NXT
Date: September 28, 2010
Location: U.S. Cellular Coliseum, Bloomington, Indiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

Back in Bloomington this week as the show was taped. There’s a chance this is the final episode on Sci-Fi but that hasn’t been confirmed yet. On my digital preview there’s a sci-fi show on next week, but a week later, on the 12th, NXT is listed. It’s likely a misprint but interesting nonetheless. Let’s get to it.

We open by recapping musical chairs. It amuses me how they’ve just given up on this being a wrestling show at all and are just trying to make it as entertaining as possible. Talk the Talk is a bit better but it is kind of interesting to see WWE say how talking is very important and apparently more important than wrestling.

No Punk to start us out which makes me a sad reviewer.

Striker brings out the girls who mostly look good. Maxine still has the straight hair which looks really weird on her for some reason. Voting for the first elimination begins tomorrow on WWE.com which is where the results show will likely be seen. There’s a wheelbarrow in the aisle and they have to run around the ring with it, fastest time wins.

Maxine is first but before we start we need something in the wheelbarrow. And here’s Hornswoggle to make me roll my eyes. Cole asks what this has to do with being a Diva as Maxine sets the mark at 14.7 seconds. Horny bites her tights after she shoves him out of the wheelbarrow.

Naomi goes second and beats her time but they keep the clock running anyway for some reason as they have a tendency to do, putting her in second.

Jamie gets 14.4 to take the lead.

Kaitlyn is fourth and flies through this, getting 12 flat. Cole gets the line of the night as he yells at Josh: YOU’RE ANALYZING A WHEELBARROW RACE! He’s annoying but you can’t deny that he’s right.

AJ is the next to last girl and is rocking an I Love Nerds t-shirt. She’s nowhere close and Horny hugs her for a long time.

Aksana goes last and gets 13.9 to give Kaitlyn the win. What a great way to spend the first 13 minutes of a wrestling show.

This Week in WWE History is about Madison Square Garden and in particular the Raw where there was a triple interview with Dude Love, Cactus Jack and Mankind where Cactus returned and had a great falls count anywhere match with HHH. Oh and Austin gave Vince the first Stunner between the two. And now, back to the wheelbarrow racing show.

We profile AJ and how nerdy she is. We get a cool clip of her in line for tickets to Wrestlemania in MSG which I’m assuming was 20. That’s very cool that she is in a clip from footage like that as a kid for some reason.

Diss the Divas later tonight. Oh joy: more reading from scripts.

And now we recap Raw. I wonder how long they can go without actual wrestling on this show. Well that’s enough content so we need another commercial now.

Yep next week we’re on WWE.com. Not sure how that’ll effect the reviews but I’ll get it up somehow.

We profile Kaitlyn now who wants to be herself. And ANOTHER commercial. It’s 10:35 and there has not been a single piece of wrestling whatsoever. They’re coming back for 2 minutes of profiles etc and then a commercial.

Back from a break and we recap Smackdown with the Taker vs. Kane segment. When I say that, I mean they PLAY THE WHOLE THING. I don’t mean a highlight package, I don’t mean a synopsis, I mean Kane is talking about Undertaker and the druids are about to come out and Paul Bearer is about to return. If you’re curious as to what’s going on see my Smackdown review because I’m not talking about something I reviewed four days ago.

Time for Diss the Divas which is exactly what it sounds like. Aksana goes first and says she’s hot which she is. Her diss to the Divas is they don’t look as good as she does and she’s in better shape.

AJ goes second and is rather adorable. This is by far the highlight of the show which is hardly saying much. AJ says she belongs more here and she should be the winner because she’s not the typical Diva. This would come off better if Cole would SHUT UP. It’s one thing to get on the girls but it’s another thing to talk over them so we can’t even hear them.

Kaitlyn does an impression of Naomi by sticking her hips out. Naomi literally kicks it and that’s all for Kaitlyn.

Jamie says Aksana belongs in a circus and AJ is a ten year old but Jamie is awesome. Striker is more or less begging them to pick this up as it’s awful.

Naomi says this is about wrestling and entertainment and has them beat in those areas. Kaitlyn only won last week because Naomi messed up. Shame AJ won last week but whatever.

Maxine says the same thing she’s said every week as AJ and Kaitlyn conspire and play patty cake in the background.

AJ wins the competition over Naomi but just slightly, giving her the most victories and immunity.

And here’s Vickie to make sure we get her face time this week since this is the Vickie/Cole show. She bashes Kaitlyn who more or less turns face and wants Vickie in a match. Vickie accepts but gets a BIG OLD SLAP to Kaitlyn. That was Stephanie level slapping and somehow the highlight of the show. They “brawl” to end this joke of a show.

Overall Rating: F. This was an absolute joke. They can’t throw in a two minute match just to give us something? I don’t watch this show to see a segment I already watched. The show is moving to WWE.Com and I can’t imagine this show is going to make people want to watch it. I love the WWE but I never want to hear them complain about ratings again, not after this. Horrible show with no appealing value at all like this show usually has with its bad comedy. I feel sorry for the people that paid for tickets to it.

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This is another very old review which needs to be redone.  Not a bad idea actually.

In Your House 24: Breakdown
Date: September 27, 1998
Location: Copps Coliseum, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 17,405
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Summerslam has passed and Austin, much to everyone’s surprise, kept the belt by beating Taker clean. If my memory is right, that was the only time that happened from 1991 to 1998 but I could be wrong on that. Other than that, HHH ended the DX vs. Nation war by beating the Rock for the IC title. The rest of the show is pretty weak as it was kind of meant to be the end of a lot of storylines and now create new ones.

The main idea was that Vince is completely fed up with Austin and wants the title off of him at any cost, so he’s made the main event for tonight of Kane vs. Taker vs. Austin in a triple threat for the title, knowing it would be a handicap match. Also on here we have a triple threat in a cage with mankind, Shamrock and the Rock for the #1 contenders spot. The rest of the card looks like Typical Attitude Era stuff, so let’s get to it.

The intro is all about Vince wanting to get the title off of Stone Cold at any cost, talking about his master plan which includes shots of John Kennedy and various other historic leaders. This is WAY over the top to say the least.

Owen Hart vs. Edge

This is really just a matchup of an upper midcarder and a rookie. I really like this match actually as both guys are solid in the ring. Edge is working a style that is very good for him with a mix of what he does now with technical stuff thrown in. He’s staying move for move with Owen which is no small task to say the least. We get a lot of near falls and since I don’t remember who wins this, it’s a very exciting match.

Edge was getting a cult following at the time and he was still a rookie, which really is an impressive feat. Both go for their finishers and Edge lands a decent DDT. They’re going back and forth here in a great pace that’s really showing Edge off well. Owen of course is as solid as ever but this is pretty even.

Eventually Edge has Owen in trouble but a long blonde haired fan jumps the railing and distracts Edge allowing Owen to roll him up for the win. Dang , that guy that jumped the rail must totally reek of awesomeness and charisma.

Yeah it’s Christian debuting.

Rating: B+. This match was very good and an excellent opener. Two Canadians so it’s almost face vs. face, meaning the crowd is way into it. Edge was showing off here as he proved he can go with anyone. Owen was his usual solid self on the mat and I really didn’t know who was going to win until the end. That’s the sign of a good match in my opinion.

Bad promo for the Superstar Line.

Too Much vs. Scorpio/Al Snow

This comes after Raw when Snow regained his contract by beating Slaughter in a boot camp match. Now in case you don’t remember that, Lawler will mention it 18 times in the next match. After that the Stooges ran down to beat him up but Scorpio made the save. Too much is here because we needed a heel tag team to job to the new faces I guess. This is an ok match but it’s nothing special.

Snow as always is entertaining here as a very underrated worked and character. Scorpio is someone I’ve always enjoyed as well so this should be ok. For some reason they bring a chair in and after the faces distract the referee, both use it for running poetries in motion on Too Much, but Scorpio botches him and lands on his back.

Other than that it’s a pretty up tempo match here with both teams doing a good job at keeping the fans excited. At the end everything just breaks into a huge fight with there being no idea who the legal men were with there being all kinds of covers by all four men. Finish comes off of the Snowplow.

Rating: B. This was another fun match. There was no point to it at all but it was just fun. The characters were fun and wild with everyone all over the place. Snow was easily the star here which is an odd thin since he w treated as nothing but a comedy character for th majority of his career. This was very fun though and while not great, it was entertaining.

Droz vs. Marc Mero

Only thing of note is that Jackie won the Women’s Title on Monday night. We’re not told who the champion was, so I’m assuming it’s nothing of note at all. Droz is considered to be a freak with talk of him eating deer hearts after hunting and sleeping with boa constrictors. Great things to talk about wouldn’t you say?

Once again there’s no real point to this match other than having a face lower mid card guy against a heel lower mid card guy. Nothing at all of note happens here until Jackie hits Droz in the head with a shoe, leading to the Shooting Star Press, here called the Marvelocity.

Rating: D. No point, no good action, no drama, no good grade. There was just nothing here at all and it was clear that no one cared about it. Not much else to say.

Bradshaw vs. Vader

Again, no point to this match that I know of but it’s no holds barred. Oh and it’s falls count anywhere so it’s a hardcore match. Bradshaw has shaved the beard so we now have the traditional look that we’re used to of him. He says Vader is too far to beat him.

This was Vader’s last match with the company on PPV and his last televised match would be in about 3 weeks in the well known and used Edge vs. Vader match. We get some good news though; the Brawl For All is over. Ross says he doesn’t want Vader between him legs. Oh apparently they’re fighting because they failed as a tag team.

Glad I missed those pairings actually. Here comes the weapons as Bradshaw nails him with the bell. Bradshaw’s power moves here are very well done with all kinds of suplexes and slams that put him over really well. I’ll never understand how finishing moves lose their power as Bradshaw gets up from the Vader Bomb, which put HBK down several times, but can’t put a young Bradshaw down here? Then for a weird finish, the clothesline from JBL doesn’t pin Vader, but a neckbreaker does?

Rating: C+. This was fine for what it was. Putting the hardcore thing in there helped a bit as it kept the weaknesses they had from being exposed, but at the time neither really relied on them too much. The destruction of Vader on PPV is finally ended here which is nothing more than a shame. Bradshaw was given a mini push but eventually they got it right with him in the APA.

We see a thing on WWE.com with Jason Sensation doing various impressions of wrestlers. He was a comedian but some of his voices were dead on. His Taker voice is absolutely perfect.

D’Lo Brown vs. Gangrel

Brown lost the European title to X-Pac on Raw apparently. Yeah I don’t care either. Gangrel’s entrance and music is just awesome to put it mildly. As far as his in ring work goes, that’s another story entirely. He had this weird running elbow drop that I never liked as it was just odd looking. At the time everyone was trying to figure out what the deal with Edge and Gangrel was.

They never explained it but soon the Brood would form. You can feel Russo’s hands all over this as you have two over the top gimmicks as well as no real face or heel character but rather two guys that could be either or. Botched hot shot sends D’Lo face first into the top rope which isn’t something you see that often.

There’s really not much going on here as this whole card just feels like filler with this being the worst of that category so far. Henry comes out and attacks Gangrel, leading to the Sky High for the pin. After the match Gangrel drinks from his cup which lets him beat both of them up.

Rating: C-. There’s nothing here, but both guys have fairly cool gimmicks so I’ll say it just passes. That’s the issue with this so show far: everything just feels like pure filler and it’s not working well. Give me something with some meat to it if you want me to care. There’s no build here or anything and I feel like I’m watching a house show.

Recap for the triple threat for the contendership. This match already happened on Raw but Taker and Kane beat them all down. Promos from all three follow. Shamrock is far better than what he used to be, but he’s still pretty bad. Rock’s popularity has arrived as his pop gets bigger and bigger but he’s still far from what his peak would be. Now we get to Mankind. I have never seen a more off the wall promo.

He references Bill Clinton’s scandal with a girl that even he would have turned down in high school as the only thing that comes close to being as pointless as the people’s elbow. WOW. Also, Rock had referenced sugar coated testicles, which Foley thinks should be a new cereal. Mankind the face has arrived.

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Mankind

Remember this is for the #1 contenders spot and it’s in a cage. Shamrock gets no reaction. He got no reaction in the Attitude Era. Let that sink in for a minute. Mankind’s is solid but Rock’s is just big. This is the older format of triple threats where it’s pretty much a bunch of one on one matches that rotate. I really like the feeling in this match as there’s a good amount of drama and it’s not the watered down variety of today which just absolutely sucks.

These guys beat the living tar out of each other and it’s really working well. They’re fighting hard and the fans are into it. Since we’re in Canada, the heel Rock is getting cheered. All kinds of big spots here as the cage isn’t the star like it is anymore. It’s also the big blue one which is a lot better in my eyes than the one they use now. Anyway, these guys are beating the living tar out of each other with everyone getting dangerously close to winning only to have it snatched away.

Rock lands a double People’s Elbow that has the people going INSANE. Pop of the night so far with ease which is odd as he was the heel coming into this. These guys work each other over very well here with all three being very close again. Both guys are down but Foley dives off the top of the cage with an elbow that crashes. Somehow a chair gets in and Rock just starts killing Shamrock with it.

Foley gets it and both guys are down, but as Foley goes up the cage Rock covers Shamrock for the pin. After it Foley thinks he’s won and raises his hand in victory but then sees Rock and is ticked, ripping out his hair. Rock heads to the back as Shamrock is beating on things with the chair and scaring your favorite Oklahoma representative.

Rating: B+. While I hate the pinfall ending in cage matches, this added a very nice psychology concept to it with Foley trying to be the hero and the heel Rock taking the easier way to get the win. Very subtle yet very key to making the match a bigger success.

You could see that Rock was the biggest star here but it was Foley that was carrying things in there. Vince continues to try to make something out of Shamrock and just epically fails at it. This was a slower paced match but it worked very well as they were all working hard and had the crowd into it as well.

We get a recap of Goldust vs. Venis which was during the time that Rhodes was in the preacher gimmick and Venis made a movie with Terri called the Preacher’s Wife of the two of them sleeping, or I guess not sleeping together.

Val Venis vs. Goldust

This is during the religious period for Dustin who would keep saying HE IS COMING BACK, meaning Goldust. Val brings Terri out who is very scantily clad. Val hits a spinebuster almost immediately but gets powerbombed shortly thereafter. This shouldn’t last that long.

Dustin tries to leave and gets his head taken off for his troubles. Very basic match to start here as Dustin is supposed to be just a man fighting for honor out there while Val is on a hot streak at the moment. Russian leg sweep sets up the grind for Val and then a camel clutch.

Dustin is called a youngster despite being around over 8 years at this point. Take it off chant at Terri. Terri looks at Val dreamily during a long chinlock. Almost all Val here as he goes up for a middle rope suplex but lifts Dustin up and just drops him to the floor in a pinful looking move.

Val goes to the floor and gets consoled by Terri. Bulldog by Dustin gets two which is probably the extent of his control here. Yep the powerslam sets up the Money Shot to end it.

Rating: D. All angle here as this just DRAGGED. It went on for nearly ten minutes here and just didn’t get interesting at all. We get the idea here and didn’t need to have it hammered into us. Nothing special at all and just an extended TV match. The angle was done here I think for all intents and purposes, at least the Dustin aspect.

Recap of DX vs. Jeff Jarrett. Yeah I don’t care either.

DX vs. Jeff Jarrett/Southern Justice

Southern Justice are the Godwinns for those of you that can’t get to sleep at night. This is as bland of a 6 man as you could possibly ask for. It’s a mini feud that no one remembers and fewer cared about. X-Pac gets beaten on, wild brawl, Pac takes a guitar to the head, Fameasser in the ring, match over.

Rating: F. I have no idea why but I hated this match deeply. I think it was just that it was a freaking waste of time. There’s filler that is good and filler that is bad. This was of the latter variety.

Promo and recap which you know the drill of by now. If you can’t tell I really just want this show to end.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. Undertaker vs. Kane

Kane can’t pin Taker and vine versa, making this a handicap match. We see a clip of Austin beating up Vince on Heat. If anyone helps Austin he’s stripped of the title. Austin jumps Taker with a chair as he’s on his way to the ring and beats the tar out of him. Austin was a lot of things but above all else he was smart.

Kane vs. Austin in the ring now as Taker is trying to get up. Top rope clothesline misses as Austin just steps aside. Taker comes back with a chair and Austin is in trouble. Total brawl the whole way so far but that’s what it’s supposed to be. Stunner out of nowhere on Kane but Taker saves.

The Big Red Machine is down forever from that as it’s Taker vs. Austin now. Jumping clothesline takes Austin down but Taker gets caught by a Thesz Press. Heel miscommunication occurs so Austin can get back up which lasts like 4 seconds. The Stooges and Slaughter come out to stand on the stage as it’s ALL Brothers of Destruction at this point.

Back near the stage and Austin makes a brief comeback but gets his Piledriver reversed by Taker. Austin charges at Brisco and half kills him but Slaughter kicks him in the head. Taker brings Austin back to the ring like he’s carrying him to the gallows. Where’s Luke when you need him?

And we replay the beginning of the match for no apparent reason. Back in the ring now and Austin is getting destroyed. He goes nuts and gets some shots in but Taker catches him. They’re doing really well here at making it look like Austin has a chance and then snatching it away. He’s never quite defeated though which is a nice touch.

Austin caves Kane’s head in with a chair but Taker saves. Taker covers but Kane breaks it up, giving Austin a glimmer of hope. Taker breaks up a Kane pin and then drills him to a ROAR. Kane and Austin send Taker to the floor and now it’s one on one.

After a brief reconciliation Taker and Kane need more counseling as they fight again. Austin gets to rest a bit here and fix his knee braces. Double clothesline and both guys are down, prompting Austin to sit up in a funny moment. Finally they get together and hit a double chokeslam and a double pin. Fink does the announcement but pauses before he announces the winner.

Vince comes out and takes the belt. They would have a one on one match at the next PPV where no one would win again, setting up the Deadly Game Tournament at Survivor Series where Rock turned heel to become McMahon’s star. Austin kills everyone in sight and gets flipped off by Vince to end the show.

Rating: C-. This is ok but it’s just a bit boring. Austin fighting insane odds is always fun but the good thing here is they didn’t have him overcome them. That would have been too much for anyone and I think they got that. Having this go over 20 minutes was WAY too long though as it took Kane and Taker all of 40 seconds to beat Austin once they got together. Decent and booked mostly right but too long.

It made the buildup for the rest of the feud great as Austin wouldn’t get the title back until Mania 15. Austin had a great run with the belt but taking it off of him for about 5 months made his next win all the greater. Kane and Taker would fight at the next PPV for the title with a certain redneck as the referee.

Overall Rating: C+. It’s an ok show but that’s it. There are certainly some good matches but the show just dies a painful death before the main event. The Venis match and the DX match are just flat out draining. That’s how I would describe this show: draining.

While there are more good matches than bad, those that are bad are very bad and come towards the end of the show which is what matters most because it’s what’s remembered most. It’s an ok show, but it could have been booked much better. Thumb squarely in the middle.

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So I’ve been watching Raw from 1999 and the following becomes obvious.The show is dominated by about 10 acts.  You have Austin, Rock, Vince, Stephanie, Undertaker, Shane, HHH, Shamrock and the Ministry, all making about 5 appearances each.  Today this is called dominating a show while 1999 is called the good old days.

Funny how that works.

Monday Night Raw
Date: April 12, 1999
Location; Joe Louis Arena, Detroit, Michigan
Attendance: 14,701
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross

Things are again picking up around here as the Ministry is growing out of control and threatening both Vince and his daughter. Last week Ryan Shamrock was sacrificed to Undertaker’s Higher Power with the promise of Stephanie being next. Austin is being pulled into the story as well, making things all the more interesting. Let’s get to it.

Stephanie and Vince are in the back. Why does she keep coming to these shows? Vince tells her that it’s ok and to just relax and enjoy the show.

Opening sequence.

JR is back on commentary with no explanation of him getting his job back.

Here’s the Corporation led by Shane to open things up. JR says Shane has a major announcement for us tonight. Shane brags about how awesome the Corporation is before introducing the newest members: Rodney and Pete Gas. Shamrock grabs the mic and demands an explanation for where the Corporation was last week when Ken was abducted and Ryan was kidnapped. Shane says this is all about the Undertaker and asks Stephanie to come down here. Vince says ok but he and the security are coming too.

The other McMahons and the Stooges hit the ring with Vince wanting to know what Shane’s game is. Shane tells Vince that he’s focused his entire world around his little girl while throwing Shane and the Corporation to the side. Vince has put Jim Ross on commentary when JR can barely speak. Shane would fire JR right now but Michael Cole sucks just as much. Shane says the Corporation is about youth so it’s time for someone to be fired thirty years too late.

Patterson and Brisco are both fired so Vince accuses Shane of being on a power trip. Vince says he and Stephanie are going home but Shane isn’t done yet. Papa McMahon says if you want power you have to earn it, so Shane slaps his dad in the face. Shane says Vince is no longer his father and will just be referred to as Vince. Shamrock isn’t pleased and leaves with Vince.

Post break Vince thanks Shamrock before escorting Stephanie out.

Rock goes out for some fresh air as Shane has a meeting with the Corporation.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori vs. Jacqueline vs. Ivory

Sable is defending and flanked by Nicole Bass. Jackie gets in Sable’s face before the bell so Bass chokeslams her down with ease. Tori gets slammed and Ivory gets chokeslammed off the middle rope. With no one left in the ring, Sable stops to dance. The bell still hasn’t rung yet….and that’s it. Ok then.

With Bass still in the ring, there go the lights and here comes the Ministry. Actually it’s just their music with Undertaker on the screen saying another innocent victim will be sacrificed tonight.

Here’s Austin, having just arrived thirty minutes into the show. He’s also got the regular WWF Title belt with him after giving it back to Vince two weeks ago. He’s glad Rock went out to get some fresh air because what happened at Wrestlemania is nothing compared to what Rock has to go through at Backlash. As for special guest referee Shane, he better enjoy disrespecting Vince while he can because Austin will rip him apart. Back to Rock, he better come out here and give up the title to Austin before Austin drags him out here to take it from him.

Rock pops up on screen with the Smoking Skull belt while standing on a bridge. About a year and a half ago, Austin threw Rock’s Intercontinental Title off a bridge as well, but that’s not what Rock is going to do tonight. If Austin is some kind of a big game hunter, come hunt the Brahma Bull and get your belt back.

Mankind is looking for the boiler room and talks about playing hockey with Al Snow.

Big Show vs. Christian

I don’t see this lasting long. Big Show has his signature music, I believe for the first time ever. Before the match, Undertaker pops up on screen and tells Gangrel and Edge to leave. Tonight Christian has to prove his worth on his own. Christian tries right hands and is easily thrown into the corner for a loud chop. The chokeslam ends this in a little over a minute.

Mankind says he’s ready for a Boiler Room Brawl with Big Show in thirteen days.

Shane sends the Mean Street Posse to the boiler room to take out Mankind.

Rock is still waiting on the bridge.

Rodney and Pete Gas head for the boiler room.

Billy Gunn vs. Val Venis

Feeling out process to start until Val takes him into the corner for some kicks to the ribs. Things speed up for a few moments until Venis catches him in a spinebuster for two. Off to the wristlock and there’s the grind from Val. Billy comes right back with a DDT and some grinding of his own before the cover. A Stinger Splash crushes Val but he comes back with a hot shot to drop Billy face first onto the buckle. Billy gets low bridged to the floor and here are Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart to beat him down for the DQ.

Rating: C. Much better than I was expecting here but the ending didn’t help anything. Both guys were moving very fast out there and it made for an entertaining match. When Billy was staying in the midcard and not being pushed as a big deal I could always tolerate him much more easily. Venis was his usual smooth self.

Venis goes after Owen and Jeff for costing him a match and Road Dogg comes out to help as well. Debra has eyes for Val but Jeff pulls her away. This would be the start of a VERY bizarre story.

We go to Doc Hendrix for the WWF Update. This is just a quick rundown of the major matches with a short promo from Mankind about protecting Big Show by hiding in the boiler room until Backlash. This takes like three minutes and tells you everything you need to know about the show. Simple, efficient and completely lacking the WWE App nonsense.

Mankind easily dispatches the Posse, saying he doesn’t like their haircuts.

Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart vs. Acolytes

Owen bails to the floor, leaving Jarrett to get destroyed by both big men. Faarooq pounds on Jarrett to start before bringing in Bradshaw to keep up the punishment. Off to Owen with a spinwheel kick but here’s the Ministry after a little over a minute for the DQ.

Cue Undertaker to grab Debra by the throat. Since he can’t have Stephanie tonight, Debra is going to be the sacrifice. Ken Shamrock hits the ring with a baseball bat, chasing off everyone but the Undertaker. The Dead Man says if Shamrock hits him, he’ll never see Ryan Shamrock again. Taker says Ryan is in the boiler room so Shamrock destroys the Ministry with the bat before shouting RYAN and running off.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Big Boss Man

Goldust is defending but here are Godfather and the girls before the bell. Godfather says his match with Goldust last week didn’t solve anything so he wants a rematch. Therefore, he’s willing to offer Boss Man any of his women in exchange for the shot at Goldust. Boss Man ups the ante by saying he wants all five. Godfather says deal and we have a new challenger.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Godfather

Goldust scores with a quick clothesline and some right hands, only to be taken down with a clothesline from Godfather. Something resembling a suplex gets two for the champion so he sends Godfather into the steps. Back in and Goldust pounds away rather slowly before hooking the chinlock. Godfather fights up and hits the Ho Train but misses a charge and gets backdropped to the floor. Goldie takes off a buckle pad but gets sent into it chest first, setting up the Death Valley Driver to give Godfather the title.

Rating: D. This is around the time when the IC Title started to die. There’s no reason for Godfather or Goldust or Road Dogg or anyone like that to have the belt and there’s no way to get invested into such short reigns. It’s a big reason why the title means nothing today: there’s no reason to care about any of the champions so we don’t care when the titles change hands.

Mankind has Ryan Shamrock and hands her safely off to Ken.

We get the I Cheer For Them promo, with a bunch of legends talking about how things were back then but how they’re now fans of the modern product. It’s really cool looking and makes the guys of today look awesome while also respecting the past. Nice touch.

The Ministry jumps Mankind and Shamrock. Ken is knocked out with some ether as Ryan screams. The Ministry takes Ken away as Undertaker blames Ryan for what happens.

Al Snow is at ringside for the next match and has put King’s crown on Head.

Hardcore Title: Hardcore Holly vs. D’Lo Brown

Snow gets the winner at Backlash. They quickly head to the floor where Holly finds a hockey stick, only to have it taken away by some of the Detroit Redwings. Back in and Brown breaks the stick over Holly’s back before dropping a leg to drive Hardcore’s head into a chair. They trade shots with the broken stick with Brown getting the better of it.

Snow hands Holly a glass of water which goes upside D’Lo’s head for two. Holly brings in a table but again Brown takes control and lays him out on it, only to be pulled off the top by Snow. Brown comes back in with a chair to lay out Snow but Al pulls Holly off the table, sending Brown crashing through it, giving Hardcore the pin.

Rating: D. Messy stuff here but it continues the story. Here’s the lesson to learn from this match: anything, even as stupid as the Hardcore Title, can be made interesting if you give it a story. Snow only wants to beat Holly for the title so he’s protecting him until Backlash. It’s not a great story and it’s not an important title, but it makes things better than “here’s the champion, here’s the challenger, here’s the match” and it didn’t take much effort at all.

Undertaker says he’s not out of touch with reality but rather just being himself. Ken Shamrock is tied to what looks like Undertaker’s symbol and is promised unimaginable pain.

Rock is very impatient but has a fishing pole to see what he can catch.

Ken Shamrock is on the symbol for the sacrifice. Actually scratch that as Undertaker drags Christian out, saying he’ll be the sacrifice. Shamrock has gotten loose somehow as Edge and Gangrel fight back against the Ministry. Cue Mankind to help fight the Ministry and we’ve got a huge brawl. Taker descends on the Brood’s platform.

Tag Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. HHH/Test

HHH jumps Kane to start but gets kicked in the face for his efforts. Off to Test who gets caught by some fast uppercuts and a slam. A dropkick sends Kane into the corner but he easily lifts Test into the air and into the corner for some right hands and a stomping. Kane gets so tunnel visioned that he won’t tag in X-Pac so the small guy brings himself in. Pac takes over with his kicks and a right hand knocks the illegal HHH to the floor, allowing Test to kick Pac down.

HHH comes in again to stomp on X-Pac in the corner as Chyna gets in a cheap shot of her own. Test gets two off a gutwrench powerbomb but it’s quickly back to HHH for the facebuster. We hit the chinlock for a good while until Pac fights up and hits a spinwheel kick. The double tag brings in Kane and Test with the Big Red Machine cleaning house. Test is sent to the floor after a Bronco Buster, only to have HHH throw him back in for a tombstone to retain the titles as the Game walks out.

Rating: D+. This was a basic tag match but again it was all about the story instead of the match. I like X-Pac and Kane having very little chemistry as they’ve only had a match or two together now. That makes perfect sense and adds a bit of realism to the match. HHH throwing Test back inside will come into play later.

Rock is still waiting.

Here’s Ken Shamrock with something else to say. He’s been trying to get a piece of Undertaker all night long but Mark keeps slipping out the backdoor. He knows Undertaker can hear him so get out here right now so Shamrock can bring him down to reality. There go the lights and Undertaker pops up behind Shamrock for the big beating. Ken rolls out though and pounds away on Undertaker, drawing in the Ministry for the group beatdown. HHH and Boss Man finally come out to pull Shamrock away….only to destroy him themselves as Shane looks on.

Austin arrives at the bridge and the fight is on, only to have Austin pretty easily knocked over the edge and into the water. Rock throws the belt in as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This is another hard one to grade. For one thing, there wasn’t much wrestling and the focus was almost entirely on the Ministry tonight, though they’re by far the biggest thing in the company at the moment. If nothing else, Shamrock is looking like a star in all of this as he’s fighting for his family and what’s right while never backing down. These shows are hard to sit through this fast though and the formula wears thin in a hurry. It’s never boring, but that doesn’t make it good.

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Yeah it came out months ago and everyone has seen it, but when have I ever been one to have something up as soon as possible?This is going to be more of a collection of single thoughts instead of a point by point review.

The first part of the DVD focuses on Punk’s indy days and how hard he worked and all that jazz.  I’ll save the reasoning for an I Want To Talk A Little Bit About that (hopefully) will be up this weekend, but the short response to this is “That’s nice, now let’s let the real wrestlers do their stuff over here.”  Also those Samoa Joe matches really aren’t that great.  They’re just not.

Punk talking about no one knowing what to do with him is probably a fair point.  The early days in ECW were indeed awkward because he didn’t have time to do much.  You can only get so much out of a four minute match with Little Guido or Justin Credible.  He doesn’t mention it but he should have gotten a MUCH bigger push in the Extreme Elimination Chamber.  Bobby Lashley clearly didn’t work long term, but at the time it was fair to say he was a stronger prospect than Punk.

It amuses me greatly that WWE is still trying to convince us that being World Heavyweight Champion means something.  I will however agree that he should have been pushed harder as champion and shouldn’t have been treated like the third biggest act.  The complaints about being beneath Cena vs. Batista on the card are laughable though.  That’s a legitimate dream match that had been built up for over three years minimum.

Yes Punk should have at least been on the Unforgiven card (sidenote: it’s a bad sign that I said “it was in Cleveland” before Punk pointed out that it was in Cleveland.  This is at least the second time I’ve known the city a show was in while watching the documentary.) but Jericho vs. HBK was the feud of the year and far better than anything Punk was doing at the time.  Punk’s story was that he was an underdog fighting for respect.  That’s not exactly lighting the world on fire.

Punk talks about not getting to be the face of the company.  He also talks about not just burning but blowing up every single bridge he’s ever had with a company and being a mean jerk.  But I’m sure he isn’t pushed as the biggest star because someone doesn’t get him right?

He’s absolutely right about writers not knowing what’s going on in his head.  At least have a wrestler’s input when you’re writing promos if you just have to do it that way.  It’s why I rarely let people do promos when I wrote OCW.  They were my characters and I didn’t want people missing the point with them.

The Straight Edge Society could have been a much bigger deal.  Luke Gallows and Joey Mercury did it no favors though.  Also I was there when the stable debuted which was rather cool.  As someone who has never smoked, drank or done any drug whatsoever, I always liked those guys.  As for Punk’s thoughts on it: I LOVE the mentality of wanting fans to hate you for what you say.  That’s the old school booking which has worked for years as opposed to whatever tactics heels use today.

Miz was a very well built up heel and should have been in the main event.  If Punk had been in his spot, he would have been overshaddowed by Rock just as much.  That’s how wrestling works.

On to the Pipe Bomb.  John Cena is indeed the best in the world because he draws more money than anyone does at the moment.  He’s been the biggest star in wrestling for years because he can be put on a poster or be on ESPN and comes off like the nicest guy you’ll ever see.  He isn’t a, for lack of a better term, punk covered in tattoos who brags about how awesome he is all the time.  That’s a great look and attitude for wrestling fans in their 20s, but for 43 year old Jim Nelson from Omaha, Punk is someone they’ll see on TV, mutter about how stupid kids look these days and keep flipping.  You know what’s going to make people stop changing the channel?  John Cena throwing Big Show on his shoulders and flipping him into the air for an AA.

The best thing about the Pipe Bomb?  It lead to a professional wrestling match for the WWE Championship with CM Punk talking about how he was going to pin John Cena 1-2-3 because he’s a better wrestler.  It didn’t lead to some southern belle talking about being in the 1% or what was best for business.  The same was true for the Punk vs. Heyman promos and they led to AWESOME matches as a result.  That’s called hyping a match and it WORKS.

I watched the MITB match again for the History of WWE Championship e-book and it more than holds up.  The fans there look like a bunch of girl scouts compared to the ONS 06 crowd though.  Note one thing though: for at least part of the match, the fans are chanting LET’S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS.  They’re talking about Cena, not Punk, and that’s why Cena is Cena and Punk is Punk.  Also the line about “we didn’t know how that was going to end and that’s what makes it great” is as true of a line as anything you’ll ever hear about wrestling.

Overall, I liked this quite a bit though I don’t agree with Punk on a lot of stuff.  He is indeed a huge deal at the moment, but he’s not as big as Cena and never will be due to the reasons I’ve gone over.  I love the mentality of being better than you are now though and it’s something a lot of people would benefit from.  Good stuff and worth seeing though.

Side notes:

Punk looks a lot like Sami Zayn when he wears a hat.

There’s a voiceover early on and I thought it sounded like Road Dogg.  It was Scott Armstrong, which means I was close.

For those of you unaware, Scott Armstrong is Road Dogg’s brother.

Kofi Kingston and CM Punk are some of the most forgettable tag team champions ever.

I still don’t buy that Punk wasn’t signed at least 24 hours before he cut the Pipe Bomb promo.

The Ferris Bueller’s Day Off bit was GREAT.

I won’t do a full review of it as it’s almost impossible to review a documentary in my style and I’ve done all of the matches before.  I’ll give some thoughts on it if I can remember to soon enough, but one line made me stop the DVD.They’re talking about Punk cashing in his first world title and HHH has this GEM.

“I’ve always thought it’s the guy who makes the title, not the title that makes the guy.”

This coming from HHH, who had a title invented for him so that he could hold the same belt Flair and Race held just so he could be on a list with them, which is hogwash by the way.  That title that Del Rio currently holds has as much to do with the NWA World Title as a belt I made when I was nine.  It has a lineage dating back about 11 years and started when HHH pulled it out of a briefcase.

Anyway, HHH saying that a guy makes a title is rather hysterical given that he’s had a title made for him as well as unified ALL of the titles into one so he could be champion of the universe.

Smackdown
Date: September 27, 2013
Location: Bradley Center, Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield

The WWE is almost on the verge of a civil war between the HHH regime and a good chunk of the midcard. Daniel Bryan continues to be the one big hope for the good guys but tonight is about Dolph Ziggler as he challenges for Dean Ambrose’s US Title. Other than that we may see some new developments for Battleground which is now just over a week away. Let’s get to it.

Here’s HHH to open things up. He’s been checking social media and doesn’t like seeing terms like favoritism or abuse of power. Sometimes WWE Superstars would rather blame management for their own failures. HHH and Stephanie are fine with that burden because they simply can’t make everyone happy so they do what’s best for business. Then on Raw HHH puts Shield in an 11-3 handicap match, ending with Daniel Bryan pinning Seth Rollins for the final win. HHH continues to talk about how awesome the match was but here’s Miz to interrupt.

Miz doesn’t think there’s much to this idea of being fair but HHH cuts him off by reminding Miz of all the opportunities he’s been given. Miz is the classic example of what HHH was talking about: a superstar who failed but blames someone else. HHH put him in the ring with Randy Orton two weeks ago and here’s a clip of the beatdown Orton gave him in front of Miz’s family.

What HHH doesn’t get is why the beatdown that Randy Orton gave Miz should be on HHH’s head. It’s HHH’s job to protect Miz, even from himself. That’s why Miz only allowed Miz to host MizTV on Raw and he even threw Miz another opportunity by giving him Big Show as a guest. We get a clip of Stephanie telling Big Show to knock him out, which Miz says was ridiculous.

HHH asks Miz what he called Stephanie, with Miz repeating the castrated witch line, but he wishes he could replace the W with a B. Tempers were running high all around on Monday and HHH is sure Stephanie regrets what she said. However, let’s talk about tonight. Miz must be ready to go, so tonight it’s Miz vs. Randy Orton. Maybe HHH should even get in the jet and bring Miz’s parents here to watch another beatdown.

R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio

Non-title of course. Del Rio is very excited over what he did to RVD on Raw and he easily weathers an early Truth attack, only to miss a charge into the post. Truth’s suplex into a Stunner gets two but the ax kick misses, allowing Del Rio to hit the low superkick for the pin at 1:33.

Post match Del Rio goes after Truth even more until RVD makes the save and holds up the title.

In the back Vickie and HHH make the match with Del Rio vs. RVD a hardcore match. HHH’s name for the match: the Battleground Hardcore Rules match. Somehow, that might be more creative than the writing staff.

The Prime Time Players teach some stagehands the Millions of Dollars dance.

Prime Time Players vs. Real Americans

Swagger and Titus get things going with O’Neil kicking both Americans down like they’re not even there. Swagger comes back by taking out the leg before the Americans start some rapid tags. Jack drives Titus into the corner for some shoulders to the ribs before it’s back to Cesaro to stomp him down. Here’s the giant swing on O’Neil for a ridiculous 27 seconds. It’s one thing on a small guy like Santino but to do 22 revolutions on a guy 6’4 and over 260lbs is INSANE. Again, why in the world is Cesaro in this tag team and not fighting for world titles?

Cesaro is too dizzy to stop a tag though and Young starts cleaning house. Cesaro comes right back with a spinning Rock Bottom for two as everything breaks down. Darren gets a rollup for two on Antonio but Swagger gets in a blind tag. Young hits the Gut Check on Cesaro but Swagger comes back in with the Patriot Lock for the submission from Young at 3:45.

Rating: C. Any match with nearly 30 seconds of Titus O’Neil being swung around in a circle makes me it at least passable. The Players are a fine midcard team and Cesaro is awesome but Swagger is just there. He’s such damaged goods at this point that he’s dragging down anyone he works with. Heaven forbid we change anything about him though right? That would just be lunacy.

Bray Wyatt vs. Zack Ryder

Harper and Rowan throw Ryder into the ring but don’t do anything to him other than that. Zack fires off some right hands so Bray just runs him over and drives in shots to Ryder’s back. We actually get a chinlock from Wyatt but Ryder fights up and hits his usual stuff. The Rough Ryder is countered with Ryder being LAUNCHED into the air, followed by Sister Abigail’s Kiss getting the pin at 2:21.

US Title: Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler

Kofi and RVD flank Ziggler for protection. Just get to the DQ and six man tag already. Dean takes over with a headbutt and rakes Ziggy’s eyes over the top rope. An elbow drop gets a quick one for the champion but Dolph comes back with punches in the corner and a dropkick. A Cactus Clothesline puts both guys on the floor, triggering a brawl for the DQ at 2:01.

HHH makes the six man.

Shield vs. Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston/Rob Van Dam

The bell rings and we take a break literally a second later. Back with Van Dam firing off kicks to Rollins before driving shoulders in the corner. Rolling Thunder gets two but Rollins gets in a shot to Rob’s bad arm to take over. Off to Dean to crank on the arm but Rob comes back with a spin kick to the face to bring in Ziggler. Dolph snaps off a dropkick and drops five elbows instead of ten. Ambrose pops up and counters the jumping DDT into a snap spinebuster to give Shield control again.

Off to Reigns for a hard clothesline for two before bringing Dean back in to work on the ribs. Reigns comes back in and slams Dolph face first into the mat in a move so simple that it’s awesome. Something like a gutwrench slam has Ziggler in even more trouble but he comes back with a dropkick to put both guys down. Rollins breaks up another hot tag attempt but gets backdropped down, allowing for the real hot tag to Kofi.

Kingston speeds things up and hits the Boom Drop on Ambrose followed by the spinning cross body for two. Ziggler hits the Fameasser on Rollins but gets speared down by Reigns. Rob kicks Reigns down and clotheslines him to the floor for a moonsault from the apron. Kofi hits a springboard clothesline on Ambrose and Trouble in Paradise to Reigns, only to have Rollins hit the running knee to the head to give Dean the pin at 8:13 shown of 11:43.

Rating: B-. Good match for the most part with a very hot finish. Shield certainly still has it for the six man stuff as they went nuts out there with the fast spots for the ending. It’s always more fun when you don’t know who is going to win a match and Shield is great at those false finishes with the last second saves.

Big Show says he can’t sleep at night and is a pariah in his own locker room. He starts crying again when HHH comes in and says maybe Show should just walk away. They really need to read up on what IRON CLAD means. HHH offers to help him find a job as a doorman or baggage handler since Big Show’s size makes him “special.” Big Show holds his fist up at HHH but doesn’t do anything past that.

Cameron vs. AJ Lee

Non-title. Tamina comes out with AJ due to every other Diva being against her (according to AJ in an inset promo). AJ takes Cameron into the corner before hooking a cravate about 30 seconds into the match. Cameron comes back with a quick rollup and a flying leg attack which was supposed to be a cross body for two. AJ sends her to the floor and shouts that Cameron is useless. Tamina takes out an interfering Naomi and the Shining Wizard knocks out Cameron for the pin at 2:41. Still no idea who I’m supposed to cheer for here but Cameron is worthless.

Here’s Heyman to show us a clip of him pinning Punk at the PPV. The fans have disappointed him because they’re surprised he pinned Punk. Heyman trade secret: Punk will lose every time the fans’ blood lust drives him to come after Paul. We look at the Heyman guys destroying Punk on Monday. Heyman thanks everyone for their help on Monday and that includes the fans for driving Punk to do it. Punk is crazy enough to want a match with Ryback at Battleground which will end up with Punk on his back and looking up at the best in the world.

Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater

Santino has Hornswoggle and Great Khali with him. Slater drops Santino with a single right hand to start and we hit the chinlock thirty seconds into the match. Santino comes back with his punches and hiptoss, only to have Slater knee him in the ribs to stop the comeback. As much of a comeback as you can have in the first minute of a match that is.

Slater gets crotched on the top and Santino loads up the Cobra….but Mahal plays a flute to hypnotize the sock. Khali plays a flute of his own to counter but McIntyre takes him down. The Cobra is about to attack Santino when Horny makes the save. Khali plays some more flute, allowing Santino to hit Slater with the Cobra for the pin at 2:58. I’ve watched wrestling for over 25 years and I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything like this.

Los Matadores arrive on Raw.

We recap the Rhodes Family troubles. Cody and Goldust (and presumably Dusty) accept an invitation to Raw on Monday.

The Miz vs. Randy Orton

Miz charges at Orton to start and fires off left hands in the corner. A clothesline sends Orton to the floor and he goes into the post for good measure. Back in and Miz pounds away even more before kicking Orton in the face. The running corner clothesline only hits buckle though and Orton has a breather. Miz might have injured his shoulder and has to be looked at but says he can keep going. Orton immediately grabs the Elevated DDT and won’t let the doctor check on Miz again, drawing a DQ at 3:05. I’m not going to bother rating it due to a good chunk being spent on the medical check but this was more of an angle than a match.

Cue HHH to say that Orton isn’t getting out of it that easily so we’re restarting this as a No DQ match. Orton throws Miz over the announce table and then into the steps as he’s in psycho mode. Miz gets in a chair shot to the ribs but Orton gets in a shot of his own to take over again. Another Elevated DDT on the floor knocks Miz out cold but it’s the RKO for the pin at about 6:20 total.

Rating: C. Again this was more of an angle than a match. They’re doing a much better job at getting Orton over as a heel here though and that’s the important thing. Orton being all smug and holding the title isn’t going to get people to hate him but being a psycho that destroys people when they can’t defend themselves certainly will. Miz is a good choice for a sacrificial lamb.

Overall Rating: C. This was a story building show and there’s nothing wrong with that. The show flew by and never dragged, but there’s nothing on here you need to see. The good for business thing was a bit better tonight with HHH screwing over faces instead of heels like he did on Monday. Not a bad show but it was a supplement to Raw which is a bad choice for Smackdown.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. R-Truth – Superkick

Real American b. Prime Time Players – Patriot Lock to Young

Bray Wyatt b. Zack Ryder – Sister Abigail’s Kiss

Dolph Ziggler b. Dean Ambrose via DQ when Shield interfered

Shield b. Rob Van Dam/Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston – Ambrose pinned Kingston after a running knee to the head

AJ Lee b. Cameron – Shining Wizard

Santino Marella b. Heath Slater – Cobra

Randy Orton b. Miz – RKO

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book of Complete Monday Nitro Reviews Volume I at Amazon for just $4 at:

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No Way Out 2009
Date: February 15, 2009
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker

It’s the final No Way Out and one more time we have a pair of Chamber matches. There are a total of five matches on the card so as you can see we don’t have a lot to work with on this one. Three are title matches, one is a street fight and the other is Shawn vs. JBL for Shawn’s freedom which I’m kind of surprised they didn’t hold off until Mania for, but Shawn wound up fighting Taker instead so I think it’s ok. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course about the McMahons in their war against Orton. You know, instead of about the world titles or the Chamber matches or anything stupid like that. Oh wait they throw that in at the end. How nice of them.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Edge vs. HHH vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Edge is champion here and who would have bet on Undertaker being the first guy to come out on a PPV? Ever seen or heard of that at all? I certainly haven’t. The Chamber has a personality now. Show comes out second to more or less no reaction. Show has gained back a good deal of his weight by this point. It’s kind of fun to wait and see who will be the two starters. It won’t be Kozlov as he comes in third.

HHH won’t start either (I’m stunned too) so it’ll be Jeff vs. Edge. Well you can’t complain there. Edge had ended Jeff’s first reign in January at the Rumble so the story is there. HHH has won three Chambers and is a mere 12 time world champion here. He spits through the top of Show’s cage down on his head just to tick him off. BIG pop when Jeff comes out. The time is allegedly five minutes here but I’ll believe that when I see it. Nearly fifteen minutes into the show it’s time to get going.

JR for some reason can’t get the rules right and Taz has to save him. When do you see that? Jeff goes straight at him and Edge counters with a clothesline to put the purple haired dude down for two. Ok this time pins have to be in the ring. Edge slugs away and growls at Show, mocking the chokeslam. Jeff fights back and the Twist of Fate hits maybe two minutes in. Swanton misses and it’s spear time. Wow they’re going kind of fast here aren’t they? Jeff rolls through it though into a small package, and Edge is out in maybe three minutes tops. WOW.

Now we have to wait for the next guy to come in as the crowd is stunned. He was the reigning champion too, so the world champion just got pinned in about three minutes in a title match. There’s the clock and in third is Kozlov who gets to beat on Hardy for awhile. He’s still undefeated here somehow. The headbutt to Jeff’s chest has him in trouble early on.

It’s so strange to think that Kozlov got his first title as a comedy enforcer rather than this version of him that is in a world title match on PPV. All Kozlov here as the fans chant USA. Well at least they can spell for the most part. Fallaway slam gets two as Jeff has had almost no offense in this period. Vlad gets a bearhug while Jeff is on his back. Jeff gets in some punches and that gets him nowhere so it’s more of the same now.

Here comes Jeff again with the slingshot dropkick to keep Koz down for awhile. Whisper in the Wind hits as the clock ticks down. It’s Big Show in fourth and I don’t like Jeff’s chances of survival here. Does JR have Show’s measurements tattooed on the inside of his eyelids or something? Why else would he know them that easily? Koz and Show beat on Jeff for awhile but don’t cover him for no apparent reason.

They literally spend three and a half to four minutes just letting the other get in big shots on the other guy. Isn’t this kind of uh, stupid? LOUD chop by Show in the corner followed by a second. Tazz makes a bit of fun of JR for saying the Chamber has a personality. Kozlov finally drills Show to take him down while Jeff is able to recover. Well no one ever said these two are that intelligent.

The countdown comes on and it’s HHH in fifth. Anyone else think he’ll be the winner? He goes straight for Big Show and that gets him mostly nowhere so he switches off to….right back to Big Show. Ok then. Spinebuster takes down Show and HHH gets a counter to a Twist of Fate with a clothesline. Vlad does his best Stasiak impression as he charges at HHH but goes over the top to the cage.

The fans cheer for HHH which apparently validate putting him in the main event of Mania in dominance by him. Of course it did. Show gets back into it and the four guys pair off into teams of two. The margins of time are really stretching here. Show slams HHH into the cage and then Hardy into the cage. Show then charges but eats cage instead and is in trouble.

We finally hit the countdown and here comes Taker who goes straight for Show. You can tell Taker is in a zone here and would be ready for Shawn next month. Taker destroys everyone and sets for a double chokeslam but Show breaks it up for no apparent reason. Old School is started on HHH but Taker dives off onto Show instead and DDTs him on the cage. NOW Old School hits the Game. Taker is looking awesome here as he’s beating the tar out of everyone.

Kozlov gets a shot in finally and shows how stupid Russia is as he goes up to the corner and just like happened last year and to everyone else on the planet, the Last Ride drills him and out he goes. Ross is so casual about it that you can tell he’s thinking how stupid Vlad was there. Down to Show, Hardy, HHH and Taker now. Pedigree can’t hit Show and HHH gets backdropped to the cage again.

Show gets all dominant and throws HHH around before going after Hardy for a bit. So he’s a dominant swinger? Kinky. Hardy hammers away so Show just throws him onto the top of a pod. Taker manages to get a superplex off the top of the pod followed by a Pedigree followed by a huge Swanton. HHH steals the pin and we’re down to three.

Hardy is more or less dead after the Swanton so Taker beats on HHH for awhile. He goes for Old School on Hardy but HHH saves. Why do so many people do that? Let Hardy take a big move and maybe get pinned. Apparently that’s a bad thing here. Poetry in Motion with Taker action as Matt takes down HHH on the steel. And then a few seconds later a Tombstone gets us down to HHH vs. Taker which should be good.

Taker misses a big boot in the corner and we head out to the steel again. HHH comes off and lands in a chokeslam for a long two and a big reaction on the kickout. Spinebuster “out of nowhere (dang it JR stop stealing my lines!)” gets a close two. We get an awesome counter sequence as Taker goes for a Tombstone on the steel but HHH reverses over the ropes but Taker keeps rotating and gets one of his own.

It gets two though as HHH puts his foot on the rope. In the ELIMINATION CHAMBER, a foot on the rope breaks up a pin. That is, in a word, FREAKING WEAK! Pedigree gets two and draws boos as we can clearly tell the favorite here. After a big punch out, HHH pounds on him and, I kid you not, does ten punches in the corner. For the sake of my sanity he reverses and a Pedigree ends this. Not sure if we should chalk that up to intelligence or luck but whatever.

Rating: A-. Solid match for sure and the whole thing worked for the most part. They had the good balance here of shock with the beginning, the beatdown by the monster, the big beatdown to get rid of said monster, and the big slugout to end it. Great match and one of the best in the series so far. Oh and HHH has his 13th world title to set up the WAY too long feud with Orton.

Edge freaks out on Vickie who blames Edge for this one. Their marriage would end soon enough.

We recap Orton vs. the McMahons which started with Orton punting Vince when he tried to fire him. There was an alleged mental condition with Orton where he threatened to sue if he was fired. Naturally there wasn’t one which was one of the stupidest angles I can remember in a long time. Shane came back as the big surprise and of course this gets the music video treatment instead of the world title match later in the night. Well why wouldn’t it? IT’S THE MCMAHONS!!! Orton tried to punt Steph but Shane dove in front for the save.

Orton asks how Shane’s father is doing. He’s almost robotic here and it’s rather creepy. Shane is going to cry tonight it seems.

Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon

This is of course no holds barred because that’s all Shane knows how to do. Orton’s entrance takes a good two minutes as apparently with five matches on the card they need to fill time. Shane, as ticked off as possible and here for revenge, still is able to do that dance of his on the stage. Both guys charge but they can’t connect. Shane has the always intimidating gray hair.

And we’re seconds in and Shane is getting beaten down. Well this was nice to see but let’s get on to the next match already I guess. Shane fires back with jabs and his different style of punching. The floor is soaked which I think is off of Orton. It’s garbage can time as we hit the floor. There’s some other stuff out there too but it hasn’t been used yet. Shane goes into an exposed buckle and Shane is in trouble rather early on.

Shane’s back is hurt apparently. He gets a Singapore Cane from somewhere to drill Randy with as this is moving rather slowly. Shane sets up the Smackdown announce table at ringside and DRILLS Randy with the monitor, drawing some blood I think. Oh yeah it’s a big one. Orton is so orange it’s hard to tell at times. Shane sets up the big elbow but Legacy comes in for the save.

Shane, the non wrestler that he is, fights off former tag team champions on his own because who can’t do that right? Coast to Coast to Rhodes on a trash can which would look a bit better if the part of the can Rhodes had on his face actually moved. Shane goes for the elbow through the table but Orton moves, sending Shane crashing through everything.

There’s the elevated DDT for two because you know, fighting tag team champions, getting destroyed by a former world champion, crashing through a table and a spike DDT isn’t enough to stop someone for three seconds. Orton sets up a table and suplexes Shane from the top rope. Say it with me: it gets two. Orton does his stomp to continue boring us to pieces for two.

Randy sets for the spear but Shane gets a spear to take him down. Chair time as he hits Orton in all the spots that Orton uses for the stomp which is a rather creative sequence actually. And now we see two idiotic things to end this match: Shane sets for a Punt as Orton is getting up but Orton pops up with an RKO to end it. One: WHY WOULD YOU CHARGE AT ORTON WHEN HE’S CROUCHED DOWN? Two: an RKO ends this after Legacy, two crashes through tables from the top rope, a huge beating from Orton and shots with weapons don’t end this? Think the RKO is a bit strong by comparison?

Rating: C+. This was fun and a good hardcore match, but running at over 18 minutes and with the ridiculous amount of stuff Shane got up from, this was a bit much. It’s definitely ok but it needed about five minutes cut out and one of the big spots, probably the superplex, cut out to really make this high quality.

Orton’s ankle from the chair shot keeps him from punting Shane.

Mania ad which is for the 25th show, which isn’t the 25th anniversary. Make that a LONG ad for Mania.

ECW Title: Finlay vs. Jack Swagger

Swags has the title here of course. Christian would come back soon to really get the title going but for now we have this still. You can literally see people heading to get popcorn and drinks as Swagger comes out. Horny helped Finlay break Swagger’s undefeated streak so there’s your reason for this match. Ok, apparently Christian is already back. That came out of nowhere.

Finlay works on the knee but has his shoulder rammed into the post. The fans aren’t exactly impressed. Shoulderbreaker gets two. The fans are more or less openly booing this now. Swagger hammers on the arm as Finlay is in trouble. He gets a move that doesn’t really have a name but Christian has done it before. You set for a reverse DDT but drive the other guy’s back into a knee.

Swagger charges at Finlay in the corner but the Irish dude gets a rolling cradle for one as he couldn’t get the shoulders down. Swagger puts Finlay on the top but they get down without anything of note happening. Crowd is mostly dead but not quite. Here comes Horny again for no apparent reason. Cross body off the middle rope gets two for Finlay. Celtic Cross is set up but for absolutely zero reason at all, Horny gets on the apron (he’s called a child again despite having abeard). Finlay is rammed into him and the gutwrench powerbomb ends this.

Rating: D. Weak match and no one bought Finlay as having a chance with Christian being back now. Horny being up there like that made zero sense at all unless they’re trying to make him out to be a child which is rather stupid as HE HAS A BEARD. Why am I trying to figure out Leprechaun facial hair? Match was kind of there.

Shawn is getting ready. We recap the feud with him and JBL. The idea was that Shawn had spent a lot of his money from his high period and now can’t afford to send his kids to college and various other things. You know, because being one of the top guys in WWE pays jack apparently.

Anyway, JBL hired him to help him get the world title going into Mania but Shawn only kind of helped him at the Rumble (he superkicked JBL and Cena) so JBL isn’t happy. Bradshaw made a proposal: they have a match at the PPV where if Shawn wins he gets a full payoff and is free and clear. If JBL wins, he owns the rights to Shawn’s name, likeness and royalties, including the HBK stuff. Kind of obvious who’s winning but the buildup was really good and JBL was as good as he ever was here.

Shawn Michaels vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Had it not been for Taker having nothing else to do but have one of the best matches ever with Shawn at Mania, I really would have liked to see this as JBL vs. Shawn for the title instead. There’s the bell and we’re off and running. JBL powers him into the corner and yells about how it’ll only take one mistake. Shawn finally goes after JBL and the fight is on.

Bradshaw hits the floor for a bit to hide and that gets him absolutely nowhere. Shawn grabs a chair but can’t do it so he hammers away instead. Back in and Bradshaw catches him for a bit. Backslide gets two and here comes the control by Bradshaw. Shawn takes out the knee and gets a Figure Four but JBL is right next to the ropes so it doesn’t mean much.

Crossface goes on which they won’t call by name. The elbow drops begin with JBL looking over at Shawn’s wife who is here. She’s pretty but less British than I expected. Bradshaw hammers him down in the corner and we hit the bearhug. They try to explain the whole Shawn is broke thing but at the end of the day, Shawn makes a big fat paycheck for being a major star in WWE and it’s not like he doesn’t have a job. Just odd as it’s not like he’s out of wrestling when this started.

Shawn gets out of the hold and gets an atomic drop to take over again. Make it a pair. They fight it out on the ropes and down goes JBL. The elbow misses though as Cole channels his inner JR: “Can a man that has always been in the eye of the storm become the storm itself?” Sure why not. Clothesline from JBL hits for two to almost no reaction as the ending is that clear.

The second clothesline hits but Shawn gets to the floor to save his copyright rights. Shawn is barely in at 9 which is impressive as he didn’t move until 7. Bradshaw throws him back to the floor out of frustration it seems. Who would have thought this was one of the feature matches on a PPV 10 years prior? It would have been a tag wrestler against a guy so hurt he couldn’t walk.

JBL goes eviler and goes after Shawn’s wife, ticking him off to no end and I think you can figure it out from here. His wife throws in a shot for good measure. Back in there’s the forearm and a very fast nipup. The elbow hits this time and the band is tuned up. For once that hits completely clean and Shawn wins a bunch of money.

Rating: C. The match was fun but at the same time there wasn’t much here. JBL isn’t the kind of guy that can put on a classic for the most part and Shawn didn’t do much here for the most part, although I’d think that’s more due to his opponent than Shawn himself. It’s definitely not bad, but it was kind of underwhelming and everyone knew the ending that was coming. Still fun though.

Another ad for Mania. Think they’re pushing this one kind of hard?

Jericho says he’ll win and then is going to challenge Flair to a title match at Mania. Ok never mind no he isn’t.

The Chamber is lowered again.

Raw World Title: Kofi Kingston vs. John Cena vs. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox vs. Chris Jericho

Cena is out first to a pretty decent pop and is the reigning champion coming in. This is easily the high point of Knox and his beard of awesome. Kane is your jobber of the day here as he’d never win a world title right? Now we get to the meat of the match as Kofi comes out and Edge jumps him, taking his place in the match. I’ll get to the big problem with this at the end. Also the winner is pretty clear now isn’t he? A Conchairto ends Kofi and Edge jumps into his pod.

Rey comes down to help Kofi as Jericho is out so we’ll start with them. They already had that epic feud over the IC Title so there’s automatic history here. Both guys fight for control and Rey can’t get a 619. Rey gets a flip over the ropes and the beating is on. Rey takes a HARD shot into the glass. Mysterio steals the Spiderman spot from RVD and gets a rana and seated senton to take over.

Kane is in third and goes right for Rey. Jericho tries to jump Kane and it gets him nowhere. Rey fights with what he can but there’s only so much he can do against a guy the size of Kane. Rey manages to get both of them in position for the 619 but Kane pops up to stop him. Rey, the superhero that he is, manages to get the big man down and get the area code move (he’s screwed if that ever changes). Jericho adds a Codebreaker for no cover as Lawler is criticizing them too. A seated senton off the top of a pod gets rid of Kane. Was there a need to take out Jericho first though? Anyway Kane is gone.

In fourth is Knox who is evil because he felt like being evil. There was something so refreshing about that and I loved it. He doesn’t really have a point to beating on Rey. He just kind of likes it. Simple but effective. Jericho sends him out to the cage but the springboard cross body doesn’t work at all. Rey gets caught in a Tree of Woe in the cage which is kind of a cool visual.

Knox is a generic big man but he does the job pretty well. He tries to set Rey for his finisher back in the ring but Jericho grabs a Codebreaker for the pin to get us to the final four. That one I can understand as Jericho had an opening and Mike had one arm free instead of two so it was more taking an opening rather than saving Rey. Anyway Edge is in fourth.

Rey goes right after him and the beating is on. Jericho gets both guys down and can kind of pick his spots. Lionsault to Rey gets knees and an Edge-O-Matic gets two on Jericho. Spear misses Rey and the Codebreaker misses Edge. Jericho stops the 619 to Edge for no apparent reason other than hatred of Mysterio I suppose. Tower of Doom spot as Jericho gets a sunset bomb on Edge out of the corner as Edge hits a release German on Rey, who is more or less dead.

Here comes Cena and Edge does his best Vince imitation as he turns around to meet him. Cena goes off on everyone but mainly focuses on Edge. Various moves take down just about everyone as Cena is ALL fired up. Five Knuckle Shuffle to Edge as it’s all Cena. FU to Edge is blocked by a Codebreaker to Jericho. 619 to Cena sets up the spear from Edge and CENA IS GONE!!! Edge is totally shocked that he finally pinned Cena.

It’s Rey vs. Jericho vs. Edge once the match gets going again after more or less stopping cold after that. Rey sets for a 619 to both Canadians but Edge gets out of the way. Jericho grabs the Walls but is rolled up by Rey to get us down to one on one for the title. Spear eats turnbuckle and Rey gets a rollup for two and a BIG reaction from the crowd which is totally into this.

Rey gets that soccer style kick to the side of the head for another long two. The announcers talk about the show vs. show thing which is rather stupid but we’ll just go with it as they insist it’s a big and important thing or whatever. Rey gets his fourth long two off a tornado DDT. Rey goes for some kind of a springboard move but Edge kicks him in the face to put him back down.

Powerbomb on the cage can’t hit as Rey counters into a facejam on the cage. FREAKING OW MAN! Rey modifies the 619 to kick Edge in the back of his head. In a SICK spot, Rey charges at Edge but gets launched into the air and into the glass which he literally bounces off of. FREAKING OW MAN PART DEUX THE SEQUEL WITH MOST OF THE ORIGINAL CAST GONE AND A WEAKER STORY THAT IS RIDING ON THE NAME OF THE ORIGINAL! Spear ends it as Rey is mostly dead already.

Rating: A-. Another great match here, but this is what I hated about it that I mentioned earlier on: Edge was distraught about losing his world title two and a half hours ago so he goes out and wins another. What could have been a big devastating loss for Edge that gave him something to do for a few months as he tries to get the title back is thrown away as he now has the OTHER world title and is just fine for it. It makes it seem like the world title is easily replaceable which isn’t what it should be at all. Anyway, the match was very fun and the crowd was into it the whole time, making this an excellent match.

Highlights and Edge’s celebration take us out.

Overall Rating: B+. With two matches that are very good for the titles and three others that are all not bad, it’s hard to say this wasn’t a great show. The show was based around those two matches and with both of them delivering how do you really argue this one? Yeah the other stuff is kind of weak, but the selling points of this show worked so what else can you ask for really? Good stuff and it flew by in the good sense of the term.

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Monday Night Raw
Date: April 5, 1999
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York
Attendance: 12,666
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s, shall we say, interesting choice for a post Wrestlemania show, we continue down the road into Vince Russo’s psychosis, meaning things could get very interesting in a hurry. The main story seems to be Big Show aiding Austin in the battle against Vince and the Corporation. Other than that, Undertaker is starting to act more and more Santaly. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Vince and Stephanie being terrified about what Undertaker has become, along with a recap of last week’s show.

Opening sequence.

Tag Titles: X-Pac/Kane vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

This is due to Kane answering an opening challenge last night and Pac coming down to help him, only to nearly get chokeslammed for his efforts. Pac and Owen get things going fast until Pac takes him down with a spinwheel kick. Off to Jarrett who takes a flipping clothesline but makes a blind tag to Owen for a spin kick of his own. A hard whip into the corner takes Pac down and a suplex gets two.

X-Pac rolls through a cross body out of the corner for two as we’re told Shane McMahon will be refereeing the Backlash main event. Jarrett grabs a sleeper but gets suplexed down to give Pac a breather. Owen comes in but misses a middle rope elbow and gets clotheslined down, allowing for the hot tag to Kane. House is cleaned and Kane slams X-Pac onto Jarrett for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. Yeah Russo LOVED his wacky tag team partners. Nothing much to see here but getting the titles off of Hart and Jarrett was the right idea. They’re both good but man alive were they an uninteresting team. The only thing they had was Debra and she would be able to get over with or without anyone. It wasn’t terrible but you can see the division dying.

The McMahons are in the back and Vince says he’s staying with Stephanie all night long. Shane tells the Corporation that their mission tonight is to take care of Big Show and Austin.

X-Pac celebrates and doesn’t know where Kane is. He doesn’t care though as long as Kane is there when he needs to be.

Here’s the Corporation with something to say. Rock still has the Smoking Skull belt. Shane shows us a clip from the end of last week’s show, including Big Show saving Austin from the Corporation. Tonight it’s Big Show vs. Rock/HHH in a very special handicap match. HHH talks some generic trash while Rock makes fun of Big Show and threatens to break off both his feet inside Big Show. Rock puts on the Smoking Skull belt with Shane insisting we get a closeup of the title. During the night, Shane is going to put that picture on the screen at his whim because Shane McMahon says so.

Post break Shane explains what he did to Vince because Vince and Stephanie aren’t watching the show. So why are they even here tonight other than for plot advancements? Vince recommends that Shane chill.

Here’s Ivory with something to say. She wants to know if it’s always that time of the month for PMS because they’re always cramping her style. Ivory knows that Jackie can back up her words but what about Terri? How about she comes out here right now and prove how tough she is. PMS comes out but Jackie lets Terri do this on her own. Ivory rips Terri’s shirt off to reveal the puppies, but the lights go out as the Ministry is here.

Taker says he knows McMahon is watching with his daughter by his side, so wrap your arms around her and give her Taker’s regards. Tonight, there will be a sacrifice in the form of a beautiful young woman who will be taken from her family and break her dad’s heart.

Vince is in the back with cops but demands that Patterson go find more security. He thinks he might have to give Taker what he wants which Shane doesn’t like.

Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly

Non-title meaning it’s under regular rules. They pound each other in the back of the head to start as the lack of weapons makes this sound a bit uninteresting to put it mildly. Out to the floor Snow isn’t allowed to use a chair and Holly takes over, only to be told he can’t use the chair either. Back in and Holly hits a dropkick but stops to pose instead of covering.

A delayed vertical suplex gets two on Al but Holly misses a charge into the corner. Snow pops up to the top for a high cross body for two of his own. The Snow Plow doesn’t work and Holly takes him down with a neckbreaker. Not that it matters as the second Snow Plow is good for the pin on Hardcore.

Rating: D. Here’s a good example of what happens when you have gimmick characters: when you take away the gimmick, there’s no reason to care about either guy. Holly was just a regular guy here and Snow didn’t get to do any of the insane stuff that he used to get over. Nothing to see here at all.

Steve Williams and Jim Ross run in to beat down Snow and Holly.

Shane puts the Smoking Skull belt on the screen.

Undertaker has the Ministry hold Christian for a flogging due to him telling Shamrock where Stephanie was last week.

New Age Outlaws vs. Edge/Gangrel

Billy takes Gangrel down with an ugly dropkick to start before cranking on the arm and bringing in the Dogg. Roadie shrugs off some attempts at cheating and gets two off the shaky knee on Edge. The Brood cheats again and Gangrel gets two off a DDT. There’s a double hiptoss to Dogg and Edge gives Billy some pelvic thrusts.

We hit the chinlock from Edge and a knee to the ribs puts Dogg down again. A nice looking double suplex gets two on Dogg but he rolls away from a flying Edge out of a Rocket Launcher. The hot tag brings in Billy as everything breaks down. Christian hobbles down to the ring and gets sent into the ring for a Fameasser, giving Billy the pin.

Rating: D+. This was another mess with the ending being Russo 104. I’m not sure when Edge and Christian will finally dump Gangrel and team up to become legends but it needs to happen soon. Gangrel is just there and it’s pretty annoying to see him take up a spot from a more talented guy. The Outlaws are still way over though so a rub won’t hurt the Brood at all.

Austin threatens to cost the McMahons a lot of money if they keep showing the Smoking Skull belt on the Titantron.

Recap of the Stephanie kidnapping from last week.

Ken Shamrock vs. Viscera

Ken goes right at Viscera and is promptly thrown to the ground. A cross body goes about as well with Viscera falling on top for two. Shamrock comes back with kicks and an impressive belly to belly suplex but there go the lights and here comes the Ministry for the no contest.

Shamrock is captured and beaten down with right hands and a Bradshaw powerbomb. Undertaker and Paul Bearer are watching from the aisle like true evil masterminds should. Shamrock is dragged away through the crowd.

Shane won’t let the Corporation go after Shamrock because it could be a trap.

Shamrock is thrown into a trunk and driven away.

Val Venis vs. Mankind

Amazingly enough these two would fight on PPV. Mankind does a creepy imitation of Val’s hello ladies by saying hello Long Island while bragging about being on the cover of Newsday. The fans are entirely behind the hometown man(kind) as he runs over Venis with a forearm to the head. Venis bails to the floor but has to run away before Foley can drop the elbow. Venis comes back with right hands in the corner but Foley comes back with a spinebuster.

Jerry and Cole are talking about some conspiracy about ESPN and ABC lying about the WWF in some story for the sake of pushing Monday Night Football. Mankind misses a charge and lands on the floor for a baseball slide from Val. The Money Shot is broken up and there’s the Claw, only to have Venis fall off the top and out to the floor. Back in and the double arm DDT sets up Socko for the win.

Rating: C-. This is the ultra rare clean finish in the Attitude Era with Foley getting the relatively easy win over someone that had no business beating him. Oddly enough, that’s something you don’t seen enough in today’s rigidly structured WWE. The match was nothing special but the fans were going nuts for Foley to make it better.

The lights flicker in Vince’s office.

The Ministry has a huddle in the middle of the hallway.

Intercontinental Title: Godfather vs. Goldust

Goldie is defending. Godfather offers him the girls but Goldust is too freaky so Godfather opts to just beat him up instead. The champion comes back with a shoulder block before bailing to be near the girls. Back in and Godfather gets two off some elbow drops before hitting the Ho Train, only to be tripped up by the Blue Meanie. Goldust and Godfather brawl to a lame double countout to the collective disinterest of the audience.

Vince’s lights flicker again before going out. A lot of shouting is heard and Stephanie screams.

Here’s the Ministry dragging someone under a blanket and tying them to Undertaker’s symbol. We cut to the back to see Stephanie with Vince and the sacrifice is……..Ryan Shamrock. Undertaker promises to make Stephanie one of them due to the wishes of the higher power. Vince shouts into the camera for Undertaker to stay away from Stephanie.

HHH/The Rock vs. Big Show

HHH comes out to the DX music because that’s the kind of jerk he is. Rock again gets annoyed when the fans keep singing long with his catchphrases, including when he telling them this is NOT sing-a-long with the Rock. There are tags required here so it’s HHH being headbutted into the next county to start.

A big backdrop puts HHH down so it’s off to Rock who gets a headbutt of his own. Back to the Game who walks into a backbreaker but gets up a boot to the face in the corner. HHH tries to pound away but gets slammed down with ease. Rock comes back in with right hands but gets caught by the throat, drawing in Chyna for the DQ.

Rating: D+. This was just there for the Big Show to treat Rock and HHH like a moderate size Japanese city. As usual, the match here was little more than a backdrop to set up the post match stuff but to be fair, you can’t put Show over here so let Big Show look good before getting beaten down.

Post match Show is beaten down and hit with the People’s Elbow, drawing out Austin (thankfully in BLUE jeans this week). Rock still escapes with the Smoking Skull belt. Shane puts the shot of the belt up on the screen again and that’s it for Austin. He and Big Show charge up the ramp but stop before going through the curtain.

Austin instructs Big Show to pull the Titantron down……AND HE DOES IT! Austin sneaks under the tron and slices through the screen. This blew my mind as a kid, even though it’s clearly slight of hand now. Austin destroys the screen with a pole to end the show. Cole calls the screen the crown jewel of the company. Just go with it people.

Overall Rating: C. This was better as the insanity was still there but in smaller doses. There was some actual focus on the in ring action and some build to the PPV as well. For this era, that’s about as good as you’re going to get. Austin getting involved with the rest of the Corporation feud instead of just Rock and Vince is a nice change. We can also head up to the Higher Power stuff too which should be interesting when you know what’s coming.

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Impact Wrestling
Date: September 26, 2013
Location: Verizon Arena, Little Rock, Arkansas
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re less than a month away from the biggest show of the year and somehow the top heel is Dixie Carter. Bully Ray is busy with the rejects known as Aces and 8’s while AJ Styles is being called Mr. Marginal by a woman famous for having a husband named Surge and tweeting a lot. But remember, everything is FINE in this company. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual recap of last week’s events.

Dixie Carter arrives and blows Sting off, basically telling him to stay out of her business.

Here are Bully and Brooke to get things going. Bully says it’s not easy to take the words out of his mouth but Dixie did it last week. He’s been up every night wondering how he can beat AJ Styles since AJ won the Series. Now it doesn’t matter though as Dixie is inside AJ’s head. AJ should be kissing the ground Dixie walks on for making him phenomenal. Ray stops to ask if we know who he is and here are the remaining Aces and 8’s.

Knux does the talking and says the same thing he said last week: Ray needs to stop thinking about his ho and start thinking about his bros. Ray says he’s the president and the rest of their patches should just say lackey. They need to fall in line and remember what he did to the former members of this club. Tonight it’s Main Event Mafia vs. the three of them and if an Ace loses, they’re out of the club.

Joseph Park is shaving while singing Sweet Caroline when Eric Young and ODB come in. Eric says Park needs to use a safety razor to prevent the civilians in the back.

Bro Mans/Gail Kim vs. ODB/Eric Young/Joseph Park

This is a result of Robbie getting beaten by both Young and Park in a combined 12 seconds last week. The girls start but it’s off to Robbie vs. Joseph before there’s any contact. Robbie can’t slam Joseph so Park slams him down for one instead. Jesse and Gail slow Joseph down before the Mans send him into the buckle. Jesse hits a good looking dropkick and avoids a seated senton from the big man. Robbie’s middle rope elbow gets two but Park comes back with something resembling a Samoan drop.

The referee misses the hot tag to Eric and it’s Gail in to get in some cheap shots. Back to the guys who are clotheslined down by Joseph, allowing for the hot tag to Eric for some house cleaning. Everything breaks down and ODB sends Gail to the ramp. Robbie pulls back to hit ODB so she shoves his face into her chest. Eric hits a Death Valley Driver on Jesse, setting up a middle rope splash from Park, a top rope elbow from Eric and a splash from ODB for the pin at 6:26.

Rating: D. WAY too long here for the story they were telling as there was nothing going on out there. Park cleaned house, Park got beaten down, Park made the hot tag, ODB breast joke, pin. Somehow that took nearly seven minutes to get through. I’m over the in your face comedy stuff with ODB, Park and Young but they’re clearly not going anywhere.

Austin Aries says he’ll explain his future plans in the ring.

Hulk Hogan says he’ll fix everything.

Here’s Aries with something to say. He says it was just a year ago when he was headlining Bound For Glory and even though he’s not doing that this year, he’s still the main eventer. This brings out…..Kenny King? Kenny says he’s tired of hearing everything Aries is talking about when it was Kenny King making headlines last year when he became X-Division Champion. Then the headlines changed to King being ripped off by Frail Sabin. He was ready to get his belt back but then someone got in the Manik costume and stole the X-Division Title.

That would be Austin Aries, who hasn’t been the future or Generation Next (ROH reference) in about ten years. Now it’s Kenny King’s time but Aries cuts to the chase by saying he’s ready right now. King says that just like Hilary Clinton says before she takes her clothes off, “you don’t want none of this”, before decking Aries. Austin fights him off and says let’s do it right now so here’s a referee. Aries doesn’t wait and dives at King on the ramp to start the match after a break.

Austin Aries vs. Kenny King

Back with Aries pounding away on the floor before heading back inside, only to be taken down by a leg drop and caught with a jumping elbow in the corner. King is busted open BAD, likely off something on the floor. Aries comes back with chops and an atomic drop before rolling over King’s back to set up a release STO. The pendulum elbow but King spins out of the brainbuster. Aries loads up the 450 but King comes back with a super Tazplex for two. Austin shrugs it off and hits the running dropkick and the brainbuster for the pin at 5:00.

Rating: C. This was fine with both guys getting to show off a bit out there. I’m getting curious as to what Aries is going to do at the PPV as he really doesn’t have anything going on right now, though that could be said about a lot of big names. King could be worth something in the X-Division if there was enough competition to fight him.

Lei’D Tapa is coming. It still should have been Ivelisse.

Chris Sabin brags to Austin Aries about being greater than the greatest man that ever lived. Velvet still looks uncomfortable. Sabin and Velvet leaves and Aries says he’d like to test Sabin’s theory.

We recap the end of Ray/Aces and 8’s from earlier.

The Mafia is getting ready but Magnus is frustrated by EGO. Sting tells him to calm down and focus on the bikers tonight.

We get a quick recap of AJ vs. Dixie from last week.

Here’s Hogan to make everything better while also taking a bunch of money and not really improving anything. Hogan talks about being here for about four years now and being GM, meaning he’s in charge of the day to day operations of this show. You never air your dirty laundry in public, and that’s what’s happening with Dixie and AJ. The fans seem to think AJ Styles should stick around and Hogan wants AJ out here to hear that himself. No one comes out so Hogan says we’ll do this later.

Kurt Angle is back at BFG.

Someone named ETHAN is coming.

X-Division Title: Manik vs. Chris Sabin

Manik is defending and gets a quick two off a cross body. Sabin jumps over him in the corner but goes down grabbing his knee. Sabin limps around the ring and leans on Velvet for help, allowing Manik to become the stupidest man in wrestling by falling for it. The distraction lets Sabin pop up to the apron and kick Manik in the face to take over. Back in and Manik jumps over Sabin in the corner before putting on something like a Sharpshooter’s mentally disabled cousin.

A middle rope missile dropkick staggers Chris before Manik busts out kicking combination #6 and a standing flip attack gets two. Velvet’s distraction lets Chris get two off a rollup but Manik catapults Chris into the corner. Back to the same leg lock from earlier from the champion but Chris reaches out for the ropes, only to grab Velvet’s hands. He drags her inside but the distraction lets Manik counter a rollup into a pinning combination for the pin at 5:43.

Rating: C+. I just don’t get the appeal of Manik. He’s fine in the ring and does some nice stuff but I don’t get his popularity. The leg stuff was smart here and it furthered Sabin’s heel turn, but the match wasn’t much better than average. Also, wasn’t Jeff Hardy involved in this feud?

Sabin pounds on Manik until Aries makes the save. Velvet looks shocked at what Chris was doing.

Garrett Bischoff tells Aces and 8’s to keep it together. Knux is ready to go.

Kurt Angle is still back at BFG. That hasn’t changed in the last 20 minutes. Here’s the same video in case you were confused though.

EGO thinks they should be in the Hall of Fame and suggest they should make sure Magnus loses again tonight. Bad Intentions laughs maniacally but Roode just stares at them, refusing to join in. Daniels: “That’s how villains laugh. Come on Bobby.” Roode walks away. Funny stuff.

Main Event Mafia vs. Aces and 8’s

If the Aces lose, whomever loses the fall is gone. Magnus pounds away on Knux to start but Garrett comes in to be suplexed. Knux and Brisco immediately dive in for the save and everything breaks down. Cue EGO to beat up Magnus who is left holding his knee as, making it 3-2 for the time being.

Back with Sting still in trouble and Magnus not on the apron. Knux chokes on Sting a bit and it’s off to Brisco for a chinlock. Sting finally fights up and dropkicks Wes down and there’s the hot tag to Joe as the Aces are all taken down. The backsplash gets two on Brisco and everything breaks down. The Stinger Splash crushes the bikers and there’s the Clutch on Brisco for the submission at 10:07.

Rating: C. The match was ok but it illustrates the problem with the remaining bikers: even with an advantage they were trampled by a pair of former world champions. Why would anyone care if Brisco is gone? He’s done nothing at all and is just another lackey. The match was fine but the conclusion was never in doubt other than which Ace took the fall.

Post match Ray comes out and demands Wes’ cut but he won’t give it up. The fans chant NO, so Bully orders Garrett and Knux to take the cut off of Wes. They hesitate so Ray yells at them and lays out Wes himself with a clothesline and a piledriver. They’re told to take the cut off again or Ray will piledriver Brisco a second time. Knux and Bischoff begrudgingly do what Ray says. Bischoff holds the cut out to Ray but Bully wants Knux to hand it to him. Ray tells Knux to not let the people get in his head before handing him the cut. Knux and Bischoff pick up Brisco….and we need to watch Hogan walking in the back.

Hogan is in the ring to call out AJ with his double theme music. Hogan has a long term contract for AJ to sign but AJ doesn’t look happy. He picks up the pen and finally signs, saying he’s TNA’s. This brings out an overly smiley Dixie Carter who talks about why she signed Hulk. He was brought in to open doors and that’s exactly what he did. She’s very grateful but Hogan is just an employee. Dixie makes fun of AJ Styles’ accent and rips up the contract, telling AJ can get out of his ring.

AJ leaves so Dixie goes on a rant about how no one knows how tough she has it. She knows how tough it is because she’s in the 1% of people that get to make decisions like she does. Yes, they’re seriously going with this story. Hogan now has a week to fall in line and join Team Dixie or else.

Overall Rating: C. I liked the show for the most part tonight as the middle of the BFG card is starting to come into focus. The elimination of an Ace is always a good thing as they’ve been around for about a year too long at this point. The Dixie/AJ/Hogan stuff makes me roll my eyes but at this point it’s hard to complain about anything not named Aces and 8’s. Decent, but not great show this week.

Results

ODB/Eric Young/Joseph Park b. Bro Mans/Gail Kim – Splash to Jesse

Austin Aries b. Kenny King – Brainbuster

Manik b. Chris Sabin – Rollup

Main Event Mafia b. Aces and 8’s – Koquina Clutch to Brisco

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