Ryder Out Indefinitely With A Broken Back

Is there any reason for this? My take:

If you’ve read my review of the show, the answer seems to be that Ryder is the guy that got over on his own and that’s not what the company wants.  Unless this is a real injury, I don’t see any need for it.  He got put in the horrible storyline with Eve who does nothing but complain to Cena and look good in shorts.  Ryder has gone from the hottest thing in wrestling to a pawn in a Cena storyline to tide him over until Mania.  Think about that for a minute.

 

Thoughts?




Monday Night Raw – January 23, 2012 – Ryder Has A Broken Back. Really?

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 23, 2012
Location: US Airways Arena, Phoenix, Arizona
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

After last week’s actual emotion from Ace, I’m kind of curious as to what happens tonight. The Rumble is in six days and they’ve seemingly only built up to the actual match on Smackdown. That being said, it’s the Royal Rumble so it’s not like it needs much build. It’s a 30 man battle royal with an obvious prize to the winner. That’s not hard to sell. Let’s get to it.

We open things up with the champ. He sits down in the ring and talks about how this Sunday is the Rumble and a big WWE Title match is on the card. Ziggler claims that he’s beaten Punk three times this month, and that’s because he has. Now granted, all of those had Ace helping him but he has indeed beaten him three times. Punk calls Ace a failure, which he knows is true after looking it up on Wikipedia.

We get a clip from the end of the show last week. Punk is a little worried about Ace promising to screw him. However, what exactly can Ace do with two broken arms? Punk calls him out but when there’s no GM, Punk says he’s going after him. Cue….Cena? Cena looks ticked off. He says he was sick of hearing Punk ramble. He’s out here for business, not to talk. Cena demands Ace is here in a few moments to atone for his sins with Ryder last week. Also he wants a match tonight with Kane before his match at the Rumble. Cena also says Ace will resign. Now that’s something new.

Cena looks at the ramp and Punk says Ace needs to be here because of the people. Cue Ace who talks about having days where we wish we could change things. Last week wasn’t one of those days though. Punk calls Ace down to the ring and it’s the whole “I don’t work for you” line from Ace. Ryder is cleared to compete tonight and gets Kane tonight in a falls count anywhere match. If Cena gets involved, Ryder will never get a US Title rematch. Ace makes the tag team match against Ziggler/Swagger and it starts RIGHT NOW.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. John Cena/CM Punk

The bad guys promise vengeance before the match. The bell is after a break. Ziggler vs. Cena gets us going. Punk is in long black shorts here which is a new look for him. Well technically as those are what he wore in ROH. Cena hits the running bulldog to start and here’s Punk. Ziggler bails to the floor as we take a break. Back with the starters and Ziggler speeding things up a bit and strutting.

Cena takes over and struts as well. Off to Swagger who takes it to the mat with a double chickenwing. Cena snaps off a suplex but Dolph makes the save with a dropkick. He drops a bunch of elbows and does the situps spot. Swagger Bomb gets two. Ace is texting or tweeting or whatever. Jack puts on a bearhug but Cena fires off an AA out of nowhere. Cena is so weakened though that he can only tag out.

Punk comes in with a springboard clothesline on Ziggy and he busts out his usual stuff. He sticks his tongue out like Jordan but the GTS is countered. High kick gets two as Swagger saves. Everything breaks down and Swagger gets the ankle lock on the floor but Cena reverses into the STF. Punk goes up but Ace distracts him. Punk threatens to him him and Ziggler rolls him up with a handful of tights for the pin at 11:10.

Rating: C+. Decent main event style tag match here with them playing up the idea of Ziggler getting the title via a screwjob. Cena and Swagger were just kind of there really but they kind of had a story to them so it made sense. Not a great match or anything but it was better than most of the recent main event tags.

Punk says this changes nothing because on Sunday, Ace will screw him and Punk will beat him up. Punk says since Ace likes giving Ziggler presents, he’ll give Ace a chance. For one night only, Ace should be a superstar. Tonight: Punk vs. Ace. He accepts and the fans cheer.

Jericho will be in the Highlight Reel next.

We get a clip from Jericho walking out last week.

Here’s Jericho for the Highlight Reel. He’s officially in the Rumble according to Lawler. Jericho picks up the mic and asks for silence. Nothing said yet. He puts the mic up to his mouth twice but he has an idea. He gets out of the ring and runs up to the stage, asking for one second. Jericho goes into the back and comes back with a t-shirt cannon and ammo. He doesn’t shoot any shirts but steals the camera which we get shots from.

Back to the mic again and once more he asks for silence. He points at the Jeritron 5000 and we get the Millennium Countdown and a highlight package of his career, including winning the Undisputed title. The fans cheer once it’s over but there are some boos in there too. HE SPEAKS! I’ve never heard a bigger pop for the word “This Sunday at the Royal Rumble”. He says that this Sunday, it’s going to be the end of the world as you know it. And that’s it. The lights go out, the jacket goes on, and we go to a break.

We get a WWE Rewind from September with the Hugh Jackman show.

We now get one of my favorite things of the year: the It’s All About The Numbers promo for the Rumble. I love these things.

31 Hall of Famers in Rumbles
21 Wrestlemania main events for those Hall of Famers
695 participants in total
39 eliminations for Shawn Michaels, the most everything
35 eliminations for Kane, the second most all time
194,107 pounds total, or 430 Big Shows
421,883 fans have seen the Rumbles
62:12 is the record amount of time in the Rumble, set by Mysterio
3 wins for Austin, the record
2 seconds, as in the record held by Warlord for over 20 years
1 second, Santino’s record breaking mark
2 women in the Rumble
#1 is the entrant that has produced the same amount of entrants as #30
27 is the lucky number, with four winners
55% have gone on to win their Mania match, dating back to 1993

Ryder is with Eve when Foley comes up. He says Kane is an animal, but he’s just a human being. And Foley is serious bro. Eve is worried and tries to call it off. Cena pops up to a mixed reaction. He says he’s got Ryder’s back if needed but Ryder says stay out of it so Ryder can get his rematch. He’s not mean about it though.

Zack Ryder vs. Kane

Falls count anywhere so Ryder isn’t so thrilled. He still has bad ribs/back too. Ryder goes right for him which is better than he’s done lately. Kane kicks him off the apron where Ryder’s face slams into the table. His back goes into the post and there’s a slam outside. Ryder goes back first into the steps and this has been domination. Eve is at ringside now and this isn’t going to end well. Back into the table again and we take a break.

Back and the beating continues on the floor. A whip into the barricade gets two. Here’s the smother and the referee asks what Ryder says. Well they’re not paid for their intelligence. Out into the crowd now and they go up by the tech area. Ryder hasn’t has any offense in about 8 minutes. Oh wait there’s a shot with a metal case. This is no DQ apparently. Back to the ramp now and Kane kicks him in the ribs.

Ryder goes head first into the WWE logo and a piece of it breaks off. That only gets two and Kane isn’t sure what to do here. A headbutt puts Ryder down as the fans chant for Zack. A few punches by Ryder don’t get him anywhere. And Ryder is chokeslammed through the stage. Ok then. The match just ends. Kane goes after Eve but Cena comes out and Kane runs into the crowd. Match ran roughly ten minutes.

Rating: D. You know I’m really getting ticked off at how they’re treating Ryder. He might as well have been Barry Horowitz out here with how much offense he got in. The guy comes up with a brand new character, makes WWE a bunch of money they wouldn’t have gotten in merchandize sales, and has now been treated like a rag doll by Kane multiple times, making him look like any other guy. I can’t stand this company at times.

Back from a break and Ryder is put on a stretcher. He’s put in an ambulance and Eve, that whiny little pest, says this is all Cena’s fault. Josh Matthews picks NOW to put a mic in Cena’s face. Cena slaps it out of his hands and is very ticked off.

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal

This is their 5th match and Sheamus has never lost. There was a tag match in there too. Barrett, as in the guy Sheamus should be feuding with with no Mahal involved, comes out for commentary. There are the ten forearms. Mahal hits a running knee to the face to take over with a cobra clutch. Well kind of. It’s closer to a Tazmission. Screw it: it’s a chinlock. Sheamus gets up and the Brogue Kick ends this at 3:10.

Rating: D. Sheamus is probably my current favorite wrestler but I have no interest in seeing him against Mahal ever again. I mean…we get it. Sheamus can destroy Mahal at will. It’s now just a challenge of how fast can he do it anymore. Why is Mahal even in this at all? Why isn’t it Sheamus vs. Barrett?

Anyway, Sheamus invites Barrett in but Barrett says no. Sheamus says he’ll win the Rumble.

Miz says that Truth will be repeating history because every partner he’s had has been destroyed. Truth comes up and says he’s a marketing analyst and declares Miz the #1 guy in being boring, uninteresting and making people ask What Else Is On. Truth also thinks his name is Fleischer. Ace comes up and breaks them up. The loser of the match is #1 in the Rumble.

Orton is back on Friday.

William Regal is on commentary for this next match due to his dancing on Friday.

Brodus Clay vs. Heath Slater

Brodus is in a white suit now. I’m assuming Regal will be his first feud. Slater gets run over to start. Heath gets the first notable offense in against Clay: a dropkick. And never mind as Slater is run over, suplexed and What The Funk ends this in 55 seconds.

Rumble Moment: Taker wins from #30.

R-Truth vs. The Miz

The loser is #1 in the Rumble on Sunday. Cole says that two men have gone from #1 to win the Rumble. I’d LOVE to hear someone ask who those people are. This is much more of a brawl than a match. They go to the floor quickly and then back inside. Miz drops him on the floor and we take a break. Back with Miz hitting something for two.

Off to an abdominal stretch which Truth escapes. He starts his comeback with a nice rolling victory roll for two. Backslide gets two but Miz hits the Reality Check for two. He loads up the Finale but Truth rolls through it. Little Jimmy is countered and a short DDT gets two. And out of nowhere a Little Jimmy gets the pin at 8:13. It’s as quick as it sounds.

Rating: D+. These two just don’t have good chemistry together. I remember them having a match I believe the Fatal Fourway PPV a few years back and it was simply dreadful. These are guys that are far better on the mic than in the ring, which becomes a problem after awhile. Not horrible but pretty much just there.

We get a medical update on Ryder: he has a broken back. Oh geez they’re writing him off aren’t they. If this isn’t for a legit injury, I don’t think I’ll have ever been more annoyed.

Ace is warming up. It’s 10:54 and he’s in his office. Otunga pops up with a fax and says it can’t wait. Ace isn’t happy with it, whatever it says.

It’s 10:59, so let’s run down the card for Sunday!

CM Punk vs. John Laruinaitis

And there’s no Ace. Oh wait here he is and we hear about his resume from All Japan, said by name. Otunga is here too. Ace says he got a fax from the board of directors. Otunga reads it and it says the board is concerned about his activities as interim GM of Raw. His status as interim GM is officially under review. Next week he’ll get a formal job evaluation to determine if he keeps his job or is terminated. HHH is giving the job evaulation.

Punk is very happy and says that means he won’t get screwed. Ace calls it a wakeup call and says this is all a misunderstanding. Foley is in the Rumble and he was always going to call the title match down the middle. Punk calls Ace a little girl that gets everything all year long but at Christmas she’s afraid of getting coal. He wants Ace to be fired. Ace says that won’t happen. No match of course.

Otunga will be subbing so he jumps him. There was no bell. Punk takes him down and Vices him. Ace backs away and Punk has a mouse under his eye. There’s a high kick to Otunga and Ace backs off again. He offers a handshake but walks into a GTS. Ziggler runs in and gives him the Zig Zag to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. This one really didn’t work at all and that’s because most of this was about taking out the new guy that got popular in a hurry on his own. I mean seriously, a broken back? If it’s as bad as it sounds, that’s probably what, back by April at the very best? Barring a legit injury, why in the world would you take away the second or third most popular guy on Raw? I hope there’s more to it than that, because if not then they’re idiots at a level even I didn’t expect. Bad show and I don’t think they realize the Rumble is Sunday.

