ECW on Sci-Fi – June 27, 2006: This Looks Very Familiar

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 27, 2006
Location: Roanoke Civic Center, Roanoke, Virginia
Commentators: Joey Styles, Tazz

We’re back with the third episode here and the main event here is Angle vs. RVD in what’s probably going to get a majority of this show. Vengeance has passed and RVD is still world champion. Something major would happen between the end of tonight’s show and the beginning of next week’s though, but we’ll get to that later. Let’s get to it.

We immediately begin with a match.

Roadkill vs. Sabu

Roadkill is a big Amish guy known as the Angry Amish Chicken Plucker. This is Extreme Rules. Sabu tries a very quick camel clutch but Roadkill gets to the rope before it’s on. Jumping DDT takes Roadkill down and it’s chair time. He loads up the Triple Jump Moonsault but Roadkill slams Sabu’s head into the chair. Neckbreaker gets two. Roadkill goes for a table but Sabu uses the chair as a springboard to dive over the top to take Roadkill down, landing on his head in the process.

Bossman Slam and a Vader Bomb Elbow get two for Roadie. Sabu is put on the table but Roadie goes up, allowing Sabu to pelt the chair at Roadkill’s balls. Top rope rana gets two. Now he pelts the chair at Roadkill’s head and the Arabian Facebuster puts Roadie through the table. Camel Clutch looks to finish but Sabu hits him with a chair a few more times first, then finishes with the Clutch.

Rating: C+. At the end of the day, this is what ECW is all about so having at least some of this on each show was a requirement at the beginning. Also having ECW guys on the show was a good idea as they were at least looking like ECW before they changed everything up and made it into WWE 3.

Kevin Thorn is still outside.

Here’s Dreamer who calls out Big Show to give him another beating. Seriously, he thanks Show for the beating and asks for another, ala the cane shots from Sandman WAY back in the day. Just like last week, it’s not a match but rather just a beating by Big Show. I’m not sure what else to say about this.

Mike Knox (not yet named) looks at Kelly’s chest and says it’s only for him. She’ll be in his corner tonight.

Angle says that he hates himself for not being champion. If he wins tonight, he gets a title shot at SNME. Failure is not an option when your name is Kurt Angle.

Danny Doring vs. Mike Knox

Doring fires off some right hands but Knox hits a Sky High for two. Some fan calls Kelly over to strip for him so Knox kills him. He sends Kelly to the back, kicks Doring’s head off and gets the pin with a spinning Downward Spiral. Total squash.

Test is still coming.

We recap what we saw 90 seconds ago with Knox and the fan.

Kelly dances to the same song from last week and Knox stops her from revealing too much. Ok then. This takes like three minutes. When you have an hour long show, that’s WAY too long.

Here’s Big Dick Johnson as Fat Ugly Male Stripper to get beaten up by Sandman. It’s nonsense like this that made people hate this show.

Heyman explains triple threats to RVD. If Angle wins tonight, it’s a fatal fourway at SNME. RVD says it’s ok because he’s been smoking lately. He meant that literally I think.

Edge and Lita show up and throw out some fans.

After a break, Tazz talks to Edge who says he’ll win the title because he’s the Whole F’N Show. That triple threat would be moved to Raw I believe.

Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam

This is non-title. Angle takes him to the mat almost immediately and the fans sound like they want Cena. They slug it out in the corner and Rob hits his rolling monkey flip. Rob grabs a front facelock and off to the windmill kick. He goes up top but Kurt shoves him off the top and into the barricade as we take a break. Back with Kurt holding a chinlock. Off to a body scissors as this has been all Kurt since the break.

Rob fights up but Kurt snaps off a German and it’s back to the chinlock. Van Dam fights out again and hits a spinwheel kick off the ropes to put both guys down. A springboard kick takes Kurt down but Kurt immediately grabs his legs and drives Rob into the corner. A big suplex counters a kick and gets two. Angle Slam is countered but Kurt rolls through into a failed ankle lock attempt.

Another German hits but is the release version this time. Now it’s the ankle lock but Rob rolls through very quickly and superkicks Kurt down for a delayed two. The top rope kick is caught in the ankle lock but he makes the rope and throws Kurt to the floor. Back in a slingshot legdrop gets two. Small package gets two for Kurt. Rob kicks him down but misses Rolling Thunder and the ankle lock is attempted again. Van Dam kicks him off and hits the Split Legged Moonsault for two. Rob kicks him down and goes up but gets suplexed down for two. Slam is countered by a tornado DDT and the Five Star gets the clean pin.

Rating: B. My goodness it was a clean pin. That’s something you never see in a big match anymore so it was a nice thing to see here. Putting Rob over the big deal that came to ECW is a good thing, as it says that while Angle is the new monster, RVD is still the champion. Good match with Van Dam using the one weapon he had that worked until he could splash him for the pin.

Edge spears Rob to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. So let’s see: Sabu squash, Kelly dances and gets covered up, Sandman beats up a comedy character, WWE guys end the show. This sounds very familiar and that’s not a good sign. However next week everything would change as Rob and Sabu would get arrested for drug possession and Van Dam would drop both titles. Also a new guy would debut that I think you might have heard of.

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Wrestlemania #15: Should It Have Been Vince Vs. Austin?

Rock was a big deal, but should he have been here?Rock wasn’t quite a superstar yet but he was almost there.  That being said, should Vince, Austin’s archnemesis, have been in the main event against him?  Assume that match doesn’t happen at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, should Vince vs. Austin have been the main event here?

 

I think there’s a very good case to be made for it.  This was without a doubt the feud for the company at this point and I think you could make a very solid argument to put them out there.  Vince could have decent matches when he wanted to and I don’t think you could argue that there wasn’t anything bigger as far as feuds go.

 

Should it have been Vince vs. Austin for the title?




Wrestlemania Count-Up – #15: Russo. It’s All Russo.

Wrestlemania 15
Date: March 28, 1999
Location: First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 20,276
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler
America the Beautiful: Boyz 2 Men
This show is dripping with Russo here although his time was ending rapidly with he and Ferrara being gone in less than 7 months. All along, this was the main event we knew was coming one day and it was finally here: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship in the main event of Wrestlemania. Seriously, how awesome does that sound? While that match really was great, the rest of the card more or less sucks. Russo’s stuff was controversial, but at the same time it made little sense and made for some bad matches. This show may have been ok at the time, but the age hasn’t been kind to it. Let’s get to it.
Boyz 2 Men sing America the Beautiful and do a great job at it.To begin with, we get an amazing voice over from Freddie Blassie. Go find this and appreciate it. His voice is just perfect for something like this. He talks about how these moments are what define our lives and are so rare. I love these packages as they make you feel like this is the biggest night of your life. As Blassie says, “Welcome to Wrestlemania, the Showcase of the Immortals.”
After that, we get the writing of Vince Russo shoved down our throats.
Hardcore Title: Billy Gunn vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Al Snow

See, this right here is what makes no sense. Billy had been going after the IC title for months. Ok, that’s all well and good. His partner the Road Dogg had been going after the Hardcore title for months. Again, that’s fine with me. So what would be the logical move? Clearly, to have Road Dogg win the IC title and Billy win the Hardcore title!That’s the problem I have with Russo: he makes swerves for the sake of making swerves. There was no logic or reasoning at all to do this. Billy wasn’t a hardcore wrestler but his partner was. Why not put three hardcore wrestlers into a hardcore match for the hardcore title? Doesn’t that make sense on paper at least? Not in Russo’s mind apparently.

Gunn is over here and has the title. Billy tries to talk and Snow jumps him like a good man would. Holly in black tights and black boots is a weird look for some reason. Snow takes over and kicks both guys a lot. Al sends Hardcore into the Spanish Announce Table. Billy tries to jump in but Snow/Holly are like boy please and throw him into the steps so they can keep fighting.

We talk about the Big Show Paul Wight for a bit. Snow busts out a hockey stick and hammers away on both guys so we get a Let’s Go Flyers chant. There’s a broom as this is sloppy even by Hardcore Title match standards. Snow goes ninja on us after breaking the broom handle. This has more or less been Snow vs. Holly with Gunn not leaving them alone.

Gunn tries to get in there again and Snow beats the heck out of him for it. Chair time and it’s all the real hardcore guys here. The champion finally does something but then gets drilled in the face by Head to take him down. Snow brings in a table and of course goes through it himself at the hands of Billy. Fameasser onto the chair to Snow but Holly drills Gunn with the chair to get the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. The booking made no sense at all. Why have Gunn in there? Seriously, he hasn’t ever done anything hardcore in his life except hardcore drugs. This led to Holly and Snow’s wars over the title in the upcoming months before the 24/7 rule came into play. Nothing worth watching that wasn’t done 100x better later on. Not terrible though, although an odd choice for an opener.

We recap the battle royal on Heat where the final two people got a tag title match. Yes this is how weak the tag division was. See how glad they were to see the Dudleys in about 8 months? Was there a reason why Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett were tag champions? What did they have in common other than a bad haircut?

Tag Titles: Owen Hart/Jeff Jarrett vs. D’lo Brown/Test

D’lo has Ivory, the forgotten diva, with him for this. At the time Test is the hired gun of the Corporation. Debra comes to the ring in a jacket and bikini. Never once have I thought she was attractive. The name puppies doesn’t exist yet but Lawler is looking for it. How in the world did Test get such a huge push later in the year?

Test and Brown start arguing before the champions get to the ring. Test and Jarrett to start but then it’s off to Brown. Off to Test vs. Owen now and a diving powerbomb gets no cover. Pumphandle is blocked and there’s an enziguri. Sharpshooter is broken up as the crowd is dead. Debra interferes and the champions take over for a bit.

D’lo fights them off and gets two on Jarrett. Everything breaks down and Debra tries to seduce Brown. Ivory vs. Debra on the floor as Teri comes out. Owen gets a top rope kick to Brown and Jarrett gets a rollup for the pin. Thank goodness this is over quickly.

Rating: F+. This was a waste of time and not even fun to watch. Not off to a good start here at all. This was less than 5 minutes long. Seriously, was the tag division this pathetic? There were actual tag teams in the battle royal and this is the best we could get? Obviously Test and Brown never teamed again. Stupid all around.

The team known as PMS is out there arguing with Test. Yep it went nowhere. Test and Brown fight for no apparent reason.

And now we have one of the worst ideas in the history of the wrestling business: a Brawl for All match. Let me break this down for you. Brawl for All was more or less UFC meeting wrestling meeting boxing. It was three rounds per fight, a legit fight, and you could use takedowns or punches. Let me reemphasize something: this was legit. That was the biggest problem. Bart Gunn of all people won the tournament.

Who in the world was Bart Gunn you rookies ask? That is the problem. No one knew who he was and he did nothing after this. The idea was to let a guy named Dr. Death Steve Williams win this and get a huge push. The problem was, Bart Gunn had an insane left hook and he knocked Williams out cold. So of course, since he’s the toughest fighter in the company, WWF thought it was a good idea to have him fight a real boxer. Enter Butterbean, a 400lb fighter that hardly ever lost. This was also a legit fight.

Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean

We get a bad promo from Gunn who proves why he should never get a mic. We have guest judges for this. There’s a no name boxing champion that serves as referee. The guests judges are: Kevin Rooney, who is Mike Tyson’s trainer, Chuck Wepner, who was the inspiration for Rocky and wrestled Andre the Giant, and Gorilla Monsoon who really looks bad here as he would be dead within a few months. Nice ovation for him though.

This is an assault. It lasts about forty seconds and Butterbean shows why he’s a professional fighter. Two big right hands and Bart is out cold. Did WWF really expect something else to happen? We get a ton of replays to desperately fill in the time that didn’t use.

Rating: F. This did nothing but show that real sports like boxing have tougher guys in it. Total waste of time that did nothing at all. Get it through your head wrestling people: WRESTLING AND UFC DO NOT MIX!

For some reason, the San Diego Chicken runs out. Why? I don’t know. We’re in Philadelphia, not San Diego. The boxing referee knocks him out cold with an uppercut that would have hit the costume and not the person but he goes down anyway of course. You have to love wrestling.
Show and Mankind had a fight earlier today.

Foley says that he’s done everything asked of him and yet he’s still got another match tonight with a big challenge. He doesn’t mind.

Big Show vs. Mankind

The winner here is the guest referee for the main event. Ok, now the story on this one is complicated. This was in the middle of the huge conspiracy angle between Austin and McMahon. A year ago, Steve Austin won the WWF Title from Shawn Michaels. The next night on Raw, Austin stunned Vince, saying he wouldn’t do things Vince’s way.

This set off a two year plus feud between the two with Vince becoming desperate to get the title off of Austin. Vince threw opponent after opponent at him but Austin fought them all off. Over the summer, Taker and Kane started having weird interactions that led people to believe that they were working together to help Vince. While both denied it, they were seen together or with other members of the Corporation, which was Vince’s team.

Eventually, Austin beat them both but was finally put into a “triple threat” match with them in which both pinned him at the same time. This eventually resulted in Austin being fired but holding McMahon at gunpoint the next night. That led to the Deadly Game Tournament at Survivor Series which ended with Rock joining McMahon and becoming the Corporate Champion.

McMahon went on to win the 1999 Royal Rumble to keep Austin out of Wrestlemania. McMahon said he forfeited his spot, which was awarded to Austin. Austin had to defend his shot against Vince in a cage match at an In Your House in a cage match, where Big Show debuted and cost Vince the match by mistake.

This whole time though, Mankind had tried to get on McMahon’s good side but Vince kept taking advantage of him. Mankind wanted to be involved in the main event at Mania but Vince kept throwing him into unwinnable matches that he continued to win. Finally Vince said he could be part of the match, playing the role of guest referee if he beat an opponent at Wrestlemania.

Oh hey there’s a match here. Mankind has a referee shirt on and fires away to start. And there’s a boot to take care of that offensive streak. They hit the floor and Foley can’t get a double arm DDT out there. All Show here for the most part as he hits a Russian Leg Sweep to put Foley down again. Mankind manages to fight back and sends Show over the ropes.

There’s Socko but Show fights him off. Ok no he doesn’t as the hold is on again. Dang it make up your mind! We’re at the third Claw in like a minute. For some reason Mankind gets behind Show as the fans chant Foley. Show is able to get up and drop backwards onto Foley to break the hold in a nice counter. The replay shows how awesome that really was.

