Survivor Series 1994
Date: November 23, 1994
Location: Freeman Coliseum, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Gorilla Monsoon

Given that commentary team, I’m a bit worried. Your main match here is Taker vs. Yoko in a rematch of the Rumble’s casket match where something like 10 guys beat up Taker and caused him to be taken out of the company for about three or four months. Tonight the guest referee is Chuck Norris. Nope I’m not making that up and I guarantee there will be a ton of jokes about it.

Other than that we have Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund for the WWF Title which is an I Quit match where someone has to throw in the towel for you, which is how Backlund lost the title back in the early 80s. Other than that we have three Survivor Series matches which don’t look very appealing.

I think they finally got the balance right here with two singles matches that were huge and the rest were traditional matches. It looks ok on paper and since this is my second time reviewing it, I know it’s at least pretty good. Let’s see if it’s as good as it was four days ago.

We open with clips of all the teams getting pep talks from their leaders. Shawn is very cocky, which would come into play later on. Lawler is the only captain that doesn’t want a camera on these meetings. Since we’re in Texas, everyone is wearing a cowboy hat. Oh how I love these theme PPVs.

The announcers run down the card with Gorilla not being able to get a word in. Yep it’s going to be one of those kinds of nights. As Fink introduces the first team, he’s really hard to understand. If I didn’t know what to listen for I’d be completely lost here.

Teamsters vs. Bad Guys

Teamsters: Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart, Jeff Jarrett
Bad Guys: Razor Ramon, 1-2-3 Kid, British Bulldog, Fatu, Sionne

Sionne is the Barbarian replacing Samu. Your feuds line up like this: Razor vs. Diesel, since Razor took the IC belt from him about a month or so prior to this. That’s about it really. Oh Bulldog is there because of Owen and Neidhart. Other than that, yeah there’s no feuds or drama going on at all that I can remember. On the way to the ring, Shawn dives in front of Diesel to be in the spotlight. They’re tag champions at the time. Oh that’s right.

They took the belts from the Headshrinkers so that’s at least most of the team. Vince says that Survivor Series only comes once a year. Well yeah so does every other day of the year but we don’t have a freaking PPV for it. Although I have a feeling that if Vince could get away with it he’d try to. Gorilla trying to sound like a cowboy is rather amusing. Vince and Gorilla argue over who the captain is. Shawn is really turning into the heel that he would become famous as.

Gorilla is once again glad he retired. Did this guy hate his career or something? In a running story of this match, Fatu is having trouble with his new boots. He was barefoot for years and apparently wearing boots is a plot point to a match now. Yep that makes great sense. They mention that they can’t find Jarrett’s new CD anywhere as Gorilla continues his love affair with kayfabe.

You know, Barbarian really wasn’t that bad of a worker. He had more or less the same gimmick with a few minor tweaks for his entire career and he always managed to find work. Sure he’s generic but he stuck with his stuff and he got steady work out of it. That’s really all you can ask for isn’t it? We get Owen vs. Bulldog which is of course great. Owen is now the Rocket King. Yeah that’s not a weird name at all.

If there has ever been a match of two guys that could have been world champion but never could pull it off, this is it. Bulldog does that delayed suplex on Anvil which is rather impressive. The faces have momentum so naturally, they stop things dead for another foot issue with Fatu. Jarrett and Razor go at it for awhile, which was a very good feud actually.

Shawn’s hair is ridiculously short here. He almost looks like Rick Rude if that tells you anything. Jarrett really was good in the ring. For some reason people never took to him as a superstar. I think it was the singing thing. It’s sad to hear Gorilla not be able to get more than a few lines in at a time. Vince insists that he is the best commentator of all time and he’s going to make sure you know it too.

The heels do a lot of harmless standard stuff on the Kid that isn’t really interesting at all. Diesel finally comes in and within two and a half minutes he’s eliminated everyone but Razor. It’s three jackknives and a shot that leads to a count out. That makes it 5-1 with Razor being the only guy left. As you can tell Diesel is an absolute freak at this point in time. Shawn yells at Diesel to stay in the match.

Razor is beating Diesel who to be fair is worn out at this point since he can’t buy a tag. Diesel hits the jackknife and Razor is dead. Shawn gets in for the first time and he wants Razor held up for the kick. You know what’s coming here and yep, Shawn kicks Diesel. Now the cool part: Diesel doesn’t go down. He goes to one knee, but the kick doesn’t knock him completely down. Diesel is TICKED. He goes after Shawn who runs.

The rest of his team tries to calm him down with Owen and Jarrett screaming that they need to get back before they lose. Shawn gets counted out and apparently that’s enough to eliminate all five guys and yes, Razor wins like that. Ok, let’s see why this is stupid. Number one, only Shawn was legal. If he’s the only one legal, then another ten count should have started up. Now if no one else got in before that, then sure it’s a count out.

Also, if Jarrett and Hart were so worried, why didn’t one of them run back? That would at least have made sense. This was just an odd ending. No scratch that. It was a freaking stupid ending. What was the plan here? Was this supposed to be intelligent?

To be fair though, this really did look cool and was a good face turn as this was I think the third time that this had happened. The people were getting behind Diesel at the time and they pulled the trigger on him at the perfect time. Even the fans don’t sound thrilled about Razor, the biggest face in the match, winning like this though. That’s just never a good sign.

Rating: C-. It was ok at best before Diesel got in there but then he stole the show. This was a rollercoaster of a match with no eliminations for 13 minutes then four in less than three then five at once. That’s a bit too much over the top stuff for my taste. The in ring work was solid, but this was just for Shawn and Diesel and the face turn, so that’s all fine and good I guess. It wasn’t bad, but this could have been better. I’m just not sure how.

Todd is in the back with Pettingill as he’s leaving the arena. He says that he made Diesel and that he got stabbed in the back. He throws down the belt thereby vacating them and drives off as Vince tells Todd that Diesel is on the way. Ok wait. First of all, why is Vince telling Todd this? Couldn’t it just have gone to Todd?

I know Vince likes to be involved in everything but this is ridiculous. Second, Shawn had time to get his bag, stop to talk to Todd, walk with Todd, get in his car, talk to Todd more, and Diesel was just on his way? Did he stop to have a taco or something?

Royal Family vs. Clowns R Us

Royal Family: Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Queasy, Sleazy
Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink, Pink

Yes this is a midget match. They have three guys that look like them and yeah, that’s about it. Lawler is borderline abusive to his guys though. Since this match completely sucks, here’s the short version: Doink and Lawler do maybe a single move and then the small guys run in for a comedy spot. It’s high class stuff like running over and making faces at the other team and then running back to their corner. Yep it’s one of those kinds of matches.

The commentators imply that the kings are kids, despite them having FACIAL HAIR. To prove the stupidity of this match, the announcers point out that when one of the big guys is pinned, the guy that pins him is in essence eliminated too since it can only be big vs. big and little vs. little. This comedy stuff goes on for about ten minutes. That’s just freaking stupid. The holds and moves they do are things like armbars and wristlocks too.

While they’re on the mat, the guys run back and forth and all six run over Lawler. I wish I had a gun so I could shoot either myself or the screen. And now the six all run over Doink. All this is done to make faces at each other. Yes I hate this match quite a bit. Why do we always have to have these comedy matches? There’s never a point to them and only Vince likes them. I hate this so much. Oh look, it’s a Burger King crown. This is just so funny. How did Lawler get here? He had a career.

Dink wants to fight Lawler, so he gets on Doink’s shoulders. Lawler counters by getting on one of the small king’s shoulders. I’ll give you two guesses as to how this goes. It’s been only the two big guys the whole match. We get a random Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade ad as apparently the WWF has a part of a float. I don’t care either. As we get a test of strength, it’s a double criss cross by the midgets. Take me now.

One of them gives Lawler an object and he nails Doink. You would think that would be the pin but nope, it’s time for more comedy. I feel like I’m at a bad circus. Instead Doink goes on offense and it takes a reversed cross body to eliminate him. Over the next five minutes it’s the clowns getting beaten after cheating from Lawler. Of this whole thing, only Dink is actually entertaining.

His offense makes sense, he’s energetic, he plays to the crowd and he’s not boring. That’s such a nice change of pace. Of course Lawler’s team gets the clean sweep. Afterwards he takes credit for the whole thing and all six guys come after him which is just rather stupid. To end this awfulness, Doink comes back and pies Lawler. Yep, that’s how it ends.

Rating: G. That’s below an F. That sums it up I’d think. Dink gets a passing grade. He was actually really fun and entertaining. That might be because it was actual wrestling, but I could be wrong.

We hear about the Women’s Title change three days ago in Japan where Alundra Blayze lost to Bull Nakano. I haven’t seen it but from what I’ve heard it was a great one. Wouldn’t it be great to either see the match or a rematch or something instead of what we just sat through? Nope apparently that wasn’t good enough though, so instead we have Lawler getting pied by a clown. Nakano is here, so why can’t we have the match? I hate Vince at times.

WWF Title: Bret Hart vs. Bob Backlund

The deal here is that Backlund says that since he never gave up in 83, he never should have lost the title and therefore has had a 13 year title reign (he had the belt for two years when he lost it). He also says there’s no counter for the Cross Face Chicken Wing while Hart says that everything has a counter. Owen and Bulldog are the respective seconds and one of them have to throw in the towel to get the win.

Both have sworn they won’t do it. By those rules, regular submissions don’t count so you can give up all you want and it won’t count. That….is kind of stupid. They start out rather hot and fast which would be the peak of that aspect of the match. Bret uses a heabutt a lot. Has he ever gotten hurt using one of those? Not that I remember at least. We’re already on the mat as they actually compare the resumes of these two, and I think Backlund is slightly in the lead.

Six years as world champion is very hard to ignore. They mention a poll that was taken and 79% say that the Chicken Wing is the better hold? Gorilla, much like myself, refuses to believe that. They’re doing a very slow start here as Stu and Helen are watching from ringside. This is a bit odd as Bret will do…HOLY CRAP! Bret put on the abdominal stretch and Monsoon DIDN’T COMPLAIN!

That has never happened before and will likely never happen again. Dang I need a stiff drink after that. Orange juice will do fine. Anyway, as I was saying before I had my heart attack, Bret is doing a bunch of submission stuff and then Backlund will go for the chicken wing. That’s a bit of a cool idea I think with Bret being the master of all submissions and Bob being the guy with one big home run hitting move that he knows will win him the title if he can get it.

The impressive thing here though is that Bob is not only hanging with Bret here but at times flat out beating him. That’s saying a lot for someone that wasn’t a regular wrestler for years on end. Vince says that Bret doesn’t know how to submit. How amusing is it that he says this about Bret at the Survivor Series? Apparently Vince is right here though since Bret never did give up.

It never ceases to amaze me how much a few years can change things and how ironic so many of these lines would eventually become and now are in hindsight. Now for a nice change of pace, Backlund does a lot of mat work on Bret. He works over his arm, which makes sense for a change. Bret hits the post shoulder first in one of the most time honored bumps ever. That’s been used for years and it still works to this day.

Bret keeps trying to make his comebacks but Bob keeps taking him down, seemingly with ease. That’s the mark of a great wrestler: he can do his stuff and make it look easy. Now we get to what is likely the stupidest part of the match as Bret makes his traditional comeback and puts on his other submission hold: the figure four. Now this is fine, but Backlund gives up. However, the match doesn’t end because Owen refuses to throw in the towel.

So in other words, Bret has won the submission match, but he didn’t do it properly? Yeah that just sounds stupid. IN other words, you could just get some jerk to be the towel guy and then break your opponent’s leg or something, but since the towel isn’t thrown in it means nothing? Yeah that makes great sense.

I have to give the fans this: for a match that’s about 90% mat work, they’re staying interested. Hopefully this Sunday at Breaking Point (this is Thursday, three days before that), that’s what happens too. Backlund manages to reverse it for all of a minute. Bret gets ready for the Sharpshooter but Bob is back in it. Oh never mind no he’s not. Gorilla is finally able to talk a bit as Backlund actually wins a fist fight here. He’s quite underrated.

He follows it with a piledriver as I’m impressed by this guy. Bob works on the arm even more and the selling from Bret is great as he looks like he’s in agony. The fans are actually still in this too, which makes me feel better than they could actually get into very old school style like this. This is practically out of the 50s or 60s. Anyway, after another three minutes or so of getting beaten on, Bret makes probably his third comeback and gets the Sharpshooter, but Owen runs in for the save.

Bulldog chases him and we get the bit spot of the match as he freaking LUNGES at Owen but Rocket moves out of the way and Bulldog smacks the steps hard. He’s out cold, and Owen doesn’t know what to do now. As Bret looks down at this, he gets locked in the Chicken Wing. Now what follows is something you’ll hardly ever see again; Bret is in the hold for over nine minutes straight. Yes that’s correct, nine minutes. How many Raw main events don’t even get that long?

Now imagine Hart being in the same hold that long. The thing is, the fans are going to be rather bored when you think about it. Actually maybe not. Two things are going to happen here. First of all, people are going to start thinking that there’s no way that Bret is going to lose. Second, with every passing second that goes by, the people start thinking that any second now it’s going to happen, and that build up even more tension.

That is actually something close to brilliant when you think about it. After the first four minutes or so, Owen begins pleading with his family to save Bret and saying that he didn’t mean for this to happen. Ok wait a minute. If Owen is trying to get his parents to throw in the towel, doesn’t that mean that it doesn’t have to be the predetermined towel thrower?

Ok that’s all fine. However, if that’s the case, why can’t Owen just throw it in himself? Wouldn’t that make a lot more sense? Maybe because he’s the other thrower he can’t do that? That actually makes sense because if that was allowed then it would be like a Vince Russo match with one person having to throw in the other towel first to lose. But wait, if anyone can do it, why not just have a big gang come out and take the towel from Davey and throw it in?

See why I’m not a fan of this era’s booking? It has holes in it that you could drive a truck through. Anyway, Stu keeps saying no way while Helen is on the verge of screaming. Owen begs and begs, eventually getting down on his knees. As a credit to Bret, even though he’s been in this thing nearly ten minutes, the whole time he’s been trying to roll around and move a bit so that it’s not just him laying there.

That’s the mark of a great worker: the main story is on the floor because as evidenced earlier, the wrestlers can give up all they want but the towel has to be thrown in to end the match. Bret could literally lay there forever and it would have fit the rules of the match perfectly.

However, he realized that it was better to at least look like he was trying, which makes the match more believable, despite the focus not being on him at all. That’s a very nice little touch and another reason why Bret is better than you, along with getting to screw 20 year old Sunny. That makes him divine.

While this is all happening, including the pleading from Owen, Bulldog is still out like a light. He hasn’t moved in like 10 minutes and no one has come to help him. You can see him laying there out cold behind Stu while Owen is freaking out. Only in the WWF could an employee lay on the floor for that long and have no help given to him at all. Also, I think Stu has lost some age in the past year.

He looks MUCH better than he did the year before. Last year he looked like he was about 90. Now he could pass for 60 or so. That’s rather impressive. Dang he’s 79 years old at this point. I’m impressed indeed. Anyway, Helen can’t take anymore and snatches the towel away from Stu to throw it in and give Backlund the title as the fans are a combination of stunned and MAD, but more of the former.

Bob freaking Backlund just won the world title. However, the more important thing is that as soon as they throw the towel in, Owen jumps to his feet cheering before sprinting to the back pumping his fist, revealing it was the greatest acting job since a diva had to act like Vince was hot. Bret deserves an award here for the selling. It’s amazingly great. We now get the awesomeness that is the celebration of Backlund’s victory.

He is euphoric over winning here, holding his hands up in the air and with the belt around his waist. It’s so simple but his facial expressions shove this to such a high level of awesomeness that it’s insane. Since it goes with it, I’ll include Owen’s interview as part of this. As we cut to the back, the look on the face of Owen is amazing as well.

See what happens when you give the best workers the best storylines? You get great material. Anyway, Owen admits that it was all a setup and that this is the greatest day of his life, since he’s going to get all of the titles and that he’ll never quit. His face here is mind blowingly awesome. That whole thing was epic.

Rating: A. The only thing keeping this from an A+ is some of the holes in the booking, but this was magnificent. However, I could very easily see how some people wouldn’t be into this. It’s very hit or miss and while I and most of the other old school fans would love this, a lot of people wouldn’t get why it’s great and for once, I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s not something that everyone can get into and that’s fine.

It’s a very different style than any of us are used to since it’s such an old school style. It’s the epitome of hit or miss with people likely either loving it completely or wanting a hatchet to cut out their eyes so they will be less bored. However, the stuff at the end is almost impossible to love. The emotions and acting here are top notch and the whole 45 minute plus (yes it’s that long) segment is just amazing to me, but like I said, if you disagree here, I understand for a change.

Now since I doubt most of you remember Backlund’s reign, I thought you might like to see how it ends. This is four days after Survivor Series in Madison Square Garden.

Backlund then crawled up the aisle to leave. He made Nash look like a god and it worked beautifully. However, later on he complained about how Nash took the celebration too far and didn’t show him enough respect. Dude, you’re 45 years old and more or less a novelty act who got beat in 8 seconds so that they could save Nash vs. Hart. Get over your hall of fame self.

Vince and Gorilla can’t believe it. Vince booked it, why couldn’t he believe it?

Guts N Glory vs. Million Dollar Team

Guts N Glory: Lex Luger, Mabel, Adam Bomb, Smoking Guns
Million Dollar Team: King Kong Bundy, Tatanka, Bam Bam Bigelow, Heavenly Bodies

Bundy isn’t really the captain. He’s just listed first here. I don’t think there actually was one here. This was the tail end of the awesome Tatanka vs. Luger feud, which kick started at Summerslam. The idea was simple: Tatanka and just about everyone else on the planet thought Luger had sold out to DiBiase, but there was no concrete proof. Basically DiBiase kept helping Luger, but there was never anything for sure.

Tatanka kept saying Luger did it, but Luger denied it. This led to a match at Summerslam, where in reality Tatanka was the one that had sold out all along. It was a lot better than it sounds here and that’s your main basis for this match. It’s really more DiBiase vs. Luger, but Luger had to get his army of lower midcard faces to help him out so here we are. Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely hate Men on a Mission? I absolutely loathe them.

Mo isn’t here for this, but we still get Mabel and Oscar, making M.O. out of them, so in a weird way we have all three of them. Yeah that was stupid. Luger and Tatanka start here as Vince recaps everything I just said. I beat Vince to it. Take that you old man. While Luger is getting chopped, Mable raises the roof on the apron, showing the cutting edge intellectual capacity he brings to this team. They somehow botch a clothesline where Luger hits him in the back of the head.

Pritchard comes in but before Luger kills him we get Mabel vs. Bundy. Please take me now. Wait apparently no we don’t. Ok so wait, Mabel came in and challenged Bundy, then stepped out just to come back in. Yeah I hate this match already. The crowd chants Whoop there it is. Bundy is out in less than ten seconds and Pritchard comes back in. Since he’s tiny and Mable has his own gravitational pull, this is going to be quick.

He goes to the second rope and hits a freaking CROSS BODY BLOCK onto Pritchard to kill him completely. Vince botches the call by saying that the Gigolo calls himself Del Ray. Is anyone else getting a migraine? I know I am. Somehow for the third time in four minutes we have Bundy vs. Mable.

Yep I’ll have that image in my head for the rest of the show, and somehow it’s less stupid than this. Amazingly, this showdown is awful. Let’s go to Bigelow. He has that pesky thing called talent though so he just doesn’t fit in here at all. He goes for an enziguri which misses but Mabel tries a spin kick. I would say hits, but he literally misses by at least 10 inches. I mean this was awful. The fans loudly groaned at the sight of it.

I have to finish it. I have to finish it. I have to finish it. This HAS to improve. I don’t think it can actually get worse. They both go to the floor so they can lay there for awhile since it’s past their nap times. They have to stop for one an hour after they eat. They take a lot of naps.

Mabel gets counted out as Bigelow beats the count. Somehow that fat tub of goo would be the King of the Ring and top heel within 8 months. Vince must have been on the REALLY GOOD crack at this time. Or maybe he didn’t have any in him at all and that’s what caused all this. So now we have Del Ray vs. Billy Gunn. Somehow, this is better. Read who’s in there, and think about that for a minute.

Now we shift to Bomb vs. Bigelow and Adam hits that SWEET slingshot clothesline of his. Dang I love that move. He dominates just like he would do against Mabel at In Your House but after one shot from Bundy, Bigelow puts him down and moonsaults him out of it. I’ve always hated when a guy gets hit with one shot and since it’s from behind, it’s a knockout shot. What’s the deal with that? Del Ray hits two sweet superkicks that do nothing at all.

However, after a standard illegal elbow, he’s gone to Luger. Good to see that some things never chance. The Guns beat on Tatanka for the better part of ever and it’s just barely interesting. They were just such a worthless team. You can tell they’re real cowboys though. They’re wearing khakis. Yep the Beautiful People match is certainly more interesting, especially with those shots of Velvet’s figure. Dang.

Anyway, Bart goes for a crucifix and gets caught in the End of the Trail, which is apparently the name of Tatanka’s finishing move. Forget that it’s the Papoose To Go. We’re 4-2 now with the excellent team of Billy Gunn and Lex Luger against the four heels. Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant. I really can’t stand Vince saying YES NO! Is he really that impatience? A splash ends Billy, making it AMERICA vs. four. Oh boy I can barely contain my excitement.

As I look at my clock, we’ve been at this beatdown for six minutes now. Oh joy indeed. Why do I need to see Luger get beaten up that long? Wait, that might mean an injury which means him off TV. BLAST HIM WITH EVERY FREAKING THING YOU’VE GOT PEOPLE! Our ot nowhere Luger rolls him up for the pin and then literally lays there on the ground while Bundy gets ready for the splash.

It was without a doubt the worst looking thing I’ve ever seen in a match like this. That’s the end and the heels celebrate before beating on Luger forever. The faces finally run out for the save. I guess they wanted to see the annoying one get beaten on too. This segment just went on forever.

Rating: C-. I know I blasted this match a lot, but for some reason by the end it wasn’t horrible. I think it was the faces losing clean that fixed a lot of this. That’s what the match should have been: the heels getting a clean win which is something that hardly ever happens. It’s a match where the pieces don’t add up to what you get at the end, which is a good thing.

Backlund has a press conference to talk about how he’ll be a role model. Yep for all of three days.

Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

Before this, we have the debut of the deity himself, Chuck Norris. He’s the guest referee tonight, which shouldn’t be a problem for him. He can certainly count to ten. He counted to infinity twice, so ten is easy. He’s there to keep people from coming out to beat up Taker. That’s a good idea, since he’s so strong that he never does push-ups. He simply pushes the world down. After two of the slowest intros ever, it’s time to go.

Before the match even begins, we can already see the problem here: no one believes Yoko has a chance, and he doesn’t. Yoko can’t really do anything to Taker so Taker starts beating on him. The managers interfere to turn the momentum over. Yeah that doesn’t work. Momentum implies movement, and I don’t think they’ve actually moved in this match. They’re just so freaking slow. Now with Taker it makes sense, but with Yoko it’s just due to fatness.

He took some time off after this match and came back even bigger. That can’t be good. Anyway, Norris is mostly just window dressing for the majority of this match. He’s shown a few times standing there. Dang I ran out of jokes for a minute. I’ll make up for it later. Eventually Bigelow and Bundy come out and yell at him, leading to IRS running in and nailing Taker then putting him in a sleeper.

Taker would feud with DiBiase’s team until I think the following Summerslam, so yeah that went on way too long. The fat guys don’t do anything to Norris, and I can’t blame them. After all when the Boogeyman goes to bed at night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris. I’d be afraid too. So yeah, the rest is rather predictable, as has been the first part of the match. Yoko keeps trying but at the last second Taker rises up. The lack of drama is freaking killing this match.

It’s clear that no one believes Yoko has a chance. It’s fine to want to send the fans home happy, but at least try to build some drama. At least make Yoko look like he has a snowball’s chance out there. For no good reason, Jarrett comes out and Norris kicks him in the chest. Well that was rather pointless.

Yoko gets kicked into the casket to end it. I know that’s really lackluster, but seriously there was just nothing else to say about it. It was just as you would expect it to be: not that interesting, slow, and completely lacking in drama. This was pretty bad.

Rating: D+. Yeah this was bad. As I’ve said a million times, the best thing a match can do is have you guessing who is going to win. There was absolutely zero doubt here who the winner would be. It’s a great sign when you know who the winner is going in and they get you caught up in it anyway.

For a great example, see Taker vs. Shawn. We knew Taker would win, but it got us going anyway. As for this, Norris was the big celebrity of the show and he did what he was supposed to do: beat up a midcard guy. It was ok for a pointless main event, but this wasn’t interesting at all.

Overall Rating: C-. This is about as back and forth of a show as you’re ever going to find. The first match is ok, the second is beyond awful, the third is great, the fourth is ok, and the last is awful. Also, a LOT of people will disagree on the title match, and like I said before I’m fine with that. It’s a tricky one to call and it really depends on your taste as a fan. I loved it, and for me it almost carries this show. Overall, the show is certainly watchable, but it’s forgettable.

The title change that mattered was the following weekend so this one meant little. Other than that, it’s a very forgettable show. Taker won the feud as he always did, there was an awful match, Luger managed to blow another one, and there was an ok opener. Seriously, nothing here stands out. It’s ok if you’re really bored and just want to kill about 3 hours, but don’t go out of your way.

 

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Unforgiven 2007
Date: September 16, 2007
Location: FedExForum, Memphis, Tennessee
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, John Layfield, Joey Styles, Taz

We’re almost done with this series as there’s only the Scramble show after this. This is a pretty forgotten show but at the very least we’re firmly into the double branded PPVs here. Tonight we have Cena vs. Orton and Khali vs. Batista vs. Mysterio for the titles. The real main event though is Undertaker’s latest return to face Mark Henry in what would be a potential Mania main event today. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Taker who was beaten a lot and is back again.

ECW Title: CM Punk vs. Elijah Burke

Man did these two go on different career paths. Burke is more famous as the Pope D’Angelo Dinero. We get a video on Punk winning the title recently in his final title shot. He had like four of them so he had to win one eventually. Burke doesn’t even get a full entrance. On a PPV. That should tell you a lot about his chances here. Feeling out process to start as Punk gets a quick cross armbreaker that goes nowhere.

Burke takes over for a few seconds but Punk grabs a Russian legsweep for two. They mess up an Irish whip into the corner as their legs collide and Burke takes over by just slamming Punk’s head off the mat. Why make things too complicated? Bow and arrow rest hold goes on Punk for a few seconds but he fights out and hits the knee/bulldog combo followed by the springboard clothesline for two.

Out to the floor and Punk gets his back rammed into various objects that aren’t meant to have your back rammed into. Burke hooks a Boston Crab but Punk makes a rope. Here are some rolling Germans but Punk blocks the third one. In a cool looking hold, Burke hooks the legs in a Texas Cloverleaf position but is standing and facing Punk instead of sitting on Punk’s back.

Punk finally gets out of it and hits an enziguri, only to get popped in the head with an uppercut. Burke was an amateur boxer so that’s a good move for him to use. That’s one of the issues I have with Barrett: he’s this bareknuckle champion but he never throws punches. Why not? Not that it matters as Punk rolls Burke up out of nowhere for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Not much of a debut as the champion here as Burke of all people dominated for the majority of the match and Punk won on a total fluke. It wasn’t a particularly good match either as this could have easily been the main event on ECW. Punk would lose the title soon enough to Chavo Guerrero and go on to win Money in the Bank, so he did ok I think.

We recap MVP vs. Matt Hardy and their rivalry that resulted in them winning the tag titles. The idea is that they’re competing in all kinds of non-wrestling things such as arm wrestling, boxing, basketball, pizza eating etc. This went on for MONTHS because both guys were injured or sick or whatever. Then they won the tag titles on a glorified fluke.

Smackdown Tag Titles: MVP/Matt Hardy vs. Deuce N Domino

MVP is also the US Champion. JBL says these two are like Brittney Spears and Mother Teresa. Now there’s a comparison you won’t hear again that often. Cherry’s (Deuce N Domino’s manager) looks were underrated. MVP and Hardy have a fight over who starts the match until we get down to MVP vs. Domino. Even Cole can’t tell Deuce and Domino apart. Domino yells a lot and Matt comes in off a slap to his chest.

Swinging neckbreaker puts Domino down as Matt and MVP have some annoying points system over who can hit the most moves. They keep shouting the score out to each other and I really don’t get what the point of it is. MVP sets for Matt’s yelling legdrop but Matt protests and tags himself in. This has been a one sided virtual comedy match so far. Matt drops a middle rope elbow on the back of Domino’s neck and does the ballin elbow drop.

Off to Deuce who has better luck. Matt gets caught in a chinlock and MVP rolls his eyes. A quick rollup gets two for Hardy. Domino back in as we settle into a regular tag match. Cherry tries to interfere but Matt grabs the Side Effect after MVP shouts to him. Domino hooks a cobra clutch and MVP walks out. Matt fights back and MVP is up on the apron again. He gets an inadvertent tag and cleans house. He hits Ballin on Deuce but Matt comes in, throws MVP out and steals the pin off a Twist of Fate.

Rating: C-. This is the kind of match Smackdown is for. Having two tag titles was a really bad idea as there were nowhere near enough teams to support it. Matt vs. MVP went on almost forever until Matt FINALLY won it at Backlash. This story went on for about 9-10 months. See how it could get boring quickly with all of the challenges that weren’t just wrestling matches?

Rey talks about being beaten up by Great Khali and how Khali, the world champion at this point, beat up Batista also. The idea is staying out of the Vice Grip, not breaking it. That makes sense.

HHH vs. Carlito

This is no DQ for Carlito only, meaning he can’t get disqualified but HHH can. What’s the story for that? I have no idea and the silence during HHH’s entrance isn’t telling me much. HHH returned from injury 3 weeks ago against Booker T and beat him in a match that everyone blasted HHH for winning because they’re idiots. Carlito’s hair is shorter here so he doesn’t look as stupid.

Both guys have had their entrances and the bell has gone off but the only information I’ve gotten is HHH was on Carlito’s Cabana at some point in the past. Usually WWE is way better about stuff like this. Ok so Vince was on the Cabana and HHH interrupted. I guess Carlito is Vince’s lackey? I don’t remember this story at all because it seems like something that’ll be ending tonight.

Coach made the match it seemed. Carlito throws in a trashcan but gets knocked to the floor quickly. A chair shot misses and HHH rams Carlito into the barricade. HHH goes old school with an abdominal stretch and grabs the ropes because he’s a natural heel. He finally gets caught pulling the hair and we go outside. HHH throws Carlito over the ECW announce table but a shot with the bell stops the Game for a bit.

Carlito chokes away with a cable but the apple spit fails due to a right hand. A big trashcan shot to the head puts HHH right back down though and for some reason Carlito is in control. More trashcan shots keep HHH down and the Puerto Rican gets another can. A suplex puts HHH through that one so Carlito finds a third one. Well sure why not. He puts it between the ropes in the corner but HHH reverses with a clothesline.

There are white symbols on the back of HHH’s tights which are really out of place for him. The knee to the face and facebuster get two each. Carlito throws some powder in HHH’s eyes but he takes too much time to get a chair and HHH is able to grab a spinebuster for no cover. The referee puts the chair out of the ring and HHH gets a low blow and Pedigree to end this.

Rating: D+. What in the world was the point of this? I’d love an explanation for that because I don’t get it. The rules were pretty stupid because they couldn’t give us a 10 second explanation of why they existed and they were just there to stack the odds against HHH. I mean, did anyone believe HHH wasn’t going to beat Car-freaking-Lito? Bad match on top of that as we were just waiting for the Pedigree and pin. Nothing match and I still don’t get the point of it.

Maria (MY GOODNESS) talks to Batista who hits on her. He talks about how he was going to get the title back after losing it. The time for talking is over and all that jazz. Basic stuff.

We recap Beth vs. Candace. Beth is a bully, Candace won’t give up, next.

Women’s Title: Candace Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix

Beth had been a face when she debuted but was injured and was out for a year. She’s been back as the Glamazon for about two months and is on a roll. Candace is the scrappy champion that has no reason to be here but has HEART! Beth takes over with her power stuff and Candance has to be all scrappy to stay in it. Beth is like girl please and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to stop the momentum dead. All Beth at this point as she works on Candace’s back.

A backbreaker gets two. She puts her in position for the Glam Slam but just drops her instead of slamming it down which gets two as well. Candace gets in a shot to the head but Beth is just like dude no. An over the shoulder backbreaker makes the champ scream. She manages to get out of that and grab a neckbreaker to put both chicks down. Candace starts her comeback and hits an Edge-O-Matic out of the corner but gets rammed into the corner by pure power from Beth. A gorilla press drop gets two. Beth tries a backbreaker but Candace rolls over the shoulders into a crucifix into the pin. I hate her music.

Rating: D+. They’re the Divas and the champion has music that competitive dance routines would be set to. This was exactly what you would have expected from a long Raw match and that’s not something I wanted to see. Candace looked a lot better with long hair if that means anything. Bad match.

Khali/interpreter says he’ll dominate and Batista is no match for him. Khali crushes a melon with a Mysterio mask on it. Batista’s head is represented by a watermelon which is crushed also. The world title looks tiny on his shoulder.

We recap the triple threat. Khali won the title in a battle royal after Edge got injured (shocking!) and has dominated everyone since then. Batista is like yo I can beat him. Rey is like “Uh….Eddie died two years ago so I should get a shot.” Triple threat land here we come! This gets the music video for the night.

Smackdown World Title: Great Khali vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Batista

The challengers go right at Khali but Rey is sent to the floor quickly. JBL says that’s good for him which is true as one big man is going to have to take out the other before he can win the match. Khali hammers away on Batista but Rey comes back in to help with the double teaming on the champ again. He even tries to steal a rollup on Batista which ticks Big Dave off.

Seated senton puts Batista down but Khali kicks Rey’s head off to put him down. Here comes the Vice Grip but Batista blocks it. He doesn’t block the chop (hit him in the shoulder) and now the Grip is on. Rey comes in with a chair and man that wasn’t incredibly smart. Rey is out but Khali goes after Batista instead. Khali gets his hands on Rey eventually and the beating begins.

Off to a nerve hold because Khali is foreign and will get sued if he doesn’t waste time with one of them in every match when he could just crack Rey’s head open and win the match easily. There’s the Grip but Dave makes the save. Khali gets tied up in the ropes and Batista goes off which is smart. Batista goes for the Bomb on Rey but Rey counters into the 619. Khali takes one as well as a seated senton but Batista pops up and powerbombs Rey onto Khali. A decent spinebuster to Khali gives Big Dave the title and a BIG pop.

Rating: C-. Keeping this short was its saving grace. Having Rey out there helped things a lot as it gave them a way around having the power vs. power. Batista pinning Khali was a good thing and it could have been a lot worst. At the end of the day though, Batista was just keeping the title warm for Edge who was keeping it warm for Taker. That’s life on Smackdown for you though.

We recap Vince finding out that Hornswoggle was his illegitimate son. Screw you Kennedy for getting hurt and messing this up. HHH keeling over laughing is hilarious.

Batista runs into HHH backstage and they shake hands. HHH says it’s another thing to keep it and walks off.

Raw Tag Titles: Paul London/Brian Kendrick vs. Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch

Spanky vs. Cade starts us off. These teams traded the titles on a house show tour and this is the rubber match I guess. Kendrick gets beaten down by both champions (the southern boys have the belts) until they get off to London and work over Murdoch’s arm. This is a popcorn match. Not the kind where you grab a box of popcorn and turn off your brain. It’s the kind where you go get popcorn because the match isn’t interesting at all.

The challengers bust out stereo suicide dives to take the champions out as the fans are SILENT. Granted this is Memphis and anything faster paced than PG-13 is over their heads. This is here as nothing more than a buffer between the two world title matches and everyone knows it. Cade takes Kendrick down as he plays Ricky Morton. Murdoch gets two as well. Kendrick tries to fire off some shots but gets powerslammed off the middle rope and London has to save.

Murdoch gets two off an elbow drop as everyone is waiting for this match to end. Time for some chinlocking because this match hasn’t gone on long enough yet. Murdoch tries to get too fancy coming off the top and Kendrick kicks him in the face. A diving tag brings in London and JR can’t tell which is which. To be fair I couldn’t either for a long time. A springboard double stomp gets two on Cade. Cross body gets two for Kendrick. The champs hit a double kick to the head of Kendrick who kicks out at two and I kid you not, the crowd groans. Cade finally retains by hitting a sitout spinebuster on Kendrick.

Rating: C-. It’s not bad but as I said over and over again, this was just so freaking boring. It went on and on as the second longest match of the night. The 2000s were not kind to the tag division and I think you could see why here. There was nothing to see here and no one was interested at all. Weak match and it just kept going, which is worst than sucking.

We recap Cena vs. Orton which involved Orton wanting a title shot so badly that he punted Cena’s dad. Cena beat up Regal because Regal denied Orton the match in the first place.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Cena’s dad is at ringside. Orton looks at him and here comes Cena. John stares him down and snaps as they go at it in the middle. Randy is just trying to cover up at the moment and the fans aren’t thrilled. All Cena so far and he goes for the STF but Orton rolls to the floor. Orton gets in a shot as Cena is coming back in and there’s the elevated DDT for two. Cena wakes up and goes off on Orton but gets caught in a sleeper/chinlock.

The fans are behind Orton and you can hear the octave drop when the Cena fans chime in. Cena finally fights out of it as the Cena fans are cheering louder now. John hammers away with strikes and takes him into the corner where he pounds away even more. And yes, that’s a DQ after less than eight minutes with about a full minute in a chinlock. Think the Memphis fans are happy with that?

Rating: D. This was a joke right? This was what they wanted to give us after giving us 8 minutes in the other main event? Nothing to see here and this would give Cena a one year title reign as soon as the clock hit midnight. However, he wouldn’t defend it on PPV again in this reign as he would get hurt, resulting in the three world title matches at No Mercy where Orton walked out with the title.

Orton goes after Cena Sr. post match but Cena Jr. hooks the STFU on Orton and lets his dad punt him in a cool moment.

Coach goes off on Papa Cena in the back and makes Orton vs. Cena II in a last man standing match which never happened as I mentioned above. Cena the younger pops up and grabs Coach by the throat saying mess with dad, you mess with him.

We recap Taker vs. Henry which is the main event. Henry beat up Taker after Taker had a cage match with Batista and put him out. Taker was already hurt with a bad arm and it allowed Edge to cash in and win the world title. Weird things started happening, Taker is back, you know the drill.

Undertaker vs. Mark Henry

Taker gets the big overdone entrance with the symbol being on fire and all that jazz. This takes like 5 minutes to get through. Henry takes a step back and Taker hammers away. Henry catches Taker and pounds away so Taker headbutts him down. Taker loads up Old School but Henry punches him in the ribs. A superplex puts Taker down which brings a smile to my face as this is a few weeks after the ring broke with Henry superplexing Show.

Henry kicks Taker in the face and Taker just glares at him. They go to the floor and taker keeps punching. Back in Henry hits a low blow and a splash for two. A second splash gets the same result. A third splash misses and Taker strikes away but Henry gets something like a Boss Man Slam to put the dead dude back down. Splash #3 keeps Taker down as this is going way too slowly.

Taker sits up and I think we’re finally getting close to the end of this. He pounds away in the corner (shocking) and then hits the splash/clothesline in the corner. Old School hits and taker loads up the chokeslam. He manages to get a pretty good one too but it only gets two. Taker sets for a Last Ride but Henry had the buffet today so it doesn’t work. Off to a bearhug which he lets go because he’s an idiot. However he shows why he’s a bigger idiot by going to the corner and letting Taker hit the Last Ride for the pin.

Rating: D+. I get that it was the big brawl between two power guys but MAN this was dull. It went so slowly and the ending was a total cinch the whole time. I think I get why this went on last but they probably should have gone with the Batista match instead as the crowd was totally burned out at this point. It’s not horrible, but what did you expect here? Weak main event.

Overall Rating: D. Have you ever watched a marathon race where someone at the very end drags themselves across the finish line because they’re totally out of energy? That’s this show at about the halfway point. It just kept going and going, which is really weird as none of the matches even hit twelve minutes. Nothing on here is particularly good and the whole thing is just not interesting. Bad show but next year had a nice twist to it. That’s up next.

 

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The show is tomorrow night and even after watching Impact regularly, I’m not sure what all the matches are.  I’ve heard of a few more being announced, but it’s not like they’ve had a ton of time to build them up.  Here are the predictions.Roode to retain of course.  There’s no way he’s dropping the title that fast after winning it.  This match is as slapped on as an octopus tattoo during a drunken night on the town.

 

Geez what are the other big matches?  It’s pretty sad that I have to check Wikipedia to remember them less than 48 hours after watching the Go Home show.

 

Hardy over Jarrett.  No way they’re having Jeff lose that fast.  Hardy I mean, not Jarrett.  This is going to get really annoying when I write the review.

 

Daniels over RVD with some cheating involved.  Remember when like 13 months ago RVD was in the main event of the show of the year?

 

And Crimson to beat Morgan in what is not a dream match no matter what they say.

 

Thoughts/predictions?

 

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Survivor Series 2003
Date: November 16, 2003
Location: American Airlines Arena, Dallas, Texas
Attendance: 13,487
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Tazz

What a difference a year makes. Austin is back as the co-GM of Raw along with Bischoff which is one of your main matches. The winner of the Survivor Series match becomes the full GM of the show. The Raw main event is Goldberg who debuted the night after Mania 19 against HHH (I’m as shocked as you are), who had lost the world title to Goldberg at Unforgiven two months earlier.

The twist this time is that Goldberg has a shattered ankle thanks to the returning Batista. Over on Smackdown, we have Angle’s team against Brock’s team in the feud that wouldn’t die. Their world title match is nonexistent here, which is kind of a throwback to the original shows.

The other main match is Vince vs. the Undertaker in a Buried Alive match which we’ll cover in more detail when we get to it. Other than that, this looks like a run of the mill TV show instead of a PPV. A handful of matches can carry a show to being good, so let’s see if this one does just that.

The opening video is very generic with a voiceover asking if people have what it takes to survive. Oh come on I could have been more creative in high school.

Kurt Angle’s Team vs. Brock Lesnar’s Team

Kurt Angle, John Cena, Chris Benoit, Hardcore Holly, Bradshaw
Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, A-Train

Again, no recap, and yes that’s the same Matt Morgan from TNA. This really is just a way to push Brock vs. Angle, Benoit and Cena. All three were trying to become number one contender to his WWE Title around this time and it led to some absolutely great matches. Cena grew up during this feud as he showed that he could work with the best of them in someone like Benoit and work well.

As for the other guys, I think Heyman or whoever the GM was brought them in to help Brock fight here. This might have been Jones’ last appearance and I’m pretty sure Morgan’s debut was on Smackdown when he was added to this tem. Holly is there because Lesnar broke his neck and Bradshaw…uh…well he would be world champion in about nine months so apparently they knew something was coming with him.

Cena is still a rapper who wears throwbacks here. He doesn’t know why he’s on first. I thought who was on first. As always Cena gets a reaction. You could see the star on its way out in him and in just a year and a half’s time he would be winning world titles. Bradshaw has his more familiar look now and apparently he’s the replacement for Farrooq who was injured by Big Show. No clue why Farrooq was supposed to be in there in the first place but whatever.

Holly in a major PPV match just looks weird. Angle gets a solid pop. Show is US Champion here and it looks like a freaking toy. Jones had been around for awhile hanging out with Undertaker but then left for the summer and came back even more horrible. Morgan is a complete stranger here, with the first things Cole says being “we don’t know a heck of a lot about Matt Morgan”. You have to love commentators being on top of things like that.

He still looks like a freak though, but given that he’s followed in by Brock Lesnar, he’s kind of overshadowed. Holly jumps him before the bell and beats on him for awhile before shoving a referee and being eliminated before the match starts. I’m glad for that because Holly is the name of my best friend’s sister so I always picture her (she’s 12) when I talk about Hardcore Holly and it’s just aggravating.

Somehow Holly (the wrestler, not the 7th grader) would get a world title shot at the Rumble and naturally would get destroyed. He was obsessed with breaking Lesnar’s very thick neck, so instead of using a weapon or something he kept trying to beat him with a full nelson. It was just idiotic and nothing but filler until Eddie got into the main event. Bradshaw eliminates A-Train in about thirty seconds as we see how stupid the Clothesline From JBL is as a finisher.

Once someone has been beaten down it’s ok, but with this A-Train missed a splash and Bradshaw hit a single clothesline for a pin. That just doesn’t roll for me. Since 30 seconds was too long, Show comes in and eliminates Bradshaw with a chokeslam in about 20 seconds. That’s stupid also, but far less so. Show finally has gone back to the singlet and shorts so he looks far less idiotic at this point than he did last year.

It’s 4-3 in case you were wondering. Cena is in there with Lesnar now and while he’s in over his head, he’s trying. Like I said you can see the star in him. We move on to the wet dream of the IWC that is Matt Morgan vs. John Cena. This might have been Morgan’s WWE debut unless he had a match on Smackdown that I don’t remember, but he’s light years ahead of Nathan Jones who had been on Wrestlemania already. Jones clearly can barely do anything at all.

Morgan is limited here, but he at least looks comfortable. Jones looks like he’s walking through every single step in his mind which is just not good for a major show like this. Ah good they covered that. Earlier on they mentioned that the heel team here is the heaviest of all time which I wasn’t sure of. They mention the first Survivor Series and the heel team in the main event. I had forgotten Rick Rude was on that team which brought the average weight down a lot.

Cena has been in there a long time now, which makes little sense as he has Angle and Benoit (rocking the black tights tonight) on the apron. As I say that, old black tights comes in and hammers on Lesnar. In an odd stat that Tazz points out, three members of Team Angle have had broken necks and now you can add Cena to that list I think. I don’t remember if it was broken or not but he was out with a neck injury. Show’s power is just scary.

It’s a weird thing to see Matt Morgan be the weakest guy on his team but I think he is here. I will never get tired of watching Benoit and all those ways he has of getting the Crossface on people. It’s ridiculous how many ways he can get that on people. Angle finally gets the tag and cleans house, beating down all four heels. He ducks a boot from Jones that hits Morgan, leading to the Angle Slam to tie it at three.

Now that’s the Kurt Angle that gets the insane praise around here. Jones taps out maybe twenty seconds later. Angle stands up from the ankle lock and turns around to get F5ed and pinned. We lost three people in thirty two seconds after losing three in 48 seconds earlier. Thanks for that epic storytelling there Vince. Now we get to the good stuff as it’s Benoit vs. Lesnar. It’s 2-2 here by the way, with Benoit and Cena against Show and Lesnar.

Now this is very interesting as Benoit and Brock are in there together for about two minutes and Lesnar gets his head handed to him. Benoit gets the Crossface on him three times and Brock gets out on his own once (the other time Benoit put it on when Lesnar was in the ropes). On the third one Brock taps, which was huge as Benoit gets a clean win over him. Cena gets the tag and gets kicked square in the hands.

Following this he does something that’s either very smart or very stupid: he doesn’t sell the kick. Now you can look at this one of two ways. The kick clearly missed by at least eight inches and he got his hands up. Now if you’re Cena here you have a very big problem here: do you look stupid and sell, or do you acknowledge that it didn’t connect and keep going? I could certainly see both sides but Cena just gets the chain from the corner and pops Show, leading to the FU and the pin.

Rating: B-. Well that was shall we say different. The two big bursts of eliminations seemed stupid to me but that’s whatever I suppose. The big things that were supposed to be done were done as Cena pins Show to further their feud and Benoit gets a clean win over Lesnar. That worked fine with the rest of the people there just being window dressing for the most part.

This really should have been Benoit’s team other than Angle’s but that’s fine as Angle was the bigger star at this time. The good parts were good and the bad parts were bad here, and that’s the best I can say it. Benoit would get his title shot on Smackdown but would lose. Eventually he would win the Rumble and go to Raw and beat HHH for the belt at Mania.

Vince comes to see Shane about his match with Kane tonight. He says that we have a father and son against two brothers which is kind of a cool thing when you think about it. He asks Shane how he feels. Shane says the only thing he feels is sorry for Vince tonight. I love how they can coexist despite that whole Shane trying to put Vince out of business two years ago ordeal but whatever. Vince leaves and runs into Austin and they stare at each other.

Austin starts laughing as does Vince. Austin laughs harder and harder before stopping dead and walking past Vince. That’s one of those really weird moments that works despite making absolutely zero sense in context. It’s just odd seeing them together given their history, but those two played such a major role in the company’s survival that it just wouldn’t work if they didn’t interact somehow.

Come see the WWE live!

Women’s Title: Lita vs. Molly Holly

There’s a great sign in the crowd: Take Me To Your Lita. This is Lita’s comeback after being out about a year and a half with a broken neck. Was there something in the water in catering that caused broken necks or something? More or less this is her complimentary title shot, which makes me wonder how weak the division is when a woman returning from a year and a half off is considered the top challenger. That can’t be a good sign.

She’s rocking the shorts if nothing else so that’s a perk. Molly is as generic as you can possibly imagine here. The story leading into this match was that Molly was jealous of all the attention that Lita was getting, which makes sense at least. Molly actually has a great looking chest that often get overlooked. I know it’s not the best thing to focus on their looks here, but seriously, there’s no story here and if you really believe that the wrestling is what’s supposed to be on display here, you’re sadly mistaken.

We get a Great Muta reference and Lawler doesn’t know who that is. That’s just amusing. The wrestling being relatively boring here isn’t helping things either. It’s ok, but that’s all it is: ok. Molly hits her top rope flip move, which of course makes her awesome but Lita gets up. Molly rams her into an exposed buckle to end it. Yep, that’s it.

Rating: D+. Egads this just wasn’t very interesting or even good. It suffers from the main issue that women’s matches tend to have which is that there’s just no real reason at all to care about it. The match is ok but there’s nothing at all to set it apart from any of the other various combinations of Divas that could have been come up with given the current batch of talent in the company.

We recap Shane vs. Kane. Kane recently had his mask taken off, leading to him going nuts (no really Kane went nuts) and actually tombstoning Linda on the stage. Shane started going after Kane but nothing would work. During this feud there was the testicle electrocution bit which I think was the one that killed any chance this feud had of working. There was a laundry list of problems with this feud though, so the testicle thing wouldn’t have saved it.

The biggest of all was simple though. No one actually cared because we didn’t know what Kane was talking about. He kept going on and on about pain etc, so just like now no one understands what the feud is about. Also, these guys feuded forever and I don’t think Shane had won a single time coming up to this.

There are other things but I’ll cut it off here. The last big thing was that a lot of the roster apparently didn’t like this because Shane is just coming in and taking a major spot away from others that are full time workers. Why should Shane, a guy that’s only an occasional wrestler be taking up a match with a guy that’s very high up on the card?

Shane McMahon vs. Kane

This is an ambulance match which is what you would think it is: get the other guy in the ambulance to win. JR says that Kane is crazier than an inbred hound dog. Does anyone ever wonder what his childhood was like? It certainly must have been quite the strange life. Before the bell rings Shane goes after Kane and knocks him over the ropes. The camera guy gets knocked too and the last thing we see is Kane upside down with his head about to slam into the concrete. It looked kind of scary.

JR calls this match barbaric. Odd, as I didn’t know that in barbaric societies they had baseball jerseys, audio commentary, wrestling rings, theme music, ambulances or pants. We immediately hit the weapons because Shane is rather limited to things that he can do with weapons, which makes sense because again, HE ISN’T A WRESTLER. Granted he’s a heck of an athlete though and I don’t think anyone would question that.

About a minute and a half in and Shane puts him through the table with the big elbow. That’s his signature move I’d think and he does it very, very well. Somehow though it’s lost a bit of its luster. McMahon gets Kane to chase him into the crowd as he’s clearly leading him on. I hate cock teases like that. Why lead someone into a bunch of other people? I have no idea what the point of that joke was so ignore it. It stopped being funny about two seconds after it.

They head into the back and Shane gets some shots in with a kendo stick which is his weapon of choice. Shane does something with a car but I’m not sure what it was. I think he put Kane in a security booth and rammed it but it’s hard to say. Well if nothing else it’s a cool idea. Oh yeah that was another problem: Shane kept coming up with more and more elaborate ways to try to hurt Kane, typically involving attempted vehicular homicide. Oh look Shane has his own ambulance.

They knock out another camera so the fans boo loudly since we can’t see anything. Ah there we are. Back in the arena they’re fighting near the ambulance because that’s the point of the match. I love matches like this that are chock full of psychology. In essence this is a casket match on wheels. In a cool spot, Kane is running Shane at the ambulance but Shane walks up the ambulance and spins off to the side before hooking a sick sounding DDT on the concrete. That was awesome.

Shane climbs up on top of the ambulance and launches the Coast To Coast dropkick at him. That was awesome. They fight inside the ambulance because that’s just so easy for the audience to see. Those big spots that I’ve mentioned are all that’s keeping this from being completely awful. The problem is that the ambulance is just a weird choice for a gimmick and in essence this is a hardcore match/street fight but with a different way to win.

It’s an ok fight, but it feels forced to me if that makes sense. Shane gets rammed into the ambulance about ten times before a tombstone on the concrete ends this. The tombstone was done really well done as Kane drops him as fast as he can and with the camera where it is you can’t tell if his head even comes close to hitting or not.

That’s the perfect way to do one of those and it worked really well at least for me. Of course we have to watch every single second of the ambulance leaving because the two minutes that it takes certainly can’t be used for anything else at all.

Rating: D+. There were some good bumps in there but this was really just a mess. No one wanted to see this and the gimmick was just ridiculous. They were in the ring literally zero seconds as they started fighting before the bell rang. And really, an ambulance? That’s the best they can come up with?

A last man standing match or something like that would have worked about 10x better here, but hey, we have flashy lights in this one! This was pretty bad with some cool bumps from Shane being the only bright spots.

Buy this Trish PPV and learn very little about her!

Lesnar says he didn’t lose tonight. We get the you tapped out chance and Brock blames his partners. How in the world did we never get Benoit vs. Lesnar but instead we got Lesnar Goldberg? Those two have a dumb moment of foreshadowing.

Coach comes out in a neck brace and I have a bad feeling about this. The Dudleys gave him the 3D to give him that, but he’ll be fine. My goodness this guy was annoying. He’s leaving but he sees Mark Cuban, the owner of the Dallas Mavericks in the front row. For those of you unfamiliar with him, Cuban is almost Vince McMahon in a legit sport. He’s loud, he’s defiant and he’ll do whatever it takes to win.

That being said, he’s a great thing for the NBA because he is so into games. Instead of sitting in some box somewhere sipping scotch, he’s in the fourth row behind the cheerleaders wearing a Mavs jersey. I like that. Anyway, Bischoff comes out and challenges Cuban to a fight. They talk about how tonight this is Bischoff’s building which given the whole deal with the Nuggets earlier this summer, this is a lot funnier. Anyway, he shoves Bischoff but takes an RKO.

We go to the back where Evolution is having a big party with champagne and women. Orton comes in to announce what he did but stops midsentence to hit on a girl and then finishes what he said. Apparently beating up Mark Cuban is the same as beating Goldberg, at least according to Flair. This was odd indeed.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Bashams vs. Los Guerreros

The Bashams were about as generic of a tag team as you could ever find. The only reason I liked them was they had the same names (Doug and Danny) as my uncles that I used to wrestle with as a kid. They have Linda from Tough Enough as a dominatrix type manager which is dumber than it sounds. This led to Eddie vs. Chavo at the Rumble which was pretty good. Other than that, nothing came of this.

Chavo is ticked at Eddie over buying some lie the Bashams made so there’s your basic heel idea here. Eddie gets the Three Amigos for two. Chavo comes in and there are no visible problems for the Latin dudes. Back to Eddie with them completely dominating. Eddie takes them both out and so much for that as they take him out.

Wow I forgot to mention this but the Bashams are defending here. This is just not interesting at all here as it’s in fast pace and you can feel that even four minutes into this we’re over halfway done. Eddie saves Chavo and hits a top rope rana so Chavo can get two. After Eddie is sent to the floor both Chavo almost falls victim to twin magic but they beat up Shaniqua instead. And then Chavo gets rolled up with tights for the pin.

Rating: D. This was just another match of the month for these belts. After last year’s mind blowing few months of title feuds, the belts yet again mean nothing with the Bashams being the token champions at the time. These belts got zero respect and no one cared at all, which is rather sad in my eyes.

We recap Austin vs. Bischoff, which there isn’t much to say about it. If Austin’s team wins then he can beat up anyone whenever he wants. If Bischoff’s team wins, Austin is fired. Austin doesn’t trust anyone but he has to trust his team here which is the main point of the story. Eric had fired Austin again but Linda had brought him back as a Co-Gm which lasted for a few months and surprised no one at all. It was still cool though to have Austin back on a regular basis.

