Starrcade 1993
Date: December 27, 1993
Location: Independence Arena, Charlotte, North Carolina
Attendance: 8,200
Commentators: Tony Schiavone, Jesse Ventura

This is a rather interesting show for a few reasons. First and foremost other than the main event, it’s one of the most awful shows you’ll ever see. Second of all, the main event was changed due to a near murder. Sid vs. Vader had been built up for months but then Sid got into a drunken bar fight with Arn Anderson and stabbed him, getting him fired from the company and causing him to be gone from mainstream wrestling for over a year. A side effect of this was that WCW had filmed MONTHS of footage with Sid with the title. This footage was now worthless so it was lost. I love stupid people wasting their time. Let’s get to it.

Oh I forgot: if Flair loses tonight against Vader he has to retire. We open with a retrospective of Flair’s life and career, ranging from the plane crash up through today with sound bytes from his career playing over them. Then we see clips of Vader just ending people left and right. They made this feel epic here which was the right idea.

Vader arrived early and had a workout. Flair isn’t here yet. Race is driving Vader’s car which is appropriate considering the first Starrcade with Race vs. Flair was ten years ago. Gene is at Flair’s house with him. Are they playing Nintendo and eating pizza? Flair says goodbye to his family in a NICE house. David is the oldest looking 14 year old I have ever seen. This is actually kind of a touching moment as they’re making it out to be a huge match. Gene and Flair have a weird moment as they get in the limo together. I guess this is reporting? Flair is very somber here and there’s almost a Rocky theme to it.

Marcus Bagwell/2 Cold Scorpio vs. Paul Roma/Paul Orndorff

They’re not Pretty Wonderful yet. Also the faces have Teddy Long managing them for no apparent reason. Teddy gets Manager of the Year before the match starts. The Pauls have the Assassin with them which was a pairing I never got at all. The Pauls jump them early which fails completely as the guys that look like Halloween candy (orange and black tights) send them to the floor.

Bagwell and Roma start us off and Bagwell gets a cross body for two. This is another one of those shows that happened on a Monday which is one of those signs of the time which always takes time to get used to. Off to Marcus as the fans really don’t seem to care. We hear about the tag title match later: Nasty Boys vs. Sting/Hawk. People have nightmares about that one for reasons we’ll get into later.

Scorpio vs. Orndorff at the moment as this is really just a match. There’s no heat or drama or anything like that. The problem is no one cares about the Pauls and they were just two guys that were out there in tights doing wrestling moves. That doesn’t make good heels in the slightest, so of course they were two time tag champions as the division did nothing at all.

Bagwell takes over on Roma as we hear about him being rookie of the year which was two years ago somehow. More arm work by Scorpio to Roma as Roma yells at Teddy. The commentators just stop talking for awhile, my guess due to being sound asleep. Roma works on Bagwell’s back as nothing is going on here of note. Elbow gets two. Off to Orndorff who gets a suplex for two.

Oh look: they’re both stomping Bagwell at the same time. Literally, that’s the most exciting thing in the entire match up to this point. Powerslam gets two for Roma and he goes up top for a missed splash. Scorpio comes in and beats on both guys but can’t get the 450. He beats on Orndorff with various stuff instead but Assassin pops up with a loaded mask and headbutts Scorpio dead, letting Orndorff fall on him for the pin.

Rating: F+. It’s the biggest show of the year and this is their idea of an opening match? TERRIBLY not interesting as just about all Pretty Wonderful matches were. Bagwell would float around in boring tag teams for years before turning heel in like 96 and becoming “interesting” in the form of Buff Bagwell. Awful opener as the fans simply did not care in the slightest and the lack of any form of emotion shows it. Technically fine, but a shining example of just stupid matchmaking.

Flair and Gene are still in the limo and they talk about how it could be the last time. Gene is one of Flair’s best friends. There’s a line that sounds odd for some reason. Flair is really reminiscent here instead of being fired up. There’s nothing but seriousness and somberness in his voice here and it’s really weird compared to his usual raving lunacy. Flair says he has to win because who else would say woo?

Shockmaster vs. Awesome Kong

Kong is a big fat dude in a mask. His partner, King Kong, is with him. Shockmaster is Tugboat and the guy that is more famous for falling flat on his face. This is one of his final appearances I think. The Kongs jumps Shocky in the corner as this is a battle of the big men. It’s one of those matches where basic moves are allegedly more effective due to their size. Cross body by Shocky sets up a slam and a fast count and we’re done in maybe a minute flat. The guy he pinned had tights that said King so who knows if that was the right guy.

We hear about the dark match for some reason before we run down the rest of the card. British Bulldog can’t wrestle for some reason so The Boss (Big Bossman) is replacing him against Rude for the International Title.

Flair’s limo gets here. He and Gene part ways and that’s about it.

TV Title: Steven Regal vs. Ricky Steamboat

Regal is champion. Dragon has the lizard man thing going on here. I miss something I think as I hear Jesse talking about Princess Diana strapping on some boxing gloves and fighting Sarah Ferguson. Ok then. We hear about the 15 minute time limit and they stall incessantly. You figure out where this is ending.

This is one of those matches where more or less nothing happens the entire time and it’s all REALLY basic stuff, which is described as methodical. They exchange some covers and it’s very clear where we’re going here. Off to a headlock as Sir William, the manager of Regal, makes fun of various fans at ringside. Sunset flip gets one for Steamboat and we hit a leg lock.

Top rope chop gets two. Probably an average of 45 seconds are passing between moves here. There’s just nothing to talk about in between them. Armbar by Steamboat as I think you’re getting my point here. We’re ten minutes into this match allegedly which looks a bit like 8 to me but then again I’m just a guy watching this on a version with a timer on it. What do I know?

They start messing with the clock as we’re down to four minutes left about 52 seconds after the five minute announcement. Headscissors by Steamboat gets him nowhere. There’s another 57 seconds minutes so Steamboat chops a tiny bit faster. Out to the floor a bit which has nothing going on again.

Under two minutes now as this really needs to end. Technical stuff abounds and you know that’s going to be good with these two. Minute left as Ricky gets a butterfly suplex for two. They head to the floor as the fans FINALLY wake up a bit here. And then the cross body misses and we’re out of time after thirteen minutes. Brilliant there guys, brilliant.

Rating: D-. The technical stuff was good but at the same time the idea of doing the same match they did every week with Regal at Starrcade is just freaking stupid all around. He held the title for what seemed like forever and this was more or less the standard operating procedure for his entire reign.

Tony and Jesse talk about Flair for a bit.

Cactus Jack/Maxx Payne vs. Shanghai Pierce/Tex Slazenger

The not Cactus Jack team is more famous as the Godwins. Their theme music sounds like the train level on Turtles in Time. Jack is just past his awesome run vs. Vader so they threw him in a random tag team to give him something to do. The Godwins are Texas boys and therefore are about what you would expect. To give you an idea of the sizes here, Jack is the smallest of these four.

Payne vs. Pierce (in a mask. Got it) starts us off. Jesse gets the future hog farmers confused which messes up my writing a bit. Off to Jack and Tex with Jack getting a nice pop. Now of course when Hogan came in, Jack was dropped in favor of guys like Jim Duggan and Honky Tonk Man, but they’re CLEARLY better talents than Jack right? Naturally he’s the most talented and best guy in the match so his parts are the best.

We’re in brawl mode quickly as the Texas guys can’t get anything going. Payne hammers on the future Mideon but a bulldog saves Tex. Sunset flip gets two for Payne and a belly to back puts both guys down. Jack comes in and beats the tar out of Pierce and it breaks down again. Cactus Clothesline puts him and Pierce on the floor for a bit as the faces stand tall. Payne no sells a double axe off the top and throws on his Fujiwara Armbar finisher which is broken up. Jack back in and heel miscommunication sets up a double arm DDT to end Pierce.

Rating: D. This was a little under 8 minutes long and the Texans were on offense less than 30 seconds combined. Somehow though this wasn’t a squash even though it met all the qualifications for one. Jack and Payne would split soon and Jack would float around the tag division for awhile as he more or less mastered the semi-hardcore brawling style that made him famous before heading to ECW in 94.

Some racing guy with a mullet talks because this is WCW.

US Title: Steve Austin vs. Dustin Rhodes

Austin is challenging and this is 2/3 falls. We do get the Natural theme song though so that’s a plus….I think. Jesse keeps making jokes about the Hooters girl at ringside, saying you can’t call her the Natural. Funny stuff. So weird to see Austin being this young and with hair and in white boots. Feeling out process to start with a lot of technical stuff and Austin getting sent to the floor.

Still waiting on anything to really get going. We hear about Rush Limbaugh and my head begins to hurt again. Austin hits the floor for about the third time already as this is really boring stuff. What a great theme to have all night long. Tony rattles off stats about Austin’s TV Title reign and impresses Jesse. “How do you know all this stuff?” Tony Schiavone just got asked that question. Mark down the date and time.

Out to the floor AGAIN and Austin is sent into the crowd like a luchador. Back in and Dustin pops him with a right hand and Austin sells it like he got shot. Back to the headlock now as things were starting to get interesting. This is what I’m talking about when I say this company had no idea how to use various people. You have a young (turned 29 9 days before this show) Austin and you stick him in there with Dustin, who works the same slow, boring, methodical (read as lays around a lot) style that only suits old school fans and sucks the life out of matches every single times. Very annoying.

They slug it out again and talk about how one of these guys is going to dominate WCW for the next ten years. Well Austin certainly did dominate them after April of 98 so I guess Tony is right there. They slug it out even more and Austin gets a belly to back to put both guys down. Remember what I said about this being boring? Here’s another instance of that.

Middle rope elbow misses for Austin and Dustin channels his inner papa. Dustin gets a powerslam for two as we’re still in the first fall. Austin is sent into Parker and it counts as being thrown over the top. Oh joy. The Colonel is out apparently as we have a thirty second rest period. Rhodes doesn’t seem to care as he sends Austin into the post to bust him open a bit. Colonel is taken out.

And there go the lights. Literally, the lights go out other than a spotlight, drawing the biggest pop of the match sadly enough. Dustin hammers away a bit as Jesse uses the term dark match in a different context. They go into the corner and the lights come back up. Austin takes some punches in the corner but comes out with something like a spinebuster and a handful of tights to win the title which he held until August.

Rating: D+. And somehow they manage to get a boring match out of Austin. Dustin is a guy that no one cared about but because his dad was famous he kept getting pushed. Goldust was the best thing that ever could have happened to him. Weak match as the first fall was weak and the lights made them look stupid as always. Somehow this is one of the better matches of the night so far.

The announcers talk about Boss vs. Rude a bit. They say that the title is an officially recognized world title, so if you’re ever curious, Rick Rude was a world champion.

WCW International World Title: The Boss vs. Rick Rude

As I said earlier, it’s Big Boss Man in black. Short version, it’s the physical NWA World Title belt without the lineage because of a bunch of ridiculous stuff. The International Board is a parody of the NWA Board. The titles would be unified in a few months at a Clash of the Champions. This is billed as a super match. Boss beat Rude before which is why he was picked to get this match.

After some big match intros we’re ready to go. We stall/jaw at each other a lot before they stall even more in a long lockup. The referee keeps getting in between these guys that think it’s 1990 again. Over three minutes in and we FINALLY have something other than stalling: right hands. Boss Man takes over a bit and gets a HUGE backdrop and a boot to put Rude down.

Boss fires some stiff shots in the corner and we hit the floor. I know it sounds like this hasn’t been on that long but we’ve been at this over six minutes and I think I’ve put in every single move they’ve done. Literally that’s how slowly they’re moving. Rude gets tied up in the ropes upside down facing the audience. Some punches by Boss and we hit the last thing this match needed: a bearhug.

I know Flair vs. Vader was the only thing that mattered here but dude, can you at least try to give us one other good match? The annoying thing is that they’re not even that bad. They’re just DULL. Rude bites him and they slug it out a bit. Boss takes over again but misses that running shot when Rude is on the ropes in a 619 position and a sunset flip ends him. I give up.

Rating: F+. Yet ANOTHER boring match. I mean they had 10 minutes out there and they could have fit the offense they had in maybe 3 of them. This whole show has been like that: boring matches with TONS of stalling despite having more than enough time to get something going. At least there are only two more and one is great.

Tony tells Jesse he’s a good looking man. As random as it sounds.

Tag Titles: Sting/Hawk vs. Nasty Boys

This wouldn’t be the one I was talking about when I said great. HUGE pop for Sting. Great place for your second most popular guy right? Allegedly before the stabbing this was going to be Flair/Steamboat trying to win the titles. There’s a pairing you don’t often see. Missy Hyatt is with the champions here. I’d assume Animal is injured or something here. The Nasties pose a lot before the match to waste time.

Sting vs. Knobbs to start us off and it’s time to stall. Finally we get going with brawling to start. After the champions are sent to the floor for a bit it’s off to Sags vs. Hawk. Jesse says Hawk’s hair looks like a Los Angeles Ram without the helmet. He chops away in the corner which gets him nowhere as the Nasties take over. Shocking no one that pays attention, Hawk no sells it and sends them to the floor.

We stall a bit to change the pace again. Hawk hammers on Sags and throws some of the worst punches I’ve ever seen as his hand is so clearly open it’s absurd. Hawk gets an enziguri for two of all things. Thankfully Sting comes in to take away the sloppiness. And of course he’s in there for thirty seconds. Hawk works on the arm of Knobbs as does Sting. Crowd is only kind of into this.

The bird man gets sent to the floor and into the post. Missy gives him a slap that Stephanie would be jealous of as Knobbs hammers away again. Off to an armbar again as this hasn’t been terrible actually. It’s not anything great but it’s not a horrid match I guess. Jesse says a slam by Knobbs was bad. When Jesse Ventura is criticizing your in ring work, you might suck.

Back to the armbar and Hawk slaps the mat. Since this isn’t Philly though that means nothing yet. Tag to Sting doesn’t count so Hawk fights them both off on his own. A lot of these moves are missing. There’s a tag to Sting as we hit the fifteen minute mark. Sags tries an elbow drop to Sting to break up a cover and while it looked like it hit him Sting doesn’t seem hurt by it. Missed spot I guess.

The Nasties try to leave which fails of course. Back in and Sting’s big splash off the top eats knees. Knobbs tries I guess a leg drop but it comes off like a backsplash from the middle rope. That’s what I’m talking about by the sloppiness. Sting plays Ricky Morton for awhile now and goes to the floor for a bit. Off to the abdominal stretch by Sags as the crowd is more into this than they’ve been into anything else all night. Granted that’s not saying much but still.

And now for a change, Knobbs uses the stretch. We get to ten minutes left in the thirty minute time limit. Sting gets a sunset flip for two and it’s off to Sags for the third abdominal stretch in about 2 minutes. Now it’s time for a chinlock because that’s the next logical rest hold. Suplex gets two so we go back to the same hold. I guess they got tired in between.

Abdominal stretch #4 goes on as again we have the problem with the match being that it goes on WAY too long. Five minutes left as Sting breaks the hold. Something gets botched as we get a splash by Knobbs off the middle rope but it’s pretty clear that wasn’t supposed to hit. They repeat it and this time Sting gets a boot up to set up…nothing as the Nasties try their finisher. That of course fails as it’s hot tag to Hawk. Stinger Splash hits and it’s time for a Doomsday Device. Missy runs in for the DQ which looks completely unplanned. The announcers and Sting/Hawk look totally confused.

