ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: September 26, 2006
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

We’re in Oklahoma so I’ll bet JR gets messed with somehow tonight. Other than that we’ve got a world title match with the most decorated former world champion in ECW history, the Sandman, challenging Big Show. Other than that we get the blowoff match with RVD and Hardcore Holly which has a semi-famous spot in it. Let’s get to it.

After the theme song, Joey and Taz basically say what I said in the intro.

Here’s JR to open the show. This can’t end well. He thanks Joey and Taz for inviting him, starting a brief argument over who invited him between the announcers. JR mentions getting started in Mid-South in this area a long time ago. He starts talking about how much he likes ECW when Matt Striker interrupts him.

Striker says JR is a blue collar worker and has the shirt to prove it. He gets in JR’s face about liking alcohol, just like Sandman. Striker keeps going on until Sandman comes in with the cane. Sandman gets in a shot to the ribs and hands the cane off to JR. Ross gets in a pretty good shot to the back and Striker bails in shame. JR toasts Sandman, the new ECW Champion, and beer is consumed.

Video on Eric Bischoff’s book, set to look like an old NWO promo. Basically he says he’ll tell the real story. I’ll give him this: I want to read the book now.

Extreme Strip Poker is coming. Oh geez.

Hardcore Holly says he’ll do his talking in the ring. Riveting stuff here.

Rob Van Dam vs. Hardcore Holly

Extreme Rules. Van Dam takes over to start and sends Holly into the corner. A superkick puts Holly down but it’s time to pose before Van Dam follows up. Out to the floor they go but Van Dam’s posing gets him in trouble again. Holly gets draped over the barricade and there’s the spin kick to the back. Van Dam loads up a table to the crowd’s delight but Holly blasts him in the back and sends him into the steps to take over.

Van Dam fires off more kicks and they head back inside, only to charge into Holly’s boot in the corner. A back elbow to the face puts Van Dam down and Holly goes to the apron for a suplex onto the aforementioned table. The suplex hits and we go to a break, coming back to see a MASSIVE gash in Holly’s back. That is sick looking and he would have a scar for the rest of his WWE career.

Holly sets up a chair in the middle of the ring and drops Van Dam’s throat across the chair for two. With the chair over Van Dam’s face, Holly drops a middle rope leg for another two. There is blood all over Holly’s back. Van Dam comes back with a suplex onto the chair and blood SQUIRTS out of Holly’s back. That is freaking SICK. There’s the monkey flip and you can tell Holly is having to land awkwardly. The top rope kick puts Holly down and Van Dam gets the chair. There’s the skateboard dropkick into the corner and Holly is looking dead.

Rolling Thunder onto the chair onto Holly gets two. Van Dam tries another monkey flip but gets powerbombed down onto the chair for another close two. This is good stuff. Van Dam puts the chair on Hardcore’s chest and loads up the Five Star, but Holly throws the chair at his face on the way down. THAT gets two and the fans think this is awesome. Alabama Slam is countered so Holly gets the chair. However, YOU CAN’T HOLD A CHAIR IN FRONT OF VAN DAM! Van Daminator sets up the Five Star to finally beat Holly.

Rating: B+. That’s partially for the guts Holly had on display here. Take that either figuratively or literally as both are appropriate. This is easily Holly’s best match ever and one of the best matches that aired on this show. Really good stuff here and the cut on Holly’s back is insane.

Punk talks about being addicted to competition and wanting to compete with the biggest and the best. Kelly comes up and raves over Punk’s tattoos. She talks about extreme strip poker but is sad she can’t get into casinos yet. Kelly asks Punk to play extreme strip poker with him but he thinks that’s trouble. Knox comes up and gets in Punk’s face. Punk says worry about your woman because she keeps trying to get into his yard. Knox says he’s going to straighten Kelly out then he’s coming to look for Punk. Punk will be waiting.

Watch the Marine! No seriously, almost no one else did so could you please?

Ariel vs. Francine

This is an Extreme Catfight. Brawl to start, Ariel’s top comes off, Kevin Thorn comes in, Balls Mahoney makes the save, we’re done. This lasted like a minute.

Video on Sandman.

Heyman and Big Show are in the back talking about the main event. Show says he’s not worried about Sandman and wants Heyman and the security to stay in the back. The cane will be legal tonight and Heyman doesn’t seem happy.

Rene Dupree gets out of the shower in a towel. He says he’s extreme and opens the towel, looks down, and smiles. WWE before it was PG ladies and gentlemen.

ECW World Title: Big Show vs. Sandman

I love how Roberts says world title. We join this in progress after a break with Sandy pounding on Show with the cane and totally dominating. They head to the floor for more cane shots and Show is busted open. Holly needed 24 stitches to close the cut on his back. Sweet goodness that was a bad cut. Show comes back with a loud chop and some headbutts.

Things slow down a lot but that’s understandable in this case. A big right hand takes Sandman down and here’s the chokeslam. Sandman counters and hits a DDT before grabbing the cane. A middle rope cane shot to the head gets two but here’s Striker to steal the cane. The cobra clutch backbreaker and standing legdrop keep the title on Big Show.

Rating: D+. This is ECW 101 at this point: build up a challenger of the week and then have Big Show maul him. There’s nothing wrong with that as they need to dispatch these challengers before we get to the guy that can finally beat Big Show. Not a good match here or anything but for a TV main event like this it was acceptable.

Overall Rating: B. Given the opening match and the good shots of Ariel almost falling out of her top and a decent main event, this is probably the best ECW show yet. That Holly vs. Van Dam match was good back then and it’s aged well with the two guys beating the tar out of each other for almost twenty minutes. Good show here and hopefully they keep this up in the future.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Bloodymania V
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Hatchet Landing, Cave-in-Rock Illinois
Commentators: Kevin Gill, Shaggy 2 Dope

This is what you get for saying you’ll review almost anything. This is Juggalo Championship Wrestling, which is the Insane Clown Posse’s company. If you don’t know who they are, they’re a band who dresses like clowns and are incredibly controversial for their lyrics and all that jazz. They’re also huge wrestling fans and got into both the WWF and WCW on their star power. They wrestled some matches and it became clear they had the talent of your average backyard wrestler. Naturally WCW had plans on making one of them Cruiserweight Champion because that’s what WCW does.

Now one thing to note: there are actual wrestlers here. It isn’t just ICP and their friends having bad matches. There are names on here like Rhyno, Raven, Nick Dinsmore (Eugene), X-Pac and Vampiro. Also I have no idea who any of these musicians are, nor do I care to know. Other than that I have no idea what to expect here. Let’s get to it.

Some guy in a JCW shirt comes out to open the show. Apparently his name is Kevin Gill. He intros the show and the people are SILENT. The audio on this show sucks so far. The main event is Corporal Robinson, who apparently has been champion for about 40% of the company’s existence, defending against Vampiro. He introduces his broadcasting partners and the audio gets a lot louder.

A DJ plays some music.

Shaggy goes to the back to see about some of the audio issues.

Apparently all of the fans are called ninjas.

Bill Martel vs. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks

The name graphics are backwards at first. The announcers keep talking over the ring announcer. Martel is the Superstar, so you can tell he’s important. The Man of 1000 Gimmicks is looking like a pimp here. From what I can find on the internet, his name is Sal so we’ll go with that. Apparently Sal lost a loser leaves town match a few weeks/months ago but put on a mask and won a match to get back on this show.

Bill slaps him to start but gets slapped right back. Sal takes him to the mat and hits a low dropkick to the head before pulling out….a marshmallow? Oh it was a tampon which he puts in Bill’s mouth. How long is this show again? Martel takes him down again and the audio screws up again. Martel misses a middle rope elbow and Sal clotheslines him down for two. They head to the corner with Sal hitting a tornado DDT and rolling through into a spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker for two. Martel gets a rollup out of nowhere for the pin. This should have been a dark match.

We recap the next tag match. Weed Man (exactly what it sounds like) lost a match to Officer Colt Cabana and had to become Cabana’s deputy. Weed Man wasn’t happy with it and had to help Cabana go after 2 Tuff Tony who is an alcoholic. Finally the drug addict turned on the cop and helped the alcoholic. Cabana brought in US Marshall Adam Pearce and we’ve got a tag match, albeit with Pearce/Cabana vs. Tony and a mystery partner.

The announcers talk but we hear music.

Adam Pearce/Colt Cabana vs. 2 Tuff Tony/???

Commentary is back now but the theme music is still drowning it out. The camera stays on the commentators as we can hear stuff going on in the ring. Even Shaggy and Kevin are asking why they’re being shown. Apparently the show didn’t get going until sometime between 1:30 and 3:30am. No wonder the fans aren’t caring that much. After Tony gives the fans liquor for a few minutes, Weed Man runs in and says he’s the partner of Tony. That’s not exactly shocking given the story. He takes his mask off which is a big deal apparently but it doesn’t get a big reaction. No one knows who he is so what was the point?

Tony and Cabana start things off with Tony controlling the arm early on. Off to Weed Man who stays on the arm while the announcers say he looks like a typical stoner. Cabana punches him down and it’s off to Pearce with a top rope splash for two. Weed Man does a Flair Flip in the corner and is clotheslined off the apron. Cabana rams Weed Man into the steps and Weed Man is busted.

Pearce works on the cut and does the clap non-tag to Cabana. A sunset flip gets two for Weed and we’re already at the main issue with this show: the wrestling is ok at its very best. Weed Man isn’t that good and he’s doing nothing but basics. Anyway it’s off to Pearce as the beating continues. Oh wait let’s look at the commentators again. Pearce goes up and gets crotched and superplexed down.

There’s the hot tag to Tony who cleans house as the announcers make gay jokes about Cabana. Tony hits a kick to the face of Pearce for two and a Lionsault to Cabana gets no cover. Instead of covering, Tony covers his hand in alcohol and tries to light it on fire, but Pearce throws a fire extinguisher at it. Cabana hits Tony with a nightstick for two as Weed Man dives through the ropes onto Pearce. Tony trips Cabana down and a double stomp from Weed Man gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was one of the main events? If that’s the case this show is in big trouble. This was a run of the mill tag match and not a lot came from it. Cabana and Pearce are talented guys but they need something better than these two for opponents to have a good match. I get that Weed Man and Tony are popular, but they’re not that talented. That’s one of the mistakes ECW made: they would have guys in there to pop the live crowd but it did nothing for the masses. Now that being said, this is a far different kind of company than ECW was so it’s a lot more understandable here.

Cabana arrests Weed Man for taking his mask off. A guy who is apparently the owner of the land this show is happening on says Cabana has no authority here because it’s private property. Weed Man has to be uncuffed and security comes out remove Cabana who shouts about Rodney King. Tony and Weed Man celebrate with the fans.

We recap Zach Gowen vs. Eugene. Gowen has one leg and Eugene (spelled U-Gene here for the sake of copyright infringement but I’m calling him Eugene because it really makes no difference) was really protective of him. Eugene tried to use brass knuckles to win the tag titles but Gowen didn’t want them that way. Eugene was offended and turned on him, setting up this match. Simple story and that’s fine.

U-Gene vs. Zach Gowen

Eugene takes the only leg out but Gowen can fight well on the mat and escapes. Eugene keeps asking for a test of strength but Gowen will have none of that. Back to the mat but Gowen kicks him to the floor. Eugene is doing his best known gimmick to make this a battle of the handicapped. Back in and Gowen gets down in a crouch which freaks Eugene out. Gowen is very quick on the mat so Eugene gets on top of him. A dropkick puts Eugene on the floor and he’s getting very frustrated. He seems to be the heel here.

Back in and Gowen is slammed into the mat for two and it’s off to a chinlock. Eugene uses the classic invisible foreign object to pound away. The commentators debate what country the object is from and continue to get on my nerves. Eugene puts on a half crab, which may be a full crab in Gowen’s case, followed by a giant swing. Eugene loads up what looks like a Samoan Drop off the middle rope but Gowen escapes into a powerbomb for no cover.

A Blockbuster gets two for Gowen but Eugene comes back with an airplane spin. Given that it’s an airplane spin, we get the required ref bump as Gowen is being spun around. Gowen takes Eugene down and this a moonsault but there’s no ref. As Zach wakes the referee up, Eugene blasts Gowen with the foreign object for the pin.

Rating: C. Not bad here as it’s amazing what you do when you get seasons pros in the ring. Eugene was always talented and he could make the gimmick work well as he tweaked it enough to make it different at different times. When you take Gowen out of the main event scene of WWE PPVs, he’s a lot less annoying. Decent match here which is probably going to be the high point.

The referee sees the object and reverses the decision. Eugene snaps and destroys Gowen with Gowen’s cane. The referee was busted open in there somewhere too.

The announcers talk about what we just saw.

We recap Richie Boy Breyer Wellington vs. his Butler Geeves. Wellington was going to try to steal the world title but Geeves wound up sneaking in and taking it. 2 Tuff Tony won the belt before Geeves could lay down for Wellington so Wellington and his manager Truth Martini brought in Geeves’ wife Mrs. Geeves before the match tonight. Tonight, the winner gets Mrs. Geeves and the loser has to fight Tank Abbott for five minutes.

Breyer Wellington vs. Butler Geeves

Geeves looks like a Chippendale dancer. We stall to start and look at the announcers a bit who are talking about moon bounce houses. No contact for the first 45 seconds or so. Geeves works on the arm but gets sent to the mat by Wellington to escape. Wellington puts on a headlock as the ring seems a lot louder now for some reason. The announcers keep up a joke about Geeves learning to wrestle online which is beaten into the ground a few minutes into the match.

