Title reigns have been longer lately, so maybe there are better options here.I’m going to take Miz as WWE Champion.  In short, he beat John Cena in the main event of Wrestlemania.

That

Does

Not

Happen.

Literally, that’s the first time he’s ever lost in the main event of Mania.  He lost in a triple threat at Mania 24 but Miz beat Cena in a one on one match at Mania.  That’s the only time it’s ever happened and it’s hard to top that.  Also, it was the longest reign with that title in like 3 years.  Not bad at all.

Your thoughts/picks?

I had to get to these eventually I guess. This is widely considered one of the worst series of shows ever and the stage was set for that with the first one. The only good things about the first two are Torrie looking hot on the posters. I don’t think they ever had any idea what they were doing with these shows and the name certainly doesn’t live up to the WCW incarnation. Let’s just plow through these and get them over with.

Great American Bash 2004
Date: June 27, 2004
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 6,500
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

I had to get to do this one eventually. This won worst show of the year according to Meltzer and I can’t disagree with him at all. It’s a double main event with JBL in the world title match and the Undertaker vs. the Dudleys. If the Dudleys win, Paul Bearer is buried in concrete. I’m going to pause to let the idiocy of that sink in for a minute. Let’s get to it.

The opening video has a patriotic theme to it, showing JBL being all awesome. He claims to be a real American while Eddie is a disgrace. Angle also hates Cena so he’s sending him into a fatal fourway. And there’s the stupid Taker vs. Dudleys thing.

Torrie welcomes us to the show. This is Smackdown only.

US Title: John Cena vs. Rene Dupree vs. Booker T vs. Rob Van Dam

This is elimination rules and Cena is champion coming in. Cena fires up the crowd a bit and that’s a LOUD chant for him. He makes gay jokes about Angle in his pre-match rap. Also RVD likes marijuana, Booker used to be GI Bro and Rene Dupree wants to be Cena. This is also a Navy town so Rene is gay right? Booker and RVD go at it as do John and Rene to start us off. This is under tornado rules.

Rob and Booker fight to the floor. I think Rene is the only heel here but I’m not sure on Booker. Off to Rene vs. RVD. Booker is chilling on the floor to avoid getting beaten up which is really smart strategy. Yeah Booker is officially a heel in this. He turned on RVD a few weeks back. See? Cole can be useful at times. Rene hooks a chinlock on RVD to waste some time. Rob fights back and hits a split legged moonsault for two.

Rolling Thunder gets the same. Cena does something for the first time in about four minutes, picking up Rene on the floor, only to get flipped onto by RVD. Cena vs. Rob in the ring now and they exchange near falls. RVD slides to the floor and tells Booker to get in. They get in an argument so RVD throws Booker in for a beating. Cena slides to the floor and throws Rene in to replace him. Cena and RVD are just kind of chilling on the floor.

Dupree hits a powerslam and does the French Tickler (don’t ask) but walks into a Booker spinebuster. Five Star hits Rene but there’s no cover. Cena goes up and gets kicked off by RVD. Five Star hits Booker this time but Cena rolls in and cradles Van Dam for the first elimination. Booker and Dupree team up on Cena with Booker hitting the side kick for two. Rene got the cover and Booker isn’t thrilled with that.

Cena takes advantage of their argument to beat them both up. The fans aren’t exactly thrilled by this match either. Throwback to Booker and Cena pumps it up. FU (noticeably different than the modern version) puts down Dupree. Booker hits an axe kick on Cena and eliminates Rene. So it’s down to one on one now. Side slam gets two and what appeared to be a fast count. Off to a chinlock to kill some time.

The announcers talk about a mini feud Cena has had with Taker. Today, that’s a Wrestlemania dream match. Here, it’s a two week filler feud. Booker chops away in the corner and gets the Jack Brisco spinning sunset flip out of the corner for two. Axe kick misses though and the FU keeps the title on Cena.

Rating: C-. Not bad here, but the problem was in the match structure. With it being elimination rules, it actually made things easier on Cena. Like you saw with Booker and Dupree, you can pretty much just chill on the floor for two eliminations and then get it down to a one on one match. Then again, Cena pinned RVD first anyway so he would have won either way, which again begs the question of why it wasn’t just one fall. That would be because they needed to fill an extra seven minutes.

Cena walks through the back and hits on Jackie Gayda. He leaves and Angle rolls up to yell at Charlie Haas, who is with Jackie. Charlie defends himself and gets thrown into a match with Luther Reigns tonight.

Sable is in a hot tub and says the Divas will be hosting the show tonight. She’ll be interviewing herself. Sable faces Torrie tonight and says she’s hotter than Torrie. Ok then.

Charlie Haas vs. Luther Reigns

Good thing Charlie just happened to be in gear and right by the entrance isn’t it? Power vs. speed here to start but Charlie is in over his head here. Reigns hammers away and is very slow. I mean REALLY slow. A kick puts Haas down as we hear about how Angle can never wrestle again. Angle says he’s loving this. Luther works on the back for a bit but Charlie “hits” (you can see the space between the feet and Luther) a pair of dropkicks. He gets sent to the floor and it’s time for a chinlock.

Luther can’t even do a chinlock right, as the hands are about four inches from Haas’ face. Press slam gets two. The fans are really not all that interested. Luther uses all of his skill to gauge their reaction and puts on a half crab. Angle says they’re running out of time and Charlie hits a suplex for probably his only big offense of the match. German suplex gets two. Charlie’s shoulder goes into the post and a Roll of the Dice (Cross Rhodes) ends this.

Rating: F. Even Jackie’s hotness couldn’t save this. The fans DID NOT care at all here, mainly because the match was thrown together in the back about 2 minutes before it started. Reigns was really bad in the ring and Haas was a total jobber here despite having talent. I have no idea what the point here was, but I think it might be exhibit A as to why not to have brand exclusive PPVs.

JBL says he’ll win the title tonight. It’s a Texas Bullrope match tonight, which means the four corners kind. Oh joy. He says tonight is his vindication and he’s awesome.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio

Match #89 of about 384. Rey is champion and Chavo won a battle royal on Thursday to set this up. They speed things up to start and Rey grabs a pair of rollups for two. Chavo works on the arm so Rey spins around a lot and kicks Chavo’s arm to escape. As they just did a few seconds ago, they fly around a lot and work on the arm. Chavo dropkicks Rey as he’s on the apron to send him to the floor and possibly injure his knee.

The knee goes around the post and Rey is in trouble. Back in the ring Chavo hooks a one legged Liontamer. Rey kicks out of it and hits the bulldog (DDT according to Cole) to break it up. Chavo works the knee even more, kicking it so hard that Rey spins around in a circle. Off to a hold formerly called the Brock Lock to further damage the leg. Chavo charges into a boot and Rey gets in some offense. It’s so nice to see an actual story being told in a match after the previous horrible display.

Rey gets tied in the Tree of Woe but Chavo misses his charge, going arm first into the post. Rey fires off a seated senton to the floor and both guys are down. They fight to the apron and Chavo teases a superplex back to the floor. They both stand on the top and wind up hitting kind of a double facejam to the mat. Rey counters a slingshot into a dropkick and the knee is rapidly getting better. Russian Legsweep gets two.

Seated senton gets two so Rey pounds away on him. He charges into a Gory Bomb for two though as Chavo takes over again. Chavo works on the knee even more but an enziguri sets up the 619. Rey’s knee can barely work so he can’t hit the West Coast Pop. Off to the one legged Liontamer again and then a half crab. Rey slaps the mat as he’s crawling but that isn’t a tap in this case. He finally makes a rope and the crowd is WAY into this now. Chavo loads up another Gory Bomb but Rey rolls through into a sunset flip for the surprise pin to retain.

Rating: B. Good match here and a NICE breath of air on this show. It’s not really surprising to see these two have a good match though so it’s hardly a classic, but it’s always cool to see Rey vs. a Guerrero for twenty minutes. The psychology was here too and it made for a good match. It’s a shame Rey was nowhere near his best at this point though.

Torrie is in the hot tub with various Cruiserweights who say they would have won had they been in there. Torrie stands up in her flag bikini and leaves. Funaki: “God bless America.”

Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn

Suzuki is a Japanese guy who wants revenge for Japan because of what America did to it in World War II. I kid you not. This is a rematch from Smackdown where Hiroko, Kenzo’s chick, threw salt in Billy’s eyes to save Kenzo. Somehow, Gunn’s music (his most famous one) is catchy. Kenzo’s tights are brown/orange. He’s one of those guys that is a martial arts expert, which means he hits a chop and then poses.

Neckbreaker gets two for Gunn. This is a very dull match in case you can’t tell. The Claw STO puts Billy down but he drops a knee instead of covering. Off to a nerve hold, which would be a little more effective if he would, like, squeeze his hand or something. After what seems like an eternity, Billy gets a rollup for two. Suplex gets two for Suzuki.

Off to ANOTHER chinlock kind of move and the fans are loudly booing now. They slug it out and Billy hits a Stinger Splash to set up the Fameasser but Kenzo stands up. Shining Wizard gets two but he walks into a tilt-a-whirl slam for two. A low blow slows Billy down and Kenzo gets a pin after that knee to the back out of a reverse DDT position that Christian does. It didn’t even look good. HORRIBLE finish.

Rating: F. Remember when I said the other match was exhibit A? This might have just trumped it. I mean this was TERRIBLE. Who in the world thought these two deserved eight minutes on a PPV? Kenzo was awful and everyone knew it, so they put him with Rene Dupree and gave them the tag titles. Don’t you get the logical progression of events there? Terrible match and Gunn would be gone soon.

Heyman is with the tied up Paul Bearer and tells him that he will in fact bury him in concrete tonight. Yes, this is really one of the main event angles for this show. Heyman almost seems turned on by this.

I forgot to mention: there’s a huge cement truck next to the entrance of the arena, just to further the idiocy of the event.

Sable vs. Torrie Wilson

So they’re fighting over who should be the spokesperson for this PPV. Torrie said she should be, so Sable said she looked fat. You know it’s on after that. To the shock of no one, neither of them can do anything other than look good in shorts. Sable kicks a lot and they mess up a sunset flip. The fans are already booing. All Sable so far here. Time for a chinlock by Sable as this is dying quickly. The fans are mostly silent at this point.

Torrie hits one of the worst suplexes I’ve ever seen. Cole says there are Torrie chants but I don’t hear them. Then again Cole thinks some odd things at times. They collide and both girls are down, drawing even more booing. Sable plays possum and rolls Torrie up for the pin. They couldn’t even do THAT right, as Sable rolled over her and Torrie’s right side was completely off the mat.

Rating: F. If I need to explain this one, you’re not paying enough attention.

Taker is in the back and he starts walking to the ring. His match isn’t next but I guess he needs to get a running start.

Dawn Marie is also looking hot in a flag bikini and talks to Rene Dupree who says he got cheated. He’s going to protest Cena’s title reign. He hits on Dawn and offers to show her his French Tickler. He starts dancing and the FBI shows up. Shoe jokes are made. Hint to WWE production guys: just show us Dawn.

Mordecai vs. Bob Holly

Mordecai is a religious character who wound up in PPV matches with Scotty 2 Hotty and Bob Holly. This would be his last appearance despite implying he was going to come after Eddie next. You might remember him as Kevin Thorn in ECW. Cole just flat out says this isn’t going to be pretty. Holly ties him in the ropes and pounds away to start. This crowd is SILENT. For once, I can’t blame them. This is Hardcore Holly in a singles match after watching a horrible Divas match and Billy Gunn in a match.

Off to a chinlock as this match dies even further. Taz makes fun of the way Mordecai talks and basically makes the whole character sound like an idiot. I mean more than the character itself already did. Holly fights back with a hot shot but they collide, I think by accident, when Mordecai bounces off the ropes. Holly hits a bunch of clotheslines, including one off the top for two. A kind of sloppy looking reverse DDT gets two as well. Mordecai grabs a sitout spinebuster for two. Alabama Slam is countered into the Razor’s Edge for the pin.

Rating: D-. Why in the world was this on PPV? I don’t think anyone else really knew the answer to that either. Either way it’s not like it mattered as after this Mordecai was sent back down to OVW, which to be fair he probably belonged there anyway. The gimmick didn’t help him, but he just wasn’t ready for the main shows yet.

We recap Eddie vs. JBL. They had a WAR at Judgment Day with both guys just gushing blood. Tonight it’s a bullrope match, because we need to have the match be as boring as possible. It’s the kind where you have to touch all four corners. JBL says Eddie got disqualified intentionally at Judgment Day, so here Eddie can’t run or hide.

Smackdown World title: Eddie Guerrero vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Yes, the concrete match is going last. This is no DQ, unless you intentionally unhook yourself. There’s a bell on the rope of course, because we’re wrestlers so we all want to be cowboys! Eddie goes for the leg and chokes him out a bit with the rope. That bell is getting really annoying really fast. They have these stupid lights on the corners because just counting the number of corners for each guy is too much for Nick Patrick.

Both guys get two corners but they get their momentum broken up. The rope goes around Eddie’s neck and there’s a bell shot to put him down. Bradshaw puts him in the Tree of Woe and chokes him upside down as Eddie is in trouble. Here comes the Spanish Announce Table but Eddie blocks a powerbomb through it. Cowbell to the head puts JBL down and it’s Eddie in control.

JBL sends him over the table again but Eddie CRACKS Bradshaw over the head with a chair. Oh yeah he’s busted too. That’s enough for Eddie to get three corners but JBL breaks it up enough for the fourth to not count. Patrick says the momentum is broken, meaning the streak is broken. Eddie gets three corners again and again JBL grabs the rope. After a JBL DDT, Eddie crotches him with the rope and gets three buckles but the streak is broken.

Three Amigos hit and Eddie adds a frog splash for good measure. In a REALLY smart move, JBL rolls to the floor to stop the fourth corner from being touched. Smart because Eddie can’t drag him from the floor like he could in the ring. They go to the top and JBL hits him with the bell. He wraps the rope around Eddie’s neck and throws him onto the announce table which doesn’t break. Cole says it’s like rock or concrete. These jokes write themselves at times.

A powerbomb puts Eddie through the table and both guys are down again. Somehow that only gets three corners back in the ring. JBL gets three corners again but takes a cowbell low to stop things again. Since this is a four corners bullrope match, we get the only ending that ever happens in these things: they both get three and the good guy dives to touch the fourth one just in time.

Rating: B. Pretty solid brawl here but at the same time these matches get really repetitive after awhile. It becomes wrestler A gets a few corners, then wrestler B gets a few corners, then we reset things. The brawling in between that was pretty solid stuff though so I can’t really complain here. At the end of the day though, this gave us JBL as world champion. Here’s why.

Angle comes out and shows us the replay, which shows that when Eddie dove at JBL, it knocked JBL into the buckle first, which means he’s champion. This would go on until Wrestle-freaking-Mania.

We recap the main event. Heyman started managing the Dudley Boys and convinced them to kidnap Paul Bearer and steal the urn. The idea is that Taker is lost without Bearer, because those years and world titles without him never counted. Taker followed Heyman for awhile because Heyman had the urn.

Dudley Boys vs. Undertaker

They’re really vague about the stipulations here. All they say is that Taker has to “do the right thing” or Bearer gets buried. There’s a cement truck with a trough going into a case made of glass. Heyman is at the switch and if Taker does something wrong, Bearer gets buried alive in cement. This was a main event in 2004 on a $35 PPV. Let that sink in for a minute. Oh and the Dudleys are Smackdown tag champions.

Now we get the really stupid part of this. Heyman gives us a “preview” by putting in some cement then turning it off. If it can be stopped, WHY DOES TAKER NOT GO LAY HEYMAN OUT AND TURN THE THING OFF??? Bubba yells that the right thing is for Taker to lay down. In case you’re missing the point, the idea here is that if Taker doesn’t lay down, Paul Bearer will be killed.

Taker lays down but grabs them by the throat. Heyman says that’s not the right thing and the Dudleys take over. They fight to the floor and Taker is in control. He loads up Old School and Heyman says Bad Dog and loads in a lot more cement. The Dudleys take over and this is so dumb. Taker beats them down and goes after Heyman but the Dudleys make the save. Bearer keeps saying that Taker will….the cement is lower than before. Did I mention that this wasn’t live and a lot of the concrete stuff was taped earlier? The ending of the match leaked online earlier in the day.

Bubba stops the cement, saying they can take him out on their own. The fans are loudly booing now. They beat on Taker using very basic stuff like suplexes and elbows. Out to the floor and Bubba basically lays the piece of the announce table on Taker for two. And then it’s a sleeper. Are you kidding me? Thankfully they are as Taker suplexes out of it. He beats up D-Von and it becomes a big brawl. This place is SILENT too. Old School hits but D-Von hits Taker low. Taker sits up and Heyman holds up the urn. And then a tombstone ends D-Von.

