The show is tomorrow and I forgot to put this up until now.

There are only two things that matter so here are my picks for them:Given how they’ve changed the finals of the tournament from a fourway at the beginning to a tournament (I might have imagined that one since it makes the most sense) to whoever has the most points, I have no idea who is winning it.  I mean it’s not like TNA did anything on Impact to make us care about the matches or tell us who needs to do what to win for people that were being sold on the PPV at the last show, but that would have made sense and is why TNA never grows its audience.  I’ll take Roode for lack of anyone better.

As for the main event I’ll take Angle I guess but I’m not caring about the match or the show much at all.

Your picks?  You can predict any of the matches of course.

Smackdown
Date: September 8, 2011
Location: Huntington Center, Toledo, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We have two more shows before Night of Champions and to the best of my knowledge we have one match on Smackdown set. There’s no IC Title match and the tag title match is on Raw. Wait…are there any other title matches from this show? If there are I can’t think of any. This isn’t exactly a stacked card from the Blue team and Cody is hardly ever on TV anymore because he actually got some momentum and we can’t have that no can we? Let’s get to it.

A video about Mark Henry starts us off. He’s big and mean and strong. Also he’s injured a lot of people because that’s what big mean strong people do.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is being in a dentist chair for two hours next week.

Here’s Henry who almost has to win the title to keep from wasting the last three months of our time. He talks about being in WWE 15 years and needing to validate his time here. Last week he destroyed Orton worse than Orton has ever been destroyed and now he’s more dangerous than he’s ever been.

He gets cut off by Zack Ryder who is still assistant to the GM here. Ryder comes bearing news: tonight there’s a no contact rule for Henry and Orton. They both have matches tonight though. Ryder tries to leave but Henry says come back here. He thanks Ryder for the head’s up and Ryder tries to leave again. Henry says he has a question and Ryder is terrified.

Henry wants Ryder’s prediction for the PPV. He picks Beth over Kelly Kelly. As for Henry’s match though, if he picks Orton then Henry will “snort me up one nostril and out the other.” Ryder tries to leave again and Henry says he’s going to hurt someone tonight. Ryder tries to fight him and that gets him a World’s Strongest Slam. Cole: “I think that puts Henry out of the running for Broksi of the Week.” Booker: “You know it.”

Ezekiel Jackson vs. Mark Henry

Henry wants a test of strength and Jackson is all cool with that. Jackson goes down and starts the traditional face comeback in a test of strength but Henry backdrops him out of it. There’s a top wristlock in another strength contest. Jackson fires off some punches and tries the Rack but since he lifted the bigger Khali a few weeks ago he can’t lift Henry here. Don’t you just love physics in wrestling? Henry gets him down with a clothesline and hits two splashes before the Slam ends this at 2:58. Just a squash.

Orton’s match tonight is with Rhodes. I’m stunned too: Rhodes still exists.

Teddy is in his office and here’s Aksana in more leather. She wants to be guest ring announcer again and Teddy says that would take the special out of special guest ring announcer. She says she can do something else with her mouth: sing. Teddy leaves to go check on Zack Ryder.

Sin Cara vs. Tyson Kidd

The topic of conversation of course is Cara’s heelish…..er I mean rudo actions last week. Cara sends Kidd to the floor and hits a huge dive to take out Tyson. Cole starts making fun of Josh so Booker gets us back to sanity. Josh says he would interview Sin Cara but he doesn’t speak Spanish. Cole gives him a Spanish lesson as the match is totally ignored. Cara and Kidd have their usual fast paced back and forth match. A spinning springboard cross body gets two for Kidd who rolls through Cara’s cover. Cara hits a cross between a Samoan Drop and an Angle Slam to set up the Swanton/Lionsault combo for the pin at 3:31.

Rating: C+. The usual good match from these two with some nice dives and counters, but as he always does anymore, Cole took the focus completely off the match and made it all about himself. We have some high flying stuff going on out there but hey, let’s have Cole teach us (incorrectly) how to fake a conversation in Spanish and make fun of Booker’s way of commentating. I used to think he was no big deal and that people were overreacting to him but dude, shut up for five minutes already.

As per Cole’s more or less demandments, Josh goes to interview Cara. Cole cracks up as Josh talks really slowly. Cara speaks English and says….well now he’s in Spanish again. Oh ok he’s doing the wrestling thing of saying something in Spanish and then repeating it in English. He says he’s going to continue this style because it’s the real Sin Cara.

Cue Daniel Bryan who isn’t happy. He’s surprised Cara can speak English and was also surprised that Cara kicked him in the head last week. The kick spoke in a universal language: he doesn’t respect Bryan. Bryan wants a rematch next week and Cara drills him, putting him in the LeBell Lock and Bryan taps.

Video on Cody. He’s disfigured don’t you know.

Orton says Cody’s changes haven’t been for the better. He’s unstable and that can be dangerous. As for Mark Henry, what he did last week was smart and calculated, which aren’t usually associated with Henry. Orton says an RKO can stop Henry.

Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya

Why doesn’t Natalya get a title shot on PPV? Beth is coming up on her second. Beth is with Nattie and Kelly is alone. Kelly hammers away to start and we’re told about some article on WWE.com which set everyone off. That would make a difference if the article had come out before the heel turn started but whatever. Natalya beats her down on the floor and is in total control.

We go old school with an abdominal stretch. Cole of course won’t shut up about everything not related to the match. Kelly fights back with a slap and a sunset flip which is rolled through into a Sharpshooter attempt but Kelly rolls her up for the pin at 2:58. Another short match but Kelly escaping with the win is getting a bit old. Hopefully Beth takes it Sunday or Eve finally turns on her.

Here’s Christian for a match but he says his match has been postponed. The rest of the matches have been postponed too. Due to Teddy Long making him be in the main event last week, he wasn’t ready for his cage match. Christian wants, say it with me, one more match for the title.

Sheamus comes out and says this is getting embarrassing. Christian reminds Sheamus as a litter of puppies. All but the runt grew up to be big and strong but the runt developed mange. Every time he barked, hot air came out of him. Christian yells at him and says shut up. The pale one says he wants to get to his match and Christian isn’t going to get another chance because he’s out of excuses and out of chances. Right now though, he’s going to get out of this ring. Christian actually leaves. And I’m sure he won’t come back at all right?

Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus

The crowd is behind Sheamus so at least they’re well behaved. It’s a power match to start with Sheamus controlling but not by much. Barrett gets a kick in to block a backdrop and then runs to the floor. Back in Barrett beats him down a bit and Sheamus is like BY THE POWER OF IRELAND and pounds him down in the corner. Sheamus gets reversed into the corner though and Barrett takes over for the first extended period of the match so far.

Barrett puts on a chinlock as we take a break. Back with Wade getting two off something we didn’t see. Out to the floor again and Barrett gets a big boot in and rams Sheamus’ back into the apron a few times, getting two in the ring. Barrett gets a single right hand to put Sheamus on the floor. Back in Sheamus fires off and it’s a slugfest won by the pale one. There are those tied in the rope forearm smashes, now getting counted along with by the crowd. A top rope shoulder block hits but here’s Christian for the DQ at 6:53 shown of 10:23.

Rating: C+. These two are good for a power brawl and that’s what they had here. I’m not sure what else they were supposed to try to do so they didn’t try anything complicated. There’s always something fun about two big and strong guys out there hitting each other until one can’t get up and that’s what they were getting close to by the end. Fun little match. Also Sheamus vs. Christian could be a pretty entertaining feud.

Sheamus starts beating Christian back but gets double teamed by the Canadian and the Brit. That’s not a problem either as he gets Christian to run and takes Barrett out with a double sledge and the Brogue Kick. Christian comes back in and almost gets caught in the Celtic (formerly High) Cross but he gets out and runs.

Air Boom vs. Great Khali/Jinder Mahal

Kofi’s pyro works tonight as opposed to Monday. Bourne vs. Mahal gets us going with Mahal getting a clothesline for two. Off to tall dude who has to lean down to hit Bourne in the back. Khali smothers Bourne’s face against the top rope and it’s back to Mahal. This referee is really loud.

Bourne escapes a suplex by kneeing Mahal in the head which was impressive. Hot tag to Kofi and he cleans house. Boom Drop hits and he loads up the Trouble in Paradise. Instead he hits a spinning cross body off the top and Khali saves. Mahal yells at Khali and slaps him, making Khali shove him into Trouble in Paradise for the pin at 3:10.

Rating: D+. Just a quick tag match and I’m kind of disappointed that they’ve split up the Indian dudes this quickly. They could have been something interesting especially with an actual backstory to them. Mahal was a hot guy when he came in and has come crashing down since then and I don’t get why. I guess this sets up Khali vs. Mahal and I’m not sure why that’s happening.

We run down the card for NOC.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton

Non-title here of course. We get a clip of Ted getting beaten down by Cody after his loss. Cody talks about how everyone is jealous of his abilities and his success. He’s tried to inspire people but Ted DiBiase was happy being Ted DiBiase so he dropped him. Rhodes points out that Orton has no room to talk about being unstable.

Feeling out process to start and neither guy has a real advantage. Orton gets two on a dropkick. Here are the stomps which Cole calls psychological. Almost all Orton so far but they have a lot of time. Thesz Press keeps Rhodes down. Cody gets in a shot with the mask and Randy goes down. Cole goes into a big rant about Josh being a follower or some jazz like that as Orton makes a comeback.

Orton headbutts the mask and takes over with an adrenaline rush off the pain. Booker: “Cole has anyone ever told you that you’re just annoying?” Orton injures his knee a bit and Cody hones in like a wrestler that sees an opponent with an injured knee. Rhodes puts him on the apron and hits his kick as we take a break. Back with Cody still in control in the corner.

Cody works over the arm because he’s a bit strange at times. You know, I mean it’s not like ORTON HURT HIS KNEE EARLIER. Time for Cole to work his annoyances again as Booker mentions he has wrestling students. Cody works on the arm even more which I guess is the focal point now. Orton has had bad arms/shoulders so it works I guess. Rhodes throws on an armbar and the fans chant for Randy.

Alabama Slam cuts the comeback short but it only gets two. Orton gets a shot in and both guys are down. Booker gets WAY too excited when Randy starts his comeback. There are the clotheslines and the powerslam but Rhodes gets a release gordbuster to break up the momentum again. Orton fires back with a kneedrop as this is starting to get good. Elevated DDT and Orton goes into seizure mode. Rhodes shows some intelligence and RUNS while Orton is all fired up. Cross Rhodes are avoided and the RKO ends this clean at 6:57 shown of 10:27.

Rating: B-. This could be really good in an instance where Cody has a chance, but here he was just cannon fodder for Orton. The problem here is that Cody has lost a bunch of steam in the past few weeks since he won the title because just like everyone else who gets some momentum he’s immediately stopped cold so that a guy the writers haven’t picked doesn’t become something huge. This is probably the biggest problem in WWE at the moment: no one is allowed to get significant momentum and it cripples so many pushes.

