” and still won’t dignify him as he mentions him for the fourth time tonight. Walker takes him down with the arm and Armstrong does the same to Walker. Walker botches a few moves before hitting a cross body off the top for two.

 

We hit the mat for some more basic stuff. Headscissors goes on while they’re on the mat as this is pure filler. They didn’t have the whole two hour concept down yet I wouldn’t think. Walker gets a backslide for two. He goes up and slips again before hitting a top rope shoulder block for the pin.

 

Rating: D. So in a four minute match he noticeably botched three moves. Walker would later be part of a racial discrimination lawsuit against WCW, saying that they held him back because he was black. Based on this, I think it was more due to a high level of suck. Armstrong was always around but never really did anything. We did hear about the Cruiserweight Title being in America now, which is definitely a good thing overall.

 

Steven Regal vs. Alex Wright

 

Time to talk about Hulk! Or the Nasty Boys! Or Dennis Rodman! I never got this. It’s not like they’re talking about something major. They’re talking about random stuff that is there to avoid talking about the matches. That makes no sense but they always did it. Wright speeds things up a bit and takes him to the floor. He dives over the top to take out Regal as we take a break.

 

Back with Wright holding his arm as Regal takes over apparently. Headlock on the mat goes on which is a lot worse from Regal than most people. Belly to belly gets two for Wright. Bischoff actually calls Wright green. When do you ever hear that word being used? That’s another thing that started to be added around this time: random insider terms. European uppercut gives Wright some momentum and a rollup gets two. Pretty sweet pinfall reversal sequence ends with Wright hitting a nice dropkick to take over again. Monkey flip is countered and Regal gets a jackknife cover for the pin.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty nice match here as both guys worked rather hard to give us a nice crisp match. Unfortunately neither guy would really mean anything because they couldn’t talk that well but at the same time they were good backdrops for the amount of talking about WCW vs. NWO. Not much here but a decent little TV match.

 

Regal goes on a rant about Quasimodo and makes a semi-Hitler reference, calling Wright a mini-Adolf. Regal says WCW is nuts here and actually references Hall and says it’s time he has his say in what goes on in WCW. He challenges Sting who he would lose to at the Bash in a good match.

 

Scott Steiner vs. Sting

 

Odd main event here but whatever. They shake hands to start us off. Scott overpowers Sting to start as this is the always weird face vs. face match. Sting sends him to the floor with a dropkick and then dives over the top with a plancha. Back in and Scott gets a butterfly powerbomb for no cover. There’s the belly to belly for no cover again. Scott gets a double axe to the floor as he keeps control.

 

That gets two back in the ring as we make fun of WWF again because that’s just how we roll around here right? Sting gets a big boot up to block a charge in the corner as momentum balances out a bit. Scott hits another belly to belly for two. STF goes on. I guess that makes four moves for him right? He just lets it go and hits a cross armbreaker. Sting starts a comeback but the splash misses.

 

Scott gets a dragon suplex and here comes Luger as a second I guess. Rick comes out also and you might as well just paint a big sign that says DOUBLE DQ IS COMING in big letters on the screen. Samoan Drop from the middle rope gets no cover from Scott again. Sting avoids the Frankensteiner but can’t get the Scorpion. Scott tries a Tombstone which is reversed into one by Sting for two. Sting suplexes Scott to the floor and Luger interferes as does Rick and it’s a double DQ even though Luger hit first.

 

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here and the ending was there to protect Scott I think. They always wanted to push him hard but they couldn’t do it for another four years. The tag match that you would expect would happen next week in a show I missed because I was in a garage hiding from a severe thunderstorm. Anyway, pretty good stuff here with a predictable ending.

 

Hall comes up to the booth and says that “we” are tired of WCW’s big mouths. He tells Billionaire Ted to get three guys for a fight because they’re coming for a war. Hall wants to do it in the ring where it matters. Good line there.

 

Overall Rating: C. Industry changing moment aside, this was a pretty weak show. The matches seemed rather inconsequential for the most part but it’s clear they’re setting up for the Bash. On the other hand you have the 800 pound gorilla in the room known as Scott Hall. The show other than him means nothing as he was just the first step in a huge story that was coming. Anyway, from a historical standpoint this is huge and that’s the only one that really matters.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Saturday Night’s Main Event 21
Date: May 27, 1989
Location: Veterans Memorial Auditorium, Des Moines, Iowa
Commentators: Jesse Ventura, Vince McMahon

This is actually kind of a famous show if nothing else for one match. It’s the first big show after Mania 5 so Hogan is world champion once again, I believe for only the second time actually. He’s defending the title against Boss Man in a cage match that I’m sure a lot of you have seen. It’s famous for one big bump and not much else. This should be fun though as we’re in a transitional period around this time with Hogan being champion but Warrior on the rise. It’s a new beginning really so let’s get to it.

We open with a promo from Hogan inside a cage. Generic but fine. Pretty sure there’s only one cage wall there and he’s in front of a green screen.

Cue theme song.

Who would have believed that at the end of the day, Vince McMahon would win more WWF titles than Jesse? That’s just amusing. We run down what sounds like a decent card.

We get a clip of Mania where Rude won the IC Title from Warrior with the famous finish of Heenan holding the leg. Heenan says win at any cost. This is his first title? Really?

Intercontinental Title: Rick Rude vs. Jim Duggan

Oh and Duggan is now King. It’s by far the least remembered of the reigns with that, including King Haku. The belt looks extra shiny here. Duggan with the crown looks hilarious. It’s Memorial Day Weekend if nothing else so there’s a point to the patriotic gimmick if nothing else. He comes out to what would become Lawler’s music. I always loved the jobbers carrying the throne to the ring.

It’s like “do your job people before I squash you.” Jesse mentions that he used to be a Navy SEAL. That’s just awesome. Duggan uses the robe as a bull cape which is kind of funny I guess. Duggan takes over early as you would expect him to. Rude gets a boot up to stop though and we go into something a bit more traditional. The tights Rude wore were completely awesome. Duggan is RIDICULOUSLY over.

We get a false finish as Duggan gets the pin but Rude’s foot is on the rope. Here’s Haku who Duggan beat for the crown. Rude makes a comeback but rams Duggan’s head into the buckle which of course doesn’t work at all. Duggan gets a normal comeback for him but a hot crowd is helping a lot. The clothesline hits and Duggan wins by countout. His music changes when he wins for some reason.

Rating: C-. Not terrible for what it was. This definitely got the crowd into things to say the least. It was a TV match and that’s all it was supposed to be. On Memorial Day, this is perfectly acceptable. Not great, but it was certainly watchable.

Jim Neidhart is with Gene. He has….RANDY SAVAGE tonight? HUH? Anvil vs. Savage? Why? According to Neidhart to get to Hogan, Savage has to go through Anvil. WHAT?

Vince thinks Anvil will win. I want some of the cocaine he’s on to say that.

Savage says he’s looking to the future and wants Hogan again. Sherri is his new manager too. That went on for about two years which is far longer than I would have thought.

Jim Neidhart vs. Randy Savage

Ok seriously, who is Savage fighting tonight? This joke has gone on long enough. Who is Savage really fighting? Nothing against Anvil as he’s fine, but dude, this is RANDY SAVAGE and it’s less than 2 months since his year long title reign ended at Wrestlemania. Why is Anvil out there for this? It just doesn’t make anything resembling sense at all.

They’re making this out to be Savage vs. Bret circa 1992. When did Anvil and Hogan become buddies? Sherri grabs the leg of course and it does nothing of note. Neidhart hooks a bearhug as I’m not even sure what I’m watching. Again, it’s not bad. It’s just odd. We get a great piece of insight from Vince: Sherri is a different human being than Liz.

You mean, they don’t just put different wigs and outfits on them and hope we don’t notice? THANK YOU OWNER OF THE STUPID COMPANY! Sweet goodness she’s freaky looking. Anvil gets a BIG kick out, likely throwing Savage high enough in the air that he could have hit the top rope. That’s borderline Yokozuna levels. Anvil gets a slingshot shoulder block which would freaking HURT.

Notice the cameras always getting shots of Sherri’s back. It’s clear Vince was running the company back then given what we know now. This is more or less ALL Anvil here. Sherri unhooks Anvil when his arms are tied up and it lets Savage reset the universe to its natural order as he takes over. Wow that was a long sentence. The elbow finishes soon after.

Rating: B-. This was WAY better than it had any right to be. I don’t think anyone was idiotic enough to think that Anvil was going to win, but still it was nice to see him get in such a long stretch of offense and have time being in control. This was a decent enough match and it got Sherri over as a threat to Savage’s opponents, which was the point here. Not bad at all.

Slick and Boss Man say they’re ready for Hogan. Slick is Jesse’s height. That’s very odd indeed. Boss Man is just pure fat here. In 90-91 he would drop about 90 pounds and become freaking lethal. Slick says there’s a surprise for Hogan.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Big Boss Man

This is in a cage remember. Slick says that the surprise is Zeus. He stands on the steps and slams the cage door, blocking Hogan’s entrance. Dang it I was hoping I was done with this guy. Ok here’s the concept of Zeus. Hogan made a movie called No Holds Barred.

The main villain in that movie was named Tom Lister, playing the character of Zeus, a monster fighter that was a crazed wrestler. Hogan played a character that more or less was himself named Rip. At the end of the movie, Rip beats Zeus as you would expect him to. So what this would be is Zeus the character coming after the actor that played the character Rip.

In other words, a character played by an actor is coming after a character played by a character played by Terry Bollea. Now here’s the big problem: LISTER CANNOT WRESTLE. Vince of course contemplated putting him vs. Hogan in SkyDome at Mania 6 for the title. Yeah around this time WWF was in REAL financial trouble until Mania saved the freaking company. Anyway, this is Zeus’ debut.

Remember, this is a movie character going after an actor that played a character that beat his character up. Yeah it was idiotic but oddly enough few got the problem, mainly because most kids were so freaked out by Zeus, including me, that they didn’t get how stupid this was. Oh and remember Hogan hasn’t even come to the arena yet.

We get a clip of No Holds Barred, showing Zeus beating up a street fighter. That movie needs to be on DVD. It just does. Hogan comes out and can’t get in. Zeus beats Hogan down as you would expect. Remember, this would be like Christian Bale claiming to be Batman beating up Liam Neeson. Not Ra’s-as-Ghul, but Liam Neeson. Boss Man dominates early but here comes the champion as you would expect.

See here, the fans are cheering and money was coming in. BIG difference to today. He hits what would be called a spinebuster on Hogan but doesn’t have a name other than “look at that maneuver!” Boss Man gets over the top of the cage but since Boss Man can’t climb down with any kind of speed, Hogan gets there in time. We then get the mega spot of the match, which really isn’t much by today’s standards.

With Boss Man on the top of the cage and Hogan on the top rope, Hogan suplexes Boss Man to the mat. I think it’s because of the size and era that this is considered such a great bump. They’re up about 45 seconds later and everything is fine. Boss Man has handcuffs which don’t work of course. Ah never mind it’s just a chain. Both guys get rammed into the cage and they’re both down.

This time it’s just for a few seconds though. Boss Man is bleeding a bit. The usual stuff ends it as Hogan goes over the top to get to the floor. For those of you that don’t remember, Slick is more or less Pope minus wrestling. I forgot to mention that Slick runs in and there’s a mix up, causing Boss Man to get cuffed to the rope. Hogan beats Slick up afterwards.

Rating: B-. It’s a Hogan cage match. That’s all there is to it. The bump is nice, but other than that there just isn’t much here. Hogan vs. a monster was where he was at his best and this came off just fine. It’s no classic or anything, but for a TV match this was quite good.

Jesse is with the Brainbusters and Heenan who says he’s getting the tag belts tonight. The wrestlers, shockingly enough, agree. Seeing Anderson in a WWF ring is always just weird to see.

Demolition say their usual awesome stuff.

Tag Titles: Brainbusters vs. Demolition

Dang that Demolition music is awesome. The red tongues were always a nice touch too. Tully and Smash start. I wonder if Darsow as Krusher Khrushchev ever fought the Horsemen. I wouldn’t think so. Arn gets the tar beaten out of him. Jesse talks about how often Demolition tags in and out. THAT is what an analyst is supposed to do. So far this has been a total squash.

In what I think was a mistake, Tully gets knocked over the top and lands on Bobby. I think that was a mistake. Ah there we are as the Busters take over for once. Tully is a master of getting people riled up. Smash is the…..whatever the heck you call Demolition, in peril here as we hit the double knockdown.

In a very unique move, Tully sneaks to the floor and pulls Axe down so Smash can’t make the tag. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Smash throws the referee across the ring for the DQ. There would be a rematch on the next SNME.

Rating: C. Formula stuff and it worked just fine. The ending was weak though, although it set up a rematch so I can’t complain there. This wasn’t a classic or anything, but it came off pretty well. Me liking both teams likely has something to do with it though.

Savage says he wants Hogan.

Boris Zhukov vs. Jimmy Snuka

This is your run of the mill “we’ve got like 4 minutes left and no one major other than Hogan hasn’t been interviewed yet so here’s a worthless match for you” match to close the show. The splash ends this in MAYBE a minute.

Rating: N/A. The description of the match I wrote sums this up perfectly.

Hogan yells about Zeus and every word he says makes this whole angle seem all the more stupid. Vince is listed as the Executive Producer in the credits. How did we never catch onto that?

Overall Rating: B+. That’s higher than any of the matches, but this was a VERY good show. There’s nothing bad on here and everything came off really well. For a free TV show, this was freaking great. Three title matches, a better than it should have been Savage match and a squash with a cool finishers makes this great. Loved it.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Here’s the latest proof:– On the May 17th edition of WWE Main Event, Sin Cara made his in ring return and defeated IC Champion Wade Barrett in a non-title match. Sin Cara was then supposed to challenge for the title on the May 24th edition of WWE Main Event, but the match never happened. With WWE looking to run Barrett vs. Miz vs. Fandango, it appears that Sin Cara has simply been left out of the mix.

 

So to clarify, they have seven hours a week of television to fill but they can’t fit in a seven minute Barrett victory over Sin Cara to close this story out?  It’s THAT complicated for them to work on two things at once, one of which is a one off match?

WWF House Show
Date: September 22, 1984
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,000
Commentators: Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon

It’s another MSG house show from 1984, meaning Hulkamania is here but not to the level it would ultimately reach. The champ is in the house tonight and defending the title against one of his biggest rivals of the time: Big John Studd. Other than that there isn’t much to see here, but that’s how a lot of house shows were back in the day. Let’s get to it.

Gene and Gorilla welcome us to the show.

Salvatore Bellomo vs. Brutus Beefcake

This is Beefcake’s MSG debut and he’s actually billed from Parts Unknown. We’re also told that Jesse Ventura is in the hospital in San Diego, meaning he won’t be here to face Hogan. Big John Studd will be challenging Hogan instead. After a brief stall to get us going, Beefcake shoves him down and then into the corner for good measure. Bellomo gets nowhere on a headlock so he dropkicks Beefcake down and hooks an armdrag as well.

Beefcake walks around a bit as more stalling ensues. Back to the headlock as we hit the mat early on. Gene wants to know if Beefcake’s mother knows she has a son named Brutus Beefcake. You mean there isn’t a Mama Beefcake? Bellomo speeds things up with a leapfrog and a reverse dropkick to stagger Brutus a bit. Beefcake snaps off a headbutt to send Salvatore down and the slow offense continues. To be fair though this was far more common in 1984.

Off to a neck crank as Gorilla isn’t thrilled with the refereeing job so far. A back body drop puts Sal down again and the ropes look very loose out there. Brutus goes after the back with a slam and some headbutts to the back for two. Some knees to the jaw get two for Brutus as Gorilla is complaining about what looks like metal on Beefcake’s arms. Bellomo fights up with some solid right hands and a dropkick to send Brutus to the floor. Back in and Brutus pounds away very slowly by knocking Bellomo into the corner. A cross body is caught in mid air into a powerslam by Beefcake for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’ve seen WAY worse debuts for people but it didn’t do much for me here. Brutus didn’t look lost but he looked very limited with what he could do out there. You can only watch so many forearms to the back and knee chokes before you get bored you know? Not terrible here but cutting out three or four minutes would have helped a lot.

Chief Jay Strongbow vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Nikolai sings before the match and Jay seems ok with it. The referee tells them the rules which you never see anymore as I guess it’s a waste of time now. I would however pay a good deal of money for an official WWE rule book given how much it changes at times. Strongbow pounds away in the corner to start and we have a standoff. Off to an armbar by Jay and into a hammerlock before he fires off some basic strikes to the ample gut of Volkoff.

Nikolai shoves him into the corner and puts on a nerve hold, as apparently they need a breather after three and a half minutes of “action”. Jay tries to get on the warpath, only to be pulled right back down by the hair. The referee catches it and Gene actually applauds him for getting one right. Back to the nerve hold for a bit longer before Strongbow gets up and goes on the warpath with some knee lifts. The path continues until as Nikolai pounds on the back until it’s off to Strongbow’s sleeper. Volkoff rams him back first into the buckle to escape and drops an elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. This match wasn’t even seven minutes long and nearly two minutes of it was spent in a nerve hold. Strongbow was long past the point of being worth much here other than a nostalgia pop, which makes for some very dull matches. This wasn’t much to see and Volkoff never would get much better in the ring.

SD Jones vs. Dave Schultz

Schultz is a pretty decent heel who would have his career cut short by being an idiot and attacking a news reporter asking him if wrestling was fake. He backs away from Jones in the corner before taking it to the mat with a headlock. Jones puts on a body vice but gets punched in the face and choked for his efforts. They get back up and Schultz slaps Jones in the face like the villain he is.

Back to the mat with Jones taking over via a headscissors until Schultz makes the ropes. Now Jones slaps Schultz and pounds away, only to have Dave kick him in the face to take over. A clothesline gets two for Schultz and it’s off to a chinlock on SD. Jones fights up and gets two off a headbutt but Schultz sends him and hits…..it was some kind of a kick to the head. Either way it gets the pin in a very awkward count as the referee counted two, stopped, and then counted three. Even Schultz seems annoyed that he won that fast.

Rating: D+. Jones is another guy who wasn’t very good but was popular enough back in the day to warrant keeping a job. Schultz was fine for a quick challenger to Hogan but soon after this he would be gone due to the reasons mentioned above. The match was nothing though and the ending seemed like it wasn’t what was planned.

Greg Valentine vs. Jose Luis Rivera

Rivera jumps Valentine as he’s taking his robe off, sending Greg out to the floor. Back in and Valentine misses a charge into the corner but Jose doesn’t follow him in. Instead it’s a forearm to the face to take Jose down, allowing Greg to stomp on the leg as is his custom. A gutbuster puts Rivera down again and there’s an elbow drop to the thigh. Rivera is thrown to the floor as we’re firmly in squash territory here.

Back in and a shoulder breaker gets two for Valentine and it’s off to an armbar. Another forearm puts Rivera on the floor as Valentine is just toying with him here. Rivera comes back with some right hands, only to be knocked across the ring with a single forearm. Valentine lifts him up and drops Jose ribs first across the top rope before walking around for a bit. Rivera pounds on him in the corner but a single right hand drops him again. A suplex puts Rivera down and there are some of the heavy elbow drops from the Hammer. Figure Four goes on Rivera and we’re done.

Rating: D+. Just an extended squash here but at least it wasn’t all that long. Valentine was still a big deal at this point and he would have one last run with the Intercontinental Title soon after this. Rivera was your traditional ethnic guy who wasn’t all that great but he could fill in a spot on the card like this.

WWF World Title: Big John Studd vs. Hulk Hogan

Here’s your famous debut as Studd has a manager with him: Bobby the Brain Heenan. We get a prerecorded comment from him as he brags about leaving with the title in his first night here. It’s still Eye of the Tiger and the white trunks for Hogan which are always cool to see here. Hogan apparently cut himself on the chest during his entrance. Studd immediately heads to the apron for a meeting with Heenan as Gene warns us about what Bobby is capable of doing.

Studd takes over with a test of strength so Hulk goes with good old fashioned right hands. A running elbow in the corner has Studd on the apron and the match slows back down again. Back in and Hogan hits a big boot to the face but can’t slam Studd, which apparently would get him $10,000. Studd easily slams Hulk down and hits a middle rope forearm to the back. Off to a bearhug but Hogan holds his arm up after two drops, only to be sent into the ropes and knocked down by a big shoulder.

Studd circles the champ and hits a very slow ax handle to the back before we hit another bearhug. Hogan appears to be either dancing or shaking while in the hold but he gets his arm down inside Studd’s grip to break the hold. He can’t follow up though and Studd knocks him out to the floor. The champion is cut open and Studd pounds him from the apron, only to have Hogan come back in and pound away as is his custom. Studd is pounded down but Hogan still can’t slam him. They head to the floor and Hogan still can’t slam him, so Studd shoves him into the post and slides back in for the countout win.

Rating: D+. This was to set up a rematch and nothing more. Obviously you can’t change the title here or anything like that, but the idea of having Hogan not be able to slam him is nothing more than a way to set up a rematch a month later where he can pull the slam off. Other than that though, this was really dull stuff, but that’s par for the course for Studd most of the time.

Heenan and Studd runs off with the belt. Oh yeah it’s a rematch next month.

Ken Patera vs. Rick McGraw

Patera is a strong man with blonde hair here. We stall for over a minute while Patera takes off his warmup gear. Patera shoves him around to start but gets caught in a headlock. It’s about as exciting as it sounds so Ken takes him down with an armbar. McGraw grabs a hammerlock but again we go to the ropes. Very slow paced stuff so far. Off to a leg lock by Patera as this is somehow getting even worse. The leg is wrapped around the post and a big right hand puts McGraw on the floor. Rick pulls him down to the mat and wraps Patera’s leg around the post a few times. Back in and McGraw chokes a lot but gets clotheslined down and sent into the post. The full nelson ends McGraw pretty easily.

Rating: D-. Absolutely horrendous match here as Patera did next to nothing for the eight minutes that this went on. Yeah that whole description filled in just under eight minutes. This was horrible all around but I’d bet it was a filler after intermission for the sake of a concession stand run. Nothing to see here at all.

Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch/Lou Albano vs. Sgt. Slaughter/Wild Samoans

Before the match Albano says that this is due to him being accused of being a biased referee against the Samoans and the Sarge. Adonis and Murdoch are tag champions. Albano sneaks in a foreign object because that’s what he does. After a LONG stall we’re ready for the opening bell. We finally start with Afa vs. Murdoch and they trade full nelsons. It must drive Murdoch nuts to be in there against Afa as Murdoch was a member of the KKK.

That goes nowhere so here’s Adonis instead. Everything breaks down and Albano walks out like the coward he is, leaving this as a handicap match. Slaughter chases after him but comes back a few seconds later. The tag champions try to ram the Samoans’ heads together which has as little effect as you would expect it to have. Albano is back at ringside as we’ve barely had any wrestling in the first five minutes.

Adonis and Murdoch double team Sika until Albano comes in for some shots with that foreign object. Sika snaps up and it’s very quickly off to Murdoch again as we’re firmly in a comedy match at this point. Dick tries the elbow to the head and injures himself in the process. The tag champions are rammed together and Murdoch gets caught in the wrong corner. Albano is offered a chance to come in and says no way. He claims to have a bad back and sends Adonis in to face Sika.

Actually make that Sarge to a big pop and a knee drop to Adonis’ head. Murdoch is knocked to the floor as well but Slaughter goes after Albano, allowing the heels to take Slaughter down. Murdoch hits Slaughter with something from the announce table and Gorilla is freaking out. Back in and Adonis puts on a sleeper but the Samoans make the save. Off to more triple teaming in the corner and a back elbow to the face for two for Murdoch.

Adonis comes back in with a top rope elbow for two before Dick comes in to rip at Slaughter’s face. Slaughter finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Sika who is dropped with a double back elbow from the champions. Albano comes in for some cheap shots but once again Sika snaps up and Lou runs away. Sika gets in a headbutt on Murdoch and it’s off to Afa. Not that the tag means much though as he is caught in a front facelock by Murdoch.

Adrian slams Sika down for two and hits a missile dropkick (a high spot in this era) for two. A top rope splash misses Afa but Murdoch breaks up a tag attempt. Afa gets in a big headbutt and it’s off to Slaughter as everything breaks down. Adonis gets tied up in the ropes so Sika and Slaughter pick up Murdoch and harpoons him into Adonis’ chest. A dropkick gets one for Slaughter and there are some headbutts by Sika.

Adonis breaks up a near fall and it’s back to Afa. Adrian gets a tag but walks into a bunch of headbutts to put him right back down. Slaughter rams Murdoch’s head into Sika’s and it’s off to Albano vs. Sarge. The Cobra Clutch is quickly put on but Adonis makes the save. Lou brings in the exhausted Murdoch as Sarge and Albano leave. Everything breaks down and Sarge runs in to slam Murdoch off the top for the pin.

Rating: C. This took awhile to get into but once it got going things improved a lot. The story makes sense as the tag champions can hang with the Samoans in a two on two match but when you give them Slaughter against the worthless Albano, Murdoch and Adonis are outmatched. It’s too long at 20 minutes but it’s not as bad as I was expecting it to be.

Mike Sharpe vs. B. Brian Blair

Before the match, Sharpe complains about not being introduced as Canada’s Greatest Athlete. Blair is still just a guy in trunks at this point. Sharpe bails to the floor right after the bell and hides on the apron when Blair wants to get going. Mike finally pulls him down and rams Blair into the announce table before we get more stalling. Back in and Blair finally gets in a shot on the leg before wrapping it around the post.

Both guys miss elbow drops and Sharpe is still talking trash. Blair puts on a wristlock but Sharpe goes to the eyes to break it up. A sunset flip out of the corner gets two for Blair and it’s back to the wristlock. Make that an armbar as the workrate really goes up. Sharpe puts on a headlock on the mat before running Blair over with some shoulders. Brian comes back with some dropkicks and armdrags to send Mike out to the floor. Back to the armbar as this long match gets even longer.

Sharpe gets up and backdrops him down for two before sending Blair throat first into the top rope. A splash gets two and it’s off to an over the shoulder backbreaker. Mike throws him through the ropes but not even out to the apron. Off to a Boston Crab but Mike isn’t putting anywhere near the amount of pressure on it that he needs to have. Blair finally kicks him off but gets placed in the corner and punched in the face.

Gene and Gorilla complain about how nothing has happened yet as Blair comes back with a running forearm to the head. A missile dropkick puts Sharpe down and some right hands do the same. Sharpe is sent to the floor and we can see the timekeeper touching his nose, meaning to go home. Back in and Sharpe pounds away in the corner before shoving the referee for the DQ.

Rating: F+. This wasn’t a bad match but good freaking grief was it ever dull. It was nearly twenty minutes of two guys that no one cared about doing nothing of note at all. Even Gene and Gorilla were complaining about how dull the match was so apparently it wasn’t just me who thought this match was boring. It’s not the guys’ fault though as they just had no business wrestling a twenty minute match.

We get the card for next month’s show, which I’ll get to eventually. It’s Tito vs. Valentine for the IC Title if nothing else. Before Fink is done though, here’s Bobby Heenan with something to say. He’s never heard of a title not changing hands on a countout, so if Hogan wants a rematch there’s a contract ready right now. However, Heenan wants it to be a countout can change the title and calls Hogan out to sign it. Cue Hogan to sign it in a pencil and that’s about it.

Pat Patterson vs. Kamala

This is your main event people and I believe it’s Patterson’s last match as a regular competitor. Kamala jumps Patterson before Pat gets his jacket off and pounds on him in the corner. Pat finally gets out of it and pokes Kamala in the eyes before stupidly trying a slam. A shot to the face ticks Kamala off but Patterson bails to the floor before pain can be inflicted. Back in and Kamala wants a test of strength but Patterson stomps on his bare feet in a smart move. Kamala shoves him down and pounds away but can’t hit the splash. Scratch that as it hits Patterson on the back for the fast pin.

Rating: D. Another uninteresting match here but at least it makes Kamala look good. Patterson was WAY past his expiration date here but at least the fans still liked him. He was much better in the ring than people remember but soon after this he would move into the backstage position that he’s most famous for.

We go to the back to hear Chief Jay Strongbow say that he isn’t sure how much longer he can do this given how strong all the new guys are. He also thinks Hulk made a big mistake by signing that contract.

Overall Rating: D-. This was insanely boring with almost nothing interesting at all. The matches weren’t even bad for the most part but they were just so freaking dull that it made a two hour and twenty minute show feel about five times that long. There’s nothing worth watching on here but next month’s show should be much better given the card announced.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @Kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 27, 2013
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler

The main story tonight is what happened last week with HHH collapsing. Tonight we’re likely to get an update on his condition, meaning we’re likely to hear from Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel about what they did to him. There’s also a good chance that Cena will be back from the beating he received at Ryback’s hands. Let’s get to it.

We open with the traditional moment of remembrance due to Memorial Day which is always classy.

Recap of the end of the show from last week and Ryback’s challenge to Cena.

Here’s Cena to open the show. He talks about the ending to the last man standing match being controversial and about how Ryback called him out for an ambulance match. After stopping for a WE WANT BRET chant, Cena makes the counteroffer of a 3 Stages of Hell match, with stipulations of a lumberjack match, a tables match, and then the ambulance match. Cue Ryback who calls himself Beelzebub because of where he tried to take Cena. I’m assuming that means the match is on.

After Ryback leaves, here’s Heyman to introduce Cena to Curtis Axel. He talks about how Axel “beat” HHH last week and proposes Cena vs. Axel for later tonight. Cena says that Axel has guts but says he needs to stay away from Heyman. Axel isn’t impressed and wants a fight, so Cena says it’s on.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big E. Langston

Langston pounds Del Rio into the corner but gets caught by a quick dropkick. Del Rio low bridges him to the floor and hits a suicide dive as Cole runs through the list of networks that carry the show in different countries. Big E. drops Alberto face first on the steps for two back in the ring as Cole is now plugging the WWE App and we get a quick partial interview from Ziggler on him wanting to come back.

A backbreaker puts Del Rio down but he avoids a charge into the corner, sending Langston into the post. There’s the Backstabber and a hard kick to Langston’s head for two but the armbreaker is countered into a belly to belly. Langston pulls the strap down but AJ gets on the apron and takes off a turnbuckle pad. The armbreaker goes on but Langston lifts him up into the air to counter. Del Rio gets to his feet and shoves Langston chest first into the exposed buckle, allowing him to get a rollup for the pin at 4:18.

