Wrestlemania 20
Date: March 14, 2004
Location: Madison Square Garden, New York City, New York
Attendance: 20,000
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
Star Spangled Banner: Harlem Boys Choir

This just feels right. Wrestlemania is supposed to be at MSG. This show is considered to be the show where the new generation took control as Cena debuted, Eddie was defending a title, and Benoit challenged for a title. Sadly, two of them are gone now so those plans have been completely derailed.

This show is the first of the modern HOF induction shows as well as having the first smaller arena show in four years. I’m split on that actually. The smaller shows are better in the sense that it’s more personalized and there simply isn’t a place better than MSG, but the stadiums show off the spectacle more. Really depends on what you like. Anyway, let’s get to it.

The Harlem Boys Choir sings America the Beautiful and we go into the opening video. This is definitely the biggest show of all time with major matches and us at Madison Square Garden. The main event is Benoit vs. Shawn vs. HHH which has the problem of Shawn. There is zero point to having him in there but he’s there so that HHH doesn’t have to job to Benoit clean. Whatever I guess.

To end the video we see Vince, Shane and Vince’s grandson, which I believe is the first time Vince’s grandchildren have appeared on WWE programming.

US Title: John Cena vs. Big Show

Cena is the rapper at this point and hasn’t really gotten established at all at this point. He had been around a little under two years at this point and had turned mega face. You could see that he had what it took back then but he was being paced along very well. Show is champion coming into this. He was more or less worthless (yeah a stretch I know) as champion here so the ending wasn’t really in doubt.

John does his represent thing before the match starts. Dang you could see the star just trying to break out in him. He does a quick rap about Show and says Show is a gorilla. Cena’s hand is taped up so maybe he’s hurt or something. This isn’t really funny or anything but it gets the crowd going which is the point. Granted it’s a New York crowd so it’s not like it takes much work overall.

The title literally looks like a toy on Show’s shoulder. This is serious Show who has been motivated/focused lately which means he’ll lose a big match soon. Cena tries to get around the power to start which doesn’t really work at all. He gets sent to the floor and needs to rethink his strategy. Show allegedly retired Hogan in this building. Which retirement was that?

A cross body off the top by Cena of course fails as it always has against Show. Cena gets the powerslam that he deserves for being an idiot like that. He hammers away which gets him nowhere other than clotheslined down with ease. They have the picture of the current match on the opposite side from the cameras which is a cool thing to see.

Show suplexes Cena and he goes flying which makes John look like a toy. I know you hear that a lot but it’s true here. Headbutt puts Cena down and Show stands on his back. Cena hammers away but gets kicked in the face to end that. Show adds that standing legdrop that I think is called the Showstopper depending on who you listen to for two. The fans chant for Cena.

Cena tries a sleeper which is broken up rather quickly. This has more or less been all Show. Cobra Clutch by Show and Cena is in trouble. Naturally he just lets it go to put it right back on. Cena fights back with right hands and takes the knee out to send Show’s face into the buckle. FU gets two and Cena isn’t sure what to do now. Cena grabs the chain he brought with him but throws it down to distract the referee. The knuckles he carried with him also winds up going upside Show’s head and Cena has his first title.

Rating: C-. Basic big man vs. little man match here but at the same time, not much going on with it at all. Show dominated and Cena hit like three moves to take over and win the thing. That being said, the fans were into Cena which is the whole point. Not bad but kind of generic overall.

Coach is in the back and runs into some random people that aren’t important before saying hi to Teddy Long. He goes into Bischoff’s office to find he and Johnny Spade. Spade had just gotten a name change from Johnny Blaze. A few weeks later he was Johnny Nitro, and a few years later he was John Morrison. Didn’t realize he’d been there that long. Coach is told to go find the Undertaker, who was redebuting for the 58th time tonight.

Evolution minus HHH is in the back and Orton says he’s going to become a hardcore legend. As a former OVW Hardcore Champion, he’s well on his way. He never did that, but he got close a month later at Backlash. If you haven’t seen that match, go do so immediately. Well worth the 15 minutes it takes up. Anyway we see a clip of Orton hurting Foley back in June as this was almost a year long storyline. Oh and he’s IC Champion. The idea is that Foley is scared of Orton but has a backbone now. Oh and Rock is with him for a handicap match. That always helps.

Raw Tag Titles: Rob Van Dam/Booker T vs. Garrison Cade/Mark Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. Dudley Boys

Wow. You can see the division dying as we speak. The Dudleyz would more or less be gone in four months, save for the One Night Stand main event. We then have the one decent tag team on the brand at the time, and then two generic guys packaged as a “team”. RVD and Booker are your odd combination tag team. This is one fall to a finish. The remix of RVD and Booker’s songs was really quite bad.

Dupree vs. Van Dam to start us off here. Booker comes in quickly and gets a superkick to Renee for two. Bubba is tagged in. Why would you tag out here if it’s one fall to a finish? The Dudleys are faces for this week. The fans already want tables. At least they’re patient as they waited a full minute before starting that chant here.

Ross thinks Booker is a young man. That’s rather amusing. Bubba tries to do the suck on this deal and gets kicked in the face for his efforts. This is more or less RVD/Booker vs. the Dudleys with two other teams in the background. Jindrak gets two on Booker. It’s Garrison Cade at this point too. Who thought that would be a good name? I mean dude, Garrison Cade? Really?

Dupree comes in and La Resistance takes over for a bit. It’s Dupree/Conway in this form of La Resistance as that team changed every few months. No real reason given for why these teams are in here but does it really matter? The fans chant for USA while Conway, the American, is in there. Conway gets an elbow for two, which JR says was opportunistic. How? Isn’t that like doing his job?

Conway uses a bow and arrow hold for awhile to kill some time. Spinebuster gets Booker out of trouble. Wow Van Dam was in a good amount of worthless tag teams. RVD comes in and cleans house. The Five Star is blocked as D-Von shoves him off the top. Everything breaks down and it’s Booker (illegal) vs. D-Von (also illegal). 3D is broken up by Cade and then an axe kick sets up the Five Star on Conway for the champions to retain.

Rating: D. Totally boring match here that should have been on Raw. The division if you want to call it that was completely dead by this point and nothing was going to save it. The titles needed to be unified back then but wouldn’t be until 2010. Weak match that had no need to be on Mania in the slightest.

In the basement, the Coach hears noises coming from behind a door and opens it to find Gene Okerlund trying to get dressed. He tries to explain why he’s there and Bobby Heenan stumbles out half dressed as well. Coach says it’s not what you think. There was a poker game according to Heenan. Moolah and Mae pop out and drag the guys back in where frightening sounds are heard. One of my all time favorite segments.

We recap Christian vs. Jericho which was a great storyline. This started with Jericho and Christian betting a Canadian Dollar that Jericho could sleep with Trish before Christian could sleep with Lita. Trish found out about the bet and got all ticked off. Jericho fell for Trish and Christian tried to get his head back on straight. This led to Christian vs. Trish with Christian hurting Trish. Tonight is the grudge match. This was a great buildup and the video has me wanting to see the match years later. That’s a really good sign.

Christian vs. Chris Jericho

 

I guess Lita was just dropped from this after awhile for reasons unknown. They lock up for a bit and then Jericho is like screw it and takes Christian down with right hands. Clothesline takes him down again. Christian sends him to the apron but gets backdropped to the floor. All Jericho in the opening few minutes and we get a big Y2J chant.

Jericho hits that springboard cross body to the floor and then sends Christian into the barricade. Back in and Christian’s sunset flip attempt is countered into the Walls. They’re not applied though and Christian is able to get a thumb to the eye and then dump Jericho to the floor. Christian chokes away and talks trash to Jericho at the same time. He’s multi-tasking I guess.

Knee to the ribs by Christian as the fans are surprisingly quiet here. They don’t seem bored though and are instantly back into it when Christian hits a chinlock. I guess they’re interested here. Christian pulls some of Jericho’s hair out which gets him two. Ah the old hair attack. Haven’t seen that in years. Back to the chinlock but Jericho tries for the Walls again and again they don’t work.

Christian chokes away but Jericho fights back. Off to a neck crank for a second but Jericho is taken down by the hair as he tries to escape. Hey here’s another chinlock. Walls are attempted again and again fails. Spinwheel kick gets two on Jericho. Jericho gets a forearm and a knee to the back as he’s starting a comeback. Running enziguri gets two.

Rollup by both guys gets two and Christian’s had a handful of ropes. Northern Lights Suplex by Jericho gets two. Lionsault attempt winds up eating knees but the Unprettier can’t hit either. Reverse tornado DDT out of the corner gets two for Christian. They’re moving a lot more out there now. Backbreaker by Christian and he goes up. Jericho is slammed off and Christian hits a cross body which is rolled through for two by Jericho.

Christian throws on a Texas Cloverleaf and Jericho is in trouble. This is the first time they’ve had a bit of a break in a good while. Jericho breaks that and tries the Walls for the fourth time which doesn’t work either. He finally gets them on the fifth try but on the floor. As Christian tries to get back in he gets caught in a double underhook suplex off the top for two.

And here comes Trish. I’m pretty sure you know how this is going to end but she looks great in a tied off shirt so I can’t complain. Edgecution by Christian gets a long two. Christian drags Trish in and shoves her down. Trish “accidentally” nails Jericho and Christian gets a rollup and the win with it.

Rating: B. Decent match but it could have been a lot more. This was a match where the buildup was better than the match. The feud would continue for a good while though and it continued to be rather solid. Fun stuff here and pure popcorn soap opera stuff which is usually a good combination.

Post match Trish slaps Jericho, turning heel and leaves with Christian. The crowd is TICKED. Trish and Christian kiss to a big reaction as they leave.

Now we get to one of the more entertaining part of the show. Foley is talking about being nervous about having his first match in four years but Rock pops up and cuts him off. He talks about how there’s no reason to be nervous because everyone knows what’s coming. Hurricane and Rosey know it. Don Muraco and Jimmy Snuka know it.

But most importantly the people know it. Make sure you get a shot of the people. Rock says let’s go take care of Evolution, if you smell what the Rock (Foley: and Sock) IS COOKING! Funny promo.

Evolution vs. The Rock/Mick Foley

Now this has an interesting backstory to it. Back in December, Orton was on his Legend Killer gimmick and called out Foley. Foley got ready to fight him but at the last minute bailed out, allowing Orton to spit on him and walk out of the arena, branding him as a coward. At the Royal Rumble, Orton had made a long run but Foley entered at #21 and beat the crap out of Orton.

The problem with this was that when you go after Orton, you get all of Evolution. Except HHH who had more important things to do than fight two first ballot Hall of Famers. This made it 3-1, so Foley needed help. Rock returns to help his friend, and we get this as the end result. If you ever want to see the match that almost single handedly got Batista and Orton over, this is it. It was them being in there with the big boys and we could see what they can do.

I love the old school vs. new school dynamic here. The Rock N Sock Connection hit the ring and the fight is on. Rock vs. Batista is really weird to see. How weird is it that Rock retired younger than Foley? Rock vs. Flair is something that is just awesome to look at and it officially starts us off here. Rock does Flair’s strut and they lock up.

Out to the floor and Flair slips a thumb into the eye. That gets him nowhere as he gets slammed on the floor and Foley adds an elbow off the apron. Off to Orton now and Foley wants in. Orton bails but Foley somehow catches him and the beating is on. Back in with Foley in control. Rock comes in and punches Orton in the balls and then Flair smacks him in the back of the head.

Rock fights off Evolution but gets caught by Batista on the floor with the power game. Off to Orton vs. Rock in the ring now with Orton hammering away. Make that Batista. He’s not as big as he would get but still gets two off an elbow drop. Flair comes in now and throws chops in the corner. He tries to strut and gets his head taken off by a running clothesline. Well why mess with the basics?

Like an idiot, Flair goes up and gets slammed down. Why is anyone surprised at that? Off to Batista who hammers away. The crowd being all attentive is weird. Rock gets a clothesline to Batista and it’s off to Foley now. Double arm DDT is blocked and it’s a slug out. Running knee in the corner is stopped by a clothesline though. That’s a popular move in this match isn’t it?

On the floor Foley grabs the Claw on Orton out of nowhere. This is a good match so it’s hard to make jokes here. For the 1000^th time in his career Foley’s knees slam into the steps with a LOUD bang. Orton in now who hammers away even more. Make that Flair who chops Foley down and then they slug it out. Foley takes him down but Orton comes in for a chinlock/face pull to stop Foley.

Batista comes in as Evolution keeps up that fast tagging. He starts the ground and pound on Foley but Mick slips a hand up and grabs the Claw to break it up. Orton comes in for the save and they keep tagging in and out very quickly. Swinging neckbreaker to Batista buys Foley some time and a double clothesline buys him even more time.

Flair comes in to break up the tag but a shot to the head is enough to bring in Rock who cleans house. DDTs and right hands all around but a Batista spinebuster takes him down. And now Flair wants to do the People’s Elbow. Rock nips up while Flair struts and drills him. There’s a spinebuster for Flair and it’s the REAL People’s Elbow, complete with Rock’s 8^th strut of the match.

RKO doesn’t work but the Rock Bottom does. Flair makes a last second save and then SPRINTS around the ring to grab a chair. Batista Bomb to Rock which gets two for Orton. Rock manages to bring in Foley and he finally gets his hands on Orton. Foley loads up Socko but takes too long and Orton grabs a quick RKO for the pin. Foley sits up afterwards which I like as it makes it look like Foley got stunned but not knocked out. And that my friends, is how you put people over.

Rating: A. This wasn’t so much a great match but rather a work of art out there. They knew what they were doing and the two old masters made stars out of young guys. This is what you’re supposed to do out there as the old guys look great as well and like I said, it was a quick win rather than a dominating one. The key thing there though was that it was a win. Great stuff and worth seeing for what it means to put someone over.

Rock and Foley get a standing ovation as they deserve.

This year’s HOF class is honored. No big name here except Jesse Ventura. Next year it really picks up though. Heenan breaking up over wishing Monsoon was there with him is a very touching moment. Harley Race and Tito Santana go in too. teases running for President in 2008.

They bring them out into the arena to have Mean Gene do the presentations to the crowd. The full list is Bobby Heenan (can barely talk due to throat cancer. The fans chant weasel and Heenan’s reaction is of course hilarious), Tito Santana (one of the most underrated guys ever despite being considered great), Big John Studd (dead, his son is here), Harley Race (one of the best heels ever), Pete Rose (deserves to be in due to what he did at Mania. He was said to be incredibly gracious about being in so I can live with this).

Back to the wrestlers with Don Muraco (took the Snuka Splash that apparently every wrestler ever was inspired by), Great Valentine (gets one of the biggest pops surprisingly enough. Looks JUST like he did in the ring and still does to this day as far as I know), Junkyard Dog (Also dead, his daughter is here for him. It was her high school graduation that he died on the way home from), Billy Graham (perhaps the most influential heel of all time), Sgt. Slaughter (go watch the Alley Fight with Pat Patterson. Incredible fight), and Jesse Ventura (do I need to explain this one?

What’s the best way to follow that up? With this of course:

Sable/Torrie Wilson vs. Miss Jackie/Stacy Keibler

Instead of the traditional rules, this is pinfall. Blast it. This is happening because Torrie/Sable are in Playboy. Sable was doing a weird lesbian kind of thing at the time with Torrie, which is odd because Torrie had just come off a lesbian angle with Dawn, which ended apparently in her sleeping with Dawn.

Sable requests they all start in their underwear. Taz and Cole are cracking up over a joke Taz makes. It actually was funny and tells me these guys are funny in real life. I’m trying not to pay attention here as this is depressing. Torrie and Sable win.

Rating: F. I hate these things. They’re a total waste of time, we’ve seen the girls like this before, and it’s nothing special at all. Total waste of about 9 minutes.

We get some clips from Axxess.

Eddie comes in to talk to Benoit who is very nervous to say the least. He says that win or lose, he’ll be proud of Chris. Benoit says he won’t lose. Eddie says no one really expects Benoit to win, more or less sealing his title win. Benoit says he’s proud of Eddie for winning the WWE Title and Eddie starts laughing. He wants Benoit to get fired up and Benoit is. Tonight they both walk out world champions.

Cruiserweight Title: Cruiserweight Open

This is a ten man gauntlet match. Think Tag Team Turmoil with the champion, Chavo Jr., going tenth. Everyone stands at ringside so I’ll just list them off as they go in. Rey comes out last and is the Flash this year. Ultimo Dragon vs. Shannon Moore to start and they’re moving out there, getting three two counts in maybe 40 seconds. Back suplex by Shannon gets two. Whisper in the Wind by Moore misses and Dragon hits the Asai DDT (sets for a Stunner but backflips over Shannon to slam the back of his head into the mat. Looks great) for the pin. I hope this isn’t a pattern.

Jamie Noble is in third and he jumps Dragon to take an early advantage. Dragon unleashes the kicks but misses a moonsault. A neckbreaker by Noble sets up a guillotine choke by Noble to get rid of Dragon.

Funaki comes in and is rolled up and pinned in 4 seconds. I hate these kind of matches for stupid stuff like these last two eliminations. This would never happen in a regular match and makes Funaki and Dragon look like blundering morons.

Nunzio comes in next and begs off instead of charging, which I think is logical here. They trade some holds and Nunzio gets a victory roll for two. Big kick gets two for Nunzio. He tries an O’Connor Roll but Noble ducks to send him to the floor. Noble dives on him with a front flip to put both guys down and Nunzio is counted out.

Billy Kidman is in now and Nunzio trips Noble. Kidman climbs the ropes and throws a Shooting Star Press but underrotates and lands ON TOP OF HIS HEAD! That gets two in the ring and Noble grabs that guillotine again. It’s easily reversed and Kidman adds a running enziguri. He tries the Shooting Star again but Noble runs up to block it. Short powerbomb off the middle ropes gets rid of Noble though as that might have been the longest fall at just under two minutes.

Rey comes in and gets half killed by a dropkick. He gets whipped in and baseball slides between Kidman’s legs while on his back. Kind of awesome. Kidman takes over after some interference from Tajiri’s friend Akio for no apparent reason. They go to the corner and Mysterio gets a sunset bomb to end Kidman.

Tajiri in next and he grabs the Tarantula very quickly. Handspring elbow is blocked by a dropkick and there’s the 619. Akio interferes again and winds up taking the mist to the face. Rey grabs a rollup to end Tajiri.

Akio can’t fight because of the mist. Whatever.

Tajiri kicks Rey in the head and it’s down to Chavo and Mysterio. Rey avoids a charge and gets a rana to take over. Down goes Chavo Senior via a baseball slide. The referee won’t let Rey dive on him though. Dang it give us our injured senior citizens! Ok he’s in his mid 50s here but he looks about 80. Rey is like screw it and dives over the referee to crush Chavo Senior. He tries a sunset flip but Chavo grabs the hand of his son to get the pin to retain. So Chavo pinned Rey in about 1:50? Got it.

Rating: D+. That’s overall. The problem here is simple: they went through it WAY too fast and it was impossible to get into any of the matches. These things need like 30 minutes to work which is why you never see them. This would have been WAY better as a fatal fourway but since both tag titles are in that format we had this. Not a fan of these at all because they make the guys in them look far too beatable.

We recap Goldberg vs. Brock. Goldberg was #30 in the Rumble and was being interviewed prior to the match. Lesnar got annoyed that he wasn’t being interviewed since he was WWE Champion at the time. He came in and beat up Goldberg in the Rumble so that Angle could eliminate him after Goldberg was dominating. Austin gave Goldberg a ticket to No Way Out and said don’t do anything he wouldn’t do. Goldberg speared Brock and Eddie won the title because of it (great match if you’ve never seen it).

Austin was named guest referee and then Lesnar popped up and gave Austin an F5. This basically turned into Austin vs. Lesnar instead with Goldberg being on the side. Lesnar stole Austin’s four wheeler and ticking Austin off. Austin beat Lesnar up and took it back, which totally took the spotlight off of Goldberg to eventually set up Brock vs. Austin.

However, this was Lesnar’s last WWE match s he went to the NFL and then the UFC, which made Austin more or less pointless here. Oh and it’s Goldberg’s last match too. Think they’re going to give it that old college try and work as hard as they can? If so, you’re not that smart.

Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar

Let the chanting begin! The shorts on Goldberg never looked right. They stand around for about 20 seconds and we get to the far more interesting part of this match: the crowd. Almost immediately we get a YOU SOLD OUT chant directed at Lesnar. It’s one of the loudest you’ll ever hear outside of Philly and it shakes the guys up it seems. The announcers actually acknowledge it which is saying a lot.

Make that a minute of standing around. There’s the Goodbye Song as they’ve literally stood there staring at each other for a minute and a half. Ross tells us Lesnar is gone and they shout F Bombs at each other. Two minutes with zero contact at all. Now the fans chant for Austin, likely wanting him to Stun them both and just end it at that. Two and a half minutes now. This is all considered part of the match mind you.

At 2:45 they lock up. Amusingly enough Goldberg is called a mixed martial arts aficionado. They go down to their knees in a lockup. That eats up literally 45 seconds and it’s back to staring at each other. We’re four minutes into a thirteen and a half minute match and the total amount of contact is 45 seconds, literally all of which is on a lockup. Think about paying a ticket to see this, one of the feature matches, and getting this. They deserve the crowd reaction they’re getting.

They lock up again and that eats up almost 30 more seconds. The crowd chants THIS MATCH SUCKS and they’re right. The first offensive move of the match comes five minutes in (and yes I’m counting via a counter on the video) with a headlock by Lesnar that goes nowhere. They exchange shoulder blocks and then knock each other down with them. We’re 6:30 into this now and the move list in its entirety is: tie up, tie up, head lock, Goldberg shoulder block, Lesnar shoulder block, double shoulder block.

FINALLY things pick up a bit as Lesnar kicks away. Goldberg is like screw that and press slams him, bringing him down with a half spear/half spinebuster. The regular spear misses though and Goldberg goes chest first into the post. We hit the floor for some Lesnar dominance. I guess that was all the offense Goldberg had in him. The fans aren’t that impressed and tell Goldberg that he sucks.

Back in now and Lesnar really upgrades his offense with a suplex. Into a headlock with an arm trap. This is terrible. This eats up about a minute until Goldberg flips him to ZERO pop. Oh hey let’s go right back to the hold again because it worked so well the first time. Then they ram into each other again and are both down. The fans aren’t exactly happy.

Ross calls the match pedestrian. No Ross, taking a walk would be way more interesting than this. The fans boo the heck out of it as Goldberg makes his comeback. The crowd is chanting for Hogan. In 2004. Wow. Spinning neckbreaker sets up the spear for two. Yeah back then they wanted to drop the Jackhammer because the company was really stupid. F5 hits out of nowhere for two as well. Lesnar misses the spear and then the spear and Jackhammer ends it to make Goldberg 1-0!

Rating: F. This was a disgrace. I don’t care if you’re leaving or not, you don’t do it that way. No excuse for this whatsoever.

Austin, who did NOTHING in the match, stuns both guys post match to try and keep the fans from storming the ring to kill the guys in the match.

WM 21 is in LA.

Vince comes out and says there’s someone that should be thanked for Mania making it to #20. He then amazes even me, perhaps the most jaded wrestling fan there is and he thanks the fans. This amazed me to no end when I saw it and it still does today. Love him or hate him, this was pure class right here.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Rikishi/Scotty 2 Hotty vs. APA vs. World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Basham Brothers

More filler here before we get to the real main events. This is one fall to a finish again. The APA was more or less worthless by this point. I didn’t even know they were still together in 04. Bradshaw would be world champion in the summer. Rikishi and Scotty have the titles coming in here. Bradshaw vs. Benjamin to start us off here.

After JBL takes Shelton down for awhile, Doug Basham tags himself in and I just do not care at this point. Absolutely nothing of note is going on here. Haas vs. Scotty at the moment. Crowd simply does not care either and it’s obvious. Bearhug to Scotty but a Basham comes in for the…save? Scotty is the face in peril I guess. He gets an enziguri but kicks Doug into Danny to keep Scotty from making the tag again.

Off to Rikishi who cleans house. I think he was supposed to be the grizzled veteran that could beat up just about anyone in the match. They pushed him like that for awhile and it didn’t work incredibly well. German attempt by Benjamin but the power of fat sends him to the floor. Haas gets a Stinkface for not funny comedy. Bradshaw comes in to clean house but walks into a Samoan Drop and then Rikishi drops down onto Danny to retain.
Rating: D. Pointless filler. These teams were worthless by this point anyway as they were all on the verge of breaking up. Shelton was in the IC title hunt within a year, JBL debuted that Summer, the Bashams were fired soon thereafter and no one ever cared about Rikishi and Scotty anyway. Total waste of time.

Edge is coming back.

Jesse Ventura is with Donald Trump at ringside. This was when the Apprentice was still a hot show so Trump was a celebrity here. I don’t like him but you have to admit, the guy apparently likes wrestling as this was the 4th show he was a part of. Jesse implies he’ll run for President someday, getting a big pop.

Women’s Title: Victoria vs. Molly Holly

This is belt vs. hair with Victoria as champion. Victoria got hotter every time I saw her. The crowd is already more into this than they were for the entire previous match. Molly works the arm to control but gets rolled up for two. Suplex gets two for Molly. Molly is a virgin and wears big underwear which is the focal point of the match. She uses really basic stuff and it’s rather boring. Sunset Bomb gets two and then Molly tries the Widow’s Peak. That doesn’t work and Victoria gets a backslide to retain.

Rating: D+. Short and pretty dull. The real thing here was the shaved diva which doesn’t really do much as the stipulation was more or less just thrown on. Lack of an interesting match for the most part but at least Victoria looked good in those little white shorts.

Head shaving ensues.

We recap Eddie vs. Angle. The idea in short is Eddie is a former drug addict and Kurt says that means he shouldn’t represent Smackdown. The idea is that Eddie is in over his head and Heyman, the Smackdown GM, is against Eddie too for no apparent reason.

During the video package, Molly is still being shaved.
Smackdown Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle

They lock up in the first minute, already far ahead of Lesnar vs. Goldberg as far as pacing goes. We start with some mat stuff where Eddie is talented but in over his head. Angle takes him down with a judo throw and grabs a headlock. Let’s go Angle/Angle Sucks chants begin dueling. Angle runs him over with a shoulder and it’s a standoff.

Eddie gets a set of shoulder blocks and Angle hits the floor to clear his head. Back in and Angle takes it back to the mat which is where he’s definitely in control for the most part. Front facelock goes on to drain some energy out of the champion. Eddie escapes and we go back to the mat again with Eddie controlling a keylock. This is well done stuff as they’re definitely keeping things interesting out there for this.

Knee to the ribs takes Eddie down and it’s off to an abdominal stretch. Eddie reverses and tries Three Amigos but can only get one as Kurt gets a German. Out to the apron and Angle of course can’t get the German to the floor because it would, you know, kill Eddie. Eddie knocks him to the floor and dives out at Angle but misses, hitting the barrier chest first. That gets two back in the ring.

Angle works on the ribs/midsection even more, eventually hot shotting Eddie onto the top rope for two. Belly to belly sends Eddie flying. Another gets two and it’s back to the ribs. Angle shifts it into a bearhug and then into a belly to belly for two. Middle rope belly to belly is blocked as is the running belly to belly. Frog Splash misses and Eddie’s momentum is gone just as fast as it arrived.

Kurt hammers away as Cole calls him a hypocrite for talking about how Eddie is a disgrace. Eddie shrugs it off and wants more shots. He fires back and gets a little momentum going. A charge in the corner misses and Eddie gets a belly to back suplex for two. Eddie still can’t get Three Amigos and it’s Rolling German time. The second is reversed into a rollup for two and then Angle drills Eddie to take him right back down again.

Angle Slam is countered and Eddie speeds things up a bit. Three Amigos are attempted again and again Kurt counters after a second one. Ankle Lock goes on for a bit but not that long. Dropkick puts Kurt down but as Eddie goes for the Frog Splash Angle gets the running belly to belly two. After a rollup gets two Eddie is caught in a German for two.

Another counter to the Angle Slam, this one in the form of a DDT sets up the Frog Splash for two. Has that ever happened before? Angle plays possum and picks the ankle out of nowhere into the ankle lock. Again he manages to send Kurt to the floor and Eddie is unlacing his boot. Angle doesn’t see this and comes right back with the ankle lock. Eddie kicks the hold off and the boot goes off with it. He grabs a small package on the confused Kurt (and wraps his feet around the ropes to cheat a bit) to retain in a brilliant ending.

Rating: A. Excellent stuff here. There’s definitely a story here with Eddie going move for move with Angle but in the end going back to his roots to pick up the upset. Also look at the intelligence that Eddie shows at the end by playing possum just like Kurt did seconds before to beat Angle as he goes just a step too far to retain the title. Go find this match and watch it. You’ll learn something.

We recap Taker vs. Kane. Kane had buried Taker yet again. This time it was over Taker turning into the American and ceasing to be a monster. I guess the tag title run they had together didn’t count? At the Rumble a Taker Gong went off to scare the heck out of Kane and the distraction let Booker put him out. This kept happening until it was announced his return would be here at Mania.

Undertaker vs. Kane

 

Yeah the build here isn’t quite as good as their first Mania match. Taker gets the full on Mania entrance, complete with darkness, chanting, fire, druids, and PAUL BEARER!!! Taker’s hair isn’t even to his shoulders here so the look is a bit off. Oh and he wears a cowboy hat now. Kane is all scared to death here and shouts that Taker isn’t real. He reaches out and touches Taker (there’s an old commercial in there somewhere) and Taker hammers away.

Kane hides on the floor and Taker starts his usual stuff. The ending is so obvious here it’s unreal. Some corner clotheslines put Kane down but the Last Ride is blocked. They mess up the reverse back body drop as they’re about three feet away from the ropes. Taker does some ground and pound but walks into a sidewalk slam. Top rope clothesline gets two.

They slug it out which of course Taker wins. Kane misses a charge in the corner and a running big boot puts Kane down. Old School is caught by a chokeslam and Kane stops to laugh. Taker sits up, Kane panics and I think you know what’s going to end the match.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. Taker completely squashed Kane here, which to be fair is more or less Kane’s job. Not much of a match at all although that’s what the people wanted I think. Taker has been the same character since this point for the most part and this was the beginning of the modern Taker.

We recap the Raw World Title match. HHH is champion, Benoit won the Rumble and should get the one on one shot. However, at the Rumble Shawn and HHH tied in a Last Man Standing match so Shawn says he should get another shot. Always thought that was ridiculous. Shawn had his chance, but he didn’t win. It shouldn’t be him again. Anyway he signed the contract anyway so Austin made it a triple threat. The video more or less shows Shawn as a heel because he just wouldn’t let Benoit have his moment.

Raw World Title: Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. Shawn Michaels

 

Surprisingly normal entrance for HHH here although he’s wearing white boots. We even get a weapons check which you never see anymore. Everyone goes after everyone to start us off here with Shawn avoiding a Crossface. HHH to the floor and the others slug it out. He comes back in when he thinks it’s best as we’re in a slow build here.

DX explodes for a bit and the fans think someone screwed Bret. Leaping knee gets two. Some nice tandem stuff lets Shawn hit a moonsault off the top to the floor to take everyone out. HHH and Shawn go back to the ring now with Benoit out on the floor. Facebuster to Shawn but he can’t hit the Pedigree as Chris saves. Shawn’s shoulder goes into the post and Benoit hits a snap suplex on HHH.

With Benoit in the Tree of Woe HHH throws Shawn into him in a cool spot. Shawn nips up so Benoit knocks him to the floor. Benoit hits Rolling Germans on the Game Shawn stops the headbutt and HHH takes him down with a DDT. Superplex by HHH gets two on Benoit. Make that three twos. The fans like Benoit here. Pedigree is reversed into a bad Crossface which Shawn breaks up.

Rolling Germans by Shawn are booed and reversed into a set by Benoit. Headbutt to Shawn gets two. Forearm and nipup by Shawn but there’s no one else in the ring. HHH comes in and gets beaten on for a bit. Elbow hits and the Band is Tuned Up. The kick connects but Benoit saves. Shawn vs. Benoit now with Shawn being launched into the post to bust him open. Terrible Crossface to Shawn and HHH grabs his arm before he can tap.

Benoit and HHH hit the floor for some brawling while Shawn is down. HHH sends him into the steps and preps the announce table. Just the Smackdown one though, not the Spanish one. Benoit, ever the traditionalist, puts HHH on the Spanish one. German is blocked as it the Pedigree. Shawn pops up and DX suplexes/drops Benoit through the SD table in a cool visual.

Back in the ring now it’s Shawn vs. HHH. They slug it out with neither guy taking over. HHH is sent to the floor and a cameraman is taken out. Ross wants an EMT for Benoit. HHH gets posted (without spam) and is busted as well. Pedigree out of NOWHERE is the counter to some punches. Somehow Benoit makes the save and the crowd pops like a cherry.

Benoit chops away but HHH grabs a Pedigree attempt which is reversed into a long Sharpshooter in an eruption. Shawn kicks Chris’ head off though which somehow only gets two. Ross’ voice is almost gone here. Loud Benoit chant starts up as Shawn Tunes Up the Band. Benoit backdrops him to the floor and walks into another Pedigree attempt. Benoit counters that into a Crossface with HHH in agony. HHH rolls backwards but Benoit hangs on and HHH taps, giving Benoit the World Title in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Rating: A+. Great match, everything clicked, absolute classic. There’s nothing else I can say here.

Eddie comes out to celebrate with Benoit in a classic Wrestlemania moment.

Overall Rating: B. This is good but the length starts to get old after awhile. At 4 ½ hours long it needs about an hour cut off to be a classic. Still though with two great world title matches and some other good stuff in there it’s hard to argue. Also we get a legit Mania moment to end the show which is never a bad thing. Good show and worth seeing, but be ready to fast forward some stuff.

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Monday Nitro
Date: March 26, 2001
Location: Boardwalk Beach Resort, Panama City, Florida
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson

So in case you’re not getting the date or the significance, this is the final Nitro. Three days prior to this (or so) Vince bought WCW from Turner and the Monday Night War came to an end. In short, this is it. This is the end of WCW vs. WWF. Vince has won and everyone knows it now. As for the show, it’s being billed as Night of Champions, despite there being two title matches but whatever. This is an historic show and I remember being SHOCKED, so let’s get to it.

We open with Vince McMahon in the Raw interview area, talking about how he’s bought the company and its fate is in his hands. Tonight there will be a simulcast where he’ll explain things. This is bizarre.

Even their intro video sucked at this point.

Scott and Tony talk about how stunned they are about this.

And here’s Ric Flair. Oh this should be good. His hair being spiked is just wrong for some reason. He gives a very emotional speech, talking about how great his time in the company has been, which based on what I’ve read is nonsense, but he belongs out there on the final show and that’s all there is to it. Flair breaks kayfabs and says that Vince’s Dad voted for him to be world champion back in 1981. This is mainly about the holding the company in the palm of your hands thing. Flair makes one final request: if this is the last night, he wants Sting one more time.

WCW World Title/US Title: Scott Steiner vs. Booker T

This is title for title with Booker as US Champion. They slug it out in the middle and Booker hits a bit spinning heel kick to take over. This is outside mind you. We hear about how the US Champion is the #1 contender, which NEVER happened if you think about it, kind of making it a running joke. Midajah and her chest slaps Booker in the face.

Steiner swings a lead pipe at Booker but he hits the post instead in kind of a scary move. Scott moves onto a Bow and Arrow which doesn’t do much. A kind of botched dropkick and Booker starts his comeback. Ghetto Blaster (Axe kick) hits and we get a Spinarooni. Side Kick and it’s ALL Booker here. Book End is blocked for two. They’re FLYING through this. Book End is the counter to a powerbomb and it makes Booker the world champion again. Literally this didn’t break 6 minutes.

Rating: C-. Not terrible I guess considering they had to fly through this but there wasn’t much here. No one can beat Steiner in like 4 months and Booker does it in five minutes? They couldn’t give this a few more minutes? It was kind of a formality I guess but it just could have been done far better. Not awful though.

Vince blasts Panama City and WCW. Great to see that Vince spent millions of dollars on something that sucked.

3 Count vs. Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Kaz Hayashi/Yun Yang

Winners get a Cruiserweight Tag Title shot later. Yang is more commonly known as Jimmy Wang Yang and a member of 3 Count is now Shannon Moore. Everybody does a bunch of flips and dives to the floor with no rhyme or reason to them. Yang sends Rey into the buckle and hits a huge corkscrew moonsault called Yang Time. This is under tornado rules apparently. BIG 450 from Evan Karagis but Kidman makes the save. For the finish, imagine Moore being in position for Orton’s DDT but turned face up. Rey hits a springboard legdrop on him there to end it. I didn’t skip anything in the description. It was really that fast.

Rating: C+. Entertaining match but at under four minutes how into it can you get? This was just to give the challengers a disadvantage against Skipper and Romeo later on. The spots were shaky but hey, it’s the last night of the company so who cares? Not bad but nothing we haven’t seen a million times before and better.

Trish brings Vince some champagne but they make out instead.

We recap the GREAT Chavo vs. Helms rivalry.

Cruiserweight Title: Chavo Guerrero vs. Shane Helms

Back in the dying days of WCW, one of the few things they NAILED was Chavo, who was absolutely awesome for about a year before the company closed. Shane has an intro with dancing girls a rap that he performs and lights. Shane was very popular as well mainly due to just doing awesome things in the ring. Nice belly to back by Chavo as the fans actually seem into this.

Tony tries to talk about how WCW has been about the youth. That’s just funny. Actually it isn’t, because having that not be the case is a big reason as to why the company died. High cross body from the top for the champion for two. T-Bone gets two. Ton of reversals into a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Very fast paced match here.

More reversals into the Sugar Smack (Superkick) and then the Vertebreaker is blocked. He can’t get out of the second one and it ends the match. That move is both awesome but also scary at the same time, which makes me understand why they wouldn’t let it be used in the WWF, as it was just too much of a liability.

Rating: B-. Again good match but at like four and a half minutes how into it can you get? Everything is in fast forward speed tonight and it’s kind of taking me out of the show. This is the polished up version of WCW since it’s not being treated like a serious company anymore but rather an All Star show, which helps it a lot I think. Nothing special here, but good enough.

Ad for Slim Jims with Randy Savage, who was out of WCW for about a year at this point if not more. Yeah his last match in WCW was in August of 99.

Remember the Titans is on VHS and DVD. That’s amusing.

Booker says he’s not done yet.

Tag Titles: Lance Storm/Mike Awesome vs. Chuck Palumbo/Sean O’Haire

The more famous guys are challenging. Team Canada won a non-title match last week to get this. See, why is logic like that so complicated? That’s a basic story and it gives perfect justification as to why we are where we are here. After a quick break, Vince is with Trish again and Cole interrupts them. He says a bunch of WCW related people are worried and Vince threatens to fire Cole. PLEASE DO IT VINCE!

Storm of course starts with technical stuff. Tony almost says World Tag Titles but has to shift to WCW Tag Titles. Slingshot splash by Awesome for two. Hot tag to O’Haire and he beats the crap out of Awesome, hitting his weird reverse Samoan Drop. I could watch Lance Storm throw superkicks all day. Palumbo hits his Jungle (super) kick and the Shawnton Bomb ends it.

Rating: C-. I always liked all four of these guys so I was a fan of this feud. The match of course was really short so it’s kind of hard to grade, but at the same time this was ok I guess. It put the champions over and didn’t give us a title change for the sake of a title change, so I can’t really complain about that at all. Decent match but again nothing great at all.

Recap of Bigelow vs. Stasiak. Stasiak has Stacy and is doing something close to what Dolph Ziggler is doing at the moment. If he loses he has to get a tattoo.

Shawn Stasiak vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

They set this up last week so they have to throw it on here. Bigelow brings the tattoo kit with him. These two feuded for a few months and we were never told why they got so much time. I guess someone thought it was a good idea for some reason? Flying….something misses from Stasiak and Bigelow goes up for the headbutt. It hits but there’s Stacy to be hot. She interferes and a neckbreaker from Shawn ends it.

Rating: N/A. At least we got to look at Stacy.

Regal shows off his shirt to Vince. He tells Vince that it might be a bad idea to buy WCW. This was pointless.

We get a highlight reel of champions to play up the Night of Champions thing, which is always fun.

Vince says it’s just about that time.

Cruiserweight Tag Titles: Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman vs. Elix Skipper/Kid Romeo

This was the final of the tournament to give us the original champions, 8 days prior. The announcers continue to insist how much WCW loves young guys. Romeo never did anything at all but Skipper wound up in TNA. Kidman and Mysterio I think you know of. Hot tags to Rey and Skipper as it’s pretty clear that this is going to be another 3 minute or so match.

Scott points out that the champions were just thrown together. Bronco Buster to Elix (really Elix?) and it turns into a huge mess. Rey with a springboard falling headbutt for two but Skipper makes the save. More near falls follow and Kidman gets out of Skipper’s Play of the Day and hits the Kid Crusher (Killswitch) for the final title reign in the history of the belts.

Rating: B-. Another 4 minute yet still entertaining match. I remember when the titles were announced that more or less no one wanted to see them but when did that stop WCW? This wasn’t anything special at all but it was pretty solid I guess. Skipper and Romeo were just thrown together and told they were the best team. The belts lasted 8 days so it’s not like they meant anything.

Sting cuts a very energetic promo about fighting Flair one more time.

Vince is walking down a hall.

Ric Flair vs. Sting

Something just feels right about saying that. Flair is in a t-shirt here, which is fine with me as if nothing else it makes him look decent. He looks skinny as a rail here. The announcers point out that Sting never jumped but Flair did. Not exactly but hey who cares about history right? They recap Flair vs. Sting which is always fun. Hudson tries to talk about how Flair vs. Sting went against Mania 4. What Hudson isn’t mentioning is how badly WCW got slaughtered as Mania 4 outdrew Mania 3.

Tony talks about how we’ve seen this match thousands of times. I was thinking more like 15 but whatever. There’s the press slam from Sting which never gets old. And there’s the Flair Flop which brings a smile to my face. This is more or less Sting vs. Flair’s Greatest Hits as they’re just doing their basic spots. Dropkick misses and it’s time for the leg. Figure Four goes on and Sting is in trouble!

Could he submit? Will he give up? For the first time ever will Sting tap out to Flair? If you don’t know the answers to those questions, just leave now as I can’t help you. Basic comeback occurs and there’s the Scorpion for the tap out. They hug as they should do to end this.

Rating: C+. Like I said this was just the short version of their match as they had no angle or time here, but this wasn’t supposed to be a major match. It was a feel good moment which is what it was supposed to be. Fine for what it was, which is the best description that I can give it.

I’m going to cut the review here, because at this point the simulcast begins and since I’m going to do the Raw from this night next I’ll just review it in there since it’ll be literally the same stuff.

Overall Rating: C+. Well the idea of the night of champions thing was good but the breakneck pace of the show made it rather annoying as there was just too much going on at once. It’s ok I guess but it’s not much more than that. It says a lot that one of their best shows in years had no context or angles worth anything to speak of. This was an ok show, which obviously should be seen for historical purposes. Decent show for what it was, but more important or history than anything on the card itself.

Wrestlemania 19
Date: March 30, 2003
Location: Safeco Field, Seattle, Washington
Attendance: 54,097
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Tazz
America The Beautiful: Ashanti

This show gets a lot of praise around here and I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve never been that enthralled by it, but maybe it needs another viewing. Your main event here is Kurt vs. Brock, which is simply due to Brock winning the Rumble and a solid build as you’re not really sure who the better man is. Brock is just past one year on television at this point and is going for his second world title.

To say he was dominant is an understatement. The real main event though is Hulk vs. Vince in a no holds barred match. It’s another instance of not putting the real main event on last, which is a shame as it got most of the buildup. Your midcard special is Jericho vs. Shawn in what was excellently built up as well.

We also get the third match in the Austin/Rock saga, which while still a big match, simply doesn’t have the big fire in it this time around. It turns out to be Austin’s last match as a regular. More or less that’s what holds this show back: the hype. The buildup was as good as any I’ve ever seen, but it wasn’t a mind blowing show. Let’s get to it.

Well done “it’s our World Series” package that never gets old, following Ashanti singing America the Beautiful which has been missed by me. The first problem with this show is simple: the theme song. Crack Addict by Limp Biskit. I never could figure out why they wouldn’t say the name of the song on television, but then it made sense.  Make your own PG jokes.

Cruiserweight Title: Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

Mysterio is dressed as Daredevil as he beging his tradition of being a superhero at Mania. Matt is in the middle of what was always one of my favorite stupid gimmicks: Mattitude V1.0. This involves him having fun facts pop up on screen during his entrance which is made to look like he’s on a website.  Today’s Mattitude Facts: Matt is appearing in his 4^th Wrestlemania and Matt often wonders how they did Wrestlemania without him.

He’s also desperately trying to stay at the Cruiserweight limit of 220lbs, often with comical results. Matt is accompanied by Mattitude Follower (MFer) Shannon Moore.  Hardy used Disco Inferno method of Cruiserweight wrestling: Wrestle like a heavyweight and hope it works out for the best.  Moore distracts Rey to start but Matt gets backdropped to the floor.  Blast you little MFer.

Head scissors and a spinwheel kick put Matt down and set up an attempt at a sunset bomb to the floor.  Shannon makes the save and allows Matt to take over.  Shannon’s people are called Morons.  Taz and Cole make bad jokes about how Matt got his weight down using terms like banana juice, teabag and BJ.  You figure the rest out for yourself.

Matt locks in a bow and arrow to keep Rey on the mat for awhile.  A corner charge misses though and Matt goes into the post.  Seated Senton gets two for Rey and we speed things up a bit more.  Shannon breaks up the 619 and there’s the Twist of Fate for two.  The foul poles in the background take a bit of getting used to.

Matt tries Splash Mountain from the bottom rope but Rey reverses into a rana for two.  619 hits and it’s West Coast Pop time.  Matt ducks so Rey settles for a victory roll.  Hardy ducks into it ala Owen at Mania X and grabs the rope to get the win.  That was abrupt to say the least.

Rating: C-. Not a fan of the ending at all.  This was getting good and they cut the legs out from under it after less than six minutes.  I get why they had to do that as a lot of the matches are long but the pacing of the match could have been a lot better to make that ending not seem so abrupt and not to make this seem like a TV match.  Still decent though.

Time for our first bad celebrities as the Miller Light Cat Fight girls show up. They’re two hot chicks that fight over beer. Their limo couldn’t be tackier as it’s a long black limo with a sign on the door saying Catfight Girls. It just doesn’t look good at all. The dumb arguments start already.

We get a clip from earlier with Nathan Jones, Undertaker’s tag partner for later, being laid out by A-Train and Big Show.  This would be due to the fact that the company thought he wasn’t capable of being on live PPV with his skills at the time.  Shouldn’t they have noticed this before Wrestlemania Sunday?

Limp Bizkit performs Rollin live to play us to this.

Undertaker vs. Big Show/A-Train

This is Taker vs. Big Show for the 10^th time or so.  A-Train is there for no apparent reason other than to make us think Taker might have some issues here.  Fred Durst does not belong in the ring at Wrestlemania with Undertaker, period.  This is officially a handicap match now.  A-Train spits on Taker’s bike to distract him so Show can jump him.  This of course fails and A-Train takes a chokeslam for two as Show saves.

Taker hammers away at both guys and makes sure to stay out of the corner.  This was part of the A-Train’s push which I never quite understood but they were trying at least.  Taker busts out a leap frog of all things and there’s Old School to A-Train.  Derailer (Chokebomb) hits Taker but of course he doesn’t cover.  Instead he sends Taker to the floor so Show can ram him into the post.

There’s a flag on Undertaker’s bike which is due to his nephew serving in Iraq who the match has been dedicated to.  Show comes in and they slug it out a bit.  Taker really likes to punch doesn’t he?  Show’s chokeslam is countered into a Fujiwara armbar and then into a cross armbreaker to A-Train.  Show drops a leg to break that up and rams some headbutts in.

Abdominal stretch goes on after all the head and neck work.  I guess Show is working on the ribs now.  A-Train comes in now and stomps away before putting on an abdominal stretch of his own.  Taker reverses into one of his own and that’s about the extent of his offensive run as it’s back to the beating again.  Train slaps him in the face because he’s not that intelligent.

Naturally Taker makes the comeback and hits a running DDT for two as Show makes the save.  Show is sent to the apron by the referee so Taker hits him anyway.  Here’s the comeback and the monsters are in trouble.  Big clothesline takes down Show.  And never mind as a bicycle kick takes his head off.  Chokeslam to Taker and here comes Nathan Jones.  He kicks Show in the aisle to take him down (shouldn’t that be a DQ?) and hits the ring.  Big boot to A-Train and the Tombstone ends this.

Rating: D. Can someone explain to me why this got ten minutes almost and the previous match couldn’t even get six?  Not much of a match and far too long for its own good.  Taker was never going to lose and everyone knew it, yet they let it go off even longer which didn’t help at all.  Jones was gone soon after this I believe.

Catfight girls run into the much hotter Torrie and Stacy.

We get a recap of the pointless Raw tag title match from Heat that leads nowhere.  That was on Heat and the Cat Fight girls were on here.  That’s life I guess.

Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Jazz vs. Victoria

Jazz still isn’t cared for at all. As usual Trish looks great and gets the confetti for her entrance. Yeah, no guesses as to who is going over here. Victoria is champion coming into this and is in her total psycho phase here with the awesome T.A.T.U. theme music. I’ve always loved this character and throwing in that I always thought Victoria was mind blowingly hot isn’t hurting anything here.

Ross says that Jazz has a Mike Tyson like attitude.  Lawler says it’s a Mike Tyson like look.  Victoria has Steven Richards with her for no apparent reason.  Jazz jumps both of them quickly and sends Victoria to the floor.  She grabs a front facelock and flips forward to bend Trish in half with a facelock.  Trish gets a Thesz Press and poses a lot.  Victoria pulls her to the floor and we brawl out there for a bit.

Jazz vs. Trish in the ring at the moment with the less attractive one in control.  Double shoulder breaker to Trish so it’s Victoria vs. Jazz now.  Love that backless outfit on Victoria.  Lawler says Trish is like a quarter among pennies.  What the heck does that even mean?  Match is kind of a mess so far but it’s not horrible.  Powerslam by Jazz gets two on Trish.

The heels go at it again which Trish takes advantage of, ramming their heads together to take over.  Big spin kick by Jazz misses and Trish gets a rollup for two.  Chick Kick gets two.  Trish kicks Victoria to the floor as Jazz shouts a lot.  Half crab goes on and into an STF to Trish by Jazz.  Stevie intercepts Trish’s tap out so Victoria isn’t out.

Trish gets a rollup of Victoria and we get a nice shot as Trish pulls the tights.  Double chickenwing by Jazz to the blonde but Victoria takes Jazz down.  Moonsault misses though, but Victoria still sends het to the floor.  Stevie accidentally hits himself with a chair and takes a Stratusfaction for being an idiot.  Chick Kick to Victoria gives Trish the title.

Rating: D+. This was just your standard Women’s Title match and nothing more.  They’ve been the same for years and this was no different.  Trish gets the title back for a token title change and would likely hold it for a very long time.  Yeah that’s all I’ve got.  Oh and Victoria has a nice figure.

Rock is bitter about being booed last year against Hogan and has turned his back on the people. He’s obsessed with beating Austin in a big match, which I don’t think he ever has.  This takes way longer than it should have.

Smackdown Tag Titles: Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle vs. Rhyno/Chris Benoit

First fall wins it here as I continue to be amazed by how well Eddie suited his gimmick. While he’s not as great as he’s given credit for, he certainly was good. Team Angle is Charlie Hass and Shelton Benjamin by the way. Hass was supposed to be the breakout star at first but obviously after about two matches we knew that wasn’t going to happen. This is more of what we’ve seen all night long: a match that’s good enough to be a decent TV main event, but not WM worthy.  No point here other than for the titles to be on the line.

Team Angle has the titles here.  Benoit had a masterpiece with Angle at the Rumble but since a guy that was ridiculously popular and great in the ring clearly had no business feuding with HHH on Raw for the title (I mean we had SCOTT STEINER to do that) he was shoved into this pointless tag team and wasted most of 03 until he got so popular that he went to Raw the next year after winning the Rumble.

Big brawl to start as the referee tries to settle things down a bit.  Chavo and Haas finally get us started.  Haas tags out to Benoit and it’s Benoit vs. Eddie now.  This works for me.  To the shock of no one they hammer away on each other with neither guy being able to maintain an advantage.  They ram heads which allows Rhyno to be brought in.

Powerslam to Eddie gets two.  Benjamin comes in for the first time and works on the neck of Rhyno.  Chavo breaks up a pin attempt as this is just ok.  It’s like any match that could have been on Smackdown yet it’s here on Wrestlemania.  Benoit suplexes Haas for two.  We’re off to Rhyno vs. Benjamin now.  They’re tagging in and out quickly but it’s kind of keeping anything from getting started.  It’s been a random assortment of one on one matches so far.  Nothing bad but nothing that interesting.

Eddie dropkicks Rhyno to take over and it’s off to Benoit vs. Guerrero again.  Guerrero gets a belly to back and sets for the Frog Splash but gets caught in a superplex for two as Shelton saves.  Benoit fires Eddie into the air for a flapjack and pulls him down into the Crossface in an awesome looking move.  Haas breaks it up seconds later and then just leaves so the two masters can go at it some more.

Chavo comes in and cleans a lot of house.  His name being Guerrero kind of hurts him as he’s always in Eddie’s shadow.  Rolling Germans to Chavo but Chavo makes a blind tag to Shelton.  Superkick to Benoit gets two.  Eddie vs. Shelton at the moment so Shelton covers Benoit.  Frog Splash breaks up the pin though so it’s off to Chavo vs. Haas.  Haas suplexes him and gets Gored.  Gore to Chavo and Benjamin steals the pin to retain the titles.

Rating: C+. It was getting a lot better at the end when they dropped the tagging stuff but this was a match that could have been on any Smackdown for the most part.  It’s good and definitely the best match of the night so far.  Still though, not much here but good stuff for what it was.

Torrie and Stacy argue with the Catfight girls over who made Mania, Hulk or Vince. This isn’t sexy or interesting, it’s just annoying at this point as the Catfight girls read from a script. Apparently this argument is going to be settled “in bed”. Lord help us all.  One of them keeps saying Holgan instead of Hogan.

From this thing on, everything is nearly 18 minutes long.

We recap Jericho vs. Shawn.  Shawn came back and won the world title.  Jericho ran his mouth so Jericho got kicked in the face.  He eliminated Shawn from the Rumble and vice versa.  Shawn was his inspiration apparently and wanted a match at Mania.  Jericho was walking through the curtain one night and something kicked him in the face.  Shawn came out and posed over him, saying he’d see him at Wrestlemania.  Jericho was evil here, putting Stacy in the Walls of Jericho and drilling Shawn with chairs.

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

Shawn brings a confetti gun with him.  Oh ok he has them throughout the entrance to fire his own pyro.  Cute kind of.  Shawn gets pyro that goes around the back of the stadium when he does his in ring pose.  That’s pretty cool.  The fans are into Shawn of course as they have some mat stuff going on to start us off.  Shawn lays on the top rope which is something I always found funny.

Headlock takes Jericho to the mat and out he goes to the floor.  Shawn teases a plancha but Jericho sees it coming.  Shawn stops and goes with a baseball slide instead.  Back in a cross body gets two for Jericho as he rolls through Shawn’s move.  Jericho hammers away but can’t get the bulldog.  Shawn busts out a figure four and Jericho is in trouble.

After that doesn’t last long a headscissors puts Jericho on the floor, allowing Shawn to hit his plancha.  Jericho counters and locks on the Walls on the floor.  Shawn’s back goes into the post and HBK is in trouble.  Jericho gets another dropkick to keep Shawn on the floor.  Shawn’s back is the target now and it’s all Jericho.  The cocky pin doesn’t work so we go to the chinlock.

Shawn reverses a suplex into a DDT but he can’t get up.  Once he finally does, Jericho adds a forearm and the Nip Up.  Shawn Nips Up also and then does it again.  There’s the moonsault press for a long two.  We get the always classic pinfall reversal sequence, resulting in a Walls attempt but Shawn kicks him off instead.

Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Jericho but Shawn bridges up for a backslide.  Jericho reverses that and takes Shawn does to retain control.  Lionsault gets two and Shawn starts his comeback.  Rana misses though and it’s into the Walls for Shawn.  Shawn makes the rope but his back is destroyed.  Backbreaker sets up a top rope back elbow for no cover.

Instead Jericho Tunes up the Band.  A fairly awesome Sweet Chin Music puts Shawn down for two and Jericho isn’t sure what to do next.  Shawn gets a cross body out of the corner and some rights to buy himself some time.  Shawn teases the Walls of Jericho but goes with a slingshot instead, sending Jericho into the post.  Jericho tries a belly to back off the top but Shawn spins over into a cross body for a long two.

Shawn goes up and gets crotched via the referee being sent into the rope.  Superplex is blocked though as Shawn shoves him off and there’s the elbow.  Time to Tune up the Band again but the kick misses and it’s into the Walls again.  A rope is grabbed and Jericho tries to beg to the referee.  Chris walks into Sweet Chin Music though and down he goes but Shawn can’t cover.  Both guys are back up and Jericho sends him into the corner.  Shawn flips over and gets his feet under Jericho’s shoulders, rolling him backwards to end this finally.

Rating: A-. Definitely a great match, but not an all time classic. HBK shows he still can go at Mania and Jericho has one of the best matches of his life here as he’s totally into this. The only thing missing was the superkick to end it for Shawn, but this might have been better, not sure yet.

Jericho kicks Shawn in the balls post match, cranking his heel rating up by about 10.
Last month at no Way Out the show was in Montreal, there was a French ref that screwed Hogan out of the rematch with the Rock by helping Vince. He heads into Vince’s locker room.

Goldberg debuts at Backlash. That may have been the biggest flop in company history. It turns out he fought Rock in Rock’s last match before he left to make another movie, thereby more or less ending his time as an active wrestler.

New attendance record of over 54,000. Impressive again.

Limp Biskit performs AGAIN, and somehow the people couldn’t care less than they did the first time. This goes on 5 minutes.

Torrie’s Playboy came out two days later. We see clips of a news conference.  We get the Catfight between the Catfight Girls and Torrie/Stacy.  Coach gets stripped down to his underwear, as do the rest of the girls. Not a real match, not an interesting segment. The only thing good about this is Stacy’s Legs music which I always liked.

Time to talk about the Raw World title.  This show has been on for nearly two hours and this literally hasn’t been mentioned until now. There hasn’t been a graphic, there hasn’t been hype, there hasn’t been an interview. If that’s not proof that the title matches aren’t the biggest on the card, I don’t know what is.

The idea here is that they’re playing up Booker’s hard life growing up vs. HHH’s privileged lifestyle. Booker pinned him on Raw in a tag match. Nothing about this match screams Mania at all. Unforgiven or Judgement Day maybe, but not Wrestlemania.

Raw World Title: Booker T vs. HHH

Oh and Booker pinned HHH on Raw this past week.  I forgot about that but it’s not like it’s going to matter.  HHH has the purple tights on here too.  Poor Booker.  He actually thinks he has a chance here.  We hear about his hard life and how he worked his way up to become a 5 time WCW Champion.  Jerry: HHH told us how much of a joke that place was.  Ross: I worked in WCW.  You didn’t.  How would you know it was a joke?  Jerry: Was it a joke?  Ross: Darn right it was!  Too funny.

They slug it out in the corner to start with Booker having a slight advantage.  HHH actually goes up top and gets arm dragged down.  Out to the floor now and the champion goes into the post.  Back in and a clothesline gets two for Booker.  Now we talk about the Fink for no apparent reason.  HHH sends Booker to the apron and rams his head into the post to take over.

Jerry keeps making prison/court jokes about Booker.  Neckbreaker by HHH gets two and he lays in the shots.  The fans chant for Booker so HHH hits a spinebuster on him to quiet that down and get two in the process.  Big clothesline in the corner gets the same.  Suplex gets reversed and Booker hits a DDT and Lawler makes fun of Booker again.  Ross has to stop himself from saying GD which gets Lawler laughing.

Side slam gets no cover for Booker but a spinning forearm gets two.  Sleeper by HHH doesn’t work but a high knee does.  It’s been mainly the champion in control here.  Facebuster connects but HHH walks into a spinebuster for two.  HHH tries to go up again and jumps into a jump kick by Booker for two.  Axe kick and side kick misses, the latter of which sends Booker to the floor.

Flair drills Booker’s knee into the stairs to give HHH something to work on.  HHH busts out an inverted Indian Death Lock which you won’t see for years.  HHH, love him or hate him, is almost as old school as you get.  Off to a regular one as Booker is in trouble.  For those of you unfamiliar, the best way I can put it is a Sharpshooter with the legs instead of the arms and legs and less torque on the back.  It doesn’t matter as a rope is grabbed.

HHH tries to send him into the corner and Booker collapses.  Knee crusher is reversed into a sunset flip for two as the fans pop big for it.  Pedigree is countered but Booker is launched into the referee who stays down for about a second.  Must not have been planned.  Booker gets a jumping back elbow and his leg is fine now.  Scissors kick puts HHH down as now the leg hurts again.  That gets two.

Booker goes up but Flair interferes to let HHH get to Mr. T.  Superplex is blocked and Booker hits the Harlem (Houston here) Hangover for no count as Flair puts the foot on the ropes.  Naturally, as after all HHH isn’t allowed to lose the title for a very long time right?  Booker’s knee gives way and HHH hits the Pedigree.  Twenty five seconds later HHH puts his hand on Booker and retains.  Well of course he does.

Rating: C+. This was around the time that HHH was trying to expand his moveset to include things like the sleeper, Indian deathlock and DDT. They’re ok, but he wanted them as extra finishers and that just didn’t work. It was a very weird time in his career right now and this match it the crowning glory of that time. It’s clear here that Booker wasn’t going to win the title and was being fed to HHH. If you want to see the time where people say HHH was taking over the company, here is exhibit A.

WM 20 is going to be at Madison Square Garden. That is where it belongs.

We recap Hogan vs. Vince.  If Hogan loses, he retires…again. This is billed as 20 years in the making, despite this being the 19th year of Mania. The fight is over who should get the credit for Mania, both the Hulka and Wrestle varities. That’s a thread that was great when it was done and I’d like to see a replay of it.

Anyway, this is a street fight for obvious purposes. It’s also the match that sold this show, but in WWE logic, that can’t go on last of course as they didn’t learn from last year. While obviously this isn’t the entire story, the more I see of this the more I think Hulk should get more credit. Based on the video alone, this should be the main event.

Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon

Hogan comes out to Voodoo Child. Are you serious? WWE owns the rights to the most legendary theme song in wrestling history and they use Voodoo Child? The pop is barely even there which surprises me. The fans are into it, but there’s not much special.

To top it all off, he comes out first. Seriously? I know Vince isn’t a fan of Hogan’s but this is absurd. Once they say his name he gets a pop, but I really think the fans didn’t know who he was at first.  Hogan, nice guy that he is, rips up a Vince Still Sucks sign.To say McMahon is ripped is an understatement.

Hogan takes him down with a clothesline to start and we get some “ground and pound.”  Vince fights back and hammers away, working on the arm.  They’re moving incredibly slowly right now too.  The arm goes around the post as we talk about the steroids trial in the early 90s, which according to Stephanie was like 9/11.  Test of strength goes on and Hogan fights back up.

They ram chests like Warrior and Hogan but once again Vince kicks him in the gut to bring him back to his knees.  Vince having a muscular man on his knees.  Make your own jokes here.  Hogan fights up for the third time and gets kicked in the ribs again and sent to the floor.  Vince hammers away even more and has been in control the majority of the match here.

Chair shot to Hogan misses and Vince is rammed into the post instead.  The chair drills Vince as Hulk takes over for a bit.  Vince is busted open so Hogan hammers away.  Crowd is into this too.  Another chair to the back and down goes Vince.  Hogan misses a chair shot and the Spanish Announcer takes it in the head.  That’s what he gets for putting stuff on their table I guess.

Low blow by Vince shifts control again and he grabs the chair.  And now Vince sets up a ladder.  This cannot end well at all.  He sets it between the tables and Hogan is laid out on the Spanish Announce Table with a monitor shot to the head.  Vince climbs up, does the hand to the ear, and drops a leg onto Hogan, leaving both people laying.

After they lay around for about two minutes off of that, Vince rolls him back in and gets two for a big (although what should be an unsurprised) pop.  Vince’s face is creepy from that.  He goes under the ring and luckily finds a lead pipe.  We get the famous shot of Vince’s crazy/evil eyes as he slowly rises up above the apron to get back in.

Hogan, ever the hero, gets a low blow to make Vince drop the pipe.  A guy runs in through the crowd in a hood and pulls it off, revealing Rowdy Roddy Piper.  Well he belongs in the discussion I guess.  He picks up the pipe and drills Hogan with it, I guess being a heel.  Piper is fathere too.  Piper leaves and that gets two, putting us right back to where we were before Piper got here.

The referee steps on the pipe so Vince can’t use it.  It’s a street fight so anything goes right?  Vince drills him and waves down another referee.  He gets two: an actual referee and the aforementioned French referee (future tag champion Sylvan Grenier).  Another pipe shot and leg drop get two as Hulk Hulks Up.  Down goes the French dude to the power of AMERICA.  Hogan drops THREE leg drops and this is finally over.

Rating: B. While not the legendary classic it gets credit for, this was very fun indeed. Piper makes little to no sense to me at all here. Stupidly enough, it led to a feud between Hogan and Piper/Sean O’Haire. Really? Anyway, this was a very fun fight all day. I never really thought Vince would win, but it was fun to believe in him for awhile. Biggest flaw for me though: that freaking Voodoo Child song. HULK HOGAN’S MUSIC IS REAL AMERICAN. Anyone could tell you that. So freaking stupid.

Shane comes out to check on his dad.  Yeah that’s all he’s here for.  Seriously, he does nothing else.

We recap Rock vs. Austin.  What recap do you need here?  This match is the epitome of a grudge match. The idea here is simple: Rock has never beat Austin in a big match, namely at WM. He has done it all but defeat his arch rival and it’s killing him. This would have been so much more effective had it been 1-1 at Mania for them.

The problem for me was simple. So what if Rock wins? It’s still 2-1 Austin and Austin beat him twice for the title. That doesn’t exactly scream even to me. This is a weird thing to do here as Rock is finally (get it?) as big as Austin as far as star power despite Austin being so far past his prime he can’t even see it and Rock would be gone in a month, but he’s finally the true heel here and it’s one on one.

This whole match is built on Rock needing to win and getting more and more desperate to do it. They’re both nowhere near as good as they were 2-3 years ago, but they’re still very solid.

This gets the music video treatment but it doesn’t pack anywhere near the punch of My Way.

Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is Austin’s last match as today.  Austin comes off his fourth corner and turns around to see Rock waiting on him.  This is the first time Austin came out second I think.  There’s the bell and these two at Mania just feel right.  They slug it out and Austin takes control, shocking no one.  Stunner misses early and we hit the floor.  We go to the Smackdown table with Austin beating Rock to death.

Rock goes into the steps and takes a belly to back suplex in the ring.  We get into the wrestler vs. actor debate which is rather interesting indeed.  This match has DQs mind you.  Rock gets a shot to Austin’s knee which I think is his first offense of the match so far.  Out to the floor again and Rock gets a second chop block to take Austin down.

After some more knee work on the floor Rock sends him into the ring again and stomps away.  Austin fires off some punches but lowers his head and Rock takes the knee out again to stop Austin’s momentum.  Sharpshooter goes on and Austin is in trouble.  Hebner is the referee so I’d listen for a quick bell.  Rock might take that….something or other to Hollywood and Vince might not get to make a bombing movie out of it.

Ross goes OFF on Jerry about talking about Hollywood so much.  Rock wraps Austin’s leg around the post again and throws on Austin’s vest.  Oh my stars and garter belts.  Austin fights back and it’s a double clothesline to put both of them down.  Back up and they slug it out with the knee seemingly fine again.  I guess that’s a Texan thing.  Thesz Press and Austin hammers away.

FU Elbow gets two, probably because it’s just an elbow drop.  Austin stomps a mudhole but Rock hits a clothesline and nips up.  Austin gets a Rock Bottom out of nowhere to the Rock as he’s still in the vest.  That gets two. Stunner is blocked but Rock gets the Stunner for two of his own.  That should be a scoring system in the event of a tie.

Rock hammers away but the final punch misses and it’s a Stunner by Austin for a long two.  Austin tosses the referee away to get to Rock but Rock gets a low blow and it’s time for the People’s Elbow.  Austin moves out of the way but can’t get another Stunner.  The second People’s Elbow (minus the jacket) gets two, likely because it’s just an elbow drop.

Both guys are spent and Rock is getting up first.  The fans are all over the Rock here.  Rock Bottom hits but only gets two and a big pop.  Rock is stunned.  See what I did there?  Another Rock Bottom somehow gets two and Rock doesn’t know what to do.  A third Rock Bottom FINALLY ends Austin and the Rock has finally gotten the win at Wrestlemania over Austin.

Rating: B+. This is a tricky one.  It’s a far cry from their epic wars before and is a joke compared to their match two years ago, but this was a different kind of match.  I shortchanged this before but this is a good match.  Rock was the star here, which granted has to do with him being 30 and Austin being 39 here.  They beat the heck out of each other and while Austin was a shell of his former self he was still good here.  Good match and a good way to close out Austin’s career.

Austin gets the big sendoff as I think it was kind of understood that he was done at this point.

We recap Angle vs. Lesnar.  Lesnar won the Rumble to get here and Kurt is champion.  Kurt had thrown Team Angle at Lesnar a bunch and kept ticking Lesnar off, including switching places with his brother to get a pin on Brock in a title match.  This is more or less a dream match and if anyone interferes, if Kurt gets counted out or disqualified, he loses the title.

Smackdown World Title: Kurt Angle vs. Brock Lesnar

And here we are. FINALLY it’s the last match of the show but the fans are so drained they don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Kurt had reinjured his neck but instead of being out for a year and you know, really getting it fixed, he got a quick fix, resulting in him likely being on the verge of death every time he gets in the ring. There was a real chance this was his last match.  Cole’s voice is almost completely gone here. Lesnar of course has a rib injury. My goodness when did he not have a rib injury?

Brock debuted the night after Mania the year before (which was in mid March but we’ll call it a year still) so this is an incredible rookie year for him.  We get both of their resumes and they’re incredibly impressive to say the least.  Tito Ortiz is in the front row.  All of a sudden a lot of the ground and pound and submission stuff just got a lot funnier.

Shocking no one they go to the mat and technical stuff early.  It’s so weird to see guys that are awesome at what they do with that stuff and have it look this good.  Angle tries the headlock but Lesnar easily overpowers him.  Kurt is moving very gingerly here.  Brock fires off those shoulders in the corner and gets a powerslam for two.

Angle snaps off a suplex but Brock is right back up almost immediately.  Out to the floor with Kurt trying to run.  By the power of Akbar though, IT’S A TRAP and Kurt drills Brock as he comes in to take over.  Brock is like screw that and gets a gorilla press to take over again.  Angle Germans Brock into the buckle in an awesome spot.  Brock gets pounded down on the floor for a bit.

Belly to back gets two in the ring.  A vertical version of it gets two as well.  Kurt grabs a modified STF that has Brock in agony.  It shifts off into a chinlock as Angle loses the leg hold.  Modified camel clutch now which furthers the pain in the ribs.  Can’t say Kurt doesn’t have psychology going for him.  Brock stands up and rams Kurt’s back into the corner to break the hold.

Belly to belly by Kurt reinjures Lesnar’s ribs as does a knee to the back.  A second sends Brock to the floor.  Back in Angle runs into a spinebuster Brock comes back and hammers away with the power but runs into an elbow.  BIG belly to belly sends Angle flying as does a second one.  Those get two and probably another neck surgery for Kurt.

Angle grabs Rolling Germans out of nowhere, each time landing on the back of his head and neck.  This time it’s 4 suplexes though and both guys are spent.  Neither finisher can hit with the F5 being countered into the ankle lock.  That gets shifted to the half crab which is probably a stupid move by Kurt given the position he had Brock in.  Cole’s voice is gone.  Get that man some tea.

Kurt charges but gets backdropped to the floor to give Brock a chance to breathe.  Brock takes over but Angle gets one HECK of a German suplex, flipping Lesnar onto his stomach in the air for two.  There go the straps and the Angle Slam hits, naturally, for two.  Cole says that’s the first time anyone has kicked out of it.  Something tells me that’s nonsense.

Brock counters another Slam attempt into a small package that Taz calls a Spladle or something like that.  Yeah it was a small package.  F5 out of nowhere gets two as the crowd is finally into this.  Ankle Lock goes on and gets the grapevine.  Wow so someone actually did escape this.  Ankle lock is avoided, as is the Slam.  HUGE F5 puts Angle down, but Brock goes up instead.

We now get the sickest looking spot in a good many years at any show as Lesnar, weighing nearly 300lbs and being dead tired goes to the top rope. Now when I originally watched this, I had seen Lesnar down in OVW use a shooting star press and it was the best  thing I’d ever seen in a wrestling ring, but there was no way I could ever believe he would throw one out at Wrestle-freaking-mania.

Of course he did though, but he shows why he shouldn’t, as he under-rotates and lands on his head. I don’t care who you are, that is sick looking. Luckily Angle is smart enough to cover him here to keep the match going. Right there, if Lesnar had gotten pinned I don’t think anyone would have been able to say a word to him.

They show the replay from another camera angle and you can hear Taz absolutely freak over it. That was indeed one of the sickest looking things I’ve ever seen. Lesnar hits another F5 and gets the win. Post match, Lesnar’s eyes show that he is absolutely gone. He has no clue where he is and it looks bad. Angle shakes his hand and fireworks play us out.  Clearly not the planned finish but they did what they could and it made sense given the circumstances.

Rating: A-. These guys nearly killed each other, literally. One of those suplexes goes bad and Angle dies, Lesnar nearly killed himself on the ending. This was a great match though, but the ending just stops it in its tracks and it really hurts things. Had that landed, this is a definite A. It’s certainly worth watching though.

Brock is handed the title and is absolutely gone.  I doubt he knew his name at this point.

Overall Rating: B. This went back and forth for me. It’s definitely good, but it’s far from great. It ended well with the face taking the gold like he should have, but the booking for this show was absolutely terrible. What this show desperately needed was a first half main event. Look at your final five matches: HBK/Jericho (best wrestling on the card by far), HHH vs. Booker T (Raw Title), Street Fight (the real main event), Austin/Rock (no explanation needed) and Lesnar/Angle (SD Title).

You can clearly see the problem. There’s no chance at all to catch your breath here and it’s very draining. A filler, like say Taker’s match in between there somewhere and another like the triple threat tag match, or even the Raw Tag Titles from Heat would have nearly saved this show. Maybe a segment or something like that also. Either way, the second half of this show is WAY too packed and it hurts things badly. The show is good, but I’d watch it out of order. Recommended, but not as great as it’s made out to be.

Smackdown
Date: March 25, 2011
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Booker T

After last week’s awesome show we’re here at the last real show before the big one.  Next week is going to be a clip/review/highlight show which I can’t say I blame them for.  I’d want to get to Atlanta as intact as I could also.  Probably more with Alberto vs. Christian/Edge tonight which I really hope doesn’t turn into a triple threat at Mania.  Anyway let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of last week’s main event inside the cage and the big beatdowns that followed, one to Edge and one to Christian.  Edge has a bad arm now due to Del Rio and his Conchairto to the arm.

Edge is complaining to Teddy about the injuries.  There’s been a ruling apparently that Edge thinks is geared towards Alberto.  Teddy insists it’s in the best interests of the company.  Edge can’t touch Del Rio and vice versa or they’re both off Mania.  The classics never die.

Theme song hits.  Get your reinforcements.  And get a new joke for me because that one has gotten really old.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

 

Not a bad way to start things off.  This is another Wrestlemania Rewind match.  We hear a lot about Cody, more or less saying he’ll be making an appearance in this match.  We get a clip from the bus incident from Monday which is just a failure.  This feud started out white hot and is now awful.  Wow we’re only 9 nights away from Mania.  That’s awesome.

Punk takes him into the corner and stomps away to start us off.  Rey speeds things up a bit and gets a headscissors to send Punk into the 619 position.  Big swinging kick to Punk’s head gets two.  Springboard cross body misses and here comes Punk.  They’re going through the motions here which is rather odd from these two.  Can Booker say anything besides “almost got him right there”?

Abdominal stretch goes on which doesn’t last long as Punk is sent out to the floor.  Rey jumps on his shoulders but is launched ribs first into the barrier.  Back with Punk in control in the ring with a body scissors.  Punk uses various offense on the ribs which makes perfect sense.  The fans chant 619 and Punk smiles.  Cross body gets two for CM.

An attempt at a second cross body off the top eats a dropkick though and both guys are down for a few seconds.  Rey uses some leverage to send Punk out to the floor and hits an Asai Moonsault to take Punk down.  And just as it was obvious about, here’s Cody to send Rey into the post for the DQ at 5:30 shown of 9:00.

Rating: B-. This was good while it lasted but the length and the ending hurt it a bit.  They started off going through the motions but it got better after the break.  See what happens when you put good workers together and give them a few minutes?  You get a pretty good match.  What are the odds of that?

Cody beats up Rey post match and exposes a metal knee brace which he rams into the head of Mysterio to leave him laying.  Nice little touch of continuity there.

Edge is in his locker room when Christian comes in.  Christian isn’t sure that Edge fighting Drew McIntyre later is a good idea.  Edge says it’s cool and that he’ll be in Christian’s corner against Alberto.

Undertaker responds to HHH later tonight.  Dude can they do ANYTHING but respond to each other?

Edge vs. Drew McIntyre

Both guys have cool music.  What in the world happened to Drew?  He was the hottest thing in the world what, six months ago?  Tiffany better be awesome in bed to cost him this much of a push.  Edge stomps a Canadian mudhole into Drew but Drew goes right after Edge’s arm like a smart man.  The psychology has been good here tonight.  After some more work on the arm, Drew goes up and Edge is able to pull him off.

So much for the momentum though as Edge can’t use the Edgecution.  That’s a good thing as instead of just shaking his arm, Edge is selling the move to the point that he can’t use his offense.  Little things like those make a big difference.  Futureshock is reversed by a backdrop and it’s the Edgecator (the kneeling Sharpshooter hold) for the tap out at 2:25.  No rating but this was fine.  Edge spears Drew post match.

The Taker/HHH video from Smackdown eats up a few minutes.

Kelly Kelly/Rosa Mendes vs. Laycool

 

Laycool is dressed up like Snooki including the hairdo.  The non Flawless girls take then down and it’s a big brawl to start.  This is totally nothing as it’s more or less just a quick brawl with Layla beating Rosa in 1:08 with the Layout.

Laycool runs down their Mania opponents and say that Snooki may be famous but she’ll never be *fist pump* flawless.

We recap Corre vs. Show/Kane last week and the big beatdown.

Intercontinental Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Wade Barrett

 

Kofi fires off some strikes and gets two off a dropkick.  Lots of early covers by Kofi here.  Corre is outside the ring, meaning in this match we have: a guy from Ghana (Ghanan?  Ghanian?  I’m really not sure what the right term is there), an Englishman, a South African, a South American and an American.  It’s remarkable how international WWE is getting, including people like Sheamus, Mason Ryan and Sin Cara.  Good idea too.

Kofi tries to go to the middle rope for something with his back to Barrett but gets kicked off as Barrett takes over.  Big boot puts Kofi on the floor.  That looked great.  Boss Man Slam gets two and it’s off to a bow and arrow.  Middle rope elbow misses for Barrett and here comes Kingston.  The cross body gets two and there’s the Boom Drop.  He sets for Trouble in Paradise but Corre distracts him.  The delay doesn’t really work as Kofi fires the kick but Barrett ducks and catches Kofi on his shoulders for the Wasteland.  That was awesome looking and it gives Barrett the title at 5:10.

Rating: B-. I like Barrett’s in ring style and this was a good example of that.  He mixes things up out there and it works rather well when he gets to use his various stuff.  Most importantly though: this gives Barrett something.  He hadn’t won anything since the first season of NXT and now he has something concrete on his resume.  That’s been lacking for him so I’m well pleased here.  Pretty good match too.

Alberto wants to hurt Edge but Teddy says he’s not allowed.  Albert says Teddy doesn’t have the guts to ban him from Mania.  Teddy says there have been 26 Wrestlemanias without Del Rio and Teddy can make it 27.  That was a good comeback actually.

Cue Undertaker with the Johnny Cash music so I guess it’s staying.  He stays on the stage to address HHH.  Taker says the more things change, the more they stay the same.  HHH thinks he can break the Streak, which is what everyone has said.  Taker says that soon HHH will learn he can’t do it.  This is all going to be said to HHH’s face on Monday.

HHH’s number is coming up and everything goes on the line at Mania.  That number is nineteen.  Good ending to the promo, but good grief I could not be less hyped about this match if I tried to be.  The lack of contact has really hurt it a lot.  Also the lack of an actual reason for them to fight.

Jack Swagger vs. R-Truth

 

We get a clip from Monday of Swagger beating up Lawler.  Truth’s singing sounds off.  Cole goes into full on psycho heel mode here as we get going.  Belly to belly by Swagger gets two.  Cole and Booker get into a cheerleading contest as Swagger takes over.  Truth pulls the top rope down and a charging Swagger hits the floor.

Truth seems to be limping a bit and he dives out to the floor.  He’s clearly not on full strength as that dive was weak looking and he landed on his shoulder it seemed.  Back in the ring and Truth goes up, only to get dropped and have his leg caught in the rope.  Swagger gives Truth’s leg a DDT and the ankle lock ends it at 2:50.  Cole talks about being in a dojo with Swagger which freaks Booker out.  Just a glorified squash for Swagger here.

Cole “raps” to Truth post match and runs him down.  He and Swagger take a victory lap.  That’s going to be an epic beating when it finally happens.  I’d love to see an army of people come out and hit their finishers on him like what happened to Bischoff at the first One Night Stand.

We see the ending of Raw with the Miz/Cena segment which was great.

That transitions into running down the Mania card.  Del Rio’s graphic has him in a robe kind of thing.  When has he ever been in that?

Alberto Del Rio vs. Christian

 

There’s a ton of time left in the show here so this could be long.  I think it’s a Mercedes this week.  Brodus and Edge are the seconds here.  Solid pop for Christian.  Christian gets the clapping going and it’s time to go.  Shoulder gets two for the Canadian.  Alberto gets Christian in the corner and stomps him down but is backdropped over the corner and out to the floor.

Big cross body takes Del Rio down on the outside as we take a break.  Back with Christian getting a sunset flip out of the corner for two and Del Rio hits the floor.  Baseball slide misses and Del Rio shoves Christian into the barrier to take over again.  Fast paced stuff here.  Arm bar goes onto Christian which doesn’t last long.

Senton back splash off the middle rope gets two for Del Rio.  Armbar again doesn’t stay on long as Christian is put on the mat.  Edge distracts Del Rio a bit and Christian gets a rana off the second rope for two.  Christian starts a comeback but a top rope cross body misses.  The corner enziguri misses and Christian gets a tornado DDT for two as Ricardo puts the foot on the rope.

Edge goes after Ricardo but it’s Brodus with the save.  Cross armbreaker is attempted by Del Rio but Christian flips into the Killswitch.  That gets countered also and Del Rio hits an enziguri to put Christian down for a long two.  Crowd is way into this.  Cross armbreaker goes on but Christian grabs a rope.  Both guys are down as Edge spears Clay and pops him with a chair.  Christian reverses the armbreaker into the Killswitch to end it at 8:49 shown of 12:19.

Rating: B+. Good stuff here indeed as again you give two guys time and the match works much better.  The arm was the story throughout the match and in the end another attempt at going for it cost Del Rio.  Good match here but I do kind of question Alberto losing back to back matches mostly clean in a row heading into Mania.

Christian pops Del Rio with a chair since Edge isn’t allowed to, ending the show.

Overall Rating: A-. Another strong outing from Smackdown this week as they go into Mania on a high note, yet with almost none of the focus being on them as usual.  It’s really starting to get awkward with Christian as he’s been in the main event scene the entire time for this feud yet he doesn’t have a match at the PPV.  I don’t want a triple threat though as we need a one on one match for the title.  Very good stuff here and my faith in Smackdown is restored.

Results

Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk via DQ when Cody Rhodes interfered

Edge b. Drew McIntyre – Edgecator

Laycool b. Rosa Mendes/Kelly Kelly – Layout to Mendes

Wade Barrett b. Kofi Kingston – Wasteland

Jack Swagger b. R-Truth – Ankle Lock

Christian b. Alberto Del Rio – Killswitch

Wrestlemania 18
Date: March 17, 2002
Location: Skydome, Toronto, Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Jim Ross
America the Beautiful: N/A

Now this is a very interesting case. WWE had completely bombed the previous year with the Alliance and the Invasion. Those angles had to be pushed forward because HHH was injured about two months after Wrestlemania X7. Since then we had two world titles running around meaning two champions. At Vengeance, they were unified into the Undisputed Championship. That’s the night Jericho references once every 8.3 minutes.

Anyway, your main idea here is that after Shane and Stephanie lost in the Winner Take All Match, they sold their shares to none other than Ric Flair. He and Vince owned half of the company, but Vince couldn’t handle this. He says that if Flair doesn’t sell the shares back to him, he’ll poison the company by bringing in the NWO. Of course this winds up happening and it’s nowhere near as effective as it was 6 years ago in WCW.

They cost Austin the title so he’s mad at Hall and they have a match tonight. Rock challenges Hogan for the super match WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN AUSTIN. Seriously, if WWE wants to kid themselves and try to believe that Rock was at Austin’s level, go ahead. That belongs in the same book that says Attitude was a completely original idea. So instead we get Rock vs. Hogan. There’s one big issue that this causes: no one cares about HHH vs. Jericho now.

People weren’t buying into his title reign in the first place as there’s a common rumor going around that says the Undisputed Title was supposed to go to HHH but he wasn’t healthy yet. I would completely buy that if someone told me it was true. This is the last WM before the brand split made an attempt to kill the company.  Let’s get to it.

Here’s your first clue that this show is going to be bad: Saliva plays Superstar to kick it off. Not O Canada? Seriously, we get this to start the show? Anyone else kind of disappointed? Don’t get me wrong, Saliva is a sweet band (their concerts completely suck though. Save your money and just listen to the CDs. They’re miles better).

The fans aren’t even into it at all as it’s just completely out of place. The standard “This is our Super Bowl” video follows.  That is used a lot but there’s a reason: it’s the truth.  The four guys in the main events tonight get to talk about what Mania means tonight.  They did a good job of making it feel epic if nothing else.  Pretty cool video of people talking about how important Mania is, and 8 minutes after the show started we hear JR. Lawler is back this year and it’s very nice to hear. Those two just belong at Wrestlemania.

Intercontinental Title: William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam

Ladies and Gentlemen (notice the Saliva pun?) we have proof once and for all that Vince hates RVD and anything he didn’t create. If you remember the fall before this, Van Dam was main eventing a pay per view and getting great pops everywhere the show went. He was incredibly over and it’s not like his in ring stuff is terrible. Sure he’s no Lou Thesz but it’s not like he does nothing out there.

Wouldn’t you think a guy that gets pops like he does is worth more than the opening spot? Just shows me that no matter what he did, RVD was never going to get a fair shake. He gets caught with drugs once and he’s gone. Jeff gets caught how many times and still gets a title run.  (Ironically enough I’m rewriting this the morning after Victory Road 2011).  Seriously, there’s something completely not right about that.

Regal is perhaps the most bland heel I’ve ever seen at this point. He was just completely boring. The crowd is chanting for RVD less than 20 seconds in.  Standing moonsault gets no cover by Van Dam as he starts off very quickly.  Regal grabs the brass knuckles very quickly but RVD kicks them out of his hand.  Spin kick misses but Van Dam hits the jump kick to set up the Five Star.

That misses and it’s Regal with a cover for two.  Suplex gets two.  RVD fights back a bit but the Regal Cutter (neckbreaker) puts him right back down.  Off to the chinlock and Regal is bleeding from the mouth.  Rolling Thunder eats knees and a butterfly powerbomb gets two.  Regal Stretch doesn’t work either.

Monkey flip puts Regal down but Rob walks into a SICK half nelson suplex to send him to the floor.  Regal goes out to get Van Dam and finds the knuckles which the referee knocks away.  Regal pulls out more but Van Dam kicks him in the face and the Five Star starts Van Dam’s Mania unbeaten streak.

Rating: C. This isn’t much at all. It’s the second year in a row Regal was in the IC match in the opening, but this is far worse than last year as it was just kind of there. There’s no story, no psychology that’s noticeable, and it’s mainly Van Dam just using his signature moves. It’s not a terrible match, but there was nothing great about it at all.

Lillian is with Christian and we see a clip of him turning on his mentor DDP who helped him get over Christian’s losing streak.  Christian doesn’t need Page or Toronto anymore.  That’s a bad thing for Page apparently.

European Title: Christian vs. DDP

Christian’s At Last You Are On Your Own entrance is just great. He’s announced as being from Tampa, Florida, which is a very nice little heel touch that could be done more often. DDP was the guy that drove the Pink Cadillac at WM 6 in the same building. Page is so ridiculously charismatic it’s unreal. He might even rival Hogan in that category.

Christian jumps him as we get into the ring and it’s on early.  DDP gets a nice gutwrench powerbomb into a gutbuster.  Cactus Clothesline by Page takes us to the floor.  Back in and Page tries the ten punches in the corner but Christian pops Page in the balls to break that up.  Page is knocked to the floor as this isn’t interesting at all.

An attempted crotch shot to the post by Page is blocked.  Nothing of note is going on here.  Back in the ring and we get an abdominal stretch.  Discus lariat misses and it’s back to Christian’s control.  Page gets something close to a powerslam off the top and both guys are down.  There’s the discus lariat and down goes Christian.

Modified spiral bomb by Page gets two again.  Neither the Unprettier or the Diamond Cutter works and Christian gets two off a reversed DDT.  Christian avoids having a temper tantrum which was this stupid thing he was doing at the time.  Diamond Cutter ends it clean and Page retains.  He never got over in WWE at all.  Page makes fun of Christian post match.

Rating: D+. Just like the previous match, this was next to nothing. These matches simply don’t feel like Wrestlemania matches to put it as basically as I can. They’re PPV quality I suppose, but not WM quality. Again, not bad, but nothing special at all.  Like I said, Page just never clicked at all in this company.

Christian has a fit post match.

Coach is with Rock in the back and the fans chant for Hogan.  Rock asks Coach is he said his prayers this morning but Coach says he got busy and forgot. Rock makes him say his prayers, which Coach starts off with by saying “What’s up G?” Rock freaks and throws him out. Coachman getting harassed by Rock simply never got old. Rock rips his t-shirt as he says Hogan will smell what he’s cooking. Good grief he was amazing.

Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Maven

Yes, Eyebrows Huffman is back and somehow he has a title. This match is happening for the sole reason of having a hardcore title match. Remember 24/7 is still in effect. Maven gets his teeth kicked in beyond belief on the floor, more or less being a crash dummy.  A golden shovel goes into Maven’s ribs.  He then lands the only move he ever really mastered: a standing dropkick. He really was great at that.

Other than that, Maven is beaten inside and out here as this is little more than a squash at this point. They hit each other with trash can lids but Spike Dudley runs out with a referee and pins Maven to win the title?  Yes this clearly needed to be on the PPV as we’re now almost 40 minutes into the show and the highlight is a TV match for the IC Title and Maven’s theme music.

Crash Holly runs down and chases Spike, Goldust chases Spike and Maven chases Goldust. Oh this isn’t going to end with just the match is it?

Drowning Pool performs Tear Away to “tell the story” of the Undisputed Title. Instead of, I don’t know, maybe just telling us? This is overkill at this point and the fans really aren’t that interested. This goes on WAY too long as even I’m fast forwarding. You can barely see the video that the song is supposed to be accompanying. This is a waste of time.

In that back, Crash and Spike are fighting but Al Snow drives a golf cart through a wall of boxes (good thing they were there isn’t it?) but Spike gets away. As he’s about to leave, Hurricane swings in on a cable and kicks Spike to win the title as Al gives chase. Oh this is going to be a long night.

Don’t try this at home.

After a 30 second spot to say don’t try this at home, we get a recap of what we just saw with Hurricane doing stuff that you could do at your own home. I know we have short attention spans but be serious people.

Kurt Angle vs. Kane

I’m trying to think of why this match happened and I’m drawing a blank. Apparently Kurt blames him for not being in the main event tonight so I’m guessing Royal Rumble. You figure it out.  Anyway there’s no video for it or anything like that so how am I supposed to know?  Pre match Angle references the scandal with the Canadian Olympic skating team.  He’s the big red, white and blue machine.  Kane’s pyro cuts him off.  He’ll have to be subject to the blue and white machine aspects of Kurt I guess.

Angle hits Kane with the bell during the pyro to give him the advantage.  Apparently Kane got attacked by Angle a few weeks ago and his head is messed up because of it.  German puts Kane down.  Kane comes back with right hands but walks into an overhead belly to belly and a clothesline.  We keep hearing about Angle not being in the main event because of Kane which I guess could have been due to a Jericho/Angle title match which I don’t remember either.

Another suplex sends Kane down again for two.  Off to a front facelock but Kane is like screw that and tosses him off.  Better than tossing his salad I guess.  Angle busts out a top rope clothesline and the fans boo the heck out of him, which is odd as that was a solid clothesline.  The second attempt at it is caught and down go both men.

Here’s Kane’s comeback with a back drop and powerslam.  Chokeslam gets two and Kane gives us a throat slit.  Tombstone is reversed and there’s the Angle Slam for two as well.  There’s the ankle lock but it gets reversed.  Never mind as it’s right back on again.  Kane gets an enziguri to take down Angle again.  On the bad leg Kane goes up only to get suplexed off the top which never gets old.  Chokeslam is reversed into an incredibly sloppy rollup with Kane’s shoulder up to end it.

Rating: C+. Decent match and by far the best match of the night so far, but that ending really hurts it.  Also, why did this match exist again?  It’s very odd to see WWE give us a match like this with absolutely no explanation.  Nothing too bad here, but dang there was limited chemistry.

Hurricane is trying to hide but winds up in Godfather’s locker room with his ladies. They see him and Godfather chases him off. Point?

We recap Taker vs. Flair.  Taker was eliminated by Maven at the Rumble in a big surprise. Rock made fun of him for it so they have a match at No Way Out. Taker tries to use a pipe on Rock but for no reason at all Flair comes out to stop him. Taker challenges him for Mania but Flair says no.

Taker starts beating up his loved ones such as Arn Anderson and his son David. He threatens to beat up his daughter and that’s enough to get Flair to say yes. Part of the deal with this is that during a fight on Smackdown, Flair hit a “fan”. This gets him arrested and thrown off the Board of Directors (Flair being demoded. Holy crap.) Tough guy Taker with the ability to talk is freaking awesome. This is no DQ also.

Undertaker vs. Ric Flair

Flair still looks human here.  He hammers away to start as Taker is knocked backwards quickly.  They go out onto the table with Flair mauling the dead man.  Back into the ring and Flair hammers away.  All Flair so far at about two minutes into this.  Flair jumps off the apron at Taker but gets caught and rammed into the post.  This of course gives us time to talk about the plane crash.

Taker sends Flair into the steps, prompting a fan to say that had to hurt which makes me laugh.  Back in the ring and they hammer away even more.  Flair goes into the middle buckle and somehow isn’t bleeding yet.  Back to the floor again via a Flair Flip and a big boot as Taker pounds Flair into a chair.  Flair is, say it with me, busted open.

Back into the ring now and Flair is getting hammered down.  BIG chop out of the corner by Flair and here he comes.  Ross is into this too as you would expect.  Taker’s face is cut a bit as he hits a superplex to kill Flair dead.  That of course gets two as Taker hammers away while pulling Flair up every time.  Taker goes up for Old School and wastes enough time to have it countered.

We hit the floor again and Flair finds a lead pipe on Taker’s bike, popping him in the head with it.  That doesn’t put Taker down of course and we fight up the aisle with Taker bleeding but in control.  Flair finds a metal sign to get some shots in as we head back into the ring.  Big kick to the balls breaks up a chokeslam attempt and it’s time for the leg.

There’s the Figure Four and Taker is in trouble.  Taker grabs the throat ala Big Show back in 96 and chokeslams Flair for two.  To be fair it was a pretty weak chokeslam.  Does goes the referee and according to Taker it’s pipe time.  Arn Anderson pops up out of nowhere and DRILLS Taker with a spinebuster to a huge pop and a two count.

Taker brings in another weapon, this time a chair, but according to Law #8 of wrestling, Flair gets it and pops Taker with it a few times.  A big boot stops that and it’s time for the Last Ride.  For some reason Flair dead weights him so instead it’s a Tombstone (BIG pop for that) to end it as that looked great.  Flair is victim #10.

Rating: B. Leave it to the old guys to come out there and have one of the better matches of the show.  I don’t think anyone thought Flair would win but it was fun to see him go out there and just be Flair one more time.  After this it was more or less nothing but Evolution and HHH for Flair so it didn’t mean much.  Flair would be a heel very soon and Taker would be world champion in a few months.  Good match.

Booker talks about how smart he is.  He mentions knowing about Einstein’s theory of relatives.  This was about one of the most creative backstories I’ve heard in awhile.  Booker was allegedly trying to get an endorsement deal for a Japanese shampoo commercial, but before he signed the contract the company found Edge instead. This match is the result of that. You have to say, that’s creative if nothing else.

Booker T vs. Edge

 

So Edge is awesome and it’s his hometown.  Who do you think is going to win here?  JR wants a cheeseburger from the Hard Rock Café.  Funny sign: They Are Fighting Over Shampoo.  Truer words have never been spoken.  Ton of Edge signs and he gets a great reaction.  Basic stuff to start with Booker landing a hot shot to take Edge down.

Out to the floor for just a bit and a missile dropkick gets two.  All Booker so far.  Edge fires back with a big chop but Booker takes him down on the back of his head with an Alabama Slam for two.  Edge botches a top rope rana as Booker lands on Edge’s back which has to freaking hurt.  Spinwheel kick by Edge for two and here he comes (to save the day!).

Scissors Kick is reversed into the Edge-O-Matic for two.  A top rope spinwheel kick (love that move) gets two for the Canadian.  Twisting sunset flip out of the corner is countered into a slingshot by Edge but the spear misses.  Spinarooni sets up the axe kick for two.  Edge gets an arm drag and the spear for a close two.  And there’s the Edgecution to end things.  That came out of nowhere.
Rating: C. While this was really just an excuse to get the hometown boy on the show, the pop he got makes up for it. While not bad, this isn’t the best match for either of them but it’s certainly good. Edge’s super push continues, but would get knocked off the tracks by neck surgery just 10 months later as he was cracking into the main event.

In the back, Hurricane is interviewed by Coach about being Hardcore Champion. His sidekick, Mighty Molly appears and says that they need to leave. She then hits him in the head with a frying pan to win the title. Ok, I get that this is supposed to be silly, but there is no reason why there’s a freaking frying pan there. What’s that for, in case Big Show wants a fried roast? Seriously, at least use a chair or something.

All right ladies and gentlemen, pay attention, because you’re about to see the worst idea in Wrestlemania history.

We recap Austin vs. Hall.  In short it was Austin vs. the NOW and the first person he went after was Hall.  That’s about all there is to it.  However, the first thing I want to know is what the heck? Austin is main eventing the show one year ago and is now the midcard special? No wait that would be Rock and Hogan. Austin is now doing the Angle/Benoit match from last year.

This should have been Rock or someone else, leaving Austin vs. Hogan, end of discussion. Your story here is that the NWO took out Austin at No Way Out and cost him the title. Austin kidnapped Hall and tortured him, leading to the NWO attacking Austin and breaking a cinder block over his knee. In a move that was never explained, Austin’s OTHER knee is bandaged the next week. Anyway, let’s get on with this.

Scott Hall vs. Steve Austin
As soon as the bell rings we see your basic problem: Austin is viewed as a superstar, Hall is viewed as a joke. Hall is good enough in the ring to hang with Austin, but no one is buying this. Nash is out with him and helping Hall so at least it’s Austin vs. the Outsiders, but this just feels weak all over.

Austin would soon go on hiatus for several months (I saw his last match before he did this, or at least one of them) and I can’t say I blame him. His character was dead and buried at this point and he would only hang around for about another year.  Anyway let’s get to this.  Austin pounds away to start and it’s about what you would expect.

Thesz Press and the middle finger elbow connect before Hall can even get the vest off.  Hall takes a ton of shots into the buckle and it’s off to the floor now.  Austin pops Nash and heads back into the ring only to take a clothesline for two.  They slug it out even more as Hall is shall we say limited at this point.  Hall sends him to the floor and Nash hammers away.

Back in goes Austin and it’s more basic offense by Hall.  WORST FALL AWAY SLAM EVER gets no cover.  The fans chant Razor as he gets a clothesline for two.  Nash adds in some shots to try to make the inevitable ending a bit less annoying.  Austin grabs a weak spinebuster for no cover.  Hall fires more punches as that’s about all he can do here.

Hall hits the ropes but runs into a Stunner out of nowhere so Nash pulls the referee out and drills him.  The double beating begins but Austin fights them off and it’s a Stunner for both with no referee.  Nash takes out the replacement referee as well so Austin backdrops Hall to the floor.  The fans all look at something and it’s a bunch of referees to get rid of Nash.  Hall hits a Stunner for two and then Austin gets a Stunner as well to end this for good.

Rating: D. I hate this match. It’s almost filler and for Austin, that’s a slap in his face. Put simply, he deserves much better than this. Hall and Nash just aren’t a legitimate challenge for the guy that was the world champion most of the previous year. Hall is ok to feed to someone like Edge or Benoit, but putting him in there with Austin? In no way, shape or form is that acceptable. I’m actually ticked off about this now. This is flat out stupid.

We see a video on Access. That really is a cool idea. It’s like a convention where you can meet wrestlers, call matches, etc.

Tag Titles: Billy/Chuck vs. Dudley Boys vs. APA vs. Hardys Boys
Saliva plays the Dudleyz theme and Stacy looks insanely hot dancing with them. That’s your match highlight. This has elimination rules. The APA are purely here to fill a spot as they would be split up a month later. Lita is in a match later so she’s not here either.  Still just one set of titles at this point.  You Look So Good To Me is freaking catchy.

This is under elimination rules by the way.  The APA jumps the champions as they come in.  Bradshaw and Chuck start us off and some double teaming puts Bradshaw down.  Crowd is dead here as you would expect them to be.  The APA and the champions (Billy and Chuck if I didn’t mention that earlier) have done the whole of the match so far.

Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Billy and then it’s off to Bradshaw.  D-Von finally comes in and gets beaten down also.  Total mess so far and we’re only about two minutes in.  Farrooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck outside and the Clothesline ends Billy.  Before Bradshaw can cover though a 3D puts the APA out.  The Hardys come in to fight their old rivals.

The key word there is old, as neither of them meant anything anymore and both would go their separate ways very soon.  Double DDT on Chuck clearly doesn’t hit the mat but who cares?  The Dudleys set up a table on the floor which is for later I’d assume.  Whisper in the Wind takes down Bubba but Stacy gets on the apron and pulls her shorts up into a thong.  Jeff spanks her and shoves her down.

Bubba Bomb takes down Jeff who is a very pale man.  Bubba hammers on him for awhile as we couldn’t be going through the motions more if our lives depended on it.  We hit the chinlock as this is just boring.  D-Von comes in to change a few things.  Jeff gets caught in the Tree of Woe and Bubba steps on Jeff’s balls.  Edge and Christian did that to Matt last year.

Matt comes in to send Bubba to the floor, knowing what Jeff’s balls feel like.  Jeff gets a reverse DDT to bring in Matt.  D-Von brings in Bubba and I’d rather watch some old 95 Raw than this.  It’s that boring.  Bubba misses his big back splash which has never hit once, likely for the sake of people’s lives.  Billy saves Matt from What’s Up by shoving D-Von through the tables.

Twist of Fate and the Swanton put the Dudleys out.  Chuck kicks Matt’s head off immediately after and we’re down to two teams here.  Matt grabs a Side Effect on Billy as the crowd is more or less silent here.  Poetry in Motion to Billy and the double finisher to Chuck.  Billy gets a Fameasser to Jeff for two but then a belt shot to Jeff ends it.

Rating: F. How in the freaking world do you go from TLC 2 to this in just a year?  The tag division was completely dead at this point so they split the belts.  Well of course they did because that’s the dumbest thing they ever could have done.  This was awful and everyone knew it.  Boring all around with only Stacy being at her hottest to be worth anything.

Outsiders say they’re going to help Hogan. Hogan says don’t do it.

Molly runs into a door and Christian pins him. Tell me it’s over. I need to hear that it’s over.

Now it’s time for the REAL main event of Wrestlemania 18: The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan.  This all starts with a tale as old as time: Rock wants to know who the better man is. In this case, that’s all this feud needed.  Anyway, Hogan pins Rock with the leg drop in a 6 man on Raw, so we already have a reason to believe Hogan can win. Seriously, that should be enough right?

The scene with Rock and Hogan standing toe to toe in the ring on Raw in Chicago to start up the feud is incredible.  Rock: “You talk about headlining Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania.  Well how do you feel about headlining one more Wrestlemania with THE ROCK?”  Game on.

Now we get to the really idiotic part as Hogan hit Rock in the back of the head with a hammer.  When he was loaded into the ambulance, Hogan commandeered a semi truck and plowed into it.  Rock was of course back on Raw the following week because that’s how he rolls I guess.  Vince thought that two of the biggest names of all time facing each other wasn’t enough so he threw in a pointless story. That was just a waste to me and always will be.
The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan

Hogan’s pop is insane as the fans show that Hulkamania will indeed live forever.  When Hogan is in the ring a HUGE Hogan chant starts up.  Rock’s pop is clearly smaller, but it’s there.  Ross tries to call this a mixed reaction which is just laughable.  The staredown is indeed awesome.  The guys seem really confused about the crowd.  They pop for the bell.  When do you ever hear that?

Hogan sends Rock flying off the lockup and the place erupts.  I’ve always liked Hogan talking trash in the most basic of moves.  In a headlock for example “Ask him ref or I’ll rip his head off!”  Hogan shoves him away again and says just bring it.  Hogan hammers away, saying “You ain’t nothing meatball”, which is a line from Rocky III.

Rock gets the big jumping clothesline/forearm and is booed out of the building.  Rock hammers away and almost goes over the top but instead hits the floor under the ropes.  An attempted Rock Bottom is blocked and Hogan “hits” an elbow to the top of the head and pounds away at Rock on the mat.  Rock spears him and pounds away as the crowd is all over him.

Hogan gets a belly to back suplex to calm the riot.  He throws on an abdominal stretch and rolls Rock up for two.  Let the back raking begin.  Time for some punches in the corner and Hogan can do no wrong more or less.  Rock comes back with chops but Hogan gets what looked like a chokeslam of all things but I think was supposed to be a clothesline.

The wrist tape comes off and Hogan chokes away but Rock fires off some punches, only to be sent to the floor.  Almost all Hogan so far as Rock can barely get anything going.  Hogan starts setting up the (English) announce table but Rock rams him into the table to save himself.  Rock tries a chair shot as more or less he’s turned heel mid match.  The referee stops it though and we head back in.

Down goes the referee and it’s a spinebuster by Rock to set up the Sharpshooter.  Rock might as well be eating a bowl of puppy and rainbow stew at this point.  Hogan taps but there’s no referee.  See, why in the world would Rock let Hogan go to wake up the referee?  He’s going to get up on his own and Hogan is more or less dead.  LOUD Rocky Sucks chant starts up which hasn’t been heard in years.

Rock takes a low blow and walks into his own Rock Bottom for two.  The weightlifting belt comes off but Rock gets a DDT and more booing.  Rock whips Hogan just like Hogan whipped him as the referee is down again.  There’s a Rock Bottom to Hogan for two as the Hulking Up begins.  The usual finishing sequence including the legdrop blows the roof off the place but only gets two, blowing what’s left of the roof off the place.

A second big boot hits but the leg drop misses.  Rock Bottom plants Hogan but Rock isn’t done yet.  He adds a second Rock Bottom to more or less kill Hogan.  He nips up and it’s the People’s Elbow to get something close to a pop and send Hogan into vibrating fish mode.  That’s enough to get the pin finally.

Rating: C+. There’s good and bad here. The crowd was electric the whole night and the nostalgia levels were off the charts. There’s one simple problem though: Hogan didn’t have it anymore. He was old and bad at this point, and his stuff simply wasn’t credible. While it’s fun, it’s not that good. The crowd and the atmosphere is all of the grade here.  They had a great story of having Rock be the younger and in better shape guy that outlasted Hogan in the end.  Well done and it worked very well by the end.  Good story, good crowd, weak execution though.

Hogan offers Rock a handshake post match and we get it to a big pop.  Rock leaves and the Outsiders come down, all ticked off about the handshake.  They beat him down until Rock comes back for the save.  Hogan tries to leave but Rock wants him to pose, and you don’t have to ask Hogan twice to do that.  That eats up a few minutes and Hogan raises Rock’s hand as they leave together.
Big Show is at WWF New York as we have a new attendance record.

Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus

I’ve been watching wrestling over 20 years and I have never heard a more dead reaction for a champion than Jazz gets here. Literally, not a sound. No booing, no anything at all. It is complete silence. Lita gets a nice pop as I remember how completely awesome she was as a face. The song is perfect for her and her gyrations could give Melina a run for her money.

Trish of course gets the mega pop as the hometown girl. The problem here is simple: this match is following The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan. No one cared and I don’t care now.  Well I do care about Trish in the tiny white shorts with the maple leaf on her trunks.  Lita and Jazz go at it before Trish gets there.  The two that people actually care about go at it on Jazz which doesn’t really work.

Half crab goes on Trish and now she’s in trouble.  Double chicken wing to Lita as it’s all Jazz.  Crowd is dead and you can clearly see a lot of people walking around and heading to the concession stand.  This is one of those matches where nothing that happens actually matters so I’m not really going to bother with telling you what’s going on.

Trish is apparently hurt so of course Lawler offers to give her mouth to mouth.  Trish rolls through a top rope cross body by Lita to get two on the redhead.  Bulldog gets two as Jazz saves.  Lawler lists off various countries that the show is airing in because they don’t want to call the match which I completely understand.  I don’t want to either.

Lita and Trish go at it before this was a huge rivalry and before they had fought a dozen times on PPV.  They slug it out with Lita mostly getting the better of it.  Jazz interrupts the Twist of Fate and then stops to let Lita hit her.  Lita takes her top off and tries a moonsault on both of them but winds up hitting Trish’s knees.

The two attractive ones hit heads and Jazz beats on them.  Trish’s bulldog is blocked by Lita but Lita gets crotched on the top.  Trish is knocked to the floor and a fisherman’s suplex off the top keeps the belt on Jazz.  Yes, Jazz beat Trish in a title match in Toronto.  Let that sink in for a minute.
Rating: F+. This is all based on how hot Trish and Lita look. The booking here is ridiculous to say the least. Trish gets the huge pop, comes out third, and doesn’t win? No. In no way, shape or form is this logical.

Christian tries to get a cab and escape as champion but Maven runs up on him and rolls him up to leave Mania with the title.  At least it’s over.

WWF Undisputed World Heavyweight Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho

It’s main event time and Drowning Pool plays HHH to the ring.  Since there’s no backstory, here I am for the rescue.  HHH and Stephanie are divorcing so Jericho teamed up with Stephanie so he’d have an advantage. HHH is back from the quad tear and won the Rumble to earn this shot.  People are leaving the arena early as they know the ending already.  What does that say about the main event of Wrestlemania?  It’s that obvious that HHH gets the title back tonight.

Jericho has both belts because the Undisputed Title was supposed to go to HHH so he gets the big unified belt.  Stephanie looks great in the skin tight leather body suit but the hair isn’t working at all.  The crowd of course is confused because Jericho is Canadian but HHH is rather awesome at this point.  Jericho has the bright green tights here to (not really) match Stephanie.

The champion wisely goes after the leg to start us off.  Jericho chops away but HHH gets the jumping knee, only to limp away afterwards.  HHH gets sent to the floor although he manages to send Jericho out as well, landing ribs first on the railing.  We set up the Spanish announce table but Jericho gets a kick to the knee to stop HHH again.

Back in the ring and a spear by HHH takes Jericho down for a bit.  We’re only a few minutes into this and they’re having some issues really getting going so far.  HHH goes after the knee of Jericho to be funny I guess.  Ironic maybe?  Whatever.  A Flair knee crusher sets up a Figure Four.  Stephanie gouges his eyes to break that up though and the stalking is on.

That was another thing: everyone knew that HHH would get the Pedigree on Stephanie at some point tonight.  Jericho charges at HHH but takes Stephanie down instead.  Pedigree attempt to Stephanie but Jericho gets a missile dropkick to break it up and take over.  The bad leg goes around the post a few times and Stephanie kicks it as well.

Jericho works on the knee some more in the ring and the Canadian is in control.  Back to the post again as Stephanie adds a leg wrap in also.  There’s the Canadian favorite of the figure four around the post.  Back in and HHH tries to fight but gets taken down by a drop toehold.  Jericho cranks on the leg as we’re steadily into the formula here.

Spinning toehold goes on by Jericho as the fans chant for Hogan.  Well of course they are.  HHH sends Jericho shoulder first into the post to break the momentum and adds a neckbreaker which Jericho is up from first somehow.  Clothesline gets two for HHH.  Facebuster hits but HHH can barely move after it.  His offense is so knee based it’s unreal.

Spinebuster, perhaps his only non knee based move, gets two.  Jericho reverses to send HHH out to the floor and therefore end the momentum that HHH had going for him.  Jericho sets up the table again but can’t get the Walls of Jericho on there.  Pedigree is broken up also and it’s a backdrop through the table.  That and the Lionsault both gets two in the ring.

HHH gets back up but again can’t get the Pedigree.  Jericho gets a shot to the knee and there are the Walls.  After wasting some time with Jericho pulling HHH back to the middle he gets the ropes as we all knew he would.  This is why heels not named Kurt Angle shouldn’t use submissions: they never work.  HHH gets the rope of course.

Jericho hits the floor and grabs a chair.  HHH grabs a DDT onto it and no one cares.  Just get to the ending already.  Stephanie gets in the ring and shoves the referee down.  There’s a Pedigree for your efforts woman.  Jericho gets a chair shot to the head for two and freaks out as only he can.  Jericho tries a Pedigree and it naturally gets reversed.  He tries to come off the middle rope and the real Pedigree finally ends it.

Rating: C+. It’s ok, but that’s it. The crowd was so dead it’s not even funny and it hurt the match really badly. Had this match gone on during the middle of the show or even just switched places with Rock/Hogan, it goes up in value at least 3x. The finish was anti-climactic and while it wasn’t one of the worst WM main events of all time as it’s certainly not a bad match by any means, it’s certainly not a good main event.

Massive posing takes us out.  HHH would lose the title the next month to Hogan.

Overall Rating: C. I picked C because a C is average, which is what this show is. While it’s not terrible, it’s also not great and it falls somewhere in the middle. However, there’s too much filler which would become a problem with many of the Manias to come.

The problem here is simple: a lot of these matches either need to lose 5-10 minutes each, or be on Raw/Smackdown. Angle, Kane, Booker T and Edge all should be on WM, but their matches had next to no story to them. This is a situation in which the MITB match was a GREAT idea. All those pointless matches with wrestlers that certainly should have been on the card got thrown into a match that fit their level on the roster but also had a point to it.

Instead of getting these random one on one matches that are ok but tiring, we get one big exciting match instead. Overall the biggest issue with this show is obvious: the main event wasn’t the last match of the show and it killed the ending. If you want to make this Mania much better, don’t watch it in order and skip some of the boring stuff that no one cares about. Not bad but not great, watch it if it’s raining outside and you’re out of alcohol.

Impact
Date: March 24, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Do the Math

It’s another week in the Impact Zone after last week’s pretty awful show.  For some reason I have a better feeling about this show tonight.  I hope we don’t have another #1 contenders match tonight as there seems to be one on every show.  Other than that we continue on the Road to Lockdown.  Let’s get to it.

We open with clips of Anderson wanting a title shot last week and the segments with Hogan.  Oh and they swear a lot.  This has various editing in it so they have the same thing said multiple times and with different voice effects.

In the arena it’s Anderson and some guy in a suit.  There’s what appears to be a dry erase board in the ring.  Into the ring and there’s a bunch of math and formulas on the board.  This guy is apparently a professor from the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and is a mathematician.  He talks about how Hogan and Bischoff are trying to mess this up for him.  Last week there was a double pin last week which he draws on the board.

Anderson never got a rematch and when you add up everything, WHERE IS HIS FREAKING REMATCH???  The professor says he does deserve a rematch and that’s it from him.  Oh wait Anderson wants to talk about some chick he wants to sleep with back in college.  Anderson implies the professor wanted to sleep with her too which the professor admits to.

The girl told Anderson that the professor told her that Anderson was gay.  The professor admits to it and Anderson says that’s cool.  Say it with me: Mic Check to the professor.  Nothing for Mary Ann?  Cue Hogan and Bischoff.  The professor is out cold under the board.  Bischoff doesn’t see what Hogan sees in Anderson and that the Network won’t like this.  Eric says that this is all Hogan’s deal.

Hogan likes what Anderson did to the professor, saying that he thought it was entertaining.  Anderson has been running amuck recently and Hogan doesn’t like it.  Hogan doesn’t like the idea of Anderson not doing things his way, the Immortal way.  There won’t be a rematch unless Anderson earns it.  The rematch contract doesn’t count because it’s signed by Dixie.  That does cover why his win in the triple threat back in February is worthless so points for that.  It’s RVD vs. Anderson tonight for the shot at Sting.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.

Cue RVD as we take a break.  Back with RVD saying say what you were saying right now to Anderson.  Anderson says he’ll say it in the ring and calls Hogan a douchebag.  Hogan likes that and talks about playing in a sandbox with a perverted professor.  RVD isn’t sure why he signed with TNA in the first place.  He’s tired of being held back by Hogan and Bischoff and this needs to be RVDTV.

Sweet goodness it’s Sting now as I guess 20 minutes of talking isn’t enough to open a show.  I wasn’t huge on Sting’s new look at first but it’s growing on me.  He got a call from the Network also and they want Sting to be the enforcer in the main event tonight.  Dang the Network called him fast.  Granted they might have known about the match in advance I guess.

We get an update on AJ who has a bruiser spinal cord and he’ll be out indefinitely.

Tara vs. Mickie next.

Mickie James vs. Tara

 

What in the world happened to the Knockouts division?  This should be a great match but it’s been done into the ground.  Madison tells Tara to take Mickie down tonight no matter what it takes.  Naturally there’s a Charlie Sheen reference because everyone loves him still right?  We do get the Broken song though so I’m happy there.  Mickie dominates to start us off with a Thesz Press and a flapjack.
Tara is more or less in a bikini with a slightly longer top.  Can’t say I’m complaining.  Tara counters a rana attempt by Mickie into a powerbomb.  Tara goes up and gets crotched but fights Mickie off.  In a rather awesome looking move Tara does something that is kind of similar to a Styles Clash but instead of the ending to the Clash she landed in a Boston Crab position.  That was pretty cool looking.  Didn’t get the submission but the setup was cool.  Widow’s Peak attempt doesn’t work and a HUGE jumping DDT ends Tara at 3:20.

Rating: C+. These two fight a lot and I think I can see why.  First of all they’re both gorgeous and second of all they have good matches.  That DDT was awesome looking and is far better than whatever she uses usually.  I know she’s used it before but that was the first time I’ve seen it in awhile.  Good match here despite it being pretty short.

Anderson and Sting argue a bit in the back and Anderson wants to know a name at the Network.  There’s no name apparently and it’s just The Network.  That makes no sense so it’s probably a very important plot point for a major storyline.

We recap the borderline sexual assault on Okato last week by Pope.

Joe talks to Okato who has a match tonight.  Okato says something in Japanese.

Okato vs. D’Angelo Dinero

 

The announcer calls him Okada while the screen says Okato.  Okato jumps him immediately and is wrestling in that Jimmy Jack Funk mask.  After a quick attack to start he misses a dropkick off the top and here comes Pope.  The ropes are making loud noises whenever they’re hit tonight.  Pope vs. Joe at Lockdown.

Pope rams a bunch of knees into Okato’s head as he’s hanging over the apron.  He takes the boot off and drills Okato in the head with it, then takes the glove off to reveal a bunch of rings.  An uppercut with that is enough for a DQ at 2:28.  Barely even a match here as other than about 8 seconds at the beginning it was all Pope.  Pope pops the referee also and beats up Okato a bit more until Joe makes the save.  BIG reaction for Joe.

Video on Sting that we’ve seen like three times now which is about how he got into wrestling and loves TNA now.  TNA needed a hero so he came back.  Lots of Hardy mentions in this video which I’m not sure what to think of.

Now we get a video on Angle vs. Jarrett.  Is there a reason why we’re seeing a promo video for Lockdown in the middle of a show?  They’re good videos but I’m a bit confused as to why they’re airing here.

All show we’ve heard about Flair issuing a challenge to Fourtune.  That’s up next.

Back with RVD talking to Hogan.  Hogan thinks RVD is the guy and that he doesn’t get what Bischoff sees in Anderson.  He wants RVD to give it his all tonight and Van Dam leaves.  Hogan laughs and says what an idiot.

Here are Flair, Ray and Matt Hardy.  Flair talks about being God and how he’s going to hand the mic off to two great tag team wrestlers who are the best thing going today.  Wow indeed.  Matt looks so high it’s unreal.  He talks about being told they were the future 10 years ago but being stabbed in the back.  They’re going to stab Fourtune in the back but doing it straight ahead.

Bubba takes the mic and the fans chant for D-Von.  He talks about AJ not being here and how it’s because of Ray.  Apparently his Uncle Vito taught him to make people an offer they can’t refuse.  Ray asks for a 4-3 match at Lockdown.  Aren’t there only three of each?  Cue Fourtune minus AJ of course.

Kaz leads the charge and the fight is on.  Why are Flair’s clothes always ripped off in fights?  DWI attempt on Flair but the lights go red.  And Abyss is back and is the 4^th man.  There’s a chain brought in from somewhere and the big beating is on.  We take a break with Immortal standing tall.

Back with Abyss saying he’s stronger now and all that jazz.  He’s a monster don’t you know.

Here are Hernandez and his Mexican team, in this case the guy that ran in last week and Sarita/Rosita.  The guy is named El Anarchia.  The stable is called Mexican America apparently.  They’re taking our jobs, our women and our money because they’re the superior race.  Hernandez puts a Mexican flag over the American flag.  That flag is huge.  They call out Morgan who comes out with….he comes out with D-Von.

D-Von/Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez/Anarchia

This is a street fight.  There’s the massive Mexican flag above the ring and a British flag in the stands.  Holy international show!  Moregan and Hernandez in the ring with a fallaway slam taking Hernandez down.  The elbows in the corner set up a clothesline to send Supermex to the floor.  Velvet Sky runs down because this isn’t making enough sense already and she fights with the girls.

Angelina Love (blast that Jersey Shore chick so I now have to explain things) walks out very slowly but doesn’t do anything.  Winter comes out and screams ANGELINA.  Isn’t there like a MATCH going on right now?  Angelina leaves and we go back to the mach.  Anarchia hits D-Von with some object to end this at 3:40.  I know that’s long enough to grade but considering we saw maybe 90 seconds of the actual match and the rest was on the girls, no rating.

Scott Steiner/Crimson vs. Ink Inc

 

Glad to see Crimson actually getting some camera time.  Neal looks like he’s in boxers.  Total squash to start with Neal getting destroyed by both guys.  Moore comes in and gets beaten down also.  He gets the first offense of the match for his team in the form of a moonsault press.  Shannon goes to tag Jesse but Jesse is still hurt.  Instead he jumps into the Red Alert to end it 3:05.

Rating: D+. Just a squash here as I guess they’re splitting up Ink Inc now too.  Other than Beer Money who in the world is left for this division?  Unless we’re going to go back to the Guns vs. Beer Money again, I have no idea where else they’re going with it.  Total squash here with Ink Inc getting in a combined 2 moves.

Neal shows respect post match but Moore takes the head gear of Steiner and wipes himself with it and throws it at Steiner.  Neal yells at him for it.

Video of the Anderson vs. RVD match at Victory Road.

Rob Van Dam vs. Mr. Anderson

 

This match is happening because Earl Hebner never got to declare a winner.  So, in the last week, no one like, asked him who won?  Basic stuff to start us off as Anderson gets a neckbreaker for two.  Sting is the outside referee so they might as well stamp “Screwy finish” on this right now.  Backbreaker gets two.  Totally going through the motions here until we get to the ref bump.

And there it is as Anderson clotheslines the referee.  Chinlock by Anderson as Sting comes in as referee now.  Split legged moonsault gets two for RVD.  Rolling Thunder is avoided so RVD dives to the floor to take out Anderson.  Anderson fires a chair into the ring and Sting throws it out.  Mic Check into the post and RVD is done.  Anderson drills Sting and it’s a DQ at 6:43.  Ok, so RVD is #1 contender!  There is no way that there could be any other logical conclusion.

Rating: C-. The whole going through the motions thing got really annoying as they made it very clear that something was coming.  The ending just had to be screwy because that’s what they’re doing here to set up Lockdown, but now they’ve picked RVD.  Ok, that’s what I was hoping.  Just a winner.  I feel all at peace now.  I’m sure TNA will never find a way to change this.  Not them.  Not even a little bit.

Big pull apart brawl post match and we take a break.

Back with interviews with everyone involved in the match.  RVD doesn’t remember the match and thinks he has a title match tonight with Sting out of all this.  The interviewer corrects him and RVD is gone after the Mic Check into the post.  So another head injury angle?  Original guys, original.

Anderson wants to know why Sting is afraid of him.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Oh dear.  Oh dear indeed.  Anderson goes after Sting and they brawl again.  After they’re pulled apart Anderson wants to know who rang the bell.

Overall Rating: C. Far better than last week but I’m not sure what that’s really saying.  The ending likely is going to get changed because they’re dead set on that triple threat ending.  The pacing this week was WAY better with the wrestling being more spaced out.  Still not a great show really but it’s far better than last week.  I didn’t get annoyed during this one as I usually do, which is a good sign.  Much better show here.

Results

Mickie James b. Tara – Jumping DDT

Okato b. D’Angelo Dinero via DQ when Dinero hit Okato with rings on his hand

Hernandez/Anarchia b. D-Von/Matt Morgan – Anarchia pinned D-Von after hitting him with brass knuckles

Scott Steiner/Crimson b. Ink Inc – Red Alert to Moore

Rob Van Dam b. Mr. Anderson via DQ when Anderson hit the referee

Wrestlemania 17
Date: April 1, 2001
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 67,925
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman
Star Spangled Banner: N/A

And here it is. This show makes up for the back to back lousy shows. This review is going to be extremely biased as I’ve made no secret to the fact that I think this is the greatest PPV of all time, as do many others. Some, including me, say that this was the end of the Attitude Era. WCW and ECW were both gone in their original forms by this point and the WWF reigned supreme.

While I’ll save the backstories for the individual matches, WCW going out of business plays a role later on in the show in case you didn’t know. I used to have the original on video but I’ve misplaced it since then. It might have ran away as I’ve probably watched this show 75 times all the way through. Does it still hold that honor, almost 8 years later? Let’s find out.
We start with a bit of a strange video of people all over the world watching Wrestlemania, implying that it’s almost a spiritual event. One thing I don’t get though: a man and a woman curl up in the back of a car to watch it. Since when can you get PPV in the back of a car? I think I’m looking too deeply into this. Let’s get on with the show.

The main event here is the face vs. face rematch of Austin and the Rock, which was absolutely the only choice for the main event as neither had anyone even remotely close to them. If this tells you anything, the second biggest match on the card was Taker vs. HHH. Even that, two of the biggest stars of all time going at it pales in comparison.

The version I’m watching has Limp Biskit’s My Way in it.  The edited version sees it replaced by a song called Adrenaline Rush. This was used as the recap song for Impact, and this DVD of WM came out after that song was used by TNA. There’s something great about that. We are live in the Houston Astrodome, making this the first of the stadium Manias in quite some time.

It really makes it look better to me as there are almost 4 times as many people as there were at some Manias. The ring looks tiny and I love the visuals here. Paul Heyman is your analyst tonight as Lawler had quit the company. His wife, diva the Kat, had been released from the company for reasons unclear. Lawler thought it wasn’t fair so he quit as well. The witch then left him, causing him to lose his pride and come crawling back to Vince.

Enough talking.  On with the action!  And more talking, but I guess that goes with the territory.
Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

This was during the time when Regal was the Commissioner of the company. On his first night with that job, Jericho had some out and asked him to shut up. Regal responded by putting Jericho in various handicap matches. Jericho fights back by having Kane and Undertaker destroy his office and relieving himself in Regal’s tea. We get this match to resolve this feud. In the time it took me to type that, Jericho has finally made his way to the ring.

Jericho also did a thing on Raw where he dressed up as Doink to beat up Regal. Never got the point of that one. Another aspect of the story is Regal beat up Jericho on Smackdown, injuring Jericho’s left shoulder with his finishing move known as the Regal Stretch.  During Regal’s entrance we see the recap of what I just told you about.  The aisle is LONG here so there’s time for a lot of talking and recapping during entrances.

Jericho gets a clothesline to start and the forearm sets up some mounted punches.  Spinwheel kick puts Regal on the floor and Jericho is like screw it and hits a plancha to take Regal down.  Heyman is fired up to be here to put it mildly.  Top rope back elbow gets two and Jericho tries the Walls which he can’t hook on.  Regal’s chest is RED from those chops.  He manages to send Jericho shoulder first into the post and there goes the momentum.  He does it again just for emphasis.

Suplex gets two and Regal works over the arm again.  Jericho tries a quick Lionsault which misses and Regal gets a rollup for two.  Another suplex gets two.  Regal pulls the turnbuckle pad and Jericho’s shoulder goes into it twice.  The referee is all cool with this I guess.  Jericho fires off some enziguris to break things up a bit, called martial arts by Ross.

Missile dropkick from the middle rope gets two for Jericho.  He charges at Regal in the corner but misses.  Regal manages to get a butterfly suplex off the top which oddly works for him.  No cover though as Regal is down.  Scratch that as it was just delayed and it gets two.  Belly to back is reversed into a Walls attempt but the shoulder gives out and he can’t do it.

Regal locks on the Regal Stretch and Jericho is reeling.  There’s the rope though with a lunge.  That’s not quite the STF as it’s more of a half nelson instead of a crossface.  More chops by Jericho and he rams Regal into the buckle that was exposed.  Bulldog sets up the Lionsault and it’s over very abruptly.  I think they ended it early as Ross sounded surprised that it ended there.
Rating: B. Not long enough to be great, but there’s no dead spots and both guys beat on each other really well. Solid opener between two guys that know what they’re doing out there.  It always helps when you can tell these guys know what they’re doing and want to be out there.  Good stuff and a very good opener.

Shane arrives late, complete with a WCW license plate.  Surely a collector’s item.

APA and Jackie are in the back but they can’t find Tazz. Bradshaw doesn’t like that, and he says a great promo: “You don’t understand. It’s Wrestlemania! Heart are going to be broke. Legends are going to be made. Egos are going to be shattered and people are going to be kicked. We’ve got a match, LET’S GO!” Dang indeed.

APA/Tazz vs. Right To Censor

It’s my Lee special here. Very simple backstory here: RTC hates the APA because they smoke and drink. Tazz is just kind of there for the ride. I think RTC got on him for being a thug but that was minor. Paul Heyman makes some jokes saying they’re extremists, and when I hate something extreme, you know it’s bad. The one flaw to this show might be the entrance to the ring. Tazz is still walking when APA’s music hits.

