Smackdown
Date: May 27, 2011
Location: Spokane Veterans Memorial Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We’re past Over the Limit now and it should be interesting to see where this goes.  After the rather awesome Christian vs. Orton match it’s possible they could go for a third match there but at the same time Orton has won twice clean so maybe it’ll be time for someone else to step in.  Other than that though I’m really not sure what to expect as we gear up for Capitol Punishment.  Let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy?  TNA’s seems to be wrestling.

Here’s the champ to open the show.  He says he’s Randy Orton and he is still world heavyweight champion.  And that’s all he can get out because here’s Christian.  He doesn’t want to spoil Orton’s moment but Sunday was a great match so thanks and congratulations.  That’s what fruit baskets were invented for Christian.  The match could have gone either way but Christian knows he can beat him.  He wants to issue a challenge for one more match for the title.

Before we get an answer here’s Sheamus.  He wants to know how much Christian needs because he’s acting like an obsessive gambler.  Christian is going to have to wait another seventeen years because on Sunday he became a two time loser.  Sheamus however is a two time champion and he’s here to face guys like Orton for the title.  If anyone is becoming #1 contender, it’s him.

Cue Mark Henry because someone up there hates me.  Christian needs to join Edge on the retirement golf course and Sheamus needs to stop butting in.  As for Orton, Henry says he (Henry) has just butted his way to the front of the line for that championship.  Teddy comes out and asks the fans what they want to see.  They cheer the idea of Christian vs. Orton 3 but Teddy makes a triple threat for the #1 contender spot.

Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero

The lights change again and it’s lost its luster I think.  Cole talks about Cara being ungrateful to Chavo and the other announcers blast him.  Chavo gets sent to the floor so Cara teases a dive.  Back in a double knee to the chest of Cara takes him down and a belly to back gets two.  Off to a key lock but an attempt at a Gory Special is blocked.  Cara sends him to the floor and hits a big old dive to take over again.

Springboard rana back in the ring by Cara and he adds a high angle reverse elbow off the middle rope as we speed things up.  Booker talked to Cara apparently and Cara is a big fan.  Top rope cross body gets two as Cole gets all sarcastic again.  The crowd thinks Chavo sucks as he avoids the Tajiri elbow.

Now we get to see what Cara was trying to get on Sunday as he comes around like a crucifix into a headscissors and then back around to Chavo’s shoulder.  Then he slams Chavo down almost into the position for a Crossface but it slams Chavo’s head into the mat for a pin at 4:46.  Not liking that one but it’s not bad I guess.

Rating: C. Far better than their match Sunday but they really need to do something with Cara already.  We can only watch him come in, do some high spots, get in trouble a bit and come back to win with whatever he finishes with that week so many times.  There’s no real story to any of his matches and no real point to what he does.  It’s not bad, but it’s gotten repetitive already, which isn’t good.  The dives are good enough to make something out of, but not in this format.

Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan

This is why I love the midcard stuff: there are so many combinations you can throw out there just like this one.  No Ted here.  Cody says if he didn’t know better he’d be convinced there’s no God because everywhere he goes he prays that he’ll see an attractive face but every time he’s disappointed.  He does the bagging thing and gets in a good line of “Shut up and bag yourselves!”  Bryan’s music cuts him off.

This is near Bryan’s hometown so he gets the big pop.  Bryan speeds things up to start us off and Cody actually tries some technical stuff with him.  Bryan is like dude just no and takes out the knees.  They trade hip toss attempts and Cody finally takes over, tossing Bryan to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Bryan making a comeback but getting caught with a kick between the legs to the stomach ala Hardcore Holly.

Cody throws on a Crossface Chickenwing (what is up with people using that move anymore) and calls a spot to Bryan.  He takes the hold to the mat in a full version and rams the mask into the back of Bryan’s head.  Bryan escapes and makes his comeback with strikes as Booker says this would be a breakout win for Bryan.  Even Cole corrects him so you can tell Booker screwed up there.

Bryan gets a missile dropkick for a long two.  Cody sends him into the middle buckle for two.  Bryan grabs a rollup for two.  This is moving as fast as it sounds.  In a SWEET spot, Bryan does his backflip out of the corner but Cody runs underneath him and hits his rope walking spin kick to take Bryan down.  Cross Rhodes is countered into the LeBell Lock (which Bryan put on a bit differently it seemed, twisting Cody’s forearm around too) for the tap out at 6:04 shown of 9:34.

Rating: B. I rather liked this.  It’s good to see Bryan get a win here as he could certainly be a solid midcard guy if not made to be a jobber.  Cody looked like he got caught rather than beaten which is a good way to end it for both guys, especially after a long and competitive match.  No complaints here at all as this was a quite good match.

Post match Cody beats up Bryan, hitting Cross Rhodes and giving him a paper bag.

Here’s the Obama press conference thing again.  It wasn’t funny the first time and it’s stupid by this point.

Heath Slater vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Booker goes WAY old school by mentioning the One Man Gang and Devastation Inc, saying Jackson is both.  He’s Inc?  As in I can buy stock in him?  Slater tries to use speed and that doesn’t work well in the slightest.  Jackson keeps throwing Slater around so Slater keeps charging at him.  Well he is from West Virginia.  Here come the slams and after only two of them there’s the Rack.  And there’s Corre for the DQ at 2:37.  I’d assume this will lead to a gimmick match of some kind…..gauntlet maybe?  Jackson fights them off this time.  Somehow they work bullying into this.  I’m so fed up with that I’m out of jokes for it.

Christian says he was the last one picked for kickball but at the end of the game he’d kick more home runs that anyone.  Apparently he was a Canadian Kickball Champion four times in a row.  He was the last one of his friends to hit puberty but when he hit prom he had the prettiest girlfriend in the school.  He was also the last person anyone thought would reach the top of WWE but he did it, and he’s going to do it again.  I’d have put that on someone like Shawn Stasiak but ok.

Great Khali vs. Kane

Before the match we get a recap of Jinder Mahal smacking Khali last week and making him all evil again.  Singh is here again this week.  This is billed as the Monsters’ Brawl.  Khali overpowers him to start, taking him into the corner.  He chokes away, kind of wrestling heel here.  Off to the nerve hold as I guess 1:40 of action was too much for Khali.  That’s getting into Dusty territory there.  Big chop misses and they both grab for chokeslams.  Khali sends him to the floor but Kane guillotines him on the top rope and the flying clothesline ends this at 2:33.  No rating but this was pretty bad, even for a battle of the giants.

Mahal comes out again, this time with music that is similar to Khali’s original song.  He yells at Khali more and smacks him before going after Singh.  Khali defends his brother but then puts the vice grip on Singh. Khali is a bully now.  For the love of all things good and holy, FIND SOMETHING NEW TO MAKE PEOPLE HEELS!

We get a clip from Raw of Show being injured.  Apparently he’s going to need several weeks of rehab.

Booker is in the ring, complete with some theme music.  He wants Cole to get into the ring which Cole begrudgingly does.  Booker wants to talk about the Kiss My Foot match and we get a clip of the toe being in his mouth.  Booker says he was just playing and puts his arm around an annoyed Cole.  He starts a Kiss My Feet chant and that’s it for this segment.  Uh yeah…because this warranted TV time.

Sheamus doesn’t want to answer Striker’s questions but says he’s tired of hearing about Christian winning the title and Henry has won a total of nothing since he’s been here.  Sheamus won his first world title in a few months, which is very true.

After a clip of Kharma’s breakdown on Raw, it’s time for a tag match.

Alicia Fox/Tamina vs. AJ/Kaitlyn

AJ!!!  Seriously, that girl is too cute for words.  Natalya is with the NXT chicks.  We get an inset clip of them talking as Kaitlyn doesn’t like Tamina/Alicia because there are too many A’s in their names.  AJ vs. Alicia to start us off and that doesn’t last long as it’s off to Kaitlyn.  She’s downright passable in the ring now which is a miracle by comparison.  Kaitlyn gets a side slam for two and everything breaks down.  Never mind though as Alicia gets the axe kick to Kaitlyn and we’re done at 1:37.  That was the only major move the heels hit the entire time.

Henry says he’ll win and he’s NOT boring or irrelevant.

Macho Man tribute video.  That’s the only one that has ever gotten to me.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry vs. Christian

Winner gets Orton next week apparently and not at Capitol Punishment.  Booker picks Sheamus.  Everyone goes at it at once to start but the monsters take Christian down quickly.  Cole is being a jerk again here and picks Sheamus also.  The double teaming continues but Christian slides to the floor.  Sheamus goes after him but is sent into the steps.  I’ll give him this: Sheamus isn’t a cowardly heel.  That’s a big plus for him.

Henry takes over on Christian with his basic variety of move, standing on his chest.  The referee can be heard saying he can’t break it because there are no rules and therefore no counting.  Sheamus pops back in and rolls up Christian for two as Henry is knocked down to the floor.  Sheamus sets for the Brogue Kick but Christian hits the Killswitch out of nowhere, only for Henry to make the save.

Here comes Orton after about three and a half minutes and we take a break.  Back with Henry pounding on Christian.  Josh makes an interesting comment that this is Henry and Christian against Sheamus.  Bear hug to the Canadian but Sheamus comes back in.  The monsters go at it until Henry grabs a belly to belly and heaves Sheamus back out to the floor.  Cool looking move.

Christian is taken down by Henry just ramming into him which gets two.  Christian avoids a drop down and hits a pair of middle rope dropkicks to take the big fat tub of goo down.  Sheamus pops up to take Christian down off the top and then hammers on Sheamus.  He’s an equal opportunity heel I guess.  Christian and Sheamus hammer away at each other on the top and down goes the pale one, but Christian jumps into a World’s Strongest Slam for two.

Booker says we’re like 18 minutes into this.  By my math it’s more like 12 but when has wrestling ever had adequate watches?  Henry is sent to the floor and the High Cross (name changed again) is countered into a pendulum kick.  Tornado DDT gets two.  Henry takes out Orton for no apparent reason but gets sent into Sheamus by Christian.  Spear takes down Sheamus but Orton comes in for an RKO to Henry.  The distraction lets Sheamus kick out and Christian yells at the referee just long enough to let Sheamus kick his head off for the pin at 11:38 shown of 15:08.

Rating: B-. Not too bad here as they kept Sheamus kind of in the middle and gave us a nice surprise at the end.  This not being for the PPV title shot is a nice touch as it’ll probably set up Christian running in to set up Christian vs. Orton III at Capitol Punishment.  Either way, not bad at all here with a decent triple threat match, even though I’m beyond sick of them.

Overall Rating: B. I liked it here as Smackdown continues their no nonsense road (more often than not) which works rather well.  A key thing to Smackdown: their pacing is great.  You never go more than about five minutes between matches and even though they’re short, they all have a point and address something else.  They had six matches, same as Impact, two of which didn’t last two minutes, and yet they had more wrestling and nothing stupid.  It’s the difference in how you run a TV show and the differences are striking.  Pretty good show but not great here, as is usual for Smackdown.

Results

Sin Cara b. Chavo Guerrero – Headscissors into a mat slam

Daniel Bryan b. Cody Rhodes – LeBell Lock

Ezekiel Jackson b. Heath Slater via DQ when Corre interfered

Kane b. Great Khali – Top rope clothesline

Alicia Fox/Tamina b. AJ/Kaitlyn – Axe kick to Kaitlyn

Sheamus b. Christian and Mark Henry – Brogue Kick to Christian

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 26, 2011
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz

It’s the second week of Impact Wrestling and hopefully tonight we’ll have a bit more actual wrestling rather than last week when there was as much on a regular episode of Impact.  Anyway we’re also going to have some more advance in the Sting vs. Anderson feud as last week Anderson laid the champion out.  Also if I remember right we’re going to get Hogan and Foley again tonight which is rather fun.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

An opening graphic says in memory of Randy Savage.  Classy.

Sting talks about being champion and we get a clip of Anderson jumping him last week as the old Sting.

We actually start with a match, called a tag team competition by Christy.

Tommy Dreamer/Bully Ray vs. Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles

This is a street fight.  Tonight there’s going to be something called the Scorpion Sitdown which is Sting’s interview segment.  AJ is still in a neckbrace so he can barely move here.  This is a smaller one though and looks like a big pad.  We start on the floor in a big brawl.  Ray vs. Daniels is going on at ringside while Dreamer and AJ head into the crowd.  AJ manages to throw Dreamer off a small balcony and dives on him to take out both guys.  Daniels busts out some weapons in the ring and beats Ray down with them.

BME eats a boot as at least AJ is back at ringside.  Rock Bottom gets two for Ray but he walks into a Pele.  Dreamer is back in the ring also.  The neck brace comes off as Immortal takes over.  Neckbreaker hits for Ray and Dreamer adds one of his own.  Daniels is still down so this is more or less open season on AJ.  Daniels goes down again as they keep showing replays.  Daniels gets back in time to break up a spike Piledriver and kills Ray with a kendo stick.  Spike Piledriver with Daniels doing the spiking ends Dreamer at 5:00.

Rating: C. Not bad for a brawl here but how weak does Immortal look when they can’t even beat a guy with a bad neck after working on his neck?  Anyway not bad but I kind of wonder what the point is in having AJ doing an injury angle when he can wrestle through it without any real issues.  Either way, nice to start off with a match.

Hogan is here.

Time for the Scorpion Sitdown and it’s Anderson as Sting.  Nothing like a talking segment on a WRESTLING show right?  Anderson says that it’s a sitdown because he’s too old to wrestle.  Remember that he’s talking as Sting.  His guest: Disco Inferno.  He’s a guy that was with Sting throughout WCW despite them never interacting that I remember.  Disco doesn’t get why he’s here but he’ll tell Anderson the truth about Sting.

Anderson randomly shouts during Disco’s talk and Disco gets ticked off at him.  Disco says that whether you liked Sting or not, he commanded respect.  Everyone grew up loving him and that’s all there is to it.  Anderson gets all annoyed and says that Disco is here to bury Sting and that’s the entire point.  Disco wants to know why Anderson is a jerk.  He even says it into the mic and gets up.  And there’s a Mic to the head and a Mic Check to Disco.  The real Sting comes off to run Anderson off.

Eric Young, still with the TV Title, goes into a bathroom and Gunner jumps him but Young has an idea.  Young will lay down tonight and Gunner will get the TV Title belt back while Young will get his old world title back.  Young leaves and Gunner calls him an idiot.

Velvet calls out ODB, saying she’s got a little explaining to do.  Well she looks better than Desi Arnaz.  ODB comes out and says Velvet got her fired last year.  Velvet says she’s worked her way here and ODB says she’s gotten here on her back.  Since Velvet hasn’t ever even been Knockouts Champion she must not be that good in the sack.  ODB drills her and the beating is on.  Velvet more or less runs and Velvet still doesn’t get what’s going on.

Video on RVD vs. Angle tonight which they’re trying to make seem like a huge level match.

Back from a break and we recap the ending to last week’s show with Roode having his arm destroyed by Immortal.