Rating: F. Ok come on now. Where’s my real main event? Where’s the match that I really paid this much money to see? I mean it couldn’t be this, because this was a boring 15 minute match with Heyman constantly teasing that he’ll murder Bearer. I mean…ok I’ll drop it now. The match SUCKED and the concept is further fetched than wrestling should be allowed to go.

Heyman goes to pull the lever again but Taker sends a bolt of lightning to stop him. Then he pulls the level himself to kill off Paul Bearer for about five years. The idea was without his conscience he could be more violent or whatever.

Overall Rating: R. As in returned like a bad steak at a restaurant.  Oh just no. I mean NO. This isn’t acceptable. Let’s see: attempted murder, actual murder, Bob Holly, Billy Gunn, Charlie Haas, and JBL, who at the time was a midcard guy for about ten years, is the new WWE Champion. This was AWFUL and while there are some ok matches, some of the things here simply are not acceptable whatsoever. Horrible show, and somehow it might get worse next year.

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Has the IWC officially disbanded yet?

Tables Ladders and Chairs 2011
Date: December 18, 2011
Location: 1st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is the final PPV of the year for 2011 and I’m really not all that thrilled by it. The main event isn’t really clear, as there are a few matches that could go on last. It could be either of the world title matches or the ladder match with HHH vs. Nash. Surprisingly enough, there’s no Cena match on here to speak of. Also, hopefully, Ryder finally gets his US Title tonight. Let’s get to it.

Basic video, talking about choosing your weapon.

Vickie introduces Dolph.

US Title: Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler

Battle of the Z’s here. Ziggler has on blue trunks and they’re really not working for him. Ryder controls early on and is pretty fired up here. The champ gets control quickly though, hitting a DDT onto the apron. Ziggler drops a bunch (as in like ten) elbows on Ryder but they only get two. Off to a chinlock and the fans chant “Let’s go Ryder, Woo Woo Woo”. Ziggler uses Ryder’s body to brace himself for situps.

And now let’s start talking about Twitter. Ryder fights back but gets caught in an Angle Slam for two. Ryder comes back and hits a missile dropkick from the middle rope for two. Here’s his comeback and the Broski Boot hits. Vickie puts Ziggler’s foot on the ropes and gets ejected for it. They trade rollups and Ziggler tries two Fameassers, one of which hits. Dropkick gets two for Dolph. He goes up and gets crotched, allowing Ryder to bust out a top rope rana for two. I love how his arms fly up in the air on every cover.

Rough Ryder is countered into a hot shot into the post for two. The fans are still cheering for Ryder as they were earlier. Out of nowhere, Ryder hits the Rough Ryder and WINS THE TITLE at 10:25. The camera immediately cuts to Ryder’s dad in the crowd which is a really nice touch. They treated this like a really big moment, which it was.

Rating: B-. Why it didn’t happen in MSG is beyond me but whatever. This is the definition of a guy working as hard as he could have, the fans responding to it, and the company PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT THE PEOPLE WANTED. I can’t emphasize that enough: the WWE listened to what the fans were telling them and pushed him accordingly. Pretty decent match too.

Booker is getting ready in the back when Cody jumps him and beats him down. Booker says he’s ok and looks all ticked off.

Tag Titles: Air Boom vs. Epico/Primo

Epico vs. Bourne gets us started. They trade near falls for a little while and it’s off to Kofi. All champions so far. More near falls for the champions and the heels finally start double teaming Bourne. Rosa keeps shouting in Spanish because that’s what evil Hispanics do. Epico busts out some rolling belly to backs for two. How has this match been going five minutes already?

You would think a match with Kofi Kingston as the biggest guy would go a little faster. Gory Stretch by Epico is countered into a sunset flip for two. Hot tag finally brings in Kofi who hits every Puerto Rican in blue in sight. Boom Drop to Primo sets up Trouble in Paradise but he settles for a springboard crossbody instead. Everything breaks down and Bourne dives to the floor to take out Epico. Trouble in Paradise hits in the ring and they keep the titles at 7:32.

Rating: C-. This was fine and I can’t really complain about bonus wrestling. They had to flesh out the card somehow and I figured this might be the pick. Also it’s good to get the titles on PPV again, even in a match like this. Air Boom will probably drop them soon, but I hope it’s to someone better than the Colons Paso Dos.

Josh has no update on Booker but Cody was very happy a few seconds ago, so the match may be off. That’s not official though.

Teddy Long is in the back as Santa and Horny is his depressed elf. He finally points out that he’s an adult and asks why there’s a black Santa. Teddy: “In my neighborhood, no fat jolly white man would ever come down my chimney.” Teddy gives Horny a gift: Rosetta Stone Ebonics. Horny kicks Santa in the shin.

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

This is a tables match. Orton takes over quickly and goes for a table, but Barrett kicks it into his face with a thud. Orton is like “I have 4 nicknames” and goes after Barrett as Lawler makes Roman nose jokes. A table is set up outside and they fight up the aisle where there are like 8 tables set up. Barrett sets for the pumphandle through one of them but Orton escapes. Barrett THINKS and knocks the table near him away.

Back at ringside and Orton goes into the post and then takes a boot. Barrett is busted a bit. Wade takes forever messing with tables, setting one up on the floor and sliding one into the ring. Orton moves off the table to avoid a dive so Barrett pounds on him some more. In the ring a middle rope elbow hits Orton and Barrett takes him to the apron. He hits a big boot to try to knock Randy through the table on the floor but Orton hooks the rope.

Barrett sets one up in the corner but Orton starts his comeback. Powerslam puts Wade down and there’s a counter to the elevated DDT. Barrett tries a running big boot but gets caught in the ropes. He tries Wasteland on the apron but Orton elbows out of it. Now the elevated DDT hits in the ring. Barrett reverses a throw into the corner table and hits the Bossman Slam to take over. He beats on Orton a bit more and puts him on the table. Wade goes to the second turnbuckle on the inside but jumps into an RKO through the table to end this at 10:16.

Rating: C. These matches are hard to grade because they’re regular matches without covers until the end. I think everyone probably knew this was going to be Orton winning, but the good thing is that it keeps Barrett hot because he doesn’t get pinned. Also he can still get a win next month or on Smackdown so this is probably far from done. Not great, but nothing too bad.

The Bellas sit on Teddy’s lap and debate who the good or bad sister is. Teddy gives them his number for a gift. Swagger comes in after they leave and wants to know what Teddy is going to do after Henry hit him with a chair on Friday. Teddy isn’t going to do anything about it and asks Jack to sit on his lap. Sheamus comes in and I think I know where this is going. The Great White (seriously, what is up with that name?) has some Irish humor for Swagger and yep, Teddy makes the match.

Divas Title: Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix

I have no idea if this match was announced or not. This is about the Slammys or something like that. Kelly takes over to start and I kind of wonder why she isn’t Alicia, as in the girl that’s been pushed lately. There’s the screaming headscissors but she gets caught in a gorilla press. Beth works on the back and tries a bunch of covers for two. She goes up and misses a guillotine legdrop. K2 is countered and they botch the backflip. Glam Slam into the rollup is countered so Beth wins with something like an electric chair at 5:14.

Rating: D. I don’t get why this division exists. The girls aren’t that good, not many people care about them, and the only thing about Kelly that matters is she looks good in tiny gold shorts. Ok she looks good in any color shorts. The matches sucked as usual and I don’t think anyone is surprised at that. Just go back to the swimsuit contests already.

Del Rio yells at Ricardo for not having the car or the food ready. Miz comes up and says the alliance is over after this show. Del Rio says it wasn’t really an alliance in the first place. They argue over legacies and Del Rio calls him a stupid little boy. Ricardo comes up with something for Del Rio to eat and it winds up in his face.

Ad for the Rumble, which features Santino as a psychic.

Booker comes out for the IC Title match and Cody jumps him again. His head hit the barricade as Cody jumped him. Booker is ticked.

We recap HHH vs. Nash. This is about Nash getting a pop at the Rumble (11 months ago) but HHH wouldn’t bring him back in. Nash did it himself and then beat up HHH.

HHH vs. Kevin Nash

This is the sledgehammer ladder match. They pound on each other to start with the power moves and head to the floor. HHH gets a ladder but gets kicked into it. Nash sets one up on the floor but HHH dives off the announce table with a clothesline to take over. Nash into the crowd now but he gets an elbow up to a charging Game. Snake Eyes onto the barricade puts HHH down and there’s a one man Vinnie Vegas chant.

They head into the ring and HHH takes over, using the ladder onto the knees. Now some of the weakest ladder shots ever onto said knee. HHH wraps the ladder around Nash’s legs and hooks a Figure Four in it. It’s better than the one around the post at least. Nash manages to whip HHH into the ladder and out to the floor in a solid bump. Side slam onto the ladder and HHH is in trouble.

Nash puts the ladder onto the bottom rope and does the slingshot into it instead of the rope. And then the crowd goes silent for a bit. Out to the floor and Nash sets for the Jackknife through the table, but HHH backdrops him onto said table instead. HHH makes the first climb up the ladder, 13 minutes into the match. He just gets a hand on it as Nash makes the save. Remember that you have to get a pin after getting it down.

There’s a chokeslam of all things and Nash goes to the floor again. He sets up a table in the ring and there goes the strap. HHH kind of spears him into the ladder and knocks him to the floor. The Game goes up but Nash is back and they slug it out on the ladder. HHH knocks the hammer into Nash’s head and Nash actually goes off the ladder through the table. I didn’t think he had it in him.

HHH gets the hammer down and Nash is on his feet a minute after falling that far. HHH destroys Nash with the hammer but Nash is back to his knees in a minute. The first Pedigree attempt doesn’t work and the second doesn’t actually involve Nash’s face touching the mat. We’re still not done yet though as Nash is on his knees again less than a mintue later. HHH gets the hammer and Nash flashes the Kliq sign. A hammer shot ends this at 18:12.

Rating: D+. It wasn’t that bad, but at the end of the day is Kevin Nash vs. HHH getting 18 minutes and we’re less than two weeks from the year 2012. Also the completely absurd lack of selling at the end of this really hurt things. Nash is painfully slow but I think everyone knew that was coming. Not as bad as it was expected to be, but I still don’t see why this needed to happen.

Nash goes out on a stretcher.

Punk says the beating on Monday was painful but it wasn’t as painful as Ace taking his Slammy. Ace pops up and says he mailed the Slammy to him. They trade some verbal jabs and that’s about it.

Jack Swagger vs. Sheamus

Sheamus hammers him down to start as we hear about his career as an IT guy. All Sheamus so far. Vickie yells at him so Jack can ram him into the post and then the barricade. Vader Bomb gets two in the ring. Sheamus fires back but can’t get much going. Swagger goes after the leg a bit and hooks the ankle lock. When that doesn’t work, the Brogue Kick ends this at 5:55.

Rating: D+. It’s just a first hour TV main event but it’s bonus PPV wrestling so it’s hard to complain here. They needed something to flesh out this card and it’s good to put Sheamus out there and get him some camera time. He’s probably next in line for Henry so you can’t really complain here. Pretty dull match but nothing unwatchable.

Show says he’ll win.

Smackdown World Title: Big Show vs. Mark Henry

It’s a chairs match, meaning they’re legal. Show’s singlet is now camo. Show immediately goes to the floor and throws in like ten chairs. Him just casually tossing them about ten feet in the air is scary impressive. They both have chairs now but Henry drops his and gets out. He grabs the title and says this isn’t happening. Show goes after him and ducks a title shot so he can wear Henry out with chair shots.

They start slugging it out and Henry cracks him with a chair. Henry goes after the hand so that Show can’t use his two finishers. Show tries to come back but his hand is worthless. Henry makes a pile of chairs but the Slam is broken up. He goes for a chair shot but Show fires off the big punch. AND IT GETS THE PIN AT 5:35????? REALLY?????

Rating: C. Call me crazy but I liked it. There’s something cool about two guys just going off on each other with chair shots. This worked pretty well for what it was and keeping it short was the right idea. The important thing is coming though so I’m cutting this short.

Post match Henry hits him with a DDT on the chairs AND HERE’S BRYAN!!! HE WINS THE TITLE!!!!! Cole is STUNNED. Bryan Danielson and CM Punk are currently the world champions in WWE and might be at Wrestlemania. Let that sink in for a bit.

Booker says he’s going to try to compete tonight and he looks MAD.

Intercontinental Title: Booker T vs. Cody Rhodes

Cody hammers him down to start but Booker hits a side kick and sends Cody to the floor. As they head back in, Cody gets in a shot to put Booker down. Pretty boring stuff here as they know the fans are all catching their breath at once. A double clothesline puts them both down and they slug it out a bit. Cody winds up holding onto the bottom rope and we get a Spinarooni. It makes him dizzy and the scissors kick misses. Side kick misses and the Beautiful Disaster gets two. Another one ends this at 7:15.

Rating: D+. Like I said not much here, but this was all about filling in time before the main event. They would have been better suited having Sheamus vs. Swagger here, but the match wasn’t bad or anything. Cody wins as he should have and he gets a little more validation with a win over a big name. If that’s it for Booker, there’s not much to complain about here.

They actually recap the show up to this point.

Raw World Title: Miz vs. CM Punk vs. Alberto Del Rio

TLC match. The heels jump Punk to start but Punk fights them off. Lawler thinks there are pins in this but Cole actually saves him, saying that Lawler is confused because this match has never happened before. He wasn’t rude about it either. Punk gets double teamed and they slowly go to the floor since they don’t trust each other. Miz goes after Ricardo so Del Rio hits him with a chair.

Punk dives out onto Del Rio to take over and it’s him vs. Miz in the ring. Punk tries the bulldog onto the chair but Miz counters into a belly to back onto the unfolded chair. Miz goes for a ladder but Del Rio stops him, sending him into the ladder. Everyone goes to the floor now and Miz swings a chair but hits the post. Punk wears him out with that chair and Del Rio is down from a chair shot as well.

Punk puts Miz on the railing and hits the running knee, using a chair as a springboard. He sets the ladder up in the ring but Ricardo runs in and handcuffs Punk to the ladder. That’s a new one. Del Rio hammers him down but the shots break the cuffs and Punk is free. Miz gets what appears to be a huge ladder and beats Punk down with it. He gets a hand on the belt but Punk saves.

They go to the corner and Del Rio hits the running enziguri to knock Punk to the floor and through a table. Del Rio throws a miniladder at Miz in the aisle and does the cross armbreaker with the ladder deal to Miz. He goes back to Punk and does the same but with a chair. He goes up but both guys make the save and crotch him on the top rope. Ricardo goes up and Punk knocks him off the top through a table on the floor.

Miz manages to cuff Punk to the ropes and the champ panics. Miz of course taunts him instead of going up and Punk fires off a kick to the head. Del Rio has a ladder up and Punk tries to kick the ring apart. Miz has a bigger ladder as Punk continues his straightedge tool work. Eventually he gets free and Punk destroys them all. Miz makes the save and I really thought that was it. GTS to Miz and that’s enough for Punk to retain at 18:25.

Rating: B. This was about what you would expect from a triple threat TLC match. It wasn’t anything classic but it was entertaining enough and that’s the whole point of it. The handcuffs didn’t really play into things that well but they were trying something new out there and I’ll give them points for that. Not a classic or anything but I’ve certainly seen worse.

Overall Rating: B. This was certainly a good show but it had some weak parts. The HHH vs. Nash match is a lot more acceptable if it ENDS the feud and I mean forever. A lot happened here and I think their idea was to throw so much stuff at us so fast that we couldn’t really tell if it was good or not. Overall it was good, but I didn’t have as much fun with it as others probably did. Still fun though and a nice surprise, but it’ll tank in buyrates and all of the booking will be blamed.

Results
Zack Ryder b. Dolph Ziggler – Rough Ryder
Air Boom b. Primo/Epico – Trouble in Paradise to Primo
Randy Orton b. Wade Barrett – Orton put Barrett through a table
Beth Phoenix b. Kelly Kelly – Electric Chair
HHH b. Kevin Nash – Pedigree
Big Show b. Mark Henry – WMD
Daniel Bryan b. Big Show – Pin after a DDT onto a pile of chairs
Cody Rhodes b. Booker T – Beautiful Disaster
CM Punk b. The Miz and Alberto Del Rio – Punk pulled down the title

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It’s certainly not Immortal.

Pretty much this goes to Beer Money by default.  They were dominant all year and held the tag titles for like six months.  I don’t count their world title reigns because they weren’t as a team but you get the idea.  Is there anyone else that can compete here?

Your picks/thoughts?

It’s the end of the year and I’m really not looking forward to this.I’ve made no secret out of the fact that I think this show looks weak.  I thought it might be fun to compare last year’s card to this year’s.

IC Title: last year we had Ziggler vs. Swagger vs. Kofi in a three way ladder match which was rather entertaining and had a creative ending.  This year, it’s Cody defending against an announcer in a non-ladder match.  Advantage: 2010.

US Title: last year it was defended in a dark match.  This year it should be Ryder finally getting the title he’s chased for four months.  Advantage: 2011.

Divas: last year it was a tag team tables match, this year they’re not on the card.  Advantage: push.  Seriously, the Divas not being on the card is a GOOD thing in 2011.

Featured ladder match: last year it was Sheamus vs. Morrison in what I thought was the best match of the night.  This year it’s HHH vs. Nash in a match that SUCKED in 2003 and now it’s 8 years later.  Advantage: you do the math.

Featured tables match: last year it was Miz vs. Orton for the title.  This year it’s Orton vs. Barrett in a pretty well built grudge match.  Advantage: 2011.  That match last year sucked.

TLC Match: last year it was a fatal fourway with Kane defending against Edge, Del Rio and Mysterio in what I thoguht was a good match.  This year it’s a triple threat with practically no heat.  Advantage: 2010.

Featured chairs match: last year it was Cena vs. Barrett and a definitive ending to the Cena vs. Nexus feud.  This year it’s Show vs. Henry for the Smackdown Title.  Advantage: 2010, but not in a total runaway as Show vs. Henry has been a decent feud.

John Cena: last year, in the main event.  This year, not on the card.  Game, set and match – 2010.

I just don’t care about this show.  It hasn’t been built up that well at all and I’m not sure what the main event actually is.  You would assume the TLC match due to it being the namesake, but that wasn’t the case last year.  I REALLY don’t want HHH vs. Nash going on last due to black hole levels of suck.  The Raw Title could go last but I’m not interested in that match at all.  Show vs. Henry just isn’t a PPV ending match.  In short, there isn’t a big time match this year and that’s really hurting the show.

As for predictions, I’ll take Punk, Henry, HHH (but I have a hunch on Nash), Cody and Ryder.

Your thoughts/predictions?

Criteria here: I’m not including Divas matches, most of the Knockout matches, anything that’s really short (under 3 minutes or so) or whatever Sting and Jeff Hardy did at Victory Road.I’m going to go with Cena vs. Miz in the main event of Wrestlemania.  Not only was the match itself boring, but the ending was atrocious.  I said this in my review and in the Live Discussion of the show: They booked a Dusty Finish in the main event of Wrestlemania.  That isn’t acceptable to me.  This is Wrestlemania, not any other show of the year.  I hold it to a higher standard than a double countout and Rock suddenly having the power to make matches throughout the night.  This didn’t work for me at all and I remember thinking to myself “that’s how they ended it?” after the match and show ended.

Your picks?

David Von Erich Memorial Parade of Champions
Date: May 6, 1984
Location: Texas Stadium, Irving, Texas
Attendance: 32,123
Commentator: Marc Lawrence

So back in 1984, David Von Erich was allegedly the next in line to become NWA World Champion. Then he died. He had gone on a tour of Japan and complained of a stomach ache and he never woke up that night. According to the official results it was a heart attack but a lot of wrestlers say it was a drug overdose and Bruiser Brody allegedly flushed the drugs down a toilet. Anyway, this is a big memorial show for him and his brother Kerry has a world title shot against Flair. Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen. Let’s get to it.

I think this is a hacked up home video version, so things are going to be all over the place and probably clipped a lot.

Also I’ve gotten two different attendance totals and this is the smaller one, but the look of the show would imply it’s more correct than the one I saw that said over 50,000.

Chick Donovan vs. Butch Reed

Reed is a total monster here. Donovan is a surfer character and is built as well. They exchange shoves and Donovan takes him down. It’s so strange to think that this is almost a year before Wrestlemania as things look like they could be from the late 90s. I think we’re clipped a bit as Donovan grabs the leg but I’m not sure. They fight over a top wristlock and Reed takes over. Donovan gets thrown to the floor and the camera jumps around a lot. I think it’s more odd camera work than clipping. Donovan looks to Hulk Up on the floor and comes back in but gets his head kicked off. A gorilla press drop and a shoulder block end this.

Rating: D+. Not much here but I’m really impressed by the production values here. Maybe it’s that I’m so used to everything from the 80s being dark until the very end, but this is a really bright and good looking show. Reed would go on to the NWA and then the WWF later in the 80s and then become half of Doom. Donovan became an announcer I think.

Great Kabuki vs. Kamala

Kabuki is a guy that was far more famous in territories and Japan than in America. His biggest contribution: he introduced Asian Mist to pro wrestling. Kamala I’m sure you’re all familiar with. This is Gart Hart vs. Skandor Akbar in the managing aspect, who are both guys you should know as they’re awesome. Hart (not related to Stu) towers over Kabuki. Kabuki does a nunchuck demonstration before the match.

They stall forever before the match and Kabuki spits Mist. Now they stall even more. We’re at about a minute so far with no contact. Kamala finally gets things going by chopping away. Kabuki kicks a lot as is his custom. The fans have no idea who to cheer for it seems. A test of strength doesn’t happen as Kamala grabs a bearhug instead.

Now it’s a choke which Kamala shifts to a pectoral hold. In other words, he’s grabbing the chest. The managers are about to fight again. Kabuki fights up…and then Kamala pulls him right back down again. A superkick puts Kamala down and Kabuki chokes some too. END THIS ALREADY!!! They chop each other a lot and Kabuki kicks him down as the managers start fighting. They both come in and it’s a double DQ.

Rating: F. I need a drink after sitting through that match. This was HORRIBLE and the ending sucked really hard. Neither guy moved faster than a turtle with a broken leg’s pace and the ending made it even worse. Just a horrible match and I have no idea who thought this was going to be a good idea.

Junkyard Dog vs. Missing Link

Dog was a HUGE star at this point. Missing Link is a crazy man. Link charges straight at him so Dog punches him a lot. A chair is brought in so Dog whacks him over the head with it and that’s all well and good I guess. Akbar is Link’s manager too. Link tries ramming Dog’s head into the buckle and that just fails. Now Link rams his own head into the buckle. They both get on all fours and ram heads which goes to Dog as well. Akbar tries to cheat and it allows Link to hit a middle rope headbutt for the pin? Akbar had the foot for the pin but another referee comes out and says what happened so Dog wins by DQ.

Rating: D-. It’s only really not a failure because Link had a cool look and I liked the insane character he had. The Dog was WAY over and it worked very well to have him here. Not a good match at all though as their styles completely clashed and the ending was even worse with neither guy looking good at all. It was pretty much a squash until the end.

American Tag Titles: Super Destroyers vs. Rock N Roll Soul

The Destroyers are guys in masks and are the champions. Rock N Roll Soul are King Parsons and Buck Zumhofe. This is the top tag title in the company. Akbar manages the champions here AGAIN. The fans are way behind the champions here. Buck and we’ll say #1 start with a crisscross. Off to Parsons and #2 and Parsons works on the arm. A dropkick puts the Destroyer down and Parsons does the JYD all fours headbutt.

Off to the other Destroyer who can’t hurt Parson’s head, just like JYD. Couldn’t they at least have another match in between there so it’s not so obvious? Off to Buck who climbs the ropes with a headlock takeover. Sunset flip gets two. We hit the five minute mark as Buck still has that headlock on. The heels make a blind tag and the other comes in with a dropkick for two.

A kneedrop gets two for I think #1. Those are their names: Super Destroyer #1 and Super Destroyer #2. They would eventually be revealed to be Bill and Scott Irwin. Parsons gets the tag and everything breaks down. Soul gets stereo sunset flips for two. Parsons gets double teamed but he hits his flying hip attack (Goldust used to use it) for the pin and the titles.

Rating: D+. This is before 1986 so the tag team formula wasn’t established yet at all. This was pretty much just so they could say something major happened here…which is pretty pointless given the main event but whatever. This was more of a regional thing than a match for the masses if that makes sense.

Six Man Tag Titles: Freebirds vs. Von Erichs

Kevin, Mike and Fritz here. The Birds are the champions and the titles are represented by a big trophy instead of belts. Mike is one of the saddest stories you’ll ever hear: He wasn’t a good wrestler in the first place and then he was injured. The injury resulted in toxic shock syndrome, which resulted in brain damage. His dad, Fritz, made him get back in the ring anyway. He committed suicide later in the 80s.

This is anything goes. Fritz is in a dress shirt and jeans. Everything breaks down quickly and chairs are thrown in. The referee says anything goes but you have to tag. Ok then. Kevin is bleeding from the big brawl. Ok so it’s officially Buddy Roberts vs. Kevin to start. Kevin beats him down and it’s a brawl in less than 10 seconds with everyone coming in. Off to Mike who goes straight for the leg.

Mike is a very small man. Hayes comes in and stomps away as the fans HATE him. A middle rope splash misses and here’s old man Fritz. Everything breaks down again and Fritz whips Hayes’ back with a belt. Kevin vs. the monster known as Terry Gordy. Gordy starts his boxing and the fans are erupting more and more every second now. If the Von Erichs win, Kerry gets Fritz’s title since Fritz is retired. I’m glad they cleared that up.

Kevin tries the Iron Claw but Gordy fights it off at the five minute mark. Hayes comes in and the fans are louder in this match than they’ve been in the whole show so far. Hayes takes off his boot to get in some shots and it’s off to Roberts. In one of the oddest moves you’ll ever seen, Roberts thrusts his hips forward so his belt buckle hits Kevin in the head. Fritz comes in and everything breaks down. Claw to Hayes and to Roberts at the same time. Hayes is busted bad. Various people are rammed into each other until Kevin comes off the top with a cross body to pin Roberts for the title.

Rating: C. This was the first decent match of the entire show. Granted a lot of that was probably due to the crowd finally being interested. This was without a doubt the feud that defines the promotion so you knew they were going to have something going on here. Not a bad match, but the rematch in July won Match of the Year from Meltzer, so check that out instead since it had Kerry so Fritz didn’t look so out of place.

Killer Khan comes in post match for the big beatdown. Kerry runs out for the save.

NWA World Title: Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich

You can tell this is a long time ago as Flair is from Minneapolis still. Kerry comes out to some country song that started after the beginning of Tom Sawyer played. His robe says In Memory of David and has a yellow rose, which was David’s nickname. If Flair gets disqualified, Kerry is champion. Kerry overpowers him to start and they hit the mat at a standoff.

They go back to the mat and no one can get control again. Kerry takes over and hits a dropkick to put Flair into the corner. They fight over a top wristlock and Kerry takes over again. This is a long feeling out process to start. Kerry gets a press slam and Flair begs off, heading to the floor. Flair gets in some shots but Kerry is like not in Texas dude. Sunset flip gets two.

Kerry hooks a sleeper but Flair suplexes out of it to take over. The champ uses his regular stuff to control, including the knee drop. Kerry snaps off a dropkick which Flair doesn’t even go down from. Flair gets caught in an abdominal stretch but escapes quickly. Shoulder puts Kerry down but he grabs the Iron Claw. After escaping, Flair goes up top but is slammed down. Kerry escapes a pair of Figure Fours and grabs a backslide for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. That’s it? I mean really, that’s it? This wasn’t even 12 minutes long. It came off more like a modern TV main event than anything else. Flair never had Kerry in anything resembling trouble, although Kerry never dominated either. To be fair though, you couldn’t have made this more obvious if you had painted a big sign saying “come see Kerry win the title”. His match with David had been built up already so this was thrown together at the last minute. The lack of hatred hurt it, but there’s only so much they could do here.

The locker room empties for the celebration. Flair says he’ll be back and Kerry says bring it. He would lose the title back to Flair in less than three weeks in Japan, and that’s ok I think as Kerry was never meant to be champion in the first place. Flair would hold it over two years after that.

Oddly enough, that’s not the last match.

Precious/Jimmy Garvin vs. Sunshine/Chris Adams

Basic feud here with Precious having Sunshine as an assistant until she treated her horribly once too often Sunshine snapped. This is the payoff for it. The guys start us off and Adams slams him down. Garvin can’t do much with him due to a lack of talent. After a brief chinlock we get a double clothesline to put both guys down. Superkick puts Garvin down and the girls come in.

They aren’t wrestlers so this is horrendous. Back to the guys and Adams takes over on a tired Garvin. Garvin hits what we would call Snake Eyes to take over. Adams is busted open but he manages to reverse a piledriver. The girls come in again and everything breaks down. Adams comes back in with a sunset flip for the pin as the girls fight to the floor.

Rating: F. Terrible all around, but to be fair the girls weren’t wrestlers. That being said, Garvin is but he couldn’t do anything of note. Adams wasn’t very famous as a wrestler but he brought the superkick into modern wrestling and trained Steve Austin, so he had to be worth something right?

Garvin and Precious run away to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the worst shows I can remember in a long time. You had terrible matches other than about two and the rest was just missing. I get that it’s a different era, but would a clean fall have killed you in the first 30 minutes? Also the time is weird as only one match out of seven broke 10 minutes. The whole show is only a little over 70 minutes (granted that’s not counting entrances) so it came off as totally rushed. Not worth seeing, not even for the title change.

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Monday Nitro #58
Date: October 21, 1996
Location: Mankato Civic Center, Mankato, Minnesota
Attendance: 4,034
Commentators: Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan, Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko

It’s FINALLY the last show before Halloween Havoc which took forever to get to. The main event tonight is Benoit vs. Savage which should be good, although it probably won’t be up to their capabilities due to the whole Liz thing from last week. This should be a better show than last week’s which was nothing all that interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with talking about Savage and the Liz tape from last week. Larry reiterates that WCW needs a leader.

Chris Jericho vs. Bobby Eaton

Should be good. Tony says Sting is here and has a match scheduled with JL. Syxx and NWO Sting are here. After a break we’re ready to go. Patrick is referee and is still hurt. Jericho speeds things up to start and hits a dropkick and shoulder block to control early. Eaton comes back with a bad powerslam for no cover. Jericho hits the springboard dropkick to put Eaton outside. If Jericho wasn’t so pale I’d think he was the Cheetah Kid from last week.

Eaton works on the arm back in the ring. They slug it out and this match probably needs to end soon. They’re just not clicking out there. Jericho sends him into the post and they hit the floor. The Canadian’s elbow hits the post but Eaton misses a shot and stumbles up the aisle. Back in and Eaton hooks a swinging neckbreaker for no cover. A top rope kneedrop mostly hits for two. Jericho hits something like a jumping superkick and then a missile dropkick for the pin.

Rating: D+. Really surprising here as the match didn’t click at all for the most part. The ending was a lot better but other than that they looked totally out of sync. Jericho would get a lot better and I don’t think Eaton would be around much longer after this. Jericho would get Syxx on Sunday.

Jericho says that in six days he’ll get the first win over the NWO. He actually would, but it wouldn’t be until World War 3.

Video on Mysterio and how awesome he is.

Dean Malenko vs. Jimmy Graffiti

Graffiti is more commonly known as Jimmy Del Ray of the Heavenly Bodies. Graffiti takes over early and looks pretty stupid in his shirt with the word Graffiti on it and jean shorts. A Batista Bomb gets two for Graffiti as does a superkick. Malenko comes back and knocks him to the floor where he lands on the top of his head. Fake Sting is watching this and filming it. This prompts Tony and Larry to discuss if Rey has joined the NWO.

Dean hits a clothesline in the corner and a suplex but the Cloverleaf is broken up. Graffiti gets in his bit of jobber offense and they both go to the floor off a Malenko cross body. Back in and Graffiti tries something resembling a dropkick but gets caught in a powerbomb kind of move. The Cloverleaf ends this clean. It gets the Power Pin of the Week which is a sponsorship thing despite it not being a pin.

Rating: C-. Just a long squash here as Graffiti was never any threat to Deano Machino. I really don’t know why they brought in Del Ray of all people but he was fine for a jobber role I suppose. Dean would get the title back from Rey on Sunday before losing it to Ultimo Dragon at Starrcade.

Diamond Dallas Page vs. Craig Pittman

We get a montage of Diamond Cutters before the match. Teddy is with Pittman here. He really didn’t have a good group of guys around this time. Teddy and Patrick get in an argument about 2 seconds after the bell rings. Page rams Pittman into Long to take over quickly. This has all the makings of a squash. Page pancakes him down for two. Pittman kicks out and shoves Page onto Patrick, injuring the referee’s back to a big pop. Out to the floor for a bit where Pittman works on the arm. Code Red (cross armbreaker) goes on but Teddy distracts the referee for no apparent reason. Diamond Cutter ends this.

After the too short to rate match, Teddy is accused of being NWO. He yells at Patrick and Patrick says it was Teddy’s fault, which is true.

Tony talks to Nick who says he didn’t hear Page give up. He’s accused of being the NWO referee again and he says it’s Randy Anderson again.

We look back at two weeks ago where Flair was attacked to write him off TV for his legit shoulder injury. We also see Jarrett challenging the Giant for Havoc.

Ron Studd vs. Jeff Jarrett

Flair comes out to watch this match. He gets in the ring before it starts and tells Jarrett to strut. The fans aren’t all that thrilled. Flair struts and gets cheered, so they do it again. Ric shakes Jarrett’s hand and that’s that. The match actually starts now and Studd is a giant. Jarrett manages a suplex and a bad figure four ends this.

Jarrett says it’s time for WCW to band together to take out the NWO. Also Giant won’t be able to chokeslam him. Flair comes up and says that he’ll be back to get his revenge for his injury.

Hour #2 begins. The announcers talk as usual.

Lex Luger vs. Roadblock

Roadblock weighs about 400lbs. He goes right after Luger and that doesn’t work all that well for him. A clothesline sends Roadblock to the floor and he’s rammed into various metal things. Back in Luger slams him but can’t hit the jumping elbow. In an inset interview, Anderson says that time is running out on Lex and he’ll make him quit Sunday. A kneedrop gets two for Roadblock. Luger starts Hulking Up and calls for the Rack but drops the big guy twice. The third time works and Roadblock insta-taps.

Rating: D+. Just a basic power match for a hero to show off like Luger did here. Roadblock was another huge guy that did practically nothing while the other guys would beat him up and it was supposed to be impressive. I think Luger would beat Anderson on Sunday in one of Anderson’s last big time matches.

Buy the NWO Shirt!

Lee Marshall is in Phoenix and Nitro is there next week. Why did they keep doing that? I still don’t get it.

Harlem Heat vs. American Males

Eric talks about the Braves beating New York tonight, which he says needs to become a tradition. It’s a jab at Vince so Heenan cracks up. Eric says this is non title but Patrick holds up the titles anyway. More WWF jabs as Riggs vs. Ray starts us off. Power vs. speed here with the power team taking over, hitting a World’s Strongest Slam to put Riggs down. Bagwell comes in and we talk about Savage a bit.

Marcus throws Stevie over the top but it’s momentum or whatever despite Bagwell THROWING HIM OVER THE ROPES. We take a break and come back with Booker getting worked over by Bagwell. Booker powerbombs him down and the Outsiders are here. The NWO wants Nitro apparently. Stevie pounds away and since that’s the extent of his offense it’s back to Booker. The Hangover misses and here’s Riggs again. Everything breaks down and Riggs goes after the Heat’s managers, allowing the Harlem Side Kick to end him.

Rating: D. This was really boring as the Heat seemed completely uninterested. The Males would be split up next month as Bagwell would turn heel for the first of about 8,000 times. This wasn’t much of a match and it wasn’t very good, primarily due to Booker having to do all of the work for his team.

Faces of Fear vs. Fantastics

The Fantastics? REALLY? They brought these guys out of mothballs? Don’t get me wrong: they were my favorite 80s NWA tag team so I’m not complaining, but this is late 1996. This falls under the category of Greg Valentine. This would be their only WCW match too. Fulton chops away at Meng and he’s like dude….no. The announcers talk about Savage some more and they’re not sure if he’s here, despite him being scheduled for the main event.

A double dropkick puts Meng on one knee and the announcers say that the Fantastics have no chance in this. Eric keeps telling us the Braves score because that’s required for some reason. Fulton tries to fight back and Eric laughs when he punches and kicks. A piledriver kills him dead but Fulton makes the save. The double headbutt hits and Eric is all happy because Sting might be here. Hot tag brings in Rogers and he gets in some offense but his cross body gets caught and a big boot from Meng ends this.

Rating: D-. I love the Fantastics, but I have NO idea what they were thinking bringing them in here. They looked old and pale and the Faces of Fear destroyed them. It was a total squash and Eric was burying them on commentary. It’s not like they were a regular team either. This was their only match in WCW and I think Rogers would go to ECW for awhile. I don’t get this one at all.

Remember that Liz video that Eric was afraid messed Savage up? Let’s watch it again, because that’ll get Randy’s head straight right? Liz still loves him is the point of this. Eric says he has more footage for later.

JL vs. Sting

And it’s the NWO Sting. The whole NWO comes out to watch. A few fans are fooled for a bit but it becomes clear what’s going on pretty quickly. The NWO comes out of the crowd sans Hogan. Total squash and the Deathlock looks to end it in like a minute, but the REAL Sting comes out. He’s in all black and has white facepaint. The match is thrown out.

Sting debuts the Death Drop and he destroys the Fake Sting. The NWO lets this happen so everyone thinks Sting is NWO. He hooks the Deathlock and the NWO comes in. DiBiase offers him a spot on the team and the whole team tries to tempt him. Eric is WAY too intense about this. I get that it’s supposed to be serious but he gets all melodramatic about it.

Hall asks a legit question: what does Sting have to show for carrying the WCW banner this whole time? Sting talks about the Fake Sting and says the real version may or may not be in their price range. The only thing for sure about him is that nothing’s for sure. He leaves and you can hear the money being printed from here.

Chris Benoit vs. Randy Savage

Eric has left to try to flag down Savage. Here’s Savage but he’s all in black and they’re “street clothes”. I’m not sure what street people walk down looking like that but I don’t think I want to be there. Eric apologizes and rolls some tape. It’s from the 3 Ninjas movie set with Hogan hosting things for lack of a better term. Hogan talks to the director and says he has a lot of things he needs to do and that it can’t go over budget.

The NWO takes over production of the film. Giant is the new director, Hogan is producing and Liz has a cameo. Hogan makes Liz say she loves Randy. Hogan is in a wig here and it’s really not working for him. This is really bad. Hogan sends Liz to his trailer with Giant escorting her. Hogan comes into the trailer and yells at her. He and Giant talk a bit more to end this.

Back in the arena Savage isn’t sure what to do. There’s no match of course. Savage says it just occurred to him how fragile friendships and relationships can be. Business and marriages can be fragile too. Life is also fragile and with that Savage leaves. Eric calls him back…and that’s it.

Overall Rating: D-. Really weak show here, which is the second in a row. Havoc sucked and the Savage vs. Hogan match was a big reason why. It wound up being a comedy match and Savage was just fine after the last two weeks of him being all mopey and depressed. This built up the PPV a bit but overall, there wasn’t much here. At least we don’t have to hear the words Slim Jim’s every 8 seconds now.

Here’s Halloween Havoc if you’re interested:

http://forums.wrestlezone.com/showthread.php?p=2182496#post2182496

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Smackdown
Date: December 16, 2011
Location: RBC Center, Raleigh, North Carolina
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

It’s the final show before TLC and I’m only kind of looking forward to the show. I don’t know if it’s the lack of anything resembling an awesome heel or what, but I can’t get fired up for this show at all. It’s not just me as I’ve heard that WWE is expecting it to do awful business. Either way, this should be an ok show as Smackdown is almost guaranteed to be anymore. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is the global warming due to it being in the fifties in the middle of December.

Big Show faces Jack Swagger tonight. Is there a reason for that? Was Long mad at Henry or something? Also Barrett/Ziggler vs. Ryder/Orton.

We open with Booker T being brought out to be interviewed by Josh. Booker asks the fans if he looks ready. He was ready to become a commentator but Cody had to make things physical. Booker refuses to become a legitimizer for Cody. He hasn’t thought about returning to the ring full time, but he’ll cross that bridge when he wins the title. Cue Cody who says that on Sunday we might see some nostalgia and maybe even a rush of offense that makes people say Booker is back.

If it was a movie, Booker would win and Cody would leave in disgrace. But this isn’t a movie. What’s going to happen when Booker’s legs give out and Booker falls to Cody? Booker wants to know how Cody feels about the reality of him beating Cody up right now. Cody is facing Bryan tonight and if Booker interferes again, he’ll lose his title match and Cody will work to get him suspended. Booker needs to get out of the ring so Cody can show him how legitimate he already is, sucka. Great promo from Cody.

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

Booker gets in on commentary and Bryan still has bad ribs. Booker even apologizes for interfering in the previous two matches. Bryan goes for a quick LeBell Lock but Cody hits the floor. We take a break and come back with Bryan holding a headlock. Here’s a surfboard attempt but Bryan just rams Cody’s knees into the mat instead. To the apron and Cody suplexes Bryan to the floor in a good looking bump.

Cody works on the bad ribs as Cole runs down Booker. Booker says he’ll defend the title if he wins it, implying he’ll be back full time. Bryan gets in some kicks but Cody takes him down again for two. Bryan gets some rollups for some far falls. He hits something for two but we had the camera on Booker instead of the ring so I have no idea what he used.

Here are the kicks in the corner but Cody gets a foot up to break up the charge. Bryan tries a belly to back superplex but Cody floats on top for two. The ribs on Bryan are starting to take their toll on his offense as they exchange rollups into the Cross Rhodes for the pin for Cody at 5:46 shown of 9:16.

Rating: C+. These two have decent chemistry together and this was another example of it. Having Cole and Booker argue the whole time was annoying and took away from the match, but at least they were talking about the feud at hand and not something stupid like Twitter or whatever else they can waste their time with. Good match but it needed more time to really become something special.

Alicia Fox vs. Natalya

Nattie brings out the tissues which isn’t working as well as the screaming CRY at other Divas. Josh tells us that Kelly, Eve and Alicia will be blogging for Perez Hilton. I’m trying to care even less than I do and it’s just not working. Natalya works on the ribs but Alicia gets a small package for the pin at 1:01. Correction: I’ve found something I care about even less than the Hilton thing.

Alicia pulled some of the extensions out of Natalya’s hair. Alicia says she just got out foxed. Oh geez. Natalya charges in post match so Alicia tries a spinning legdrop, hitting Natalya right on the forehead. And she’s going to get pushed isn’t she?

We look at the video of the nominees for Pipe Bomb of the Year. At least this was funny.

Swagger says he’ll win tonight. Henry comes up and says if Swagger hurts Big Show, he’ll get a title shot. Swagger says he’ll hurt Big Show, but for himself, not for Henry. He says Henry is losing on Sunday and that he’ll win the title in the future. He really is sounding more like a face every week, which would be the best thing that could happen to him.

Usos vs. Primo/Epico

When I say the Usos should be on TV more, I don’t mean jobbing to the latest Hispanic team. At least I get my Siva Tao and to look at Rosa Mendes. So is Hunico gone? The Usos take over on Epico to start and Booker says the Usos remind him of Harlem Heat. Off to Primo who hammers on I believe Jey. After a chinlock he fights back and Booker says he’s not in his own Fave Five. Everything breaks down and Jey hits a superkick to Primo. He loads up the splash but Rosa distracts him, allowing a Backstabber to get the pin at 2:59. This was fine.

To hype up Swagger vs. Show, they show a clip of a match from July of 2010. Seriously?

Jack Swagger vs. Big Show

Swagger even does the push-ups so you know he’s serious. Almost immediately Henry comes out with a chair in hand. Swagger tries to jump Big Show but it doesn’t work that well for him. Jack takes out the leg but it doesn’t exactly last that long. After a brief beating on the floor, Show chops away in the corner. Henry is sitting in the aisle in the chair.

All Big Show here as this is more of an exhibition for Henry than anything else. Notice something Big Show does here: the telling the crowd to be silent for the chops. The chop gets a big pop for that and a part of that is due to him talking to the crowd. Think back to guys like Hogan, Sting, Austin, Rock, Flair etc. They all got huge reactions and they all directly talked to the crowd, be it through shouting at them, talking to fans in the front row, asking their approval for something etc. It’s an old standard and it still works today. Fans like being involved in the show, even in tiny ways like that.

Swagger gets in a shoulder to the knee and the Vader Bomb gets no cover. The second one gets two but Show fires him off like he’s nothing. Show starts his comeback despite barely being in trouble. Swagger rolls through the chokeslam into the ankle lock and Show is in trouble. After being in the hold over 30 seconds, Show kicks him off, pops up and kills Swagger dead with the WMD at 5:47.

Rating: C+. This was way better than I was expecting at all. Swagger got in some offense here and the match was actually somewhat competitive. He needs to turn face soon though because he’s floundered so much for the past year and a half. There’s no personality to him and that could be said for most of the heels on the roster. A turn and a Kurt Angle style character for him could work very well.

Henry blasts Swagger and a production guy with the chair post match.

Ryder comes up to Orton in the back and wants to know if they’re on the same page. Orton says no. Same book? Maybe. Ryder is very happy for that and fist pumps. He leaves and Orton almost looks disturbed. Funny segment and it only lasted like 20 seconds.

Ted DiBiase vs. Heath Slater

Cole rants about the DiBiase Posse stuff before the match. I’d go to one of those if there was a show in Lexington. Slater slaps him in the face and DiBiase goes off, sending him to the floor and hammering away. Slater takes over back in the ring and hits a forearm off the top for two. He comes off the middle rope and jumps into an atomic drop. The following clothesline leads to Dream Street for the pin at 3:09.

Rating: D+. DiBiase is getting a nice little push lately but I’d kind of like for it to go somewhere. He’s done the same stuff for weeks now and I’d certainly hope the Mahal feud isn’t the highlight of his push. The Posse thing is a decent idea and it gives him something to do. Not a horrible match and Slater gets to job even more which is really all he’s good at anymore.

Mahal comes in and beats down DiBiase post match. Since he’s Indian he uses a camel clutch. Teddy comes out and says break it up. If Mahal wants a match, he can fight Sheamus.

Jinder Mahal vs. Sheamus

Very nice pop for Sheamus. Sheamus works on the arm to start until Mahal pounds away on him a bit. Sheamus is like screw that and hits a big elbow to put Jinder back down. The forearms to the chest don’t work and we get a chase scene on the floor. Now the forearms hit but with Sheamus on the apron instead of in the ring. Slingshot shoulder gets two. Cole says Mahal kind of floats. Odd description but ok then. A swinging neckbreaker gets two for Mahal and he hooks a chinlock. Sheamus wakes up and hits his signature stuff and the Brogue Kick is good for the win at 3:50.

Rating: C. Pretty much just an extended squash here. Mahal got in some offense for a change but it’s not like Sheamus was ever in any real danger. Jinder hasn’t done anything since he and Khali split and Sheamus is kind of just waiting around to be the next guy to challenge Henry once Show gets done with him I’d assume. Not a bad match here but really just a way to get Sheamus on the show.

Video on the Slammys eat up some time. Cole won another from WWE.com for Most Regrettable Ring Attire for when he dressed as HHH.

Video on HHH vs. Nash which is happening for some reason that we’re still waiting on. I know the storyline but why is this match happening period? Nash isn’t going to be anything full time (for the love of all things good and holy I hope not at least) and HHH is probably going to face Taker at Mania given what he said on Monday, so I don’t get the point in these two having a featured match on Sunday. I guess it’s because he’s HHH.

Randy Orton/Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler/Wade Barrett

No complaints about putting two feuds together into one match. A second coming video interrupts Orton’s entrance. I’ve heard a few answers for this and one is more interesting than the other. It’ll likely be Jericho though. Ziggler vs. Ryder starts us off. Ryder takes over with punches and a flapjack. Off to Orton who slows things way down and does the Garvin Stomp.

Back to Ryder who Ziggler beats up so he can’t tag in Orton again to bore us to tears. Now Barrett comes in to beat up Ryder for awhile. Orton gets a tag so Barrett bails quickly. We’re waiting on the big showdown between them here. Orton focuses on Barrett too much though and Ziggler gets in a shot to take over. The backbreaker is broken up so Ryder comes in to send Ziggler to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Orton pounding Ziggler in the corner. The jumping knee drop gets two. Ziggler gets in a single shot and falls into the corner so Barrett can come in. A big boot puts Barrett down and Orton is in trouble. Ziggler hammers on him and gets two. Orton gets a belly to back suplex on Barrett and there’s the moderately hot tag to Ryder. Ryder gets the knee up in the corner and the Broski Boot (BIG pop for the fist pump) but Ziggler breaks up the Rough Ryder.

Ziggler kicks out of a rollup and hooks a half crab on Ryder. Back to Barrett for a chinlock. They’re going through the motions very badly here. It’s not a bad match but it’s as basic of a tag match as it could possibly be. Wasteland is countered into a DDT to put both guys down. There’s the real hot tag to Orton who cleans house. Snap powerslam puts Ziggy down as does the over the shoulder neckbreaker. Ryder and Barrett go to the floor and Ziggler misses the Fameasser so the RKO can end him at 11:53 shown of 15:23.

Rating: C. Average is the perfect thing to call this match. It wasn’t a bad match or anything and I’d have been fine with this being the main event of a house show. They advanced both feuds which is the right idea but I would have liked to see something between Orton vs. Barrett. Decent main event but it’s absolutely nothing special at all.

Overall Rating: C. Not a terrible show and they plugged the majority of TLC”s matches just fine, but at the same time I wasn’t exactly thrilled by watching it. I think the problem is that TLC is just a dull looking show overall. It feels like a show that is there with a bunch of gimmick matches on it because the calendar says that it’s time for a show with a bunch of gimmick matches on it. There’s no real heat on most of the matches and it’ll probably end with a show that is fine but not particularly interesting at the same time.

Results
Cody Rhodes b. Daniel Bryan – Cross Rhodes
Alicia Fox b. Natalya – Small Package
Epico/Primo b. Usos – Backstabber to Jey
Big Show b. Jack Swagger – WMD
Ted DiBiase b. Heath Slater – Dream Street
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
Randy Orton/Zack Ryder b. Wade Barrett/Dolph Ziggler – RKO to Ziggler

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