Austin’s Team vs. Bischoff’s Team

Ross nearly makes me roll my eyes by starting a line about how this is the biggest match Austin has, but then instead of saying ever had, he says Never been in. That was a nice little save there and makes things sound much better. It got dangerously close to being clever. I’d like to try something here.

Mark Henry, Randy Orton, Christian, Chris Jericho, Scott Steiner
Booker T, Bubba Ray, D-Von, Shawn Michaels, RVD

Other than HBK and Orton, would you be able to tell which team is face and which is heel? That kind of goes to show you what’s happened to faces and heels in this generation. They change so often that it’s hard to tell who is on which side. Anyway, in case you can’t tell the first team of those two is Bischoff’s. They both come out as groups, and this seems a bit one sided. RVD is the IC Champion and the Dudleys are the tag champions on Raw.

Booker and Shaw are former world champions in their own right, and they’re against Christian who was nothing back then, Steiner who had a cup of coffee in the main event and is now in the midcard, Henry who is in another monster push that would fail, Orton was a midcard guy on his way up and Jericho was just a fairly high level jerk. Actually this is fairly even upon second glance. The heels hide for awhile because they’re heels and that’s what they do.

Austin and Jericho talk trash to each other before we get going. I wish there had been a show or two where it was nothing but Jericho, Rock and Foley insulting each other. That would have had me riveted. We finally get going. Jericho and Christian are in the middle of the double date with Trish and Lita story which culminated in Jericho turning face.

Somehow the first date with Trish prompts JR and Lawler to discuss Fabio of all people and get into a bizarre discussion/insulting segment where they talk about how stupid modern terms are. This was just out of left field and meant nothing at all to the match. I think JR forgot where he was for a moment, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Someone get him a shot of barbecue sauce before he can’t holler at the top of his lungs incoherently anymore!

D-Von and Christian start us off. That’s just an odd pairing to open a match for some reason. Half of these guys have been in ECW. That’s rather impressive for a company that never did anything allegedly. We shift over to Van Dam and Jericho who had traded the IC Title recently with Jericho having one of the shortest reigns of all time, winning and losing it on the same Raw. Steiner comes in and we have some Michigan vs. Michigan violence.

There’s number one on the Steiner F Bomb count. Van Dam counters with the worst stepover kick that I’ve ever seen. It was just awful. Granted Scott Steiner is in there so it’s likely his fault. Steiner is completely dominating here as Bubba is screaming like a crazy man on the apron at Van Dam to get out of there. I mean he’s clearly audible several times in this thing and I keep thinking he’s on a mic somewhere. That’s impressive.

Booker comes in to shake things up a bit but Scott manages to suck the life out of the match again in under 20 seconds. That might be a personal record for him. Booker gets a Scissors Kick and the Spinerooni. That sounds like nothing but Bischoff’s reaction to it of holding his head is ridiculously funny as you can see him thinking to himself what in the heck was I on when I told him that was a cool looking move?

Ross calls a very non Arn Anderson style spinebuster an Arn Anderson spinebuster because there’s clearly only one way to ever do that move. After a big brawl, Steiner gets the Steiner Recliner on Booker. I have to pause for a moment here. I don’t usually do this, but that might be the funniest looking thing in the history of professional wrestling. Steiner is standing over Booker, not sitting down at all with Booker on his knees without his arms over Steiner’s legs.

I truly and honestly feel sorry for Ross, Lawler and Booker here as they have to actually try and make that move seem painful. This is a great example of why Steiner is considered awful in the ring. That was just flat out embarrassing.

Anyway, Stacy gets up to try to get people cheering for Booker. She’s under contract to Steiner but hates it so there’s your explanation. Also, does anyone else besides me hate the one shoulder tops that Divas often wear? I’m talking about the ones where it looks like what Andre used to wear. I don’t know why but I can’t stand those things. The Dudleys save her from Scott with the belly to back into a neckbreaker move they do.

Ross calls it a reverse 3D. That’s so far from correct I don’t even know where to start. The Book End gets rid of Scott. Mark Henry who had been feuding with Booker runs in and the world’s dumbest finisher ends Booker to tie us up at four. We get Bubba vs. Henry now and I can feel wrestling devolving right in front of my eyes. Teddy Long is Henry’s manager at this point. The Dudleys hit the 3D from out of nowhere on Henry and a 5 Star ends him.

Not sure if I get the point of the double finisher but whatever gets him out of there makes me happy. We’re back to Jericho and RVD again which is fine by me. I don’t think Shawn has been in yet. RVD goes for the 5 Star or Orton but after a Jericho shove he gets hooked in an RKO. This is kind of dragging. Bubba is yelling again. He’s quite annoying. D-Von is beating up Orton.

That was odd to type. Jericho beats on D-Von for awhile and hits one of his about 8,000 finishers to beat him, and in this case it was a sleeper drop. Bubba is in now and is yelling even more. What in the world is his problem? Michaels is finally in and gets ZERO reaction. That’s just weird to hear. He gets Orton, which is one of those feuds that has been about a million times yet has never had a definitive match.

I don’t know why that’s the case but it’s very odd indeed. Bubba gets tagged in and cleans house. It always seemed like they wanted to make him into a big deal but it just never happened for him. He was by far a better choice than D-Von, but that’s not really saying a lot. It never worked and it doesn’t here as for some reason he’s fighting all three guys but Christian makes him Unpretty to set up Christian, Jericho and Orton against Shawn.

Austin isn’t sure what to think. You can tell Shawn is nervous here as he’s already on the flying forearm. This is reminding me of a match in a video game, which I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Shawn hits the post and goes to the ground to blade a bit. Christian does HBK’s pose as Becca wants to murder him and I’ve never been more proud of her. After a missed Unprettier, Christian charges into the boot for the pin.

Shawn just lays on him which is cool and odd looking at the same time. Both guys beat the living heck out of Shawn as we have Lawler playing cheerleader. He keeps screaming about how he almost believe Shawn can pull this off. That would be redone in two years but this one is FAR better.. Jericho beats on Shawn for a good while and eventually tries to get the Walls but Shawn rolls him up to get us down to Orton (who is coming to the ring on Raw as I write this) against HBK.

Lawler immediately screams I BELIEVE I BELIEVE I BELIEVE! The commentators are so stupidly biased that it’s ridiculous. Jericho pops Shawn with a chair before leaving. He’s bleeding insanely now. Orton goes up but misses a cross body and hits the referee. That used to be his finishing move. I think he made the right move with the change. For some reason Orton is down also despite having the referee to break his fall.

Bischoff comes in to break up the Sweet Chin Music which brings in Austin to beat him up and stun Orton. The two GMs go off for a, shall we say beating, allowing Batista to run in and hit the self named Bomb to put Austin out of the company. In a stunning (oh I slay myself) turn of events, Austin would be back in less than a month and a half. In an odd moment, Austin comes into the ring and checks on Shawn. He pulls HBK up and HBK says I’m sorry.

I guess he doesn’t love Austin though. Austin shakes his hand and they leave together. That was actually a cool moment. I like that they show Shawn respect there as they should and they humanize Austin a bit here. It’s something you don’t often see but it’s very nice. Austin comes back out to his original music and salutes the fans, which again is awesome. They really did try to make this a big deal, but naturally he would be back. I don’t think anyone ever really doubted that.

This really is a cool moment here as Austin looks legitimately upset. I don’t know if he knew he would be back or not, but if he did he deserves a low level acting award. He even says he loves the fans. Since this is a nice moment, Coach comes out singing the goodbye song accompanied by a team of security guards.

Naturally he beats up all five just for old time’s sake. We follow that with a massive beer bash to end this segment that went just long enough. He leaves two beers in the ring, maybe for Owen and Pillman as we fade out.

Rating: A-. I’m just grading the match here. It really was solid with the guys that needed to be gone first being gone first to leave us with the fop four guys in the match (arguably) to end it. That’s how good matches tend to go and they nailed it here. HBK looked great in this all match long and the story was there for him. It worked very well and was an excellent match. I’m not wild on the ending, but at least it fit the match, so I can’t really complain there.

Buy this book that claims to be a shoot without calling it that!

Cole and Tazz talk about the irony that both McMahon and Austin could have their careers ended tonight. We’ll ignore that Austin hadn’t wrestled in seven months and Vince never was a real wrestler. It is cool to hear Vince referred to as Austin’s arch nemesis. Tazz has to keep up kayfabe here though by saying that he’s a Smackdown guy and not a Raw guy but he is going to miss Austin anyway. That was just pointless.

Recap of Vince vs. Taker, which could have been done much better. Taker is at the very tail end of being the American with this being his last night in the character. Vince, as Brock’s ally, had helped him keep the title from Taker at No Mercy as for some reason he was afraid of Taker being champion. Taker had won a match on Smackdown where he could pick any match he wanted for Survivor Series.

Taker picked Buried Alive which had Vince very happy because he thought Taker meant against Brock for the belt, but Taker meant Vince, which was WAY cooler than I described. Taker, living up to his moniker of the conscious of the company, says that the day comes where you have to pay for your sins, even if your name is Vince McMahon. That’s actually a cool line. Tazz actually has key points to the match and a graphic to display them.

I’ve never seen that on a WWE show before. His keys are submissions, home field advantage and match experience, which make sense, or you could just say the most simple one: he’s the freaking Undertaker so he’s going to kill Vince. Oh those were just Taker’s keys. Vince’s are be mentally stable, be confident, and the third one which made me laugh: AVOID THE HOLE! You know I’ve been told that many times but people just keep coming back. I’ve never gotten that.

If Tazz did these for every big match his value would go WAY up. They were clichés, but they’re what an analyst is supposed to do. He offered his insights as an expert in the field (expert as in he’s a former wrestler and therefore likely knows a lot more than 99% of the viewers which is true) and while they were really self explanatory, they made him seem far more professional. I like that as it’s something no one ever does.

Vince McMahon vs. Undertaker

As I said, this is a Buried Alive match which Taker has been in all of I believe. The announcer goes through the rules of the match and once the bell rings announces again that it’s a Buried Alive match. Good to know that they’re covering us in case we forgot in the past 3 seconds or so. Apparently Vince has been talking about a higher power. Wasn’t he the higher power? So does that mean there’s a higher power to the higher power?

Would that make him the really higher power? Cole complains that it’s stupid to think there’s a higher power protecting Vince. Well that’s a little stupid to say. After about two punches Vince is gushing blood. That’s insanely fast time for a blade. Oh man there’s blood just dripping all over the place. That’s awesome. Or maybe it’s sick. I’m not sure but it looks great. Vince has had zero offense as you would expect.

With Vince bleeding all over, Taker beats on his knee. I don’t know how to make fun of that because it just makes zero sense here. The knee is something you work on when you need to keep them down. It’s just so out of place here that it makes no sense at all. We hit the table for awhile because we’re on PPV. Vince threatened to have Taker’s wife Sara raped and his home torched, because you know, that’s perfectly normal.

They also mentioned that Taker had kids, which is an odd choice indeed. Does Kane come babysit and teach them how to start fires using just your hands and a production assistant? Vince gets killed by a monitor shot to the head. That looked painful. This is just a beating by Taker as Vince has had zero offense and we’re about five minutes in. The fans are liking it somewhat though.

Perhaps in an effort to give Vince a chance to breathe, Taker goes to the grave and gets a shovel which naturally slams into Vince’s head. Cole says he’s a bloody mess formerly known as Vince McMahon. Did he get a name change that I missed? I’m fairly certain that’s still Vince McMahon.

With Vince dead, Taker tries to hurt his leg again. I really just don’t get this. What’s the point to working over a limb now? I know I complain about a lack of psychology a lot of the time but this is too much psychology.

Taker takes (oh shut up) him to the grave where Vince gets a three move combination of throwing dirt in Taker’s eyes, a low blow and a shovel shot somewhere near the chest/shoulder which naturally is called the skull. As I’m writing this I looked up at the review and realized it’s rather short, but there’s just nothing to really say here. It’s a beating of epic proportions with Vince literally having no offense or even defense until those three things.

Anyway, the shovel shot actually knocks Taker into the grave as only in wrestling can you get your face beaten for seven and a half minutes to hit one shot to tie things up and then take the lead. Taker of course pops out of the hole and casually pulls Vince in. He’s favoring his right arm which I think might be legit. Anyway he goes to open the door to the dump truck or whatever it’s called and an explosion goes off.

Looking at Taker’s elbow, he’s either cut REALLY bad on it from something or it’s from Vince’s head. Not sure which, but Kane comes out of the machine and knocks Taker into the hole and pulls Vince out. That’s a teaming that other than a short run in 98 never has been together that I recall. Vince gets in the machine as Cole says Taker is unconscious, despite being clearly awake after the explosion and when he was getting punched by Kane but why am I trying to make sense of this?

Tazz of course brings up that it makes no sense as Kane is a Raw guy. Ok, give me a break already. Are we really supposed to believe that Kane is just a random guy that has no history with Taker at all? It was one of the biggest and best feuds of the Attitude Era but it means nothing at all now because of the Brand Split? Yeah Tazz, keep trying to convince me of that. Vince buries him and for some reason this is STUNNING.

You know, since he’s only been buried what, three times now? Come on Cole give us a tiny bit of credit here. I love how just after it Cole recaps the match in about four seconds. This was the end of the American character as Taker would return at Mania as the Deadman to fight Kane in a glorified squash.

Rating: D. This is going to go one of two ways for a lot of people. About 90% of this is literally just Taker beating up Vince. If you like that, this is the greatest match of all time. The problem is it just gets boring after awhile, and the leg stuff makes less than zero sense.

I don’t think the plot about Kane was ever actually explained as it really was just kind of assumed that it made sense. Now to be fair it did, but a little explanation would be nice. Granted it’s Kane so the explanation wouldn’t have made sense anyway.

Following what should have closed the show, we recap HHH vs. Goldberg. HHH had ducked him for a few months, more or less cheating to keep the belt and when they finally had their match Goldberg took the title. HHH stole another storyline from Harley Race by offering a bounty to anyone that took him out. Batista cashed in as he returned from an injury and rejoined Evolution. He shattered Goldberg’s ankle which didn’t actually take him out because he’s still fighting tonight.

HHH asks Goldberg if Goldberg is getting nervous being champion yet. I love how WCW is forgotten more and more every day. We of course get a video of this set to the awful theme song for this show: Build a Bridge by Limp Bizkit. Where do they pick these songs from? Rarely do they make any sense in connection to the show.

Raw World Title: HHH vs. Goldberg

In a stat that blows my mind still, as of this show HHH has never won at Survivor Series. Hey, while we’re not talking about anything like the main event or something important, I’d like to take the time to say BUY ARMAGEDDON! Ross continues doing a good job by pointing out how often the title changes hands. I don’t get why they tried to change Goldberg. His music and tights are different.

Why? He was as simple of a concept as you could have and Vince messed it up. That’s just hard to do, but naturally since he’s from WCW he had to be changed. HHH is wearing shorts here because of a groin injury. Goldberg hits a spear on HHH before the bell and is walking around more or less fine despite having his ankle taped up.

In one of the dumbest spots I’ve ever seen, Goldberg takes him up in a gorilla press and after holding a 260lb man in the air for a few seconds only hurts his ankle when he turns him over. Come on now people, give us some credit for intelligence. They go to the floor with HHH working the ankle by putting it on the steps and slamming a chair onto it. Somehow the referee misses the sound that reverberates through the arena, but whatever.

I’m just trying to get to the end of this as so many HHH matches from this era were just flat out awful that there’s really no point in trying to make them work. Flair is drenched in sweat for some reason. I think that reason might be the fact that he’s Ric Flair.

He chokes Goldberg in that way that looks like he’s having a seizure and looks ridiculous, but to be fair most of what Flair did at this point look ridiculous. To say this match is boring is an insult to boring matches. There’s just nothing of note here. It’s HHH working on Goldberg’s leg and nothing more.

He hit one spear and a slam and other than that it’s been all HHH. We saw more or less a squash in the previous match. Why repeat the same formula in back to back matches? Oh look a half crab because what we really need here is an homage to Lance Storm. Actually that sounds far better than this. Oh wait Goldberg pulled HHH into the post. This could get…HHH no sold it of course.

Back in the ring, Goldberg does something that’s supposed to be a shoulder block I think, showing that true mastery of the finer points of wrestling that he possesses. The referee goes down because it’s a main event match and HHH gets some brass knucks from Flair. There’s no referee though, which seems to be way too big of a tradition at these shows. The kickout got ZERO reaction. I was surprised at that.

I would have thought they would have gotten at least something but there was nothing at all there. Sledgehammer is brought in of course and Goldberg gets the advantage. Flair is slammed off the top to continue a tradition and here comes Batista and Orton. Naturally the champion fights them all off and counters a Pedigree. We need tougher referees. These guys are out for hours off of a single shot. Get Crash Holly or someone like that.

He has the hammer but throws it away because his spear is more effective apparently. The standard two move combination ends this mess as my head is shaking. So let me get this straight. We have the best stable in about five years out there with more world titles between them than I can count, yet GOLDBERG GOLDBERG GOLDBERG (I had to do it once) is able to hold them all off.

Ok, you know what, I can actually believe that. Flair is washed up, HHH is in the match and Orton and Batista tried to fight him when he had a sledgehammer. I can go with that I suppose. But wait, Goldberg HAS A FREAKING BROKEN ANKLE! Just how ridiculous does that sound to you? He shouldn’t be able to walk yet he can fight off all four of them? Give me a break. On top of that, the referee didn’t notice them in the ring in that whole time? And people wonder why this era is considered horrible.

Rating: D-. This was just bad. Goldberg did all of five moves (therefore he’s still better than Cena) and keeps the belt with a broken ankle and fighting off Evolution. How in the world am I supposed to buy any of them, especially HHH, as credible ever again? He would win the title the next month in a triple threat involving Kane, which is just stupid as well. Whatever, at least this show is over.

Overall Rating: C-. I’m being very generous with that grade. This show just wasn’t all that great. It’s more or less just there. I mean the Austin and Bischoff match is by far and away the best on the show and the other Survivor Series match wasn’t that bad, but the rest of the show just doesn’t work that well. Taker’s gimmick change is of course huge, but the match wasn’t interesting at all. The main event was HORRIBLE.

I just wanted to end the show and that’s never good. You have some decent stuff here, but this show is the epitome of forgettable. Taker losing was big but the real impact wouldn’t be seen for about six months. This is like a preview for the upcoming year, which makes me wonder why this is considered a big show. Watch Austin and Bischoff’s match, but other than that this isn’t worth your time.

 

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Survivor Series 1993
Date: November 24, 1993
Location: Boston Gardens, Boston, Massachusetts
Attendance: 15,509
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan

So it’s a year later now and there are indeed a few changes. For one thing, Hogan is completely gone. He would appear in WCW in a few months time. Other than that, the evil Yokozuna is now world champion with Lex Luger being his main adversary. That’s your main event here tonight, as it’s the Foreign Fanatics vs. the All Americans. It’s a five match card that I remember very fondly for some reason.

There are some very good moments here along with some rather stupid ones. It’s an odd time for the company as they’re definitely in a transitional period here, with Yoko and Luger being the two main guys and Bret not far behind them. None of those three are incredibly huge stars at the moment, so this is a weird time for them. We’re back to the traditional Survivor Series formula though, so this should be a bit better than what we had in the very early 90s I guess. Let’s find out.

Before we get the standard intro, we see Vince and Bobby getting ready backstage. Vince says he smells bananas, which scares Bobby because it means Monsoon is around. He and Ross are doing Radio WWF tonight, which is either brilliant or very stupid and I’m not sure which. This would be Bobby’s last PPV before heading to WCW as well. The intro was an odd one with the skeleton of a building and the logo hanging from a crane. I have no idea what this was supposed to be.

Team IRS vs. Team Razor

Razor Ramon, Marty Jannetty, 1-2-3 Kid, Mr. Perfect
IRS, Adam Bomb, Diesel, Rick Martel

So the fourth man was supposed to be Mr. Perfect, but for some reason he’s gone. There are numerous reasons as to why he’s gone, but we’re not sure either way. Some say he was in rehab, some say he left due to steroid issues, some say he was hurt. We’re not sure either way, but he wouldn’t be seen again until Wrestlemania where he was supposed to start a feud with Luger, but he was gone after one appearance.

Anyway, Ramon says he has a substitute that has as much machismo as he does. Heenan says it’s some other punk, but as the music hits Heenan freaks out since it’s Randy Savage. The deal with Savage was that his friend Crush had gotten hurt by Yoko so he turned heel on Savage and beat the living heck out of him. Savage was TICKED and would do anything to get at Crush.

They would eventually have a last man standing match (kind of) at Mania. Crush was supposed to get a massive singles push but for some reason it never came. In the end that was a good thing because he was arrested and went to jail for a few years on weapons charges. Apparently Heenan called this sometime before and Vince says ok, ok you were right for once. FOR ONCE? Dag Heenan was great.

Oh yeah why are these people in this match. Shawn Michaels had been IC Champion but was suspended for failing a steroids test (which he to this day denies). To fill the void we had a battle royal with the last two people in it having a match and the winner of that won the IC belt.

Razor and Martel were your winners and then Razor won the title. Shawn kept his belt though so there were two belts. They were hung above the ring at Wrestlemania 10. You know the rest. As for the other guys, there’s no point to them being there. IRS and Razor had a mini feud that was blown off at the Rumble but that’s it.

Anyway, we start with Razor and Martel and Razor beats the tar out of him. Are you surprised? He tags out to Adam Bomb who I was always a mark for. He and Crush would later become Kronik in WCW. They do a test of strength and since he’s a heel, Bomb cheats. Oddly the bad guy is the face here. Anyway, Razor goes for a cover on Bomb but Martel runs in for a save with an elbow.

It hits Bomb and Harvey is kind of annoyed, so Martel hits him. Now we’ve got a big team brawl and for once, the faces let them fight. I’ve never gotten why they didn’t do that more often. When another team is fighting, why not let them do it and get a breather? Savage, being the only true big star on his team at that point, gets on the ropes and plays to the crowd here. And that is why Savage is better than anyone else in this match and better than most in history.

Old guys know how to get things done like that. See, today, most people have a chance like this and they just stand there. Savage, already getting hugs pops no matter what he does, plays to the crowd to try to get a bigger one. That sticks in people’s heads.

Instead of just sitting around doing nothing, he’s talking to the crowd, and there is nothing a crowd loves more than being acknowledged and being considered a small part of the match. It makes them feel special and the more a wrestler does that for them, the bigger star they’ll become.

Anyway, even Heenan acknowledges that this team might not work. Oh great it’s the 1-2-3 Kid against Adam Bomb. He might kill him. GO BOMB! Now Diesel gets to beat on him a bit. I’ve always liked Diesel. Savage gets tagged in to a huge pop. Heenan dubs him Captain Schizo. That’s just humorous. He beats up the heel team by himself, capping it off by slamming Diesel and hitting the elbow to pin him for the first elimination.

Vince says that this match has been confusing. Why is that? It’s been very simple to me at least. In a weird sequence, Savage uses a bunch of left handed clotheslines. That just looked odd. Heenan asks if Vince has ever cheated anybody. Vince says of course not. That needs no jokes whatsoever. At this point, Marty still hasn’t been in yet. Must be a bad coke attack or something. IRS and Martel switch while the referee is with Savage. Of course it is allowed.

Heenan asks if Vince wants to be WWF President. Why take the second best job? This has been pretty solid so far. As Savage is beating the tar out of IRS, Crush comes out. Savage hits the floor immediately and goes after him. While he’s distracted, IRS rolls up Savage to pin him. Crush leaves and Savage chases him off. He goes into the back and we stay with Savage for THIRTY SECONDS.

Dude, you know there is that pesky little match going on out in the ring? You might want to take a look at it. I guess not. I know it doesn’t sound long, but missing thirty seconds of a match is a long time. Think about it like this: Hogan picked up Andre and pinned him inside of 30 seconds. Yeah that’s not important though. We’re back now with Bomb against Jannetty. A Razor’s Edge takes out IRS. For those of you keeping score, it’s Jannetty, Kid and Razor against Martel and Bomb.

We get a big brawl as Razor goes for another Edge, but IRS hits Razor in the ribs with the briefcase. He gets counted out as a result. We now get Kid against Martel, and naturally Kid gets a lot better against a smaller guy. Apparently you beat him by putting out some cookies and milk. He’ll run out and you beat him. Heenan is so brilliant it’s unbelievable. Now it’s standard heel dominance with the faces looking for the hot tag.

That’s very basic but very good at the same time. Jannetty comes in finally and beats up Martel for awhile and then tags in Kid, which makes limited sense but I’m no drug addled professional. Kid pins Martel with a sunset flip and then Marty gets Bomb with one as well about 12 seconds later to win it. That was a fun finish.

Rating: B. This was a fun match. It’s not great, but it’s entertaining and it made sense. The faces won with quickness over the power team and Savage dominated. Also Razor, the singles champion in there, saved face and set up a bigger feud with IRS. That is what these things are supposed to do. Overall, this was fun and it worked quite well, making it a very good opener and a good sign for this show.

Todd is with Shawn, who says he’s the real IC Champion and then he insults Bret and his family. This is miles better than last year as he’s finally got the Heart Break Kid character down. We go to an interview with the Harts from earlier in the day. Ray Combs, a game show host, is the special celebrity here doing the interview.

He’s far less annoying than the majority of these people. For some reason Stu is wearing a Detroit Pistons jacket for no apparent reason here as the show is in Boston. That’s just odd. Shawn says he’ll take out Stu if he gets in the way. Remember that line.

Before we go to the ring, we have a short interview with the winners of the previous match, minus Macho.

Hart Family vs. Shawn/Knights

Bret, Keith, Bruce, Owen
Shawn Michaels, Blue Knight (Greg Valentine), Red Knight (Barry Horowitz), Black Knight (Jeff Gaylord/Glenn Jacobs)

We’re actually not sure who the Black Knight is. If it’s Jacobs, that’s Kane. If it’s not, then this is his career highlight. This was supposed to be Jerry Lawler, but he was up on rape charges (the girl admitted she made the whole thing up), so they threw Shawn in and tried to make it based on the match from last year, which is at least an attempt at a story. Combs does the introductions here, and is ok I guess.

He does some standard jokes about HBK, but this goes on WAY too long and the fans just aren’t interested. It’s not as bad as Kid Rock at Mania, but it’s pretty bad. It goes on about 5 minutes, which is FAR too long for this. We’re at 10 minutes for the intros alone. This is just stupid. Bret is wearing pink. Only he can pull that off. Combs does commentary for the match as well. Heenan is in top form here insulting the Harts.

Monsoon reminds me of my uncle for some reason. We start out with Bruce, so you can tell what this is going to be. He’s a history teacher. Oh dear. Keith, the fireman, comes in. This cracks Heenan up. We see the problem here very easily: the two unknown Hart aren’t very good. All they know how to do is an armbar here and there. It’s just rather boring. Seriously, were Neidhart and Bulldog not available? They would be about a million times better here.

Heenan keeps talking about how Owen is in the shadow of Bret. That would turn into one of the best heel turns I can ever remember. Black Knight in now and Owen kicks his teeth in too. Now we have Bret against the Blue Guy. Heenan keeps teasing that he knows who the Knights are. When asked about the Blue Knight, he says that he’s either the Blue Knight or Bob Barker. This is being written two days after Barker hosted Raw, so that cracked me.

Why are the two unknown brothers wrestling most of this match? Seriously, that’s just stupid. The commentary is by far and away the best part of this match. Combs is pretty good actually. Granted he has no clue what’s going on, but his timing and enthusiasm are there. That’s all I ask: at least pretend you want to be there. Check out Pamela Anderson at the 95 Rumble. She hates the whole thing and is there for a paycheck. I have no interest in celebrities like that, no matter what they look like.

We get a big brawl and the Black Knight is pinned by a top rope dropkick from Owen. Ray thinks it’s over, and I have no issue with that because he’s energetic. He genuinely seems like he wants to be there, and I’m fine with him being a bit off if that’s the case. I’ve never gotten the point of them mentioning that a show is live when we’re watching it. It’s like a commercial for the show you’re watching. You’ve already hooked us, so we don’t need it again.

Vince: Bobby Heenan, you’re a bad man. That sums it up perfectly I’d say. Heenan reminds Vince that this is Survivor Series and Vince says he knows what it is. I wonder if he wanted to say “I know what it is, I invented it you fat blowhard!” Ok, now Keith has been in there forever, and we’re back to the stupid part. He’s been in there like 5 minutes and it’s been all arm work. Why not instead use one of the best sellers of all time?

Oh yeah because it would make SENSE! Heenan makes another great point: the Harts don’t look alike. He’s very right actually. Make that seven minutes. FINALLY a missed Rocket Launcher and Bret gets in to breathe some life into this thing. Red Knight is tapping in about 10 seconds and it’s 4-2. Bret is knocked to the floor and Keith goes over to check him. That makes sense since he’s been beaten on for about 8 minutes and is more or less one armed at this point.

I guess Owen and Bruce were busy? On the floor Stu is trying to rub his arm back into socket, which for once makes sense from a manager. Heenan gets in my favorite line of the match: “Hey, you wanna know who the Blue Knight is?” Vince says he would like to. “He’s the guy in the ring that just dropped an elbow on Bret Hart.” Vince walked right into that one.

FINALLY we have Bret vs. Shawn, 18 minutes into the freaking match. Yep this just makes so much sense. That’s the theme of this match: how much sense can we make? Heenan makes an America’s Most Wanted reference. Combs says Bobby could star on America’s Most Unwanted. We have a rival for Heenan. Shawn does indeed go after Stu, and he gets POPPED. I don’t mean some love tap, I mean Stu smacks the taste out of Shawn and the crowd is into this all of a sudden.

That was awesome and makes up for the rest of this match. Shawn sells it at an amazing level of course since that’s what he does. That was great. Even Heenan kisses up to Stu for a bit. That’s all the proof you need right there. Owen Sharpshooter ends the Knights and it’s 4-1. Immediately, Shawn hits a big kick on Bruce, which is now known as Sweet Chin Music. However, here it doesn’t work.

Wow, Bruce has a tougher chin than Bret. Maybe we had the wrong Hart all along. Bret comes in and beats on him but gets poked in the eye. He tags Owen but walks on the apron for no apparent reason. Shawn sends Owen into the ropes and therefore into Bret who knocks down the railing. Owen is concerned and rolls Shawn up to make it 3-1. The Harts beat on Shawn for awhile after Owen is FREAKING out on him.

They beat Shawn up really badly as Stu tries to calm him down. I have never gotten what Owen’s problem was here. He got pinned. His team still won, and it was his fault that he hit Bret. He didn’t have to look down at him. Anyway, Shawn bails and the celebration is on. Owen comes back and yells at the Harts who leave without them.

This was the beginning of the Owen heel turn, which was excellent on so many levels, with the biggest one ever being Owen pinning Bret clean in the best opening match of all time at Wrestlemania 10. The feud would continue at the Rumble, with Bret trying to get Owen his first championship by teaming up with him to fight for the tag titles.

Bret wrestled with a knee injury and they actually stopped the match for it. Owen was ticked and beat Bret up for it, which was the first time I agreed with a heel. It was Bret’s fault, not Owen’s. Oh yeah this match is over by the way. I’m just rambling on.

Rating: D+. This was just flat out BORING. It’s about 75% armbar. It’s a Chris Jericho joke apparently. Keith and Bruce were just flat out boring out there with no real offense at all, which is fine in that they hadn’t wrestled in years. That brings the question: WHY HAVE THEM? Seriously, all of the Harts are wrestlers. Were they all retired? Honestly, Neidhart at least would have made sense here. He’s a half brother and more importantly: HE WAS PASSABLE IN THE RING.

There’s history with him and Bret, and while he would play a role later in the angle, that wasn’t for almost a year. Seriously, they could have fit him in with him siding with Owen over this part of the feud. I don’t get it at all. Anyway, the match was just boring and it didn’t work that well. Shawn vs. Bret was good, but that’s all there was worth watching.

Gorilla and Ross are on commentary now.

We now get a random recap of the main event, despite there being two matches before that. Tatanka, who was undefeated for about two years got beaten up by Borga and Yoko to knock him out. He got replaced by a certain someone that I’ll get to at the time of the match.

To retaliate, Luger eliminated Pierre, which is somehow dumber than Luger is, so there we are. Pierre got replaced by Crush, which makes even less sense since he’s an American and was injured by the heels in the first place, but then again I’m no professional.

Smokey Mountain Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. Heavenly Bodies

Now this is a real headscratcher for about 10 reasons. Where to begin? Let’s see. For one thing, the Smokey Mountains are nowhere NEAR Boston. Second, what is Vince getting out of this? Cornette I suppose. Third, why aren’t we seeing the WWF Tag Titles defended here? Fourth, it’s freaking SMW. That just makes no sense. Fifth, why are Ross and Gorilla doing the commentary here?

Anyway, this is a very old school style match with the standard Midnights vs. RNRE formula: faces dominate early, heels take over and beat on Morton FOREVER until the hot tag and the very fast paced stuff from the Express and then the finish. Yeah I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s the generic yet great formula from the RNRE that made them and the Midnights the best act in the world. If you like modern tag wrestling, those four are who you have to thank for it.

It’s a very solid match of course, but it would have been perfect if it was Lane and Condrey or Eaton over there instead. The Bodies were a team that the WWF tried to make cool but they just never could pull it off. SMW was Cornette’s big attempt at running his own company and he did pretty well considering what he was up against. For one thing, wrestling was just bad when he tried to do it, but it ran nearly five years and he did pretty well with what he had.

Heck he’s got matches on Survivor Series. Anyway, this was the big feud in SMW, and while there it was the feud of the promotion, here’s it’s four guys that no one knows wrestling, and that’s the problem. No one knows these people and for the most part, no one cares. Boston has always been a WWF town, so this old school mentality and style is lost on them.

It’s a great match, but they just don’t get it and a big part of that is due to the wrestlers. It’s like Japanese wrestlers in America. If the people don’t get it, they’re not going to care. Anyway, after about 15 minutes, Cornette hits Gibson with the racket to give the Bodies the belts. Yeah that’s about it.

Rating: B. This was good, but like I said, the lack of anything close to recognition really hurt this one. The match is great, but most people that aren’t old school fans won’t like it. That hurt here too as the crowd only popped for big spots, which is fine for the most part, but they just sounded bored. That’s not fine.

The faces say that they’ll win tonight.

Four Doinks vs. Headshrinkers/Bastian Booger/Bam Bam Bigelow

Oh this isn’t going to be pleasant is it? The Four Doinks are Men on a Mission and the Bushwakers instead of you know, Doink and three other guys. Yeah that’s what we’re dealing with here. Doink is injured so we get these four. I have no idea which one is the most talented. Actually I don’t think any of them have talent so we’ll skip that part. Oh boy this is going to suck badly. Oh look it’s a comedy match. The Bushwackers have balloons.

Ooo good boy Samu bite them! Wait, what? He bit a balloon with water in it and it surprised him, leading to him getting rolled up. Ok, reasons why this is stupid. He’s a freaking savage and he’s scared of water? Second, couldn’t he see the water or feel the balloon actually weighing something? Booger comes in and beats on the faces for awhile and….there’s a banana peel in the ring. I’m pausing now to take some deep breaths.

There is no way that could happen is there? They couldn’t actually be planning on doing what I think they’re planning on doing could they? Someone tell me that’s not what they’re planning to do. I need to hear someone say it. Ok thank goodness: Booger just got pinned by a big splash instead.

That’s at least reasonable coming from the big fat tub of goo known as Mable. And Fatu just slipped on the banana and got pinned. That does it. Screw this. I have better things to do with my time than review a circus. Keep laughing Vince. I won’t be able to hear you.

Rating: N/A. I review wrestling. This wasn’t wrestling.

Cornette and the heel team have something to say. Cornette cuts perhaps the best promo I’ve ever heard him cut as he talks about the Foreign Fanatics’ strategy for tonight. He says that they see the face team as one man because they’re a unit. The Steiners are the heart of the team. If you take away a man’s heart, he has no energy or desire to do anything. The Undertaker is the mind of the team.

If you take away a man’s mind, he’s dazed and confused. Luger is the soul of the team. And if you take away a man’s soul, then you’ve defeated him. And that my friends, is why Jim Cornette is one of the best talkers of all time. Oh and Johnny “Raven” Polo is in the background. Dang talk about a character change. He would be Raven in less than a year.

Vince decides to give a clichéd history themed intro to this match. Yeah this is dumb.

Foreign Fanatics vs. All Americans

All Americans: Luger, Steiners, Undertaker
Foreign Fanatics: Yokozuna, Ludvig Borga, Crush, Jacques Quebecer (yes that’s what they call him)

First of all, since I love it so much, here’s the way the All Americans replaced Tatanka.

No real reason for that. I just really like it. Anyway, onto the match itself. After about 8 minutes of introductions (my least favorite part of these shows), we’re ready to go. Borga comes out to Nikolai Volkoff’s music. That might be the other way around. I’m not sure. In case I haven’t explained, the feuds were supposed to be Luger vs. Yoko, Tatanka vs. Borga and Steiners vs. Quebecers, which at least makes sense.

Due to either injuries or Vince being really high one night, this is what we’ve got instead. Heenan sees a sign that says Yokotuna. I’ve been calling him that for years and have never been able to figure out where I got it from. Now I have my answer. I knew there was a point to me watching this all over again. We start with more stalling as no two want to start. Scott and Pierre finally start us off. The heels have Fuji, Polo and Cornette at ringside.

In other words we have WWF, NWA and ECW out there. Well no one can say they didn’t incorporate everyone. Pierre offers a handshake and Scott gives the screw you sign. Yep Scott is a great role model. Yoko is world champion here which is pointed out as he comes in. Rick manages to knock him to the floor which is actually surprising. Ludvig comes in now and Rick manages to beat him up. Naturally since Rick is doing well, he gets eliminated about 20 seconds later.

Upon further review though, I think this was a legit injury. He hits a top rope shoulder block and Borga just kind of flips him over and pins him. You can tell Vince is surprised too. Yeah he’s limping out after nothing was done to his lower body so I’m thinking he pulled something.

In the main event with a guy dominating even the WWF isn’t dumb enough to get rid of him after just five minutes. Yeah that was a legit injury. It was WAY too fast to have been planned that way. Given the stalling now to buy time for Rick to get out of there, yeah I’m convinced this is an injury. Just to reiterate: I think it was a legit injury.

Scott hits a pretty nice double underhook suplex on Crush. We get word that Savage is back in the building. Is that really surprising? He was there earlier, so why would it be odd that he’s back? Yep here he comes. While this is happening, Crush picks up Scott and just drops him over the top rope. That was sick. They get Savage out and say he’s out of the building. I’ll be checking my watch now to see how long it takes him to get back. My bet is three minutes.

Heenan talks about how Fuji has turned Crush into a heel and that he can see some gold in his future. That likely would have happened had it not been for…some unknown reason. Initially he was supposed to have Luger’s role but I guess they thought Crush wasn’t ready or something and this is what you got instead. Dang it was only two minutes. Scott (called the Steiner) sends him to the floor and Crush goes after Savage.

This gets him counted out as the crowd is completely insane for this. This was begging for a big time cage match. Why in the world Savage was turned into a big bunch of nothing instead of the top face is beyond me. He clearly was still able to go as he would be winning world titles nearly seven years after this and he was WAY over, but I guess he was hanging out with Stephanie too much around this time and if you don’t get that reference, look it up.

Now it’s Pierre vs. Scott as Luger or Taker haven’t been in yet. Pierre gets a three by mistake but they say it was a two which anyone that can see or hear could tell you was incorrect. Vince keeps calling them the Quebecer and the Steiner. Luger finally comes in and an elbow from the second rope puts Pierre out. It’s 3-2 now if you’re keeping score. We get word that Savage has been throw out again and just as I’m getting ready to type it, Heenan asks how he keeps getting in. Is he Batman?

He suggests that Savage hangs out in the rafters. No Bobby that wouldn’t be for about 4 more years. Steiner and Borga have a decent battle as there is still no Taker in this match, which I guess makes something close to sense: save your big gun for the end. Steiner wants to try the Frankensteiner. Yeah that was just freaking stupid. He gets hit by a massive leg drop to end him and make it 2-2.

Luger and Yoko start with the rematch from Summerslam. The idea is that Luger isn’t allowed to have a rematch no matter what. Eventually he gets a rematch if he can win the Rumble, which he ties in. That could have been a great story if he ever actually won the title. It became like Jeff Hardy for awhile, but the difference was that Jeff finally won the freaking belt and gave us the awesome moment.

Luger never had that moment and it made the rest look bad by comparison. Heenan is asked where he gets his material and he says open your eyes. That’s just odd. After Yoko misses a splash, Luger makes the big tag to Taker and the fans are FREAKING OUT. A swinging DDT nearly kills Yoko and Borga nails him to try to break the momentum. Taker turns and just smacks him as if to say boy please I’m the dead man.

The big belly to belly gets nothing as Taker sits up to another huge pop. If you want to know one of the biggest reasons for why Taker got over, it’s called Bobby Heenan. He was awesome with putting him over. Yoko hits the Banzai then goes for a second and Taker sits up again. It’s just awesome all around as even Heenan can’t talk. Think about that for a second.

They fight to the floor, which is to say Taker beats on him for a bit longer as we get the inevitable double count out and we have our Royal Rumble main event. So it’s now one on one and I think you know the drill. It’s more or less a six minute match with the usual interference and the forearm ends it.

Yeah there’s nothing more to say about this. Just like last year, it starts to snow and freaking Santa Claus comes out. I have never gotten what they were going for with this and I think this was the last time that they did it which is likely a good thing.

Rating: C-. It was long and rather dull, but it did what it was supposed to do in advancing the stories. Luger beats Borga clean and Taker vs. Yoko is set. Also the fans went home happy and Luger looks big and invincible again so I can’t really complain. It could have been better but it certainly could have been worse so we’ll say it’s just below average.

Overall Rating: C+. There’s some good and some awful on here, so we’ll say it balances out. Some people would love this and some would hate it. I thought it was ok, but the comedy match was just a disgrace and the main event was just ok. The first match and the tag match were solid enough though.

There are definitely moments here where you’ll be bored out of your mind but there are moments where you’ll be entertained, which I think slightly outweigh the bad. That’s good enough for a mild recommendation I guess. It’s nothing special and it’s not horrible I suppose, but don’t expect to be blown away.

 

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Ring of Honor
Date: November 12, 2011
Location: Davis Arena, Louisville, Kentucky
Commentators: Kevin Kelly, Nigel McGuiness

It’s the final final week of the tapings from the first batch of Louisville shows. They’ve taped five more weeks so they have a lot more material ready. The main event tonight is the House of Truth vs. the American Wolves so we have some stories going on here. There isn’t much else to say here so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s tag team stuff where it’s really hard to tell if the Briscos are faces or heels. I know they’re supposed to be heels but it’s really not clear.

Bravado Brothers vs. Young Bucks

The Bravado Brothers are controversial don’t you know. If you don’t know, Kelly will tell you. Their names are Lancelot and Harlem. Ok then. The Bucks are Generation Me and we get a reference to them being “disrespected” by Booker T at the WWF taping. The Bravados look a bit flamboyant which you should get the meaning of in wrestling speak. Harlem vs. Nick to start us off with Harlem hammering away.

The Bucks take over with their arm work but the problem comes down to the same thing I believe Lance Storm says: they look like they’d be better suited to date a 15 year old than to beat up grown men. The Bucks clear the ring and at least have better looking attire than what they had in TNA. Lancelot takes over with an axe kick and a blue thunder bomb for two on Matt.

There’s a bicycle kick as I’m pretty much just guessing which of these guys is which. Harlem (thank you Kevin) hits a big flip die to take out both of the Bucks, getting two on Jeremy (I can’t remember their ROH names or their TNA names. Does it really matter?). A double team move gets two on let’s say Nick. The Bravados are Native Americans so we hear about great Native American wrestlers like Jack Brisco and Wahoo McDaniel and Tatanka. Kelly: “Don’t laugh!”

Nick does his speed dives and the Bucks take over. They hit More Bang For Your Buck (rolling fireman’s carry slam followed by a 450 followed by a moonsault) for the pin on Harlem at 6:10. The finishing sequence is cool but I still have no idea what their names are, which probably isn’t a good thing.

Rating: C. Fun match but ROH has no right to EVER complain about WWE guys having cookie cutter personalities. These guys all look alike and I have no idea what their names are, nor do I have and desire to learn. This being pretty short with the right idea as it kept the high spots in the right span of time and the match was fine for what it was.

The tag champs say they’ll beat the Briscos. Here’s the All Night Express who says they’ve been forgotten about. I think that’s because the Briscos beat them in back to back matches. Kenny calls the WGTT a couple of ducks. Never let him near a mic again. Please. Titus says nothing of note. What in the world was the point of this segment?

Time for Inside ROH to waste more time. This time it’s about Kevin Steen, whom we’ve needed an explanation about for awhile now. We see him turning on his partner El Generico and how Steve Corino was the one pulling his strings. They feuded a bunch of times and had a career vs. mask match where Generico beat him.

Since a contract means nothing in wrestling, Steen wants to come back now. Corino realized the error of his ways and tried to mentor people. Steen came to a show (Best in the World, which I think we’ve seen in its entirety given how much they’ve shown from it) to apologize. And of course he beat up everyone in the ring at the time, namely Corino. Steen tried to beat up the owner at some show but is now threatening to sue Cornette. The whole contract thing really does mean nothing in wrestling does it?

More talking as Lethal says Mike Bennett needs to stop saying he beat Lethal.

Steve Corino says there’s a monster in the form of Kevin Steen and Corino just needs five minutes of Cornette’s time.

Video on Roderick Strong vs. Kyle O’Reilly from a few weeks ago as this feud takes forever to get anywhere.

Michael Elgin/Roderick Strong vs. American Wolves

Here’s ANOTHER break before the match. It’s a brawl to start as we have a ton of time on this show. That’s just what I want: a long Davey Richards match. Richards is sent to the floor and I think we’re starting with elgin vs. Edwards. Richards goes up and hits a missile dropkick for two. Off to the champ and it’s time for strikes! Off to Elgin as McGuiness admits that Richards isn’t much of a draw.

Edwards gets beaten down for awhile but it’s off to Richards who kicks more. Would a headlock be too much to ask for? A Tajiri Elbow is countered into Abyss’ Shock Treatment backbreaker for two. Off to Elgin and Richards shrugs off a bunch of chops and punches. Strong hits a dropkick to take over and it’s back to Elgin. Richards sends both guys to the floor and it’s a blind tag to Edwards. Here are stereo dives to take the heels out as we run down house shows.

Back in and Eddie hits a bad enziguri to Strong for two. An over the shoulder Stunner hits and it’s off to a half crab which Edwards calls an Achilles hold for some reason. They fight to the apron and Strong drops him down onto the apron with a belly to back suplex. After a break Elgin is suplexing Edwards. Powerslam gets two. Edwards gets a double knee smash to both guys and it’s off to Richards.

RICHARDS USES SOMETHING OTHER THAN A STRIKE!!! I need my medicine! Kelly puts over ROH as the real wrestling company as Richards rolls through to an ankle lock because that’s his finishing move even if it makes no sense from a psychology perspective. A German gets two on Elgin. The Wolves go up but both miss and a sidewalk slam gets two for Elgin.

Edwards is down from being shoved off the top and the idiot fans say this is awesome. Elgin picks up both Wolves at once and slams them down to put all four guys down. They slug it out (of course) and the ROH fans all drool over how stupid these strikes are. The Wolves hit a pair of double stomps off the top for two on Elgin. An ankle lock doesn’t beat Elgin again and we miss whatever big move Elgin hits as the camera was on Edwards and Strong. Martini tries to cheat as Elgin has Richards pinned. The same thing happens while Edwards chokes Elgin out. Richards gets the pin at 18:08.

Rating: C-. I know I’ve said this a million times, but I can’t stand Richards and this striking style that is all he knows how to do. This was nearly a 20 minute match and the world champion used a total of 3 moves that weren’t strikes of some kind. Are you kidding me? This guy is supposed to be the best in the world? If I wanted to watch striking, I’d watch a karate fight. There’s a lot more to wrestling than striking, but ROH and Edwards in particular can’t comprehend that.

Overall Rating: D. This was one of the worst put together TV shows I’ve seen in a very long time. I mean, what were they thinking when they put this together? ROH needs to get it through their heads that they have an hour a week and that you can’t have these twenty minute matches and 15 minute talking segments every show. It’s a bad used of your TV time as you could easily fit another match in there instead. But hey, we got STRIKES right?

Results
Young Bucks b. Bravado Brothers – More Bang For Your Buck to Harlem
American Wolves b. Michael Elgin/Roderick Strong – Richards pinned Elgin after a dragon sleeper

 

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Unforgiven 2005
Date: September 18, 2005
Location: Ford Center, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Attendance: 8,000
Commentators: Jonathan Coachman, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This is the return of the Unforgiven series and we have a match that people would be drooling over today in the main event: Cena vs. Angle for the title. The idea is simple: Cena is champ, Angle went on a tear as the best in the world and the question is can Cena beat him. Why we’re in Oklahoma City for a PPV is beyond me but I guess it’s a JR thing. Let’s get to it.

The opening video is exactly what you would expect: no one is forgiven, tonight we’re all unforgiven, whatever.

Intercontinental Title: Ric Flair vs. Carlito

They gave away the ending of this weeks in advance, talking about how this was the one title Flair had never won. Carlito spat apple on Flair to set this up. Feeling out process to start and Flair takes him over with a headlock. Coach and Lawler argue hair and Carlito struts a bit. Flair really likes that hammerlock as he’s used it three times now. DANG that was a loud chop.

Flair chops away some more and this really isn’t that entertaining of a match. Could it be that one of the people in it was born in the 40s? Carlito sends him to the floor and goes after the arm. The shoulder goes into the post on the floor as we’re told Flair left dinner last night at 9pm. Hey I need something to fill in this space. Back in the ring it’s more arm work and Carlito pounds away with left hands.

There’s the backdrop and Flair lands on his shoulder as always. Single arm DDT gets two. Flair fires back and drops the knee. There’s another LOUD chop and Flair goes up. Dude, seriously, you’re smarter than this. IT ACTUALLY WORKS!!! Flair hits the chop (JR calls it a clothesline for some reason) and the fans give him a standing ovation. That’s hilarious. Flair goes up again and gets caught in a dropkick to keep the universe from exploding. Carlito goes off and gets the apple and we get a unique ending. Flair punches Carlito, making him choke on the apple so that the Figure Four can give him the title.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible match here and the majority of it was fun, but Flair winning a title at 56 or however old he is here isn’t something I can really get behind. There are so many people that could have won it but instead we get a tribute to him for….what exactly? It’s not horrible but I really don’t get this decision at all.

Flair gives an acceptance speech. He says it means as much as any of the 16 world titles. He gets two plants out of the audience to party with him.

Carlito has nothing to say and Flair gets more women.

Lita is in the back with Edge and they talk about how long she was cheating on Matt. Sex is implied.

Torrie Wilson/Victoria vs. Ashley Massaro/Trish Stratus

Torrie and Victoria are in some stupid Diva heel stable with Candace Michelle who would hook up with Vince for like 5 minutes. Trish is returning from an injury that kept her out for five months. Naturally they let her keep the title that whole time. Ashley is making her PPV debut here and we start with Trish vs. Victoria which is easily the best possible pairing. Off to Ashley and things get bad quickly.

Torrie and Candace cheat and Victoria hits a slingshot legdrop. Thankfully we’re letting Trish get the hot tag later which is by far the best possible idea. Off to a chinlock for a bit and then it’s time for Torrie vs. Ashley, which I don’t think anyone wants to see. Well, no one under the age of 22 that is. The nice girls do the unseen tag thing and Victoria beats on Ashley a bit more. She goes up and gets crotched before it’s hot tag to Trish. Trish does her usual stuff but throws in a spinebuster to mix things up. The Chick Kick ends Victoria.

Rating: D-. Trish in shorts is always a good thing but the match was just worthless. Ashley just wasn’t any good but was here because someone thought she looked good or whatever. The match was nothing and I’m sure everyone knew that was going to be the case. The heel Diva team never did anything and again, I don’t think anyone expected them to do anything.

Flair, who hasn’t even had a shower, has a bottle of champagne and is getting into the limo with the girls. They get in but Flair stays behind and pulls out some pills, and yes…..Naitch has discovered Viagara.

ZZ Top is here.

Big Show vs. Snitsky

One of the dangers of doing these reviews is running into matches like this one with zero backstory at all. I’m really hoping we get an explanation here because I don’t think I’m going to be able to make myself care about it otherwise. Ok so apparently Snitsky jumped Show with the bell but we get cut off by a brawl so we have to stop the flashback. Show throws him around with ease so Snitsky tries to walk.

Show does the SHHH bit and Snitsky is in trouble. Well it worked well the first time so let’s do it again. Show’s charge into the post misses and he clotheslines the steel. We actually go to the flashback while Snitsky has a hold on Show. It’s an armlock so at least he’s thinking. Snitsky manages a belly to back suplex which was pretty impressive. It only gets two but still it looked good.

Snitsky can’t keep him down so he goes back to the arm because that’s worked so well thus far. Ok so that is actually good psychology but it’s a little boring, especially when we know Snitsky has about as much chance as I do of beating Big Show. Show grabs a spinebuster out of nowhere and both guys are down. Show NIPS UP (holding the rope but still) and I think you know what’s coming now. Splash in the corner sets up the chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: C. This was under seven minutes and that’s the best thing that could have happened to it. They just did power stuff and the arm worked helped it a little bit. It’s not a good match or anything but it could have been a lot worse, which is why the keeping it short was a great thing. Snitsky was pretty worthless after his debut feud with Kane though.

Show clocks Snitsky with the bell post match in a pretty heelish move. Then he does it again.

There’s steam on the windows of Flair’s limo.

We recap Masters vs. Michaels. Masters was new at this point and did the Masterlock Challenge and Michaels couldn’t break the hold.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Kerwin White

White is Chavo Guerrero who is a golfer and I kid you not, a guy that is very proud of being a middle class white guy. His theme song is about picket fences and soccer moms. He would soon get a caddy named Nick Nemeth who is currently known as Dolph Ziggler. Kerwin’s catchphrase during this period: “If it’s not White, it’s not right.” I mean….WOW. Also, I kid you not, he’s fighting Shelton because Shelton isn’t white. Are you starting to get why people weren’t thrilled with this era?

Shelton rips the sweater off White and the beating is on for the blonde Guerrero. Yes he’s blonde here. Nothing going on to start until Shelton misses a shot and White goes after the knee. Kerwin hooks what we would call the Brock Lock and we intentionally cut to Spanish commentary for some reason. More leg work gets a two count and a Chavo Sucks chant. White charges into a Samoan Drop and both guys are down.

A slugout is won by Shelton who gets two on a backbreaker. Shelton’s leg is ok enough to go up now but he gets crotched. Even the announcers point out how stupid going up there was. Kerwin hits a superplex for two. There’s a half crab to eat up a few seconds. Shelton rolls through into a catapult and White grabs the golf club (wasn’t this a PG show?) but walks into Shelton’s T-Bone Exploder suplex for the pin.

Rating: C-. Shelton was awesome at this point and was probably on the roll of his life but would get lazy and stuck in the midcard forever. Not bad here but the White gimmick was just freaking horrible. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea but they need to be dragged outside and put into that gimmick themselves. That’ll teach them.

Matt says mean things about Lita and recaps the feud with Edge. Matt and Lita dated in real life and she had a real life affair with Edge, setting up this feud. It’s pretty easily the high point of Matt’s singles career and this is probably his biggest match ever. He kept running in on Edge in the back and beat him up, even mentioning Ring of Honor on Raw once as he was being arrested.

A video says what I just said.

Matt Hardy vs. Edge

This is a cage match. You can win by pin, submission or escape. Edge is Mr. Money in the Bank at the moment. They lock it up to start and slug it out with Edge almost going into the cage. Edge takes over with right hands and this feels epic. He goes for the top of the cage quickly but Matt makes the save. Edge goes for the door but Matt takes him down and hooks a headlock. In a cage match?

Edge takes over with a bunch of right hands and Matt is in trouble. Another escape attempt fails and a clothesline puts Edge down. Twist of Fate is countered into the Edge-O-Matic for two. Escape attempt #4 in less than 5 minutes doesn’t work and Matt almost hits a Side Effect from the top rope. Instead Matt is shoved off and a missile dropkick puts Matt down. The idea is that in their previous match at Summerslam, Matt took so many shots to the head that he couldn’t continue.

Edge works on the back of the head and mocks Matt with the V.1 hand sign. Matt looks out of it but that’s a normal day for him so maybe there isn’t much to worry about. There’s a DDT and Matt is in trouble. Edge powerbombs him into the cage and then drops him on his back. This is domination at this point. There’s a Buckle Bomb and Matt looks like he ate some bad fish. Edge adds a big boot and Matt is looking a little dead.

Matt gets in a shot and tries for a quick escape, but gets caught in a top rope powerbomb to kill him even further. This has been a great beating so far. Edge crawls over for two and the fans are shocked. Matt tries whatever he can think of, this time in the form of biting the hands of Edge. Gee Matt I know you like eating but come on now. Matt drops him on the top buckle and dodges a spear, sending Edge into the middle rope. A Side Effect gets two.

Edge goes again but Matt saves one more time. Lita slides in the briefcase but Matt ducks and Edge is tied in the ropes. Matt GOES OFF and the fans erupt. There’s a slingshot into the cage and there’s a bulldog onto the case. Edge gets rammed into all four sides of the cage and is busted open. Lita tries to climb in and Matt shoves her off to the floor. The blood is flowing out of Edge.

Matt picks up the MITB case and goes up but Edge shoves the referee into Matt to crotch him. A spear puts Matt down and Edge climbs. Matt pops up and hits a HUGE Side Effect off the top to put them both down. Lita tries to get in with a chair but Jack Doan keeps her out. Matt covers but Lita comes in anyway and breaks things up.

With Edge down, Matt gets the big shot in on Lita with a Twist of Fate. Edge pops up with a spear for two and the place goes NUTS. Edge goes up but Matt makes the save. He climbs to the top and like a true Hardy, gets way too high and messes up his push while blaming everyone from his employer to his butcher for his problems.. Or he drops a leg on Edge from the top of the page to pin him. You pick which it really was.

Rating: A. Like I said, it’s Matt’s best match ever. By that I mean it’s his best match ever, not the best match he’s ever been in (translation: TLC 2 doesn’t count because it was a tag match). Great storytelling here but it still wasn’t the blowoff as they had a ladder match on Raw that Edge won to send Matt to Smackdown. If this had ended it though, Matt would have been a world title contender.

Cena is getting taped up when Bischoff, Angle’s boss/whatever, comes up and says Angle will win tonight. The idea was Eric kept trying to find his guy to screw Cena over while WWE tried to find a way to recreate Austin vs. McMahon. Cena tapes Eric’s mouth shut.

Edge tries to stagger out but can’t quite do it.

Raw Tag Titles: Lance Cade/Trevor Murdoch vs. Rosey/The Hurricane

Earlier today the southern boys say they’ve beaten the champions before and they’ll do it again. Cade and Murdoch are a brand new team, forming like ten days before this. Naturally they’re the #1 contenders. You can see a bunch of fans going to get popcorn during this one. Hurricane vs. Cade gets us going and the champs clear the ring quickly. Hurricane headscissors Murdoch to the floor as we talk about country music.

Hurricane hits a missile dropkick and it’s off to Rosey. Lawler points out the stupidity of having a place that loves country music asked to boo a pair of country boys. Cade takes over on Rosey as Murdoch goes to hit on Lillian. Well to her credit she looks great tonight. Hurricane saves her but Murdoch gets a SICK elevated DDT to the floor on storm boy.

Rosey takes over but misses a splash in the corner to put him down. We finally get a trainer down here as the match falls apart. Cade cheats some on the floor as Hurricane is carried out. Like an idiot he comes back and tags in, only to get clotheslined a few seconds later for the pin.

Rating: D. Isn’t this what Raw is for? The tag titles were far less valuable back then than they are now and the country boys would break up like a month later. This was nothing but that DDT on the floor looked great. This was probably better than most tag title matches around this time, but it was still terribly uninteresting which might as well be printed on the belts.

The girls get out of the limo in Flair’s robe. She flashes him and gets back in.

Maria can’t get Chris Masters’ name right but he says it’s because he looks like something made by Michaelangelo. And yes, that draws a rendition of the TMNT theme song from her.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Masters

Masters is undefeated here. Shawn does his in ring entrance but Masters grabs him in the Masterlock (full nelson) before the bell rings. See, why don’t more people get that idea? The bell rings and Shawn counters this time. Shawn takes over and dives to the floor, hitting a bunch of right hands after a plancha connects. Masters is sent into the steps as the idea is he’s shaken up from never being tested before.

Shawn grabs a chair but gets it taken away, allowing Masters to get a shot in to take over. Masters is put into a powerbomb position and rammed back first into the post twice. Back in the ring Masters takes over and drops a leg for two. A delayed vertical gets two. Michaels can’t get anything going because of his back and the power of Masters. Off to a backbreaker but Masters holds Shawn over the knee for a submission attempt.

Shawn tries a crucifix but Masters counters into a full nelson attempt. Instead here’s a torture rack and the referee goes old school by checking the arm. Shawn counters into a sunset flip for two. Masters is bleeding from the nose. Here’s the Masterlock but Shawn goes rudo and kicks Masters low while he’s got the referee distracted. A slugout is won by HBK and there’s the forearm (called the Flying Burrito by JR) followed by the nipup.

The top rope elbow hits and it’s time to stomp the mat loudly to let my opponent know that his finisher is coming. Like clockwork Masters ducks and hooks the Masterlock. Shawn fights to the corner and gets over the top rope somehow, forcing a break. Masters tries the hold again but Shawn escapes and there’s the superkick for the pin. Shawn collapsing after getting the pin is always a nice touch.

Rating: B. Good stuff here as Shawn does his usual stuff but still pulls out a good match. He knew timing, which is what so many wrestlers have no clue about. He knew how to make his comebacks mean stuff and played everything to perfection. Good stuff which you never see from most young guys because it’s not important to learn in the eyes of the trainers today.

Flair gets out of the limo with his tights half down. He tilts his head back for the WOO and collapses in a Flair Flop. Funny stuff.

We recap Auscena vs. McBischoff. Cena had already beaten Jericho to get rid of him so Bischoff brought in Angle next. Angle destroyed Cena time after time and this is the big showdown.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Kurt Angle

Cena has a bad ankle coming into this. Angle takes over to start but Cena grabs a hip toss to send Angle to the floor. Angle takes it to the mat which is exactly what you would expect. Off to a headlock to fill in some time. Kurt bails again and the fans are getting into this. Back in Cena gets a slam and two elbows for two. Sidewalk slam gets two. Angle wakes up and snaps off a release German to take over.

There’s a camel clutch by Angle but Cena fights out and gets most of a sunset flip for two. Angle grabs a belly to belly and Cena is in trouble. Kurt goes with a waistlock and then a body scissors to work over the ribs. A DDT gets Cena out of it and both guys are down. They slug it out which is won by Cena. That makes sense as they’ve been pushing the fighter vs. the wrestler here.

A suplex gets two for the champ. Angle rolls through the FU into the ankle lock but Cena rolls through into a spinebuster for two. The FU is countered into a belly to back suplex but it’s called the Angle Slam because Kurt spun about 80 degrees. That gets two and it’s time for the ankle lock. Cena rolls through again and there’s the ProtoBomb. The Shuffle gets two.

Angle gets sent into the referee and the FU gets no count as a result. Kurt kicks Cena low and hits Cena with the medal. Instead of covering he hits Cena in the ankle with the gold and hooks the ankle lock as Eric comes out. Eric puts the title in Cena’s face and Cena gets to a rope because he’s kind of stupid at this point. Anyway Cena rolls through and sends Angle into Eric as Eric is about to call for the bell. Cena clocks Angle with the belt and it’s a DQ win for Kurt. Weak.

Rating: B-. The match was ok but the ending hurt it. Also at this point Cena just wasn’t ready for a match this big. He was really young and he just wasn’t good enough to hang with a guy like Angle yet. In a year or so he would be but at this point it just wasn’t there yet. The ending hut it a lot too as it was weak. Kurt vs. Cena would happen two more times with Cena finally winning the feud at Survivor Series.

Post match Eric says it doesn’t matter what the rules says because…and there’s an FU as Cena shrugs off being in the ankle lock for about two minutes. Angle attacks Cena but Cena gets the better of it and puts Angle through the table with an FU.

Overall Rating: B-. Nice surprise here as these B shows are usually awful. We got a good show out of it though with a great cage match and some other good stuff. A lot of it is your usual dreck on these single branded shows though so if you watch it, make sure you have a remote in your hand to skip some of the really dull stuff, of which there’s a good deal. The big matches are good though, which is all you can ask for.

 

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So it’s only going to be one post instead of a series. Sorry if that disappoints anyone.

I read a lot of posts and opinions of people that talk about how the Attitude Era was so great and how awful the PG Era is so bad and how things need to be more like what they were back in the late 90s. This is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard because people aren’t thinking when they say stuff like this. Either that or the more likely reality: they don’t know what they’re talking about.

Wrestling today is pretty awesome and in a lot of ways it’s better than what we have back in the 90s. Now before I get into this, let me make something clear: I’m not saying this era is better nor am I saying it’s worse. I’m saying that there are a lot of people that blindly say we need to get back to the Attitude Era way of thinking and style of airing TV and I’m going to explain why they have no idea what they’re talking about.

Note that this is just about WWE, not TNA and/or WCW. Also I won’t be going past the end of the year 2001 with this so don’t bother mentioning stuff from January 1, 2002 on because it’s not what I’m talking about. For a starting point, let’s say January 1, 1998. I know the Attitude Era was longer than that but it’s an easy date to work with.

First and foremost, people seem to think that the Attitude Era was all Austin and Vince tormenting each other and Rock cracking people up and Foley getting beaten up and then cracking a witty line. See, here’s the thing: that was about ¼ of the show. The fact of the matter is that a lot of the Attitude Era’s TV time SUCKED. I’ve been watching some 98 Raws and you get a lot of stuff like the DOA vs. the old Road Warriors, a multiple months long Jeff Jarrett vs. Steve Blackman feud, the NWA faction sucking the life out of the place, and about 15 minutes of Austin vs. McMahon per show.

People remember the cool moments of the late 90s but they forget about a lot of the really awful stuff and believe me, it got bad. You had stuff like Mark Henry getting oral sex from a transvestite, May Young giving birth to a hand, a story about Stephanie McMahon’s teddy bear, William Regal as the Brawny Man, the J.O.B. Squad, a trio of vampires, human sacrifices, people almost being embalmed, live burials, Chyna turning three times at one show, Jeff Jarrett getting hit in the back by a frozen fish, a championship changing hands at a Days Inn, a wrestler whose gimmick was he could vomit on command, and Mae Young being topless on PPV.

In short, the Attitude Era had some really stupid ideas. Some of those might not have been in the time period I mentioned, but you get the idea. People want to complain about Cena being impossible to beat and call him Superman or something like that, but is John Cena saluting people more childish than Austin holding his boss at gunpoint and having a flag come out of it that says Bang 3:16? That’s something I’ve seen in Bugs Bunny cartoons.

People want to argue about how silly and childish things are today. Yeah, there are some pretty stupid ideas like Hornswoggle and Sheamus being related to a Muppet, but at the same time we have Punk and his Pipe Bombs, Cena standing tall against a guy that talks about Fruity Pebbles and talks in funny voices (there’s a long chat in that feud that I’ll save for later), anti-bullying stories which can inspire kids (corny but true), and comedy bits that aren’t that bad when you remember your audience.

That brings me to one of the bigger points: the show isn’t for us anymore. Back in the 80s, everything was based around kids. Hogan’s feuds were never more than “I can beat this giant because the Hulkamaniacs are behind me!” You had a guy with a snake who beat up everyone else with the DDT. You had Savage being incredibly colorful and over the top. You had simple villains like Bobby Heenan and Jimmy Hart. It was a simple time for simple minds. Know what else it was? The biggest era ever for wrestling.

Then the 90s happened and those fans grew up. They got tired of seeing guys like Hogan and hearing the “you all be good” stuff. The fans rebelled and we got stuff like ECW and Steve Austin and DX and The Rock and all that jazz. The problem became that everything had to top what we had before, which is how in 1999 we had the Ministry of Darkness and crucifixions and Mideon drinking blood and vampires and all that stuff. It stopped being about wrestling and was all about drama.

Finally Austin got too hurt to wrestle and things got even better in the year 2000. What was different about 2000 rather than 98 and 99 you ask? The focus was on the ring. You had Angle and Benoit and Jericho and Guerrero coming in and Rock vs. HHH going 25 minutes every PPV and Undertaker being a biker instead of a demon.

Nick Bockwinkel used to say “That’s what it says on the marquee: Wrestling.” It sounds corny and stupid, but at the end of the day he’s right: if you put good wrestling out there, people will watch, because that’s what they’re here to see. I don’t watch Raw to see pure drama or comedy. If I wanted to see that, I’d watch a drama or a comedy. Look at the biggest angle of the year in Punk vs. Cena. In every promo Punk had, it ended with him saying that he was the best in the world and that he would prove it by beating John Cena in the middle of the ring. It wasn’t about power or some obscure thing. It was about pinning John Cena to the mat for 3 seconds. It was about wrestling.

So then Rock and Austin leave and you have guys like Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle to take their place. The pendulum has swung back to pure mat wrestling….and people don’t care as much. Starting around 2003-2004, things started to go downhill again, especially interest in the product. It appeared as if the pendulum would be swinging back towards the Attitude Era as things were getting insane again….and then something happened.

In June of 2007, Chris Benoit went over the edge and murdered his wife and son before committing suicide. Wrestling was on the front page of the paper as you had someone that was a big deal in WWE and was on the verge of winning a world title on the news for killing three people. This made the steroids trial in 1993 look like a walk in the park. Everything was changed and WWE had to change too. They had just come through an era where Angle and Benoit would drop each other on their heads ten times a match 4 nights a week. Benoit went crazy and Angle can’t go a year without a neck injury. Things had to change.

With WWE and the wrestling world being turned upside down, everything more or less had to be reset. Benoit is still less than five years ago and it’s not like you can hide things in the modern age where there are cameras everywhere. People complaining about the lack of chair shots to the head and blood don’t get the bigger picture: if something else like Benoit happened, the WWE would cease to exist. Sponsors would pull out, people would leave, fans would go away. Vince is protecting himself and his company by doing what he’s doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you can’t watch wrestling without someone taking an unprotected chair shot to the head, I feel very sorry for you.

So in the aftermath of that, Vince reset things back to the most basic things he could think of. Wrestling fans being wrestling fans, they didn’t want something that wasn’t geared exactly to them, so when the product wasn’t aimed at them anymore, they declared that it sucked. Wrestling is geared towards kids right now and you know what? It’s freaking good. We’re getting John Cena vs. the Rock and Christian getting the push the fans have demanded for years and Sheamus being all big and awesome and Orton having his best matches in years and Punk being the voice of the voiceless and Ryder’s internet show getting him on TV and a dozen other awesome things.

“But it’s not the Attitude Era!!!” Get over it. It isn’t your time anymore so stop thinking it’s going to be. Things in life aren’t always going to go your way and you need to accept that. You think your parents liked listening to Hogan telling you to take your vitamins or Warrior wanting to load up the spaceship with the rocket fuel or Hawk and Animal rambling about absolutely nothing that made sense to anyone that was human? It’s not about us anymore. It’s about the kids and catching their attention with bright colors and low level humor. And as much as you don’t want to admit it, it’s working. Mania broke 1,000,000 buys last year and the Trump record will fall with Cena vs. Rock. It’s their era now, not ours.

This next part I wrote earlier but I got on a roll with the previous section so it’s going to seem a little out of place for an ending.

Also you want to complain about title changes? From 1998-1999, no WWF World Title reign lasted longer than 90 days. Think about that. No one held the world title longer than 3 months for over two years. This would include three title reigns (one by Rock, Foley and Vince) that combined to last ten days. Midcard titles more your thing? In 1999-2000, the Intercontinental Title changed hands 23 times. In 24 months, there were 23 title reigns. Think about that for a minute. The tag titles weren’t as bad as they only changed 22 times in that span of time.

Title reigns didn’t mean anything back then. Austin won 6 world titles starting in 1998 and ending in 2001. Factoring in the year he was gone, Austin won all of his titles in about two and a half years, or about 2.4 world titles a year. Rock won his first in late 98 and his last in 2002. He’s a nine time champion over a four year span, or about 2.25 a year. By comparison, Cena has won 12 world titles in roughly 6 years (factoring out injury time) or approximately 2 a year. Orton is a 9 time champion, winning his first in 2004, which puts him at about 1.3 titles a year. But hey, Cena and Orton win them too often right? And remember Austin and Rock had one world title to vie for (save for the Alliance Era) so there were fewer titles to go around, making it harder to win them.

I think the big difference is that people stay around longer now. Austin arrived in WWF in 1995 and was gone by let’s say the middle of 2002, giving him about 6 and a half years in the company (5 and a half factoring in the year off). Rock debuted in late 96 and was gone by late 2002 for a total of 5 years also (roughly 5 when you consider the time off for movies). Cena has been around for over 9 years now and Orton about the same. Do you remember the end of Austin’s run in WWF? It was when he was feuding with Flair and Big Show when he was falling apart. Imagine Austin as a shell of his former self and being so far past his time that he meant nothing. Think people would get tired of him?

You look at guys like Orton and Cena and you have two guys that have had some of their best stuff recently. Cena fueled Punk’s push and Orton stole a lot of shows with his matches against Christian. Austin and Rock both left the company (spare me the arguments about them bailing out and abandoning the company. They’re bogus) after about 6 years when they were past their primes. Cena and Orton have hit (very) arguably their peaks recently. The difference is that instead of spending years in another company building themselves up, they started in OVW (for the most part) and came through the WWF system, allowing them to be there faster.

Smackdown
Date: November 11, 2011
Location: Liverpool Echo Arena, Liverpool, England
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

Another week, another Smackdown. With Randy having beaten Cody officially to end their feud (at least in theory) it should be interesting to see where they go with it. Also it seems like Bryan and the case have been activated into a possibility of him cashing in so we have that wild card in the title hunt now. Other than that it’ll be more build for the PPV I’d assume. Let’s get to it.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is Winter. The season, not the hot British chick.

We hear about Team Orton (Orton, Sheamus, Kofi, Cara, Ryan) vs. Team Barrett (Barrett, Rhodes, Swagger, Hunico, Christian even though the Canadian is now injured so that might be needing a replacement). To people that say all of the WWE guys are the same, this match has three Americans, an Irishman, a Ghanian, two Mexicans, a Welsh guy, an Englishman and a Canadian. That’s a pretty eclectic mix wouldn’t you say?

Here’s Randy to open the show. Orton has a great tattoo job on his arms. His shirt is roughly the same color as his skin and I couldn’t tell where it ended and where the tattoos began when he did his pose. He talks about how he doesn’t play well with others as every team he’s been on has imploded, usually due to him hurting them. Orton has no problem being the captain so he can beat up Rhodes and Christian again. He talks about not knowing Swagger or Hunico all that well but having no problem taking care of them as well. This draws out Barrett.

Barrett says the problems he’s given Orton before will be nothing compared to the ones he’ll have at Survivor Series. They’ve both been in groups and he’s always risen to the top of them. Orton is a natural born predator that no one will ever trust. Barrett wants the world title and he has to get Randy out of the way to do that. Orton is staring off into space during this. Barrett: “Are you even listening to me.” Orton: “Actually no I’m not.” Well that’s just rude. An RKO is threatened so here’s Christian in a neck brace.

