Living Dangerously 2000
Date: March 12, 2000
Location: O’Neil Center, Danbury, Connecticut
Attendance: 4,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Cyrus

The main story here is that the TV Title is vacant. Why is it vacant you ask? That would be because no one holds it at the moment. Tonight is about getting it some tender loving care. We’re trying to find someone that will curl up with it and give it the affection that it deserves.  For the less creepy version, RVD broke his leg/ankle so we’re having a TV Title tournament here. Other than that, this is the scaffold show with New Jack and Grimes, so expect a decent sized rant on that. Let’s get to it.

Sinister Minister (Abyss’ former manager) talks about the seven deadly sins of ECW. There’s a great long joke in there but I’ll spare you from it. Oh I forgot there’s a new massive heel stable: the Network, which is more or less a parody of TNN whining at Heyman over what they want. One funny line here is him getting to Wrath and says been there and done that (he managed a guy named Wrath in WCW. It didn’t go well.)

We hear Joey warming up the crowd and telling them to cheer. I know everyone does it, but come on now. Gertner says a few decent jokes but here’s Cyrus. He says excuse me a lot. Someone sue Vickie for trademark infringement. Are we ever going to get like, a fight between these two? Gertner just stands there and takes it of course like an idiot. Every time they say TNN I expect them to say TNA. Actually Gertner goes after him but Cyrus winds up hitting him when he’s not looking. Joey makes the save which is just odd.

Hit the theme song.

And here’s Steve Corino dressed like a cowboy. While he’s talking the audio messes up and we hear part of a Lou E. Dangerously promo. Paul…come on. Corino runs the fans down and in particular Sandman’s wife who is in the front row. Apparently she’s more of a man chase than Missy Hyatt and for you WCW fans, you get the idea.

 

Allegedly the Raven thing wasn’t an angle according to Corino. Dang his wife isn’t that attractive. She slaps him and he throws her in the ring. That girl wasn’t afraid to mix it up. There’s a table in the corner which I’m sure someone will go through. Sandman comes in to save her. And he gets a piledriver. His wife is gored through the table.

 

Not that we see it or anything but she’s standing in front of it, the camera jumps to the crowd, and we hear it being broken and they Rhyno is on her and the table is broken. The production values here are awful. Sandman gets his wife out of the ring and is likely going with her to the hospital.

 

This of course means he’s out of his tournament match, which is another bait and switch by Heyman but whatever. Corino now calls out Dusty Rhodes of all people. Oh that’s right they’re feuding. Also pay no attention to Dusty being everything ECW was supposed to be against.

Steve Corino vs. Dusty Rhodes

Should be noted the bell hasn’t rung yet and we’re 20 minutes into the PPV. This is a bullrope match too and it’s the pinning version thank goodness. There’s the bell at 20:40 of the PPV. Apparently Corino and Jack Victory beat up this referee at a house show. Dusty hits Corino with the cowbell. Know what I think we need now? NEEDS MORE COWBELL! Sorry I had to do that at least once.

 

And we’re already in the crowd. Steve is bleeding. I know he’s old school, but dang he could give Flair a run for his money in bleeding. Victory helps and it’s all about the cowbell. Is this a Christopher Walken special or something? This has been more in the crowd than in the ring of course. Dusty is bleeding now. Corino bites the cut over Dusty’s eye which I think is bleeding barbecue sauce instead of blood. And now it’s all about the blood.

 

Also, WHO CAME UP WITH THE STUPID COWBELL IDEA? I know it’s Dusty’s signature thing, but man I can’t stand this thing. Dusty is dominating by the way. Yeah the old guy that is in his mid fifties and hasn’t been a regular competitor in about ten years is beating a guy that is being groomed to be the top heel in the company.

 

Sure why not. Both guys have bells now. The referee helps Dusty tape a cowbell to the top of Corino’s head. And there’s a chair to the bell to the head. A Bionic Elbow ends it. Yes, the fat man goes over. I hate this company.

Rating: D. This was just stupid. Seriously, why is Dusty going over here? I know Corino isn’t as great as he’s made out to be, but there is ZERO justification here other than Dusty’s ego or position in the past or whatever. Why in the world would he need this win for a run in the company of all of four months? Just a bad match too with far too much cowbell (screw you Walken).

Sandman won’t be in the tournament tonight. Shocking.

Guido says he’ll win the title tonight.

Dangerous Alliance vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The Alliance is CW Anderson and Bill Willes. Yeah I don’t know the second guy either. The announcer looks like a mean gerbil apparently. Lou E. Dangerously can do a great Heyman impression but that’s about it. He says…nothing yet since the people are all booing him. Apparently the PPV is named after him. Can we get on with this? The fans won’t shut up to let him do his thing.

 

He does it and I don’t care at all. The Dangerous Alliance thing was at least a good idea. Elektra was hot if nothing else and Roadkill was always a funny gimmick for some reason. The Alliance is supposed to be a throwback to the original Dangerous Alliance back in 91-92 which had perhaps more pure talent than any other stable ever, and that’s including the Horsemen at their best. This Billy guy is worthless. He’s supposed to be the Bobby Eaton guy of this team? That’s very funny.

 

Also the non Alliance team has become face since the last show somehow. Anderson works on Doring’s arm so at least he’s got that part of the gimmick down. Anderson is an interesting guy and not bad in the ring. This Billy guy simply isn’t. Doring hits the Stroke but it’s called the G-Spot Sweet here. Oh dear. It all breaks down of course and the heels are in trouble.

 

Willes takes a Lancaster Lariat of Lust. I can’t make these names up. Roadkill goes up for his top rope splash but Elektra turns heel and crotches him, allowing Anderson to hit the spinebuster for the pin as Elektra joins them.

Rating: C+. I’m not sure why but I liked this. They kept this WAY reeled in and it worked quite well. It’s a basic story and it came off well. Maybe it’s just a basic wrestling match happening and my mind being blown by that. Maybe Elektra’s hips did that. I’m not sure, but this was fine.

The Impact Players promise to get their tag belts back. Dang Dawn was hot.

Simon Diamond vs. Kid Kash

Seriously, a gimmick based on Kid Rock? Could we not get Billy Joel or Englebert Humperdink? And here’s Mike Awesome. No one gets why, but here he is. Oh and he and Raven are the tag champions now to go with the world title. He actually says get out of the ring or die. Diamond and company bail, leaving us with this.

Kid Kash vs. Mike Awesome

Sure why not. Kash kicks out of the splash early. It’s all Mike here as you wouldn’t expect. Shouldn’t Kash get in at least an early flurry? Ah there we go. Kash could do high spots if nothing else. For some reason I liked him when I was 12. It was a very strange time.

 

Kash hits a modified Pedigree on Awesome’s manager but gets knocked the heck out by Awesome. Kash hits a rana which of course DOES NOTHING because that move is worthless and gets knocked out again. And there’s your table. Powerbomb through it in 3, 2, 1…yeah there it is. Awesome wins of course.

Rating: D. Well Awesome lives up to his name and Kash gets destroyed. Was there a reason to not have the original match or am I just missing something? Apparently this was a world title match too. Pay no attention to the fact that we’re not told this until the very end and by that I mean when they say he’s still champion but whatever.

Post match Jazz comes out to help Kash but Jado and Gedo, two guys from Japan come out with Diamond to beat up Jazz. Here’s Nova and Chetti for the save and of course it’s an impromptu match!

Jado/Gedo vs. Nova/Chris Chetti

I’ve heard incredibly mixed reviews on Jado and Gedo but I think I’ve seen one match of theirs and it was a 6 man. We hear about how great Gedo is and he’s got a decent resume actually with wins over Jericho, Benoit and Malenko. Joey: Nova and Chetti have been together as a team now for a year minus the six months Chetti was out with a back injury.

 

I think that’s grounds for just saying they’ve been together for awhile. They tag with other people though but it’s all good. The Japanese guys like to mock opponents apparently. Joey can you freaking say who is who? I think Gedo is in the ring but I’m not sure. This show has been such a train wreck I’m not sure. Ah never mind that’s Jado. Gedo has a shirt on. Got it.

 

Nova gets a NICE superkick to the throat of Jado. That looked great and sounded great too. Chetti tries one and does quite well too. His only missed by six inches or so. Cyrus doesn’t know the referee’s name which means nothing at all but I need to fill in some space here. The Tidal Wave hits Gedo to end it. It’s a combination splash and leg drop but both guys jump from the same rope. It looked pretty cool.

Rating: D+. This was just a mess. It wasn’t bad or anything, but it was just a total mess. I know I said that already but it’s the only way to put it. Why are the Japanese guys here? Why did Nova and Chetti pick this time to run down? How was a contract agreed to and sanctioned so fast? Yes I know I’m nitpicking but dang man. That’s two in a row with nothing but random match to explain it. That’s not good.

Dangerously talks about doing well tonight. Elektra is REALLY, REALLY bad at talking. Good grief SHUT UP ALREADY!

TV Title Tournament Semi–Finals: Little Guido vs. Super Crazy

Hey look: another cruiserweight match but this time there’s something close to meaning! The winner fights Rhyno for the title in the main event. The Network doesn’t like Crazy apparently. Crazy hits a great moonsault to the floor. Again this match is just all over the place and going so fast you can’t tell if anything is working or not.

 

We’re told that Heenan put vodka in his water cup. That explains a lot. Guido hooks a Fujiwara Armbar on Crazy on the floor to take over. See what I mean? That was decent, but it came and went so fast that it’s hard to tell if it was good or not. And there’s a chair. Wow we went awhile without many weapons tonight. Crazy gets the ten punches in Spanish and then does it again to Big Sal.

 

You have to give the ECW fans this: they were well rehearsed. During this fight for a belt we get a fight over a belt. See how low I have to sink for jokes here? Guido misses an elbow and goes through a table. A brainbuster and a moonsault gives us our finals.

Rating: C. So? That’s all I can say here. So freaking what? This match or a combination of these two and Tajiri has been on every show for like 8 months now. SO? I mean seriously, why in the world should I care? They had a decent match and then they’ll likely have more later. It’s entertaining and to be fair one is getting a midcard title shot, but I flat out do not see a reason to care one bit here.

Buy this video game! You can wrestle as Joey Styles! Yeah the game completely sucked as it was just War Zone but with ECW characters and blood.

W*ING Kanemura vs. Balls Mahoney

Kinemura is from FMW and is something close to a hardcore legend. THIS gets a big match intro? Joey insists that this will be a hardcore match. Thanks Joey as I never would have guessed that. Kanemura hits a nice senton from the top. Oh and his first name is Kintaro here. He’s more known as W*ING though (and yes that’s the real spelling) so I’ll go with that. Not like it matters though as it’s a 2 minute match with a sitout powerslam ending it with Balls getting the win.

Rating: N/A. Just nothing here but a transitional thing to this.

The Baldies run in and beat up Balls but here’s New Jack and THAT FREAKING SONG. This is a very infamous moment so I’m not going to call this an actual match or anything. Expect a long rant later on. New Jack beats them up with stuff including a Playstation and I don’t care at all.

 

We fight over a pizza cutter for a bit and this is just wasting my time. Come on I have the Smackdown Pilot waiting on me but I have to do this first. And let’s go into the crowd because that hasn’t been done at all tonight. And now we get to the famous part of this, as we fight to a scaffolding.

There are two tables set on top of each other and they climb up the scaffolding. It should definitely be noted that it’s just that: a scaffold. In scaffold matches there was usually at least something solid to stand on. This is a beam that is only a few inches wide. They’re both clearly scared to death and I can’t blame them.

 

This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever seen. And there it is. New Jack I guess tries a suplex off the scaffold. It doesn’t work. At all. New Jack completely misses the tables and lands feet first. Grimes on the other hand lands on his head, and I mean both versions of his. Grimes lands head first and his body lands on New Jack’s head. Both guys are of course completely unconscious and we go to a wide shot while medics come in.

 

Remember that Grimes weighs about 400lbs. Sure let’s show replays and keep the freaking song going while the fans cheer. New Jack had brain damage and was at least temporarily blinded by this. It resulted in him attempting to severely injure or even kill Grimes (his words) at another show after ECW closed. This brings the show to a complete halt and lets the fans cheer incessantly.

So again we have violence for the sake of violence and stunts for the sake of stunts. And look what happened: two guys were almost killed because of it. But hey, the people are cheering right? Hey, people are going to buy more New Jack stuff now because he’s hardcore right?

 

This is another example of having no regard or respect for the lives of workers. Having them stand on a two inch bar 20 feet in the air is just flat out irresponsible, negligent and arguably criminal. Why in the world did we need to do this? Ah yes: we needed to top what we did last month.

 

Seriously, why do we have to do this? Instead of a regular wrestling match, we had to see a crutch to the balls and a vacuum shot to the back before we dive twenty feet and nearly kill two men. Not only that, but in a promotion called XPW, they had another match and New Jack tried to kill him for revenge.

 

And these incidents happened on a professional wrestling show. What do these things have to do with professional wrestling? I’ve yet to see any connection between being slammed into the concrete from a scaffold and a wrestling match. This was just flat out not needed and the fact that they didn’t die, which isn’t an exaggeration as allegedly a six inch difference would have killed New Jack, is a perk is just not acceptable.

After Joey and Cyrus stall for time, it’s time for the three way dance.

Tag Titles: Tommy Dreamer/Masato Tanaka vs. Impact Players vs. Mike Awesome/Raven

So the Impact Players were the champions and Tanaka/Dreamer beat them and held the belts for a week. Then Awesome and Raven took the belts and are defending here. They won them 8 days ago so the Impact Players lost the titles just over two weeks ago. Raven and Awesome hit the ring at a sprint and we’re already going. Awesome takes out Justin and Jason in a nice looking dive.

 

Dreamer gets a nice pop and here are the other former champions who were just thrown together but that makes them a great team of course. We get a Rocky Horror reference and Cyrus points out that the Players are the only real team here. Raven and Dreamer fight in the ring which just feels right.

 

Awesome goes through a table as it’s just a massive mess rather than anything close to a coherent match. The Roaring Elbow puts Awesome and Raven out in like 4 minutes. Ok then. So get the nameplates ready for the Impact Players again. Oh come on like they’re going to lose to Dreamer and Tanaka. Dreamer is bleeding. Justin botches a spinning DDT to the complete lack of shock from me.

 

Hey look: TAGGING IN A TAG TEAM MATCH! Dreamer hits some stuff to make the hot tag and Jason comes in to make it 3-2 which is just fine. Tanaka beats them both up just because he can and we’re doing nothing but near falls already. A kendo stick to the head of Dreamer puts him down and at least we get Diamond Dust so I can be somewhat happy.

 

A belt shot and spike piledriver to Dreamer give the Players the belts back. Cyrus runs down to celebrate. The belts would be vacated in about a month when Justin won the world title and wouldn’t be replaced for about four months, so you won’t see a PPV tag title match for a good while.

Rating: D. Again just a total mess here that nothing came from. Also this lasted 9 more minutes. Everything has flown by here and there has been no substance to anything whatsoever. Also, why drop the belts if you’re just going to get them back in two weeks anyway? Ah right: it’s ECW. I just don’t care again here.

ECW TV Title Tournament Finals: Rhyno vs. Super Crazy

Cyrus just stayed in the ring and introduced this so there was almost no transition at all. Now common sense booking would say Sandman interferes here and costs Rhyno the belt. The fans get this too so they cheer for Sandman the majority of the match, completely taking the focus off of the guys in the match.

 

Before the match though Paul comes out and cusses out Cyrus, dropping about 5 F Bombs in just over a minute. And here’s Gertner to yell at Cyrus as well. He doesn’t do anything of course, but here’s Super Crazy. I’ll give them points for elevating a midcard guy, but no one cares as neither guy has beaten RVD so there’s no point to this really. The company is completely dead at this point but they kept going for about another 10 months or so.

 

And Crazy dominates the monster with flips and stuff as the fans chant for Sandman. It’s table time already and Crazy goes through it. Rhyno hits a nice powerbomb for two. The Triple Moonsault hits and down goes the referee. Tajiri comes down and mists Crazy then kicks him. Oh look: ANOTHER table.

 

Rhyno mocks RVD, which of course brings him out to make whoever wins this look even less important. Scotty freaking Riggs comes in to help and RVD puts Rhyno through a table. Great way to make him look important. Crazy hits a moonsault to win the title.

 

He would hold it for a month then Tajiri would hold it for two weeks and then Rhyno would hold it for a full year save for a two week reign by Kid Kash in August. Rhyno beats everyone up afterwards and here’s Sandman who breaks the stick over his head. Metallica plays and the faces celebrate to end the show after two hours and twenty minutes. WOW.

Rating: D. I never would have dreamed it possible but this was somehow worse than the previous stuff. It had at least four different people running in and four tables used. What’s the point of having a champion again? This was just bad and RVD beating up Rhyno on one good leg is just idiotic. The Sandman chants didn’t help either. Horrible finish to a horrible PPV.

Overall Rating: F+. Where do I start? For one thing, the longest match of the night is the Bull Rope match at ten minutes and thirteen seconds. After that it’s the tag title match which is in essence a 2/3 falls match at 9 minutes and three seconds. Other than that I don’t think anything broke 8 minutes in length.

 

SERIOUSLY? You end a PPV at 10:20 which includes a long opening segment and a highlight package at the end and you have DUSTY FREAKING RHODES win the longest match of the night? Like I said throughout this review, it felt like they were in a rush all night. What could they possibly have been rushing to? They could have had another thirty minutes on this show but instead almost everything stays under 9 minutes?

 

Are you telling me you couldn’t add five more minutes to the tag titles? Or to Guido vs. Crazy? Or geez had ANOTHER MATCH? Dang even add five minutes to the Mahoney/Kanemura match and it would have helped. I get that the botch (which I’ll spare you more complaining about) in the New Jack thing made them run short, but you can’t thrown two guys out there for a squash or something?

 

Even with the intros and such it would have filled in some time. Or even have some promos and it gets better. Just give us SOMETHING dude. Was there a reason for the Sandman/Rhyno match not happening? Don’t tell me an injury, because it’s not like Sandman matches require a ton of actual wrestling or anything. Just a horrible PPV and the worse ECW show in a LONG time.

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 11, 2013
Location: Bankers Fieldhouse Arena, Indianapolis, Indiana
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re four weeks out from Wrestlemania and the top of the card is set. The major news coming out of last week is that CM Punk gets the chance to stop Undertaker’s Streak this year after winning a fatal fourway to end last week’s episode. Other than that we’re likely to hear more about Rock vs. Cena II tonight which should be fun after last week’s solid promos. Let’s get to it.

We open with a tribute video to Paul Bearer. This is the same one that aired on WWE’s Youtube channel last week.

Appropriately enough, here’s Undertaker to open the show. He kneels down in the middle of the ring in front of an urn and looks up at the In Memory graphic but is interrupted by CM Punk. Punk talks about wanting to extend his heartfelt condolences for Undertaker’s loss. That would be Undertaker’s loss at Wrestlemania of course. The silver lining for Undertaker is that Paul Bearer won’t be alive to see Undertaker go 20-1. Punk says that in four weeks, we’ll get a tribute video to Undertaker’s streak.

During the break Kane came out and tried to chokeslam Punk off the stage but he escaped. Kane went looking through the back for Punk but couldn’t find him. Instead he threw someone I couldn’t make out across the locker room. It might have been Alex Riley.

Big Show vs. Seth Rollins

This is a result of Shield beating up Big Show after Raw went off the air last week. Rollins runs at Big Show to start but is easily shoves away. Rollins is sent to the floor with Big Show in pursuit. The other members of the Shield jump him for the DQ at 41 seconds.

Show tries to fight them off but the spear takes him down. There’s the TripleBomb to leave Show laying.

Punk yells at Vickie Guerrero and Brad Maddox about what happened with Kane, so Vickie makes it Kane vs. Punk in a No DQ match.

We get a classic Bearer moment with him making his debut on the Brother Love Show.

Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler

This is a result of Bryan making fun of AJ after she had water thrown on her last week. Bryan starts fast with a surfboard submission, only to have Ziggler escape and dropkick him down for two. Bryan comes back with an elbow in the corner and a stomp to the arm before backdropping Ziggler out to the floor. Bryan loads up the suicide dive but Langston gets on his apron to stop him in his tracks as we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding Bryan in a chinlock but Bryan catapults him into the corner to escape. A running knee to Ziggler’s chest puts him down but Bryan runs into a boot in the corner. An O’Connor Roll gets two for Bryan but Ziggler pops out at the last second. Bryan fires off the hard kicks to the chest and a big one to the head gets two. Ziggler goes up top but gets crotched down hard. Bryan loads up a belly to back superplex but Ziggler turns over in mid air, turning it into a cross body for a VERY close two.

Bryan tries a standing huricanrana but gets dropped onto the top rope. The Fameasser gets two for Dolph and he pounds away on the chest. AJ gets on the apron to distract the referee as Bryan hooks the No Lock, only to have Langston pull him to the ropes. Another attempt at the No Lock is countered and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pin at 11:30.

Rating: B. Good back and forth match here but it still doesn’t help Ziggler’s major problems right now, mainly being the lack of a match at Wrestlemania. Maybe he and Langston will go after the tag titles or something, but right now there’s nothing for him to do, which says a lot after how big a deal he was a few months ago.

Post match Langston hits the Big Ending (falling slam) on Bryan at AJ’s request.

We recap HHH’s challenge to Lesnar from last week.

Tensai vs. Fandango

Tensai tells him to get out here, but Fandango doesn’t like how they say his name. He wants Naomi to say his name because she’s the only one with any skill. Fandango says she’s better than this but Tensai cuts her off, meaning no match.

Trailer for G.I. Joe 2.

Another Paul Bearer moment is him returning with Undertaker at Wrestlemania 20.

Rhodes Scholars vs. New Age Outlaws

Before the match, Sandow and Rhodes do the intelligent version of the Outlaws’ entrance which is very amusing. Apparently they’ve reunited for good now, which makes me wonder why they split in the first place. Road Dogg: “Lord have mercy, this one is for you Percy (Bearer’s real first name). Roadie and Cody start things off and there are the shaky jabs to put Cody down. Before this goes anywhere though, here’s Brock Lesnar, sending fear running through Cody. Lesnar attacks Gunn for the DQ at 1:25.

Both Outlaws get F5’s and are laid in front of Lesnar. Heyman is here with Lesnar and talks about how Lesnar isn’t here to play games. He talks about Lesnar hurting both Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon. Heyman says the last traces of DX were just destroyed right in front of you and that Lesnar will indeed fight HHH at Wrestlemania. However, there’s a but to that yes. Lesnar wants to name the stipulations before he’ll agree, but HHH has to sign the contract before he knows the rules. Heyman eggs HHH on by listing off people that HHH will disappoint by saying no. Heyman’s two words for us: BROCK LESNAR.

Kofi Kingston vs. Mark Henry

Kofi tries to fire off some kicks to start but is easily knocked out to the floor with a single kick from Henry. Out on the floor and Henry misses a charge into the steps, allowing Kofi to dive off the steps and stagger Henry. Back inside Kofi tries his top rope cross body, only to be caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:26.

In the back, Cody makes mustache jokes to Kaitlyn when Sandow shows up. He says he has a surprise for Cody and here are the returning Bella Twins. Kaitlyn walks off in disgust. Vickie comes up and gives the Scholars a match with Randy Orton and Sheamus.

Ryback vs. Heath Slater

Mark Henry comes out to watch and there isn’t much else to say. Slater tries to jump him but gets pounded down, allowing for the Meat Hook and the Shell Shock to end this at 1:05.

Post match McIntyre gets Shell Shocked and here’s Henry to the ring. McIntyre gets a World’s Strongest Slam and a second Shell Shock. Now he gets another World’s Strongest Slam as the monsters stare at each other.

Trailer for The Call.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Antonio Cesaro

Non-title here as usual. Before the match Del Rio says he was born in Mexico but made in America. Alberto hits a quick cross body for two but Cesaro comes back with a forearm to the head. He pounds down Del Rio before hooking a fast chinlock. The world champion comes back with some clotheslines and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. The low superkick and Backstabber get two each and Del Rio goes up top. He jumps into the European uppercut for two though and follows it up with an attempted German suplex. Del Rio easily counters into the cross armbreaker for the submission at 4:40.

Rating: C. This was fine, and although I could go without the US Champion tapping out in five minutes, at least it was to Alberto who is on a roll at this point. Del Rio is on a higher level than Cesaro so a loss by Antonio isn’t the worst thing in the world. Cesaro got in one good move the entire match though and that’s not a good omen for him.

Kane is holding the urn and has nothing to say.

We get a video recapping Cena vs. Rock over the last two years.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Randy Orton/Sheamus

Damien and Randy start things off with Orton in full control. It’s off to Sheamus to face Cody and the Scholars manage to send Sheamus to the floor to take over. Back do Damien for some knee drops for two as Sheamus is in trouble. He fights up with relative ease though once Cody comes back in. The not hot tag brings in Orton for an attempt at the Elevated DDT but Damien makes the save.

Orton is sent into the post and we head back inside so Sandow can hit the Wind-Up Elbow for two. Back to Rhodes who goes up top, only to get crotched and superplexed down. There’s the tag to Sheamus who cleans house, including hitting Sandow with the ten forearms on the apron. White Noise takes down Sandow again and it’s the Brogue Kick for the pin at 8:03.

Rating: D+. That’s probably really harsh but this show is hitting the exact same problem that every single episode does: it’s feeling long. We’ve done so much tonight and now the show is reaching levels of burnout. This is the same problem the show always reaches because three hours a week is just too much.

During the break, Shield attacked Orton and Sheamus.

We get some Touts from fans about Paul Bearer.

Here’s Jericho for the Highlight Reel with guests the Miz and Wade Barrett, both of whom have movies out at the moment. Miz is out first and talks about the success of his movie but here’s Barrett to talk about how great Dead Man Down is. Barrett talks about turning down a lot of movie roles because he’s busy being IC Champion. Jericho gets in his face and says he’s been Intercontinental Champion nine times and if Barrett keeps up, he might make it ten. Cue Brad Maddox who stumbles through the worst promo in the history of ever while announcing Jericho vs. Miz with the winner getting a title shot at Wade next week.

Chris Jericho vs. The Miz

This is joined in progress and the winner gets a title match at Barrett next week. Barrett is on commentary for the match. Jericho has Miz in a chinlock with an armtrap but Miz fights out with some left hands. Jericho bulldogs him down very quickly but the Lionsault hits knees. The Walls of Jericho can’t go on either so Miz takes out the knee. He can’t hook the Figure Four so Jericho fights for the Walls again. This time he manages to hook them but Miz crawls over to the ropes before falling to the floor. Jericho sends Miz flying into Barrett so the champion jumps Jericho for the DQ at 4:09.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the time to get anywhere and the ending was pretty clear for most of the match. The triple threat next week probably won’t be anything interesting but if it sets up an IC Title match for Wrestlemania I can’t say I’m complaining. It’s not like Barrett ever defends the thing.

Post match Barrett takes both finishers.

We get Ricardo and Alberto’s parody of Colter and Swagger’s videos.

We get a video from a Wrestlemania XI vignette which parodies NYPD Blue and has Bearer in drag, saying he has nothing to do with Yokozuna disappearing. A gong sounds, the lights go out, the lights come back on, Bearer is in a male suit. 1995 was weird.

Jack Swagger vs. Sin Cara

Before the match, Colter talks about how the fans are programmed to cheer for Sin Cara because of his entrance and the jumps he performs. Colter says Sin Cara is nothing but a sign of things that need to change. As the match starts we’re told that it’s a triple threat for the Intercontinental Title next week with Miz and Jericho challenging Barrett. Cara sends him to the floor to start and hits a big dive but might have hurt his shoulder. Apparently it wasn’t that bad as he charges back into the ring and fires off some kicks to Swagger, only to springboard into a kick to the ribs. The Patriot Lock ends this at 1:52.

Now we get an interview with Halle Berry about The Call. During the interview David Otunga calls her and tells her he may have given her phone number to someone who threatened him with violence. She hangs up and Kane calls her, asking why she doesn’t return his fan mail. Apparently Kane sent her a picture but she wasn’t impressed. She raises up her arms and makes fire come out of the ring posts behind Kane.

Ryback vs. Mark Henry on Smackdown.

CM Punk vs. Kane

No DQ here. Punk dives through the ropes to attack Kane to start but Kane comes back with an uppercut. He drops Punk throat first onto the barricade and loads up the announce table, only to have Punk hit Kane in the ribs with the ring bell. Back inside Punk shoves Kane off the top and hits the Macho Elbow for two before nailing the knee in the corner. Kane throws him over the top and we take a break at 11:05pm.

Back with Kane charging into a boot in the corner followed by Punk hitting a middle rope clothesline for two. Punk wedges a chair into the corner but Kane reverses a whip to send Punk into said chair. Kane goes to the floor and throws about four chairs into the ring before turning his attention back to Punk who is cowering in the corner. Back inside and Punk counters a chokeslam into a DDT onto a chair for two. The high kick blocks a chair shot but the Undertaker’s gong goes off, allowing Kane to chokeslam Punk for the pin at 12:00.

Rating: C. Not bad here but at the end of the day this match was WAY too late in the show to hold up. The ending was the right idea with Undertaker costing Punk a match to set up the Wrestlemania match a little bit more. That’s good, basic storytelling and the match is going to be awesome.

Undertaker and Kane do their kneeling salute to Bearer, but Punk hits Kane in the back with the urn over and over before leaving with it.

Overall Rating: B. This show did a lot for Wrestlemania, but at the same time the problem was how packed it was. There was no room to breathe on this show and it felt really long at about the two hour mark. I did like the stories being told and all the angle advancement we got, plus the Bearer stuff was very nice. Good but LONG show tonight.

Results

Big Show b. Seth Rollins via DQ when Shield interfered

Dolph Ziggler b. Daniel Bryan – Zig Zag

New Age Outlaws b. Rhodes Scholars via DQ when Brock Lesnar interfered

Mark Henry b. Kofi Kingston – World’s Strongest Slam

Ryback b. Heath Slater – Shell Shock

Alberto Del Rio b. Antonio Cesaro – Cross Armbreaker

Sheamus/Randy Orton b. Rhodes Scholars – Brogue Kick to Sandow

The Miz vs. Chris Jericho went to a no contest when Wade Barrett interfered

Jack Swagger b. Sin Cara – Patriot Lock

Kane b. CM Punk – Chokeslam

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania II
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, New York City, New York/Rosemont Horizon, Chicago, Illinois/Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 16,585 (New York), 9,000 (Chicago), 14,500 (Los Angeles), 40,085 (Total)
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Susan St. James, Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon, Cathy Lee Crosby, Alfred Hayes, Jesse Ventura, Elvira

This is one of those ideas that they tried once and only once before never thinking about doing it again. After the success of Wrestlemania, the idea was that Wrestlemania 2 had to be bigger, so Vince came up with the idea of splitting it into three cities. This show is widely considered to be one of if not the worst Wrestlemania of all time and with main events such as Piper vs. Mr. T. in a boxing match and Hogan vs. Bundy in a cage it’s not hard to see why. Let’s get to it.

This is on a Monday for some reason.

This was a tape I watched to death back when I was a kid so the theme music for this brings a smile to my face.

Vince opens things up in New York and introduces Susan St. James, a popular actress of the day, to be his co-commentator.

Ray Charles sings America the Beautiful.

Gene is in Chicago and welcomes us to the city for later on.

Roddy Piper and his trainer for the fight Lou Duva (famous boxing trainer) say Piper is ready. Piper promises to quit wrestling and boxing if he gets knocked out. He’ll also quick playing tiddlywinks and dating girls, but he’ll stick with Bob Orton of course. Those two spent WAY too much time together.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

This is fallout from the main event of Mania last year as Orndorff turned face due to Piper and Orton leaving him behind. Muraco is an associate of Piper so this is kind of a proxy feud for Paul. Muraco has Fuji with him too. Both guys say they’ll win in a voiceover as the match starts. Paul slams Muraco down to start and the crowd is already hot. Orndorff makes a slant eyes face at Fuji which today would get him thrown out of the company. In 1986, he was making $20,000 a week later in the year. It’s funny how times change.

Paul takes him down to the mat with an armbar as Susan St. James clearly has no idea what’s going on. She’s trying but this isn’t something she knows about at all it would seem. Paul cranks on a wristlock before going back down to the armbar. Susan: “He looks like he’s using some ancient Chinese techniques”. Uh…yeah. Muraco finally escapes and sends Paul into the corner, only to have Orndorff go off on him as they brawl to the floor. In something you won’t ever hear again I don’t think, the opening match of Wrestlemania goes to a double countout. The fans chant some expletives.

Rating: D. What do you want here? The match is four minutes long and ends in a double countout. It was hot while it lasted, but the problem is that it didn’t last long enough at all. This was a pretty big feud and it gets a four minute match? That’s all they can spare these guys? Orndorff would have a MEGA heel turn later in the summer which would eventually draw 74,000 people to an outdoor show in Toronto. That’s some drawing power.

Mr. T. says he doesn’t like to do a lot of talking before a fight before proceeding to talk more in 30 seconds than Goldberg said in his entire career. To show you the production values, he’s drowned out by Fink announcing the results of the previous match.

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

This was a pretty big feud that also wound up meaning a lot more the next year than it does here. The basic idea is that George is in love with Liz and doesn’t like how Savage treats her. There’s a great angle right there that hasn’t been used in a LONG time (Punk/AJ/Bryan isn’t the same thing). Savage in an inset interview babbles as only Savage can without saying anything of note.

Steele does a freaky kind of dance and Savage immediately bails to the floor. That works so well that they do it again and make it three times until FINALLY George chases after him. Steele catches Savage going back in and bites his calf before they head back in. Randy hits a running knee to the chest but Steele easily lifts him into the air and chokes him down. George gets caught looking at Liz though and is tied up in the ropes so Savage pounds away.

A top rope cross body gets two for the champ (Savage in case you’re really young) and Steele throws him to the floor. Randy slips under the ring and sneaks up on George, only to get bitten on the arm. Savage goes to the floor and finds….a bouquet of flowers? George shoves them into Randy’s face before going to eat a turnbuckle (don’t ask).

The stuffing goes into Savage’s face but Steele AGAIN gets distracted by Liz, allowing Savage to hit the ax handle to the back. Back in and Savage hits the slam and elbow for two. Wait what? This is 1986 and the SAVAGE ELBOW only gets two? Steele grabs Savage by the face and sends him into the corner, only to get tripped up and pinned with the feet on the ropes to retain the title.

Rating: C-. This is one of those matches where your individual taste is going to vary a lot. On one hand, it’s a comedy match but not an incredibly funny one, while on the other hand it’s terrible from a wrestling perspective. On the other hand, you have three hands and should see a surgeon immediately. The point is this wasn’t much of a match and never would have made it onto a modern Mania card. Of course it wouldn’t; the Intercontinental Title doesn’t exist around Wrestlemania time. Also, of all the people in the WWF, GEORGE STEELE gets to kick out of the elbow? REALLY? This was fun for the goofiness if nothing else.

Savage and Liz immediately bail so Steele eats another buckle.

Bill Fralic (a football player) and Big John Studd are both in a battle royal later today and they talk some trash, once again being drowned out by Fink.

Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes. Make your own jokes.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Wells is a former football player who never did another thing of note in wrestling other than be in this match. Jake is brand new at this point and is promptly run over and backdropped down in the first ten seconds. A flying shoulder takes Jake down and there’s a headbutt for good measure. Wells hits a decent flying headscissors followed by a slam for no cover. A knee lift has Jake draped in the ropes and a powerslam gets two. Roberts comes back with a poke to the eyes and a knee lift followed by the DDT for the fast pin. This was pretty much domination until the last ten seconds.

Jake wraps George up in the snake post match and makes Wells foam at the mouth.

We recap Piper vs. T which is allegedly based on a boxing match that happened in Phoenix, as apparently we’re ignoring ALL of the stuff from last year that set up the first Wrestlemania.

Hogan predicts T to win and says his ribs will be fine in the cage tonight.

We introduce the “celebrities.” First up is Joan Rivers as guest ring announcer, Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway and G. Gordon Liddy as guest judges and Herb from Burger King commercials (you won’t remember him) is guest timekeeper.

Roddy Piper vs. Mr. T.

This is a boxing match with ten three minute rounds. T has Joe Frazier as his trainer and the Haiti Kid to counter Orton. Piper is the aggressor to start as Vince calls T’s defensive stance a peek-a-boo style. Roddy grabs on the ropes and T fires away some body shots. These rounds might only be two minutes rounds. Piper takes him into the corner but T bobs and weaves before popping Roddy in the face a few times. It turns into another brawl on the ropes for the last thirty seconds or so of the round.

Everyone comes in to break up the brawl and we take a break between rounds. T gets in a few shots to the face to open round 2 but Piper apparently has a bunch of goo on his face. There’s an Orton/Piper joke in there somewhere. After the face gets cleaned off Piper starts pounding away and T is in trouble. I’ll change the numbers again because the rounds are indeed three minutes long. Piper gets him into the corner and pounds away, dropping him with a pair of shots to the head after about seven shots that missed BADLY. That gets an eight count and round 2 ends with T going down just after the bell.

Piper gets in a few cheap shots after the bell because that’s the kind of guy he is. We start round 3 with T firing away but they’re clearly getting tired. Piper goes down in his corner but pulls himself up before the count. T pounds him right back down in the corner and this time gets a seven count. This turns into move of a shoving match until T gets in a right hand to knock Piper out of the ring and out to the floor. Round 3 ends with nothing of note going on.

T talks trash in between rounds so Piper throws his stool across the ring as round 4 begins. They slug it out with T finally taking over. Piper DRILLS him with a right hand that knocks T’s mouthpiece out. T comes back with the same kind of a punch….and then Piper shoves the referee down and slams T for the DQ.

Rating: D. This was one of those things that everyone knew was going to be a disaster and the best chance they had was to make it goofy. Thankfully we’re talking about Roddy Piper in the 80s so you know he can bring the goofy. There were some decent punches in here but like all other wrestling boxing matches, you knew it would end with some sort of a DQ. This was pretty much it for Mr. T in the WWF other than a few cameos later on.

Off to Chicago!

Gene and Gorilla bring in Kathy Lee Crosby to do commentary.

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Moolah is defending of course and hits about five hair mares in a row to start things off. Velvet comes back with some one footed dropkicks before going up and missing a splash for Moolah to get the pin. This barely lasted 90 seconds which may have been due to McIntyre’s outfit breaking when she came off the ropes.

Corporal Kirchner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

This is a flag match which means a regular match where the winner gets to wave their flag. For some reason the ring is VERY loud all of a sudden. Kirchner is a guy you likely won’t have heard of but he’s famous for being VERY stiff which is why he wasn’t around long. Blassie is with Nikolai here and his man hits a spinning kick to start.

We head to the floor where Volkoff rams him into the post and cuts the Corporal open with a piece of razor that he immediately puts back down into his trunks. Blassie yells at Kirchner a bit before they head back inside. It’s a slugout but Blassie throws in his cane which goes upside Nikolai’s head for the pin. This was another very short match.

Gene takes over the ring announcing for the NFL/WWF battle royal. There are six football players and fourteen wrestlers. Dick Butkus is a guest referee.

Battle Royal

NFL: Jimbo Covert, Harvey Martin, Ernie Holmes, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, William Perry

WWF: Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bruno Sammartino, Jim Neidhart, Bret Hart

Perry is the hometown boy but once they said Andre’s name there was little doubt as to who was winning. Ernie Ladd jumps in on commentary as a former wrestler and football player. Andre chills in the corner and beats up anyone that comes near him. Perry gets ganged up on a few times in the corner but fights them off as Covert and Tonga go out. Francis goes after Andre like a crazy man and Holmes is gone.

The two giants go at it for a bit and Brunzell is gone. There’s never much to talk about in battle royals as most of it is just a bunch of brawls and the occasional elimination like Atlas going out here. Studd beats up Perry in the corner as Martin and Morales put each other out. Arcidi loads up Blair but Bruno makes the save for some reason. Not that it matters though as Arcidi is put out just a few seconds later. Spivey is gone as are Blair and Hillbilly. We’re down to about eight or so.

Fralic is dumped out by a bunch of people and Bruno backdrops Sheik out. Studd dumps Bruno and we’re down to Andre, Studd, Francis, Perry and the Harts. Perry shrugs off both Harts and sends them to the apron for the biggest pop of the night. He starts firing off tackles at Studd before running into an elbow for the elimination. Perry offers a handshake but pulls Studd out to the floor to another big pop. The Harts get Andre tied in the ropes and easily dump Francis. They pound away on Andre a bit but the big man is like dude please. He grabs Neidhart by the beard and kicks him out before tossing Bret on Anvil to win.

Rating: D. This was another pretty lame match with the football players not being able to do much due to not being wrestlers. Perry was incredibly popular and got a great reaction from the crowd, but other than him the NFL guys didn’t add anything at all here. Andre winning was the only logical choice and there’s not much else to say here.

Vince and Susan talk to Piper in New York and of course he says he’s awesome and didn’t lose at all.

Back in Chicago Jimbo Covert says he got cheated by Fralic. Iron Sheik says he’s proven wrestlers are better than football players.

We look at the end of the battle royal again.

Tag Titles: Dream Team vs. British Bulldogs

The Dream Team is Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine and they’re defending. For absolutely no apparent reason, the Bulldogs have Ozzy freaking Osbourne in their corner. Smith and Valentine start things off with Davey pounding away in the corner. Off to a wristlock before Dynamite comes in to send Valentine into the buckle for two. There’s the snap suplex for no cover and it’s back to Davey for the delayed vertical.

Greg gets in a few shots in the corner including a forearm to the back to take over and finally bring in Brutus. He cranks on the arm and is immediately gorilla pressed down by Smith. Dynamite comes in again and gets two off a small package. Beefcake makes a blind tag though and Valentine comes in off the top via another forearm to the back and the champions take over. Kid comes right back and pounds away before bringing Smith back in.

The Bulldogs hit a double headbutt for two for Kid but Brutus comes in sans tag to switch momentum right back. Valentine gets two off a kneeling piledriver but falls victim to the Arn Anderson self-crotching mistake. He continues the Horsemen theme by going up top and getting slammed down ala Flair as everything breaks down. Dynamite gets sent to the floor so Smith comes in with the powerslam (not yet the finisher) for two on Valentine.

Davey misses a charges into the post though and his shoulder is hurt in a hurry. Brutus comes in to work over the arm and hits a kind of hammerlock slam. Valentine hits a shoulderbreaker but pulls up before covering. In a VERY sudden ending, Dynamite gets on the top rope while still illegal and Davey rams Valentine’s head into that of Dynamite for the pin and the title.

Rating: B. It’s not a great or even a very good match but after nearly two hours of lame wrestling with nothing matches, this was a great breath of fresh air. The Bulldogs would be champions for the better part of a year while the Dream Team would survive for another year before splitting at the next Wrestlemania. Good stuff here though.

Both sets of announcers talk about the title change. I’ll give the female celebrities this: they sound like they’re enjoying themselves and they’re trying at least.

Off to Los Angeles.

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Lee Marshall of non-fame in WCW is the announcer. This was supposed to be Steamboat vs. Hart but WWF saw more star power in Hernandez. This wasn’t their best time from a thinking standpoint. Hercules pounds on him to start but Steamboat goes to the arm as is his custom. A kick to the ribs puts Hernandez down and it’s off to an armbar. Back up and Steamboat does some leapfrogs before elbowing Herc down.

We head to the armbar again until Hernandez rams him into the buckle and hits a clothesline to take Steamboat down. A hot shot has Steamboat in trouble again but he comes back with a failed slam attempt that gives Hercules two. A pair of elbows get two more due to a very lazy cover. Hercules hits a tilt-a-whirl slam for two and there’s a gorilla press slam to go with it. Make it a pair of gorilla presses but Hernandez’s splash hits knees, allowing Ricky to hit the top rope cross body for the pin.

Rating: C-. Very basic match here with power vs. speed, although most of the speed guy’s offense involved an armbar. That’s something you have to get used to in Steamboat matches though so it’s not a disappointment or anything. The match itself was pretty dull stuff but Steamboat in the 80s is never a bad thing.

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

We hit the stereotypes now the gay character vs. the hillbilly character. Elmer, weighing roughly 450lbs, runs off Adonis and Jimmy Hart before the match and we get a good shot of Adrian’s pink dress. We finally get inside and Elmer starts pounding away before sending Adonis into the corner for a Flair Flip. Adrian gets sent into the corner two more times in a row with the second time landing him on the floor. Back in and there goes the dress as Adrian gets tied up in the ropes. A single punch to the chest puts Elmer down but he comes back with a corner splash, only to miss the big leg drop. A top rope headbutt gives Adrian a pin.

Rating: D-. What are you expecting here? We’ve got REALLY basic gimmicks (although Adonis wasn’t bad in his day) in a three minute match involving a man wearing a dress. This is what you call filler, albeit terrible filler. Elmer wouldn’t ever really do much in the WWF but he was a pretty big deal in the indies.

Adonis puts a flower on Elmer’s back post match.

We get Hogan’s second promo of the show with him saying he’s ready for Bundy and he begs Heenan to get involved.

Funk Brothers vs. Junkyard Dog vs. Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana

It’s Terry and Hoss here, with the latter being more famous as Dory Jr. Hoss and Dog start things off with JYD sending one Funk into another and slamming them both down before the Funks head to the floor for a breather. Off to Tito vs. Terry for a bit now and it’s a short bit as Terry gets clotheslined to the floor. Hoss takes a dropkick to send him out to be with his brother and the heels huddle on the floor again. Oh and they have Jimmy Hart too.

Back to the Dog vs.. Terry and they slug it out with Dog taking over. JYD rams Terry into the buckle so many times that the pad starts to come off. Terry gets thrown to the unpadded floor yet again and it’s back to Hoss. Tito comes in as well and Hoss fires off the famous Funk forearms. Speaking of forearms, the flying variety takes Hoss down and the Funks head to the floor again.

Hoss gets back in for a crisscross with Terry hitting Tito in the back with a knee to take over. Tito gets knocked to the floor and JYD has to chase Jimmy off a few times before throwing Santana back in. Terry gets two off a suplex and argues with the referee a bit before getting suplexed himself. They hit the ropes and collide but Terry falls into his own corner to bring in Hoss. The Funks hit a double clothesline which gets two for Terry who is getting frustrated.

Santana finally slides between Terry’s legs and makes the hot tag to JYD. We prove we’re in the 80s with a double noggin knocker to both of the Funks and a punch sends Hoss to the outside. Terry has a rope from somewhere as everything breaks down. JYD throws Terry to the floor and slams him on a table for good measure. Terry’s knee is hurt and he can’t stand up but he gets back inside anyway as Jimmy gets decked. Everything breaks down again and Tito puts Hoss in the Figure Four but Terry blasts Dog in the head with the megaphone for the pin.

Rating: B-. I’ve said before that the 1980s were the best era ever for tag wrestling and this show proves it again. Most of the show hasn’t been all that great but the tag matches have been by far the best matches on the card. This was a fun and WILD match but not to the point where you couldn’t keep track of what was going on. Good stuff here and after two boring matches in the LA section this was a good match to pick things up.

We set up the cage, which is the big blue kind for the first time ever.

Hogan is lifting weights with bad ribs and we recap Hogan vs. Bundy. On SNME, Hogan defended the title against Don Muraco and after the match, Bundy ran in and destroyed Hogan with a bunch of splashes to injure the ribs. The doctor says Hogan shouldn’t be doing this, so Hulk does chinups with a 100lb weight around his neck.

Heenan and Bundy say they’re going to take the title from Hogan.

Elvira sends it to New York for comments from Susan and Vince.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Escape only here, as it should be. Tommy Lasorda of the LA Dodgers is guest ring announcer. Ricky Schroder, a child actor, is guest timekeeper and Robert Conrad, an adult actor, is guest referee. Hogan starts firing off right hands to start and knocks Bundy into the cage before choking Bundy with his own singlet. The following clothesline in the corner has Bundy in even more trouble and a forearm to the head staggers him even more. All Hogan so far.

Both guys block shots into the cage but King goes to the ribs to stop Hogan cold. There’s a slam to mess with the ribs even more and Bundy goes for the door. You know it’s not ending that fast though so Bundy comes back to choke with the tape a bit. Another attempt to escape goes about as well and Hulk comes back with an elbow in the corner. Bundy gets rammed into the cage to bust him open and Hogan rakes his back a bit. More cage ramming occurs and Hulk climbs to the top to choke away on the ropes.

Hogan goes for the slam but Bundy falls down onto him as you would expect him to. Bundy goes to the door but Hulk grabs him for some choking with the rib tape. The Avalanche splash hits in the corner and a regular one hits as well so Hogan can shake like a fish. Hogan dives to stop Bundy from getting out but takes another Avalanche….with no effect whatsoever. The champion busts out a powerslam of all things and easily climbs out to retain.

Rating: D. It’s Hogan vs. a monster in 1986 so what in the world were you expecting to see here? At the end of the day this was the safe move but with all of the other heels on the roster, this is the best they could come up with? I mean, you have Savage, Piper or even Roberts to be in there, but you pick Bundy? It’s not like this was some huge feud as the SNME that set this up was five weeks before this show. I’ve heard that Vince was trying desperately to get Nikita Koloff to jump and be in the main event but when they fell through, they picked a monster instead. Eh when all else fails, go with the safe pick.

Hogan beats up Heenan to close the show.

Overall Rating: D. This is a tough one to grade for the same reason that I don’t consider it the worst Mania ever: it was the second one and they had NO idea what they were doing here. The main thing that helps this show is that while most of the matches are worthless, they’re FAST. Of all the non-tag matches, only the cage match and the boxing match break ten minutes and the cage match does so by about 15 seconds. It’s certainly not a good show and if this happened today Vince would be jumping off a building, but for its time this wasn’t completely terrible.

Ratings Comparison

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

Original: D+

Redo: D

Randy Savage vs. George Steele

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

Original: F

Redo: D+

Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper

Original: F

Redo: D

Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Corporal Kirschner vs. Nikolai Volkoff

Original: D-

Redo: N/A

Battle Royal

Original: B

Redo: D

British Bulldog vs. Dream Team

Original: B-

Redo: B

Rick Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

Original: C-

Redo: C-

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Original: N/A

Redo: D-

Terry Funk/Hoss Funk vs. Tito Santana/Junkyard Dog

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

Original: B-

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D+

Redo: D

Dang those must have been the strong rose colored glasses back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/09/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-2-what-the-hell-were-they-thinking/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Saturday Night’s Main Event 20
Date: March 11, 1989
Location: Hersheypark Arena, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

We close it out with this. This would be the go home show for Mania 5. The Mega Powers have officially split and tonight Liz has to pick one of them. I feel like I’m on Springer or something. We also have Hogan vs. Bad News Brown which is kind of a controversial match as it more or less caused Brown to realize he was never going to be a main event guy. He wound up leaving a year and a half later but this was kind of the first straw. Other than that we have nothing of note, so let’s get to it.

We recap the Mega Powers breaking up about a month or so ago and the show is titled the Decision of a Lifetime.

Jesse sort of takes over the intro and sends us to Gene which makes Vince upset.

Bobby says he wants to get rid of Beefcake to protect the image of Rude.

Beefcake threatens to cut Rude’s hair.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Rick Rude

This is like the dream match of the 80s midcard. I mean think about it: these two were the guys that were always dominating either side of the midcard and yet they never got a huge feud together which is a shame. Rude has Warrior’s face on his tights, which I guess means the feud hadn’t started yet since Jesse isn’t sure why it’s there. Beefcake gets the sleeper early but lets it go for no apparent reason. I guess you can chalk it up to a lack of intelligence.

Ok so apparently Rude vs. Warrior is already set. Rude takes over for a little while and here comes Andre, perhaps looking for a hot sandwich or maybe a side of beef. I love Rude’s overselling of atomic drops. Andre gets Brutus on the floor and chokes him. Cue Jake for the run-in and the natural DQ. John Studd, who would ultimately referee Andre vs. Roberts, makes the save.

Rating: D+. This never really went anywhere as it just couldn’t get off the ground. The whole run in ending didn’t help this either. There was no real structure and definitely no story going on in it. I really would have liked to see a long program from these guys but alas it never happened.

Hogan says he’ll win.

Brown says Hogan needs to worry about Savage. There’s also a hint of Liz sleeping with Tunney for helping Savage. That went nowhere.

Hogan says stuff about Savage.

Hulk Hogan vs. Bad News Brown

Liz is with Hogan. The arena is weird looking as there’s no entryway but rather what looks like a hockey board that they open up. Brown takes over to start as is the tradition for a lot of Hogan matches. This only lasts a few minutes as I’m amazed at what Brown was back in this era. If he had been around say 8 years later, he would have been pure gold. Hogan goes to the head but it doesn’t work, making me really wonder how many of these stereotypes were unintentional.

Brown accidentally punches the post and this has been pretty one sided so far with Hogan dominating for the most part. Hogan no sells a chair shot and Brown leaves, saying hang on a second. He comes back shortly….with a broom? It goes nowhere and Brown FINALLY takes over with a clothesline. Brown gets a legdrop for two but it’s only kind of a power kickout.

Hogan gets beaten up and then Brown grabs the mic and goes Rock, talking to Hogan and telling him it’s Ghetto Blaster (his finisher, a running enziguri) time which of course misses. Maybe it would have hit if he hadn’t told him that. Hogan hits a high knee to set up the leg drop to end it. Well that’s different. He and Liz pose a lot.

Rating: C+. Not bad at all here. Again, Brown was an AWESOME character and could have been a great heel both here and ten years later. Him vs. Rock or Austin would have sold great and the fact that he was a legit fighter (Bronze medal in judo in the Olympics) would have easily opened the door to MMA if he wanted to go there. Decent little match and different than what you’re used to from Hulk which is a nice change of pace.

Savage wants Liz’s answer.

Ted DiBiase unveils the Million Dollar Belt.

Blazer says he’s going to fly, even from the rafters if he has to. Hokey smoke.

Ted DiBiase vs. Blue Blazer

Blazer is a kind of superhero character played by Owen Hart. Blazer backflips into the ring and DiBiase just drills him with a clothesline. This is more or less DiBiase being his usual awesome self and Blazer trying to get out of the blocks. He manages to land on his feet coming out of a backdrop which was very nice. Cross body gets two and DiBiase is in trouble. In a very quick ending, Blazer is dominating but gets caught in a powerslam for the pin.

Rating: B-. Given that this was less than four minutes long, this was very good. Owen had a knack for fast matches that only went a few minutes and making them awesome. This was a great example of that as in less than four minutes there are two distinct advantages and then an ending which makes sense for the match as Blazer said he would go higher and higher but DiBiase caught him going too high and got the win because of it. And that my friends, is why DiBiase was one of the best ever as far as psychology goes.

Liz comes out for the announcement and cops out by saying she’ll be in both. At first she says no about Hogan so Savage comes out and is a jerk, so of course she says no to him too. Savage’s insanity was just perfect, especially since he could more than back it up in the ring. Hogan comes out and we have the big standoff with Liz in the middle. It’s still an awesome visual to see this showdown. If Savage had held the belt at Mania, the rematch could have drawn MILLIONS.

Quick cameo: Pat Patterson (with BLACK hair) stops Savage from going insane. Well more insane I guess.

Heenan is tired of the Rockers and the Brainbusters are going to win the titles. Odd that the last show was their exit and this is their (TV) debut.

The Rockers, also in their national TV debut, say they’ll steal the show.

Brainbusters vs. Rockers

Slingshot suplex is countered maybe 2 seconds in. This is insanity from the get go. Shawn nips up and catches Arn coming off the top. Just incredibly fast paced stuff here with Shawn and Tully putting on a clinic out there. One of the reasons the Brainbusters were awesome was that they could wrestle absolutely any style from fast to slow to ground to aerial to submission to brawling or whatever. Heenan pulls the top rope down and Shawn goes over so Brain is tossed.

After a break the Busters get a blind tag and Arn drills Jannetty to take over for his team. Marty gets beaten down for a little while but the hot tag to Shawn evens things out all over again. It falls apart and Shawn freaking DIVES over the ropes to get at Arn, throwing punches as he goes down. It’s a double count out but that’s fine as neither team should lose here.

Rating: B. I really liked this and thought about going a bit higher. This was a very fast paced match and a way to show off both of these teams for how awesome they really were. The Rockers would remain awesome for a good while as would the Busters. How did the Rockers never officially win the tag belts? It’s saying a lot that the Harts and other teams were that much better.

We recap Red Rooster turning face with even less people caring somehow. This led to the Brooklyn Brawler joining the Heenan Family in one of the funniest backhanded compliments ever. Heenan picked him to push against Rooster because he could take anyone and make them as good as he made Rooster. In other words, no talent required!

Heenan says Brawler is a bigger and better nobody than Rooster. This was probably a rib somehow but it was great.

Rooster says he’s a somebody. And he’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and doggone it, people like him.

Red Rooster vs. Brooklyn Brawler

The match starts while we’re in a break and it’s a squash. It’s a minute long and Rooster wins with a small package. I think that’s longer than the “blowoff” of Rooster vs. Heenan at Mania.

Savage is ticked off and says he doesn’t need Liz to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This is a fairly high grade but this was a good show. Four matches and a minute long whatever with some nice build to Mania thrown in. What more can you ask for, including a rather good tag match. This worked all around and is a great way to cap off this series. This was kind of a weird time for the company as Mania 5 kind of sucked but better days were coming. Good way to close this out though.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This was a big story last night and deserves a bit more attention.First and foremost, I did like the end result of last night’s show.  Having Ray be revealed as the President of Aces and 8’s was the right move and was one of the few places they could go to extend the life of the whole stupid angle.  Ray screwing over the Hogans for the sake of winning the world title with it being a plan all along was perfectly logical as it’s Ray’s nature to be a self serving jerk.  The lines of “I used you and I screwed you” and “D-Von let her cry” were straight MONEY.  Also, IT ISN’T BISCHOFF.

However this doesn’t solve everything.  At the end of the day, Aces and 8’s have still been the most inept stable of the last like…..ever.  They never win anything of note and they lost again last night in their other big match.  Also, Ray is now basically the leader of the Eight Stooges.  They’re still a bunch of losers and you can’t use the logic of “now that they have a leader” because Ray has clearly been the leader for months.  Oh and one more thing: why did Ray give Hardy a chain?  I know he had everything in hand, but it was still an unneeded risk.

As for where this is going now, it appears that we’re headed for either Hogan or Sting vs. Ray at Slammiversary before we get to presumably AJ or Storm taking the title at Bound For Glory.  If we have to get one of those matches, Sting is BY FAR the better option, as he can at least, you know, move.  There are some other downsides to this development also.

Above all else, it means Brooke talking.  The story continues to be mainly about them rather than ANYONE else and Brooke just isn’t interesting at all.  She’s annoying, she’s whiny, she’s not talented, and she’s on TV more than any other female in the company.  Also I don’t really want to spend the next few months hearing about how Aces and 8’s are taking over and all that jazz.  The last thing we need is another corporate takeover angle.  Having them be the dominant faction is fine, but we don’t need another takeover.  It’s been done WAY too many times.

 

Overall, it’s good but it doesn’t solve all of Aces and 8’s problems, nor does it make up for the months and months of terrible stuff.

Lockdown 2013
Date: March 10, 2013
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Todd Keneley, Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second of four pay per views of the year for TNA and arguably their second biggest show of the year period. The main events tonight are Jeff Hardy defending the world title against Bully Ray inside a cage along with Lethal Lockdown pitting Team TNA against Aces and 8’s. The main question is will we find out who is really behind the bikers tonight as we’ve been waiting for nine months now. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about the history between Hardy and Ray and how many matches they’ve had against each other, with none being bigger than tonight. We also hear about Angle vs. Brisco and D’Lo Brown being revealed as the VP of Aces and 8’s.

X-Division Title: Kenny King vs. Christian York vs. Zema Ion

King is defending. York knocks the champion down to start before clotheslining Ion down as well. King goes to the floor to let the other guys fight, only to have York dive out onto him, ramming King into the barricade. Ion loads up a dive of his own but runs into a boot from York. King tries to use Ion’s body as a springboard but slips off and rams his head into the guardrail in a SCARY looking landing. Ion dives on both York and King anyway before heading back inside with York.

Thankfully King is still alive and comes back in to break up a York cover before pounding away on Christian in the corner. Ion is down on the floor as York chops away at King, only to be poked in the eye. Zema comes back in with a quick rana off the top rope for two on York. A moonsault gets the same result and Ion is frustrated.

York hits a quick legdrop on King for two but Ion baseball slides King to the floor. A slingshot into a DDT gets two on York for Ion as King gets back in. Ion is sent out to the entrance ramp where King drops a leg to keep him down. York pulls Ion back inside for two and all three men are back inside. King loads up a top rope fallaway slam on Ion, only to have York add a powerbomb to make it a Tower of Doom. Christian gets control by hammering away on all three guys, including a suplex on King for no cover.

The Mood Swing neckbreaker gets two on Ion for York and a Capo Kick sends King into the corner. In an interesting combo, York DDTs King as Ion neckbreakers York, with Zema getting two on both guys. York hits a top rope double stomp to Ion’s back and a corner roll at King. Kenny comes back with a kick to Ion’s head but York rolls through the Royal Flush for two. Not that it matters as another attempt at the Flush ends York to retain the title at 11:10.

Rating: C. This was good, but at the same time it came off much more like a collection of spots rather than a coherent match. I’m not wild on matches like that, especially when there are that many botches. The one with King at the beginning was scary with him slipping down and nearly breaking his neck in the process. That’s scary stuff.

Joseph Park talks about being ribbed by the fans when Bad Influence comes in, saying Dixie Carter wants to talk to him in catering. Park leaves so Daniels and Kaz say they’re here to win the titles, insisting that they’re not jokes.

Joseph Park vs. Joey Ryan

Before the match, Ryan makes fat jokes about Park and calls him a mark. Ryan says he himself has the size advantage where it matters though. Park says San Antonio rocks and talks about singing karaoke on the River Walk (San Antonio tourist attraction). Ryan runs at him to start but gets caught in an armdrag followed by some chops in the corner. Joey comes back with a middle rope cross body but literally bounces off Park’s chest.

Ryan finally takes Park down and pounds away as the fans are all behind Park here. The match slows down a lot as Ryan slowly pounds away until he hits a missile dropkick for no cover. Park comes back by ripping Joey’s chest hair out and pulling Ryan’s trunks up very hard. A corner splash sets up a middle rope splash but Joey rolls away. Joey tries a sunset flip out of the corner but Park sits on his chest for the pin at 6:05.

Rating: D. This was your standard comedy match minus the comedy. Ryan hasn’t been on TV for months now and it’s pretty easy to see why here. There’s nothing to him at all and he’s very boring in the ring. His character is fine on paper but there’s nothing in the ring to back it up.

We see Jeff Hardy arriving earlier.

Bully and Brooke are in the back and Bully is nervous about the main event. Hulk comes in and Brooke leaves. Hogan says tonight the company could launch to the next level and while Jeff has been good for the time being, Ray could be the launch point to the next level. As for Brooke, Hulk is so glad Bully has made her happy again and he can’t thank Bully enough. Hulk says he wants Ray to win tonight and Ray says he will. Ray promises people will make them remember him tonight.

Knockouts Title: Gail Kim vs. Velvet Sky

Velvet is defending. Feeling out process to start until the champion hooks a flying headscissors to put Gail down. A neckbreaker gets two for Velvet and she sends Gail to the floor. Back inside Kim gets a quick rollup for two and there’s a running shoulder to the champion’s ribs. Gail gets her in a fireman’s carry and slams her down for two before arguing with referee Terryn Terell. An attempt at a headscissors out of the corner is easily countered by Velvet into a mat slam for no cover.

Some clotheslines and elbows put Kim down again as does a bulldog. A reverse DDT gets two for Velvet and Gail is staggered. As she gets up she grabs Terell, allowing Gail to hit Eat Defeat for two. Gail shoves Terryn in the corner before slapping her, begging to be disqualified. Instead Terryn spears Gail down and beats her up, allowing Velvet to hit In Yo Face for the pin at 7:38.

Rating: D. I do not like women’s wrestling. Terrell looks GREAT in the little black shorts and that’s all I’ve got here. Oh and Gail Kim is perhaps the least interesting human being on the face of this planet. Therefore, let’s make sure to push her to the freaking moon and back for years on end.

Robbie E complains about Robbie T holding him down for two years. Tonight, Robbie is going to make his former bro his ho.

We recap Robbie E vs. Robbie T, which comes down to Robbie T getting tired of Robbie E abusing him, making tonight about revenge.

Robbie E vs. Robbie T

Robbie E wants a timeout to start and there’s a hug attempt. Robbie T doesn’t seem interested and shoves E down with ease. E does some stretches in the corner before trying a headlock. That goes very badly for E and a one handed top wristlock puts E down. A single leg takedown doesn’t work at all so T launches him up into the air. T grabs him by the throat but E slaps his way out of it. E grabs a fast armbar before hooking a sleeper. T finally breaks the hold and catches E’s cross body with ease. A fireman’s carry into a spinebuster ends E at 5:50.

Rating: D+. This was what it was supposed to be but it doesn’t make for a good match. T has never been great but instead of being a comedy guy, he should be allowed to be a monster as he always should have been. Also thankfully this time there’s no Orlando Jordan for a stupid feud to derail any momentum he gets going.

Aries says he’s ready to go tonight without Bobby Roode…but here’s Bobby Roode so they’ll be ok tonight.

Tag Titles: Bad Influence vs. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Bobby Roode/Austin Aries

Roode and Aries are defending. It’s Chavo vs. Daniels to start things off with Daniels running him over early on. A backdrop puts Daniels down and everything breaks down, resulting in Hernandez and Chavo clearing the ring. Hernandez is in legally now against Daniels and there’s an overhead belly to belly to put Daniels down. Off to Chavo for a seated dropkick to Daniels before Kaz comes in to get beaten down as well.

Back to Hernandez who gets two off a splash on Kaz. A Daniels distraction allows Kazarian to hit a missile dropkick to take Hernandez down and Bad Influences double teams the big man (Hernandez) for a bit. Aries breaks up a pin attempt before Hernandez counters a double suplex into one of his own, putting down both members of Bad Influence. Off to Chavo again for Three Amigos on all four opponents in a cool visual.

Things settle down again with Daniels pounding away on Chavo. Kazarian comes in to take over but Roode tags himself in, bringing in the champions for the first time. Roode and Aries double team Chavo down with a double suplex, drawing in Bad Influence for the save. Roode fires away some shoulders into the ribs of Chavo before Aries hits a dropkick to the back for two.

Roode launches Chavo into the corner via a catapult but Chavo punches Aries in the air in a nice counter. A double clothesline puts Roode and Chavo down, but Chavo can’t make the hot tag to SuperMex. Chavo and Hernandez are sent to the floor, causing a fourway brawl between the other guys in the match. We wind up with Aries and Kaz who both try cross bodies to put them both down. Chavo hits a top rope cross body on both guys, followed by a double clothesline from Hernandez. Aries is LAUNCHED into the air and down to the mat with a thud before another double clothesline takes down Aries and Kaz.

Hernandez hits a double backbreaker on Aries and Kaz, getting a double countout on Austin. A big shoulder block puts Aries down but Daniels hits an STO on Hernandez to take him down. Roode hits the release Rock Bottom on Daniels but Kaz takes him down with a slingshot DDT. Fade to Black is escaped though and there’s the spinebuster from Roode to Kaz.

Daniels and Roode slug it out but Hernandez takes both guys down with a dive from the ramp to the ring. Daniels is caught in an Alpha Bomb from Hernandez but Kaz breaks up Chavo’s frog splash. Aries shoves Kaz off the top and ranas himself and SuperMex to the floor. Daniels tries a superplex on Chavo but gets shoved down, allowing for a top rope splash, but Roode tagged himself in and steals the pin to retain at 17:22.

Rating: B. As usual these matches have no build to them but they wind up being the most entertaining matches on the card. TNA has gotten really good at this formula and Bad Influence is especially awesome at them. The match was the usual entertaining stuff here but I’d like a story and some fresh blood soon.

We look at the Knockouts Title match again with Terrell getting involved.

Terrell is in the back and says she made a judgment call when Gail jumps her and a brawl breaks out.

The cage is being set up.

Slammiversary is in Boston.

D’Lo Brown says Doc is starting Lethal Lockdown.

Angle says he’s beating up Brisco tonight.

We recap Angle vs. Brisco. Wes Brisco was mentored by Angle but now wants to prove that the Brisco Family is better than Kurt Angle. Brisco is also in Aces and 8’s.

Kurt Angle vs. Wes Brisco

You can win by pin, submission or escape. Kurt suplexes him down to start before Wes comes back with shoulders in the corner. Wes tries to escape but gets suplexed out of the corner with ease. Angle pounds away but misses a charge in the corner, ramming his head into the cage. Wes pounds away and puts on a chinlock before Angle fires off some elbows to the ribs to escape. That gets him nowhere though as Wes flapjacks him down for two.

Brisco charges into a boot in the corner and there’s a missile dropkick from Angle for two. Angle starts firing off clotheslines and suplexes before slamming Wes into the cage. Now it’s time for Rolling Germans with Angle not letting go no matter what. Angle goes up but a top rope splash misses, allowing Wes to take over with right hands.

The Angle Slam out of nowhere puts Wes down but Brisco starts crawling for the door. Angle pulls him back in with the ankle lock but Wes rolls him through into the cage. Brisco tries to climb out but Angle catches him on the top. They slug it out on the top rope with Angle slamming Wes’ head into the cage over and over again. Angle busts out a German off the top rope to put both guys down again.

Wes escapes the Angle Slam and Kurt accidentally clotheslines the referee. There’s the ankle lock with a grapevine to make Wes tap but there’s no referee. Angle hits another Angle Slam and flips Brisco off before escaping the cage. There’s still no referee though but D’Lo Brown runs out and rams Kurt into the cage and throws him back in. Wes escapes the cage and wins at 11:58.

Rating: C+. In less than twelve minutes, Brisco showed me more than Garrett Bischoff has in the last year and a half. The match itself was good because that’s what Angle does, but the ending was pretty easy to guess, especially given the stuff that happened on Thursday. Again though, it’s still D’Lo Brown which brings things down for me.

We recap the entire history of Aces and 8’s which is a very long story to say the least. Basically they’re at war against Sting and Hogan for no apparent reason and after nine months, we’re going into Lethal Lockdown with TNA vs. Aces and 8’s.

Lethal Lockdown

TNA: Sting, Magnus, Samoa Joe, Eric Young, James Storm

Aces and 8’s: Mr. Anderson, D-Von, Doc, Mike Knux, Garrett Bischoff

This has some interesting rules. Two men (Anderson and Magnus) start things off and fight for three minutes. After those three minutes, Aces and 8’s (they won a series of matches on Thursday) get a man advantage for two minutes. Then TNA sends in its second man to even it up for two minutes. Aces and 8’s then get another advantage for two more minutes. They alternate until everyone is in and then it’s one fall to a finish.

Magnus pounds Anderson down in the corner to start before hitting a clothesline. Anderson sends him into the cage though to take over as we have less than a minute before someone else comes in. Off to a chinlock by Anderson to kill the time until Knux makes it 2-1. Also remember that the match can’t end until all ten men are in the match. A sidewalk slam and legdrop floor Magnus as this is one sided so far.

Samoa Joe is in to tie things up and TNA takes over for a bit. The former tag champions continue to work well together by taking the bikers apart. Anderson and Knux are beaten down until Garrett Bischoff comes in to make it 3-2. The fans tell Garrett that he can’t wrestle as Magnus and Joe beat him up as well. Anderson and Knux finally get up and save their partner as Eric Young is in to make it 3-3. Oh wait he has to strip first.

As is the case with every other period, the team with the latest man in takes over. D-Von is in to make it 4-3 Aces and 8’s and the numbers game takes over for the bikers again. Joe fights back with some palm shots to Anderson in the corner but D-Von knocks him down again to take over. The fans want Sting but they get James Storm instead. Storm cleans house with Closing Times and Last Calls but they don’t mean much at this point.

House continues to be cleaned until Doc is in to round out Aces and 8’s. Doc takes over for Team TNA with his power stuff and the match slows down a lot. Here’s Sting with two garbage cans full of weapons to finalize things, meaning it’s now one fall to a finish. Team TNA takes over with a bunch of weapon shots as I guess there’s no roof this year for a change. It’s all Team TNA at this point as the match slows down a bit. Garrett Bischoff gets worn out by Joe via a trashcan.

Sting holds Anderson for Young but Young almost hits Sting by mistake. The break lets the bikers take over with Doc chokeslamming Young. Magnus and Storm come back to take over, sending Garrett running to the top of the cage. They chase after him, resulting in I think Doc and Knux making the save. Joe powerbombs ALL FIVE GUYS down in a big Tower of Doom before putting Anderson in an STF but Doc makes the save. TNA takes over again with Sting hitting the Death Drop on Knox, but he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Young to the top of the cage for an elbow drop for the pin at 26:27.

Rating: B. The problem of the ring being too small to hold ten guys still exists, but as someone with a bad fear of heights I’m very glad to see them not have the roof on the cage. It’s a risk they just don’t need to take and the Tower of Doom spot was more than able to make up for it. Very solid match here but Aces and 8’s continue to fall further into the abyss.

The announcers bicker a bit.

Jeff Hardy is a 51-49% favorite to win the main event via a fan poll.

We recap the main event, which is based on the history these two have and Ray wanting to finally win the big one on his own.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray

In the cage of course with Hardy defending. Tenay says Ray has a 50+ pound weigh advantage about a minute after Ray is announced at 275 to Hardy’s 227. Feeling out process to start with Ray running Hardy over with a hard shoulder. A quick slam gets two for Ray and the champion bails to the corner. Hardy fights back with the Whisper in the Wind for two but can’t escape as Ray rams Hardy’s leg into the cage.

Ray starts a slow and methodical offense by working over the champion’s ribs and back. A big backdrop gets two for Ray but Jeff gets in a shot to earn himself a breather. The Twist and the Bubba Bomb are both countered but the second attempt at the Twist of Fate connects. Cue Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff into the cage but Jeff and Bully run them over. Bully lets himself be a springboard for Poetry in Motion before throwing both bikers out.

They slug it out in the middle of the ring with Jeff actually taking over. A flying forearm takes Bully down and there’s a low dropkick for two. Hardy tries to climb out but Ray makes the save and they slug it out on the top rope. Hardy kicks Ray in the head but falls to the mat, allowing Ray to fall off the top onto Jeff for a VERY close two. The Twist staggers Bully but as Jeff goes up, Ray hits a HUGE sitout powerbomb out of the corner to put both guys down.

Ray covers for two and the fans are split. Cue the Hogans to watch the main event from ringside to cheer on Bully. Ray gets to his feet very slowly but here are Aces and 8’s. Ray stands up and has a chain as the bikers come in. To the shock of not many people, Ray is thrown a hammer by D-Von and clubs down Jeff to win the title, revealing himself as the leader at 17:20.

Rating: B-. That powerbomb alone was worth the whole match. The ending isn’t really all that surprising but at least Aces and 8’s have FINALLY done something of note. Bully Ray as world champion of a major company in 2013 is a huge gamble to say the least, but it appears that we’re heading to Hogan vs. Ray down the line. To call that a gamble is an even shorter stretch but it’s what we appear to be getting.

Ray demands that his hand be raised post match as the Hogans are all sad. He yells at Brooke and calls her nothing while telling Hulk that he’s a worthless old man. Ray says he used the Hogans and trash is thrown into the ring. He admits that he’s the President of the Aces and 8’s and that he’s world champion. The Dudleys embrace end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. The problem for this show is that out of eight matches, four of them were as worthless as you can get. The first hour or so of this show did nothing at all and I was bored out of my mind for a lot of it. The good thing is that the other four matches were all quite good and the ending was a nice surprise, especially given that I didn’t know what to expect for the most part. Good show here for the most part, but the lower card is a death trap right now.

Results

Kenny King b. Zema Ion and Christian York – Royal Flush to York

Joseph Park b. Joey Ryan – Seated Senton

Velvet Sky b. Gail Kim – In Yo Face

Robbie T b. Robbie E – Spinebuster

Austin Aries/Bobby Roode b. Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez and Bad Influence – Roode pinned Daniels after a splash from Guerero

Wes Brisco b. Kurt Angle – Brisco escaped the cage

Team TNA b. Aces and 8’s – Elbow drop off the top of the cage to Knux

Bully Ray b. Jeff Hardy – Pin after hitting Hardy with a hammer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Wrestlemania I
Date: March 31, 1985
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 19,121
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura

We begin here at a show that certainly won’t be like the rest of these. This show is far more about the spectacle than the major matches which is shown in the main event. Our big match tonight is Hulk Hogan and Mr. T. teaming up to face Paul Orndorff and Roddy Piper in a grudge match. Yeah the first show doesn’t even have the world title on the line. Today, there are at least two world title matches per show. Anyway, this is where it all began so let’s get to it.

The opening video is a bunch of shots of New York City with the WWF logo and some pictures of the wrestlers coming in later. The celebrities for tonight’s show (headlined by Muhammad Ali) are also shown.

Here’s Mean Gene to sing the Star Spangled Banner.

Tito Santana says he’s ready for the undefeated Executioner and he’s going to teach the newcomer a thing or two about the big leagues.

The Executioner says he’s going after Santana’s injured leg. So much for secrecy.

Tito Santana vs. Executioner

Executioner is Buddy Rose (of Blow Away fame) under a mask. Tito is WAY over here in MSG so he was a good choice to open things up. We start with a crisscross before Tito dropkicks Executioner out to the floor. Back in and Santana hooks a headlock to take Executioner to the mat as we’re still waiting on that promised leg work. Tito charges into a boot in the corner and Executioner takes him down with a knee to the ribs. A spinning toe hold is easily escaped so Executioner goes after the other leg. So which one is injured in the first place?

Tito shrugs him off and the masked guy hides in the corner. Since it’s a corner that Tito is looking straight at, the hiding doesn’t go all that well and Tito slugs him down. Executioner comes back with a slam and goes up, only to be slammed right back down. A Santana splash hits knees though and we get to the knee work. That work consists of one cannonball down onto it before Tito kicks him to the floor. Back in and the forearm sets up the Figure Four to make Santana the first winner in the history of Wrestlemania.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t too bad and the crowd reacted well to Santana, but Executioner was just a guy there to be evil. For an opening match this was a pretty good idea but for a match in general it was pretty lame stuff. Then again they have no idea what they’re doing at this point so it’s understandable.

S.D. Jones says he’s ready for King Kong Bundy. I see why I’ve never heard him talk other than this show. He’s going to get down for Bundy.

Bundy says Jones needs to be ready for the Avalanche and the five count.

S. D. Jones vs. King Kong Bundy

Here’s an infamous one. Jones is a guy from the old days who is here to make the fans feel good I guess. The match lasts 23 seconds with Bundy shoving Jones into the corner, splashing him three times and getting the pin. According to the WWF the time was 9 seconds, which doesn’t even make bad sense for them.

Matt Borne, the future Doink the Clown, says he’s ready to beat a worldwide star in Ricky Steamboat. Steamboat’s problem is that he’s too nice of a guy. That’s likely true.

Steamboat says this is the biggest card ever and he’s here to develop his meanness. You don’t hear this often, but Steamboat failed miserably in that regard.

Matt Borne vs. Ricky Steamboat

Borne is the Maniac so I have another name to use. Steamboat is looking chiseled here. I’ve never seen him so ripped up and it’s a strange look on him. Also he isn’t called the Dragon yet which is even odder to hear. Ricky speeds things up to start and chops Borne down before hitting a chinlock only about 40 seconds in.

Off to a headlock instead with Steamboat backflipping over Borne twice with the second time resulting in an atomic drop. Back to the headlock which is shifted into a front facelock but Borne comes back with a snap suplex for two. Ricky is like dude I’m Ricky Steamboat and suplexes Borne down, followed by a swinging neckbreaker. A shoulder block puts Borne down and the cross body ends this near squash clean.

Rating: D+. Eh it’s Steamboat in the 80s so how bad can this be? Ricky wasn’t a huge star yet but he was rapidly becoming known as something special. It would be another year or so before he started tearing the house down on a regular basis and started having his masterpieces. Borne would be a lot better when he had a gimmick to go with his skills.

The Sammartinos are ready for Johnny V and Brutus Beefcake. Bruno threatens Johnny V is he tries to get involved.

David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake

Sammartino was the son of a legend and had a good way into the business as a result. He had a good look on top of that, but he had one thing holding him back: he had no talent. His “career” was really just a way to keep Bruno around for a few more years to draw in some extra crowds and that’s the only reason this match is happening. Beefcake is new at this point and is nowhere near what he would become so this is going to be pretty bad.

David’s height doesn’t help him either as he’s about 5’8 or so. They head to the mat to start and Brutus has to bail to the floor for a breather. Back in and Sammartino takes it right back to the mat with a front facelock. A legdrop to the arm has Beefcake in trouble and it’s time to talk to the managers a bit. Beefcake comes back with a headlock takeover but David grabs the legs to work them over a bit.

Off to a leg lock as we keep things very basic so far. Brutus fights up with his leg seeming fine all of a sudden. He drops some forearms to David’s back and there’s a hard whip into the corner by Beefcake. David comes back with a backdrop and they slug it out a bit. Sammartino strikes like his daddy. A suplex gets two for David but Brutus sends him to the floor. The managers get into a fight and both guys run in for a double DQ.

Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade as it’s a competitive match and not completely terrible, but the problem is how low level of quality this was. Neither guy was terrible but you could tell they were trying which makes a big difference. This could have been WAY worse but it just wasn’t that good in the first place.

I forgot to mention how the interviews are being done. Alfred Hayes is standing in the entrance with the ring behind him as the guys come by him for their matches. The interviews are recorded earlier in the day though so it’s kind of odd.

Anyway Valentine says he’s tough and leaner than usual.

JYD says he’s going to take a bite out of Valentine. So he’s promising to cheat? Good to know.

Intercontinental Title: Junkyard Dog vs. Greg Valentine

Dog cranks on the arm to start and punches him in the shoulder ala Marciano. A punch to the face takes Valentine down and a headbutt sends the champion (Greg in case you’re not familiar with this era) to the floor. Valentine tries his luck at the arm now and pounds away with some forearms to the back of the head. I’m not sure if that should hurt the Dog or not.

The champion goes after the leg now with what looks to be the start of a half crab but he never turns Dog over. A kind of DDT on the leg has the Dog in trouble again and there’s a headbutt between the legs. Dog breaks up the Figure Four and hits a headbutt to stagger the champ some more. Jimmy Hart tries to interfere but Dog causes Valentine to blast him in the head instead. Valentine grabs a fast rollup and puts his feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D+. I’m getting tired of using that rating but this is what the matches keep coming out as: not terrible but nothing good at all. Valentine would get back to his current feud with Tito Santana very soon with the title changing hands pretty soon if I remember properly. Dog was there as more of a fun character than a serious threat so this was fine.

Speaking of Santana, here he is to tell the referee what happened. The referee restarts the match but Valentine walks out for the countout without ever getting back in. That’s just building Santana vs. Valentine for later.

Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff say their countries are better than America. Where’s my pitchfork when I need to run freaks like these off?

The US Express say they’re ready.

Tag Titles: US Express vs. Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Sheik

The Express is Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo and they’re defending tonight. A little trivia for you: the song Real American was originally used for the two of them but Hogan wound up using it instead. The heels do their whole Russian national anthem and Iran/Russia #1 deal before the match. Rotundo and Sheik start things off with the Iranian hooking a headlock. A dropkick puts Sheik down and Mike grabs a headlock.

Off to Barry who avoids double teaming and causes the challengers to collide. Back to Rotundo to work over Nikolai with an elbow drop getting two. Windham comes in off the top with a shot to the arm and Rotundo does the same thing. Sheik suplexes Mike down for two as the foreigners take over. Nikolai drops him throat first across the throat and the USA chant starts up.

A sunset flip gets a quick two for Mike but it’s back to Sheik for an abdominal stretch. That doesn’t last long though as Mike hiptosses out of it and it’s off to Barry via the hot tag. The bulldog (Barry’s finisher at the time) takes Volkoff out as everything breaks down. In the melee, Sheik hits Windham in the back with the cane for the pin and the titles.

Rating: C. This was a better match than we’ve seen so far with the fans getting way into the whole USA vs. foreigners thing. The title change was there only so something historic could happen and the Express got the belts back about two and a half months later. They would split soon after that with both guys heading to the NWA.

Sheik and Volkoff said they’ve proven their superiority now.

Intermission which is edited out of the home video releases.

Big John Studd says he’ll slam Andre and keep the money.

Big John Studd vs. Andre the Giant

This is a bodyslam challenge with some special stipulations: if Andre wins, he gets $15,000 but if Studd wins, Andre has to retire. Studd charges in to start but is immediately chopped back and he bails to the floor. Back in and Andre punches him in the head and rams him in the corner with all of his weight. Studd goes for a slam and Andre is just like dude please. The fans chant for a slam as Andre puts on a bearhug. That goes on for a good while until Andre shifts over to a facelock. Apparently if this goes to the time limit, Andre has to retire. Andre kicks at the leg for a bit and casually slams Studd for the win. It’s as quick as it sounds.

Rating: D. This was pretty terrible but the fans loved Andre and he had to be on here. Also this was part of a big feud as Andre and Studd cut Andre’s hair a few weeks before this. The match was pretty weak but then again what are you going to expect from these two guys with Andre’s body starting to fail on him.

Andre hands a few bucks out to the fans but Heenan steals the bag and runs off.

Andre says he doesn’t care about the money because he’s better than Studd and now he’s proven it. He isn’t retiring anytime soon either.

Cyndi Lauper and Wendi Richter want Wendi’s title back. Richter is MAD here and has a nearly man’s voice.

Moolah and Lelani Kai are ready to keep the title.

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Wendi Richter

The big deal here is that Cyndi Lauper, pop superstar of her day, is in Richter’s corner. Moolah, as in the woman who cost Richter the title a few weeks ago, is in Kai’s corner. The camera is on a wide shot for the start of Richter’s music (Girls Just Wanna Have Fun) and the whole crowd literally gets up at once. Cool visual. For reasons that continue to elude me, the slow motion shot of Richter and Lauper running through the back and into the arena is a famous clip.

They both pull hair to start and we’re clearly in a normal women’s match here. By that I mean neither girl is that good in the ring and their moves are really overblown. Richter cranks on the arm for a bit until Kai pulls her hair to take over. Now the champion works on the arm for a bit and Richter is in trouble. More hair pulling ensues until Richter puts on a body scissors.

Kai charges into a boot in the corner and Richter shoves the referee away like a jerk. Moolah chokes away at Wendi in the corner until Lauper comes over to make the save. Richter hits a kind of reverse AA and a splash for two. Lelani hits a backbreaker for two before going up for a cross body, only to have Wendi roll through for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. These two just didn’t work that well, but that would be the case for almost any women’s match back in the 80s. The girls were out there basically for a spectacle or in this case the pop culture connection that was driving the era. Richter was a HUGE star at this point, occasionally main eventing house shows when Hogan was in another city.

Richter and Lauper dance around the ring in celebration in another semi-famous scene.

Richter and Lauper celebrate in the back as well.

We introduce the celebrities for the main event. The guest ring announcer is Billy Martin, former manager of the Yankees. He introduces Liberace as guest timekeeper, accompanied by four Rockettes. They all get in the ring and do the famous kicks which you’ll see in the occasional highlight package. The guest referee is someone you may have heard of: Muhammad Ali. Jose Torres, another boxer, is on the floor as well.

Hulk Hogan/Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

Piper comes out with the full New York Pipe and Drums band while Hogan and T come out to Eye of the Tiger. Advantage Hogan/T. Piper and Orndorff have Bob Orton as their second while Hogan/T have Jimmy Snuka. Advantage Hogan/T. This is looking kind of one sided isn’t it? Oh and Pat Patterson is the inside referee while Ali is the outside referee. The heels all hug and we’re ready to go.

Orndorff and Hogan get things going but Piper tags in before there’s any contact. Therefore T wants to fight Piper and they immediately head to the mat. T and Piper do some amateur stuff and T actually lasts long enough for a standoff. We get some staring until T hooks Piper in an airplane spin. Everything breaks down and Ali gets in to help break it up. Orton and Snuka try to get in as well but Ali glares Orton down.

Things break down again and the heels get rammed together until we get down to Hogan vs. Piper. Hulk rams Piper’s head into the mat over and over until it’s back to T. Hogan offers his knee as something to ram Piper’s head into and it’s back to the champion to send Piper to the outside. Orndorff jumps Hogan from behind and knocks him outside where Roddy blasts him with a chair.

Paul chokes away from the apron until T charges in for the save. Pat Patterson has to pull T off and you know he enjoys this in some way. A double atomic drop puts Hogan down and Orndorff hits a vertical suplex. Roddy comes back in to get in his punches and knee shots followed by an Orndorff top rope elbow to the back of Hulk’s neck for two. Paul goes up again but misses the knee drop and there’s the hot tag to T.

Orndorff and T brawl on the mat for a bit until Mr. gets in trouble via a Piper front facelock. That goes nowhere though as T stands up and makes the tag with no effort to be seen. Hogan pounds away but walks into a belly to back suplex. Orton and Snuka get in the ring for no apparent reason and as the referee calms things down, Orton comes in off the top with the cast but hits Orndorff by mistake to give Hogan the pin.

Rating: B-. Is it great? Not even close, but the point of this match was the crowd reacting to it rather than the match itself. It’s easily the best match of the night and while the only question coming into tonight was who was getting the fall. This was exactly what the fans wanted and that’s what this was supposed to be about. Nice main event here.

Piper and Orton bail but the good guys let Orndorff leave without beating on him even more.

We recap the ending of the main event.

Hogan, T and Snuka talk about winning.

Credits end the show. That’s a sign of the past.

Overall Rating: D+. First and foremost let me make something clear: the overall rating for this show means jack because the whole thing was there for the spectacle and the matches were an afterthought other than the main event. This show was a huge success and kickstarted what is known as the Golden Era, so I don’t think you can call it anything but a good show. It’s also on the list of shows that every fan has to see at least once, just so they can say they’ve seen it. Not great quality, but incredible historical significance.

Ratings Comparison

Tito Santana vs. Executioner

Original: C

Redo: C-

King Kong Bundy vs. S.D. Jones

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Ricky Steamboat vs. Matt Borne

Original: C-

Redo: D+

David Sammartino vs. Brutus Beefcake

Original: D-

Redo: D+

Junkyard Dog vs. Greg Valentine

Original: D+

Redo: D+

Nikolai Volkoff/Iron Shiek vs. U.S. Express

Original: B-

Redo: C

Andre the Giant vs. Big John Studd

Original: D+

Redo: D

Wendi Richter vs. Lelani Kai

Original: B

Redo: D

Hulk Hogan/Mr. T. vs. Roddy Piper/Paul Orndorff

Original: B

Redo: B-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/03/08/history-of-wrestlemania-with-kb-wrestlemania-1-just-a-big-house-show/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Two parts to this one.First of all, WWE has put out another stupid top ten list, this one being top ten Divas moments at Wrestlemania.

Not a single one of the Divas in this video are full time wrestlers for WWE anymore.

Second, and more pertinent, I was watching a show setting up Wrestlemania last year and none of the three Divas and none of them are even in WWE anymore. Think about that: in a year the top of the division has been completely eliminated. And yet they wonder why no one cares about these girls.

http://www.prowrestling.net/artman/publish/TNA/article10030226.shtml

 

So let me get this straight….Bobby Roode, one half of the reigning tag team champions and a guy whose run as the longest reigning world champion in company history ended less than a year and a a guy who had a world title shot on PPV THIS YEAR isn’t worthy of remembering to re-sign???  This is the kind of mistake WCW made back in 1990 with the Iron freaking Sheik.  Not only is his status for Lockdown up in the air, but it leaves an opening for WWE to sign him if they want to.  The lawsuit is over, so why not?  Maybe TNA can hire Bull Buchanan to replace him.

 

If nothing else, how could TNA let this happen when they stole another company’s tag team champion LAST FREAKING YEAR with Kenny King?

The jokes about them being amateur hour write themselves.

Wrestlicious Takedown
Date: March 10, 2010
Location: Wrestlicious Studios, St. Petersburg, Florida
Commentator: Johnny C.

Oh sweet goodness what am I doing to myself? For those of you unfamiliar, go watch the trailer on Youtube right now. It’s basically the spiritual successor to G.L.O.W., which is known for good looking women and completely campy comedy and women that are “wrestlers”. In this case, it was started by a guy that won a Powerball lottery and used his money on this. Jimmy Hart played a big part in this and I think it’s out of business now. This is the second episode. Let’s get to it.

Oh and the girls are mostly all wrestlers, some of which you’ll know. They’re ALL in very stereotypical and overdone gimmicks which I’m sure you’ll catch on to. There are also comedy skits to go along with the wrestling. The word “studios” means warehouse too.

Jimmy Hart pops up and is worried about being the host and stuck with a bimbo or stick in the mud. Leyla Milani, the runner up in one of the Diva Searches, appears and is the co-host. Oh geez there’s a laugh track.

We do the opening video which is most of the girls in character in front of a personalized screen.

Boot Camp Bailey, the trainer, wants to talk about something. She’s a military themed girl with a VERY short skirt. She says attention a lot and says she’s looking for a few good women. Bailey asks who wants to be a trainee and calls a few “fans” into the ring. One of the girls is the floor manager who has to take her headset off before she gets in. Bailey apparently is a model with no wrestling experience. This is getting LOUDLY booed by the way.

We get a clip from last week of a six girl tag with the Country Cousins vs. the Mexican team/Felony, a prison character. I have no idea what the announcer’s name is. Felony tries to escape during the match. Apparently the commentator’s name is Johnny C. and he has no idea what he’s calling. The Mexican team and Felony won with what looked like a Snow Plow.

There’s going to be a battle royal with the final two facing each other for the Wrestlicious Title.

We go to “the farm” (green screen) with Cousin Cassie and Tyler Texas who do a comedy bit called “You Just Might Be A Down Home Wrestler.” I’m sure you get the idea here.

And now, a game show: Are You Smarter Than A Male Wrestler, hosted by Jimmy Hart. Our contestants are Glory (female wrestler Christie Ricci playing a patriot) and Brian Knobbs. The category is American History and the question is what happened in 1776. Knobbs thinks it’s the first beer drinking contest. Glory gets it right (I guess the signing of the Declaration of Independence was all that happened in America that year)…..and that’s it.

We recap the Bailey segment from like 5 minutes ago.

Now three girls are in a bedroom on a bed. Now they go to make drinks but Bailey stops them. Oh ok they’re the trainees. To be continued. Did I mention we’re almost halfway through the show?

Package on Lacey Von Erich which is her on the beach in swimsuits.

Tony the Top (mob character) says that Autumn Frost (an Ice Princess, whatever that is. You may know her as Jennifer Blake who does indy wrestling and is a somewhat big female star in AAA) should be on JV Rich’s (the owner of the company and owner of a big mansion where comedy bits like this one are shot at) arm. He says she should be on a leash, which gets a HUGE reaction from the laugh track.

Paige Webb (Serena from the Straight Edge Society with hair) answers an e-mail from a male admirer. Included in the e-mail is a picture of his pierced genitals I think.

Three girls are arguing over what to call the aforementioned battle royal. Go vote on their website for the NAME OF THE MATCH. This show is cut into three parts on Youtube and we’re about to start part 3 with no matches.

HOKEY SMOKE A WRESTLING MATCH!

Autumn Frost vs. Paige Webb

Frost is from Alaska so we get a snow effect. Webb is a computer geek. Get it? Johnny C. makes a bunch of bad sex jokes and we’re ready to go. Frost jumps her but gets caught in a full nelson. The commentary is nothing but puns. Literally, it’s all puns and the occasional name of a move. Frost hooks a full nelson of her own but Webb arm drags out of it. Webb hooks the armbar as the announcer talks about how Webb’s box is filled every night. With e-mails of course.

A monkey flip puts Frost down and “the ice girl goeth”. Back in and Frost takes over. I can’t handle or give you an accurate description of the amount of the puns being used here. Apparently Webb needs to reboot from a snow boot. Frost beats her down “like a computer virus.” I’m dying listening to how bad this is.

They do a pinfall reversal sequence and Webb gets caught in a chinlock. Webb comes back with some armdrags and sends Frost to the floor for a beating. Back in a top rope cross body gets two for Webb. After a quick run on the floor, Webb tries a monkey flip but Frost falls on her and puts her feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D+. Both girls are pro wrestlers already so the match wasn’t that bad, but the commentary here is going to make or break the match for you. I kid you not, you won’t go ten seconds without a terrible pun, but if you just give up on the show being serious and enjoy it for how HORRIBLE it is, the commentary will grow on you quickly. The wrestling wasn’t half bad.

We get a preview for next week which is a voodoo chick vs. Madison Rayne as a cheerleader.

Overall Rating: B. Now let me explain. This show is TERRIBLE. There’s about four minutes of wrestling (the show is only half an hour including commercials so it’s not a huge stretch), a TON of bad comedy bits that don’t go anywhere and the commentary is nothing but puns.

HOWEVER, this is the kind of show where if you saw more than four seconds of the previews, you knew exactly what you were getting into. This show knows it’s horrible and it doesn’t try to take itself seriously in the slightest. I found it hilarious with how bad it was and if you go into it with that kind of mindset, you’ll have fun with it. Plus the girls look good so that helps.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews