Monday Night Raw
Date: November 12, 2012
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’ve got a good bit going on tonight, with the main thing being that Jerry Lawler is back from his very real heart attack. On top of that we’ve got the Ryback vs. Brad Maddox challenge match where if Maddox wins he gets a million dollar contract. Finally it’s the go home Raw for Survivor Series which is always interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with the usual VETERANS ARE AWESOME video, narrated by Cena of course. Can’t complain much about this.

They do the stupid voiceover stuff here, this time about Lawler coming back for the first time tonight. This immediately transitions into a video on Cena/AJ/Vickie. You know, because a fake affair between two people who are single in both real life and in storyline is the same as a man nearly dying.

Cena vs. Punk tonight.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

For some annoying reason, we hear about the rivalry between Del Rio and Orton. There is NO reason for that feud to exist anymore. Period. None. Think about it: why should I as a fan care about any of the matches between them if there’s seemingly no blowoff anywhere in sight? This is part of Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley. Have Foley and Ziggler ever even spoken to each other on television? If so has it been in the last year?

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking over by throwing Dolph into the air. A slingshot suplex gets two for the Viper but he misses a charge and gets dropkicked down for two. JR talks about how Orton was the sole survivor in 2004 and 2005 and made his name in Survivor Series matches. He was the sole survivor in 2003 as well so he really started making his name there but who’s counting?

Off to a chinlock but Orton easily suplexes out of it and hits his clotheslines. There’s the Elevated DDT and here’s Del Rio for a distraction. Orton knocks Alberto to the floor and counters the Zig Zag into a rollup for the pin at 3:16. I know they want to make him the new Austin but isn’t that quite a stretch?

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match that I can’t stand rating due to how short it is. I usually only rate matches that run three minutes or more, so this barely qualifies as a ratable match. It’s your standard preview for the Survivor Series match, which means it’s not that good. Ziggler has to lose again of course though.

Post match Orton gets triple teamed until Kofi makes the save. This brings out Teddy Long who makes a tag match. Since Vickie is busy with AJ, Teddy grants himself power because it’s a Super Show. Is it even called that anymore?

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler/Alberto Del Rio

Dolph and Kofi start things off of course, which is probably the right idea given how good they are together. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down and we take a break. Back with Alberto hammering away on Kofi before it’s back to Ziggler. Ziggler dropkicks Kofi down again and it’s off to the handstand chinlock. That stays on for a minute or so before Kofi fights out of it and makes the hot tag to Randy who gets to fight Del Rio. Everything breaks down and things start getting good. SOS gets two on Del Rio and Kofi loads up Trouble in Paradise, but a Ricardo distraction lets Del Rio kick Kofi in the head for the pin at 4:37 shown of 8:07.

Rating: C. Better match than the first one, but did they really have to do THE EXACT SAME FINISH in the span of ten minutes? Are they that creatively bankrupt that they can’t come up with anything else? This was nothing of note until the end where things sped up, but most of the match was in the commercial so what is there for me to grade anyway?

Orton stares at Del Rio because there’s no end to this feud in sight because that’s how WWE works anymore.

Post break here’s Vickie with Ziggler, who is now in his THIRD STRAIGHT SEGMENT. Sweet goodness people you have three hours of Raw a week and THIS is how you use it? I like Ziggler but this is like Jerry Lawler on Memphis TV. He talks about the AJ scandal and we recap the pictures and video from the last few weeks. Vickie says that AJ has said that if they’re every in the same ring, the beating will be awesome.

Vickie calls out AJ and cuts her off, demanding an admission of guilt. AJ says she didn’t do it and GET THE HECK ON WITH IT. This goes on forever with Vickie saying that AJ has to admit the affair or something bad will happen and I zone out. AJ says she admits….that they’re just friends. OH SCREW THIS STORY.

I mean seriously, WHAT is this leading to? Vickie vs. AJ? That’s the payoff of this? Cena and Ziggler aren’t even fighting anymore and who cares? AJ says this is about Vickie getting passed over for the GM job at Raw 1000 and how AJ has abused her twice in the ring. AJ says that Vickie is throwing her weight around and we get a fat joke. Vickie has voicemails that may or may not have been doctored and this story just keeps going. One voicemail is just AJ talking to John, whoever that is.

A second talks about AJ and someone needing to stop this but again no name is given. AJ looks concerned after the third one, saying Vickie hacked into Cena’s phone and edited those together. AJ is about to yell when Ziggler cuts her off. Cena finally comes out and beats up Ziggler. Again, if that was the match on Sunday, this would be more acceptable. Still bad, but acceptable. Unfortunately, this ISN’T the match on Sunday and therefore is a BIG FREAKING WASTE OF TIME. This segment was nearly FIFTEEN FREAKING MINUTES LONG.

Cole and JR talk about the veterans a bit and we get a video about them.

Post break it’s MORE CENA AND AJ! They’re in the back and AJ is freaking out. Cena says that there’s nothing going on and not to worry about it. AJ implies that something might happen and Cena blushes a bit. They leave awkwardly as the crowd says ooooo.

We recap the pub fight from last week on Smackdown.

William Regal vs. Big Show

See, this is something where they could mix it up. Make this a world title match. Does it mean much? Not really, but would it hurt anything? Show is supposed to be all dominant so why not give the fans a chance to buy something could happen? It’s not going to hurt a thing but it could make things a tiny bit more interesting. Show pounds away on Regal but Regal keeps that psycho look on his face. A left hand has no effect on Show but Show misses an elbow drop. Regal goes off on Show but it’s a chokeslam for the pin at 1:40. Again, why not make that a title match to give people a reason to watch?

Post match Show loads up the WMD but Sheamus makes the save. Sheamus stomps and pounds on Show so the champion runs.

Kaitlyn vs. Layla

The winner gets the shot at Eve on Sunday who is on commentary. It’s one of those worthless forty five second matches (literally) with Kaitlyn countering a cross body out of the corner into a reverse DDT for the pin and the shot at Eve. And people wonder why no one cares about the Divas.

We get a video from two months ago where Lawler had his heart attack, including audio from the paramedics and backstage footage. Classy people those WWE bosses. I know Lawler is cool with it, but seriously, showing footage of a man almost DYING? Doing an angle in the ring is one thing, but that’s a bit much no?

Cole and JR are in the ring and here’s the return of Jerry Lawler. This is a really cool moment with the fans and announcers legitimately having emotion for someone coming back. Even Cole hugs Jerry which is a pretty big moment. Lawler isn’t sure what to say but he can’t believe he’s really back here. Jerry talks about the movie It’s A Wonderful Life, which is about a man who didn’t know how good he had it until he almost lost it. He thanks the fans for their prayers….and here are Punk and Heyman.

Jerry immediately gets out of the ring and Punk says that he’s glad Jerry got out of the ring, because he would have beaten Lawler to death….again. It’s ok to boo Punk but you can’t get Lawler involved right? Punk talks about how Lawler wants to relive his glory days and fight him but that’s in bad taste too right? Apparently one of the side effects is having a heart attack, and shame on all the people for blaming Punk for the heart attack. It’s all Lawler’s fault apparently because apparently Jerry couldn’t let it go.

Punk is tired of hearing about the number of minutes Punk was dead, but the real number is 358, which is the amount of days he’s been champion. He’s now past Diesel on the all time list, but once he gets past Cena, he’s pretty much done unless he has the title another three years. Punk tells Lawler not to die before the PPV, so Lawler says that Punk’s reign as champion is on life support.

Now we get to the controversial part of the show: Heyman fakes a heart attack. Punk throws up the X and performs CPR and Heyman is fine. It’s time for a little lesson from KB: those of you that were offended by this need to go watch Care Bears because it’s more at your maturity level. This is EXACTLY what people have been wanting for years: more mature storylines. These kind of things would have been tame back in the old days and if you believe Lawler wasn’t giving this the ok the whole time, you’re an idiot.

Punk played on the crowd’s emotions and the people hate him even more now. That’s called working the fans which you NEVER get anymore, and that’s because everyone is afraid of being offended. Was this evil by Punk? Of course it was. Was this playing on peoples’ emotions? Of course it was. Was this a good idea? Of course it was. I mean, it’s almost like Punk is a villain and he’s offended the fans. If only there were people that could avenge Punk by taking away the thing he loves most, say in a triple threat match. At Survivor Series. Available on Pay Per View.

Then, the fans that are glad to see Punk lose could say to their mom: “THAT WAS SO COOL! John Cena beat Punk for the Championship! Can I have a John Cena shirt? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” It’s almost like it’s SMART BUSINESS. But hey, people might be offended so we should just carry on talking while people ask for more actions which will wind up offending them, because if there’s one thing wrestling fans know, it’s what they want.

Anyway this brings out Mick Foley, as in the guy that Punk STILL isn’t fighting at Survivor Series, but we need to push this story anyway because the idea of changing things on the fly is WAY too freaking complicated for this batch of writers. Foley yells about Punk and Heyman disrespecting the business. Punk: “Take it easy. This man just had a heart attack!” Foley says we’ll get to vote on the final member of the team tonight so Punk makes fun of him.

Foley goes on a BIG rant about how Lawler was dead but he’s back today. Let’s summarize this quickly. Foley: “You have no respect.” Punk: “I don’t just off roofs.” That takes a few minutes before we’re told that Foley is the enforcer for the main event tonight, because that changes SO much. Oh and don’t bother saying Cena’s name here. Innocent people might have kept watching!

Post match Punk rants to Heyman about how everything is falling apart. Heyman says we’re out of options and Punk says to fix it.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd vs. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico

Lawler is back on commentary officially. It’s Titus vs. Justin to start with O’Neal taking over. There’s the suplex drop with Young landing on Gabriel for two. Off to Epico for a chinlock and here’s Ricardo Rodriguez to give Rosa Mendes a note. She seems excited about what it said as Rey comes in to beat up Primo. A powerbomb by Primo is countered into a rana into the 619 position but Primo rolls to the floor. Rey hits a gorgeous Asai Moonsault as we take a break.

Back with Titus beating on Mysterio on the floor. They head back in for Titus to hit the Nikolai Volkoff gorilla press backbreaker for two. We hit the bearhug for a bit before it’s off to Primo. Rey kicks Primo in the head to put him down but Young gets the tag before Rey can. Scratch that as Kidd gets the tag and things speed up. Kidd kicks Darren in the head and hits a Blockbuster as everything breaks down. Things speed up so fast that I can’t type it all. It’s down to Kidd vs. Young with Tyson countering the Gutbuster into a 619 from Rey followed by the 450 from Gabriel for the pin at 6:31 shown of 10:31.

Rating: C+. This started slow but once Kidd hit the Blockbuster it went INSANE fast. That’s the kind of things WWE should be doing: fast paced tag matches with the guys that are capable of having fast paced tag matches. Start the show with THIS instead of the long and dull matches you did and things get off on a much better foot.

The WWE still loves the troops!

Brad Maddox is in the back when Heyman comes in. He asks the camera to be shut off and the two of them go for a walk.

Miz is in the back on the phone when Ziggler comes in. Dolph says it’s only a matter of time before Miz comes crawling back to the team and they get in an argument. Foley comes up and a tag match between the Rhodes Scholars and Kane/whoever wins the poll is made. Foley says Amy Schmumer, Dolph’s real life ex-girlfriend who broke up with Dolph for being too athletic in bed, says hello. Ziggler leaves and Miz asks to be on the Foley ballot. We have a face turn ladies and gentlemen.

The full ballot: Santino, Ryder, Miz. And WWE has the nerve to complain when we say these polls are dumb.

R-Truth vs. Tensai

Cesaro comes out for commentary as he defends against Truth on Sunday. He makes fun of America for being a joke like Little Jimmy which hasn’t been funny in months. This is joined in progress after a break with Truth fighting out of a chinlock. Tensai fires off some chops to the neck for two and it’s off to an armbar. Truth makes a comeback, hits a dropkick and the ax kick to set up Little Jimmy for the pin at 2:14. This was nothing and I have zero desire to see Cesaro vs. Truth whatsoever.

Post match Cesaro yells at Truth so Truth says knock knock. Apparently Europe in my face is there and on Sunday, Truth is going to knock Cesaro’s teeth into his esophagus.

We get a clip of Ryback vs. Maddox in WWE 13.

Ad for the NWO DVD which doesn’t look that bad. Pay no attention to the clips that are used directly from Monday Night Wars.

We recap Maddox’s explanation and Vince’s announcement last week.

We recap the show so far. Why in the world would ANYONE want to see this again? I mean they just AIR THE SEGMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN. Dear goodness almighty what is wrong with this company anymore?

Brad Maddox vs. Ryback

If Maddox wins, he gets a million dollar contract. There’s an ambulance waiting for Maddox. Lawler: “Hey my ride’s here.” What are you expecting from this match? Maddox tries to run, Ryback rams Brad’s head into the mat about ten times, tells Maddox that he’s dead, powerslams him down, Meat Hooks Maddox to the floor, hits three HARD powerbombs and Shell Shocks him for the pin at 5:30.

Rating: N/A. I’m not going to bother rating this one as it was a LONG squash. At the end of the day, there was nothing interesting or surprising here and this is basically the ending of the storyline from HIAC. Why anyone wanted to see this is beyond me, but then again the entire show has been worthless so far.

We’re STILL not done with this as Ryback destroys Maddox a bit more and puts him on the stretcher and against the ambulance.

David Otunga vs. Sheamus

Total squash AGAIN with White Noise and the Brogue Kick ending this in 2:20. Again, there’s juts NOTHING to talk about in these matches tonight.

Post match Sheamus says he’ll win the title back. We see Show on the screen beating up Regal in the back.

Bryan doesn’t like that Kane is having another partner tonight.

Rhodes Scholars vs. Kane/???

Miz wins in a completely not shocking landslide. This is joined in progress with Kane getting two off a suplex on Sandow. Off to Miz for a knee lift for the same and the corner clothesline keeps Sandow in trouble. Off to Kane vs. Cody with the Scholars continuing to be in trouble. Bryan pouting is hilarious stuff. Miz backdrops Cody to the floor and hits an ax handle off the apron before glaring at Bryan.

The distraction lets Cody hit the Disaster Kick and it’s off to Damien again. Wind-Up Elbow gets two and it’s chinlock time. That goes nowhere so Miz fights up and hits the Reality Check. Hot tag brings in Kane and a side slam gets two for Kane. Bryan and Miz get in a near argument and Cody gets chokeslammed for the pin at 5:39 shown.

Rating: C. This was just a regular tag match which went nowhere. Miz turning face is fine but at the end of the day, he’ll win a few matches then lose a few and no one will be any better off, because that’s how WWE works anymore. I guess we’re passing on the idea of the Scholars being champions anymore as they’ve lost time and time again. Actually scratch that as it means they’ll win soon I’m sure. Oh and of course the guy who is the big surprise turn doesn’t get to be in on the fall or anything like that.

More stuff about the troops. Tribute to the Troops is coming to Norfolk.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Non-title of course. Feeling out process to start with Cena cranking on the arm. Foley is guest enforcer and glares at Punk on the floor as we take a break. Back with Cena on top but falling out to the floor with Punk. Back in and a neckbreaker from Punk is countered into a backslide by Cena for two. Off to a chinlock by CM which is shifted into a sleeper. Cena starts his comeback but gets rolled up when he tries the Shuffle. A neckbreaker puts Cena down but the Macho Elbow misses.

There’s the Shuffle again but Punk rolls away. The AA is countered and some kicks get two for the champ. GTS and AA are both countered so Punk puts on a Koji Clutch. Cena gets the rope and counters the springboard clothesline into the STF. Foley takes out Heyman as the High Kick gets two for CM. The GTS is countered again into the STF but Punk makes the ropes again. The champ heads up the ramp but Ryback is waiting on him. Back in and the AA gets the pin at 10:30 shown of 14:00.

Rating: B-. It’s Cena vs. Punk with more than five minutes. Were you expecting anything bad? They’re making it seem like Punk has no chance in the triple threat, which is a pretty clear indicator that he’s going to retain the belt so he can lose the title to Rock at the Rumble, because WWE actually thinks we’ll buy Punk as having a chance.

Ryback and Cena both grab the title post match while Punk looks like he’s about to cry in the background.

Overall Rating: D. Oh sweet goodness Raw sucks anymore. There’s some stuff on here that’s worth checking out, but at the end of the day the first forty minutes are just SO FREAKING DULL that it kills anything good that could come out of the show later on. This PPV is so completely backwards and the show proves it. We sat through Foley vs. Punk and Cena vs. Ziggler here, but neither of those matches are happening on Sunday. They might have an idea where they want to wind up, but it’s clear they have no idea how they plan to get there.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – Rollup

Alberto Del Rio/Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton – Enziguri to Kingston

Big Show b. William Regal – Chokeslam

Kaitlyn b. Layla – Reverse DDT

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara/Justin Gabriel/Tyson Kidd b. Prime Time Players/Primo/Epico – 450 to Young

R-Truth b. Tensai – Little Jimmy

Ryback b. Brad Maddox – Shell Shock

Kane/Miz b. Rhodes Scholars – Chokeslam to Rhodes

John Cena b. CM Punk – Attitude Adjustment

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2010
Date: November 21, 2010
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

This is all about the Nexus with the main event of Orton vs. Barrett for the world title with Cena as the referee. If Barrett wins, Cena is free from Nexus. If Orton wins, Cena is fired. Other than that we’ve only got one Survivor Series match which is kind of a letdown but it could be worse. This is one of those shows that doesn’t mean much because of what happens the next night anyway so it’s hard to get into this in a way. This is one of the two Survivor Series I reviewed live so the grades should be interesting. Let’s get to it.

The usual opening video is the video that opens us. The idea tonight is Cena not wanting to compromise his integrity and give the title to Barrett when he doesn’t deserve it, but he doesn’t want to quit. A song about being what you believe plays over this.

US Title: Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase

DiBiase is challenging here because he wants to win his first title. Simple but effective I guess. Bryan has Rise of the Valkyries here which makes things all the more awesome but the lack of beard hurts. Maryse is with Ted here too and is rocking a beige dress. Bryan speeds things up to start and there go the lights. Daniel dropkicks DiBiase to the apron but as he goes to get Ted, Bryan gets suplexed out to the floor in a cool bump.

Back in and Bryan fires off the kicks. It’s so weird to not hear YES or NO whenever he hits…well anything actually. DiBiase hooks a chinlock to slow the champ down followed by a backbreaker and dropkick for two. Back to the chinlock as the fans are way into Bryan here. This one doesn’t last as long as Bryan fights up and speeds up the pace. There’s the moonsault out of the corner and a dropkick to send DiBiase to the floor. Bryan hits the suicide dive to the floor but he comes up favoring his shoulder. Why is that called favoring? It’s in worse shape than anything else so how is that favoring it?

They head back in and Bryan hits a missile dropkick for two and it’s time for more kicks. The LeBell (NO) Lock can’t go on because of the bad shoulder though and DiBiase clotheslines him down. Dream Street (Cobra Clutch) from DiBiase is countered twice so Ted hits a sitout spinebuster for two. Dibiase’s superplex is countered a belly to back superplex by Bryan but he still can’t get the LeBell Lock. A rollup gets two for Ted and Bryan grabs the arm for the LeBell Lock to retain.

Rating: C+. This felt like an extended Smackdown match but that’s not a bad thing. Bryan was still a pretty big underdog in a lot of his matches at this point but wins like this were exactly what he needed. DiBiase never got over in this role or really in any other either. He’s a guy who needs to change his name as he’s never going to get out from under his dad’s shadow and it’s crippling his career. Well that and WWE never putting him on TV.

As Bryan poses on the stage, Miz and Alex Riley (speaking of guys who need to be on TV more) jump him with the MITB case. Miz and Riley get in the ring but the lights go out again. Miz talks about how he’s from Cleveland and doesn’t like the Miami Heat that much. He compares Barrett to LeBron James because neither will ever be a world champion. The fans chant for the Heat and Miz says he’ll cash in soon. That’s true.

We recap Sheamus vs. Morrison. Sheamus is a bully, Morrison is sick of him. That’s it.

Sheamus says Morrison is jealous of him for being a former and future world champion because Morrison never will be.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison

Jerry tells a story of a guy in high school that kept taking everyone’s lunch money and picking on everyone he could but no one ever stood up to him. Striker: “Was his name Judas? (HUH?)” Jerry: “Actually it was Jerry Lawler.” Your lesson for the day kids: beat up other kids and treat them like trash and you could be a multiple time world champion and get a job on national TV every week and get into the WWE Hall of Fame. But you’d rather be a STAR right?

Cole says Morrison described this match as a tank against a fighter jet. Cole: “Of course Morrison the jet and Sheamus the tank.” What would we ever do without Cole? I’m not sure, but I’m going to go look into it. Anyway Morrison starts fast and dropkicks Sheamus to the floor followed by a corkscrew dive to take the pale one out. Sheamus sends him into the barricade and runs Morrison over with an ax handle.

Back in and we hit the chinlock as the fans aren’t all that into Sheamus at all. A backbreaker gets two for Sheamus and it’s back to a chinlock again, although this one has an armbar added in. Sheamus hits the ten forearms to the chest from a seated position instead of in the ropes. It’s always cool to see the evolution of a move like that. Sheamus puts him on the top and pounds away again but Morrison slugs Sheamus down to the mat. A cross body gets rolled through for two for Sheamus and John is in trouble.

The Brogue Kick misses and Morrison enziguris him down. Morrison is all fired up and hits some clotheslines for two but it’s hard to keep Sheamus down. Irish Curse stops the momentum but it only gets two again. The High Cross is countered into a Russian legsweep for two for Johnny. Sheamus goes after the knee to stop Morrison again. This match really is as back and forth as it sounds. No one has had an extended advantage for the most part.

Sheamus puts the leg over his shoulder and pulls Morrison forward to the mat in a cool looking move that I haven’t seen before. Half crab does more damage for Sheamus but he slaps Morrison in the face a few times to tick him off. John kicks him down but Starship Pain is broken up with ease. The High Cross is countered again and the Brogue Kick misses, allowing Morrison to hit the Flying Chuck and a running knee to the face for the surprise pin.

Rating: B-. These two always have this freakish chemistry that really doesn’t make a ton of sense but is always there. Morrison’s flying style was a great counter to the power stuff from Sheamus, and as usual the idea of power vs. speed works as well as anything else. Morrison would never hit a level that they were hoping for him to, while Sheamus would go on to win the world title at Wrestlemania in a few years. You never know what’s going to happen in wrestling, which is why it’s funny.

Watch Big Show’s movie! No one else has.

R-Truth continues to meddle in Cena’s business and offers to interfere in the main event tonight because you can only win by pin or submission. He offers to attack Orton and Cena will be guilt free. Cena yells at him for suggesting it.

Intercontinental Title: Kaval vs. Dolph Ziggler

Kaval is more famous as Low Ki and won NXT Season 2 to get any title shot he wanted. In his first win, he beat Dolph on Smackdown and picked to challenge for this title tonight. A quick elbow gets two so Dolph takes over with a forearm in the corner. There’s the Hennig necksnap and a mini AA for two for Dolph. A handspring elbow takes Dolph down and Kaval pounds away in the corner until a Vickie distraction lets Dolph take him down.

Kaval comes back with a handspring into a kick to the face in the corner which looked pretty awesome. Kaval goes up with his back to the ring, allowing Dolph to put on a sleeper on the top rope for some reason. Dolph gets knocked back and Kaval misses a big flip dive, allowing Dolph to hit the Fameasser for two. The sleeper goes on (on the mat this time) but Kaval escapes and is launched to the top rope where he springs off and hits a spin kick to the face in ANOTHER awesome looking move. Ziggler misses a charge in the corner and gets rolled up for two before Ziggler gets a rollup of his own with tights to retain.

Rating: C-. Kaval tried here but this crippled whatever he had as far as momentum was going. He would be gone before the end of the year and I can’t say I blame him. The match here was ok enough but the chemistry didn’t click at all. Also, why would you pick a match for the IC Title when you can pick whatever you want?

Jack Swagger doesn’t like the idea about being on Team Del Rio, because it should be Team Swagger. Jack says some stuff about the Spanish being spoken here because he doesn’t habla Espanol. Rhodes, who is still Dashing at this point, comes up and makes fun of Swagger’s shoes. Del Rio, who only mostly sucks at this point, says that he won a bet about Swagger getting interrupted. This goes nowhere.

Team Del Rio vs. Team Mysterio

Alberto Del Rio, Tyler Reks, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, Cody Rhodes

Rey Mysterio, Chris Masters, Big Show, MVP, Kofi Kingston

Team Mysterio is all in blue in a nice touch. The fans chant for MVP as he’s the hometown boy. The captains start things off but there’s no contact as Del Rio tags in Rhodes. We start talking about baseball (Striker: “Rickey Henderson may be the greatest baseball player of all time.” Cole and Lawler: “WHAT???”) as Rey hooks an O’Connor Roll for two on Cody. Cody comes back with a Disaster Kick and stomps away in the corner.

Here’s Del Rio again who gets caught in the corner and hit by a hard running dropkick. Off to MVP who hits a dropkick and ducks an enziguri in the corner. This was right around the time when he was getting good, but he would be gone in less than three weeks. Here’s Kofi with some bouncing offense but it’s quickly off to Masters. Lawler does his usual talk about the Clowns vs. Kings back in 94 as Reks and McIntyre take turns beating on Masters.

Drew’s middle rope jumps lands on a boot and Masters can tag in MVP. MVP suplexes McIntyre down and hits the Ballin Elbow, only to fall victim to the Ultimate Warrior/Rick Rude ending from Mania 5 (MVP suplexes Drew but Alberto hooks MVP’s foot and Drew falls on top for a pin). Masters comes back in again and hits a kind of Jackhammer for two. Del Rio avoids the Masterlock and puts on the Armbreaker for the submission to make it 5-3.

Here’s Big Show as the stopper for his team and Del Rio bails, bringing in Swagger. Swagger tries to wrestle him down and is immediately chopped in the chest. A kind of chop block takes Show down and it’s back to Del Rio. Show glares at him again and Alberto tags out to Drew, but before Alberto gets out Show knocks him out cold. With McIntyre down, Show slams Kofi down onto Drew for a two count. Apparently Alberto can’t continue and is eliminated. Cody comes in to face Kingston and Rhodes snaps when he gets hit in the face. He goes on a rant and heads to the floor to check the mirror on the back of his jacket.

Rhodes heads back in and gets hit in the face again. Off to Show who slaps Cody on the back and the KO punch makes it 3-3. It’s Kofi/Rey/Show vs. Reks/Swagger/McIntyre and Reks immediately clotheslines Show down in an impressive move. Swagger comes in to work on the leg and hooks the ankle lock. After nearly tapping, Show crawls over to Rey for the saving tag. Rey speeds things up but Jack kicks his head off for two.

Swagger drills Kofi on the apron before catching Rey’s 619 into the ankle lock. Mysterio rolls through the hold and makes the hot tag to Kofi who cleans house and hits the top rope cross body on Reks for two. Kofi misses a charge in the corner and gets caught in the Tree of Woe. After Kofi gets down, Reks charges into a double boot in the corner for the fast elimination. Swagger comes in almost immediately and catches Trouble in Paradise into the ankle lock to tie things back up. Kofi tapping is a weird sight.

Back to Big Show who uses that large body of his to run Swagger over a few times before Swagger has to lay down so Rey and Show can do the on the shoulders splash. McIntyre breaks up the big splash though and Rey is down. Rey gets placed on the top rope but headbutts Jack down to the mat. The 619 sets up that splash off Show’s shoulders to make it 2-1. Future Shock is countered and it’s a chokeslam from Show for the elimination.

Rating: B-. This was a fine Survivor Series match with both teams working well together. I don’t get the point in having Del Rio eliminated that early, but I guess it allows for Rey vs. Del Rio to happen later on. The match wasn’t a classic but it worked well enough for what it was supposed to be. Decent stuff here and the fans were happy with the ending.

Randy Orton talks about how he’s tired of hearing all of the talk about Cena and Barrett, because tonight it’s either the RKO or the Punt to stop Barrett.

Divas Title: Laycool vs. Natalya

I miss Laycool’s entrance, if nothing else for how they look in the shorts. Laycool are the co champions here as both have belts in a story that wasn’t that interesting in the first place. The champs have to tag here and it’s Michelle to start. Natalya takes it to the mat early on and Michelle actually takes over with the amateur stuff. Off to the hometown heel in Layla who distracts the referee so Michelle can pull Nattie onto the floor.

Back in and Natalya supelxes both chicks at once but her back is hurt in the process. Michelle blasts her in said back on the floor, but Natalya shoves Michelle over the barricade. They all brawl at ringside for a bit before Natalya and Michelle head into the ring. McCool gets rammed into Layla and the Sharpshooter gives Natalya the title.

Rating: D. Here’s this whole feud in a nutshell: Natalya beat up Layla, then Natalya beat up Michelle, then Natalya beat up both of them at once. This wasn’t much of a match but it’s the kind of breather that you have to give the fans before you get to the big stuff later on. Laycool would be around for a few more months, but once they split they fell off the face of the planet all of a sudde.

Beth Phoenix returns to save Nattie from a double beatdown. This would set up a Divas tables match next month.

We recap Kane vs. Edge. Kane beat Taker in the Cell (Today is November 6, 2012 and that match is the last time Smackdown main evented a PPV to date) when Paul Bearer shocked no one and turned on Taker. Edge got this shot by uh……tall. I think he just got the shot because he was on a hot streak. Edge also kidnapped Bearer and tortured him and I don’t think has returned him yet.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Kane

Kane is defending here. Edge wheels out with an empty wheelchair to mess with Kane a bit more. Kane tries a quick chokeslam but Edge punches out of it. Kane sends him to the floor and Edge wheels the chair around a bit more to make Kane mad. A baseball slide sends Kane into the barricade before we head back inside where the Canadian takes out the Spaniard’s leg. He wraps the leg around the post and lays on it for a bit to make sure we don’t get excited.

Kane gets in an uppercut to take over and slugs away slowly. The Big Bald chokes away and yells about Bearer a bit as the fans aren’t really thrilled by this stuff. Granted I question how many fans know Smackdown exists still so it’s a fair problem to have. To really mix things up, Kane puts on a cravate and yells even more. A low dropkick gets two for the champion and it’s back to the trusty cravate. Edge finally gets up and hits a cross body off the top for two.

Kane slugs him down but Edge dropkicks him out of the air on the top rope clothesline attempt. A side slam gets two for Kane and he goes up again. Edge makes the stop but gets crotched and clotheslined down for two. Something resembling a DDT puts Kane down but Edge’s spear hits boot. There’s the chokeslam for two so Kane tries the Tombstone. Edge slips down the back and spears Kane down for the pin and no title, because all four shoulders were down and it’s a draw. Yep, that’s really what they did.

Rating: F+. The ending until the cover wasn’t bad, but other than that this was dull, slow and horrible. These two just did not work well together at all, so of course they had another title match on PPV. Horrible match here as Kane just stood around and held Edge by the neck for LONG stretches of time. Kane would accidentally kill Paul Bearer soon after this. Don’t ask.

Kane beats up Edge post match. Edge comes back and puts Kane in the wheelchair and sends him through part of the barricade.

Barrett tells Cena if he doesn’t help him tonight, Cena is gone. Apparently Nexus started in this building. Cena says he knows what he’s going to do.

Tag Titles: Nexus vs. Vladimir Kozlov/Santino Marella

Slater and Gabriel are the champions here and have Harris/McGillicutty/Otunga with them. Santino and Slater start things off and Marella gets to use some of the martial arts that Kozlov has been teaching him. Off to Gabriel and Kozlov who tags himself in. Remember that two years ago, Kozlov was in the world title match against HHH and now he’s here. That’s quite the fall. Gabriel dives at Kozlov and gets caught in a kind of spinebuster to give the challengers control.

Gabriel gets in a kick to take Koz down and Slater drops a knee for two. Back to Justin for a cravate and then a front facelock. Kozlov is about to get to Santino when Slater draws Cobra Man in. That’s some good old school tag stuff there and it’s awesome. Slater hooks a front facelock of his own but it’s a hot tag to Santino. He hits all of his usual stuff and loads up the Cobra, but the other members of Nexus distract him (not that hard really) and Slater hits the sleeper drop for the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. Nothing to see here that wouldn’t be on Raw on any given week. The tag titles were absolutely nothing at this point but then again that could go for any show for a good six year stretch or so. It makes the current tag team resurgence look more impressive as they took it from nowhere to something decent, which is a big deal. The match here was fine but it was another breather for the fans.

Post match the challengers get beaten down again and the Anonymous Raw GM says if Nexus interferes in the world title match, they’re suspended indefinitely.

We recap Orton vs. Barrett. Barrett got the title shot I believe through winning NXT and got Cena to join Nexus through winning at HIAC. Cena hates it and somehow he gets to be the guest referee tonight. If he screws Orton over, he won’t be able to live with himself, but if he doesn’t screw Orton over, Barrett will fire him. This gets the music video treatment of course.

Raw World Title: Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton

Oh and you can only win by pin or submission. Feeling out process to start with Orton grabbing a headlock. A shoulder puts Barrett down and Orton fires away elbows and uppercuts in the corner. Cena finally does something and it’s correct procedure, but the fans boo because it’s against Orton. He goes the same thing to Barrett and Orton hits a dropkick to take over.

We head to the floor where Barrett hits a kick to the ribs to take over. Orton gets sent into the steps and punched down back in the ring. Barrett covers and gets a fair one count. We hit the chinlock for a good while until Orton fights back with his usual comeback stuff. The backbreaker gets two and Orton glares at Cena. Barrett gets in an uppercut and hits a top rope elbow for two.

Barrett hits his pumphandle slam for two and now Barrett glares at Cena too. This is pretty dull stuff so far. Wasteland is countered and there’s a Boss Man Slam (called a Black Hole Slam by Striker) for another close two. The fans do the usual pro/anti Cena chants as Orton hits the Elevated DDT. Barrett gets in a knee to the head and Wasteland hits, but Orton grabs the rope at two. I do love how the idea that Barrett could just win the title on his own is a completely non-factor. Barrett shoves Cena so Cena shoves him back, right into the RKO and the clean pin to fire Cena. Striker: “Cena’s free!” Cole: “Cena’s fired.” Striker: “Oh.”

Rating: D. This barely worked as the focus was entirely on Cena and the match was really dull for the most part. It was someone hitting a move that would be lucky to get two and then glaring at Cena when they didn’t get a pin off of it. Cena was “fired” as a result, but would of course be back on PPV the next month. I don’t think he ever missed a Raw. I like the moment with him counting the pin because that’s him being himself which is the essence of Cena’s character, but the match sucked.

Cena has no idea what to do post match. Nexus runs in and gets beaten down by the Super Best Friends. Cena hands Orton the title to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The main events sucked but the first half or so of this was fine. The problem with the main event here is the same problem that brought down the whole Nexus angle: Barrett never won the title. Without that, Nexus and Barrett in particular weren’t really big threats but rather guys that annoyed Cena for a few months until he beat them all. Besides, the next night Miz cashed in and won the title after Cena cost Barrett another title shot. This show isn’t really worth seeing but it’s not horrible.

Ratings Comparison

Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase

Original: B

Redo: C+

John Morrison vs. Sheamus

Original: B

Redo: B-

Dolph Ziggler vs. Kaval

Original: B-

Redo: C-

Team Mysterio vs. Team Del Rio

Original: B-

Redo: B-

Natalya vs. Laycool

Original: D+

Redo: D

Kane vs. Edge

Original: D

Redo: F+

Nexus vs. Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov

Original: D

Redo: D+

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: D+

I liked this one WAY better on first viewing. Then again I didn’t know what was coming for Nexus back then.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/19/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2010-when-did-orton-and-barrett-get-good/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2009
Date: November 22, 2009
Location: Verizon Center, Washington, D.C.
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Matt Striker

We’re in the final three of shows that actually exist as I’m writing this now. Tonight is a show based around the match that I’m sure you all know I love: THE TRIPLE THREAT! I mean, it’s not like you EVER see a triple threat and that it’s the most overdone gimmick match of all time which might as well be considered a regular match like a singles or tag match anymore and that you can barely go two PPVs without seeing one and that it follows the same formula in every single one of them! In case you’re stupid, I hate triple threats and both world titles are being defended in triple threats against a tag team. Let’s get to it.

We get clips from every Survivor Series for the opening video. They’re obsessed with the history of this show. Apparently the Survivor Series stopped existing outside of Undertaker after 1990. Who knew? In other words the clips of the shows stopped at 1990 and it was a regular video from there.

Team Miz vs. Team Morrison

The Miz, Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger

John Morrison, Matt Hardy, Evan Bourne, Shelton Benjamin, Finlay

Sweet goodness that’s a big disparity between the talents. We have one team where only one member is still in the company and he hasn’t been seen in ten months. Well Finlay is still in the company but he’s retired. On the other side you have four world champions and Drew McIntyre. Miz is US Champion here. McIntyre has only been around for about three months and Sheamus has only been on Raw less than a month. Morrison is IC Champion.

Bourne and Swagger get things going with Evan grabbing a quick rollup for two. Ziggler comes in for the Hennig Neck Snap and a modified belly to belly suplex for two. Back to Swagger who pounds on the back of Bourne and brings Dolph back in again, hooking a half crab on Evan. Bourne escapes and comes back with a rana out of the corner and a jumping knee to the face. There’s the hot tag to Matt (BIG pop) and a double elbow to the back of Ziggler’s head by Evan and Matt. The Side Effect sets up Air Bourne for the elimination of Ziggler, but McIntyre comes in immediately and Future Shocks Bourne to tie it back up.

Finlay charges in to fight McIntyre and hits that Regal Roll of his. Off to Sheamus and Striker goes oooo. They stare each other down but a Miz distraction allows Sheamus to Brogue Kick Finlay down for the pin. Matt comes in to pound on Sheamus but he walks into a powerslam for two for the pale one. Off to Miz who drops a leg and puts on a reverse chinlock. The Reality Check gets two and it’s off to a front facelock.

Hardy reverses but Swagger comes in and drops ax handles on his back to keep Matt in. Off to a chinlock but Matt counters into a sleeper, from which he drops Swagger onto the back of his head in a kind of neckbreaker. Hot tag brings in Morrison to speed thing up. Morrison gets sent into the post but avoids the Vader Bomb. After taking out Miz, the Flying Chuck (Disaster Kick) kills Jack for two as everything breaks down. The referee gets run over and once things calm down, Morrison hits a knee to Swagger’s chest and Starship Pain ties things up by eliminating Swagger.

Miz comes in and hits his running corner clothesline followed by a top rope double ax for two. Off to a quickly broken chinlock as it’s off to Shelton. That gold hair thing never did work for him at all. A Stinger Splash and a northern lights suplex gets two and Benjamin keeps knocking Miz away whenever Miz comes at him. A bridging German suplex gets two for Shelton as the original referee is being checked for a concussion. Sheamus breaks up a neckbreaker from Shelton and Miz hits the Finale to take out Benjamin.

Off to Matt vs. Drew as things slow down a bit. They send each other into opposite corners with Matt taking over via a neckbreaker and the yelling legdrop for two. Another neckbreaker puts McIntyre down but Matt goes up and misses a moonsault press. A second Future Shock (called a Kobashi DDT by Striker) gets a second elimination for Drew, leaving us with Morrison vs. Sheamus/Miz/McIntyre.

Morrison starts with McIntyre and pounds away in the corner as Striker quotes Jim Morrison lyrics. Drew sends him into the corner and it’s off to Sheamus for some double stomping. Off to Miz for some trash talk followed by a slugout. Morrison takes over but it’s quickly off to Sheamus to run John over. Morrison kicks all three heels down but the flying Chuck is caught by a Brogue Kick out of the air, followed by the High Cross for the final elimination.

Rating: C+. This was your typical Survivor Series match and hopefully it gives us the definitive ending to the feud between the captains. Morrison was the more athletically gifted guy, but Miz would go on to much better things. I’m not sure if it was more his talent or the complete lack of expectations for him, but Miz went miles ahead of Morrison soon after this. Sheamus would get the world title in less than a month.

Team Kofi talks strategy but Christian feels awkward among four people not like him. His partners are MVP, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth and Mark Henry. Christian says he’s the only one that’s….you know…..from ECW. The awkward responses ensue and Christian thinks they thought it was because he’s Canadian. Christian “raps” and mentions the race thing, drawing stares. Everyone eventually cracks up.

We recap Batista vs. Mysterio. They had been tag partners but Rey got pinned a few times. At Bragging Rights, Batista snapped and turned heel on Rey in one of the best heel turns in years. I love this turn because it’s so simple: Batista got tired of losing over and over and then, very calmly, he said he was going to rip Rey’s head off, and then he DID. Rey begged for mercy, but Batista kept beating on him and hurting him, turning him into a big, muscleheaded bully, which is one of the best kinds.

Rey Mysterio vs. Batista

That Booyaka song of Rey’s is growing on me. It’s fun to shout along with. Rey takes the leg out quickly and tries the 619 but Batista bails. Rey follows and is immediately slammed against the apron and Big Dave takes over. Mysterio tries to fire off some kicks but Batista clotheslines his head off to stop Rey cold. The Batista Bomb is escaped as is a powerslam and Rey goes after the knee.

Rey kicks Batista into 619 position but Batista grabs the legs out of the air but can’t hit the Bomb yet. Mysterio sends him to the floor for a seated senton but Batista shrugs it off. Back in and Rey hits a pair of 619’s to the back and the ribs and a third to the face. Another springboard seated senton puts Batista down and Rey goes up for the Eddie dance, only to dive onto knees. Batista kills Rey with a spear and there’s the spinebuster. The Batista Bomb kills Rey but Dave won’t cover. There’s another Bomb and a third so the referee stops the match.

Rating: C+. I liked this for the story it was telling and the match wasn’t all that important. This was cool to see as Batista let out some of his anger and didn’t have to get pinned by some stupid rollup or anything like that. Sometimes you need some violence and the destruction of someone instead of them being able to stand tall. Let the bad guy win once in awhile and let him look strong. Then when someone stands up to him and beats him, they’re a hero. For some reason, this never happens anymore.

Post match Batista brings in a chair and picks up a begging Rey. He hits a spinebuster onto the chair, but the key here is the look on his face. There is no emotion on it at all and it’s like he has to do this because it’s who he is. Awesome all around. Rey is taken out on a stretcher.

Orton doesn’t like his team. Punk doesn’t really want to hear it.

We recap Team Kofi vs. Team Orton. Orton was all evil and psycho so Kofi stood up to him. This resulted in what looked to be one of the best face pushes in a long time, as Kofi showed some AWESOME emotion and looking like a serious threat to take Orton down. He destroyed an Orton racecar and then got in a BIG brawl with Orton all over Madison Square Garden, culminating in hitting a Boom Drop through a table.

Unfortunately, the beginning of this saw Kofi miss his cue and make Orton look stupid, so guess what happened to Kofi’s push at the end of this program? Since, you know, months of awesome promos and buildup and crowd reactions should be thrown away for the sake of a three second error that no one remembers. The package easily edits it out here, but hey, EVERYONE remembers EVERYTHING that happens on Raw right? That’s why everything is recapped: so EVERYONE that remember EVERYTHING can remember it even better.

Team Randy Orton vs. Team Kofi Kingston

Kofi Kingston, MVP, Mark Henry, R-Truth, Christian

Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, CM Punk, William Regal

Christian is ECW Champion and I think that’s the only title in this. Orton starts thinking he gets to fight Kofi but Henry starts instead. Henry throws Randy into Orton’s corner where Henry beats up all four of them. There’s a bearhug as Striker says being a Rumble winner might help Orton with strategy here. Huh? What does a battle royal have to do with an elimination tag match? Anyway, Legacy (DiBiase and Rhodes) help their I think former boss out and it’s an RKO to eliminate Henry in less than a minute.

MVP comes in and Team Orton all bails to the floor. After the quick huddle outside, here’s Orton again to face MVP but Rhodes makes a blind tag to stomp away on him. It’s quickly off to DiBiase then Regal then Punk to stomp away until Punk hooks a chinlock. MVP fights up and hits a suplex that looked like it lacked contact before bringing Truth in. Truth does his backflip into the splits but Rhodes’ distraction lets Punk hit the GTS to eliminate the rapper.

Christian comes in next to face Punk and they trade basic stuff to start. Punk gets in a knee to the ribs and it’s off to DiBiase for a middle rope elbow which gets two. Christian tries the Killswitch but walks into a powerslam instead. Dream Street and the Killswitch are both countered so Christian kicks DiBiase in the ribs and hits the spinning sunset flip out of the corner to make it 4-3.

Regal comes in immediately and gets all fired up but gets dropkicked down. There’s the tag to Kofi and things speed way up. Kofi fires off punches in the corner and but Regal fires off some punches to slow Kofi down. Off to Rhodes for more punches and kicks before Regal comes in again. MVP gets the tag and hits the Drive By (running boot to the head) to take Regal out and tie us up at three each (Kofi/MVP/Christian vs. Orton/Rhodes/Punk).

Cody comes in with a top rope cross body but MVP rolls through it for two. Rhodes gets caught in the good guy corner and it’s Canadian time as Christian pounds him into another corner. Tornado DDT is broken up and Christian is in trouble already. Cody wraps his legs around Christian as things slow down again. Off to Randy again who hits a gorgeous dropkick for two. Off to Rhodes who misses a knee drop so it’s back to MVP. It’s more basic punches and the Ballin Elbow for no cover. MVP has to knock Orton down and gets caught in Cross Rhodes to make it 3-2.

Kofi comes in and rolls up Cody for a VERY hot two count before it’s back to Christian. The Canadian works on the arm before it’s back to Kofi with a springboardy shot to the arm as well. Christian and Kofi take turns on Cody until the Killswitch takes him out. This was simple yet effective. It’s down to Punk/Orton vs. Christian/Kofi which is a spiffy little tag match.

Orton comes in to face Christian and a right hand takes Captain Charisma down. Christian has to take Punk down off the apron but still manages to avoid the RKO and hit the Killswitch for two as Punk saves. Punk distracts Christian and it’s an RKO to make it 2-1. Kofi wants Orton but Randy tags out when he sees Kingston there. Punk and Kofi stare at each other a bit before slugging it out with Kofi taking over with some HARD forearms.

The GTS and Trouble in Paradise both miss and we’ve got a stalemate. Kofi hits a big dropkick and the SOS for two. Orton is walking around on the floor as Punk takes over. Off to a leg choke which shifts to a body vice with the legs as some time is killed. Kofi fights up but a splash hits Punk’s knees.

A falcon’s arrow gets two for CM but the bulldog out of the corner is countered with a belly to back suplex. Kofi goes up and after blocking a superplex twice, a top rope cross body gets a close two. An Orton distraction prevents the Boom Drop but Kofi reverses a rollup into the pin on Punk and immediately kicks Orton’s head off for the final pin and a BIG pop.

Rating: B. This took a bit more time than it needed but the ending was perfect. It made Kofi look like a STAR….and then he lost the next month to Orton and was back in the midcard immediately after, but this was AWESOME. The other eliminations didn’t mean much and this would have been better as a 4-4 match with about three less minutes, but great ending and I was totally into the Kofi push at this point.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

Hey look: the world champion is defending against a big time tag team. Jericho won at Bragging Rights and Big Show turned on Raw at the same show to get this spot. Taker is defending and he’s the only person I’ll call champion in this match even though JeriShow have the tag titles here. The challengers pound Taker into the corner with Show headbutting the champion a bit for good measure.

Taker comes back with a clothesline to send Show to the floor and goes after him instead of fighting Jericho in the ring. Odd decision but Taker is an odd guy most of the time. Taker fires away punches on the floor but Jericho pops up from out of nowhere and takes out the champ’s legs. Taker is stuck in the timekeeper’s area so the challengers lift him out of it to throw him back inside to hammer away.

Jericho misses a charge and Taker pounds away on Show before clotheslining him down. Show heads to the floor and Jericho gets beaten up for awhile but the big bald guy pulls the champ to the floor. Taker is all cool with that though and posts Show before getting crotched when attempting Old School on Jericho. Chris superplexes him down but Taker gets the knees up to block the Lionsault. Jericho counters the counter and puts on the Walls, but Show breaks it up with a chokeslam.

A chokeslam to Taker is countered into a DDT and all three guys are down. Jericho tries to cover both guys but can only get two before being launched to the floor by Big Show. Taker wins a slugout with Big Show and they both grab chokeslam grips, but it’s Jericho with a belt shot that takes Show down, possibly by mistake. Taker loads up the Last Ride on Jericho but a belt shot to the head knocks out the champion but only for two seconds. Jericho mocks the Undertaker for some reason and tries a Tombstone. Unless your name is Kane, WHY WOULD YOU TRY THAT ON UNDERTAKER???

Taker counters it but Show knocks him out. Jericho saves the pin and tries a Codebreaker on Big Show, who is like boy please. A knock out punch puts Jericho down as Taker is getting back to his feet. Show calls for the chokeslam but Show pulls him down into the Hell’s Gate for the submission to retain.

Rating: C+. This is one of those matches that went fine but you could have called most of the match the entire way through. Was there any doubt that Taker was going to keep the belt here and that the partners would turn on each other? That’s the problem with these kind of matches: they never take risks on the endings so it’s the same stuff over and over again.

The survivors of Team Miz (Miz, McIntyre and Sheamus) brag a bit. They all claim to be the future.

Team Mickie James vs. Team Michelle McCool

Michelle McCool, Layla, Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, Alicia Fox

Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Melina, Gail Kim, Eve Torres

Michelle is Women’s Champion and Melina is Divas Champion. I’m not sure if this is before of after Laycool was making fun of Mickie for being “fat”. Kelly and Layla get things going and it’s not pretty from the start. They are but the wrestling isn’t quite so smooth. Layla hits some dropkicks to the back but Kelly comes back with a legdrop to the back of the head (not the K2 but a regular legdrop) to get the quick elimination.

Off to Gail vs. Michelle and it’s a quick Faithbreaker (Styles Clash) to eliminate Kim. Seriously it’s that fast. Off to Eve vs. Jillian with the singer taking over with a cartwheel splash. After some uninspired stuff, Eve pins Jillian with a top rope sunset flip and is immediately pinned herself after the Glam Slam. A second Glam Slam pins Kelly and it’s down to Mickie/Melina vs. Beth/Michelle/Alicia. Mickie comes in to fight Beth and after some forearms, a crucifix gets rid of Phoenix.

Alicia comes in next and things slow WAY down as Beth was the only girl in there that was going to be able to beat Mickie. A northern lights suplex with a GREAT bridge from Alicia gets two but Mickie backflips up from the mat into a front chancery. It’s quickly broken up but it looked awesome. Mickie comes off the middle rope with a Thesz Press for the pin to make it 2-1.

Michelle comes in and stomps on Mickie before hooking a chinlock. Mickie comes back with a forearm to the face and both chicks are down. James can’t quite make the tag so Michelle slams her down for two. There’s the hot tag to Melina who goes nuts but gets no response. Michelle suplexes her down but she puts Melina over her shoulders and gets caught in a sunset flip for the final pin.

Rating: D-. This was worthless. As in there was no value to this whatsoever. The sex appeal is going down too as most of the girls are more covered up than they were in the previous years, and when you have bad wrestling with a lack of sex appeal, the Divas matches go way down in value. The crowd didn’t care at all here either.

Batista liked hurting Rey.

No recap video for the main event, but there’s no need for one. It’s the same story as the other world title match minus the Bragging Rights parts.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Shawn Michaels vs. John Cena

Cena is defending of course. The bell rings and Shawn superkicks HHH to the floor. Cena’s reaction is great as he never saw that coming and I don’t think most people did either. The replay screws it up by showing a good three inches between Shawn’s boot and HHH’s face, but that’s normal anymore. Cena tries a fast clothesline on Shawn but gets caught in a neckbreaker instead.

John comes back with a release fisherman’s suplex but Shawn chops away in the corner. Shawn gets kicked onto the top rope where Cena tries the AA but Shawn counters into something that most resembled a DDT for two. Shawn goes for the knee and the fans think Cena sucks. There’s a Figure Four (wrong leg but Shawn is a Flair disciple) on Cena but John turns it over to escape.

Back to their feet we go and Cena’s leg seems perfectly fine. He hits a pair of shoulder blocks but a third misses and he falls to the floor. Shawn loads up the announce table as HHH is still out cold apparently. Cena pops up to try an AA through the table but HHH saves, only to hit a big spinebuster to send Shawn through the table. Back inside we have HHH pounding away on Cena as Striker CANNOT SHUT UP. He talks about how HHH is the ace of spades and all kinds of other terms that either go over most peoples’ heads or MAKE NO FREAKING SENSE. Call him HHH and be done with it you nitwit.

HHH hits a neckbreaker for two on Cena but a Pedigree attempt is countered into a slingshot into the corner. They slug it out with Cena taking over and hitting a shoulder to take over. There’s the ProtoBomb but as Cena goes for the Shuffle, here’s Shawn to send him into the post. It’s time for DX to explode and Shawn takes over early with an atomic drop and some chops. HHH comes back with a knee to the face but Shawn hits the forearms and nips up.

The nip up doesn’t do much good though as he is immediately caught in the spinebuster, but like Cena he escapes the Pedigree. Shawn goes up but gets crotched by Cena who goes up as well, only to miss the top rope Fameasser. Shawn hits the top rope elbow on Cena but HHH sends Shawn to the floor. There’s the STF on HHH as Cena doesn’t seem interested in selling at all in this match. As HHH is about to tap, Shawn comes in and hooks the Crossface on Cena to break the hold.

Cena pulls up from that into an AA attempt but Michaels slips down the back, only to get caught in the STF. Shawn FINALLY gets the rope and pops up to superkick Cena down. HHH charges in and takes another superkick, only to fall on Cena for a VERY close two. Cena hits an AA on HHH as Shawn gets back in after falling out after the two kicks. They both crawl for the cover and both get a two at the same time. All three guys try finishers on each other (including a piledriver attempt from Shawn) before Shawn superkicks HHH again but gets AA’d onto HHH for the pin by Cena to retain.

Rating: B. Good solid match here and WAY better than the previous one. Cena’s selling here was really surprising though as he’s not one to pull something like that. Other than that the finishers being used so often got a bit annoying, but the match felt like a big battle where anyone could have won, which couldn’t really be said about Show vs. Jericho vs. Taker. Good stuff here.

Cena signs some autographs for National Guard members to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This is a pretty good show but overall, it’s kind of underwhelming. The show mostly felt like it came and went and if the show happened that’s fine but if it didn’t exist that would be fine too. The triple threats didn’t work either although the main event was definitely a solid match. No need to see this, although it was good show if that makes sense.

Ratings Comparison

Team Miz vs. Team Morrison

Original: B

Redo: C+

Batista vs. Rey Mysterio

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Team Kingston vs. Team Orton

Original: B+

Redo: B

Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho vs. Big Show

Original: C+

Redo: C+

Team Mickie James vs. Team Michelle McCool

Original: D

Redo: D-

John Cena vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: C+

Redo: B

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B-

That’s probably about as close as this is going to get.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/18/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2009-the-pg-powers-explode/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Turning Point 2012
Date: November 11, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Todd Keneley, Taz

This is the usually worthless PPV after Bound For Glory where we mostly have rematches from the biggest show of the year. You know, like Backlash before Vince decided that we MUST have a big show every month. The main event here is Hardy vs. Aries II in a ladder match which should be awesome. The other match is a three way for the #1 contendership between Styles, Storm and Roode, with the loser of the fall getting no shot until BFG 13. Let’s get to it.

Here’s Taz in the ring to open the show. He talks about how glad he is to work for a company that is trying to help Hurricane Sandy, so he brings out Buckethead (a radio DJ) and Bully Ray. They’re selling those Make An Impact t-shirts with the proceeds going to the Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief. Also they’re trying to break a world record for most people texting on a PPV with all of them texting to a number which will donate $10 to the relief effort. At least the Buckethead guy knows how to talk so this isn’t horrible. This ate up over five minutes but it’s a charity thing so it’s really hard to complain.

Now we get the opening video which is about the two aforementioned main events.

TV Title: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

No DQ because Magnus hit Joe with a wrench or something recently. Joe is defending in case you haven’t read all of my reviews as you should have. They fire off forearms to start with the champ taking over as we head to the floor. Magnus gets in some shots so Joe punches him in the face. After sending Magnus into the steps, Joe drops a knee for two back in the ring.

A running knee to the face gets two for the champ but Magnus hits him with a clothesline to take over. Joe is like screw that and kicks Magnus in the head in the corner, knocking him to the floor. Magnus grabs a chair (No DQ remember) and pelts it at Joe before the Samoan can charge. Back in and Joe shrugs off all the offense again and hits the snap powerslam for two. There’s an STF from Joe but Magnus makes a rope quickly.

The champ gets put in a pair of armbars but he easily escapes and hits an enziguri to take over again. Joe loads up the MuscleBuster but Magnus knocks him down and hits the top rope elbow for two. A Michinoku Driver puts Joe down and another top rope elbow gets two. I like that mentality: it’s an impact move, so why not do it again and again until it works? Back up and Magnus charges into the Rock Bottom out of the corner, knocking him out to the floor. Joe loads up a dive but this time dives over the top to avoid the chair. Back in and the MuscleBuster sets up the Clutch to retain the title at 12:29.

Rating: C+. Solid opener here with both guys looking good. At the end of the day though, it’s hard to buy Magnus as a legit threat to the title. This was a better match than BFG at least, but having it be No DQ made no real difference at all other than the chair shot, which could have been done by a few other things. Solid opener though.

Eric Young returns and says that a shark ate his phone. Apparently Aquaman got him cable on the bottom of the floor and he saw what happened. ODB says it’s cool and they kiss.

ODB/Eric Young vs. Jesse Godderz/Tara

The girls start but Tara tags out before any contact. Off to Jesse who gets rolled up and punched a few times. Off to Eric who does some basic stuff and hits a dropkick for two. Back to ODB for a Bronco Buster on Jesse, so Eric gets in the corner because he wants one of his own. Tara breaks it up and Jesse jumps Eric to take over. Jesse pounds away a bit and sweet goodness he just isn’t that good.

The heels hit a double Russian legsweep for two and it’s off to a chinlock by Jesse. Eric fights up and it’s a double clothesline to put both guys down. ODB is like screw it and pulls Eric over to his corner for the tag. Off to ODB who cleans house and hits The Bam on Tara for no cover. After a quick cheap shot from Jesse does nothing of note, ODB slams Jesse down and a top rope elbow from Eric gets the pin on 8:32.

Rating: D+. This was just a long Impact match. ODB and Eric have LONG outlived their shelf life at this point but at least they’re not on TV as much as they used to be, which helps a bit. Jesse is a guy who is a good heel because he’s annoying, but there’s NOTHING to him as far as wrestling goes.

We recap the Sting attack from Thursday.

James Storm talks about how tonight is going to be a Turning Point for someone. He’ll do anything to win.

X-Division Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Joey Ryan

For the life of me I still don’t get why Morgan is with Ryan. They actually show the video from Impact where Hogan banned Morgan from ringside. They can’t have a video about the match but we can see a clip of Hogan saying Morgan can’t be here which takes 40 seconds to get through? Ryan says Hogan is underestimating him and disrespecting him so he’s going to make the X-Division X-Rated.

Joey stalls to start as the first minute or so is a feeling out process. Van Dam takes over and hits a spin kick before putting Joey in the Tree of Woe. After a basement dropkick, it’s a monkey flip to send Ryan flying. Van Dam goes up but gets shoved off the top and out onto the barricade. A suicide dive keeps Rob down as this Keneley guy is really getting annoying. His voice isn’t serious enough and the constant chattering style doesn’t work.

A tornado DDT gets two for Joey as does the Mustache Ride (middle rope neckbreaker). Rob easily gets up and kicks Joey down to take over. Rolling Thunder and the standing moonsault get two each, as does a rollup for Joey. The stepover kick puts Ryan down and the Five Star retains the title at 7:45.

Rating: C-. Ryan is another guy that is far better on the mic and in the character department than he is in the ring. He’s got skill in the ring though and can do fine in a match like this one, which makes him a much better option than Godderz at this point. Granted it helps that he’s a wrestler and not a reality star that wrestles as well.

Morgan kicks Van Dam’s head off on the stage.

Joseph Park thanks Sting for the opportunity he’s getting a chance to fight Aces and 8’s tonight because of Sting.

We recap Park’s (or Parks if you listen to Hogan) issues with Aces and 8’s, which would be kidnapping and violent assault.

Doc vs. Joseph Park

Doc is Luke Gallows remember. Park is always amazing in this role given how inept he can make himself look. He tries single leg takedown but Doc just laughs at him. Some wild right hands miss Doc until one accidentally catches him, ticking the biker off. They head to the floor where Park does a lot of running but manages to send Doc into the steps. Back in and Doc loads up a studded belt around his fist but the referee takes it away. Then we stop, because it’s hammer time. That of course gets taken away and Park pounds away.

The next three minutes or so are just Doc beating on Park with basic stuff and there’s only so much you can say about punches. Park starts a comeback but gets hit in the head with the belt to bust him open. He goes into a rage and hits the Black Hole Slam before turning back into Park. Park grabs a chair to whack Doc in the back with for two, but that’s all he’s got as Doc chokeslams him down for the pin at 11:01.

Rating: D. This was WAY too long and that’s where it died. At the end of the day, the joke with Park has been going on for months now and the fans clearly get it. Once the fans get what’s going on, the joke stops being as funny, which means it’s probably time to pull the plug on it, or at least move things forward. The match was bad though as it should have been about five minutes shorter.

Post match Doc gets the hammer but Bully Ray makes the save.

Roode says that tonight he’ll prove that he’s the better man.

We recap the tag title match. Chavo and Hernandez won the titles in a threeway and tonight is the solo rematch.

Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez vs. Kazarian/Christopher Daniels

Chavo and SuperMex are defending. Daniels vs. Chavo gets us going with a feeling out process. Guerrero hits a quick hiptoss but Kaz jumps him from behind and the challengers double team to take over. SuperMex is like SCREW THAT IN SPANISH and hits a double clothesline to take over. A backbreaker puts Daniels down but the Frog Splash from Chavo misses to give the challengers control again.

Kaz and Daniels take turns working on Chavo’s ribs with Daniels hitting a middle rope kick down onto the stomach. A dropkick sends Chavo to the floor and it’s time for whatever the gangham style dance is. I have no idea what that is, nor do I want to know. In a cool move, Chavo sunset flips Kaz with the latter making a blind tag. As Chavo has Kaz down, Kaz grabs Chavo’s head so Daniels can get in a kick to keep control. Cool sequence.

Kaz comes back in and squeezes on the ribs a bit more before sending Chavo into the corner. Why are TNA buckles so much bigger than WWE’s? Speaking of turnbuckles, Chavo climbs up a few of them for a tornado DDT and brings in SuperMex who cleans house. A splash in the corner gets two on Daniels but Kaz breaks up the Border Toss. Two shots in the corner put Hernandez down but he comes back with a double springboard clothesline. A backbreaker puts Daniels on the floor and a big shoulder sends Kaz down as well.

The big dive by Hernandez is broken up by a Daniels Kick and the High/Low gets two. Hernandez hits a double suplex and Chavo dropkicks them both down with a single dropkick. Kaz takes two of the Three Amigos and Daniels takes all three. Kaz breaks up the Frog Splash with an enziguri so Hernandez throws Kazarian to the floor. STO puts Hernandez down and Daniels loads up a superplex on Guerrero, only to have Hernandez pull him into a Doomsday Device position. Chavo hits a cross body to take out Daniels and retain the titles at 13:23.

Rating: B-. Good match here but nothing great. The problem for the tag division right now is you only have these four guys and that’s about it. Even when Angle and AJ were teaming together it wasn’t anything close to a full on division. They’re running the risk of these matches being run into the ground, which is the worst thing they could possibly do. This was still good, but it’s a step below what they’ve done before.

AJ says it’s been a rough year for him with a lot of distractions that he didn’t want or need. It’s been almost three years since he’s been world champion, which is all he needs to get past Roode and Storm.

Bobby Roode vs. James Storm vs. AJ Styles

The winner gets the shot at Final Resolution and the person who gets pinned or submits doesn’t get a shot until BFG 13 at the earliest. I love that shot of looking down on Roode from the corner. It looks awesome. AJ immediately kicks Roode in the head and it’s one on one with Styles vs. Storm. After a few moments of feeling out, Storm hooks the rope to avoid the drop down/kick, but Roode pulls James to the floor. They slug it out a bit, but here’s Styles to dive on both of them in a classic AJ move.

It’s AJ vs. Roode in the ring now with the fans chanting for Roode. A knee drop gets two for Styles as Storm makes the save. Roode sends AJ to the floor but Styles guillotines Storm from the floor to slow things down again. Back in and Roode sends Styles right back to the floor again. The announcers speculate that AJ is off his game tonight. Beer Money explodes for the first time since…..last month? The Cowboy gets two off a neckbreaker and an enziguri puts Roode down.

AJ is back in now as this is really fast paced so far. Roode rolls to the floor and AJ fires off kicks to the leg of Storm. Off to a Figure Four but Styles lets it go to knock Roode down. AJ hits a knee crusher and it’s off to the Indian Deathlock with a chinlock. That move always looks freaky. Roode gets knocked to the floor again as Storm counters the Clash into an Alabama Slam for two.

Roode comes back in and breaks up the Eye of the Storm, followed by hitting a DDT on Storm for two. Roode takes his time and beats on both guys, sending AJ to the floor and hitting the Hennig neck snap for two on Storm. On the floor, AJ gets sent HARD into the steps knee first. Back in, Storm hits a Codebreaker to break Roode’s momentum but AJ breaks up the Last Call.

Storm is knocked to the floor so AJ pounds on Roode in the corner. A tornado DDT (that’s a popular move tonight) is shoved off by Roode and Beer Money reunited for a few seconds for a double suplex on Styles. They tease the Beer Money pose but both guys jump each other with Storm taking over. Roode goes up top but AJ jumps up to rana him down. The backflip into a reverse DDT gets two on Storm and everyone is down.

A Blockbuster from Roode gets two on Storm but Styles hits the Pele to put Roode down. Storm goes to the floor as AJ misses the springboard 450. A spear by Roode gets two on Styles and there’s the Crossface by Roode. That’s easily countered and Roode hits a Rock Bottom to the shock of the announcers for two. The spinebuster looks to set up the fisherman’s suplex, but Storm comes back in and hits a Backstabber on Bobby and the Last Call on AJ for the pin and the title shot.

Rating: B-. Considering this was the second biggest match of the PPV, the stakes of the match and the talent in there, this was kind of disappointing. It came off like any other triple threat, which is the problem with TNA running them all the time, especially for title shots. The loser not getting a shot was a nice touch, but the match itself didn’t work all that well for me.

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D-Von talks about how his turning point was at Bound For Glory when he was revealed as part of Aces and 8’s, which was a group of men that care about him. Angle was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was just business.

We recap Angle vs. D-Von. D-Von was revealed as the first member of the team and then one night on Impact, Aces and 8’s beat up Angle as a show of power. Tonight is the revenge match.

D-Von vs. Kurt Angle

D-Von is here alone. We stall for a good while before the bell as D-Von won’t get in the ring to fight Angle, which is probably a good idea. After wasting about two minutes, D-Von gets in and uses his wide array of punches to take over. D-Von hits his shoulder block to put Kurt down but Angle suplexes D-Von in return. The momentum doesn’t really build though as Kurt misses a charge into the post and we head to the floor.

That goes nowhere so we head back in for the D-Von spinning back elbow for two. Off to a chinlock as this is exactly what you would expect so far: D-Von is using really basic stuff because that’s about all he’s good at on his own. When he’s facing Kurt Angle, that’s hard to buy as an effective offense. Taz goes into a way too long explanation of how D-Von and Doc wear the same belt but we can’t see it because D-Von’s shirt is out.

Anyway, Angle hits a missile dropkick and a flying forearm to put D-Von down followed by a belly to belly for two. The Angle Slam is escaped and D-Von clotheslines Angle down. D-Von goes up for the swan dive but Kurt runs up the ropes and hits a belly to belly superplex off the top for two. The ankle lock goes on but D-Von kicks him away and hits a Rock Bottom for two. They botch a powerbomb counter and Kurt rolls some Germans for two.

Angle goes to the corner for what would have been a moonsault that Rey Mysterio in his prime would have had issues hitting. D-Von powerbombs him out of the corner to prevent Kurt from having to try it but it only gets two. D-Von is limping around badly because of the ankle lock so at least the selling is good. The swan dive misses but the Angle Slam only gets two. Seriously? D-Von gets to kick out of the Slam? Aces and 8’s surround the ring and D-Von spears Angle down for two. Not that it matters as the ankle lock gets the submission out of nowhere.

Rating: D+. It’s D-Von vs. Kurt Angle. Seriously that should up everything you should need to know about this match. There is no way on earth you can validate D-Von as a realistic threat to Kurt Angle. D-Von does not have the skills to hang in a nearly fifteen minute match with Kurt Angle and that’s all there is to it. That makes the match very dull and shows the need for a main event level guy in Aces and 8’s.

Angle immediately bails to the floor as the bikers hit the ring. Doc yells at Kurt that he’s next.

AJ has nothing to say and leaves.

Austin Aries says tonight is the final chapter in the Jeff Hardy Saga and it ends in tragedy. Tonight Aries is going to shove the stacked deck down everyone’s throats because Jeff isn’t going to have his fans in the ring to help him tonight. Solid angry promo here.

Main event recap. Hardy won the BFG Series and beat Aries for the title last month. Aries turned heel before the match because he hated the way the crowd responded to Hardy but not him. Tonight’s rematch is a ladder match.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries

Both Hardy’s vanity belt and the regular world title are above the ring. Jeff is listed at 234lbs in the Big Match Intros after being listed at 215 on the tale of the tape graphics. If Jeff is 234, I’ve got a chance at being Miss America this year. Aries wisely goes to the floor and reaches for a ladder but Hardy goes out to stop him. Why do that? You’ve got the high ground and you have to get a ladder anyway.

Aries pounds away in the ring and beats on Hardy in the corner before the ladder is in the ring yet. Aries gets knocked to the floor where there’s a ladder laying on the ring. Hardy dives onto Aries and might have hit his knee on the ladder on the way down. Aries gets sent into the steps and there’s Poetry in Motion against the barricade. Jeff slides in a ladder but Aries literally climbs over Jeff to stop him. Something like a Russian legsweep off the ladder by Aries puts both guys and the ladder down.

The ladder is set up like a bridge between the ring and the barricade and it’s Jeff being placed on it by the challenger. A slingshot elbow onto Jeff onto Hardy has Aries in control, as does a knee drop. Aries goes up the ladder in the ring but Jeff miraculously pops up and makes the save. Jeff stands the ladder upside down and they fight over a suplex onto the bars that hold the ladder up. That goes nowhere for either guy so Hardy tries a cross body which hits ladder. Aries slingshots down onto the ladder to crush Hardy even more.

Austin pulls in another ladder as the first one fell to the floor. Hardy falls with it so Aries hits the suicide dive to send Jeff into the barricade. In a cool spot, Aries ties Jeff in the ladder and puts the steps on top of the ladder to hold Jeff in place. As Aries goes up the ladder, Jeff crawls under the ring and gets in on the other side and climbs the ladder. Aries shoves the ladder out and Jeff lands on his head and shoulder. And people wonder why he’s a drug addict.

Naturally he’s ok enough to climb up with Aries at the same time but the ladder is too wobbly for Aries to climb. By that I mean there was no reason for him to not grab the belts so they had to improvise. Aries dropkicks Jeff into the ladder in the corner but Hardy escapes the brainbuster and armdrags Aries into the ladder. Hardy rides the ladder down out of the corner so he can splash Aries in a cool spot.

Jeff gets another ladder to climb but Aries dropkicks the ladder out again. Both guys are down now with Hardy looking a bit dead. The old ladder is on the corner so Aries dropkicks it into Jeff in the corner. There’s the brainbuster and Jeff is thrown to the floor. There’s a ladder on the corner again and Aries goes climbing. They slug it out on top of the ladder with Hardy hitting a cutter off the top in a cool spot. There’s a Swanton and Aries is out on the floor.

Hardy goes after the belts….and they rise higher into the air. Oh it’s not exactly the Higher Power but rather Aries has the controls for the belts on the floor. Jeff goes out onto the floor and pulls out like the fourth ladder. This is the big red one and it’s a double climb. They brawl on the top but they fall down onto the ladder on the corner. Both guys stand up on top of it and Jeff hits the Twist of Fate, sending Aries into the ladder and out to the floor. Hardy goes up and takes the belts down to retain. No music for some reason at first. Oh there it is.

Rating: B+. This was exactly what you would expect. I never quite bought that Aries had a chance at winning this, but sometimes that’s fine. The idea here is to have two small guys do a bunch of jumps and ladder spots and that’s what we got. It’s nice to see things like that every once in awhile, with no shock or twist. Just getting what you expect and that’s totally fine.

Overall Rating: C+. This was a bit less than I was expecting but it wasn’t bad at all. The problem with a lot of the matches here is asking “is that it?” A lot of the matches don’t really measure up with what you would expect from them, especially the three way. Still though, it’s a good enough first PPV after BFG and it was almost exactly what you would expect here. Decent enough show but nothing great aside from a solid main event.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Magnus – Koquina Clutch

Eric Young/ODB b. Jesse Godderz/Tara – Top Rope Elbow to Godderz

Rob Van Dam b. Joey Ryan – Five Star Frog Splash

Doc b. Joseph Park – Chokeslam

Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Top Rope Cross Body to Daniels

James Storm b. AJ Styles and Bobby Roode – Last Call to Styles

Kurt Angle b. D-Von – Ankle Lock

Jeff Hardy b. Austin Aries – Hardy pulled down both belts

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

So apparently on Raw (the reviews are coming.  Calm down) Heyman mocked Lawler for having a heart attack.  Why are people freaking out over this?Do you honestly believe Jerry Lawler wasn’t in on this the entire time and could have crushed this at anytime?  Watch some old Memphis stuff and tell me what happened on Raw isn’t tame.  Also, see what happens when WWE goes more adult like so many people are screaming for them to do?  “THAT’S TOO FAR!  HAVE SOME TASTE!”  It’s almost like wrestling fans have no idea what they want and just go along with talking points.

Survivor Series 2008
Date: November 23, 2008
Location: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 12,498
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Jim Ross, Tazz

This is one of those shows that just doesn’t look that good. We’ve got three Survivor Series matches, a casket match between Undertaker and Show, and the two title matches. It’s the title matches where things get shaky. First of all there’s Cena vs. Jericho. In Boston. With Cena returning from injury. Then we get to the infamous part of the show: the Smackdown World Title match.

On I believe the late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, as in like 2am EST, a story broke on WWE.com, saying Jeff Hardy, one of the guys in the title match, had been found in a stairwell. I want to emphasize that THIS IS ALL THAT WAS SAID. The backlash to it was strong, with some critics saying that it was tasteless given Hardy’s drug issues. Meltzer said it was the worst promotional tactic of the year. Maybe it was just me, but I had ZERO problem with this.

Hardy’s issues had rarely if ever been mentioned on WWE TV, the article said nothing about drugs or alcohol, and it was announced like two days later that it was a physical attack. I never thought it was a drug issue until someone mentioned it to me, and even then I didn’t buy it as it was broken by WWE.com at 2 in the morning before a PPV. But hey, since the guy had issues, we can never run any kind of angle with him right? Anyway, let’s get to it.

The opening video is the EXACT SAME THING it’s been for two years. Literally, they’re the same clips before we get to the stuff about the main events.

JR and Taz talk about the Hardy issue and say that ABC and TMZ picked up the story. I seem to remember that being a lie.

Team HBK vs. Team JBL

Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, Cryme Tyme, Great Khali

John Bradshaw Layfield, The Miz, John Morrison, Kane, MVP

I think you can figure out the feuds yourself here. MVP and Mysterio get things going as all of the commentators are talking at once here. MVP is in the middle of a massive losing streak that would result in a face turn and I believe the US Title. Rey hits a quick rana and a clothesline for two before it’s off to JTG for a double dropkick. JTG hits a HARD right hand but MVP gets in a shot to the ribs and hits the Drive-By (running kick to the side of the head) for the elimination. Khali immediately comes in and chops MVP in the head for the elimination to tie things up.

Kane comes in for the staredown of the giants and Khali clotheslines him down with ease. Khali slugs him down and easily breaks up a chokeslam attempt. There’s the chop to the head and Rey climbs on Khali’s shoulders for the splash and another elimination. Off to Morrison who speeds things up. We hear about how great Morrison is from Striker, but unfortunately that chick Melina screwed up his future. Mysterio hits a quick kick to the head and it’s off to Shad.

Now Cryme Tyme vs. Miz/Morrison was a feud ahead of its time: their internet shows got in an argument and a wrestling feud followed. Shad misses a charge into the corner and it’s off to Miz. Since Miz isn’t quite the worker he is at this point, it’s back to Morrison very quickly. Shad runs over both members of the tag team and powerslams Miz down before hitting another overhyped elbow. Miz pops back up and hits the Reality Check (backbreaker/neckbreaker combo) to eliminate Shad.

It’s off to Shawn who comes in via a slow, dramatic step. He gets to face the Miz, meaning that entrance was wasted. To the shock of almost everyone, Miz takes over and double teams with Morrison to work over Shawn’s back. JBL, the slimmed down version, comes in to pound away and drop an elbow for two. Back to Miz who pounds away at Shawn’s bad eye, busting it open again.

Morrison comes in again to crank on a headlock and send Shawn over the top. Why would you turn your back when you throw Shawn over the top rope? At least Morrison jumps him when Shawn skins the cat. A forearm puts Shawn down and Morrison nips up in a little jab at HBK. Morrison misses the top rope elbow and it’s a double tag to bring in Miz vs. Mysterio. Rey hits a springboard rana into the 619 and the top rope splash puts Miz out.

JBL comes in and hits a hard shoulder to take Mysterio down. The crowd is WAY into Rey here. The fans think JBL can’t wrestle. The correct chant would be “You can’t work a style we like because we think that flying around and using a lot of moves is how a wrestler’s talents are determined because we don’t know what we’re talking about!” Off to Morrison with a European uppercut followed by a backbreaker.

Rey gets in a kick to the face but it’s off to JBL to hook an abdominal stretch with the leg being cranked on at the same time. Once Rey escapes, JBL uses something you don’t often see: a big boot to the back of the head. Rey blocks a belly to back superplex and hits a moonsault press to put JBL down and bust open his lip. There’s the tag to Shawn who hits the forearm and nip up of his own (take that Morrison) to send Bradshaw to the floor.

Shawn dives out to take Bradshaw out and loads up the superkick to send JBL running away. With JBL running away from the kick, Shawn slides back in and beats the count by one second, meaning JBL is gone via a countout. Morrison tries to superkick Shawn but Shawn is like boy these boots are older than you and kicks Morrison’s head off for the final pin and 3-0 final score for lack of a better term.

Rating: C. This was fine but the ending was kind of anti-climatic. They were trying to save the Shawn pin over JBL which was a good idea as they would have a solid feud in the next few months which resulted in Shawn being JBL’s lackey because Shawn was poor. The guys other than the captains in this didn’t do much of note but that’s kind of the idea behind a match like this. Not bad but nothing great either.

HHH doesn’t think he needs to give his opinion on the Jeff Hardy situation. Either way, Hardy will be back. Instead it’s going to be Kozlov vs. HHH. The Game (Smackdown World Champion here) says tonight is Kozlov’s first defeat.

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall

Michelle McCool, Victoria, Maria, Maryse, Natalya

Beth is the captain of Team Raw and McCool is captain of Team Smackdown. They’re also Women’s and Divas Champions respectively. Santino is here with Beth because awkward romances are funny right? Mickie has her signature look down now and is very bouncy. For the sake of simplicity, only Michelle McCool will be referred to as Michelle. Beth and Michelle start things off with Beth controlling via a top wristlock. Michelle uses some decent chain wrestling to set up a dropkick to send Beth backwards a bit.

Maryse tags herself in and gets in a brawl with her own partner Michelle. Team Raw: “LET THEM FIGHT!” After the brawl is broken up, it’s Beth vs. Maria with Maria avoiding a charge and hitting a slow motion headscissors. Off to Kelly vs. Maria and hopefully this doesn’t last long. Victoria tags herself in and gets caught in a rana by Kelly for the pin. Kelly tries the same thing on Maryse for two so Maryse hits a backbreaker and gets the pin.

It’s 4-4 now if you’re keeping track and Mickie comes in while swearing a bit. A Thesz Press puts Maryse down and it’s off to Michelle again. They try to bridge into a backslide, fail miserably, and try again to a standoff. McCool hits a Russian legsweep for two and Mickie hits a clothesline for the same, but Maria’s save hits McCool on the save, allowing Mickie to hit the jumping DDT and pin Michelle. Mickie gets in an argument with Beth and gets rolled up by Maryse to tie it right back up.

Off to Candice vs. Natalya and they trade some rollups for two. Natalya busts out a Sharpshooter (it is the Survivor Series after all) but Jillian makes the save. Candice hits a spear for a quick pin on Natalya and it’s 3-2. For those of you keeping track, it’s Jillian, Beth and Candice vs. Maria and Maryse.

It’s Jillian vs. Maria with Jillian getting two off a Samoan Drop. Maria grabs a quick victory roll to eliminate Jillian and ten seconds later, Candice hits a northern lights suplex to put Maria out. Maryse hooks an inverted figure four on Candice and we’re down to one on one. Maryse gets in a few shots and a rollup but the Glam Slam gets the final pin very quickly.

Rating: D. As decent as last year’s was, this felt like your traditional Divas match. You had some decent workers but most of the girls are models who are there because of how they look in swimsuits. I’ve seen worse matches and the right choice was the survivor, but this just didn’t work for the most part.

Matt Hardy says that Jeff was hit in the back of the head with a blunt object. There. Controversy over. I’m sorry you had to suffer for less than a day you whiny people.

We recap Undertaker vs. Big Show. Show isn’t scared of Undertaker so he’ll win the casket match tonight.

Undertaker vs. Big Show

Casket match if that wasn’t clear or if you’re an idiot that needs everything spelled out for you. The casket gets the full druid entrance. I wonder if those guys hang out at catering after this. Show took all of 2007 off and lost a ton of weight so he’s still kind of slim here. Well slim for him that is. They have a nice casket this year too. I don’t think the bell rang but Show starts throwing punches anyway. One misses and Taker tries to dump him into the casket to no avail.

They head to the floor and Undertaker’s headbutt has no effect. Show pounds away at the ribs and rams Taker face first into the announce table to daze Undertaker. The announce table gets loaded up but Show headbutts him instead of putting Taker on the table. Taker grabs one of those big monitors WWE uses (you would think they would have upgraded by this point wouldn’t you? They still use those things in 2012 I believe) and bashes Show’s head in a few times with it. Taker drops a BIG leg to put Show through the table in the big spot of the match.

Very slowly we start heading back to the casket but take a detour back into the ring instead. Old School is countered and things slow down again. There’s a side slam from Show as the crowd is a lot less interested than they were when Undertaker was on offense. The casket it opened and Taker is put inside, but Show has to close the casket himself. Since Show won’t close the lid, Taker comes back with a bunch of punches and the jumping clothesline. Show hits a big elbow in the corner to slow down Taker (and the crowd) again. For some reason Show loads up a Vader Bomb when Taker is half up and gets chokeslammed down.

The casket is opened again and a big boot to the side of Show’s head knocks him inside, but Show blocks the lid from being shut again. Back in and Show hits the chokeslam….then destroys the casket. Show starts walking away and there’s a wall of fire to stop him from leaving. Taker goes after him and gets punched down again, but here are more druids with another casket.

Show punches Taker a bit more and stands the casket up so he can ram Taker into it and knock both of them down. The casket is stood up again but it’s open this time. Taker punches Show to the edge of the stage before whipping Show into the casket, causing it to fall and shut to give Taker the win.

Rating: D. This is a horrible casket match by some people but it’s really not that bad. It’s certainly a bad match but the ending was kind of creative and what are you expecting from Taker vs. Big Show? They’re going to hit each other a lot and it’s going to be slow, so why do people act surprised when any match with either of these two or Kane is the same formula? Not a good match but it’s definitely not terrible.

Carlito and Primo hit on the Bellas but can’t tell them apart. In something I never thought I’d have to say again, the Gobbledygooker pops up and the Colons think it’s Charlie Haas, but of course he pops up in the room and the Gooker is played by the Boogeyman. This would be another pointless segment.

Randy Orton doesn’t want to be team captain but his team will win anyway. He implies Cody is the weak link of the team. Cody says that if Randy is eliminated first, it’s addition by subtraction. The team has to hold them apart.

Team Orton vs. Team Batista

Randy Orton, Mark Henry, William Regal, Cody Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin

Batista, Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, R-Truth, Matt Hardy

Shelton is US Champion, Matt is ECW Champion and Punk/Kofi are Raw tag champions. Yeah that didn’t last long. Punk immediately charges at Regal and hits the GTS for the elimination in about ten seconds. Shelton gets a very fast two on Punk before pounding away on his back. Off to Kofi who grabs a front facelock. Kofi is even more over here than usual as he went to college in Boston. Kofi tries a monkey flip but Shelton lands on his feet and brings in Henry to pound away all slow like.

Henry apparently gets tired after a few seconds so here’s Cody. Matt comes in, does nothing of note, and tags in Truth who pounds away. Striker talks about what a killing Truth is making as we can hear a lot of spots being called here tonight. I don’t know if the ring is mic’d loudly or what but you can hear all kinds of stuff here. Batista comes in and everybody runs until it’s only Cody left to face him. Ok make that Shelton actually. Batista takes him down with ease and gets two via a powerslam. Off to Matt vs. Randy as things speed up. A bulldog gets two for Matt but a moonsault misses.

It’s off to Henry who lost the ECW Title to Hardy a few months ago. Cody comes in and chokes a bit but there’s the double tag to Truth vs. Shelton. A victory roll gets two for Truth and he does his backflip into the splits spot. The spinning forearm misses completely and Paydirt (the same move Truth now calls Little Jimmy) gets the pin for Shelton. Kofi immediately comes in with a springboard cross body for two and a dropkick to put Shelton down.

The Boom Drop gets another two for Kofi but Henry blasts Kofi in the back of the head. Henry comes in legally now for more quick pounding and it’s finally off to Orton. Orton does his really slow stomp but the knee drop misses. Randy drapes him over the top rope and hits the Elevated DDT for the elimination. Punk is immediately waiting on Orton as Randy is the guy that cost Punk the world title at Unforgiven. Orton gets beaten up for a few moments but gets in a rake to the eyes and tags out to Cody.

Rhodes works on the arm for a bit but gets caught by the knee and bulldog combo for two. Punk goes up but Manu (the other member of Legacy who kind of sucked) distracts him long enough for Cody to shove him off the top. A DDT eliminated Punk quickly and we’re down to….4-2 I think? It’s Batista/Matt vs. Orton/Cody/Henry/Benjamin. Matt comes in and hits a quick Side Effect for two on Rhodes but it’s quickly back to Henry. Matt hits an elbow to the back of Henry’s head and manages to pull off the Side Effect for two. That’s about it for Hardy as the World’s Strongest Slam takes him out, leaving Batista all alone.

Big Dave immediately spears down Henry to make it 3-1 as Shelton comes in. Benjamin gets caught in a spinebuster almost immediately and the Batista Bomb gets is down to 2-1. Cody comes in and peppers Batista with some right hands before charging into a boot. Batista powerslams Rhodes down and says Orton is next. Batista hits the Bomb on Rhodes but Randy made a blind tag while Cody was in the air. The RKO gets the elimination and win for Rhodes and Orton.

Rating: B. This was a kind of throwback to the old school Survivor Series matches where the numbers finally caught up with the big face and he got beat. Orton vs. Batista was one of the big matches that WWE never really got to do on the scale I think they were hoping for. They would have a long match next month at Armageddon but that’s hardly the second main event at Wrestlemania which they were capable of having. Still though, good stuff here and the best match of the night by far.

Kozlov says he’ll win.

Hardy is officially out of the title match tonight.

The recap video is pretty pointless now because the video is mostly about Jeff. Kozlov is here because HHH wanted to have some big epic match with him that no one but him was interested in. Jeff is here because he keeps getting so close to winning the title so EVIL Vickie wouldn’t let him in the match. Jeff invaded the contract signing and beat up a lot of people until he was put in the match.

Then HHH decided he didn’t want to put Hardy over for the title so we needed a transitional champion, which is why the stairwell thing happened. HHH is kind of a jerk like that.

Smackdown World Title: Vladimir Kozlov vs. HHH

After the big match intros we’re ready to go. The fans chant USA of course and for once it’s actually appropriate. Kozlov, the amateur wrestler/combat sports expert, takes it to the mat with amateur stuff. Now remember that, because it’ll become important later. HHH gets on the mat with him and hooks a headlock. The fans now chant boring as we hit a standoff. Now they want Hardy. Well to be fair they only paid for him, so why should HHH not wanting to drop the title matter?

They trade arm holds on the mat and then trade even more arm holds on the same mat. Back up and HHH hits the high knee and a facebuster followed by the DDT for no cover. The fans chant for TNA before HHH hits the spinebuster. Kozlov counters the Pedigree and hits the headbutt to the chest to take HHH down. Vlad sends HHH into the corner and out to the floor where very little happens.

Back in and a fallaway slam gets two for the challenger and he fires some shoulders to the ribs. A powerslam gets another two and it’s off to a body grip to slow things down even more. Kozlov hits a pair of backbreakers for two and it’s back to that grip. HHH comes back with some right hands but gets powerslammed down for another two. A comeback by HHH is countered into a belly to belly as Taz says Kozlov is going to win, further dooming him to lose. HHH hits a Pedigree out of nowhere and here’s Vickie.

She says he’s here and makes it a triple threat, with the third man being the returning Edge. Edge does the psycho eyes on the way to the ring and I think a cameraman fell off the ramp as he was filming. Edge spears down HHH and here’s Jeff Hardy to destroy the Canadian. His chair shot hits HHH though, allowing Edge to steal the pin and the title.

Rating: D. There’s a lot to say here. First and foremost, as usual I disagree with his highness Dave Meltzer, who said this was the worst match of the year. It’s arguably not even the worst match of the show, but think about this for a minute: are you telling me there isn’t some terrible Divas match somewhere in the year worse than this? Or that Honky Tonk Man vs. Santino at Cyber Sunday was indeed better? He gave worst match of the year to Hardy vs. Sting in 2011, so apparently length doesn’t mean anything.

This match was indeed bad, but let’s think about this for a minute. Kozlov is supposed to be a combat sports expert and an amateur wrestler. So what did he do? HE WRESTLED LIKE HIS CHARACTER IS SUPPOSED TO! Now was it boring? Absolutely. Was it a REALLY stupid move to put him in a world title match? Absolutely. Were the fans interested? Not at all. If you want proof, back at Cyber Sunday the options for the title match were HHH vs. either guy, or a triple threat. The results were as follows:

Hardy – 57%

Triple Threat – 38%

Kozlov – 5%

Based on that alone, it’s clear that almost no one wanted to see HHH vs. Kozlov. The interest just wasn’t there, so they booked a triple threat instead which there was interest in. Then they screw the fans out of their money by taking Jeff out of the match because of whatever their reasoning was. Then they flip the fans off AGAIN by having Hardy run in at the end. Hardy would pin Edge in another triple threat the next month to win the title in a shocker. Why this match didn’t happen here is beyond me, but again it’s screwing the fans out of what was advertised until the night before the show.

At the end of the day though, no one bought Kozlov as a real threat to the title. The guy just wasn’t going to be WWE Champion with the response he got, which is why Hardy was the interesting factor in this match. Without him, you have twelve minutes of your time being wasted until the ending, which SHOULD HAVE BEEN HARDY. Anyway, nothing to see here but it’s not the worst match of the year.

We recap Jericho vs. Cena. Jericho snuck into the Scramble match last month and stole the world title while Cena was on the shelf. Tonight, Cena returns from a neck injury to challenge for the title. In his hometown. Against a guy that has literally only beaten him once. And we’re supposed to expect Jericho to have a chance because we’re supposed to ignore all that stuff.

Raw World Title: Chris Jericho vs. John Cena

Cena almost immediately tries the FU but Jericho bails to the apron. Jericho comes back with a headlock which works on the neck followed by a shoulder block to take Cena to the floor. John holds his neck a lot and looks shaken. Back in and Cena pounds away in the corner as they’re hitting hard but the pace of the match is pretty slow if that makes sense. Jericho takes over and things continue to go slowly.

Cena comes back with the Throwback and goes up for the Fameasser but comes down because that’s the move that hurt his neck in the first place. Jericho takes over again and things go slowly. He kicks Cena in the side of the head which is good for a nine count from the referee. Back in and Cena slugs away but gets sent right back to the floor. Jericho throws him into the steps and heads back in for a neck crank.

After the hold is broken, it’s time for more choking followed by a full nelson. The hold lasts almost a minute and a half but Cena blocks the bulldog. A shoulder puts Jericho down but the second shoulder hits. Jericho misses the Lionsault but the Shuffle is countered into the LIONTAMER! Cena escapes the hold so Jericho puts on the regular Boston Crab instead. Cena (as in the hold lasted a minute plus) grabs the rope to escape. Back up and Cena hits an FU out of nowhere but can’t follow up.

Both guys head up to the top with Cena slamming him to the mat, followed up by the top rope Fameasser. Cena is all fired up now but Jericho breaks up the FU and hits a Codebreaker for a delayed two. Jericho takes over and hits a clothesline followed by an EVIL smirk. He smirks a bit too much though and Cena grabs the STFU. Cena has to try to pull the hold back to the middle of the ring and Jericho kicks him away. The champ tries a small package but Cena pulls him up into the FU for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. The match itself was fine, but there was less drama in this than in a Donald Duck cartoon. At the end of the day, Cena does not lose to Jericho and he does not tap out no matter what. The wrestling was fine and it told a story and all that jazz, but I’d rather have a main event where I wasn’t sure what was going to happen than a match being designed for Cena to have everything come together and win and then everything coming together for Cena to win.

Cena celebrates to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been doing so many of these lately, but this wasn’t the most interesting show in the world. It was dull at times and almost felt like a chore to sit through. The first hour or so is WAY worse than the rest of the show, but even the last two thirds aren’t all that great. This didn’t work that well and it’s not something I want to see again.

Ratings Comparison

Team HBK vs. Team JBL

Original: B+

Redo: C

Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown

Original: D-

Redo: D

Undertaker vs. Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Team Orton vs. Team Batista

Original: C-

Redo: B

Edge vs. HHH vs. Vladimir Kozlov

Original: D+

Redo: D

John Cena vs. Chris Jericho

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

I’ve flipped on the two male Survivor Series matches but other than that it’s about the same.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/17/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2008-let-jericho-beat-cena-once-just-one-time/

War to Settle the Score
Date: February 18, 1985
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 22,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund

This is the sequel to the Brawl to End it All and tonight we get real with it as Hogan defends the title against Piper. This is another one of those shows that was on MTV and helped launch wrestling into the stratosphere. It would have a third part in the trilogy. That was called Wrestlemania which I think you may have seen before. Anyway, this was also a full card which I have as well, so we’ll get to the famous stuff at the end. Let’s get to it.

Rick McGraw vs. Moondog Spot

McGraw was a head case apparently but that’s according to Roddy Piper so I’d be skeptical of it. The Moondogs were completely insane so I’m not sure who’s crazier here. You might remember McGraw’s name from Bret’s book as he was one of the first people in wrestling to die from an overdose. The referee has to hide Spot’s bone before we get started. Crowd is rather dead to start as you would expect them to be.

Gorilla can’t decide if McGraw is young or old for some reason. I think it might be because Gorilla was a bit out there at times. They really need to stop talking about where you hide your bone. It just doesn’t sound right although it’s rather funny. McGraw gets a dropkick and locks in an armbar to take over. According to Gorilla he’s fire hydrantish. If you grab him with a wrench and turn it he’ll spit out water? You can’t park in front of him?

Sunset flip can’t get Moondog over and he continues to control. They slug it out a bit and Spot hits a spin kick to the ribs which is about as random looking as you could imagine. Backdrop by Spot gets two but can’t get it to work again. We hit the chinlock for awhile before we hit the floor for awhile.

Gene thinks this is getting totally out of hand which is what he’d say no matter what was going on. McGraw Hulks Up and Spot gets tied up in the ropes. This match might be setting a record for backdrops. Slam gets two for McGraw. Spot goes up and gets slammed off ala Flair but the time limit runs out on a cover. This managed to get 15 minutes if you can believe that.

Rating: D+. I want to hate this match but for some reason I can’t. It’s not any good but it really didn’t suck. It was way too long and all that jazz, but the match really isn’t as terrible as you would think it is. I have no idea who decided to let them fight for fifteen minutes, but it went by fast which surprised me more than anything else.

Jose Luis Rivera vs. Johnny Rodz

Rodz basically trained half of ECW. This is one of the last vestiges of the old WWWF days where you had a lot of guys like Rivera that were there to give the Puerto Rican fans a guy to cheer for. The most famous example of this is the Italian favorite Bruno Sammartino. Rodz asks for an explanation of what constitutes an illegal strike actually. I got the two guys confused as Rodz looks Puerto Rican and Rivera looks Caucasian. Odd indeed.

They work the mat to start with Rodz grabbing an armbar. Basically a long feeling out process to start us off here. Rodz gets a nice seated dropkick which of course they don’t have a name for yet but this was far before we had anything like that. Rodz puts on a somewhat sloppy striking clinic here as he controls. I think he’s a heel but he’s not being booed at all really.

Granted the crowd isn’t doing much of anything. They pop when Rodz misses a cross body though and here comes Rivera. Rodz might kick more than Kaval does. He sends Rivera to the floor as he finally starts acting heelish. Rivera’s mouth is busted open and Rodz finally starts being all crazy like he’s supposed to be.

How has Rivera not been counted out? He’s been outside for like two minutes straight. Rodz takes a clothesline as we get the comeback. This needs to end soon as it’s getting rather boring. Rodz gets sent into the corner but Rivera misses a middle rope elbow. A running headbutt ends it with a face pop for Rodz.

Rating: D. Not as boring as the previous match but still pretty dull overall. This was about 80% punching and kicking which made it another chore to sit through for the most part. It’s not horrible or anything but it wasn’t interesting at all. That’s part of the problem with house shows back in the old days: it was really like an indy company so it’s hard to just jump in and care about these people.

Hillbilly Jim vs. Rene Goulet

I did this one already on Wrestling’s Country Boys. BIG pop for Jim. Andy Warhol is here as is Danny DeVito. Since this was shown later on the syndicated show, those cameos are awesome. Jim is wearing Hogan’s boots. Good thing they were the same size. Jim chases him away to start as we’re into stalling mode.

Long headlock by Goulet which gets him nowhere. Jim does that chest out pose of his which is always fun. He’s a character that always would work because he wasn’t ever treated seriously. He would probably get over today if he was treated the same. Big old headlock by Jim as Goulet has nothing but that’s his job as a jobber.

Basically this is a long squash as Goulet can’t do much at all but gets in jobber offense to take some control. He bites Jim which just ticks the big old boy off. Very basic offense with the biggest move being a headbutt sets up the bearhug for the easy submission. Post match Goulet goes after some fan at ringside. That fan’s name: Mr. T. Guess how that goes for the jobber.

Rating: D. Like I said this was a very long squash at nearly eight minutes. The fans loved Jim though as he was just big and fun. What more can you ask of him than that really? The match was bad but the fans were way into it and that’s all that matters at the end of the day.

Women’s Title: Lelani Kai vs. Wendi Richter

Moolah is with Kai so I’d expect some shenanigans here. Kai is a Hawaiian stereotype character of course complete with hula skirt. Cyndi Lauper is with Richter here. Everyone brawls to start and Kai beats up Richter to start. Standing on the fingers isn’t nice at all. Lauper’s manager, as in her actual manager, is on commentary here. The two girls collide and that gets them nowhere.

Kai gets a Boston Crab but Richter reverses almost immediately. Richter puts her in position for Shattered Dreams but uses a shoulder to the ribs instead. The outfits are confusing me here as the Hawaiian chick is in blue with white polka dots and Richter is in tan/brown colored stuff that almost looks like leopard print.

Kai is sent to the floor and she might have kicked Moolah in the head. Richter gets a surfboard which doesn’t work that well at all and doesn’t get her anywhere as a result. Richter is dominating here. You can tell there are a lot of similarities in the way these two were trained which was a major problem they had in this division in this era due to Moolah training everyone. Moolah chokes out Lauper, prompting Richter to go over for the save. A shot to the face lets Kai get a backslide for the pin and the title.

Rating: D. Pretty bad match here but it set up the fair rematch at Mania which for some reason is more famous than anything else they did even though it meant nothing at all in the grand scheme of things. Not much going on here at all other than again setting up Mania, even though the main part of that would be set up later in the show.

David Sammartino vs. Moondog Rex

David is terrible but is here because of his dad. Sammartino grabs a hammerlock to start which gets him nowhere at all. Gene is way too infatuated with that bone of Rex’s. Rex, who is built like a freaking tank, works the back and neck of Sammartino which is getting him nowhere for the most part.

There’s a bearhug by Rex and David is in trouble. You can tell a match isn’t that interesting when it was a 2 minute bearhug in the middle of it. Not always the case but more often than not it is. Rex gets a chinlock near the ropes which Gorilla says David won’t grab because “that’s not how he was raised.” What the heck? He was raised to sit there and take all kinds of punishment? Was Bruno a sadist?

David’s nose is busted. I bet that gives Bruno a slight erection. STIFF punch from Rex as he goes after the blood. David starts the comeback and they speed things up somewhat as I guess they’re running out of time. Yeah I’m right as David gets a pretty decent powerslam to get the pin to end this rather weak match.

Rating: D+. Again with the weak matches. This is another one that went nowhere at all and never was interesting in the slightest. I’m not sure who is booking this card tonight but they should be forced to watch it. Were they really that light on talent tonight? Granted no one cared except for the main event. Still though it’s another bad match in a pile of them.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Swede Hanson

We get the FULL Soviet national anthem for a change. Hanson was an interesting character as he was considered such a hard worker that even as a heel he got over as a face because he impressed people. He’s a redneck from the South which is odd given his name which would make you think European or something like that. This should be bad again.

Hanson is a big strong guy that wears the singlet like Andre did. It’s your standard big man vs. big man match without either really having much in the way of the talent department. They fight over a top wristlock and Nikolai takes a bite of Hanson. I’ve never had Swedish food but maybe it’s good. The fans chant USA which actually works here.

The announcers really need to stop calling him the Swede as it’s really confusing. Swede gets in a low blow and we look at some random chick in the front row in a yellow hat. Ok then. These two really like to lock up. You would almost think they’ve gone through their power stuff and are just filling time. Nikolai goes for a backbreaker but can’t get him up at all so Volkoff just falls on him for a REALLY awkward and clearly botched pin.

Rating: D. Can we please see a decent match? It doesn’t even have to be good, just an ok one would be fine. This was a power vs. power match but neither guy was incredibly good. Nikolai would hook up with Iron Sheik very soon to make a big tag team but until then he was stuck doing stuff like this. Another bad match.

Jimmy Snuka vs. Bob Orton

This is a precursor to Heroes of Wrestling. Snuka is roided out of his mind here. This is an offshoot of Piper vs. Snuka. BIG pop for Snuka. Snuka sends him in and almost puts Orton to the floor with the force of it. Amazing how much more into this the crowd is with someone they actually, you know, CARE ABOUT.

We get a headlock from Jimmy as they’re feeling each other out here. Snuka does the double leap frog that he was kind of famous for as the speed is way up here. Back to the headlock but this time on the mat. We get one of my favorite stupid lines ever from Gorilla: “This is a main event in any arena in the world.” You know, except for here where it isn’t the main event.

Orton hits the floor for a bit of air. I guess there wasn’t enough air elsewhere in the ring. Atomic drop takes Jimmy down as I guess his head wasn’t as hard as his balls. Wait scratch those balls and replace it with a head and put balls where head was. Yeah that should do it. Orton misses a top rope splash which he landed on his feet in anyway. Jimmy unleashes the martial arts of grunting and Orton is reeling.

It’s one sided now with Jimmy fully in control as he hits a backbreaker and heads to the corner. A headbutt (no splash???) misses and Orton gets out of the way. Orton charges at Snuka in the corner and hits his arm on the post, hurting his….HOLY CRAP IT’S THE ARM INJURY!!! This is easily the most famous injury in wrestling history, not healing for over two years. According to Orton it was legit hurt for that long and they just made it a gimmick, but I’m not sure I buy that. A sunset flip ends Orton just a few seconds later.

Rating: C+. Much better than anything we’ve seen so far tonight but still nothing classic. Great bit of history here though with that injury which I never realized happened here. These two were joined at the hip forever and luckily the matches were at least pretty good more often than not. Decent match and a breath of air for the most part.

Gorilla runs down the card so far in what sounds like a recap. Fink is running down a big list of names which I’d assume is for a battle royal or a lumberjack or something. Ah yeah it’s a lumberjack match. OH OK this is an ad for next month’s show. Mr. T. will be in Piper’s Pit next month.

Tony Atlas vs. Paul Orndorff

This should be decent. Orndorff is heel here. Atlas is HUGE. Gene says ouch has been called. Atlas beats on Paul with ease and pure power moves. Gorilla press but he just sets Orndorff on the top instead of slamming him. Tony gets his head rammed into the buckle and just smiles because of it. See it’s because he’s stupid.

Atlas dominates for the vast majority of the match including hitting a Piledriver. A second one is blocked though as this already needs to end. The show that is, not the match. Headbutt off the middle rope gets two for Atlas. Atlas yells at the referee about it and gets rolled up by Orndorff for a fast pin.

Rating: D-. Just get to the end of the stupid show!!! There are 11 matches in total counting the main event. That’s more than most PPVs get today. Why are we watching all these nonsense matches? No one cares and they’re all far too long. Just get to the end of this already, I beg of it.

Tag Titles: Mike Rotunda/Barry Windham vs. The Spoiler/The Assassin

Both challengers are in masks. Windham is YOUNG here. Spoiler is a semi-famous guy from the 80s and Assassin is a generic masked dude. Rotunda and Spoiler start us off….and then Windham hits a bulldog to end this in maybe 30 seconds. Well I did say get us to the ending so maybe they’re listening.

Don Muraco vs. Salvatore Bellomo

Muraco was a top heel around this time and Bellomo was an Italian dude. Fuji is with Muraco here. Total squash with Muraco hitting a diving knee drop, kind of a spinebuster and a modified tombstone to end this. At least it’s main event time now.

Edouard Carpentier is here. WOW there’s a name out of the past. He passed away earlier this year too.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Roddy Piper

We’re on MTV now for the next thirty minutes. Piper does the whole pipe and drums intro thing. Piper wears a Hulkamania shirt and brings in a guitar. Orton has a sling for his arm as the injury is very slow healing already. Bob Costas is doing the ring announcing here to show how big this is. Piper breaks the guitar saying this is what I think of rock and roll.

The place EXPLODES for Hogan and Eye of the Tiger. This really should have been the main event of the first Mania, perhaps with Hogan challenging for the belt. They go right at it to start with Hogan DRILLING in right and Piper collapsing from the force of a whip into the corner. Big elbow drop has Piper reeling early on. A ton of celebrities are here. This really was a huge deal.

Clothesline in the corner gets two as the fans are rabid here. Piper gets the sleeper which is actually a choke. We get two arm drops and Hogan shakes his finger no on the third one to a huge reaction. Hogan rams him into the corner to break it up and here’s Orton for the interference that isn’t seen.

His arm goes into the buckle and Hogan fights back with….left hands? Really? It’s on now and here comes Paul Orndorff to replace the hurt Orton. There goes the referee and Orndorff gets a top rope knee and it’s thrown out somewhere in there. The heels beat down Hogan, and then we get to the REAL reason this show happened: Mr. T. jumps the guard rail and gets in, only to be beaten down as well. Hogan comes up for the save, and ladies and gentlemen, I give you Wrestlemania.

Rating: D+. Match sucked and if you think that means anything then stop reading as you have no business here. The match was simply the backdrop to set up the biggest event in wrestling history (yes Starrcade that includes you) and the show that would make WWF mean something. This would lead to Hogan vs. Orndorff which set up Hogan vs. Heenan which set up Hogan vs. Andre and I think you can see where this could get awesome in a hurry. Bad match, EPIC moment as the WWF had arrived.

Post match Orton comes back and it’s 3-2 but everyone and their mother gets in the ring, including the NYPD as they try to break this apart.

In what would more or less be considered DVD extras today we get 12 minutes of interviews with everyone from Cyndi Lauper, Dave Wolfe (her manager), Joe Piscapo, Danny Devito, Mr. T., Hogan, Orndorff, Orton and Piper who all swear it’s not over. The wrestlers say we’re ready any time. How about in 41 days at Madison Square Garden? Anybody?

Overall Rating: D. A few things to consider here. Number one, this was to get people to come back next time which needless to say, IT WORKED. Second, the national audience only saw the last half hour which helps a lot. Other than the main event which was insane, this was boring beyond any and all belief. The main event is required viewing for any historical fan though as its importance simply can’t be understated and without it there’s no Wrestlemania. The two hours leading up to the main event though sucked and sucked hard. Bad show, good ending.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Halloween Havoc 1998
Date: October 25, 1998
Location: MGM Grand Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada
Attendance: 10,663
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay

This is a rather famous show for all the wrong reasons. If 1997 was the bullet that took down WCW (which it was), this was the infection that got into the wound and caused them to die. There are so many things wrong with this show I’m really not sure where to start. Ok I am but that sounds good. There’s a double main event tonight with Hogan vs. Warrior II and DDP vs. Goldberg. I’m pretty sure you know why this was a disaster for the company, but I’ll go into details for that at the end. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is of course all about Hogan! Well did you expect something else? It’s the whole Gregorian Chant thing with images of Hogan and Warrior. Oh and there’s the world champion and there’s his challenger.

I always did like the massive pumpkin set for this series. That was kind of cool. This crowd is LOUD! I’m actually having trouble understanding Tony’s opening stuff. This is the second version of the tape that I’ve tried to watch and both had the same issues so it’s not just this version. Bobby puts on a mask while Tony is talking to Tenay so the reaction is really funny.

The Nitro Girls dance. You know, not on Nitro. Keep that in mind. They point out that this is their PPV debut, making it kind of stupid. The music on this show is WAY too loud as it’s drowning out the commentary. Apparently there have been three matches added, one for a title and one where the winner gets a title shot later in the night. Uh, ok then.

We really open the show with an interview with Rick Steiner. Really that’s the best guy you had to open things up here? It’s Rick vs. Scott tonight and Rick sees him as just another opponent. Cue Buff Bagwell, a friend of Scott’s that Rick injured on Nitro, legitimately injuring his neck. Bagwell says he’s sick of Scott and wants to be in Rick’s corner tonight. Yeah they’re not giving away the ending to that match at all. Apparently Buff needs permission from JJ Dillon to do that.

TV Title: Raven vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho with the title here. Raven’s music is WAY too up tempo for him. Again with the loud music as I can only hear little bits of what Tony is saying. Something about a losing streak? Raven has been acting differently recently, even tapping out at one point. Jericho is a cocky heel here, meaning he’s hilarious. Raven says his losing streak isn’t his fault and what about me, what about Raven, what about me. He wasn’t informed about this match and he doesn’t feel like wrestling. So he was given a title match and he’s mad about it?

Jericho says he doesn’t want to be here either but all the Jericoholics came here to see him (is he a heel here?) because Jericho equals buyrates, people in the seats and rock and roll. I’m really not sure what Jericho is here. Yeah he’s a face. Jericho calls him a loser and here’s Raven, starting the match about 13 and a half minutes into the show. Jericho whips him with the jacket and avoids a clothesline to take over.

Raven hits a Cactus Clothesline and we’re on the floor. Crowd is HOT. Raven sets up the steps and throws Jericho on them in a front face suplex. Jericho may have hurt his shoulder and/or knee. Oh and the Flock is gone by this point. They keep mentioning it so maybe it’s important? Jericho gets a hot shot to reverse things and a springboard dropkick to send Raven back to the floor.

His advantage is short lived though as Jericho gets sent into the railing and both men are down. Raven tries to set up the steps but is whipped into the railing instead. Raven’s shirt that he ties around his waist comes off so he chokes away with it. There’s a sleeper by the bird man but Jericho is out very soon. Jericho unhooks the buckle and the referee is just fine with it.

Jericho charges at Raven but gets powerbombed for his efforts. He catapults the Canadian into the buckle and Jericho is stunned. Clothesline gets two. Jericho misses a spinkick and in the fastest I’ve ever seen Raven move he immediately grabs Chris and gets a spinning belly to belly for two. They are MOVING out there. German suplex is rolled through by Jericho but he can’t get the Liontamer.

Ok scratch that yes he can but Raven grabs the rope for the break. Raven is wrestling with his eye piercing in. That is so dangerous it’s not even funny. Raven counters a whip in and gets the DDT out of nowhere for two. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that kicked out of. They speed it up again but Jericho hits Raven low and gets a German for two. Kanyon comes out of nowhere and jumps up on the apron so Jericho sends Raven into him. Liontamer ends it seconds later.

Rating: B+. Where in the world did this come from??? This was a great match and easily the fastest pace I’ve ever seen Raven go at. The crowd was into it the whole way and the false finish on the DDT was great. I was really liking this although it would have helped a bit to not have Kanyon there so randomly. Either way, great stuff indeed. Jericho jumping up and down in celebration is hilarious.

Here come Bischoff and Hogan to talk. Keep in mind that we’ve had the girls dancing and now two promos. We’re about 22 minutes into the show at this point so keep that in mind. Hogan is in an NWO Nitro shirt. Bischoff says Hogan represents family values. Uh ok? Hogan says that all his fans love him and all that jazz. He talks about beating up his nephew Horace (real nephew, real awful) for not being ready to be a disciple or something. We see the beating and Hogan says he went a bit too far. Bischoff is just there to hold the mic. Oh and he’s going to beat up Warrior. Total waste of five minutes.

Meng vs. Wrath

Yeah see what I mean about pointless stuff? Wrath was getting something resembling a push around this time and would ultimately be beaten by Rick Steiner the next month in a TV Title match that ended anything he had going because he was starting to get a pop. We head to the floor quickly and Wrath gets a front flip onto Meng from the apron. Nice one too. Back in and after some clotheslines he can’t hit the Meltdown (pumphandle slam).

Meng goes on offense and this is turning into a weak TV match. I’m very surprised Meng had a job at this point. What in the world was he going to add to any company here? Either way he’s doing nothing special here at all. Meng does his basic evil Samoan (Tongan in this case) offense and we get a nerve hold. Wrath hits a Rock Bottom to counter for two and then the Meltdown hits to end it. Sweet goodness this was dull.

Rating: D. Dang that three minute rule. I hate it so much during matches such as this one. This was bad of course and never once got even the slightest big interesting. This wasn’t put on the VHS release and I think you’ll get why later on. Again, note that they wasted another five minutes on this joke of a match.

Disco Inferno vs. Juventud Guerrera

Winner gets Kidman later tonight for the Cruiserweight Title. Juvy has no mask at this point. Disco goes after Juvy to start as the cameraman looks like he’s having issues standing up. They speed things up and Guerrera gets a LOUD chop. Headscissors takes Disco down and I think they botch a Famerasser but it might have been ok. Ah there it is.

Another loud chop in the corner and a monkey flip sends Disco out to the floor. Headscissors takes Disco down but the hair acts as a shield. Back in and Disco gets an atomic drop and a clothesline but dances instead of covering because he’s not incredibly intelligent. Middle rope elbow gets two and we hit the chinlock. Heenan suggests that Disco needs a manager in a random comment.

Juvy gets a stunner on the rope to take over again. He sets for a springboard but Disco hits the floor to hide. Juvy is like get back here you scoundrel and hits a pescado. Back in and Guerrera keeps out moving him. Juvy Driver is reversed into a reverse suplex which is reversed into a hot shot and swinging neckbreaker for Disco for two. Disco blocks a sunset flip and does a Macarena. Why can’t I escape that thing???

Disco busts out a giant swing and falls onto Guerrera’s balls in a Sting spot. Vertical suplex results in more dancing. Disco goes up but gets crotched and there’s a top rope rana for no cover. Instead he goes up again and a spinwheel kick gets two. Juvy does Rey’s sitout bulldog for two. Victory roll is blocked and Disco gets a SWEET jumping Piledriver with Juvy just stopping dead for the pin.

Rating: B-. Far better match than you would expect here. Disco was actually underrated as his gimmick overshadowed what he could do in the ring. This was a fun match and even though I’m not really a fan of Guerrera he looked quite good here too. One of Disco’s better matches actually.

Here’s another 75 seconds wasted as the Nitro Girls dance again. They look good but is this the best way to use PPV time?

After that here we have another four and a half minutes wasted with Scott Steiner to say that tonight is a night off for him. He insults Steiner and Bagwell but instead of Rick vs. Scott, it’s Rick/Bagwell vs. Scott/Giant. Giant and Scott Hall are tag champions but Hall is injured. Well of course this is fine. A thrown together team is getting a title shot at the non champions. JJ Dillon comes out and says ok, but if they lose the titles then it’s Rick vs. Scott. You know, THE ADVERTISED MATCH. How can this company continue to be this stupid?

Alex Wright vs. Fit Finlay

Another match not on the home video. Finlay meant nothing by this point and Wright meant about the same, so let’s give them five minutes of PPV time! Oh ok they had a match on Thunder and this is the rematch. Don’t both to tell us who won or why they’re fighting or anything like that guys. Let’s talk about Warrior vs. Hogan instead!

Back and forth match that isn’t half bad actually, but that doesn’t mean it belongs on this show and taking up PPV time. We have the Nitro Girls to look at if we want to waste time. Wright controls to start, Finlay beats him down, more talk of Hogan vs. Warrior, Wright gets a random neckbreaker to get the win. Again, why in the world was this on PPV? It’s eating up time and is a good reason for the ending of the show.

Rating: C. Not a bad match but dang man, what’s the point? That’s the issue I have with this show: there is so much pointless crap on here that it’s killing the show. We’ve had two good matches so far but then we have these random TV matches that aren’t anything special at all and could have been given to wrestlers that matter. Such a waste of time.

Saturn vs. Lodi

Is this someone’s idea of a joke? Saturn had freed the Flock and Lodi is mad about it so there you are. Lodi being billed as from anywhere other than Las Vegas is kind of funny I guess. Anyway this is another nothing match as Saturn was in the midcard at this point and getting some traction so he beats on Lodi for awhile to reaffirm his manliness. Total squash and the Death Valley Driver ends it. No rating, but keep in mind that Lodi is on PPV and Benoit or Malenko aren’t. Let that sink in for a bit. Not on the video either.

The announcers talk about the main events and the tag titles. This is idiotic.

Oh look: another minute wasted on the Nitro Girls. No Benoit or Maleno or Eddie, but a third performance by these chicks.

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Disco Inferno

The bell rings 8 times to start the match which is a bit more than you’re used to. Kidman uses speed to take over to start and gets a great dropkick. He was awesome back in the day and really was the best in the division for a long time. Disco was the kind of wrestler that was a Cruiserweight in name only as he wrestled like a heavyweight. He keeps using the hair so Kidman keeps nipping up.

Kidman finally gets ticked off and stomps the heck out of Disco to take over a bit. Disco takes him to the mat and uses his rare power advantage to take over on the champion. He makes fun of Kidman being young which doesn’t make a ton of sense. We hit the floor and Kidman gets a bulldog onto the concrete to put both guys down. Back in a top rope splash misses and Disco gets two off of the crash.

We hit the chinlock for a bit. Disco gets a flapjack and dances, completely killing him momentum. He’s really wasting time, yelling after almost every single move he hits. BK Bomb (Sky High) gets two but Kidman can’t really capitalize. He runs into an elbow but gets a powerslam for two. Piledriver is reversed but hits the second time. Disco rolls the wrong way though so it only gets two.

The reaction of Disco freaking out is kind of funny. In a NICE counter, Kidman tries to run up the corner and get a bulldog but Disco twists around and turns it into a suplex. Gordbuster gets two. He tries another Piledriver but does a Macarena first. Kidman counters into a facecrusher and the Shooting Star Press ends this.

Rating: C. This was really just a long TV match. There isn’t much going on here at all that was anything special. Kidman was way out of Disco’s league here, meaning Kidman was way better. He should have been elevated up from the Cruiserweights but this was WCW so that was downright sacrilegious. Again, why did the first match for Disco need to be here? It’s another waste of time.

Speaking of wasting time, let’s spend five minutes on Konnan’s music video. This marks at least 15 minutes, not counting Disco vs. Juvi or the other matches, that EASILY could have been cut but weren’t.

Tag Titles: The Giant/Scott Steiner vs. Buff Bagwell/Rick Steiner

Bagwell is in street clothes. If the NWO loses the titles then Scott has to face Rick. Oh and the NWO has NWO rules, which means Freebird Rules. I forgot to mention: around this time the movie Bride of Chucky was coming out and Chucky appeared on Nitro and cut a promo about Scott Steiner. Yeah it was really dumb but they mention it here.

Giant is in a t-shirt for some reason. He chops away at Rick who he started with if you didn’t get that. Off to Scott and the fans react to this matchup. ARE YOU LISTENING WCW? Steiner gets a running kick to a seated Rick and pounds away. Rick gets sent to the floor where Giant beats him up even more. Bagwell shoves Giant away and then runs. Keep that in mind.

Rick finally gets an atomic drop which means nothing on the steroid ridden balls of Scott. Rick beats him down with ease in the corner but gets caught in an atomic drop. He no sells it and tags Bagwell. Naturally Bagwell turns on him, joining up with the NWO for the 99^th time. For some reason he runs to the back and it’s a handicap match. Naturally the eternally idiotic announcers are SHOCKED, yes SHOCKED I say!

The equally stupid fans chant for Goldberg. Yes he’s going to come out here when he has a world title match later on tonight. Scott beats on Rick for a good while as the announcers won’t shut up about Bagwell. Giant literally jumps up and down on Rick’s ribs. FREAKING OW MAN! Scott beats him down and Giant keeps picking him up. Now we’re talking about Judy Bagwell. Does this company just not get it?

Anyway, Rick fights back but gets caught by a low blow which is all cool according to the referee I guess. The announcers point out that this is the FOURTH time that has happened in this one match. Dudes, stop trying to validate your lack of logic and continuity. It’s wasting our time. Scott tags Giant who goes up top and accidentally hits a missile dropkick to Scott. Since Scott is officially dead now, Rick goes up, hits a bulldog on Giant and wins the freaking tag titles by himself. The next night he got to pick a new partner and picked Kenny Kaos of High Voltage. You’re not alone: no one else remembers him either.

Rating: C-. This was pretty average, but the Bagwell turn brings it down. I have no idea what the point of this was at the end of this, but it didn’t work. First off, you’re saying that Rick can not only beat Scott, but can beat a former two time world champion on his own after being betrayed and attacked by a third man? This was very odd indeed and I wasn’t really that sure what they were shooting for.

While the crowd is popping huge for Rick winning, Scott tries to bail. Rick chases him down and I guess this is a match.

Rick Steiner vs. Scott Steiner

This is more of a fight than a match of course. Rick hammers away for a good while but Scott gets the fourth low blow of this segment to take over again. There’s a suplex for Rick to shift the momentum again. Belly to belly gets two. And then Bill Clinton jumps the railing, drills a security dude, gets a slapjack from Stevie Ray who is here for no apparent reason, DRILLS the referee with it, and of course it’s Buff Bagwell.

Uh…point to the Clinton mask? Was it supposed to fool Rick? He wouldn’t notice the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES beating up security guards? The bell rang as soon as the mask came off as you can’t DQ the president I guess. Buff picks up the referee’s hand but can’t get a 3. Rick fights them both off, gets a suplex on Scott, a second referee comes out and counts the three and it’s a bell. Where do I even begin? No rating, but just read what I said again and figure out what you think I’d give it.

We recap Hall vs. Nash, which is happening because they have to do it at some point I guess. Hall has been drinking and I cannot explain my hatred for this angle. In short, Hall would be “drunk” on camera, throw up on camera, be passed out in his house, stumble everywhere and all that jazz. It’s far worse than it sounds because he had real life issues for a long time and still does to this day. Hey! Let’s make an angle about it!

Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall

Hall has a drink with him of course here. Hall drills him as they start it off and Nash is sent to the floor seconds in. Hall hits him in the head with the mic as they’re REALLY lenient on the DQs tonight aren’t they? Nash is down in the aisle after having whatever was in the cup thrown in his eyes, apparently alcohol. Hall, still in his vest, is in the ring. He grabs the mic and tells Nash to just leave now.

You don’t tick off a Super Shredder though and Nash gets back in. All Hall still though as this has been total domination so far. Discus Punch puts Nash down again and Hall is staggering. Slam puts Nash down and it’s time for the Outsider Edge. Hall goes for punches in the corner but gets shoved away. Nash doesn’t seem like he’s trying to fight back.

Nash keeps saying bring it on and yeah he’s not fighting back at all. And never mind yes he is as he whips Hall in a few times and gets a side slam for no cover as both guys are down. Hall has had about 99% of his offense come from punches. Jackknife attempt but Hall runs away. Nash finally rips his shirt off. We’re almost halfway in and this has been like a really long intro.

They lock up and Nash wins a battle of strength pretty easily. Hall does his slapping the back of the head bit and Nash just shrugs him off. Nash hammers on Hall’s back and is dominating here. The referee asks Hall if he wants to continue and Hall can barely say yes. Nash throws a bunch of knees in the corner and the picture frame elbow.

Off to another corner and more knees with Nash saying “have another drink baby”. Hall collapses and has nothing left. Long sequence of Nash hitting him and Hall’s shots having no effect at all. Big boot sets up the Jackknife (not the Jackhammer like Tony says) and Nash says one more. Instead of covering, Nash just walks away and gets counted out to let Hall win. We wasted almost 15 minutes for that ending? Blast it WCW do you even know what you’re trying to do?

Rating: D+. They were going for the big epic encounter here but when a match is 85% punches it’s a little hard to get into it. There was nothing in terms of competition as Hall dominated the first half and then Nash dominated the second half. Again I’m not sure what the point of the ending was but it didn’t particularly work. Pretty lame match and ending as I don’t think they wanted to fight each other.

Since they haven’t done so in nearly an hour, the Nitro Girls dance to bad techno music while in various colors of wigs. This is another minute of nothing but time wasting. There wasn’t a guy that could have cut a promo here? That’s what gets on my nerves about these segments: they could be used for ANYTHING else. You could even use them for bad comedy and they would be better.

We recap Bret vs. Sting which was built as a battle of leg locks. Bret is a heel here but neither guy means much of anything as for a year the spotlight has been on Hogan and/or Goldberg. Sting’s career was killed so badly by Hogan in the spring that he hasn’t even begun to recover and wouldn’t for years. We also knew that Bret was going to be wasted in WCW by this point and he did too. Rather sad to see indeed.

US Title: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Bret has the title here and Sting is in the Wolfpac. Sting has a goatee here and is supposed to be SERIOUS. Sting won’t let Bret in the ring as he still has the bat so we enter into a LONG stall session by the Canadian. I mean we’re at two minutes of just standing around and waiting at this point. There’s the third time Bret hits the floor and Sting gets mad and goes after him. They had a big brawl on Nitro that I vaguely remember which also contributed to this.

Sting hammers away with rather generic and basic offense for a bit. Here comes Bret with cheating tactics. And now we talk about Hogan to fill the quota for every match. Bret gets a DDT for two. Bret gets an atomic drop and a clothesline to take Sting down. I love that quick leg that Bret tends to drop. Bunch of basic stuff from the Canadian here including a bulldog.

Sting steals a small package for two out of nowhere. Bret tries a middle rope dropkick (???) and jumps into the Scorpion but there’s a rope for the break. Sting on offense now and Bret tries a leapfrog but hurts his knee. Well of course he does. Naturally he’s faking and Bret gets a foreign object. Sting knocks it out with a clothesline and picks it up himself. The referee stops him and there’s low blow #28 tonight to give Bret the momentum back.

Five Moves of Doom gives Bret even more momentum and then he throws Sting to the floor. Sting accidentally takes down the referee and Bret drops a leg on Billy Silverman. Here’s Sting’s comeback but like the eternal idiot that he is he stops to check on the referee and gets drilled. Superplex by Sting and Bret’s legs land on Silverman’s likely breaking them in half.

Stinger Splash to Bret but he hits the post to knock himself silly. Bret nails him with the bat and Sting is dead. I mean he nails him a lot. Oh dang it’s this match. I remember this now. Bret gets about 10 shots with the bat including one off the middle rope. Sting is completely out so Bret wakes up the referee who hasn’t moved in three minutes but a hand on his shoulder and he pops up. Bret puts on the Sharpshooter and Sting is out cold.

Rating: C-. Totally weak match here that never got out of second gear. The ending sucked too with the referee bump taking forever and never doing anything at all. This was idiotic and more nonsense to keep one guy over the age of 37 from jobbing clean. That would be a real issue in WCW and would haunt them until the end of their run. Not a horrible match but considering who was in there, this was awful.

Sting goes out on a stretcher and wouldn’t be seen in over four months. This would mean he didn’t wrestle for 14 months, came back for ten, then left for another four. Way to earn those millions baby! This is five more minutes that we’re wasting here.

Recap of Hogan vs. Warrior. It’s the rematch of the century and there was a bunch of stupid beyond belief supernatural stuff going on in there too that no one cared about in the slightest because it was really stupid. Hogan’s Disciple (Brutus Beefcake in gimmick #84872B) was turned to Warrior’s side through some kind of mystical smoke. Hogan beat up his nephew Horace on Monday so expect a run-in and SHOCKING swerve.

Hulk Hogan vs. Warrior

Yes just Warrior, not Ultimate or anything like that. It should be noted that the Nitro ratings had gone up with Warrior around so this was definitely something that there was an interest in. We see Horace being blasted with the chair again on Nitro. Could you make it any clearer? Hogan stalls a lot, saying he’s going to kill him and murder him and all that jazz.

Warrior Sucks chant starts up. Hogan gets knocked down by a big punch and hides in the corner. Something tells me this isn’t quite going to be Toronto in 90. Hogan hammers him down and gets a wristlock. Warrior takes over and Hogan hits the floor. You know it’s weird that they hate each other this much since Hogan seemed pretty happy with Warrior after the end of their previous match.

Test of strength time as they recreate probably their most famous spot and one of the most famous of all time. Oh never mind actually. I guess that move is too complex so we’ll use more punches. Ah there it is. Hogan wins to start and keeps doing so. The fans chant boring. Tenay says this is the battle for the city of Las Vegas. I’m not sure if that’s stupid or just typical WCW. They’re one in the same I guess.

Criss cross and Hogan wins with a slam. Hogan is by far and away more popular in this. One of the worst clotheslines I’ve ever seen puts Hogan on the floor. There’s a Hogan Sucks chant as no one is sure what to go with in here. They fight on the floor which means a lot of walking around. Tenay calls it a fine wrestling match that turned into a fight. Uh…he’s the Professor right?

Back in and we get one of the most contrived referee bumps I’ve ever seen as Patrick wasn’t in the right spot for Hogan to run into so Hogan had to switch directions to hit him. Hogan calls out the troops and here’s The Giant. Big boot misses and down goes Hogan. Stevie Ray and Vincent go down. Hogan gets a belly to back for two as the referee is mostly back up.

They’re trying to recreate a lot of the spots in their first match but the problem is most of the spots they’re redoing aren’t that well known in the first place. There was a ref bump in that match and Warrior got a suplex but there was no referee. See what I mean? Workout belt is used in its usual fashion by baldie.

Here’s a weird sequence as Hogan tries an elbow but Warrior rolls out of the way. Hogan tries another elbow and Warrior rolls away again. I’m sure you’ve all seen that before right? Well then Warrior rolls back at Hogan and hits him in the knee. It looks completely unplanned and awful as a result. Then again it’s Warrior so what do you expect? Big splash misses afterwards and control goes back to Hogan.

One punch from Warrior puts Hogan down. Belt for Warrior now and he hammers away. It’s not a foreign object because it’s part of Hogan’s attire. I stopped trying to figure out WCW rules years ago so I just go with it at this point. If they’re not changing the over the top rule they’re changing this rule so it’s whatever really.

And now it’s time for the infamous spot of the match. It’s the spot that makes this the worst match anyone has seen since….well since the last WCW PPV. Hogan goes to the corner while Warrior is being yelled at about using the belt. Hulk pulls out a bag which has flash paper and a lighter in it. The idea was supposed to be Hogan threw a fireball at Warrior and blinded him with Warrior eventually making a comeback blind.

To give you an idea of how stupid this was, Hogan himself said it was a bad idea and he came up with it. When have you EVER heard Hogan say he had a bad idea? Anyway, Hogan uses the lighter and throws the flash paper at Warrior. The problem is that the lighter didn’t connect with the paper before he threw it, so he threw a piece of paper at Warrior. He tries again but doesn’t throw the paper in time so the paper burns up in his hand instead of going at Warrior’s face. Let the panicking begin!

Naturally they have no clue what to do now and it’s clear they’re both nervous as they might actually have to improvise and think while moving. For people of their limited intellect, this might not be the easiest thing in the world to do. Warrior hits him and goes up, and doesn’t hit a double axe. Instead it’s more like a one handed punch that completely missed Hogan’s head but Hogan went down from it anyway.

He does it again and Hogan is busted from…something. Low blow by Hogan sets up the leg drop but he doesn’t cover. Here’s Horace Hogan with a chair. OH just get to the swerve already. Warrior Warriors Up and hits a bunch of clotheslines. Bischoff comes down and distracts the referee allowing Horace to blast Warrior with the chair to end it. Hogan says Horace passed the test. Yeah whatever. Horace puts lighter fluid on Warrior and security has to stop Hogan from lighting him on fire. I give up. This was more or less the last time Warrior was seen.

Rating: F. This is one of those matches that the best explanation as to why it sucks is to say “did you watch the match?” Neither guy was capable of putting on a decent match to save their lives at this point so they gave them fifteen minutes on PPV. The ending was bad, the big spot of the match was bad, the whole thing was bad. I don’t know who besides Hogan thought this was a good idea, but they need to be shot otherwise. This was an atrocious match and definitely one of the biggest bombs I’ve ever seen.

With no transition at all, it’s world title time.

WCW World Title: Goldberg vs. Diamond Dallas Page

DDP won this by winning WarGames. I’ve always wondered: if Goldberg is such a tough guy, why does he need so many bodyguards? No big match intros and we’re off in a hurry. They lock up and Page is sent flying with relative ease. Long feeling out process to start here. Page gets an armdrag and we head to the floor almost immediately. No one really has an advantage so far.

Goldberg takes him to the mat so Page tries a leg sweep. Goldberg is like uh yeah I’m awesome and does a standing backflip to avoid it. Cross armbreaker by Goldberg is blocked and Page tries to work on the arm. Goldberg shoves off the Diamond Cutter and it’s Goldberg in charge early on. This is looking good so far, and that’s our show everyone! See you tomorrow on Nitro!

So in case you’ve never heard of this, this is what I’ve been referring to the time the entire show for. In short, the PPV ran long and a lot of people lost the PPV feed in the early going of the main event. In other words, they didn’t get to see the ending of the match they paid to see. Needless to say, this did not go well in the slightest. WCW was threatened with more lawsuits than they knew what to do with, so they did the only thing they could: air the full match the next night on Nitro.

This was a bad idea too, as it ticked off the fans that bought the show to see the main event. I mean it’s not like they were cutting off Saturn vs. Lodi here. This was one of the two reasons people bought this show. The fans were mad because why should the people that didn’t pay to see the show get to see this match? You know, hence the term PAY PER VIEW? They weren’t paying yet they were getting to see the match that the people that did in fact pay didn’t get to see. That didn’t fly at all.

The PPV company was mad too because they agreed to show this on the grounds that WCW would air a complete show. Also, by airing the main attraction for free on Monday, why should anyone want to pay the full price to see the main event when they can see it for free the night before? The whole thing was a disaster and the worst part was it easily could have been avoided.

Bearing in mind that some of the main event was seen before the feed went out, let’s take a look at some numbers here. These are all approximated and rounded off for the sake of match and I’m rounding down in every case, meaning that even if something was up to say 11 minutes and 59 seconds, I’m calling it 11 minutes. The main event ran about 11 minutes bell to bell. Let’s go way high and say it took 20 minutes counting intros (closer to seventeen but we’ll say twenty).

In other words WCW needed to cut off 20 minutes to fit in the entire show. Let’s see what we could have cut off. To begin with, the Nitro Girls. They had four dance routines at a minute each. Then we have Konnan’s music video, running about five minutes. We’re almost halfway there now. There was the interview with Hogan saying he would destroy Warrior, eating up four minutes. Buff offered to be in the corner of Rick which ate up four minutes, and then there was also the Sting stretcher deal which was five minutes.

There are your 20 minutes right there. We’re also leaving on all of the matches, including the classics such as Lodi vs. Saturn, Wright vs. Finlay and Meng vs. Wrath which combined for about 13 minutes of ring time, not counting the intros and exits. Also there was the joke of the Steiners match, as well as the fact that the tag title match was added on as a bonus. This was completely ridiculous and there were so many ways to fix it that it’s unreal. And now, back to the match.

We get some very nice chain wrestling as Page tries for the arm again but Page is sent to the floor through pure power. Back in and Page gets a neckbreaker and Russian leg sweep for two. Front chancery but Goldberg hits a spinning neckbreaker of his own to take over again. Cross armbreaker goes on again but another rope is grabbed. Page counters a tilt-a-whirl with a headscissors of all things.

Bret-Killer kick sends Page into the corner. Goldberg charges but Page gets out of the way and the champion hits the post! Goldberg’s arm is hurt and Page has a chance. Clothesline off the middle rope gets two and a jumping DDT stops the momentum Goldberg starts up. He wants the Diamond Cutter but Goldberg spears the crap out of him.

His arm is hurt though so he can’t cover or follow up. Also quick point here: when Goldberg uses the spear, he runs through the guy. When Edge hits it, it’s a shoulder block to the ribs. Edge stops going forward when he hits it more often than not. Goldberg is like a hard takedown and looks much more impressive because of it. Take notes Edge.

Goldberg tries the Jackhammer but can’t get Page up because of the arm. SELLING PEOPLE! Oh how I love it. Take note: there’s a major difference between shaking an injured body part and then doing your move and not being able to do your move because of an injury. The first looks silly while the second makes us believe you’re in pain. Diamond Cutter hits and the place erupts. They erupt even harder on the kickout. Like an idiot, Page tries a vertical suplex which is reversed into the Jackhammer and Goldberg is 155-0.

Rating: B. See what happens when you let two guys that are both popular and can work well when given time? You get a *gasp* good match! Goldberg had to wrestle a different style here and it came off as far more interesting and impressive than his usual power stuff. Page played the roll of the challenger that had a puncher’s chance very well. This was probably the best match Goldberg ever had and one of the best Page ever had. Good stuff and a nice breath of fresh air to end this show.

Goldberg and Page do the respect thing to end the show.

OverallRating: D+. This was a hard one to grade as it’s certainly not unwatchable. It’s a show where the good parts are good and the bad parts are very bad. Unfortunately there is a lot more bad than good. The opener is good and the main event is good and there’s some other ok stuff mixed in, but like I said in the time aspect there is WAY too much stupid stuff thrown in. It doesn’t help that Hogan and Warrior is one of the biggest bombs of all time either.

This is a perfect microcosm of the problem in WCW. The young guys go out there and have a good start to the show. Then the old guys, the “draws” if you will, come out and have to use three low blows a match plus weapons and ref bumps because they’re such paint by numbers guys anymore that they can’t go out and put on an entertaining match. Look at the main event: there is not one shortcut in it and you get a good match.

That’s one of the main reasons why people got irritated with WCW: the tools and pieces were all there at their fingertips, but instead of having main events like DDP vs. Goldberg they decided we’d rather see stuff like Warrior vs. Hogan, which had an interest to it but the quality wasn’t there. It’s fine for a quickie, but you need some meat eventually. Hogan couldn’t offer that, and the company never realized it. And then they died and no one seemed to care after the levels they reached at the end because of it, but that’s another story. Anyway, not a horrible show, but the bad outweighs the good as usual.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2007
Date: November 18, 2007
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 12,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Tazz, Joey Styles

This is one of those shows where there’s a little bit of something good and a little bit of something bad. First the bad: there’s Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali. The good though is Batista vs. the Undertaker inside the Cell, which almost has to be almost has to be good. Other than that the card looks fine and we’ve got Shawn in a world title match which is almost guaranteed to be at least decent. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about how this started twenty years ago, as you would expect it to. It also talks about the main event matches tonight, as you would expect it to as well.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Punk is defending and Miz and Morrison are tag champions. The tag champions of course jump at the same time because one on one, neither have a chance to beat Punk. Punk kicks the tar out of Miz’s head and gets a quick two on Morrison. Both tag champions are sent to the floor where Punk takes both of them out with a suicide dive. Back in and Punk gets caught in a double suplex after the springboard clothesline fails.

Miz and Morrison double team Punk but Miz is the first of the heels to go extra heel, dumping Morrison out to the floor. He hooks a chinlock on Punk but has to let go to knock Morrison back to the outside. Punk kicks Miz in the head but Morrison comes back in with a backbreaker to the champ (as in the ECW Champ) followed by a cobra clutch (called a Japanese sleeper by Joey Styles because he likes to sound smarter than he actually is).

Miz pulls Punk to the floor and rams him into the concrete to get us down to the tag champions fighting. Morrison sends him into the corner chest first and hits the yet to be named Starship Pain for two. Punk comes back in and ranas Morrison off the top into a powerbomb from Miz in a SWEET looking move. That only gets two but it got a BIG reaction from the crowd.

With Morrison pretty much dead, Punk kicks Miz in the face for two and hits the knee/bulldog combo for the same. Punk hits a backbreaker on Miz but Morrison grabs a rollup and trunks on the champ for two. Morrison escapes the GTS but gets knocked to the floor, allowing Punk to hit the GTS on Miz for the pin to retain.

Rating: C. Other than that rana/powerbomb spot, this was only ok. Punk had to carry the whole thing, but you could see something special in Miz. It’s a little easier to see it now, but a buddy of mine said that he thought Miz would be the bigger deal because of this match. I’m not sure if I’d agree based on this match, but Miz did indeed look better than Morrison here. This was a pretty good choice for an opener, but the execution wasn’t great because Punk didn’t have enough to work with.

We recap MVP turning on Matt Hardy and taking out his knee. They had been partners for awhile before this but everyone thought MVP was evil the whole time, and this was the not very shocking turn.

MVP says that Matt won’t be competing tonight because he needs crutches to get by. That doesn’t surprise MVP, because Matt has always needed a crutch, be it either Jeff or MVP. Oh and he’s better than Matt.

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

One fall to a finish here and Beth is Women’s Champion. The Divas Title doesn’t exist yet which is how things should have stayed. Layla is WAY hotter being evil and Melina has some gorgeous hair. She also falls off the apron during her splits entrance which is worth a chuckle. The second attempt works and thankfully she’s smiling after screwing it up. Mickie and Maria are ridiculously good looking as well.

Victoria and Michelle start things off with Michelle taking over with a headlock. A big boot puts Victoria (Tara in TNA if you’re new at this) down and it’s off to Torrie who can’t wrestle a watchable match to save her life. Victoria kills her mostly dead with a side slam and it’s off to Layla who is so bad here that she can’t even beat up torrie. Kelly and Jillian come in and Jillian tries to scream a bit, only to get rolled up for two. Maria comes in, basically wearing a bikini.

Thankfully Beth comes in to flatten Maria before handing it right back to Layla. Actually make that Melina, who misses a charge at Maria and crotches herself, allowing for the hot tag to Mickie. James beats up everyone in sight, has her partners take out Beth, and hits the Long Kiss Goodnight on Melina for the pin. What’s the Long Kiss Goodnight you ask? That would be every 13 year old’s dream: Mickie literally bends Melina back and kisses her before kicking her in the head for the pin.

Rating: D. Yes, the match sucked. Yes, most of the women in this are horrible wrestlers. Yes, if you’re complaining about these things, you’re missing the point. This was pure fan service as you had ten girls in either tight or barely there outfits and one hot woman kissing another hot woman before kicking her in the head. If you’re looking for a wrestling match here, you’re in the wrong place.

Coach and Regal are in the back looking smug. Hornswoggle, who is Vince’s son at this point, is pacing very nervously. Remember that he faces Khali tonight.

Orton says history isn’t going to be made tonight. He’s going to beat Shawn because if Shawn uses the superkick, Shawn loses the match.

Shawn is here for revenge tonight because Orton has tried to hurt him and take his livelihood. Therefore tonight, Shawn is going to take the title.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Cade and Murdoch are defending. Rhodes is brand new at this point and spent weeks getting beaten up by Holly before Holly respected him enough to team with him. Cody and Cade start things off with the rookie getting hiptossed down. The crowd pretty much died as soon as the bell rang, which should tell you about the tag team situation at the time as these are the best Raw had for their belts.

Off to the very redneck Trevor Murdoch who chops away but gets caught in a headlock. Yeah Cody didn’t quite get anywhere as a worker for awhile. Holly comes in and is immediately beaten down by Cade. The crowd is reacting a bit so it’s not totally dead but it’s nothing special. The heels are sent into each other and fall out to the floor as Holly takes over. We actually get a HOLLY chant for the only time I can ever remember.

A rollup gets two for Hardcore and it’s off to Murdoch via a blind tag. Holly gets his head kicked off and things slow back down again. The champs tag in and out a lot before Cade picks up Murdoch to drop him down with a legdrop for two. We hit the chinlock on Holly which goes nowhere so Holly suplexes Trevor down. Cade misses an elbow drop but Holly still can’t tag out.

Cade tries that dropping Murdoch into a legdrop move again but as almost always is the case, it doesn’t work this time. Warm tag brings in Cody who hits a missile dropkick on Lance for two. Holly and Cade fall to the floor and Murdoch hits the stupid cousin of a Canadian Destroyer (much more like a sunset flip than a piledriver) to retain.

Rating: C-. Another so-so match here but at the end of the day, it’s Hardcore Holly and a rookie Cody Rhodes vs. Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch. That’s only going to take you so far as the fans aren’t going to care about it for the most part. I don’t get why they didn’t change the titles here as Holly and Rhodes would get the belts in a month (and hold them for SIX MONTHS) anyway.

The announcers explain the concept of a Survivor Series match to the uninitiated. That’s something you hardly ever see anymore: a basic explanation of WHAT IS GOING ON. Sometimes you need to slow things down a bit and tell people what’s going on. If you’re flipping through the channels and see something flashy like wrestling, you’re likely to stop but if you have no idea what’s going on, you’re not likely to stay. Gorilla Monsoon was a master at doing this.

Team HHH isn’t worried about being down 5-4 coming into the match (Matt was hurt remember) but Kane says he isn’t an underdog. We recap the Katie Vick angle (HHH: “Uh…..yeah sorry about that.) and Jeff reminds HHH that he put him in the hospital. HHH is sorry about that too and says tonight they can unite in the idea of doing something terrible to someone else.

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

HHH, Kane, Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio

Umaga, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, Finlay, Big Daddy V

Kennedy’s mic doesn’t work for the live intro at first so we can only hear the ending. Jeff is IC Champion and MVP is US Champion. Remember that we’re starting at 5-4 because Matt is gone. Rey and Kennedy get things going with Kennedy using a rare power advantage to take over. Kennedy pounds in the corner but gets caught in a sunset bomb before it’s off to Jeff for a BIG pop. Rey and Jeff combine for some Poetry in Motion and Kennedy is in trouble.

Scratch that trouble as Jeff runs into an elbow (JBL: “That’ll knock the purple out of your hair!”) and it’s off to MVP. MVP limps a bit which apparently is a fake injury or something. Or maybe he’s making fun of Matt Hardy. I never cared for MVP so I really don’t care. Off to the 550lb Big Daddy V who uses his big fat man offense on Jeff, before stupidly throwing Jeff to the corner for a tag to Kane.

V almost immediately belly to belly suplexes Kane down for two but Kane comes back with some clotheslines in the corner. A top rope clothesline puts V down again but Kane has to chokeslam Finlay. V hits a Samoan Drop and a big elbow on Kane for the upset (yeah it’s an upset) elimination. HHH comes in and hits the facebuster on the monster but gets caught by a clothesline to shift the momentum right back.

We get the match that everyone is looking forward to in HHH vs. Umaga and the fans don’t react at all. Umaga takes the Game down with a belly to belly of his own and a headbutt has HHH in trouble. Umaga misses a middle rope headbutt and there’s the hot tag to Rey. Rey pounds away but almost immediately gets knocked down by the other monster. Mysterio goes after the leg but a rana is just a bad idea. Actually it is as he swings Umaga into the 619, followed by a springboard seated senton for two. Umaga is like BIG SAMOAN SCREAM and hits a spinning release Rock Bottom and the Spike to eliminate Rey.

So it’s all five villains vs. Jeff and HHH, and it’s not that the two superheroes are likely to run through all five and win or anything like that of course. Jeff vs. Kennedy starts things off and Hardy is in trouble quickly. I don’t think Jeff really gets going until he looks like he’s been thrown out of a building though. Jeff comes back with a dropkick but the slingshot dropkick in the corner misses due to an MVP assist. Cole talks about how that’s the second time MVP has caused that move to miss in three days. JBL: “Maybe MVP is just smarter than the Hardys.” I love it when JBL cuts Cole off at the knees. No one does it better.

Off to MVP who hooks a chinlock on Jeff which goes on for awhile. Jeff fights up but gets gets caught in a fireman’s carry drop. MVP starts talking trash to the fans and walks into a Twist of Fate to make it 4-2. Kennedy is in next and walks into an enziguri, which allows for the tag off to HHH. A high knee sets up a clothesline for two for HHH followed by a spinebsuter. HHH sees the human whale known as Big Daddy V coming and avoids an elbow which crushes Kennedy and allows HHH to make it 3-2.

V gets both superheroes on the floor and crushes Hardy against the post which probably put Jeff on the harder stuff for a few days. What the harder stuff for Jeff is I’m not sure but it has to be illegal. Back in the ring HHH and Hardy avoid a charge in the corner and hit a double DDT on V for the elimination. I’ve always wondered how basic moves when a monster is fresh is enough to eliminate them. These guys have no stamina at all.

It’s HHH/Jeff vs. Finlay/Umaga if you’re keeping track. Finaly comes in and pounds away on HHH while JBL talks about how great Finlay is. Does anyone ever have a bad thing to say about this guy? Here’s something bad to say about him: he does the stupidest looking spot in wrestling where he goes the middle rope and jumps into a boot in a move that is only designed for him to jump into a boot.

Hot tag brings in Jeff for a hard (and appropriate) Irish whip into the corner and the slingshot dropkick for two. Jeff goes to the apron and is immediately drilled by Umaga to give the evil foreigners control again. Finlay whips Jeff into the corner but gets caught by a Whisper in the Wind. A mule kick staggers Umaga and there’s the hot tag to HHH to meet Finlay. The high knee puts Finlay down and there’s a spinebuster to follow it up.

The Pedigree is loaded up but Umaga kicks HHH’s head off (there must be a great surgeon in WWE for all the times that happens) to break it up. The Celtic Cross (White Noise. It’s an Irish thing) is escaped and there’s the Pedigree to make it 2-1. Umaga DESTROYS HHH in the corner but the running attack misses by a mile. Pedigree, Swanton, we’re done.

Rating: B-. The match was pretty fun stuff but once we got down to 5-2, it was a matter of guessing what order the five were going out in rather than who was going to win. That being said, it’s probably the right move as HHH would move on from Umaga after this and take to feud with Orton. That feud would follow Hardy vs. Orton at the Rumble, so this was definitely a launching pad for the two survivors back to the main event.

Buy Smackdown vs. Raw! For some reason when they do the HIAC on the game as you would expect them to, Batista has a Smackdown tag title, a title he hadn’t held in almost two years, instead of the world title he currently held.

Shaquille O’Neal is here.

Hornswoggle is still nervous in the back. Tonight’s match is another of those tough love things from Vince. Speaking of the boss, he comes in and Hornswoggle immediately hugs his leg. This is one of those things that I think WWE missed about Horny: he acts like a child. HE HAS A FULL BEARD! THE GUY IS IN HIS TWENTIES! HORNSWOGGLE IS NOT A CHIL……why am I annoyed by this? It’s Horswoggle. Vince says he made this match because Horny is a McMahon and therefore has to rise to the occasion. He compares this to his battles with Turner and the US government. Vince gives him a pep talk and Horny is ready.

Here’s Shane McMahon to the arena, rocking a suit. Shane introduces Vince and apparently they’ll be in the corner of Horny tonight. Well that’s nice of them. JBL says this is going to be Biblical. Cole: “This isn’t the Bible.” Vince isn’t in his headset either. That’s the natural reaction that Cole has. Why does he get to keep his job for so long?

Hornswoggle vs. Great Khali

Runjin Singh, Khali’s manager, says we should have the wrestlers get together for the reading of the rules. This results in Singh talking over the referee as he translates. The fans want Shaq but they get the bell instead. The fans realize Shaq is here and Vince tells him to sit down. Vince tells the fans he doesn’t care what they want. Now there’s a shoot if there’s ever been one. Horny takes off his jacket and hat and kicks Singh in the face. Horny kicks at the legs of Khali…and wisely runs away. Singh runs his mouth some more and gets GREEN MIST IN THE FACE!

Horny dives on Singh and pounds away before hiding from Khali under the ring. The small guy finds that Irish club and calls Khali in but the stick is of course caught. Khali kicks him down but before the Vice Grip can go on, Finlay runs in for the save and face turn. This ran over three minutes but it doesn’t deserve to be rated. At least this did serve a purpose though, so it’s not a total failure. It should have been on Raw though.

Finlay beats up Singh and Khali with the club. It would eventually be revealed that Finlay was Horny’s father, but I’m not quite sure why Vince agreed to the whole thing in storyline.

Watch this DVD about Taker being 15-0! I guarantee you it won’t be out of date in about six months or so!

Alfonso Soriano, a baseball player, is here.

We recap Shawn vs. Orton. Shawn had the title won in a previous match but Orton intentionally got himself disqualified and then Punted Shawn to the shelf for a few months. Shawn admitted he wanted revenge but Vince banned the superkick for no apparent reason other than being evil.

Raw World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Orton is defending, if Orton gets DQ’ed the title changes, Shawn can get no more shots if he loses, and if Shawn attempts to use the Superkick, he loses the match. Got all that? Shawn almost immediately goes to the cravate and Orton spends nearly two minutes trying to fight out of it. Now that’s a (European) headlock. Orton escapes in the corner and Shawn raises his leg for the kick but the referee says that wasn’t an attempt. It’s going to be one of those referees I guess.

Orton drops down as Shawn runs the ropes so Shawn gets on Randy’s back and chokes away. The hold switches to a front facelock as they’re spending a lot of time in holds so far. Randy finally gets to the floor where Shawn fakes diving over the top so he can dropkick him through the ropes before faking ANOTHER dive and hitting an Asai Moonsault in a good sequence. Back in and Orton rolls through a crossbody for two before hitting an uppercut to take over.

Shawn fights up and throws on the required Sharpshooter and Orton finally makes the rope. I know when holds go on I’m not very descriptive, but what is there to say? You know what the hold looks like and it’s really hard to convey the drama of someone crawling to the ropes. Orton comes back with a thumb to the eye and snaps Shawn across the top rope to take over. The Elevated DDT hits for two. I didn’t remember Randy doing that move back then.

It’s off to a chinlock by Orton as the hold marathon continues. It’s not boring or bad but it’s a very different way of going about a match. Shawn fights back but walks into a dropkick for two. Shawn catches another dropkick in mid air and slams Randy down a few times before hitting the top rope elbow for two. By instinct, Shawn tunes up the band but he fakes Orton out by making him duck and grabs a rollup for two. Brilliant psychology there.

In a move I was shocked to see at the time, Shawn puts on a Crossface. Remember that this is just five months after Benoit, so that’s not a move you would have expected to see here. Orton finally gets a leg over the rope and Shawn looks spent from that not working. He tries the hold again but Randy clotheslines his head off for two. Orton hits the backbreaker and loads up the same Punt which kept Shawn out for five months.

Randy gets a running start but Shawn grabs an ankle lock with a grapevine to make Orton scream. Orton uses the good leg to kick Shawn away and break the hold. Why don’t more people do that to angle? Michaels tries the Figure Four but Orton kicks him into the post. Shawn pulls up the foot for the kick but since he has to stop, Orton hits the RKO for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: B. I was digging the psychology here as Shawn had to come up with all kinds of ways to beat Orton instead of the RKO. It says a lot about Shawn that the only way they could have Orton be able to hang in a fight with him was to take away Shawn’s big move. Orton would hold the title for another five months or so until HHH (of course) took it away from him.

Orton demands that Shawn say Orton is the future but Shawn is pretty out of it. There’s the superkick we were waiting on.

Cole is talking about the main event and SAVE US. For those of you unfamiliar, this was a series of videos that popped up at random on shows with what looked like the Matrix announcing that someone was coming to SAVE US. It would be revealed tomorrow night that it was the return of Chris Jericho.

The Cell is lowered.

We recap Batista vs. Undertaker. Batista lost the belt to Undertaker at Wrestlemania and they feuded for the title on a few PPVs. After a cage match on Smackdown, Edge cashed in the MITB contract and won the title from Undertaker. Later, Edge was hurt and had to vacate the belt, which was won by Khali. Batista eventually beat Khali for the belt and Taker came back to challenge him for it.

They fought at Cyber Sunday with Batista winning, which made them 1-1 with a few draws. Taker wanted one more match and Batista was perfectly cool with that, but Taker wanted it in the Cell. See how that worked? It was a natural progression with the Cell being the FINAL match between them (one on one at least). That’s a logical progression that you rarely get anymore. This was an excellent feud which won Feud of the Year from Meltzer. I can’t argue with that at all as it was great.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Undertaker

Big Dave is defending. Taker charges to start and is caught in a headlock before getting run over by Big Dave. Taker shrugs it off and tries an early chokeslam but Batista fights out of it. This is one of those feuds where you don’t bother with the basic stuff and go with the big power moves because that’s all that’s going to have any effect. Taker clotheslines him down and pounds away in the corner. We’re still in the early going here so this doesn’t mean a lot yet.

The Snake Eyes and Big Boot get two for Taker and it’s chair time. Batista hits a BIG spear to take Undertaker down and gets the chair. That goes badly for the champ as Taker kicks the chair back into his face and gets two off a clothesline. They head outside and Taker keeps control with a solid shot into the steps. Batista gets raked against the Cell and there’s the legdrop on the apron.

To stay on the throat, Taker puts the chair over Batista’s throat and slams the bottom of the chair into the steps. The champ is bleeding from the mouth now. Back in and Taker covers by driving a forearm into the throat. Taker is kind of the heel in this match I think, which says A LOT about how over Batista was here. Back in Taker loads up Old School but Batista catches him in the spinebuster in a cool counter.

They slug it out and Batista takes over with a clothesline that gets two. Batista hits a powerslam and takes it back to the floor. They’ve done a solid job here of having both guys dominate for a long stretch which usually works well for a big time match. Taker whips Batista into the Cell to take over again so maybe what I just said is nonsense. Batista gets rammed head first into the Cell and things are starting to pick up.

A chair shot keeps Batista down and the champ is cut open on the forehead. Batista blocks Old School again and hits a superplex to put both guys down. As Big Dave is crawling over to Taker, the Dead Man tries the Hell’s Gate (triangle choke) but it’s not on full. Batista makes the rope and heads to the floor for a breather. Has Batista never watched a big time Taker match? He deserves the Taker Dive that he gets.

Taker picks up the steps and tries to ram Batista with them, but Batista pulls himself up using the cage and kicks them back into Taker’s face. Batista picks up the steps and just rams Taker in the head with them four or five times, busting the Dead Man open. Back in and Batista does the stupid thing of punching Taker in the corner and gets a Last Ride for his efforts. That only gets two and the pop isn’t huge from the crowd. They know we’re getting A LOT of finishers before a pin here.

There’s a chokeslam but it only gets two. The Tombstone is countered into a spinebuster for two and there’s another spinebuster for good measure. It’s table time and Batista easily powerbombs him through it….for two. There’s the pop from the crowd on the kickout that we were looking for. Now the Animal loads up the steps but Taker backdrops him onto said steps for two. The Tombstone hits….for two. If my memory is right, Batista and Shawn are the only two people to take all three of Taker’s finishers and kick out of all three. Batista might have done it more than once but I’m not sure.

Taker KILLS Batista with a Tombstone on the steps but at two, someone pulls the referee out of the ring. It’s the returning Edge, who I presume was hiding under the ring. He steals a camera and clocks Taker with it before hitting a Conchairto on the steps. Batista has no idea this is going on after the Tombstone. Edge pulls the champ on top and the pin is pretty much academic.

Rating: B+. This was very good but it never quite got to that level that they were hoping for it to I don’t think. The problem is this was match was based on respect instead of hatred which takes a lot out of a match like this. Edge would win the title in a triple threat next month and eventually lose it to Taker at Wrestlemania.

After the Cell is raised, Edge beats on Taker some more to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was a nice surprise. The tag title match is some uninspired stuff but other than that (ignoring the non-match between Khali and Horny) there’s nothing bad on here at all. The Divas match is what it is and if the worst thing I have to do is look at Kelly Kelly and Maria in barely there shorts for five minutes, I’ve got a good show on my hands. The big matches delivered and the other matches aren’t bad so this is a solid show all around and worth checking out.

Ratings Comparison

CM Punk vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz

Original: B-

Redo: C

Mickie James/Maria/Torrie Wilson/Michelle McCool/Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix/Melina/Jillian Hall/Victoria/Layla

Original: D

Redo: D

Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes

Original: D

Redo: C-

Team HHH vs. Team Umaga

Original: C-

Redo: B-

Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle

Original: N/A

Redo: N/A

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels

Original: D+

Redo: B

Batista vs. Undertaker

Original: A-

Redo: B+

Overall Rating

Original: B-

Redo: B

The main thing I’ve learned about myself from these redos is that I was a lot looser with my grades back then. The redo grades here are a lot more toned down and it’s a bit harder to please me now.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/16/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2007-batista-vs-undertaker-in-the-cell/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Survivor Series 2006
Date: November 26, 2006
Location: Wachovia Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 15,400
Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

After last year’s solid edition, the main event this year is Booker T vs. Batista. Think about that match for a minute and it just sounds like something that’s going to be dull. This is also a Last Chance match, meaning that if Batista doesn’t win the title here, he gets NO MORE CHANCES at Booker. If that’s not a sign as to what’s coming, you’re beyond my help. The other match that people remember here is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO. Let’s get to it.

This is the 20^th show so we talk about tradition and all that jazz. Then it turns into a regular video about a PPV, but a good one.

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Ric Flair, Sgt. Slaughter, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes

Kenny, Johnny, Nicky, Mikey

Slaughter is replacing a cancer ridden Roddy Piper. Actually he got very lucky as he got a concussion because of a Conchairto from Edge, and on the tests the cancer was found. Arn Anderson is here with the Legends and we get the awesome Horsemen music. The only member of the Squad still around is Nicky, more famous as Dolph Ziggler. Mikey is Mike Mondo in ROH at the moment.

Simmons and Mikey start things off and guess who wins the slugout. Simmons beats up all of them but Mitch, the fifth member of the squad not in the match, interferes and gets Ron on the floor. Mitch’s distraction leads to Simmons getting counted out. Mitch gets ejected but Simmons beats him up first. Anderson gets ejected as well for no apparent reason. The Philly fans are TICKED. Nicky comes in to face Sarge and he mocks the salute. Fan: “PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!”

Sarge beats him up with ease and it’s off to Dusty for some gyrating and elbows to the arm. It’s off to Flair and you know the Philly fans are all for that one. A chop later and it’s right back to Slaughter who hooks the Cobra Clutch, but Dusty and Kenny come in to fight, allowing Johnny to kick Sarge in the head to give Nicky a pin. Off to Dusty who hits the bionic elbow for the immediate elimination of Nicky, making it 3-2. Dusty gets caught in the corner but he gyrates it off.

The Flip Flop and Fly takes Kenny down but another elbow misses, giving Kenny a rollup (with jeans) pin. It’s Kenny/Johnny/Mikey vs. Flair now with Mikey starting first. Flair chops him into the corner but Mikey starts punching away. Ric hits a quick atomic drop and gets a rollup with feet on the ropes (now THAT is vintage Flair) for the elimination. Kenny gets in some shots but ducks his head and gets cradled for the pin, leaving Flair vs. Johnny. Less than a minute later it’s a Figure Four to give Flair the win.

Rating: C-. This was exactly what it was expected to be and that’s all it should have been. The legends were there to have a feel good nostalgia moment and get eliminated so Flair, the only one who had been active in the last three years or so, could knock out all of the Squad and give the fans a feel good moment. Also it’s only about ten minutes long so it’s not like this was anything major. It’s not a good technical match, but if that’s what you’re expecting here, you missed the point entirely. Besides, the Squad was gone literally the next night.

Post match the Squad beats down Flair and the Legends….are nowhere in sight. Kind of a downer.

We recap Benoit vs. Chavo. Benoit came back from an injury and won the US Title but Vickie and Chavo, his former friends, wanted nothing to do with him. Chavo and Vickie didn’t like Rey making his name off Eddie’s legacy, which is true but I don’t blame Rey for it. Chavo injured Rey’s knee (Mysterio needed time off for surgery) but when Benoit tried to make the save, the Guerreros weren’t happy. I’ve heard of worse reasons for a title match. There was some nonsense about Eddie’s estate that I don’t remember going anywhere. That would be one of those worse reasons.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Benoit, the champion, pounds away to start and hits a quick backbreaker for one. Some knees to the ribs set up a snap suplex for another two. Chavo comes back with a bunch of forearms and stomps in the corner, only to get caught in the Crossface. Vickie makes the save by putting Chavo’s boot on the face. JBL: “You don’t know what she shaves Chavo.” Chavo hits a pair of suplexes for two and it’s off to a chinlock.

Benoit comes out of it with a Samoan Drop of all things but gets dropkicked right back down for two. Another suplex is countered and Benoit rolls some Germans to set up the Swan Dive. Vickie grabs Benoit’s foot and the distraction makes the Swan Dive miss, sending his head crashing into the mat again. Chavo suplexes him down (again) but the Frog Splash only gets two. Benoit loads up the Sharpshooter but gets kicked off into Vickie who is on the apron. There’s the Crossface and Chavo taps out.

Rating: D+. That’s likely a bit low but this was a dull match. Chavo came off as more of an annoyance than a challenge here and that never makes for an entertaining match. I still shudder whenever I see Benoit take a head shot like he did off the Swan Dive as I always wonder which shot was the point of no return for him.

Watch the Extreme Elimination Chamber at December to Dismember! NEXT SUNDAY!!!

Lita says that she’s done after tonight’s match (that’s actually true) and she’s glad it’s in front of these horrible fans in Philadelphia. Edge makes some Donovan McNabb jokes and says his team is going to take out Team DX. After he leaves, Cryme Tyme leaves Lita’s locker room with a box of her stuff.

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Mickie James

Lita is defending. I miss Mickie with those skirts that keep flying up. Lita slaps Mickie in the face to start, causing Mickie to choke away in the corner. The champ comes back by literally throwing Mickie around which is a bit less than what you would expect from someone as talented as Lita. Mickie goes up and gets slammed off the top as this is one sided so far.

A quick snap suplex gets two for Lita as this continues to be slow. I can’t at all complain about the upskirt shots of Mickie though. Off to a sleeper by Lita which is the last thing this match needed. Mickie gets in the ropes and avoids a charge in the corner. She goes up and is immediately suplexed down for two. Now the fans think Lita has herpes.

Mickie hits a SWEET spinning kick to take Lita’s head off followed by a fisherman’s suplex for two (and a GREAT crotch shot of Mickie). Moonsault gets two for Lita but the Edgecution is countered, giving Mickie two. They trade rollups and Mickie hits the jumping DDT to retire Lita and win the title.

Rating: D. Most of that is for getting great views of Mickie and Lita’s rocking cleavage. Other than that, this was some pretty uninspired stuff. Lita left when she should have as she had nothing left to accomplish and no one like Trish to work with. Pretty terrible match here but it passed the torch to Mickie who was indeed the future of the division.

Lita asks for a microphone and makes Lillian tell the crowd to cheer for her. She doesn’t like being booed and is glad to get to leave in front of Philly because its fans suck. Here’s Cryme Tyme with a box of Lita’s stuff they stole earlier. They’re having a HO Sale and it’s cash only. The first item sold: Lita’s yeast infection medicine for one dollar.

Cryme Tyme realizes JBL is at the announce table and offer the goods to him. He says he’s the only person in America who doesn’t have some of Lita’s panties so he gives them $100. The next item: Lita’s vibrator. Dang she’s bored in the locker room. That goes for 25 bucks and there’s only one thing left. It’s cheap, it’s wide, you can put your head in it: it’s Lita’s box. That goes for I think 20 bucks to end a hilarious segment.

Batista has nothing to say about the title match tonight. Booker attacked Batista at the contract signing and hit him in the throat with a scepter. After seeing a clip of it, Batista says he’s leaving tonight with the title.

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Shawn Michaels, HHH, Hardy Boys, CM Punk

Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Mike Knox, Gregory Helms

This is Punk’s first major match and Jeff is IC Champion. DX plays to the crowd for a LONG time before the heel entrances. The fans of course LOVE Punk, so he gets to ask if the fans are ready. I believe Helms, the current Cruiserweight Champion, is feuding with Matt Hardy at this point. Knox has some chick named Kelly Kelly with him and at the moment, she’s an exhibitionist. Rated-RKO are the Raw Champions too so most of the gold in the company is in this match.

HHH asks Kelly to flash him and has Shawn cover his eyes. Knox comes in to stop it, Shawn kicks him in the face to eliminate him. Shawn to HHH: “Who was that guy?” Points for a funny bit if nothing else. Nitro comes in to speed things up but Shawn slides to the floor and puts his arm around Melina. We’ve got a comedy match here. Off to Jeff who works on the arm of Nitro. Apparently these two have been feuding a bit too lately.

Off to Matt so the Hardys can hit some nice double team stuff. Nitro finally gets in a shot to the face and it’s off to Helms. Matt is slammed off the top and it’s off to Edge to stomp on Matt. Well that’s appropriate. Back to Helms for a suplex and it’s immediately off to Orton. After some very basic stuff, here’s Nitro again so Melina can SCREECH. Matt hooks the Side Effect and there’s the tag to Punk. Punk immediately starts his strikes and hits the knee/bulldog in the corner.

Nitro blocks the Rock Bottom but the second attempt (with an assist from Matt) sets up the Vice for the tap out. Edge comes in to face Punk and you can feel the internet’s orgasm coming (pun intended). Punk pounds on him in the corner but Orton guillotines Punk on the top rope to give the heels their first advantage. Randy comes in and hits a dropkick for two before it’s back to Helms. After some knees to the face, Helms hits a one knee Codebreaker to put Punk down.

Back to Orton for a slugout with Punk, resulting in the RKO taking Punk down. Why Randy can’t cover immediately isn’t quite clear but Shawn makes the save anyway. Edge gets the tag but spears the buckle. JR: “That middle turnbuckle isn’t in the match!” Hot tag brings in HHH to face Helms and the beating is on fast. A facebuster puts Helms down but the Edge-O-Matic breaks up the Pedigree. Everything breaks down and Jeff and Shawn dive on Rated-RKO.

Matt comes in with the Twist on Helms followed by a Swanton to make it 5-2. The heels take their belts and walk but the Hardys will have none of that. Team DX take turns beating up both members and it’s Sweet Chin Music to eliminate Edge. So it’s Orton vs. five guys now and Randy tries to run, but the Hardys and Punk stop him. Back in and it’s Chin Music and the Pedigree to complete the sweep.

Rating: C-. This was entertaining but when you consider the captains were in a pretty big feud, this is kind of a questionable ending. The guy that gets the big rub here is Punk, as he goes from a guy on the C show to rubbing elbows with two of the biggest stars ever and one of the best tag teams ever. Fun match here but it didn’t really accomplish much.

We recap Kennedy vs. Undertaker. Basically Kennedy wants to break the legend of Taker, or about the same thing as about half the feuds Taker has had in years. It’s a first blood tonight because Kennedy busted Taker open on Smackdown recently. Kennedy got a blood bath from Taker’s magic powers.

Kennedy isn’t worried but MVP comes up and notices the vasoline on Kennedy’s forehead. Apparently these two are friends.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

I keep typing Anderson instead of Kennedy. Kennedy immediately drops to the floor to try to get an early advantage, but as soon as they get back in Taker punches him down. We head back to the floor and Kennedy gets punched over the announce table with Taker in total control. We head to the crowd and Taker hits a pair of headbutts. Back to ringside and Kennedy gets in his first big move by sending Taker into the steps.

Kennedy tries to dive off the apron but gets caught and rammed into the post. This has been almost all Taker so far. We head back in and Taker busts out a freaking superplex to put Kennedy down. The offense looks good but don’t you need to go for the head? I don’t know if internal bleeding counts but it’s the best I can come up with. Kennedy hits Taker low but Taker immediately comes back with a kick to the face.

A buckle was taken off somewhere in there by Kennedy but Taker sends him into it twice in a row. Kennedy kicks Taker low again and Kennedy is bleeding from the mouth. He rolls to the floor before the referee can see it and here’s MVP with a towel to clean up the blood. They start to walk away, but MVP throws Kennedy back in the ring which is payback for Kennedy doing the same thing to MVP on Smackdown.

Taker pounds away in the corner but Kennedy drops him face first on the exposed buckle. Kennedy starts pounding away but MVP brings in a chair to hit….someone, but it winds up hitting Taker and busts him open to give Kennedy the upset win. The fans boo that out of the building because Taker is such a legend at this point.

Rating: C. This was a decent brawl but the ending, which was to advance Taker/Kane vs. MVP/Kennedy, kind of sucks. The feud just never worked because at the end of the day, it’s two guys who are career midcarders at this point against two former world champions who can beat up anyone. Kennedy never got to the point where they wanted him to be due to various reasons, but this is the fifth former world champion he had beaten.

Kennedy beats up Taker post match but Taker snaps up and pounds him down as well. Taker WHACKS him with the chair to get a gasp from the crowd. JBL LOSES IT as Kennedy gets beaten up even more and tombstoned.

Buy Piper’s DVD! No really, that one is worth checking out. Stay FAR away from his book though. It’s HORRIBLE.

Sharmell tells Booker to be excited because tonight is Batista’s last chance.

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu, Rob Van Dam

Big Show, Test, MVP, Finlay, Umaga

Let’s see. It’s Philadelphia and we’ve got Sabu and RVD on one team. Who do you think the fans are going to be cheering for? Cena is Raw World Champion and Big Show is ECW Champion. Umaga is still undefeated and a monster. Naturally Cena is booed out of the building. Cena and Umaga start things off with Cena knocking Umaga to the floor. Everything breaks down and Umaga gets a monitor to knock out RVD for a DQ. Umaga also destroys the rest of Team Cena because that’s what savages do.

We finally get down to Finlay vs. RVD but it’s quickly off to Test for some bland big man power stuff. Back to Irish dude for some stomping and then to really mix things up, MVP comes in and stomps as well. Van Dam is bleeding from the mouth as MVP puts on a chinlock. Rob comes back with a cradle for two and a spin kick to take MVP down. Van Dam kicks all of the heels including a LOUD one to Finlay. Test tries to ram RVD into the post but since he’s big and dumb, Test’s head goes into it instead. Kane chokeslams MVP and the Five Star gets the pin for Rob.

While Van Dam is getting up, Test immediately comes in and kicks his head off to make it 4-3. Test gets sent to the floor and Lashley spears him down, followed by a tornado DDT from Sabu back inside for the pin. Show immediately chokeslams Sabu to make it 3-2 and it’s time for the giants to fight. Oh joy indeed. They both grabs chokeslam grips but here’s Hornswoggle (the Little Bastard at the moment) for a distraction. Finlay clocks Kane with that club that I can’t spell so Show can pin Kane after a chokeslam. Starting with MVP’s pin, those five eliminations all came within less than two minutes. I didn’t skip anything in there.

To recap, it’s Show/Finlay vs. Cena/Lashley. Cena comes in to face the monster but is immediately taken down. Off to Finlay for a clothesline and some good old fashioned cheating. Show sends Cena flying off a headbutt and it’s back to the heel corner. After more of a beating, Cena fights them both off and makes the hot tag to Lashley. Powerslam is escaped but a spear puts Finlay down for two.

A double clothesline from Show puts Cena and Lashley down and here’s Horny again. Cena loads him up in the FU and in the distraction, Lashley spears Finlay down to make it 2-1. Both good guys take their turns on Show including stuff like double DDTs and double suplexes. JR calls Cena cock strong and I don’t want to know what that one means. Lashley breaks up the chokeslam with a spear and the FU gets the final pin.

Rating: D. As I was writing that, it felt like I was just saying what was happening and nothing special was going on. The reason it felt like nothing was going on was because nothing was going on. This match was as paint by numbers as you could ever ask for and that makes for a VERY dull match. Cena hitting the FU on Show is always worth seeing, but this didn’t work at all.

JR says that Lashley is debuting at Survivor Series tonight which is flat out wrong. To be a bit fair though, JR wasn’t on commentary for that match last year.

The Extreme Elimination Chamber is coming.

We recap Booker T vs. Batista. Booker won the King of the Ring and became a king with a bad British accent before winning the title off Rey Mysterio. He kept cheating to beat Batista and tonight is Big Dave’s last shot at the title unless he wins. Batista never lost the title in the first place and had to drop it due to injury, so tonight is his last chance to regain what he thinks is still his.

Before the match, Teddy comes out and says that if Booker gets counted out or DQ’ed, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Batista vs. Booker T

Booker is defending in case you’re really stupid. Batista jumps him in the aisle and the referee says you have to get it in the ring. Why? Batista can win the title via countout, so no he doesn’t need to get it in the ring. Booker fires off some chops in the corner and is immediately punched in the face for his efforts. A suplex puts Booker down but he escapes an early Batista Bomb attempt.

After Booker gets back in, Batista hits a clothesline for two. This isn’t really working so far. Booker finally comes back with a hot shot to take over before slingshotting Batista’s throat into the bottom rope. Batista comes back with some right hands but Booker pokes him in the eye. We’re about five minutes into this and it’s not clicking at all. Big Dave comes out of nowhere with a side slam for two followed by a Jackhammer. Why has no one made that a finisher since Goldberg? It’s a good power move but no one uses it really. That’s very odd.

A Boss Man Slam gets two for Batista and they head to the apron to slug it out. Cole brings up a good question: what happens if there’s a double countout or double DQ? Presumably it would be a draw and Booker keeps the title? Right? A Sharmell distraction lets Booker take over as JBL goes on a tirade about Teddy Long being racist. Side kick puts Batista down for two. We hit a chinlock to fill in some time which is probably the last thing they should do right now. Batista comes back with some right hands and a belly to belly suplex for two.

Batista cranks things up and knocks Booker to the floor before sending him into the steps. Back in and a top rope shoulder gets two. The spinebuster gets the same but Booker grabs the Bookend for two. Batista comes back with the Batista Bomb but the champ grabs the rope. Sharmell gives Booker the title, Batista takes it from him and clocks Booker with it, new champion. Yep that’s really how this ends. Not with a Batista Bomb, but with Batista cheating.

Rating: D-. A horrible match to end a horrible show is always appropriate. Batista getting the title back was probably the right move as he was insanely over and hadn’t been champion since January. This match didn’t work at all though and it was the last time Booker would be near the world title, which is probably a good thing if he’s as bad as he looked here.

Overall Rating: D-. When the second best match of your show is a group of guys in their late fifties or early sixties beating up male cheerleaders for ten minutes, your show is in trouble. There’s NOTHING worth seeing here at all and this show sucked. The other odd thing here is where the time went.

This show runs about two hours and forty minutes and the longest match (main event) doesn’t break fourteen minutes. There’s no big segment on it either so I have no idea where the time went. Other than the main event nothing is awful but there’s nothing worth watching. Either way, this is an awful show and probably the worst since the 90s.

Ratings Comparison

Team Legends vs. Spirit Squad

Original: C+

Redo: C-

Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero

Original: B

Redo: D+

Mickie James vs. Lita

Original: B

Redo: D

Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO

Original: B

Redo: C-

Mr. Kennedy vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

Redo: C

Team Cena vs. Team Big Show

Original: D+

Redo: D

Batista vs. Booker T

Original: D-

Redo: D-

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D-

WHAT WAS I THINKING ON THOSE EARLIER MATCHES???

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/11/15/history-of-survivor-series-count-up-2006-who-thought-batista-vs-booker-was-a-good-idea/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews