Smackdown – February 1, 2001: Smackdown Extreme

Smackdown
Date: February 1, 2001
Location: Gund Arena, Cleveland, Ohio
Attendance: 11,757
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is a special called Smackdown Extreme. This was claimed to be live but from what I can tell, this was taped two days before. What exactly is extreme about it I’m not sure but I seem to remember some gimmick matches being added in here. This would be just after the Rumble so we need an opponent for Austin at Mania, so we need to start building up to No Way Out. Let’s get to it.

There’s a red X over the logo here because it’s EXTREME!!!

Rock vs. Angle for the title later.

Tag Titles: Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

The Dudleys are defending in their specialty here, the tables match. Only one has to go through a table for the win here. It’s a brawl to start as at the moment there’s no tagging going on. Jeff takes the reverse 3D and What’s Up Matt? The Dudleys set Jeff on a table but he punches Bubba in the balls. Jeff tries a top rope rana but D-Von moves the table. Jeff does the same to save Matt from a double flapjack.

In a cool spot, Bubba is about to superplex Jeff through a table but Matt dives through it instead. Bubba superplexes him onto the wreckage but it doesn’t count because Bubba didn’t drive Matt through it. That makes sense. Matt busts out a ladder and throws D-Von into it. The Hardys set up a table on the floor and then a second beside it. D-Von is placed onto one of them and Matt climbs the ladder but Bubba saves.

D-Von climbs up but Bubba throws Jeff into the two of them and they fall, SLAMMING THEIR HEADS INTO THE EDGE OF THE TABLE WIHCH DOESN’T BREAK!!! FREAKING OW MAN!!! Everyone is on the floor now with Bubba and Jeff up by the stage. Matt and D-Von are mostly dead as the others fight up by the production tables. They go up onto the stage and after a brief brawl, Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb to Jeff through the tables to retain.

Rating: C. Picture a match between these two teams and make it a tables match. That’s more or less what you had here and it wasn’t that bad. The problem these teams along with Edge/Christian had was you saw them do the matches so many times and it got very repetitive after awhile. This was entertaining enough though.

Austin is watching in the back.

All four guys are getting medical attention in the back. Lita comes up and Matt says go worry about winning the Women’s Title.

We recap HHH and Austin’s contract signing. The deal was if Austin hit HHH before the PPV, he lost his title shot. If HHH hit Austin before the PPV, he was suspended six months. HHH signed and then hit Austin, but he only pretended to sign and then laid Austin out.

Austin leaves his dressing room.

Women’s Title: Ivory vs. Lita vs. Jacqueline

Ivory is champion. The challengers slide to the floor to get at Ivory so she runs. That fails completely and the double beating continues. The fans are all behind Lita here. Lita gets a headscissors for two on Ivory and it’s your typical one girl beats on Ivory and the other saves the pin and then switch it up. Lit puts Jackie down and hits the moonsault but Ivory comes in to steal the pin. Just how I like my Jackie matches: short.

HHH and Steph get here and find that it was Austin’s dressing room they were in. They find beer cans everywhere and Austin comes out of their bathroom. Everything is leaking apparently and Stephanie is disgusted. This could get awesome.

Here are Edge/Christian who are all worried about their opponents. And they’re facing….Kai En Tai. The Canadians interfered in a tag title match for Kai En Tai on Monday to set this up. However, Funaki has a bad rash so the EVIL Kai En Tai has some replacements.

Edge/Christian vs. Acolytes

The APA rushes the ring and it’s Bradshaw vs. Christian to start. This is two days before the start of the XFL so you know Cole is going to plug that. Bradshaw goes after Edge and the distraction lets Christian hit a dropkick to take over. Off to Edge who beats on Bradshaw a bit until the future rich guy is able to bring in Farrooq. Everything breaks down and Christian escapes the Dominator. Edge slides in some chairs but Funaki takes the Concharito for him. Edge goes after Taka and Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Christian for the pin.

Rating: D+. Not much here but they went fast enough that it wasn’t going to get that bad. Also it allows Kai En Tai to get their revenge without making the Canadians look weak. Not a particularly good match but it did what it was supposed to do, which is as much as you can ask for most of the time. You wouldn’t get that today.

Vince yells at people saying that he has his own issues to deal with because he has his own problems. Regal comes in to say Vince has a phone call. Unless it’s Dick Ebersol Vince isn’t interested. Regal says it’s personal and whispers it to Vince, which makes him take it.

Vince is on the phone with someone and says that whoever it is is the most important person to them. That person is here in Columbus. Lawler thinks it’s Trish.

We talk about Chyna making personal appearances to plug her book. She was on Conan last night so we get a clip of it.

Billy Gunn is glad Chyna is keeping a positive mental attitude and has been making all those media appearances. Big Show comes in and is tired of hearing about Chyna so he shoves Billy down. He wants to know when he gets his interview because he’s been out six months.

Trish is in a bubble bath and is on the phone. Why she’s cool with a camera watching this is anyone’s guess. She says there’s plenty of room and wants whoever she’s talking to to come down there right now.

Video on Chris Jericho.

HHH is ticked off at Austin and says he’s not sure if he can make it to the end of this without getting suspended. Steph says calm down and focus on getting the title. She’s going to go talk to Vince because she has an idea.

Jericho, the IC Champion, says he knows extreme so he’s issuing an extreme open challenge for a title match right now.

Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. Taz

Taz says he’ll make Jericho just another victim. Jericho works on the arm to start with an attempt at a Fujiwara Armbar but Taz fights him off. A head and arms suplex puts Jericho down and out on the floor. Jericho gets rammed into the barricade and Taz hooks a chinlock back inside. Jericho gets a rollup but Taz gets out and clotheslines him down. Enziguri puts the challenger down and a forearm gets two. Taz grabs the Tazmission but Jericho escapes and the bulldog sets up the Lionsault for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Not bad again but this was again nothing special. This is something you don’t get anymore: one off title defenses to build up the champion a little bit. It doesn’t seem like much here but if you do this four or five times, the champion looks a lot better and is on a roll. See how easy it can be to do that?

Vince is about to leave when Stephanie comes up. He’s in a hurry but she says she has an idea. Vince is in such a hurry that he drives off himself. The idea is add HHH to the world title match tonight which Vince agrees to so he can get out.

Here’s The Kat in a very small top. She talks about how everyone is talking about Smackdown Extreme and all the gimmick matches we’ve got tonight. There are other ways to get extreme though, and that’s where she comes in. There’s nothing she won’t do to get a rise out of the fans and she excels at it. She knows what turns men on and she knows what men want to see. She’s going to give us full frontal nudity and she manages to get her pants off, but as the top is untied, the RTC comes out to cover her up.

Richards goes on a rant against the crowd and Lawler says he hates him. This was a parody of the PTC, which is a group that basically tries to tell everyone how to think and what they should or shouldn’t be allowed to watch on TV. Naturally they hate Vince and the WWF.

We see some Tough Enough auditions, none of which I recognize.

Rock talks about the main event now being a triple threat. HHH got lucky to be married to Stephanie and is getting Rock’s shot as a result. Rock has been in the main event of the last two Wrestlemanias and has to win the title to do it a third straight year. Rock tells Angle to go to the local arcade and take a bunch of pictures of himself. Make them into a belt to hold your pants up because after the Rock takes the title, Angle is going to need something to hold up your pimply hemorrhoid (To Kevin Kelly: “Don’t get excited. The Rock said hemorrhoid not hermaphrodite”) head. Angle and HHH can just bring it.

Austin is still drinking beer. He shakes up two cans and leaves with them.

Big Show vs. Billy Gunn

Billy tries to speed things up so Show kicks his head off. There’s a claw hold and Show hammers on him. Gunn is grabbed by the throat, picked up and dropped but that’s not a chokeslam somehow. The crushing goes on for awhile. Gunn gets something like a sleeper but is countered into a side slam. Billy misses an elbow and hits a bulldog but Show kicks out with ease. Chokeslam ends this a moment later.

Rating: D. Billy Gunn is an interesting case and a fine case study for future attempted pushes. They tried for years to push him as a singles guy but the fans never accepted it. The company kept trying it but at the end of the day he was still Billy Gunn, just a few years later. The fans still didn’t care for him and it still didn’t work. WWE never quite got it though so Billy’s push was never effective. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, as Billy had the perfect look but never got over as he was expected to because the fans just didn’t want him.

HHH is getting ready when Austin comes in and offers him and Stephanie a beer. Instead he opens it and it sprays all over HHH.

Angle says why not make this in a shark tank and the only way you win is to put the opponent down the shark’s throat and pin the shark. He’s ready for the main event.

Video on Kane’s Rumble dominance.

The Brothers of Destruction are ready for the Samoans tonight.

Undertaker music video to Rollin by Limp Bizkit.

Undertaker/Kane vs. Haku/Rikishi

First blood here. Total brawl to start with Undertaker throwing Haku into the steps. The Brothers ping pong Rikishi with punches until Haku is back up. Rikishi and Undertaker head into the ring and Taker hits Old School. The pairings switch off and the Samoans get chairs to take over. Rikishi pounds on Kane in the corner and sets for a Stinkface but Taker cracks Haku with a chair and Kane breaks it up with a low blow. A chokeslam puts Rikishi down and Haku is bleeding but it isn’t seen. Steps to the head of Rikishi and the referee sees Haku bleeding to end it.

Rating: D+. Just a brawl that had a way to declare a winner. This feud wasn’t really interesting anyone and it only ended because of an injury to Rikishi. Not much to see as far as a match but power matches are always kind of fun to see. Kane and Undertaker would move on to bigger things very soon.

The Brothers beat down the Samoans post match to clear the ring.

