Monday Night Raw
Date: March 1, 1999
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 16,566
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re a week later here in McMahon Land and the saga between Vince and the Undertaker continues. We’re also rolling towards Wrestlemania with Rock vs. Austin firmly in sight. Austin is back at the show tonight after doing media stuff last week. The card should start to fill out a bit more now that we’re only a few weeks away from the big show. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Bearer giving Vince the teddy last week and Undertaker setting it on fire.

Here’s the entire Corporation to get things going. Vince talks about the end of the show last week and the one moment where he lost control. The fans aren’t pleased with seeing Vince tonight. He talks about how much he loves his family and how the fans don’t get that because they’re amoebas. That kind of embarrassment will never happen to him again, ever. Tonight, Undertaker gets a surprise as well which we’ll find out later. As for Kane, he broke a promise to Vince last week by losing. Therefore, Kane is fired.

The people from the sanitarium come out to get Kane but Chyna goes to the floor with Kane and beats up all the guys in the white coats. Apparently this is a thank you to Kane for saving her last night on Sunday Night Heat. Chyna says Kane can be an asset to Vince because she can control him. She’ll accept responsibility for him and he should get Austin tonight. If he loses, he can be fired. Vince says deal, but Chyna’s job is on the line too.

This brings out Mankind who still wants to be guest referee in the main event of Wrestlemania. He can prove his skills by refereeing the Kane vs. Austin match but Vince doesn’t seem interested. McMahon offers to let Mankind referee tonight’s main event if he can beat Undertaker first. Mankind accepts but there go the lights. Cue Undertaker’s voice which says he’s coming for Vince.

Ryan Shamrock is seen adjusting her short dress while leaving a locker room.

Austin is told he’s facing Kane and he doesn’t seem to care.

Intercontinental Title: Val Venis vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

Val is defending and this is supposed to have Billy Gunn as well but he’s got a lung condition or something like that. Val charges right in at Shamrock and Goldie jumps Ken from behind for some double teaming. Cue Ryan Shamrock as Ken gets caught in a spinebuster for two by Val.

Goldust takes Val into the corner and rubs his own chest, only to get caught by a low blow from the champion. Now it’s Val getting double teamed down in the corner but as usual Goldust and Ken get in a fight over who gets to cover. Goldie is sent to the floor but as Ken is about to finish off Val, Goldust kisses Ryan. Ken goes after him and both guys are counted out. In a triple threat?

Rating: D. As usual, more matches used to advance angles instead of the other way around for Russo. The idea is that Ryan has had moments with everyone and the question would be who would she side with at Wrestlemania. It’s a decent enough story that would be copied with AJ Lee in the year 2012, but things will get messed up soon.

Post match Billy Gunn runs out and jumps Venis.

Jim Ross is back from his bout with Bell’s Palsy (facial paralysis) and will return tonight.

Here’s JR (nice ovation) to interview Bart Gunn. JR asks him about his Brawl for All at Wrestlemania….before complaining about Bart not looking straight at him. Ross’ mouth is a bit messed up and he goes into a rant about being told he couldn’t be on TV because his face was messed up.

Bart wants to know what this has to do with him and JR rants more about how Bart Gunn knocked out Steve Williams. Steve and JR are friends so it was a big embarrassment to Ross. He shoves Bart and demands respect before slapping Gunn in the face. Gunn shoves him into the corner until Williams shows up to destroy Bart. Yep, they’re turning JIM ROSS heel. This would happen more than once.

D’Lo Brown is talking to Ivory in the back about something.

Tag Titles: HHH/X-Pac vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

DX is accepting an open challenge and if they win the titles, Debra will disrobe. HHH and Pac clear the ring to start until we get down to Jarrett vs. Pac. A big heel kick takes Jeff down for no cover and it’s off to HHH. HHH misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Owen. Things are moving very fast so far here. A facebuster puts Hart down but Jeff breaks up the Pedigree. Back to Jarrett who misses the running crotch attack in 619 position but Owen comes in with a sleeper to keep HHH in trouble.

A jawbreaker breaks up the hold and there’s the hot tag to X-Pac. The X-Factor gets two on Jeff as everything breaks down. There’s the Bronco Buster to Jeff followed by another X-Factor but Debra distracts the referee. Debra gets knocked off and Shane McMahon pops in to send Pac into the steps. Owen breaks up a Pedigree as Ivory shows up. The match is finally thrown out due to all the insanity.

Rating: C-. I was digging this until the WAY overdone ending. It’s a four and a half minute tag match and we had two run ins and manager interference. Was there any need to have anything other than a big brawl to end the match via DQ after Debra got on the apron? Shane and Ivory could have easily done their run ins after the match, but why have a match when you can have multiple angles?

Post match D’Lo Brown jumps the tag champions and Ivory strips Debra down to her underwear.

After a break Debra challenges Ivory for later tonight. As in an actual match. I’m shocked too.

Here are Luna and Tori who are apparently friends now after last week. Luna says that now Tori is a fan of hers and Luna is a fan of Tori. They’re standing up for the fans that Sable has scorned to get to the top and tonight, Luna is bringing Sable back down to earth. Sable comes out and Tori turns on Luna about two minutes after joining her. Sable powerbombs Luna for good measure. Tori offers Sable a high five and Sable walks away.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Road Dogg

I miss these random title matches. They give you a reason to watch because while a title change isn’t likely, you never quite know. Rock pounds away to start but walks into a dropkick out of nowhere. Dogg gets a boot up in the corner but gets caught in a DDT for two. Here’s Paul Wight for no apparent reason as Rock keeps pounding Dogg down. They head over to the announce table and Rock does some commentary. Apparently when you check into the Smackdown Hotel you get a complementary fist in the mouth.

Back in and a Russian legsweep gets two for Rock and Paul Wight adds in a headbutt for good measure. A Samoan Drop stops Roadie’s comeback bid but Rock misses a charge into the corner. Dogg hits his usual stuff like the Juke and Jive followed by the shaky knee drop. Not that it matters though as it’s Rock Bottom and the Elbow for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here but Rock was entertaining as always. I liked the idea here of throwing Road Dogg out there to make Rock look good. It’s not like Road Dogg loses anything from this because Rock is at a far higher level than he is, so why not give us something simple like this?

Post match here’s Al Snow (“A schizophrenic psychopath from Lima, Ohio whose hobbies are Hardcore Title matches and needlepoint!”) with a chair. He complains about Dogg making him job, but Dogg takes the chair away and cracks Snow in the head with it a few times. Hardcore Holly, the Hardcore Champion, comes out but gets a chair to the head as well. Dogg leaves, saying they can meet him in the parking lot if they like.

Chyna gives Kane a pep talk.

Dogg is in the parking lot with a broken broomstick and is waiting for Snow and Holly.

Here’s Public Enemy dressed up as the Brood for some reason. They say they’re not afraid of the blood….and there go the lights. They come back on and Grunge is alone in the ring minus Flyboy.

We go to the back where Dogg and Holly are fighting. After a break they’re still fighting with Holly throwing Dogg into whatever he can find at the moment. This isn’t a match of any kind. You can hear a bell ringing in the arena and apparently a match started while this was going on.

Droz vs. Steve Blackman

This is a kendo stick match, meaning you win by knocking your opponent off your feet. They hit each other a few times and head to the floor before hitting each other again. Droz is knocked down but there’s no referee. Instead Droz knocks Blackman down and wins in maybe 40 seconds. Was there a point to this at all?

Dogg and Holly are on a set of stairs now with Holly in control. They head up the stairs and Dogg is thrown out the door. Cue Al Snow to jump both guys and they brawl into the street (after looking both ways of course).

Video on Shane McMahon being tough.

We see Rocko strung up with blood all over him. As in I thought he was wearing a red shirt until I saw a few spots of white.

Here’s Vince for commentary for the next match. As he sits down, he casually throws out that it’s Undertaker vs. Boss Man inside Hell in a Cell at Wrestlemania.

Undertaker vs. Mankind

Vince still won’t answer what the bear means. They trade right hands in the corner with Undertaker hitting a running clothesline to take over. Mankind avoids an elbow and pounds away but misses a charge into the corner. Taker works on the shoulder which hit the post but as he launches Old School Mankind grabs the Mandible Claw.

They head to the floor with Undertaker being sent into the steps. Mankind hitting a running knee to slam Taker’s head into the steps and Vince sounds like a thirteen year old opening his first Playboy. Vince gets up for some reason, allowing Taker to get in a chair shot to Mankind’s back. We have a double countout apparently.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t bad for a four minute match and this pairing is always worth seeing even in the short form. Again though, this was all about the story going on instead of the match which gets really annoying to see after awhile. On top of that, Boss Man vs. Undertaker did nothing for anyone and the announcement didn’t help anything.

Post match Undertaker goes after Vince but Boss Man comes out with a nightstick shot to break up a chokeslam through the table. The Ministry runs him off so Mankind gets chokeslammed.

The Corporation bails out.

Ivory vs. Debra

Jarrett and Hart are ejected before we get going. Ivory immediately chokes her down but here are Terri and Jackie for the DQ. Jackie lost to Ivory on Heat last night.

Kane vs. Steve Austin

If Kane loses he and Chyna are fired. Austin goes right after him to start and they slug it out in the corner. A backdrop puts Austin down before he can even get out of his vest. Kane charges into a boot in the corner and Austin wraps the knee around the post. Austin stays on the leg and the fans are WAY behind him here. Kane guillotines him on the top rope and gets two off a DDT.

The match slows down a bit as Kane pounds on Austin’s chest on the floor only to be sent into the steps. Chyna hits Austin from behind and Austin goes after her, only to catch a charging Kane in a backdrop over the barricade and into the crowd. Well you knew we were getting some brawling in an Austin match. Back to ringside and Kane rams Austin back first into the post before dropping him face first onto the barricade.

Chyna gets in some shots before Kane slams Austin face first into the steps. We head back inside and a backbreaker gets two for Kane as the crowd has calmed down a good bit. Austin tries a sleeper but Kane is just too tall. Off to a bearhug by Kane but Austin punches out. The Stunner is countered and the referee goes down, but Austin escapes the tombstone bid and hits the second Stunner attempt.

Chyna breaks up the cover at two but Kane breaks up a Stunner on her. A belly to back suplex puts Austin down and here’s Paul Wight. The top rope clothesline hits Austin for two and Kane pounds away in the corner. The crowd is getting back into it again and there’s a low blow to Kane. Austin stomps a mudhole and hits the Thesz Press as Wight slides in a chair. Two chair shots to Kane’s head puts him down but that’s not a DQ. Chyna hits Austin low but that’s not one either. Now Kane holds Austin for Wight but the giant kicks the smaller giant by mistake. Austin walks out to end the show and Kane/Chyna keep their jobs.

Rating: B-. This was a rather fun main event as these two had some decent chemistry together. The problem for them is they never really got a chance to work together all that much as their most famous match is a gimmick match and all about drama instead of action. I likes this a lot more than I thought I would have.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a good example of the adage about Russo being true: when he has the talent to work with and someone to stop him from charging off a cliff, he would put together some very entertaining television. There were a lot of stories going on here and the build for Wrestlemania is starting to come together. The one guy being left out of it though is Austin. He hasn’t interacted with Rock in weeks, he wasn’t here last week and he was thrown into the main event tonight as a warm body for Kane and Chyna’s issues. That’s a really strange use of the top guy in the company.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

At least in North America.  According to Meltzer, it had 750,000 North American buys, putting it slightly ahead of last year’s show.  It also made approximately $5 million more than last year.

 

WWE really is dying with Cena on top though.  No one would EVER pay to see him in the main event of Wrestlemania in a match where it was pretty obvious he was winning the title.

 

I’m rather surprised but also rather pleased with these results so far.

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Judgment Day 2007
Date: May 20, 2007
Location: Scottrade Center, St. Louis, Missouri
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Taz, Joey Styles, Jerry Lawler, John Bradshaw Layfield

 

This is during the time where they really didn’t know a lot about what they were doing. Cena is in the middle of his one year title reign and the main event is him vs. Khali who is undefeated at this point. Other than that the show is packed as we’re in the tri-branded shows again. We also have Team McMahon (Vince/Shane/Umaga) vs. Lashley for the ECW Title and Edge vs. Batista for the Smackdown title. Let’s get to it.

 

The video is about those three matches and how we don’t know what happens to us after we die. Ozzy Osbourne does the theme music here so I can’t complain much.

 

We have six commentators. Good freaking grief.

 

Ric Flair vs. Carlito

 

I think I vaguely remember Flair tutoring Carlito so I’d assume this is the blowoff for it. Flair chops and hammers away so hair boy hits the floor. Carlito gets a shot in to the arm to introduce some psychology. We enter into some arm work as Carlito amazes me with how lazy he got. Not in this match but in general. The fans get behind Flair of course in a wrestling town like this one.

 

Flair’s arm goes around the post as Naitch is in trouble. Carlito keeps mixing things up on the arm which is such a nice perk. It gets painfully boring to see someone use the same move over and over again. Putting an armbar on is fine but do other stuff too. More arm stuff follows as we’ve been doing for about five minutes now. Dropkick gets two.

 

Flair comes back with one arm chops but gets caught in a backdrop for two. Back to the armbar but Flair comes back with one arm. Good selling here by Flair. Backstabber doesn’t work and it’s time to go after the leg. This doesn’t take long as the Figure Four goes on and we’re done in just a few seconds.

 

Rating: B-. I rather liked this actually with Flair selling the arm well. The flaw to it was that once Flair woke up the arm didn’t really play much of a role in this as Flair does most of his stuff with one arm anyway. Still though, not bad as Flair teaches the brash young punk a lesson and wins clean. I do kind of question him winning here though but oh well.

 

We recap Shawn’s head injury which is a result of Khali chokebombing him through a table. With a concussion Shawn managed to beat Edge on Raw but Orton popped up post match to punt him, meaning his head is even worse.

 

Shawn tries to talk but gets jumped by Orton and sent into the set, messing him up again. They have a scheduled match later tonight.

 

We recap Team McMahon vs. Lashley which is fallout from Mania and Vince’s haircut. Vince won the ECW Title at Backlash, ticking off every ECW fanboy on the planet. He was still bald at this point so he has a bandana on. You can’t say they’re not pushing Lashley at this point. Basically it’s a handicap feud to make Lashley look like a monster.

 

ECW Title: Team McMahon vs. Bobby Lashley

 

It’s Umaga, Vince and Shane if you forgot. Lashley had a legit injury at Backlash so he’s rather limited in what he can do. He wouldn’t be able to take time off until July though, which was his last match for the company. The belt looks like a toy at this point. They would trade it in for the big one they finished the brand with soon. Lashley has generic rock theme 19 here.

 

Lashley cleans house to start, getting a BIG pop when he gets his hands on Vince. Almost no reaction at all for the other two. We finally get down to Shane vs. Lashley which goes badly for the boy wonder. Umaga misses a corner splash as it hits Shane, allowing a powerslam to pin Shane to give Lashley his second ECW Title in about 75 seconds.

 

And never mind as Vince says it doesn’t count as he didn’t pin Vince. Umaga beats Lashley down post match. Lashley would get it back for real next month before having to drop it due to being drafted to Raw. Then it would be put up in a mini-tournament which was supposed to be won by Benoit. I think you guys know the story there.

 

Shawn is checked out by a trainer and is told he can’t compete.

 

CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

 

Burke is more known as the Pope now. Punk has heavily taped ribs and IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!!! Burke wanted Punk in the ECW New Breed but Punk said no, so here’s a match. Basically Elijah is just a loudmouth at this point and is overly cocky. He’s a rare example of TNA taking a guy and doing FAR better with him than WWE did. The fans are behind Punk here.

 

Nothing of note to start other than some striking and Punk throwing on a chinlock. That makes sense here as he’s trying to conserve wind due to the ribs being injured. Punk keeps firing off kicks and adds a suplex for two. British Bulldog suplex gets two and we hit the chinlock, both by Punk if that wasn’t clear. That doesn’t last long as Punk hits a springboard reverse cross body for two.

 

Burke finally gets to the ribs and Punk can’t get the knee in the corner. Punk is noving very gingerly because of the ribs. GTS can’t hit so he settles for a springboard dropkick to send Burke to the floor. This has been almost all Punk for the first 8 minutes and he adds a suicide dive to the floor to continue his advantage. Burke manages to pull him off the top in almost a powerbomb style move and it’s time to work on the bad ribs.

 

Off to the body scissors and the fans chant for JBL for absolutely no reason at all. See, in contrast to the opener with Carlito doing a bunch of different stuff to Flair’s arm, Burke is using the same body scissors the entire time. There are TONS of moves and holds to use on the ribs but he uses the same one. Big difference and it made me enjoy the Carlito stuff more.

 

Punk gets out of it and they head to the corner. Superplex by Punk has both guys in EXTREME (it’s an ECW match so you have to capitalize that word) agony. Punk is up first and starts firing off strikes. Enziguri gets two. Knee in the corner hits this time but he can’t get the bulldog. Elijah Express (double knee in the corner) misses as does the GTS and an STO gets two for Burke. Double knees his this time and Punk is caught in the Tree of Woe for a bit before the cover only gets two. Punk reverses another STO and the GTS hits for the pin. We even get a faster count as per ECW tradition.

 

Rating: B. Good match here as they had a lot of time and it paid off in the end. Burke isn’t a guy that I was ever a fan of in WWE but this was a very good outing from him. Then again being in there with him probably didn’t hurt things at all. Punk would of course become a far bigger deal than Burke in WWE but that was to be expected.

 

Edge brags about beating Undertaker and how it’s his world title, not Batista’s. Interesting that all three are more or less retired at this point.

 

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Shawn has the head injury remember. Randy gets a face pop and isn’t hearing voices yet. Orton wants the forfeit win but here’s Shawn. Uh…maybe just his music. Oh there he is, barely able to stand up straight. He doesn’t do his pyro and can barely keep his eyes open. Dude, what did I tell you about chilling with the Hardys? The referee tries to talk him out of it and Shawn says ring the bell.

 

Orton drills him in the head as it rings and Shawn is in big trouble early. Oh we’re in St. Louis. That’s why he got the face pop. Elevated DDT gets two more than once. Shawn is gone and Orton keeps stomping. He sets for the RKO and Shawn just falls. He’s had no offense at all. Orton tries a super RKO but Shawn knocks him off and manages to drop an elbow somehow. He can’t even cover though so he sets for the kick. Shawn sets for it and just falls down and the referee stops it.

 

Rating: N/A. This ran about four minutes but you can’t call this a match as it wasn’t. This was an angle which was used to advance Orton. Soon he would completely dominate the upper midcard to become the mega challenger to Cena, ultimately taking the title when Cena was hurt in the fall.

 

RKO to Shawn post match draws his wife out to check on him. He leaves on a stretcher.

 

Khali yells in Hindi. He has the title belt despite not being champion. Not a good example for a cop.

 

Raw Tag Titles: Hardys vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

 

No longer the Hardy Boys I guess. To give the Smackdown guys something to do they’re calling it. No real reason for this other than face tag team vs. heel tag team. Matt vs. Cade to start us off. Technical stuff so far as Matt takes over for the most part. Apparently Matt is a Smackdown guy despite being a Raw champion. Cade tries a wristlock and Matt BLASTS him with a forearm to counter. That looked great and sounded even better.

 

Off to Jeff to a BIG pop. Murdoch comes in also and there isn’t exactly a pop but maybe it’s implied? You can tell they’re in a long form match here as the faces have an extended control period to start. Matt gets a double axe off the middle rope for two. Cade comes in and takes over with Murdoch helping also.

 

And never mind as Jeff comes in for another pop. Slingshot dropkick gets two in the corner on Murdoch. Cade tries to leave and that gets us nowhere. Back to Jeff vs. Murdoch again and Jeff tries a front flip over the ropes. Murdoch steps to the side and Jeff CRASHES with a loud thud. Cade takes over again as Jeff sells like the master that he is. I mean at Victory Road he even managed to sell that he was a competent professional.

 

Off to the chinlock and Jeff gets beaten up even more. This is more of an extended Raw match which isn’t a bad thing here but just a bit different. Canadian Destroyer/Sunset Bomb by Murdoch gets two as Matt saves. Double tag and it’s off to Cade vs. Matt. After most of the house is cleaned, Cade takes Matt down for a bit. I guess he didn’t get to dust the top shelves. Not that it matters as the Twist of Fate and Swanton keep the belts in North Carolina.

 

Rating: B-. Not a terrible match here at all as you had an extended Raw match but the fans were certainly into it. Extended Raw matches are fine like here as you had two pretty good teams and therefore you got a good match out of it. What more can you really ask for here anyway? The country boys would get the titles in about two weeks.

 

They shake hands post match. Odd indeed.

 

Edge has a video for us, which is about him stealing the world title from the injured Undertaker after stealing MITB from the injured Kennedy. This was a big part of the Ultimate Opportunist thing. This is your hype video for Batista vs. Edge in case you weren’t clear on that.

 

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Batista

 

Edge got the title from Taker 9 days before this. Oddly enough he comes out first here. Batista has a bandaged leg from….I think a match with Taker who he was feuding with for a long time. The idea here is Edge did in three seconds what Taker couldn’t do in two months. The thing is it was just after a cage match with Batista and Henry coming out for a beatdown.

 

Edge backs off a lot to start. All Big Dave as he sends Edge to the floor but he gets his knee slammed into the steps and the Canadian takes over. Back in Batista goes shoulder first into the post as the psychology shifts a bit. A long armbar is actually countered by an arm drag and Batista gets him into the corner for the shoulders. Clothesline puts both guys down.

 

Powerslam gets two for Batista. Boss Man Slam (why does no one piuck that up as a finisher? Barrett uses it as a regular move but it’s a great finisher for a power guy) gets two as does an Edge-O-Matic for the champ. Edge sets for a spear but Batista gets a BIT one instead for two. Another powerslam and it’s Batista Bomb time. Edge counters but gets caught in a spinebuster. It hurts the knee though and Edge grabs a rollup for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: C. The ending isn’t a cop out as it seems. This was more about Edge getting dominated in the end but catching Batista in one error to retain, playing up the opportunist aspect of him. Anyway, not much of a match here as it felt like a SNME match, which is ok but it gets a bit dull at times. Edge would get hurt in like two months and Khali would get the title in a battle royal.

 

The Divas are asked who wins in Cena vs. Khali. Jillian thinks Khali is hot. Maria picks Batista. This is totally pointless.

 

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. MVP

 

MVP is challenging here and it’s 2/3 falls. They had a decent match at Mania and this is the rematch. Amazing to think this was two months before the Benoit stuff happened. This is the third match in their series. Apparently Benoit has a bad leg which is a running theme tonight. They feel each other out for a good while as Cole isn’t sure if DQs or countouts count.

 

All Benoit to start but he can’t get the Crossface. MVP grabs a headlock which gets him nowhere at all. Benoit hammers away and they hit the mat. The idea here was that in the first match Benoit completely outwrestled him then at Backlash Benoit had more trouble with him and now he’s having real trouble with him. MVP works on the leg for a good while.

 

Rolling Germans time but the knee gives out on the final one. Crossface goes on but he manages to get to the rope. Back to the knee but a big boot in the corner misses. Sharpshooter goes on but that doesn’t work either. Good stuff here for the most part but the whole work on a limb thing is getting a bit repetitive tonight. MVP tries to climb the ropes and Benoit gets him in an electric chair, but the knee goes out and the Playmaker gives MVP the first fall.

 

There’s a rest period and Benoit stretches his leg a bit. The knee is falling apart and MVP attacks it every chance he gets. Even on a cover MVP twists the leg around in a very nice touch. Leg lock goes on which becomes a Brock Lock and Chris is in trouble. Playmaker doesn’t work a second time as Benoit gets a SWEET counter into the Crossface but he can’t lock it in due to a shot to the knee. A big boot to the knee allows MVP to roll him up to win the title in two straight falls. He would hold it nearly a year.

 

Rating: C+. The knee work was good here but at the same time it got a bit annoying having this in about the fourth or fifth match tonight. Benoit would head to ECW rather soon and I think you know how that ended. Pretty decent match here though as MVP used the previous two matches to get the win here, which is psychology which is the best thing you can ask for.

 

We recap Cena vs. Khali. Someone laid out Shawn, Edge and Orton in one night to send a message to Cena so he called them out at the end of the night. It was Khali who then beat the tar out of him. Cena managed to get him in the FU position but Khali countered and hit the Chokebomb. The idea is Cena is the underdog here despite being champion. Khali beat Shawn clean to officially become #1 contender.

 

Raw World Title: Great Khali vs. John Cena

 

JR: “Cena has to compete tonight like Khali hit Cena’s mama with a 2×4.” WHERE DOES HE COME UP WITH THIS STUFF??? I mean was that something that was a common occurrence in Oklahoma? Is he drawing on personal experience? Could Khali speed it up a bit so that I can stop overreacting already? Khali is undefeated at this point.

 

Staredown to start and Cena pounds away but it gets him chopped in the head. Clothesline and a right hand sends him to the floor. Khali sends him to the steps and back in the ring puts his foot on the chest for two. Slam and a leg drop (BROTHER) get two. This is all Khali if that wasn’t clear. Cena tries to move a bit and gets the Throwback for two.

 

Back up and Cena hits the ropes but KHALI HITS A SPIN KICK!!! WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT GO AFTER THIS MATCH????? I almost rewound the tape to see if I really saw that but it was there. Out to the floor now and Cena is rammed into the table a few times. Off to a nerve hold which doesn’t last long because it’s just a nerve hold. A pair of shoulders is enough to tie Khali in the ropes for a bit. Cena charges instead of standing there but Khali gets out and hits a big boot to take him down.

 

Cena blocks the knockout chop but gets sent to the floor. Khali comes after him but Cena finally wakes up and dropkicks the steps into the knees. Top rope Fameasser and Khali is in trouble. STFU goes on and this is all or nothing for Cena. Khali finally taps but his foot was under the rope which is what set up the rematch the next month in a falls count anywhere match.

 

Rating: C. There was only so much they could do here and for the most part it worked I think. Khali didn’t have to do much out there which is ok also as his size makes up for it. They kept this should (a little over 8 minutes) and that was the best thing they could have done. They weren’t going to get a great match here no matter what but all things considered, this was about as good as they were going to get, especially since it never got totally unrealistic for Cena to come back.

 

Overall Rating: C+. This was definitely a B level show but it worked pretty well. There isn’t a bad match on the card and while the ratings for each were all pretty good, there’s absolutely nothing worth going out of your way to see. This is a show that you could easily skip and you would have been fine, which is why having another show in two weeks was a stupid idea. Not bad, but definitely not worth seeing.

This past Thursday’s show saw the worst audience of the year.  The numbers have been going down since Bully won the title but are falling even faster now that it’s all about Sting and Hogan.

 

Imagine that: people don’t care about Bubba Ray Dudley vs. two old guys in the year 2013.  I for one am shocked.

Insurrextion 2002
Date: May 4, 2002
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is just after Backlash 2002 where Hogan won the world title from HHH. Naturally the Undisputed Champion isn’t here but why should he waste his time on something like that? The two most important things here though are that two days after this we GET THE F OUT and it’s WWE. This is also the debut of the single brand show, making this an historical show which is likely going to suck. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about bringing the fight across the ocean or something like that. It’s REALLY bland which is how most of these shows were.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrerovs. Rob Van Dam

This show sold out in 21 minutes apparently. Not bad.Well this should be good if nothing else. Eddie won the title at Backlash and this is one of the rematches. They trade control to start as the fans are way behind RVD. Both of these guys are incredibly fast. Catching Van Dam is like pouring smoke through a keyhole. Where does he get these metaphors? Eddie takes over as I have a feeling this is going to be the best match on the card for the rest of the night.

The fans are all over Eddie here as he puts on something like an ankle lock. You know for two guys of this caliber, this isn’t really anything special. That always plagues these shows: everything you see here has been done elsewhere and done better. That and you know there’s nothing significant coming so why bother watching? I guess that’s the benefit of being in America as we get the main stuff.

Van Dam gets us to even with a superkick which is fair since Shawn is still out hurt. Monkey flips are fun but how did they get that name I wonder. Five Star misses though and I wonder how alive Eddie’s hair is. There’s no way that’s not a creature that lives there in hiding. Eddie goes to get the belt but nails the referee for the DQ when he tries to take it from him. RVD beats him up afterwards and hits a Five Star to make the fans smile.

Rating: C+. Nothing all that great here but it was ok. A match with these two is really hard to mess up and this was certainly watchable. It just didn’t have that pop though and that hurts it a bit. It got the crowd going though so that’s the main goal. Van Dam was very exciting back around this time when he wasn’t getting old (he’s like 32 here) . He would get the title back in like a month.

Molly and Jazz get Trish and Jackie later. Molly hates Terri, the interviewer.Molly can’t act at all. This is in the virgin period which was rather funny. It ends with Terri showing her bra to the girls. This was idiotic.

Trish Stratus/Jackie vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Trish was just starting to get the hang of wrestling here but had a long way to go. Lawler makes various sex jokes and Ross’ reaction of not getting it is great. Apparently the virgin aspect was a real life thing for Molly. That’s very awesome. Trish comes in and Lawler keeps using slang that I don’t get. I still don’t get why they picked Jazz if they wanted to have a girl from ECW. She wasn’t very well known there at all but I get the whole fighter thing.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? Trish throws those forearms of hers and takes Jazz down. She gets a backslide but Jackie messes things up. Yeah I’m stunned too. We get some BAD spot calling which is always fun to catch. This isn’t terrible but it’s kind of all over the place. Trish vs. Jazz or Molly would have worked much better.

Jackie gets caught in a Boston Crab and taps her fingers on the mat. STF is broken up by Trish as Lawler talks about flying puppies. Jackie hits a tornado DDT on Molly and Trish hits Stratusfaction on Jazz to get a double pin. Trish was clearly getting better and was clearly going to be a big star. Lita was out with a broken neck but she was getting back soon.

Rating: C. Not bad here at all but Jackie and Jazz kind of held it back a bit. Not that they’re bad in the ring but that they just weren’t that interesting and not a lot of people cared about them at all. This was more of a way to get Trish over than anything else which is what it was supposed to do.

X-Pac tells Hall to stay in the back for his match in a kind of pointless segment.

Bradshaw vs. X–Pac

This is NWO time here which would be done in like a month. Bradshaw kept getting little mini-pushes to see how he would handle them. He would be world champion in a little over two years though so apparently they worked. Pac has Kane’s mask for some reason that I don’t remember. Oh yeah Kane was the guardian of the NWO or something according to the Draft.

Who would have guessed that Bradshaw would be a far more successful guy in the end than Pac? The middle turnbuckle gets exposed and the referee is fine with this for some reason. He’s busted open now and Pac goes for it. This is nothing special but it’s working to fill in the time. It’s just a weird pairing though. Pac uses one of the worst chokes I’ve seen in a long time.

He does the ten punches in the corner and gets powerbombed out of his shoes. Wow my sarcasm isn’t coming at all here. Not sure if that’s because of me or the match but it’s just not there this time. I think it’s because of the match as I just do not care about this at all, but that could be the era and the British aspect. These shows all have tendencies to just not be interesting at all for obvious reasons.

Bradshaw gets a nice top rope shoulderblock which is as simple of a move as possible: just throw yourself at the other guy with as much weight as possible behind it. Fall Away Slam gets two and here’s Hall, probably to sue for copyright issues. He hits Bradshaw in the head with knunchucks for two which I thought was the finish. The Bronco Buster misses and I begin to smile. Hall interferes again and the X-Factor ends it. I hate that move.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad really which surprises me. I expected this to be pretty horrible but it really worked in the end. Pac against a big guy being watchable isn’t something I’m used to typing but this was actually decent. I’m still not sure why this was happening but they mentioned something about Austin and Bradshaw and the NWO stopping them from teaming up. I was pleasantly surprised here though.

Taker talks about beating up HHH. He’s a heel here and a real American. It’s weird hearing him talk like this.

Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Booker T

Now here’s a weird pairing. Stevie has short hair here and won the title on Raw from Bubba Dudley. Booker fighting for the Hardcore Title is just weird. Richards is in long black and blue tights which look weird on him. We start breaking out the weapons with nothing being out of the ordinary. Richards throws them out as Booker throws them in. He wants a straight match with Booker?

We get a few weapons used as we realize that Booker is Booker and Richards is Richards and it just goes downhill from there for the champion. DANG that trashcan lid cracked over Booker’s head. A sidekick misses and Booker is in trouble. We get a chinlock in a hardcore match. There isn’t much going on here but to see this pairing is just odd. Also, Booker is high enough on the card that he’s in a hardcore title match? Really?

Missile dropkick into a trash can into Richards only gets two in a surprising kickout. SICK Steven Kick and down goes Booker. That looked GREAT. Booker catches him in a Book End and pins him in easily the biggest win of his career. Crash takes a Scissors Kick and Booker is a two time champion. Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer run out and beat down Booker. He fights them off and it’s Spinarooni Time! It’s also Jazz and Richards time as they come in and hit a flapjack onto the table. It doesn’t break and only gets two in a painful looking spot. Another one goes through it and Steven gets the title back and bails.

Rating: C+. The match was actually pretty entertaining. Richards could have decent matches in the ring when he was being serious as he was here. Booker beating him makes sense though as he’s a former world champion so it’s not like he was going to lose the initial match one on one. These title changes were fun for the house shows as you see multiple title changes and get to see history, but it changes really fast which makes it fun. That’s what this was: fun.

We recap Brock’s first PPV match which was a total squash of Jeff Hardy. Brock’s partner tonight is…..Shawn Stasiak? He’s completely insane here and Heyman goes over the battle plan: Brock starts, Brock finishes and Shawn never comes in. It’s so weird to look at Brock here and then as the unstoppable force that made Carwin tap.

Hardy Boys vs. Shawn Stasiak/Brock Lesnar

I can’t imagine this ends with anything other than the Hardys pinning Stasiak. Apparently Lita just got hurt and had surgery like 5 days before this so she’s gone for awhile. Stasiak runs past Brock and Heyman so he can start. They double team Shawn and it’s not pretty. Lesnar comes in and Matt beats the tar out of him. Lesnar is like boy please and just kills him with shoulders.

Brock just destroys Matt and this is fun to watch. Ross put Lesnar over like a god and that’s what he came off as. Heyman is either on a mic or really loud and his yelling is awesome. Brock misses a charge and hits the post so Shawn tags himself in. Jeff gets the hot tag and beats Shawn down before the Hardy’s usual stuff ends him. Both of them get F5s (not named yet) and Stasiak gets a powerbomb. Lesnar was freaking SCARY and still is to this day.

Rating: D+. Pretty basic match but the idea was perfect: Brock dominates but the Hardys win while keeping Brock undefeated. This was fine for what it was and a decent enough match. I still don’t get how Brock was ever allowed to leave. You pay him whatever you want and do it as fast as you can to get him to stay. Either way, he made the right choice it seems. Match was fine.

We see clips of a charity dinner last night for Make-A-Wish. Nothing wrong with that so no jokes.

Coach is with Regal who of course gets cheered. He has Spike tonight for the European Title and cuts a heel promo about it. Nothing special at all here.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

I can imagine someone in the crowd looking up at their mother and saying “Mummy, he weighs money?” Spike is very hated here but he should be used to that over the years. And Spike has hurt his ankle. It looks legit and the match more or less stops as the trainer comes down to check on it. They start to take him to the back and Regal jumps him, taking away any semblance of realness here. Regal beats him up but gets small packaged for the pin. Power of the Punch hits after that.

Rating: N/A. With so much of the match being based around the ankle thing you can’t really grade it fairly. I don’t really get the idea of not putting the belt on Regal here as it’s not like it meant anything and it would have given the fans a thrill. This at least wasn’t the same basic ending as always.

We recap Show vs. Austin. Flair is guest referee which started because at Backlash, Taker beat Austin but Austin had his foot on the rope. Flair was referee there too and didn’t see it which makes sense. This led to Show joining the NWO for the reason of he’s the Giant and that’s what they did in WCW so they’re going to do it here.

Big Show vs. Steve Austin

Flair is the referee and the owner of Raw at this point. He says that he’s there to keep X-Pac and Hall out. Oh he’s just the outside referee. Show is the biggest athlete in the history of sports entertainment apparently. Old school Austin music here and a great pop, but not like it used to be.

Austin flips him off to start and we stand around a lot. Ok we need to like DO something here. This was right before Austin bailed just because he was unhappy with his angles or something. We finally get some offense in as Show pounds away on Austin’s chest. This is during the WHAT period so we get it a lot.

He goes for the knees as you would expect. Why does Show think a one piece swimsuit is a good idea? The fans think Show is a big fat bastard. It’s weird to see Austin on offense this long. The straps come down and Austin is in trouble. It’s all Show for awhile here as he beats up Austin for a good bit here.

We hit a bearhug for awhile just to waste some time. Why do all bearhugs end with punches and biting? It amuses me greatly that we have Austin, perhaps the greatest brawler ever while using a move named after one of the most famous technical guys ever. Stunner hits but the referee is down. Hall and Pac come out and that goes nowhere as Flair chases them off.

Nash shows up and takes a Stunner. A jumping Stunner ends Show in a cool visual. Flair comes back and chases off Nash before we have a beer bash. Flair drinks too without being asked. Guess what happens. Flair kisses up to him for some reason and it goes nowhere. He doesn’t sell the kick at all and there it is.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match here with not a lot actually happening. This was just a way to get the crowd excited as Austin was certainly still a big deal. He was about to start feuding with Flair which led to him leaving for about 8 months before coming back for his last match with Rock at Mania 19. Not a very good match but the fans liked it.

We recap HHH vs. Taker. Taker cost HHH the Undisputed Title at Backlash and that’s about it.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Taker’s music is dubbed over here with generic rock music even though you see Limp Biskit on the screen. Taker gets a much better pop than HHH. HHH is a Smackdown guy but since this is a grudge match it’s ok I guess. We start with a small slugout and HHH wins. Taker goes Old School but HHH “jerks him off” to escape.

We brawl on the floor again as this is far different than their really good Mania match from about 14 months before this. HHH is really good at overselling stuff. Taker goes for the knee which HHH had repaired recently. HHH comes back and the top rope breaks on an Irish Whip. You can hear them talking to make sure they know what’s going on which is always interesting.

Taker with short hair just never worked for me. He just didn’t fee right. A bunch of powerw stuff doesn’t work on him and HHH isn’t sure what to do. I think HHH countered the chokeslam into a DDT. That chokeslam hits though as the Pedigree is countered. Taker broke HHH’s heart when he cost him the title. That’s just amusing for some reason.

Taker was using a Dragon Sleeper around this time and tries to do so here but it doesn’t work. Out of nowhere HHH gets the Pedigree to end this. Yes, Taker did a perfectly clean job in the middle of the ring. I can’t believe it either.

Rating: B. This wasn’t exactly their Mania match, but it was a fun slugout and they beat the tar out of each other. Taker jobbing is always fun to see if nothing else. This was designed to be a big main event and that’s what it was. How many times do you see these two fight? It’s not a match that you get very often which is what makes it special. Taker would win the title at the next PPV.

Overall Rating: B. This was probably the best European show that I can think of. The main event was fun and we actually got some title changes although you know there should be some asterisks there. The show was fun here and everything worked very well overall. The crowd clearly was into it and for a glorified house show, this was very fun and definitely worth checking out at some point.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Smackdown
Date: May 3, 2013
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We’re back stateside for Smackdown now with a main event of Ambrose vs. Kane. I’m liking the idea of the Shield having some singles matches as it’s the next logical step for the group at this point. You can only have so many three man combinations they can fight before the idea gets stale. Also we’re likely to get more on the triple threat title match at Extreme Rules. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Shield pinning Cena after Ryback walked out on Cena earlier in the night.

Here’s Ryback to open the show. He says he couldn’t tag with Cena on Raw because he knew Cena was hurt. Ryback isn’t Cena’s keeper and it was Cena that lost the match against the Shield. After the match, Cena was hobbling around and in the law of the jungle, the bigger animals like Ryback always eat the smaller ones.

Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan fires off some quick kicks to start but gets caught in the corner. Daniel goes back to the kicks to the legs but gets caught in the corner again. A powerslam puts Bryan down but Ryback spends too much time celebrating and gets kicked in the leg some more. Now Bryan is sent to the floor but he suckers Ryback down, allowing Daniel to hit the suicide dive. Back in and Ryback pounds Bryan into the corner but Daniel fires off even more kicks to the leg.

Ryback finally catches a kick coming in and shoves Bryan down. He loads up a suplex but Bryan drives knees upside down onto Ryback’s head to escape. Ryback will have none of that and throws Bryan to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ryback steadily pounding Bryan down, including blocking a sunset flip and slamming Bryan’s head into the mat over and over.

Bryan fires off about his seventh set of kicks to the leg before countering a Thesz Press into a half crab on the weakened leg. Ryback kicks away so Bryan goes with even more kicks to the leg to keep Ryback in trouble. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner stagger Ryback and a missile dropkick takes him down for two. The crowd is getting way into this.

Bryan tries another kick but gets caught in a powerbomb position, only to catch Ryback in a rana out to the floor. Ryback catches Bryan diving at him through and sends him spine first into the post. Back in and Ryback plants him down with a slam followed by the Meathook. Bryan gets Shell Shocked down for the pin at 9:39 shown of 13:09.

Rating: B-. This is what Ryback is perfect for: marching through people after being in some trouble. It makes him look like a monster again and was a completely clean pin. Bryan threw everything he had at him and just couldn’t stop him. That’s the kind of stuff you need from a monster and Ryback looked good in the process.

We look at the triple threat from Monday and Del Rio announcing the triple threat at the PPV to be a ladder match.

Ricardo Rodriguez says a lot of stuff in Spanish very quickly until Del Rio comes up to say calm down.

Fandango vs. Zach Ryder

Ryder takes him down with an armdrag for two but Fandango kicks him in the head to take over. Fandango ties him up in the ropes and fires off some hard forearms to the back of Ryder’s head for two. Ryder gets up a pair of knees in the corner and hits the middle rope missile dropkick for two. The Broski Boot connects for another near fall but the Rough Ryder is countered into a hot shot. Fandango’s guillotine legdrop ends Ryder at 2:20.