Rating: D. Again, this match suffers from one major problem: it’s HALF AN HOUR LONG. On top of that it has a bad ending which like I said I don’t think was exactly planned to go that way. It’s certainly not the worst match in the world but at the same time there is a lot here that doesn’t work in the slightest. The whole rest hold marathon hurt it a lot as well.

Please……let this main event be the BEST MATCH EVER. It has to be to make this show worth anything.

WCW World Heavyweight Title: Ric Flair vs. Vader

Title vs. career here. Race is Vader’s manager and is carrying the belt to the ring. Vader is basically a killing machine that has injured everyone he’s fought so this is something close to David vs. Goliath. Flair’s pop is one of respect to say the least. It’s the purple robe tonight. This has a 45 minute time limit for some reason. This is in the day when a retirement match would have meant something so there’s a far more serious tone to this.

Flair is only a ten time champion here so he’s still a young legend. To say the crowd is one sided is the understatement of the year. Vader easily overpowers him to start of course so Flair tries to make him run around. Finally though Vader gets his hands on Flair and let the pain begin. Race shouting YOU WANTED HIM FLAIR is great stuff. We hear about Flair’s record at Starrcade which is pretty remarkable to say the least.

Big gorilla press puts Flair down as they’re taking their time here. The first five minutes or so have been better than anything else that has happened all night. To the floor for a bit as this is completely one sided. Vader pulls a Sting though and misses a splash into the railing. Flair fights back because it’s all he can do to keep his career alive but Race pops him to take over. The fans nearly erupted over a 5 second flurry of offense from Flair. They’re that hot.

Back to the beatdown as Vader hammers away. STIFF clothesline takes Flair down. You could describe every move of Vader’s as stiff as a board to put it mildly. Flair gets some chops in but Vader just pops him in the head to take him back down. Middle rope clothesline puts Flair down but Flair gets out of the way of a splash and gets a shot off the top.

Flair manages to get three straight shots from the top and takes Vader down. Vader shrugs it off and takes Flair down, busting open his lip. Middle rope suplex puts Flair down but Vader can’t pop up immediately. He’s slowing down a bit which is an important point to the match. Splash misses though but it’s not like Vader cares. Flair is sent to the floor and Race kicks him square in the head.

Back in a splash misses but the second doesn’t so Vader just hammers away. Flair gets up and straight beats Vader down with nothing but right hands. Awesome sequence here as it’s all heart and Vader can’t stop it. Flair goes for the knee and gets a chair shot in as Race tries to interfere. More punching down follows as the story here of Flair having to give up his usual stuff and fight for everything he’s got is great.

Chair (as in the unfoldable kind that you sat on in elementary school) to the head and Vader is in big trouble. Flair hammers him down again but collapses due to exhaustion. Time to work on the knee and he even manages a strut. Crowd has been going nuts for about five minutes straight now. Figure Four is casually blocked and the crowd goes silent again.

Vader Bomb misses and here they come again! Somehow Flair gets the Figure Four on Vader and the champion is in trouble! Vader gets to the ropes but Race is freaking out so much that the referee doesn’t see it. Flair is all fired up even when the hold is broken. Twenty minutes in and Vader gets a big boot to slow things down.

Vader hammers away on the mat as he’s spent. Moonsault misses and Race goes up when Flair covers. The headbutt hits Vader which is reminiscent of the star destroyer hitting the Death Star in Return of the Jedi as everything falls apart. Flair hammers away and grabs a single leg (kind of botched) and rolls up Flair to win the title and send the crowd into insanity.

Rating: A. Great match here as Flair and Vader both told the story of Vader not being able to beat Flair and Flair having to resort to the bare basics to keep his career alive. This was ranked #1 on the Starrcade countdown which is probably one spot too high (Magnum vs. Tully is still one of the sickest wars you’ll ever see) but this beats anything else for second place. This is reminiscent of Mania 14 with HBK vs. Austin as we knew Flair was winning but the fun part was the journey getting there.

Tony says Flair’s career goes on and on and on which makes me laugh given what Flair is doing today.

The announcers point out the psychology of Vader hammering on Flair as much as he could but got caught in a simple move to win the title as Flair finally got a chance to clear his head and used his basic wrestling skills to win the title. Brilliant story told in the match.

Vader is in the back and is MAD. He gets in Race’s face and tears lockers down so Eric runs off.

Flair comes out to the arena again for a curtain call as this show has only run about two and a half hours.

Gene is with Flair’s family and Flair pops up to say how awesome this was. As usual he’s very humble as a face, saying how his family being here meant a lot. His wife doesn’t talk much. Sting comes in and praises Flair. Steamboat comes in and says Flair is awesome too.

Overall Rating: D+. The problem here was that other than the main event, this show was either terrible or really boring. They seemed to be setting up ONLY Flair vs. Vader as a good match which is an idea I’ve never agreed with. The show comes off as really boring for the most part and a lot of matches leave you saying “that’s it?” or “what was that?” The main event is must see for a lesson in how to tell a story in a match but the rest isn’t worth seeing in the slightest.

NXT
Date: June 21, 2011
Location: Giant Center, Hershey, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

It’s week whatever here (It’s week whatever here) and there are no signs of us getting done with this show yet.  We have three people left in the forms of O’Brian, O’Neil and Young.  Other than that there isn’t much else going on here, which to be fair can be said nearly every week around here.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Lucky Cannon’s stuff over the course of the season.  I think this is the same video we opened last week with.  Cannon kind of reminds me of Kelso from That 70’s Show.  At least they’re not airing the wrong episode because there’s the elimination from last week.

They’re still wild, but after being on this season for this long can you still classify them as young?

There’s another elimination next week.

Here’s Horny with Titus to open the show.  Apparently the small one has some business with Maryse.  And here she is to at least make the show more fun to look at.  Horny mumbles a lot and Titus translates.  Apparently Horny has a surprise for her and has her hold her hand out.  He puts a box in her hand and it’s a ring pop.  I haven’t had one of those in years.  She insults him for it because she’s not nice anymore.  The ring is thrown in his face and she leaves him all upset.

And of all people here’s Zack Ryder.  He was the pro for Titus on NXT Season 2.  Decent reaction but not exactly the explosion that you would expect from what you read about him online.  The tall people compared Ryder and Horny’s merits as Pros and Ryder threatens to fist pump Titus’ face.  Striker makes the obvious main event.

Vladimir Kozlov/Yoshi Tatsu/Conor O’Brian vs. Chavo Guerrero/JTG/Darren Young

Regal goes into another rant about JTG, saying he’s been waking up half an hour earlier so he can hate him that much longer every day.  Young and O’Brian start us off.  This is about as riveting as you would expect them to be if you’ve watched their matches all season.  Conor runs him off after awhile and here’s Chavo.  Regal apparently had Chavo’s first match in WCW.

Conor is holding his arm kind of funny after a bit so here’s Yoshi to fight JTG.  Regal talks about losing a bet about Cannon last week but not having any money due to the women he has to pay for.  Koz comes in and cleans some house.  Powerslam gets two for Kozlov as Regal praises him.  Vlad cleans house and Conor helps out a bit as we take a break.  Back with Vlad getting two on Chavo off a powerslam.

The rookies beat on each other for a bit with the main work being on the knee of O’Brian.  Off to JTG and this goes on way too long.  They’ve been working on his knee for five minutes now.  Everyone gets in a lot of time on it with JTG on it at the moment.  Conor gets some shots in but Chavo gets a drop toehold to take him right back down.

After about eight minutes of O’Brian getting beaten on (seriously) it’s close enough to a tag to bring in Yoshi.  He cleans house and hits a spin kick to take JTG down.  Shining Wizard gets one as everything breaks down.  Koz gets a pretty nice double suplex on Chavo and Young to send them to the floor.  And never mind as Tatsu kicks JTG’s head off for the pin at 15:20.

Rating: C-. They’re trying so hard to make us care about O’Brian and it’s almost a guarantee he’s making the finals if not winning the whole thing, just so we can see him next season again.  I never once wanted to see him make the tag, which at times I often do in these matches.  He flat out isn’t interesting and that’s all there is to it.  Way too long here.

We’re told that the votes messed up last night and Sin Cara actually should have faced Bourne.  That explains a few things.  They’ll have a match on Raw to make up for it.

Raw Rebound is about the Punk segment last night.

Tyson Kidd is talking to Lucky Cannon on the phone and says there won’t be a recount.  He says he has to go because he comes up on I guess you would call it a shrine in a locker with candles and all that jazz.  There’s a Yoshi Tatsu action figure in the middle and Yoshi comes up, saying not to touch it.  Kidd leaves and Yoshi puts a Hershey bar in front of it (huge pop.  Remember the town they’re in) and bows to it.  I have no idea what to say to that.

Titus O’Neil vs. Zack Ryder

Regal has a quick thing about Ryder also: his old partner Dave Taylor had a hand in training Ryder.  Ryder charges straight at him which gets him beaten up.  Grisham actually mentions the Youtube show and the Internet Championship.  Titus gets a headlock on for awhile and then runs Ryder over.  Horny bites Ryder on the license plate on his tights, allowing O’Neil to get a school boy for two as we take a break.

Back with Ryder taking over after a knee lift.  He chokes away a lot as I guess he’s still a heel on TV.  They need to pick one or the other, because he’s constantly changing back and forth.  Off to the chinlock as Regal points out that Horny is the only person that keeps Titus going.  Ryder gets a running facewash in the corner which has a proper name that I can’t think of.  It only gets two and it’s back to the chinlock.  They get back up and here’s the comeback for Titus.  Ryder hits the floor and goes after Horny, prompting a brief bit on the floor.  Back in, O’Neil walks into the Rough Ryder for the pin at 8:30.

Rating: C. Not bad but kind of long here.  The reaction for Ryder was ok at best which isn’t really that surprising.  He’s ok in the ring but not particularly good.  Also interesting to hear them actually acknowledge his Youtube show and a nice little change of pace.  The match itself was just kind of there and not that interesting.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a horrible show here and thankfully we get it down to the final two next week.  If the matches were a bit better this could work overall.  The same old issues come up again here: everyone has faced each other time after time and there’s no one caring about anything.  The season almost has to be winding down soon though so at least we can get a fresh batch next season.  Not horrible overall tonight though.

Results

Yoshi Tatsu/Vladimir Kozlov/Conor O’Brian b. Darren Young/JTG/Chavo Guerrer – High Kick to JTG

Zack Ryder b. Titus O’Neil – Rough Ryder

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 20, 2011
Location: 1^st Mariner Arena, Baltimore, Maryland
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, Booker T

It’s another three hour Raw coming off a rather weak PPV last night in the form of Capitol Punishment.  It’s Power to the People tonight which more or less means Viewer’s Choice, as the fans are going to pick the matches and the participants in them.  This was rather interesting last year so maybe we’ve got a winner on our hands.  Let’s get to it.

You’re going to get three options and you text in your selection of A, B or C.

Here’s Punk to open the show.  Last night he promised the most honest act in WWE history.  He sits down in the middle of the ring and says that he wouldn’t trust the people with the content of this show.  After all, they choose to live in Baltimore, Maryland.  Punk says they can’t pick what he’s going to do tonight.  He’s the best wrestler (his word) in the world and he’s beaten Cena and Mysterio within the last week.

Wins and losses still mean something and they mean he’s the #1 contender.  It’s not a debate or argument.  Based on what he’s done, it’s fact.  He wants the GM to send an E-Mail and make it official.  He’s not going anywhere until he’s named #1 contender to the WWE Championship of the World (spoken like Road Dogg used to say it).  The GM says he’ll take the demands under consideration but right now Punk needs to leave the ring.

Punk seems annoyed and there’s another E-Mail, with the GM saying it more emphatically this time.  Punk says no and makes snow angels minus the snow.  Another E-Mail says he was going to be named #1 contender later but since Punk disrespected him it’s Punk vs. Alberto for the spot later.  Punk says he’s used to people making bad decisions but Alberto has one big win which was last night.  Another E-Mail makes it a triple threat with Rey added in.  Punk is limping as he leaves.

First vote: Who does Brie Bella defend the title against?

Eve

Kelly Kelly

Beth Phoenix

Back with the results:

Eve: 11%

Kelly Kelly: 53%

Beth Phoenix: 36%

Divas Title: Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly

Cole mistakenly says Kelly is a former champion.  Brie runs early on and Nikki teases interference, allowing Brie to get in a shot and take over.  Off to the chinlock with Kelly in trouble.  Kelly starts her comeback but gets caught in a neckbreaker for two.  Kelly tries a victory roll out of the corner but Brie reverses ala Owen Hart.  That gets reversed as well though into another victory roll position and Kelly wins the title at 3:02.

Rating: C-. Well this was only about three years too late but she finally won it I guess.  She’s gotten a bit better in the ring but this isn’t much of note.  Not a horrible match but this was incredibly generic.  The Bellas were more or less done as champions though so there’s not many reasons to not make this switch.

Lawler does a quick interview post match and Kelly starts crying as she says power to the people.

Video on Bourne who can jump a lot.

Second Vote: Who does Evan Bourne face?

Jack Swagger

Mason Ryan

Sin Cara

Results say:

Jack Swagger: 19%

Mason Ryan: 51%

Sin Cara: 30%

Evan Bourne vs. Mason Ryan

Kind of surprised by that actually.  Ryan stalks him to start but Bourne can’t get a single thing going.  The fans chant something that sounds like Batista as he uses a lot of offense like Big Dave.  Bourne gets a dropkick in and Ryan shrugs it off.  A pair of backbreakers set up a fallaway slam and have Bourne barely able to fight back at all.

Ryan puts him on the apron where Evan is able to get some kicks in.  Jumping knee in the corner has Ryan in trouble…and never mind as he gets an easy gorilla press slam to take over again.  And then Ryan screws up by putting Bourne on the top rope in Shooting Star position.  That misses and Bourne gets an ugly small package for two.  Bourne goes up again but jumps into a Side Effect for the pin at 4:06.

Rating: C. Not bad here in what might have been Ryan’s longest singles match to date.  Bourne was kind of handicapped here but he was trying at least.  Ryan is getting better very slowly but it’s coming.  With his look and power it’s not like he has to do that much in the ring, and they’re playing to that.

Third vote: Pick Kane vs. Mark Henry’s stipulation.

Body Slam Challenge

Arm Wrestling

Over the Top Challenge

Raw Roulette is back next week.

Mark Henry vs. Kane

Pre match Henry says when people mess with him, they get punished, just like Big Show last night.  There are two differences between Show and Henry.  When Show walks the Earth, the Earth shakes.  When Henry walks the Earth, the people shake.  Isn’t that one difference?  Bigger isn’t better in this case.  The results are up next.

The people say:

Body Slam Challenge: 13%

Arm Wrestling: 52%

Over the Top Challenge: 35%

Uh….ok then.  If you’ve ever seen an arm wrestling match on a wrestling show, you know what’s going on here.  After a bunch of stalling we get going.  Henry drills Kane once he was in trouble for the DQ.  They brawl a bit and Henry hits him with the table.  Henry takes him to the floor and hits the World’s Strongest Slam through the table like he did to Big Show last night.

Truth is up next.

Here’s R-Truth to complain about how the conspiracy is still going strong.  He says that it wasn’t the computer that got him last night.  It was Little Jimmy.  And the Big Jimmy too.  He got got by Little Jimmy!  Cue Christian of all people who goes on his usual thing about how the people made him face Orton five days after winning the title.  The setbacks are due to the people, not him.

Last night though it was due to the bad refereeing.  We get a shot from last night with Christian having his foot under the ropes.  He actually does have a point in that one.  Christian demands that justice be served.  He only needs one more shot.  Truth asks how many chances he’s had.  That’s not the point though.  At least Christian has been champion.  Last night Truth got got by Little Jimmy!  Christian: “Who is Little Jimmy?”  Truth goes into his “the Little Jimmys want me to be a good R-Truth” thing but here’s Miz to interrupt again.

Miz says that he’s the only one that has a chance to complain because there was a partisan referee last night.  Christian makes fun of Miz because he was the only one not in a title match.  This turns into a bizarre three way yelling match of them shouting REALLY, RANDY, RILEY and ultimately JIMMY at each other back and forth.  This was hilarious in the weird way.  Teddy Long breaks it up and says that tonight it’s a six man main event with these three against Cena, Orton and Riley with the people picking the stipulations.

Fourth vote: Pick the stipulations for Kingston vs. Ziggler for the US Title.

2/3 falls

Vickie barred from ringside

Submission

The results say:

2/3 falls: 51%

Vickie barred from ringside: 31%

Submission: 18%

US Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston

2/3 falls here then.  Kofi is rather aggressive to start us off, taking over with relative ease.  He kicks Dolph to the floor and then stays all aggressive on him with punches and chokes.  Kofi misses a dive though and it’s time for a break.  Back and it’s 1-0 Dolph who got the fall using the Zig Zag during the break.  Dolph uses chinlocks and an armbar to keep his advantage.  Nice dropkick by the champion.

Fameasser gets two.  Dolph keeps hammering away but Kofi gets the SOS out of nowhere to make it 1-1.  Neckbreaker takes over for Dolph again and it’s back to the chinlock.  Kofi hits a slingshot to send Dolph into the post ala Hennig and takes over with strikes.  Double stomp gets two.  Dolph grabs a rollup with tights for two.  Kofi goes up and hits something similar to Delirious’ Shadows Over Hell for two.

Dolph hits the floor and grabs the belt but it misses Kofi.  Trouble in Paradise hits but they’re on the floor.  Back in that gets two as Dolph puts his fingers on the rope.  They kind of messed it up as Dolph grabbed the rope a half second late but it was called anyway.  Dolph tries to run again and this time gets a shot with the microphone for the DQ at 12:35.

Rating: C+. The third fall was better but the first two were kind of weak.  The problem for these two is that they’ve fought so many times that it’s kind of getting old.  The matches are still pretty good but we can only see them go at it so many times.  They need something else to do.

Cole rants about the people having the power tonight due to Austin and we get a clip of that being decided last week.  The computer being destroyed was kind of funny.

Fifth Vote: Pick the stipulations for the triple threat.

No DQ

Falls Count Anywhere

Submission

Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio

Alberto says that what happened to Show and Ricardo was destiny, not bad luck.  Him winning tonight is also destiny.  The results and the other entrances are next.

No DQ: 23%

Falls Count Anywhere: 66%

Submission: 11%

Rey grabs rollups on both guys to start us off.  Standard triple threat style here with one guy being down while the other two do their thing.  We head to the floor with Punk hitting a powerbomb for two on Alberto.  Seated senton off the apron gets two on Punk.  Back and Rey takes over on Punk getting some covers off a headscissors.  Alberto takes Rey down and it’s heel vs. heel for awhile.

GTS doesn’t work but Alberto gets his Codebreaker to the arm for two.  Rey comes back in and gets a rana on Alberto to set up the 619.  Punk is put in the same position but he catches Rey in the GTS.  Alberto breaks that up and Punk kicks him in the head for two.  Tower of Doom spot sees Alberto powerbomb Punk who suplexes Rey.  Covers get two on both guys.

Del Rio takes over but misses a charge, ramming his shoulder into the post.  Rey sets for a dive on him but Punk breaks it up.  A charging Punk eats feet and Rey hits something like a Swanton before immediately popping up and hitting a suicide dive to take Alberto out.  Rey gets a seated senton for two.  They go to the corner and Rey is knocked into the cross armbreaker.  Punk drops a leg on Alberto to break it up and get two.  Rey takes Alberto down and hits the springboard splash.  Punk pops back in and sends Rey into the post so he can steal the pin on Alberto at 11:35.

Rating: C+. Pretty decent match here with them doing a lot of the usual stuff that you would expect them to in a triple threat.  Not bad here and Punk winning is right, but I kind of fail to see the point in having Rey out there.  If Punk already beat him once, why would he be in this match?  Either way, not bad.

Punk talks about his honesty thing.  He’ll win the title on July 17 at Money in the Bank.  That day is also significant due to it being the day his contract expires.  He’s leaving after it and he’s taking the title with him.  That’s a new one.

Sixth vote: Pick the stipulation for Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan.

Paper Bag Match

No Count Out

Collegiate Rules Match

Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes

Paper Bag Match: 43%

No Count Out: 51%

Collegiate Rules Match: 6%

Not exactly the best set of options here.  Bryan kicks him to the floor almost immediately and gets a suplex onto the ramp.  It’s just no count out, not hardcore/falls count anywhere mind you.  Back in the ring a missile dropkick gets two.  Cody gets a sick looking Beautiful Disaster kick for two.  Bryan almost gets the LeBell Lock but gets caught in a slingshot instead.  Small package gets two but Bryan reverses into one of his own for the pin at 2:40.  Nothing of note here but it wasn’t bad.

LeBell Lock goes on Cody post match but DiBiase comes in for the double beatdown.  There’s an Alabama Slam to Bryan and Cross Rhodes followed by the bagging.

Seventh vote: Vickie Guerrero will have a dance contest with who?

Michael Cole

Jerry Lawler

Booker T

Before the results we recap the show so far.

Vickie says she’ll win, talking about how she used to have a bunch of dancing experience, including exotic with the stage name of peaches.  She even quotes Sable with the men who came to see me line.  Striker has to dance with her for some reason.  She kisses him and I think he liked it.  Or maybe hated it.  Leaning more towards hated it.

Here are the results of the poll.

Michael Cole: 47%

Jerry Lawler: 39%

Booker T: 14%

Well sure why not.  Cole has way too much fun doing this, even throwing in the Worm (kind of) and the Spinarooni (about as good as you would expect).  Oddly enough Cole gets a better reaction and wins the thing.  Vickie slaps the taste out of his mouth post match.

Eighth vote: The stipulations for the main event.

One Fall to A Finish

20 Minute Time Limit

Elimination Match

Gee I wonder which it’ll be.

Christian/R-Truth/The Miz vs. John Cena/Randy Orton/Alex Riley

One Fall to A Finish: 15%

20 Minute Time Limit: 6%

Elimination Match: 79%

The bell is after the break.  Miz vs. Cena start us off which goes nowhere for the most part.  Off to Orton and Christian as we keep our brand representation balanced.  They keep hammering on Orton’s head to play up the concussion aspect.  Truth throws on a chinlock and Randy can’t make a rope for a good while.  A suplex gets him out of it though but Christian blocks the tag.

Killswitch and RKO both are countered and a reverse DDT gets two.  Spear is caught in a powerslam and it’s hot tag to Riley.  Riley actually cleans some house on all three guys and escapes the Killswitch.  He almost gets the inverted DDT on Miz and Christian but gets caught in a double team.  Cena comes in and the distraction allows Miz to get the Skull Crushing Finale to go up 3-2 and we take a break.

Back with Orton being covered for two by Miz off a move we didn’t see.  Orton gets a shot in and it’s off to Cena.  Here’s the finishing sequence on Miz but the AA is blocked.  Neckbreaker gets two for Miz.  Running clothesline in the corner hits and Miz goes up.  He misses a double axe but jumps into the STF.  Truth makes the save though and everything breaks down for a bit.

Everyone gets a shot or two in on Cena until it’s off to Truth.  Sitout gordbuster gets two.  Cena gets a fisherman’s suplex to break the momentum and it seems like they mess something up as Cena lays there like a foot from Orton for about ten seconds but he never makes it.  Off to Miz who walks into the AA to make it 2-2.  Truth comes in and throws on a chinlock for a bit.

Off to Christian who misses a top rope splash/headbutt to put both guys down.  Double tags bring in Truth and Orton.  Powerslam to the nutjob and Orton goes all psycho.  Elevated DDT hits.  Christian breaks up the RKO and Truth misses an axe kick.  RKO gets us down to the Super Best Friends vs. Christian.  Orton walks into a spear and Christian pins him.  He walks into the AA but grabs the rope to escape.  The sore loser known as Randy Orton hits an RKO, allowing the STF to end Christian at 20:00.

Rating: C-. Not horrible here but just kind of there as a main event six man.  The twist to it helped a bit but at the same time it didn’t really mean much.  As always WWE more or less burns a week off after a PPV which is really annoying but it’s the way things work anymore.  Wasn’t impressed here and this was just ok at best.

Overall Rating: D. Did not like this at all for the most part.  The choices were ok for awhile and then they got into the standard pattern of two options that suck and one good one which is more or less a guaranteed pick.  Other than Punk vs. Cena being set up, there wasn’t much that actually happened tonight and for the second three hour Raw in a row, that’s not a good thing.  Really not a fan here and the whole thing fell pretty flat.

Results

Kelly Kelly b. Brie Bella – Victory Roll

Mason Ryan b. Evan Bourne – Sit Out Rock Bottom

Kane b. Mark Henry in an arm wrestling match via DQ when Henry punched Kane

Kofi Kingston b. Dolph Ziggler – Kingston won the third fall by DQ when Ziggler hit him with the microphone

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – Small Package

Randy Orton/John Cena/Alex Riley b. R-Truth/Christian/The Miz – STF to Christian

Capitol Punishment 2011
Date: June 19, 2011
Location: Verizon Center, Washington D.C.
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Jerry Lawler

Time for another B show PPV.  The main events are Orton vs. Christian III and Cena vs. Truth for the titles.  This has a bit of a better feel to it than Over the Limit, but I’m not sure if that’s going to be enough to carry them to a better result.  At least the main event is fresh and the other one has been well built.  Can’t ask for much more than that.  Let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Truth and his alleged conspiracy complete with videos of various other scandals and conspiracies in Washington DC, such as Clinton and Nixon.

The set is pretty cool looking as it looks like the Capitol Building.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler

The red white and blue ropes are a nice touch.  These two have had so many matches that it’s hard for them to not have a decent match.  Kofi goes into his usual controlled frenzy (coming soon to a t-shirt near you) but the kick misses.  Dolph takes over with his basic stuff.  Dropkick takes Kofi down as we make Vickie is fat jokes.  We hear about Dolph at Kent State because we haven’t heard about that in a few minutes.  Kofi gets a cradle for a quick two and that’s about it for this run on offense.

Off to an armbar by Dolph and there’s the sleeper but Kofi gets out of it rather quickly.  Kofi starts his series of strikes and takes over.  He hits a cross body to the back which is kind of weird but whatever.  Boom Drop hits and he loads up Trouble in Paradise which misses, but he does grab the SOS for two.  Both guys get rollups for two and the Zig Zag doesn’t work.  Kofi gets something like a double stomp for two.

Up to the corner they go with Dolph trying a superplex.  Kofi knocks him off and hits the huge cross body which always looks awesome but it only gets two here.  Another SOS is countered into the Sleeper which is countered again.  Trouble in Paradise and the Zig Zag miss but Vickie rakes the eyes of Kofi and there’s the Sleeper in the middle of the ring.  Dolph kicks off the ropes to get them back into the middle of the ring and somehow that’s all cool and Dolph is champion.  Well of course not as that would mean consistency in the rules.  Dolph Ziggler is a freaking Triple Crown Champion.

Rating: B-. The ending was a bit confusing as they took too long to announce the winner.  Also the ropes aspect was pretty stupid since Dolph touched them which is usually grounds for a break, but here it’s not because that goes against the planned finish.  Good match though as these two know each other so well so it was a big match of counters and avoiding finishers, which is always fun.

Truth arrives with the title and says that he’s going to a party and Josh is invited.  They walk around and Truth runs into Eve who says she doesn’t know him anymore.  He goes all psycho and dedicates the upcoming win to all the little Jimmys and Jennys.

Miz is tired of hearing about Riley.  He won the world title and he won in the main event of Wrestlemania while Riley was carrying the briefcase.  There’s a line between them and tonight he’s going to prove that.  Serious but good stuff here.

We recap Miz vs. Riley.  It’s the classic mentor/mentee feud with them being all cool until Miz lost the title, which made him blame Riley when things started going downhill.  Riley technically cost Miz the title twice and Riley snapped and massacred Miz a few times on Raw, setting up this match.

The Miz vs. Alex Riley

Miz has the case with him now and actually comes out first.  The balloons saying AWESOME are back which are a nice touch.  Riley is the hometown boy so he’s pretty well received.  Cole goes into full on Miz is AWESOME mode, cheering for everything he says and bashing Riley completely.  Miz talks trash and Riley hammers away.  Riley chases him for a bit but charges into a big boot to give Miz the advantage.

The beating begins and Riley is in trouble.  Miz keeps backing away from the punches Riley tries to throw and keeps the advantage.  Low DDT gets two.  Miz likes to throw boots.  Other than that quick opening Riley has gotten beaten pretty badly here.  Riley gets a shoulder into the corner but a second hits the post.  About the 10^th big boot of the match puts Riley down outside.

Miz more or less stalks him and lets Riley miss punch after punch.  One of them finally hits and here’s the comeback.  And scratch that as Miz grabs a chinlock and brings Riley right back down.  Corner clothesline by Miz as Riley is in big trouble.  Double axe off the top by Miz hits which is a pretty rare sight.  Riley goes into the Tree of Woe as King praises him for his ability to punch.

Booker keeps calling for the match to be stopped but Riley gets out of the way of a charging Miz to send Miz’s balls into the post ala Curt Hennig.  Riley hits a spear and takes over.  I’m so over that move it’s unreal.  Spinebuster gets two.  Miz sends him to the floor, only for Riley to get in another shot for two.

Out to the floor we go as Cole runs his mouth even more.  Riley finally has had enough of him and there goes Cole.  Miz gets all ticked off and gets the briefcase which of course doesn’t get him anymore.  Riley grabs an inverted DDT (Edgecution) and gets the clean pin on the Miz.  Never would have seen that one coming at all.

Rating: C+. Rather surprised here as Miz would have seemed to be the pick to win this one.  Either way you can’t say that they’re not trying to push someone else.  I can’t imagine this is the end of the feud and I hope it isn’t, as Miz and Riley have an actual feud between them which helps a lot.

Sgt. Slaughter is in the back with….oh let’s just get it over with.  It’s a bad Obama impersonator and he makes Obamacare jokes and Vickie comes up to him and sings Happy Father’s Day before the Secret Service guys take him away.  This was idiotic.  At least get a guy that looks like him.

We recap Big Show vs. Alberto.  It’s more or less the same video we’ve seen a dozen times now with Show being run over (yet somehow being fine three weeks later) and then going insane on everyone in sight.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Big Show

Show jumps Alberto during his entrance and the beating begins.  After a few seconds of that, here’s Mark Henry to jump Show, sending him onto the announce table and hitting the World’s Strongest Slam through it.  I don’t think the bell ever rang.  Henry comes back and works on the knee of Show for like a second, apparently reinjuring his knee.  The referee starts the count.  HOW IS THIS NOT A FREAKING DISQUALIFICATION???  Unbelievable.  They’re actually letting this go on because the bell never rang.

Show gets in at like 8 and we’re going to do this.  The bell rings once Show is already in the ring after an 8 as there had to be a rule broken in there somewhere.  Del Rio goes after the knee and gets Show down but his cover completely fails.  Show gets a wicked chokeslam to send Del Rio to the floor.  Show’s leg is done though so he can’t follow up.  Del Rio goes up top but jumps into another chokeslam attempt.

Del Rio gets a kick to the knee again though and tries the Cross Armbreaker.  You know, because he’s worked on the arm so much.  Can’t stand idiotic thought like that.  Show easily counters but takes another shot to the leg and Del Rio throws on a Cross Legbreaker to put Show in trouble.  Show gets out of the hold and fights up.  Actually he tries to but keeps falling down and they stop it.  What a freaking mess.

Rating: D-. What a freaking mess this was.  So somehow the referee is all cool with Henry destroying Show like that and just lets the match go on before stopping it due to Show not being able to stand up?  Just a huge mess the entire time and it came off like a total trainwreck.  This is the flaw in Show: you have to do stupid stuff like this to make him seem even remotely beatable and it gets a bit annoying.

Truth rants a bit more about name plates on the belt or something.

Wade Barrett does the always cool walking promo, talking about how he doesn’t like being in DC.  Insert Anthony Weiner joke here.  He makes fun of America and the national debt, saying all of us will be speaking Chinese in about twenty years.  Oh and we need a king of queen.  America is a hollow shell, just like Jackson.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

There’s the required USA chant from the idiot fans.  Jackson almost gets the Rack about a minute in but Barrett hits the floor to hide.  Barrett gets a big boot in the corner to take over for two.  Boss Man Slam gets two also.  Pumphandle slam works on the second attempt and Barrett keeps his dominance going.  A running big boot misses though and Jackson starts his comeback.

Another charge misses for Barrett but he blocks the slams.  Wasteland hits and it only gets two.  Barrett’s face is great as he is SHOCKED.  There’s the USA chant again to waste some intelligence.  Here come the slams and Jackson is all fired up.  Torture Rack goes on and we have a new champion.

Rating: C-. Not much here as Jackson did what he needed to but it was still pretty boring.  Not sure where he goes with it either but he needed to win a title to validate himself I guess.  Barrett has already proven himself so the title doesn’t mean much to him anymore.  Not bad but kind of dull overall.

Lawler goes to ask Jackson how it feels to win and he talks about declaring independence or something like that.

More stupid Obama stuff with Beth, Kelly and Santino meeting the bad impersonator.  Santino teaches him the Cobra and the Secret Service panics, taking down Santino.

Punk talks about how DC is corrupt and everyone lies.  He’s not a liar though and makes fun of the term sports entertainer.  Rey isn’t a hero and is just trying to get rich, like everyone else.  Punk is different because he tells you he’s using you.  After he beats Rey, he’s going to do the most honest thing the WWE Universe has ever seen.  Interesting.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

Loud Punk chant by the smark crowd.  Basic back and forth stuff to start as Cole talks about how all of Punk’s tattoos have meaning.  He doesn’t say what those meanings are but they have meanings.  They trade strikes until Rey sends him to the floor and hits a baseball slide.  A seated senton off the ropes is countered into a hot shot into the barrier by Punk who takes over.

Surfboard goes on by Punk as I smile because Rey is screaming.  Rey tries to speed things up but walks into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to set up that body scissors that Punk uses rather often.  Rey gets him into the 619 position, only to have his head taken off by a Punk clothesline.  Abdominal stretch goes on and Punk has to lean WAY down to get that hold on.  Drop toehold sends Punk’s nose into the buckle, only to get caught in the Tree of Woe.  Little masked freak deserves it.

Rey sends him to the floor and a big old Asai Moonsault takes Punk down.  Punk is shaking his hand like he lost some feeling in it for a bit.  Back in and Mysterio gets something resembling a top rope shoulder block for two.  Punk rotates through the spinning cross body for two.  They speed things up and it turns into a kick off.  Swinging kick to the head gets two for Rey.

Belly to back off the top gets two for Punk who is still shaking his arm and hand a bit.  Rey goes up but a splash eats knees which gets two for Punk.  CM calls for the GTS and fires off some knees but the GTS is countered into a hurricanrana.  A kick to the head gets two for Punk as the crowd is finally getting into this.  Another GTS is countered into the 619 but Punk grabs that into the GTS for the pin, his second on PPV since he beat Taker via submission and both have been over Rey.

Rating: B+. Good match here as these two definitely have chemistry together.  Punk’s speech pre-match is rather interesting as I’m curious as to what the most honest thing in the WWE is and given Punk, that could be a lot.  Maybe a feud with Cena?  As in a proper one minus Nexus?  One can only hope.

We recap Christian vs. Orton, which I’m sure you know the story to by now.  Christian won the title and had to defend it five days later against Orton who won it.  Christian slowly went nuts, claiming that it was unfair and then turned heel, bashing Randy with the title.  This is match #3 in their series.  Christian’s heel turn speech is still awesome because it made perfect sense and showed him as a totally insecure guy that wasn’t as confident as he made himself up to be which is the most common criticism of him: he’s overrated.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

Orton comes out first here which is kind of surprising.  We get big match intros and they actually check for weapons.  There’s an old school move for you.  First two matches in this series were great so hopefully they can keep that up here.  Orton takes over to start with a bunch of punches and his back arching Thesz Press.  They speed things up and Orton gets two off a shoulder block.

Orton keeps avoiding Christian’s stuff including swatting away a dropkick and casually moving away to let Christian crash to the floor on a dive.  Back in the ring and Orton hits nine punches in the corner.  Always something odd about him I guess.  Booker tries to play up the idea that Orton is shaky due to his recent concussion.  Christian puts Orton head first into the steps and his eyes are starting to mess up.

Christian takes over and works on the neck/head, getting a neckbreaker for two.  Spinebuster gets two.  Orton’s head is all messed up now but he manages to whip Christian into the corner to buy himself a few seconds.  Backdrop puts Christian down and Orton pounds away on the chest.  Christian keeps fighting back with shots to the head and heads to the floor.

That doesn’t last long as Orton pulls him back to the apron and then hits a superplex for two.  RKO and Killswitch are both broken up and Orton hits that powerbomb into a neckbreaker that he hasn’t used in years but is still an awesome looking move for two.  Killswitch doesn’t work again so they head to the corner where Orton blocks a good deal of stuff and hits the elevated DDT for two.

Orton goes into his zone but the RKO is countered into a reverse DDT for two.  I love how they keep playing up the history they have with all of these counters to signature moves because they’re so familiar with each other.  Spear misses and Orton tries another RKO but Christian reverses that for the third time and hits the spear for a close two.  Orton pops up with a dropkick to send Christian back into the corner but he walks into the pendulum kick but there’s the RKO out of nowhere and we’re done.  Totally abrupt ending.  Christian’s foot was under the ropes.

Rating: B. Good match but not as good as last month at Over the Limit.  The ending hurt it a bit but I really liked the storytelling they were doing here with the head injury and the counters that went with it.  Good stuff here and they have good chemistry together.  The foot under the ropes might lead to something else but I doubt it.

Christian protests post match but gets decked with the belt anyway.

It’s 10:02 and there’s one match left.  They almost have to throw something out there to fill in time.  They stay in the ring for a LONG time, probably trying to kill off some time.  We see the replay about three times and the foot is clearly under the ropes which Booker and Jerry say is too close to call.

Ad for Money in the Bank which is set up like a fairy tale read by Big Show to Horny who says again after it’s over.  A bit more creative I guess.  The theme song is Shane’s old theme.

Here are the Bellas with some guy named Keith Stone who apparently is a mild celebrity due to something about beer.  They don’t talk or do anything so that’s it.

Recap of Cena vs. Truth.  Truth says that the fans are lied to by Cena and that there’s a big conspiracy going on against Truth.  Everyone else says Truth is nuts, which might be true.  This seems to be the same video from the opening video.

Ah ok there’s a bonus match.  This will help a lot.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

The fans want Ryder again.  Let it go already people.  Basic power vs. speed here with no one caring but it’s hard to complain about free wrestling.  Bourne does his speed moves to fly around everywhere and confuse Swagger but Jack catches him and works on the ribs.  We hit the reverse chinlock as the Bellas are in the front row with the beer dude.

Swagger does the pushup on the chest of Bourne which apparently ticks the small man off.  A back body drop of all things gets two for Jack.  Vader Bomb gets two.  Bourne starts his comeback with his usual kicks and basic offense.  He loads up the Shooting Star but has to jump off due to Swagger being up.  Big boot gets two.

Spinning DDT gets two and Bourne busts out the kicks.  Pretty awesome finishing sequence as Bourne sets for the Shooting Star but lands on his feet.  Swagger gets a sweet running charge into the gutwrench powerbomb which is countered into a sunset flip into the ankle lock which Bourne rolls through for the pin.

Rating: B-. I liked this quite a bit actually but I’m a fan of power vs. speed.  This was just a bonus match and it ate up about ten minutes, making the main event far more realistic with about twenty minutes instead of closer to thirty or thirty five.  That finishing sequence was rather good and the whole thing worked rather well, especially when it’s just a bonus.  Can’t complain about free wrestling, especially when it’s pretty good.

And now let’s end this interesting stuff as we have Obama impersonator come out for Vince’s amusement.  The SNL guy looks more like Obama than this one does.  He has the speech pattern down but he doesn’t sound anything like Obama.  He isn’t the GM because there would be more JR.  “I love that fat bastard.”    He wishes Cena luck and the booing is unreal.

He tries to leave but Booker calls him into the ring, calling him a homey.  The guy gets in the ring and just get the Spinarooni out of the way already.  Yep there it is.  It isn’t funny, no one cares, and this wastes more time.

We recap Cena vs. Truth again in case you forgot about it.  This video is different at least.

Raw World Title: R-Truth vs. John Cena

Truth has the belt but Cena is champion.  As scary as it is, I could see Truth getting the title here.  Big match intros set up a mixed reaction for Cena as always.  Feeling out process to start but Truth gets in a shot to take over.  Cena sends him to the floor and we stall a bit.  AA doesn’t work and Truth hits a sitout gordbuster to get two.  The dueling chants keep going as Truth gets a kick in for two.

Truth does a You Can’t See Me knockoff which ended in a legdrop for two.  Spinning forearm gets two.  Cena pulls himself up using Truth’s body.  Truth says Cena can’t see him.  This is kind of a slow paced match as Truth’s offense isn’t all that great.  Big hip toss gets two.  Lawler thinks Cena hasn’t taken Truth seriously enough.  Cena gets up but can’t get the STF, only to get kicked down again by Truth.

Suplex gets two.  This is a pretty dull match actually.  Cena starts his comeback with the shoulder blocks.  Five Knuckle Shuffle hits but Truth escapes the AA and hits the suplex into the Stunner “which we’ve NEVER seen before!”  Truth talks to himself a lot but misses a charge in the corner and there’s the STF.  Truth grabs the rope rather quickly though and the axe kick hits out of nowhere for two.  Cena was out fast.

Truth goes up for a cross body but Cena rolls through into the AA attempt.  Truth counters that into the jumping Downward Spiral for two.  Cena hits the floor which would seem to set up something fishy.  Truth goes out to the other side and is looking all crazy.  He steals a hat from a Cena fan and gets a drink of water.  The fan throws the water in Truth’s face!  The distraction is enough for Cena to pull him in and hit the AA to retain!

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here overall and I wasn’t into it for the most part.  It’s not horrible but it’s just not interesting.  The water going into his face is kind of a nice touch given that Truth did that to a kid on Raw a few weeks ago but at the same time it really wasn’t anything interesting.  Total B show PPV match here and I can’t imagine it’ll go any further, not after Cena beat him clean.

Cena brings the kid into the ring post match and celebrates with the National Guard to end the show.

Rating: C-. This was a pretty weak show overall.  It’s not bad to be sure but overall it feels kind of like it just came and went.  I know I say this a lot but this is a show that would be perfect for the In Your House model.  It’s a B show PPV and that might be being generous.  Cena vs. Truth is a match that’s had a few weeks of build and for the most part, I can’t imagine it continuing after this.  This didn’t feel like an important show at all and while it was ok, it was nothing I’ll ever want to watch again.  That happens far too often in WWE anymore and it’s not good.

Results

Dolph Ziggler b. Kofi Kingston – Sleeper

Alex Riley b. The Miz – Inverted DDT

Albert Del Rio b. Big Show – Referee Stoppage

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett – Torture Rack

CM Punk b. Rey Mysterio – GTS

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Evan Bourne b. Jack Swagger – Victory Roll

John Cena b. R-Truth – Attitude Adjustment

November to Remember 1998
Date: November 1, 1998
Location: Lakefront Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana
Attendance: 5,800
Commentator: Joey Styles

So we’re another three months later and not a ton has changed. Shane is FINALLY coming back to the ring since you know, that whole three months of not being able to wrestle wasn’t justification to take the belt off of him AT ALL. At this point he’s held the title for just shy of a year and will hold it until January where the yearlong story with Taz will be blown off.

The main event is Sabu/Van Dam/Taz vs. the Triple Threat. Jake Roberts and Tommy Rich are here and we’re near the Gulf of Mexico. Oh dear. This sounds like HEROES OF WRESTLING all over again. Let’s get this over with, and I’m appointing X to be near me with a bottle of whiskey and a gun.

We open to New Jack jumping Jack Victory in the parking lot in black and white for no apparent reason. Metaphor for something maybe? Jack gets cuffed and taken away by conveniently present policemen. I really don’t like New Jack in case you didn’t know. I didn’t mention this but this show is more or less their Wrestlemania, so keep that in mind as I’ll be grading it as their mega show.

Joey, who looks different for some reason, runs down the card as per usual. Just to be clear: the main event of the biggest show of the year is a six man tag match with no title on the line. Just keep that in mind. And here’s Terry Funk for no apparent reason, wearing a mortarboard (hat you wear when you graduate). I love Funk’s voice. It’s just so freaking insane sounding that it’s awesome.

He’s mad that he wasn’t invited and FUNK YOU Paul E and the fans. He’s also mad about Dreamer picking someone else as his partner tonight. He says Dreamer’s father was a crackhead and his mother wasn’t a nice person. Well that’s better than smelling of elderberries and being a hamster I guess.

Dreamer comes out as Funk says he’s been practicing his double flip off the top rope and he doesn’t get to do it. This was uh, different. Yeah that’s right. It was different. Not bad or anything, just odd.

Theme song, with a graphic thanking the fans. Nothing wrong with that.

Blue World Order vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill

The BWO here are Nova and Meanie, as Richards realized he had that thing that people like called mainstream appeal so he’s in WWF at this point. Roadkill is an Amish guy, called the Angry Amish Chicken Plucker. This could be a really long night. They’re a new team here but they would eventually become kind of a big deal by ECW standards. Doring is about as bland as you could dream of a guy with his name being.

Nova has some unique offense from what I remember so this should be ok. And here’s Funk again with his own cameraman. There’s also a camera following Funk and his cameraman. Styles asks a great question: why are we focusing on Terry Funk when there’s wrestling going on. Funk takes over as timekeeper. Again, I get that he’s a far bigger star, but if you’re going to have these four guys out there, don’t take the focus off of them for Funk.

Yes he’s by far the bigger star and more important than all four combined, but show the guys some respect if you could. We get a lot of heel miscommunication to keep the faces in control as this is becoming a glorified squash. Ok the People’s Legdrop is kind of a cute idea but I’m still not huge on theatrical moves. Not a big deal at all though. And here’s Funk again to interfere and then put himself through a table.

Doring is setting for something but stops to do a strut called the Dastardly Shuffle. I like the name if nothing else. Ok seriously, have the match, or follow Funk. This is annoying. Joey makes me chuckle asking if Roadkill took a horse and buggy to New Orleans from Pennsylvania. That’s rather amusing. He does a Taker rope walk but misses the elbow drop he was trying.

Doring has a lot of long and drawn out names for his moves which is clever for some stupid reason that I don’t get but whatever. He and Nova are working the majority of the match which is intelligent. And now we have one of my biggest annoyances of ECW: claiming Monday Night shows steal all their moves. This is brought up by Nova doing a move called the Sledge-o-Matic. It’s a diving powerbomb where he goes to the side on the landing.

In other words, it’s the same move but with a slight twist that makes zero difference. It’s wrestling guys. People use the same moves quite often. You don’t see a right hand being called a Strangler Lewis Special do you? Now yes, ECW got ripped off more than any other company I can think of, but at times they got ridiculous complaining about it.

I mean really, can you imagine someone complaining about every tiny little thing that goes on at a wrestling show which no one else would have the sheer stupidity to notice since no one else would be such a bored and pathetic human being to think this in depth about such a thing? Can you imagine how pitiful that person really is? DANG they would drive me crazy. What’s the point of picking something apart and blowing the tiniest thing completely out or proportion?

Anyway, this match needs to end as the right lace of Nova’s left boot has a single thread sticking out and it’s driving me crazy. Nova hits a modified tornado DDT that is completely different than the one that Chavo Guerrero had been using around this time, because it was MODIFIED. The BWO wins it with a double team move where Meanie did a wheelbarrow lift into a DDT from Nova called the Blue Light Special.

And here’s Funk again to steal the spotlight, which yes I know that’s fine and the point. I have no problem with it here, but did we need to have him do the stuff during the match? Not that I can see of. Heyman comes out to calm him down. So in other words the ten minute match was all just to set up the Funk angle. Got it. Not that bad of an idea I guess as at least there was a full length match, unlike in WWE where it would have been lucky to go 100 seconds before Funk ran in, so points for that definitely.

Rating: D. It was a long squash and Funk stole the focus at a very annoying rate. I don’t get that but we’re just twenty three minutes into the show so maybe we’ll find out later. This wasn’t a very good match but it got the crowd going, which isn’t really something ECW needs as I always thought they had Red Bull IVs going into them but I get the idea.

We recap the tag title match with is Balls Mahoney and Masato Tanaka vs. the Dudleys. Mahoney and Tanaka had a match where they more or less had a chair duel that went to a draw. They had another and the Dudleys ran in for no apparent reason. Somehow this got Tanaka and Mahoney a tag title shot but the Dudleys beat them up beforehand so they got the shot and won the belts. Ok then.

And that match isn’t for about 40 more minutes. Why am I trying to make sense of this?

Tracy Smothers vs. Tommy Rogers

O……..k. Rodgers is one half of the Fantastics from the 80s but since he was an agent for ECW that makes sense. The FBI, the Full blooded Italians, have a German wrestler named Ulf Herman with them now. Rogers has Chris Chetti. Not actually explained but I guess it was a known thing at the time. This was a comedy stable that was very popular although I never could get into them.

Oh ok Chetti is there to watch his back against the FBI. That makes sense. I guess Chetti just sits in the back in his gear as a backup for hire? Rich complains about the town for cheap and easy heel heat. Rogers gets on the mic and points out the joke of the FBI. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Amusingly enough they make fun of the Saints and earlier today they made the Super Bowl so that’s kind of funny. The fans want their pizza.

This is a fast paced match to start off which is fine but less than two minutes in and we’ve had four interferences already. And we have the camera on Herman and Chetti who fight to the back. Oh look, MORE INTERFERING. I get that it’s a heel stable, but dude can we have ONE match with no interference? Is that too much to ask?

Guido has done three different run ins inside of two minutes. This is the straight wrestling match tonight right? Rogers looks in ok shape actually. There’s a logo in the middle of the ring now for the show which is a nice little touch. After MORE heel miscommunication, Rogers hits the Tomikaze (Unprettier/Killswitch which he used first) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This match exemplifies two of the major problems I’ve always had with ECW. Number one, while decent, what possible reason could you could up with for two guys in their late 30s of this caliber to wrestle on the biggest show of the year? I can overlook that though as the wrestling was actually rather good here so that’s excused.

However, that’s the problem here: the wrestling was rather good, but there were literally 6 different interferences in this match. Why can’t we just have a good wrestling match? Is that a sin or something?

The FBI argue/fight but instead they jump Rogers instead. Chetti comes out for the save with a nice springboard double clothesline. He hits a moonsault onto Rich and Mabel is here with Herman. Are you kidding? Is this supposed to be a major talent acquisition or something? Herman hits what would eventually evolve into the Musclebuster.

And here’s Spike Dudley to beat up Herman who is about Hall’s size and then Mabel. This makes perfect sense too. Spike gets the Acid Drop on both guys and sits on them…and the referee makes the count and calls for the bell. Yeah sure why not. Mabel would be Viscera in less than three months. The fans bought this is nothing else so I guess it had something resembling a point, and Spike was a giant killer anyway. It was quick too so that’s not so bad.

Rotten, Mahoney and Tanaka say they’re ready for the Dudleys. Rotten wasn’t terrible on the mic actually. He’s doing nothing but screaming, but he’s articulate and makes his point so I can’t complain much. Match isn’t up next though so there we go.

Lance Storm vs. Jerry Lynn

Storm has the newly appearing Tammy Lynn Bytch with him. She’s more commonly known as Dawn Marie. Sunny (Tammy Lynn Sytch but since the names would just get complicated we’ll go with Sunny and Dawn here) and Mikey Whipwreck are the guest referees. Why Mikey? Why two referees?

I’m assuming we won’t be told, but remember kids: even though ECW was marketing to the masses now and had no national television outlet, it wasn’t their fault that you didn’t get storylines that you had to live in New England to know about. Just ask any ECW mark and they’ll tell you that. I always had a big thing for Marie. Storm is freshly heel here. Everyone gets their own entrance of course, and once again let us remind you: Mikey has pinned Steve Austin.

Can’t blame them there as that is a big deal kind of. Oh wait this is 98. That’s freaking huge. We get a big recap of it with Heyman narrating and he points out that we get a great back shot in it. Heyman was different if nothing else. In a big brawl at the ECW Arena Mikey ran in to help one of the girls. That’s an explanation so I’ll give it credit for that. These recaps have been a God send as I would have no clue otherwise. Barely Legal really needed those.

And yep Sunny looks great. She knew how to carry herself better than any other woman in wrestling history, including Elizabeth. She puts her shoes on in the ring which is of course both a big production and sexy somehow. This should be good as I’ve always been a fan of Storm’s in ring stuff. One time Sunny needs to just flash the freaking crowd to end the chants.

Thankfully Mikey goes to the floor so we only have one referee in there. Still a bit overbooked but there’s a point and backstory to it at least so that’s an improvement. They are freaking MOVING out there. This is by far the hottest the crowd has been all night long. Ok so maybe the overbooking works here. Tammy really wants to get to count the pin on Storm mind you. Storm is born to be a heel really. He’s awesome at it.

We hit the floor and Lynn just goes off. I love with Storm does a springboard move. It just looks so smooth. Storm goes for another one over the top rope but hits his head/neck on the rope on the way to the floor. He’s fine but that could have been bad. Storm hits a Skull Crushing Finale which is a move I’ve always liked. Has there ever been a more painful looking move than a surfboard? I certainly can’t think of one.

Sunny’s facial expressions are awesome. I kind of like the dynamic they’re going with here as they’re not even trying to hide the biased officiating here. Here’s Dawn interfering and yep she’s getting stripped. Mikey runs in and hits the Whippersnapper on both girls. Oh never mind they blocked it on Sunny. Lynn gets one as well and that only gets a VERY long two.

Sunny messes up the one she gets but then after a small package from Lynn on Storm, Mikey reverses it so Storm has the cover and fast counts it. It was something about Storm low blowed him but Mikey couldn’t tell. The problem was that no one got that, which messed it up. The crowd went silent on that one.

Rating: B-. Seriously, Jerry Lynn and Lance Storm? I mean really Paul, do you not think that these two can have a good match without some big thing going on? I get that the interferences made sense, but dude, look at the two guys in there and tell me with a straight face that they need the help to have an entertaining match.

Funk apologizes and says he’s done with wrestling and he won’t be this much of a jerk again. Oh and this is for good. We’re at an hour, seventeen minutes and twenty-seven seconds into the video. Keep that in mind.

We recap the tag title match and then we recap Justin vs. Tommy in the dream mystery partner death match. They keep calling Justin the fastest rising star and hottest star in wrestling. They back this up by showing him breaking the leg of a Japanese star and injuring Mikey Whipwreck, caning Sandman a lot, and caning Sandman a lot.

So let me make sure I got this right. He broke the leg of a guy most people don’t know of, he injured the leg of a guy with a LONG history of knee problems, caned a guy that made a living in cane matches, and did exactly the same thing that Sandman did far more famously years ago. I have NEVER gotten the hype about Justin.

He couldn’t wrestle more than anything average, he had a gimmicky name and he didn’t look special at all. Yet Paul refused to put RVD on top over him. That makes no sense but it’s Heyman so at times it’s a wonder you can understand what he says let alone what he’s thinking.

ECW Tag Titles: Masato Tanaka/Balls Mahoney vs. Dudley Boys

We got the explanation already….45 minutes ago, but we did indeed get it. Hopefully Joel gets to talk for awhile here as he always makes me at least chuckle. We get Bubba instead, which works fine for me. Joel makes a Mark McGwire reference, which is a lot less awe inspiring now. Screw it. He saved baseball so I don’t care. He has more game than Parker Brothers too. That’s a good line.

The intro is subdued here as I guess taking ten minutes was too much. I’m guessing Rotten is hurt here or something as he’s out with them. It’s another odd tag team here with Tanaka and Mahoney. Yeah they say he has liver and kidney problem. That’s what I was thinking. I love how so many Japanese wrestlers are just from Japan. No town is ever given. It’s just Japan.

Apparently the Louisiana Athletic Commission says no chairs, but they’re going to do it anyway because the big two wishes they could do things like ECW does. I get the idea, but that’s just laughable at this time period. Rotten apparently overrides the athletic commission and chairs are legal. Even though this is a deathmatch, they’re tagging in and out. Somehow this is the most contained match of the night.

I hate nerve holds. It’s more or less a neck massage. If you insist on resting less than five minutes into the match, use a chinlock or something that looks good. Sign from Sign Guy: D-Von Stained Monica’s Dress. D-Von does a People’s Elbow but ends with a headbutt. Keep in mind that earlier on they criticized the Monday shows for stealing moves. I guess a comedy move works here.

We hit the floor and Bubba dives over the top rope to take out the other three. Yep we’re at the messy portion of tonight’s show, but this one is a deathmatch so that’s more understandable. Bubba takes four roaring elbows before going down. The managers and other guys get into it but only with each other so there’s a chance that there won’t be any interference here.

I’ll give them credit: they went an hour and forty minutes with no weapons. That sounds condescending but in reality that’s a very good thing. Over half of the show wasn’t ridiculously violent. Now it was ridiculously overbooked, but the wrestling still happened. The faces take four chair shots to the head each and then Tanaka kicks out of 3D.

AND THE DUDLEYS EXPLODE!!! Why is it that chair shots don’t put people down here? I mean it’s a freaking STEEL CHAIR. There’s strong style and there’s freaking stupidity. In a VERY funny spot, the referee goes down and we have the Dudleys’ evil referee to come in. He fakes the shoulder injury thing, and Tanaka yells at him in Japanese. Jones, the referee, pulls out a Japanese to English dictionary and I lose it. It might be that it’s 3am, but that was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in ECW for some reason.

And now it’s table time. To continue the theme of the night, Van Dam and Sabu run in and put the champions through tables in a cool looking spot. Naturally this is enough for the titles. In other words, a splash/leg drop onto a table, meaning there was less time for RVD or Sabu to get momentum going, was enough to get the pin, but BLASTING THEM IN THE HEAD WITH A METAL CHAIR WASN’T!

Rating: D-. This was crap, plain and simple. It only passes for the dictionary spot which legitimately cracked me up. Seriously, nerve holds, no selling of chair shots, RVD and Sabu running in and all that was just too much for me. They held the belts five days anyway.

The Triple Threat says they’ll win because they’re a team.

We hear about the Triple Threat vs. the three faces tonight.

Ad for the ECW CD.

Justin Credible/Jack Victory vs. Tommy Dreamer/???

This was explained earlier so I’m not redoing it. And the mystery partner is Jake Roberts. Is this supposed to be a bigger deal than Mabel was earlier? Jake is in street clothes here. This is also a deathmatch apparently. Jake is way taller than the rest of the people in the match. He’s also in street clothes for no apparent reason. Justin beats up Tommy for awhile, including a DDT where he doesn’t actually go down with him. Yeah that was weird.

He follows that up like he does any move he does: taunting the crowd. There’s Jason coming in to make us 5/5 for interfering in matches. Yes it’s a manager so it’s a bit of a stretch but still. They go for the Raven drop toehold thing but they get it backwards somehow so Dreamer goes chest first into the back of the chair. That was just odd looking.

Dreamer finally breaks up the momentum with Emerald Frosion, a Misawa move that he had been using for years and I’m sure will now be used on Monday nights also as it’s the Dreamer Driver here. I love double standards. Jake and Dreamer set for double DDTs, but Rod Price and One Man Gang are here to give us a REAL run in. Without knowing what they’re doing here, they would be people seven and eight of Justin’s entourage (Justin, Victory, Nicole Bass, Lance Wright, Chastity, Jason). You think that’s enough???

And here are New Jack and Kronus to beat everyone up with weapons. Yeah this isn’t taking the spotlight off the big celebrity mystery partner or the big feud here at all. You know the song wouldn’t be so annoying if New Jack was actually worth a stupid thing.

Hey they stopped the song when it stopped being about New Jack. There is hope I tell you! Bass runs in and gets a low blow and Jake’s DDT for her troubles to a huge pop. It amazes me that Jake has made a second career out of showing up and hitting a single DDT and nothing else. He gets another on Justin for the pin.