Beer Money is in Bischoff’s office and the doctor says Roode is kind of iffy about being able to wrestle.  They have a tag title match at Slammiversary and it’s 30 days for a defense so if the titles aren’t defended the belts will be stripped.  Storm says it’s a torn pectoral so he won’t be cleared in three weeks.  Bischoff has to know by the end of next week and says he might appoint a replacement.  Bischoff suggests that the Hillbilly Jesus (Storm) go get some manure and put it on Roode’s arm to heal it.  Storm threatens Bischoff and Bischoff says do it and you’ll never work again.  The champs leave and that’s that.

We actually get a clip from Xplosion where Pope hit on D-Von’s wife and D-Von wasn’t happy with it.  Pope says D-Von needs to chill.

Angle is with Morgan in the back as I guess wrestling matters so much they’re afraid to have any of it in case it gets wasted.  Angle says watch out for Karen.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Matt Morgan

I guess the competition thing is going to be a regular thing.  Supposed to sound real perhaps?  Karen is on crutches and looks very good in blue.  Before the match Jeff grabs a chair to give Karen something to sit in.  Earl doesn’t like it and throws Karen out.  Oh wait he’s allowing Karen to sit but she has to sit at the end of the ramp.  Jeff gets a thumb to the eye very early and hits a top rope cross body for two.

That goes nowhere and it’s time for the elbows in the corner to give Morgan control.  Side slam gets two.  Carbon Footprint misses in the corner and Jeff works on the leg.  Fallaway Slam gets two as another cross body doesn’t work.  Karen comes down to ringside as Morgan gets a Michinoku Driver of all things for two.

And never mind as Karen gives him the crutch and a shot with that sets up the Stroke for only two.  Thought that was the ending.  Jeff jumps into a chokeslam but Morgan instead shifts into an atomic drop.  Carbon Footprint hits but Karen hits Hebner in the knee with the crutch.  Scott Steiner comes in and hits a Downward Spiral to Morgan and that’s good for the pin at 3:06.  Dang it I have to rate it.

Rating: D+. More or less nothing here but the nice little swerve there was pretty good as I thought the Stroke would end it.  Steiner vs. Morgan is nothing I’m fired up about seeing as it seems like a step down for Morgan as he was talking about wanting the world title.  Either way though, not a terrible match but WAY too short with way too much going on in just three minutes.

We recap Foley being revealed as Network Executive and Bischoff going after the X-Division last week.

Bischoff is in the ring and is all smiley.  Apparently Hogan had a great week with the network last week in New York as Bischoff predicted.  Here’s Hogan who is the leader of Impact Wrestling apparently.  Hogan says that the Network has given him authority to run this show.  Oh joy.  He pitched a bunch of ideas to the executives so now they think he’s a genius.  Hogan wants to talk about Bischoff for a minute because he’s proud of what Bischoff did to the X-Division.

Here’s Foley who doesn’t need an invitation apparently because he’s a network executive.  All Hogan did was tick the Network off apparently because after Hogan left, Foley explained that the X Division put it on the map and we’re going to expand it.  He’s going to go around the world finding new X-Division talent for an Ultimate X match.  Oh and Foley has power regarding PPV because they promote the PPVs.  Wouldn’t that give them control over all of the companies that advertise on Spike TV?

Hogan says Foley should do something for the X-Division tonight, like challenge for the X-Division Title.  Bischoff gets WAY too excited about that but before Foley can answer here’s Brian Kendrick and his X buddies.  He talks in his poetic speak and more or less asks for Foley’s title shot tonight.  They’re here to get rid of the reptilians that have acquired power apparently.  This was very tedious to say the least.

Winter is rubbing Angelina’s back and says that everything is about to change and they’re going to fulfill the promise they made to each other in another lifetime.  I shutter to think where this is going to go.

Winter vs. Mickie James

Non-Title here.  Tenay acknowledges that the Winter/Angelina thing goes back centuries, which makes me think this is going to get very stupid very fast.  Northern Lights Suplex gets two for Winter as she takes over.  Scratch that as Mickie gets a snapmare and a seated dropkick to set up a rana out of the corner.  Flapjack sets up a nipup and after countering the spin out Rock Bottom Mickie hits the jumping DDT for the pin at 2:18.  No rating due to shortness but this was just a step ahead of a squash.

Angelina destroys Mickie post match due to Winter having some blood on her chin.

Abyss says he’s going to destroy Kendrick tonight.  He’s reading Art of War again and has Janice with him.  Someone with long hair that we can’t see jump him.  Oh it’s Kaz and he takes Janice with him.

X-Division Title: Brian Kendrick vs. Abyss

Abyss is all banged up due to the attack by Kaz.  Kendrick dives through the ropes with a kick that kind of hits to get us going.  Abyss charges into the steps and we go into the ring.  Amazingly enough they actually reference Abyss being a former world champion and say he’s the second Grand Slam winner.  I haven’t heard them reference that reign in years.

Abyss takes over and crushes Kendrick in the corner with an avalanche.  The beatdown commences but Kendrick counters a gorilla press slam and fires off some dropkicks.  Missile dropkick puts him down for two.  Brian goes up again but gets knocked off as Abyss hits the ropes.  Black Hole Slam and we’re done at 4:13.

Rating: D+. Not much here at all as Kendrick looks like a jobber all over again.  I guess we’re waiting on some savior of the X-Division to pop up, which might be AJ or Kaz.  Either way, something tells me Abyss is going to be champion and destroy random people for a few weeks to come.  Not horrible, but really nothing here at all.

Abyss rants about the Art of War some more.

Same RVD vs. Angle video from earlier.

Angle says the main event is a big match.

TV Title: Eric Young vs. Gunner

Young has the title itself because Gunner stole back the wrong belt last week.  I guess the whole “one is black and one is red” thing is too hard to keep track of.  They reenact the Fingerpoke of Doom but Young rolls him up for the pin and the title at 32 seconds.  Whatever man, whatever.

The Jarretts come out for the main event on commentary.

Rob Van Dam vs. Kurt Angle

We also get big match intros to kill even more time.  Jeff talks about how RVD is his handpicked opponent as RVD kicks Angle to the floor.  RVD hammers away but walks into a suplex.  A snap variety gets two for Kurt and we hit a reverse grip to waste some time.  They majority of this match is spent on a split screen so we can see the Jarretts talk while the wrestlers lay around.  RVD gets his top rope kick for two.  Angle gets a slam and both guys go down.

There’s been more laying around in this match than actual wrestling.  Ankle lock goes on and RVD is thinking about tapping.  He kicks out of it but the Five Star misses.  Angle Slam actually gets the fall on the first attempt at 7:36.  Yes, this epic five star first time ever main event didn’t even make it 8 minutes and is the longest match of the night so far.  Give me a break.

Rating: C-. This was built up as being an epic match and it was about 8 minutes of them laying around pretending that this was a huge match.  The camera was on the Jarretts about half the match which isn’t helping anyone at all.  Weak main event and the proper ending to one of the worst shows I can remember in a very long time.

Overall Rating: F+. I absolutely could not stand this show.  The wrestling was bad, nothing really was advanced, and the whole wrestling matters concept was more or less thrown out completely.  This was a terribly dull show as they had forty minutes between the first two matches and twenty between the second and third.  There’s no reason to have them just talk that entire time.  The main event was just ok after all that buildup and that doesn’t make up for two hours of nonsense before it.  Terrible show with more or less nothing happening at all.  The longest match was 7:36.  Let that sink in for a bit.

Results

Christopher Daniels/AJ Styles b. Bully Ray/Tommy Dreamer – Spike Piledriver to Dreamer

Jeff Jarrett b. Matt Morgan – Pin after a Downward Spiral from Scott Steiner

Mickie James b. Winter – Jumping DDT

Abyss b. Brian Kendrick – Black Hole Slam

Eric Young b. Gunner – Small Package

Kurt Angle b. Rob Van Dam – Angle Slam

World War 3 1995
Date: November 26, 1995
Location: Norfolk Scope, Norfolk, Virginia
Attendance: 12,000
Commentators: Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

So after the whole mess that was the Hogan/Giant title situation at Halloween Havoc and a few weeks later, the title was declared vacant and put up in a, wait for it, THREE RING SIXTY MAN BATTLE ROYAL!!! (Bear in mind this is absolutely nothing like the Royal Rumble even though it’s exactly like it minus the time intervals. Later on they would drop any and all pretense and just have it be for a title match at Starrcade).

Anyway, this is the first one and it has big mess written all over it. The first problem is there weren’t 60 people on WCW’s roster. What makes this match funny is you’ll get all kinds of random jobbers that are like 55 years old and haven’t been on TV in about 8 years dug out of mothballs and put out there as a “top star”. Other than that…well there’s Sting vs. Flair. That’s about it. Let’s get to it.

Yes there are three rings in there. Ticket sales from the space the third extra is taking up….likely wouldn’t have been sold. Tony picks Hogan. Bobby picks Savage. Bobby had this really funny tendency to pick random people and have them be right. I don’t recall him ever picking a loser and I base that on about two battle royals that I’m thinking of. Bobby already changes his pick.

And now we go, and I sigh as I remember it, to this. Hogan, still in black, is with Sting and Savage up close to the stage. Oh before I get going on this, Sting and Savage are his best friends. Hogan rips off the black and is in his red and yellow. We scale back and there’s a bucket with fire in it that of course Gene doesn’t see until the camera does. And alas, Hogan has something in his hand.

He insists Sting and Savage will always be his friend. We’re T-minus 8 months from the NWO angle beginning. Ok, now we get to the REALLY stupid part of this. Apparently there’s a rumor that Savage has a bad arm injury. Note: Savage had been favoring his arm for MONTHS and it was all taped up for the better part of the summer and fall. That’s legit mind you. In other words, Savage’s arm was actually hurt in real life, and he’s incorporating that into his character.

And yes, I just explained kayfabe to you for a reason other than I’m afraid you’re a bunch of idiots. Hogan then says that Savage’s arm is fine and that the injury was a plan. In other words, he’s saying that the three of them did what Bret Hart did with his bad leg in his feud with Vince recently. Ok, that’s all fine and good I guess. It’s kind of stupid given how long the “plan” went on but I can live with that I suppose.

Sting finally puts the fire out to prevent a Fire Marshall Bill intervention. Hogan says “OBSERVE this” and holds up a piece of paper. Yes, he’s talking about the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, or a rag sheet as he calls it. In other words, Hogan is acknowledging the IWC who hated his freaking guts at this point.

Hogan talks about how the internet has the real scoop on things, since the WON says that Savage is really hurt and that The Giant is going to win the title tonight. In other words, Hogan more or less acknowledged that wrestling is scripted and fake, but says the three of them are going to go against what the script says. WOW.

We recap DDP vs. Badd, which is title vs. Kimberly. Page wants the title back and Kimberly is sick of it. Has there ever been a girl named Kimberly that isn’t hot?

TV Title: Diamond Dallas Page vs. Johnny B. Badd

This was good last month so maybe it’ll be good this month. Around this time, Badd was becoming a wrestler with annoying music and tights and had more or less dropped the flamboyant stuff. It made him FAR more bearable and the fact that his in ring work went WAY up helped him a lot also. He could have had a fluke run in the main event had it not been for the NWO and him leaving.

Page is starting to get into his traditional look here too and less grimy. You know it always felt like these two fought at every PPV and the reason might be that they came close to doing so. For some reason I just cannot get into this match or show. No clue why but it’s just not there. Page in blue and black tights is just odd looking for some reason. It’s weird seeing another ring over the post of another ring.

Kimberly holds up a card that says 10 (gimmick of her’s) for Badd to a huge pop from the audience. Page hits a ton of backbreakers and they’re working pretty well. These two usually had decent matches together and it’s working I think. Badd hits a tombstone for two. In a rather anticlimactic ending, Badd hits his combination finisher for the pin and Kimberly. Ok then. Ending just came from out of nowhere.

Rating: C. Like I said I just couldn’t get into this at all. It’s not bad but it’s far from what they did last month. The ending was just odd like I said. Not a bad match but I’ve seen far more. That and Badd winning again was what you expected. Not bad and a hot woman at the end so there we are.

Badd gives another YOU CAN DO IT speech after the match. That never went anywhere.

Big Bubba vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan

They keep taping up their fists and punching each other. Yeah that’s all there is to it. You can only win by pinfall or knockout here. Duggan chases him down to ringside because that’s the kind of action you want kids to emulate. The fans chant USA for Duggan. You know what I would find funny? I’ve never gotten why the USA chants only work for Duggan. Bubba is from Georgia.

I’d love to see a heel pop up from a USA chant and become stronger than the patriotic face. I mean think about it: just because Bubba is a heel doesn’t mean he’s anti-American. I would find that hilarious for some odd reason. Then again I’m a rather odd person. Tony suggests this match will go 25-30 minutes. That’s FUNNY. It’s either that or scary. Bubba busts out an enziguri. It gets absolutely no reaction from the announcers but did you really expect otherwise?

Bubba works on the ribs. Not entirely sure why but ok. Oh and Duggan had gone through his history and said that he had a family history of taped fist champions. This got a full segment on Saturday Night once. I’m not making that up. Egads. The question comes up of which ring does this have to end in. The announcers don’t actually know and it’s a good question. Bubba tapes Duggan to the top rope which is smart but stupid at the same time.

Ah ok the knockout thing can happen while he’s in the ropes. Got it. Bubba charges at him and gets backdropped to the floor but his back slams into the apron. FREAKING OW! Three Point Clothesline hits and here’s the man formerly known as I.R.S. with a chain for no explained reasons. Bubba gets it and pops Duggan with it for the knockout. Bubba yelling at Bobby to tell the people how great he is sounds very odd.

Rating: D. Not bad for what it was I guess: two big guys hitting each other. Ending makes no sense but that’s WCW for you. Not awful and they had built up a small feud here so I can live with it. Not good or anything but it could have been FAR worse.

Flair is here and talking with Gene. We get the old school Horsemen lines so I’m happy. Flair talks down to Sting and says he’ll get the title back again. To say Flair is popular here is like saying Sly is kind of smart.

Luger and Jimmy Hart have something to say as well. Hart busts out a Savage impression that isn’t half bad. I’m surprised at that one actually. In a HILARIOUS moment, Hart lists off all these reasons why Luger is going to win the world title, much like any manager would do. However, Luger reaches up his hand clearly for a high five from Jimmy. Jimmy though gets into your standard shouting match with a fan and leaves Luger hanging there for about ten seconds and NEVER slaps his hand.

Seeing Luger pose for like ever and then just get left hanging is hilarious stuff to say the least. That cracked me up. To make this even FUNNIER, Luger starts to talk. Now I’m not one to normally notice things in interviews, but Luger could not more clearly be reading off a teleprompter or a script if his life depended on it.