We head to the floor with Show in total control. There’s a chair shot to the back of Mankind and that’s ok apparently. Two chairs and the two guys go back in there. Foley is holding his ribs here due to reasons of extreme pain. Show sets up both chairs and chokeslams Foley through them, as in I don’t think they hit his back at all. Foley is the referee for the main event.

Rating: C-. Considering who you have out there, this is a pretty decent match. I’ve never liked the ending though, but that comes into play later on in the show. Good effort helps this match a lot. That bump from Foley where Show fell on him was absolutely great. This was designed to get us to the end of the show and I think it worked ok.

Post match Vince comes out and isn’t happy. For some reason he’s on a mic and we can hear him perfectly fine. Show gets all ticked off at him and picks him up for a chokeslam but sits him down. Vince, ever the genius, keeps mouthing off to him and slaps him. Show knocks his block off and turns face. This would result in the formation of the Union and Vince still being a face for a total of a month before Vince was revealed as the Higher Power in an incredible moment.

Mankind is taken out on a stretcher and likely won’t be able to referee tonight.

In the back, Patterson and Brisco try to get Vince back together, making him feel better by saying Mankind is in no condition to referee. Apparently he wants Show arrested.

Intercontinental Title: Road Dogg vs. Goldust vs. Ken Shamrock vs. Val Venis

Again, what in the heck is this? What logic does this have to it? These four actually had something close to a story if you can believe that. Road Dogg does his pre match thing that is so over it’s scary. Why is it scary? He calls himself the IC Champion of the world and gets a pop.

Oh yes the story. Ok so Shamrock and Venis, the former champion, were feuding for the title but the fans weren’t getting into it. What’s the solution? Add in Billy Gunn. Alright I guess that works. Three way feuds are hard to pull off but they can work. So what’s the end result of this? Give the title to Road Dogg of course. Why do that? I don’t know, they just did it. So ok, we have Billy Gunn leaving the feud to go for the hardcore title as we discussed earlier, leaving us with Shamrock vs. Venis vs. Road Dogg. Alright I guess that can work.

BUT WAIT!!!

Enter Ken Shamrock’s so hot it’s mind blowing sister Ryan (yes Ryan.) She sides with Goldust of all people after making a “special” movie with Val Venis, so Shamrock has a problem with them too. Goldust wants the IC Title, so we’ve got a fourway feud where the champion is holding onto the title for his tag partner as two of the guys feud over a sister who is hot but has a man’s name but made amovie with the former champion.

So did you get all that? Actually, when you look at Ryan up close, she’s not as hot as I remember. Her eyes are just absolutely creepy looking. If you avoid those, amazing though. This has elimination rules of course, as one fall simply wouldn’t be enough, but only two in the ring at once with the others having to be tagged in. You know, when Road Dogg was being normal and didn’t have Billy around, he wasn’t bad at all.

Ryan comes out with Goldust and the Blue Meanie because it would tick of Ken the most. The line that Road Dogg is the only one that doesn’t have history with Ryan is funny. Shamrock sends Road Dogg into the corner as they’re the official starters here. Why would you want to come in if it’s last man standing? Lawler talking about the steamy night in which Pat Patterson won the IC Title in Rio is great.

Val stomps away at Ken as it’s Val vs. Goldust at the moment. Curtain Call is countered and a spinebuster from Val gets two on Goldust. Val reverses a middle rope suplex into a bulldog for two. Fisherman’s Suplex gets two as well. They collide in the corner and Val does Sting’s fall into the crotch spot. Shamrock gets a DDT on Goldust and Road Dogg puts Val down so they’re both down.

Goldust gets the cover for a very long two. Off to Roadie vs. Val now and Road Dogg chops away which gets WOO every time. The dancing punch puts down Val. Make that it puts down everyone. Shaking kneedrop to Shamrock but Val suplexes Roadie for two. Lot of kickouts in there. Pumphandle puts down Val and Ken grabs the ankle lock on Val who makes the rope. This would be a lot more interesting if this was one fall.

Ken is sent to the floor and Ryan yells at him. Val hits a baseball slide into the back of Ken and now they fight up the aisle. Yep it’s a double countout for those two. Down to Goldust vs. Road Dogg now. That’s rather cheap and we needed to do one fall as you can tell. Shamrock hits a belly to belly on both guys and we’re at another count. Ryan trips Goldust, turning on him for zero reason at all and Roadie gets a rollup to end it.

Rating: D. Storylines aside, the wrestling here wasn’t bad. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. However, the booking was just mind numbingly stupid. What was the reasoning behind Dogg and Goldust for the title? Simply put: there isn’t any. Road Dogg absolutely steals the show here, and that can’t be a good sign. I have no idea how the title fell this far this fast but it’s amazing to think that it did. Jericho, Benoit and Angle were coming though.

Show is arrested in the back and cracks jokes of course.

Time to recap HHH vs. Kane. Ok, yet again, we have a complicated backstory. Chyna was part of DX which had HHH as the leader in the role of the incredibly popular midcarder that was just waiting for his chance to break through to the main event, kind of like Jeff Hardy a year and a half ago. Kane was part of the Corporation but was over, and Chyna betrayed DX to join the Corporation.

Kane and HHH had a match on Raw where Chyna held HHH for a fireball from Kane. HHH ducks and Chyna’s eye is damaged, causing Kane to pick her up and carry her to the back, drawing cheers to the heel carrying the still popular heel. 2 weeks after that, HHH dressed up as Goldust and launched a flamethrower at Kane, burning him again. That brings us here. This is at the point where Kane is starting to seem human, but still is partially a total monster. Apparently he has a crush on Chyna though.

HHH vs. Kane

Pre match the San Diego Chicken runs back out and is unmasked as Pete Rose. Yep it’s another tombstone for him. What a great tradition that is. HHH’s music hits but he sneaks through the crowd and hits Kane low to start us off. He still throws the swinging uppercuts which were always a little weird. HHH should go back to the long tights. They suit him better to me.

Kane charges but HHH backdrops him to the floor. HHH sends him into the steps as HHH is showing a lot of uncharacteristic power. The leaping knee keeps Kane outside the ring and we’re back on the floor again. We finally get back in the ring and then Kane throws the future Game right back to the floor. He grabs a chokeslam but drops HHH balls first onto the railing.

The Mean Street Posse is at ringside as HHH’s back is rammed into the post multiple times. Leg drop gets two for Kane. HHH gets a boot up in the corner but now we’re going back to the floor one more time. Kane DIVES over the top to crush HHH. Nice one too. Back in and Kane can’t hit the top rope clothesline. HHH hammers away and a facecrusher has Kane in some trouble. A jumping knee to the head does put him down.

And here’s Chyna as we get to the point of this match. Remember she turned on HHH to join the Corporation and in theory Kane. Pedigree is countered and both guys are down. Chyna slides the steps into the ring but HHH kicks them into Kane’s face. Drop toehold puts Kane into them as the referee is like screw it.

Out to the floor again and another Pedigree is countered. Back in the ring and Kane hits the chokeslam but Chyna has a chair. She wants to get the big shot in on HHH and of course she turns on Kane, hitting him with the chair for the DQ. HHH pops him with the chair to save her so we get the big emotional reuniting after the two weeks apart.

Rating: D+. WAY too much brawling on the floor and the ending was stupid given what was coming in about 20 minutes. This was basically HHH trying to hit the Pedigree for 10 minutes and then the Chyna stuff. These two would get a bit better over the next year but still this was pretty weak.

As you can guess, Vince declares himself the referee for that night.

Women’s Title: Sable vs. Tori

Now this isn’t Torrie Wilson, but Tori, a woman that did almost nothing at all in her whole career yet never got fired. Sable is in the middle of her heel run here that absolutely couldn’t have been much worse. Basically she thinks she’s the hottest thing ever and is better than everyone else. Oh and she’s in Playboy. Tori had just gotten done with the same angle that Mickie and Trish had a few years back with Tori being the psycho stalker. Let’s make this quick please? Tori’s outfit is um, different.

Tori is in some freaky looking full body suit and this is her debut. Oh dear. Sable dances a lot while Tori can’t get in the ring. She gets in and then is tossed around a bit. It’s clear that neither have a clue what they’re doing. Sable tries a cross body from the apron which is more like a knee to the face. There’s no point in me telling you what’s going on for the most part as a lot of it is so bad you can’t tell what they’re even trying to do.

They try, and that’s the most important word here, a bridge into a backslide and I’m counting three different botches in it. As in they botch, fix it, then botch again. Three different botches. That’s bad. Like, very bad. Ref is bumped. They botch the Sable Bomb as Tori winds up sitting up. Nicole Bass runs in early so she has to hide at ringside. She comes in to save Sable and the Bomb ends it. Thank goodness.

Rating: F. This is one of the worst matches I’ve ever seen. Also do we have proof that Bass was born a female?

We recap Shane winning the European Title in a total fluke. This started the Mean Street Posse I think. It really was funnier on the second look through. That sets up Pac vs. Shane in a Greenwich street fight where the Posse helped Shane win. The rematch is tonight.

DX says they’re stronger than ever. X-Pac says the great line of Shane, get ready for some pain. And remember: DX is UNITED!!!

European Title: Shane McMahon vs. X-Pac

Shane won the title in a tag match on Raw a few weeks ago after X-Pac got beaten down and Shane fell on him for the pin. If DX is united, why does X-Pac get attacked by the Stooges since he’s on his own coming to the ring? GREAT logic there. Test is with Shane as the backup I guess. They try to play up the culture war here which is kind of funny to put it mildly.

No contact yet as Shane runs. They head into the ring where Pac kicks Shane’s head off and hammers away. Test pulls Shane out of the way of a Bronco Buster. We hit the floor again and Test grabs X-Pac and crotches him on the post. Shane gets him down and sets for the Corporate Elbow but Pac gets out of the way. Another low blow by Shane and he gets his hands on Test’s belt to whip away at Pac’s back.

X-Pac manages to get a backdrop to send Shane to the floor and get some relief. Pac dives down on him but the Posse grabs him to break the momentum. Great to see that UNITED DX right? The help from Shane’s friends including a beatdown from Test sets up Shane on offense again.

Back in the ring with Shane getting crotched on the top rope. A superplex gets two and Test accidentally rams himself into the steps. Pac gets the belt and slaps away at Shane which for some reason drawing WOOs from the crowd. There’s the Bronco Buster but Test drills Pac with the European Title to kill him dead. That gets two and the fans ROAR.

Shane sets Pac up for a Bronco Buster but X-Pac avoids it again. Test comes in and shouts OH CRAP as Pac takes him down. Back to Pac whipping the Corporation as he gets Test in position for a Bronco Buster. HHH and Chyna are here and HHH pulls Test out of the ring.

X-Factor to Shane kills him dead, but as Chyna distracts the referee, HHH turns on X-Pac and in turn joins the Corporation by hitting Pac with a Pedigree and putting Shane on top for the pin. Yes, within two weeks Chyna had turned heel to join the Corporation then 20 minutes earlier Chyna turned face again then now HHH turned heel and joined the Corporation. This was a very confusing year.

Rating: C+. Well let’s see. The drama was there and considering it was Shane in there as a guy that wrestles maybe three real matches a year, this was pretty good for what it was. Not a great match or anything but the crowd was way into the kickouts and the turn at the end was shocking. It made little sense but it was in fact shocking.

HHH and Test beat down X-Pac post match. The Outlaws run out for the save but get beaten down too. It might have helped if Billy hadn’t literally slid across the ring. Kane makes the final save, apparently turning face in the process. So let me see if I’ve got this straight. Kane and Chyna came into the show as heels and HHH as a face. At the end of the show Chyna and HHH were heels and Kane was a face. Somehow in there Chyna turned twice. This was typical for the Attitude Era. You really did need a scorecard to keep track of things around this time.

Time to recap Bossman vs. Undertaker. Some of this stuff goes past Mania but for the sake of this it’s ok I think. Ok. This match and this angle right here sums up the entire Attitude Era and Vince Russo’s booking style. Here’s what’s going on. Taker is fed up with Vince ordering him around and says that he owns Vince’s soul. He starts abducting and crucifying Shane and other Vince associates as a sacrifice to the so called Greater Power.

Eventually, he has Stephanie’s (yet to debut mind you) teddy bear and lights it on fire, showing Vince that not even his home is safe. Taker’s symbol is burned on Vince’s lawn to show the same idea. Now a month after this at Backlash, Stephanie was kidnapped by Taker and the Ministry, being “sacrificed” that night. Taker said he would release her in exchange for ownership of the WWF.

Vince tries to go through with it but Taker instead goes to the ring for a “wedding” with Stephanie, but Austin makes the save. Later, the Corporation and the Ministry merge on the first Smackdown special. Vince forms the Union with himself, Mankind, Show, Shamrock and Test for four weeks. On the fourth Monday of their existence, Mankind went out of action with an injury and the Higher Power arrived.

He was covered in this cloak and Vince pops up on the screen, saying he wants to see this bastard’s face. They pull the hood back and Vince is the Higher Power. The terrorizing of his family, the abduction of his daughter, the injuries to himself, the absolute insanity were all just to get the WWF Title off of Steve Austin and Vince was in on it the whole time. That my friends, is what defines the Attitude Era: over the top angles, betrayals left and right, and one guy being in on something all along.

Where was I? Oh yes, Hell in a Cell. Bossman was the head of security of the Corporation at the time so he was handpicked to take on Taker in this match. Think about this: these two in the Cell? Following the other PPV matches in this structure of Mankind/Taker and Taker/HBK, on a scale of 1-10 how bad is this going to be? Start counting backwards. When you get to the end of the match, you’ll be close.

Undertaker vs. Big Boss Man

The only good thing here is that Taker’s music is straight up awesome. No entrance for Boss Man if that gives you an idea of how much of a chance he has here. They stare it down to start as we talk about the other great matches that Taker had in the Cell. Boss Man hammers away in the corner to start as the announcers try to tell us this is Boss Man’s environment. That’s just amusing.

So far it’s a wrestling match in the Cell. If you’re going to have a Cell match, MAKE IT VIOLENT! Boss Man gets a swinging neckbreaker inside a Hell in a Cell match. I give up. Boss Man knocks him down, Taker sits up, Boss Man knocks him down again, Boss Man says GET UP, Taker sits up. We go to the floor as this is two minutes in and I’m bored out of my mind already.

