Smackdown
Date: September 7, 2012
Location: I Wireless Center, Moline, Illinois
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

The main story tonight is the potential legal action that Del Rio and Otunga are going to be taking against Sheamus. For those of you keeping score, this would be the second time in roughly a month that legal action has been part of this feud. When they can’t even keep fresh ideas going in a single feud, it may be a sign that there’s a problem. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video from Raw of Sheamus’ Brogue Kick to Ricardo and the announcement of Otunga taking legal action for it.

Otunga, Ricardo and Del Rio leave Booker’s office.

Do You Know Your Enemy? Mine is Alberto Del Rio who is the anchor Smackdown is trying to run with.

Here’s Del Rio and company in the arena to start things off. Del Rio talks about being on the roll of his career after beating Orton and Kane in back to back weeks. I would have thought beating Punk and Cena at the same time in the Cell for the world title would be better than that but what do I know? Del Rio says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions but that’s not enough. He wants the Brogue Kick banned because kicking someone in the head is a criminal act.

Ricardo isn’t just his servant. He’s Del Rio’s friend. The Brogue Kick has hurt dozens of people, but the cross armbreaker is elegant and pure. Otunga says he’s the only Harvard educated attorney in the history of WWE. He’s been hired because what happened to Ricardo was predetermined and intentional. We get a highlight reel of the Brogue Kick and all the people it’s beaten. I wonder if they’re actually going to get rid of it. I mean, they got rid of the Punt.

Otunga talks about meeting with Booker T, which brings out the GM himself. Booker says that was supposed to be confidential but Otunga brought it out to the people. Booker asks the people if the Brogue Kick should be banned and after a lot of booing, the kick is declared to be legal.

We get a throwaway line from Josh, saying that Kane has been fined an undisclosed amount for attacking him recently.

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara vs. The Miz/Cody Rhodes

Miz and Mysterio start things off. The champion pounds Mysterio down but Rey comes back with some kicks to the leg and a tag is made to Cara. A double kick from the masked men gets two on Miz as we take a break. These breaks a minute into the match need to stop. Back with Cara armdragging Cody across the ring and the tag being made to Mysterio. Miz pulls Cody away from the 619 and distracts Rey in the back to let Cody get control.

Rey drop toeholds Cody into the buckle and makes the tag to Cara. Sin (I guess I can call him that) speeds things way up but Coach Miz tells Cody to duck, allowing Miz to get the tag and a shot to the back of Cara to take over. The corner clothesline sets up the double ax off the top for two for Miz. Cody comes in with a delayed release gordbuster for two. The announcers are talking about Cody’s obsession with the masks which is all I’ve been wanting from this feud. They’ve touched on it a bit but hearing them flat out say it is nice.

Cody hooks a cravate but Cara gets into a bulldog position but backflips over to slam Cody’s head into the mat. Nice counter. Hot tag brings in Rey to face Miz and speed things up again. Miz counters a headscissors and rolls through a sunset flip, followed by a kick to the face of Rey for two. That was a slick sequence. Mysterio and Miz trade control on a rollup, resulting in Cody kicking Miz in the head by mistake. Cody is sent to the floor and hit by a big dive from Cara. The 619 and a top rope splash pin Miz at 7:38 shown of 11:08.

Rating: B-. The last minute or two of this was some very nice stuff with Miz looking awesome out there. He was hanging move for move with Mysterio which isn’t something you would expect him to be able to do. The ending was somewhat creative too with the rollup reversals leading to heel miscommunication. I was digging this one and I would be fine with the masked guys going after the tag titles. It would give Cara some success and Rey something to do.

Horny wants to hug it out with Bryan but settles for a handshake instead. Horny kicks Bryan in the shin and runs off. Bryan has to breathe and calm down.

Otunga threatens Booker with legal action if he doesn’t rethink his decision. Booker looks at some pictures and says he’ll think about it. Otunga isn’t pleased and asks Booker to meet him in the training room.

We get a recap of the hugging from Raw. In other words, we’re standing around reminiscing about the times we stood around. Miz giving commentary about the rules is kind of funny. In the video when the hug happens, a song that sounds like it belongs on The Wiggles comes on and bright colors come on the screen. Ok, that’s kind of awesome.

Daniel Bryan vs. Zach Ryder

Bryan fighting his inner demons on the way to the ring is awesome stuff. Ryder grabs a quick rollup for two and Bryan fires off some NO Kicks to come back. More kicks to the chest have Ryder in a lot of trouble. Ryder hits a face jam and gets up the knees in the corner. Broski Boot hits but Bryan begs off before the Rough Ryder. Bryan begs for understanding and asks for a hug, but he suckers Ryder into the NO Lock for the tap at 2:58. That was good stuff.

Bryan won’t let go of the hold and the referee reverses the decision.

There’s a match about to start but here’s Sandow instead. He sees his loss via countout last week as justice. He wasn’t prepared for that match and doesn’t like what social media had to say about it. Sandow says he was being intelligent last week, not being a coward. The people that TOUT IT OUT are cowards. No one would call him a coward to his face. Instead of tweeting, why not read a book? “When Albert Einstein discovered the theory of relativity, I assure all of you he did not TOUT about it!” I love this man. Anyway, Orton interrupts him and it’s time for Sandow to rub elbows with another big name.

Randy Orton vs. Damien Sandow

Orton looks different for some reason. The bell rings and here are Dolph and Vickie. The bell rings again for no apparent reason and Orton takes him to the mat with a headlock. They fight for control in a collar and elbow tieup but Sandow punches Orton in the face to escape. Orton shrugs it off and Damien bails to the floor. Back in and Sandow avoids the backbreaker and heads to the floor again, only to get clotheslined down by a following Orton.

Ziggler gets up on the table and distracts Randy, allowing Sandow to ram Randy into the apron and take over. Back in and Sandow works on the arm as we take a break. Sandow putting on a chinlock. A Russian legsweep sets up the spinning elbow from Sandow for two. Orton avoids a charge and starts his comeback with the usual clotheslines and powerslam. Elevated DDT puts Sandow down but as Orton loads up the RKO, Sandow heads to the floor and sprints up the ramp for the countout win for Orton at 6:53 shown of 10:23.

Rating: C. This was another good thing for Sandow as now he’s rubbing elbows with the main event guys. He doesn’t need to win at all for a good while and when he drops back down to the midcard he’ll have some experience to make him a guy higher up in that part of the card. The match here was fine and the ending was the right call.

Orton cuts Ziggler off as Dolph is leaving and they have a staredown. Orton punches him down and throws him into the ring, only for Dolph to get the advantage back. Randy powerslams him down but as he loads up the RKO, Sandow runs back in and takes the RKO. Ziggler bails and Orton stands tall.

Otunga shows Booker some x-rays of necks to prove how damaging the Brogue Kick is. If Booker doesn’t do what Otunga says, WWE is getting sued. Booker says he’ll think about it and makes Otunga vs. Sheamus. This would be a lot more compelling stuff if it didn’t build up Del Rio vs. Sheamus.

Prime Time Players vs. Primo/Epico vs. Usos

Winners get the title shot at Night of Champions. The only team to get an intro here is the Kofi/Truth who are on commentary. This is WCW rules with three people in the ring at once. Epico and Primo stomp on I think Jey in the corner while Young is down in the other corner. This is moving around too fast to keep up with. Titus gets the tag and cleans house before trying a release suplex to his partner onto Jey, but Jey gets his knees up.

Epico dropkicks Jey to the floor but walks into a northern lights suplex from Darren for two. Epico comes out of the corner with a tornado DDT to Young but walks into a double clothesline with Jey. Jimmy gets the hot tag and cleans house as everything breaks down. A Samoan Drop puts Young down and Jimmy dives on Titus and Primo. Jey hits the top rope splash on Epico but Young steals the pin and the title shot at 4:20.

Rating: C-. This was a mess all over the place but it certainly wasn’t boring. All signs would point to Titus and Young winning the titles now, as they’ve been beaten by the champions twice I believe, so the logical conclusion would be to have them win the third match and forget the first two. The match was too short to become a disaster and it was fast enough to be fun, but it was like the old WCW Cruiserweight matches: mostly flash and no substance, but that’s ok.

Raw ReBound is about Punk vs. Cena of course.

Eve TOUTS IT OUT about the safety issues going on. This would annoy me more if she wasn’t gorgeous.

Teddy talks to Kaitlyn about the potential lawsuit when Ziggler and Vickie show up. They go to see Booker but Teddy says Booker is busy. Ziggler wants to face Orton again because the win on Monday wasn’t a fluke. He wants the fight at Night of Champions and after some banter, Teddy says he’ll advise Booker to make the match. It’s so refreshing to see a heel step up and challenge someone.

Wade Barrett vs. Yoshi Tatsu

I think Barrett has new music but I’m not sure. For the first time that I can ever remember, Barrett starts in a boxing stance and throws some punches. Tatsu gets stuck between the ropes and Barrett kicks him in the face to take him down. Barrett fires off more punches and a kick to the ribs followed by a big elbow to the head for the pin at 1:48.

Barrett says he has no interest in meaningless matches like this. If he’s not instantly in the title picture, he’s going to do something to make his life easier on him. He declares Wade Barrett open for business. That sounds interesting. Barrett has a different style here and I’m not sure if I like it yet or not.

Sheamus vs. David Otunga

Sheamus pounds him down to start but the Brogue Kick misses and Sheamus gets caught in the ropes. Otunga guillotines him on the top rope to take over and it’s off to a chinlock. Sheamus escapes and hits some running ax handle smashes to take over. There are the ten forearms in the ropes from the champ and Otunga is in trouble. Sheamus hits White Noise and loads up the Brogue Kick, but Booker comes out and says the Brogue Kick is banned. Instead Sheamus hits a modified Irish Curse and the Texas Cloverleaf gets the submission at 4:59.

Rating: D+. The squash was just a backdrop so we could have the announcement of the kick being banned made to end the show. Otunga is good as a backstage character but in the ring the guy has never really accomplished anything of note and it’s clear that he belongs in a suit and not trunks. Total squash here.

Sheamus stares at Del Rio to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was fine from a technical standpoint as everything made sense and a lot of stories were advanced. The problem is that the main story got a lot more time than everything else and the main story is very dull. The legal stuff and having the Kick banned is an attempt to make this feud seem interesting, but the problem with taking Sheamus’ finisher away is he had just debuted a new finisher on Monday before all of this happened. The rest of the show was mostly entertaining, but again it feels like a supplement to Raw instead of its own show.

Results

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara b. Cody Rhodes/The Miz – Top rope splash to Miz

Zach Ryder b. Daniel Bryan via DQ when Bryan wouldn’t release the NO Lock

Randy Orton b. Damien Sandow via countout

Prime Time Players b. Epico/Primo and Usos – Young pinned Epico after a top rope splash from Jimmy Uso

Wade Barrett b. Yoshi Tatsu – Elbow to the head

Sheamus b. David Otunga – Texas Cloverleaf

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: December 17, 1999
Location: Siegel Center, Richmond, Virginia
Attendance: 3,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re getting close to the end of the year and hopefully we actually have some development in the tag title feud. I remember something major that was coming next week but I think that was impromptu instead of something that was set up the week before. Then again that was on Christmas Eve so it’s not like building something up would have served a purpose anyway. Let’s get to it.

Joel and Joey welcome us from the announce position instead of in the ring as usual. We actually have a #1 contenders tag match tonight.

The Impact Players are ready for Candido and Rhyno tonight.

Opening sequence.

Nova and some guy are in the back when Chris Chetti comes in and says he’s coming back tonight. Nova says no way because of Chetti’s back isn’t healed yet. Chetti doesn’t want to wind up being way too hurt and he picked the other guy (apparently Kid Kash) to be the substitute partner. Chetti leaves and accuses both guys of checking him out as he leaves, but he can’t blame them because he can turn straight people gay. Ok then.

The Baldies issue an open challenge to anyone in the back.

DeVito vs. New Jack

This would be a bit more surprising if New Jack hadn’t already been announced as facing one of the Baldies tonight. Jack breaks a crutch over DeVito’s back to start followed by breaking a keyboard over his head. Joel: “I think he just swallowed an asterisk!” Something metal follows that upside DeVito’s head and the keyboard is placed between DeVito’s legs and crushed with a kendo stick. A top rope guitar shot gets the pin. Yes, they actually called this a wrestling match.

Post the alleged match New Jack pulls out a fork but before he can embrace his inner Abdullah, the other Baldies run in for the save. They staple New Jack’s ear and we go to a break.

Back with Da Baldies still in the ring and issuing another open challenge.

Mike Awesome vs. Grimes

Well that’s quite an answer. Grimes takes over to start with a top rope clothesline but Awesome pops back up. This isn’t for the title I don’t think. Awesome snaps off a German and clotheslines Grimes to the floor, giving us three more wrestling moves than in the whole New Jack thing. Awesome hits a big dive to take out Grimes on the floor. I have no idea if Awesome is a face or a heel but he’s wrestling like the former here.

A big chair shot to the back of Grimes keeps him in trouble but he reverses Awesome into the barricade. Awesome is like screw that and slams Grimes’ head into the concrete to take over again. It’s table time already and Grimes is powerbombed off the apron through said table, which is good for the pin back in the ring. Total squash.

Judge Jeff Jones (Awesome’s manager) says Awesome is the best giant in the world. Cue the giant killer Spike Dudley for the Acid Drop on the champion.

Danny Doring is in the shower and Elektra joins him. He pulls back the curtain but finds Roadkill instead. Francine comes in and Elektra pops in and complains about hearing Francine here. Elektra threatens Doring with castration. This went nowhere.

Joey is talking about the upcoming match when Joel pops up in a towel saying he wants more shower scenes.

Tom Marquez vs. Super Calo vs. Ikuto Hidaka

Hidaka gets sent to the floor by a double team, followed by Marquez turning on Calo almost immediately. Hidaka pops back in and takes out Calo but Marquez pounds him into the corner. A tornado DDT from Hidaka gets two on Marquez but Calo comes back in with a springboard missile dropkick. Hidaka dropkicks everyone down and here’s Sabu to beat up all three guys. Another too short to rate match.

All three guys are driven through the same table. Must be a budget cutback. Sabu vs. Van Dam for the TV Title is official for the PPV.

Buy our stuff!

Rhyno/Chris Candido vs. Impact Players

The winners get Raven and Dreamer at the PPV for the titles. Rhyno and Justin start things off and it’s power vs. speed. A wheelbarrow slam puts Justin on the floor and it’s off to Candido vs. Storm who have history of their own. Things get a lot more technical and Candido takes Storm down, followed by a middle rope legdrop. Storm ducks under a charging Candido to Chris into a superkick from Credible.

Jason slides in a chair because what would an ECW match be without one? Justin backdrops Candido onto the chair and drops a knee for no cover. Candido blocks what might have been a suplex and DDTs Justin onto the chair. Off to Rhyno and Justin gets double teamed. Justin gets a tag out of nowhere and Storm comes in with a springboard clothesline to Candido.

Rhyno kills him with a spinebuster for two and it’s back to Candido again for a delayed vertical suplex on Lance. Storm escapes but gets his head kicked off by an enziguri for two. There’s a superplex on Storm but the girls come in for a catfight. Justin canes Candido and Storm avoids a Gore, sending it into Candido by mistakes. Justin superkicks Candido down to get the title shot at Guilty As Charged.

Rating: C. Not terrible here as for the most part it was just a tag match instead of some big wild brawl. Also, we FINALLY advance the story instead of doing the same things over and over again which is a major perk. We have a title match to build to now which is all I’ve been wanting from this story. Well that and less Justin but you can’t get everything.

Candido and Rhyno get in an argument in the aisle while Storm says the Impact Players will win the titles. Storm talks down about Sandman and here’s Sandy himself. The entrance is sped up here and only takes about a minute and a half. The Players leave and Jason is left all alone. There’s a cane shot to his head and multiple more to his body. Jason is a decoy though and Sandman gets beaten down. Sandman gets in some offense but Rhyno comes back in and Gores him out of frustration.

Raven talks about needing to do the right thing because he can’t fight Dreamer again. Dreamer is too strong for him now and they need to take out the Impact Players at the PPV. He begs Dreamer to understand that but the camera pans back to show that he’s talking to Francine.

Overall Rating: C. Better show this week because the main story was actually advanced. Also whenever Mike Awesome goes out there and destroys whatever people he sees in his path it’s a good day. The shows have picked up since the world champion is around and since we’ve actually started building up to the PPV. That’s what’s been missing the last three or four weeks.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on TNN
Date: December 10, 1999
Location: The Tabernacle, Atlanta, Georgia
Attendance: 2,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Joel Gertner

We’re slowly getting to Guilty As Charged but it’s still far enough away that we don’t need to talk about it yet. The main story here is still Raven vs. Dreamer because it worked in 95 so of course it’ll work now right? These shows are all over the place most of the time so there’s no way to know what’s coming here. Let’s get to it.

We open with Van Dam in the ring dedicating his title defense tonight to Sabu who is here but injured apparently. Sabu doesn’t like it and has to be held back. Van Dam calls Sabu the Sheik’s (Sabu’s legit uncle and trainer) second favorite wrestler.

We cut to the back where Raven is ramming his head against the wall but Dreamer comes in to stop him, saying they’re proud of Raven.

Theme song.

Joey and Joel are in the ring and after our opening limerick, we throw it to a recap of last week with Steve Corino going to a Limp Bizkit concert. Back in the arena we have Corino and Jack Victory in the ring. Corino bashes hardcore wrestling and hardcore music but praises the Backstreet Boys, N’Sync and Britney Spears. Corino goes on a rant about how bad music is and then complains about Dusty Rhodes……who happens to be in the crowd.

Corino rants about how everyone here is drunk and Dusty killed WCW. Dusty comes to the ring with a smile on his face and gets in Corino’s face. Corino calls himself the future of pro wrestling and says he never respected Dusty. Dusty elbows Steve and Victory in the head and drops the big elbow on Corino.

After some ads, Dusty is in the ring still. He takes a bow and that’s it.

We recap the Hardcore TV taping from earlier.

The Impact Players say they can both beat Sandman and don’t need any help.

Spike Dudley vs. Uganda

Acid Drop pins Uganda in almost less time than it takes me to type this sentence. Uganda isn’t Kamala in case you’re one of the many who think this. Basically he’s a Kamala imitator, as in he looks identical to him, wears the same attire, has the same paint, and wrestles just like him. Different guys though.

RVD (stoned even more than he usually is) says he was the star of his team with Sabu.

ECW World Title: Mike Awesome vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

Awesome (the champion) runs Scorpio over to start and Scorpio isn’t sure what to do. Scorpio knocks him to the ramp (the arena is strange as the aisle to the ring is on the level with the ring but the ring itself is in a kind of a pit) and hits a flip dive to take over, but back in the ring Awesome suplexes him to the floor. Scorpio is launched into the crowd and the champion dives over the barricade with a clothesline.

A chair to the back puts Scorpio back at ringside and a charge into the chair into Scorpio gets two back in the ring. Another tackle puts 2 Cold down and a clothesline knocks him inside out. This has been a total squash so far. Scorpio grabs a quick cradle for two and “hits” a superkick to set up a big top rope splash for two. A moonsault gets the same but Scorpio walks into a modified powerbomb for two.

Awesome hits a sweet release German suplex and it’s table time. It is ECW after all. Jazz, Scorpio’s manager, gets in and Scorpio has to save her from being powerbombed through the table. There’s another superkick to Awesome but Scorpio takes too much time to go up top and a HUGE powerbomb through the table kills 2 Cold dead to keep the title on Awesome.

Rating: C. I like both of these guys so I was a fan of this match before it started. This was when Scorpio was a shell of his old self when he was flying all over the place back in WCW in the early 90s. Good stuff here though as Awesome was moving around like Scorpio used to despite being bigger and taller than Scorpio ever was. Fun stuff.

Justin Credible is here to complain about Sandman having a Singapore Cane of his own. Apparently Jason, the Impact Players’ lackey, has stolen Sandman’s Cane.

Justin Credible vs. The Sandman

Sandman has what looks like a broom. After a break Sandman is going after the cane but gets caught by a baseball slide to send him into the barricade. Justin rams him into a chair in the ring but Sandman gets a shot in of his own and heads to the floor where he climbs a magically appearing ladder. He climbs the ladder and then climbs back down, making this another pointless ECW sequence.

Justin puts the ladder in the corner between the ropes and due to wrestling law #1, is sent into it himself, getting a two for Sandy. The ladder is placed on the top rope and Justin is launched into it for two. A slingshot legdrop onto the ladder onto Justin gets two again and it’s time for another table. The table is set in the corner but Credible grabs a sleeper out of nowhere. Speaking of out of nowhere, here’s Rhyno to Gore both guys through the table. The White Russian Leg Sweep would seem to get the pin but Lance Storm comes in and hits a missile dropkick on Sandman to drive a chair into his face and give Justin the pin.

Rating: D+. This is a great contrast of two kinds of matches. The world title match had a coherent story to it (mostly) and both guys were hitting almost everything they used. This was a lot messier with the weapons being the focus of the match instead of the wrestlers in the ring, which is almost never a good thing.

Post match Dreamer runs out to beat up Storm and we get a Dawn Marie vs. Francine catfight.

After a recap of the show, Dreamer yells at Raven who says he wasn’t going to help Sandman. Dreamer calls him Scotty to prove how serious he is.

Overall Rating: D+. This just wasn’t that good. Corino finally has an actual wrestler to feud with and the world title match wasn’t bad, but the focus is still completely on the tag title feud and I only have kind of an idea what’s going on. The Impact Players want the titles and Candido (not here tonight) and Rhyno want the titles and Dreamer hates Raven and Sandman is in there somewhere and Raven hates Sandman. Now one question: when are the belts going to be defended? That’s the main (of multiple) problems with this: there’s no match anywhere in sight so far. Not a horrible show but still messy.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is something I’ve thought of before but this was written by Lance Storm, who you should certainly read on a regular basis.  As you can likely tell, this was written late last year. What do the Intercontinental and United States Titles even mean? Punk is the best wrestler in the WWE, Bryan the best wrestler in the World, so is Rhodes the best wrestler in North and South America, and Ryder the best wrestler in the USA. There seems to be a lot of contradiction and over lap with that explanation.

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 6, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Taz

It’s the final night of the BFG Series and the final spots this Sunday are up for grabs. Other than that, not a ton matters. I’m sure we’ll hear more about the Aces and 8’s stuff from last week, but it’ll be minor to say the least. Also we’ll probably get more of the card set up for Sunday which is desperately needed at this point. Let’s get to it.

We get videos from everyone still in the running for the spots in the Series.

Bound For Glory Series Leaderboard

James Storm 73

Samoa Joe 68

Rob Van Dam 55

Bully Ray 55

AJ Styles 50

Jeff Hardy 49

Kurt Angle 48

Mr. Anderson 47

Christopher Daniels 33

Magnus 33

Robbie E 12

D’Angelo Dinero 7 (injured)

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy

I think Joe has clinched a spot already. Jeff tries to work on the arm to start but gets shoved to the floor with ease. Joe follows out and rams Jeff into the steps, but a charge misses and Jeff dives at him off the steps with Poetry In Motion as we take a break. Back with Joe in control again. Apparently Hardy has to win by pin or submission to make it to the PPV and Joe needs a pin or submission to get the #1 spot and to be able to pick his opponent.

Joe hits his corner enziguri and Jeff sells it like he’s dead as always. That gets two so Joe pounds him down again but still only gets two. The fat man is getting frustrated and here comes Jeff’s comeback. He fires off some clotheslines and the mule kick as Joe can’t keep up with the speed all of a sudden. Jeff hits the legdrop between Joe’s legs and a low dropkick for two.

A jawbreaker looks to set up the Swanton but Joe gets up before it’s launched. Twist of Fate is countered into the Clutch but Jeff rams him into the buckle. The Whisper in the Wind hits Joe’s arm and there’s the Twisting Stunner into an arm trap headlock which gets the tap out for Hardy at 12:00.

Rating: B-. Another good match in the Series here although the ending wasn’t great. I think they were going with the shoulder injury from last week with Joe but they barely mentioned it so it was hard to remember. Good stuff here though and they’re both at the PPV anyway so it’s not like it matters much. I’m digging the end of the Series for one reason: the matches matter. That makes it so much better.

We recap Aces and 8’s attacking Aries lately.

Aries runs into Hogan in the back and is told the small guy that attacked him last week is here tonight. Aries has permission to do whatever he needs to take him out which pleases the champ.

Joe has something to say post match but Magnus interrupts him. Magnus says that as a team they were good but it was Joe’s fault they broke up. Magnus forgives Joe for it though and wishes him the best. He walks away and then jumps Joe from behind.

The candidates to face Daniels/Kaz are in the back for the begging to Hogan portion of our show. We have the Rob’s, Chavo/Hernandez and Gunner/Kid Kash. This is your tag team division in TNA people. After they bicker, AJ comes in and says he deserves a shot. Well he deserves them more than Kash/Gunner who already got beat by Chavo/Hernandez. Hogan eliminates AJ immediately. Ok then.

Brooke Hogan makes Tara vs. Tessmacher for the PPV. Brooke still can’t act at all. Gail comes in to yell at Brooke and we get Tara vs. Gail later.

Gail Kim vs. Tara

Well that was quick. Gail takes over to start with her usual kicks and a running shoulder to the ribs in the corner for two. Tara gets a quick sunset flip for two but Gail kicks her down again. A powerslam puts Kim down for no cover but a floatover suplex gets two for Tara. Gail tries to go up but gets caught in the Widow’s Peak off the top for the pin at 3:38.

Rating: C-. It’s absolutely mind blowing how much better this was than anything the Divas have done in months if not over a year. These chicks know how to wrestle a coherent match without looking like they’re going through a memorized script. They look natural is what I mean, and that’s the most important thing they can do.

We recap Joey Ryan’s Gut Check and attack of Snow.

Here’s Al Snow to call out Joey Ryan. Ryan happens to be here and gets in the ring. Snow says give him a mic then tells Ryan to shut up. Ryan has to go through Gut Check again but without judges. Joey says he has nothing to prove as Snow take his jacket off. Ryan finally accepts it but he has to fight Snow to get his contract. Joey says no one wants to see Snow in spandex anymore. Snow slaps Ryan down and Joey bails.

Bully Ray goes to see Joseph Park to ask what Park has found out about Aces and 8’s. Park can’t say because Sting and Hogan are the ones that hired him. Ray says be careful and that’s it.

A security guard puts a guy in a chair and leaves. Aries comes in and I think this is the guy that hit Aries last week. Aries says the guy better talk soon or else.

Back to Hogan’s office and Gunner/Kash are eliminated. Thank goodness.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray

Basically it’s winner gets in and loser is out. Ray takes over to start but they’re going very slowly so as not to make any mistakes. Van Dam starts speeding things up and fires off some kicks for two. Ray heads to the floor so Rob hits a big flip dive to take both guys down. Back in and Rob goes up, only to get crotched. Ray tries to pull him down but Van Dam’s leg gets caught in the ropes. Ray pounds away on it for a bit and it’s off to a a leg lock.

The Bully and Hebner get in an argument, allowing Van Dam to hit a shot out of the corner to take over. He pounds Ray in the head and clotheslines him down a few times before hitting the step over spinwheel kick. Rolling Thunder hits for two and a monkey flip out of the corner puts Ray down. Van Dam tries a kick off the middle rope but Ray avoids it and kicks Rob’s head off for two. A Vader Bomb misses and now Van Dam hits the kick he missed a few seconds ago. Van Dam goes up but dives into the Bubba Cutter for the pin at 8:54. Why would Rob dive with Ray already on his feet?

Rating: C+. Pretty good match here as Ray continues to be solid in the ring most of the time. More than anything else, this was a clean win. Rob isn’t going to lose his reaction from the crowd and Ray isn’t going to be pushed into being a face because of it. He won a match clean and there’s nothing wrong with that. Pay attention WWE.

The four in the Series on Sunday are Storm, Joe, Hardy and Ray.

Back to the interrogation. The guy is named Mike and he’s a freelance grip from New York. Aries wants to know what the boss wants with Aries and the title. He pulls out a pair of pliers and threatens to take Mike’s teeth out but Hogan comes in to stop it. Hogan goes after the guy but gets a call, apparently from Aces and 8’s. They want Mike back but Hogan wants the arm breaker one on one with Austin in a trade later. Aries gets the arm breaker on Sunday in exchange for Mike.

Here’s Storm to announce who he faces at the PPV. Storm talks about how he lost at Lockdown and went home but his friends thought something was missing. Then he came back here and beat Crimson before entering the BFG Series. Now he’s on top of that and he has three potential opponents. He asks the three of them to come out and gets his wish all at once. Storm talks about Hardy and Joe before picking Ray. Ray comes to the ring and Storm says he’s getting even for last year when Ray eliminated him.

Rob is in the back with Christy when Magnus comes up and says he thinks Rob isn’t who he used to be. Rob pops him in the jaw and they brawl a bit.

Tag Titles: Christopher Daniels/Kazarian vs. ???/???

It’s Chavo/Hernandez of course. The champions are run out of the ring very quickly and the challengers take over to start. Hernandez and Daniels start and it’s quickly off to Chavo with a slingshot hilo ala Eddie. Back to Hernandez for a bearhug into a belly to belly suplex. Daniels gets in just enough offense on Chavo to tag in Kaz but a hip toss stops him as well. The challengers are tagging in and out very fast. Apparently their name is Tex Mex. Why not I guess.

Daniels comes back in for a few seconds and gets beaten up as well so it’s back to Kaz who gets caught in the over the shoulder backbreaker. Hernandez does the delayed vertical while Chavo hits the Three Amigos on Daniels at the same time. That was pretty awesome. The champs are reeling and we take a break. Back with Daniels beating on Chavo before tagging in Kaz again. A running flip neckbreaker puts Chavo down and it’s back to Daniels who throws him to the floor.

Kaz hooks a double chickenwing but Chavo fights out of it and rolls into the corner to tag Hernandez. There’s the slingshot shoulder and he runs over both champions with ax handles. He and Sheamus have a few similarities in the ring. Hernandez badly screws up an Alpha Bomb and heads up. Chavo hurricanranas his own partner onto Kaz for two as Daniels makes the save.

Chavo dives onto Kaz on the floor as Daniels hits a palm strike to Hernandez. Daniels heads to the floor and Hernandez hits a HUGE dive to take both of them out. Kaz gets splashed in the corner and Daniels brings in a title belt. Hernandez picks up Kaz for something but a belt shot to the ribs lets Kaz roll up SuperMex for the pin at 14:47.

Rating: B. Good stuff here for a match with all of 20 seconds of notice. Daniels and Kaz are better on the mic than they are in the ring which says a lot given how good they are in the ring. I wasn’t expecting much coming into this and they surprised me which is always something fun to see.

Hulk comes out immediately and makes the tag champs vs. Angle/Styles for Sunday.

We run down the card for the PPV. Ion defends against Dutt, RVD vs. Magnus, the Knockouts, the tag titles, the Knockouts and the BFG stuff.

Here’s Aries with Mike to make the deal. He talks about wanting to fight the guy who broke his arm on Sunday but gets impatient. Instead of making the deal, he’s just going to beat Mike until Mike talks. Mike says he’ll talk but a big guy from Aces and 8’s comes out to save him. The big guy knocks Mike out cold before he can talk and brawls with Aries to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Another good show here as they managed to build most of a card for Sunday while still building up angles at the same time. Getting Aces and 8’s in the ring on Sunday was the next step they had to take eventually and it not being for the title is fine. Given that there’s nothing on the line on Sunday in that match and I still want to see it is a good sign. I’m impressed by how well they did things tonight and that’s a good sign.

Results
Jeff Hardy b. Samoa Joe – Arm trap headlock

Tara b. Gail Kim – Widow’s Peak

Bully Ray b. Rob Van Dam – Bubba Cutter

Christopher Daniels/Kazarian b. Hernandez/Chavo Guerrero – Rollup after a belt shot to Hernandez

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

NXT
Date: September 6, 2012
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: William Regal, Byron Saxton

We’re into the second part of NXT now as we have a champion, which means people are going to be gunning for him now. Things have been going very well so far on the show so far and hopefully things keep going the same way now that Rollins won the tournament last week. I don’t think any matches were made for this week already. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of last week’s show.

Welcome Home.

Kassius Ohno vs. Richie Steamboat

I guess I did forget a match that was scheduled. Steamboat saved Mike Dalton from getting destroyed by Ohno after a match and a challenge was issued as a result. They head to the mat to start and we have a standoff. Steamboat takes him to two different corners, pounding away in both of them. Kassius uses the forgotten heel move of poking Steamboat in the eye to take over. Richie comes back with a right hand so Ohno rakes the eyes again….and that’s a DQ at 2:42? For raking the eyes? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

Ohno kicks Steamboat to the floor post match. He beats on Richie a bit more and hits the forearm/elbow to the back of the head before Ricky Steamboat and some referees come out for the save.

Audrey Marie vs. Paige

Paige, the British chick, is from Norwitch but Byron can’t pronounce it so Regal rips into him a bit. Marie takes her to the mat to start but Paige takes over with ease. Audrey goes nuts and we’ve got a catfight. Marie winds up in control with a long rolling cradle (Terry Funk called it the Tumbleweed I believe) for two.

Audrey sends her into the corner but charges into a forearm, causing some of the most overdramatic selling I’ve ever seen. Marie looked like she got shot dead. Even Saxton sounded like he was trying not to laugh at it. Paige picks her up for what looks like a fisherman’s buster but instead drops Audrey down into a stiff DDT for the pin at 2:44. Both girls looked pretty good here.

Ricky Steamboat is in the back looking for the trainer’s room to see how his son is doing. Why he didn’t go with him in the first place is anyone’s guess, but Ricky runs into Ohno. You can tell this because Ricky shouts OHNO at the top of his lungs. Ohno has on some Clark Kent style glasses and seems to be in awe of meeting Steamboat.

Ricky won’t shake his hand and Ohno says Richie doesn’t have a ton of potential. Ricky shoves Ohno and referees break it up. Ohno: “What are you going to do? Arm drag me???” This would be a lot more effective if the beatdown had been big, but it was nothing you wouldn’t see in a regular match.

Percy Watson vs. Leo Kruger

Kruger is psycho now and wears something that looks like khakis. Apparently he’s a big game hunter now. That’s something different. He grabs a quick snap suplex on Watson to start and pounds him into the corner. Watson gets up a knee in the corner and tries to speed things up. Percy fires off some good dropkicks and the Showtime Splash for two. Kruger gets up very quickly and hits a hot shot into a twisting neckbreaker (started as a reverse neckbreaker but spun Watson around almost into a cutter on the way down) for the pin at 3:16.

Rating: C-. Pretty much a squash here. I like the new persona from Kruger as before he was just proud to be South African. As for his finisher, not so much. There are too many neckbreakers/face first drops in WWE anymore and I’m tired of seeing them. From Bateman to Ziggler to Truth to Sandow to Layla and now to Kruger, use something else already.

Brodus Clay vs. Ryan Collins

Brodus does the full intro, complete with Cameron because this was taped a few weeks ago. Total squash with the crowd WAY into Brodus. The big splash pins Collins at 49 seconds.

Some kids get to dance post match.

We recap the Usos getting jumped by Ascension last week.

Ascension vs. Usos

Whichever Uso that is pounds Cameron (the wrestler, not the dancer) down into the corner to start and everything breaks down quickly. The Usos clear the ring and we take a break. Back with I think Jimmy getting tagged in to splash Cameron in the corner. Back to Jimmy who gets two off a double back elbow. Conor comes in off a blind tag and clotheslines Jimmy down for two to take over. Ascension does their fast tags to stomp away on Jimmy in the corner which is always cool.

Conor puts on a bodyscissors and it’s off to Cameron with a neck crank followed by an armbar. Back to Conor who grabs a headlock takeover then rolls Jimmy over two more times without letting it go. That was different. Jimmy gets in a kick to the face but the referee doesn’t see the tag. Back to Cameron for another armbar before Conor comes in for a headlock. This is a great example of how to pick someone apart.

Jimmy gets sent into the corner and gets a boot up into O’Brien’s face. There’s the hot tag (with no reaction from the crowd) to Jey. He cleans house on his own but Cameron escapes the Samoan Drop. Instead Jey hits a superkick to put him down but goes up instead of covering. Jimmy takes Conor out but Cameron crotches Jey and hits a kind of running jawbreaker for the pin at 8:58 shown of 12:28.

Rating: C+. This was an old school style tag match where they played the formula to perfection. Why in the world are these four not on TV but guys like Epico/Primo are? You can always make room for a Samoan team. Anyway, good stuff here and that’s a very rare thing to see in WWE tag matches anymore.

Here’s Rollins for his first interview with JR as champion. Rollins talks about overcoming his back injury last week to win the title. He’s used to being called a loser and he uses it as motivation every single day. He doesn’t care who he faces or who wants a shot at the title, because sooner or later, everybody gets blacked out. Good first speech from the champ here.

Overall Rating: B. This was one of the best TV shows I’ve seen in a very long time. They got a ton of stuff into this and nothing was boring on it at all. We had a feud being advanced, Divas, a squash, a good tag match and a big name appearing, all before the champion got to talk. He doesn’t have a first opponent yet so there’s nothing wrong with him just talking tonight. Very good show here and I wasn’t annoyed by anything here which is incredibly rare.

Results

Richie Steamboat b. Kassius Ohno via DQ when Ohno raked Steamboat’s eyes

Paige b. Audrey Marie – Fisherman’s DDT

Leo Kruger b. Percy Watson – Twisting neckbreaker

Brodus Clay b. Ryan Collins – Big Splash

Ascension b. Usos – Running Jawbreaker to Jey

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: October 3, 2006
Location: Landon Arena, Topeka, Kansas
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re into a new month here as this show is starting to fly by. After last week we’re really right back where we were coming into last week with Show being completely dominant and no opponent for him at the moment. We also have Van Dam standing tall due to his victory over Holly. It’s hard to say what else we’re going to get from here on out. Let’s get to it.

We open with Holly and Heyman in the back, watching a clip from last week of Holly being sliced open like a cabbage. Heyman praises him for finishing the match after being out for a year due to a staph infection. Holly says that’s what he does and he wants Van Dam again tonight. Heyman almost panicking over the thought of a lawsuit is kind of funny stuff and he obviously says no. Holly grabs Heyman but Test pops in and hits Hardcore in the back with a chair. It’s Test vs. Van Dam tonight in an extreme rules match.

Opening sequence.

Sandman/Sabu vs. Big Show/Matt Striker

So I guess Sabu and Big Show are still feuding somehow. Sabu and Show start with the giant being clean shaven now. That’s kind of a good look for him. Show clotheslines Sabu down and tosses him around with ease. Off to Striker and Sabu gets on offense quickly, hitting a springboard leg lariat and some dropkicks to take over. Sabu is knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back with Show coming in to headbutt Sabu down followed by a suplex which gets two for the tagged in Striker.

Striker kicks Sabu low to knock him to the floor again. Striker hooks a cravate and Sabu is in trouble again. Matt goes up but jumps into a spin kick in a bad looking spot. Sandman finally gets the hot tag and the beating begins. Striker tries to go up but Sandman blasts him with a left hand and the Heinekenrana gets two. The White Russian leg sweep is broken up by Show, who splashes Sandman to give Striker the pin.

Rating: D+. The problem here is that this is just a tag match. Sabu can hang in a match for the most part but Sandman is dull when he can’t use his weapons. This was just your standard tag match which bordered on a squash. Show is being put over stronger than almost anyone I’ve ever seen which is good for him but bad for everyone else.

Kelly Kelly and Trinity plug Extreme Strip Poker. Kelly takes her top off and has cards covering her.

Kevin Thorn vs. Tommy Dreamer

Dreamer pounds away to start but gets slammed out of the corner by Thorn. Thorn beats on Tommy but a pumphandle slam is countered into a neckbreaker as Dreamer starts his comeback. The DDT is countered but the second attempt at it gets two due to Thorn being in the ropes. A shot from the cane to Dreamer’s head ends this quick.

Watch the Marine!

Maria will play poker next week and people have been giving her “good” advice on how to play.

CM Punk vs. Danny Doring

Doring tries an early suplex but gets kicked in the ribs. A butterfly backbreaker puts Doring down and Punk fires away with knees in the corner. The knee/bulldog combo sets up a striking sequence followed by the Rock Bottom and Anaconda Vice for the tap. This was barely over a minute.

Kelly pops up on stage and dances for Punk. Knox takes her away and Punk says he’s sick of this. He says Knox’s problem isn’t keeping him away from Kelly, but from keeping Kelly away from him. Knox comes to the ring but backs off. The fans were into this.

Kristal Marshall and Ashley will be playing too.

Test vs. Rob Van Dam

Extreme Rules. Test kicks him in the ribs during the finger pointing which is something you would think a lot more people would do. Van Dam is sent to the floor and Test chokes him on the barricade. Van Dam gets in a kick (were you expecting something else?) but misses the spinning leg to the back of Test, crashing into the barricade instead. Test gets the steps but gets tripped, sending the steps crashing down on top of him. In a cool spot, Van Dam hits Rolling Thunder onto Test onto the steps.

It’s table time and the fans erupt as a result. As always, that takes too much time and Test takes his head off with a clothesline in the ring. Test throws four chairs into the ring and a big boot into one of them into the head of Van Dam gets two. A suplex onto the chair is countered by Van Dam and he pelts the chair at Test’s head ala Sabu. Test goes to the apron but Van Dam can’t knock him through the table. Test tries to suplex him through the table in a repeat of the spot from last week with Holly, but Van Dam countered into a sunset powerbomb through the table in a great spot.

We take a break and come back with the arrival of Heyman and security. Back inside and Test low blows Van Dam but Rob manages to clothesline him on the top rope. The recoil sends Van Dam to the floor and the security guards pound on Rob for a bit. That gets two for Test back inside and the Canadian is getting frustrated. Somewhere in there a chair was wedged between the top and middle rope and Rob is launched head first into said chair. Somehow that only gets two and Test is stunned.

Off to a bearhug as Van Dam is in even more trouble. Van Dam escapes but a BIG chair shot to the head gets two. Test removes the buckle from a corner but RVD blocks the shot into it and this a spinwheel kick to put both guys down. Rob goes to the floor for another chair because the four in the ring weren’t enough I guess. After threatening the guards with the chair, he skateboards it into Test’s face in the corner. He loads up Rolling Thunder onto the chair but Test moves, sending Rob’s back into chair only.

With the chair on Van Dam’s face, Test goes up and drops a Cactus Jack elbow (as in he had a chair of his own and slammed it into the other chair) off the top…..for two. Test loads up another table but his powerbomb through it is countered into a sunset flip for two. Snake Eyes onto the exposed buckle is countered and Van Dam hits the top rope kick. After dispatching the guards, Van Dam loads up the Five Star through the table but Big Show comes out and shoves him through the table. A TKO from Test finally gets the pin.

Rating: B. Van Dam is on a roll right now and I’m digging this war with Heyman and his team of lackeys as he’s building up to the big rematch with Show. Test looked good here and after the match last week with Holly, I think it’s fair to call Van Dam an official miracle worker. Another strong match here which would probably be the best match of the week in WWE.

Overall Rating: B. With Van Dam being on fire like he is now, ECW is on a total roll. There are finally clear stories going on up and down the card with Van Dam vs. Heyman being a highlight. The main issue I see with it though is next week. The show ended with Joey guaranteeing someone losing their clothes next week. That flat out is not going to happen, or at least we won’t be able to see it. Also it’s annoying when that’s the focus of the show instead of the good action we’ve been getting. Either way, good show here as ECW has finally gotten it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 26, 2006
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re in Oklahoma so I’ll bet JR gets messed with somehow tonight. Other than that we’ve got a world title match with the most decorated former world champion in ECW history, the Sandman, challenging Big Show. Other than that we get the blowoff match with RVD and Hardcore Holly which has a semi-famous spot in it. Let’s get to it.

After the theme song, Joey and Taz basically say what I said in the intro.

Here’s JR to open the show. This can’t end well. He thanks Joey and Taz for inviting him, starting a brief argument over who invited him between the announcers. JR mentions getting started in Mid-South in this area a long time ago. He starts talking about how much he likes ECW when Matt Striker interrupts him.

Striker says JR is a blue collar worker and has the shirt to prove it. He gets in JR’s face about liking alcohol, just like Sandman. Striker keeps going on until Sandman comes in with the cane. Sandman gets in a shot to the ribs and hands the cane off to JR. Ross gets in a pretty good shot to the back and Striker bails in shame. JR toasts Sandman, the new ECW Champion, and beer is consumed.

Video on Eric Bischoff’s book, set to look like an old NWO promo. Basically he says he’ll tell the real story. I’ll give him this: I want to read the book now.

Extreme Strip Poker is coming. Oh geez.

Hardcore Holly says he’ll do his talking in the ring. Riveting stuff here.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Extreme Rules. Van Dam takes over to start and sends Holly into the corner. A superkick puts Holly down but it’s time to pose before Van Dam follows up. Out to the floor they go but Van Dam’s posing gets him in trouble again. Holly gets draped over the barricade and there’s the spin kick to the back. Van Dam loads up a table to the crowd’s delight but Holly blasts him in the back and sends him into the steps to take over.

Van Dam fires off more kicks and they head back inside, only to charge into Holly’s boot in the corner. A back elbow to the face puts Van Dam down and Holly goes to the apron for a suplex onto the aforementioned table. The suplex hits and we go to a break, coming back to see a MASSIVE gash in Holly’s back. That is sick looking and he would have a scar for the rest of his WWE career.

Holly sets up a chair in the middle of the ring and drops Van Dam’s throat across the chair for two. With the chair over Van Dam’s face, Holly drops a middle rope leg for another two. There is blood all over Holly’s back. Van Dam comes back with a suplex onto the chair and blood SQUIRTS out of Holly’s back. That is freaking SICK. There’s the monkey flip and you can tell Holly is having to land awkwardly. The top rope kick puts Holly down and Van Dam gets the chair. There’s the skateboard dropkick into the corner and Holly is looking dead.

Rolling Thunder onto the chair onto Holly gets two. Van Dam tries another monkey flip but gets powerbombed down onto the chair for another close two. This is good stuff. Van Dam puts the chair on Hardcore’s chest and loads up the Five Star, but Holly throws the chair at his face on the way down. THAT gets two and the fans think this is awesome. Alabama Slam is countered so Holly gets the chair. However, YOU CAN’T HOLD A CHAIR IN FRONT OF VAN DAM! Van Daminator sets up the Five Star to finally beat Holly.

Rating: B+. That’s partially for the guts Holly had on display here. Take that either figuratively or literally as both are appropriate. This is easily Holly’s best match ever and one of the best matches that aired on this show. Really good stuff here and the cut on Holly’s back is insane.

Punk talks about being addicted to competition and wanting to compete with the biggest and the best. Kelly comes up and raves over Punk’s tattoos. She talks about extreme strip poker but is sad she can’t get into casinos yet. Kelly asks Punk to play extreme strip poker with him but he thinks that’s trouble. Knox comes up and gets in Punk’s face. Punk says worry about your woman because she keeps trying to get into his yard. Knox says he’s going to straighten Kelly out then he’s coming to look for Punk. Punk will be waiting.

Watch the Marine! No seriously, almost no one else did so could you please?

Ariel vs. Francine

This is an Extreme Catfight. Brawl to start, Ariel’s top comes off, Kevin Thorn comes in, Balls Mahoney makes the save, we’re done. This lasted like a minute.

Video on Sandman.

Heyman and Big Show are in the back talking about the main event. Show says he’s not worried about Sandman and wants Heyman and the security to stay in the back. The cane will be legal tonight and Heyman doesn’t seem happy.

Rene Dupree gets out of the shower in a towel. He says he’s extreme and opens the towel, looks down, and smiles. WWE before it was PG ladies and gentlemen.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Sandman

I love how Roberts says world title. We join this in progress after a break with Sandy pounding on Show with the cane and totally dominating. They head to the floor for more cane shots and Show is busted open. Holly needed 24 stitches to close the cut on his back. Sweet goodness that was a bad cut. Show comes back with a loud chop and some headbutts.

Things slow down a lot but that’s understandable in this case. A big right hand takes Sandman down and here’s the chokeslam. Sandman counters and hits a DDT before grabbing the cane. A middle rope cane shot to the head gets two but here’s Striker to steal the cane. The cobra clutch backbreaker and standing legdrop keep the title on Big Show.

Rating: D+. This is ECW 101 at this point: build up a challenger of the week and then have Big Show maul him. There’s nothing wrong with that as they need to dispatch these challengers before we get to the guy that can finally beat Big Show. Not a good match here or anything but for a TV main event like this it was acceptable.

Overall Rating: B. Given the opening match and the good shots of Ariel almost falling out of her top and a decent main event, this is probably the best ECW show yet. That Holly vs. Van Dam match was good back then and it’s aged well with the two guys beating the tar out of each other for almost twenty minutes. Good show here and hopefully they keep this up in the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Bloodymania V
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Hatchet Landing, Cave-in-Rock Illinois
Commentators: Kevin Gill, Shaggy 2 Dope

This is what you get for saying you’ll review almost anything. This is Juggalo Championship Wrestling, which is the Insane Clown Posse’s company. If you don’t know who they are, they’re a band who dresses like clowns and are incredibly controversial for their lyrics and all that jazz. They’re also huge wrestling fans and got into both the WWF and WCW on their star power. They wrestled some matches and it became clear they had the talent of your average backyard wrestler. Naturally WCW had plans on making one of them Cruiserweight Champion because that’s what WCW does.

Now one thing to note: there are actual wrestlers here. It isn’t just ICP and their friends having bad matches. There are names on here like Rhyno, Raven, Nick Dinsmore (Eugene), X-Pac and Vampiro. Also I have no idea who any of these musicians are, nor do I care to know. Other than that I have no idea what to expect here. Let’s get to it.

Some guy in a JCW shirt comes out to open the show. Apparently his name is Kevin Gill. He intros the show and the people are SILENT. The audio on this show sucks so far. The main event is Corporal Robinson, who apparently has been champion for about 40% of the company’s existence, defending against Vampiro. He introduces his broadcasting partners and the audio gets a lot louder.

A DJ plays some music.

Shaggy goes to the back to see about some of the audio issues.

Apparently all of the fans are called ninjas.

Bill Martel vs. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks

The name graphics are backwards at first. The announcers keep talking over the ring announcer. Martel is the Superstar, so you can tell he’s important. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks is looking like a pimp here. From what I can find on the internet, his name is Sal so we’ll go with that. Apparently Sal lost a loser leaves town match a few weeks/months ago but put on a mask and won a match to get back on this show.

Bill slaps him to start but gets slapped right back. Sal takes him to the mat and hits a low dropkick to the head before pulling out….a marshmallow? Oh it was a tampon which he puts in Bill’s mouth. How long is this show again? Martel takes him down again and the audio screws up again. Martel misses a middle rope elbow and Sal clotheslines him down for two. They head to the corner with Sal hitting a tornado DDT and rolling through into a spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker for two. Martel gets a rollup out of nowhere for the pin. This should have been a dark match.

We recap the next tag match. Weed Man (exactly what it sounds like) lost a match to Officer Colt Cabana and had to become Cabana’s deputy. Weed Man wasn’t happy with it and had to help Cabana go after 2 Tuff Tony who is an alcoholic. Finally the drug addict turned on the cop and helped the alcoholic. Cabana brought in US Marshall Adam Pearce and we’ve got a tag match, albeit with Pearce/Cabana vs. Tony and a mystery partner.

The announcers talk but we hear music.

Adam Pearce/Colt Cabana vs. 2 Tuff Tony/???

Commentary is back now but the theme music is still drowning it out. The camera stays on the commentators as we can hear stuff going on in the ring. Even Shaggy and Kevin are asking why they’re being shown. Apparently the show didn’t get going until sometime between 1:30 and 3:30am. No wonder the fans aren’t caring that much. After Tony gives the fans liquor for a few minutes, Weed Man runs in and says he’s the partner of Tony. That’s not exactly shocking given the story. He takes his mask off which is a big deal apparently but it doesn’t get a big reaction. No one knows who he is so what was the point?

Tony and Cabana start things off with Tony controlling the arm early on. Off to Weed Man who stays on the arm while the announcers say he looks like a typical stoner. Cabana punches him down and it’s off to Pearce with a top rope splash for two. Weed Man does a Flair Flip in the corner and is clotheslined off the apron. Cabana rams Weed Man into the steps and Weed Man is busted.

Pearce works on the cut and does the clap non-tag to Cabana. A sunset flip gets two for Weed and we’re already at the main issue with this show: the wrestling is ok at its very best. Weed Man isn’t that good and he’s doing nothing but basics. Anyway it’s off to Pearce as the beating continues. Oh wait let’s look at the commentators again. Pearce goes up and gets crotched and superplexed down.

There’s the hot tag to Tony who cleans house as the announcers make gay jokes about Cabana. Tony hits a kick to the face of Pearce for two and a Lionsault to Cabana gets no cover. Instead of covering, Tony covers his hand in alcohol and tries to light it on fire, but Pearce throws a fire extinguisher at it. Cabana hits Tony with a nightstick for two as Weed Man dives through the ropes onto Pearce. Tony trips Cabana down and a double stomp from Weed Man gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was one of the main events? If that’s the case this show is in big trouble. This was a run of the mill tag match and not a lot came from it. Cabana and Pearce are talented guys but they need something better than these two for opponents to have a good match. I get that Weed Man and Tony are popular, but they’re not that talented. That’s one of the mistakes ECW made: they would have guys in there to pop the live crowd but it did nothing for the masses. Now that being said, this is a far different kind of company than ECW was so it’s a lot more understandable here.

Cabana arrests Weed Man for taking his mask off. A guy who is apparently the owner of the land this show is happening on says Cabana has no authority here because it’s private property. Weed Man has to be uncuffed and security comes out remove Cabana who shouts about Rodney King. Tony and Weed Man celebrate with the fans.

We recap Zach Gowen vs. Eugene. Gowen has one leg and Eugene (spelled U-Gene here for the sake of copyright infringement but I’m calling him Eugene because it really makes no difference) was really protective of him. Eugene tried to use brass knuckles to win the tag titles but Gowen didn’t want them that way. Eugene was offended and turned on him, setting up this match. Simple story and that’s fine.

U-Gene vs. Zach Gowen

Eugene takes the only leg out but Gowen can fight well on the mat and escapes. Eugene keeps asking for a test of strength but Gowen will have none of that. Back to the mat but Gowen kicks him to the floor. Eugene is doing his best known gimmick to make this a battle of the handicapped. Back in and Gowen gets down in a crouch which freaks Eugene out. Gowen is very quick on the mat so Eugene gets on top of him. A dropkick puts Eugene on the floor and he’s getting very frustrated. He seems to be the heel here.

Back in and Gowen is slammed into the mat for two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eugene uses the classic invisible foreign object to pound away. The commentators debate what country the object is from and continue to get on my nerves. Eugene puts on a half crab, which may be a full crab in Gowen’s case, followed by a giant swing. Eugene loads up what looks like a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Gowen escapes into a powerbomb for no cover.

A Blockbuster gets two for Gowen but Eugene comes back with an airplane spin. Given that it’s an airplane spin, we get the required ref bump as Gowen is being spun around. Gowen takes Eugene down and this a moonsault but there’s no ref. As Zach wakes the referee up, Eugene blasts Gowen with the foreign object for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here as it’s amazing what you do when you get seasons pros in the ring. Eugene was always talented and he could make the gimmick work well as he tweaked it enough to make it different at different times. When you take Gowen out of the main event scene of WWE PPVs, he’s a lot less annoying. Decent match here which is probably going to be the high point.

The referee sees the object and reverses the decision. Eugene snaps and destroys Gowen with Gowen’s cane. The referee was busted open in there somewhere too.

The announcers talk about what we just saw.

We recap Richie Boy Breyer Wellington vs. his Butler Geeves. Wellington was going to try to steal the world title but Geeves wound up sneaking in and taking it. 2 Tuff Tony won the belt before Geeves could lay down for Wellington so Wellington and his manager Truth Martini brought in Geeves’ wife Mrs. Geeves before the match tonight. Tonight, the winner gets Mrs. Geeves and the loser has to fight Tank Abbott for five minutes.

Breyer Wellington vs. Butler Geeves

Geeves looks like a Chippendale dancer. We stall to start and look at the announcers a bit who are talking about moon bounce houses. No contact for the first 45 seconds or so. Geeves works on the arm but gets sent to the mat by Wellington to escape. Wellington puts on a headlock as the ring seems a lot louder now for some reason. The announcers keep up a joke about Geeves learning to wrestle online which is beaten into the ground a few minutes into the match.

The guys in the ring are doing nothing beyond basics so far. A butterfly suplex gets two for Wellington and it’s off to a surfboard hold on Geeves. Wellington hits a Backstabber for two. At least I think it was two, as we were looking at the announcers again. Geeves makes a comeback and grabs a rollup for two but walks into a modified Cradle Shock (Sabin’s AA move) for two. Some chick comes out and flashes Wellington, giving Geeves a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was really dull and the comeback came so fast that there wasn’t a chance for the crowd to get into it. The girl I guess is replacing Mrs. Geeves for her husband, but he gets them both due to the stipulations. That’s not a bad way to go and I guess now we get the Tank Abbott stuff. Pretty terrible match though.

Geeves says he doesn’t want his wife’s services anymore in a pretty decent promo.

No Abbott stuff for the moment.

Here’s Commissioner Violent J. He plays to the crowd a bit and the fans chant Bruce (his real name). As with everything else tonight, you can barely understand him. He says not to review the show if you’re not observing them. That clears me I guess. Apparently only Juggalos can review these shows. I’m out then. He talks about what you should do and this goes nowhere. We get a King Kong Bundy reference for no apparent reason.

J talks about a guy who is here after not being around for awhile. The fans chant for Evil Dead, who was a corpse that won the first JCW Championship. He had a big advantage because he was death and therefore couldn’t feel pain. More on that later. Evil Dead is the first inductee into the JCW Hall of Fame, and there is no truth to the speculation that it’s just J’s brother in a rubber mask.

Evil Dead comes out and falls down the ramp because he doesn’t have many leg muscles left. He has a note in his hand as he stands on the middle rope. J reads his speech which talks about eating people. Dead falls off the ropes, gets tied up in the ropes, falls to the floor, and finally leaves with J. This ran 13 minutes, or longer than all but one match tonight.

The announcers talk a lot more. This must be an intermission of some kind.

Tag Titles: Ring Rydas vs. Tracy Smothers/Bull Pain vs. Necro Butcher/Mad Man Pondo vs. Raven/Sexy Slim Goody

The Rydas are the champions and are known as Ring Ryda Red and Ring Ryda Blue. They’re masked and are also known as the Irish Airborne, mainly from ROH. The ring is WAY too small for eight people. Raven and Smothers start things off and we start with dancing. Before there’s any contact it’s off to Slim, who is a big fat guy who may or may not be gay. Smothers keeps falling down without any contact being made. Pain comes in and twists Slim’s nipples to start things off.

Bull Pain pounds on Slim as the announcers crack jokes about whatever they think of. A reverse DDT puts Slim down for no cover for Pain. Pain looks like a shorter Albert from his piercing days. The Rydas get on Pain’s nerves and draw him into their corner so Red comes in to pound on Slim. The Rydas are small guys so the size difference is jarring.

Off to Blue vs. Necro with Blue speeding things up and hitting a running knee to the face. Blue goes up but jumps into an uppercut. Off to Pondo who hits a kind of piledriver onto a chair that is in the ring out of nowhere. Things break down a bit and it’s off to Necro vs. Smothers. Necro chops away in the corner and Pain starts beating on everyone with a bat or a pipe or whatever it is.

Tracy comes in and Necro sets for a tiger driver, but Tracy’s daughter/sister (forget it people, it’s JCW) Isabelle comes in to break it up. Pain walks out on Smothers for some reason and Tracy follows. Red breaks up a DDT on Pondo from Raven and heads up. In a pretty awesome looking finish, Red gets shoved off the top by Goody into the DDT from Raven who hits it perfectly for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This was a bit of a mess because there were too many people and too much stuff going on out there at once. The ending was pretty awesome looking though as Red looked dead after that DDT. I have no idea why Raven and Slim are together but it’s Raven so it’s not a big deal at all.

And now the feed goes off for a bit. It wouldn’t feel right if that didn’t happen.

We recap Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong which is basically a battle of monsters colliding. It’s No DQ either.

Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong

No countout or DQ. Apparently Kongo has lost over 90lbs since the video was made because he’s billed as 410lbs here and was said to be over 500lbs in the video. Kong is a savage or something close to one. Kong immediately clotheslines him down but Rhyno pops back up. Rhyno hits a decent belly to belly given how fat Kong is but Kong pops back up. Kong misses a charge and flips over the top rope to the floor in a surprising display of balance.

Rhyno dives onto Kong but loses a slugout on the floor. Back in and the fat man (Kongo if you’re not familiar with Rhyno, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) pounds away and we get the required nerve hold. Rhyno Hulks Up and finally knocks Kong down with shoulders. The Gore hits….for two? I didn’t see that coming. A second Gore again only gets two but the third one hits the buckle, giving Kongo a rollup win out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Kong is a big guy but there’s nothing more to him than that. Also, why would you have a monster come off looking like he can only win on a fluke? Kicking out of two Gores was a nice surprise as the Gore is a very famous finisher. This was short which helped a bit but it didn’t work that well due to Kong being unable to do much.

We recap the women’s three way. There’s something about training and throwing in a towel and I really don’t care.

Brittany Force vs. Amber O’Neal vs. Ring Girl Randy

Amber is billed as being from Heaven. That’s kind of awesome. The announcers say they hope it turns into lesbianism. Well why bother to just hint at it I guess? Anyway Amber tries to leave but the other two pull her back in and beat her to the floor. Randy hits a Samoan Drop on Force to send Brittany to the floor, followed by a big dive to take Brittany out. Amber sends Randy into the post so let’s look at the announcers.

Back in and Brittany grabs a fast rollup for two on Amber but gets caught in a running Umaga attack in the corner. Amber knocks everyone down and hits a bad X Factor on Force for two. Force gets two off something we missed because we were looking at the commentators. Randy keeps getting beaten up as she tries to get back in. Amber chokes Brittany over the ropes while in a rana position and Randy is back in.

Scratch that as she’s already back out. Amber puts a chinlock on Force for about 10 seconds, followed by a Stink Face. Force avoids a charge and hits a Downward Spiral on Amber and Randy finally gets back in. A facejam from Force gets two on Amber, but Randy comes in and hits a reverse DDT on Force for the surprise win.

Rating: D+. This was your usual three way with the person who looked to be losing the entire time coming out of nowhere for the surprise pin. That’s always annoying as it’s such a played out idea that as soon as Randy kept getting knocked to the floor I knew she was going to win. Nothing to see here but Amber is good looking so it helps.

X-Pac vs. Luke Gallows vs. Rob Conway

The winner gets a contract, even though Conway already has one. Fast paced opening here with no one being able to get an advantage. Conway is sent to the floor and Gallows is knocked out as well, followed by Pac with a big dive. Conway crotches Pac on the platform the ring is on which gets two back in the ring. Now we get to the usual turning point of a triple threat: the fight between the heels (?) that want to pin the guy who is down.

Gallows kills Conway with a chokeslam but Pac kicks Gallows down. Luke kicks Pac in the face in the corner but misses a middle rope elbow. Conway puts a sleeper on Gallows but they both fall to the floor. The sleeper wasn’t broken though and Gallows is put to sleep. Conway goes back in to try to do the same to Pac but X-Pac rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible but it just came and went. Gallows is as generic of a big man as you can get and Conway is just there, which is why he’s an OVW legend and not much else. The match was as typical of a three way as you could ever ask for. Nothing special at all here though, which might as well be the name of the show.

We recap Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro. They were friends, Vampiro came into the ring when Robinson won his fourth title and kicked Robinson’s head off. This is something about Robinson proving himself, despite having two title reigns that have gone over two years already. Robinson says this is his life, unlike Vampiro where it’s like the fourth biggest thing on his list. Vampiro says that’s exactly like ICP and they’re doing fine. Both of these guys are in the Juggalo World Order which is the big stable which hasn’t been mentioned until this promo.

JCW World Title: Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro

Robinson is defending if that wasn’t clear. They shake hands to start and finally lock up. Before anything can get going, here’s Evil Dead for no apparent reason. He gets in the ring and drills the referee as the other two guys get in each others’ faces. Evil Dead DDTs both guys and leaves. This is happening…..why exactly?

Robinson and Vampiro slug it out from their knees which takes a good while. Robinson shoulders him down but gets kicked in the face a second later to give Vampiro control again. Robinson comes back again and tries his finisher called Boot Camp (cobra clutch legsweep) but Vampiro escapes. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion as does a superkick from Vampiro. Vampiro’s chokeslam is broken up and apparently it’s almost 5:00am. Good grief.

A tornado DDT gets two for Robinson as they’re in the problem most indy matches have: they have no idea how to tell a story in the ring and it’s just a string of moves with nothing between them. Vampiro flips off the fans to go heel I guess, and walks into a dragon screw leg whip for his efforts. Robinson puts on a quick leglock but Vamp gets to a rope. The Corporal brings in a chair but Vampiro kicks his knee out just in time.

Vampiro loads up something off the top but gets pulled down into a Tree of Woe. We get the Tommy Dreamer running dropkick into the chair into the guy in the Tree of Woe’s face for two. Vampiro comes back with a kind of Van Daminator and Robinson is busted open. It’s table time now because what would a main event be without one of those? Off to a chinlock by Vampiro so he can bite the cut a bit.

The table is set up in the corner and Vampiro goes after the cut on Robinson’s head. Robinson is sent face first into the chair but Vampiro walks around too much and gets suplexed down for two. Robinson goes up but misses a legdrop to bring things to a halt again. Chokeslam from Vampiro gets two, followed by a Robinson powerbomb and Boot Camp for the pin to retain. The table was never used.

Rating: C-. This went WAY too long which brings it down a bit. Somehow this match was almost twenty minutes long and about four minutes of that was spent on laying around. I have no idea what the point of Evil Dead was but it came and went and didn’t change anything. Not a terrible match or anything and it was fine for a main event on a show of this caliber.

The locker room comes out to celebrate with Robinson as Vampiro leaves. He finally comes back to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This certainly wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but it’s nothing I’d ever want to see more of. JCW started off as basically a parody of wrestling with things like the announcers saying this match sucks so let’s watch a different one and then they would actually change over to another match or the ICP declaring themselves the winners because they own the company and they’ll fire anyone that beats them. Instead this was just a run of the mill indy show with absolutely nothing memorable or different at all. That being said, the show cost five bucks so it’s really hard to complain.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is one of the reasons why NXT is possibly the best wrestling show today.Dusty Rhodes is the GM of NXT and he’s been on the show maybe three times.  He makes matches but he doesn’t do so on screen.  What might happen is two guys will have an altercation in the back and then when they have the match, Regal might say something like “this match was set up by NXT GM Dusty Rhodes.”  No TV time wasted, no theme songs being pounded into our heads, no holding the hand of the viewers, just matches being made when they make sense.

Why can’t Raw or Smackdown get this?