Heyman’s jokes about Texas are great as you can tell he doesn’t like the place. If there’s a bad match on the show, this is definitely it. RTC in this case is Val Venis, Godfather and Buchanan.  Jackie and Stevie are the backups on the floor.  Val and Taz start slug it out on the floor and then in the ring so they start us off I guess.

Jackie DDTs Stevie as this is a big brawl to start.  Ok never mind as it’s Buchanan vs. Farrooq to officially get us going here.  Buchanan could certainly move for someone his size but he walks into a powerslam by Farrooq.  Off to Tazz now as the beating is on.  Big boot breaks that up and here comes the RTC.  That could be a really bad sitcom.

Val comes in with some knees to Tazz’s ribs.  Russian Leg Sweep gets two.  Tazz is sent into the ropes and falls into them in something resembling a botch.  Goodfather gets an elbow to take him down and a belly to back gets two.  The former Ho Train hits but a Vader Bomb misses.  Bradshaw comes in and cleans house, barely getting Goodfather over with a backdrop.

Everything breaks down and it’s a double spinebuster for Val, followed by a belly to back off the top rope.  The roof looks like a spaceship or something and every time they show it the thing looks awesome.  Another not Ho Train misses and the Clotheslin ends Goodfather.

Rating: C-. It wasn’t exactly bad, but it was far from great. They kept this short, which is good because there was really no point to this. Fast paced and the APA beating people up was always fun.  If this is the worst match on the show, I can more than live with it as this was perfectly fine but would have been better suited on Raw I think.

In the back, Trish brings in Linda in her wheelchair to meet Stephanie. Might as well give you the story now. Vince had said he wanted a divorce from Linda, who had a nervous breakdown because of it. Vince put her in an asylum or a rest home or something like that while he had an open affair with Trish. This was highlighted by a famous scene where Trish said she’d do anything for him so in the ring he had her strip to her underwear and crawl around, barking like a dog.

Shane reappeared and was furious with his dad for all of this so he challenged him to a street fight. With HHH’s help, Vince beat Shane down. However, the Monday before Mania, it was announced that Vince had (legitimately) bought WCW. However, in kayfabe, he had wanted to sign the contract at Wrestlemania.

Shane took this opportunity to sneak in and buy WCW from Vince, signing the papers that Monday instead of waiting. Shane showed up on the final Nitro to announce it, 6 days before the street fight. This eventually led to Stephanie “buying” ECW and the dreadful Alliance angle that took over the company all Summer. Had it not been for HHH tearing his quad, this angle could have been the biggest of all time. But that’s another story for another time. Anyway, Stephanie treats Trish like crap and she just takes it.  There’s a joke there somewhere.

Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Kane vs. Big Show

No real story here other than giving Raven an impossible set of opponents to defend the title against.  Paul’s advice to Raven: run a lot.  I can’t say I disagree.  Heyman says he’s a fearless man which gets a funny response from Ross of “let’s not get carried away here.”  Kane and Raven go at it before Show gets here.  Raven jumps him with a piece of plastic which gets him nowhere.

Here comes Show who takes his time getting to the ring.  Someone in the front row wave a Twinkie and he’ll be here in seconds.  With Show on his way, Kane presses Raven onto him over the top.  Show catches him and tries the Final Cut (why call it that anyway?  I never got that name) but Kane takes Show down with a top rope clothesline to the floor for two.

We’re in the crowd already and that’s the last time we’ll be in the ring all match.  Show is in his swimsuit here.  The cameraman has to try to follow these guys which doesn’t work at all.  Show and Kane hammer on each other as Raven is nowhere to be seen.  Ah there he is with a plastic something or other.

Kane grabs Raven and throws him into a wall which has a hole in it now.  Show slams Kane onto some pallets that are made of wood and chases Raven down.  They go into some caged storage area which Show locks.  Kane is like screw that and rips the door off and they keep up the fight.  They look like it’s all cleaning supplies or something like that.

Raven tries to choke Kane with a gardening hose and they go out of the cage place.  Kane keeps choking with the hose and then picks him up, throwing him by the neck through a glass window of an office kind of place.  Show, not to be out done, knocks Kane through the door.  Show wants the chokeslam on the floor but Kane fights him off, knocking him through the wall into another room.

Raven stumbles in and tries to get a shot in which gets him nowhere.  The champion steals a golf cart but Show jumps on the back.  Kane gets one of his own and brings the referee to chase after Raven and Show.  He almost runs over Raven’s leg as we hit catering.  Raven is thrown into the Snapple and the coffee much to Paul’s dismay.

You can tell they’re getting tired here as we hit the Gorilla Position.  They come out to the stage as the giants stalk Raven.  Kane goes off on Show but runs into a clothesline to take him down.  Show picks up Raven to toss him off the stage but Kane kicks Show off the stage and into part of the set.  Kane drops an elbow/leg onto them and pins Show to get the title.

Rating: C+. Not bad but not great. It was meant to be a wild brawl and that’s exactly what it was. We knew Raven would lose, just not who he would lose to. Quite well done and fine for what it was.  This was designed to be a fun hardcore match and it worked just fine as that.

Angle is watching a video of him tapping to the Crossface. Edge and Christian come up to talk but Angle doesn’t feel very chatty. He looks for what it means to officially tap out, saying that since it wasn’t a match, he didn’t actually tap. This is intense Kurt and it works really well.

Jimmy Snuka is at WWF New York, a nightclub/restaurant that was WWE themed. That would have been awesome.

There’s an Aussie at the show. Kind of cool actually that someone flew 30 hours from Australia for the show. There’s a REALLY bad edit here as I remember the woman saying WWF at least twice. It’s really badly covered up here.  Stupid panda loving hippies.

Rock arrives at the arena, 45 minutes into the show.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Always sad to see the two dead people wrestling on any show.  Dang Eddie’s music was sweet. Don’t really think there was much of a story here other than Eddie is your challenger. That belt just looks tiny on Test.  Eddie was a guest referee on Raw in a match with X-Pac which I think happened once the match was made.  Paul explains that Texas is part of Mexico.  I love Heyman at times.

Test gets a gutwrench powerbomb almost immediately so we hit the floor after the two.  Saturn is on the floor and in Eddie’s corner.  Test dominates with power here but gets caught going up on the inside.  Eddie tries a rana and either they botch it or Test didn’t know what was coming as he just stays there.  Test gets a shot from the middle rope for two and hammers away even more.

A big boot by the Canadian misses and Test gets all caught up in the ropes.  Eddie more or less rolls his eyes as he has to unhook Test who falls to the floor.  Eddie hammers on the ankle and we go back into the ring.  We kind of hit a lull as there isn’t much going on here.  A sleeper by Eddie wastes some time.  Test gets a tilt-a-whirl slam to break the momentum and they slug it out some.

Another tilt-a-whirl is spun into a powerbomb by Test for two which looked awesome.  Test wants the Full Nelson Slam but Eddie gets a low blow, allowing Saturn to hit the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza (it’s a neckbreaker and yes that’s the real name) for two.  Ross shouts about there being a third man in the ring.  That’s very true JR.  He’s called a referee.

Frog Splash misses and the pumphandle slam only gets two as Saturn distracts.  Big boot is loaded up and Saturn interferes again, taking the least convincing big boot ever.  Another boot to Eddie gets two as Dean Malenko interferes.  Test had to wait to cover Eddie forever because Dean took awhile to get to the ring.  Saturn throws in the belt and Eddie pops Test to win the title.
Rating: C-. This is easily the worst match of the show and it’s not completely terrible. Eddie clearly carries it but Test’s power offense was always fun. Not terrible, but for a Mania match, this was pretty bad. Definitely could have been left out and put on Heat instead.  Also this probably should have been about two minutes shorter.

Mick Foley, the guest referee for the street fight says that he’s not at all biased towards Vince for beating him up and firing him on national TV. He’s calling a fair match tonight.

And he’s going to do it right here, in Houston, Texas!

Austin is just getting here. Good grief the tardiness!  We’re an hour into the show almost and he’s just getting here?  Someone fine this guy and give him a stern lecture!

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit

Ok, here’s your story reenactment. 6 days ago on Raw:

Benoit: I don’t have a match at Mania.

Kurt: Neither do I.

Both: Let’s have a match.

Seriously, that’s it. This was thrown on the card because two top stars had nothing to do at all.  Angle runs down the Texas fans for the cowboy hats.  Also the flag is missing 49 stars.  That’s hilarious.  Paul: “This is as excited as a man can get with his clothes on.”  Never let it be said he doesn’t say what he was thinking.

Naturally we hit the mat to start as this is about as technical as you can get.  The fans applaud the standoff as they probably should.  Back to the mat and it’s another standoff.  We hear about how great they both are and it’s amazing to me that Angle has only been a pro for a year and a half now.  That’s incredible.  Angle overpowers Benoit and grabs a suplex kind of move.

Back to the mat again as this is almost all grappling so far.  Angle tries for the ankle but it’s back to just laying on Benoit.  This is very different but still incredibly interesting as you can see that they both know what they’re doing on a man.  Benoit almost gets the Crossface but Angle makes a rope.  Another single leg by Angle but Benoit tries the Crossface again, only for Angle to get to the ropes again.

More grappling and again Benoit can’t quite get the hold on before the rope is grabbed.  Angle pops him with a right hand and it’s time to fight.  Out to the floor and Angle whips Benoit into the steps to really take over.  Back in the ring and Angle gets a vertical suplex for two.  Make it a pair of both.  Benoit fights back with HARD chops but walks into a belly to belly to get a woo out of Angle.

Another belly to belly has Benoit in trouble.  We get a Jack Brisco reference which results in another argument from Ross and Heyman.  More chops by Benoit and momentum shifts a bit.  Snap suplex gets two as Benoit channels his inner Dynamite Kid.  Superplex off the top puts Angle down but Benoit can’t cover.  Blast it stop with the delayed covers!!!  It gets two as you would expect.

Time for the Rolling Germans as Angle is in trouble again.  Angle reverses into the ankle lock attempt but Benoit counters into an ankle lock of his own.  Crossface attempt number four but Angle has a hand between the grip and the face, allowing him to get a rollup to escape.  Angle grabs a Crossface of his own which might look more painful than Benoit’s.

Down goes the referee (of course) and Benoit gets the Crossface.  Angle taps (of course again) but there’s no referee.  Benoit (of course) lets go of the hold instead of waiting on the referee and Angle gets the Angle Slam for two (wow these guys are predictable).  Moonsault misses (that might have hit 5 times ever.  I’ll stop with the parentheses now) but the headbutt gets two.  Benoit tries a suplex but Angle gets a low blow and cradles Benoit with tights to end this out of nowhere.
Rating: B+. The finish kills this for me. These two are two of the best workers of all time and we need a pull of the tights for a pin? That doesn’t fly with me. However, the other stuff they did is absolutely great. If you can believe this, this isn’t even close to their best match ever. For that, check Royal Rumble 2003. That match is a candidate for greatest match of all time. I’ve been watching these two for years and I’ve yet to see a bad match from them.

Kamala is in William Regal’s office. Hilarity ensues. Heyman shakes his head like he’s waking up from a nightmare.

We see a video of a Wrestlemania pep rally in Fort Hood, Texas. This was really cool I thought. A bunch of wrestlers, mainly some divas, Angle and Taker visited the soldiers. Factor in that 9/11 was about 5 months away so soldiers at home were still the biggest thing I suppose. The commander got a nice WWF recliner and the wrestlers got plaques. Lita doesn’t seem thrilled about being there. Angle like it but would rather have a medal.

Angle is upset about something, saying he deserves the title. Benoit attacks and locks on the crossface and Angle taps again.

We see the recap of Chyna vs. Ivory. The idea here was that Chyna had a bad neck, allegedly caused by Ivory. Ivory, as a member of RTC, wasn’t happy with Chyna being in Playboy. Now this is the time where I’ll embarrass myself.  At the time, Ivory was kind of like the evil feminist. To steal the term from JR, imagine Lillith from Cheers or Frasier as a wrestler.

Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

The only good thing here is Chyna more or less in a purple bikini.  She launches a bunch of pyro with this big gun she carried with her at this time.  What do you expect here? This might last three minutes as Chyna annihilates Ivory.  Ivory gets in a few shots and that’s about all.  It ends with a press slam and Chyna officially murders the division to get the title. It took that mistress from Canada and the redhead to save it.

Rating: N/A. Not a match, but a squash. The problem here was that Chyna was a former IC Champion and had some great matches with men, including clean pins over guys like Jericho. Why should we believe that anyone else had a chance against her? Simply put, we didn’t. There was one good thing though. At this time, Chyna wanted money the likes of which Taker and HHH were getting.

Vince is a bit loony some times, but even he knew that was never going to happen. Chyna was gone within three months and the real women’s wrestlers were able to revive the division, including one of the best rivalries I’ve ever seen in Trish vs. Lita. This was a total slap in the face of the Women’s Division though.

In the back, Vince tells Michael Cole that he’ll get something shocking tonight.

I already recapped this feud above so read about it there.

Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon

Naturally this is a street fight.  Can someone explain why Shane, the face, is the one owning the invaders but Vince, the guy that represents the home grown talent is the heel? No one else could either so finally in June they made the change to fix this and we got the Alliance. We see some WCW people in a box in the rafters. Some faces I can identify: Stacy Keibler, Shawn Stasiak, Bobby Eaton, Chavo Guerrero and that’s it. Seriously? That’s the best you’ve got? And people have the nerve to ask why this bombed.

Vince and Shane have the same music which is kind of odd. Foley is the referee. Stephanie is with Vince and there’s no sign of Trish or Linda.  Vince pummels Shane to start us off and Shane is in trouble.  Shane fires back with basic strikes until Stephanie comes in to distract him.  He hammers on Vince with a sign of some kind and adds a clothesline to keep Vince down.  Some kendo stick shots have Vince in big trouble.
After some punches, Shane smashes him in the head with a monitor in an absolutely sick shot and lays him on the… wait for it. Wait for it. It’s coming. HE LAYS HIM ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!!! WOW! What a cool idea! Who would have ever thought of putting someone on there? Also, who makes those tables? They’re making a fortune which is impressive because they apparently make REALLY bad tables.

Shane goes to the top and launches a picture perfect elbow drop onto Vince but Stephanie pulls him out of the way as Shane “crashed, and he for sure, BURNED!” according to your favorite Oklahoman. At this point, Trish brings out Linda in the wheelchair.  The cleavage on Trish is mind blowing here, especially compared to Stephanie who hasn’t had her plastic surgery done yet. It’s kind of odd looking actually.

Anyway, Trish starts helping Stephanie up but turns face by slapping the tar out of Vince.  We get a cat fight and Foley pulls them apart before Stephanie slaps him. Trish chases her down the aisle and in the worst acting job of all time, she “falls” running down the aisle and Trish nearly catches her. Back at ringside, Vince nails Foley with a chair as Foley tries to protect Linda from Vince.

Vince puts Linda in the ring. He throws Shane and four garbage cans into the ring. Linda stands up and the crowd pops. Vince turns to see her and spreads his legs open to set up Linda kicking him low. Foley beats the tar out of Vince to allow Shane the chance to set up a Coast to Coast in an amazing athletic move to get the pin, as apparently he, Trish, Foley and Linda worked together to screw Vince over. They walk to the back as Vince’s, uh I mean Shane’s, or is it Vince’s, no wait it’s Shane’s I think, music plays. Get your own bad rap music already Shane!

Rating: B. This was a messy brawl, but given who it was and the ending, it was fun. Vince and Shane aren’t wrestlers, but they can put on a passable fight. That dropkick from Shane is always cool and this was its debut.  To have all of these angles come together in one match is really quite impressive.

We see the Hardys at Access talking about how they’re going to put their bodies on the line to win the tag titles. Truer words have never been spoken.

We cut to HHH getting ready for no apparent reason before cutting to Taker for no apparent reason. Dang that X7 baseball jersey was sweet. Always wanted one of those.

Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

This is yet another match with no story but it never needed one. These three teams all wanted to be the champions and this match was fairly obvious.  The Dudleys come in as champions here.  All four faces jump the Canadians to get us going here.  The Dudleys hit a flapjack to Christian as the beating is on.  The Hardys take down the Dudleys for awhile until Edge and Christian bring in a ladder.

Edge grabs a chair and he and Christian stand on Matt’s balls in the corner.  A double drop toehold by the Canadians puts Jeff into the chair.  Edge tries to get the belts but Jeff makes the save.  The Hardys get a double baseball slide into a ladder into the Dudleys on the floor.  Using a pair of ladders, Matt drops a leg and Jeff drops a splash on Christian at the same time.  Nice move.

There goes Matt’s shirt and there go the girls.  What’s Up to Edge And now it’s table time.  Edge is laid out on one so Bubba picks up Jeff and powerbombs him right through Edge and in turn the table.  On the floor now and the Dudleys stack up two tables on top of two more tables for the big spot later in the match.  Paul talks about Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville.  Oh dear.

More ladders are brought in and in a spot that still makes me and the crowd breathe in, Bubba takes a ladder and just bashes Matt in the head with it.  That has to hurt something fierce.  All six guys go up at once and all six guys come crashing down almost at once with some hitting ropes, some hitting mat and some hitting ropes.  Christian goes flying to the floor which looks AWESOME from the above the ring camera.

He sets up a table on the floor as Edge tries to go up.  Spike Dudley who was injured by Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno, comes out and takes down Edge and hits a Dudley Dog to Christian through the table.  Jeff goes up but it’s Rhyno out now for the save.  Gee I wonder who will come out to help out the Hardys.  Rhyno destroys everyone and here’s Lita.

She stops Edge from going up but gets caught in a gorilla press by Rhyno.  Spike saves her and it’s a Litarana for Rhyno.  Spike hits Rhyno with a chair and he falls into a ladder, sending Edge down.  Dudleyville (Doomsday) Device to Rhyno and he’s finally down.  Lita takes her top off (looking incredibly good in a black bra) but walks into a 3D.  Chair shots by the Canadians take out the Dudleys and Edge wants the big ladder.

Jeff gets the large ladder though and hits a Swanton onto Rhyno and Spike who are both on tables.  Spike takes the whole thing and Rhyno’s table doesn’t even break.  That was ALL Spike.  The big ladder is in the ring now and set up in the middle of the ring.  Christian and D-Von go up but Matt moves the ladder under them (with a shout of HERE WE GO first) and they’re stuck hanging there.

After both fall, Jeff walks across the top of the three other ladders (kind of as the third one falls) to get to the titles.  The big ladder is in the corner and Jeff goes up a regular one.  The ladder is moved by Bubba and since Jeff’s feet were on it, Jeff goes swinging in the opposite direction, right into a spear by Edge from the super ladder, which is not only Edge’s Wrestlemania moment, but the moment that made him a star.

Back after about 5 replays with Bubba and Matt going up the big ladder.  Rhyno shoves the ladder over and they go crashing through the four tables that were set up at ringside earlier.  D-Von and Christian go up but Rhyno gets beneath Christian and climbs up with Christian on his shoulders, giving him the needed assist to win the titles again.  Incredible match all around to say the least.
Rating: A+. These guys nearly killed each other. You can see that it’s miles better than last year because they knew what they were doing to a greater extent. That spear from Edge more or less ended Christian’s usefulness in the WWF as Edge began to get the singles push from here on out.

Either way, this match is great as it’s a total spot fest but it is still better than all of the MITB matches that would follow in its footsteps. If you’re bored here, go get a blood injection. The crowd ate this up and it just clicks all around as they somehow top the other matches they had which are also greats.

JR looks at the carnage and says it looks like a tornado went through a mobile home park.  There are wrestling rings and ladders at a destroyed mobile home park?

Video on Axxess, which looks AWESOME.  Various wrestlers say this is awesome, and they’re right.  You can call matches, get autographs and see all kinds of exhibits.  I’d love to go to something like this to say the lease.
There’s a record crowd for the Astrodome of 67,925. That’s very impressive.

Gimmick Battle Royal

Luke, Butch, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Goon, Doink the Clown, Kamala, Kimchee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang, Gobbledy Gooker, Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter

To any other old school freak like me, welcome to nostalgia heaven. We have 18 men in this and it’s nothing but the most off the wall gimmicks that the company could think of. Given some of the stuff WWF had done up to that point, this could be mind blowing. As an added bonus, Gene freaking Okerlund and BOBBY HEENAN do the commentary.

Oh my goodness, we have found the greatest Wrestlemania match of all time.  During the entrances Bobby calls Gene Tony in a funny bit.  Butch licks Mean Gene just like he did to me at a house show.  The pop for Jim is ridiculous.  You need to look all of these people up if nothing else to learn what bad gimmicks are all about.

The introductions took 5 minutes and the match lasts three minutes. The commentators mention that they’ve never seen a battle royal that ends so fast. Doink getting eliminated brings forth the loudest booing all night which doesn’t surprise me at all. The fans are totally into this which makes me smile.

Sheik wins if you’re interested. After that Slaughter comes back in and beats him up. Sheik won this because he wasn’t able to be thrown over the top rope due to age.  Nothing in the match means anything which is why I’m not even going to list it off.  Slaughter puts him in the Cobra Clutch post match because he’s an AMERICAN.

Rating: N/A as it’s not a serious match but I don’t ever remember having more fun with a single match. Even at 13 I knew this was cool and it still is to this day. The fans being 100% into it makes me very happy as it’s obvious they still like these guys. While a lot of matches like these bomb badly, the battle royal was a great idea as it kept things quick. Excellent match and all kinds of fun.

Now it’s time to get to the real meat of the show. Somehow, everything we’ve seen so far has been appetizer. That is unbelievable considering what we’ve seen so far. Seriously, TLC, Benoit/Angle or the street fight could be the second big match on any other card, but that’s not what we get as the second big match. We get this.

We recap HHH vs. The Undertaker.  HHH beats Austin twice in a row and says there’s no one left for him to beat. We hear a gong, and I lost it. This was amazing and I knew it would be a classic. Taker gets in HHH’s face and says that HHH has never beaten him, but if HHH tries, Taker will make him famous. Over the next 5 weeks, we got the great build up.

HHH destroyed one of Taker’s bikes, had Taker sent to jail, etc. Taker gets ahold of HHH one night, so Stephanie issues a restraining order on Taker. However, there isn’t one against Kane. Kane chases Stephanie, allowing Taker to beat up HHH. Kane holds her over his head and threatens to throw her down from a balcony, unless Regal makes the one on one match at Mania. Taker obviously gets his wish, and here we are.

Undertaker vs. HHH

Back then, HHH was a bigger star than he is now. He beat Austin, the king of the world, twice in one night the previous month. Taker was about 8 months into his biker gimmick and was a step behind what he used to be at though. However, this was his hometown and it’s Wrestlemania, although this is before the Streak became important.

Motorhead plays HHH to the ring and it is freaking awesome. They play the verse and chorus all the way through before we cut to a long shot of the arena and we see Triple H, Start Game flash on the screen, then a small object appears beneath it. Cut to a shot of HHH and then back to the arena. My goodness these stadiums are awesome. The live band is always cool as they play him through the long walk down the aisle.

HHH does a double water spit so you know this is an important show. The song ends and HHH paces back and forth. We hear gong strikes, and the lights go out. DEAD MAN WALKING. Instead of walking down the huge ramp, Taker drives his bike down instead in another famous shot. The cool thing here is it’s long enough that he can crank it up and gets the bike flying down the aisle. Taker jumps in the ring, rips the shirt off and we’re on.

Just as Taker is about to start the fight, JR mentions that he is 8-0, undefeated at Wrestlemania. Ladies and Gentlemen, the streak is born. That’s the first time that it’s mentioned on WWF television to my knowledge, but certainly the first time at Wrestlemania.  The fight starts on the floor with Taker hammering away.  Guess what Taker knocks HHH through. Go on, I want you to guess. It rhymes with French announce table. You guessed it. Twice in one night has to be a record.

They slug it out in the ring and the knee to the face gets HHH nowhere.  BIG back drop puts HHH down.  Powerslam gets two and a big clothesline takes down HHH.  Old School is countered. Not sure how HHH knew it was coming. Might be that Taker shouted out OLD SCHOOL right before he went for it. Just a hunch mind you. The Game hammers away on Taker including a trio of elbows.  That and a neckbreaker gets three straight two counts.

HHH goes after the ref and gets shoved back which gets a huge pop. My goodness this crowd is white hot. Six minutes in and HHH gets the sledgehammer. Referee takes it from him so HHH tries a Pedigree which is blocked into a catapult and the referee goes down. Chokeslam gets two because the referee was slow thanks to him getting bumped.

Taker, being the ticked off man that he is, beats the referee up because of this. The throw that Taker sends HHH to the floor with is either great selling or a real throw. We go into the crowd and actually wind up at the production tower which has been seen maybe twice in company history. This is what the cameras sit on in the arena and where the sound is adjusted etc. Quite simply if they screw up here, the PPV goes off the air.

HHH now has a problem. He’s trying to run from Taker, but the only way to run is to keep climbing the tower. HHH finds a chair up there though and lands about 10 sick chair shots to Taker. They’re in a tiny place so Taker is laid out and HHH just hits him wherever he can with the chair. Great visual on that. Taker gets up and catches HHH after the Game poses. The flashbulbs are going so crazy it’s hard to see them for a little bit.

He then chokeslams him off the tower. Now think about why this is cool. No one has ever seen them fight here before so it’s unknown. There’s no referee as Taker beat him up. Most importantly, we don’t see HHH land. What did he land on? That’s what makes this cool: the total mystery of it. Sadly, we see he landed on a big pad, but it still must have knocked him out a bit. If not, the elbow Taker drops on him does. What’s a good American to do now? He beats up the EMTs of course.

They fight back to the ring and the referee is still down. What the heck? He got kicked and elbowed, not shot in the forehead. Taker gets the hammer and a low blow to make him drop it a few seconds later. Heyman talking about how dangerous weapons are is either a rib by him or the best unintentional comedy I’ve heard in a long time. HHH gets a tombstone countered because he’s not the Undertaker, and Taker breaks out the Tombstone for maybe the first or second time in a year plus.

The crowd loves it, but still there’s no referee. In a sweet finish, Taker goes for the Last Ride but HHH picks up the hammer and nails him in the head with it. That somehow only gets two. Taker is bleeding and HHH sends him to the corner to rain down right hands. He pauses for a split second to yell at the crowd, and Taker reaches up and grabs him before stepping forward, lifting him into the air and drilling him with the Last Ride! He gets the pin as the crowd explodes.