Kaitlyn is in the back with a bouquet of roses and has gotten a love text. Natalya and Khali tell her to relax like Khali does.

We recap the Make-A-Wish stuff with Cena from Raw.

Zeb Colter tells “Rhonda” Young that he was sick on Monday when he lost in the triple threat match. Also, Ricardo Rodriguez stole from him on Monday so tonight they have a rematch.

Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter

Ziggler and AJ are on commentary with Langston next to them. In other words, all seven people are here. Colter slaps him to start so Ricardo grabs his beard. Zeb goes to the mat on all fours so Ricardo rides him like a horse for a bit. Colter comes back with some right hands but Ricardo sends him into the corner. Thankfully this boring match is ended with Swagger running in to take out Ricardo for the DQ at 1:50.

Del Rio knocks Swagger to the floor and here’s Teddy to make it a tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger

This is joined in progress after the break with Swagger working over Ricardo. The tag brings in Del Rio for the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Codebreaker onto the arm but Swagger blocks the armbreaker. Not that it matters as Ziggler and Langston run in for the DQ at 1:50.

Now Teddy makes it a triple threat tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler

Del Rio and Swagger start things off with Alberto dropping him down with a clothesline and tagging in Ricardo. After Rodriguez does little of note it’s back to Del Rio who walks into a dropkick from Ziggler. Off to Langston as our brilliant commentators talk about how Del Rio and Swagger are favored in the ladder match because they’ve both won MITB before. As their short term memory failure melts my brain, Langston runs over Del Rio in the corner and it’s back to the world champion.

Del Rio launches Ziggler into the air and lets him crash down to the mat. He’s too spent to follow up though and Dolph takes him down with a neckbreaker. Back to Langston for more of his power, including ramming Del Rio into the corner. Ziggy misses a splash though and Del Rio gets the hot tag. House is cleaned and it’s Colter left all alone with Alberto. Ziggler makes the save for Colter for no apparent reason and DDTs Alberto for two. Langston runs over Ricardo but gets powerslammed down by Swagger. Alberto enziguris Swagger to the floor and gets rolled up by Swagger for two. The cross armbreaker makes Dolph tap at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Well this was worthless, but at least we got the world champion to lose again! I mean, Heaven forbid he gets to keep the momentum he gained on Monday or something stupid like that. This 50/50/50 booking is doing nothing for anyone as the winner of the triple threat is only going to decide who didn’t lose last, which doesn’t make for much of a champion.

We hear someone getting beaten up off camera followed by Shield popping up. They say they took out Undertaker and after tonight, Kane will believe in the Shield. The camera pans down to show that it was Bryan who was attacked.

Video on HHH accepting Lesnar’s challenge.

Bryan gets looked at in the back.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton hits a quick shot to the jaw and Sandow is frustrated early. A shoulder block puts Sandow down but he comes back with a knee to the ribs and a knee drop for two. Randy easily fights out of a chinlock (is there a bigger expert on that hold than Orton?) and there’s the powerslam on Damien. The Elevated DDT is broken up with a backdrop to the apron and Sandow guillotines him onto the top rope.

We take a break and come back with Orton suplexing his way out of a headlock. A short DDT gets a delayed two count for Sandow as JBL says Sandow has been in his element these last few months. Is there another modern Genius running around that I’ve been missing? Wind-Up elbow gets two but Orton fires off some headbutts to escape. A dropkick puts Sandow down as does a backdrop, followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this at 5:05 shown of 8:35.

Rating: C. This is another match that we’ve seen over and over again with nothing much coming from it. It’s like everyone has a designated opponent anymore and the winners and losers never change at all. Nothing of note to see here but it was a glorified squash for Orton. When is the last time Sandow won a match anyway?

Post match here’s Big Show to tell Orton that he’s awesome in singles matches, but he’s terrible in a team. When Orton is in a team it’s all about him. At Wrestlemania, if Show had gotten the tag, they might have won and Orton wouldn’t have been knocked out. Sandow uses the distraction to hit the Terminus. Big Show laughs a lot and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Orton at Extreme Rules. I think that was a challenge.

Kane walks out of the trainer’s room and says he’ll make the Shield pay for what they did to Daniel and Undertaker. He knows he’s going to get beaten up tonight but he’s taking down as many of them as he can with him.

The Raw Rebound is the same thing that opened the show: the end of the six man tag and Ryback reappearing.

Now we get an arm wrestling contest between Sheamus and Mark Henry. On the way to the ring, Cole and JBL drop the names of famous arm wrestlers that no one will remember in a few seconds. Henry of course dominates but Sheamus wants to try it left handed. After a lot of goading, Henry finally agree. The fans chant for Henry as they’re getting ready. As he’s about to lose, Sheamus punches him in the face and lays Henry out with the Brogue Kick. The fans did seem to like the kick.

We get a clip of Shield taking out Undertaker last week.

Video on the European tour.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Reigns has Bryan’s tag title belt. Kane swings his belt to chase the Shield off and throws Reigns over the announce table and Rollins into the crowd. Now we head inside for the actual match and Kane pounds Ambrose down into the corner. They head to the floor where Ambrose is dropped throat first onto the barricade and kicked in the side of the head before they head back in. A running elbow puts Dean down and Kane throws him to the floor again as we take a break.

Back with Ambrose working on Kane’s leg as momentum has shifted. Ambrose snaps the leg down and bends it around the rope. Dean says this is justice as he works over the leg. Rollins and Reigns are back up and talking trash of their own as Ambrose hits a running clothesline in the corner. The bad leg is wrapped around the post but the referee makes Dean let him go.

Back in and Kane fires back before hitting the side slam for two. The top rope clothesline puts Ambrose down and Kane is smiling evily. Ambrose escapes the chokeslam but Kane escapes the DDT. A chokeslam puts Ambrose down but Kane doesn’t cover. Instead we get a throat slit and it’s time for a Tombstone but Kane has to kick Rollins off the apron. They head to the floor and Kane sends Reigns into the steps. Back in and Dean takes the leg out before hitting a falling forward bulldog for the pin at 7:03 shown of 10:33. I really hope that isn’t his finishing move.

Rating: C. This was fine. Kane knew he was in over his head but he gave it everything he had which is the right idea for a match like this. A win over Kane is still worth a little something and the win for the titles will be worth even more at Extreme Rules. I’d prefer they went after the world title instead of the tag titles but I guess any gold is better than none.

Post match Kane tells all of the Shield to come get him and it goes exactly as you would expect it to go. The TripleBomb ends the show and Shield takes both title belts.

Overall Rating: D+. Let’s look at this: similar matches, similar story development, almost nothing new at all. This was a supplement to Raw and that’s exactly what Smackdown doesn’t need to be. Last week was FAR better with good matches and some fun stuf. This was basically there to further what we got on Raw while adding nothing new. That’s not an interesting show and could have been accomplished with a series of video packages, making this show pretty much worthless.

Results

Ryback b. Daniel Bryan – Shell Shock

Fandango b. Zack Ryder – Guillotine Legdrop

Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger via DQ when Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker to Ziggler

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Dean Ambrose b. Kane – Falling bulldog

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Wrestlepalooza 1998
Date: May 3, 1998
Location: Cobb County Civic Center, Marietta, Georgia
Attendance: 3,401
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been two months since Living Dangerously and not a lot has changed. It’s still Snow vs. Douglas as Snow’s insane rise in popularity continues. Candido and Storm are still champions that hate each other and are defending the belts tonight in a storyline that NO ONE has ever seen before. Van Dam has begun his two year long reign with the title and has his first big defense tonight: he’s fighting Sabu. Oh this could hurt a lot. Let’s get to this as the card looks somewhere between bad and ok.

We do the intro video before the show introduction this time which I like a lot better. The other way just takes me out of the show for some reason. It usually feels like they forgot to do the show opening or something and then went back to it.

F.B.I. vs. BWO

Suddenly I want some alphabet soup. It’s Tracy Smothers and Guido vs. Super Nova and Blue Meanie. The BWO itself is actually over and dead but they both wear blue and team together still so there we are. I want to hit Tommy Rich. The guy is just freaking annoying. He gets a huge SCREW YOU chant directed at him so at least Georgia fans are intelligent. Nova and Guido, the two talented guys, start us out.

Nova is a superhero by the way. Meanie is just a fat guy that has nothing else going for him. Nova is well known for having a very unorthodox offense and it’s on display here. Meanie comes in and Rich says we need to have a dance contest. And the referee dances too. THANKFULLY Smothers jumps Meanie to end this mindlessness. And the referee slams both heels to get two on Smothers. What the heck am I watching???

Finally we get something sensible as Smothers hits a nice bicycle kick to Nova’s head. Meanie can’t even get into the ring correctly. This is what critics mean when they say this company was a joke. When you’re that sloppy, you have no business being in a ring on a major show at all. Meanie misses the moonsault, which is just about the only move Meanie could do without injuring someone else. Nova hits a downward spiral for the pin. And the faces do the YMCA afterwards. My head hurts again.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t bad, but for the most part it was an unfunny comedy match. Nova was cool, but other than that there was just noting at all that stood out here for me. Meanie was just a fat load that never did anything of note outside of ECW (Bluedust was nothing of note and yes I know he was in WWF for awhile) and the FBI were always annoying to me. It’s not bad but it’s nothing to write home about, or better yet it’s nothing to review. Wait what?

We recap Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck. This feud is STILL going? This was just a way to get Justin over which completely failed as there was one simple problem: Justin wasn’t any good. Paul kept trying to tell us he was but it simply wasn’t there. Justin got pushed until the company folded and was getting said push over guys like RVD. That should explain a lot to you.

Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck

So Mikey’s destroyed knee is all of a sudden fine. Good to know. He gets some good punches in and we’re on the floor already. They throw Justin into the crowd and he more or less crushes a fan. I get that this is a different kind of company, but dude, don’t half crush your fans. Justin shoves Mikey off the apron so that he crashes into the guard rail. We have our first chair of the evening and Mikey takes a SICK bump into it.

That looked like it would have nearly killed him but of course he’s fine. The fans chant Aldo at Justin. He was Aldo Montoya in WWF in case you didn’t know that. If nothing else he gets a nice counter to the Whippersnapper (Stunner, which Mikey used way before Austin) by just hooking him in a reverse DDT. It was very nice indeed. These fans are really annoying.

I get that they’re a major aspect of ECW, but to fans like me who aren’t huge fans and are the audience that ECW needed to grab in order to stay in business, they’re very annoying indeed. Justin gets suplexed through a table which of course is impressive even though we see it about five times a show.

And now it’s just about the chair and nothing else. It’s just big spot, two count, chair spot, two count, big spot, two count over and over again. Chastity, the valet of Credible, takes a BAD Whippersnapper off the top. And Justin gets the tombstone out of nowhere onto the chair for the pin. I hated that ending.

Rating: D+. So in other words, Justin lost twice in a row but he gets a more or less fluke win here and he wins the feud. ECW and most other wrestling companies have a major problem with this and it drives me insane. Just because you win the last match in a feud doesn’t mean you win the feud. Take Dreamer vs. Raven for example: Dreamer “won” the feud, but he lost probably 100 times and got one victory. How does that make him the winner?

As for this match, the ending was just big spot after big spot and then Justin got the tombstone for the random pin. That’s supposed to make sense I guess. Justin, who is supposed to be the best wrestler in the world according to Heyman, did nothing other than a throw into the guard rail all match but hits one big move to win the thing. That’s GREAT wrestling indeed Paul.

Rotten and Mahoney want their shot at the titles. They demand a shot and just get one. Ok then.

ECW Tag Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Chris Candido/Lance Storm

They still hate each other and even though they don’t get along and fight each other, they manage to beat every team in the company as they do it. Don’t you just love Heyman’s brilliance? Mind you the challengers were in the arena to make their challenge yet the champions are here first. In a funny spot, they argue over who gets top billing. Oh I get it now: the champions came to the ring and were introduced before they actually accepted the challenge. Is Heyman even thinking?

The Freaks are Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney in case you were wondering. To my surprise we start with a wrestling sequence. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. Good night Balls Mahoney is worthless. Rotten is trying to wrestle which works ok but it’s hard to take a guy who wrestles for a team called the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks seriously. They do a standard tag match here and it’s really not that bad. I’m very surprised. Rotten throws chops and the fans WOO.

They start a BRING IN FLAIR chant and my head begins to hurt. First off, just no. Second off, isn’t that exactly what ECW is supposed to be against? Third of all, I love how they just assume Heyman can afford that. The fans were stupid at times and were dragged around by Heyman by their noses. It’s really pathetic at times. Sunny shows up and the champions fight over Storm saving her. “Hey! You keep your hands off my fiancé! If she dies who cares??? YOU JUST STAY AWAY!”

And now we get to the flat out stupid part of the match. Balls hits his finisher. There’s no one around. They should win the titles. He goes to get a chair. That’s almost understandable I guess. Now let’s have the stupid part. He turns around with the chair in his hand and Storm jumps up with a springboard to come at Mahoney.

What does he do you ask? Does he throw the chair at Storm? Does he, oh I don’t know, MOVE? Nope. He puts the chair in front of his face so Storm can kick it into Balls’ head. That was just pathetic looking. On and Candido hits Storm with the chair so he can get the pin and they fight back to the locker room. This has NEVER been done before!

Rating: C+. Other than the freaking idiotic stuff at the end, this was ok. The key thing: for the most part they kept things toned down and had a wrestling match. Since Barely Legal they’ve toned the violence down a good bit and it’s been helping a lot. This was ok and would have been a lot better had the ending not sucked as much.

Ad for the merchandise catalogue and Heat Wave 98. That one’s coming soon.

We have a “Legends” ceremony from earlier. It’s Junkyard Dog, Dick Slater, Masked Superstar (Ax from Demolition) and Bullet Bob Armstrong. You know, a bunch of old NWA guys, because ECW and the NWA got along SO well. This was a nice idea, but when you look at it this was just stupid.

Shane Douglas, who is apparently held together with tape at this point, is brought out to be told about how tough he is. So despite all these injuries, it’s fairly obvious he’ll win tonight. We’ll get to the pure idiocy of this later. He runs down the WWF and Shawn, who had just left with the broken back that kept him out for four and a half years. Oh and he runs Flair down too. If Shane drew in the entire run of ECW what Flair or Shawn drew in a single year, I’d be stunned.

This is just Shane saying how great he is and how tough he is and how tonight might be his last match. Taz comes out to tease their showdown. Nope, we’ve still got another 8 months before that because the top face vs. the top heel isn’t a match we can have when the fans are begging for it of course. We get what might be the first F Bomb on an ECW PPV. Taz demands the Title be handed to him instead of you know, winning it.

Taz does a weird looking choke out that wasn’t the Tazmission and security breaks it up. Like I said, this match wouldn’t happen for EIGHT MONTHS. What they were waiting on is beyond me. Bigelow comes out to fight Taz and that’s broken up too. They handcuff Taz and arrest him for no logical reason as Shane is spitting up blood. I love how Shane runs down Shawn but he’s going to do the same thing: make this big come from behind win over Snow which makes NO sense but they did it anyway so Shane can look awesome all over again.

Oh dang it we have a New Jack match now.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. New Jack

SCREW THIS FREAKING SONG!!! Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? New Jack is going to get destroyed other than some weapons shots because the guy can’t wrestle a freaking match to save his life but hey, let’s play his blasted song while he’s getting killed. Yep, 30 seconds in and we have weapons. Why is this appealing at all? It’s just mindless violence that has no business being called wrestling.

Bigelow is better than this on so many levels and it’s not even funny. We’re in the crowd now as that song is still playing. Bigelow just throws chairs at him as this is supposed to be entertaining. I get that some fans want this, but it makes the whole company look amateurish as a result. If this was still a regional promotion, this would be just fine. But it’s not a regional company anymore.

They wanted to go national but they can’t let go of the hardcore nonsense and it’s really hurting the product quite a bit. This is going to get at least ten minutes of about three hours. And New Jack jumps off a balcony with a guitar shot to Bigelow’s head. So even though that should likely kill both of them, the fans cheer.

And now let’s just lay around for awhile because that’s a great use of PPV time. Ok to be fair almost all wrestling companies do the laying around thing. Bigelow hits the Greetings From Asbury Park which doesn’t connect at all but whatever. At least it’s over.

Rating: F. I get why it’s here, but it still sucked and was completely worthless. At least we get Welcome to the Jungle. I hate these matches or whatever they are.

We see Dreamer and Sandman getting beaten up by the Dudleys set to a ballad of all things. That was odd.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Sandman cuts off the always funny Gertner entrance but the song makes up for it a bit. Beaulah is about as close to perfect as you can get. This is another “grudge” match where the grudge was developed between PPVs with no explanation as to what started it or any useless information like that. I get that Sandman’s entrance is cool, but they need to cut a minute or two out of it as it just goes on forever. Yep this is going to be a massive brawl because it’s been a full 4 minutes since we saw one of those.

And there’s the first table and my eyes roll immediately. This of course devolves into a massive brawl that has no semblance of anything noteworthy at all. We get some great shots of Beaulah and that’s about it. Sandman leaves because of his neck and after about five minutes of Tommy being murdered, Spike more or less replaces Sandman.

He gets a 3D for trying to save Beaulah but Sandman comes back in a neck brace. Yeah because he was able to see the doctor and the doctor released him inside of five minutes I guess. A pair of DDTs end this and the Dudleys lose.

Rating: D-. Only reason this isn’t failing is I’ve always thought Beaulah was beyond sexy. This was just ridiculous as Dreamer survived what should have killed him to come back and be fine. It was just a total mess and it wasn’t entertaining for the most part. They had no idea what to do with the Dudleys at this point.

So Sabu had a TV Title shot here tonight against Bigelow and he sent RVD, his partner, in to beat Bigelow up a bit but Van Dam wound up winning the title, leading to this. That’s actually decent.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Something tells me we’re going to have a ton of weapons here and I base that on the fact that it’s a Sabu match. Van Dam gets on the mic after they feel each other out a bit and says this isn’t going to happen and it was a plan. Sabu of course goes after him anyway and makes the speech completely pointless. They actually go four minutes with no weapons. That has to be a record of some kind for Sabu.

We go back to the ring at about 8 minutes in for a change of pace. Oh never mind the chair is there with him. And hey we go back to the floor AGAIN. Joey talks about how brutal it is. I couldn’t agree more. In an impressive spot, Van Dam manages to crotch himself on the guard rail when there’s no guard rail underneath him. Joey: Sabu is deadly at throwing chairs. That can’t be a good sign.

Sabu of course kicks out of the Van Daminator and the Five Star because that’s perfectly reasonable. We’ve been going about half an hour now and I think I know what’s coming. I know this isn’t a lot of text for that long of a match but it’s been about 15 minutes of them just wasting time or laying around or setting up tables and chairs.

There’s been more or less nothing of note here and I’m sure some ECW fan will explain to me that I just don’t get this match and why it’s so great. I’d love one day to watch one of these shows with an ECW fan and hear them try to defend it. Sabu kicks out of the Five Star through a table. Yep that’s perfectly realistic. The move known as Starship Pain gets two and then Sabu gets two and the bell rings for the STUPID time limit draw. They yell at each other for a long time.

Rating: D. There were some interesting drama spots near the end but for the most part this match sucked. There was so much time spent laying around and ridiculous kicking out of moves that it just stopped being interesting. Most of it was on the floor and Sabu of course botched half of what he did. This was ridiculous and the third match in a row that was stupid beyond belief, and considering the obvious ending coming up, this isn’t going to be a highly received show.

We hear from Shane who reminds us that he’s VERY hurt. We get WAY too long of a recap of Shane’s career and a quick thing from Snow saying he’ll win.

ECW World Title: Al Snow vs. Shane Douglas

So Snow is more or less the hottest thing in the company’s history as everyone likes him and he’s having the best matches of his career. Shane is hurt beyond belief here so to have him win would tick off the audience and completely bury Snow more or less guarantees that Shane will keep the belt here. This starts off like a good showdown match: with both guys being in control for a good while.

This is actually decent stuff with both guys only using a chair. Snow actually kicks out of the belly to belly suplex which anywhere else would be nothing but here it’s a big deal apparently. There’s also no interference for the most part until the locker room empties to watch the match. After a Francine run in, Snow goes up top for a sunset flip which completely misses and Shane drops down for the pin.

The fans go DEAD. I mean they are as quiet as any fans ever have been in ECW history. This was just freaking stupid booking and you can tell Joey thinks so too. This would have been like Austin losing to Michaels at Mania 14.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. The problem was that Heyman had booked himself into a corner as he had Taz vs. Shane which he had to build to but Snow was WAY more over than both guys and should have won the title here. However, it had to be about Shane again who no one cared about other than like 8 people. Again, he held the title EIGHT more months after this, FINALLY losing it to Taz in January before leaving a little while later.

The problem was that Snow or Taz should have had the title but by the time they pulled the trigger with Taz the company was in major trouble. Snow was literally on Raw the next night and not seen in ECW again, and why should he have been? He just lost the biggest push of his career and was more or less crippled so that Shane Douglas could get another big push. And people wonder why ECW isn’t around today.

Overall Rating: F. This show was just bad as NOTHING happened here. Seriously, the TV Title match goes to a draw, Heyman’s idiocy eats Al Snow for a solid meal, the Storm/Candido feud is STILL going on and burying a team at a time, Sandman and Dreamer beat the best team in the company despite one being in a neck brace and Credible is apparently cool for beating up a comedy champion.

What was the point here? The Snow thing is just inexcusable, period. It’s stupid stuff like this that caused Heyman to be out of business and he should be considering this crap. Oh and someone PLEASE defend RVD vs. Sabu. I want you to.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 22, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,900
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re about five weeks from Wrestlemania and it’s been awhile since I’ve looked at Raw from this year. The main story going on right now is that Rock is the world champion again and Big Show is now around as Vince’s latest heavy. The main event tonight is Kane vs. Undertaker in an inferno match, which is a pretty big deal for Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from last week with Big Show costing Mankind the world title last week in the ladder match.

Here’s Vince to open things up. He tells us that tonight is not a night for the squeamish because tonight we’re roasting human flesh. This is payback against Undertaker for his threats against Vince. Presumably they’re talking about the envelope from last week but the contents weren’t explained yet. Now let’s talk about Wrestlemania and what might be the most electrifying WWF Title match in history. A guy in the crowd has a sign made up like a street corner with Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive.

Vince brings out Paul Wight, who would become known as Big Show and will be refereeing the Rock vs. Austin match in five weeks. Show says he’s walked out of a nightmare and promises that the WWF will never be the same again. In two days, Austin went flying through a steel cage (and beat your boss at the same time Big Show) and then Mankind lost the WWF Title.

Now here’s Rock to a pretty big face pop. Vince gives him an intro like only a wrestling promoter can. Now we get the ROCKY SUCKS chants to make things all better. Rock isn’t pleased with Big Show taking credit for Rock being WWF Champion. Show says he said it and he’s surprised Rock heard it through that thick skull of his. Rock wants to know who Big Show thinks he is because he should know his role and shut his mouth. Show tells the Pebble to close his mouth before Show closes it with his fist. Rock’s ready to go and they get nose to nose, but here’s Mankind.

He wants to be the guest referee for the main event and to prove what he’s capable of, he wants to referee Rock vs. Big Show tonight. Even Socko has a referee shirt painted on. Big Show likes the idea of a title match tonight and the fans seems interested as well. Rock says let’s to it and I guess we have a second main event.

Post break the Corporation has to keep Rock and Big Show apart in the back.

Brood vs. Public Enemy

Yeah ECW’s Public Enemy had a cup of coffee in the WWF. The Brood is Gangrel and Edge here and they’re part of the Ministry. They jump Public Enemy as they come in and send the two ECW guys together to take over. Edge dives on Rocco in the corner but Grunge trips them up and takes both Brood members out with a double bulldog. A hiptoss into a double kind of powerbomb puts Gangrel down but not for a cover. Instead they hit the Quebecers’ old Cannonball move onto Gangrel but Christian runs in for the DQ. This was barely 90 seconds long.

Public Enemy leaves but gets a blood bath for their efforts.

During the break the Ministry beat up the Brood for losing the match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania. Val Venis, the champion, is on commentary. Billy can’t quite do the Outlaws entrance like Roadie can. It’s a brawl on the floor to start before we head inside. Billy misses a splash in the corner as Val makes a lot of sex jokes. The belly to belly gets two for Shamrock but Gunn comes back with a Fameasser. Shamrock looks…..how would you put it……he looks like a confused Sylvester Stallone.

Anyway Ken comes back up with a hard clothesline as Val makes erection jokes. The leg lariat sets up a standing rana on Billy, sending him to the floor. Val throws him back in but Shamrock jumps Val as a result. Gunn goes to the floor as well and the big brawl causes the match to be thrown out.

Rating: D+. Shamrock was good but the jokes on commentary sounded like they were from a 12 year old. The three way feud was interesting, but Billy wouldn’t wrestle either guy at Wrestlemania for reasons of Russo stupidity. This solved nothing but there are still several weeks until Wrestlemania.

Vince tries to talk Rock down but Rock will have none of it.

Here’s Women’s Champion Sable as her heel turns continues. Sable talks about how the fans aren’t taken aback by her recent actions, but rather they’re just in awe. She brags about being on Regis and Kathy Lee before stopping to talk to her obsessed fan Tori. This time Tori gets to come into the ring and introduce herself. Tori talks about all the things she admires about Sable but Sable calls her pathetic and says Tori needs to get a life.

As Tori is about to cry, here’s Luna to speak very humbly. She says that everyone can’t be as beautiful as Sable. Everyone has to play the cards they’re dealt but they don’t use people like Sable does. The only reason Sable is Women’s Champion is because of her looks. Well that and the willingness to take off her clothes for Playboy but that isn’t mentioned. Sable says she only cares about the men and Luna needs to reshuffle the deck if she doesn’t like her cards. As the champion is about to leave she lays out Luna and Tori with the belt.

Now Vince tries to talk Show down but he wants the shot tonight. He makes a good point by saying whoever wins, the belt will still be in the Corporation.

Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Owen and Jeff are tag champions and took out Brown’s partner Mark Henry recently. The champions jump Brown to start until we get down to just Jeff in the ring. A quick Sky High gets two on Jarrett but Owen comes in with a surprise bulldog to take over. Owen comes in legally and gets two off the enziguri before it’s back to Jeff for a middle rope ax handle to the face. Brown fights out of the corner and takes both champions down, but here are Terri and Jacqueline with the latter dropkicking Brown into a spinwheel kick from Owen for the pin.

Rating: D. Have I ever mentioned how much I can’t stand Jacqueline? Her mere presence brings a match downhill as she’s so ridiculously annoying that I hate the match that much more. The PMS vs. Brown feud would go on for far longer than anyone cared and would stop Brown’s momentum. The tag division was in such a mess at this point and it would take the Dudleys to save it.

Post match the champions beat down D’Lo.

Mankind practices being a referee in the back.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Paul Wight

Vince comes out to try to calm them down again and Mankind is guest referee. Rock tells Vince to go do commentary because he doesn’t want to be in the middle of this fight. The bell rings…..and it’s a setup as they both jump Mankind. Vince: “THIS IS FUN!”

Mankind gets beaten down by all three guys.

The Corporation celebrates post match.

Steve Blackman vs. Droz

Droz, who is just back from a two week suspension for attacking Kevin Kelly, jumps Blackman to start. A quick sunset flip gets two for Steve but a jumping elbow drop gets the same for Droz. Steve is sent to the floor as this match is hardly keeping people’s attention. Droz misses a middle rope elbow and Steve comes back with basic strikes. An elbow drop gets two for Blackman as does a powerslam for Droz. The bicycle kick gets the pin for Blackman.

Rating: D. Does this need an explanation? I didn’t think so.

Post match Droz lays out Blackman with Steve’s martial arts sticks.

Vince tells Kane to make Undertaker burn.

Undertaker gives one of those evil promos where he talks about serving his master. He isn’t afraid of the inferno match at all. There’s a surprise for Vince tonight.

Goldust vs. Val Venis

Non-title here. Goldust takes him down to start and pounds away in the corner, only to be run over by a Venis clothesline out of the corner. An elbow drop misses and Goldie goes after the knee with some kicks and a shinbreaker. Val comes back with some running knees into the ribs and a Russian legsweep for no cover. We get the bump and grind from Venis and a spinebuster gets no cover on Goldie. Val tries a leapfrog but crotches himself in the process, sending him out to the floor. Venis pulls him out as well as the Blue Meanie is here. With Goldust thrown back inside, Meanie lays Val out with a DDT, giving Goldust the pin.

Rating: D+. Again not much to see here but this would lead to the bizarre but perfectly appropriate for the time period feud between Goldust and Meanie, leading to Blue Dust. I don’t quite get the need for the champion to lose by (dirty) pin but it’s not like the title meant anything in 1999 anyway.

Shane models his new European Title for Chyna.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Bart Gunn

THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS BUBBLES A BIT! Yeah there’s no way this team could ever explode. Bob is defending coming in. Gunn starts with some left hands as we head to the outside. Bob cracks a glass or a jar over Bart’s head and grabs a chair. A hard shot to the head puts Bart down for no cover followed by a shot to the back. Bart comes back with a water pitcher of his own to Hardcore’s head followed by I think the bell.

They head into the crowd with Holly being rammed head first into a piece of the exposed barricade. Back to ringside and Holly blasts him with a spray from a fire extinguisher. Bart gets sent shoulder first into the steps but comes back with a suplex onto the ramp for two. Now Holly is sent into the steps and sprayed with the extinguisher for good measure. They head up the ramp with Bart being sent into the set under the Titantron.

Bart finds a watermelon for no apparent reason and breaks it open over Holly’s head. A piece of metal gets cracked over Holly’s back for no cover but he comes back with a low blow and, I kid you not, a crate of bananas to the head. Now Holly stops for a potassium fix and a trashcan shot to Bart’s head. They slug it out and Bart hits him in the head with a sack of flour. Now here’s a guy in kabuki attire to throw Bart off the stage and through a table, giving Holly the easy pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the rare hardcore matches where the whole thing is a mixture of brutal and fun at the same time, making for a good match. Bart wasn’t around long other than to get DESTROYED by Butterbean at Wrestlemania while Holly would do the same bit for years on end.

X-Pac vs. Chyna

If Pac wins he gets a title shot at Shane at Mania. HHH is with Pac to counter Shane but Chyna hits X-Pac low almost immediately. Trips chases Shane around ringside as Chyna misses a Bronco Buster. Now X-Pac chases Shane, allowing HHH to come in and hit Chyna with a Pedigree, giving Pac the easy pin. Angle, not a match.

Austin will be on Nash Bridges on Friday. His character on there was so popular they considered giving him his own spinoff.

Here’s Vince again with what looks to be a rolled up paper in his hand. He says that if anyone doesn’t like the smell of burning flesh, leave now. He’s holding the envelope that Undertaker gave him last week and shouts about how no one goes after Vince outside the WWF.

Kane vs. Undertaker

As mentioned, this is an inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you have to light your opponent up to win. Vince sits in on commentary and refuses to talk about what’s in the envelope. Kane jumps Taker to start and the flames go up. Taker hits Old School and the flames go up every time something hits the mat. Kane fights off an attempt to put him in the fire and kicks Taker in the face. A powerslam puts Taker down again and Kane chokes away a bit.

Kane fires off some uppercuts as Taker is next to the ropes. The camera shots are mainly from ground level so it’s really hard to see through the fire. Paul Bearer shows up at ringside with a box for Vince. Taker is sent hard into the corner as Vince won’t open his present. Vince finally opens the box (“We can put Undertaker’s ashes in here.”) and finds….a teddy bear.

McMahon gets up from the table and looks up at Undertaker while walking at Paul. He asks Paul what he’s doing with the bear as Taker is thrown over the flames and out to the floor. Kane misses a dive off the top and hits the announce table as Vince stares at the bear. Vince looks broken as Taker is sent into the steps. Kane tries a big boot but Taker grabs the foot and puts it in the fire for the win.

Rating: D. This was barely a wrestling match as the majority of it was spent on a bear that was delivered to a billionaire by a former mortician. Did I mention this is the height of Russo’s influence? At the same time though, it’s also near the height of the show’s ratings, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. The match barely existed.

Post match Taker takes the bear and burns it, bringing Vince to his knees to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade. They’re starting the build up for Wrestlemania, but all the insane drama with the Undertaker and Vince lead to such a ridiculous conclusion that it’s hard to take this seriously. That being said, when this was first happening, I was glued to the TV set every Monday watching this and being very grateful that Nitro had a replay just after Raw ended. The show wasn’t terrible but it was all drama and little action, making it a typical 1999 Raw.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: May 2, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

It’s another taped show tonight and shockingly enough, Sting is back. Yes for probably the tenth time in his TNA history, Sting has made a big return to take up the TNA torch and save the company from whatever the latest threat is. In this case it’s the bikers of Aces and 8’s, who still are pretty lame aside from Bully Ray. Let’s get to it.

After the usual recap, here’s Hogan to open things up. He immediately calls out Sting for a face to face chat to clear the air up to this point. Hogan talks about how they almost came to blows last week, but he knows when he’s right and when he’s wrong. He’s had a lot of stuff going on lately and he made a big mistake by pushing Sting away. They should have been working together the entire time and that’s on Hogan as well.

Sting says that they’re together right now and that’s what the fans want to see. He wants another six man tag with himself and two other guys against Aces and 8’s. Hogan says sure but tonight, we need a new #1 contender for Slammiversary. This brings out Morgan who says this is where Sting is handed another title shot. Hogan says no more mistakes and no more handouts, so tonight it’s Sting vs. Morgan for the title shot.

Chris Sabin is back next.He talks about doing whatever it took to get back to the ring. That was his goal and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.

Kurt Angle has issued an open challenge to Aces and 8’s for tonight.

Chris Sabin vs. Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner is in the next three way title match along with King and whoever didn’t get pinned in the last title match. Sabin has the Hail Sabin music here instead of the Motor City Machine Guns’ music. The referee camera is back for this match again. Ion gets caught in between the other two guys before being knocked out to the floor.

Dutt snaps off a quick rana on Sabin and hooks an armbar, but has to stop to knock Zema to the floor. An enziguri puts Dutt down for two for Sabin but Ion comes in with a sunset flip, sending Dutt flying via a German suplex from Sabin. With Sabin down, Ion drops Dutt onto the top rope as we’re told that Suicide will be in the next X-Division qualifying match.

We get some overly complicated three way near falls followed by a sliding dropkick to Ion’s head. A spinning DDT puts Sabin down and a running shooting star press gets two for Sonjay. Ion hits a snap DDT for two on Dutt as we see that X-Cam thing. Dutt hits a low superkick on Ion but gets powerbombed down by Sabin, but Chris picks him back up into a Death Valley Driver onto Ion for no cover. With Dutt in the Tree of Woe, Sabin throws Ion into Sonjay before hitting a scoop sitout brainbuster on Ion for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: C. These matches are already getting old. We get it: they can have three way matches with a lot of cool spots in them. Can the X guys do ANYTHING else? As in event a one on one match? No? Well of course not because why have two guys in the ring when you can have THREE? This division is dying and it’s dying in a hurry.

Robbie E and Jesse plot against Rob Terry. Their plan: get Joey Ryan to help them.

Bully yells at Aces and 8’s for Hogan and Sting mocking them earlier. Ray says he can beat either Sting or Morgan. As for tonight, it’s about Kurt Angle. Ray wants him taken out tonight and D’Lo steps up to do the deed.

Robbie E/Joey Ryan/Jesse Godderz vs. Rob Terry

Ryan gets to start and backs in to the monster. A quick backdrop puts Ryan down but Godderz pulls Rob’s trunks for a distraction. They try to triple team Terry until it’s Joey going after the big man’s knee. Off to Robbie for some shots to a downed monster followed by a sleeper. Terry stands up and backs Robbie into the corner to escape. Robbie takes him down again and it’s off to Joey but all three guys wind up coming in. Robbie shrugs all of them off and runs them all down before picking up Robbie and Jesse at the same time. The over the shoulder spinebuster ends Ryan at 3:34. Apparently it’s called the Beast Bomb.

Rating: D. We get it: Rob Terry is strong. The problem is there’s not much for him to gain by just destroying sleazy characters like these guys. The Rob vs. Robbie feud is long past dead but since the writers in TNA can’t focus on more than one story at once, we need to keep this going even longer.

Here are Aries and Roode to talk about Bad Influence trying to restart Fourtune. Roode isn’t thrilled with the idea and Aries thinks they were lying. Roode and Aries don’t like each other like Bad Influence does….and here are Daniels and Kazarian. Daniels says that Roode and Aries are right in that it’s about the titles but they’re wrong by saying they’re the best tag team in the world. Roode and Aries knows they’re just a pale imitation of Bad Influence. Roode says they’re awesome but Kaz calls Roode and Aries Bad Influence Lite.

This brings out the tag champions who says that there’s a special referee for the #1 contenders tag match next week. It’s James Storm for no apparent reason whatsoever, but it’s yet another reason he can’t move up on the card. Storm hands out beers and stands with the champion.

Sting goes in to see Angle behind closed doors.

Tara and Gail complain about Taryn Terrell. They’re in a tag match tonight apparently. Tara leaves and Gail says she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

Sabin says it’s great to be back in the ring.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Lo Brown

Before the match, Brown says we make it an I Quit match. He jumps Angle to start but Kurt easily takes him to the mat as you would expect him to. Anderson tells the rest of the bikers to stay back as the guys head to the floor. Brown misses a hammer shot against the post but manages to pull Angle’s arm into the post. Back inside and D’Lo goes after the arm with a bunch of basic stuff.

We get a wristlock into a cross armbreaker but Angle fights up into a quickly broken ankle lock. Off to a cobra clutch on Kurt but he Hulks Up and rolls some six straight German suplexes. Brown breaks the ankle lock again and busts out a Samoan drop of all things. D’Lo loads up a powerbomb but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock for the submission at 8:02.

Rating: D+. Yeah imagine that: challenging one of the best submission wrestlers ever to a submission match WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA. At the end of the day, this was D’Lo Brown trying to be a big physical threat in the year 2013. There’s only so much you can do with something like that, which shows the problem with Aces and 8’s.

Angle says he has his mind on AJ Styles and calls him out right now. Post break and Angle is still calling out AJ and finally gets him. Angle says AJ looks like he wants to take his head off, but that’s a bad idea for Styles since we’re in Angle’s hometown. Kurt says everyone wants to recruit AJ and Styles isn’t one to take the easy way. Right now though, Angle wants to know where AJ stands. If AJ is with TNA then that’s cool, but if not then they’re going to have some problems. He wants Styles to join him and Sting against Aces and 8’s next week and leaves AJ to think about it.

We recap the opening segment which set up Morgan vs. Sting tonight.

Matt Morgan says tonight he’s taking the ball and then winning the world title.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Taryn Terrell/Mickie James

Taryn gets double teamed to start until Mickie finally helps her out. The heels are rammed into each other before things get calmed down. Off to Mickie vs. Gail with James hooking a quick cross armbreaker, only to have Gail grab the rope. Gail pounds away for a bit by Mickie comes back with an enziguri knee to the head for two. Mickie is sent to the apron where she kicks Tara down, only to be knocked to the floor by Gail.

Back in and Mickie gets stomped down in the corner before Tara busts out a bridging Indian deathlock. Taryn comes in to break things up and it’s off to Gail for more slow paced punishment. Both Mickie and Gail try cross bodies and go down from the collision. The hot tag brings in Taryn as everything breaks down. In the mess, Terrell rolls up Tara for the pin at 6:27.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t terrible and the girls all looked great out there, but we need to get the title on Mickie and have her turn heel so Taryn can take the belt from her already, because this whole “she’s a rookie who gets a lot of fluke wins” deal is getting old already. Nothing to see here for the most part, much like all of tonight.

Post match they keep brawling until Gail hits Eat Defeat on Taryn and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Ray yells at Aces and 8’s for D’Lo tapping earlier. Next week it’s the Dudleys and Anderson in the six man.

Roode and Aries say they’ll win next week.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

The winner gets Bully Ray at Slammiversary. Morgan pounds away in the corner as Taz talks about how great he is in Aces and 8’s. Matt hits him with some hard clotheslines and right hands followed by a chokeslam for two. Back with Morgan ramming Sting into the barricade before heading back inside for some choking. Sting fights back on the floor with some shots into the barricade and steps. We head inside again but Sting walks into the side slam for two.

Morgan misses an elbow drop and gets caught by the Stinger Splash in the corner. Matt fights back with the rapid fire elbows and the Carbon Footprint….for two. Another Footprint hits the buckle and there’s the Scorpion Deathlock. Matt is in big trouble but never taps out. He finally makes the rope so Sting puts the hold right back on. Morgan blacks out from the pain to send Sting to Slammiversary at 13:07.

Rating: D+. As soon as I heard this match announced, I knew Sting was getting the title shot. Why did I know that? Because that’s what happens in TNA. No matter what your other options may be, at the end of the day it’s going to be Sting getting the title shot no matter what. People have been BEGGING to see Morgan elevated for years now, but let’s go with Sting again because he and Hogan have to cowboy up and fight the bikers, because that’s what people (and by that I mean Sting and Hogan) want to see.

Ray stares down Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world happened to this show? Two months ago this was the best show on TV and now it’s a nightmare. There’s WAY too much focus on Hogan and Sting while the younger guys are stashed away in the tag title scene. The stories are going nowhere, I don’t know of anyone who is dying to see Sting get ANOTHER title shot, and the AJ drama is already getting old. TNA needs to change things around, but I have a feeling they’re going to stay locked on this path for months to come.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Zema Ion and Sonjay Dutt – Scoop Michinoku Driver

Rob Terry b. Robbie E/Jesse Godderz/Joey Ryan – Beast Bomb to Ryan

Kurt Angle b. D’Lo Brown – Ankle Lock

Sting b. Matt Morgan – Scorpion Deathlock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at: