Impact Wrestling
Date: January 3, 2013
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Kenely, Tazz

We open the new year with the return (yes another one) of Sting. Rather than let us be surprised by who wins, TNA has decided to throw the name out there ahead of time. The other issue is that Anderson may or may not be joining Aces and 8’s. That would help their star power but somehow make them more boring at the same time. Let’s get to it.

The opening recap kills some time.

We open with the Superstar of the Year presentation. The nominees are Ray, Storm, Aries, Roode and of course Hardy. To the shock of no one other than Aries or Roode, Hardy wins. Roode and Aries were arguing to the ring when the announcement was made and the two of them being shocked was funny stuff. Hardy says that this award means just as much as being champion, which draws Roode into the ring to yell.

When Roode was champion, NOTHING was more important to him than the title. He made history and set records when he was champion but here’s Aries to argue that HE should be the winner because he averaged over four stars per PPV match. Hardy calms things down and says he’ll defend against both of them at Genesis, which I think is the first match announced. Aries jumps him but gets in an argument with Roode over who gets to beat Hardy up. Aries tries to hit Jeff with the trophy but blasts Roode instead, bending the gold part on top. Hardy takes out Aries and leaves.

Storm is disappointed but Bad Influence comes in and makes fun of a country song to show how sad Storm is in a hilarious bit. Storm says he’ll be back and he’ll kick Daniels in his Twitter and knock Kaz’s Facebook off. Kaz: “You forgot MySpace!”

Kazarian vs. James Storm

Daniels faked Storm out to start and Kaz got in a cheap shot to really start. That’s some nice chicanery there. Storm pounds away in the ring before we head to the floor where Daniels can cheat yet again. Back in and Storm comes back with Closing Time (Codebreaker) for no cover, instead opting for a Russian Leg Sweep and a top rope elbow for two. For the third time a Daniels distraction lets Kaz take over, this time with a TKO for two. Storm hits another Codebreaker out of nowhere and after taking out Daniels, hits the Last Call to a jumping Kaz for the pin at 4:05.

Rating: C. Storm continues to be kept away from the main event but it’s nice to see him overcoming the odds for a week and getting a clean pin. Also, it’s VERY nice to see Bad Influence fighting anyone other than AJ for all of eternity. Other than that though, the match was relatively dull with Storm just doing his thing and hitting his signature moves.

Anderson is told to make a decision by Aces and 8’s and after some prodding from Doc, he finally agrees. However, D-Von’s bat is missing.

Kenny King talks to Kid Kash about some mini tournament for the shot at RVD.

Quick highlight package on Sting and Aces and 8’s.

Here’s Doc to say that Sting needs to get out here so he can cripple Sting once and for all. A ball bat falls from the ceiling and Doc FREAKS, shouting that he isn’t afraid and demanding that Sting get out here as we take a break.

Brooke has no comment on her dad.

X-Division #1 Contenders Tournament: Kid Kash vs. Christian York

Kash jumps him to start and takes it to thef loor very quickly, only to get caught by a dropkick and a kick to the head from the apron. Kash pounds away a bit but York comes back with a botched handspring into a kick for two. A running low downward spiral gets two for Christian and he counters a backslide into the Mood Swing (Eve’s swinging neckbreaker) for the pin at 3:43.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see at all here as Kash continues to just be a warm body in the division. York isn’t much better and I’m not wild on these mini tournaments, especially when the finals and the title match are at the same show (Genesis obviously), it gets a little dull. Nothing to see here though.

Hernandez and Chavo aren’t scared of Morgan and Ryan.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan

Morgan has a bad arm so Joey is subbing for him. Ok then.

Joey Ryan vs. Hernandez

Hernandez pounds away to start and Morgan’s arm appears to be fine. He comes in and hits a discus lariat on Hernandez for the DQ at 1:00.

Chavo gets taken down as well post match. Was there a point to this segment?

Angle thanks Brisco and Bischoff for having his back. Tonight it’s a cage match so they can hang back here. Joe yells at them for no apparent reason but Angle smooths things over.

We see the Knockouts stretching.

We recap Aries/Ray/the Hogans for the millionth time.

Here’s Hulk to apologize for being gone last week. He saw his daughter and Ray making out in the parking lot and he needed a breather. Hulk asks Brooke and Ray to come out here right now so here they are side by side and nearly arm in arm. Hulk wants an explanation right now and Ray says it was all on him. Papa Hogan GOES OFF on Ray, saying that he knew all along that Ray was a bad man. Apparently Ray broke some kind of code and he gets thrown out of the ring, just like Brooke. Ray is suspended as well. Is there a point to this coming ANYTIME soon?

Post break we recap what we just saw.

Back to OVW for more Joseph Park matches. He’s been watching a lot of tape and Danny Davis is starting to get the appeal of him. I think Park graduates.

Gail Kim/Tara vs. Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher

Tess is in all blue tonight which is a nice change of pace. She and Gail start but it’s quickly off to Tara. I do enjoy the camera closeups we get of the Knockouts unlike the Divas. Mickie comes in off a blind tag to clear the ring as Jesse consoles Tara. Back in for Tara vs. Mickie as we take a break. Back with Tessmacher getting the hot tag and cleaning house. Tara gets knocked to the floor where Jesse wipes her face, allowing Kim to deck Tessmacher from behind. Back to Kim legally for an over the shoulder back/rib breaker for two.

Gail misses a charge in the corner and falls to the floor but she still manages to block the hot tag. Tara comes in with the slingshot somersault legdrop for two and it’s off to a quick bow and arrow hold. Tessmacher slams Tara face first into the mat and we FINALLY get the hot tag to Mickie. House is cleaned and a neckbreaker on Kim gets two. Everything breaks down and Tessmacher dives on Jesse and Tara on the floor. Gail misses the same charge in the corner again and Mickie hits the MickieDT for the pin at 13:04.

Rating: D+. WAY too long here for the same four chicks we’ve seen fight for months. Is Velvet gone again, because we haven’t seen her in the ring for two weeks now. It still seems to be setting up Mickie to take the title off Tara, which makes Sky’s return worthless. Not a bad match here but there was no need for this to be over seven minutes, let alone thirteen.

Aces and 8’s say they have to stay masked.

ODB is glad Sting is back and says Young will be back soon.

We recap the announcement of the triple threat match at Genesis.

Hulk makes it a three way elimination in a segment that doesn’t need to exist. Next week it’s the two of them against Hardy and whoever Hardy can get.

Samoa Joe/Kurt Angle vs. D-Von/Masked Man

In a cage for absolutely no apparent reason. Doc slams the door on Angle as he gets in the ring, making it a handicap match to start. Joe beats on both guys in the ring as Doc keeps beating up Angle on the outside. D-Von charges into his partner in the corner so Joe can divide and conquer a bit. The numbers finally catch up to Joe and his comeback attempt is quickly stopped. Thankfully there’s no tagging in this. I can’t stand the idea of law and order in a cage match.

D-Von kicks the door into Angle’s head again as the beating continues. We take a break and come back with Joe still fighting both guys off on his own. To be fair it’s not like (presumably) Mike Knox and D-Von would be a huge challenge for a guy like Joe. Angle fights off Doc and gets the key to unlock the cage. Kurt cleans house but can’t get the mask off due to Doc making ANOTHER save. Angle is busted open now but he avoids D-Von’s headbutt. It’s time to roll some Germans on both bikers and the Angle Slam pins the masked man at 11:43.

Rating: C-. Again, why am I supposed to be surprised here? Joe and Angle are two of the biggest stars in TNA history and they’re beating up two guys with barely any singles success ever? This is supposed to be interesting? Nothing to see here for the most part and the cage is just there to try to add some drama I suppose.

Post match more bikers run in to beat down Angle and Joe as Anderson watches from the floor. Sting comes in with the bat to clean house with little fanfare. Aces and 8’s bail, but the masked man from the match is left alone. He gets triple teamed and the mask is pulled off to reveal Mike Knox, shocking ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. Gee, just what Aces and 8’s needs: ANOTHER FREAKING CAREER NOTHING. Tenay says Sting just took the power away from Aces and 8’s. Mike, go watch some CMLL or something. It’ll do you a lot of good.

Overall Rating: C. This wasn’t the worst show in the world but it certainly wasn’t all that great either. At the end of the day, this show has become almost all about drama as we wait to get to next checkpoint in the Aces and 8’s story and any kind of a point at all in Hogan vs. Ray. Hulk is looking like a jerk in this whole thing which doesn’t really do much for Ray at all. Aces and 8’s are still Aces and 8’s as well, but now with two big guys with no career accomplishments. Nothing to see here but at least we FINALLY have some stuff set for Genesis.

Results

James Storm b. Kazarian – Last Call

Christian York b. Kid Kash – Mood Swing

Hernandez b. Joey Ryan via DQ when Matt Morgan interfered

Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher b. Tara/Gail Kim – MickieDT to Kim

Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe b. D-Von/Masked Man – Angle Slam to Masked Man

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

NXT
Date: January 2, 2013
Location: Full Sail University, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, William Regal

We’re back to a regular show this week after last week’s pretty awesome year in review show. The main change is that the Shield has now been acknowledged in NXT, which is kind of strange as Ambrose never appeared on this show that I remember. Anyway, it’s nice to see things caught up even a little bit as we’ve now hit Survivor Series. Skipping a week or so wouldn’t really be that big of a deal would it? Let’s get to it.

Before anything else has time to happen, the Shield is beating down some guys who we didn’t even get to see. The bell was ringing as Coheed and Cambria were wrapping up the theme song. Dusty pops up on stage and says that’s enough. Ambrose says that’s just a small taste of what they’re capable of. It’s all in the name of justice and righting wrongs. Rollins says they’re taking over NXT just like they did with Raw and Smackdown. Dusty says that Rollins is defending the title against Corey Graves tonight. Rollins says ok but be careful what you wish for. Reigns says this is their house and Dusty is paying rent.

Bo Dallas vs. Epico

The fans want the absent Rosa and I can’t say I blame them. Dallas runs him over to start and grabs a headlock, only to nearly fall to the floor as Epico sends him into the ropes. A knee to Dallas’ ribs takes him down and a slingshot hilo gets two. Epico hooks a body scissors followed by a backbreaker with Dallas being bent over the knee. A dropkick from Epico sends Dallas into the most overblown fall this side of a Curt Hennig match and gets two. He spun in about a circle and a half from a standard dropkick. Dallas shrugs off right hands and starts to smile. A belly to belly suplex to Epico sets up the spear for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: C-. I try to get into Bo Dallas matches but I just do not care for the guy. He certainly isn’t terrible and I don’t groan when he has a match, but man alive I just do not care when he’s in the ring. Part of it is the spear as a finisher. I can’t stand it when small guys use the spear as it never looks right. It drove me crazy when Christian would use it because as a power move, it wouldn’t do much damage using wrestling logic. Anyway, not a terrible match or anything here and the fans are into Dallas.

Post match the cousins circle Dallas until McGillicutty makes the save, likely setting up a tag match.

Sasha Banks vs. Tamina Snuka

Tamina pounds her down as Regal talks about how she’s a second generation athlete. The interesting part: he DOESN’T say whose daughter she is! After an abdominal stretch from Tamina, Sasha makes a comeback with chops and a monkey flip followed by a victory roll for one. Dawson reminds us who Tamina’s papa is as she hits a Samoan Drop and Superfly Splash for the pin at 2:49. Total squash.

Kassius Ohno/Leo Kruger vs. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel

For some reason I never put it together that Gabriel and Kruger are both from South Africa. The non-South Africans start things off and trade a few go behinds until it’s off to Gabriel so things can speed up. Ohno hits a knee/kick to the face and brings in Kruger to face the almost immediately tagged Kidd. International Airstrike (were they ever officially called that?) hit some MCMG style double team moves to torment Kruger, with most of the moves being based around kicks to the face.

We get a breather as Kidd hooks a quick armbar but changes over to a Sharpshooter attempt instead. Kruger heads to the floor along with Ohno and it’s time to unleash the dives. Kidd takes out Kruger after Gabriel dives on Ohno and we take a break. Back with IA hitting stereo kicks to Kruger’s chest/back for two for Tyson. An Ohno distraction lets Kruger hit a spinebuster on Kidd to take over.

Ohno comes in with a standing backsplash for two and it’s off to a modified cravate to crank on Kidd’s neck a bit. Back to Leo for a snap suplex for two followed by some elbows. Kassius shouts that Leo is an animal. So should he want to hunt himself? Kruger drops knees on Tyson’s ribs and hooks a quick chinlock before Ohno comes back in. Kidd dives to the corner and makes the hot tag, allowing Gabriel to speed things WAY up. After diving on Ohno, a blue thunder bomb gets two on Kruger. Everything breaks down as the South Africans trade rollups. Leo hits the Kruger End for the pin at 8:13 shown of 11:43.

Rating: C+. Good tag match here, although I don’t think Dawson is accurate when he calls this a career defining win. I like Kruger more every time I see him aside from his finisher and the big game hunter thing is working for him. Kidd and Gabriel were their usual awesome selves here. That leaves Ohno, who I still do not get the appeal of at all. I know he’s talented, but this just isn’t working for me at all.

NXT Title: Seth Rollins vs. Corey Graves

Something tells me Graves isn’t really the favorite here. They slug it out to start with Graves taking over, getting two each off a small package and backslide. He goes for the leg lock but Seth makes a rope. Meaning it can only be regular leg work for now. Rollins gets an elbow up to slow things down and a running knee to the chest gets two. Off to a headscissors hold by the champion followed by a forearm to the face to keep Graves down. Rollins starts getting fired up but Graves takes the knee out and puts on the 13^th Step….and here’s the Shield for the DQ at 4:43.

Rating: C. This was starting to get good but how much can you do with just five minutes? They were in a weird spot here as Graves was a heel coming in but had to play the face here out of necessity. I’m thinking this is the end of this pairing though as the Shield debut changed everything about Rollins, so him fighting a heel doesn’t make a ton of sense. Still though, decent match while it lasted.

Dusty sends some jobbers out to try to stop the Shield but they have no luck. We get up to about eight guys in there and they still can’t get Shield out of there. Bo Dallas gets stuck in there alone and takes the Triple Bomb. Now in a good wrestling company, this is where the top face of the company would come to the ring for a BIG showdown. Thankfully NXT is a good wrestling company so here’s Big E. Langston and the place goes nuts. Despite being up 3-1, the Shield bails. Dusty makes Langston vs. Rollins next week for the title.

Overall Rating: B-. As usual, NXT continues to be the textbook example of what you can get from a basic, by the book wrestling company. There’s nothing going on here that is over the top or ridiculous or trying to swerve the fans, and yet it’s the show I enjoy watching the most all week. The matches are still fresh, although to be fair they only have an hour a week to fill vs. WWE’s five plus. Anyway, good stuff here and I’m fired up for next week’s showdown.

Results

Bo Dallas b. Epico – Spear

Tamina Snuka b. Sasha Banks – Superfly Splash

Leo Kruger/Kassius Ohno b. Tyson Kidd/Justin Gabriel – Kruger End

Corey Graves b. Seth Rollins via Dqq when the Shield interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Saturday Night’s Main Event 9
Date: January 3, 1987
Location; Hartford Civic Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura

Well we’re around the time of Mania 3 but first Hogan has a big feud to end. This time it’s Paul Orndorff who he’s feuded with forever and it’s in a cage. Other than that there isn’t much at all, but that’s a semi-famous match if nothing else so it more than makes up for it. Two more after this as I try to finish this series off today. This is really just filler until we get to Mania so don’t expect much. Let’s get to it.

Orndorff says Hulkamania dies tonight. That needs to be copyrighted as whoever owned it would make a fortune.

Hogan says he’ll win from inside a cage.

Adonis says Piper will pay tonight.

Steele has a surprise for Savage.

Race says JYD will bow to him.

JYD says he’ll bow to no one.

All other theme songs bow to this one though.

Vince says welcome to the insurance capital of the world. Are you kidding me?

Orndorff, with his right arm clearly being smaller already, refuses to be interviewed. He was making $20,000 a night at times so how can you turn that down?

WWF World Title: Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan

This is the first cage match on network TV apparently. Well that’s kind of cool. Paul has stolen Hogan’s music at this point which is such a great heel tactic and someone needs to steal it today. Hogan says it’s time for a new start but the cage is a dead end for Orndorff. His eyes are bugging out of his head so he’s liked coked half to death.

Today this would be the main event of a major PPV like the Rumble with ease, if not Mania. In other words, this was HUGE. Orndorff jumps him early and we’re off to the races. Jess says the winner is the new champion. Does that mean the title is vacant? There are two officials here so keep that in mind as it’ll come into play later. Orndorff gets over the top but Hogan grabs him by the hair, allowing Jesse to get my favorite of his lines ever: Hogan would not be champion if Mr. Wonderful was bald. The delivery of it is just great.

Jesse is oddly hypocritical here by saying anything goes in a cage but then complaining about Hogan choking with a bandana. Vince keeps calling Hogan Champion Hogan. He’s done it at least 5 times in as many minutes. Danny Davis, the future evil referee, has the door locked for Hogan but unlocked for Orndorff. In a rather stupid moment, Hogan blocks a shot into the cage and rams Orndorff in, but Hogan winds up going in as well. Weird.

We get to the famous finish as both guys climb up on opposite sides and hit the floor at the seemingly same time where Davis names Orndorff as referee but Marella (Gorilla Monsoon’s son in some not that well known trivia) says it was Hogan. Jesse and Vince got at it over this. Fink says it’s a tie so we’re going to continue!

One key thing here is Orndorff is taking it to Hogan. He’s not a bit afraid of Hogan at all and isn’t your traditional challenger as he’s smaller than Hogan. One thing I’ve always wondered: why doesn’t Orndorff throw Hogan in and then just step back out and win the title? Davis is taken away thanks to Hogan hitting him earlier. Hogan Hulks Up and beats the living heck out of Wonderful, just completely destroying him for a long time before a leg drop (set up by a backbreaker of all things) lets him get out. He beats up Heenan for fun afterwards as a total jerk since Heenan wasn’t even facing him.

Rating: B. You need the context of this match to get why it’s so good. This was the final blowoff to this feud that went on for at least half a year. It was the undisputed top feud in the company and drew a TON of money. Also keep in mind that this was the first televised cage match ever on national TV. It was a PPV-level main event on free TV so how could it not be huge? However, it was only the appetizer as soon after this, Hogan would get a trophy for being world champion for three years. Andre would get a smaller one for being undefeated for fifteen years. The Frenchman wasn’t happy with it.

Replays show Hogan won the tie by about a tenth of a second. Jesse talks about their legs being straight or bent which makes no sense but whatever.

Savage is listed as the Intercontinental Champion of the World. Savage tells Liz to shut up and threatens to slap her. He was LIVID here.

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

Vince wanted Liz like no other. To be fair she does look great here. George again says he has a surprise and comes out with an action figure of himself. He gives it to Liz but Savage takes it and throws it down. Soon thereafter he’s flying through the air as Steele throws him all over the place. Savage comes back and sets for the elbow but some music hits and the roof gets blown off. RICKY FREAKING STEAMBOAT makes his return and stares down Savage. Macho loses his mind and no one can get Steamboat back. Steele gets the advantage as they finally get Ricky back to the locker room.

Steele kidnaps Liz and carries her away before he finally comes back. A buckle gets ripped open which was always a weird thing. Vince: “He’s only salivating on him.” It was a different time I guess. Steele bites his arm a bunch of times for some reason as Jesse asks why isn’t he being better fed. Savage gets hit by a foreign object but clocks Steele with the bell to retain. A post match beatdown is attempted but Steamboat comes down for the save.

Rating: D+. Match was a glorified comedy match but most of the encounters for these two were. The main thing here obviously is that it set up Savage vs. Steamboat in the legendary showdown at Mania III. Back in the day they built up shows from a far longer away time which made them feel more epic. That and Mania was the only PPV of the year so it really was the huge show to build up to.

Harley Race and Heenan talk about how everyone will bow. They even make Gene bow in a strange moment.

JYD says he won’t bow. I could go for some Breaking Benjamin now.

Junkyard Dog vs. Harley Race

JYD jumps him early but the evil referee is in there again. Belly to belly hits but Race drops a headbutt and hurts himself to let JYD take over. Race could bump like few others. It was just like an acrobat or something. Dog puts the crown and robe on so Heenan jumps him for the DQ. Heenan and Race beat him down afterwards and make him bow which doesn’t work at all.

Rating: D+. Nothing special here at all but since JYD is in there what did you really expect? This was again just a setup for Mania where they had a somewhat better match. I wasn’t wild on this one at all but I never liked the feud as a whole.

Heenan tells Paul he’s the world champion and he’ll get the tape to prove it. We see the video again and it’s still the same.

Adrian Adonis is back after Piper beat him up.

Piper says he has heart.

Roddy Piper vs. Adrian Adonis

Adonis is the Rico of this era so Piper of course can’t stand him. He gets hooked in the ropes and is having the tar beaten out of him. This is another really short match as Piper beats him up for a good while and they fight to the floor. Adonis blasts him with his perfume in the eyes and Piper gets counted out. The idea wasn’t to have a good match but to set up the real match at Mania again.

Rating: N/A. Nothing of note here as like I said this was just a setup for Piper’s retirement match at Mania which was a much more entertaining match which likely is because of it getting more than 3 minutes.

Hogan, in a swank Hulk jacket, says he isn’t worried about Heenan’s plan. His voice sounds awful here.

Blackjack Mulligan vs. Jimmy Jack Funk

Mulligan is the father of Barry Windham, father in law of IRS and grandfather of Husky Harris. This is the battle of Texas or something like that. Funk is in some Lone Ranger style mask and we have a female referee. There’s an inset interview with Mulligan where he blasts Funk and makes some stupid jokes. For you lucha libre fans, Funk is the older brother of Art Barr. A jumping back elbow wins for Mulligan.

Rating: N/A. Neither of these guys ever meant anything.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t about the wrestling other than the opener but it set the table for Mania in a big way as Adonis vs. Piper and Savage vs. Steamboat are now set. The opener is a famous match and worth seeing for the sake of history if nothing else. The rest of the show is weak wrestling-wise, but it was about storyline building and on that front it wins. Good enough show though and nothing horrible.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Backlash: In Your House #28
Date: April 25, 1999
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 10,939
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the final show and not a lot has changed. We’re getting a few Wrestlemania rematches here as Austin is defending against the Rock again while Mankind is facing Big Show in a boiler room brawl. Other than that we have the fully heel HHH facing X-Pac in a match for revenge. For once, the name of the show fits the theme perfectly. Let’s get to it.

Also on the card tonight, Undertaker faces Shamrock as we have the Ministry vs. what would become the Union. Also it’s HHH vs. X-Pac as Pac tries to get revenge on HHH for costing him the European Title and we all know how important that belt was. Let’s get going.

Standard intro and I use that term in every sense of the word. There’s nothing special about it at all. Shane is the referee for the main event tonight and it’s no holds barred. If Austin touches Shane he loses the title.

The Brood vs. The Ministry

Ministry is the Acolytes and Mideon. The Brood got thrown out of the Ministry after Christian was tortured into saying where Stephanie, who Taker had kidnapped, was located. It’s kind of amazing that 4/6 of these guys would one day be world champions. It’s your standard power vs. speed match as you still have three groups fighting with each other with the Corporation, the Ministry and Vince’s people.

The announcers try to make it seem that Shamrock can make Taker give up. That’s just flat out funny. Gangrel and Midieon just need to go away, and I mean FAR away. Edge and Christian vs. the APA could be a good tag match. They’re given over ten minutes to work with and it pays off as we get a solid six man tag match.

The Brood, who are the closest thing to faces we have in this match, start to take over here until Viscera comes out and screws everything up. Even when he’s not wrestling he makes matches worse which has got to be some kind of talent. Anyway JBL clotheslines Edge to win it.

Rating: B. I liked it for some reason. It was a great choice for an opener as it showcased the future talent very well. Edge and Christian just shine so brightly here that it’s unbelievable. Both guys were destined to be stars and you can see it in them. JBL was ok and Simmons is fine as always. The other two guys just flat out sucked in every sense of the word.

Hardcore Title: Al Snow vs. Hardcore Holly

This is your rematch from two months ago. This is going to be a short review as it’s as standard of a hardcore match as you’ll find for the most part. They hit each other with things that you’d find under any ring: chairs, tables, hockey sticks, stairs etc. They fight in the crowd for a bit then go back to the ring where more weapons are used for no apparent reason. Then we go to the back which is where the somewhat more entertaining stuff happens.

They beat on each other for awhile with Holly trying to use a kitchen sink on Snow in a joke that’s just not funny anymore and I don’t think it ever has been in the first place. Snow counters this with a fire hose. They brawl out into the parking lot and in a funny sequence they keep throwing each other into a car where the car alarm goes off each time. We fight to the production truck which is just weird looking. Elbow onto a car in a cool looking spot and we fight some more.

FINALLY we get some blood as Snow is opened up. Of course now we go back to the ring for more fighting. I was hoping for an intellectual discussion on 18th century Russian literature. Great looking table spot off of a top rope suplex. A shot from Head finally ends it.

Rating: B. I liked it again. This was a fun match with no one really being able to take advantage the whole time. It was all about big spots here and it was quite successful in that regard. Definitely a solid match here with Snow finally getting the title that he’d been chasing for months on end.

Taker talks about the higher power which was one of my favorite angels of all time.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Godfather

For no reason at all, Godfather was given the IC Title 6 days earlier. It’s considered to be his reign that likely killed off the title for good until Jericho, Benoit and Angle almost saved it. He has 8 women with him as we cater to the 13 year olds in the audience. This is a comedy match but not a particularly good one.

Meanie keeps interfering and Godfather keeps beating on him. The “raging climax” (rep for the person that gets that joke) is that the gold boy gets powder thrown in his eyes and can’t see who he’s beating on. Therefore Meanie has his dreams shattered. Goldust gets Pimp Dropped and pinned.

Rating: D. This was just a dumb period in the company as they were obviously booking on the fly with no real sense of direction other than in the main event. Seriously, GODFATHER as IC Champion? In what universe does that even begin to make sense? This was 5 minutes of nothing at all.

There’s talk of a primetime special on Thursday called Smackdown. More on that later.

Snow and Head are talking and apparently Head thinks he/she should be hardcore champion as head was covering Holly.

New Age Outlaws vs. Jeff Jarrett/Owen Hart

Owen would pass away less than a month later and that’s just a scary thought. Winner of this gets X-Pac and Kane on Smackdown. Now don’t have a bunch of heart attacks, but the commentators are talking ABOUT DEBRA!!! How in the world did we not see this coming? I mean really, Debra is NEVER the object of conversation when she’s out there. That simply can’t happen ever can it? I mean it’s not like she’s in lingerie with a coat over it or anything like that.

Other than the nonsense of her overly curvy looks that don’t even look good like that, this wrestling here is actually decent. The Outlaws as I’ve been saying for awhile aren’t that bad in the ring. Now they’re no Harts or Bulldogs, but they’re better than they’re given credit for being.

After about 10 minutes here, it breaks into a moderately decent brawl with your ending being a double submission from the heels. Jarrett can’t get the figure four on so Gunn lands a Fameasser on Owen for the pin. Oh and Road Dogg coined the phrase Puppies a few weeks before this if you were wondering.

Rating: C+. The wrestling here really was pretty solid all around. The commentating was absolutely annoying though. I mean it was driving me absolutely crazy. Seriously, WE GET IT. There are other women with good looks that you can see without the bra on. It’s called Playboy. Anyway, the match was pretty good and I get more and more impressed by Roadie every time I watch his matches. The guy just works hard every time.

Shane and Vince say they don’t like each other. A VERY young Steph says nothing of importance.

JR mentions that Shane doesn’t want Austin to leave with the title around his neck. That makes sense in some realm of logic I guess.

Boiler Room Brawl: Big Show vs. Mankind

Now here’s your REAL hardcore match. These guys nearly kill each other and this is perfect for someone like Foley. They fought at Mania and Show nearly killed him. Now we’re putting them in Foley’s environment where Show’s size and power can be negated by some good old fashioned weapons. They just absolutely kill each other in there but there’s one spot that I can’t believe even Foley did.

Show throws him through some glass and a large piece about 3 inches long and jagged is hanging over Foley’s head. That’s just absolutely dangerous no matter who you are. I know it wasn’t intentional because Show saw it and almost immediately pulled Foley away for stomping. The big issue with this match is simple though. The original with Taker and Foley was nearly half an hour. This one is less than 8 minutes.

That’s just killing this thing. Mankind launches some hot gas at Show to blind him then just beats the living tar out of him and leaves to win. Test and Bossman beat him down but Foley fights them off.

Rating: B. This was great in the time that it had. However, at 7 minutes and 40 seconds what can you really expect? It was brutal in the time that it had but it’s begging for about 5-10 more minutes. If you give it that, you’re looking at one of the better hardcore matches I’ve ever seen. Given what it has though, this was just above average which is a shame.

HHH says he’s going to kill X-Pac. Man I hope so.

HHH vs. X–Pac

This is the fallout from Mania where we had the at least triple turn that I don’t even remember because it was just absurd and one of Russo’s “masterpieces”. Anyway, the idea here is that Pac has a bad neck and somehow the Pedigree is going to further injure him which really makes limited sense at best. Anyway, the opening is Pac going insane on HHH and just trying to hurt him in any way he can.

This part is ok but nothing special really. What are you expecting here? X-Pac just doesn’t have a huge offensive set to work with so why should he be able to make something like that work well? HHH takes over and dominates most of the match which makes sense as he was by far the more established guy and worker at the time. He dominates the majority of the match while just never being able to put Pac away.

The match slows for a rest hold but in this case that is ok as it plays into some psychology. If X-Pac’s neck is hurt, cranking on it in a chinlock is going to hurt it even more. HHH even breaks out a Dragon Sleeper. Now what do the Japanese fans think? Is this some kind of a paradox for them or something? Anyway, after a huge comeback, X-Pac misses a baseball slide and wipes out the referee who apparently can’t take a punch to save his life as he’s down for almost 5 minutes from this.

Chyna beats up Pac but Kane comes out to save his partner and it’s chokeslams a go-go. He leaves and both Continent-girl (wearing a thong) and HHH get Bronco Busters. The referee comes back in just in time for the Pedigree and the pin to end this.

Rating: A-. This is without a doubt the best X-Pac match I have ever seen. These guys gave it everything they had out there and nearly killed each other. Kane made sense out there and in the end the right guy won which pushed HHH harder while at the same time making X-Pac look better than he ever would have been on his own.

That being said, he was working his head off in this match which is more than he usually did. Very good match which had me unsure of who was going to win until the very end.

Ken Shamrock vs. Undertaker

Basically just Ministry vs. non-Ministry here. Very Satanic looking Taker here which is always creepy. This is actually an interesting idea as we hear about the Ultimate Fighting and Octagon of Shamrock. They slug it out early on as Shamrock is in trouble early on.

The fans want Ryan and I can’t blame her as she’s gorgeous to put it mildly. The announcers talking about Vince and Stephanie and Taker is awesome as the payoff was coming soon. Shamrock goes back to his game and works the leg. This is rather an interesting pairing and I’m into the concept here.

Taker gets a belly to back for two. Out of nowhere Shamrock gets a leg bar and Taker is in big trouble. Basic formula here: Taker punches Shamrock, Shamrock gets a hold, Taker gets out and punches again. Repeat this about 19 times in a row. Taker gets his leg crushed on the steps and is in big trouble here.

They slug it out and Taker hooks a drop toehold for some ground and pound of all things. Fujiwara armbar and Taker has to go for the ropes. The fans are hardly thrilled here due to this being a far different style than they were expecting. Back to the floor (is that the anthem of the Attitude Era?) and Shamrock’s back eats post.

Taker hooks on a Bow and Arrow since he wants to play UFC here I guess. I love how Taker is supposed to suddenly be able to go out there and trade submissions with a legit submission master all of a sudden when he never has before. That some off as stupid to anyone else?

Leg drop with less elevation than Hogan hits but Shamrock grabs a leg lock and more booing. And of course Taker counters that into a leg lock of his own. Well of course he does. Shamrock gets his standing rana which looks good usually and did here as well. Ankle lock goes on for a second but Taker breaks free.

Ankle lock goes on again but Bradshaw comes down with a ball bat and pops Shamrock with it. Chokeslam is countered into an armbar in a SWEET counter. Shamrock goes for a tombstone and I think you know the rest.

Rating: C-. This is a very interesting match that you either loved or hated. If you like MMA and technical stuff this was great. If you like wrestling you hated this match. Shamrock did about 80% leg work here which was fine as his finisher is an ankle hold, but seeing Taker doing that stuff never really worked for me back in the day. It’s ok but just a weird dynamic of a match.

Bradshaw beats up Shamrock afterwards. Ross says the guys went over the edge. Hmm I wonder where that could lead.

Yep, next up we have a promo for Over the Edge which is of Taker talking about being the personification of evil. That’s got to be an in joke there.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Rock has stolen the Smoking Skull belt for no apparent reason other than reminding us he’s a heel despite playing to the crowd a lot. I don’t think anyone believed that Austin was losing here but it’s a lot like his first defense against Foley: it was designed to give the heel just a glimmer of hope but also make Austin look awesome. The build up to this match was just flat out awesome.

They beat the heck out of each other and the Smoking Skull belt was the big point of it. Austin had the title made for himself just because he felt like it and Vince stole it and gave it to the Rock a few months ago. This led to the feud here as Rock called Austin out to a bridge to get it back. Austin and the belt went into the river but Rock had it instead and was going to bury it. Austin used a monster truck on Rock’s car.

While it doesn’t sound like much, this was freaking SWEET at the time. They beat the living tar out of each other and the No Holds Barred rule makes it all the better. Before the match Vince says to Steph to wait in the car. Remember that for later.

The intros here take just two minutes less than forever as all three have their own entrances (remember Shane is the referee). There’s one big reason why this is better than last month’s match: there’s almost no pressure on them. It’s not Wrestlemania, it’s Backlash. Because of that, the limelight is off of them and they can go out there and have a lot more fun. This is also much more fast paced which is a good thing here.

It lets things work far better for them as Austin’s style is one where the rules are bent a lot more. They spend a lot of time, nearly 8-10 minutes brawling on the floor which is a nice addition to the formula. Part of the set is made of chain length fence so they’re fighting on that and trying to stand is kind of a cool visual. They destroy the set during their fight which is very cool. I mean they break just about everything in it.

They go back to the ring and Austin hits a sweet looking diving clothesline from the apron to the floor. Rock Bottom through the table for your big spot of the match which is odd as there were about 5 already. Rock does his commentary during the match which is a bit that I always laughed at. It’s so cocky but so funny at the same time. Back into the crowd for a bit but not long enough that it feels like overkill.

They go through some more tables before Shane accidentally drills Rock with the belt. He refuses to count the pin and flips off Austin. Vince comes out and hits Shane in the head with the title. It truly amazes me that we didn’t get Vince vs. Shane for almost two more years. Seriously, that would have been a huge match at the time. Vince is helping Austin here by bringing in a fair referee.

This was cool as it lays the groundwork for the Higher Power angle. Anyway, Stunner ends this and after a brief celebration we cut to Steph in the car. She’s wondering why they’re not moving. The privacy screen rolls down and Taker is the driver. He says “Where to Stephanie?” and I mark out like crazy as the soap opera era was here and I ate it up with a spoon. Very great stuff here as it was so intricate and well thought out that when we got the final reveal a few months later it blew my mind.

It got to the point where Vince turned out to be the one behind the Ministry and Vince and Shane were working together all along to prevent Steve Austin from being the World Champion. That’s just flat out amazing, or at least it was at the time. Corporation and Ministry would merge on Thursday with Rock turning face to help fight them alongside Austin, but that’s a history lesson for a different time.

Rating: A. This was a war and it made Rock look much stronger. It definitely blows away the Mania match from last month but I’d still put it just a hair behind the WM 17 match and the WM 19 match. That being said, this was great. Both guys were beating the heck out of each other and with the added rules it made things even sweeter. They fit better in these kinds of matches where it’s more of a fight. Great match here that’s just flat out intense.

Overall Rating: A-. This is probably the best three hour IYH there was so I guess they saved the best for last. The true peak of the AE is coming with the Higher Power and the real soap opera stuff coming soon. The next night was one of my all time favorite scenes with the Black Wedding of Stephanie and Taker and all the faces trying to make the save until Austin ran out to JR’s screams of “HERE HE COMES!!!”

Seeing Austin ride in as the cavalry to save the daughter of his most hated rival is just awesome, plain and simple. The new era was here and it wasn’t leaving anytime soon, but sadly enough Owen Hart would, passing away a month after this. He was in the IC Title hunt again and I think would have had a run with the world title had he hung around.

Look at 2000 and how desperate they were for main event talent with guys like Big Show and an unready Kurt Angle getting the belt. You don’t think Owen could have held it for a month or so and given you quality matches? I’d certainly think so but that’s a different story. Anyway, this is a good show with the worst match being the shortest. Highly recommended.

Thank you very much for all the debates and the thoughts put into these reviews. I love doing these but at the end they just get tiring. I’ll be taking a break from the series until August 2nd when Summerslam’s countup will begin. I’ll probably throw in some random ones here or there just to tide you over and MAYBE I’ll do KOTR in July, but I doubt it. Anyway, again I appreciate you support in this and I’ll be back in August.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Gee, who would have predicted THAT?

Monday Nitro #102
Date: August 25, 1997
Location: Carolina Coliseum, Columbia, South Carolina
Attendance: 8,048
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko

We’re past the Clash and the main change is that we have Sting vs. Hogan on the verge of being announced. Other than that we’re getting ready for Fall Brawl which is in like three weeks I think. The main event tonight is Savage vs. Luger as they renew an old rivalry. Other than that I wouldn’t expect anything big tonight. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the vulture stuff from Clash which is over the top but fits well for Sting at this point.

Here’s Gene in the ring to recap JJ’s offers to Sting. He calls out “Earic” Bischoff to address the possibility of Sting vs. Hogan. Bischoff says ultimatums can come back to bite you, which means the WCW ship has to sail without Sting. JJ is on the phone (seriously? They couldn’t get JJ Dillon to a show?) and says that Eric is jumping to conclusions.

Apparently WCW was flooded with letters from fans so Hogan vs. Sting will happen. Eric FREAKS and says it won’t happen because Hogan is too busy, but if the match happened, Hogan would destroy him. Cue Sting who puts Eric on his knees and puts a Hogan shirt down his throat. Sting smiles for the first time in a year.

Raven jabbers a bit.

The Nitro Girls dance.

Ernest Miller/Glacier vs. La Parka/Psychosis

Glacier vs. La Parka to start with Ice Man kicking him in the face. I’m as shocked as you are I assure you. Psychosis trips up Glacier but gets caught by a spin kick from La Parka in a bit of heel miscommunication. A powerslam puts La Parka down and Psychosis screws up again by hitting his partner by mistake. They’re even now I guess. Miller comes in and gets caught in some EVIL double teaming on the floor while being stretched over the railing. Back in and the masked guys screw up AGAIN with La Parka kicking Psychosis in the head. Everything breaks down and La Parka hits Glacier with a wooden chair for the upset pin.

Rating: D+. What in the world was the point of this? Go show that Glacier and Miller aren’t a good team? I think we established that about the day they started teaming together. Other than that, it’s nice to see a new team who has done well before getting a win, even though they look like the Three Stooges at the same time. Nothing to see here, as usual.

Silver King and Ultimo Dragon come in as the brawl continues post match. Dragon gets beaten down, leading to this.

Silver King vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon is in trouble from the beating by all three other luchadores before we get going here. He says he’s ready to go and it’s on. King already misses a charge but a following kick in the corner connects with Dragon to take him down. A top rope legdrop and moonsault get two for King and we hit the chinlock. Silver misses a top rope elbow but takes Dragon’s head off with a clothesline.

King chokes away a bit but jumps into a dropkick as Dragon makes his comeback. He pounds away on King in the corner and adds a Muta Handspring Elbow. A kind of rana is botched by Dragon and both guys are down. They try it again and Dragon gets much higher this time and hits the rana perfectly for two. King goes up and after bumping the cameraman twice, gets caught in the super rana and the Dragon Sleeper for the tap out.

Rating: C-. Not much here but at least they’re trying to give these guys a story. What that story is I’m not sure but at least they’re trying somehow. Other than that though, the botch on the rana wasn’t great and it really slowed the match down. Silver King is a much bigger deal in Mexico, but in WCW he never amounted to anything.

Here are Savage and Hall for a chat. Hall says you can’t have a party without the NWO and they’re the reason why everyone is here and watching on TV at home. Apparently DDP has joined the NWO even though Savage voted no. As for Luger, the slump will continue tonight when he takes the Big Elbow. Gene asks Page to come out and asks if the Diamond Cutter to Luger on Thursday was intentional or not. Page calls the question stupid and says he and Luger will settle their differences like men. Just advancing stories here.

Chris Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett

Benoit drills him three times in a row to start and ducks the enziguri attempt from Jeff. Jarret heads to the floor and is immediately caught by a baseball slide, so he hides behind Debra like a coward. Back in and Jarrett misses a charge in the corner but manages to avoid the Swan Dive. Jeff goes up top but Benoit pops up for a superplex, but Jarrett hooks Benoit’s legs once they hit the mat for a fast pin. Short but intense as you would imagine from a Benoit match.

The Nitro Girls dance some more.

Mortis/Wrath vs. Faces of Fear

Apparently this is a rematch from Saturday Night where the Faces of Fear lost. Wrath and Barbarian start things off with neither guy being able to keep an advantage. Vandenberg grabs Barbarian’s leg and Wrath kicks him down for two but Barbie pops right back up. A top rope lariat gets two more for Wrath but he misses a middle rope elbow. Off to Meng for a double middle rope headbutt for two more. Everything breaks down so let’s talk about WarGames.

There’s no Jimmy Hart out here with the Fear dudes for some reason. Things calm down a bit and Wrath charges into a Meng boot in the corner. Back to Barbarian who gets caught by a cross body of all things. Not hot tag brings in Mortis to fire off kicks but Meng goes into MONSTER MODE….which lasts about four seconds before Mortis kicks him down for two. Everything breaks down again and Mortis jumps into the Tongan Deathgrip to end this.

Rating: C. I’ll give them this: they’re giving these lower level guys some programs which while not great do in fact exist. So many people today have nothing of note to do and just wait for a story to come along. This isn’t much of a story for these guys but it’s something to do and a chance for them to show their skills a bit. That’s kind of nice to see and the matches aren’t horrible or anything.

Wrath and Meng fight some more post match.

BUY THIS STUFF!

Hour #2 begins.

Here are the Horsemen with something to say. Flair wants to know RIGHT NOW if Hennig is with them or against them. Curt comes out but he says he’s still not ready to give Flair an answer at this point. However, Flair was expecting this so here’s Arn Anderson to give a final sales pitch. Anderson talks about how he’s never been the biggest, the strongest, or the best at anything, but he’s parlayed that into a wrestling career. Then a few months ago he had to have neck surgery which left his left hand (he’s a southpaw) too weak to hold a glass or button a button.

Then a few days ago at the gym, he dropped a water bottle and saw the water falling out of it like the sand in the hourglass of his career. Therefore, he’d rather walk away than endanger the careers of men he respects. Every time he got in the ring, he gave you everything he had and that’s how he wants to be remembered. However he has one more challenge and that’s to Curt Hennig. He asks Hennig to be the new Enforcer of the Horsemen, which is Anderson’s spot on the team. Hennig says it would be a privilege and shakes Arn’s hand to join the team.

US Title: Steve McMichael vs. Eddie Guerrero

Mongo (the champion) gets jumped from behind to start with Eddie going after the knee. A snapmare puts the champ on the mat and Eddie stomps away before hitting a DDT out of the corner for two. A headscissors gets the same as Mongo is in trouble. Steve comes back with some basic power stuff including a slam and another slam and then a SPINNING slam. A charge misses in the corner and Eddie goes up, only to jump into a Tombstone for the pin to retain. Nothing to see here.

Here’s Rey to update us on his knee injury. He shouldn’t have wrestled at Road Wild which brings out Konnan to run his mouth. Trash is spoken but Giant comes out to scare Konnan off.

Bischoff comes out and runs off Heenan and Tenay, saying he and Tony are doing commentary for the rest of the show. Ok then.

Cruiserweight Title: Yuji Nagata vs. Chris Jericho

I never got the appeal of Nagata. I know he’s a big deal in Japan but his WCW stuff bored me to death. Technical stuff to start with Jericho being sent into the ropes where he misses a spinwheel kick. Yuji takes it to the mat and fires off a HARD kick to Jericho. You know, because he’s Japanese and Japanese wrestlers kick a lot. Jericho comes back with a dropkick and slam to set up a springboard splash for two. We hit a chinlock for a bit before Nagata is put in the Tree of Woe for some kicks.

We take a break and come back with Jericho getting dropped stomach first onto the ropes. We head to the floor where Jericho comes back with a cross body and it’s back inside. Yuji punches Jericho coming off the top to break up an ax handle shot. Jericho shrugs that off, hits the Lionsault, the WCW-rare double powerbomb and hooks the Liontamer for the tap out to retain.

Rating: D+. This didn’t work for the most part for me. Nagata is another guy who is just there with no real character or anything resembling one aside from “he’s a big deal in Japan.” Therefore, it’s hard to care about him and it’s hard to buy him as a legit threat to Jericho’s title. Not bad but nothing interesting at all here.

Harlem Heat wants to be #1 contenders but they have to get past the Steiners apparently. Ray talks about not having to go up north (to WWF) or to Japan because they’re the big tag team of WCW. The Steiners come out to say they deserve another title shot because of how the previous match ended. Vicious and Delicious come out to brag and a fight breaks out.

More dancing.

TV Title: Alex Wright vs. Dean Malenko

Alex is defending. Dean messes with him by using amateur stuff on him to start before taking him to the mat for two. The champ heads to the floor and comes back in with a strategy of punch Dean in the face over and over. Sometimes it’s the simplest ideas that work best I suppose. There’s an elbow drop but the champion stops to dance instead of covering.

There’s a backbreaker and Wright bends Dean over his knee for a little while. Wright’s piledriver attempt is blocked into a backdrop. Malenko loads up a superplex but gets shoved down. Instead Dean settles for a dropkick but Wright goes to the eyes to break up the Cloverleaf attempt. A pair of suplexes take Dean down but Dean counters into another Cloverleaf attempt, drawing Dean and Eddie out for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was just waiting around until we got to the ending. The matches tonight haven’t had much to them at all other than setting up stuff for the future. That’s ok for a bit but when that’s all that happens on the show it gets old. Dean needs Jarrett to go to the WWF already so he and Eddie can just do their thing without being dragged down.

Lex Luger vs. Randy Savage

Savage, an old Memphis man, stalls before we get going. Luger punches him into the ropes and gets pulled away by the referee, resulting in Savage getting in a punch to take over. Randy seems to be keeping things simple tonight with punches and a clothesline as we head to the floor. More basic attacking by Savage as he starts focusing on the ribs by sending Luger into the barricade.

Luger tries crawling around but gets kicked in the head. You can’t say Savage didn’t live up to his name. A double ax off the apron puts Luger down again, preventing him from getting back into the ring. Savage finally throws him back in and drops the top rope ax on him for two. A sleeper on Luger is quickly countered into a belly to back suplex and both guys are down.

Luger gets up first and starts his comeback with his complete assortment of non-Rack moves (punch, clothesline, atomic drop, forearm) before calling for the Rack. Hall of course runs in and rams the guys together by mistake. Page comes out and checks on Luger, resulting in Lex Racking him to end the show.

Rating: D+. This was again just there for the ending to play off the idea of Luger and Page having issues. Based on that, I’ll set the over/under for pleas for WCW to come together at 4 for the first hour of next week’s show alone. Savage and Luger fought forever in WCW so it’s kind of nice to see them rekindle that a bit here.

Overall Rating: D. This show just wasn’t very good. It was almost all angle advancement, but at the same time there weren’t any good matches to back it up. We’re heading into WarGames now and nothing is really set in stone yet. We can see most of the card though, and that’s the most important part. Anderson’s retirement speech is worth checking out, if nothing else to keep in mind for the parody that would follow.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

I saw a link to this and thought it was pretty cool.  Over the years, wrestling rules basically are altered to fit whatever story was going on.  This however is an official set of NWA wrestling rules circa 1974 from a souvenir sold in the Mid-Atlantic area.  It’s pretty cool stuff.

http://www.ddtdigest.com/features/prog1974/pictures/backib.jpg

I’d LOVE to see a WWF version of this just for the sake of comedy.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 2, 2012
Location: FedEx Forum, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re in Lawlerville tonight for the first WWE show of the year. There are two major things tonight: we see who the It Begins videos are for and we have a world title match in the form of Punk vs. Ziggler. With the ratings sagging, it might be interesting to see if the title changes hands tonight. Anyway, the road to the Rumble probably will get going tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the ending last week where the fans didn’t chant Cena Sucks, even though the video presents it as if they did. This is the most forced attempted heel turn ever.

Cena opens the show to of course a mixed reaction. He doesn’t look that upset. He wishes everyone a happy new year and it’s a split chant again. Cena talks about how the new year is time for resolutions and changes. He’s going to make some changes in 2012. First off, he’s going to start wearing less underwear (girl pop). As for the This is Your Life John Cena segment, his dad is now banned from WWE programing.

Finally, the last change is coming at Wrestlemania. After he beats Rock, he’s resolving to prove he’s lost his lady parts. The one thing that won’t change: he’s going to remain who he is and his convictions will remain true. Hustle, Loyalty and Respect don’t go away because someone throws fire at you. Every single one of the fans here has paid their money to be here tonight and if they want to cheer, boo, or shout whatever they want, that’s up to them and they’ve earned that right.

Cena’s disappointment is in Kane. Kane has an issue with Cena and Kane can’t settle it the way we do it here in the WWE. Kane pops up….or at least his voice does. He says Cena will eventually embrace the hate and tonight, he’ll witness the power of hate. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.

After a graphic about Punk vs. Ziggler, a video pops up saying the end begins tonight.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

Bryan gets NO reaction. Cena got a big reaction and Kane got a pop too, but this is pathetic. Cody shakes off some kicks to start and hooks onto the arm. Bryan fights back and hits the running knee off the apron to the floor. Back in the Beautiful Disaster gets two. Cody tries a release gordbuster and gets rolled up for the pin at 3:20. Where do I begin?

Rating: D. So the IC Champion who has a big match on Friday loses in 200 seconds. Could they be any more counter productive with this stuff? Does the name Jack Swagger or Drew McIntyre not ring a bell to anyone? I’m already in a bad mood tonight and this is just making it worse.

Video of Miz getting attacked last week.

Miz comes in to see Johnny Ace and Ace says he won’t do anything about it. Miz wants to know why he’s here tonight then. Ace shows him a video of Miz attacking Truth two months ago but Miz says he doesn’t know why Truth would attack him. Sheamus vs. Miz tonight. Ace says he’ll have some people watching for Truth tonight. Miz says he’ll be a sitting duck. He leaves and the camera watches him go. Truth pops up and does a duck dance. This also gets a bigger reaction than Bryan had.

Video on Duggan’s Rumble win.

Barrett comes out for a match but before the match we get a clip of the Orton injury moment. Barrett says he’d wish us a happy new year, but he really doesn’t care about his new year, or our old year for that matter. This has been a good year for him already due to a lack of Orton. Orton was just another victim of the Barrett Barrage. Santino comes out and reminds us that he lasted longer than Barrett did in last year’s Rumble. He makes train sounds so he’s funny, get it?

Wade Barrett vs. Santino Marella

Let’s get this over with. Barrett throws punches and Santino does the splits. Barrett stops and kicks him in the head which makes me smile. Santino tries to load up the Cobra and gets a kick to the face. His shoulder goes into the most and Winds of Change ends this at 1:18.

The Bellas argue in front of Miz and Miz asks if they’ve seen Truth. He walks off and Truth is still stalking him.

Sheamus vs. The Miz

Miz immediately jumps Sheamus with a DDT and pounds him down. I don’t think the bell rang yet. He gets Sheamus tied in the ropes but Sheamus kicks him off. There are the forearms in the ropes and I mean like 20 of them. They go to the floor and Miz runs into the crowd. Truth jumps on the PA and is in the crowd.

Guess who he ran into? LITTLE JIMMY! Little Jimmy doesn’t like Miz. Little Jimmy says Miz needs to get got. Miz runs back to ringside and right into a Brogue Kick. Truth pops him with the water bottle. There was never an official match I don’t think. Truth goes back into the crowd and says this week’s Miz Beatdown was brought to you by Little Jimmy where you’re going to get got.

We see how Ziggler “earned” his shot tonight.

Ziggler is showing off in the back and says he flaunts it better than anyone else does every night. He talks about debt and how it dominates things, but he’s a walking talent surplus. Everything he’s wanted he’s gotten except for the WWE Title. He wins tonight. Good stuff.

Ryder continues to hit on Eve because he’s the US Champion so he’s hitting on a woman. Swagger comes up and says he should be champion. They get into an argument and Ace pops up. There’s a six man elimination tag with Kane/Swagger/Kane vs. Cena/Ryder/Show.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. Dolph Ziggler

You know, because the world title needs to end the first hour, not the main event of the show. This gets big match intros. If they let this match go, it should be good. They go to the mat to start and neither guy can get much of an advantage. Backbreaker gets two for Punk. Punk takes over for awhile until Ziggler hits a hot shot to take over. Ziggler gets in a shot on the floor and we hit the chinlock and take a break.

Back with them slugging it out on their knees but Ziggler grabs the sleeper. Punk quickly escapes and hits a leg lariat to take over. Snap powerslam gets two. They trade rollups and Dolph hits a Fameasser for two. Stinger Splash and something like a reverse powerslam gets two. They go to a corner and the buckle gets pulled off. Knee in the corner and a bulldog get two for Punk.

He calls for the GTS but here comes Ace. He points out the exposed buckle as Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice. Ziggler is tapping but there’s no referee so Punk lets it go. Ziggler tries the Zig Zag but Punk moves and Ziggler collides with Ace. GTS is countered and Ace pulls the top rope down. The fastest count ever results in a LAME countout win for Ziggler at 13:09.

Rating: C+. It was good up until the really stupid ending. If Ace wants the title off Punk that badly, wouldn’t he know to throw him back inside? I think we know what the Rumble is going to be though and that’s fine. Anyway, good stuff here, until the ending. That’s about what you would expect for this match though.

Ziggler celebrates with the title and goes into the crowd. The video interrupts it and says He Is Here.

Another Rumble video, this one from 1995.

Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Kelly Kelly

Kelly vs. let’s say Brie to start and Kelly does her spanking and Stinkface to get on my nerves even more. Eve comes in and does her usual stuff. The moonsault is broken up and it’s Nikki in now. Top rope moonsault gets two and it’s Twin Magic for the pin on Eve at 2:04. Are we really back to this again?

Punk comes in to yell at Ace and Ace makes Punk vs. Ziggler with Ace as referee for the Rumble. Punk says if he gets screwed out of the title, Otunga is going to come in handy because Punk will be arrested for animal cruelty when he beats Ace like a female dog.

Here’s another video with very similar images. It says a familiar force shall arrive to claim what is his. She holds the beckoning of his rebirth. The focus seems to bemore on the girl in this. She has spoken. It is time. And it looks like an earthquake in the arena. And it’s…..a blackout. Big Y2J chant starts up and there are lights of a guy in Jericho’s pose on the stage. It’s Jericho. Blast it. Freaking blast it. All those weeks and it’s Jericho….again.

Jericho takes a lap around the ring, slaps the hands of the fans, goes into the ring, goes back outside and slaps more hands and does the pose where he leans against the crowd. It’s Y2J Jericho too. He keeps playing to the crowd but hasn’t said a word onto the mic yet. There’s something up here. He goes outside AGAIN and shouts at the crowd. Now he points to the side of the crowd he wants to cheer. I’m waiting on a heel promo here.

And he drops the mic and does it AGAIN. This has been going on for like 5 minutes now. Here’s lap #4 around the ring and the fans are getting tired. Up the ramp he goes to grab a camera. And now he’s leaving. Ok no he isn’t…..and yes he is. He’s on the stage and there are some boos now. And he leaves. Jerry isn’t sure what we just saw. Jericho never said a word into the mic and nothing at all other than COME ON BABY!

Big Show/Zack Ryder/John Cena vs. Kane/Mark Henry/Jack Swagger

Elimination rules here. And there’s no Kane. Instead Otunga comes out and says it’ll be a handicap match. Swagger and Cena start us off with Cena taking him to the mat and dropping an elbow for two. Dropkick gets the same. Swagger kicks him into the corner and we take a break. Back with a Vader Bomb getting two. Cena backdrops out of it and here’s Big Show. No eliminations yet.

Show beats Swagger up and it’s time for a battle of the giants. Henry gets knocked to the floor and Show goes after him. Henry grabs a chair but Show knocks it out of his hands and cracks him in the back with it to get us down to two on two. It’s a double elimination though so it’s now Ryder/Cena vs. Swagger. Ryder comes in for the first time that we’ve seen and hits the Broski Boot. Rough Ryder is countered into an awful powerbomb and the ankle lock. Ryder makes the tag to break the hold and Cena cleans a few rooms (I don’t think Swagger qualifies as a house). AA ends this at 8:22.

Rating: D. Uh…yeah whatever man. I don’t get the point of anything here other than the lack of Kane. Having him not come in here is a good thing as he needs to make a big return for his first match back. Not a terrible match but what was the point of this being like 8 minutes long? I don’t get it.

Ryder is down from the ankle lock and the fire goes off. Cena goes straight up the ramp to go after Kane when he pops up through the ring. He gets one shot on Ryder and knocks Cena off the apron. Cena get smothered down and is out. Kane goes back in and grabs Ryder’s bad ankle. He pulls him down into the hole with him ala Taker and Diesel. Or maybe he doesn’t as Cena pulls Ryder out before he goes under. A big explosion from the hole and a bunch of fire pops out to end the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The word of the night should be frustrating, because this show just failed to deliver on almost everything. Cody loses in three minutes, the world title match goes nowhere other than to set up another match, Brodus doesn’t debut still, Kane is a no show (which might be a good thing), Jericho does…..whatever (and yes I know it’s going somewhere else) and the main event was whatever it was. I don’t know what they were shooting for here, but I don’t think it was their foot like they hit.

Results
Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – Small Package
Wade Barrett b. Santino Marella – Winds of Change
Dolph Ziggler b. CM Punk via countout
Bella Twins b. Eve Torres/Kelly Kelly – Small package to Eve
Big Show/John Cena/Zack Ryder b. Jack Swagger/Kane/Mark Henry – Cena last eliminated Swagger to win

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Welcome to a new series called On This Day.  In kind of a challenge to myself, I’m going to post a review of a show that happened On This Day at some point in history every day for the entire year.  I’ll try to keep the Nitros and Raws to a minimum but I can guarantee they’ll pop up.  I’ll also try to have something with some historical significance in each show, but sometimes stuff can be difficult to find.  Also note that these shows may have been taped earlier, but for the sake of this we’ll be going by the air date (although I might change that later if I get desperate).  Let’s get to it.

WWF St. Louis
Date: January 1, 1984
Location: The Chase, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gene Okerlund

Now as some of you may know, WWF would have a lot more house shows back in the day. What they would do is film these shows in their major cities and have commentary for them, then air them on local television. They did this in New York and MSG for years. They would also split these up and air them on syndicated shows. This is one from St. Louis. This is about three weeks before Hogan won the world title so it’s an era we don’t really see. Let’s get to it.

The Chase is a legendary wrestling venue in St. Louis but is actually a hotel. The NWA ran shows there for years and WWF came in at the very end to do a few months worth of shows.

Vince and Gene run down the card.

Dennis Stamp/Jerry Valiant vs. Rocky Johnson/Tony Atlas

Johnson/Atlas are tag champions but this is non-title. Stamp vs. Rocky starts us off. Rocky is called The Rock and it’s off to Atlas. Atlas hits some bad dropkicks and we’re in squash city here. Off to Valiant who is more of a brawler. Not that it does him any good as he gets knocked backwards quickly by right hands. A flying headscissors by Johnson takes Valiant down and it’s back to Tony.

Off to a test of strength because Valiant is stupid enough to try that with him. Now Atlas uses a headscissors. Symmetry people! Valiant takes him down into a chinlock as this match is getting more time than I expected it to. Back to Johnson who gets double teamed in the corner as well. And never mind as Atlas comes in, gorilla presses Stamp and splashes him for the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a long squash here but that’s what a lot of TV back then was supposed to be. Johnson and Atlas are a team that the more I see of them the more I like of them. Atlas especially as he’d be a great guy to have around today with his look and power. Decent match here and a good way to showcase the champs.

Ken Jugan vs. David Schultz

Schultz is most famous for attacking a journalist who asked if wrestling was fake. He’s known as Dr. D. Schultz grabs a headlock to begin and rides him on the mat. Jugan hasn’t gotten in a single shot yet. Schultz pulls him up after an elbow drop and keeps beating on him. Out to the floor as the beating continues. A backbreaker gets two. This is getting boring now as it’s been going on way too long. Back to the floor again as there’s nothing to talk about in this. Schultz hits various offense and Jugan gets nothing in at all. Jugan gets in some very weak punches and then gets tombstoned (called a southern piledriver) for the pin.

Rating: D-. Like I said, there’s only so much you can get out of a guy getting destroyed for this long. One thing that’s kind of different: the announcer reads the time and even says what the finishing move was. Ok he didn’t here but he did in the first place. This ran over seven minutes so you can see how it gets a bit uninteresting.

Bill Dixon vs. Hulk Hogan

Oh my goodness! Now THIS is an historic moment. This right here is Hulk Hogan’s first match back in the WWF after being gone for about four years and becoming a superstar in Rocky III. He comes out to Eye of the Tiger and is way over. Hulk would jump into the world title scene in about two weeks, winning the title in about three weeks and holding if for four years.

Actually, this is being reviewed on the anniversary of his title win so that’s appropriate. Hogan takes him to the mat with a Fujiwara Armbar ala Del Rio. Dixon hammers away but Hulk comes back with a big boot, slam and the big leg (I’m assuming making its WWF debut) ends this. Total squash but the crowd reaction tells you everything you need to know here. This is history people.

The local network president welcomes WWF to St. Louis. It lasted about two months.

Hulk says he loves St. Louis and that he’s focused on an upcoming battle royal. He wants a world title shot. Bear in mind he’s 1-0 (by his own admission) and he’s just declared himself #1 contender.

Murdoch and Adonis say they want the tag titles. They would get them in about 4 months.

Johnson and Atlas come in and say St. Louis is their home away from home.

Big John Studd says he’s awesome. He has a new manager named Magaw Maginaw. No idea who that is but he looks like Luscious Johnny V.

Jimmy Jackson vs. Big John Studd

In the words of Rocky III, “my prediction? PAIN.” Jackson tries to slam him and that goes nowhere. Studd offers him a top wristlock which goes just as well. Over the shoulder backbreaker ends this quick. Another squash.

Bill Berger vs. Ivan Putski

Putski is a Polish dude that is short but incredibly muscular. See, he’s really strong. That’s about it. And he’s Polish. This is just Putski using his strength to break almost everything and throw Berger around. Eventually the Polish Hammer (double axe to the chest) ends this.

Rating: D-. No idea what there is to say here. Putski is a pretty boring guy and this was no exception. His shoulders are huge but he has little chicken legs. Nothing really to see here and these squashes are certainly a generational thing. You couldn’t get away with this if your life depended on it.

Terry Daniels/Kevin Collins vs. Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch

This is probably the main event. Adonis vs. Daniels gets us going. Really I don’t know what to say here. After like 6 squashes there’s only so much you can say. Daniels is sent to the floor and thoroughly pummeled. Back in and he gets beaten up even more. Collins comes in and gets beaten up as this is really boring. Adonis puts Collins to sleep to end this.

Rating: D. See any other match already tonight to get the idea here.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade. There were certainly a lot of big names on here and for a TV show that aired locally, there isn’t really a lot to complain about. For the masses, this wouldn’t have been much. Most of 1984 was pretty generic stuff, but once 85 got here things took off like a rocket. Not much here, but you have to keep some specifics in mind.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 31, 2012
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s the final show of the year, unless you count the other shows that were taped after this. For the second week in a row, we’ve got a show that probably shouldn’t happen but is anyway because WWE believes people want to sit around on New Year’s Eve and watch their pretty lame shows. We’re getting close to Rumble time but the first show of next year has the Rock and a title match so odds are we’ll hear about next week more than the PPV. Let’s get to it.

Here’s MizTV to open the show. Apparently tonight is a Championship Special, meaning all titles (minus the WWE Title I’m assuming) are on the line and the champions get to pick their opponents. Miz’s guest is Cena who tells us all happy holidays. Miz talks about Cena being on the show before when the AJ saga was going full scale. Tonight, Cena is going to be a guest at Ziggler and AJ’s champagne toast.

This brings out the Rhodes Scholars for no apparent reason with Damien quoting T. S. Elliot. Cena quotes RG3 (Redskins’ quarterback) and says the Scholars suck. Cena looks at Cody’s mustache and Sandow makes fun of the two of them going from main eventing Wrestlemania to being in the Scholars’ shadows. Cena wants a tag match RIGHT NOW and apparently he’s getting one. Cole: “Did you ever think you would see Miz and Cena on the same team?” You mean the former WWE Tag Team Champions Cole?

Rhodes Scholars vs. John Cena/The Miz

Cena and Cody start things off but a fast tag to Miz lets him come in with a top rope ax handle. Off to Sandow who is knocked to the floor almost immediately and we take a break. Back with Cena hitting a suplex on Sandow and hooking a chinlock. Off to Miz who fights out of the heel corner during a discussion of his mustache. Ten punches in the corner and a big left hand get two for Miz but Cody pounds him into the other corner to take over.

Damien hits the Wind-Up Elbow before it’s back to Cody for more chinlockery. Sandow comes back in and gets small packaged for two but he blocks the tag to Cena. Cody hooks a quick armbar before it’s back to Sandow for a knee drop. The match keeps going as Cody comes back in again for more really basic offense. Miz blocks a bulldog though and there’s the hot tag. It’s Sandow that gets to take the finishing sequence but Cody takes Cena down with the Disaster Kick. Cody walks into the Finale and Cena hits the AA on Sandow for the pin at 12:04.

Rating: C-. This got dull during the middle but you can’t say they’re not at least trying to make the fans accept Miz. Having him hang out with Cena is as good a way as you can make the people cheer him as there is in WWE, so why not try it? As usual though, Cole’s commentary made my head hurt.

There’s a New Year’s Party going on in the back of course. Ziggler runs into Vickie and gets a match with Sheamus as a result. I guess they’re done.

January 14 is the 20^th anniversary show so they can hopefully have a good rating.

The Prime Time Players dance in the back when Heyman and Punk come up to Vickie. Punk has brought his doctor to prove that his injury is indeed real. Vickie says that’s ok and asks Punk who he would have defended against tonight. Punk says Ryback of course, which leads to Ryback vs. the Shield in a handicap match after Punk whines about disrespect.

Here’s Cesaro to run down America. This brings out the only man you call when there’s someone anti-American and Jim Duggan is busy.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Sgt. Slaughter

Slaughter slaps him in the back to start but is promptly caught in a chinlock. A quick Cobra Clutch is countered by Antonio grabbing the rope and the Neutralizer ends this in 1:47. Were you expecting anything else?

Antonio hits another Neutralizer and there’s no Khali to make the save for some reason.

HELL NO is in the back pacing back and forth. They wanted to face the Shield tonight but now there’s no one to fight. All hail the great new tag division! Anyway they hear strange noises from behind a sliding door, and find 3MB singing. We’ve got opponents.

At the party Big Show asks Ricardo if he wants a title match tonight and apparently Show has picked him. Ricardo spills a drink on Show’s boot so Show scares Rodriguez a bit more.

Elsewhere, Kaitlyn brings Mae Young tot he party. Eve comes up and makes fun of her and picks Mae to face for the title shot. Oh joy.

Tag Titles: HELL NO vs. 3MB

It’s Slater/McIntyre here. We get a Nexus reunion to start with Daniel vs. Heath. Slater gets in a quick shot but walks into a surfboard and Kane. Didn’t Slater lose to Kane on the first season of NXT? Off to McIntyre as Cole talks about Auld Lang Syne. Back to Bryan who gets caught on the mat and stomped a bit before being low bridged to the floor. Mahal hits a running knee to the head and Bryan is in trouble.

Slater hooks a chinlock as Lawler makes band jokes. Bryan and Slater hit stereo cross bodies as Cole remembers there’s a tag title match going on. Hot tag brings in Kane for some slams and a leg drop (brother!). The side slam gets two on McIntyre and there’s the top rope clothesline. Slater is thrown to the floor and the chokeslam/Swan Dive retains the titles at 6:06.

Rating: C. Cole and Lawler sounded as bored as I’ve heard them sound in years out there. Can you really blame them though? We had two comedy teams against each other here, which is the problem with this show: why would the champions difficult opponents for themselves? Odds are we’ll see one title change hands tonight for fan service, which is better than nothing but it doesn’t make the rest of the show any easier to get through.

We recap the opening tag match.

Here are Punk, Heyman, and Punk’s doctor with something to say. Heyman talks about how Punk has been champion for 407 days which is rather impressive. Punk talks about everyone he’s beaten over the course of the last year and names them off as usual. Apparently people are questioning how real his knee is, with some even calling if felonious. Punk’s doctor, looking no more than about 24, with x-rays of what a good knee looks like compared to Punk’s knee. The doctor says that Punk can’t compete next week.

Cue Vince who has a different opinion I’m guessing. He suggests that Punk is trying to weasel his way out of the defense against Ryback and says next week that WWE physicians will look at Punk’s knee before next week. Vince thinks there’s something up between Punk and/or Maddox and the Shield. Punk is offended and denies an association with the four guys listed again. If Punk doesn’t go next week, Heyman takes his place.

Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler

Sweet Christmas how many times do we have to watch these two fight? Sheamus pounds him down to start and drops an elbow for two. Lawler makes jokes about AJ’s romantic issues over the year. Remember, this is JERRY LAWLER talking about someone’s relationship issues. Langston breaks up the ten forearms in the ropes and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler holding a quickly broken chinlock followed by the jumping DDT for two. The jumping elbow gets the same and Ziggler pounds away. We hit the chinlock again for a bit until Sheamus fights out. A powerslam puts Ziggler down and there’s a middle rope fallaway slam for a delayed two.

Sheamus goes up but gets crotched almost immediately, only to shove Ziggler down twice and hit the top rope shoulder for two. Dolph escapes the Cloverleaf but can’t escape White Noise for no cover. Langston breaks up the Brogue Kick but Shemaus sends Ziggler to the floor to escape the Zig Zag. Sheamus and Langston stare each other down and here’s the Shield for the DQ at 12:46.

Rating: C. To say I’m over this matchup would be the understatement of the year. For those two of you counting, this makes Sheamus 10-0 in singles matches and 18-1-1 in singles and regular tags against Dolph this year. Yet they wonder why Ziggler isn’t over in the main event scene. Anyway, the usual Ziggler vs. Sheamus match here with a screwy finish.

The Shield beats Sheamus down and hits the Triple Bomb on him.

Barrett comes up to Kofi in the back to set up their title match later tonight.

Brad Maddox asks Punk and Heyman for another shot. Heyman throws Maddox out. GO PAULIE GO!

Mae Young has a stomach ache and has to be examined. The doctor declares her pregnant. Mae: “Not again!”

Eve comes out to brag about how she would have defended against Mae tonight, and wants to be declared winner by forfeit. Oh wait she needs a photographer first. Instead she gets Kaitlyn. You know, BECAUSE THIS HASN’T HAPPENED ENOUGH YET. Kaitlyn charges the ring and beats Eve down and I don’t think there’s going to be a match. Ignore the referee in the ring I guess. Eve gets her belt and bails.

Alberto says he should get the shot instead of Ricardo. Rodriguez says he’ll win the title in Del Rio’s honor. Alberto apologizes for treating Ricardo badly over the years and says he’ll be there for Ricardo tonight. He also gives Rodriguez his scarf to make him look like a champion. Ricardo gets to drive Alberto’s car to the ring tonight too. See, THIS is the kind of stuff that makes people sympathize with Alberto more, unlike Miz who is the same guy he was before the turn. SHOW US how they’re different and we’ll buy it.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Ricardo Rodriguez

Ricardo is in his tuxedo here. He goes for a leg to start and then the pain begins. Show hits a big chop in the corner and shouts in a Spanish accent. He talks trash to Alberto, allowing Ricardo to get a boot up in the corner followed by a running enziguri in the corner. Show’s boot out of the corner is countered into a kind of Stunner onto the knee, but Ricardo jumps into a big chop out of the corner. Show loads up the WMD when Alberto runs in for the DQ at 2:27.

Alberto kicks Big Show down and leaves, before doing THE WINK. I missed that thing.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

Kofi is defending and fires off some kicks to start. As soon as the bell rang, the place went silent. Kofi does his leapfrogs into the back elbow into a dropkick for two. He rolls out of a top wristlock and tries Trouble in Paradise but Wade bails away. A clothesline puts both guys on the floor and we take our second break in less than five minutes. Back with Barrett in control via a boot to the face that is ONLY available from the WWE App. I know this because it was shown on Raw as Cole told us it was only available on the WWE App.

Barrett gets two off the pumphandle slam and fires away knees to the face. The boot in the ropes misses and Kofi kicks Wade to the floor. A springboard dive takes Barrett down and they head back in for Kofi to kind of botch a counter to the Boss Man Slam into a sunset flip for two. SOS gets two followed by Kofi’s punches in the corner being countered into a powerbomb for two on Kofi. The kick misses again and I think we have something cut out before the Wasteland gets two. Barrett runs Kofi over and kicks him in the head, but Kofi misses the springboard cross body. The Bull Hammer gives Barrett the title at 12:28.

Rating: C+. I was digging this match by the end even though the booking is annoying. Barrett winning the title is fine because Kofi is going to be stuck in the midcard area he’s in for years to come, which is fine. The match was solid enough and that’s what it needed to be, but I see absolutely no reason why this didn’t happen at TLC. All that match accomplished was making sure both guys have one clean win over the other, which is just stupid.

In the back, Mae is ready for delivery.

For some reason we recap last week’s Santa stuff. Nice job of enforcing that face push for Del Rio.

Santino and Zack show up to the party as Mae is about to deliver. HELL NO comes in and argue over whether or not this shouuld happen. Santino can see the baby coming. It’s Hornswoggle, complete with a hat, a banner saying Happy New Year, and a cigar. I have….nothing. My jaw is hanging open, I have no idea what I just saw, I don’t want to ever think about this again.

And now, here’s the Shield!

Ryback vs. The Shield

The brawl starts in the aisle before the bell and the beatdown begins until Sheamus runs down for the save. He gets beaten down as well until Randy Orton returns to make the real save. Good thing it wasn’t a long term injury. Methinks this is a six man for the Rumble. The non-Shield guys clear the ring. No match here.

It’s 10:45 and it’s time for the closing segment. Ziggler and AJ are in white and Langston is in his gear. Dolph complains about Cena winning Superstar of the Year and then Cena vs. Rock got Match of the Year, which Cena lost. Then the next night Lesnar returned and laid Cena out. Then Cena Lost to Johnny Ace. Then Cena lost his cash-in attempt. Then Ziggler beat Cena at TLC thanks to AJ.

Ziggler talks about how Cena is the same guy he was ten years ago (no he isn’t) and how it’s now Ziggler’s time. Cena is officially uninvited to the toast, so Langston is tasked with keeping Cena out of the ring. Ziggler and AJ kiss and here’s Cena. He says Ziggler is right and if you judge the year by how it goes out, 2012 was the year of Dolph and AJ.

Cena rips on AJ’s romance issues and we get the always “funny” fake photos of AJ and Ziggler shopping for wedding clothes and baby pictures. It’s a set of pictures of AJ’s children with various wrestlers’ faces superimposed, including Mr. Fuji, Eve, Matilda the Bulldog and Hillbilly Jim. Cena talks about how he’s been here ten years and had one bad year. Ziggler on the other hand has been here and has been a caddy then a cheerleader and now he carries around a briefcase. Cena enters the Rumble and promises to be champion next year.

John goes off on a rant about Ziggler and AJ wearing white and says that even though his uniform has never changed over the years (yeah it has), his message and resolve never have. Cena offers a toast to them to end the year…..and brown stuff that apparently smells bad falls from the ceiling onto Ziggler and AJ to end the show. Let’s see: superimposed images, Mae Young and human waste. It’s the WWE comedy triple pack!

Overall Rating: D+. Every good thing about last week’s show was absent tonight. There was no joy to this show at all and the “comedy” was excruciating. I mean, of all the things from the 90s to bring back, they pick Mae Young being pregnant? I get that it’s a one night thing but seriously, MAE YOUNG BEING PREGNANT IS WHAT YOU BRING BACK? The ending segment had its moments, but the “comedy” again brings it down. Next week has to be better than this one at least.

Results

John Cena/The Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – AA to Sandow

Antonio Cesaro b. Sgt. Slaughter – Neutralizer

HELL NO b. 3MB – Swan Dive to McIntyre

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when the Shield interfered

Big Show b. Ricardo Rodriguez via DQ when Alberto Del Rio interfered

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Bull Hammer

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews