Elimination Chamber 2011
Date: February 20, 2011
Location: Oracle Arena, Oakland, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the final major stop on the Road to Wrestlemania as tonight we more or less set the main events in stone.  The title matches are the Smackdown Chamber match which has an open spot and Jerry Lawler vs. The Miz for the Raw Title.  It blows my mind that there’s an actual chance that is somewhat open for debate about who wins.  Also there’s the Raw Chamber match and that’s about it.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about what you would expect: it’s a video of how the Chamber is the big diabolical (their word not mine) turn on the Road to Wrestlemania.  This is another of those shows where the big match sells itself and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

The set has what looks like the side of a Chamber in front of the Tron.  Yeah that’s not a bad idea at all.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston

 

Not a bad choice tos tart with but I’m so used to the Chamber starting us off that it’s a bit surprising.  Ricardo gets in a jab at the Raiders which is rather easy to do to be fair.  Alberto says that he’s committed to excellence unlike the people from Oakland.  Commitment to Excellence is the motto of the Oakland Raiders if that line makes no sense.  Tonight six men fight for the chance to face him and there’s nothing they can do to stop him.  Kofi’s music finally cuts him off.

This is non-title mind you.  Josh talks about Alberto taking liberties on Horny while Horny was blindfolded.  You can make your own jokes there.  We get an Alberto chant to start and a basic back and forth sequence to start.  Alberto is sent to the floor where Ricardo plays nurse as well as he can.  Kofi tries something on the apron and is rammed into the post to soften up the arm.

Body scissors by Del Rio who has a big chant going for him here.  Belly to back gets two for Alberto and it’s back to the body scissors.  Kofi fights back and gets a spinning flying forearm off the top in an awesome looking move.  They fight from their knees up to their feet and Kofi chops away.  Boom Drop hits but Trouble in Paradise misses.  Pendulum kick hits but the cross body is countered into a knee that might have been into the arm or ribs but it wasn’t clear.

Del Rio tries a superplex but Kofi fights him off and gets a missile dropkick for a close two.  It’s always cool when it looks like the referee threw his shoulder out on the two counts.  Del Rio gets something close to a GTS but instead it ends with a double knee to the ribs.  That only gets two and Kofi counters what looked like a big atomic drop into a DDT.  Ricardo distracts though so it’s only two.

The Armbreaker can’t go on as Kofi grabs the rope before it is applied.  SOS gets a very close two.  Booker is totally behind Kofi but says he’s trying not to be biased.  Kofi jumps at Del Rio in the corner but misses and Alberto gets a nice neckbreaker for no cover.  Cross Armbreaker is attempted but Kofi locks his hands to avoid it for a bit.  And never mind as it goes on and Kofi taps.  Alberto’s face is hilarious.

Rating: B. This is the kind of win that Alberto needs.  Kofi can afford some losses like this as Del Rio’s star is rising rapidly.  Also he didn’t get destroyed at all as he got ripped off by Ricardo a bit.  This worked rather well but is something you could see on a lot of Smackdowns for free.  Still good though.

Orton is ready.

Edge says he’s had a bad week and now that he has to walk into an Elimination Chamber after a week with Vickie, it seems like a walk in the park.  Drew McIntyre comes up and asks about the casualties like Kelly.  Edge says that Kelly and the title have something in common: neither will ever be seen with Drew.

Video about the Chamber which makes me think we’re getting ready for a lumberjill match.  What?  You don’t see the obvious connection there?

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Wade Barrett vs. ???

 

Remember that we have an extra spot open in the Chamber due to Dolph having been fired.  Kane comes out first and therefore is in a pod to start.  Drew is out second and therefore will be in a pod as well.  The first four will be in pods which means we get to see who the final guy is rather soon.  Barrett is in third.  We hear about his bare knuckle fighting experience which makes me ask again: has he ever used said skills to win a match?  Also Cole thinks Barrett is from Eastern Europe instead of Western.

Here’s Teddy Long when we’re ready for the fourth person.  He’s here to introduce the next participant I guess.  Here’s the replacement: It’s Big Show which is kind of what I expected when he came out there.  Rey vs. Edge to start.  Five minute periods as always with the last man standing winning.  Every five minutes another comes in.  Edge and Rey start off kind of slow which makes perfect sense as they want to maintain energy.

Edge sends Rey out to the steel for the first time with a backdrop.  Drew is all ticked off and hammers on the glass as he wants to get to Edge as fast as possible.  Edge and Rey fights on the outside with Rey being rammed into the cage multiple times.  Rey gets rammed into the glass which is “the strongest in the world” which gets two.  We’re more or less just killing time here and there’s the ten second clock.

In third it’s Barrett.  He’s all fired up and goes after Rey immediately.  Edge gets up to slow down the Englishman.  Edge and Rey work together until Edge slides Rey across the mat and cage so that his head rams into the wall.  FREAKING OW MAN!  Boss Man Slam to Edge gets two and Barrett turns his attention to Rey after taunting Show.  Pumphandle slam gets two.

Barrett is dominating here and we’re out on the steel again.  A shot to the cage with Edge’s head going into it gets two.  Edge low bridges Barrett and Wade might have hurt his knee.  Rey takes down Edge but as he goes up Barrett stops him.  Wasteland on the cage is countered as Rey grabs the cage.  He tries to climb but Barrett catches him in a powerbomb position.  Rana takes Barrett into the ring but Edge gets a big boot to stop the 619 for two.  Again, why would you stop a finisher?

In fourth is Kane.  He goes straight for Edge but gets caught by a boot.  Kane cleans house, beating everyone in sight down.  Everyone wakes up and gangs up on Kane as they should.  A bunch of kicks to the head can’t stop him so we get a triple clothesline with Barrett clotheslining Edge and Rey and vice versa.  We get some basic stuff and Barrett gets beaten down by Kane outside.

Rey tries to go up to take down Kane but a HUGE uppercut knocks Rey down into a Tree of Woe.  Edge adds a baseball slide for two.  Kane, Edge and Rey in the ring now while Barrett is slowly crawling back in.  In at #5 is McIntyre.  No eliminations yet.  Drew has been wanting in the whole time and immediately picks up Rey and launches him into the glass.  The Europeans beat up Kane, who actually is European as well so scratch that theory.  Drew kicks the rope as Barret gets in and then throws him through the UNBREAKABLE glass.  That’s a running joke now and it’s never been funny.

Drew is all annoyed and goes after Edge.  All Drew here as he can’t get Futureshock on Edge but Edge hits Edgecution for no cover.  Rey is somehow still alive as Edge is trying to get up.  Edge wants the spear but Kane grabs him in a chokeslam.  Rey is back in too but can’t hit the 619.  Kane beats everyone down and slams Rey into the post.  Drew can’t get Futureshock again as Kane backdrops him onto Barrett outside.

Edge and Kane hit double big boots to take each other down.  That replay of Rey being thrown in awesome as it’s amazing he’s still alive.  Show is getting ready as we’re under ten seconds.  Naturally he takes down everyone.  Barrett is the only one not in other than kind of Rey.  HUGE chop to Drew.  Barrett is the only one left standing other than Show and the stalking begins.

Show gets his hand on Barrett and chops away like 8 times on the outside.  Barrett rolls back into the ring and it’s all Show.  Big punch coming and Barrett is more or less dead and the pin is academic.  We’re down to five and Rey is on top of a pod.  Kane hits the top rope clothesline.  Edge adds a top rope elbow for two as Show launches Edge over the referee.  Futureshock to Show as Rey is still up there.  The DDT gets two as Rey is ready to jump.  Huge seated senton gets two as Rey is LAUNCHED.

619 and a spear put Show down but Kane fights them off.  Chokeslam to Show and we’re down to four (Kane, Drew, Edge and Rey if you’re curious).  Drew jumps into a chokeslam immediately and we’re down to three.  It’s more or less a handicap match here but Edge is taken down.  Rey hits a bunch of stuff on Kane but he can’t get the pin.  Spinning cross body is caught in a chokeslam position but he reverses into the 619.  Rey goes up and jumps into a powerbomb.  Spear from Edge and a double cover is enough to take Kane out and we’re down to Rey vs. Edge.

Kane kills Edge with a big boot and a chokeslam to Edge has both guys down.  After them laying there for a good while, Edge gets up and tries the spear but Rey reverses into a rollup for two.  Springboard cross body is rolled through into two for Edge.  Sitout bulldog gets two.  Rey goes up but gets stopped by a shot from the Canadian.  Mysterio knocks Edge down and tries a rana but Edge reverses into a sitout powerbomb for a long two.

Another powerbomb is countered into the 619 but Edge catches it and locks on the Edgecator of all things (kneeling Sharpshooter that he uses once in a blue moon).  Rey is in trouble but reverses into a rollup for two.  Good stuff here.  Edge sets for the spear and the fans are booing a bit.  Spear misses but the second one doesn’t and it’s NOT OVER.  Rey kicks out again in a big surprise.  619 hits and the springboard splash gets two.  Another 619 hits and Rey goes up.  Edge pops up and spears him out of the air to go to Wrestlemania FINALLY.

Rating: A. GREAT match here with Edge vs. Rey being the highlight.  I would say the ending was predictable but still, the ending sequence with all the kickouts was so good that it’s more than ok.  I don’t like Rey but he was great here.  I loved all the aggression in there with everyone destroying each other all night long.  Great stuff here and one of the better Chamber matches I can remember in along time.

Post match Alberto hits the ring and the beating is on Edge.  The Armbreaker goes on but CHRISTIAN runs out for the save to the least interested response from Cole that I have ever heard.  Unprettier to Del Rio (yes I know it’s the Killswitch but Unprettier is a better name).  Edge gets a spear to Del Rio to put him down.

The Rock will be at Mania.  Not sure if you heard that.

Lawler is getting ready when Striker comes in to ask for Jerry’s thoughts.  He’s thinking about his mother which is good emotion from Lawler.

Booker gets to make an in ring appearance and introduces the third trainer of Tough Enough: TRISH STRATUS??????  Even with the brown hair she’s still great looking.  She says she’s been getting excited about being around the ring and has been working on a new catchphrase.  FINALLY, the Trish has come back at Oakland to deliver Stratusfaction to the millions SUCKA!  Uh…yeah just wear little clothing Trish.  Booker wants to know that she didn’t just say that.  She’s here tonight to see King win the title.

Chaperone trailer despite the movie bombing for the most part.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

 

Jackson is here too which makes me think there’s a title change here.  Kozlov and Slater to start but it’s off to Santino almost immediately.  Off to Gabriel now as they trade strikes and leg sweeps.  Vlad gets a  battering ram to send Gabriel to the floor but a kick to the head puts the Russian down.  Very international match here with Canada/Italy, South Africa, South America, Russia and America being represented.  Slater in with a slingshot corkscrew splash for two.

Booker keeps calling Jackson a thug despite him not doing anything yet.  Back to Santino again who gets all fired up.  Hip block sets up the headbutt for two.  Gabriel comes in and it’s Cobra time.  It takes down Gabriel but Slater is legal so Marella has to cover him for two.  Slater gets up and stomps away at the Canaditalian.  Gabriel misses a slingshot hilo and it’s off to Kozlov who has no heat on the tag.

Blind tag brings Slater in and Jackson pulls Gabriel out of the ring.  Slater gets a reverses DDT for no cover as he brings Gabriel back in.  Santino is taken down by Slater and the 450 FINALLY gives Corre their first gold in the form of the tag titles.  Quick and simple and more or less a Raw match but the mild buildup works perfectly here.

Rating: C. This was a Raw match on PPV but it was perfectly fine.  Corre winning is the right move here and this lets them spread over to Raw, setting up the potential clash at Mania.  This was perfectly fine and a good way to bridge the gap between the first half and second half of the show.

Miz says he’ll win because this is his time, not Lawler’s or Rock’s.  He says he’ll address Rock later.

Here’s Vickie to waste more time.  She’s a bit quieter here.  She says that Dolph and her were dealing with some issues as he has a bad temper.  The booing is kind of funny.  It was a crime of passion apparently when Dolph jumped Teddy.  She begs for the fans to plead with Teddy to rehire Dolph as she deserves some compassion and a little bit of love.

Teddy comes out and Vickie sucks up to him.  Dang I didn’t want that image in my head.  He says shut up as he’s in a hiring mood.  It’s not Dolph but he’s rehired Kelly instead.  Kelly shoves Vickie down and the beatdown is on.  Laycool comes out for the save and beats down Kelly.  Trish comes out and runs them off but they go after Trish.  The good girls fight back and beat down Laycool and pose to end this.  Trish botched a lot of stuff in there too and it was rather bad.  We couldn’t have added five more minutes to Kofi vs. Alberto?

We recap Miz vs. Lawler.  There’s a great bit at the beginning showing Miz doing his apron pose and the different titles and things he’s had to hold in a quick montage.  Miz talks about how he was told to quit and kept rising up the ranks resulting in this title reign.  Lawler said that Miz needed to shut up and that’s all we see of their rivalry.  Instead we see Lawler winning the Raw rumble.  We get a cool montage of Lawler and how he’s won over 140 titles but never the WWE Title.  Cool video indeed.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler

 

Wow I never thought I’d type that.  We even get big match intros.  Jerry in white and black with a cape here.  That’s rather awesome.  The bell rings twice so technically this isn’t happening.  Jerry gets a quick backslide and small package for two each.  He unleashes his variety of punches as it’s all Lawler so far.  Miz gets knocked to the floor and chills for a bit.  Riley distracts Jerry though and Miz sends him into the post to shift momentum.

Miz can’t get Lawler in the ring for some reason.  He settles for a running knee while Lawler is on the apron for two.  Jerry gets a punch and the fans wake up.  Running clothesline in the corner and down goes Lawler.  Miz goes up and Jerry crotches him so they slug it out on the middle rope.  Superplex puts Miz down for two.  Riley’s reactions out there are hilarious.

They slug it out again and Jerry gets a pair of dropkicks for no cover.  Backdrop and a falling punch get two as Miz is in trouble.  We get something close to Cole being civil by saying Lawler is hanging in there.  Riley interferes by tripping Lawler and is ejected.  I know it’s a long shot and more or less an impossibility but the stars are seeming to align for Jerry to pull this off.  Miz misses a charge in the corner and Lawler rolls him up for two.

Miz escapes the Piledriver and gets a big boot for two.  Jerry reverses the pin into a rollup for two and then Miz is sent to the floor over the top.  Cole is so annoying here as Jerry rams Miz into the announce table.  Cole says he and Miz have a personal relationship which you can make your own jokes about.  Jerry throws Miz at the commentators and Miz lands on Cole.  Booker cracking up at that is great.

Lawler is in control here and goes up top as we’re back in the ring.  Top rope punch to a standing Miz gets a very close two.  Crowd is INTO this.  Miz gets a thumb to the eye but can’t get the Finale as Lawler shoves him off.  Jerry gets a DDT and Miz is reeling!  He looks at the Mania sign and goes up for the middle rope punch.  With a point to the sign and the strap coming down, Jerry gets the fist but Miz gets his foot on the ropes.  My heart jumped into my throat there.

As Booker talks about Dr. Dre and Snoop Dog for no apparent reason the Piledriver is reversed into a rollup by Miz for two.  Jerry reverses that into one of his own for two but Miz gets a kick to the head.  And there’s the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin.  It was a nice dream while it lasted but at the end of the day I think we all knew this was coming.  Still though, INCREDIBLE job here by WWE of making us think it could happen.

Rating: B-. The match was weak from a technical standpoint but they NAILED the drama here.  Jerry is a master at working the crowd and he had me believing that it was possible.  He made us believe that he could actually do this and put on a passable match at the same time.  I really hope this results in Jerry vs. Cole or Riley at Mania, but still this was a great performance and the whole thing worked.

Cole celebrates like crazy and poses with Miz in the ring.  Jerry gets up and is like well I tried.  He gets a standing ovation and they play his music to take him out.  Cole of course WILL NOT SHUT UP and let Lawler have his moment.  If this doesn’t end with Jerry piledriving Cole half to death then it fails.  Still though, great moment and incredible storytelling by WWE there.

2-21-11 promo.  Yes, let’s continue to look for tiny clues in there when we’ll find out tomorrow.

Cena is eating Fruity Pebbles and Todd comes in.  Cena says that he’s thinking about the Chamber tonight and not what happened on Monday.  He feels Yabba Dabba Delicious though.

Striker is with Punk who says he’ll win.

Mania is in 42 days.  That sounds incredible.

We recap the first match Chamber match which is going to be hard to top.

John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. CM Punk vs. R-Truth vs. John Morrison vs. Sheamus

 

Truth, Punk, Orton and Cena in the pods to start.  Punk gets in Orton’s face while Orton is in the pod.  Booker says he can go right now and he means against Cole.  Morrison vs. Sheamus to start us off.  How in the world is Morrison a dark horse like this?  Oh and remember that the winner gets Miz at Mania.  Here we go.  The fans seem to like Punk but I’m not sure if that’s what they’re saying.

They start off with some nice back and forth stuff until Sheamus slaps him.  Angry Morrison shows up and the beating is on.  Sheamus hides outside so Morrison dives over the top rope to take him out.  Both block head shots to the cage and Morrison sets for the Flash Kick.  Sheamus avoids it but Morrison is like boy I’m John Morrison so he catches himself on the cage and hits a Flash Kick from there instead.  That gets two back in the ring.

Sheamus takes over and we have dueling Cena/Punk chants.  With not a lot going on it’s Orton in third.  He cleans some house and it’s a powerslam (Booker calls it a scoop slam) to Sheamus and then one to Morrison (scoop powerslam according to Booker which I can live with).  Morrison goes through the glass.  Actually he might not have as the door might have been open.

Orton manages to get the elevated DDT to Sheamus onto the cage in a painful looking spot.  Punk enjoys that for some reason.  All Orton here as Morrison and Sheamus are getting destroyed.  Morrison takes a superplex for a close two as no one is gone yet.  There’s one for Sheamus as well for the same result.  Miz and Riley are watching.  Oh and Scott Armstrong has a job again.

In fourth is Punk and Orton is waiting on him.  And they can’t get the pod opened.  Punk is stuck in the door!  THIS IS HILARIOUS!!!  Orton is like screw it and hammers away as Punk still isn’t out!  Ah there he is.  RKO and Punk is gone in like 12 seconds!  Orton celebrates….and we get an E-Mail???  Since Punk couldn’t get out, he’s back in the match.  Dang it all.  He’s allowed back into his pod also.  Oh sweet goodness.

Irish Curse to Orton but the High Cross misses.  Flash Kick to Orton and it’s Sheamus vs. Morrison now.  Morrison is thrown to the steel and might have hurt his ankle.  There’s the clock again and it’s Cena in now.  And never mind as Sheamus kicks his head off as soon as Cena’s pod opens.  Cena is up soon after it but can’t get the FU to Morrison who flips out to land on his feet on the steel.

Morrison takes out Orton and Sheamus.  Cena dumps Morrison to the steel again and they fight out there for a bit.  Sheamus is like forget it and launches himself with a double slingshot clothesline to take both guys down.  Orton vs. Sheamus in the ring now and a Thesz Press takes Sheamus down.  Truth is in next and Sheamus tries the same thing he did to Cena which doesn’t work here.

Truth hammers away on Sheamus in the pod which works for a few seconds.  All five still in now.  Truth cleans a little house with the Lie Detector to Cena.  And then he walks into a Brogue Kick to put him out.  Orton vs. Cena and Sheamus vs. Morrison at the moment.  Sheamus’ back is all red and purple.  Orton throws Morrison through the glass and then the superpowers explode.

They slug it out but Orton gets a sweet dropkick for two.  There’s the clock and it’s time for Punk.  Orton waits on him and the door opens for a change.  Cena grabs Orton though but it winds up being an RKO to Cena on the steel.  Punk isn’t in the ring yet.  Brogue Kick to Orton and apparently covers count on the steel as Punk gets two out there.  Punk does the RKO setup in a nice bit of cockiness and manages to get the GTS to put Orton out.

Down to four now (Punk, Cena, Sheamus and Morrison).  Punk goes after everyone but the bulldog on the steel to Sheamus doesn’t work at all.  Morrison vs. Sheamus now and Morrison tries to climb a pod.  Sheamus follows and they fight ON TOP OF THE POD.  Sheamus sets for the High Cross but Morrison fights out of it and knocks Sheamus to the mat.

Morrison CLIMBS THE DOME OF THE CHAMBER and hangs there before dropping down onto Sheamus for the pin!  Would have been better if Sheamus hadn’t looked at him for 10 seconds but dang that looked incredible.  Punk charges at Cena which fails completely.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits and Punk rolls to the steel.  FU doesn’t work out there but Morrison dives on both of them and they’re all down.

With Cena down, Morrison tries the running knee at Cena but it misses and the knee goes through the glass.  FREAKING OW MAN!  In the ring Punk covers off a freaking snap mare for two.  Triangle choke goes on which is now the Anaconda Vice apparently. Cena is like screw it and stands up to allow Morrison to team up for a Doomsday Device for two on Punk.  Wow they’re going old school here and Morrison is looking great.

FU to Morrison but Punk takes Cena down so there’s no cover.  Punk gets the springboard clothesline to Cena on the steel and Punk might be busted open on his arm.  Punk slingshots Cena into the glass which doesn’t break.  COVER HIM!  Naturally he doesn’t as he goes after Morrison.  A slingshot into the pod doesn’t work as Morrison catches himself on the pod then jumps to the cage and hits a Flash Kick.  Starship Pain misses though and the GTS ends Morrison.  Cena pops up and hits an FU over the ropes and onto the steel to go go Mania!

Rating: A-. Another great match here.  I hated the Punk thing at first but now it’s not so bad all things considered.  Cena winning is again predictable but at the same time it’s the best match they have available.  I’d love to see it and if you throw Rock in as a wildcard how can you go wrong?  This was a good match and the whole thing worked.  Good stuff again and worth seeing.

Overall Rating: A. This was an AWESOME show.  When the worst match is perfectly acceptable, how can you say it’s anything but great?  We have Mania set up, there was great drama in the Raw Title match, Corre gets a title now and we got two GREAT Chamber matches.  Mania is set and I’m getting fired up now.  Couple that with the Rock and 2-21-11 tomorrow and how can you complain?  Great show and well worth seeing.

Results

Alberto Del Rio b. Kofi Kingston – Cross Armbreaker

Edge b. Wade Barrett, Big Show, Kane, Rey Mysterio and Drew McIntyre – Edge last eliminated Mysterio to win

Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater b. Vladimir Kozlov/Santino Marella – 450 to Kozlov

The Miz b. Jerry Lawler – Skull Crushing Finale

John Cena b. CM Punk, John Morrison, Randy Orton, R-Truth and Sheamus – Cena last eliminated Punk to win

Survivor Series 2002
Date: November 17, 2002
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York, New York
Attendance: 17,930
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tazz, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

Well, it’s a completely new company now, with the primary difference being the brand split. Also, HBK is back, having one final match at Summerslam and now another one final match here tonight. Tonight has no Survivor Series matches but we do have the debut of the Elimination Chamber. The other major difference is the reigning WWE (yes E instead of F) Champion Brock Lesnar, who has absolute taken the company and the wrestling world by storm as he won the title at Summerslam.

Rock is now gone off to Hollywood to make I think Rundown. HHH is heel now and is the reigning World Heavyweight Champion. The rest of the card really doesn’t look like much at all. We have a lot of the new guys that would come to define this era now, such as the Guerreros and Mysterio. This is of course most famous for the end of the Elimination Chamber, but maybe the rest is good too. Let’s find out.

First of all, the theme song for this show is Always by Saliva, which is my all time, undisputed favorite song, so I’m already loving this show. As tends to happen with the Brand Split shows, there’s no intro video and we head right into the first match.

Bubba/Spike/Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning/Rico

This is an elimination tables match. Bubba and Spike come out to another Saliva song, as they might as well just have been the official band of the company at this time. That’s fine with me as I like them. They sucked in concert though, but the tickets were 15 dollars for three bands and they were certainly worth five bucks. Anyway, Bubba and Spike are the Dudleys now as D-Von is a preacher on Smackdown with a deacon named Batista.

Three Minute Warning is more commonly known as Rosie and Jamal, who is more known as Umaga. Rico is the, shall we say, flamboyant guy that just showed up earlier in the year. These guys are fighting for no apparent reason other than they’re a team feuding with another team. Jeff is there…well I doubt he knows why either. Three Minute Warning beat up Jeff and Spike on Raw apparently.

Bubba is wearing a black vest/shirt and camouflage shorts so he looks stupider than usual. As the match starts we get to the high spots as Bubba launches Spike at the big guys but they catch him. Bubba assumes the position and they set up Poetry in Motion for Jeff who is as far in the air as I can ever remember him getting. That looked SWEET. The what’s up hits on I think Jamal as they have to tag in this? I’ll never get the point in having tagging in gimmick matches like these. It just makes no sense.

The point of the match is to put people through tables yet you can get disqualified? Yeah that makes zero sense. Bubba gets a table set up in the corner which gets Spike head rammed into it. Rosey dives at Spike but misses so he goes through it himself, which doesn’t count because he wasn’t put through it by an opponent. We’re already in a spot fest here which is what this should be. I can’t imagine any of them being able to work a long term match so this is the best thing they could have done.

Spike is taken out by a double powerbomb which makes sense as he tends to just suck most of the time anyway. If he wasn’t such a strange character, Rico could have been something special. From what I’ve read he’s a great cop though so that’s a good thing. He had a real job to fall back on which is something I completely respect.

After a brief exchange of power between the faces and the heels, we move out into the crowd. Rico shouting at Jamal to get Bubba makes me chuckle. I love how again they’ve just said screw the tag rules and are going insane after about a minute into the match. All five guys are back together again as JR is all of a sudden stunned that a Hardy and a Dudley are working together.

Jeff climbs way in the air and hits a swanton through Rosey through a table off part of the set. Again, the high spots are making this one work. Everyone but Hardy is back in the ring now. Rico goes for a moonsault but seems hesitant to actually jump. He turns to look at the other side of the ring and clearly can be heard and lip read saying Jeff come on dang it! Oh that’s just great Rico. Naturally Jeff shakes the ropes and Rico goes down about a second later.

That was just completely horrible and inexcusable on Rico’s part. I know Jeff is the one that missed the spot, but there had to be another option. Rico as a heel could act like he has another idea, or he could pretend to slip, or he could pretend to be scared. There’s a ton of other options besides exposing things like he did. The faces start their comeback with Jeff leading the charge. I wouldn’t have believed that he would one day be a three time world champion.

Considering what I’m watching, that’s just weird to type. Jamal puts Jeff through a table but for some reason they say it was Jeff messing up that caused it. Jeff messing up? NO WAY. It’s completely stupid because a second later, Jamal goes to the top and splashes Jeff through the table. Well that was a waste of time but it was a cool looking spot. Again, I couldn’t have imagined that these two would have a rather lengthy feud over the IC Title in the future.

That’s why you pay attention to the midcard and openers: you never know when they might be having decent matches in the future. The splash was sick at least. So we have Bubba against a future IC Champion and the guy that was John Cena’s old tag partner in OVW (talk about two careers that went in opposite directions). Bubba counters a hurricanrana attempt by Jamal into a powerbomb through the table so we have Bubba and Rico. Yeah this isn’t interesting anymore.

Three Minute Warning come back and beat the heck out of Bubba, but D-Von runs out in Dudley gear to reform the team. He beats up both big guys on his own to set up the 3D on Rico to a MASSIVE pop. This was when the Dudleys actually meant something. Bubba, after getting help on a 3D which took awhile to set up, is surprised that D-Von is there. That makes no sense but ok.

Rating: B. From a technical standpoint, this match was crap. However, considering what it was supposed to be, this was great stuff. It was mainly high spots and violence, but that’s exactly what it was supposed to be. The crowd was WAY into the reuniting at the end, so they’re fired up, meaning this match has more than done its job.

You have to consider what kind of a match you’re watching. Not everything is going to be like Savage vs. Steamboat, but a lot aren’t supposed to be. I think that’s a mistake a lot of people make when grading matches and it’s not a fair comparison to make. Considering what this was, it was great.

Stacy is at the World, which is the new name for WWF New York since they couldn’t just call it WWE New York I guess. She looks as amazing as ever, showing off her perfect stomach in a nice blue number. She’s Test’s PR person at this point, meaning she says testicles a lot. She introduces Saliva who sings Always, making this segment awesome. They’re at the club, so that’s a very nice touch.

This is spliced together with short highlight packages of the feuds for this show. Also, the singer, Josey Scott, DESPERATELY needs to grow his hair out again. He has it really short now and it looks horrible. This looks like a decent performance. Why in the world weren’t they this good when I saw them? This song set to the HHH vs. Shawn feud is great for some reason. They’re doing a concert at the club and as they go into Click Click Boom we go back to the arena.

Cruiserweight Title: Jamie Noble vs. Billy Kidman

This was around the time where the belt meant absolutely nothing at all. More or less there would be a challenger of the month and someone would get a big non title winning streak against the champion, which would Noble in this case. Kidman beat him in a non title match of course, because that’s just how things are done. No one cared about the title at all and the way it wasn’t built up at all was living proof of that.

Naturally, this is going to be the match of the night because these guys are going to go nowhere and having no storyline whatsoever other you pin me, I pin you, we get a PPV paycheck because of it. Oh yeah Noble is with his girlfriend Nidia at this point, who was a co-winner of Tough Enough. Both have just terrible music that’s so painfully generic. Tazz says Noble has something up his sleeve, despite him not wearing a shirt, meaning he has no sleeve. That’s not my insight or joke.

Those are the exact words he said. Amazing. The crowd is deader than Noble’s career at this point. Kidman goes for the shooting star (Both Bourne’s and Lesnar’s are better. I don’t mean the botched Mania one, but the one in OVW. Go look it up. It’s RIDICULOUS. He just jumps into the air and hits it halfway across the ring. It’s one of the truly mindblowing moments in wrestling history), but Nidia pulls him out.

Shockingly, once the match picks up, the crowd is alive. All of a sudden this is good. Kidman hits a forward DDT off the top rope but somehow only gets a two. Since Noble is the champion he has to respond. So he sets Kidman on the top rope for a spike DDT. Think of the thing Orton does when he puts someone’s feet on the middle rope and DDTs them, but a rope higher and a shorter guy so it’s at an even sharper angle. DANG my mouth just fell open.

That looked awesome and it got a great reaction. Naturally it should cripple him so it gets a two and within fifteen seconds Kidman is back in control. And you wonder why these guys get criticized. After a brief comeback, Kidman hits the shooting star for the title. Well that was abrupt to say the least. I really hate Kidman’s bad rap music.

Rating: C+. Well the beginning flat out sucked. After about two minutes though, they just went at it and it got good. The lack of pins when they should have happened hurt things a bit though, or at least Kidman being in control after a sick DDT fifteen seconds later is just stupid, but other than that, this was fine. It’s not great, but it did what it was supposed to do.

Benoit and Angle argue over who the captain is. Benoit is breaking the rule of wearing your own brand’s shirt means jobber. Angle has reached baldness at this point. After they stop arguing, Benoit sticks out his hand, but Angle hugs him. The look on Benoit’s face is breathtakingly funny.

Jericho, rocking a three inch minimum beard, is getting ready. We’ve seen RVD do this earlier in the night.

Crazy Victoria gets in an argument with her mirror that she shatters. Victoria as a psycho is one of the sexiest gimmicks of all time, hands down. King and Ross debate this as Always plays so this is great again. We recap Trish vs. Victoria which is something about Victoria being held back by Trish, with part of the package being set to a rip off of the Psycho theme. How awesome is that?

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Trish Stratus

This is hardcore rules. Sadly Victoria just has generic rock music here instead of All The Things She Said, which fit her so well. They really were nailing music around this time. How did they mess that up later on? Trish’s music just plain works. This might as well just be billed as hotness in a ring as Trish is of course gorgeous and I’ve always had a thing for Victoria. I think it’s the jet black straight hair, but that’s just me I guess.

They fight with a broom and for some reason I feel like I’m watching some kind of screwed up ballet or interpretive dance thing. It’s just odd indeed. Lawler implies that Victoria is ugly. What the heck? I mean, yeah Trish is likely prettier but that’s like saying Ted Turner isn’t rich compared to Warren Buffet. Turner is hardly a poor man. Granted he probably got close with how much WCW lost but whatever.

There are people walking in front of the entrance which is again across from the cameras and it’s rather distracting. Let’s fight over an ironing board because there’s nothing weird about having one of those in a match at all. The “ugly” diva is bleeding from her nose. How in the world is she supposed to be ugly? She’s GORGEOUS. Heck I’d even say she’s a knockout. That was dangerously close to being clever. Trish gets a kick to Victoria’s chest.

Since no one noticed that the kick missed apparently, Trish just does it again which looks stupid as it makes you think that something was wrong with the first one. For some reason the way JR is talking about the women using things on each other makes me think I’m watching something rather different. Actually that’s not a bad idea. Victoria wins out of absolutely nowhere with a snap suplex. That again just came out of freaking nowhere. More Victoria bashing as she leaves which is just stupid.

Rating: C-. This was…different. It was ok but it just wasn’t what these two likely should have been in. I get the hardcore aspect given Victoria’s character, but this never had the right feeling to it for me. It wasn’t bad, but it just didn’t feel right if that makes sense. They looked good, but just not in the right place. I have no idea what I meant by that so don’t bother asking.

Booker is getting ready as we hear more Always.

Bischoff is talking about something when Big Show comes in and says he’ll be sorry for trading him. Why? For winning a title on another show? How does that prove anything? Whatever.

Brock (who gets a pop) and Heyman are in the back also, with Heyman being nervous. Brock has a broken rib (more on that later) which explains the nervousness.

We recap the feud with Brock and Show, which doesn’t really exist. Brock had won a feud against Taker and Show beat up Taker, which somehow got him a title shot. The idea is simple: Show is too big for Brock to throw around like he has done to everyone else.

On Smackdown, Brock had called out Show and beat the living tar out of him with a chair. The chair actually looks tiny between these two, despite Brock not being incredibly tall (6’2). Heyman and Brock had been showing signs of tension, more or less giving away the ending to this match already.

WWE Title: Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Show’s stupid outfit of choice around this time was the singlet top and long black pants. Not tights mind you, but pants. And people wonder why this guy is criticized like no other main eventer ever. Show has some arm injury or something. Crowd pops like a coconut for Brock. He’s more or less a face already at this point so we were just waiting for Heyman to screw him over.

With Brock it’s a classic case of someone that’s supposed to be a heel but is just such a freak that he gets wildly over anyway. The crowd is completely for Lesnar here with a big chant for him starting about eight seconds into the match. The thing is, I don’t know if it’s pro Brock or anti-Show. Big Show is probably at the worst stage of his career here as he just completely and utterly sucked.

No one, I repeat no one, wanted to see him here to do anything but make Brock look awesome, and that’s why he’s here. Think about it: what better way to make Lesnar look great other than to have him throw around the biggest guy in the company? Show starts off with his standard offensive strategy of “let’s do as little as possible but try to make it seem like I’m doing a lot because I’m so freaking fat.”

Naturally, it doesn’t work as Brock just spears the heck out of him. Shame he didn’t do that more often with the Vikings. Show just looks idiotic dressed the way he is. It looks like he’s getting dressed for his job as an accountant or something like that. When Vince wrestles dressed like that, it looks fine because he’s not a pro wrestler and more or less is just a street fighter in a wrestling ring. Show is a multi time world champion. See why that’s stupid?

Lesnar actually gets a decent belly to back. I say decent because it sucked but Big Show is more or less dead weight because he’s spent three minutes in. Lesnar makes up for it with a German. That was nice. My goodness Show is horrible. I mean seriously, all he’s doing are forearms, bad punches and weak kicks. Brock is legit hurt here and is doing 99% of the work, mainly because Show is spent.

Following a ref bump, Lesnar gets a fine (given the circumstances) overhead belly to belly on Show. This guy is legit scary. Despite his client kicking Show’s face all over the Garden, Heyman throws in a chair and you can see it coming a mile away. Show is back up and breathing in enough air to suffocate the first nine rows. Brock gets his chair shot punched and more or less says boy please by cracking Show over the head and F5ing him, in something that just blows my mind completely.

He’s legitimately hurt, and he pulls that off. I mean just DANG. Here’s your other referee, and here’s your Heyman heel (I guess) turn to go with it. Cole’s commentary is bad to put it mildly. The look on Brock’s face is scary. I mean really scary. He chases Heyman but gets nailed with the chair and chokeslammed on it, and Show wins the title as the fans are mad. I don’t mean mad because the heel won, but mad in the sense of who freaking booked this because we want them shot.

This was less than four and a half minutes, actually making it one of the shortest world title matches where the title changed hands in history. Heyman and Show embrace as Show looks stupider than usual somehow. Cole saying that it’s surprising because Lesnar and Heyman have been together since Brock got there. That’s about seven months if you’re counting. The heels run to their waiting limo and leave naturally as we get the second replay of this.

Rating: D-. This is a tale of two ratings here. Lesnar gets a pass in every sense of the word here. I mentioned the ribs being a point of interest. They were injured by Show at a house show because he wasn’t safe in the ring at this point. Lesnar was supposed to go over Show here but because of the injury, the Big Show of all people gets the belt. I’ve never seen a main event guy that flat out didn’t deserve it as much as he did here.

I mean he was just flat out embarrassing out there. It was nothing but punches and forearms, while Lesnar can barely breathe because his bones are in pieces and he’s out there throwing Show around, yet he’s the one that has to lose the freaking belt because Big Show, the fat load that he is, injured him and there’s no other way to go.

THANKFULLY, Show was champion for a month as he dropped it to Angle at the next PPV, leading to the absolute classic of Benoit vs. Angle that happened at the Rumble. I can’t wait to get to that one. Anyway, Show sucks, Lesnar is the freaking man, end of story.

We go into the recap of the three way feud between Edge/Mysterio, Angle/Benoit, and the Guerreros. More or less, Angle and Benoit won the inaugural tag titles in a tournament (Billy Kidman and John Cena were partners. How weird does that sound?) beating Edge and Mysterio in perhaps the best tag match of all time the previous month.

Edge and Mysterio took them from them in a 2/3 falls match on Smackdown. The Guerreros are there…well because there was nothing else for them to do I guess. The main thing here is Angle and Benoit are arguing over who the captain is, but when they get in the ring they’re so awesome that it doesn’t really matter.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Benoit/Angle vs. Los Guerreros vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio

Rey is still more or less a rookie at this point. This is elimination rules also. Al Wilson and Dawn Marie, who are engaged, are at ringside. This was a disturbing angle, but it led to a lesbian angle with Torrie and Dawn Marie, so it’s awesome. Al might have been the first WWE TV character to actually die. That’s saying a lot. The intros take forever as Benoit, Angle, Edge and Mysterio all have their own entrances.

Edge is getting all kinds of pops, as is Mysterio. That’s saying a lot considering Benoit and Angle are far bigger stars. We start with Benoit and Mysterio. That’s fine by me. Cole calls the match where Edge and Rey won the titles historic. Why? It was a 2/3 falls match and while it was good, I’d hardly say it was historic, but it’s Michael Cole so just a bit over the top is good for him. Angle gets another great pop as the crowd is white hot for everything here.

Eddie and Chavo are both cowards of course. Imagine if Edge and Mysterio were midgets. Chavo would be running for his life. Rey comes in and gets things going much faster which is what you need him to do. Eddie is just a midcard guy here and wouldn’t get a real main event push for a little over a year. Anyone can tag anyone here, making this very interesting indeed. This is a really fast paced match which makes sense given who’s in there.

Kurt slams his shoulder into the post as hard as anyone I’ve ever seen. That was painful looking. This is another of those matches that is hard to make fun of because it’s good so far. Angle was back to being goofy at this point which hurt him a bit, but it worked in the ring still. He puts a front facelock on Rey, which after eight minutes at that pace, I think it’s ok for a short break.

As soon as they break that up, Kurt and Rey crank it right back up again and the crowd is right back into it. That’s a good sign that the crowd stays with you. Angle goes for the tag but Eddie and Chavo hit the floor as Edge comes in. Edge and Kurt had been feuding for awhile now with Edge, resulting in Angle’s lack of hair. Angle counters the spear into the ankle lock and Benoit adds the crossface for the double submission attempt.

Rey hits a springboard seated senton to take out Kurt and then a dropkick to take out Benoit. Chavo pulls Angle to the floor as Rey hits the ropes and launches a corkscrew over the ropes to take them both out. Benoit starts the rolling Germans but on the third one, Eddie comes off the top with a sunset flip to Benoit who doesn’t let go of Edge, resulting in Benoit being in the sunset flip and Edge being suplexed at the exact same time.

Beginning with the Edge spear and ending with the kick outs from Edge and Benoit, that took about thirty seconds and was possibly the most exciting thirty seconds in the history of the Survivor Series. I was in absolute awe of it and that hardly ever happens to me. That was absolutely epic. Within seconds, and by that I mean like two, they’re going again, this time with Benoit beating on Edge even more.

He goes for the headbutt but Eddie hits the Frog Splash, but Benoit hits the headbutt to break up the pin. Before anything else can happen, Angle runs in and puts the ankle lock on Eddie while Benoit has the crossface on Edge. Chavo brings the belt in which is something that I hate. It was one of the fastest paced and flat out entertaining matches I can ever remember seeing until then, but I guess it fits the gimmick.

Benoit thinks Angle hit him because he took the belt from Chavo. Benoit and Angle get into it, allowing Rey to hit Benoit to set up for the spear, eliminating Benoit and Angle. They lay out the champions before leaving in an argument, which sets up their best match of their absolutely epic series at the Rumble. Wow once they left the life got sucked out of this thing. I’m thinking one fall might have been the way to go here.

Rey comes in with a springboard cross body so high you would think he was Jeff Hardy. Edge spears both guys in the corner at once to set up the worst move ever: the Bronco Buster. It doesn’t hit which makes me cheer. Rey hits the 619 but Chavo hits the belt shot to the back which makes Rey tap to the Lasso From El Paso, which is more or less a weak Boston Crab. I’m really not wild on the standard cheating to win the belts here at all.

This could have been great and the first half was, but sadly this was the end of the greatness that was the early days of the WWE Tag Titles. Within less than a year we would have teams like Haas and Rico and Rikishi and Scotty winning the titles. The belts became jokes of course because Vince can’t allow any great wrestling on any show period, because it might make them realize that half of the stuff he’s got is just flat out terrible.

Rating: B. This is another tale of two matches. The first half, which is with Benoit and Angle, was some of the most entertaining, breath taking fast paced greatness that I’ve ever seen in a tag match. The part after that could have been an example from a book called How to Have a Boring Title Change.

I mean there was nothing that would have kept that part from being on any run of the mill TV show or house show for that matter. That’s how typical it was. From what I’ve read, this match was blown out of the water by the No Mercy match which had no Guerreros in it, so that’s on my short list of must see matches.

Chris Nowitski, a Harvard graduate and Tough Enough guy that could have been a decent midcard heel if he hadn’t gotten injured. He has a degree from Harvard though so I think he’ll be fine. He got a bad concussion at a house show and was forced to retire. He now does a ton of great work studying the long term effects of concussions and does special appearances for WWE.

It looks good for a guy like this to be on Vince’s payroll, as it shows he’s actually caring or at least pretending to care about the long term health of his workers. Anyway, Chris cuts a decent anti-New York promo here. Considering he had been in the company about five months at this point, he wasn’t half bad. He never would have been anything great, but he could have made a pretty good manager or commentator, something along the lines of Matt Striker.

Actually, as I’m writing this it’s 3:30 AM on September 25. meaning to me it’s still Thursday night. It just so happens that Thursday the 24th was Chris’ gimmick that I’ve always loved. I have no idea what it was, but I loved it. What I could make of it was that he more or less started a cult/fan club, with his opening video being set up to look like a website, complete with really funny factoids on the side, traditionally two per entrance.

Tonight we learn that “Matt keeps the room temperature at a toasty 75 degrees” and “Matt only drinks lowfat chocolate milk.” This gimmick was one I always liked, which is saying a lot as there’s not a lot of them that I like. This one is unique to say the least though. He teases being a face by asking Chris who he thinks he is because apparently Chris didn’t insult New York strongly enough.

Matt’s promo is about as good as Chris’, which means that it’s a failure. Chris is a rookie and Matt is a veteran, meaning that it’s ok for Chris to be below average, but not for Matt. This was pretty weak, but as they leave we discover the point to this as Scott Steiner debuts. This was a bit of a surprise, but he had been on Confidential, which was one of the Saturday night shows that started off as great and wound up sucking, the night before saying he was a free agent.