Rating: A+. This is an outstanding match and would have main evented any other show of the year. The story was great, the fighting was off the charts, and you never knew who was going to win until the very end. Excellent job from both guys involved and probably the true forgotten classic in Wrestlemania history.

Rock has a song coming out called Pie.  The CD has Rock’s custom internet browser.

A kid that talks way too fast made some poster or visual thing and won a contest.  Ok then.
Good grief what in the world could follow that? Somehow, that’s nowhere near the main event, as no one came to see anything but the real main event: the two biggest stars on the freaking planet, one on one for the WWF World Heavyweight Championship.

I can’t say anything that’s going to build this match up better than the actual video, so here it is.

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If that doesn’t embed for you, go Youtube it.  It’s incredible.

I’m not a big fan of Limp Biskit, but that was awesome. By far the best recap video I’ve ever seen and one of the only times the theme song could not have been any better for an event. Great job.

WWF World Heavyweight Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock

This is made No DQ just before the match starts which is a surprise to everyone and it comes back to play a factor later. JR’s saying WHAT as soon as that’s announced made me laugh quite loudly. The glass shatters and the ovation is deafening. Austin is so over it’s amazing. He hits the first corner and the pop grows somehow. He turns around to cross the ring and it’s as if everything goes into slow motion. Austin climbs to the middle rope, throws two fingers into the air, and the flashbulbs go insane. It’s that moment that defines this whole show I think.

All of the other great matches all night long, from the wrestling classic to the ladders to the war we just saw, none of that means a thing anymore and every single eye in the building is on this man right here. It’s the peak of Steve Austin’s popularity and it’s amazing to say the very least. JR’s commentary is absolutely perfect here. It’s that perfect voice that we all know, but the words simply couldn’t be better. He builds this match up to be as epic as it should be. The music ends, and we hear the sound of his opponent.

Rock comes out to an INCREDIBLY mixed reaction. He’s either being cheered all the way to heaven or being booed out of the building. Not sure which. He hits the corner, throws the belt over his shoulder with his arm raised in the air, and we get the staredown from one side of the ring to the other. The feeling is all there too. You can tell what you’re watching is absolutely epic and it feel just right.

The fight starts almost immediately with Austin jumping Rock as he gets off the ropes.  Thesz Press takes down Rock seconds into it but Rock fights back with a swinging neckbreaker.  Rock Bottom and Stunner both don’t connect and we hit the floor.  Out into the crowd they go with neither guy keeping an advantage at all.  Back to the ring now with Austin having a brief advantage.

Superplex gets two and Austin takes the turnbuckle pad off.  Rock fights back to massive booing and a clothesline for two.  Back out to the floor again and Austin gets a shot with the bell to take Rock down.  Rock is sent onto the table which breaks on a delay so the camera misses it.  This is so epic.  These two are the biggest stars in the world and this is the biggest match of the year.  What more can you ask for?

Austin hits a neckbreaker for two.  Mudhole stomping commences but Rock comes flying out with a clothesline to huge boos.  More slugging it out with Rock in control now.  Rock grabs the bell and gets a shot to the head with it for two.  Austin is busted open and Rock hammers away.  Oh man he’s bleeding BAD.  Back to the floor again and they fight it out even more.

Another important thing to note is Ross.  Ross has been mostly reserved all night but now he’s pouring it on.  This makes this look FAR more interesting and intense while at the same time not diminishing the other stuff.  Austin gets a slingshot to send Rock into the post.  Monitor to the head and Rock is down on the floor.  THAT gets two.

Austin flips Rock off and gets caught in the Sharpshooter for his efforts.  Rock is busted now too.  Great throwback here to Mania 13 as Austin screams in the hold.  Rock pulls him back to the middle and Austin is in big trouble.  Finally there’s the rope.  Now Austin throws it on Rock and the people are loving it.  After it gets broken it goes on again and this time it’s a rope used to escape.  HUGE booing when he gets there too.

The Million Freaking Dollar Dream goes on and the bloody Rock is in trouble.  Rock pushes off the corner ala Bret vs. Austin at Survivor Series 96 but this time Austin kicks out.  Little things like those make matches AWESOME.  Rock gets a Stunner out of nowhere for two.

And now we set up the ending as Vince McMahon is here.  Both guys get spinebusters but Rock’s sets up the People’s Elbow.  Vince slides in and breaks that up though, shocking everyone.  Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for two.  Crowd is losing it on these kickouts.  Stunner is blocked and there goes the referee again.

A low blow puts Rock down and Austin asks Vince for a chair.  Vince cracks Rock with it as the crowd isn’t sure what to do.  Vince puts the referee back in but THAT gets two.  A Rock Bottom out of nowhere but Vince has the referee.  Rock pulls Vince in but walks into another Stunner for ANOTHER two.  Austin is all ticked off now and Vince hands him a chair, drilling Rock with it for two.  Austin absolutely explodes, drilling Rock with the chair an insane 19 times and getting the academic pin for the title.  Rock is DEAD.

Rating: A+. The repeated finishers and chair shots hurt this quite a bit, but the crowd, the commentary and the overall feeling push this to the sky easily. Epic feeling the whole match and the crowd was in the palm of their hands. Not great wrestling, but the crowd carries this to greatness.

Austin and Vince shake hands, ending the Attitude Era and also ending the superpower that WWE was and marking the beginning of the decline of the company.  They share a beer and another Stunner to Rock ends this very long but incredible show.
Overall Rating: A+. This is the greatest PPV of all time, bar none. The worst match is passable at worst. The crowd never once dies, even popping a bit in the European Title match. Looking back, you have the following matches that would either steal the show or main event any other show: Angle/Benoit, TLC 2, Street Fight, HHH/Taker.

Those are all top shelf matches anywhere you look at them, and then with the crowd as hot as they were for the main event and how it’s solid in its own right, this show is amazing all around. All night long the stuff was fast paced, everyone was having fun, and the matches are all intriguing. Can’t recommend this one enough.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 11, 1993
Location: Manhattan Center, Manhattan, New York
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Rob Bartlett, Randy Savage

Well since it’s the anniversary of this, why not do it? Raw more or less ended SNME which I’ll do that last original episode soon enough, as in about an hour from now. This is the show that completely revolutionized wrestling as it was the first show to be aired weekly on prime time cable. The production values were WAY up also as the lighting and the effects were stuff that was unheard of. We’re gearing up for the 93 Rumble which kind of sucked but whatever. Let’s get to it.

Sean Mooney who I didn’t think had a job at this point welcomes us to the show and keeps Heenan from coming in. This would become a running joke on the first few shows until Monsoon threw him out of the company. The arena looks small but cool. Rob Bartlett was a comedian from the Don Imus show and he is easily the worst announcer of all time but to be fair, I’ve read some comments from him since and he completely admits that he was awful, so at least he’s not delusional.

Koko B. Ware vs. Yokozuna

Koko comes out to what would become Owen’s music which makes sense as they were partners around this time. I wonder what’s going to happen here. They say their first swear word on the air which might be a first in company history. The tag line was uncooked, uncut and uncensored. I never got the uncooked part. How is that appealing? Bartlett just makes fat jokes about Yoko which makes sense. Vince is about as excited as humanly possible to be here. Bartlett makes jokes implying that Koko is Gary Coleman which is kind of funny but just out of place here. After Koko gets in no offense for about 4 minutes, the Banzai Drop ends this.

Rating: N/A. It was a glorified squash which is fine. I’m not sure how good this was for the first match in history but that’s fine I guess. This was just to push Yoko so that certainly accomplished its job. A lot of the earlier shows were almost all squashes so get used to it.

Ad for the Rumble.

We get a prerecorded interview from Heenan who talks about Perfect being scared of Narcissus, who was more commonly known as Luger. Heenan is WAY too excited about Luger.

Steiner Brothers vs. Executioners

The Executioners are masked jobbers as if it matters. That goofy clown as Vince calls him is at ringside and gets too much attention. Apparently his name is Doink. As for the match, are you really expecting anything other than total destruction? Apparently Mitch Ferhat, a former Buffalo Bill, is coming to the WWF. He never got there. The Steiner Bulldog ends it.

Rating: N/A. It was more or less the same thing as we got a match earlier, but with two guys instead of one. This is fine as it establishes two dominant forces for new fans which is a good idea.

A woman says that she’s Bartlett’s aunt. Naturally it’s Heenan in drag. This simply does not get old.

Razor Ramon comes out for a “special” interview. He’s fighting Bret for the title at the Rumble in case you didn’t know. It’s exactly what you would expect it to be as it’s just Ramon talking about Bret and how he’ll win the title and we see a clip of him beating up Owen on Superstars, which is why Owen isn’t here tonight.

Ad for Headlock on Hunger, which was a charity thing they were doing at the time to feed hungry people in Somalia.

Tatanka likes the Headlock on Hunger.

Intercontinental Title: Max Moon vs. Shawn Michaels

Max Moon may or may not have been Konnan. Shawn is just getting used to being a midcard deal so don’t expect much here. I don’t think it’s him here as it might be Paul Diamond, who was one of the Orient Express. We get more and more New York jokes from Bartlett that only a handful of people would get. He was great on a morning talk show but WAY off on a wrestling show.

They get the three un line here twice in one match as they try so hard to get that over as a tagline before they realized it sucked. Bartlett, in something that blows my mind, does an impression of Mike Tyson calling into the show from prison. This goes on over two minutes. Make that three. THEY’RE STILL DOING IT.

Seriously they did this for half of the match. Is this supposed to be funny or something? Am I supposed to be amused? After what felt like forever, Shawn hits the kick and that stupid suplex that he was using as his finisher at the time for the pin.

Rating: C+. It was an average match, but it had the DUMBEST commentary in recorded history. The match gets bonus points for being ok with those voices going though so there we are.

Ad for WWF Mania, a Saturday morning show.

Gene does the control center for the Rumble, which more or less is him talking about the major matches and we get promos from some of the guys in said matches, in this case Shawn and Marty. This is short but it was very effective at summarizing the entire show into a 3 minute video. Well done. We run down some people in the Rumble and get comments from Perfect. Ok now this needs to end as it’s about five minutes now. This was the first winner gets a title shot and it’s at 4pm. That’s just odd.

We have an Amish man trying to get inside. Guess who it is. He asks if anyone knows how to get onto the roof. I feel like I’m watching a Trix Cereal commercial. Also, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE COSTUMES???

Kamala exists and that’s about it.

Damien Demento vs. Undertaker

Who else would you get to main event the first show? Bartlett makes fun of Taker and I’m already tired of him. Demento is the guy that freaked out on youtube recently and freaked out about modern wrestling. He’s annoying as all goodness and this is his career highlight. We go over the matches for next week and that’s about all that happens in this match. The Tombstone ends this quickly.

Rating: N/A. It’s like 3 minutes long and it’s more or less a squash. That’s not that interesting.

Doink sprays Crush with water to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. This started off ok but it felt like there was no flow to it at all. It just wasn’t that good of a show as far as establishing people like it was supposed to do. This show definitely assumed that most people were long time fans of the show and that’s not a good idea to do on a brand new main show.

Still though, this is one of those shows everyone should see at least once as it truly did completely revolutionize wrestling. Definitely take a look at it if you never have before or just to compare it to modern wrestling and see how much things have changed.

Wrestlemania 2000
Date: April 2, 2000
Location: Arrowhead Pond, Anaheim, California
Attendance: 19,776
Star Spangled Banner: Lillian Garcia
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

This whole show is an interesting one, and this is primarily for two reasons. Number one: there is not a standard one on one match on the whole card. That’s just odd for any show. The other thing: Steve Austin and Undertaker were out with injuries here. This show is also important though because it’s the first show where all your big names are just that: big names.

HHH is the reigning WWF Champion, Rock is the #1 face in the company, Big Show is there for some reason, and Foley is “retired”, but getting one more shot as he finally gets to main event a Wrestlemania, which is a nice thing to let him do, despite the fact that he really had no business there at all. He was added less than two weeks before the show after the original main event, a three way match with HHH, Rock and Big Show happened on Raw for no apparent reasons at the time.

Also at this show, we have the WM debuts of Benoit, Angle, the Hardyz and the Dudleyz, as well as Edge and Christian being actual wrestlers here for the first time. This is the first show with the new generation being around, and it showed really well. It’s also the first show where the company more or less knew that WCW and any real threat to WWF’s survival was dead, so they didn’t have to nail it to ensure where their next paycheck was coming from. However, the important question is obvious: is the show with all these new stars better than last year’s? Let’s get to it.

Sweet goodness Lillian looks different here.  She aged very well and actually looks better older than she does here.  She can still sing though.
After a video highlighting the previous Manias either narrated by James Earl Jones (Darth Vader in an explanation I can’t believe I had to make) or the greatest imitation of his voice ever recorded, for the first time in Mania history, we get the MASSIVE pyro display that has become a standard in WWF. So with all this new talent, what’s our first great match?

Godfather/D’Lo Brown vs. Big Bossman/Bull Buchanan

Eh? We’re opening the show that’s supposed to lead the WWF and therefore the wrestling business into the new millennium and this is what you give us? And people wonder why wrestling went downhill in a hurry once WCW died. Godfather and Brown are rapped to the ring by Ice T, who I try to block out as most of the time these live intros are awful. Brown is a co-pimp here.

Remember the catchy Godfather entrance? This isn’t close to it. Ice T does some song that includes the lyric Pimp Or Die. Something sound bad about that? This intro goes on WAY too long and sums up what I hate about rap: this whole thing is just loud and stupid sounding. It was built to market a CD called Aggression which was a rap album of WWF entrance themes. In case you can’t guess, it bombed.

After that completely pointless intro, Godfather decides he has to do his awful intro, saying for everyone to smoke a blunt and say it ain’t easy. FINALLY Bossman’s terribly bland theme music plays and the pain in my head goes away a little bit. Godfather has really stupid looking dreadlocks here and is somehow dumber looking than usual.

There’s really no reason as to why these two are feuding in case you thought there was. Is it possible that D’Lo Brown is the most successful of these four men? I do believe he is and that’s a scary thought. Anyway let’s get to this.  Brown vs. Buchanan to start us off with Brown controlling so far.  Godfather takes Boss Man’s interfering head off while Brown is on offense.

Off to the pimp now as the fans want puppies.  Big elbow misses as we talk about JR wearing some of Godfather’s clothes for some reason.  Basically Boss Man dominates when he’s in and Buchanan can do one move, that running up the corner into a spinning clothesline.  Blind tag brings in the Boss Man who gets two on Brown as Godfather saves.

Axe kick by Buchanan gets two.  Brown and Boss Man on the floor now and Godfather accidentally clotheslines the referee.  I say accidentally as the referee doesn’t even go down so it wasn’t the point obviously.  Boss Man gets two on Brown who is the face in peril here.  Buchanan with a bearhug now as the fans chant for D’lo.

Naturally that doesn’t do it but an elbow takes down Brown.  Double teaming by the guys in black as Godfather just looks stupid.  Boss Man sucks chant starts up.  The beating goes on for awhile with Buchanan hitting a double axe off the top.  We talk about Pete Rose for a bit and apparently he’s got a ball bat with him just in case.

Godfather shakes the ropes to crotch Godfather and Brown busts out a rana to break the momentum.  Here’s Godfather who cleans some house.  Ho Train hits Boss Man in the corner sets up the Lo Down from Brown.  Bull pushes him off the top though but Brown lands on his feet.  Boss Man Slam kills D’lo though and a guillotine leg drop from Buchanan ends this.
Rating: D+. This wasn’t terrible but at the same time it’s Godfather/Brown vs. Boss Man/Buchanan.  It’s not a terrible match but is this really what you want to open Mania?  Also, a heel team winning the opener?  Just not a great idea especially after the crowd got fired up for the rapping.  Not bad but just odd.

Steph and HHH are in their office talking about how great their lives are.

The referees explain the rules of the Hardcore Battle Royal tonight.  It’s a 15 minute time limit.  There’s no limit to the amount of title changes in that period.  Apparently the 24/7 rule is waved after tonight.  I think Crash has to be pinned to get the title off of him.
Hardcore Title: Battle Royal

Hardcore Holly, Crash Holly, Tazz, Viscera, Joey Abs, Rodney, Pete Gas, Taka Michinoku, Funaki, Thrasher, Mosh, Farrooq, Bradshaw
The idea here was that the Hardcore Title was defended 24/7, as long as the challenger had a referee with him. This led to some interesting situations such as pin falls as amusement parks, hotels, etc. You have 13 guys here and whoever gets the last pinfall leaves with the belt, which would be kind of pointless as the 24/7 rule would be in effect so he could get attacked seconds after it ended right?  It’s not really a battle royal but rather a 13 man match.

There are weapons at ringside and thankfully a lot of the guys come out in groups or teams to save some time.  The Posse gets a small pop.  The APA gets the biggest pop by far.  Here we go.  Remember there are 15 minutes to this period.  Everyone but Crash and Taz go to the floor almost immediately and Tazz gets a suplex on Crash to win the title in maybe a minute.  Now they have to pin him to get the title, which Viscera does with a splash.  We’re not even at 13 minutes left yet.

Everyone is on the floor now and someone has a box fan.  There’s a flag in there.  The Posse of all people jump Viscera and they actually work for a bit.  Lots of weapon shots to Viscera, mainly from the APA.  Crash is busted open.  They’ve taken the clock off the screen now because they want us to have to think I guess.  Crash, ever the lunkhead, tries to jump the future Big Daddy V.

The crowd is kind of dead as they’re just hitting each other with weapons here.  Bradshaw is like screw it and starts beating the tar out of people.  Hardcore gets two on Viscera after a shot with a trashcan lid.  Ten minutes left as JR says these guys won’t forget their first Wrestlemania.  I’m not sure how many this is their first for.  Taz is I think and that might be it.  Funaki maybe?

We haven’t had a fall in like four minutes.  2/3 of the Posse and Viscera are in the ring now with Thrasher.  Viscera beats everyone up with a cookie sheet.  Farrooq comes in as Viscera climbs the ropes for no apparent reason.  The APA get a double slam which doesn’t really keep him down.  They throw Kai En Tai on top of Viscera and Funaki is called the new champion.

Taka immediately smacks him upside his head and the chase is on!  Funaki proves to be the most intelligent guy here as he’s trying to run.  With a little under seven minutes left some of the Posse catches him in the back and Rodney steals the title.  Abs gets a  suplex and gets the title.  That was a 24 second title reign for those keeping count.  Thrasher rams Joey into a wall and gets the title.

Thrasher then runs through a line of people who all hit him with weapons and we’re back in the arena now.  Pete Gas finds a fire extinguisher and the third member of the Posse has the title now.  Then Tazz grabs him and I think Pete is busted.  Oh yeah he’s busted good.  A T-Bone Suplex gives Taz his second reign of the night with a little over 4 minutes left.

Hardcore gets two after ramming him into the steps.  Crash is busted BAD.  Taz tries to pin Mosh as I guess instincts took over or something.  Taz keeps kicking out.  Both Hollies fight Taz in the ring with Crash not being able to do much at all.  ECW chant starts up and we’re under three minutes.  Taz stands alone and covers Crash with two and a half minutes to go.  Eh it’s not a big deal.  As a wrestler I guess you’re trained to go for covers.

The Hollies beat Crash down and both guys try for the pin.  Naturally they end up fighting which is what they do in that family I guess.  With two minutes left Taz suplexes Crash and Hardcore gets a powerslam on Taz for two.  I love how no one else has seemed to care about trying to win the title and is just fighting.  Taz suplexes Hardcore and he hits the floor, stealing JR’s candy jar.

Now we get to the weird part of this.  Crash gets a weapon shot in on Taz and wins the title with about 20 seconds to go.  Taz grabs the Tazmission but Hardcore comes in with the candy jar and busts it over Taz’s head (legitimately injuring Taz’s eye and costing him the push that would ultimately go to Chris Benoit).  He covers Crash and the referee just doesn’t slap the mat for three.

What was supposed to happen was the clock was supposed to go out with Hardcore having a 2.99999 count.  They messed up the timing though and the referee had to stop.  They further messed things up by having Fink say Hardcore won the title while JR screams that there was a shoulder up.  Totally not the planned ending but you have to do what you have to do.

Rating: C+. What were you expecting here? The idea makes sense and given what’s going on, the mistake at the end is very excusable in my mind, and since this is my review of the show, it’s excusable. It was wild and stupid, and that’s just fine.  The match was fun and that’s all that really matters.

Video on Axxess.  That still looks awesome.  They have a small arena with matches going on, a commentary booth where you can sit down with Michael Cole and call a match, race cars, autograph booths, a Hall of Fame exhibit.  Austin and HBK, two guys that weren’t active at this time, are there too.  I’d love to go to something like that.
Al Snow is in the bathroom talking to someone in a stall but Steve Blackman is worried about what he’s planning.

We go from that to an extreme closeup of Trish’s ample chest as she says WM is going to see some T & A.

Test/Albert vs. Al Snow/Steve Blackman

This was a really weird angle in the tag division as Snow and Blackman were doing the odd pairing that won almost every match they had, but Snow insisted that they needed a name which didn’t go that well. Test and Albert were guys that Trish had handpicked to be her team. What you have to remember here about Trish is at the time, she wasn’t a wrestler and was nothing more than the hot manager. It wasn’t for about two more years before she and Lita took the division to new heights.

As for the match, before it we get Al Snow talking. One of the names he was pitching was Head Cheese, going along with his Head gimmick. Out comes Chester McCheesyton, a walking piece of cheese. Sadly enough, I’m not making that up. Trish leads their opponents down, but is WAY more muscular than when she started wrestling. If this is believable, she let herself go physically before she started wrestling.

Lawler messes up the headsets and JR is gone for a bit.  Blackman and Test start but it’s off to Snow soon thereafter.  Blackman tries to keep the Head Cheese chants down as this filler match goes on.  This is a good show later on but these opening matches are pretty freaking bad all things considered.  I’m watching Al Snow and Steve Blackman at Wrestlemania.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Oh and JR is back now.  It breaks down quickly as you can tell JR has nothing to work with here at all.  There’s no point in talking about the match as it’s just about getting us to the end and that’s all there is to it.  The cheese hits on Trish and is named Chester the Molester.  Albert gets beaten down for awhile as this is one of the least interesting matches I’ve ever seen.  This is what Raw and Smackdown are for.

Did I mention that this match is terribly boring?  It’s one of those matches where stuff is happening in the ring but nothing matters at all.  Crowd is DEAD here.  It doesn’t help that the wrestling is boring.  Double powerbomb to Snow gets two.  There’s the boring chant.  Bowling shoe tendency line by Ross.  Head Cheese’s finishing move, the move that the Smoking Guns called the Sidewinder, gets two.  FINALLY Albert gets a press slam on Blackman and the elbow from Test ends it.

Rating: F. Thank goodness it’s over.  This was one of the least interesting matches I’ve ever seen and somehow it’s nearly an hour into the show.  Just a terrible match all around and everyone knew it.  Get on to whatever is next please.

The “good guys” beat up the cheese dude post match.

We get a horrible segment of Kat and Mae Young where Kat is sitting in a chair with nothing on and Mae keeps handing her things that cover up certain parts.  Austin Powers was very big at this time and it’s supposed to be like that I think.

The Dudleys, still in their original AWESOME mode, say they’ll win and even though the odds are against them they’ll take things to a new level.  These two more or less saved the division.
Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardy Boys vs. Dudley Boys

This was before the name TLC was coined, but it’s the same thing with a bigger emphasis on the ladders. Edge and Christian were still chasing the belts at this point and the Dudleyz are the defending champions. At this time, the Dudleyz were so over it’s mind blowing and they were easily the biggest tag team in the world. There’s no backstory here other than they’ve been feuding over the belts and E/C and the Hardys have had ladder matches before. These matches never have much backstory but they don’t need to.

The Dudleys climb a ladder and pose during their entrance so the other two teams start fighting without them.  All six guys brawl in the aisle until Matt and Christian hit the ring.  Matt and Jeff look A LOT alike here so I’ll likely get them mixed up at least once or twice.  These matches are very hard to call so it’s likely that I’ll miss something.

Bubba beats on Jeff in the ring until Jeff gets what would become known as Whisper in the Wind to reverse.  Bubba Bomb and Bubba rules the ring.  That may never be said again forever.  The fans want tables as Christian goes up the ladder early.  Matt saves as the ladders are brought in quickly.  Crowd is surprisingly quiet here but after the first three matches they had to sit through I can understand that.

We start the violence though and the fans wake up a good bit.  Ladders are rammed into people and pain is caused.  Matt gets the screaming…elbow onto D-Von onto the ladder.  Jeff tries a 450 onto Bubba onto the ladder but the fat country boy moves and Jeff nearly kills himself again.  In other news, the sun came up today.  Bubba actually hits the backsplash off the middle rope but hits his head on the ladder.  FREAKING OW MAN!

Matt’s entire body is crushed by a ladder and then the same thing happens to Edge.  They’re doing a lot more with the ladders here.  Bubba does the Terry Funk spot as he spins around with the ladder around his neck.  Edge/Christian beat on D-Von for awhile and then sit up a ladder in front of the ropes.  Christian dives off and takes out Matt and Bubba.  Nice dive indeed.

Jeff goes up but Edge dives off the top rope to spear him down.  Oh man would that be topped by about a thousand next year.  Edge takes a Crucifix Bomb from Matt off the ladder.  Christian throws a ladder at D-Von.  Why do stuff that is too complicated I guess?  Three ladders set up now but Bubba takes Christian down with the Cutter off the ladder.  SWEET spot.

The Hardys kill Bubba with the legdrop/splash combo off ladders.  D-Von and Christian in the ring now but here’s Edge.  The Canadians get a double suplex off the ladder in a great spot.  Everyone but the Dudleys go up and everyone but the Dudleys crash down.  And here comes Bubba!  Here they go again, this time with all six of them.

Christian and Jeff go flying over the top rope to the floor as do Matt and Edge.  The Dudleys wind up in the ring somehow but they’re a bit dead at the moment.  Christian staggers to his feet and is sandwiched between two ladders.  The look on his face in short says “That hurt a LOT!”  Old school 3D to Edge, which is where Bubba runs parallel to him and then crosses over to catch Edge in the cutter in stride.  It’s an awesome move when done right.

The Dudleys don’t have their catchphrase yet so they just get the tables.  With two ladders already in the ring the ring, the Dudleys set up a table on top of them like a bridge/platform between them.  The Hardys are back now to surprising booing.  To the floor we go and Matt is slammed into the steps and HARD.  This has been an incredibly physical match to say the least.

There’s a table in the ring in front of a ladder with D-Von on said ladder and a table in front of the announce table.  Matt goes on the one in the ring and Jeff is in a powerbomb position in Bubba’s hands on the announce table.  In stereo, D-Von dives onto Matt and Bubba powerbombs Jeff in a cool sequence.  Jeff somehow gets up soon thereafter and tries his barrier run but Bubba PELTS the ladder at him to stop Jeff in midair which looked sweet again.  Jeff has taken a man’s beating in this.

And now it’s time to set up the big spot in this match as Bubba debuts the super ladder in the aisle.  There’s a table set up in front of it and Jeff gets laid out on it.  Christian comes up with the bell to clock Bubba.  Jeff gets off the table as Bubba is laid on it.  And he begins to climb.  In the HOLY CRAP spot of the match, Jeff jumps off the ladder and half kills himself with a Swanton Bomb through Bubba through the table.  That was the top of Jeff’s highlight reel for a long time.

Back in the ring with D-Von kind of alive.  Matt and Christian are in there too and are trying to stand.  Twist of Fate takes D-Von down and Matt and Christian both start climbing.  They get up on the platform but Edge is climbing up behind Matt.  Edge throws him off and through a table which explodes on impact.  The Canadians grab the belts and win their first tag titles to finally end this.

Rating: B+. This was a great match but there are a lot of dead spots in there.  Jeff is easily the star of this match as he took one of the best beatings you’ll ever see with huge bump after huge bump.  Somehow this would be topped the next year and this match would be blown out of the water.  Great match and definitely picked up a bad show so far.  I liked it quite a bit but somehow next year’s was that much better.

In the back we have Linda McMahon with Mick Foley. I forgot to mention, the idea behind the main event is that there’s a McMahon in every corner. Stephanie and HHH, Vince is backing Rock, Linda brought Mick back in, and Shane was Big Show’s manager for lack of a better term. Foley, with washed hair, says his fairy tale will come true, not his opponents.

JR and King talk about how great the ladder match was and they’re right. Considering that almost nothing like this had ever been done with so many people, this was beyond great.

Terri vs. The Kat

Val Venis is the guest referee here. To cover up the fact that neither can wrestle, the only thing you have to do here is throw the other girl out of the ring. Val’s pre match promos are always great. Apparently he and WM have things in common: they’re large extravaganzas, they get blood pumping, but unlike Val, Mania only comes once a year. And people have the nerve to wonder why the Attitude Era scared away parents.

Terri has Moolah with her and Kat has Mae Young.  This is one of the major problems with great matches: after them, you get stuff like this.  Terri truly was ugly to me. Val makes out with both in the middle of the match as this continues to cry out for someone to save the division. Terri gets thrown out but Mae is kissing Val. She comes back in and Terri wins. Afterwards, Kat strips Terri of her pants.

Rating: F. Didn’t care at all and it was terrible. A complete waste of time and an insult to my intelligence.  It was like two minutes long and awful to say the least.

In the back we see Eddie, Saturn and Malenko getting ready to face Too Cool and Chyna. Eddie has a crush on Chyna but can’t get her attention.

Chyna/Too Cool vs. The Radicalz

This feud went on forever and no one cared.  Let’s get this over with.  All I have to remember is that the triple threat is next.  That should get me through this.  Oh well at least Chyna looks pretty good here.  I’ll give Too Cool this: their music is downright catchy.  Scotty vs. Eddie starts us off here.  Eddie gets beaten down a bit and we get some dancing.

Chyna is tagged in and Eddie literally runs away on his knees.  Dean, the Light Heavyweight Champion is here now.  JR thinks Chyna looks hot.  That’s just wrong on so many levels.  Grandmaster and Chyna hit a double suplex on Malenko.  Hey look: more dancing.  Is that all Too Cool could do?  Back to Eddie who avoids the top rope legdrop.  Ok so it was more like Saturn shoved Grandmaster off but work for me here.

Grandmaster vs. Saturn at the moment.  Saturn steals Grandmaster’s head gear complete with dreadlocks or whatever that is.  Back to Eddie who takes over for a bit and it’s cold tag to Scotty.  Eddie keeps trying to get Chyna’s attention which fails completely.  Since she isn’t paying enough attention she gets her head rammed into the post.  Good.  Witch deserved it.

Saturn and Malenko get beaten up by Scotty and it’s time for the Worm.  Oh but since it’s Mania it’s a double Worm to both Radicalz not named Eddie.  Everything breaks down a bit as we’re still waiting on Eddie vs. Chyna.  Nice superkick by Saturn to Scotty as we’re in a bit more of a standard match now.  Elbow hits Scotty from the top for no cover.

Off to Eddie but he can’t get the Frog Splash off.  Scotty drills him and it’s a superplex to put both guys down.  There’s the hot tag to Chyna and Eddie can’t run away fast enough.  Handspring elbow to Saturn as Chyna is cleaning house.  Double low blow and Eddie drills Chyna.  Chyna counters a powerbomb and gets a bad one of her own.  She grabs Eddie’s balls and then gets a sleeper drop for the pin.  They would be together the following night.

Rating: D. Well Chyna looked good and she got to beat on Eddie.  That’s the extent of the good stuff about this match.  It’s nothing special to say the slightest and is yet again another pointless match on this show in a long streak of them.  Again though, the triple threat is next.  Keep repeating that.
That day there was a thing called All Day Long which was an 8 hour countdown of WM history that cost an extra 50 dollars. Our cable company screwed up and we got It for free. Anyway the point of this is there was a contest with the winner getting front row seats and the winner is shown.  She and her husband are the definition of white trash but it’s kind of a cool idea. They’re from Allentown, Pennsylvania, hometoiwn of the Nasty Boys as I show my nerdiness.

Shane tells us how awesome Big Show is.  Show says he’s awesome and will take apart the other three.

Bob Backlund who is kind of Angle’s mentor made the match with both titles being defended in the same match/back to back.  Kurt kind of goes insane and puts Backlund in the crossface chickenwing even though you can tell there’s no pressure on the arm.  One of the medals breaks during this scuffle.

Angle talks to a security guard to try to get some extra security, offering autographs as payment.  Much funnier than it sounds.

Intercontinental Title/European Title: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

This is the match that everyone remembers from this show as well as being a very cool concept. Angle has both the European and Intercontinental titles and is defending both in back to back triple threat matches. The first fall is for the IC title and immediately thereafter the European Title match starts. With these three, are you expecting less than greatness?

The brilliance behind this is that even if one has a bad night, the other two are there to cover for them.  Jericho is clearly having a blast on the mic here and says he’ll win something and be the Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah no matter what.  Angle is still the goofball heel which is some of the best stuff I can ever remember.  Him being less than a year into his pro career is insane.

Speaking of insane, Benoit jumps him on the floor and the fight is on.  They seem to be attacking Angle together for the most part but he fights them off somewhat.  Benoit vs. Jericho now as this is rather fast paced.  With Benoit and Angle on the apron, Jericho hits his springboard dropkick to take them both out to the floor.  There’s a really annoying kid in the audience that is shouting about everything that’s said.  Granted that’s not a terrible thing as that’s what fans are supposed to do.

Ross says Angle is great but talks about himself too much.  Lawler: “So does Jericho.”  Ross: “That’s a good point King.  Maybe later you’ll make another.”  No one ever accused JR of being the nicest guy in the world.  Jericho is knocked off the top out to the floor where he slams into the table in a painful looking bump.  Angle gets a snap suplex on Benoit for two.

Jericho knocks Angle to the floor and locks in a camel clutch to Benoit.  This is too fast paced to call everything and they keep going back and forth.  Jericho suplexes Angle and Benoit almost steals a pin.  Then he does something stupid and tries to suplex Kurt.  I think you get what winds up happening to Jericho.  Benoit is sent to the floor and in some slick counters Angle gets a crossface chicken wing on Jericho.

Benoit manages to get a dropkick to Angle to break it up at the last second.  He throws Angle into the crowd and hits the swan dive to Jericho for the pin and the Intercontinental Title.  In a smart move Benoit tries to immediately cover Jericho but Angle breaks it up.  All three are back in there now and Angle’s moonsault is crotched.

Angle is up top and Jericho tries a belly to back suplex.  Benoit drills Jericho and suplexes him instead.  Angle tries the moonsault to Benoit but crashes and everyone is down for a count.  After some covers Jericho grabs the Walls on Angle but Benoit breaks it up.  Angle wakes up and hammers away but Jericho takes him and Benoit down with relative ease.  Double powerbomb to Angle but Benoit saves again.  Rolling Germans by Benoit to Jericho get two as well.

Benoit goes old school with a Dragon Suplex to Kurt.  Angle’s shoulder might have been up on the bridge so Jerry screams conspiracy.  Jericho misses the forearm and drills the referee with it.  Crossface goes on and Jericho taps but there’s no referee.  Walls of Jericho to Benoit but still no ref.  Angle drills Jericho with a belt to break it up which only gets two.  Benoit misses the Swan Dive to Angle so Jericho hits his fellow Canadian with the Lionsalt for the European Title to end this.

Rating: A. This was great stuff indeed with all three guys working incredibly hard the entire time.  It’s also a good way to get the titles off of Kurt without hurting his reputation.  He would be world champion in the fall so he doesn’t have much to complain about.  Excellent match and probably their best matches up to this point.

Vince is in the back with Cole as apparently the four way can only have eliminations via pinfall and it’s No DQ. For a multi-man match, that’s the best way to go.  Vince says the McMahons won’t be a factor.  That’s why they were the focal point of the match right?  Vince says he’ll “make it right.”

HHH says he will not lose.

Kane/Rikishi vs. X-Pac/Road Dogg

This is pure filler before the title match, but there’s a story to it at least. DX is accompanied by Tori who is Kane’s ex. She was his first relationship and left X-Pac, allegedly because Kane wasn’t big enough for her. She’s pure sexuality and while she’s not the most famous or attractive diva, she’s one of the sexiest. The name Pete Rose is thrown around here as he might want a piece of Kane after two years of getting beaten up. Kane has been chasing X-Pac for months and this is about the best shot he ever got at him.

Well if nothing else we get the awesome Kings of Rock theme for DX.  The more I see of Jesse James, the more I’m impressed.  We now get Rikishi. Oh yay, it’s Rikishi. GOOD GRIEF I HATED THIS GUY. People, you want to complain about JBL being useless? This is the epitome of useless. If you remember earlier on I said there was no Austin. He was out getting neck surgery so the reason given was that he was run over by a car at the Survivor Series. No one knew who was driving it or who was behind it.

Austin comes back in the fall from being out nearly a year and the man hunt begins. Who was it? HHH, Rock, Vince, maybe even one of the new guys like Jericho or Benoit, looking to make a name for themselves? Nope. It’s Rikishi, the 400lb, thong wearing, dancing sumo wrestler. He debuted about a week after Austin was run over and while Austin was out, Rikishi rose to the IC title in a decent run and hit amazing popularity.

Then in the worst move I can ever remember, he’s revealed as the mastermind of the plot to attack Austin. They have a match and finally everyone realizes the massive problem: Austin can’t beat Rikishi up the way he usually does others because he’s too fat.

No one buys into Rikishi as the big bad he was supposed to be, so WWF pulled the blug at the last minute and said Rikishi was working for HHH, making him the true evil one. Rikishi was gone soon thereafter, thank goodness. Anyway, Kane comes out to end my hate filled rant. Paul Bearer in the red suit is just sweet looking for some reason.

Bearer and Tori get into an argument so DX double teams Rikishi.  Kane has the inverted colors tonight which is awesome.  Stinkface to Road Dogg as I think we have a comedy match on our hands.  Stinkface to Tori is avoided to big booing.  DX tries to run which doesn’t work at all.  Kane finally gets his hands on X-Pac.

We finally get back in the ring and Pac kicks Rikishi’s head off.  Pac vs. Rikishi is how we finally start it up.  Bronco Buster by Pac and it’s off to Roadie.  Pac in again and he can’t do a thing.  Rikishi hits a one man 3D and it’s off to Kane.  Road Dogg gets his head kicked off and Tori is thrown in.  Stinkface for her and a Tombstone for X-Pac ends it quickly.

Rating: D+. Well for what it was supposed to be this was fine.  Keeping it short was a great thing as this barely broke four minutes.  Kane gets his revenge, we get the comedy stuff, Tori looked good, and then we get what the whole point of this is about: the post match stuff.

Too Cool comes out to dance but the San Diego Chicken comes out like last year.  Rikishi comes in to kill the chicken but is intercepted by some yellow sunglasses.  Somehow the dancing gets the best pop of the night.  The chicken can move and it’s pretty clear that’s not Rose.  Kane goes after the chicken but Pete Rose comes in.

Chokeslam to Rose and Paul Bearer does the crotch chop to him.  Rose gets a Stinkface to FINALLY end this.  I know it’s stupid, I know it’s childish, I know it’s idiotic, but I absolutely love these Pete Rose segments.  The guy is having fun and gets beaten up three straight years and it’s still awesome.  I loved these things and they still make me smile.  Kane’s pyro is louder than usual and it made me jump a bit.

Rock says his time is now and he’s taking the title back.  This is serious Rock and it works very well.

Some celebrities are here.

Quick recap of the title match.  HHH was WWF Champion so he’s explained. He was feuding with Cactus Jake and retired him at No Way Out. As a favor to him in real life, WWF brought him back in for one final match so he could live out his dream of main eventing a Wrestlemania. Since he was officially retired, if he wins here he vacates the title and a tournament starts that ends at next month’s Backlash.

Rock was the last man out of the Rumble, eliminating Big Show. However, Big Show produces a video showing that Rock’s feet hit the ground before Show’s, so Show officially won. Rock had signed the contracts though, so he couldn’t be taken out but Show could be added, leading to all four being in here. Also remember the McMahon in every corner aspect (Linda – Mick, Stephanie – HHH, Vince – Rock, Shane – Big Show).

WWF World Title: Rock vs. HHH vs. Mick Foley vs. Big Show

Foley comes out first and you can tell he’s choked up.  This was classy of WWF to let him have one last time and to let him accomplish his dream like this.  It’s clear that the McMahons are the focal point here and is anyone really surprised by that?  Big ovation for Rock here as this totally should have been Rock vs. HHH.  I get the Foley addition, but did anyone want to see Big Show in there?  I miss HHH’s My Time music.  That was awesome.

HHH was at the absolute peak of evil here and he looks like awesome.  If Stephanie’s hair didn’t look absurd, that bareback pink top and leather pants would work a lot better.  HHH doesn’t quite have the water spit down yet.  Here we go.  Foley vs. HHH and Rock vs. Big Show to start.  No tagging here of course.  They say fatal fourway but it’s elimination.  Foley is out of shape here as he more or less stopped training after No Way Out but to be fair he thought he was done.

Show beats down Rock and takes down the other guys with a double clothesline.  Press slam to Rock which is incredibly impressive.  Same to HHH.  Foley jumps on his back so Show just drops backwards with him.  Well why do something other than what works?  Rock gets up and hammers away but a side slam takes care of that.

Show tries a chokeslam on HHH but Foley kicks him low.  Foley and HHH hammer away on the Giant as does Rock.  A trio of clotheslines put him down and they do a Horsemen stomp.  Foley drills HHH out of instinct and they hit the floor via a Cactus Clothesline.  Chair to the ribs of HHH as Shane trips Rock.  Foley blasts Show in the back with a chair and a Rock Bottom puts Show out less than five minutes in.  Was there ANY point to him being there?  He would be a face in like a week which was good for him and us as we got THE SHOWSTER.

HHH tries to ally himself with Foley to get rid of Rock.  That fails so HHH tries to ally himself with Rock to get rid of Foley.  Take a guess as to what happens next.  The double teaming of HHH goes on for awhile and we go out to the floor.  Foley hands Rock the bell but HHH ducks and the bell hits Foley in the head instead.  Out of nowhere Mick finds the 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire, drawing a big pop from the crowd.

HHH gets a low blow to save himself and gets the 2×4 for a shot to Foley’s ribs.  Rock back in now and the 2×4 is dropped to the floor.  Rock is sent to the floor and Foley gets a double arm DDT on HHH.  It’s Mr. Socko time and the Claw goes on.  Rock grabs the belt and blasts HHH so he can set for the People’s Elbow.  Surprisingly though Foley grabs the Claw on Rock, only for the Rock N Sock Connection to take a double low blow to put all three down.

Rock vs. Foley for a bit now as Foley gets some near falls with the double arm DDT getting the closest one.  Vince slid a chair in earlier but Foley gets it.  Rock kicks it into his face though and then hammers away.  He gets a DDT on Foley but HHH breaks it up, causing confusion from the announcers.  Foley makes a deal with HHH to get rid of the Rock and the double team is on to huge booing.

Out to the floor where the double teaming continues.  Mick gets reversed and his knees crash into the stairs.  Those same stairs are rammed into the head of the Rock by Foley to keep Rock down.  Rock is put on the Spanish Announce Table so Foley can go to the middle rope for the elbow.  The problem is that he couldn’t jump that well and slams chest first into the side of the table, legitimately injuring his sternum.

HHH gets all mad and drops two jumping elbows onto Rock to break him through the table.  Back in the ring Foley takes the Pedigree for a long two and a big pop.  HHH shoves the referee down and then kills Foley with a chair to the head.  Pedigree on the chair and Foley didn’t wrestle again for four years.  Rock vs. HHH now for the title, but do you really think Foley is leaving that easily?  He comes back and blasts HHH in the head with the barbed wire so that Rock can get two.

Rock clotheslines HHH to the floor and remember it has to end by pinfall.  Out to the floor now and we go up the aisle.  Rock gets a suplex up by the entrance in a cool looking crash landing.  All Rock here.  Into the crowd they go and then it’s back to ringside.  Rock grabs the steps but HHH pops him with a chair so that the steps hit Rock in the head and fall on his chest.  HHH hammers the steps with the chair.  A Piledriver on the steps kills Rock but only gets two back in the ring.  Big pop for that kickout.

Both finishers are countered with the Pedigree being backdropped to the floor.  We go into the crowd again as it’s pretty clear they’re killing time before the finish.  Back to the ring area and HHH smacks the hat off the head of an annoying fan.  Spinebuster (called a takedown by Ross) on the floor by Rock puts both guys down.

We head to the announce table with Rock suplexing HHH onto the English announce table.  You can tell it’s a big match when the American table is busted too.  HHH gets a drop toehold to the steps to put Rock down.  For some reason he gets in HHH’s face and Vince kicks some Game.  Shane is back now and beats down Vince a bit.

Shane hits Vince in the head with a monitor and the look on Stephanie’s face that we cut to is perhaps the most unintentionally funny things you will ever see on WWE television.  Stephanie is a lot of things.  She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s gorgeous, she’s sexy, she’s a great TV character, but she cannot act to save her life and this is one of those instances.  She looks like the guy from Troll 2 if that gives you any indication of how stupid she looks here.

Anyway, Vince somehow pops up from a monitor shot to the head within 20 seconds and goes after Shane.  Keep in mind that this sequence, which has gone on for like two minutes now, is happening during THE MAIN EVENT OF WRESTLEMANIA.  Yes, The Rock vs. HHH, perhaps the greatest feud of the Attitude Era other than Vince vs. Austin and the feud that would carry the comfpany to unthought of levels in 2000 isn’t enough as we need to focus on the McMahons and their drama.  This is why this match and show are considered weak: it was about the McMahons and that’s it.

Shane manages to crack Vince’s head with the chair to put him down.  They’ve literally not had the camera on HHH or Rock or the ring for three minutes now.  They’re in the ring salsa dancing for all I know.  Vince is busted open and taken to the back.  There’s a trickle of blood which JR is saying is flowing by the quart.

HOLY CRAP IT’S WRESTLING TIME!  Rock hammers on HHH and gets a DDT for two.  Rock gets a slam for two as Shane has a chair on the floor.  HHH gets a facebuster and drills Rock in the head with the 2×4.  Shane in now but the reversed Pedigree sends HHH flying into Shane.  Rock Bottom but Rock is spent.  Shane is up with the chair now but here’s Vince as AGAIN it’s all about the McMahons.  Shane goes down, Vince gets the chair, turns on Rock (SHOCKING!), chair to Rock, kick out, HHH gets the chair and drills Rock with it for the pin.

Rating: D+. Well let’s see.  First of all, WAY too much focus on the McMahons.  Second, this should have been Rock vs. HHH.  That’s all there is to it.  Also, a fatal fourway elimination match in the main event of Wrestlemania?  That sounds like something from a video game.  Also, when does a heel win in the main event of Wrestlemania?  It’s supposed to be a feel good moment and that simply didn’t happen here.  No clue what they were thinking here but it didn’t work like at all.

Vince and Stephanie reunite post match.  Rock gets up and all three McMahons take Rock Bottoms.  Stephanie gets a People’s Elbow after hers and it looked like Rock grabbed a bit of something when he was getting up for it.

Overall Rating: D. This was….bad.  The show itself is mostly watch, but THIS IS WRESTLEMANIA.  This isn’t Judgment Day….scratch that as Judgment Day in 2000 was great.  This isn’t some WCW show where watchable is a good night.  WWF was incredible in 2000 and this is probably the weakest show of the year by far.

I have no idea what the thought process was here but it certainly didn’t work at all.  There are two good matches here and more importantly, not one singles match.  What the heck were they thinking here?  That’s a very good question that I don’t think has ever gotten an answer.  Terrible show overall and it just didn’t work, especially for Mania.

NXT
Date: March 22, 2011
Location: Nationwide Arena, Columbus, Ohio
Commentators: William Regal, Todd Grisham

Ok so it’s week three now and there is nothing to say at all.  I mean really there’s nothing to talk about regarding this show that I haven’t said already.  The guys aren’t interesting, the wrestling is just ok and the challenges are exactly the same thing we’ve seen every season so far.  I have no idea what else to say here so let’s get to it.

One quick note: my feed kept cutting out during this show so if I missed anything I apologize.

The show opens with the usual introduction of the rookies.  Wild and Young is a nice add-on here.  Regal likes Young the best out of the guys in this season.  We go over the Redemption points standings which Maryse gets wrong.  The first challenge is a battle of the mics….and there goes my feed.  Apparently this is about insulting the other people.  Ah there it is.  It’s a tournament style thing apparently.

First up is Saxton vs. Novak.  Novak tries to rap and makes fun of Columbus.  This is awful.  Saxton says nothing of note as he makes fun of Cannon’s robe and wins by default here more or less.

Up next is O’Brian vs. O’Neil.  O’Brian makes fun of the MAKE IT A WIN thing.  O’Neil makes fun of O’Brian’s nose and it’s just awful.  O’Neil somehow wins due to Horny.  I give up.

Young vs. Cannon now.  Young makes fun of the robe and says forget about Maryse.  Cannon makes fun of the Ohio State Buckeyes (College basketball team that is on a roll at the moment) for no apparent reason as it’s going to get him eliminated.  I guess he’s just not that smart.  Young of course wins although Regal makes an interesting point, saying that it was a win for Cannon because the people actually responded.

So it’s a three way of talking between Saxton, Young and O’Neil.  Saxton rambles about O’Neil and dogs and then makes fun of Young’s hair.  O’Neil basically does a commercial for Gillette and I have no idea why this man is on my computer screen as he’s an idiot.  Young says that O’Neil is old and that he looks better than Saxton.  This was AWFUL.  I kid you not, the crowd boos all three guys so they do it again to see who gets booed the least with Young winning.

We recap the previous two weeks for no apparent reason.

Darren Young vs. Titus O’Neil

 

O’Neil has purple tights and gold boots plus a leprechaun in the corner.  Could this guy be a bigger joke?  Young is so far ahead of O’Neil it’s unreal and yet he’s nothing worth talking about at all.  We hit the chinlock quickly as the fans are into O’Neil only due to Horny.  Backbreaker by O’Neil gets two.  They go to the corner for a bit and Chavo helps.  Naturally Horny goes after Chavo and Titus hits a powerbomb to end it at 3:00.

Rating: D-. Since there won’t be much to grade here due to a lack of wrestling on this show, I’ll throw this out for you.  These two aren’t any good in the ring although Young is watchable I guess.  See, that’s not a good sign when the clearly best guy on the show is only watchable.  Terrible match and I couldn’t wait for it to be over, which isn’t good at all.

We see the Taker/HHH video from last night which is only cool for the legends in there.  I am not feeling this match in the slightest.

Cannon hits on Maryse and gets slapped.  Yoshi laughs and gets slapped.  Cannon laughs at Yoshi and gets punched.  Riveting.

Video on Lucky Cannon talks about how different he is.  He doesn’t want to hear about Season 2 anymore so let’s talk about him more.  It’s all about him and he’s, blast it all, winning.  Can we get Charlie Sheen drawn and quartered please?

Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian vs. JTG/Jacob Novak

 

And Striker makes it a dance off.  Regal says he’s a heck of a dancer.  I think we’ve seen that before and it was awesome if I remember it right.  Regal is cracking me up with him ripping into JTG and says that his only talent is stealing.  Apparently his sister in law is a great shoplifter and whatever Todd wants from her can be here next week.  Vlad and O’Brian destroy them of course and this is a squash.  Somehow they were synchronized on this if you can believe that.

We get the ending of Raw last night with the new belt and Cena actually being there.  I’ll give them credit for the Cena thing as not only was it surprising but it kept things from being hypocritical on his part.

Byron Saxton vs. Lucky Cannon

 

And this is your main event people.  I want this show to die.  They slug it out in the corner to start with Cannon in control.  Saxton fires off some shoulders but Kidd distracts him to allow Cannon to get a big boot to take over.  Neckbreaker gets two for Lucky.  There’s a chinlock with the knee in the back as JTG tells Horny how to take notes apparently.

A second neckbreaker is blocked and Saxton takes him down.  My screen keeps freezing so I’m not sure on a lot of the moves.  I also know that it doesn’t mean a thing at all here.  Kidd is at least coaching here.  Saxton hits the post and it’s that reverse DVD/FU that Cannon used before to end this at 3:30.

Rating: F+. Was there any point to this?  It was two guys in there doing moves on each other and that’s it.  I mean there was no point to it, there was nothing of note, there was just three and a half minutes of nothing here.  What a great allegory or visualization of this entire show.

Cannon beats up Yoshi post match to end the show.

Overall Rating: F. Like I said at the beginning of this show, I’ve got nothing.  I mean there is nothing at all to talk about on this show.  There’s nothing of interest in the entire show and there’s nothing at all to say about it.  I almost dread watching this show anymore which is saying a lot as I’ve watched wrestling for nearly the entire 23 years that I’ve been alive and love it very much.  I enjoyed 2000 Thunder for crying out loud.  Terribly dull show indeed.

Results

Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Powerbomb

Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian b. JTG/Jacob Novak in a dance off

Lucky Cannon b. Byron Saxton – Fireman’s carry into a mat slam