He never looks up at the camera more than once in the interview and his eyes are clearly going back and forth reading stuff. He had no problem looking into the camera when he was posing so it wasn’t some “I don’t care at all” thing. This was one of the funniest segments I have ever seen and not a thing of it was intentional, which I think is what made it all the funnier.

Bull Nakano/Akira Hokuto vs. Mayumi Ozaki/Cutie Suzuki

What in the world….? Seriously, this is just thrown onto the card with NO explanation other than they’re great wrestlers that are here in WCW. There was a Women’s Championship in WCW but that wasn’t for over a year. I’ve heard of all four of these names but have only seen a decent amount of all but the third name listed. I’m going to have issues with keeping the second team apart as I know next to nothing about them.

Bull and Akira are heels here and are managed by one Sonny Onoo, who would become a big time player here in like a month or so, but more on that later. Basically Nakano is an unstoppable monster and the heels do whatever they can to hurt her but it doesn’t really work. The idea of this more or less is that the faces have to try to beat Akira because Bill would snap them like a popsicle stick. They hit a pair of stomps from the top in a nice spot. That would hurt something fierce.

Crowd is warming up to this one quickly. Hokuto nearly gets her neck broken with a German suplex that was SICK. Nakano comes in and the massacre begins. We go to the floor for a bit but Bull and Akira hit a Doomsday Device followed by a guillotine legdrop to end it. I think Ozaki is dead. Apparently they did this the next night again with the same result. Ok then.

Rating: B. This was a pair of things: random and AWESOME. This came out of nowhere, wasn’t advertised at all, and was more or less never mentioned again. This makes no sense though as it was just freaking sweet. Sadly enough they really weren’t heard from again. Pay no attention to the Japanese invasion angle that was coming next month either that they would be perfect for. This is very odd indeed but we got a sweet match out of it so I can’t complain.

US Title: Kensuke Sasake vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit is a Horseman here and Sasake is champion here because of the aforementioned Japanese invasion angle that’s coming up soon. He beat Sting of all people in Japan for the belt and held it for like a month and a half. Benoit is that guy that went out there and stole like 4 shows in a row so they put him in the Horsemen because they saw the potential in him. Sonny is back for this one again.

Hokuto from the last match is married to Sasaki for you Japanese enthusiasts. Apparently Heenan sold half of WCW to Onoo. Ah apparently he had no right to do that so the deal doesn’t work. The announcers say the fans want the title back in the USA. That’s why they’re cheering for the Canadian. WCW announcers make me feel smarter. Benoit is still good but Sasake is only ok.

The problem is that I don’t think a lot of people know much about Sasake, meaning most people don’t care about this match. The problem compounding with that is that the match is rather boring. Benoit with the long hair is a good sight. Also he’s so young here but they know how great he is even then. Sasake is more or less all power and nothing more.

You could call it a contrast of styles to a certain extent but at the same time not really. Crowd is totally dead other than like 4 people. Onoo does some commentary here to again set up the angle a bit more. This angle is one of the most intriguing one ever but we’ll get to that one at Starrcade. Benoit busts out the Germans which mean nothing at the time. Benoit throws in a tombstone for good measure.

Heabutt hits but it’s 1995 so it doesn’t get a pin or a reaction. He throws out a rana and it’s total dominance by Benoit. Tony makes this dramatic statement that the last American to hold the title was Sting. You know, the guy that held it TEN DAYS ago. Sasake basically is no selling all of Benoit’s stuff and hits a Northern Lights Bomb (Snowplow) for the pin.

Rating: D+. This was just a weird match. For one thing, Sasake is rather pestering. I looked him up and it hit me as soon as I saw the name. He was a member of the Road Warriors in Japan. The style is very similar. Anyway, this match had no real flow. They started out pretty even and then Benoit dominated. Then Sasake just no sold stuff, hit two moves and won. Not terrible I guess, but this was just odd. Crowd hated it too.

Kevin Sullivan and the Giant say what you would expect them to say. Giant is REALLY bad on the mic at this point. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m gonna kick your butt to Kalamazoo.” WOW. Did anyone ever explain why Taskmaster (what kind of a name is that anyway?) wore red and yellow?

We recap Savage vs. Luger, which more or less boiled down to Savage didn’t trust him. For once, his paranoid delusions were right and Luger did turn heel at Halloween Havoc. Savage won there, Luger won on Nitro thanks to interference from Giant. That’s about it.

Savage says he’s going to win both matches. This took forever of course. Savage saying he’s always jittery and how that’s part of his charm is rather funny for some reason.

Randy Savage vs. Lex Luger

And remember, Savage’s arm is FINE. Hogan and Savage have both said it, so ignore the massive bandage on his arm. Savage jumps him early as you would expect him to. Apparently everyone wants to be world champion. Heenan finally asks why Savage has a BIG FREAKING BANDAGE on his arm. Tony of course ignores him. Heenan point blank asks and Tony just won’t answer.

Savage gets a messed up beyond belief Boston Crab which he used last PPV. Well it’s a new move so I can’t really complain about a guy expanding his arsenal. We hit the floor for a bit. Savage throws him in the ring, goes up and the elbow hits like two minutes in. Ok then. Hart distracts of course since he’s a great manager. Luger is tossed again and manages to put the rack on Savage on the floor.

Not sure why but he did it anyway. Savage is out cold and Luger throws him back in. An armbar on a perfectly good arm mind you, ends it. Savage just passes out so he doesn’t tap but still, he lost to an arm submission when his arm was FINE. That’s why 95 in WCW was odd: Hogan and company made no sense.

If the whole IT’S FINE thing hadn’t been said, this would make perfect sense. Naturally we can’t have that though so there we are. Post match Sting comes down when Luger won’t let go. He whispers something to him and Luger lets go. Never was explained.

Rating: F+. This was very odd. I’m not sure what the idea was here but it came off oddly. This was like 5 minutes long and made me scratch my head. Who was supposed to look good here, because Luger got his head kicked in and would have been pinned in 2 minutes and then Savage got beat completely cleanly in like 5 total minutes. What was this supposed to be again?

We recap Sting vs. Flair. More or less, Flair was getting beaten down a lot and asked Sting for help. Sting more or less said you screw me over and I’ll kill you. Not really obviously but you get the idea.

Sting vs. Ric Flair

Why Sting didn’t just stay in the ring is beyond me but whatever. Sting of course beats the tar out of Flair to start and Flair runs to another ring. Ok then. This is almost face vs. face as Flair is in Flair Country and Sting is the most popular guy in the company. Naturally Russo would spend his life trying to turn a face that big heel right? And here are Sherri and Colonel Parker for no apparent reason.

Flair tries to walk and that of course doesn’t work. Sting gets taken down twice by the hair and nips up both times. That was cool looking. Is there anything this guy can’t do? Sting goes for his diving splash to the railing and of course it doesn’t work just like it never does at all. Every time Flair chops him, Sting gets stronger. Flair of course keeps chopping him. We switch rings for like the 5th time and Flair starts in on the knee.

We show Parker and Sherri again for no apparent reason. Heenan has a weird respect for Sting. Young heels, take note of Flair. He does such simple things and they make him a great heel. For instance, he asks the referee how much time is left then throws Sting over the ropes.

Totally illegal, but so simply done that it came off as instinct from Flair. Figure Four goes on and like an idiot, Flair slaps Sting. Nick Patrick pushing Flair is always funny. Sting starts his comeback, hits a top rope suplex and the Scorpion for the submission.

Rating: B-. It’s Sting vs. Flair, making it one of the pairings that starts off with a higher grade than most matches get. These two had insanely great chemistry together and this was no exception. It’s not one of their better matches but it did what it was supposed to do as it ended the mini feud they had going on. Can’t ask for more than that.

Heenan says no one that has wrestled already tonight will win the title. Ok then.

We recap what led to this which I’ve been over already. There will be a giant in every ring: Yeti, the Giant and Hogan. Hogan as a giant just sounds weird.

Hogan says what you would expect him to say. And I mean he says it for a LONG time. This takes like 2-3 minutes when it could have taken one.

Tony and Bobby have the belt. Even though Giant won it, it still says Hulk Hogan. That’s just amusing and sad at the same time.

World War 3

Arn Anderson, Alex Wright, Brian Knobbs, Ricky Santana, David Taylor, Scott Armstrong, Sting, Joey Maggs, Pez Whatley, Disco Inferno, Meng, Stevie Ray, Mark Starr, Buddy Lee Parker, James Earl Wright, Lex Luger, Eddy Guerrero, Cobra, The Giant, Paul Orndorff, Khris Kanyon, Bobby Walker, Bobby Eaton, Chris Benoit, Randy Savage, Marcus Bagwell, The Yeti, Kurosawa, Hugh Morrus, Zodiac Man

VK Wallstreet, DDP, Scott Norton, Brian Pillman, Craig Pittman, One Man Gang, Super Assassin #1, Mr. JL, Bunkhouse Buck, Kensuke Sasaki, Mike Winner, Hawk, Shark, Steve Armstrong, David Sullivan, Scotty Riggs, Johnny B. Badd, Black Bart, Steven Regal, Dick Slater, Maxx Muscle, Super Assassin #2, Fidel Sierra, Kevin Sullivan, Jerry Saggs, Jim Duggan, Booker T, Big Bubba, Ric Flair and Hulk Hogan.

If I’m right then the first twenty of that list are in one ring, next in another and the last in a third. No clue which is which but whatever. There are three teams of commentators: Tony and Bobby, Larry Zbyszko and Chris Cruise (I don’t know him either) and Dusty and Eric. Let’s get this over with as the word mess could be defined as this.

First of all there are three cameras and the screen is cut into three small shots. We’re not told which is which. Not that it matters as you CANNOT SEE A THING! Seriously, they’re so crowded and so small you can’t see anything. Once we get a ring down to ten they go to other rings until there are 30 left and they all go to one ring. That makes PERFECT sense right? Having 30 people at once in a ring couldn’t go bad could it?

Ok so Eric and Dusty have ring 2. Tony and Bobby have ring 1 and the other guys have ring 3. Got it I think. Cruise is trying but he’s annoying. Keep in mind this is all pre stuff and the match hasn’t started yet. I’m just killing time until everyone gets to the  ring. Buffer calls it the best battle royal ever. They’re going to show the 92 Rumble? Ok now he just needs to shut up so we can get through the end of this. Ah there we are. Oh wait we have to do a ton of pyro first.

Ok ring 1 is the center ring. Got it. Hogan is there. I think Sting and Luger are in ring 2 with Giant. That puts Yeti in ring 3. Hawk fights Hogan. That’s very weird when you think about it. The problem becomes clear early on: FAR too people being eliminated. We have no one gone in the first minute or so. Never mind as Yeti is gone. Everyone goes after Savage but that doesn’t work of course. Hogan and Flair are on the floor fighting.

That’s another thing they improved on later as people keep going through the ropes and under them, making it very confusing. MIKE WINNER IS OUT!!! A bunch of heels go after Hogan. Guess how well that works. This three camera thing is idiotic. Knobbs puts Mark Starr out. See what I was talking about when I said too many jobbers? Three guys are out of ring 1. Hogan gets ganged up on again and does a nice thing of punches to get out.

That was far faster than I’ve ever seen Hogan throw them. Bagwell and Kanyon are out so there are 17 left in ring 3. Stinger Splash hits someone as Black Bart is out. Anderson and Luger are fighting on the floor but they’re both in still. Benoit and Savage are fighting. That’s a good sounding feud. Imagine that in 98 or so. Another jobber is out. Giant goes off and puts like 3 or four out at once which was really badly needed.

Sting vs. Giant is a fun feud. That ring is thinning out a bit. Ring 2 in case you care. In ring 1 a guy is taken out on a stretcher. Shockingly, all of the big stars are still left. Ring 2 is being broken up as we have ten left there. They went into ring one, so ring 2 is eliminated I guess you would say. Instead of dropping us down to two cameras of course, we stay with three. Brilliant.

Benoit hammers on DDP which is another solid sounding feud. Wallstreet is out, more commonly known as IRS. Norton is gone too. That’s enough and we head into the first ring as we have approximately 30 left. Screw the rules I guess. Savage beats on DDP. It’s about 2 years away but that was a great feud. Everyone beats on Hogan with Zodiac choking him with his boot. I say choking when I mean putting his foot about a foot from Hogan’s throat.

You can see the tights between the gap. That’s pitiful. Pittman, like an idiot, puts a cross armbreaker on a guy. Pillman goes after Hogan. That’s just odd to see. 29 to go apparently. Bubba and Duggan put each other out. Dave Taylor vs. Hogan is weird to see. Luger has been on the floor for the majority of the match. That’s kind of smart. Screw the kind of part actually. It’s brilliant. Disco is out. Hogan vs. Booker T is ANOTHER weird combination.

Now why did these guys never get to fight Hogan other than in a massive mess of a match? Jerry Sags and Booker are both out. That puts us at 23 and you can see the ring FAR more clearly now. Savage and Luger fight in another ring, and when I say fight I mean do nothing of note. Regal is gone as Hogan and Giant start fighting. DDP and Badd go out together. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Pittman is out and we’re getting low on people now. Benoit is gone. 16 left. It’s mostly big names and a few midcard guys left. Kurasawa is out. He doesn’t get to sit on the throne of blood with the title I guess. Meng is out. Zodiac is gone. Sorry for just listing names off like that but there isn’t much else to say. Morrus is gone and I think that’s 10 to go. Bit more than that actually. Pillman is gone.

Hogan puts Hawk and Sasake out. That gives us ten left: Hogan, Orndoff, Gang, Luger, Savage, Giant, Sting, Guerrero, Flair and Anderson. Not bad. Orndorff remembers its’ 1995 and is tossed. The Horsemen go after Eddie but he gets out of a spike piledriver. He and Arn do a nice sequence. Naturally Eddie would do nothing for a LONG time after this. Flair gets a figure four on him for good measure. Savage tries to slam Giant but since HE ISN’T OVERLY STRONG it doesn’t work.

Eddie is out and we have 8 left. Savage is referred to as a former world champion and then chokeslammed. Hogan puts both Horsemen out, confirming that he is indeed better than you. The final six are Hogan, Savage, Luger, Sting, Gang and Giant.

Since getting rid of Anderson and Flair at once wasn’t enough, Hogan puts out Sting, Luger and Giant AT THE SAME TIME. Sweet goodness  this gets ridiculous at times. Giant pulls Hogan to the floor but no one sees it. Savage dumps Gang out to WIN THE TITLE! Sweet. Oh look Hogan is upset. You put Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, Sting, Lex Luger and The Giant out inside of 40 seconds. BE HAPPY!

Rating: F+. This was more or less a disaster. The camera work is the biggest issue here. It is AWFUL. You flat out cannot tell what is going on for the majority of this stupid match and that just doesn’t work at all. That and the ton of jobbers being in there. I mean seriously, Pez Whatley? Cut this down by 15-20 guys and it’s FAR better. Other than that though, this was awful.