Christian calls Randy the Yoko Ono of his team in Beatles reference #1 of the night (great drinking game). Christian takes credit for Barrett beating Sheamus last week, saying that he inspires people to be better. He was offered the captain spot but he declined it due to his injuries. Barrett has Christian’s full endorsement though. Here comes the beatdown as well as Sheamus for the save. Teddy comes out and I must have a bad ear infection or something because he doesn’t make a tag match for the main event. Instead it’s Christian vs. Sheamus and Barrett vs. Orton. Nice little change of pace.

Christian vs. Sheamus

Sheamus runs him over to start and takes over quickly. Christian begs off and gets the forearms to the chest for his trouble. There’s a gorilla press and Christian bails to the floor. Christian gets back in first and walks into the slingshot shoulder. Christian finally sends him into the post to take over and adds a missile dropkick for two. Out to the floor and Cole gets on my nerves already. Christian tries a dive over the top but Sheamus catches him with ease.

After a break Christian has a chinlock on and is in control. They slug it out and I think you know who wins there. Christian goes up and jumps into a punch to the ribs, which is the same counter I saw on an old tape I was watching a few moments ago. The Canadian tries the sunset flip out of the corner but jumps into the Irish Curse for two. Christian dives into his second fallaway slam of the match but pops up for a dropkick to put Sheamus down again.

Sheamus charges into the corner and gets caught by the Pendulum Kick. A tornado DDT gets two for Christian. Sheamus does the always cool pull yourself up from the corner to the top rope spot and hits the top rope shoulder for two. Brogue Kick and Unprettier both miss but the High Cross is enough to finish this at 10:15 shown of 13:45.

Rating: C+. It’s a good enough match, but how many times can Sheamus beat Christian before it stops meaning anything at all? This is what, the fourth time in a month that he’s beaten him? This was pretty good and Christian continues to have chemistry with almost anyone he works with, but he needs to either beat Sheamus once or get on to a new feud because this is going nowhere.

We recap Bryan almost cashing in last week but walking into the Slam instead.

Bryan talks to AJ and Kaitlyn and says he didn’t know he was almost going to cash in. He has a non-title match tonight. AJ and Kaitlyn imply sexual interest if he’s champ. Henry pops up and says it’s not that easy to be champ. Bryan gets in his face, saying he’s cashing in at Mania and he’ll win. Henry says Bryan has guts, and they’ll be all over the ring later.

Video on Ezekiel Jackson of all people. He’s strong and that’s about it. This comes off almost like a heel video.

Teddy Long is with Charles Robinson and says be on your game tonight in the Usos match. This is rather pointless. Here’s Aksana who hits on Teddy again and innuendo is made. Teddy wants Aksana to be in Alicia’s corner later tonight so she can get experience. Aksana thinks she’s Rihanna. More innuendo is made. Next.

Ted DiBiase vs. Jinder Mahal

Mahal is called mysterious. How is he mysterious? They flat out explained his backstory like two weeks after he started wrestling. Mahal takes over to start and Cole makes fun of DiBiase hanging out with fans. It’s implied that DiBiase has given up his dad’s money. Dream Street ends this at 1:06.

Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry

Big Show is banned from ringside. Bryan has Ride of the Valkyries again but it’s a rock version. It’s an improvement over the old song. Booker says Bryan has never had a girlfriend in his life. Oh give me a break. Are we really afraid of the drawing power of Gail Kim now? Henry takes him to the floor and rams him into the barricade then pushes Bryan’s head against the steps.

Back in the ring and the fans try to get behind Bryan. Henry misses a charge and Bryan hits a missile dropkick and Henry is staggered. The kicks put Henry down and Bryan actually gets the LeBell Lock on….kind of. Henry does the British Bulldog/Shawn Michaels counter and pounds Daniel down in the corner. Henry splashes him but pulls up at two. Bryan says bring it on so Henry hits the Slam for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C. Just a squash here but the road for Bryan seems to have begun. Him getting the Lock on Henry was a nice touch as it’s a single step further than he got last week. It wasn’t competitive but that’s the right idea if they’re going with the long road to Bryan vs. Henry. Have Bryan not be able to hurt Henry and then slowly build him up to the point where he can beat him at Mania, if that’s where they’re going at the end.

Henry goes for a chair to break the leg but Bryan gets it away and hits Henry with it. Three World’s Strongest Slams later, Bryan regrets that chair shot. Henry sets to Pillmanize the leg but the sound of music stops him. Why? I don’t know. I guess he can’t jump while music is playing. Henry gets the chair and Show knocks it out of his hand. They stare each other down and Henry bails.

Show says watch his match and he’ll show Henry something impressive.

Big Show vs. ???/???/???

They’re three unnamed jobbers. They get Show down for a second but one of them kicks him which wakes him up. Two take a double chokeslam and the third tries to leave. Show chases him down and the big punch ends this at 1:20.

Henry says that was nothing and that he’s impressed Big Show, which he’ll do again at Survivor Series.

Video on Mania tickets.

Tamina vs. Alicia Fox

Nattie is on commentary and Aksana is with Alicia. Rosa is with Tamina. Tamina is pounded down in the corner but remembers she’s Samoan and no sells it. After about a minute of beating her down, Tamina gets caught with an elbow. Nattie says she and Beth are now called Pin-Up Strong. What is that, their third name? Alicia hits a front flip legdrop for the pin at 2:00. Is there a point to any of these matches with the girls anymore?

Sheamus is asked if he’s a hot head after seeing clips of his brawl with Barrett last week. He denies it and says he’s about having a good time, be it presenting an award to Justin Bieber at the MTV Europe Awards of hanging out with his cousin Beaker (POP). He pretends to be mad at Striker then smiles.

Hunico/Epico vs. Usos

Primo comes out with the Hispanic team. Booker says they’re like gremlins. Ok so Hunico is in the white shirt. Remember when the Usos debuted and their deal was that there were civilized Samoans out there that weren’t all crazy? Now they do that Siva Tao thing. I love rewritting kayfabe. Epico starts off with we’ll say Jey. Epico is Primo’s cousin which is true in real life and on TV it seems.

The heels take over on Jimmy and take turns beating him down. Why are Mexican/Hispanic themed teams always heels? I think LAX were faces for awhile and that’s about it. Lukewarm tag brings in Jey who beats on Hunico but Epico makes the save. Primo tries to cheat so Jey kicks Epico down. Hunico hits a Swanton on Jey for the pin at 2:45.

There’s a gang beatdown post match as the fans cheer for Sin Cara. He’s not booked on the tour though so the heels beat Jimmy down with ease. Time for the international war period?

Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett

Not much to start but that’s to be expected. Barrett takes over with a headlock but walks into a dropkick for two. Now it’s Orton with the headlock as Cole talks about the bareknuckle thing again. Orton kind of plays heel here, shouting that Barrett is the hometown boy before covering him. Barrett gets a boot up in the corner to put Orton down. That and an elbow drop get two.

Out to the floor for some brawling and in a cool sequence, Orton tries to send him into the steps but Barrett jumps on top of them then kicks the steps into Orton. Wade sends him into the steps as we take a break. Back with Orton in a chinlock and Barrett’s hair is a mess. Pumphandle slam gets two. A big boot puts Orton on the floor and it’s back to the chinlock.

Boss Man Slam gets two. Barrett sets for a middle rope elbow but only one person per company can use the same move so Orton breaks it up and hits a superplex for a delayed two. They slug it out and Orton starts his ending sequence with the powerslam and DDT. RKO is loaded up but Barrett shoves him off. He pokes Orton in the eye and rolls him up for the pin at 9:50 shown of 13:20.

Rating: C+. This was fine for a TV main event and it’s cool to see Orton go down as clean as you’ll see it on TV. Barrett’s push seems to be for real and that’s certainly a good thing. He can be the next big heel on Smackdown once Henry loses the title and that’s fine. Not bad here and cool to see the home country guy win one for a change on the road.

Overall Rating: B. I liked this show a lot as they had a lot of stuff here and a lot of stuff got advanced. Henry vs. Show gets some nice build and we have the seeds of Bryan’s main event push being established. Also they lucked out as they have a backdoor to get them out of Christian’s legit injury. This is what Smackdown is best at: having basic but well put together television. Give us more stuff like this.

Results
Sheamus b. Christian – High Cross
Ted DiBiase b. Jinder Mahal – Dream Street
Mark Henry b. Daniel Bryan – World’s Strongest Slam
Big Show b. ???/???/??? – WMD
Alicia Fox b. Tamina – Flip Legdrop
Hunico/Epico b. Usos – Swanton to Jey
Wade Barrett b. Randy Orton – Rollup

 

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Best of the WWF Volume 19
Host: Sean Mooney
Commentators: Alfred Hayes, Ron Trongard, Tony Schiavone, Gorilla Monsoon

We’re back for another round of this. I have a few of these shows now so I can keep hammering away on these. There are 20 in total and I think I have 13 to go. There isn’t much else to say other than that this is from 1989 and Savage is WWF Champion and is waiting for the Mega Powers to explode. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney is at WWF Headquarters and is giving us a tour. These shows always have themes. The security guard doesn’t recognize him.

Brutus Beefcake vs. Mr. Perfect

We’re in MSG here and this would have been a big feud about a year later. It doesn’t mean much here though. Hennig is still in trunks here so it’s very early in his run here. Beefcake shoves him around with his power stuff and the fans are very hot for this. Feeling out process for the first few minutes here. Perfect is skeptical about a test of strength but he winds up taking over with some nice technical punches to the face.

Beefcake fights out of a chinlock and drops Hennig face first onto the buckle in a Snake Eyes kind of move. The fans are still WAY into this which is carrying a just ok match to decent levels. Hennig works on the ribs but after some forearms to the head Brutus Barbers Up. There’s the high knee and he calls for the sleeper, but here’s Outlaw Ron Bass to steal his barber stuff, which draws Beefcake to the floor as well as the countout.

Rating: C-. Eh there was only so much they could do here. It’s not a bad match but with a less thrilled crowd this would have been bad. The ending was the right idea as Beefcake was becoming a big deal due to hanging out with Hogan and Perfect was still undefeated so they had to have a screwy finish. Bass was shaved by Beefcake recently so that fits. Really just a kick and punch match which you got a lot of in this era.

Sean Mooney is in the WWF Tape Library. Be still my beating heart. That place is like my dream job. The guy in charge of the place doesn’t want to deal with him. I think I see a running joke here.

Tag Titles: Powers of Pain vs. Demolition

This is from the Main Event II. This was a live event but only the last 2 matches or so (Mega Powers EXPLODE) were shown. The other important thing about this show is that it was aired on February 3, 1989, or my first birthday. Demolition are the champions here and this is part of the feud that spawned out of the double turn at Survivor Series 1988. Axe vs. Warlord to start us off and the champs take over.

They switch off and Smash pounds him down with ease. I could watch Demolition do their pounding people down thing all day. We hear about the handicap match at Mania as Axe is sent to the floor after missing a charge into the corner. There’s a neck crank which is a required move in a power match. A chop sends Axe to the floor. Warlord lowers his head so that Axe can get a forearm in. Well that was nice of him.

Hot tag brings in Smash who hammers away on both guys. He always was good at getting fired up in there. A hot shot gets two on Warlord and everything breaks down. I think I know where this is going. The Powers hit more or less a top rope Hart Attack for two. Fuji gets up on the apron but Axe grabs the cane. It’s not a DQ for some reason but Fuji’s salt throw is good for the double DQ.

Rating: D+. I’ve heard that ending commentary before, I’m sure of it. I must have rented this tape before or watched it and forgotten about it. Either way, this wasn’t bad but it’s your standard house show tag match with these two. Demolition would hold the titles about another 8 months, giving them by far and away the longest tag title reign in company history.

Sean is outside Jesse Ventura’s office for an interview but Jesse’s assistant says he’s busy. She goes to get him and Jesse sends out a note, saying Mooney Get Lost, but Sean reads his own version.

Jesse Ventura vs. Tony Garea

From MSG in I’d guess the mid 80s, probably 85-86. Jesse takes forever to get ready, taking off his earrings very slowly. They get going and Jesse hits him twice to put him down. That’s more than enough cause for some posing isn’t it? I’ve heard a lot of people say Jesse’s in ring stuff isn’t that good and I think they’re onto something. Jesse keeps hitting him in the kidneys and then denying it to the referee.

Now Garea hits Jesse in his own kidneys and then grabs a wristlock. Make that an armbar as we up the difficulty. The announcers imply that Jesse stuffs his tights. To make his legs look bigger you sick freaks. Get your minds out of Jesse’s crotch. Garea is sent into the ropes and Jesse tosses him over, getting Garea’s head and neck tied up between them. I know I’ve seen this before.

After some brief pounding by Jesse, Garea takes over again with some weak stuff. This match is going WAY longer than is should have already. An abdominal stretch doesn’t work but a sunset flip gets two. Garea misses a charge into the corner and Jesse drops a simple elbow for the pin.

Rating: D-. What was the point of this going about 8 minutes again? Nothing to see here and I don’t know why this was on there in the first place. Jesse isn’t much in the ring but he’s had better matches than this I’m sure. If not I feel bad for his career. Pretty boring match but the head in the ropes spot looked cool.

Kevin Dunn gets his 8 seconds of fame as we’re in the control room. Sean gets thrown out again.

WWF World Title: Bad News Brown vs. Randy Savage

This is a street fight so it should be awesome. Both are in brawling clothes and this was Savage’s main feud until we got to the Mega Powers Exploding. They head to the floor immediately and Brown gets in some chair shots. He chases Liz around which I think was what started the feud in the first place. Savage tries to help her but gets beaten up again. Savage finally ducks a punch and Brown’s fist hits the post.

Here’s the weightlifting belt so I guess Hogan stole that idea from Savage? Savage goes up top with a chair but jumps into another punch to the ribs. Back to the floor and Savage is thrown into the crowd. In something I cab’t believe I’m saying in 1989, it’s table time. Bad News sets one up in the corner but according to Wrestling Law #4, he winds up going through it. Well he went into the referee who went through it but whatever.

Brown hits his Ghetto Blaster finisher (enziguri) but there’s no referee. Brown isn’t the best guy in the world at first aid as he tries to wake the referee up by stomping him. Brown spends too long with the referee and Savage wakes up so he can grab a backslide of all things. Another referee comes in and counts the pin to end this.

Rating: B-. Considering this was in 1989, WOW. You had violence, you had a table spot, you had referee abuse, you had chair shots. What other match prior to ECW do you remember seeing that in (indies notwithstanding)? Good stuff here and Brown could have been a very valuable man if he was 15 years younger. Fun stuff.

Brown goes after the other referee and puts him in the Tree of Woe. Savage makes the save and they brawl some more. A bunch of wrestlers come out and they can’t stop it either.

More Mooney hijinks.

Jim Duggan/Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude/Andre the Giant

It’s in 89 so this isn’t going to be pretty from Andre’s perspective. This is from a Wrestling Challenge taping which would be equal to Superstars today. Andre chokes on Duggan to start which was the majority of his offense at this point. Rude looks odd in blue. A middle rope punch misses and here’s Jake. Andre is tied in the ropes and Rude is used as a battering ram/spear.

The heels take over once Andre is freed. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be an incredibly innovative match. Rude works on a chinlock which Jake seemingly was always in. Rude goes up and is crotched, providing us with by far the funniest moment on this tape. He and Honky had the funniest sells of that spot as anyone ever. Andre comes in and does the crush in the corner spot.

Jake escapes one of them and it’s the hot tag to Duggan, who is in black boots for some reason. Could this be a heel foreshadowing? Nah, only an idiot would do that. I mean what could you do anyway, make him a Canadian sympathizer or something? What a stupid idea. Anyway Duggan gets taken down by Rude and Andre won’t tag back in for some reason. Rude, who enjoys having his head attached, doesn’t argue.

There’s the hip swivel which Hayes doesn’t approve of. Duggan fights back and they collide, putting both guys down. Rude goes to the wrong corner and Jake knocks him back down. Andre chops Duggan down to make sure everything is fair. There’s the hot tag to Jake anyway as Duggan more or less no sells Andre’s chop. Roberts sets for the DDT but Andre breaks it up. Everything breaks down and Duggan whacks Rude in the ribs with the board so Jake can get the pin.

Rating: C-. Not terrible but pretty meh overall. I still like the idea of having two feuds in a single match like this and it usually works pretty well. Not a great match or anything but for a house show, this was fine. A DDT would have pulled things up a little bit because it was the most popular move on the planet at the time.

We get a video on Ted DiBiase and how he got the Million Dollar Belt. He goes to his jeweler in Greenwich, Connecticut where everyone is waiting for him. Ted talks to the owner and says he wants a championship belt designed for him. DiBiase played this gimmick so perfectly that it couldn’t have been done better. We cut to apparently a few weeks later where DiBiase comes by for an update. The belt isn’t ready yet but we can see part of what’s done so far. They have 500 diamonds in it and Dibiase says make it 800. He wants the bands made of solid gold.

He comes back later with a cape (AWESOME) and wants the belt now. It took months to make and here’s the unveiling. DiBiase sells this so well it’s unreal. Yes I’m a huge DiBiase fan if that wasn’t clear. That laugh is still awesome. We cut to the Brother Love Show for the real unveiling. DiBiase saw the belt in the store but no one else did. Love, currently the head of creative in TNA, scared me to death when I was a kid. This takes up a few minutes.

Bret Hart vs. Ted DiBiase

They have over 15 minutes to work with as this is the main event of the tape. This is in Odessa, Texas so DiBiase is kind of the hometown boy. We stop to have DiBiase introduced as the Million Dollar Champion. DiBiase is bare-armed here which is a weird look for him as he usually has the wrist tape. The Canadian hits a Russian on the American for two and Ted is in trouble early.

Oh wait Ted has a skin colored arm band on. Why? DiBiase stalls a bit and walks into a small package for two. Bret pounds away a bit more but misses a charge and Virgil pulls the rope down to send him out to the floor. Ted chokes away and a clothesline gets two. Bret counters a suplex and they slug it out from their knees. Belly to back gets two for DiBiase.

Bret grabs a pair of small packages for two. Time for a chinlock which eats up almost three minutes. Ted goes up but ala Flair is thrown off. Bret wins a slugout and here are the 5 moves of doom. DiBiase avoids a charge and goes Texas on him with a spinning toe hold. Since it’s a spinning toe hold, Bret easily counters and sends him to the floor. A big dive puts Ted down and they fight to a double countout.

Rating: B. Good stuff here but the ending hurt it. The booking was good though as Bret was still in the Hart Foundation and DiBiase was a much bigger star so they couldn’t have Bret go over but they kept him looking strong at the same time. Fun stuff but did you expect anything less with these two and almost 20 minutes?

Sean is locked in a storage closet to get rid of him and end the tape.

Overall Rating: B-. Considering what you have to work with here, and by that I mean a slapped together tape that you sell for like eight bucks, this was fine. The idea of this being the best was forgotten a long time ago. Still though, this is a fun era and if you like this kind of stuff, you’ll like this tape. The Bret vs. Ted match is good and that’s the important part. Good stuff.

 

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