I was watching the older Wrestlemanias a few weeks ago and Gorilla brought up something interesting.You would hear Gorilla talking about some wrestler and say that if they hit whatever their signature move was, the match would be over.  This got me to thinking: are they any moves that are a guaranteed victory anymore?  Back in the day, when someone kicked out of a big time finisher, it was a world changing event.  Today if it doesn’t happen three times in a match the match is considered subpar.  At that point, a move isn’t a finisher anymore.  It’s a move you happen to do in a match.

Monday Nitro #112
Date: November 3, 1997
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,366
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

We’re closing in on Starrcade and most importantly we have a main event signed up for it. Sting signed the contract on Tuesday and the match is officially set. I’d be shocked if we hear about anything else tonight, even though we have a PPV coming up in the near future. Tonight looks like another show with a ton of matches on it like last week. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from the “press conference” from last night with Sting signing the contract (while not looking at the paper) before pointing the bat at Hogan and walking away.

Eddie Guerrero/Dean Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio/Steven Regal

Now there are some interesting pairings. Dean and Rey start things out and head to the mat very quickly to trade submission attempts. The masked man hooks a hammerlock and Malenko can’t figure him out this time. Off to Regal vs. Eddie with Regal taking over with a forearm to the back of the head. Regal is acting like his usual heelish self which makes the team all the stranger.

A dropkick to the knee slows Regal down though as do various kicks to said knee. Regal comes back with a cross body of all things and it’s off to Rey with a springboard rana for two. Back to Malenko who is immediately sent to the floor by a headscissors. We get face (I think?) miscommunication with Rey accidentally running into Regal, allowing Eddie to powerbomb Rey down. Guerrero goes up but Dean puts on the Cloverleaf for the tap out by Mysterio.

Rating: C+. With the talent in there did you expect this to be anything but entertaining? The three way feud with Malenko vs. Guerrero vs. Mysterio was very entertaining as the matches more than backed up and even surpassed whatever the stories were between the three guys. Good opener here.

Regal kicks Mysterio post match because he’s a villain and would eventually have the trunks to prove it.

Fit Finlay vs. Dave Taylor

A quick armbar takes Taylor down but it doesn’t lead anywhere. Raven and company are here as is their custom. Finlay takes him down to the mat again and hooks a nerve hold complete with fishhooking the mouth. Taylor comes back with some forearms to the face and a headscissors to speed things up a bit. A gutbuster puts Finlay down again but Dave misses a cross body, allowing Finlay to tombstone him down for the pin. Short but physical as these European matches usually are.

We get a phone call from Bischoff who is annoyed at the announcers talking down about Hogan for allegedly ducking Sting. Hogan has offered Sting a bunch of title shots and Sting hasn’t showed so Hogan isn’t a coward. In a weird twisted way, that makes sense. Eric brags about the success of the movie and gets in a jab at McMahon for running a Best of Survivor Series show but the movie destroyed it.

Yuji Nagata vs. Psychosis

Nagata fires off kicks to start but gets dropkicked down for his efforts. Psychosis can’t follow up though, presumably due to boredom at spending that much time around Nagata. Yuji heads to the floor to confer with Sonny Onoo, only to have the masked dude dive over the top to take out Nagata. An apron legdrop gets two back inside but as Psycho tries a top rope rana Nagata shoves him down and fires off some hard kicks. A powerbomb puts Psychosis down again but he pops up for some kicks to take Nagata down. Instead of covering though he goes after Onoo, only to be kicked by Yuji and finished by the Nagata Lock.

Rating: D+. The match was ok but as always I don’t get the appeal of Nagata. I understand that his Japanese stuff is better, but that doesn’t translate over well to America. He’s very dull and just kicks people before putting them in his leg lock. Oh and he works for Sonny Onoo, like almost every other foreign heel in the cruiserweight division.

Raven is in a classroom and talks about never following the rules as a child.

TV Title: Perry Saturn vs. Disco Inferno

Disco is defending and this is Saturn’s in ring debut. The champion jumps him to start and pounds away, only to be suplexed down to give Saturn control. A hammerlock belly to belly suplex takes Disco down again and it’s off to an armbar. Saturn legdrops the arm and puts on something like a cross armbreaker. The Eliminators leg sweep gets two and it’s off to more arm holds. Saturn keeps changing them up every few seconds to keep things moving. We get a quick ECW chant as Saturn hits a quick kick to take Disco down.

A clothesline sets up a suplex but Saturn stares at Raven instead of covering. Off to a Fujiwara armbar before standing Disco up and driving a knee into the arm to put him on the mat again. Back to the armbar but Disco comes back with a quick clothesline for two. Saturn shrugs it off and superkicks him in the back of the head to get control again. A perfect release German suplex puts Disco down again as Larry compares Saturn and Raven to Arn and Flair. Saturn hooks a tiger suplex and the Rings of Saturn gives us a new champion.

Rating: C. This was a total squash and a great way to put Saturn over as a killer. Disco wasn’t a long term champion and was just a goofy character who lucked his way into the title, so this was basically an extended version of the Honky Tonk Man/Ultimate Warrior formula. Saturn looked great here.

The Flock celebrates post match and Raven throws Richards to the floor because he can.

Ric Flair rants about wanting to beat up Hennig at World War 3.

Here’s Hall with something to say. After the survey he shifts his attention to Syxx and Nash being injured. After glossing over them he move son to Larry Zbyszko who apparently used to be good but now can’t even beat Eric Bischoff. Larry gets out of the commentary booth and has a contract ready for a match with Hall right now. Naturally Hall won’t sign it as we go to a break.

Scott Hall vs. Chris Jericho

After throwing a toothpick in Jericho’s face, Scott is taken down to the mat with an armdrag. The announers talk about World War III and the winner getting a title shot at SuperBrawl (which would wind up being Souled Out). Jericho takes him down by the arm and Larry is suddenly his biggest fan. A big right hand puts the Canadian down and there’s the fallaway slam for good measure. Hall loads up the Outsider’s Edge but Jericho pushes off the top rope and flips down in front of Scott. A small package out of nowhere gives Jericho the completely clean pin and the biggest win of his career. The crowd goes NUTS.

Post match Hall jumps Jericho and hits the Edge which brings Larry to the ring with the contract.

We get the sixth and I believe final part of Lucha Libre and the Mexican Luchadores, this time focusing on various high risk moves.

Battle Royal

Ciclope, Damien, El Dandy, Hector Garza, Juventud Guerrera, Lizmark Jr., Silver King, Villano IV, Villano V

It’s a big brawl to start as you would expect. Everyone uses some kind of high risk move and no one is eliminated for about two minutes. Cue the Giant to chokeslam and toss everyone around. The match is thrown out of course.

Giant talks about being a hungry giant for Thanksgiving and World War 3. He hopes it comes down to him and Kevin Nash so he can shot Nash who the real big man is.

Alex Wright vs. Ric Flair

Feeling out process to start with Wright taking over in the corner, only to be chopped down and backdropped for good measure. Alex rolls to the floor and has to be talked back into the ring by Queen Debra. Back in and Flair chops again, only to be taken down by a spinwheel kick. Wright stomps him down in the corner as the announcers talk about the NWO because it’s been a full five minutes since they’ve done so. A dropkick puts Flair down and some elbows keep him there so Wright can put his feet on the ropes for two ala Flair.

A suplex brings Flair back in from the apron for two. Flair chops away as Tenay and Tony make predictions about who might win the battle royal and who they might fight at World War 3. Alex is sent to the floor and chopped before Flair belly to back suplexes him on the floor for good measure. Back in and Alex goes up, only to get crotched and shaken on the top rope. A suplex puts Wright down and it’s the Figure four for the submission.

Rating: C. Just a quick match here as Flair continues to make people look good even this late in his career. It never ceases to amaze me how smooth Flair is out there. Yeah his stuff is really basic but it works well enough to make even an eight minute match like this work well. Good stuff here in a basic wrestling match.

Ray Traylor vs. Steve McMichael

Traylor works on the arm to start but Mongo grabs a wristlock of his own to take over. A shoulder block puts Ray down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Back in and the announcers talk about World War 3 a bit more. Traylor takes Mongo down and rams Mongo’s knee into the post a few times. Back up and a double clothesline puts both guys down and we’ve got Goldberg, complete with Mongo’s Super Bowl ring. The distraction lets Traylor hit the Boss Man Slam for the pin.

Rating: D. This falls into the boring category rather than bad. It was slow and plodding between two guys that weren’t capable of carrying a match at this point. Mongo vs. Goldberg would continue to bore audiences for months while Traylor at least got to have a decent six man tag at Starrcade.

Here are Page and Kimberly for an interview. Page says he’s banged up but this is what he loves to do. He claims that Halloween Havoc had the biggest PPV audience ever. I’d love to see some data to back that up. Page was jazzed to fight Savage and Hogan in back to back nights and Hogan couldn’t beat him. He’d love another shot at him after winning World War 3.

The Nitro Girls dance a bit.

Tag Titles: Public Enemy vs. Steiner Brothers

This is a Philadelphia street fight with the Steiners defending. The challengers set up a pair of tables on top of each other as they come to the ring. It’s a brawl to start before Rick can even get his jacket off. Scott slams Rock to the floor and we get down to Rick vs. Johnny before the partners switch off. There are no tags here so they’re coming and going freely. We go split screen with Rick sending Grunge into the steps. Rocco crotches himself and all four are on the floor for a bit.

Johnny sends Rick back into the ring but Grunge punches him out to the floor with a single right hand. Scott and Rocco fight up by the announcers’ booth before fighting over to the set. Grunge is choking Rick and the other two are heading back to the ring. Rick gets double teamed and backdropped out to the floor for good measure. Rock hits Rick in the back with a chair and loads him up on the double tables. The Steiners’ manager Ted DiBiase pulls Rick out though and it’s Grunge crashing through the tables, giving Scott the easy pin.

Rating: C-. If you like the ECW style of brawling, you probably would have liked this. The match didn’t do much for me though as it was mainly just punching around the arena and not very entertaining for the most part. Then again, this is in Philadelphia so it’s the perfect crowd for something like this.

Buy your Syxx shirt!

We look at last year’s World War 3.

US Title: Lex Luger vs. Curt Hennig

Hennig is defending. Feeling out process to start until a hard clothesline puts Hennig down in the corner. Another clothesline puts the champion down and we take a break. Back with Hennig on the floor and yelling with a fan. Back in and Hennig stomps away at the ribs before choking on the ropes.

A clothesline gets two for the champion and it’s time for some corner choking. Hennig stomps him a bit and covers for two before it’s off to a neck crank. Luger fights up and sends Hennig into the corner for an overblown flip. There’s the forearm to set up the Rack but Hennig grabs the rope and they both tumble to the floor as Flair runs in for the DQ.

Rating: D+. You really would have expected these two to have a far better match than this. I don’t ever recall seeing Hennig less motivated than this, which made Luger the workhorse of the match. The ending was predictable which didn’t help Hennig’s lack of motivation. Not much to see here at all.

Luger yells at Flair to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The show wasn’t bad but for the most part it was just there. The building towards the PPV is odd as Starrcade is clearly the huge show but we have to get World War 3 out of the way first. The problem is that’s a big show with a big prize on the line, so the build is split between both shows and it’s not really working. There was some good stuff on here though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Xplosion
Date: March 20, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Eric Bischoff

This is another show I’ve never looked at before but I need something for this date. Xplosion is TNA’s secondary show which you hardly ever hear about for no apparent reason. For a company that has so many issues related to the lack of TV time they have, not talking about an extra hour a week they have to use isn’t the smartest idea in the world. I have no idea what to expect here but we’re just after Victory Road where pretty much nothing happened. Let’s get to it.

Bischoff is introduced as a surprise commentator but he has to tweet something on the way to the ring. This was TNA’s REALLY big thing at the time and it made WWE’s obsession with it pale in comparison.

Eric Young vs. Kazarian

Young and ODB recently won the Knockouts Tag Titles which they still hold as of this writing. There are blue lights in the arena for some reason, making it look like a more laid back Sin Cara match. Eric locks up with the referee to start before things speed up. It’s a crisscross but Kaz rolls out of the ring. Young keeps running until Kaz gets on the mic and calls him a buffoon. Kaz wants none of this tomfoolery so he heads back inside, only to be caught in an armbar.

Young gets thrown to the floor as the fans loudly cheer for the bizarre one. We take a break and come back with Kaz holding a chinlock. Young fights up with some shots to the ribs, only to get caught by a spin kick to the face. Off to a front facelock for a bit until Eric comes back with a jawbreaker. For no apparent reason Young takes his pants off and comes back with a belly to belly suplex. A slam puts Kaz down again and there’s a top rope elbow for two. Kaz comes back by putting Eric’s pants on his face (just go with it) but Eric hits a missile dropkick for two. A low blow and rollup with feet on the ropes gives Kaz the pin.

Rating: D-. I do not like Eric Young. His “comedy” isn’t funny and it only has been once or twice in his entire run in TNA. Seeing a man put his pants on his head and seeing him enjoy it doesn’t make me care about this guy and I have no desire to see his schtick anymore. Hopefully he stops it now that he’s come back to TNA.

Something is strange here because we’re getting a preview of Victory Road which would have already happened when this show aired. Maybe the date on the video I have is wrong but it’s the best I can go with.

We get a preview of the main event of the PPV, which is a non title fight between Sting and world champion Bobby Roode. It’s not about the title but rather respect you see.

Robbie T isn’t sure that the cameraman is on the List. Oh wait apparently they are and it’s ok for Robbie to be asked about his Open Challenge at the PPV. D-Von would accept the challenge and win the title in a moment I still don’t understand.

Sting talks about suggesting he’s quitting, which of course he’s incapable of doing. Roode bragged about being the guy that managed to get rid of Sting after all the wars Sting has been through. This is a long video that is basically the two of them saying they’ll win on Sunday in their no holds barred match.

It’s time for Spin Cycle which is a panel discussion show. The guests are So Cal Val, Knockouts Champion Gail Kim (this is previously recorded so she’s half of the tag champions too) and the Robbies. We talk about Robbie E’s sweater before the first topic is given as best and worst dressed on the TNA roster. Robbie E says he’s best dressed, T says Flair, So Cal Val says Flair also with Bully Ray as worst dressed, Gail picks Christy Hemme and ODB respectfully. Is there a point to this coming anytime soon? Jeremy picks the girls here for best because he’s a suck up.

Now we talk about what phones you have. Both Rob’s have iPhone 4s, Gail has Android but wants a Blackberry again. Val wants a Blackberry as well. Now it’s time for The List, which is the top three people blowing up Robbie E’s phone this week. At #3 it’s Mike Tenay asking for wrestling knowledge, #2 is Hogan who apparently calls Big Rob’s phone for arm workout advice, and #1 is Dixie Carter.

We look at a clip from an earlier Spin Cycle with Joey Fatone (who now appears to be a fat one indeed) who talks about rumors of an affair with ODB. Eric Young freaked out and ran away before locking up with Fatone. They roll around on the floor a bit and that’s it.

Back to this week’s Spin Cycle which is now talking about celebrities they have dated. E says he dated Kelly from Saved By the Bell, T won’t answer, Gail says her real life husband Robert Irvine and Val says her first date ever was with Chris Masters. That’s it for the Spin Cycle, thank goodness.

We close things out with the Ultimate X match for the X Title at Victory Road 2011.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E

 

Kaz is defending coming in. The idea here is the title is hung over the ring on cables that cross to form an X. You have to climb across to grab the title and can’t use a ladder. It’s supposed to be all about Kaz remember. This is the 24^th Ultimate X match in history apparently and Kaz’s, who is defending fifth. This is kind of a weird triple that with Gen Me vs. Robbie vs. Kaz. The team beats up both guys to start us off.

 

Kaz fights them off for a bit and manages a springboard up to the X in a cool spot. That gets him nowhere as Robbie comes in and stomps away. Max goes up but it’s Robbie stopping him. Cookie is hot but the voice is annoying. Gen Me gets everyone down and goes for the belt until Robbie stops them again. Kaz is back in now and faces off with Jersey Boy.

 

Robbie escapes the Fade to Black (that reverse Piledriver) and gets backdropped to the floor, hitting his ankle on the steps. Gen Me wakes up again and takes down both guys one more time. Jeremy gets a sweet assisted moonsault to take Robbie and Kaz down. Max is all alone but wants Jeremy to help him up instead. Jeremy holds off Kaz and Max makes a run at it. Kaz of course saves as Robbie has a bad ankle still.

 

Double dropkick puts down Kaz and a baseball slide does the same to Robbie. Jeremy does this weird reverse jump to get up and holds off Kaz. This again fails and Maz, who also was trying to get the belt, is swung backwards and gets knocked off and caught in a cutter to put him down. Robbie gets up and goes for the title, only to get pulled down by Max. And never mind as Max is sent into the structure by Kaz and gets stuck. That’s different if nothing else.

 

Everyone is down now and Max is unhooked for a change. Kaz hits Fade to Black on Robbie but gets kicked by Jeremy. Jeremy tries to go up only to take an enziguri from the champion to put him down. Flux Capacitor (suplex/rock bottom) off the top by Kaz puts Jeremy down again. Robbie and Kaz both go across at the same time. Gen Me kicks Robbie down and swing the champion down too in a nice bump.

 

Jeremy goes up and Max is ticked. Max pulls him down which is the point of the match. They both go from opposite corners and both are hung by their legs upside down in the middle. They slug it out up there until Robbie grabs a ladder to take them down. Kaz goes above the X and grabs the title at the same time as Robbie. Kaz pulls it up but there’s no bell. Oh there it is.

 

Rating: C+. It’s ok but this is a match that has been done so many times that there wasn’t much here. It’s definitely one of the weaker matches they’ve had with this gimmick but it’s still good. Fun match but they kept trying to play up the Bucks only for them to break up and not play a factor in the end. Fun, but definitely not great.

Overall Rating: D+. Um…yeah. I can see why this show isn’t mentioned by Impact. What in the world was the point of this thing? We had a worthless feature match, a twelve minute talk show segment which wasn’t even up to date, and a LONG match which was better than almost anything on the upcoming PPV. This is one of those shows that you should only watch if you REALLY love TNA, which is stupid when it could be so much more.

Here’s Victory Road if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2012/03/18/victory-road-2012-i-want-to-punch-twitter-in-the-face/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania XI
Date: April 2, 1995
Location: Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Attendance: 16,305
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vince McMahon

This is one of the dark Wrestlemanias in that it was a very bad time for the company. That being said, the show was very well received and wound up being kind of a saving grace for the WWF. The main events are Diesel defending the title against Shawn (shocking I know) and Bam Bam Bigelow vs. NFL Hall of Famer (not at this point though) Lawrence Taylor. Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from every Wrestlemania. That’s a nice idea, especially for back then when you can do this in 90 seconds. Today it would take way too long. Apparently Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy and others are starring in this show. Good to know indeed.

A special Olympian sings America the Beautiful. Nothing wrong with that.

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

I don’t remember if Allied Powers was their official name but it’s Luger/British Bulldog. The Brothers are whatever name you best know the Harris Brothers by, which is most likely the DOA. The timing of this redo is perfect, as their manager is Uncle Zebekiah, who is currently Zeb Colter, manager of Jack Swagger. It’s a big brawl to start and the good guys hit stereo powerslams to take over. Bulldog and we’ll say Jacob (partner of Eli) start and there’s the delayed vertical after only a few seconds.

Off to a headlock by the Brit as Vince sounds like he’s in an auditorium for some reason. The Brothers take over with heel power moves and it’s off to Eli for a side slam. A double big boot from the twins puts Bulldog right back down but Bulldog starts firing off right hands. With the referee holding the Bulldog back, the Brothers pull a switch but they switch back just a few seconds later. That’s some high quality leadership there Zeb.

We’ll say Jacob takes too much time on a middle rope elbow so the British guy moves. Hot tag brings in Luger and house is cleaned. There’s a powerslam and the steel forearm smash gets two. Zebekiah interferes and the twins switch again, allowing Eli to kick out of the forearm which didn’t hit him. Not that it matters as British hits a sunset flip for the pin out of nowhere. Not that he was legal or anything but who cares?

Rating: C-. This match uh…..exists I guess. Seriously that’s all I’ve got here. It wasn’t a good match or anything but I’ve seen worse. That’s the problem here: it’s so average that it’s barely worth talking about. Luger would be gone in a few months back to WCW, which was the best move as he was doing stuff like this for the next six months or so. Nothing to see here at all and a really odd choice for a match and especially the opener.

Apparently that win deserves fireworks. If that’s the high point of the show, we’re in BIG trouble.

Zebekiah demands justice because the wrong Blu got pinned.

Nicholas Turturro is supposed to interview Pamela Anderson but we have audio difficulties.

Lawler explains football: it’s just like the post office. “Eleven guys spend an hour trying to move a small object 100 yards.” Andy Griffith he is not.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett, the champion, has a manager here named The Roadie who would become Jesse James, making this the ultimate battle of the double initials. This is a rematch from the Rumble where Ramon got counted out but agreed to come back in where he lost the title when his knee gave out. The 1-2-3 Kid is with Razor to counteract the Roadie. Razor decks Jeff to start and the champion immediately heads to the floor. That’s nice of him as it allows Razor’s pyro to go off.

A big right hand takes Jarrett down and Razor clotheslines him out to the floor for good measure. Back in and a sunset flip out of the corner by the champion is blocked by a right hand. Ramon keeps up his barrage of punches by faking Jarrett out and punching him even more. Roadie bails Jarrett out of the Razor’s Edge and the champion regroups a bit on the floor.

Back inside and Roadie cheats a bit with some choking, only to have Jeff miss a charge and land on him. All Razor so far. Back in again and Jarrett hits a swinging neckbreaker and some dropkicks to take over. We hit the chinlock for a bit before things speed up with both guys getting near falls. Jarrett hooks a sleeper that lasts even less time than the chinlock so Jeff punches him down and hooks another chinlock.

Razor escapes again via a suplex but both guys are down. They get up at the same time and collide to put them down again. That’s a bit of overkill but whatever. Again they get up and a double punch puts them down for a third time. Ramon comes back with more punches and they actually stay up for once. A fallaway slam gets two and there’s the discus punch to put Jarrett down again. The Kid tries to interfere but gets kicked into the barricade.

Razor loads up his middle rope bulldog but misses and lands on his bad knee. The Figure Four goes on and Razor is in trouble. After some interference from Roadie, Ramon turns the hold over but Jeff quickly lets it go. Ramon hits a quick belly to back superplex to put Jarret down and it’s time for the Edge, which draws in Roadie for the DQ.

Rating: C. This match was mainly punches but Razor was so insanely over the he carried the crowd. Jarrett was pretty dull at this point but he would reach all new levels of dull later on in WCW. Razor would finally get the title back in a ladder match on a house show in May, but it would only last for two days. The match here was ok but nothing worth seeing. It was better than the first match though.

Post match Jarrett puts the Kid in the Figure Four.

Jarrett says that was perfectly good conduct for a champion.

Turturro is with Jenny McCarthy and nothing of note is said. Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be seen but Shawn pops in to say nothing is wrong. Team DiBiase is behind them planning for later. Sid says Diesel is going down tonight.

King Kong Bundy vs. Undertaker

This is part of the never ending Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Corporation feud. The Corporation stole the Urn at the Rumble and tonight is about revenge and getting the Urn back. Before Taker comes out, Todd Pettingil talks to some football player. The referee is a Major League umpire who is moonlighting because MLB is on strike. Undertaker stares at DiBiase before the bell and Ted drops the Urn.

Taker pounds away to start and hits Young School but he can’t drop Bundy. The jumping clothesline finally puts him down but Bundy knocks him over the top to the floor in retaliation. Taker lands on his feet right in front of DiBiase and takes the Urn back from him. Paul Bearer gets the Urn back but Kama Mustafa (Godfather) comes out to steal the Urn back. This is like a bad comedy.

Taker tries to stop the theft but Bundy jumps the Dead Man, allowing Kama to get it. He says he’s going to melt it down and make it a necklace. Bundy pounds on Taker a bit and slams him down before getting two off a knee drop. We hit the fat man chinlock fot a bit before Taker fights up, only to get caught by the Avalanche in the corner. No selling is done today, and it’s a slam and the jumping clothesline to make Taker 4-0.

Rating: D. This was nothing but a formality for Undertaker as we continue the Urn stealing story for even longer. Bundy was worthless here, other than long forgotten star power. This feud kept going and never got interesting at all since DiBiase’s team was all lame power guys. Nothing to see here and probably Undertaker’s least interesting Mania match ever.

Turturro still can’t find Pamela Anderson. Instead he finds Lawrence Taylor’s All-Pro team of football players who are here to counter the Million Dollar Team. One of these guys is Mongo, future US Champion. Turturro moves on to find Bob Backlund playing chess with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Backlund goes nuts when he hears Anderson is missing because he has no idea who she is.

Thomas (a 12 year old actor from Home Improvement at the time) checkmates him so Backlund accuses him of taking advantage of his elders. Backlund asks him three questions (who was the 34^th President, what is the capital of Honduras, and who is Chief Justice of the Supreme Court) which Thomas answers correctly. Backlund: “THAT’S THE TROUBLE WITH YOUTH TODAY!!! THEY THINK THEY KNOW EVERTHING!!!” Crazy Backlund was GOLD.

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/??? vs. Smoking Gunns

Owen introduces Yokozuna as his mystery partner. The Gunns are defending here and say they’ll win. Owen and Billy start things off with Hart trying to speed things up. That goes badly for him as Billy slaps him in the face and brings in Bart to work on the arm. Owen fights back though and brings in Yoko who misses an elbow drop. Back to Owen as we’re firmly in the Colossal Connection formula (Owen does the wrestling, Yoko comes in for a few seconds to destroy whoever he’s fighting).

The Gunns hit a double legsweep on Hart and a double flapjack gets two. Owen finally escapes a backdrop attempt and brings in Yoko. Billy gets taken down and sat on, giving the foreigners control. Off to a nerve hold which hopefully doesn’t last as long as the ones last year did. After we kill a minute or so in the hold, Owen loads up a missile dropkick but hits his partner by mistake. There’s the hot tag to Bart and house is cleaned, but Billy walks into a belly to belly suplex. The Banzai Drop hits but Bart breaks up the pin. Not that it really matters though as Owen covers Billy for the pin and the title, Owen’s first in the company.

Rating: C-. Another decent but lackluster match here which is the theme of this show. The Gunns losing was definitely the right call as Owen and Yoko made for dominant champions for several months. Other than that though, the match was boring stuff overall. Owen finally getting a title was a good moment though.

Bam Bam Bigelow is in the back and we look at the history between him and Taylor. At the Rumble, Bigelow lost in the finals of a tag title tournament and Taylor laughed at him. Bigelow shoved him and Wrestlemania was made. Bigelow doesn’t have anything significant to say here. For some reason Todd Pettingil has headphones on here, presumably because of the audio difficulties. Apparently Lawler accidentally kicked some cords out and the commentary had to be re-recorded later. Maybe that’s what’s going on.

Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

This is an I Quit match with Roddy Piper as guest referee. They had a previous I Quit match at Survivor Series which wound up being pretty awesome as an old school style match that ran about thirty five minutes. Thanks to Owen cheating, Backlund won the title and shocked the world, so tonight is about revenge for Hart. Piper is here for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Bret pounds away to start and sends Backlund hard into the corner. An early Sharpshooter attempt is blocked so Bret drops an elbow. Bret keeps pounding on him and Piper asks if Backlund quits way too often. Another Sharpshooter attempt doesn’t work so here’s a Figure Four by Bret instead. Backlund turns it over but Bret lets go before it goes badly for him.

Off to a leg lock by Hart as the match slows down a bit. We hear about Bret hating Japanese people which was an angle that didn’t go anywhere. Backlund grabs at Bret’s face to escape before finally just kicking Hart in the face. Bob starts going after the arm but Bret avoids the chickenwing. Instead it’s a Fujiwara Armbar and the fans are getting restless. Bob pounds on the arm even more with an armbar as Piper asks Bret if he gives up for about the dozenth time.

Bret finally fights back and hits the backbreaker and middle rope elbow. The Sharpshooter doesn’t work but Bret misses a charge into the corner, going shoulder first into the post. Bob hooks the chickenwing but Bret reverses into one of his own. Backlund yells incoherently which apparently counts as a submission, giving Bret the win.

Rating: D+. I love the original version of this but the rematch didn’t work at all. For one thing, a match about making someone quit with guys of this caliber should probably be longer than ten minutes. On top of that, it was really dull stuff. This didn’t work at all and even Bret has said it’s one of his least favorite matches ever.

Backlund says he saw the light and looks crazier than usual.

Pamela Anderson is nowhere to be found so changes have been made. Ok then.

Diesel says something that I can’t understand because the audio keeps messing up. This is getting REALLY annoying. The audio is fixed long enough for Diesel to say nothing of note.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas comes out to be timekeeper for the title match. Turturro is ring announcer because we haven’t seen him enough tonight. At least he seems excited to be here though.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel

Diesel is defending and Jenny McCarthy comes out with Shawn. Pam Anderson comes out with Diesel to tick Shawn off, even though I thought McCarthy looked better. Shawn tries to jump Diesel but gets backdropped to the floor so Anderson can come in and pose. We actually get going and Shawn is dropped by a right hand. Diesel beals him out of the corner and Shawn is in trouble early.

A big backdrop puts Shawn down and Diesel throws him out to the floor. It’s time to stall until Sid distracts Diesel. That doesn’t work either as Diesel blasts Shawn coming in. Shawn pounds away in the corner but gets shoved away like he’s not even there. A suplex puts Shawn down and Diesel easily throws him out to the floor. Sid’s latest attempt at a distraction lets Shawn get in a few punches and gain brief control.

Diesel is thrown to the floor but Shawn skins the cat to stay alive. A BIG dive off the top takes Diesel down and a baseball slide keeps him down. Shawn tries another baseball slide but Diesel steps to the side, only to accidentally ram himself ribs first into the post. A Sid chant breaks out as Shawn hits a running splash off the apron. They get back in as Sid and Hebner get in an argument which goes nowhere.

Shawn stays on the ribs before getting two off a middle rope bulldog. Back to the injured back/ribs of Diesel we go as the fans are behind Shawn now. A top rope elbow hits the back for two. The champ counters a front facelock into a backdrop and there’s a second one. Shawn sends him into the buckle to slow Diesel down again and there’s a sleeper. The champ escapes and hits a corner clothesline followed by Snake Eyes.

We head to the floor for a second time and Diesel wins a quick slugout. Sid tries to interfere and does nothing at all so we head back inside for a superkick. The referee has hurt his ankle (has there ever been a more prone to injury referee than Earl Hebner? He’s ALWAYS getting hurt) so the kick only gets two. Sid rips a buckle pad off but Diesel suplexes Shawn down before he can do anything about it.

They’re both down now as Hebner’s ankle is strong enough for him to stand up now. Shawn goes to the middle rope for something resembling a dropkick but jumps into a side slam. That was a cool looking catch. Diesel still can’t follow up because of the ribs but he manages to scoop Shawn’s legs out and launch him into (the buckle below) the exposed buckle. A big boot and the Jackknife retain the title as Anderson asks someone if she’s supposed to be clapping now.

Rating: B. It’s good but somehow this won Match of the Year in PWI. For the life of me I have no idea how as it’s not even Shawn’s best match of the year. The rematch would be MUCH better with a typical David vs. Goliath formula. The lack of such a formula here was weird as Diesel, the 7’0 monster, was the underdog. Shawn would turn face very soon after this.

Diesel celebrates with all the celebrities.

Shawn goes on a rant (calling the superkick Chin Music, perhaps for the first time but I’m not sure) about how the referee being hurt cost him the title.

The Million Dollar Team is introduced for the main event: Bundy, Tatanka, Nikolai Volkoff, Kama, I.R.S. and DiBiase himself. We also get the NFL All-Pro Team: Ken Norton, Chris Speilman, Rickey Jackson, Carl Banks, Steve McMichael and Reggie White.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor

R&B group Salt N Peppa sings What A Man live for Taylor’s entrance. Pat Patterson is guest referee to make sure things go as smoothly as possible. Taylor is a legit NFL superstar so this is an actual big deal as far as celebrities go. There are a TON of reporters and photographers at ringside plus the two teams so it looks like a lumberjack match. Before the bell, Taylor SMACKS Bigelow in the face and we’re ready to go. Oh and Diesel has been training with Taylor. Remember that.

A big forearm immediately puts Bigelow down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. The crowd is losing it over this stuff as Taylor looks GREAT. Back in and a bulldog (decent one too) gets two for Taylor. There’s a hip toss and Bigelow needs a breather. In two minutes, Taylor has already showed more skill and fire than McMichael showed in two and a half years in WCW. Lawrence follows him to the floor and a big brawl almost starts between the teams.

Back in and Bigelow gets in some shots to take over including a headbutt. A falling headbutt misses so Taylor fires off a big forearm to take Bigelow down. Bam Bam pounds him right back down and puts on a Boston crab which almost immediately shifts into a half crab. It breaks down even further into Bigelow just pulling on one leg. Now he just leans on it instead of cranking on it.

Taylor fights up again and hits a suplex of all things to give himself a breather. It’s a quick breather though as Bigelow pounds away even more. There’s Bigelow’s moonsault but he “hurts” his knee in the process. Lawrence kicks out at two (ZERO reaction for the crowd for some reason) and it’s time for a comeback. Bigelow ducks his head so Taylor tries something resembling a suplex that was supposed to be a Jackknife.

Bigelow misses an enziguri but Taylor falls down anyway. The top rope headbutt gets another two and the crowd reacts a bit. Taylor gets his last gasp of energy though and pounds Bigelow in the corner before hitting a pair of big forearms. A third from the middle rope is enough for the shocking upset.

Rating: B. All things considered, this was nothing short of a miracle. Keeping in mind that Taylor had zero experience coming in there, he looked amazing. They didn’t have most of the problems that most celebrity matches have as Taylor looked like he had actual talent instead of looking like he needed someone to walk him through everything. As a regular match this wasn’t much, but all things considered this was great.

Taylor can barely stand up post match and the team has to help him back. DiBiase goes on a rant to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. You often hear how terrible this show is but it really isn’t that bad. It’s terribly boring and uninteresting for the most part, but there are FAR worse shows out there. The other major problem this show has is that it’s a Wrestlemania. If this show was something like In Your House or even Summerslam it wouldn’t have nearly the bad reputation it does. It’s certainly not good or even decent but it’s FAR better than it’s given credit for.

Ratings Comparison

Allied Powers vs. Blu Brothers

Original: D

Redo: C-

Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C

Undertaker vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: F+

Redo: D

Owen Hart/Yokozuna vs. Smoking Gunns

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart

Original: F+

Redo: D+

Diesel vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: B

Redo: B

Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: D+

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: F+

Redo: D+

Man alive what was bugging me when I watched it the first time? It’s not THAT bad.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/18/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-11-just-get-it-over-with/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Uncensored 2000
Date: March 19, 2000
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Mark Madden, Tony Schiavone

 

Time for the last show in this series as we hit the ugly days of the company. There’s a double main event tonight in the form of Sid vs. Jarrett for the title and Hogan vs. Flair because Hogan needs his win back from last year I guess. The company is on its very last legs at this point and would be rebooted, as in all titles vacated and a lot of stories restarted, in about a month, making most of this show totally pointless. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video is about the Total Package (he didn’t go by Lex Luger at this point) and was breaking everyone’s arm. This set up Sting vs. Luger FOR THE LAST TIME, in a lumberjack match. Also we get some clips of Hogan vs. Flair, which is going to be an Indian Strap Match, meaning all four corners. Oh dear.

 

Hogan and Sid are in the back talking and Hogan offers to watch his back later. We cut to the Harris Brothers talking to US Champion Jarrett about an insurance policy. Ok then.

 

The pyro goes off and the people do not move. It’s pretty sad looking.

 

Cruiserweight Title: The Artist vs. Psicosis

 

Artist has Paisley (Sharmell) with him and is more famous as Prince Iaukea. He’s also champion. Artist wears a lot of purple. Psicosis has Juvy with him and sound like people actually know who he is. Artist is in a dress shirt and dress pants. He was a bit of a weird character. Before they get going here’s Chris Candido for no apparent reason. I think this is his debut and he sits in on commentary.

 

He talks about how the internet rumors on him signing are true and he’s here to be the new Cruiserweight Champion. Psicosis hits a rana off the top to start and clotheslines Artist to the floor. Candido rants about a bunch of stuff, saying he could do all this stuff they’re doing but can wrestle which they can’t do. Back in Psicosis gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Artist drills him.

 

Off to a quick rest hold as the match is completely ignored. Big superkick by Artist for two as there are barely any fans to be seen. Out to the floor and Artist keeps his advantage. Into the ring steps and then back into the ring we go. The crowd can’t seem to decide if they’re interested in this or not as all of a sudden they get loud for nothing special. Artist gets some two counts and is frustrated.

 

There’s been no mention of a feud or a reason why Psicosis is getting the shot here so everything is normal. Sunset flip gets two for the challenger as the fans are booing LOUDLY at everything now. Middle rope rana gets a nice reaction and it’s back to the booing. Weird crowd to put it mildly here. Sitout gordbuster puts Artist down but Paisley distracts Psicosis from hitting the guillotine legdrop. Juvy kisses her and they brawl as the legdrop hits for a delayed two. Paisley distracts him again, allowing Artist to hit a jumping DDT off the middle rope for the pin to retain.

 

Rating: D+. This was a total mess. The crowd was all over the place and was really distracting. This was more or less a TV match all the way and was just not that good. Not interesting either which makes for a really awkward way to start off the show which looks awful on paper.

 

Tony throws it to Gene and says “that’s how you fill some time”. I seriously don’t know if that was supposed to be heard or not.

 

Anyway Gene is with Bigelow who faces The Wall tonight. Bigelow doesn’t know what’s wrong with Wall who has been on a roll as of late. Apparently it’s mentor (Bigelow) vs. mentee. Why mess with a classic story I guess?

 

XS vs. Norman Smiley/KISS Demon

 

XS are Lenny Lane and Lodi, who is called Rave here.. The KISS Demon is a complicated character as it was supposed to be one of four KISS themed characters which ultimately wound up being one and nearly resulted in a big lawsuit. Smiley is there because he’s the comedy character of WCW, similar to Eric Young or Santino I guess. This is apparently a long running feud and I have no idea why they’re feuding. Even the video about it doesn’t help. Lodi is called Rave here.

 

And never mind as here’s Stacy Keibler (Miss Hancock) in her sexy beyond belief corporate look with the skirt that might be 6 inches below her waist. The hair is pulled back and she has the glasses on. She’s also 20 years old here so how good do you think she’s looking? She wants to manage XS like she used to and they tell her to leave. They say she’s not worthy of them and she says they need female companionship.

 

Now we go from Van Halen style music to dance music for Hancock to God of Thunder for Smiley (coming out of a casket) and Demon. Apparently they’re the Screamin Demons. Norman is dressed as a demon also and gets some insane pops. XS jumps them only for Demon to beat the tar out of Lodi. Smiley and Lenny are in the ring now and I kid you not the reaction for Norman is so loud you can barely understand the announcers. Who would have guessed that?

 

Off to Demon as Stacy says that she’s going to manage Silver King and El Dandy. I kid you not again. This is a bizarre match and gets weirder as a very loud NORMAN chant starts up while he’s on the apron. Lodi gets a suplex for two on Demon. They totally botch a double clothesline as Lenny waits for after the other two go down to fall. Hot tag to Norman and there goes the roof. Spinning slam puts Lodi down. Lane and Demon look almost identical from behind.

 

Lane hits a Skull Crushing Finale to Norman for two as Hancock is annoyed with XS so Madden says he’ll comfort her. Everything breaks down as Demon and Lodi go to the floor. What kind of a name is Lodi anyway? Not that it matters because Norman gets the Norman’s Conquest (Crossface Chickenwing) for the tag from Lane.

 

Rating: D-. Stacy being out there helps this more than anything but the camera not being on her hurts it a lot. The match itself was another bizarre one as the fans were madly behind Norman, guaranteeing that he would never get a serious push or a push at all. Demon was just annoying and XS was worthless, so I have no idea what the point of this was.

 

XS goes after Hancock post match so the Demons chase them off. Hancock dances with Norman post match to an eruption. This is good until Demon cuts in to dance with Norman.

 

Billy talks to Booker about getting messed up by Stevie Ray. Booker says get your head in the game.

 

David Flair is with Crowbar and Daffney, demanding that she stays in the back for their match.

 

We get clips of Wall massacring everyone in sight, namely David and Bigelow.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The Wall

 

Big brawl to start as the ring is really loud. Bigelow gets him down and hits the top rope headbutt for two in the first few seconds. A HHH style knee to the face puts Bigelow down for two. Spinning DDT gets two for Bigelow as nothing is sticking here with momentum shifting with every move. Wall is knocked to the floor and they fight up the aisle. Wall sets for a chokeslam through something and that’s a DQ to end it. Crowbar and David come out for a beatdown on Wall and that totally fails.

 

Rating: F+. Was there a point to this at all? It’s barely three minutes long and was one move by one guy and then the other guy would hit one, repeat for three and a half minutes. This is the third straight horrible match to start the show, meaning we’ve wasted about 35 minutes of this show so far. Somehow that’s probably an improvement from what’s coming for this company.

 

Bigelow is taken out on a stretcher as Crowbar is up on the scaffold on the set. There’s a chokeslam off the set through a wooden piece of the stage. He goes all stoic after hurting people, which is absolutely nothing like Bubba Ray Dudley making the same face after he put people through tables. Not a thing like it at all. Crowbar is stretchered out as this eats up forever.

 

The announcers are all serious, so let’s throw it to Brian Knobbs who says he’s dedicating the next match to Bam Bam and Crowbar.

 

Hardcore Title: 3 Count vs. Brian Knobbs

 

Knobbs is challenging and has to beat all three guys. Apparently it’s a gauntlet match. 3 Count does their dancing thing and then Tony says “Wait a second. How can we do this after what we just saw?” He’s talking about Crowbar and apparently it took him three minutes to realize how distraught he was. They talk about stopping the show, and the thought occurs to me that this could somehow be a commentary on Vince not stopping the show after Owen fell last year. If that’s the case, this company deserves to die more than anything I’ve ever seen.

 

Anyway, Knobbs wastes some time looking for weapons before the match starts. Knobbs is all upset by Crowbar apparently. As he’s putting the weapons in one of the champions jumps off the top with a kendo stick to drill him. By gauntlet apparently they mean handicap elimination because they’re all out there at once. Knobbs cleans house and uses the Pit Stop on all three of them. Helms gets a chair shot to take over and sends Knobbs into a ladder in the corner.

 

Splash off said ladder gets no cover because the other two have to go up for splashes also. Karagis uses a corkscrew one and Moore’s Swanton misses. With Knobbs crawling away for weapons, 3 Count turns their back on him for a dance sequence. Helms has a chair on his face and Knobbs hits the chair with a mop to eliminate him. He had a broken nose so that’s more painful than it sounds.

 

It’s Table Time and after walking around for awhile, Knobbs powerbombs Karagis over the top rope through the table which more or less explodes. Helms is still around and beats on Knobbs a bit to no avail. Tony calls a chair shot a table shot because he’s not very smart. Another table is sent in while Moore is out cold. Moore manages to get a pin when Knobbs trips over something, but it’s a DUSTY FINISH due to Knobbs’ foot being on the ropes. In a freaking ow man moment, Knobbs throws a ladder over the top rope to land on Karagis who is still down. Middle rope garbage can shot gives Knobbs the title back.

 

Rating: D+. Somehow this might be the match of the night so far and it was a Brian Knobbs showcase match. Why in the world is this happening in the year 2000? And with a freaking Dusty Finish of all things. It was fine for a weapons match I guess, but there was never any doubt of the finish. Why in the world was this on PPV in 2000 though?

 

Harlem Heat 2000 (Stevie, Big T (Ahmed Johnson who has gained about 150lbs since his WWF time), J Biggs (Clarence Mason) and Cash (big muscle guy that never talked) say they’re ready for Booker and Kidman.

 

There’s a black limo that may have the insurance policy that Jarrett was talking about earlier.

 

Vampiro apparently likes being violent and doesn’t like Fit Finlay being in his face. This is a 30 second promo that is literally all one sentence. Apparently he likes to hurt people.

 

Booker/Billy Kidman vs. Harlem Heat 2000

 

Just Booker here after, and wait for this one, Harlem Heat 2000 won the rights to the letter T in a match against him. Booker is mad at Kidman for not having his back recently. At least we get to look at Torrie who is smoking in a green dress. Biggs, the lawyer, is on commentary here. Booker vs. Stevie to start as we talk about Crowbar some more. Kidman comes in and the faces dominate early.

 

Stevie gets a powerslam and it’s off to Big T. So if they had lost the match for the letter T would he just be known as Big? Biggs, a real life attorney, is ranting about whatever comes to his mind. Booker gets a sidekick to take down T and hits an axe kick to Cash. Kidman tries to come in off the top but jumps into a right hand. Time for him to play Morton for awhile I guess.

 

Biggs says Harlem Heat are ten time tag champions, claiming that this version keeps the reigns. T heads to the floor and tries to dive over the railing like he used to and mostly gets over, despite hitting Kidman in the feet. Spinebuster gets two on Kidman back in the ring. Kidman escapes the beating and brings in Booker, who is the only member of his team that’s been able to not get destroyed. Book End to Stevie gets no cover as T jumps him. Double spinebuster puts Booker down but Kidman makes a very last second save. Kidman then gets a sunset flip on T for the pin, despite not being legal.

 

Rating: C-. Now this is by far the best match of the night and we’re an hour into this. That should tell you all you need to know about this show. Nothing special at all here as it was a kind of sloppy seven minute tag team formula match. Not horrible, but nothing you wouldn’t see in any company at any given time. Nice to see something somewhat decent though.

 

We get a clip of Wall hurting both guys earlier, complete with a graphic saying “earlier tonight”. You know, for people that buy PPVs an hour in.

 

Finlay talks about wanting respect from Vampiro.

 

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay

 

This is falls count anywhere. Back and forth stuff to start until Vampiro hits a top rope spinwheel kick for two. He busts out some more kicks and Finlay is in trouble. Apparently Bigelow and Crowbar are injured and Crowbar is far worse but it’s nothing incredibly serious. Ok, so now we can stop talking about them right? Finlay brings in an old school chair which of course winds up being kicked into his own face.

 

Both guys have broken arms due to Luger. Out to the floor and Vampiro is dropped throat first across the railing. We go into the crowd and isn’t it always lucky that they land where there are no fans. They go up the steps and into the back with Finlay in control I guess you’d call it. Time to go into the women’s bathroom and now we shift to the men’s room. I think Finlay went the wrong way or something.

 

Madden: “A good hold to use in there is the urine-age.” Into a stall and there’s a trashcan shot. Vampy climbs to the top of a stall but the can is tossed at him as he jumps off. They go to the commons area which has a weird Kane red light thing to it. They’re outside and the red light thing is still going on. Maybe a camera issue or something. Back inside now as they’re barely fighting because of all the people. Backdrop by Finlay but Vampiro rams him into a wall and the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) ends this.

 

Rating: D+. We’ve seen this match so many times before that this means nothing for the most part. The lack of action after about 4 minutes in though really hurt it. The bathroom spot has been done before and done way better than this. Not impressed here, namely because WWF at the time was making these hilarious and hard hitting at the same time. This was kind of hard hitting but nothing interesting at all.

 

The Harris Boys say they’ll win the tag titles. That’s it.

 

Disco says he and his Mamalukes (Disco is managing) will keep the belts. It’s about respect apparently.

 

Tag Titles: Mamalukes vs. Harris Brothers

 

The Harris Brothers are NWO here, in part of the final incarnation which was also the weakest probably. Vito kisses both his partner and the referee on the cheek. This is No DQ apparently. Disco Inferno is on commentary as our what, 4^th guest commentator tonight? Vito vs. we’ll call that Ron while Madden and Disco banter back and forth. Powerslam by Johnny gets two. The teams are Ron/Don Harris vs. Johnny the Bull/Vito. That might clear some stuff up.

 

This is pretty weak to start as the styles are totally clashing. Back to Vito who gets a Japanese armdrag to take over. Disco is cracking me up here. The Mamalukes hit the H Bomb (Harrises’ finisher) on we’ll say Ron for two. Out to the floor as Johnny is in trouble. Spinwheel kick gets him out of that but Vito is drilled before the tag can be made. Well sure now: let’s talk about Crowbar some more. This is so freaking annoying anymore.

 

Yes, Vince didn’t stop the show for Owen. FREAKING GET OVER IT. I know that sounds bad, but there’s a HUGE difference between a real life accident and a scripted moment being used as a commentary on a real tragedy. Hot tag to Vito and some “Mafia” kicks clean house. Everything breaks down and Vito hits a top rope elbow for two. Modified Hart Attack gets the same. Double flapjack gets two on Johnny as the twins take over. Disco comes in for a belt shot for two. A belt shot to Vito sets up the H Bomb (kind of a double belly to back suplex) for the titles for the Brothers.

 

Rating: D. This was rather weak overall with the Brothers just doing their usual stuff. The Mamalukes were ok at best although I kind of liked Vito. They couldn’t get much going here and that was mainly due to the styles being too similar. The titles would be vacated anyway so again, all of this means nothing for the most part.

 

Finlay says he beat respect into Vampiro but the better man won. Keep the fire burning Vampy.

 

Luger and Flair say they’ll win. Gene calls Flair Luger by mistake.

 

We recap Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes. The idea is that Rhodes is now a heel because his family life sucked due to the Rhodes vs. Funk feud. Yes, they actually think people care about Rhodes vs. Funk in the year 2000. This also involves Dustin being knocked out cold with a chicken. Yes, as in something you put in a pot and cook then eat.

 

Dustin says this is Funk’s retirement match. His first was in 1983 so what do you think is going to happen with him retiring?

 

Terry Funk vs. Dustin Rhodes

 

Oh and of course it’s a Texas Bullrope Match. You know, because two strap matches/rope matches in the same show is FINE. Funk has the chicken again and says Rhodes’ baby brother is here. And here’s a guy in a chicken suit. I kid you not, this is really happening. Dustin chases him and is hit in the face with the actual chicken. Into the ring and Dustin is whipped by the rope which isn’t attached.

 

This is just a bad match here with random cowbell shots added in. Low blow to Funk as this needs to end now. Naturally, this is the second longest match of the night. Dustin hits him with the bell and the rope a lot and that’s about it. We actually argue over experience here with the main point being does Dustin have half the experience that Funk has. We actually tie them together now to actually follow the match rules.

 

DDT gets two for Dustin. Bulldog onto the cowbell gets the same and the chicken man is back. There are chicken sound effects to go with it. Madden keeps ranting about how the chicken needs to die. Funk gets a low blow in with the bell and grabs a mic. It’s now an I Quit match. The referee protests so he gets cussed at and there’s a cowbell to the head for him. Dustin says I QUIT but the referee says that’s not a submission so we keep going. I hate this company.

 

After being hit in the head literally about 8 times with a metal bell, Dustin gets up and hits Funk once with it to put him down. There are a bunch more shots to the head as this is just awful. Funk keeps getting up because he’s from Texas or something. Piledriver onto the bell and we’re finally done.

 

Rating: F. This was literally 90% cowbell. Also, NO ONE CARES ABOUT FUNK VS. RHODES IN THE YEAR 2000! That feud meant something 25 years prior to this, so WCW of course thinks everyone cares about it. This company is so stupid it’s unreal at times. The match sucked also because apparently saying I QUIT isn’t giving up.

 

Sid says he’ll win.

 

We recap Sting vs. Luger’s complete history. By that they mean this story but whatever. Luger has been breaking everyone’s arms and he started with Sting. Sting started his usual mind games and then came back when Luger kept hurting people.

 

Sting vs. The Total Package

 

This is a lumberjack match. Sting’s lumberjacks are the people whose arms Luger broke. Luger’s are just guys wearing fake casts. And yes he’s really called The Total Package here. Luger says he’s sorry to all the lumberjacks for breaking their arms. His lumberjacks are Harlem Heat 2000, Hugh Morrus and the Harris Brothers. Package goes for the arm to start which doesn’t work that well.

 

All Sting here for the most part as Luger is in trouble. The fans want Goldberg but it’s a shame that’s just not going to happen. Luger goes to the floor and everything goes nuts as you would expect. Now Sting gets beaten down outside also. Tank Abbot comes out for no apparent reason and knocks Doug Dillenger (security guy who Luger hurt) out cold with one punch before leaving.

 

All of the lumberjacks fight towards the entrance and we have a regular match. Luger has a chinlock on as this is making my head hurt. Oh wait Vampiro is here still. Flair comes out and fights with Vampy as Sting takes over. Now Flair comes in and that goes badly for him. Stinger Splash to Luger but Liz hits Sting with the bat. Jimmy Hart, another lumberjack, takes Liz to the back. Vampiro hits Luger with the bat to break up the Rack and the Death Drop ends this.

 

Rating: D-. And most of that is because Liz looked great around this time. The ton of run-ins and the gimmick more or less going away halfway through hurt this badly, along with Luger being completely uninteresting by this point. The match itself was really boring too, making the whole thing awful.

 

Sting and Vampiro hug post match. That wouldn’t last long.

 

Abbot says nothing of note about Dillenger.

 

We recap Sid vs. Jarrett which is happening because they needed a world title match I guess. The NWO wanted the world title which Sid had so Sid rambled a lot and Jarrett said he’s win.

 

The match order is changed so the world title match is now.

 

WCW World Title: Sid vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

The door of the black limo is opened but we cut away before we see who’s in it. Jeff is US Champion. Sid dominates to start but a chokeslam is broken up by a thumb to the eye. Out to the floor and Jeff is put on the table. They go out into the crowd and it’s almost all Sid. Up to the stage area and here are the Harris Brothers to beat Sid down. Jeff throws a sleeper on back in the ring.

 

Sid blocks a middle rope double axe handle and the Harris guys get up on the apron, one with the belt. Jeff is slammed into it by mistake but it only gets two. Chokeslam is blocked and there goes the referee. Guitar shot to Sid but there’s no referee. He waves down a crooked referee but Hogan comes out for the save. Big boot and legdrop to Jeff as Hogan beats everyone up. In the chaos Sid covers him and gets the pin.

 

Rating: D. Just a big mess here and the whole thing was just 8 minutes long. That’s hardly a full length PPV main event in my eyes and when the majority of that was spent in a brawl on the outside, that’s not really a good sign. Hogan only comes in at the end to set up the main event and the whole thing just felt thrown together.

 

Anyway the limo guy/insurance policy is the returning Scott Steiner who would soon begin a big heel push. He hits Hogan and since Hogan is down, here’s Flair to start the main event sans entrances.

 

Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

 

Strap match here, meaning touch all four buckles. The brawl goes to the floor almost immediately as Hogan is wearing a weightlifting belt and trunks which is a rather weird look. Flair begs off and gets beaten up. Good to see that the Steiner interference made such a big deal. Into the ring again and Flair gets whipped.

 

Flair begs off some more but gets a thumb to the eye. Thankfully he doesn’t have the short and spiked hair here as the blonde locks are flowing pretty solidly. They slug it out and guess who wins that one. The strap is really long here. Flair is being dominated here. He hits the floor and begs off again as no one has tried for a corner yet. Naturally the guy with hair is bleeding.

 

Hogan slams him off the top as always and hits a clothesline on the floor. Jimmy Hart is here too and gets in some shots with the strap. Flair gets some shots in and Hogan is like dude just no. They go up to the stage and Luger pops up with a chair shot to put him down. We’re probably almost ten minute into this and not a single corner has been touched.

 

Low blow on the floor puts Hogan down again and Flair unhooks himself from the strap. Flair hammers away because that’s worked so well for him in the past right? Hart comes in again and he gets drilled. That guy deserves a medal for the abuse he’s taken over the years. Flair finally goes for some corners, getting three this time. Flair pulls out brass knuckles and hits him for a two count. In a strap match. Well of course he does. Hogan Hulks Up, beats Flair up, touches three corners, beats up Luger when he runs in, drops the leg on Flair and pins him, then touches the fourth buckle after the bell rings. You figure it out. I’m done.

 

Rating: D+. This was a Hogan vs. Flair match, but not a particularly good one. The biggest problem here is simple: this is the year 2000. In like 1994 or so this would have been ok, but it’s not 1994. Hogan and Flair with Hogan doing his old school thing and Flair being a basic jobber and not even for the title isn’t something that’s going to work here. Yes, some fans cheer Hogan, but he shouldn’t be on top in the year 2000. To be fair though the company was deader than dead by this point, so who cares? This would be a month before the reboot anyway, so again it doesn’t really matter.

 

Overall Rating: F. When one match is what I’d consider not bad and that’s about as high as we get in the grades, what do you expect me to say here? The show is meaningless and it’s not like the matches are even good. This was just boring with all kinds of stuff that didn’t excite anyone. The crowd was tiny too and the whole thing was just bad. Total mess here and WCW would continue to sink into the abyss until finally dying soon after this. Ok so it was a year later but they were more or less dead by the summer.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania X
Date: March 20, 1994
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 18,065
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Anyone that has read my stuff over the years knows that I believe Wrestlemania X7 to be the undisputed best show ever. This is one of the small handful of shows that I actually think about for awhile before saying X7 is better. On this show are two of the best matches of all time and two world title matches, all without Hogan. This show feels like a major show and it more than lives up to the hype. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from the first Wrestlemania. That still holds up to this day.

Little Richard and a choir sing America the Beautiful. The first version is just Richard but the choir kicks in on the second one, making for an awesome performance.

We recap Bret vs. Owen. Expect to hear the words “we recap” a lot tonight, because there is A LOT of backstory to this show. Back in mid to late 1993, Owen was getting annoyed at Bret getting all of the spotlight, but he went along with Bret and two more brothers on a Survivor Series team against Shawn Michaels and the Knights. The Knights were easily dispatched, but late in the match Owen was knocked into Bret, sending the elder brother (Bret) into the barricade. As his family went to check on him, Owen was rolled up and pinned, making him the only Hart to be eliminated.

This sent Owen into a tirade about how Bret was always hogging the spotlight. Owen challenged Bret to a match but Bret said no way. Instead, Bret offered to team up with Owen to win the tag titles, which was enough to appease Owen. At the Royal Rumble during the title shot, Bret injured his knee and refused to tag late in the match, causing the referee to stop the match due to the injury. Owen finally snapped and kicked Bret’s bad leg out from under him, fully turning heel in an awesome and totally justified moment.

Later in the night, Bret was in the Royal Rumble. He and Lex Luger were the last two men in the match and they both went out at the same time. No one could tell who hit the ground first, so they were declared co-winners. Therefore, both guys get title matches tonight. A coin toss was determined who would get the first shot at champion Yokozuna, which was won by Lex. Therefore, Lex gets a title shot first tonight, but Bret has to face suitable competition so he doesn’t get an unfair advantage in the later match. His opponent is his brother Owen (Luger would have faced Crush is Bret had won the toss). Got all that?

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

For reasons I’m not clear on, the Fink isn’t the announcer tonight. They lock up to start and Owen shoves Bret away, earning himself some celebrating. Bret takes him down to the mat but Owen escapes and celebrates again. Back to the mat for some amateur stuff but Owen grabs the rope. Owen tries to take it to the mat but Bret easily counters to send him out to the floor. Back in and Owen slaps him in the face to fire up his older brother.

More amateur stuff ensues and Owen gets to do his spinning counter to a wristlock, only to pull Bret down by the hair. Bret channels his inner Shawn and nips up before getting two off a rollup. Bret takes over with an armbar and a clothesline to send Owen out to the floor. Back in again and Bret slaps the blonde Hart before rolling him up for two. Bret hooks the armbar again before getting two off a crucifix. We’re about five minutes into this now and there is absolutely nothing to complain about. They get up again and Owen hits a sweet spinwheel kick to take over before stomping Bret to the floor.

Owen rams Bret back first into the post as the anger is starting to seep out. A backbreaker sets up a camel clutch back inside as Lawler is loving this. Owen yells at his brother in a great touch to the evilness. Bret breaks it pretty quickly but walks into a belly to belly suplex for two. A cross body by Owen is rolled through by Bret for two but Owen goes straight to the back again. Owen hits a German suplex for two and drops a leg on the back of Bret’s head for two more.

Bret tries to spin out of a suplex but gets caught in a tombstone. Owen goes up top but misses a swan dive, giving Bret the breather that he’s been needing. Bret starts firing back and gets two each off a clothesline and a Russian legsweep. There’s the backbreaker followed by the middle rope elbow for two more. It’s Sharpshooter time but Owen pops up and hits the enziguri to put Bret down.

Another Sharpshooter attempt is countered by Owen and a rollup gets two on Bret. This is very fast paced stuff. Owen heads to the floor and we get LUCHA BRET as he takes out his brother. He hurts his knee in the process though and Owen is very happy. Back inside and Owen goes for the leg, wrapping it around the post a few times because that’s what villains do. Off to an inverted Indian Deathlock by Owen but he lets it go before too long.

There’s a yet to be named dragon screw leg whip followed by a Figure Four (wrong leg of course) as Bret is in big trouble. Bret reverses and rolls into the ropes to break the hold but his knee is gone. An enziguri finally puts Owen down and buys big brother a breather. A headbutt puts Owen down again and there’s the chest first into the buckle bump for Owen. A bulldog gets two on Owen as does a sweet piledriver.

There’s a superplex for a delayed two as Jerry Lawler is freaking out. A sleeper is quickly broken up by a hidden low blow from Owen and it’s time for the Sharpshooter on Bret. The older Hart slaps the mat but it doesn’t mean anything yet. Bret reverses into a Sharpshooter of his own but Owen is right in front of the ropes. Owen charges into a boot in the corner so Bret loads up a rollup, but Owen counters into a cradle for the 100% clean pin.

Rating: A+. If there’s a better opening match anywhere, I’d love to see it. This was Owen’s coming out party and he looked excellent in doing it. Bret has no shame in losing here as he didn’t so much get beat as much as he got caught. This set up a great feud over the summer for the title between these two, but it never reached this level again. There was some DEEP psychology going on out there with Bret being hesitant to fight his brother and Owen using the advantage to catch Bret in a wrestling move, all on top of the leg injury. Excellent match and one of the best ever.

Owen says he told us all he could do it and he’s absolutely right.

We look at the Wrestlemania II battle royal.

Sy Sperling of the Hair Club for Men debuts a hairpiece for Fink. I’m thinking no on this one Howard.

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Bigelow runs over Doink to start with a clothesline and a dropkick to silence the crowd. A headbutt misses though and the Clown pounds away a bit. Bigelow misses an elbow drop and it’s off to Dink, meaning Luna has to come in as well. This is your usual “comedy” but Luna does hit a running hip attack in 619 position but Dink starts running around in circles. The small clown goes up top but misses a dive.

Vachon goes up but misses a BIG splash, allowing the big boys to come back in. Doink pounds away but is clotheslined to the floor with one shot. Dink annoys both heels but Doink comes back in, only to be sat on in a sunset flip attempt. A charges misses the big clown though and a jumping DDT puts Bigelow down. The Whoopee Cushion (top rope seated senton) completely misses and Dink is knocked to the floor. Doink tries a suplex but Bigelow falls on him for two. The top rope headbutt is enough to finish off the clowns.

Rating: D. This was bad but not completely terrible. Doink wasn’t doing his stupid comedy and thankfully Bigelow didn’t have to look all that stupid, which is the worst thing they could have done. The match wasn’t much but to be fair they needed something to give the crowd a breather after the awesome opener. This wasn’t horrible.

Bigelow tries to crush Dink but Doink makes the save.

A Bill Clinton impersonator is here. Somehow I.R.S. gets a spot in the presidential box.

Wrestlemania III was awesome!

Randy Savage vs. Crush

This is the result of a big heel turn by Crush where he cost Savage his broadcasting job. The idea was Yokozuna injured Crush but Savage didn’t come visit him, so Crush turned on him. This is a twist on the falls count anywhere match, but the deal is you have to pin someone out of the ring and the pinned guy has 60 seconds to make it back to the ring, making it more like a last man standing match actually. It’s also no holds barred.

Savage charges at Crush in the aisle but gets dropped on the barricade for a pin in about 40 seconds. Of course Savage makes it back in (despite some Fuji interference) but that’s a nice quick introduction to the concept. Savage is put in the Tree of Woe where Crush stomps away. Fuji hands Crush some salt but Randy knocks it into the evil one’s face. A top rope double ax has Crush in trouble and there’s the big elbow, but Savage has to send Crush to the floor before pinning him. Smart indeed. Crush beats the count after Fuji pours some water on his face.

Crush comes back with a kind of hot shot to send Savage to the floor, but Randy immediately comes back by sending Crush into the post. They fight into the crowd where Crush superkicks Savage’s head off. A piledriver doesn’t work on Savage so they fight into the back. Savage rams Crush into various metal objects and gets a pin, but instead of leaving he ties Crush’s feet up with a rope and hangs him upside down. It doesn’t quite work as Crush falls just after Savage leaves, but the clock was running the whole time and Savage wins.

Rating: C. Keeping in mind that this was 1994, this was pretty good. Sixty seconds was too long of an interval as it was too long before the guy was in danger. If they cut it doewn to about thirty, this would have been much better. Either way, not bad here and more proof that Savage was still a very valuable asset to Vince, but for whatever reason (not Stephanie), he was let go.

Fake Clinton says he’s a fan. I.R.S. congratulates him on raising taxes.

We see videos from Fan Fest, which was the forerunner to Axxess.

Savage celebrates with the fans. He also won a tournament for the world title at Wrestlemania IV.

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Alundra Blayze

Kai was at the first Wrestlemania if that tells you anything. Blayze is the new champion after the belt was resurrected for no apparent reason. Kai, a Hawaiian/something else hybrid, runs Blayze over but gets caught in a sunset flip a few seconds later for two. Lelani comes back with a chokebomb for no cover but a bad splash gets two.

The champ comes back with a hurricanrana before there was a name for such a thing in America. Either way it gets two and we head to the floor. That goes nowhere so Kai hits a butterfly suplex for two. Blayze comes back with some basic strikes and some hair drags for two each. Alundra hits her bridging German suplex to retain a few seconds later.

Rating: D. Was there a point to this? I didn’t think so either so let’s see what was stupid about it. First of all, the “division” had two regulars in it: Blayze and a Japanese monster named Bull Nakano. Based on that, it’s pretty clear why the division was done in just a few months, not to be mentioned again for about four years.

Roddy Piper sprayed a non-celebrity with a fire extinguisher at Mania V.

Tag Titles: Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

The Quebecers are defending and have Johnny Polo with them. About a year later, Polo would become Raven. The Men on a Mission are Mabel (Viscera) and perhaps the most worthless wrestler that I can think of at the moment, Mo. They were purple and gold and rap with their manager Oscar. That’s about it. Before the match, here’s some big chested blonde talk show host for Shawn to hit on. Burt Reynolds, pretty clearly bombed, shows up to steal her. From what I’ve heard, Reynolds was the biggest jerk on the planet backstage at this show.

The Quebecers are the Mountie and another Canadian who dress like Mounties. True story: the Royal Canadian Mounted Police yelled at the WWF and said they had to have their song (it might have been just the Mountie actually. Not that it matters) changed to say “We’re NOT the Mounties” because the RCMP was worried about people believing they were real corrupt Mounties. Wait why am I spending this much space on this match?

Anyway the champions jump the Men before the bell but 500lb+ Mabel runs them oveand brings in Mo. Since Mo is the most worthless wrestler I can think of at this moment, he’s easily beaten down and not many people care. Mo is sent to the floor and Pierre backdrops Jacques over the top and onto the worthless one. Back in and a double hot shot gets two on Mo. This is going nowhere.

Mo comes back with a forward roll attack but the tag isn’t seen. Wait yes it is and Mabel cleans house. The champions try a double suplex on the fat man but hurt their backs in the process. They try it again and actually get it to work as Polo celebrates. Pierre hits the Cannonball (assisted Swanton Bomb) for two and Mabel starts firing back. The Men hit their double splash but there’s no referee. END THIS NONSENSE ALREADY! Mabel splashes Pierre on the floor….and it’s a countout.

Rating: F+. There was no structure, there was no flow, Mo is worthless, Mabel is fat and worthless, the ending sucked, and there was entirely too little Johnny Polo. Was there ANYTHING good about this match? Oh wait the suplex was good. To give you an idea of how bad Men on a Mission were, they accidentally won the titles at a house show around this time as Mabel was too fat to get up on a cover and Jacques couldn’t kick out.

Wrestlemania VI had the Ultimate Challenge.

We do the “celebrities” for the first title match. Basically it’s the aforementioned talk show host and a member of New Kids on the Block. Seriously, that’s it. There’s a guest referee though: Mr. Perfect. Now remember last year when Luger knocked out Mr. Perfect? Well there was never any retribution for that…..but I’m sure it won’t mean anything here right?

WWF World Title: Lex Luger vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending of course and there’s also backstory to this. The idea here is that last 4^th of July, Yokozuna held a bodyslam challenge on board the U.S.S. Intrepid. No one could slam him and the contest was closed, but a helicopter landed on the ship and out stepped Lex Luger. He hit a running forearm and slammed Yokozuna to get the biggest face turn in years. He then went around the country on a bus, begging for a title shot because he was MADE IN THE USA.

Anyway, he got the shot at Summerslam with the catch that it was his ONLY shot. Luger did indeed beat Yoko….by countout. Therefore he was frozen out of the title picture, unless he could win the Royal Rumble. We’ve already covered that though so here’s the first title match. Luger gets a bit intro with fireworks, but do you really think New York City is going to cheer him? Especially with BRET HART in the wings? You should know better than that.

Luger pounds away like any AMERICAN hero worth his (certainly not Japanese) salt. A big right hand sends Yoko out to the floor and there’s an ax handle to the back of the head. Luger busts out a freaking TOP ROPE CROSS BODY for two and a jumping elbow for the same. Since it’s early in the match, a slam completely fails and Yoko falls on top for two. Yoko rips a buckle pad off but we hit the nerve hold for a bit instead. Luger fights out of it but Yoko rams into him to stop any comeback.

Back to el nerve hold which has been running for about five minutes total now. Luger fights up but Fuji pulls the rope down to send him to the outside. Back in and BACK TO THE NERVE HOLD. After about 87 years Luger fights up and makes his comeback….only to be knocked down by a chop. Yoko tries to send Luger into Chekov’s buckle but gets sent into it himself of course.

Luger makes his REAL comeback and hits a clothesline to put Yoko down and there’s the “slam” (more like he picked up Yoko and dropped him). The forearm knocks Yoko out but Luger has to beat up Fuji and Cornette. Perfect won’t count so Luger shoves him…AND THAT’S A DQ! Holy screwjob! That’s clearly what the fans are chanting: screwjob, not some other word that starts with s and often comes after holy.

Rating: D+. It’s rare to see Luger as the star of a match but that’s certainly the case here. That nerve hold was RIDICULOUS as it was about 80% of the champion’s “offense”, although a case can be made that he was saving strength for later tonight which is understandable. This was a callback to something that most people didn’t remember, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t fair game. Unfortunately Perfect would injure his back again after this and not be able to payoff this feud. Either way, Luger is officially a choker in the WWF and was done as a world title contender after this.

Luger and Perfect yell at each in the back.

At Wrestlemania VII, Savage and Liz reunited. The moment given here is the Blindfold match but screw that.

Here’s Harvey Wippleman to yell at Fink for having a stupid hairpiece. They get in a shoving match but Adam Bomb comes out to scare Fink. This brings out….EARTHQUAKE?

Adam Bomb vs. Earthquake

This is barely a match as Quake hits his powerslam and the Earthquake gets the pin in less than 40 seconds. This is what you call “being way over time and needing to hurry up.” I’m shocked Earthquake had a job at this point.

Cornette goes on a rant against Lex Luger and cats while also calling Todd Pettingill “Petting Zoo” before yelling about Bret Hart. Then he talks about fish and Bret starting a feeding frenzy of sharks. I could listen to Cornette ramble while still staying on point for HOURS.

The Wrestlemania VIII moment is the Undertaker. Seriously, that’s it. No mention of his match, whether he won or lost, his opponent, or anything shown other than a closeup of him walking to the ring. Just the Undertaker.

Ready for some more backstory? Back in 1993, Shawn Michaels was Intercontinental Champion but failed a drug test. To this day Shawn says he didn’t do it but that’s beside the point. We needed a new champion so Ramon won a battle royal and then a match to win the title. Shawn came back with the original belt and said he never lost, so he was still the champion. The solution? Put both belts on a ladder and let them climb up to pull them down in a classic match that might be the match of the decade.

Intercontinental Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon

Shawn has Diesel with him here. Diesel is told to leave but just doesn’t because that’s the kind of guy he is. Basic stuff to start with Shawn blocking a hip toss but getting chokeslammed instead. They hit the ropes to build some speed and Shawn hits a neckbreaker. Razor gets sent to the floor and there’s a clothesline from Diesel, earning him another ejection which actually works this time.

Anyway Shawn gets punched in the jaw and Razor takes over again. Shawn is knocked into the corner before a BIG clothesline puts him on the floor. Razor exposes the concrete but we head back inside before he can use it. The Razor’s Edge is loaded up but Shawn backdrops Ramon over the top and onto the concrete, possibly injuring an elbow. Shawn gets the ladder but Razor jacks his jaw to stop it. The ladder is slid inside but Shawn hits a baseball slide to knock it into Ramon’s ribs.

Back inside again and the ladder is rammed into Razor’s ribs both in the corner and on the mat. Shawn throws the ladder onto Razor’s back which looks SICK. He tosses it at Razor against the ropes and goes for a climb, only to have Razor pull Shawn’s tights down and give us a rather unpleasant (or pleasant depending on your preferences) view. Not that it matters as Shawn knocks him down and climbs again, this time hitting a pretty famous splash to crush Razor again.

Razor saves another climb by shoving the ladder over, sending Shawn onto the top rope. We get a camera shot from above the ring, showing both guys laid out on the mat. Cool shot. Back up and Michaels is whipped into the ladder in the corner, knocking him out to the floor. Razor rams the ladder into Shawn’s chest with his back against the post. If that’s not enough, Razor launches Shawn into the ladder against the apron to keep Michaels in agony.

Back in and Ramon BLASTS Shawn with the ladder to knock him to the outside again. Razor climbs up but Shawn dives off the top rope to knock him down. The ladder falls onto Shawn in the process to keep both guys on the mat. They both start to climb but the ladder is bent. Shawn is higher up but can’t hang in a slugout with Razor. Michaels gets punched down but the ladder gives way under Razor, sending him down.

Ramon climbs again but Shawn dropkicks the ladder which doesn’t topple over this time. In a smart move, Shawn pushes the ladder over onto Razor’s back to take control again. A big piledriver puts Razor down so Shawn goes to the corner. In another famous visual, Shawn rides the ladder down onto Razor, crushing him yet again. Since he’s a jerk though, Shawn puts the ladder over top of Razor, but Ramon gets up and knocks Shawn off the ladder. Michaels gets tangled in the ropes, allowing Razor to climb up to unify the titles.

Rating: A+. This is one of the matches that reignited the midcard scene after things had died down for a bit. It also paved the way for the insane style that would start to dominate about five years later. That being said, it’s still a freaking AWESOME match with some iconic spots such as the splash. It also started Shawn on the roll of a lifetime, as the next year he would be in the world title match at Wrestlemania then win the title the following year. This match is required viewing for fans.

I.R.S. and company argue in the back, so let’s just cancel a ten man tag. In other words, we’re running long and don’t have time. It happened on Raw the next night and no one remembers it.

Ted DiBiase tries to bribe Mr. President.

Wrestlemania IX’s moment is Fuji throwing salt in Bret’s eyes. We don’t see the pin for some reason though.

Videos on Bret and Yoko set up the main event.

Burt Reynolds is guest ring announcer and my goodness he makes Scott Hall look like a poster boy for AA. Oh and Jennie Garth from Beverly Hills 90210 is timekeeper. The guest referee: Roddy Piper (pause for the huge ovation) who may or may not hate Bret because of what happened at Mania 8. Nice touch.

WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Yoko is defending if you can’t tell. Burt is barely able to read lines off a card. Hart is STILL selling the leg from earlier, because that’s how awesome he is. Yoko jumps Bret to start and the fans are already fired up for this. Bret tries to fire back with some punches but Yoko stomps him down. Piper and Cornette get in an argument as Yoko blasts Hart. The splash misses though and Bret pounds away, only to hurt his head on a headbutt.

Hart actually manages to punch Yoko down and gets two off an ax handle to the back. The champion comes back with fat man offense and drops the big leg for two. A headbutt puts Bret on the floor but he gets back in at eight. Yoko misses a charge in the corner and there’s a bulldog out of the corner to put the big man down. That only gets two though, as does the middle rope elbow. Bret keeps limping and hits the Hart Attack clothesline for a delayed two.

The belly to belly puts Bret down but Yoko won’t cover for no apparent reason. Instead he loads up the Banzai Drop, only to fall victim to the powers of gravity. It knocks the wind out of the monster, allowing Hart to hook the leg for the pin and the title as the roof is blown off of Madison Square Garden for about the fifth time tonight.

Rating: B-. While it isn’t a classic, the fans were WAY into this and it’s a feel good moment to end the show. Bret was fighting a very different kind of match here rather than he did the previous year, as here he was taking it straight to Yoko instead of sticking and moving. Very solid match here all things considered and a great way to get the giant out of the title scene.

The locker room empties out to celebrate with Bret but Owen stands in the aisle and stares down his brother to end the show.

Overall Rating: A-. This is one of those shows where the bad stuff is bad, but on the other hand the good stuff is absolutely outstanding. With two of the best matches of all time on one show it’s easily one of if not the strongest Wrestlemanias from an in ring perspective. On top of that, the show had long lasting impact as the company focus shifted to the smaller sized guys and longer matches. This was an excellent show but some of the bad stuff can be fast forwarded.

Ratings Comparison

Owen Hart vs. Bret Hart

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Bam Bam Bigelow/Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown/Dink

Original: F

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. Crush

Original: C+

Redo: C

Alundra Blayze vs. Lelani Kai

Original: D-

Redo: D

Men on a Mission vs. Quebecers

Original: F

Redo: F+

Yokozuna vs. Lex Luger

Original: F

Redo: D+

Earthquake vs. Adam Bomb

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: A+

Redo: A+

Bret Hart vs. Yokozuna

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: A

Redo: A-

I was a bit too nice to the middle part of the show last time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/17/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-10-maybe-the-best-mania-ever/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 18, 2013
Location: CONSOL Energy Center, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re another week closer to Wrestlemania and the main story tonight is that HHH is going to answer Brock Lesnar’s challenge for Wrestlemania and we’ll likely hear the stipulations that Lesnar has picked for the match. We’ll also likely get some changes to the six man tag that was set up on Smackdown due to Mark Henry attacking Ryback on Friday. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual recap of last week’s events.

Here’s Cena in a bright yellow shirt that makes him look like a bowl of corn. The fans are mixed on booing and cheering of course so Cena says that they have 20 days to pick a side. He has a message for Rock tonight though: his time is up and Cena’s time is now. Since the beginning of this year Cena has been on a roll and he isn’t going to let himself be overconfident going into Wrestlemania. Cena is interrupted by…..the Primetime Players.

Titus however is in coveralls and a big afro wig, calling himself Rufus “Pancake” Patterson and claiming to be Titus’ uncle. Cena says that Pittsburgh has some great doctors that can fix Titus’ multiple personalities. The Players do the Millions of Dollars dance with “Rufus” hurting his back because his gout is flaring up. Cena says he might see them at Wrestlemania but Titus says the fans don’t want to see him at Wrestlemania. Apparently Rufus is Darren’s uncle, not Titus’. He says that Darren should be on the Cocoa Pebbles box and is going to beat Cena up to prove it. Cena says ok and the match is on.

Darren Young vs. John Cena

Cena bulldogs Young down and tries the STF but Darren bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena hitting his shoulder blocks and the ProtoBomb to set up the Shuffle and the AA for the pin at 4:16, about 3:30 of which was spent in a commercial.

Undertaker is here tonight.

We recap Mark Henry allowing Ryback to be attacked by Shield and then laying him out with World’s Strongest Slams.

Ryback vs. David Otunga

Otunga is powered into the corner to start and there’s a spinning powerslam for good measure. A spinebuster puts Otunga down and there’s the Meat Hook. Otunga is Shell Shocked for the pin at 1:37.

Post match Ryback says Orton, Sheamus and himself will be taking out the Shield at Wrestlemania. Here’s Mark Henry though, only to have Teddy Long and Vickie Guerrero to stop him. Vickie takes Ryback out of the six man and puts him in a match against Henry at Wrestlemania instead. Ryback responds by picking Otunga up for the Shell Shock and saying this is Henry. Apparently the match is accepted.

Fandango debuts tonight. I’m sure.

Fandango vs. Great Khali

Fandango has a big arch of banners to walk through now and actually makes it to the ring. He also has an outline of his silhouette make of what looks like birthday candles. Ok he had a cool entrance. This is a result of Khali not being able to pronounce Fandango’s name on Smackdown. Before the match, Fandango calls Khali Stretch and says Khali is to stupid to pronounce Fandango correctly. Instead Natalya will get to try, after Fandango hits on her a bit. Natalya seems impressed by the dancer but pronounces the name as “Fan-DANG-Go-get-him-Khali”. Fandango runs away and there’ still no match.

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow

Truth is returning from an injury here. Sandow quotes Thoreau who once said he wanted truth. Apparently the R here stands for repugnant. Truth says “Your beard is weird, and you talk a lot. I got four sweet words for you: you gonna get got.” Apparently Sandow is a Kentucky Colonel (a title given to people who do good work for Kentucky). Ok then. Truth gets two off a sunset flip but Sandow stomps Truth down and tells us we’re welcome.

Off to a chinlock by Damien as Cole and Lawler get into a bizarre political tangent after saying Sandow’s family advises President Obama. Sandow hits the Wind-Up Elbow as Cole says Latin has been en vogue this week because of a new Pope. Truth comes back with a flying headscissors and a kick to the chin for two. Lawler actually makes a Manti Te’o joke because WWE’s writers are that far behind the times. Truth hits his ax kick and Sandow walks out for the countout at 3:41.

Rating: D. The match itself was nothing of note but I’m hardly a fan of R-Truth. The interesting part of this match though was the commentary, which was BIZARRE. We had jokes that were topical six weeks ago, references to Latin being en vogue, and discussion of honorary titles in Kentucky. It didn’t help the match though.

We recap Punk stealing Undertaker’s urn last week during the tribute to Paul Bearer.

Here’s Undertaker to say that Punk has one chance to save his soul and that’s if he gives the urn back right now. Punk pops up on screen and pretends to be the urn talking in Bearer’s voice. Punk says Bearer’s loss was a professional and personal one as well. Apparently Bearer’s spirit is in the urn. Punk implies he’ll get Undertaker disqualified or counted out to break the Streak.

Punk is juggling the urn as he talks about Undertaker answering to a higher power, but Punk doesn’t do so because he IS the higher power. He talks about being able to break the Streak because he can handle the pressure. Punk looks at the urn and says he’s the one that ends the Streak. He’s the one in 21 and he drops the urn. No disrespect intended by Punk of course. This felt like it ended abruptly.

HELL NO vs. Primo/Epico

Non-title as always. Kane pounds on Epico to start and he’s ticked off here. Off to Bryan with Epico on the floor but Primo jumps Daniel to take over. A SWEET spinning sunset flip off the top takes Bryan down but he rolls through and kicks Primo in the face for two. Off to Epico who is caught in an armbar almost immediately. Primo distracts Bryan to let Epico take over again. The cousins take turns on Bryan in the corner with Epico getting two off a slingshot hilo.

Off to a bow and arrow hold by Epico before Primo takes over with a shot to Bryan’s back and a chinlock. Bryan sends Primo down to the match by rolling through and it’s off to Kane to clean house. A side slam puts Primo down and there’s the top rope clothesline to put Primo down. Kane loads up the chokeslam but here’s AJ to skip around the ring. Primo tries a rollup but can only get two. Bryan dropkicks Primo and the chokeslam ends Epico at 6:08.

Rating: D+. This just kept going and going and felt like it would never end. I get where they’re going with AJ being out there but it would help if she actually, you know, did something here instead of just delaying this match even further. Nothing to see here for the most part and the match didn’t do anything for anyone.

Jericho is in the back talking about how he’s going to win the title tonight when Fandango comes up to say his name over and over again. Jericho pronounces it as Fandumbo and Fanjango and a few other things like Fan-Wango-Tango and Fan-B-I-N-G-O-and Bingo was his name-o-O. Fandango says Jericho will learn to pronounce the name properly. Jericho says he wants his movie tickets before Fandango leaves.

We hear about Alicia Fox and Natalya going to Rwanda on a charity/goodwill trip regarding malaria nets.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Cody Rhodes

Del Rio has a remixed entrance theme now. We get a clip of Del Rio’s left knee being hit by Swagger on Main Event. That would of course explain why his right knee is bandaged. A quick rollup gets two for Del Rio but Cody takes him down into a headscissors on the mat. Back up and Del Rio misses a charge into the post, messing up his shoulder. By WWE logic, I guess that means he’ll be holding his nose now. Del Rio comes back with a snapmare and a kick to Cody’s leg to send him to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Cody stomping away in the corner but getting slammed down a few seconds later. Del Rio tries his middle rope moonsault but tweaks the knee on the way down. Cody works on the left leg now to make it a matched set before going for a superplex, only to have the champion counter into a front suplex off the top for two. Del Rio fires off some clotheslines and the low superkick for two. Cody pops up and hits a moonsault press for two as a USA chant breaks out. Del Rio fires off some shots the back and gets two off a backstabber. The cross armbreaker ends this at 12:39.

Rating: C. The match was a nice little affair with Cody getting to show off the insane potential he had about a year and a half ago before being sent down into tag team limbo for the last eighteen months. The match was nothing great but it was good enough to do what it was supposed to: make Del Rio look good.

Post match here’s Jack Swagger to beat on Del Rio but Alberto sends him into the barricade. Alberto goes after Colter but Swagger comes back and sends Del Rio into the steps and over the announce table. Swagger beats up Ricardo and puts him in the Patriot Lock for good measure. Ricardo screams a lot so maybe his ankle was broken.

Booker T is announced for the Hall of Fame.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. 3MB

Apparently Ricardo does have a broken ankle. It’s McIntyre and Slater here with Drew pounding away on Sheamus to start before it’s quickly off to Orton for some right hands. There are the ten forearms to the chest by Sheamus for two but a Mahal distraction lets Drew clothesline Sheamus down to take over. Sheamus comes back a few seconds later with an ax handle before it’s back to Orton. There are the powerslam and the Elevated DDT to Slater. A Brogue Kick puts McIntyre down and it’s the RKO to Slater for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here which did what it was supposed to do: give Sheamus and Orton a reason to be out there for the post match invasion by Shield. Seriously, that’s it. That’s why this match is happening. There’s nothing else to say about it but I’m going to keep typing to fill in more space in this area as Shield is surrounding the ring.

Shield comes out but so does Big Show to even the odds, sending the justice guys running away. Big Show points at the sign and I believe we’ve got a six man tag.

We get a trailer for G.I. Joe II.

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

During the entrances we see Ziggler and Langston beating up HELL NO on Smackdown. Kofi starts with a quick armbar and some nice armdrags into another armbar. Back up and Kofi does his double leapfrogs into the back elbow for two. Dolph dropkicks Kingston down for two before hooking his headstand chinlock.

Kingston escapes and fires off some dropkicks of his own before hitting a spinning springboard frog splash for two. Trouble in Paradise is caught in a reverse slam but Kingston escapes and goes to the apron. Kingston runs the apron and dives at Dolph but gets knocked out of the air by Langston. Back in the ring the Zig Zag ends Kofi at 4:38.

Rating: C-. This was the short version of Dolph vs. Kofi who can do this match in their sleep by this point. Again, this was there to set up the post match stuff which is a rather old school mentality to booking. It doesn’t mean it’s terrible, but it’s always tedious to me to sit through a match just to get to the stuff that actually matters.

Post match here’s HELL NO to challenge Langston and Ziggler for a match at Wrestlemania. AJ accepts for her guys if the titles are on the line. Bryan is cool with that and it’s YES chant time.

We recap the Punk/Taker stuff from earlier.

Long video on Rock vs. Cena II which is about redemption vs. greatness again.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho

Barrett is challenging here and goes after Jericho to start. Make that Miz actually but Jericho jumps Barrett and gets two off a clothesline. Miz is knocked to the floor and is quickly followed by Barrett, allowing the Canadian to dive on both of them. The fans chant for Jericho as he hits a dropkick for two on Wade back inside.

Miz pulls Jericho to the floor and gets two off a sunset flip on Barrett. The running corner clothesline staggers Wade again but he comes back by putting Miz on the top rope and hitting a knee to the ribs. The champion loads up a superplex but Jericho comes in to make it a Tower of Doom to put all three guys down as we take a break. Back with Barrett hitting a knee to Jericho’s ribs for two as Miz is down on the floor.

The champion puts on a chinlock for a few seconds before Jericho fights up and gets two off a top rope cross body. Miz breaks up the Lionsault though and hits his top rope ax handle to stagger Wade but he walks into the Winds of Change for two. Wasteland is escaped and Miz takes out Barrett’s leg. There’s the Figure Four but Jericho hits the Lionsault on Miz for a close two.

Barrett is put in the Walls but Miz comes back in, only to not be able to hook the Finale. Both guys backdrops Barrett to the floor and Jericho gets a VERY close two on Miz with a rollup. The Codebreaker puts Miz down but Chris can’t cover. Instead Barrett comes in and shoves Jericho out before covering Miz for two more. Jericho throws Barrett into the barricade and gets two on Miz. A quick DDT gets another near fall for Miz as does a big boot after Miz throws a charging Barrett back to the floor. Jericho grabs a fast rollup for two but jumps into the Finale, only to have Wade roll up Miz for the pin to retain at 12:20.

Rating: B-. This started slow but the stuff after the commercial was WAY better with a bunch of close near falls and false finishes. It doesn’t do anything for the title because we might get a quick match at Mania for it but then after that it sinks back into the nothingness that it’s been in for years.

We look at the premiere party for The Call.

Since this show isn’t long enough already, here are Touts from the fans about what fans think the stipulations for Lesnar vs. HHH should be.

Here’s HHH to sign the contract with Lesnar. Before anything happens, here’s Heyman with security around him. HHH is surprised Lesnar isn’t here, but Heyman loves the idea of backing HHH into a corner. HHH can either sign the contract stips unknown or disappoint all the fans. Heyman thinks this frustrates HHH so HHH makes fun of Heyman’s security. Lesnar has already signed the contract and HHH is ready to sign, but Heyman says not so fast.

First we need to see Vince getting attacked by Lesnar a few weeks back. Heyman then suggests HHH is blindfolded, but that’s not good enough. Then he and Lesnar thought of HHH having his hands and ankles shackled, but that would give HHH too many excuses. Apparently Heyman got to pick the stipulations and suggested that the winner gets Stephanie. Oh wait how about the loser gets Stephanie?

That does it and HHH destroys him but has to beat up security as well. HHH puts Heyman on the table and rips his shirt open to slap his chest while Heyman screams for Brock. HHH slaps Heyman a few more times and chokes him until HHH signs the contract. Heyman is sent to the floor and has a chair thrown at him as HHH says go get the monster.

Cue Lesnar with a chair. Shouldn’t he have been here like three minutes ago when Heyman was getting destroyed? HHH pulls a sledgehammer out from under the table so Heyman holds Lesnar back, saying Brock won this round. The stipulation is…..no holds barred. Well that’s kind of a letdown. Oh wait it’s no holds barred with HHH’s career on the line. That’s still a letdown.

Overall Rating: C+. This show didn’t fall off a cliff like last week’s did, but that’s because it never climbed any mountain in the first place. While the ending segment was solid, this show was just mediocre for the most part and I honestly barely remember most of it. That’s the problem for most of this Wrestlemania build: it’s just kind of there. The show will be good I’m sure, but the show feels like a throwaway edition and nothing more. Nothing to see here although the triple threat was pretty good.

Results

John Cena b. Darren Young – Attitude Adjustment

Ryback b. David Otunga – Shell Shock

R-Truth b. Damien Sandow via countout

HELL NO b. Primo/Epico – Chokeslam to Epico

Alberto Del Rio b. Cody Rhodes – Cross Armbreaker

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Zig Zag

Wade Barrett b. The Miz and Chris Jericho – Rollup to Miz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Uh…..cool I guess.  He’s got the titles and all that jazz but I’m really not sure I’d call him a hall of famer.

Tonight on Raw, we saw a clip of Swagger attacking Del Rio’s left knee.  Then for Del Rio’s matchhis right knee was taped, because WWE can’t remember left and right.

No Way Out 2002
Date: February 17, 2002
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Attendance: 15,291
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This show is important for one reason: the NWO. Flair had bought half of the company and Vince hated it so he decided to poison his own company by way of the NWO. Tonight is their debut but no one is really sure where they’re going to do it at. The main event is Austin vs. Jericho for the title. Other than that we have Rock vs. Taker and Angle vs. HHH with Stephanie as referee with the winner getting the shot at Mania. Other than that (which is a lot already) there isn’t much. Let’s get to it.

Surprisingly enough we open with the NWO. I wouldn’t have bet on them starting the show but this works. At least they’re not making us wait. The set has the big semi-truck look to it which would become a part of the Rock vs. Hogan feud in one of the dumbest segments I can ever remember. We’ll get to that someday.

In this case the NWO is just the three original members. Hall of course looks like a freaking idiot as he tends to do. Nash opens us up and says they have a ton of heat with the boys. Naturally we use some slightly insider terms with these guys. We get the innocent act from them as they say there’s nothing wrong with them and they’re here to make it better. This of course takes about 5 minutes to get through.

Hey Yo gets a big old reaction. Hall throws out the term marks to continue shoving the whole we’re insiders thing down our throats. Hogan goes last and says the same thing for the most part. He’s kind of half booed and cheered, allegedly being choked up. They thank Vince, who even when he brought them in called them poison. It’s rather amusing given how he and Vince are today. The whole opening segment took ten minutes which is rather surprising to me.

And now, nearly 15 minutes into the show we start the wrestling.

Tag Team Turmoil

The idea here is you have six total teams. Two randomly selected teams start us off and have a match. The winners stay alive and face the next randomly selected team. Last team standing wins and gets a tag title shot at Mania. The match wound up being a fatal fourway with three of these teams so it’s not like it mattered anyway. Scotty 2 Hotty/Albert vs. Christian/Lance Storm start us off with Storm and Scotty starting us off.

We go REALLY old school to get a giant swing from Albert. The faces take over here on the Unamericans. Scotty goes to the floor as no one has a counter for Albert. Christian, somehow the only one of these that means anything anymore, takes the Worm. Ok no he doesn’t as Storm tries to kick him in the face. The distraction results in an Unprettier (Killswitch to you modern fans) to end him.

Hardys are next. It’s kind of a mess here as we have a bunch of matches all in a row which is a fun idea but at the same time it’s a bit hard to keep track of the whole thing or review it either. The announcers argue the NWO issue which at least makes sense here as this match isn’t ending for another four falls. I usually hate that but Ross and Lawler tend to be much better about staying on topic.

Pretty much a mess of a match here that isn’t bad or anything. After about four minutes the standard double move from the Hardys take out the Canadians. Nothing great here but I’ve seen worse as usual.

Enter the Dudleys and the GORGEOUS Stacy. Her in the camo shorts and tied off top was absolutely stunning. Jeff and Bubba start the usual good match between these two teams as Bubba locks in an ankle lock of all things on Jeff. Edge and Christian were almost done as a big time team at this point so they were waiting on various teams such as Billy and Chuck to take over etc.

The Hardys try a combination legsweep/side effect which works ok at best. Twist of Fate attempt on Bubba but Stacy comes in, only to get speared down by Lita. I’ll give Lita this: she threw PUNCHES instead of those weak spanks or hair pulls you see more often than not. SWEET Litacanrana to Bubba. Huge dive over the top by Jeff as we crank it WAY up. Matt rolls up D-Von to end this way too early. I’d love to see these guys go at it some more, which is why this era was awesome for tag wrestling.

3D to Jeff on the floor as Billy and Chuck come out. This is about 4 months before the wedding which was one of the best shocks I’ve ever seen. Matt has to fight on his own and gets taken down by a superkick that almost connected and a Fameasser ends him.

The APA is the last team and I think I know who wins here. The boys in red beat up the APA for awhile before pure power takes over. How weird is it to think that Bradshaw was about two years away from a huge world title reign? This slows WAY down as we go from Hardys vs. Dudleys to this. Billy and Chuck didn’t really know what they were doing yet despite being long time tag wrestlers.

Fameasser is caught in a SICK spinebuster from Farooq. I love that move. Semi-hot tag to Bradshaw who cleans a few rooms. HUGE clothesline to Billy ends him to give the APA the win. Billy and Chuck would get the belts by Mania and it would be these two plus the previous two teams in one big mess of a match that wound up sucking to the shock of no one.

Rating: C+. Kind of a mess but not bad. The issues with these matches tended to be having too many quick falls, but here they protected that with the 3D on the floor which makes the double pin make sense. That’s a nice perk on it and the match worked pretty well. Having a 15 minute match helps this too as it’s usually like 9 minutes, which is far too short. This was fine though and kind of fun to watch.

Ad for Mania, which of course they make seem like a religious experience. Mania 17 got close I guess. We even get a Savage clip in there.

Ric Flair is here with the blonde highlighted Cole who you want to punch even harder than you do today. Taker shows up to whine at Flair. They would have a bad Mania match out of this.

Rob Van Dam vs. Goldust

No title or anything here, even though RVD was on the poster. Goldie had a crush on RVD or something. His finishing move is a neckbreaker so you can tell how much of a chance he has here. We get a thinly veiled reference to Dusty as they point out how weird it is to have Goldust be Dusty’s son. BIG reaction for RVD as we’re close to his hometown to a degree. Goldie jumps him during his spinning intro and it’s on early.

It’s kind of weird seeing Goldust as a heel but you’re getting it here. Van Dam gets on a small roll so the Oscar based guy runs away. He tries to leave in true heel fashion but comes back so Lawler can make movie jokes. We get American Pie references and JR won’t say if he saw it or not. Spinning leg to the back of Goldust when he’s on the railing. A flying elbow off the apron misses Van Dam but who cares I guess?

Flying back to the face gets two. In kind of a cool move Van Dam is on the top and gets punched. Goldust then pulls him back so that Van Dam’s back is driven into the top of the post and then pulled down on. Painful looking move at least. This is a rather boring match as for some reason they’re giving RVD a match here for nothing other than to build him up, but of all people they feed Goldust to him? Is this really the best idea?

A chinlock is applied to further deinterest this match. Lawler makes more and more dump jokes here to fill in time. RVD hammers the mat which isn’t tapping for reasons of it not being the finish I guess. If you can’t tell this is rather boring. Backslide gets two for RVD. Jumping kick to the face gets two for RVD as you can feel the ending coming soon. Rolling Thunder gets two.

Five Star misses and RVD takes a DDT. Goldust does an interpretive dance to signal the neckbreaker….which is now the reverse suplex into the slam which has been his more well known finisher by the same name (Curtain Call). Stepover spinwheel kick sets up the Five Star to end this boring match.

Rating: D. This got 12 minutes on a PPV? Did RVD smoke a bit with the writers beforehand? This wasn’t anything more than a long Raw match would be and for some reason it was the second match on a PPV. Just a total WTF here as there was no apparent reason for this but they gave it time anyway. RVD gets wasted here despite having the spot on the poster. Pointless match.

Ad for the British PPV Rebellion, which I think we’ve done but if not I might do a marathon to get through them.

Austin runs into the NWO, having one of his few on screen appearances with Hogan ever. They all talk about how great Austin is and have a present for him, a six pack of beer, which Austin throws away. It’s kind of weird for some reason seeing the other three guys being taller than he is for some reason. As pointless as this seemed to be, seeing Austin and Hogan on screen is to say the least special.

Tag Titles: Booker T/Test vs. Spike Dudley/Tazz

The big guys are the challengers here. There are only one set of belts at this point so for some reason they decided that these two are the best choice for the titles. That’s just bizarre but whatever. Their combined weight is 398lbs. That’s just amusing. Test and Tazz fight as do the others. Test and Booker were champions back in the Alliance days I believe. Spike comes in with a missile dropkick off the top to take care of Test.

We get kind of a Hart Attack from the challengers but with a side kick instead. Tazz of course stands there and watches it happen instead of making a save or even attempting a save. Why save your tiny partner I guess? Spike as usual takes a beating which is what he is made for it seems. Axe Kick kills him pretty much and we get a spinarooni.

VERY weak hot tag to Taz who puts Booker on the floor. Test goes for a cover but yells at the referee when it’s two and walks into the Tazmission for the tap out. For the life of me I don’t get the point in putting the titles on these guys and then keeping them with these two for so long. A more traditional team would win them soon afterwards with Billy and Chuck.

Rating: D+. Pretty weak Raw level match here that didn’t have much at all going for it. Again Taz and Spike were nice for awhile but in matches like this it was just stupid. I mean really, beating Booker and Test clean? Would anyone buy that at all? I certainly didn’t and thankfully they would lose the belts soon after this.

Rock rants about Taker tombstoning him on a limo a few weeks back. It turns into a rant about respect with Rock in fine form. Oddly enough Coach can almost look him in the eye.

Mania is in four weeks.

Intercontinental Title: Edge vs. William Regal

This is brass knuckles on a pole. Edge was on the verge of one of the hottest streaks I can remember in a long time. Allegedly he was going to jump to Raw at Survivor Series and win the first Elimination Chamber but Shawn and HHH decided they were the right choices to steal the show there. He would have won it in 2003 but he hurt his neck and never really has been the same.

They fight in the aisle to start as Edge goes for the pole early. Before you make your Russo jokes, he actually did come back around this time as an advisor. Second rope dropkick by Edge to take Regal down again. Regal takes over with some cheating as the fans chant USA. Fortunately for my sanity we shift to REGAL SUCKS. Butterfly powerbomb on the floor and Edge is in big trouble.

Regal Stretch goes on and Edge is bleeding from the nose. Another powerbomb in the ring and it’s all Regal at this point. Edge gets a small break but both men hit the floor. Kind of a slow match so far as neither can really get a continued advantage but it’s not horrible. Regal goes for the knuckles but Edge pulls him down in a belly to back suplex. Regal pulled them down with him though and the Canadian gets them. Regal has his OWN knucks though and he pops Edge with them to end it.

Rating: D+. It’s ok I guess but this just kind of dragged for awhile. Regal would drop the belt to RVD at Mania so it’s not like this was part of a long title reign for him. Edge losing is a bit stupid given how hot he was but if they wanted to go with RVD then that’s understandable. Regal never really clicked as a major threat but this was fine for what it was, which isn’t much I guess.

Don’t Try This At Home.

Lillian suggests Angle has Stephanie in his corner which he denies. He also says he didn’t get his medals out of a box of Lucky Charms. The WHAT chants are really annoying here.

We recap Rock vs. Taker which started when Rock made fun of him for being eliminated by Maven in the Rumble. Taker said Rock didn’t respect him which was his big thing at this point. Rock cost him the Hardcore Title to Maven on Smackdown, so Taker gave him a Tombstone on a limo.

The Undertaker vs. The Rock

Rock sprints to the ring and we’re on fast. Taker wins a slugout and takes over. I’m not sure if these two have ever had a truly good match but maybe they’ll surprise me here. We hit the chinlock very early which is kind of surprising. We are LIVE which is a box that pops up for no apparent reason. Big boot misses and Rock takes over.

This is really rather boring so far. We hit the floor for the standard brawling and Rock gets crotched on the railing. They head to the back kind of, fighting through an exit door of some kind. I’m not sure why but I just cannot get into this match. It’s not working for me at all as they’re going very slowly with almost nothing but punches and strikes. Just as I say that we hit a bearhug by Taker.

I’ve never liked the spot where on the third drop the face’s arm drops and then snaps back up. It fell, meaning that should be a submission. Rock comes back with, of course, punches. A DDT and spinebuster set up the elbow attempt which is the only overly long spot that I actually like. It doesn’t hit but Rock low blows Taker to keep the advantage. Ah there’s the chokeslam.

That only gets two so Taker goes and sits on his motorcycle. And there goes the referee, allowing Taker to pull out the pipe he hit Rock with a few weeks ago. Flair comes out for the save which ticks Taker off, prompting him to just kick Flair in the face, which is rapidly becoming one of my favorite moves/responses in wrestling.

Sharpshooter goes on and here’s Vince for no apparent reason other than Flair hates Taker so Vince likes him I guess. Rock goes after him, allowing Taker to set for the Tombstone. Flair hits him in the head with the pipe which doesn’t put him down, but the Rock Bottom does. Well that makes sense, as well as ends the match.

Rating: D. I know that’s low but this just wasn’t very good. With 85% or so being punches and the WAY overbooked ending, this just never got going at all. It’s kind of a mess, feeling like it had a long, as in over ten minutes, worth of setup before we got to the meat of the match. The problem is the meat of the match wasn’t working at all either, making the whole thing just not very good at all.

Perfect is at WWF New York, where he appears a bit intoxicated. Ring rat jokes follow.

We recap Angle vs. HHH which never really got a big blowoff in 2000. HHH threw Angle out to end the Rumble so Angle complained about it. What exactly does it mean to go Olympic on someone? Stephanie and HHH were “divorcing” at the time, but Stephanie said she was pregnant. Since this is wrestling though, it was a fake. They were going to renew their wedding vows but HHH found out earlier. Wasn’t this supposed to be about Angle too? Stephanie is referee tonight.

Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Ok so at least we get Stephanie in a leather halter top for a referee shirt and TINY leather shorts. Yep she’s gorgeous. Angle gets a LOUD You Suck chant. Allegedly Stephanie and Angle are sleeping together. Stephanie keeps trying to get quick counts on HHH. This is for the shot at Mania if I didn’t mention that. We hear about how HHH has no chance, but if you believe he’s not going to Mania you’re an idiot.

Belly to back suplex to HHH but since he didn’t spin slightly it’s not an Angle Slam. Angle goes for a big clothesline but takes Stephanie’s head off instead, sending her to the floor. Tim White comes down, making Stephanie more or less pointless. Granted seeing her in clothes liked that made the match already. Couple of sweet belly to belly suplexes with Angle in control.

We get a sleeper and the fans chant boring which I can’t say I disagree with. Angle gets a little ticked off which makes him a bit more awesome. Ten punches in the corner but HHH counters with a powerbomb of all things. We hit the floor with Angle running away. And then Angle just hits the referee from behind and even with HHH in front of him, that’s not a DQ. Low blow puts HHH down again and there’s the Angle Slam. Stephanie bounces back to ringside and gets two.

Ankle lock is kicked off and down goes Stephanie again. DDT hits Angle but there’s no referee. Does everything have to be overbooked tonight? Angle goes for a chair shot but HHH gets a nice Pedigree. Referee comes back but Stephanie drops an elbow on him and kicks him low. End this please. Two chair shots and an Angle Slam….sends Angle to Mania??? Ah apparently there was a rematch the next night with Stephanie barred from ringside where HHH won, making this rather pointless but whatever.

Rating: D+. It’s better than the last match but not by much. This wasn’t really very good as the overbooking completely took me out of things. It’s not a horrible match but the whole Stephanie aspect just hurt it a lot. Angle and HHH never really clicked as main event guys in their matches against each other and this was no exception. Just not a very good match, but more due to the booking than the people involved.

Angle speeds away for no apparent reason.

Same Mania ad as earlier.

The NWO comes in to be all nice to the Rock and Hogan asks for a picture for his son. Rock of course out talks all of them and cuts one of his promos about Diesel and Ramon. You can’t say he’s not confident here. The Rock vs. Hogan moment was I think the next night.

No real story to Austin vs. Jericho. Austin beat Angle to get the shot and wants the belt. A standard back and forth attack sequence ensued.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Chris Jericho

They have a stare down and flip each other off. Feeling out process to start as Jericho runs. As George Foreman said though, you can’t run forever. Jericho is caught and Austin lays waste to him in the corner. In a nice spot Jericho hooks the ropes to avoid a clothesline so Austin just keeps his arm out and runs forward to send him to the floor. Pretty much a worthless opening five minutes.

We head up to the stage or entrance area in this case. Ross says there can’t be count outs because the referee isn’t in the ring. Why can’t they be? Does the referee lose his refereeing powers outside of the ring? Back in the ring now and you can kind of tell that no one really believes the title is changing here. Austin is just not the huge star he was a year ago, although you could say that about the whole company and you would be right.

A low blow allows Jericho to take over and Austin goes to the floor. Ross’ earlier comment is negated as Jericho has to slide into the ring to break the count while the referee is on the floor with them. Ross follows that line up by saying this might be the most important match in Austin’s career. Austin gets a powerslam in the ring as NOTHING of note is going on here. Walls go on as it’s just a Boston Crab here due to neck injuries.

Jericho goes to get a belt but he gets knocked into the referee. This means nothing as he pops back up to count two for Austin. Breakdown is the counter to the Stunner into the belt for another two into a nice pop. Jericho taps to the Walls but, say it with me, no ref. Stunner ends him again and here’s the NWO for the beatdown and Jericho gets the pin for the easy retaining.

Rating: D+. Boring match overall but it had some decent spots. The NWO running in was kind of pointless but it set up the odd choice of Austin vs. Hall at Mania. This wasn’t horrible, but it REALLY needed to be about 5-8 minutes shorter. 20+ minutes of this to just set up the NWO run-in just didn’t do it for me. Could have been worse, but Austin had lost a step by this point and it was clearly starting to show.

More beating down follows and Austin winds up getting spraypainted.

Overall Rating: F+. This was just a bad show overall. I’m not entirely sure how to rate this as it certainly didn’t feel as bad as the ratings I gave it, but this was still pretty bad. With guys like Benoit and Eddie gone at the moment there just wasn’t a lot of talent to go around in the upper midcard spots. The three main matches all more or less sucked due to overbooking and the undercard wasn’t much better.

Just a total mess of a show where nothing of note happened other than a more or less worthless NWO debut. This era wasn’t kind to the company and this show proves that. I mean really, RVD vs. Goldust on PPV? Just a more or less terrible show and definitely not worth seeing.

 

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