This wasn’t my idea as most of you know that I hate social media.  Anyway there’s a page for it now and I’ll be looking into a way to automatically post links to it.  If anyone knows how to do that please let me know.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/kbwrestlingreviewscom/117930294974885

Anyway it’s there now so maybe it’ll help me get some new blood here.  Also note that the odds of me ever checking that page are about 1 in 104858759385965 so don’t post something there that you want me to read.

KB

Monday Night Raw
Date: August 29, 2011
Location: BOK Center, Tulsa, Oklahoma
Commentators: Jim Ross, Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

It’s officially Alberto vs. Cena at the PPV but the bigger story at the moment is the conspiracy that Punk thinks is going on against him. According to him, someone wants Alberto to be champion. This opens a lot of doors because the questions of who sent the text message, was Alberto in on it and who is lying to who and who knows what are all in play. Let’s get to it.

The boss opens the show as is the custom recently. He says that for the forseeable future, Raw and Smackdown will be combined to form Raw Supershows. Did the Brand Split just end? I very well may have misunderstood it but that’s what it sounded like. Anyway HHH now wants to talk about the bad part of the job, which in this case is people lying to him which he thinks Nash has done. He calls Nash to the ring but gets someone else instead.

Here’s Punk who is still getting a decent response. He wants to be told that HHH and Nash have been together all along. Cue Nash to the NWO music. Nash admits that he lied about the car wreck last week. Nash yells about Stephanie. For all the references to her, shouldn’t she be here soon? He asks HHH what kind of man HHH is and HHH says the kind that shouldn’t be lied to by his best friend.

HHH can’t trust him anymore and tells Nash to leave now and not come back. Nash doesn’t leave and says he wasn’t lying about the text. While HHH was gone last week, Nash was signed to a contract by Johnny Ace so he has to be fired to be gone. It’s a guaranteed paycheck too so Nash gets paid even if he’s just sitting at home. HHH says he’s not fired but no more lying.

Punk has a sudden viral stomach attack and begins to dry heave all over the ring as he’s sickened by this. He says he’s just acting, exactly like those two are. Punk references the Clique, which is the sound of remotes changing the channel every time Nash is on screen. Also it’s the sound Nash’s knees make when he walks.

Nash says since he’s under contract now, Hunter should book the match everyone wants to see. Punk says let’s do it at NOC and then makes sure the Board, and by that he means Stephanie, is cool with it. HHH may not wear the pants, but he wears Stephanie’s panties. HHH says the match is on for NOC and they can both suck it.

HHH leaves but with Punk and Nash in the ring…here’s Orton? He doesn’t say anything but it’s Orton vs. Ziggler later. In a nice touch we get a little highlight reel of Ziggler with JR narrating about how good he is. That’s EXACTLY what they need to do to save time and still get these guys some mention.

Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler

Ok so it seems it’s just Smackdown guys being on Raw and not vice versa. Well it’s a step in the right direction at least. Vickie is compared to great managers who had a diverse stable. I’d like to see that come back because it gives people some fallback storylines if they’re bored. Orton keeps up the advantage and Ziggler has a noticeable tan line. Vickie gets involved and Ziggler counters the elevated DDT to send Orton to the floor.

Zig Zag on the floor has Orton in trouble. It gets a close 8 count on the floor but Randy gets back in, allowing Dolph to stomp away as we take a break. We’re back on the floor with Orton being rammed into the steps. Swagger is watching in the back. Something resembling a crossface chickenwing by Ziggler and he keeps Randy down even longer.

Dolph goes up and they slug it out with Orton taking over. Superplex by Orton puts both guys down but randy gets two. Here come the clotheslines and Orton is all fired up. Belly to belly gets two. Ziggler gets a Fameasser out of nowhere for a near fall. What might have been a sleeper attempt is countered into a rollup for two. Ziggler channels his inner Hennig and is catapulted into the corner.

Orton busts out his sweet over the shoulder powerbomb into a neckbreaker for two. He loads up the punt but Ziggler NAILS him with a superkick for a very close two. This is starting to get good. Orton teases throwing Ziggler to the floor but stops him at the apron so he can hit the elevated DDT. That was kind of cool. RKO time but Ziggler counters into the sleeper. Orton escapes and tosses him into the air and Ziggler bounces to his feet and a kind of botched RKO (Ziggler didn’t fall fast enough so it was closer to a Stunner) ends this at 12:30.

Rating: B. Solid stuff here as these two continue to have some pretty decent chemistry together. Orton was on his game tonight and had some nice variations on his usual stuff, making it a far better match than he’s used to having. I really liked that toss being caught into the elevated DDT. Good match here and I was really getting into it near the end.

We get a clip of Cena getting beaten down last week and Josh asks him about it, but Cena just walks away and is all mad.

Here’s Cena (saying that you should come see this on his way through the curtain) to talk about Alberto. Cena says that Alberto talks about having honor as a champion but last week he got jumped by the champ in a dishonorable fashion. He calls out Del Rio but gets Mark Henry instead. Henry talks about how he’s hurt everyone in his sight and now he’s going to make Cena join that list. Oh and he’ll win the title at Night of Champions after he beats whoever wins the cage match.

Cue Christian who says he’ll be facing Henry at Night of Champions. But we’ll deal with that later. Right now he wants to tell Cena that he’s tired of John’s whining. Cena says that hasn’t been whining and makes fun of both of them. If they want some, come get some. Christian says let’s do this but here’s Sheamus for the save.

Cena pulls his fist back to punch Sheamus because he’s not sure if he can trust him. That’s BRILLIANT as Sheamus hasn’t had a big change of heart and it wouldn’t be much of a turn for him to beat up Cena too. Christian bails and Henry, realizing he’s outnumbered, thinks better of it and leaves. He doesn’t come off like a coward, keeping his monster levels high. Nice touch again. Man they’re thinking tonight and it’s improving the show massively.

Johnny Ace says the match should be made and HHH comes in and is like dude, I got this covered and says the match is made.

Punk vs. Miz next. I’m DIGGING this brand split ending thing.

CM Punk vs. The Miz

Punk is in the ring post break which is kind of weird. Miz has a mic. Oh I’m liking this. Miz says that he was dropping pipe bombs way before Punk was and he’s much more must see than Punk. Punk takes over early on with his usual assortment of strikes but the Macho Man elbow is broken up. Miz hits his running boot to the head for two.

He hammers away with left hands so Punk fires off some kicks. Short DDT gets two for Miz. Off to the chinlock before a neckbreaker gets two for Miz. Corner clothesline and a double axe off the top get two. Big boot gets two for Miz. This is a much better performance from Miz than I was expecting. After a few more minutes with almost nothing from Punk, Miz sends him to the floor and we take a break.

Back with Miz holding his third chinlock of the night. Punk starts his comeback as Cole is blasting JR and Lawler for every word he says. Punk hits the top rope elbow and loads up the GTS. And never mind as here’s R-Truth for the DQ at 14:00. Man I wish this could have gotten some more time and a proper ending.

Rating: B-. Not as good as the other match but still it was pretty good all things considered. Miz isn’t the kind of guy you want to have long matches but they’re trying at least. Truth coming in is kind of annoying but that fits the story they’ve got going on. Not bad at all and I liked it for the most part.

Punk beats them down but here’s Nash for the distraction so that Miz can take over. Jackknife leaves Punk laying.

Sin Cara vs. Jack Swagger

BIG pop for Cara. No Vickie with Swaggs. The lights start out as normal and then go out a few seconds into it. Cara sends him to the floor and this an Asai Moonsault to take Swagger down. Here comes Vickie as Swagger hits a Vader Bomb and legdrop for a cocky one count. Swagger is in control and here’s Dolph to yell. He goes to the ring and calls Jack a loser. Swagger charges but gets caught by a springboard dornado DDT and the swanton/Lionsault combo for the pin at 2:51. Hunico is WAY more coordinated than Mistico out there.

Tag Titles: Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty

Kofi’s pyro doesn’t go off for some reason. There was a poll online and the new champions are going to be known as Air Boom. I’ve heard worse. McGillicutty takes over to start on Bourne and hammers away. Bourne gets beaten down as we’re waiting on the hot tag to Kofi and it connects before I can finish typing that sentence. Kofi comes in with a huge springboard chop and things speed up. SOS is countered by Michael but Kofi hits a spinning springboard cross body for two as everything breaks down. Big dive takes out Otunga and Trouble in Paradise ends McGillicutty at 2:25. This was fine.

Post match Otunga gets in Lawler’s face and Daivd takes the headset off him. They stare each other down but nothing else happens.

Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella

Oh joy, it’s this match again. Kelly hammers away to start and we cut to Beth and Natalya complaining about someone else that are causing the problems. They should be in the ring, not Kelly. The twins switch places and Nikki gets the pin with an X-Factor at 1:18.

Trailer for HHH’s new movie Inside Out. So how many times are we going to see this over the next few weeks? It’s an action movie about a guy that is trying to reform or is out of prison or something like that. Again though, does anyone care?

Mark Henry/Christian vs. John Cena/Sheamus

Sheamus vs. Henry to start at 11:01. Sheamus pounds him down to a nice reaction but Henry runs him over with a clothesline. The tape on Sheamus’ ribs is taken off and the Great White (yes they’re really calling him that in a feud with a big angry black man) is in trouble. Off to Christian as this is one sided. The not great and not white (I’m just going off what they’re calling his opponent) Henry comes back in and works on the ribs even more.