Results
Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger b. CM Punk/John Cena – Rollup to Punk with a handful of tights
Kane vs. Zack Ryder went to a no contest when Kane chokeslammed Ryder through the stage
Sheamus b. Jinder Mahal – Brogue Kick
Brodus Clay b. Heath Slater – What The Funk
R-Truth b. The Miz – Little Jimmy

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Royal Rumble By The Numbers

I love these things! Here are the numbers:

31 Hall of Famers in Rumbles
21 Wrestlemania main events for those Hall of Famers
695 participants in total
39 eliminations for Shawn Michaels, the most everything
35 eliminations for Kane, the second most all time
194,107 pounds total, or 430 Big Shows
421,883 fans have seen the Rumbles
62:12 is the record amount of time in the Rumble, set by Mysterio
3 wins for Austin, the record
2 seconds, as in the record held by Warlord for over 20 years
1 second, Santino’s record breaking mark
2 women in the Rumble
#1 is the entrant that has produced the same amount of entrants as #30
27 is the lucky number, with four winners
55% have gone on to win their Mania match, dating back to 1993




Smackdown – July 20, 2000 – Watch This Main Event And Take Notes. It’s AWESOME.

Smackdown
Date: July 20, 2000
Location: Nassau Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Attendance:
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

This is another request. It’s the go home show for the Fully Loaded 2000 PPV which has the Rock vs. Benoit for the title if I remember right. It also had the Flying Samoan as Rikishi jumped off the cage and crushed Venis but somehow lost the match. Other than that I have no idea what the request is for but let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Raw where Benoit clocked Rock with a chair but Rock went into the locker room and drilled him with the same chair. They fought through the back with Rock destroying him for a good while. Rock Bottom onto the hood of a limo ended it.

Here’s Commissioner Foley to open things up. Mick talks about how he sucks up everywhere but this is his hometown. He says that on Monday, everything turned violent. That of course gets cheers. He enjoys being backstage but that isn’t his job. The thing he needs to deal with tonight is the Rock situation. Rock is going to go all insane on Sunday and likely get himself disqualified about two minutes in. Therefore, if Rock gets disqualified, he loses the title. The violence must come to an end.

Cue Jericho who has taped ribs and is ticked off. Jericho likes the idea of getting rid of the rest of the violence, but he wants just a little more. HHH hit him with the sledgehammer recently and it made him wacky. He feels like a hunter now and wants to join the “I just beat HHH within an inch of his life and left him almost dead” club, of which Foley is a member. There’s going to be a last man standing match on Sunday between them, but he wants to be in the club tonight.

Cue Benoit as this segment is getting long, especially when the ending is very clear from a few miles away. Oh and Shane is managing Benoit at this point. Benoit yells about Rock attacking him on Monday and Rock Bottoming him on the hood of a car. He says he’s awesome and makes fun of Jericho. Shane says Rock can’t beat Benoit and everyone knows it, including the people. He wants the PPV title match with the same stipulations tonight.

Cue HHH and Stephanie now to keep this going. In the distraction, Benoit puts Jericho in the Crossface. HHH runs down and Pedigrees him but here’s the champ. Rock runs off Benoit and clears the ring other than Foley. Foley makes the obvious tag main event for later. Somehow that took 18 minutes to get to. Teddy Long really is a model of efficiency.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko vs. Perry Saturn

Eddie is defending and has Chyna with him here. Perry turned on Eddie on Monday, possibly due to Terri’s instructions. Eddie and Perry start fighting before Malenko gets here. Dean is Light Heavyweight Champion at this point and comes out with two women on his arms. Dean gets knocked to the floor and Chyna pops him in the face. Eddie is still in his t-shirt.

Eddie vs. Dean at the moment with Perry on the floor. Scratch that as he’s back in and it’s a two way now with Dean down. This is certainly in the usual triple threat formula already. They all fight at once for a nice change of pace but Saturn is knocked into Dean who Eddie rolls up for a fast pin to retain.

Rating: D+. It’s hard to complain when they only have about three and a half minutes to do anything here. The Radicalz were an interesting bunch because they could fight so many times but you could mix them up just enough so that things wouldn’t get too boring. The fast ending was a nice touch here too.

Post match, Perry clotheslines Chyna and hits his finisher, a modified Jackhammer. A top rope elbow is saved by Eddie, who takes it for Chyna.

We go to a pub where Edge and Christian are celebrating a win over the APA on Monday. They want to invite the Acolytes down to drink with them.

Just Joe comes in to visit the APA and can’t quite get it right.

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

This is a challenge by Kurt who gets Taker on Sunday. He wants to know why he’s been afraid of a man that rides a bicycle. Angle goes after him in the aisle which doesn’t go that well for him. Kane is still in the old school attire that he debuted in. Taker is watching in the back. Kane’s powerbomb is countered but a powerslam hits. He loads up the chokeslam but has to settle for a big boot instead. Kurt goes for the knee and Kane is in some trouble. Kane fights him off, so Kurt goes out and gets a chair which draws a DQ.

Rating: D. Too short to be anything but this was a pairing that didn’t usually work all that well. Their match at Mania a few years later never did anything for me either. That being said, this was more about Taker than anything else and that’s fine. It’s a perk you get when you have Kane around. Weak match though.

Angle destroys Kane’s knee/ankle post match.

A guy in the back asks HHH for his autograph and then asks for an autograph from Rock. HHH goes off on him. Well that happened.

Dick Butkus is going to coach an XFL team. That takes about five minutes to explain.

Hardcore Title: Steve Blackman vs. Al Snow

Steve is champion. Blackman kicks him down to start and goes to the floor to grab a trashcan lid. A fire extinguisher shot gets Snow out of trouble as well as a bucket full of sodas. Snow brings in more weapons and they do a sequence resulting in Snow’s head going between Blackman’s legs. A DDT onto a trashcan gets two for Snow. Snow loads up the bowling shirt but takes too long and gets beaten down.

Out to the floor and into the crowd now. Up by the stage and Blackman hits him in the head with a monitor. Crash Holly pops in and goes after Blackman. He takes Steve back to the ring where Blackman destroys him with nunchucks. Now Snow comes back but here’s Taz, Snow’s opponent on Sunday, to choke Snow out. Blackman pins the out cold Snow to retain.

Rating: C+. This was your run of the mill hardcore match. The run-ins were nicely done though so that adds a little to it. They did their thing though and it really wasn’t all that bad. These matches could do some entertaining stuff if you turned off your brain, which you almost had to here.

The same autograph seeker is still bothering HHH and says the Rock autograph is for his son. HHH says bring your son back here and he’ll see what he can do.

Hardy Boys/Rikishi vs. T&A/Val Venis

T&A&V? Make your own jokes. This is happening because there was something involving a ladder on Monday as Trish and Lita went up. Trish shoved Lita off and through a table so the redhead is gone for tonight. Val is IC Champion and is defending against the Fat Samoan on Sunday. Val and Jeff start us off. Off to Albert quickly and the Hardys start double teaming. T&A use their power and double team Matt down.

Off to Val who misses a dropkick to give Matt control. They’re moving very quickly out there. Val grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb for two. A powerbomb is countered into a Twist of Fate and it’s hot tag Rikishi who cleans house. He and Val fight up the aisle and the two tag teams have a small match of their own. Albert is knocked to the floor as Test hits the pumphandle slam on Matt. Jeff breaks up the cover with a Swanton though and Matt gets the pin.

Rating: C. I liked this as they were moving out there. This was a very fast paced match which is what you want in something like this. Combining two feuds into one like this is always a good thing as you can cover a lot of ground at once. The PPV matches were pretty good on top of that.

T&A destroys the Hardys post match until Lita comes out….and is promptly destroyed as well. Trish whips Lita’s bad back with a belt.

The autograph dude brings the kid to the back and HHH won’t give his kid one. Instead here’s the Fink who is going to ask about Rock’s autograph instead because Rock doesn’t like HHH.

Edge and Christian are still in the bar waiting for the APA.

The autograph seeker (he’s a production guy apparently) is with his son when Rock comes in to sign something for him. Rock signs but Benoit and Shane sneak in and put him in the Crossface. HHH stands over him because he’s an evil person.

Bull Buchanan vs. Godfather

It’s still the pimp version but he’d turn soon enough. Buchanan has just joined up with Richards it seems. Richards goes on a big rant about how you have to have rules or everything would be chaos. Godfather stands up for freedom and women before the match and now we’re finally ready to go after five minutes of chatting beforehand. They start off fast with Godfather hammering away on Buchanan in the corner. This is far more of a brawl than a match. The girls go after Richards and Stevie gets in, kicks Godfather and allows Bull to get the pin. Too short to rate but I think it did what it was supposed to do well enough.

Joe goes to talk to the APA again and Faarooq finally says let him say what he wants to say. He tells the guys about what Edge and Christian are saying. They throw Joe out and then decide to go get some beer, at a bar.

Big Bossman vs. Undertaker

Taker pounds Bossman into the corner to start and here comes Angle about 15 seconds into the match. Taker sees him and Angle runs. He comes back and has something in a bucket with the word caution on it. Kurt pours it over and it sizzles the bike. Hot wax maybe? Taker goes after him and it’s a countout.

In the back Taker goes after him but Angle jumps him with a wrench. Kane hobbles in for the save.

The APA get to the bar and the Canadians are gone. The other patrons try to fight them which fails. The APA walks out and chats for a bit before Edge and Christian jumps them from out of an alley and drive off.

Chris Benoit/HHH vs. The Rock/Chris Jericho

Rock and Jericho sprint in and here we go. The matches on Sunday pair off and it’s a war outside. Jericho and his bad ribs are dropped onto the table as the other pair is in the ring. Rock and Benoit officially start it off but the Game is in quickly. That’s a pairing that never gets old. Jericho is up on the apron and in now to pound HHH down. Trips gets in a shot to the ribs and the heels take over again.

Benoit comes back in and they work on the ribs even more by draping Jericho over the top rope. Back to HHH and the rib work continues. See how easy psychology is? Go for the injury that is right there in front of you! Jericho gets in a shot but the Lionsault eats knees. HHH takes him to the floor and slams him into various things which gets two back inside.

Jericho tries to get something going but walks into a facebuster. Now here’s a fine example of someone thinking in the ring. You’re all familiar with HHH’s facebuster where he grabs the guy’s head, jumps, and rams the opponent’s head into his own (as in HHH’s) knee. Well here HHH rams the knee INTO THE RIBS. Now THAT is a sign that someone is thinking out there. I love that. Rock finally has had enough and comes in to break up a Pedigree. Benoit takes a spinebuster but there goes the referee for the DQ.

Rating: B+. I really liked this. They had a lot of stuff going out there and the psychology was flowing and flowing hard, especially from the ring general that is HHH. He was absolutely on fire at this point and it was definitely his best period. Very fun stuff here and they even add in the ending to play up the main event on Sunday. THIS is how you book a frantic main event tag match and how it should go.

Shane comes in and gets knocked around. Rock Bottom to Benoit and there’s the Walls for HHH. Crossface to Benoit and the place is going manic. Both heels pass out to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. It took awhile to get there, but sweet Christmas I was loving the last 15 minutes of this show. The main event angles here tonight were just nailing it and I want to watch Benoit vs. Rock now, and that was a great match in its own right. Very good ending here, but the rest of it was pretty ho-hum. I want to watch the PPV now though, and for a one off show that’s pretty good.