Post match, Gene comes out to talk to Savage, and, and I can’t believe this, HOGAN WON’T LEAVE!!! Yes, to everyone’s shock, Hogan throws a fit about how he should be champion and how he didn’t go out and how there is a cloud over Savage’s reign. Savage more or less says he’s champion and get over it. I love that.

The fans boo the heck out of Hogan here. For some reason Hogan says that we can look at the tape tomorrow on Nitro. Why not just look at it now? I mean you’re both here so why wait for a whole day? That’s WCW for you I guess. Anyway, Savage and Hogan make up for the thousandth time and after Tony and Bobby talk for awhile, we’re out.

Overall Rating: D. This was a one match show and the one match SUCKED. Like I said, you flat out could not tell what was going on at all. It was awful. This was WCW in a nutshell: big flashy match with no substance and hope that no one notices that it sucks.

Savage winning was a nice twist though as he wasn’t really expected, but Hogan complaining was just fitting for some reason. Other than that though, the show just wasn’t that great. It’s not bad really, but there’s nothing worth going out of your way to see at all. Decent stuff, but nothing great. Take a pass on this one unless you love ridiculous gimmick matches

NXT
Date: May 24, 2011
Location: Spokane Veterans Memorial Arena, Spokane, Washington
Commentators: Todd Grisham, William Regal

It’s week like 12 or so but we’re FINALLY down to five people.  Hopefully tonight we’ll get the announcement that we’re going to go down to four in the near future.  If nothing else it’s almost a guarantee that we’re going to get the Savage video again which is going to be more entertaining than anything else we’ve seen this entire season.  Anyway there isn’t much else to say so let’s get to it.

Titus vs. Darren tonight, AGAIN.  This time it’s No DQ though so it’s all ok right?

Here’s Saxton to blame Yoshi for various faults he has and saying he doesn’t need him anymore.  Saxton declares independence from Yoshi and says he’s now to be known as Big League Byron Saxton.  Isn’t that chewing gum?  Anyway Maryse comes out in a dress shorter than her legs.  She hosts this show, not him.  Maryse introduces the show and says that tonight it’s Yoshi/Saxton vs. Kidd/Cannon.  The second elimination is next week.  YES!!!

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Yoshi Tatsu/Byron Saxton

Yoshi is far more fired up this week than last and starts vs. Cannon here.  Kidd comes in and the beatdown is on.  Kidd gets sent down as we take a break.  Back with Cannon hammering on Tatsu as apparently during the break Kidd injured Yoshi’s arm.  Time for the arm work which makes sense here.  Nice to see it making sense rather than just being thrown on in a vain attempt to look smart.

Cannon hammers away on the arm as there’s a nice little story here of Saxton not coming in, which I’d assume is going to be the final point of the match.  Armbar goes on by Cannon as the fans cheer for Yoshi.  Superplex attempt is blocked and Yoshi gets a top rope spinwheel kick to take both him and Lucky down.  Yoshi STILL won’t tag and it’s off to Kidd.  Big kick gets two for Yoshi and Byron tags himself in, only to get grabbed into a Sharpshooter by Kidd for the tap as Yoshi won’t help.  Match ran 8:55.

Rating: C+. Not as bad as you would think here as there were a few stories going on in there and yet they managed to hold it together and get a not bad match out of it.  The whole idea of Saxton running his mouth and having it come back to bite him is a nice touch but I’m not entirely sure I get Yoshi’s reasoning behind not tagging in, other than maybe to teach Byron a lesson.

Byron yells at Yoshi post match and gets his head kicked off.

Raw ReBound is about Big Show having his leg injured by Ricardo and Alberto.  That’s an interesting story and I’m curious as to where it goes.

We recap Young and Titus and Horny’s situation over the last few weeks, namely Horny being adult with a beard that can speak at times but later lost the ability to for no apparent reason and lives under the ring in a town or something and is treated like a kid-napped.  We see Young and Chavo beating on him and yeah, there it is.  This is about bullying.

Chavo says he’ll be watching tonight and that’s about it.

JTG vs. Conor O’Brian

Regal is all ticked off that JTG is still here which is kind of funny.  We take a break to shill That’s What I Am some more before O’Brian’s entrance.  We get a clip of the dance off from last week which Regal says reminds him of a night with Arn Anderson.  I honestly do not want to know if I want to hear that story or not.  JTG sends him to the floor after a brief run by O’Brian started us off.

That more or less ends my level of interest in the match as O’Brian’s lack of anything resembling interest or uniqueness or anything noteworthy at all.  JTG takes over and Regal says he might have to eat some of his words.  And of course O’Brian rolls JTG up just a few seconds later and we’re done at 3:54.

Rating: F. This is biased beyond belief but more or less Conor O’Brian is officially a failure no matter what he does out there.  Naturally with this win he’s going to stick around again so that Saxton can be sent home for rebelling or something stupid like that while the BULLY is allowed to stay too because while we hate bullies, we have no problem with tolerating them and paying them right?

JTG beats him down post match and Vlad makes the save.

Titus can’t find Horny again but he’s hiding in a travel bag.  Darren and Chavo are bullies don’t you know.

Ad for WWE All-Stars.  Isn’t that game like three months old?

Titus O’Neil vs. Darren Young

No DQ here because even NXT gets that the same match four or five times in a season is stupid.  Titus yells about being a bully the entire time to REALLY hammer the point home I guess.  Modified abdominal stretch goes on as Titus hammers away.  Gee a larger man picking on someone else because they don’t like something about him.  That couldn’t POSSIBLY be considered bullying right?

Young gets a shot in as we’ve stayed in the ring the entire time so far.  Horny is watching in the back as Titus sends Darren to the floor.  Titus sends him into the post and table but that’s it for the No DQ stuff because that stuff NEVER happens in a regular match right?  Chavo interferes when the referee isn’t looking because he couldn’t do it when he was looking right?  That takes us to a break.

Back with Young ramming Titus’ back into the ring and then his face into it as well.  It’s a matched set now I guess.  Back in the ring now as this needs to end rather quickly.  Titus makes his comeback and runs Darren over a few times, adding a shoulderbreaker for two.  Chavo comes in, finally realizing it’s No DQ.  Horny is watching in the back and freaks out when Chavo gets a chain.  He puts a ninja bandana on as Chavo uses the chain.  Here’s Samurai Swoggle (I hate you Todd Grisham) who Titus uses as a battering ram.  Clash of Titus sets up the Tadpole Splash for the pin at 8:22.

Rating: C-. The match was surprisingly decent but the anti-bullying stuff just killed it.  I mean they were YELLING it at each other the whole match.  I’ll spare you a long rant about why I cannot stand the anti-bullying movement and summarize it by saying I think the whole thing is one of the stupidest things that has been forced down our throats in a very long time.  Anyway, that was the point of this match, so you better pay attention because your very soul depends on you NEVER being mean to anyone the slightest bit different than you in your entire life.

No Savage video.  Are you kidding me?

Overall Rating: D+. This is probably the most wrestling there’s been on NXT in months.  That being said, we’ve seen these guys fight so many times over the same things that it was bound to lose any remaining interest it had a long time ago, and that’s the point they’ve hit here.  There is no reason for these people to fight anymore.  Back in the older seasons this was remedied by guest stars but that has fallen off the table because that would imply people knowing this exists anymore.  Not the worst show ever, but just completely uninteresting.

Results

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon b. Byron Saxton/Yoshi Tatsu – Sharpshooter to Saxton

Conor O’Brian b. JTG – Small Package

Titus O’Neil b. Darren Young – Pin after a Tadpole Splash

Monday Night Raw
Date: May 23, 2011
Location: Rose Garden, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler, Josh Matthews

We’re past Over the Limit and after another Cena torture movie he’s still WWE Champion.  Also Jerry Lawler finally got his revenge on Cole in a humiliating defeat.  Tonight we’ll start building towards Capitol Punishment in four weeks.  It should be interesting to see where we go from here as it seems a lot of feuds wrapped up last night.  Let’s get to it.

An in memory of Randy Savage graphic opens us up.

Theme song hits.

Here’s Lawler who says that the long national nightmare is over because Michael Cole has been beaten.  He said he had an ace up his sleeve last night.  Actually he had a Hart up his sleeve, and here’s the Hitman!  Bret says he’s always respected Jerry over the years as a competitor despite not always seeing things the same way.  He had no respect for Michael Cole though so he as glad to help him taste the agony of “de-feet”.

R-Truth of all people comes out to talk to Bret.  He says Bret must be a 90 time WWE Champion and wants Bret to ask him how many championship matches he’s had.  That would be zero because he didn’t care about the little Jimmys like Bret did.  He asks if there’s something he can give to the fans and asks to take Bret’s shades to give to the fans.

Truth finds a Little Jimmy in the front row and gives him the glasses.  “I’m a good R-Truth now.”  Now he thinks he should be next in line for a WWE Championship match but he isn’t.  Truth takes the glasses back and goes to see Bret again.  It’s about wins and losses, not giving the fans what they want.  He put out John Morrison and he beat Rey last night but now he needs to beat on a Hall of Famer.

Bret says go ahead and try it but he got championship matches because he’s the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be.  Truth doesn’t get championship matches because he’s a freaking lunatic.  Truth doesn’t like that but here’s Cena before we see what he says next.  Cena limps out and is clearly in pain.  It’s a mostly pro-Cena crowd tonight.

Cena chats with Bret for a bit and now it’s time to talk to the resident lunatic.  Cena says he and Truth used to be cool but now he lost his mind.  Truth: “Used to?  Used to is a rooster from Brewster.”  Well ok then.  This thing Truth has been on is all about Cena apparently.  The people make it all about him.  Cena says that Truth is wrong and that he makes it all about the people.

Truth says that it’s all about Cena and how he has to get the Cena shirt, the Cena wristbands, go see the new Cena movie, HE WANTS HIS SON BACK!  It’s all about him now and he isn’t going to feel right until he gets his WWE Title match.  Cena says he’s a bit broken up from last night but it’s about time someone knocked some sense into Truth.  An E-Mail stops that though because the GM isn’t sure about Truth.  The main event is Truth/Punk vs. Rey/Cena with Bret as referee.  Bret gives the kid the sunglasses in a nice touch.

Show and Kane are sitting on a nice car and Show says that they’re going to be in a pack tonight, I think talking about Nexus.  Ricardo comes up and yells in Spanish so Show shoves him down.  Alberto comes up and yells in Spanish too.  The big guys actually leave as Alberto rambles more in Spanish.

Tag Titles: Big Show/Kane vs. David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty

I don’t get why these two didn’t have the tag title shot last night since they won last week.  Punk has boots up to his thighs that are white/yellow and look a bit odd.  He sits in on commentary here.  Kane and Otunga start us off and David heads to the floor to avoids a seated dropkick.  A small chase starts but Otunga misses an elbow drop as Kane fakes him out.

Show comes in to a big pop and here’s Michael as well.  Show sends him to the floor with ease as we take a break.  Back with Nexus working over Kane as Punk says he doesn’t care which Nexus team wins the titles.  Orunga gets a neckbreaker on Kane for two.  Show comes in soon thereafter and the beatdown is on.  Punk talks about how everything is going to be ok and Ryan tries to come in.  Kane takes him down but Punk says he has faith and kicks Show in the head.  A double DDT to Show and we have new champions at 8:54 total.

Rating: C. Not a bad match here and it’s probably a good thing to see the giants lose the titles.  They can only go so far with the titles before things get really boring with them.  Nexus needed something to go with here and the tag titles tend to be the first thing you’re given to get something established.

Back with a video of Orton at a Wal-Mart signing That’s What I Am DVDs.  Not as bad a movie as I was expecting even though he was in it less than five minutes.

Big Show and Kane are asked about frustration and Show is all ticked off.  Alberto for some reason Slaps him in the face and runs off.  The camera goes down and when we find them Alberto’s car is on Show’s leg!  Kane shouts at everyone and Ricardo backs the car off.  Show screams a lot as medics arrive.  Show tries to get up but falls right back down.

Back and Big Show still tries to stand, this time getting over to something to lean on.  He won’t sit on a stretcher and looks like he’s going to try to walk it off.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

Swagger misses a shot in the corner and Bourne snaps off a rana.  And there goes that momentum as he runs into a big boot as Swagger takes over.  Off to an armbar but the Vader Bomb misses.  Bourne gets some kicks in but can’t get anywhere with it.  One is caught into an ankle lock but Bourne gets out again.  Another rana attempts is reversed into a HUGE gutwrecnch powerbomb to end this at 2:10.  That impact was awesome.

Post match Bourne is up already and gets a kick to the head of Swagger to send him to the floor in a heap.

Cole is walking around in the back and walks past the Divas, offering Eve a handshake.  She sticks her foot in his face instead.  He’s up next.

Rock’s new movie has done incredibly well.

Here’s Cole and he asks for our attention but then says he doesn’t deserve it.  He wants to apologize to everyone from Jerry to Matthews to Justin Roberts to Mark Yeaton to the fans in Portland to the people all over the WWE Universe.  He just wants to come home and do commentary on Raw.  He wants to come back with no Cole Mine and no more matches but just one more chance.

Jerry says thanks for that and thanks for giving him a picture for this year’s Christmas card, which is Cole having Jerry’s foot in his mouth.  The fans keep chanting You Suck Toes.  Jerry also hands him a box of Altoids which Cole accepts.  They offer him a chair but here’s Miz as Cole sits down.

Miz says there is only one reason why he didn’t win the WWE Championship last night, and that reason is Alex Riley.  This isn’t the first time Riley has failed either as he wasn’t at the steel cage match, he cost Miz the title three weeks ago because they dropped the belt and then last night he had the cell phone fall on the ground.  Miz wants one more chance at Cena in a one on one match with Alex Riley barred from ringside.  He isn’t going to leave the ring until he gets an answer either.

There’s an E-Mail and the GM denies the request.  Miz is done with Cena because he lost against last night.  Riley points out that it wasn’t him that quit and Miz slaps him.  Miz goes off on Riley and fires him and the fight is on!  Riley is destroying Miz, ripping the clothes off of him and throwing him onto the announce table.  Riley beats Miz up and we actually get a big Riley chant!  Miz is almost out.  Riley leaves Miz laying in the middle of the ring in one of the better face turns I’ve seen in a good while.

Melina/Maryse/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torres/Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix/Gail Kim

Cole continues to try to be different tonight, saying Miz might have had that coming to him and praising the Divas, enjoying the chance to call the match.  A Bella (announcers aren’t sure either) vs. Kelly to start.  And here’s Kharma maybe 10 seconds into it to a nice pop.

Beth rallies the troops to stare down Kharma who walks to the ring anyway.  She climbs up to the apron and climbs in, not really focusing on anyone.  The Divas surround her and it’s a weird staredown moment.  Kharma sticks her arms out and her hands start shaking.  She gets on her knees and something is censored out.  Kharma starts crying with her lips quivering.  She’s rocking back and forth a bit and shaking her head.  She’s saying something but we can’t hear it.  We go to a break with her more or less having a breakdown in the middle of the ring.

Back and we see a clip of Kharma’s breakdown again.

We get a clip of Extreme Rules where Kofi won the US Title back.

Drew McIntyre vs. Kofi Kingston

Non-Title here.  Drew has a ton of pyro now.  Drew is moving out there tonight as they have a very fast paced start but Kofi can’t get over Drew on a leapfrog and Drew works on the knee.  Figure Four on the post as this has been all Drew other than some nice speed moves by Kofi.  Kofi kicks him off though and manages the Boom Drop on one good leg.

He can’t even attempt Trouble in Paradise though and collapses, allowing Drew to get a kick to the chest for two.  Drew tries a knee crusher which Kofi half counters into a rana position, only for Drew to powerbomb him down for a long two.  Into the corner but Kofi pulls SOS out of nowhere for the surprise pin at 4:28.  Vickie and Ziggler are shown watching.  Dolph is blonde again.

Rating: C+. I liked this match with Drew having control due to the bad knee and Kofi having to fight from behind here the entire time.  The knee stuff was good with Drew being all aggressive, but he lost again which doesn’t really help him all that much at the end of the day.  Good to see him on TV again though.

We get a dream sequence of all three commentators imagining what would happen if President Obama had a press conference about Capitol Punishment.  They’ve asked Congress, the Washington Nationals to the forest reserve to the PPV.

Nexus celebrates their win and Punk says watch what he’s about to do.  Main event is up next.

Alberto says he had nothing to do with Show’s injury and blames Ricardo for it.

It’s time for what a lot of people have been asking for all night: the Randy Savage tribute.  A voiceover talks about how awesome his career was and how when everyone was being flamboyant he was better at it than anyone.  Set to Pomp and Circumstance we talk about his matches with Hogan, the Mania 3 match, Slim Jim, the fans imitating him (but never being able to duplicate him).

A barrage of Savage promos set up a highlight reel set to a sad song about setting someone apart and being a shame to be apart.  There’s a focus on his relationship with Liz and the clips are mostly from his face runs.  They’re showing things in sets here, such as his robes and then a bunch of shots of his elbows and finally the in memory graphic as he gets a standing ovation and a loud Macho Man chant.  Very nicely done.

John Cena/Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth/CM Punk

Bret is referee here.  Punk has pink tights with stars on them like Savage had at Mania 4 where he won his first WWF Title.  Cena and Truth to start with Cena sending him to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Punk in control, ramming in elbows in the corner.  Cena speeds things up a bit and Punk hides behind Bret in a funny spot.  Truth comes in and takes over on Cena with some basic stuff for two.

Back off to Punk and I can’t help but smile at the tights.  Punk hits Bret’s floatover Russian Legsweep and it’s the TWO MOVES OF DOOM!  Suplex gets two and it’s off to Truth again who gets in Bret’s face.  Punk adds a backbreaker but Cena reverses a Sharpshooter into an STF attempt.  Punk loads him up for the GTS but Cena counters into a DDT and both guys are down.

Rey comes in and everything breaks down quickly.  Cena falls down because of bad ribs and Truth shouts how do you like me now?  Rey dropkicks Truth in the back and sets for the 619.  Bret drills Punk and adds a Sharpshooter and Rey drops a dime on Punk’s head for the pin at 9:48.  Cena jumps in the air with a leap that would make Orton jealous.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag match here but at the same time it was kind of a mess.  Not bad to be sure but I’m really not sure what this accomplishes other than a feel good moment I guess.  It was like they weren’t sure what to do here so they did a modified comedy match.  Not bad, but really nothing special at all.

Overall Rating: B-. This was a hard one to grade here.  The show was certainly eventful but the lack of wrestling hurts it.  This was far more of a show about resetting a lot of things which is something they really had to do after last night and they did a good job of that, but the lack of wrestling got in the way here.  The Savage tribute was well done and needed and I’m very glad we got one.  The title change was also good and Kharma’s breakdown is something worth keeping an eye on, but overall I wasn’t buying into the whole show.  Good, but certainly not epic or great.  It got stuff done though, which was the idea.

Results

David Otunga/Michael McGillicutty b. Kane/Big Show – Double DDT to Big Show

Jack Swagger b. Evan Bourne – Gutwrench Powerbomb

Melina/Maryse/Bella Twins vs. Eve Torries/Kelly Kelly/Beth Phoenix/Gail Kim went to a no contest when Kharma interfered

Kofi Kingston b. Drew McIntyre – SOS

John Cena/Rey Mysterio b. CM Punk/R-Truth – Springboard legdrop to Punk

Over the Limit 2011
Date: May 22, 2011
Location: KeyArena, Seattle, Washington
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Josh Matthews, Michael Cole

It’s Over the Limit again which was a totally worthless show last year which is about what I’m expecting this year.  The main event is Miz vs. Cena in an I Quit match while on the other side you have Christian vs. Orton in their rematch.  The first match was good so this should be as well with more time and some experience to work with.  All in all though it looks weak but I’ve been wrong before.  Let’s get to it.

There’s a graphic saying in memory of Randy Savage to open us up.  Certainly better than nothing.

The opening video is about what the human body is capable of when it’s pushed over the limit.  Not bad but a bit basic.  Then again there isn’t much you can do with a theme like Over the Limit.

Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth

Truth just has the one line to start his lack of music now.  The Truth is that it’s all about parking lots.  He got here today and didn’t have a parking spot so he had to park with the rest of the fans in the rain.  It’s a conspiracy and while he’s danced and pranced for all of the Little Jimmys, it’s gotten him nowhere.  He doesn’t play games like Rey Mysterio who wears that toy mask.  He’s taking Rey’s spot and that’s the Truth.

There are cars on the stage like last year.  One is a Mustang and I can’t tell on the other one.  Lawler points out how stupid it is to be worried about a parking space when you have a match on PPV.  Leave it to the veterans to make sense.  Booker says Truth should have changed his attitude a long time ago.  Is Booker a subtle heel commentator and I’m just missing it?

Rey makes Truth madder and manages to send him to the floor where a hurricanrana from the apron takes him down.  Truth, in his purple shoes, takes over by hammering Rey in the corner.  That gets him nowhere as Rey outmoves him of course.  Cole quotes a Kid Rock song from 2002 by saying it ain’t bragging if you do it and you back it up as Rey is sent to the floor.

Truth keeps stopping Rey when he tries to get something going, including hitting a sitout gordbuster for two.  Lawler seems like he has a cold and Cole makes fun of him for it of course.  Rey makes a comeback and gets a middle rope bulldog for two.  As in Truth was on the middle rope which was a new twist on it.  Springboard cross body and a running kick both get two.

Top rope seated senton hits but Truth gets the spinning forearm which is more spin than forearm out of nowhere for a close two.  Axe kick misses so Rey tries a rollup which doesn’t connect.  The jumping reverse Stunner doesn’t hit so Rey kicks him to the floor.  Truth pulls him off the apron to crotch Rey on the ring skirt which is something that is hardly ever used.  A Downward Spiral ends this clean.  Nice to see Rey lose again.

Rating: C. Pretty dull match here but Truth winning is certainly the right move.  Raw needs more top heels and a crazy man like Truth is a good place to start.  Truth hopefully can now move past Rey and maybe on to a US Title run or a quick feud with Cena perhaps.  Still though, not much of a match but there were enough good spots to make it a good match.  Please though, get him a new finisher other than a Downward Spiral.

Miz says that people say he has no chance of winning tonight.  Those are the same people that said he was a joke or would be fired in three days or he’d cash in MITB and lose but he’s proven them all wrong, which he’ll do again tonight.  Very true actually.  Riley cuts off the catchphrase by saying he’s the new WWE Champion instead of Awesome.

Cole talks about rubbing raw fish on his feet.  “Lawler: You are really an idiot.”

We recap Jackson vs. Barrett.  Corre attacked Jackson because Jackson was starting to think about himself too much.  Jackson keeps trying to beat down Corre so Barrett challenged Jackson to a match for no apparent reason for Barrett’s IC Title.

Intercontinental Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Wade Barrett

Barrett comes out sans Corre which implies run in to me.  Jackson is freaky big.  Booker talks about Jackson winning his first title, even though this would be his second (ECW Title).  Idiots chant boring about 8 seconds after the bell rings.  Talk about being prejudiced.  Barrett hammers away to start.  It’s a good thing that people sell his punches a lot because he’s the bareknuckles champions or whatever right?

Jackson sends him to the floor and the chase is on.  Jackson catches a big boot attempt as they get back in and runs Barrett over.  Power vs. power here even thought Barrett isn’t much of a power guy.  Cole says the three others are some of the most boring broadcasters he’s ever heard.  Barrett claims a neck injury but is just pretending.  That’s a bad IC Champion!

He sends Big Zeke into the post shoulder first a few times and adds a big boot with Jackson’s head against the post.  Cole has a big surprise for the Lawler match later.  For the love of all things good and holy, let it end there.  Barrett gets a middle rope elbow for two which I hope isn’t your only Macho Man reference tonight.  Cole and Booker argue about sheep and wolves or whatever as Barrett locks on a chinlock.

Wasteland is blocked and Jackson can’t get anywhere as he walks into a kick to the ribs and a pumphandle slam.  Jackson snaps and starts his series of like four slams in a row which I think is kind of a cool idea.  It would hurt your back if you kept having it done to you.  The fans seem to like it too so why not?  Five slams sets up the Torture Rack and here’s Gabriel for the pretty obvious DQ.

Rating: C+. Call me crazy but I liked it.  Jackson with those slams was a surprisingly well received move.  The Torture Rack is a good finisher for him so at least they’re starting to book him right.  The ending is kind of cheap as it’s what we’ve seen for months now, but that’s about what you have to expect.  Somehow Barrett has the longest current title reign in the company.  That’s kind of surprising.

Corre beats down Jackson post match including a Boss Man Slam and a big boot, both from Wade.  No 450 though.

Mason Ryan finds Otunga and McGillicutty down in the back.  They say it was Show and Kane.  Punk says it means they can show how awesome they are.  He barely seems to care about the two guys down.  Punk says walk it off.

Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero

The idea here is Chavo claims that he invented most of what Cara does, which isn’t true but it makes for a good storyline.  They’re in the weird lighting again here and Chavo has the shorts back.  Cara takes over with some speed stuff but Chavo stops him, in theory because he knows the moves better and knows how to counter them.

Out to the floor and Cara does his usually awesome stuff but back in the ring a limping Chavo hammers him down into the corner.  Cara hits a nice moonsault press for two.  The lighting thing is a bit annoying in a long match.  It looks like the light is sick or something.  It’s a standard ground game vs. high flying match which is similar to what Chavo owned the world at back in 2000 so this works fine.

We hit the floor again and Cara crushes him with a big dive.  Top rope rana sets up some kicks and a handspring elbow as he channels his inner Tajiri.  Top rope cross body gets two.  Cara keeps trying to speed it up and it’s only kind of working.  A springboard….head drag I guess sends Chavo down again.  I think it was supposed to be La Mistica (headscissors into an armbar) but it wound up looking awful and Cara pins him with it.  Horrible looking botch.

Rating: C. Pretty good match here as Chavo can keep up with Cara.  The ending brings it down a lot though and the lighting thing has to go because now it’s time for Cara to move up to the midcard.  He’s gotten some experience under his belt and it should be enough for him to have some matches with other midcard guys.  He’ll bring in the Mexican audience which is the point of signing him.  Decent enough match though.

More anti-bullying jazz.

Randy and Christian have a quick chat about getting to be champion which doesn’t go much of anywhere other than repeating talking points.

Alberto is here thankfully.  It’s a PPV with a car theme so how could he not be here?  He’s here to talk about immigration apparently as everyone is complaining about various things.  Ok never mind as he wants to talk about not being sad about being in a WWE Title match because his destiny can’t be stopped.  He’ll be champion some day.

Big Show’s music cuts him off and here come the tag champions.  Kane is disappointed that there wasn’t a rapture yesterday because he was looking forward to it.  Alberto bails before getting his head knocked off.

Tag Titles: CM Punk/Mason Ryan vs. Big Show/Kane

Kane vs. Ryan to start us off here and the fans chant Batista.  This crowd is getting on my nerves in a hurry.  Power vs. Power of course and here’s Show.  Ryan goes all Big Zeke on him, taking him down with a clothesline.  Off to Punk vs. Show.  The giants take turns beating down Punk, probably jealous of all the hair gel.  Ryan comes in to work on Kane as Punk has the word Macho on his tape.

Show stomps on the steps and it sounds like the building is falling down.  The bulldog out of the corner is blocked and Punk is almost shoved into the big punch.  Instead Punk dropkicks the knee and brings in Ryan who hits an old school Oklahoma Stampede.  Bearhug time and Ryan just throws Kane around which is ultra rare.  Kane grabs a suplex but Punk comes in to stop the tag.

Punk goes up top in a rare move for him.  Is that a theme for this match or something?  The elbow drop from the top misses and I can’t help but smile.  It’s enough to bring in Show who cleans house as he is known to do.  Double chokeslam to Ryan and we’re done.  Sometimes there’s no substitute for just picking someone up and drilling them like that.

Rating: C. For the elbow alone this isn’t a failure.  It’s very cool to see someone throw that out in a tribute to one of the best of all time and something told me it would be Punk.  Just seems like something he’d do.  Anyway, Show and Kane winning isn’t that surprising as it can play into the problems in Nexus a bit more.  This was fine for what it was.

Ad for Capitol Punishment featuring…..President Obama?  It’s one of those fake questions featuring real clips from a press conference.  At least it’s four weeks away.

Divas Title: Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly

Cole even says this will be boring.  This is about what you would expect: both girls do a few things, neither really are that good, both look good in tiny shorts, which is why they have their jobs I suppose.  LONG armbar by Brie wastes some time.  There’s Twin Magic, X-Factor, Nikki gets the pin.

Rating: F. Dang it why did this have to be long enough to grade?  The match was awful the whole way through as they have no business being on PPV.  Watching Nunzio as the referee and the girls looking good are the only high spots here.  Also, no sign of Kharma.  How in the world can you validate this being on PPV?  I give up.

Cole goes to get ready…..and the world title match is next?  Wow indeed.

We recap Christian vs. Orton.  Basic story here: Christian needs to prove his reign wasn’t a fluke and he needs to prove that he can beat Orton on full rest.  Somehow that takes long enough to heat up some grilled cheese to explain.

Smackdown World Title: Randy Orton vs. Christian

Big match intros fill in some time as we have almost an hour and a half left and three matches to go.  Booker talks about how awesome Orton is because of his lineage, even though his grandfather was a relative unknown and his dad was good but not great.  The crowd gets into it a bit and Booker goes into a LONG speech about Christian and hitting the button to make an engine go faster or something.

Anyway, Christian gets a middle rope dropkick for two as he’s controlled so far.  Orton does his apparently now signature toe touching thing on a leapfrog.  The crowd is FAR more into this than the rest of the show combined.  Off to a chinlock by Christian as Booker actually points something out: Christian doesn’t pick guys up that much.  Big old dropkick by Orton but he can’t get much of an advantage going.

Lawler is gone too if I didn’t mention that.  Orton hits a full on superplex for a close two.  Orton fires off those uppercuts with one of them being countered into a backslide for two.  Spinebuster gets two for the Canadian.  They slug it out and Christian goes up for a missile dropkick, only to get caught in a jackknife cover which he reverses into a sunset flip for two.  Christian takes him down again and a swan dive headbutt gets two.

The fans seem to be more behind Christian here, but then again most people don’t care about Orton until he hits the RKO.  Orton starts his stomp.  OH NO!  HE KICKED HIM IN THE FOOT!!!  IT’S UTTER DEVASTATION!!!!!  Kneedrop gets two but Christian gets a Killswitch attempt which is countered into an RKO attempt.  That gets countered into another Killswitch attempt but Orton pulls the legs out and gets a reverse Boston Crab (Billy Goat’s Curse for you Colt Cabana fans) which I’ve never seen in WWE.

Christian grabs the rope but it’s nice to see a new move being thrown out there like that.  He fakes Orton out in the corner and gets a VERY close two off a sunset flip out of the corner.  Important there because the fake out was the same move that Christian got caught in the RKO with in their first title match.  Nice bit of psychology there.

Into the corner again and Christian tries the pendulum kick but Randy grabs the feet and shifts to an elevated DDT for a close two.  Orton loads up the RKO but Christian shoves him off and stars shouting SPEAR.  Ok, enough with the Edge references.  Perhaps it was the SHOUTING THE NAME OF THE MOVE but Orton snaps him off with a powerslam for two.  With Christian down Orton sets for the Punt of all things but he can’t bring himself to do it.

He charges again but Christian pops up with a spear for a VERY close two.  Christian goes into one of his old school fits almost as this is a rather good match.  Christian sets for the Killswitch again but it gets countered as does the second attempt, the first into an RKO attempt and the second into an attempted belly to back suplex.  Christian flips out of it but as he goes for the Killswitch again, it’s RKO time and Orton survives this.

Rating: A-. Very good match here that topped their previous match with them adding the psychology and building on their previous match.  Orton showing respect to Christian like he did before on Smackdown is another nice touch as well as them adding in new stuff to make the match less predictable.  Well done match as Christian continues to impress.

They shake hands post match.

We recap Cole vs. Lawler so excuse me while I baste a turkey.

Ok I’m back now and what a shock it’s still going.  The idea is that Cole and Lawler hate each other and Cole has beaten him twice already.  Lawler has put up his Hall of Fame ring and if he loses he’ll induct Cole into the Hall of Fame.  Also the loser has to kiss the winner’s foot.  Cole also ticked off his muscle in Jack Swagger so he’s on his own here, at least in theory.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Remember that Cole has promised some kind of surprise all night.  Cole comes out in a suit and limping.  You can tell it’s officially an injury because he has a doctor’s note.  Or maybe he’s reading his lines.  Apparently it’s because of infected athlete’s foot.  If Cole’s foot goes into Lawler’s mouth Lawler might contract foot and mouth disease.  He gives the note to the referee and the referee rips it up.  RING THE BELL!

Lawler drills him into the corner and pounds away and there go Cole’s pants.  SOLID right hand and a dropkick send Cole to the floor.  Josh says vintage.  Cole manages to send him into the steps a few times and Cole takes the shoe off.  This ticks Jerry off and LAWLER THROWS HIM THROUGH THE COLE MINE!!!!!  Lawler celebrates the thing exploding which is a legit funny moment.  Middle rope punch brings the strap down and WE ARE DONE!  That made me smile.  No rating as it was total domination but still, awesome moment as Jerry destroyed him.

Jerry starts unzipping his boot but has an idea.  He waves someone out and here comes Eve.  She drills him with a moonsault as this is turning into exactly what it should have been.  Lawler still isn’t done as he waves out JR!  Appropriately enough JR has barbecue sauce.  He pours it into Cole’s mouth until it overflows and all over his face.  This is great.  Cole gets to the floor and tries to leave and says that he’s not a loser.  It’s Lawler and all the people that are losers.  He’s not going to kiss his……..BRET HART IS HERE!!!!!

THIS is what I mean when I say they need to give old school fans something special.  And before you ask, remember that it was Bret and Lawler in the first kiss my foot match.  Sharpshooter goes on the pencils that Cole calls legs and it’s time to kiss the feet, complete with barbecue sauce.  Cole is left totally destroyed and Bret’s music plays us out.  PERFECT ending to this segment as Cole is completely and utterly destroyed.

JR jumps in on commentary for the main event.

They show the replay a bunch of times and Cole’s face is priceless.

That’s What I Am video, which actually wasn’t all that bad.

We recap Miz vs. Cena.  More or less Cena got to pick the stips because it’s a match he flat out doesn’t lose.  This is their third PPV match so I kind of like the idea of having the odds stacked so high against Miz because he can say he didn’t deserve to lose but at the same time they’re almost too high.

Raw World Title: The Miz vs. John Cena

I Quit rules here and they have a LOT of time.  Miz has the coat again which is always a perk.  It’s only 20 past ten so they have a TON of time.  Miz grabs the mic and says that since there are no rules Riley is going to help him.  That helps a bit.  Riley more or less plays spoiler here as he breaks up an early STF attempt.  This is pretty smart actually.

The dueling chants begin as Cena puts Riley on the floor.  Cena initiates his ending sequence quickly but Miz countered into a Skull Crushing Finale attempt.  He walks into an FU but Riley pops in to massacre him with about 12 briefcase shots.  Double powerbomb out of the corner but Cena says no.  Booker more or less ends his employment by saying Cena has limited skills/abilities.  Well he has a job on the internet for life.

More beatings follow and Cena is sent into the barricade, drawing a no.  They set up the table and Miz hits a monitor shot to the head.  This is getting a bit brutal here.  Cena drills Riley and comes back on Miz but gets sent into the steps.  DDT on the steps and Cena doesn’t give up still.  That one was more meager though.  Miz cuts a short promo on Cena, saying that if he doesn’t give up Riley will slam the steps onto Cena’s ribs.  Cena say go away and there are the steps for him.

Riley gets in the ring and holds Cena’s arms back.  Miz says he has a weapon and will hit him with it if Cena doesn’t give up.  “You hit like a girl.”  That of course gets a no.  Miz GOES OFF on Cena who more or less tries in vain to cover up.  He still won’t quit though.  There are some sick marks all over Cena’s stomach from that stick.  This has been about 95% Miz/Riley.

The go up to the stage and Miz suplexes him on the stage.  Cena is screaming loudly but still won’t quit.  Matthews asks about Cena’s breaking point.  Haven’t we seen that show already?  Miz gets a running boot to the head to kick Cena off the stage.  Cena STILL won’t say he quits but he doesn’t say no for awhile this time.  They get a boom mic and a leather belt.  Miz talks to Cena on the mic again but Cena STILL won’t quit even at the threat of a whipping.  “You have a leather strap but you got no nuts.”

Cena more or less stops reacting other than sticking his leg up to try to block the belt shots.  He STILL says no, almost through tears.  They head back to the ring and Cena somehow keeps fighting but a chair to the ribs and back stops that run.  This is getting pretty awesome as it’s looking almost impossible for him to come back here and that Miz has the perfect plan.

Back in the ring and Cena AGAIN fights back.  And there goes the referee.  Cena can’t get the FU on Riley but Miz takes him down one more time.  He puts the chair between the ropes and it’s a Skull Crushing Finale THROUGH the chair which looks like it bent a bit.  Booker: “They seem like they’re trying to hurt him.”  Get this man off my commentary NOW.

Miz says maybe he needs to make this a bit more personal.  He goes to a fan and asks if Cena is his hero.  The kid says yes and he wants to know if he wants Cena to quit.  The kid says never.  Mic shot still gets a no from the fan.  Miz GOES OFF on the fan and the fan shrugs his shoulder.  Get actors next time Vince as the fan is hilarious here.  Miz threatens Cena with a ton of chair shots as he’s stuck in part of the barricade now.  Cena says the kids are smarter than he is which gets no reaction really.

BIG chair shot over the head for that one and now Riley wants him to say it.  THEY ACTUALLY DO THE RECORDED VOICE BIT!!!  Cena clearly didn’t move but a voiceover of him said it.  The referee wants the belt but he finds the tape recorder.  I think he’s calling shenanigans here.  It’s Riley’s phone so RESTART IT!  Riley sets for a belt shot but it takes Miz out instead.  FU to Riley through the table and Cena takes his own belt off.  A bunch of whippings and Miz quits like a girl to the STF (Cena said it earlier, not me).

Rating: B+. This is a very hit or miss match much like the I Quit match against Orton at Breaking Point in 2009.  You really have to check your brain at the door for this one but at the same time that makes it work.  They got brutal with this one and that made it work very well in the end of it all.  I got into it for a lot in there and the restart made sense too.  Good match, not for everyone though.

Overall Rating: B. Call this one a pleasant surprise.  I was thinking this would be nothing but we got two great matches and a great moment with Cole and Lawler.  The rest isn’t great but it’s certainly not all that bad.  I liked this show actually and it worked quite well all things considered.  When you have zero expectations and get a decent show with a very good final hour and a half or so, things are definitely looking up for it.  Good show overall.

Results

R-Truth b. Rey Mysterio – Downward Spiral

Ezekiel Jackson b. Wade Barrett via DQ when Justin Gabriel interfered

Sin Cara b. Chavo Guerrero – Headscissors

Big Show/Kane b. Mason Ryan/CM Punk – Double Chokeslam to Ryan

Brie Bella b. Kelly Kelly – Bella Buster

Randy Orton b. Christian – RKO

Jerry Lawler b. Michael Cole – Middle Rope Punch

John Cena b. The Miz – Miz said I Quit

Breaking Point
Date: September 13, 2009
Location: Bell Centre, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Attendance: 11,500
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Todd Grisham, Jim Ross, Josh Matthews

Submission. That’s whole point of this show. Ok not really but that was the idea of some of it. WWE was I suppose trying to reach out to the MMA fans here which makes sense I guess but at the same time is annoying. The three main matches are submission matches, including Taker vs. Punk on one for the Smackdown Title.

Other than that we have Orton vs. Cena…again, for the Raw Title. The third major match is DX vs. Legacy so there we are. This show is hit or miss for most people so there we are. Let’s get to it.

Also, in case you’re wondering what the point of this review is, I’m trying to get caught up with the recent shows so I can have a point to cut off at, as in having all of 2009 forward reviewed or something like that, so expect more recent ones to start popping up.

The video more or less says what I just said to you. It should be noted that it’s only the main event matches that have the submission stipulation.

Unified Tag Titles: Big Show/Chris Jericho vs. Mark Henry/MVP

This was the feud of the month and no one with intelligence thought team Red had a chance. Jericho tried to denounce being Canadian on Raw to keep the face pop down but if I remember right Quebec wants to secede anyway, so it made the reaction better. MVP is a fair bit sloppy. Crowd is hot by the way. Fans are totally behind Big Show.

More or less this is Henry shows off his strength without actually doing anything worthwhile. Henry is likely going to be in the match for the most part. Oh dear. Ok scratch that thank goodness. Oh how I hate the Ballin Elbow. Lawler says a spear literally cut MVP in half. No King, it didn’t.

Henry comes in to make the save after a LONG time of beating on MVP. Henry cleans house and counters the Codebreaker. And of course a single right hand knocks him out for about 25 seconds so Jericho can get the pin to retain.

Rating: D+. This was a long Raw match and just flat out not interesting. There was no way the belts would change here or anything like that and everyone knew it. That can work at times but the problem here is that the match itself has to actually be good. That simply isn’t the case here and it hurt the match really badly.

Legacy says that tonight it’s a fight and DX is over.

US Title: Kofi Kingston vs. Miz

Lillian isn’t human. That’s all there is to it. This was added to the card the day before this show which is rather cool when you think about it. No idea why it is but I thought I’d throw out something that sounds cool like that so I wouldn’t have to explain it. This is fairly recently after Miz did the AWESOME (pun intended) feud with Cena. That was too brilliant for words.

Kofi is getting beaten up here as the push of the Miz continues. Lawler and King argue about nothing in particular. This is a really slow paced match and I’m not sure how well it’s working. Miz does the intelligent thing and moves out of the way of the Boom Drop. They crank it up and do a nice pinfall reversal sequence. Miz goes for the Reality Check but Kofi counters the neckbreaker to kick the heck out of him for the pin.

Rating: B. This started slow but became a very solid match by the end. At the time it aired I wasn’t sure who was going to win which is something that hardly ever happens to me in matches. What I mean by that is this looked like a glorified squash on paper and that got switched up. I’ve always liked both of these guys and this was no exception. Very fun match with a solid ending.

Lynyrd Skynyrd did the theme song. Good to know.

We recap DX vs. Legacy. In essence, Legacy is tired of DX hogging the spotlight. In other words, Legacy is portraying Rated RKO.

DX vs. Legacy

This is submissions count anywhere. We get the obligatory Montreal reference from DX which makes sense as we’re in Montreal tonight. HHH says it was all Shawn’s fault in a rather funny bit. There are in essence no rules in this to speak of. Shawn is famous for the figure four? Since when? We’re already into the crowd so at least they’re not trying that hard to make this look like a normal match. That’s always a perk.

Shawn has DiBiase in a choke on a railing in the audience and HHH and Rhodes are back in the concourse I think. We were in the ring for all of 8 seconds in case you were wondering. They’re brawling all over the place but of course we’re heading back to the ring now. Rhodes is put onto a chair and HHH gets a Boston Crab at the same time that Shawn gets a camel clutch. Good to know. After that is broken up we get a crossface from HHH.

I’m not sure if this is a good match or not. Rhodes hooks a Gory Special of all things. The formula of this match more of less is one guy puts a hold on another and the partner makes the save. It’s ok but there’s not much to it really. HHH and DiBiase are in the ring and Rhodes and Shawn are fighting in the production area. They fight into the stands and Shawn falls from there down to a perfectly placed empty area.

Basically HHH has to fight both guys off to keep them away from Shawn. Hmm…HHH having to face very big odds and do something no other normal person could pull off? Where’s the challenge? They’re in the back and beating the tar out of HHH. The crowd reaction would suggest Shawn is up. Oh wait it’s Montreal so maybe he died or something. Never mind. He’s up. It’s back to 1-2 now though as HHH got smacked in the head and is down.

Rhodes busts out an ankle lock on Shawn. You know, the guy with a bad back that just hurt his back a few minutes ago. I can’t stand stupid wrestlers at times. So Shawn was down for maybe two minutes from FALLING OFF A BALCONY and HHH is down much longer from a garbage can shot? Good freaking night.

Shawn gets that reverse figure four that he used like twice but he’s a master off all of a sudden anyway. Rhodes just goes off on Shawn and hooks the figure four on the post. DiBiase adds in the Million Dollar Dream. And Shawn taps out with HHH crawling on the floor. Talk about an EPIC win. Match kind of sucked but kind of didn’t.

Rating: B-. I liked it, but there were a LOT of problems here. For one thing, it got to the point where it was just the same stuff happening but with different people. That’s rather boring indeed. However, VERY happy that Legacy won as they actually needed a win as opposed to DX all over again. It was good but far from great. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt though.

Oh and amazingly enough, people still complained about DX hogging the spotlight after this match. Go figure.

Josh Matthews comes up to Randy Orton who says he wants to talk. Orton has no reaction to Legacy winning. Orton says that’s enough questions so he talks about Cena. Orton has the voice for his character down to a T, I’ll give him that much. I love the WWE Title just sitting in the background there like that’s perfectly normal.

Ad for Hell in a Cell.

Singapore Cane Match: Kane vs. Great Khali

Uh, point to the stipulations? Singh’s sideburns are alive I think. There’s a basket of canes at each corner. There’s the required duel between the sticks. Can we just push Kane as a monster heel? Please? Is it that much to ask? Khali got a world title reign and Kane doesn’t. That makes such a lack of sense I can’t even fathom it.

The fans are already chanting boring and they’re right. Naturally they don’t get it and keep going. Khali gives Kane a head massage which is apparently a vice grip or something. Khali does his other move, the chop, and that’s all he’s got. Kane gets a shot off the top with the cane and that gets two of course. A good (bad on anyone other than Khali) ends it to a BIG pop, despite Kane being 100% heel here.

Rating: F. This was awful in every sense of the word. It was short if nothing else but for the love of coconuts, give Kane something serious to do rather than just having him beat up random big men. Yes I’m a big fan of Kane.

Punk says he’s ready for Undertaker. He makes great points of course but it’s Taker so he has to lose. Punk mentions the Hardy arrest which is just freaking awesome. Dang Punk is epic. The lights go out and it’s Jimmy Yang messing with Punk. Guess what happens to his cowboy sefl.

We recap Christian vs. Regal, which more or less was Regal got beat in 10 seconds at Summerslam and then his boys beat him up. Naturally a ten second loss warrants a rematch right?

ECW Championship: Christian vs. William Regal

This is 5 days after the ECW is Leaving announcement was made so there we are. Naturally Christian gets a huge pop being the Canadian. The monsters are sent to the back. This is more of a technical match which is what Regal is a master of. This is an intense match if nothing else. The fans are as into this as they’ve been into anything all night long. Regal avoids the Killswitch three times and then gets it on the fourth. Well that was abrupt. Somehow this was ten minutes long.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t much at all. It could have been a main event on any ECW TV show and it wouldn’t have been anything special at all. This was pretty weak.

Batista is coming back to Raw to leave for Smackdown.

Pat Patterson comes out for no apparent reason. He talks about nothing in general until Dolph Ziggler comes out. They talk, Ziggler pushes him, gay jokes abounded in the LD as Morrison came out for the save.

We recap Cena vs. Orton. They don’t like each other. The end. On the show you get a five minute version of that.

Raw World Title: John Cena vs. Randy Orton

Remember, this is submission only. Orton is champion here in case anyone is interested. Starting with the package, we have ten minutes go by before the opening bell. Cena starts out hot and gets in some nice throws on the reptilian one. The fans are kind of into it but I think they know they’re in for a long one here.

Orton of course gets the advantage as he is known to do. The weapons are in already and Cena is experiencing head trauma. Naturally we get a mixed reaction from the crowd because it’s Cena in Canada. The RKO onto a chair is countered because we’re 5 minutes into this. We’re on the floor and Orton is in control of course.

He puts Cena’s head on the step and stomps on it. That looked awesome to say the least. When that doesn’t work he busts out handcuffs and the key which goes around his neck. And Cena is attached to the top rope. Yep, he’s going to win anyway. So Orton unties him and puts him on the post with the cuffs over his arm. Orton proceeds to beat him in the chest and stomach with a kendo stick.

This has to be some Vince sex fantasy. There’s no other possible explanation. I don’t know if that’s makeup on his ribs or what but it looks awesome. Orton freaking KILLS Cena with a chair shot. This is freaking violent. After more chair shots and Cena being cuffed again he manages to get the key. And great, now they’re cuffed to each other. Is this a bad buddy comedy pilot or something? It still looks better than 12 Rounds.

The people are booing this, I guess because HE WAS FREKAING TORTURED AND NOW HE’S BEATING UP THE WORLD CHAMPION! Orton gets an RKO out of nowhere. And of course Cena hooks the STFU on Orton with the cuffs for the submission. Because you know, that’s perfectly reasonable right? A ton of replays and celebrating follows.

Rating: B-. I’m really not sure on this one as it became a messed up torture video halfway through. This is a match that some people are going to love and others are going to just flat out hate and I can see both perspectives. It’s not for everyone and the intensity is WAY over the top, but it played up Cena won’t quit as well as possible so there we go.

We recap Punk vs. Taker. More or less it was Taker is back and wants the title. Good to know.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. CM Punk

Taker has never surrendered so there we are. Naturally it takes forever to start because it’s an Undertaker match. And of course Punk is getting his face kicked in. Did you expect anything else? This goes on for awhile until some chair shots get us back to something resembling even.

They trade strikes and Punk actually puts him down with a solid as stone kick to the head. And there’s the Hell’s Gate for the tap out. Yeah, in the most predictable ending you could ask for, Taker gets the title back to end the show. Screw you WWE.

OR DOES HE???

Teddy Long comes out to say that the Hell’s Gate is still an illegal move and the match is still going, even though it’s a No DQ match so that rule means nothing but why should I pay attention to something stupid like that?

Anyway, Taker just beats the tar out of him and then we get the part of the match that I still shake my head at: Punk counters the Last Ride and hooks an Anaconda Vice and, say it with me, Taker doesn’t tap but the bell rings anyway. Punk stands next to the stoic Long to end the show. Care for an explanation? So would I. It never really came, so whatever right?

Rating: D+. This just wasn’t that good. The match was boring and while they did use the surprising ending, it’s still Montreal. I have far more tolerance here than in TNA though, as this isn’t an alternative to WWE or anything like that. Either way, the match sucked and not much was going to save it. Nice twist though.

Overall Rating: D. The idea is ok but in reality this just didn’t work at all. Three of the seven matches could be on any TV show and while them being title matches helped a lot, they’re still just not very good other than the US Title match which isn’t great or anything. There’s some ok stuff in here, but at the same time all of the matches being the same thing takes away from it.

I’ll go with the same example I would go with from Cole at No Way Out one year when there were two chambers: “This is such an intense match. How long has it been since you saw something like this?” About 25 minutes Michael. That’s the thing: these matches are supposed to be about being way intense and stuff like that, but when you have three inside of two hours it just doesn’t work.

There’s some ok stuff in here but by the end you just want it to be over which is never a good sign. Check it out if you’re a fan of the modern product, but overall this was a failed experiment, meaning it’ll be back this year.

Smackdown
Date: May 20, 2011
Location: American Bank Center Arena Corpus Christi, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T, Josh Matthews

We have one more show before Over the Limit and this is it.  I wouldn’t expect much tonight other than a final push to the PPV as the card seems to be mostly set already.  Orton and Christian will likely have some more interaction tonight but other than that I don’t know of anything that’s likely to happen.  Anyway, let’s get to it.

Do You Know Your Enemy?  Mine at the moment is a bad cough that I’ve had all week.

Orton vs. Henry tonight.

Christian vs. Sheamus

We get an old school inset promo from Sheamus as he comes to the ring where he says it took Christian 15 years to win a world title and it took him two months.  Rather true actually.  Sheamus uses power to take over early and Christian is in trouble.  Christian manages to send the pale dude to the floor but gets caught by a shoulder through the ropes.

Christian speeds things up as we hit the floor.  And never mind as we go back into the ring and Sheamus shoves him off the top to the floor and we take a break.  Back with Sheamus getting a powerslam for two.  Off to a chinlock by Sheamus as they rest a bit.  Reverse DDT gets two for Christian as does a cross body.  Middle rope elbow looks to set up the Killswitch but Christian walks into the Irish Curse for two.

Tornado DDT by Christian as this is a rather nice TV match so far.  That only gets two though because regular moves can’t get pins remember?  Finishers only.  Sheamus is knocked to the apron and hits a slingshot shoulder block to get two as well.  And scratch what I said about finishers only as Christian grabs a small package for the pin at 8:43 shown on 12:13.

Rating: B-. The ending was a bit abrupt but this was a pretty solid opening match.  Sheamus tends to work rather well with guys a bit smaller than him and this was no exception.  Solid back and forth match here but the ending left a bit to be desired with it seeming to not follow the buildup it had for the most part.  Still good overall though.

Henry comes out for the double beatdown post match.  Orton comes out very slowly for the save but watches a bit first.  So Orton is a voyeur now?

Long video on Miz vs. Cena on Sunday.

We run down the rest of the card for Sunday to fill in more time.  Brie Bella is defending against Kelly Kelly apparently.

Speaking of the Bellas they’re in the back and Grisham asks them about the beatdown on Monday from Kharma.  Brie is asked why she let Nikki get beaten down and they get in an argument about why they let each other get beaten down.  They agree that they would have done the same thing in each other’s place so this is totally pointless.

Natalya vs. Brie Bella

Non-title here as I guess Natalya is now just there to fill in a space.  Booker rambles on about biscuits and butter and Kharma as even Josh laughs at how out there he sounds.  Natalya takes her down with relative ease and gets two.  What looks like a Boston Crab can’t go on so Brie takes over, working on the arm.  Discus lariat gets two for Natalya as this is a rather boring match with the fans totally dead.  Delayed vertical suplex gets no cover.  Brie sends her shoulder first into the corner and gets a horrible looking X-Factor for the pin at 3:01.

Rating: D-. Yeah shockingly enough a match with one of the Bellas was junk.  The only thing they’re good for is shaking their hips and their in ring work proves that.  This was another weak Divas match as Nattie is now losing clean to Brie Bella of all people.  It never ceases to amaze me how fast a long running champion can fall like that.

We talk about Big Zeke getting thrown out of Corre and he’ll be here next.

Here’s Jackson who says he came to SD to write a new chapter in the Book of Ezekiel.  He joined the Corre to make an impact and talks about how Corre took over.  Not really but we’ll go with that.  He wants to know if Corre needed him or if he needed Corre.  The last two weeks he’s taken a beating but they can’t break him.  He’s not going to sleep until they’ve all suffered.

Here comes Corre for the beatdown but Teddy interrupts them and makes a six man tag.

Corre vs. Ezekiel Jackson/Kane/Big Show

Slater is in tights now instead of trunks.  Show starts for the Bald Brotherhood to face Gabriel.  The title match on Sunday is against Ryan and Punk.  Why would it be against them when McGillicutty and Otunga beat the champions?  Why am I trying to make sense of this?  Kane comes in as this has been one sided so far.  Off to Slater whose luck is about the same.  Booker wants to step outside with Cole.  I guess he’s afraid to cross the street and needs Cole to hold his hand.

Barrett gets the tag and is rather skeptical to face Kane so he gets Jackson instead.  Barrett beats him down but can’t suplex him.  Jackson clotheslines him to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Jackson running over Gabriel and it’s off to Big Show.  Showstopper (standing leg drop if I remember the name correctly) puts Gabriel down as does something resembling a superkick.

Back to Jackson as the beating continues.  Totally one sided so far.  Barrett comes in and has the best luck so he tags out to Slater immediately.  Jackson runs over Slater now and Kane adds the top rope clothesline.  Sidewalk slam gets two but Barrett pulls the top rope down to send Kane to the floor.  Corre takes over as Slater throws on a chinlock which gets him nowhere.

Kane suplexes his way out of it but Barrett stops the tag.  Double big boot puts both guys

down and it’s back off to Slater again.  Big uppercut puts Heath down and a double tag brings in Gabriel and Jackson.  All Big Zeke here but everything breaks down quickly.  Jackson slams Gabriel about four times and a torture rack (love that move for Jackson) ends this at 8:10 shown of 11:40.

Rating: C. Just a six man here with the good guys dominating almost the entire time.  I’m skeptical about who wins both title matches on Sunday but it’s not like this told us anything about the tag champions really.  Either way, not a terrible match but just kind of there really.  Zeke having a new finisher is definitely a good thing for him though as he really needed one and a Torture Rack is perfect.

Christian suggests we look at some tape from earlier which is Orton taking his time getting down there for the save.  He’s going to be 100% on Sunday.

This isn’t from the show but as I’m reviewing this news broke that Randy Savage died in a car wreck.  That completely blew me away and I have no idea what to even think about it.  Sad indeed.

Chavo Guerrero vs. Daniel Bryan

Pre match Chavo says that he brought Sin Cara here and how he’s going to beat Bryan in five minutes as opposed to the fifteen it took Cara to do it last week.  Chavo vs. Cara is confirmed for the PPV.  There’s a countdown clock on screen for this.  First minute passes with nothing more than basic stuff.  Bryan gets a dropkick and drop toehold to take over.  Chavo gets his feet up in the corner to get two with 3:25 to go.

Booker and Cole get into it again as has become a tradition on Fridays anymore.  Chavo locks in a reverse chinlock which doesn’t last long.  They exchange rollups and things speed up a bit with about two minutes to go.  Here come the kicks and it’s LeBell Lock time.  He can’t quite get it on so he hits the floor with a minute left.  Big dive to the floor takes Chavo out and the missile dropkick misses with thirty five seconds left.  Chavo goes with Three Amigos with very little time left.  Frog Splash only gets two and the clock runs out at 5:00.

Rating: C+. Pretty clear that we were going with the time limit but that was the point in this case so it’s nothing to complain about.  Chavo as usual works rather well out there and with a guy like Bryan it’s not like they were asking much of him.  This was absolutely fine and it worked rather well indeed.  Good match and nice to see Bryan not get pinned again.

Chavo throws him to the floor post match and Sin Cara comes out for the save, hitting a rana to send Chavo to the floor.

Here’s Cody with Ted for the paper bag thing.  PLEASE tell me they’re not reforming Legacy and messing up Cody’s push for the sake of a weak tag team.  Cody gets a bag especially for Ted who doesn’t want to put it on but does anyway.  It turns out to be a joke for the sake of making fun of Corpus Christi as Ted speaks in a bad Mexican accent.  The fans boo and Cody yells at them to put the bags on.  Ted takes the bag off and says bring out his opponent.

Ted DiBiase vs. Trent Barreta

Ted hammers him back into the corner as I think we have a squash on our hands here.  Apparently Cody called Ted a shrub or something, meaning his career has fallen apart.  Trent takes Ted down with a standing Swanton for two.  Enziguri has Ted staggering but a tornado DDT is countered into a sitout powerbomb.  Dream Street ends this clean in 1:25 for no rating of course.  Trent gets paper bagged post match.