Christian is back in but he jumps into the Irish Curse and is down. We’re waiting on the hot tag to Cena and are also waiting on Alberto to run in because we haven’t see him all night. Off to Cena who cleans house and the young ones begin to cheer. Christian escapes the AA but can’t get the tornado DDT.

Powerslam puts Christian down but he tries his cross body out of the corner and jumps into the AA which is blocked again. Henry breaks up the STF but misses a charge at Sheamus and they hit the floor. A running shoulder block off the apron takes Henry down and Christian gets a spear for two on Cena for two. Killswitch is countered and Christian is shoved into a Brogue Kick and the AA for the pin at 6:40.

Rating: C. It’s a main event tag and that’s it. There’s nothing too great here but they were trying. It was very reminiscent of a Smackdown main event and that’s fine. With only 7 minutes to work with at the very end of the show there’s only so much that they can do. This wasn’t bad but it worked pretty well.

To end the show, Punk comes in to HHH’s office and the match with Nash is off. Instead, it’s Punk vs. HHH. Oh my.

Overall Rating: B. This was back and forth. The first hour has some HUGE stuff going on including the big white elephant in the room: the brand split being over on Mondays. That breathed a lot of life into this show as you got interactions with guys that haven’t been around each other in awhile. It makes things a lot more fresh and keeps us from having to sit through the same set of matches week in and week out. Definitely a plus there.

The wrestling was great in the first hour with two rather good matches. After that it kept being good but it was a step down. The drama is good stuff right now and the whole show is clicking in a way it hasn’t in a very long time. With the injection of some fresh blood with the Smackdown guys, I’m hyped up for Raw in the future. Good show.

Results

Randy Orton b. Dolph Ziggler – RKO

CM Punk b. The Miz via DQ when R-Truth interfered

Sin Cara b. Jack Swagger – Lionsault

Kofi Kingston/Evan Bourne b. Michael McGillicutty/David Otunga

Brie Bella b. Kelly Kelly – Pin after a facejam from Nikki Bella

John Cena/Sheamus b. Christian/Mark Henry – AA to Christian

At least a little bit it seems as according to HHH on Raw tonight SD guys will be appearing on Raw now.

Thoughts on this?

Starrcade 1985
Date: November 28, 1985
Location: Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, North Carolina/The Omni, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Bob Caudle, Tony Schiavone

Found this and figured it would be worth taking a look at. This is a show where they have two different locations, each with six matches and each with a main event. In Atlanta we have the rematch of previous year’s show with Flair vs. Dusty of course. The other is perhaps the best match in Starrcade history as Tully Blanchard meets Magnum TA in a steel cage I Quit match. This should be very solid as the card looks freaking stacked. Let’s get to it.

We open with a shot of a big disco ball. Ok then. This is called The Gathering for no apparent reason. The lighting is AWFUL. You can barely see Bob Caudle and Tony Schiavone. We throw it to Johnny Weaver who keeps looking at the cue card he’s reading from which is odd to see. Other than the TV Title everything is on the line tonight. We open in Greensboro, the home of Starrcade.

The national anthem plays and we’re ready to go.

Mid-Atlantic Title: Sam Houston vs. Krusher Khruschev

Krusher is more commonly known as Smash of Demolition so we’ll go with that name for him as it’s easier to spell. The title is vacant at this point due to a guy named Buzz Tyler leaving the territory so this is a tournament final. The referee is in yellow for no apparent reason. The ring looks rather small for some reason. Perhaps it could be that it is small. Both guys are in red here so it looks a bit odd.

They’re going power vs. speed here as Houston is a tiny man to say the least. The commentary has some long spaces of no talking at all. Crowd is a bit deceased at this point. Smash was always good at making noise during the matches. The EVIL Russian is dominating here.

Mind you that’s the Minnesota form of Russian but whatever. We hit the Russian bearhug. Oh joy. Sam hits his only move, the bulldog, but the foot is on the ropes. Smash hits his move, the Russian Sickle (running clothesline but not quite) and Sam gets his foot on the ropes but the referee misses it. EVIL RUSSIA WINS!

Rating: D+. Uh, isn’t the crowd supposed to get into the opening match on the biggest show of the year? This was rather boring to say the least and not a lot came of it. Smash winning was the right move as there was no point to having a guy the size of Houston pick it up. Not terrible but I’ve seen far better.

Now to Atlanta. Unless I say otherwise, the venues alternate.

Manny Fernandez vs. Abdullah the Butcher

This is a Mexican Death Match, meaning you get the pin and then there’s a ten count the other guy has to answer and if he can’t get up the match is over. Manny is about as stereotypical of a Mexican as you can ask for. He trained R-Truth which is his biggest claim to fame. Ok screw the ten count as it’s a hat on a pole match instead. Ok then. Seriously you just have to climb up and get the hat to win.

Butcher jumps him before the bell so we’re off early. The lighting is again crap and we have no commentary at this point. Tony again has microphone difficulties. Ah there they are. Manny is busted about 30 seconds into this. They REALLY need to work on their pauses in talking. Manny uses his boot as we continue this annoying Southern theme in the NWA. Abdullah going up the ropes is really funny looking. Amazingly he’s bleeding too. Who would have guessed that one?

Manny continues to just take clothes off and use them to fight Butches. Sure why not. So Manny is now in socks and no belt. That works I guess. Manny hits the Flying Burrito (real name) to knock Butcher to the ropes. Ok the suplex on Butcher was cool looking, I’ll give him that much. Manny goes for the hat (seriously a hat?) and gets a fork to the balls. Apparently the NWA is now CZW. Another Burrito (which is a forearm in case you didn’t know) and a clothesline puts Butcher down. And he just climbs up and gets it. Ok then.

Rating: B-. Pretty decent brawl here actually although the hat was just out of left freaking field. I liked it a lot though even though it was mainly just violence. Still though, solid stuff here and it came off pretty well. The big man vs. little man stuff worked well here so there we are.

Back in Greensboro Khruschev says he’s happy and thanks his fellow Russians for helping him. His total lack of accent is rather funny.

Ron Bass vs. Black Bart

This is a Texas Bullrope match where is Bass wins he immediately gets the same match with Bart’s manager, James J. Dillon. Dillon is in one of those tuxedo shirts that I want. This is right around the time the Horsemen came together so there’s a solid chance Dillon isn’t with them yet. In every match so far, one of the guys has been from Texas. Ron Bass being a face is WEIRD. I’m not sure which set of rules they’re using here but I’d bet on the four corners version. And I’m wrong again as it’s pins.

Bart is bleeding inside of a few seconds. This is really just another brawl with the rope involved. Both guys are already busted and we’re sitting in silence again. Dillon looks REALLY young here to say the least. Bart is in trouble here as the winner is pretty clear I’d think. I’ve never liked these matches as the bell and rope are such regional things and they’re just annoying.

The problem here is that things slow down a lot instead of having just straight fighting. I get the idea of it but at the same time it’s just taking too long. Also, why are there two cowboys in the same match? Oh ok they used to be partners. There’s the explanation. From out of nowhere a bell shot from the top ends it. Dillon takes his shirt off. Oh dear.

Rating: D. I hated this, but then again I hate bullrope matches that don’t have Sting in them so there we are. The ending came out of nowhere and the total lack of commentary hurt this a lot. It just makes them seem uninterested which is never a good thing at all. Boring fight compared to the previous one.

Ron Bass vs. James J. Dillon

This is max five minutes as per the rules. Dillon, the manager, jumps him fast and beats the heck out of him. We’ll ignore how little sense that makes. He COWBOYS UP thought and it’s beatdown time. After a LONG beating, the referee goes down and Bart comes in with a piledriver and pulls Dillon on top for the fluke pin.

Rating: N/A. Too short here but the booking wound up making sense in the end as Bass got to beat on him and then wound up losing to heel shenanigans so I can live with this one.

Back to Atlanta for…arm wrestling? Yeah it’s Billy Graham vs. Barbarian as they continue arguing over who the strongest wrestler is. Needless to say Graham is the face here. And there’s going to be a regular match too? This is for 10,000 dollars also. Ok then. They do it left handed. Oh Barbarian has a broken hand. That makes sense. Now if you don’t know how this is going to go, you have no business watching this show or reading this review. After two comebacks, Graham wins.

Billy Graham vs. Barbarian

Sure why not? I’m not sure I get the point here but whatever. I think this is the first match where neither is from Texas. Naturally this is a big power match and little more. Graham gets the bear hug and has his arms called pythons. And there’s Barbarian’s manager in for the DQ. Graham is bleeding. Other than the opener that’s happened in every match I think.

Rating: N/A. This was like two minutes long so what do you want me to say about it? Graham was about to get like 10 years older in about a year or two as he would go to WWF again and just be crippled by steroid abuse over the years.

National Title: Terry Taylor vs. Buddy Landel

Have I mentioned I can’t stand Taylor? Like, REALLY can’t stand him, almost to Ronnie Garvin levels? The National Title was just the title of the Georgia territory and not a real national belt. You have to remember that this is a bunch of promotions having big matches at once and not one company having one show. Imagine if in the NCAA all the conferences had their title games on the same night in the same place. That’s what this is kind of like.

It would be unified with the US Title in about a year. Landel was a guy that was good but not great. He was a guy you could bring in and count on to have a decent feud/match and then go away. Think of someone like Kane but of normal size. The problem with the formula they’re using is that it causes the matches to be a bit disjointed. What I mean is everything is a big match so it’s hard to have a breather or anything.

It’s really a supershow which is both good and bad at the same time. There’s nothing to really talk about in this. I mean seriously we’re 9 minutes in and I haven’t thought of a thing that is interesting enough to talk about. There’s nothing to make fun of either.

Taylor goes for his superplex finisher but Dillon (how many people does he freaking manage???) sweeps his leg out so that he falls backwards so Landel can get the pin and the title. We’ll ignore that Taylor would have landed the same had the move hit. Landel would be fired in about a month for drug use so Dusty was just given the title.

Rating: C. This is the textbook example of a match that is just there. It’s not particularly good or bad. It just exists. There’s no other way to put it. I know that’s not much but it’s all I’ve got.

National Tag Titles: Billy Jack Haynes/Wahoo McDaniel vs. Arn Anderson/Ole Anderson

Yes it’s the Minnesota Wrecking Crew. Dang the 80s were awesome for wrestling. The faces/challengers hold the Florida Tag Titles at this point. Again these are the Georgia tag belts, not actual national titles. Haynes you may know as the guy that fought Hercules at Mania 3.

Wahoo knew like 2 moves and both were chops so there you are. Being realistic here, who do you really think is going to win here? This is formula stuff with the faces getting in trouble and fighting back to get out of it. If it works so well, why change it at all I guess. And Ole trips Wahoo so Arn can pin him. These pins are coming out of freaking nowhere and it’s getting rather annoying.

Rating: C+. Not bad here and really just a way for the Andersons to get an easy title defense and there’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t think anyone believed there would be new champions or anything here which is ok too. Simple by the book match which at times is the best idea to go with.

Landel is in the back with Dillon and Weaver, who is really bad here. Landel is called the top man in Dillon’s stable. That’s saying a lot. Oh yeah he’s not with the Horsemen yet. Landel says he’s the World’s National Heavyweight Champion. No wonder he was fired.

US Title: Tully Blanchard vs. Magnum TA

OH YES!!! In short, screw everything else in the history of Starrcade. THIS is the greatest match in the history of the show, period and end of story and argument. Ok, so more or less, this is the idea: culture clash. Tully is considered the wrestler’s wrestler. He’s the epitome of the rich guy that is a total jerk to everyone but no one can beat him.

Magnum is from the South, rides on a Harley, drinks beer instead of champagne and is a fighter known for two things: a heck of a right hand, and the sickest belly to belly this side of Brock Lesnar. For months upon months these two had gone after each other but there had never been the definitive match. Everyone knew that would come on Thanksgiving night and here we are. The build for this is off the charts.

It’s also in a cage and an I Quit match. Hmm. A match between a guy considered to be the top technical man in wrestling and a pure redneck where you win by submission. Just goes to show you that even the best angles such as Hart and Austin aren’t always original. Also, this is a more violent match so there you are.

Magnum is introduced as the vastly popular Magnum TA. That’s an understatement. Hey they hit the lights so we can see! The fans pop like crazy over a single punch. They help this match a lot as they’ve watch this build for about a year or so and are drooling for the end. They slug it out to start and I’m glad there’s no commentary here as it’s not needed. And of course there goes Bob Caudle.

The people here are popping for every single thing so they can more or less do whatever they like. This is a match where it’s all brawling and that’s all it should be. Tully is bleeding from the face and the arm which is something you hardly ever see but it’s working for me. Magnum, being smart, goes for the arm. Magnum is bleeding too.

The microphone they have to say they give up into is finally brought into play and we get the famous sequence as Tully screams at him to say it but when he says no Tully blasts him with the microphone. So simple yet so effective. They do it again and Magnum is in big trouble. He dodges an elbow drop and the fans EXPLODE. You would think he just won the title. Tully won’t give up either.

The mic use is what I like about this as it makes perfect sense to have that in the ring with them rather than the insane things you get in Cell matches. With both guys on their knees they just start throwing bombs at each other. Tully is getting very frustrated and loses his cool. Hmm where have I seen this before?

Baby Doll, Tully’s manager, throws a wooden chair in and it gets broken up. Tully uses a piece to drive into the head of Magnum but it doesn’t work. Magnum gets the spike and DRIVES IT INTO TULLY’S EYE FOR THE SUBMISSION. Tully screaming in pain after it’s over makes this whole thing even better.

Rating: A+. Just an epic fight here with tons of blood and straight up violence. THIS is how you blow off a feud. Go find this match. It’s on the Essential Starrcade and shouldn’t be hard to fine online. Go watch it as it’s an absolute classic.

Miss Atlanta Lively/Jimmy Valiant vs. Midnight Express

This is a street fight and it’s Eaton and Condrey in case you old school fans are wondering. Lively is Ronnie Garvin in drag. This has F written all over it. Somehow Garvin is the better wrestler on his team. The Express are in tuxedoes for no apparent reason. Cornette is at his best here. Oh and the face manager is named Big Mama. Kill me now, please. Cornette is cracking me up, saying both of them may be men but they both may be women but he’s not sure.

Valiant is one of those guys that can’t wrestle but he got a major push anyway and is over so there we are. Condrey is busted open. This should be Bloodfest instead of the Gathering. Someone has powder and hits Valiant with it. This was the 1980s so it’s likely spare cocaine. They try to get Garvin’s clothes off and I have no idea what the point of this is supposed to be. Garvin takes the racket to the top of the head. Rock on violence against women!

Garvin is wearing heels and pins Bobby Eaton. So a woman and a guy that is more known for his beard than his ability beat one of the best teams ever. Sure why not. Post match they strip Cornette to his boxers. Take me now, please.

Rating: F+. I have NO idea what the idea of this was supposed to be but it completely failed in my eyes. This was not only boring but was crap too. Granted there was zero talent on one side and a lot on the other but whatever. At least it was short.

Magnum cuts a GREAT promo, talking about how he’ll be a fighting champion. Sweet goodness did he have a ton of potential.

NWA Tag Titles: Rock N Roll Express vs. The Koloffs

This is in a cage as well and is the ending of the Greensboro part now. These two feuded for the better part of ever in the 80s and this is yet another “blowoff” to it. The RNRE of course are WAY over as you would expect them to be. They’re also the challengers here. They’re tagging here so this should be fun. This is the Rock N Roll Express and it’s the 1980s. Do you need me to explain what happens here?

Oddly enough Gibson is in there most of the time. This is another of those matches where there’s little that I can say about it. Khruschev and Don Kernoodle are the seconds here. Referee goes down again. Morton finally gets the tag and after his usual stuff, hits a rollup for the pin and the titles. The Russians beat them up even more after the match.

Rating: B-. It’s hard to mess up an RNRE match if their opponents are at least passable and the Russians were indeed passable. This was fine and served as a way to get a massive pop for the end of the night in Greensboro. This was a good match that served its purpose very well I though. Nothing classic or anything like that, but fine for what it was.

NWA World Heavyweight Title: Ric Flair vs. Dusty Rhodes

Oh like anyone but these two would be in the main event. Flair in this era coming out to that music is nothing short of perfect. The double city thing makes sense as in Greensboro Flair would get the biggest pop of the night. Dusty is listed at 275. That’s HILARIOUS. The big gold belt isn’t there yet. This is happening because Dusty helped Flair and then the team that would become the Horsemen in January broke Dusty’s leg/ankle.

Dusty, please don’t shake it. The planet can’t take that much weight shifting. Dusty of course dominates early on. We can already see the problem here. See, at this time, Flair could allegedly wrestle a broom to a B grade match (the expression you might hear is three and a half star but screw that star system. Everyone else uses it and I hate it).

He did this because Flair had a very basic way of working a match: he controls, the other guy makes a comeback, shot to the knee, Flair works the knee for 8 minutes, face makes the comeback, finish. How many times have you seen that match and how many times has it been at least good? The idea was you wouldn’t always see a classic, but you would hardly ever if ever at all see a bad Flair match.

EVERYONE but Dusty got that idea and Flair’s formula worked to near perfection. Dusty insisted that they use HIS method which is make Dusty look good and use a LOT of rest holds. It worked for Dusty and the fat of doom but not for anyone else and it was very boring. Flair goes for the knee and Dusty hits the floor. Dusty tries to inject psychology into the match which translates into he gets to lay down after 5 minutes.

Dusty works on Flair’s knee and I use that term loosely. In an unintentionally hilarious spot, Flair can’t suplex Rhodes. Allegedly it’s his leg but I would argue it’ the weight of the planet between Dusty’s legs and his back. And Dusty lays down again. Let’s do a sleeper! Even more time where we don’t have to really do anything for Dusty! Dusty lunges for the corner to break it up. My bet is there was some powder left from earlier and Dusty thought the turnbuckle was a new kind of doughnut.

Dusty was lazy on a snapmare. ON A SNAPMARE. Ok let’s stop and think about this for a minute. How exactly does a snapmare work? You have two guys, one behind the other. One guy grabs the other’s head and snaps, hence the term SNAPmare the other guy’s head forward while the guy taking the move jumps right? Oh and the guy doing it ducks down. Dusty did NOTHING. He slowly brought his arms forward.

He didn’t SNAP, he didn’t duck, and he went to the side instead of over the shoulder. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? JACKIE GAYDA could do a snapmare properly and this guy is about to win the freaking world title? Good freaking night. Dusty misses an elbow and lays down AGAIN. Seriously he’s been laying on his back more than Becca would for Shawn. Dusty comes off the top with a cross body for two.

Flair should get the title right there since a mountain just jumped at him. Dusty does his stupid looking punches and misses a kick so the knee is down again. Any credit this match gets goes to Flair for having to sell for this fat tub of goo, period. One thing you might notice about the figure four that Flair uses: about 90% of the time, it’s on the wrong leg. The straight leg is the one that’s in pain, not the crossed one.

Dusty manages to reverse without ever selling the pain, which is at least staying consistent as nothing Flair has done has seemed to hurt him here. He’s not even limping. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Young is knocked to the floor. Cue the (future) Horsemen. Dusty gets that abomination that he calls the figure four on and there they are. It’s Arn and Ole in case you were wondering. That’s nothing though and Dusty gets the rollup on Flair for the pin.

It’s traditionally called a small package but nothing about Dusty is small. A bunch of wrestlers including Billy Graham come out to carry Dusty on their shoulders but of course they can’t do it. No one can carry Dusty. Dang I love double entendres. Post match Dusty says he’ll be champion for a long time and the announcers send us off. Actually that’s not the case though.

Dusty’s title reign isn’t counted as on the next TV show he was stripped of the title due to the referee being down and the other referee counting the pin. Yes, Dusty managed to do a Dusty finish ON THE BIGGEST SHOW OF THE YEAR. Can you imagine what would happen if they did this at Mania? The backlash (oh wait it’s Extreme Rules now isn’t it?) would be off the charts. Anyway, that’s the end of the show.

Rating: D. Dusty…you are a fat worthless goon. Flair…I salute you. That’s all I have to say here.

Overall Rating: B+. I went back and forth between B and B+ here. The thing is, even though the ending wound up meaning nothing, that can’t be factored into the grade of the show. The show was solid all around as feuds were settled, titles changed hands, and the big moments worked.

This is a solid show with some misses in there. Still, definitely very good and it felt like the biggest show of the year which it was. Dusty…go away. DEFINITELY see the I Quit. Other than that there isn’t much worth seeing individually but overall the card is well worth seeing.

Smackdown
Date: August 26, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

We’re still in Canada and we’re into the Henry as #1 contender era. The main event tonight is him vs. Sheamus in a Summerslam rematch that hopefully is as good as last time. I’m really hoping they don’t end Sheamus’ momentum already but maybe they won’t. Since we’re in Canada there’s also a little surprise in store. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Henry being dominant last week in the battle royal and getting the shot at Orton.

Do you know your enemy? Mine is 4000 miles separating you from someone you want to be with more than anything.

Remember that surprise I mentioned? Bret Hart is here to open the show. Bret says he’s not here tonight so HHH has named him Guest GM for the night. See, THIS is what legends should be doing. Flair would be perfect for something like this. Have a show in Charlotte? Have Flair pop in and be a guest host or a guest referee or something. Bret mentions that Tuesday will be a special live Super Smackdown which is a double branded show.

Bret says he’s looking forward to the main event which will be Henry vs. Orton for the title. That brings out Christian who says he blames his loss at Summerslam on Bret’s friend Edge. Due to Edge doing what he did, Christian couldn’t concentrate and he lost the title. Bret says Christian is getting really whiny, becoming an embarrassment to himself, the world title, the WWE Universe and to Canada. OH NO HE DIDN’T! Christian needs to start at the bottom and work his way back up.

Christian says that guys like Bret and Edge are the real embarrassments because they can’t let it go. He thinks maybe they’re jealous because he’s the only relevant Canadian. Christian pulls out a document saying he gets a title rematch next week on Smackdown. Bret says he does, but it needs to be a special kind of match. The more famous Canadian makes it a steel cage match and Christian isn’t happy.

That brings out Mark Henry and Christian heads to the floor. Henry says he’s tired of this disrespect after 15 years in the company and he earned his title match last week. If he doesn’t get it, someone is going to be hurt. He wants the winner of the cage match and as much as he respects Bret, he can’t be held responsible for what happens if he doesn’t get the shot. Since three people taking 15 minutes to talk hasn’t been enough, here’s Sheamus!

The great white (which is what Cole called him earlier so don’t jump on me) talks about his uncle’s farm and a big black bull there. The bull kept destroying everything in sight so one day his uncle castrated said bull. Sheamus charges and the fight is on! Henry gets knocked to the floor and the staredown finally takes us to a break.

Christian vs. Daniel Bryan

This was set up during the break. As Bryan is coming to the ring we get a quick video package on him. Cole thinks Bryan is planning something and won’t cash in at Mania but rather like everyone else has. It’s a basic match to start as Bryan tries his strikes and Christian tries his usual stuff.

There’s the big dive (the announcers don’t react to it until the replay because they’re talking about how the champion always gets a rematch after losing. Not exactly but who cares about history in this company?) and Bryan hooks a surfboard. Christian escapes the hold though and takes over as we take a break. Back with a chinlock on and the fans are behind Christian as is expected.

Bryan gets a shot in and the missile dropkick out of nowhere for two. So far the count of Booker calling him “D. Bryan, one of my Fave Five” is at three. The pendulum kick is blocked in the corner and Bryan rips off some kicks and a knee to the chest for two. Christian does his stand on the guy’s back while they’re in the 619 position and the uppercut for two.

Spear is countered by a kick but Bryan slips on his moonsault and Christian tries the sunset flip out of the corner. Bryan rolls through and hits the spin kick (with Christian looking stupid for sitting there for two). Top rope rana is countered and Christian (called the Professor by Booker) hooks a tornado DDT for two. Killswitch is countered into a LeBell Lock attempt but the Canadian makes the rope. Out of almost nowhere the Killswitch ends this at 8:08 shown of 11:38.

Rating: B. Another good and long TV match from Smackdown as is their custom. I’ve heard some people saying Bryan is being buried or depushed, but since he’s won the case the worst loss he’s had is to Wade Barret who is hardly a nobody. He’s got (arguably) a better resume than Bryan in WWE at this point and it was a good match. Bryan has had consistently good matches against top level competition and I can’t get why people would think he’s been depushed.

Aksana says watch Super Smackdown.

Wade Barrett vs. ???

It’s a jobber but his name is never given. Barrett grabs the mic and says he’s done a lot and this is an insult because this is beneath him as a man and asking him to face a man such as this is an insult. Barrett walks off and there’s no match.

Raw ReBound eats up some time. It’s about Cena vs. Punk.

Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater

I’m not sure which Cara this is but he’s got some solid abs. It’s now the one man Southern rock band and his music sounds like that a bit as well. Del Rio vs. Sin Cara on Tuesday. Slater goes right after Cara to open things up and the fans aren’t thrilled. We hear about Slater’s background in listening to southern rock. I know the writers are lacking for characters a bit but a guy that listens to music is the best they’ve got? Anyway as the announcers argue a bit Cara hits the big cross body to the floor and the slingshot swanton and the Lionsault end this at 1:42. What the heck was that?

On a side note, from what I understand this match was taped twice because the first time was so horrible it had to be redone because it couldn’t air.

We get a recap of Orton being confronted by Legacy and the RKO to DiBiase before he could get much out at all.

Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase

Rhodes talks about being a miracle worker and that he’s resurrecting the title, which I hope is true. Basic stuff on the mat to start until Randy takes over. Shoulder block gets two for DiBiase. It’s more or less a standoff and I think they’ll have a decent amount of time to work with here. Orton gets going and stomps away to continue the slow pace of this match. DiBiase gets the following clothesline for two and a pop from the crowd. That Bizarro Land tag is pretty true.

Ted’s dropkick is countered into a slingshot and Orton unleashes his clotheslines. A move that I refuse to call a Thesz Press hits but Cody breaks up the elevated DDT. Randy tries an RKO on the floor on Cody but DiBiase hits a baseball slide to save and we take a break. Back with Orton getting taken down by a dropkick for two. Ted goes up but Orton fires off right hands and gets a superplex for two.

Orton initiates his finishing sequences and might be bleeding from his head a bit. Powerslam sets up the backbreaker but Ted counters the latter into a rollup for two. They’re trying to play up the idea that Ted knows Randy so well that he can counter everything. Dream Street is countered into a European Uppercut and there’s the elevated DDT. RKO attempt is countered into a Dream Street attempt which is reversed. Ted tries another following clothesline but walks into the RKO for the pin at 8:40 shown of 12:10.

Rating: C-. Not a horrible match but I wasn’t feeling it. These two didn’t click and after three months of Christian vs. Orton, it’s kind of hard to get into these two having such an uninteresting match. It wasn’t bad I guess but Orton needs the right guy to bring him out of his boring area and DiBiase isn’t that guy.

Post match Cody takes out Ted with Cross Rhodes. Ted gets a bagging.

Kelly Kelly vs. Tamina

A quick inset promo by Natalya says Kelly is a real Barbie doll but she doesn’t play with dolls. Do these more often WWE. They’re a great way to give the characters TV time and let them say a little something. Booker has dubbed Tamina the Warrior Princess. Kelly does her usual stuff and spanks Tamina a bit. Tamina knocks Kelly down on a headscissors attempt and we talk about Tamina’s basketball career. Cole: “Tamina once had 69 rebounds in a game.” Booker: “That’s like Wilt Chamberlain scoring 100 points but from a female perspective.” Yeah I’ve got nothing. Stink Face and a bad K2 end this at 2:45.

Jinder Mahal blames Khali for losing the battle royal last week and says Khali has been reeducated to only serve Mahal. Tonight, the target is Ezekiel Jackson.

Great Khali vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Khali shoves him around to start so Jackson charges straight at him. That makes sense for him as it’s worked against everyone else and why shouldn’t he use it again here? We get the backstory again about Khali and Mahal. Off to the nerve hold which doesn’t last long. Jackson starts firing off his clotheslines in the corner but Khali gets the big boot up. Here’s the vice grip but since Khali is a heel his submission hold is useless and Jackson breaks it as well as makes a rope. Mahal tries to cheat and gets dropped, allowing Jackson to get the torture rack for the tap out at 2:55. Ok that was impressive.

Orton says he isn’t worried about Christian and then it’s on to Henry.

Video on Henry being all dominant and evil, which I think we’ve now seen some form of about 193 times if my math is correct. The difference here: it’s a lot longer.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry

This is a rematch from Summerslam which they’ve played up about as much as humanly possible tonight. Booker says he’d be upset if he had been here 15 years like Henry had and got disrespected. It really has been 15 years. It seems like at least 16 or so. This is what you would expect from these two: a power brawl. Sheamus takes over to start and then Henry uses his power to take him back down.

Henry steps on his chest but Sheamus fires off some right hands. That goes nowhere as Henry headbutts him back down. What would a power match be without the heel throwing on a bear hug? They keep up the idea of Sheamus trying to get some shots in but Henry is too strong. Henry sets for a gorilla press but Sheamus counters into a pretty nice DDT.

He fires off the axe handles and then the forearms while Henry is in the ropes. A flying shoulder block gets two off the top. Henry rolls to the floor and the fun starts. Henry pulls him to the floor and then sends him literally flying into the barricade. Henry loads up the announce table but Sheamus counters the Slam and gets a big old Brogue Kick to send Henry over the table. Sheamus slides in to beat the count at 7:33.

Rating: C. This was really all they could do here and it’s the right move. They’re even now and Sheamus has a reason to want another crack at Henry because neither has the definitive win yet. This was exactly what you would expect in the form of a brawl and that’s what it should have been. There’s no need to have these guys try to be something they’re not and this match was watchable because of it.

Henry goes nuts after the match and manages to ram Sheamus into the apron. Sheamus fights back and rams Henry into the post but he tries to throw the steps at Henry at the post and misses. A World’s Strongest Slam onto the steps ends the show.

Overall Rating: B. Well with two long matches and the usual nothing bad from Smackdown you can’t call it a bad show. This was more of a placeholder show as the Super Smackdown was the focus, as it should be. Bret was a nice surprise but I would have liked to see him more than in just the opening segment. The Tuesday show was set up well and that’s the important thing right here. Good show but it was missing something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Impact Wrestling
Date: August 25, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s another week closer to No Surrender, meaning the BFG Series is getting close to a finish. Tonight we have Angle vs. Crimson in what is almost guaranteed to have a screwy finish due to them both being big deals at the moment. Also I’m sure we’ll get more from the Hogan/Sting/Flair saga. Anyway let’s get to it.

Also I’m not watching live so the timing may be a bit off.

We open with a recap of the two major storylines in the form of Sting/Hogan/Flair plus Angle/Crimson.

Speaking of Angle, the champion opens us up and is in ring gear. He wants to talk to Crimson and here’s the big man. Angle says Crimson wants to be the big star and wants to be famous. Tonight he’ll face the consequences. Crimson talks about respect and Angle says Crimson has to earn it. Crimson says bring it and he’ll still be standing at the end of the match.

Cue Immortal with Ray saying that Crimson needs to respect Angle. Ray asks Kurt if he’s a part of them and Angle says he can handle this himself. He tells Immortal and especially Jeff to stay out of the match. It’s time to make Crimson famous.

ODB and Jackie talk to Velvet and are partners for some reason tonight. Velvet agrees to have their backs and the other chicks say they could take Velvet out and only the cameraman could see it. ODB just walks off.

The 8/16 episode of Impact was the highest rated ever in England and Ireland. That’s a perk.

Eric and Hogan yell at Flair, telling him to make Sting go away because Hogan isn’t getting in the ring with him, period. Flair says he’ll make it up to Hogan tonight. Hogan says he needs one thing from Ric and that is for Flair to keep his mouth shut. Nothing could possibly go wrong with this plan right?

Jackie/ODB/Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love/Sarita/Rosita

Jackie and ODB are still trying to be all nice to get their contracts. Jackie rolls up Sarita for two quickly as I’m really trying to care about them. Off to Velvet and Rosita and it’s face miscommunication time! After a lot of tagging it’s off to Sarita vs. Velvet in an old feud rekindled. As almost always it goes badly for Sky and the triple team begins in the corner. It’s saying a lot that Velvet Sky being triple teamed by three hot chicks is so uninteresting.

Angelina hasn’t been in yet and is complaining that the team is only working between the two of them. She tags herself in to beat on Velvet a bit more and is promptly kicked off. Since Velvet is there for her looks though she doesn’t take the wide open tag. I guess she isn’t a fan of ODB/Jackie either. Everything breaks down and the unlikely partners tease beating up Velvet in a triple team but save her instead, giving Angelina a double suplex and putting Velvet on top for the pin at 4:07.

Rating: C-. I know I use this term a lot but this was just a six person tag. It’s nothing great but this advances the whole ODB/Jackie thing and possibly starts something with the Mexican chicks against Angelina. If we can get some fresh feuds in there I’m all for it. This wasn’t nearly as bad as some of them have been lately.

Jesse Sorensen vs. Kid Kash

This is #2 vs. #3 respectively but I doubt those numbers are going to mean much for awhile. Kash looks old and Sorensen is a face, carrying a football with him because he’s from Texas. Well I guess a weak gimmick is better than no gimmick. Kash dominates early, hitting a suplex into a release slam.

Moneymaker is blocked and Sorensen starts his comeback with a HHH leaping knee and a pretty sweet dropkick for two. Something resembling the McGillicutter gets two and Jesse goes up. Top rope cross body gets a very close two and I’m liking this Sorensen a bit. And never mind as Kash reverses a rollup and uses the tights for the pin at 3:01.

Rating: C. I liked Sorensen a lot more than I thought I would. The guy can jump pretty well and was trying to play to the crowd a bit also. The football thing doesn’t mean much but it needs time to develop obviously. Kash I don’t see the appeal to as he just looks old. He’s not bad or anything but he’s about as the same as you can be after many years.

Post match Kash yells at Sorensen, calling him a boy. Jesse is all bring it on but he gets pie faced and security breaks it up.

BFG Series stuff with Gunner saying he wants to win it. Roode and RVD say the same thing.

BFG Series Standings:

Crimson 50

Bully Ray 42

Bobby Roode 42

James Storm 40

Gunner 35

Devon 30 (Injured)

Rob Van Dam 25

AJ Styles 24

Matt Morgan 24 (Injured)

Scott Steiner 21

D’Angelo Dinero 17

Samoa Joe -10

Does Joe ever get any matches anymore?

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. D’Angelo Dinero

Morgan is on commentary because it’s a BFG Series match. Face vs. face here I think and there’s no Jerry Lynn. They’re going fast out there and Rolling Thunder hits knees. Thankfully Pope got his knees up above his chest instead of Rob just missing it which I can’t stand. Forearm gets two for Dinero.

Rob takes over again and gets a reverse bridging chinlock (Benoit used it a lot and their backs are to each other. You know the move) and then an abdominal stretch as he’s looking for the submission. They’re using the psychology here which is good to see. DDT gets two for Pope. Top rope fist drop gets two for Pope but he gets his head kicked off, resulting in a surfboard getting the submission (REALLY???) at 5:00. Rob won if that wasn’t clear.

Rating: D+. I wasn’t feeling this and while the psychology makes sense, I’m not wild on it at all as Rob using a submission just looks weird. Why wouldn’t he use the move like that the rest of the time if he can get a clean submission that fast? Not a horrible match or anything but it really could have been better given more time.

Back from a replay and Joe is here attacking Pope’s knee. He puts on a leg bar until D-Von hobbles out (he’s injured and out of the Series) and stops in front of his kids. The kids go make the save but he yells at them and eventually asks for a chair. Joe bails but D-Von did make the save.

Robbie E asks Rob Terry to be his partner/bodyguard. Terry says he’ll think about it and leaves.

Immortal has a meeting about their match and Steiner is mad.

Angelina is on the phone and the Mexican chicks come in and beat her down. Winter makes the save and FREAKS, choking I think Rosita with a curtain cord. The male Mexicans make the save.

For about the third time tonight we see some boots in the back.

Bischoff hits on Traci as she might be doing the Knockout Law thing again. Something important here: all that is mentioned here is Eric is thinking about Knockout Law. There’s no explanation about that or what Traci’s name is, so to someone new to the show, this is kind of confusing no? Eric wants to get together and sex is implied.

Here are Hogan and Flair to end the Sting situation. Hogan says the main problem right now is there’s a problem. He calls out Sting and the crazy dude is here. Hogan says this needs to end tonight because it’s gone way too far. Sting has no fries left in his Happy Meal now. Hulk says we can’t have all this craziness going on and even says he might be partially to blame. From this point forward the company will be run perfectly.

Sting says deal on one condition. Hogan says deal as he’ll do anything. Sting wants….milk and cookies for everyone. Maybe some balloons and a unicorn as well. What about puppies for all the people and some flowers (including a stereotypical gay voice for that one). This prompts some Mr. Nanny level acting from Hogan as he’s stunned. Sting kisses him on the cheek a few times and heeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Ric!

Flair goes into one of his usual insane moments, shoving Hogan and talking about how he’s the real insane one and he’ll beat Sting up when they fight because Sting respects him too much for the kill. An F Bomb is dropped in there also. Hogan is freaking Sting makes fun of Flair anyway. Sting doesn’t mind going through Flair to get to Hogan because he’s crazy like Flair. Sting wants Hogan at Bound For Glory, which I think we’ve all known was the ultimate end game for the last few months.

There’s supposed to be a hardcore BFG Series six man here but AJ comes out instead. He calls out Daniels who isn’t in the match tonight. AJ wants to talk about the rematch that Daniels wants. He doesn’t get why Chris wants the rematch and wants to know why right here. Daniels isn’t sure if he has it anymore and if he can do it at the top level anymore. He isn’t sure if he wants to be a wrestler anymore. AJ says one more time and it’s a big emotional moment. Daniels wants it at No Surrender but AJ says he’ll be in the BFG Series Final there so how about next week. Daniels says cool.

AJ Styles/Beer Money vs. Immortal

Ray/Gunner/Steiner here. This is Hardcore remember. Big brawl to start and Storm spits beer at someone, just like Steiner does at Roode. No one has been in the ring yet but they don’t have to be here. I think whoever gets the fall here gets the points. Gunner vs. AJ in the ring now and Abyss is watching from the ramp. Dang AJ has a great dropkick. It only gets one and here’s Steiner with a belly to belly.

Roode comes in and gets the Blockbuster for two. Ray kicks his head off for two and there have been no tags at all so far. Now it’s Storm with a kick to the head and a cross body for two on Ray. The former champs hit a double suplex on Ray and SHOUT THOSE NAMES. Roode looks jacked here. AJ wakes up and hits a HUGE dive to the floor to take out Ray. He’s holding his knee though.

Gunner sends Storm into the set for two and Steiner misses a chair shot. Abyss is still lookint down at them. We go split screen which for once is a good idea. The fans boo because as usual, THEY CAN’T SEE ANYTHING. Beer Money is getting beaten down and Storm has a locker dropped on his knees. Gunner, ever the smart dude, walks away as AJ hits the springboard clothesline for two on Ray back in the ring. Gunner comes back and AJ is distracted, letting Ray hit the Bubba Bomb for the pin on AJ at 6:00.

Rating: C. Meh just another six man hardcore match. It’s not bad or anything but it wasn’t great. Right in the middle works pretty well I think. It’s good to see someone move up in the ranks in the form of Ray but I’d like to see someone with an actual chance of going to BFG get the points instead. At the moment it’s looking like Beer Money, Ray and Crimson. For some reason, that doesn’t blow my skirt up.

Immortal sets for a beatdown but Anderson comes into the back in a Hummer for the save. He gets the chain from Ray and leaves Gunner gushing blood. I guess Anderson vs. Gunner or Ray can be penciled in for BFG. Granted it’s Anderson so who knows with him. Abyss walks away. I forgot he was even there.

Mickie rants about Winter/Angelina (not by name for awhile because that could tell people what they’re talking about) cheating and how she’s getting the title back next week.

Now it’s time for some Eric Young shenanigans as he finally finds Scott Baio. It actually turns into a chase scene and Young, in his underwear, jumps out of a tree onto Baio and counts the pin himself. Ladies and gentlemen, the TELEVISION CHAMPION!!! (for those counting, this would be the 12^th Impact in a row where the TV Title hasn’t been defended).

Crimson vs. Kurt Angle

There are some big match intros for you. This is non-title. The fans are split here and Crimson shoves him around to start. It’s almost all red man so far. There’s the cravate which have some knees and a neckbreaker added in for two. Angle finally gets in a shot to the bad knee and it’s time for a break.

Back with Angle holding a weird kind of arm/chinlock on Crimson. Double shoulder block puts both guys down and there’s a suplex for two. The German is no sold and the spear from Crimson gets two. There’s the ankle lock with the grapevine and Crimson actually manages to escape. The leg is no sold again and the Red Sky hits. Joe comes in for the DQ at 10:45 total as you would expect.

Rating: C+. Not horrible but the ending was all they could do. The problem here was that they had nothing else to do. With Crimson possibly looking to be in the main event of BFG and being undefeated, we can’t have him lose here. At the same time Angle can’t lose clean to him so the DQ ending was all they could do.

Joe and Angle have a brief staredown but Angle leaves so Joe can beat on him even more. Crimson no sells THAT and Joe runs.

Mike and Taz run down the card for next week.

Crimson says he wants Joe next week. Joe jumps him and beats him down (with ease) and breaks his leg using a cinder block, the steps and the power of fat.

Overall Rating: C. We’ll go with right in the middle here as there’s nothing too horrible on it but there’s nothing all that great either. Joe was the main focus of this show as it seems like he might be trying to take out everyone else and get in the back door of the tournament, which isn’t a horrible idea actually. I’m hoping they don’t do that as I wouldn’t want the whole thing to be wasted, but I’ve heard of worse ideas. Anyway not bad here but nothing great.

Impact should be up either tonight or tomorrow morning.

Clash of the Champions 23
Date: June 16, 1993
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

GAH I can’t get away from this time period in WCW can I? This really is an awkward phase for the company as they were really transitioning from the NWA days to their own world. The problem was that no one knew what their own world was. Hogan would show up in about a year though to at least give the company direction.

This is a mere three days after Hogan left WWF in case you were wondering. The main event is Flair and Anderson vs. the Hollywood Blondes for the tag belts so there you are. Let’s get to it.

Flair is back. Orndorff is hurt. Good to know.

Ron Simmons vs. Dick Slater

This was supposed to be Simmons vs. Orndorff but the injury stopped that. Simmons is over as all goodness. I’m skeptical about a guy named Dirty Dick. Who in their right mind decided to book Orndorff as a champion in the mid 90s? Simmons is a former world champion and Slater is Slater so what do you think is going to happen here? Orndorff botches interference and there’s your powerslam for the pin.

Rating: D. Nowhere near enough time to be anything here. It was supposed to be a big title match I guess but at the end of the day, Dick Slater was a joke to say the least and against Simmons it was going to be domination and that’s all it ever could be.

We go to Larry and Eric who talk to….Michael Buffer??? They’re interviewing the ring announcer for crying out loud. Oddly enough he comes off like he knows what he’s talking about instead of like he’s reading generic lines off a script. Most interesting indeed.

Steven Regal vs. Marcus Bagwell

If you’re not familiar with them go with their last names. For the life of me I can’t get over that Bill Dundee is Sir William. Seeing Regal in something resembling shape is amazing. Seeing Bagwell as a guy without an attitude is even more amazing. He’s the rookie wonder at this point so this was a big match for him. He’s in some ridiculous tag team with Scorpio at this point. Oh and there’s an NWA Title match tonight.

They’ll be gone in less than three months. Jesse says rugby is tougher than football. And to think I would have voted for him for President. Regal has barely been here at all so Bagwell might be more known. Oh dear. They announce that on Saturday a woman will be in Cleveland looking for Cactus Jack.

If you ever want to see what might be the dumbest storyline in WCW history, and let that sink in for a minute, look that one up. Scratch that about Regal. This is just his first live TV match. Regal gets a rollup out of nowhere to get the pin….to a big pop? Well that was different.

Rating: C+. Uh, yeah. This was over before it started and I barely remember it happening to be honest. I know that’s weird to say but it was almost over before it even started in my mind. It certainly wasn’t bad, but at the same time there wasn’t much here. Decent stuff though.

Maxx Payne has stolen the Badd Blaster from Johnny. Oh dear. He says he wants respect. And Payne blasts it in his face. Aww poor Johnny looking all screwed up now.

There was supposed to be a match here but now Payne wins by forfeit. Z-Man, one of the most interesting cases ever, comes out to beat up Maxx for what he did. Z-Man is the guy that worked for WWF in the late 80s, actually opening Mania 3 with Rick Martel in the team that would become Strike Force after he left. He more or less was fine one day and quitting the next, allegedly over money. He was ok in WCW but would likely be gone soon after this. He winds up tapping anyway.

NWA World Title: Barry Windham vs. 2 Cold Scorpio

This could be bad but it could be good. Windham was just holding the title for a little while before Flair got it back in about a month. Jesse asks what kind of name Scope is. Jesse brings up that he was in the Navy and Norfolk is a naval town so he’s happy here. No one believes Windham has any chance of losing here as Scorpio was young, talented and over so of course the NWA can’t let him have the belt. That’s Flair’s belt blast it.

Jesse wants to know who Jordan is betting on tonight. That’s a great line. Scorpio kicks out of a leaping, and I use that term loosely, DDT. Hey! Wanna know how Badd is? Call the Hotline and find out! Yes, we’ll not only give out private medical records, we’ll charge you for them! Windham punches the heck out of Scorpio and this is pretty one sided.

Fans are into it though so that works. In a very cool move, Scorpio is on the apron and hits a slingshot, note that it’s not a springboard, 450. Scorpio’s comeback is very good but in the end he gets caught just like you would expect him to. The Leaping DDT ends it.

Rating: B. This was way better than it should have been. When Scorpio wasn’t fat and was actually motivated, he could go with anyone and that’s what he did here. Solid match all around although the ending sucked to a fairly large extent just out of boringness.

Bischoff is with Sting, Dustin Rhodes and Davey Boy Smith who are in a big six man tonight. They talk to the people they don’t like. Simple and not very effective. Sting gets a huge pop.

Vader/Sid/Rick Rude vs. British Bulldog/Sting/Dustin Rhodes

This should be train wreckish. Vader is world champion here in case you were wondering. Sting is as over as is humanly possible. It’s bordering on scary. Sting and Rude start it off and the heat is great. Apparently Rude stole the US Title and won’t give it back. Oh I remember this: there was no champion for like four months and WCW saw nothing wrong with this at all.

Sting is beating up all three guys at once. That’s just amusing. We have Sid vs. Bulldog now, which would have been a showdown in 1992 WWF to say the least. In a cool looking sequence, Dustin just beats the living tar out of Vader and beats him down. Now I haven’t seen this since it aired, but I would bet anything on the heels winning, just based on WCW’s booking. It’s been about 6-7 minutes of domination so the other team will win in the end. I mean the heels have had NOTHING.

Ah there we go: Vader beats up Goldust. Those two followed each other over the years for some reason. They feuded in WWF and were the mystery opponents brought in to fight Austin at a Cyber Sunday. The Vader Bomb hits but it means nothing yet. Dustin is taking a beating here, meaning he’ll be fine soon enough.

Yep, I didn’t even finish that line before his comeback. See how predictable this company is? LET THE INSANITY BEGIN! Race hits Dustin with the briefcase that the US belt is in and Rude gets the pin. Yep I was right again.

Rating: D+. This was your standard main event level tag match. It’s not like anything was settled here and it’s not like it was anything great. Decent enough stuff though I guess. It set up the later matches and showdowns if nothing else, but it was way too predictable.

Tag Titles: Ric Flair/Arn Anderson vs. Hollywood Blondes

I have NO clue what that music the challengers are coming out to. This is Flair’s first match back in WCW. The Blonds really were underrated. Buffer does the big match intro and this is 2/3 falls. Flair gets a solid but not incredibly loud yet LONG pop. The Blonde have over 100 title defenses? Apparently this is for the NWA tag titles also. Oh that’s right they’re unified at this point. Oh wait that’s not right.

It’s just that no one cared about the NWA. That’s right. They’ve had 100 defenses in just over three months? That’s most impressive. This had actually gotten some build with the rather funny Flair for the Old segment setting this up. Good night Flair is over. How could they not just run Flair vs. Sting and made a boat load of money? See Hogan, Hulk. Flair gets a massive pop and it’s Flair vs. Austin. If this was five years later, the money for that match would have financed a small country.

To my complete and utter shock, Anderson works on the arm. This is very solid stuff here with the faces dominating for the majority of the match but not all of it which is a nice perk. Anderson is beaten down with the champions working on the knee. Flair gets the red hot tag even though nothing is going to end here. Flair gets the pin on Pillman off a quick shot. This is formula tag stuff but it’s working well.

Jesse points out how bad it was of the challengers to go 2/3 falls as they would be champions otherwise. Jesse is absolutely right. They’re working on Arn’s knee quite well so they’re thinking this one out I guess. Flair gets another hot tag and goes for the Figure Four on Austin but here’s Windham for the DQ.

And it’s a Dusty Finish as even though they won two straight falls, the titles can’t change hands on a DQ. Paul Roma runs down for the save. Oy vey. Windham says he’ll be ready for Flair. The match wound up sucking as NO ONE bought Windham as a world champion.

Rating: B+. If this has a clean finish it’s an A- minimum. Just a great old school tag match between two great teams. It’s nearly twenty minutes too so it got a lot of time and it paid off. WCW did manage to realize when they had a good match ready to go and could let them just do it and that’s what they did here.

Overall Rating: B. This was a good show I thought. They set up the Beach Blast PPV pretty well although it had a month to go so it wasn’t all ready yet. It’s fun to be able to see the build and the payoff for it though as I’ve reviewed the PPV as well. Either way this was solid stuff with some good matches, although the show does drag a bit at times. Still worth checking out though.

Thoughts on this?

My pick:Uncensored 1996 main event: Doomsday Cage Match.  This was the biggest mess you’ll ever see in wrestling.  There were three cages on top of a ring and the rules were mentioned like halfway into the match.  The pins didn’t matter, no one stayed in the ring, AND YOU COULDN”T SEE ANYTHING!  Just a huge mess and worth looking at so you can say “wow, this really happened.”

Your picks?

First ECW on TNN
Date: August 27, 1999
Commentator: Joey Styles

From the title I think you get the idea here. This show is weird as it’s a lot like the old WWF TV shows as it’s a collection of previously aired matches thrown together here. The first show they taped was awful so they turned it into this. The main thing is Lynn vs. Van Dam from Hardcore Heaven 99 which I’ll re-review and see how it matches up with the original rating I gave it, which is something I don’t think I’ve done before. Let’s get to it.

We open with a clip of the Dudleys (who would leave for WWF in like a week) powerbombing someone through a flaming table as Joey says this isn’t WCW or WWF but ECW.

Cue theme song. The main focus is Tazz who would leave in like 2-3 months and everyone knew that was going to happen.

Joey lists off a bunch of people to have held the TV Title but says RVD might be better than all of them.

TV Title: Rob Van Dam vs. Jerry Lynn

I think this is new commentary here but I’m not sure. This is really just a way to introduce Van Dam and give us what they know is an exciting match. You can’t hear a word the ring announcer is saying. They start with a nice sequence where neither can get any real advantage but the fans love it. We actually get highlights of both guys in the middle of the match. I get that you want to showcase two of your top guys but dude, do it when there’s not a match on.

Van Dam gets knocked to the floor and Lynn takes over. Lynn gets a top rope bulldog for two. RVD is bleeding from…..something. I think at this point we go to a commercial as we get an ad for Anarchy Rulz. Joey suggests the Warrior could be coming to ECW. Oh dear. Yeah the commentary here is new. Lynn is bleeding too now after botching a fall to the floor and hitting his foot on the ropes. The replay has a rap song with it. Really?

Lynn gets a sunset powerbomb for two. What would an ECW match be without tables? Van Dam’s eye is messed up and black as coal. Van Daminator in the stands as this match is kind of hard to follow. Another commercial doesn’t help as they don’t stop the match for it, which is either a good idea or a bad idea and I’m not sure which. Lynn gets another sunset powerbomb through the table on the floor.

CUE THE RAP SONG REPLAY! After a clip or a commercial, Fonzie takes a chair pelted at his head. Lynn goes for a top rope belly to belly but he just falls off. You know the chant we get from that. Cradle Piledriver is blocked and both guys are down. Split Legged Moonsault hits Lynn. PAY ATTENTION MORRISON. THAT IS HOW YOU DO THE FREAKING MOVE. And there’s the Five Star out of more or less nowhere but Lynn rolls through for two. Van Daminator and a HUGE Five Star ends it.

Rating: B-. The clipping hurts this a lot. It makes this look like far less of an ultra competitive match and more like RVD just breaking a sweat. It’s still good but at the same time it really makes Lynn look weak. At the same time though this was about RVD and that worked very well. This was still good but a different kind of good. I gave the PPV version a B as I still find these matches to be overrated by most ECW fans.

We plug Rollerjam (which as a kid I thought was a cool show. The women were hot if nothing else) and then talk about the ECW World Title, listing off guys that didn’t win it but tried to, such as Konnan, Benoit, Austin and Foley. I’m not entirely sold on talking about guys that USED to be here, but you could look at it like this: We had these guys before they were superstars. Imagine what kind of buried treasures we have here now. That makes sense.

Shane threw down the NWA Title, which meant nothing to most fans watching this show but whatever. That was 5 years before the debut of the TV show. Didn’t know that.

ECW World Title: Taz vs. Rhyno

This is from Hardcore TV or a house show. Rhyno hits a powerbomb 3 seconds in and Taz just pops up. Rhyno means nothing at this point which you can probably guess. Well we’re in Chicago if nothing else. Taz is massacring him here with Rhyno looking like a  jobber. He’s hit two punches to the ribs and a no sold powerbomb. Tazz sets up a table and Rhyno hits new levels of offense with THREE punches to the ribs. Suplex through the table sets up the Tazmission. Total squash if there ever has been one.

Rating: N/A. This was DOMINANCE which is the idea I guess, but Rhyno looks like a freaking joke here. The problem is that these matches are just random defenses with no meaning to them. We keep hearing about Steve Corino and how he’s Taz’s archenemy, but we never even see him.

Video on Sabu who is apparently awesome. No match or anything but just highlights.

Ad for Anarchy Rulz again.

Spike Dudley vs. Big Sal

Low blow and Acid Drop end it. Literally that’s the whole thing. Who is Spike? Who is Sal? “Spike has done it again!” What does he do? Apparently that’s not important. Ah ok they call him the Giant Killer.

The Impact Players introduce themselves and we have no idea if they mean anything or not. Cyrus pops up for no apparent reason as Jason makes gay jokes about Joey. We see clips of the Impact Players beating people up which helps a bit as we know they’re dominant.

House show ads.

We get a BUNCH of clips of guys and a brief description (as in their nickname) of them. It’s set to a Kid Rock song so what do you expect here?

Taz talks about how TNN and ECW are together now and how cool that is I guess. We get clips of famous people he’s made tap out. He talks for like three minutes and that ends this mess.

Overall Rating: D. This was a total mess. Considering this is the first show, this was just awful as you learn nothing about the guys other than Taz being a tough guy and RVD is awesome. Other than that though you get nothing at all here though and other than a single good match to start, this gave us nothing. We have no idea about any feuds or angles or anything like that as it was just a few squashes and one big match from months earlier. This just didn’t work as Heyman clearly didn’t know what he was doing, which became a theme here. Bad show and just a car wreck of an hour.

NXT
Date: August 23, 2011
Location: Scotiabank Saddledome, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

Yes we’re STILL in this season and now they’ve started bringing in other Divas like Maxine. You would think that someone somewhere would have an idea about where they’re going with this but it doesn’t seem like there’s one in sight at all. It’ll be more Titus vs. the evil two and no sign of the show ending at all while JTG and Striker have some random matches that no one cares about. Let’s get to it.

“A great main event.” Gee I wonder what it’ll be.

We’re in Canada tonight so who knows what the fans will be like.

Striker is in the ring and Young comes out to yell at him again. We get it already: Young hates him and has beaten him twice. PLEASE give us a loser leaves town match or something. Striker admits he can’t beat Young and after some Canadian insults Young kicks Striker in the gut and beats him down. Regal gets up from the desk and makes the save. Dude…..SERIOUSLY? You mean there aren’t enough people on this show already so we’re bringing in more from the announce desk? Whoever gets this show’s ideas together needs to start a workout series on how to stretch because it would be AWESOME.

Tyson Kidd vs. Trent Barreta

We talk about who the Japanese characters could have meant, including Kenzuke Sasaki, Yoshi Kwan or someone named Toyota. Why are announcers so stupid at times? The fans chant for Kidd (naturally) as Regal rants a bit. Regal rants about Young, calling himself and Striker “old veterans”. Striker wrestled in WWE for what, a year and a half? How much of an old pro can he be?

This is a can you top this match as both guys try to show off and neither really gets anywhere. Tyson takes over via the arm and down goes Trent. The fans popping like mad for Tyson Kidd is just weird to see. Forearm puts Kidd down and gets two. Kidd sends him into the corner and Trent gets the feet up but keeps them on Kidd’s chest, driving them down into kind of a double stomp.

Regal mentions his trainer, a man named Marty Jones and implies he kept Regal out of the Calgary territory for some reason that Regal isn’t happy with. Barreta has had four matches with Kidd but has never beaten him. That’s all you need for a little story sometimes and it’s fine for a simple match like this one. Kidd comes in off a springboard but Trent gets a dropkick to block for two and we take a break to talk about some video game that no one cares about anymore.

Back with Trent holding a headlock. I can’t tell what the fans are chanting now but it doesn’t sound like Tyson Kidd or anything like that. Out to the floor and Kidd gets a BIG kick to the head and something like a spinning DDT/neckbreaker to take over but both guys are down. Grisham asks about Regal and Young and Regal gets in a funny line with “I don’t hate anybody. Ok yes I do.”

Trent gets in a nice diving legdrop to the floor which gets two in the ring. This is getting some time and we’re getting a solid match out of it. Barreta goes up and gets crotched (Grisham: right in the capital of Thailand!), letting Kidd hit a top rope rana but Trent rolls through into a sunset flip but Tyson rolls through into a Sharpshooter attempt but Trent rolls through THAT into a victory roll for two. Sweet sequence there.

They slug it out and neither can get a solid advantage for a bit. Jumping knee to the head gets two for Trent. This has been almost great stuff so far. It almost sounds like the fans are chanting for Daniel Bryan. Double clothesline puts both guys down and Trent tries the tornado DDT but gets caught in a Canadian Mapleleaf. Lance Storm is in attendance according to commentary. And never mind as the Japanese characters pop up on the screen again and the distraction lets Trent hit the tornado DDT for the pin at 15:00.

Rating: B. Heck of a back and forth match here but the ending leaves something to be desired. I get that we’re setting up the idea of Tatsu coming back but can we just get back to the feud so that it can end and we can get a mention of an elimination? I know that’s a lost cause anymore but whatever. Still though, very solid match here as has become expected on this show.

We recap Maxine returning from last week.

Bateman is rubbing her shoulders and talks about how awesome they are and how much better they’ll be than other power couples. They don’t like AJ and Horny. Sex is implied.

AJ vs. Maxine

This is Maxine’s first match in a long time. Regal sings her praises and Maxine takes over. Horny is on the apron for this for no apparent reason. The crowd has gone from hot for the first match to dead for this one. Todd says Maxine should fear the beard of Hornswoggle. I can see the t-shirts now. AJ has gotten in nothing at all yet. Suplex gets two for Maxine. In a very telling/funny moment, Regal talks about going to get a haircut the other day and asking for highlights but only getting a DVD of other haircuts. Todd: “We’re really struggling in this match. Maxine GET THE WIN ALREADY.”

Maxine puts the chinlock on again and we hear about how she has a bunch of nationalities in her. So that’s what she’s done in the last year. AJ finally gets in a shot to take over and that lasts about 3 seconds. Maxine takes her down and Bateman is begging for a cover. Spinwheel kick takes Maxine down and a cross body gets two. Further proof of the dying commentary: “AJ going the aerial route and I’m not talking about the Little Mermaid.” Bateman shoves Horny down and the distracted AJ is rolled up for the pin at 6:26.

Rating: F. No. One. Cares. I haven’t heard a crowd go that quiet in a long time. I know Maxine has done some stuff in FCW that was impressive I guess but now on the main stage no one cares at all. She’s not interesting and is just another blonde chick that is out there offering sex to her male partner and that’s about it. Why should I care about another chick doing the same heel jazz?

Post match Titus makes the save.

Bret will be on Smackdown which is from Calgary and is GM for the night. Certainly can’t argue with that decision.

After seeing a sign that says Satan 3:16, here’s Cena vs. Punk from last night. You know the drill: it might be clipped, I don’t watch it and here’s the whole review from last night.

John Cena vs. CM Punk

Ace and Del Rio are at ringside. The fans throw Cena’s shirt back twice. I’ll take it if they don’t want it. This is a pro-Punk crowd. It’s a slow start but they have some time. The fans chant for the Oilers (hockey team) and here comes Cena. He goes into the finishing sequence very quickly. The Shuffle is countered into a rollup for two very quickly. Leg lariat sets up the corner knee and bulldog for no cover.

Punk goes up but gets knocked to the floor as we take a break. Back and both guys are down. Punk grabs the GTS but Cena escapes as does Punk from the AA. Another AA attempt fails and Punk gets the springboard clothesline for two. GTS is countered into an STF attempt but Punk escapes. Cena uses pure power to push Punk down into the STF where Punk is in trouble.

That’s a good looking hold but Punk makes the ropes. Cena’s shoulder goes into the post and the GTS gets two. They’re telling a good story as they know regular stuff isn’t going to work so they’re throwing bombs from the beginning. Punk goes up but the elbow misses. I love that tribute he does to Savage. That’s what it should be: a move done in his honor and the point to the sky is perfect in multiple ways for Savage.

Cena now goes up and hits the Famesasser for two. AA #4 is countered into a SWEET running knee for two. HUGE AA gets a very close two. Again I love the throwing huge stuff and almost nothing but huge stuff. Top rope cross body is rolled through into the AA but Punk reverses into a sunset flip for two. He sets for the GTS but here’s Nash again, saying it’s not over with Punk. Punk turns around and the AA sends Cena to Night of Champions at 14:25.

Rating: B+. Seriously were you expecting anything but a good match here? They have that chemistry that you need and it’s showing here. You give these two fifteen minutes and they’ll give you the top level match they’re capable of. Obviously TV is different than PPV but this was rather awesome indeed. Good match as the kicking out was good stuff.

Overall Rating: D+. I can’t say it’s a failure due to the great first match, but considering none of the rookies were on the card in a show ABOUT ROOKIES, it’s hard to say this was a show that did the things it was supposed to do. Cena vs. Punk is great, but did we need to watch the whole thing for over ten minutes while the rookies didn’t even wrestle?

This show has turned into an indy level TV show. You get one good match a week and then a highlight from a better show with bigger stars. Nothing is mentioned about the competition anymore other than someone saying they’ll win it. It’s really not a horrid wrestling show, but if you expect it to be anything resembling what it claims to be, you’re in for a disappointment/a big surprise, depending on where you stand.

Results

Trent Barreta b. Tyson Kidd – Tornado DDT

Maxine b. AJ – Rollup