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Monday Night Raw – February 27, 1995 – It Might Be The 100th Episode! And It Sucks!

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 27, 1995
Location: Macon Coliseum, Macon, Georgia
Attendance: 2,751
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Cornette

This is (as close as I can tell given how messed up and screwy WWE is at a simple thing like counting) the 100th episode of Raw. With the 1000th episode coming in July, I thought it might be fun to look at every 100th episode and see how things have changed. Now it’s very possible this isn’t exactly the 100th but it’s close enough. Let’s get to it.

The opening opens us up.

Tonight we’re going to hear from Lawrence Taylor himself.

The announcers chat for a bit and that siren is getting old quickly.

Lex Luger talks about the big showdown with Tatanka tonight. This started back at Summerslam where Lex was supposed to have sold out to DiBiase but it was his friend Tatanka that did it. Tatanka has jumped Lex a few times and beat up Chief Jay Strongbow as well, which of course means war.

Lex Luger vs. Tatanka

Well you can’t say they’re keeping us waiting. This is when DiBiase and his Million Dollar Team had stolen the Undertaker’s urn. Strongbow comes out with Luger. It’s a chase to start and Tatanka chops him in the corner. Lex hammers away and Tatanka hides on the floor. After a lengthy stall out there, Tatanka comes back in to hammer away. Luger no sells all of that and Tatanka goes outside again.

This time though Tatanka uses the tights of Luger to pull him through the ropes and into the barricade so Tatanka can take over. Strongbow with the full headdress is a bit distracting. A chop gets two as we take a break. Back with the racial stereotype still in control. Off to a bearhug by Tatanka which looks like some high impact cuddling. Lex, could you at least look awake?

He fights out of it and hits a suplex and this slow match somehow gets even slower. Tatanka chops away in the corner but Lex veeeeeeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooowly Huuuuuulks Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup. And now he grabs a sleeper. Are you kidding me? That used to be Strongbow’s finisher apparently so Tatanka is mad at him for not teaching it to Tatanka. The headdress is destroyed and Strongbow chops him.

Lex goes after Tatanka and takes over as we take a break. Back with Luger running over Tatanka and knocking him to the floor. Tatanka tries to walk out but Lex makes the stop. Tatanka tries to walk out again but fails AGAIN. Dude just run! Lex rams him into the buckle a bunch of times but has to stop DiBiase. Tatanka walks again and this time escapes for the countout.

Rating: D. This was like a lawnmower that kept sputtering when you pulled on the rope. It was trying to start but it kept dying every time. The constant attempts to run away and then they finally got it to work. That was kind of a letdown but the match was nothing to see in the first place. That’s almost half of the show too.

We get a clip from a battle royal on Superstars where Lawler was put out but landed on one foot. He hopped around the ring until Bret stomped on the foot on the floor.

Owen Hart vs. Larry Santo

Owen is pretty freshly out of the main event here and is still in the upper midcard. Cornette tries to tell us that Larry Santo is the son of El Santo. Santo works over the arm and Owen is having some issues to start. Larry walks into a spinwheel kick though and Owen takes over. It turns into a squash with Owen doing various painful things to Santo. A missile dropkick sets up the Sharpshooter for the tap out.

Rating: D. Just a quick squash here. Owen would I think hook up with Yokozuna soon after this to win the tag titles. He had just finished a nearly year long feud with Bret which was pretty awesome and made a couple classics in the process. Santo was a guy from SMW so no wonder Cornette had jokes about him.

Lawrence Taylor says he wasn’t being disrespectful to Bam Bam Bigelow. The idea is that at the Rumble, Bigelow and Tatanka had lost in the finals of a tag team title tournament and Taylor laughed in his face. Bigelow shoved him and this is the big Mania angle and was the main event. Taylor says he’s tired of seeing the footage. He says he’s still weighing his options and might fight him at Mania. Cornette wants to talk to Bigelow and brings him into the interview. Thank goodness because this was going nowhere. They talk trash and I Dream of Jeannie is mentioned. They’re going to meet at a cafe. This was awful.

Doink the Clown vs. Bob Cook

Cornette goes on an anti-clown rant as Dink comes in to be annoying. Dink interferes and this is just bad. It’s “comedy” don’t you know? Off to the arm as Vince talks about weight loss or something. Doink hammers on him a bit and wins with the Whoopee Cushion (seated senton splash from the top). Total squash.

Video on how Davey was in the Rumble #2 but lost to Shawn in the amazing finish. Somehow WWE.com declared this the greatest moment ever in the Rumble. There was another battle royal on Sunday and Michaels eliminated himself. Bulldog won the battle royal and next week they’re having a match.

Kama Mustafa vs. Ken Raper

What an awful last name! Can you imagine all the jokes he had to get? Imagine, being named after the dead dad in The Lion King. Kama pounds him down and we’re in another squash. He’s the Supreme Fighting Machine which means a striking master. Belly to belly sets up a modified STF to end this. Nothing, again.

Davey says he isn’t worried about Shawn and/or Sid next week.

They talk about the press conference tomorrow to wrap up the show.

Overall Rating: D-. The feature match was boring, the big promo was boring, the feature mach didn’t end anything, and the squashes were boring as well. Nothing to see at all here but it was the 100th episode (we think). Unfortunately this was an absolutely HORRIBLE time for the company as no one cared about anything. Bad show but thankfully we won’t be back here for a long time.

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NWA Central States TV – March 17, 1984 – A Good Lesson In Bad Chemistry

NWA Central States TV
Date: March 17, 1984
Location: Memorial Hall, Kansas City, Kansas
Commentators: Kevin Walters, Bill Morris

This is one of the NWA’s big territories from back in the day, but at this point it’s fallen on some hard times due to Vince’s nationwide plans. Harley Race was the big star but I think he’s moved into a management role by this point. I have no real idea what to expect here so I don’t have much else to say. Let’s get to it.

The show is called All Star Wrestling. Ok then. I’m sticking with Central States TV.

The announcers run down the card tonight. I only know a handful of these names.

Tommy Rogers vs. Scott Ferris

I’m assuming that’s the same Rogers from the Fantastics. He has a beard so it’s kind of hard to tell. Ferris is from Oregon and is the heel here. Very basic match here and the camera angle is taking some getting used to. It’s between the top and middle rope for the most part. Ferris is the bigger guy and the veteran here. He likes to drop knees it seems. Time for a bearhug because it’s the 80s. A belly to belly gets two. Scott works on the back but Rogers makes a very weak comeback. He walks into a hot shot though and a splash ends this with Ferris getting the very slow pin.

Rating: D. By today’s standards this was pretty boring and I don’t think it was all that great back then either. Ferris is a guy I’ve never really heard of but then again this is a territory so that has to be expected with a lot of them. This was really just a somewhat longer than usual squash, but Rogers would get a lot better.

Frank Leopard vs. One Man Gang

Gang is pretty new here and this is from a different area. Gordon Solie is on commentary. This is total dominance and for some reason we’re talking about Dusty Rhodes. I’d assume this is from Florida. It’s mentioned that Gang and Ron Bass are US Tag Champions so that puts this somewhere from late December of 83 to mid January of 84 in Florida. A splash ends this total squash.

Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin says he’s coming to St. Louis. He talks about an upcoming match with Chris Adams.

Tiger Mask vs. TG Stone

This is joined in progress. Stone gets knocked backwards and rolled up for two. Stone stomps away and is definitely the heel here. Tiger tries to use speed but Stone is an evil cheater who does bad things. Off to a chinlock and Stone pounds away. Most of this is just Stone pounding away on Tiger Mask. I’m assuming this is Tiger Mask I. That chinlockery continues, this time with a knee in the back.

A backdrop and a kneedrop combine to get one. Tiger Mask gets up and Hulks Up. Things get a little sloppy now as it seems like they go into a totally different match. Tiger gets up and things kind of stumble around into Stone taking him down. The masked one comes back and hits a backdrop and middle rope punch for two. A cross body gets two. Some punches and elbow drops get the same. A dropkick puts Stone down and it’s a time limit draw.

Rating: F. This was more about these two just not clicking at all. Tiger Mask is very good but he had nothing to work with here. Like I said, there’s only so much you can do in territories like these. You have guys like Stone who isn’t anything of note but he filled in a spot on a card. Bad chemistry abounded here.

Video on Bruce Reed, who is far more famous as Butch Reed. It’s a music video and all it really says is that Reed is awesome and strong. There are a LOT of shoulder blocks in this. This goes on WAY too long, as in like 5 minutes.

Chris Adams offers a rebuttal to Garvin. He’s British and from World Class where he had a long feud with Jimmy Garvin. They both had women involved. He also had two big contributions to American wrestling: he was the first big named guy to use a superkick, and he trained Steve Austin.

Wahoo McDaniel says he’s ready for his match with Harley Race for the Missouri Heavyweight Title, which was a big time title in those days.

Grapplers vs. Ted Oates

This is No DQ. The Grapplers are masked guys and Oates’ partner, Ron Richie, isn’t here yet so we’re starting with a handicap match. We’ll say that’s Grappler #1 to start. Oates fights them both off and the Grapplers regroup. We’ll say that’s #2 in there now. You really can’t tell them apart so there’s no point in trying to tell which is which. Oates hammers him down so it’s off to #1. The Grapplers run again as this has been one sided so far.

The Grapplers switch but the referee (the same one in all of the matches so far) catches him because of something about their boots. So the Grapplers tag and #1, the one that tried to cheat, comes in anyway. Oates nips up but finally gets in trouble due to the numbers advantage. The Grapplers start double teaming and here’s Bulldog Bob Brown to be Oates’ partner.

Brown tries to come in but gets shoved out for fear of a stern lecture I suppose. The Grapplers work over the leg with a spinning toe hold. Oates has finally seen Brown but #2 comes in and tries the same hold for awhile. Oates gets in a knee lift to #1 and makes the tag. Brown cleans house and wins very quickly with a belly to back suplex.

Rating: C-. Pretty basic tag match here once it got to the end. I’m not sure what the point of it was but I can’t hold that against it as I don’t know what the story was to it. Not a bad match or anything and the idea of having Oates desperately needing a tag worked well enough. Not bad and definitely the match of the show.

Brown and Oates take the Grappler down and try to find out if his boot is loaded. The other Grappler comes back and the boot goes upside Oates’ head to bust him open.

Post break Oates and Brown say they won.

Overall Rating: D. Like I said in the rating for the previous match, I’d have probably liked this a lot better if I had known some of the stories going into it. The stuff with the promos was good and I’d like of like to see some of those matches. The best way to describe this show is that the stuff that was good was good and the stuff that was bad was bad. Not the worst I’ve ever seen but it wasn’t anything great.

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WWF St. Louis – January 1, 1984 – Hulk Hogan’s Debut

WWF St. Louis
Date: January 1, 1984
Location: The Chase, St. Louis, Missouri
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gene Okerlund

Now as some of you may know, WWF would have a lot more house shows back in the day. What they would do is film these shows in their major cities and have commentary for them, then air them on local television. They did this in New York and MSG for years. They would also split these up and air them on syndicated shows. This is one from St. Louis. This is about three weeks before Hogan won the world title so it’s an era we don’t really see. Let’s get to it.

The Chase is a legendary wrestling venue in St. Louis but is actually a hotel. The NWA ran shows there for years and WWF came in at the very end to do a few months worth of shows.

Vince and Gene run down the card.

Dennis Stamp/Jerry Valiant vs. Rocky Johnson/Tony Atlas

Johnson/Atlas are tag champions but this is non-title. Stamp vs. Rocky starts us off. Rocky is called The Rock and it’s off to Atlas. Atlas hits some bad dropkicks and we’re in squash city here. Off to Valiant who is more of a brawler. Not that it does him any good as he gets knocked backwards quickly by right hands. A flying headscissors by Johnson takes Valiant down and it’s back to Tony.

Off to a test of strength because Valiant is stupid enough to try that with him. Now Atlas uses a headscissors. Symmetry people! Valiant takes him down into a chinlock as this match is getting more time than I expected it to. Back to Johnson who gets double teamed in the corner as well. And never mind as Atlas comes in, gorilla presses Stamp and splashes him for the pin.

Rating: C-. Just a long squash here but that’s what a lot of TV back then was supposed to be. Johnson and Atlas are a team that the more I see of them the more I like of them. Atlas especially as he’d be a great guy to have around today with his look and power. Decent match here and a good way to showcase the champs.

Ken Jugan vs. David Schultz

Schultz is most famous for attacking a journalist who asked if wrestling was fake. He’s known as Dr. D. Schultz grabs a headlock to begin and rides him on the mat. Jugan hasn’t gotten in a single shot yet. Schultz pulls him up after an elbow drop and keeps beating on him. Out to the floor as the beating continues. A backbreaker gets two. This is getting boring now as it’s been going on way too long. Back to the floor again as there’s nothing to talk about in this. Schultz hits various offense and Jugan gets nothing in at all. Jugan gets in some very weak punches and then gets tombstoned (called a southern piledriver) for the pin.

Rating: D-. Like I said, there’s only so much you can get out of a guy getting destroyed for this long. One thing that’s kind of different: the announcer reads the time and even says what the finishing move was. Ok he didn’t here but he did in the first place. This ran over seven minutes so you can see how it gets a bit uninteresting.

Bill Dixon vs. Hulk Hogan

Oh my goodness! Now THIS is an historic moment. This right here is Hulk Hogan’s first match back in the WWF after being gone for about four years and becoming a superstar in Rocky III. He comes out to Eye of the Tiger and is way over. Hulk would jump into the world title scene in about two weeks, winning the title in about three weeks and holding if for four years.

Actually, this is being reviewed on the anniversary of his title win so that’s appropriate. Hogan takes him to the mat with a Fujiwara Armbar ala Del Rio. Dixon hammers away but Hulk comes back with a big boot, slam and the big leg (I’m assuming making its WWF debut) ends this. Total squash but the crowd reaction tells you everything you need to know here. This is history people.

The local network president welcomes WWF to St. Louis. It lasted about two months.

Hulk says he loves St. Louis and that he’s focused on an upcoming battle royal. He wants a world title shot. Bear in mind he’s 1-0 (by his own admission) and he’s just declared himself #1 contender.

Murdoch and Adonis say they want the tag titles. They would get them in about 4 months.

Johnson and Atlas come in and say St. Louis is their home away from home.

Big John Studd says he’s awesome. He has a new manager named Magaw Maginaw. No idea who that is but he looks like Luscious Johnny V.

Jimmy Jackson vs. Big John Studd

In the words of Rocky III, “my prediction? PAIN.” Jackson tries to slam him and that goes nowhere. Studd offers him a top wristlock which goes just as well. Over the shoulder backbreaker ends this quick. Another squash.

Bill Berger vs. Ivan Putski

Putski is a Polish dude that is short but incredibly muscular. See, he’s really strong. That’s about it. And he’s Polish. This is just Putski using his strength to break almost everything and throw Berger around. Eventually the Polish Hammer (double axe to the chest) ends this.

Rating: D-. No idea what there is to say here. Putski is a pretty boring guy and this was no exception. His shoulders are huge but he has little chicken legs. Nothing really to see here and these squashes are certainly a generational thing. You couldn’t get away with this if your life depended on it.

Terry Daniels/Kevin Collins vs. Adrian Adonis/Dick Murdoch

This is probably the main event. Adonis vs. Daniels gets us going. Really I don’t know what to say here. After like 6 squashes there’s only so much you can say. Daniels is sent to the floor and thoroughly pummeled. Back in and he gets beaten up even more. Collins comes in and gets beaten up as this is really boring. Adonis puts Collins to sleep to end this.

Rating: D. See any other match already tonight to get the idea here.

Overall Rating: D+. This is a hard one to grade. There were certainly a lot of big names on here and for a TV show that aired locally, there isn’t really a lot to complain about. For the masses, this wouldn’t have been much. Most of 1984 was pretty generic stuff, but once 85 got here things took off like a rocket. Not much here, but you have to keep some specifics in mind.

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Royal Rumble Count-Up – 2006: Mark Henry Goes On After Cena?

Royal Rumble 2006
Date: January 29, 2006
Location: American Airlines Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 15,000
Commentators: Joey Styles, Michael Cole, Tazz, Jerry Lawler,

The main changes are Batista and Cena. They’ve more or less taken over the company as the biggest things in the world. Except for Batista because he’s out with an injury. Edge is the current reigning world champion though as he had more or less stolen the title at New Year’s Revolution. He’s got his rematch with Cena tonight. On the other side, Mark Henry is main eventing the show. I give up.

The other main issue is of course the death of Eddie Guerrero, which there’s been more than enough written about already. Other than that, there’s just not a lot going on here. This more or less is the first Rumble of what would be classified as the modern era, so let’s get to it.

The intro is just a recap of the major feuds. For some reason, Angle vs. Henry gets the most hype. Naturally they push Raw vs. Smackdown again. Edge is the Rated R Champion now. Lita’s stomach is the thing that dreams are made of. I’ve always wanted to say that. For reasons that no one will ever comprehend, the theme is Roman or something, which meant nothing and no one wanted to see. Stephanie in Roman clothing was nice though.

Cruiserweight Championship: Cruiserweight Open

This is the standard thing they were doing back in the day as they had completely given up on having any kind of storylines or flow to the division, so they just said screw it and threw everyone into one massive match where everyone is legal at once. In this, you have to be either the current Champion or a former champion. The participants are Kid Kash who is the champion, Paul London, Nunzio, Funaki, Gregory Helms and Jamie Noble.

London is wearing a gold mask for some reason that was never really explained. Helms is a surprise here. Oh geez there’s a Roman theme again where they have guys opening the door where people from out of the back from. It’s kind of like KOTR 96 for those of you that have seen that. Helms is from Raw here so he’s an outsider or something like that. Shockingly, the match is a pure mess to start as there are no tags or anything like that. Screw that order stuff.

London’s dropsault is stupid when it’s just one person but it’s cool when there’s two. It’s completely not effective but it looks good. Heck Rock won a bunch of world titles like that though so who cares? London looks like Tajiri for some reason. This is a pure spotfest here with nothing resembling flow or a story or anything like that, which makes sense I guess. At least they didn’t try as that would have been really stupid.

In a nice spot, Funaki whips Noble in and he launches a suicide dive through the ropes to take out two guys. You can tell a lot of these spots are preplanned but that’s fine as it’s working pretty well for what it’s supposed to be. With almost everyone else on the floor, London goes to the top rope and throws a shooting star press to the floor, more or less missing everyone and just slamming into the floor.

It looked PAINFUL and the fans give him a well deserved holy crap chant. In a cool spot that I haven’t seen before, London and Helms are on the top and Helms hits a swinging neckbreaker to get us back on the mat. It looked a lot better than it sounds.

For those of you that don’t know, Kash was a fairly big deal in ECW but other than that he’s been a minor player at best. The steps in the background are orange here so it looks like a bunch of empty seats. They get really fast in a hurry but it gets cut off too fast as Helms hits a Shining Wizard to Funaki for the pin.

Rating: B-. Now before everyone jumps on me, this isn’t the same kind of grade that I would give a normal match because this wasn’t supposed to be a standard match. This was designed to be completely insane and all spots to get the crowd awake and it worked fine. That’s the point of this and it did its job, so it gets a decent grade. There is no story to something like this and there shouldn’t be. Helms would hold the belt over a year.

Vince and Teddy long are around the Rumble drawing and Vince tells Long to leave. Naturally there are three hot women there. Orton and HHH come in and draw their numbers. Orton is happy and HHH hates his. Sex jokes abound as these two continue their eternal battle that never goes anywhere. Victoria looks incredible.

Trish is getting ready to be the referee. Mickie James says she loves her, and we have a lesbian stalker angle.

Mickie James vs. Ashley Massaro

For no apparent reason, this isn’t for the title as Trish is the referee and the champion here. They would have a decent match at Mania. This is back when Mickie was not only insane but also wore ridiculously awesome skirts. Ashley was one of the biggest flops in wrestling history as the winner of the Diva search who was just awful on a lot of levels. If nothing else we have Lillian, Mickie and Trish in the same ring. That’s not bad at all.

They have a headlock and actually go to the floor without breaking it up. That’s hard to do. Ashley can’t even lock up right. That’s almost sad. What’s sadder is that Joey has to say she’s a superstar. Oh yeah this was also when Mickie would scream her head off, which I’ve always liked for some reason. Ashley tried at least so I’ll give her that. The crowd is completely dead by the way. Mickie’s figure is flat out mesmerizing.

This is so odd to see someone with so much talent like James and someone with so little in Ashley. The thing here is that Mickie loves Trish but Trish trained Ashley. There are far too many bad submissions being done here to have a coherent match too. Ashley goes on offense and while it’s really bad, she’s trying. You can tell the different between someone that just doesn’t want to be there and Ashley, while bad, is trying.

However, her offense is either so limited or the fans like Mickie so much that they completely turn on her and boo her LOUDLY. Mickie powerbombs her out of the corner and Trish is really hesitant to count it, which is either part of the angle or then just giving up and saying let’s try to save some face here and just ending it early. Either of those would be believable to me.

Rating: C-. And that’s as generous as I can be. Ashley was bad here, but she was trying as hard as she could and I can easily respect that. Now later on when she just didn’t care, screw that. The fans turning on her like that annoyed me, but I can get what their point was. This was really just to set up Trish vs. Mickie, which is fine.

We see Helms at the WWE Interactive area, which means he’s chatting on WWE.com, which WCW had about 10 years prior to this.

More Rumble drawings with Rey and Big Show. It’s preceded by Vince checking the girls’ tattoos which is just annoying and stupid. In a funny bit, Show can’t get his hand in the tumbler to get a number out. Show is pleased and Rey is…oh screw it. They’re talking about Eddie again, which draws a huge chant and gives away the ending to the Rumble. Ok, before this comes up later, let’s just get it out of the way now.

The WWE needs to understand something. No wait, actually wrestling in general needs to understand something. When a wrestler dies unexpectedly, it doesn’t make them better. Eddie was indeed a very good if not great wrestler, but based on the things you hear about him now, you would think he was Ric Flair. He’s more about the level of Randy Orton or so. However, the undisputed champion of this is ECW with Louie Spicolli.

He was the epitome of an ok if not decent wrestler that was all of a sudden great after he died from a drug overdose. He simply was not as good as people made him out to be. For all of you ECW marks out there, show me ONE very good Spicolli match. It doesn’t even have to be great.

Show me one time where he had a great match. What was my point here? Oh yeah. Eddie was very good, but he only became considered great after dying. “KB you don’t know anything. He won the world title!” Yeah well this is 2 days after TLC and Sheamus is world champion so the belt really doesn’t prove all that much does it?

JBL vs. Boogeyman

The idea here is that JBL is terrified of Boogey. Oh and Boogey bit the “mole” off of Jillian’s face. She’s his assistant here or something like that. My goodness JBL has fallen far since winning the world title less than two years before this. It continues to amuse me when someone like Boogeyman is weighed in. And now I’m annoyed. I’ve never liked the Boogeyman character for one reason: he makes a mockery of wrestling.

Now yes, there’s a lot of stupid characters and while I tend to dislike the majority of them, when they can have a decent match, it’s almost acceptable. Boogeyman couldn’t do that, so when he does stuff like eat worms, then spit them up and spit them down into Jillian’s mouth, I have no use for him at all. It continues to have stupidity attached to it as we have to hear about how disgusted the announcers are.

Seriously, the Four Horsemen are in the same business as this guy. That’s just ridiculous. Thankfully, this lasts about a minute and a half, as after a stupid brawl where Boogey sells nothing at all, JBL misses a Clothesline From JBL and somehow slams into the post in a completely awful looking spot. A pumphandle slam ends it.

Rating: F-. This would usually be an N/A, but this was just a complete and utter waste of time. Seriously, why did this need to happen? I know it took less than 5 minutes, but really, there was NOTHING else we could have used that for? I hate gimmicks like these, I truly do.

Vince hits on the girls more and you can see they hate it. Shelton’s mama shows up. This was a freaking stupid gimmick where Shelton’s mom showed up to make sure he was taken care of. It was some comedienne that no one has ever heard of in a fat suit. You figure out how well it worked. Melina shows up and gets hit on too. Mama prevents him from hitting on her.

MNM, Joey Mercury and Johnny “Morrison” Nitro show up to draw as well. Both seem fairly middle of the road with their numbers. Melina says they’ll eliminate Shawn. We finish this long segment off with more Vince hitting on the girls. They eventually became a stable called Vince’s Devils. Yeah it went nowhere.

Before the Rumble starts, we have the Spirit Squad. Now for those of you that weren’t around for these guys, they were male cheerleaders that won the tag titles from Kane and Big Show. Amazingly everyone said the only one with talent was Kenny Dykstra. The one known as Nick became known as Dolph Ziggler. What does that tell you? Lillian is jaw dropingly hot here.

Royal Rumble

Lillian flubbing her lines is somehow sexy. How is that possible? HHH is number one and Rey is number two. Well you certainly can’t say they’re using no names to start us out. This is big match that’s never happened before. Oh the intervals are 90 seconds here. Oh here we go Rey is driving a lowrider. HEY, WE GET IT ABOUT FREAKING EDDIE! I wouldn’t be so annoyed about it, but seriously, he brought up Eddie in the BATISTA feud.

Oh look he draped an Eddie shirt on the car. This is freaking ridiculous because it’s obvious Rey is going to win here for the sake of “honoring Eddie.” Rey’s entrance reaches Taker levels of time. He does the ten punches in the corner and looks up before he does it. This is freaking ridiculous and we’re just hitting number 3 which is Simon Dean. Cole, who is doing the commentary with Lawler, FREAKS because a Smackdown guy is attacking a Smackdown guy.

They team up and eliminate him easily. Have I mentioned that I hate the Bronco Buster? Psicosis of the Mexicools is 4th. They were a team of Mexican stereotypes who rode lawnmowers. I wish I was making that up. Rey counters a Razor’s Edge to put him out with ease again so we stay with those two guys. Number 5 is Flair of all people. He trips coming into the ring as Rey is down for no apparent reason.

Flair and HHH hammer on each other for awhile as I think HHH is a heel here. Oh yeah he would be. That was a stupid comment. He and Flair feuded over the IC belt of all things in some decent matches. You know for a guy that was allegedly the biggest ladies man ever, he used a lot of testicular claws. He’s gone soon after and we’re back at 2 people. Big Show is 6th so hopefully we get people in here for awhile.

He’s mad at HHH also, which is still going on today, which works as it’s been less than five years ago so a feud can easily go on that long. Naturally Show dominates here. With an eyeroll from me, Coach is number 7. Why did he always get spots in the Rumble? Show puts him out in about 30 seconds. Show demonstrates his intelligence by having HHH above his head twice and not even getting close to the ropes.

The announcers say that Coach might have set a record for shortest time in the Rumble. That’s so stupid I’m not even going to bother making fun of it. Lashley is 8th and they say he could be a dark horse. Can I get a rim shot? He’s a rookie phenomenon here, meaning that his career wouldn’t mean much since Vince refused to ever pull the trigger on him, even though he tried. In an impressive move, he gets a backdrop on Show as Kane, who is currently tag champions with Show, is 9th.

He and Lashley square off in a match of two guys that will never win a world title in WWE again. In a very impressive looking spot that wasn’t really that impressive, he hits the Dominator on Kane. Rey has been down WAY too long for no apparent reason. Sylvan, playing a gay character who doesn’t actually say he’s gay is 10th. He’s the fashion consultant or something. Yeah he’s gone in about 30 seconds.

Show and Kane hit a double chokeslam on Lashley and throw him out. So HHH and Rey are more or less just laying on the mat for about 5-6 minutes at a time which is again, stupid. HHH puts Kane and Big Show out, thus reaffirming his theory that he could out fight God if he had to.

Carlito is 11th, as other than the first two guys, no one has lasted 10 minutes yet. I really don’t like this theory of only having a few guys in there for the majority of the match. The Rumble should have about 6-7 guys in the ring for the majority of the match. It’s just right and it allows for things to not be too boring but also not too weak. Benoit is 12th as we’re picking up a bit.

He chops and suplexes the heck out of everyone just because he’s Chris Benoit and they’re not. Carlito gets a crossface for good measure as Benoit is freaking awesome. He and HHH fight over a suplex with Benoit on the apron which was cool looking if nothing else. The Canadian fights out of that and hits the headbutt on HHH so Carlito can get back up. Booker is 13th and the US Champion at the moment.

He’s wearing long tights which looks odd indeed. He would become king in a few months. Yep Booker is gone already, naturally by Benoit as those two were eternally joined at the hip for some reason. Apparently 20 minutes or so is a long time now. So the most we’ve had is what, 5 people I believe?

Mercury of MNM is 14th and since he brings Melina with him, he’s awesome. I love the way they carried the belts as they hung them from their pants so they swung between their legs. It’s original if nothing else. Mercury really is underrated in the ring. He’s a lot better than people realize. Cole brags about setting ratings records on UPN. That’s just hilarious. Tatanka is 15th to ZERO reaction.

He returned for a few months and no one, I mean NO ONE cared at all. His offense has somehow gotten even more generic if that’s possible which I didn’t think it was. The fans do the Florida St. Seminole chant to try to validate his entrance. Nitro is 16th. More commonly known as John Morrison if you’re not familiar. Tatanka beats on him, which somehow validated Matt Hardy and Tatanka vs. MNM on PPV in a non title match. You read that right.

The fans chant Eddie to just tick me off even more. Only Vince would manage to use death to push storylines. Trevor Murdoch is 17th. To recap we have HHH, Rey, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, Murdoch and for some reason Tatanka. Cole takes a lull to mention that Rey is dedicating this match to Eddie. Eugene is 18th, and is booed out of the freaking building. He’s a classic case of a comedy character being used badly.

Rey hurts him to get a solid pop. For the love of all goodness Animal of the LOD is 19th. Seriously, who picked these people? Oh apparently the new LOD are the long time rivals of MNM. You know, the team that’s been around for a few months. There are WAY too many people in there right now. RVD is 20th to a HUGE pop. Thankfully for the first time in history the company listened to the pop and made him world champion in June before he smoked his way out of the main event.

Oh yeah this was the summer that ECW returned. He cleans house of course. MNM is doing the Demolition thing of teaming up on everyone which is smart. Animal is out thank goodness. Orlando Jordan is 21st and I somehow manage to lose even more interest in this match. There are FAR too many people in the ring at the moment. Chavo is 22nd. Ok, him I have no problem with doing the pointing thing. There’s your difference between Chavo and Rey.

Chavo won a match with JBL on the Eddie tribute show, pointed to the sky a few times, and started using the frog splash. He’s mentioned Eddie a few times over the years, but for the most part he’s just said that he’s a Guerrero which he would have been no matter what. He had one angle with Rey over the Guerrero name, which made sense when you thought about it. That’s perfectly fine.

Then you have Rey, who used the splash, drove a lowrider, blew one up, pointed to the sky and dedicated about a year’s worth of matches to Eddie, using him as an angle and getting the world title because of it. He still mentions Eddie for storylines 4 years after Eddie passed away. There’s paying homage then there’s just being freaking ridiculous. What does Chavo get for being more humble about it? He lasts a minute here while Rey lasts an hour.

Of course Chavo shouldn’t have won or been in the last group or anything, but would 10-15 minutes have killed anyone? Seriously, Tatanka can get a long time but Chavo can’t? Matt Hardy is 23rd. There’s like 12 people in there right now and it’s absurd. You can’t see anything in there at the moment either. Tatanka FINALLY goes out as Super Crazy is 24th. What is the point of half these guys being in here?

Shawn is 25th to a nice pop. He gets pyro when he comes out which is odd in a Rumble match. He ends Murdoch to thin the ranks out a bit. Chris Masters, who is more or less a newcomer at this point, somehow gets pyro also at 26th. I’m not even bothering to try to tell who all is in there at this point. Nothing of note is happening anyway. Viscera, currently the world’s largest love machine is 27th.

He puts out the far more talented Matt Hardy, but not before giving him the Visagra, which is where the other guy is on his stomach and Viscera gets on top of them and gyrates his hips. Yeah it’s worse than it sounds. Shelton is in next along with his mother. This is somehow stupider than I thought it was going to be. Eugene is gone, leaving a huge pool of sweat on the mat beneath him.

They’re really speeding up the intervals here to get through this. Goldust, who is returning for like the 12th time is 29th. That leaves Orton as number 30. Rey puts Crazy out as Orton comes out last. Ok, so your final group is Rey, HHH, Carlito, Benoit, Mercury, Nitro, RVD, Jordan, Shawn, Masters, Viscera, Shelton, Goldust and Orton. Yeah that’s not too many people at all. Screw the sarcasm. YES IT’S TOO MANY PEOPLE!

Geez do you think 14, or just under half of the people being left at the end is enough? Why don’t we just get rid of the whole unique aspect of the freaking match and make it a regular battle royal like the classic World War 3 series that WCW used to do? Those things went great didn’t they? Blast it Vince how hard is it to book a freaking Rumble? You have about 7-8 guys in at the end, 5-6 of them are big names and two or three jobbers.

Three are legit contenders, three are dark horses, and two are jobbers. There, that took 8 seconds to come up with. Orton puts Benoit out which Cole says is a rematch from Summerslam two years ago. More like a year and a half but who cares about facts? Carlito and Masters put out Viscera and then Carlito throws out Masters. Goldust takes forever to set up Shattered Dreams but at least manages to kick that turnbuckle really well.

RVD puts him out just before Orton puts out Jordan. Shawn and HHH go at it to keep the balance of the universe in order. Shawn puts out both of MNM within 5 seconds of each other to further kill the tag division which HHH and Shawn are the current champions of as of this being written. Sweet Chin Music puts out Shelton as Shawn is on a roll. Vince’s music hits as he and Shawn were feuding at the moment. He distracts Shawn so Shane can put Shawn out.

That leaves us with Rey, HHH, Carlito, Orton and RVD. Well I’m glad they took their time getting rid of the people. Shawn goes after Shane but HHH stops him but gets chin music. HBK chases the McMahons out because he’s a face and they’re heels. Van Dam puts Carlito out to give us our final four of Rey, HHH, Orton and RVD. RVD was returning so he wasn’t going to win.

HHH and Orton were possible and Rey was the clear winner so there we go. They split off with HHH vs. Rey and Orton vs. RVD. The faces hit some nice double team stuff to hurt the heels. Van Dam shows how stupid he is by going for a Five Star and gets put out. Orton and HHH get together for no apparent reason other than to beat up a guy that’s 5’5. However, Rey is empowered by the memories of a guy that he feuded with so he takes them both down.

Orton fights HHH. Rey puts out HHH and it’s officially inevitable. Rey gets beaten up by HHH to just further make us take note of how awesome Rey is. Orton acts cocky and yeah Mysterio is going to Mania. Orton would get in and make it a triple threat where Rey would win the title and of course, dedicate it to Eddie since that’s all he’s allowed to do.

Rating: D. Eddie oversaturation aside, this Rumble sucked and it sucked hard. The booking was way off here as there were far too few guys in the ring at first and far too few in the end. The Rey thing annoys the heck out of me as people like to say RIP Eddie, yet they have zero problem with his history being exploited for the sake of bad storylines. Rey was passable as champion, but let him get there on his own and not because a guy died. That’s just stupid.

Other than that, WAY too many jobbers and fillers in there, which kind of reflects on the company as a whole. Seriously, why did Booker and Lashley stay in there for just a bit? To be fair, Booker was hurt so that might explain it. Either way, this match was awful in a lot of ways and I hated it quite a bit.

Rey is happy with his win.

We recap Cena vs. Edge, which was a result of the first cashing in of the Money in the Bank in a truly shocking moment. This was a huge thing as Cena was completely dominant and everyone was TICKED when he held the title again after the Elimination Chamber.

But when Vince’s music went on, everyone knew what was coming and it was awesome. Naturally Cena insisted on a rematch and talked about respect and having the title mean a lot to him. This was also the reign with the live sex celebration that apparently made Edge’s career better than Taker’s.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Edge

So the scaffolds from the ceiling begin to lower. Smoke and lights and pyro go off. Styles says it looks like a spaceship. Yep, Cena is getting a special entrance that of course looks awesome. More or less his feet are where the top of his head would be if he was walking normally. Yeah there’s nothing at all that’s being implied about who wins here at all. Lita of course looks completely amazing. If nothing else I’ve heard Edge’s theme live so that’s cool.

For the love of all goodness, change the spinner belt. The W is spun almost halfway around and it just looks stupid. It starts off with their standard stuff which is traditionally good. Cena starts off in control but thanks to Lita Edge hits a spear into the steps, which more or less proves that he desperately needs a new finisher. We go into the crowd for just a bit but it goes nowhere. Cena dives in to beat the ten count which if nothing else looked cool.

Edge goes old school with his spinning heel kick. Why is Joey Styles the only commentator that mentions the referee’s names consistently? Cena can sell really well if nothing else. Good night Lita’s chest is amazing. The announcers get into an interesting argument: who is the better technical wrestler? That’s a most interesting question that’s going to get a thread soon. Edge’s facials remain awesome as ever. The crowd is fairly loudly booing John here.

Edge chokes Cena so of course despite being put in a hold that should kill him or would end any MMA fight, he gets up with ease. Both guys are down so we get another few shots of Lita’s chest to fill time. Following some botched interference from the hot chick, the FU and STFU give Cena the belt again. That was abrupt.

Rating: B. Eh, this was what it was. Cena and Edge work together just fine so their matches are almost always passable. Edge was more or less given the title as a test run and that’s fine. He got his name in there and that’s what counts. Cena was definitely the right choice to have the belt going into Mania so I have no issues with the booking here. The match was fine and it came off well. It’s nothing great but it’s fine for a title change that goes 15 minutes.

In case you were wondering, Rey is still happy that he won.

We do a very quick, as in about 10 second long recap of Angle vs. Henry, which consists of Henry breaking the ankle lock, which had been done by about 15 people up to this point, but it’s impressive here because of POWER. Angle was a transitional champion if there ever was one.

He took over when Batista got hurt (shocking isn’t it?) so he’s held the title less than three weeks at this point. Angle does his usual solid promo and then comes back to tell Henry he sucks. That’s what makes Angle better than most. He would head to TNA later in the year and be a huge coup for TNA.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry

So Daivari used to hang out with Angle but he dumped him for Henry for no apparent reason. Soon after this Khali would show up. Yeah Angle is introduced as the new World Heavyweight Champion here. That’s the beauty of having guys like Angle or Shawn on your roster.

If something like an injury happens, you can throw the title on them for a quick fix and because they hang around the upper midcard with occasional main event matches, it’s perfectly believable to put the belt on them and no one really had a problem with Angle as champion. We get a fairly long feeling out period, but Henry catches Angle in position for the World’s Strongest Slam. Naturally though instead of slamming him though, he throws him to the floor.

More or less Henry beats the heck out of Angle for awhile as you would expect. Good night Henry you’ve been in the company ten years at this point. Don’t you think it’s time you learned some new offense? I mean really, we know you can slam, club, punch and squeeze. LEARN ANYTHING NEW. Angle gets a bad German, but to be fair, look what he’s working with. Angle Slam gets two. Henry powers out of the ankle lock using the same counter that everyone else uses to knock the referee down.

Angle gets a bad chair shot to Daivari and takes it into the ring. The chair is bent which always looks cool. Angle goes Hogan and cheats but remains a face. Two decent chair shots put Henry down but the fans are more or less dead here. They of course get two which gets a decent pop. I really don’t get the point of the chairs this early in the match. Angle pulls the turnbuckle pad off the middle turnbuckle and sends Henry’s head into it on a reversal for the pin. Really? That’s the best you’ve got?

Rating: D-. I have no freaking clue what they were going for here, but it was just an epic failure. Henry had no business being in there but he came off looking like a far bigger face than Angle did. It was really short, and I have no idea what the point was of this main eventing the show. Oh wait. Now I get it.

A gong goes off and the lights go purple. Ok, Taker has druids and a horse drawn chariot. That makes up for the main event. He signals that he wants the belt and sets off lightning. The ropes fall to the ground and the ring collapses as Angle holds the belt to his chest as we go off the air. Ok, that was freaking cool.

Overall Rating: C-. This was a very lackluster show. I know a lot of people will love the Eddie tributes etc. but I HATED them. One or two points to the sky and some frog splashes are just fine but seriously, giving the Rumble and ultimately the world title to a guy over Eddie? That’s WAY too much. Other than that, there’s just nothing special here at all. Edge and Cena is pretty easily the match of the night.

This show really was more about setting up for the future though, as Cena had to get the belt back and Angle had to get set up with Taker, which they managed to accomplish both. This really started setting the table for Mania, so that’s fine, but the show just wasn’t that interesting. Not recommended at all really, although some people might like it.

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Monday Nitro – November 18, 1996 – Easy E Turns

Monday Nitro #62
Date: November 18, 1996
Location: Florence Civic Center, Florence, South Carolina
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, Larry Zbyszko, Bobby Heenan, Eric Bischoff

We have finally arrived at something interesting. This is one of the shows where something actually happens and it happens at the end of the show. I know that’s kind of spoiling it, but this was over 15 years ago so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The matches tonight look like their usual uninteresting selves, but we’ll get to those as they come. Let’s get to it.

The show opened at like 7:55 this week, which was annoying for fans. Either way it opened with the NWO laying out various people with chairs and then taking over the announcers’ table. They intimidate Tony and Larry and talk about the triangle match. Two of the guys that are laid out are the Nasty Boys. Hall talks about the Faces of Fear and they walk out. The Faces of Fear jump them in the back and the Outsiders get knocked out the door.

Oh I forgot: this is the go home show for World War 3.

After a break, Tony says the attack was during a dark match. They air part of it but not the chair parts. Tony goes off on Larry for not getting in the Outsiders’ faces and walks off the broadcast. MAN this show just got a lot better!

Juventud Guerrera vs. La Parka

Larry has to hold the commentary himself here and is cool with that. Mike Tenay comes out a few moments into the match. Juvy hits a hard clothesline to take over and Parka breakdances up. This is La Parka’s WCW debut according to Tenay who wasn’t a loud annoying man at this point so I’ll listen to him. Out to the floor and Parka hits a suicide dive. They both go up top but Parka gets crotched and a springboard rana gets two for Juvy.

Lionsault Press gets two for Juvy but a springboard is countered by a dropkick by La for two. Out to the floor and Parka hits a plancha. There’s a surfboard by La Parka. I still love that move. Juvy hits a missile dropkick for two. There are multiple empty seats on the side opposite the hard camera. Juvy hits a springboard rana for two. Why isn’t the crowd more into this? This has been a pretty solid match.

A spinning victory roll into a rana gets two. La Parka goes up but misses a Swanton Bomb. Juvy Driver is countered into a messy small package for two. A DDT gets two for Guerrera. This is a shockingly good match. Juvy grabs a tornado DDT out of nowhere for two. These are some very close twos and the crowd could not care less. You uncultured swine. Guerrera goes up for a spinning rana but Parka holds the ropes and hits a reverse Whisper in the Wind (Jeff Hardy’s inspiration?) for the pin after about twelve minutes.

Rating: B. I might be overrating that but man I was getting into this at the end. Also points for surprise value here as who would have expected one of the most interesting TV matches in months from these two? This wasn’t a technically sound match and it’s not a classic or anything, but it was fun and they had me wanting to see who was going to win. That right there means a lot and probably means more than anything else a match can do. Very fun stuff.

Quick video on how Ultimo Dragon won the J-Crown Title.

Cruiserweight Title: Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon

Rey gets an inset interview, wanting a rematch with Dean. Dragon grabs the leg to take him down. Rey vs. Dragon on Sunday. They trade rollups and the Tiger Suplex, the move that would eventually get Dragon the title, gets two. Spinwheel kick puts Dean down and they head to the floor. Back in and Dean goes for the leg, hooking up the Cloverleaf. That draws in Sonny and in the melee, Dean throws Dragon over the top for the DQ.

Rating: C-. This was kind of puzzling to me. I mean, I get that they can’t put the title on Dragon yet because they were saving that for Starrcade, but at the same time, what was the point in this match at all? Both guys have matches on Sunday, but this doesn’t make either of them look weak or strong. I don’t really get it.

We recap last week with the French Canadians and the Heat, which we could barely see last week due to the Nasty Boys.

Amazing French Canadians vs. American Males

Parker is now dressed as a member of the French Foreign Legion. Also on Sunday it’s the Canadians vs. the Heat and if the Heat win, Sherri gets five minutes with Parker. Oulette vs. Bagwell gets us going. The Males clear the ring to start and it’s off to Riggs vs. Jacques. Jacques does some nip-ups for exercise I guess and grabs a headlock. My goodness Tenay is so much nicer to listen to than Tony.

We get to the important part of the match with the Males colliding to give us miscommunication, which is the whole reason they’ve been around more often lately. Rougeau slams Oulette onto Riggs as the Canadians dominate. Now we get some Canadian miscommunication and Bagwell comes in to clean house. Riggs gets in the way, kneeing Rougeau in the back to send him into Bagwell. Their heads collide and Jacques gets the pin.

Rating: D+. The match was ok I guess but I absolutely do not care about either of these teams. They’re not interesting at all but thankfully the Males will split soon. As for the Canadians….why? What is the appeal of them? They would show up again in the WWF in the Attitude Era for some reason. I still don’t get why but whatever.

Hugh Morrus vs. Lex Luger

Luger has been racking everyone in sight lately and they’re usually big guys. I wonder if we’ll see the same here. Nah I’m betting on Morrus. Anderson has even more to say about Luger, more or less the same things he’s been saying all month. I’d almost rather watch the Baltimore card they keep talking about than the PPV. The fans want Sting. Flair is going to be at the Baltimore show apparently.

Morrus hammers away on Luger with the power moves. This is the same match Luger has been doing lately but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Luger makes his comeback with a back elbow but runs into one of his own. Hugh goes up but misses a splash. There’s the call for the Rack and there’s the submission. There’s some confusion here as Luger doesn’t quite have him up but in the half second he did, Morrus tapped. Luger didn’t realize it though so he tried it again. He yelled when the referee stopped him and I think he thought it was a DQ or something.

Rating: D. Pretty basic power match here as Luger continues his march through every big man in the company on his way to World War 3 where he’d do quite a bit of tossing out big men. The story for him was pretty well written so I can’t complain much about it. Decent enough match here but about as predictable as you could ask for.

Luger wants to win the battle royal and then the title from Hogan. And here comes Sting. The bat is red here and Sting shoves Luger back with it. Then he hands it to Luger and walks away. Luger says nothing and we go to a break.

Hour #2 begins.

We look at a clip from Saturday Night where Patrick and his attorney. Long and Jericho come in and after a weak set of arguing, Jericho vs. Patrick is set for Sunday with Jericho having one arm behind his back.

Chris Jericho vs. Johnny Grunge

I guess this is a warmup match for Sunday. Everyone is asking Heenan about Jericho apparently. That man gets talked to a lot. Nick Patrick is here scouting. As for the match, what exactly are you expecting? It’s Johnny Grunge vs. Chris Jericho. Jericho comes back with a spinwheel kick to send Grunge to the floor. Back in a release Stun Gun puts Chris down. Grunge brings in a chair and drops Jericho onto it. Somehow that isn’t a DQ but a backdrop over the top is. Go figure. Now he brings in a table and accidentally puts himself through it. A missile dropkick by Jericho ends this.

Rating: D. Well this was different. I guess they really wanted to put Jericho over strong here as DQ rules don’t seem to apply to him. Just a very strange match (a running theme tonight) with Grunge using a bunch of stuff that you don’t often see in a regular match but it wasn’t terrible.

Jericho says nothing of note but Teddy Long comes out and ups that by really saying nothing of note.

Here’s the NWO at the broadcast booth. Heenan bails and Hogan makes Bischoff say a bunch of things that aren’t exactly true but Hogan wants to hear.

Page comes out and says he’s still not NWO. The NWO comes up to him and Page turns them down again.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Bobby Eaton

This should be good. Jarrett messes with Eaton’s hair to start and that’s just asking for trouble. A punch sends Bobby to the floor and Eaton goes into the post. Jarrett hooks the Figure Four for the quick tap and here’s Flair. Match was like a minute long.

Flair endorses Jarrett post match. Also Jarrett says we need to unite. Sting is watching and Flair says Jarrett is a Horseman.

Big Bubba vs. Jim Powers

No Teddy with Powers now so I guess that association is over. Eric seems to avoid the Piper subject. Bubba hits the slide under the rope uppercut and off to a weak chinlock. Bubba dominates for awhile until Powers gets the standard jobber offense in. And there’s the Bossman Slam to end it. Just a squash.

Eddie Guerrero vs. Chris Benoit

These two had a lot of matches on this show. Woman is looking good tonight. They immediately go to the mat and Eric tries to keep up with them. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets some control for Eddie but Benoit tries the same, only to be countered. Benoit takes it to the mat and hooks the Crossface which isn’t a big move yet. Sullivan says he’ll be waiting in Baltimore.

Slingshot hilo gets two for Eddie. They go to the mat where Benoit takes over. Off to something kind of like a reverse hammerlock followed by some modified Rings of Saturn. A powerbomb is countered into a sunset flip by Eddie for two. We take a break and come back with Benoit getting a few two counts. Gorilla press puts Eddie down.

Top rope superplex by Benoit puts both guys down and gets two for the Canadian. Eddie grabs a small package and Saito Suplex to set up the Frog Splash. Benoit moves but Eddie rolls through. Standing rana by Eddie is rolled through into a sunset flip and a fast count wins for Chris.

Rating: C+. Decent match here which was a nice change of pace from what we’ve had for the most part tonight. The ending was good if a little rushed. These two have had so many matches that they could probably have a decent one blindfolded, so that always helps. Fun stuff before we get to the serious part.

Eric is in the ring and says that he’s sorry for what Hogan made him say. Gee, you mean a wrestling announcer lied? Anyway, he says he tried to get Piper to sign to face Hogan but couldn’t. They’re going to keep trying though. Cue Piper for I believe his first appearance on Nitro. He says he’s never heard so many lies in his life. Well other than when he was talking of course. Piper is glad to be back in the Carolinas. His son was born here.

Piper quotes LL Cool J of all people to say Bischoff is lying. Eric is noticeably nervous. Piper talks about Eric coming to Portland and talking to his managers. He asks Eric if the road to Piper’s ranch is crooked or straight. Eric nervously says he doesn’t remember and here’s the NWO. Hogan and Eric hug, and Eric is NWO. Hogan flat out says Eric works for them. The Outsiders hold him and Hogan says how awesome he is. We’ve got cops in here as well as security and they break things up. Tenay and Heenan freak and Piper says he’ll have the contract ready at World War 3 to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. This was much better than last week as they had a very nice blend of the drama and the wrestling, which was the hallmark of WCW. World War 3 would pretty much suck but that was the tendency for most of their PPVs. Piper vs. Hogan didn’t quite set the world on fire but it got people watching and set up Hogan’s dominance of 97 so that’s a good thing for them.

Here’s World War 3 if you’re interested:

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World War 3 1996 – This Wasn’t Very Good

World War 3 1996
Date: November 24, 1996
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 10,314
Commentators: Dusty Rhodes, Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Once again we’re going to do the three ring battle royal with the winner getting the title shot just after Starrcade. The entire roster is in that pretty much plus a ton of guys that are never on TV at all. We also have a man vs. woman match and Jericho vs. a referee. Yeah you can really tell how much thought there is in this show. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is just a basic rundown of what’s on the card tonight. The announcers wonder why Bischoff is trying to slow down the contract signing between Hogan and Piper. Something tells me this is going to dominate the conversation tonight.

J-Crown: Ultimo Dragon vs. Rey Mysterio

The J-Crown was a collection of 8 cruiserweight titles from around the world, one of which being the WWF Light Heavyweight Title which was active since the 80s and only defended in Japan and Mexico. Therefore, a WWF Title id being defended here on a WCW PPV. It also gave us this:

Seriously, how sweet does that look? There’s just a pile of championships in the corner. How awesome is that? He has so many belts he just piles them up. Ah apparently Bischoff has already joined the NWO. Good to know. We start off in a mat based match which is kind of odd but it can work. How weird is it to think that Rey would become a two time world champion?

Now they crank it up and get a nice ovation for it. WCW fans could always appreciate good wrestling and this was no exception. Dragon is dominating here which makes sense as he was pushed as a really different kind of cruiserweight that could mix it up incredibly well. Heenan sounds like he’s on speed here as he’s talking so fast. Dragon hits a powerbomb but picks Rey up again and throws him backwards into a hot shot. NICE.

We go WAY old school with a giant swing. Someone really needs to look at Bobby’s monitors. They’re always on the blink. The crowd loves Rey here. Pay no attention to that though. He’s a small guy of Mexican descent. He can’t ever mean anything. This is basically Dragon does a big move and Rey gets up every time. Rey could sell like few others so this is certainly good.

I’ve never gotten the order of the rings at these shows. It seems like they have this obsession with how many rings there are here and there and it never works. There’s no Mike Tenay for this either, which makes the commentary more annoying than helpful. Rey kind of botches some stuff but nothing too bad. A springboard sunset flip gets two for Rey. Good freaking night that man could move back in the day. After they crank it up again, Rey goes for the West Coast Pop but Dragon counters into a slingshot powerbomb to retain the pile of belts. They say Malenko is next.

Rating: B. This was solid again and one more time the cruiserweights set the table for what could be a promising show. Dragon was definitely a different kind of cruiserweight back then as he used more power and leverage stuff rather than high flying and it worked very well. He and Malenko had some very good stuff coming up that we’ll get to soon enough. Quite good match.

There’s a new WCW.com. Remember that this is in 1996 so I wouldn’t expect much. Mark Madden is the commentator person there.

DDP, looking like he more traditionally would, is being recruited by the NWO. Him never saying yes is what made him one of the few heroes in WCW fans’ eyes. He denies being associated with Bischoff other than being his neighbor and says he’ll win the battle royal with a BANG.

Chris Jericho vs. Nick Patrick

Patrick has been an evil referee that has screwed Jericho over a few times and this is revenge time. Jericho has Teddy Long as his manager which didn’t last long. He also has to have one arm behind his back. We hear about Nick Patrick’s wrestling career which also didn’t last long. It’s the left arm here so this should be dominance. Patrick cuts a short promo and we find out why he’s a referee.

Patrick is in a sleeveless shirt and is in the NWO here. He also has a neckbrace. With one arm, Patrick wants a test of strength. That whole wrestling background falls apart pretty quickly here as it’s all Jericho who puts on a clinic with one arm. It’s all Jericho as we go to the floor. Jericho misses a clothesline into the post though and Patrick takes over for a bit. Since his offense does nothing though, we’re kind of just wasting time here. Jericho channels his inner Shawn Michaels for a superkick to end it. This was the first pinfall loss for the NWO on PPV, four months after they debuted.

Rating: D+. Pretty boring but they came up with some fairly creative spots to let Patrick get some offense in. This was just kind of pointless though as there was no challenge at all for Jericho and it just kind of fell flat. It could have been FAR worse though.

Flair comes out for an interview. He’s hurt here so he’s off the card. Even with his arm in a sling the guy looks like a million bucks. On the radio a few months ago one of the hosts said they ran into him in Florida and that Flair could not have looked better, smelled better or have been a nicer guy. That’s always good to hear about guys like Flair who comes off as a jerk at times. He talks about a ton of guys and how this is about WCW and not the NWO. He guarantees the NWO will lose and stops to dance in between. That was awesome. Old guys can talk.

Giant vs. Jeff Jarrett

This was supposed to be Flair last month but since he was hurt then too they brought Jarrett in but he couldn’t do a thing with Giant. Giant stole the US Title belt from Flair who was champion but had it stripped from him for lack of defenses in 30 days. Jarrett is booed out of the building despite being Flair’s pick to fight Giant. Jarrett has been bragging that he didn’t get chokeslammed last month. Yeah that’s his big claim to fame at the moment.

The crowd is all over Jarrett here and loudly cheering for Giant. We hear about how Hogan got Giant into the NWO by promising him movie parts etc and sure enough Giant was in the movie Jingle All The Way which was in theaters the weekend of this show. Sting is up in the rafters and the show pretty much stops dead because of it. He comes down the steps and it’s hard to tell if he’s the real one or not. Giant misses a Vader Bomb and Jarrett takes him down with a cross body.

That might be the real Sting. He takes Jarrett out while Giant is on the floor. A chokeslam ends it. We’re of course told that Sting is clearly in the NWO now, which wouldn’t be officially answered until about March.

Rating: C-. Much better than their match last month as Jarrett didn’t try to come straight at him here and it looked like he was thinking more. Also Giant sold more of his stuff and it looked a lot better on that front too. This was just a pawn in the huge Sting chess game and on that worked very well, so definitely did its job.

Piper comes out with a contract in his hand. Bobby suggests that Piper is a bigger movie star than Hogan. I’ll leave that for you guys. Bischoff, Vincent and DiBiase come out sans Hogan. The next night Bischoff would say either join us or have your contracts voided which went nowhere but it got Bagwell to join.

Bischoff has power of attorney for Hogan so he can sign for Hogan. In a great bit of continuity, Piper shoves Vincent aside and tells him that he taught Vincent how to fight. Piper trained Vincent (Virgil in case that doesn’t ring a bell) to fight for his first match back in 1991. Piper says he can wear a leather jacket because he’s tough enough to unlike Bischoff. Piper really does come off as a tough guy here and this really did feel big. The problem was he actually had to wrestle.

Piper more or less says he doesn’t care about a count out or a DQ but just winning and here’s Hogan, Liz, Hall, Nash, Syxx and Giant. Bobby thinks Piper is outnumbered. I wonder if it was the 9-1 odds that made him think that. Hogan gets on the mic and lifts Piper’s skirt, showing the scar Piper has from a hip replacement. Why not just hold a big sign above their heads saying OLD GUYS?

Hogan signs the contract which Piper brought with him. For no apparent reason the match was NON title and when Piper won with a sleeper, he didn’t win the title. To say the fans were ticked would be an understatement. Piper jumps Hogan but gets caught. Hogan gets a chair and hits the weakest chair shot ever to the scar. Good to see the NWO is only taking ten minutes on this segment.

The Amazing French Canadians vs. Harlem Heat

The Canadians are more commonly known as the Quebecers from WWF. They’re managed by Colonel Parker and the Heat by Sherri. If the heat win there’s a match between the managers. Something tells me this isn’t going to be that good. Jacques, who was on New Blood Rising, sings the national anthem of Canada. I say sing loosely. He and Booker start. Please let this go fast.

To my great shock, we talk about Piper and Hogan for the opening of the match. Parker is dressed up as a French Legionnaire now and somehow looks even stupider. He stomps on Booker and the comedy is completely unintentional. This match isn’t particularly terrible bit it’s just boring. It’s been about five minutes since the last thing I typed. There just hasn’t been anything to talk about.

The Canadians get the steps and put them in a corner then get a table and lay it across the top rope. They put more steps on top of that and the non-Mountie Canadian does a front flip off. He completely misses and a Harlem Hangover ends him.

Rating: D-. This didn’t get me interested at all. Why am I watching the Quebecers when it’s almost 1997? This was just garbage and boring as heck on all levels. No one cared about Parker vs. Sherri so they went with it for over a year. At least this is over now.

Sherri beats up Parker for like a minute in their “match.” Parker runs away after a cross body. Not even worth an actual introduction.

WCW needs to stop having their production guys on TV so clearly. It just takes something away from the show. Not sure why but it bothers me.

Piper vs. Hogan is called the match of the century and we get a really bad promo for Starrcade.

Someone else might be coming to WCW. I’m not sure who that was but it likely wasn’t anyone special.

Luger comes in and talks about Sting handing him a baseball bat. Luger thinks he’s NWO but doesn’t want to believe it. He had been getting the semi-Superman push lately so he was one of the favorites in the battle royal but there really wasn’t anyone that was clearly going to win.

Cruiserweight Title: Psicosis vs. Dean Malenko

Malenko was just about perfect at this point and would somehow get better the next year, actually winning best technical wrestler both in 96 and 97 from Meltzer as well as winning the PWI 500 which is fan voted I believe. They were building to Malenko vs. Dragon next month in what would more or less be a throwaway match. We start with a lot of technical stuff as you would expect us to.

Bobby picks Malenko to win the battle royal tonight. I’ll set the over under on him changing at 8.5. They’re doing the three broadcast teams tonight. That’s just going to make my head hurt. Malenko has a leglock on and the fans look at something in the audience. After more decent stuff, Psicosis falls off the top rope and slams his head into the railing. Since he isn’t dead, we can continue.

Dean goes into his finishing sequence but the ropes break the Cloverleaf. He destroys the knee and is completely dominating here. We ignore the over the top thing again and Psicosis hits a top rope flip from the top and hits his head again. Good thing he wears that mask or he’d need to get one to cover up the ugly. Then again I’ve seen him sans mask so maybe he needed it all along.

Dean takes a rana from the top for two as this is kind of pedestrian and the crowd isn’t into it at all really. He gets a SWEET reversal out of a suplex into a small package. That looked great. A tombostone gets two for the champion and then he rolls him up for the pin.

Rating: B-. Decent match but they just felt a bit bored out there. They were kind of off by a step or so and it showed badly. It’s definitely good but there was something holding it back from being really good. The crowd didn’t care at all for some reason which is odd as Malenko was usually very popular. Weird but good.

Tag Titles: Nasty Boys vs. Outsiders vs. Faces of Fear

This is the next to last match on the card so at least we’re almost done. Hall and Nash have the belts and come out first for some reason. The Faces of Fear were good for placeholders and jobbers in this division as they were legit tough so it was completely believable. The Nasty Boys continue to not be much at all. The more famous teams brawl to start before the Faces of Fear are here. Ah here they are.

The Outsiders are both jumped by a tag team and it breaks down into a brawl. Knobbs and Barbarian start us off officially and I already don’t like this match. They keep the Outsiders out as long as they can which is about a minute and a half. Hall comes in and beats up Barbarian. Barbarian needs to get up because THIS IS WCW! The problem is that no one cares about Barbarian so they cheer Hall.

We’re six minutes into this so Dusty says it’s been 15. Basically it’s just a bunch of brawling with no particular rhyme or reason. When I get bored I think in song lyrics. So sue me. I love Nash’s side slam. That this is just downright elegant. Something tells me this is going to go on for a LONG time. No one has any particular advantage but Meng gets a suplex on Hall for two and Jimmy FREAKS. It’s absolutely hilarious how much he yells and screams over it. How much caffeine do you think he has in one day?

The Nasty Boys are ordained as the masters of the Clubber. They just stand back and watch the other four fight which is smart when you think about it. This has been like ten minutes of just random brawling. There’s no flow to this match at all and no one has been in any kind of extended trouble. Meng and Knobbs tag in Hall and Nash at the same time so they have to fight. Hall lays down for Nash but the save is made, extending this torture a bit longer. A Megaphone shot and powerbomb on Knobbs end it.

Rating: F+. This was AWFUL. It runs over 15 minutes, nothing of note happens, there’s no story at all and the ending comes from nowhere. When the Faces of Fear have the best performance in a match, that’s not a good sign in the slightest. And now we get the battle royal. Oh yay.

The teams of announcers are Tenay and Dusty, Larry and Lee Marshall and Tony and Bobby. They all give their take and none of them mean a thing. Dusty picks Luger or Konnan.

World War 3

Arn Anderson, Marcus Bagwell, The Barbarian, Chris Benoit, Big Bubba, Jack Boot, Bunkhouse Buck, Ciclope, Disco Inferno, Jim Duggan, Bobby Eaton, Mike Enos, Galaxy, Joe Gomez, Jimmy Graffiti, Johnny Grunge, Juventud Guerrera, Eddy Guerrero, Scott Hall, Prince Iaukea, Ice Train, Mr. JL, Jeff Jarrett, Chris Jericho, Kenny Kaos, Konnan, Lex Luger, Dean Malenko, Steve McMichael, Meng, Rey Misterio, Jr., Hugh Morrus, Kevin Nash, Scott Norton, Pierre Ouelette, Diamond Dallas Page, La Parka, Sgt. Craig Pittman, Jim Powers, Robbie Rage, Stevie Ray, Lord Steven Regal, The Renegade, Scotty Riggs, Roadblock, Jacques Rougeau, Tony Rumble, Mark Starr, Rick Steiner, Ron Studd, Kevin Sullivan, Syxx, Booker T, David Taylor, the Último Dragón, Villaño IV, Michael Wallstreet, Pez Whatley and Alex Wright.

The list is from Wikipedia so blame them for anything weird in there.

The intros take a few minutes since 60 guys have to come out. While they’re coming out, a few notes: Jimmy Graffiti is Jimmy Del Ray of the Heavenly Bodies, Galaxy is a luchador, Jack Bruce is Buddy Lee Parker and Pez Whatley was a medium deal in 86. Benoit is all beaten up and has black eyes and cuts all over his face. The NWO are all in the same ring. Benoit and Sullivan fight before the match officially starts. The Dungeon and the Horsemen jump in and here we go.

I’m not going to even try to list off everyone eliminated here so if I leave someone out don’t be surprised in the slightest. The camera stays on Benoit and Sullivan for about a minute and a half. Oh great we’re doing the triple screen again and you can’t see anything. I think the Dungeon of Doom and the Horsemen are gone. We’ve looked at the three rings maybe 15 seconds combined and almost three minutes at Benoit vs. Sullivan. The NWO is just standing in the corner and Benoit is slammed on Marshall and Larry’s table.

No one of note is out yet. All of the Dungeon and the Horsemen are out, which is about 9 people. Marshall gets knocked out in the big fight so something has gone right tonight at least. Look up HUGE DISASTER in the dictionary and you have this match. Tony Rumble, a career jobber, is gone. Once we get down to ten in each ring they’ll break up that ring. La Parka is gone as is Ciclope. Norton is gone and Pez Whatley is too. Expect a lot of that in this match.

The eliminations start picking up a bit as three no names go out in a row. We get rid of the jobbers for the most part here which is good. Joe Gomez is out. All of the announce teams run down the remaining guys and I don’t even bother paying attention. Every big name is still in it. Giant and Roadblock, an incredibly fat guy go at it. Guess who wins. JL is out. We really need to get this down to one ring for the sake of sanity.

Everybody goes after Big Ron Studd with about a dozen splashes but no one actually tries to put him out. Everyone piles on him but we’re told he has to be thrown out of course. Both Canadians and Duggan are out. Eddie eliminates himself with a plancha to Regal. Bagwell is out as we’re getting some bigger names gone. He and Riggs fight on the floor and they would split tomorrow.

Dave Taylor and Wallstreet are gone. There are 9 left in ring 3 so that ring should be broken up. Scott Steiner is out. There are 8 in ring 1 and 9 in ring 2. Juvy is out. We’re merging into ring 2 thank goodness. Wait is Eddie out or not? Yeah he is for no apparent reason. Everyone is in the same ring so they keep it with three cameras. Blast it go to one camera! Jack Boot is out. You can’t see anything and it’s really complicated because getting more than one angle of the same guys is just really confusing.

Luger tries to get Giant out but the power of fat stops him. Malenko is out and so is Craig Pittman and Booker. We’re still on three cameras because WCW is stupid. Disco is finally out. Bunkhouse Buck is gone. I’d love to see how many people are left. Boy what a basic camera shot would do to help that. A bunch of people go out quickly including Dragon. Tony says there are 13 left. Jericho going out gets us to 12 I think. Just to further the stupidity, the bottom camera goes to a single shot.

Ice Train is out. Ok, everyone is in a circle and FINALLY we go to one camera, 20 minutes into the freaking match. We have Syxx, Hall, Nash, Giant, DDP, Jarrett, Luger, Rey Regal and Eddie left. Eddie was in the final ten last year too I think. Eddie is out and Rey goes after Nash. Giant literally throws Rey out with one hand. Jarrett goes out and we have 7 left. DDP takes us to 6. Regal, Luger, four NWO guys. Make that Luger vs. the NWO.

Giant misses a charge and winds up on the ropes so Luger racks him. Hall goes out. There goes Syxx. Like an idiot he racks Nash and Giant dumps them both to win. Bobby and Tony say it’s the best battle royal ever. Giant would get thrown out of the NWO for asking for a title shot. He would get it at Souled Out, the first NWO PPV. The heels pose to end the show.

Rating: D. This wasn’t very good. The camera work KILLED it in the end. For at least five minutes we were on one ring and you couldn’t see anything at all. These matches were never really very good at all and this was no exception. They’re just big messes the entire time and nothing ever really came of them. When you have so many jobbers it makes you wonder what the point is in having this many. Cut the thing down to like 45 or even 40 and this is WAY better. Still though, the NWO winning was just stupid but then again this is WCW so there you go.

Overall Rating
: D. This wasn’t very good. There’s some ok stuff on it, but that’s as good as it gets. SO much stuff on here is just boring as the majority of the roster was in the battle royal. Things would pick up a lot in the coming year, but the end of 96 was really pretty week. These shows always sucked though and this was absolutely no exception. Don’t watch this one.