Monday Night Raw
Date: August 20, 2012
Location: Save Mart Center, Fresno, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

It’s the night after Summerslam and nothing of note has changed. Punk is still champion, Lesnar beat up HHH as we expected him to, and there isn’t much else to talk about. Things will start to die down now as they always do in the fall but hopefully things aren’t all that bad. Let’s get to it.

Here are Heyman and Lesnar to open the show. Heyman brags for Lesnar about making HHH tap last night. Apparently that means that HHH quit on all of the fans because he couldn’t survive Lesnar. It’s HHH’s fault though because he told the referee to not stop the match no matter what happened and that’s what happened. Heyman asks the referee to come down here to be addressed by Brock.

Lesnar gets in the referee’s face and pulls Armstrong to himself, before saying good job. Heyman says Lesnar is the new king of kings. He’s the master of the Brocktogon and the conqueror of the WWE Universe.

Sin Cara/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Prime Time Players/Cody Rhodes

Kofi and Young start us off with Darren being in trouble early. The champs’ team clears the ring and we take a break. Back with Truth coming in to punch Young a bit more. Ax kick hits and Khloe Kardashian is the social media ambassador tonight. Good grief. Off to Cody who comes in with a release gordbuster on Truth to take over. Titus comes in with the neck crank on Truth as things slow down.

O’Neal barks which is called the Q Bark now apparently. He suplexes Young onto Truth for two which is a takeoff on the Hart Foundation’s slam version back in the day. Off to a bodyscissors from Young followed by a chinlock from Titus. Kofi seems to have disappeared. Cara snaps off some ranas to clear the ring and Kofi dives on the Players. I guess he didn’t disappear. Back in the ring Cody goes for the mask but gets rolled up by Cara for the pin at 10:10.

Rating: C-. This was a bit slow but I have no problem with combining a few feuds. That being said, why are the Players facing Kingston and Truth still? They lost twice already, clean both times I believe. Anyway, Cara continues to look good as they keep him in short bursts. A feud for the mask is fine but wasn’t that what his first feud was for? Anyway this was decent.

AJ is in the back when Otunga returns. He offers his services and she gets mad for some reason, giving him a match against a mystery opponent. Otunga leaves and AJ responds to a Tout from Punk earlier, where he said he wanted to name his own number one contender. That’s cool with AJ, but she has final say over it.

Ryback vs. Mike Spitter/Andy Takarez

One step forward, two steps back for Ryback. Ryback hits three powerbombs on let’s say Andy. He shouts for Jinder and loads up the double Shell Shocked when Mahal comes in for the DQ at 1:29.

Ryback puts on the Clutch but gets destroyed anyway. The jobbers get beaten up too.

Dolph comes up to Jericho in the back and Jericho lists off his names. AJ comes in and makes a rematch between the two, with the obvious stipulation of Case vs. job.

Here’s Del Rio to say exactly what you would expect him to say. We get stills of him having the foot on the ropes, he wants a rematch, we’re all going to be bored. Cue AJ who says that’s not her territory but Del Rio can have a match here instead.

Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio

Before the bell and after a break, here’s Sheamus to join the fun. Orton dropkicks Alberto down for two almost immediately and hooks a chinlock. A slingshot suplex puts Del Rio down and there’s the Circle Stomp and kneedrop for two. Del Rio comes back with a knee and a chinlock for the sake of calling some spots. He mocks Orton’s mat smacking and goes up for some reason, only to get superplexed down for two. They slug it out from their knees with the Viper taking over.

After the clotheslines from Orton he loads up the Elevated DDT, only for Del Rio to escape and hit an enziguri. A charge from Del Rio is caught and Orton hooks his backbreaker. After a pair of kicks to the arm it’s apparently time for the armbreaker (he should just call it Destiny) but Orton counters into a neckbreaker for two. The Elevated DDT out of the corner gets no cover as Orton loads up the RKO. Ricardo comes in but Sheamus and a glare from Orton stops him. Del Rio hits a Backstabber for two as Sheamus points out the feet being on the rope to the referee. The distraction lets Orton hit the RKO for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: C. This wasn’t bad and hopefully it sets up a triple threat instead of another one on one match. Orton is in the kind of position where he can be thrown into a match like that and lose without it hurting him at all. He can add a lot to the match though, especially some fresh blood to a boring feud between Sheamus and Del Rio. Decent enough match here.

Punk says there was no controversy to his win last night. He still wants respect.

We get a Tout from Antonio Cesaro and Aksana in the ring after winning the title last night.

Here’s the video on the stuff WWE did in LA this past week.

Damien Sandow vs. Brodus Clay

The intellectual says he’s going to send the Funkasaurus back into extinction. That’s quite the mind. Sandow sends him into the corner but the power game takes over for Brodus. He backdrops Damien and dances a bit. Sandow gets slammed down again and an elbow keeps him down. Daniem tries to go after the knee of Brodus which has been bad for weeks now. That gets him nowhere other than put in the corner where Brodus does Big Show’s gyrating hip attack. A running headbutt to the chest puts Sandow down again but a splash misses in the corner and Sandow rolls him up with tights for the pin at 2:40.

We go to Shawn Michaels in San Antonio. He says he was watching last night and talks about how it may have been the end for HHH. Shawn says you can prepare yourself for the end of your career but when it hits, you can’t be ready for it. HHH left it all in the ring last night and couldn’t get it done, so maybe his career is over. Shawn says that he was another distraction to HHH and if he had been in HHH’s corner, maybe he would have won. HHH is one of the best ever and Shawn we all love him.

David Otunga vs. Big Show

Total dominance by Show who is wrestling more like a face here. He fires off some knees to the head of Otunga and hits the Eye of the Hurricane (I think Show called it the Final Cut back in the day but I’m not sure) before finishing with the WMD at 2:07.

Earlier today Show ranted about the match last night.

Kane/Zach Ryder vs. The Miz/Daniel Bryan

The idea is that the partners have had issues in the past. That’s an understatement. They do acknowledge the issues Kane and Ryder have had which is a big help. Ryder gets in the ring very slowly and doesn’t look happy at all. Bryan starts with Kane but Bryan tags out less than two seconds in. We get a DANIEL BRYAN chant as it’s off to Ryder. There were two tags within the first fifteen seconds.

A middle rope dropkick sends Miz into the corner but Miz kicks Ryder in the face to escape. Bryan comes in and the place ERUPTS. He stomps on Ryder while taunting him about making a tag. Back to Miz who pulls on Ryder’s face and hits a neckbreaker for two. Back to Bryan who fires off some kicks in the corner. Bryan accidentally runs into Miz, allowing Kane to get the tag.

Miz won’t tag in now so it’s Bryan vs. Kane. Daniel’s solution? Slap the monster. Bryan runs into the crowd and Miz leaves too. Kane chokeslams Ryder for old times’ sake and beats up the steps and table. The timekeeper gets thrown around and Ryder gets a tombstone. Does Vince have some kind of fetish for seeing Kane beat him up? We’ll say the match ended at 6:00.

Rating: D+. Not much here but unfortunately it doesn’t set up Miz vs. Ryder for the IC Title which would have been a good short feud for both guys. Kane and Bryan both having anger management issues could be interesting, although I hope it doesn’t wind up being about Charlie Sheen as the dynamic there would be weird.

Cena won’t say Punk is best in the world.

Punk says that he picks John Cena for his #1 contender if Cena will accept a condition. It’s not particularly stated but the condition seems to be that Cena has to respect him.

Divas Battle Royal

This is for the #1 contendership. I think there are seven in this and I’m not going to bother listing them. Aksana and Rosa go out at the same time and we have Eve, Tamina, Alicia, Natalya and Kaitlyn in there still. I didn’t see Beth or Kelly in at all. Kaitlyn is sent to the apron but Tamina drags her back in for no apparent reason.

Eve is down in the corner and talking to a referee about something. Tamina and Natalya double team various people but they don’t eliminate anyone. Alicia dropkicks them to the apron but both get back in. Natalya gets sent to the floor by missing a charge, Tamina superkicks Alicia out and Kaitlyn throws out Tamina. Eve gets up but can’t get Kaitlyn out so Kaitlyn clotheslines her out to win at 4:10.

Rating: D. It was longer than it needed to be, it was boring, and the two most famous Divas weren’t in it. I guess this sets up the match at Night of Champions which is as good a way as anything else to get us to that. Nothing to see here though as the Divas are just worthless other than looking good.

After a recap of the opening segment, we see a Tout from Lesnar saying he’s done with WWE because he’s accomplished everything he wanted to here. Winning one match was his whole list?

Wade Barrett is still coming back.

Daniel Bryan has to go to anger management classes, which gives us a way to talk about the WWE App for Android.

Vickie yells at Dolph about AJ. Dolph says this is about him tonight and not Vickie. Vickie freaks out again and Dolph says he’ll win. He leaves her in the locker room.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Contract vs. MITB Case here. Jericho gets a quick rollup to start and Dolph bails to the floor. Back in and Jericho grabs another rollup for the same result. A missile dropkick puts Ziggler down and Jericho backdrops him out to the floor. The springboard dropkick puts Dolph out there again and we take a break. Back with Ziggler holding a chinlock and doing the handstand. Jericho finally escapes and takes Ziggler down with a shoulder.

A top rope double ax gets two as does what was supposed to be a rana but Jericho’s legs wound up under Ziggler’s legs. That could work as another move in its own right. Ziggler grabs a jumping DDT to put Jericho down and the match slows a bit. Fameasser misses and but Jericho can’t hook the Walls. Small package gets two for Ziggler but the Zig Zag is countered. The Lionsault hits knees and the Zig Zag gets rid of Jericho at 10:30.

Rating: C+. Another good match here from these two, although I’m not sure if last night’s result was the right call now. Wouldn’t it be better to have Jericho lose “the big one” last night and put up his job for a final chance to win? On the other hand, the win last night made Ziggler look like he was in a lot more jeopardy tonight so it’s hard to say. Actually the right call would have been to have these stips last night, but that’s too much foresight so we got this instead, which was still fine. The ending was never in doubt though as we knew Jericho was leaving.

Ziggler celebrates a lot post match but Jericho takes the case from Vickie. He hits Ziggler with it a few times and hits a Codebreaker for good measure. That’s a pretty heelish exit after he lost completely clean.

Here’s Punk to close the show. He goes to Lawler and wants an apology for Lawler saying that Punk turned his back on the WWE Universe. Before he can get that, here’s Cena. Punk is annoyed that Cena came out early because he’s stealing the spotlight again. He’s tired of taking a backseat to Cena and Rock and everyone else. Punk has done it out of respect but he’s never gotten any respect back.

He’s tired of walking through airports and having people saying “what’s up champ, why weren’t you in the main event?” Punk says that he respects Cena and allows him to go on last, drawing a CM Punk chant. Punk talks about beating Cena twice last year for the title and for beating him last night for the title again. Last year he had to hold the company up to get some respect. Cena is the #1 contender now because Punk has to beat him again to get respect.

Punk talks about looking into the crowd and seeing all of the green (Cena’s current colors in case it’s 2017 or something). He wants Cena to say he respects Punk because the people will follow whatever Cena says. The title shot is his if he’ll say Punk is the best in the world. That line gave me flashbacks to Jesus in the wilderness with Satan. Cena talks about how he believes in the people and how he has to believe in himself. Based on that, he can’t say it because he doesn’t believe it. He says he believed in everything he said leading up to the match with Rock and if he gets a rematch he’ll say it again.

Punk has held the title for nine months and all anyone remembers is him blowing a kiss to Vince (which was before this title reign but you get the point). Cena will not say Punk is the best in the world but he’s giving Punk another option: he’s offering Punk vindication. If Punk can beat Cena in Cena’s hometown, that will prove he’s the best in the world. If Punk won’t do it, Cena has no respect for him. With that, Cena leaves Punk in the middle of the ring alone.

Punk immediately turns to Lawler and says he wants an apology right now. He demands an apology because he never turned his back on the WWE Universe as Lawler said he did. Lawler gets in the ring and says it’s a misunderstanding but apologizes. He goes to leave but Punk stops him. If Cena won’t say Punk is the best in the world, the people will believe Lawler, as he’s the minister of propaganda for the WWE. Lawler thinks but he can’t say it. He goes to leave again and Punk kicks him in the head. Punk stares down as the show ends.

Overall Rating: B-. There was something very important tonight that has been missing from Raw lately: there was a clear direction. Tonight we had I believe three potential matches set up for Night of Champions. Everything on the show seemed to have a point and that kept things from dragging. This was a decent show and I liked it more than most of the recent episodes, which is a good sign as we’re in a new period of the year. Cena and Punk are channeling Savage vs. Hogan in 88/89 when the Mega Powers Exploded and that sounds awesome.

Results

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth/Sin Cara b. Prime Time Players/Cody Rhodes – Rollup to Rhodes

Ryback b. Mike Spitter/Andy Takarez via DQ when Jinder Mahal interfered

Randy Orton b. Alberto Del Rio – RKO

Damien Sandow b. Brodus Clay – Rollup with a handful of tights

Big Show b. David Otunga – WMD

Kaitlyn won a battle royal last eliminating Eve

Dolph Ziggler b. Chris Jericho – Zig Zag

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2012
Date: August 19, 2012
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s that time of the year again and I can’t say I particularly care about most of the show. The main events here are HHH vs. Lesnar in a match that has taken WAY too long to get to, Sheamus defending against Del Rio in a match we saw last month with Sheamus winning, and Cena vs. Punk vs. Big Show in a match that Show flat out does not need to be in. I’m not that fired up about this show again but hopefully they pull something off. Let’s get to it.

Pre-Show: US Title: Santino Marella vs. Antonio Cesaro

Antonio is challenging and has beaten Santino twice I believe in the past few weeks. Santino takes him to the mat to start and works over the arm with an armbar. Cesaro misses a charge and it’s Cobra time but Antonio knocks Santino down and kicks the Cobra to the corner. We hit the chinlock for awhile and the idea is now that the Cobra is in the corner and Santino needs to get to it. This isn’t exactly Jake Roberts but they’re trying at least. Cesaro rips the Cobra up and Santino gets all fired up. He fires off his usual stuff but misses the headbutt. The Neutralizer is countered and Santino has another Cobra. He loads it up but Aksana’s distraction allows Cesaro to hit him in the ribs and the Neutralizer gives Cesaro the title at 5:05.

Rating: D+. This was about what it should have been, stupid sock thing aside. There was only so much you could do at this point with Santino as champion so having him lose to Cesaro here was the right move. With all these new stars they’re pushing, they have to actually give a title to someone and Cesaro is as good as anyone else. Decent opener, but it kind of deflates the crowd before a show.

The opening video is about the 25 years of this show (even though there have only been 24 editions of it and WWE still can’t count) and the main events, mainly focusing on Lesnar vs. HHH of course.

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Jericho

Ziggler has pink sunglasses to go with the shirt now. Jericho is injured coming in and word on the street is that this is his last night or next to last night so that’ll likely come into play. The idea is that Jericho can’t win the big one anymore which is an interesting way to go. Ziggler runs to start but the old man chases him down and speeds thing up. Jericho slips on what I think was supposed to be a spinning crossbody coming out of the corner but it only gets two.

Ziggler gets knocked down again but he reverses a suplex and goes for the bad legs. Dolph tries to speed things up but gets backdropped to the floor for his efforts. Jericho loads up the springboard dropkick but Ziggler moves, sending Jericho crashing into the floor. Back in and Ziggler works on the ribs as you would expect him to do. After knocking Jericho down again he uses Jericho’s arrogant cover for two. That’s awesome stuff there.

A corner splash misses and Jericho dropkicks Ziggler to the floor. Back in and Ziggler charges into a boot followed by a double ax from the middle rope from Jericho for two. The Fameasser out of nowhere gets the same for Dolph and Vickie is freaking out. The Walls are countered but Jericho hits an enziguri for two. Jericho doesn’t seem like he’s selling the ribs at all here. The sleeper goes on out of nowhere but the Canadian escapes and puts Ziggler on the top.

In a cool spot, Jericho punches him in the head ten times while standing on the top rope before snapping off a top rope rana for a very delayed two. A jumping DDT out of nowhere gets two for Ziggler and now it’s Jericho in trouble. Jericho bulldogs Ziggler down but the Lionsault hits knees. Zig Zag gets two and the fans are getting into this. Ziggler goes to pick him up but walks into a Codebreaker, sending him to the floor. Vickie grabs Jericho’s foot as he throws Ziggler back in, giving Ziggler a small package for two. There are the Walls and Ziggler taps at 13:08.

Rating: B-. The selling in this was really getting on my nerves as Jericho didn’t seem like he wanted to sell at all. Based on this, I really hope Ziggler doesn’t cash in later to erase this match because it’s happened already. The match got better near the end but it wasn’t a masterpiece or anything. If the rumors of Jericho leaving soon are true, I don’t really get the idea of him beating Ziggler clean at all.

Time for a recap of Lesnar vs. HHH, this time being from Monday with Shawn getting his arm broken.

Heyman and Lesnar are in the back and Heyman says that tonight, it’s a fight to the finish, meaning the referee shouldn’t stop the match for anything. No word on if that’s the official rule or not.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane

This is based off Bryan, Kane and Punk vying for AJ’s affections a few months ago. There was a month or so off in between there so the story didn’t quite follow up that well. Bryan tries to run from the monster to start but after the moonsault out of the corner, Kane slams him down and hits the low dropkick for two. There’s a big Daniel Bryan chant just before he gets his head kicked off for two. Bryan goes after the knee and kicks Kane to the floor where he hits the suicide shove, but Bryan might have hurt his shoulder. It seems to be ok though as Bryan hits a missile dropkick for one as he comes back in.

Kane starts his comeback with some corner clotheslines and a side slam for two before going up. Bryan escapes the chokeslam but gets uppercutted right down. For no apparent reason, Bryan punches Kane in the face and gets beaten down in the corner. It’s almost a DQ but Kane lets off because he’s mellow now. A kick to the arm looks to set up the NO Lock but Kane is too big and fried and freaky. The fans start driving Bryan crazy so his top rope headbutt is caught in the chokeslam for no cover. The tombstone is countered into a small package for the pin at 8:03 despite Kane’s arm clearly being off the mat.

Rating: C-. The match was ok but when you push the idea of this being a big deal of Bryan beating Kane, it might be better if they had had move than FOUR total matches (that’s ever, including a match on Raw like 3 months ago that Bryan won. This could have been the first hour main event on any given Smackdown.

Kane chases Bryan into the back and destroys Josh Matthews for talking to him.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio

Miz is defending because Rey beat him once on Smackdown ten days ago, which is all you need for an IC Title match at Summerslam. Rey is dressed as Batman for some reason. The blowup AWESOME balloons are back on the stage. Mysterio immediately grabs a rollup for two so Miz bails to the floor. AJ has tweeted that she’ll deal with Kane tomorrow night. Rey gets sent to the floor but he rolls through it to land safely. That was kind of cool.

An attempt at the sitout bulldog on the floor is countered by Miz throwing Rey into the barricade. Back in and Rey escapes a belly to back suplex into a cross body for two. Miz hits a kind of Abyss Shock Treatment for two which was a good looking move for him. Off to a cravate from the champion followed by the corner clothesline. Miz loads up his top rope ax handle but Mysterio crotches him to get a breather.

Rey heads up and hits the seated senton, only to get caught in a sitout powerbomb when he tries a rana. Rey kicks him in the head for two before countering a slam into a spinning DDT for the same. Rey ranas him off the top into the 619 but the top rope splash misses. The Finale is countered into a rollup for a very close two. And never mind as the Skull Crushing Finale retains the title for Miz at 9:13.

Rating: C. This was another decent match but it’s nothing that jumps off the page at you. Mysterio didn’t need to win the title here and Miz winning another match over a big name is certainly a good thing, but sweet goodness I did not care at all. The match came and went and most people didn’t care because there was almost no build at all. Nothing to see here although it wasn’t bad.

We’re roughly an hour into this and there’s nothing of note at all so far. It’s been the epitome of a meh show.

Eve and Teddy say nothing of note outside AJ’s office so Punk heads in to see AJ. After some exposition, Punk gets annoyed that AJ won’t respond to anything he says. He says he’ll retain the title tonight and AJ says nothing at all, nor does she move at all.

We recap Sheamus vs. Del Rio. Del Rio injured Sheamus’ arm before their match last month which Sheamus won clean. This month, Del Rio injured Sheamus’ arm before their match and then Sheamus stole his car. There’s nothing to this feud and no one seems interested at all in seeing it.

Smackdown World Title: Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio

Feeling out process to start with both guys going for finishers early on. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, allowing Del Rio to kick Sheamus to the floor. Oh and Sheamus is defending. Del Rio sends him into the steps and it’s back inside for a chinlock. A neckbreaker is countered by Alberto into some kicks to the face for two. We’re only a few minutes into this and it’s already dull.

Del Rio pounds his own chest and shouts BROGUE but charges into a double ax from the champ. A charge into the corner hits post though and Del Rio takes over for all of a second. The shoulder missile from Sheamus is broken up and a Codebreaker to the arm from the top gets two. The armbreaker goes on out of nowhere but Sheamus powers out of it into a kind of powerbomb. White Noise gets two and it’s Brogue Kick time, but Del Rio hides in the corner.

That’s fine for Sheamus as he hits the ten forearms to the chest followed by some punches in the corner. Del Rio drops Sheamus face first into the buckle and the running enziguri gets two. Ricardo comes in for no apparent reason and loses a shoe as Alberto yells at him. Sheamus blasts him with it and hits an Irish Curse for the pin at 11:21 but Alberto had his foot on the ropes. Geez we have to sit through this AGAIN next month?

Rating: D. STOP PUSHING DEL RIO BECAUSE NO ONE FREAKING CARES ABOUT HIM! I like Sheamus but my goodness no one cares about this feud and now it’s going to go on ANOTHER month because WE WILL CARE ABOUT ALBERTO WHETHER WE WANT TO OR NOT. I’m so bored of seeing these two fight when it’ll be another arm injury for Sheamus before Del Rio finally gets the title you know he has to get. The wrestling was fine and the rating is probably low but dang man, give Sheamus ANYONE else to feud with.

Some soldiers are here.

HHH told the referee earlier to only end it on a pin or submission. Let them fight apparently.

We’re looking at Tweets from Shawn throughout the night.

Tag Titles: Prime Time Players vs. Kofi Kingston/R-Truth

The Players are challenging despite losing clean to the champs on TV a few weeks ago. Truth is also injured coming in because that’s a running theme tonight. Truth and Young start things off and I guess Truth is ok after the emphasis they gave to him getting beaten down on Raw. Off to Titus who has a bit better luck, slamming Truth down and putting him in a front facelock. There’s the tag to Kofi and NO ONE reacts when he springboards in to attack O’Neal. Boom Drop hits but Young’s distraction breaks up Trouble in Paradise.

The challengers make Kofi chase them around the ring, which lets Titus clothesline Kofi down to take over. Darren puts on a chinlock followed by a powerslam for two. Titus hooks a quickly broken abdominal stretch but as he tries a spinning Rock Bottom, Kofi counters into a DDT. Off to Young vs. Truth and the fans don’t react again. Everything breaks down and Kofi dives onto Titus on the floor. Young gets two on a rollup on Truth before the Little Jimmy retains the titles at 7:07.

Rating: C. Why? Why in the world would you keep the titles on Kofi and Truth, who haven’t done jack with the belts in months. My only guess is because of AW, because clearly the Prime Time Players, a decent team in their own right, need to be punished for something their manager said. This show is getting worse and worse as it goes on and that’s not good.

We recap the events in LA before the PPV. Basically, BE A STAR!

HHH vs. Lesnar is main eventing. Is anyone really surprised by that?

We recap the triple threat match which is Cena vs. Punk vs. Show. Cena is there because Punk is tired of being overshaddowed by him and Show is there because we can’t just have Cena vs. Punk which is an interesting match and because we potentially need a fall guy for Cena to win the title without beating Punk.

Raw World Title: CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

Cole gives the dreaded stats of Punk’s title reign, which are usually the kiss of death. Punk has pink trunks tonight which is a different look for him. Cole points out that Punk hasn’t main evented a PPV since December. Way to push your champion as a big deal there Cole/Vince. Then again that’s the idea of the angle but it doesn’t help much. Show takes them both down to start with his big man power offense and does the SHH chops.

Punk and Cena team up to beat on Show but he runs them over. Cole calls Punk and Cena an unlikely alliance. You know, because two guys against Big Show NEVER team up on him. The small guys finally put Show down but Punk can’t GTS him. Cena tries an AA but Punk breaks it up. Show takes over again and as you would guess, things slow back down. Cena gets knocked to the floor but Show misses a splash on Punk. The springboard clothesline is caught by Show and a slam gets no cover.

Show loads up the WMD but Cena goes after Show to break it up. Show spears Cena down for two and the small guys are down again. The Vader Bomb aimed at both only hits Cena but Punk saves the pin. Show and Cena go to the floor and the Big Bald catches Punk in mid suicide dive. He throws Punk into the ropes and heads back inside. Cena loads up his finishing sequence on Show to huge boos, only to get taken down by Punk.

Punk drops the elbow on Show for two. A kick to the head puts Show down and Punk throws on a Kofi Clutch but Show powers out again. Cena puts Show in the STF but more power escapes it for Big show. Cena’s middle rope cross body doesn’t work but the springboard clothesline from Punk puts him down. The running knee in the corner staggers Show but the bulldog is countered. Top rope Fameasser puts Show down and it’s a Koji Clutch and the STF at the same time for the tap.

Cue AJ who says restart the match. Show chokeslams both guys and gets two on both. Cena pops up and hits the AA on Show, but Punk throws him to the floor and pins Show to retain at 12:38 total.

Rating: C-. Nothing to see here for the most part, but I’m glad Punk retained….I think. One thing: what in the world was the point in the restart? If you want to go with Punk stealing the pin then that’s fine, but why in the world do the whole AJ thing? Anyway, this probably leads to Cena vs. Punk in Boston at Night of Champions, which is what this show should have been. Still though, the match was just ok at best, just like every other match tonight other than the opener.

Fred Durst, Piers Morgan, Rick Rubin (music producer), David Arquette and Maria Menounos are here.

There was a WWE Film premiere last night. It’s called The Day, which is another in the long line of great titles from WWE Films.

We recap the pre-show match.

Time for the annual Summerslam concert as Kevin Rudolph performs Be A Star. I have never heard so much silence when a musician takes the stage Some Divas come out and dance with him. The announcers dance too. This just came and went.

Time for the BIG recap of Lesnar vs. HHH.

HHH vs. Brock Lesnar

Brock charges to start ala vs. Cena but HHH punches his way out of the arm. Brock gets the arm hold on and even jumps onto a standing HHH with it but HHH punches out of it again. A clothesline puts Lesnar on the floor and a jumping knee puts Lesnar down again. Lesnar gets sent to the floor for the second time and this has been almost all HHH in the first two minutes.

Lesnar gets back in and takes his gloves off. He takes HHH down with ease and blasts him in the back of the head, which is illegal in UFC. Out to the floor and Lesnar hits a hammerlock slam on the table. Back in and another hammerlock slam hurts the arm even more. Lesnar wraps the arm around the ropes as this is basically a regular match so far. The F5 is countered but Lesnar hits a big German suplex to take him down again. HHH grabs a DDT to slow Lesnar down but it’s right back to the arm hold.

That doesn’t last so it’s hammerlock slam #3 followed by HHH being sent into the steps arm first. They head to the announce table and Brock jumps off of it with a forearm to the back of the head/neck. Back in and Brock uses a freaking small package of all things for two. Lesnar clotheslines him down and the match slows down again. The Game grabs a suplex to finally get himself a breather and both guys are down.

The Pedigree is countered and HHH gets to do his fly over the corner bump. Out to the floor again and HHH sends Lesnar into the table to slow him down. Lesnar looks hurt, like legit hurt. It looks like his groin or ribs. Lesnar shouts about his stomach and things slow WAY down. Oh never mind he was apparently playing possum. If so that’s the best selling Brock has ever done.

HHH knees him in the ribs to escape the arm lock and does it again a few times for good measure. Spinebuster puts Lesnar down but the Pedigree is countered into an also countered F5. Pedigree hits on the second attempt but it only gets two. Lesnar hits HHH low but Armstrong (referee) won’t call the DQ as per HHH’s orders.

The F5 hits but only gets two, which only shocks about half the audience. The kimura (arm lock) finally goes on in full but HHH makes the rope….which means nothing here. HHH pounds out of the hold because that’s how tough he is or something. Out of nowhere HHH hits a second Pedigree but Lesnar no sells into the kimura. Lesnar cranks on it and HHH taps at 18:45.

Rating: B. Well, it’s safe to say they’ve lost the point of Lesnar already. This was a standard WWE main event style match with HHH getting in more offense in about 80 seconds than Cena got in through his entire 20+ minute match with Lesnar. Brock trying the arm hold about 10 times before getting it in good doesn’t make him look awesome or anything. It makes him look like someone with one move and no game plan at all aside from that. The match was good but when you go from Cena and Lesnar having a potential match of the year to this, it’s a pretty big letdown.

HHH gets to do the big “I don’t need medical help” stand up and walk out but the fans tell him he tapped out.  They play it up like it’s his last match.  Right.

Overall Rating: D+. This show wasn’t bad. It was the thing that’s far worse than bad: it was dull. The matches were all fine, but at the end of the day, pretty much nothing happened here. The only title change was on the preshow and it looks like we’re gearing up for more Sheamus vs. Del Rio next month, which is boring me to tears. Cena vs. Punk will be awesome but it could have been awesome here. The show wasn’t bad, but it was underwhelming. It’s a weak ending to a pretty good summer for WWE.

Results

Chris Jericho b. Dolph Ziggler – Walls of Jericho

Daniel Bryan b. Kane – Small Package

The Miz b. Rey Mysterio – Skull Crushing Finale

Sheamus b. Alberto Del Rio – Irish Curse

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Prime Time Players – Little Jimmy to Young

CM Punk b. John Cena and Big Show – Pinned Show after an AA from Cena

Brock Lesnar b. HHH – Kimura

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2011
Date: August 14, 2011
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

 

It’s the biggest party of the summer. Wait that was another ad campaign. It’s Summerfest! No wait that’s a Piven botch. It’s Punk vs. Cena II. Well actually more like their 8^th match but the second PPV main event. Seriously that’s the extent of the hype for this show. There’s also Christian vs. Orton V or whatever but that’s really minor by comparison. There’s also a mini concert because those have worked oh so well before right? Let’s get to it.

The guitarist from Tool plays a rock version of the Star Spangled Banner. He’s no Man Mountain Rock.

 

The opening video is about how we’re in LA and LA is awesome. This is like the 4^th year in a row it’s been in LA. Might be three but still that’s a ton. There’s another video about how there’s a domino effect in the Punk vs. Cena war. That Bright Lights Bigger City song is growing on me a bit.

 

Here’s Miz to open the show and he’ll be in a six man tag. He first has something to say. Why am I not surprised? He says he’s returned to Summerslam and wants to thank the fans for insisting he competes tonight. Miz is cut off by Truth who talks about spiders. They start with the letter S, as does Summerslam. Singing also starts with an S and Cee Lo Green is singing tonight. You know what else starts with a C? CONSPIRACY!!! Del Rio cuts him off to save our sanity.

 

The Miz/Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth vs. Kofi Kingston/Rey Mysterio/John Morrison

 

Well they had to fill in the card with something. Del Rio gets a face reaction from the Hispanic heavy crowd. Kofi has white shorts now. Morrison, the hometown boy, gets NOTHING. We get a recap of Rey getting jumped by Miz on Monday. The rest of the feuds I think you know. The bell rings almost 15 minutes into the show. Miz vs. Kofi to start us off. There’s a Miz is Awesome chant.

 

Big monkey flip and a dropkick put Miz down. Off to Morrison and we get double flapjacks/double nipups. Nice fast paced stuff to start so far. Off to Truth vs. Morrison and Truth isn’t afraid anymore. There’s the springboard spin kick (Moonlight Drive I think? It’s the same one Cody uses for the most part) but it only gets two. The heels cheat (EVIL!) and send Morrison to the floor to shift momentum.

 

Off to Miz who hooks a chinlock which eats up some time. Morrison fights out of it with something resembling a Pele kick (ala AJ) and it’s warm tag Kofi. That cross body is SWEET. Miz takes him down and every heel not named Alberto works him over. Time for Kofi to imitate a long haired blonde guy from the 80s who thought he could sing named Morton for a good while.

 

We’re just waiting on the hot tag to Rey at this point. And yep there it is. The seated kick to Truth gets two. 619 is broken up and a second is as well. Rey makes up for that by hitting one to Truth and Miz at the same time. Everything breaks down and the faces all start diving like a broke boxer in Vegas. The ring is cleared and Rey hits the top rope splash on Truth for the pin at 9:30.

 

Rating: B-. Solid opener here which was very fast paced. That’s exactly what the opening match is supposed to be. You had to get a bunch of these guys on the show somehow and this is as good a way as any. I like these random tag matches because you combine feuds and manage to get a fun match too. Not everything needs to have some epic backstory to it to be a good match and this is proof of it. Good stuff.

 

Johnny Ace demands a public apology from Punk for getting kicked in the head. Well Ace is certainly annoying already so he’s doing his job. Punk mockingly apologizes and Ace leaves. Punk turns around and there’s the still hot Stephanie. She says HHH, Cena and Vince have all wished him good luck. He kind of says she’s brainless and she offers him a handshake anyway. “I would but I know where that hand has been.”

 

Recap of Henry vs. Sheamus which is basically about Sheamus being the only guy willing to fight Henry. That’s still a cool moment.

 

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

 

I can’t imagine this going long. Sheamus gets in a few shots early on but then the beating begins. Henry hammers on Sheamus and we head to the floor where Henry gorilla presses Sheamus into the ring through the top and middle ropes. That was kind of awesome. Splash gets two. There’s a backbreaker and now an over the shoulder body vice.

 

The pale one fights out of it and manages to take Henry down for a moment. Emphasis on the moment aspect though as Henry takes him down again. The Vader Bomb misses though and Sheamus starts his comeback. A flying axehandle puts him on the mat and Sheamus starts dropping some knees. He fires off the forearms to the chest when Henry is caught in the ropes.

 

Sheamus hits the ropes and they collide, sending both guys down for a few seconds. The Irishman hits a top rope shoulder block for two. The cord is of course hot here because it’s LA and it’s a wrestling town. Sheamus pounds his chest but the Brogue Kick misses. Henry tries the World’s Strongest Slam but Sheamus counters and the Brogue Kick sends Henry to the floor. He’s out cold and dead weight now. Naturally since Sheamus is a face now he goes after him and is rammed back first into the post and then through the barricade which explodes. It’s a countout win by Henry at 9:20.

 

Rating: C. Well it’s Sheamus vs. Mark Henry. What were you expecting here other than power vs. power? This could probably lead to a gimmick match down the line which I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing. They backed themselves into a corner with the booking here though and it was pretty obvious that they weren’t going to do a clean ending here, which is understandable.