Here’s Henry post match and Orton is a bit scared. Orton gets in some shots but Henry takes him down with ease. He hits the Slam and puts an unfolded chair over Orton’s throat and says he could break him, ending the show.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty good show this week as we move closer to Night of Champions. Orton vs. Henry gets a bit more build but it’s kind of the same stuff we’ve seen so far. I guess the no touching policy was either forgotten or was only in effect until after their matches were over. Other than that there isn’t much going on here but Christian vs. Sheamus should be good….when we actually get there. Good show overall but a bit boring.

Results

Mark Henry b. Ezekiel Jackson – World’s Strongest Slam

Sin Cara b. Tyson Kidd – Lionsault

Kelly Kelly b. Natalya – Small Package

Sheamus b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Christian interfered

Air Boom b. Great Khali/Jinder Mahal – Trouble in Paradise to Mahal

Randy Orton b. Cody Rhodes – RKO

Impact Wrestling
Date: September 8, 2011
Location: Von Braun Center, Huntsville, Alabama
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s week two in Alabama and it’s also the go home show for No Surrender. That being said, we only have most of the card so far and the world title match has only been announced on Facebook instead of, you know, on the TV show which the majority of the audience actually sees. The big thing tonight is the return of Jeff Hardy on the day that he was sentenced to ten days in jail on drug charges. The return speech could be very interesting. Let’s get to it.

We open with a video about Jeff Hardy and the mess that was Victory Road. He’s back tonight you know.

We also get a clip of last week where Hogan beat Sting up with a chair and cost him the world title. Anderson gets his rematch tonight.

Here’s Anderson to open the show. He talks about how he hasn’t had much to say the last few weeks because he’s been a man of action recently. He signed a deal with the devil though, and that was his own fault. Anderson welcomes the boos for it. The wide shots are really good to see here as there are actual people there instead of it looking like they’re in a lunchbox.

He turns his attention to Bully Ray for keeping him on the outside looking in. Anderson promises to be more annoying than ever before and tonight it starts with him going after Angle. Anderson brings up the dreaded rematch clause and he’s cashing in tonight. He knows it won’t be one on one and he points to the ramp. Here’s Sting to be Anderson’s backup. Sting says he’s like a fungus that won’t go away. This week he’s got the power of the Network and he’ll be the enforcer in the main event.

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero vs. British Invasion

Winners get Mexican America on Sunday. No intro for the Brits. Magnus vs. D-Von to start. Off to Pope quickly who hammers away with elbows to the head. Williams comes in and slows things down a bit as you would expect from him. A clothesline gets two for Magnus. Mexican America are on commentatry. A middle rope elbow by Magnus gets two for Williams.

Pope fires off a DDT to Magnus and both guys are down. There’s the hot tag to D-Von who cleans house with right hands and power moves. Powerslam gets two on Williams. A Cactus Clothesline by Pope puts Williams on the floor and a release spinebuster by D-Von ends Magnus at 3:56. They seem fine despite almost always having problems.

Rating: C-. Just a quick match here but it wasn’t that bad. Didn’t D-Von not particularly like Pope last week though? Also this is the best they can do for #1 contenders? They’ve won a total of one tag match (this one) and now they get a title shot. That’s wrestling for you I suppose.

An MMA fighter comes in to see Angle.

The Final Four in the BFG Series are Gunner, Roode, Storm and Ray. The matches Sunday are Roode vs. Gunner and Storm vs. Ray. The guy with the most points after those matches go to the PPV. It’s not a tournament, it’s really a points system to go to the biggest show of the year.

All four finalists are in the ring and Ray gets JB out of there. He respects Beer Money but neither of them is going to Bound For Glory. Ray talks about how tag teams want to become great individual wrestlers and every team has done it. Gunner is a guy that is willing to put his personal desires aside and will make sure Ray goes to BFG to win the title. Wrestlers are selfish so Beer Money won’t lay down for each other.

Roode says he doesn’t buy any of what Ray said but they have their eyes set on the world title. They want to be world champion and Sunday only one can walk out #1 contender. Roode asks Ray who is going to be the better man. It’s going to be Roode or Storm because it’s not going to be Gunner or Ray. Roode promises the Beer Money fans that no one will ever split them and no one will ever kill Beer Money. There’s a fatal fourway later on.

We get a recap of Eric’s Hollywood Adventures.

TV Title: Robbie E vs. Eric Young

That MMA guy is on commentary again. What he has to do with this is beyond me but who cares. Robbie keeps trying to put his feet on the ropes for covers and the referee stops counting. And there go Eric’s pants and he’s wearing Jersey Shore style trunks. He hits the top rope elbow for two. A piledriver ends this at 2:51. I’m fine with these antics if the title is defended.

Rob Terry beats up Young post match with a Last Ride.

RVD is looking for Jerry Lynn and hey there he is. Rob gets in his face and Jerry asks what about him. He complains about having to get a real job instead of getting contracts like Rob did. Eric and Hulk called him and asked him about showing up and he said he’s better than Rob. He admits to screwing him and Rob beats him down.

Velvet talks to Mickie who has a dog with her. She mentions wanting to be champion someday. Karen comes in and complains about life in general, saying get rid of the dog. Winter gets her rematch at No Surrender.

Jeff Hardy is here.

TNA World Title: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle

Sting is guest enforcer. They exchange headlocks to start and it’s a tossup. Angle takes Anderson down with a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. They collide in the middle of the ring and both guys are down. They’re mirroring each other so far. Anderson tries to speed it up but gets caught in a belly to belly for two. Angle Slam is countered and Anderson hits the rolling fireman’s carry drop for two.

Kurt counters the Mic Check and hits the Rolling Germans for two. There go the straps and the ankle lock goes on. Anderson manages to roll through and get two before the Mic Check gets the same. The referee takes a thumb to the eye so Kurt kicks him low and hits the Slam but Sting pulls the referee out. Anderson hits another Mic Check but here’s Gunner for the DQ at 7:12.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t into this as it felt like they were just going through the motions to get to the DQ ending. I can’t stand matches like that because they’re boring and don’t show anything that these guys are capable of. Not a good match for the most part but when you handcuff them like this there’s only so much they can do.

Immortal beats down both guys post match. The fans chant for Hardy but that gets them nowhere.

Immortal is celebrating while Eric is on the phone and doesn’t look happy. He tells them to go outside and isn’t happy with what he hears. He’s almost freaking out about it, asking if it’s a prank call. No idea what it is.

Mickie James/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Winter

Winter vs. Velvet to start but it’s off to Mickie vs. Angelina before there’s any contact at all. Mickie snaps off a rana out of the corner but a Winter distraction results in a kick to the ribs. Velvet gets a blind tag to come in and a low dropkick gets two. There’s a weak monkey flip and she takes both Winter and Angelina down with a headlock/headscissors combo. Love cheats again and Velvet gets beaten down for awhile. After a long beatdown she makes the hot tag to Mickie and we get the title match preview. With the big hulabaloo going on, Winter sprays blood into Mickie’s face at 5:10 for the pin.

Rating: D+. Love is so skinny it’s getting scary. Other than that, this was your typical Knockout tag: it’s not bad but it’s better than the Divas which is the entire point. I’m still not sure why they gave Mickie the title back already and I hope they don’t give it to Winter again on Sunday because it would be pretty stupid to have the change that fast. This wasn’t terrible though.

Here’s Austin Aries to say he’s going to win the title Sunday. He tells the fans to shut up a lot so clearly he’s not a nice person. Aries calls Kendrick a hypocrite and calls out Kendrick here and now. Here’s the champ in a suit with a briefacse. He talks about being tired of being a social outcast and wants to be a success, like Aries. “I’m even wearing shoes!” And yeah he hates them. He goes into a bit rant about how he needs to be free to reach his mother earth and quotes Buddha a bit. Kendrick calls the title materialistic and Aries insults him a lot. The brawl is on and Aries runs.

Hogan is freaking in a good way and Eric is still upset. He talks about going to the beach and Eric says we’re not done yet. The Network isn’t happy. Because of the beating that Hogan is so happy about there’s a three way for the title at No Surrender with Angle vs. Sting vs. Anderson.

James Storm vs. Robert Roode vs. Gunner vs. Bully Ray

One fall to a finish here. It’s tornado rules too. Here’s Joe almost immediately and here’s Morgan just as fast to stop him. Morgan vs. Joe on Sunday also. Ray and Storm stand tall for a bit until Ray runs Storm over. Beer Money cleans house and teases going at it until Ray breaks that up. Gunner goes for a cover and Ray isn’t happy with it. A big clothesline gets two on Roode.

Storm comes back in with a top rope cross body and beats up Gunner a bit. Roode hammers on Gunner and hits the spinebuster for two. Beer Money teases it again but instead they suplex Gunner and SHOUT THEIR NAMES. Ray runs them both over and takes them both out with power stuff. Gunner hits a running knee to Ray’s head for the pin at 5:00. That was nice as he was left in the background and then stole the pin.

Rating: C. This was ok but it was nothing great. I wish this had been the way the BFG Final went at the PPV because it would make more sense but I guess they need to flesh out the card more and have some overly complicated rules. Not bad here and Gunner winning was a nice surprise also. Nothing great but not bad.

Here’s Jeff with like two minutes left. He talks about how he was messed up last time and he’s sorry about it. He had a problem and hit rock bottom there. Everyone is mad at him and he can’t blame them. His eyes look decent at least. He wants one more shot. The fans chant one more shot. He says all he can do is ask and that’s it.

Overall Rating: B-. Pretty good show this week but you can see a lot of problems. For one thing we got three title matches added with three days left before the PPV, one of which is the main event. That’s a match that could draw in some people and they’re adding it in at the last minute. The Hardy thing is too early to tell but my initial instinct is not to trust him, which is partially the point and all of the problem. Good show this week but No Surrender feels thrown together and that’s not good.

Results

D-Von/D’Angelo Dinero b. British Invasion – Spinebuster to Williams

Eric Young b. Robbie E – Piledriver

Mr. Anderson b. Kurt Angle via DQ when Gunner interfered

Winter/Angelina Love b. Mickie James/Velvet Sky – Winter spit blood in James’ face

Gunner b. James Storm, Robert Roode and Bully Ray – Running knee to Ray

Yes he is.  For ten days.

He also gets a hundred thousand dollar fine and 30 months probation.  All this after over a year in court.

Thoughts on this?

Starrcade 1991
Date: December 29, 1991
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Vigrinia
Attendance: 9,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone

This is the inaugural Battlebowl and I believe the first WCW PPV I distinctly remember. This is literally the only thing on the whole card. There are ten qualifying matches with mixed up tag teams and then the two ring battle royal main event. That being said this is BY FAR the best way they ever accomplished it and a good show based on my memories.

The only thing that matters here is Sting vs. Luger as this is more or less one big buildup show to SuperBrawl where they would go at it for the world title. Starrcade went from being the biggest show of the year to this somehow which is something a lot of people never got. This concept would get bad quickly but at first it was good and it had Sting at the height of his drawing powers as a face so we have that to fall back on. Let’s get to it.