Great Khali vs. Jey Uso

What do you think is going to happen here?  No Singh with Khali here.  Jey tries to get some kicks in but Khali throws him around.  A dropkick sends Khali into the corner and here’s Jinder Mahal to yell at Khali some more.  Khali goes to the floor to stare him down and almost gets counted out because of it.  Back in the chop and Khali Bomb ends this at 2:05.  Total squash for all intents and purposes.  Someone, perhaps Jimmy Uso, comes in and gets chopped also as he checks on Jey.

Apparently Christian said he’ll be 100%.  Orton says that’s not going to be enough.

Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry

Henry takes him back into the corner to start and the power game takes over rather quickly.  The less orange than usual Orton is sent to the floor and the beating continues.  Back in and Orton gets a few shots in and a dropkick sends Henry to the floor.  Back with another dropkick doing the same.  It was one of those commercials where nothing changed so I’m not adding the time to the clock.

Back in and Henry gets a powerslam for no cover as Booker freaks out.  Oh there’s the cover but there was a delay in between.  Henry shouts that he owns Orton.  I wonder if he sees fried chicken when he looks at Orton.  Off to an armbar because when you think big, strong, mad, ticked off Texan, you think armbar.  Orton hits the rope and runs over Henry and adds some knee drops to take over.

The Garvin Stomp begins as it amazes me that he’s stealing stuff from Ronnie Freaking Garvin.  Dude, were there no Kansas Jayhawk moves available?  Henry hits the floor to avoids the RKO but gets caught in position for the elevated DDT.  And never mind as here’s Sheamus for the DQ at 5:45.

Rating: C-. Not much of a main event at all here but at the same time they were just doing this for the save at the end which is fine.  Henry is a guy that I do not get the point in but he’s gotten pushes for nearly 15 years now so there you are.  Anyway, weak match for the most part and nothing of note at all as it was more there to set up an angle rather than be a match but whatever.

Christian does the same thing that Orton did earlier and waits a bit on the stage before coming in for the save.  Randy is all ticked off about the delay but Christian is like dude I was having an awesome game of Parcheesi with Corre.  Anyway the monsters come in again and get beaten down.  RKO to Henry sets up a handshake to end the show.

Overall Rating: C. Not much here but we did get two additional matches for the PPV.  There was no real feeling here of needing to see anything but they played up some of the PPV matches with the emphasis being on the world title, which is exactly what they needed to do.  I can’t imagine that Christian will get the title back on Sunday but they’ve at least made it seem possible which is the right idea.  Not bad, but nothing special at all.

Results

Christian b. Sheamus – Small Package

Brie Bella b. Natalya – Faceplant

Ezekiel Jackson/Kane/Big Show b. Corre – Torture Rack to Gabriel

Daniel Bryan vs. Chavo Guerrero went to a time limit draw

Ted DiBiase b. Trent Barreta – Dream Street

Randy Orton b. Mark Henry via DQ when Sheamus interfered

http://www.tmz.com/2011/05/20/randy-savage-car-accident-macho-man-dead-dies-died-killed-wwe-wrestler-florida/

This looks legit.  I have no idea what to think about this yet as I’m still in shock I think.

Impact Wrestling
Date: May 19, 2011
Location: Impact Wrestling Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Mike Tenay, Tazz
Episode Title: Back From The Dead

It’s the first show of a new era this week as WRESTLING MATTERS apparently.  It should be very interesting to see how the show has changed in this new world of the company emphasizing wrestling.  Also it’s time for the fallout from Sacrifice which should be interesting as we have Slammiversary set with Sting vs. Anderson for the title.  Lot to get to tonight so let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Angle/Chyna vs. the Jarretts on Sunday as well as the main event with some quick soundbytes from the winners.

There’s a new intro and color scheme as it’s now blue and a silver/gray.  The arena looks different too and it’s a nice change.

Here’s Immortal to open the show minus Jarrett or Hogan.  Bischoff says he and Hogan should be credited for all of the changes.  He runs down Foley, saying if it had been his decision it would have been Thumbtacks Matter instead of Wrestling.  Hogan and Foley are in New York apparently having meetings.  Immortal is in charge tonight and they’ll take care of anyone that gets in their way tonight.

Here’s Kendrick and the X guys, including Gen Me and Amazing Red.  Kendrick says that it’s odd to see a non-wrestler complaining about wrestlers get in his way.  Kendrick runs Bischoff down, talking about how he’s leeched off this business forever through backstabbing and phony friends.  Oh and Bully is fat.

Bischoff meets them in the aisle and says tonight the X Division is ending.  Kazarian is going to defend the X-Division Title against Abyss.  Red is going to get Joe and Generation Me, who are no longer fighting it seems, get Matt Hardy….and Bischoff.  He even calls them vanilla midgets.  Kendrick wants a match too, so Bischoff slaps him in the head and the brawl is on.

Fourtune minus AJ comes out and it’s the big brawl of the week.  The good guys seem to stand tall but the fight continues in the aisle.  They’re not done yet as Flair throws the jacket and they start it up again.  The X Guys hit dives on Immortal and the fight continues.  This has been going for a few minutes now so it’s a rather extended brawl.  They get split up and Flair says he wants to talk to Roode later tonight.

Sarita/Rosita/Madison Rayne vs. Mickie James/Miss Tessmacher/Tara

Mexican America comes out for commentary on this.  Rosita vs. Mickie to start us off as we go split screen to see the commentators.  I mention this because the new logo/scheme has what looks like blue flames or smoke and they were rapidly moving on the split screen so it was a bit disctracting.  Anyway the evildoers take over with some triple teaming but Mickie manages to tag in Tara to fight Madison.  Instead Madison runs and brings in Sarita.

Tessmacher comes in and continues to only be worth her looks.  For some reason she runs into the corer of Mexican America to hit the ropes so she gets tripled teamed also.  Madison runs from Tara some more so Tara beats up Rosita a bit.  Everything breaks down and Tara almost gets to Madison, only to send Rosita into Tara who ends Rosita with a chokebomb at 4:05.

Rating: D+. This was rather sloppy the whole time as it’s obvious that at least one of the girls is there because of how she looks in tiny shorts.  Other than that, nothing of note here at all as I guess we’re setting up Madison vs. Tara which is the logical way to go.  Hard to complain when I guess Sarita is the worst looking chick out there though.

Sting is here in his old tights and gear apparently but we only see his legs.

X-Division Title: Abyss vs. Kazarian

Bischoff gives Abyss a pep talk before the match, basically saying kill him and also quoting Sun Tzu.  Power vs. speed since the beginning as the announcers talk about how this could be the last X Division Title match ever if Abyss wins the belt.  Abyss takes him down with power and cranks on the neck but Kaz fights back, only to walk into a chokeslam attempt.  That doesn’t work and Kaz gets a springboard dropkick to take Abyss down.

Kaz cranks things up with a rana, an elbow and a legdrop, all off the ropes and resulting in a two count.  Chokeslam is countered again into a victory roll for two but Kaz gets caught in Shock Treatment to shift the momentum right back to Abyss.  Vader Bomb totally misses and may have hurt his knee.  Kaz charges into a big boot as Abyss was apparently faking and the Black Hole Slam gives Abyss the only title he’s never won at 5:05.  Tazz says the internet is burning up because of that.  Abyss quotes Sun Tzu post match.

Rating: C+. Just a David vs. Goliath match but with a nice little twist of Abyss outsmarting Kaz when he couldn’t beat him with just straight power.  I’m thinking this might actually be the beginning of the end for the division as there really isn’t much of a point to the thing at the moment.  The TV Title is fine for a midcard title and despite the whole no limits thing, it’s almost always been seen as a Cruiserweight Title.  Anyway, not a bad match but nothing of note at all.

Gunner wants his belt back.

Samoa Joe vs. Amazing Red

Red looks scared but charges anyway, only to get slammed straight down and hammered in the corner.  Red gets in a shot or two and it means nothing at all.  Musclebuster and we’re done in 47 seconds.

Joe beats on Red post match until Crimson comes down for the save.  Are he and Red still brothers?

Here’s AJ who is in a neck brace and wants to talk to Tommy Dreamer.  Here’s Dreamer in sunglasses.  Apparently Storm has a concussion from the brawl earlier.  AJ is in the brace for a few weeks because of the Piledriver on Sunday.  AJ says that this is about Dreamer wanting to have a contract and how he’s there against his will.  Dreamer interprets this as AJ saying Dreamer can’t beat him.

Dreamer talks about how he’s a veteran that doesn’t have anything handed to him and drills Dreamer, saying he sold out and that AJ is as worthless as all these fans that always want more.  The fight is on and AJ’s neck goes out again until Daniels comes out for the save.  Dreamer and Daniels brawl but Bully Ray comes out and drills AJ with the chain clothesline and Daniels is taken down by a low blow from Dreamer and a big boot from Ray.  AJ takes another Piledriver from Dreamer as we go to a break.

A fan says he’s excited.

Sting says his focus is Hogan and Bischoff still.  He’s in his traditional gear here.

The “original” Sting is seen from the back, making Tenay call shenanigans.

Here’s Kurt who says he’s in a much better mood because Karen is gone thanks to Chyna.  Karen has a broken ankle apparently but Chyna isn’t here tonight.  Angle vs. Jarrett again at Slammiversary in a #1 contenders match according to Foley it seems.  Here comes Jeff who says that this is one last time but he wants to know why Kurt gets the shot at all.  Karen shouldn’t be blamed apparently and it should all be on Kurt.  Jeff never got distracted because he’s better than Kurt.  Naturally there’s going to be a stipulation for the match at the PPV: if Jeff wins, he gets the gold medal.

They shake on it but Jeff’s music hits again.  Karen pops up through the stage like Angle does in a wheelchair.  She runs her mouth and Velvet Sky pops up behind her.  Velvet shoves Karen down the ramp and she crashes into Jeff, falling out of the chair.  Velvet’s music plays as the Jarretts regroup.

Gen Me says blood is thicker than water and they’re united tonight.

Bischoff gets a call from Hogan and tells him about the match tonight.  Apparently Hogan was successful in New York.

Back and the Jarretts complain some more.  Apparently Velvet faces Winter and Angelina tonight.

Generation Me vs. Matt Hardy/Eric Bischoff

No entrance for Gen Me.  Matt vs. Jeremy to start us off and Matt uses his size advantage to take over.  Gen Me speeds things up as is their custom and work on Matt’s arm.  Matt takes over for a bit but since it’s more or less a handicap match, Gen Me takes over again with double teaming.  Poetry in Motion to Matt and Jeremy takes him down with a spear.

Matt fights back but both guys do down.  Matt wants a tag and Bischoff freaks, allowing Jeremy to hit a frog splash to Matt’s back for two.  450 attempt eats knees as we’re told that Foley and Hogan will be here next week.  Ice Pick, that double underhook chokeout by Matt has Max out cold so Bischoff comes in for a kick and the academic pin at 6:07.

Rating: D. The match sucked and the burial/elimination of the X Division continues.  I’m not complaining, but at the same time is there a reason that on a show about the rebirth of wrestling to have Eric Bischoff get a pin?  The match itself was bad on top of that but I’ve seen worse.  The Bucks using high spots is always a plus.

Angelina is still in a trance and Winter has candles everywhere.  She says that it’ll be like it was before and kisses Angelina incredibly gently as they’re up next.

Angelina Love/Winter vs. Velvet Sky

Winter starts but Angelina is tagged in almost immediately.  Angelina still can’t be hurt apparently as she shoves Velvet into the corner and brings Winter back in.  Kick to the back gets two for Velvet.  Next week Angle and Jeff will be in the ring and pick each other’s opponents.  Jeff picked RVD apparently.  Velvet fights them both off and puts a chinlock on Angelina which gets her nowhere for the most part.

Angelina takes her down with a clothesline and next week it’s AJ/Daniels vs. Ray/Dreamer.  The implied lesbians tag in and out a lot and Velvet is in trouble.  Winter gets a spinning backbreaker and Angelina is brought back in again.  She moves all slowly and gets rolled up by Sky in a small package for the pin at 4:30.

Rating: D+. The match was pretty weak as Velvet is there to look hot and yell a lot and that’s about it.  Angelina plays that zombie roll to perfection, but I wish this angle would get somewhere already as it’s been going for months and we barely know anything at all.  Weak match as again they keep things short for the Knockouts, which is probably a good idea actually.

Post match ODB returns and beats up Velvet for no apparent reason.

Tessmacher is doing a photo shoot but Eric is the photographer and doesn’t have a camera.  He shows her how to do this by stripping down to his boxers and posing.  Gunner pops up and Eric wants to talk about respect.  Gunner hammers on him and leaves as Young says good job of working together bro.

Here’s Flair to call out Robert Roode.  Flair is ticked off about giving up to end Lethal Lockdown.  Roode says that was a war, not a wrestling match.  Flair says if the shoe was on the other foot, Roode would have been put out of wrestling.  Flair rants about mentoring Beer Money and how to be a man outside the ring also when it comes to getting drunk and getting laid.  Roode is going to be a man long after Flair leaves and that it’s now his time, not Flair’s.  Flair has changed colors in a matter of seconds.

Flair wants Roode to break his shoulder again right now and Roode says it’s over.  Flair says it isn’t and slaps Roode.  Roode grabs him and throws on the armbar again but here comes Immortal.  Remember that all of Fourtune has been taken out tonight already.  They get him down with relative ease and Ray whips him with the chain.  Ray tells Abyss to get two chairs and they do something similar to hammering a nail into Roode’s arm, probably breaking it.

Sting and Old Sting are up next.

Here comes Sting, as in the real Sting.  He says that he wants to praise RVD and that he got by on the skin of his teeth last Sunday.  His focus is still on Hogan and Bischoff and taking power from them.  Less than sixty seconds after he won on Sunday here was Anderson to jump him.  There go the lights and of course it’s Anderson in the old school attire.  He gets a bat shot and a Death Drop to Sting to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. I really was disappointed in tonight’s show.  This was supposed to be TNA’s big emergence as the wrestling company and we get five matches, the longest clocking in at just over six minutes, one being a total squash and two promos to end the show.  Also, Eric Bischoff gets to pin someone.  I don’t see how this is supposed to help anything as Immortal continues to have virtually no authority and yet is pushed to the moon time after time.  Tommy Dreamer is a full fledged heel.  Let that sink in for a minute.  Anyway, weak show tonight to say the least and not a good sign for the future if this is an indication.

Results

Tara/Miss Tessmacher/Mickie James b. Rosita/Sarita/Madison Rayne – Tara pinned Rosita after a Chokebomb

Abyss b. Kazarian – Black Hole Slam

Samoa Joe b. Amazing Red – Musclebuster

Eric Bischoff/Matt Hardy b. Generation Me – Bischoff pinned Max Buck after a kick to the head

Velvet Sky b. Angelina Love/Winter – Small Package to Love