 

Christian is in the back with a big smile on his face. He has an insurance policy and the entire WWE is the beneficiary. Anything goes and we’re in LA, which means the match is going to be like a summer blockbuster like Harry Potter. Well that’s better than a Buff Blockbuster I guess. Oh Christian is Potter while Orton is Cowboys and Alience. I haven’t seen that yet so I can’t make a joke there.

 

Ad for some movie.

 

Time to kill off any momentum we had built up in the first 45 minutes with a performance by Cee Lo Green. Since one song wasn’t enough, here’s another with some dancing Divas. Well we’ve just lost 5 minutes of my life.

 

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

 

Eve and Nattie are here as seconds. Kelly looking good in the tiny white shorts and Beth in the blue skirt thing. Kelly uses speed to take over and does her gymnastics stuff. I can’t complain about an upskirt shot of Beth. Kelly dives off the middle rope to the floor. That looked decent. Beth remembers that she’s Beth Phoenix and she’s fighting Kelly Kelly so she gets a gorilla hot shot for two. Booker and Jerry as for a wardrobe malfunction. Off to a chinlock as Cole says he’s turned off by Kelly over some photoshopping thing.

 

Beth hooks an over the shoulder backbreaker but Kelly escapes into a neckbreaker for two. Kelly gets put in the Tree of Woe but escapes via gymnastics. This is kind of stop and go match. Kelly gets all fired up and slams Beth’s head into the mat a few times to come back. She looks spent though. Handspring elbow is caught into the Glam Slam and Kelly rolls through for the pin at 6:20. Yes, that just happened totally clean.

 

Rating: C+. Given what I was expecting, this was a miracle. It’s nothing great or anything but they tried out there. It’s pretty easily Kelly’s best match ever and that’s not covering a lot but they worked hard and it came off pretty well. I totally don’t get the ending but the plastic chick going over in Hollywood makes sense.

 

Stephanie comes out of Cena’s locker room.

 

Jimmy freaking Hart of all people is with R-Truth and says he needs a manager. Truth realizes something: JIMMY IS LITTLE! HE’S LITTLE JIMMY!!! Truth scares him off and talks about the conspiracy, yelling at Ron Artest and his daughter who are just chilling in the back for no apparent reason.

 

Wade Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan

 

Mat stuff to start with Barrett in control. Booker talks about Bryan having his lunch today. We had breakfast talk on Friday and now this? Jerry calls Barrett a carnivore which is a decent enough line. SICK looking arm hold into a pin attempt by Bryan. Cole is way off tonight, calling Barrett the submission specialist and thinking Bryan was the carnivore Jerry was talking about.

 

Cross body gets two for Bryan. There’s a dragon screw legwhip which has Dusty Rhodes freaking out I’m sure. Running dropkick in the corner gets two and it’s surfboard time. Here come the kicks as Bryan channels his inner Rockette. Barrett gets a shot in and takes over again. This has been a match of varying streaks which is usually a formula for good stuff.

 

Barrett gets a slingshot (thing Blanchard) backbreaker for two and it’s off to a chinlock. The British dude keeps expanding his arsenal with a flying forearm for two. Oh and Bryan has a much shorter haircut now. Barrett gets sent to the floor with a dropkick and a running knee square to the head. That looked SICK. Back inside now and the pumphandle slam is countered into more kicks. Bryan is speeding things up and taking over now.

 

HARD kicks to the chest but Barrett won’t go down. Ok a big one to the head puts him down. I think he kicked the British out of him. Now Barrett takes over again and loads up Wasteland but Bryan elbows out of it and throws on the guillotine. That doesn’t work and it’s off to the LeBell Lock but Barrett makes the rope. I thought that was the end. This is getting some time too. They go up to the corner and Bryan gets crotched. Barrett gets a middle rope lariat to the crotched Bryan and now he loads Wasteland, which is enough for the clean pin at 11:45.

 

Rating: B. Match of the night here by far and it was good stuff. They went back and forth hard here and it let both guys showcase themselves really well. Bryan losing here is ok because he didn’t look bad at all. You can lose and not look bad and this is a great example of that. Good match here and I was way into it near the end.

 

The California National Guard is here.

 

We recap Christian vs. Orton. Basically Christian played up Orton’s anger management and got him to snap long enough to lose the title at Money in the Bank. Tonight it’s no holds barred. And remember Christian has promised a surprise insurance policy.

 

The champ comes out first which is odd. He has a mic and says he’s a man of his words. The insurance policy…..IS EDGE???? His haircut is a little weird but he looks about the same. A bit skinnier though which is expected. If I didn’t have to hit the gym every day I certainly wouldn’t.

 

Edge says that he’ll never be able to wrestle again but he was happy when he left because he was able to pass the torch to Christian. He thought the first defense against Orton was unfair but then Christian started complaining a lot. Christian did win the title back but he did it by disqualification. Edge did a lot of weak things but he did it with style and was never boring.

 

He didn’t hide behind suits and clipboards. No Edge you hid behind Vickie. Somewhere along the lines Christian became a disgrace to himself. Christian knows he’s better than that but now he’s just a whiner. With that, Edge leaves to a nice ovation. And heeeeeeeeere’s Randy!

 

Smackdown World Title: Christian vs. Randy Orton

 

No holds barred remember. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. Opening slugout is won by Orton and he hammers the Canadian down in the corner. Christian gets that reverse guillotine thing of his and a jumping back elbow (love that move) gets two. Back body drop sets up the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for two. They have a ton of time here.

 

The psychology is working here because they’ve had like 5 matches beforehand to get each others’ moves down, meaning the counters make a lot more sense. Elevated DDT is blocked into a backdrop to the floor. Orton loads up the table but the RKO is counter. Christian grabs the belt and heads into the crowd. The GM computer is there but it hasn’t been used in weeks.

 

Orton catches him in the crowd and hammers away. Back to ringside now and Christian finds a kendo stick to pound on Orton. He chokes away and shouts a lot and gets two. Christian charges at him in the corner and gets rolled up into a VERY close two count. Spinebuster gets two for the champion. Orton fires off a dropkick to block a kendo stick shot from the middle rope.

 

Randy is bleeding from the mouth a bit. He starts his finishing sequence and there’s the powerslam. Now he’s got the stick but Christian gets his feet up to break that up. Middle rope dropkick is countered into a jackknife cover for two for Randy. Thesz Press takes Christian down but Christian counters into the Killswitch. That is countered into the backbreaker for two.

 

Orton grabs some tables from under the ring but Christian spears him into the railing. Cole recaps the show in case someone is flipping through the PPV channels and wants to see if they’re watching the right show they bought I suppose. There’s a table set up at ringside and one in the ring not set up. Orton superplexes Christian onto the unset table but might have hut his tailbone. It only gets two anyway.

 

The table is already broken but Orton puts it in the corner anyway. Yes slap a cracked table with some of the legs already broken. Nothing could go wrong with that idea. Christian counters the toss into it and hits the reverse DDT. He loads up the spear but Orton jumps over him. RKO is countered and we go back to the floor. Christian goes into the steps and does a nice flip over them.

 

Now Christian puts Orton’s head into the steps so Randy is going to take a little nap now. Edge’s former brother but now his best friend for life because kayfabe is more powerful than blood drills him with the monitor and I think he says RKO. Christian tries an RKO but Randy has fought the Undertaker a few times so he counters into the RKO of his own and both guys are down.

 

The fans say this is awesome and they’re getting there. Back in the ring and Orton tries another RKO but Christian counters into the Killswitch for a LONG two. The fans thought it was over. The Spanish announcers are trying to get back on the air which is a funny visual. Christian has a chair now and make it a pair of them. It’s Conchairto time but Christian spits on Orton and takes FOREVER, allowing Orton to get up and crack Christian with the chair. The Canadian goes to the apron and a running shot to the head sends Christian through the table.

 

Orton still isn’t done as he throws everything he’s got under the ring. There are steps, kendo sticks, garbage cans and the table that is still up in the corner. Christian is on the steps trying to get a breather. Orton puts his foot on the champ’s head and tries a stomp but Christian moves. Powerslam puts Christian through the very end of the table, meaning the rest of it is still standing.

 

Now it’s stick time and Christian’s back takes a shot. The stick is already bent after two shots. There’s an elevated DDT onto the can. It feels like they’re just killing time for some reason. Orton goes into RKO mode onto the steps but Christian finds a kendo stick from somewhere. He tries to go off the ropes but jumps into an RKO on the steps, giving Orton his 9^th world title at 24:36.

 

Rating: B+. Definitely a good match but they’ve had a better one, probably at Over the Limit. The beating was really good and the ending was SICK. Christian was defeated here and that’s what he needed to have done. They’ll probably have one more blowoff match, hopefully in the Cell which is where this feud could go. After that one though, I don’t know if there’s a point. Still though, very good match that didn’t feel like it was 25 minutes, which is a good thing.

 

Video about Axxeess while they clear out the ring. There’s a lot of anti-bullying stuff there too. There are some uh….celebrities here I guess they’re called.

 

Stephanie is talking to HHH but we can’t hear what’s being said.

 

We recap Punk vs. Cena in the same video we’ve seen three or four times already. I think you get the idea of this already.

 

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk

 

HHH is guest referee and it’s champion vs. champion. This show has been very good so far but if this match is as good as it could be, it hits great. Cult of Personality is a sweet song. We go way old school with a weapons check. Punk is far more popular than Cena. Feeling out process to start. The jean shorts are officially classic. The dueling chants begin and it’s totally domianted by Cena Sucks.

 

The feeling out process continues and John takes Punk to the mat almost in an amateur style. Now the fans think someone can’t wrestle. This has nearly 40 minutes if need be so they can build very slowly. Cena grabs a chinlock but Punk grabs one of his own including a body vice. Booker is complaining about the technical stuff. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two for John.

 

We’re seven minutes into this and there hasn’t been anything big yet. Then again it’s not even 10:30 so it’s not like they have to get going immediately. Punk in control and he drops a headbutt and it’s back to the bodyvice. HHH has been pretty inconsequential so far. Cena tries the STF but Punk kicks him off. The crowd is all over Cena tonight. Dropkick knocks Cena off the apron.

 

Back inside and Punk gets in some kicks to the ribs. There’s an Earthquake for two. Cena fights up but gets caught with a running knee to the head with him against the ropes. He falls onto the mat and fights up into You Can’t See Me. Cena tries the STF but Punk counters into the hold called the Anaconda Vice (Koji Clutch) which is countered into a modified STF. Cole sounds bored out of his mind on the hold.

 

Punk counters into the real Anaconda Vice (called a keylock) but Cena counters into a Crossface (called a front facelock or something) but Punk gets a rope. Suicide dive takes both guys out. HHH starts the count and both guys are down at 9. Thankfully he stops the count and goes to get them, drawing a round of applause. He throws both guys back in and says let’s go.

 

Both guys get up and it’s time for the slugout. Cena grabs an AA attempt but Punk escapes, only to get taken down by a SWEET dropkick. There’s the Shuffle but the AA is countered into a sunset flip which is countered into a jackknife cover which is countered into a backslide which is countered into a bridge and a kick to the head for two. AWESOME sequence!

 

GTS is countered and Cena hits a corner splash. Sitout powerslam gets two as this is getting awesome very quickly. Punk breaks up the top rope Fameasser with a running knee to the head (very popular move anymore) and a bulldog gets two. Punk tries the springboard clothesline but Cena counters into the STF but Punk grabs a rope. The fans are into it but they’re waiting on the HHH stuff I think.

 

AA is countered into the GTS which is countered into the AA for two. Cena complains to HHH but HHH says it was two. Cena goes up and gets HUGE air on the Fameasser but misses, crashing into the mat and possibly hurting his leg. GTS gets two and Punk is stunned. Punk goes up but is very tired. With a point to the air he drops an elbow for two. That made me smile. Punk’s face is great as he’s shocked.

 

There’s a Randy Savage chant which is the right idea. Cena grabs a rollup for two and Cena is all fired up. He punches away but Punk grabs a kick to the ribs and another knee to the head. GTS (hit the arm) gets three but Cena’s foot is on the rope. Chant with me: DUSTY FINISH! The pin went down at 24:30.

 

Rating: A+. It’s not as good as MITB but to call this less than a perfect grade would be unfair. They beat the tar out of each other and had some incredible chemistry as always. These two just have it and there’s no way to teach that. It worked perfectly and the whole thing was great. Cena was all over the place here, trying to prove how well he could work and that’s what he did here. Great match but great in a different way than last month, which is a good thing.

 

Punk is all happy post match but won’t shake HHH’s hand. HHH holds the arm up and leaves. Of all people KEVIN NASH is in the ring and beats up Punk, leaving him laying with a Jackknife. IT’S ALBERTO!!!

 

Raw World Title: Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk

 

Running enziguri and Del Rio is champion!!!!!!! He celebrates and we’re done. WOW.

 

Overall Rating: A+. I liked it better than MITB I think and that’s saying a whole lot. There isn’t a single bad match on the whole card as even the Divas were impressive. Great show here with a great pair of main events to end it. This has been an AWESOME summer and a lot of it has been spearheaded by Punk and hopefully it’s not going to end. The ending is great as we have questions, a great match and a new champion. Definitely worth seeing and it’s great for different reasons than MITB, which is a great sign. Great show and the best two show streak for WWE in years.

 

Results

Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston b. Alberto Del Rio/R-Truth/The Miz – Top Rope Splash to R-Truth

Mark Henry b. Sheamus via countout

Kelly Kelly b. Beth Phoenix – Victory Roll

Wade Barrett b. Daniel Bryan – Wasteland

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO onto the steps

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Alberto Del Rio b. CM Punk – Running enziguri

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

It’s Summerslam time and honestly I barely care after this lackluster build.  Let’s get to it.We’ll start with the matches of course.

For the preshow I’ll take Santino to retain in some wacky manner.  It should go to Cesaro to just give him something to do but they’re pushing Cesaro too hard to have him win here.

 

On to the main card, I’ll go with Bryan over Kane.  Bryan hasn’t won a singles match in months but yet he doesn’t need to win at all.  I’ll go with him because there is no reason to have Kane win at all here.

 

Ziggler over Jericho due to the word on the street being that Jericho is done after Sunday.

 

Miz to retain I guess but honestly does anyone care at all here?

 

Hopefully the Prime Time PLayers take the tag belts as Kofi and Truth are some of the lamest champions I can remember in a long time, which is saying something for the freaking tag team titles.

 

Sheamus over Del Rio with a possible cash in for Ziggler.  I really hope they don’t put it on Del Rio and then have Ziggy cash in.  That move drives me crazy.

 

For the main events, I’m hoping for Punk to retain but Big Show being in there would point to Cena walking out with the title.

 

For the real main event that hopefully won’t go on last, it has to be Lesnar.  I mean…..it HAS TO BE Lesnar……right?

 

Overall, this is one of the weakest looking Summerslams I can remember in a very long time.  The world title match is dragged down by a combination of Big Show and Punk seeming to have no idea if he’s a face or a heel.  At the end of the day, Rock continues to loom over this company but at least now there’s an open spot to face him at the Rumble.  Other than that, we have Lesnar vs. HHH in a feud that has almost no heat on it because it was started and then not mentioned again for three months before Shawn turned into a scared coward and Lesnar turned into every other cowardly heel that runs from a fight on the roster despite running over JOHN FREAKING CENA like he wasn’t there.  But hey, it makes HHH look more feared and if anyone needs the extra boost, it’s HHH.

 

Thoughts/predictions?

TNA Weekly PPV #4
Date: July 10, 2002
Location: Nashville Municipal Auditorium, Nashville, Tennessee
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West, Ed Ferrara

For the first time in a few weeks, we don’t have a new title to be decided. We do however have a six way X-Division elimination match as well as a racecar driver vs. K-Krush. The first three shows have been pretty good so far but they need to fill in the middle of their cards better than they have been. Let’s get to it.

While we may not have new champions to decide, we do have two title matches tonight. Hey look, here’s one of them now.

Tag Titles: AJ Styles/Jerry Lynn vs. Slash/Tempest

Tempest is more famous as Devon Storm, who is more famous as Crowbar in WCW. We get a clip from last week with AMW being attacked and taking them out of the tag title tournament. AJ and Lynn teamed up and beat the Rainbow Express for the titles. Slash and Tempest are here because TNA was actually trying to set up a real division instead of having like three teams.

Lynn and Slash get things going. Slash is a power guy so Lynn speeds things up and takes him to the mat with a headlock takeover for two. A rana is countered into a powerbomb which is countered into an X-Factor for another two. AJ comes in and you know things are going to speed up even more. Off to Tempest who takes AJ down by the arm but AJ drop toeholds him to the floor.

Back in and Tempest chops away, followed by a top rope flipping headscissors to take Styles down. AJ tries the move that we would later call the Styles Clash but gets backdropped to the apron instead. Everything breaks down and the Disciples (of the New Church) are sent into each other and out to the floor. AJ dives onto both of them but gets caught, so Lynn dives on all three to knock them down.

Styles gets sent into the apron so Jerry takes over with a slingshot Fameasser, followed by a springboard moonsault from AJ for two on Tempest. Slash takes Lynn down and Tempest hits a Death Valley Driver for two on AJ and a jumping back elbow to set up a chinlock. The Disciples hit a double sitout chokeslam for two as Styles is in the process of getting killed again. Slash hits what we would call the Eye of the Storm for no cover before missing a dropkick.

A discus lariat puts Slash down again and there’s the hot tag to Lynn. There’s a tornado DDT to Slash but Tempest superkicks him down. Tempest’s top rope rana is countered and Lynn hits a middle rope cross body for two. The Cradle Piledriver kills Tempest dead but AJ tags himself in and hits the Spiral Tap for the pin to retain.

Rating: B-. Pretty good opener here as the new champions get a good win to establish themselves as the best. The idea of them fighting over who the best guy on the team is makes for a good story, especially when Styles is X-Division Champion on top of being a tag champion. Good opener here as things are off to a good start tonight.

The win gets pyro for some reason.

We recap the tag match that ended last week’s show with Christopher turning on Hall, giving Krush and Jarrett the win.

Hall calls into the show and says he’s coming for all three of them.

Here’s Christopher to talk about why he turned on Hall last week. He talks about transitioning from being a child to being an adult. Christopher says he’s always been identified as Jerry Lawler’s son (Tenay: “That’s because you are.”). He’s tired of being overshaddowed by his father and he’s going to prove he belongs in this business. He says screw Jerry Lawler because he was never there to be a father to Christopher. Tonight, everything starts to change. He goes on another rant against Lawler for always kissing up to Vince and tonight, it’s all about him, which is why his name is now Brian Lawler.

Brian Lawler vs. Norman Smiley

MAGIC IS BACK!!! Lawler pounds him in the corner and Smiley is in trouble early. A neckbreaker puts Smiley down but Norman comes back with a slam. West is his usual completely over excited self on commentary here, shouting about how Norman needs to DO IT FOR JERRY. Lawler gets spanked a bit but we don’t get the Big Wiggle.

Lawler rams Norman’s head into the mat to stop the comeback and things slow WAY down. Well he is from Memphis so you have to expect a lot of slow paced offense. A charge into the corner hits post though and Smiley fires off some right hands. Norman pounds away in the corner but a low blow puts him down. The Hip Hop Drop (minus the goggles) gets the pin for Lawler.

Rating: D. At the end of the day, it’s Grandmaster Sexay as a big time heel in this company. You can only take that so seriously and I don’t think it worked all that well. The match with Hall is next week so hopefully he gets put down where he belongs. Nothing to see here as it was a Memphis style squash, meaning they stretched a two minute match into over five.

Jarrett doesn’t like that he doesn’t have a world title match tonight. Bill Behrens tells him to chill so Jarrett shoves him, earning a suspension. Jarrett leaves and we hear someone in a locker room that might be James Mitchell yelling at someone else, saying this will never happen again.

K-Krush vs. Hermie Sadler

Time for racecar drivers in the ring. We recap the stuff that set this up which saw two racecar drivers beating Krush (R-Truth) up. Hermie jumps him to start and knocks Krush to the floor and pounds away. Krush chokes him back to the post but misses Hermie’s head with a punch and hits the post instead. Back inside and the ax kick puts Sadler down for two. A powerslam kills Sadler again but he kicks out again. Now it’s a figure four on Sadler but he rolls over to escape it. Krush misses a dropkick but rolls Sadler up for the pin with his feet on the ropes.

Rating: D-. I’m going to keep this short: stop putting racecar drivers in wrestling matches. No one cares, it doesn’t get people interested, and they rarely can do anything in the ring. That’s it.

Krush hits Sadler post match and that’s a DQ so Sadler wins. Sure why not.

Omori, the challenger for Shamrock tonight, is getting ready. Alicia comes up to him and money is exchanged.

Hot Shots vs. Briscoe Brothers

Yep, the ROH Briscoe Brothers who are barely 18 here. The Hot Shots are Cassidy Riley and Chase Stevens. It’s interesting to see the Briscoes basically being jobbers coming into this. I can never remember which Briscoe is which so we’ll say that’s Mark in the ring with Riley. Off to Jay (I was right) who chases Riley around, only to get caught by Mark off a blind tag. The Hot Shots LAUNCH Mark over the top onto Jay followed by a pair of big dives to take the Briscoes out again. Everything breaks down and the Disciples of the New Church come in to clean house for a double DQ.

Malice kills all four of them with chokeslams and Mitchell gets in the ring with the Disciples. He says they want Malice to get a title match against Shamrock or people are going to get hurt. The timekeeper gets brought into the ring but Shamrock comes in before death can occur. The Disciples jump him and beat him down but Omori, the opponent for later, runs in for the save.

The Dupps are ready for the Flying Elvises tonight.

Instead of the tag match we had scheduled, here’s Jasmine St. Clair, an adult star who showed up in ECW in its final year. She talks about how she wants to see some T & A and offers to give JB a lap dance. While dancing she takes off her thong and Bill Behrens comes out to stop it. In a funny bit, Ed Ferrara runs into the ring and spears Behrens down. Behrens eventually covers Jasmine up and drags her away.

The Dupps vs. The Flying Elvises

The Dupps are country boys named Bo and Stan (Trevor Murdoch) and the Flying Elvises are Sonny Siaki and Jorge Estrada, both of whom you don’t really need to know. Brawl to start and the Dupps sloppily clean house to control early. Mortimer Plumtree comes out for commentary for no apparent reason. Siaki and Stan start things off with Stan in full control. Off to Bo with a shoulder and legdrop for two. Siaki tries to speed things up but gets caught in an Alabama Slam out of the corner.

Mortimer is trying to come up with suspects for the attack on AMW last week which is the most interesting part of the match. Some Elvis cheating gives them control and it’s off to Estrada. After getting in a bit of trouble, Estrada comes back with a split legged moonsault for no cover. Off to Stan who cleans house and kills Estrada with a full nelson slam. Apparently that’s not worthy of selling because Estrada hits a pumphandle throw and a twisting springboard swanton for the pin on Stan.

Rating: D. There was nothing to see here at all. I have no idea who I was supposed to cheer for here and neither team gave me a reason to care about either one of them. This is the kind of filler match that I was talking about in the intro: it’s not horrible or anything, but there’s nothing interesting at all here and I don’t think anyone cared about any of these guys at all.

Lynn and Styles are fighting in catering with Lynn getting the better of it and hitting a good piledriver on an anvil case.

NWA World Title: Takao Omori vs. Ken Shamrock

Harley Race is here for no apparent reason other than he’s Harley Race. Well that’s a good enough reason for me. Shamrock doesn’t have the belt with him for some reason. He quickly takes Omori down and puts on a headscissors. Omori comes back with a spinwheel kick as Tenay talks about how awesome the NWA is. Off to a quick chinlock but Omori misses a spinwheel kick in the corner.

Shamrock goes after the knee like a good submission specialist but then shifts to a simple punch to the jaw. The problem here is already clear: there’s no story to this match and it’s just there because we need a challenger from outside the company. Omori grabs a full nelson slam but his Bombs Away knee drop off the top misses. The crowd is about as interested as I am here, which is why you can hear the guys in the match talking.

A big clothesline which is apparently another of Omori’s finishers gets two and Tenay is the only person fired up about the kickout. Shamrock comes back with a dropkick of all things followed by a leg bar. Well, the wrestling version of one at least. A piledriver from Omori is broken up by a shot to the apparently injured knee of Omori. That’s a pretty quick injury but it’s due to a submission guy so it makes sense at least. Shamrock puts on the ankle lock but Jarrett runs in for the DQ with a chair shot.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much. I’ve said this before: you have to give fans a reason to care about these matches. Who is Omori? What has he accomplished in wrestling to give him a world title match? We’ve never seen him before on this show (and we won’t ever again) and the announcers only mentioned one match he had, which was a seven second win. Well that’s cool, but it doesn’t really make me believe this guy is a world title contender. On top of that, Shamrock was basically just a name at this point and didn’t have anywhere near the skill in the ring that he used to have.

Jarrett beats up both guys with the chair until Harley Race comes in for the save. Jarrett hits him with the chair too and security gets a few shots to their heads too.

Lynn doesn’t have much to say. He leaves so Mitchell and the Disciples show up. They’re looking for Jeff Jarrett because of a sin Mitchell can’t forgive. They leave too and we hear what sounds like screaming or moaning. It’s Bill Behrens bound and gagged on the floor. Ok then.

Low Ki vs. Elix Skipper vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Kid Romeo vs. Tony Mamaluke vs. Christopher Daniels

This is a six man elimination match to determine the X-Division rankings. The winner is the #1 contender. This is Daniels’ debut. There are only two in the ring at a time which is probably a good thing for this match. Daniels vs. Romeo to get things going and they trade wristlocks. Both guys avoid various moves before Daniels hits a Japanese armdrag but walks into a dropkick. The winner gets their title match next week apparently.

Skipper comes in and moonsaults over Daniels before superkicking him down for two. Daniels takes him into the corner but Mamaluke tags Daniels to bring himself in. Wouldn’t you want to stay on the apron for the most part of this match? Ferrara points out how much bigger Mamaluke looks which is indeed a striking difference to how he looked in ECW. He goes for the knee but gets clotheslined down by Elix.

Skipper tags in Lynn but it’s quickly off to Low Ki for some hard kicks to Mamaluke. Mamaluke comes back with a hard belly to back suplex for two. Mamaluke grabs some kind of a neck hold on Low Ki but it doesn’t last long. Tony punches Romeo in the corner for no apparent reason before tagging in Daniels, who hits a side slam on Low Ki for two. Romeo comes in and gets kicked before Daniels tags in Lynn. Lynn rolls through a Gory Special into a sunset flip for two. We need to get some people out of here so that it’s easier to tell who is who.

A tornado DDT gets two on Romeo and it’s off to Daniels who misses a top rope splash to Romeo. Lynn vs. Daniels now and Lynn is sent to the floor. Daniels hits a split legged moonsault out to the floor onto Lynn and it’s time for everyone to dive on a bigger pile with each dive. Back in and Lynn hits a guillotine Fameasser onto Daniels while Daniels is in the ropes. Things finally calm down again and it’s Mamaluke vs. Daniels in the ring. Mamaluke rolls some suplexes before hitting a Russian leg sweep for two. Apparently Lynn was on the floor too long and has been eliminated despite not being in the ring He’s ranked sixth.

Skipper hits the Overdrive (MVP’s old Play of the Day) to eliminate Mamaluke and it’s off to Low Ki vs. Skipper. Low Ki sends him into the ropes and Skipper falls through them to the floor. Back in and Low Ki escapes the Overdrive and puts Skipper into a fireman’s carry before ramming Skipper’s back into the buckle. Skipper uses the Matrix to avoid a kick and suplexes Low Ki down for no cover. Instead it’s a missile dropkick to Low Ki which sends him into the corner to tag in Daniels.

Elix almost immediately hits a reverse suplex on Daniels for two but Daniels clotheslines him down. They trade standing switches and Daniels hits the Last Rites (Cross Rhodes) to eliminate Skipper. We’re down to Romeo, Daniels and Low Ki. Romeo comes in and pounds on Daniels before hitting a Rey Mysterio sitout bulldog for two. Low Ki gets knocked to the floor but isn’t counted for no apparent reason. Romeo goes up but Daniels crotches him. They fight on the top and Romeo hits an AWESOME version of what we would call White Noise off the top to get us down to two.

So we’re down to Romeo vs. Low Ki. Wait scratch that as Daniels’ foot was on the ropes. This is one of the things that ECW and TNA has always done that gets on my nerves: you get a HUGE move like that and it only gets two. Low Ki kicks Romeo’s head off and puts on a Dragon Clutch for the tap to get us down to one on one for real now.

They chop it out and Daniels grabs a Downward Spiral to take Low Ki down. A back heel trip puts him down again but Low Ki manages to crotch Daniels on top. Daniels knocks Low Ki off the top and this the BME for a delayed two. They trade rollups for a lot of near falls and for some reason the fans start booing this out of the building. I must have missed something there because that was the most exciting part of the match. Daniels escapes the Dragon Clutch and puts Low Ki on top before slamming him down for two. Last Rites are countered into a sitout fisherman’s buster by Low Ki for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B-. This is the kind of match that is long rather than quite good. It didn’t really pick up until the very end even then it wasn’t anything great. Having this be elimination was way better than having it be one fall to a finish because those matches are never anything but spot fests. This wasn’t bad but it wasn’t as great as the announcers were hyping it up to be.

The Flying Elvises come out and beat Daniels and Low Ki down before the four other X guys from the main event make the save. The fans chant for Low Ki.

Here’s Jarrett with less than two minutes to go. He wants a title shot next week. Jarrett yells at some Tennessee Titans who jump the railing and beat Jarrett up. The Disciples come out as well and beat up Jarrett to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This was ok but they still have a lot of tweaking to do. A lot of the names are there because they’re just that: names. I can certainly forgive them for a lot of stuff here because it’s just their fourth show and they have some stories going on, but they need to fix some of the problems they’ve got here, namely adding some better talent to the midcard. Like I said though, it’s four weeks in so I can’t be too critical yet. Decent show but no great match this week.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2010
Date: August 15, 2010
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Matt Striker, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well we’re back again for the *insert Summerfest joke here* show. This is the epitome of a one match show as EVERYTHING has been about the Nexus invasion. The theory is that Cena turns tonight but I’m not sold on it. Nexus more or less has to win tonight or the angle is worthless. I’m not sold on this card very well at all, but it’s starting now so let’s get to it.

The opening is of course all about Nexus, which makes sense. The arena and set look great as this really is a huge show.

Intercontinental Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

Pretty clear that Dolph retains here. Vickie does her usual whining and catchphrase here just to be annoying. Nice pop for Kofi but nothing great. We’re in MALTA BABY! Kofi misses a dive to start and is in trouble early on. Apparently the tag titles either aren’t major titles or his win is forgotten into the Rocker Tag Title Book of History. King makes a joke about liking 11s or 12s. On a 1-10 scale you freaking perverts.

Dolph is mostly dominant here as he hooks a chinlock. Kofi can’t get the “controlled frenzy” going according to Cole. Does everything have to have a name now? Dolph gets two on a roll thru of a cross body. We get a Fameasser reference from Striker as it makes Kofi famous. Even Lawler chuckles at it. He’s more energetic tonight for some reason. Trouble in Paradise misses, which might be because OF THE MASSIVE CHANTING OF BOOM BOOM BOOM by Kofi.

Sleeper goes on….AND HERE THEY COME? Yes, Nexus hits the ring and beats them up before circling Kofi. The big beatdown follows as I have a bad feeling about where this show is going. Barrett says this is a preview of later tonight. Expect a Kofi run-in later. Nexus is united apparently.

Rating: C+. Not a bad match for what they had, but the ending is very strange. This wasn’t bad, but with no ending like this it really hurt things. I really do expect the Cena turn now for some reason, which is why it likely won’t happen. Anyway, this needed a finish to be good but even still it’s decent.

Jericho wants Miz on the team tonight and so does Edge. Edge eating a Slim Jim is epic for no reason at all. They say he could be a huge star but doesn’t say yes.

Alicia Fox vs. Melina

Well at least this should be short. Melina has a freaking headdress on and she looks like a freaking idiot. Fox is attractive with straight hair. Shame that’s not the case here. Melina is in the skin colored tights which are always weird looking. Melina is the hometown girl so she’s all awesome and such apparently. Yep this is boring. It’s not bad, but seriously does ANYONE care about this match?

Still waiting on something to happen here. Melina might have hurt her knee on a move from the ropes. Alicia of course does nothing about it. Nice superkick by Melina. This is just boring me to death but Melina’s gyrations are helping a bit. That girl could make a KILLING as a stripper. After FAR too long, Melina wins with more or less a weird snapmare. Apparently it’s called the Mind Trip. Ok then.

After the win, cue Laycool to annoy Melina. They say this is awesome and want to take a picture with “two champions” in it so hopefully this will lead to a unification thing soon. Brawl ensues and the worst kick every by Michelle misses by at least 8 inches. Laycool’s music continues to be awesome. Michelle does a knee into the tables to put down Melina for a good while.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. The ending came out of nowhere but thankfully it ended a bad match. I’m very glad to see that there might be a unification soon, but will anyone care even after that? It’s definitely the right move but with people like Fox chasing it then the whole thing is in trouble. Not a good match.

After a quick recap of the SES vs. Show, we go to this.

Straightedge Society vs. Big Show

How appropriate to have this after that video package. It’s Mercury, Punk and Gallows. Show dominates Mercury and Gallows in about a minute to get us to Punk, who gets face cheers. Oh and Show’s hand is fine. Gallows and Mercury get back up and the 3-1 beatdown begins.

Show comes back of course as it occurs to me that Punk has the most hair of anyone out there. Punk goes for the springboard clothesline and gets caught by the throat. He kicks Show in the head which was cool looking. Cole calls a bulldog a DDT because he’s a stupid man. Punk does a bunch of strikes to the hand and it just ticks Show off. Punk gets knocked to the floor and leaves. Mercury gets chokeslammed and pinned while on top of Gallows. Here lies the SES.

Rating: D+. Pretty weak here as more or less we knew it was just going to be Show winning in the end due to his huge size advantage. This was an ok match and the ending advances the story, but dang man why do they have to crush the SES again? For once could they actually let something go on for more than a month without crippling it?

Kane talks to the casket and Sheamus of all people comes up, saying he’d like to borrow the casket to put Orton in. Kane says no. Sheamus says stay out of his way and Kane yells at him. Odd moment but cool potential.

And here’s Miz. The Raw title match is next so he has a reason to be here. He wants to know if he should be on the team. The fans cheer but he doesn’t care what they think. Allegedly Hart and Cena begged for him to be on the team. He talks about every person on the team and how they’ve all done things to get him on the team. Awesome promo but he wants the fans to admit it. After a HUGE delay, he says yes he’ll be on the team. Cole orgasms loudly.

We recap Orton vs. Sheamus, which isn’t much at all. Orton won a match and now he’s the number one contender. The hype for this has more or less not existed.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

Orton is in purple and Sheamus is in green, making this just freaking weird looking. Sheamus powers him back to start which is odd since he’s kind of quietly powerful. Slow start here which should be a good sign but I’m not sure here. They tease a countout and Orton is dominating which is a weird formula for a match.

This is just boring really as they’re going WAY too slow. Orton’s arm gets worked on and the elevated DDT is reversed into a backdrop. Sheamus is in control and not much is going on. He hits basic moves and covers. This is apparently the main event and it started about 5 minutes after 9. He gets technical with a drop toehold to put Orton down.

Sheamus likes to use a double axehandle which is kind of a cool move for him to use. More people should use it. When I say more I mean like one total. Sheamus at least works on the arm which is the right idea if nothing else. Orton gets the backbreaker as this is just DRAGGING. The boo/yay cheers start up for punching. Orton does his usual array of clotheslines as I fight off sleep due to this.

Middle rope suplex gets two for the guy with non-mayonnaise colored skin. Sheamus hits his backbreaker for two which of course Cole is surprised by when the kickout happens. Brogue Kick misses though and Sheamus hits the floor. There’s the DDT but the RKO is countered which surprised me. He shoved him off and it legit looks like he hit it from both angles. Clearly countered though which was cool.

High Cross and RKO are both countered but Orton walks into the Brogue Kick for two as the fans are into this now. That’s the issue with WWE Title matches: you don’t have to get into them for a long time and everyone knows it so for the first ten minutes no one cares. Sheamus gets a chair and shoves the referee out for the CHEAP DQ.

Rating: D+. Oh this was bad. The ending crippled the actually solid last 5 minutes or so as the rest of this was just flat out boring. The slow style of both guys crippled each other and the ending had me shaking my head at how freaking dumb it was. I don’t get this at all as if nothing else have Sheamus get the chair shot and win that way but man, this was freaking stupid.

Post match Orton snaps and hits the RKO on the table. Good for him. Table didn’t break so at least it looked good. Sheamus is announced as still champion which should make us wait for either HHH or Miz’s theme music. Naturally we get the Legendary trailer.

We recap the way overdone Rey vs. Kane issue, which comes down to one thing: how would Rey know who did it? This took almost five minutes.

Smackdown World Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Kane

Kane brings the casket with him. Striker even throws out a quick summary of the Taker/Kane childhood which you NEVER hear anymore. Kane goes right for him and gets kicked in the knee. They talk about the keys to victory and King says that Rey’s potential innocence should help him win. Uh, what? Striker thinks this is speed vs. power. You can’t buy commentary like this people!

Kane takes over and we slow it down again. He gets a baseball slide which is cool looking. Can you imagine Kane playing baseball? That’s just funny for some reason. 619 is blocked and Kane takes his head off with a clothesline. We’re clearly just filling in time until the finish. It’s been mostly Kane here and as soon as I say that Kane goes into the post. Rey hits a flying battering ram move but Kane takes over AGAIN with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, a cool move.

Cole likes to talk about people being in the box. Kane wants the referee to ASK HIM. He’s been chilling with Jericho I guess. Top rope rana is blocked and Rey’s knee might be hurt. Wait wasn’t his ankle hurt on Smackdown? Springboard Splash misses so Rey just kicks Kane in the head. Well that works if nothing else. After more uneventful stuff, the 619 is blocked and Rey gets thrown into the casket.

The casket is closed and you know Taker will be in it soon. Chokeslam is blocked and 619 hits. Rey gets two off a counter to a counter to the springboard splash as the end is clearly near. Chokeslam hits to retain THANK GOODNESS!

Rating: C-. Better than the last match as at least this had an ending. It was still boring but Kane winning clean is a nice perk. You know it’ll wind up being Kane vs. Taker but Kane getting a clean win like this is good for him because he flat out needs them for some credibility. Not horrible but I’ve seen worse.

Post match Kane says he’s going to put Rey in the casket and opens it, showing that it’s empty. Two chokeslams and a tombstone (sick one too) and of course Taker is in the casket. He goes for Rey and asks if he’s heard of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth? Taker asks him why he did it but Rey insists it wasn’t him. Hand around throat and the throat slit sign but he turns to Kane. Kane breaks Taker’s grip and tombstones him, leaving him laying. These guys are on and off more than all the high school relationships in history. Yep Kane is the heel again.

Ad for Smackdown on Sci-Fi.

Clips of Summerslam Axxess which looks awesome.

Recap of Nexus vs. Cena’s Army. If you don’t know this by now, go read the Raw recaps since I’m sick of this story.

Nexus vs. R-Truth/Edge/Chris Jericho/Miz/John Cena/Bret Hart/John Morrison

Remember that this is elimination. This should go for a LONG time. New shirt for Cena. Miz comes out last and Cena has something to say. Cena has a replacement, and it’s DANIEL BRYAN. The really weird thing here is that there was an article up on WWE.com where it spoiled this half an hour before it happened. That’s rather freaky and I can’t imagine the speech he got because of it.

Nexus vs. R-Truth/Edge/Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan/John Cena/Bret Hart/John Morrison

BIG brawl to start as Cole runs down Bryan every second because he has to. The official starters are Bryan and Young. This should be quick. Hey I’m right as Bryan gets a crossface and Young is out in like 30 seconds. That evens things out since Hart is more or less worthless. Gabriel and Jericho are in now and don’t expect every tag to be mentioned since it’s going to be very fast paced.

Tarver comes in and throws a lot of punches. Morrison gets a nice pop as the hometown boy. Flash Kick and Starship Pain put Tarver down to make it 7-5. He landed on his back this time so we’ll call that a success. Barrett wants a huddle. Sheffield comes in and boxes with Morrison kind of as Nexus takes over. The fans want Bret as it’s all Sheffield. Morrison makes a comeback but walks into a kick by Gabriel and the clothesline from Sheffield to make it 6-5.

Sheffield hits Truth in like 30 seconds to tie it up. Jericho comes in and gets beaten down. Why do they keep calling them Team WWE? Nexus is in WWE officially right? Jericho vs. Barrett is an interesting match actually. Bret and Slater come in as Cena hasn’t been in yet, which is rather interesting. Bret does basic stuff and gets the Sharpshooter but there’s a chair in. Sheffield gets the tag and Bret pops him with the chair for reasons of basic stupidity. That’s the best way to get rid of him since he can’t take a power move due to his health so there isn’t another way to do it really.

As a recap it’s Cena/Edge/Jericho/Bryan vs. Sheffield/Barrett/Slater/Otunga/Gabriel. Sheffield gets up and walks into the Codebreaker. Spear ties us up at 4. Gabriel gets a SICK spin kick on Edge. The kick itself was just ok but the impact looked great. Barrett and Edge slow us down a bit. Edge gets a spinwheel kick which is one of his old moves. I haven’t seen him use that in forever.

Otunga comes in and is booed out of the building. Edge hits the Edgecution and gets a face pop for it. Not sure whether it’s for Edge or against Otunga but whatever. Edge gets the tag but STILL no Cena. This is certainly compelling. Lionsault hits and Striker says HE HIT IT! Jericho loses the Walls for a bit but Otunga eventually taps to get us to 4-3 Team Cena. Jericho is wrestling like Lionheart here and a BIG Y2J chant starts. I still want a Jericho face title run.

And he runs into Cena, resulting in Slater hitting his Zig Zag for the tie. Cena and Edge both want in and Edge yells while Bryan plays peacemaker. Slater runs Edge into Cena and rolls him up to get Jericho and Edge in less than a minute. Edge and Jericho beat up Cena before leaving. Jericho: YOU’RE A STUPID MAN! Cena/Bryan vs. Slater/Barrett/Gabriel. Cena is finally in now and gets his head kicked in.

Very good match so far as Nexus has looked STRONG. Cena can’t get anything going and Cole will not shut up about Bryan. Gabriel gets a DDT on Cena that looked good. Everyone beats on Cena and as I say that we get a double clothesline. Bryan comes in and cleans house, using a freaking big boot. Striker wants Cattle Mutilation. Where’s PETA when you need them?

Cena is down on the floor which makes me wonder where this is going. Cena as heel vs. Bryan as face? After a lot of GOOD stuff from Bryan he gets Slater to tap. And cue Miz with the briefcase to blast Bryan and make it 2-1 with Barrett/Gabriel vs. Cena. Cena is more or less dead though despite not being beaten down past anything overly special. He goes into the ending sequence though after a missed Gabriel splash in the corner.

FU doesn’t work as Gabriel makes the tag and Nexus takes over again. It’s a massive beatdown here as Cena has NOTHING. The two guys pull the mats on the floor back and Barrett hits a DDT on the exposed concrete. Gabriel gets tagged in and the 450 MISSES! Cena rolls up Gabriel and instantly gets the STFU on Barrett for the TAP AND THE WIN!

Rating: B+. This was very good. They booked it perfectly, including the ending. As I said in the LD, Cena moved, covered, did a drop toehold, laid on Barrett’s back and pulled. THAT’S IT. That’s how he beat them both. He wasn’t doing an FU to both guys after escaping their finishers and hitting 4 shoulder blocks each. He outmoved them and it worked fine. Nexus looked solid out there and the whole thing looked fine. This was a good match and well done. It certainly wasn’t bad and is nowhere near what people are making it out to be. I loved this and it made the show for the most part.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good show, but it’s a kind that would need a footnote. This is the definition of a one match show. I don’t mean one match is great and the rest suck. I mean this was built around one single match and nothing else on the card mattered at all. Other than the 7 on 7 match, what else was hyped at all?

Luckily, that match was very good and hit on all cylinders. The rest of the card is ok, but it could have been better. The Orton/Sheamus ending was just bad. Kane overpowering Taker is interesting as it actually gives us some intrigue. This was a good show overall, powered mainly by the main event’s success. Not worth seeing much other than the main, but that’s expected with a show like this.

So there you have it: The History of Summerslam. For 23 years the show has served as the second biggest show of the year and I’d say it hasn’t disappointed very often. There have been some bad ones, but there’s also been some great ones. It’s a great pairing to go with Mania as it’s about 4 months later and things have changed a decent amount in between.

Complete with the Survivor Series and the Rumble, you could almost see this as the beginning of the WWE year. Think about it. Of the four major shows, Mania is the end of the year, so this could be the beginning as Backlash is usually the epilogue with the Mania rematches. This is the first big show of the year, so it’s a big benchmark if you look at it that way. I’ll be back with Survivor Series starting around Halloween, so until then…..um….dangI need a catchphrase.

I’ll be back tomorrow with this year’s show hopefully as soon as it ends.  Thanks for reading.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Smackdown
Date: August 17, 2012
Location: Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews

It’s the final show before Summerslam and the main topic is Del Rio wanting an explanation from Booker as to why he lost his title match against Sheamus. My guess would be because no one wants to see that match and Booker is trying to spare us from having to sit through it, but I’d be stunned if the match didn’t wind up being back on by the end of the show with no changes at all. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Del Rio talking about how he’s going to win the title at Summerslam mixed with clips of the car saga with Sheamus.

Here’s Del Rio in the arena minus his car. He wants the title back now because Sheamus needs to be punished for destroying Del Rio’s car. That’s a good point. Del Rio says he’s not leaving until he gets his title match back. That brings out Booker who wants to know why Del Rio has been a thorn in his side since he became GM. Booker talks about how what Del Rio did last week was crossing a line and that won’t be tolerated. Del Rio mentions the scariest thing in WWE: lawyers.

Thank goodness here’s Jericho of all people to interrupt by asking Del Rio to shut up. Jericho rips him apart, saying no one cares about anything Del Rio says. Del Rio yells in Spanish but Jericho comes back with Spanish of his own. Jericho says that after he beats Ziggler on Sunday, maybe he’ll take Del Rio’s spot in the main event and win the world title. Booker makes Jericho vs. Del Rio for the main event tonight. This would be a perfect example of people with charisma vs. a person with absolutely no charisma at all.

Cody Rhodes/The Miz vs. Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio

Cody says he wants to expose Sin Cara’s face and he has a picture of him unmasked. It’s a drawing which looks like an alien. Cody and Cara start us off but both heels are quickly sent to the floor. The masked men take out their respective rivals with dives before we head back inside. Cody kicks Cara in the head to take over and it’s off to Miz. After the champ does nothing at all it’s back to Cody who goes for the mask.

Miz comes back in but Cara kicks him in the leg a few times to get a breather. Back to Cody who gets taken down as well. Hot tag brings in Rey for some headscissors followed by a kick to the head of Cody for two. The sitout bulldog gets two as Miz makes the save. Cara clotheslines Miz to the floor but tries to skin the cat. Cody goes for the mask but it puts him in 619 position. That and the top rope splash from Rey get the pin at 4:22.

Rating: C+. Nothing great here but it gave us some hype for both feuds, although I don’t think Cody vs. Cara has been announced for Summerslam. Rey vs. Miz is as tacked on as it gets, but just having the title defended at Summerslam is a step up for the belt in recent months. Also it’s good to have Cody lose here instead of Rey beating the champ again. Decent match here.

Rey takes out Miz post match.

Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks vs. ???/???

Reks and Hawkins come to the ring in suits which they remove while dancing. Just what we needed: male strippers. Hawkins starts with Jobber A and it’s quickly off to Reks. Apparently Reks and Hawkins’ mission is to trend worldwide. Not to win matches or championships, but to trend on Twitter. Jobber B comes in and gets his head kicked in by Reks before a powerslam/sliding neckbreaker combo gets the pin at 1:37. I don’t see this gimmick lasting long.

Long recap of Punk’s title reign. By entire reign I mean we skip everything from Survivor Series up to Raw 1000.

Regal wishes Eve luck in her match tonight but she says she doesn’t need it. Regal reminisces about being in charge of Raw but now he’s in charge of taking out the trash.

Wade Barrett is coming back.

Kaitlyn vs. Eve Torres

The winner is Booker’s assistant. Eve takes her to the mat immediately and hooks an armbar. Kaitlyn backdrops her down and hits a shoulder block for two. A small package gets one for Kaitlyn but Eve gets up and hits a Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza for the pin and the job at 2:15. It’s a swinging suplex but I don’t think it has an official name other than that.

Eve comes in to see Booker and says she has a lot of ideas. Booker wants to know if she and Teddy can get along. Eve says yes and that’s it. I have no idea what the point in 45 seconds being spent on this was.

Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton

Feeling out process to start with Orton taking Bryan down with a shoulder block. A clothesline gets two on Daniel and he bails to the floor. He argues with a fan using only two words over and over again before walking back into another clothesline. Orton stomps away a bit but misses a knee drop. Bryan kicks the knee out (not the one that missed but whatever) and goes after it like a heel submission master would.

Orton pounds away to come back but Bryan kicks the knee out again. He shouts NO a lot and goes up, only to get crotched and superplexed. We take a break and come back with Orton pounding Bryan in the head but Bryan takes the knee out again. That may sound familiar if you’re paying attention. Bryan misses a charge into the corner and gets rolled up for two. Orton fires up his finishing sequence but the knee slows him down again.

The Elevated DDT is escaped and they head to the floor with Bryan being sent into the barricade. Back inside and Bryan bails immediately. Orton can’t stand up because of the knee so he rolls to the floor where Bryan whips him into the steps knee first. Back in and Bryan fires off the NO Kicks but Orton ducks the big one and hits his backbreaker for two.

The knee keeps him from following up so Bryan climbs the corner, only to get caught in the Elevated DDT. RKO is countered into the NO Lock, which makes little sense given the amount of leg work done so far. Here’s Kane….or at least his music for the most overdone way to end a match in the WWE today. Bryan bails to the floor before coming back in for an RKO and the pin at 10:48 shown of 14:18.

Rating: B-. I was digging this one until the ending brought it down. Orton was selling the knee very well here and it gave us a nice story for the match. One thing that I touched on in the match though which drives me crazy: why would Bryan go for the NO Lock? He’s a submission master and he knows a few dozen submissions he could use on the leg, but instead he uses a shoulder hold, simply because it’s his finisher. I can’t stand it when people who are known to use multiple submissions use one that makes no sense in the current match because it goes against Bryan’s character in a lot of ways. Good match though.

Kane pops up on the stage post match and smiles.

Santino is out for commentary.

Antonio Cesaro vs. Zach Ryder

Antonio immediately throws Ryder down with the gutwrench suplex. Ryder is in red/orange here instead of the usual purple. Santino talks about his training for the match Sunday as Ryder makes a well received comeback. Broski Boot gets two but Cesaro hot shots him and the Neutralizer gets the pin at 1:30.

Santino gets shoved post match.

Long recap of Lesnar vs. HHH. Shawn won’t be at Summerslam because of his broken arm. We get some fans’ tweets on the match.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Chris Jericho

They have a lot of time for this. After Del Rio’s entrance we cut to the back where Ziggler is destroying Jericho. After a break Del Rio wants Booker to come out here and say the title match is back on, but here’s a hobbling Jericho instead, who says ring the bell. Del Rio immediately kicks him in the ribs for two as Jericho is in trouble early. Alberto chokes in the corner and kicks Jericho out to the apron.

Del Rio loads up the armbreaker (more acceptable here because that’s his only submission hold) but Jericho escapes into an enziguri. They head to the apron again and Jericho is knocked into the announce table as we take a break. Back with Del Rio holding Jericho in a body scissors followed by a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. A middle rope double stomp misses for Del Rio and Jericho makes a quick comeback.

Chris hits the bulldog and Lionsault but can’t cover immediately because of the ribs. Del Rio tries the Codebreaker on the arm but Jericho counters into the Walls. Del Rio kicks him off into the ropes which are being pulled down by Ziggler. Dolph throws Jericho back in and a big kick to the head from Alberto gets the pin at 6:13 shown of 9:43.

Rating: C. This was fine. Jericho being injured going into the PPV wasn’t really needed as you could have just had the ending here to add more heat to Jericho vs. Ziggler but it’s not that big of a deal. Del Rio looks a bit stronger, but he doesn’t have a match on Sunday now. Oh who am I kidding. You know what’s coming.

Post match Sheamus runs out and beats up Del Rio, chasing him off into the crowd. Booker comes out and Sheamus begs him to put the match back on the card for Sunday. He doesn’t care about the arm injury and eventually Booker agrees, making the last week’s worth of developments totally pointless.

Overall Rating: C+. This show did a good job at building up a lot of the matches for Sunday, but the problem is that most of them have barely gotten any build at all leading up to tonight’s show. Look at Miz vs. Mysterio for example. There was a match a week ago and now they have a rematch on Sunday. That’s not exactly making me want to buy the show for it but it’s certainly better than an unannounced match.

As for the world title, at the end of the day Del Rio is not interesting at all and he drags it way down. Sheamus showing emotion helps him a lot, as does having him in street clothes for some reason. Anyway, good show tonight and a good build for Summerslam, but what they’re building to doesn’t look all that interesting.

Results

Sin Cara/Rey Mysterio b. Cody Rhodes/The Miz – Top rope splash to Rhodes

Curt Hawkins/Tyler Reks b. ???/??? – Poweslam/Neckbreaker combination

Eve Torres b. Kaitlyn – Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza

Randy Orton b. Daniel Bryan – RKO

Antonio Cesaro b. Zach Ryder – Neutralizer

Alberto Del Rio b. Chris Jericho – Kick to the head

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 7, 2000
Location: Reunion Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 12,893
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is another request from about six weeks after the previous request I had. There have been some major changes, namely the arrival of the Radicalz from WCW. They’re in the main event tonight (minus Eddie who broke his arm in his debut match with the company) in a ten man tag that you hear a lot about for reasons that elude me completely. Let’s get to it.

Here’s X-Pac along with Tori who looks a lot better in black and green. As they get in the ring, here are the Radicalz (Saturn, Malenko, Benoit and Guerrero) who say they wanted to get into the WWF but on Thursday, they weren’t good enough to earn their contracts. Eddie thanks the fans (NOT FREAKING UNIVERSE) for their support and the privilege of performing in front of them. Benoit wants to thank the man that brought them here: Cactus Jack.

Cue Cactus who has just come off a masterpiece of a fight against HHH at the Rumble. Before Foley can say anything, here are HHH and Stephanie, who is still only 24 here. She says this is making her sick and makes fun of the Dallas Cowboys. Her acting is at its usual levels here. HHH says this has gone on too long so he wants Jack one more time. At No Way Out, it’s Jack’s last shot at HHH or the title. It can be any kind of match Jack wants, but there are no sharp metallic objects, no 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire or none of Jack’s sadistic toys.

Jack runs down the rules HHH just listed and says that he can have any kind of match other than that. He doesn’t think that sounds very fun, but he has a good idea: Hell in a Cell. HHH says it’s on but Jack’s career has to be on the line, and that means all incarnations of Foley: no Dude Love, no Mankind, no Cactus Jack. Jack says he’s done it all in his career and he lists off some accomplishments of his, but there’s something missing: he’s never been in the main event of Wrestlemania.

If he can’t beat HHH in the Cell, he never wants to wrestle again anyway. Shawn Michaels would use nearly those exact words 10 years later against Undertaker at Mania 26. Jack throws in the stipulation that if he wins, HHH gets no rematch and gets to be in the world title match of Wrestlemania no matter what. HHH says you’re on and starts walking to the ring. He says Cactus has 20 days left and then it’s over.

HHH takes what he wants when he wants it and right now he wants a piece of Cactus Jack. Speaking to the Radicalz, he says they can either get out of the ring or show their appreciation to the man who gave them their contracts. The Radicalz jump Foley, the man that brought them to the company. The heat from the crowd is off the charts here. It’s a 6-1 beatdown and the Pedigree leaves Jack laying.

Now let’s talk for a minute about why this segment was awesome. First of all, I want to discuss HHH. He gets a lot of well deserved flack for how dreadful he made 2002 and 2003, but in 2000, the man was untouchable when it came to being evil. He and Rock traded the world title for most of the year and there was no one else that deserved it more. HHH was on fire in this promo for multiple reasons.

First of all, he challenged Jack. After being in the fight of his life about two weeks ago, here he is asking for another match with the guy that gave him one of the worst beatings in the history of wrestling. He gave Jack the option of what match Jack wanted and said he didn’t care because he wanted Jack gone that much. HHH was a lot of things in the year 2000, but rarely could he be called a coward.

That brings us to Jack. As usual, Foley was golden on the microphone here and made you believe that all that mattered to him was being in the main event of Wrestlemania. It’s something you always hear about and it makes you think of main eventing that show as something that means more than anything to Foley. It gives him a reason to put his career on the line in a match that is perfectly suited to him.

That brings us to the Cell. Today, there’s a PPV called Hell in a Cell which has at least one match in the Cell no matter how long the feud has gone. Here, much like at Wrestlemania this year (2012), the match came up because the feud called for it. After the street fight Jack and HHH had at the Rumble, they had to step it up and give us something that would somehow be even more violent and dangerous, which is what the Cell could be. Given the stakes in the Cell match, it makes the match feel like it’s something huge and like something we as fans would want to pay money to see.

That brings us to the big surprise to end the angle: after HHH agreed to the match, we got a major turn in the Radicalz joining with HHH who basically bought them with contracts. That stacks the deck against Jack and makes you wonder how could he possibly pull this off. The only way to find that out is on PPV. At the end of the day, this was a huge moment and a great promo which made me want to watch these two fight again and makes me want to see how Jack can get out of this. Great stuff.

The Radicalz and HHH are in the back and HHH announces a ten man tag: himself, X-Pac and the Radicalz vs. Foley/whomever he can find.

Tag Titles: New Age Outlaws vs. Edge/Christian

Edge and Christian are challenging. As soon as the bell rings the Dudleys come out to watch. They’re in the middle of a feud with the Canadians (no really) and are at the moment the hottest tag team act since the 80s. Billy and Christian start us off and Christian speeds things WAY up, sending Billy into a near fit. Christian dives off the top onto both Outlaws on the floor but we missed part of it due to looking at Bubba looking at JR.

Billy avoids another Christian dive and it’s off to Road Dogg, but Christian gets in a shot of his own to bring Edge back in. A spinwheel kick gets two on Roadie and Edge is sent to the floor. Billy sends him into the steps and the most famous and successful guy out of all these four is in trouble. D-Von is going off on whatever comes to his mind on commentary, showing more emotion than I’ve heard from him in about ten years combined. Billy hits a Jackhammer for two.

Bubba wants to put JR through a table and Jerry actually claps. Edge hits a double neckbreaker on the Outlaws and the place erupts. Dallas has always had good crowds. There’s the hot tag to Christian and everything breaks down. Billy and Edge are sent to the floor and Christian counters the shaky punches into the reverse DDT for two. Edge spears Billy down for two but Bubba hits a cutter on Christian on the top rope, allowing Roadie to hit the pumphandle slam (his finisher) on Christian to retain the belts.

Rating: B-. It’s amazing how hot a good tag match can get a crowd. This was back when the tag division had been the Outlaws and whatever random teams were thrown together to fight for the tag titles. Then all of a sudden you have the Dudleys (who would basically squash the Outlaws for the titles later this month), the Hardys, Edge and Christian, the Outlaws to an extent and Too Cool and they were having some rocking matches. Unfortunately it only lasted a year and a half, but man alive it was a great year and a half.

The Dudleys brawl with the Canadians post match but run away.

Mark Henry asks Mae to stay in the back for the sake of their unborn baby.

Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

Angle makes fun of Henry for impregnating Mae, saying it took intensity but lacked intelligence and integrity. Angle as the holier than thou smiley man was glorious. Who would have thought this would have been the main event of a major PPV one day? Angle takes him to the mat but Henry LAUNCHES him into the air to escape. That looked awesome. Henry powerslams him down and drops a big old leg for two. A jackknife gets two but Mark misses a charge and goes over the top and out to the floor. Cue Mae Young who jumps Angle for the DQ.

Angle hits the Angle Slam on Mae who takes it better than half the guys I’ve seen it used on. Angle would win the European Title later this week on Smackdown.

Rock is here.

Mae is checked out. She doesn’t like being on her back so she shows everyone her puppies. The medic is traumatized.

Hollies vs. Acolytes

Hardcore match. The Hollies charge the ring and are immediately knocked to the floor. All four head into the crowd and to the concourse. We hit the concession stand and it’s time to drink beer. Bradshaw loads up a powerbomb on a table but here’s Viscera with a 2×4. After he slips on beer and gets up, he breaks the weakest 2×4 ever over Bradshaw’s back to give Hardcore the pin. This was short but fun.

Here’s Jericho with the IC Title and a mic. Jericho says he’s glad to be in Dallas but he’s worried about having to face the love child of Mr. T. and Fat Albert.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Viscera

Jericho pounds away but gets backdropped to stop the momentum dead. A missile dropkick puts Viscera down but walks into a spinwheel kick (yes Viscera at 6’10 and 500lbs could do those) to send him out to the floor. Back in and Jericho tries the springboard dropkick but slips, making it more like a flying leg attack. Viscera takes him to the floor and splashes him against the barricade before heading back inside. Back inside and a Samoan Drop gets two. Jericho hits the bulldog out of nowhere followed by the Lionsault but the Hollies come in for the DQ. Too short to rate but this was exactly what you would expect.

The Acolytes come in as well and it’s a brawl to likely set up a six man somewhere soon. Actually scratch that as I can’t find a record of that ever occurring. That’s surprising.

The Radicalz (not yet named that I don’t think) say they’re not sorry for what they did earlier.

Kevin Kelly is outside Rock’s locker room.

Gangrel gives Luna a weird pep talk.

The XFL is coming. That launched on my birthday.

Women’s Title: Luna vs. Jacqueline

Jackie is defending and please make this short. Jackie is from Dallas so guess who the fans like. They start on the floor and the referee gets sandwiched between them. Inside Jackie gets a small package for two but Luna comes back with what we would call an AA. A Vader Bomb misses though and Jackie hits a German suplex for the quick pin to retain.

Gangrel DDTs Jackie post match and I begin to smile.

Kevin Kelly explains No Way Out to Rock until he’s finally shut up. Rock asks Kevin if he’s ever had pie. Kevin says he had some apple pie earlier but Rock wants to know about poontang pie. Kelly says of course he has but Rock tells him not to lie. Rock says today is Kevin’s lucky day and he’s got Kevin’s first piece of pie. It’s actually a shirt that Rock puts over Kevin’s head.

Now we get down to business because it’s not about who is going to Wrestlemania, because it’s about who is Rock facing for the WWF Title at Wrestlemania. Big Show isn’t going to stand in Rock’s way at No Way Out because it is Rock’s destiny to go to Wrestlemania. Rock pauses to ask if Kevin is bored by his pie.

As for Cactus Jack, tonight it’s not 5-1 but rather 5-2 because Rock has his back. Rock doesn’t care if he’s fighting Benoit, Malenko, Guerrero, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto or Uranus, because they can turn their contracts sideways and shove them. Rock was feeling it here and it’s amazing how much better promos were back then, as the guys had the chance to show off.

Godfather’s ho’s are ready for his tag match.

Dudley Boys vs. Godfather/D’Lo Brown

The Dudleys charge the ring and we’re on fast. Godfather boots D-Von down and they’re the starters. Off to Brown who double teams D-Von with the pimp for two. D-Von takes Brown down with a forearm but misses a middle rope legdrop. Back to Godfather who cleans house and hits the Ho Train. The Ho’s get on the apron and the referee misses Bubba chop blocking Godfather. Why they needed to distract the referee is beyond me but whatever. It’s basically a handicap match here but Brown manages a Sky High and Low Down on D-Von but Bubba makes the save. 3D ends this quick.

Medics are checking on Godfather’s knee so Bubba goes and steals one of them to put through a table. Edge and Christian finally come through the crowd to make the save along with the Hardys.

There’s a Stone Cold racecar.

Cactus says don’t count him out either tonight or in 20 days. He was never supposed to be here because 15 years ago he was told he wasn’t good enough to be in this business. He was ready to go one on five but he’s not stupid enough to turn down Rock’s head. Cactus says he’s going to Wrestlemania.

HHH/X-Pac/Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn vs. Cactus Jack/The Rock/???/???/???

Before the bell rings, Rikishi and Too Cool come out to even the odds. It’s a wild brawl to start and I’m not even going to try to call it. Rock and HHH are fighting on the ramp as Benoit and Cactus head into the crowd (DANG that could have been an awesome feud). Stephanie is on commentary and the fans are blowing the roof off the place. Grandmaster and X-Pac get things going and Sexay misses a middle rope knee drop.

Off to Saturn and Scotty, the latter of whom has a bandage around his head. He loads up the Worm (with five hops instead of four) but Malenko interferes before Scotty can cover. A big old suplex puts Scotty down and Dean comes in legally. Scotty gets in a shot and brings in Rikishi who runs Dean over. Off to Benoit who charges right into a Samoan Drop. He can’t suplex Rikishi but Benoit pounds on his back and is all like oh yeah boy you’re going and suplexes Rikishi down.

Jack comes in and pounds Benoit down into the corner. This is one of the hottest crowds I’ve ever seen. Jack goes for HHH and they head to the announce table. Saturn and Pac have to save HHH from death and we head back inside. HHH stomps Jack down in the corner and shoves the referee away. Off to Pac who almost immediately walks into a neckbreaker to take him down.

Hot tag brings in Rock and it’s spinebusters all around. Pac takes a Rock Bottom for two as HHH saves. Saturn kicks Rock down but Rock is having none of this Bronco Buster nonsense. Grandmaster hits the Hip Hop Drop but Pac gets up and kicks the goggles off Sexay’s head. HHH comes in again with the flying knee and it’s off to Saturn and Benoit for some double teaming.

Benoit suplexes Sexay down for two and it’s back to HHH. The heels are tagging incredibly fast. Grandmaster hits a double DDT out of nowhere on Benoit and HHH. There’s the hot tag to Cactus but the referee didn’t see it. Everything breaks down and HHH hits the Pedigree on Grandmaster followed by the Swan Dive from Benoit for the pin.

Rating: B. This seems like a match where the crowd reaction carried it to a higher level which is fine. It’s certainly better than I remember but it’s not as good as I’ve seen some people make it out to be. Anyway, you could see the great matches coming and this would give Too Cool a nice push, resulting in their only tag title run a few months after this.

The fight keeps going post match and the Outlaws run out with clubs or pipes or something like that. The lights go out and KANE is back (complete with Paul Bearer), hunting for X-Pac. He’s even rocking the inverted colors with the black and red trim. Kane runs through DX and the Radicalz and sends them running away to end the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This was one of the best Raws I can ever remember. We had good wrestling, we had comedy, we had an excellent promo, we had a big main event, and we had a return. What more can I possibly ask for? Oh yeah: Jackie getting beaten up. Screw it this is getting a perfect score. The WWF was absolutely amazing in 2000 and this is a great example of why. If today’s Raw was even 40% this awesome, it would be the best wrestling show on TV bar none.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Summerslam 2009
Date: August 23, 2009
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 17,129
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews

With another year under our belts since the previous Summerslam, our main feuds are Cena and Orton and Punk (woo!) and Hardy. As many of you may likely know, this very well could be Hardy’s last match with the company. Our other big deal is the return (again) of DX, this time facing Legacy.

While a lot of people have criticized this, the segment that they had on Raw was excellent in my eyes. Shawn is a guy that can just come from nowhere and have a great match. The card actually looks pretty freaking sweet tonight. That doesn’t mean it’ll be good, but let’s get to this.

I liked the Summerslam logo this year. It looked a bit old school. The intro is hijacked by DX doing shadow puppets, but they freeze it on Legacy. Apparently this was the kiss cam and Cody loves Ted. Ted says ditto. So he loves himself I guess?

Anyway, they have some shenanigans going on which are kind of funny. I like the DX comedy sometimes. It’s not going to be the 90s version, so why compare it to that? It was fairly funny, involving DX breaking the feed of the intro and Shawn trying to fix it. It’s better than it sounds.

JR does the opening alone. That’s just odd. I like Aerosmith though so I’m not complaining about the music. As has become the custom, no buildup for the first match.

Intercontinental Title: Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler

I’m quite surprised this is opening. This is a rematch from NOC as well, which allegedly was brought on by Rey simply whining about not having a long enough reign yet. Based on that, I think the title change is coming here but odder things have happened before. They had a great match last month so I’m assuming this will be good too. Ziggler is growing on me, but I have a hard time getting on Kerwin White.

Rey comes out first. Why? He’s the champion. Now we get Grisham to talk so that’s an improvement I guess. I like the purple and gold on him. It’s almost reminiscent of his WCW days but not quite. I miss the big semi-circle video screen that they used to have for Summerslam. Ross forgot Ziggler’s first name. How dare he forget the real name of Ivan Drago? Ziggler’s music is awesome. How did Kerwin White actually keep a job this long?

Just goes to show you that you can’t make fun of wrestlers when they have horrible gimmicks. Other than Santino of course. He will always suck. The graphic of the belt looks very cool for some reason. Wow the IC belt is actually opening the show. That’s an odd thing to think of. Ziggler is freaking ripped. I’m getting close, dangerously close actually, to liking this guy.

Love that quick powerslam that’s done coming off of the ropes. It just looks awesome. Ok, that moonsault was SWEET. Rey doesn’t do his old style often, but when he does it’s freaking amazing. Ziggler has leopard print gloves. That’s either really stupid or really awesome. That was a pretty weak corner powerbomb. I guess Rey’s size makes up for it. This has been pretty hard hitting so far. What more can you ask for?

Apparently Rey makes a habit out of getting people in the corner and drop toe holding them. Yeah I’ve never seen him do that in the corner either. Thank you JR. Dolph just kills him with a clothesline afterwards. That looked awesome. He used a Stinger Splash. He has to be cool. Sick looking head bump on the post from it too. Rey goes for a springboard reverse crossbody but Dolph hits a perfect dropkick to the ribs. That was sweet.

This is a very good match. And there it is. We have our stupid way to get into position for the 619. My only criticism of Dolph is his offense is a bit basic. If he upgrades that he’ll be very good. He’s rocking the bad Mr. Perfect haircut though, so I’m not wild about that either. I kind of like the white ropes, but I’m not sure.

Ziggler finally avoids the springboard splash in the most basic way of all: he sits up. Why is that so complicated for some people? The fans are chanting for Ziggler here, which is surprising but also good I guess. Rey gets a hurricanrana from the top to win and keep the title in a very good match.

Rating: A-. This was a GREAT opener. It was fast paced, it was solid, and the face won. I’m hyped for the rest of the show and it’s 330 in the morning. That’s exactly what an opening match is supposed to be. See how effective the IC belt can be when it’s not being used in bad comedy angles? Ziggler looks awesome here which is all you can ask for. See what they do on Smackdown? They have the veterans make the young guys look good. That’s how you keep the future going people.

Josh is in the back with Swagger and MVP who say that tonight there’s a culture clash. Both are solid on the mic here, but Swagger impresses me a lot more. He’s got the heel character down to a T and the cockiness is perfect. MVP is good, but not as good. Also, he talks about how Swagger has this great background and was a rich kid. Ok, that’s fine, but he still won with athleticism in the NCAA. Swagger won this promo war with ease and he’s making the DDP two time two time thing better.

King and Lawler say nothing of importance.

Jack Swagger vs. MVP

My goodness…could it be? I mean, it’s impossible isn’t it? This couldn’t be…a regular non-title midcard match? I…I think it is! Now, can you find anyone that actually thinks MVP has a chance? His face turn has been a complete disaster as he’s just cut out to be the cocky heel. Go back to it already. After those promos, I’m looking forward to this. The opening 25 minutes to this has been pretty sweet so far.

MVP goes for the Ballin Elbow about 19 seconds into this, but because it takes longer than that to set it up, it doesn’t work. I don’t get why these two are having this match anyway, since Swagger pinned him clean already on Raw. This is a very slow paced match and the fans aren’t liking it that much. They’re way behind the face though as he’s in the Monsoon Special, which I’m sure Gorilla would find something wrong with.

Looking at it, it is pretty sloppy. Sick clothesline stops MVP’s comeback though. Into a half camel clutch which wouldn’t actually hurt but now it’s full. At least Swagger knows how to hurt people. Ok, Swagger gets knocked down and MVP sets up for the Ballin Elbow. I timed him on this: SIXTEEN SECONDS from the time that he got in position to the time it connected. That’s over 5 pins. Seriously, could you not just cover him in that amount of time?

They fight a bit more…and MVP wins clean with the playmaker? What the heck? MVP actually won this thing and he did it clean. How in the world did that happen? I’m genuinely surprised by that, and I don’t think it’s in a good way. AGAIN they mention the chick from The View. WE GET IT!

Rating: C. This was fine, but short and surprising. It certainly wasn’t bad, but at just 6 and a half minutes they didn’t have the time to get anything going. There were some bad spots in there too where it was just flat out boring, but luckily they were quick. Again, not bad, but it’s really nothing special. It felt like a Raw match.

Don’t try this at home. Good advice actually.

Luke Perry is here. I don’t care.

We get a recap of the guest hosting thing, which I think has gone well. ZZ Top was awful but other than that, I think it’s gone well. I still want to murder Dr. Ken though. It’s worked for one simple reason in my eyes: for the most part, they’ve gotten people that either have a ton of charisma or seem like legit WWE fans. That’s all you can ask for really.

Nancy O’Dell reads off a script about her charity. Yeah that’s fine. It’s for ALS, aka Lou Gehrig’s Disease. She talks to people like Freddie Prinze Jr…and that’s it. She’s apparently going to host Raw in the future. I’ll be reading something that night. She’s very annoying.

Tag Titles: Big Show/Jericho vs. Cryme Tyme

Speaking of annoying, I don’t like the champion’s new music. This has actually been built up pretty well I’d think, with Show being the partner to replace Edge when he got hurt. It seemed to me that was a last second decision, but whatever. Cryme Tyme is one of the oddest teams I can ever remember. They’ve never actually done anything, so maybe they will here. I’m not holding my breath though.

Actually, this match has gotten the third most build, which isn’t what I expected. However, I’m certainly glad to see a tag title match getting this kind of TV time. It’s what the belts really need. Again the champions come out first. Jericho runs down celebrities in general. Isn’t he a celebrity as well? Oh apparently he’s a superstar, which isn’t a celebrity. That…doesn’t make a lot of sense.

For the second time in 2 minutes we hear that they have over 40 titles between them. Show looks like he’s losing a bit of weight. That’s a good thing. Cryme Tyme interrupts Show’s promo. Remember what I said about the show being good so far? They just ruined it. They’re just freaking annoying to say the least. What have they ever actually accomplished? Oh yeah they got fired for being annoying.

JR makes another reference that no one gets. There’s no way that the faces are winning here, due to reasons of suck, but maybe at least we can get a decent match out of it. Yeah that’s not going to happen I don’t think. Jericho goes for the walls but instead goes for a slingshot. JTG just kind of jumps on him, which looks sloppy and stupid as usual. Grisham says that they’re trying to turn Hollywood into Holly-hood. Take me now.

JTG has to stay in there longer than he should simply because Shad sucks. He’s a beast as far as his look goes though, and he’s able to stand up to Show in the size department. Yeah he’s a lot better on defense. Show is freaking scary to say the least. Jericho whispers a spot to Shad which looks really bad. It’s never good when it’s on a major PPV and a veteran has to carry a team that’s been around as long as Cryme Tyme has been.

I think that’s my real issue with them: they’ve been around for a good few years and they just never get any better. The full nelson is applied, and of course we have the eternal question: WHO WAS NELSON? Maybe Babyface Nelson? Anybody? Anybody? I’ll be here all night. Jericho puts another hold on him, which makes sense because it’s really all Shad can do: get put in holds and sit there. It’s a scary thing when JTG is the bright spot of the team. Yeah this team is awful.

Jericho gets him in the Walls, and amazingly, he doesn’t tap. Seriously, can they bury this move any more than they already have? It’s just stupid how it doesn’t work on anyone at all anymore. When’s the last time someone tapped to it? Anyway, Show hits the punch for the knockout and Jericho gets the glory.

I’m really starting to like this team dynamic as Jericho does all the talking but Show wins the matches for them. At the very end of the segment, Ross mentions Big Show is undefeated at Summerslam. See, that is an interesting stat, and it would have been a lot more interesting at the beginning of the match.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was boring. Shad is just flat out awful, and JTG is just ok. The only reason they get over is their gimmick and nothing more. That’s just flat out boring in all aspects and nothing good comes of it. I can’t stand them and there was just nothing they could do here to make this interesting at all.

Ad for Breaking Point. Interesting concept, but I’m not sold on it. The main events only thing makes me feel better though.

Josh is with Punk who says a movie script he found called the Jeff Hardy story. He runs down LA and the lifestyle there and elsewhere, which yet again, rings amazingly true on so many levels. Every single thing that Punk has said in his promos has been true, and it’s amazing to say the least.

Kane vs. Great Khali

Again, no transition at all. I like Kane’s music here. Once Kane is in the ring, we actually get a long recap, which could have gone…I don’t know, before his entrance so it’s not him just standing there in the ring? This is an intriguing match to me as they’ve had a fairly long build with no official match. That’s a nice plus for a change as it gives this a bit more of a build. Now, if they manage to have a passable match, then we have proof that HBK/God vs. the McMahons was indeed a tag team match.

The reveal of Singh as Khali’s brother was pretty boring but it gives it a bit of a reason for being around Khali so much. Hopefully, this will be short and painless, but I’m not betting on that. JR mentions that Kane is on a four match winning streak at Summerslam. See? That’s another interesting stat and it makes you wonder if he can extend it here tonight. It’s small, but it adds a tiny bit more to the match and might get people more interested in it.

That’s what a commentator is supposed to do: offer insight. When you watch a DVD and listen to a special commentary, you’re listening for insights, maybe some numbers or stories that you wouldn’t know otherwise. That’s what wrestling commentators are supposed to do, but it so rarely happens which is a shame. JR says it’s a bowling shoe match, meaning we’re sorry that this is going to suck so badly.

A lot of this is just Khali showing off how strong he is, which is fine I guess, but I’d like more action. Khali misses a bad looking legdrop and then just sits there. He doesn’t sell anything or anything like that, but just sits there for the low dropkick. Kane apparently sees evil and likes it. I guess that’s why See No Evil sucked: Kane just wasn’t motivated. They fight over their respective chokeslams but that goes nowhere. Oh this is bad. It’s just so freaking sloppy.

To be fair though, what do you expect from two monsters like these? Khali with a sick sounding chop. The top rope clothesline puts Khali down and gets two. He doesn’t really kick out but it’s implied his shoulder was up. JR brings up an interesting point: if Khali quit in his language, would the referee understand it? Amazingly, the Khali chop isn’t enough for a pin. Geez Khali’s hands are freaking massive.

Kane hits a running dropkick to the knee and a running DDT for the win. That finish was kind of awesome actually. I love that Kane didn’t use a bad chokeslam to win it. That’s what I want to see more of in the WWE today: wrestlers winning with moves other than their finishers. It’s not really that hard to do and it works very well I think. Do it more often.

Rating: D+. Oy this was bad indeed. It was very sloppy, but the ending made it a lot better. Also, it was less than 6 minutes. See, that’s intelligent booking. You know these two aren’t going to have a great match, so keep it short. That makes a lot of sense and it made things a lot better than they could have been.

Some hot woman from a talk show is here. Slash is here too, so it’s closer to making me care. Robert Patrick is here.

We hit the recap button on DX vs. Legacy. This one is pretty short. HHH kept getting his teeth kicked in by them so he said he’d make one phone call. It wound up being about three but he eventually found Shawn as a cook in a diner in San Antonio, in what I thought was a very funny segment. This was followed up by Legacy actually beating them down in a run in on Raw a few days prior to this which at least made this look possible.

Oddly, the stuff about him being a cook is completely omitted from the recap video. What we do get though is a bunch of clips from some of their old exploits which have absolutely nothing to do with this feud or match. For some reason people were hoping that X-Pac or someone like that would return. People, the old DX is dead. All you’re going to get is these two buffoons, so be happy with it and let go of the past already.

Also, this really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. They’re going to have decent matches and it’s going to help Legacy look legit if they win a single match, which is a good thing. DX can do whatever they like out there and they’re going to get cheered. What else can you ask for out of them really? It’s HHH against someone not named Orton. Be happy.

DX vs. Legacy

Now this is for some reason considered one of the main events. Why? What makes this one of the big matches? Yes, Shawn is back, but when HHH returned against Booker in 2007 it was a midcard match and that was fine. I get that it’s the third biggest match by default, but that doesn’t mean it should be. I’d put the tag titles above this as they’ve had far more build, but whatever. Anyway, let’s get to this.

Ok, I’ve heard great things about the DX intro, and I’ll admit, it was awesome. Basically, it’s an army theme with a bunch of troops coming out in a jeep and firing off guns. Then the stage splits apart and DX comes out on a tank, launching of a bunch of fireworks. The fans are WAY into it and it’s cool. Everything is loud and big here and the crowd is screaming. That’s what you’re looking for here. The fans are the most important thing at the end of the day and they’re loving this.

Screw the people that think the return of DX was stupid. It’s cool and it’s working. The glow sticks are a cool idea too and I’m surprised it took this long for them to be invented. It takes about 5 minutes, but so what? The reaction was awesome, so rock on. Legacy is the evil opponent here, but they have some sweet music. It’s not as great as their 39th song, but it’s better than theme 341B. The announcers point out that this is a huge chance for Legacy and they’re absolutely right.

DX is a team of two hall of fame members, and Legacy are young guys. This is their chance, so hopefully they don’t get crushed. Naturally, HHH starts going strong which makes sense as he’s the face, so why wouldn’t he be in control at first? Oh apparently the right knee of HHH is his vintage knee. That’s good to know. Shawn gets tagged in to a big pop. Apparently the fans think something of this guy.

He does a cool spot where he fakes Cody out when Cody goes for a leapfrog but Shawn gets slapped. That was stupid don’t you think? There’s the return slap that you knew was coming. Legacy is controlling the match. That’s a lot more than I expected them to do actually. HHH is in now and not dominating. This is being worked slowly towards a big ending. That’s a truly lost art in tag team wrestling today.

I’m liking this: DX gets momentum and Legacy keeps stopping them. See, this is how you build a tag team: you let them look good. That’s what veterans are supposed to do: make young guys look good. DiBiase uses a chin lock. Good to see those Orton lessons paying off. It amuses me that as a tag team, Legacy is light years more successful than DX has been. Legacy is I think 3 time tag champions?

DX has definitely never won a tag title. What does that tell you? Lawler says this isn’t what DX had in mind. Yeah they were looking for some Chinese Checkers. Legacy is doing a great job here of keeping HHH in the ring. That’s very old school and it’s working quite well here. We get the boo yay punching sequence which I always kind of hate. Shawn gets the tag in. Cody goes for the Shawn elbow, which apparently is him stealing the move.

I love how they make no issue of Shawn stealing it from Savage who was winning world titles with it before Shawn debuted in the WWF. DX is actually in trouble here and the announcers are putting them over huge, which is all you can ask for. The crowd starts wooing as Shawn puts on a figure four. Cody hits Crossroads on Shawn, which is actually a pretty good name for his finishing move I guess. Rhodes takes a Pedigree as Shawn takes Dream Street.

Dang I actually couldn’t tell Legacy apart there. That’s not a good sign at all. In one of the fastest endings I’ve ever seen, Shawn hits Sweet at least 4 inches from Cody’s Chin Music for the pin. Yeah that wasn’t even close. Literally they were both just standing up and leaning on each other then Shawn took a step back and kicked. Yeah he missed but maybe the air knocked Cody down?

Rating: A. This was a great tag team match for many reasons, but the big one was that Legacy was made to look legit. This wasn’t like when DX dismantled the Spirit Squad week in and week out. Legacy had me believing that the upset was indeed possible. DX made them look good here in a very good 20 minute match. DX should have won, but they won the right way here. That was by far Legacy’s biggest and best match ever, and they brought their best. I’m impressed with both teams.

Ad for the WM 25 special on Saturday which is going to bomb.

ECW Title: Christian vs. William Regal

Not a ton of backstory here. One night on the Abraham Washington Show, a talk show segment on ECW, Regal was simply announced as the #1 contender. 5 days prior to this, he hooked up with Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson to form a trio with the only real thing in common being that they’re heels. This should be ok I guess. I still have no clue what the massive appeal of Christian is, although he’s had some decent matches lately.

I feel so sorry for the ECW announcers. Literally, we haven’t heard their voices until now, an hour and 40 minutes into the show. Also, yet again the champion comes out first. That’s just odd. Regal comes out with his two big henchmen.

Jackson’s heel turn was just odd as he was a face for all of two weeks and he was never an actual face at that. All that being said, it’s a 10 second match. Regal gets hit with the Killswitch and is out. Jackson and Kozlov are you beaters tonight. I prefer the Weasleys, but that’s just me. They half kill him here as the name Regal’s Roundtable is used. I like that…kind of.

Rating: N/A. Regal doesn’t belong on a major show like this, so I have no issues here at all. I’ve heard a lot of people complaining about how this was a disgrace and what not like that. Hogwash, this was great. Number one, the exact same thing happened last year as the ECW Title match got 33 seconds. Number two, this got the people’s attention and it made them believe that a match could end at any time.

That’s one of the major evils in WWE right now: there’s no point to watch the first 10-15 minutes of a world title match as it’s always going to go longer than that. Here you have a match where if you turn around to pet your cat the match is over. That’s brilliant. Number three, there was no build at all here. This gives you something to further the angle so you can have a rematch next month. Number four, people are talking about this now.

Isn’t that the point of any match? Number five, EVERYONE knew Christian was retaining here. How awesome does this make him look as champion? He beat an established veteran that fast with one move. This was a stroke of genius, not a disgrace.

They air some video about some F list celebrities and a charity event the roster was at. I won’t make fun of charity events, ever.

Let’s thank Aerosmith for our pointless theme song.

We get something resembling a recap of last Monday where they were tag partners. Cole says that Orton showed his true colors by attacking Orton after the match. EXCUSE ME? HE IS A FREAKING HEEL! HE NEVER WANTED TO BE IN THE TEAM IN THE FIRST PLACE! How is he showing his true colors by doing what he’s done the whole time? My goodness Cole does it cost you money to think or something?

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Well, at least it’s not HHH again. Basically, it’s pretty simple. Cena won the beat the clock thing to get here, and no one is surprised at all. In a rematch from two years ago, let’s do this. Cena runs to the ring which is kind of odd indeed. He gives his hat to his Marine co-star. Great way to get over with the kids there Johnny Boy. Orton comes out to a chorus of mostly boos. Why does the title graphic spin when the belt itself doesn’t?

My goodness I love the big fight introductions. They just work on all levels. After those, we get our recaps. Yeah that’s actually a bit better. It doesn’t waste as much time. They start off on the mat which actually goes pretty well. That’s something you rarely see from these two and while they’re hardly Kurt Angle, that was pretty good. Orton puts Cena down for awhile and when Cena is trying to get back up, it really looks like he’s trying to give Orton head through the tights.

I know that’s said a lot, but this is the closest it’s ever gotten. Orton takes FOREVER to drop a knee which looks like he’s going for a splash. It’s a new move, so of course it’s vintage. I have no problem when it’s actually a vintage move: HBK’s forearm, the facebuster by HHH, Old School etc. However, a move by Orton that he’s bene using for a few months at most? Give me a break. It’s a misuse of the word and insulting to my intelligence.

Cena hits You Can’t See Me, even though I can see him the entire time. This match is FLYING by. It feels like there was no intro or build and we’re already in the middle of it. That’s not good. FU doesn’t go and Orton hits a powerslam, called a scoop slam by Cole, to get back in control. They flat out say the WWE Title is the more valuable title. At least they admit it. Orton goes for the same knee and this time Cena gets out of the way. At least he’s intelligent.

I really don’t like this referee. He has that hitch in his count and it’s just aggravating. Orton hits that elevated DDT which I love as it’s a move that the ropes actually make better. Orton’s eyes really are great when he’s setting for the RKO. Facial expressions can make or break a match. Edge, Orton and Punk are some of the best there are at it. Punt misses and Cena hits the throwback. He hits the top rope legdrop about as well as he ever has, which is to say he actually connected with it.

Apparently Cena throwing his hands up and jumping up and down means FU now. It’s double clothesline time to make this a bit boring. Why is it only on a double clothesline that they’re devastating moves and not something that the guy pops up from? The fans seem confused as to who to cheer for. Orton shoves the referee, rolls to the floor and grabs his belt and leaves. Now we have where this match has been getting destroyed since Sunday.

I say that as Lillian is on screen making me think I should rephrase that, but at the same time maybe I shouldn’t. Within seconds, she’s received word from Vince…but she trails off. She then announces Orton as the new champion, when she was supposed to say still champion. That’s a major screw up and I think it’s because they blew the spot and tried to do too much at once.

Cole tries to cover as fast as he can, and NOW we get the orders right as Vince has said that if Orton gets disqualified Cena wins the belt. More on that later. So the match is restarted and Cena is dominating. Orton goes to the floor and asks for the belt, which is dropped at first, and then he walks to the back saying that he’s done.

Ok, now we’re restarting it AGAIN, and now if he gets counted out we have a new champion. Ok, how in the WORLD did she get word that fast? Both finishers are teased but Orton gets a roll up with his feet on the ropes to steal it.

OR DOES HE?

Another referee comes out and says that Orton has his feet on the ropes, so the original referee says this doesn’t count. Ok wait, back up. What about all the times when it’s said that the referee’s decision is final? If that’s the case, then one of two things should happen. #1, no match can end until the referee has had a chance to go back and rewatch the match, or #2, no decision is ever final since if the referee’s decision is final, then he could in theory go back and reverse it at anytime.

In other words, if the referee can reverse his own final decision, then couldn’t a referee go back and reverse something from years ago? If he has final say I don’t see why not. Guess what? It’s another restart. Best sign of the year: This is Why I Watch Smackdown. Preach it brother. STFU is put on and we get the rapidly becoming infamous moment as a “fan” (it’s Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett but that’s not revealed until tomorrow night) jumps into the ring.

Ok, reasons why this is clearly fake. #1, everything stops. In a real situation like this they just keep going. #2, they put the camera on the guy. That makes it fake as whenever this happens, the cameras go off and you can see the fans all watching the guy. #3, they talk about it. That NEVER happens.

#4, and most important of all, given the fact that the match has been restarted 3 times now, do you really expect this to be real? That was my biggest reason. It’s too unrealistic (and that’s saying a lot given this match) for it to have not been planned. Orton hits a quick RKO for the pin.

Rating: B-. For this rating, I’m factoring out all the insanity and I’ll explain why in just a second. Without all that stuff, this was a bad match. It was boring, it was very rushed, and it just wasn’t entertaining. However, I blame a lot of that on the booking, which is what killed this for me. The rating is fairly up there because a lot of the rhythm was taken away by stupid booking. Lillian messed up her lines, and that’s fine.

She had three freaking sets of them. This match suffered horribly from being overbooked. Why do you need the three restarts if you’re going to do the fan thing? Do one or the other, not four things. It’s too confusing, it takes too long, and it’s just freaking stupid by the end. The fan run in thing would have been fine and actually pretty creative if not for the other three restarts.

Why do you need to have so much stuff in the world title match? It makes things look silly to me and it just makes thing far more complicated than they need to be. The match was bad, but the grade will be high because I think a lot of what was bad was based on the booking of the match and not what the wrestlers were doing. In essence, they had to remember four finishes. That’s asking too much of any wrestler and I think it had a lot to do with them not being that on here.

We recap the Punk/Hardy feud, which has been AWESOME.

Smackdown World Title: CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy

This has been one of the best feuds in recent memory for a few reasons. One, it’s Punk at his best. Two, the clash is so natural that it’s great. Three, the matches have been great. It’s possible Hardy is done after this, so I’d expect a new champion. Punk lost the title to Hardy at Night of Champions in what I would call an odd choice after Punk delivered one of the best promos I’ve ever heard that had me cheering in my room.

Anyway, this is a TLC match, which actually plays into the two time MITB winner’s hands I’d think. Thankfully this has gone on last. Other than some lines from Ross about how Hardy is addicted to adrenaline, it’s a standard hard hitting spotfest that you’ve grown to know and accept in these places. Hardy has some mixed reactions here as I think it’s gotten out that he’s gone. Do announcers not pay attention?

Why are all ladders the biggest they’ve ever seen? Did you know Jeff is like smoke being poured through a keyhole? I’m not sure if you caught it the first 10,000 times Ross has said it. Yep and there it is the major spot, as Hardy, for about the fourth time in his career, goes to the huge ladder and hits the super swanton. Yeah it looks cool, but dang we’ve seen it way too many times. Why didn’t Punk move either?

He wasn’t tied down and it took Hardy longer than it takes him to smoke a bowl to get up there. More commentary problems as this is going on too. Hey, in case you didn’t see it, here’s 15 replays. Hardy is being taken out on a stretcher. I guess that’s how they’re ending him? Yeah that’s…different I guess. While this is happening, Punk starts climbing. Hardy pops up to go after him though.

I love the powers of recuperation that wrestlers have. Punk is hopping up the ladder and it’s just hysterical looking. He looks like a freaking rabbit. Hardy takes a straight fall down off the ladder as Punk takes the belt to end the show. Sweetness indeed. The announcers of course try to make this out to be completely epic. JR sounds like he’s ordering dinner. Way to show emotion there buddy. No wonder you’re in the Hall of Fame.

Before we go though, the gong rings. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams Punk, who is somehow STILL not being respected as champion. Yeah I don’t like this. Match was good though. Post match, a gong strikes. Taker pops up from under the ring and chokeslams the new champion to end the show.

Rating: A. This was a great match and a great way to end the show. It wasn’t complicated like the last show and to me shows why Smackdown is way ahead of Raw right now. This wasn’t all drama and over the top stuff. Sure it was a gimmick match, but it was about the match and not some big screwjob.

At the end of the day, the best way to get over and have a good match/feud is to have good action, not good stories. The last two matches are a classic example of that, and Smackdown did it right while Raw failed.

Overall Rating: A-. This was a VERY good show. It’s not great, but it’s close. The worst match of the night is Kane/Khali, but it’s at least watchable. They kept it short which was smart. The tag title wasn’t much but they kept JTG in there for the majority of the time which is certainly the right thing to do.

Other than that and the STUPID booking for the Raw title match, I really liked this show for one reason: it was about the in ring stuff. That’s the solution to any wrestling company’s problem. At the end of the day, have good matches and the fans will be happy. The matches were good and I’m very pleased with this show and it gets a big recommendation.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 16, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re past Hardcore Justice and for the most part things are the same. Aries is the world champion still and Roode has no rematch. The BFG Series is starting to wrap up with the finals being at the next PPV in the form of No Surrender. Tonight we have at least two BFG Series matches as most of the guys don’t have many matches left. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the end of the show last week with Aces and 8’s not attacking Ray. No mention of the PPV is made at all.

Here’s Aries to open the show. He spells and defines the word fluke which he says he’s proven wrong. The doubters can go fluk (I spelled that right) themselves because he’s now the face of this company. No one is going to tell him what to do or think and this company isn’t going to be held hostages. Aces and 8’s has always been near the world title but he’s going into BFG and keeping the title he walks in with.

This brings out Jeff Hardy who is limping. Jeff, who looks like a tire ran over his face, says he’ll win the Series. Hardy calls out Aces and 8’s but gets Bully Ray instead. He calls Hardy stupid and says Storm is behind Aces and 8’s. Ray references Matt Hardy but he didn’t realize Jeff was that stupid. He talks about how Hardy had Storm in trouble when Aces and 8’s came back. Ray got lucky and won the match, meaning he beat Jeff Hardy and that he’s going to BFG to win the title.

Aries disagrees and talks to Ray’s calves because that’s where the brains are. He says Ray isn’t going to win the title because Aries will be waiting at BFG. Aries suggests Ray is behind Aces and 8’s and the group pops up on the screen. The leader says they’re all about I think luck and commitment. He references Ray getting lucky at the PPV and says sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you get the Dead Man’s Hand. Tonight they’re going to make a big impact. Ray says it’s right in front of Aries’ and Hardy’s face and we cut to commercial in mid sentence. It’s very annoying when they do that.

Back with recaps of the three BFG Series matches on Sunday.

Bound For Glory Series Leaderboard

James Storm 66

Rob Van Dam 55

Samoa Joe 56

Kurt Angle 48

Bully Ray 48

Mr. Anderson 40

AJ Styles 36

Jeff Hardy 35

Christopher Daniels 33

Magnus 28

D’Angelo Dinero 7

Robbie E 5

Magnus talks about how he’s ready for Joe because he knows him better than anyone.

Bound For Glory Series: Samoa Joe vs. Magnus

Joe has three matches left and we’re not told how many the Brit has left. Joe quickly takes Magnus down but misses a backsplash. Magnus misses an elbow but ducks a kick. The idea is that they know each other so well that they keep countering each other. Joe can’t hook a Crossface so Magnus heads to the floor.

A HARD forearm puts Magnus down but he comes back with a kind of scoop brainbuster (think the Snow Plow but starting in a slam position instead of a suplex) for two. Joe takes him into the corner and kicks him in the head but can’t hit the MuscleBuster. Magnus’ middle rope elbow misses and he charges into the release Rock Bottom. The Clutch is escaped but Joe hooks an ugly looking La Majistral for the pin at 3:23.

Rating: C+. I was digging the idea here and Joe goes to second place again with the win. Magnus is fine in the jobber roll in the competition despite having a lot of points of his own. He needs something to do after the competition so hopefully he gets a feud soon. The match was short but they packed a lot into it which is a good idea.

Post match Magnus hits Joe with a chair but it seems to annoy him instead of hurt him.

Madison is summoned to the ring by Brooke Hogan.

Here’s Madison, the new Knockouts Champion, to the ring. With no Brooke here, Madison says we’re going to party tonight. She says there’s a strong referee behind every great woman, so here’s Earl Hebner. Here’s Brooke who says Madison has some shady stuff going on. Earl isn’t going to referee anymore Knockouts matches. Tessmacher gets her rematch tonight and there’s a female guest referee for later.

Madison yells and says this is typical Hogan, as in she’ll talk about everything but is no action. Brooke charges (well as fast as you can in a dress that short) but Madison runs. Aces and 8’s pop up behind Brooke but the locker room empties out to chase them off. Storm comes in behind them after Aces and 8’s are out and we take another abrupt break.

Post break Sting, Angle, Aries and Hardy are in the ring with Sting going on a rant against Aces and 8’s. Next week on Open Fight Night, it’s on at the top of the show.

Kaz and Daniels are apparently in the new issue of Amazing Spider-Man. Kaz says that the Phenomenal Fetus won’t be Amazing. I have to pause for a second to appreciate how awesome of a line that was. Anyway AJ pops up and says if he loses to Daniels tonight, he’ll accept being the father. If he wins though, there’s a paternity test. Kaz: “HE’S GOING MAURY POVITCH ON US!”

Bound For Glory Series: AJ Styles vs. Christopher Daniels

Kaz is ejected before the match. They quickly head to the floor and back inside, Daniels tries a rollup with feet on the ropes but gets caught. AJ punches him down and then sends him into a few corners to take over. Styles beats Daniels up for a bit, hitting a BIG backdrop to make Daniels beg off. A clothesline puts Daniels down for two.

We take a break and come back with AJ escaping a headlock and hitting the drop down/kick for two. AJ puts Daniels in a bridging Indian Deathlock and then off to a half crab. Back to the Deathlock but Daniels bites the fingers to get out of it. That’s a smart move if nothing else. Styles gets hot shotted and Daniels hits kind of a clothesline to the back of his head for two. A back suplex gets two as well. Daniels hits a kind of Eye of the Hurricane for two before trying again with his feet on the ropes.

Styles is thrown to the floor as we’re getting close to a time limit here. Daniels knocks him into the barricade in an attempt at getting a countout but AJ comes back in with a sunset flip but he can’t roll through it into the Clash. Daniels tries a standing Koji Clutch and AJ is in trouble. It breaks down into a regular Clutch but Daniels lets it go for some reason. A suplex gets two and we have two minutes left. Daniels pounds away in the corner but AJ comes out with a running layout powerbomb.

Both guys are down but AJ gets up first, hitting the springboard forearm. A gutbuster and clothesline get two as we have less than thirty seconds. AJ neckbreakers him down but Daniels gets his foot on the rope. No mention has been made yet of the time limit as they slug it out. AJ is sent to the floor as we pass fifteen minutes. They trade places and AJ hits his flip dive over the top to the floor to take Daniels out. AJ gets back in as Kaz comes to ringside. They try the Ultimate Warrior at Mania 5 ending and it works, but the referee sees Kaz and waves it off. AJ Pele’s Daniels for the pin at 16:58.

Rating: B-. This was one of their better matches but the time limit thing bugs me. I know that it’s something petty and stupid, but if you say the match is going to last fifteen minutes, then have it last fifteen minutes. The ending was fine as the Pele is good for a secondary finisher for Styles. Good match here.

Hulk is on the phone and says he’ll be here next week because if we don’t fight, they die. They’re going old school next week.

Hardy confronts Storm about Aces and 8’s. Storm says he’ll be there to fight next week and he’ll be at ringside for the main event too.

Here’s Roode to discuss the main event from Sunday. He talks about how he underestimated Aries but there were some shenanigans that cost him the belt. Roode says he should be world champion but due to people like Aries, the referees, Sting and the fans here, he isn’t. Now he’s faced with the question of “what now”. Roode stutters a bit before dropping the mic and walking away.

Next week’s Gut Check guy talks about his brother getting him into wrestling and then getting shot and killed. His name is never given here so I have no idea what to call him.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Miss Tessmacher

The guest referee is Taryn Terrell, more famous as Tiffany in WWE. The best part: Brooke kneels down for no apparent reason as Tiffany is coming out and falls down. Madison chokes a lot so Tiffany yells at her. Tessmacher gets thrown around but grabs a rollup for two. She misses a charges in the corner and gets rolled up herself but Madison’s tights grabbing is caught. Tiffany and Madison argue a bit more until Tessmacher grabs Madison and hits her release mat slam from behind for the pin and the title at 3:55. What in the world was the point in changing the title in the first place?

Rating: D. The match was mainly Tiffany and Madison arguing so the match didn’t do anything. What in the world was the point of this? They mentioned Tiffany being in the new movie The Campaign but it was mentioned so quickly that a lot of people probably didn’t hear it. This was nothing at all and didn’t do anything for anyone.

Aces and 8’s say they’ll be here next week when the clock strikes 8. They have more business tonight though.

Bound For Glory Series: Jeff Hardy vs. Bully Ray

Before anything of note happens, here’s Storm. Ray goes to the floor and shoves him but Jeff hits a baseball slide to take ray out before anything can happen. We take a break and come back with Ray getting two off something we didn’t see. An elbow drop gets two for Ray and it’s off to a chinlock. An overhead suplex gets two for Ray but he misses a splash.

Hardy makes his comeback and hits the legdrop between the legs for two before walking into a side slam for two for Ray. Bully Bomb is broken up and Jeff hits the slingshot dropkick in the corner. The Swanton only gets two and Ray heads to the floor. Hardy dives over the top but hits Storm by mistake. Back in and Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind to put both guys down. Aces and 8’s run in but Sting and Angle make the save before any contact is made. Twisting Stunner gets the pin for Hardy at 10:50.

Rating: C+. This is one of those pairings that is hard to screw up due to the familiarity these two have with each other. Hardy is near the top four now but I don’t think he’s quite in it. Ray looked ifne after the possible arm injury from Sunday which is a good thing. Aces and 8’s didn’t mean much here but I think that was the point.

Post match Ray hits Hardy and then yells at Storm, drawing the Cowboy in. Storm superkicks Hardy by mistake and here are Aces and 8’s again. They applaud Storm before taking his head off. Storm gets beaten down as we go off the air.

Overall Rating: C. This was really a placeholder until next week with the big showdown with Aces and 8’s. The more I think about it, the more it looks like Hogan is a candidate. We never saw him get beaten down, the group never attacked Brooke when they had the chance, he’s coming back right in time for the big fight, and he could be jealous of Sting for the attention he got at Slammiversary. There are a lot of candidates for who the boss could be and the more I hear of them, the more I don’t like. The show overall was decent tonight but it felt like it was a building show for next week, which is ok.

Results

Samoa Joe b. Magnus – La Majistral

AJ Styles b. Christopher Daniels – Pele

Miss Tessmacher b. Madison Rayne – Tess Shocker

Jeff Hardy b. Bully Ray – Twist of Fate

 

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