The guys in the ring are doing nothing beyond basics so far. A butterfly suplex gets two for Wellington and it’s off to a surfboard hold on Geeves. Wellington hits a Backstabber for two. At least I think it was two, as we were looking at the announcers again. Geeves makes a comeback and grabs a rollup for two but walks into a modified Cradle Shock (Sabin’s AA move) for two. Some chick comes out and flashes Wellington, giving Geeves a rollup for the pin.

Rating: D. This was really dull and the comeback came so fast that there wasn’t a chance for the crowd to get into it. The girl I guess is replacing Mrs. Geeves for her husband, but he gets them both due to the stipulations. That’s not a bad way to go and I guess now we get the Tank Abbott stuff. Pretty terrible match though.

Geeves says he doesn’t want his wife’s services anymore in a pretty decent promo.

No Abbott stuff for the moment.

Here’s Commissioner Violent J. He plays to the crowd a bit and the fans chant Bruce (his real name). As with everything else tonight, you can barely understand him. He says not to review the show if you’re not observing them. That clears me I guess. Apparently only Juggalos can review these shows. I’m out then. He talks about what you should do and this goes nowhere. We get a King Kong Bundy reference for no apparent reason.

J talks about a guy who is here after not being around for awhile. The fans chant for Evil Dead, who was a corpse that won the first JCW Championship. He had a big advantage because he was death and therefore couldn’t feel pain. More on that later. Evil Dead is the first inductee into the JCW Hall of Fame, and there is no truth to the speculation that it’s just J’s brother in a rubber mask.

Evil Dead comes out and falls down the ramp because he doesn’t have many leg muscles left. He has a note in his hand as he stands on the middle rope. J reads his speech which talks about eating people. Dead falls off the ropes, gets tied up in the ropes, falls to the floor, and finally leaves with J. This ran 13 minutes, or longer than all but one match tonight.

The announcers talk a lot more. This must be an intermission of some kind.

Tag Titles: Ring Rydas vs. Tracy Smothers/Bull Pain vs. Necro Butcher/Mad Man Pondo vs. Raven/Sexy Slim Goody

The Rydas are the champions and are known as Ring Ryda Red and Ring Ryda Blue. They’re masked and are also known as the Irish Airborne, mainly from ROH. The ring is WAY too small for eight people. Raven and Smothers start things off and we start with dancing. Before there’s any contact it’s off to Slim, who is a big fat guy who may or may not be gay. Smothers keeps falling down without any contact being made. Pain comes in and twists Slim’s nipples to start things off.

Bull Pain pounds on Slim as the announcers crack jokes about whatever they think of. A reverse DDT puts Slim down for no cover for Pain. Pain looks like a shorter Albert from his piercing days. The Rydas get on Pain’s nerves and draw him into their corner so Red comes in to pound on Slim. The Rydas are small guys so the size difference is jarring.

Off to Blue vs. Necro with Blue speeding things up and hitting a running knee to the face. Blue goes up but jumps into an uppercut. Off to Pondo who hits a kind of piledriver onto a chair that is in the ring out of nowhere. Things break down a bit and it’s off to Necro vs. Smothers. Necro chops away in the corner and Pain starts beating on everyone with a bat or a pipe or whatever it is.

Tracy comes in and Necro sets for a tiger driver, but Tracy’s daughter/sister (forget it people, it’s JCW) Isabelle comes in to break it up. Pain walks out on Smothers for some reason and Tracy follows. Red breaks up a DDT on Pondo from Raven and heads up. In a pretty awesome looking finish, Red gets shoved off the top by Goody into the DDT from Raven who hits it perfectly for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This was a bit of a mess because there were too many people and too much stuff going on out there at once. The ending was pretty awesome looking though as Red looked dead after that DDT. I have no idea why Raven and Slim are together but it’s Raven so it’s not a big deal at all.

And now the feed goes off for a bit. It wouldn’t feel right if that didn’t happen.

We recap Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong which is basically a battle of monsters colliding. It’s No DQ either.

Rhyno vs. Kongo Kong

No countout or DQ. Apparently Kongo has lost over 90lbs since the video was made because he’s billed as 410lbs here and was said to be over 500lbs in the video. Kong is a savage or something close to one. Kong immediately clotheslines him down but Rhyno pops back up. Rhyno hits a decent belly to belly given how fat Kong is but Kong pops back up. Kong misses a charge and flips over the top rope to the floor in a surprising display of balance.

Rhyno dives onto Kong but loses a slugout on the floor. Back in and the fat man (Kongo if you’re not familiar with Rhyno, which makes me wonder why you’re reading this) pounds away and we get the required nerve hold. Rhyno Hulks Up and finally knocks Kong down with shoulders. The Gore hits….for two? I didn’t see that coming. A second Gore again only gets two but the third one hits the buckle, giving Kongo a rollup win out of nowhere.

Rating: D. Kong is a big guy but there’s nothing more to him than that. Also, why would you have a monster come off looking like he can only win on a fluke? Kicking out of two Gores was a nice surprise as the Gore is a very famous finisher. This was short which helped a bit but it didn’t work that well due to Kong being unable to do much.

We recap the women’s three way. There’s something about training and throwing in a towel and I really don’t care.

Brittany Force vs. Amber O’Neal vs. Ring Girl Randy

Amber is billed as being from Heaven. That’s kind of awesome. The announcers say they hope it turns into lesbianism. Well why bother to just hint at it I guess? Anyway Amber tries to leave but the other two pull her back in and beat her to the floor. Randy hits a Samoan Drop on Force to send Brittany to the floor, followed by a big dive to take Brittany out. Amber sends Randy into the post so let’s look at the announcers.

Back in and Brittany grabs a fast rollup for two on Amber but gets caught in a running Umaga attack in the corner. Amber knocks everyone down and hits a bad X Factor on Force for two. Force gets two off something we missed because we were looking at the commentators. Randy keeps getting beaten up as she tries to get back in. Amber chokes Brittany over the ropes while in a rana position and Randy is back in.

Scratch that as she’s already back out. Amber puts a chinlock on Force for about 10 seconds, followed by a Stink Face. Force avoids a charge and hits a Downward Spiral on Amber and Randy finally gets back in. A facejam from Force gets two on Amber, but Randy comes in and hits a reverse DDT on Force for the surprise win.

Rating: D+. This was your usual three way with the person who looked to be losing the entire time coming out of nowhere for the surprise pin. That’s always annoying as it’s such a played out idea that as soon as Randy kept getting knocked to the floor I knew she was going to win. Nothing to see here but Amber is good looking so it helps.

X-Pac vs. Luke Gallows vs. Rob Conway

The winner gets a contract, even though Conway already has one. Fast paced opening here with no one being able to get an advantage. Conway is sent to the floor and Gallows is knocked out as well, followed by Pac with a big dive. Conway crotches Pac on the platform the ring is on which gets two back in the ring. Now we get to the usual turning point of a triple threat: the fight between the heels (?) that want to pin the guy who is down.

Gallows kills Conway with a chokeslam but Pac kicks Gallows down. Luke kicks Pac in the face in the corner but misses a middle rope elbow. Conway puts a sleeper on Gallows but they both fall to the floor. The sleeper wasn’t broken though and Gallows is put to sleep. Conway goes back in to try to do the same to Pac but X-Pac rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible but it just came and went. Gallows is as generic of a big man as you can get and Conway is just there, which is why he’s an OVW legend and not much else. The match was as typical of a three way as you could ever ask for. Nothing special at all here though, which might as well be the name of the show.

We recap Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro. They were friends, Vampiro came into the ring when Robinson won his fourth title and kicked Robinson’s head off. This is something about Robinson proving himself, despite having two title reigns that have gone over two years already. Robinson says this is his life, unlike Vampiro where it’s like the fourth biggest thing on his list. Vampiro says that’s exactly like ICP and they’re doing fine. Both of these guys are in the Juggalo World Order which is the big stable which hasn’t been mentioned until this promo.

JCW World Title: Corporal Robinson vs. Vampiro

Robinson is defending if that wasn’t clear. They shake hands to start and finally lock up. Before anything can get going, here’s Evil Dead for no apparent reason. He gets in the ring and drills the referee as the other two guys get in each others’ faces. Evil Dead DDTs both guys and leaves. This is happening…..why exactly?

Robinson and Vampiro slug it out from their knees which takes a good while. Robinson shoulders him down but gets kicked in the face a second later to give Vampiro control again. Robinson comes back again and tries his finisher called Boot Camp (cobra clutch legsweep) but Vampiro escapes. A neckbreaker gets two for the champion as does a superkick from Vampiro. Vampiro’s chokeslam is broken up and apparently it’s almost 5:00am. Good grief.

A tornado DDT gets two for Robinson as they’re in the problem most indy matches have: they have no idea how to tell a story in the ring and it’s just a string of moves with nothing between them. Vampiro flips off the fans to go heel I guess, and walks into a dragon screw leg whip for his efforts. Robinson puts on a quick leglock but Vamp gets to a rope. The Corporal brings in a chair but Vampiro kicks his knee out just in time.

Vampiro loads up something off the top but gets pulled down into a Tree of Woe. We get the Tommy Dreamer running dropkick into the chair into the guy in the Tree of Woe’s face for two. Vampiro comes back with a kind of Van Daminator and Robinson is busted open. It’s table time now because what would a main event be without one of those? Off to a chinlock by Vampiro so he can bite the cut a bit.

The table is set up in the corner and Vampiro goes after the cut on Robinson’s head. Robinson is sent face first into the chair but Vampiro walks around too much and gets suplexed down for two. Robinson goes up but misses a legdrop to bring things to a halt again. Chokeslam from Vampiro gets two, followed by a Robinson powerbomb and Boot Camp for the pin to retain. The table was never used.

Rating: C-. This went WAY too long which brings it down a bit. Somehow this match was almost twenty minutes long and about four minutes of that was spent on laying around. I have no idea what the point of Evil Dead was but it came and went and didn’t change anything. Not a terrible match or anything and it was fine for a main event on a show of this caliber.

The locker room comes out to celebrate with Robinson as Vampiro leaves. He finally comes back to celebrate to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This certainly wasn’t the worst show I’ve ever seen but it’s nothing I’d ever want to see more of. JCW started off as basically a parody of wrestling with things like the announcers saying this match sucks so let’s watch a different one and then they would actually change over to another match or the ICP declaring themselves the winners because they own the company and they’ll fire anyone that beats them. Instead this was just a run of the mill indy show with absolutely nothing memorable or different at all. That being said, the show cost five bucks so it’s really hard to complain.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This is one of the reasons why NXT is possibly the best wrestling show today.Dusty Rhodes is the GM of NXT and he’s been on the show maybe three times.  He makes matches but he doesn’t do so on screen.  What might happen is two guys will have an altercation in the back and then when they have the match, Regal might say something like “this match was set up by NXT GM Dusty Rhodes.”  No TV time wasted, no theme songs being pounded into our heads, no holding the hand of the viewers, just matches being made when they make sense.

Why can’t Raw or Smackdown get this?

One Night Stand 2005
Date: June 12, 2005
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,500
Commentators: Joey Styles, Mick Foley

Well you knew I would get to this someday. This is pretty much my most requested show and since it’s my birthday I wanted to do a show that I really like. This was built up as exactly what the title is: a One Night Stand, as in one night only ECW is back. This was an absolute dream come true for ECW fans as WWE owned the names and trademarks and a lot of the contracts and therefore could put on a high quality show. This should be fun. Let’s do it.

To set this up, there is a Raw and Smackdown invasion going on, although no one really cared. Also you have none of the matches advertised that I can remember, which drives home one point: the wrestling here doesn’t matter at all and it’s about these guys having one last run. That’s perfectly fine and to me it made the show a lot better.

To translate: the grades for the match do not reflect the show as a whole. The matches are likely going to be graded low, but it means nothing at all so put zero to no stock into what I’m saying about the technical stuff.

We’re in the Ballroom and the fans are out in freaking force. They pop like a cherry for the theme song and this is going to be awesome. Joey Styles is introduced and he looks freaking pumped. I’ve always loved this song too. He’s legitimately having trouble keeping it together.

This is much more interesting to watch after Hardcore Homecoming as you really get to see both sides of the coin. He drops an OMG and introduces Foley as his commentary partner who comes out to the WWF Cactus Jack music. See them thinking there? That’s nice.

Play that freaking video monkeys!

Lance Storm vs. Chris Jericho

It’s Lionheart here too and we get a dramatic pause joke from Joey. It’s great to hear Joey talk about the old days, which to be fair and honest were more or less crap but for the sake of this it’s fine. Jericho is freaking small here as he looks like he did in WCW which I mean in a good way. It amazes me that these two have been so intertwined throughout the years. Foley throws in that he was the guy that saw Jericho in Japan and got Heyman to bring him to America and ECW in particular.

Dawn Marie is a crack w**** apparently. We hear about SMW to really make this great. Apparently Joey and ECW don’t like that the New York Athletic Commission made them use mats. This is something that on paper sounds great and on a rare occasion like this one it works like a charm. With these guys here’s what you do: “Chris, Lance, you have 7 minutes, here’s your ending.” That’s all they need. Joey calls Foley Mickles. Ok then.

We get a big old Chris Candido chant who would have passed away only about a month and a half before this show. To say the crowd is hot is like saying Steve Austin might have had alcohol before. We have an F JOHN CENA chant. Foley: How does the Calgary Crab differ from its Boston cousin?

Joey: It doesn’t it’s just a gimmick. Jason and Justin Credible are here and with Dawn Marie running interference, Justin canes the hec out of Jericho to allow Storm to get the easy pin. Joey complaining about itching from Jason is funny. Lance more or less retired after this.

Rating: B. This was rather fun indeed. These two have good matches just about every time they’re allowed to get in the ring and this was no exception. This is a pairing that it’s hard to get wrong and it worked out just about perfectly. Solid match and a solid ending to Storm’s final match in the mainstream.

Pitbull Gary Wolfe intros a tribute to wrestlers that have passed away. We have Rocco Rock, part of a tag team I never got the appeal of but dang they were popular, Terry Gordy, Mike Lockwood (Crash Holly), Original Sheik (the first brawler that got really famous arguably), Mike Lozansky (old school ECW guy), Anthony Durante (Pitbull #1), Big Dick Dudley and Chris Candido. It’s scary that other than Sheik, I don’t think any of these guys were 40. That’s freaking scary when you think about it.

Let the Candido chants begin. This one I can have a lot of sympathy for as he died due to complications from an injury and not anything he caused to himself.

Tajiri vs. Super Crazy vs. Little Guido

This is under elimination rules. The whole FBI comes out here, as in 5-6 guys with maybe 2 Italians in there. The innuendo joke gets old fast. These were matches that happened a lot back in the day and they were always International Three Way Dances, as in one guy is from each country. Crazy was a guy that I never was sure if I liked him or not. Foley throws out a little known fact that he and Smothers won tag titles in Japan.

This was ECW’s answer to the luchadores that were stolen by WCW. Joey is in his element here with a bunch of move names as Foley says he can’t keep up with Joey so he’s mostly on his own here. SICK dropkick to a seated Guido from Crazy. These guys are moving like insanity out there (can’t say Crazy is moving like crazy out there).

They hit the crowd and Crazy goes to the balcony and hits an AMAZING moonsault into the crowd before going back into the ring and taking the Tarantula. That moonsault really was amazing and Joey chanting DIOS MIO was hilarious. We haven’t had an American wrestler in a match yet.

There’s the FBI in there and since they have the combined IQ of yogurt, Mikey Whipwreck, Tajiri’s tag partner, comes in and hits the Whippersnapper (second rope Stunner which yes he used before Austin) so Tajiri gets the easy pin to get us down to the Japanese Buzzsaw vs. the Crazy Mexican wrestler. After some more Mikey shenanigans, a top rope moonsault ends this for Crazy.

Rating: C+. Other than the dive this was a total mess. It wasn’t terrible at all but compared to the stuff WCW would pull out, this really wasn’t that great. The dive was indeed awesome though and definitely makes the match.

We hit the highlight reel of ECW which has Shane making ECW more or less, the Night the Line Was Crossed, UltraClash III (Paul’s first show as booker), Sandman, Sabu, Dreamer getting caned, the chair throwing incident which was cool, Funk being lit on fire and Foley breaking kayfabe over it, the belt being thrown down, Sandman isn’t blind, the ring collapsing with Public Enemy and that’s it apparently.

The WWE invaders aren’t here yet.

The theme song is Bodies for no apparent reason. The sponsor is called DESTROY ALL HUMANS! That sounds like something that some demon screams.

Psicosis vs. Rey Mysterio

Still no traditional American wrestlers (yes I know Rey is from California but you get the idea). Psicosis doesn’t wear his mask after losing it in WCW, which is about as stupid of an idea as possible (Why let him keep the mask? I mean it’s not like he’s ridiculously popular and a ton of kids are going to buy them or anything so we’re in essence throwing away a gold mine or anything like that) but I digress.

Rey was still the high flier at this point and not a world champion or main event guy yet. The fans chant put the mask on which is amusing. The fans boo the heck out of a sleeper hold from Psicosis. One thing you have to give to the ECW fans: they were never a dead crowd. Ah now that’s more like it: top rope legdrop onto Rey who is on the railing.

Note to self: watch Bash at the Beach where these two lit the company on fire with an epic opening match that stole the whole show. It just happened to have the most shocking heel turn in history and no one else ever mentioned anything else on the show. Naturally they were never pushed but that’s WCW for you. All right NOW we’re getting somewhere as they just dive all over the place. The 619 gets booed out of the building but the West Coast Pop ends it just afterwards.

Rating: B-. This was a slow start but once they got going it worked much better. This was all over the place and it worked about as well as you could ask for it to. The problem with the wrestling here is starting to show: 7 minutes per match simply isn’t enough to really get anything going, but again that’s not the point here.

The Crusaders/Invaders are here. There are too many to list but the main ones are Edge, Christian, Angle and JBL. Oh and Bischoff is with them too. Other than that it’s mainly jobbers. The heat on these guys is INSANE.

Roadkill and Doring talk about nothing and the Smackdown Crusaders interrupt them….somehow.

More highlights from ECW focusing on general carnage. The Monday Nyquil promo will never get old, period. This is more from the glory days and it’s FAR better than the PPV era. You really get the bad times of the company on PPV and that’s a shame really. I mark out still for the whole Dreamer/Raven insanity. There’s Taz vs. Shane which I would argue killed the company as much as any given angle for reasons I go into in far more detail in the regular PPV reviews.

Joel Gertner is in the Crusaders’ area. He gets a freaking ROAR. And JBL literally kicks him out. Angle runs down the ECW fans who chant you suck, so he says their mom taught him how to. The ending is clear here, but it’s going to be sweet. JBL trying to act like a big shot really is funny. However his rant against internet fans is pretty funny.

RVD’s music cuts off JBL’s rant though just as he says no one will ever be that big. He wouldn’t win the world title for a year though. I would have preferred Walk but One of a Kind suits him a little better and is still a great song. This was in the middle of the longest knee injury in recorded history as Van Dam was out for over a year because of it. RVD gets on the mic and more or less shoots for a bit on JBL and wrestling in general about how JBL sucks. Oh he says he’s shooting. Ok then.

Van Dam talks about how he was the biggest thing around at the end of ECW which is absolutely right. Of course Heyman wouldn’t put the belt on him ever when he could have carried ECW another 3-4 months at the least with Van Dam on top. He and Fonzie run through their whole deal and mention the idiotic two year TV Title run he had. Yeah it was stupid. If he’s the biggest guy in the company, why not make him WORLD CHAMPION?

He says he pitched the idea for this show to Vince, saying they didn’t even need a storyline. Van Dam can’t work tonight because of his knee injury and says missing tonight is worse than missing Wrestlemania. I’d buy that actually. Rhyno runs out and beats up Van Dam, bringing on a Sabu chant. And there go the lights. They come back up and that leads us to the following.

Sabu vs. Rhyno

Yep it’s chair time early and Rhyno gets popped with it. I usually hate these things, but even I’m not stupid enough to think they meant nothing at all. Sabu is dominating this for the most part and it’s not as bad as I expected it to be actually. There’s not much to say about this.

The referee takes a gore and here’s Van Dam again. He gets the Chair Surf which is a move I’ve always liked. Yep it’s table time as it’s a Sabu match so there we are. Something that was supposed to be an Arabian SkullCrusher doesn’t work as I think the chair gets away from Sabu but it could have been worse I guess.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much. Like I said though it could have been far worse though as they had Sabu keep the weapons toned down here so that’s all fine and good. Far from great but these three had to be on the show somewhere.

Snow argues with Head. That might have been the most brilliant gimmick of all time. He sets up some more ECW clips which was more about insane moments which deserve clips of their own.

The Raw Crusaders are here now. Earlier it was just the Smackdown guys so Edge, Christian and Bischoff are just getting here. Oh the ending is going to be sweet.

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero

This is much more depressing to say the least upon my second viewing of this show. This is most odd but think about it: first match, both Canadians. Second match, all international guys. Third match, both luchadores. Last match, an “Arab” (Yes I know he’s from Michigan) and Rhyno. Now a Canadian vs. a guy more known as a Latino wrestler. That’s most uncommon. Joey says that these two and Foley are the three most successful guys to ever come out of ECW.

Remember that as I’ll reference it later. Let the sucking up by Joey begin. Someone has herpes apparently. The fans are more or less split here. Eddie is bleeding from the nose so make your own drug jokes. The fans start a MASSIVE F U Bischoff chant. You have to remember: Heyman blamed Bischoff for about 90% of ECW’s problems back in the day so he really is hated.

He’s also the guy that said ECW more or less was worthless and stole most of their talent. Do I need to explain what’s going on here? Of course this is solid. Eddie gets put in the Crossface and after a LONG time in it he taps.

Rating: B-. Again, how do you mess this one up? This needed more time to be anything great but this was good as you would expect. It’s a solid match although at the end Eddie just laid there rather than fight the hold which made me shake my head a lot. Give these two 25 minutes and it’s likely an A. The time killed it though.

Ad for Vengeance which had HHH vs. Batista in HIAC. There’s so much wrong with that airing on an ECW show I can’t believe it.

Gertner asks Bischoff for a job which is much funnier than it sounds. Maven is a crusader. Just take me now.

Mike Awesome vs. Masato Tanaka

Awesome is a guy that is HATED by Styles and ECW for jumping ship and trying to throw the belt in the trash on Nitro. Because you know, no one in ECW ever disrespected a belt or anything like that. Joey says that it’s a shame Awesome didn’t take his own life on a suicide dive. That’s true Joey. He took his own life by hanging himself. As for the match, it’s about as intense and stiff as you could ask for.

This was an epic rivalry that went around the world and had them trade the ECW Title. That’s the issue here: Awesome is a traitor to ECW but this match is stealing the show. Let the LOUD chair shots begin. I never liked Tanaka’s no selling of chair shots. Ok we get it: chair shots hurt a lot. Table time and JBL makes fun of it for which I can’t blame him. The jokes about Awesome being wasted in WCW are ridiculously true.

The guy was freaking amazing so we make him the Fat Chick Thrillah and That 70s Guy. And you wonder why they went out of business. The crowd is WAY into this one. Oh look: tables. How original! We get a THIS MATCH RULES chant. And there goes Tanaka over the top rope through a table with a powerbomb. Add in an over the top rope dive onto the concrete and it’s over. Intense as all goodness.

Rating: B+. Yep, the show has been stolen. These two had some WARS back in the day and this one was no exception at all. Very intense fight rather than a match but whatever. Fun to say the least.

Joey thanks the fans for buying the Rise and Fall of ECW. If you’ve never seen that, go watch it. It’s 3 hours long but that will FLY by. Easily the best documentary in WWE history to me.

The ECW theme plays and IT’S PAUL HEYMAN. This more or less is the main event of the show as Heyman has been quiet for over four years about ECW and its death. He gets on his knees and bows to the fans which is a nice touch. He’s breaking up already. Massive Thank You Paul chant. He has the headset and trenchcoat too. Apparently he’s not crying but rather was just smoking a joint with Van Dam.

He thanks some people and the fans. He was going to take the high road and leave, but SCREW THAT. He goes insane and just rants on everything in his head mainly talking about the Crusaders. This was around the time when Edge legitimately stole Lita from Matt Hardy so that’s a hot button issue.

To JBL: the only reason you were WWE Champion for a year was because HHH didn’t want to work Tuesdays. And that my friends is what you call EPIC WIN. We get the classic THIS IS ECW line to end it. That was worth about 10 dollars of the total cost alone.

Ad for The Devil’s Rejects. No clue what that was for.

Dudley Boys vs. Tommy Dreamer/Sandman

Ok, so this is more or less by far and away the most famous and popular part of this show as the match won’t start for about 15 minutes or so. This was the first time the Dudleys had been seen in months on end and they would be gone and in TNA rather soon. Foley sums up a lot very easily: There are guys like me that absolutely love ECW and everything it stood for but at the end of the day consider themselves WWE guys.

Then you have guys like the Dudley Boys that work for WWE but in their hearts are always going to be ECW guys. That sums up this whole show better than anything else could I think. Dreamer gets a pop and a half. You can tell Dreamer is WAY impressed and really in awe of this. The music hits and so begins the most famous entrance in modern wrestling history at least.

Enter Sandman (original, not that Motorhead nonsense) hits and he’s in the crowd. The fans sing the song for his entrance in what is an awesome moment. He’s on his second beer and he’s still on the top floor. Hey he’s at the railing! His entrance is at 3 minutes now. Bubba gets beer spit at him. Tommy and Sandman have beers with CW Anderson and Chris Chetti in the front row before pouring one on two girls’ chest and licking it off, one of which is Elektra.

D-Von dancing to Metallica is funny and the cane gets jacked off. Five and a half minutes now. Hand pounds all around…and there’s the BWO. The reaction from Foley is hilarious. Think Ray from Ghostbusters when he says “It’s the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man”. Just cracks me up every time. Match hasn’t started yet. Stevie looks good here actually. Joey sums up the BWO perfectly: “If any gimmick never deserved to make a dime and made a whole boatload of cash, this is it.

And the best is they couldn’t sue us because it was a parody.” For those of you that have no idea what I’m talking about, the BWO is the Blue World Order: Big Stevie Cool, Da Blue Guy and Hollywood Nova (Simon Dean). They were a parody of the NWO which wound up being ridiculously popular so they ran with it.

Stevie says they’re taking over and kicks Sandman in the face. Let the brawling begin. Kid Kash is here, having just been fired from TNA, marking I believe the first and only time it was mentioned on WWE programming. He does nothing and here are Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten: the Hardcore Chair Swingin Freaks.

They beat up the BWO so the interfering people are fighting the other interfering people. Nova gets the heck chaired out of him. Joey: that’s more painful than having to be Simon Dean on national TV. Everyone brawls in the aisle and Kash has the referee get on all fours for a HUGE front flip onto all of them. Bubba busts out the trashcans. Remember the match hasn’t started yet. Oh hey there it is, 14 minutes after the Dudleys’ song started. Dreamer has a cheese grated.

The fans chant for Cactus Jack which Foley kind of laughs off. Cheese grater across Dreamer’s head is SICK! Oh he’s busted bad so Bubba rubs it on his face. Joey: Tommy’s skin looks like cabbage in a coleslaw. In case you can’t tell, I freaking love this. Foley calls the grater comical. Sometimes I’d pay to be inside that man’s head. Sandman brings in the ladder. We get probably my all time favorite comedy line in wrestling.

Joey says he was going to compare Dreamer wrestling tonight to Gehrig’s last at bat at Yankee Stadium but Gehrig didn’t whip out a cheese grater and start mutilating people with it. And that my friends is why I love wrestling. It’s so insane that to us it makes sense, but when you compare it to something else, it sounds ridiculous. However, in wrestling, there are three words that make things magical: It Could Happen.

That is why I love wrestling: you never know what you could see. Naturally this is just a wild brawl all over the place. Bubba hits a frog splash on Sandy which has to be better than some forms of execution. D-Von takes the White Russian legsweep and we get a double figure four on the Dudleys but the Impact Players run in. Sandman gets a That’s Incredible on barbed wire and here’s Francine.

Beaulah makes her return for the CATFIGHT CATFIGHT CATFIGHT!!! Dreamer saves her and they have their big reunion with Dreamer’s face covered in blood. The Dudleys get DDTed by the two of them, making me smile. WHERE ELSE BUT IN WRESTLING COULD YOU GET THIS? Beaulah gets two on Bubba and she’s hardcore according to the fans. Joey is told in his headset that he can’t say balls, which he makes fun of of course.

Sandman goes through a table for two. 3D on Dreamer, and it’s the old style, not the crap one now. We have another table and here’s Spike who is seeing COLORS! Yep, the table is on fire and there goes Tommy. In a spot that makes me cringe, Tommy’s head is tilted towards the mat and blood just pools up from his head. That’s a great visual. Bubba actually dives on him for the pin.

Rating: N/A. Can’t give this a fair grade as it wasn’t a match by any definition of the word. Make no mistake about it though: this is the highlight of the show and as much fun as I can remember having watching wrestling perhaps ever.

Post match (oh like you didn’t expect something else to happen) the Dudleys go after Beaulah and get the heck cained out of them. In a spot that always makes me chuckle, Spike comes back again and Sandman turns around and just canes him again before going back to what he was doing. He looked like he was paying a parking meter or something. Sandman looks at Tommy and says someone….someone…SOMEONE GET ME A BEER! Joey: screw the beer, get him some plasma! “Somebody get me a beer!”

CUE GLASS SHATTER!

Yep, Austin (in a XFL jersey of all things) is here. He calls out the whole locker room and says he wants to see a fight. Yep he calls down the crusaders and you know what’s coming. The heat is awesome here. The sight of everyone on their own side of the ring looks great. The crowd chants WE WANT TAZ and guess who shows up. Yep it’s old school Taz, as in the machine Taz. Bischoff is on commentary.

The fight is on and Taz and Angle hit the floor. After a bit of a scuffle, Taz chokes him out. Now the interesting thing is this: in the back of the ring you can see JBL going CRAZY on someone. It would turn out to be Blue Meanie and JBL was legitimately beating him until Tracy Smothers and a few others picked up on it and helped him. This started a legit feud between them with Smothers calling JBL out for a real fight anytime anywhere.

Anyway, other than that of course the ECW guys own the ring and run the WWE guys off. After they leave, Austin gets on the mic (wearing JBL’s hat) and says to Mick Foley to bring Bischoff to the ring. The fans kind of collectively gasp as they know what’s coming. This was a wet dream for them to say the least. The funny part is that he can’t go into the crowd because he’ll get hurt worse out there.

Bischoff takes a 3D, the flying headbutt from Benoit (complete with Austin telling him to kill this son of a gun), a 619 (booed loudly) and a Stunner as the fans are in awe. The Dudleys literally throw Eric out of the building and the party is on. Joey screams ECW LIVES to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This show just isn’t that good. I mean the wrestling is weak, the stories are non-existent and there is no way I can keep doing this with a straight face. It’s really nothign short of an A+. And if there was a higher grade it would get it. This is one of my favorite shows ever, possibly even number 3 after Summerslam 90 and Mania 17. They wanted one blowout show to end it and they hit it so far out of the park you can’t see where it landed.

This is about as perfect of a show as you’ll ever find and it is amazing. Everything clicked, the crowd is in the levels of Canadian Stampede and nothing was left out other than stuff for ridiculously hardcore fans. The key to it all: they let ECW be ECW, not the WWE version that would come NXT year.

Even if you weren’t an ECW fan like I wasn’t, this is a must see show. It feels like the old stuff and works like a charm. The ending couldn’t be any sweeter and it made everything perfect. Absolutely see this show, no questions asked.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

One Night Stand 2006
Date: June 11, 2006
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Attendance: 2,460
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

I don’t think I’ve ever had a series of shows nearly demanded as much as this one so here they are. Since Great American Bash 2000 is still not done I’ll start this series and do all three in a row. This is the second One Night Stand (Two Night Stand? I hope there was at least breakfast in between) and is the first show in WWECW, as the show has been revived. Heyman has selected Angle and RVD over to his show so tonight Angle has an open challenge and RVD is cashing in MITB against Cena in a rather famous match. Let’s get to it.

We open with a shot of the crowd and HERE’S THE BOSS! That song he had which was the theme music for ECW on TNN is still awesome. He speaks for everyone that lived the dream to be a wrestler instead of a superstar and says that the tribe of extreme has risen again. They’re going to pour their Kool-Aid down the throats of everyone and it starts here tonight. The fans chant Thank You Paulie. This is because of the fans, not Vince. Heyman says he’ll be around for the fans and says this is better than Raw and Smackdown. The guy believed in what he had if nothing else.

Theme song plays us in.

Taz vs. Jerry Lawler

They had feuded with their commentaries for weeks leading up to this. Oh before I forget: there was a show called WWE vs. ECW on a Wednesday where Big Show jumped. That show will likely be referenced a lot tonight. Lawler of course is booed out of the building. The good thing though is Lawler is one of the best natural heels that has ever walked the face of the earth so this is no problem for him.

He goes over and slaps Joey before going to the ring. The strap goes down as the bell goes off but Joey comes in and jumps on his back. Piledriver attempt but Taz grabs the Tazmission and we’re done in 30 seconds via chokeout. Exactly what it should have been and a great way to protect Taz who can’t wrestle due to his neck.

We get a clip of the previously mentioned Wednesday show where Show turned. He and Orton were the last two in and Show pulled off his Raw shirt to reveal an ECW one. Well they had to give them some star power. On the same show Cena had a hardcore match with Sabu but Show saved Sabu from tapping and a massive brawl ended the show.

Taz jumps in on commentary.

Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

Orton does his pose on the corner and Joey hates there being fireworks in ECW. This was an open challenge to anyone from any ring “4 sided, 6 sided or 8 sided.” Orton accepted it on Monday so this wasn’t a shock. Angle is of course over like no other here and that whole psycho thing worked well for him. The arena is all smoky now and the vulgar cheers begin. Orton hits the floor and the fans aren’t thrilled at all, chanting pussy at him.

Ankle lock doesn’t work so the fans chant Angle’s Gonna Kill You. Off to a headlock in the ring as the fans curse Orton out like no other. Angle goes for the ankle again and Orton bails again. The crowd is getting to him too. Kurt grabs a double leg with ease and takes Randy down and works him like there’s no tomorrow. Angle offers Randy a free shot and says here, give me a headlock.

Kurt escapes again with a suplex but gets sent into the post to give Randy his first actual advantage. Randy hammers away and Kurt is like screw it and charges him, taking him down with ease again. That seems to be a theme in this match. The fans think Randy can’t wrestle. This is the same company that said guys like Balls Mahoney were great too.

Kurt grabs a half nelson and cranks on the arm but Orton grabs a chinlock instead. The crowd LOUDLY chants boring which I can’t say I disagree with. Angle finally wakes up and snaps off a German but can’t capitalize. They slug it out and Angle is able to get some clotheslines to take over. Another German and let’s Roll with those.

Snap dropkick gets two for Orton as the fans stay on him. Angle reverses into a belly to back because he likes to suplex people. Angle Slam hits for a long two because the Angle Slam isn’t really a finisher, namely due to it never finishing anyone. Ankle lock is reversed and there’s the backbreaker. Top rope cross body is rolled through for two for Kurt. RKO is countered into an ankle lock attempt but that fails. The next attempt doesn’t though and Orton taps.

Rating: B-. Pretty good match here but the chemistry was way off. Angle was destroying Orton out there and went into this big rush whenever Orton got anything going, making Orton look like an idiot out there. In one sense that’s fine but at the same time the match was kind of a mess because Orton never could get anything going. Angle would be gone in two months though so they didn’t really have to deal with it.

ECW is going to have house shows.

FBI vs. Tajiri/Super Crazy

Guido and Mamaluke here with a guy named Big Guido. The fans all chant welcome back to all four guys, even though some of them were here last year. Mamaluke isn’t tiny like he was back in the day of ECW. Tajiri breaks up a key lock by Mamaluke to tick off the Italians. Joey and Taz make fun of the whole Mexicool idea as the fans chant Nacho Libre. Technical stuff of course to start as that’s what you should expect from these guys.

Short arm scissors goes on and Crazy lifts Mamaluke up ala British Bulldog vs. Shawn Michaels. Taz says it’s like Backlund who is more famous for it I guess. Off to Tajiri (big pop) and Guido with the fans chanting for ECW in general. Guido grabs a very quick Fujiwara armbar but Tajiri gets a rope. That came out of nowhere. Guido really was good when he got going out there.

Tajiri gets something like an inbred cousin of the Tequila Sunrise which doesn’t last long. Tree of Woe for Guido and everything breaks down quickly. Double Tree of Woe and almost stereo baseball slides into the Italians. Crazy tries for the triple moonsaults but totally misses the bottom rope one and Mamaluke saves Guido from the others. Asai moonsault takes out the Italians though and everyone is down.

Big Guido finally gets into this and beats up Crazy like there’s nothing there. Crazy vs. Mamaluke now and Tony (Mamaluke’s first name if I missed that) throws on some fast submissions which get him nowhere. Guido kicks Crazy in the face and Tajiri is like GIMMICK INFRINGEMENT and kicks the Italians in half.

One man flapjack by Crazy sets up the tag to Tajiri and the kicks are on again. Octopus goes on Mamaluke as this has been about 1.1 sided. Handspring elbow takes out the Italians and a big kick to Guido gets two as it all breaks down again. Double Tarantula to the Italians as this is shifting to 1.05 sided. The good guys (I guess) try to take out Big Guido with kicks and that actually works. Some giant. Crazy gets taken down so Tajiri beats up the Italians for a bit until they catch him in a double Fisherman’s Buster to end it.

Rating: C. Really not sure if I agree with that ending as Tajiri was WAY more popular than anyone else in there. The Italians were a team that was funny when they had the joke right but then towards the end they blew it by making them just a regular tag team. Really not sure I get the ending there but not a bad match at all.

Big Show comes out and beats everyone up, including having what I guess is a big showdown with Big Guido.

ECW on Sci-Fi debuts Tuesday.

JBL pops up in the balcony with some other WWE guys behind him to run down WCW. The fans chant homosexual slurs which JBL has no issues shouting back at them. We get references to the Blue Meanie incident last year where JBL legitimately beat up Meanie during the big brawl to end the show. This goes into a huge anti-ECW rant where he praises Vince and bashes everything ECW stood for. This is great heel stuff and the crowd reaction mostly proves it. Oh and now JBL is the voice of Smackdown.

Get the ECW book!

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Sabu

Rey is booed out of the freaking building. Naturally he’s only the World Champion here instead of the World Heavyweight Champion because that’s how they roll here. This is under extreme rules, like every other match here should be but of course isn’t because that’s not the WWE way. Rey has a chair during the big match intros. Sabu grabs one before the bell and the fans are totally behind Sabu. Joey: “Mixed reaction here for Rey.” Taz: “Nah they’re booing him.”

After some basic wrestling stuff they duel with the chairs and guess who wins that. Air Sabu in the corner but Rey gets a drop toehold to break up the Triple Jump Moonsault. 619 misses and you would think Rey had just banned rainbows. BIG chair shot sends Rey to the floor and the brawl is on. It’s table time with the table set up as a bridge between the ring and the railing.

Rey is placed on it but moves as Sabu starts setting up. Sabu gets sent into the steps and a moonsault press gets two for Rey. Camel clutch by Sabu which draws a Sheik chant. Naturally he lets it go to grab a table. Arabian Facebuster has Rey in trouble as he left the table on the floor. Table is set up in front of the aisle but Rey knocks him onto it and hits a seated senton through it to put both guys down in the aisle.

Sabu’s arm is messed up and Rey tries something like Air Sabu in the corner but Sabu gets out of the way and hits a springboard leg lariat to take Rey down. Triple Jump Moonsault gets a close two. It was more like a knee drop to the face but close enough. Sabu gets all ticked off and pelts the chair at the head of Rey to take him down. Onto the bridged table from earlier and a big front flip dive over the top through the table takes both guys out. And here are some suits to say that they can’t continue and we’re done. I’ll spare you a very long rant about how stupid this is.

Rating: C+. This would have been higher if this had a finish. Rey wasn’t used to being hated like this so they went against it for the sake of having a decent match. That being said, taking the superhero out of the match in case it got too extreme is incredibly stupid. Oh screw it. Here’s that rant I mentioned.

This is the first shot to killing ECW. Let’s take a look at some of Sabu’s more famous stuff. He’s ripped open a bicep and glued it back together to continue a match. He’s had to be cut out of barbed wire after winning a match. He’s been set on fire. He’s been put through more tables than you can count. He’s been beaten up, stomped on, kicked, smacked around, choked out and everything else you can think of, but here he can’t continue because of going through a single table.

Just think about that for a minute. How weak does that make him look? The old grizzled hero of the people now can’t take a single shot through a table by doctors’ orders. How many times do you remember a doctor being around in ECW? The very idea of a DQ in ECW was blasphemy. You can see right here how it’s a WWE show and not an ECW show at all.

This would be a sign of things to come for the company as I’ sure you remember the Zombie being on the first show on Sci-Fi. Yes, as in a dead guy that craves human flesh. It’s as stupid as it sounds. Anyway, ECW was dead and the proof should have started right here. Stupid moment as even Rey winning on a fluke pin would have made more sense here. Just terribly stupid and a way to make ECW look weak from the get go.

Anyway take a guess as to how the fans take this one. The replay shows that it was more or less a jumping DDT to Rey so he should be hurt a good deal worse.

We recap Edge/Foley vs. Dreamer/Funk. Foley and Edge had a great hardcore match at Mania and declared that he and Edge were the best hardcore guys ever. Funk and Dreamer protested and we have a match. Heyman went off on Foley, saying he was a prostitute. Oh and Edge and Foley were declared co-hardcore champions. Foley says everyone in ECW is jealous because he got the star power that none of them did. Heyman made the required tag match.

Edge/Mick Foley vs. Tommy Dreamer/Terry Funk

Foley is booed out of the building but we have promos before the match. He says he did sell out, but he means Madison Square Garden. He loved ECW at the point when it was run by a true visionary, so let’s hear it for Stephanie McMahon! Long live the Alliance! Funny stuff. Here’s Edge with Lita. Edge says this is ECW’s Christmas but Heyman is Santa. Then they’re going to go home and text their imaginary girlfriends that the show was great then get on the internet and pleasure themselves to his actual girlfriend. Funny stuff again. Lita says the fans get little action and runs down Beaulah.

The cover of Man in the Box comes on to keep the riot from starting. Even Beaulah is here so let’s make it a six man/woman.

Edge/Mick Foley/Lita vs. Tommy Dreamer/Terry Funk/Beaulah McGillicutty

Always thought Beaulah looked great. Wonder if she’s related to Michael. Beaulah is in heels so this isn’t going to go well for her. Catfight to start but the guys pull them back. Edge and Dreamer start us off and they actually wrestle a bit. Off to Foley and Funk quickly who wrestle a bit also. Actually I’d give that to Funk. He might be better at it even though he’s a bit out of practice. Foley isn’t sure he wants to do this and tries to leave. Yep here’s the brawl.

Dreamer grabs some water to send into Edge’s face as Funk hammers on Foley with whatever he takes a notion to. The girls are still chilling on the apron as weapons come into the ring. There aren’t going to be any more tags at all are there? I really wouldn’t expect a lot of play by play from this point on. Baseball slide into a garbage can into Foley’s head. Edge takes over on Dreamer and it’s ladder time already.

The old dudes go up the aisle and it’s so nice to see WWE production values here where they know how to go back and forth and keep up with the action rather than seeing the tops of people’s heads and calling it following the action. Ladder goes upside Dreamer’s head but a spear is hiptossed and Edge lands on the ladder. Funk and Foley get back in and it’s windmill with the ladder time.

Funk, a spry 61 here, goes up the ladder only for Edge to dump it over and have him crash down onto the mat below. Dreamer sets for the Dreamer Driver on Edge but Lita finally does something, breaking up the Driver. Foley and Edge find a big plywood board. Uh…ok? They find another one covered in barbed wire. NOW THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! They slam it down on Dreamer who gets it caught in his skin.

They try to do it again but Funk pulls their feet out and it lands on the heels, including Edge’s face. The fans, ever the nice guys, chant that they want fire. Barbed wire board is set up in the corner and it’s time for some punching on Foley before he gets thrown through the board. Dreamer is crotched on the railing outside as the fans think this is awesome. I’d be inclined to agree for once.

Foley manages to throw the board onto Funk and has Lita get even more barbed wire. It gets wrapped around Foley’s arm and he rams it into Funk’s head. Terry is bleeding all over and shakes like a fish as is his custom. Foley rams the wire into his face for good measure so the referees take Funk out as he screams about his eye. The fans want Sandman but get a barbed wire ball bat instead.

That goes into Dreamer’s anatomy, including his balls due to the leg drop from Lita. Mick pulls out a pair of socks to really tick the fans off. Foley goes ultra heel by putting the Claw on Beaulah, setting Dreamer off. He gets caught in the hold anyway and Edge spears him half to death. Edge and Lita go after Beaulah and Edge bends her over in front of him. Where are Trish and HHH when you need them for pointers?

Instead it’s Funk, coming through the crowd with a big bandage around his head and a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire. The distraction lets Dreamer hit a pair of low blows and Beaulah chases Lita off. Funk blasts them both with the board and then in the words of Bubba Ray Dudley, why don’t we just light it on fire? Funk drills Edge with it then hits Foley, sending him through the barbed wire board which Foley said was absolute agony on a commentary I heard for this match.

Funk gets dropped on top of him but Dreamer takes down Edge, putting him in a Crossface but instead of choking him he wraps barbed wire around his face and pulls back on it. FREAKING OW MAN!!! Catfight ensues and Dreamer gives Lita a Death Valley Driver and is all fired up but Edge grabs an Edge-O-Matic with the barbed wire. Spear to Beaulah and a cover with Edge putting her legs in the air and bouncing up and down on her ends this absolute war.

Rating: A-. Freaking WAR here as these four absolutely destroyed each other in the name of violence and revenge. Edge looked like a superstar which was the point of this whole thing. This is easily the match of the show and is well worth seeing if you’re a fan of big old violent wars. The WWE camera work helps a lot here too as they barely missed anything which is a major upgrade over the regular ECW production values. Check this one out as it’s great stuff and very violent but in a good way.

We take some time to clean up the carnage. Funk is still in barbed wire and him giving instructions on how to get him out of it is funny for some reason.

Cena is in the back and the heat is unreal.

RVD is getting ready and the fans are a bit more pleased.

Balls Mahoney vs. Masato Tanaka

Taz (sans sunglasses) makes fun of Balls being from Nutley, New Jersey. What are the odds of that one? These two used to be tag champions. Show of respect to start as the fans are totally behind Tanaka. He has a bad shoulder too. Tanaka hammers away to start but walks into a powerslam and some punches. Mahoney is sent to the floor so Tanaka dives on him to start a brawl outside.

Balls wants a beer so he takes a sip and drills Tanaka with the rest of it. Running chair shot misses as a fan has a sign that says pork. No one ever said they made sense. Back in now and Tanaka gets a superplex for two. Balls gets one of his own and screw it let’s have a chair duel. A huge shot from Mahoney is enough to end it, which is a bit hard to buy after the war Tanaka and Awesome had last year.

Rating: D+. Just a quick match to give the fans a breather which is probably a good idea. This was a rematch from some original PPV I think but that wasn’t referenced. To be fair though it’s not like there was a point to this one so I can’t blame them for that one. Just a match here and there’s nothing bad about that.

We recap RVD winning MITB at Mania and saying he wasn’t sure when to cash it in. He picked One Night Stand which makes perfect sense from his perspective actually. This gets the music video treatment.

The announcer gets ready to announce the match but here’s Eugene instead. Oh I don’t see this ending well at all. He says he loves ECW and says he’s Bischoff’s nephew which was forgotten by this time I think. He says he’s hardcore and thinks the boos are U for Eugene. He has a poem about ECW and the announcers blast this beyond belief.

Eugene gets through a few verses and says he wants to hug everyone…..and here’s Sandman to not Enter Sandman. The entrance takes forever but the destruction of Eugene….gee this isn’t a nice place is it? That was the inherent flaw in the Eugene character but that’s par for the course in wrestling. Eugene runs during the beating which is rather intelligent.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Rob Van Dam

After an extended entrance from RVD, it’s time for the moment that this show is remembered for. Cena’s entrance is a sight to behold as you will never, ever see more heat on one guy no matter how long you live. There’s the famous “If Cena Wins We Riot” sign but the thing here is: they really will riot.

The start of the song gets just booing but when he steps through the curtain it’s on. You see nothing but middle fingers as he comes down the aisle and Cena holds the title up like a boxer would and just soaks it in. The big match intros make it even worse. They throw his hat and shirt back, which says a lot actually. Then they do it again. Make it three times. Would you believe four? The thing to remember: there are only 2,500 people here. Watch this match and you would seriously think it was a 15,000 seat arena. It’s that bad.

There’s the bell and Cena is shaken up. There’s the FU already. The chant to Cena, not the move. Toilet paper comes in and this is insane. They lock it up a few times and Cena shoves him into the corner as the fans say you can’t wrestle. This is Extreme Rules which I forgot to mention. Perfectplex gets two. Every single move Cena makes is being booed even louder and it seems to be legit getting to him. Can’t say I blame him but it’s weird to see from Cena.

RVD kicks him to the floor and is nothing less than divine here. They butt heads in the ring and slug it out. Powerslam gets two for the champ and a clothesline sends him to the floor. The fans chant “same old stuff” but in a bit more colorful way. Cena goes up top and drops a forearm from the top and sends Van Dam into the table. Now the fans think he’s overrated. RVD gets a moonsault press off the steps to take over out of nowhere.

Cena reverses an Irish Whip and down goes the cameraman. Out into the crowd which I give Cena legit credit for doing as I’d be scared of being stabbed or something. Cena gets draped over the railing and Van Dam hits that spinning legdrop to take both guys down. Back to the ring now but Rob gets a baseball slide and a slingshot guillotine legdrop for no cover. Skateboard chair shot in the corner gets a close two.

Rolling Thunder lands on the chair but a delay in the cover means only two. Split legged moonsault (take notes Morrison) eats knees (take better notes) and Cena gets a DDT on the chair which no one sells like Van Dam. The fans remind him that he can’t wrestle. I wonder if Vince gave the guys a similar speech when they changed the company name. With a chair wedged between the ropes, Cena gets a slingshot to send RVD’s head into it for a close two.

Cena shows he has a massive set and does You Can’t See Me and the Five Knuckle Shuffle which is about as evil as you can get in ECW. FU is countered and a double leg spin kick takes Cena down. Cena cranks it up but a charge eats boot. The kick off the top is just ducked and Van Dam crashes. Crowd chants YOU STILL SUCK. RVD tries to sit Cena on the top rope (the rope itself, not the corner) but drops him to the floor. Dropkick sends Cena into the railing and it’s table time.

Table is set up in the corner by Van Dam but he turns around into the STFU. There’s a rope after a long crawl but does he really have to break it in an extreme rules match? The referee gets in Cena’s face so Cena drills him with a clothesline and crotches Rob on the top. Superplex but there’s no referee.

Cena brings in the steps and DRILLS Van Dam with them as I guess he’s a heel now as far as this match goes. A Smackdown referee comes in to count two and it’s FU time. RVD grabs the ropes so Cena sends him over the top instead. Out of NOWHERE a guy in a helmet and trenchcoat pops up to spear Cena through the table.

The helmet comes off and it’s Edge. Crowd: THANK YOU EDGE! THANK YOU EDGE! THANK YOU EDGE! This is the guy that tried to kill Tommy Dreamer earlier remember. Van Dam is like ok (Joey: Do it Rob, we’ll take it!”) and the Five Star hits as Heyman comes out to count the pin. This actually counted because Heyman was a WWE big shot or something like that. More or less he was the ECW GM.

Rating: B+. This is more for the crowd than the match for once. No question about it: this is required viewing to show what is meant by having the crowd make a match better than it should be. The people made RVD Cena’s equal and that was a big leap for him at this point. There was no other option for the ending, if nothing else for fear of the WWE guys’ safety. Good match, absolutely amazing visual.

RVD celebrates in the crowd as the locker room has a beer bash in the ring. Does anyone else find it really funny that Heyman never made Van Dam world champion but Vince and later Bischoff did?

Overall Rating: A. While it’s a step below last year’s, this was an awesome show with FAR better in ring stuff including two must see matches and some other decent stuff. This felt like a PPV instead of a reunion and that’s what it was supposed to be. Great show as everyone was working hard and it seemed like there was a reason for ECW to come back. Granted Van Dam was busted for drug possession in about three weeks and dropped the title and Angle would be in TNA in about four months, but we can let that go for the sake of a great show. Well worth seeing for multiple reasons.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 3, 2012
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

It’s Labor Day and on top of that the guys are coming back off a tour of Australia, meaning that I wouldn’t expect much tonight. Granted after last week’s mostly awful show, I wouldn’t expect much anyway but you have to have hope. Anyway, the focus is going to be on Punk vs. Cena after last week’s ending. Perhaps we’ll even get an explanation as to why Cena didn’t just climb the freaking cage. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Lawler/Punk stuff from last week.

We open in the arena and there’s no Lawler as we get a clip of him in the back from before the show getting destroyed by Punk.

Tonight Is The Night for Punk vs. an old man again apparently.

Here’s Sheamus with something to say. He says the party never ends in Chicago but the party is ending soon for Alberto Del Rio. Cue Punk with a mic of his own and the big hometown boy reaction. Punk talks about how he’s happy to be here and we saw him beating up Lawler earlier. He claims Lawler started it because Punk is the real king of Chicago.

Last week Punk was teaching Lawler a lesson in the cage until a white knight came out to rescue him. Punk doesn’t like what Lawler said on him at Raw 1000 and Cena saved Lawler. If Cena saved Lawler it means he agrees with Lawler and if he agrees with Lawler it means he’s disrespecting Punk and that’s not cool. It’s Cena that has turned his back on the WWE Universe, not Punk.

Sheamus cuts Punk off and is booed loudly. He says Punk claims to be the best in the world, but Sheamus is World Heavyweight Champion. Sheamus calls Punk down to the ring but Punk says he doesn’t have time for such a thing. He says Sheamus is at best the second best in the world so he can shut his mouth. Sheamus says turn around so he can see what Punk is talking out of. Cue AJ who makes Del Rio vs. Cena and Punk vs. Sheamus. Punk vs. Sheamus with 20 minutes sounds awesome. It won’t happen here, but it sounds awesome.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Dolph demanded this after losing on Friday. He immediately dropkicks Orton down and struts a bit. Orton comes back with a dropkick of his own and the circle stomp. A slingshot suplex gets two on Dolph and Orton hits a kind of clothesline before sending Ziggler to the floor. Orton rams him into the barricade a few times and we take a break.

Back with Ziggler getting backdropped. Orton misses a knee drop and Ziggler takes over. He goes through his usual offense, including the headstand chinlock and the big jumping elbow. Orton comes back and puts Ziggler on top for a superplex for two. The clotheslines look to set up the Elevated DDT but Dolph escapes, only to get caught in the backbreaker for two. Dolph comes back with his jumping DDT for two. That should be his finisher instead of the Zig Zag. Fameasser misses and there’s the Elevated DDT. The RKO is loaded up but Ziggler rolls through into a rollup for the pin with trunks at 13:45.

Rating: B-. Another decent match between these two but I continue to not get the idea that WWE has with this kind of booking. Is Ziggler pinning Orton here supposed to make up for him losing on Friday? It really doesn’t and it doesn’t make him look good because they’ve now split their matches. This doesn’t make me want to see a third match between them at the PPV either. Orton is leaving soon and is just back off a suspension, so have him put Ziggler over. It’s not going to hurt him, I assure you.

Miz comes out immediately for commentary. Not to jump Orton or anything, but for commentary.

Time for more from Anger Management with Bryan and Kane. Bryan’s is a piece of paper with the words YES and NO on it over and over. He explains the feud with the audience over what they should and snaps a bit. Kane holds up a blank piece of paper. He asks if the instructor wants to see how he feels inside. Kane throws the paper in the trash and sends fire into it. Bryan: “Teacher’s pet.” Next topic: families. This should be good.

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes/Tensai

The lights are on full here which is a nice touch. Cody and Cara start and the camera is looking different tonight. It’s at a lower level instead of looking down on the ring a bit. Ah now it’s back to normal as we take a break. So we had a break, the Anger Management stuff, another break, the entrances, 50 seconds of the match and now another break. Great.

Back with Tensai hammering on Cara before tagging back to Cody for a bow and arrow submission hold. That gets nowhere so Cody goes for the mask and punches Cara in the face. Cole says he’s stuck with Miz on commentary. Pick a side already dude. Back to Tensai who gets kicked in the head by Cara and there’s the tag to Rey to face Cody. Things speed up Rey hits a seated senton off the top for two.

Tensai comes back in sans tag for the over the shoulder backbreaker but Rey escapes and knocks him into the 619. A springboard missile dropkick by Cara sends Tensai to the floor as Cody hits a release Gordbuster to Rey for two. A powerbomb is countered into the 619 and Cara hits a Swanton Bomb for the pin on Cody at 7:54.

Rating: C. Not bad here but is Cody ever going to get a win in this feud? My guess would be yes, but it’ll be after about 5 wins by Cara. Cara is a lot better after the layoff he had as he hasn’t had nearly as many botches and looks much smoother out there. Maybe that’s just from experience. Decent match here.

Back to Anger Management with everyone but the wrestlers holding hands in a big chain. Bryan and Kane won’t get up for an exercise at first until being told to do it. The idea here is that Bryan is going to fall back and Kane is going to catch him. Bryan: “He is?” Kane: “I am?” Bryan falls…..and shockingly enough Kane catches him. Now Kane has to catch Harold. Kane lets him fall and Bryan seems to be pleased. Harold needs medical attention. If this leads to an insane guys tag team, this could be hilarious.

Sheamus vs. CM Punk

Punk can’t even main event in his hometown in a champion vs. champion match. Punk comes out in jeans and a t-shirt instead of gear. He says this is nothing short of a Wrestlemania main event and that he’s a main event wrestler. Punk doesn’t like being in the first hour (it’s the second) in a champion vs. champion match and since it’s Labor Day and everyone has taken the night off work, he’s doing the same thing. CM walks out and AJ doesn’t stop him. Sheamus says Punk is disrespecting the people here because they want to see this match.

In the back, AJ says Punk can’t leave but Punk says he’s taking a personal day and hops into a waiting car. Striker pops up and asks AJ what she’s going to do. AJ: “Who are you?” I don’t say this often, but BURN. She’ll find Sheamus an opponent.

Jack Swagger vs. Sheamus

Del Rio is on commentary now. According to Cole, Swagger hasn’t won a match in nearly NINE MONTHS. And he was a champion earlier this year! Last singles win I can find for him that was televised: Elimination Chamber. He was also on the winning team at Wrestlemania and was in a tag match with Ziggler on Smackdown in February where his team won. That’s insane. A quick shoulder block gets two for Sheamus and he goes after the arm. Swagger sends him to the apron but Sheamus comes off the top with the shoulder for two.

The champ ducks his head and Swagger kicks him in the face for two. Miz is ripping into Punk for taking a day off after everyone else is back from an 18 hour flight from Australia. Sheamus takes Swagger down with the ax handles but gets sent into the buckle. Vader Bomb gets two but Swagger charges into a knee and Sheamus puts him in a Texas Cloverleaf (???) for the tap at 2:39. That’s a new one.

Post match Del Rio and Ricardo attack with the latter taking the Brogue Kick. He’s out cold and has to be helped to the back.

Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn

Layla is on commentary to continue the parade of people we’ve had out there tonight. Miz is here for the night apparently. Kaitlyn his a cross body for two as Layla and Miz debate women’s rights. The match turns into a catfight and Eve is torn off so she can smile. Eve puts on a front facelock and we get some great camera shots of her in those shorts. Layla is really getting on my nerves on commentary. Kaitlyn falls down and is holding I think her ribs so the match stops dead. Eve kicks her in the ribs and hits that swinging neckbreaker for the pin at 3:13.

Rating: D. That’s mainly for the commentary. Also, there’s your #1 contender ladies and gentlemen: getting pinned clean in a match to get over a character in a battle for power on another show. For months and months I talked about how the Divas needed more time to make them relevant. I was wrong, as they’re still not relevant.

Eve and Layla shake hands post match.

Swagger is leaving but AJ stops him. He says he’s taking extended time off because he’s better than this. She says he can’t because Jericho and Lesnar and Punk have all left her. Swagger says sorry and leaves.

Kane and Bryan have graduated Anger Management. Bryan says that he’ll give Kane a Summerslam rematch. Kane thanks Daniel and says that someday, he’ll accept the challenge. He’ll do his best not to eviscerate Bryan. Bryan says that’s assuming Kane could do that because Kane will be tapping out. Kane says he’ll make it so that Bryan physically can’t leave this room. Harold: “Guys….” Kane/Bryan: “SHUT UP HAROLD!” Kane and Bryan keep arguing and the teacher snaps on them as Kane grabs Bryan by the throat. Great stuff as usual.

Back in the arena, Cole tells us that we get to pick the fate of Bryan vs. Kane. Should they have a match, be a tag team, or hug it out. Decide on Twitter! This is REALLY getting old but it’s going to go on for years to come isn’t it?

Del Rio comes out of the trainer’s room. He won’t say how Ricardo is doing but Otunga comes out and says his client has no comment at this time.

Jinder Mahal vs. Ryback

We’ve done this. Ryback pinned him clean on Smackdown, so what is the point of this? Ryback has his own shirt now. The idiot fans have to chant Goldberg because they think they’re smart in doing so. Ryback throws him around to start but Mahal gets his feet up in the corner and hits a middle rope shoulder for two. Miz is talking about how he could beat Ryback through psychology, which I’m begging to be the start of a feud. Ryback knocks him down then picks him up into a powerbomb. The clothesline sets up Shell Shock to keep Ryback undefeated at 2:20.

Nothing for Ryback post match because we need to talk about the WWE App for Android!

AJ tells Striker that Cena vs. Del Rio is now falls count anywhere. Why? No reason whatsoever. Well, other than for them to go to the parking lot and Punk can appear out of nowhere and jump Cena.

Here are Kane and Bryan for the results. The poll says hug it out by a landslide. Well of course it does. Bryan says no, the fans say hug it out, this goes on for awhile, Bryan chest bumps Kane, Bryan finally hugs him, Kane won’t hug back and Bryan is mad, the vice versa happens, they FINALLY hug and this keeps going. Now they slap each other on the arm. Now they shove each other.

Now a fight breaks out and Kane kicks Bryan in the face. Bryan low bridges Kane but misses the running knee off the apron. Kane chokeslams him down in the ring and tries to Pillmanize his neck, but referees distract him and Bryan hits Kane with the chair. They spent over ten minutes on this segment. Let that sink in for a minute. Oh and also, this would seem to be a waste of all the buildup these two had in the anger management stuff.

US Title: Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella

Cole does something that gets on my nerves by saying that Antonio will be champion next week in Montreal. Miz thankfully saves him and says Santino could win, but Cole doesn’t like Marella’s chances. If Cole says there’s no chance, why would fans think there’s a chance?

Santino takes him down immediately and loads up the Cobra but loses the sock for some reason. The move hits and has no effect, so Cesaro puts the chinlock on. Cesaro clotheslines him down a few times but Santino gets the sock. He freaks out because he gets it and is clotheslined down again. Neutralizer gets the pin to retain at 2:06. Never let these two fight again. Ever.

Heath Slater vs. Zach Ryder

This is the battle of guys who did well and then were dropped on their heads because the company got bored with them. Ryder hits a quick flapjack for two and Slater hits a neckbreaker for the same. He stops to dance and drops a knee for two again and it’s off to a chinlock for Heath. Ryder stops to dance again and runs into a pair of knees in the corner. A middle rope dropkick sets up the Broski Boot but the Rough Ryder is countered. A facejam sets up the Rough Ryder for the pin at 2:59.

Vickie immediately cuts Ryder’s celebration off to talk about the power struggle with AJ. Are they that strapped for time? Oh wait yeah they are, because they spent SEVEN MINUTES ON A FREAKING HUG! Vickie demands AJ come out and wants a chair to sit in until she does. Post break Vickie explains the feud…..and imitates Clint Eastwood from the Republican National Convention by yelling at an invisible AJ in the chair.

AJ finally comes out and says she’s been talking to the Board of Directors who have said her recent actions are juvenile. Given the way this show has gone, I think she’s safe from criticism. She can’t put her hands on anyone ever again and she has to apologize. AJ says she’s sorry but that’s not good enough for Vickie.

She demands a better apology and the fans chant slap her at AJ. AJ swallows her pride and says she’s sorry. That’s STILL not good enough as they pad this out even further. AJ pulls back to slap her but Vickie blocks it and says that’s not allowed. Vickie slaps AJ and leaves skipping and cackling. Total time on this segment: ten minutes. Oh wait they’re not done as AJ snaps and bangs the chair against the mat before throwing it up the aisle. She’s stronger than she looks. AJ screams a lot and sweet goodness she has pretty teeth. Apparently this is a nervous breakdown.

We recap the show and the card we’ve got for the PPV so far.

John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio

Falls count anywhere for no apparent reason. Otunga Touts that he’s going to press legal action against Sheamus. That would be the second time in this feud that it’s happened. This is joined in progress after the break with Del Rio hitting a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. Off to a chinlock and we get dueling chants. Del Rio goes up but jumps into a dropkick to put both guys down.

Cena starts his finishing sequence but Del Rio grabs the rope to block the AA. They head to the floor with Del Rio sending him into the steps for two. Cena sends him to the steps but Del Rio jumps over them and Cena shoulder blocks him down for two. John loads up the announce table but gets caught by a running enziguri for two. Cena tries another AA but gets posted for his efforts.

Cena gets up again and sends Del Rio into the crowd. John moves the steps to the side of the table and tries an AA through them, but Del Rio escapes into a belly to back suplex for two on the floor. Back in Del Rio gets a mic and says that Cena is beneath him. He puts on the armbreaker but Cena rolls through it and counters into the STF. Del Rio hangs in it for a long time and grabs the mic to hit Cena in the head to escape.

Del Rio misses a charge and crashes to the floor. A suplex onto the ramp gets two for Alberto and they head over to Alberto’s car. Cena grabs a speaker but drops it before he can kill Del Rio with it. They head to the backstage area and Cena launches a trashcan at Del Rio who ducks. Cena hits the AA onto a case but Punk jumps Cena and knocks him out, giving Del Rio the pin 13:20 shown.

Rating: B. Good main event here which felt like something off a bad PPV. I thought Cena had him beaten at least three times before the end, which while predictable needed to happen. The story of Cena not being able to hit the AA worked well and it told a good story for the match. Very solid TV match here.

Post match Punk gives Cena a GTS onto the car and says respect. He gets in the back seat and rides off. The driver rolls the window down and it’s Paul Heyman. Cue the internet explosion.

Overall Rating: D+. I’m not going to call this show a failure, because there were some genuinely good things going on with it. The Kane/Bryan stuff before they were in the arena was good, Orton vs. Ziggler was good, Miz was good on commentary, the Mysterio match wasn’t bad, the main event was good and the Punk/Cena stuff will lead to a good match so that was acceptable as well.

Then we get to the bad stuff. The stuff like Vickie and AJ and the hug are clearly being stretched out to fill time. This is the same show where the tag division can’t get on TV, Sandow can’t get on TV, and a ton of other people can’t get on TV, but we can spend twenty minutes on those two segments? I get that this is the show back from Australia, but they’ve had the same problems since they went to three hours. I get that’s not their move and USA demanded it, but for the love of all things good and holy, use your time better.

Things like the anger management sessions are GREAT, as they’re not only entertaining but they build up a feud and give us CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. Let us see a segment on Del Rio out shopping like DiBiase or Brodus being funky in the real world or ANYTHING for these guys that need development for their characters. Or gee, I don’t know, give someone a mic and say “here, you go say something to hype up your match.”

You know, help create some new stars and characters instead of relying on the same handful of guys with the same stories over and over again. Instead of having the law enforcement thing (twice in the same feud now), battling for power (AJ vs. Vickie, just like Teddy vs. Ace or Ace vs. everyone) or so and so is cashing in his rematch clause and we’re going to have the same match three times in a row despite the same guy winning every time. Why is this such a horrible idea? Ask these wrestlers what ideas they have and see if they work, because the ones we’re getting are already repetitive and are now just getting dumb.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Randy Orton – Rollup

Rey Mysterio/Sin Cara b. Cody Rhodes/Tensai – Swanton Bomb to Rhodes

Sheamus b. Jack Swagger – Texas Cloverleaf

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Swinging Neckbreaker

Ryback b. Jinder Mahal – Shell Shock

Antonio Cesaro b. Santino Marella – Neutralizer

Zach Ryder b. Heath Slater – Rough Ryder

Alberto Del Rio b. John Cena – Pin after an attack from CM Punk

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 20, 2000
Location: Allstate Arena, Chicago, Illinois
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

Something you’ll often hear me criticize is a company giving us a match that was on PPV a few days or weeks earlier away on free TV. This show is the opposite of that case, as we’re less than two weeks from Wrestlemania 2000 and the main event of tonight’s show is going to be the scheduled main event for the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

This was a request from a colleague of mine named Adam King. Check out his site at http://kingsrecaps.wordpress.com/. He has some very good Raw, Smackdown and Nitro reviews that are worth checking out.

We open in the back with Vince and the Stooges. Cole comes up to ask about rumors of a big announcement, but Brisco talks of a tag team elimination tournament tonight. There are going to be tag matches all night with the winners facing off in a battle royal. The winners are #1 contenders. Vince has another major announcement for later though. Since there were WWF guys on Saturday Night Live two days earlier, LIVE from Chicago, it’s Monday Night Raw!

X-Pac/Road Dogg vs. Hardy Boys

I miss the King of Rock theme they used to have. Apparently this is the debut of that song. This is part of the aforementioned elimination series, the first of four matches in the series. Pac and Matt start things off and Matt gets his head kicked off very quickly. Matt comes back with a powerslam and back elbow before the tag is made to Roadie and Jeff. Jeff sends Road Dogg to the floor and hits a modified baseball slide which gets two back in the ring.

Roadie makes a brief comeback but Jeff knocks both members of DX down with ease. It’s back to Matt but he walks into a spinwheel kick from Pac again. Off to Road Dogg again but a DDT lets Matt tag Jeff again. Poetry in Motion hits Road Dogg and Pac is sent to the floor. And here’s Kane who wants to kill X-Pac at the moment. Tori, the chick that left Kane to be with X-Pac, tries to save. In the commotion, it’s Twist/Swanton to Road Dogg for the pin to send the Hardys to the battle royal.

Rating: C. Good choice for an opener here as the Hardys were fast paced and awesome at this point and DX was able to keep up with them. The Kane stuff had been going on for a long time and would finally be blown off at Mania. It’s amazing how much more developed the tag division is at this point than it is in modern times. There are enough teams for an eight team series to face the champions. Think about that.

Tori gets chokeslammed post match.

HHH and Stephanie are here with something to say. Speaking of good music, My Time was another awesome song from this era. HHH demands respect before he’ll get to the point. He says he’ll beat Big Show and Rock at Mania, but tonight Vince says he has a match that will rock the foundation of the company. “If it’s that big, I have to be in it.” HHH was awesome in 2000. He calls Vince out to announce the match but he gets Big Show and Shane instead.

Shane says that the big announcement must be HHH vs. Big Show one on one for the title. HHH says no because he doesn’t have to defend the title until Wrestlemania. The champ says he’d do it but Big Show doesn’t deserve it. This brings out Vince who announces that tonight it’s HHH vs. Big Show vs. Rock for the title, meaning the Wrestlemania main event is happening tonight. Apparently HHH has to say yes so Vince goads him into it, but only if this match never takes place again, meaning no rematch at Wrestlemania. Vince says kiss the title goodbye.

Rock is just getting here.

Godfather vs. Big Boss Man

Good night Godfather is over like free beer in a frat house. Boss Man and Buchanan charge the ring and both guys beat down Godfather. No match.

DX wants to know what in the world HHH is thinking. His response is making Rikishi vs. Kane.

Too Cool vs. Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Another Series match. Too Cool clears the ring before they even take their jackets off. Scotty and Dean get things going and the pace starts very fast. Dean is hip tossed down and Scotty moonwalks into a tag. Dean kicks Grandmaster in the face and it’s off to Saturn who is armdragged down and punched in the face. A splash in the corner misses Saturn and the Radicals take over.

Saturn puts Grandmaster on his shoulder and rams him chest first into the buckle. A superplex is blocked and Grandmaster hits a middle rope dropkick for two. Off to Scotty who is clotheslined down by Saturn and suplexed by Dean. The Radicalz change again without a tag because they’re evil. Saturn goes up but gets knocked down by Scotty and it’s off to Grandmaster again. Everything breaks down and Scotty loads up a double Worm, only for Eddie to break things up. A weak tiger bomb from Dean looks to set up the Cloverleaf but Grandmaster superkicks him for the pin to advance.

Rating: C-. Sorry for all the play by play in this but it was as much of a paint by numbers match as I’ve seen in a very long time. It wasn’t a bad match or anything but it wasn’t interesting for the most part with both teams just doing their thing. That’s the usual problem with tournaments: there’s no story to the individual matches and you get stuff like this a lot of the time: technically fine but not that interesting.

Kane vs. Rikishi

These two will be teaming up against Road Dogg and X-Pac at Mania for reasons that seem to be unclear to everyone. Rikishi has a bad ankle although it’s good enough to hit a Samoan Drop on Kane. Not that it matters as Kane chokeslams him down, only for DX to run in for the DQ.

Rikishi beats up DX almost on his own but the numbers catch up with him.

Benoit doesn’t like Angle and is going to prove his hatred for Kurt by beating up his #1 contender, Chris Jericho.

Rock doesn’t feel anything about the main event. He does however feel that Cole should suck on a monkey’s nipple. “What are you waiting for? Go find a monkey!” Rock says bring it tonight if we’re having the main event for Wrestlemania tonight. He’s always ready no matter when it is so let’s do it.

Angle comes out for commentary.

Chris Benoit vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho runs his mouth before we get going and Benoit jumps him from behind. They fight on the floor and then inside as Kurt says he’ll defend the title in a triple threat. Benoit takes over with a backbreaker for two. Jericho counters a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two of his own followed by a butterfly backbreaker for the same. Benoit suplexes him down again to get the advantage back and a clothesline gets two.

Off to a chinlock which doesn’t last long. Jericho tries to fire off some punches but Benoit knees him in the ribs and drapes him over the top rope. Jericho ducks a clothesline and hits the flying forearm to put Benoit down. Bulldog gets two for Jericho and he dropkicks Benoit to the floor. Benoit gets in a fight with Angle and walks into a dropkick from Jericho. Angle throws Benoit back in and hits him with a belt, allowing Jericho to hit the Lionsault for the pin.

Rating: C+. Not the best match these two have ever had but any combination of these two and Angle is always worth checking out. Their triple threat was a great match and set up a whole summer of these guys fighting each other. The ending helped set up the three way in a few weeks so there was some long term value to this as well. Good stuff.

Post match here’s Bob Backlund for no apparent reason. Jericho beats him up but walks into the Angle Slam.

Backlund and Angle celebrate in the back.

Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman) have an odd moment with Benjamin Franklin. That’s not a metaphor or anything. A guy in a Franklin costume comes up and talks to them.

Holly Cousins vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

I can’t call them Head Cheese in good conscience in a match. Snow and Crash (Hardcore Champion) start in match #3 of the Series. Crash tries to get on Snow’s shoulders but gets caught with some headbutts instead. The Champion (Crash is the only one in the match) catches Al with a rana but Blackman kicks him in the back and comes in. Back to Snow as Lawler tries to explain hip hop music to JR.

Off to Hardcore who slams Snow and everything breaks down. The Hollies seem to screw up a double flapjack and here comes Taz with a referee. He beats Crash into the crowd which is somehow not a DQ and the tag match is now a handicap. Blackman kicks Snow down and we cut to the back to see fans trying to see the Hardcore Title stuff. We cut back to see Blackman holding Holly over his knee as Snow hits a middle rope legdrop for the pin to advance to the battle royal.

Rating: D+. The Hardcore Title constantly made matches a mess and this was no exception. The Hollies were former tag team champions but that was never really talked about for the most part. Head Cheese was a comedy team and it worked for awhile but thankfully they dropped it relatively soon after this. This wasn’t much of a match due to stuff other than the match getting the focus.

Edge/Christian vs. Acolytes

Christian dives on both Acolytes as they come to the ring. He and Bradshaw starts and the Canadian gets his head kicked off to give Bradshaw the advantage. Farrooq comes in with a spinebuster for two and Christian is in trouble. A very weak clothesline puts Christian down again but he comes back with a reverse DDT. Here’s Mideon who wants to be in the Acolytes and it’s off to Edge who takes Farrooq down with a top rope clothesline. Everything breaks down and Mideon hits Bradshaw with a mop by mistake, sending Bradshaw into the Downward Spiral from Edge for the quick pin.

The four teams are the Hardys, Edge/Christian, Too Cool and Snow/Blackman.

Test vs. Val Venis

Trish is with Test and debuted last night, selecting him as her first talent. Val gets an early advantage but walks into a full nelson slam. That doesn’t seem to have much of an effect as he pounds on Test in the corner, only to be whipped into the other corner incredibly hard. The pumphandle slam is countered by Val into what I think was a botched belly to back powerbomb of some kind. Trish gets up on the apron and unbuttons her coat to show Val her abs, allowing Test to roll up Val and use trunks for the pin.

Post match Val beats up Test until Albert makes the save, I guess officially forming T and A. Trish gets a mic and calls her boys off Val and names the team. Test gives her perhaps the most awkward hug ever and that’s it.

Video of Rock hosting SNL this past week. This was a huge deal as the first time had been to promote the original Wrestlemania with Hogan hosting. Rock got to show off some actual talent though, including singing a bit. Big Show, HHH and Foley were there too.

Tag Team Battle Royal

Hardy Boys, Edge/Christian, Al Snow/Steve Blackman, Too Cool

The winners get the Dudleys at the PPV and the champions are at ringside. Everything goes nuts to start with Too Cool having an early advantage. Scotty hits the Worm on Blackman and is thankfully eliminated by Snow, meaning Too Cool is eliminated. Edge dumps Blackman so we’re down to two teams in about a minute. Jeff takes down Edge but Christian takes down Jeff. Matt takes down Edge and Jeff Swantons Christian but Edge spears Jeff. Then the Dudleys get in and hit 3D on Edge and Matt. It’s table time and Jeff is powerbombed through Christian through a table. The match ends with no winner.

WWF World Title: The Rock vs. HHH vs. Big Show

HHH is defending. We start fast with Rock taking Show down for two and a slam gets the same on HHH. Rock knocks HHH to the floor and Vince decks the champ. Rock Bottom gets two on Big Show as HHH saves. He gets sent to the floor again and this time Rock follows to hammer on him. Rock and HHH fight into the crowd and Show eventually follows with right hands to the Brahma Bull.

Back to ringside with HHH being thrown into Big Show. They head back into the ring and Rock is double teamed down into the corner. Show chokes away as HHH directs traffic. HHH drops a knee on Rock’s head (clearly missing by a good four inches) for two. While Big Show is arguing with the referee, Rock fires off some right hands on HHH but the Game punches him down.

Out to the floor again with HHH being sent into the steps but he goes back inside and is immediately stomped down by Show. A low blow keeps Rock down and one from HHH is just cruel punishment. HHH clotheslines Rock down and it’s finally time for the bad guys to get in a fight. You knew it was coming. Big Show beats on HHH but it allows Rock to come back with right hands for the champ and a DDT on Big Show.

A Samoan Drop gets two on HHH and the crowd is getting WAY into this. Chokeslam takes Rock down but HHH makes a last second save. A facebuster puts Show on the floor and HHH follows, only to get chokeslammed on the outside. Rock hits a spinebuster on Show but Shane hits Rock with a chair to break up the Elbow. Vince takes Shane down but HHH hits Vince and takes a chair from him. The chair goes upside Show’s head and the Pedigree retains the title for HHH.

Rating: B-. This was energetic and pretty fun but it’s a very good thing they didn’t go to Wrestlemania with this as the main event. The way they went wasn’t much better, but at the end of the day the only match that would have worked would have been Rock vs. HHH. Still though, for a Raw main event, this was certainly fine.

HHH and Stephanie are leaving and here’s Linda. She announces that the main event of Mania is now a fourway including Mick Foley. One thing I never got: why should Rock and Show be involved still? They lost clean to HHH here as triple threats are no DQ, so why should they get the shot again? Anyway, Foley’s pop is off the charts and he beats up HHH to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Not only did we have a show long competition which would eventually set up a triple threat ladder match, but we literally got the Wrestlemania main event on Raw. What more can you ask for from a free TV show? The return of Foley was HUGE and the whole show came off like it was leading up to the biggest and most important show of the year, which is exactly what they were shooting for. Very good stuff here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

This should be interesting:
– The current “10 Count” with Matt Striker on WWE Classics on Demand ranks the top 10 Superstars to never win a world championship. The list is as follows:

Honorable Mentions: Killer Kowalski, Lance Storm

10. Arn Anderson
9. Chief Jay Strongbow
8. Paul Orndorff
7. Nikita Koloff
6. Junkyard Dog
5. Scott Hall
4. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
3. British Bulldog
2. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
1. “Rowdy” Roddy Roddy Piper

Monday Nitro #86
Date: May 5, 1997
Location: Jenkins Center, Lakeland, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan

It’s another hour long show this week which was a nice change of pace last week. We’re finally getting close to the end of the build to Slamboree which has gone on way too long now. I believe Hogan is back tonight which will help a lot with the levels of interest on these shows. If nothing else the main event is better than Mongo vs. Barbarian. Let’s get to it.

We open with Flair, Piper and Greene at the announce table but there’s a banner that says “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” behind them. They freak out before they say anything and we go to the opening sequence.

Back with the three guys in the ring and there’s another paper drop like last week. Piper goes on a rant about last week and the 75% of the gate demands the NWO made. He doesn’t carry a purse so that’s fine with him. JJ comes out and says the NWO is getting 75% and Piper has to deal with it. Didn’t Piper just say it’s ok with him? JJ leaves and Flair says he’ll be ready in Charlotte. There won’t be a single pothole in the road.

Public Enemy vs. Konnan/Hugh Morrus

Public Enemy’s music started while Flair, Piper and Greene were still in the ring and Flair walked past them as they came out. Are they in a time crunch or something? Both teams bring out tables and it’s a brawl to start. They almost immediately head to the floor and Jimmy Hart is put on the table but Konnan makes a last second save. Public Enemy loads up two tables on top of each other and Grunge dives through both, but Konnan was pulled out before the collision.

After all that, it’s time for an actual match to start. Rocco hits a standing moonsault onto both guys for two but Konnan powerbombs him down. There’s a table set up in the middle of the ring but as Rock goes up to splash Konnan through it, Morrus superplexes him through Konnan through the table. Even though Rock is on top of Konnan, Morrus covers Rock for the pin.

Rating: D. I was tempted to not rate this but it was long enough. I have no idea how this wasn’t a DQ in there somewhere but even though it wasn’t, the match was still a mess with a confusing ending. I guess the idea was to fire up the crowd, or to just copy ECW, but either way it was a big mess and it didn’t make a ton of sense.

Cruiserweight Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Syxx

Hall, Nash and Syxx come out in jeans. Rey is looking around and Syxx gets in a spin kick to start. The Bronco Buster is countered by a kick and the Outsiders come in. Hall gets in a shot to the back and hits the Outsiders Edge. Syxx wins with the Buzz Killer in about a minute. How bad are the referees tonight? Somehow he didn’t notice the two huge men in the ring at the same time?

JJ and Nick Patrick come out to break the hold but the NWO comes out as well. Eric tells JJ to get out of here because JJ has no power. Good grief what is the point in JJ even existing if they’re just going to flat out tell us he has no authority? Syxx yells about McMahon because that’s edgy.

Lee Marshall does his road report.

Here are Hogan and Bischoff with something to say. Hogan runs his mouth about the Wolfpac and calls out Sting but no one answers. That’s all from Hollywood at the moment.

Steven Regal vs. Meng

This is fallout from Regal trying to help Benoit from getting beaten down last week. They go at it immediately and sweet goodness are they going at it. Meng pounds Regal down in the corner but Regal fires right back with punches that stagger the monster back. Not that it matters as here’s Kevin Sullivan, who Regal goes after for the DQ. This lasted about 40 seconds but there was more action in it than most matches you’ll see on Raw in a given week.

Meng puts Regal in the Tongan Death Grip post match. Sullivan gets him to drop it and Regal starts beating on them again. The Death Grip stops him cold. Regal looked awesome here.

Video on DDP vs. Savage.

Here are Page and Kimberly. Kimberly looks great in a white dress, even though she stumbles down the ramp. Page talks about being in a lot of bar fights over the years, but none of them were as bad as the one at Spring Stampede. Kimberly refutes Savage’s statements that she loves him, but here’s Savage in the crowd. He tells Kim to stop calling him and that’s about it.

Alex Wright vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff immediately armdrags him down and struts before we go to some chain wrestling. A swinging neckbreaker puts Wright down and Jeff hits the running hip attack while Wright is in 619 position. Wright comes back with aggression but then stops to dance. Debra’s distraction lets Jarrett chop block Wright and the figure four ends this fast.

Time for NASCAR stuff. There’s an announcement coming in two weeks regarding WCW and NASCAR. Oh joy.

Glacier vs. Lizmark Jr.

Superkick, Lizmark is pinned, 17 seconds.

Post match James Vandenberg (James Mitchell of TNA fame), Mortis and Wrath come out for the big heel beating.

Harlem Heat vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Apparently Luger was injured in Japan by the NWO so it’s Giant on his own. Giant says he has a partner to replace Luger though.

Diamond Dallas Page/The Giant vs. Harlem Heat

Savage pops up as Page comes out but Page steals a crutch from him. Hogan jumps Page from behind with the other crutch and Page is in trouble. The NWO comes out to beat on Page. Where is Giant? Oh he’s in the ring getting ganged up on by the NWO. Flair and Greene come out as well but get beaten down. Piper comes in once everyone else is down and is promptly beaten as well. Hogan runs his mouth to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Nitro is in a bad stage at this point as the shows aren’t really good or bad but rather just kind of there. The star power helped a lot here as this felt like stuff that actually mattered. The problem with that is it’s the same stuff we’ve seen time after time. JJ continues to mean nothing at all which would be the case for a good while to come. The NWO stuff is back to what it used to be, which is to say that it’s repetitive. Nothing of note would really change until August, and even that was just for five days. The show being an hour was a big help here though, as two hours would be too much.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Nitro #85
Date: April 28, 1997
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 9,467
Commentators: Larry Zbyszko, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

This is a special edition of Nitro which only runs for an hour due to the NBA Playoffs airing after the show. That being said, after the debacle of last week’s show, cutting this in half is probably best for everyone involved. We’re still creeping towards Slamboree and the main event that only WCW seems to care about. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from Starrcade 1993 with Flair beating Vader for the title.

Here are Piper and Flair to open things up. They head to the announce table and say they want the NWO tonight.

US Title: Prince Iaukea vs. Dean Malenko

Jarrett says he’ll win the title from Dean at Slamboree. So even he doesn’t think Iaukea has a chance here. Dean immediately takes him to the mat to start and grabs a headlock. They trade armdrags and Iaukea hooks an armbar. Larry points out how stupid it is to try to take Malenko to the mat and he appears to be correct as Dean quickly escapes and elbows Prince in the corner. Iaukea comes back with a superkick for two but Dean powerbomb the tar out of Iaukea for two. A powerslam sets up the Cloverleaf for Malenko to retain. This was basically a squash.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Syxx

Syxx is defending. Juvy speeds things up to start and a headscissors put Syxx on the floor. A spinwheel kick hits Syxx in the throat but Guerrera botches a flip out of the corner. Syxx hits one of the best looking spin kicks I’ve ever seen and Juvy is in trouble. There’s the Bronco Buster and a vertical suplex gets two for the champ.

A top rope double ax gets two for Syxx but as he goes up again, Juvy crotches him. Guerrera slips off the top again before driving Syxx’s head into the mat on a rana attempt. Juvy tries a flip dive attack but kicks Waltman right in the mouth. FREAKING OW MAN! Syxx finally has enough and the Buzzkiller ends this quick.

Rating: C-. Sweet goodness this was a match of two different wrestlers. Syxx looked fine out there but Guerrera looked almost dangerous in the ring, botching nearly everything he tried and probably hurting Syxx on that flip move. It’s so strange to see Syxx wrestling at all and it’s at least giving these other Cruiserweights something to fight for.

Lee Marshall does his thing with the road report.

Here are Syxx and the Outsiders to the announce desk. Hall might debut the name Wolfpac here. They don’t care what the old guys say, but if the old guys want to fight at the PPV, it’ll cost 75% of the gate money.

Chris Benoit vs. Steven Regal

This should be good. They fight over a wristlock to start with Regal doing his usual amazing counter while laying on his back and spinning around using his feet. Off to a test of strength grip with Regal being shoved down, only to nip up and escape. They trade pinfall reversals and for some reason we go to a wide camera shot. Blood maybe? And here’s Sullivan for the DQ. I mean, why would we want to see Benoit and Regal tear the house down when we can get Benoit vs. Sullivan continuing a feud that has been going on since July?

Meng shows up to save Sullivan and puts Benoit in the Tongan Death Grip to take him down.

Savage says he’ll beat up Page.

Amazing French Canadians vs. Lex Luger/The Giant

Luger vs. Oulette to start things off with Lex controlling with basic power, but the Canadians hit a double team hot shot to take over. The Outsiders have accepted Piper and Flair’s challenge for later tonight. Jacques slams Luger down and Lex is in trouble, but not enough to get elbowed off the middle rope by Oulette. Hot tag brings in Giant and it’s a chokeslam for the pin on Jacques as Luger Racks Oulette. Not long enough to rate but more competitive than you would have expected, at least for awhile.

Video on the Bears vs. the Packers to hype up White vs. McMichael.

Steve McMichael vs. Barbarian

Barbarian jumps Mongo as he comes through the ropes and we’re off fast. It’s so fast that Tony ignores the match and reads house show ads. Mongo knocks him into the corner, only to get his head kicked off a second later. Out to the floor and Mongo is sent into the barricade and then into the post. Back inside and a piledriver gets two on McMichael as the announcers argue over whether or not football players make good wrestlers. Barbarian argues with the referee, Debra slides in the case, the referee somehow misses the thud and Mongo wins.

Rating: D+. I can appreciate the idea of giving Mongo what should have been a natural feud with White, but a match like this isn’t making him any better in the ring. This was basically a Barbarian squash until Mongo hit one illegal shot for the pin. It was just over three minutes though, which is about Mongo’s shelf life in a match, which makes it all the more amazing that he and White got fifteen minutes at Slamboree.

Here are Flair and Piper for the fight with the Outsiders. Flair says he knows he can take Syxx because he’s had more title reigns than Syxx has had women. The NWO music hits but it’s an NWO paper drop from the ceiling instead. They say “Tradition Bites! NWO 4 Life!” Nash, Hall and Syxx finally come out and Flair beats them all up in the aisle. Piper lets him fight all three at once until the numbers catch up with Flair. After about a minute of Flair getting beaten up, piper comes in for the save to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. This show wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t that interesting. The fact that this was just an hour helped it a lot as we didn’t have time for nonsense that no one wanted to see and was only there to fill time. The longest match is less than five minutes long, but that’s understandable in this case. The problem with the show though was that the main story isn’t that interesting with the six man at the PPV being worthless and did anyone care about White vs. McMichael?

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews