Apparently during Smackdown, Ziggler got a nasty concussion.  No word on if he’ll be out of the PPV or not but it’s too early to tell at this point.  This certainly could shake things up though.

I’m cheating with this one as this show was taped on the 8th. I couldn’t find anything else from that date though.

Smackdown
Date: May 11, 2012
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

We’ve got two shows before Over the Limit and after Raw we have a fatal fourway main event instead of just Sheamus vs. Del Rio which should be a big upgrade over the singles match. Other than that we have very little set up for the PPV on the blue side. The show is going to be a filler show so it doesn’t really need to be that set up. I’m sure we’ll get Show vs. Rhodes again too. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from the Raw tag match and the post match brawl/announcement in the back.

Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho

No car for Del Rio this time. Orton and Jericho get things going. Randy takes him down with a shoulder block and slaps Sheamus on the shoulder to tag him in. Sheamus clotheslines Jericho down and brings Randy back in with a hearty slap on the arm. Off to Del Rio who gets taken down but the knee drop misses. Alberto goes for the arm and drops some knees on it.

Randy gets in a boot as the announcers say there’s no point in trying to predict the fourway. Tag to Sheamus who hits the Regal Roll for two. Jericho low bridges Sheamus to send him to the floor and gets in a shot to the injured shoulder. Jericho comes in legally and puts on a modified Fujiwara armbar.

To give you an idea of the commentary I have to listen to here, this exchange happens: Josh: “I know you can’t predict a winner in the fatal fourway but will Sheamus retain?” Michael: “I don’t think so because it’s almost mathematically impossible. He only has a 25% chance.” After that butchering of both logic and math, Sheamus hits Jericho with the ax handle and tags in Orton. RKO is countered but a dropkick gets two for Orton. Everything breaks down and the referee calls for the bell after about four seconds for the double DQ at 5:19.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t really a match but rather just a backdrop for the double DQ ending. That’s probably a good thing too as there’s no need to have anyone look better or weaker before the PPV. It was just a basic main event style tag match until then and at least we didn’t have to wait long before it got thrown out.

Post break we’re told that it’s Del Rio vs. Orton and Sheamus vs. Jericho later.

AJ vs. Kaitlyn

AJ takes her down immediately and then does it again. She dropkicks the knee and hits a running knee to the head for the pin at 35 seconds.

Post match AJ goes after Kaitlyn again but here’s Daniel Bryan. He says he’s impressed by her ruthlessness and AJ looks like a little lost puppy. Bryan sees her in a new light and is willing to move past all the angst they’ve had. After he becomes WWE Champion at Over the Limit he’s looking forward to moving on. AJ looks at him and Bryan nods, but Bryan says he’s looking forward to moving on to Kaitlyn. AJ looks completely psychotic and leaves.

Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show

Show corners him and chops the chest. Bryan goes for the knee but it doesn’t do much good. Show chops him again but Bryan manages to take him down with a middle rope dropkick. He hooks the YES Lock….and there’s the bell at 1:28. Ace pops up at the timekeeper’s table and says Bryan wins by submission.

Ace makes Show apologize again and Show is humiliated again. Ace says that on Monday Show better give him a real apology. Way to emasculate the good guys WWE! As Ace is leaving he says that at Extreme Rules, Lesnar destroyed Cena and revolutionized the WWE. In nine nights, he’s going to beat Cena and shake the WWE to its foundation.

Heath Slater is in the ring and says that his opponent looks like a caveman with a pea sized brain. The guy he’s facing tonight hasn’t beaten anyone like the One Man Southern Rock Band. Again, WHAT DOES THAT NAME MEAN???

Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Slater actually gets in some offense but before I can make an NXT joke, it’s powerslam, clothesline and MuscleBuster at 1:15 for Ryback’s latest win.

Teddy Long is guest ring announcer for the next match.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Alex Riley

Teddy has to run off a long list of names for Cesaro such as the Swiss Sensation, His Opponent’s Plight and Aksana’s Delight. Cesaro hits a big boot in the corner and a gutwrench suplex. Riley gets in some jobber offense but the spinebuster is broken up. The European Uppercut sets up that Gotch whatever move for the pin at 2:23.

Post match Aksana reminds Teddy they were just friends but Cesaro is her lover. They kiss and Teddy wants to cry.

Video on Cena’s work with Make-A-Wish, which he wrote an article for USA Today about. Love him or hate him, that’s awesome stuff.

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

The entrances are cut for some reason. Del Rio controls to start but Orton comes back and hits the slingshot into the bottom rope for two. Alberto drapes the arm over the top rope to take over. Hammerlock slam gets two and it’s off to an armbar. Orton gets up and powerslams Alberto but the elevated DDT is countered. He sends Orton to the apron and hits an enziguri for two.

Orton comes back again with the backbreaker but Del Rio kicks him in the arm. Codebreaker to the arm puts Orton down and he loads up the armbreaker, but Orton kicks him off. Elevated DDT from the top rope hits but Ricardo is on the top rope. He jumps right into an RKO which is good for the DQ at 5:22.

Rating: C. I liked this. The story of Orton using his usual stuff to counteract all of the arm work was working for me and even though there was no way Orton would ever tap to the hold, it was interesting watching him counter all that stuff. Then again I’m an Orton fan so that probably has a lot to do with it. Also anyone jumping into an RKO is cool to see.

Del Rio puts Orton’s shoulder into the post and hooks the armbreaker post match.

R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger

This is due to the tag title match that was set up for the PPV. Truth quickly takes over and hits a dancing legdrop for one. AW and company are watching in the back. Mason Ryan is with them now. Swagger comes back with a wheelbarrow suplex for two. He hits Truth’s back a few times but Truth comes back with a DDT to put both guys down. Swagger tries another wheelbarrow suplex but Truth rolls him up for two. Dolph trips up Truth and gets punched and kicked by the champions. Swagger jumps Truth on the floor but Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise. That lets the Little Jimmy get the pin at 3:20.

Rating: D+. Another short match in an annoying series of them tonight. This is your usual formula to set up a tag team title match and I still have yet to find anyone that cares about this match and feud at all. This match was just ok at best but again, with only three and a half minutes to work with, there’s only so much they could do.

We get a piece of the Cena sitdown interview from Monday.

Santino Marella/Zack Ryder vs. Titus O’Neil/Darren Young

Ryder doesn’t even get an entrance anymore. Titus runs Santino over to start and slams him down. Off to Young who hits a neckbreaker and belly to back suplex. Titus suplexes Young onto Santino and it’s off to a Darren chinlock. Santino escapes and tags in Ryder who speeds things up. He hits his usual stuff and the Broski Boot gets two on Darren. Rough Ryder is broken up by Titus and Santino gets clotheslined down while he loads up the Cobra. Young knocks Ryder off the ropes and the Demolition Decapitator (called the Ghetto Blaster) gets the pin at 2:59.

Titus makes Lillian announce the winners again. They say they’ll be the new champions and make millions.

Damien Sandow says he knows his message is going over everyone’s heads but they have no one to look up to. He’ll be the sword of taste and decency, which concludes the interview. You’re welcome.

Brodus Clay vs. Hunico

Hunico and Camacho jump Brodus before the bell. Camacho is thrown out and Brodus starts smiling. There’s the bell and the beating begins. Suplex and splash end this at 54 seconds.

Post match it’s time to dance.

Video on HHH being attacked by Lesnar and Heyman returning to announce Brock quitting on Monday.

Chris Jericho vs. Sheamus

Sheamus takes him into the corner to start and uses the power to control. Jericho misses a charge into the corner and Sheamus knocks him off the apron into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Sheamus hitting the slingshot shoulder block for two. Out to the apron and Sheamus tries to suplex him to the floor, but Jericho drapes the arm over the top rope to take over.

Sheamus’ arm goes into the post and Jericho puts on an armbar back in the ring. The champ fights up but Jericho dropkicks him down. That gets him nowhere as Sheamus makes his comeback. That gets countered also but the Walls are countered. Irish Curse is broken up as is the Regal Roll. The Walls go on but Sheamus is too close to the ropes. He sends Jericho to the floor where Del Rio pops in and sends Jericho into the steps for the DQ at 5:45 shown of 9:15.

Rating: C. Just like last time this was a pretty decent match for the most part as the two of them had chemistry, but I’d like to talk for a minute about psychology. Sheamus has a bad arm, Jericho worked on the arm all match, and then he tried a back hold. I get that it’s his finisher, but sometimes you need to go with the move that makes sense instead of the finisher.

Post match Del Rio puts Sheamus in the armbreaker but Orton comes out for the save. Del Rio takes all three finishers and Orton stares at Sheamus to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This show did a great job at playing up the fourway with only Del Rio looking weak, which more or less guarantees that he’ll be walking out with the title. The short matches were annoying, but they got TEN matches on one show which has to be way up there on the lists of two hour shows. Not a terrible show but it was more for building up later shows than this one, which is annoying but understandable.

Results
Sheamus/Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho/Alberto Del Rio went to a double DQ
AJ b. Kaitlyn – Running Knee
Daniel Bryan b. Big Show – YES Lock
Ryback b. Heath Slater – MuscleBuster
Antonio Cesaro b. Alex Riley – Gotch Style Neutralizer
Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Ricardo Rodriguez interfered
R-Truth b. Jack Swagger – Little Jimmy
Darren Young/Titus O’Neil b. Zack Ryder/Santino Marella – Demolition Decapitator to Ryder
Brodus Clay b. Hunico – Splash
Chris Jericho b. Sheamus via DQ when Alberto Del Rio interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 8, 1999
Location: Civic Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 13,497
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

we’re inching closer to Wrestlemania now with only Raws to go before the big night. At the moment though, the main story continues to be Vince vs. Undertaker with Austin and Rock off in a corner doing their own thing to get ready for the biggest match of the year. You can clearly see what the card should be for Wrestlemania and the build for it hasn’t been bad at all. Let’s get to it.

Oh and for you history people: this show was taped on Tuesday as was almost every other Raw. Before the show, Sunday Night Heat was taped as well. During that show, Indian wrestler Tiger Ali Singh would ask fans if they would do various things for money, including blowing their nose in an American flag. One fan agreed to do so for $5000 but instead used Singh’s Indian flag. Singh attacked him and was belly to belly suplexed. The fan’s name: Kurt Angle, in his WWF TV debut.

We open with a recap from Heat last night with Rock calling out Paul Wight until Austin’s music hit. Rock sent Show to head him off but Austin snuck through the crowd and Stunned the champ.

Here’s Rock to open things up. He has a problem with Paul Wight (whose name needs to change already) and we get a clip of the Stunner from last night. Instead here’s Vince who doesn’t look happy either. He tells Rock to stop airing corporate laundry in public, or else certain corporate members might start wondering what the Rock is smoking. Vince blames the fans for these circumstances for putting such pressure on the Rock. He assures Rock that Wight is a card carrying member of the Corporation in good standing.

Rock believes what Vince is saying but there have been far too many coincidences involving Paul Wight for there to be nothing to all of this. Rock doesn’t like the cards that Wight is carrying, and here’s Wight himself. Wight says that it was Rock who sent him into the aisle to head off Austin, leading to the Stunner. Maybe it’s not worth all of Vince’s money. Maybe he should give the money back and take the Bull and his horns and shove them…..somewhere that we don’t get to hear because Mankind’s music interrupts.

Apparently Mankind is officially the second guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. Did I mention that Russo was booking things at this point? Mankind says that if Rock and Wight want to get it on, he’s more than willing to be the referee for the fight. If you smell what the Sock is cooking that is.

Vince says Mankind isn’t quite the guest referee at Wrestlemania yet. Instead Mankind has to face Austin first (no mention of Mankind winning) right here tonight with Paul Wight as guest referee. Did I mention WWF was OBSESSED with guest referees at this point? Vince offers Rock a spot on commentary for the match. We’re still not done though as here’s Austin with something to say.

Austin says that everyone is out here making rulings which don’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t care about any of these people because no matter who the guest referee is going to be at Wrestlemania or tonight, he’s walking out of Philadelphia with the WWF Title. Simple but effective promo here.

The Ministy is here en masse and looking for the Boss Man. They destroy some jobbers in the locker room.

Austin is talking to Mankind and reiterates that he doesn’t care who the referee is.

D’Lo Brown vs. Owen Hart

This is a street fight because what would a match be without a gimmick right? For the first time we hear about a battle royal on Heat the night of Wrestlemania with the final two men getting a tag title shot. That’s how bad the tag division was at this point. Brown pounds away with what looks like a street sign to start but gets caught by a spinning heel kick to give the Canadian control. A piledriver down onto the sign gets two for Hart.

They head to the floor with Brown being sent into the steps. King is talking about Salty Balls from South Park as they head up the ramp. Brown finally gets in a low blow and a clothesline to put Owen down. They’re on the stage now and Owen comes right back down with a DDT onto the steel. Back to the ring they go with Brown shrugging off the DDT and pounding away with the sign. Both guys find broomsticks from somewhere and ram them together, which puts both guys down for some reason. Jeff Jarrett comes out with a guitar but Brown intercepts it and knocks Owen out cold for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m not wild on this kind of stuff with Brown getting up from a piledriver and DDT onto steel like they were nothing of note at all. That was really distracting in what was just a five minute match. I’m assuming Henry was injured at this point because having it as a handicap feud isn’t quite working at the moment.

There’s a sign in the crowd of D’Lo posing on the ropes and his head slides back and forth. That’s rather awesome.

Taker sends the Ministry out to find the Boss Man.

New Age Outlaws vs. Al Snow/Hardcore Holly

During the entrances we’re told about Hardcore Holly vs. Snow vs. Road Dogg at Mania for the Hardcore Title. Remember that match. Holly pounds on Roadie to start but Snow tags himself in, ticking off the champion. Snow gets in some shots of his own but Holly tags himself right back in. Now Snow and Holly get in a fight over who gets to beat up Road Dogg, allowing Roadie to tag in Gunn. The hardcore guys get in another fight and Snow hits Holly with Head. A spike piledriver on Holly ends this quick.

Post match the lights go out and the Ministry arrives to beat up all four guys. Taker says tonight, Boss Man will come face to face with his maker and the lord of darkness.

Jim Ross gives Steve Williams a pep talk, explaining how great Williams is.

Here’s JR to the arena with a bag in his hand. He asks Cole to get in the ring and says he has a revolutionary idea. JR talks about how this is sports entertainment and not wrestling. He pulls out a red gi, pants and a mask. Apparently this is the gimmick that was created for Steve Williams and that’s a bunch of nonsense. As for Cole, JR talks about how he was the first man to come to Cole and ask if there was anything he could do. Cole never thanked JR for this and now Cole sits there like a little pretty boy. Apparently Cole tried to steal JR’s job so JR kicks him low. Ross gets back on commentary now as this stupid angle continues.

Vince and the Stooges tell Terry Taylor that Cole is off for the rest of the night and to go remove JR from commentary. The Stooges are assigned to watch the Ministry.

Terry Taylor comes out to remove JR from commentary as Ross goes on a rant about wanting to make a living. JR makes Red Rooster jokes and Steve Williams comes out to back JR but he leaves anyway. This is such a stupid angle. Taylor and Lawler are on commentary now.

Ryan Shamrock is on Goldust’s lap in the back and Blue Meanie is jealous of her.

The Stooges go looking for the Ministry in druid attire.

Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Shamrock meets Goldust in the aisle and rams him into the steps before going inside the ring. Now we go in for the bell and Shamrock pounds him into the corner before getting up an elbow to stop a charging Goldust. Goldie gets in a shot to the head and loads up Shattered Dreams, but he sees Meanie kissing Ryan on the floor. The distraction lets Shamrock hit a belly to belly suplex for the fast pin. This was again, an angle instead of a match.

Post match Shamrock beats up Blue Meanie as Goldust escapes with Ryan.

Shane, Test and Chyna are walking in the back.

Brisco and Patterson find some Ministry members and Brisco wants to go in and beat them down.

Test vs. X-Pac

Shane jumps in on commentary. Test LAUNCHES Pac over the top rope to start in a very impressive power display. Back in and Test rolls away from the Bronco Buster but Pac puts the brakes on before crotching himself. A big boot takes Pac’s head off as Shane is his usual VERY excited self. The full nelson slam gets two for Test and it’s off to the chinlock. Pac fights up but gets taken down by a very quick neckbreaker for two more.

We get the stupid “dive into a raised boot” spot from Test and both guys are down. Back up and a quick clothesline gets two for Pac, but he walks into a gutwrench powerbomb for two. Pac comes back with a spin kick as HHH stops Shane from interfering. Chyna gets taken out as well and there’s the Bronco Buster to Test. The melee lets Shane hit Pac with the European Title to give Test the easy pin.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and thankfully we didn’t have to see X-Pac do the giant killer thing here again. This set up Shane vs. X-Pac even more which wasn’t all that bad of a feud for the most part. Considering Shane wasn’t a wrestler, he did quite well in this role. Also his commentary here was somewhere between amazing and really annoying but it worked well enough.

Post match Chyna lays out HHH with a clothesline.

HHH says he’s sick of this and he’s going to drag Chyna to this ring and humiliate her right here tonight.

Patterson and Brisco (with what sounds like Vince’s voice giving them instructions) barge in and find Godfather and his ho’s. Comedy ladies and gentlemen.

HHH is hunting for Chyna.

Steve Blackman vs. Godfather

Before the match, Godfather offers Blackman a choice of either having the match or leaving with the Ho’s. Blackman leaves with the girls. That’s more interesting than the match would have been anyway. Droz tries to run in but gets beaten down…..and here’s the Ministry to take all three guys out. Taker asks how many people have to be attacked until Boss Man shows up. There will be a sacrifice tonight.

Here’s Chyna to the ring to call out HHH. He’s here almost immediately but as HHH gets to the ring, the lights go out and here comes Kane. HHH goes after Kane but Chyna grabs the Game’s arms. Kane loads up a fireball but hits Chyna by mistake. HHH immediately looks after her but Kane shoves HHH away and covers up her face. EMT’s get beaten up as well.

Post break Kane is holding a towel over Chyna’s face in the back.

Tori vs. Luna Vachon

Are you a big fan of someone in the WWF? In just two weeks, you too can be in a wrestling match on Monday Night Raw! Sable is on commentary here. We get some clips of an autograph signing of Sable’s Playboy and there are a lot of people in line. Make no mistake: she was a BIG deal back then. Sable brings King a copy of the Playboy and he freaks out. Luna spears Tori down to start and drops her with a DDT for no cover. Terry doesn’t get to look in the magazine as Luna chokes Tori enough for a DQ. This was another 45 second “match”.

Post match Sable rips off Tori’s Sable shirt. She also takes the Playboy back from King.

Boss Man shows up and is met by Taker but the Ministry surrounds him for the beatdown. WWF does realize that this is the Big Boss Man right?

Post break the Ministry drags Boss Man to the arena and sacrifice him, meaning they tie him to Taker’s symbol. It looks like a crucifixion which is still pretty creepy stuff. Taker says the Corporation will fall until there is only one left and then SHE will fall as well. Boss Man breaks off the symbol and the Corporation comes out for a brawl with Paul Wight cleaning house. The police finally show up and Taker puts his hands out to be arrested, lighting his symbol on fire in the process.

Post break Taker is put in a cop car with Vince talking trash.

Steve Austin vs. Mankind

Rock is on commentary and Wight is the referee. Austin and Wight argue a lot but Austin catches Mankind coming in and they head to the floor. Mankind whips him into the steps to take over as the fans go nuts for Austin. Steve goes face first into the announce table but moves before Mankind can dive off the middle rope to the table. Austin knocks him off the announce table and stomps a mudhole as Rock freaks out. They head back inside with Mankind hitting something resembling a Stunner onto the top rope to put Austin down.

Austin comes right back and crotches Mankind against the post before they head back inside. Mankind apparently is rocking the testicular fortitude tonight because the crotching seems to have had no effect. He pounds Austin right back down to the floor but misses the running knee into the steps. Instead it’s Austin ramming Mankind face first into the steps before heading back inside for a sleeper. A quick reversal by Mankind is countered into a jawbreaker and both guys are down.

Austin misses the running crotch attack in 619 position and an elbow drop gets two for Mankind. Off to a front facelock of all things, which might be the only instance of such a move in this era. Mankind shifts it over into a chinlock instead but Austin fights up into a double clothesline.

Steve gets up first and stomps a mudhole in Mankind before hitting the running crotch attack for two. Mankind puts him down with the double arm DDT and here’s Socko. The Stunner is countered with an elbow to the face and there’s the Claw with Austin on the apron. Wight counts INSANELY fast and Austin is counted out, making Mankind the second referee at Wrestlemania.

Rating: C. Not their best work here as this was mainly random brawling before the screwy ending. This was another match where the ending didn’t make much sense at the time as there’s no reason for the Corporation to want Mankind to be involved in the main event of Wrestlemania at all. I’m sure we’ll get a convoluted answer soon enough though.

Post match Wight chokeslams Mankind as Vince comes out to…..do something that he doesn’t get to do as Austin gets in as well. Wight gets between the two of them, allowing Rock to jump Austin and run. Kind of a lame ending segment here.

Overall Rating: D+. As was the case last week, it’s very clear that Austin vs. Rock is kind of happening in the background of Undertaker vs. McMahon, which would go on for months after Wrestlemania ended. The Boss Man was a horrible choice to put in that spot, especially when you have people like Paul Wight and Kane to fight Undertaker. Kane feuding with HHH makes sense, but for goodness’ sake Wight is fighting to be a guest referee later in the show. Not a good show but at least the world title got some buildup.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Slamboree 2000
Date: May 7, 2000
Location: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 7,165
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

Since I’m running out of PPVs to do and I don’t really have many shows in WCW to do marathons with, I’ll just go chronologically but in reverse of the ones I haven’t done. In other words, I’m doing this show and then Spring Stampede from the previous month and Super Brawl from February so that I have the year 2000 complete. As for this show, it’s 2000 WCW and David Arquette is world champion. Need I say more? Let’s get to it.

 

We open with a clip from Thunder with the New Blood facing off with the Millionaire’s Club in a 22 man battle royal. The winner gets the shot at the Great American Bash. This resulted in Randy Savage returning for his final WCW appearance and Flair winning.

 

The Millionaire’s Club arrives on their bus while the New Blood watches. Old vs. New in a Bischoff company? Surely you jest!

 

Opening video is about Flair vs. Douglas which is a big feud in the mind of Shane Douglas. Oh and other old vs. new matches are here also.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Chris Candido

 

Candido is champion. Tammy does the show me thing because it’s the Show Me state. She does look decent but it’s not quite Sunny levels. Candido is New Blood as is Artist kind of. The New Blood has all titles other than the Hardcore Title which we’ll get to next review. Artist is Prince Iaukea and wrestles in a collared shirt and dress pants. They botch something to start and Candido is launched over the top to the floor.

 

Chris goes up for a big dive and lands on Artist. The fans aren’t all that interested but some of the spots look ok. There’s a ramp again and Artist goes head first into it. Piledriver out there doesn’t work and back in we go. Why did Iaukea keep getting pushed? I mean the guy was nothing special in the ring and his gimmicks never really worked nor were they anything interesting, so why did he constantly have a job?

 

Artist is sent to the floor again as this is a pretty sloppy match. By sloppy I mean it feels like they’re just going through moves with zero rhyme or reason. The moves aren’t anything interesting other than some dives which are ok at best. Back in and Candido hits a low blow to take over again.

 

Artist tries his jumping DDT off the top which misses and they do a horrible looking rollup for two. The fans aren’t pleased to say the least. Iaukea gets a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Tammy and Paisley go at it to distract the referee. Sunny swings for Paisley with a chair and hits Artist by mistake. It gets three and the bell rings but the referee says two. Candido hits a swan dive and now it’s three. Well ok then.

 

Rating: D+. Meh is a good word here and that’s about all there is to say about it. Neither guy is anything interesting at all and the match wasn’t any good either. The botches were pretty bad and it was something resembling heel vs. heel. I have no idea what the point of the Artist was and I don’t think WCW or the fans did either.

 

Tammy gets stripped post match.

 

The announcers make fun of Arquette being champion.

 

Video of Terry Funk getting beaten up a lot.

 

Hardcore Title: Terry Funk vs. Norman Smiley/???

 

Funk is “the one that got away” and is the only champion who isn’t New Blood. It’s a handicap match and Funk goes to find Norman in a bathroom. Norman jumps him with a fire extinguisher which is his first brilliant idea ever. He’s in a Royals jersey and the mystery partner was in the bathroom in a catcher’s mask. Funk is getting destroyed here as Norman keeps throwing trashcans at him.

 

They break through Mean Gene’s interview area and Madden makes pitcher/catcher jokes. We still don’t know who the mystery partner is. Funk realizes he’s fighting a fat guy in a catcher’s mask and Norman Smiley so he goes on offense. Norman is doing everything here as the mystery partner is just standing there. The announcers are pointing out that he’s the worst mystery partner ever so it’s intentional.

 

Funk covers Smiley and the mystery guy is holding a trashcan. He has a bunch of clear shots and does nothing with them. They haven’t been in the arena at all yet. We even get a Bubba the Love Sponge reference from Madden. Norman is gone and Funk beats up the masked fat dude. He beats the mask out of the mystery man and it’s RALPHUS!!! There goes the shirt and Smiley has to make the save with a ladder.

 

They’re in the ring now and the fans don’t really know who Ralphus is. Oh wait I think they do now. The announcers are dying from this and to be fair it’s a comedy match so I think this is all ok. Funk is busted open by “the Hardcore Wiggler”. Norman busts out the Big Wiggle and the fans LOVE it. Now Ralphus wants to wiggle. Oh dear. Terry does the first smart thing of the match and kills Ralphus dead with a chair and rolls up Norman to retain.

 

Rating: C. It’s a comedy match and it didn’t try to be anything other than that. This is one of those matches that you know what you’re getting when you sign up for it and if you’re expecting something else you’ve totally missed the point. The fans were into the idea of this and reacted pretty well to Ralphus once they got what was going on and that’s all they needed to do. This was fine.

 

Norman and Ralphus dance post match and the fans love it. Since it’s WCW though, he was never pushed as anything for the fans because that might make them happy right?

 

Arquette gets here and says he has his own money and doesn’t need his wife’s money. Thanks for sharing?

 

Shawn Stasiak vs. Curt Hennig

 

Ok so the idea here is that Stasiak is known as the Perfect One and he’s openly stealing Hennig’s character. If Stasiak had been more talented, this could have been a decent idea. We talk about how both guys are second generation guys and that Stasiak’s dad held a version of the world title (WWF Title) but no mention is made of Hennig holding the AWA belt.

 

They trade armdrags and it’s some very basic and technical stuff to get us going. The Misfits in Action are at ringside for no apparent reason. They were fired or something but were running in anyway. Stasiak chokes him on the announce table and hits a top rope clothesline for two. The mat is echoing a lot. They go back to the ramp and Hennig can’t slam him.

 

Off to a sleeper by Stasiak and the fans think it’s boring. I can’t exactly say I disagree since this has been a pretty uninteresting match all around. They’re just going through the motions that you go through when you have a wrestling match and it’s nothing interesting at all. Hennig starts his comeback and hammers away with strikes and his back appears to be fine now. Back to the Misfits for no reason. Why do we keep cutting to them? Either way since it’s a Hennig match, he takes a slingshot into the post and the Hennigplex ends this for Stasiak. Stasiak used the Hennigplex to win if that’s unclear.

 

Rating: D. I don’t get this one. Hennig looked like a total joke and the match never started at all for the most part. It’s just boring and the crowd really didn’t care. They seemed to like Hennig and then he got crushed for the most part. This was just a step ahead of a squash, which isn’t what you expect when you have these two in the ring.

 

Scott Steiner seems mad at Russo.

 

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Hugh Morrus

 

Morrus says his name is now Hugh G. Rection. Oh here we go. That’s his REAL name too. Oh dear. At least we get to see Shakira and Midajah with Steiner. Steiner is champion here and hammers away in the corner to start. Rection wants to be called Captain Rection. He sends Steiner to the floor and it’s time to stall. Madden gets in his jokes like Rection is working stiff in there.

 

The girls try to distract Rection and since faces are idiots, it allows Steiner to take over again. Spinwheel kick gets two for the challenger. Top rope elbow gets no cover because as explained earlier: Rection is an idiot. The girls cheat again and crotch Rection because he was stupid enough to go up top right in front of them. Steiner goes for the elbow/pushups but instead of doing the pushups he lunges at the referee. Well he is insane you know. If you didn’t you’ll be told at least 47 times in 5 minutes.

 

A suplex gets two so Steiner yells that the referee sucks. Off to a bearhug as Steiner squeezes the life out of him. Another suplex hits and Steiner stops to argue with a fan. A pretty bad butterfly suplex/powerbomb gets no cover so Rection reverses a tombstone for another non-cover. The girls interfere AGAIN and the moonsault misses. The Recliner ends this.

 

Rating: D. This match sums up both WCW and Russo in a nutshell: it’s not a horrible power brawl but the same stuff over and over again like people needing to cover when they shouldn’t and then the girls running in every 8 seconds keeps the matches from ever getting good. That being said, there’s only so much you can get out of these two, especially when Steiner was all nuts and such. Also, the guy’s name is Hugh G. Rection. That takes me out of the match every time I hear it and that’s not what should happen in a serious match.

 

Booker makes the save post match from a bigger beating.

 

Kanyon says he’s supporting Page and that blood is thicker than water. It’s a promo about how he sees Page as a brother and he’ll never turn on him. In about three months or so, say it with me, HE TURNS ON PAGE. Keep that in mind as we get to the ending of the show because it will make you roll your eyes very hard.

 

Mike Awesome vs. Kanyon

 

This is serious Awesome and not the 70s Guy yet. Awesome put Kanyon through a table to set this up. The fans are all distracted by something else to start so Awesome hits a HUGE dive to the floor, drawing an ECW chant. Kanyon sends him into the post as there’s more energy in this match than the rest of the show combined up to this point. Kanyon hits a running front flip dive off the apron to put Awesome down.

 

Back in and Awesome hits a top rope clothesline for two. Back to the floor and Mike fires off some chair shots to put Chris down. Yes I’m on first name basis with the two dead guys. They fight into the crowd and Awesome keeps the advantage. Back in and we debate the best powerbomb in wrestling with Nash being declared the best. Back to the floor again for about the fourth time and Kanyon gets hit with a chair again. They were using “relaxed rules” at this point which meant they were trying to rip off ECW and the WWF formula in every match instead of just the main events like WWF did.

 

Kanyon crotches Mike on the top and hits a reverse neckbreaker for two. Another neckbreaker gets two. The fans are getting into this quickly. Samoan Drop into a front face drop gets two. Kanyon tries a powerbomb but gets caught in an Alabama Slam for no cover. There’s the regular powerbomb and Kanyon lands on his head. FREAKING OW MAN.

 

Awesome, probably trying to let Kanyon figure out if he’s alive or not, goes outside and pulls the pads back. Kanyon is like screw it and fights back but gets caught by a slingshot shoulder block by Awesome. He loads up the over the top powerbomb but Kanyon escapes, only to allow the American to hit a German to the American (Kanyon) and outside we go again. Awesome sets for something and here’s Nash for the run-in. The rest of the New Blood and Millionaire’s Club come in also and it’s thrown out.

 

Rating: B-. I was liking it but the constant going outside and the stupid ending hurt it a lot. This felt like the main event of Nitro rather than a definitive PPV match. These two had some chemistry together and it was a good match as a result. Keep these two in mind as they’ll be back later on to totally ruin the show in the end.

 

We recap Luger vs. Bagwell for the 8000th time. The idea here is that Russo has “stolen” Liz or something and Luger wants her back. Bagwell is the guy doing the fighting for Russo.

 

Russo tells Liz there’s a surprise coming and that Liz needs to go change her rather sexy dress.

 

Lex Luger vs. Buff Bagwell

 

Oh wait it’s the Total Package. Yeah screw that. Based on the entrances you would think that the stoic Luger is heel and the energetic Buff was the face but it’s WCW so why would logic be in use here? Tony: “Are Kronik the world tag team champions?” Good to see that ace journalism we’ve come to know and love from WCW. Lots of stalling to start as both guys have to pose.

 

Buff takes over and plays to the crowd too much to be a heel. Luger is supposed to be all distracted which is why he’s not destroying Bagwell early on. Then Tony messes up that whole dynamic as he says this is an even match most of the time. Lex gets a suplex for two. Luger takes over and we head to the floor. That lasts only a few moments as Buff hits a double arm DDT for two.

 

And let’s hit that chinlock! Bagwell wastes some time with that and hits a splash of all things for two. This show isn’t particularly horrible but it’s just boring. These are the worst kind of shows because it’s not something that bad but there’s nothing to get excited about or interested in at all. Camel clutch goes on to kill some more time. Bagwell does the Arn Anderson spot where he jumps out of a hold onto Luger’s knees to crotch him.

 

We cut to Russo in the back who says this is the best part. Liz runs in with a bat and whacks Russo in the knees. Good thing there was a ball bat laying around. She comes out with the bat and swings it at Buff but gets caught, allowing Buff to get a shot in at Luger with said bat. Now Liz manages to hit Buff and the Rack ends this because a professional wrestler hitting you in the ribs with a baseball bat isn’t enough to prevent Luger from throwing said wrestler onto his shoulders right?

 

Rating: D. Another pretty weak match here but the point of it was that Lex gets his chick back which was accomplished. Well that and the new feud starting up which we’ll get to here in a second. That being said, it wasn’t a good match. There was way too much stalling and the face/heel dynamic was all over the place. That’s the running theme of this show: not terrible ideas being executed badly.

 

Luger and Liz celebrate and Chuck Palumbo debuts as the New Total Package, complete with the same outfit as the surprise. What a Perfect idea that we haven’t seen before. Palumbo gets a Perfect Torture Rack to leave him there. Liz is stolen again.

 

Shane Douglas rants about Flair because Flair has caused every single one of Shane’s problems in his career. If you don’t agree, just talk to Shane because he can’t go 5 minutes without explaining it to you.

 

Shane Douglas vs. Ric Flair

 

Flair is in street clothes and gets five minutes with Russo if he wins. He insists on having the ropes opened for him because he’s world champion. Not exactly but Flair was never known for sanity. Flair even references ECW and here we go. They chop it out and Flair takes over because that’s what he does. Flair gets slammed off the top and Shane hooks a Figure Four. Shane is no Jay Lethal though so Flair makes the ropes.

 

Ric takes three low blows but chops away again. Another figure four is reversed and Flair gets a Greco Roman Ball Shot to the Franchise and we head to the floor. Flair pounds away for a bit and back inside now. Shane hits a suplex and pulls out his signature chain. Shane hits rolling vertical suplexes which were kind of cool.

 

Flair fights back with his usual stuff and kicks Douglas in the balls a lot. This lack of disqualifications is really getting old as it totally takes you out of the wrestling aspect of the show. Flair goes after the knee and goes for the Figure Four but here’s “Russo” in a Sting mask to hit him with a bat, letting Shane get a rollup for the pin.

 

Rating: D+. I hate to keep giving these not horrible matches such low grades but a lot of them just aren’t that good. The DQ stuff is really getting old because the matches turn into brawls with all kinds of low blows and chair shots and it’s not interesting after about two of them. Flair is in street clothes for no apparent reason and the interference (again) is what ends this one also, just like earlier. Not thrilled with this one at all.

 

Post match, you guessed it: more ball shots. Bagwell is here too. “Russo”, still in the Sting mask, is told to get in the ring. Luger comes out and throws him in but Russo comes up from behind and blasts Luger (who is fine apparently) with something. And “Sting” is David Flair. This would start a LONG feud where David turned on his father for being a bad father and made Russo into his dad. The five minute clock starts while Russo hammers on Flair with the bat. Here’s Nash but Daffney distracts him letting Russo, David and Daffney stand tall after some bat shots. This took way too long.

 

We recap Sting vs. Vampiro. They’re both insane and into the creepy/occult stuff and there were bloodbaths involved.

 

Sting vs. Vampiro

 

They brawl on the ramp to start and Sting hits a quick suplex to take over. Into the ring and Sting hits a missile dropkick and a big dive back to the floor. WHERE HAS THIS STING BEEN FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS??? They go to the announce table and Sting DDTs him on the floor. All Sting so far. Back in the ring and Vampiro comes back with what else, a low blow.

 

Top rope clothesline ala Kane puts Sting down and Vampy goes out to grab a lead pipe. See, this is what I’m talking about. The referee is totally cool with this due to the “relaxed rules.” What does this prove about wrestling? It’s a Russo trademark and it gets really annoying, especially after two hours of it already. They have a quick brawl on the ramp with Vampiro totally in control.

 

The fans chant for Sting so he gets hit by another pipe shot, making it about four or five times now. Vampiro goes for some punches in the corner but gets caught by something resembling a powerbomb out of the corner after, say it with me, A LOW BLOW. Sting fires off some pipe shots and then two Splashes/Death Drops and we’re done.

 

Rating: C. Sting’s athletics made this one as he looked great out there and more fired up than I remember him being in forever in this period. The idea of Vampiro trying to be the new Sting and pushing him as far as he can until Sting overwhelmed him was well done, which is why they feuded for months on end after this right?

 

DDP and Arquette (dressed as Elvis if he was a gay vampire) agree that DDP will do the fighting and Arquette goes up top to hide but he shouldn’t grab the belt.

 

Nash is going Russo hunting.

 

Kidman is with Torrie, Bischoff and Kimberly. He’s ready for Hogan tonight and Bischoff is referee.

 

Billy Kidman vs. Hulk Hogan

 

Eric is referee here and this is Terry Bollea, aka Hulk Hogan according to the announcers. At least Kimberly is hot as a heel. Hogan has Horace with him. This is about Hogan saying Kidman couldn’t headline a match at a flea market so Kidman is all annoyed. Kidman got three fluke wins but this is the blowoff. And never mind Horace as he’s thrown out. Hogan ducks coming in and Kidman takes over.

 

They mess something up and Kidman gets a small package for two. You know for as big as Hogan is, it’s kind of weird to see him against someone that isn’t either as big or almost as big as him. And hey there’s a chair which Kidman is dropped onto ribs first. Hogan is in street clothes (kind of). Here’s something you don’t see every day: Hogan taking a hurricanrana.

 

They go out to the floor and Hogan sends Kidman into the railing to keep up the offense. Kidman sends Torrie into Hogan to shift things back again. It’s weight belt time but Eric steals it and has it “stolen” by Kidman. The fans are behind Hogan here at least. Hogan is like screw this and hits a hip toss over the top. Kidman knows how to bump very well so the flying all over the place makes Hogan’s power look great.

 

Back in Eric won’t count. Belly to back gets no count. Kidman avoids some elbows and stomps away. The idea of Kidman not being able to really hurt Hulk is the right idea because Hogan can’t be hurt by monsters so why should he here? Hogan realizes he’s fighting Billy Kidman and goes for the finish but Bischoff gets in the way of the legdrop. There’s a chair for Bischoff and Hogan gets a pair of tables from under the ring. One of them is broken so Hogan sets it against the ropes.

 

Out of nowhere though Kidman gets in a chair shot and Hogan is busted. To be fair the fans are completely behind Hogan here so the comeback is the right way to go. Kidman misses a chair shot and down goes Bischoff. Hogan puts Eric through a table and here’s a third piece of weak wood. Mark: “WHO PUTS ALL THESE TABLES OUT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE???” Kidman gets a low blow in and puts up another table but the splash through it misses and Hogan gets the easy pin with Horace popping up to move Eric’s hand for him.

 

Rating: C+. Hulk Hogan just had the second best match of the night in 2000. I’m as shocked as you are. It’s not bad here as while it’s a huge mess, that’s the point of a gimmick match and it worked pretty well here. Kidman never went anywhere after this but the match wasn’t all that horrible and it’s fun to see Hogan do something other than a power match.

 

Russo runs from Nash.

 

We recap Jarrett vs. Page vs. Arquette which started with Jarrett getting Kimberly to turn New Blood and let Jeff win the title. Page got the title back so Jarrett took Arquette hostage, resulting in the most ridiculous thing in the history of wrestling: David Arquette won the World Heavyweight Championship. He tried to put it up in the cage match and vacate it but Bischoff made it a three way for no apparent reason.

 

Jarrett says he’ll win.

 

WCW World Title: David Arquette vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

 

It’s a triple cage match where the bottom is like the Cell and there’s a hardcore cage on top of that, which has a bunch of weapons on it. On top of that there’s a cage with a bunch of guitars around it with a cage a single person can fit into. The belt is hanging from the ceiling above that cage which has to be climbed to pull the belt down. It really is an impressive looking structure.

 

While the introductions are going on, a few things should be noted about Arquette: he didn’t want to do this but Russo insisted it was a brilliant idea. Second, every dollar he made from this he donanted to the families of Owen Hart, Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov (recently paralyzed in a match). Before I forget you have to use a ladder to get to the second cage through I’m guessing a trapdoor.

 

The bell rings and Arquette runs. Well at least he’s thinking. Basically you’ll get Page vs. Jarrett for the majority of the match which means it’ll be decent enough. Page gets a clothesline in the ring and calls for Arquette to go up to the top where he misses a splash. Page tries to get a ladder but Jarrett hits a baseball slide to send Page into the cage again. And down goes David as Page sends Jarrett into Arquette into the cage.

 

Page posts Jeff and goes for the ladder and ultimately the second cage. Jarrett is busted open but manages to suplex Page off the ladder. The ladder is in the corner and not set up so both guys are sent into it as is the ladder match custom. Jeff brings in a second ladder and they both start climbing. Page knocks him off and is in the second cage first. Jeff follows quickly and instead of just going through the door he grabs a weapon and gets caught.

 

The floor of the cage they’re in is made of the top of the other cage and has wide spaces, making it easy to slip in. Page is busted also and Jarrett tries to climb the wall, only to get caught. They ram each other into the cage wall and it falls down. Keep in mind they’re on top of something the size of Hell in a Cell. This isn’t exactly on the mat and almost falling to the floor.

 

Hey, I have a great idea! LET’S SET UP A TABLE ON TOP OF A CAGE WITH BIG HOLES IN THE FLOOR! Page gets something like a powerslam through it and both guys are down. The floor is pretty weak but it’s not as bad as a scaffold match. Arquette hasn’t been seen in about five minutes. There he is and here he comes. Arquette goes to the top of the hardcore cage and is totally alone, meaning he could easily retain the title. Since he doesn’t, you might as well hold up a big sign saying SHOCK HEEL TURN.

 

Page sets for a Diamond Cutter on Jarrett on top of the Cell (they’re outside the hardcore cage so it’s almost like the moat of a castle if that makes sense) but Mike Awesome pops in to break it up. There’s a Diamond Cutter for him and Arquette is on top of the third cage. Page and Jarrett go up and head into the guitar room. Jarrett misses a shot as does Page. He hands one to Arquette to play defense with and as both wrestlers climb, say it with me, ARQUETTE TURNS ON PAGE. Jarrett wins the title.

 

Rating: B. Above all else, this match shows the fundamental flaw in Vince Russo’s style: this was a good match and there was zero reason for Arquette to be involved at all. As explained during the match, Jarrett was mad at Page because Page was in Ready to Rumble and he wasn’t. They met in a tournament final at the previous PPV for the title with Jarrett winning and then Page got the belt, making this the blowoff match.

 

DDP vs. Jarrett in a big gimmick cage match (from the movie so it makes even more sense) is more than ok for a PPV main event. They have chemistry together too so the match was going to be pretty good at least. But for Russo that’s not enough so he adds in David Arquette, making it look like any guy off the street (which for Arquette is true from a physical standpoint) can win the title. The title looks bad and instead of WCW having a match that looks like it’s even more crazy and awesome than Hell in a Cell, this match is remembered for David Arquette coming in as world champion. Just let the wrestlers wrestle.

 

Post match Awesome sets for a powerbomb off the cage but Kanyon makes the save. Then Awesome throws Kanyon off the cage and through the ramp, making the announcers all stoic like he’s dead. The shot of Kanyon laying motionless ends the show.

 

Did I mention this is the arena where Owen Hart fell to his death less than a year before this show?

 

Overall Rating: D. This is one of those really hard ones to grade. They’ve done such worse shows that you really can’t call this their worst. Even though most of the matches were pretty weak they were trying and there’s certainly a coherent story to the show. It’s not a good shot to put it mildly but it goes by quick and nothing is atrocious. Most of the bad matches would have been better if the “relaxed rules” hadn’t been in place. This isn’t horrible but other than the main event there isn’t much to see here at all.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the history of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Last night on the forums someone asked if I still enjoyed watching wrestling.  My reply:
Absolutely. Yeah there’s A LOT of stupid stuff and you get tired of sitting through it, and then one night Fandango comes out and the fans start singing his song. Or Brodus Clay debuts as the Funkasaurus instead of another monster. Or you’re expecting some lame celebrity like Justin Bieber to be announced as host of Wrestlemania 27 and instead you hear “IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL”. Or the night after Rock dominates Wrestlemania 27 John Cena challenges The Rock to a match a year later and WWE basically says “Oh yeah. We’re going there!.” Or you see Joseph Park absolutely nailing the rookie lawyer character. Or you watch Raw one night in January and John Cena and CM Punk put on one of the greatest matches of all time on free TV for a spot int he main event of Wrestlemania and you can barely stay on your bed because you’re trying not to scream at them to kick out because you don’t want this to end.Yes wrestling is still fun. You never know when you’re going to see something amazing.

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 6, 2013
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re closing in on Extreme Rules and tonight the main story is that Lesnar, Heyman and HHH are supposed to be in the building. It’s looking like that’s going to main event the PPV and I don’t think anyone really cares to see that. Other than that we’ve got more with Ryback vs. Cena and likely the triple threat match for what used to be the Smackdown World Title. Let’s get to it.

We open with the voiceover talking about Ryback walking out on Cena as well as Heyman and Lesnar at WWE headquarters today with the promise of footage later tonight.

Here’s Cena to open things up, saying that he’s way better than he was last week. He says he’s going to answer the fans tonight using the method of ancient master of Chinese Arts Daniel Bryan: YES it was a bad idea to wrestle hurt last week, NO it won’t stop him from fighting at the PPV, YES he’s mad at Ryback, YES he’s ready for Ryback to do the Fandango, NO the picture of he and Betty White is Photoshopped.

Cena says he’s the WWE Champion and it’s his job to get in the ring every week and perform. He hasn’t been 100% since 2002 but it’s not going to stop him from defending the championship. Cue Vickie to the arena for the first time in awhile that I can remember. She says that the PPV is going to be extreme, like with the cage match between HHH and Lesnar and the triple threat ladder match. Vickie brings out Ryback to get his input on the stipulations for the WWE Title match.

She asks both guys to say what kind of match they want. Cena says how about the winner is the one who runs out of the arena screaming, but that’s giving Ryback too big of an advantage. We could have a whine-off but Ryback would be too big of a favorite there too. We even get a Ryback impression from Cena, talking about international phone cards and fried green tomatoes. In short, Cena doesn’t care what kind of match it is.

Vickie tells off Ryback for walking out last week but says he gets to pick the stips for the title match. Ryback talks about how Cena’s Achilles heel is hurt but his real Achilles heel is his pride. It’s going to be last man standing at Extreme Rules and that’s about it. Ryback just leaves with nothing physical.

We hear about Lesnar and Heyman invading WWE headquarters. It comes off like a breaking news report from a news channel.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton beat Sandow on Smackdown but after the match Sandow hit him with the Terminus, meaning we need a rematch. On the way to the ring, Sandow gives us a song, set to the beat of Voices and talking about how Orton never changes his facial expressions, is covered in oil and is an ignoramus. That was great. Orton jumps Sandow quickly and loads up the Elevated DDT, only to have Damien head to the floor. Back in and Orton hits the backbreaker and the circle stomp as we take a break.

Back with Sandow holding a chinlock but Orton standing up to escape. Some knees to Randy’s ribs set up the Wind-Up Elbow for two for Damien. Back to the chinlock but Orton fights up and hits some clotheslines. The powerslam has Sandow in trouble but he gets an elbow up out of the corner. Damien goes up but jumps into a dropkick from Randy, sending Sandow to the apron. There’s the Elevated DDT and the RKO ends this at 9:26.

Rating: C-. So to clarify: Orton pinned Sandow clean with the RKO on Friday and tonight he beat Sandow clean with the RKO. I’m so glad we got to see this match twice in a row with the exact same thing happening. That’s what I mean when I talk about lazy booking by WWE. We didn’t gain anything from this, we didn’t get anything new, and the writers get to use the same idea without thinking. They benefit while we get bored by these same two matches. Lucky us.

Big Show knocks out Randy as he leaves.

Here’s Jericho with what looks like a new light up jacket. He talks about Fandango, complete with a ton of plays on his name. Jericho has set up a table of judges at ringside tonight and it’s going to be him and Tons of Funk scoring Fandango’s match.

Fandango vs. R-Truth

The brunette dancer is back instead of Summer Rae now. Fandango’s entrance gets a five out of thirty from the judges. Fandango jumps Truth as he starts and dances a bit before putting on a cravate. Truth comes back with the front suplex and ax kick to send Fandango to the floor. Some splits from R-Truth combine for a score of 62/30. Fandango walks out of the match at 1:36. This was an angle instead of a match.

More pictures of Heyman and Lesnar at WWE HQ.

We look back at Smackdown with Bryan losing to Ryback and then being attacked by Shield later in the night.

Bryan says he’s fine physically. Make that fine actually (not a typo). He talks about how Shield is all about justice, which means he’s going to challenge Ryback to a rematch. Ryback pops up immediately and says no to the challenge. Kane pops up and says Ryback can fight him if he wants and I think the challenge is accepted.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler

Non-title of course. Del Rio takes him down with a quick headlock and a hard kick to the back for two. Dolph comes back and stomps away in the corner before hitting a running splash for two. Alberto hits a running kick to the head/shoulder in the corner for two followed by the forearms to the back and the Backstabber. The champ falls to the floor and here come Swagger and Colter. Jack and Langston get in a staredown but Jack walks over to the announce table as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock but Del Rio fighting up into a sunset flip for two. Dolph hits a dropkick for two of his own before dropping a bunch of elbows. Off to a rear naked choke by Ziggler but Alberto escapes and launches the champion into the air. Del Rio misses the running kick to the head in the corner but lands on Dolph, seeming to injure the champ’s head in the process.

Ziggler goes up for something and Del Rio looks like he tries the running enziguri again, only to hit a running fist instead. A reverse superplex to Ziggler puts both guys down and a hard kick to Ziggler’s face get two. The cross armbreaker goees on but an AJ distraction lets Langston break up the hold. Del Rio is launched into Swagger for the DQ at 14:53.

Rating: C+. This didn’t quite do it for me and the booking of the feud continues to bring everyone down. Swagger looks dominant tonight but on Friday he’ll likely lose a match while one of the other guys gets to look strong. This “everyone loses to everyone” booking isn’t doing anyone any good and I know WWE will be SHOCKED when Ziggler wins and still isn’t bought as a legit champion.

Post match Swagger runs over Langston and beats up everyone in sight with the ladder.

We recap Ryback and Cena’s segment from earlier.

More Lesnar photos.

Video on WWE’s deal with Yahoo.

Kaitlyn gets a text from the secret admirer with the other Divas being happy. It turns into a series of Simpsons references until Khali comes up. He’s going to be sent undercover into the locker room to find out who the guy is. They leave and the Bellas show up, seeming very happy.

Shield vs. Usos/Kofi Kingston

Jey and Ambrose start things off with Dean putting Jey into the corner with some right hands. Jey fires back and takes him down before Rollins tries diving off the top, only to jump into an uppercut. Rollins drives Jey into the corner where Reigns gets in some right hands of his own. Off to a chinlock by Rollins as Jey gets beaten down. Reigns comes in and chokes away before it’s off to Rollins for another chinlock. Jey finally gets up and hits a Samoan Drop, allowing for the hot tag to Kofi.

The Shield is knocked to the floor and there’s the Boom Drop on Ambrose for no cover. Kofi misses a charge into the corner but hits some pendulum kicks to Ambrose and Rollins. The springboard cross body gets two on Dean as everything breaks down. Reigns ENDS one of the Usos with a clothesline as Kofi goes up, only to be shoved down by Rollins. Ambrose’s falling bulldog is enough to pin Kofi at 6:45.

Rating: C-. Shield does not need to be used for matches like this one. They’re WAY too important for squashes over a team that shows up once every three months and Kofi. Speaking of Kingston, why did he have to get pinned here? That’s what the Usos are there for, but instead we need to pin the US Champion right? There were NO other options whatsoever in this match at all.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zack Ryder

Cesaro looks like a typical Swiss man now and has thankfully stopped yodeling. Ryder gets hit with the gutwrench suplex and pounded down into the corner. Zack comes back with the middle rope dropkick and that’s about it for the comeback. The Neutralizer ends Ryder at 2:02.

Post match Cesaro says no one can hold a candle to him either in NXT or WWE. He gets Orton on Wednesday so I wouldn’t put much stock into his speech.

Now we get security footage of Lesnar and Heyman arriving at WWE HQ. A lot of these shots are the same ones we’ve gotten all day. Apparently he destroyed HHH’s office.

Here’s Heyman via satellite to show us the footage he shot of Lesnar at WWE HQ this morning. They go inside and see a Sheamus poster and some Andre the Giant stuff (“He’s been dead for 150 years!”) which doesn’t impress Heyman. Heyman and Lesnar go to the fourth floor (executive offices of course, complete with the full elevator ride) and get annoyed at all the poster of WWE Superstars with none of Lesnar in sight. Heyman: “Does anyone work here on Mondays?” They go into HHH’s office (Heyman to the secretary: “You’re not Stephanie. You’re much prettier.”) and assault some assistants.

Lesnar puts the replica World Heavyweight Title on his shoulder and puts his feet on HHH’s computer. Now he breaks the computer in half with his bare hands as this just keeps going. Lesnar takes the sledgehammer off the wall and destroys the desk and some chairs. Lamps are smashed and down goes a TV. This has been going on for like ten minutes now. Heyman leaves a business card and that’s about it.

Heyman talks about how HHH earned that because HHH hit a Pedigree on Heyman a few weeks ago. He holds up the crushed replica world title which is all destroyed from the hammer shots. Heyman talks about how he’s going to make Lesnar destroy HHH in the cage and it’s going to BRUTAL. Cue HHH to the arena as Heyman freaks out. HHH responds to all that by making bald jokes. HHH says he’s extreme too because he was in the Attitude Era. I hate that that time period is such an official concept now.

HHH talks about how his other office is here in the ring and it has a great view. He became a man in this ring which is something Lesnar never did. If Lesnar wants to prove something, he can come say it to his face. In this office, they fight back. That’s how this WAY too long segment ends: with a line that lame.

AJ/Bella Twins vs. Funkadactyls/Kaitlyn

AJ and Cameron start things off with Cameron being taken down with ease. AJ toys with her before putting on a cravate to slow things down. The crowd is eerily silent. Off to Kaitlyn to stare down AJ and get slapped in the face. The Bellas walk away, allowing Kaitlyn to spear AJ down for the pin at 2:23.

Here’s Henry with something to say. He says that he doesn’t have to pretend to be tough like Sheamus does. We get a clip of Henry attacking Sheamus a few weeks ago before Mark challenges Sheamus to a match at Extreme Rules. He promises to make people remember the match and here’s Sheamus to interrupt.

Sheamus says we only saw part of the clip and shows us him getting in cheap shots on Henry last week. Henry says Sheamus better be serious at Extreme Rules but asks to fight right now. Sheamus is ready to go but gets interrupted by Wade Barrett, who apparently is Sheamus’ scheduled opponent tonight.

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

This is joined in progress with Barrett holding a chinlock. Henry is on commentary as well. Sheamus fights up and hits a running knee lift as Henry says Cole is “ate up with stupid.” There are the ten forearms to the chest and Barrett is knocked to the floor. Henry gets off commentary and Sheamus teases throwing Barrett at him but stops, sending Henry falling to the floor.

A Brogue Kick lays out Henry and Sheamus goes back inside with the top rope shoulder for two on Wade. Barrett gets a quick small package and the Winds of Change for two each. The Irish Curse stops the comeback dead but the Brogue Kick misses. A big forearm gets two for Barrett but the Bull Hammer is caught in White Noise. The Brogue Kick ends Barrett at 4:45.

Rating: C. Both midcard champions job in the same night again. The match was the usual physical fight between these two but Barrett jobbing has become an obvious ending to their matches. Sheamus continues to look great in the ring as he has a style that is very easy to adapt to and can work well with any kind of opponent.

Post match Henry whips Sheamus with a belt, meaning we’re likely heading to a strap match. Henry: “I’m gonna beat you like you stole something!”

Jericho vs. Fandango next week.

Now we look at the Lesnar footage AGAIN.

Ryback vs. Kane

They’re doing the whole monster vs. monster stuff here with Ryback slamming Kane down and clotheslining him out to the floor. Kane comes back with an uppercut, only to be thrown into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Ryback holding Kane in a front facelock before hitting a Thesz press on the big red machine. Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner but walks into a spinebuster. A suplex blocks the Shell Shock but the top rope clothesline is broken up twice. Ryback pulls Kane off the top and into the Shell Shock for the pin at 8:42.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as Kane barely ever got anything going. This was a step above a squash, but that’s exactly what Kane is perfect for. Kane can lose this same match thirty weeks a year and he’s still going to be at the same level. Those kind of guys are so valuable to WWE and they’re so hard to get your hands on. Kane and Jericho are certainly up there and they’re very big assets for WWE.

Post match here comes Shield but Bryan comes out to even the odds. Ryback bails so here’s Cena to make it 3-2. Ryback comes back in with a chair but blasts Cena in the ribs with it and lays him out to end the show. He never touched Shield but it didn’t come off like a conspiracy.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a pretty good show….until the Lesnar segment. That segment not only ticked me off, but it dragged this show WAY down. He destroyed the office and nothing more. Why is that supposed to make me want to watch these two fight on PPV or make me care about their match whatsoever? That story dominated the entire show and I can’t think of a single person who is dying to see them fight AGAIN. They’ve been feuding for a year now and odds are it still doesn’t end inside the cage. That’s all Lesnar has done for an entire year now and it’s such a waste of his time and talents.

As for the good stuff…..pretty much everything else. Well not the Ryback/Cena stuff which is showing how far Ryback has fallen since August and is clearly just a filler feud until Shield goes after the world title. Other than that though…..and the midcard champions both jobbing…..I was liking the show. Sheamus vs. Henry is a well done feud, the triple threat is at least getting some decent matches, Cesaro looks dominant again but he gets to lose to Orton on Wednesday…..dang maybe this show wasn’t all that great. The HHH vs. Lesnar stuff is just dreadful though.

Results

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

R-Truth b. Fandango via countout

Alberto Del Rio b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Shield b. Kofi Kingston/Usos – Falling Bulldog to Kingston

Antonio Cesaro b. Zack Ryder – Neutralizer

Kaitlyn/Funkadactyls b. AJ/Bella Twins – Spear to AJ

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett – Brogue Kick

Ryback b. Kane – Shell Shock

 

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David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions
Date: May 6, 1984
Location: Texas Stadium, Irving, Texas
Attendance: 32,123
Commentator: Marc Lawrence

So back in 1984, David Von Erich was allegedly the next in line to become NWA World Champion. Then he died. He had gone on a tour of Japan and complained of a stomach ache and he never woke up that night. According to the official results it was a heart attack but a lot of wrestlers say it was a drug overdose and Bruiser Brody allegedly flushed the drugs down a toilet. Anyway, this is a big memorial show for him and his brother Kerry has a world title shot against Flair. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen. Let’s get to it.

I think this is a hacked up home video version, so things are going to be all over the place and probably clipped a lot.

Also I’ve gotten two different attendance totals and this is the smaller one, but the look of the show would imply it’s more correct than the one I saw that said over 50,000.

Chick Donovan vs. Butch Reed

Reed is a total monster here. Donovan is a surfer character and is built as well. They exchange shoves and Donovan takes him down. It’s so strange to think that this is almost a year before Wrestlemania as things look like they could be from the late 90s. I think we’re clipped a bit as Donovan grabs the leg but I’m not sure. They fight over a top wristlock and Reed takes over. Donovan gets thrown to the floor and the camera jumps around a lot. I think it’s more odd camera work than clipping. Donovan looks to Hulk Up on the floor and comes back in but gets his head kicked off. A gorilla press drop and a shoulder block end this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but I’m really impressed by the production values here. Maybe it’s that I’m so used to everything from the 80s being dark until the very end, but this is a really bright and good looking show. Reed would go on to the NWA and then the WWF later in the 80s and then become half of Doom. Donovan became an announcer I think.

Great Kabuki vs. Kamala

Kabuki is a guy that was far more famous in territories and Japan than in America. His biggest contribution: he introduced Asian Mist to pro wrestling. Kamala I’m sure you’re all familiar with. This is Gart Hart vs. Skandor Akbar in the managing aspect, who are both guys you should know as they’re awesome. Hart (not related to Stu) towers over Kabuki. Kabuki does a nunchuck demonstration before the match.

They stall forever before the match and Kabuki spits Mist. Now they stall even more. We’re at about a minute so far with no contact. Kamala finally gets things going by chopping away. Kabuki kicks a lot as is his custom. The fans have no idea who to cheer for it seems. A test of strength doesn’t happen as Kamala grabs a bearhug instead.

Now it’s a choke which Kamala shifts to a pectoral hold. In other words, he’s grabbing the chest. The managers are about to fight again. Kabuki fights up…and then Kamala pulls him right back down again. A superkick puts Kamala down and Kabuki chokes some too. END THIS ALREADY!!! They chop each other a lot and Kabuki kicks him down as the managers start fighting. They both come in and it’s a double DQ.

Rating: F. I need a drink after sitting through that match. This was HORRIBLE and the ending sucked really hard. Neither guy moved faster than a turtle with a broken leg’s pace and the ending made it even worse. Just a horrible match and I have no idea who thought this was going to be a good idea.

Junkyard Dog vs. Missing Link

Dog was a HUGE star at this point. Missing Link is a crazy man. Link charges straight at him so Dog punches him a lot. A chair is brought in so Dog whacks him over the head with it and that’s all well and good I guess. Akbar is Link’s manager too. Link tries ramming Dog’s head into the buckle and that just fails. Now Link rams his own head into the buckle. They both get on all fours and ram heads which goes to Dog as well. Akbar tries to cheat and it allows Link to hit a middle rope headbutt for the pin? Akbar had the foot for the pin but another referee comes out and says what happened so Dog wins by DQ.

Rating: D-. It’s only really not a failure because Link had a cool look and I liked the insane character he had. The Dog was WAY over and it worked very well to have him here. Not a good match at all though as their styles completely clashed and the ending was even worse with neither guy looking good at all. It was pretty much a squash until the end.

American Tag Titles: Super Destroyers vs. Rock N Roll Soul

The Destroyers are guys in masks and are the champions. Rock N Roll Soul are King Parsons and Buck Zumhofe. This is the top tag title in the company. Akbar manages the champions here AGAIN. The fans are way behind the champions here. Buck and we’ll say #1 start with a crisscross. Off to Parsons and #2 and Parsons works on the arm. A dropkick puts the Destroyer down and Parsons does the JYD all fours headbutt.

Off to the other Destroyer who can’t hurt Parson’s head, just like JYD. Couldn’t they at least have another match in between there so it’s not so obvious? Off to Buck who climbs the ropes with a headlock takeover. Sunset flip gets two. We hit the five minute mark as Buck still has that headlock on. The heels make a blind tag and the other comes in with a dropkick for two.

A kneedrop gets two for I think #1. Those are their names: Super Destroyer #1 and Super Destroyer #2. They would eventually be revealed to be Bill and Scott Irwin. Parsons gets the tag and everything breaks down. Soul gets stereo sunset flips for two. Parsons gets double teamed but he hits his flying hip attack (Goldust used to use it) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This is before 1986 so the tag team formula wasn’t established yet at all. This was pretty much just so they could say something major happened here…which is pretty pointless given the main event but whatever. This was more of a regional thing than a match for the masses if that makes sense.

Six Man Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Von Erichs

Kevin, Mike and Fritz here. The Birds are the champions and the titles are represented by a big trophy instead of belts. Mike is one of the saddest stories you’ll ever hear: He wasn’t a good wrestler in the first place and then he was injured. The injury resulted in toxic shock syndrome, which resulted in brain damage. His dad, Fritz, made him get back in the ring anyway. He committed suicide later in the 80s.

This is anything goes. Fritz is in a dress shirt and jeans. Everything breaks down quickly and chairs are thrown in. The referee says anything goes but you have to tag. Ok then. Kevin is bleeding from the big brawl. Ok so it’s officially Buddy Roberts vs. Kevin to start. Kevin beats him down and it’s a brawl in less than 10 seconds with everyone coming in. Off to Mike who goes straight for the leg.

Mike is a very small man. Hayes comes in and stomps away as the fans HATE him. A middle rope splash misses and here’s old man Fritz. Everything breaks down again and Fritz whips Hayes’ back with a belt. Kevin vs. the monster known as Terry Gordy. Gordy starts his boxing and the fans are erupting more and more every second now. If the Von Erichs win, Kerry gets Fritz’s title since Fritz is retired. I’m glad they cleared that up.

Kevin tries the Iron Claw but Gordy fights it off at the five minute mark. Hayes comes in and the fans are louder in this match than they’ve been in the whole show so far. Hayes takes off his boot to get in some shots and it’s off to Roberts. In one of the oddest moves you’ll ever seen, Roberts thrusts his hips forward so his belt buckle hits Kevin in the head. Fritz comes in and everything breaks down. Claw to Hayes and to Roberts at the same time. Hayes is busted bad. Various people are rammed into each other until Kevin comes off the top with a cross body to pin Roberts for the title.

Rating: C. This was the first decent match of the entire show. Granted a lot of that was probably due to the crowd finally being interested. This was without a doubt the feud that defines the promotion so you knew they were going to have something going on here. Not a bad match, but the rematch in July won Match of the Year from Meltzer, so check that out instead since it had Kerry so Fritz didn’t look so out of place.

Killer Khan comes in post match for the big beatdown. Kerry runs out for the save.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich

You can tell this is a long time ago as Flair is from Minneapolis still. Kerry comes out to some country song that started after the beginning of Tom Sawyer played. His robe says In Memory of David and has a yellow rose, which was David’s nickname. If Flair gets disqualified, Kerry is champion. Kerry overpowers him to start and they hit the mat at a standoff.

They go back to the mat and no one can get control again. Kerry takes over and hits a dropkick to put Flair into the corner. They fight over a top wristlock and Kerry takes over again. This is a long feeling out process to start. Kerry gets a press slam and Flair begs off, heading to the floor. Flair gets in some shots but Kerry is like not in Texas dude. Sunset flip gets two.

Kerry hooks a sleeper but Flair suplexes out of it to take over. The champ uses his regular stuff to control, including the knee drop. Kerry snaps off a dropkick which Flair doesn’t even go down from. Flair gets caught in an abdominal stretch but escapes quickly. Shoulder puts Kerry down but he grabs the Iron Claw. After escaping, Flair goes up top but is slammed down. Kerry escapes a pair of Figure Fours and grabs a backslide for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That’s it? I mean really, that’s it? This wasn’t even 12 minutes long. It came off more like a modern TV main event than anything else. Flair never had Kerry in anything resembling trouble, although Kerry never dominated either. To be fair though, you couldn’t have made this more obvious if you had painted a big sign saying “come see Kerry win the title”. His match with David had been built up already so this was thrown together at the last minute. The lack of hatred hurt it, but there’s only so much they could do here.

The locker room empties for the celebration. Flair says he’ll be back and Kerry says bring it. He would lose the title back to Flair in less than three weeks in Japan, and that’s ok I think as Kerry was never meant to be champion in the first place. Flair would hold it over two years after that.

Oddly enough, that’s not the last match.

Precious/Jimmy Garvin vs. Sunshine/Chris Adams

Basic feud here with Precious having Sunshine as an assistant until she treated her horribly once too often Sunshine snapped. This is the payoff for it. The guys start us off and Adams slams him down. Garvin can’t do much with him due to a lack of talent. After a brief chinlock we get a double clothesline to put both guys down. Superkick puts Garvin down and the girls come in.

They aren’t wrestlers so this is horrendous. Back to the guys and Adams takes over on a tired Garvin. Garvin hits what we would call Snake Eyes to take over. Adams is busted open but he manages to reverse a piledriver. The girls come in again and everything breaks down. Adams comes back in with a sunset flip for the pin as the girls fight to the floor.

Rating: F. Terrible all around, but to be fair the girls weren’t wrestlers. That being said, Garvin is but he couldn’t do anything of note. Adams wasn’t very famous as a wrestler but he brought the superkick into modern wrestling and trained Steve Austin, so he had to be worth something right?

Garvin and Precious run away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time. You had terrible matches other than about two and the rest was just missing. I get that it’s a different era, but would a clean fall have killed you in the first 30 minutes? Also the time is weird as only one match out of seven broke 10 minutes. The whole show is only a little over 70 minutes (granted that’s not counting entrances) so it came off as totally rushed. Not worth seeing, not even for the title change.

 

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Monday Night Raw
Date: March 1, 1999
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 16,566
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re a week later here in McMahon Land and the saga between Vince and the Undertaker continues. We’re also rolling towards Wrestlemania with Rock vs. Austin firmly in sight. Austin is back at the show tonight after doing media stuff last week. The card should start to fill out a bit more now that we’re only a few weeks away from the big show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Bearer giving Vince the teddy last week and Undertaker setting it on fire.

Here’s the entire Corporation to get things going. Vince talks about the end of the show last week and the one moment where he lost control. The fans aren’t pleased with seeing Vince tonight. He talks about how much he loves his family and how the fans don’t get that because they’re amoebas. That kind of embarrassment will never happen to him again, ever. Tonight, Undertaker gets a surprise as well which we’ll find out later. As for Kane, he broke a promise to Vince last week by losing. Therefore, Kane is fired.

The people from the sanitarium come out to get Kane but Chyna goes to the floor with Kane and beats up all the guys in the white coats. Apparently this is a thank you to Kane for saving her last night on Sunday Night Heat. Chyna says Kane can be an asset to Vince because she can control him. She’ll accept responsibility for him and he should get Austin tonight. If he loses, he can be fired. Vince says deal, but Chyna’s job is on the line too.

This brings out Mankind who still wants to be guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. He can prove his skills by refereeing the Kane vs. Austin match but Vince doesn’t seem interested. McMahon offers to let Mankind referee tonight’s main event if he can beat Undertaker first. Mankind accepts but there go the lights. Cue Undertaker’s voice which says he’s coming for Vince.

Ryan Shamrock is seen adjusting her short dress while leaving a locker room.

Austin is told he’s facing Kane and he doesn’t seem to care.

Intercontinental Title: Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Val is defending and this is supposed to have Billy Gunn as well but he’s got a lung condition or something like that. Val charges right in at Shamrock and Goldie jumps Ken from behind for some double teaming. Cue Ryan Shamrock as Ken gets caught in a spinebuster for two by Val.

Goldust takes Val into the corner and rubs his own chest, only to get caught by a low blow from the champion. Now it’s Val getting double teamed down in the corner but as usual Goldust and Ken get in a fight over who gets to cover. Goldie is sent to the floor but as Ken is about to finish off Val, Goldust kisses Ryan. Ken goes after him and both guys are counted out. In a triple threat?

Rating: D. As usual, more matches used to advance angles instead of the other way around for Russo. The idea is that Ryan has had moments with everyone and the question would be who would she side with at Wrestlemania. It’s a decent enough story that would be copied with AJ Lee in the year 2012, but things will get messed up soon.

Post match Billy Gunn runs out and jumps Venis.

Jim Ross is back from his bout with Bell’s Palsy (facial paralysis) and will return tonight.

Here’s JR (nice ovation) to interview Bart Gunn. JR asks him about his Brawl for All at Wrestlemania….before complaining about Bart not looking straight at him. Ross’ mouth is a bit messed up and he goes into a rant about being told he couldn’t be on TV because his face was messed up.

Bart wants to know what this has to do with him and JR rants more about how Bart Gunn knocked out Steve Williams. Steve and JR are friends so it was a big embarrassment to Ross. He shoves Bart and demands respect before slapping Gunn in the face. Gunn shoves him into the corner until Williams shows up to destroy Bart. Yep, they’re turning JIM ROSS heel. This would happen more than once.

D’Lo Brown is talking to Ivory in the back about something.

Tag Titles: HHH/X-Pac vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

DX is accepting an open challenge and if they win the titles, Debra will disrobe. HHH and Pac clear the ring to start until we get down to Jarrett vs. Pac. A big heel kick takes Jeff down for no cover and it’s off to HHH. HHH misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Owen. Things are moving very fast so far here. A facebuster puts Hart down but Jeff breaks up the Pedigree. Back to Jarrett who misses the running crotch attack in 619 position but Owen comes in with a sleeper to keep HHH in trouble.

A jawbreaker breaks up the hold and there’s the hot tag to X-Pac. The X-Factor gets two on Jeff as everything breaks down. There’s the Bronco Buster to Jeff followed by another X-Factor but Debra distracts the referee. Debra gets knocked off and Shane McMahon pops in to send Pac into the steps. Owen breaks up a Pedigree as Ivory shows up. The match is finally thrown out due to all the insanity.

Rating: C-. I was digging this until the WAY overdone ending. It’s a four and a half minute tag match and we had two run ins and manager interference. Was there any need to have anything other than a big brawl to end the match via DQ after Debra got on the apron? Shane and Ivory could have easily done their run ins after the match, but why have a match when you can have multiple angles?

Post match D’Lo Brown jumps the tag champions and Ivory strips Debra down to her underwear.

After a break Debra challenges Ivory for later tonight. As in an actual match. I’m shocked too.

Here are Luna and Tori who are apparently friends now after last week. Luna says that now Tori is a fan of hers and Luna is a fan of Tori. They’re standing up for the fans that Sable has scorned to get to the top and tonight, Luna is bringing Sable back down to earth. Sable comes out and Tori turns on Luna about two minutes after joining her. Sable powerbombs Luna for good measure. Tori offers Sable a high five and Sable walks away.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Road Dogg

I miss these random title matches. They give you a reason to watch because while a title change isn’t likely, you never quite know. Rock pounds away to start but walks into a dropkick out of nowhere. Dogg gets a boot up in the corner but gets caught in a DDT for two. Here’s Paul Wight for no apparent reason as Rock keeps pounding Dogg down. They head over to the announce table and Rock does some commentary. Apparently when you check into the Smackdown Hotel you get a complementary fist in the mouth.

Back in and a Russian legsweep gets two for Rock and Paul Wight adds in a headbutt for good measure. A Samoan Drop stops Roadie’s comeback bid but Rock misses a charge into the corner. Dogg hits his usual stuff like the Juke and Jive followed by the shaky knee drop. Not that it matters though as it’s Rock Bottom and the Elbow for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here but Rock was entertaining as always. I liked the idea here of throwing Road Dogg out there to make Rock look good. It’s not like Road Dogg loses anything from this because Rock is at a far higher level than he is, so why not give us something simple like this?

Post match here’s Al Snow (“A schizophrenic psychopath from Lima, Ohio whose hobbies are Hardcore Title matches and needlepoint!”) with a chair. He complains about Dogg making him job, but Dogg takes the chair away and cracks Snow in the head with it a few times. Hardcore Holly, the Hardcore Champion, comes out but gets a chair to the head as well. Dogg leaves, saying they can meet him in the parking lot if they like.

Chyna gives Kane a pep talk.

Dogg is in the parking lot with a broken broomstick and is waiting for Snow and Holly.

Here’s Public Enemy dressed up as the Brood for some reason. They say they’re not afraid of the blood….and there go the lights. They come back on and Grunge is alone in the ring minus Flyboy.

We go to the back where Dogg and Holly are fighting. After a break they’re still fighting with Holly throwing Dogg into whatever he can find at the moment. This isn’t a match of any kind. You can hear a bell ringing in the arena and apparently a match started while this was going on.

Droz vs. Steve Blackman

This is a kendo stick match, meaning you win by knocking your opponent off your feet. They hit each other a few times and head to the floor before hitting each other again. Droz is knocked down but there’s no referee. Instead Droz knocks Blackman down and wins in maybe 40 seconds. Was there a point to this at all?

Dogg and Holly are on a set of stairs now with Holly in control. They head up the stairs and Dogg is thrown out the door. Cue Al Snow to jump both guys and they brawl into the street (after looking both ways of course).

Video on Shane McMahon being tough.

We see Rocko strung up with blood all over him. As in I thought he was wearing a red shirt until I saw a few spots of white.

Here’s Vince for commentary for the next match. As he sits down, he casually throws out that it’s Undertaker vs. Boss Man inside Hell in a Cell at Wrestlemania.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Vince still won’t answer what the bear means. They trade right hands in the corner with Undertaker hitting a running clothesline to take over. Mankind avoids an elbow and pounds away but misses a charge into the corner. Taker works on the shoulder which hit the post but as he launches Old School Mankind grabs the Mandible Claw.

They head to the floor with Undertaker being sent into the steps. Mankind hitting a running knee to slam Taker’s head into the steps and Vince sounds like a thirteen year old opening his first Playboy. Vince gets up for some reason, allowing Taker to get in a chair shot to Mankind’s back. We have a double countout apparently.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad for a four minute match and this pairing is always worth seeing even in the short form. Again though, this was all about the story going on instead of the match which gets really annoying to see after awhile. On top of that, Boss Man vs. Undertaker did nothing for anyone and the announcement didn’t help anything.

Post match Undertaker goes after Vince but Boss Man comes out with a nightstick shot to break up a chokeslam through the table. The Ministry runs him off so Mankind gets chokeslammed.

The Corporation bails out.

Ivory vs. Debra

Jarrett and Hart are ejected before we get going. Ivory immediately chokes her down but here are Terri and Jackie for the DQ. Jackie lost to Ivory on Heat last night.

Kane vs. Steve Austin

If Kane loses he and Chyna are fired. Austin goes right after him to start and they slug it out in the corner. A backdrop puts Austin down before he can even get out of his vest. Kane charges into a boot in the corner and Austin wraps the knee around the post. Austin stays on the leg and the fans are WAY behind him here. Kane guillotines him on the top rope and gets two off a DDT.

The match slows down a bit as Kane pounds on Austin’s chest on the floor only to be sent into the steps. Chyna hits Austin from behind and Austin goes after her, only to catch a charging Kane in a backdrop over the barricade and into the crowd. Well you knew we were getting some brawling in an Austin match. Back to ringside and Kane rams Austin back first into the post before dropping him face first onto the barricade.

Chyna gets in some shots before Kane slams Austin face first into the steps. We head back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Kane as the crowd has calmed down a good bit. Austin tries a sleeper but Kane is just too tall. Off to a bearhug by Kane but Austin punches out. The Stunner is countered and the referee goes down, but Austin escapes the tombstone bid and hits the second Stunner attempt.

Chyna breaks up the cover at two but Kane breaks up a Stunner on her. A belly to back suplex puts Austin down and here’s Paul Wight. The top rope clothesline hits Austin for two and Kane pounds away in the corner. The crowd is getting back into it again and there’s a low blow to Kane. Austin stomps a mudhole and hits the Thesz Press as Wight slides in a chair. Two chair shots to Kane’s head puts him down but that’s not a DQ. Chyna hits Austin low but that’s not one either. Now Kane holds Austin for Wight but the giant kicks the smaller giant by mistake. Austin walks out to end the show and Kane/Chyna keep their jobs.

Rating: B-. This was a rather fun main event as these two had some decent chemistry together. The problem for them is they never really got a chance to work together all that much as their most famous match is a gimmick match and all about drama instead of action. I likes this a lot more than I thought I would have.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a good example of the adage about Russo being true: when he has the talent to work with and someone to stop him from charging off a cliff, he would put together some very entertaining television. There were a lot of stories going on here and the build for Wrestlemania is starting to come together. The one guy being left out of it though is Austin. He hasn’t interacted with Rock in weeks, he wasn’t here last week and he was thrown into the main event tonight as a warm body for Kane and Chyna’s issues. That’s a really strange use of the top guy in the company.

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At least in North America.  According to Meltzer, it had 750,000 North American buys, putting it slightly ahead of last year’s show.  It also made approximately $5 million more than last year.

 

WWE really is dying with Cena on top though.  No one would EVER pay to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania in a match where it was pretty obvious he was winning the title.

 

I’m rather surprised but also rather pleased with these results so far.

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

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