Taker beats on Boss Man on the floor but Boss Man finds some cuffs and attaches him to the Cell. With Taker stuck to the cage, Boss Man finds the nightstick so Taker tries to kick it away. Yep that doesn’t work so Boss Man hits him in the head with the stick. Taker falls to the ground and it breaks the cuffs. Must not have been made in America.

Blood on Taker’s head now. The referee yells at them. Uh, for what? Taker grabs Boss Man by the throat and throws him face first into the Cell. The Cell moves when Boss Man is rammed into it. Also Taker is fine after being hit in the head by a freaking nightstick. Taker finds a chair under the ring while Paul Bearer talks trash. Big chair shot as somehow we’re over halfway done with this.

Taker is back in the ring now while the fans are chanting something. Some idiot fan decides he just HAS to stand up and look at the camera so that everyone sees him and not the match. Nice guy isn’t he? Boss Man is bleeding now too. Back in the ring now and Taker hits a flying clothesline for two.

Taker sets for Old School but Boss Man kicks the ropes to crotch Taker. Cole: “Boss Man kicked the rope and Undertaker felt it.” You can’t buy insight like that people! They slug it out and we go WAY wide for some reason. As in you can see either end of the arena and the Cell is in the middle. Random but whatever.

Boss Man puts Taker down with a headbutt but Taker almost gets a Tombstone. That’s blocked but the second attempt at it isn’t. Boss Man is of course dead and we have a Cell match that lasted less than ten minutes in total. Why in the world did this happen again? Oh yeah so we could do the post match thing.

Rating: H. As in holy goodness why was this a Cell match? They managed to ruin what is supposed to be the easiest match in the world. This was less than ten minutes long and totally boring. No one bought Boss Man as a legit threat here and it sucked beyond belief. Terrible match and one of the biggest WTF moments in WWF history.

Post match the Brood (Edge, Christian and Gangrel) comes down from the ceiling and breaks into the Cell with a rope and noose. Bearer raises the Cell so Boss Man is then hung from the Cell and just stays there. Great indeed.

Hey, while a man who was hung from a Cell by his neck stops struggling, let’s talk about the RAGE PARTY! Yeah it’s stupid.

We recap Rock vs. Austin. In short, Vince had pulled some strings to get the title off Austin and put it on his crown jewel, the Rock. Austin came second at the Rumble and then got the match after Vince forfeited his spot. This is the big blowoff and Austin is clearly getting his title back here. Oh and the beer truck happened in there too.

Jim Ross comes out to call the main event. Well this just got a lot better. Vince comes out to be referee but what’s that I hear? That would be the music of Mr. Wrestlemania himself, Commissioner Shawn Michaels. HUGE pop for Shawn and he brings a referee with him. Is this a Hardcore Title match? Shawn might be a little drunk.

Shawn of course says that only the Commissioner can appoint special referees. Why in the world is that the case? Vince can’t like, override that? Also the Corporation is barred from ringside. Shawn says that if Vince tries anything, the two of them will have a fight of their own out back. I’d pay to see that. I did actually. I think it was called Wrestlemania 22.

WWF Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

Champion comes out first here which is always weird to see for some reason. Dang I love that belt. Austin comes out in a t-shirt which looks weird to put it mildly. Here we go immediately as Austin fires the first punch. We’re on the floor almost as soon as the bell rings and there goes Austin’s shirt. Back in the ring now with Rock in control.

This is No DQ by the way. I forgot to mention that earlier. We head into the crowd because this is 1999 and that’s required. They get back into the ringside area so they can go right back out of the ringside area and back into the crowd. Rock chokes away with the electrical cord and we head up towards the entrance.

Austin gets a clothesline to take over as this has been a total brawl the entire time. They’ve been in the ring about 9 seconds out of 5 minutes of fighting. Rock backdrops Austin onto the lights and Austin’s knee may be injured. Austin sends Rock into the massive logo and walk around a lot. They look at the ring but first it’s a suplex in the aisle.

They’re around the ring now but it’s not time to go in there yet. Rock grabs some water and of course it goes into Austin’s face. Austin puts Rock onto the Spanish Announce Table and drops an elbow on it. Naturally it doesn’t break. Austin’s solution: drop another elbow until the thing explodes! Rock is more or less dead Austin gets some water and spits it in Rock’s face. Nice touch.

HOKEY SMOKE WE’RE IN THE RING!!! And never mind as Rock rolls to the floor. Rock wraps it around the post and we’re on the floor again. Rock goes into the steps again and now back into the ring. Out of absolutely nowhere Rock hits the Rock Bottom for two. That surprised me and I’ve seen this match multiple times. Rock hits the floor and grabs a chair.

Austin gets the chair but caves Chioda’s head in with it by mistake. No referee now and Rock gets a swinging neckbreaker to put Austin down. Stunner is reversed and here comes Rock. He goes after the knee with the chair and Austin is in trouble. BIG chair shot puts Austin down for two as a second referee is here.

Rock throws on a chinlock as we finally get some help for the other referee that got his head cracked by the chair. Austin fights up and hammers away with rights but walks into a Samoan Drop for two. Rock hits the referee with a Rock Bottom. Stunner to Rock and Earl Hebner runs down for two. Get Foley out here already.

Here’s Vince who wants a showdown with Austin. It’s enough of a distraction for Rock to get a low blow to Austin and Vince is in the ring now. Vince pops Hebner, making a need for referee #4. Rock stomps a mudhole into Austin and here comes Mankind. BIG pop for him hitting Vince. Austin grabs a rollup for two as it’s Austin, Rock and Foley in the ring.

Thesz Press by Austin and Rock is in big trouble all of a sudden. Rock fights back and there’s Rock Bottom #2 and it’s time for the Corporate Elbow. Austin moves and tries the Stunner but Rock counters into an attempt at another Rock Bottom. Austin fights out of it and a Stunner gives him I think his third world title.

Rating: B+. This was supposed to be an absolute brawl and that’s what it was. They would have far better matches as Rock wasn’t someone that you could really buy as a world champion at this point. Well you could but he wasn’t at the level of Austin. Granted no one was but you get the idea. Anyway, good match but not a classic at all.

Much beer is consumed and Vince is beaten up to send the fans home very happy.

Overall Rating
: D. Oh this was bad. The main event is good and some of the other matches are ok, but for Wrestlemania this was really bad. Things would get better in two years but we had another year to get through first. This wasn’t the worst show ever but at the same time it was close. Weak show but this era was never really about high quality in the ring. Until next year.

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Victory Road 2012: I Want To Punch Twitter In The Face

Victory Road 2012
Date: March 17, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Welcome to the latest TNA filler PPV, Victory Road. That’s what’s plagued this show’s build: nothing on it is going to mean anything after tonight. It’s just a stop on the way to Lockdown, which has a few benefits actually. First of all, there aren’t any expectations for this show because none of it really matters. Second, sometimes it’s ok to not have a major main event every time as it makes the bigger main events seem more important. This has some potential to be good so let’s get to it.

We open with clips from last week’s Impact of Roode telling Sting that the business has passed him by and then Sting snapping.

Tenay and Taz talk about the show a bit and tell everyone to talk to them on Twitter. How about they just call the show instead?

Here’s Ray to open the show. He had said online that he was going to hold the show hostage. The idiot fans start a We Want D-Von chant. Ray says he’s trending worldwide because he’s taking this show over. The show isn’t continuing unless his match with Storm is a #1 contender match. Send referees, send security, send the police, he doesn’t care. Instead here’s Storm to say Ray has chicken legs. Storm says the #1 contendership is up for grabs RIGHT NOW.

James Storm vs. Bully Ray

So what was the point in having Ray come out there and talk for five minutes? The fans chant chicken legs and Ray beats Storm down into the corner. He goes for the beer, has a drink and walks into the Last Call for the pin at 1:08. Storm had legit ankle surgery this week which I’d bet is why the match wasn’t even a match. Storm only hit one move the entire time.

Aries answers Twitter questions. A fan wants to know when he’ll get to main event a show. Eric Bischoff comes in and tells JB to leave. JB: “Do you have any authority around here anymore?” Eric: “I can take you out so get out of here.” Is this tied into those comments Bischoff made on Twitter this week? Nothing of note is said here other than Aries is the main event no matter when he’s on the show.

Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion

Aries is the longest reigning champion in history and Ion won a match by DQ on Impact recently. James Storm is trending worldwide on Twitter. Geez you can’t escape it in any wrestling company anymore. The fans seem split so they start with a gymnastics routine resulting in Aries stealing the hairspray and laying on the top rope ala Shawn. Brainbuster is escaped and Ion is knocked to the floor off the top.

The suicide dive takes Ion down so Aries grabs a phone and tweets. Oh give me a break. Dropkick to the back gets two for the champ. Ion gets knocked to the apron and manages to guillotine Aries and take over. Tazz reads the tweet from Aries because that’s what you watch wrestling for: Twitter updates. Ion hits a corkscrew crossbody off the middle rope for two.

Zema pounds on him for awhile and tries Aries’ pendulum elbow with no success. Aries comes back with an atomic drop and pounds him into the corner. Ion loads the hairspray into his tights but is knocked down by a spinning forearm smash. Aries hits a knee crusher into a belly to belly followed by the pendulum elbow for two.

Ion gets knocked into the corner and does the old switch move of grabbing the title but as the referee takes it out, he pulls out the hairspray which goes into Aries’ eyes for two. Ion tries a superplex but Aries counters into a sunset bomb to put both guys down. Aries is still mostly blind. Not that it matters as he hits the brainbuster and rolls into the Last Chancery for the tap out at 11:04.

Rating: B-. Aries is a de facto face now due to pure crowd support but it’s going to be interesting to see what they do with him. He’s outgrown the X Division which is why the weight limit addition has been a bad thing for it. He’s going to have to move up soon though because there’s no point to him fighting these low level X guys anymore.

Tazz reads another tweet.

The Motorcity Machineguns are coming back soon.

We recap the tag title feud. The idea here is that Morgan and Crimson are champions but they started arguing over who should get the win and it resulted in them losing the titles. They won the right to a rematch here tonight and they’ve promised to put their differences aside.

Tag Titles: Samoa Joe/Magnus vs. Crimson/Matt Morgan

After TNA’s Powerpoint about the match we’re ready to go. Joe’s has a mowhawk now. Morgan and Crimson almost get into a fight over who should start. TWITTER UPDATE: Austin Aries is trending. Crimson and Magnus start and Magnus takes him down with a clothesline. Off to Joe to a big pop and he pounds Crimson down before quickly tagging Magnus back in.

Crimson goes to the corner but won’t tag. Instead he goes to the floor to get a breath and comes back in with a snapmare and clothesline. Off to a chinlock with Magnus in trouble. The idea here is that Crimson wants to do everything himself because he doesn’t need Morgan’s help. The fans chant that they want Morgan. Keep in mind that they wanted D-Von earlier so how much can they be trusted?

Spinebuster plants Magnus for two. Crimson hooks his cravate but Magnus fights out of it. He beats Crimson down well enough to make the tag but Crimson still won’t tag out. Joe snaps off punches so Crimson goes up and dives at Joe, who does the always cool step aside. Joe sends him to the corner and Morgan shoves Crimson out of the way and tags himself in. Morgan cleans house but Crimson tags himself back in after about thirty seconds.

Morgan tags himself back in and Crimson walks out. The champs destroy Morgan with double team combos (including a big boot that missed by about 9 inches to the left). Crimson says he’s the winner of this team so Morgan tries to fight alone. He manages to take the champs down but Crimson spears Morgan, allowing the champions to hit their finisher, resulting in the pin by Magnus at 10:12.

Rating: C. The match was a backdrop for an angle more than anything else which is ok. Crimson turning heel was something they almost had to do because his run could only go so long without focusing more on the winning streak. There isn’t much to say about the match but it wasn’t bad or anything.

During the replays we hear more Tweets.

JB apologizes for the Bischoff incident from earlier and asks Roode a question from Twitter about his main events at tonight’s show and then Lockdown. Sting’s career ends tonight and then at Lockdown….we’re not sure what’s going to happen because Storm pops up. He doesn’t want a match. He wants a fight and he wants it right now.

Taz and Tenay debate hashtags. Seriously, that’s what we’ve gotten to tonight.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. ???

This is another open challenge because we don’t have time to get the TV Title on TV since Garrett Bischoff needs to get his five minutes every week. Robbie says that there’s no open challenge tonight because everyone is afraid of him. The fans want RVD. Oh apparently the invitational is going to happen tonight but now fans can take him up on it. They go around the ring and Robbie makes fun of fans, including three overweight women. He asks Val, but says they’ll be “wrestling” later. Big Rob says she’s not on the list. This goes on forever. The open challenge is officially canceled so they’re going to pose instead. We have a challenger.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. D-Von

Yes, this is what’s on PPV. He comes through the crowd for some reason. Robbie backs off so Brian Hebner says we’re doing this. D-Von is in street clothes. There’s another Tweet. One man flapjack puts Robbie down and a clothesline puts him on the floor. Matt Morgan is trending. Robbie tries to get a chair but BROOKE HOGAN stops him. I kid you not, she’s in the front row and grabbed the chair from him. Back in and D-Von runs him over with clotheslines and shoulder blocks. A splash in the corner sets up a clothesline for two. A spinebuster gives D-Von the title at 3:02. Just retire the title. Now.

Rating: F. D-Von Dudley is a singles champion. Never mind that it’s 2012. D-Von freaking Dudley is a singles champion. That doesn’t need any more explanation. Oh and Brooke Hogan was involved in this. They did fire Russo didn’t they? I mean….D-VON JUST WON A TITLE. With the roster they have, they pick him? Who thinks that’s a good idea?

Dixie says Slammiversary is going to be in Dallas/Fort Worth. She’ll be ringside for the main event tonight.

We recap Gail vs. Madison. They were friends, then they started fighting, then Madison snuck into a battle royal to become #1 contender, then they lost the tag titles and here’s the match.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Gail Kim

Madison’s looking good as always. D-Von is the #1 trend worldwide. It’s true: 2012 is the apocalypse. Very slow match to start with Madison in control. She chokes in the corner as Taz reads tweets. Gail takes the knee out but Madison pops up so they can slug it out. Gail hits a middle rope cross body and a missile dropkick for two each. This is going nowhere. Gail tries to use the tights but gets two. Taz misreads a Twitter handle and Tenay cracks up. It wasn’t funny but then again Twitter handles shouldn’t be read here. Eat Defeat is avoided but the second attempt works at 7:07. I can’t believe I had that little to say in seven minutes.

Rating: D. This was nothing. Madison looked good but that’s about it. This show has been pretty awful so far as the constant Twitter references are really taking me out of the show. This is worse than even WWE with that stuff. The match had no heat at all, probably because everyone was in shock at the previous match.

It’s 9:22 and we have three matches left.

JB is with Daniels and Kaz and asks something he heard about on Twitter recently: why has his attitude changed? Before he can answer, Daniels says he runs the show here. In a nice bit of continuity, Daniels has tape under his eye from the cut Anderson gave him “last week”.

We recap AJ/Anderson vs. Daniels/Kaz. In chapter 19874 of Daniels vs. AJ, Kaz has apparently been coerced or brainwashed into going against AJ. Daniels thinks maybe the problem is with AJ instead of everyone else. Styles says he’s not going to associate with friends anymore, so he brought in Anderson to help him.

Christopher Daniels/Kazarian vs. Mr. Anderson/AJ Styles

As is the custom, we update Twitter before we get the match going. Anderson and Kaz start Anderson throws him around the ring and it’s off to AJ quickly. Daniels comes in to meet him and they fight over a headlock. They run each other over and AJ hooks an armdrag to grab an armbar. Dixie Carter is in the front row with the host of some Spike show called Repo Games. He’ll be at Impact also. Ten points if they bring in Barry Darsow for a showdown.

Anderson and AJ pinball Daniels back and forth with right hands. Everything breaks down and Kaz and Daniels are thrown into each other. Anderson drops elbows on Daniels and it’s AJ vs. Daniels once things calm down. AJ hits a spinning delayed vertical suplex for two. Back to Anderson but Daniels gets in a knee so he can tag. Kaz gets thrown down quickly and Styles comes back in. The tags are very fast.

An elbow puts AJ onto the floor and Daniels takes over. Daniels hooks an abdominal stretch and AJ is in trouble. A boot to the face keeps him down, so LET’S READ TWEETS! This is ridiculous. The show is already bad but this is making it unbearable. Daniels stays on the ribs but when he and Kaz try to double team, AJ manages to clothesline Daniels and Pele Kaz to put them both down. Hot tag to Anderson who cleans house. Mic Check to Kaz is broken up and Daniels hits an STO to take him down. Springboard clothesline takes Kaz down and everything breaks down.

In a SWEET counter, AJ tries the moonsault into the DDT but Daniels drops to his back and puts his feet in the air so that AJ slams his face into them. Daniels and Anderson go to the floor after AJ makes a blind tag. AJ tries a springboard sunset flip but Kaz counters into the Fade to Black, but AJ rolls through into the Styles Clash for the pin at 13:58.

Rating: C+. The decent match made the show better, but this show has really taken its toll on me. AJ vs. Daniels is a feud that I’m tired of. They’ve feuded literally for years on and off and AJ always comes out on top, which makes things pretty boring at the end of the day. Pretty good match though.

Angle is in the back and says hi to his son. Usually he doesn’t let him watch violence, but Angle wants his son Cody to see his son hero get destroyed. He talks about the things he’s going to do to Jeff with a sick happiness in his voice. Tonight, Jeff gets an Extreme Makeover. See, this was what you call a promo. No Twitter questions were needed, and it actually got me thinking about the match. Why is that the first one of these tonight?

We recap Angle vs. Hardy. Angle cost him the world title because his son likes Jeff Hardy too much so he’s going to beat Hardy up for it.

Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle

Hardy goes around the ring to shake hands and hug fans, including hugging Brooke. The fans are somewhat split but Hardy is getting louder chants. Their match a year and a half ago at No Surrender was awesome so maybe this can be good too. Feeling out process to start and Kurt bails to the floor. With that, this is officially longer than Jeff’s Victory Road match last year. Back inside and Jeff runs him out again. They have a lot of time left in the show so they’re probably stalling a bit.

Back in and Kurt takes it to the mat with a chinlock. Jeff counters so Kurt elbows him in the face. Kurt takes a knee to the gut and seemed to land awkwardly. He seems ok though. Hardy comes out of the corner with a headscissors to send Kurt to the outside. Hardy controls out there but back inside Kurt pounds him down in the corner. Twitter stuff. Hardy comes back with the legdrop between the legs and a dropkick for two.

Out to the floor again and Hardy rams Kurt’s head into a chair. Kurt tries to ram him into the steps but Hardy reverses and it’s Kurt that crashes. Jeff sets up the steps for Poetry in Motion but crashes into the barricade. And they wonder why he’s addicted to painkillers. Jeff’s tailbone hit the barricade and Kurt goes after him. He gets two inside and hits a suplex for two. Off to a rear chinlock.

Jeff fights up but walks into a belly to belly to put him right back down. Hardy gets his feet up in the corner and a clothesline to put Kurt down. They get back up and Jeff throws punches to set up the Whisper in the Wind for two. Twist of Fate is countered into Rolling Germans, four in this case. Angle Slam is countered into the Twisting Stunner but Angle runs the corner to counter the Swanton with the belly to belly.

Kurt hooks the ankle lock but Jeff kicks off after a few seconds. Angle misses a charge and hits the post and a Twist of Fate gets two. Angle rolls to the outside and Hardy rams his head into the steps a few times. There goes the shirt and he loads up the Swanton but Kurt gets the knees up. Angle Slam gets two. Kurt has a cut over his left eye. He chokes Jeff with one of the sleeves that Hardy wears but another Slam is countered into Twist #3. Both guys are down. Back up and the mule kick puts Kurt down. Swanton hits but Jeff covers sloppily, allowing Kurt to roll him up and grab the rope for the pin (Jeff’s shoulder was up) at 19:45.

Rating: B. I’ve said this a lot of times but it’s still true: a lot of the time, the solution to your problems is to have a good wrestling match. This started slow but they got into Kurt’s formula which is guaranteed to be at least good. The ending sets up a rematch, likely as captains of the Lethal Lockdown teams next month. Match of the night by far.

We recap the show to fill in more time.

Roode vs. Sting is now falls count anywhere, no DQ.

Jeremy gives us a long Twitter update and asks Sting a question. He says he’s tired of Facebooking and Tweeting so it’s time to wrestle.

We recap the main event, which is Sting tormenting Roode, which Roode says is because Sting is jealous of Roode.

Sting vs. Bobby Roode

Non-title and no holds barred. After some big match intros we’re ready to go. This is just no holds barred, despite them saying falls count anywhere earlier. Do those go together now? Sting starts off fast and beats the champion down pretty easily. He hits a lot of clotheslines and knocks Roode to the floor. They fight up the ramp (which means Sting beats the tar out of him) and then back to ringside to send Roode into the steps.

The fans chant “over here” so Sting beats him up wherever chants the loudest. Roode manages to send him into the post but Sting counters a chair shot. Roode goes into the barricade and Sting knocks him into the crowd. Back to ringside and Sting takes a thumb to the eye. The champ rams Sting’s leg into the post and Sting is in trouble. Roode stays on the knee for a few minutes while Taz reads a Tweet from an 85 year old grandmother.

It’s figure four time but Sting rolls over after about a minute. Roode continues to channel his inner Flair and chops at Sting, which just like Flair’s, don’t work at all on him. Now Sting goes after the knees and after a superplex, it’s Scorpion time. Roode makes the rope and comes back with a spear for two. The champ brings in a chair and sets for either a powerbomb or piledriver but Sting backdrops him to the apron. Sting tries a Death Drop onto the chair but he rams his own head into the chair. Roode wakes up and covers for the pin at 16:50.

Rating: C+. The ending brought this down a bit. Sting matches have a really bad habit of ending out of nowhere. This also really doesn’t help Roode because Roode lucks out again. Roode needed to go over strong here but instead he looks like he got lucky to win the match over a part time wrestler. That’s not good, again. Has he won a major match on his own merits since he’s been champion? Sting is great in this role as part time wrestler and as a special attraction as he can still do well enough out there.

Post match it’s time for the big evil angle. Roode gets the chair and yells at Dixie, then pulls her over the railing and into the ring. Sting makes the save but once he turns to check on Dixie, Roode hits him with the chair. Roode gets some duck tape and ties Sting to the bottom ropes. He goes to hit Sting with the chair but Dixie is untying him. Roode gets in her face and yells at her, rubbing her face for some reason. He yells at her…and that’s it. He doesn’t hit her, he doesn’t shove her, nothing. This would have been more effective, except NO ONE CARES ABOUT DIXIE CARTER!

Overall Rating: D+. The last 50 minutes of the show brought it up A LOT, but earlier on the show was absolutely dreadful. The in ring work earlier was ok to bad, but the point of this show was the Twitter. They went WAY too far with that nonsense where even the wrestlers weren’t answering the questions. It got stupid and was really taking away from the show, which was just ok anyway. On top of that, we had Storm cut short (not their fault) and D-Von winning a title. I still can’t get over that. Anyway, bad show but the last part helped it. They’re probably lucky that non many people were watching tonight though.

Results
James Storm b. Bully Ray – Last Call
Austin Aries b. Zema Ion – Last Chancery
Samoa Joe/Magnus b. Matt Morgan/Crimson – Middle Rope Elbow To Morgan
D-Von b. Robbie E – Spinebuster
AJ Styles/Mr. Anderson b. Christopher Daniels/Kazarian – Styles Clash to Kazarian
Kurt Angle b. Jeff Hardy – Pin while holding the rope
Robert Roode b. Sting – Pin after Sting hit his head on a chair




D-Von won the TV Title

It’s official: the apocalypse is upon us.




ECW on Sci-Fi – June 20, 2006: A White Guy Imitates A Mexican Imitating A Savage

ECW on Sci-Fi
Date: June 20, 2006
Location: Pepsi Arena, Albany, New York
Commentators: Joey Styles, Taz

This is going to be the new series that I do and since I already posted the first episode of it, here’s the second. This is when the show was still live and in theory, they actually had a clue as to what they were doing. Like I said that’s in theory so I wouldn’t put a lot of stock into it. Let’s get to it.

We open with a fortune teller who would become known as Ariel talking about Raw last night. ECW invaded and basically took over the show with Sabu destroying Cena. There’s a main event tag tonight.

Drowning Pool gets us going.

Oh and Vengeance is the Sunday after this so there were only two weeks between PPVs.

Sabu vs. Tony Mamaluke

Makaluke is in the FBI and has the scantily clad Trinity from TNA with him. Sabu dives for the knee and drops an elbow for two. Mamaluke comes back with a belly to back suplex for two. Springboard Air Sabu gets two. Out to the floor and Sabu grabs a chair and hits a triple jump plancha. A table gets set up but Tony makes a comeback and hits Sabu with the chair. He tries to come off the top but Sabu throws the chair at Mamaluke to knock him out of the air. Sabu puts him through the table and a Camel Clutch ends this.

Rating: D+. Energetic match here as Sabu was much better in WWE than he was in ECW. If nothing else, he didn’t botch half of the moves that he was trying. Also, it’s nice to see an actual match for the opener instead of Sandman vs. a zombie like we saw last week, whatever that was.

Kelly is an exhibitionist but last week she couldn’t get her bra off. This week she’ll be able to.

RVD says that he’s in a tag match tonight and he’s excited for it. It’s him/Angle vs. Edge/Orton.

Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer

Apparently this isn’t a match. Dreamer praises Show for being dominant last week but says that if Show wants to mean something in ECW, he has to go through Dreamer. Dreamer slaps him and the pain begins. This isn’t a match but rather just a long beating. Why it’s not a match is probably because it’s ECW and things are different here I guess.

Vengeance preview focuses on DX.

Kevin Thorn, a vampire, is outside.

Sandman vs. Macho Libre

Remember the movie Nacho Libre? This is a guy in the same costume imitating Randy Savage. He even does a promo in Spanish in a Savage voice. Well that’s….different. Sandman comes in (with an inset promo talking about nothing in particular) and wins with the legsweep in about 35 seconds.

Cena has arrived and Heyman says it’s time for action.

Heyman tells the ECW guys to be ready for Cena. Cena pops in (getting the loudest face reaction of the show) and wants Sabu in an Extreme Lumberjack match, with the ECW guys being the lumberjacks this coming Sunday. Sabu says deal, breaking one of the major rules of ECW: SABU DOESN’T TALK!

Kelly (not Kelly Kelly yet, just Kelly) dances to a Snoop Dogg song. Oh and she’s a Vixen, which is what ECW calls its girls. She dances for awhile and finally takes her top off but as she goes to take her bra off, Mike Knox debuts and covers her up.

Test is coming to ECW.

Edge/Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle/Rob Van Dam

This is inter-promotional apparently. It’s also the first time Orton and Edge have teamed up. Edge starts with Angle and Kurt takes him to the mat with a double leg almost immediately. Off to Van Dam who crotches Orton and hits the flying kick to send Orton to the floor. This is ECW Rules. Ok then. A moonsault to the floor takes Orton down again. Orton gets in a shot as they come back in and it’s off to Edge.

Edge takes a kick in the face as well but Lita pulls the top rope down to prevent Rolling Thunder. Back with RVD and Edge slugging it out. Edge takes him down and it’s back to Orton. RVD gets thrown to the floor as the fans call Lita a sl**. Back to Orton who hits a dropkick and then brings the Canadian back in. Van Dam gets in a kick and brings in Angle for Rolling Germans.

There’s a German for the Canadian from the American and Kurt hooks the ankle lock on Randy. Edge makes the save but jumps into a belly to belly. Kurt loads up the Angle Slam on Edge but Orton clips him and focuses on the knee. Back to Edge who gets two but Angle hooks a rear naked choke that he was using at this time. Lita saves and the fans think she’s a crack w****.

Orton comes in and Kurt grabs a quick ankle lock but Edge saves and comes back in. Angle snaps off a German and both guys are down. There’s the tag to Van Dam who cleans house. He kicks Edge down and dives outside onto Orton. Rob grabs a chair and blasts Orton with it from the apron, only to be knocked into the table by Edge. Angle grabs the ankle lock on Edge then “Angle Slams” Lita. He walks into an RKO but Van Dam kicks Orton’s head off. Rolling Thunder is broken up again by Edge but as Edge tries the spear, Rob rams him in the head with a belt. Five Star gets the pin.

Rating: B-. Good main event style tag match here which is a good way to close the show. At the end of the day though, you have one ECW original and three WWE guys out there. It’s not like that bombed in the Invasion or anything but hey, that was five years before this so we can’t expect WWE to remember something like that right?

Overall Rating: C. Not a bad show overall and WAY better than the first one. The problem here though is WAY too much emphasis on WWE guys while Rob and Sabu are the only ECW guys being given anything significant to do. That’s the problem you get when you treat all the outsiders like jobbers, but then again the Alliance was five years ago so who can remember that?

Here’s Vengeance if you’re interested:

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Vengeance 2006: It Ends With Cheerleaders

Vengeance 2006
Date: June 25, 2006
Location: Charlotte Bobcats Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 6,800
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

ECW is back. That’s the main thing here. They’ve been back for two weeks now and RVD is the WWE Champion, defending tonight against Edge. However, the main event is of course DX vs. the Spirit Squad since the title match can’t go on last right? There’s also Flair vs. Foley in a 2/3 falls match in a feud that is somewhat forgotten for some reason. Also tonight is the “blowoff” to the Imposter Kane angle that was just stupid as. That’s a pretty decent card already so let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Cena vs. Sabu which is an Extreme Lumberjack Match which something tells me isn’t going to be that good. Now we talk about Edge vs. RVD which was where just about everyone was saying the title would change.

Also as a random thing, this is right around the time when the latest incarnation of Wrestlezone came into being. Now we talk about DX. They’re hitting on the main angles here which at least makes sense. This was the beginning of DX vs. Vince which was such a painful angle to watch.

Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle

In 2006, this opens a show. In 2010 it would be a dream match. Angle was on ECW at this point and Angle called out anyone in any kind of ring (four sides, six sides or eight sides) for a fight at One Night Stand. Orton took him up on it after Angle broke his ankle like two months earlier. He’s kind of a face here but not entirely. Angle is an “enemy” here so he’s supposed to be the heel I guess.

He has a remix of his normal music here and it sucks to put it nicely. He would be in TNA in the fall. Angle goes to the mat early as you would expect him to. King is very pro-Orton here as you would expect I guess. Angle tries to German Orton off the apron through the table and the angle that Angle is standing up and holding on at is amazing with his whole body hanging over the floor and just his feet touching the apron.

He’s holding onto Orton and the image is great. Orton throws a weak dropkick but of course according to Lawler it’s textbook. Ross says Orton likes to use a chinlock. That’s what we call an understatement as around this time he used it more than he ever does today. Lawler doesn’t get why the fans are cheering for Angle as he’s ECW now.

They’re doing the same thing that they messed up WCW with as they assume no one could like anything but the home product and it makes the fans sound stupid and the announcers incredibly stupid. I don’t know why but I love that jumping knee drop Orton does. Angle has an ECW mouth guard which ticks Lawler off to no end. He’s doing his job well here and I don’t know how to take that.

It’s pretty much all Orton at this point. Angle does the pop up second rope belly to belly which is more or less a slam but whatever. Angle Slam of course doesn’t work and this is a pretty good opener. We get an old classic as the turnbuckle is loosened. Angle hits EIGHT GERMANS IN A ROW. Orton is of course, dead. Angle may be a headcase but he can do some amazing stuff when he needs to. Ankle lock is hooked and Randy is in trouble. Orton does the flip forward and it sends Angle into the buckle. RKO ends it.

Rating: B-. This was a match you wouldn’t expect for an opener but I liked it. They were kind of just going through the motions out there but at the same time that’s all you need to do sometimes to have a good match. This isn’t a pairing you see that often and given that I was pleased. I’d like to see more from them and a clean finish so that’s a good sign. Also, Burn in My Light is a sweet song.

Vince is on the phone and says vengeance will be his. A kid in a DX shirt in a wheelchair comes in. I don’t remember this angle or anything so maybe this is a one off thing. Vince FREAKS and yells about all the things DX put him through on Monday night and I think I know where this is going.

Yep Vince shoves him out of the office and a crashing sound is heard. Coach comes in and says a family member is here that was wanting to just meet Vince and maybe get an autograph. Vince is fine with it and, say it with me, it was the kid. The skit writing back in this day was pretty shall we say BAD.

Umaga vs. Eugene

Umaga is brand new at this point having debuted in April at Backlash. For no apparent reason, Eugene has Jim Duggan, Doink the Clown and Kamala with him. What. You don’t get the connection? Estrada does the intro for Umaga as usual. I remember him as Osama in OVW and I never saw that much from him really. His voice was solid though.

Apparently Eugene can bring all the help he wants and it won’t matter. Umaga went from fighting Flair on PPV to fighting Eugene. Wow that’s kind of a letdown. When Duggan and the other guys come out, the look on Umaga’s face clearly says “the heck have I done to deserve this?” It’s the Steve Lombardi version of Doink here. The fans chant USA when Umaga is from AMERICAN Samoa and was born in California.

Duggan gets the fans to cheer for Eugene and it does nothing. The magic thumb ends it. Umaga wouldn’t lose until early January. The legends were completely worthless here. Duggan gets a thumb afterwards. So does Doink. Kamala, who I don’t think has ever won a match, doesn’t get a chance to fight because Estrada says he’s too nuts for Umaga to fight. They would have a match on Raw soon and guess what happened.

Rating: N/A. Nothing wrong with a PPV squash, but Eugene and a later match with Kamala? Really?

Grisham is with a heel Mick Foley. This was a different kind of feud based on real life drama between the two. Foley says we’re going to have a real life book reading here. Foley says Flair’s book is a novel and not an autobiography.

He reads stuff about how Foley isn’t a real legend because he’s stayed around too long as a freak show attraction. That’s absolutely hysterical at this point in time as Foley has stayed out of the ring other than to put people over…and win the TNA Title for no apparent reason…while Flair is a caricature of himself at this point.

Mick Foley vs. Ric Flair

This is 2/3…DANGLillian is gorgeous. She’s got her stomach showing and it’s all skinny and flat. Dang she looks great. Anyway it’s 2/3 falls. Foley is of course hated since we’re in Flair’s hometown. Flair gets a solid pop but something tells me this isn’t going to be as good as their Summerslam match. Foley does a technical sequence to start just to prove a point. Well there’s some thought in there at least. Foley does a strut and makes me smile.

Foley goes for the sock and it looks like Flair. Those are always funny. Flair, the ultimate ladies man, grabs Foley’s balls to counter. Sure why not. FLAIR HITS THE TOP ROPE AXE HANDLE! HOLY CRAP! He hurts his knee though so Foley goes after it. Flair drops an F Bomb but it gets censored. Foley goes for a figure four but Flair hooks a small package for the first fall.

Flair starts going off and we’re going into the crowd which doesn’t work that well as Flair doesn’t follow him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before but it worked. Fans are all over Foley as he pulls out a trash can. He tries to blast Foley in the head with it but Flair hooks a figure four.

He gets the trash can and blasts Flair with it, ending this match in like seven minutes in two straight falls. Uh, ok? Foley pulls out a barbed wire ball bat and Flair is of course busted open. Foley beats him up even more which sets up the I Quit match at Summerslam.

Rating: D-. Uh…yeah. I have no idea what the point of this was, but it failed miserably. Foley looks like a failure and Flair bleeds more. What was the point to this again? Like I said, the rematch is much better. This was just a strange choice all around and it didn’t work at all for me.

Maria is with Carlito and discusses a coolness paradox makes Carlito stop in mid bite. Funnier than it sounds. Torrie Wilson walks up in a swimsuit and asks Carlito to rub oil on her. Yeah the comedy was just off around this time. Maria rubs oil on her and vice versa. And it’s time for his match. Was there a point to this at all?

Intercontinental Title: Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro

Shelton is champion here and is a heel at the moment. This match was on the history of the IC Title DVD for seemingly no reason but the more I thought about it the more it makes sense. We have three midcard guys here that have no chance of being world champion at this point and need the credibility. A match like this is a great way to let them get over and gives them something to go after. It’s perfect and sums up what the title is supposed to be about.

The winner of this would feud with Jeff Hardy for awhile then Umaga, and then Santino would win it and cripple the belt for years until Jericho and Rey recently helped save it. Nitro is Morrison as you likely know. Melina is with him and is just freaking yummy looking. They’re going with the old school one on one formula here which is fine I guess. Carlito hits a nice dive to the floor to take everyone out and get the crowd awake. Good night Melina can freaking scream.

It’s so sad to see Carlito doing all kinds of flips and impressive looking stuff considering the levels of laziness he would reach in the future. Shelton catches Nitro’s flip into a powerbomb position and just falls backwards into a snake eyes for a great move. Even Ross is bragging about Carlito. There are some nice triple and double person spots in this thing. Lawler says that Melina is a bit upset by Nitro getting crotched.

In an AMAZING spot that gets a well deserved HOLY CRAP chant, Nitro is in the Tree of Woe, Carlito is standing on the top, Shelton jumps from the mat to the top, Shelton hooks Carlito in a suplex as Nitro does a massive sit-up to hook Shelton in a powerbomb. That looked awesome. Shelton takes a Backstabber, called the Backcracker here but Nitro pulls him out and gets the pin and the title in a steal. Nice way to end a good match.

Rating: B. I really liked this one as it was very fast paced and a great example of three guys being given a chance and showing off with it. This one worked very well and is probably the best match of the night so far, although not by much. This was a very fun match though and worked.

Spirit Squad is getting fired up and Vince comes in to be uninteresting, comparing DX to bird flu. And after they leave he takes a special pump into a bathroom….and it blows up like a bomb in a freaking Wile E. Coyote cartoon. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

We recap Edge vs. RVD, which was set up by RVD winning the title at ONS with the help of Edge. Edge then challenged RVD and speared him which is all we need here. Yeah the buildup was kind of weak.

Raw World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Edge

And yes this goes on 5th with the Kane match, Cena vs. Sabu and the Spirit Squad going on after the world title match. Let that sink in a bit. I love that One of a Kind song. Lillian says he is the champion with no WWE or ECW thing in there. That’s a bit odd. We get a long feeling out process and then a Phil Mickelson reference. Ok then. This is a very physical match here and they’re doing a bunch of big spots and a lot of stuff on the floor, including a sunset flip into a powerbomb on the floor.

Ross calls out Lawler for making everything about sex. He’s absolutely right too. We finally slow things down with a bow and arrow hold on RVD. They’re beating each other up here so I’ll give them points for that. Edge powerbombs RVD onto the railing in a very painful looking spot. Edge is working over the back for the most part here so we have a story in the thing resembling insanity. When did Edge start using a big boot?

A lot of the time you forget how big he is but he’s a big man. The fans are split here as it feels like we’re coming towards the end here. I love that one footed kick Van Dam uses. Rolling Thunder and Van Dam still won’t cover. I’m not sure if this match is good or not.

Van Dam hits the Van Daminator with the belt but Van Dam gets crotched by Lita. The referee is down in case you didn’t get it. Edge hits the Orton DDT and Van Dam is out. Lita holds up a chair for Edge to spear him into and you can figure out the result there. The Five Star ends it.

Rating: B-. It was physical, I’ll give it that. Other than that though, there isn’t much here I don’t think. It was ok and even better than ok, but having it in the middle of the show makes it seem like nothing at all. This was a nearly 20 minute match and as you can see I didn’t have a ton to say about it. It’s not that it was bad, but it just wasn’t that interesting and there wasn’t much that felt like it should be written about.

Also, it’s not like there was any secret that the title picture would involve Cena and it did very soon. Van Dam would get caught with pot (shocking isn’t it) soon after this and lose to Edge in a triple threat on Raw. He held the belt three weeks, which is still saying a lot for him.

The ECW locker room celebrates. Yeah there’s an ECW locker room for two ECW guys wrestling. Ah there’s lumberjacks. Got it.

Ad for the ECW TV show set to clips of the original ECW. That’s just amusing.

Kane vs. Kane

This is one of the most infamously stupid angles ever. Kane is facing a guy that looks like he used to. Basically Kane was in a bad movie called See No Evil and somehow it brought a guy from his past to WWE who dressed like he used to or something. Kane knew who he was but they never told us that or anything so whatever. He was played by the guy now known as Luke Gallows. I’ll refer to them as real and fake here.

Real dominates early which doesn’t last very long. Real goes for the mask and doesn’t get it of course. Only HHH could manage to do that. And there are the boring chants. Ah look a chinlock. Ross says Kane is at a disadvantage because he doesn’t know who he’s wrestling despite saying Kane knew the imposter earlier.

Ross says it’s been an ugly match. Yeah I’d agree. Is this supposed to be good or to make sense? Real hits something like a throw off the top but it was more or less closer to an over the shoulder slam than anything else. Just end this please. Fake hits a chokeslam and does Kane’s old pin to end it.

Rating: F+. Oh do I even need to explain this? The match was worse than the angle. Kane would beat the imposter up on Raw soon and take the mask, ending anything of this angle. Yeah it’s bad.

Ad for the Flair DVD which is just amazing.

We recap Cena vs. Sabu which is Cena complaining about a lack of rules then saying he liked it. So he showed up on the debut of ECW, thereby completely screwing up the idea of the show.

John Cena vs. Sabu

This is an EXTREME LUMBERJACK MATCH which sounds like something off a bad video game. The lumberjacks are Viscera, Trevor Murdoch, Lance Cade, Rob Conway, Snitsky, Matt Striker, Charlie Haas, Val Venis, Tommy Dreamer, Balls Mahoney, Stevie Richards, Little Guido Maritato, Roadkill, Danny Doring, Justin Credible, Al Snow, and The Sandman. Let’s get this over with. Matt Striker pretending to be a wrestler is so cute.

This whole show needs to end like NOW. Cena gets a very mixed reaction to put it mildly. Of course the lumberjacks get in a big showdown and Cena has a black eye from Sabu from Monday. The lumberjacks do their usual thing as I wonder what the point of a lumberjack match is. Were there ever lumberjacks used for one? This turns into a contest of who can throw the other person to the floor the most.

Cena takes a cane shot from Sandman and Sabu hits the Triple Jump as he becomes an Olympian apparently. He hooks that horrible looking one armed camel clutch of his as Cena makes his comeback. And a low blow stops that. Lawler HATES ECW. That’s an understatement if there ever was one. The big fight finally breaks out so Cena goes to the floor and hits an FU on Richards to put him in the crowd. Sabu throws a chair at Cena and it wraps around his head in a cool visual.

Cena pelts it at Sabu and hits an FU over the top through a table. When I say through I mean Sabu hits the edge of the table and looks like he broke his back. He taps to the STFU to just further bury ECW as this wasn’t even 7 minutes.

Rating: D. What a mess this was. I have no idea what the point of this was other than to just get Cena on the card somehow. This wasn’t any good at all and I can’t really blame Sabu for it as this was going to be bad no matter who was in it. I’m still trying to get the point of this and I think it’s in vain.

Cena and Van Dam have a staredown. Van Dam respects him and offers him a title shot tomorrow on Raw. They shake hands and it’s kind of a cool moment. Pretty sure Edge interfered to set up the triple threat the next week where Edge took the belt.

We recap DX vs. Vince, which is over Shawn telling Vince to grow up. So Vince got male cheerleaders to beat him up. This was terrible so it went on for months. This of course gets the longest buildup of anything on the show. DX slimed the SS on Monday. I kid you not, they dropped slime on them.

Spirit Squad vs. DX

Oh and for their big return, DX comes out first of course. This whole show is making my skull ache. So there is NO DRAMA here at all, even though the SS are the tag champions. This show needs to end, and they saved the worst for last. No one buys this as a legit challenge and they shouldn’t. It’s one fall, and the current OVW Champion is on the heel team.

Also Ross points out that the Squad has never beaten DX. That’s just brilliant: point out that this has been one sided. The Squad has air horns and matching outfits and all that jazz. Shawn and Mitch start us off. If my memory is right, he’s the least talented one. Let that sink in for a bit. Shawn gets ganged up on in the corner and beats all five of them up. Give me a break. HHH finally comes in since Shawn hasn’t broken a sweat yet.

This is pointless and I know this match has just gotten started. Johnny gets his nose busted up and comes in. He, I kid you not, pulls out a bandana with a Japanese sun and Japanese characters on it and pretends he’s the Karate Kid. A comedy match is ending the PPV. Shoot me. Please. HHH hits the Flair knee drop to further mess up his nose. Johnny is talented too but he was just too small to be worth much. And now he gets pantsed.

A quadruple team gets HHH so close to trouble that he can see it with a telescope. And he’s fine in like 8 seconds and tags Shawn to no pop at all. Shawn does his usual stuff and hits the elbow. Mikey hits what we would call Trouble in Paradise and actually gets a cover! Kenny gets a chair shot that comes maybe a foot away from Shawn’s head but whatever. Mitch gets a running start and jumps on a trampoline to get from the floor over the top rope for a bulldog.

I hate this match. I truly do. Shawn’s beating gets about as much heat as Antarctica so HHH comes in and beats them up. Mikey messes up on the trampoline so four of them are down. Kenny, for lack of the better term the leader, takes the Pedigree to end it. Mitch gets his face shoved into HHH’s back to end it with a Vince staredown.

Rating: F. The main event of a PPV had a guy being pantsed, air horns and trampolines. Do I need to make fun of this? There was NO drama at all here and it was more or less one sided the whole way. Horrible match so of course it got 18 minutes.

Overall Rating
: D-. I wanted this show to end after the Edge/RVD match. For the life of me I cannot see any reason for the matches going in the order they did. At least Van Dam vs. Edge was fairly good, but to have three matches go after it? I get that for a major show like Mania or Summerslam, but this is Vengeance for crying out loud. Did we need to see the 5-2 beatdown for nearly 20 minutes? I certainly didn’t.

I mean look at this card. It looks like a decent house show. Either way, this didn’t work at all for me and was just a flat out bad show with no matches worth going out of your way to see at all. Awful show but we reunite the brands next year so that’s a good thing.

 

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WWE vs. ECW – Head to Head: It’s Good, But Why Does This Show Exist?

WWE vs. ECW: Head to Head
Date: June 7, 2006
Location: Nutter Center, Dayton, Ohio
Attendance: 4,700
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles, Tazz

Since I’m in ECW mode at the time, I thought I’d take this one out as well. This is the one off special from just before One Night Stand as well as before the relaunch of ECW as a weekly show. I don’t really know if there was a point to this but it aired on a Wednesday night which is pretty much the only night of the week without wrestling of some kind. Let’s get to it.

This is less than a week before One Night Stand.

Foley gives the WWE guys a pep talk. They’re all in Raw or Smackdown shirts looking like matching softball teams.

Heyman does the same for the ECW boys.

There’s a 20 man battle royal tonight, plus Cena faces Sabu.

Jerry and Tazz almost get into it before the show.

Resy Mysterio vs. Rob Van Dam

Rey is Smackdown world champion. The ECW guys come from the hole in the brick wall set off to the side of the main set. They’re both good guys here so they shake hands after speeding to a standoff. Van Dam hits a gorilla press slam and standing moonsault as Joey bashes WWE announcers for not calling the names of moves. Rey comes back and tries the 619 but RVD gets to the floor. Rey dropkicks him to the floor but his baseball slide is countered.

Van Dam rams him into the barricade but misses a standing legdrop to send him disappearing behind the barricade in a great looking spot. Rey hits a HUGE springboard plancha into the crowd to take out Van Dam as we take a break. Back with Rey pounding away but Rob crotches him on top and dropkicks him to the floor.

Back in the slingshot guillotine legdrop gets two. Rob gets a chair because this is No DQ all of a sudden. He hits the chair skateboard in the corner for two. That chair isn’t good enough I guess so here’s a second chair but Rey blocks it and hits a middle rope bulldog onto the chair for two. Rey tries to Drop the Dime but RVD moves and Rey crashes. Five Star ends this kind of clean.

Rating: B-. This would be the running issue for Rey’s title run: he kept losing almost every match he was in, most of the time without cheating. Rob was a big star and would win the world title on Sunday but that doesn’t mean that this was a good choice. Why did it need to be Rey and not another big name that wasn’t world champion?

We recap Orton hitting an RKO on Angle on Raw.

Here’s Angle who is now part of ECW. Heyman got two draft picks to bring over to his brand and picked Angle along with RVD. Angle snapped Orton’s ankle a few months back so there’s your story. Orton has accepted Angle’s open challenge and will be the first person to face ECW’s Kurt Angle. Here’s Orton for a rebuttal. He talks about Angle going from the main event of Wrestlemania down to ECW being like going from a summer blockbuster to hardcore adult films.

Orton is a big star on Raw and Kurt should be afraid. Kurt says this is the new ECW and Angle is part of it. Angle doesn’t have to worry about offending Vince anymore so on Sunday he’ll break Orton’s ankle, arms, legs and neck. Orton yells about how Angle broke his ankle already and that Angle got drafted for a reason: it’s destiny. Orton says he’ll win on Sunday and bring ECW to its knees and kill its legend.

Mickie James vs. Jazz

Mickie is Women’s Champion but this is non-title. Jazz works on the arm to start but gets kicked to the floor where Mickie hits the Thesz Press off the apron. Back in Jazz hits her X-Factor (Jazz Stinger) for two but Mickie hits an Impaler for the pin. This was nothing.

We get a clip from Raw and the RVD/Cena contract signing. ECW guys came out and left him laying. Cena talks about how this Sunday the WWE Championship could go to ECW. This title has been held by men like Sammartino, Hogan and Austin but if Cena loses, it becomes the ECW Championship. If Cena loses, he’ll be the biggest goat in wrestler. There won’t be a single WWE fan in the Hammerstein Ballroom and if Cena wins, he’ll be in the middle of the biggest riot in wrestling history. What he’s going to do though is put his head down and start swinging. Tonight he makes his statement against Sabu. GREAT promo here.

Here’s Heyman to talk about the PPV and the debut of the new ECW TV show. This is the ECW version of looking at the graphics of the matches that you always see for a PPV build. We get a quick video on One Night Stand last year which was awesome.

Angle gives the ECW guys a pep talk before the battle royal.

Big Show does the same.

Battle Royal

We’ve got ten from each here, with WWE being Edge, Big Show, Carlito, Shelton, Finlay, Lashley, Matt Hardy, Orton, and two other guys I can’t see. The ECW guys are more or less their whole roster minus RVD. You win by team, not individually. The other two WWE guys are Tatanka and Mark Henry. For the life of me I don’t get why Tatanka was rehired. Shelton and Lashley are the midcard champions. The WWE guys (at least six of which wound up on ECW and four of which won the ECW Title) get individual entrances to kill some time. The ECW guys come out as a unit.

Dreamer goes after Edge on the floor and we’re ready to go. Henry is out almost immediately. There goes Matt as well as Guido. It’s your usual battle royal: they fight a lot and there’s no way to tell what’s going on. Tatanka is out as is Carlito. Edge hasn’t been in yet but throws out Tony Mamaluke. Orton dumps Dreamer and we take a break. Back with I’m assuming the same amount of people.

Edge is still on the floor and pulls Finlay out. There goes Credible and Snow follows him out. Richards is out and ECW is in trouble. Balls Mahoney is out thanks to Lashley but Angle throws out Lashley. So for ECW it’s Angle and Sandman and about five guys left for WWE. Big Show, Rated RKO, Finlay and Benjamin. We take the second break of the match to come back to Sandman being tossed.

Edge is chilling on the announcers’ desk. Angle dumps Benjamin but it’s still him vs. Finlay, Show, Orton and Edge. Angle suplexes the smaller guys and Angle Slams Big Show. Finlay goes after Angle but gets tossed to get it down to 3-1. Edge comes in but his spear is countered into a belly to belly to get rid of him. Orton throws Angle out to win.

Rating: D. As usual with battle royals other than the Rumble, this was boring. The problem at the end of the day with ECW is that most of their guys didn’t mean anything so they had an army of jobbers and a mercenary in Angle to lead them. That’s what caught up to them in the Invasion and it’s not helping anything here.

Oh never mind as Big Show reveals an ECW shirt and throws out Angle to win. Remember what I was saying about mercenaries? That counts apparently because all you need to do is put on a shirt to change your contract.

The ECW guys celebrate in the back.

Edge vs. Tommy Dreamer

This is under extreme rules. Dreamer comes at him with a barbed wire 2×4 but Edge ducks and they head to the floor. Foley and Funk are at ringside. Back inside Edge takes over as the announcers bicker. Tazz defends ECW and Lawler says choking people out is ECW. The announcers ignore the match WCW style as Edge kills Dreamer with a trashcan lid. Dreamer takes the Raven drop toehold into the chair.

Edge hits the Impaler into a trashcan as JR tries to call the match. That only gets two as Lawler and Tazz are ripping into each other. At least it led to a match on Sunday. Dreamer kicks Edge low and puts Edge in the Tree of Woe. Dreamer and Funk get a table as Hornswoggle is brought into the argument. Dreamer loads up a superplex through the table but Lita makes the save.

Funk goes after Lita but Foley chokes him out with barbed wire. Edge loads up a powerbomb through the table but Dreamer counters with a backdrop. He totally misjudges where the table is and Edge lands mostly on his head. Death Valley Driver gets two but Lita comes in with the cane which doesn’t work. Dreamer loads up a powerbomb and gets speared for the pin.

Rating: C. The interesting thing here was the commentary rather than the match. The match was an above average hardcore match and I can’t complain much about it. Other than that though, the commentary was very different than usual as the entire match was spent arguing instead of talking about the match, which is what Styles ranted about weeks before.

Here’s Foley in the ring and he’s mad about the fans saying he sold out. He loved ECW but it didn’t love him. ECW asked too much of him and eventually he left to find fame and fortune in WWE. The difference between him and Dreamer: Foley will do anything for money but Dreamer wouldn’t sell out. Seven years ago he pulled a sock out of his pants and Vince laughed, making Foley a star. Dreamer only has his pride and ECW. Maybe the Foley vs. Edge match from Wrestlemania wasn’t as good as they thought. Maybe they’ll have to be even tougher in the Hammerstein Ballroom.

Terry Funk is still the toughest man in wrestling and can do things that no one else ever has. Funk is in pain every day that he wakes up but he wants to have one more moment. Foley blew him up in Japan and Terry hugged him. He set Funk on fire in Philadelphia and Funk put his arm around him. That’s not what Mick wants anymore. ECW is the w**** and there’s nothing that he won’t do to get back at ECW after what it did to him. Awesome stuff again here. Foley was full on heel here and he could bring it in that role.

Jerry and Tazz almost get into it again. Actually this time they do and it’s a decent brawl.

We recap Cena getting jumped two night ago to set up the main event.

John Cena vs. Sabu

This is also Extreme Rules. They start quickly and Cena drops an elbow for two. Release fisherman’s suplex gets two. Sabu sends him to the floor and dives on Cena before pelting the chair at Cena’s head. The Triple Jump Moonsault gets two. All Sabu here so far. Air Sabu gets the same. Arabian Facebuster sends Cena to the floor. Over to the table and Sabu drops a leg on Cena on the table. Sabu tries a dive in the corner but gets caught in the FU. STFU looks to finish but here’s Big Show for the DQ. In an ECW Extreme Rules match. This thing was dead on arrival.

Rating: C+. Fun match here as Cena was selling and Sabu wasn’t screwing up everything. Amazing what happens when you put someone competent in there with him and give him about six minutes. The FU to almost end it looked good too, making this a fun match ruined by a very bad ending.

The locker room empties out and a big brawl ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a good show but I have no idea what the point of it was. I mean, other than Big Show defecting, what was gained here? That could have been done on any show but they did it here. It’s not a bad thing but I don’t really get why it needed to exist. Still though, good show as fast paced as it was.

Here’s One Night Stand if you’re interested:

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Wrestlemania #14: Best Passing Of The Torch Ever?

This was a really hard one to come up with a question for.The show is a lot better than I remember it being and it was hard to find anything for debate.  The best I can do here is ask if there’s ever been a better example of passing the torch to someone else than here with Austin.  if there is, I can’t think of it.  Austin takes over as champion and is immediately the official top man in the company, which everyone knew already.  Is this the best example of that moment ever?  I’d certainly think so.

 

Thoughts?




Wrestlemania Count-Up – #14: It’s Austin’s World And We’re Just Living In It

Wrestlemania 14
Date: March 29, 1998
Location: Fleetcenter, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 19,028
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: Chris Warren

We have arrived in the Attitude Era full blast now. As of last year’s Wrestlemania, it was about as obvious as possible that Austin was going to be the guy that the company put itself on for the foreseeable future. Bret was gone due to Montreal and, we didn’t know it at the time, but Shawn was on his way out. This show was based completely around storyline with wrestling thrown in on the side.

The big deal at this show was Mike Tyson. Floyd Mayweather at last year’s show was nothing but a cheap imitation of this. Tyson being on the show was absolutely mind blowing at the time as he was one of the biggest names in the world. We all knew Austin would get the belt, but with Tyson there we wanted to see how he did it. The other feud was a mind blowing one as well with Kane vs. the Undertaker.

That feud is about as epic as you can get so I’ll go into the explanation for that when it’s time. This was the first show that was completely in the new era and it’s clear that the company was going in a new direction. You can see that in the very first match of the show. Before that though, we get an excellent video talking about how the new generation is killing off the tradition of Wrestlemania, but it questions if they really are doing so. Check it out if you get the chance. Where was I? Oh yes, let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how there’s a new era in the company. This era is full of brash young men that are fighting for the same title that Hogan and Sammartino had. Tonight instead of fighting history, they will become it. Cool opening video.

With no pyro or anything, it’s time for the first match.
Tag Team Battle Royal

Los Boricuas (Vega/Perez), Los Boricuas (Estrada/Castillo), Truth Commission, Bradshaw/Chainz, Nation of Domination (Henry/Brown), Nation of Domination (Farrooq/Kama), Quebecers, New Midnight Express (Bart Gunn and Bob Holly), Rock N Roll Express (original), Headbangers, Too Much (Too Cool), Disciples of Apocalypse, Steve Blackman/Flash Funk, Godwins, Legion of Doom 2000
This is for a title shot the following month at Unforgiven. The LOD is returning here, managed by the epitome of sex appeal, Sunny. If you ask most people here, Sunny was one of their first crushes. Just an absolute goddess. Anyway, this is a pretty big mess of a match. The rules are that if one man is eliminated, so is his partner. The RVD sign in the crowd amuses me. The crowd is going nuts for LOD, who were always ridiculously over.

We only see the intros of Farrooq/Kama and the LOD, more or less saying who the winners are automatically. Why there’s a remix of their song I have no idea. Anyway, Animal is in shorts now and Sunny is in very little. LOUD LOD chant starts up. Everyone starts on the floor so it’s a big brawl to start. Savio goes out. There isn’t much to say here as everything is a big mess with 30 people in the ring to start.

Kurrgan comes out and eliminates the Truth Commission. Barry Windham comes out to get rid of Chainz and Bradshaw. Thankfully that clears up a bit of space here. D’lo and Henry are out. The Quebecers are out. This is going so fast that you can’t keep up with anything at all. The original Express is out. This is annoying beyond belief.

Castillo and Estrada are out. Headbangers are out. Henry is still in there even though his partner is out. I have no idea who is left. Henry is gone finally. Too Much is gone and Lawler is mad. Uh the Godwins, the DOA, the LOD, New Midnights and that’s it. We slow WAY down and this is just boring.

The DOA is finally out. We went from like two eliminations a minute to one in three minutes. Ok the DOA is still in. Now the Godwins are out as is DOA. The Godwins get their buckets to drill LOD, making it harder for the new Midnights to pick them up and toss them as the LOD are now dead weight. Animal goes under the ropes but Hawk hangs on. I think you know the ending here. The LOD clean house and almost stereo eliminations give the old guys the win.

Rating: D-. This was awful. The ending was known far before the match ended, the eliminations were awful as they went far too fast, and there were WAY too many people in the ring at once with 30 being in there at the beginning. This team went nowhere for the most part but anytime Sunny looks like that you can’t call it a failure at all.
Light Heavyweight Championship: Taka Michinoku vs. Aguila

This is the epitome of filler. No one ever knew what to do with these guys so it would be Taka vs. random opponent of the month. This whole title was just a waste and I don’t think anyone missed it when it was exiled to Metal. It was clearly a response to the Crusierweights, but the problem was simple: most of the good cruiserweights were taken already.

Aside from Taka, the WWF guys had no personality, no substance to them at all, and were just dull. There was absolutely no structure to the division whatsoever. See what I’m doing here? I’m typing this out so I don’t have to be bored to death by this match. Dang it I have to watch it I guess. There was zero transition here at all either as we just start the match. No entrance for Taka either.

They slap hands to start and here we go. This is very much like the Moolah Women’s Title defenses back in the 70s and early 80s. Asai moonsault by Aguila who is only 19. We head to the floor for the second time tonight as Taka hits a huge plancha to take down Aguila.

We go into the ring and the fans go into their seats. No one cares about these guys and it’s pretty clear. There’s a reason why this division bombed and I’ve gone into it already. We go to the floor for the third time in less than three minutes. Taka counters for a bit but gets caught by a top rope armdrag.

Aguila does some great flips and we’re on the floor one more time. Nice corkscrew plancha by Aguila takes Taka down as we’re doing high spot, rest, high spot, rest, lather rinse repeat. Moonsault by Aguila gets two. Middle rope splash gets knees for Taka and the champion is in trouble. Michinoku Driver and a moonsault miss but Taka gets a counter with a dropkick and the second attempt at the Driver ends this.

Rating: D+. The match was fine but at the same time, this was rather pointless. It’s the definition of filler as there was no reason to care about any character. Only Taka got any kind of extended camera time and when the challengers are all gone a week later, why in the world should I get interested? The division never worked and those are some reasons why.

We see some woman that had something to do with Bill Clinton interviewing the Rock. This is completely hilarious as Rock is the most egomaniacal person of all time, saying that all the major issues like homelessness aren’t important as long as his lawn is clean. He’s the judge and jury and is always a hung jury, if you smell what he’s cooking. If my memory is right, that’s the debut of that line. He makes sex jokes about interns and is absolutely hilarious.

European Title: HHH vs. Owen Hart

This feud is a residual effect from Montreal. The time of HHH as leader of DX was on the horizon as was his face turn. That would lead to one of the best feuds of the late 90s between him and the Rock, culminating in an absolute war in the ladder match at Summerslam. Chris Warren and the DX Band play HHH to the ring. He’s champion here and Chyna will be handcuffed to Sgt. Slaughter, the commissioner, during the match.

We get a quick video of Owen’s bad ankle being destroyed by Chyna and losing the title to HHH as a result. Owen never got his big match with Shawn and was more or less buried and fed to HHH who moved on to bigger stuff. Owen was given the European Title after beating Goldust to keep him appeased but the writing was totally on the wall at that point.

Setting up the handcuffs takes FOREVER. Owen comes out and the fight is on in a hurry. Bret is actually mentioned here which is odd to hear indeed. Hurricanrana gets two. Owen was insane in the ring at times for someone his size. HHHHH gets in a shot to the knee and we hit the floor. Chyna tries to interfere but gets stopped cold by Slaughter.

Owen takes over again and we go back to the ring. Sharpshooter almost goes on but HHH rakes the eyes. Hart lowers his head and gets a facebuster because of it. Well if you do it that obviously you deserve to get a knee to the face. Crotch chop to Owen. Earl Hebner isn’t here tonight and is in intensive care for some reason. He’s watching Mania though, probably thinking of how to screw over Owen for a change.

Suplex by HHH gets no cover. Jerry screams at HHH to go for the ankle but it’s a Flair knee drop instead. DDT gets two. HHH finally goes after the ankle and the big beaked Canadian is screaming in pain. Owen’s nose is busted. More ankle work but Owen gets some shots in to take over a bit. He ducks a boot and slides HHH’s balls into the post. Get Stephanie stat!

Missile dropkick gets two as the ankle is ok enough for that I guess. Quick belly to belly gets two. Enziguri puts HHH down but it reinjures the ankle and down goes Owen. The delay allows HHH to kick out before the three. Rana is blocked into a powerbomb for two for HHH. Chyna keeps trying to interfere as Owen gets a cross body for two.

Pedigree is blocked into another Sharpshooter attempt but Owen manages to fall on the little Pedigrees again for two. Owen lowers his head again and almost gets caught in the Pedigree again. Instead it’s reversed into the Sharpshooter but Chyna is able to pull HHH to the ropes even with Sarge out there. That’s rather impressive. Chyna gets some white powder from somewhere (read as Waltman) and throws it in Slaughter’s eyes. A low blow to Owen lets HHH hit the Pedigree to end it.

Rating: B-. This was a pretty solid match but they needed a few more minutes. Also the cheating at the end made the Slaughter aspect completely pointless. It’s good but there’s just not enough there to warrant a higher grade. I liked it though as Owen and HHH were both good in the ring with HHH being a shell of what he would become.

Chyna beats up Slaughter post match to a big pop just because she can.

Apparently we have some technical difficulties as Vince should be checked for a heart attack. I didn’t notice anything.

We recap Sable vs. Mero with him being starved for attention while Sable became a star. He got Goldust and Luna to help him in some weird way. This was one of the weirder angles in the early Attitude Era which is saying a lot. Luna wanted to make Sable ugly and Mero defended her, bringing Goldie into it. This takes like three minutes to explain.

Marc Mero/Sable vs. Luna and Goldust

Oh he’s the Artist Formerly Known as Goldust here. I lay corrected. Mero is a boxer character here which mirrors his real life background. Goldie is of course dressed in a ridiculous outfit. Sable and Luna want to start us off. Sable is about as clueless as you could ask for. Remember that as I’ll get back to it later. Actually the guys start us off as the genders have to match here.

Off to the women as Sable gets a loud pop. Luna runs and the chase is on. Luna gets back in the ring and tags out so it’s back to the men. Mero backdrops Goldust and it’s off to Sable and Luna. Luna of course hides again like the heel she is so it’s back to Mero and Goldie again. You may notice Sable is doing NOTHING here.

Goldust gets a clothesline out of the corner to put Mero down and take over for a bit. Both guys go for cross bodies and it’s Goldust taking over again. The fans want Sable and I can’t say I blame them. She does look good here. Sable finally comes in to fight Luna and hammers away. She’s incredibly sloppy and fires “martial arts” kicks. Goldie gets drilled also and Luna is reeling.

She manages to get the tag off to Goldie so Sable hits him too. Mero beats on Goldust on the floor but can’t get a slingshot splash to come back in. Sable distracts the referee and Mero gets a low blow. TKO is countered into a DDT for two. Curtain call is reversed and Mero gets a running knee lift and a moonsault press for two. Top rope rana gets two and a rollup from heel miscommunication does the same.

TKO isn’t as crisp as it should be but Luna saves. Sable tags herself in and tries to pin Goldust. Luna misses a splash and Sable debuts her powerbomb to get two. See, for a big move like that it should END THE MATCH. Instead she ends it a few seconds later with a bad TKO.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here considering the star was Sable and Mero vs. Goldust was the core of this. While the did the lifting here, that still gives us the logical conclusion. Of course Sable gets the glory here by being told she’s such a great wrestler. This led to a somewhat sad story actually. After this match, Luna, a long since established veteran, claims that Sable refused to learn how to take bumps and would only get punched or slapped while Luna did all the work.

After the match, Sable was congratulated by everyone while Luna was left completely alone, with the exception of one person telling her she did well: Owen Hart. If you watch the match, you can see that Sable is completely clueless and is only able to do the two big moves that she knew. Other than that it’s all Luna. Also, Luna had always wanted to be the Women’s Champion, yet never got it because of Sable. A very sad story to me.

Jeff Jarrett and that woman from the Rock interview are presented to the crowd in a total waste of time. Oh and Tennessee Lee, the promoter of Jeff Jarrett, introduces them. He’s more famous as Colonel Robert Parker in WCW. Thank goodness the Nation of Domination’s music plays to hurry this along.

Intercontinental Title: The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock

This was an interesting little feud here. Shamrock was built up to be this fighting machine that had Rock’s number. Recently, Rock had gotten under Farooq’s, the leader of the Nation, skin, claiming that he, the Rock, was the reason for the group’s success. Four members of the Nation including the Rock are at ringside to face Shamrock. God that woman’s voice is annoying. Flowers is doing the announcing if you didn’t get that.

Shamrock really was sweet at what he did. He knew how to fight and he made sure you knew it. While never a great wrestler, he was completely legit and it made him that much more impressive sounding. Rock’s heritage is explained for the ten thousandth time, without it once being explained why his last name was Maivia and his father’s last name was Johnson.

It’s so weird because I’m watching Raw leading up to this as well as this show today so it’s kind of intriguing to see every little bit that set this up. Shamrock had been owning Rock recently and had let Rock get a clean chairshot which would get them fired today. Also Rock hit Farrooq with a chair for no apparent reason.

Shamrock sprints to the ring and it’s on. Rock ducks a lot of punches but gets kicked in the head to take him down. If Rock gets disqualified he loses the title. After some brawling on the floor it’s back in the ring and all Shamrock. The Nation interferes a bit to give Rock control as he sends Shamrock into the steps.

People’s Elbow isn’t quite of the people yet but it’s still good for two. Shamrock is up quickly, likely because it’s just an elbow. Rock is sent to the floor one more time and Shamrock grabs a chair. He shoves the referee down and Rock gets a BIG chair shot to the head for two. That was absolutely sick and is a great example of why those can be a bad thing. Shamrock does his usual stuff, grabs the ankle lock (yes, KEN SHAMROCK brought it to American pro wrestling, not Kurt Angle) for the quick tap to win the title!

Rating: C+. This was very quick but it did the job it was supposed to. Shamrock looked like an animal here and he massacred Rock with relative ease. When it was one on one Rock was completely overmatched and had to cheat to get anything going. The quick tap out was nice also.

Post match the Nation attacks and Shamrock fights them all off. Shamrock grabs the ankle lock again as Farrooq comes down. He looks at Rock and just walks away, more or less turning face. Shamrock grabs the hold again as referees and officials come down. They get their beatings too and Rock is taken out on a stretcher.

Shamrock’s eyes are FREAKY. Due to the beatings, the decision is reversed and Rock keeps the title. He goes after Rock and beats on him even more. Rock wouldn’t lose the title until August at Summerslam and Shamrock wouldn’t get it until October.

The WWF guys say they’re real athletes, which is true.

There’s a gate record tonight as there has never been a more lucrative event in this city. I find that hard to believe with Patriot games or Red Sox games.

Tag Titles: Cactus Jack/Chainsaw Charlie vs. New Ago Outlaws

The backstory here is simple. Jack was feuding with the Outlaws and got tired of getting beaten up, so he got his friend Charlie, a.k.a. Terry Funk to help him. Eventually the Outlaws threw them in a dumpster and threw them off the stage. This match for the tag titles is the result of that act. It’s dumpster match which means you have to put both guys in the dumpster.

Road Dogg is getting the entrance there but doesn’t quite have it yet since they’re not in DX yet. There’s a dumpster at ringside. This is far more of a brawl than a match as you would expect. They hit the floor immediately and the beating is on. It’s Cactus vs. Road Dogg and Funk vs. Gunn. Cactus tries a flip at Road Dogg but bounces off the dumpster instead.

The Outlaws are in control early and manage to get Funk into the dumpster. Roadie hits a Russian Leg Sweep to ram Cactus’ head into the dumpster. That was SICK. The Outlaws slam the lids of the dumpster on the back of the heads of their challengers. Cactus is in the dumpster while Funk is abused. Both challengers are in now and Gunn celebrates but Cactus gets up and gets a double Mandible Claw. They couldn’t shut the lid so the match isn’t over.

Funk pops out of the dumpster with a cookie sheet to hammer away some more. Cactus and Funk take turns giving neckbreakers to Road Dogg as this is a total brawl. Cactus Elbow with a cookie sheet to Gunn on the floor. He looks for more toys and finds a ladder. Oh dear. Cactus and Billy climb it for no apparent reason and get launched into the dumpster.

They both get out but Funk is powerbombed into it by Billy. The Outlaws take Cactus to the back and we don’t have a camera there so we see some replays. Ah there’s a shot in the back with Cactus falling into everything. After being thrown into some massive soda bottles, Cactus finds a chair to even the odds. He puts both Outlaws on a forklift which Funk commandeers to put them in a dumpster to win the titles.

Rating: C+. Hard one to grade here as it was a total mess to say the least. That being said, the challengers worked VERY hard out there and it’s not like the Outlaws ever wrestled anyway. The ending would come into play the next night on raw as the Outlaws would get the decision overturned because they were put into the wrong dumpster. Later that night, the company just happened to have a steel cage handy so the titles were on the line in a cage match. DX interfered, giving the titles to the Outlaws, who finally joined DX.

Now we get to the real stuff on this card. This whole show was built around two matches: the WWF Title match, and this one right here. In what might have been the best booked “silly” feud of all time, the Undertaker was set to do battle with his brother Kane. My God this was built up perfectly. Sit back, because this is a long backstory.

After Paul Bearer betrayed Taker at Summerslam 96, Taker was going after him. Midway through the previous year when Taker was WWF Champion, he feuded with Mankind, managed by Bearer. During that feud, Bearer mentioned the name Kane. This drove Taker insane as he kept trying to cover up what this name meant. Finally Bearer revealed that it was Taker’s brother, and that Taker attempted to kill him.

This led to Bearer eventually saying that when Taker’s parents were killed in a fire, the Undertaker was the person that started the fire in an attempt to kill his parents. What wasn’t known was that his brother was in the house with them. Taker says that it was an accident and that he tried to rescue them but firefighters held him back. Bearer would go on to reveal that he was in fact Kane’s father.

This results in one of the worst beatings ever recorded on WWF television, but it ends with Paul saying that it’s the truth and that Kane told him, because Kane was still alive. Apparently Paul rescued him from the fire and cared for him for the last 20 years, which was unknown to Taker.

This was all revealed over a several month long period of time. Finally, in August, Taker was facing Shawn Michaels in the first ever Hell in a Cell match. Shawn gets one of the worst beatings of all time, but as Taker signals for the Tombstone, the lights go out and we hear organ music. An explosion goes off and a 7ft giant walks through the curtain, accompanied by Paul Bearer.

Taker is stunned as this man rips the door to the cage off and tombstones Taker, allowing Shawn to pin him. There was one key to this whole thing that made it work to me: for probably 3 months, you only heard about Kane. Until the night of the Cell match, you never saw him.

You didn’t know what he looked like, you didn’t know how he dressed, you didn’t know how big he was. You knew absolutely nothing at all but what you heard. All you knew was he was the Undertaker’s brother. After all the buildup you got about him, no matter what he looked like when you finally saw him, he was going to be awesome. That my friends, is how you build up a character.

Anyway, Kane of course wants to fight his brother. In the interest of ratings, Taker says no way. Kane begins just destroying people left and right, including two brothers named Matt and Jeff. They never did anything after that I don’t think. Kane would randomly run in and beat people up, all while begging the Undertaker to fight him.

He would come to the ring and beat up his brother, but Taker kept insisting he couldn’t fight his own flesh and blood. Kane punched him one night and raised him hand to do it again, but Taker blocked it. The crowd went nuts over him simply raising him arm. Taker didn’t fight back though and got beaten up again.

Finally, Taker and Shawn were feuding again, leading up to the Rumble. HHH kept interfering, but one night, out of absolutely nowhere, Kane helped his brother. That Sunday at the Rumble, Taker was gang attacked and Kane came out. However, he beat up his brother and shut him in the casket, costing him the match. Kane then locked it shut and set it on fire.

However, after this occurred, it was revealed that the casket was empty, prompting Paul Bearer to be absolutely terrified, knowing that Taker was still alive somewhere. Kane continued to ravage the company, until one night on Raw, the arena was covered by a blue light, and druids brought out a body on a pedestal. A bolt of lightning hit it, and the man on it rose up, revealing himself to be the Undertaker himself.

In a completely over the top yet still amazing promo, the Deadman said he will gain his revenge on his little brother, accepting his challenge for Wrestlemania. The next week on Raw, Kane was in the ring having called out his brother, yet instead Taker appeared on top of the titantron, talking about how Kane would feel his wrath. Taker then threw a lightning bolt at the stage, igniting a coffin that was standing up. Inside was an effigy of Kane, that began burning.

And that finally leads us to this. The video on the PPV took over five minutes so you know this was a long story.
Kane vs. The Undertaker

Before the match, Pete Rose appears, insulting Boston. Kane then comes out and tombstones Pete Rose, starting a three year running joke feud between the two which was rather funny in my eyes. This was kind of funny but went on too long. Rose sounds drunk too. Also, was there a need to make Kane a face for 8 seconds like that? Anyway, JR puts it just right: as Taker is about to appear, JR says, “This ovation will be not of this world.” He couldn’t’ have been more correct.

The fans all have their lighters out, they’re going crazy, Taker has a line of druids all holding up torches which he walks under, the lightning, the thunder, the smoke, and Taker dressed in his demonic attire. It was absolutely amazing looking and finally the pair face off in the middle of the ring. This is still the best entrance of his I’ve ever seen. This match might have the best build up I’ve ever seen, which is covering a lot of ground.

Taker’s offense is no sold to start which is going to be something you read a lot in this review. Kane launches him into the corner but Taker keeps moving. Almost all Taker so far. Short clothesline by Kane but Taker pops up. Kane gets him in a Tombstone position but rams him into the buckle instead. You have to remember this is maybe the fifth match Kane had in this gimmick, at least two of which had been squashes. This isn’t something he’s used to yet.

Kane takes over and we slow things WAY down. These two seem incapable of having a good match for some reason. Taker winds up on Kane’s shoulders so Kane shoves him face first into the mat. Well kind of as it didn’t go like it was supposed to but you get the idea.

Out to the floor now as Taker is dropped across the railing. Kane drops the steps on Taker’s back as Bearer has the referee. The steps make a big sound and hit the referee in the leg, yet somehow the referee doesn’t call a DQ. Makes sense right? Taker is apparently trying to get Kane to punch himself out. Chokeslam gets two as Kane pulls his brother up.

We hit the chinlock. Now let’s time this as it goes on for FAR too long overall. Yet again we get the beginning of the Streak wrong, saying it started at Mania 8 instead of 7. Minute and a half on this particular chinlock until Taker breaks it up. A clothesline puts the more successful one down and it’s back to the chinlock. Just a minute this time as Taker lifts Kane up and puts him on the apron.

A big boot finally puts Kane on the floor. Taker dives over the ropes but Kane casually steps to the side and lets Taker crash into the table. Top rope clothesline puts Taker down again for two. You ever notice that everyone manhandles Taker better than the previous guy he fought?

Out of nowhere Taker grabs a Tombstone but Kane reverses into one of his own for a long two count. The crowd is barely alive for this by the way. Taker starts firing punches in and a big shot takes Kane down. Big boot is blocked so Taker has to settle for the Chokeslam. Taker gets the Tombstone but KANE KICKS OUT. This was unheard of as I don’t think that had ever been done.

Kane pops up so Taker has to hit a second Tombstone which AGAIN only gets two. Bearer is clutching his chest as he curses Undertaker. Taker goes up and hits a top rope clothesline to put Kane down one more time. The THIRD Tombstone finally gets the pin as he hooks a leg and Kane kicked out at about 3.1.

Rating: D+. While not great from a technical standpoint, this match’s build up was out of this world. A fine example of the hype carrying a match rather than the in ring work. The streak is beginning to mean something now as it reaches 7-0, although I don’t think that’s mentioned for another three years. The match itself more or less sucked, but the buildup was there and enough to make it passable. Cut about 5 minutes out of this and it goes WAY up.

Kane beats up Taker with a chair post match including a Tombstone on it.

We recap Austin vs. Shawn. Basically there’s not much build up here. Austin won the Rumble and got the title shot. On Raw one night, Vince had Mike Tyson show up as a guest, but Austin got in his face, flipping him off and starting a fight. This is what planted the seeds for the Austin vs. McMahon war that went on for nearly two years. Tyson is named the enforcer referee for the title match, but joins DX in between. It was his involvement with Austin that is credited with putting the WWF over the top of WCW, so in the end this was a great move.
WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels

If you didn’t get that, Mike Tyson is a guest referee and allegedly in Michaels’ pocket. Yep Austin is over. Austin and Tyson immediately get in each other’s faces. Tyson is actually the outside referee here which is probably better. He grabs at Austin’s foot just after the bell. As JR says, it don’t get no bigger than this. Austin flips Shawn off as we’re waiting around a bit before we get going.

Shawn scores with some fast punches and then runs like an intelligent lad. Here comes Austin though and we get the Heart Break Tights Lowering. Austin goes for the knee, I guess trying to get rid of Sweet Chin Music. Shawn, with his tights still down, gets backdropped onto DX on the floor.

HHH jumps Austin on the floor but the referee doesn’t disqualify Shawn due to it being too easy of a way out. HHH and Chyna are sent to the back to a huge pop. Austin beats up HHH by the band area because he can. Shawn drills him with a clothesline for hurting his life partner though as this is your standard Attitude Era brawl.

Back in the ring Shawn gets caught coming off the top and here comes Austin again. Flair flip in the corner and Shawn is more or less dead. Atomic drop gets two for the bald one. Austin knocks him off the apron and Shawn’s head smacks into the table. That looked sick. Austin hammers away and the elbow gets two.

We hit the chinlock as it’s clear Shawn is far weaker than he usually would be. Shawn fights back though and it’s time for the ring post. Austin pulls Shawn in and Shawn’s head rams the post instead. Nice and simple counter there. We hit the floor and Austin is sent into the crowd via a backdrop. Shawn pops him in the head with the bell which the referee didn’t see. Tyson did though and is like “I want a new rubber duckie. I’ll name it Albert and I can bite his head off in the tub!”

Back in the ring with Shawn dominating completely. He hammers away on Austin while Tyson cheers Shawn on. Shawn flips off the crowd and limps around the ring. Austin gets a kind of spear and hammers away. Shawn goes flying to the floor again and his back must just be dead. He gets the leg of Austin around the post though to reestablish his dominance.

Shawn works on the knee for a good while as he’s trying to take away the Stunner I guess. That makes sense. According to JR that’s what he’s doing at least. Austin gets knocked into the table by Shawn and Tyson throws him back in. Here’s the Figure Four from Shawn as he channels his inner other old crippled dude.

The hold goes on for a good while but Austin reverses and Shawn lets it go. Austin catapults him into the post for two and it’s time for a sleeper from Shawn. Naturally the referee is bumped and Austin hammers away. Shawn gets the forearm (minus the jump but I can accept that) and nips up.

Top rope elbow looks to kill Austin but there’s no striped shirt wearing referee. Shawn starts to tune up the band as his face looks horrible from the pain in his back. Austin ducks the kick, Shawn blocks the Stunner, Austin catches the kick, Stunner, Tyson slides in and Austin wins his first title! JR: “The Austin Era has begun.” Perfect description. Tyson puts on an Austin shirt and knocks Shawn the heck out to end the show.

Rating: B+. We all pretty much knew who was going to win here, but we watched to see how Tyson would play in and how Austin would do it. Looking back now and knowing how much pain Shawn was in because of his back, this match goes way up in impressiveness for me.

You can tell when Shawn is selling and when he’s in real pain and it’s good to see that despite Shawn being a complete jerk backstage, he would go out and perform despite the pain he was in. I don’t care how big of a jerk he was, that takes guts. This match pretty much comes down to who is going to hit their big move first.

The match itself is much better than I remember it being. That’s not saying much because I, like most people, barely remember it. We all know the ending and the buildup, but that’s about it. Good, underrated match.­

Overall Rating: B+. If there’s ever been a show where the torch was completely passed, you’re looking at it. Austin winning the title finally is as about as important of an event as you can possibly have in company history. It launched the WWF ahead of WCW in the war, although that wouldn’t be official for a few more weeks, and it was also the last time Shawn would wrestle for nearly 5 years.

However, even with the Taker match, the solid work elsewhere and only two bad matches, you really do have an all around solid show. It’s not great, but it’s certainly worth checking out. Skip the Light Heavyweight match and about five minutes of Taker/Kane and you’ll love the rest of it in theory.

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