The opening is a basic video explaining what I just said to you.

Eric Bischoff, Missy Hyatt and Magnum TA do the drawings. I won’t mention throwing it to them as there’s nothing to it really.

Michael Hayes/Tracy Smothers vs. Marcus Bagwell/Jimmy Garvin

Hayes and Garvin of course are the Freebirds. Allegedly the matches here were in fact fixed but booked to the point that you couldn’t tell they were. The non-Freebirds start us off with Bagwell being the only face in sight. Or is Smothers the only heel? I can never remember with the Freebirds. These shows are hard to talk about as there are no angles so we kind of have to figure that out as we go.

We go to the crowd where we see wide spaces of empty seats. We hear about Mike Graham teaching Bagwell and how great of a trainer he is. That’s a lie as he’s a terrible trainer but points for trying I guess. No tags yet. Ah there’s one as Garvin comes in. Apparently the Birds are faces here. If nothing else they’re popular here so that’s all that matters. Smothers goes to the floor as this isn’t really going anywhere.

Hayes shaking his head at Smothers is funny stuff though. Bagwell back in and the arm gets worked over. Hayes finally comes in to a solid pop. And there he goes again as Smothers is getting destroyed out there. He’s a US Tag Champion at this point which means nothing but the lack of angles leaves me a lot of empty space to fill. The fans think Tracy sucks.

Yeah the Pistols (Tracy’s team) are heels now which makes more sense. The Freebirds have to go at it for once and of course they don’t do much other than strut and lock up a lot. Oh hey there’s an arm drag! This is all in good fun though rather than being bad. And after a good bit of nothing they’re both out again. Can’t say I blame them though as it wouldn’t have made a ton of sense to beat each other up.

Garvin vs. Smothers now as we speed things up a bit. Cross body by Bagwell gets two and then Hayes accidentally hits Garvin, which says a lot as one of his finishers was a big left hand. While they argue, Smothers misses a top rope splash and Bagwell gets his Fisherman’s Suplex for the pin. The Freebirds are all cool and Bagwell and Garvin are in Battlebowl.

Rating: C-. Not bad here and the matches will be on a bit of an adjusted scale. In other words this wasn’t a great match all things considered but given what they have to work with, as in not their usual partners or in Bagwell’s case a tag match in general, this was pretty good and held my interest for the nearly 13 minutes it got, which was probably too many.

Rick Rude/Steve Austin vs. Big Josh/Van Hammer

Let’s see: Van Hammer was a total lack of talent but became one of the most popular guys in the company. Josh was a woodsman that danced with bears and was at the first Wrestlemania and was the original Doink. Rude is US Champion, Austin is TV Champion. Both are in the Dangerous Alliance and both are awesome. Austin and Hammer start which works as they had a TV Title feud.

Man it’s weird seeing Austin as someone that reminds me of Dolph Ziggler but with a better name. His character was NOTHING like the redneck and he could move out there. You can see the talent too which is weird considering who he’s in there with. Not much going on here but nothing too bad I guess.

Hot tag to Big Josh and his offense lasts all of a minute as Austin and Rude’s combined awesomeness takes him down. We more or less repeat the same stuff from the previous segment as Josh gets beaten down and searches for the tag. Sweet goodness Van Hammer was over. It could be argued that he was second only to Sting in popularity. And so much for that as a blind tag and Rude Awakening end Hammer.

Rating: D+. Total run of the mill stuff here but Austin and Rude make it worth watching. They had the advantage here due to experience together but the creativity of the faces made something like this far better than I expected. Not a great match but it worked. Somehow this was the same length to within a few seconds of the previous match which blows my mind.

El Gigante/Larry Zbyszko vs. Dustin Rhodes/Richard Morton

I smell a comedy match here. Larry, the genius that he is, allows Gigante to do the vast majority of the work here. To be fair that’s a rather smart strategy considering who his partner is. Larry is the coach apparently, barking orders at Gigante throughout the entire match. Rhodes does the vast majority of the work for his team which is odd as Morton is certainly capable of holding his own out there.

Larry comes in and has a good mini match with Dustin. Rhodes, more commonly known as Goldust today, was getting better every day at this point and Larry was a solid veteran that retired very early for a wrestler, hanging up the boots for the most part at around 40. He started doing more independent stuff but that’s certainly common. Larry tags Gigante in and then slaps him, sealing his own fate. Larry tries to run but Gigante throws him back in by his head and into a double dropkick for a growl at the referee and the easy pin. Morton was never legally in.

Rating: C-. Another quick but solid match. Actually no it wasn’t another quick match but rather the first quick match. This had a story to it which tells you what can be done if you rig the matches properly. While there was no direct connection here the idea of a loudmouth and a monster doing their thing was well done. Morton literally not being in there was weird but whatever.

Bill Kazmaier/Jushin Liger vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Mike Graham

Oh where to begin? Kazmaier is at the time the greatest competitor in the history of the World’s Strongest Man from America at this point. The problem is he makes Mark Henry look like Lou Thesz. Liger I’m sure you know of. DDP was still terrible at this point as he had just entered into the wrestling world having been a manager forever. Graham is the son of Eddie Graham, the legendary Florida promoter. He wasn’t horrible but he was more or less just a territorial guy put in a spot he wasn’t ready for.

Graham and Liger start us off which is by far the best possible combination. Liger is young here and completely awesome. Also keep in mind that he’s unlike anything that anyone had ever seen in America before. The roof of the place is rather weird looking to the point that it looks like a spaceship or something. And here’s Kazmaier. This could be painful to put it mildly, but at least Page isn’t here yet.

And I need to learn to stop talking. Page can’t slam him as Bill hasn’t really done anything at all. Kaz can’t do much of anything here so he has to defer to DDP which is a losing situation too. And here’s Liger vs. Page which is going to be a disaster too since Page won’t be able to do anything so Liger has to calm his stuff down. Back to the two talented ones and that lasts all of a second.

Back to Kazmaier, a power guy, that locks on a wristlock. Sure why not. Back over to Page as this is dragging something fierce. We get the eternally awesome Liger Surfboard on Graham as this match needs to end soon. Graham gets out and puts on a pretty bad looking Boston Crab. Very boring match so far. Back to DDP and Kaz which lasts about a second before it’s Liger and Graham part 5.

And so much for that as we’re back to the bad workers. They’re tagging very fast here. Graham goes to the floor and Liger hits a big front flip to take him out. Well at least I think that’s what he did as Ross can only tell us about it since the camera missed it. Second rope moonsault gets two for Liger. Everyone in there now as Kaz press slams Liger onto Page for the pin.

Rating: D+. It was FAR too long and that’s definitely the biggest thing it has going against it here. The other thing is Liger is the best worker in there while Graham was just ok. He however was the best wrestler on his team and the only one that belonged in the ring at all. Page wouldn’t get much better for about four years but he got better in a hurry once he started. This could have been decent if it had cut off about 4-5 minutes.

Lex Luger/Arn Anderson vs. Terrance Taylor/Z-Man

Z-Man is the only face out there. The heel team is rather impressive sounding. Luger is the dominant world champion at this point. Anderson and the face start us off and Taylor seems to not care that he’s a bad guy. Everyone goes in almost immediately and Luger and Arn are sent running. Luger and Zenk (What did you think the Z stood for?) and Luger have a nice fast paced sequence.

Taylor comes in as the faces (more or less) work on Lex’s arm. We hear about Luger trying to put Sting out of action using the gift boxes which was the biggest angle going at the time. In a nice sequence, Taylor goes for a sunset flip but Luger punches him. He has to do this twice more and STILL can’t get rid of Taylor but as he’s going down he tags Arn.

In that sequence you had Taylor, Luger and Anderson all involved in one straight stretch. It’s not something you see that often either and it was rather creative. I liked that more than I should have more than likely but whatever. Race interferes, allowing Anderson to hook a DDT (his finisher) on Zenk for two as Taylor makes the save.

Luger was kicked out of Miami for disciplinary reasons. I’ve never heard that before. Anderson goes for a double axe handle off the middle rope while Z-Man is on his back. It’s one of those stupid spots where the guy jumps into the feet. Never liked that but it’s a wrestling staple I guess. Taylor gets a rollup on Luger for two. Backslide gets two.

Gutwrench powerbomb gets two on Luger to the point where Anderson has to make a save. Taylor is showing off here and it’s working. Wow did I just say that? He calls for the Five Arm (another reason I can’t stand him) but Anderson gets a knee in the back to set up the Attitude Adjustment (Luger’s Piledriver. I guess 19 years is long enough to steal a name) for the pin.

Rating: C+. Definitely the best tag match so far. We had a definite face and heel team out there and it helped a lot. Having Anderson being the expert in tag wrestling that he was and making the save for Luger against the young hot shot that was giving him trouble was a nice story. This was a solid match and it worked very well given the circumstances here.

Ricky Steamboat/Todd Champion vs. Buddy Lee Parker/Cactus Jack

Champion is one half of the Patriots and is more or less an army ranger kind of character. He’s big and handsome and that’s about it. Parker is a weak cop character and more famous as the guy that said Batista had zero future as a wrestler. He’s considered one of the biggest jerks in wrestling history as he accomplished a grand total of nothing in his career but expected insane praise from anyone new in the business.

Almost all of his trainees (including one Bill Goldberg) would probably enjoy this as while he’s leaving the locker room Abdullah the Butcher beats the HECK out of him because Abdullah wanted to be partners with Cactus. Side note: why was there never a Cactus vs. Steamboat feud? How awesome would that have been? The beating in essence makes this a handicap match for Cactus.

Abdullah comes out to be his partner but of course isn’t allowed. Parker stumbles out through the curtain and Abdullah kicks his teeth in again, beating him half to death with the stick he carries with him. The two legends start us off here as Steamboat isn’t sure what to do with the ultra-aggressive Cactus.

Parker, trying to remember what planet he’s on, crawls back up onto the ramp after Abdullah kicked him off to the concrete below. Steamboat skins the cat and sends Cactus to the floor and hits what we would call a suicide dive to take Cactus down. Back in and Ricky throws in a superkick and enziguri to make the tag. To say he was ahead of his time in America is an understatement.

Champion, more or less just a big power guy, locks on a camel clutch. Parker is literally crawling on his stomach towards the ring. He’s selling the beatdown if nothing else. Tony sums it up perfectly (I’m shocked too) by saying that he looks like he’s in the desert reaching for a drink of water. Cactus hits his elbow from the middle rope to the floor which in his book he credits with causing his knees to slowly fall apart over the years.

Parker has made it all the way to the other ring but still has one more to get through. Cactus apparently has no clue this is happening but that was typical of him back in the day. Champion gets a powerslam for two as Parker has made it to the corner! Cactus goes up top but Champion gets a punch to the stomach to block it.

They collide and Parker, who is a jobber mind you, gets the tag. His reward for making it all the way here after a beating like that: A fresh Ricky Steamboat. Dang talk about having a bad day. Naturally a powerslam and the cross body end him in about 6 seconds. Well at least they made it quick.

Rating: C. Pretty good match here considering it was a handicap match more or less. Cactus was getting very good around this point and everyone knew it. They put him together with Sting soon after this and it was totally awesome. Steamboat here was of course good and Champion fit in very well as the power guy against Foley. Nothing great but all things considered this was fine.

Sting/Abdullah the Butcher vs. Bobby Eaton/Brian Pillman

That’s actually a good sounding heel team. Since Sting is on one team they’re the automatic faces of course. Abdullah was one of the guys that Luger sent to try to take Sting out so this is almost 3-1 against Sting. Abdullah with his rather horrible physique of course jumps Sting and beats him with his stick (called a kendo stick so it wasn’t WWE that invented it).

Brian runs down and makes the save for his buddy, beating on him with the same stick. Eaton works on Sting’s bad knee as this is going insanely fast so far. Eaton throws him into the ring and we’re finally going officially. The other two are still brawling on the floor and Sting is in big trouble already. The hero fights back through and Eaton is in trouble as we’re on the ramp.

Eaton is part of the Dangerous Alliance who Sting is feuding with. Sting is just ridiculously popular here. Eaton slaps Pillman which is apparently a tag. Ok apparently it isn’t. Butcher blasts Sting just because he feels like it and Sting is in trouble again. He drops down to the floor and grabs a pencil from Ross’ desk. Tony: I don’t think he’s going to use that pencil in its proper use. You can’t buy announcing like this people.

Naturally the pencil goes towards Sting’s throat. Who would you disqualify there? Pillman makes the save for his friend and Sting is all ticked off. He beats up Eaton on the floor as he’s getting violent out there. Pillman slams Butcher in the ring and hits a big old splash on the fat dude. Brian won’t tag Eaton.

Eaton tries to tag Abdullah who has no issue with wanting to beat up Sting. The announcers talk about how Sting has been in there the whole time which Eaton has as well. Sting counters something into a tombstone which is more or less botched. Pillman and Abdullah come in to fight some more as Cactus come lumbering out. Abdullah holds Sting but Cactus misses and blasts Butcher with the stick. After a dropkick for Jack, a cross body to Eaton ends this.

Rating: C+. Well it was certainly not boring. It wasn’t particularly great but Eaton vs. Sting is always worth checking out. Total one man show out there from Sting which is all the fans wanted. Pillman wasn’t quite a star yet so he was the only person anyone cared about out there. It would play into the ending of the show later on so this was important. Very fast paced and never once boring.

Cactus and Abdullah fight up the ramp for fun.

Vader/Mr. Hughes vs. Rick Steiner/Nightstalker

Nightstalker is Brian Clark, AKA Adam Bomb. It was originally supposed to be Diamond Studd (Scott Hall) but he has an arm injury. Vader is kind of new at this point but would become awesome very shortly. Steiner is the only face here. Vader and Hughes apparently team from time to time. Vader and Steiner start us off.

Everyone here played college football apparently. Wait Rick did? Are you sure about that? Ah never mind he just said college sports. That’s ok then. Steiner jumps from the apron to the floor to nail Vader as this is really just those two having a match while the other two are standing around which is likely the best idea for everyone involved.

Steiner and Vader get into a big power match on the floor so Vader rams him into the post. In an impressive show of strength Rick suplexes Vader back over the top rope and into the ring. Rick won’t tag out because he knows Nightstalker is awful. He tags Rick instead and promptly gets drilled by Vader. Bulldog off the top from Steiner to Hughes but he’s not legal so a splash on Nightstalker ends it.

Rating: D. Bad match here but at the same time look at who was out there. Steiner was all his team had and Vader was just a monster that if you weren’t named Steamboat or Sting you had no business in there with. This was the shortest match on the show at barely over five minutes so there’s that at least. Nothing good here at all but Steiner was trying.

Ad for Superbrawl, an hour and a half into this.

Scott Steiner/Firebreaker Chip vs. Arachnaman/Johnny B. Badd

Arachnaman is Brad Armstrong and Chip is Todd Champion’s partner in the Patriots. Basically Steiner is the only one in this worth anything. Badd means nothing at this point. He and Chip, who is roided like there is no tomorrow, start us off. And I’m bored. It’s not too bad but we’re just waiting for Scott to come in there and destroy everything in sight.

Yep there’s the tag and there goes Johnny. Armstrong (you try spelling the other one over and over) comes in and as usual gets his head handed to him. Steiner is just killing anything in sight with raw power. Down goes Badd again and Chip gets tagged back in. And of course he gets beaten down again. When I say beaten down I mean for a very long time as the heels (I guess?) take turns destroying him.

There are long stretches in here with nothing to say as no one cares about anyone but Steiner and with good reason. We speed things up a bit and Steiner gets a blind tag from Chip. Steiner comes in to a solid pop and just massacres them. Armstrong gets a kick but goes up top, only to get caught in a GORGEOUS belly to belly suplex from Scott to end this. Awesome suplex to end it as it looked devastating.

Rating: D+. Total dominance from Scott as everything here was designed to make him look like a star. If he hadn’t kept getting hurt he really could have been something special. Back in his young days he really was the prototype athlete as he had insane strength and agility for someone his size. Shame he completely lost his mind.

Ron Simmons/Thomas Rich vs. Steve Armstrong/PN News

This is the final tag match which is a good thing as you can tell that the fans are pretty much sick of them at this point. They really needed some singles stuff thrown in here and there to give the people something of a break. Power vs. power to start here with News vs. Simmons. Rich is a former world champion and Armstrong is one of the Young Pistols.

Simmons is on the verge of a huge push where he would win the world title. Simmons dominates for a good while until Rich more or less demands to come in. And then Armstrong beats him up so he begs to get back out. Simmons says no you wanted in so stay in like the jerk he used to be.

News and Armstrong beat up Rich for a LONG time and it gets very boring. The fans want Ron, Rich wants Ron, I want a stiff drink. This concept is fine but it REALLY needs to have shorter matches. We’re about ten minutes into this and there’s just nothing to talk about. Simmons finally gets the hot tag and the fans pop BIG. He slams News (who weighed like 450) and hits a Spinebuster on Armstrong to win it.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever let’s just get to the battle royal so I can stay awake. See the previous match’s rating and substitute Simmons for Steiner.

Battlebowl

Two ring battle royal with the 20 winners from the ten tags that I’m not going to list off. Ok so I am since it takes a good while for the entrances: Vader, Marcus Bagwell, Jimmy Garvin, Dustin Rhodes, Bill Kazmaier, Jushin Liger, Steve Austin, Richard Morton, Todd Champion, Abdullah the Butcher, Firebreaker Chip, Thomas Rich, Ron Simmons, Ricky Steamboat, Mr. Hughes, Scott Steiner, Lex Luger, Rick Rude, Arn Anderson, Sting.

They saved Sting for last and I guess the fans were counting as just after Anderson you can hear them erupt. Sting is just ridiculously popular to the point where it’s hard to tell who the second most popular guy in the company is since it’s such a gap between whoever it is and Sting. Steamboat I suppose. This is on the Essential Starrcade DVD if you want to see it. The DVD is well worth picking up anyway as it’s awesome. Bad documentary though.

The first guy, Vader, misses his cue so the announcer has to stall by saying “The first competitor……in Battlebowl……the very first…….is…….VADER!” Funny. Quick summary of the rules: you start in the first ring and have to be thrown into the second ring (never specified if it has to be over the top) and then from the second ring over the top to the floor to be eliminated. Whoever wins the first ring will meet whoever wins the second ring in an over the top rope challenge for the whole thing.

They all start as Sting hits the ramp. Like the idiot that he is he goes straight for Vader. Anderson vs. Steamboat happens on the ramp. If nothing else the image of Anderson PANICKING when Steamboat is revealed as Dustin’s partner at Clash 17 is great. Kazmaier is put on the ramp over the top and Vader and Hughes, the guys that put him out, look legit confused when he’s allowed back in.

It’s so weird seeing Austin with blonde hair long enough to be in a ponytail. Ok apparently it is over the top to get into ring two. Vader and Steamboat go to the ramp too which is another drool worthy match. I know they had at least one big time TV match because I’ve seen it. Sting and Austin go at it in the corner. Imagine that match in 1998. Sweet goodness that would have drawn millions.

Vader puts Steamboat on the ramp again just because he’s evil. Rhodes and Anderson are brawling on the floor. Liger beats on Abdullah which is one heck of a weird match when you think about it. Thomas Rich goes into ring 2. You just have to go over the rope and can land between the rings as going over both sets would be really hard since there’s a good three foot gap between them.

Sting goes after Luger and the fans ERUPT. Morton throws Bagwell into ring 2 to give Rich something to do. Thankfully they go to a wide shot instead of the very annoying double screen. Dangerously gets on Tony and Jim’s nerves which is really funny. He was such a freaking jerk. Vader won’t go near the other side of the ring which is really smart. Well who’s going to make him I guess.

Chip hits ring 2 also giving us three people there. Liger and Morton go over also as the first ring is thinning out a bit. I love that they don’t even bother showing us that ring as no one cares. Ok now they won’t show ring 1. Well to be fair what happens there doesn’t really matter I guess. Morton and Liger have a solid mini match and then both go out, eliminating them from the match altogether.

Hughes is in ring two now. That gives us 14 people in ring 1 I believe. Rich is out. Steamboat and Anderson have fought around the ring and just kind of go into ring 2 for the fun of it. Garvin and Champion are in ring two now. It’s reaching the point of just needing to know who is left in ring #1. Tony thinks there are ten left in there but counting may be beyond his skill set.

Austin and someone else that may have been Scott Steiner hit ring 2. Garvin is out. Kazmaier and Abdullah go to the second ring. So does Simmons even though he went through the ropes. In ring 1 we have Sting, Rude (who both go to ring 2 as I type their names) leaving Luger and Vader (Rhodes went over as I was typing) in ring 1. Luger beats up Vader and Harley Race looks awesome here since he manages both guys. Or at least he would manage Vader soon.

Chip is out as Luger wins ring 1. You can’t say he wasn’t pushed as a strong champion. Abdullah and Kaz and Champion all go out. Luger gets to chill for awhile as Steiner has the future Steiner Recliner on Hughes. There’s a chance I’ve missed some people as it’s hard to tell as everything is going kind of fast. We do a wide shot and a split screen to annoy me. Granted the split screen are just small windows and are over the ring skirt (the thing that says WWE or TNA and is below the apron).

Rhodes is out and so are Hughes and Simmons. Bagwell is out and so are Vader and someone else I missed. Steiner is out and we have one heck of a tag match left with Steamboat, Sting, Austin and Rude as the final four. Steamboat pairs off with Austin and Sting beats on Rude. Stinger Splash to Austin which just sounds right coming out of JR’s mouth.

Rude is US Champion, Austin is TV Champion and Steamboat is a tag champion here. With four people left is there really a need for small split screens? Rude accidentally hits Austin to out him out. Rude throws Steamboat but he skins the cat and gets a headscissors on Rude to eliminate him. Rude grabs him as he gets back in to eliminate him then slides back in to hit a Rude Awakening on Sting.

The fans go NUTS for the idea of Sting vs. Luger though, making this the perfect ending for Battlebowl. This was the top rivalry at this point and everyone was just waiting for Sting to rise up and take the title off the monster champion. All Luger here as Sting is more or less dead. Both guys are in yellow here which is weird. Luger doesn’t throw him out when he has the chance, showing his incredible intelligence.

Luger throws him to the ramp and Race beats Sting up so Sting has to fight him off too. Sting goes into the guardrail and Sting is more or less nothing right here. Sting blocks a shot to the railing and takes over with the fans getting into things again. Sting puts him back into the ring and is all fired up. He beats the tar out of Luger and has him draped over the ropes.

Race comes in and Sting has to stop him, allowing Luger to rest enough to avoid the Splash and leave Sting hanging over the top rope. And again like an idiot he pulls him back in. Luger throws him over but Sting holds on and just goes OFF, beating the heck out of Luger and finally hitting a big clothesline to put Luger out and then collapses in the ring.

Rating: B. This was rather fun actually. The two ring idea worked very well and the final pairing was perfect. This is what you get when there’s a POINT to a battle royal rather than just having one for the sake of having one. Sting looks awesome and we set up the main event of the next PPV. What more can you ask for?

The announcers say time is running out for Luger to run as Sting is coming for him. He’d get him in about two months.

Overall Rating: C. This was a hard one to grade as this is the definition of a hit or miss show. The concept is a novelty for sure, but this is the only time it ever really worked. The main reason for this has to be Sting and Luger. At the three other versions of this the winners were Great Muta (left for Japan soon after), Vader (already world champion) and DDP (glorified jobber).

Here with Sting winning it you have a story and reason for him now to fight Luger since he’s beaten him in a major competition. That being said, this is more or less a failure as a build for the biggest show of the year as THIS should have been Sting vs. Luger, not Superbrawl. At least we got something entertaining between them before Luger was a jerk at the title match, knowing it was his last match and more or less phoning in the phone call he made to phone the match in. Either way, if you want to see Battlebowl at its best, this is the show to do it. Good show but ODD choice for Starrcade.

NXT
Date: September 6, 2011
Location: Huntington Center, Toledo, Ohio
Commentators: William Regal, Jack Korpela

We’re back after a week off last week and now we can continue doing absolutely nothing with the rookies on the show! Anyway this is I think the 26^th week for this show, nearly combining the first two seasons of it. If nothing else we might get some more updates on the AJ/leprechaun romance and I for one can’t wait for that. Let’s get to it.

Jack Korpela, the guy from WWE 24/7, has taken the departed Grisham’s place.

We get a recap of Striker being interrupted by Young. Young blasted him and yelled at him until Regal made the save.

Here’s Young to open the show. He makes fun of Striker for saying the same thing every week. However he says NXT is over, finished and done. OH YES!!! THERE IS HOPE PEOPLE!!! And of course there isn’t because he says there’s no point to continuing it because he’s already won. He turns his attention to Regal and thanks him for wanting to fight tonight.

Regal grabs a mic and gets into the ring. He believes Young has a future in the WWE but beating people like Striker up isn’t the way to do it and Regal isn’t going to allow it. Young says stop stealing his spotlight. Regal says he doesn’t need it because everyone knows who he is already. He talks about how he’s committed more crimes in and out of this ring than anyone Young knows. Young asks for a match and Regal says if that’s what it takes to get through to Young so be it.

Inside Out trailer kills some time.

AJ/Titus O’Neil vs. Maxine/Derrick Bateman

The guys start us off and some of the camera work is cool here as it’s a lot closer than usual. All Titus the first minute or so in. Powerslam gets one. Off to the chicks and AJ hits a nice spin kick to put Maxine down again. Low dropkick gets two for her. This has been one of the most one sided matches I’ve seen in a long time. Naturally as I say that Maxine gets a two count.

We’re told Horny has coached AJ because he’s learned from DX and Finlay. Seriously, what are we supposed to believe that Horny has taught her? How to throw a spin kick? We’re supposed to buy that? Why am I questioning NXT logic anymore. Off to a chinlock and then an atomic drop. Scratch that and we’re back to the chinlock again. We get a double tag which is pretty pointless since we’ve established that the genders have to match. Titus cleans house and hits a shoulder breaker for two. Clash of the Titus and we’re done at 5:23.

Rating: C. Titus is so far and away better than anyone on this show including most of the pros it’s unreal. There’s no point in even having the competition anymore but I have a feeling they’re going to turn him heel eventually, saying he doesn’t need Horny anymore and they’ll drag the show out for another five months or so to flesh out that storyline and keep us from getting anywhere.

Maxine is yelling at Bateman over their failure. He brings up watching Dirty Dancing last night instead of Roadhouse and then they fight about hair. Maxine says they need to separate Horny from AJ and that’ll be what they need. This sums up the entire season: Bateman: “It’s so hot when you scheme against leprechauns.”

Regal leaves to get ready for the main event. Striker replaces him.

Here’s Tyson Kidd who says that someone has been messing with him lately, flashing Japanese characters on the screen. He says Yoshi needs to come out wherever he is. Kidd is from the Hart Family Dungeon so he’s the best, including better than Tatsu. Another character flashes up (Striker says it means pride) and here’s Yoshi….in a mask. The music is his and he’s announced as Yoshi.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Tyson Kidd

He takes the mask off and has half his face painted white/red with a Japanese character and half is normal skin. Think Roddy Piper at Mania 6. I don’t get it. Was it supposed to be some kind of a surprise that it’s Yoshi? It’s not like there are many other Japanese guys in the company. Kidd takes over to start with pounding but Yoshi drapes him over the top with a release suplex. Tyson is on the floor as we take a break.

Back with Yoshi slingshotting Kidd to the ropes. Kidd tries to skin the cat (who thought of that term anyway? I mean who looked at it and thought of a cat being skinned?) so Kidd kicks him down to the floor again. Kidd takes over and after a beating we’re on to a chinlock in the ring. While in the chinlock Striker calls Regal the best athlete never to hold a major championship. The IC Title is a minor title?

With Tatsu in 619 position Kidd drops a leg from the apron which gets two. Back to the chinlock but Tatsu escapes with a belly to back to put both guys down. Out to the floor again and Kidd runs into a boot to the face to put him down. Tatsu goes up and hits a top rope chop and a shining wizard gets two. Striker asks if we should start calling Tatsu Hokori (it’s the Japanese word for pride so I probably misspelled that) and then says question mark.

Yoshi loads up a big kick but Kidd kicks the knee out to take over again. The springboard elbow drop hits knee, which you would think would hurt the knee a lot worse than it would hurt Kidd’s elbow. Either way Tatsu goes up but Kidd hits a running dropkick to take him down again. Tatsu blocks a super rana and a top rope spinwheel kick ends this at 10:32.

Rating: B-. These two have good chemistry together but the problem here was that Tatsu was the same guy in different color tights and with half of his face painted. He’s always worked hard and never given up, so why is this any different? It was just as good as any of their other matches so if you’ve liked them, you’ll like this one too.

Darren Young vs. William Regal

No entrance for Young. Regal takes over immediately with knees to the head of Young in the corner. Out to the floor and it’s all Regal. The fans seem into him also. Regal goes over to the broadcast table and grabs a headset, yelling at Young to apologize and Young says no way. Young reverses and sends Regal into the corner and he looks to be in a lot of pain.

Young yells at Striker because he’s not a nice person. Regal gets all ticked off but gets caught because the referee gets in the way. Young stomps on Regal’s hands and they go into a submission sequence on the mat which Regal gets kicked in the face for. Back to the mat and Regal takes over with a hard elbow to the face. The referee won’t shut up so Regal turns to him and apologizes, kicking his foot backwards into Young’s chest. That made me smile. Exploder suplex sets up the Regal Stretch and here’s JTG for the run-in but Striker takes him down! Running knee to the head of Young ends this at 6:50

Rating: C. Regal can still go in the ring and knows how to work a crowd and cheat like a master. Young on the other hand is as generic as you can get and is a great example of what’s wrong with the developmental system. The guy is built very well and is passable in the ring, but he has no ability to get the crowd into a match or against him at all. There’s nothing at all that makes him stand out from anyone else on the roster. The difference between someone that worked his way up through the indies and the old school way and the modern system is remarkable.

Overall Rating: C. I’m going to have to start grading this on an NXT scale, meaning for this show it was ok. The stories aren’t that bad but for the most part they have nothing to do with the NXT competition anymore. It was nice to see the rookies back in action though so at least there’s that. They were fighting announcers but at least they were there. Also it’s pretty clear that we’ll have Regal/Striker vs. Young/JTG soon, probably next week. Not bad here, but it’s still just NXT.

Results

Titus O’Neil/AJ b. Maxine/Derrick Bateman – Clash of the Titus to Bateman

Yoshi Tatsu b. Tyson Kidd – Top rope spinwheel kick

William Regal b. Darren Young – Running knee to the head

Monday Night Raw
Date: September 5, 2011
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re two weeks from Night of Champions and we have a lot of the card starting to be filled in. HHH vs. Punk is already happening this early which really surprises me. We also have Cena vs. Del Rio and the champ will actually be back tonight after getting his work visa stuff straightened out. Other than that we know the titles will be on the line but we’re not sure who will be challenging. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long montage of HHH vs. Punk and the Nash factor too. When I say long I mean like three or four minutes.

Here’s the Cult of Personality to open things up. He talks about how he’s different and doesn’t have a filter from his brain to his mouth. That also makes him a target and tonight he’s against R-Truth. He’d rather be facing Kevin Nash because he’s the status quo. He doesn’t buy that Nash and HHH are arguing, so right now he’s offering Nash an open forum to come and face him like a man.

Here’s Nash who talks about how he’s not apologizing for what he did last week. Punk runs down all of Nash’s nicknames (SUPER SHREDDER!!!!!) and Nash isn’t thrilled. He says Punk should be thankful for HHH pulling him out of the match because he’d kill Punk. Punk says Nash hasn’t been relevant since 1994 and that brings Nash closer to the ring.

HHH comes out and Nash says HHH needs to get rid of Punk who is a cancer. I hate that word being used in wrestling, I really do. HHH says he found some stuff out this week. The Staples Center (the place Summerslam was held) found some security footage which shows who sent the text from HHH’s phone. The person that sent the text to Nash from HHH’s phone was…..Nash.

Nash says that’s true and he did it so he could make the WWE cool again. One of them (Nash or Punk) has to go. HHH says Punk hasn’t lied to him once and Nash has done nothing but lie since he came back. HHH says he doesn’t want to do this and Nash freaks out. He gets in HHH’s face and HHH blasts him and then fires him before leaving. Punk talks some trash and we take a break.

Nash is trying to leave and Johnny Ace gets in his car after looking around first.

Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston vs. Jinder Mahal/Great Khali

They’re officially Air Boom. Justin Roberts told me so. This is non-title. Mahal vs. Bourne to start us off and Bourne tries to speed things up but gets caught in the face by a jumping knee. Lawler has to fight either Otunga or McGillicutty later tonight. Khali comes in and beats up Bourne for a bit and it’s back to Jinder. Bourne gets in a shot and there’s the hot tag to Kofi. He beats up Mahal but is sent to the floor by Khali. Khali sends Kofi back in but misses a chop, hitting Mahal instead. That sets up the Shooting Star for the pin at 3:15.

Rating: C. This match made perfect sense. The champions couldn’t hang against the two bigger guys physically so they used teamwork to escape with the win. I liked this and it’s cool to see a team thrown together actually working as a unit and having some chemistry. You can get good teams out of that and it’s working here.

Kelly is on commentary for the next match.

Beth Phoenix vs. Eve Torres

Winner gets Kelly at the PPV. No chance for Natalya? And why not exactly? Beth has the skirt/shorts look back. Nattie sits in on commentary also, giving us five total people out there. Eve tries what looked to be a monkey flip but slips. Beth uses power and sends her shoulder first into the post. Natalya and Kelly are arguing over what Divas should be like the whole match. Eve misses a kick out of the corner and gets caught in the Glam Slam for the pin at 2:03. This was really, REALLY sloppy looking.

Nattie decks Kelly post match.

Drew McIntyre is talking to Christian who wants ONE MORE shot. Drew says he deserves one shot at….something but he’s cut off by Alberto. Del Rio talks about how he expected Christian to be champion here. The reason he doesn’t is John Cena. Christian cuts him off and says this is the part where Del Rio wants him to fight Del Rio’s battles for him right? Del Rio points out that Cena gave him an AA last week and the next night Christian had the cage match. He leaves the Canadian with that thought.

Inside Out trailer because we need to be reminded about it in case we happen to live in one of the 10 cities it’s showing in.

Truth vs. Punk next.

R-Truth vs. CM Punk

The Truth has now set him free instead of shall set him free. Miz is nowhere to be seen even though he was coming to the ring with Truth before the break. He wants to know why Punk is different because he was telling the truth the whole time before Punk was. Maybe he should buy a ticket to Night of Champions so he can stuff his face with popcorn.

This brings out Miz who says there’s a conspiracy and that HHH is in way over his head. Miz is going to do HHH’s job for him: at the PPV they’re getting the tag title match. They make fun of the name Air Boom and it isn’t funny. Punk is about to get got. Miz has a satellite radio show now. Punk controls early with a headlock and Jerry has to get us back onto the match while Cole starts ranting against Ross a bit.

Punk hits a suicide dive to take Truth out but Miz moves to avoid it. While still on the floor Miz gets a shot in to Punk’s knee and Truth takes over. This show and this match in particular are just dragging. I know they were in Europe this past week (the SD guys were) but this has been very lackluster. Truth throws on a half crab while the announcers spend the entire match talking about HHH and how he’s failing running the company. Truth goes up very slowly and Punk pops him in the head.

Punk goes up for a superplex and is at least selling the knee. He goes all the way up too and the superplex puts both guys down. Punk gets a hobbling knee in the corner and the bulldog to follow. The springboard clothesline hits and Punk is rapidly getting louder and louder face pops. The knee gives out on the GTS and Truth hits the sitout gordbuster for two. Punk takes out Miz and there goes the plaid! Miz gets ejected but Punk gets hit in the back while watching it. Not that it matters because the GTS ends Truth clean at 9:45.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t into this one. Punk’s selling was good but at the same time the parts where Truth was in control were really boring. Punk’s face pops are interesting as the fans are getting more and more into his offense. It wasn’t horrible but Truth is really boring to me in the ring anymore.

HHH comes out post match and Punk says he still doesn’t believe Nash and HHH aren’t in on it together still. HHH calls Punk Obama since he wants change. The match at NOC is now no DQ and afterwards Punk might get fired. Punk says that’s cool but he wants one more thing: if HHH loses, he resigns as COO. HHH says done and leaves.

Some guy I don’t recognize (apparently Curt Hawkins) is talking to Tyler Reks and Wade Barrett. Del Rio interrupts and gives the same kind of speech to Barrett that he gave to Christian. Yes pick the guy that lost to Cena in three minutes last week.

The WWE Network is coming in 2012.

We get a quick recap of last week with Lawler insulting McGillicutty and Otunga and them getting in his face.

There’s a tag team match this week and Lawler has a mystery partner: Zack Ryder. We get a video of Ryder, complete with a big montage of his show and Cena appearing on it. I guess this is his official face turn.

Jerry Lawler/Zack Ryder vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty

Ryder gets beaten down for the early part of the match while Cole makes fun of his Youtube show. After about a minute it’s a hot tag to Lawler and he cleans house with punches and a dropkick. The middle rope punch hits and Ryder wants in. He hits the Rough Ryder on Otunga and we’re done in 2:00. This was fine.

Del Rio tries to get Ziggler to do his thing. The Bellas come up and hit on him. He says hang on a sec and keeps going on Ziggler, implying Vickie is cheating on him….kind of.

Randy Orton vs. Heath Slater

Slater is sent into the post about 5 seconds into this and Orton hammers him down. Orton stomps away and hits the knee drop. Slater pokes him in the eye and gets an enziguri for two. Spinebuster gets two. Orton fakes Slater out and takes over again. There’s the powerslam and the elevated DDT. RKO and we’re done at 2:57. Just a quick match that wasn’t quite a squash.

Ryder is talking to Cena and is filming his show at the same time. He puts sunglasses on Cena and Cena asks who wears sunglasses indoors. Cena is up next.

Here’s Cena who says Happy Labor Day. This is just for talking and I don’t think there’s a main event match set up yet. Cena wants to get his hands on Alberto but the champ keeps ducking him. We get a Tattoo from Fantasy Island reference which makes sense when you think about Ricardo being about two feet shorter. Here’s Alberto in a car which Cena thinks he doesn’t know the name of.

Del Rio talks about how he’s trying to protect Cena. However, he can’t say that about these guys, and here are Barrett and Swagger. Ziggler joins in also and here’s Christian to make it 4-1. Alex Riley and Sheamus come out as does Morrison, running along the railing as he comes. I think I smell an 8 man tag. Teddy comes out and says he has some authority when necessary around here. You know the drill here but in a little twist, this is under elimination rules ala Survivor Series. That helps a bit. The bell is after a break.

John Cena/Sheamus/Alex Riley/John Morrison vs. Dolph Ziggler/Christian/Wade Barrett/Jack Swagger

Survivor Series rules remember. The match is in progress as we come back with Barrett vs. Riley and no eliminations so far. Barrett hits a Boss Man Slam for two. We came back at 10:53 so this is going to go fast probably. Riley manages to send Barrett into the corner and it’s off to Morrison and Ziggler. Morrison takes down the entire heel team and avoids a rollup. Christian comes in and gets kicked in the head. Morrison’s partners have no issue with letting him get beaten down 4-1.

Swagger tags in and we get a double submission attempt. With ZERO help from his partners, Morrison has to tap out. Here’s Vickie with Swagger looking at her. We take after less than three minutes. Back with Ziggler hammering away on Riley with no extra eliminations during the break. Riley fights back and hits that sweet spinebuster of his. And never mind as he walks into a Fameasser for two.

Swagger tags himself in again and gets in an argument with Ziggler. Riley rolls through the ankle lock but gets caught by a Vader Bomb and is put right back into it for Swagger’s second submission of the match, making it 4-2. Sheamus is in now and gets his head kicked off by Barrett.

That only gets two and Sheamus wakes up to pound away on Barrett like the true brawler he is. Top rope shoulder block hits and Sheamus pops Ziggler to break up interference. Brogue Kick misses but the pumphandle slam is broken up. Brogue Kick ends Barrett and here’s Christian. It’s Cena/Sheamus vs. Swagger/Christian/Ziggler at this point. Killswitch is countered and Christian is sent to the apron where he slaps Sheamus.

Old pasty chases him around the ring and knocks down Ziggler in the process. They go into the crowd for a chase scene and then up the ramp for the double countout, putting us at 2-1. Gee I wonder how this is going to end. He gets Swagger first and team heel takes over. Vickie is all smiley as Swagger beats on Cena. Cena fires back and goes into his finishing sequence.

Cena hits a double Five Knuckle Shuffle to them but walks into a side slam kind of move from Swagger. Vader Bomb hits and now Ziggler tags himself in with some nice psychology there. He walks into the AA though and it’s one on one. Swagger grabs the ankle lock but Cena rolls through into the STF for the tap at 17:42.

Rating: C. Eh not bad here but so what? This doesn’t advance Cena vs. Del Rio or anything which is something that we’re desperately needing at this point. I’m really getting tired of these pretty pointless tag team main events though as they’re not getting us anywhere, especially when it comes to the world title match.

Del Rio runs in, takes an AA and is right back out again. Cena poses to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I wasn’t feeling this one at all. It felt like a throwaway show and that’s not good this close to NOC. Alberto vs. Cena feels like it has zero attention to it while HHH vs. Punk is being pushed to the moon to try to stop the feeling that it’s being used way too early. The problem with NOC is there really are no stories needed for most of these matches and it’s showing here as there’s no reason to have a lot of the matches and a lot of people will be left off the show. Bad Raw tonight and I wasn’t impressed at all for the most part.

Results

Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston b. Jinder Mahal/Great Khali – Shooting Star Press to Mahal

Beth Phoenix b. Eve Torres – Glam Slam

CM Punk b. R-Truth – GTS

Jerry Lawler/Zack Ryder b. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty – Rough Ryder to Otunga

Randy Orton b. Heath Slater – RKO

John Cena/Alex Riley/Sheamus/John Morrison b. Christian/Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/Wade Barrett – Cena last eliminated Swagger with the STF to win

Simple question: what is your favorite wrestling theme song?For me it’s Real American.  The song immediately tells you almost everything  you need to know about Hogan.  We get the American aspect and that he’ll never quit.  With today’s rock music for almost everyone, it’s hard to explain anything about them and it takes a lot away from them.

Your picks?

Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling
Date: May 12, 1982
Location: Techwood Studios, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Bob Caudle, David Crockett

So this is Mid-Atlantic and this is the only show I’m doing of it. This would be the grandfather of WCW in a long story that I don’t want to get into again. Anyway this is pre-Starrcade so it’s a pure territory show. Let’s get to it.

The opening theme is mainly a map of the territory and bad music.

Caudle and Crockett open the show, talking about a tag team title tournament. The finalists are Ole Anderson/Stan Hansen vs. Don Muraco/Wahoo McDaniel which is going to be a best of seven series.

Sandy Scott, a former Stampede heel referee, is now a representative of the NWA. Jack Brisco is here having just beaten Rodney (yes Rodney) Piper for the Mid-Atlantic Title. He says he was here to win titles but Piper comes up with a trashcan. Brisco is garbage and a trashcan Indian. Brisco pulls out a sucker and puts it in Piper’s pocket. A jobber is there and Piper beats him up for fun.

Since the interview area is mere feet from the ring, Horner (the jobber) and Piper get in there along with Ivan Koloff. Brisco comes out to even the odds. Muraco is here and it’s a wild brawl as we go to a break. Scott, the NWA representative says that for the next 30 days there will be NO Disqualifications. Also if they go to a time limit there will be a two minute rest and then a battle to the finish. Muraco calls out Koloff, having more energy than I’ve ever heard from him.

Ron Richie vs. Jim Dalton

No clue who either of these people are but one looks familiar. There’s a very tiny crowd here which is weird to see. It’s weird hearing the crowd this silent but there can’t be more than 100 people there, which is capacity. We’re talking about the opening segment so I have no idea what the point of this match is. Come to think of it I have no idea who is who.

THERE WE GO! Dalton is in blue. That helps a lot and I think he’s the heel. There are a lot of nerve/rest holds in this one. Decent dropkick from Richie to give him a break. They speed things up a bit and a powerslam out of nowhere gets the pin for Richie. That was really, really bad.

Rating: D-. From a technical standpoint it’s ok but at the same time there was just nothing worth paying attention to at all here. The commentators were at the level of Tony Schiavone with talking about stuff not related to the match. I still have no idea why this match happened or who I was supposed to like.

Sgt. Slaughter, the US Champion, says he’s still the champion. He wants Wahoo and Muraco in these matches with No DQ. I think he’s heel here but I’m really not sure.

Killer Khan vs. Vinnie Valentino

Khan was an old school monster that feuded with Hogan and Andre in WWF. Valentino is a jobber. You do the math. Arm bar goes on for awhile, Valentino gets some jobber offense in, Khan massacres him, big knee drop ends it. No rating.

Kelly Kiniski (likely playing a relative of Gene) and Mike Davis (no clue) are here. Kelly has a Canada jacket on so yeah I think I’m right. He mentions his dad and says he’s Canada’s greatest athlete so yep I was right. He’s ready for King Kong Mosca. Davis runs down Piper a bit also, saying Brisco is going to kill him.

King Parsons vs. Tony Russo

Earl Hebner is referee here and looks just like he does now, 29 years later. Parsons would become a much bigger deal in WCCW. Russo is a fat man but he’s short. Think Kevin Sullivan but with a bigger gut and black hair. Full nelson by Parsons gets him nowhere. Hip toss out of the corner sets up a dropkick as this is likely going to be another squash. Parsons throws some off punches and here comes Russo. This is one of the sloppiest matches I’ve ever seen. Parsons gets a monkey flip and some other basic moves before a headbutt ends it.

Rating: F. This was awful as both guys looked terrible and none of their shots were hitting at all. Parsons looked lost out there and Russo didn’t help anything. Terrible match indeed.

King Kong Mosca, a monster, says he loves the No DQ rule.

In the same shot Piper comes up and goes off on Brisco saying he’s got a counter to the Figure Four. This is another classic Piper rant and we get the “you don’t throw rocks at a guy with a machine gun” line, which is far more famous when he said it in WWF.

Ole Anderson comes up after Piper leaves and says he and his partner are winning the tag title series.

King Kong Mosca vs. Kelly Kiniski

Paul Jones comes out early in the match and joins commentary. Kiniski works on the arm of the monster. We spend very little time talking about the match itself as Jones is talking about the new rules as well. Mosca gets a knee to the ribs and controls with a front facelock. Kiniski fights back but misses a dropkick to put himself right back down again.

Mosca yells at Jones after drilling Kiniski. This is more or less about Jones rather than the match at hand. We hit the chinlock now and this is going on a good bit too long now. Kinishi gets a slam out of nowhere for two. This is going on way too long here and it’s boring now. Kiniski goes into the corner but the referee breaks it up. A big forearm of all things ends it for Mosca.

Rating: D-. This was one of the weakest matches I’ve seen in a long time. It ran about seven minutes when it should have been about two. There was nothing special at all about this as Mosca was lumbering all over the place. Cut this in half and make it a squash and it works ok at best.

Jim Dalton and Steve Syberg (I think that’s his name) like the new rules. You think that’s a theme or something tonight?

Private Nelson/Private Kernoodle vs. Johnny Weaver/Jake Roberts

The former here are known as Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates. I can’t make this stuff up people. Kernoodle would be a tag partner of Sarge while Nelson would eventually embrace his Soviet roots and become Boris Zhukov. Roberts you know and Weaver is credited with inventing the sleeper. I think the military dudes are heels here but they’re kind of inept.

Weaver vs. Kernoodle at the moment with Weaver destroying him seemingly with ease. Atomic drop gets two. Nelson comes in and goes after Weaver’s arm. Back to Kernoodle now as the beating is on. The referee rubs Nelson’s head for no apparent reason. Yes the one on top of his neck you sick freaks.

Hey let’s talk about the no DQ and Piper some more! We haven’t done that in 19 seconds so we need to do it now! Back to the arm now and it’s all Privates here. After about four minutes of arm work we get the hot tag off to Jake who cleans house. DDT, called a Brainbuster here, gets two on Nelson. The running knee sends him out to the floor and we’re almost out of time. And yep there’s the bell as we’re out of time. This will continue next week apparently.

Rating: C. Match was ok at best but they had more of a formula and they set it up a bit better. The Privates were ok as a weak heel team and we got a decent match out of it. Roberts as this young was kind of interesting to see even though he wasn’t in there much at all. This was to play up the must be a winner thing that was part of the rule change.

Weaver and Roberts say they’ll be back next week with no time limit to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This was a pretty weak show by modern standards but overall it wasn’t too bad. They definitely had a theme going here and the Piper vs. Brisco feud is actually kind of interesting. They would trade the title a few more times over the summer before Piper turned face. Anyway this was an ok show but nothing great. Kind of fun from a history standpoint though.

Living Dangerously 1999
Date: March 21, 1999
Location: Asbury Park Convention Center, Asbury Park, New Jersey
Attendance: 3,900
Commentator: Joey Styles

So Taz is world champion. Yep that’s about all there is to it at this point. Other than that there isn’t a ton going on here. Shane is on his way out and the company is in trouble. They wouldn’t be on national TV for another few months and this is really a dry spell for them.

The problem was no one bought Taz as champion after the “big” win for reasons I’ve already given. Other than that, the main thing here is RVD vs. Lynn starts up. Now I have only seen one of their matches in their seemingly never ending series, so let’s get to this. Yep the card looks like crap. I’m stunned.

Some guy asks Taz what it’s going to be like when there’s the unification match tonight. It’s the FTW Title vs. the ECW Title. Good to know. He calls out Austin and Flair, the other world champions and a bunch of other guys. Give me a break Taz. Fits the character though.

Joey welcomes us to the show. Having the logo on the mat helps a lot. We hype up the main event because we haven’t had Sabu vs. Taz in awhile. Ok then.

Play the theme song monkeys!

Super Crazy vs. Yoshihiro Tajiri

It’s a rematch from the last PPV, which is a good idea as it came from out of nowhere and was awesome. Tajiri’s hair looks more like it would later on so that’s a bit more like it. Apparently there have been other matches and this is the blowoff to it. Now this is a match where I wonder something: how do they call spots? Not trying to sound rude or anything but do they speak the same languages?

We start with a lot of nice looking spots which don’t accomplish anything but they got the crowd impressed so that’s a perk. Big old standing ovation for that and I can’t blame them. Love that handspring elbow. Naturally this is more of a spotfest than a match but that’s all fine and good. If these are on the show, this is where they belong without question. Crazy hits the triple moonsaults which are kind of cool I think.

Wow Crazy is better than I remember him being. This has been all him at this point in case you were wondering and there goes his head from a kick so there we are. I could watch Tajiri kick people all day. Crazy misses a springboard and the crowd seems to think he screwed up. Crazy goes completely away from the match idea and hits a low blow. They set up a second Batista Bomb but they botch the heck out of it so I think Tajiri countered it. After another counter, Crazy gets the pin on a rollup.

Rating: B. Not bad, but way behind their other match. This was certainly entertaining, but at the same time it was miles behind what they did last month. Far more of a spotfest than anything else but at the same time that’s what an opener should do: it got the crowd into it so this was a success.

Van Dam, Sabu and Van Dam say they’ll beat Taz. Van Dam should be world champion, period. You can see the masking tape over the Taz name plate on the FTW belt. That’s awesome.

We see some highlights of the previous match but it’s interrupted by some guy that looks like Sean Waltman from the mid 90s yelling. HOLY CRAP THAT’S STEVE CORINO????? He looks NOTHING like he does now. I mean NOTHING. I honestly didn’t recognize him and that hardly ever happens. He yells out an open challenge and the fans want Sid. We get Balls and Axl instead.

Balls Mahoney vs. Steve Corino

I really can’t get over how different he looks. I’m in awe. Hearing Corino called young is rather amusing. This is all Balls to start. Steve is the heel here. How many times did Rotten actually wrestle? All I remember him doing is screaming and yelling a lot. Mahoney hits a decent frog splash if nothing else.

The fans want to see a chair shot. I’m amazed at how Corino is more or less a jobber here. He always had a sweet superkick. He refuses to use the chair and gets booed. Amazing isn’t it? My mouth is hanging open from that chair shot. He might get up by 2001. Balls wins with ease. Fans were way into it at least.

Rating: D. Seriously, Mahoney just beat Corino. Even as a jobber, that’s not right ever. This was like 4 minutes long so how good can they make it? Steve was a total jobber if nothing else anyway. Total filler of 7 minutes counting intros here.

We recap the Dudleys vs. the Gangstas which wound up with Mustapha turning on New Jack to set up their match tonight.

Little Guido vs. Antifaz del Norte

No one knows who the other guy is. Big Sal is the only one with Guido tonight. There’s a really long stall to start. I’m sure there’s an epic story behind this and it’s not just a randomly thrown together match at all. His name means Mask of the North or North Mask in case you were curious for no apparent reason. The fans are shall we say restless although the Mask guy isn’t bad. The fans want Tracy Smothers.

We get a big chop battle that leads nowhere. Russian legsweep from the middle rope and you can make your own ethnical jokes. The fans chant boring and I mean they chant it LOUDLY. Sal likes to curse a lot. He ENDS the masked guy with a powerslam through the table at ringside. A Sicilian (Walls of Jericho) Crab ends it and we get the bad FBI music. Smothers and Rich come out and beat up Guido until Sal chases them off.

Rating: D-. And that’s all on the masked guy. I have no idea who he was and I have no idea where he went after this. He was pretty good though which makes up a bit for Guido being completely uninteresting. Why was this on PPV again?

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

Ok let’s see if this lives up to the hype still. Van Dam gets an epic pop. Still gets nowhere near the main event or the world title. I’m stunned. Oh and he and Sabu are the tag champions again. Paul, take a good look at RVD. He’s the reason you’re out of business. The fact that you simply never made him the main guy killed your company.

Well among other things but that could have gotten you a lot of cash at the end. Lynn is a guy that the more I see the more I like. Apparently Van Dam is supposed to win in a walk. ECW needs to stop the close-ups. They do a swank sequence of can you top this which is working for me. Lynn took his freaking head off with a clothesline there. Van Dam likes to stall. A lot.

In a funny spot Lynn drops a leg on the back of his neck when he does that split move. Perfect timing on it too so it looked great. Lynn shows off his leaping too and hits a spinning crossbody to the floor. The psychology here is that Lynn is doing basic stuff to counter Van Dam’s high stuff. Apparently one of the fans loves a girl named Melissa.

We’re in the crowd now with a bunch of jumps and flips from Van Dam. Entertaining if nothing else. Van Dam tells D-Von Alfonso to get the table. Oh wait it’s a chair. That’s better. I will never be able to avoid cringing at the surfboard. That’s just insane. Not big on the chair stuff here but with Van Dam they never booked him right anyway so it works.

SWEET counter as Lynn hits a counter to something into a springboard into a powerbomb onto a chair. Better than it sounds. Van Dam takes a reverse DDT onto the chair for two. The chair is laying on the mat for the most part which is annoying but bearable I guess. Apparently Lynn is the new F’ING show. Fonzie makes the save for Van Dam as Lynn was up top with the chair.

And Lynn goes off the top and through a table against his own wishes. Lynn has been down a LONG time. Jerry stops the attack with a chair to stop the split legged moonsault. I love pinfall reversal sequences and apparently the crowd does too. The speed here is great. Van Dam takes a tornado DDT from the apron onto the table. Note that it wasn’t through it. That was scary looking.

Hey we’re back in the ring again. Lynn hits a nice jumping DDT for two…and we get a bell? The referee tries to hand him the belt as he’s making a decision. Uh, WHAT? Lynn wants five more minutes. And for once that’s what we’re going to get. That decision has boggled my mind. See my mind? It’s boggled now.

Who in the world would do that? RVD hits the Van Daminator and the Five Star to take over from nowhere and get the pin. There might have been two more minutes after Overtime started, making me wonder WHAT THE FREAKING POINT TO IT WAS. They shake hands after the match which is always cool.

Rating: B. I said to X in the Board Room that I didn’t know if this was good or not but it was certainly entertaining and I think that holds up actually. It’s certainly entertaining, but the referee making the decision thing was just WEIRD. I mean have you ever heard of that before? Still though, this was full of sweet spots and while there was little flow to it, the oh crap factor makes up for that so I’ll take it.

Ah apparently the main event WILL NOT have a pre determined winner. Got it.

We kind of recap Taz vs. Sabu. Why is that so hard for them to get right?

Jasmine St. Claire, an adult actress, says she’s the new queen of wrestling. Cue Francine. This was earlier in the night. And the point of this was…?

Mustapha Saed vs. New Jack

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed. Mustapha paid off the Dudleys to beat some guys up, including new Jack. Can someone shoot that stupid song? I beg of you. Oh dear. It’s a bunch of weapons shots. The main ones are a keyboard and a plastic lawnmower a 2 year old would like. New Jack swings a guitar that breaks before it hits Mustapha.

Oh dear. We hit the crowd and you can feel the balcony dive coming. Mustapha is taped to the table and there goes New Jack. Yep there he goes. Nope it doesn’t mean much as he does it every time. And after being walked back to the ring that’s enough for the pin.

Rating: N/A. Dude, New Jack, you can’t wrestle. Let it go. This wasn’t wrestling so I can’t grade it.

And here are the Dudleys. They beat up New Jack until a bunch of guys come out to save him. Joel does his intro and it’s pretty weak. Bubba starts talking, still as a country hick. They don’t have a match or anything as they’re just here talking. It’s open challenge time.

Spike Dudley/Nova vs. Dudley Boys

And of course within a minute we have Spike thrown into the crowd and he’s surfed around. His leg hit the rail on the fall though so the sound was really bad. Nova looks like Hurricane in blue and black here. He gets a Bubba Bomb from the middle rope and 3D. Ok let’s move on. Ring announcer gets 3D. DANG Spike has been surfed around for a long time.

Bubba talks again and says there’s no one left. Something tells me that a certain monster named Sid will be here soon as he was featured in the opening video and he happens to be an unstoppable monster. Bubba offers to fight the crowd. Judge Jeff Jones comes down with a stretcher and yep there’s Sid. Sid blowing bubbles while Bubba yells at him is funny. SID SELLS SOMETHING! I’m in SHOCK.

Fans are WAY into Sid who hits a double chokeslam. Sid destroys them and…here’s Spike again. Sid beats up D-Von on the ramp and Spike hits the Acid Drop…for the pin. Sure. Why not? Spike gets powerbombed too. Sid would be gone in a few months for WCW. And there’s another powerbomb through a table conveniently placed on the floor.

Rating: D-. The fans popped HUGE for Sid but other than that this was just a total mess. The idea that the match was still going on all that time is nothing short of idiotic and it shows very well why Heyman’s booking was so crazy at times. This should have been Sid comes out and beats people up. Spike and Nova simply weren’t needed.

We recap Shane leaving ECW which hasn’t actually happened yet but should have happened about 6 months before this. The fans of course don’t want the biggest heel in company history to go. The Impact Players argue over who gets to be the next Franchise. Shane says Dreamer gets to carry on the legacy of Shane. There are too many jokes there than I have time to type. The Impact Players beat up Shane and Francine to a ballad for some reason and Dreamer is beaten up too.

Tommy Dreamer/Shane Douglas vs. Impact Players

This is more or less Shane’s final big deal in ECW. Dawn Marie is pretending to be Beaulah at this point for no apparent reason. Oh Storm is Dreamer and Justin is Douglas. I get it now. Francine’s looks were WAY underrated. Shane of course went from being the top heel for like ever to being loved because he wanted to retire which is a wrestling tradition. Of course he was in WCW in like 2 months.

Shane in long tights is just weird looking. This new ring announcer kind of sucks. Dawn Marie dressed like Beulah: WIN. Great heat on Storm here. And we’ve already got double teaming. Something tells me this is going to get insane soon. Justin won’t come in to fight Shane. Ok never mind yes he will. Shane hits a nice rolling suplex set. Always loved that kind of thing. Dreamer hooks the absolute worst abdominal stretch I have ever seen. I mean it looks AWFUL.

The heels are dominating as Dawn apparently has herpes. Justin isn’t that good, period. Storm does one of the worst spot calls this side of Shawn Michaels. We get a TOTALLY random Ric Flair sucks chant. Credible screams for mercy which is rather amusing. This isn’t quite a fully fledged disaster but it’s reaching the outer limits of Disasteria.

This is more or less heel dominance for the most part, which tells me that the faces will get the win in the end. It’s weird but whenever the faces take over the crowd dies a bit, even though they’re all over the heels. Most odd indeed. They’re setting up for the big hot tag to Shane by having Dreamer get the heck beaten out of him.

Shane comes in and offers to reform the Triple Threat and then screws over the Players by hitting a double clothesline. Ok that was pointless but whatever. Dawn hits a low blow on Shane while Jazz distracts the referee. You know, because the referee wouldn’t hear the screaming she was doing. Cat fight ensues of course. This is still pure heel domination.

And here’s Francine with a ladder. Sure why not? Dreamer hits the DDT on Justin into Lance’s balls. Justin kicks out of the belly to belly. Oh I’m so shocked. Maybe he managed to do that because IT’S JUST A FREAKING SUPLEX! Francine stops a cane shot and kicks Justin in the head to set up the Pittsburgh Plunge for the pin.

Replay shows Justin looking over his shoulder to make sure she was there for the spot. Post match Cyrus comes out and causes the Impact Players to beat up the faces. He saves Francine though.

Rating: C-. Not bad but whatever I guess. This was all about Shane getting one last thing and he did so good for them. Yeah the match sucked but it had great heat and it got the job done so I’ll give it credit.

We look at the TV Title match again as we’re rapidly running out of time. The referee says this isn’t Holyfield-Lewis fight and there will be a clean winner. He’s referring to Evander Holyfield vs. Lennox Lewis. They had a long fight and Lewis more or less dominated but the fight was declared a draw. Apparently the referee was ready to give Lynn the belt because he was the clear winner.

Even the interviewer more or less says that’s freaking stupid. Van Dam walks in and says there will be a rematch at the next PPV. Sure why not. So Lynn had the title won and was told he had the title but wanted five more minutes and got pinned clean. Sure why not?

ECW World Title/FTW Title: Sabu vs. Taz

This is title for title for no apparent reason. We see a clip of how Taz broke Sabu’s jaw. Apparently that same clothesline tore tendons in Taz’s arm. That’s quite an arm strike. Taz gets a nice pop. Why do they keep saying that this was the main event of Barely Legal? It wasn’t as far as I remember. Also, from ECW, I still have never heard WHY THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

Would that be so hard to freaking tell me? Yes I know why from other research, but you would think they could TELL ME THAT OR SOMETHING. It’s so strange thinking that Taz is such an imbecile on commentary now. Taz talks before the match again and says we should make it falls count anywhere and then says his catchphrase because we have to have that right.

We hear Sabu talk which is something you rarely hear if ever. I think other than on DVDs I’ve heard it once? They actually start with a wrestling sequence if you can believe that. We hit about our 20th F Bomb tonight. Sure why not. Sick boot to the head of Sabu. Here’s your required brawling for the main event as we hit the crowd. The beauty of crowd brawling for them at least is they get to go out and do very little at all but still make it look like they’re doing a lot.

Ok not really but you would think otherwise. We’re on the ramp now and that gets us nowhere. This is just spot after spot with little flow or thought to them at all. Hey we’re in the ring! What do you know about that? It’s table time of course and Sabu goes through it. Taz calls out Hogan and Flair. That’s just amusing. This is ALL Taz.

Fonzie tries to throw in the towel but Sabu says no. This is just Sabu getting beaten up, so therefore it’s becoming totally awesome! He makes a short comeback and Taz gets his foot on the ropes. So what if it’s FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE? Even the fans yell at that. And there’s the Tazmission and Sabu is out. Handshake ends the show.

Rating: D. Yeah this was pretty weak. It was just one guy beating the heck out of the other with one guy refusing to quit the entire time, then a short comeback and the ending is a guy that put on a stunt show not actually giving up because he’s out cold. Even after all that, I hope that Sabu and Taz Have A Nice Day If You Smell What I’m Cooking.

Overall Rating: D. This is more or less a one match show as Lynn and Van Dam had a good match but other than that, this felt thrown together and like it was about 1/3 filler. Not a lot made sense and they even screwed up the one good match they had with a stupid ending. I think the problem here is that you have no one legit to challenge Taz other than Van Dam and Heyman simply would not give him the push.

Awesome and Tanaka were both gone and Sid was too big of a deal to put against Taz I guess, so we get matches that aren’t that interesting like this which is ok but we’ve seen it SO many times that it’s just boring. The show is watchable I suppose, but I wanted it to end about an hour and a half before it did. If this was cut to about 2 hours instead of three, it’s FAR better. Check out the TV Title match if you want but it’s not required viewing.