Rating: C. These two have some chemistry together but this existed for the angle with AJ. It seems like they’re wanting to split Langston off from Ziggler and AJ which would be one of the best things they could do for him. The match here wasn’t bad and I could see these two having a much longer match in the future.

Post match Langston is upset at AJ and walks away from her.

Kane and Bryan are in the back with Bryan pacing back and forth. Bryan is muttering about the weak link until Kane yells at him, saying that only Bryan thinks he’s the weak link. If they want to beat Shield tonight, Bryan needs to pull himself together. Bryan interprets this as Kane calling him the weak link.

They get into the yes/no argument but stop because Bret Hart is here. Bret calls them one of the best combinations he’s ever seen, so Bryan asks Bret if anyone ever saw him as the weak link in the Hart Foundation. Hart says not really and leaves. Kane wants to know why that means something from Bret and not him. Bryan says because he’s Bret Hart and you’re Kane. I love how simple that is.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dean Ambrose

This is another rematch because of Shield interfering in the one on Smackdown. Kofi starts with a quick armbar but gets pounded in the corner by the champion. Ambrose ducks a quick Trouble in Paradise attempt and bails to the floor as we take a break after less than two minutes of action and less than three minutes after the end of the last commercial.

Back with Ambrose getting two off an elbow drop but Kofi fires off some elbows of his own to recover. A cross body out of the corner gets two but Dean rolls away from the Boom Drop. They trade near falls in a string of rollups before the SOS gets two for Kofi. Orton and Sheamus are watching the match on the WWE App as Kofi gets two off a springboard clothesline. Ambrose trips Kofi up and sends him off the apron into the steps, allowing the bulldog driver to end him clean at 8:23.

Rating: C. Not much to see here and the ending was more abrupt than I was expecting. Thankfully though that was a definitive ending and we don’t have to drag out the rematches anymore. Dean won cleanly and looks like the better man, which is exactly what Kofi was there to make happen. Not a great match, but it was the perfect way to go about things here.

Post match Shield celebrates until HELL NO come out to start the tag title match after the break.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins

This is joined in progress after the break with Bryan being double teamed. Rollins stays in and gets caught in the ribs by a running knee before Bryan fires off kicks in the corner. Kane tags himself in and Bryan isn’t pleased. A slam gets two for Kane and there’s a Hart Attack by the challengers (not that the announcers make note of it or anything). Back to Bryan who fires in elbows to the jaw before dragging Seth into the corner for a tag to Kane.

The big man loads up a chokeslam but Rollins counters with a LOUD enziguri. Off to Reigns who pounds Kane down while showing no problems with his ankle from Smackdown. Roman hooks a chinlock on Kane to slow things down a bit before getting two off a slam. It’s back to Seth to stomp away at the ribs and put on a chinlock of his own. Oh wait: WE GET SOMETHING ELSE FROM THE APP! This time it’s the Prime Time Players watching the match. Why would I want to get that thing if that’s what I’m going to get?

Anyway Kane fights back and clotheslines Rollins down, allowing for the hot tag to Bryan. He cleans house on the Shield, hitting a wicked German and a running dropkick to Rollins for two. Here are the rapid fire kicks to the chest and one to the head for two more. Seth loads up a superplex but Bryan slips underneath him and puts Rollins in the Tree of Woe for more kicks to the chest. Bryan belly to back superplexes him down as we take a break.

Back with Rollins working over Bryan and putting him in a surfboard, only for Bryan to counter. Reigns gets the tag before Bryan can do anything else though and the beating continues. Roman gets two off a shoulder and it’s back to Rollins for the downward spiral into the buckle while calling Bryan the weak link. Back to Reigns who gets caught by a running kick to the face, allowing for the hot tag to Kane.

The big man cleans house as he is known to do, getting two off the side slam to Rollins. Reigns makes the save but gets dropkicked down by Bryan. The referee tells Bryan to quit beating on Reigns on the floor but he dives off the apron into a spinebuster anyway. Rollins uses the distraction to hit the springboard knee to the head of Kane for the pin at 18:40.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty good tag match and hopefully now we don’t have to see these guys fight anymore. Not that the matches have been bad or anything, but WWE has a really bad tendency to pound matches into the ground and make the fans loathe them no matter what. Just like earlier though, Shield looks good here and they get the rub they needed.

We recap the opening segment.

We recap the end of last week’s show and get some post show stuff with HHH saying he doesn’t remember any of the matc.

Apparently the injury took place from the sledgehammer shot to the head from Brock, meaning that Axel’s offense had no extra damage. HHH could be back next week.

You can vote as to whether Miz should be guest commentator, ring announcer or referee for Wade Barrett vs. Fandango.

After the break, Miz is going to be guest referee by a huge margin. I’m as shocked as you are.

Wade Barrett vs. Fandango

Fandango hits a quick chop to take over and pounds the champion (this is non-title) into the corner. An elbow to the jaw gets two but Barrett pounds away to put Fandango down for two. Barrett hits the boot to Fandango in the ropes, only to have Miz lay out Wade with the Skull Crushing Finale. Fandango gets the pin at 2:43.

Post match Miz kicks Fandango in the head as he and Summer are dancing, knocking Summer on top of him. Miz counts three because he can.

Shawn Michaels pops in to see Cena and says Cena is crazy. Cena thinks he’s doing what Shawn would do and leaves.

Tons of Funk/Great Khali vs. 3MB

This is over a destroyed birthday cake apparently. Khali destroys McIntyre with chops to start before it’s off to Tensai for his cannonball attack in the corner. The rest of the Band interrupts to take over but it’s quickly back to Brodus. A splash in the corner and a powerslam get two on Slater as everything breaks down. The splash finishes Slater at 2:53.

Apparently it’s Natalya’s birthday so Khali sings Happy Birthday to her.

Video on Cena’s patriotic stuff to celebrate Memorial Day.

Time for the Highlight Reel with guest Paul Heyman. After sucking up to Calgary, Jericho brings out Heyman for some insults as only Jericho can do. He talks about Heyman developing talent which Heyman agrees with, such as Chris Jericho. It was Heyman who gave Jericho his first break which Jericho agrees with. “Yeah and you still owe me money.” Heyman says he’s going to do the same thing with Curtis Axel tonight as Axel beats Cena later in the show.

Jericho would rather talk about Heyman’s other client and Heyman goes into his schtick about Lesnar. Instead, Jericho wants to talk about CM Punk, who has been gone for a month and a half. We get a clip of Punk walking out back in April and the fans chant for Mr. CM. Jericho talks about Heyman having the same suit and look on his face in both the clip and right now. Apparently Heyman was surprised to see Punk leave, but Heyman says he’s wearing the suit out of respect for Jericho.

That’s not enough for Jericho but Heyman doesn’t know what Chris wants. Heyman goes into his usual schtick about Punk’s accomplishments but Jericho cuts him off and asks where Punk is. Heyman says a statement is coming soon but that’s also not good enough for Jericho. Jericho says that Punk can’t be called the best in the world after being gone this long, but wonders if Punk will be at Payback in Chicago. Chris thinks he’s the best in the world which ticks Heyman off. The challenge is issued by Jericho but Heyman laughs at him. After more goading from Jericho and the fans, Heyman accepts for Punk and that’s that.

Bella Twins vs. Kaitlyn/Natalya

We’ll say Nikki starts with Kaitlyn and a lot of choking ensues. Off to a chinlock for good measure until Kaitlyn fights up and makes the tag off to Natalya. Sharpshooter goes on for like 30 seconds but there’s no tap out. Instead Brie comes in and breaks it up, only to be speared down. Kaitlyn spears Natalya by mistake, giving Nikki the pin at 3:45.

Rating: D. Whatever. That is all.

The Bellas sing Happy Birthday to Natalya.

Bret comes in to see Axel and advises him to dump Heyman. Axel says no one gave him the time of day before last week but Heyman finally did. He’s completely right but we’re supposed to be offended I guess.

Bray Wyatt video. He and his Family are coming soon. For those of you NXT fans, you know why this is awesome.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Rhodes Scholars

Orton and Rhodes start things off with Randy running him over. Off to Sheamus with the slingshot shoulder for two before Sandow and Orton come in again. Damien pounds him down in the corner and brings Rhodes back in, only to have him caught in a suplex. Back to Sheamus who is stomped down in the corner before coming back with a neckbreaker for two. Sheamus goes up but gets slammed down by Sandow as we take a break.

Back with Sandow choking on Sheamus before it’s back to Rhodes for a body scissors. Back up and there’s the Irish Curse, allowing for the tag off to Orton. Both Scholars walk into powerslams and there’s the Elevated DDT to Sandow. We head to the floor with Rhodes and Orton colliding before Sandow throws Orton in for two. Cody hits the front suplex before it’s back to Damien with the Wind-Up Elbow for two.

Back to Cody who walks into the t-bone suplex, allowing for the tag to Sheamus. House is cleaned and there are ten forearms to Damien. Cody hits the Disaster Kick on Sheamus for two, only to have Sheamus escape the Terminus and hit White Noise. Brogue Kick and we’re done at 15:40.

Rating: D+. The match was fine but DEAR GOODNESS I never want to see any combination of this match again. Sheamus and Orton have beaten the Scholars for what feels like 10000 times each and I’m just over it. It’s not entertaining, it’s not fun, it’s never in doubt and there’s no part of me that wants to watch it ever again. Find ANYBODY new for Sheamus and Orton to beat up, please.

Curtis Axel vs. John Cena

Cena hits a quick hiptoss and we’re already at a break. Back with Axel in control on the floor before heading back in for more pounding. A snap suplex gets two as the fans are looking at something in the audience. Axel wisely goes to an armbar until the fans are paying attention again. Back up and Axel clotheslines him in the back of the head for two as the fans are paying attention again. Cena fights up and hits the shoulders and ProtoBomb.

The Shuffle connects but Axel pops out of the AA and hits a dropkick for two. A middle rope ax handle connects but the second one misses, allowing Cena to hit a standing powerslam for two. Axel channels his Papa with a Hennig necksnap and a kick in the face for two. The PerfectPlex is escaped into an STF attempt but Axel escapes again. The AA is countered into a PerfectPlex for two but Axel misses a splash in the corner. Cue Ryback with the ambulance and Cena walks towards it, earning a countout at 11:54.

Rating: C-. Cena didn’t beat him, Cena didn’t hit the AA, Cena didn’t get the STF, Cena didn’t kick out of Axel’s finisher, Cena was barely on offense at all. This is how you give someone a rub, unlike last week where it was ALL about HHH. This is a great showing for Axel and something that should have happened last week.

Ryback jumps Cena from behind because he isn’t in the ambulance. He tries to ram Cena through the set like at the PPV but Cena escapes. The AA off the stage doesn’t work either and Ryback bails. Important point: Axel is announced as the winner and poses with his music playing to end the show. Cena even applauds him as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: C-. The show wasn’t bad here and there were some good matches, but there was nothing that made me want to see more. That’s the problem with WWE right now: there’s nothing really interesting and everything feels like it’s warmed over stuff that we’ve done a dozen times before. It’s just like we’re killing time to get to something else but there’s no indication that there’s a plan for what that is. I do know however that I can watch people watching the same match I’m watching if I download the App so at least there’s that.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. Big E. Langston – Rollup

Dean Ambrose b. Kofi Kingston – Bulldog Driver

Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins b. HELL NO – Springboard knee to the Head

Fandango b. Wade Barrett – Skull Crushing Finale

Tons of Funk/Great Khali b. 3MB – Splash to Slater

Bella Twins b. Kaitlyn/Natalya – Spear to Kaitlyn

Curtis Axel b. John Cena via countout

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Yeah I was right.The official WWE line is that Lesnar’s shot to the head caused the injury and Axel caused NO further damage.

That’s the official word from WWE: Axel did NOTHING.  Axel doesn’t get credit for injuring HHH, he doesn’t get the win, he gets NOTHING.

And I mean that in a good way.I just finished watching Starrcade 1999 and my freaking goodness it was a mess.  There were thirteen matches on a two and a half hour show, meaning that only three matches broke 8 minutes.  There were stupid angles, there were gimmick matches all over the place, and the ending was a Montreal Screwjob.

 

People that say TNA is the same as WCW was in its dying days have no idea what they’re talking about.  TNA still makes (mostly) coherent sense and has some spots of awesome mixed in with all the Hogan and Sting dullness.  Right now, TNA isn’t that interesting, but it’s certainly not horrendous.  There’s a very big difference between the two and it’s something people often forget about.

Thanks to everyone who died defending our country and to the soldiers who do it to this day.

 

Enjoy the day off everyone.

Night of Champions 2010
Date: September 19, 2010
Location: Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Illinois
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Since this PPV is all about champions, take a guess as to what it’s about. That’s right: pancakes. I prefer them with just syrup but some people actually like butter. I’m not a butter fan so I never use it. Ok the show is starting now so I’m out of jokes. I could go for some Aunt Jemima though.

One thing I wonder: what are Paper Jams? Paper related music? A jelly substitute made from trees? Wow syrup and jam already. Hopefully no one lays an egg or we’ll have a decent breakfast.  Let’s get to it.

I apologize for that joke. Even I thought it sucked beyond belief.

IntercontinentalTitle: KofiKingstonvs. DolphZiggler

If Dolph is disqualified or counted out he loses the title. Vickie does her intro but we get to look at Kaitlyn in a good looking dress so I can live with that. The music helps too. We get the two hands behind the head here which I like as a taunt for some reason. They have him in a black bowtie now too which makes my head hurt. Red tights for Kofi tonight which is a good look for him.

Feeling out period to start which is weird since they’ve had so many matches. The ring skirt has all the titles around it which is a cool look. Kaitlyn helps to get Dolph up and is yelled at of course. NICE neckbreaker by Dolph and a chinlock follows it up. The champion has half black and half white boots on which is different for him. He uses a big boot. Well of course he does.

Dolph hits a Fameasser which gets a joke from Striker. King audibly groans at it too which is the sign of a bad one. When JERRY LAWLER thinks your joke sucks, you’ve got a big problem. Lawler: Vickie used to be boy crazy. Boys would have nothing to do with her and it drove her crazy. Vickie is in leather pants which gets a lot of commentary for some reason.

And now Cole and Striker argue about who designed Vickie’s shirt. This is either really boring in ring stuff or really bad commentary. Given who is doing what, I think I’ll bet on the latter. Kofi hits a counter to get us to even again and here’s the comeback. Nice standing dropkick and he hits a Thesz Press. Wow I haven’t seen one of those in YEARS. Boom Drop hits and sets for Trouble in Paradise.

He does the stupid clapping thing where everyone cheers for him. Sleeper is blocked as Dolph uses it for a counter. SOS gets two as Ziggler gets his foot on the ropes. We’re cranking it up again here as I think I know the finish that’s coming. I’ll let you know if I was right or not. We hit the floor and Kofi is dominating. He throws Ziggler back into the ring to break the count which Striker says is smart. Cole of all people points out the reality: it was stupid as he would win the title on a countout.

Sleeper out of NOWHERE (which remember must suck since it’s a transitional move or whatever. I love the IWC’s idiocy at times) and Kofi is in trouble. He gets up quickly which is at least believable. I can’t stand when someone is in a hold for like a minute and then gets out of it. Kofi gets one of his own on but Dolph reverses. Vickie goes to smack Kofi but Dolph screams at her not to. Trouble in Paradise misses and Zig Zag ends this mostly clean which is surprising. I was wrong with what popped into my head but not entirely, but I’ll spare you the details.

Rating: B. This would be standard fare on Smackdown which means it’s very solid. This was another good match between them and hopefully this ends their feud which has run its course I think. Solid here and Ziggler looked strong, dominating for the most part and countering on a mistake to win it. Solid stuff but PLEASE get rid of Vickie as he doesn’t need her anymore.

Miz does an ad for Paper Jams, which is a music thing or something.

Edge says he’ll win. Nothing at all special about this.

CMPunkvs. BigShow

Ok, Punk HAS to win this or his year is more or less a lost one. He’s called the Second City Saint here in his hometown which is a rare thing in this company. He gets the hometown reaction which Lawler is surprised by. That’s ironic as Lawler has made more of a career out of one town than anyone in history. Punk says he loves Chicago but he hates the inhabitants of it. Is he a self-hater I suppose?

He manages to get heel heat here in a smark stronghold. That’s saying a lot. Punk wants to burn the city down and rebuild it into a straightedge utopia. That’s a great line actually. Punk tops that by saying if he’s facing the Giant then he is David and his slingshot is the almighty straightedge. I already live such a lifestyle but I want to join him anyway. Punk with the headband is still weird looking.

Cole calls Show a knucklehead, and wouldn’t you know that’s the title of his upcoming film. Cole says a headbutt from Show is like taking a cinderblock and breaking it over the opponent’s head. WHY DOES HE KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE? Big chop sends Punk to the floor. PUNK USED A FREAKING BIG BOOT. He follows it up with a slingshot senton bomb over the top to the floor in a nice spot.

Punk has him down but one punch slows him down. Middle rope elbow gives Punk the advantage back. They’re pacing this differently which is working well. Punk kicks him in the head which is a nice touch. Striker asks Lawler who the biggest man he’s ever been in the ring with. Of course it’s Andre, and Cole says that no one beat Andre. I REALLY hope he said that as a generalization and not literally because who are they trying to kid otherwise?

Show more or less tackles Punk out of the air and punches him for the pin. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Show hit two moves: the tackle and the punch. That’s it. That was Show’s offense. Punk DOMINATED other than that but Show hits two move to end it. I hate this company some times. How in the world can you validate giving Show that win that way after Punk killed on the mic? It makes Punk’s offense look pathetic but hey who cares? Show is BIG so of course he gets to win. Freaking joke man.

Rating: F. This was idiotic. Yes Punk is my favorite wrestler, but sweet goodness man: someone please explain to me why in the holy mother of goodness THE BIG SHOW deserves to go over him like this or in any way that doesn’t involve Gallows jumping Punk. Punk has been GOLD on the mic lately and yet his only big win recently is over Christian when Alberto interfered. This is so freaking stupid it’s unreal.

Jericho says he’ll win everything. You know the line he throws in there.

We recap Bryan vs. Miz which should be good. I’ve heard great praise for their house show matches and after Monday I’m legitimately unsure who wins here.

USTitle: TheMizvs. DanielBryan

Miz in blue here which works for him in a weird way. Riley is here with Miz of course. We’re told that Shawn trained by HBK which I don’t remember hearing before. Very well may have been though. Somehow we talk about Lou Thesz and Cole says he Googled all of his info. Can we get some talk about breakfast again? It’s far more interesting than this bickering.

Miz with a nice bow and arrow hold as the announcers keep up their whining. We get an explanation for the name LaBelle Lock, which is named after an old wrestler from the 30s. Well that’s better than nothing. Miz works the arm as Striker says he thinks Bryan is attractive. We get a shoulderbreaker and Striker gives a shout out to Double A (Arn Anderson) and says he should be in the Hall of Fame. Say it with me: AMEN!

The champ throws out a big boot as we’ve literally seen it three times tonight. Bryan with a suicide dive through the ropes to take out Miz. He SELLS THE ARM and hits a dropkick off the top for two. They slug it out and the selling continues. Let the boo/yay chanting begin! Running dropkick in the corner which always amazes me when someone hits it for some reason.

Miz kicks out again and Bryan gets a bit frustrated. We head up top and Bryan gets crotched. SWEET clothesline takes down Bryan who lands on his arm for two. All Miz here as he CRANKS on the arm and makes Bryan scream. Ropes are grabbed but Miz has til five. If he yelled that the IWC would have rioted. The Finale (not typing that name out) is countered into a rollup for two.

Riley gets on the apron but Miz punches him by mistake. Rollup by Bryan gets two and I would have bet on that being the ending. Bryan to the floor and Riley rams the post by mistake. Bryan STILL holds the arm. Miz just goes off on Bryan with punches but gets pulled into the LaBelle Lock AND IT’S OVER! Miz cries at ringside in a funny moment.

Rating: B+. This WORKED. I was way into the ending here as Bryan came off as awesome, just like Miz. I can’t wait for the IWC to complain about how Bryan carried Miz here and I can’t wait for it. Miz more than held up his half out there and looked great (just to be clear, Bryan was great here too). This was a very solid match but was held back by Riley interfering. Miz losing this way is perfect and it definitely put Bryan over. Very solid match and I was most impressed.

Hell in a Cell is in TWO WEEKS. Wow that’s dumb.

Cena is still all smiley and happy here and does a math themed promo which makes sense.

Women’sTitles: MichelleMcCoolvs. Melina

Michelle in red: DANG. Nice shot of her as the bell rings. Layla is ticked at her for being in there as we hear about the history of the Women’s Title, which is of course mostly nonsense but whatever. Crowd is DEAD. Yes, a Chicago crowd is dead. Michelle sends her to the floor but no one sends her back in. NICE Blockbuster from Orton’s elevated DDT position by Michelle. I love the Blockbuster (jumping front flip neckbreaker) so that was sweet for me.

Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) is blocked and Melina takes over. Decent belly to belly suplex for two by the blonde. Kelly gets up on the apron marking the first time they do anything all night as Melina has her rolled up. Kelly is for Melina here but just doesn’t get it I guess. The girls all beat up Michelle and send her back in. They need to stop slapping the mat as I think it’s a referee count.

Melina does the Matrix Move but Michelle just kicks her. Again: kicking and punching people works best a lot of the time. Both girls hit the floor as the girls yell at Michelle, showing off their acting…..talent. Layla interferes and Michelle gets to hit a, wait for it, wait for it, BIG BOOT TO UNIFY THE BELTS.

Rating: C-. Surprisingly decent match here although the girls were absolutely pointless out there. Layla interfering is fine as it’s expected, but what about the heat between them allegedly? This wasn’t much but at least it gets rid of the stupid Divas Title, or at least I hope so. Better than most Divas matches though so I’ll give it that.

Barrett talks about the Winds of Change. I wonder if he’ll Rock You Like a Hurricane.

We hit probably the longest recap ever as we set up Kane vs. Taker. You know this one by now I’m sure and if not go read my SD reviews for the last 6 weeks or so. We get the full history here over the last 12 years, including the straight up lie that Taker took Kane’s mask away.

SmackdownWorldTitle: Kanevs. Undertaker

Surprisingly Taker comes out first. They slug it out in the aisle to start. I want to see if they can break the streak of awful that their matches have been in the past. Taker shoves him off the stage into a pillar that the set is made of. The no holds barred aspect helps here as these two are designed for a big fight rather than just a regular match. So far they’re following that idea as it’s just a major fight so far.

Taker gets sent into the steps and Kane kicks him in the head. Why must you tease me with more big boots? Kane grabs the belt and hits Taker in the ribs with it which is a shot you don’t see that often. Clothesline off the top doesn’t get a cover as Kane does a really bad looking legdrop. Cole says Kane has dissected Taker. I guess we’re ignoring the first 4 minutes of this match.

