In the 1990s, there were undeniably two major professional wrestling companies in America. However, there was also a third based out of Philadelphia known as ECW ECW ECW ECW ECW! You never can say those letters just once. Started by Paul Heyman (not really, but for the sake of time and space just go with that) in November 1993, ECW was originally a member of the beast that will never die known as the National Wrestling Alliance.

Following the complete and utter mess that was the Flair issue with the belt in 91, the NWA Title meant absolutely nothing. Despite the territory system having in effect died seven years earlier, the NWA decided that everything was just fine with it and kept going with it.

There are a lot of reasons why you don’t see the NWA on a national level anymore and their refusal to just let go of the past is probably the biggest of those reasons. Anyway, after there was no champion because of Flair and that mess which I’ve covered before, they took their biggest territory left, Eastern Championship Wrestling, and held a tournament there for the NWA Title.

On August 27, 1994, the NWA held their tournament in Philadelphia with Shane Douglas getting the win over 2 Cold Scorpio. He then famously threw the belt down and said that the ECW Title was the real world title. The next day, Eastern Championship Wrestling folded and we had Extreme Championship Wrestling, no longer affiliated with the NWA, in its place.

For about two years, ECW continued to grow with completely rabid fans. They managed to get on New York television, which doesn’t sound like much but that means going from an audience of about 4000 people a show in the arena to about 10 million people that got that station. That’s a huge jump.

Eventually this tiny company got big enough that they were ready for the next huge step: Pay Per View. Their first PPV, Barely Legal, aired on April 13, 1997. ECW was out of business in less than four years due to a ton of reasons that literally books have been written about so I’ll spare you the long and drawn out history that you can find written by better writers elsewhere.

Anyway, I’m going to be reviewing all 21 original ECW PPVs plus the two One Night Stand shows and December 2 Dismember which were produced by WWE, and a series of shows produced by Shane Douglas in 2005. I’ll be looking at the nationally distributed product that ECW produced, hopefully in order, to try to see if this company was all it was cracked up to be.

Note that these will not be released one a day, but rather I’ll put them up once I get each one done. It saves a lot of headaches for me and I’ll get them done before the summer this way. That being said, let’s get going.

One more note before we get to this: I know very little about the original ECW. I was in a market where we got it maybe once every three or four weeks at 4am on Friday nights. Before they got on TNN, I had seen one show, which was the first after Raven left. After that, I didn’t even hear about ECW until 18 months later when a friend of mine mentioned that he was hooked on it.

He showed me some pics of it (on a site he introduced me to called Wrestlezone.com I might add) and I thought it was cool looking. Later I finally got to watch it and I indeed liked what I saw. They were off the air a year later so there we are. Anyway, the historical context here will be a bit lacking, so be forewarned.

Barely Legal
Date: April 13, 1997
Location: ECW Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Attendance: 1170
Commentator: Joey Styles

Welcome to the show that nearly wasn’t. This show was a nightmare to actually get on the air for several reasons. First of all, it’s difficult to get a tiny independent company on PPV. Second, there was a little thing called the Mass Transit Incident.

There was a show in Revere, Massachusetts where one of the wrestlers didn’t make it to the show for a match with D-Von Dudley against the Gangstas, so there was a replacement. This guy was about 400lbs and more or less a kid. He somehow convinced Heyman (who was an idiot for taking the kid at his word but whatever) that Killer Kowalski had trained him, so Heyman let him in.

Not only was the kid not a trained wrestler, but he was 17. Naturally, all heck broke loose over this, and ECW was thrown off of PPV. After a ton of begging from Heyman though, they got back on in April at a different time slot than anyone else got.

Now that I’ve gotten the nonsense from the Rise and Fall of ECW out of the way, let’s take a look at this thing. Your main event here is Raven defending against the winner of a three way dance held earlier in the night. To me, this is stupid. It sounds like something off of a house show.

The key thing to selling a PPV is to have a match worth buying. By not telling the fans what they’re going to be paying their money to see, what’s the point in buying the show? I just don’t get that. It’s smart to have Raven, your world champion, fighting in the main event, but to not say against who is just out there.

The participants in the three way are Sandman, Stevie Richards and Terry Funk, which is another headscratcher as Raven was, since it was the 1990s and they were in ECW, feuding with Tommy Dreamer. Anyway, I’ve criticized this enough already and I’ve never seen any ECW PPV all the way through so let’s get through this.

Dude dig that “demonic” ECW theme song! If there was one thing ECW always got right, it was their music. We open up with Joey Styles in the ring and the most famous chant in wrestling history of course. Styles is freaking hard to understand. I’d chalk it up to bad equipment which is understandable here I guess.

As he’s running down the card, the Dudleys come out, along with Sign Guy Dudley who Lodi would later rip off in WCW, and Joel Gertner, who was rather funny as an announcer. The heat here is greatness. Also, the tag belts look like the old Intercontinental title.

In something I’m going to have to get used to, we get an F YOU D-VON chant. The mic keeps screaming as D-Von is cutting his promo. He runs down the crowd with some basic insults but has a great delivery to do so with. We go from that into…the intro?

Yeah, for some reason we cut to the actual intro to the show and run through the theme song again although it’s a bit slower this time and there’s a different video package that looks more like a traditional intro to a TV show. What the heck is up with that? Why would you have it once, then do a promo, then do it again? That’s just odd indeed.

Anyway, we’re back in the arena now with Joel Gertner talking, which should at least be funny. No not really as he just does his team’s introduction. It’s weird seeing the Dudleys in their original forms. I think I like it.

Tag Titles: Dudley Boys vs. Eliminators

The Eliminators are Perry Saturn and John Kronus. Saturn had wanted to call the team the Harvesters of Sorrow but didn’t think enough people would get the reference. I doubt most of you will either, so the reference is that Saturn and Kronus were the gods of the harvest in Roman and Greek mythology. Yeah that was never going to work. I’m having a hard time getting into them as they’re wearing pink tights but there we go.

Sign Guy stays in the ring and takes a botched Total Elimination, which is a leg sweep/spinning heel kick combination. Saturn did the leg sweep but he didn’t sweep that well. Anyway, after a harmless manager is beaten up to cheers, I think I’m starting to get what I’m dealing with here. The heels jump them from behind as Bubba drops both an F bomb and a powerbomb.

Styles does the commentary alone on PPVs, which definitely takes some getting used to. This match is doing kind of a back and forth thing but they’re going way too fast with it. One team will be in control for 30 seconds and then the other will take over. There’s also little to no tagging. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone on the apron yet, although we’re only about two minutes into the match.

The Eliminator are reminding me a lot of the Motor City Machine Guns and the Rockers. They use a pair of Trouble in Paradises to put Bubba down. I wonder if Kofi is from Dudleyville. He’s been from everywhere else so why not? They follow that up by being secure enough in their masculinity for a long hug while wearing pink tights. Well ok then.

Kronus throws a pretty sweet handspring backflip moonsault over the ropes to take out everyone. Another thing that’s very different here is the lack of space between the ring and the railings. It’s difficult to maneuver out there if nothing else. Seconds later, Kronus does another of the same move but this time into the corner instead of over the ropes, making it a much less impressive spot and taking away from the first one.

I don’t care what company you’re in, that’s a stupid thing to do. I’ve always loved the way Saturn dropped elbows. They’re just sweet looking. Bubba is said to be 370-375, which would make D-Von about 250. Yeah I’m not buying that at all. This is turning into an X Division match as it’s all high spots with no apparent rhyme or reason to them at all from the Eliminators.

The champions are getting completely squashed here and they get pinned after Total Elimination. That’s it? Dude that was a 6 minute destruction. Well if nothing else it’s a hot way to open the show so I’ll give them that. Gertner continues showing off that Ivy League education (legit) of his by saying that by his score, the Dudleys won. A Total Elimination later and the new champions are heading to the back.

He would start wearing a neck brace because of that, and would break Orton’s record of milking an injury by still wearing it into 2005. That’s a very severe injury and those fans should be embarrassed for cheering it. Yeah that’s not going to work at all so I’m moving on.

Rating: C-. So the first ECW PPV match ever is a glorified squash. Well that’s ok I guess, but the lack of anything remotely resembling a flow here hurt it for me. It was like they were going for a highlight reel or something. Also, I can get having the Eliminators dominate, but it makes very little sense to have them be in trouble for the first 30 seconds and then have the Dudleys have maybe another 30 seconds later on of offense.

It came off to me like high spots for the sake of high spots, which I guess if you’re trying to keep new viewers around is a good idea, but the lack of a flow was just killing this match for me as it made it feel like a bunch of rookies wrestling.

Apparently Chris Candido is injured and can’t wrestle. He says that he’s been all over the world and now he’s back in Philly. This is getting a very mild reaction to say the best. He runs down all three guys in the three way before we go to the match. This was kind of pointless.

Rob Van Dam vs. Lance Storm

So Van Dam is the replacement? That’s a heck of a sub. He looks weird without his gloves on. Styles is really getting on my nerves. You don’t have to call every single move. This is television, not radio. We can see what’s going on and contrary to popular belief, some of us know a few wrestling move names.

The dynamic here is completely different that it was before and maybe it’s due to the familiarity of the guys in there but this feels like a far higher quality match. The finger point thing gets zero response. And now we get to the reason why I couldn’t get into ECW. We have a solid match going here between two guys that are certainly talented enough to be out there on their own and deliver a good match.

So what does Van Dam do? He goes and gets a chair. Yeah the pelting of it at Storm looked and sounded great, but seriously, why was it needed? One thing ECW never was able to understand was the idea of less being more at times, which would have certainly been the case here. Van Dam is called a sell out here as he was actually doing some stuff in the WWF around this time and if you’re in ECW that means you might as well be a demon or something.

Ok I know I criticized the chair but the chair surf thing has always been something I’ve loved. Storm kicks out of the frog splash that I guess was only four stars. I love how a move can gain the ability to win a match as the guy doing it goes higher up on the card. Shawn Michaels used the superkick for years and it was just a run of the mill move. God bless kayfabe and star power I suppose.

In a little sequence that I like, Van Dam misses a spin kick so Storm does the same move and hits it. I guess he got serious all of a sudden after getting his teeth kicked in for awhile. For the third time in two matches, we see a handspring move. People, watch the match in the back please. It looks freaking stupid otherwise.

We do the same thing as before (again) as Storm gets what would become the Canadian Mapleleaf on Van Dam but it’s just a standard move at this point. The Van Daminator misses and Storm gets the chair for the weakest looking chair shot I’ve ever seen. The fans boo the heck out of it so if nothing else they’re consistent.

Van Dam goes for a springboard move and botches the heck out of it (to be fair it was a difficult move) and you know what chant is coming. Storm somehow has a weaker chair shot the second time around. Naturally this gets more booing, and the wrestling fan in me is shaking his head. Is it really that bad of a thing that Storm is a good wrestler and doesn’t want to use weapons? Seriously, it’s not the end of the world. That right there is why it never appealed to the masses. Can you imagine someone that grew up on Flair and Anderson being sold on this?

Anyway, the Van Daminator and a standing moonsault end this. Storm offers a handshake and RVD gets a mic, saying that’s not his style. He then cuts a mostly shoot promo on Heyman and ECW by asking why he wasn’t on the card and was only a replacement. He implies he might go to the WWF or WCW which gets him great heat.

Rating: B-. If not for the completely unneeded chair, this would be a much higher rating. These two had a very solid match and it worked very well I thought. It was completely different from the first match and made me have a much better feeling about the show. The first match was a highlight reel match, but there was a flow here, although the ending could have been far better.

Dick Togo/Terry Boy/Taka Michinoku vs. Great Sasuke/Gran Hamada/Gran Naniwa

I know some of these guys, but I have no idea if I’ll be able to tell them apart in the ring. This was a major component to ECW so if nothing else they’re sticking to their guns here. If nothing else there’s a guy here named Dick To Go. Oh come on you knew I had to make that joke.

Team Taka is BWO Japan here to continue that running joke. Hamada might be taller than Rey Mysterio but I’m not sure. Sasuke gets a very solid pop here as he’s easily the most famous of the people in there. This really is an international match. Only here could Japanese guys use an Irish Whip to set up a Boston Crab in Philadelphia. It’s very weird to see Taka being taken completely seriously as a wrestler. This referee is counting REALLY slowly.

Hey let’s say WOO when someone uses a chop. No one has ever done that before. Styles says Irish Whip for the 5th time inside of two minutes. I know that can be blamed on the wrestlers, but geez can you come up with something to vary it up a bit? You can’t say he’s sent into the ropes?

They’re doing the smart thing here and not trying to give much of an explanation as to why these guys would be on either team and just singing their praises. That was the best thing WCW could have done as they gave us reasons to care about the guys we saw.

They mention various accomplishments these guys have, one of which is most Irish Whips this side of a Belfast dominatrix I think, instead of just saying that they’re big stars like WWF would do. This Taka I would have liked in the WWF. Instead we got a guy that was the size of a cruiserweight but wrestled a heavyweight style.

In a cool spot, the BWO use Sasuke as a prop to pose on. That’s very cool looking actually. The BWO works really well together for a three man team. Ok, seriously, that’s the tenth time Styles has said Irish Whip. WE GET IT. Hey there’s a handspring elbow. We haven’t seen that in the last 15 minutes so it must be ok to use it again. Well if nothing else there hasn’t been a single dead spot out here.

In an innovative spot, Terry Boy starts with a chokeslam and ends up with a powerbomb. That was very different. What isn’t different is the 11th Irish Whip into the 4th jumping swinging DDT of the match. It’s cool once. It’s repetitive four times. For no apparent reason we have a chair shot on the floor. Back in the ring, Sasuke just goes insane on Taka and hits him with about four big power moves in a row before ending him with a Tiger Suplex. That was a cool ending.

Rating: C+. This was much better than the first match, but I think that’s because it was supposed to be different. The first was supposed to be a hard hitting fight while this was billed as a high flying spotfest and was a high flying spotfest. There’s not a thing wrong with that either. However, the repetitive spots and the announcing of Styles made me want to pull my hair out. Seriously baby kangaroo, you don’t have to call every single thing that happens. We have eyes.

With no transition at all, Francine is here with Shane Douglas. She looks good if nothing else, but she’s coming out with a riot squad. Shane is TV Champion here. He talks about beating up Pitbull #1, Gary Wolfe, and hurting his neck. The match tonight is against Pitbull #2.

TV Title: Pitbull#2 vs. Shane Douglas

If Pitbull loses, a masked man that might be Rick Rude has to unmask. It’s a shame that Shane was so much of a jerk. If he hadn’t been we could have hated him for being an overrated wrestler like we should have done all along. That being said this is starting out pretty well if nothing else as apparently the last match wasn’t the only Lucky Charms special of the night as we get two Irish Whip calls in 10 seconds.

I have no issue with the move, but rather Styles telling us it’s happening that often. The Pitbulls had a good look to them. If they hadn’t been drug addicted monsters they could have been a very good team. You know once ECW calms down, they could be downright entertaining. That’s what this match is proving.

They’re working a much slower and more methodical pace and it’s a great contrast to what we’ve had in the first three matches. A “she’s got herpes” chant helps things a bit too. Francine is wearing a black bra and thong with a see through baby doll over it and since her back is to the camera she’s a bit of a distraction.

You know his name is Anthony Durante but they keep calling him Pitbull #2. What sounds better to you: Anthony Durante or something that sounds like a bad joke? They refer to his partner by name, so why not the guy wrestling? Speaking of the partner, he jumps the railing and beats up Douglas and for the first time in wrestling history, he’s taken out.

The guard rail itself is brought into the ring. That’s a great thing to do with a crowd this wild: give them a way in while they chant WE WANT BLOOD. In a painful looking spot, Douglas drops the railing over the top rope (that felt odd to type) and it hits Durante in the back. That looked sick. What is with the weak chair shots tonight? That was horrible, though not as bad as Storm’s.

In a moment that made me laugh out loud, Styles says that Douglas earned his reputation in the ring and not repelling from ceilings, which is a jab at Sting. Ok, stop for a second. Number one, Sting vs. Hogan drew more money in one night than ECW probably made in 6 months. Second, Douglas bailed on ECW more than once to go running back to WCW.

Finally, to compare Douglas to Sting as far as wrestling ability or drawing power goes is downright laughable. Sting is one of the best in ring workers of all time. Douglas is good, but while he was winning midcard titles in a glorified indy company, Sting was main eventing the biggest show in company history for the world title in one of the biggest matches of all time.

It’s one thing to take shots at WCW and Bischoff, but there’s no way that one was anywhere close to being valid. This is a pretty solid good match. For one thing the weapons have been used but downplayed here. As I’ve said before, at the end of the day it’s about the wrestling at the end of the day. If you have good wrestling, you will be successful.

Durante isn’t that good in the ring but for what he can do, which is basic power/big man stuff, he does it pretty well. Just as I say that he throws a decent dropkick. Not bad at all. In a dumb spot, Francine sneaks Shane some brass knuckles. Why? Seconds after he hits Durante with them he breaks a piece of a table over his head in plain sight of the ref. Why would she have to sneak them to him?

Dang it I brag on this match and now we have to bring in more weapons. Ok, two shots with knuckles (which I believe are considered a deadly weapon), a table, a chair and a bell can’t pin him? Oh and now, 30 seconds later, he’s in control again. There’s being tough and then there’s being completely ridiculous. One thing about ECW referees: THEY COUNT TOO FREAKING FAST!!!

A typical referee would be at two by the time they’ve counted three. Candido comes out and does absolutely nothing but apparently he’s part of the new Triple Threat, which was like the Horsemen of WCW, along with Douglas. OH COME ON. All those shots to the FREAKING HEAD can’t pin him but a belly to belly suplex can? Ok that’s just stupid.

The masked man starts talking in Rude’s voice and says, in the most read off a script promo I’ve ever heard in my time as a wrestling fan, that he’ll unmask in exchange for the girl. He comes out in a Rude robe and Douglas attacks him. In the most obvious swerve of all time, Rude is in riot gear behind Douglas and the masked man is Brian Lee. They beat him up and stand tall as the heels leave together.

Rating: B+. Ridiculous ending aside, I really liked this match. There was a simple reason for it as one partner is trying to avenge the other. Sometimes that’s all you need. The weapons were downplayed here which is a major perk for me as I’m not a fan of them. This is a great example of ECW toning things down and making them appeal to the masses more, which is always a good thing.

Taz vs. Sabu

This is one of the main events here. They’re former tag partners that hate each other now. They have been building to this match for a year, so that’s about all there is to it. The intro for Taz is great as he has his own entourage. No Jeremy Piven jokes coming.

In a weird moment, we’re in a close up of Taz and Joey is talking about the Tazmission and Sabu jumps over the ropes for the introductions. That just came from nowhere. I’ve yet to see a good match out of genie pants but we’ll see if it works here. Fonzie is Taz’s manager at this point too. Sabu manages to block the Tazmission which never happened back then.

We’re doing a wrestling style here which I like a lot better than starting with wild brawling. It plays to Taz’s strengths better and I’d much rather have him calling the match rather than Sabu. The man with more adjectives than Schoolhouse Rock has a broken nose from a Taz punch. Naturally we hit the crowd for a bit and of course Sabu does a huge spot to get there.

After a lot of brawling that we couldn’t see any of because there were no cameras out there, we’re back in the ring and surprisingly on the mat. In something that I’m very glad about they’re doing about 80% standard stuff here which is really making me buy into this match more than before. Sabu is trying to get a few shots in here and there which is actually working.

Sabu gets a running springboard spot but misses everything. I mean Taz just stands there and watches him crash. They set up a table between the guard rail and the apron. Sabu goes for a swinging DDT and shocking no one, he winds up going through it in what looked like another botch. This match is certainly intense.

They’re definitely making sense here as when it’s slow paced Taz controls it but when it’s fast paced the guy that Van Dam carried to an allegedly good tag team is in control. In something I’ve never seen before, Sabu stands on the post and jumps to the ropes for a bigger bounce to hit a guillotine legdrop. Not bad at all.

Taz just goes insane and starts suplexing the heck out of Sabu. Other than a quick break where Sabu uses a T-bone Tazplex and the Tazmission on Taz which is funny, Taz hits like three more suplexes to more or less kill Sabu and then the Tazmission is academic.

Taz says gets on the mic and says good match and that he would love a rematch and he wants a handshake. Sabu does it and raises Taz’s hand. Van Dam comes in and hits Taz and when Taz goes for him, Sabu goes after Taz as well. They put him on a table and Sabu goes for a big running spot. Say it with me: BOTCHED. Fonzie turns on Taz and leaves with Van Dam and Bazoo. Van Dam says he would love to work Mondays.

Rating: B+. Again, they kept the weapons use to where it made sense here and the match went way up as a result of it. These two were beating the tar out of each other and the psychology was there. However, the flat out stupid looking things Sabu did really hurt it here. There were two big spots where he did stuff that was just bad looking. That and the times where they were brawling in the crowd and you had no idea what was going on bring this down from a much better grade.

Joey introduces Tommy Dreamer, and the only woman that could give Sunny a run for her money as sexiest woman in wrestling history: Beaulah. They’ll be doing commentary on the final two matches. Now, this brings up something very interesting that for the life of me I will never get: why was Dreamer, arguably the second biggest face if not the biggest face in the company, wrestling on this show?

It didn’t have to be in the main event, but you would think he would have been on here SOMEWHERE. If it had been me booking the show, I would have had Dreamer vs. Raven with Dreamer finally getting the win. I mean, he got the win over Raven less than two months after this so it’s not like the feud would go on much longer anyway.

I guess that they didn’t know Raven was leaving at this time which would explain part of it I guess, but what better way to end the show than with Dreamer finally beating Raven and overcoming the odds? But I digress.

Stevie Richards vs. Sandman vs. Terry Funk

Richards has said he has no idea why he was in this match and I can’t think of one either. He was the leader of the BWO at the time, along with Nova and Meanie, and here they have Thomas Rodman and 7-11 with them. 7-11 was Rob Feinstein, who would later own ROH.

This was a really well done parody that worked for one major reason: they kept it going. That’s the problem with most parodies: they stop doing them after a week or two. This thing went on for years. They’re getting a heck of a reaction if nothing else. Also, let me make sure I have this straight. We’re getting Stevie, a parody wrestler, instead of Dreamer, a more popular and better wrestler. There’s one of the reasons I have a hard time accepting ECW.

Sandman comes out to a Motorhead cover of Enter Sandman through the entrance, which gets a noticeably lesser pop than usual. It just doesn’t sound right at all. In something that might surprise you, he and Dreamer were my favorite old school ECW guys. DAng it why do there have to be all those license fees for songs? They don’t exist on the radio. You’re getting awesome play for your song. Also, it’s freaking Enter Sandman.

It’s not like no one has ever heard of it before. Yeah I’m sure that ECW is going to try to take credit for it. Funk, at this point just 52 years old, comes out to no music. Apparently Dreamer was supposed to be in this but he gave up the spot to Funk, which is fine from a storyline perspective but from a booking perspective it makes me scratch my head a bit. Dreamer was a major star at this point, granted not as big as Funk, but Stevie over Dreamer?

That just doesn’t make anything resembling sense. Dreamer finally starts talking after waiting around doing nothing the entire time. Stevie just doesn’t fit in there at all. Terry really is a big deal here as he came to ECW when no other big name would. He gave them instant credibility as he allowed these young guys to have someone to get over with. We’ll ignore the fact that the NWA made Funk big since ECW is completely anti-NWA.

Funk busts out the spinning toe hold which hasn’t been used in at least an hour as Terry Boy used it. Yeah that’s one of the foreign things as Terry Boy uses a lot of Funk’s offense as a tribute. That’s fine, but it’s like listening to a cover band. If I want to hear the same stuff, I’ll go listen to the real band.

Speaking of repeating spots, Funk uses four straight neckbreakers. For some reason this gets a pop from the crowd. Oh because it’s from ECW. I get it. Ladder is brought in. Dreamer is more or less worthless on the mic.  GASP! STYLES WAS WRONG! He says Funk is 53 here. Since Joey Styles is the second coming, he could never be wrong!

I mean he’s perfect in every way shape and form, so apparently he has the power to bend time and make it after June 10, Funk’s birthday, so he’s 53 now! Yeah I’m sure he’s capable of doing so. The shots he takes at WCW and WWF are just hilarious. I wonder if they actually believed half the nonsense they said.

Hey look, it’s more pointless ladder spots for the sake of having pointless ladder spots to prevent us from actually having to tell a story or use psychology in this match. That’s so cute. Funk does the spinning ladder spot that for some reason is considered genius. Styles says 53 again. Stevie gets a solid kick to the face of Sandman, but since this is EXTREME, finishers don’t work.

Dreamer barely talks. I forgot he was there for about 5 minutes. That’s my main issue with Japanese wrestling for the most part: the kicking out of finisher after finisher. What’s the point of having a finisher if it never gets the pin? So many of these classics turn into nothing but kicking out of finishers to the point where it takes 3-4 of them to end a freaking match.

That kind of kills any credibility the move has. If you’re going to keep using it over and over until you get the pin, why not just punch the guy into unconsciousness? That just kills the atmosphere for me. Once in awhile is fine, but not 3-4 times in a match. Anyway, xeno-wrestling-phobic rant over.

While Stevie and Funk fight Sandman has gone to the back for some reason. Oh he got a trash can. He throws it from the floor into the ring and it hits on Funk’s head, probably giving him a concussion, so the fans cheer for it loudly. Oh apparently it’s wrapped in steel. So in other words, Funk should be dead.

This right here is why I hate ECW. It ceases being wrestling and becomes a freak show at this point. Now yes, there’s been some great stuff here tonight, but in no way, shape or form is most of this needed. Terry Funk and Stevie are good enough wrestlers to be able to work a decent match on their own.

I can understand a few weapons here and there, but much like in the Douglas Durante match, when one of the guys should be legally dead given the abuse he takes but kicks out at two, that’s just ridiculous.

Now I know what a lot of you might be thinking. Yes, Mick Foley is my favorite wrestler, but keep something in mind: his insane violence came in spurts. He would only have the ultra violent matches once every few months. He had a ton of matches where he would get hit with a chair, but it rarely got to the insane point that ECW got to on a nightly basis.

After retirement, Foley would come back once in awhile and have a big time hardcore match. The key to it was that there was maybe one of those every six months. It gave the fans a chance to forget what had happened and the next time it happened, it was far more shocking.

When you do it every single show, it stops being impressive and becomes stupid looking, which is already happening in one show. There have been matches where there was absolutely no need for any kind of weapons use, such as the six man or Van Dam/Storm. Why did those guys need a chair? Storm clearly wasn’t comfortable using it and it messed up the match and got him a heel pop when he was the face. That’s why they’re unneeded.

Anyway, Stevie goes out due to Funk and we have barb wire now. Sandman puts it around his body and does a top rope leg as his body is bleeding. This is just stupid at this point. Stevie is still here for no apparent reason. Stevie kicks Sandman and Funk hits the really bad moonsault to put himself in the main event. Dreamer spoke all of 5 times in the whole 20 minute match.

Rating: D+. The weapons sucked the life out of this for me. Now before I get a ton of ECW fan boys that can’t form coherent sentences, let me explain. Yes, I get that ECW is a hardcore company. Yes, I get that Sandman can’t work a regular match longer than 2 minutes without swinging a chair or something.

That’s the point: Funk and Richards and Dreamer could have worked a solid match. Throw Sandman in there and have him go out first then have a regular match. If ECW wanted to be mainstream and legit, then they need to have legit wrestlers and legit matches instead of the hardcore all the time. This went over the top again, and while that would be fine if it hadn’t happened already tonight, it had happened in almost every match. That’s too much.

Raven is already in the ring, so that leads us straight into this.

ECW World Title: Raven vs. Terry Funk

Well since it’s the most obvious ending in the world at this point, I have to ask: what’s the point in having Funk, an old man, go through a 20 minute match and then beat your young and fresh world champion? That kind of defeats the point of having Funk putting Raven over. Dreamer says he can’t do commentary and asks Joey to leave him alone for this match.

He didn’t do commentary for the last match so I don’t really see the difference. Naturally he starts talking even more after he says that so there we are. The doctor comes out to check on Funk as the people chant for Tommy. He says he can’t do anything. I’ll put the over under at 3 minutes. So Dreamer says he can’t do commentary, and now he starts cutting Joey off.

And here’s our table. Yeah it had to happen. Joey asks the logical question: what good is the ECW Title if you’re crippled? Tommy says Joey isn’t an athlete and can’t understand. Ok, there’s being intense and loving the sport and then there’s just being a freaking idiot. That’s what this has become. So, Styles doesn’t understand being crippled? Yeah that makes perfect sense if anything ever has.

Raven gets a running dive over the ropes to put Funk through a table and Styles plugs the next PPV. Raven hits a doctor. Screw that medical garbage. A bunch of Raven lackies including some person that I think is a woman comes out. She botches a sitout powerbomb BAD. Raven says he’s going to end Funk’s career right in front of Dreamer.

Big Dick Dudley jumps Dreamer as Raven hits a DDT on the referee. Dreamer fights back and hits a chokeslam (read as shoves) on Dudley through the tables (read as he hits the first and misses most of the other two). Naturally this is the coolest thing of all time because it wasn’t but ECW claims it is anyway. Dreamer leaves the broadcast table and beats up Raven’s Nest.

Not that we can see this or anything mind you as the camera is on Raven standing in the ring. Yes just standing. He’s not actually doing anything but this is far more interesting than the fight that’s going on of course. Dreamer hits a DDT on Raven as Funk gyrates on the mat. That gets two, and then in a completely stupid spot, Funk rolls Raven up literally 4 seconds later for the pin.

I’d bet the DDT was supposed to be the ending but Raven kicked out by mistake. Dreamer and Funk celebrate in the crowd as we go off the air and then the circuit blows up and kills the already over feed 10 seconds later.

Rating: D-. From bell to bell, this was about seven and a half minutes long. Raven and Funk interacted for about a minute at most. I originally gave this an F but switched it because Funk winning the title is a cool moment I suppose.

However, the interaction between the two combatants was this: Raven kicks him in the head a lot, Raven hits him with a table, Raven puts him through a table, Raven gets covered, Raven gets rolled up and pinned. This wasn’t a match. This was a minute of interaction, then the doctor checking on Funk, then 5 of Dreamer fighting everyone to give Funk the title.

This was complete crap despite the decent ending. Read my review of the main event again. How much in there is Raven interacting with Funk? That’s why this match was crap.

Overall Rating: C-. And that’s being very generous. This show is ok at it’s very best. The best match is Durante vs. Douglas and the completely ridiculous kick outs make that decent at best. That’s the issue here: this is completely unrealistic. Now I know all the ECW fans are going to say how great it was and they’re right.

For a complete freak show that belongs in tiny arenas once a month, yeah this was great. For a major show that’s the first attempt at going national by a small company, this was just barely ok. The weapons were freaking ridiculous here and something tells me that this is a walk in the park compared to what’s coming.

There’s zero need for the weapons in a lot of these matches, or at least there’s zero need for them being used this much. Also, for the life of me I don’t get why this wasn’t Dreamer vs. Raven for the title with Raven finally going down to Tommy. The most amusing part of this is that Funk was brought in to get the spotlight on the young guys and get them over yet he winds up being the focus of their first show and taking the title from one of the young guys that he was brought in to help.

This should be seen once though as it is indeed an historic show. It’s not great, but to be fair, ECW really didn’t know how to run a PPV yet. Wrestlemania was horrible when it debuted, so I’ll give this the benefit of the doubt.

Monday Night Raw
Date: January 31, 2011
Location: Dunkin’ Donuts Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Commentators: Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially on the Road to Wrestlemania now with our Royal Rumble winner being Alberto Del Rio.  Tonight he’s making his selection for an opponent at Wrestlemania.  It’ll be interesting to see if that match stands up past the Elimination Chamber but still it’s fun to see.  Also we see who is next to face Miz which appears to be Cena.  This is one of the most exciting times of the year, so let’s get to it.

Edge vs. Miz tonight and there must be a winner due to the interference last week.

Here’s Alberto for the big announcement to start the show.  He brings out a Mariachi band (King: they need more cowbell) to play Alberto’s theme song.  He comes out in a sweet 2011 Mercedes which he bought as a celebration present to himself.  Alberto says he said he’d win the Rumble and that he told us so.  Ricardo repeats individual lines that Alberto says.  He says this Mariachi band only performs for the Mexican President and him.  They’re real music, not Justin Bieber.

Alberto picks the…sera?  I’m not sure what he said but it wasn’t picking a title.  Instead here’s Miz to hear the announcement himself.  It sounded like a moderate face pop for actually.  He congratulates Alberto and says that he’ll be champion at Mania while Edge will lose in the Elimination Chamber.  Miz heard Edge talking trash about Del Rio last night, including saying the cars are rentals.  Del Rio thinks this is a ploy, but here comes Edge to a big pop.

Edge says he doesn’t like or respect Del Rio.  He wouldn’t say those things behind his back though as he’d say them to his face instead.  Edge will be champion at Mania and is the Rated R Superstar, which was said with a Spanish accent.  Del Rio picks Edge and Edge drills him.  Miz and Riley bail so Del Rio can jump Edge.  He breaks the guitar over the arm of Edge and locks on the Cross Armbreaker which has Edge tapping it seems.  Injury angle perhaps?

Nexus vs. Santino/Kozlov for the titles next.

Back and we recap the previous segment and get an E-Mail.  Tonight there’s a Raw Rumble Match.  Seven people in it and the winner gets Miz at Elimination Chamber.  The other six go into the Chamber, I’d assume for the shot at Mania but that isn’t specified.  Tonight it’s Orton vs. Punk vs. Morrison vs. R-Truth vs. Sheamus vs. Jerry Lawler vs. John Cena.  So wait, Lawler is either getting a PPV Title match or will be in the Elimination Chamber?  That’s uh…not going to go well I don’t think.

Tag Titles: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Michael McGillicutty/Husky Harris

Santino vs. Michael to start.  We talk about Santino almost pulling off the miracle last night which was mind blowing for various reasons.  Michael puts him in the corner to start but misses a Stinger Splash.  Off to Vladimir now who hammers away but gets caught in the knee to shift momentum.  Santino and Husky in now with Husky actually losing for a bit.

A cross body by Santino runs into more or less a wall though and Nexus controls again.  Neckbreaker by McGillicutty gets two and Santino is sent to the floor as we take a break.  Back with Michael getting two on Santino.  Santino finally breaks the momentum and it’s off to Harris and Kozlov, who actually gets a solid pop.  Everything breaks down and Santino gets a tag.  He gets the Cobra to Harris for the pin to retain at 9:12.

Rating: C. Not bad here but more or less completely average.  The ending kind of surprised me but with Kozlov and Santino being so popular at the moment it makes no sense to not keep the belts on them.  The match itself was fine but nothing special.  Just a TV tag match and that’s all it needed to be.

As the champions leave, Orton hits the ring and it’s an RKO to McGillicutty!  He hears voices and sets to punt Harris but Punk pops up to say don’t do it.  Otunga, Ryan and Punk stand on the stage as Orton is waiting in the ring.  It should be noted that Harris took the Cobra and has been down over three minutes now.  He’s on his knees with his head on the mat but hasn’t been up yet.  Now THAT is selling.

Punk says if you punt Harris there will be consequences.  After a long pause, he pulls back but then punts Harris anyway.  Orton runs through the crowd to avoid the beatdown.  Harris is out cold and that’s probably the last we’ll see of him for awhile.  Punk and Orton stare at each other as we go to a break.

Back with a clip of what we just saw and the announcers talking a bit.  Ted DiBiase and Maryse come out to criticize Jerry for hanging on too long.  Ted wants Jerry’s spot tonight.  In the jaw dropping moment of the night, MICHAEL COLE defends Jerry, saying that he’s a legend and Ted needs to chill.  Jerry says he’s been here for 18 years and has never had a match at Wrestlemania because his Road to Wrestlemania has always been under construction.  His road begins tonight with the Raw Rumble.

Ted hits him and runs so Jerry goes after him.  Ted hides behind Maryse, who slaps the heck out of Ted, likely breaking up with him.  Jerry drills him as well and is ready to fight.  Cole yells at him for trying to hog the spotlight but reminds him that Jerry can’t hit him.  I kind of hope they’re leading up to Cole vs. Lawler at Mania.

We get a video of someone walking into what looks like a shack but it’s way too dark to see.  There’s rain everywhere and you can’t see anything.  The date 2-21-11 pops up on screen, which is the day after Elimination Chamber.

Back in the arena and the Bellas are at ringside for this match.

Tyson Kidd vs. Daniel Bryan

 

No word on if this is a title match or not.  The Bellas are asked about the bet and they ask if Cole has ever seen Cruel Intentions.  If you haven’t seen it the two main characters bet that the main guy can’t sleep with a certain woman.  The Bellas are the focal point here and it’s not like it matters.  LeBell Lock ends it at 1:48.  No rating of course.  Gail and Bryan make out post match.  The Bellas come in and we get a catfight.

Edge vs. Miz is next.

Edge vs. The Miz

 

No entrances but we get big match intros.  Edge controls early with basic stuff.  Riley pulls Miz to the floor and Miz gets some shots into the arm.  Miz gets two on Edge as it occurs to me that the video could have been Sting.  Kind of fits and could set up to Mania.  I doubt it but it’s possible.  Anyway Miz throws on an armbar as we talk about the main event.  This goes on for a long time until Edge finally gets a rope for the break.

And now we’re right back to the armbar.  I love in ring psychology but there comes a point where it makes matches boring.  They both get big boots and both men are down.  Edge gets a flapjack with the bad arm and stays down for a bit because of it.  See, that’s how you sell an injury: have it affect your match.  Sunset flip gets two for Edge and a boot gets two for Miz.

Edgecution gets no cover as Edge sets for the spear.  Riley sends him into the buckle and….here’s Cena.  He’s up in the guest box and starts a “Miz is awful” chant.  That’s enough for the spear to end Miz at 8:50.  Cole calls Edge and Cena buddies.  I love the total lack of continuity in WWE.  Cole helps Miz out and yells at Riley about Cena.

Rating: D+. This was rather boring and that’s mainly due to the armbars.  They make perfect sense but at the same time they’re boring.  Cena getting involved makes perfect sense though and it doesn’t make Miz look that bad since he had Edge beat.  This was ok but it dragged way too much to give it a solid grade.

Steve Austin will be hosting Tough Enough.  Yeah that might get them some ratings.

Here’s Vickie to say that Edge’s title is in trouble as Edge will defend the title in a way that it has never been defended before.  It’s not specified what though.

Natalya/Eve Torres vs. Laycool

 

We get a clip of Laycool making up for their blunder last night.  Natalya vs. McCool to start.  Layla comes in and hides from Nattie.  She picks Layla up but can’t hold onto her.  Laycool hug and it’s back to the beating.  Off to the new champion who flat out rocks those gold shorts.  She however does not rock in the ring as this is looking bad already.  Standing moonsault gets two.  Michelle kicks Eve in the corner and DIAMOND DUST (called the Facelift) here by Layla ends Eve at 2:45.  No rating for a glorified comedy match but that ending was great.

Usos vs. Great Khali/Mark Henry

 

Khali dances a bit.  Matthews is out to replace King who is getting ready.  Josh: “Khali and Henry combine to weigh nearly 1000 pounds.  That’s as much as a mini-Cooper or the chick from Precious.”  The GM says that the Usos have no chance so this is now a dance off.  I like the brutal honesty there.

You know what?  I really like the brutal honesty there.  “This match is going to suck and we’re not going to waste your time with it.  Here’s something that’ll likely get a nice reaction.”  Cole dances too and the Usos are nothing special.  Take a wild guess who wins here.  The Usos wind up taking the monster finishers.

The 2-21-11 thing plays again.  That looks A LOT like Sting’s coat.

It’s the world premiere of the trailer for The Chaperone, which is HHH’s new movie.  HHH is a dad just out of prison that is trying to get to know his daughter again.  He acts as a chaperone on a field trip but is followed by some people that know him from his life of crime.  It’s an action-comedy but they seem to have a real problem figuring out which it wants to be rather than a hybrid.

Raw Rumble

 

This is a regular Royal Rumble but with only seven guys.  Morrison is first and we see the routine he did to get back into the ring last night.  That’s just insane.  He’ll be joined by Sheamus to start.  It’s over the top for eliminations.  We take a break before we start though.  Back and we’re told it’s Laycool/Ziggler vs. Kelly/Edge and the title is on the line.  Whoa.

90 second intervals here.  Morrison works the arm and tries to put Morrison out.  That gets him nowhere but the Irish Curse does.  He hits it as Cena is in at #3.  Cena puts Sheamus down and tries the FU on Morrison.  Naturally Morrison flips out of it and hits an enziguri to Cena and takes over.  Punk is the fourth man in.  Clothesline and bulldog in the corner to Cena puts him down.  All Punk so far.  Everyone is back up now and we pair off with Morrison/Punk and Cena/Sheamus.  Belly to belly puts Sheamus down.

Number five is R-Truth.  He takes down Cena and tosses Morrison over.  Morrison holds on and pulls Truth with him.  They both skin the cat (who thought that was a good name for it?) but Truth messes his up and looks like he’s a fish out of water.  FU is blocked on Punk and the next to last guy is Lawler.

Lawler puts everyone down and almost gets Punk out.  Sheamus saves him for some reason.  Wouldn’t he want Punk out?  Sheamus almost puts Lawler out but can’t quite do it.  Orton is last and Punk hides under the ring.  Orton I guess realized it as he goes under the ring.  He hasn’t been in the ring yet.  There’s Punk and the beating is on.  Both are back in the ring now and we’ve had no eliminations to this point.

Clothesline puts Punk out but Truth sneaks up on Randy and he’s out too!  Down to five as we take a break.  Back with the same five still in.  Cena wakes up and tries a double FU on Truth and Morrison.  He dumps Truth but Morrison hangs on.  Morrison pulls Cena to the apron and they slug it out with some great teases.  Sheamus charges but misses.  All three are on the apron here and only Lawler is left in the ring.  He’s down though.

Sheamus is back in as is Cena.  Morrison is still on the apron and tries to suplex Sheamus out.  He gets him up a few times but can’t slide in between the legs.  Sheamus drills him and he falls backwards but hangs on BY HIS FEET and does a sit up to get back in.  This man is not human.  He can’t be.  Morrison tries to get rid of Sheamus but can’t get him over.

Slingshot shoulder half kills Morrison and Cena grabs the STFU on Sheamus.  Morrison goes for Starship Pain and TOTALLY misses it.  That was sad looking.  Lawler tries to throw him out but Morrison gets his hands out and again saves himself.  Flash Kick puts Cena down and Morrison goes for Sheamus again.  This time though Morrison is sent to the apron and the Brogue Kick puts him out.

Lawler gets a dropkick to Cena the the former rapper is in trouble.  Sheamus breaks it up and has Cena reeling.  For no apparent reason he didn’t shove them both out but whatever.  Lawler comes after Sheamus again but Sheamus ducks and Lawler puts out Cena!  They look at each other and Sheamus tries a Brogue Kick.  Cena pulls the rope down and Lawler ducks.  Sheamus goes over and Lawler is the #1 contender at 15:20!

Rating: B-. Morrison is by far and away the highlight here as you would expect him to be.  The match itself was a decent battle royal with some good spots.  Lawler winning was kind of predictable but if they’re going to put him in this spot he had to win here as he couldn’t be in the Chamber.  Either way, not bad at all and it worked pretty well I thought.  Match of the night by far which isn’t saying much.

Overall Rating: C-. This wasn’t the worst Raw I’ve ever seen by far but it was really pretty boring.  Lawler was more or less the main focus here.  Not a lot was set up but we do know the two big Raw matches which is the main point I suppose.  The main event helped a bit but it definitely didn’t save the show.  Decent show but a letdown from the previous few weeks.  Until two weeks from now.

Results

Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov b. Michael McGillicutty/Husky Harris – Cobra to McGillicutty

Daniel Bryan b. Tyson Kidd – LeBell Lock

Great Khali/Mark Henry b. The Usos in a Dance Off

Jerry Lawler won the Raw Rumble

On Raw tonight there was a video of a man walking in the rain to a building.  He was wearing a jacket and you can’t see much at all.  A graphic saying 2-21-11 popped up, which is the night after Elimination Chamber.  The idea is that it was Sting but I’m not sold on that yet.

Thoughts?

In the main event I mean.  I’m sure he would have been going otherwise but you get the concept.

This is a great move for WWE as it gives them a new name in the main event.  That’s something they’ve been sorely lacking and this is a big step in the right direction for them indeed.

Thoughts?

Royal Rumble 2011
Date: January 30, 2011
Location: TD Bank Garden Arena, Boston, Massachusetts
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

Well we’ve finally, and I do mean FINALLY arrived.  This is the first 40 man Rumble and while I’m still not behind the idea it could be good I guess.  There are only 4 matches tonight: the Rumble, a Divas match and the two world titles.  It should be fun as WWE has been on a straight up roll recently.  Let’s get to it.

Smackdown World Title: Dolph Ziggler vs. Edge

 

Well you can’t say they’re going easy to start.  And Edge’s pyro doesn’t go off.  Remember that the Spear is banned here and if Edge uses it then Ziggler loses the world title.  Vickie comes out to do the intro and tries to start a Spear chant which is kind of funny.  We get big match intros too which is always nice.  Lawler: “Ziggler is just like Santa Claus.  Everywhere he goes he takes that old bag with him.”

Dang Edge goes from winning the match to starting the show the next year.  Quite a drop…yet he has a title here.  I love logic or whatever you call it in wrestling.  Striker is doing a great job of tossing softballs up for King to get good lines off of.  Lawler has always been a guy that needs someone to set him up but once he gets a start he’s fine.

Edge controls a lot early on with some basic stuff.  We hit the floor and it’s all Edge.  Ziggler gets a kick to the side of Edge’s head as they come back in to get his first advantage.  Off to a chinlock now as the LET’S GO EDGE chant gets going.  Sunset flip is blocked for two.  More chinlock and this time a longer version of it.  Big elbow drop gets two.

Dolph gets a running charge to send Edge out to the floor and into the barricade.  Back in that gets two.  Hey look it’s a chinnlock!  Edge fights up and a double cross body puts both guys down.  Stinger Splash in the corner misses by Zigs.  Ziggler gets that Downward Spiral into a Stunner for two.  Edge counters the Fameasser into a sitout powerbomb for two.

Uncharacteristically for Edge he goes up top but Ziggler beats him to the punch.  Cross body off the top is rolled through for a VERY close two by Ziggler.  Dropkick gets two on Edge.  Zig Zag is blocked and Edge busts out the Edgecator (modified Sharpshooter) for two.  Edge misses a charge at the ropes and the Fameasser hits for two.

Big Boot puts Ziggler down and Edge sets for the Spear in the corner.  Vickie like an idiot, yells at him to not do it.  Ziggler wants the sleeper but gets caught in the Edgecution but Vickie grabs the referee.  She and Edge get into it and Kelly of all people comes out to beat on Vickie.  As Edge is watching the catfight a Zig Zag gets two and that more or less seals the ending here.

Dolph gets the sleeper and Edge is fading fast.  Oh of course he fights it off.  He manages to get a big jawbreaker out of it instead and down goes the referee.  Vickie is down as well so there’s the Spear.  Edge pulls an Eddie and lays down too.  Cole: SOMEONE HAD TO SEE THAT!  He’s totally right you know.  Edge uses an Unprettier of all things to end it.

Rating: A-. This was a solid back and forth match, but I really don’t like the Spear in there.  Striker calls it the Unprettier which is supposed to be the Killswitch I believe?  Anyway this was a very good match with Ziggler getting some very close near falls out there.  It’s your regular Rumble match that had a challenger who simply wasn’t going to win but Dolph looked great.  Very good opener indeed.

Mania is 63 days away!  Naturally we have the Chamber in there which is going to take away a lot of that time.

We recap Miz vs. Orton which goes back to Miz cashing in.  That’s still sweet and was perfectly done.  DEMON CHILD!!!  Also Miz beat the tar out of Orton on Raw.

Miz and Riley say Miz will win and insult Boston.

Raw World Title: Randy Orton vs. The Miz

 

Cole talks throughout the WHOLE entrance and then in the ring he says that this is a big match for Miz.  Thanks for clearing up that defending the world title on PPV against one of the biggest stars of all time is a big match.  Miz chant to start as it’s all Orton early on.  Back in the ring as Orton stomps away and Lawler and Cole get into it as always.  I’m still thinking that results in a Mania match which it should.  Lawler deserves a match at Mania.

Orton beats him down in the corner and Cole says this is unfair to him.  Nice flashback to Heenan in 92.  Riley interferes and here comes the Champion.  Orton fights back but misses a charge in the corner to give Miz the advantage back.  The Miz is a Triple crown winner.  Let that sink in for a bit.  Ok he kind of is at least.  Corner clothesline gets two.  More beatdowns and a knee to the ribs get two.

Orton is able to get back in there with a kick and up the ropes we go.  Superplex gets two as Cole talks about Riley.  Elevated DDT is countered by a backdrop and we hit the floor again.  Back in Miz gets two.  Miz goes up and a double axe gets two.  He throws on a chinlock as it’s all champion here.  Back to the floor one more time and Orton eats the post.

He beats the count at 9 and the beating is on again but this time with Orton in control with the Thesz Press.  Powerslam sets up the stomping.  Orton sets for the powerbomb but Riley distracts him.  Miz gets that backbreaker/neckbreaker combo he’s been using lately for two.  Angle Slam hits so Miz wants to get the title and leave.  Instead Orton kills him with a clothesline.

Since we’re looking at a split screen replay we miss what Miz hits to get two out of nowhere on Orton.  Miz misses a kick and Orton grabs a rollup for two.  Elevated (called Suspension by Striker which works also) gets two.  He sets for the RKO and HERE THEY COME!  It’s the New Nexus minus Punk who stare down Orton.  As the referee is distracted Riley gets in and in an AWESOME spot, Orton picks up Riley and LAUNCHES him over the referee and onto Nexus.  Riley was AIRBORNE!  There’s the RKO but Punk runs in with a GTS and Miz retains!  Cole jumps up and down like a little girl in celebration.

Rating: B. Good match but definitely not as good as the previous one.  The thing is that with a show like the Rumble, everything besides the one big match is pure bonus.  The two title matches have been rather good so this show is already looking up.  This was very good stuff for the most part here which is pretty much expected.  If nothing else it gives us some new direction.  Not bad at all here and a pretty good match.

Cody Rhodes gives a prepared statement while we can’t see his face which is always funny.

Divas Title: Natalya vs. Laycool

 

Just before the match starts we get an E-Mail, making it a fatal fourway and he adds….Eve?  Uh…ok.  Oh and the GM makes fun of Cole and all the people that complain about him.  No tagging here of course.  There isn’t much to say here as it’s an insane spot fest for the most part.  Natalya gets the double Sharpshooter on Eve and Layla which is a great visual.  Layla gets the neckbreaker on Natalya.  There isn’t much to say here like AT ALL.  Michelle kicks Layla, Eve wins the title with a moonsault.  Natalya might have pinned Michelle at the same time.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad overall.  It was a mess of a Divas match which is bad as usually they have some good stuff going for them and certainly have been recently.  This was bad and it was the epitome of a bridge to the Rumble.  Speaking of which, let’s go to that.

Bellas/Gail/Bryan segment.  It’s stupid and the same thing from Monday but with the Bellas pretending to be nice with flowers.

Rumble By the Numbers.

Royal Rumble

 

Punk is #1 to the shock of no one, and to no one else’s shock, Corre has a member in at #2 but they all surround the ring.  Punk gets beaten down by everyone until Nexus comes down for the save.  Cole gets an E-Mail which says STOP IT!  Everyone but Punk has to leave and only Punk is in at the moment.  LOUD Punk chant and #2 is Bryan.  The IWC just orgasmed loudly.

Bryan speeds things up and takes Punk down with some nice shots.  It’s dueling chant time as Bryan hits the top rope dropkick.  In at 3 is Gabriel.  Gabriel beats Punk up with ease but misses the 450 and Bryan tosses Justin easily.  The timing is absurd already as you expected it to.  Number 4 is Zach Ryder.  He gets both guys down in the corner and manages to get a Rough Ryder on Punk.  Bryan throws him out with ease as I hope we’re not going the 95 route.

Regal is in at #5 and he cleans house which isn’t very dirty at this point.  Lots of suplexes all around.  Regal and Bryan slug it out with European uppercuts which surprisingly Bryan wins despite not being, you know, European.  Bryan kicks both guys with ease and we get #6 in the form of Ted DiBiase.  Backbreaker for Bryan and dropkicks to him and Regal.  Down goes Punk to the following clothesline.

Bryan vs. Regal and DiBiase vs. Punk for awhile which gets us nowhere.  Seventh is Morrison to a BIG pop.  Springboard kick puts Regal down and Morrison cleans house, including with his eternal rival in Punk.  C4 to Bryan.  I had Morrison as a dark horse but methinks that’s out the window.  He gets thrown by DiBiase but lands on the apron.  Morrison gets launched to the railing and GRABS THE WALL like freaking Spiderman, climbs up to the apron, tightrope walks it to the steps and gets back in.  Ladies and gentlemen, that is not going to be topped tonight.

Tatsu is #8 and he does nothing at all.  Ninth is Husky Harris.  Regal went out somewhere in there that I missed when I was dying from Morrison’s wall grab.  Harris immediately gets in front of Punk for defense so Morrison and Bryan try to kill him.  He’s 23 and the youngest person in this Rumble.  That’s rather impressive.  We get to ¼ of the way through this with Chavo.

Seven people in there now as Gabriel, Ryder and Regal have been eliminated so far.  Three Amigos to DiBiase but Punk cuts him off.  And never mind as he takes three of his own.  Punk’s get broken up so it’s suplex time to Morrison.  Here are some for Bryan as well.  He must have done ten suplexes in like 30 seconds.  This is kind of cool actually.  FINALLY he gets the third in a row.

Number 11 is Mark Henry to clear out some dead weight.  There go Chavo and Tatsu.  Punk beats Henry down a bit as it’s time for JTG to be #12.  This portion of the Rumble brought to you by not Michael Hayes.  JTG, Henry, Punk, Harris, DiBiase, Morrison and Bryan in there at the moment.  Hey I’ve actually got this up to date!  Number 13 is Michael McGillicutty to give Punk some backup.

Punk tells him to HURT EVERYBODY.  There goes JTG as we’re getting a bit cluttered here.  Granted a lot of that is Henry and the midcard is well represented.  Harris and McGillicutty put out DiBiase to make room for Masters at 14.  Masterlock to Punk but he can’t get him out as McGillicutty makes the save.  Bryan hammers on Masters as #15 is Otunga.  That makes four members counting Punk in there at the moment.

Bryan is out almost immediately and Masters joins him soon.  Nexus cleans house and gets Morrison out too.  Over to Henry now and yep he’s gone too.  Just Nexus left in the ring now.  Tyler Reks is the sacrificial lamb at #16.  How long can he be unknown for?  There he goes of course.  So are we just waiting on Cena now?  I think that’s pretty clear.  In at 17 is Kozlov who has history here.

Why not just wait on the floor and wait for like five people to get together to at least have even odds?  Vladimir is out with ease.  Punk gets all meditational on us and it’s Truth in as the Rumble is now legal.  Striker agrees with the whole wait it out.  This is a great way to run through some of the weaker guys though.  Punk gets the corner clothesline and bulldog.  In between, he looks at the camera and raises the roof shouting WHAT’S UP in a sarcastic voice.  Funny stuff.

Truth is gone.  And here’s trouble in the form of the Great Khali.  He chops them all down and gets rid of Harris to break up this blockade.  GET BETH PHOENIX STAT!  Naturally in next is Mason Ryan (20).  India vs. Wales goes to the darker skinned ones until Ryan gets him out.  BOOKER T IS NUMBER 21!!!!!  SCREW YOU MAIN EVENT MAFIA!!!!!  Epic pop for him too and Booker looks awesome.

Kicks all around and a Book End to McGillicutty.  SPINAROONI!  SPINAROONI!  OH MY GOODNESS A SPINAROONI!  Punk charges but Ryan makes the save.  Booker is out but that was insanely awesome.  My screen froze on Booker’s eyes bugging out.  You knew it was coming.  John Cena is in next and the fight is on.  He takes everyone down with basic moves and there goes Ryan to a low bridge.  Otunga and McGillicutty to a double clothesline and it’s down to Cena and Punk!

Cena charges into a corner elbow but Punk can’t get GTS.  Double clothesline puts both men down ala Hogan and Warrior in 1990.  Number 23 is…..it’s Hornswoggle.  The look on Punk’s face is hilarious.  More or less it says “no…..freaking….way.”  Punk gets up and drills Horny but goes after Cena instead.  FU TO PUNK AND HE’S OUT!  Cena is left with Horny as #24 is Tyson Kidd.  Headscissors to Kidd by Horny sets up an FU and there he goes.  Ok no he doesn’t yet as Horny wants to do it.  Horny gives him an FU and there goes Kidd.

Twenty fifth is Slater who takes a low blow from Horny and a super Stunner which actually looked pretty cool.  Double You Can’t See Me.  Tadpole Splash and there goes Slater.  It’s Kofi Kingston at 26 and this could be awesome.  Cool moment as they stare down and look at the Mania sign.  I totally buy Kofi as a threat to Cena here which is a very good sign.  Kofi beats on him a bit but it’s really a standoff.  Swagger is 27^th and takes down the weakened guys.

Vader Bomb to Cena and one for Kofi as well.  And now….dude go for the midget already.  Swagger goes after Horny but Kofi kills Jack with a cross body.  Double Boom Drop as Horny is a bridge for Kofi to jump off of.  28 is SHEAMUS.  Oh yes.  This guy is a, and I will never ever say this again, a dark horse to win this.  Sheamus cleans house and goes after Horny.  Cena saves him AGAIN and it’s another Tadpole Splash coming.  Never mind actually as Sheamus KICKS HIM IN THE HEAD to eliminate him.

Rey is #29.  We have Kofi, Cena, Swagger, Sheamus and Rey in there at the moment.  Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus but Swagger takes him down.  Rey was on the corner and Swagger tries the running belly to belly.  Rey ducks and knocks him to the apron and a 619 takes him out.  Barrett is 30 as this is FLYING by.  Wasteland to Kofi is blocked by a kick to the knee by Rey.

Cena vs. Barrett goes to Wade in the form of a Boss Man Slam.  That could so be a finisher for someone.  Maybe Ryan?  The first #31 in history is Dolph Ziggler???  Oh crap man, that could be a shock.  He hammers away on Sheamus as Barrett is in trouble.  Dolph, Sheamus, Barrett, Kofi, Cena and Rey at the moment.  Cena is in trouble and the crowd reacts BIG.

32 is DIESEL????  OH WOW!  The crowd pops HUGE.  I can’t get used to hearing him called Diesel.  Drew is 33^rd.  Nash looks kind of awesome in there.  Drew and Sheamus hammer down Diesel who is all of a sudden getting a HUGE chant!  Dude sign this guy up!  619 to Diesel which I can’t believe I just typed.

34^th is….the Miz???  Oh wait it’s Riley.  He slides in and Cena just drills him.  Striker got cut off mid sentence in a laugh.  Barrett puts  Diesel out.  ANOTHER big Diesel chant as he leaves.  Miz sits in on commentary for a bit.  Big Show is number 35 and it’s time to clear out some guys.  Show and Diesel look at each other.  Oh dang there’s some history there.  The Celts jump Show as he comes in which doesn’t go well for the UK guys.

Miz sounds like he has a cold.  There goes Ziggler at the hands of Show.  I want to know who #40 is.  36 is Big Zeke.  Uh oh.  Show puts Drew out.  Zeke puts Show down and OUT on his own!  There are four entrants left.  Who isn’t out here yet?  Rey, Zeke, Cena, Kofi, Barrett and Sheamus at the moment.  Santino is 37^th and gets a solid pop.  He goes right at Sheamus of all people.  And now he goes for Zeke who growls at him.

Santino gets knocked to the floor under the bottom rope.  Alberto is 38 and I completely forgot about him.  Ricardo does the intro!  No one else has gotten an intro but no one else is Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio takes his sweet time and isn’t in before Orton is 39^th.  ONE MORE TO GO!  RKO to everyone and there goes Kofi.  Sheamus is out too as is Drew.  And then, it’s Cena vs. Orton.  The crowd just went SILENT and in the awesome way I mean.

They stare it down with the Mania sign between them and there’s the clock.  And it’s Kane.  Uh, kind of anti-climactic but ok.  So it’s Kane, Cena, Orton, Santino, Rey, Del Rio and I think that’s it.  I likely left someone out though.  Oh and Zeke and Barrett.  Zeke beats up Kane with relative ease after Kane cleans some house.  There goes Zeke.  Ok now we’re down to Barrett, Kane, Cena, Orton, Rey and Del Rio.  Kane is put out by Rey!  Barrett puts out Rey!  I LOVE YOU BARRETT!!!

Final four are Barrett, Orton, Cena and Del Rio.  Cena and Del Rio are in trouble but both hang on.  Randy and John (sounds weird calling it that) stare it down again to another hush.  There they go with the punches.  Both finishers miss as FU is broken up by Barrett for no apparent reason.  Maybe he’s the new Corre member?  Del Rio vs. Cena and Barrett vs. Orton at this point.

FU to Del Rio but here comes Riley again for no adequately explained reason.  MIZ ELIMINATES CENA!!!  LET THE INTERNET ERUPT!!!  Blast it not Orton again.  Is Santino still in?  Orton busts out a bunch of his basic stuff and there goes Barrett!  DEL RIO PUTS OUT ORTON TO WIN THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!  Wait Santino is back!  COBRA!!!  THEY WOULDN’T!!!!!  Oh thank goodness Del Rio threw him out to officially end it.

Rating: A. I was wrong.  I thought this would be overblown but it felt more epic this way.  HUGE props to WWE for putting someone new in there.  That is absolutely huge for WWE as they are actually giving someone the huge push and the momentum to do it with.  He’s a glorified midcarder and he won.  This is exactly what they needed to do with this and it worked wonderfully.  Mania has matches set up for it now and we got some great surprises.  Epic Rumble although maybe just a step beneath next year.  GREAT ending though.

Overall Rating: A. This was a great show indeed.  The Divas match was the only bad thing all night and on a card with four matches you can’t argue that in the slightest.  They’re setting Mania up very early this year and that’s nothing but good.  This was a great show as WWE now has two big wins in a row.  I’m freaking pumped up for Mania now as this was great stuff indeed.  Loved it and bring on Elimination Chamber baby!

Royal Rumble 2010
Date: January 31, 2010
Location: Phillips Arena, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Michael Cole, Matt Striker, Jerry Lawler

First off, love that announcing trio. Having 6 guys was WAY too much for PPVs. I’m excited for this Rumble. Yes the title matches are easy to see, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be bad. Sometimes you need predictable matches and this is one of them. The matches look good on paper and the build was all there. The Rumble winner is pretty up in the air actually. That being said the show is starting so it’s time to shut up. Actually it isn’t but you get the point.  Let’s get to it.

The video is what you would expect: a look back. Basic but well done as usual.

ECW Title: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Christian

They’ve built this up great as it finally feels like the night Christian is going down. I’m not so sure though. Jackson is a freaking scary man indeed. My stream is very choppy so this is kind of like a fast moving slide show mixed with good audio. There goes Regal after a few minutes. Striker talks too fast at times. Cole sounds sick or something. We hit the formula based stuff which is likely the best way to do this.

Since Jackson is still limited in the ring, it’s probably best to have him be carried by the far more experienced and better Christian. We’re in our second chinlock of the match already. Seriously Striker: CALM DOWN! Christian hits the jumping reverse elbow making him awesome. And then he does those stupid claps to take that away. “Hmm, I have him down and I’ve walked around in a circle so he doesn’t know where he is.

I’ll clap since that doesn’t give him a tip at all.” Jackson hits a big clothesline and we get LARIOTO from Striker. Jackson is really limited. Like Monty Brown levels of limited. I love that slingshot kick that Christian does in the corner. Why should I care about who last won the title where? No one says a word and Striker says nothing? That’s very amusing. Sleeper time. And there’s the Killswitch out of freaking nowhere for the pin. What the heck was that???

Rating: C+. This was your run of the mill big man vs. little man and the more I think about it the more I like the ending. Christian couldn’t hang with Zeke going head to head so he stopped trying to and got a quick win. I actually like that one.

Cryme Tyme both want to be in the Rumble but only one spot is available. Apparently they’ve managed to trade Khali’s spot for a kiss from Tiffany. Apparently not. Gender stereotype humor fails and Khali imitates Urkel. Shad is almost able to look eye to eye with Khali. This is stupid on so many levels. Miz comes in and Teddy, who has no authority on this show, makes the US Title match.

Rhodes sucks up to Orton and throws Ted under the bus. I’d bet on the same thing happening later with Ted,

US Title: MVP vs. The Miz

Talk about two guys that have gone in completely opposite directions. Miz used to look like a joke and is now awesome and MVP used to look awesome and now is a borderline joke. Something tells me he’s winning tonight though. MVP was US Champion what, back in 2007 and he’s still in the same place how long later? There’s a big MIZ IS AWESOME chant. Or was it AWFUL? Either one is a good sign.

MVP is all over him to start which points to Miz hanging onto the belt. Ok, we get it: MVP hung out with some chick from The View. It means nothing at all. Ah there we go. Miz is back now. He’s grown more than anyone else I’ve ever seen in the past two years. We get it also: MVP used to be in prison. Let it die already. MVP is just a failure as a face. His character is designed to be a heel but we can’t have street wise heels that look like stereotypes of course.

Ok, so MVP hits a face crusher and literally 12 seconds later the Ballin Elbow hits. Are we supposed to believe that Miz isn’t going to get up in that amount of time? Seriously? There’s a Pounce from MVP and called so much by Striker. Oh, period. Wouldn’t want to forget that.

I actually don’t know who’s going to win here which is rare in matches like these but it’s a nice plus. And Miz hits a rollup as MVP is getting back in for the pin. And that’s what he needs: wins, even by fluke, that are clean. MVP attacks him after the match and is heavily booed. Please let that be a heel turn. Cole implies it’s not.  Blast it.

Rating: B-. Not bad at all. The ending was great here as it literally came out of nowhere. Miz needs more wins like these but it gives him more and more credibility every time which is what his character needs at the moment. I haven’t seen them get a character’s development much better than his in a LONG time and I’m loving it.

Jericho and Show continue their bromance. R-Truth laughs at Jericho and says it’s every man for himself. It’s better than it sounds but it’s still dumb.

Orton is walking. Yes indeed he is. And there’s Ted to say he’s here for him. No Cody in sight though and I was right with my prediction.

Ad for Raw. I love that they feel the need to advertise a show that you likely would have had to see in order to buy this show.

Soldiers are here. Oh they’re from the National Guard.

Raw World Title: Sheamus vs. Randy Orton

And the champion comes out first for no apparent reason. Sheamus is another character that has gotten a solid push from nowhere and I’m liking it. It’s working bette than Bradshaw’s when they did the same thing and I think that’s because there’s nothing of his past to compare it to. Bradshaw had nothing to go off of in the main event either but we had known him for years and he sucked. Orton gets a bit of a pop.

Please: give him a face title run. It could work. A heel vs. heel title match isn’t something I would have guessed on but it should be awesome. I’m pulling for the Irish dude just to prevent anything resembling Orton vs. HHH or Cena again. We get the big match intros too. Orton gets a straight up face pop. Sheamus gets heat but it’s mild. Still though, likely his best ever. It’s weird seeing Orton not being taller.

Sheamus is getting a bit of heat here. I like it. MASSIVE Randy chant. The fans Vince. LISTEN TO THEM. Yep, he’s wrestling life a face too. Sheamus is dominating here as he should. I’m glad they never went anywhere with the kick he gave Lawler. Orton goes for the knee which makes a lot of sense here. There has been talk of Sheamus holding the belt until Mania. I like it. We’ve begged for a new main event guy and we’ve gotten one.

Giving him a long reign is making him far more credible as a champion and main event player. It’s a brilliant move and I think it’s working. Orton STAYS ON THE KNEE! Oh blessed psychology how I love you! Sheamus works on the arm of all things. It’s different if nothing else. There’s the boo/yay thing. Fans are more or less completely behind Orton which is something Vince needs to listen to.

Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge but his knee gives out. See what psychology can do for you? Orton hits that elevated DDT that is varying degrees of awesome. They’re trying so hard to have him be heel in this and it’s failing epically. The Punt, which again is more of a freaking place kick but what do I know. Vince started the XFL so obviously he’s smarter than I am. It misses of course because that never hits on PPV for some reason.

Oh wait forgot HIAC. There’s likely a reason for that one. Rhodes runs in and attacks Sheamus but the RKO hits, meaning Sheamus keeps the belt. YES! Came out of nowhere but whatever. The fans are calling for the RKO on Rhodes but they settle for a choke instead. Ted comes down and gets that whipping. Grr and there goes the stream again! Orton more or less fires them, HOPEFULLY turning face. And Sheamus kicks Orton in the head and everyone leaves him there. Not bad at all.

Rating: B. I liked this a lot more than I should have. The psychology was all working here and it played into the match later on which is nice. The DQ ending kind of sucked as I would have preferred Sheamus to get a pin but this worked just fine I think. Legacy is FINALLY over though which is the far more important thing.

We recap Mickie vs. McCool which is by far the best build to a match I’ve seen in a women’s match in years . It’s even better than the Mark Henry vs. Viscera match. Short version: McCool and Layla were saying that Mickie was fat and it led to this. It’s a lot better than it sounds, trust me.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Mickie James vs. Michelle McCool

I’m actually pumped for this thing if you can believe that. Odds are it’s going to suck but whatever. The video had Beth in it which implies she’ll be here tonight. Sweet goodness change Michelle’s music. I freak can’t stand it. McCool cuts a bad promo before the match. Mickie isn’t here apparently?

And here’s Layla in the fat suit. This was stupid Friday but cute I guess and now…never mind as Mickie is here. And it’s a 20 second match as Mickie freaking murders her. Ok then. And they bring out food and poor it on the heels. Good to know.

Rating: N/A. Not sure if I like this or not. Mickie dominating is good as it ends this quickly, but it feels flat otherwise. I think I like it though. Yeah let’s go with that.

Ad for Elimination Chamber. Yeah nothing says SPECIAL gimmick match more than two in one night baby!

We recap Rey vs. Taker, which more or less is Rey won a contender’s match and then Batista is a whiny man. Something tells me that’s your ending because he has muscles and therefore he’s a good wrestler, at least in Vince’s eyes.

Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio

They call this the biggest match in Rey’s career. Yep, far bigger than winning the title at Mania I’m sure. As bad as a champion that he is, that belt looks awesome on Taker’s waist. More big match intros which while they’re usually good, they kind of don’t work for Taker for some reason. This is likely to rock or suck with no real in between. This is like a wet dream for Vince: both guys are big faces so why wouldn’t this work?

Taker at 299 pounds sounds odd for some reason. Rey gets freaking launched to the floor but lands on his feet. Nice indeed. Taker has done maybe two moves and he’s put Rey on the floor twice. This is all Taker so far. Thankfully the 619 misses. Taker goes for the Tombstone but Rey uses the ancient Chinese principle of kicking his feet to get out of it. Taker of course messes up his knee because that’s all he can do in most matches anymore.

His hip is in a lot of legit pain at this point so it’s likely not a ton of acting. We get the Asai Moonsault for the Japanese fans out there. Taker’s chest looks the same as Michelle’s used to look like. I wonder if they got them done in the same place? They seem like they’re killing time, which screams BATISTA to me.

Surprisingly enough though it doesn’t come as Taker just more or less casually hits the Last Ride after countering a flippy. Where’s Norcal when I need him? Oh yeah at a bar with muscle guys.

Rating: C-. I wasn’t thrilled here at all. The only good thing was that there was a clean ending which was my main concern here. It’s two more old guys in the main event but at least they’re popular so that’s all I can ask for. Not awful, but underwhelming.

Shawn and Kane talk. HHH and Shawn talk. Greatness personified.

I freaking LOVE that video package about the numbers.

Royal Rumble

Dolph Ziggler is first and Evan Bourne is second. Ok then. And the Zig Zag hits a few minutes in. He pulls a Davey Boy Smith though and doesn’t make sure he goes over. The Shooting Star hits and Punk is third. With the roll he’s been on lately he needs a LONG run here. He starts off hot by throwing out both guys and has time to cut a promo. The heat is there, the look is there and the ability is there.

He has to job to the old guys though right? Number four is one of Cryme Tyme. Oh it’s JTG. Please….make it quick. Hey I got my wish! It lasted just a few seconds as we get our second promo of the night. I love Punk in case I didn’t make that clear. Fifth is Khali. Don’t you freaking put Punk out to this imbecile! You know they will though. Please, sacrifice Serena or something. I beg of you Vince, use your freaking brain.

Nope, Punk gets his the beating. Oh I get it: Khali is a “fun” character so that makes the idiocy ok. He gets the vice but it doesn’t last long enough and…Beth Phoenix is 6th? Well ok then. It’s different if nothing else. Beth gets picked up and placed on the apron where she kisses Khali before ELIMINATING HIM!! Punk hits her with the GTS after a brief skirmish. Didn’t see this coming. Seventh is Zach Ryder. This is odd indeed.

Beth is odd as we get some awesome music from Ryder. Punk tries to recruit Ryder and then hits him to MASSIVE face pops. He’s alone again as this is awesome. It’s another promo. Kane or Show will put him out soon enough. He says he’s better than whoever is next and you can smell the elimination coming from here. And it’s HHH. Bye Punk. Have fun in the belly of HHH’s ego. His intro takes the better part of ever so at least he’s consistent.

Hey Punk actually lasts until McIntyre is 9th. And HHH puts out Punk to get his ego up again. Yep, can’t have these young talented and over guys taking the place of guys like HHH. HHH is called the future of the company. That’s a scary thought. DiBiase is 10th. We’re 1/3 of the way through this. Oh great. Morrison is 11th. Nothing of note is happening at all. McIntyre takes Starship Pain and here’s HHH to take his head off anyway.

Kane is 12th, To recap it’s HHH, Kane, DiBiase, Morrison and McIntyre in there at the moment. The IC Title boys take a double chokeslam and it’s all Kane meaning he’ll be out soon or last a long time. And HHH saves DiBiase. Ok then. I guess the whole end your career thing is forgives. Cody Rhodes comes up on the monitor and Striker says it must be Rhodes. What would we do without you Matty? Legacy dominates…kind of. Morrison is incredibly acrobatic.

Rhodes underrated in the ring. Striker says he’s the seed of the Dream. BAD IMAGE MAN! Kane of course is moving and Cole can’t tell McIntyre and HHH apart. MVP is 14th. Miz jumps him in the aisle and blasts him with the belt. Know what would be nice now? A shot of the ring. Oh there it is. Morrison hits a SICK springboard spinkick to the head of McIntyre. MVP is taken out as I’m pretty sure HHH is going to win here.

My guess is Shawn vs. HHH somewhere down the line because of Shawn’s incessant ego. Carlito is 15th and apparently he’s interesting. Yeah that’s nonsense if I’ve ever heard it. He hits a nice springboard reverse elbow to Legacy. That was nice. MVP will likely run in and attack Miz later. Nothing predictable at all there. HHH takes the Backstabber as do a lot of people. Holy crap he’s dominating. Sixteenth is Miz. Amazingly MVP doesn’t jump him. That’ll be next I guess.

The Skull Crushing Finale hits Carlito. The fans pop like a cherry pie for Miz vs. Morrison and here’s MVP to put himself and Miz out. Legacy has HHH in trouble and of course he doesn’t go out. Carlito hangs onto the rope and stays in. Number 17 is Matt Hardy to a huge pop. This crowd is awesome. To continue the trend he dominates and hits a bunch of people before Kane puts him out and Kane is out by HHH.

You really can see it coming. I hope I need glasses. Spinebusters all around. A hot crowd pops for him so that validates this I suppose. HBK is 18th and I think I feel a showdown of 1990 proportions coming. Rhodes and Carlito and DiBiase are gone. Ok we have Shawn, McIntyre, Morrison and HHH in there at the moment. Ok take out Morrison and the showdown is pretty clear.

Shawn has the second most eliminations in Rumble history apparently. Yep it’s showdown time and there’s the clock. It’ll be a jobber and…never mind it’s Cena. Vince the Survivor Series bombed with this main event so why wouldn’t this do it too? And of course he beats up DX. A double You Can’t See Me is booed to an extent. HHH stops an FU and takes a Pedigree AND HHH IS SUPERKICKED OUT OF THE MATCH! I am STUNNED as all goodness. TAKE THAT MELTZER!!!

Shelton is in now and I’m switching my bet to Cena. Shawn has put Shelton out like three years in a row or something. This is his eighth consecutive Rumble. Wow I wouldn’t have guessed that one. Cena ends Shawn’s streak and puts out Shelton. Holy Mania rematch Batman. Yoshi Tatsu is 21st. I like this guy for some reason. Of course Striker has a dumb name for him: the Poison Fist of the Pacific Rim. Cena dumps him in a few seconds and we’re back to Shawn and Cena.

Nothing overdone about that AT ALL is there? Ok Atlanta is allowed to do the WOOs. Big Show is 22nd. Show almost goes out but saves himself. Cena goes for an FU but it misses. Shawn has to skin the cat (what a name I tell you) because Chin Music misses. Mark Henry is 23rd. Well they’re having some big names in there at least. I still can’t get over HHH being out already. It’s a curveball if nothing else. Henry goes for a slam can can’t get it.

Why do I have a feeling he’s not the world’s strongest man? He gets the slam a bit later but then almost gets an FU. Masters is number 24. Have to have some jobbers I guess. He press slams Shawn and of course doesn’t throw him out. Instead he puts the Masterlock on Show and he gets tossed for it. Henry and Show go at it again as we have a clock. It’s R-Truth….AND HE PUTS OUT SHOW AND HENRY.

I guess there is a youth movement. It’s Truth, Cena and Michaels here. He shows his TNA connection by hitting Cena with the Stroke. The fans are chanting boring. This hasn’t been bad at all. Swagger is 26th as Norcal pops. This is his first Rumble. I wouldn’t have guessed that. Vader Bombs all around. NO! Stream went out! Never mind it’s back!

Kofi is 27th. There goes Truth. Jericho is 28th. Kofi put out Truth in case you were wondering. He follows that up by kicking the heck out of Shawn and then gets thrown by Cena. All three are down and here’s 29. HOLY CRAP IT’S EDGE! Ok it’s not really shocking but still cool moment. Oh yeah he’s a face. Just like he should be. Spears all around and we might not have a surefire winner now.

There goes Jericho and Edge is domination. Sweet the Edgecution is back! Fans are WAY into this. Shame Batista will be 30th. It would have made sense to just have it be Edge in at 30. Ok final four are Cena, Shawn, Batissta and Edge. Naturally Batista is dominating. Anyone of these guys could win. Edge spears him down and Cena FUs Edge so everyone is down. Shawn nips up to another great pop. That’s one of those moves that just plain works.

Shawn is dominating here and Striker screws up again by saying that Edge has had no vigor. Shawn is dominating here and this is exciting me. Cena gets kicked and si does Big Dave. Edge clotheslines Shawn to the apron and then gets superkicked back in. DAVE PUTS SHAWN OUT! The crowd just goes dead silent. That came from nowhere. This is wide open at this point. WOW I haven’t heard a crowd die like that ever.

That…might not have been what was supposed to happen. He goes nuts an goes back in, beating up referees. Could this be a Shawn HEEL TURN??? I certainly freaking hope so. More referees come down as Shawn looks freaking crushed. Striker says this is heartbreaking (no pun intended I’m sure) as he says Shawn has never achieved this. If he means beating Taker he’s an idiot. He’s also never achieved a good buyrate but we’ll ignore that.

Ok so it’s Edge, Batista and Cena. Cena reverses the Batista Bomb and Batista reverses the FU and there goes Batista! This would suggest Edge winning but I’m not so sure. He sets for the spear with those great visuals of his and it misses of course. Cena goes for a clothesline and EDGE WINS IT! YEAH!

Take that people screaming this was going to be predicable! Love that ending, even though it’s the same thing they did with Cena but not as exciting/sweet. This is what we needed too: a FRESH face that is going to get some POPS. Great move all around and a great Rumble match.

Rating: A. Very solid Rumble here. Edge winning was a very pleasant shock and I liked it a lot. They had the star power in there tonight and no Santino or Duggan or jokes like that who are just going to waste time and spots. The formula works great when it clicks and this was no exception. I was bored until HHH got dumped but it wasn’t awful before that. Once he’s gone though, it’s straight through the roof. Very good Rumble and likely in the top five ever of them.

Overall Rating: A-. I was going back and forth between B- and C+. The whole show was indeed nothing great, but there was nothing that bad really. The right people won, for the most part they won clean, Orton is a face…I think, Shawn is snapping, Legacy is OVER, and Edge is back as a top level face.

This was a very good show and if you want to say it was predictable, let me know so I can laugh at you. Fun show and worth checking out, just don’t expect a classic. Edited: what the heck am I thinking? This show was great. A-.

And so ends the history of the Royal Rumble.  I had fun doing this and I think I’ll be doing one off reviews now as it’s much easier and I can look around and have more fun and diversity with it. Anyway, thanks for reading. I appreciate it. I’ll be doing another of these for Wrestlemania so stay tuned.  Or logged or whatever the right term is.

Who do you all think will win the Rumble this year?