WWF Title: The Rock vs. Kurt Angle vs. HHH

Rock and HHH start fighting before Angle gets here. Angle runs out and is thrown to the floor almost immediately. DDT gets two for Rock very fast. Kurt gets back in and is punched to the floor almost immediately. Pedigree out of nowhere gets two. The match has only been going a minute so far. Here’s Austin because the first minute didn’t have enough happening in it. He comes out with a cooler to watch the match.

Angle uses the distraction to grab the Olympic Slam (back when it could still get a pin) for two as Rock saves. Rock suplexes Angle down but can’t follow up so all three are down. HHH pounds on Rock and goes up top (???) only to have Rock punch him and slam him off the top. Rock throws HHH over the corner and out to the floor but Angle suplexes him. Austin goes for a walk and puts a beer in front of HHH’s face.

HHH slaps it away as Rock comes back on Angle. Rock grabs the Sharpshooter but HHH comes in and DDTs him to break up the hold, getting two. The jumping knee hits and HHH takes him down with a neckbreaker for two. Angle suplexes HHH but walks into a Rock Bottom. Stephanie distracts the referee and Rock goes after her, allowing HHH to blast him. Angle Slam gets two. HHH sets for a catapult but gets kicked into the referee. Angle hits HHH low to break up the Pedigree and rolls him up but there’s no referee. Austin comes in and grabs the referee’s hand to slap the mat three times.

Rating: B. I liked this match a lot as they only had about ten minutes to work with and so they didn’t put anything slow paced out there. Almost everything was about hitting finishers which I usually dislike but this match was thrown together so there was no time for planning or anything like that. Fun match and the ending played into the Austin vs. HHH feud very well.

Overall Rating: B. I could see how people would like this show a lot but to me, there are a lot of dead spots on it. It’s certainly good and an entertaining show, but it doesn’t ever really get past good and into great. Austin vs. HHH would be a great match at No Way Out and it set up the greatest PPV ever, but this never got past being just a good show and into an area of greatness.

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Smackdown – March 9, 2012: We’re Three Weeks From Wrestlemania. Do They Know That?

Smackdown
Date: March 9, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, Booker T, Michael Cole

Johnny Ace is in charge tonight and if it’s the same as when Teddy ran Raw on Monday, then we’re in for a very uneventful night indeed. Other than that I don’t think we have much else announced for tonight. Hopefully we get anything on the story for Sheamus vs. Bryan as we need any reason to care about them. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Ace hosting tonight and implying he’s out to steal the job permanently.

We open with a cage being lowered. Otunga and Ace are in the ring. Tonight we’re starting with a championship match in a cage because Teddy has never done that.

US Title: Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger

Swagger throws him into the corner and pounds Santino down followed by a modified powerslam for two. Clothesline gets two. This has been all Swagger in the first two minutes. Santino tries to escape but Swagger launches him face first into the steel. Santino comes back with some punches and his signature stuff. Headbutt gets two and here comes the Cobra. Ziggler tries to climb in so his hands get hit by the Cobra to knock him to the floor.

Swagger grabs Marella in a belly to back suplex but Santino hits the Cobra to escape and both guys are down. Ziggler is ejected and we take a break. Back with Santino taking a knee to the ribs to put him down. Swagger takes the Cobra glove off and throws it to the floor. Rollup gets one for Santino and a sunset flip gets two. Swagger throws him down and hits a Vader Bomb for two.

He tries to climb but gets crotched and covered for two. Santino gets most of the way over but Swagger saves and they’re both back inside now. Santino comes back with a tornado DDT and crawls for the door. Santino kicks Swagger off and dives again but Swagger grabs the ankle lock. Vickie tries to slam the door on Santino’s head but hits Swagger instead, allowing Santino to crawl out to retain at 7:33 shown of 11:03.

Rating: C. This was fine all things considered. Why this was in a cage is beyond me, but I guess it’s to further the Ace vs. Long feud somehow. The match was just ok as neither is particularly great in the ring but the crowd was way into Santino. It’s better than Swagger having the title as he actually gets on TV too. I guess this is Ryder’s push too.

Teddy comes out to celebrate with Santino.

Teddy comes to see Ace/Otunga and doesn’t want Aksana to have to face Kane. Ace enjoys seeing Teddy squirm and Teddy begs a bit. Ace proposes a match between himself and Teddy. If Ace loses, Aksana will face Kane. Ok then.

Shawn will confront Undertaker on Monday.

Here’s Drew McIntyre in his gear. Is anyone surprised by this? Drew says that Ace will rehired him if he wins a match against a mystery opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Great Khali

And never mind as Otunga says Khali isn’t in the match, so here’s the real opponent.

Drew McIntyre vs. Hornswoggle

So why did Khali come out there at all? Horny is terrified despite regularly beating full sized guys before. Drew dominates him and keeps pulling him up after slams. The referee stops it at 1:39.

Khali chops Drew post match.

Aksana is scared for Teddy but he says it’s ok.

Ace is warming up in a track suit.

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry

So the word on the street is that Henry is in hot water for not being tough enough for working through his injuries, despite being out there almost every week working through his injuries. There’s your lesson guys: don’t work hard, don’t enhance your character, don’t work through injuries, or you might be in danger of being released. Slugout to start but Zeke gets beaten down quickly. Zeke comes back with the clotheslines in the corner but Henry runs him over again. World’s Strongest Slam for the pin at 1:41. Well Jackson is moving up. Now he’s getting squashed by bigger names.

John Laurinitis vs. Teddy Long

Remember if Teddy wins, it’s Aksana vs. Kane. This gets big match intros. Ace grabs a mic after the bell rings and tries to talk Teddy out of this. Ace yells at Teddy to do the right thing and lay down, but Teddy won’t do it. Aksana freaks so Ace waves down Kane. Orton runs through the crowd and RKOs Kane, allowing Teddy to roll Ace up at about 2:30. Is this company aware the Wrestlemania is in three weeks? So to clarify, as soon as Kane gets up, he has to face Aksana right? Right?

According to the announcers, Teddy did that because Kane has been taken out so there won’t be a match. I’m as shocked as you are. Teddy and Aksana leave to have a nice dinner.

Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Primo/Epico

Uh oh. Kofi was starting to get over as a legit guy again so we better put him in the black tag team of the month. Now the Kane vs. Aksana match isn’t happening because Teddy and Aksana left. So why didn’t Teddy just send Aksana away earlier in the night? Epico and Kofi start with Epico being monkey flipped to the corner. Off to Truth who dances around and hits a spinning legdrop for two.

Back to Kofi and Primo hooks the rope to send Kofi to the floor. Booker praises the cheating for being the right move. See, that’s what most commentators are horrible at: being subtle. Things settle down a bit and it’s Kofi in trouble against Primo. Kofi comes back with a knee to the head and there’s the hot tag to Truth. Everything breaks down and the Little Jimmy gets the pin on Primo at 5:11.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t much but the tag champions get to job AGAIN to these two that have teamed together what, three times now? Why did Bourne have to get all drugged up when the division was actually getting some stability to it? This wasn’t a particularly good match, mainly because you knew the champions weren’t going to win.

Three minutes on Cena vs. Rock from Monday.

Here’s Cole in the ring to talk to Sheamus and Bryan. Yes, they’re actually talking about this match. Cole’s first question is to Bryan, asking how much of a role luck has played in his title reign. Bryan says you don’t need to be lucky when you’re good like he is. Nothing has been luck in any of his accomplishments, which he lists off. It’s been living a vegan lifestyle and scientific skill that has given him the title. That and charisma and sex appeal.

Sheamus says everyone needs a bit of luck. He’s lucky to be from Ireland and to be in WWE and in America and in front of all these people here. You make your own luck however and Sheamus has fought his way here. He also hasn’t hid behind a 99lb girl who looks like she should be in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform. AJ: “Well from my point of view…” Bryan: “AJ shut up.” Sheamus says Bryan should be wearing the skirt. At Wrestlemania, Bryan’s luck runs out.

Sheamus/Randy Orton/Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan/The Miz

The staredown got cut short for Cody’s entrance, meaning once again this match gets like 3 minutes a week if it’s lucky. Sheamus vs. Cody gets things going. Quickly off to Randy as we hear again about Legacy and their history together. Orton stomps him down but Cody gets in a dropkick and the tag to Bryan. Cole says he’s starting to respect Bryan. Off to Big Show who throws the champion around a little bit more.

Bryan finally gets away and tags in his former NXT Pro. You know, in ancient history when NXT actually had a structure to it. Show throws Miz around too so Miz tags out to Cody. Cody comes in and tags out to Miz immediately. Show doesn’t care and brings Miz back in as we take a break. Back with Sheamus pounding on Miz. Miz comes back with some lefts in the corner but Sheamus comes back with a rolling fireman’s carry slam.

Off to Cody who gets the ten clubbing forearms in ropes. Miz finally gets in a shot to send him to the floor and Bryan adds the knee off the apron. Bryan vs. Sheamus now and Sheamus towers over him. Bryan keeps taking him down and strikes away with the knees and feet. Off to Miz who hits a running boot to the chest for two. Cody comes in as the heels are moving in and out well.

Back to Daniel who shouts YES with every kick in a funny bit. Miz hooks the chinlock and the knee to the back gets two. Here’s Cody again (see how fast they’re tagging?) as Cole makes fun of GI Bro. Celtic Cross out of nowhere is countered into a Russian legsweep for two. Irish Curse takes Cody down and there’s the hot tag to Randy. Everything breaks down and Show stalks Cody up the ramp. Elevated DDT takes Miz down but Bryan avoids it. Sheamus LAUNCHES Bryan into the barricade and they fight into the crowd. The Finale is countered into an RKO for the pin at 10:39 shown of 14:09.

Rating: C+. This was a good main event tag, but I’m really not sure why Miz was involved. Was Kane that injured off a single RKO? At least we got some in ring time for the two matches, although I’m worried that they’re going to give the title to Big Show which is one of the last people that they need to put a title on. Good match overall though.

Kane comes out post match and pulls Orton out to the floor. Kane knocks him into the crowd (called the Universe by Cole to make me roll my eyes) and they fight up the steps to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I REALLY didn’t like this show. It’s like the main matches are being pushed back for the sake of the Teddy Long and Johnny Ace and Aksana. As I said earlier, do they realize that there are three weeks before Wrestlemania? I know Ace vs. Teddy is going to be lead to a match at Mania but the rest of the show felt thrown together. We have an unneeded gimmick match, Drew being rehired again, meaning that weeks of losses add up to nothing, a Henry squash, and the tag champions losing again. This show had no focus at all and it was a pain to sit through as a result. Bad show.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Marella escaped the cage
Drew McIntyre b. Hornswoggle due to referee stoppage
Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World’s Strongest Slam
Teddy Long b. John Laurinitis – Rollup
Kofi Kingston/R-Truth b. Primo/Epico – Little Jimmy to Primo
Randy Orton/Sheamus/Big Show b. The Miz/Cody Rhodes/Daniel Bryan – RKO to Miz

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Wrestlemania #5: Should Savage Have Retained?

Simple question here.I’d think yeah he should have.  Can you imagine Savage getting counted out or DQed and the heat for the rematches over the summer until Summerslam?  It could have been insane.

 

Thoughts?




Wrestlemania Count-Up – #5: Running Nearly 4 Hours Before That Was Cool

Wrestlemania 5
Date: April 2, 1989
Location: Trump Plaza, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Attendance: 18,946
Announcers: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura
America The Beautiful: Rockin Robin

This show is more or less the WWF waking up and realizing that not announcing your main event until 20 minutes before it happens isn’t really a good idea. The tagline for this show was very simple: The Mega Powers Explode! Simple concept that’s as old as wrestling itself: Hogan helps Savage become champion, Hogan gets the spotlight even without the belt, Savage’s jealousy gets the best of him and he snaps over a certain incident.

In this case, the incident was on my first birthday in a tag match with Akeem and Big Boss Man against the Mega Powers. Savage got tossed through the ropes and landed on Elizabeth. Hogan carried her back to get help and Savage was left all alone. They argue in the back with Savage cutting the best promo of his life as all of the anger he had stored up inside him erupts and he attacks Hogan to set up this showdown for the gold. Liz says she’s going to try to remain neutral in the main event.

The Women’s Champion sings America the Beautiful and does an ok job at it. Kind of a bland voice though.

Haku vs. Hercules

This match is part of a very unnoticed storyline where Hercules was part of the Heenan Family but was then “sold” to Ted DiBiase. This upset him and Hercules said he was a free man. He went on a small war with Heenan’s stable and I guess you’d call this the climax of that. The feud was nothing at all and it went nowhere as Hercules just wasn’t over at all. This is a power vs. power match that pleasantly surprised me as it has a fair amount of solid wrestling on it and not just all power.

The powder blue tights just don’t do it for a guy with the name of Hercules. Donald Trump is in the front row again which makes sense as he owns the place. Haku is really getting outworked here. Hercules’ offense is a lot more diverse as opposed to chops and bearhugs with a kick thrown in here and there. That’s kind of the storyline of this whole match too and you can see that in the ending.

Haku is the King of Wrestling here and for some reason that isn’t on the line in this match. It was an odd kind of semi-title where you would be proclaimed king and get to wear a crown and have a bunch of muscle jobbers bring you out on a throne but other than that it never really went anywhere. Savage got it and held it for like a year or so and it more or less died after that.

This is about as bland as you can get but it’s surprisingly decent. Hercules worked better as a face because here he has something to fight for in his own pride. Back when he was a heel he had nothing special about him and was just a generic henchman. He’s more interesting and well rounded here though which is what a turn is supposed to accomplish.

Hercules lands a belly to back suplex into a bridge but shoots his shoulder up to avoid the double pin, which was exactly the same thing he lost to the year before. That’s a very subtle touch to his character that a lot of people don’t realize. It shows that he’s capable of learning something new and has adapted a new style over the last year.

Rating: C-. There’s a story here and there’s some decent action, but at the end of it all it’s just not that great. Good and not boring, but not great. This wasn’t much at all from a ring work standpoint but it was surprisingly good. I’m not sure why I like this match but I kind of always have and while it’s certainly an odd choice to open Wrestlemania with, it’s not bad.

In the back we see a team called the Rockers. This Marty Jannetty guy is a freaking STUD. I could see this guy winning something like the IC title, maybe some tag titles or something like that. His partner just does nothing for me though as he’s bland.

Twin Towers vs. The Rockers

Twin Towers are Big Bossman and Akeem, aka the One Man Gang in case you weren’t sure. Rockers had been around for a few months at this point but as they would wind up doing for their whole run they were still trying to find themselves as a team.

This is about as simple of a story as you can get: power vs. speed and it works fairly well here. Akeem seriously may be the greatest gimmick of all time. For those of you that don’t know, One Man Gang and his manager Slick found out that he was of African descent, despite being the palest Caucasian you’ll ever find.

He starts embracing his African roots and doing these weird dances and wearing weird outfits. To see him doing this is just hilarious and something that you should check out for a good laugh and I’d like to give whoever thought it up a ham sandwich.

Cool spot where Bossman has Jannetty up in a bear hug position and Akeem just slams into him. Simple yet effective. Jannetty gets his head handed to him the majority of the match. Slick screaming about how a black referee would count faster and wouldn’t cheat is just such a great touch when his wrestlers are whiter than snow.

Becca shouldn’t watch this match as Akeem just about kills Shawn with one of the best clotheslines I’ve ever seen. Bossman kills him even worse with a spinning powerbomb and then a splash by Akeem and Shawn is finally given a break as the pin goes down.

Rating: C. This was a solid performance by the Rockers but they really didn’t stand much of a chance. Some good spots make this quite passable though. What’s with the back to back generic matches to start off the biggest show of the year though? Is this really the best they could find?

Ted DiBiase is rich and likes to talk about it. He’s also got a new belt that he likes showing off.

Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake

Hearing DiBiase having different homes for each season is just a perfect touch to the gimmick that makes him so much more fun to hate. Still say he’s the best heel of all time. Brutus finally has his awesome music here. Jesse describes Brutus’ pants perfectly: it looks like a grenade went off in his pockets. Ted talks to Trump before we start.

What exactly did Brutus expect to do with those huge hedge clippers? This is a balance of the sleepers. According to Gorilla this is one of the reasons the fans are here for. Something tells me that’s not the case. DiBiase cheats almost immediately as the heel he is. What a fall he’s taken in a year. From the main event to this. Wow.

We get a pretty nice back and forth sequence to start as both guys are moving pretty well out there. Jesse drops some names as they slug it out. It’s turned into a standard kick and punch match which isn’t interesting or anything but it fills in time pretty well I suppose.

DiBiase gets a nice shot off the middle rope but doesn’t cover or anything. Why do that anyway? No one gets pins off moves like those anyway. Brutus gets a small package for two. Double clothesline and Ted gets up first. There’s the Million Dollar Dream but Beefcake gets the rope. More kicking and punching sets up Beefcake’s sleeper. Virgil gets Beefcake on the floor and DiBiase follows, leading to a double countout. Gorilla kind of scoffs at the ending.

Rating: D+. They were just kind of there. Pretty boring too. Nothing interesting here at all. I’ve always loved the falling punch DiBiase used. Just something sweet about it. This is power versus technician but it just doesn’t come off that way. Beefcake was supposed to be a power guy I think but he wasn’t that good at it. It’s also not a power move to use a sleeper. Yeah this match was pretty weak.

There used to be a thing called the Bagels and Biceps Brunch. What the point of this was, I’m not sure but it apparently was a tradition. The Bushwackers, one of which licked my face at a house show, are about to face the Rougeaus.

Bushwackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

The Rougeau’s music of We’re All American Boys is nothing short of awesome. Just an awesome song and one of Jimmy Hart’s great touches. The Bushwackers are just out there even by today’s standards. How these guys lasted nearly 6 years in a completely different gimmick than they started with is beyond me.

The Battering Ram is one of the dumbest yet most awesome moves I’ve ever seen. Now this is a match that I remember only one thing about. During a scoop slam, Luke of the Bushwackers clearly rubs Ray Rougeau crotch. It’s not on accident either. He puts his hand there and rubs up and down. Just a disturbing sight.

Other than that this is nothing but a comedy match. The 80s were so awesome in the area of tag wrestling that they even managed to have jobber tag teams on a regular basis. There’s nothing going on here with the Bushwackers running around for a minute, the Rougeaus controlling for two minutes and the finish. To end this in a hurry, Bushwackers win with their rib breaker move.

Rating: D-. The crotch rub never fails to surprise me. Just not something I want to think about. The match completely sucked though and just never went anywhere at all. What is with all these fillers? DiBiase vs. Beefcake is by far the biggest matchup so far and even it is nothing special and could have been on any house show that year. Weak show so far and a weak match here.

Sean Mooney, one of my all time favorite broadcasters gets licked by a Bushwacker while talking to some fans in a pointless segment.

Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer

Yes that’s Owen Hart under the mask. This is another match that is more or less just there for the sake of being there but it should be pretty good. Perfect is still undefeated here. Jesse thinks this is going to be tremendous. Hennig gets a nice hiptoss to start.

He slaps the Blazer and doesn’t get drilled as a result for some reason. Ah there’s the slap and Owen speeds things up a bit. And then we slow them right back down. Baseball slide hits Perfect. Owen was WAY ahead of his time here as he could move like no one else could and was busting out Japanese and European stuff which was unheard of in America at this time.

Blazer is dominating here as Perfect has no idea what to do with him. BIG top rope splash eats knees though. That looked awesome as he got way up in the air and nailed the knees perfectly. Jesse has a surprise for Gorilla.

Powerslam by Blazer gets two and a belly to belly gets two as well. Jesse thinks Perfect has Mania jitters. Crucifix gets two for Blazer. And then a big shot gets Perfect the advantage. Perfectplex gets the easy pin.

Rating: B-. Pretty solid little match here with both guys moving very well. It was speed/flying vs. technical style out there and it worked very well. It helps having two guys that can work a variety of styles. Perfect hit two moves the whole match which hurts this though. Still solid stuff and Owen looked awesome in this.

Yet again, Jesse is introduced to the crowd as a “major Hollywood star” (he had done some supporting roles in some fairly big movies like Predator). There was apparently a 5K run with Mr. Fuji, in tuxedo and bowler hat, running in a decent time. He’s in the handicap tag title match later on if you’re wondering what the heck this is for. He finishes without even breathing hard and Lord Alfred Hayes suspects shenanigans.

Now for something just completely out of place, Run DMC performs the Wrestlemania Rap. This thing goes on and on and on.

Tag Titles: Mr. Fuji and Powers of Pain vs. Demolition

Storyline on this: Demolition was by far and away the most dominant tag team the late 80s had ever seen. They held the titles for about a year and a half which is still the longest amount of time ever. They were brought in as heels around Wrestlemania 3 and won the belts at Wrestlemania 4. Sometime between 3 and 4, they got Mr. Fuji as a manager.

Over the course of the summer, the fans realized how truly awesome Demolition was and they began to cheer them. Around the same time, the Powers of Pain, comprised of the Warlord and the Barbarian debuted as faces. The problem was more people liked Demolition than the PoP. So what was the solution you ask? The answer was the incredibly difficult and even rarer double turn.

At the 1988 Survivor Series, the teams had been feuding over the tag belts and were captains of their respective Survivor Series teams. Late in the match, Fuji pulled the top rope down and Smash fell over the ropes and landed on the floor. Ax got in Fuji’s face about it and Fuji answered with I’m The Boss! Demolition beat up Fuji and were counted out. The Powers of Pain helped him up and soon thereafter he was their manager.

So all of that leads us here to the showdown with Fuji and his team in a 3-2 match with Demolition for the tag titles. Fuji does what Heenan did last year with a shot here and a shot there, but at least with Fuji he had a very successful tagging career, including a reign that at the time was the longest in the history of the title. This match is what you would expect from it.

The formula is exactly what you would expect in a match like this. Demolition beats down the Powers, they beat them back, Fuji comes in and beats them up a bit, which is to say he kicks them twice, and then he runs away. This isn’t anything we haven’t seen a thousand times before and it’s not particularly entertaining. Naturally it gets about 9 minutes.

Demolition holds their own but eventually gets beaten up by all three, until Fuji makes a mistake. He misses an elbow from the top rope which is impressive in its own right, then eventually throws salt that was his trademark but misses. He’s then hit with the Demolition Decapitation, which might be the worst double team move of all time, and pinned.

Rating: C-. I liked this match but then again I like Demolition. Fuji actually knew how to wrestle and was only in his early 50s at the time so he still could go in the ring to an extent. Demolition is a simple team at heart: beat the tar out of their opponents. That’s hard to mess up and they did it as well as any team ever did. The lack of drama hurts it a good deal though and it shows.

Tony Schiavone tries to talk to Macho Man but gets thrown out.

Ronny Garvin vs. Dino Bravo

Umm, ok? What the point to this match is I have no idea, but after the introductions, Jimmy Snuka is introduced to the crowd for some reason. Literally, they announce Bravo and Garvin, and then the Fink says there is a special guest tonight. Snuka comes out in full apparel and to his music and gets in the ring and poses. He has absolutely nothing to do with this match and isn’t seen again all night.

Anyway onto the match. I have never liked Ronny Garvin. The man just absolutely bores me to tears in the ring. How he became the NWA Champion and even defended it at Starrcade 87 is beyond me. Bravo was ok in the ring but just never really did it for me either. As I say that, Garvin puts on a sleeper which is perfect because I’m falling asleep watching this.

In a strange ending (Thank God) Garvin is up in the corner punching Bravo but gets caught with an atomic drop and is side suplexed to pin him. Garvin gets up and hits Bravo and then uses what has to be the stupidest finisher of all time on Bravo’s manager, the Garvin Stomp. Randy Orton I believe has used this recently. He starts at the arm and goes around the body stomping the opponent. Just looks bad.

Rating: F. I was bored to tears and don’t like either one. This is a biased rating and I could care less. This is a Ronnie Garvin match and therefore it sucks.

Strike Force vs. The Brainbusters

Strike Force (a breath of fresh air after that awful match that just aired) is teaming together for the first time in a long time. Martel was injured by Demolition and was gone for almost a year. In the time off, Santana wrestled in singles matches. Upon Martel’s return, he asked Tito to reform Strike Force which he eventually did. This is their first match back against Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard. After this match, the Busters would go on to feud with Demolition over the tag belts.

It sounds wrong to hear Gorilla talking about a Horsemen match and calling them a couple of really tough dudes. Jesse and Gorilla bickering is always funny. it says a lot when Martel is by far the worst technician in a match. Big brawl to start and surprisingly Strike Force wins it.

Martel gets a very nice counter from a body scissors into the Boston Crab. That was impressive. Everything breaks down and Strike Force gets a pair of Figure Fours which has to be at least a mini-rib on the Horsemen.

And now we get the meat of the match as Tito accidentally drills Martel with his flying forearm and down he goes onto the floor. After about a minute Martel gets back up but he’s all shaken up. The Busters work the referee and the tag rules like the masters that they are.

Santana keeps trying to come back and finally does by slamming Arn off the top. Yeah that has to be a rib. Tito finally gets away and goes for the tag but Martel won’t tag and then leaves, heading to the dressing room.

Arn yells at Santana WHERE’S YOUR PARTNER to just be a jerk. The ramp/aisle is really long here so it takes Martel like two minutes to get back. Tito fights back as well as he can but he’s outnumbered and after a few minutes the spike piledriver ends it.

Rating: B-. Half tag and half handicap so it’s unique if nothing else. I always liked both teams and I like what I see here. The post match promo is solid too so it gets a good grade. Very interesting here as this obviously causes the split between the two. They would feud on and off for nearly two years after this with neither one really winning the feud. What’s forgotten in this is the Brainbusters. They are their usually great selves and but on a solid match.

Martel blames Tito and says it was Tito’s idea to reform the team and all that jazz. This is his heel turn if you didn’t get that. He wouldn’t be a face again for like 8 years until he was in WCW.

Piper’s Pit

This gets one of the biggest pops of the nights. One of the funniest lines I’ve heard in a long time from the Fink: I am pleased to introduce to you a man who needs no introduction. We get a really long intro for Piper and out comes the man that creeped me out more than anyone else as a kid: Brother Love.

Seriously, the guy had a red face. That’s just incredibly scary looking to a two year old. Throw in his voice and it’s just scary. His character was based on high energy Christian televangelists such as Jimmy Swaggert. You all might know him better as Bruce Pritchard who was a creative team member until a few months ago.

Love then says his guest on the Brother Love show is Rodney Piper. He then imitates Piper in something that is either dead on or awful and I can’t tell which. He asks questions as Love and takes his glasses off and changes chairs to be Piper. Then out comes the guest, Morton Downey Jr.

This show aired nearly 20 years ago and until I looked him up just seconds ago, I had no freaking clue who this guy was and I’ve seen this PPV at least 30 times. Turns out he was a talk show host that was the inspiration for Springer, Maury etc. His show was viewed as amazingly Right Wing based and he would often berate anyone that disagreed with him. He was later replaced by Rush Limbaugh.

Anyway, Downey is smoking a cigarette which Gorilla refers to as weed. This made my jaw drop. Gorilla said he was puffing on weed. Gorilla Monsoon isn’t supposed to talk about weed blast it! Downey trash talks with Brother Love until they’re interrupted by the Fink who says Piper really is here. Out comes Piper for his first WWF appearance in 2 years.

Piper talks down to Love because of the kilt that Love is wearing. He asks him questions but keeps pulling the mic away saying he doesn’t want to know that badly. I’d forgotten how funny Piper was in his prime. He turns his attention to Downey who is still smoking and keeps blowing smoke into Piper’s face which Piper doesn’t approve of. Downey keeps using the standard insults.

My favorite line: Piper mentions that Downey used to have warts all over his face. Piper: What did you with the warts? Downey: I gave them to a homeless warthog. Piper: (without missing a beat) I didn’t know your girlfriend was homeless. Downey calls Piper is a transvestite before blowing more smoke in his face.

Piper asks for a cig for himself. Downey turns to light it and for no reason at all, Piper has a fire extinguisher under his chair. In probably his second most famous bit after the coconut, Piper sprays him down and leaves.

About as appropriately as possible, Downey would die of lung cancer in 2001.

BREAKING NEWS-Hulk Hogan is making a movie! It’s called No Holds Barred. That movie truly was nine kinds of awesome.

Sean Mooney is talking to Donald Trump. Apparently WM 4 and 5 have been successes.

Jesse is TICKED OFF. Hogan is invading his territory because after he loses to Macho he needs a job. Jesse says he can drive his limo and storms off. Gorilla plugs the movie again and recaps the show so far. We get a video recapping the Mega Powers rise to glory and their split.

Hogan says he can’t believe how this all came about in just a year. He goes into another of his insane promos about everyone being swallowed up by the Earth when the Trump Towers fall apart. Makes little if any sense. Then he talks about winning the title.

Andre the Giant vs. Jake Roberts

Big John Studd is the referee here for no apparent reason. He comes out to what would become Jim Duggan’s music oddly enough. No real reason is given as to why he’s the referee here. Andre is back with Heenan. The point of this match is Andre is terrified of snakes.

This resulted in a scene on television where Andre had a “heart attack” when Jake put the snake on him, yet he’s wrestling again just a few months later. Remarkable. Around this time, Jake was insanely popular, arguably the third biggest face in the company after only Hogan and Warrior.

Somehow before the match starts one of the turnbuckle pads is off and Roberts gets slammed into it. Gorilla says that Jake is like David against Goliath and Jesse says David had to use a foreign object to beat him which makes me want to write the Bible from a wrestling perspective one day. In a funny bit Andre chokes Jake in the corner and Studd goes to count Andre and you literally can’t see Jake other than his feet. Jake stood 6’5.

It’s your standard Andree match from this era. He just could not move to save his life at this point and was a complete shell of his former self. They do the tied up in the ropes spot and Andre is reeling. More pain and punishment goes in until Heenan gets the arm loose and here comes your unfriendly and not likely from your neighborhood Giant.

Something happens in this match that I’ve never been sure of. Andre is throwing shoulders to Jake’s ribs in the corner and falls backwards and down to one knee. He doesn’t hit his head on anything that I can see. Always thought that was just odd. Andre and Studd finally fight while DiBiase of all people runs out and steals the bag with the snake in it. Roberts catches him and throws the snake in the ring to get rid of Andre. Jake wins via DQ.

Rating: D. This is just a strange combination. Andre just didn’t mesh well with most because he was too freaking big. Roberts tried his best but it didn’t go that well. Studd served no real purpose here at all either. They tried but it didn’t work that well.

Sherri will get the title back apparently and doesn’t like Liz at all.

Rhythm and Blues vs. The Hart Foundation

The newly face Harts face off with their old manager’s new team of Honky Tonk Man and Greg Valentine. To me this was just before Bret’s prime. He’s so smooth in the ring that I’m gaining a new respect for him. The announcers refer to Pat Patterson as a relic. That’s just amusing.

This is the most basic of basic tag matches I can remember in a long time. I mean NOTHING happens here. The faces start in control, the heels take over and dominate for a bit, then we get a hot tag and the finish begins.

Honky hits the Shake Rattle and Roll on Bret but he tags in Hammer for the figure four which clearly is a mistake. Back and forth and Jimmy tosses in the Megaphone which is intercepted. After a solid shot to Honky’s shoulder Neidhart pins him.

Rating: D+. Bret makes this one pretty good for a glorified squash. This went nowhere at all and it’s MORE FILLER. We’ve had ONE match break ten minutes tonight: the Beefcake match got up to 10:01. That’s saying a lot. Just another match that went absolutely nowhere at all.

We get a recap of the Warrior/Rude feud. It involves a posedown and a lot of talking.

Intercontinental Title: Rick Rude vs. Ultimate Warrior

The idea of this is the two competed for who had the best body. They had a pose off at the Royal Rumble and Rude attacked the Warrior with a steel exercise bar. Not much of a story but this was the second biggest match on the card.

For some reason that God alone knows, these two had freaks chemistry together. It’s rare to ever see a bad match between them. I have no idea why this is the case but that’s how it always was with them. To have one of the worst workers ever and another who’s character was great but in the ring wasn’t great but wasn’t bad either be able to put on such solid matches really is a strange thing.

Warrior beats the heck out of Rude early on. This is a good beating and Rude sells it like there’s no tomorrow. Warrior works the back with some very powerful whip ins and a BIG bearhug. It looks like it’s going to be a quick little match but a piledriver slows Warrior down and it’s Rude in control.

Rude’s back is injured but he stays in the game as long as he can. Rude beats on him for nearly four or five minutes as he becomes one of the only people to actually beat down the Warrior and have success at it.

And so much for that as Warrior makes his comeback but as he’s trying to suplex Rude back in Heenan hooks his leg and holds it for the pin and the huge upset. Heenan gets beaten up by Warrior afterwards and because Warrior was so bad in the ring he legitimately hurt Bobby in this.

Rating: B. While not the best workers and a weak story, they again manage to put on a good match. I didn’t give it the description it deserves but that’s really all there was to it. Very well done though. The freaky chemistry these two had continue and I have never gotten it at all.

Jim Duggan vs. Bad News Brown

This is the epitome of a filler. Nothing of note happens here at all as it’s a brawl that the announcers don’t care about at all. It’s about 3 minutes long and ends in a chair vs. 2×4 duel that Duggan wins.

Rating: F. No one cared and they knew it.

Red Rooster vs. Bobby Heenan

Backstory: Rooster, who has what to me is the worst gimmick of all time, (he literally acted like a rooster, complete with going cock-a-doodle-doo and strutting like one. He passed up the Mr. Perfect gimmick and got this instead) used to work for Heenan but Heenan said he wasn’t that good. This is the Rooster trying to get revenge.

Heenan comes out with the Brooklyn Brawler. This match literally doesn’t last a minute. Heenan jumps the Rooster and whips him into the corner. Rooster gets out of the way and Heenan hits the post and is covered for the pin. Brawler comes in and beats up Rooster who fights back and wins. Wow.

Rating: N/A. This was a total waste of time. But hey, the Brooklyn Brawler got PPV time!

We recap the WWF Title match. Hogan helped Savage win it a year ago and then more or less stole the spotlight for the next year. Liz got involved and Savage thought she was sleeping with Hogan. He went off on him on February 3 (I was turning 1) and turned heel, setting this up.

Hogan says Savage went crazy. That’s just amusing. This is the promo where Hogan absolutely loses his mind and goes on a rant about the building being swallowed up by the Earth or something and Donald Trump being worried about falling into the ocean.

WWF Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage

They were trying to make this the second coming of Hogan/Andre but there was far less mystery of who was going to win. Liz is at ringside as an independent observer and she actually does just that: nothing. This match has the big match feel to it but looking back it was obvious which way it was going. Savage comes out first if that tells you anything.

Liz gets her own entrance and Jesse says she’ll leave with whoever wins. Gorilla says that sounds smart to him. To say this match is huge is a dramatic understatement. Jesse: this is what the term main event is used for. This is the main event. He’s absolutely right too as this drew INSANE money as they had built up the mega match between these two forever.

Hogan shoves Savage with ease and there he goes. The announcers argue about managers which is kind of funny. Savage keeps running in fear from Hogan and it’s basic stuff so far. He throws Liz in front of a Hogan punch but Hulk stops in time.

There’s Hogan’s wrestling quota for the year as he uses a four move combination to break down Savage and get a front facelock. Savage overpowers him in a surprise by backdropping him. Savage takes over a bit by getting a top rope double axe in. The champion works the arm for some reason. LONG sequence with the arm and then a headlock as we fill in time.

Hogan gets an atomic drop to counter but misses an elbow drop. Hogan’s eye was cut earlier on and it gets rammed into the buckle to open it up even worse. Savage slaps him and here comes Hulk. He slams Savage to the floor and Liz helps him up. They fight on the floor and Hogan gets rammed into the post.

Now Liz helps Hogan up. I guess she wants a double team later on. Hebner, the cock blocker that he is, throws Liz out. Savage hits the double axe off the top to send Hogan’s throat into the railing. Steamboat was out for three months because of that. It doesn’t even get two on Hogan. Savage slams him and there’s the big elbow. Hogan shoves him off, three punches, big boot, big leg, you know the drill I think. Lots of posing ends the show.

Rating: C+. Well it’s not bad, but the problem here is that it is completely underwhelming. This was supposed to be the biggest match ever and it’s just pretty standard fort he most part. Hogan wins the title again and shrugs off Savage’s best move. Not a fan of that at all but it’s the 80s so what are you going to do?

Overall Rating: D+. This is the first of the second era of Wrestlemanias that follows the now traditional Wrestlemania formula. There’s some ok stuff on here and it probably has the oddestok card yet. Pretty much every big star is here, the titles have good matches, the midcard matches are bad, and you have the WM main event.

This show also has the first instance of setting the stage for the future. 1989 was the first year of the big four PPVs so there were other feuds that would be needing to be closed at big shows. Feuds like Hogan and Perfect which sparked Hogan and Warrior, Roberts against DiBiase, and the continuation of Warrior and Rude which led to Warrior against the Heenan Family all spawned from this.

You could arguably call this the first standard Wrestlemania, and I would just barely give it that name over WM 3. Overall this is pretty weak show and the problem with it is mainly the match lengths. TWO matches broke ten minutes and one went past 10:01. I used to really like this one but it doesn’t hold up at all. Pretty bad show but it’s watchable I suppose. That’s about it.

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Impact Wrestling – March 8, 2012: Garrett’s Main Event

Impact Wrestling
Date: March 8, 2012
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

If I remember right there’s this show and then another before Victory Road. The majority of the card is already set and we should be getting more of Sting vs. Roode’s build up tonight. I barely remember Impact from last week and that’s probably not a good thing. As for the rest of the PPV the card is also set and I’m looking forward to Storm vs. Ray, which I didn’t expect to happen. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of the Garrett/Eric situation.

Garrett arrives earlier today and isn’t worried about what Flair said earlier today.

Immortal (yes they’re really calling them that still) opens us up. It’s Flair, Eric and Gunner if you’re keeping track. There’s going to be a tag match later, presumably Garrett and a partner vs. Flair/Gunner. Eric thanks Flair for threatening Garrett. Garrett is watching in the back. Oh Gunner has to pick a partner too. Here’s Angle who apparently wants to be Gunner’s partner. Eric is very enthusiastic about Angle wanting to be the partner. Angle says he hates Garrett because Garrett disrespects his dad. Hogan is out of the country apparently.

Sting is putting the makeup on in the back and talks to Roode. Eric Young comes in and Sting looks embarrassed. Eric wants to impress ODB so Sting calls him Bobby and gives ODB a shot at the Knockout Tag Titles. Her partner for the women’s tag titles: Eric.

Knockout Tag Titles: Eric Young/ODB vs. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne

Eric starts with Gail but ODB tags herself in. Gail runs and is promptly clotheslined. Off to Madison who looks great in red. The champs work over ODB with some double teaming. Madison takes a clothesline to the ribs which was supposed to be a spear I think. Either way it allows the double tag and Eric locks up with the referee. Eric puts both girls in an airplane spin and ODB clotheslines them both down. There go Eric’s pants and Madison hits Eric with a title, knocking him onto Gail for the pin and the titles at 5:48.

Rating: D. I hate this angle. I’ve made that quite clear over the past few months and I don’t think it really requires a lot of explanation. Eric Young and ODB are supposed to be funny but they aren’t. It’s the most forced comedy I’ve seen in a very long time. It’s like taking the ingredients of a cake and putting them on a table and calling it a cake. It doesn’t quite work.

Eric proposes post match but we cut away before the answer.

Post break he actually asks (he was just on a knee with a ring before) and ODB says nothing. Instead she takes the ring and drops to her knee. Eric says yes.

Mr. Parks, presumably Abyss’ dad (James Mitchell anyone?) arrived earlier. He looks like Penn Jillette.

Ray says Storm isn’t making it to Lockdown.

Aries gets an e-mail from Sting saying Ion gets his title match tonight. “So why should they buy the PPV then?” The second biggest wrestling company in America ladies and gentlemen.

X-Division Title: Austin Aries vs. Zema Ion

Aries takes over to start and puts Ion on the mat, resulting in a lap around the ring. He Stuns Ion on the ropes then adds a hilo and elbow for two. Ion hits a spinning dive out of the corner and takes it to the floor. Ion sets for a dive to the floor but gets caught by a running Aries. He chops Ion to the floor but misses a dive. Back in Ion rakes the eyes and goes for his hairspray. The brainbuster is countered and we almost lose a referee. Ion misses the hairspray and Aries gets the can, spraying it in Ion’s eyes for the DQ at 3:52.

Rating: C. Just ok here but I guess it allows them to have a rematch at the PPV. I mean, we didn’t need to see the match for the first time on PPV or anything so we can just show part of it here right? Anyway, not much of a match due to the time. Also with this win, Aries officially has the longest title reign in the history of the X Title.

Mr. Parks talks to Velvet and apparently he’s Abyss’ brother. The family is looking for Abyss and Velvet thinks it was kind of creepy.

Here’s Ray to say that he’s the guy who knocked Storm’s brains out last week. He demands that Sting come out here and make him the #1 contender. Here’s Sting who asks what Ray wants. Ray keeps saying Bobby Roode so Sting says…..ok and it’s after the break. Ray is stunned but happy.

After a break, Sting says that this isn’t a title match but I don’t think Ray knows that.

Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode

Ray yells a lot and they lock up. Roode grabs a headlock but a shoulder runs him over. The champ slaps Ray and looks all terrified. He fires off some kicks and elbows but walks into a backdrop and side slam for two. Ray wins a quick slugout but Roode hits something close to his Blockbuster for two. Bully makes a face comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for two. Big boot misses and Roode spears him down for two. Roode goes for the chain but Ray knocks Roode down in the corner. And here’s Storm to chase Ray off. He superkicks Roode and it’s thrown out at roughly 6:30.

Rating: C. Ray’s face comeback in there was kind of weird. He’s one of those heels that is working very well but the Impact Zone is screwing it up by cheering him as they do with everyone else. The match wasn’t much but with about six minutes and no real finish, what else could they really do?

Garrett is confident about his partner.

Abyss’ brother talks to Morgan/Crimson but can’t get any answers. They have the Robs tonight.

Crimson/Matt Morgan vs. Robbie T/Robbie T

They’re in matching pink cardigans. This is for the #1 contendership. Crimson and Big Rob start and Crimson takes over. The referee gets distracted though and the clipboard goes upside Crimson’s head to put him in peril. Big Rob poses too long, allowing Crimson to avoid a shot and bring in Morgan. House is cleaned, Carbon Footprint hits but Crimson tags himself in to steal the pin at 4:00.

Rating: D. Nothing to see here at all but it furthered the big guys having issues which is the issue going into the title match. I’m sure it’ll lead to Morgan vs. Crimson again eventually which isn’t something that I’m going to get behind but it’s logical at least. Nothing here though and it was a formality.

AJ has a surprise for Kaz and Daniels.

Angle and Gunner aren’t worried about Garrett and he’s going to the hospital.

Here’s AJ to a big reaction. He talks about the tenth anniversary coming up and how they’re here because of the people. Daniels cuts him off and says he came back to stand by AJ’s side. However that got him nowhere so he decided to make it about himself. Kaz says that AJ is talking about all of the people that have turned on him so Kaz says that maybe it’s AJ that is the problem. That can’t be though, because he’s the Phenomenal AJ Styles so it COULDN’T be him right? AJ says Kaz is the reason he won’t associate himself with friends anymore. Now he’ll associate with a real….what’s the word he’s thinking of here?

Cue Anderson (now with his catchphrase instead of his name being shouted) to clear the ring. He’s back.

Garrett’s partner is ready.

From what I’ve seen, apparently Joe Parks is Abyss sans mask. I knew he looked familiar.

Gunner/Kurt Angle vs. Garrett Bischoff/???

It’s Jeff Hardy, shocking no one. Garrett is in the main event for the first time. For those of you paying attention, he’s now associated with Hogan, Flair, Sting, Angle and Hardy. Behold the power of nepotism people. Angle and Gunner jump them to start and it’s Hardy vs. Angle to get us going. Hardy takes a beating but manages to get a clothesline to take Angle down for about 20 seconds.

Off to Gunner as Garrett can’t get in yet. Back with Hardy taking a beating from Angle. Gunner comes in for a back elbow for two and it’s off to Angle again. Anderson vs. Daniels next week. Out to the floor and Gunner rams Jeff into the steel. Back in Jeff dives for the corner but gets caught in an ankle lock. He makes the rope and Gunner comes back in with a suplex for two.

Gunner hooks a sleeper as we’re running low on time. Jeff gets up and hits a Whisper in the Wind to put Gunner down but Angle distracts Garrett. It prevents a tag (kind of, as the referee wouldn’t have been there anyway) and Angle pulls Jeff back into the corner. And never mind as Jeff makes the tag a second later anyway. Gunner cleans house and hits a falling Diamond Cutter (Angle lands the same but he would be on Garrett’s back. Garrett fell forward if that makes more sense) on Kurt for two. Everything breaks down and the Swanton pins Kurt clean at 14:31.

Rating: C. Main event tag formula was at work here, but dang man did we really need to have Garrett in this spot on the card? He didn’t really do much at least which is probably a good thing. Jeff vs. Angle was a second story here but it didn’t get the focus that Garrett did. Anyway at least it wasn’t horrible.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a step down for them. We had a show with the world champion in action, two title matches (one with a title change) and a return of a former world champion, but Garrett Bischoff was in the main event. Other than that, the show was just kind of there. Stuff happened (without being advertised in advance of course) but nothing really that huge. Anderson is back and is thrown into AJ vs. Daniels so it doesn’t really mean much. Not a horrible show but it didn’t click like they were shooting for.

Results
Eric Young/ODB b. Gail Kim/Madison Rayne – Eric fell on Gail after being hit with a title belt
Zema Ion b. Austin Aries via DQ when Aries sprayed hairspray in Ion’s eyes
Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode went to a no contest
Matt Morgan/Crimson b. Robbie E/Robbie T – Carbon Footprint to Robbie E

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UWF Championship Wrestling – March 7, 1987: Ted DiBiase As A Plucky Young Good Guy

UWF Championship Wrestling
Date: March 7, 1987
Location: Tulsa Convention Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Jim Ross, Bill Watts

This is still Mid-South, but under another name and several years later than I’ve been looking at. Crockett would buy out Watts the following month but the company would survive until the end of the year when it was basically written off while the top talent (namely Sting and a few others) would be incorporated into the NWA). Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip from last week with Michael Hayes and Sunshine putting Dark Journey in a small cage.

Watts talks about his sons being engaged or something. Also his son Erik is going to play college football.

Ken Massey vs. Sam Houston

Houston controls with a headlock and Massey hooks an armbar. Houston wakes up and the reverse bulldog ends this quick.

Wild Bill Irwin/Eli vs. Ted DiBiase/Iceman King Parsons

Irwin and Eli are part of Devastation Inc and they disagree with DiBiase coming out to Born in the USA. DiBiase promises to take the UWF Title off of One Man Gang and leave Akbar bloodied. Parsons might have joined Devastation Inc. but Parsons tells DiBiase to chill. Eli jumps DiBiase and Parsons just lets him do it. Parsons walks off so it’s a handicap match. Steve Cox comes out to be DiBiase’s partner as he’s getting beaten down two on one.

Wild Bill Irwin/Eli vs. Ted DiBiase/Steve Cox

DiBiase is in trouble as Irwin pounds away on him. Irwin misses a charge and DiBiase makes the diving tag to Steve Cox. Everything breaks down and Devastation Inc. is knocked to the floor, making them walk out for a countout.

Eddie Gilbert and Sting have a tag title shot tonight but Eddie says they should be given the titles because the titles were stolen in the first place. Missy Hyatt runs her mouth and good night her voice was annoying. Sting says they’ve been used and abused. It’s so weird seeing him as a heel.

Here’s a video on the Dallas Times-Herald that has been promoting the company. There are free posters in the paper every Sunday with the final one being the Freebirds. That’s kind of cool.

JR talks to King Parsons who goes on a big rant about how it’s DiBiase’s problem and it was his fault. Parsons speaks a lot of jive. This is about Chris Adams and a tournament that Parsons walked out on apparently. They were in the tag title tournament finals and Parsons walked out. They had feuded for about ten years and this is something about Adams being a legit convict. There’s someone named Savannah Jack who Parsons calls an Uncle Tom. He has a jailbird shirt for Adams too. Parsons has a very annoying voice. He has a bag of Oreos too.

Bobby Perez vs. Buddy Jack Roberts

After Bobby’s intro we see the UWF Top Ten. Roberts pounds him into the corner and puts Perez’s face into all the buckles. A few knee drops set up a legdrop and Perez is sent to the outside. A bulldog ends this.

Dark Journey wants to be in the small cage (the Penalty Box) with Sunshine. Hayes and Roberts come out to hold Dark Journey so that Sunshine can put something from a jar onto Journey. Missing Link and Chavo Guerrero run out for the save. Journey gets the jar but Missy runs in to hit Dark Journey. Missy gets the jar and leaves with Sting and Gilbert.

Kenny Johnson vs. Steve Cox

Cox is Steve Williams’ protege and a former football player so JR snaps off a bunch of stats and names that most people don’t care about. Cox hits a powerslam and side Russian legsweep for the quick pin to stay undefeated.

Dark Journey is with Chavo and Missing Link. This is clearly earlier on as Journey is in a totally different outfit and accepts the penalty box match. They talk about the cream but don’t know what it is.

Tag Titles: Eddie Gilbert/Sting vs. Terry Taylor/Chris Adams

Taylor and Adams are defending. Sting is in street clothes for some reason. Gilbert says Sting has torn his bicep so a guy named Mike Boyette is replacing him for one night. Eddie and Taylor start us off and here’s King Parsons for no apparent reason. The match starts and he jumps on the mic to say hang on a second. He calls out Adams as a jailbird and a sucker, which draws Adams out of the ring. Ok so now back to the match.

It’s Gilbert vs. Taylor still and now off to Adams who throws Gilbert around. Boyette comes in as does Taylor and the heels take over on him. Neckbreaker gets two for Gilbert as does a suplex. Taylor manages to tag as does Gilbert and we’re out of time. The credits roll but Adams hits a quick superkick to retain. I’m not rating it due to the length that we actually saw, since most of the match was the Parsons thing.

Overall Rating: C. It’s not a bad show but I certainly prefer the earlier ones. The world champion didn’t appear for some reason and while the stories here make sense, they’re nothing incredibly interesting. You have DiBiase as a top guy but he’d be gone soon. The company probably wouldn’t have died anytime soon though, as it was at least entertaining. I’ve never gotten the appeal of Eddie Gilbert though.

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WCW Saturday Night – January 22, 1994: Sting vs. Simmons

WCW Saturday Night
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Center State Theater, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

Time for another of these. I found the next episode after January so we can keep going with this for a little while longer. Anyway, this is the go home show before the Clash so expect a lot of push for that. I think this is another 90 minute episode so this will be about as long as the previous one was. Let’s get to it.

There’s a six man main event with a heel mystery partner.

Nasty Boys vs. Ron Oates/Mark Starr

The Nasties are the tag champions and we get a quick word from Jack and Payne, their challengers on Thursday. Sags and Starr start things off and it’s domination early. Off to Knobbs who walks into a dropkick and armdrag as the jobbers clear the ring for a bit. Off to Oates who is a big guy. Not that it matters much as the good guys tag in and out a lot to work on the arm of Knobbs.

Knobbs runs him over to bring in Sags but he gets taken down as well. Finally some double teaming takes over for the Nasties and things slow WAY down. Everything breaks down and they be clubberin on Starr. Off to a chinlock by Sags but Starr gets up for a hot tag to Oates. And never mind as Knobbs kills him with a double ax. Brian splashes him in the corner and a top rope elbow from Sags gets the pin.

Rating: D+. This was way better than I was expecting. It’s a nice change of pace to have the jobbers get in some offense other than a few shots here and there. Not the best match in the world or anything, but I didn’t expect it to get almost seven minutes which made things a lot better here.

Colonel Parker says he’s got a mystery man that’s going to take care of Sting and Flair and Boss.

One of the commercials is for this new move Ace Ventura Pet Detective.

Here’s Flair who talks about giving his son the world title to take into his first grade class for show and tell. It’s more serious than it sounds.

Dustin Rhodes vs. Ricky Tango

That’s a great jobber name. This is your usual squash: Tango is all fired up but Dustin survives the offense and hits the big lariat to set up the bulldog for the pin.

Dustin says he’s ready for Steven Regal and the TV Title on Thursday. Regal has been badmouthing America and Dusty and that isn’t cool.

We go to the control center for the Clash to talk about the majority of the card. We see some clips of the Nasties beating up Jack/Payne on World Wide. Gene talks about the chicken suit match and we also get a clip of Simmons getting in a fight with Ice Train.

Shanghai and Slazenger talk about their match next week with Badd. If Shanghai loses, he takes the mask off.

Ron Simmons vs. TC Carter

Carter wants a test of strength so Simmons kicks him in the ribs for his efforts. Carter hits a dropkick and Simmons isn’t happy. Simmons clotheslines him down and demands a handshake. When Carter tries, Ron kicks him down. That’s awesome. Carter tries another comeback but Ron KILLS him with a shoulder and the spinebuster for the pin.

Ice Train comes out to offer another handshake but Simmons has nothing to do with it and walks off.

Parker runs his mouth about Pillman and Austin shows off his new managers’ license so he can be at Parker’s match on Thursday. Ron Simmons is announced as the mystery partner.

Jim Steele vs. Bob Starr

Oh it’s Jungle Jim Steele. Steele looks like a cross between Ultimate Warrior, Jimmy Snuka, and Tarzan. He was one of WCW’s 948 attempts to recreate Ultimate Warrior, but didn’t have the talent or charisma. A Thesz Press ends this quick.

Gene is in the crowd with some girls but he can’t talk about his news regarding Arn Anderson. But they can call the hotline to find out.

Vader vs. Al Phillips

I don’t like the jobber’s chances. What are you expecting here? Big powerbomb ends this in about a minute.

Vader wants Flair on Thursday. He gets him in a tag match and threatens to kill him. Rude comes in and says bring it on Sting.

2 Cold Scorpio/Marcus Bagwell vs. Tom Burton/Bill Payne

Burton and Scorpio start things off and they mess up a cross body spot that sends Scorpio crashing into the mat. He’s playing possum though and cleans house with Bagwell. Powerslam gets two for Marcus. Scorpio comes in for a corner splash and then we get a double superplex to Burton to kill him for the pin. Now that was a cool ending to a squash.

Pillman says Parker is going to wear the chicken suit. Parker broke up the Blondes and on Thursday, dinner will be served. He’s got a piece of chicken in his hand as he says this.

Rick Rude/Steve Austin/Ron Simmons vs. Sting/The Boss/Ric Flair

That’s a big main event. For some reason they come out to Boss’ music which is really slow and doesn’t do much to get the crowd going. Ice Train is here to yell at Simmons and Rude. It’s a brawl to start and the good guys clear the ring as you would expect. Train stays out there because Parker can. So what’s the point of the manager’s license thing then? Rude and Boss start things off.

Off to Sting as Boss hammers on Rude. We get a pair of atomic drops to Rude which is always funny. Off to Austin in a match that could have drawn millions in 98. Austin gets caught in an electric chair and his team hasn’t been having a ton of luck. Off to Naitch in what was supposed to be Starrcade 1994. Austin backdrops him but gets caught in a Figure Four attempt.

Boss comes in to work on the knee but gets caught by Rude. Rude tries a sleeper but gets caught in a jawbreaker. Simmons pulls the top rope down and Boss is sent to the outside. Simmons comes in to throw Boss around and the fans want Sting. Sting vs. Simmons could have been a huge feud. Austin breaks up the tag and Boss is in trouble. Back to Rude as they work on Boss’ back.

Here’s a bearhug but Boss shoves his way to the corner for a tag to Sting, but the referee misses it. Now Simmons switches places with Rude to hook on a bearhug. Simmons goes to the middle rope but jumps into a punch. There’s the tag to Sting who destroys Simmons with a powerslam for two. Everything breaks down and Sting pins Simmons on a rollup.

Rating: C+. When all else fails, throw six big names into one match and give them ten minutes. It works on Smackdown (kind of) with all those tag matches. This was pretty fun and it’s cool to see Sting vs. Simmons as they were the top faces in the company about a year prior to this. Not a classic or anything but for a TV main event this was fine.

Overall Rating: C+. For a go home show, this was pretty solid. The opening match was longer than expected so we got some ring time on this show which is rare for most TV. The Clash wasn’t that good if my memory is right but we’ll start up towards SuperBrawl after this one. After that, it’s almost Hogan time. Good show this week.

Here’s the Clash if you’re interested:

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Superstars of Wrestling – January 23, 1988: Hogan vs. Andre II Is Coming

Superstars of Wrestling
Date: January 23, 1988
Location: Von Braun Civic Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura, Bruno Sammartino

Smackdown is still loading and probably will be for awhile so let’s take a look at the show the day before the inaugural Royal Rumble. I’d be shocked if that show is actually discussed though, as this show was likely taped weeks in advance. Also we’re getting closer and closer to the Hogan title loss which should be interesting. Let’s get to it.

Usual intro.

Randy Savage vs. Barry Horowitz

Vince goes into his usual I LOVE LIZ stuff. Given his well known female exploits, thank goodness this is when Vince was just a commentator. Savage hits the ax from the top both inside the ring and out to the floor. Peggy Sue (Sherri as Honky’s girl) says stay away from her man. Knee drop gets two. The big elbow ends this.

Update on Matilda who is back. The Islanders are reinstated but everyone hates them now. We get some clips of the announcement that Matilda is back. The Islanders and Heenan aren’t worried about Matilda’s condition. The Bulldogs say Matilda is in bad shape and won’t eat, meaning she’s lost a lot of weight.

Ricky Hunter/W.D. Wellington vs. Butch Reed/One Man Gang

Vince talks about an address that you can send get well cards to Matilda at. Vince: “I’m sure the British Bulldogs read the cards to Matilda.” Jesse: “I’d bet she has to read them to the Bulldogs.” Muraco wants the Gang and Reed. Reed runs over Hunter to start and it’s off to Gang for some pounding. An elbow nearly kills Hunter so it’s off to Wellington. Back to Reed who uses Nikolai’s gorilla press into a backbreaker. Gang hits a gordbuster for the pin. Total domination.

We talk about a New Haven show with a cage match. It’ll be a six man tag in there. We hear about the rest of the card and Jimmy Hart comes in to talk about the six man tag (Savage/Strike Force vs. Honky/Harts).

Joe Mirto/Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Ken Patrea/Billy Jack Haynes

Haynes and Sharpe start us off and Sharpe gets in some offense. Off to Patera vs. Mirto and we hear from Demolition, who is having a small feud with Haynes and Patera. Jesse talks about Hogan vs. Andre II on February 5. Kind of strange that we hear about that but not the Rumble. A quick full nelson to Mirto gets the submission for Haynes.

More house show stuff, this time with Bravo and Frenchy Martin saying they’re ready for Hillbilly Jim. Rude comes in and says he’s beat Koko B. Ware.

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. Rex King/Van Van Horne/Sam Houston

Houston and Davis start us off and Davis is in trouble early. Off to Horne and then King, who is taken down by Davis. What does it mean when Danny Davis is beating you up? Anvil comes in and the power moves begin. Bret does a few things and it’s back to Davis. Houston makes a small comeback but Bret trips him up. The Hart Attack kills Houston and Davis gets the easy pin. This was nothing, although Jesse called referee Joey Marella she for some reason.

We get a clip of Greg Valentine attacking Koko after beating him until Beefcake made the save. Jimmy got a haircut with the big hedge clippers.

Andre and DiBiase are in the arena to talk about February 5. DiBiase says he warned everyone that he would find a way to buy the world title and Andre is that way. Andre says he’ll break Hogan apart and choke him down. DiBiase says the fans won’t mean anything to Hulk then. Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.

Jim Duggan vs. Steve Lombardi

Duggan pounds on him and Lombardi’s shots to the head do nothing. Duggan has a hard head and is stupid you see. A kneedrop and slam set up the three point clothesline for the pin.

Bad News Brown says he’s the only news.

Harley Race/Hercules/Rick Rude vs. Jerry Allen/Lanny Poffo/Scott Casey

Poffo does a quick poem about the Slammys. Casey and Herc start but it’s quickly off to Rude. Ok make that Race. Everyone on the jobber team gets beaten up by all of the Heenan team. Hercules racks Allen for the tap out. Total squash.

Savage and Strike Force say they’re ready for the cage match.

Vince previews next week’s show to end this.

Overall Rating: D+. Pretty boring show this week but again they’re like 40 minutes long so they’re easy to do. We’re on the verge of hitting it huge with these angles too so it’s worth sitting through this part to get to the big stuff. Ton of squashes here as you would expect, but the talk of Hogan vs. Andre makes me drool.

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NXT – March 7, 2012: Why Am I Not Surprised?

NXT
Date: March 7, 2012
Location: Mohegan Sun Casion, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Josh Matthews, William Regal

This is the real anniversary show as the season debuted on March 8, but as you know something like counting eludes WWE. Anyway, Regal is now in charge as the boss and Striker will continue on as host. The only confirmed match is Titus vs. Watson, which is a match we’ve seen and means that another character’s story is going around in circles. Let’s get to it.

We open with Striker in the ring to remind us that Regal has chosen the matches tonight. Regal gets in the ring to talk about tonight’s show. He confirms the main event we already knew and here’s Maxine. She keeps flirting with him and says she’s looking forward to working underneath him. However Teddy makes Aksana vs….oh sorry wrong show. Anyway it’s Maxine vs. Tamina next.

Maxine vs. Tamina Snuka

Maxine grabs what appears to be an octopus hold but Tamina drops back into a rollup. Tamina chases Maxine to the floor as Josh quotes Spider-Man. Regal goes into another long rant/song/poem that I don’t recognize. He got stuck halfway through it which is understandable. Anyway, Maxine misses a charge and the Samoan Drop sets up the Superfly Splash for the pin at 3:00. Usual Divas match but a bit longer and not as annoying.

Here are Hawkins and Reks with something to say. Hawkins says he should have been made in charge of NXT but it’s Regal instead. Reks says that Regal hasn’t done anything and since he can’t get it done in the ring anymore (just like Striker), they run their mouths and make matches. Regal says if they want to get back in the ring next week, he’s got a job for them. He pulls out some brooms and says that after how they’ve treated the roster, they’ll be whatever Regal wants them to be. Either do it, or they won’t be getting matches. The fans chant at him to do the job. Hasn’t he been doing that for years?

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Johnny Curtis

Yoshi sends him to the floor to start and we take a break with Curtis down on the outside. Back with Yoshi controlling in the ring. They go to the mat and Curtis takes over on the arm. Back up and Curtis suplexes him for two. Josh thinks Maxine likes Regal, because most people in this company don’t get women that are evil anymore. They slug it out to give Curtis a small advantage, but Yoshi avoids a charge and chops away. A hard kick to the chest gets two. A big kick misses and Curtis rams Yoshi’s arm into the buckle. They go to the corner where nothing happens, so Curtis hits a Falcon’s Arrow for the pin at 6:17.

Rating: C-. Not a bad match but Curtis continues to reach new levels of uninteresting. Regal graded Curtis’ performance as an A. I’m not sure I’d agree with that, as Curtis isn’t anything of note in the ring or on the mic. Naturally that makes him perfect to keep on TV right?

Speaking of things that aren’t perfect, McGillicutty is looking at the tape of his win over Kidd last week with Striker. He’s watched it multiple times and Kidd comes up. Kidd has been tweeting his rematch requests and tells McGillicutty to man up. Michael goes after him but takes a knee to the ribs to stop him.

Curtis rubs lotion on himself when Maxine comes up. She says she hates him but play along. Maxine kisses his ear when Bateman comes in. He wants to know where Kaitlyn is but they won’t tell him. There’s a mixed tag next week. Bateman is left alone when Curtis/Reks come up. Bateman leaves so Percy comes up to make unfunny janitor jokes.

Raw ReBound.

Jey Uso vs. Darren Young

All hail the new regime? Jimmy sits in on commentary. Jey controls early on but Young takes over with a powerslam. Backbreaker sets up the slingshot into the bottom rope for two. There’s a body scissors and then Young really gets the crowd going with a reverse chinlock. Jimmy talks about how Samoans love to eat because it’s how their culture celebrates. Regal wants to know if it winds up being a big Samoan fight and of course it does. See, FINALLY someone gets their racial stereotypes right. Jey makes his comeback but the running hip attack misses and Young rolls him up for the pin at 4:41.

Rating: D+. I would love an explanation from a higher up in the WWE as to what they see in Darren Young. There’s nothing about him that makes me want to watch him. His matches aren’t anything of note, his talking basically consists of the same thing 80% of heels say today, and his look is nothing we haven’t seen on a bunch of others. I don’t get it at all.

Percy Watson vs. Titus O’Neil

Percy speeds things up to start but he tries to jump over Titus in the corner but lands on a boot. Titus yells about how he knows the rules and controls with power. Off to an abdominal stretch and then a chinlock. Watson makes his comeback with his usual stuff. The dropkick and backdrop set up the Heisman for two. Clash of the Titus is countered into the Persecution for the pin at 5:13.

Rating: D+. As you could say with all of the matches tonight, it’s not bad but who cares? Josh certainly didn’t. This is the first loss for Titus since his change in attitude and Josh sounded like he was watching an old rerun of Cheers. This is another feud that has lost whatever story it had, so why should I care?

Hawkins and Reks clear the ring and tell Regal that they’re just getting started. Regal is mad to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. How foolish I was to think that something was actually going to change on this show. Regal has done nothing but take the place of Striker. We still have the same boring stories and nothing ever changes. Would a big named guest star once in awhile kill them? They have a huge roster and it wouldn’t hurt to have someone pop in, say they’re fans of NXT and have a match would it? Apparently so, because this show is the ugly step child of WWE. Another bad show, which I really should have expected.

Results
Tamina Snuka b. Maxine – Superfly Splash
Johnny Curtis b. Yoshi Tatsu – Falcon’s Arrow
Darren Young b. Jey Uso – Rollup
Percy Watson b. Titus O’Neil – Persecution

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Wrestlemania #4: Book The Tournament Finals

As you know, Wrestlemania 4 had a tournament format. If you didn’t know that, go read about it below. Anyway short question today: how would you have booked it? The only rules: you have to keep the same people in the tournament and Hogan vs. Savage is the main event of Wrestlemania 5 no matter what.  I’m not much of a booker, but here’s what I would have done:I like the original plan which had DiBiase beating an exhausted Hogan in the finals, likely through cheating.    Have Andre knocks Hogan out, Savage runs out for the save but Hogan is out cold in the Million Dollar Dream, and DiBiase stands tall to end the show.  I know it’s a big stretch for the 80s, but how hot would the house shows have been for Hogan vs. DiBiase?  The idea here is that it gives DiBiase the summer to chase Hogan, you have Savage win the title at the first Summerslam and then the Mega Powers Explode as was carved into stone for Mania 5.