Seated running one footed dropkick (just get to the freaking big boot you freaking teases!) hits as Kane is dominating. He takes the cover off the table and just pelts Taker with it. This has been a bit better than I expected and MUCH better than their other stuff. Taker sends him into the steps and has signs of life. Or is it death with him? His character can be a bit confusing at times.

Apron legdrop by Taker and for once the word vintage is ok. We get a mini Taker Dive as he sails over the railing to take down Kane. We head into the crowd as they’ve been in the ring about two minutes out of maybe 10 this has gone. Kane hits kind of a big boot. He hits a jumping punch as we’re back at ringside now. He punches Taker down and Taker is in trouble.

It turns into a boxing match almost with Kane throwing nothing but punches. Taker is getting DOMINATED here and it’s kind of nice to see. As long as he doesn’t make the comeback and win that is. Taker gets one punch in to a BIG old pop. He starts winning but Kane gets a knee. Jumping clothesline puts Kane down though. And now Taker throws punches.

Snake eyes and a big boot get two. We’re 5-5 in big boots tonight. Chokeslam to Kane but Taker can’t cover him. Striker calls him the weigher of souls. Could he be more over the top when talking about the zombie? Kane counters the Tombstone into one of his own and Kane wins clean!

Rating: C+. It wasn’t a great match by any means but this did what it was supposed to do. I don’t think these two can have a great match, but this is what they were supposed to do: Kane went out there and beat Taker up and then pinned him clean. That’s how this was needing to go and Kane gets the clean victory. Pretty sure we’re heading to Hell in a Cell with these two which is the next logical step. Kane needed this though and he got it.

Taker can barely get back to the locker room and almost has to crawl the last bit. I’d love Paul Bearer to come out here.

Randy says he has nothing to say. This takes nearly two minutes.

Legendary is coming to DVD already. That’s AWESOME.

We’re having a tag team turmoil match??? Hokey smoke. Someone made a thread about this and I didn’t think it would happen but here we go. The idea is there are five teams with two random ones starting. They have a match and then the winners advance to face the next team. Last team standing wins. It’s kind of like the weird cousin of the gauntlet match.

TagTeamTurmoil

We open with Hart Dynasty vs. Usos. Yeah because we haven’t seen this enough. Striker mentions playing a game called Six Degrees of the Hart Dungeon, which sounds AWESOME to a wrestling geek like me. DAVID HITS A BIG BOOT IN THE CORNER! Kidd hits a big Asai moonsault to the floor. Kidd gets the Sharpshooter but the other Uso hits a BIG BOOT to end him, guaranteeing new champions.

Kozlov/Santino vs. Usos now. This lasts about a minute as Santino sets for the cobra but Tamina distracts him, allowing a Samoan Drop (shocking right?) to end him.

Bourne/Henry in next. This shows how sad the tag division is. It truly does. Henry comes in and cleans house with the World’s Strongest Slam. Air Bourne ends it.

Final team is Drew/Cody. Ok we HAVE to have the heels win it here for the sake of sanity. Also so we can hear either awesome theme song. Drew is in those sexy white tights too so I’m happy. The heels dominate for awhile as Bourne plays Ricky Morton for awhile. They say Cody was a tag team champion but never say with who. I don’t get why though.

Big gutbuster by Drew as Bourne is in trouble, hence the Morton thing I guess. Drew CRANKS on a chinlock which looks awesome. Bourne gets out of a suplex using the ultimate counter: kicking his feet. Hot tag to Henry and Cody trips coming through the ropes. They go for the Super Shooting Star which takes forever so Cross Roads takes out Bourne (illegal man) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D. These are hard to grade but given who was in this the booking more or less was terrible. No Gatecrashers or Dudebusters or Nexus but Bourne and Henry? Really? The one good thing here is that they beat the champions clean the other night. That’s a major plus for them so there’s no argument that they didn’t beat the champions. Not wild AT ALL on having another randon team thrown together but that’s the nature of the beast in modern tag wrestling I guess. Pretty bad though and definitely the worst of the night so far.

Random Alberto Del Rio promo montage.

Build up video for the elimination match and I think you get the idea of it.

Sheamus says his usual stuff.

RawWorldTitle: Sheamusvs. JohnCenavs. Edgevs. WadeBarrettvs. RandyOrtonvs. ChrisJericho

Pin or submission only for eliminations. MONSTER reaction for Edge. The trenchcoat is back too. Face pop for Jericho but not as big as Edge’s. Barrett is in his second PPV main event less than five months after making the main roster. Not bad. Elimination rules here. Orton is out last and gets a nice reaction but still pales in comparison to Edge. Striker asks Lawler for strategy here. Lawler says avoid elimination, which sounds really simplistic but Lawler follows it up by saying you’re going to have a better chance with three or four opponents than with five so if you can hang on your odds improve. Sometimes the simplest answer is best.

Tornado rules here too which is nice. We get a Hulk reference kind of as Cole lists off champions. Cena and Jericho stare each other down which makes me think Jericho is a jobber by comparison. RKO maybe 90 seconds in ends Jericho. WHAT THE HECK? He makes the big sad exit and everyone, myself included, is shocked. Y2J chant picks up of course as I’d love a face run from him.

Everyone surrounds Barrett and the beatdown is on! Orton and Cena have an eventual staredown but Barrett breaks it up. Striker calls Edge, Sheamus and Barrett rulebreakers. CENA THROWS A DROPKICK! The superpowers fight it out but Barrett saves Cena for some reason. Sheamus kicks Barrett in the face. He dominates for awhile and goes around kicking everyone in sight.

High knees to Cena which I can’t think of a Too Many Lies joke for. Cena blocks the High Cross as everyone else has apparently died. Edge comes back in and stops the top rope Fameasser. Double suplex off the top to take Cena down for two. Edge and Sheamus work together which tells me he eliminates the Irishman.

Orton pops up for like two seconds and Sheamus takes him down almost immediately. Spear misses and the Irish Curse takes Edge down. Brogue Kick misses but Edge gets the spear. Orton takes one too but Edge takes a very nice FU to get rid of him and we have four left. Barrett takes down Cena and stomps the tar out of him.

He and Cena fight it out for awhile until Cena makes his comeback. 5 Knuckle Shuffle but Sheamus accidentally hits Barrett. Cole keeps calling the FU the A.A. now. Sheamus is in the STF FOREVER and has one of the best teases of getting there I’ve ever seen. He manages to do it and you can feel the crowd just stop. Nexus comes out and the distraction allows Barrett to hit Wasteland on Cena and ELIMINATE HIM!

Nexus beats down Orton and since there are no disqualifications this is all gravy baby. Nexus tries to run in again but Cena KILLS one of them with a chair. Orton gets the backbreaker on Barrett and an RKO gets us down to Sheamus vs. Orton. Brogue Kick KILLS Orton but it only gets two and a big old pop. High Cross is countered and the RKO gives Orton his seventh title!

Rating: C+. This was ok. It wasn’t the mess I thought it would be and getting rid of two people relatively early, especially Jericho, made this run a lot more smoothly. It’s an ok match but really nothing worth going out of your way to see. They went with the usual multi-man formula here which I’m not a fan of at all. Barrett pinning Cena clean is a good thing but it’s probably going to lead to a Hell in a Cell match which I don’t think anyone wants to see at this point. Fairly good match, but not a great one at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was definitely ok but it’s not a great show. The title changes are usually pretty cool and some of these were, but I can’t really bring myself to care about Orton winning his 7th world title. You get some good stuff like Miz vs. Bryan and Kane vs. Taker, but other than that this show really isn’t anything special. It’s entertaining enough for three hours and if you watch it you won’t be bored, but you certainly won’t be blown away. Not a bad show but not really good either.

 

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