Rating: D+. For once here and I have no idea why, they run ins made sense to me. Well scratch that. I can understand everything with the run ins other than Gang and Price. Now after that New Jack and Kronus make sense as they’re balancing things out. I guess the run ins made sense here, but I’ll say the same things I’ve said all night: what’s the point to it as it’s just overbooking, and second, this is the 5th match and the fifth with a run in.

When you do it that many times, it’s total overkill. Wait…Victory was NEVER IN THE MATCH. Literally, he didn’t get tagged in and Jason kept running in instead. That’s ECW for you I guess. Final thing: how can Credible be considered the hottest thing in wrestling if he never, you know, wins?

And of course Funk is here to beat the heck out of Dreamer while screaming at him to say he’s sorry and that he’s a jerk. Dreamer won’t fight back, which is a touch that I like. This would go on forever but Funk “retired” long enough to go back to WCW to watch it freaking die.

The face team talks. Read as Van Dam talks.

And now Taz breathes heavily and talks about Shane. You know, the guy he’s been talking about for the last 7 months but you know, at the biggest show of the year, we can’t have the epic title change as Shane has to hold the title for another two months to validate his useless existence. Seriously, I do not get this.

This is the big return for Shane. His injuries weren’t enough to take the title off of him, so in other words he’s going to keep the title an extra five months due to injuries and apparently some unspecified reason here.

Triple Threat vs. Sabu/Rob Van Dam/Taz

Triple Threat is Shane, Bigelow and Candido. Sabu has a neck brace on for no apparent reason. I would guess it’s due to him being Sabu. Of course there’s no actual semblance of that pesky tagging or wrestling thing. Yep it’s more brawling. I just saw the dumbest spot I’ve ever seen. Sabu sets the chair up for the triple jump over the ropes. Ok that’s fine. Shane and Bigelow look up as he’s getting to the top rope.

Now at this point, I could actually buy that they simply don’t have time to move. However, he botches the move so THEY STAY THERE WHILE HE RESETS AND DIVES ON THEM. And when I say resets, I mean he staggers on the rope, gets down and jumps again. Yeah, the heels have no issue with just standing there and letting themselves get jumped on. Do you see why this place makes my head hurt? HOLY CRAP they’re tagging!

This is just a huge mess as there’s no point to this match as nothing other than a big pin from Taz on Shane is going to happen, setting up their match probably three months from now. HERE WE GO! Taz vs. Douglas! The showdown that’s been six months….oh of course they mess it up. Instead of seeing them go one on one, we go to a shot of Van Dam balancing himself on a corner before jumping down and then throwing himself at Bigelow.

This place stuns me at times. Oh ok we’re back now. And Van Dam keeps doing flips which we keep cutting to. TAZMISSION!!!!! And Sabu hits an Arabian Facebuster from the top with a chair onto Taz then covers Shane to get the pin.

Rating: F. So let me make sure I have this straight. We’ve spent seven or eight months building to one match: Shane vs. Taz with Taz ending the epic reign of Douglas and taking the belt in a huge moment. Ok, that’s fine. That’s wrestling booking 102 or 103. I’m cool with that. So then Shane gets hurt and has to take off at least three months.

Now here you have a major dilemma and the problem with long and drawn out angles like this: (To be fair though, for a company that has 4 PPVs a year, I can completely understand wanting to wait and draw it out) what if someone gets hurt? Things can change in the interim and that’s what’s happened here. Shane was hurt so the feud was dragged out even longer. Now we get to the dumb part.

Last PPV, held on August 2nd (remember this is on November 1st) Shane announced he would return to the ring at this show. Read as: they had three months of TV to set up whatever match they wanted. And so we just set up Taz vs. Sabu? Why? This makes zero sense, but hey, it’s ECW, so it’s awesome right?

Overall Rating: F+. Did they actually think before they put this show on the air? Again as I’ve said before, it’s like they forgot they had a PPV and just threw it together in two days. This was their Wrestlemania and it’s not like they didn’t know that as Joey says that this is their showcase event to open the show. Nothing of interest happened here.

Mahoney and Tanaka lost the belts less than a week later so the title reign is up there with Volkoff and Sheik taking the belts at Wrestlemania I. This show was just a failure all around, but for some reason there was some little thing I liked about it and for the life of me I can’t put my finger on it, hence the F+. Stay away clearly.

Smackdown
Date: June 17, 2011
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

Final show before Capitol Punishment and the main question here is can Orton actually wrestle on Sunday.  He has a legit concussion and is more or less a game time decision for the PPV.  Other than that it’ll all be the final push towards the PPV, hopefully giving us some more matches as the midcard could use some filling out.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

We open with a video on Christian, talking about his whole title story and ultimately losing the title and his heel turn.  That was a great speech last week as the whole thing worked completely.

Into the arena now and here’s the champ.  After a very long intro, he says he does have a concussion but he doesn’t care.  He’s ready to fight tonight.  And here’s Teddy to say no and that Randy has the night off.  Christian comes out and says he gave Orton the one thing Randy needed: an excuse.  Orton can use that to explain why he loses the title on Sunday, instead of just admitting that Christian is better.

Christian does a quick pole of the audience, which says they want to see Orton win.  Christian goes to leave but here’s Sheamus, saying that he beat Orton last week and deserves the shot.  Christian says Strawberry Shortcake needs to wait his turn.  Christian vs. Sheamus tonight and if the pale one wins, it’s a triple threat on Sunday.

Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan vs. Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase/Wade Barrett

Rematch from Monday here.  DiBiase/Jackston to start us off.  The camera seems to be a bit lower than usual.  DiBiase apparently has set up a Facebook question, asking if Rhodes should help him remake his image.  DiBiase runs from Cara and we take a break.  Back with DiBiase taking over and Cara before bringing in Rhodes.  Cara speeds things up as well as he can but the power of Dusty’s kid takes that down.

Off to Barrett who doesn’t do much before it’s off to DiBiase.  Following clothesline gets two.  Barrett back in now for a bow and arrow to Cara.  Cara tries some kicks but almost gets caught in a pumphandle slam.  Barrett keeps hammering away though and there’s the pumphandle.  Scratch that as it gets countered a second time, this time into a spinning DDT.  Hot tag to Bryan who takes over on DiBiase.  The ending comes out of nowhere and appeared to be botched.  Bryan hit a running dropkick in the corner and DiBiase got his shoulder up but the pin was called at 9:36.  Everyone looked confused.

Rating: C. Eh this was fine.  Just a longer version of what they had on Monday.  No idea why there was almost nothing from Jackson though.  Either way, not bad but just a six man tag.  The ending was kind of weird as Bryan looked at the referee as if to argue but then was told three so he celebrated.  Weird.

Sheamus says he’ll win tonight and on Sunday.

Back and they actually show that the referee messed up.  Interesting.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jinder Mahal

I love when the brand split is tossed out the window.  Mahal’s legs seem to get longer every week.  Mahal dominates for the most part, hitting a jumping knee and a Russian legsweep for two.  Kozlov gets in some shots and the headbutts, but a charge misses and Koz’s shoulder goes into the post.  Khali adds in a shot and the full nelson slam ends this at 2:49.  More or less just a squash.

Here’s Big Show who is a Raw guy isn’t he?  Josh asks him why he’s a Raw guy on Smackdown.  Show says he heard a rumor that Alberto is going to be here.  Show looks annoyed/preoccupied here.  We get a clip of the video about Show and Alberto with the car and all that jazz.  After seeing it, Show says he feels fine but then walks around a bit kind of shaking his head.  He talks about being hit by the car for a second or two and then walks around even madder.

Before he can say anything else, here’s Teddy to say that Show can’t touch Alberto if Alberto shows up.  Apparently Show is possibly facing civil and criminal charges for Show attacking Ricardo on Monday.  If that happens again tonight, Teddy loses his job (pop for that).  Show has a match tonight though, against Mark Henry.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry

Show jumps him before the bell and massacres him, knocking him out cold in maybe 20 seconds.  Not an actual match.  Henry goes out on a stretcher.

Christian says he shouldn’t have to fight tonight and shouldn’t have lost the title in the first place.

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox vs. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ

Kaitlyn vs. Alicia to start but it’s off to Natalya and Tamina quickly.  Down goes Tamina and we get the Mr. Perfect/Bret Sharpshooter counter from Summerslam 91.  Everything breaks down quickly and a Samoan Drop from Tamina ends AJ.

Johnny Curtis putts a golf ball and pulls an ace of spades out of the hole.  Yes, it’s an ace in the hole.

Another Capitol Punishment press conference, the same one from last week.

Usos vs. Justin Gabriel/Heath Slater

Jimmy vs. Slater to start us off.  The former champions take over rather quickly with basic double teaming.  I’m assuming Slater/Gabriel are heels still but I’m not 100% sure.  Apparently they’re both extremists though.  Interesting to know I suppose.  Slater gets caught in a powerslam coming off the top and it’s enough to bring in Jey and Gabriel.  Spinning forearm gets no cover.  Apparently Jey has a tattoo on his chest which is how you tell them apart.  A double Samoan Drop gets two.  That looked awesome too.  Everything breaks down and Jey hits a top rope splash onto Gabriel for the pin at 3:45.

Rating: C+. Some good stuff from the Usos here and we got a good match out of it.  Maybe they’re the new flavor of the month and if so I can’t really complain.  They’re as good as any other tag team right now, which isn’t saying much but it hasn’t in years so there you go.  Not bad with some good stuff from the Samoans.

Video on Truth vs. Cena and Truth’s insanity.

Alberto is actually here and says there is no truth to him coming back to Smackdown due to being afraid of Show on Raw.  We get a clip of the attack on Ricardo on Monday and how Show has lost his mind.  Apparently Ricardo is very hurt and was Alberto’s best friend.  Ricardo will get his revenge and Alberto is dedicating his victory on Sunday to his best friend.  If Show was here, Alberto would spit in his face.  You know what that means, and as the music hits Alberto runs.  Show destroys ringside instead and I mean REALLY destroys it as Alberto watches from the crowd.

Back with a replay of what we just saw.

Christian vs. Sheamus

If Sheamus wins then it’s a three way on Sunday.  Orton of course sits in on this one.  Basic back and forth stuff to start with Sheamus sending him to the floor, right in front of Orton.  After Christian is scared to death by that and Sheamus hits a baseball slide we take a break.  Back with Sheamus hammering away but Christian gets some shots in to take control.

That doesn’t last long though as he walks into the Irish Curse for two and it’s time for some clubberin.  Pretty back and forth stuff here but a slight advantage to Christian at the moment.  Headbutt/splash misses and Sheamus hits a top rope shoulder block for two.  Christian hits the tornado DDT out of the corner for two but a spear fails due to a shot from Sheamus which gets two.

Killswitch doesn’t work and neither does the Brogue Kick.  Killswitch misses again but there’s the pendulum kick.  He goes up which fails and Sheamus chokes him on the top.  Out of absolutely nowhere, Christian snaps Sheamus’ neck down across the top rope which is enough for the pin at 9:04.  Totally random ending.

Rating: C. Didn’t like this for the most part as it didn’t have much time to get anywhere.  The ending hurt it also as there wasn’t anything resembling a build to it either.  It’s like they were told to end it NOW and so they rushed that together.  Also, did anyone really think Christian was losing here?  Really?

Post match Orton chases Christian away and punts Sheamus.

Overall Rating: C+. I wasn’t that huge on this show this week.  There was some ok stuff but for the most part there were too many repeats from Monday and too much stuff that didn’t seem to matter.  They weren’t going to change the PPV main event and there was barely anything between Zeke and Barrett.  There was more good than bad, but this was lackluster for Smackdown.

Results

Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara b. Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett – Dropkick to DiBiase

Jinder Mahal b. Vladimir Kozlov

Tamina/Rosa Mendes/Alicia Fox b. Natalya/Kaitlyn/AJ – Samoan Drop to AJ

Usos b. Heath Slater/Justin Gabriel

Christian b. Sheamus – Clothesline on the top rope

Impact Wrestling
Date: June 16, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

We’re past Slammiversary now and on the way to Victory Road.  Tonight we apparently also begin the Bound For Glory Series which is a competition between 12 people that I guess we’ll hear the details of tonight.  Also we have a new world champion in the form of Mr. Anderson who has a #1 contender in the form of Kurt Angle.  Finally we also get to begin the build for the Victory Road PPV which is an X-Division themed show involving some people being brought in from the past and outside as well.  Let’s get to it.

We open with a highlight package of Slammiversary with post match soundbytes from a lot of the guys.  Jarrett says it’s over with Angle when he says it’s over.

Anderson is here with the title and what looks like a black eye.  There’s a bunch of stuff in the ring such as a basketball goal, a pinball machine, a stripper pole, some food and beer kegs.  This is his championship reception.  Anderson says he doesn’t need anyone in the back or the fans.  There are five people that are important to him: his niece, his wife, me, myself and I.

Here’s Gunner to crash the party.  He talks about how Anderson asked him for help last week and wants a title match as his reward.  Anderson thanks him but says Gunner’s services are no longer required and he wishes him the best in all of his future endeavors.  Gunner has a hick accent.  Anderson says no because there are more deserving people than Gunner.  He’s thirsty apparently and pours a beer for himself which of course goes into Gunner’s face.  Gunner puts him through the table of food to end the segment.

The Bound For Glory series is for the title shot at BFG.  That’s a nice prize.

Sting is here.

D-Von vs. Hernandez

This stems off a match on Xplosion where D-Von beat Anarquia and was beaten down post match, only for Pope to make the save.  Hernandez jumps him to start thanks to Sarita distracting the referee.  D-Von gets a clothesline for two and spears Hernandez coming out of the corner to keep his advantage.

D-Von has slimmed down a bit apparently.  Pope saunters out and sits next to D-Von’s family, allowing Hernandez to roll up D-Von for two.  Thesz Press by D-Von and here’s Mexican America to run in for the DQ at 1:52.  Well this was pointless.  Pope makes the save after D-Von’s sons insist he do so.  They have a weird staredown post match.

Anderson storms into Bischoff’s office and says Eric needs to control Gunner.  Eric says no because Anderson turned down Immortal awhile ago.  It’s Anderson vs. Gunner, presumably tonight.  Ah yes it’s tonight.

Kurt is here with his kids.

After the break here’s Kurt, minus his kids.  Did he leave them with Abyss in daycare or something?  Angle talks about how you don’t just put a gold medal on the line on a whim.  He says that in 1996 he trained very hard and managed to make the Olympic team and even won a gold medal to represent his country.  Angle says he wants to do it again and is trying out for the 2012 Olympic wrestling team at the age of 43.  That’s legit from what I understand.

Here’s Jarrett who says it’s not over yet.  He says this started with a handshake in Pittsburgh so let’s end this tonight.  Jeff says that the company can’t hold both of them.  He wants one more match and doesn’t care if it means leaving the country or moving to Mexico.  Well he is going to be at AAA’s biggest show of the year this weekend so there’s some truth to that.

Angle says Jeff should have more honor than this and needs to just leave.  Jeff apparently says that there was nothing going on with him and Karen and he lied so Jeff’s word means nothing.  If Jeff can get a document together by the end of the show saying he’ll go to Mexico if he loses, Kurt will see him in the parking lot tonight.  The FINAL BATTLE was four days ago right?

We’ll explain the BFG Series next.

Ok so here’s the deal.  There are 12 people in it and the winner is in the BFG Title Match.  Points can be won in any kind of match on any TNA show, including house shows.  Here’s how the scoring works:

Submission: 10 points

Pin: 7 points

Count Out: 5 points

DQ Win: 3 points

Draw: 2 points

DQ Loss: -10 points

The top four compete at an unspecified date and the winner gets the title shot at the biggest show of the year.  RVD vs. Samoa Joe is the first match tonight.

Eric Young is talking to Matt Morgan about how he needs to get ready for his TV Title match tonight.  Morgan says he needs to get ready for the BFG Series.  If any match counts for that, why not beat Young at the same time?  Anyway, Young says it has to be a TV star he faces for the TV Title.  Morgan says an executive producer here used to be on a sitcom so go find him.

Apparently there’s going to be a 12 man tournament with the winner getting a contract at the PPV.

Austin Aries vs. Kid Kash vs. Jimmy Rave

This is part of the aforementioned tournament apparently.  Rave has the way old Christian style see through shirt.  Aries wants a test of strength with either guy.  Next week there are going to be three new X guys apparently.  Aries is sent to the floor and Rave takes over on Kash.  Aries comes back in and that goes nowhere as Kash pulls him to the floor.  Kash tries a springboard but jumps into a spear by Rave for two.  Aries cleans house and sends them both to the floor to set up a suicide dive to take them both out.

BIG Austin Aries chant starts up as it’s pretty clear that he’s the biggest deal here.  Kash takes both guys out with a huge spinning dive.  Back in the ring Kash and Aries slug it out with Kash getting two.  Aries breaks up a Rave cover and plants him with a brainbuster to end this at 4:25.

Rating: B-. Very fast paced match here and it’s pretty clear that Aries is the best guy out there, but at the same time I’m not getting overly excited for this series.  Once a year they build up the X-Division and after that show the whole thing goes back into the regular flow of things.  The matches will certainly be fun though so there’s that to look forward to at least.

Knockout Tag Titles: Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher vs. Sarita/Rosita

Sarita and Velvet start us off.  Mexican America has been sent to the back apparently.  Velvet sends her flying and it’s off to Rosita and Tessmacher.  The challengers dominate for awhile so it’s off to Sarita again.  This is your standard Knockouts match, in that they’re nice to look at but at the same time it’s a lot of yelling and not much on the wrestling.  Tessmacher looks incredible in those little shorts but she can’t wrestle that well at all.  Everything breaks down but as the challengers want a double suplex, here’s ODB to distract Velvet.  The champs double team Tessmacher and a flip splash by Rosita gets the pin at 3:52.

Rating: D. Nothing of note at all here as the whole thing was just to set up more ODB vs. Velvet which is nothing interesting in the slightest.  The girls aren’t incredibly good in the ring but they’re trying at least.  They needed someone in there to anchor this match and it hurt things a lot.

Post match ODB and Velvet yell at each other a lot and here’s Jackie freaking Moore for the double beatdown on Velvet.  Oh joy.  The girls beat up security and Velvet for a long while until they get split up.

Jarrett signs the contract with Hogan for later and Hogan calls him the King of Kings.  Jeff leaves and Sting pops up.  On the 14^th of July it’s the rematch, the show after Destination X.  Sting believes him and Hogan says there’s a history between them that no one knows about.  Sting asks if there’s a shred of the old Hogan left.  Sting rants about Hogan’s legacy in WCW and the catchphrases and Hogan’s legacy that he’s leaving for Brooke and Nick (Hulk’s kids) which sets Hogan off.

Hogan throws him out and Sting freaks out, saying he’s not ready to leave.  He goes insane, yelling at “Terry”, asking if Terry wants to wear a mask.  Sting gets the paint from last week and paints on Hulk’s face while pushing him into the corner.  Sting shouts about making the choice and we finally see Hogan with paint all over his face.  WEIRD segment to say the least.

Jackie and ODB rant about cleaning up the division and Velvet jumps ODB.  This results in the heels yelling a lot and sounding very annoying.

Austin Aries says he’s going to make the X-Division matter again.  Eric Young pops up and tries to start a TV Title match with the interviewer.  He superkicks him and gets a pin with Aries counting.  Oh it was Jason Hervey from the Wonder Years.

Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam vs. Samoa Joe

This is billed as a dream match.  Ok then.  The bell is after a break.  Joe takes over to start but RVD reverses into a body press for two and hits the floor.  Joe catches a slingshot dives into a belly to belly for two in a solid looking spot.  RVD avoids a shot in the corner and hits a spinwheel kick to the face of Joe in the corner.  Monkey flip out of the corner doesn’t work though as Rob lands on the apron, only to get clotheslined across the top to the floor.  Suicide elbow takes RVD out again and Joe is in full control.

They change some reversals in the ring and Joe crushes Rob into the corner.  Joe’s skin is blood red for some reason.  Kick to the back of the head gets two for the Samoan.  Joe fires some LOUD chops but runs into a boot in the corner.  Rob tries a spinning cross body but Joe goes old school and just moves out of the way of it, letting Rob crash.  I love it when he does that.

Knee drop gets two and we hit a modified chinlock.  RVD fights out of it and gets a Stunner to set up a superkick.  Rolling Thunder gets two.  Joe counters a leapfrog of all things but walks into the spin kick of Van Dam’s.  Release Rock Bottom out of the corner takes Rob down again and Joe loads up the Musclebuster.  Rob blocks it so Joe tries a superplex instead.  Van Dam breaks it up and the Five Star ends this at 9:10 to give Rob seven points.

Rating: C+. I liked this actually as both guys did a decent job out there.  Once they got past the first few minutes things got going a bit better and it became a big match showdown which is what these two should be having.  Also nice to see a match get some time tonight as that’s normally a perk and it was here.

Gunner is getting medical attention from earlier and says he doesn’t like anyone.

Gunner vs. Mr. Anderson

Gunner has Bischoff with him but Bischoff heads to the back rather quickly.  Non-title here.  Interesting note about Anderson here as his first title match is on July 14, meaning there won’t be a world title match at Destination X.  After a brief run around outside Anderson gets that neckbreaker of his for two.  Off to the chinlock about 90 seconds in with the champion in control.  Anderson has a bit of a gut on him.

More shots to the back of the head and then Anderson just hammers away.  He slams Gunner but misses a Swanton Bomb.  Gunner fights back and gets a belly to back suplex for two.  There’s a big bandage on Gunner’s nose so I guess he got cut from the cup earlier.  Rolling fireman’s carry slam gets two for Anderson so he hammers away a bit more.  And now Anderson calls down the mic.  He announces that he’s still world champion and walks into the F5 for the pin at 8:45.

Rating: C-. Didn’t really get into this and the ending really hurt it I think.  I get that Anderson is cocky but why would he be that arrogant?  Also really not a fan of having the world champion lose in his first match.  I will give them credit for pushing some new young guys though in the form of Crimson and Gunner, so there’s certainly that.

Steiner vs. Ray next week in a BFG match.  Steiner rants about not knowing how to do anything other than beat people up.  He has no sugar for Ray and can’t play the guitar either.  This is one of those so insane it’s funny promos from Steiner.

Ray says not to crack jokes.  This match has the potential to be either the biggest trainwreck of all time or a pretty awesome brawl.

Time for the parking lot brawl with the circle of cars and wrestlers out there.  Do you win by pin I guess?  Angle takes him down with relative ease and hammers him.  This is shot like a fight instead of a match and Angle grabs an armbreaker.  Jeff fights out of it and it’s almost all Kurt so far.  Jeff sends him into a car and Ray yells him on.

Jeff says he’ll never leave TNA (again) and tells Kurt to go to train for the Olympics before hitting the Stroke on the concrete.  Angle gets up as Jeff leaves and they go at it some more.  Angle Slam onto a car and Angle chokes him with his shirt.  “Say adios Jarrett!”  Jeff is done and Angle leaves.  Ray says Jeff enver gave up.  Jarrett wakes up and says adios to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Well you certainly can’t say that they didn’t throw a lot at us here.  I really didn’t like the middle section with the girls yelling and the Sting/Hogan thing.  Not that segment didn’t grab my attention and get incredibly intense because it did, but it probably leads to Hogan vs. Sting and there’s no way that’s going to be worth seeing.  Not a huge fan of this show, but they were certainly trying which I can definitely give them point for.  The two tournaments going on at once are a stretch, but it could be more of the same I guess, which means this is a better alternative.

Results

D-Von b. Hernandez via DQ when Mexican America interfered

Austin Aries b. Jimmy Rave and Kid Kash – Brainbuster to Rave

Rosita/Sarita b. Velvet Sky/Miss Tessmacher – Flip Splash to Tessmacher

Rob Van Dam b. Samoa Joe – Five Star Frog Splash

Gunner b. Mr. Anderson – F5

NXT
Date: June 14, 2011
Location: Dunkin Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

Tonight is week fifteen, matching the longest season (season 1) of this show so far.  With the recent arrest of Lucky Cannon, there’s a chance he’s gone tonight.  That was definitely shocking news.  Not that he got arrested.  It was shocking that someone actually knew who he was.  My money is on someone not named O’Brian going home tonight because someone hates me.  Anyway let’s get to it.

The opening video is about Lucky Cannon and his interaction with Maryse over the course of the season.  Also last week the $3,500 purse Cannon got her was destroyed thanks to that pesky leprechaun.  If that was read out of context, it might make you think wrestling fans are really stupid for watching this product.  By reading it in context, we know for fact that they’re stupid for watching this.

Maryse brings out the rookies.  Oh and Striker is there with her.  Cannon is here with a different coat.  O’Brian is here with no apparent reason.  Young is here with the hair that will not die.  O’Neil is here with no Pro due to the attack by Truth last night.  Wait Striker just said eliminations, as in PLURAL!!!  Oh I’m all aflutter now.  The Redemption standings are as follows: O’Neil has nearly double what the other three combined have.  Maryse dashes my hopes by saying it’s just one elimination tonight.

The challenge is Talk the Talk and you get thirty seconds to say who should be eliminated.  Cannon says O’Neil for riding the coattails of his pro.  He has no charisma and won’t draw money.  The show is all about him apparently.  O’Neil makes fun of Cannon’s robe and says he’s smart.  Cannon has won nothing apparently and is just running behind Maryse.  Can you blame him though?  Still a bad promo, but far better than anything O’Neil has ever said.

O’Brian says Young should be gone because he’s had his opportunity already.  Young blew his chance and has already main evented Summerslam.  That’s a very good point and proof why Young either should be on the main roster or should be fired, depending on where you stand.  Young says he’s the best and that they should just give him the crowd now.  YES!  LISTEN TO THIS MAN!  Young jumps O’Brian and leaves.  Think that’s our main event?  We do the judging and Young gets the loudest pop actually but they call it a tie with O’Neil.  O’Neil does clearly get the biggest pop on the second try so I can live with that.

Darren Young vs. Yoshi Tatsu

This has the potential to not suck.  Tatsu works on the arm a lot and that’s about it for the start of this.  Remember when Tatsu was this hot thing on ECW?  How in the world has he fallen that far that fast?  We’re three and a half minutes into this now and there’s been nothing but the arm work so far.  Tatsu fires off some chops in the corner so Young punches him in the face.

Dropkick sends Young to the floor but he catches a DDT on the apron to Tatsu to take over.  Here comes JTG as we take a break.  Back with Young holding a front facelock and JTG is on commentary now.  Regal gets on JTG about various things and it stuns me that people actually liked JTG at some point.  Chinlock goes on by Young as this isn’t incredibly interesting.

Regal and JTG do their usual schtick and it’s kind of funny as always.  Young hits the chinlock some more to waste even more time.  How is it possible that this show is already halfway over?  Tatsu breaks the hold and takes Young down to start his comeback.  Some kicks abound and up he goes.  And speaking of go, there goes my feed.  By the time it’s back Yoshi is hammering away with nothing but strikes.  What a shock.  Double knees in the corner and a spinwheel kick get two.  Shining Wizard gets two.  Yoshi goes up but Chavo distracts him, allowing Young to pull him off the top for the pin at approximately 13:50.

Rating: D+. Based on just what I saw, this was pretty weak.  There’s no real point to having these guys fight and that’s what makes this show not work.  They can have these pointless matches all they want but the matches get really dull after awhile.  Tatsu and Young have no reason to fight and that becomes apparent after 12 minutes of them fighting.  Weak match and boring to boot.

Maryse tells Lucky that her purse can be repaired.  Lucky says he’ll take care of it and she says she gave the purse fixers Lucky’s credit card.  Ok then.

Titus O’Neil vs. Lucky Cannon

Pre-match, Cannon promises to beat up Horny when he gets back.  Power vs. speed for lack of a better term here.  Titus throws him around so Cannon runs.  In old school heel fashion, Cannon gets a shot in to Titus as he comes back in and takes over.  Apparently O’Neil is distracted due to the lack of small green clothed men.  I give up.  Legdrop gets two for Cannon.  Chinlock goes on and the fans aren’t all that thrilled.  Lucky does the dog bark as this needs to end.  Titus starts his comeback and hits a clothesline and there’s the dog bark.  Clash of the Titus ends this at 6:46.

Rating: D+. Well this match happened.  That’s about all there is to say here.  O’Neil is a good power guy and probably has done the best this season, which means he probably won’t win.  Weak match here which has been a theme tonight so far.  I’m not thrilled with this show at all as you can probably tell.  The problem is the same as earlier: how many times can we see these people have matches?  It gets really annoying really fast and it did about three months ago.

In one of the only funny lines of the night, Todd says elimination is next.  “One of these four superstars’ dreams are crushed tonight and it’s all your fault WWE Universe!”

Elimination time and Lucky is gone in 4^th place.  The reactions are great here, with Striker looking STUNNED.  No real shock due to what happened this weekend (he was arrested for impersonating a police office of all things) but rather annoying because O’Brian is STILL around.  Hopefully this ends soon though.  Lucky says he should be on Smackdown instead of on here and Titus leads us in the goodbye song.  Maryse says she appreciates the stuff but the purse was a fake and slaps Lucky to end the show.

Overall Rating: D. I really didn’t like this week as the in ring stuff is right back to where it was a few weeks ago.  Somehow they fit about twenty minutes into this show which is rather impressive for a 50 minute show, and will likely approach Impact in terms of overall ring time.  Not much here at all this week and another boring show.

Results

Titus O’Neil won the Talk the Talk Challenge

Darren Young b. Yoshi Tatsu – Slam off the top rope

Titus O’Neil b. Lucky Cannon – Clash of the Titus

Lucky Cannon was eliminated in 4^th place

Monday Night Raw
Date: June 13, 2011
Location: Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Long Island, New York
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole

This is a three hour show and billed as WWE All-Stars.  The guest GM for the night is Steve Austin so expect some extra fans to be brought in because of him.  It’s also the final show before Capitol Punishment so the final push towards that should happen tonight.  Cena and Truth will probably interact a good deal tonight which should be entertaining.  Let’s get to it.

Cena vs. Punk in the main event.  Oh joy.  The graphics are from the All-Stars game.

Here’s Miz to open the show looking awesome as usual.  Miz says he’s the all time WWE All-Star because he won in the main event on the flagship show last week.  Then again you would have to be a moron to know that.  You know, like Alex Riley.  The crowd does the WHAT thing and Miz makes fun of them for it, saying it was cool in 2001.  No it wasn’t but we’ll let that slide.

Miz calls out Austin and wants to know why every time he looks up there’s Austin or Rock or someone from the Attitude Era trying to steal his spotlight.  Austin owes him an apology apparently and here he is.  Austin gets in his face about his suit and his hair and various other things.  The night the Tough Enough cast debuted Miz came out here and ran his mouth, talking all kinds of trash.

Austin actually gives him some credit for being a silver tongued devil.  Miz tries to say something but Austin cuts him off, saying stop talking while Austin has something to say.  Austin talks about Alex Riley and says that he’s got something, saying that he might be a bigger star than Miz someday.  Miz wants to know if he can talk yet and Austin says no.  Austin asks if Miz is going to take Riley out on Sunday and then grabs him by the tie, saying that Miz and Riley need counseling.  Austin is going to provide it tonight with one Rowdy Roddy Piper tonight in this very ring.

Austin turns away slightly and says if Miz knows what’s good for him he’ll get out of here right now.  Miz backs off slowly and Austin slowly turns around on him, saying that it’s not Miz’s time to be a hero.  Miz finally leaves to solid heat.  Here’s Alberto in wrestling gear to cut off Austin again.  Del Rio does his usual intro and says it’s time for Austin to pass the torch to Del Rio.

He talks about destiny of course and Austin isn’t all that impressed.  He says he’s not much of a fortune teller but says that he sees bad things for Del Rio in the future.  Ever since Del Rio injured Big Show with his car, Del Rio has had everyone ready to bash Del Rio’s skull in, so tonight the opening match is Del Rio vs. Kane.

Kane vs. Alberto Del Rio

The bell is after the break.  Kane takes over to start and gets his low dropkick for two.  Del Rio goes straight for the arm of course, hitting the Codebreaker to the arm.  Kane fights out of an arm hold and goes up for the clothesline but crash lands.  Del Rio gets the cross armbreaker but can’t hook it all the way and Kane gets to the rope.  Del Rio holds onto it for the five count and the DQ at 2:50.  Not much at all here.

Alberto still won’t let go and here’s Big Show, SPRINTING to the ring to take out Alberto.  Del Rio runs so Show kills Ricardo.  Kane has to choke Big Show to get him to let go.  Austin pops up to make Big Show vs. Del Rio at the PPV.

Ricardo was taken away on a stretcher during the break.

Cody Rhodes/Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase vs. Sin Cara/Ezekiel Jackson/Daniel Bryan

They to the light again as Cara and Rhodes start.  Off to Bryan quickly though who hammers on Rhodes.  The former Legacy takes Bryan down and here comes Barrett for a battle of Nexus.  Cole keeps ignoring Lawler’s jokes which might be in the best interest for all involved.  Barrett gets a crescent kick to the ribs and a pumphandle slam for two on Bryan.  Barrett drills Cara but Bryant gets the hot tag to run through Barrett.

Here come the slams which are starting to grow on me.  They’re so basic but they look good and convincing.  Torture Rack goes on but Legacy comes in for the double team save.  Jackson tosses them over the top and tosses Bryan on top of them.  Jackson takes Barrett down again and here’s Cara.  Slingshot crossbody ends this at 3:45.  Cara might have been legal for 10 seconds total.

Rating: C. Pretty basic here and they kept Cara out of the ring on a live show which more or less can’t be a bad thing at all.  He needs an actual story rather than just going out there and doing random high spots.  Either way, this was fine for what it was, which was just a way to get the Smackdown midcard on the show.

Back and here’s Horny firing t-shirts to the crowd using a cannon.  And here’s R-Truth to end that.  They’re all little Jimmy and Jennys apparently.  He wants to try but he’s going to become the new champion on Sunday.  Horny shoots him with a shirt and that doesn’t work.  Truth grabs him and….hugs him.  Ok then.  Truth shakes his hand and KICKS HIM IN THE FACE.  Awesome!  Truth does his psycho talking to Horny and here’s Austin on the big screen.  Truth has a match later with John Morrison!  He’s back!  Truth stomps on Horny again and leaves.  Lawler comes in to check on the leprechaun.

Santino Marella vs. Sheamus

The bell rings very quickly with no entrance for either guy.  Santino fires some kicks off to get Sheamus into the corner.  Not that any of them hit but he’s trying at least.  Sheamus takes his head off with a clothesline and hammers away, getting another clothesline for two.  Cravate goes on for a bit and then Sheamus rams him into the buckle.

Santino Italians Up and that gets him nowhere, other than in the path of another clothesline.  High Cross doesn’t work and he loads up the Cobra.  Brogue Kick misses and Santino gets the Cobra!  Naturally it gets like one and the Brogue Kick hits before Sheamus puts on a Texas Cloverleaf for the submission at 2:50.  Not much, but cool to see a new finisher.

Orton is up next.

We get the same video from Smackdown of Christian drilling Orton with the title.

Here’s Orton to a fairly tame reaction.  And Orton’s mic doesn’t work.  He wants Christian here right now and that he only wants to talk.  He won’t punt him or try an RKO.  All he wants to do is talk.  Orton says don’t make him come back there.  He might go to the papers otherwise.

Christian pops up on the screen and says he’s earned his spot, unlike Orton who has had everything thrown on him.  He polls the fans, asking if they want him to come out here.  The fans cheer, so of course he’s not coming.  Orton says Edge isn’t here which is a shame.  Edge has been carrying Christian for 17 years so he could carry him to the ring.

That seems to be enough and here comes Christian in a new shirt.  Here he is in the arena but he stops on the ramp.  Orton goes after him but Christian makes the save.  There’s an E-Mail which says Orton has a concussion apparently.  He won’t wrestle tonight so the GM says go home.  If Orton doesn’t chill he’s stripped of the title.  Randy tries one more charge at Christian but leaves.  It wasn’t a big charge so it’s ok I guess.  Austin pops up on the screen and makes Christian vs. Rey Mysterio next.

Christian vs. Rey Mysterio

Booker jumps in on commentary here.  Mysterio vs. Punk on Sunday.  Haven’t we seen that a lot recently?  I guess that’s the rubber match in this mini-series so it makes sense.  Rey speeds things up to start and sends Christian down with a headscissors.  And never mind as Rey takes him down with a clothesline to take over.  Off to the chinlock which doesn’t last long.  Christian sends Rey over the top and to the floor as we take a break.

Back with Christian holding a chinlock as Rey tries to fight his way up.  Christian goes into the corner and steps on Rey….and it’s a DQ?  The bell rang at 5:40 but seriously, what the heck was that?  I’d bet on a legit accident because that made zero sense at all.  Christian goes after Rey post match but Rey knocks him off the top and sets for a splash, but here comes Punk.  Rey dives on him instead and here’s Nexus.  Rey avoids the Killswitch and knocks Christian down.  619 to Christian is blocked by Ryan who kills him by ramming him into the post and hitting a backbreaker.  Killswitch leaves Rey laying.

Rating: C. Call this right in the middle because the majority of it was in the commercial.  I’d bet on this being a mistake.  Either that or this was really stupid booking.  It felt so completely random and the post match stuff seemed like they were trying to fill in time.  I don’t get this at all but it wasn’t that bad.  I guess they want to protect both guys which makes sense at least.

Austin is on the phone when Vickie and Dolph come up.  She shouts EXCUSE ME at him and asks for a US Title shot for Dolph on Sunday.  Austin says ok on one condition: he drops Vickie as his associate.  Dolph doesn’t want to do it but Austin goes into a speech about DiBiase being his manager and Dolph reluctantly drops him.  Austin says he’s just having fun with them and leaves while Vickie makes funny noises.  So are they split up or not?

R-Truth vs. John Morrison

We get a quick recap of Morrison being injured by Truth.  And there’s no Morrison.  The music plays again and there’s no Morrison.  Truth says get out here and says Morrison need to unscare himself.  Truth says he’ll bring the fight to Morrison and goes into the back.  To the back we go and someone is out cold.  SHAZAM!  It’s Morrison, still down and holding his neck.  Maybe he’s not back yet.  Truth says all the Little Jimmys came here to see a great match.  Truth leaves and then comes back, crushing Morrison with an anvil case.  Truth has the funniest psycho face you’ll ever see as we go to break.

Video on Dolph Ziggler before his match.

Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne vs. Kofi Kingston

No pyro for Swagger’s pushups.  Vickie is with Dolph here so I guess they’re still together.  Dolph and Kofi start us off.  Kofi jumps around a lot and hits a jumping back elbow yet somehow it’s Dolph getting the cover.  Odd indeed.  Off to Swagger who gets a belly to belly for two.  Vader Bomb misses though and it’s off to Bourne.

Bourne gets some sweet jumping shots and a rollup on Swagger gets two but there’s the ankle lock.  Evan rolls through it, only for Dolph to grab his foot.  Bourne kicks him in the head while Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to Swagger.  Picture perfect Air Bourne ends this at 2:55.  Just a quick match and not enough to grade but this was fine.

Back and it’s time for Piper’s Pit.  Yep, Piper is drunk.  Piper talks about Mania 2 where he dropped Mr. T in this ring.  Here’s Miz to say really.  Miz says he’s the next Piper, Piper says there’s never going to be another Roddy Piper.  Piper calls Miz a Roddy Piper wannabe which Miz denies, saying at least he’s been WWE Champion.  He also actually won in the main event of Wrestlemania.

Miz says he was on Real World and makes fun of They Live.  Piper says he never saw Real World because he was busy living in the Real World.  Piper says let’s talk about the future, like this Sunday.  Here’s Riley, who says that Miz never was his friend.  Piper says that gave him self respect.  Miz points out the hypocrisy of Piper getting annoyed with someone for that when he mistreated Bob Orton for all those years.

Gorilla Monsoon, King Kong Bundy, Mean Gene are all in the bottom of a well so who do you save first?  Miz has no idea what Piper is talking about.  “Just when you think you got all the answers, I CHANGE THE QUESTIONS!”  That was great.  Piper says Riley beating him will be AWESOME.  Riley says Piper can beat Miz right now.  Miz says he’ll put up $1000 that he can beat Piper right now.  Piper gets all nervous due to the age and says how about $5000?  Austin pops up and says do it.  Both guys are putting up five grand and Alex Riley is guest referee.  Hilarious as well as good segment here.

Roddy Piper vs. The Miz

Piper is in tights and a t-shirt while Miz is in street clothes.  Miz hammers away and Piper gets a sleeper.  Riley pulls him off and here they go.  Piper grabs a schoolboy for the pin at 1:06.

Some Divas are going to be on the Price is Right.

Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina vs. Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn

If this goes past two minutes I’ll be stunned.  Kelly and Brie start but it’s off to Melina or Rosa and there’s the big brawl almost immediately.  Kelly hits the K2 on Rosa and we’re done at 1:25.  Three out of the fourteen were actually legal.

Post match Eve gets on the mic and says the Tony Awards (Broadway) were in New York last night.  They get in a line and to the Rockette kicks.  This was totally pointless.

We recap the ending to Tough Enough last week where Vince Slapped Andy and Austin stunned him.  Andy is in the back with Austin and they share a beer.  Punk comes in and makes fun of Andy.  Austin asks Andy to leave and offers Punk a beer.  They do the WHAT sequence over various types of alcohol.  Punk wants to give Austin a breathalyzer.  Punk: “Can you say the alphabet backwards?”  Austin: “I can whip you backwards.”  Huge pop for that.  No Nexus at ringside tonight.

Here’s Austin for a major announcement.  He thanks the crowd but is cut off by an E-Mail.  Cole sounds scared to death to have to read it.  Austin is sick of the GM, who says that all good things must come to an end.  The anonymous GM will be back next week on Raw.  Austin’s watch says there’s some time left so as of right now he’s still the GM.

Next week Austin won’t be the GM but next week there will be another three hour Raw and next week it’s all about the power of the people.  They’ll make all the matches and stipulations, I guess like Viewer’s Choice from when Bret was GM last year.  The GM keeps sending E-Mails and Austin gets ticked off so he chases Cole off.  DOWN GOES THE COMPUTER!  He pours beer on it and runs over it with the ATV before leaving.  Oh wait he’s back to have some beers.

Capitol Punishment ad with the press conference thing.  This one is Smackdown themed.  The jokes are kind of funny but at the same time the idea to get them here is really old.

CM Punk vs. John Cena

There’s a five minute overrun tonight apparently so this has a good deal of time.  Punk sits down in the middle of the ring after his entrance.  This is the first time we’ve seen Cena all night and he gets a solid reaction but it’s mainly booing.  The dueling chants are going strong quickly.  Punk goes behind Cena and that gets him nowhere.  Punk tries the GTS and Cena tries the AA but neither work and it’s a stalemate.  Cena tries the fisherman’s suplex and gets countered into being draped over the ropes as we take a break.

Back with Cena hammering away but walking into an old school abdominal stretch.  Oh and Cole is back on commentary.  Punk hits a huge dive to the floor and then with a Savage point to the roof he hits something that kind of almost resembled a double axe.  Off to a bodyscissors which Cena reverses into the STF but he can’t make it last as Punk gets the rope.  Leg lariat gets two for Punk.

Punk keeps his advantage, hitting the clothesline in the corner.  Cena reverses the bulldog though and sets the ending sequence.  He tries the shoulder block and Punk uses one of his Zen counters that he learned in his tours of Japan by calling on his ancient martial arts training: he ducks, sending Cena flying to the floor.  Why don’t more people get that?  Cena does the same to the springboard clothesline and both guys are down.  Cena starts his comeback and hits the Protoplex but here’s Truth to annoy a fan.  He offers a sip of water for the fan’s hat.  The distraction lets Punk hit the GTS for the pin at 14:00.

Rating: B. Good match here for the most part with Punk finally getting the pin that he’s never gotten (I don’t think at least) over Cena.  His reaction post match helped it a lot as he looked like he was a kid on Christmas morning.  Good stuff here between two guys that definitely have chemistry together.

Truth hits Cena with the bottle of water post match and takes the belt with him after talking some trash.

Overall Rating: C+. This wasn’t great to say the least but it wasn’t too bad.  It certainly drags at times and I really don’t get the point of the All-Stars aspect, but they needed something to fill in the Draft show that they were probably scheduled to have here.  Not horrible but at the same time there really was no need to make this a three hour show.  I’ve seen worse though, and they pushed the PPV a lot.  Not terrible, but really nothing all that great.

Results

Kane b. Alberto Del Rio via DQ when Del Rio wouldn’t break the cross armbreaker

Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan b. Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes – Springboard Crossbody to Barrett

Sheamus b. Santino Marella – Texas Cloverleaf

Rey Mysterio b. Christian via DQ when Christian would not stop choking Mysterio

Evan Bourne/Kofi Kingston b. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler – Air Bourne to Swagger

Roddy Piper b. The Miz – Schoolboy

Kelly Kelly/Eve Torres/Gail Kim/Natalya/Beth Phoenix/AJ/Kaitlyn b. Tamina/Alicia Fox/Rosa Mendes/Maryse/Bella Twins/Melina – K2 to Mendes

CM Punk b. John Cena – GTS