AWA SuperClash 1985 – My Mind Is Numb

SuperClash 1985
Date: April 20, 1985
Location: Comiskey Park, Chicago, Illinois
Attendance: 21,000
Commentator: Larry Nelson

Some of you might remember me talking about SuperClash III which was Lawler vs. Von Erich for the “unified” title. This is the original in the series and it’s one of those Pro Wrestling USA shows. In other words, the other companies (AWA/Crockett in this case) are banding together in a mostly futile attempt to fight off Vince because those national companies are evil so we need to join up into a national company to stop it. The main event is Magnum vs. Flair for the title in what should have been the main event of Starrcade 1986. Let’s get to it.

Nelson and Gagne welcome us to the show.

AWA Light Heavyweight Title: Steve Regal vs. Brad Rheingans

Regal is defending and is the heel. Brad is an Olympic weightlifter. Both guys are interviewed by Nelson on the way to the ring. Regal of course isn’t the British version. His name is Mr. Electricity, which would be a great gimmick for today’s Regal for the camp value if nothing else. There are a few rows of fans at ringside in bleachers (and by a few I mean about four) so it looks like there are about 200 people here. Then they go wide and you see 20,000 so it’s not so bad.

Brad easily overpowers him to start and controls with a headlock. Regal has been champion for over a year and a half. He works on the arm but Brad avoids a charge and works on Regal’s arm. In a really bad looking spot, Brad dropkicks him and the feet hit Regal, but Regal doesn’t move and Brad acts like he missed it. A bad looking clothesline by Regal results in more bad selling. This is really missing but it’s not completely horrible.

Off to a chinlock by the champ which is probably a good idea here as they need to collect their heads. It’s strange to see a power man in there fighting for a lighter title. We’re five minutes in and Regal might have cheated to keep his chinlock. Regal lets him up and drops a middle rope elbow. Another attempt at one hits mat and both guys are down. Brad starts his comeback with a backdrop for two. Atomic drop looks for a pin but Jimmy Garvin distracts the referee, allowing Regal to get a rollup to retain.

Rating: D. This one wasn’t really bad but it came and went and that’s about it. It’s not a good match and it’s not interesting either. This is one of those light heavyweight matches where it’s a match of regular wrestlers who weigh under a certain limit. They don’t wrestle any differently and it makes for a pretty dull match.

Regal says he didn’t cheat.

AWA Women’s Title: Sherri Martel vs. Candi Devine

Devine is defending. Rheingans jumps Regal before the match starts. Sherri stalls before the match and won’t let the referee pat her down for weapons. To be fair she’s wearing a form fitting one piece swimsuit so where would she hide them? Devine grabs a top wristlock but Sherri pulls the hair to take her down. Nelson sounds like Casey Kasem. Now Sherri works on the arm. Now Devine works on the arm.

Sherri gets in a shot to the head to take over before sending her out to the floor. Somehow Sherri loses track of the woman in a black outfit on a baseball field and Candi is able to sneak back in and dropkick Sherri to the floor. Boston Crab by Candi is reversed into a reversal by Sherri which gets two. Sherri drops a leg and a horrible small package for one. Back to the floor and Sherri knees her in the head to keep her out of the ring.

After that happens a few times Devine pulls Sherri to the floor and wraps the leg around the post. Back in and Devine works on the arm a bit more because we haven’t done that in awhile. Now Sherri hooks a headlock and this needs to end really badly. It’s 80s women’s wrestling so this isn’t going to be good by default (other than the Bomb Angels that is) but do we need eleven minutes of it? Sunset flip gets two for Devine. Finally Sherri wins with a top rope splash. Actually it was more like a knee to the chest as she overshot Candi but whatever.

Rating: D-. This was even worse than the previous one. The psychology was completely non-existent (wrap the leg around the post, TIME FOR AN ARMBAR!!!) as Devine was clearly there for her looks. Sherri was a heat machine but I never was huge on her in ring stuff. Pretty awful match.

Sherri says she’s the champion.

As I said, everyone is giving interviews before the match. I’m not going to bother recapping them unless something of note is said because most of them just say “I’ll win.”

Asian Six Man Tag Titles: Giant Baba/Tsuruta/Genichiro Tenryu vs. Harley Race/Bill Irwin/Scott Irwin

I can find no source claiming that these titles existed either before or after this show. The three Japanese guys are the defending champions but they have no belts. Baba has freaky skinny arms. Scott vs. Tenryu to start. They talk about the two former world champions here: Race and Tsuruta. That’s very interesting that they’re ignoring Baba being a three time NWA World Champion.

Ok so Scott is in the shirt. Got it. Race comes in to fight Tenryu and never mind as it’s Jumbo. Race is his usual old school heel self and it’s off to Bill. Bill makes a tag as Tsuruta counters a top wristlock. Off to Race vs. Baba as this match is really awkward. There’s no story here so there’s no heat to it. They tag in and out a lot and technically it’s ok, but it’s more like a collection of moves than a coherent match.

Bill gets a boot in and the fans are getting behind the heels. See what I mean about it not making a lot of sense? Tenryu is going to be playing Ricky Morton it seems. Piledriver gets two for Race. The Irwins hit a double back elbow for the same. Tenryu gets a boot up and it’s hot tag to Jumbo. Everything breaks down and Baba LAUNCHES Bill into the corner and to the floor. Back to Tenryu who gets a slam for two. Everything breaks down again and Baba hits a big boot on Bill for the pin to retain.

Rating: D. This show has been pretty meh so far and this match hasn’t helped anything. The fake champions defended their fake titles against guys they have no issue with right? On top of that like I said, there’s no issue here so the match isn’t anything interesting either. This felt off the whole time and it really brought it down. That and the heels being cheered because no one knew most of the Japanese guys.

The idiot Nelson calls Race the Legend of St. Louis.

Midget Championship: Little Mr. T. vs. Little Tokyo

This is something they’d do every now and then. The title had no continuity and one day a guy would be called champion for the sake of having a title match. These matches usually suck and it’ll probably have some unfunny comedy. This is one of those matches where there’s not much to say because again, there’s no story. Mr. T. gets caught in a quick armbar as for the fourth match in a row, Nelson isn’t sure if there was hair pulling or not.

Tokyo rams him into the buckle but Mr. T. comes back with a headbutt for two. Back to the armbar by T. until Tokyo comes back with strikes. He’s mean apparently. T. hooks a chinlock and then Tokyo kicks him in the shoulder. This is going nowhere. T. and the referee look at something in the air for no apparent reason. Here’s a test of strength which Tokyo controls but Mr. T. doesn’t pity that Japanese fool and stomps on Tokyo’s feet. Tokyo hooks a headlock again and T. hits a pair of Butt-Butts. You figure out what it is. Tokyo wins with a double chop.

Rating: D-. Is there a single good match on this whole show? There are enough to pick from (13) as the show runs over three hours, so there almost has to be one good one in here somewhere. It’s pretty clear that they were trying to fit as much in here as possible without really putting any effort into it. And they wonder why they went out of business.

IWA International Title: Mil Mascaras vs. Buddy Robers

This is called the Mexican Title but it’s an actual belt. Mascaras is champion here. Roberts is a Freebird so he’s a southern brawler, which doesn’t sound like it’s going to mesh that well with Masscaras. Mil moves around quickly and Roberts is getting frustrated. Mascaras hooks a full nelson and lifts him off the mat with it in a nice display of power. He uses a bunch of holds that get on Roberts’ nerves and this is bordering on a squash.

When all else fails, rake the eyes of the masked man. Buddy might hit him low before coming off the middle rope with an elbow for tow. Neckbreaker gets two. They slug it out and Roberts misses a running knee in the corner. He gets tied up and Mascaras doesn’t follow up due to being technico. Mascaras throws him around, slams him and comes off with the top rope cross body to retain.

Rating: C. This was by far the best match of the night up to this point. More than anything else, they kept this short. It also helped that there was a story, even though it was a simple one (one guy cheats, the other doesn’t). Mascaras was something different (and interesting, unlike the midgets or women) and made the match much more entertaining.

WCCW Texas Title: Kerry Von Erich vs. Jimmy Garvin

There seems to be more people around the ring now. Kerry wants the Claw before the match even begins but Precious gets in the way. Kerry is defending here. He takes the jacket off and we get the girl pop. We hear about Mike being in the hospital. That would be the injury he was rushed back from and that would drive him to suicide. Kerry tries the Claw but when Jimmy runs, Kerry does Jimmy’s strut.

Kerry speeds things up and the place is erupting off every move he makes. Garvin tries to cheat and gets run over for his efforts. Shoulder block gets two. Garvin gets in some offense but misses an elbow drop. Kerry misses a knee but doesn’t really get in trouble. A quick abdominal stretch is broken up and Garvin hooks a chinlock. Kerry gets knocked to the floor where Precious yells at him. Garvin won’t let him back in so Kerry stalls like a Zbyszko. Back in Kerry hits some discus punches but can’t get the Claw. Jimmy goes up but gets crotched and falls off, allowing Kerry to get the pin.

Rating: C-. Anticlimactic ending aside, this could have been a bad TV main event I guess. It’s a good example where the crowd can help a match as the fans were rabid for Kerry. What a shame it was that Fritz wouldn’t let his boys go outside of Texas because Kerry could have been a huge star on a national stage.

Nick Bockwinkel/Ray Stevens/Larry Zbyszko vs. Greg Gagne/Scott Hall/Curt Hennig

Old vs. new here. Hall with that mustache is something to see. Jack Brickhouse introduces the match. He reminisces for awhile and does LONG intros, taking almost three minutes to introduce six men. Hennig vs. Bockwinkel to get us going. The fans all start to get interested in something so the match stops for a few seconds. Bockwinkel flips Hennig around as Curt is a hot shot rookie at this point.

Hennig comes back so Nick hides in the corner. Off to Larry who only stalls about 40 seconds this time. Larry gets thrown around so he rants and raves for awhile. Off to Hall who works on Larry’s arm. Off to Gagne who jumps onto the arm off the top. Now Hennig works on the arm but Larry gets a suplex in to bring back Nick. Larry and Nick choke on Hennig in the corner until Hall comes over which doesn’t really do much.

Hennig gets knocked to the floor and worked over for a few minutes until it’s back inside for an abdominal stretch from Larry. Curt manages to tag Gagne but the referee misses it. Bockwinkel and Hennig collide as the match keeps going. Larry comes in and there’s the hot tag (with a POP) to Gagne. Everything breaks down and Hall powerslams Steves (both illegal) for the pin. Stevens never tagged into the match.

Rating: C-. Not the best six man in the world as it was more or less a three on two match given Stevens not coming in. The match wasn’t that good but the energy was there at the end. Hall looked like a completely different guy and Hennig has a small afro, so time has been kind to those guys. This was just barely ok.

AWA Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Road Warriors

The Warriors are defending. This is Hayes/Gordy and they have their faces painted with the Confederate Flag. The champs clear the ring before the bell and are mad over because this is in Chicago. Hawk and Gordy start as Hayes walks around the field with people yelling at him. Hawk pounds on Terry so Terry heads off to bring in Hayes. Off to Animal as the Birds stall. Ok it’s Animal vs. Gordy.

The squashing continues with the Warriors taking their shots at Gordy. Michael comes back in again and gets pounded so much he crawls back to Gordy for a tag. Terry is like uh….not right now. Gordy finally wakes up and goes after the eyes before dodging a charging Hawk to send his shoulder into the post. Hayes comes back in and hits a side suplex for two. Piledriver by Gordy mostly works but Hawk doesn’t feel like selling that much.

Hayes goes up but Hawk slams him off the top but manages to tag before Hawk can. That’s kind of impressive. Gordy and Hawk collide but there’s the hot one to Animal. Hayes stays on the apron as Animal destroys Gordy, getting two off a powerslam. Everything breaks down and even Roberts and Ellering come in. Ellering gets dropped with a chair and Gordy accidentally pops Hayes. Powerslam to Hayes by Animal and a shoulder to Gordy looks to finish but Hayes comes off the middle rope with something around his hand to knock Animal out for the pin and the titles! The place is stunned.

Rating: D+. This one didn’t quite work either. The whole match was a mess and the ending was hard to follow due to everything going all nuts. The Warriors were still in the period where they would do nothing but run people over, which ran for about the next six or eight years. Bad match for the most part, but you know what’s coming.

Verne Gagne comes out and says hold on a minute. He reverses the decision and the Warriors get the titles back.

NWA Six Man Titles: Krusher Khruschev/Ivan Koloff/Nikita Koloff vs. Crusher/Dick the Bruiser/Baron Von Raschke

This is Crockett vs. AWA and the Russians are the champions of course. Big brawl to start and we eventually get down to Crusher vs. Krusher. Crusher bolo punches his way to prosperity and brings in the Baron. Nikita comes in and runs from the Claw. Nikita was a killing machine and he’s running from an old bald guy holding his hand in the air. Ivan comes in and gets beaten up by the old man as well.

Here’s Dick The Bruiser who is a scary man. He and the Crusher are identical. Dick and Ivan have a test of strength with the evil Russian cheating to escape. Back to Crusher vs. Krusher with Crusher taking over and bringing Baron back in. Ivan comes back in and takes Crusher down. He hits a legdrop which Nelson calls illegal. I’m not even touching that one. Crusher makes his comeback and it’s off to the Bruiser. Baron comes in and drops a leg which isn’t mentioned by Nelson. There’s the Claw and everything breaks down. We cut to a wide shot then go back to see Ivan pinning Baron.

Rating: D+. The ending is as quick as it sounds and since Larry didn’t see it either, we have no idea what knocked Baron out. I think you could see both other Russians but things were moving too fast. Nikita should have been in there running over people though as it’s what he was best at. This is the AWA though so it doesn’t think things through at times.

AWA American’s Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Boris Zhukov

Guess who the champion is. Boris jumps the champ to start but Sarge uses the powers of American to get control. The camera jumps to the crowd for some reason. Back to Slaughter destroying Boris, sending the shoulder into the post. They head to the floor and Zhukov slams him onto the mound. Boris controls with basic heel tactics back in the ring. Swinging neckbreaker gets two.

There are three matches left after this one and I don’t think I could take anything longer than that. This show has completely drained me. Out to the floor again and Boris slams him on the announce table. A piledriver out there is countered and Boris is slammed off the top back in. Nelson says the ring shifted an inch and then a foot. Dropkick by Sarge puts Boris down and he loads up the Cannon. The Cannon (short clothesline) hits the referee instead and Boris hits him with a loaded elbow pad. Sarge is busted and as the referee checks on it, Boris shoves the referee for the DQ.

Rating: D+. My mind is numb at this point. These matches mean nothing and we’re getting one cheap finish after another. Also the insane amount of punch/kick matches are making this unbearable. There hasn’t been a single match that I would call good and we’re over two hours into it. This needs to get done because it’s too late to be saved. This match was just another on the pile tonight.

Kamala vs. Jerry Blackwell

This is a $10,000 bodyslam challenge. Kamala is managed by Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey. The Sheik used to manage Blackwell so there’s your story to the match. Kamala pounds on him to start and I keep trying to remember if he ever won a big match. The crowd reacts to it at least. Blackwell makes his comeback and uses general fat man stuff including a splash.

They try to slam each other which doesn’t work at all because more often than not you don’t just pick someone up and try to slam them. They slug it out and Kamala knocks him down with a chop to the head. There’s a splash and the idiot referee counts one. Here’s a nerve hold for a few seconds. Blackwell Hulks Up, splashes Kamala in the corner and slams him for the win.

Rating: D. It was short but this was one of those goofy fat man matches that they would have. The crowd would get into them which is the right idea. Blackwell was incredibly popular but he never would win the world title. Kamala was Kamala for the better part of ever so he was pretty set.

Post match Al-Kaissey and Kamala beat on Blackwell with a sword. Yeah they turn it on its side and hit him over the head with it. Baron with a ball bat finally makes the save.

AWA World Title: Rick Martel vs. Stan Hansen

Martel is defending. This is the next to last match thank goodness. Hansen jumps him to start and they go to the floor as the bell rings. Back in and it’s all Hansen. If I understood right this has a 25 minute time limit. The midgets got 45. Martel sunset flips him for two. Hansen takes him to the mat and chokes away before it’s a big brawl. They go to the floor and Hansen hits him with some chairs and it’s a DQ in about two and a half minutes. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? We’ve had eleven other matches and the WORLD TITLE MATCH gets two and a half minutes? You couldn’t cut one of the six men matches down? I’m done.

Martel and Hansen brawl onto the field and into the dugout until Verne finally breaks it up.

NWA World Title: Magnum TA vs. Ric Flair

I need this. Flair in the 80s may be somewhat overrated, but Flair’s worst match ever is going to be a glass of water in the desert on this show. Magnum is young here but looks awesome. It’s such a shame what happened to him. Flair doesn’t have the big gold belt yet. Nelson: “Flair like to talk about his robes and his money and his possessions. Magnum TA likes to talk about winning the heavyweight championship of the world.”

They go to the mat to start and no one can get an advantage. They try it again and Magnum takes over with a hammerlock. Back up and Magnum wins a power match in a top wristlock. They speed things up and Magnum dropkicks him down followed by a gorilla press. Flair chops him in the corner but Magnum shrugs them off and it’s back to the arm. Flair throws him through the ropes but Magnum holds on and comes back in all fired up. His dropkick misses though and here comes Naitch.

The champ hits that one armed snapmare that you’ll see him do a lot. There’s the knee drop but he doesn’t cover. Butterfly suplex gets two. Abdominal stretch has Magnum in trouble but Flair gets caught pulling trunks so the hold has to be broken. Flair snapmares him down again but the knee misses. Magnum IMMEDIATELY throws on a figure four and the champ is in trouble. You don’t need a big long beatdown. This makes perfect sense so the psychology is right there. Love it.

Ric finally makes a rope but his knee is messed up now. Magnum tries to put it on again but Flair counters. A low blow takes TA down but Flair can’t capitalize. Suplex gets two for Magnum. Backslide for two. Flair pokes him in the eye and throws him to the floor. Magnum comes back with a sunset flip attempt but Flair punches him in the head to break it up. This time Flair hooks a hammerlock and puts his foot on the rope at the same time. Little things like those will always get someone booed, but for some reason no one does them anymore.

Flair stays on the arm and puts his foot on the rope but swears he didn’t do it. Again, little things. Crucifix position cradle gets two. Magnum fights up and hooks a sleeper. Flair slaps at the ropes but doesn’t grab them so the referee won’t break it up. The sleeper was Magnum’s finisher before he started using the belly to belly. A splash hits knees though and both guys are down.

Flair hits a kneecrusher out of nowhere and there’s the Figure Four. Magnum turns it over so Flair lets it go. He tries to hook it again just like Magnum did earlier but Flair’s is countered as well. Magnum throws him into the corner for the Flair Flip (Nelson thinks it’s a DQ but the referee says Flair flipped himself. Whatever) and they go to the floor. Flair is busted so Magnum pounds away at the cut.

Magnum is all fired up but Flair says bring it on. TA keeps pounding away at the cut and Flair is bleeding nice and strong. Big right hand gets two. Backdrop puts Flair down as he’s holding back on the belly to belly so far until he knows Flair is ready. They do the awesome backslide bridge out and the fans are all fired up now. There’s the belly to belly (powerslam according to Nelson) but Flair’s feet hit the referee. Magnum rolls him up but Flair pulls the tights into one of his own for the pin. Nelson: “Flair wins the title!”

Rating: B+. After the AWFUL stuff that we had to sit through for the last three hours, I’d have given anything that was good a solid grade here. Good match here and after Magnum had his best match ever in about two months, seeing this again in about fourteen months would have been awesome. Very good match and every time I see Magnum in a big one, it makes me kind of sad. He’d be 52 today so he could still be somewhat active. What a shame.

Overall Rating: Agoobwa. Until the main event this was going to be a rating that hadn’t been heard of yet. It’s not so much that it’s bad because some of these matches are okish, but THIRTEEN of them in a row isn’t enough for a very good main event to make this even salvageable. The lack of stories and the high amount of punch/kick matches bring this WAY down. Just too long and nothing interesting until the last match. Really bad show but if you’ve got 25 minutes to kill, you could do a lot worse than Flair vs. Magnum.

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Thought Of The Day – Heel/Face Mannerisms

I’m watching a Flair match from 1985 and it got me to thinking:In a lot of Flair matches, you would see him put his feet on the ropes or cheat in some small way.  I remember at I think Starrcade 88 he had Luger dead and could have pinned him with one finger on Luger’s chest.  Flair threw his feet on the ropes anyway on the pin.  That’s something so small and so easy, but it’ll get people to boo you every time.

 

In short, bad guys cheat.  It can be anything, from feet on the ropes to grabbing a rope for extra leverage to hooking some tights to poking in the eye.  Any of those little things will get the crowd to boo you because the fans know that some things are just plain cheating.  The same is true of good guys: stuff like clean breaks or offering a handshake.  As long as it’s not campy, it’ll make it clear who the good guys is.

 

My question: who does no one do things like this anymore?  They’re so simple but they’re guaranteed heel heat.  Is that too complicated for them?




Hulk Hogan Sex Tape – KB’s First Contest

http://www.411mania.com/wrestling/news/228045/Someone-is-Shopping-Around-a-Hulk-Hogan-Sex-Tape.htm

 

Whoever comes up with the funniest title gets the review of their choice.  I’ll be judging it myself and we’ll say two days to come up with one.

 

Go.

 

 

 




Wrestlemania #3: Best Opening Match In Wrestlemania History?

Can-Am Connection vs. Orton/Muraco.  This is going to sound strange but I think it might have been.Now before everyone pelts me with bottles and rotten vegetables, think about this for a minute.  The point of an opening match is to get the crowd fired up but not to be too flashy.  This is something that WWE has changed in modern Wrestlemanias: the show’s opener is usually a big match, last year even being for the world title.  With this one though, you get a quick match that has nothing significant to it, but it’s well put together with power vs. speed and good vs. bad.  It’s a fine example of how to open a show and the crowd is warmed up for the main courses now.  I’ll likely get ripped apart for this, but I think it might be the best opening match ever at this PPV.  Note that I said best opening match, not best match that opened the show.  Two different things.

 

Thoughts?




Wrestlemania Count-Up – #3: This Show Is Required Viewing For All Fans

Wrestlemania 3
Date: March 29, 1987
Location: Pontiac Silverdome, Pontiac (Detroit), Michigan
Attendance: 93,173
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse Ventura
America The Beautiful: Aretha Franklin

Now we hit the big time. This is the first time when Wrestlemania was built up as the mega event and also it’s the first time we get a few Mania traditions. For one thing, it’s the first time we get the huge main event. While the tag match and Hogan/Bundy were big matches, to say they were nothing compared to Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant is the understatement of the century.

It was also the first time we had a Mania that featured a really big midcard match in the form of what might be the greatest wrestling match of all time. There was far more backstory to these matches this time which is always a good thing as it causes far less filler. It can easily be argued that this right here is the true birth of Wrestlemania as we know it.

Can-Am Connection vs. Bob Orton/Don Muraco

That being said, let’s get to the first contest! Shockingly enough, it’s kind of a filler, but at the same time it really doesn’t feel like one. We have the short lived tag team known as the Can-Am Connection (Tom “Z-Man” Zenk and Rick Martel) against Bob Orton and Don Muraco, managed by Mr. Fuji. Now the CAC was an interesting team. They were kind of the Rockers before the Rockers.

Both were young, in shape, handsome, and fast paced workers. They were in line to be the face challengers to the Hart Foundation but Zenk left after a strange argument that we’re still unclear on and Martel was paired up with Tito Santana to form one of my all time favorite tag teams in Strike Force, who went on to beat the Harts for the belts.

But anyway onto the match. Yet again, about as basic a tag match as you can get with speed against power and that’s a combination that rarely fails. This is tag team wrestling 101 and it’s done about as well as you could ask for in a situation like this.

CAC plays the role of the young kids that aren’t that experienced against two veterans getting their first shot on the big stage to perfection. Orton gets his arm worked on and completely no sells it less than a minute later which just made me shake my head. This match boarders on a squash as the CAC are really never in trouble at all and win with a cross body on Muraco.

Rating: B-. The lack of selling by Orton and the absolute dominance by the CAC keep this from being a great match but for a warm up match for Wrestlemania that was designed to get the crowd into the show, this was done perfectly. I think I voted for this as best Mania opener ever, which I still think isn’t a stretch.

Hercules vs. Billy Jack Haynes

Next up we have Hercules against Billy Jack Haynes in a battle of the full nelsons. Simple story here: two powerhouses that both use the full nelson. A few weeks prior to this, Haynes had offered to let Hercules put the hold on him to see if he could break it. Hercules, a heel, attacked him and knocked him out with the hold, leading to this match at Mania.

The match starts off pretty fast with some hard hitting shots. Hercules takes over and all this seems to be about is getting the full nelson on the other. It’s really just a brawl which is fine as they keep it relatively short here. It’s always fun to see two big strong guys hammering on each other. Hercules has the pin and pulls him up which leads to the comeback.

Hercules gets the hold on first but it’s not on full which lets Haynes get up. Haynes eventually gets his nelson on but Hercules launches both of them to the floor where Haynes gets the hold again but we get a double count out. Haynes chases Heenan and Hercules blasts Haynes with the chain and Haynes is busted open really deep sending blood everywhere.

Rating: C-. Decent match between two brawlers that was given the right amount of time. It wasn’t supposed to be a classic and it wasn’t. This match was all about a single hold and that’s what ended the match. Went as well as it could have so it gets a decent grade.

King Kong Bundy/Lord Littlebrook/Little Tokyo vs. Hillbilly Jim/Little Beaver/Haiti Kid

There’s little story to this if any and why midget wrestlers are involved is beyond me. Bob Uecker is on commentary which is good as he’s fairly funny for someone that has no wrestling experience. The rules are simple here: big vs. big and small vs. small.

This match if nothing else proves that Bundy against Hogan was thrown together because there was nothing left. He goes from main eventing Wrestlemania to this? WOW. This is pretty short with the midgets doing most of the work. I get the idea here is that they’re supposed to be professionals and interesting but how can you argue that they’re anything but a novelty?

They go back and forth with Uecker giving some funny commentary. I’m not a fan of these kind of matches at all. They fill time here which isn’t saying much until Bundy is tagged in. Hillbilly gets beaten down by him and then Bundy slams and elbows one of the midgets causing a DQ. Hillbilly carries him to the back in what is a far cry from Superman carrying Supergirl but I’ll take what I can get I guess.

Rating: F. Seriously, what were they thinking here? This match managed to get a few minutes on the biggest show of all time. I guess you could call this the final remnant of the old days when midget matches were popular, but I’m still not getting the point of this. Nothing match and a total filler if there ever was one. And again, how did Bundy fall so far in a year?

Elizabeth Promo. This doesn’t happen as Macho comes in and says he’ll answer any questions the interviewer has. The interview never happens as Macho sends Liz away.

Junkyard Dog vs. Harley Race

Limited story here. Race was the King of the WWF at the time and on a SNME he had faced the JYD. JYD had said he wouldn’t bow to anyone and after Race had knocked him down he tried to force JYD’s head down to bow. The loser here has to bow to the winner. Race stalls like the true old school master that he is. Heenan gets involved and there goes Dog after him.

Naturally this fails him completely but since Dog has a very hard head most of Race’s shots have little to no effect. Race goes for a headbutt on the floor and Dog moves so Race rams his face into the floor. That can’t be nice at all. Gorilla and Jesse argue about managers which is always entertaining. You could tell there was a lot of respect between them.

Abdominal stretch goes on and Gorilla of course complains about it. Did he ever not complain about that hold? Race goes for a headbutt and nearly knocks himself unconscious in the process. Nice job there champ. On all fours now, which Gorilla says is Dog’s favorite position. Heenan gets up on the apron and allows Race to recover and catch a belly to belly to win it.

Rating: D+. Nothing special at all here as it was another four minute match. The right guy won though as Race was far better as far as wrestling talent went but it was surprising to see a guy like Dog, who was very popular, losing like this mostly clean. This was fine I guess.

Post match Dog bows but then pops Race with the chair and steals the crown and robe like a true jerk.

We hear from Hulk Hogan in one of the best cocaine induced promos ever. Seriously, if anyone believes that these Hogan promos aren’t drug induced then they’re far beyond what I can help. Hulk apparently thinks today is a big deal.

Rougeau Brothers vs. The Dream Team

Before we get a really weird promo from Johnny V and Dino Bravo on the Rougeaus. Johnny V is nuts but I like him. On with the match. The Dream Team is Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake if you were wondering. The key to this match is the Dream Team arguing for the entire match for no good reason.

Brutus tried to break up a sleeper but hit Valentine by mistake. Rougeaus hit their finisher but Bravo comes in, hits one of them and puts Valentine on Rougeau. The other three then leave Brutus in the ring, signaling the start of his face turn that lasted until 1994.

Rating: D+. Didn’t do much as it was more for the angle than the match obviously. Not a bad match at all, but nothing mind blowing. This was another way too quick match that I couldn’t get into due to simply being too short. Also the Dream Team is worthy of a major blowoff like this? Really? Pretty weak little match but technically pretty ok.

Adrian Adonis vs. Roddy Piper

Now we get to another of the famous matches here in Roddy Piper’s retirement match which has become a running joke in wrestling. The idea is that Piper went down with an injury and when he came back, Adonis had taken over Piper’s Pit and turned it into the Flower Shop.

They beat on each other for awhile until Piper thought he was an actor because of They Live so he decided to retire. Since then he’s wrestled on and off for over 20 years. A key to this match is both men use the sleeper hold as their finisher. The loser is going to get a haircut apparently.

Adrian is in his most famous gimmick here so Piper, being the MAN’S MAN that he is, hated him. There was a lot more homophobia in wrestling back then, at least in kayfabe. Well not really as any character like that is treated oddly. Those ring carts are still sweet stuff. Adonis says he’ll win. Piper busts out a belt and wipes out Adrian with it before taking a few shots of his own.

Hart gets involved a few times as this is little more than a comedy match for the most part. He finally gets something right though as he pulls Piper’s leg to give Adonis the advantage. Piper gets sent into the table and it’s all Adonis here. Back in the ring now with Piper saying bring it on.

Jimmy sprays perfume in Piper’s eyes and Adrian gets Good Night Irene, his sleeper finisher, and Piper goes down fast. He drops twice but Adrian lets go before the third drop, thinking he’s won. Brutus Beefcake runs down to wake Piper up (Adrian had accidentally cut Beefcake’s hair recently so it makes sense) and Piper gets his own sleeper to end this.

Rating: C+. It’s a standard Piper match which is always fun. This was just a comedy match but at the end of the day piper’s career was never about what he did in the ring so how can I really complain here? This was no classic or anything but it was fine and the fans cheered a lot because of it. PIper didn’t wrestle again for over two years so Piper lived up to his word for a good while at least.

Post match Beefcake cuts Adonis’ hair. A fan runs in as he leaves.

Hart Foundation/Danny Davis vs. Tito Santana/British Bulldogs

This match is pretty much all backstory. Danny Davis used to be a referee but he would cheat for the heels. He cheated Tito out of the IC Title and gave it to Macho Man and cheated the Bulldogs out of the tag titles and handed them to the Harts. He was banned “for life plus ten years”, which lasted about a year or so and he was back again as a referee. The idea here is that he’s completely inept at wrestling and all of his opponents want to kill him and Jimmy Hart, including the Bulldogs’ bulldog Matilda.

Davis will run in and kick someone maybe twice and then bail, more or less making this a 3 on 2 handicap. Hearing the commentators sing Bret’s praises is nothing but amazing as his singles push wasn’t coming for at least another year and a half and his real singles push was almost 3 years away. The kid really had talent and you can see it here.

Before the match Jesse went down to ringside to be introduced to the crowd so we have Gorilla, Bob Uecker and the host of Entertainment Tonight so the commentary is just bad right now. Uecker has some good one liners but the woman is just mindblowingly annoying. Davis misses a splash letting Tito get tagged in and he nearly kills Davis. The faces alternate with just beating the living tar out of him including a tombstone from Davey which was just odd to see for some reason.

The ending of the match was just awful though. Davis gets the sense beaten out of him taking all three of the faces’ finishers with the last being the powerslam. Bret breaks up the pin, and less than 10 seconds after getting powerslammed, Davis gets the megaphone tossed to him and drills Davey with it for the pin.

Rating: C-. The ending was just horrible to me as Davis, a referee, no sells a tombstone, the forearm and the powerslam? With guys like the Bulldogs, Santana and Hart in there, this should have been great. At best it was ok and the ending lost that for them.

Heenan and Andre do a promo here with Andre looking absolutely creepy by not moving an inch. Weirdest part of this interview: Heenan is at least 4 inches taller than Okerlund.

Butch Reed vs. Koko B. Ware

Remember how I said there was less filler on this show? This is some of that filler. There’s no reason at all here for this match other than to let Reed get a squash here and then the post match attack. The best part of the pre match stuff is a shot of Jesse and Gorilla in the broadcast booth which is at least a few hundred feet away from the ring with Jesse showing off his Wrestlemania 3 t-shirt.

As he shows it off he starts showing off his bicep and the way he talks about it is just funny. Anyway, on with this waste of time. If there has ever been a match of a weird combination this is it. Koko is the epitome of a jobber. What did he ever win in his whole career? Reed on the other hand is a great example of someone that had it all but never could put it together. He was even lined up to be a member of the Horsemen.

He had the look, the name, the power, everything you could want but he never could put it all together and I’ve never been sure why. Anyway, this is a pretty bland match as Reed reverses a bad cross body and uses the tights to win. After the match Slick beats up Koko with the cane until Tito runs out and beats up Slick for some reason and rips up his suit.

Rating: N/A. This match was a bad squash. It had no point and the match was just boring. Easily the worst match on the show.

Savage rants about how he’s going to end this tonight.

Steamboat says the Dragon is going to scorch Savage’s back.

Intercontinental Title: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat

I think I now know why the previous match was in the place it was. There’s nothing I can really say about this match that hasn’t already been said. In case you don’t know the backstory, here it is. About 3 months before Savage had been defending the title against Steamboat and during the match had put Steamboat’s throat over the guard rail, went up top and landed a double axe handle, driving him throat first into the rail.

Steamboat had a crushed larynx and allegedly his career was over. Savage had a match on Superstars and Steamboat’s music hit and the crowd went insane. Epic staredown ensues and the match was made for Mania. Between then and Mania, George Steele kidnaps Liz to continue their year long feud so Steele was in Steamboat’s corner.

Savage can’t keep up with him to start and Steamboat dominates with armdrags and then a big old choke. Steamboat works the arm and Savage is in trouble early. Savage throws him to the floor though and now it’s Ricky in trouble. Very nice back and forth stuff to start. Savage goes for the throat which is the part of Steamboat that he hurt earlier so there’s your reasoning.

They keep going back and forth with Steamboat hammering away to get Savage caught in the ropes. They’re moving rather fast out there and Dragon keeps throwing out that armdrag. Ton of near falls in a row for both guys. Dragon Skins the Cat but gets knocked back to the floor. Savage hits a knee to the back of Steamboat to send him over the table and into the crowd.

Jesse yells at Gorilla for saying Steele helping Steamboat back in is cheating and calls Gorilla out of being hypocritical when another heel manager helped his guy back in early. Double axe to the back of the head of Steamboat on the floor and the count is on. Gorilla wants Savage disqualified for some weird clothesline thing. That was odd.

Savage gets a gutwrench suplex for two. Here comes Steamboat again though and he sends Savage over the top with a beautiful bump to the floor. He jumps OVER the referee to hit a big chop on Savage for two. They crank it up again for more near falls all over the place. Savage eats post on a slingshot and that only gets two. He manages to grab Steamboat and send him into the post shoulder first.

And there goes the referee. Savage gets the elbow but there’s no referee for the count. Randy goes out to get his trust bell but Steele shoves him off the top and his head cracks into the bell. Both guys are down though. Savage picks him up and in the famous ending, Steamboat rolls through into a small package for the pin and the title to blow the roof off the place.

Rating: A+. As I said before, likely the greatest match of all time. Nothing but an A+ the whole way with these two beating each other up and never slowing down a bit. Apparently all of these spots were planned out months in advance in Savage’s house in Florida which worked very well as there are zero bad spots here that I can think of. Excellent match and something everyone should see at least once if not more than once.

Jake Roberts vs. The Honky Tonk Man

This all started on Jake’s interview segment the Snake Pit where Honky hit him with a real guitar. See today, the guitars Jeff Jarrett uses are fake. They’re made to explode the way they do. The one Honky used was a real one and didn’t break.

Some of the material legitimately got stuck in Jake’s neck and allegedly that’s what got him addicted to alcohol and drugs to alleviate the pain. Believe that if you want to. Anyway, that more or less started Jake’s face turn and for God knows what reason, rocker Alice Cooper is in Jake’s corner. Also factor in that Jimmy Hart is deathly afraid of snakes.

There’s really not much here. It’s about 7 minutes long so it gets some time but Honky really hadn’t established the character that made him legendary yet, so this isn’t what you’d expect. It’s a very slow paced match that was I think designed to give the people a breather after the IC Title match. They go back and forth for awhile but Jake goes for the DDT and Jimmy grabs his foot. Honky rolls him up and grabs the rope for the pin. After the match, Jake and Alice torment Jimmy with the snake to end things.

Rating: C. It’s nothing special and is little more than a breather for the fans between the two mega matches. This was allegedly a double turn according to some people but that is just stupid as both guys already were in their more famous roles. This was a pretty ok match but dude, they’re following Savage vs. Steamboat. Like anyone cares about what happened here.

We get Gene Okerlund to announce the world attendance record of 93,173. No matter what you think of the show, that’s freaking amazing. This also gets you the beginning of the long running joke with Jesse and Gorilla of Jesse wondering whether or not he and Gorilla are counted in that.

Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff vs. Killer Bees

More or less the same review of the previous match but in tag team version. This is another filler to bridge the gap between the two big matches. As Volkoff is singing, Jim Duggan runs out with the 2×4 and stops the song. This is a really dull match with the Bees using fast moves against both big guys but eventually getting caught.

Duggan is on the floor playing cheerleader throughout the whole thing. Duggan starts chasing Volkoff for some reason while Sheik has one of the Bees in the camel clutch. They go into the ring and Duggan looks at Sheik and for no reason at all, blasts him over the back with the board. Even the commentators are at a loss for why he hit him. It just made absolutely no sense at all.

Rating: D. This match was boring and the ending made less sense than an Iron Sheik promo. Again this was just filler and a way to get the crowd all fired up for that whole biggest match of all time thing coming after it. There was very little thought in this one as the buildup was weak on Superstars. All that being said though as I said in the previous rating, dude they’re right before Hogan vs. Andre.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant

This match has been called the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling and that very well may be true. It was the first true super main event in Wrestlemania history. Here’s the story: Hogan and Andre used to be friends and even tag partners. They celebrated together when Hogan won the belt over 3 years ago. Hogan ran in to save Andre a few times from being beaten up by Bundy and Studd.

Fast forward a year and Hogan is being given a trophy for being World Champion for three years. Andre is given a slightly smaller trophy for not losing a match in 15 years. He looks at the trophies and just walks away. A few weeks later, they have a face to face interview on Piper’s Pit. Andre tilts Hogan’s head up at him and says “Look at me when I’m talking to you. I’m here for one reason: to challenge you for a world championship match at Wrestlemania.”

Hogan is stunned and says he can’t do it. Andre grabs Hogan’s shirt and the cross he wears and rips them off, stunning Hogan. Piper asks him if he’ll fight him and Hogan screams YES!!! You really have to understand how big this was at the time. Andre was like Taker as far as mystique goes, but 10x moreso. This would be like Hulk Hogan coming back today and challenging John Cena to a match.

Hogan cuts one of the most famous promos of his career before the match, saying that the world is going to fall at his feet after the match. Hogan always had that little hint at implying he was God in his promos but never flat out said it.

Andre comes out and the booing is mindblowing. In something that I find funny, he waves to the fans on the way down to ringside. Jesse gives the tale of the tape, which is all of Andre and Hogan’s measurements, showing that as big as Hogan is, Andre is so much bigger. Bob Uecker is the guest announcer and after introducing Andre, says three simple words: and, his opponent. After that, the fans just lose it. Hogan’s music hits and nothing else matters at all.

Gorilla puts it best by saying “The roof of the Silverdome is about to explode here!” In a great camera shot, you get a wide angle shot of the arena with the spotlight on Hogan which really shows how this whole show has been building to this one moment. Hogan gets in the ring and it’s on. I won’t go into detail here either as I’m sure you’ve all seen this at one time or another. Every word of commentary is famous here as I can almost quote the whole match to you.

Within 15 seconds, Hogan goes for a slam and we nearly get a pin. That is a point that is used for over a year as Hogan might not have gotten his shoulder up in time. The way the camera is set up you really can’t tell if he did or not. That would be a point of contention from Heenan for nearly a year, leading up to their rematch in February of 1988.

The in ring work here is really pretty bad, but no one cared. This match was all about the meaning of what was going on and the truly epic nature of the match. No one really knew who was going to win here and it was a legitimate possibility that Hogan would lose. Andre more or less beats the living crap out of Hogan the whole match until the very end. Hogan gets some shots in here and there that do some damage and Andre is clearly worn out at the end of it.

The crowd is almost stunned that Hogan is being dominated. They brawl on the floor for a bit and then head back into the ring. Andre misses a boot and Hogan clotheslines him, knocking him down. The fans go insane at the sight of this. Hulk Hulks Up and he has the crowd in the palm of his hand at this point. In what might be the most most scene in the history of wrestling, Hogan slams Andre to enter immortality.

Even the commentators are in awe at this point as Hogan drops the leg and wins the match. Andre was so big at the time that Hogan ripped his ab muscles to pieces slamming him and was out for a few months. The music plays and Heenan and Andre get into the cart that takes them to the back as Heenan has his head in his hands, wondering what just happened. Hogan poses as we close the show with the fans absolutely going nuts.

Rating: A. The match itself is pretty bad but the historical significance is second to absolutely nothing. Now I’ve seen a lot of people (including his majesty Mr. Meltzer) say this was a horrible match and all that jazz. In short: SCREW YOU ALL. Get the sticks out of yourselves and have some fun for once. If you don’t get chills watching the staredown and the slam, then go watch something else.

You have Hogan and Andre who can barely move at all. What are they supposed to do out there? The entire idea here was to have a major showdown and that’s exactly what they did. THis match was epic, still is epic and will always be epic. Anyone that says this wasn’t a great match that did exactly what it was supposed to do is a fool, and i don’t care who I have to argue this with.

Overall Rating: B+. I went back and forth between B+ and A- here. This is the first truly historic Wrestlemania and the first to truly be the spectacle that is has become today. Easily the two biggest matches are the singles title matches that are still incredibly famous today. There’s far less filler than before and the matches have much more solid stories to them.

This show is more famous for its historical aspect than the in ring stuff and that’s just fine. It’s not the best Mania of all time, but it’s up there. Definite recommendation to see this if you never have, or if you just haven’t watched it in awhile, if nothing else just for the history lesson

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USWA Championship Wrestling – January 2, 1993: Let Me Get This Straight…….What?

USWA Championship Wrestling
Date: January 2, 1993
Location: USWA Television Studios, Memphis, Tennessee
Commentator: Dave Brown

So I came across this today and having liked what I’ve seen from the USWA I figured this would be worth checking out. I did a show from February of this year already so I have an idea of what to expect. That show wasn’t all that great but it’s very hard to tell much off one show. Let’s get to it.

Bill Dundee is going to WCW so we get a highlight reel of his career. Dundee comes out and says this is his last week so he’ll be going to all the cities this week and today is his last TV match.

Mike Miller vs. Bill Dundee

Miller pounds him into the corner to start but Dundee pounds him down. Miller comes back but Master of Terror and someone else run in for the DQ.

Master of Terror piledrives Dundee on the floor and the other guy is named Mike Samples. Lawler and Danny Davis (the wrestler, not the referee) run in for the save. Samples manages to get a third piledriver on the concrete on Dundee though.

Lawler talks about how great this crowd is and then talks about how the competition the last few years has been between organizations, not the wrestlers. I believe this is the start of the USWA vs. WWF feud which was actually pretty awesome, as even back in 1993, the USWA acknowledged Vince as the owner of the WWF and had him as the evil Mr. McMahon, leading the war against the USWA. This was never mentioned on WWF TV of course but it was a huge feud. Lawler implies some WWF guys are coming to the USWA and that we’ll get some interpromotional stuff.

As for Mike Samples, he cost Lawler a battle royal win and $10,000. We get a clip of it and Lawler was knocked out by a foreign object and pinned. Different kind of battle royal I guess. Mike Miller (not Mike Samples) jumps Lawler with a chair and they get in a brawl.

Jeff Jarrett plugs a house show.

Brown tells us that Lawler and Miller had been at a party and Miller had gotten drunk. The host had asked Lawler to take care of it so Lawler punched him out. That’s why Miller jumped him. Simple but effective.

Danny Davis says Dundee is like a brother to him but right now he’s got an ice pack on his neck in the back. Davis wants both Samples and Master of Terror in one on one matches tonight.

Jerry Lawler vs. Mr. Paradise

Total squash until Miller runs in for the DQ at about a minute.

It takes awhile to break up. Miller says that he’s not a bad person. He was at a New Year’s Eve party having a good time when he looked up and saw Lawler having milk and cookies. Lawler came over and asked him to leave. Miller wasn’t ready to leave so he kept talking to the girl he was talking to. Lawler spun him around and knocked him out. Miller is going to come after Lawler every time he sees him, no matter where it is. See how easy it is to have a program you could have running for awhile?

We get a clip from a Jarrett vs. Brian Christopher title match. I’m not sure who the champion is here but Christopher hits him with a chain for two. Then someone throws powder in Jeff’s eyes but that only gets two. Jeff rolls him up for two. It’s clipped between each of these things happening. The ref gets bumped and Christopher misses his top rope legdrop.

Jeff hits his cross body off the top but Brian’s manager hit him with a cane for two. Brian got the chain again but Jeff steals it and hits him from the middle rope with it. THAT gets two and these kickouts are getting ridiculous. The manager trips Jeff with his cane but Jeff rolls through and hooks the tights (giving me more of a shot of Christopher in a thong than I ever wanted to see) for the pin. The manager gets shaved post match as I guess a stipulation. Apparently Jarrett won the Southern Heavyweight Title there. This would have been just before Christmas and Jeff’s sixth title reign.

Bounty Hunter vs. Jeff Jarrett

This is non-title. Bounty Hunter is your generic masked man. Jeff pounds him into the corner to start and after a back elbow, a jumping DDT gets the quick pin.

Brian Christopher in a shirt and tie comes out with something to say. Christopher says his manager hasn’t deserted him and he has a guy named Mr. Clyde with him now too. If Jarrett puts the title up, Clyde’s hair will be on the line. Jeff wants Brian’s hair on the line. Christopher says Clyde’s hair plus $1000. Jeff declines again and does the same with $2000. During a commercial, Christopher says he’ll put it on the line in two weeks. Oh ok next week. This week it’s Clyde’s and $2000. Those matches happen on the next two Tuesdays in Memphis. Ok then.

House show rundown. Lawler vs. Samples in a boxing match. To clarify Brian vs. Jeff, both matches will be Jeff vs. Brian. However, Jeff won’t defend the title unless Christopher’s hair is on the line. In the first one, Jeff gets $2000 and to shave Clyde’s hair if he wins. I think the second match happens no matter what. This is overly complicated.

Lawler talks about the fight with Miller and says Miller was too drunk. Lawler is a legit non-drinker so the line about him drinking milk might have been accurate. We hear about Lawler beating him up at the party and it’s the same stuff we heard earlier.

Mike Samples talks about a mixed tag coming up. Oh and Lawler is full of hot air. He knows how to box so he’ll beat up Lawler on Monday.

Ben Jordan/Man Mountain Miller vs. Bruise Brothers

It’s the Harris Brothers. Powerbomb and we’re done in 20 seconds.

The Harris Brothers keep beating on them until the Moondogs make the save with chairs.

Some guy comes out to yell about Mike Samples. Samples manages the Harris Brothers and I think this guy manages the Moondogs. The two teams meet on Monday for the titles. His name is Richard Lee.

The matchmaker talks about how women and men shouldn’t be fighting and Miss Texas (Jackie Moore) is involved in this feud somehow. Apparently the matchmakes is in the match and threatens to spank Samples’ chick. I’m confused about this story but if Jackie isn’t on my screen it’s good.

The Masters of Terror come out for a tag match but Danny Davis and Bill Dundee run in and jump the Masters for earlier. There are two Masters? That makes more sense….I guess. The brawl goes on for a few minutes.

Post break Dundee says he’ll be in a tag match on Monday. He’s in a tag match here. Apparently he’ll be “an executive” in WCW, which means a manager for William Regal.

We run down the Memphis card again to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I don’t know how well it came off here but this was a mess. Ok so let me make sure I have this straight: Samples is the manager of pretty much every heel on the roster, Lawler is fighting him on Monday after spending the whole show brawling with and talking about some guy named Mike Miller, and Jarrett has to beat Christopher in a non-title match to be able to defend the title against him?

This was somehow even more confusing on TV because they assume everyone knows who these people are so we have no idea what the history here is or what name goes with what face. Really confusing show and the very limited wrestling we got was bad as well. I likely won’t be doing more USWA from this era.

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Wrestlemania #2 – The NFL Vs. WWF Battle Royal – Could It Work Today?

This was a pretty big deal that you don’t hear about that often.We often see football players on wrestling shows, but never to this extent.  Ok not until 1995 but you get the idea.  Is this something you could see working today?  It’s a possibility but I’m not sure I’d want to see it, mainly due to the amount of screwing up they could do to it if it wasn’t done just right.

 

Thoughts?




Wrestlemania Count-Up – #2: The Inbred Cousin Of Wrestlemania

Wrestlemania 2
Date: April 7, 1986
Location: Nassau Coliseum-New York, Rosemont Horizon-Chicago, Illinois, Sports Arena-Los Angeles, California
Attendance: 40,085 combined for all three venues
Commentators: New York – Vince McMahon, Susan St. James. Chicago – Gorilla Monsoon, Gene Okerlund, Cathy Lee Crosby, Ernie Ladd. Los Angeles – Jesse Ventura, Alfred Hayes, Elvira
America The Beautiful: Ray Charles

This show is the classic what the heck were thinking moment from the WWF. They had made Wrestlemania the year before and they hit it so far out of the park that by the time it was Wrestlemania 2 the ball hadn’t come down yet. This was a problem though. Since the inaugural show had been such a success, Vince felt they had to do something to top it. This was his idea: what if we did Wrestlemania from 3 different places??? Think about that for a minute. How weird would that be?

Not to mention, Vince had another idea: let’s put it on a Monday! Again, just awkward sounding. The format used was three locations, each with an undercard and then a featured match, which were a boxing match, a battle royal, and the true main event, Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy in a steel cage.

The idea was odd on paper and worse in reality as it felt like watching three shows instead of one. There’s no rhythm and because it was in three locations, announcers were a rare commodity. Due to this, Vince’s last idea was to put a real commentator together with celebrities to do the commentary. What followed might be the biggest mess in company history.

Paul Orndorff vs. Don Muraco

We begin the show in New York City with Paul Orndorff against Don Muraco. Why are they fighting? I don’t have a freaking clue but they are so here we go. As they begin we hear comments from both and neither have anything to say of meaning.

Orndorff is easily the face here so if he never accomplished anything else in his career, the face turn between Manias one and two was effective. As was predicted, the celebrity commentator is atrocious, with such gems like “I think he’s winning!” Orndorff controls the early part of the match but Muraco breaks it up with some power. They roll outside and we get a double count out as the crowd clearly can be heard chanting bull.

Rating: D+. Fine for what it was, but the fans got it right with their chants. This is the opening match to Wrestlemania? Seriously? That’s the best they could come up with? This feud more or less never went anywhere at all as Orndorff was about to get the biggest push of his career by far, resulting in him making about $20,000 a week for awhile. This was just an odd choice for an opening match but then again this was an odd choice for a show so I guess it fits.

Intercontinental Title: George Steele vs. Randy Savage

Next up the intercontinental title is on the line as Randy Savage defends against George Steele. This is a match that I can’t find a standalone version of so I can’t put this one in here. However, this was another chapter in the over year long feud between these two. Savage had been allegedly mistreating Liz and Steele had developed a crush on her. That led to, what else, Savage being jealous and a 15 month feud began.

Mega stall from Savage to start as he seems afraid of Steele. Savage runs again and finally on the third time Steele goes after him. They finally lock up and Steele beats Savage up for a while with power moves and biting but Steele keeps going to talk to Liz. This was a weird period for Savage as they knew they had a gem with him but they didn’t know what to do with him. Yeah he was the IC champion, but where did they go with him from there?

This was all they had until the next year when he and Steamboat stole the show and Savage was launched into the main event. For some reason Savage has a bouquet of flowers that he and Steele try to beat each other up with. After ripping apart a turnbuckle and eating the stuffing (not making that up) Steele gets slammed and elbowed, but he kicks out?

Yes, George Steele is the first man to kick out of the elbow, and he pops up, beats on Savage some more and then gets rolled up and Savage uses the ropes to pin him. Steele eats more stuffing.

Rating: C-. This was a comedy match I think with wrestling mixed in. Savage is the highlight here as he sells like crazy for Steele and it helps a lot. These two had this freaky chemistry that no one has ever been able to really figure out. They would feud on and off for the next year before FINALLY ending it with the return of Ricky Steamboat for that whole greatest match of all time thing he and Savage would have next year.

Jake Roberts vs. George Wells

We follow up that strange match with another somewhat strange match as Jake Roberts, still a rookie here, takes on some guy named George Wells. This match is little more than a glorified squash. Wells dominates early but doesn’t go for a pin when he has the chance. Jake recovers and DDTs him to win the match. Afterwards he unleashes Damien who causes Wells to look like he’s foaming at the mouth.

Rating: D+. Talk about a weird choice to have on Wrestlemania. Jake was brand new at this point so they needed someone to make him look good and they pick….George Wells? There was a squash on Mania for the first two years and both times they were the least interesting match on the card. I don’t get the selection here for the most part and it’s pretty bad all things considered.

Boxing Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper

We now move onto the main event of the New York portion of the show: a boxing match with Roddy Piper and Mr. T. This was built up on SNME about 2 months before hand with Mr. T. beating Piper’s friend Bob Orton in a boxing match before being beaten down by both of them. That came on from what started over a year ago in the main event of the first Wrestlemania, so this truly was a showdown that had been built up for ages.

Factor in that T had been the World Boxing Champion in Rocky 3 just a few years ago and was on a top rated TV show where he was a tough guy. Both men have famous trainers in their corners to make it look more legit. For no apparent reason Joan Rivers does the ring announcing. This is ten three minute rounds. She introduces Orton as the Ace Comedy Bob Orvin. Nice job of handling the reading thing honey.

They actually got Smoking Joe Frazier to be in T’s corner. One of the biggest stars in Hollywood has in his corner a former world heavyweight champion who had three of the best boxing matches in history with Muhammad Ali. He also has a midget. Well of course he does. They treat this like a real boxing match. Oh dear.

T goes for the ribs which doesn’t work all that well for him. Piper hits him on the break which is illegal of course. There has been no mention of judges or anything like that so I guess this is destined to not go the distance. The referee has broken them up about four times now. I think these are three minute rounds. For the most part these punches aren’t landing at all but they sell them anyway of course.

It’s not so much boxing but rather glorified grappling with the occasional punch thrown. The fans are more or less dead if you didn’t guess that. After the first round nothing has really happened. Piper has a bunch of grease on his face for the second round which is keeping the punches from T from being effective.

This is painfully boring if I didn’t make that clear so far. Piper knocks the heck out of T with some big roundhouses and finally drops him to huge cheers because something HAPPENED for a change. The knockdown gets a count of 8. Piper keeps pounding on him as round two ends. They brawl a bit during the break and Orton throws water at T.

Piper does the Ali Shuffle to start the third round. T gets him into the corner and pounds away with more or less open hand shots to the head and Piper is in trouble. That gets a count of 7. T gets a huge punch that I think hit so of course Piper is knocked to the floor. He gets up at 9 and then holds onto T for the last 25 seconds of the fight.

They just trade big bombs to start the fourth round. And then he punches the referee and slams T for the DQ about a minute into the fourth round. It’s a bit brawl and T of course gets the win. Was there a reason for both that ending and also having Piper dominate a round like that? This was awful.

Rating: F. On WRESTLEmania they had a long boxing match. This was just boring beyond belief and the boxing looked awful. They tried to make this seem legit and it failed on more than all levels. T was never seen again and Piper turned face relatively soon after taking time off for knee surgery. Boring match and awful beyond belief.

Chicago

Women’s Title: Fabulous Moolah vs. Velvet McIntyre

We start with the Women’s Title on the line as Moolah defends against Velvet McIntyre. This match is just weird. Moolah dominates, Velvet comes back and then misses a splash allowing Moolah to pin her. It screams botched finish to me as even the announcers seem surprised.

Rating: N/A. Just was nothing at all and might have gone a minute. Little to rate here so I won’t even try to.

Nikolai Volkoff vs. Corporal Kirschner

Now we have a flag match with Nikolai Volkoff against the forgotten Corporal Kirschner. Yeah I don’t remember him either. The winner gets to have their flag waved. Other than that it’s a standard one on one match. As usual, Nikolai sings the Russian National Anthem before the match starts. Nikolai dominates early on, ramming Kirschner into the post twice and busting him open. I kid you not, Kirschner lands 7 right hands, catches Freddy Blassie’s cane and hits Nikolai with it to win the match.

Rating: D-. This was supposed to be a brawl but it was a bad match. 7 punches and a cane shot? Give me a break. Kirschner is apparently one of the most legit tough guys in the history of the business and got thrown out of most major companies for being too rough. Based on this and his match at the Wrestling Classic I’d assume it’s due to a high level of suck but that’s just me. This was just barely long enough to warrant a rating and it wasn’t any good at all.

Battle Royal

Now we get the most famous match from this show: a 20 man battle royal with ten pro football players and 10 wrestlers. This is going to go GREAT. Since most of you won’t know half the people in this I’m not going to list them all until the end. The big names are a still rookie Bret Hart, Andre the Giant, Big John Studd and Bruno Sammartino. For the most part this is a run of the mill battle royal.

It’s little more than a bunch of punching and kicking against the ropes as we get down to the big names. Oddly enough the celebrity commentator is the only one that gets anything right. Gorilla says stuff like Studd has this guy in the corner when they’re almost in the middle of the ring, or Ernie Ladd who was a wrestler saying no one wants Andre when he’s beating someone up. Amazing.

The only really famous thing in this match is a football player named William the Refrigerator Perry getting eliminated by Studd but then offering a handshake and eliminating him. The Iron Sheik eliminates Hillbilly Jim just as he would in the gimmick battle royal 15 years later at WM 17. The final four are the Hart Foundation, a football player and Andre. Do I need to really give the details on this? Andre beats up the Harts to win the match after launching Bret out in a press slam.

Rating: B. It’s a bunch of football players and 80s wrestlers with a few great workers. Nothing special, but considering what they had to work with this is just fine. The football stuff didn’t lead anywhere which is kind of surprising as they set up a Fridge vs. Studd thing that never happened at all that I know of. This was just ok and at least the right guy won it. Andre would of course be in the biggest match of all time the next year.

Tag Titles: British Bulldogs vs. The Dream Team

Now we have what is likely the best match of the whole show. It’s a classic 80s tag match with the British Bulldogs, and Ozzy Osbourne in their corner for God alone knows why to face the tag team champions of the Dream Team Brutus Beefcake and Greg Valentine. You can tell they’re serious here as this has a sixty minute time limit.

The ring looks small here for some reason. Gorilla asks why Ozzy is there too which means he’s confused like I am. There are two referees here which I doubt will mean anything for the most part. Smith vs. Valentine to get up. The ring is all loud here still.

The Bulldogs were so fast with those tags and this is no exception at all. Valentine won’t tag out for no apparent reason. He counters a backdrop though and here’s Beefcake. Small package by Dynamite get two. Fisherman’s suplex by Davey gets two. I guess he’s not perfect. After Davey gets beaten on for a bit Dynamite comes in and slugs it out with Valentine.

The champions cheat a bit and they still can’t take over. I never got the appeal of the Dream Team but to be fair it might be that Brutus was just awful at this point. Valentine gets a Piledriver on Dynamite but falls forward so it kind of looks like a tombstone but with Dynamite’s stomach facing out. That was kind of cool looking.

Bulldogs clear the ring as things speed up a bit. Davey gets the powerslam for two as it wasn’t a finisher but just a signature move at the time. The champions work over Davey as momentum changes hands a lot here tonight. They work over the arm, including with a shoulderbreaker from Valentine.

However he shows his idiocy by pulling Davey up at two. Nice job you lunkhead. And there’s the idiocy coming through as for no apparent reason Dynamite gets on the middle rope and Davey rams Valentine’s head into Kid’s for the knockout shot and falls on Valentine for the pin and the titles. That ending came from NOWHERE and Dynamite is out cold from the shot which is kind of amusing for some reason. That’s Albano’s 16th title win as a manager. Hokey smoke.

Rating: B-. Fun stuff but the ending was just so freaking random. I don’t get the ending as it was like they looked at the clock and realized they had no time left and were like oh crap we need to finish this. The Bulldogs were a good team and were a huge step up from the Dream Team. They would lose them to the Harts in about 8-9 months so the tag division was starting to roll at this point.

Los Angeles

Ricky Steamboat vs. Hercules Hernandez

We move to the final and by far the worst of the three locations as we’re now in LA, beginning with Ricky Steamboat against Hercules Hernandez. This was supposed to be Bret vs. Ricky in the big showdown match for Mania. I’m not sure what the showdown would be for since for all intents and purposes they had no feud that I know of but a little face on face action never hurt anyone, even though Bret wasn’t a face at the time so scratch that line.

They start off kind of fast but not fast enough for anything to mean much. This was a different era so matches like these were really commonplace. There’s no feud or anything here and Hercules is just a big power guy that had been given a fairly decent push so he’s getting to fight one of the best guys in the company at one of the biggest shows of the year.

There is almost nothing to say here though as I’ve been watching for a few minutes and nothing has happened at all. Well at least nothing worth talking about that is. Hercules goes for the backbreaker as this is before the Full Nelson made him the original Chris Masters. Relatively standard Steamboat match which means it’s at least passable. Herc is the big powerhouse that beats the tar  out of Ricky, makes one mistake and the Dragon makes his comeback. The flying body press ends things as always.

Rating: C-. And that’s almost all for Steamboat. I liked Hercules for some reason but for the life of me I don’t get the point in having him be considered a better prospect than Bret was. This was the epitome of a throwaway match with nothing special at all going on in it and nothing of note to talk about really. I sat there for minutes at a time with nothing of note so I apologize for the most history based match here.

Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer

Now for the odd match of the night, we have Adrian Adonis, playing a controversial gay gimmick at the time, against Uncle Elmer, a fat hillbilly character. The crowd chants a certain homosexual slur at Adonis to start the match which he prances around the ring to.

This match is slow and mostly painful as the smaller man in the match weighs about 350lbs. When he’s your agile guy, you know this isn’t going anywhere. Elmer punches him and literally falls off his feet from it. Quite sad actually. Adonis has his dress, yes dress ripped off and it’s just hideous. Elmer beats on him some more but misses a leg drop. Adonis hits a top rope headbutt and gets the pin.

Rating: N/A. I never got the appeal of either of these characters and thankfully Elmer wasn’t around much longer. Naturally he got a tape mainly about him and his family because that’s the way the 80s went.

Junkyard Dog/Tito Santana vs. The Funks

In the next to last match of the night, we have the Funks against JYD and Tito Santana. This is another filler match that had no point at all other than two faces against a heel team. This is a much slower paced match as they do more old school stuff in there. Terry vs. Tito starts us off so we’re certainly getting things started off on the right foot here.

You have three guys that belong in the Hall of Fame and JYD who is in there because he was popular in the 80s making him a LEGEND. I still don’t like him but he’s more bearable than some people I can’t stand. This is definitely a different style than most are used to. I’d like a bit more explanation as to why they’re fighting but I think It’s 1986 is about as close as we’re going to get. Tito dominates for the most part here, hammering away on both Funks. He was completely awesome at this point if you didn’t get that.

Off to the Dog now and we get some boxing. A Texas man lost a fight to a dog. Don’t bother going back to Amarillo I guess Terry. Someone please explain the appeal to me of the Dog as I just don’t get it at all and never have. Dory plays Ricky Morton which just sounds wrong and gets beaten on in the corner for a bit. The forearm gets two as I guess Tito didn’t have it perfected yet.

Control shifts over to the crazy men and they beat down Tito for awhile as he’s really playing Ricky Morton. That still sounds wrong. After a few minutes of basic offense from the Funks JYD comes back in and everything goes nuts. Terry is thrown to the floor where there are no mats. He might have legitimately hurt his knee or ankle there and I’m not surprised at all. With the referee not looking, Terry clocks the Dog with the Megaphone (Jimmy was managing them which I forgot to mention) and the heels steal one.

Rating: B-. Pretty fun match here with the Funks being all evil and the thrown together face team doing whatever they could to get the win. Granted that didn’t happen but at least they tried. This was a better match than I remember it being and while it’s still mainly formula stuff it worked rather well. I liked it and granted three of the guys being all time greats helps a bit.

WWF World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. King Kong Bundy

This is a cage match and the only one in Mania history if you don’t count the Cell match at Mania 15 which most people don’t. The story behind this is Bundy jumped Hogan at a SNME and hurt his ribs, which hadn’t healed yet. Hogan wrestled against doctor’s orders with tape all over his ribs. Simple but effective but kind of too simple as this was more or less thrown together about a month ago.

This is a very not surprising match with Bundy going for the ribs and Hogan having to fight through the pain. It’s solid because it’s Hogan doing what he does best but the total and complete lack of drama or anyone really caring for the most part is hurting it. Also having Jesse as lead announcer is a very odd choice.

Bundy rips the tape off of Hogan’s ribs like a good heel and Hogan messes up as always by trying to pick Bundy up and of course he can’t do it. There’s nothing special going on here at all but it’s working for the most part. Ah there’s the Hulk Up. Very surprisingly we get a power slam here and not the traditional slam. Maybe his ribs really were hurt. He ties up Bundy and goes over the top to retain and end the show.

Rating: B-. It’s Hogan against a monster heel not named Andre. What are you expecting here? This was his bread and butter and the fans popped for the end (only) so I guess you can call this a success. I’m a sucker for Hogan matches in the 80s so I’d say there’s probably some bias in the rating but who cares? Fairly solid match but nothing unique about it at all other than the cage aspect.

Overall rating: D+. While certainly better in the ring than the first Mania and including some storylines this time, the three venues thing is just a mess. There’s really only two or three very good matches here and I’d call maybe the tag title match Mania worthy. Other than that there’s a lot of filler and it’s more or less 1-2 big matches per location with the rest being all filler.

This show suffers from trying to do something that had never been done before, and while they did indeed do that the overlooked one major point: the new thing they did wasn’t a good idea. It’s really not that good of a show overall. Watch the highlights if you want to, but don’t waste three hours watching it from start to end.

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Rock Or Cena

Which side are you on?I’m still with Cena.  Rock was far funnier tonight when he was on location, which makes me think that he’s lost the ability in front of a live crowd.  He’s gotten used to a script and being on film which is a very different style.  I’m curious to see Cena’s reaction if he loses though.

 

Thoughts?




Monday Night Raw – March 5, 2012 – The Word Of The Night Is Smart

Monday Night Raw
Date: March 5, 2012
Location: TD Garden, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We have four Raws to go before Wrestlemania and tonight’s is star studded to say the least. We have Rock, HHH, Undertaker and Shawn scheduled to be on the show tonight so there’s definitely an old school feel to it. Other than that I’d expect more build to the PPV as almost everything is set in stone by this point. That’s probably a good thing though. Let’s get to it.

Teddy Long is in charge tonight.

Here’s Shawn to open the show. He says he loves hearing the HBK chant now because it allows him to catch his breath because he can’t move around that well anymore. Shawn talks about how things got heated with him and HHH but that’s all over because now the match is on. He asks HHH to come out here. Here’s the Game and they hug. Shawn reminds HHH of all the things that he said last week and even said he called HHH a coward, somehow getting away with it.

Something must have changed HHH’s mind and Shawn has to know what it was. HHH doesn’t look happy. The fans chant for Undertaker. HHH starts to talk but Shawn cuts him off as he wants to see the moment HHH agreed to the match with his buddy. We see the clip and of HHH agreeing after Taker said Shawn is better. HHH starts to talk again but Shawn cuts him off. It was saying Shawn was better that set HHH off.

HHH says he left Shawn a voicemail about this but if we need to do this in front of the world so be it. HHH says this isn’t about which of them is better. He’s tired of hearing people talk about how Shawn couldn’t get the job done. He’s tired of people calling Shawn a failure who was never as good as he thought he was. HHH is his best friend and the guy that believes that Shawn is the best ever. HHH is going to end the Streak to shut those people up about Shawn. How would that shut them up exactly? Shawn is a little offended by this and says HHH will lose again. Oh, AND HE’S GUEST REFEREE.

US Title: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Ace and Otunga come out almost immediately. Santino loads up the Cobra but Ace distracts, allowing Ziggler to interfere and Swagger hits the gutwrench powerbomb…for two? Cue Teddy with Kofi and we go to a break. The portion we saw lasted about a minute and I’m assuming it was thrown out. Amazingly enough it’s not a tag match yet! Teddy and Ace get in a fight almost immediately as Ziggler interferes AGAIN. Kofi smacks him so Ziggler gets a Cobra. Vickie avoids one so Aksana gets in a fight with her. Santino counters the Cobra into the ankle lock as Teddy knocks Ace down. Santino counters the ankle lock into a rollup AND WINS THE TITLE AT 6:30!!!!! I’m legit shocked.

Rating: D+. The match was an overbooked mess but it was awesome. I’m not a Santino fan at all but it’s not like the title means anything on Swagger. The title died the minute Ryder lost it so putting it on Santino is just fine. I’m glad they didn’t turn this into a tag match as it gave me a legit surprise.

Ace freaks out but Teddy says this is his show and throws Ace out. Santino, Kofi, Aksana and Teddy all do the Trombone.

Rock is in Boston and he’s got a history lesson for Cena. This is filmed on location earlier in the day. He talks about how the British were in people of Boston’s faces every day. Then in 1773, the Boston people threw the tea in the ocean and called it the Boston Tea Party. So tonight, Rock is going to throw some of Cena’s stuff in the ocean. He has a bunch of merchandise. “John Cena midget shorts. Who would buy these things? They’re an insult to midgets. The John Cena garden gnome. There’s a man somewhere with one of these in his garden. And he’s a virgin.” Rock is coming to start the Rock Revolution tonight.

Eve Torres vs. Alicia Fox

Kelly is on commentary and talking about being nominated for a Kids’ Choice Award. Rollup, 34 seconds.

Post match cue RYDER to a big pop. He can at least walk now. Broskis before Hoeskis.

Post break Eve tries to apologize to Ryder and kisses him. She walks off smiling and Ryder seems to fall for it.

We cut to earlier today with Cena alone in the arena. I’ve always liked shots like that. He talks about Wrestlemania and how it’ll be full of moments. With everything that’ll be happening, all eyes will be on two men and one match. He talks about how Boston is now being the city of champions after being the city of broken hearts for so long. Cena talks about them losing the Super Bowl to the Giants but no one remembers second place. If he loses, he’s just another name in Rock’s book. But if he wins, it’s the biggest match ever and no one remembers second place.

CM Punk/Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan

Smackdown has made me loathe these main event style tags. You know, Bryan has looked like a complete afterthought in his feud. The two of them haven’t interacted at all that I remember. They’ve probably been in the ring together a few times but it’s been nothing significant. Jericho and Punk start and Chris is knocked to the corner very quickly. Off to Bryan and Sheamus with Sheamus beating on him like he stole something. Clothesline gets two.

Back to the starters with Jericho getting in a shot to the ribs which are still hurt from last week. We take a break and come back with Punk coming up out of a hold, only to get side slammed. They’re really pushing the social media tonight, reading tweets from “fans”. Off to Sheamus who hits the Irish Curse for two on Jericho. Jericho gets his springboard dropkick to take over and Sheamus is down.

Jericho hooks a chinlock but misses a running knee in the corner. Double tag to Punk and Bryan and Punk springboards in, hurting his back in the process. He comes back with one arm though and manages to slam Bryan and hit the elbow. Everything breaks down and Sheamus loads up the Celtic Cross on Bryan but Jericho saves. I can’t keep up with all this. Jericho goes for the Walls on Punk but Punk counters to a small package but Jericho counters into one of his own for the pin at 10:57.

Rating: C. See, this one helps as it actually gives us a new wrinkle in this story. Jericho has a pin over Punk now so the title is in some more jeopardy. That’s a big perk as until then, it was Jericho trying to make Punk tap which just wasn’t going to happen. Not a bad match either with Punk’s top notch selling helping a lot.

Off to Paul Revere’s statue. Rock wants to know what would happen if Cena was riding instead of Revere. We’d all be having tea and blessing the Queen. Rock would have to invent a time machine and go back to 1776 to beat up Cena. With the Flux Capacitor smoking, the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan and 50% Clydesdale, Ben Franklin would say forget you kite, THIS MAN invented electricity. We get Rock’s version of Yankee Doodle involving a feather going into John Cena and calling it a jabroni. Hilarious stuff.

Big Show vs. The Miz

Miz immediately hits the floor and Cody is on the ramp. He says there’s nothing worse than embarrassment. There’s no clip this week, because at Mania 18, Show was at the WWE restaurant in New York instead of having a match. Miz jumps Show but is speared down and the WMD gets the pin at 2:00, about 1:40 of which was Cody talking/the clip.

Time for the third Rock history lesson. He’s in front of the Massachusetts State House and talks about how the revolution lead to the birth of a new nation. The people have been waiting for ten years for Rock to overthrow John Cena and tonight, Rock is in the Garden.

Undertaker will confront Shawn next week.

Kane vs. R-Truth

Truth talks about Little Jimmy a bit before the match. Truth attacks him in the corner to start and gets beaten down quickly. He gets in a few punches but the axe kick misses. Chokeslam gets the pin at 1:23.

As soon as Kane does the corner fire, here’s Orton. Truth grabs Kane’s foot so Orton can hit the RKO. He wants a mic and says it’s good to be back.

Here’s Cena for the big closing number. He says the place is pumped and he knows why. The Rock is back. He means the real Rock, the one he needs to face at Wrestlemania. Rock has been giving history lessons all day and it’s exciting. But if you get through all of the theatrics, what is Rock really saying? He’s obsessed with breakfast cereal, he’s obsessed with how Cena looks, and talks about how many women he’s slept with. Am I fighting Rock or Situation from Jersey Shore?

Last week Rock was shaken by what Cena said and that’s never happened before. Cena says look at me. He looks ridiculous. He’s wearing kneepads to talk to you people tonight, but this is what shook the Rock. But tonight Rock has his swagger back. He wants to see The Rock in this ring right now. Not Dwayne, but The Rock. Cue Rock and Cena is even more fired up.

Rock says he’s never been shaken and unconfident. When you strip everything away, at the Rock’s core, Rock is 6’4, 260lbs of man that is going to rip Cena’s throat out. At Cena’s core, he’ll always be a little boy. And that’s it? Rock leaves with that and Cena says that doesn’t intimidate him one bit.

In a brilliant bit, Cena reads Rock’s height and weight off his arm. Rock can rip his throat out and he’s going to have to do just that to beat him. Cena says he’ll make history at Wrestlemania when he wins and that’s it. Cena dives into the fans to end the show. I’m assuming that’s his family or something. He hugs his dad and apparently the rest of his family. Cena’s wife is shown on camera and is really pretty.

Overall Rating: A. I love and hate Wrestlemania time. It gives us great episodes like this one but it also reminds you of how bad the rest of the year can be. The key word for tonight would be smart. Everything had a point and made sense, which is arguably the most important thing a wrestling show can do. I’m fired up for Wrestlemania and that’s hitting at the right time. Great show tonight and I want to see more.

Results
Santino Marella b. Jack Swagger – Rollup
Eve Torres b. Alicia Fox – Rollup
Chris Jericho/Daniel Bryan b. CM Punk/Sheamus – Small package to Punk
Big Show b. The Miz – WMD
Kane b. R-Truth – Chokeslam

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