This would lead to a bidding war between Raw and Smackdown, eventually won by Raw and leading to perhaps the worst match ever with him and HHH at the Rumble. He just happens to be in his gear for no apparent reason and beats the heck out of both heels without saying anything at all. Oh dear Scott Steiner has a live mic. Oh good it’s just his catchphrase. Anyone that doesn’t believe steroids happen in wrestling, just look at this freak.

Terri is with Shawn (who has the stupidest looking haircut of all time) as he’s talking about why he believes he can win the title when we have BREAKING NEWS from RNN. This was a short term gimmick that the newcomer known as Randy Orton was doing. Orton, with some fairly long and messy brown hair, talks about how he came to Survivor Series, but don’t worry, because the flight didn’t hurt his shoulder any worse. Keep sending those get well soon emails!

We get a clipped down version of the video earlier recapping the feud. The basic idea is HHH vs. Shawn vs. four other upper midcard guys that have a prayer, but it’s highly unlikely that it’s going to end with anything other than DX exploding. Remember, this is Shawn’s 3rd match in nearly five years, if you count the Mania match against Austin. That’s ridiculous to say the least. Part of this feud was the great moment where Shawn came out in a wheelchair and got up to take out HHH.

HHH gets interrupted by Coach who is just a freaking moron, at least on camera. HHH actually says that the other five guys are some of the best in the world. That’s saying a lot coming from him. He says he has a first class ticket to a very warm place and the only question is who is coming with him. That’s almost a great line.

Bischoff comes out and walks us through how the chamber works and how deadly it is. If nothing else it looks awesome. The match isn’t weak at this point like it’s become now. The day before I got to this part, the announcement was made that No Way Out will be turned into another theme PPV about this. I really hate that. Hearing the words Elimination Chamber used to be a big deal, but now it’s just a cliché. It’s far worse with Hell in a Cell though.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho vs. HBK vs. Booker T vs. RVD vs. Kane

This is in the Elimination Chamber. If you didn’t know that by now, then PAY ATTENTION YOU MORONS! Jericho is out first, which means that he and the other three after him will be in the pods. For those of you that have never seen one of these matches, the idea is fairly simple despite looking complex. You have a massive cage around the ring complete with a metal floor so in essence there’s the ring itself and then another area around it in a circle.

Behind each of the four ring posts there’s a smaller chamber with a person inside of it. We being with two men in the ring and four in the pods. After five minutes, another man is released. It’s pinfall or submission, last man standing wins. Jericho’s entrance is awesome as he’s using a Saliva song, and as he comes out we cut to the World where Saliva performs it live. That’s very cool when you think about it. Booker is next.

He’s here…uh…actually I have no idea why he’s in this. I guess because he’s a big name. He would feud with HHH heading into Mania, so I guess I’d call this a tryout in the main event scene for him. Jericho lost the title to HHH at Mania so there are his credentials in case you were wondering. Ah Booker pinned HHH in a tag match a few weeks ago. It’s better than no explanation I guess. Kane is third. I don’t think he really needs an explanation.

There’s actually four faces and two heels in this match, which is odd indeed. This was during the time where Vince came up with the BRILLIANT, YES BRILLIANT I SAY idea of unifying the midcard titles with the singles titles, so for about eight months there was no Intercontinental belt. Kane was the last champion before losing it to HHH a month or so prior to this, which I guess is why he’s in here. Shawn is fourth, to a solid pop.

He’s wearing brown tights. Yes I said brown. Two things about his entrance: JR says who else could this be? Well JR I don’t think Shawn sings anyone else’s music so I’d guess it’s him. Also, Fink introduces him as HBK: Shawn Michaels. I’ve never heard him called that. Ross is mentioning all of the wrestlers’ records at this show. Kane is 4-1 and Shawn is 5-5. Dang that’s a lot of Survivor Series appearences.

That leaves us with RVD vs. HHH to start, which sounds like a bad recipe for alphabet soup. Flair cheated RVD out of his title match at Unforgiven, so this is technically his rematch. Allegedly the chamber weighs ten tons. I could see it being 9.97 tons but not ten, there’s just no way. Flair is with HHH as that little thing called Evolution is on the horizon. In an interesting stat, HHH is 0-6 coming into this Survivor Series.

That’s quite surprising and a stat like the Streak that just kind of sneaks up on you. Yeah Evolution debuted February 3, 2003, which was my 15th birthday for those KB enthusiasts out there. There’s the bell and we’re on. Or is it off? For the absolute life of me, I don’t get why Vince refused to push RVD. Madison Square Garden is cheering for him so loudly that it’s hurting my ears. But since he’s from ECW, that’s the only reason he’s being cheered. It couldn’t be talent or anything like that.

Less than a minute in, they’re out on the area between the pods outside of the ring. This really is a cool looking structure. We have our first bloodshed inside of two minutes. With HHH on the cage floor, Van Dam does Rolling Thunder through the ring and then over the top. That was very sweet looking. Van Dam is beating the tar out of HHH here. He goes to climb one of the pods but Jericho literally pulls him partially into it, getting his leg inside. That was cool looking.

They beat on each other some more, which is the polite way to say that Van Dam is massacring him, as Jericho is the third man in. After some generic fast paced stuff, we get what’s likely he most famous spot of the match, as Van Dam jumps at Jericho but instead of hitting him, grabs onto the cage in mid air, sticking to it “like Spiderman” as everyone on the planet said, but Ross gets credit for.

It gets more cheers from the crowd, but that doesn’t mean anything at all because Van Dam just isn’t capable of carrying a crowd, because they don’t know what they want as much as Vince does. We get another famous line as Ross says these men are playing Russian roulette with their careers. Jericho shouts that he’s the king of the world. I didn’t like him in Titanic and was glad when he sank.

Lawler points out that HHH craves to be champion. Wouldn’t that mean that he’s content at the moment? Booker is in third and also gets a big pop, but he couldn’t be champion either because HHH gets better heat than he gets pops, so naturally HHH has to go over him too.

As was mentioned in my Summerslam 2002 review, this was a period of time in HHH’s career where all the criticism of him comes from as he simply wouldn’t lose to anyone, no matter how big of a star they were unless their name was Shawn Michaels. Booker comes in and kicks everyone half to death but before he can go back for the other half, we have a Spinnerooni.

He and Van Dam go at it for a bit as we hear again about how Van Dam is like trying to pour smoke through a keyhole or whatever that expression is. Why do commentators always misuse the word literally? It’s really not that hard to get it right at all. Can Booker do anything other than kick people? That’s all he’s done in this match so far. RVD goes for the Five Star but goes up to the top of the pod and comes off with the splash, or at least he tries to.

The problem is the ceiling curves up to a point so there’s nowhere for him to jump, so more or less he falls on HHH. Van Dam’s leg lands on HHH’s throat and we go to a wide shot so we won’t see the referee throwing up the X. It was legit, so Booker hits a top rope dropkick (shocking isn’t it?) for the pin on Van Dam as HHH tries to breathe. He would have to take some time off because of that injury actually, so it was kind of serious.

The fans boo Van Dam’s elimination out of the building, but he’s not over at all because Vince has decided he’s not, and Vince is never wrong, right? Jericho and Booker try to buy HHH some more time by chopping the heck out of each other.

Kane brings some needed fresh blood into this match. This was probably the hottest period of his career other than his debut, and if they were ever going to put the belt on him, it likely should have come around this time, maybe in the spring after Mania. Alas, it would never happen and ONCE AGAIN they just turned him into a monster with nothing even remotely resembling direction of any sort. I hate that.

The guy is a former world champion, he’s big, he’s strong and he’s over, but we can never put the belt on him. Guys like RVD and Booker are both incredibly popular here, but neither would get the belt for almost five years from this point, or six years after they debuted. Benoit wouldn’t get the title for over four years and the same was true for Eddie. However, someone like Brock or Taker can come in and within a year be world champion.

It continues the long running theory I have: if Vince didn’t create them, he’s not going to push them. That’s why it annoys me when we see guys like Santino and Hornswoggle on TV all the time. Vince created them, so he’s going to push them down our throats until they get over or we stop complaining about them.

Instead of putting someone from outside of the company or someone that came up with the gimmick on their own that’s actually interesting, we get stupid things like Cedric the Entertainer and Al freaking Sharpton. Oh yeah Vince, keep up that in touch booking that you just love to do. And people wonder why the company nearly died in 2003. Anyway, Kane uses his standard stuff to beat on Jericho and Booker for awhile as HHH is still down.

Jericho starts another bad tradition in gimmick matches by being the first person to be thrown through the “bulletproof” glass. I can’t stand when they overhype stuff like that and then just completely destroy the mystique of the thing. In reality, Jericho would be cut to pieces here and likely in need of a hospital. He’s bleeding to an extent, but it’s far from horrible.

HHH is back up as Jericho, who isn’t dead, gets rid of Booker with the Lionsault after about a minute of rest. Jericho tries to climb a pod and you can hear Kane say where are you going Chris as he grabs him and pulls him down. That’s just creepy. As has been the custom we have two guys fighting and the other two are down. That’s kind of cheap but I can see why they have to do it. Actually I can’t. Why not have more violence?

If Jericho can get up after being thrown through “bulletproof” glass, then the whole pain thing is no big deal. The interval between Kane and Shawn is longer than five minutes to give him less time in the ring I guess. He comes in to a long but not very loud at all pop. Kane takes him down with a clothesline though, so that takes care of that. Never mind as he’s back up. Michaels isn’t quick but he’s sudden. I’ve heard that about a dozen times and have no clue what it means.

Ross lives in his own little world most of the time and I really don’t want to be there. Kane chokeslams everyone but doesn’t cover any of them because that would make sense, and we can’t have any of that of course. He goes to tombstone HHH but is shoved into Sweet Chin Music. He sits up and gets a Pedigree and the Lionsault ends him to get us down to three guys. What follows is more or less just the two of them beating the tar out of Shawn and making him bleed badly.

They also work on Shawn’s back a lot, which at least makes sense. Hey, did you know Shawn has wrestled once in almost five years because he broke his back? I wasn’t sure if you knew that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back. I just wanted to make sure that it was known that this is Shawn’s second match in almost five years because he broke his back.

Shawn makes a small comeback but gets dropped on the cage floor to end that one. Shawn nips up only to be knocked back down again, which is one of the fastest pops and ending of a pop I’ve ever heard. He kicks out of the Lionsault and you already know the ending, but you don’t want to believe that it’s possible HBK winning the title really would have been a mind blowing thing as he had just come back and it was really considered a short term thing.

Jericho hooks the Walls, but HHH breaks them up for no apparent reason and they start going at it. They beat on each other for awhile so Shawn can rest a bit. I’m fine with that as he has very limited cardio at this point more than likely. Jericho hooks the Walls on HHH but gets his head kicked off and it’s one on one for the title, and all of a sudden it’s possible. HHH uses the spinebuster, which I don’t think had a name when Anderson used it.

I think I remember it being called the Anderson Drop at one point, which I kind of like. Did he really invent that move? If he did, that’s quite cool. Naturally HHH beats on Shawn even more with a focus on his back. Despite being introduced earlier as HBK, Ross says he’s no longer the Heart Break Kid. Is there a reason for that? To further complete the likelihood that Shawn will win the title, he gets launched through the bulletproof, yes I said bulletproof glass.

Despite being nearly murdered, he keeps fighting. There comes a point where things just get stupid. Also, credit should go to HHH for staying in this, but I don’t get why he stayed in there if he was hurt, given the ending, but whatever. Shawn catapults HHH into the cage to get another break as the fans are in this to an extent but I think they’re just spent at this point as we’re at about thirty seven minutes at this point. For the thousandth time, Shawn has heart. Note to JR: WE GET IT!

In a flat out DUMB looking spot, Shawn goes to the top rope and literally just stands there for a few seconds, not even looking at HHH. HHH clearly gets up, but Shawn goes to the top of the pod behind him and HHH LAYS BACK DOWN to get the elbow. Ok, I get that it’s staged and everything, but give me a break. At least get kicked or something before you go down. That’s just freaking idiotic.

If nothing else it got the fans into it again for a bit, but at this point I think they know what’s coming here. Those brown tights are just moronic looking. Was there some massive joke about wardrobe tonight or something that was preplanned? Between Show and HBK I feel like I’m watching a bad Christmas play put on by an elementary school.

To further stupefy this match, Shawn kicks out of the freaking Pedigree. Ok, that’s it. This is freaking absurd. Ok, I get that Shawn is a big star. I get that Shawn is one of the biggest stars of all time. I get that his comeback here is something that is very impressive.

But to do this now with HHH giving him not one but TWO massive rubs that A, Shawn doesn’t need and B, someone, ANYONE of the other four guys in this match could have made a career out of is without a doubt the most self centered, egotistical thing that I can ever remember seeing. I know he’s a bit better about it now, but this is just more HHH nonsense. If you want to give Shawn the title for the nostalgic run, fine, but blast it give someone else a freaking rub!

Don’t make it look like Shawn, who at this point is a has been off the street (He hadn’t wrestled or trained hardcore in YEARS at this point so he’s starting completely from scratch) is able to not only beat HHH once, but get through Kane, RVD, Booker and Chris freaking Jericho to do it? Are you telling me that you consider them that low on the totem pole Vince?

Yes, Shawn is a bigger star than every single one of them, but to say that he could beat them all in his second match in four and a half years based on sheer will and heart alone is as big of a slap in the face as you can give to those four men that are working so hard and getting FAR bigger pops than Shawn has gotten all night long.

Shawn comes in LAST and lays around getting beaten on for most of the match and really just doing jack in this match other than with HHH, so let’s reward him with the belt and another title reign that means nothing while everyone else that goes out there and works to have a good match and get the audience into the show, a.k.a. CARRYING THE MATCH, is just built up to be eventually fed to, you guessed it, HHH.

Of those four guys, let’s see what they would go on to do after this. Booker: feud with HHH, get massive pops, have the best run of his life, and then job to HHH at Mania in a throwaway match. Kane: fed to Batista, ANOTHER musclehead that couldn’t do a thing back then. Jericho; fed to Shawn in a good feud. RVD: nothing.

With no IC title to hunt for because HHH has to be CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, RVD just kind of floated around for awhile until getting a tag team with Kane that won the pointless tag belts. Shawn and HHH, who were doing WONDERS for the ratings, (as in taking them to levels of low not seen this millennium) would keep feuding over the belt before HHH fought ANOTHER muscle guy in Scott Steiner for two months in what are considered to be two of the worst matches of all time.

All the while, Benoit and Angle and Lesnar would be having some of the best matches in years on Smackdown and getting NO recognition for it, because they weren’t named Shawn and HHH. I can certainly see where the hate for HHH came from back in the day, as this was nothing but an ego play on his and Shawn’s part. They just HAD to be the center of attention again because they think it’s 1997 again, and Shawn still can’t draw.

Instead of letting guys like Van Dam or Booker or Benoit or Angle, the guys that are getting pops and having great matches, carry the company, we get more “nostalgia” moments that no one wants to see because HHH and Shawn want to clutch to their old spots, and even today, eight days before the Hell in a Cell PPV, they’re still doing it. I really hate them both at this moment, but that’ll pass in awhile. As for the match, Shawn gets up and counters another Pedigree for the kick and the belt to end it.

Rating: B. Despite my longest rant ever here, this was a good match. I HATE the way they decided to end it, but the match and the drama were there. The intervals between eliminations were all relatively long with the shortest being like seven minutes or so, which I like.

It makes it seem like these people are hard to eliminate, which is the point of the match. The wrestling is there, but this is a long match. Next year’s would be too short though, so around thirty minutes is where this needs to go. This was good though, despite my own bias about it.

Overall Rating: B-. As I read on another review of this show, the wrestling is good, the booking is bad. I don’t like using the same conclusions I found somewhere else, but that’s exactly right. The wrestling here really is solid, but the Guerreros, Big Show and Shawn winning just don’t work for me, plain and simple. Luckily for the two singles titles, they only lasted for a month as both changed hands again at Armageddon.

This is a different kind of show, similar to maybe the Rumble with everything leading up to one major match, which is ok I guess. I could easily see some people being bored out of their minds here while others love every second of it. Go find a copy of the tag title match but I’d only watch the first fall as it’s some of the most entertaining stuff you’ll ever find. If you’re a fan of HHH and HBK, you’ll love the main event and vice versa. Overall, it’s good but not great, so I’ll recommend it with an asterisk.

Smackdown
Date: February 18, 2011
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

It’s the last show before Elimination Chamber and we might have a new World Heavyweight Champion.  It wasn’t really clear on Raw as to what was going on with that but we’ll find out tonight.  Also, Vickie says that she has proof that Edge was the one that attacked Teddy Long.  Finally we have the six faces in the Chamber matches vs. the six heels in the Chamber matches.  Let’s get to it.

We see clips of Smackdown over the years as this is the 600^th episode.  We talk about the 12 man tag which is a bit much don’t you think?

Theme song hits.  Since Cena is here tonight I can tell you to get your reinforcements.

Dolph’s coronation is tonight.

Here’s Edge to open the show.  Oh wait this is the 12 man.

Edge/Randy Orton/John Morrison/R-Truth/Rey Mysterio/John Cena vs. CM Punk/Sheamus/Wade Barrett/Drew McIntyre/Kane/Dolph Ziggler

 

Great pops for all the faces with Rey as the hometown boy or Orton getting the best.  No rapping for Truth here.  This crowd is white hot.  Booker takes offense to Cole calling Sheamus the best king of all time.  Quite the lineup here.  Kane competed in the first Friday Night Smackdown.  Are we really just not acknowledging the Thursday show anymore?  Is there a reason that Ziggler’s initials on his trunks are backwards?

Edge and Sheamus start but Drew wants a tag immediately so more or less he and Edge start us off.  I’ll try to keep up with the tags but I make no promises.  Edge beats the heck out of him, pounding him down in the corner and getting a big boot for good measure.  Truth comes in and Booker gets all excited.  Cole says Truth actually knows what city he’s in here.

Off to Ziggler who gets taken down immediately.  Orton comes in to a ROAR.  Loud Randy chant as we hear about Ziggler winning the title by DQ.  Big kneedrop by Orton gets two on Dolph.  Off to Cena who gets a nice reaction of his own.  Ziggler hammers away at Cena which doesn’t last long at all.  Now we get to the interesting part of the show as we talk about Rock ripping into Cena on Monday.  And that’s the end of that as we simply say Rock ripped into Cena.

Morrison in now but Starship Pain is avoided and Ziggler gets a reverse slam off the top as we take a break.  Back with Sheamus beating on Morrison and getting two.  MAD heat on Punk as he comes in.  Booker and Cole argue over the toughness of names as Rey comes in to a big pop.  619 is blocked into a backbreaker for two and it’s off to Kane.  Bearhug by the Big Fried Freak.  Rey is up in the air for this and it looks like Kane is cuddling him.

Rey gets thrown into the corner but fights his way out of it and manages to avoid a chokeslam.  Kane sends him to the floor into the waiting knee of Punk as we take our second break of the match.  Back with Barrett beating on Rey and tagging in Sheamus.  Rey can’t get a tag and the beating continues.  Booker doesn’t seem to be incredibly familiar with Sheamus.

Mysterio almost gets a tag but Sheamus keeps pulling him back and gets the Irish Curse to stop it one more time.  That only gets two though and it’s back off to Barrett.  Miz is in action later tonight.  Rey avoids a charge but goes up top for a moonsault instead of tagging.  It’s enough for a tag (which the referee clearly didn’t see but allows anyway) to bring in Edge.

Edgecution sets up the spear but Sheamus intercepts it with the Brogue Kick.  We get the expected sequence of finishers as everyone runs in to hit something.  I’m not even going to try to keep track of them all. Rey winds up getting a double 619 on Ziggler and Barrett to allow Edge to hit a good spear on Ziggler for the pin at 11:57 shown of 18:57 total.  That spear was more like a Gore as Ziggler bounced off and Edge didn’t just stop as it hit.  Good shot.

Rating: B-. This was only going to be so good as with that many people in it they couldn’t get an incredibly match out of it.  It wasn’t supposed to be a great match though as it was only there to be an all star match for the most part which is exactly what it was.  Fun stuff and a good little treat for the crowd.

Post match Vickie comes out to say it’s time for Edge to hand over the title.  We get a clip from last week with Clay Matthews running in to count the pin after the illegal spar.  This is a relief as the ending would have made no sense at all otherwise.  Also Vickie knows that Edge attacked Teddy Long.  Without showing the evidence, Vickie fires Edge and we take a break.

The announcers argue about Vickie for a bit.

We see the video of Cody having his face broken by Rey and his knee brace.  Todd talks to Dashing Cody Rhodes who is ready to address the world.  He’s in a mask ala Hannibal Lecter.  While the surgery was a success his journey has stalled over a masked something (he didn’t finish what he was saying after masked).  He’s cleared for travel and will be making an announcement on Smackdown next week.

Eve Torres/Beth Phoenix vs. Layla/Maryse

 

After the faces enter we take a break and get a clip of the first regular episode of Smackdown (remember that there was a pilot about four months earlier) from August of 99.  Michelle has a bad foot so is out for awhile.  Beth vs. Maryse to start.  Michelle is on commentary and wants to know why Eve is the Divas Champion when Michelle got a pin also.

Off to Layla vs. Eve with the champion dominating.  Michelle seems a bit irritated by Layla here as we continue to push the split.  Eve fires away with kicks and Michelle gets off commentary.  She limps up the steps and gets in the face of Layla.  Beth hits her in the foot to bring her down.  In the confusion, Layla and Maryse hit what I think was supposed to be a double superkick so that Layla can pin Eve at 2:27.  No rating as this was mainly Layla vs. Eve but this was no worse than your usual Divas match.

It’s time to talk about the Rock.  Booker says this show should have been named the Book Show instead of Smackdown.  Yes, we should have named a show after a guy that wouldn’t be in the company for over two years.  We see the same ten minute or so video from NXT which is still awesome.  I finally got the electricity part: he’s electrifying after all right?

Another Smackdown moment is the 9/11 show.  That is indeed awesome and the #1 moment in Smackdown history.

Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz

 

This should be good.  I’m in the minority here but I absolutely love hearing Cole talk about Miz.  Basic back and forth style to start with Kofi grabbing an armbar.  Booker praises Miz, saying he worked his way up from the bottom and that he has charisma.  He does have a big mouth however but Cole doesn’t care as he has Booker’s endorsement of the Miz.

Miz is sent into the corner and Kofi tries what looks like either a Stinger Splash or a jumping Superman punch.  Either way he misses and lands on the middle rope.  Miz kicks the foot out though and takes over as we take a break.  Back with Miz in control with a kick to the gut and a suplex for two.

Kofi fights back with kicks but can’t get the SOS.  Miz is sent into the middle buckle and Kofi gets a shot for two.  Kofi kind of misses the pendulum kick in the corner and gets the cross body for two.  Backbreaker/neckbreaker combination (that needs a name) by Miz gets two.  They’re going back and forth here but neither is seeming to go for the kill yet.  Kofi does that thing where it looks like he bounces his head off the top rope to spring backwards.

Superman punch sets up the Boom Drop which sets up the Trouble in Paradise.  Here’s Alberto though, doing what can almost be called Slick’s walk down the aisle.  The distraction lets Miz get a rollup for two in a nice false finish.  Kofi puts Miz down for a second but Alberto snaps his scarf at him which is enough of a distraction to allow Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale to end it at 6:46 shown of 10:16.

Rating: C+. These are the kind of wins Miz needs and the kind of matches I’d love to see more often on WWE TV.  In one week he’s beaten Bryan clean and Kofi not quite clean.  Kofi and Bryan aren’t on Miz’s level so it’s not like they’re being dropped down or anything.  Miz looks good and gets credible wins, no one is lowered in value and we get decent matches.  What’s wrong with that?

Alberto looks down at Kofi without saying anything.  They have a match at the PPV which was announced on WWE.com.

We run down how awesome WWE is by showing the list of the top ten shows that have been on the air for the most amount of episodes.  Raw is at 925 at #1 and Smackdown is at #3 with Gunsmoke is second.  I shudder to think of the day when Raw hits 1000 episodes.

Eddie’s celebration for winning the title is another Smackdown moment.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

 

How many matches can these two teams have?  No backup for the challengers here and no Tamina either.  Vlad vs. Gabriel to start us off here.  Gabriel is sent to the floor and here come Barrett/Jackson.  Kozlov looks at Barrett and takes a chop block from Gabriel.  Off to Slater now who stomps away.  Santino comes in to fight Gabriel and it’s a strike off.  Saluting headbutt gets two.  Cobra to Gabriel but Barrett and Jackson run in for the DQ at 2:00.

Big Show runs down for the save and for once Jackson doesn’t kill him.  They have a staredown though.  Jackson teases getting in but smiles and leaves instead.

Another Smackdown moment is Booker vs. Austin in the grocery store.  That’s one of my all time favorites.

It’s time for the coronation.  Ziggler and Vickie are in the ring and the title is between them.  Dolph is officially the new World Heavyweight Champion.  Yes, a member of the Spirit Squad is a World Heavyweight Champion.  He holds up the title and it’s the Mack Militant.  He says Vickie and Dolph look like they’re seeing a ghost.

Teddy says Vickie never investigated anything and that it was odd that it was Ziggler and Vickie there first.  Vickie starts talking and Teddy says SHUT UP to a big pop.  Vickie sells Dolph out, saying that it was all his idea to attack Teddy.  He says to clear the ring because we’re going to have a world title match RIGHT NOW.  Vickie had the power to fire people but he has the power to rehire people, and he has rehired Dolph’s opponent right now.

Smackdown World Title: Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler

 

After a break the bell rings and we’re off.  Edge starts like a house of fire, taking everyone down almost immediately.  The now legal spear misses as Edge hits the post.  Even Cole can’t defend Vickie here which is saying a lot.  Back in the ring and Ziggler locks on a chinlock.  Edge fights out of it but the champion hits a Fameasser.  Ziggler tries a Zig Zag but the spear gives Edge world title #11 I think at 3:02.  Yep that’s it.

Rating: D+. It probably shouldn’t be graded but it’s just long enough.  Was there a point in having Ziggler get beaten in three minutes like this?  You can’t just give him the title until Sunday so that he has like a three day reign or something?  I don’t get this but they tries at least.  I suppose it’s so they could have a big moment on the 600^th show or something.

Dolph Ziggler is fired post match, meaning there’s an open spot in the Chamber.  Edge says excuse me but tonight has been a long party.  Seeing Dolph get fired makes Edge feel like singing.  I think you all know the words.  Hey and there’s confetti!  This ends the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Much better show this week than last week and it’s still not that great.  There was a much better focus on wrestling here with far fewer squashes and more of an overall theme to the show.  You had two title matches and two title changes along with angles being advanced and a mystery going into the Chamber PPV.  Not bad at all although it could have been a bit better with some more wrestling.  Good show though.

Results

John Cena/R-Truth/Edge/Rey Mysterio/Randy Orton/John Morrison b. Dolph Ziggler/Sheamus/Wade Barrett/Kane/CM Punk/Drew McIntyre – Spear to Ziggler

Maryse/Layla b. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres – Double Superkick to Eve

The Miz b. Kofi Kingston Skull Crushing Finale

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov b. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater via DQ when the Corre interfered

Edge b. Dolph Ziggler – Spear

Not sure how I got to Friday without making this thread.  Obviously the Rock is back in WWE at least for one more night.  Thoughts on this?  Thoughts on Mania?

Impact
Date: February 17, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: The Boy Is Back In Town

It’s the first show after Against All Odds and we have a new TNA World Heavyweight Champion in the form of Jeff Hardy who still isn’t clear of jail time after his drug charges.  Other than him though it was a very bad night for Immortal as only Jeff Hardy and Jeff Jarrett won on Sunday.  It should be interesting to see where we go from here.  Let’s get to it.

We open with clips from after Against All Odds with Jarrett saying Kurt will deliver his princess to him on March 3^rd.  Jeff Hardy says he made ladder matches famous and still is at 33 years old.  RVD vs. Jeff Hardy for the world title tonight.  I’m not saying a word.

Here’s Immortal to open the show.  Eric brings out Jeff Hardy for the celebration.  He talks about how Immortal is still dominant despite Fourtune leaving.  As he’s talking we see Flair arriving.  Matt Hardy vs. Styles tonight.  Eric talks about how Jeff Hardy was supposed to get some time off but he got a call from the network who wants ratings.  Therefore tonight Jeff Hardy has to defend the title against RVD tonight.  Bischoff is going to try to avoid it but right now that’s the plan.

Eric now shifts over to Flair who he’s not sure about.  It gives Eric a weird feeling that he doesn’t like so Flair has until next week.  Cue Flair’s music and here he is.  He says that only one person gave him an ultimatum.  That person was his 3^rd ex wife.  Everyone in this ring grew up on Ric Flair and he even got together with Hogan after 25 years.

Did you forget he’s a wrestling god?  When he was in Europe people didn’t call him Ric.  They just called him God.  Cue a God chant of course.  Flair says that he’ll see them later and we really get no resolution here.  Flair definitely came off like a face here.

The Jarretts are getting massages and talk about the wedding vows on March 3^rd.  They talk about tuxedos and imply sex later.  That’s the only way to put it really.

We’re back and Matt Hardy and AJ Styles are in a fight in the back.  Immortal runs in as does Fourtune and it’s a big brawl.

We get some clips of Kurt from Sunday looking very sad after losing.  Now we talk about the ladder match.  Hey, did you know both Jeffs won on Sunday?  I didn’t know if the three clip packages and talking about it in 20 minutes made that clear enough.

Sarita/Rosita run into Hernandez in the back and he walks to the ring with them after some Spanish chatting.

Douglas Williams vs. Hernandez

 

Hernandez jumps him in the aisle and beats the living heck out of him while the girls cheer him on.  Hernandez throws him in the ring and chokes him with what looks like a shirt.  Velvet runs down and beats up Sarita a bit but Rosita takes care of her.  Angelina comes out to even things up and they brawl.  Wasn’t there a match going on?  Back in the ring an absolutely SICK Border Toss ends this.  Williams landed right on the back of his head and if he didn’t seriously hurt his neck I’ll be surprised.  Match ran 2:00 even and a large amount of that was the fight between the girls.

Eric is on the phone with someone from the network and is trying to get Jeff Hardy out of the title defense tonight.  This goes over about as well as Eugene in a feature match at Summerslam did and we take a break.

Back with Pope in the ring with a stuffed pig on a table.  It looks like a party of some kind.  He says that he’s a hot Pope and the pig is a sloppy Joe.  Pope wants to talk about Jesus and just like he fed thousands with fish and bread, he’s going to feed everyone here with that pig.  Ronald Regan and Michael Jackson believe in him apparently, as does Jesus who texted him and believes in Pope too.  That last bit was funny.

Pope wants to know who is first but it’ll cost $10 a pop.  Cue Joe’s music and he’s ticked.  Okato is behind Pope and when pope tries to run Okato kicks him in the chest.  Joe drills Pope in the corner and it’s a Muscle Buster through the pig.  Pope gets the apple shoved in his mouth.

Back and Robbie E and Cookie say they’re going to win the title again.  In the back Kazarian is kissing Traci Brooks (real life wife) and it’s time for a match.

X-Division Title: Kazarian vs. Robbie E

 

Not sure if this is a title match or not.  Before the match Kaz runs down Cookie and says she’s ugly with the makeup.  She gets ticked off and leaves.  Yes this is a title match apparently.  Robbie is all aggressive to start and Kaz is in trouble.  Beautiful People vs. Sarita/Rosita tonight.  Kaz gets a springboard elbow and a leg lariat to take over.  And then Cookie comes out with a big purse to hit Kaz in the head with for the DQ at 1:57.  No rating of course but Robbie showed some nice aggression here.  Traci bounces down and it’s a mini cat fight.

Flair goes in to talk to Fourtune and seems to be accepted by them.  He has presents for them and of course they get Iced.  AJ can wait until after his big match though.  They chant chug and down the drinks.  Storm drinks AJ’s just because he can.

AJ vs. Matt Hardy next.

Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles

 

See?  I told you it was next.  AJ sprints to the ring in the athletic pants of doom and goes off on Matt.  He busts out a huge tope con hilo to half kill Matt.  Ah good he got rid of the warm-up pants and has regular tights under them.  Back in the ring and Matt gets a Side Effect for two.  Matt grabs a Cravate and here’s Flair to play cheerleader.

AJ gets up and seems to rub Matt’s face to take him to the mat.  Styles Clash is blocked and they speed it up a bit with Matt tripping over AJ.  Nice dropkick puts Matt down and AJ goes up.  And then Flair shoves him off the top, naturally joining Immortal again as it was about as obvious as you could get.  Twist of Hate ends it at 3:25.

Rating: C. Match was just long enough to grade but was nothing special at all.  As soon as Flair was there the swerve was completely obvious.  Somehow this is by far the best match of the night and it barely ran 200 seconds.  That might be good though as Matt isn’t someone that can go long distance for the most part.

Flair and Matt beat down AJ until Fourtune runs them off.

Anderson is mad and wants Bischoff.

The Jarretts are in a hot tub.  Can’t complain much with Karen in there.

Anderson wants Bischoff and here comes the silver fox.  He’s annoyed that RVD is getting the title shot tonight.  Despite losing clean on Sunday, Anderson thinks he’s been robbed.  The network decided that RVD got the shot tonight.  Anderson wants to know since when did the network have anything to do with anything around here.  Put him in the ring and that’s ratings.  Bischoff says that Anderson needs to PG himself down a bit.

Anderson says he’ll take the word out of his vocabulary and Bischoff talks more.  Eric will put him in the main event as the guest referee.  Jeff won clean on Sunday and Eric says that Anderson can get a shot if he plays it fair tonight.  Mic Check leaves Bischoff laying.  Anderson is supposed to be TNA’s Austin and it’s just not there.  Points for trying though I guess.

Velvet is talking to Winter and Velvet wants Winter to stay out of ringside tonight.  Velvet turns her back and Winter picks up some scissors until Angelina comes in.  Winter says Velvet could never feel for Angelina like Winter does.  Velvet leaves and Winter says all will be revealed.

AJ is ticked about Flair and says this is about AJ vs. Flair.

Angelina Love/Velvet Sky vs. Rosita/Sarita

 

The brawl starts in the aisle as you would expect.  Velvet vs. Sarita starts us off officially.  Off to Rosita as the fans are rather quiet.  Tandem elbow drop from the Beautiful People gets no cover as Sarita breaks it up.  World’s Strongest Slam from Angelina to Rosita and it’s off to Sarita again.  Backbreaker gets two for Angelina and Velvet comes in again.

The cousins are tagging in a lot.  Rosita doesn’t seem to want to stay in and keeps bringing Sarita in, which ticks her off.  Everything breaks down with Angelina and Rosita on the floor.  Velvet tries a DDT but Rosita trips her up and holds the feet down for the pin at 3:52.  Can we please break 4 minutes?  Please?

Rating: D. Weak match here with a predictable ending.  There was no way the Beautiful People were going to be able to win here and everyone knew it.  This went nowhere for the most part and was just to continue the losing streak by Velvet.  Somehow this is the longest match of the night.  That’s a little absurd.

Velvet says she wants to end this with Sarita.  Sarita says Velvet is a loser then remembers she’s supposed to have an accent.  Sarita wants Velvet’s career on the line and Velvet says bring it on.

The Jarretts are going to dinner.  More sex is implied.

Kurt is mad and is going to their dinner party.

Madison is talking to Tara and says she’s knocked out the entire locker room so she’s bored.  There’s an open challenge next week.

Next week there’s a pose down between Terry and Steiner.

We recap RVD’s world title win and him having to vacate the title due to the attack by Abyss.  Also we see about Hardy betraying him and being responsible for the attack on RVD.  Hardy says he’s going to hurt Van Dam.

The Jarretts are complaining about the food and toast Kurt having to be humiliated on March 3^rd.  Karen complains about the wine and Jarrett goes off on the chef.  And here’s Kurt who just somehow got in the restaurant.  He wants to know where the tip is.  This was uh….odd.

RVD says tonight he gets his shot and preparation meets opportunity.  The title is just a bonus.

Since we need to make sure no match gets anything resembling a decent amount of time tonight we talk about the Dudley street fight at the PPV but Spike won’t let them show the footage.  D-Von won’t give comments but Ray comes out to the table.  Ray goes all bully on them and Tazz has something to say about it.  Ray says that if he wants to smack Tenay (this old man) then he will.  Tazz says no you won’t because you crossed the line Sunday.  Isn’t that the point of the company.  Ray slaps Tenay’s headset off and leaves.

TNA World Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy

 

Anderson is the guest referee.  He does his usual intro but calls Green Bay Title Tow USA to mess the fans up a bit.  Taz says that Jeff’s entrance is inspired by Lady Gaga.  Oh dear he’s coming out of an egg.  I give up.  RVD, the guy that is so angry, starts with a collar and elbow tie up.  He gets the one footed dropkick to Hardy who is crotched on the top.  Flair vs. AJ is announced for next week.

All RVD to start.  To the floor and RVD drapes him over the barricade so he can hit the spinning leg kick to the back as we take a break.  Back with Van Dam hitting something on Hardy that we couldn’t see since when we came back the camera was on the monitor above the ring and then cut away.  Either way it gets two for the challenger.  Split Legged Moonsault out of the corner eats knees though.

Hardy gets a low dropkick to send RVD’s ribs into the post.  Sitout Gordbuster gets two for Jeff.  Whisper in the Wind misses and Van Dam gets a standing moonsault for no cover.  Van Dam gets shoved to the floor and Jeff takes over again.  Swanton gets two.  Five Star gets two as Jeff gets his foot on the ropes.  Van Dam tries to get a rollup but accidentally runs Jeff into the corner where Anderson is standing.  A low blow by Hardy when Anderson can’t see it sets up the Twist of Hate to end it at 12:20.

Rating: C+. The match was fine and thankfully it got some time unlike the rest of the matches tonight, but this should have been at Victory Road instead of on Impact.  Anderson added very little here but I guess it’s supposed to set up the continuance of their feud and make him look more like Austin.  Either way, not bad here but nothing I’ll remember in a few days.

Anderson hits the Mic Check on Hardy post match and Van Dam complains about the low blow.  Here’s a Mic Check for Van Dam as well to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. Yeah this was pretty bad.  The main problem here is simple: until the main event which started at 10:47, we had (rounded up to) 11:30 of wrestling.  I’m sorry but that’s unacceptable for me in nearly two hours of wrestling.  They gave us a decent main event which should have been a PPV main event but instead we got it with about two hours of buildup.  If nothing else make THIS the main event March 3^rd but that’s Hogan and the Jarretts’ night I guess.

Overall the show was too light on wrestling and all of the talking they did amounted to nothing.  Flair returned and was with Fourtune for about an hour before joining Immortal again.  That and the Jarretts were the main focus of the show tonight.  All in all it’s a big preview for March 3^rd which seems to be the new norm for TNA: have supershows instead of the PPVs as the main thing.  That’s fine, but it makes the TV shows pretty boring on the way there.  Bad show this week after TNA had been on a hot streak lately.

Results

Hernandez b. Douglas Williams – Border Toss

Kazarian b. Robbie E via DQ when Cookie hit Kazarian with a purse

Matt Hardy b. AJ Styles – Twist of Hate

Rosita/Sarita b. Angelina Love/Velvet Sky – Rosita pinned Velvet when Sarita held Rosita’s legs

Jeff Hardy b. Rob Van Dam – Twist of Hate

Bash at the Beach 2000
Date: July 9, 2000
Location: Ocean Center, Daytona Beach, Florida
Attendance: 6,572
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden

Ok so this is a show I get asked about a lot due to an infamous segment in it so I figured I might as well just do it once and for all. Well that and someone requested the whole show so there we are. We’re back at the birthplace of the NWO so you know they’re going to try to do something “shocking.” The main event is supposed to be Hogan vs. Jarrett but you know that’s not going to work. The company is just dead in the water at this point and they’re just waiting to be put out of their misery. Let’s get to it.

Ernest Miller who is the commissioner for the week has the guy formerly known as Ice Train, his limo driver, to prevent outside interference in the cruiserweight title match. The Jung Dragons jump him and he beats them up in a badly choreographed sequence that went absolutely nowhere. The opening video has no narration and is just clips of the main event.

Masterlock, as in the company that makes actual locks, is the sponsor. Let that sink in for a bit.

Oh and yes, it’s THAT Mark Madden on commentary.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud Guerrera vs. Lieutenant Loco

This is Filthy Animals vs. M.I.A. We have Konnan, Disco and Madden in the same vicinity. It’s a WrestleZone reunion! Konnan is so annoying. Disco is even more annoying. Loco is more commonly known as Chavo Guerrero and is the champion but Juvy stole the belt. Oh and remember that thing where we were told there weren’t supposed to have anyone at ringside? There are only 8 of them so far. The referee throws them all out as I have no idea what these people were supposed to be. We get into an argument over what Sports Entertainment is. Oh dear.

Juvy runs early and sits on the stage pointing at his crotch. Can we like, wrestle? We have a boring chant 8 minutes into the show. Madden reminds us that the Jung Dragons, the people that jumped Miller to start the show, had made a deal with Miller on Thunder. Madden calls Juvy the Juicer-Weight Champion.

A piece of Juvy’s hair falls out while he’s in the chinlock. Madden is already on my nerves. Juvy keeps trying to run so Chavo spanks him. Chavo hits a great dive to the floor to half kill Juvy. Chavo was one of the few things that was just awesome in the dying days of WCW. He hit a groove for the last 6-7 months or so and was untouchable and it was just starting here.

The Filthy Animals come out in masks to be at ringside, making the whole order earlier completely pointless. And with no one telling them to, they leave. Tony thinks they planned this. Something to keep in mind here: you’re going to see or read about a LOT of stuff that is completely and utterly ridiculous and or stupid in this show so be prepared. Just be glad I’m not doing Raw or Thunder.

Thunder became a comedy show as they literally often edited the show wrong so it wasn’t in order, meaning there would be explanations for things that hadn’t happened yet or matches ending before they began. And this is the legitimate second biggest company in the country at the moment.

And here’s MIA dressed as Bill Clinton. MIA is Misfits in Action for those of you lucky enough to not know. Their big chested girl comes out and takes her shirt off to distract Juvy and it only gets two, making it pointless. The Juvy Driver gets two as this has been a decent match. The Tornado DDT ends it for Chavo.

Rating: B-. Very good opener here, but again, what did we need the run-ins for? You have two guys that can fly and do their thing out there as well as anyone but instead we need 9 run-ins and girls taking their clothes off and masks. Again, good wrestling is overshadowed by cheap parlor tricks.

The Jung Dragons are in Miller’s office and we get the point: they’re parodying Rush Hour. Ignore the fact that the movie came out two years before this and the sequel wouldn’t come until next year. They’re using quotes from the movie and we have a black guy that can’t shut up and Asians that only partially understand. Jarrett comes in and wants Hogan. He has a fat woman here to sing for Hogan. I kid you not. Hogan isn’t here yet. Oh and the belt he’s wearing is a replica of the real belt which is damaged and it’s very obvious due to an outline around the edges.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. ???

Vito is a mobster or Italian stereotype or something. It was supposed to be Johnny the Bull and Terry Funk but they hurt each other so instead we get these two.

Hardcore Title: Big Vito vs. Norman Smiley/Ralphus

Smiley got ridiculously over as hardcore champion so they immediately pulled him off TV. This is his return. According to WCW hardcore rules, the match has to start in the back and work its way to the ring. That of course doesn’t happen here but they mention it anyway.

They do it backwards so they go to the back after starting in the arena. And now they have to go back to the ring for the pin to end in there. Yes, they managed to screw up the hardcore division by adding rules to the division without rules. Norman does the Big Wiggle which is basically a dance that is supposed to look like sodomy. Ralphus is toothless and incredibly fat so he wears a half shirt. He also beats up the champion.

Norman’s character is that he’s terrified of being beaten up yet he kept retaining the belt by accident. For instance he had an I Quit match for the belt but he got hit in the throat by a martial arts shot and couldn’t speak. The guy he was fighting shouted at him to say I quit, thereby losing the match.

The thing is Smiley could go move for move with Benoit or Regal and was hilarious at comedy stuff so he got incredibly popular. Like I said, he was then taken off TV as a reward. He gets thrown in an elevator so it’s Ralphus vs. Vito. The fans chant for Ralphus so of course he gets his teeth kicked in. It’s table time. A splash through Ralphus ends it. Norman comes back after the match to do nothing.

Rating: D. So let’s look at this again: WCW based this match on the return of a guy and then had him leave the match halfway through and has him lose. There’s another example of the questionable booking that’s going on here. It’s just the lack of logic in the booking that you get like this.

Ad for New Blood Rising, the next PPV.

Goldberg, the heel (another BRILLIANT move as we turned the only popular guy left in the company heel) shows up with Scott Hall’s contract in his pocket. He has a match with Nash for that later on.

Nash wants Hall to come back. And remember, these same two would still be tag champions over ten years later.

We recap Daffney vs. Miss Hancock (Stacy Keibler). The idea is that David Flair left his storyline fiancé Daffney for his real life fiancé Miss Hancock. In other words we’re having a match over an angle being dropped. This is what we were dealing with here. Oh and it’s a wedding gown match.

Miss Hancock vs. Daffney

Naturally Stacy looks gorgeous. This wound up going to a pregnancy angle where there was supposed to be incest of some kind, I believe with Stacy being Ric’s daughter or him being the father of the baby or something like that. It never came through due to the lack of business but whatever. And yes that’s the Scream Queen of TNA. She’s also the better in ring competitor here. Stacy is 20 here. That’s hard to believe.

There’s wedding cake here too. Instead of trying to win they go for the cake. David is on his second interference so far. The referee gets pantsed and so does David. Now the girls chase each other around the ring and we try to shave Daffney’s head. Oh look it’s Crowbar to interfere even more. He takes his pants off to keep things even. We do get a funny line of “he’s choking David Flair with his pants!” And then Stacy just strips for the heck of it so that Daffney wins. Daffney hits her with cake.

Rating: N/A. Not wrestling, but the girls both looked good. This is what I get for watching WCW from 2000 though so I bring this on myself.

Ernest Miller wants to find Ox Baker to be on the card (he had been retired for 12 years and would be in his late 60s at this point) and is walking around in the back. The Jung Dragons try to sneak up on him but they have music accompanying them wherever they go, so they can’t sneak up on him. And you thought TNA was illogical.

According to Tony it’s clear that Miller is waiting on the arrival of Hogan. While the announcers talk the fans behind him get more interested in something else and look the other way for something with the announcers not noticing at all. The delay is to clean up the cake by the way because we couldn’t put down a mat or a removable thing to prevent this kind of a delay.

Tony: “it was here…well not here but close to here, about 80 miles from here. Now let’s go back to two years later…” He can’t even speak English properly! By the way we’re at about 5 minutes of just killing time here while we clean up the mat because you know, there isn’t a promo or something we could go to or a segment where some young guys get some camera time to develop their characters a tiny bit. That could never happen right?

Tag Titles: Perfect Event vs. Kronik

That would be Chuck Palumbo/Shawn Stasiak vs. Adam Bomb/Crush by the way. Stasiak is using Mr. Perfect’s music and is called Perfectshawn. They even feuded. The same happened with Palumbo and Lex Luger. Kronik were made up of weed jokes. This of course is the top tag feud in the company.

Kronik had the belts and the Perfect Event “accidentally” won them and we’re constantly told that Kronik should destroy the champions here and get the belts back. Great way to build up the champions there guys. Palumbo has a flex bar called the Lex Flexor. You know, so we can be reminded of the guy that he’s imitating and that did the gimmick better.

So the champions are being destroyed here and this is perfectly fine apparently. They try to have Crush (why bother with the real names?) is supposed to be dumped over the top due to heel cheating. It doesn’t work but it’s sold by the announcers anyway. Hey, the champions are actually winning! Tony: “we’re not used to seeing the champions in control like this!”

See what I mean here? No title in WCW meant a thing so there was no point to watch feuds to get to a title which meant there was no point to building big matches so there was no point in watching. Another line from Tony: “Amazingly they’re (the champions) in charge!” Could you please stop burying your champions?

The match is barely watchable at best as they’re going through a standard formula but the dynamic is all wrong as the big strong guys are the faces in peril which is completely backwards from what it’s supposed to be. Oh and Kronik could be hired to protect people, which is nothing at all like the Acolyte PROTECTION Agency which was also two big guys that beat people up for money. See with the APA, one guy wasn’t white. Totally different characters entirely. What a silly mistake to make!

Crush uses what we would call an F5 and I say uses in the weakest sense of the word. This is of course a total mess and has no real resemblance of a tag match. Double chokeslam to Stasiak but Palumbo saves. He gets a double shot as well and a Doomsday Device with a powerbomb instead of an electric chair ends it. Oh and the crowd is 16,000 people now instead of about 6,500 like it really is.

Rating: D-. Like I said the dynamic here was completely off. This just did nothing at all and the booking of the champions gave me no reason at all to watch this match. It was FAR too long also at almost fifteen minutes. Yes these guys got 13 minutes or so on PPV, which is longer than Chavo and Juvy, two talented guys, got. See the problem here?

The Cat is trying to get James Brown on the PPV (they actually did that at one point) and Jarrett comes in as he looks for the Jung Dragons or whoever is making that music. Jarrett threatens to mess up the show because he’s bored. So am I buddy. The Dragons beat him up.

Kanyon vs. Booker T

Kanyon is Positively Kanyon here as he imitates DDP. Seriously, is ANYONE here an original character? We hear of a graveyard match later on which is the KISS Demon vs. Vampiro. Oh I can’t wait for that one. Booker is one of the few guys in WCW to get to the top from the ground and he was pretty impressive in doing so. Booker is over as free beer in a frat house here.

Why are these guys fighting again? Oh we’re not going to be told? Ok then just thought I’d ask. Madden goes on a rant against DDP of course because DDP had talent and people cared about him at some point. Allegedly Kanyon is wearing DDP’s tights. Pay no attention to the fact that DDP normally wore black or jeans and Kanyon is in red or that the tights look nothing like DDP’s but whatever.

Booker takes a brick out of the DDP book that Kanyon is carrying with him. And then Booker slips getting out of the ring. Kanyon puts the steps on Booker and drives them down with a chair. The referee doesn’t seem to care as I guess he’s as put to sleep as I am by the earlier parts of this show.

Kanyon was indeed good at coming up with offense. Oh apparently Booker thinks Kanyon is something wrong with WCW so he’s fighting him to get rid of him. Well that’s better than nothing. Kanyon does a bunch of stuff to Booker’s back including a reverse Boston Crab which actually would be FAR less painful than a regular one but whatever.

Kanyon hits Booker with a book that used to have a brick in it. There’s no brick in it but Booker sells it anyway. Oh he was playing possum. The Axe Kick hits as does the Book End (Rock Bottom, and pay no attention to Booker being considered the People’s Champion and having his catchphrase added to the start of his theme music). And here’s Jarrett with a guitar shot to Booker so the Diamond Cutter from Kanyon ends it.

Rating: C-. Decent match here, but of course there was interference and a weapon in use here because it wouldn’t be WCW if we didn’t have those. This was a great example of what could have been a good match being overbooked and messed up for no apparent reason at all. What’s the point of that again? Ah I forgot: there isn’t one.

Mike Awesome hits on the fat singer.

US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome

So this was around the time that Steiner was completely insane in the back and was constantly getting into legal trouble and being suspended with pay. For example he got in a backstage fight and then suspended. It was the 4th of July weekend and he was paid on the suspension. He broke the rules and got a paid holiday vacation. The roids were absolutely insane at this time and he was legit crazy for the most part. Awesome runs out but Steiner hits him instead, making himself look like the face which he isn’t.

Awesome has been in WCW for like three or four months at this point, having left ECW for WCW which was safer. Humorously enough, ECW filed for bankruptcy after WCW was bought by Vince. ECW lasted longer than WCW. Let that sink in for a bit as I never realized it before. Steiner is beating Awesome badly here and it’s flat out stupid. In other words, they’re killing off another character for the sake of Steiner. That would become a running theme in WCW: young and talented guys being sacrificed to old guys.

There’s a bell to the head. Oh but that isn’t a DQ either and neither is that chair shot right in front of the referee. Awesome hits a springboard splash for two. Good night that guy could fly. And here’s Miller AGAIN for no apparent reason. He’s fine after the beatdown earlier too. We’ll just keep the camera on him too since nothing important is going on at the moment at all. Steiner sets for the Recliner but Miller says oh no you don’t. That earns him a right hand. Nice job boss.

The top rope splash gets two as Steiner kicks out of another finishing move. And there goes the referee since that just has to happen. Miller comes in and accidentally kicks Awesome. Steiner hits him to a big pop and then the Recliner…isn’t put on yet as Miller says he’ll strip him of the title if he uses it. Steiner does it and so does Miller. He doesn’t give it to Awesome or anything so whatever. Scott beats Awesome up even more and gets even more pops. Hey, let’s make sure we keep this incredibly popular guy as top heel though.

Rating: C. This was a very intense match that had a great thing of going back and forth with people kicking out of one thing after another. And then of course Miller had to do a run-in because….well just because. In other words, more overbooked stuff where WCW simply refuses to accept that Steiner is popular so they do what they want to do instead of listening to the fans. Typical.

Should be noted that we just had the 6th match. Other than the hardcore match, there have been either run-ins or weapons used in all of them.

The Demon vs. Vampiro

This is a graveyard match. The Demon was part of a marketing deal with the band KISS. Here’s the idea: WCW decided that their wrestling wasn’t drawing good enough ratings so they decided to have musical guests on Nitro, one of which was KISS. The idea was that eventually each member of the band would have a wrestler based on their persona.

Originally Brian Adams of Kronik was the Gene Simmons one but he changed his mind and it was given to Dale Torborg, the guy that played him here. He was a jobber so no one recognized him for the most part. Ok that’s all well and good then. However, KISS pulled out so he became just The Demon and no one cared. He was in Vampiro’s stable and then left it, making this match. Oh and the KISS concert was the lowest rated quarter segment in the history of the Monday Night Wars.

So anyway, Demon tells the girl with him to not follow him. She says she won’t. He turns around and she follows him anyway. It’s like something out of a bad comedy show. You win this by getting back to the ring. And remember that this is nothing like a social outcast being in a boiler room and having to get back to the ring at all.

You also can’t see anything here as this is in an actual graveyard. Vampiro jumps out of a tree. Wow. Apparently this is about Sting somehow. Yeah whatever. Let’s just get this over with. Vampiro drags Demon down into an open grave. Again do I even need to make fun of this?

Vampiro chases the girl (Asya, which is nothing like the big muscle chick in WWF also named after a geographic region in the Far East. She had black hair) The referee is following them with a flashlight for crying out loud. Tony points out that this is now a footrace.

They’re by a stream or something like that and Vampiro knocks him into the water. WHAT AM I WATCHING??? The referee gets the Demon out of the water as I think I’m watching Buffy or Charmed. Demon chases after him and finds Asya next to a coffin. Vampiro pops out of it and spits blood at him and then hits him with a tombstone before putting him in the coffin.

And apparently the match isn’t over yet as we’re going to talk to Shane Douglas. Ok then. He talks about Buff Bagwell and how he guarantees victory tonight. I guess we’ll call that the end of the match too.

Rating: N/A. This wasn’t wrestling and I have no idea what it was. It was stupid though.

Ad for a sweepstakes where you could be Goldberg’s guest manager. Well that’s original if nothing else.

Buff Bagwell vs. Shane Douglas

They were partners and they broke up. That’s all I’ve got. Buff stalls to start despite being the face here. Bagwell is yet another example of a guy that was around forever and got some small pushes but never once was given the chance to be actually elevated. He had a cool finisher, a catchy song, a good name and a great look, but hey we can’t put him in the upper midcard or give him anything serious right? I’m not saying he would have been the second coming of Kurt Angle, but I’m saying what did they have to lose from trying?

Shane goes for a piledriver on the floor which doesn’t work. He gets crotched on the post instead. Are there just no rules in WCW anymore? After a long time of nothing, Torrie comes out and slaps Douglas. I’ll start the clock on how long before she turns on Buff to help Shane.

She and Buff kiss and she makes it a whole a minute without turning. Ah there it is. That of course doesn’t end it as we have to wait even longer. Buff shoves her down but walks into the Franchiser (reverse Stunner more or less) to end it. Madden says he has a Head Cheerleader now. Give me a break, although Torrie is hotter.

Rating: D. This was, just like many other matches on the card tonight, completely boring and based around a predictable heel turn that did nothing at all for anyone. This wasn’t interesting at all and was just filler. It wasn’t particularly bad. It just wasn’t any good at all.

HOGAN IS HERE!

Jarrett isn’t worried.

We recap Hogan vs. Jarrett which is basically over Jarrett had Goldberg hurt Hogan and then started getting fat women to audition to sing for him.

WCW World Title: Hulk Hogan vs. Jeff Jarrett

And this is the reason for the whole issue of this show. I’ll save the details of what’s going on until everything is over. The music plays and there’s no Jarrett. Note that Tony calls Hogan Terry Bollea. That’ll come into play later. Instead here’s Vince Russo with a bat. Now he hadn’t been seen in a good while so this was a legit shock.

He looks ticked off too. Ah there’s Jarrett. Russo is called Keyzer Soze so you know he’s evil. Hogan is Hollywood Hogan here. He comes out looks fine and does his thing. Hogan asks for the mic and Jarrett has walked up the ramp and is just standing there. He cuts a very basic and generic promo with nothing wrong with it at all and here comes Jarrett.

There’s the bell and Jarrett lays down. Russo signals to Hogan to cover him and then throws him the belt. Madden says they’re deviating away from the script. The fans chant Russo sucks. Hogan gets on the mic again and says crap like this is the reason this company is in the place it’s in. Hogan puts his foot on the chest and wins the world title.

Hudson: “We’re going to have some explaining to do tomorrow.” Keep that in mind. Hogan and Jarrett leave and both look very ticked off. The announcers run down Hogan and HEAVILY imply the whole thing is scripted, as in the match would have been scripted.

I’m going to skip ahead a little here so if for some reason you’re reading along as you watch the show or something like that, this is going to appear out of order but I’m doing that on purpose, so what I’m about to talk about came a bit later on than where I’m saying it did.

Russo comes back out and cuts the promo that caused ALL the problems. Ok not all of them but all of them tonight. He’s going to tell it like it is apparently. He talks about the politics backstage and that he doesn’t need this place. However he came back for guys like Booker T and MIA. And he just lost me. Hogan doesn’t care about the company and is a politician. Russo says that today Hogan insisted that he win the title tonight and played his creative control card to do so. You’ll NEVER see him again.

Russo goes on to say that no one will be ripped off here tonight. You know aside from not seeing the main event they paid to see. Russo flat out says the WCW belt means jack but that’s no longer the world title. Jarrett is still the world champion apparently and will defend against Booker T, which was the same match from Thunder last week but whatever. He calls Hogan a big bald SOB and throws the mic down.

Tony says that was a shoot. Hudson says that wasn’t talked about in the production meeting and it wasn’t on the format sheet. Don’t believe him? Have a look at this format sheet I’m holding up then. That sums up things well I’d say.

Ok. That last line that he said is what sent this whole thing completely to the grave. Scratch that. It put it through the bottom of the grave and buried it even further somehow. Let’s go back to the beginning and the idea that sums this whole thing up: Vince Russo is an idiot. Here was his idea: fake a shoot. Russo’s theory of booking is this: what you’re watching is fake, but you need to pretend that it’s real.

However at times there are going to be “real” (as in fake shoots) moments. This was one of those “real” things. Everything Russo said in his speech about the creative control card may have been true, but he’s saying that none of this was planned in advance, which in real life it was (and I mean REAL life, not “real” life if that makes sense).

The idea was that Terry Bollea the character played his creative control card rather than Terry Bollea the real person. Later on, as in maybe the late fall or at Starrcade, Hogan would return and feud with whoever the WCW Champion was, saying that he was the REAL champion since he had the belt.

That’s plausible I guess, but then Russo gave his speech. The last line about the bald headed SOB made Terry Bollea (the REAL Terry Bollea, not Terry Bollea the character) mad because he felt it was character defamation that could hurt his future earnings. In other words, he was mad at Russo for saying bad things about his character. So he of course sued Russo. I mean he sued him in real life in a case that was still in court in 2004 which is why he didn’t go to TNA then. Anyway, Hogan never did come back because of that last line, making a “shoot” into a shoot.

Oh and a side note: Jarrett wasn’t in on this. Allegedly it was just Hogan, Russo and Bischoff. Great way to bring the locker room together guys.

Now here’s why Russo is stupid. Number one: this was NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN. They NEVER gave anything at all as far of an explanation or why Booker was the champion other than he beat Jeff Jarrett (yeah I know big spoiler. Shoot me.). Oh and as a side note: Jarrett pinned Booker to get a title shot the next night anyway which is stupid in ways I can’t even fathom.

The second reason Russo was stupid: NO ONE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. Think about it. How many wrestling fans out of say 10,000 would know what a shoot is? Or would know what creative control was? Or would know anything about backstage politics? We know about them because we’re smarks. This is what we do.

Russo thinks EVERYONE is a smark, or at least a HUGE majority of the fans. Tell me: the last time you went to a wrestling event, of the people around you, how many knew less about wrestling than you did? How many could tell you that Stephanie and HHH were really married the entire time and that it was real before it was revealed last year on Raw?

Russo believed everyone knew what he was talking about and that there were very few fans that cheered for good guys and booed bad guys just because that’s what you’re supposed to do. It was all about knowing more than the next guy and being “in” on the business.

The problem is MAYBE 3% of the people there knew what he meant when he was saying all this stuff and that’s likely a high number. This didn’t raise ratings, no one extra bought the PPV because of it since no one knew it was coming, and since it was never talked about again no one had any reason to build to it.

In other words, if you didn’t buy the PPV you never knew it happened and if you did buy the PPV then you were just confused by it unless you were maybe 1 out of every 1,000 fans that was on the internet back then. Like I said, today when the internet is MUCH more powerful and has heavier traffic than it did 10 years ago, most fans simply don’t get that far into wrestling.

As for my thoughts on it, it’s really not as big as the Fingerpoke of Doom for one reason: WCW still had a chance then. At that point WCW was in big trouble but there was a CHANCE they could have come back and made a run of it, especially with Austin about to get hurt and with the REALLY bad TV WWF would put out over that year (a big reason WWF won wasn’t because they were great.

It’s just that WCW was that awful). This was par for the course really when you consider the state of WCW. I mean look at this show before all this happened. There hasn’t been a clean finish all night, there’s more cursing, there’s more sex and the angles and characters are stupider.

WCW was dead at this point and they knew it. In 1999, they still had a legit chance to turn it around. This isn’t as much a referendum on the company as it is on Russo and Hogan. This was more like the final nail in the coffin whereas the Fingerpoke was the fatal wound.

Oh yeah we have two matches left.

Vampiro walks to the ring and wins the match from earlier. He has a mic as everyone else does and says the dark circle is now completed and the Demon is dead. The fans want Sting and here come 8 Stings. They have a coffin like the one Torborg was in earlier. Oh of course Sting is in it. Vampiro is put in the coffin and then he disappears.

Goldberg wants to hurt Nash so he can get rid of Hall’s contract. How in the world did they mess up Goldberg?

We recap Nash vs. Goldberg. (everything else is in order by the way) Goldberg turned heel and joined the New Blood (Stupid, stupid, stupid) and becoming top heel in the company. SUPER NASH came to the rescue and somehow Hall became the focus of this despite not being on TV at this point for about four and a half months or so but whatever.

Kevin Nash vs. Bill Goldberg

They start off brawling but Steiner is here in like a minute and a half playing cheerleader. He’s apparently a face tonight but you know he’s turning on Nash here. Spear misses though. Yep there it is. Nash fight him off but the spear and Jackhammer end it. This wasn’t even five minutes long. They beat up Nash and rip up the contracts to cheers.

Rating: N/A. This was barely even a match and was really just a way to do a turn. Yeah I don’t care either but this whole thing was just a mess. They took the main event of the biggest show of the year and had it go four minutes here. I’ll never get some things about this company.

WCW World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T

One has to wonder why the guy that would wind up leaving as champion would have jobbed to a midcarder earlier but that would imply logic so there we are. Oh and they have the other world title there, as in the original one. Tony says he hasn’t seen it in years because the top is bent. And it just happened to be there tonight. Right. Either that or they got it to the arena in like 30 minutes. So it’s a pizza? See if this had happened say two years ago (as in Booker being in the main event) this could have meant something. We get a nice technical sequence as Booker is completely over.

We hit the crowd and walk around for a little bit with very limited actual offense or anything like that. Again, why are we having to do this? Are you telling me we can’t have these two give us a solid in ring match? And there are the weapons to really suck away any real chance of this being awesome. Jarrett piledrives him on the announce table. Now here’s the thing: the violence like this in a match is fine.

This is a big match so they’re going the extra mile. There’s nothing wrong with that and I can understand relaxing the rules for it. The problem with that is literally every match tonight has had a run-in or weapons used. It makes things like this seem less special or less intense. Even ECW had gotten that message by this point and had toned it down.

Now that being said, this is a solid match, but the lack of drama hurts it as ONCE AGAIN WCW blows the chance to show a feel good moment on PPV. Here’s the thing: Booker is clearly popular. Him winning the title tonight is going to be a big moment. The problem is that NO ONE KNOWS THIS IS GOING ON, other than people that bought the PPV.

Instead of announcing Booker as the title shot, they went with Hogan and wound up giving us Booker, rather than taking a chance on Booker as a draw. We hear about how this isn’t about politics and is about athleticism. If by that they mean desperation then I’d agree. Somehow this is Jarrett’s match of his life. Just….no. It’s figure four time as I’m tempted to predict a Flair run-in here.

Tony and the other announcers talk about how much Booker has had to go through here, including the grating of the political thing with Hogan earlier tonight. Did ANYONE know how to think in this company? The Axe Kick connects and Jarrett more or less no sells it for no apparent reason. And now, le sigh as down goes the referee. A belt shot to Jarrett gets a long two.

We get a bunch of low blows and chair shots and now Jarrett just says screw it and this the Stroke on the referee. The Book End hits and another referee counts the pin. The fans all cheer and raise the roof which was Booker’s signature thing and it’s a big feel good moment. We’ll ignore the absolute destruction of any kind of sanity and the fact that the company was dead by this point too, as this comes oh about 2 years too late to mean anything.

Rating: B. Again, this was a good match. The problems surrounding it however made anything we could have gotten out of it completely pointless and useless though. Also like I said, Jarrett would pin him the next night anyway. This was a solid match and the moment was cool, but the levels of idiocy it took to get here absolutely astound me.

Overall Rating: D-. Now there are two ways to look at this show and all subsequent shows. For one, this show was a total trainwreck with maybe two good matches out of about 9 and both were more or less overbooked. The idiocy is running rampant here, but at the same time this wasn’t completely terrible. It was mostly terrible and anything close to order here is strictly an accident mind you. WCW’s level of ineptitude would somehow be topped next month which we’ll get to later.

And then there’s another school of thought. The other idea is to look at this like a screwball comedy show and accept that WCW was completely and utterly dead at this point and was just waiting on someone to notice the smell of their rotting corpse. If you go on that route, the show goes WAY up in value as the comedy of it is pretty solid.

After the disaster that was Nitro the next night, everything was ripped apart backstage as the entire company was overhauled by the Time-Warner merger that threw it off the air. Anyway though, this is either a great show or absolutely horrible depending on how you look at it, so figure that out for yourselves.

NXT
Date: February 15, 2011
Location: Valley View Casino Center, San Diego, California
Commentators: Todd Grisham, Josh Matthews

It’s another week of NXT after a good show last week if I remember it correctly.  I don’t think there’s an elimination tonight but I could be wrong.  Either way the final three are here now and two of them are entertaining enough.  After last night’s return of the Rock I’m in an optimistic mood about WWE at the moment so let’s get to it.

And NXT isn’t playing on WWE.com.  It says the video I’m attempting to watch isn’t available right now and to please try back later.  Ah there it is.

Striker is in the ring with the rookies and next week is an elimination.  Then the next week we’ll have the finale.  Good to know.  The first challenge this week is the Smash and Grab Challenge.  There is a piñata above all of their heads with NXT Dollars inside.  You have to break the piñata and run the dollars up to their respective pro.  The Pros are “coaching”.  As Josh says, “coaching what?  How to hit a piñata?”  They keep moving the piñata and Curtis, who is going first, can’t hit anything.  He takes off the blindfold for a bit and after putting it back on can’t break the piñata.  This is so stupid.  Curtis gets zero.

Clay is up second and BLASTS the piñata after about a second comes off the clock and takes all his time to get all the dollars he can.  He jogs up the ramp and cashes it in with plenty of time.

Bateman says his strategy is to hit the piñata hard then run the money to the pro.  Bateman says stay classy San Diego.  I never liked that movie.  Clay got $4,800 NXT Dollars.  Bateman hits it but can’t break it so he grabs it and pulls it down.  Clay wins more or less by default.  I’m officially stupider having watched that.

Clay vs. R-Truth next.

R-Truth vs. Brodus Clay

 

Truth takes him to the floor quickly and hits an over the top dive to take over.  Back in and it’s all Truth here.  He tries a monkey flip because he’s an idiot and is launched off.  Clay gets a suplex and it’s off to the nerve hold.  Truth gets a jawbreaker and a dropkick to the knee to break that up.  A middle rope dropkick misses though and a splash ends Truth clean in 2:50.  Yep Clay just beat a guy that could get the world title shot at Mania this Sunday perfectly clean.  Eh it’s not like this show is paid attention to anyway.  No rating as it was more or less a glorified squash.

Bateman vs. Bryan, as in rookie vs. pro, later.

Mania ad.  That song is slowly growing on me.  The chorus is catchy.

Time for Challenge #2.  There are three stools in buckets.  Above those are other buckets which apparently has unpleasant stuff in it.  Ah apparently it’s trivia and if you lose you get messy.  Here are the categories and each have three questions, each with 100-300 dollars each.

80s

90s

Title History

Wrestlemania

Divas

They manage to screw up what decade is which as Brodus picks 80s and the question is about Smackdown.  No one knows who was in DX and won the Jesse the Body Award (Rick Rude).  These questions aren’t that hard if you think about them (in 1994 this superstar won the WWE Title for the first time in 11 years).

The questions are a bit harder here, such as which Diva managed the most wrestlers to championships (Sunny) and who is the only wrestler to win the WWE Title in a cage match (Batista).  This is fun.  They’re not saying the score but apparently Brodus wins.  The other two are slimed.  Todd: YOU CAN’T DO THAT ON TELEVISION!  10 points for those that get that reference.  That gave Brodus three more immunity points for a total of 5.

We recap the Rock’s return which literally had me shaking and I wasn’t even a big Rock fan.  Obviously for the sake of time they clip this down but they show a good deal of it.  They air this like it aired last night, as in not a video package with music etc.  We get his entrance, talking as Dwayne, making fun of Miz, the e-mail and running down Cole, the talking about Cena and ripping him apart, the swearing and the ending.  They aired almost ten minutes of this.

Daniel Bryan vs. Derrick Bateman

 

Good deal of time for this match.  Yeah they take a break before Bateman’s entrance.  I thought they would.  They shake hands to start.  Ziggler cracks jokes and it almost sounded like he said something about ROH but I’m not sure.  Test of strength to start and Bateman bridges out after being taken to the ground.  Ziggler says he’s the champion now (again I think as he’s not being focused on).

All Bryan to start as Ziggler makes fun of Ricardo’s Spanish.  It’s just Maryse, Ziggler and Ricardo this week up there.  Bryan gets out of a wristlock and gets two.  Crowd doesn’t seem too interested.  Ziggler wants to know who they’re supposed to root for.  Ricardo: “Not the Chargers.”  Bryan works on the arm as is his custom.  Bateman outmoves him though and sends him to the floor.

Suicide Dive has Bryan in trouble as we…don’t take a break.  Ok yes we do.  I think Todd tried to send them to one too early and had to talk a bit more to get them there.  Apparently Ziggler said “This isn’t ROH so don’t shake hands.”  I love little lines like those.

2-21-11 ad which allegedly shows two men.  I’ve heard about a dozen different reasons and explanations as to why it’s either HHH, Taker, Sting or some combination of them all.  My take on it: we’ll find out in six days so stop wasting my time talking about a shadow that might not be the Undertaker that you think is on the steps outside of a house.

Back with Bryan in control again.  Bateman says he’s learned his lesson as Bryan kicks him in the back.  Bryan says elbow and then hits an elbow to take Bateman down.  He goes up and gets a nice reaction for it.  He misses the headbutt so it’s a moot point but nice posing.  Big clothesline by Bateman for two.  Bateman gets a pair of rollups for two each.  Bryan tries the LeBell Lock and Bateman lifts him up into kind of a powerbomb for a long two.

Good match so far.  Bryan takes him down but Bateman goes for the LeBell Lock.  Bryan rolls through the hold and gets a SICK version of it of his own for the tap out at 8:50.  Surprisingly quite good match from these two here and by surprising I mean Bateman’s part.

Rating: B-. Good stuff indeed here as Bateman showed a lot here.  This was a good match from both guys as Bryan was having to work a bit out there.  I like the chemistry these two have as they work well together both in comedy bits and in the ring.  I think Brodus is going to be around for awhile so giving Bateman the win is something I could live with.

Overall Rating: B. I know that’s probably high but this was one of the more enjoyable shows in a very long time.  The opening stupid challenge is the only part here that was stupid.  You had a squash (kind of) in the first match and then a fun trivia game and the Rock video, closing out with a solid main event.  Yeah this was good overall but I won’t mind it when this show is over.  Good show and one of the best of the season so far.

Results

Brodus Clay won the Smash and Grab Challenge

Brodus Clay b. R-Truth – Splash

Brodus Clay won the Trivia Challenge

Daniel Bryan b. Derrick Bateman – LeBell Lock

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 14, 2011
Location: Honda Center, Anaheim, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews
Guest Star: Ariel Winter

The main story tonight is that we’re finding out the guest host of Wrestlemania tonight.  I’ve heard various possibilities, some of which are good and some of which are horrible.  It’s also the final push towards the PPV this Sunday which is more or less set in stone.  We may have an issue with the title match being pushed tonight as Lawler’s mother passed away earlier today so there’s no way to know if he’ll be here or on his game tonight.  That’s not a criticism mind you, merely an observation.  Let’s get to it.

We open in the arena with Cole welcoming us and talking about the guest host tonight.  No Lawler as it’s Matthews in there instead.

Orton vs. Sheamus, Morrison vs. Truth and Cena vs. Punk tonight with the last of those starting RIGHT NOW!

John Cena vs. CM Punk

 

There must be a winner to this.  During Cena’s entrance we see a clip from last week where Lawler slipped Cena a chair to keep Cena from getting destroyed.  Cena gets on the mic and thanks Lawler for helping him out last week.  He talks about how it’s Valentine’s Day and how nothing says I love you like a pair of tickets to WWE.  During this part there’s a Rocky chant.  Love isn’t the only thing in the air.  WRESTLEMANIA is in the air!

Cena talks about the guest host could be, throwing out names like Sammi from Jersey Shore, Lady Gaga and Michael Cole.  Using the clues that Vince gave last week, he proves that Cole is in a love triangle with Miz and Riley and that Michael Cole may not be a man.  More importantly though, this Sunday is the Elimination Chamber and after the year Cena has had, he needs this Wrestlemania moment.  He dealt with a group of radicals all year called the Nexus, but Sunday there’s only one member to deal with.

Cue Punk with a mic of his own.  Punk says that the record in Gray’s Sports Almanac (Love those movies) it says that the last two times they’ve fought Punk has won.  Punk says he’s a good person unlike Cena and the bell rings.  If anyone gets involved in this they’re out of the Chamber match.  Cena hits the post shoulder first and hits the floor.  Punk takes him down with a flying clothesline as we take a break.

Back with Punk getting a two count off a big kick.  If Nexus gets involved, Punk is out of the Chamber.  Punk works the arm but Cena hits an armdrag to get free.  Body scissors by Punk takes more energy out of Cena.  Cena’s shorts are a bit shorter tonight and are above the knees.  Cena fights back and gets the Protoplex and 5 Knuckle Shuffle but can’t hit the FU.

Punk takes him down with a leg lariat and we get a headscissors.  Cena is like man please and just stands up.  Back to their feet and Cena hits a gutwrench suplex for two.  Cena goes up for the top rope Fameasser but Punk makes the stop.  Corner knee hits but the bulldog is reversed into a failed STF attempt.  Swinging neckbreaker by Punk sets up the GTS which can’t connect.

CM goes up and tries a cross body but Cena rolls through into the FU.  Punk gets to the ropes though and hits the floor.  A Nexus clad arm sticks out from under the ring and hands Punk a chair.  Punk slides it into the ring and the referee goes to get it.  The arm comes out again with a wrench.  Punk drills Cena with it and the GTS ends it at 10:36.

Rating: B. Good match here especially for free TV.  The ending was a nice little touch with the two weapons being handed in.  Cena losing is good as it builds Punk up even more also.  This was one of the better TV matches I’ve seen in a good while and a great way to start Raw.  I love February Sweeps because we get stuff like this.

The announcers say that Lawler isn’t here due to the death of his mother but that he’ll be at the PPV.

We’re waiting on the guest host as we take a break.

Friday is the 600^th Smackdown.

Here’s Alberto but you already know the joke that most people make when saying his name so I’ll spare you.  He talks about destiny and Mania and all that jazz.  Cue Edge to a nice ovation.  He says that he’s been so busy fighting Ziggler that he almost forgot about Alberto hitting him with a guitar two weeks ago.  Edge says he also has a destiny and takes down Alberto.  He sets for the spear but Ricardo saves.  Alberto goes to the apron but gets speared off.

Cue Vickie who says that Sunday there will be the world title match in the Chamber but she’s here to introduce the new World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler.  We see a clip of the illegal spear from Friday.  This week on Smackdown we’re going to have the official coronation of Ziggler as the new champion.  Edge is apparently stripped of the title and Vickie also has proof that Edge assaulted Teddy.  The segment just kind of ends with Vickie laughing.  So he’s not champion anymore?

Divas Title up next.

Another 2-21-11 promo with the song and a shot of someone’s chest.  Well it’s certainly not Trish Stratus.

Miz vs. Bryan tonight.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Eve Torres

 

This is a lumberjill match and Natalya is in the ring when we start.  Eve grabs a headlock to start which results in a standoff with both trying dropkicks.  They slaps hands and go to the mat.  Surfboard by Natalya which is always awesome looking.  Even counters and is sitting on Natalya’s legs.  This is more of a gymnastics routine than a match but it’s fun.

Josh mentions that Natalya was voted as the dream Diva Valentine’s Day date which Cole makes fun of.  Natalya is sent to the floor and the Divas beat the heck out of her.  As retaliation Eve dives on them to take out nearly all of them at once.  Back in Natalya tries a cradle but Eve rolls back onto it for the pin to retain at 3:40.

Rating: C. I liked it.  Eve looked good out there from a wrestling standpoint and looked like she could actually hang with the “wrestling” Divas instead of just being one of the eye candy ones.  This was a pretty decent little match and ended with a wrestling move which is always a good thing.  Fun match and short enough to not get bad.

Back from a break with the Bellas getting on Eve for no apparent reason.  A brawl breaks out with Natalya trying to save.  Gail jumps in there as well and referees break it up.

Cole: “If the Divas keep this up they’re going to need chaperones.”  Oh you know what’s coming.  Also there’s a guest star tonight: Ariel Winter, apparently HHH’s costar.

Mark Henry comes down for a match but Sheamus jumps him during his entrance and beats the tar out of him.  Sheamus grabs a mic and says that’s a preview of what he’ll do in the Chamber.

Miz vs. Bryan up next.

We get a clip of the tag match from last week where Bryan and Miz got into it some.

The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan

 

Riley is on commentary here.  Crowd is into Bryan and we get a chant for him.  Miz takes him down with a shoulder block to start.  Josh makes a Grammys reference of all things.  Bryan grabs the arm which gets him nowhere but a dropkick does.  Miz takes Bryan down with a big boot.  For some reason we keep cutting to shorts of the commentators.  Off to a reverse chinlock by Miz.

Bryan escapes and grabs a rear naked choke but Miz grabs the ropes.  Another back elbow by Miz gets two.  Another chinlock now but the crowd is staying in this which is a good sign.  Bryan gets a corner dropkick for two.  They slug it out a bit and Miz is knocked to the floor.  Running knee from the apron sends Miz through the barricade in front of the time keeper’s area.

Back in the ring and a top rope dropkick gets two.  Good match here so far.  LeBell Lock almost goes on but Miz knocks him to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Miz hammering away in the corner but not being able to hit a suplerplex.  Instead Bryan gets a sunset bomb for a close two.  We see a replay of the neckbreaker to the floor just before the break and I didn’t realize how sick it was.

Bryan unleashes the kicks and Miz counters into a rollup for two.  Another gets two.  Miz tries a reverse DDT into a neckbreaker but gets countered into a German.  BIG kick to the head of the world champion gets two and a huge reaction from the crowd.  LeBell Lock can’t get hooked so Bryan tries a victory roll.  Miz drops him forward and then the Skull Crushing Finale ends it at 12:40.

Rating: B+. This was an awesome match where Miz got pushed and Bryan looked great.  This was exactly what Miz needs: a dominant win where most importantly he won clean.  Bryan just took the world champion to the limit and the whole thing worked very well.  Good match and the second good one tonight which is a great thing to see.

Miz gets on the mic and says that Lawler isn’t here tonight because his mother passed away.  He hopes that Lawler doesn’t use this as an excuse at the PPV.  Nice heel heat there and the catchphrase takes us to a break.

Michael McGillicutty/David Otunga vs. John Morrison/R-Truth

 

Cole says he’ll explain this came about in a bit.  Morrison has a BIG black eye.  Oh that’s from the kick last week.  During the break the GM made this match due to what happened last week.  Well if that’s the case why did he make the singles match into the first place?  It was supposed to be Morrison vs. Truth remember?  McGillicutty vs. Truth to start us off and Truth is in trouble.

Off to Otunga and he’s still in trouble.  Matthews thinks McGillicutty handed Punk the wrench earlier.  Morrison comes in and is all angry and aggressive.  I kind of like it actually.  He’s beating the heck out of both guys and kicks McGillicutty in the ribs.  Truth dives out to take out Otunga so Morrison can hit the running knee to end McGillicutty at 3:19.

Rating: C. Not bad here but the best part of it was the beating by Morrison.  Having Morrison get all ticked off and wanting to hurt Punk is something very good to see.  He needs some emotion in his character and this is a good place to start.  He could be a star with a few minor tweaks and this would work fine.  Fun match.

Truth and Morrison chase off Ryan when he tries to attack them.

There’s a plug for Jericho’s new book.

The chick from Chaperone and Modern Family is here as the guest star.  She introduces the Khali Kiss Cam.  She’s a kid mind you and dances to Khali’s music.  Khali’s belly button is above her shoulders.  The Kiss Cam tonight is of people in the audience.  Santino kisses Tamina and Vickie kisses Dolph.  Apparently they’re in the audience?  Maryse won’t kiss Ted so she kisses Yoshi Tatsu.  Ryder gets kissed on the cheek by Regal in the moment of the night.  Horny pops up with a box of candy for her and gets a kiss on the cheek.  To all the people that says this is stupid, lighten up.  This was like 2 minutes long and harmless.

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

 

Orton is introduced as the Viper now.  Randy takes him down into the corner and gets a Thesz Press with punches.  Here’s the stomp and knee drop which misses.  Naturally we spend the whole match talking about the Chamber.  Sheamus takes over with his power stuff and gets the slingshot shoulder block for two.  Orton tries to fight back but runs into a boot in the corner.

Apparently that doesn’t hurt as he hits some of his basic stuff.  Orton charges ahead but gets caught in the Irish Curse backbreaker for two.  Middle rope suplex puts Orton down but Sheamus can’t capitalize.  Sheamus comes at him but walks into the RKO for the finish at 5:07.  Punk and Nexus comes out for a beatdown but the other Chamber guys make the save and beat up Nexus.

Rating: C-. Just a match here as the big ending is clearly the guest host.  These two are more or less incapable of having a good match so keeping it short is probably the best possible thing they can do.  Not bad and the ending works with the RKO, but not enough time and nothing entertaining at all really.

A long limo pulls up and we see a woman’s feet.  Naturally the camera stays on the feet as we take a break.

Back and the host is……causing electrical noises in the arena.  There go the lights.  They’re going out all over the arena.  There goes the Tron and the Elimination Chamber sign.  Vince isn’t advertising a PPV?  This MUST be huge.  A light comes on the screen and it’s…….THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!  I’m stunned at this.  He looks like he’s in great shape.  To put it mildly, the place erupted.

After seven long years……FINALLY, The Rock has come back to Anaheim, to Raw, and Home.  When he had the mic up you could see his hand shaking.  He has many nicknames, but tonight he’s Dwayne.  It’s been a long time since he’s been here and it’s not because of money or to promote a movie but because of the fans.  The fans helped him accomplish his goals and dreams.  He wants to thank the fans and tell them he loves them and because of them he’s back in the ring and he’s never ever going away.

He says he called Vince and Vince said he needed a host that was electrifying.  He needed someone that would get the people talking.  He needed a host that would ignite things and that would be Justin Bieber.  Justin is cool, but only the Rock could be the host of Mania.  He hasn’t lost a step on the mic at all.  At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the smack down at Wrestlemania, but the question is to who.

Could it be Miz?  He says he’s heard Miz is awesome.  Rock isn’t a scientist but if you’re always saying you’re awesome it means you absolutely suck.  Rock says there is one man he’s going to see at Mania, but there’s an E-Mail before he gets to say it.  Rock isn’t pleased.  He cuts Cole off before he can answer, asking if Cole thinks anyone cares what the GM has to say.

Rock: “Michael Cole, is that what you think?”  Cole: “Well…”  Rock: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!  You sit down at that table and know your role and shut your mouth!”  He says if Cole doesn’t then Rock will have some special Facebook pictures tonight of him taking that computer, shining it up real nice and putting it straight up Michael Cole’s candy face.  Now sit down because you look like a drunk hobbit.

Anyway there is one man that Rock has to see face to face.  Rock has met him before and thinks he’s a cool guy.  When Rock left this guy came in and started talking trash about the Rock.  His name is JOHN CENA.  WWE has gone from Austin 3:16 to Can Your Smell What the Rock is Cooking to….You Can’t See Me?  He does the hand motion and asks if he’s playing peek-a-boo.  A blindfolded Stevie Wonder in a basement can see you.

Everyone can see Cena.  He runs around here in colored shirts looking like a bright bowl of Fruity Pebbles.  Rock has swore about 15 times in 10 minutes.  He’ll see Cena at Wrestlemania.  He’ll also see Miz and everyone else at Mania.  Rock guaran-darn-tees three things for Mania.  He’ll show the world he’s the most electrifying man in entertainment.  At the drop of a dime he’ll lay the Smacketh Down on all of them.  Finally, the Rock and the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of Rock’s fans will electrify Wrestlemania….IF YA SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!!!

Wow.  I have no idea what else to say.  This was one of the best moments I have ever seen and the idea of Cena vs. Rock in any form or fashion, even talking, is breathtaking.

Massive posing ends the show.

Overall Rating: A+. This was a great show overall with two good matches, a funny comedy bit and of course the huge announcement being the thing that tied things up throughout the show.  I’m very excited about the PPV now which is exactly the point of the show.  This was a great Raw and certainly one of their better ones in awhile.  See what happens when you have good wrestling matches?  I had it at an A- until Rock came out.  Go ahead and whine.  THE ROCK IS BACK.

Results

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS

Eve Torres b. Natalya – Torres reversed a Natalya cradle into a pin

The Miz b. Daniel Bryan – Skull Crushing Finale

R-Truth/John Morrison b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Running knee smash to McGillicutty

Randy Orton b. Sheamus – RKO

Against All Odds 2011
Date: February 13, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

Well we’ve arrived at this show.  It doesn’t look terrible but at the same time it looks completely lackluster.  It’s more or less a rehash of Genesis that had a single night to prep for it due to the huge hype surrounding 2/3.  Either way this isn’t a show I’m particularly looking forward to.  That being said it’s still a PPV with a world title match.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about how awesome Immortal is and how much trouble Anderson is in tonight.  Basic but pretty well done.

The announcers remind us of the card that we’ve ordered already.

Robbie E comes out and says that tonight he’s not wrestling due to Gen Me not being here due to reasons of being scared of him.  He makes the referee count and he’s officially the #1 contender.  There’s a title match later tonight apparently.  Kaz stops them as they leave (they being Robbie and Cookie) and hits them with basic insults.  The match is RIGHT NOW!

X-Division Title: Robbie E vs. Kazarian

 

Kaz starts off hot and stomps on the hand of Cookie while she complains.  Robbie is knocked to the floor and Kaz gets set on the top rope.  In our first hokey smoke bump of the night, Robbie trips him up and he slams his face into the steps.  FREAKING OW MAN!!!  Robbie gets a boot up into the face of a charging Kaz to take over.  Falling fist gets two.

We actually get a let’s go Kaz chant.  Ah there’s a Robbie Sucks chant.  That helps a bit.  Not quite Rocky Sucks but it’s not bad.  Robbie wastes time though and gets caught by a springboard dropkick to put him down.  More dropkicks by Kaz as he takes over almost completely.  Spinning springboard legdrop gets two.

Kaz tries the reverse Piledriver but gets it reversed.  Robbie’s neckbreaker is reversed as well.  O’Connor Roll is blocked and Cookie gets a purse (I think) to the head of Kaz for a VERY close two.  Robbie tries to vault over Kaz in the corner but gets caught in the reverse tombstone (FINALLY gets a name with Fade to Black) for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This was fine but it’s the same X match we’ve seen a dozen times and it’ll be forgotten in about 40 minutes.  The division is completely nondescript at the moment with nothing standing out at all.  Still though, this wasn’t terrible and was even kind of fun at times.  Decent opener but it’s kind of sad that X Title has fallen so far.

Steiner and Beer Money talk about their match.  Steiner is his usual insane self and is completely hilarious with his stuttering.  Now he’s walking around like a Frankenstein Monster.  Storm starts a You Suck chant.

AJ comes out for commentary.

Gunner/Murphy/Rob Terry vs. Beer Money/Scott Steiner

 

This should be good.  We have Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner.  That alone should sell the PPV.  Steiner’s muscles are scary.  Flair is going to be on Impact Thursday.  The fans chant Scotty.  He and Gunner start us off.  I can’t remember which is Gunner and which is Murphy so having Tazz tell us helps.  Murphy tries a leapfrog but gets caught in a belly to belly.

And now it’s Freak vs. Freak.  This should be awesome in various ways.  Steiner says pose, Beer Money distracts, Steiner hits a low blow which shouldn’t hurt due to the size of Terry’s testicles.  There are the pushups.  Off to Gunner vs. Storm now with the weather related guy doing better in this encounter.  He skins the cat and hits some clotheslines followed by a backdrop.

All Fourtune/Steroid dealer job insurance at the moment.  Terry interferes and here comes Goon #1.  We get an inset shot of AJ because I guess the wrestling isn’t important enough to look at?  Terry throws Storm around for a bit and a slam gets two.  Backstabber out of nowhere and it’s off to no one as Terry blocks the tag.  And so much for that as it’s off to Roode.

Roode misses a jumping forearm or there was miscommunication or something.  Gunner and Roode are the only ones off the floor.  Neckbreaker gets two for Roode.  Spinning Rock Bottom gets two as Murphy saves.  Beer Money both in now and they clean house.  We get the signature taunt and Terry thankfully takes out Storm who didn’t look at his opponents for about 40 seconds.  Roode hits spinebusters all around and it’s off to Steiner.  With Gunner on the top, Steiner busts out the Frankensteiner to end this.

Rating: C. This was your typical six man match.  Steiner was the star of it which is fine I guess as none of the heels mean anything and Beer Money is already well established.  Either way this was ok but really nothing special as we’ve seen it all a bunch of times before.  That’s the problem so far: nothing is unique or even special.  Granted we’re 35 minutes into the show so there’s more than enough time.

D-Von says that his sons aren’t in the match tonight.  That’s probably the best thing that they could do.  Yes, somehow Bubba vs. D-Von is the better option.

We recap Pope vs. Joe which is a storyline I’ve been rather interested in.  They’re trying something new here, but I would have liked Pope to be face more than a month.  Pope was collecting money but apparently was spending it on himself.  Then he said Joe was fat.

Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero

 

Joe’s cameraman’s name is now Okato.  I give up.  That Joe’s Gonna Kill You chant never gets old.  Pope’s tights say Pope’s Gonna Kill You.  We enter a stall here as I guess we’re channeling our inner Memphis.  We get a few shots and then hey it’s more stalling!  Maybe we’re in Pittsburgh.  Pope tries to walk and Okato stops him.  Pope: “This is ridiculous!”

Joe is like screw it and hits a suicide elbow to crush Pope and we’re finally going at it.  Pope tries a suplex but the power of fat stops him.  Here comes Joe with right jabs and a modified Pele.  Tazz is talking like Fonzie for some reason.  And I mean the one from Happy Days.  Face Wash time including a running one has Pope in big trouble.

The referee stops Joe and Pope gets a thumb to the eye.  A running knee to Joe’s back sends Joe to the floor.  Pope in control now as things slow way down.  There are a lot of punches and forearms here.  Tazz talks about Okato and can’t be serious with it.  Nice to see your commentators earning their pay there.  Swinging neckbreaker by Pope gets two.

Pope tries a middle rope fist but jumps into an atomic drop.  Running boot and backsplash get two as does a powerslam.  Out of nowhere Pope gets a modified GTS without Joe leaving his feet.  Cool move there.  Pope rips a turnbuckle pad off and the referee is fine with it somehow.  Joe blocks the ramming and Pope tries an O’Connor Roll.  It’s reversed into the Clutch though and I think Pope was tapping before the hold was on.

Rating: C. I think they’re going somewhere with the tapping thing but this wasn’t much of a match anyway.  It’s ok but this could have been on any TV show.  I was expecting something good here but Pope as a heel is just dull in the ring.  It’s ok but at the same time a big disappointment.  I’m starting to get a bad feeling about this show.

Post match Pope offers a handshake and kicks Joe low.  Okada (forget that other name) is put down also and Joe’s face goes into the exposed buckle.  The double knees to the back into the buckle can’t feel good.  Naturally Joe is busted.

Mickie says she’s better than Madison and that she’ll win.  I love how easy these promos are to summarize.

We recap the Knockouts’ Title feud which more or less is Mickie saying I want to win and Madison saying you want to win.  Oh and Madison has a loaded glove and it’s a Last Man Standing match.

Knockouts Title: Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James

 

Madison’s song is irritating as hell.  Mickie is dressed like Pocahontas for some reason.  She’s sent into the steps and the count is on.  Remember that you have to answer a ten count or you lose.  They fight up the ramp a bit with Madison in control.  Mickie gets in a shot to send Madison into the post for about five.  Taz tries to take a shot at the Divas and it doesn’t work that well.

Mickie gets a kick in and clotheslines Madison using the rope to send her to the floor for seven.  Cross body off the apron by Mickie puts both girls down.  She tries to get the loaded glove off but can’t quite get there.  And now we have a shot of the empty ring as the girls are under the ring.  Madison comes out as you can hear the crowd talking.  Ah there’s Mickie.

She morphs into karate action Mickie to put Madison down with a series of kicks.  And then with Madison down Mickie picks her up like a moron.  Back in the ring Mickie goes up and gets shoved off to the floor.  That gets a long nine which probably should have been ten.  Madison loads up the glove but Mickie gets a shot to the arm.

Thesz Press off the top puts Madison down for two.  Spinning kick puts the champion down again and Mickie steals the glove.  At about 8 Tara (called Victoria by Tazz) comes out to break it up.  Madison pulls brass knucks out of her boot and drills Mickie to keep the freaking title.  Oh dang it just give Mickie her title already!

Rating: C+. Decent match here but the ending was just so stupid.  There is ZERO justification to keep the title on Madison here and yet they’re just going to keep on doing it.  Well sure why not.  It’s not like no one cares about her or she’s nothing special in the ring or her gimmick is boring.  Good match, bad decision at the end.

Jeff Hardy says he’ll win.

Here’s Matt Morgan who calls out Hernandez.  Morgan says explain why you cost me my title shot.  Hernandez plays the freaking race card, wondering where his title shot was.  He went to Mexico to be with his people where he was treated great.  Naturally we get a Hernandez chant.  He’s tired of white America and today the minority is the majority.  This is Mexican country apparently and Morgan needs to get out.  Low blow by Hernandez sets up an FU which I guess is his new finisher.

Matt Hardy says he’s awesome but being nice never got him anywhere.  He’s Cold Blooded now.  He talks about being punished for Jeff leaving (talking about WWE because it’s been five minutes since we referenced them).  RVD is a stepping stoned apparently.  I thought he was stepping stoned but you get the idea.

Matt Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam

 

At least Matt got rid of the braids.  RVD starts with kicks but tries to roll around too much and is dropped on the top buckle.  Matt hammers away in the corner and doesn’t do much beside punches.  Van Dam tries to speed things up but can’t hit his apron moonsault as Matt trips him and his face hits the apron.  Is that our theme for this?  RVD’s face is dropped onto stuff?

On the floor now and Matt can’t suplex him onto the railing.  He gets draped over it though and there’s the spinning legdrop to the back of Hardy.  Van Dam fires some kicks but gets caught in an Orton DDT as he comes back in.  Back to the floor and RVD’s face goes into the railing.  Matt grabs a double underhook and rolls through into a body scissors and facelock.  That’s a new one.

Full nelson goes on as Matt is in control here.  There are the dueling chants because what would a match be without them?  Hardy with a Cravate to take RVD down one more time.  Back up and Matt dodges a kick to get a guillotine drop over the ropes.  Matt tries to come off the ropes but RVD gets a kick in to get us back to even.

Van Dam gets some clotheslines and a kick to set up Rolling Thunder.  Matt moves so Van Dam backflips into a moonsault for two.  Starship Pain minus the twisting gets two.  Matt gets a Side Effect out of nowhere for two.  Spin kick puts Matt down but RVD can’t get the Five Star.  Matt goes up but gets knocked down while attempting a superplex.  Instead we get a backdrop off the top.  Never seen that I don’t think.

Matt tries a moonsault which misses of course, starting a small earthquake in Florida.  Ok to be fair he’s looking a lot slimmer.  Van Dam takes the advantage and the Five Star ends it.  This was just ok but somehow might have been the match of the night so far.  What does that say about this show?

Rating: C. Another so-so match with WAY too many rest holds.  It’s just another stop on the road to RVD vs. Jeff Hardy which is just an ok sounding match.  Either way this wasn’t much with Matt not being interesting at all and not being a threat to RVD on a level playing field.  We’re 92 minutes into this show now and we haven’t gotten a good match yet.  We’ve had some ok ones, but nothing I’ll remember in 3 days.  That’s really bad.

Christy tries to get a reaction from Bully Ray.  Instead he yells at her and makes her cry then….licks her ear?  Anyway he says that he wants to make men out of D-Von’s boys.  There has to be a Disney song in there somewhere.  Ray makes more weird lines about D-Von and the kids.  He wants to beat the kids.

We recap the Dudleys exploding.  Basically Ray is a bully and attacked D-Von’s kids to set this up.

Bully Ray vs. D-Von

 

This is a street fight and D-Von’s kids will NOT be involved.  I’ll believe that when I don’t see it I guess.  Bubba hides before D-Von comes out so he can jump him.  Ray has the chain but D-Von turns around and the fight is on.  All D-Von to start but Bubba gets some punches in.  D-Von hits him in the head with a beverage to break the momentum though and we continue the brawl.

We get the kendo stick as it’s all D-Von now.  Ray tries to beg and slaps D-Von.  This isn’t interesting in the slightest mind you but it’s not horrible.  With D-Von completely in control his kids come out.  He tells them to go and gets drilled by a chair.  Bubba spits on them and sets up for the Pillmanizing of the neck again.  The kids get in the ring to stop it as Bubba threatens them with the chain.

D-Von makes the save and beats up Ray.  He goes to backdrop the fat white guy and Bubba shouts OH CRAP!  The kids beat up Bubba a bit and help D-Von out with What’s Up.  DAD!  GET THE TABLES!  I kid you not, that just actually happened.  Here’s the table but Bubba gets a low blow in.  And now we enter the bondage segment of the show with D-Von being handcuffed to the corner.

Bubba enters his bullying mode while the kids come in to try to help.  One of them gets taken down while the other fights back.  Bubba kicks him in the face and pins him to win the match.  Oh sweet goodness are you kidding me?  I had to close my eyes for a second there due to how stupid that was.  Why is it stupid?  They weren’t in the match but it counts anyway.  Well sure why not.

Rating: D. This was your standard brawl with a bad ending.  This feud isn’t interesting, it doesn’t elevate anyone and the ending was stupid as hell.  Naturally this is leading to a tables match and it’s all about the anti-bullying movement that is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!  I’m so over this bullying kick the country is on and I can’t stand it in wrestling.  All heels are bullies but only Bubba is an official one.

Bubba keeps yelling post match and threatens to hit the kids with a chair.  Is there no like, SECURITY or something?  Ah good at least D-Von yelled for them.  Yep there’s a powerbomb through the table and bad acting from D-Von.  Naturally the fans chant for another one.  Hey, IT’S A GUY TO GET D-VON OUT!  Good thing he wasn’t here EARLIER!  They do a stretcher ride to fill in more time.  Somehow the post match stuff was the best part of the show by far.  In a funny bit the kid that got kicked in the head is completely forgotten about until D-Von throws him over his shoulder like a bag of manure.

The Jarretts say this match is personal and about their kids.

Serious Kurt says he’s tired of Jeff messing with his kids and using them as pawns.  This is coming from the man using them as a stipulation to make a paycheck.

We recap Kurt vs. the Jarretts part 93, this time about Kurt’s kids.  They’ve been feuding for like 19 years so I don’t need to recap this.

Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett

 

Ok.  There are two matches left and it’s 10pm.  This has been one of the least interesting shows I have ever seen but up to this point it hasn’t been atrocious.  These two matches can bring this to a passable grade.  Don’t let me down TNA.  Crowd is totally behind Angle.  Shame he has no chance at all.  The fans chant sloppy seconds because this is a serious match.

They trade headlocks to start and Kurt gives Jarrett head.  His head I mean.  Dang I need to remember those possessive pronouns.  He lets Jeff grab his head.  In a headlock I mean.  Kurt lets Jeff grab a headlock.  Ok there I think that works.  Angle grabs the arm and bends Jeff over in front of him with it.  Would these two like some alone time?

Slow build so far with Jarrett only being able to get little shots in here and there while Kurt keeps control with relative ease.  Jeff is sent to the floor where Kurt hammers away.  Karen slaps him.  I’d love if the referee called it a DQ immediately.  Kurt fires shoulders in the corner but misses a charging one to send his shoulder into the post.  Top rope cross body by Jeff is rolled through for two.

Taz: “Kurt was that close to gaining custody of his children.”  I hate wrestling sometimes.  Kurt’s arm seems to be ok as he runs into a boot in the corner.  Back and forth a bit and Kurt can’t get the ankle lock.  Rolling Germans instead gets two.  There’s the ankle lock but Jarrett rolls through.  Angle Slam hits but Karen has the referee.  It’s not like it would have mattered as that hasn’t won a big match in years.

Jeff gets a low blow during that though and there’s the Stroke for two.  Down goes the ref (surprised?) and we hit the floor where Karen rakes Kurt’s back.  Kurt is sent into the steps a few times and we go back into the ring.  Jeff brings in a chair but Kurt gets it.  The referee stops Kurt from swinging it and Jeff gets a rollup for two.  Thank goodness on that as I would have cried it that had been the ending.  Ok not really.

Kurt goes up and Karen distracts him so that Jeff can hit something resembling the Stroke from the middle rope for two.  Well of course.  It’s an amplified finisher so why would you I expect it to get a win?  Angle grabs a quick German and there go the straps.  Ankle lock goes on, Karen distracts the referee, Jeff taps, ref is with Karen, Jeff gets a chair shot for two as these kickouts are getting absurd.  Angle gets a sunset flip but Jeff drops down onto him for the pin.  Yes, that’s the ending.

Rating: B. This was a good match but Karen held it back way too much.  Also constantly hearing about the kids was just freaking stupid.  The match was good and a clean ending was a breath of fresh air, but dang man this means we have to go through early March with this stupid feud.  By far the best match of the night and they’ve had far better ones in the past so this isn’t much.

Kurt leaves his boots in the ring which is a sign of retirement.  Oh not this again.

Anderson says that the odds are against him and goes a great imitation of Jesse Ventura.  Stop making me think of stuff I’d rather be watching.  There’s a Justin Bieber reference and I quit paying attention.

Long recap video on Hardy vs. Anderson which is supposed to be the epic feud in TNA but it’s just not there.  They talk about the pre-THEY stuff, 10/10/10, the concussion, the title change and Anderson thinking the belt looks stupid.

TNA World Title: Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson

 

They make a point to say there are two referees at ringside.  I don’t like where this is going.  Hardy spits at him and they slug it out after the big match intros.  There are multi-colored ladders at ringside including one with Christmas colors.  Anderson is still in his shirt which likely means nothing.  The first ladder is brought in and Anderson is rammed into it by Hardy to put both guys down.

Basic ladder spots to start which are good.  Hardy dropkicks it into Anderson’s balls and Ken is in trouble.  Anderson gets a Russian Leg Sweep to Hardy onto the ladder in the corner.  Ladder #2 is brought in and Anderson goes up.  He gets brought down with a sunset bomb to half kill Anderson.  Hardy sets Anderson up in front of the ladder in front of the corner.  He misses the leapfrog legdrop though and Anderson gets back up.

Anderson charges at Hardy but gets backdropped and bounces on the ladder.  FREAKING OW MAN!  Hardy opens a ladder and stands it upside down. Anderson fights back and goes after the legs which makes sense.  Shame it doesn’t get him anywhere as he’s sent to the floor.  Jeff wants the Christmas ladder and throws it at Anderson who catches it and throws it back.

Hardy sends him into the railing and Ken may have a bad wrist.  Poetry in Motion against the railing puts them both in the crowd.  Back in now and Jeff tries the release Gordbuster onto the upside down ladder.  Instead he gets suplexed onto it with the main landing being on his leg.  Anderson does the required slow climb and gets pulled down.  Diamond Cutter is called a Twist of Hate.

Jackson James, the possibly Immortal referee, hands Jeff a ladder as per his request.  It’s the colored one as Jeff didn’t want the black one.  Anderson counters and hits the rolling fireman’s carry slam (might be called the Green Bay Plunge) onto the ladder.  Anderson goes up and tries the Kenton Bomb but misses and hits the top of his head on the ladder.  Oh dear.

Jeff climbs again but can’t get there this time either as Anderson makes the save.  They’re both on a ladder up there and the slugout is on.  Anderson is almost down but manages to make the save.  He shoves the title away and it’s swinging back and forth.  And there go the ladders so everyone is more or less dead.  It was a Mic Check and I think Hardy was supposed to pull the belt down with him but to the shock of no one, they botched it.  Hardy throws him to the floor and goes up to get the title and wins it just like that.

Rating: B. Well the majority of the match was good but the ending was so abrupt that it was ridiculous.  Also I HATE the choice here as Hardy is such a boring champion but hey we have to push this Immortal thing right?  This was good but it wasn’t enough to save the show for sure.  I’m really bummed by this ending, but at the same time at least it was a good match.  Also, is there a reason Anderson had such a short reign?

Long celebration takes us out.

Overall Rating: D. This was bad but the Angle/Jarrett and ladder matches keep it from being a failure.  Now before you jump down my throat about the match grades being ok but the overall rating being bad, think about it.  There were about two worthless hours of ok at best matches that aren’t going to mean a thing.  Nothing was any good at all until the last hour which doesn’t make a show good.  When you have two hours of dull as hell the good matches are weighed down.  Bad show that we knew would be bad and it doesn’t look like anything is going to improve soon.  Weak PPV and one of the worst I’ve seen in a long time.

Results

Kazarian b. Robbie E – Fade to Black

Scott Steiner/Beer Money b. Gunner/Murphy/Rob Terry – Frankensteiner to Gunner

Samoa Joe b. D’Angelo Dinero – Coquina Clutch

Madison Rayne b. Mickie James – James couldn’t answer the ten count after a shot from brass knuckles

Rob Van Dam b. Matt Hardy – Five Star Frog Splash

Bully Ray b. D-Von – Ray pinned one of D-Von’s sons after a big boot

Jeff Jarrett b. Kurt Angle – Jarrett reversed a sunset flip into a cradle

Jeff Hardy b. Mr. Anderson – Hardy Grabbed the Belt

Lockdown 2005
Date: April 24, 2005
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Attendance: 775
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Don West

This is the first in the series and has my favorite TNA match ever on it. This is a show I’ve tried to find for a long time so this is a good treat. This was a show that was really weird when you first heard about it as every match is in the cage which was unthinkable when it was first announced. There are 8 matches here and one gets less than 14 minutes so this is a wrestling packed show. The company is still in its infancy here so the angles and a lot of the guys are going to be odd. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is a creepy version of Ring Around the Rosey which is supposed to be about the cage. Wouldn’t that be Rosey Around the Ring in this case? The narrator talks about what the cage would say if it could talk. Apparently it’s more or less a haunted house.

West and Tenay tell us about all the different kind of matches we’re having. Yes, we’re actually having a TAG TEAM match in a cage. SHOCKING!

We see Nash sitting in the back and having a staff infection which means he’s out tonight.

Apollo/Sonny Siaki vs. Chris Candido/Lance Hoyt

Hoyt is Vance Archer. Tenay tries to tell us that all of these matches are going to be main event matches because they’re all in the cage. This isn’t a main event match anywhere in the country as Gorilla would not say I guess you would say. Apollo and Siaki are teaming together because they had a match together and are friends now or something. Sounds like a bromance to me.

Candido has been pretending to be hurt lately so no one can trust him. Or they can’t trust him because he’s a heel. That’s always a possibility. Apollo and Hoyt chop it out as the two big guys in this. Apollo gets a jumping back elbow to take him down. The fans chant shut the door for some reason. Candido is helped out of the cage. He had a broken leg and would be dead in four days due to a blood clot. He was 33.

So now it’s a handicap match with Hoyt hitting a moonsault for two. That was rather impressive actually. Siaki had a good look. I’m not sure why he never really did anything outside of this company. Siaki does the running Angle suplex on Hoyt as he’s in big trouble with the faces just picking him apart now. He misses a clothesline and kind of falls down. A TKO from Apollo sets up a top rope splash from Siaki for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was weak but at the same time it’s very hard to grade it fairly given the change they had to make maybe two minutes in. It really was a shame about Candido as he did nothing wrong and still died. I know often times we use the word tragedy loosely but this actually was as it was a pure accident. Anyway, the match isn’t very good but given what they had to work with it was ok.

Post match the Naturals, Candido’s team, comes out to yell at Hoyt who hurts them for a bit before the numbers catch up with him. I’d assume this is to fill in time due to the match likely having to be cut short. This goes on for a very long time.

Dusty is with Traci and Trinity which is a thing that was always disturbing. Apparently AMW and Team Canada got into a fight before the show started and nothing of note happens from that. We get the drawing for the first guys from both (three man) teams in Lethal Lockdown and it’s Jarrett vs. Waltman to start us off.

Dustin Rhodes talks about his match with Bobby (Robert) Roode which is about Texas vs. Canada. Yes, we get it, Texas has a lot of wrestlers and they’re all cowboys. Why are they fighting other than that? Who cares, as it’s a 2/3 Falls Prince of Darkness Death Match. The part that should shock no one is that the Prince of Darkness aspect means nothing at all. Roode was the henchman of Team Canada actually which is surprising.

Bobby Roode vs. Dustin Rhodes

That rock version of O Canada is kind of awesome. Oh ok apparently if we go to the third fall it’s a blindfold match. Why? Who care apparently as we have a gimmick! Roode gets a very fast pin. Or at least we think he did as there’s no signal from the referee, no bell, no announcement or anything like that. Thanks for letting us know that guys.

Dustin wants to do Shattered Dreams but is threatened with a DQ. He does it anyway and apparently that’s just fine. Perhaps it’s because this is a cage match? Top rope suplex to Roode which is saying a lot due to how tall Dustin is. Big powerslam gets two as it’s all Dustin at this point. Dustin gets another low blow but the bulldog is blocked and here comes Roode.

Roode does the multiple covers for two and we hit the chinlock. He shifts it into the rear naked choke. How is this really different than what Joe does where it’s lethal? It’s so weird hearing Roode being talked about as the muscle of the group. Ah apparently it’s not a choke but a camel clutch style grip. That explains a few things. Dustin counters with an electric chair and both guys are down.

Dustin sends him into the door and it pops open and knocks out the cameraman. That’s rather awesome. Set for the Final Curtain or whatever it’s called but Dustin stands around for about 45 seconds which is amazingly enough enough time for Roode to counter into his clothesline to the back of Dustin’s head which gets two because his foot is on the rope. Yes you can get out of a pin in a cage match with your foot on the rope. I give up.

Roode goes for a German off the top but he’s no Kurt Angle so Dustin rams his head into the cage and hits the bulldog to tie it up. I hate that move. And now we put on hoods for absolutely no reason at all. Is there ANY explanation for this being added in? Yep this is stupid as they stumble around trying to find each other and they’ve got nothing.

They finally back into each other so Dustin grabs a headlock but Roode shoves him off. Then they take out the referee as I look for a noose to attach to my neck. D’Amore throws in a chair and then climbs in himself. Roode doesn’t get who is there so he cracks his coach with a chair. Dustin gets the chair and cracks Roode with it for the pin. Sweet goodness this was stupid.

Rating: D-. This was stupid before the hoods and then ridiculous once they went on. What in the heck was the point to that? Also we get to hear Dustin’s stupid banjo/country song twice now. Someone explain the point to this gimmick to me? Can anyone do that? I can’t find any explanation for it. Ah Russo was in charge at this point. There’s your answer.

Christopher Daniels runs down XXX and Skipper, his partner in that team. Skipper comes up to yell at him and says the time is right. That match is later of course.

Xscape Match: Matt Bentley vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Chris Sabin vs. Shocker

I miss the HAIL SABIN thing. The idea here is you have to get rid of two guys by traditional means and then get out of the cage once it’s one on one. This isn’t for anything apparently. Shocker is a luchador. Dang they have to tag in this. Does anyone think these things through? Sabin and Dutt give us a gymnastic routine to start which gets a well rounded golf clap.

Dutt was insane to watch. He wasn’t particularly good but he was fun to watch. Tenay tries to tell us that this is the tallest cage in wrestling. They’ve never been to an OVW cage match. That this is taller than the Cell. Dutt and Shocker double team Bentley. He never was very good but he’s Shawn Michaels cousin so there you go. Dutt is bleeding from the elbow. Bentley beats him up for a bit. Thankfully the Bentley Bounce isn’t part of this match.

More gymnastics from Dutt who brings in Sabin again. This is a spotfest if I’ve ever seen one. There’s no flow or anything to it as they just move from spot to spot. Not saying it’s bad mind you, but it’s just kind of all over the place. West: the wall of the steel cage is like a wall of steel. Somehow he’s still better than Tazz. Shocker comes back in and gets a cradle on Bentley for two.

Bentley gets a reverse Tarantula on Shocker, as in his legs are wrapped around Shocker’s head and he’s grabbing Shocker’s feet while their backs are facing each other. Dutt comes in to put a chinlock on Bentley so Sabin comes in to put a Boston Crab on Dutt. Cool looking spot but it’s not like it gets us anywhere as they break it in a few seconds.

Sabin hits a BIG running powerbomb on Dutt but Shocker saves for no apparent reason. Bentley sends Dutt into the cage but Shocker cleans house and hits a corkscrew elbow to get rid of Dutt. Shocker vs. Bentley now with Shocker going up but getting hit by a Northern Lights Suplex off the top for two.

Trinity, the chick there with Bentley, comes up to help him so Traci comes out to stop her. And so much for that as she gets shoved off and hurts her ankle. Trinity goes to the top of the cage and hits a BIG moonsault off the top to take out all three guys. Traci comes in again and AGAIN gets shoved out. Sabin gets Cradle Shock on Bentley to get us down to one on one.

Ok so now it’s an escape match. They both get crotched on the top rope and we’re both down. And then they both climb at the same time and fight on top of the cage before both drop down but Shocker hits first. I’d love someone to just jump off the top and run through the door instead of climbing down like that one time. Kind of a weak ending.

Rating: C+. Pretty fun match here but the ending and the tagging hurt it a good deal. That moonsault from Trinity was pretty freaking awesome though and I’m surprised it’s not on more highlight reels. It’s a shame this wasn’t like, for something other than bragging rights I guess. Not bad and I’ve never gotten why Shocker just kind of left as he was pretty good.

We’re told Candido’s leg was broken and we see clips of it. Naturally no one knew what would come of this so it’s not like they were exploiting it.

We recap Hardy vs. Raven which the idea was Raven wanted to hook up with Hardy or something and Hardy said no because he wrestled for his fans (who never got him anything but three WWE Titles and his job in TNA once he left WWE). Raven didn’t like him saying no so he hit him with a garbage can. That sounds like a recipe for a tables match if I’ve ever heard one.

Jeff Hardy vs. Raven

Tables match here because it needed a gimmick clearly. Hardy doesn’t get that apparently and comes out with chairs. TNA supplied the tables I guess since there’s at least one in there when we start. Hardy has been reborn apparently. Wow that happens to him a lot. I love that hole in the cage that TNA uses as it’s a really unique look for cage matches. Raven in control here with pretty basic stuff.

Hardy has some red/pink paint on his skin so it looks like he’s covered in blood. Raven gets the DDT and puts Hardy against a table in the corner. He misses his shoulder into it though so Jeff hasn’t won yet. At least they covered that earlier on. This is getting rather boring rather quickly. Raven is bleeding and it’s pretty bad after a bit. Raven goes up for what looks like the Stroke off the top but they just pretty much jump off the top with no contact at all.

Some New York Mets are here. Twist of Fate by Hardy and now it’s table time again. He’s a rock and roll star now too apparently. Raven is put on the table and Jeff goes all the way up to the top of the cage and takes forever to get there, meaning Raven of course gets out of the way for the big bump. Trinity’s was better. We waste a bit of time with Raven taking control and then Jeff fighting back.

Hardy tries to open Raven up a bit more and then hits him in the back. And there’s a low blow to take care of that offensive streak. Something TNA didn’t get back in the day: long matches don’t mean good matches. Jeff does Raven’s drop toehold to Raven which he isn’t the best at selling. He climbs out for no apparent reason and Raven shoves the door open to crotch Jeff on it.

Apparently when Jeff gets bored he climbs out of cages. It makes as much sense as anything else I suppose. Jeff jumps off as apparently drugs make you be able to no sell low blows and jumps into a boot. There are pieces of at least four tables in there. Think that’s enough? Actually make that six plus two chairs. Raven sets up two double stacks of tables and then climbs up like an idiot. Jeff knocks him onto them and hits a leg drop off the top to “drive” Raven through them but the lack of room and the high amount of tables made it look like it was in slow motion.

Rating: D. Did ANYONE want to see Raven vs. Jeff in a 15 minute tables match in a cage? Have you ever seen a one fall fifteen minute tables match? Just WAY too long here with Raven being boring for the most part and Jeff just wanting to jump off high things and no sell metal pipes hitting his balls. I fail to see the point here for the most part and this just didn’t do it for me in the slightest. What reason was there for this to be a tables match? Someone explain that to me please. I’d like a reason.

We recap the tag title match which is AMW vs. Team Canada. AMW is the original great tag team in TNA and basically this feud has been going on forever because Team Canada wants the titles.

We recap the Hardy vs. Raven match a bit first because they have to clear the ring.

Tag Titles: America’s Most Wanted vs. Team Canada

This is a strap match and Team Canada is Petey Williams and Eric Young. AMW made this a strap match earlier today so no one got to hear about it. I wonder if that was intentional. Young is just a generic heel here that was only a bit nuts but not quite. More eccentric than anything else. AMW is James Storm and Chris “Braden Walker” Harris. They were awesome and I want one of their trench coats.

AMW are cage veterans after the EPIC cage match they had with XXX which I’ll have to get to soon. Harris and Williams fight on the floor while Young tries to get out but Storm beats the tar out of him up on top. They crotch Young on top and ram his legs into the cage. A-1, the Canadian muscle dude, hits Harris with the belt so he’s stuck on the floor. He gets Storm with it too so the champions are in trouble.

With Harris outside the idiot security guard locks the cage. Does no one pay attention in this company? A-1 keeps beating up Harris on the floor which is fine apparently. Young is a daredevil apparently. He’s still annoying. The Canadians beat up Storm in the ring as we’re just waiting on Harris to make the Superman comeback and get in. Storm is bleeding.

About three fans try to get a let’s go cowboy (Storm’s nickname at the time) chant going and it’s just sad. A-1, back COVERED in acne, sends Harris into the table. Williams and Young get the American flag off the top of the cage and use it to choke Storm before the referee gets it away. Well that was pointless. Storm makes a brief comeback as Harris knocks A-1 into the railing. And so much for that as Young knocks Harris down off the cage and into the railing.

Storm just goes OFF on Young with the strap but walks into a tornado DDT from Williams for two. There’s a you F’D up chant about something but it’s not really clear what. Harris takes A-1 down again before trying to get in for like the 7th time. FINALLY he gets in and takes out Team Canada with a double clothesline that doesn’t hit Young at all but who cares?

This is an actual 2-2 match about ten minutes in. We get it to even or so before the fans chant TURKEY LEGS at something. Williams goes for a Sharpshooter as Young adds an elbow off the top which breaks up the Sharpshooter but only gets two. Young broke up Williams’ Sharpshooter if you missed that as it was a bit odd. Canadian Destroyer is broken up by a Harris spear for two.

Death Sentence (Trash Compactor) misses and A-1 slips the flag/hockey stick in through the camera hole and a shot from that to Harris gets two. When that doesn’t work A-1 slips some powder to Williams but it’s kicked back into his face. He can’t see so he low blows Young and hits the Destroyer on him. A Death Sentence to Williams ends this seconds later.

Rating: B-. Pretty good stuff here with AMW being on defense for the vast majority of the time but eventually winning when they, the champions, were united. Also the whole cheating backfiring thing worked very well too with the evil Canadians trying one time too many to cheat and it catching up with them. AMW was awesome but they had no competition which is what caught up with them eventually.

We recap Skipper vs. Daniels. They lost a match at Turning Point (which the video package gets wrong, saying it was in 2002 when it was 2004) meaning they couldn’t team together again. This led to a fatal fourway at Destination X where Daniels turned on Skipper and pinning him to get the title, setting this up. The voiceover guy is way too upbeat.

X-Division Title: Christopher Daniels vs. Elix Skipper

Let’s see if Daniels can have a match that doesn’t bore me to death. I know he’s like the king of the Indies or whatever but he just bores me to death for the most part other than when he’s fighting Joe or AJ. Feeling out process to start with no one being able to get an advantage. Both finishers are blocked early with a lot of takedowns and nice mat work, especially by Skipper who I’ve always liked a bit.

Can we do something other than a gymnastics competition? There were four attempts at leapfrogs which no one went under so they were just running and jumping. Daniels chops away but walks into a butterfly suplex to give Skipper something of an advantage. Daniels sends him into the cage to reverse that though as we’re almost five minutes in and it’s still little more than feeling out.

This works actually as they were talking about how they knew each other so well before the match so the counters and no one being able to get an extended advantage works. Skipper’s arm is hurt after going into the cage and we have some psychology coming into play. This goes on for a good while as Daniels pounds on it with basic moves for a good while.

An armdrag from the middle rope takes down Skipper again and more arm work follows. By that I mean about five minutes straight at this point. A one arm spinebuster gets Skipper some relief. The announcers are talking about Skipper’s cage walk being listed as the #1 cage match moment in TNA history. Yes apparently there’s a list of cage match moments for a company less than three years old.

Skipper hits a guillotine leg drop off the top to get two. He goes for something that looked like Orton’s backbreaker but the shoulder gives out. Best Moonsault Ever gets two so he goes all the way to the top for I’d assume another one but Skipper gets up to crotch him. He teases the cage walk again but Daniels gets down. Skipper is like screw it and jumps off the top to hit Daniels but takes out the referee too for just a bit. He goes for Sudden Death but his shoulder gives out and Angels Wings (a lifting sitout Pedigree) ends it.

Rating: B. Fun stuff here again with basically a mat based and technical match that happened to be in a cage. This of course begs the question of why was this in a cage. There was no point to having this in there as it would have been more or less the same match without it. Then again why am I looking for logic in a company like this? The match was good though with the psychology playing in throughout the whole match which is the best it’s going to get.

Dusty lets us know the next guy in the Lethal Lockdown match. There are six total so there won’t be a coin toss apparently. In third is….censored, but if you can read lips you can see he says The Outlaw.

We recap Lethal Lockdown which is WarGames light at this point. It’s only three on three here with the main feud being DDP vs. Jarrett who is world champion here. They keep censoring the word Outlaw on this which might be a DVD thing or something. We know who he is already so it’s kind of odd. Maybe a copyright thing. The other guys are Sean Waltman (X-Pac) and Nash (injured remember) with Page and Outlaw (censored) and Monty Brown. Outlaw’s name is censored again and it’s blurred out on the graphic but his face is shown. Very odd indeed.

Lethal Lockdown: Team Page vs. Team Jarrett

You can bring your own weapons and it’s five minutes to start. Waltman vs. Jarrett to start. Waltman is in street clothes and brings a trash can. I guess he brought his home with him and sold his gear for crack. Jarrett is in street clothes too. Please do not call this a bunkhouse match. He has his own trash can full of weapons too. They fight in the aisle to start.

They’re in the crowd now as the cage sits empty. That’s rather unfair to it. I bet it’s lonely. They fight in the crowd and there’s no camera so we can’t see anything. This is already making my head hurt. And now they separate for awhile as the clock for the five minutes continues to count down. On the announce table now with Jarrett getting destroyed. Blast it there’s a bullrope and cowbell. WHAT IS WRESTLING’S OBSESSION WITH THOSE THINGS???

A chair shot misses Jarrett and after three minutes we’re finally in the cage. Basic cage offense follows with Waltman in control. Bronco Buster misses and both guys are down with forty seconds left. Waltman takes him down as Kip James (not called Outlaw here) is in third. He’s on Team Jarrett and they have a two minute advantage now. What is with the street clothes here?

They spend the vast majority of these two minutes walking around with the occasional stomp coming. DDP comes in and pulls the Singapore cane out like Leonardo pulling out a sword, thereby making him awesome. Things pick up a bit but we’re just killing time here. Monty Brown comes in with DDP controlling for the most part. That’s the last heel to come in.

Brown has a bat and of course a shot to the back of Page doesn’t injure him severely. Jarrett breaks the cane over the back of Page which he still gets up from. The cameraman decides a shot of Jarrett’s legs is more important than whatever the other guys are doing. The final guy is BG James (Road Dogg, who is part of a rap stable with Konnan and R-Truth at this point).

BG hits the referee and we get the showdown between the Outlaws (censored) and it goes nowhere. Bronco Buster to Jarrett. Brown Pounces everyone but Page breaks up the pin. This is more or less just a glorified six man hardcore match. Diamond Cutter to Jarrett gets two as he makes sure to shift over so that Kip can break it up. Waltman and Brown do an awful looking sequence so then they do it again so that Waltman can get the pin.

Rating: D+. Just ok at best here with nothing of note going on. Page’s team wins and the feud more or less went nowhere after this. This was more or less absolutely nothing with too few people, nothing special in terms of violence and just dull overall. Waltman won on a victory roll of all things. A violent match won with a victory roll. Let that sink in a bit.

A bit more brawling goes on afterwards and the Outlaws stare at each other a bit.

We recap the main event. Basically Abyss had been a monster jerk and AJ stood up to him. The match is for the #1 contendership and gets Jarrett at Hard Justice. One of the earliest memories I have of TNA is this brawl they had on Impact where Abyss destroyed him.

Abyss vs. AJ Styles

For the few of you that might be wondering, this is my favorite TNA match ever. AJ is YOUNG looking here which is saying a lot as he’s still young today but here he looks like he’s about 19. He’s a two time world champion here though which is never mentioned anymore for no apparent reason. Abyss is listed at 350lbs here again but he’s a LOT slimmer looking here.

He still has the chains here which were a nice touch for him. I have no idea why but they are. AJ dives through the door to take down Abyss before he gets in. Abyss tries to whip him into the railing but AJ baseball slides UNDERNEATH the railing and jumps up onto it and hits a rana to take down Abyss. That was freaking awesome and happened inside of five seconds.

All AJ to start as we’re still on the floor. Abyss had more or less been unstoppable recently since splitting from his stablemate Alex Shelley (let that sink in for a bit) so this is a major showdown and seeing Abyss reeling is odd to see. Abyss fights him back and whips him into the railing again so this time AJ channels his inner Morrison and double jumps up to a platform into the crowd, spins around and jumps over FIVE ROWS of fans to his the forearm on Abyss. This is one of the most awesome performances I’ve ever seen and we’re maybe three minutes into this.

AJ dives at Abyss on the railing ala Sting but instead of crashing into it clears the railing by a good foot and hits the ground in the crowd. Abyss pounds on him a bit but AJ just kicks the tar out of him to escape for a bit. West talks about Kenny Chesney for absolutely no apparent reason.

They open the door of the cage after about six minutes of brawling. The difference between this and the stupid stuff before: this was INCREDIBLY entertaining and the fans were way into it as opposed to Jarrett and Waltman walking around and occasionally hitting each other with something. AJ and Abyss never stopped moving and the fans were into it because of it. The difference here: hard work works better than walking around hitting each other with weapons.

AJ punches Abyss HARD but gets the cage door slammed into his arm and then his face where he snaps down to the floor. It looked like he got hit by a bus or something as fast as he hit the ground. Great selling there. AJ is busted open and Abyss pounds away even more. AJ finally in the cage now as Abyss looks under the ring for the bag of tacks. About eight and a half minutes in they’re in the cage together.

Abyss chokes him with the chain and we play tug of war. AJ simply will not quit and keeps hammering away to no avail though. With the chain on the top turnbuckle, Abyss launches AJ over his head in kind of a forced leapfrog and his head slams into the chain. The fans think this is awesome and for once they’re right. They stop for a bit for the a neck crank and AJ sells the heck out of it too.

AJ charges again but Abyss grabs him in a gorilla press and LAUNCHES him up to just let him crash down. He tries it again but AJ counters into a DDT onto the chain. Two punches and an enziguri takes Abyss down as does a headscissors. AJ hits a moonsault press but Abyss just lets him bounce off which was cool looking. AJ sends him into a chair into the corner that Abyss set up and gets a German suplex for two that looked good.

He goes for the Styles Clash but Abyss is way too big for that. Chokeslam is countered into a rollup for two. AJ gets another running start but walks into the Black Hole Slam for a VERY long two. Dang Abyss looks awesome (what am I saying?) when he really uncorks that thing. Yep there are the tacks. Black Hole Slam into them are countered as is a powerbomb.

AJ gets the Styles Clash (ok more like a falling face first slam but we’ll give it to him) into the tacks for two. Wow I would have bet on that being the ending. You know if I didn’t know the ending already. Abyss is ROCKED here which was unthinkable until this match. AJ goes to the top of the cage and Abyss can’t catch him. His solution: throw the referee at the cage to knock AJ off. That was awesome.

Abyss climbs up as AJ is barely hanging on. He goes up with the chain and might be thinking to hang him as he had on Impact. Yep that’s what he’s going for. AJ is on the outside and Abyss on the inside and yep he’s hanging him. AJ gets the chain off somehow and Abyss grabs the chokeslam. AJ bites his fingers and opens those thing up! AJ jumps off the top of the cage and hits a freaking sunset flip powerbomb onto the tacks from the top of the cage to get the pin as Abyss is DEAD.

Rating: A+. OH YES! AJ was absolutely amazing here and it was definitely Abyss’ best match ever. This was just a total war for twenty minutes with AJ never stopping and taking it to Abyss much like Flair did back at Starrcade 93 to Vader. There was no gimmick here as it was just a big old fight in a cage with weapons brought in for fun. AJ would get the title the next month….and then lose it to Raven the next month because the world was clamoring for more Raven and less AJ. Uh…sure. He wouldn’t get it back for over four years.

Overall Rating: B. If you cut off about an hour of this show (as in three of the first four matches or so) this is an awesome show. The first two matches were pretty bad, the third was decent, Hardy vs. Raven got fifteen minutes which was just ridiculous and then the rest other than maybe Lethal Lockdown was very good. The early days of this company’s PPV era were very hit or miss and this one was a hit for the most part but for the most part this worked. Fun show but VERY dragging so I’d recommend a fast forward button here.a