Insurrextion 2002
Date: May 4, 2002
Location: Wembley Arena, London, England
Attendance: 10,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is just after Backlash 2002 where Hogan won the world title from HHH. Naturally the Undisputed Champion isn’t here but why should he waste his time on something like that? The two most important things here though are that two days after this we GET THE F OUT and it’s WWE. This is also the debut of the single brand show, making this an historical show which is likely going to suck. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about bringing the fight across the ocean or something like that. It’s REALLY bland which is how most of these shows were.

Intercontinental Title: Eddie Guerrerovs. Rob Van Dam

This show sold out in 21 minutes apparently. Not bad.Well this should be good if nothing else. Eddie won the title at Backlash and this is one of the rematches. They trade control to start as the fans are way behind RVD. Both of these guys are incredibly fast. Catching Van Dam is like pouring smoke through a keyhole. Where does he get these metaphors? Eddie takes over as I have a feeling this is going to be the best match on the card for the rest of the night.

The fans are all over Eddie here as he puts on something like an ankle lock. You know for two guys of this caliber, this isn’t really anything special. That always plagues these shows: everything you see here has been done elsewhere and done better. That and you know there’s nothing significant coming so why bother watching? I guess that’s the benefit of being in America as we get the main stuff.

Van Dam gets us to even with a superkick which is fair since Shawn is still out hurt. Monkey flips are fun but how did they get that name I wonder. Five Star misses though and I wonder how alive Eddie’s hair is. There’s no way that’s not a creature that lives there in hiding. Eddie goes to get the belt but nails the referee for the DQ when he tries to take it from him. RVD beats him up afterwards and hits a Five Star to make the fans smile.

Rating: C+. Nothing all that great here but it was ok. A match with these two is really hard to mess up and this was certainly watchable. It just didn’t have that pop though and that hurts it a bit. It got the crowd going though so that’s the main goal. Van Dam was very exciting back around this time when he wasn’t getting old (he’s like 32 here) . He would get the title back in like a month.

Molly and Jazz get Trish and Jackie later. Molly hates Terri, the interviewer.Molly can’t act at all. This is in the virgin period which was rather funny. It ends with Terri showing her bra to the girls. This was idiotic.

Trish Stratus/Jackie vs. Molly Holly/Jazz

Trish was just starting to get the hang of wrestling here but had a long way to go. Lawler makes various sex jokes and Ross’ reaction of not getting it is great. Apparently the virgin aspect was a real life thing for Molly. That’s very awesome. Trish comes in and Lawler keeps using slang that I don’t get. I still don’t get why they picked Jazz if they wanted to have a girl from ECW. She wasn’t very well known there at all but I get the whole fighter thing.

Why do so many women use the handspring elbow? Trish throws those forearms of hers and takes Jazz down. She gets a backslide but Jackie messes things up. Yeah I’m stunned too. We get some BAD spot calling which is always fun to catch. This isn’t terrible but it’s kind of all over the place. Trish vs. Jazz or Molly would have worked much better.

Jackie gets caught in a Boston Crab and taps her fingers on the mat. STF is broken up by Trish as Lawler talks about flying puppies. Jackie hits a tornado DDT on Molly and Trish hits Stratusfaction on Jazz to get a double pin. Trish was clearly getting better and was clearly going to be a big star. Lita was out with a broken neck but she was getting back soon.

Rating: C. Not bad here at all but Jackie and Jazz kind of held it back a bit. Not that they’re bad in the ring but that they just weren’t that interesting and not a lot of people cared about them at all. This was more of a way to get Trish over than anything else which is what it was supposed to do.

X-Pac tells Hall to stay in the back for his match in a kind of pointless segment.

Bradshaw vs. X–Pac

This is NWO time here which would be done in like a month. Bradshaw kept getting little mini-pushes to see how he would handle them. He would be world champion in a little over two years though so apparently they worked. Pac has Kane’s mask for some reason that I don’t remember. Oh yeah Kane was the guardian of the NWO or something according to the Draft.

Who would have guessed that Bradshaw would be a far more successful guy in the end than Pac? The middle turnbuckle gets exposed and the referee is fine with this for some reason. He’s busted open now and Pac goes for it. This is nothing special but it’s working to fill in the time. It’s just a weird pairing though. Pac uses one of the worst chokes I’ve seen in a long time.

He does the ten punches in the corner and gets powerbombed out of his shoes. Wow my sarcasm isn’t coming at all here. Not sure if that’s because of me or the match but it’s just not there this time. I think it’s because of the match as I just do not care about this at all, but that could be the era and the British aspect. These shows all have tendencies to just not be interesting at all for obvious reasons.

Bradshaw gets a nice top rope shoulderblock which is as simple of a move as possible: just throw yourself at the other guy with as much weight as possible behind it. Fall Away Slam gets two and here’s Hall, probably to sue for copyright issues. He hits Bradshaw in the head with knunchucks for two which I thought was the finish. The Bronco Buster misses and I begin to smile. Hall interferes again and the X-Factor ends it. I hate that move.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad really which surprises me. I expected this to be pretty horrible but it really worked in the end. Pac against a big guy being watchable isn’t something I’m used to typing but this was actually decent. I’m still not sure why this was happening but they mentioned something about Austin and Bradshaw and the NWO stopping them from teaming up. I was pleasantly surprised here though.

Taker talks about beating up HHH. He’s a heel here and a real American. It’s weird hearing him talk like this.

Hardcore Title: Steven Richards vs. Booker T

Now here’s a weird pairing. Stevie has short hair here and won the title on Raw from Bubba Dudley. Booker fighting for the Hardcore Title is just weird. Richards is in long black and blue tights which look weird on him. We start breaking out the weapons with nothing being out of the ordinary. Richards throws them out as Booker throws them in. He wants a straight match with Booker?

We get a few weapons used as we realize that Booker is Booker and Richards is Richards and it just goes downhill from there for the champion. DANG that trashcan lid cracked over Booker’s head. A sidekick misses and Booker is in trouble. We get a chinlock in a hardcore match. There isn’t much going on here but to see this pairing is just odd. Also, Booker is high enough on the card that he’s in a hardcore title match? Really?

Missile dropkick into a trash can into Richards only gets two in a surprising kickout. SICK Steven Kick and down goes Booker. That looked GREAT. Booker catches him in a Book End and pins him in easily the biggest win of his career. Crash takes a Scissors Kick and Booker is a two time champion. Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer run out and beat down Booker. He fights them off and it’s Spinarooni Time! It’s also Jazz and Richards time as they come in and hit a flapjack onto the table. It doesn’t break and only gets two in a painful looking spot. Another one goes through it and Steven gets the title back and bails.

Rating: C+. The match was actually pretty entertaining. Richards could have decent matches in the ring when he was being serious as he was here. Booker beating him makes sense though as he’s a former world champion so it’s not like he was going to lose the initial match one on one. These title changes were fun for the house shows as you see multiple title changes and get to see history, but it changes really fast which makes it fun. That’s what this was: fun.

We recap Brock’s first PPV match which was a total squash of Jeff Hardy. Brock’s partner tonight is…..Shawn Stasiak? He’s completely insane here and Heyman goes over the battle plan: Brock starts, Brock finishes and Shawn never comes in. It’s so weird to look at Brock here and then as the unstoppable force that made Carwin tap.

Hardy Boys vs. Shawn Stasiak/Brock Lesnar

I can’t imagine this ends with anything other than the Hardys pinning Stasiak. Apparently Lita just got hurt and had surgery like 5 days before this so she’s gone for awhile. Stasiak runs past Brock and Heyman so he can start. They double team Shawn and it’s not pretty. Lesnar comes in and Matt beats the tar out of him. Lesnar is like boy please and just kills him with shoulders.

Brock just destroys Matt and this is fun to watch. Ross put Lesnar over like a god and that’s what he came off as. Heyman is either on a mic or really loud and his yelling is awesome. Brock misses a charge and hits the post so Shawn tags himself in. Jeff gets the hot tag and beats Shawn down before the Hardy’s usual stuff ends him. Both of them get F5s (not named yet) and Stasiak gets a powerbomb. Lesnar was freaking SCARY and still is to this day.

Rating: D+. Pretty basic match but the idea was perfect: Brock dominates but the Hardys win while keeping Brock undefeated. This was fine for what it was and a decent enough match. I still don’t get how Brock was ever allowed to leave. You pay him whatever you want and do it as fast as you can to get him to stay. Either way, he made the right choice it seems. Match was fine.

We see clips of a charity dinner last night for Make-A-Wish. Nothing wrong with that so no jokes.

Coach is with Regal who of course gets cheered. He has Spike tonight for the European Title and cuts a heel promo about it. Nothing special at all here.

European Title: Spike Dudley vs. William Regal

I can imagine someone in the crowd looking up at their mother and saying “Mummy, he weighs money?” Spike is very hated here but he should be used to that over the years. And Spike has hurt his ankle. It looks legit and the match more or less stops as the trainer comes down to check on it. They start to take him to the back and Regal jumps him, taking away any semblance of realness here. Regal beats him up but gets small packaged for the pin. Power of the Punch hits after that.

Rating: N/A. With so much of the match being based around the ankle thing you can’t really grade it fairly. I don’t really get the idea of not putting the belt on Regal here as it’s not like it meant anything and it would have given the fans a thrill. This at least wasn’t the same basic ending as always.

We recap Show vs. Austin. Flair is guest referee which started because at Backlash, Taker beat Austin but Austin had his foot on the rope. Flair was referee there too and didn’t see it which makes sense. This led to Show joining the NWO for the reason of he’s the Giant and that’s what they did in WCW so they’re going to do it here.

Big Show vs. Steve Austin

Flair is the referee and the owner of Raw at this point. He says that he’s there to keep X-Pac and Hall out. Oh he’s just the outside referee. Show is the biggest athlete in the history of sports entertainment apparently. Old school Austin music here and a great pop, but not like it used to be.

Austin flips him off to start and we stand around a lot. Ok we need to like DO something here. This was right before Austin bailed just because he was unhappy with his angles or something. We finally get some offense in as Show pounds away on Austin’s chest. This is during the WHAT period so we get it a lot.

He goes for the knees as you would expect. Why does Show think a one piece swimsuit is a good idea? The fans think Show is a big fat bastard. It’s weird to see Austin on offense this long. The straps come down and Austin is in trouble. It’s all Show for awhile here as he beats up Austin for a good bit here.

We hit a bearhug for awhile just to waste some time. Why do all bearhugs end with punches and biting? It amuses me greatly that we have Austin, perhaps the greatest brawler ever while using a move named after one of the most famous technical guys ever. Stunner hits but the referee is down. Hall and Pac come out and that goes nowhere as Flair chases them off.

Nash shows up and takes a Stunner. A jumping Stunner ends Show in a cool visual. Flair comes back and chases off Nash before we have a beer bash. Flair drinks too without being asked. Guess what happens. Flair kisses up to him for some reason and it goes nowhere. He doesn’t sell the kick at all and there it is.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring match here with not a lot actually happening. This was just a way to get the crowd excited as Austin was certainly still a big deal. He was about to start feuding with Flair which led to him leaving for about 8 months before coming back for his last match with Rock at Mania 19. Not a very good match but the fans liked it.

We recap HHH vs. Taker. Taker cost HHH the Undisputed Title at Backlash and that’s about it.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Taker’s music is dubbed over here with generic rock music even though you see Limp Biskit on the screen. Taker gets a much better pop than HHH. HHH is a Smackdown guy but since this is a grudge match it’s ok I guess. We start with a small slugout and HHH wins. Taker goes Old School but HHH “jerks him off” to escape.

We brawl on the floor again as this is far different than their really good Mania match from about 14 months before this. HHH is really good at overselling stuff. Taker goes for the knee which HHH had repaired recently. HHH comes back and the top rope breaks on an Irish Whip. You can hear them talking to make sure they know what’s going on which is always interesting.

Taker with short hair just never worked for me. He just didn’t fee right. A bunch of powerw stuff doesn’t work on him and HHH isn’t sure what to do. I think HHH countered the chokeslam into a DDT. That chokeslam hits though as the Pedigree is countered. Taker broke HHH’s heart when he cost him the title. That’s just amusing for some reason.

Taker was using a Dragon Sleeper around this time and tries to do so here but it doesn’t work. Out of nowhere HHH gets the Pedigree to end this. Yes, Taker did a perfectly clean job in the middle of the ring. I can’t believe it either.

Rating: B. This wasn’t exactly their Mania match, but it was a fun slugout and they beat the tar out of each other. Taker jobbing is always fun to see if nothing else. This was designed to be a big main event and that’s what it was. How many times do you see these two fight? It’s not a match that you get very often which is what makes it special. Taker would win the title at the next PPV.

Overall Rating: B. This was probably the best European show that I can think of. The main event was fun and we actually got some title changes although you know there should be some asterisks there. The show was fun here and everything worked very well overall. The crowd clearly was into it and for a glorified house show, this was very fun and definitely worth checking out at some point.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Smackdown
Date: May 3, 2013
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

We’re back stateside for Smackdown now with a main event of Ambrose vs. Kane. I’m liking the idea of the Shield having some singles matches as it’s the next logical step for the group at this point. You can only have so many three man combinations they can fight before the idea gets stale. Also we’re likely to get more on the triple threat title match at Extreme Rules. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of Raw with Shield pinning Cena after Ryback walked out on Cena earlier in the night.

Here’s Ryback to open the show. He says he couldn’t tag with Cena on Raw because he knew Cena was hurt. Ryback isn’t Cena’s keeper and it was Cena that lost the match against the Shield. After the match, Cena was hobbling around and in the law of the jungle, the bigger animals like Ryback always eat the smaller ones.

Ryback vs. Daniel Bryan

Bryan fires off some quick kicks to start but gets caught in the corner. Daniel goes back to the kicks to the legs but gets caught in the corner again. A powerslam puts Bryan down but Ryback spends too much time celebrating and gets kicked in the leg some more. Now Bryan is sent to the floor but he suckers Ryback down, allowing Daniel to hit the suicide dive. Back in and Ryback pounds Bryan into the corner but Daniel fires off even more kicks to the leg.

Ryback finally catches a kick coming in and shoves Bryan down. He loads up a suplex but Bryan drives knees upside down onto Ryback’s head to escape. Ryback will have none of that and throws Bryan to the floor as we take a break. Back with Ryback steadily pounding Bryan down, including blocking a sunset flip and slamming Bryan’s head into the mat over and over.

Bryan fires off about his seventh set of kicks to the leg before countering a Thesz Press into a half crab on the weakened leg. Ryback kicks away so Bryan goes with even more kicks to the leg to keep Ryback in trouble. A pair of running dropkicks in the corner stagger Ryback and a missile dropkick takes him down for two. The crowd is getting way into this.

Bryan tries another kick but gets caught in a powerbomb position, only to catch Ryback in a rana out to the floor. Ryback catches Bryan diving at him through and sends him spine first into the post. Back in and Ryback plants him down with a slam followed by the Meathook. Bryan gets Shell Shocked down for the pin at 9:39 shown of 13:09.

Rating: B-. This is what Ryback is perfect for: marching through people after being in some trouble. It makes him look like a monster again and was a completely clean pin. Bryan threw everything he had at him and just couldn’t stop him. That’s the kind of stuff you need from a monster and Ryback looked good in the process.

We look at the triple threat from Monday and Del Rio announcing the triple threat at the PPV to be a ladder match.

Ricardo Rodriguez says a lot of stuff in Spanish very quickly until Del Rio comes up to say calm down.

Fandango vs. Zach Ryder

Ryder takes him down with an armdrag for two but Fandango kicks him in the head to take over. Fandango ties him up in the ropes and fires off some hard forearms to the back of Ryder’s head for two. Ryder gets up a pair of knees in the corner and hits the middle rope missile dropkick for two. The Broski Boot connects for another near fall but the Rough Ryder is countered into a hot shot. Fandango’s guillotine legdrop ends Ryder at 2:20.

Kaitlyn is in the back with a bouquet of roses and has gotten a love text. Natalya and Khali tell her to relax like Khali does.

We recap the Make-A-Wish stuff with Cena from Raw.

Zeb Colter tells “Rhonda” Young that he was sick on Monday when he lost in the triple threat match. Also, Ricardo Rodriguez stole from him on Monday so tonight they have a rematch.

Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter

Ziggler and AJ are on commentary with Langston next to them. In other words, all seven people are here. Colter slaps him to start so Ricardo grabs his beard. Zeb goes to the mat on all fours so Ricardo rides him like a horse for a bit. Colter comes back with some right hands but Ricardo sends him into the corner. Thankfully this boring match is ended with Swagger running in to take out Ricardo for the DQ at 1:50.

Del Rio knocks Swagger to the floor and here’s Teddy to make it a tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger

This is joined in progress after the break with Swagger working over Ricardo. The tag brings in Del Rio for the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Codebreaker onto the arm but Swagger blocks the armbreaker. Not that it matters as Ziggler and Langston run in for the DQ at 1:50.

Now Teddy makes it a triple threat tag match.

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston/Dolph Ziggler

Del Rio and Swagger start things off with Alberto dropping him down with a clothesline and tagging in Ricardo. After Rodriguez does little of note it’s back to Del Rio who walks into a dropkick from Ziggler. Off to Langston as our brilliant commentators talk about how Del Rio and Swagger are favored in the ladder match because they’ve both won MITB before. As their short term memory failure melts my brain, Langston runs over Del Rio in the corner and it’s back to the world champion.

Del Rio launches Ziggler into the air and lets him crash down to the mat. He’s too spent to follow up though and Dolph takes him down with a neckbreaker. Back to Langston for more of his power, including ramming Del Rio into the corner. Ziggy misses a splash though and Del Rio gets the hot tag. House is cleaned and it’s Colter left all alone with Alberto. Ziggler makes the save for Colter for no apparent reason and DDTs Alberto for two. Langston runs over Ricardo but gets powerslammed down by Swagger. Alberto enziguris Swagger to the floor and gets rolled up by Swagger for two. The cross armbreaker makes Dolph tap at 4:50.

Rating: D+. Well this was worthless, but at least we got the world champion to lose again! I mean, Heaven forbid he gets to keep the momentum he gained on Monday or something stupid like that. This 50/50/50 booking is doing nothing for anyone as the winner of the triple threat is only going to decide who didn’t lose last, which doesn’t make for much of a champion.

We hear someone getting beaten up off camera followed by Shield popping up. They say they took out Undertaker and after tonight, Kane will believe in the Shield. The camera pans down to show that it was Bryan who was attacked.

Video on HHH accepting Lesnar’s challenge.

Bryan gets looked at in the back.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton hits a quick shot to the jaw and Sandow is frustrated early. A shoulder block puts Sandow down but he comes back with a knee to the ribs and a knee drop for two. Randy easily fights out of a chinlock (is there a bigger expert on that hold than Orton?) and there’s the powerslam on Damien. The Elevated DDT is broken up with a backdrop to the apron and Sandow guillotines him onto the top rope.

We take a break and come back with Orton suplexing his way out of a headlock. A short DDT gets a delayed two count for Sandow as JBL says Sandow has been in his element these last few months. Is there another modern Genius running around that I’ve been missing? Wind-Up elbow gets two but Orton fires off some headbutts to escape. A dropkick puts Sandow down as does a backdrop, followed by the Elevated DDT. RKO ends this at 5:05 shown of 8:35.

Rating: C. This is another match that we’ve seen over and over again with nothing much coming from it. It’s like everyone has a designated opponent anymore and the winners and losers never change at all. Nothing of note to see here but it was a glorified squash for Orton. When is the last time Sandow won a match anyway?

Post match here’s Big Show to tell Orton that he’s awesome in singles matches, but he’s terrible in a team. When Orton is in a team it’s all about him. At Wrestlemania, if Show had gotten the tag, they might have won and Orton wouldn’t have been knocked out. Sandow uses the distraction to hit the Terminus. Big Show laughs a lot and says that’s nothing compared to what he’ll do to Orton at Extreme Rules. I think that was a challenge.

Kane walks out of the trainer’s room and says he’ll make the Shield pay for what they did to Daniel and Undertaker. He knows he’s going to get beaten up tonight but he’s taking down as many of them as he can with him.

The Raw Rebound is the same thing that opened the show: the end of the six man tag and Ryback reappearing.

Now we get an arm wrestling contest between Sheamus and Mark Henry. On the way to the ring, Cole and JBL drop the names of famous arm wrestlers that no one will remember in a few seconds. Henry of course dominates but Sheamus wants to try it left handed. After a lot of goading, Henry finally agree. The fans chant for Henry as they’re getting ready. As he’s about to lose, Sheamus punches him in the face and lays Henry out with the Brogue Kick. The fans did seem to like the kick.

We get a clip of Shield taking out Undertaker last week.

Video on the European tour.

Kane vs. Dean Ambrose

Reigns has Bryan’s tag title belt. Kane swings his belt to chase the Shield off and throws Reigns over the announce table and Rollins into the crowd. Now we head inside for the actual match and Kane pounds Ambrose down into the corner. They head to the floor where Ambrose is dropped throat first onto the barricade and kicked in the side of the head before they head back in. A running elbow puts Dean down and Kane throws him to the floor again as we take a break.

Back with Ambrose working on Kane’s leg as momentum has shifted. Ambrose snaps the leg down and bends it around the rope. Dean says this is justice as he works over the leg. Rollins and Reigns are back up and talking trash of their own as Ambrose hits a running clothesline in the corner. The bad leg is wrapped around the post but the referee makes Dean let him go.

Back in and Kane fires back before hitting the side slam for two. The top rope clothesline puts Ambrose down and Kane is smiling evily. Ambrose escapes the chokeslam but Kane escapes the DDT. A chokeslam puts Ambrose down but Kane doesn’t cover. Instead we get a throat slit and it’s time for a Tombstone but Kane has to kick Rollins off the apron. They head to the floor and Kane sends Reigns into the steps. Back in and Dean takes the leg out before hitting a falling forward bulldog for the pin at 7:03 shown of 10:33. I really hope that isn’t his finishing move.

Rating: C. This was fine. Kane knew he was in over his head but he gave it everything he had which is the right idea for a match like this. A win over Kane is still worth a little something and the win for the titles will be worth even more at Extreme Rules. I’d prefer they went after the world title instead of the tag titles but I guess any gold is better than none.

Post match Kane tells all of the Shield to come get him and it goes exactly as you would expect it to go. The TripleBomb ends the show and Shield takes both title belts.

Overall Rating: D+. Let’s look at this: similar matches, similar story development, almost nothing new at all. This was a supplement to Raw and that’s exactly what Smackdown doesn’t need to be. Last week was FAR better with good matches and some fun stuf. This was basically there to further what we got on Raw while adding nothing new. That’s not an interesting show and could have been accomplished with a series of video packages, making this show pretty much worthless.

Results

Ryback b. Daniel Bryan – Shell Shock

Fandango b. Zack Ryder – Guillotine Legdrop

Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter via DQ when Jack Swagger interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger via DQ when Dolph Ziggler and Big E. Langston interfered

Alberto Del Rio/Ricardo Rodriguez b. Zeb Colter/Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler/Big E. Langston – Cross armbreaker to Ziggler

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow – RKO

Dean Ambrose b. Kane – Falling bulldog

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Wrestlepalooza 1998
Date: May 3, 1998
Location: Cobb County Civic Center, Marietta, Georgia
Attendance: 3,401
Commentator: Joey Styles

It’s been two months since Living Dangerously and not a lot has changed. It’s still Snow vs. Douglas as Snow’s insane rise in popularity continues. Candido and Storm are still champions that hate each other and are defending the belts tonight in a storyline that NO ONE has ever seen before. Van Dam has begun his two year long reign with the title and has his first big defense tonight: he’s fighting Sabu. Oh this could hurt a lot. Let’s get to this as the card looks somewhere between bad and ok.

We do the intro video before the show introduction this time which I like a lot better. The other way just takes me out of the show for some reason. It usually feels like they forgot to do the show opening or something and then went back to it.

F.B.I. vs. BWO

Suddenly I want some alphabet soup. It’s Tracy Smothers and Guido vs. Super Nova and Blue Meanie. The BWO itself is actually over and dead but they both wear blue and team together still so there we are. I want to hit Tommy Rich. The guy is just freaking annoying. He gets a huge SCREW YOU chant directed at him so at least Georgia fans are intelligent. Nova and Guido, the two talented guys, start us out.

Nova is a superhero by the way. Meanie is just a fat guy that has nothing else going for him. Nova is well known for having a very unorthodox offense and it’s on display here. Meanie comes in and Rich says we need to have a dance contest. And the referee dances too. THANKFULLY Smothers jumps Meanie to end this mindlessness. And the referee slams both heels to get two on Smothers. What the heck am I watching???

Finally we get something sensible as Smothers hits a nice bicycle kick to Nova’s head. Meanie can’t even get into the ring correctly. This is what critics mean when they say this company was a joke. When you’re that sloppy, you have no business being in a ring on a major show at all. Meanie misses the moonsault, which is just about the only move Meanie could do without injuring someone else. Nova hits a downward spiral for the pin. And the faces do the YMCA afterwards. My head hurts again.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t bad, but for the most part it was an unfunny comedy match. Nova was cool, but other than that there was just noting at all that stood out here for me. Meanie was just a fat load that never did anything of note outside of ECW (Bluedust was nothing of note and yes I know he was in WWF for awhile) and the FBI were always annoying to me. It’s not bad but it’s nothing to write home about, or better yet it’s nothing to review. Wait what?

We recap Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck. This feud is STILL going? This was just a way to get Justin over which completely failed as there was one simple problem: Justin wasn’t any good. Paul kept trying to tell us he was but it simply wasn’t there. Justin got pushed until the company folded and was getting said push over guys like RVD. That should explain a lot to you.

Justin Credible vs. Mikey Whipwreck

So Mikey’s destroyed knee is all of a sudden fine. Good to know. He gets some good punches in and we’re on the floor already. They throw Justin into the crowd and he more or less crushes a fan. I get that this is a different kind of company, but dude, don’t half crush your fans. Justin shoves Mikey off the apron so that he crashes into the guard rail. We have our first chair of the evening and Mikey takes a SICK bump into it.

That looked like it would have nearly killed him but of course he’s fine. The fans chant Aldo at Justin. He was Aldo Montoya in WWF in case you didn’t know that. If nothing else he gets a nice counter to the Whippersnapper (Stunner, which Mikey used way before Austin) by just hooking him in a reverse DDT. It was very nice indeed. These fans are really annoying.

I get that they’re a major aspect of ECW, but to fans like me who aren’t huge fans and are the audience that ECW needed to grab in order to stay in business, they’re very annoying indeed. Justin gets suplexed through a table which of course is impressive even though we see it about five times a show.

And now it’s just about the chair and nothing else. It’s just big spot, two count, chair spot, two count, big spot, two count over and over again. Chastity, the valet of Credible, takes a BAD Whippersnapper off the top. And Justin gets the tombstone out of nowhere onto the chair for the pin. I hated that ending.

Rating: D+. So in other words, Justin lost twice in a row but he gets a more or less fluke win here and he wins the feud. ECW and most other wrestling companies have a major problem with this and it drives me insane. Just because you win the last match in a feud doesn’t mean you win the feud. Take Dreamer vs. Raven for example: Dreamer “won” the feud, but he lost probably 100 times and got one victory. How does that make him the winner?

As for this match, the ending was just big spot after big spot and then Justin got the tombstone for the random pin. That’s supposed to make sense I guess. Justin, who is supposed to be the best wrestler in the world according to Heyman, did nothing other than a throw into the guard rail all match but hits one big move to win the thing. That’s GREAT wrestling indeed Paul.

Rotten and Mahoney want their shot at the titles. They demand a shot and just get one. Ok then.

ECW Tag Titles: Hardcore Chair Swinging Freaks vs. Chris Candido/Lance Storm

They still hate each other and even though they don’t get along and fight each other, they manage to beat every team in the company as they do it. Don’t you just love Heyman’s brilliance? Mind you the challengers were in the arena to make their challenge yet the champions are here first. In a funny spot, they argue over who gets top billing. Oh I get it now: the champions came to the ring and were introduced before they actually accepted the challenge. Is Heyman even thinking?

The Freaks are Axl Rotten and Balls Mahoney in case you were wondering. To my surprise we start with a wrestling sequence. Something tells me this isn’t going to last long. Good night Balls Mahoney is worthless. Rotten is trying to wrestle which works ok but it’s hard to take a guy who wrestles for a team called the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks seriously. They do a standard tag match here and it’s really not that bad. I’m very surprised. Rotten throws chops and the fans WOO.

They start a BRING IN FLAIR chant and my head begins to hurt. First off, just no. Second off, isn’t that exactly what ECW is supposed to be against? Third of all, I love how they just assume Heyman can afford that. The fans were stupid at times and were dragged around by Heyman by their noses. It’s really pathetic at times. Sunny shows up and the champions fight over Storm saving her. “Hey! You keep your hands off my fiancé! If she dies who cares??? YOU JUST STAY AWAY!”

And now we get to the flat out stupid part of the match. Balls hits his finisher. There’s no one around. They should win the titles. He goes to get a chair. That’s almost understandable I guess. Now let’s have the stupid part. He turns around with the chair in his hand and Storm jumps up with a springboard to come at Mahoney.

What does he do you ask? Does he throw the chair at Storm? Does he, oh I don’t know, MOVE? Nope. He puts the chair in front of his face so Storm can kick it into Balls’ head. That was just pathetic looking. On and Candido hits Storm with the chair so he can get the pin and they fight back to the locker room. This has NEVER been done before!

Rating: C+. Other than the freaking idiotic stuff at the end, this was ok. The key thing: for the most part they kept things toned down and had a wrestling match. Since Barely Legal they’ve toned the violence down a good bit and it’s been helping a lot. This was ok and would have been a lot better had the ending not sucked as much.

Ad for the merchandise catalogue and Heat Wave 98. That one’s coming soon.

We have a “Legends” ceremony from earlier. It’s Junkyard Dog, Dick Slater, Masked Superstar (Ax from Demolition) and Bullet Bob Armstrong. You know, a bunch of old NWA guys, because ECW and the NWA got along SO well. This was a nice idea, but when you look at it this was just stupid.

Shane Douglas, who is apparently held together with tape at this point, is brought out to be told about how tough he is. So despite all these injuries, it’s fairly obvious he’ll win tonight. We’ll get to the pure idiocy of this later. He runs down the WWF and Shawn, who had just left with the broken back that kept him out for four and a half years. Oh and he runs Flair down too. If Shane drew in the entire run of ECW what Flair or Shawn drew in a single year, I’d be stunned.

This is just Shane saying how great he is and how tough he is and how tonight might be his last match. Taz comes out to tease their showdown. Nope, we’ve still got another 8 months before that because the top face vs. the top heel isn’t a match we can have when the fans are begging for it of course. We get what might be the first F Bomb on an ECW PPV. Taz demands the Title be handed to him instead of you know, winning it.

Taz does a weird looking choke out that wasn’t the Tazmission and security breaks it up. Like I said, this match wouldn’t happen for EIGHT MONTHS. What they were waiting on is beyond me. Bigelow comes out to fight Taz and that’s broken up too. They handcuff Taz and arrest him for no logical reason as Shane is spitting up blood. I love how Shane runs down Shawn but he’s going to do the same thing: make this big come from behind win over Snow which makes NO sense but they did it anyway so Shane can look awesome all over again.

Oh dang it we have a New Jack match now.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. New Jack

SCREW THIS FREAKING SONG!!! Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? New Jack is going to get destroyed other than some weapons shots because the guy can’t wrestle a freaking match to save his life but hey, let’s play his blasted song while he’s getting killed. Yep, 30 seconds in and we have weapons. Why is this appealing at all? It’s just mindless violence that has no business being called wrestling.

Bigelow is better than this on so many levels and it’s not even funny. We’re in the crowd now as that song is still playing. Bigelow just throws chairs at him as this is supposed to be entertaining. I get that some fans want this, but it makes the whole company look amateurish as a result. If this was still a regional promotion, this would be just fine. But it’s not a regional company anymore.

They wanted to go national but they can’t let go of the hardcore nonsense and it’s really hurting the product quite a bit. This is going to get at least ten minutes of about three hours. And New Jack jumps off a balcony with a guitar shot to Bigelow’s head. So even though that should likely kill both of them, the fans cheer.

And now let’s just lay around for awhile because that’s a great use of PPV time. Ok to be fair almost all wrestling companies do the laying around thing. Bigelow hits the Greetings From Asbury Park which doesn’t connect at all but whatever. At least it’s over.

Rating: F. I get why it’s here, but it still sucked and was completely worthless. At least we get Welcome to the Jungle. I hate these matches or whatever they are.

We see Dreamer and Sandman getting beaten up by the Dudleys set to a ballad of all things. That was odd.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Sandman cuts off the always funny Gertner entrance but the song makes up for it a bit. Beaulah is about as close to perfect as you can get. This is another “grudge” match where the grudge was developed between PPVs with no explanation as to what started it or any useless information like that. I get that Sandman’s entrance is cool, but they need to cut a minute or two out of it as it just goes on forever. Yep this is going to be a massive brawl because it’s been a full 4 minutes since we saw one of those.

And there’s the first table and my eyes roll immediately. This of course devolves into a massive brawl that has no semblance of anything noteworthy at all. We get some great shots of Beaulah and that’s about it. Sandman leaves because of his neck and after about five minutes of Tommy being murdered, Spike more or less replaces Sandman.

He gets a 3D for trying to save Beaulah but Sandman comes back in a neck brace. Yeah because he was able to see the doctor and the doctor released him inside of five minutes I guess. A pair of DDTs end this and the Dudleys lose.

Rating: D-. Only reason this isn’t failing is I’ve always thought Beaulah was beyond sexy. This was just ridiculous as Dreamer survived what should have killed him to come back and be fine. It was just a total mess and it wasn’t entertaining for the most part. They had no idea what to do with the Dudleys at this point.

So Sabu had a TV Title shot here tonight against Bigelow and he sent RVD, his partner, in to beat Bigelow up a bit but Van Dam wound up winning the title, leading to this. That’s actually decent.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

Something tells me we’re going to have a ton of weapons here and I base that on the fact that it’s a Sabu match. Van Dam gets on the mic after they feel each other out a bit and says this isn’t going to happen and it was a plan. Sabu of course goes after him anyway and makes the speech completely pointless. They actually go four minutes with no weapons. That has to be a record of some kind for Sabu.

We go back to the ring at about 8 minutes in for a change of pace. Oh never mind the chair is there with him. And hey we go back to the floor AGAIN. Joey talks about how brutal it is. I couldn’t agree more. In an impressive spot, Van Dam manages to crotch himself on the guard rail when there’s no guard rail underneath him. Joey: Sabu is deadly at throwing chairs. That can’t be a good sign.

Sabu of course kicks out of the Van Daminator and the Five Star because that’s perfectly reasonable. We’ve been going about half an hour now and I think I know what’s coming. I know this isn’t a lot of text for that long of a match but it’s been about 15 minutes of them just wasting time or laying around or setting up tables and chairs.

There’s been more or less nothing of note here and I’m sure some ECW fan will explain to me that I just don’t get this match and why it’s so great. I’d love one day to watch one of these shows with an ECW fan and hear them try to defend it. Sabu kicks out of the Five Star through a table. Yep that’s perfectly realistic. The move known as Starship Pain gets two and then Sabu gets two and the bell rings for the STUPID time limit draw. They yell at each other for a long time.

Rating: D. There were some interesting drama spots near the end but for the most part this match sucked. There was so much time spent laying around and ridiculous kicking out of moves that it just stopped being interesting. Most of it was on the floor and Sabu of course botched half of what he did. This was ridiculous and the third match in a row that was stupid beyond belief, and considering the obvious ending coming up, this isn’t going to be a highly received show.

We hear from Shane who reminds us that he’s VERY hurt. We get WAY too long of a recap of Shane’s career and a quick thing from Snow saying he’ll win.

ECW World Title: Al Snow vs. Shane Douglas

So Snow is more or less the hottest thing in the company’s history as everyone likes him and he’s having the best matches of his career. Shane is hurt beyond belief here so to have him win would tick off the audience and completely bury Snow more or less guarantees that Shane will keep the belt here. This starts off like a good showdown match: with both guys being in control for a good while.

This is actually decent stuff with both guys only using a chair. Snow actually kicks out of the belly to belly suplex which anywhere else would be nothing but here it’s a big deal apparently. There’s also no interference for the most part until the locker room empties to watch the match. After a Francine run in, Snow goes up top for a sunset flip which completely misses and Shane drops down for the pin.

The fans go DEAD. I mean they are as quiet as any fans ever have been in ECW history. This was just freaking stupid booking and you can tell Joey thinks so too. This would have been like Austin losing to Michaels at Mania 14.

Rating: D+. And that’s being generous. The problem was that Heyman had booked himself into a corner as he had Taz vs. Shane which he had to build to but Snow was WAY more over than both guys and should have won the title here. However, it had to be about Shane again who no one cared about other than like 8 people. Again, he held the title EIGHT more months after this, FINALLY losing it to Taz in January before leaving a little while later.

The problem was that Snow or Taz should have had the title but by the time they pulled the trigger with Taz the company was in major trouble. Snow was literally on Raw the next night and not seen in ECW again, and why should he have been? He just lost the biggest push of his career and was more or less crippled so that Shane Douglas could get another big push. And people wonder why ECW isn’t around today.

Overall Rating: F. This show was just bad as NOTHING happened here. Seriously, the TV Title match goes to a draw, Heyman’s idiocy eats Al Snow for a solid meal, the Storm/Candido feud is STILL going on and burying a team at a time, Sandman and Dreamer beat the best team in the company despite one being in a neck brace and Credible is apparently cool for beating up a comedy champion.

What was the point here? The Snow thing is just inexcusable, period. It’s stupid stuff like this that caused Heyman to be out of business and he should be considering this crap. Oh and someone PLEASE defend RVD vs. Sabu. I want you to.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 22, 1999
Location: UTC Arena, Chattanooga, Tennessee
Attendance: 7,900
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re about five weeks from Wrestlemania and it’s been awhile since I’ve looked at Raw from this year. The main story going on right now is that Rock is the world champion again and Big Show is now around as Vince’s latest heavy. The main event tonight is Kane vs. Undertaker in an inferno match, which is a pretty big deal for Raw. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from last week with Big Show costing Mankind the world title last week in the ladder match.

Here’s Vince to open things up. He tells us that tonight is not a night for the squeamish because tonight we’re roasting human flesh. This is payback against Undertaker for his threats against Vince. Presumably they’re talking about the envelope from last week but the contents weren’t explained yet. Now let’s talk about Wrestlemania and what might be the most electrifying WWF Title match in history. A guy in the crowd has a sign made up like a street corner with Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive.

Vince brings out Paul Wight, who would become known as Big Show and will be refereeing the Rock vs. Austin match in five weeks. Show says he’s walked out of a nightmare and promises that the WWF will never be the same again. In two days, Austin went flying through a steel cage (and beat your boss at the same time Big Show) and then Mankind lost the WWF Title.

Now here’s Rock to a pretty big face pop. Vince gives him an intro like only a wrestling promoter can. Now we get the ROCKY SUCKS chants to make things all better. Rock isn’t pleased with Big Show taking credit for Rock being WWF Champion. Show says he said it and he’s surprised Rock heard it through that thick skull of his. Rock wants to know who Big Show thinks he is because he should know his role and shut his mouth. Show tells the Pebble to close his mouth before Show closes it with his fist. Rock’s ready to go and they get nose to nose, but here’s Mankind.

He wants to be the guest referee for the main event and to prove what he’s capable of, he wants to referee Rock vs. Big Show tonight. Even Socko has a referee shirt painted on. Big Show likes the idea of a title match tonight and the fans seems interested as well. Rock says let’s to it and I guess we have a second main event.

Post break the Corporation has to keep Rock and Big Show apart in the back.

Brood vs. Public Enemy

Yeah ECW’s Public Enemy had a cup of coffee in the WWF. The Brood is Gangrel and Edge here and they’re part of the Ministry. They jump Public Enemy as they come in and send the two ECW guys together to take over. Edge dives on Rocco in the corner but Grunge trips them up and takes both Brood members out with a double bulldog. A hiptoss into a double kind of powerbomb puts Gangrel down but not for a cover. Instead they hit the Quebecers’ old Cannonball move onto Gangrel but Christian runs in for the DQ. This was barely 90 seconds long.

Public Enemy leaves but gets a blood bath for their efforts.

During the break the Ministry beat up the Brood for losing the match.

Ken Shamrock vs. Billy Gunn

The winner gets an Intercontinental Title shot at Wrestlemania. Val Venis, the champion, is on commentary. Billy can’t quite do the Outlaws entrance like Roadie can. It’s a brawl on the floor to start before we head inside. Billy misses a splash in the corner as Val makes a lot of sex jokes. The belly to belly gets two for Shamrock but Gunn comes back with a Fameasser. Shamrock looks…..how would you put it……he looks like a confused Sylvester Stallone.

Anyway Ken comes back up with a hard clothesline as Val makes erection jokes. The leg lariat sets up a standing rana on Billy, sending him to the floor. Val throws him back in but Shamrock jumps Val as a result. Gunn goes to the floor as well and the big brawl causes the match to be thrown out.

Rating: D+. Shamrock was good but the jokes on commentary sounded like they were from a 12 year old. The three way feud was interesting, but Billy wouldn’t wrestle either guy at Wrestlemania for reasons of Russo stupidity. This solved nothing but there are still several weeks until Wrestlemania.

Vince tries to talk Rock down but Rock will have none of it.

Here’s Women’s Champion Sable as her heel turns continues. Sable talks about how the fans aren’t taken aback by her recent actions, but rather they’re just in awe. She brags about being on Regis and Kathy Lee before stopping to talk to her obsessed fan Tori. This time Tori gets to come into the ring and introduce herself. Tori talks about all the things she admires about Sable but Sable calls her pathetic and says Tori needs to get a life.

As Tori is about to cry, here’s Luna to speak very humbly. She says that everyone can’t be as beautiful as Sable. Everyone has to play the cards they’re dealt but they don’t use people like Sable does. The only reason Sable is Women’s Champion is because of her looks. Well that and the willingness to take off her clothes for Playboy but that isn’t mentioned. Sable says she only cares about the men and Luna needs to reshuffle the deck if she doesn’t like her cards. As the champion is about to leave she lays out Luna and Tori with the belt.

Now Vince tries to talk Show down but he wants the shot tonight. He makes a good point by saying whoever wins, the belt will still be in the Corporation.

Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. D’Lo Brown

Owen and Jeff are tag champions and took out Brown’s partner Mark Henry recently. The champions jump Brown to start until we get down to just Jeff in the ring. A quick Sky High gets two on Jarrett but Owen comes in with a surprise bulldog to take over. Owen comes in legally and gets two off the enziguri before it’s back to Jeff for a middle rope ax handle to the face. Brown fights out of the corner and takes both champions down, but here are Terri and Jacqueline with the latter dropkicking Brown into a spinwheel kick from Owen for the pin.

Rating: D. Have I ever mentioned how much I can’t stand Jacqueline? Her mere presence brings a match downhill as she’s so ridiculously annoying that I hate the match that much more. The PMS vs. Brown feud would go on for far longer than anyone cared and would stop Brown’s momentum. The tag division was in such a mess at this point and it would take the Dudleys to save it.

Post match the champions beat down D’Lo.

Mankind practices being a referee in the back.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Paul Wight

Vince comes out to try to calm them down again and Mankind is guest referee. Rock tells Vince to go do commentary because he doesn’t want to be in the middle of this fight. The bell rings…..and it’s a setup as they both jump Mankind. Vince: “THIS IS FUN!”

Mankind gets beaten down by all three guys.

The Corporation celebrates post match.

Steve Blackman vs. Droz

Droz, who is just back from a two week suspension for attacking Kevin Kelly, jumps Blackman to start. A quick sunset flip gets two for Steve but a jumping elbow drop gets the same for Droz. Steve is sent to the floor as this match is hardly keeping people’s attention. Droz misses a middle rope elbow and Steve comes back with basic strikes. An elbow drop gets two for Blackman as does a powerslam for Droz. The bicycle kick gets the pin for Blackman.

Rating: D. Does this need an explanation? I didn’t think so.

Post match Droz lays out Blackman with Steve’s martial arts sticks.

Vince tells Kane to make Undertaker burn.

Undertaker gives one of those evil promos where he talks about serving his master. He isn’t afraid of the inferno match at all. There’s a surprise for Vince tonight.

Goldust vs. Val Venis

Non-title here. Goldust takes him down to start and pounds away in the corner, only to be run over by a Venis clothesline out of the corner. An elbow drop misses and Goldie goes after the knee with some kicks and a shinbreaker. Val comes back with some running knees into the ribs and a Russian legsweep for no cover. We get the bump and grind from Venis and a spinebuster gets no cover on Goldie. Val tries a leapfrog but crotches himself in the process, sending him out to the floor. Venis pulls him out as well as the Blue Meanie is here. With Goldust thrown back inside, Meanie lays Val out with a DDT, giving Goldust the pin.

Rating: D+. Again not much to see here but this would lead to the bizarre but perfectly appropriate for the time period feud between Goldust and Meanie, leading to Blue Dust. I don’t quite get the need for the champion to lose by (dirty) pin but it’s not like the title meant anything in 1999 anyway.

Shane models his new European Title for Chyna.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. Bart Gunn

THE NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS BUBBLES A BIT! Yeah there’s no way this team could ever explode. Bob is defending coming in. Gunn starts with some left hands as we head to the outside. Bob cracks a glass or a jar over Bart’s head and grabs a chair. A hard shot to the head puts Bart down for no cover followed by a shot to the back. Bart comes back with a water pitcher of his own to Hardcore’s head followed by I think the bell.

They head into the crowd with Holly being rammed head first into a piece of the exposed barricade. Back to ringside and Holly blasts him with a spray from a fire extinguisher. Bart gets sent shoulder first into the steps but comes back with a suplex onto the ramp for two. Now Holly is sent into the steps and sprayed with the extinguisher for good measure. They head up the ramp with Bart being sent into the set under the Titantron.

Bart finds a watermelon for no apparent reason and breaks it open over Holly’s head. A piece of metal gets cracked over Holly’s back for no cover but he comes back with a low blow and, I kid you not, a crate of bananas to the head. Now Holly stops for a potassium fix and a trashcan shot to Bart’s head. They slug it out and Bart hits him in the head with a sack of flour. Now here’s a guy in kabuki attire to throw Bart off the stage and through a table, giving Holly the easy pin.

Rating: B-. This was one of the rare hardcore matches where the whole thing is a mixture of brutal and fun at the same time, making for a good match. Bart wasn’t around long other than to get DESTROYED by Butterbean at Wrestlemania while Holly would do the same bit for years on end.

X-Pac vs. Chyna

If Pac wins he gets a title shot at Shane at Mania. HHH is with Pac to counter Shane but Chyna hits X-Pac low almost immediately. Trips chases Shane around ringside as Chyna misses a Bronco Buster. Now X-Pac chases Shane, allowing HHH to come in and hit Chyna with a Pedigree, giving Pac the easy pin. Angle, not a match.

Austin will be on Nash Bridges on Friday. His character on there was so popular they considered giving him his own spinoff.

Here’s Vince again with what looks to be a rolled up paper in his hand. He says that if anyone doesn’t like the smell of burning flesh, leave now. He’s holding the envelope that Undertaker gave him last week and shouts about how no one goes after Vince outside the WWF.

Kane vs. Undertaker

As mentioned, this is an inferno match, meaning the ring is surrounded by fire and you have to light your opponent up to win. Vince sits in on commentary and refuses to talk about what’s in the envelope. Kane jumps Taker to start and the flames go up. Taker hits Old School and the flames go up every time something hits the mat. Kane fights off an attempt to put him in the fire and kicks Taker in the face. A powerslam puts Taker down again and Kane chokes away a bit.

Kane fires off some uppercuts as Taker is next to the ropes. The camera shots are mainly from ground level so it’s really hard to see through the fire. Paul Bearer shows up at ringside with a box for Vince. Taker is sent hard into the corner as Vince won’t open his present. Vince finally opens the box (“We can put Undertaker’s ashes in here.”) and finds….a teddy bear.

McMahon gets up from the table and looks up at Undertaker while walking at Paul. He asks Paul what he’s doing with the bear as Taker is thrown over the flames and out to the floor. Kane misses a dive off the top and hits the announce table as Vince stares at the bear. Vince looks broken as Taker is sent into the steps. Kane tries a big boot but Taker grabs the foot and puts it in the fire for the win.

Rating: D. This was barely a wrestling match as the majority of it was spent on a bear that was delivered to a billionaire by a former mortician. Did I mention this is the height of Russo’s influence? At the same time though, it’s also near the height of the show’s ratings, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone. The match barely existed.

Post match Taker takes the bear and burns it, bringing Vince to his knees to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This is a hard one to grade. They’re starting the build up for Wrestlemania, but all the insane drama with the Undertaker and Vince lead to such a ridiculous conclusion that it’s hard to take this seriously. That being said, when this was first happening, I was glued to the TV set every Monday watching this and being very grateful that Nitro had a replay just after Raw ended. The show wasn’t terrible but it was all drama and little action, making it a typical 1999 Raw.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 2, 2013
Location: Kovalchick Complex, Indiana, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Taz, Mike Tenay

It’s another taped show tonight and shockingly enough, Sting is back. Yes for probably the tenth time in his TNA history, Sting has made a big return to take up the TNA torch and save the company from whatever the latest threat is. In this case it’s the bikers of Aces and 8’s, who still are pretty lame aside from Bully Ray. Let’s get to it.

After the usual recap, here’s Hogan to open things up. He immediately calls out Sting for a face to face chat to clear the air up to this point. Hogan talks about how they almost came to blows last week, but he knows when he’s right and when he’s wrong. He’s had a lot of stuff going on lately and he made a big mistake by pushing Sting away. They should have been working together the entire time and that’s on Hogan as well.

Sting says that they’re together right now and that’s what the fans want to see. He wants another six man tag with himself and two other guys against Aces and 8’s. Hogan says sure but tonight, we need a new #1 contender for Slammiversary. This brings out Morgan who says this is where Sting is handed another title shot. Hogan says no more mistakes and no more handouts, so tonight it’s Sting vs. Morgan for the title shot.

Chris Sabin is back next.He talks about doing whatever it took to get back to the ring. That was his goal and he was going to accomplish it no matter what.

Kurt Angle has issued an open challenge to Aces and 8’s for tonight.

Chris Sabin vs. Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt

The winner is in the next three way title match along with King and whoever didn’t get pinned in the last title match. Sabin has the Hail Sabin music here instead of the Motor City Machine Guns’ music. The referee camera is back for this match again. Ion gets caught in between the other two guys before being knocked out to the floor.

Dutt snaps off a quick rana on Sabin and hooks an armbar, but has to stop to knock Zema to the floor. An enziguri puts Dutt down for two for Sabin but Ion comes in with a sunset flip, sending Dutt flying via a German suplex from Sabin. With Sabin down, Ion drops Dutt onto the top rope as we’re told that Suicide will be in the next X-Division qualifying match.

We get some overly complicated three way near falls followed by a sliding dropkick to Ion’s head. A spinning DDT puts Sabin down and a running shooting star press gets two for Sonjay. Ion hits a snap DDT for two on Dutt as we see that X-Cam thing. Dutt hits a low superkick on Ion but gets powerbombed down by Sabin, but Chris picks him back up into a Death Valley Driver onto Ion for no cover. With Dutt in the Tree of Woe, Sabin throws Ion into Sonjay before hitting a scoop sitout brainbuster on Ion for the pin at 4:02.

Rating: C. These matches are already getting old. We get it: they can have three way matches with a lot of cool spots in them. Can the X guys do ANYTHING else? As in event a one on one match? No? Well of course not because why have two guys in the ring when you can have THREE? This division is dying and it’s dying in a hurry.

Robbie E and Jesse plot against Rob Terry. Their plan: get Joey Ryan to help them.

Bully yells at Aces and 8’s for Hogan and Sting mocking them earlier. Ray says he can beat either Sting or Morgan. As for tonight, it’s about Kurt Angle. Ray wants him taken out tonight and D’Lo steps up to do the deed.

Robbie E/Joey Ryan/Jesse Godderz vs. Rob Terry

Ryan gets to start and backs in to the monster. A quick backdrop puts Ryan down but Godderz pulls Rob’s trunks for a distraction. They try to triple team Terry until it’s Joey going after the big man’s knee. Off to Robbie for some shots to a downed monster followed by a sleeper. Terry stands up and backs Robbie into the corner to escape. Robbie takes him down again and it’s off to Joey but all three guys wind up coming in. Robbie shrugs all of them off and runs them all down before picking up Robbie and Jesse at the same time. The over the shoulder spinebuster ends Ryan at 3:34. Apparently it’s called the Beast Bomb.

Rating: D. We get it: Rob Terry is strong. The problem is there’s not much for him to gain by just destroying sleazy characters like these guys. The Rob vs. Robbie feud is long past dead but since the writers in TNA can’t focus on more than one story at once, we need to keep this going even longer.

Here are Aries and Roode to talk about Bad Influence trying to restart Fourtune. Roode isn’t thrilled with the idea and Aries thinks they were lying. Roode and Aries don’t like each other like Bad Influence does….and here are Daniels and Kazarian. Daniels says that Roode and Aries are right in that it’s about the titles but they’re wrong by saying they’re the best tag team in the world. Roode and Aries knows they’re just a pale imitation of Bad Influence. Roode says they’re awesome but Kaz calls Roode and Aries Bad Influence Lite.

This brings out the tag champions who says that there’s a special referee for the #1 contenders tag match next week. It’s James Storm for no apparent reason whatsoever, but it’s yet another reason he can’t move up on the card. Storm hands out beers and stands with the champion.

Sting goes in to see Angle behind closed doors.

Tara and Gail complain about Taryn Terrell. They’re in a tag match tonight apparently. Tara leaves and Gail says she’s going to make sure she gets the victory.

Sabin says it’s great to be back in the ring.

Kurt Angle vs. D’Lo Brown

Before the match, Brown says we make it an I Quit match. He jumps Angle to start but Kurt easily takes him to the mat as you would expect him to. Anderson tells the rest of the bikers to stay back as the guys head to the floor. Brown misses a hammer shot against the post but manages to pull Angle’s arm into the post. Back inside and D’Lo goes after the arm with a bunch of basic stuff.

We get a wristlock into a cross armbreaker but Angle fights up into a quickly broken ankle lock. Off to a cobra clutch on Kurt but he Hulks Up and rolls some six straight German suplexes. Brown breaks the ankle lock again and busts out a Samoan drop of all things. D’Lo loads up a powerbomb but Angle rolls through into the ankle lock for the submission at 8:02.

Rating: D+. Yeah imagine that: challenging one of the best submission wrestlers ever to a submission match WAS A REALLY BAD IDEA. At the end of the day, this was D’Lo Brown trying to be a big physical threat in the year 2013. There’s only so much you can do with something like that, which shows the problem with Aces and 8’s.

Angle says he has his mind on AJ Styles and calls him out right now. Post break and Angle is still calling out AJ and finally gets him. Angle says AJ looks like he wants to take his head off, but that’s a bad idea for Styles since we’re in Angle’s hometown. Kurt says everyone wants to recruit AJ and Styles isn’t one to take the easy way. Right now though, Angle wants to know where AJ stands. If AJ is with TNA then that’s cool, but if not then they’re going to have some problems. He wants Styles to join him and Sting against Aces and 8’s next week and leaves AJ to think about it.

We recap the opening segment which set up Morgan vs. Sting tonight.

Matt Morgan says tonight he’s taking the ball and then winning the world title.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Taryn Terrell/Mickie James

Taryn gets double teamed to start until Mickie finally helps her out. The heels are rammed into each other before things get calmed down. Off to Mickie vs. Gail with James hooking a quick cross armbreaker, only to have Gail grab the rope. Gail pounds away for a bit by Mickie comes back with an enziguri knee to the head for two. Mickie is sent to the apron where she kicks Tara down, only to be knocked to the floor by Gail.

Back in and Mickie gets stomped down in the corner before Tara busts out a bridging Indian deathlock. Taryn comes in to break things up and it’s off to Gail for more slow paced punishment. Both Mickie and Gail try cross bodies and go down from the collision. The hot tag brings in Taryn as everything breaks down. In the mess, Terrell rolls up Tara for the pin at 6:27.

Rating: D+. The match wasn’t terrible and the girls all looked great out there, but we need to get the title on Mickie and have her turn heel so Taryn can take the belt from her already, because this whole “she’s a rookie who gets a lot of fluke wins” deal is getting old already. Nothing to see here for the most part, much like all of tonight.

Post match they keep brawling until Gail hits Eat Defeat on Taryn and puts her in the Figure Four around the post.

Ray yells at Aces and 8’s for D’Lo tapping earlier. Next week it’s the Dudleys and Anderson in the six man.

Roode and Aries say they’ll win next week.

Matt Morgan vs. Sting

The winner gets Bully Ray at Slammiversary. Morgan pounds away in the corner as Taz talks about how great he is in Aces and 8’s. Matt hits him with some hard clotheslines and right hands followed by a chokeslam for two. Back with Morgan ramming Sting into the barricade before heading back inside for some choking. Sting fights back on the floor with some shots into the barricade and steps. We head inside again but Sting walks into the side slam for two.

Morgan misses an elbow drop and gets caught by the Stinger Splash in the corner. Matt fights back with the rapid fire elbows and the Carbon Footprint….for two. Another Footprint hits the buckle and there’s the Scorpion Deathlock. Matt is in big trouble but never taps out. He finally makes the rope so Sting puts the hold right back on. Morgan blacks out from the pain to send Sting to Slammiversary at 13:07.

Rating: D+. As soon as I heard this match announced, I knew Sting was getting the title shot. Why did I know that? Because that’s what happens in TNA. No matter what your other options may be, at the end of the day it’s going to be Sting getting the title shot no matter what. People have been BEGGING to see Morgan elevated for years now, but let’s go with Sting again because he and Hogan have to cowboy up and fight the bikers, because that’s what people (and by that I mean Sting and Hogan) want to see.

Ray stares down Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. What in the world happened to this show? Two months ago this was the best show on TV and now it’s a nightmare. There’s WAY too much focus on Hogan and Sting while the younger guys are stashed away in the tag title scene. The stories are going nowhere, I don’t know of anyone who is dying to see Sting get ANOTHER title shot, and the AJ drama is already getting old. TNA needs to change things around, but I have a feeling they’re going to stay locked on this path for months to come.

Results

Chris Sabin b. Zema Ion and Sonjay Dutt – Scoop Michinoku Driver

Rob Terry b. Robbie E/Jesse Godderz/Joey Ryan – Beast Bomb to Ryan

Kurt Angle b. D’Lo Brown – Ankle Lock

Sting b. Matt Morgan – Scorpion Deathlock

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

 

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 2, 2005
Location: Fleet Center, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Now that I’m done with all of the pay per views, I’m going to take a small break and do a show that I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile. This show is built around finding a #1 contender for Batista who is Raw World Champion at the moment. Therefore, we need to have a tournament. There’s one match on this show that I’m reviewing it for and for you KB trivia fans out there, it’s my favorite match ever. Let’s get to it.

We open in the back with Batista hitting on Christy Hemme. Bischoff comes up and tells Batista he did well last night against HHH, so tonight we’re starting the Gold Rush Tournament with the winner getting a shot at Batista. The eight people know they’re in but they don’t know who they’re facing until the announcer says their name. Batista is told he has the night off but he says he wants a match tonight. Batista says he wants Bischoff and it looks like he wants to rape him. Eric screams and Batista implies he’s only kidding.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Christian vs. Kane

Tomko is with Christian here and Lita is on a crutch with Kane. Christian talks trash to Kane to start and that’s just not smart. Kane shoves him from the middle of the ring and out to the floor with ease. Back in and a big boot puts the Canadian down and an uppercut puts him outside again. Christian sends Kane into the steps to take over. He hits a springboard crossbody to the floor and Kane is put down again.

That gets two in the ring and Christian chokes away in the corner. Kane shrugs all that off and throws Christian into the air in retaliation. Chokeslam is countered and Christian hooks a sleeper. Kane counters that into a side slam but Tomko breaks up the top rope clothesline. Unprettier is countered but Tomko gets on the apron. Kane sends Christian into him and the chokeslam sends Kane to the semifinals.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but it was just a step above a squash. Christian would be gone to TNA a few months after this but he went down in the midcard so at least he advanced a bit. There wasn’t much here as Kane pretty much dominated Christian the entire time. It could have been worse though.

Tomko gets a chokeslam post match.

Flair makes fun of Christian for losing. Flair “raps”, and says HHH will win the tournament. The 80s just died a bit.

Muhammad Hassan complains about not being in the tournament and blames Hogan, Shawn, the fans, and Daivari for the loss last night. Daivari gets beaten down but he still follows Hassan to the back.

Here’s Viscera who talks about how he loves women. He wants to go south of the border and looks at Lillian. Simon Dean comes out to keep this from getting even more uncomfortable. He offers Viscera a lifetime supply of the Simon System products and that ticks the fat man off.

Viscera vs. Simon Dean

Simon makes a bunch of fat jokes and gets run over. Viscera puts him in the Tree of Woe and crushes him but misses an elbow. That gets Dean nowhere as a chokeslam and splash literally squash him. This was nothing.

Viscera says he’s back on the market.

Candice and Stacy are in the back to plug Stacy’s STUFF Magazine photo shoot. Bischoff comes up to double the plugs and walks on to his office. HHH is waiting there and wants to know why this tournament exists. It should be his title shot because he got screwed out of the title last night. Bischoff says HHH gets his rematch if he wins the tournament. Until then, get out of the office.

Benjamin is in the tournament and says he isn’t nervous because he’s the Intercontinental Champion. He has to be ready for anyone at any time, but Jericho interrupts. Jericho lost to Shelton last night and Jericho seems to respect Shelton now. Jericho is in the tournament and says he might be Shelton’s opponent. Shelton wishes Jericho luck and they shake hands.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Shelton Benjamin vs. Shawn Michaels

This is the match that I was talking about. Shawn is back in the world title hunt after going after Muhammad Hassan for a few months. Shelton is on fire at this point so this is going to be great. They immediately hit the mat and Shelton dominates as you would expect him to. Shawn grabs a hammerlock and they hit the mat again. Shelton rides him again and Shawn has to head to the ropes to get a break.

Shelton takes him back to the mat but Shawn easily gets back up. A cradle gets two for Shawn out of nowhere and it’s followed by a forearm to take over. Shelton comes back with a clothesline and both guys go to the floor. We take a break and come back with Shelton countering a belly to back superplex into a cross body off the top but he can’t cover. Batista is watching in the back.

Shelton hits a Samoan Drop and both guys are down again. Things speed up and Shelton gets two off a backbreaker. Shawn hits the forearm and nips up, but Shelton nips up a second later, freaking Shawn out. We get a fast paced pinfall reversal sequence and Shawn takes Shelton down with a hard chop. Benjamin comes back with the Stinger Splash in the corner but the T-Bone is broken up.

Sweet Chin Music is caught and the Dragon Whip gets two. That sounded GREAT and JR’s commentary is only making this better. Shelton loads up a superplex but Shawn knocks him down and hits the elbow for two. Another Chin Music attempt is countered by a high kick for a VERY close two. Shelton jumps from the mat to the top rope and hits a spinning clothesline for another two. This is getting better and better with each kickout. Shelton gets sent to the apron and tries a springboard, but he jumps right into the Sweet Chin Music in an incredible spot. Shelton is DEAD and Shawn advances. That never gets old.

Rating: A+. It’s my favorite match ever. What grade did you expect me to give it? Also, this probably furthers Shawn’s record of most A+ matches for a single guy held by Shawn. The last few minutes of this has some of the best near falls on TV that I’ve ever seen. This is easily one of the best TV matches of all time. The only issue I have with it: what was Shelton going for at the end other than diving into the kick? I’ve never gotten that. The idea here was simple: Shawn was fighting himself from ten years ago. That’s very interesting and it worked like a masterpiece here.

Edge says he’s in the tournament because he wants another shot to go with his MITB contract. Apparently if he gets drafted, he loses the shot in the case. Ok then. Edge says he’ll be champion and goes up to Lita and Victoria. Victoria says she’s looking at nothing. Nothing here.

Raw Tag Titles: La Resistance vs. Hurricane/Rosey

Hurricane and Rosey won the belts last night in tag team turmoil. Rosey gets jumped before the match starts and the fat man gets to start with Grenier. A Hart Attack gets two on Rosey and it’s off to Conway. Back to Grenier for nothing of note and it’s back to Conway. Rosey breaks free and it’s off to Hurricane. No one is responding to any of this at all. A top rope rana gets two on Grenier and Conway is sent to the floor. A side slam/Eye of the Hurricane combo gets the pin on Grenier to retain.

Rating: D. What in the world was the point of this other than filling in time? The answer to that would be nothing, as it was nothing but filler. These four guys were in the horrible spot on the card as they had to be thrown out there in between the major matches and had to fill in time. That’s a horrible spot to be in but at least they got on the show which is more than Hurricane and Rosey would do for a long time.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Chris Jericho vs. Edge

Jericho works on the arm to start and sends Edge into the buckle over and over. He goes up but Edge shoves him over the top rope and out to the floor. Back in and a backbreaker gets two. Off to a chinlock which is quickly broken and Batista is watching in the back. Edge stops to dance but misses a charge, getting sent into the ropes for his dancing abilities. Jericho speeds things up and hits the running hip attack to Edge’s back while Edge is in 619 position. That really needs a name.

Jericho hits an enziguri for two and stays on Edge. A sleeper drop gets two for Jericho but the bulldog is escaped. A big boot puts Jericho down but as Edge goes to get the case, Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to send it into Edge’s face. Jericho takes Edge down with a plancha but back inside Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for two. Jericho counters the spear into the Walls but Edge makes the rope. As the referee tries to break it up, Edge gets in a case shot and a missile dropkick gets two for Edge. A spear sends Edge to the next round.

Rating: B-. This was getting good for awhile but Edge using the case was a cheap ending. At least it was new at this point and it hadn’t been driven into the ground yet. Edge would spend most of the rest of the year feuding with Matt Hardy while Jericho would do next to nothing until leaving in August. Good match but it needed a few more minutes.

Here’s Chris Masters for the Masterlock Challenge. He offers four grand and an autographed Red Sox jersey. A plant is brought in and this goes as well as you would expected it to.

Gold Rush Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. HHH

A quick Pedigree is countered into a Crossface attempt but HHH escapes. Benoit escapes a belly to back suplex but can’t hook the Sharpshooter. Another Crossface attempt is countered and they head outside. Back in and HHH clotheslines him in the back of the head to take over. They head to the floor and Benoit’s eyes are absolutely bugging out of his head. It looks like something from a comedy horror movie actually.

We take a break and come back with Benoit’s eyes still messed up. That’s so scary when you look at things now. HHH drops a knee on the back of the head for two. Benoit comes back with some chops but gets caught in a sleeper. After a few moments it gets broken up via HHH being sent into the buckle but Benoit can’t follow up. A belly to back suplex puts HHH down as does a German suplex but HHH elbows him in the head to escape.

Now the Rolling Germans hit and the Swan Dive gets a very delayed two. Benoit is looking scarier and scarier with every hit to that head. HHH charges but gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Flair is brought in and chopped in the corner but HHH hits Benoit in the head and the referee goes down. Cue Batista who cleans house, including a spinebuster to HHH. Benoit puts on the Sharpshooter and Batista pulls the rope away so HHH has to tap.

Rating: B. This was a good match but the Benoit stuff was scary at times. Even taking out what we would learn about him later on, this was some bad stuff, as Benoit’s eyes were all over the place during some of the match. Those shots to the head looked vicious and it was hard to watch. The ending was good too as Batista’s smile was great when he was holding the rope away. Good match.

Overall Rating: A. With five matches on the card and three of them being above average to great and the other two being short, what more can you ask for from a show? This was excellent from a wrestling perspective and the stories advanced well enough. I can’t ask for much more than this which is a great surprise in a show from 2005. This is well worth tracking down.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

Main Event
Date: May 1, 2013
Location: Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

This is a request due to the opening match for the show. I’ve heard words like classic and match of the year candidate about it so maybe it’ll live up to the hype. I rarely look at Main Event due to it being WWE overload for me, but as usual I have issues turning down requests. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Kofi beating Cesaro for the US Title a few weeks back.

Cesaro, now in a beret and sunglasses, says that he’ll dominate with technical skill and tenacity.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Antonio Cesaro

Kofi is defending if that wasn’t clear. The crowd chants USA for a match between a Swiss man and an African. That never ceases to amaze me. Anyway they feel each other out with Cesaro trying to use the power game to take over early on. Kofi gets behind him as they fight for arm control. Cesaro takes it to the mat with a grip around the ribs but Kofi rolls into a cradle for two.

Antonio pulls him to the ground again but Kofi drives a knee into the arm to take over. Cesaro slams him head first into the mat and it’s off to a headlock. Kofi tries to fight up but gets thrown down with the gutwrench suplex. The champ comes back with a kick to the head and a spinning springboard splash for two. Cesaro bails to the floor and we take a break. Back with Cesaro getting two off a European uppercut and hooking a chinlock.

A legdrop across the back of Kofi’s neck gets two as does a butterfly suplex. There’s a move I haven’t seen in a long time. Back to the chinlock followed by a hard knee to Kingston’s chest. Kofi comes back with some quick dropkicks and the Boom Drop for no cover. He loads up Trouble in Paradise but Cesaro bails to the floor. Kofi goes after Cesaro but has his neck snapped over the top rope. His leg gets caught in the ropes as well, apparently injuring it.

Cesaro gets back in but walks into the SOS for two. There’s a Juvy Driver of all things to Kingston for two and a running European uppercut gets the same. Another gutwrench attempt is countered into a sunset flip but Antonio counters into a rollup for two as we take another break. Back with Kofi knocking Antonio out to the floor and hurricanranaing him into the steps.

Back in again and Kofi tries the spinning cross body but gets caught in mid air, only to roll into a cradle for another near fall. Cesaro takes him down again though and stomps on the bad leg before putting on a half crab. Kofi crawls out and gets a rollup, only to get caught in a half giant swing. That’s a new one. Back to the half crab and Cesaro drags it to the middle of the ring. Kofi crawls over to the bottom rope and out to the apron, so Antonio climbs to the middle rope and superplexes him down from the apron for two more. That’s INSANE strength.

Another double stomp to the chest gets two more for Cesaro and it’s back to the half crab. Kofi gets to the rope so Cesaro loads up the Neutralizer. Even on one bad leg, Kofi is able to backdrop out of it and hit Trouble in Paradise to the back of the head, knocking Cesaro out cold for the pin to retain at 18:30 shown of 25:30.

Rating: A-. Really solid match here with a length that you almost never get anymore. The leg work was fine and the story was solid here: Cesaro is a better wrestler and is smothering Kofi but Kingston can get one Hail Mary shot to win the match. I liked it when Khali and HHH did it back in 2008 and I liked it here too. Excellent match and I get people praising it as much as they have been.

Post match Kingston says he had a bad start to the year but kept fighting and won the US Title. He talks about becoming a father last week and gives a shout out to his wife and son.

Post break Kofi is in the back when Cesaro jumps him. He crushes Cesaro with a crate of some kind and says you don’t take from Antonio because he takes from you.

The Raw Rebound talks about the end of the show with Shield pinning Cena and Ryback showing up because he never left. This shocked no one.

Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater

McIntyre tells Slater to rock Gabriel’s face. Feeling out process to start with Gabriel sending Slater to the mat and mocking the band. Off to an armbar by Justin as we hear about the history between these two. Slater can’t shake the hold but a Mahal distraction lets Slater make the rope. Cole: “Drew has something wrong with him.” JBL: “YOU THINK???” They trade some headlocks before Gabriel puts on the armbar again.

Back up and a headscissors puts Slater on the floor and a suicide dive takes out Mahal and McIntyre. They try to get at Justin and earn an ejection for their efforts. Justin throws Slater to the floor again and we take a break. Back with more of the armbar on Slater as the announcers are talking about the Bay City Rollers and their cassette collections. Gabriel loads up the 450 but gets powerslamed down off the top rope for two.

We hit a chinlock on Gabriel as Cole makes air guitar jokes. A hard whip into the corner gets two for Heath but Justin comes back with some kicks and forearms. Gabriel gets two off a springboard cross body and goes up. After breaking up a superplex, the 450 connects on Slater for the pin at 9:45 shown of 13:15.

Rating: C+. This is the same good match we’ve seen from these guys several times before. Gabriel continues to be a solid performer almost every time he’s given more than a minute to work with, yet he can never get any significant time on TV. Slater is fine in this role as the goofy jobber and there’s not a thing wrong with playing that role. Good stuff here.

Overall Rating: B. Solid TV show here with an excellent match and a quite good match to follow it up. Main Event is basically WWE’s wrestling show where you can get some good action which doesn’t mean much and doesn’t require much thinking. The US Title match is very good and while I wouldn’t call it a classic, it’s worth checking out.

Results

Kofi Kingston b. Antonio Cesaro – Trouble in Paradise

Justin Gabriel b. Heath Slater – 450 Splash

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

NXT
Date: May 1, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, Brad Maddox, William Regal

After last week’s Clash of the Champions, it’s time to get back to the regular stuff here in NXT. Langston doesn’t have a challenger at the moment and the Wyatt Family is still running around. There really aren’t any stories at the moment other than Shield, which means we should get some interesting stuff tonight. Let’s get to it.

Chris Jericho is here tonight.

Welcome Home.

Epico/Primo vs. Wyatt Family vs. Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville

This is under elimination rules. Bray Wyatt and Rosa Mendes are nowhere in sight here. Dallas and Rowan start things off with Bo pounding away in the corner until it’s off to Neville. Bo and Adrian tag in and out very quickly with both coming in with top rope ax handles to Erick’s arm. Off to Harper vs. Adrian and a rolling cradle gets two for Luke. Apparently Wyatt gets to face Jericho in the main event tonight. That should be awesome.

Harper slams Adrian down but Epico tags himself in to pick Neville’s bones. That goes about as badly as it could for Epico though as Dallas gets the tag and cranks on Epico’s arm. Epico takes him into the corner and channels his inner Arn Anderson by raking Dallas’ eyes across the top rope. We take a break and come back with Rowan working over Dallas until it’s off to Harper for a chinlock.

Dallas hits a jawbreaker to escape and knocks Harper into the corner for a tag to Primo. Primo stomps Bo down in the corner and it’s off to Epico after just a few seconds. Scratch that as it’s already back to Epico as the cousins (Primo is Spanish for male cousin) take turns hammering on Dallas. The fans say NO MORE BO as Epico puts on a bow and arrow hold. Dallas fights up and rolls Epico away, only to get taken down for some near falls. Maddox: “What heart by Bo Dallas! Just like you Regal.” Regal: “I don’t have a heart. It’s a piece of black coal.”

Bo escapes a chinlock with another jawbreaker and it’s off to Primo vs. Neville. A leg lariat and standing shooting star gets two on Primo and there’s a spear from Dallas to Epico. Primo gets a quick rollup on Adrian for two but Neville kicks him in the head, followed by the corkscrew shooting star for the pin to eliminate Epico and Primo. A second later though Harper takes Adrian’s head off with the discus lariat for the winning pin at 9:41 shown of 13:11.

Rating: C+. This was a nice match with the Family finally getting a win to get themselves back on track a bit. Hopefully we get the Brits vs. the Family down the line for the belts with the monsters getting the gold, but until now this is about as close as we’re going to get. Epico and Primo did what they were supposed to do here, but without Rosa shaking her hips there’s nothing interesting at all about them.

We recap Paige vs. Summer Rae. Summer injured Paige’s shoulder and now Paige is back for revenge. Paige issued a challenge and Summer jumped her to accept the challenge.

Paige vs. Summer Rae

Summer jumps her during the entrance again but takes too long, allowing Paige to get the advantage once they get inside. A clothesline puts Summer down and Paige is looking very cocky. Paige smacks her in the face for two and looks to be loving every second of this beating. A fisherman’s suplex gets two on Rae but she rams Paige into the corner to escape. Summer rolls through a rollup and we get a catfight on the mat. Rae rolls to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Maddox accusing Regal of having a thing for Paige. Regal: “Blithering idiot.” Rae drops Paige again for two and she mocks Paige’s scream. Off to an old school Indian Deathlock by Summer as we get a debate over Native American vs. Indian. Paige finally makes the rope and kicks Summer in the ribs. The leg seems to be just fine already. Rae gets stomped out to the floor and starts to walk out, but Paige will have none of that. Summer is sent ribs first into the apron and the Paige Turner (kind of a snap reverse Angle Slam) gets the pin on Rae at 6:44 of 10:14.

Rating: C. The match was nothing special, but think about this for a minute: this was a perfectly logical conclusion to a totally acceptable story from two Divas. There was no stupid bubbly girl, there was no stupid line, there was no embarrassing match. It was a logically built feud with an appropriate conclusion. Now why haven’t the main show girls been allowed to do that in several years now?

Due to the Wyatt Family pinning Neville earlier tonight, they get a title shot next week against Neville and Bo Dallas, who is substituting for Oliver Grey.

Bray Wyatt vs. Chris Jericho

Wyatt talks about being the kind of hero that the world needs and promises to break down the wall tonight. Wyatt gets right in Jericho’s face so Chris pounds him down and hits a quick dropkick to send Wyatt to the floor. Back in and Bray bails to the floor to avoid a right hand so Jericho hits a baseball slide to take him down. Jericho throws him in again and hits a top rope cross body for two. Rowan tries to trip Jericho up and gets himself ejected as we take a break.

Back with Jericho in control but being sent out to the floor. Harper slams him down onto the ramp so Wyatt can stomp away before pounding on Jericho back in the ring. Jericho tries a rollup but gets sent out to the floor instead. Off to a chinlock as the fans are all behind Jericho. Chris fights up but gets caught in a quick suplex to put him right back down. Wyatt misses a backsplash though and Jericho hits a top rope ax handle to take over.

After dropkicking Harper to the floor though, Bray decks Jericho with a clothesline for two. The running enziguri gets two for Jericho as does a running cross body for Bray. Jericho comes back with the Codebreaker to send Bray to the floor. Harper sends Jericho into the post though, giving Wyatt two more in the ring. Bray does the dancing bit but the Downward Spiral is countered into a slingshot into Harper. The Walls make Bray tap at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. Another good match here with Wyatt getting a solid rub from Jericho. I’m fine with Wyatt losing here given that Jericho is still a big deal on the WWE roster. Wyatt tapping out isn’t something you would expect him to do though and it brings things down a bit. Still though, good match and a good use of Jericho here.

Jericho celebrates with the fans to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. We get storyline progression, a conclusion to a feud, and a visit from a big star. What more can you ask for out of a week long TV show? I like the swapping in of Dallas for the title defense as you can only have Neville holding a belt for so long until it becomes worthless. Good show again, but that’s what you expect from NXT at this point.

Results

Wyatt Family b. Epico/Primo and Bo Dallas/Adrian Neville – Discus lariat to Neville

Paige b. Summer Rae – Paige Turner

Chris Jericho b. Bray Wyatt – Walls of Jericho

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book on the History of the WWE Championship from Amazon for just $5 at:

I know people say that gimmick matches dominate wrestling today, but let’s look back to the 80s.Looking at the first few Starrcades, here’s what you have:

1983 – eight matches, two gimmicks

1984 – eleven matches, three gimmicks

1985 – eleven matches, six gimmicks

1986 – twelve matches, six gimmicks

1987 – seven matches, three gimmicks

 

In the old NWA days, there were two Starrcades with at least half of the matches being gimmick matches.  This is hardly a new thing.

Mayhem 1999
Date: November 21, 1999
Location: Air Canada Center, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 13,839
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

 

Since TNA is stupid and had two Final Resolutions in 2008, you get this until I can find a copy. This is WCW Canadian PPV debut so the main event is a tournament final of Benoit vs. Hart for the world title. The title was vacated this time because WCW decided to have the world champion’s (Sting) opponent (Hogan) at Halloween Havoc lay down for him and then have Goldberg squash Sting so the title was vacated and we got a tournament. That’s Russo for you. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about the final four in the tournament: Hart, Benoit, Sting and Jarrett.

 

Oh and this show is named after a video game, not vice versa.

 

We have a double main event: the tournament final and Sid vs. Goldberg in an I Quit match.

 

The fans want Flair as Tony and Bobby run down the card. Why we need to hear this is beyond me but I guess it makes sense to the bosses.

 

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Final: Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

Jarrett takes him down to start and slaps him in the back of the head which ends badly for him. Benoit busts out a tornado DDT for two. Neckbreaker gets the same as Benoit is trying for as many pins as he can get. Superplex hits for two as well. This is all within the first 90 seconds. I’m not skipping a bunch of stuff. Out to the floor and Benoit chops away. A chop misses and Jarrett crotches Benoit against the post to finally slow him down.

 

Back inside and a powerslam gets two for Jeff. They hit a pinfall reversal sequence. This is faster and more crisp than anything I can remember in WCW in years. Jeff grabs a sleeper and Benoit is in trouble. He escapes but Jeff gets it again. This time Benoit hits a jawbreaker and both guys are down. The Canadian hits some Germans on the American and here comes Creative Control (Harris Brothers as the muscle of the Powers That Be).

 

Benoit is sent to the floor but Jeff doesn’t want the win by countout. That’s strangely galant of him. A top rope cross body is rolled through for two for Benoit and when he sits on a Jarrett sunset flip he gets the same result. Belly to back sets up the swan dive but Creative Control pulls Benoit out. The other member beats Benoit down to huge boos. There’s the Stroke but Dustin Rhodes comes out to break up the pin and beats up Creative Control. There’s the guitar but Benoit gets it and clocks Jarrett (totally against his character) to go to the finals.

 

Rating: B-. This was on the path to being a great match but then it’s Russo booking a big time match and therefore we must have three run-ins and a weapon shot. When have you ever seen a face Benoit use a weapon? The opening part of this was GREAT though and if they had kept that up for the entire match it would have been an easy A.

 

JJ and CC beat down Benoit post match to MONSTER heat.

 

Disco says he respects his Cruiserweight Title and the $25,000 he can win doesn’t mean as much as the belt. Jarrett and Creative Control pop up to beat him down too.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Evan Karagis vs. Disco Inferno

 

Title vs. money here. Wait both guys have put up money meaning Evan can win the title and money while Disco can only win the money. That’s not exactly fair. Evan also has Madusa with him. Disco has some issues getting to the ring due to the beating. Tony Marinara (Tony Mamaluke from ECW) is with him as his inspiration/lackey. Evan jumps him in the aisle and we start up in the aisle for a bit.

 

Marinara sits in on commentary. He’s very annoying so far and is talking about how Disco owes him money or something which would go on for about a year and never went anywhere. It did bring in the Mamalukes though. Disco fires away with some kicks in the corner that are so hard Evan is falling down before they hit. The champ hits a pair of suplexes and dances.

 

Evan gets two off a crucifix but is taken down by a clothesline. This is a pretty bland match so far. Marinara is getting more annoying with every word he says. A middle rope elbow gets two for Disco. Madusa picks up Evan on the floor and the power of looks is enough to inspire him to dropkick Disco as he jumps off the apron at him.

 

Powerslam gets two for Karagis. The announcers debate what the belt is worth with the value stretching from $150 to 50 grand. There’s a LOUD boring chant as Disco hits a DDT. Marinara gets up to hit on Madusa and the distraction causes Disco to grab a chair and put it upside Tony’s head. A springboard cross body gives Karagis the title which he would lose to Madusa.

 

Rating: D. This was a terribly dull match with neither guy being interesting at all. They just kind of did moves to each other for 8 minutes. I don’t think anyone knew who Marinara was and I don’t think anyone really cared. Disco was best served as a comedy act but instead they made him a champion because the other Cruiserweights actually had something to do. Bad match.

 

Bret is just getting here.

 

The Powers That Be (Russo with his face not being seen), yells at Jarrett and says he has to fix it tonight. Jeff says he’ll do it.

 

Norman Smiley says he’s ready to become Hardcore Champion and is scared by construction going on.

 

Hardcore Title: Brian Knobs vs. Norman Smiley

 

This is a tournament final to determine the first champion. Smiley comes out in a Maple Leafs jersey. The Hardcore Title is the exact same shape as the ECW World Title. Knobs takes over to start with some weapon shots. He’s in an old school Nasty Boys shirt while Norman is in full hockey gear minus the helmet. A middle rope trashcan shot misses so Norman cracks him in the head with it.

 

Norman gets the hockey stick and Tony tries to sound like he knows something about hockey. The Big Wiggle is broken up and there go the shin guards. Why are wrestlers so obsessed with taking opponents’ clothes off? Jimmy Hart jumps on Norman’s back and Norman gets to have his one instance of physical dominance. They head to the back with Knobs hitting him in the head and Norman stumbles back to the entrance.

 

There’s a camera waiting on them and Norman gets in a chair shot to the ribs. It’s your usual hardcore match from the late 90s meaning there’s a table set up with Norman going head first into it. Knobs goes into a bunch of boxes which are empty. He screams anyway because he’s Screamin Norman Smiley. They get to the food stuff and not yet prepared food is tossed around. They fight into an elevator and the door shuts. Jimmy opens it up but when he swings the trashcan it hits Knobs and Norman gets the pin and the title. Yes, Jimmy Hart just physically ended a match.

 

Rating: D+. It’s a hardcore match from the late 90s. The problem is that it’s Brian Knobs in there instead of someone that means something anymore. In WWF this would have been people like Al Snow or Road Dogg, as in people still relevant at the time. This wasn’t anything of note and is the same match you would see a dozen times over the next year on PPV.

 

Post match Jimmy is thrown into some hamburger buns.

 

We recap the Revolution vs. the Filthy Animals. It’s your usual stable gang warfare. There was a pole match involving getting Torrie out of a cage. There was a moment where Rey (Animals) was hung by the leg from the top of a cage and they destroyed his knee so he’s not in this.

 

The Revolution talks about what if’s and Saturn goes into a rant about dinosaurs.

 

The Animals say they’ll win and they’re not worried.

 

Disco talks to Tony Marinara and Tony says he’s going to get his boys.

 

Jarrett has what looks to be a 2×4 and is going to look for someone.

 

Filthy Animals vs. Revolution

 

This is an elimination match. It’s Eddie/Kidman/Asya (Chyna ripoff) vs. Torrie/Saturn/Malenko. Shane Douglas of the Revolution is on commentary. Eddie and Kidman clean house as they’re trying to keep Torrie (a spry 24 here and drop dead gorgeous) out of the ring. We start officially with Eddie vs. Dean which works almost every time. They head to the floor so Saturn takes them out with an Asai moonsautl. Kidman dives on them too and then Torrie sets for one. Asya gets her hands on Torrie and it turns into something like a catfight.

 

Kidman plants Asya with a Sky High as Torrie has a bad ankle. Eddie shoves Kidman into Malenko as he’s checking on Torrie but it lets Malenko roll Kidman up for the first elimination. Eddie is destroyed by Malenko and Saturn, taking a backbreaker/knee drop combo. Asya comes in and beats on Eddie a bit, hitting an eye popping Davey Boy Smith delayed vertical for two.

 

Back to Eddie vs. Dean with Dean in control via a suplex. Eddie gets out of it and hits a standing rana for a pin to eliminate Dean and get us down to Eddie/Torrie vs. Saturn/Asya with Torrie having an injured ankle still. Asya comes in and beats on Eddie with another suplex getting two. Saturn accidentally superkicks Asya and a frog splash makes it 2-1 with Saturn vs. Torrie/Eddie.

 

It’s so weird thinking of Eddie as a Filthy Animal when he left as one of the Radicalz with a lot of the Revolution in two months. Saturn hooks a sleeper hold on Eddie but a jawbreaker gets him out of it. Scratch that as he’s right back in it. Now Eddie puts a sleeper on Saturn. Why do people that just easily escaped a sleeper think it’s such a good move to use immediately afterwords?

 

Saturn tries a spinning springboard clothesline but Eddie steps to the side and dropkicks him down. Something like a tornado DDT gets two. Eddie jumps into a Death Valley Driver for two. Shane is losing it on commentary and is more entertaining than anything I’ve ever heard him say or do. Saturn misses a top rope elbow so Eddie tries the same move he got rid of Dean with but it only gets two. Eddie tries a top rope cross body but Saturn rolls through into the Rings of Saturn to give us Saturn vs. Torrie. Torrie kicks him low and Shane gets on the apron. Saturn hits Torrie low which gets him the pin for the win.

 

Rating: C-. Not bad but I really don’t get the idea of having the girls in there. This would have been a lot better if they just had a tag match with the four guys or maybe threw in another dude to fight Asya. There wasn’t anything great here and the ending was really pretty stupid. I can think of worse ways to kill ten minutes though.

 

Jeff and Creative Control are beating up Buff Bagwell now.

 

Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell

 

This is a career vs. career match and the video package during Curt’s entrance doesn’t really do much of a good job of explaining why that’s the stipulation. There’s no Bagwell due to the beating so here are Jarrett and CC. Hennig tries to fight them off but he’s outnumbered. Here’s Bagwell who is fine and has a 2×4. He runs off the heels who have been in about 5 scenes tonight and the match begins.

 

Hennig controls early and we head to the floor with Bagwell going into the railing a few times. As they’re getting back in though Hennig is shoved off the apron and into the railing himself. And he still managed to do it perfectly. This is far closer to a brawl than a match which is Russo 101. Hennig is a lot more popular because he’s talented and old school while Bagwell is more or less a douche.

 

Off to a sleeper (popular move tonight) by Hennig which goes on for a long time. Buff fires off some punches and dances a lot but the fans do not care at all. Why would you think that in an old WWF town in a country that takes wrestling seriously that fans would want to see that dancing stuff? Not that it matters as Hennig controls 80% of the match but walks into a Blockbuster that is as out of nowhere as it sounds to make Hennig “retire”.

 

Rating: D. What a boring match this was. The fans were all over Bagwell who was the face in this I think and they gave Hennig a standing ovation after the loss. The match was awful, primarily because Bagwell wasn’t any good at making people care or being able to have an interesting match. He had a good finisher and a good body and that’s it. Hennig would unretire the next night and had his next televised match in 8 days.

 

Sting, the heel in his match against Bret, says he should be champion because he never lost the title. It’s Showtime.

 

WCW World Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Bret Hart vs. Sting

 

Sting is in a t-shirt and tights and has big hair. Feeling out process to start and they stare each other down a lot. Bret slugs away and the fans pop HARD. They brawl to the floor because Bret Hart is incapable of having a wrestling match in a ring right? Sting wrestles like a heel, raking Bret’s eyes to break his momentum. This is a very interesting thing to see as Sting is wrestling as a heel in front of a crowd that believes him to be a heel. This has happened all of maybe twice ever.

 

Bret gets in a single shot to take over and the crowd explodes. Sting kicks him in the little maple leafs and actually hits the big elbow for two. They go to the floor again and Bret is sent into the announce table. The Stinger Splash onto the table misses and we head back inside. The referee goes down and here’s Lex with a ball bat to beat up Sting. Bret beats up Luger and puts him in the Sharpshooter which somehow gives Bret a DQ win. Bret doesn’t want it that way but he’s stuck with it.

 

Scratch that he’s not stuck with it as Bret demands we keep going so we keep going. Bret goes off on Sting with the original Five Moves of Doom including the Canadian hitting a Russian on the American. The elbow is blocked by a boot to the chin and Sting limps into the Scorpion which he has some torque on for once. Bret counters that into the Sharpshooter and Bret is in the Finals.

 

Rating: D+. This match right here sums up Vince Russo’s issues in a nutshell. Sting was past his prime at this point and Bret wasn’t great but he still could have a decent match in the ten minutes they had here. Did we need the run-in and the ball bat? No, we didn’t. The ending they did here could have worked fine and would have made a good ending kind of like his Summerslam 91 match. However, Vince Russo says no that’s not a good idea and we need to have people running in and weapon shots because I guess the fans can’t enjoy wrestling. That’s Russo in a nutshell: he had no faith in actual wrestling.

 

Sting calls Bret back in for a handshake post match.

 

Benoit says it’s an honor to wrestle Bret again here and he’ll test the Best There Is/Was/Ever Will Be moniker.

 

Luger is already in a neck brace and says it’ll be a permanent thing. He can’t wrestle tonight either so he’ll pay the fans something for an apology. The details aren’t really clear.

 

Vampiro vs. Berlyn

 

This is a collar match and Vampiro has Jerry Only of the band the Misfits with him. Berlyn is Alex Wright in something resembling a Neo-Nazi deal. It was rather weird to say the least. Dr. Death Steve Williams and Oklahoma, one of the creative writers making fun of JR. Immediately Berlyn hits the referee. Vampy kicks Berlyn and Wall hits Vampiro. A second referee comes down as Wall beats up Vampiro and Berlyn is on the floor.

 

Wall misses a big boot and gets crotched as Berlyn beats up Jerry Only. Oklahoma’s impression of JR is pretty good. I think the match has started now but I’m not sure. Oklahoma makes up a bunch of football stats for the three guys as Wall hits a HUGE chokeslam and is tied to Vampiro now. Berlyn yells at the Wall who takes the collar off.

 

I have no idea what the point of this is or if the bell ever rant in the first place. Oklahoma: “This Berlyn is tougher than Chinese algebra.” Wall walks out and Vampiro hits a release superplex. Only (not a wrestler) comes in for the double team and The Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) sets up a camel clutch with the chain for the pin.

 

Rating: N/A. The bell never rang so I don’t think this was an actual match. As for the match, I have no idea why it’s on the card as Vampy and Berlyn were ever chained together at any time. It wasn’t a good match or anything either as Wall was the one out there doing most of the work while a singer that most people probably didn’t know was beaten up. I don’t get the point of this at all.

 

Steve Williams comes in and beats down both guys post match. So THAT was the point of it.

 

Scott Hall (POP) talks about Rick Steiner not being here for the title vs. title match. Hall is the new TV Champion because Steiner can’t defend it. He was already the US Champion. Hall issues an open challenge for later.

 

Hennnig is leaving and is congratulated by some guys as he leaves.

 

Kimberly is here, an hour and thirty five minutes into the show.

 

Meng vs. Total Package

 

Luger is the Package for those of you uninitiated. He’s in the neck collar and hasn’t been wanting to wrestle at all lately so this is a continuation of that story. Luger gets his shirt ripped off quickly and there go the pants too. Again, WHAT IS WITH THE RIPPING OFF OF MEN’S CLOTHING??? Luger goes to the eyes and manages to suplex Meng despite having a bad neck. The suplex isn’t sold either so we’ll call it even.

 

They go outside for a bit and Luger hammers away as they come back in. Meng tries the Tongan Death Grip but he can’t get past the neck brace. Instead he steps on the throat while we talk about the main event. Powerslam gets two for Lex. He rams Meng’s head into the buckle. I guess when they say Total Package that doesn’t include intelligence as YOU DON’T HIT A SAMOAN IN THE HEAD. Meng starts his comeback as this is going in slow motion. Liz has some spray or something but it hits Luger instead. Meng takes the brace off and the Death Grip ends it.

 

Rating: D. In other words, Liz was Jimmy Hart, Luger was Brian Knobs and Meng was Norman Smiley. I’ll give Russo this: I’ve seen him go shorter than this between using the same style of an ending. This was another match where I have no idea what the point of this being on the PPV was but I’m sure it made sense at the time. I’m not being serious with that last line but I thought I’d try being nice for a change.

 

Bret says he’ll win and Luger walks behind him ranting about his loss. Bret doesn’t stop talking.

 

David Flair is “polishing his crowbar” for his time where he’ll try to hold Kimberly down against her will later or make her scream about how she can’t take it anymore.

 

US Title/TV Title: Scott Hall vs. ???

 

Booker T accepts the challenge. Hall is so over it’s incredible. Since it was more newsworthy when he was sober than the other way around though, that would never result in a world title run. He says Nash is coming and they’re going to have a party later. Hall rams his shoulders into Booker for that signature spot of his. Booker fires off a hook kick and is booed during the cover.

 

Side slam gets two. Hall gets knocked to the floor but comes back with a chokeslam for two. Much like any other match with it being thrown together on the fly like this, there’s not much to it because there’s no story or hatred to it. Fallaway slam puts Booker down and we go to the floor again. Off to a sleeper as the fans are looking at something to the right of the ring. Here are Jarrett and Creative Control AGAIN. They go after Booker, he fights them off, Booker gets caught in the Outsider’s Edge and Hall retains.

 

Rating: D+. Again, WHAT WAS THE POINT??? In this case I’m talking about the run-in. This is what, the third match they’ve been involved with? We get it: he’s trying to disrupt things. Can we please have a match that ends cleanly? Is it that much to ask? Oh wait Russo is running things SO OF COURSE IT IS. This gets really frustrating after awhile.

 

Midnight, the black Chyna ripoff, makes the save for the post match beatdown.

 

Lex can’t find Liz.

 

We recap Kimberly vs. David Flair. She wanted to sleep with David Flair but got Ric instead. David went insane because of it and wanted to beat her for some reason. I still don’t get the point of this.

 

Kimberly vs. David Flair

 

Let’s get this over with. She does look good at least. Kimberly stretches a lot to try to distract David. Within thirty seconds, Flair is kicked low (no effect) and the referee is shoved. David gets the crowbar and she gets on her knees in front of him. Crowd: “SUCK IT SUCK IT SUCK IT!” She reaches for his crotch and pulls his cup out so she can kick him in the balls. The fans are dead.

 

David picks up the crowbar but Kanyon comes out to beat him up. Now here’s DDP to hit the Diamond Cutter on David. His ribs are killing him though. DDP gets the crowbar but Arn Anderson comes out and takes the bar away from him. David hits Arn with the crowbar and leaves, I guess ending this.

 

Rating: N/A. Get me a wrestling match and I’ll rate it. Kimberly looked great.

 

Arn is taken out on a stretcher to fill in some time.

 

We recap Sid vs. Goldberg which is part of Sid’s Millennium Man deal where he was going to break Goldberg’s record for a win streak which turned into a comedy deal where chokeslamming people counted as wins and all that jazz. They kept having big brawls and the Streak might have been broken. It’s not mentioned but who cares about stuff like that I suppose.

 

Sid says he’ll never say I Quit. It’s an I Quit match if that wasn’t mentioned.

 

Sid Vicious vs. Goldberg

 

Sid jumps him during the entrance and the piped in chants begin. You can tell as no one is moving yet everyone is chanting. Sid is knocked to the floor and they slug it out again. Sid is WAY over and there’s a cobra clutch slam to Goldberg. Another cobra clutch slam sets up a chokeslam and make that a pair of them. Goldberg counters a choke into a cross armbreaker and is booed out of the building. Back to the arm and Goldberg isn’t sure what to do. Off to something resembling a cobra clutch and Sid is out cold in maybe 20 seconds to end it minus saying I Quit.

 

Rating: F. Well let’s see. In an I Quit match between two monsters, it was a standard Goldberg match with a sloppy looking hold to end it. What was the point of this? I know I’ve asked that a lot tonight but that’s what I leave most of these matches asking: what did that happen for? Nothing match and it does little for either guy.

 

Lex blames Liz for the loss and threatens her despite not being able to find her.

 

WCW World Title: Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit

 

Long feeling out process that leads to Bret hooking an armbar. The fans are for Bret but they’re not against Benoit if that makes sense. Benoit tries a comeback with various strikes but a sunset flip is rolled through into a Sharpshooter attempt. Benoit avoids that into a Crossface attempt but Bret grabs the rope. They’re still cool though and have a handshake.

 

Bret throws him to the floor and a fan jumps out of the crowd in a hockey jersey and face paint to beat up Benoit. It’s Malenko so Bret beats up him and mark run-in #1 since Bret Hart vs. Chris Benoit in Canada with over 15 minutes isn’t enough to have a good match right? Benoit fights back with more basic stuff like a backdrop. Bret might have bad ribs so Benoit starts firing off the suplexes.

 

A tombstone looks to set up the swan dive which hits but here’s Scott Hall to take out the referee. Nash is here too with a chair but here’s Goldberg to fight them off. Hall and Hart fight up the aisle as Benoit is down. The Outsiders leave and we have a second referee. Goldberg jumps the Outsiders and beats them to the back as Benoit starts in on Bret’s knee. Since the world title match isn’t important enough we go split screen to see the Outsiders get pulled off Goldberg.

 

Ok NOW we can get into the title match, 12 minutes into it. Benoit hooks on the figure four and Bret’s knee has been worked over. Bret grabs the rope and goes to a comeback, hitting a backbreaker for two. A top rope superplex hits and both guys are down. Benoit’s back is getting messed up quickly here which means it’s Sharpshooter time soon. Benoit falls on top of Bret in a slam for two and goes to the outside to try to clear his head. He counters a suplex back in and hits the Rolling Germans. He goes for the Crossface but Bret rolls out. Bret grabs the legs into the Sharpshooter and Bret wins the title.

 

Rating: C+. Pretty good match but the run-ins crippled it just like the rest of the matches tonight. I mean seriously, you have two of the best ever out of Canada and this is what you decide to do to them? The match was kind of a mess on top of that as different parts were worked on until the ending where Bret picked the back which made sense. It’s a good match but it was running with an anchor.

 

Tony calls this “just another chapter in Bret’s career.” Nice way to sell this as a huge moment.

 

Overall Rating: D. I have no idea what they were going for here. The CONSTANT run-ins aren’t redeemed by a long and fairly good main event. How many times have you heard that about Impact in the past say two years? Two matches, as in the main event and the elimination tag are over ten minutes long. The idea is to have short matches on TV to set up the long ones on PPV. Russo never quite gets that, but there are a lot of things he doesn’t get. Nothing to see here for the most part.

 

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