Which did you like better back then?At the time Batista was the bigger deal and since I wasn’t huge on Smackdown back then, I was liking Batista more.  There’s something cool about a monster that runs through everyone and can’t be stopped.  See also Warrior, Mr.

 

Thoughts?

Wrestlemania 21
Date: April 3, 2005
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 20,193
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Lillian Garcia

This show is probably considered to be the birth of the modern era of Wrestlemanias. We have Cena and Batista going after their first world titles, the debut of MITB and Randy Orton in a big match. There are some solid matches in here including some that boarder on classics, such as Shawn vs. Angle and Rey vs. Eddie.

This was the first show in a long time without Austin or Rock wrestling and it was up to the new guys to carry the company with the help of the veterans. You don’t hear much at all about this Mania, but that’s not what’s important. All that matters is how good the show is. How good is it? Let’s get to it.

Lillian is her usual stunning self singing America the Beautiful.

Before the first match there’s a montage of the Mania trailers. Since the show is in Hollywood this year that was the obvious theme: Wrestlemania Goes Hollywood. This resulted in an awesome set of fake trailers/movie scenes recreated by WWE guys. For instance there was Eugene as Forrest Gump, Undertaker as Dirty Harry, Cena and JBL as Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson from A Few God Men and a montage of people trying to do “You Talking to Me?” from Taxi Driver. This is set to Behind Those Eyes by 3 Doors Down, my favorite band, so this is great.

This leads to the debut of the final trailer which is debuting tonight: Steve Austin as Gladiator. These are really well done and definitely worth checking out. They’re like a minute or two long so they’re not too long to sit through or anything. Check them out.

The announcers welcome us to the show complete with Lawler in a tuxedo.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

They’re the reigning Smackdown tag champions at this point, but they’ve been having some issues. This would be before the split and the ladder match for the custody of Rey’s son Dominic. Yeah it was stupid back then too. The idea here is that Eddie is doubting his skill and Rey keeps beating him in friendly matches. Eddie’s pop absolutely dwarfs Rey’s.

The set looks great here as it looks like they’re coming out from behind a curtain like an old TV show. They also cost each other victories on Smackdown so there are some recent issues also. Crowd is VERY hot. Eddie grabs an armbar and takes over early on. They hit the precision stuff until Eddie launches Rey over the top and out to the floor. Rey slides in and misses a 619 and we’re at a standoff.

Back in and they try a test of strength but Rey monkey flips Eddie over while holding the grip still. Both bridge out at the same time in a cool visual. Rey lands on his feet of something like a backdrop and another monkey flip lands Eddie in the ropes. Rey gets sent to the floor and Eddie adds a plancha to take over. Big Eddie chant starts up.

Suplex gets two for Eddie. Surfboard goes on and I still wonder how they do that. In something I’ve never seen other than in this match, Eddie almost gets pinned as his shoulders are on the mat while using the hold. STF by Eddie and Rey slaps the mat once. Shouldn’t that be a tap out? They get up and Rey gets an armdrag to counter what might have been a powerbomb.

Eddie hits the floor so Rey busts out a tope con giro to half kill both guys. Seated senton gets no cover but Rey runs into an elbow and it’s right back to Eddie’s control. One Amigo hits but the second is countered into a rollup for two. Another powerbomb attempt is countered into a headscissors but Rey can’t hit 619. Backbreaker by Eddie gets two.

There are the Three Amigos as Rey’s back is being destroyed. Frog Splash misses though and we’re back to even. Rey keeps adjusting his mask. Magistrol (and yes I know that’s likely the wrong spelling) gets two for Mysterio. They speed things up for a bit and there’s the 619. Rey tries West Coast Pop but Eddie FINALLY gets that powerbomb for two. And then Rey gets a rana and grabs the leg for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B-. Fine opener here but they never hit that gear that I think they were shooting for. Good match but out of these two you would expect more. Rey and the mask adjustments took a bit of steam out of this as he was doing it every 8 seconds. Eddie’s pops were very impressive so of course they turned him heel soon after this.

JBL and his Cabinet runs into HHH and Flair. Good thing that never went anywhere. Both say how great they are and HHH burns JBL by saying eventually someone will believe JBL if he keeps saying how great he is. Orlando Jordan gets a WOO for his troubles.

Adam Sandler and that waste of skin known as Rob Schnider are in the front row.

Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit vs. Christian vs. Edge vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kane

 

This is the debut of Money in the Bank, meaning this is the one that sets the standard. Jericho looks like a lumberjack with that beard. Benoit is Benoit. Christian is Pre-TNA so he has no chance here. Shelton is more or less at the peak of his awesomeness here and IC Champion. Edge is on the brink of greatness and Kane is Kane. If nothing else now I have the Waterproof Blonde version of Just Close Your Eyes in my head now. Oh and Christian has Tomko with him.

Edge is more or less freshly heel here but hasn’t established himself as a main event guy. He’s kind of going back and forth. In Kane’s entrance the ladders on the stage are lit on fire in a sweet visual. Everyone goes after Kane in the aisle which completely fails. Jericho blasts Christian with a ladder and it’s Shelton vs. Jericho in the ring at the moment.

The other two Canadians not named Christian get dropkicked off the apron by Jericho who adds a plancha to Edge. Christian dives onto all three of them and then Shelton dives on all five of them. Kane is like kid please and takes out everyone including Tomko with a big dive. Kane, the only one alive, goes for a ladder. Edge is in the ring and goes down as does Christian.

Jericho is able to dropkick the ladder into Kane and everyone is down for the most part. He destroys various people with said ladder and stands tall at least for a few seconds. Benoit grabs him while Jericho has the ladder and fires him with a German, sending the ladder flying through the air. He goes up but Kane tries a chokeslam. He gets caught in a Crossface for his troubles as does Edge. Kane breaks that one up with a ladder shot for no apparent reason.

Using the ladder, Kane kind of Pillmanizes Benoit’s arm. Edge takes Kane down as this is far too much at once to keep track of. Edge and Christian work together to take Kane down as Shelton is back in. Ladder in the corner with Edge slamming into it as he misses a spear. Stinger Splash onto it and him in a rare Sting reference.

Everyone goes up onto three different ladders and everyone comes crashing down. The T-Bone Exploder from Shelton to Edge was AWESOME looking. Jericho somehow gets up and turns some ladders over. He has to fight off Christian though and another ladder is set up as a ramp to the main one in the ring. Shelton debuts his signature spot to run up the ladder and take Jericho down with a clothesline.

Christian stops Shelton and then Kane starts going on. They botch a chokeslam over the top as Shelton gets his foot caught in the ropes. Tomko comes in to try and help Christian, even getting him all the way to the top. Kane is like screw that and shoves him off onto Tomko on the floor. Jericho slips trying to stop Kane and they both fall onto the top rope to put everyone down again.

Benoit sets a ladder up in a corner to launch himself off in a swan dive to half kill Kane. Ok poor choice of words there. Great visual on the wide shot though. He might have hurt his arm on that. Kane gets back up and they fight on the top of the ladder with Kane going flying off again. He’s taken a ton of bumps in this. Edge pops up out of nowhere with a chair to drill Benoit in the bad arm and pulls down the briefcase to win it.

Rating: A. Some of the spots in this are just insane, such as Shelton running the ladder. A BIG plus of this match having 6 people is we don’t have to have a bunch of bad injury selling on the ladder while waiting on people to be stopped. That’s the flaw with most ladder matches: you see people climbing a ladder at the rate of a snail.

In this case, that’s not a threat as there’s a total of 7 people counting Tomko. This is a mess, but a fun one. It launched Edge into the main event as he cashed in the contact for the title in January in a stunning event. Great showing, not a great wrestling match, but still fun.

Eugene is in the ring and saying how excited he is to be here. He talks about his favorite Mania moment, which is the midget army fighting Bundy at Mania 3. Muhammad Hassan, the best heel in forever in the company’s music hits. He’s mad about being left off the card and he beats up Eugene. That’s Sheik Abdul Bashir if you’re a TNA fan.

And then, in one of the biggest MARK OUT moments I’ve ever had, Real American hits. The place, in a word, explodes. Hogan slides in and the fans beat him down but Hogan is like boys please and it’s a very old school double noggin knocker. He beats the heck out of Hassan and tosses him out. Daivari the manager tries a chair shot and gets a finger in his face. There goes Daivari and the fans couldn’t eat this up any more if their lives depended on it. Let the posing begin! Hogan simply belongs at Wrestlemania. This led to Hogan/Shawn vs. those two.

We recap Taker vs. Orton. Not much to say here. Orton got thrown out of Evolution and HHH cut his legs out from under him so they threw him against Taker to give him something to do and play into the Legend Killer thing. Oh and Orton’s dad is in there somewhere too.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton

This marks the modern incarnation of the Streak beginning as Orton challenges Taker for no reason other than to break the Streak. To me, that’s not good. It takes away some of the story as there’s nothing personal going on at first other than honor.

To some people it’s great and it leads to solid matches most of the time, but I just can’t get into them. Orton was a face but challenged Taker so he RKOed Stacy, who was I guess his girlfriend at the time to show how evil he was. His Dad showed up and started helping him and no one cared. As the Legend Killer, this fit Orton like a glove.

Taker gets his usual sweet entrance with druids and torches. Do you think they chant like that in the back at catering? HUGE pop for Taker. Taker floats to the ring with a ton of smoke in the aisle. I mean he’s coming down the aisle and his feet aren’t moving. Is there any reason he came out before Orton though? This is the pre-orange Orton that still had hair and not a ton of tattoos. Always liked this version a lot better. No papa with him for the entrance.

Orton tries to use speed to start and then slaps Taker. That seems like a bad idea to me. We hit a headlock by Taker but a dropkick takes him down for one. Feeling out period to start here. Taker drills him with a right hand and Orton’s nose might be messed up. Orton rolls him up out of the corner for two. RKO is blocked and Orton is shoved to the floor.

Apron legdrop to Orton has him in big trouble. Old School keeps him in said trouble. The running boot in the corner misses and Taker is sent to the floor. They slug it out and Orton takes him down with a clothesline for two. DDT by Taker gets two as we haven’t really had one guy dominating for a long time yet. Side slam for two. Taker hits the Snake Eyes but the running boot is blocked by a back elbow for two as well.

They slug it out again as the fans are all over Randy. Randy tries a clothesline but Taker rams into him so hard that Randy goes down for two. Dragon suplex goes on and Orton taps but since that’s not the finish so we keep going. Somehow he manages to roll through into a DDT for two. And we hit the chinlock which is called a rear naked choke by Cole in an attempt to try to sound smart.

Sleeper by Orton lasts about two seconds as Taker gets a suplex. Powerslam out of nowhere gets two for Randy. Then like A REALLY STUPID PERSON he goes to the corner for punches and stops for posing. The Last Ride doesn’t work but neither does the RKO. Taker tries another Last Ride but Taker drops him or something.

Bob Orton runs in with the cast and drills Taker but the referee is down due to the RKO counter. The very slow count gets two and a big reaction from the crowd. Taker sits up and isn’t happy. Big boots takes down Bob and here’s a chokeslam. In one of my favorite counters ever, Orton shifts in mid air and grabs a good looking RKO for two. Orton wants a tombstone and if you don’t know what’s coming at this point you just fail. The pin is academic.

Rating: B-. Good match for the most part but there were times where they looked a bit confused. Orton had that one great counter and other than that he didn’t get much out there. This is a match that needed about two minutes cut out of it to really make it a lot better. Still not that bad at all though.

We recap Trish vs. Christy Hemme. In short, Trish is champion and Christy is this year’s Playboy chick. She can’t wrestle to save her life but she has Lita training her. There’s nothing else to it beyond that.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Christy Hemme

Well they’re all hot if nothing else. Lita is with Christy here as mentioned. Trish’s music sounds sped up a bit. The set is awesome here as it’s set up like an old school movie theater marquee with the name of the current match on the sign. Trish of course doesn’t take this seriously and it’s sloppy from the bell. The Playboy thing was really annoying as you had girls that couldn’t do anything challenging for the title. Mickie next year would prove how stupid this was.

The fans chant for Matt who was out of the company at this point. Trish misses a kick and Christy gets one of her own for two in a sexy cover. Christy does the splits out of the corner and gets two on a sunset flip. To the floor and Trish is barely breaking a sweat. She shoves Lita who has a bad knee and Christy gets a rollup for two.

Christy kicks away badly and adds in a reverse Twist of Fate which is the whole selling point of the match. Naturally it only gets two. Christy rolls her up and we botch that too as Trish doesn’t kick out in time so the referee stops counting despite Trish’s shoulders being down. Chick Kick ends this like a second later. Trish would hold the title until the next Mania.

Rating: F+. They looked good and that’s all this had going for it. This is one of those matches that doesn’t need much more of an explanation at all.

We recap Shawn vs. Angle. Angle was obsessed with winning the Rumble but Shawn eliminated him. This led to Angle talking about winning the medal in 96 but people talking about Shawn coming down from the rafters at Mania and being the best wrestler in the world. Basically it turned into a game of I’m better than you and they had the match at Mania. That’s about it.

Some celebrities are here.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Something tells me this will be a big better than the previous match. They have about 28 minutes to work with here, so do you really think it’s not going to be great? They stare each other down before the match starts and here we go. This in interpromotional and the referee is from Smackdown for no apparent reason. Shawn slaps him in the face and here we go.

Angle takes him to the mat and rides him with ease. The fans apparently think Shawn violated Bret. Odd choice of words indeed. I say odd a lot in these reviews. Shawn takes Kurt to the mat with a headlock and the fans chant for Angle. Angle suplexes out of it but Shawn holds on somehow. Dueling chants start up as that headlock has been on for awhile now. They have the time though so it’s perfectly fine.

The hold is broken for a bit and we go right back to it again. Angle gets a back elbow to escape but Shawn locks on a short arm scissors. Angle rolls backwards a few times to get two. See how important that is? He keeps working the whole time and it keeps the fans into things rather than just sitting around. We get the Davey Boy Smith counter to it but Shawn rolls through for two. Backslide for two and it’s back to the headlock by Shawn.

They slug it out in the corner with neither guy being able to get the advantage. Angle pulls the hair and grabs an ankle lock out of nowhere. It doesn’t last long as Shawn rolls through and a clothesline puts us both on the floor. They set up the announce table and fight for the move into it. Angle gets the Slam but instead of the table he rams Shawn’s back into the post out of the Slam position. That looked good.

Angle hammers away on the floor for a bit and we’re back into the ring. Suplex gets two and Angle locks on a body scissors. Shawn flips upside down in the corner and a sweet pair of belly to bellies gets two. Kurt locks on a modified camel clutch with a knee in the back to work it over even more. Shawn fights back and they slug it out until Shawn slaps Kurt. A big clothesline takes Shawn down for two. That looked great.

Angle can’t get a belly to belly off the top but the elbow misses too and Kurt never really loses control. There go the straps but the Angle Slam is reversed. Kurt is sent to the floor as Shawn takes over for a bit. Big crossbody to the floor and both guys are down. Shawn wants an Asai Moonsault but Angle jumps up for the attempted German off the apron which never hits. A low blow gets Shawn out of it and he gets his Asai crossbody which winds up being a splash onto the table which doesn’t break. Cool looking move and apparently the tables are reinforced.

They slug it out a bit more and Shawn gets the forearm. I think you know what follows that. Angle is bleeding from the mouth. Slam sets up the elbow and it’s time to tune up the band. What band is it anyway? The Electric Light Orchestra? Shawn finds out why it’s stupid to throw a kick at a guy whose finisher is the ankle lock and can’t roll through it. The rope is finally grabbed and Shawn is in big trouble.

Angle is all ticked off now but the Slam is reversed into a sunset flip which is reversed into another ankle lock which is reversed into a victory roll for two. Another attempt at Chin Music is reversed into the Slam for two. Angle puts the straps back on only to take them right back down. Ok then. Moonsault misses but it looked like Angle’s head slammed into Shawn’s back. Angle is clutching his wrist after the move and it might be hurt.

Shawn pulls himself to the top but can barely move so Angle runs up the corner and hits an Angle Slam from the top rope. Angle immediately covers and somehow only gets two! I’d have bet on that being the ending when I was watching this live. Angle grabs Shawn by the head and screams at him to tap out. Shawn uses all he’s got left for a huge Sweet Chin Music and down goes Angle again. THAT gets two and the fans are way into this.

With Shawn trying to get up as slowly as he’s moving, Angle grabs the ankle again and holds on throughout every roll Shawn tries. He almost gets the rope but Angle pulls him back to the middle again. There’s the grapevine and after Shawn probably setting the record for the longest time ever in the move, Shawn taps to add another classic to his Mania record.

Rating: A+. Oh come on were you expecting anything else? It’s Angle vs. Michaels at Wrestlemania with half an hour to work with. Total show stealing match with two of the best ever out there working themselves to death to have the best match they could. There would be a pair of rematches with Shawn winning at Vengeance and them tying in an iron man match on Raw. Great match and absolutely worth seeing.

We see another of the movie trailers, this one with Benoit, Jericho and Christian interrogating Stacy Keibler ala Basic Instinct. There’s implied HLA with Trish and lingerie pillow fights are mentioned. Way funnier than it sounds. Oh and Mae Young flashes her vagina to end it.

It’s RODDY PIPER! We have a Piper’s Pit here at Mania with special guest Stone Cold Steve Austin. Well this works….kind of. It sounds like it’s great on paper but at the same time, what in the world would they talk about? Piper thanks the fans for the Hall of Fame and talks about Mania a bit. Here’s Austin and the problem is obvious: there’s no reason Austin is here other than he’s Austin and it’s Wrestlemania. Therefore, they have nothing to talk about.

Austin is a rebel apparently. Yeah not for about 5 years Roddy. Piper slaps him and the fans aren’t sure what to do here. Austin of course slaps him right back and Piper likes him. The WHAT chants start up and Piper isn’t sure how to take them. I hate those things anyway. Piper was here when Mania didn’t have a number apparently and that’s still the same argument he’s been using for years. Austin has nothing on Piper as far as being a rebel.

Steve replies and this is just dragging. Piper stopped meaning anything about 12 years before this and only Piper seemed to not get that through his head. Of all people, Carlito comes out and both guys say it wasn’t their idea. This was supposed to be the way to put Carlito over and give him a huge push but it completely failed due to Carlito absolutely sucking. Piper isn’t cool with this and spits the apple at Carlito. Naturally there are Stunners all around and Austin stands tall. This was awful to say the least. Total and complete waste of 15 minutes.

We see the Taxi Driver trailer which was voted the best overall. Basically it’s the majority of the roster trying to do the “Are you talking to me” line which is rather funny indeed. Batista doesn’t get what he’s supposed to say and Big Show keeps ripping his jacket. Michael Cole as Travis Bickle has completely scarred me for life but overall it’s funny.

Ready for the biggest waste of time in company history? Here is it right here.

Big Show vs. Akebono

Who in the heck is Akebono? No one knew and no one cared. Show at the time was doing a weird thing where he was looking for a challenger so they found someone even bigger than Show to face him in a sumo match. They’re wearing the full sumo uniforms here and it’s really bad. No one could care less for this.

They stall forever as Cole and Tazz try desperately to make this work but it’s dead on arrival. The fans boo them crazily as they set to start and then pull up at least 3 times. It’s the two of them slapping each other’s chests. Show loses but of course his music plays as they leave. This lasted a minute or so bell to bell and almost ten minutes overall.

Rating: F. This was a total waste of time.

We recap the Smackdown World Title feud between Cena vs. JBL. JBL has held the title since the previous summer and people are sick of him. The idea of this is old school vs. new and the respect for tradition vs. change. Cena had made a spinner belt for the US Title which JBL wasn’t happy with. Cena is the rapper here still and here’s all street tough etc. He got the match by beating Angle at No Way Out. Cena couldn’t touch JBL but JBL managed to get some shots in to Cena on the last Smackdown.
Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

 

JBL gets a police escort here to give him his big Mania entrance. JBL dollars rain from the ceiling in a cool bit. The Cabinet, JBL’s team, isn’t here. No special entrance for Cena here. A couple of guys with brooms have to clean the dollars out of the ring. Feeling out process to start with Cena taking JBL down with a shoulder. JBL does the same and takes over with power.

After more strikes from JBL a bad neckbreaker takes Cena down for no cover. The second one gets two as I don’t think they’ll end a match in two minutes. Well at least in theory they won’t. JBL hits a slingshot to put Cena’s throat in the bottom rope. They slug it out a bit with Cena getting some momentum together. Spinebuster takes care of that though and it’s back to JBL in control.

A third neckbeaker gets two. Short arm clothesline gets two. This is kind of dragging here. JBL hits a forearm to the back of Cena as it’s total dominance and has been the whole time. We got a moderate boring chant as we hit a sleeper. Cena gets a suplex to escape and it’s a double clothesline. Never mind though as JBL sends him to the floor and adds neckbreaker #4 to take Cena down again. This is on the verge of a squash.

Superplex back in the ring puts Cena down again and of course it’s for two. Cena gets a powerslam to fight back for the first time. Some clotheslines buy Cena time as does a shoulder block. Crowd is DEAD. Protoplex sets up the Five Knuckle Shuffle and the FU just like that gives Cena the title. In an approximately eleven and a half minute match, Cena was on offense for maybe 90 seconds.

Rating: D. Really? This was like a TV match that would main event Smackdown and it’s good for Cena’s first world title here? This needed to be rebooked and given about five more minutes plus about 8 more two counts. I have no idea what they were going for here but this was a major failure on almost all levels. No wonder Cena was panned for his first title reign.

 

We recap the Hall of Fame induction ceremony from last night which definitely centered around Hulk Hogan. Oh and Piper and some other people went in too. And then that ring would go to Abyss. I give up. Gene brings out the class to be presented to the crowd, eating up some more time that could have gone to Cena and JBL. If nothing else it’s fun to see the Divas all dressed up.

Michelle with her hair back and in a long black dress is something I could get used to. Taz calls Sheik the original Human Suplex Machine. Miss Jackie (Gayda that is) was so hot it’s scary. Maria as a blonde looked great. She’s more interesting than Bob Orton for sure. Jimmy Hart is still awesome. Stacy dancing to Hulk’s music and being on his arm is weird to see. That being said her trying to look beautiful in another long black dress works very well indeed. That’s about it. Most international class ever?

 

Mania 22 is going to be in Chicago.

We recap Batista vs. HHH. The idea here is a simple one. They were both in Evolution and then Batista got very hot and won the Rumble. This led to HHH saying he would get Batista to fight JBL to avoid having to face Big Dave because he had Batista around his finger. Batista heard this and turned face (which he more or less already was) leading to this.

Raw World Title: Batista vs. HHH

Ross and Lawler talk forever to let Motorhead get ready to play HHH to the ring. The singer more or less has no idea what the words are. HHH rises out of the floor like Angle does now. This is all happening before Batista’s entrance, making his look totally weak in comparison. Nice job Game. Batista still has his old school Evolution knockoff music here and no pyro so his machinegun thing looks idiotic.

Flair is with HHH here. We get the weapons check and the title being held up which is always cool. They fight over a tie up to start with neither guy being able to get much of an advantage. Almost two minutes in HHH grabs a headlock for the first offense of the match. He runs into a shoulder though and we chill for a bit. HHH runs him over but can’t get the Pedigree. Gorilla Press puts HHH down and Batista poses a bit.

Batista looks nervous here which makes sense. They’re going very slowly here but I guess they have the time. Backdrop to HHH but the Game gets a running knee to put him on the floor. Flair distracts Big Dave long enough to send Batista into the steps to take over again. HHH and Flair both choke away as we’re bordering on going through the motions here.

HHH works on the back and adds a suplex for two. More choking by Flair as this has been total dominance ala Cena vs. JBL. HHH hammers him down in the corner but Batista gets some punches to take back over a bit. And never mind as HHH uses a spinebuster. You know, that move that NO ONE ELSE IN THIS MATCH USES RIGHT??? Why in the world would HHH, the guy with like 9000 moves in his arsenal, use a freaking spinebuster that is going to make Batista’s look stupid by comparison?

Pedigree is blocked and the facebuster gets two. For no apparent reason HHH goes up top and tries a punch from up there but gets caught by a clothesline. Who is his mentor again? Did he sleep through that day in heel school? Batista gets a spinebuster for two but HHH gets a boot up in the corner to take him right back down.

Batista fires him over the top rope with pure power and we might finally have a shift in momentum. He follows the Game to the floor and is sent into the steps to once again give HHH momentum. Pedigree onto the steps is blocked into a slingshot into the post. Maybe NOW Batista can get some serious offense in. HHH is busted now. Batista hammers at the cut and momentum has completely shifted here.

All Animal here with Batista managing to hit a clothesline in the corner that puts HHH on his back which isn’t something you often see. Powerslam gets two. Out to the floor again as HHH is just trying to cover up. Down goes Flair but HHH grabs a chair due to the distraction. Since it’s a main event though, down goes the referee as he tries to steal it from the Game.

Back in the ring it’s a spinebuster for Flair who brings the belt in. Title to the face which draws huge heat. If that had gotten the pin they may have needed police to get him out of there. Naturally it only gets two and more or less that’s it. Spinebuster doesn’t hit as HHH gets a low blow. Pedigree can’t hit and Batista gets something resembling an Emerald Flosion to set up the Thumbs Down and the Batista Bomb ends this finally.

Rating: C-. HHH ruined this for me. Number one, Batista should come out first, get his massive pop, and THEN you have the big entrance for HHH as something like that is going to get a big pop no matter what. Next, Batista was built up as a monster coming into this match for nearly 5 months, and HHH beats the tar out of him for over half the match.

That makes me think that Batista hasn’t beaten anyone at all and once he faces someone solid he can’t do anything against them. Let Batista come in and beat up HHH, have HHH, the smarter wrestler, learn from what happened the first time around and counter Batista and THEN he beats him up and leads to the finish.

By doing this, it shows two things: it makes Batista seem legit as even HHH can’t stop his offense and then it makes HHH look smart as he was able to adapt his style to stop Batista, and everyone wins. Third, WHY WOULD HHH USE A SPINEBUSTER HERE???

He has like 40 moves in his arsenal and he uses the one that Batista is most known for. The ending was solid but that’s about it. Not the way to start a title reign for a guy that wrestles as a power guy at all. If this were Benoit or someone of that size and style, this would have been perfect.

Overall Rating: C+. This Mania suffers from the same symptom that every show since the brand split has suffered from: WAY too much filler that should have been on Raw or Smackdown. It’s a good show but at the same time the main events were just weak overall with neither new champion looking great at all. The right guys went over which helps a lot, but getting there didn’t work that well. Still a good show though.

Oh and see those trailers as they’re totally awesome.

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Road Wild 1998
Date: August 8, 1998
Location: Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Sturgis, South Dakota
Attendance: 8,500
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan

So we’re back to Sturgis again and we’re a month removed from Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman in the main event of a PPV. You know that means that we’re in for a real mat war tonight right? I mean they wouldn’t……oh screw the joke. It’s Hogan/Eric Bischoff vs. DDP/Jay Leno. In the words of some book I read once, yes, THAT Jay Leno. This is going to be a mess. Let’s get to it.

The opening is about motorcycles. And Leno.

Again I do have to give them this: the scenery is gorgeous.

The announcers talk about the main event and an NWO battle royal which has Goldberg in it. Oh I’ll have a few things to say about that one I think.

Gene is on a motorcycle and says nothing of note. Oh he’s plugging a motorcycle manufacturer that sponsors the show. Ok then.

Meng vs. Barbarian

Why they split is beyond me but this could be either half decent or dreadful. I’m leaning towards the former actually. This is a total brawl of course and they even throw in some sumo stuff. Meng controls some of it but walks into a belly to belly overhead suplex to put him down. Powerbomb by Barbarian is countered and Meng hits a piledriver.

Barbarian pops up but misses a headbutt. Meng goes up but Barbarian hits a belly to belly superplex to get two. Meng comes back with a powerslam and Jimmy Hart gets on the apron to do nothing of note. They slug it out and Barbarian takes over for a bit. Never mind as the Tongan Death Grip goes on for the pin.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t that bad actually. This was a power brawl and they beat each other up pretty well for about five minutes. Putting them in front of a crowd of bikers who want to see older names (just wait for Hogan’s pop later) fight made this an even better idea. This was far more entertaining than good.

Hugh Morrus comes in to save Jimmy from a beatdown but Jim Duggan comes in to save Meng. There’s something from Nitro involved here but just saying the word Nitro is all we get as far as a detailed explanation.

Public Enemy vs. Dancing Fools

The Dancing Fools are Alex Wright/Disco Inferno and they have some dancing Japanese guy named Tokyo Magnum. After Disco stalls for a bit we start with Rocco vs. Wright. Rock controls on the arm of Wright and the match is already really boring. Wright comes back with a dropkick and dances a bit. Off to Disco who dances as well. Tony thinks the fans would rather see wrestling than dancing. The ovations for WWE for the dance contests would disagree.

Off to Grunge and Disco hits a clothesline and brings Alex back in. Back to Rocco and the Dancers keep control. Grunge gets in a shot and the Public Enemy double teams a bit to a very modest reaction. Magnum hands in a trashcan which goes upside Grunge’s body and doesn’t draw a DQ for no apparent reason. Rock runs to the back and brings in a ladder. Tenay says this is now a street fight and hey, it’s WCW so that’s ok I guess.

The Fools try to leave and come back with a table. This is ridiculous. Disco grabs a mic and asks if they want to make this a street fight. Sure why not. Is this a house show? Public Enemy goes to the back and comes back with a kitchen sink, a toilet seat and some other stuff. This is making my head hurt. Public Enemy takes over because IT’S REALLY STUPID TO CHALLENGE THEM TO A STREET FIGHT.

A mailbox is brought in and goes upside Disco’s head. Wright suplexes Rock onto the trashcan so Grunge hits him with a cookie sheet. They set to put Wright through a table but Disco makes the save. The bikers rev their engines as the Fools take over. They keep hammering on each other and Magnum gets in. Heenan: “Why not?” My thoughts exactly. The Public Enemy hit stereo atomic drops but Wright kicks Grunge down.

Magnum accidentally hits Wright so Grunge hits Disco with the ladder. Wright and Tokyo walk out so Disco is alone. The Enemy sets up three tables as the “match” stops dead. Disco is dragged up the ladder and put on top. Rock climbs the structure around the ring and drives him through all three, throws Disco in the ring, lets Tokyo come off the top with a splash that hits Disco by mistake and this is FINALLY over.

Rating: N. As in nothing, which is what I’ve got. This went FIFTEEN MINUTES, therefore being the second longest match of the night. They made it a street fight for no apparent reason and the ending was a mess. I have no idea what was going on here, which I know I say a lot but in this case I really don’t. Who decided that THIS was a good idea?

Dean Malenko is a guest referee later and says he’ll be fair in the Cruiserweight Title match later.

Raven vs. Saturn vs. Chris Kanyon

This is under Raven’s Rules, which means hardcore. You know, after we just had a street fight. Tony says this is about Kanyon who has been missing lately but Raven says that Kanyon has been thinking about joining the Flock and making this a handicap match. Raven tells Kanyon to get him and Saturn jumps Kanyon. Raven brings in a chair and pops Saturn with it but Kanyon is quickly knocked to the floor.

Kanyon gets rammed into the post by Bird Boy but Kanyon pops back up and beats on Saturn. Heenan tries to explain who is on whose side here and I feel the need for a flow chart. Saturn and Kanyon finally figure out what’s going on and beat on Raven, including hitting Total Elimination. Kanyon legsweeps him and Saturn hits a guillotine legdrop but Kanyon breaks it up.

While Kanyon and Saturn fight, Raven comes in with a chair shot to both guys. We’re in standard triple threat territory here. Saturn and Raven go to the floor and Kanyon dives on them. They fight into the aisle which looks like a road. Saturn knocks Kanyon down and beats on Raven on what would usually be the stage. Kanyon piledrives him up there for two as Raven saves.

Raven dropkicks Kanyon and Kanyon falls down the ramp. Saturn dives off the stage to double clothesline them both and no one cares. Back to the ring and everyone is down. Heenan says he wishes he was in this match so he can give up. Saturn hooks a sleeper on Raven and Kanyon puts one on Saturn for the triple sleeper spot. Kanyon is in control now and loads up Saturn for a superplex, resulting in a Tower of Doom. What Raven exactly added to that I’m not sure but who cares?

Raven tries to double DDT the guys but only gets Saturn. Kanyon climbs the structure like Rocco did but the splash misses. Oh Lodi pulled Raven away. This match is going WAY too long again. Death Valley Driver by Saturn (finisher) puts Raven down but Lodi saves. Horace comes out with his stop sign but accidentally hits Rave, allowing the second DVD to get the pin for Saturn.

Rating: D+. This was another brawl and far better than the previous one, but that doesn’t really take a lot to accomplish. That being said, it’s still something we saw just a few minutes earlier and the relationship between the three is no clearer than it was when this started, making this whole match, say it with me, TOTALLY POINTLESS.

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

For the #1 contendership for the Cruiserweight Title. Psicosis takes him to the mat with a chinlock which is a strange thing to see opening the match. Now off to an armbar and then a wristlock. This match goes REALLY slowly as Rey takes a falcon’s arrow. No one cares about this match either, but that could be because they’re bikers instead of wrestling fans, but who cares about that?

In a cool move, Psicosis puts rey in the corner with Rey’s chest facing the buckle. He wraps Rey’s around around the ropes and pulls them back. Naturally it lasts about 2 seconds but whatever. We’re almost five minutes into this and Rey has had zero offense. Suplex puts Rey down but Psicosis does the really annoying jump into the feet thing to give Rey some control. Rey flies around and hits a rana to send Psicosis to the floor.

Back in Rey hits a nice top rope cross body for two. This crowd is driving me crazy. I mean they’re SILENT. GEE, MAYBE THIS WAS A REALLY STUPID IDEA, but how else could Eric Bischoff get to ride his big boy bike and then pay Leno a ton of money while not even getting a gate back to offset some of the costs? Off to a nerve hold as Tony talks about the effects of it. When has he ever been in a nerve hold?

An electric chair drop into a bridge gets two for Psicosis. Rey gets sent to the floor now because Heaven forbid this match gets interesting or some crazy stuff like that. Great. A FREAKING HALF CRAB. YOU GUYS ARE CRUISERWEIGHTS!!! ACT LIKE IT! Psicosis lets go of the hold after about two seconds like a video game as the fans shout boring. Yeah and they’re right. A top rope rana puts Rey down for two. Psicosis goes up for something and is dropkicked to the floor.

Rey FINALLY hits a nice springboard somersault plancha to the floor. Springboard sunset flip gets two. Rey hits a pretty cool leverage assisted Fameasser. He hits the ropes again and Psicosis counters into a flapjack position but slams Mysterio down, almost like a spinebuster. Just to tick me off even more (and believe me, this show is doing a GREAT job of that), Tony says it was like a jackknife powerbomb. I hate Eric Bischoff. I hate that he made good announcers into idiots that couldn’t have an intelligent bone in their bodies because it might make someone actually think in this company. West Coast Pop FINALLY ends this.

Rating: D. It’s not a failure because of some cool moves by Rey, but this was SO boring. Psicosis kept standing around after almost every move he did, almost half of the match was a Psicosis squash, and the knee work did nothing at all. This was terribly boring with neither guy caring at all. To be fair to them though, would you be?

We’re seventy minutes into this show and I hate it. I absolutely cannot stand this show. The matches SUCK, the fans don’t care (BECAUSE THEY AREN’T WRESTLING FANS), Public freaking Enemy gets FIFTEEN MINUTES because they got ripped off from ECW and Eric has to shove more of that down our throats because he’s too freaking stupid to come up with anything on his own (notice Total Elimination and the triple sleeper spot in the threeway, both ECW standards), the wrestlers don’t care because the fans don’t care, AND JAY FREAKING LENO IS IN THE MAIN EVENT because him liking motorcycles makes this a good idea. This company deserved to die.

ON WITH THE SHOW!!!

TV Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Stevie Ray

Stevie is defending because Booker is hurt I think and Chavo is nuts. Chavo says he’s TV Champion because he wrote up a contract saying so. This sounds stupid but my goodness this is a breath of air and it’s not even funny. Oh apparently Booker hasn’t approved Stevie to be champion. Ok then. Eh screw it we’ll call this a title match anyway.

The stick horse Chavo has says he’s the champion. Chavo desperately wants a handshake but Ray runs away from it. They go to the floor and nothing happens. Chavo runs on the floor again and Stevie chases him. This goes on for a minute and a half. Slapjack (elevated Pedigree) ends this quick. Jericho would win the TV Title two days later (this was on a Saturday) on Nitro. Why did this match exist?

Stevie goes after Chavo some more but Eddie makes the save.

Jericho gives his usual funny promo about a conspiracy against him and how Malenko is in on it.

Rick Steiner vs. Scott Steiner

This is a big grudge match that has been building for months. This HAS TO be good. And here’s JJ Dillon to say there’s no match. Buff Bagwell wheels out Scott on a stretcher taking oxygen and in a bunch of bandages. The fans LOUDLY boo this out of the non-building. Bagwell says Scott is injured and can’t wrestle. Dillon guarantees it’ll happen at Fall Brawl. OH SCREW YOU. SCREW YOU WCW. This show has SUCKED for the last eighty minutes and now they pull a freaking bait and switch. This is ridiculous.

Rick comes after him and just because WCW wants to FURTHER tick off its fans, Scott gets up and runs away.

Brian Adams vs. Steve McMichael

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHY????? Who booked this nonsense? Who in the world freaking thought BRIAN ADAMS needed to be on a PPV against Steve McMichael? Mongo wants to reform the Horsemen or something but Anderson wants nothing to do with it. This is something that should be a dark match on Thunder, not in the middle of a horrible PPV. Adams is NWO if that means anything to you.

And on top of all that, the match is HORRIBLE. Irish whip, Mongo botches a punch from Adams, Mongo botches a shoulder block, Mongo grabs him around the head and SLOWLY pulls him down which was supposed to be a DDT. Adams goes to the floor for advice from Vincent. Back in he catches a boot in the corner and kind of powerbombs Mongo. When Brian Adams (Crush for those of you who can’t place his name) is the much more polished guy in a match, you can tell something is wrong.

Adams puts on a nerve hold and the fans are somehow more silent. Usually tonight we’ve had random shouts and such like that, but this is even more quiet as they’re not even doing that. Out to the floor and Mongo goes into the steps. After a backbreaker, Mongo comes back with a kind of belly to back suplex. Mongo takes out the knees but they botch something else, making it look like a claw hold from Adams but Mongo falls down like a clothesline. And now there’s a ref bump. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Vincent accidentally hits Adams with a chair and the tombstone gives Mongo the win.

Rating: N. As in nothing, which is what I have left at this point. Why in the world was this on PPV? Is this what WCW thought was going to be able to fight off Summerslam later in the month which had Rock vs. HHH in a ladder match? Tony has the nerve to call this an upset. Mongo may suck but he used to be a Horseman and US Champion. HOW IS THAT AN UPSET??? Why am I trying to figure out freaking Tony Schiavone at this point?

Gene talks to some team of girls from the motorcycle sponsor.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho is defending and has been finding ways out of losing the title for months, including going to the Library of Congress to find a rulebook from the NWA to get out a defense. Malenko is the referee here and Jericho thinks he’s in on a conspiracy against him. Juvy is unmasked by this point. Oh ok Dean might be in on a conspiracy because he can’t face Jericho for the title again so Jericho think Dean is trying to screw him out of the title so he can get a shot. See? You see how easy that was? WHY DON’T THEY DO THAT MORE OFTEN???

Juvy hits a dropkick for a quick advantage but Jericho kicks him down. Jericho knocks him to the floor and yells at Dean, who throws him into the corner as a result. Juvy comes back in with a missile dropkick to send Jericho to the floor. Guerrera rams him into apron face first but misses a plancha over the top and off the platform that the ring is on. Back in Juvy hits a slingshot legdrop for two. I think he caught Jericho a bit on the plancha to explain why he’s not dead.

A jawbreaker gives Jericho control but Juvy immediately comes back with a springboard crossbody for two. Dean is calling it fair so far. Juvy goes up for a cross body off the top but gets caught in a powerslam/piledriver combo. I think that was what they were going for off the springboard version but it didn’t come off quite right. It looked ok though. Suplex gets two. Dean is counting a little slow for Jericho’s covers. It’s not horrible but it should be faster.

Juvy heads to the floor as the match stalls a bit more. There’s been a lot of that but this has been BY FAR the best match of the night so far. Back in a backsplash gets two for Chris. Off to a chinlock which only lasts for a few seconds. Guerrera reverses a suplex into one of his own but Jericho knocks him down immediately. Lionsault gets knees but Juvy comes back again with a headscissors and cross body. I know this sounds like a big back and forth fast paced match, but it’s going very slowly. It’s still good but it’s not really working all that well.

Jericho hits the double powerbomb but walks around instead of going for the Liontamer. Heenan said he should go for the Liontamer so you know it’s a good idea. Out to the floor again and Jericho is in control. Back inside Jericho gets a clothesline for two. Dean hasn’t meant much at all here. Chris chops him and does his own WOO in a funny bit. Juvy hits a DDT to counter a powerbomb out of nowhere for two.

Juvy Driver gets two and Guerrera isn’t sure what to do. They’re trying to kick it into high gear here but it’s really not coming yet. Juvy loads up the 450 but gets crotched. A superplex puts the challenger down but Chris can’t cover. Juvy actually gets the cover for two. That’s not something you often see. Juvy tries a rana but gets caught in the Liontamer but Juvy gets the ropes before the hold was fully on.

Jericho yells at Malenko which allows Juvy to pounds Chris in the corner. Dean takes a finger in the eye and Jericho hits Juvy in the head with the title for a VERY close two. Dean was going to count three but there was a kickout. Jericho goes up top but Juvy smacks him enough to slow him down. Chris kicks Dean in the chest for no apparent reason, so Dean launches a charging Juvy into the air so Juvy can hit a hurricanrana off the top for the pin and the title.

Rating: B-. Good match and BY FAR the best match of the night, but it’s nothing classic. If there was EVER a time that called for two guys capable of putting on a showstealing classic, this was it. Instead though, it was more walking around and not doing anything more than a decent match. That being said, I’d rather watch these two for seventeen minutes than anything else on the show for more than 8 seconds.

Battle Royal

Scott Hall, The Giant, Curt Hennig, Scott Norton, Kevin Nash, Lex Luger, Sting, Konna, Goldberg

Now THIS is where the main event booking gets illogical and where anyone paying attention would be able to figure out the smart move. This is Black and White (first four names listed), Wolfpack (next four names listed) and Goldberg. Now Goldberg is world champion at this point but doesn’t have an opponent to face for the most part. Giant (he and Hall are tag champions) has been “making it personal” with Goldberg lately. Now, common sense would say that Goldberg gets eliminated here and either the guy that eliminates him or the winner is his next feud.

However, that might mess with Goldberg’s winning streak. Ok, no problem. Common sense would say that he’s in the main event with Leno against Hogan/Bischoff. Goldberg won the title from Hogan about a month before this, so there’s a story put in already. Since this is WCW where logic and common sense are bad words, that’s NOT what they did. Hall does the survey, the fans like Goldberg. Entrances and survey take almost ten minutes. For absolutely no apparent reason, you can win by over the top elimination or pinfall. Not submission, just pinfall.

Goldberg stays in the corner to start as the Outsiders fight. Giant and Goldberg go at it to a big reaction. Total PPV matches those two had against each other: zero. Everyone else stands around and “brawls” on the ropes. Nash hits him with a big boot but Hall’s Outsider’s Edge is countered by Goldberg to put him out. Nash jumps out on his own because HEAVEN FORBID someone beneath him like THE FREAKING WORLD CHAMPION gets to put Nash out.

Goldberg spears Hennig and Tony Schiavone calls it the Goldberg Spike. There are four words you need to remember for Goldberg: jackhammer, streak, Goldberg and SPEAR. Do you see the word spike in there? No? Then why did Tony say it? That would be because TONY SCHIAVONE IS A FRICKIN MORON! Goldie hides in the corner but gets in a fight with Giant which goes nowhere. Tenay says that this Goldberg is in this match so that he can get his hands on Giant. PPV title match? What’s that?

Basically unless Goldberg is doing something, this match is really boring and no one cares. Sting puts Hennig in the Scorpion but it doesn’t mean anything because he’s not….ok apparently you can be put out by submission. Sure why in the world not? Spear puts Konnan out. Hennig has Goldberg off the mat but can’t put him out.

Giant suplexes Goldberg but Goldberg pops up, spears Hennig and tosses him. And Norton. Sting too. Might as well eliminate Luger too. Giant threw the last one out so we’re down to two. Chokeslam plants Goldberg so Goldberg channels his inner Taker and sits up. It was an Undertaker situp which made me chuckle. Spear and Jackhammer end this.

Rating: F. So not only was it boring, not only was it stupid booking because Goldberg dominated everyone and pinned Giant with ease, but Tony tries to claim that makes Goldberg 136-0, after he came in 129-0, because he eliminated six people. THEY CAN’T EVEN GET COUNTING RIGHT!!!

We recap the main event feud, involving Hogan and Bischoff “taking over” the Tonight Show.

Oh and the ring announcer changed halfway through the show for no apparent reason.

Hulk Hogan/Eric Bischoff vs. Jay Leno/Diamond Dallas Page

This is going to be awful isn’t it? I mean, at least with Rodman and Malone last month, they were ATHLETES. Bischoff gets to be in the main event in front of bikers though so he’s TOUGH. They come out to the theme of the Tonight Show and have Kevin Eubanks with them. This can’t end well. I mean it CAN’T.

The ring announcer says Page is 6’0 after him being billed as 6’5 forever. To Jay’s credit, he’s getting in the ring. Just to be clear, I have no issue with Leno in this. He’s a celebrity and is getting a check for this and looks like he’s having fun so I can’t say much there. Now WCW on the other hand, I have no issue complaining about. Leno throws water on Bischoff to make the NWO bail.

Did I mention there are twenty minutes left in this show? Leno has been training for ten whole days for this. Page and Hogan start things off. Eubanks is kind of ripped. This whole feud is about Eric having his own talk show on Nitro. Stalling to start until Page works on the arm of Hulk. Page punches him into the corner and Leno gets in a left hand. Hogan is knocked to the floor and Eubanks rams him into the post…..AND DOES IT PRETTY FREAKING WELL! That actually looked good.

Page gets caught in the corner and Leno charges in to save him. It doesn’t go anywhere but he’s got energy. Bischoff comes in and the tag is made to Leno. Bischoff runs so we actually get Leno vs. Hogan. Leno points at his chin which is kind of funny. He makes bald jokes and no contact has been made yet. Leno ducks a punch and tags in Page. Jay manages to start a DDP chant. Like I said, the guy is trying.

Page works on the arm and tags in Jay for a wristlock. To the announcers’ credit, unlike last month they’re reasonable here and say that Jay is doing well but they don’t blow it out of proportion. Hogan gets him into the corner and whispers to him before kneeing him in the ribs. Leno tags out but Page tags him back in. Jay’s face is priceless. They hit a double clothesline and Leno gets two on Hogan. He avoids a shot and runs over to tag out, looking like he needs oxygen, a box of Twinkies and a jacuzzi.

Out to the floor and I think Hogan punches a chair that Kevin was holding. Page no sells an Eric kick and I think we’ll have the wrestlers in there for the vast majority of the match. Scratch that of course as Bischoff comes in. He fires off some kicks and Tony praises him so he gets to eat this month. Disciple throws in a foreign object for Hogan to clock Page with so Eric can get two.

This has to be about over. I mean, it has to be. Hogan hits the big boot but Page moves before the legdrop. Discus lariat takes Hogan down and it’s time for Leno vs. Bischoff. Eric pokes him in the eye but Leno hits him low. He “punches” Eric a few times and rams him into the corner ten times (the bikers mess up the count but Leno gets it right) and is spent. Hogan comes in and accidentally hits Eric as everything breaks down. Eubanks comes in and hits a decent Diamond Cutter on Bischoff so Leno can get the pin.

Rating: D. Ok this is a different kind of match to grade. On one hand, this was a HORRIBLE match and as a match on its own, it’s one of the worst main events ever. On the other hand, if you didn’t expect that coming in, you’re an idiot. Leno tried and when he was in there, he was playing to the crowd and was moving around. I can’t fault him a bit for what he did because it was fine. The wrestlers did nothing and Eric continues to have no business in a ring. Horrible match, but you knew what you were paying for when you bought this show.

Post match the NWO beats down the winners until Goldberg makes the save (while wearing the belt. I don’t know if it’s that this has been one of the worst shows ever or if it’s that this is being written at 3:30am, but that cracked me up) to end the show.

Overall Rating: Failure. I usually would just put F, but I want to make it clear what I mean here. This was perhaps the absolute worst wrestling show I have ever sat through. It took me three days to watch it all because I couldn’t sit through it at once. The BEST match on the show is a so-so Cruiserweight Title match that would be one of the worst you’ll remember between those two.

As for the rest of it, no. There is no way that a company could look at its fans and call this an acceptable wrestling show. From STUPID stuff like making matches street fights on the fly to three ways that flat out steal spots from ECW, to Adams vs. McMichael to not having Rick vs. Scott to wasting PPV matches for months on end to make Goldberg look strong to the SECOND STRAIGHT MONTH of celebrity main events, this was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen and I never want to think of it again. Stay FAR away from this unless you worship Jay Leno.

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This is a tricky situation.On one hand, it’s a GREAT show with a masterpiece of a main event.  On the other hand, it’s a show focusing on a man who was a crazy murderer who committed suicide.  So what do you do with this show if you’re WWE?

 

It’s Wrestlemania 20 and a show that you can’t just pretend didn’t happen.  The problem is that you can’t really talk about it because there’s a huge issue with it.  To me, this is the one Benoit show you kind of need to air.  At this point, Benoit wasn’t an evil man and was one of the top guys in the company if not the top guy.  I think it needs to be acknowledged, but there should be a disclaimer of some kind if it’s ever aired somewhere else.

 

Thoughts?

Wrestlemania 20
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
Star Spangled Banner: Harlem Boys Choir

This just feels right. Wrestlemania is supposed to be at MSG. This show is considered to be the show where the new generation took control as Cena debuted, Eddie was defending a title, and Benoit challenged for a title. Sadly, two of them are gone now so those plans have been completely derailed.

This show is the first of the modern HOF induction shows as well as having the first smaller arena show in four years. I’m split on that actually. The smaller shows are better in the sense that it’s more personalized and there simply isn’t a place better than MSG, but the stadiums show off the spectacle more. Really depends on what you like. Anyway, let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful and we go into the opening video. This is definitely the biggest show of all time with major matches and us at Madison Square Garden. The main event is Benoit vs. Shawn vs. HHH which has the problem of Shawn. There is zero point to having him in there but he’s there so that HHH doesn’t have to job to Benoit clean. Whatever I guess.

To end the video we see Vince, Shane and Vince’s grandson, which I believe is the first time Vince’s grandchildren have appeared on WWE programming.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is the rapper at this point and hasn’t really gotten established at all at this point. He had been around a little under two years at this point and had turned mega face. You could see that he had what it took back then but he was being paced along very well. Show is champion coming into this. He was more or less worthless (yeah a stretch I know) as champion here so the ending wasn’t really in doubt.

John does his represent thing before the match starts. Dang you could see the star just trying to break out in him. He does a quick rap about Show and says Show is a gorilla. Cena’s hand is taped up so maybe he’s hurt or something. This isn’t really funny or anything but it gets the crowd going which is the point. Granted it’s a New York crowd so it’s not like it takes much work overall.

The title literally looks like a toy on Show’s shoulder. This is serious Show who has been motivated/focused lately which means he’ll lose a big match soon. Cena tries to get around the power to start which doesn’t really work at all. He gets sent to the floor and needs to rethink his strategy. Show allegedly retired Hogan in this building. Which retirement was that?

A cross body off the top by Cena of course fails as it always has against Show. Cena gets the powerslam that he deserves for being an idiot like that. He hammers away which gets him nowhere other than clotheslined down with ease. They have the picture of the current match on the opposite side from the cameras which is a cool thing to see.

Show suplexes Cena and he goes flying which makes John look like a toy. I know you hear that a lot but it’s true here. Headbutt puts Cena down and Show stands on his back. Cena hammers away but gets kicked in the face to end that. Show adds that standing legdrop that I think is called the Showstopper depending on who you listen to for two. The fans chant for Cena.

Cena tries a sleeper which is broken up rather quickly. This has more or less been all Show. Cobra Clutch by Show and Cena is in trouble. Naturally he just lets it go to put it right back on. Cena fights back with right hands and takes the knee out to send Show’s face into the buckle. FU gets two and Cena isn’t sure what to do now. Cena grabs the chain he brought with him but throws it down to distract the referee. The knuckles he carried with him also winds up going upside Show’s head and Cena has his first title.

Rating: C-. Basic big man vs. little man match here but at the same time, not much going on with it at all. Show dominated and Cena hit like three moves to take over and win the thing. That being said, the fans were into Cena which is the whole point. Not bad but kind of generic overall.

Coach is in the back and runs into some random people that aren’t important before saying hi to Teddy Long. He goes into Bischoff’s office to find he and Johnny Spade. Spade had just gotten a name change from Johnny Blaze. A few weeks later he was Johnny Nitro, and a few years later he was John Morrison. Didn’t realize he’d been there that long. Coach is told to go find the Undertaker, who was redebuting for the 58th time tonight.

Evolution minus HHH is in the back and Orton says he’s going to become a hardcore legend. As a former OVW Hardcore Champion, he’s well on his way. He never did that, but he got close a month later at Backlash. If you haven’t seen that match, go do so immediately. Well worth the 15 minutes it takes up. Anyway we see a clip of Orton hurting Foley back in June as this was almost a year long storyline. Oh and he’s IC Champion. The idea is that Foley is scared of Orton but has a backbone now. Oh and Rock is with him for a handicap match. That always helps.

Raw Tag Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Wow. You can see the division dying as we speak. The Dudleyz would more or less be gone in four months, save for the One Night Stand main event. We then have the one decent tag team on the brand at the time, and then two generic guys packaged as a “team”. RVD and Booker are your odd combination tag team. This is one fall to a finish. The remix of RVD and Booker’s songs was really quite bad.

Dupree vs. Van Dam to start us off here. Booker comes in quickly and gets a superkick to Renee for two. Bubba is tagged in. Why would you tag out here if it’s one fall to a finish? The Dudleys are faces for this week. The fans already want tables. At least they’re patient as they waited a full minute before starting that chant here.

Ross thinks Booker is a young man. That’s rather amusing. Bubba tries to do the suck on this deal and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. This is more or less RVD/Booker vs. the Dudleys with two other teams in the background. Jindrak gets two on Booker. It’s Garrison Cade at this point too. Who thought that would be a good name? I mean dude, Garrison Cade? Really?

Dupree comes in and La Resistance takes over for a bit. It’s Dupree/Conway in this form of La Resistance as that team changed every few months. No real reason given for why these teams are in here but does it really matter? The fans chant for USA while Conway, the American, is in there. Conway gets an elbow for two, which JR says was opportunistic. How? Isn’t that like doing his job?

Conway uses a bow and arrow hold for awhile to kill some time. Spinebuster gets Booker out of trouble. Wow Van Dam was in a good amount of worthless tag teams. RVD comes in and cleans house. The Five Star is blocked as D-Von shoves him off the top. Everything breaks down and it’s Booker (illegal) vs. D-Von (also illegal). 3D is broken up by Cade and then an axe kick sets up the Five Star on Conway for the champions to retain.

Rating: D. Totally boring match here that should have been on Raw. The division if you want to call it that was completely dead by this point and nothing was going to save it. The titles needed to be unified back then but wouldn’t be until 2010. Weak match that had no need to be on Mania in the slightest.

In the basement, the Coach hears noises coming from behind a door and opens it to find Gene Okerlund trying to get dressed. He tries to explain why he’s there and Bobby Heenan stumbles out half dressed as well. Coach says it’s not what you think. There was a poker game according to Heenan. Moolah and Mae pop out and drag the guys back in where frightening sounds are heard. One of my all time favorite segments.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which was a great storyline. This started with Jericho and Christian betting a Canadian Dollar that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Trish found out about the bet and got all ticked off. Jericho fell for Trish and Christian tried to get his head back on straight. This led to Christian vs. Trish with Christian hurting Trish. Tonight is the grudge match. This was a great buildup and the video has me wanting to see the match years later. That’s a really good sign.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

 

I guess Lita was just dropped from this after awhile for reasons unknown. They lock up for a bit and then Jericho is like screw it and takes Christian down with right hands. Clothesline takes him down again. Christian sends him to the apron but gets backdropped to the floor. All Jericho in the opening few minutes and we get a big Y2J chant.

Jericho hits that springboard cross body to the floor and then sends Christian into the barricade. Back in and Christian’s sunset flip attempt is countered into the Walls. They’re not applied though and Christian is able to get a thumb to the eye and then dump Jericho to the floor. Christian chokes away and talks trash to Jericho at the same time. He’s multi-tasking I guess.

Knee to the ribs by Christian as the fans are surprisingly quiet here. They don’t seem bored though and are instantly back into it when Christian hits a chinlock. I guess they’re interested here. Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out which gets him two. Ah the old hair attack. Haven’t seen that in years. Back to the chinlock but Jericho tries for the Walls again and again they don’t work.

Christian chokes away but Jericho fights back. Off to a neck crank for a second but Jericho is taken down by the hair as he tries to escape. Hey here’s another chinlock. Walls are attempted again and again fails. Spinwheel kick gets two on Jericho. Jericho gets a forearm and a knee to the back as he’s starting a comeback. Running enziguri gets two.

Rollup by both guys gets two and Christian’s had a handful of ropes. Northern Lights Suplex by Jericho gets two. Lionsault attempt winds up eating knees but the Unprettier can’t hit either. Reverse tornado DDT out of the corner gets two for Christian. They’re moving a lot more out there now. Backbreaker by Christian and he goes up. Jericho is slammed off and Christian hits a cross body which is rolled through for two by Jericho.

Christian throws on a Texas Cloverleaf and Jericho is in trouble. This is the first time they’ve had a bit of a break in a good while. Jericho breaks that and tries the Walls for the fourth time which doesn’t work either. He finally gets them on the fifth try but on the floor. As Christian tries to get back in he gets caught in a double underhook suplex off the top for two.

And here comes Trish. I’m pretty sure you know how this is going to end but she looks great in a tied off shirt so I can’t complain. Edgecution by Christian gets a long two. Christian drags Trish in and shoves her down. Trish “accidentally” nails Jericho and Christian gets a rollup and the win with it.

Rating: B. Decent match but it could have been a lot more. This was a match where the buildup was better than the match. The feud would continue for a good while though and it continued to be rather solid. Fun stuff here and pure popcorn soap opera stuff which is usually a good combination.

Post match Trish slaps Jericho, turning heel and leaves with Christian. The crowd is TICKED as Trish and Christian kiss to a big reaction as they leave.

Now we get to one of the more entertaining part of the show. Foley is talking about being nervous about having his first match in four years but Rock pops up and cuts him off. He talks about how there’s no reason to be nervous because everyone knows what’s coming. Hurricane and Rosey know it. Don Muraco and Jimmy Snuka know it.

But most importantly the people know it. Make sure you get a shot of the people. Rock says let’s go take care of Evolution, if you smell what the Rock (Foley: and Sock) IS COOKING! Funny promo.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Now this has an interesting backstory to it. Back in December, Orton was on his Legend Killer gimmick and called out Foley. Foley got ready to fight him but at the last minute bailed out, allowing Orton to spit on him and walk out of the arena, branding him as a coward. At the Royal Rumble, Orton had made a long run but Foley entered at #21 and beat the crap out of Orton.

The problem with this was that when you go after Orton, you get all of Evolution. Except HHH who had more important things to do than fight two first ballot Hall of Famers. This made it 3-1, so Foley needed help. Rock returns to help his friend, and we get this as the end result. If you ever want to see the match that almost single handedly got Batista and Orton over, this is it. It was them being in there with the big boys and we could see what they can do.

I love the old school vs. new school dynamic here. The Rock N Sock Connection hit the ring and the fight is on. Rock vs. Batista is really weird to see. How weird is it that Rock retired younger than Foley? Rock vs. Flair is something that is just awesome to look at and it officially starts us off here. Rock does Flair’s strut and they lock up.

Out to the floor and Flair slips a thumb into the eye. That gets him nowhere as he gets slammed on the floor and Foley adds an elbow off the apron. Off to Orton now and Foley wants in. Orton bails but Foley somehow catches him and the beating is on. Back in with Foley in control. Rock comes in and punches Orton in the balls and then Flair smacks him in the back of the head.

Rock fights off Evolution but gets caught by Batista on the floor with the power game. Off to Orton vs. Rock in the ring now with Orton hammering away. Make that Batista. He’s not as big as he would get but still gets two off an elbow drop. Flair comes in now and throws chops in the corner. He tries to strut and gets his head taken off by a running clothesline. Well why mess with the basics?

Like an idiot, Flair goes up and gets slammed down. Why is anyone surprised at that? Off to Batista who hammers away. The crowd being all attentive is weird. Rock gets a clothesline to Batista and it’s off to Foley now. Double arm DDT is blocked and it’s a slug out. Running knee in the corner is stopped by a clothesline though. That’s a popular move in this match isn’t it?

On the floor Foley grabs the Claw on Orton out of nowhere. This is a good match so it’s hard to make jokes here. For the 1000^th time in his career Foley’s knees slam into the steps with a LOUD bang. Orton in now who hammers away even more. Make that Flair who chops Foley down and then they slug it out. Foley takes him down but Orton comes in for a chinlock/face pull to stop Foley.

Batista comes in as Evolution keeps up that fast tagging. He starts the ground and pound on Foley but Mick slips a hand up and grabs the Claw to break it up. Orton comes in for the save and they keep tagging in and out very quickly. Swinging neckbreaker to Batista buys Foley some time and a double clothesline buys him even more time.

Flair comes in to break up the tag but a shot to the head is enough to bring in Rock who cleans house. DDTs and right hands all around but a Batista spinebuster takes him down. And now Flair wants to do the People’s Elbow. Rock nips up while Flair struts and drills him. There’s a spinebuster for Flair and it’s the REAL People’s Elbow, complete with Rock’s 8^th strut of the match.

RKO doesn’t work but the Rock Bottom does. Flair makes a last second save and then SPRINTS around the ring to grab a chair. Batista Bomb to Rock which gets two for Orton. Rock manages to bring in Foley and he finally gets his hands on Orton. Foley loads up Socko but takes too long and Orton grabs a quick RKO for the pin. Foley sits up afterwards which I like as it makes it look like Foley got stunned but not knocked out. And that my friends, is how you put people over.

Rating: A. This wasn’t so much a great match but rather a work of art out there. They knew what they were doing and the two old masters made stars out of young guys. This is what you’re supposed to do out there as the old guys look great as well and like I said, it was a quick win rather than a dominating one. The key thing there though was that it was a win. Great stuff and worth seeing for what it means to put someone over.

Rock and Foley get a standing ovation as they deserve.

This year’s HOF class is honored. No big name here except Jesse Ventura. Next year it really picks up though. Heenan breaking up over wishing Monsoon was there with him is a very touching moment. Harley Race and Tito Santana go in too. teases running for President in 2008.

They bring them out into the arena to have Mean Gene do the presentations to the crowd. The full list is Bobby Heenan (can barely talk due to throat cancer. The fans chant weasel and Heenan’s reaction is of course hilarious), Tito Santana (one of the most underrated guys ever despite being considered great), Big John Studd (dead, his son is here), Harley Race (one of the best heels ever), Pete Rose (deserves to be in due to what he did at Mania. He was said to be incredibly gracious about being in so I can live with this).

Back to the wrestlers with Don Muraco (took the Snuka Splash that apparently every wrestler ever was inspired by), Great Valentine (gets one of the biggest pops surprisingly enough. Looks JUST like he did in the ring and still does to this day as far as I know), Junkyard Dog (Also dead, his daughter is here for him. It was her high school graduation that he died on the way home from), Billy Graham (perhaps the most influential heel of all time), Sgt. Slaughter (go watch the Alley Fight with Pat Patterson. Incredible fight), and Jesse Ventura (do I need to explain this one?

What’s the best way to follow that up? With this of course:

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Instead of the traditional rules, this is pinfall. Blast it. This is happening because Torrie/Sable are in Playboy. Sable was doing a weird lesbian kind of thing at the time with Torrie, which is odd because Torrie had just come off a lesbian angle with Dawn, which ended apparently in her screwing Dawn.

Sable requests they all start in their underwear. Taz and Cole are cracking up over a joke Taz makes. It actually was funny and tells me these guys are funny in real life. I’m trying not to pay attention here as this is depressing. Torrie and Sable win.

Rating: F. I hate these things. They’re a total waste of time, we’ve seen the girls like this before, and it’s nothing special at all. Total waste of about 9 minutes.

We get some clips from Axxess.

Eddie comes in to talk to Benoit who is very nervous to say the least. He says that win or lose, he’ll be proud of Chris. Benoit says he won’t lose. Eddie says no one really expects Benoit to win, more or less sealing his title win. Benoit says he’s proud of Eddie for winning the WWE Title and Eddie starts laughing. He wants Benoit to get fired up and Benoit is. Tonight they both walk out world champions.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

This is a ten man gauntlet match. Think Tag Team Turmoil with the champion, Chavo Jr., going tenth. Everyone stands at ringside so I’ll just list them off as they go in. Rey comes out last and is the Flash this year. Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore to start and they’re moving out there, getting three two counts in maybe 40 seconds. Back suplex by Shannon gets two. Whisper in the Wind by Moore misses and Dragon hits the Asai DDT (sets for a Stunner but backflips over Shannon to slam the back of his head into the mat. Looks great) for the pin. I hope this isn’t a pattern.

Jamie Noble is in third and he jumps Dragon to take an early advantage. Dragon unleashes the kicks but misses a moonsault. A neckbreaker by Noble sets up a guillotine choke by Noble to get rid of Dragon.

Funaki comes in and is rolled up and pinned in 4 seconds. I hate these kind of matches for stupid stuff like these last two eliminations. This would never happen in a regular match and makes Funaki and Dragon look like blundering morons.

Nunzio comes in next and begs off instead of charging, which I think is logical here. They trade some holds and Nunzio gets a victory roll for two. Big kick gets two for Nunzio. He tries an O’Connor Roll but Noble ducks to send him to the floor. Noble dives on him with a front flip to put both guys down and Nunzio is counted out.

Billy Kidman is in now and Nunzio trips Noble. Kidman climbs the ropes and throws a Shooting Star Press but underrotates and lands ON TOP OF HIS HEAD! That gets two in the ring and Noble grabs that guillotine again. It’s easily reversed and Kidman adds a running enziguri. He tries the Shooting Star again but Noble runs up to block it. Short powerbomb off the middle ropes gets rid of Noble though as that might have been the longest fall at just under two minutes.

Rey comes in and gets half killed by a dropkick. He gets whipped in and baseball slides between Kidman’s legs while on his back. Kind of awesome. Kidman takes over after some interference from Tajiri’s friend Akio for no apparent reason. They go to the corner and Mysterio gets a sunset bomb to end Kidman.

Tajiri in next and he grabs the Tarantula very quickly. Handspring elbow is blocked by a dropkick and there’s the 619. Akio interferes again and winds up taking the mist to the face. Rey grabs a rollup to end Tajiri.

Akio can’t fight because of the mist. Whatever.

Tajiri kicks Rey in the head and it’s down to Chavo and Mysterio. Rey avoids a charge and gets a rana to take over. Down goes Chavo Senior via a baseball slide. The referee won’t let Rey dive on him though. Dang it give us our injured senior citizens! Ok he’s in his mid 50s here but he looks about 80. Rey is like screw it and dives over the referee to crush Chavo Senior. He tries a sunset flip but Chavo grabs the hand of his son to get the pin to retain. So Chavo pinned Rey in about 1:50? Got it.

Rating: D+. That’s overall. The problem here is simple: they went through it WAY too fast and it was impossible to get into any of the matches. These things need like 30 minutes to work which is why you never see them. This would have been WAY better as a fatal fourway but since both tag titles are in that format we had this. Not a fan of these at all because they make the guys in them look far too beatable.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock. Goldberg was #30 in the Rumble and was being interviewed prior to the match. Lesnar got annoyed that he wasn’t being interviewed since he was WWE Champion at the time. He came in and beat up Goldberg in the Rumble so that Angle could eliminate him after Goldberg was dominating. Austin gave Goldberg a ticket to No Way Out and said don’t do anything he wouldn’t do. Goldberg speared Brock and Eddie won the title because of it (great match if you’ve never seen it).

Austin was named guest referee and then Lesnar popped up and gave Austin an F5. This basically turned into Austin vs. Lesnar instead with Goldberg being on the side. Lesnar stole Austin’s four wheeler and ticking Austin off. Austin beat Lesnar up and took it back, which totally took the spotlight off of Goldberg to eventually set up Brock vs. Austin.

However, this was Lesnar’s last WWE match s he went to the NFL and then the UFC, which made Austin more or less pointless here. Oh and it’s Goldberg’s last match too. Think they’re going to give it that old college try and work as hard as they can? If so, you’re not that smart.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Let the chanting begin! The shorts on Goldberg never looked right. They stand around for about 20 seconds and we get to the far more interesting part of this match: the crowd. Almost immediately we get a YOU SOLD OUT chant directed at Lesnar. It’s one of the loudest you’ll ever hear outside of Philly and it shakes the guys up it seems. The announcers actually acknowledge it which is saying a lot.

Make that a minute of standing around. There’s the Goodbye Song as they’ve literally stood there staring at each other for a minute and a half. Ross tells us Lesnar is gone and they shout F Bombs at each other. Two minutes with zero contact at all. Now the fans chant for Austin, likely wanting him to Stun them both and just end it at that. Two and a half minutes now. This is all considered part of the match mind you.

At 2:45 they lock up. Amusingly enough Goldberg is called a mixed martial arts aficionado. They go down to their knees in a lockup. That eats up literally 45 seconds and it’s back to staring at each other. We’re four minutes into a thirteen and a half minute match and the total amount of contact is 45 seconds, literally all of which is on a lockup. Think about paying a ticket to see this, one of the feature matches, and getting this. They deserve the crowd reaction they’re getting.

They lock up again and that eats up almost 30 more seconds. The crowd chants THIS MATCH SUCKS and they’re right. The first offensive move of the match comes five minutes in (and yes I’m counting via a counter on the video) with a headlock by Lesnar that goes nowhere. They exchange shoulder blocks and then knock each other down with them. We’re 6:30 into this now and the move list in its entirety is: tie up, tie up, head lock, Goldberg shoulder block, Lesnar shoulder block, double shoulder block.

FINALLY things pick up a bit as Lesnar kicks away. Goldberg is like screw that and press slams him, bringing him down with a half spear/half spinebuster. The regular spear misses though and Goldberg goes chest first into the post. We hit the floor for some Lesnar dominance. I guess that was all the offense Goldberg had in him. The fans aren’t that impressed and tell Goldberg that he sucks.

Back in now and Lesnar really upgrades his offense with a suplex. Into a headlock with an arm trap. This is terrible. This eats up about a minute until Goldberg flips him to ZERO pop. Oh hey let’s go right back to the hold again because it worked so well the first time. Then they ram into each other again and are both down. The fans are ticked here by the way.

Ross calls the match pedestrian. No Ross, taking a walk would be way more interesting than this. The fans boo the heck out of it as Goldberg makes his comeback. The crowd is chanting for Hogan. In 2004. Wow. Spinning neckbreaker sets up the spear for two. Yeah back then they wanted to drop the Jackhammer because the company was really stupid. F5 hits out of nowhere for two as well. Lesnar misses the spear and then the spear and Jackhammer ends it to make Goldberg 1-0!

Rating: F. This was a disgrace. I don’t care if you’re leaving or not, you don’t do it that way. No excuse for this whatsoever.

Austin, who did NOTHING in the match, stuns both guys post match to try and keep the fans from storming the ring to kill the guys in the match.

WM 21 is in LA.

Vince comes out and says there’s someone that should be thanked for Mania making it to #20. He then amazes even me, perhaps the most jaded wrestling fan there is and he thanks the fans. This amazed me to no end when I saw it and it still does today. Love him or hate him, this was pure class right here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. APA vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers

More filler here before we get to the real main events. This is one fall to a finish again. The APA was more or less worthless by this point. I didn’t even know they were still together in 04. Bradshaw would be world champion in the summer. Rikishi and Scotty have the titles coming in here. Bradshaw vs. Benjamin to start us off here.

After JBL takes Shelton down for awhile, Doug Basham tags himself in and I just do not care at this point. Absolutely nothing of note is going on here. Haas vs. Scotty at the moment. Crowd simply does not care either and it’s obvious. Bearhug to Scotty but a Basham comes in for the…save? Scotty is the face in peril I guess. He gets an enziguri but kicks Doug into Danny to keep Scotty from making the tag again.

Off to Rikishi who cleans house. I think he was supposed to be the grizzled veteran that could beat up just about anyone in the match. They pushed him like that for awhile and it didn’t work incredibly well. German attempt by Benjamin but the power of fat sends him to the floor. Haas gets a Stinkface for not funny comedy. Bradshaw comes in to clean house but walks into a Samoan Drop and then Rikishi drops down onto Danny to retain.
Rating: D. Pointless filler. These teams were worthless by this point anyway as they were all on the verge of breaking up. Shelton was in the IC title hunt within a year, JBL debuted that Summer, the Bashams were fired soon thereafter and no one ever cared about Rikishi and Scotty anyway. Total waste of time.

Edge is coming back.

Jesse Ventura is with Donald Trump at ringside. This was when the Apprentice was still a hot show so Trump was a celebrity here. I don’t like him but you have to admit, the guy apparently likes wrestling as this was the 4th show he was a part of. Jesse implies he’ll run for President someday, getting a big pop.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

This is belt vs. hair with Victoria as champion. Victoria got hotter every time I saw her. The crowd is already more into this than they were for the entire previous match. Molly works the arm to control but gets rolled up for two. Suplex gets two for Molly. Molly is a virgin and wears big underwear which is the focal point of the match. She uses really basic stuff and it’s rather boring. Sunset Bomb gets two and then Molly tries the Widow’s Peak. That doesn’t work and Victoria gets a backslide to retain.

Rating: D+. Short and pretty dull. The real thing here was the shaved diva which doesn’t really do much as the stipulation was more or less just thrown on. Lack of an interesting match for the most part but at least Victoria looked good in those little white shorts.

Head shaving ensues.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. The idea in short is Eddie is a former drug addict and Kurt says that means he shouldn’t represent Smackdown. The idea is that Eddie is in over his head and Heyman, the Smackdown GM, is against Eddie too for no apparent reason.

During the video package, Molly is still being shaved.
Smackdown Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

They lock up in the first minute, already far ahead of Lesnar vs. Goldberg as far as pacing goes. We start with some mat stuff where Eddie is talented but in over his head. Angle takes him down with a judo throw and grabs a headlock. Let’s go Angle/Angle Sucks chants begin dueling. Angle runs him over with a shoulder and it’s a standoff.

Eddie gets a set of shoulder blocks and Angle hits the floor to clear his head. Back in and Angle takes it back to the mat which is where he’s definitely in control for the most part. Front facelock goes on to drain some energy out of the champion. Eddie escapes and we go back to the mat again with Eddie controlling a keylock. This is well done stuff as they’re definitely keeping things interesting out there for this.

Knee to the ribs takes Eddie down and it’s off to an abdominal stretch. Eddie reverses and tries Three Amigos but can only get one as Kurt gets a German. Out to the apron and Angle of course can’t get the German to the floor because it would, you know, kill Eddie. Eddie knocks him to the floor and dives out at Angle but misses, hitting the barrier chest first. That gets two back in the ring.

Angle works on the ribs/midsection even more, eventually hot shotting Eddie onto the top rope for two. Belly to belly sends Eddie flying. Another gets two and it’s back to the ribs. Angle shifts it into a bearhug and then into a belly to belly for two. Middle rope belly to belly is blocked as is the running belly to belly. Frog Splash misses and Eddie’s momentum is gone just as fast as it arrived.

Kurt hammers away as Cole calls him a hypocrite for talking about how Eddie is a disgrace. Eddie shrugs it off and wants more shots. He fires back and gets a little momentum going. A charge in the corner misses and Eddie gets a belly to back suplex for two. Eddie still can’t get Three Amigos and it’s Rolling German time. The second is reversed into a rollup for two and then Angle drills Eddie to take him right back down again.

Angle Slam is countered and Eddie speeds things up a bit. Three Amigos are attempted again and again Kurt counters after a second one. Ankle Lock goes on for a bit but not that long. Dropkick puts Kurt down but as Eddie goes for the Frog Splash Angle gets the running belly to belly two. After a rollup gets two Eddie is caught in a German for two.

Another counter to the Angle Slam, this one in the form of a DDT sets up the Frog Splash for two. Has that ever happened before? Angle plays possum and picks the ankle out of nowhere into the ankle lock. Again he manages to send Kurt to the floor and Eddie is unlacing his boot. Angle doesn’t see this and comes right back with the ankle lock. Eddie kicks the hold off and the boot goes off with it. He grabs a small package on the confused Kurt (and wraps his feet around the ropes to cheat a bit) to retain in a brilliant ending.

Rating: A. Excellent stuff here. There’s definitely a story here with Eddie going move for move with Angle but in the end going back to his roots to pick up the upset. Also look at the intelligence that Eddie shows at the end by playing possum just like Kurt did seconds before to beat Angle as he goes just a step too far to retain the title. Go find this match and watch it. You’ll learn something.

We recap Taker vs. Kane. Kane had buried Taker yet again. This time it was over Taker turning into the American tough guy and ceasing to be a monster. I guess the tag title run they had together didn’t count? At the Rumble a Taker Gong went off to scare the heck out of Kane and the distraction let Booker put him out. This kept happening until it was announced his return would be here at Mania.

Undertaker vs. Kane

 

Yeah the build here isn’t quite as good as their first Mania match. Taker gets the full on Mania entrance, complete with darkness, chanting, fire, druids, and PAUL BEARER!!! Taker’s hair isn’t even to his shoulders here so the look is a bit off. Oh and he wears a cowboy hat now. Kane is all scared to death here and shouts that Taker isn’t real. He reaches out and touches Taker (there’s an old commercial in there somewhere) and Taker hammers away.

Kane hides on the floor and Taker starts his usual stuff. The ending is so obvious here it’s unreal. Some corner clotheslines put Kane down but the Last Ride is blocked. They mess up the reverse back body drop as they’re about three feet away from the ropes. Taker does some ground and pound but walks into a sidewalk slam. Top rope clothesline gets two.

They slug it out which of course Taker wins. Kane misses a charge in the corner and a running big boot puts Kane down. Old School is caught by a chokeslam and Kane stops to laugh. Taker sits up, Kane panics and I think you know what’s going to end the match.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. Taker completely squashed Kane here, which to be fair is more or less Kane’s job. Not much of a match at all although that’s what the people wanted I think. Taker has been the same character since this point for the most part and this was the beginning of the modern Taker.

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH is champion, Benoit won the Rumble and should get the one on one shot. However, at the Rumble Shawn and HHH tied in a Last Man Standing match so Shawn says he should get another shot. Always thought that was nonsense. Shawn had his chance, but he didn’t win. It shouldn’t be him again. Anyway he signed the contract anyway so Austin made it a triple threat. The video more or less shows Shawn as a heel because he just wouldn’t let Benoit have his moment.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Surprisingly normal entrance for HHH here although he’s wearing white boots. We even get a weapons check which you never see anymore. Everyone goes after everyone to start us off here with Shawn avoiding a Crossface. HHH to the floor and the others slug it out. He comes back in when he thinks it’s best as we’re in a slow build here.

DX explodes for a bit and the fans think someone screwed Bret. Leaping knee gets two. Some nice tandem stuff lets Shawn hit a moonsault off the top to the floor to take everyone out. HHH and Shawn go back to the ring now with Benoit out on the floor. Facebuster to Shawn but he can’t hit the Pedigree as Chris saves. Shawn’s shoulder goes into the post and Benoit hits a snap suplex on HHH.

With Benoit in the Tree of Woe HHH throws Shawn into him in a cool spot. Shawn nips up so Benoit knocks him to the floor. Benoit hits Rolling Germans on the Game Shawn stops the headbutt and HHH takes him down with a DDT. Superplex by HHH gets two on Benoit. Make that three twos. The fans like Benoit here. Pedigree is reversed into a bad Crossface which Shawn breaks up.

Rolling Germans by Shawn are booed and reversed into a set by Benoit. Headbutt to Shawn gets two. Forearm and nipup by Shawn but there’s no one else in the ring. HHH comes in and gets beaten on for a bit. Elbow hits and the Band is Tuned Up. The kick connects but Benoit saves. Shawn vs. Benoit now with Shawn being launched into the post to bust him open. Terrible Crossface to Shawn and HHH grabs his arm before he can tap.

Benoit and HHH hit the floor for some brawling while Shawn is down. HHH sends him into the steps and preps the announce table. Just the Smackdown one though, not the Spanish one. Benoit, ever the traditionalist, puts HHH on the Spanish one. German is blocked as it the Pedigree. Shawn pops up and DX suplexes/drops Benoit through the SD table in a cool visual.

Back in the ring now it’s Shawn vs. HHH. They slug it out with neither guy taking over. HHH is sent to the floor and a cameraman is taken out. Ross wants an EMT for Benoit. HHH gets posted (without spam) and is busted as well. Pedigree out of NOWHERE is the counter to some punches. Somehow Benoit makes the save and the crowd pops like a cherry.

Benoit chops away but HHH grabs a Pedigree attempt which is reversed into a long Sharpshooter in an eruption. Shawn kicks Chris’ head off though which somehow only gets two. Ross’ voice is almost gone here. Loud Benoit chant starts up as Shawn Tunes Up the Band. Benoit backdrops him to the floor and walks into another Pedigree attempt. Benoit counters that into a Crossface with HHH in agony. HHH rolls backwards but Benoit hangs on and HHH taps, giving Benoit the World Title in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rating: A+. Great match, everything clicked, absolute classic. There’s nothing else I can say here.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with Benoit in a classic Wrestlemania moment.

Overall Rating: B. This is good but the length starts to get old after awhile. At 4 ½ hours long it needs about an hour cut off to be a classic. Still though with two great world title matches and some other good stuff in there it’s hard to argue. Also we get a legit Mania moment to end the show which is never a bad thing. Good show and worth seeing, but be ready to fast forward some stuff.

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Smackdown
Date: March 23, 2012
Location: Prudential Center, Newark, New Jersey
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re closing in on Wrestlemania even more now and the main event tonight is, you guessed it, another tag match. For some reason Miz is in this match instead of Jericho, teaming with Bryan to face Punk/Sheamus. I don’t get that: why not have all four of them in the same match? Either way, having Sheamus and Bryan in the same ring is a good thing as they need all the help they can get at this point. Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is the Indiana Hoosiers. They need to be eliminated.

Here are AJ and Bryan to open the show. Good heat on the champ here. Bryan celebrates before saying anything else. AJ is asked what’s so great about being Bryan’s girlfriend. He has soft lips, he caresses her and sometimes they spoon. She calls him Danny and gets corrected before going into a list of his better traits. Being a vegan is a good thing. She isn’t as thrilled about this batch of them. Most importantly AJ feels safe. Bryan whispers something to her to say and she says it’s a little personal. He says say it, so AJ says he’s a great lover. Oh and he’ll keep the title at Wrestlemania.

Bryan starts a cheer for himself but here’s Sheamus. They’ve at least been having these two interact a bit which has been a plus. Sheamus says he threw up in his mouth a bit back there listening to this. He makes fun of the soft lips stuff and says he doesn’t want to go there, but he does want to go to Wrestlemania. Sheamus calls him Danny which is corrected and also starts a chant. He calls Bryan Danny Boy which doesn’t sit well with the champ either. “If you don’t like that, you’ll hate being called the former World Heavyweight Champion.” Sheamus says he’ll kick Bryan’s teeth down his throat. I liked this a lot.

R-Truth vs. Mark Henry

Truth hammers away which works about as well as any other attacks by average sized men on monsters. Truth gets knocked down by a headbutt and is sent to the floor. Henry crushes Truth’s head against the steps and they go back inside. Henry misses an elbow drop and Truth hits a seated dropkick and a low DDT for one. Truth goes up and jumps into the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 2:59. Total squash. Team Johnny wins again. I know they’re winning at the PPV but at least make it look possible. Please?

Big Show vs. Kane again tonight.

We get what might be a first: the debut of a Hall of Fame announcement on Smackdown. It’s Yokozuna. No issues with that. Mil Mascaras is mentioned as going in with this class, which I believe is the first time that’s been mentioned on WWE TV.

We get a clip from Raw of Ryder’s rally and cut to Team Teddy in Long’s office. Teddy says he needs more convincing so Horny comes in with a Team Teddy flag. He’s the official mascot of the team now. Khali comes in wearing Ryder gear and says Woo Woo Woo You Know It. Ryder and Khali are on the team now. Well it’s better than no appearance at all. His stuff with Kane and Cena is never going to be mentioned again is it?

AJ vs. Brie Bella

AJ is the home state girl being from Jersey. An inset interview from the Bellas has them talking about how Brie doesn’t want Nikki’s advice because Nikki lost last week. Booker apologizes for one of his statements about AJ recently. Which statement that is he doesn’t list but whatever. Brie controls to start and stomps away at AJ. Bryan’s advice: do better. Off to a chinlock which is pretty quickly broken. AJ hooks a Fujiwara Armbar and a decent one. Nikki gets up on the apron to distract AJ but Brie rams into Nikki and is rolled up for the pin at 2:48.

Post match we find out that Brie is Team Teddy and Nikki is Team Johnny. Brie leads a T-E-D-D-Y cheer. That’s just what this feud needed: THE BELLAS!

Jack Swagger vs. Zack Ryder

Apparently Lillian legitimately screwed up the entrance and called Ryder “The Long Island Iced Z, Jack Swagger.” The fans are WAY into Ryder. They better be careful or he’ll get sent down to NXT. He controls to start and hammers on Swagger but Jack moves out of the way in the corner. Swagger uses almost a judo throw to take Ryder down and throws on a top wristlock.

Ryder gets his knees up in the corner and starts his comeback. He slams Swagger’s face into the mat and hits the Broski Boot for two. Rough Ryder is countered into a buckle bomb followed by it’s Vader cousin for two. Horny chases Vickie onto the apron and the distraction allows the Rough Ryder to get the pin at 4:30.

Rating: C-. I’m glad to see Ryder get his win back but it’s negated by the general annoyance factor brought on by Hornswoggle being out there. That guy gets annoying fast. Anyway, decent match and it’s good to see Ryder back and winning matches (mostly) clean. Him getting on Mania will be good too, even though he’ll be on the losing team.

We get a clip from Monday of Cody attacking Big Show.

Earlier today, Cody says he’s been enjoying embarrassing Big Show lately. The biggest embarrassment is going to be at Mania though. Knucklehead 2 perhaps? Cody leaves, saying he has a plane to catch. Then why did you come to the arena?

Big Show vs. Kane

Show starts off fast and runs over Kane. He hammers away and Kane bails to the floor. Kane sends Show into the post and hits the low dropkick back in the ring. Kane hooks a chinlock but Show gets up and they clothesline each other. Show gets up and starts pounding on Kane but the big fried freak comes back with a DDT for two. Kane goes up but jumps into a chokeslam. Cody runs in for the DQ at 3:45.

Rating: D. This continues to be nothing. These two never have clicked at all so keeping it short like this was probably the best idea. Cody running in was pretty obvious as he did the same thing on Monday. I guess they were out of stuff to do in this feud so they’re just having Cody cost Show matches, even though he gave him a win here.

Show chases Rhodes into the crowd. Orton comes in and RKOs Kane.

Same anti-bullying video from Raw.

Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater

Brodus is in green tonight. Notice that the announcers have stopped seeming to have a blast when he comes out. It’s like they’ve been told to cool it or something. Slater dropkicks the knee out and hits an enziguri, perhaps becoming the first person to ever cover Brodus. Brodus comes back with his usual and the splash ends this in 1:24. This guy needs a feud in the worst way. Throw him on Team Teddy if nothing else.

Ryder runs into Eve in the back and they say they’re both going to Wrestlemania. Zack says she’s beautiful and smart, which Eve takes as an insult because she thinks Ryder sounds like it was a recent development. She storms off, saying their dinner is off. This is going to go on for a long time isn’t it?

Raw ReBound is about the three way talking session that didn’t say anything new from the end of Raw.

Great Khali vs. Dolph Ziggler

Christian is on commentary. Cole again points out how one sided the team situation is and how serious one side is while how goofy the other is. Christian gets a text from Johnny, who is all of 8 feet from him. Khali throws Ziggler around and chops him down. Ziggler gets in a shot and hammers away as Booker argues with Booker. Christian wants Cole to be Team Johnny’s mascot. Khali comes back with his array of clotheslines but the chop misses. Sleeper goes on and Ace rings the bell at 2:42, Montreal style. Yep, that just happened.

Teddy says hang on a minute and restarts it. Ziggler is given to ten to get back in and doesn’t get back in. Santino and Kofi throw him in anyway and Khali chops him down. I’m already sick of this feud because there are SO many people in it and there are still two more to be added.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan

Is there any logical reason for Jericho not to be in this? Sheamus and Bryan start but Bryan immediately tags out. Sheamus takes over with a headlock and clothesline and it’s time for Punk. The slingshot shoulder brings Sheamus back in and gets two. Irish Curse gets two. Sheamus pulls Bryan in but the distraction lets Miz knock him to the floor and Bryan adds a knee to the head as we take a break.

Back with Miz kicking Sheamus in the head and putting on a chinlock. A backdrop gets Sheamus out of trouble and he makes the tag to Punk. The champ comes in with a springboard clothesline and the running knee/bulldog combo takes Miz down. He loads up the Macho Elbow but Bryan distracts him down. Miz hits the low DDT for two and it’s time for champion vs. champion.

Bryan chokes Punk out and we get a Danny Boy chant. Booker says Miz has been surpassed by his former pupil. Miz gets in a shot to the back to keep Punk from getting momentum and then adds a kneelift for two. Punk takes Miz down and there’s the tag, resulting in Bryan running for his life. Sheamus cleans house and hits the forearms to the chest of Bryan. The Brogue Kick kills Miz at 6:43 shown of 10:13.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t really into this one because the ending could be seen coming a mile away. Bryan running from Sheamus is kind of interesting I guess because it’s the story of his title reign, but I’m hoping at Mania that he finally gets caught. Other than that, nothing to see here because Punk has no reason to want to fight either of his opponents here.

Overall Rating: C. This was an ok show and that’s about it. They’re in full on Mania push mode at this point and that can become a problem. Much like Raw, there’s not much to see on these shows because the PPV has been set for weeks now. Not a bad show or anything, but other than Ryder and Khali being added to Team Teddy, there’s nothing here that’s new material.

Results
Mark Henry b. R-Truth – World’s Strongest Slam
AJ b. Brie Bella – Rollup
Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger – Rough Ryder
Big Show b. Kane via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – Big Splash
Great Khali b. Dolph Ziggler via countout
CM Punk/Sheamus b. The Miz/Daniel Bryan – Brogue Kick to Miz

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This seems like an appropriate topic with Wrestlemania being about two weeks away. This is something that is very important and can really make or break a company if not done right. Yet for some reason over the years, it’s very rarely been done right. On Rise and Fall of ECW, Heyman talked about Terry Funk wanting to get the next generation ready so that there was a business to pass on to them. That’s what we’re getting at today so let’s get to it.

Now first and foremost, there’s a BIG difference between giving someone a rub and passing the torch to someone else. Back in the 80s, Hogan tagged with a bunch of guys that were known names but didn’t become anything important until they were his best friend for a few months of house show tag matches. Then they’d be Hogan’s partner for awhile and they’d be bigger stars than ever before. That’s giving someone a rub.

Passing the torch means that you make someone the new big name in the company. We’ll get to examples of that later on, but the main idea is that someone is either leaving, is dropping down the card after being on top for a long while, or that the other person is going to be taking their place. To use the example from earlier, Hogan wasn’t going anywhere and wasn’t moving down the card. He was still top dog but the others were up higher than they were before. That’s an important difference.

On second thought, this was going to just be about passing the torch but I might as well cover rubs in here too. We’ll get to passing the torch first.

Let’s go back to the past as I’m known to do. The better example is probably King Jackie Fargo passing the torch to King Jerry Lawler but we’ll go with something actually in the last thirty years with Harley Race and Ric Flair. Now let’s take a good look at what put this together and why it was a true passing of the torch. There were a lot of factors that came together to make it work.

First of all, Flair was already a big name. He was a two time NWA World Champion and was well established as a top guy. This is important to passing the torch because if you want someone like Race to go out, this is how you do it: to a guy that has proven he can do something already. Otherwise you might need to go to someone else which makes the moment weaker.

Second, this was built up. It had a long and personal angle to it which resulted in real emotion. Race had put a $25,000 bounty on Flair’s head and it was cashed in, resulting in Flair being put out of action for months. He took care of the attackers and then came after Race to take the championship and get his revenge. It was an angle that people wanted to see get paid off which makes the match that much more interesting.

Third, the match was great. It’s a classic old school cage match with Race working him over and Flair making the comeback for the pin and the big moment. It was also in the main event of the first Starrcade, which at the time was the biggest card ever put together. Look at Cena vs. Rock this year: they’re having this match in the main event of Wrestlemania after a year of these two arguing and bickering. In short: take your time and make the match feel important.

Most importantly though, RACE LEFT. After this happened, Race was gone from the NWA spotlight. There was a three day title change in New Zealand but other than that, Race went back to the smaller territories and eventually on to the WWF. Now, that’s not to say that Race couldn’t have come back in a smaller role. If Race had come back in say a year or even six months it would have been fine, as long as he didn’t challenge for the title or feud with Flair. That’s one of the main things: Race didn’t try to come back against Flair. He had been defeated and was done.

There really aren’t that many of these moments to talk about in history, and since most of them have been done well there isn’t really a point to going through them one by one because they would all mostly say the same thing. The other few of note are the Fargo/Lawler one that I mentioned earlier, Austin vs. Michaels in 1998, HHH vs. Batista in 2005, and really those are all of the major ones.

Now let’s get to the problems that can come up when these rules are broken. This can also be called The Hogan Section.

Hogan has had a few chances to pass the torch onto someone else and both times he’s broken one of the aforementioned rules and caused the next person to not be able to do as well on top. We’ll start in 1990 at Wrestlemania 6. You could argue the first time was at #4 with Savage but the end result of that was ALWAYS Hogan vs. Savage for the title the next year so I can’t fault Hogan for that as it was part of a major angle instead of Hogan not going away. Anyone on to #6.

I don’t think anyone would argue that the main event of that show was designed to be a moment where Warrior became the top guy. However in short, Hogan didn’t leave. He stuck around in 1990 and feuded with Earthquake, taking all of the spotlight (as well as the top and most obvious feud for Warrior) from the new champion. The right thing would have been for Hogan to take AT LEAST a few months off and made a movie or whatever.

Instead he stuck around and therefore made Warrior look like a second rate guy, which made the main event of Wrestlemania completely pointless. Warrior was a failure as the top guy but there was never a real chance for him to be the top guy. Everyone thought that Hogan was still top dog and him simply not having the title wasn’t going to prove that wrong. Considering Warrior barely beat him, it didn’t really prove that Warrior was the top guy. Instead of passing the torch, Hogan basically gave Warrior the title for about 7 months and then got it back later. Good for him, bad for Warrior.

Jumping to WCW, we have the moment that was a big bullet to WCW in the Monday Night Wars. Sting FINALLY stopped Hogan and won the (nearly) year and a half long title reign and it should have been the end of an era in WCW. This is probably the biggest botch of one of these things ever. First of all, the match sucked for reasons that you can read elsewhere. Second, Sting didn’t get to even hold the physical title for two months, so how much do you think the fans cared by that point? Third, Sting officially won the title in February and Hogan had it back by mid-April. Sting is defeated, Hogan is champion AGAIN, and the fans are screwed over.

The third example of Hogan doing this would be in 1998 with Goldberg. Now to be fair this was probably much more about WCW than Hogan, but depending on what you believe about Hogan having creative control in the back, that could be a matter of debate. Also to Hogan’s credit, he lost the match clean (mostly) and never got his win back against Goldberg, which is a big help. However that being said, he got the title back in just a few months. There was WAY more to it than that, but at the end of the day, the problem was that Hogan had the title back about half a year later, Goldberg was defeated, and the fans were screwed over AGAIN. Sound familiar?

There are probably other example that I’m overlooking, but I think by now you more than get the idea. The WWF in 1990/1991 was in real business trouble and was even on the verge of going under for awhile. The WCW instances are times where the company took big hits because either they wouldn’t let people have the title or they wouldn’t let anyone get thrown out of the main event. The moral: bad things happen when you don’t change things when you need to.

Now onto the other topic that I wasn’t going to talk about here but it fits as well: rubs. As we’ve established, a rub is where someone is going to be sticking around but is going to bring someone else up the card by giving them some of their star power and making them look like a bigger deal. We’ll begin in the 80s, as I am known to do.

The perfect example of this is usually Flair and Sting from March 27, 1988 and there’s a good reason for that. Sting wasn’t a big time name like he is today. He was a guy that had been brought over from a regional company and was looking for his first big break in the national scene. The company knew he had talent but they needed a way to let the masses know that.

Enter Ric Flair, who in the words of Jim Cornette, made a career out of making other people look way better than they ever could have done on their own. So at the first Clash of the Champions, Sting fought Flair for the NWA Title and had him in the Scorpion when the bell rang and the time was up. Flair made Sting look AWESOME that night and Sting became a huge star because of it. Flair kept the title and would for a good while, but Sting was a major player all of a sudden. I think you get the idea.

There are dozens of other examples from history that I could go into, such as the tag teams that Hogan had which I mentioned earlier and Bret vs. Austin in 96/97, but you more than get the point by now. On the other hand, there are examples of times where bigger names lose matches, but the win doesn’t do a thing for the smaller name guy. Let’s take a look at a quick example.

I hate to do this again, but the best example is Hulk Hogan. In the year 2000, Hogan lost to Billy Kidman. What’s forgotten about this is that Hogan DOMINATED Kidman and Kidman won after Bischoff hit Hogan with a chair. The win didn’t do anything for Kidman because it didn’t look like he had a chance to beat Hogan in a fair fight. The same thing is true of instances like jobbers pinning big names, such as Brooklyn Brawler pinning HHH in the year 2000. Rock had a bit of a hand in that loss, but HHH still gets made fun of for it on occasion. Again, I think you get the idea.

So anyway, in short there are good ways and bad ways of passing the torch, and hopefully Rock does it with Cena at Wrestlemania. Rock is a guy who a victory over would still mean a lot and I just hope they don’t screw it up somehow. Rubs and passing the torch are very important things in wrestling, and if you don’t do them right they can turn out very badly indeed.

This is my biggest issue with the show so how would you fix it?I like how HBK vs. Jericho is pretty much the first half main event.  Leave that and Booker vs. HHH where it is.  Have a match between those two and Hogan vs. McMahon (tag title match maybe) and then Austin vs. Rock.  Have say the Undertaker or the Divas between that and Angle vs. Lesnar and you have a masterpiece in my eyes.

 

Thoughts on this?

Wrestlemania 19
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Ashanti

This show gets a lot of praise around here and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve never been that enthralled by it, but maybe it needs another viewing. Your main event here is Kurt vs. Brock, which is simply due to Brock winning the Rumble and a solid build as you’re not really sure who the better man is. Brock is just past one year on television at this point and is going for his second world title.

To say he was dominant is an understatement. The real main event though is Hulk vs. Vince in a no holds barred match. It’s another instance of not putting the real main event on last, which is a shame as it got most of the buildup. Your midcard special is Jericho vs. Shawn in what was excellently built up as well.

We also get the third match in the Austin/Rock saga, which while still a big match, simply doesn’t have the big fire in it this time around. It turns out to be Austin’s last match as a regular. More or less that’s what holds this show back: the hype. The buildup was as good as any I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t a mind blowing show. Let’s get to it.

Well done “it’s our World Series” package that never gets old, following Ashanti singing America the Beautiful which has been missed by me. The first problem with this show is simple: the theme song. Crack Addict by Limp Biskit. I never could figure out why they wouldn’t say the name of the song on television, but then it made sense. Make your own PG jokes.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is dressed as Daredevil as he beging his tradition of being a superhero at Mania. Matt is in the middle of what was always one of my favorite stupid gimmicks: Mattitude V1.0. This involves him having fun facts pop up on screen during his entrance which is made to look like he’s on a website. Today’s Mattitude Facts: Matt is appearing in his 4^th Wrestlemania and Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.

He’s also desperately trying to stay at the Cruiserweight limit of 220lbs, often with comical results. Matt is accompanied by Mattitude Follower (MFer) Shannon Moore. Hardy used Disco Inferno method of Cruiserweight wrestling: Wrestle like a heavyweight and hope it works out for the best. Moore distracts Rey to start but Matt gets backdropped to the floor. Blast you little MFer.

Head scissors and a spinwheel kick put Matt down and set up an attempt at a sunset bomb to the floor. Shannon makes the save and allows Matt to take over. Shannon’s people are called Morons. Taz and Cole make bad jokes about how Matt got his weight down using terms like banana juice, teabag and BJ. You figure the rest out for yourself.

Matt locks in a bow and arrow to keep Rey on the mat for awhile. A corner charge misses though and Matt goes into the post. Seated Senton gets two for Rey and we speed things up a bit more. Shannon breaks up the 619 and there’s the Twist of Fate for two. The foul poles in the background take a bit of getting used to.

Matt tries Splash Mountain from the bottom rope but Rey reverses into a rana for two. 619 hits and it’s West Coast Pop time. Matt ducks so Rey settles for a victory roll. Hardy ducks into it ala Owen at Mania X and grabs the rope to get the win. That was abrupt to say the least.

Rating: C-. Not a fan of the ending at all. This was getting good and they cut the legs out from under it after less than six minutes. I get why they had to do that as a lot of the matches are long but the pacing of the match could have been a lot better to make that ending not seem so abrupt and not to make this seem like a TV match. Still decent though.

Time for our first bad celebrities as the Miller Light Cat Fight girls show up. They’re two hot chicks that fight over beer. Their limo couldn’t be tackier as it’s a long black limo with a sign on the door saying Catfight Girls. It just doesn’t look good at all. The dumb arguments start already.

We get a clip from earlier with Nathan Jones, Undertaker’s tag partner for later, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show. This would be due to the fact that the company thought he wasn’t capable of being on live PPV with his skills at the time. Shouldn’t they have noticed this before Wrestlemania Sunday?

Limp Bizkit performs Rollin live to play us to this.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train

This is Taker vs. Big Show for the 10^th time or so. A-Train is there for no apparent reason other than to make us think Taker might have some issues here. Fred Durst does not belong in the ring at Wrestlemania with Undertaker, period. This is officially a handicap match now. A-Train spits on Taker’s bike to distract him so Show can jump him. This of course fails and A-Train takes a chokeslam for two as Show saves.

Taker hammers away at both guys and makes sure to stay out of the corner. This was part of the A-Train’s push which I never quite understood but they were trying at least. Taker busts out a leap frog of all things and there’s Old School to A-Train. Derailer (Chokebomb) hits Taker but of course he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends Taker to the floor so Show can ram him into the post.

There’s a flag on Undertaker’s bike which is due to his nephew serving in Iraq who the match has been dedicated to. Show comes in and they slug it out a bit. Taker really likes to punch doesn’t he? Show’s chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar and then into a cross armbreaker to A-Train. Show drops a leg to break that up and rams some headbutts in.

Abdominal stretch goes on after all the head and neck work. I guess Show is working on the ribs now. A-Train comes in now and stomps away before putting on an abdominal stretch of his own. Taker reverses into one of his own and that’s about the extent of his offensive run as it’s back to the beating again. Train slaps him in the face because he’s not that intelligent.

Naturally Taker makes the comeback and hits a running DDT for two as Show makes the save. Show is sent to the apron by the referee so Taker hits him anyway. Here’s the comeback and the monsters are in trouble. Big clothesline takes down Show. And never mind as a bicycle kick takes his head off. Chokeslam to Taker and here comes Nathan Jones. He kicks Show in the aisle to take him down (shouldn’t that be a DQ?) and hits the ring. Big boot to A-Train and the Tombstone ends this.

Rating: D. Can someone explain to me why this got ten minutes almost and the previous match couldn’t even get six? Not much of a match and far too long for its own good. Taker was never going to lose and everyone knew it, yet they let it go off even longer which didn’t help at all. Jones was gone soon after this I believe.

Catfight girls run into the much hotter Torrie and Stacy.

We get a recap of the pointless Raw tag title match from Heat that leads nowhere. That was on Heat and the Cat Fight girls were on here. That’s life I guess.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Jazz still isn’t cared for at all. As usual Trish looks great and gets the confetti for her entrance. Yeah, no guesses as to who is going over here. Victoria is champion coming into this and is in her total psycho phase here with the awesome T.A.T.U. theme music. I’ve always loved this character and throwing in that I always thought Victoria was mind blowingly hot isn’t hurting anything here.

Ross says that Jazz has a Mike Tyson like attitude. Lawler says it’s a Mike Tyson like look. Victoria has Steven Richards with her for no apparent reason. Jazz jumps both of them quickly and sends Victoria to the floor. She grabs a front facelock and flips forward to bend Trish in half with a facelock. Trish gets a Thesz Press and poses a lot. Victoria pulls her to the floor and we brawl out there for a bit.

Jazz vs. Trish in the ring at the moment with the less attractive one in control. Double shoulder breaker to Trish so it’s Victoria vs. Jazz now. Love that backless outfit on Victoria. Lawler says Trish is like a quarter among pennies. What the heck does that even mean? Match is kind of a mess so far but it’s not horrible. Powerslam by Jazz gets two on Trish.

The heels go at it again which Trish takes advantage of, ramming their heads together to take over. Big spin kick by Jazz misses and Trish gets a rollup for two. Chick Kick gets two. Trish kicks Victoria to the floor as Jazz shouts a lot. Half crab goes on and into an STF to Trish by Jazz. Stevie intercepts Trish’s tap out so Victoria isn’t out.

Trish gets a rollup of Victoria and we get a nice back shot as Trish pulls the tights. Double chickenwing by Jazz to the blonde but Victoria takes Jazz down. Moonsault misses though, but Victoria still sends het to the floor. Stevie accidentally hits himself with a chair and takes a Stratusfaction for being an idiot. Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title.

Rating: D+. This was just your standard Women’s Title match and nothing more. They’ve been the same for years and this was no different. Trish gets the title back for a token title change and would likely hold it for a very long time. Yeah that’s all I’ve got. Oh and Victoria has a nice figure.

Rock is bitter about being booed last year against Hogan and has turned his back on the people. He’s obsessed with beating Austin in a big match, which I don’t think he ever has. This takes way longer than it should have.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

First fall wins it here as I continue to be amazed by how well Eddie suited his gimmick. While he’s not as great as he’s given credit for, he certainly was good. Team Angle is Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin by the way. Hass was supposed to be the breakout star at first but obviously after about two matches we knew that wasn’t going to happen. This is more of what we’ve seen all night long: a match that’s good enough to be a decent TV main event, but not WM worthy. No point here other than for the titles to be on the line.

Team Angle has the titles here. Benoit had a masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble but since a guy that was ridiculously popular and great in the ring clearly had no business feuding with HHH on Raw for the title (I mean we had SCOTT STEINER to do that) he was shoved into this pointless tag team and wasted most of 03 until he got so popular that he went to Raw the next year after winning the Rumble.

Big brawl to start as the referee tries to settle things down a bit. Chavo and Haas finally get us started. Haas tags out to Benoit and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie now. This works for me. To the shock of no one they hammer away on each other with neither guy being able to maintain an advantage. They ram heads which allows Rhyno to be brought in.

Powerslam to Eddie gets two. Benjamin comes in for the first time and works on the neck of Rhyno. Chavo breaks up a pin attempt as this is just ok. It’s like any match that could have been on Smackdown yet it’s here on Wrestlemania. Benoit suplexes Haas for two. We’re off to Rhyno vs. Benjamin now. They’re tagging in and out quickly but it’s kind of keeping anything from getting started. It’s been a random assortment of one on one matches so far. Nothing bad but nothing that interesting.

Eddie dropkicks Rhyno to take over and it’s off to Benoit vs. Guerrero again. Guerrero gets a belly to back and sets for the Frog Splash but gets caught in a superplex for two as Shelton saves. Benoit fires Eddie into the air for a flapjack and pulls him down into the Crossface in an awesome looking move. Haas breaks it up seconds later and then just leaves so the two masters can go at it some more.

Chavo comes in and cleans a lot of house. His name being Guerrero kind of hurts him as he’s always in Eddie’s shadow. Rolling Germans to Chavo but Chavo makes a blind tag to Shelton. Superkick to Benoit gets two. Eddie vs. Shelton at the moment so Shelton covers Benoit. Frog Splash breaks up the pin though so it’s off to Chavo vs. Haas. Haas suplexes him and gets Gored. Gore to Chavo and Benjamin steals the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. It was getting a lot better at the end when they dropped the tagging stuff but this was a match that could have been on any Smackdown for the most part. It’s good and definitely the best match of the night so far. Still though, not much here but good stuff for what it was.

Torrie and Stacy argue with the Catfight girls over who made Mania, Hulk or Vince. This isn’t sexy or interesting, it’s just annoying at this point as the Catfight girls read from a script. Apparently this argument is going to be settled “in bed”. Lord help us all. One of them keeps saying Holgan instead of Hogan.

From this thing on, everything is nearly 18 minutes long.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn. Shawn came back and won the world title. Jericho ran his mouth so Jericho got kicked in the face. He eliminated Shawn from the Rumble and vice versa. Shawn was his inspiration apparently and wanted a match at Mania. Jericho was walking through the curtain one night and something kicked him in the face. Shawn came out and posed over him, saying he’d see him at Wrestlemania. Jericho was evil here, putting Stacy in the Walls of Jericho and drilling Shawn with chairs.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn brings a confetti gun with him. Oh ok he has them throughout the entrance to fire his own pyro. Cute kind of. Shawn gets pyro that goes around the back of the stadium when he does his in ring pose. That’s pretty cool. The fans are into Shawn of course as they have some mat stuff going on to start us off. Shawn lays on the top rope which is something I always found funny.

Headlock takes Jericho to the mat and out he goes to the floor. Shawn teases a plancha but Jericho sees it coming. Shawn stops and goes with a baseball slide instead. Back in a cross body gets two for Jericho as he rolls through Shawn’s move. Jericho hammers away but can’t get the bulldog. Shawn busts out a figure four and Jericho is in trouble.

After that doesn’t last long a headscissors puts Jericho on the floor, allowing Shawn to hit his plancha. Jericho counters and locks on the Walls on the floor. Shawn’s back goes into the post and HBK is in trouble. Jericho gets another dropkick to keep Shawn on the floor. Shawn’s back is the target now and it’s all Jericho. The cocky pin doesn’t work so we go to the chinlock.

Shawn reverses a suplex into a DDT but he can’t get up. Once he finally does, Jericho adds a forearm and the Nip Up. Shawn Nips Up also and then does it again. There’s the moonsault press for a long two. We get the always classic pinfall reversal sequence, resulting in a Walls attempt but Shawn kicks him off instead.

Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Jericho but Shawn bridges up for a backslide. Jericho reverses that and takes Shawn does to retain control. Lionsault gets two and Shawn starts his comeback. Rana misses though and it’s into the Walls for Shawn. Shawn makes the rope but his back is destroyed. Backbreaker sets up a top rope back elbow for no cover.

Instead Jericho Tunes up the Band. A fairly awesome Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and Jericho isn’t sure what to do next. Shawn gets a cross body out of the corner and some rights to buy himself some time. Shawn teases the Walls of Jericho but goes with a slingshot instead, sending Jericho into the post. Jericho tries a belly to back off the top but Shawn spins over into a cross body for a long two.

Shawn goes up and gets crotched via the referee being sent into the rope. Superplex is blocked though as Shawn shoves him off and there’s the elbow. Time to Tune up the Band again but the kick misses and it’s into the Walls again. A rope is grabbed and Jericho tries to beg to the referee. Chris walks into Sweet Chin Music though and down he goes but Shawn can’t cover. Both guys are back up and Jericho sends him into the corner. Shawn flips over and gets his feet under Jericho’s shoulders, rolling him backwards to end this finally.

Rating: A-. Definitely a great match, but not an all time classic. HBK shows he still can go at Mania and Jericho has one of the best matches of his life here as he’s totally into this. The only thing missing was the superkick to end it for Shawn, but this might have been better, not sure yet.

Jericho kicks Shawn in the balls post match, cranking his heel rating up by about 10.
Last month at no Way Out the show was in Montreal, there was a French ref that screwed Hogan out of the rematch with the Rock by helping Vince. He heads into Vince’s locker room.

Goldberg debuts at Backlash. That may have been the biggest flop in company history. It turns out he fought Rock in Rock’s last match before he left to make another movie, thereby more or less ending his time as an active wrestler.

New attendance record of over 54,000. Impressive again.

Limp Biskit performs AGAIN, and somehow the people couldn’t care less than they did the first time. This goes on 5 minutes.

Torrie’s Playboy came out two days later. We see clips of a news conference. We get the Catfight between the Catfight Girls and Torrie/Stacy. Coach gets stripped down to his underwear, as do the rest of the girls. Not a real match, not an interesting segment. The only thing good about this is Stacy’s Legs music which I always liked.

Time to talk about the Raw World title. This show has been on for nearly two hours and this literally hasn’t been mentioned until now. There hasn’t been a graphic, there hasn’t been hype, there hasn’t been an interview. If that’s not proof that the title matches aren’t the biggest on the card, I don’t know what is.

The idea here is that they’re playing up Booker’s hard life growing up vs. HHH’s privileged lifestyle. Booker pinned him on Raw in a tag match. Nothing about this match screams Mania at all. Unforgiven or Judgement Day maybe, but not Wrestlemania.

Raw World Title: Booker T vs. HHH

Oh and Booker pinned HHH on Raw this past week. I forgot about that but it’s not like it’s going to matter. HHH has the purple tights on here too. Poor Booker. He actually thinks he has a chance here. We hear about his hard life and how he worked his way up to become a 5 time WCW Champion. Jerry: HHH told us how much of a joke that place was. Ross: I worked in WCW. You didn’t. How would you know it was a joke? Jerry: Was it a joke? Ross: Dang right it was! Too funny.

They slug it out in the corner to start with Booker having a slight advantage. HHH actually goes up top and gets arm dragged down. Out to the floor now and the champion goes into the post. Back in and a clothesline gets two for Booker. Now we talk about the Fink for no apparent reason. HHH sends Booker to the apron and rams his head into the post to take over.

Jerry keeps making prison/court jokes about Booker. Neckbreaker by HHH gets two and he lays in the shots. The fans chant for Booker so HHH hits a spinebuster on him to quiet that down and get two in the process. Big clothesline in the corner gets the same. Suplex gets reversed and Booker hits a DDT and Lawler makes fun of Booker again. Ross has to stop himself from saying GD which gets Lawler laughing.

Side slam gets no cover for Booker but a spinning forearm gets two. Sleeper by HHH doesn’t work but a high knee does. It’s been mainly the champion in control here. Facebuster connects but HHH walks into a spinebuster for two. HHH tries to go up again and jumps into a jump kick by Booker for two. Axe kick and side kick misses, the latter of which sends Booker to the floor.

Flair drills Booker’s knee into the stairs to give HHH something to work on. HHH busts out an inverted Indian Death Lock which you won’t see for years. HHH, love him or hate him, is almost as old school as you get. Off to a regular one as Booker is in trouble. For those of you unfamiliar, the best way I can put it is a Sharpshooter with the legs instead of the arms and legs and less torque on the back. It doesn’t matter as a rope is grabbed.

HHH tries to send him into the corner and Booker collapses. Knee crusher is reversed into a sunset flip for two as the fans pop big for it. Pedigree is countered but Booker is launched into the referee who stays down for about a second. Must not have been planned. Booker gets a jumping back elbow and his leg is fine now. Scissors kick puts HHH down as now the leg hurts again. That gets two.

Booker goes up but Flair interferes to let HHH get to Mr. T. Superplex is blocked and Booker hits the Harlem (Houston here) Hangover for no count as Flair puts the foot on the ropes. Naturally, as after all HHH isn’t allowed to lose the title for a very long time right? Booker’s knee gives way and HHH hits the Pedigree. Twenty five seconds later HHH puts his hand on Booker and retains. Well of course he does.

Rating: C+. This was around the time that HHH was trying to expand his moveset to include things like the sleeper, Indian deathlock and DDT. They’re ok, but he wanted them as extra finishers and that just didn’t work. It was a very weird time in his career right now and this match it the crowning glory of that time. It’s clear here that Booker wasn’t going to win the title and was being fed to HHH. If you want to see the time where people say HHH was taking over the company, here is exhibit A.

WM 20 is going to be at Madison Square Garden. That is where it belongs.

We recap Hogan vs. Vince. If Hogan loses, he retires…again. This is billed as 20 years in the making, despite this being the 19th year of Mania. The fight is over who should get the credit for Mania, both the Hulka and Wrestle varities. That’s a thread that was great when it was done and I’d like to see a replay of it.

Anyway, this is a street fight for obvious purposes. It’s also the match that sold this show, but in WWE logic, that can’t go on last of course as they didn’t learn from last year. While obviously this isn’t the entire story, the more I see of this the more I think Hulk should get more credit. Based on the video alone, this should be the main event.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child. Are you serious? WWE owns the freaking rights to the most legendary theme song in wrestling history and they use Voodoo Child? The pop is barely even there which surprises me. The fans are into it, but there’s not much special.

To top it all off, he comes out first. Seriously? I know Vince isn’t a fan of Hogan’s but this is absurd. Once they say his name he gets a pop, but I really think the fans didn’t know who he was at first. Hogan, nice guy that he is, rips up a Vince Still Sucks sign.To say McMahon is ripped is an understatement.

Hogan takes him down with a clothesline to start and we get some “ground and pound.” Vince fights back and hammers away, working on the arm. They’re moving incredibly slowly right now too. The arm goes around the post as we talk about the steroids trial in the early 90s, which according to Stephanie was like 9/11. Test of strength goes on and Hogan fights back up.

They ram chests like Warrior and Hogan but once again Vince kicks him in the gut to bring him back to his knees. Vince having a muscular man on his knees. Make your own jokes here. Hogan fights up for the third time and gets kicked in the ribs again and sent to the floor. Vince hammers away even more and has been in control the majority of the match here.

Chair shot to Hogan misses and Vince is rammed into the post instead. The chair drills Vince as Hulk takes over for a bit. Vince is busted open so Hogan hammers away. Crowd is into this too. Another chair to the back and down goes Vince. Hogan misses a chair shot and the Spanish Announcer takes it in the head. That’s what he gets for putting stuff on their table I guess.

Low blow by Vince shifts control again and he grabs the chair. And now Vince sets up a ladder. This cannot end well at all. He sets it between the tables and Hogan is laid out on the Spanish Announce Table with a monitor shot to the head. Vince climbs up, does the hand to the ear, and drops a leg/hip onto Hogan, leaving both people laying.

After they lay around for about two minutes off of that, Vince rolls him back in and gets two for a big (although what should be an unsurprised) pop. Vince’s face is creepy from that. He goes under the ring and luckily finds a lead pipe. We get the famous shot of Vince’s crazy/evil eyes as he slowly rises up above the apron to get back in.

Hogan, ever the hero, gets a low blow to make Vince drop the pipe. A guy runs in through the crowd in a hood and pulls it off, revealing Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well he belongs in the discussion I guess. He picks up the pipe and drills Hogan with it, I guess being a heel. Piper is fat here too. Piper leaves and that gets two, putting us right back to where we were before Piper got here.

The referee steps on the pipe so Vince can’t use it. It’s a street fight so anything goes right? Vince drills him and waves down another referee. He gets two: an actual referee and the aforementioned French referee (future tag champion Sylvan Grenier). Another pipe shot and leg drop get two as Hulk Hulks Up. Down goes the French dude to the power of AMERICA. Hogan drops THREE leg drops and this is finally over.

Rating: B. While not the legendary classic it gets credit for, this was very fun indeed. Piper makes little to no sense to me at all here. Stupidly enough, it led to a feud between Hogan and Piper/Sean O’Haire. Really? Anyway, this was a very fun fight all day. I never really thought Vince would win, but it was fun to believe in him for awhile. Biggest flaw for me though: that stupid Voodoo Child song. HULK HOGAN’S MUSIC IS REAL AMERICAN. Anyone could tell you that. So freaking stupid.

Shane comes out to check on his dad. Yeah that’s all he’s here for. Seriously, he does nothing else.

We recap Rock vs. Austin. What recap do you need here? This match is the epitome of a grudge match. The idea here is simple: Rock has never beat Austin in a big match, namely at WM. He has done it all but defeat his arch rival and it’s killing him. This would have been so much more effective had it been 1-1 at Mania for them.

The problem for me was simple. So what if Rock wins? It’s still 2-1 Austin and Austin beat him twice for the title. That doesn’t exactly scream even to me. This is a weird thing to do here as Rock is finally (get it?) as big as Austin as far as star power despite Austin being so far past his prime he can’t even see it and Rock would be gone in a month, but he’s finally the true heel here and it’s one on one.

This whole match is built on Rock needing to win and getting more and more desperate to do it. They’re both nowhere near as good as they were 2-3 years ago, but they’re still very solid.

This gets the music video treatment but it doesn’t pack anywhere near the punch of My Way.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is Austin’s last match as today. Austin comes off his fourth corner and turns around to see Rock waiting on him. This is the first time Austin came out second I think. There’s the bell and these two at Mania just feel right. They slug it out and Austin takes control, shocking no one. Stunner misses early and we hit the floor. We go to the Smackdown table with Austin beating Rock to death.

Rock goes into the steps and takes a belly to back suplex in the ring. We get into the wrestler vs. actor debate which is rather interesting indeed. This match has DQs mind you. Rock gets a shot to Austin’s knee which I think is his first offense of the match so far. Out to the floor again and Rock gets a second chop block to take Austin down.

After some more knee work on the floor Rock sends him into the ring again and stomps away. Austin fires off some punches but lowers his head and Rock takes the knee out again to stop Austin’s momentum. Sharpshooter goes on and Austin is in trouble. Hebner is the referee so I’d listen for a quick bell. Rock might take that….something or other to Hollywood and Vince might not get to make a bombing movie out of it.

Ross goes OFF on Jerry about talking about Hollywood so much. Rock wraps Austin’s leg around the post again and throws on Austin’s vest. Oh my stars and garter belts. Austin fights back and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down. Back up and they slug it out with the knee seemingly fine again. I guess that’s a Texan thing. Thesz Press and Austin hammers away.

FU Elbow gets two, probably because it’s just an elbow drop. Austin stomps a mudhole but Rock hits a clothesline and nips up. Austin gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere to the Rock as he’s still in the vest. That gets two. Stunner is blocked but Rock gets the Stunner for two of his own. That should be a scoring system in the event of a tie.

Rock hammers away but the final punch misses and it’s a Stunner by Austin for a long two. Austin tosses the referee away to get to Rock but Rock gets a low blow and it’s time for the People’s Elbow. Austin moves out of the way but can’t get another Stunner. The second People’s Elbow (minus the jacket) gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop.

Both guys are spent and Rock is getting up first. The fans are all over the Rock here. Rock Bottom hits but only gets two and a big pop. Rock is stunned. See what I did there? Another Rock Bottom somehow gets two and Rock doesn’t know what to do. A third Rock Bottom FINALLY ends Austin and the Rock has finally gotten the win at Wrestlemania over Austin.

Rating: B+. This is a tricky one. It’s a far cry from their epic wars before and is a joke compared to their match two years ago, but this was a different kind of match. I shortchanged this before but this is a very good match. Rock was the star here, which granted has to do with him being 30 and Austin being 39 here. They beat the tar out of each other and while Austin was a shell of his former self he was still good here. Good match and a good way to close out Austin’s career.

Austin gets the big sendoff as I think it was kind of understood that he was done at this point.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar. Lesnar won the Rumble to get here and Kurt is champion. Kurt had thrown Team Angle at Lesnar a bunch and kept ticking Lesnar off, including switching places with his brother to get a pin on Brock in a title match. This is more or less a dream match and if anyone interferes, if Kurt gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

And here we are. FINALLY it’s the last match of the show but the fans are so drained they don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Kurt had reinjured his neck but instead of being out for a year and you know, really getting it fixed, he got a quick fix, resulting in him likely being on the verge of death every time he gets in the ring. There was a real chance this was his last match. Cole’s voice is almost completely gone here. Lesnar of course has a rib injury. My goodness when did he not have a rib injury?

Brock debuted the night after Mania the year before (which was in mid March but we’ll call it a year still) so this is an incredible rookie year for him. We get both of their resumes and they’re incredibly impressive to say the least. Tito Ortiz is in the front row. All of a sudden a lot of the ground and pound and submission stuff just got a lot funnier.

Shocking no one they go to the mat and technical stuff early. It’s so weird to see guys that are awesome at what they do with that stuff and have it look this good. Angle tries the headlock but Lesnar easily overpowers him. Kurt is moving very gingerly here. Brock fires off those shoulders in the corner and gets a powerslam for two.

Angle snaps off a suplex but Brock is right back up almost immediately. Out to the floor with Kurt trying to run. By the power of Akbar though, IT’S A TRAP and Kurt drills Brock as he comes in to take over. Brock is like screw that and gets a gorilla press to take over again. Angle Germans Brock into the buckle in an awesome spot. Brock gets pounded down on the floor for a bit.

Belly to back gets two in the ring. A vertical version of it gets two as well. Kurt grabs a modified STF that has Brock in agony. It shifts off into a chinlock as Angle loses the leg hold. Modified camel clutch now which furthers the pain in the ribs. Can’t say Kurt doesn’t have psychology going for him. Brock stands up and rams Kurt’s back into the corner to break the hold.

Belly to belly by Kurt reinjures Lesnar’s ribs as does a knee to the back. A second sends Brock to the floor. Back in Angle runs into a spinebuster Brock comes back and hammers away with the power but runs into an elbow. BIG belly to belly sends Angle flying as does a second one. Those get two and probably another neck surgery for Kurt.

Angle grabs Rolling Germans out of nowhere, each time landing on the back of his head and neck. This time it’s 4 suplexes though and both guys are spent. Neither finisher can hit with the F5 being countered into the ankle lock. That gets shifted to the half crab which is probably a stupid move by Kurt given the position he had Brock in. Cole’s voice is gone. Get that man some tea.

Kurt charges but gets backdropped to the floor to give Brock a chance to breathe. Brock takes over but Angle gets one HECK of a German suplex, flipping Lesnar onto his stomach in the air for two. There go the straps and the Angle Slam hits, naturally, for two. Cole says that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of it. Something tells me that’s nonsense.

Brock counters another Slam attempt into a small package that Taz calls a Spladle or something like that. Yeah it was a small package. F5 out of nowhere gets two as the crowd is finally into this. Ankle Lock goes on and gets the grapevine. Wow so someone actually did escape this. Ankle lock is avoided, as is the Slam. HUGE F5 puts Angle down, but Brock goes up instead.

We now get the sickest looking spot in a good many years at any show as Lesnar, weighing nearly 300lbs and being dead tired goes to the top rope. Now when I originally watched this, I had seen Lesnar down in OVW use a shooting star press and it was the darndest thing I’d ever seen in a wrestling ring, but there was no way I could ever believe he would throw one out at Wrestle-freaking-mania.

Of course he did though, but he shows why he shouldn’t, as he under-rotates and lands on his head. I don’t care who you are, that is sick looking. Luckily Angle is smart enough to cover him here to keep the match going. Right there, if Lesnar had gotten pinned I don’t think anyone would have been able to say a word to him.

They show the replay from another camera angle and you can hear Taz absolutely freak over it. That was indeed one of the sickest looking things I’ve ever seen. Lesnar hits another F5 and gets the win. Post match, Lesnar’s eyes show that he is absolutely gone. He has no clue where he is and it looks bad. Angle shakes his hand and fireworks play us out. Clearly not the planned finish but they did what they could and it made sense given the circumstances.

Rating: A-. These guys nearly killed each other, literally. One of those suplexes goes bad and Angle dies, Lesnar nearly killed himself on the ending. This was a great match though, but the ending just stops it in its tracks and it really hurts things. Had that landed, this is a definite A. It’s certainly worth watching though.

Brock is handed the title and is absolutely gone. I doubt he knew his name at this point.

Overall Rating: B. This went back and forth for me. It’s definitely good, but it’s far from great. It ended well with the face taking the gold like he should have, but the booking for this show was absolutely terrible. What this show desperately needed was a first half main event. Look at your final five matches: HBK/Jericho (best wrestling on the card by far), HHH vs. Booker T (Raw Title), Street Fight (the real main event), Austin/Rock (no explanation needed) and Lesnar/Angle (SD Title).

You can clearly see the problem. There’s no chance at all to catch your breath here and it’s very draining. A filler, like say Taker’s match in between there somewhere and another like the triple threat tag match, or even the Raw Tag Titles from Heat would have nearly saved this show. Maybe a segment or something like that also. Either way, the second half of this show is WAY too packed and it hurts things badly. The show is good, but I’d watch it out of order. Recommended, but not as great as it’s made out to be.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: March 22, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re past Victory Road and not a lot has changed. Roode has finally put Sting away followed by a pretty strange post match attempted beatdown of Sting which resulted in Dixie Carter saving him. Other than that the interesting thing was Aries seemingly being turned face by the power of the crowd. That’s probably the right thing for him as it has meant huge pushes in the past. Let’s get to it.

We open with the ending to last Sunday’s PPV. Sting has a severe concussion apparently. Dixie is going to have something to say right after the opening sequence.

Here’s Dixie and great she’s crying. She talks about how Roode disrespects the company and the fans. Dixie goes on the rant about how she’s been talking to attorneys and management and she only has one option. Cue Sting because we can’t do anything in this company without holding a meeting. He says that firing Roode isn’t the answer isn’t a good idea because it means that Storm can’t get his revenge at Lockdown. The fans chant that they want revenge. Sting says the GM position isn’t working….and we go to a break.

Back with them still in the ring. Sting says that Dixie has put all of her faith into Sting and he did the best he could, but it’s not enough. At Victory Road, the company came alive and Sting can’t be both a part time GM and a part time wrestler. Due to the concussion, he has to go home for awhile and get better, and he’ll come back better. He’s going to come back as a full time wrestler. Sting steps down as GM but says he’s got the right man in mind to replace him: Hulk Hogan. Dixie cries even more but doesn’t say yes or no.

Ray is mad and is taking hostages tonight.

X-Division Title: Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash vs. Austin Aries

One fall to a finish. Ion tries a quick rollup but goes to the floor with the champ. Kash avoids a cross body by Nese but is thrown to the floor and is holding his ankle. Aries vs. Nese now and the champ is in trouble. Ion comes back in and Aries hits a combination DDT to Ion/Downward Spiral to Nese. Out to the floor and Aries hits the suicide dive to Ion. Ion hits the Sorensen Killer and Nese hits a moonsault plancha to take out all three guys. They bust out the Tower of Doom with Ion nearly getting killed by the powerbomb from Aries. And here’s Bully Ray to beat them all up and the match is thrown out at 4:35.

Rating: B-. Fun match but it was far more about being a collection of spots than an actual match. That was the point of it, but Aries really needs to lose the title and move up on the card. This match really did show that no one else in the division is anywhere near Aries’ level and once he gets out of it, the division is in big trouble.

Ray says that his name is in fact Bully Ray.

Mexican America has their lowrider towed by some guy from a Spike show about repossessing. He asks them trivia in order to get to keep their car. This is annoying. They only get 1/3 and lose the car. They say they’ll all win tag titles tonight and pay off the debt to keep the car.

Knockout Tag Titles: ODB/Eric Young vs. Rosita/Sarita

The wedding is April 12. Oh great. Eric and Rosita start us off but Eric tags out to ODB with no contact. She takes Rosita down and misses the Bronco Buster. Sarita comes in and doesn’t do much so it’s back to Rosita. She takes a kick in the chest and a “spear” to set up the tag to Young. He does some cartwheels and takes off his pants. The girls hit on Eric and ODB gets mad about it. ODB cleans house and hits the Bam on Rosita before asking where Eric’s ring is. He can’t produce it so she kisses him and puts Eric on top of Rosita for the pin at 4:20.

Rating: F. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I HATE this angle and we’re going to have to put up with it for the next freaking month because we need COMEDY on this show because there’s so much going on we can’t even get the TV Champion on the show already, but we need time to have Eric strip every week.

We recap Crimson and Morgan from Sunday. We cut to Crimson watching Morgan’s Direct Auto Insurance commercials and saying that he should have been in there but it was all about Morgan. Crimson says that then Morgan started dropping the ball in the ring so Crimson took out the trash on Sunday and he feels better now. He challenges Morgan to a match next week when Morgan pops in and the backstage brawl of the week begins.

Dixie doesn’t know what to do about Sting.

Hardy says Angle talked a lot of trash before the PPV and now Jeff wants him in a cage where ropes won’t matter. Joseph Park shows up and asks for any information about Abyss. Hardy doesn’t have any so Park gives him his card.

Video on Roode vs. Storm at Lockdown. This includes a retrospective of their careers in TNA, including a blink and you’ll miss it shot of CM Punk. Make that two blinks and you’ll miss it shots of Punk. Good video.

Here’s Storm in the ring to talk about right and wrong. It’s wrong that football is only 18 weeks a year. It’s wrong when two people work 40 hours a week and can’t take their kids on vacation because gas is $4.00 a gallon. It’s wrong what Roode did at the PPV so he’ll make it right at the PPV. Storm calls Roode out here right now so he can beat some right into him.

Instead he gets some guy in a suit who says his name is William Kelly and he’s Roode’s legal adviser. He has a statement from Roode which says Roode isn’t going to be around until Lockdown because that’s all he’s obligated to do and there’s an unsafe working environment. Ok now they’re flat out stealing from Smackdown. Roode suggests that Storm fight Daniels or Kaz tonight so Storm says he’ll fight both. Storm says he has a message for Roode. But the lawyer doesn’t have a pen. Instead, here’s a Last Call for the lawyer.

Angle says Hardy is crazy for wanting a rematch and is asked about Garrett surviving the five minute challenge. Garrett just happens to be walking by and Angle yells at him. There’s a three minute challenge tonight. Oh and Angle hates him.

Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff

Just a small observation: Christy Hemme can’t talk, but she looks GREAT in leather pants. This is a three minute challenge. They talk trash to start and Garrett gets shoved a few times. There’s a slap as they’re just standing there. One minute down. Garrett gets in some offense like a clothesline and flapjack plus that stupid falling Diamond Cutter that he does. Angle throws him to the floor and we have a minute to go. Garrett chills on the floor and plays keepaway. And here’s Gunner for the DQ at about 2:32.

Hardy makes the save.

The Guns are still coming back.

Tag Titles: Mexican America vs. Samoa Joe/Magnus

Mexican America still has jobs? Joe starts with Hernandez and pounds him down into the corner. Off to Magnus and the champions double team a bit, resulting in a Joe backsplash for two. SuperMex takes over on Magnus and hits a backbreaker for two. Anarquia comes in for all of two seconds before it’s back to Hernandez for a bearhug and jumping shoulder.

Hot tag brings in Joe who steps out of the way of a jumping Anarquia. Hernandez runs into the release Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch puts Anarquia down but the girls distract the referee. The Repo Games guy comes back out and the referee STILL misses the tap so Hernandez breaks it up. Not that it matters as the finishing sequence from the champs pins Anarquia at 5:32.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here and the Repo Games guy was totally not needed. That didn’t add anything at all and I doubt more than two people in the arena had a clue who he was. I get that the Guns are coming back, but beating a bunch of teams we haven’t seen in months or teams that are thrown together isn’t going to make Magnus/Joe an interesting team to face them.

Hogan says he doesn’t know anything about being the new GM.

The Repo Games guy is back AGAIN and takes the car but has to duck a swing from Anarquia beforehand. Oh and he takes the girls who go willingly.

James Storm vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels

Daniels tries to jump Storm from the entrance which completely fails. Into the ring now and the heels don’t have to tag. There isn’t much to say here: they double team Storm for awhile but Storm comes back with the Last Call to Daniels to win in 3:15.

Rating: D. Whatever man. I get what they were going for here but this wasn’t interesting for the most part. Storm is still cool, but it’s a long way to get to Lockdown so he can win the title like he should have done months ago. I get that they had to have the title on Roode, but Storm has clearly been the hottest thing in the company for months. This was just a way to get Storm looking good.

Here are Sting and Dixie to do the GM thing. Sting says trust Hogan, Dixie says ok, Hogan comes out, Sting starts a Hogan chant, and we’re done.

Overall Rating: D. This was a pretty good sized step back for TNA. Let’s look at this show tonight. We had a title match ending in a run-in, we had a man defending a woman’s title, we had a three minute match ending with a run-in, we had a tag title match involving a run-in, we had a three minute handicap match. That’s not the most exciting wrestling in the world.

Then we get to the other annoying stuff: the booking of the show. There was WAY too much focus on Hogan/Sting/Dixie, but it was nowhere near as annoying as the focus on the Repo Games guy. What does that do to benefit TNA? He was in THREE SEGMENTS with Mexican America and in the end, HE DIDN’T EVEN TAKE THEIR CAR. Storm is awesome at this point but he comes off like the third most important thing on the show at best. That’s not good and this Hogan/Sting/Dixie thing isn’t ending soon. That’s not good and it’s a sign that they’re shifting focus away from what’s been working for the past few weeks.

Results
Austin Aries vs. Anthony Nese vs. Zema Ion vs. Kid Kash went to a no contest when Bully Ray interfered
Eric Young/ODB b. Rosita/Sarita – Young pinned Rosita after The Bam from ODB
Garrett Bischoff b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Mexican America – Middle Rope Elbow to Anarquia
James Storm b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Last Call to Daniels

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