Starrcade 2000
Date: December 17, 2000
Location: MCI Center, Washington D.C.
Attendance: 6,596
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden, Scott Hudson

 

It’s time for another of my thing of doing a string of shows in a row, in this case the final three WCW shows that I haven’t done at the end of their run: Starrcade 2000, Sin and Superbrawl Revenge. Anyway, the company is dead and buried with the WWF on the highest of highs and everyone knows it, even WCW. The main event this year is Sid vs. Scott Steiner. And this is supposed to be Wrestlemania to them. Right. Let’s get to it.

 

The opening video sets up the PPV and the feuds all have at least one old person in it.

 

Tony doesn’t care at all and you can tell it clearly.

 

3 Count vs. Jung Dragons vs. Knoble/Karagis

 

These six guys feuded FOREVER, opening Thunder literally about 35 times out of a year. This is a triple threat tag team ladder match, but the person that pulls down the contract gets a single Cruiserweight Title match against Chavo (absolutely awesome at this point) later on. This is on the Best of Starrcade DVD (awesome set for the most part). Knoble and Karagis were members of the Dragons and 3 Count respectively before they broke off to have a three way feud.

 

3 Count is Shane Helms and Shannon Moore, the Dragons are Kaz Hayashi (you probably don’t remember him) and Jimmy Yang (called Yang here) and Knoble/Karagis are Jamie Knoble and Evan Karagis (you probably shouldn’t remember him either). Shannon and Kaz start us off. They’re actually making them tag here in a ladder match. I give up. Things speed up and Shannon tries to get a ladder which fails due to Evan.

 

They finally go after the ladders with 3 Count staying behind and getting one in the ring on their own first. Smart idea if I do type so myself. The Dragons run in for the save as we see the issue here: since one person can win, neither can run interference. As you would expect they drop the tagging almost immediately and the big war starts. I’m not even going to try to call the stuff here as it’s moving way too fast.

 

The title shot is tomorrow apparently. Karagis goes up but his partner makes the save. Yang drills them both and sets a ladder in the corner. Shannon takes a corkscrew moonsault off the second rope from Yang. Kaz takes Shane out as we hit the everyone hits a bunch of big dives and one guy (Knoble) is smart enough to just go up the ladder. Yang gets up and shoves the ladder over.

 

Tony actually tries to explain the slow climbs once you get to the top, in this case because you lose your balance at the top. Makes sense actually. They set a latter in the middle of the ring and put another one in between the rungs and make it a platform between the ladder in the ring and the middle rope. A bunch of people go up and come down, culminating with Helms getting a neckbreaker on Knoble.

 

There’s now a pair of ladders in the ring and the race is on. Yang, 3 Count and Knoble all go up so Shane gets a sunset bomb to Knoble, leaving Yang and Shannon up there. And there they go as well. Knoble goes up but the Dragon’s dominatrix manager Leia Meow makes the save. A third ladder comes in and make that a fourth as there’s one on the mat.

 

The Dragons take over and they use the four ladders to make a pretty solid scaffold. 3 Count takes them down and Kaz is sent flying into the ladder used as the bridge in the scaffold. 3 Count goes up but Knoble and Karagis makes the save. Knoble and Kaz go up to the bridge but Evan knocks Kaz off. Now it’s Yang vs. Helms on the bridge but Shannon does something similar to skinning the cat to pop up there and get Yang down. Knoble gets tossed and 3 Count grabs the contract at the same time so it would be a triple threat the next night.

 

Rating: A-. Awesome match here. It’s not as good as the TLC matches but then again the talent here wasn’t as solid. However this is well worth seeing and I’d bet it’s the match of the year for WCW already. Here’s where you can tell the difference between WCW and WWF though. This is about 3 and a half months before TLC 2 at Mania X7. That’s the match where Edge hit the spear on Jeff Hardy.

 

Later that year, Edge was the King of the Ring and got the Intercontinental Title where he feuded with Christian. Jeff got it even earlier, winning it in May. In other words, half of the six guys in that match won a singles midcard title within 8 months of that match. I think Matt got the European Title in there somewhere also. In other words, they put their bodies on the line (this is being written the day after Edge announced his retirement so in his case it’s almost literally) and gave us a great match. And for that, they were rewarded.

 

Do you think any of these guys did anything but mess around in the Cruiserweight division until WCW died? Of course that’s all they did. And why shouldn’t they? All they’re doing is having the best matches of the night every show and getting the crowd into them. But they’re not stars, so they can’t be anywhere near a push because then the fans might get entertained by them, and WCW could NEVER let that happen, and that’s why WCW isn’t around today.

 

Lance Storm comes up to the reluctant Canadian Jim Duggan (just go with it). Basically Duggan was going to get fired unless he joined Team Canada so they turned him heel but he missed America and couldn’t rejoin it or something.

 

Jeff Jarrett talks to Mike Sanders and doesn’t want a street fight. He wants a bunkhouse match. They agree to have both. They’re the same thing anyway so who cares.

 

Kronik agrees to do something for payment afterwards which is against their policy. They’re in a steam bath and towels for no apparent reason.

 

Lance Storm vs. The Cat

 

Cat kept getting pushes and I have no idea why. He has Ms. Jones with him who is rather attractive and Storm has Major Gunns who is rather appealing. Storm runs down America, blasting them for taking over a month to get through the elections and pointing out that the man with more votes didn’t win. Yep that’s the logic here in America. Never got that but who cares about logic right?

 

Cat wants his music for some dancing. After a few seconds it starts as we’re told that Cat cost Storm the US Title at Mayhem. We get a USA chant from the patriotic/xenophobic crowd. Storm hits the floor to try to kill them off a bit as we wonder where Hacksaw is. They shove each other a lot to start and Cat gyrates a bit. They fight over a wristlock and Cat fires off some kicks.

 

Gunns distracts Cat and Storm gets a shot in. Catfight is teased but the guys break it up. The girls get in the ring and the men break it up again to a chorus of booing. Storm hammers away with very basic offense. He sets for a suplex but gets reversed when he talks too much. Off to a chinlock as this has been rather boring so far. Cat fires back with nothing but strikes because it’s all he knows how to do.

 

Prime Time Elix Skipper drills Cat to take over so Cat beats him up in return. This is rather dull. Storm sends him into the railing so Ms. Jones tries to kick him. Storm ducks and the referee gets his head kicked off in a SICK shot. Dropkick to the back of Jones by Gunns as everyone is down. Storm gets his gorgeous springboard missile dropkick but the referee is delayed. Big kick by Cat gets two as does a Northern Lights suplex from Storm. Here’s Duggan to a big face reaction. He gives Cat a terribly weak shot (intentional) to the back and Storm gets his half crab to win. Whatever.

 

Rating: D. This was terribly boring. I never got the appeal of this feud at all and I don’t think anyone else did either. Cat was terribly boring the entire time that he got a midcard push but that never stopped him anyway. Weak match, bad ending, but you had two hot women….who never fought. Brilliant guys.

 

Team Canada beats Duggan down post match and Cat makes the save. He’s taking this “you hit me and cost me the match 30 seconds ago” quite well.

 

Mike Awesome gets here in an ambulance.

 

Buff Bagwell is the new interviewer and talks to the Filthy Animals. Apparently there won’t be a bunkhouse brawl and a street fight but rather one at the same time. They look like idiots and Konnan tries to sound cool. He fails.

 

Reno and Big Vito are coming to the ring when the Natural Born Thrillers say Reno can come back anytime.

 

Hardcore Title: Crowbar vs. Terry Funk

 

Crowbar is champion and loves the 70s here. Oh dear. Isn’t there already a 70s guy named Mike Awesome? They fight in the back to start as Funk jumps him. A shot into a truck gets two. Funk has been gone for months and everyone is shocked that he appears and has a title shot. I love jokes like that which poke fun at the company without meaning to. All Funk so far as Daffney screams a lot.

 

Crowbar gets a shot in with something that was apparently the grill of a car for two. They’re in the back of a big truck here. Crowbar hammers away to knock him out of the truck but can’t do it. Funk gets a hip toss to send him through a table and Funk chases Daffney away. Low blow puts Funk down and he keeps getting up. Yes, we get it: he can get hit and keep standing up.

 

A door gets slammed on Funk’s head and it’s handcuff time. Another low blow gets Funk out of it and he slams the same door on Crowbar’s head. You can see the video screen over their shoulders which is a weird visual since it’s backwards. Crowbar gets handcuffed and Funk hammers him with a chair. Hmm where have I see this before? They fight into the arena with a car door, although Crowbar is still handcuffed.

 

More chair shots follow and Funk sets up a table at ringside. Funk sets for an Asai Moonsault but Daffney pulls Crowbar off the table. Crowbar manages a chair shot despite being handcuffed which is somewhat impressive. He chokes Funk with the cuffs and gets a pescado through Funk through the table. Since Funk gets up first, Daffney hits Funk with a chair for two. Funk gets some more chair shots and a Piledriver onto the door for the title.

 

Rating: D. Yes, Terry Funk, a mere 56 years old here, is a champion in WCW. This is what they thought was the best move for WCW which blows my mind again and again. Honestly, who thought Terry Funk was a good draw at this point? Isn’t that what a champion is supposed to be? This company never got it and never would, which is why they died.

 

Team Canada blasts Duggan and Gunns messes up her one line. Gene says she can fly that Canadian flag on another pole.

 

Lex Luger, a top heel at this point, is getting ready for Goldberg.

 

Big Vito/Reno vs. Kronik

 

Well we get the very hot Marie here. Kronik is taking pay from someone to take the Italians out. Kronik was the APA ripoff that never went anywhere because everyone knew it was an APA ripoff. They imply Marie is the one paying them and she says it’s not her as the brawl starts. The Italians do their usual stuff which gets them beaten down even more. Clark vs. Vito at the moment with Clark in control.

 

Vito gets a “Mafia Kick” to take Clark down. That’s an insult to Chono. Adams wants the money from Marie now and Vito beats him up for it. When I say beats up I mean glares at Adams while Clark gets up so he can hit a flip at him. Marie still has no idea what Adams is talking about. This is a mess. Reno tries to make a save but gets stopped so it’s Adams vs. Vito at the moment.

 

Clothesline gets two for Vito but won’t tag. Note that Reno hasn’t been in yet and I think we all know what that means. Reno makes a save and I have a feeling that’s all he’s going to do during this match. Clark gets a belly to back and hits the chinlock. The Natural Born Thrillers, led by Commissioner Mike Sanders, come out to watch. Vito tries to fight both of them off and that fails as much as his future crossdressing gimmick.

 

He and Clark collide in a double crossbody and it’s finally the tag to Reno. Say it with me: Reno turns on Vito, hitting Roll the Dice (Cross Rhodes) to end it. Oh and Reno pins Vito for no apparent reason and Reno reveals himself as the financial backer before rejoining the Thrillers. Kronik beats Vito down post match.

 

Rating: D+. And most of that is for Marie looking good. This was a boring match with a boring and predictable feud. The Italians never went anywhere but they kept doing it anyway because they had no other ideas and the theory of cutting people was totally foreign to them so this is what you get.

 

3 Count says they’re the #1 contenders and to be fair it was a tag match so technically they both won. Chavo beats them down, saying they didn’t work hard enough.

 

MIA says they’re not splitting up. Rection (Bill DeMott) says this is about the US Title, which he holds at the moment.

 

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mike Awesome

 

This is an ambulance match. Awesome is also a 70s guy because two of the same gimmick in one company is fine. Thankfully he takes the 70s clothes off and has his regular gear on underneath. We get a Lawrence Taylor reference because we’ve gone over an hour without making a WWF reference. They stay in the ring for maybe 9 seconds and hit the floor. Weapons are used all over the place with Awesome in control.

 

Bigelow gets a cup of something and throws it at Awesome to take over. They fight up to the ambulance as this is pretty dull so far. It’s not a bad match but it’s nothing we haven’t seen a dozen times this year already. Awesome says he’s putting Bigelow in but gets the door slammed on him for his trouble. Window gets busted out by Bigelow missing a right hand.

 

They leave the ambulance place and head back towards the ring because they’re not that smart. The fans chant for Goldberg out of boredom. They fight to the announce table and it’s the same kind of brawl as you would expect here. It’s the same thing we’ve seen time and time again and it’s not interesting anymore. They put a table in front of the ring and Awesome, the guy that set it up, goes through it via a backdrop.

 

We head over to the ambulance again with Bigelow in firm control. You know I hadn’t realized it but both of the people in this are dead and one in the previous match was as well. That’s always rather disturbing. Bigelow rips the lights off the top of the ambulance and Awesome knocks him through the roof of the ambulance. And no one cares.

 

Rating: D. The match wasn’t terrible but at the same time Mike Awesome was a waste of talent here as he was thrown into matches with old guys for hardcore matches again and again and no one cared. Dude, he’s a freaking MONSTER and he’s doing this. And people wonder why WCW went out of business. And yes I know I’ve said that a lot but it’s so obvious that the company is screwing up left and right.

 

Reno says his family is the Thrillers. Sanders isn’t worried about the tag title match later. They say they have a gift for Gene later.

 

US Title: Shane Douglas vs. General Rection

 

Shane has been feuding with the MIA for no apparent reason. Rection is the champion here. Torrie, Shane’s valet, isn’t here tonight and Shane blames Rection. Shane jumps Rection and we’re off and jogging. They chop it out in the corner and we hear about the US Title being the #1 contender belt. I wonder how often that actually happened as I can remember only a handful of times.

 

Out to the floor with Rection badly missing kicks to the head but Shane selling them anyway. To the announce table for about the 5^th time tonight. We head back in and Shane pulls the ropes up to crotch the General and take over. Rection says HIT ME so Shane walks into a bearhug. Madden talks about the MIA (Misfits in Action) all leaving Rection at this point.

 

The fans chant boring and I can’t argue all that hard. Morrus’ answer? More bearhug. Shane breaks up an attempt at the moonsault and hits a swinging neckbreaker. We go to the floor after a Shane beatdown to see Morrus pick him up and ram him into….something and Shane is busted open. Allegedly the back of Shane’s head hit the post and it hit it so hard it busted open the wrong side of his head.

 

The moonsault misses again and Douglas pulls the chain out of his tights. You could call either the real thing or the joke a foreign object I guess. Morrus knocks it out of his hand and here’s former MIA member Chavo. Chavo gets the chain and throws it to Shane, then shows the referee that Shane has the weapon.

 

Rating: D. Again, THIS WAS DULL. That’s been the problem with the whole show other than the opener. None of these matches make me think this is the biggest show of the year. They make me think this is a glorified Nitro and that I want to get to the next match because it means we’re that much closer to the end of the show. Absolutely terrible so far and this was another boring and not very good match.

 

Big beatdown by Shane on both guys follows until the other two Misfits come out for the save. Each checks on one guy and it seems we have a split. Yeah I don’t care either.

 

Scott Steiner says he’s going to win and implies sex with multiple women.

 

Glacier is coming again and the announcers make fun of the whole idea.

 

The Insiders, DDP and Nash, have a title shot tonight and are with Bagwell here. They make fun of being old and that they make a ton of money.

 

Jeff Jarrett/Harris Brothers vs. Filthy Animals

 

The Animals are Kidman, Konnan and the unmasked Rey. This is a bunkhouse (meaning street fight) street fight. There are a bunch of weapons around the ring such as a popcorn machine, a bar (as in NORM!) and a shopping cart full of aluminum cans. At least we get Tygress gyrating. She’s on commentary here also. Naturally this is a total brawl with all kinds of weapons everywhere.

 

Rey and Kidman have a Harris in the ring and that’s done in seconds as that Harris goes into the popcorn maker. The Animals are in control here and the Bronco Buster goes all around. Well except for on Jarrett who gets his foot up and kicks Rey in the balls, much to Tygress’ sadness. Jarrett tries to superplex Kidman onto the bar but instead it’s something like a double spinebuster with Kidman and Rey putting Jarrett through the bar for two.

 

Double bulldog onto a Harris onto a sign onto a trashcan. Getting what we’re up against here? Rey gets a Boom Drop while sitting on a street sign off the middle rope. Apparently this feud started over Rey vs. Jarrett. Rey gets powerbombed into a dumpster via the master of Slapnuts. Everyone beats on Kidman and now, 8 minutes into the match, we start tagging. I give up.

 

Double big boot by the Harrisses mostly misses Kidman. Jarrett gets a sweet dropkick for no cover on Billy. Off to a sleeper now as Konnan checks to make sure that Rey is still alive. Kidman reverses as Tony talks about drinks, sandwiches and laxatives. It was a different time. There’s the balmy 70 degree tag to Konnan who beats up various people until he walks into the H Bomb.

 

This is the Nashville World Order. Just stop guys. Just stop. Table comes in as Madden wonders why there are so many tables under the ring which is a fair question. Rey gets out of the dumpster with a broom and the announcers talk about a clean sweep. Jarrett gets put on the table, only for Rey to dive over him and get dropped through it himself. Kidman fights Jarrett a bit and hits the Kid Crusher. He goes for the Shooting Star though and gets drilled with a beer bottle. Stroke ends him soon thereafter.

 

Rating: C-. This was better than you would think actually. They hammered on each other and until the stupid tagging part came in, this was a pretty fun brawl. The problem is that this was what….the fourth brawl out of six or seven matches? The overkill caught up with them here and it made the match that would have been good seem a bit weaker by comparison.

 

Sarge, the guy that trained Goldberg, says he wished he would fight Luger later. Luger jumps him and leaves him laying. Good for him as Sarge is said to be one of the biggest jerks in wrestling history, including saying that Batista had no future in wrestling and treating him like nothing.

 

The announcers talk about Goldberg’s second streak and how Luger can’t beat him on his own so he has to use stuff like this. Yes, make Goldberg madder. That’ll make the match easier no?

 

We recap the Insiders vs. the Thrillers. The idea is that the old guys beat them already at Mayhem but Sanders stripped them because he could.

 

Tag Titles: Insiders vs. Perfect Event

 

DDP/Nash vs. Stasiak/Palumbo if you’re luckily not familiar. Before the match, Flair, the boss with spiky hair here, says that if Sanders moves towards the ring then the Insiders get the titles. Flair making a token appearance at Starrcade is ok with me. Sanders yells at the commentators here and says something about cupcakes. We hear the “Page is 45, looks 35 and wrestles 25” line. Palumbo vs. Nash to start with Nash of course plowing through him.

 

Palumbo gets a clothesline to put him down but misses the elbow. Nash tags as I continue to wonder how Page fell so far in like a year. I think it was the haircut actually. Off to Stasiak who gets chopped not that hard. Stasiak’s balls get attached to the pole which is how they’re designed to be I think. Page gets a belly to belly for two. Diamond Cutter doesn’t work so he settles for a Rock Bottom (called a chokeslam which is close enough) for two. He sets for the Diamond Cutter again but has to turn around to look for Palumbo to break it up. Jungle (Super) kick puts Page down and the champions take over.

 

Chuck gets an overhead belly to belly and stops a Page comeback so he can send in Stasiak. Ok never mind as it’s back to Palumbo seconds later. DDP fights out of the corner and does the falling into Stasiak’s crotch spot ala Sting. If you didn’t get the idea the first time around, Page fights out of the corner again, this time with a discus lariat. Both guys go down again until we finally get the tag to Nash.

 

Nash cleans house and Pages takes a low blow. The double team move by the champions gets two and Stasiak takes a Cutter on the floor. Belt shot gets two for Palumbo and the other Thrillers get beaten down with relative ease by Page. Big boot and Jackknife to Palumbo give the Insiders the titles.

 

Rating: C-. Very standard tag match here which was fine although I do wonder why they did the title change the previous month in more or less the same match. Oh that’s right: it gives Nash and Page two title changes instead of one. The Diamond Cutter still gets a good reaction which is the sign of a good finisher. Anyway, basic match here and possibly the second best match of the night, which is a bad sign.

 

We recap Goldberg vs. Luger. The idea is that Goldberg has to get to 177-0, breaking his old streak, to get another world title shot. Luger beat up Goldberg’s trainer to set this up.

 

Lex Luger vs. Goldberg

 

This is a rematch from Mayhem. Goldberg is on a 30 match winning streak here. Luger just fell apart after about 1998. Goldberg jumps him before the bell rings and we’re on the floor early. Luger tries to run go Bill beats on him even more in the aisle. This is a total domination. Luger finally shoves him into the post to break the momentum a bit. This is no holds barred apparently, meaning we have ANOTHER no DQ match.

 

Bagwell and Sarge come out and you can smell the SHOCKING yes SHOCKING I SAY heel turn coming a mile away. Also a little over 11 years ago in the past but maybe that’s implied. Goldberg gets a big shoulder and sets for the spear. Luger pulls the referee in front like last month but Goldberg pulls up in time. Sarge goes down and Luger gets a shot with brass knuckles for two. Bagwell sets for a Blockbuster which he of course hits Goldberg with, continuing his bromance with Luger. Buff drills Sarge on the floor as the Rack gets blocked. Spear and Jackhammer end Luger.

 

Rating: D+. Big brawl here which again, WE SAW IT EARLIER. The heel turn went nowhere of course other than setting up the tag match next month where Goldberg lost, never to be seen in WCW again. It’s another stupid turn for the sake of a stupid turn but that’s WCW for you. Not much of a match but it could have been worse.

 

Buff pops Goldberg with a chair and leaves with Luger. Yes, a chair from Buff Bagwell put Goldberg down. I’m done.

 

Goldberg picks up some fan that said he wanted to meet Goldberg. That’s always cool to see.

 

We recap Sid vs. Steiner. Sid was the big surprising return and no one, I mean no one, cared.

 

WCW World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Steiner

 

We hear about various title matches at Starrcade. None of them are anywhere nearly as weak as this one……not even…..hang on a second…….not even Flair vs…….bear with me here……Flair vs. Garvin. Man that was hard to write. Midajah is gorgeous other than her face. Sid is in long tights which I never remember seeing him in. Steiner chops away so Sid pounds him down.

 

This is going to be one of those matches where they have to shoot each other to get the other to sell right? Steiner wants a test of strength and Steiner dominates it with ease. Sid breaks it up and gets a leg drop for two. They head to the floor and Midajah hits him with the pipe. Chair to the side of the head as I’m assuming this is no DQ also.

 

Back in the ring and Scott dominates. The horribly weak looking chinlock goes on but Sid reaches him arm over maybe a good 8 inches to get the rope for the break. It goes back on in the middle of the ring but Sid just stands up. Midajah hits a cross body to Steiner by mistake and Sid adds a chokeslam for two.

 

Cobra clutch by Sid but Steiner pops the referee. Pipe to the back of Sid as this is breaking down by the second. Another referee is here and it gets two. Jarrett comes down as apparently this is our big surprise for the show. The guitar shot hits Scott though for two as Jeff pulls the referee out. In a cool sight, Jarrett swings at thto e referee but Robinson (referee) ducks, slides in, and counts two again. Powerbomb is blocked by a low blow and a few seconds later Sid passes out in the Recliner to keep the title on Steiner.

 

Rating: D-. To the shock of no one, this was a mess. Jarrett and Steiner are apparently the big heel alliance now and no one cares. Of course Steiner, allegedly a nightmare backstage at this point, continues his Superman push. The match ran like 10 minutes. From Race vs. Flair….to this. Let that sink in for a bit. Steiner holding up the belt with one of the side plates falling off is a sad sight indeed.

 

Overall Rating: D. I’ve seen worse shows, but the problem here is that other than the ladder match, absolutely nothing here feels like it belongs on a major PPV. I mean really, the ladder match is worth seeing (although it’s got nothing on the first TLC matches or the triangle ladder match but still) but other than that, I’m not going to remember a thing on this show in about two hours.

 

They managed to make Starrcade, once the biggest show in the world, into nothing more than a run of the mill show. This was a great example of why the company died. There was no reason for the main event to happen, no one wanted to see it, the people in it were never going anywhere, there were ten matches and you could argue six of them were weapons/hardcore based matches and there was one match worth watching with the people in it never getting a push. This my friends is WCW and that is why it died. Off to Sin.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #98
Date: July 28, 1997
Location: Charleston Civic Center, Charleston, West Virginia
Attendance: 9,575
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone

Back on Monday here as we’re getting closer and closer to Road Wild. Hopefully we can continue the roll they’re on that started last week. The main stories going are on what side is Hennig on and Luger vs. Hogan, both of which should wind up being interesting ideas. Other than that there are some decent stories going on and I’m enjoying this show more lately. Let’s get to it.

The Nitro Girls do their thing.

Curt Hennig/Ric Flair vs. Vicious and Delicious

Hennig (POP) starts with Norton. Scott elbows Hennig down almost immediately and chops him to the floor. We head inside for Hennig’s arm work to go nowhere, so here’s Flair. Nice job of making your new guy look inept there WCW. Norton runs Flair over and hits a big shoulder block to take him down again. Off to Bagwell but his posing lets Hennig get in a shot to the back of Buff’s head to slow things down. Buff pounds on Flair in the corner so Flair chops him down.

Bagwell misses a dropkick and it’s Figure Four time. Hennig and Norton get in a fight and Flair lets the hold go for no apparent reason. We take a break and come back with Norton choking Flair in the corner. Flair pounds back at Norton but double teaming puts him down again. Norton and Bagwell double team Flair for a bit but Bagwell gets chopped down, allowing the hot tag to Hennig. House is cleaned and Syxx goes after Flair. Flair pulls Norton. to the floor and the PerfectPlex pins Bagwell.

Rating: C-. Really basic match here which was designed to put Hennig over. It did a better job at putting Norton over but at least they were trying. Hennig would be the biggest story in the company for the next few weeks, and unlike Jarrett a few months before, Hennig would actually be OVER by the end of it. See what talent and charisma can get you? Jarrett had talent but it wasn’t the right character for him at all.

Here’s Luger for a chat. By chat I mean strip session to show off how ripped he is. Luger talks about how ready he is for Hogan. However, he mentions a clause in Hogan’s contract that says Hogan has to defend his title every so often, so next week it’s Hogan vs. Luger for the title.

TV Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Ultimo Dragon

Dragon is defending and runs the Prince over to start. The headstand in the corner mesmerizes another opponent and the champ puts on a reverse chinlock. The wide section of empty chairs that were full during the first match is a telling sign about the interest in this match. Then again, the people in the match could probably tell you the same thing. Dragon loads up the super rana but Prince superplexes him down instead. We get a pinfall reversal sequence before Iaukea dropkicks the champ down for no cover. A superkick gets two and Iaukea blocks the Dragon Sleeper. The second attempt works though and Prince taps.

Rating: D+. Dragon was good but man alive Iaukea wasn’t interesting at all. The problem with the TV Title is that it went on guys the fans were given no reason to care about. Dragon is indeed very talented and can put on entertaining matches, but his matches aren’t great enough to make people overlook his lack of personality. That’s the problem with a lot of the luchadores and other guys in WCW and there was no way around it.

Here’s Flair who says that Hennig is officially the newest Horseman. Here’s Hennig who says he’s not a Horseman but Flair says Hennig is just laying low.

Texas Hangmen vs. Steve McMichael/Chris Benoit

The Hangmen are Mean Mike and Tough Tom. They’re masked guys who I have seen in Memphis wrestling before. Benoit starts with let’s say Tom and gets hit by Mike in the back to give Tom the advantage. Off to Mongo who runs over both Hangmen and powerslams Mike down. Some clotheslines do the same thing and we’ve got a phone call for Tony from the Outsiders. Hall tells Tony he better accepts the charges. Tony: “Well if it’s 1-800 Collect I will.”

They were a sponsor at the time, making that somewhere between clever and eye roll inducing. The match gets ignored as the Hangmen take over on Mongo. Steve comes back with a bulldog and there’s the tag to Benoit. The call finally ends as everything breaks down. Mongo can barely tombstone Mike but it sets up the Crossface by Benoit for the win.

Rating: D. Phone call aside, this wasn’t very good. The Hangmen were jobbers and that’s fine, but the Horsemen looked to have a lot of trouble with them which they shouldn’t have had. Not a good match or anything and it didn’t showcase the Horsemen. The phone call didn’t help anything either, especially since it didn’t accomplish anything and it only said the Outsiders would be on the show next week.

Cruiserweight Title: Chris Jericho vs. Alex Wright

Jericho is defending here. The opening part of the match is ignored for the sake of house show ads as Wright slaps Jericho in the corner. They fight for arm control with the champion taking Alex to the mat. Those big stretches of empty seats in the crowd are kind of distracting. A spinwheel kick puts Wright down and out to the floor, causing the match to come to a halt.

Jericho dives onto Wright but gets suplexed down to change momentum. Wright stomps Jericho down in the corner but misses a top rope knee drop. The Lionsault hits Wright’s back but Jericho doesn’t cover. Wright goes to the apron and gets put in a sleeper by Jericho who is in the ring. Alex guillotines him down and hits a German suplex for the clean pin and the title.

Rating: C. This was an interesting match as you had Wright losing most of the first few matches after his turn before winning the title completely clean here. The fact that it was a clean pin helps, but I’m not exactly sure what the point was in jobbing him out the last few weeks to give him the belt here. Still though, not bad.

Here are Jarrett, Malenko and Debra with something to say. Dean says he’s in with Jarrett and Debra is shaking hands with Wright as he walks up the ramp. Apparently Jarrett was seen with Eddie Guerrero on Saturday Night and Dean isn’t cool with that. Jeff says people just want to be with winners. Debra runs her mouth of course. Thank goodness Jeff and Debra would leave in just a few months.

Hour #2 begins and the pyro is back.

Syxx vs. Diamond Dallas Page

They slug it out to start until Page busts out a pumphandle backbreaker for two. That’s a new move for him I believe. A neckbreaker puts Syxx down as well, followed by an elbow to put him on the floor. Syxx comes back with some kicks in the corner and there’s the Bronco Buster. Vincent comes out but Page avoids the Buzzkill. He hits the Cutter on Syxx but the Vincent distraction lets Hennig come in and blast Page with something in the back of the head. Syxx gets the easy pin.

Rating: D+. This didn’t have the time to get anywhere but the match was more about an angle than the wrestling. Page was on such a roll at this point that seeing him lose was actually a shocking sight. Today, you see people losing almost all the time, which makes wins and losses mean very little.

Tony: “CLEARLY CURT HENNIG IS PART OF THE NWO!” Very clearly indeed.

Dean Malenko vs. Hector Guerrero

This should be good. They head to the mat to start with both guys fighting for arm control. Dean takes Hector down with a snap mare as we hear about a Bobby Heenan personal appearance in Milwaukee. He says he’s the human being that made Milwaukee famous, which should get a chuckle out of old school fans. Off to a headscissors on the mat by Malenko but Hector escapes into a modified STF. They trade rollups out of the corner followed by a sunset flip for two for Guerrero. Here are Jarrett and Debra as Dean puts the Cloverleaf on for the tap out.

Rating: C-. Technically fine but this Jarrett stuff is really dull. Allegedly he’s trying to form his own team to fight the Horsemen, but at the end of the day it’s Jeff Jarrett leading the charge. That makes it pretty hard to get interested in the team at all, especially with Debra getting to talk about them every week. Nothing special to see here.

Chavo Guerrero comes out to check on his uncle and gets beaten up as well.

Konnan speaks Spanish and says he doesn’t like Rey. Apparently Rey is filling an Affirmative Action quota. Of Americans? Konnan vs. La Parka later.

Lee Marshall is in Detroit.

Giant comes out for his match but Savage is in the crowd with something to say to him. They’ve got a match at Road Wild. Giant says what Savage is about to see is just a preview.

Giant vs. Great Muta

The bell rings and here’s Eric Bischoff to commentary. Thankfully during his full entrance and the walk to the desk, nothing happened in the ring. Muta fires off some fast kicks but gets caught in the corner and chopped a lot. Giant pounds away in the corner so Muta bails to the floor. Back in and Muta goes to the eyes before firing off some dropkicks. Some more shots to the knees take Giant down and there’s the Muta Elbow. Giant shoves him off of a cover and shrugs off some top rope shots. He grabs Muta by the throat and after covering his eyes from the Mist, the chokeslam gets the pin.

Rating: D+. What did you expect from this match? There are only a handful of ways to fight Giant and going after the knee is the mos common answer. The covering of the eyes is one of those things that seems to be common sense but no one ever does. Muta is a really talented guy but he was basically a jobber in the NWO. Much like the rest of the show, nothing of note to see here.

Post match Larry Z comes to the announcers’ desk and grabs Bischoff. He drags Eric to the ring for a chokeslam to a good pop.

Konnan vs. La Parka

Konnan immediately beats him down and hits his rolling clothesline. La Parka dropkicks him out of the air and hits a legdrop for two. Tony of course is gushing about the chokeslam. La Parka gets a chair with Konnan’s name on it but Konnan dropkicks it into his face. 187 and Tequila Sunrise end La Parka. Quick match.

Psychosis comes out for the save post match.

The announcers talk about the world title match next week and we get a phone call from JJ Dillon. Apparently he and the executive committee want Sting back in the ring by September.

Randy Savage vs. Scott Steiner

Savage slaps him in the face to start before shoving referee Randy Anderson into Scott to take him down. Steiner comes back with a gorilla press slam to send Savage to the floor. Savage throws a chair into the ring and we take a break. Back with Steiner hitting a belly to belly suplex, sending Savage to the floor. Just like old times, Randy hides behind Liz and sends Scott knees first into the steps.

They fight into the crowd with Scott in trouble. Back to ringside and Steiner is rammed into the barricade to keep Randy in control. We head back inside and Scott catches Savage off the top in another belly to belly. Rick and Liz get in an argument, allowing Steiner to backdrop Savage over the top and out to the floor, which should be a DQ. Now Steiner throws Savage into the crowd, possibly injuring Randy’s shoulder.

Back to ringside and they brawl a bit more with Scott maintaining control. Steiner gets two on a small package followed by a butterfly powerbomb for no cover. A Super Frankensteiner puts Savage down but Liz throws in her shoe. Cue the Outsiders for the SHOCKING, yes SHOCKING I SAY, run-in DQ.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad but it was mainly brawling. Scott didn’t know how to wrestle a main event style match at this point but his singles push was coming. Granted it was years before it actually worked but they were trying at least. The ending was obvious because the announcers were so sure that the Outsiders weren’t there that they had to be there. As usual, not much to see here.

Post match the Outsiders beat down the Steiners until Giant makes the save. He calls out Nash but Nash hides behind security. The security steps aside and says go get him….but we’re out of time. Well we could see Nash get in, but we need to see Giant chokeslam Bischoff one more time to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The show wasn’t terrible but this felt like a big commercial for next week’s show which in theory is a commercial for the PPV the following Saturday. On top of that, considering there’s a world title match the next week, there wasn’t a lot of focus on it. It seems more like Giant vs. Savage is the world title match when you look at how much hype they got. The matches here were nothing special either.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

December to Dismember
Date: December 3, 2006
Location: James Brown Arena, Augusta, Georgia
Attendance: 4,800
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

So this is more or less considered the standard for worst WWE PPV of all time. There are quite a few reasons for that and I’d say it’s likely true. Number one is Vince McMahon. Heyman was told to run this show and he put together a run sheet and the endings to matches etc.

Since Big Show had made it clear that he was leaving the company as soon as his contract was up two days after the show, the title change was clearly coming. Heyman’s original idea was Punk and Show start the Chamber match and Punk gets Show to tap out inside of four minutes. Punk liked it, Heyman liked it, Show LOVED it, the writers liked it, Vince hated it.

Vince insisted on Lashley getting the belt and a massive celebration ending the show. Heyman said allegedly three or four times that this was going to bomb. It did indeed bomb and guess what happened. Yep, Vince blamed Heyman for the whole thing and Paul quit/was thrown out. The second issue here is that we had seen Survivor Series SEVEN DAYS EARLIER.

Yeah, this is our second PPV in two weeks, so of course the buyrate was through the floor. That was of course Heyman’s fault too. Finally, this was called an ECW show. The problem was it was more or less a really long episode of the TV show with a bit main event. This wasn’t like the TV show now either. This was back when the show was awful and more or less held together with tape and gum every week. Let’s get this over with.

Of course the opening video is all about the Chamber. Oh, it’s an EXTREME Elimination Chamber as the four in pods will all have weapons. Give me a break.

Joey says this show might be infamous. That’s just amusing. He follows this by freaking up and saying there will be a new champion tonight. Thanks for the spoiler Joey.

MNM vs. Hardys

This was an open challenge that was accepted by MNM. Who cares that neither was on ECW at the time? This was one of two matches announced for the show. What does that tell you? MNM beat up the Hardys on Tuesday and that’s all there is to it. Jeff is IC Champion here by the way. Matt and Mercury start us off.

The Hardys are dominating and throw in a spin cycle which is always a cool move. It’s like a double suplex but they spin the other guy around. It’s hard to explain. And now we get the weird part of this: ECW chants by fans that actually think this is a real ECW show. They start a she’s a crack w**** chant at Melina and no one knows how to react to it.

Matt hits splash mountain on Nitro (Morrison) for two. Apparently Melina has herpes. This show really was doomed from the start on this. I didn’t know Scott Armstrong was refereeing this far back. Tazz isn’t helping things either with his idiotic commentary. To be fair though, he could be far more annoying, like that scream from Melina.

Tazz throws in that Cole doesn’t like women. If true, I’m not entirely surprised. In a funny bit, MNM go for the Twist of Fate and Swanton but Matt fights off and gets the hot tag to Jeff. Matt hits a Pescado on Mercury which is more or less caught and reversed to set up the big pile of aerial moves which never gets old.

Jeff misses the Swanton as Mercury pulls Nitro out. This has been pretty good so far. Tazz gets off on the screaming I think. Morrison looks weird with blonde hair. It’s MNM in control now as they beat up Jeff. Yeah Tazz is driving me crazy. Melina is a crack w**** again apparently. It amazes me that she was more or less just the sexy valet at this point and became a great worker (by comparison) in just a few years.

They’re being given a lot of time if nothing else as we’re about 15 minutes into this and there seems to be a good amount of time to go in it. Is Tazz supposed to be Jerry Lawler or something? If he is he’s somehow more annoying than Jerry if that’s possible. Jeff gets a Whisper in the Wind out of nowhere to set up the tag to Matt.

In a cool spot, Jeff is tagged back in and goes up. Matt tries to set Mercury up for a powerbomb by handing him to Jeff but Nitro makes the save and then shoves Mercury up to Jeff so he can hit a hurricanrana. That was freaking cool. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina and Jeff rolls him up for a LONG two.

Jeff takes the Snapshot but Matt makes the save. This is awesome stuff now. MNM sets for a top rope Snapshot but Matt saves with a double cutter to let Jeff hit a Swanton onto both of them for the pin. By the way, the Snapshot is Nitro holding up the other guy and Mercury hitting an elevated DDT.

Rating: B+. This was very good stuff as they were given a lot of time and it worked very well. This was a way to let MNM look good, even though at the end of the day they weren’t even the best tag team that Morrison was even a part of. Either way this was good stuff and it worked very well. Definitely good, but the show would go all downhill from here.

Van Dam says he’ll win the title tonight.

Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

See what I mean about them not advertising anything? I think you can see why based on this one alone. They had been feuding back in the day and no one cared so let’s have people pay to see the “blowoff” to it. They kept saying that Striker was a former teacher that had to resign but it was never explained why: he got in trouble for going to wrestle at night.

The match tonight is under Striker’s Rules, meaning very strict. There is no eye gouging, no hair pulling, no top rope moves, and no foul language. I didn’t know that Bill Watts booked ECW. Balls comes out to a bad cover of Big Balls. They make jokes about Striker having a picture of himself on his tights.

If there has ever been a match that belonged on TV, this is it. It’s ok, but it’s certainly not worth paying anything for. After even more boring stuff, this time mainly arm work from Balls, he hits the Nutcracker Sweet, of course not called that here, to get the win.

Rating: D. Not only was it boring, but this was something people had to pay to see without it being mentioned or advertised. Other than the opener and the main event, that’s the case all around tonight actually. You’re starting to get the idea why this show is considered awful.

Punk is getting ready.

Sabu is hurt and Hardcore Holly is replacing him in the main event. The fans, knowing what’s going on, loudly chant bull at this.

Sylvester Terkay/Elijah Burke vs. F.B.I.

This FBI is Guido and Tony Mamaluke. Burke is the Pope from TNA, and yet, he’s still overrated and more or less worthless. “But KB, he can talk so well!” Well that would bet true if it wasn’t nonsenes. He’s talking now and he’s annoying me already. Now in TNA he’s a modern day Slick and just as annoying.

The only good thing about the FBI is they have Trinity and she looks very good. Yep, that’s all I’m going to care about here. Terkay is more or less an MMA guy that wrestled. Apparently Tazz needs a cold shower. Can we please get to the end of this show PLEASE? We have a very weak where’s my pizza chant as I feel so sorry for the live fans.

This was a massive slap in the face of all of ECW and its fans, but hey, Vince gets to feel like he killed the place and his delusions of grandeur are fulfilled for one more day right? All is right with the world now. More or less this is a way for Terkay to beat people up. It’s more or less a squash.

Actually screw that: it is a squash. Naturally the ECW guys get their heads handed to them on an ECW show so that the WWE guys can look great. Oh and after the match, Terkay uses a Muscle Buster to get a big TNA chant going. Ok so not big but whatever. Just move on please.

Rating: D-. Screw you Vince. This was just freaking dumb. I get that you hate ECW but if you’re going to rip off the audience like this, screw you.

Sabu is put in an ambulance.

We get an ad for Raw, on an ECW show. This is freaking garbage.

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Daivari is more commonly known as Sheik Abdul Bashir recently and here he’s known as the manager of the Great Khali. I wonder what’s going to happen here. Dreamer jobbing would be ok I guess. Those poor fans actually think Dreamer has a chance in this. Khali is thrown out. And now no one else cares. It’s Dreamer vs. a tiny guy that never does anything else.

Dreamer gets some of his big spots in to get the crowd going a bit, but naturally as he goes for the DDT, Daivari just rolls him up with the tights for the pin. I hate this show more and more every time. Of course Khali comes out and chokeslams him on the ramp. Tazz is legit tick off as you can tell.

Rating: W. That stands for who possible cares anymore. I’m not even an ECW fan and I’m even an ECW critic and this is ticking me off. Tell me one reason why Daivari should have gone over like that here. If you’re going to have Khali destroy him, fine, but have that be the reason to end the match. This is just mindless.

Dreamer takes forever to get up as we’re an hour and 15 minutes into this and we have two matches left, one of which is a mixed tag.

Ad for See No Evil, which is of course, a WWE thing and not an ECW thing.

I actually took a break at this point to watch a bad Disney Channel movie. That’s how annoyed I am with this show.

Heyman gives Hardcore Holly the spot in the main event. The fans pause and then know what’s coming, as Holly gets the spot. I actually can’t understand Holly’s first line as the fans are booing so loudly. This was a freaking atrocity and it’s pathetic that it has to be. The fans are just freaking dead now.

Ariel/Kevin Thorn vs. Kelly/Mike Knox

Kelly dated Knox apparently. Kelly at this point is an exhibitionist and AWFUL. I mean she’s ridiculously bad so we get Knox and Thorn. Knox has no beard at this point and is somehow more worthless than he was before. Oh dang it they’re letting him talk. Oh good Kelly is talking instead. She likes Punk, who gets a chant. That chant didn’t happen though. No one likes Punk. What people want is HARDCORE HOLLY AND TEST!!!

Thorn is a vampire and Ariel is a fortune telling gypsy or something. She would become Salinas in TNA in case you’re more familiar with them. This is a freaking disgrace. I’m glad no one bought it as it makes things seem a bit better. No one cares about this either as since both girls can’t wrestle we more or less have a Knox vs. Thorn match.

And here they are. At least Kelly looks hot. Kelly tries to get the tag to Knox but he leaves. Note: the fans chant for Punk to come make the save. To make sure it’s clear: Punk is OVER. Sandman makes the save instead which gets a nice pop.

Rating: D-. Kelly looking hot is the only reason this passes. I just want to get to the end of this.

We get a long ad for Armageddon, which was the third PPV in four weeks. WWE was so stupid at this point that I can’t comprehend it.

Some RIDICULOUSLY hot chick named Rebecca interviews Lashley. She can’t talk but she doesn’t need to. It’s mainly about how Lashley has had to put up with a ton of garbage, more or less confirming that he’ll win tonight, which only Vince wanted to see.

Three of the people in the chamber come to the ring together. We get the same exact video as the one that opened the show. Oh man they knew they had jack. We’re about an hour and a half into the show at this point mind you.

Heyman comes out and talks while saying nothing at all. This is nothing more than trying desperately to fill in time.

ECW World Title: CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Test vs. Hardcore Holly vs Big Show vs. Rob Van Dam

Now keep in mind, Punk and Lashley were more or less worthless at this point, so the only two legit main event guys you have in there are RVD who was hated by the company at this point and Show who didn’t care as he was leaving in 48 hours. RVD and Holly start. Remember that as soon as each pod opens up, the person comes out with a weapon which I’ll get to as each pod opens.

Holly is booed out of the building. Naturally Vince will insist that it’s because of how great a heel he is or whatever. So we have to watch Holly and Van Dam for five minutes. Oh joy. The entrances took almost ten minutes mind you. The fans are dead here by the way. We get Rolling Thunder on the cage, which is impressive but we’ve seen it before.

They’ve managed to make the Elimination Chamber boring. That’s just impressive. Note: another Punk chant goes up. I can’t emphasize this enough: PUNK IS OVER. In third is Punk and his chair to a freaking ERUPTION. It’s a shame that he didn’t have a chance to win here. And Van Dam kicks the chair into him so he’s down 30 seconds in.

Ok to be fair, they’re the two most over guys in there so that’s ok I guess. Van Dam is bleeding. Apparently you can get pins outside on the cage now. That’s new I think. Heyman is the evil GM here in case you didn’t know. Punk is getting destroyed by Holly here in case you weren’t sure.

Also Punk would have his first loss in the company to Holly in about a month with the justification being that Holly was the bigger star and should go over. Again: if it’s not Vince’s idea, it’s not a good idea. In fourth is Test with a crowbar. Naturally he nails Punk with it. This is freaking stupid. Test and Hardcore Holly are in the MAIN EVENT OF A PAY PER VIEW.

The idea here is that the heels are all working together which is completely pointless considering the idea of the match but that can’t be Vince’s idea. Heyman “booked” this remember? And then Van Dam hits this Five Star and Punk is gone. Yep, the most over guy in the match is out first while Test and Holly get to stick around.

Test puts Holly out ten seconds later with a big boot. It was only a two but the referee calls it three. The announcers and fans are confused but since this show isn’t for the fans it doesn’t matter. Van Dam goes up on top of Big Show’s pod but a chair shot puts him down. Test hits a big elbow off the pod…and Van Dam is out. Let’s see. Why is this stupid? Number one, the most over guy left is Big Show.

Second, now THERE’S NO ONE FOR TEST TO FIGHT, so it’s just dead time now. Third, you had FREAKING TEST beat RVD. We’re still just sitting around after two replays of the elbow and just waiting on ANYTHING to happen. The fans have completely turned on the match at this point and don’t care at all. Thankfully the next guy in is Lashley.

He gets NO pop at all. Heyman’s security try to hold him in the pod, but using the WOODEN table in the pod with him, he breaks the STEEL chains on top of the pod. ARE YOU CENSORED KIDDING ME??? The table is still in the pod mind you so it’s not like it’s even being used. They keep ramming Test into the Plexiglas to set up Lashley vs. Show.

Yeah, that’s what this whole thing is supposed to end with: the massive showdown between Show and a heavily muscled guy. I know I’ve said it before, but Vince has to have repressed homosexual desires towards musclemen. I mean really, is there any doubt of it at this point? The fans HATE this mind you.

A spear puts Test out with a minute and a half left until Show comes out. In other words, we have nothing to do but wait for the time to run out. You might as well quit reading now as you know exactly what’s coming. Show comes in with his barbed wire ball bat and naturally he gets in no offense as it’s ALL Lashley here.

He avoids the chokeslam and they slug it out. Lashley is terrible in the ring at this point mind you, so this is even more torture. And he wins it with a spear. The main event is over two hours and five minutes into the show.

Rating: D-. This was just completely ridiculous for reasons I’ve already gone into. For another thing, SABU, the guy that has somehow made a whole career out of doing stupid stunts in a ring, is left out here in favor of Holly. Are you freaking KIDDING? This was just so dumb and nothing more than Vince deciding that he’s smarter than the fans once again.

And that’s it. No seriously, the show which cost 40 dollars started at 8pm and was over at 10:05pm, the last 4 minutes being the celebration by Lashley. Do I even need to insult this?

Overall Rating: I. For incomplete. Where’s the last 45 minutes of this? I know WWE cuts their shows early, but this was inexcusable. Not only does it end 40 minutes early, but there were two matches allegedly worth seeing and the Hardys vs. MNM was the only good thing of it at all. This wasn’t a PPV. It was Vince making sure that ECW died the way he wanted it to.

If Vince would listen once all night, he could have heard the fans BEGGING for this to be Punk but the rookie muscle guy gets it instead. Heyman was of course blamed for the whole thing because while he wrote the show, it was his third one or so and the only reason he went with it was because Vince wouldn’t accept anything.

Like I said, the initial idea was Punk puts Show out in about three minutes and we end with Van Dam, Punk and Lashley (if we have to) in a 20 minute war. Alas, that would have been entertaining though so they went with Lashley being given the hero push so Vince would have nice wet dreams that night. This was an abomination and not a PPV at all.

Get the Hardys/MNM match if you like tag wrestling, but other than that don’t do anything with this show so Vince doesn’t get anything out of it. This was an insult to the fans at best and an ego trip by Vince of epic proportions.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

As usual, it’s about taking it back to the past.When Ricky Steamboat debuted, he was billed as the nephew of a popular local wrestler named Sam Steamboat.  Shane Douglas was the nephew of Paul Orndorff when he started.  Kane is Undertaker’s brother.  Why not do this more often?  They harp on how important being a second generation guy is all the time now, so why not make it up?  It’s ok to lie to up once in awhile, so why not try something like this?

Simple idea: what do you want from Xanta Claus for Christmas?  My list:1. Less 50/50 booking.

2. Better stories.

3. Less Hogan.

4. Eve Torres

 

Your lists?

Smackdown
Date: November 30, 2012
Location: CenturyLink Center, Bossier City, Louisiana
Commentators: Josh Matthews, John Bradshaw Layfield

Remember when Smackdown used to be good? Like when it was the best wrestling show on TV? I’m trying to give myself a nice feeling before I get into this show. We’re going to get the Shield interview from Raw I’m sure, along with Cena and AJ’s latest kiss at least once or twice on top of that. Oh and the world champions will get a quick bit of time too if we can squeeze them in. Let’s get to it.

The opening voiceover is about Shield and Show vs. Sheamus at the end.

Here’s Cena to open the show. Before Cena can eve talk, we get a recap of him vs. Ziggler. Cena talks about now being on Smackdown that often, but he’s here tonight because Dolph is in the main event. He makes fun of Ziggler for being world champion for about ten minutes once and for losing the MITB case whenever he cashes it in. Tonight it’s Sheamus vs. Ziggler and Cena is excited about it.

This brings out….Alberto Del Rio? Cena sucks up to the fans a bit as Alberto says the show belongs to him. Del Rio lists off his accomplishments, all of which Cena himself has done if I remember correctly. Alberto tells Cena to get out but Cena wants to see the main event. Cena says he won’t leave now because he has a match with Del Rio RIGHT NOW.

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

After a break we come back for the opening bell and to see Cena shoulder block Del Rio to the floor. We head to the outside and Cena gets rammed back first into the announce table. Back in and Alberto hits a top rope ax handle/punch to the face for two. We get a recap from before the break that set this match up via a splitscreen. Do they really think we need that much assistance in getting through a show?

A running kick to the face puts Cena down and a suplex gets two. Ziggler is watching in the back as Del Rio hooks an armbar. Cena blocks a second suplex attempt into one of his own, only to have Alberto hit a running kick to the arm in the corner. Another ax handle gets two and it’s back to the armbar. We take a break and come back with Del Rio missing a backsplash off the middle rope.

Cena initiates his finishing sequence and hits the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a Backstabber for two. The armbreaker is countered into a neckbreaker by Cena and both guys are down. John heads up top but Del Rio takes him down with an enziguri. Another enziguri misses but Cena can’t get the STF. A backbreaker puts Cena down for two more so Del Rio goes up yet again. His third attempt at an ax handle is blocked by a Cena dropkick to put both guys down. The AA is countered into the armbreaker which is countered into the STF by Cena.

Alberto FINALLY makes a rope and heads to the apron. As Cena tries to pull him back in, there’s an armbreaker over the ropes to slow Cena down. Alberto tries a sunset flip but gets caught in another AA attempt. THAT gets reversed into a German suplex for two so Alberto puts Cena in the Tree of Woe. Del Rio tries a spear to an upside down Cena but hits the post shoulder first instead. The top rope Fameasser hits perfectly for the pin on Alberto at 11:23 shown of 14:53.

Rating: B. This was a solid nearly PPV quality match with one thing that really set it apart: the ending. It’s nice to see something other than one of Cena’s two finishers ending a match for a change. Seeing the same moves get the same two counts over and over can start to seem like a waste of time after awhile, so having one of those moves get a pin every now and then is a good thing. The match was good stuff too and one of their better matches.

As Cena poses on the stage, Dolph blasts him in the back of the head with the briefcase. Josh: “You don’t want to see something like that happen to John Cena.” John: “Why not?”

Time for another recap, this time of the main event of Raw where Punk beat Kane and then the Shield ran in to beat up the monster. The beatdown on Ryback isn’t shown.

HELL NO is glaring at each other in the back when Kofi comes up to tell them to get along because they have a six man tonight. The tag champions shout compliments to each other and agree that they can get along. Kofi doesn’t know what to think of this.

Cena yells at Booker that he wants Ziggler. Booker says let the match with Sheamus vs. Ziggler take place tonight. Cena agrees because of his past with Booker.

Great Khali vs. David Otunga

Josh says this might be harder for Otunga than passing the bar exam, causing JBL to go on a big rant. Khali knocks Otunga to the floor where Horny jumps him, only to get chased away. Khali pulls Otunga back into the ring for the big chop and the pin at 1:26.

Horny and Khali dance post match.

Prime Time Players/Wade Barrett vs. HELL NO/Kofi Kingston

Take two feuds, put them into one match. This is something that could be done far more often. Kane vs. Darren gets things going here with Young getting punched down very quickly. Off to Bryan for a running dropkick in the corner and some regular kicks to a seated Young as well. Kane hits a seated dropkick of his own for two as Young shouts for Titus.

Darren finally gets in a single shot and runs over to Titus for the tag. O’Neal has his head kicked off for two and he’s sent to the floor. There’s Bryan’s running knee off the apron and we take a break. Back with Kofi getting two on Young off a dropkick. Back to Kane who does nothing so here’s Bryan again. Daniel fires off kicks and chops but Titus comes in off a blind tag to take over for the first time.

The Players take Bryan down with a double shoulder for two by Young. Off to a surfboard hold with the knee in the back by Darren. That goes nowhere so here’s Barrett for the first time. Pumphandle slam gets two on Bryan and it’s off to a reverse chinlock. Titus hits a reverse slam on Bryan before suplexing Young down onto him for two.

Darren hooks a chinlock but Bryan fights up with a bunch of forearms. Young comes back with a northern lights suplex for two as we’re waiting on the big hot tag. Titus works on the back of Bryan but charges into a boot in the corner to give Bryan a breather. There’s the tag to Kane who beats the tar out of Young, getting two off a side slam.

The top rope clothesline connects but Titus breaks things up. Kofi comes in sans tag (such a bad influence on the children) and everything breaks down. Young tries to come in of the top but jumps into a chokeslam. Swan Dive and the NO Lock from Bryan get the tap at 10:38 shown of 14:08.

Rating: C. This might as well have been the Players vs. the champions with Kofi and Barrett as managers. The two singles guys were in the match for maybe a minute each at most and I actually forgot who they were when I was writing up the results. The match wasn’t bad or anything, but I’m not sure why Barrett and Kingston didn’t get more time.

Sheamus is very excited about kicking Ziggler in the head later.

Raw ReBound is the ending of the show, most of which we saw earlier.

Here’s Damien Sandow, who says he’s going to be focusing on individuals instead of the masses from now on, which is why he’s going to search for an apprentice. He goes through the front row and finds a guy in a Punk shirt that suits him. Damien asks the fan some basic questions (how many wheels on a tricycle and how often does the US hold presidential elections) before asking what the velocity of Jupiter’s moon Europa. Sandow’s reply of “YOU IGNARAMOUS!” when the guy doesn’t know is hilarious. He says the fan has disgraced Louisiana and wants him out of his country.

Damien Sandow vs. Tyson Kidd

Kidd chases Sandow to the apron but Damien rams him face first into said apron to take over. Back in and the Wind-Up Elbow gets two but Kidd comes back with kicks to the head for two of his own. Sandow heads to the floor and gets caught in a suicide dive from Kidd. Back in and Kidd tries his springboard elbow but it lands on Sandow’s knee. For some reason this hurts Kidd instead of Damien’s knee is beyond me but whatever. Terminus ends this at 2:49.

Video on Cena’s 300^th Make-A-Wish granted.

Ziggler says that Cena is a liar and liars get what they deserve: MITB case shots to the back of their heads. There’s a really bad superhero parody skit in there somewhere.

Usos vs. 3 Man Band

It’s Slater/Mahal again. Slater vs. Jey to get things going here as the fans go pretty silent after booing 3MB’s entrance. It’s quickly off to Jimmy who now has a sleeve tattoo which helps tell them apart. A middle rope splash gets two on Slater but it’s off to Mahal to take over with a knee and chinlock. A hot tag brings in Jey for some fast paced offense including a shot to the face and a Samoan Drop for no cover. The running Umaga attack in the corner gets two but some Slater interference lets Mahal hit the full nelson slam for the pin at 2:41. This was nothing.

We recap Show and Sheamus’ staredown from Raw with Show breaking a chair.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Sheamus

Ziggler takes over to start but the showing off lets Sheamus get in a few shots to take control away. Dolph sends him to the floor but dives into a fall away slam into the barricade. Ziggler is thrown back in, only to fall right back to the floor. Sheamus throws him back in again but Ziggler guillotines him down to break up the ten forearms. We take a break and come back with Ziggler hitting a splash in the corner for two.

Off to a chinlock by the smaller guy, followed by a kick to Sheamus’ head for two. Ziggler chokes and stomps away in the corner but his charge is countered by a backdrop to the apron. There are the ten forearms to the chest but Ziggler avoids the top rope shoulder. Brogue Kick misses and Ziggler gets two off the jumping DDT. The Fameasser misses as well and there’s the Irish Curse for two. White Noise is countered but Sheamus counters the counter into the Cloverleaf but here’s Big Show for the DQ at 8:45 shown of 12:15.

Rating: C. Nothing significant here as it was all leading up to a run-in finish. It’s nice to see Ziggler not lose clean for once which happens way too often for a guy who is likely going to be a world champion in the next few months. Other than that though, nothing to see here for the most part but it wasn’t bad.

Cena comes out to save Sheamus from a double team. There’s an AA to Ziggler and a double suplex to Show. A double shoulder puts Show on the floor and the good guys celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Let’s see: recaps kept far lower than previous weeks, some pretty good and long matches, nothing being horrible for the most part, and a 3 Man Band sighting. By comparison to most of what we’ve gotten from WWE lately, this was one of the best shows in months. I’d be much happier with Smackdown if it were like this all the time, as in NOT ABOUT RAW.

Results

John Cena b. Alberto Del Rio – Top Rope Fameasser

Great Khali b. David Otunga – Chop

HELL NO/Kofi Kingston b. Wade Barrett/Prime Time Players – NO Lock to Young

Damien Sandow b. Tyson Kidd – Terminus

3 Man Band b. Uso Brothers – Full Nelson Slam to Jey

Sheamus b. Dolph Ziggler via DQ when Big Show interefered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This seems to be the news at the moment, as there doesn’t appear to be an Against All Odds next year, and they’ll be going from Genesis in January to Lockdown in March.  No word yet on the rest of the schedule.  As for what I think about this…..It’s the right move.  A lot of TNA PPVs are there for the sake of being there, and you can see how weak a lot of the cards on the B shows are.  Cutting down to 4-7 PPVs a year would be fine instead of one a month is the right move here.  WWE has the roster to pull this off at the moment, but with just two hours a week of TV, having a three hour PPV a month is probably too much for them to pull off.

 

Thoughts?

Impact Wrestling
Date: November 29, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Tazz

It’s Championship Thursday because we can’t go more than a week without having some kind of gimmick show. The main story going on is apparently a hidden love between Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan, because the world wants BROOKE. Other than that we’ve got Aces and 8’s who likely won’t do anything but beat up a lower card guy as they do every week. Let’s get to it.

It’s the usual recap intro. We get the results of Wes Brisco’s Gut Check tonight as well.

Here’s Hogan (Hulk in case you’re a bit slow) to open the show. He talks about how he’s a father and a general manager, and those roles collided last week. Hogan wants Ray to come out here right now and tell him to his face what’s going on. Here’s Ray in street clothes, seemingly ticked off at Hulk for this. Ray wants to know what’s going on because Hogan doesn’t trust him and never has.

Hogan says cut the nonsense and tell him what’s going on between Ray and Brooke. Ray asks if Hogan is sure he wants that, because it might not be what Hogan wants to hear. Cue Brooke to really crank up the acting in this segment. Brooke says she’s 18 now and Hulk immediately cuts her off. He doesn’t want Brooke EVER with another wrestler, especially Ray.

Aries pops up on the screen, standing on a table in the back. Apparently Hulk needs to be here to pick a #1 contender to the X Title. The options are Ion, Kash and King. He lays on the desk but says it’s uncomfortable. “Brooke, how do you do this?” I guess Aries is a candidate for the shot as well.

Gail Kim vs. Mickie James

Gail is all fierce tonight and pounds away on Mickie from the start. Off to a headscissors which goes nowhere for Kim but Mickie misses the Thesz Press off the top. Running dropkick gets two for Gail but Eat Defeat is countered. Mick Kick puts Gail down but Kim’s foot is under the rope. Mickie hits the rana out of the corner and a neckbreker gets two. The jumping DDT is blocked by Gail but a tornado DDT pins Gail at 4:57.

Rating: D+. This is what you call going through the motions. Gail is just there anymore in TNA, which could be said about the entire Knockouts Division at this point. There’s nothing new about this division as Mickie vs. Tara has been done so many times before that there’s no reason to get interested in it again.

Storm and AJ argue over who has the right to complain.

Hogan storms into his office and it’s time for the first cut. King gets yelled at for snickering at Aries’ joke. Ion says he’s pretty. Kash says he started the X Division and is a two time champion. Aries says he never lost the title. King is gone, thereby making this far less interesting.

Here’s Roode for a chat. He says last week he made a statement by attacking Hardy and York after Hardy almost lost to the Gut Check Rookie last week. Roode is the real champion and Hardy is just a paper version. If you want to make an impact, call out Roode, not Hardy. This brings out Christian York to deck Roode, which he says is calling Bobby out.

Bobby Roode vs. Christian York

This starts after a break with York taking Roode down very quickly. York comes back with a hop toss and a shoulder block. Make that a few shoulders for two. Roode gets sent into the steps but as York comes back in, Roode crotches him to take over. York gets up a boot in the corner but Roode clotheslines him down. A suplex gets no cover but Roode jumps into a boot. York comes back with more clotheslines and a dropkick, followed by a double stomp to the back from the middle rope. A small package gets two for Roode but York turns his head, allowing Bobby to hit a clothesline to the back of the head. Crossface beats York at 5:17.

Rating: D+. Not a great match but it’s nice to see a Gut Check guy get actual ring time. Until last week, I don’t think we had seen anybody from the conpetition back on the show at all. Anyway, not a terrible match here but it was pretty dull. York has a much better look than the other guys, but his offense is a bit limited. Decent way to spend ten minutes here.

Roode gets a chair post match but Jeff Hardy makes the save.

We recap the Aces and 8’s hammer attacks over the last few weeks.

The boss talks to Aces and 8’s about the holidays. Next week it’s Doc vs. Angle. D-Von wants his TV Title back and he wants it next week. If he gets the shot, no one gets hut tonight. If not, everything goes nuts.

Gut Check judges talk.

Prichard says someone isn’t here but Angle comes up and pleads Wes Brisco’s case. Apparently Al Snow is the person not here.

Kazarian/Christopher Daniels vs. AJ Styles/James Storm

Before the match, Daniels says he’ll win the FINAL MATCH and it’ll haunt AJ forever. AJ and Kaz get things going with Kaz ducking under the dropkick. Off to Storm who speeds things up and hits a running neckbreaker. He glares at AJ before turning around to punch Daniels. AJ comes in and messes up a double elbow with Storm. A knee drop misses Daniels and the heels take over. Storm comes back in and is immediately beaten down in the corner. Daniels and Kaz want to be called Bad Influence because they like the vices of life.

Daniels hits a slingshot elbow followed by a slingshot legdrop for two. The evil ones do that Gangam Style or whatever it’s called dance as Taz audibly rolls his eyes. Hot tag brings in AJ to clean half of the house or so. The springboard forearm puts Daniels down but AJ goes for a slingshot dive onto Kaz, which misses completely (these misses are intentional if that’s not clear). Daniels goes to the floor for some double teaming, followed by a combination Blue Thunder Bomb/neckbreaker for two on AJ. Storm pulls Kaz to the floorr but AJ misses the Pele. Blind tag brings in Storm for the Last Call to Daniels for the pin at 7:08.

Rating: C+. Decent tag match here and we’ve got a story going on with AJ here. I’m not wild on Storm being used as a placeholder in a feud like this but that’s TNA for you. I’m also not looking forward to AJ vs. Daniels again, because it’s been done SO many times already. It’ll be good, but I don’t care to see it again. I just don’t.

Lockdown is in San Antonio.

Back to the X-Division reality stuff. Ion references Hulk Hogan’s Pastamania which is just cool. That will never be said about Ion again. Kash says he should get a shot because he’s been there before. Aries gets the shot. Sure why not.

Joe says ok to D-Von’s challenge, because D-Von abandoned the title.

Douglas Williams vs. Matt Morgan

Ryan does Morgan’s intro here. Morgan has Hogan’s old robe from 1980 here. Total squash, ended by a chokeslam and the Carbon Footprint at 2:11.

D’Lo Brown is replacing Snow. Taz says no, the others say yes. That took ten minutes somehow. Angle and Garrett come out to celebrate.

Ray yells at Hogan and says he’s confusing business with personal. Hogan accuses Ray of the same thing.

Aries tells Hogan that winning the X Title back is his path to the world title and says this was his plan. We don’t hear Hogan’s response because of an audio glitch, which means we hear a Roode/Hardy package instead.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Austin Aries

Van Dam takes him down into the corner to start but Aries comes back quickly. Aries’ splash hits knees though and we head to the floor. Van Dam hits a plancha and we take a break. Back with RVD countering the suicide dive but hitting the barricade with the spinning legdrop. Aries hits a neckbreaker over the barricade which gets a bunch of two’s back in the ring.

A DDT gets two for Aries as does a modified Rolling Thunder. Aries tries the Five Star but hits only mat. Van Dam hits the real Rolling Thunder and the Split Legged Moonsault for two. Van Dam dropkicks him down and loads up the Five Star, only to get knocked into the barricade by Aries. Aries gets the mic and insults Brooke a big, drawing out Bully Ray for the DQ 12:31. Oh freaking screw this.

Rating: C. This was getting good until the end. Aries vs. Ray at the PPV I guess, but man alive I do not care at all about this story. Could it be because there’s WAY too much Brooke Hogan in it? Well she’s in the story at all, so that would imply there being too much of her. The match was going fine until the end, but a bit too much stealing moves for me.

Aries gets caught between Ray and Hogan to end the show. Aries of course is an afterthought as Hogan and Ray stare at each other, with Ray saying Hogan still doesn’t trush me.

Overall Rating: D. Oh I did not like this show. I mean I didn’t like it AT ALL. The main problem here is that the stakes were so freaking low. We’ve got Ray, who has to be injured or something given how long it’s been since he had a match, apparently dating (that hasn’t been confirmed yet) Brooke because TWO secret relationships aren’t enough in a single year. We’ve got Hogan FURIOUS at Aries so he gives him a title match. Not a world title match mind you, but a title match for a title that is often tacked on to PPVs at the last minute.

Other than that we’ve got Hardy and Roode feuding through Christian York to set up a match that Roode has as much chance of winning as I have of winning Miss America 1984. Wes Brisco, a guy famous for coming from a famous family and who is clearly in Aces and 8’s because NO ONE ELSE IN WRESTLING HAS HAIR LIKE THAT gets to beat Garrett Bischoff to make it to Gut Check. Why am I supposed to care?

That’s Impact in a nutshell right now: they seem to have no idea where they’re going and no reason to give me to care. We’re getting Mickie vs. Tara in the dead Knockouts Division. We’ve got Storm going nowhere. We’ve got AJ vs. Daniels for literally probably their 12^th PPV match. We’ve got D-Von and Luke freaking Gallows as the only names in Aces and 8’s. What is interesting about TNA right now? If you can come up with something, you’re either smarter than I am or a total mark for their company.

Results

Mickie James b. Gail Kim – Tornado DDT

Bobby Roode b. Christian York – Crossface

James Storm/AJ Styles b. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels – Last Call to Daniels

Matt Morgan b. Douglas Williams – Carbon Footprint

Austin Aries b. Rob Van Dam via DQ when Bully Ray interfered

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

NXT
Date: November 28, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Tony Dawson, Jim Ross, Tom Phillips

Back to the Florida guys this week as we approach the title match between Rollins and Mahal. We’re also getting towards the point where this show will catch up to WWE and we’ll see Mahal as a leather clad rocker and potentially Rollins as a guy in a police themed gimmick. Other than that we’ve still got Langston vs. Vickie’s guys for the bounty. Let’s get to it.

We open with Bryan, saying that he’s coming back to the place where it all started for him. Since he was here, he became world champion, started a successful line of t-shirts and now HE IS THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Tonight he demands that no one say YES and that no one call him a goatface. He also says that Kane, who is standing next to him, must stay out of his way. Kane says HE is the tag team champions and for Bryan to stay out of his way. You know where this is going. Bryan lets out the biggest NO ever but Kane says yes to counter.

Theme song.

Trent Barreta vs. Leo Kruger

Trent has banged up ribs due to the presumed attack by Kruger last week. He takes Kruger down with some running shots to the head to start, but the ribs keep him from being able to follow up. Leo sends the ribs into the corner and rips off the tape. A knee drop keeps Trent down and Kruger goes after the ribs. Off to an abdominal stretch as the tape is rapidly disappearing from Barreta’s ribs.

Kruger goes up to the middle rope but jumps into a dropkick for two. Trent keeps hitting moves but he has to stop to breathe after every single one. The running elbow in the corner staggers Kruger but a release flapjack stops the momentum cold. The Kruger End (neckbreaker into a cutter) gets the pin on Trent at 4:39.

Rating: C-. The match makes sense from a logic and psychology standpoint which I like, but it wasn’t exactly an interesting match due to all of the slowing down. Trent is a guy who will go out there and give you a good match most of the time, but he wasn’t able to be himself here. Odds are we’ll get another match soon when Trent is healthy.

Xavier Woods vs. Memo Montenegro

Woods is billed as being from Angel Grove, California. Isn’t that where the Power Rangers were from in the first few seasons? Woods likes to dance apparently and also is good in hip hop kido. JR doesn’t care for whatever that is but likes headlocks. The voice Ross uses when saying that was hilarious. Woods continues to control with the headlock as JR continues to sound like he cannot stand Woods’ gimmick. Memo misses a clothesline and a dropkick puts him down. In a stupid/AWESOME ending, Woods shouts that IT’S MORPHING TIME (awesome) and hits a rolling clothesline for the pin at 2:14.

Wait a second. During the match, Dawson said that Woods was trained by Zack Taylor in Hip Hop Kido. A quick Wikipedia search shows that Taylor was the name of the original Black Power Ranger and his fighting style was in fact Hop Hop Kido. I take what I said earlier back. Woods is AWESOME!

Audrey Marie vs. Emma

Emma is from Australia and Audrey is officially a cowgirl. A dropkick puts Emma down quickly and Audrey hooks a “unique submission” according to Tom. JR: “It’s called a bodyscissors Tom.” That gets a few rollups for two on Emma and it’s off to a move I’ve heard called a Tumbleweed for more twos. JR continues to be funny because he’s annoyed and/or bored, saying that he feels sorry for these girls because neither has a last name. Tom calls a cross body a giant play to annoy JR even more. After a backslide gets two for Emma, Audrey finishes her with a Catatonic (spinning Rock Bottom) at 2:40.

Roman Reigns has issued a press release, saying that he doesn’t want to give an interview right now. He has meetings with his “team” to determine various endorsements because he’s a blue chipper, but he’ll participate in this interview at a later date. Ok that’s pretty awesome.

Here’s Michael Cole to moderate a face to face meeting between Rollins and Mahal. Cole’s music sounds like it’s being sung by a bad Frank Sinatra impersonator and is called Never Thought My Life Could Be This Good. It sounds like it’s describing a scene from Leave It To Beaver, talking about having a mowed lawn and a picket fence. It’s kind of catchy actually.

Anyway he brings out Rollins and Mahal for the face to face confrontation. Mahal says what he did last week wasn’t an attack. Rollins says it was the action of a desperate man, because Mahal knows he can’t beat Rollins one on one. Mahal talks about how it’s his birthright (his destiny if you will) to be a champion. Rollins talks about being a man of the people and sharing a mind and a spirit. Rollins says he’s better than Mahal because he has the heart of a champion. Mahal goes on a rant about prejudice and attacks Rollins, putting him in the camel clutch.

Tag Titles: Michael McGillicutty/Johnny Curtis vs. HELL NO

Curtis is already dancing and is apparently a stripper now. Oh joy. Apparently THIS is Johnny’s cash in for winning NXT Season 4. Wow they actually remembered that. Points for continuity! Bryan and Kane argue before the match, which starts with McGillicutty vs. Bryan. Michael takes him down to start and Bryan pretends to tag Kane, just to tease him a bit. Now be nice to that monster.

Kane tags himself in and clotheslines McGillicutty to the floor, only to have Bryan tag himself back in. The challengers take over with some double teaming and Goatface plays Ricky Morton. Curtis puts on a bow and arrow submission hold before it’s back to McGillicutty for some shots to the ribs. Johnny hooks a chinlock for a bit before a double clothesline puts both guys down. Hot tag brings in Kane and house is cleaned. Bryan tags himself in again and the champions argue. McGillicutty gets two off a rollup as everything breaks down. A chokeslam puts Curtis down as the NO Lock submits McGillicutty at 7:05.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here as the whole match was just killing time until McGillicutty and Curtis realized they were McGillicutty and Curtis. Why in the world Curtis is getting repackaged and put on the main roster instead of McGillicutty is beyond me, but it might be because Michael is talented and might get over, and we wouldn’t want that.

The champs hug it out to close the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t their best show. The Power Rangers thing is a great geek out moment, but the rest of this show doesn’t work for me. The main guys other than Rollins weren’t here and they were clearly missed. I can’t complain about seeing Audrey Marie on my screen, but JR being belligerent is sad to hear. He just doesn’t care anymore and that’s very clear. Not a terrible show, but their worst in months.

Results

Leo Kruger b. Trent Barreta – Kruger End

Xavier Woods b. Memo Montenegro – Rolling Clothesline

Audrey Marie b. Emma – Spinning Rock Bottom

HELL NO b. Michael McGillicutty/Johnny Curtis – NO Lock to McGillicutty

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #97
Date: July 22, 1997
Location: Jacksonville Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

This is a special show on a Tuesday for reasons that weren’t given. Anyway the main event tonight is a match I remember pretty well for some reason as Benoit and Flair challenge the Outsiders for the tag titles. Other than that we get to hear if Luger’s challenge to Hogan for a title match at Road Wild is accepted or not. Let’s get to it.

We open with the Nitro Girls of course. They’re certainly better looking than Tony and Larry.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff to really get things going. They have a microphone and are standing in the ring, so Tony deduces that they obviously have something to say. You can’t buy analysis like this people. They decide to lay down on the mat and take it easy for this interview. Hogan says that most of the people in this arena and in the back are here because of him. Now that we’re in the 90s, he sets the pace for wrestling.

Hogan talks about how Konnan is another step of the way closer to world dominance. I wouldn’t exactly call it that but it’s his company I guess. Luger wants what Hogan has, because Hogan is the best. Hollywood says he’s smarter than Luger is and he wants him in a title match one on one. He accepts the challenge for Sturgis. Hogan seemed to be rambling a lot more than usual here which is weird for him. He may sound crazy most of the time but he usually makes it sound decent.

Konnan vs. Tsubusa

I can only find two other matches for Tsubusa, both of them in six man tags in Japan. He’s a masked guy with a shiny cape and that’s about it. The 187 and Tequila Sunrise make Tsubusa tap out in about 25 seconds.

TV Title: Ultimo Dragon vs. Steven Regal

No entrance for either guy and Regal is defending. The champ cranks on Dragon’s arm but Dragon speeds things up to escape. Dragon has the awesome black and gold attire on tonight so you know he’s going to be on his game. Regal gets kicked hard by his challgener before doing his headstand in the corner. Steven takes him down and pounds away on the mat before putting dragon on the top, only to get taken down by a sunset bomb. A reverse suplex puts Dragon down so Dragon comes back with the kicks and a Dragon Sleeper to win the title out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. Dragon is one of those guys that had the skill in the ring and was better than most of the other cruiserweights, but the lack of personality always held him back. Now that being said, this was solid stuff because it was what Dragon was best at: matches where he had someone solid to work with and you got a good match out of it in the process. Solid stuff here, especially for a four minute match.

Here’s Flair to announce who the next Horseman is going to be. The choice is…..Syxx? Yeah that Syxx. Syxx comes out and makes fun of the Horsemen for being old (the announcers actually bought Syxx as the new member of course) and Flair says Syxx almost cost him his job. Ric belts him in the face and Benoit comes out to stand between Syxx and Flair. Syxx promises Outsider revenge and that’s that.

More dancing.

Giant vs. Great Muta

They circle each other for a bit, Giant no sells some dropkicks and grabs Muta by the throat, and Muta mists him for the DQ.

The NWO (Vincent and Savage in this version) comes out for a beatdown but Giant shrugs them off. Luger comes out to help but Giant grabs him for a chokeslam….but puts him down before he chokeslams him. He was blind for that fight and the near chokeslam on Luger. I’m not entirely sure what the point of the Luger stuff was there.

Dean Malenko vs. Steve McMichael

Mongo throws him down to start as we hear about the Nitro Parties, which is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of people watching Nitro and filming it. Mongo puts on a headlock followed by a shoulder to take Dean down, but a knee drop misses. Steve blocks a sunset flip out of the corner and hits a kind of World’s Strongest Slam for no cover. Malenko comes back with a good German Suplex which pops the crowd a bit.

Another powerslam kind of move puts Dean down and here are Debra and Jarrett for a distraction. Mongo goes after him but gets guillotined on the top rope, allowing Dean to hit a dropkick and one of the worst looking small packages of all time (Mongo’s fault) for the pin. This was supposed to be an upset because of the size difference, but does anyone buy Mongo as a bigger talent/star than Dean?

Rating: D. The best way to sum this match up is in four words: Mongo bad, Malenko good. Really that’s all there is to it. McMichael tried but he just never got better no matter how long he was in the ring for. He couldn’t even get rolled up without it looking terrible. When Dean Malenko can’t carry you to a decent match, it’s clear you’re not that good.

Post match Gene asks Malenko why he’s associating with Jarrett. Dean doesn’t answer because Mongo comes up. Security takes him off and Jeff pitches a partnership idea to Dean. Malenko says ok and Debra runs her mouth because WCW feels we haven’t suffered enough tonight. Jarrett runs his mouth a bit more and apparently Dean is going to think about it some more.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Hector Guerrero

Hector takes him down with a headscissors but a dropkick misses. Eddie starts stomping but we head to the floor for a chase. Back in and Hector uses a side roll to roll Eddie around the ring about four times for two. Eddie comes back with some biting but another headscissors sends him to the floor. Hector hits a big plancha on the floor but back inside, Eddie powerbombs him down and hits the Frog Splash for a fast pin.

Rating: C. This is the same problem I’ve mentioned before: Hector is a talented guy, but other than his name, he doesn’t mean much to most WCW audiences. I get what they were going for here with the sibling rivalry thing but it’s hard to care here because Hector isn’t a guy we know as far as his stuff in WCW goes.

Post match Dean comes in to beat up Eddie. He puts him in the Cloverleaf but Hector breaks it up. Dean then beats up Hector as well.

Hour #2 begins with no pyro again.

JJ Dillon says he’s got a major talent acquisition to announce. Dancing Stevie Richards comes up to say that he’s signed a contract. JJ wants to talk about Raven so Stevie says he needs to go see Raven in the front row. Dillon offers Raven the contract, saying that everything he wanted is in the deal. Raven is confused but Richards says that he negotiated Raven’s contract himself. Apparently Bird Boy is almost making as much money as Richards and gets a rental car with a tape deck. Raven goes on another rant and rips up the contract. Oh and he hits Richards too.

Lex Luger vs. Scott Norton

Bagwell and Vincent are here with Norton. Luger hits a hip toss to start but Norton comes back with a clothesline to take over. Luger comes back and here’s the NWO run-in to give Lex the DQ win.

Luger cleans house and Racks Vincent. Lex talks a bit until Hogan comes out to exchange some brief insults.

The Outsiders arrive and Konnan is here to meet them.

La Parka/Psychosis vs. Mortis/Wrath

Tonight it’s Hall/Nash vs. Benoit/Flair, presumably for the titles. Before the bell, we cut to the back to see Hennig and Flair talking. Apparently it was supposed to be Hennig coming out earlier when Syxx appeared. Wrath and La Parka start things off with the skeleton man (La Parka) taking over with some kicks. He goes up but jumps into an elbow so it’s off to Psychosis vs. Mortis. Mortis stomps away in the corner but Psychosis breaks free and goes up…..and falls without being touched at all. Ah the perils of live TV.

Psychosis comes back with a dropkick and everyone falls to the floor, where La Parka hits a big corkscrew plancha to the floor. Psychosis slides in to try to dive on Wrath, only to get caught and slammed onto the floor. Mortis suplexes Psychosis back in for two but misses a top rope backsplash. Onoo and Vandenberg get in a fight, as do Wrath and La Parka. Psychosis rolls up Mortis for two but there’s no referee to count. Wrath picks up Psychosis for a powerbomb and Mortis makes it a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo for the pin.

Rating: C+. This was WAY better than you would have expected and got pretty entertaining by the end. The botch was bad but it happens every now and then and there’s almost nothing you can do about it. La Parka and Psychosis didn’t look like jobbers here, but rather a tag team that got beat by a better one. This was a surprisingly fun match and I liked it way more than I was expecting to.

Post match La Parka breaks a wooden chair over Mortis’ back but Wrath kicks his head off to stand tall.

Buff Bagwell vs. Booker T

This is before Booker means anything as a singles guy. Buff armdrags him down and things speed WAY up, resulting in a hiptoss to take Booker down. He immediately spins up and kicks Bagwell down to take over before knocking Buff to the floor. Back in and Bagwell chokes away a bit and slaps Booker in the back of the head. A clothesline turns Booker inside out for two.

Bagwell and referee Nick Patrick get in a shoving match and Bagwell hides in the corner. HHH and Earl Hebner used to do the same spot at house shows. Booker comes back with a big forearm to the face and some atomic drops for no cover. The Harlem Side Kick gets two but Patrick gets hit in the side of the head. Norton clotheslines Booker down and the Blockbuster gives Buff the pin.

Rating: C-. Bagwell was a low level NWO guy but he had a pretty good finisher which I would like to see make a comeback as someone signature move. Booker would get way better in the next year or so before becoming the company’s top star in just a few years. Decent match here but it was a little boring.

Mysterio is here on crutches, saying he’s refused surgery on his bad knee. He talks about how he’s not scared of anyone or anything, but here’s Konnan to kick the crutches away. Some luchadores come out to defend Rey but Konnan says he’s got the Wolfpack watching his back.

Curt Hennig vs. Michael Wallstreet

Wallstreet is still doing his “I hate WCW thing”. Of all the people you waste an idea like that on, you pick Wallstreet? The fans want DDP who hasn’t been here tonight I don’t think. It’s officially Hennig vs. Page at Road Wild. The PerfectPlex wins this in about 35 seconds.

Here’s Page to slug it out with Hennig but Page gets sent into the buckle to give Curt the advantage. The PerfectPlex is countered into a Diamond Cutter and the place goes nuts.

The Nitro Girls dance to Alex Wright’s music.

Tag Titles: Outsiders vs. Ric Flair/Chris Benoit

I’m pretty sure this is a title match. Tony says it is, and while this is probably a bad idea, I’ll go with it. Pay no attention to the Steiners winning like 84 #1 contenders matches in a row prior to this. We start with a brawl and Flair vs. Hall get us going in the ring. The Horsemen stand tall (not as tall as the Outsiders but tall in the metaphorical sense) until we officially start with Benoit and Hall.

Scott tries to pound him down but Benoit hits a dragon screw leg whip and a northern lights suplex for two. Hall bails so it’s off to Nash for a try at the Canadian. Actually make that the Carolinian who is immediately shoved down by Big Kev. Nash does all of his usual stuff in the corner but Flair comes back with punches to the face. Syxx pops Flair in the back of the head, giving Nash two off a side slam.

Back to Hall for the fallaway slam for two more. Nash comes in for some more high quality choking and the running crotch attack while Flair is throat first across the middle rope. Hall hits a running clothesline in the corner to keep Flair in trouble. Nash hits a big over the shoulder Snake Eyes on Flair before it’s back to Hall. Flair grabs a sleeper out of nowhere but Hall reverses into one of his own, only to have Flair quickly suplex out of it.

There’s the hot tag to Benoit who cleans house on both Outsiders. Clotheslines put both guys down and Flair stops Syxx from breaking up the Swan Dive. The headbutt gets two on Hall until Nash makes the save. Benoit punches out of the Jackknife but a Hall distraction lets Nash hit the big boot for a pin out of nowhere.

Rating: C+. I remember this match being a lot better. The ending seemed very rushed and likely happened because they were out of time. If you gave this match another five to seven minutes, it could go way up in quality. Benoit getting a chance to shine is always a good thing, as he was really starting to come into his own at this point. Not a bad match but nothing great either.

Syxx puts Flair in the Buzzkill on the bad arm until Mongo makes the save. The Steiners come out to stare at the Outsiders as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a better episode of Nitro as you can see Road Wild’s card coming together pretty well. Tonight had some good action and a lot of it too, as we had ten matches on a single card. This worked pretty well as WCW is starting to roll a bit heading into the biker PPV. Pretty good stuff here tonight.

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