Monday Night Raw
Date: January 13, 2025
Location: SAP Center, San Jose, California
Commentators: Michael Cole, Pat McAfee

We’re done with the big pomp and circumstance show last week and that means it is time to start getting on with the normal stuff. That’s what we’re going to be doing this week, along with getting ready for the Royal Rumble. Some of the names have already been filled in and now we get to do even more. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a long recap of last week.

CM Punk arrives in the back and does a hand to his ear before coming to the ring (with Michael Cole making fun of his Chicago Blackhawks). Punk gets into the ring and he thanks everyone who has been fighting the wildfires in southern California. With that out of the way, Punk brings up the Royal Rumble, where he came back last year but tore his triceps in the process. He thought his career was fading away and he couldn’t see (that’s a John Cena you can’t see me taunt) his dreams, but now he sees the Wrestlemania sign.

As for someone you can’t see, John Cena has declared himself for the Royal Rumble and now so has Punk himself. Then he’s going to win and point to the sign on the way to Wrestlemania….and here is Seth Rollins to interrupt (Punk isn’t happy, asking why it can’t be Rhea Ripley). Rollins says if he wasn’t a man of his word, all he would be is Punk. That gets a “but I’m still the winner right?” from Punk, but Rollins really isn’t pleased.

Rollins has lost all kinds of matches over his career but last week was the worst loss of his career. Rollins is ready to throw Punk out of the Royal Rumble and win, which Punk thinks is an easy way out since he couldn’t get a pin. Cue Drew McIntyre and Punk can’t believe this. McIntyre can’t believe someone could actually get worse, but Punk brings up what he did to McIntyre inside the Cell. Actually McIntyre was talking about Rollins, who says McIntyre can get in the ring and take a beating from him instead.

They all argue and Punk is ready to fight, with Rollins taking his jacket off. McIntyre comes towards the ring but then says no because he has no reason to do that. The bigger problem is Roman Reigns is playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers, so he’s going to have to step up again and get the title before Reigns. Now that Reigns already has the “falafel”, it’s a matter of time before he wants the title again. McIntyre is in the Rumble too so he can keep Reigns from getting it. These three work so well together and having them all tie into a few stories makes things that much more interesting.

Chad Gable vs. ???

This is Gable vs. the best luchador that Adam Pearce can find and of course it’s Penta, which to be fair they didn’t exactly try to hide. Cole: “It was the worst kept secret in the business!” The fans are rather happy to see Penta who poses a lot before taking Gable down. Gable wrestles up and it’s a standoff as the fans are way behind Penta. A dive is loaded up but Gable cuts him off with a high angle suplex for two.

Gable hammers away in the corner but gets caught with a Cheeky Nandos Kick. The German suplex drops Penta on the apron and Gable starts in on the leg, which is wrapped around the post. Gable misses a swan dive though and gets sent to the floor, with Penta hitting a big running flip dive to the floor. Back in and a high crossbody gets two on Gable, who goes back to the leg to slow him down. The ankle lock goes on but Penta pulls him into the arm snap (the Sacrifice) and the Penta Driver (pumphandle driver) for the pin at 13:26.

Rating: B. Yeah this was a heck of a debut, with Penta feeling far more like a solo star than he ever felt in AEW. The fans were ready for him and he was presented as a major deal, which certainly made for a big impact. Penta worked hard here and Gable an work well with anyone, making this a very nice start to Penta’s new run in WWE.

Post match Penta thanks the fans in English and Spanish, saying this was a dream come true to be in his new home. This is the new Netflix Era, but it is the Penta Era as well. The fans are WAY into this as he does the catchphrase.

Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez come in to see most of Judgment Day and they aren’t happy with Finn Balor. They talk about revenge and here is Dominik Mysterio with flowers for Morgan. She’s not mad at all, but he can go grab their bags from the car anyway. She throws the flowers to Carlito and says put them somewhere nice. Dominik: “I don’t think she’s mad at all.” Balor: “Man, you’ve got a lot to learn.” McDonagh is off to get a rematch for the Tag Team Titles. Mysterio as the confused goof is still great.

Sheamus vs. Ludwig Kaiser

They strike it out to start and go to the floor to trade chops. Back in and the ten forearms to the chest are broken up so Kaiser can kick him into the barricade. We take a break and come back with Sheamus fighting up to hit the ten forearms. Kaiser goes to get the shillelagh but Sheamus knees him in the face for two instead. Back up and Kaiser manages a knockdown of his own before loading up a Brogue Kick. That doesn’t work either and Sheamus hits his own for the pin at 9:26.

Rating: B-. This is where Sheamus tends to shine, as they just had two people beat each other up for the better part of ten minutes. That’s all it needed to be, with Sheamus likely moving back into the Intercontinental Title scene. It’s a perfect spot for him, as he can easily be put into that spot with a win or two, which is exactly what he did here.

Post match Sheamus gets in a staredown with Bron Breakker (in the crowd) and shoving ensues.

Seth Rollins is ready to face Drew McIntyre next week. As Rollins goes to leave, he runs into Sami Zayn, who says he is here to talk if Rollins needs someone. Rollins thinks Zayn must have had a great week last week when Roman Reigns won Tribal Combat, which doesn’t sit well with Zayn.

Karrion Kross rants to Miz about the Wyatt Sicks being moved to Smackdown. Sami Zayn comes in to talk to Adam Pearce but Kross stops him, saying he found Zayn’s talk with Seth Rollins interesting. Miz says that if we’re talking about World Champions, we don’t need to worry about Zayn. That doesn’t work with Zayn, who is going to get a match with Miz tonight. Kross seems to approve, and laughs at Miz saying “we” have to deal with Zayn.

Here is Gunther for a chat. Gunther was impressed with the presentation last week but there were a lot of people arguing over things like being the Best In The World and being the Tribal Chief. The title is the only thing that matters and here is Jey Uso to interrupt. Jey is willing to come after that title and he’ll do it at Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Gunther isn’t impressed and even though Jey is funny, he isn’t on Gunther’s level. The title match is on though. Gunther goes to leave but Jey cuts him off, saying that everything Gunther said is true. It’s true that Jey isn’t supposed to be here but he has bet on himself and is still trying to earn that respect. That’s what he’ll do at Saturday Night’s Main Event. That doesn’t feel like a major match, but I’m not sure it’s supposed to do anything more than get Gunther into a title match here rather than at the Royal Rumble.

Video on Lyra Valkyria vs. Dakota Kai.

Women’s Intercontinental Title: Dakota Kai vs. Lyra Valkyria

For the inaugural title and we get some Big Match Intros. Feeling out process to start as commentary compares this to various important men’s Intercontinental Champions. Valkyria sends her outside but a dive is cut off. Instead it’s a nasty suplex to send Kai outside and we take a break.

Back with Valkyria cranking on the arms and kicking her away for two. Kai’s scorpion kick is countered into a powerbomb which is countered into a hurricanrana. The Kairorpactor gets two on Valkyria but she’s back with a running sitout powerbomb for two. Back up and the GTK connects on Valkyria, who rolls outside for the save. Kai misses the running kick in the corner though and gets caught in something like a running Randy Orton backbreaker. The Nightwing makes Valkyria the first champion at 8:27.

Rating: B-. I could have sen this one going either way so having Valkyria win is certainly not a crazy pick. She’s been looking for that big win since she got to the main roster and this more than counts. Kai was already a lot further than anyone would have reasonably expected her to get in the tournament so this is hardly some terrible loss. Good match here, but the moment of the title win is the important part.

Post match Adam Pearce presents Valkyria with the title and we get a hug of respect.

Miz vs. Sami Zayn

Miz takes him into the corner and hammers away before mocking Zayn’s theme music. A quick ax handle gets Zayn out of trouble but Miz elbows him down. More mockery ensues but Zayn hammers away to cut if off. Zayn suplexes him down for two and grabs a quickly broken full nelson. Back up and the Helluva Kick into the Blue Thunder Bomb finishes Miz at 4:08.

Rating: C+. I like the short run time here, as sometimes there is just no reason for a match to go that long. Zayn is the bigger deal right now and he defeated Miz without stretching things out longer than they needed to go. Perfectly nice match here, especially with the rare moment of Zayn winning with the Blue Thunder Bomb.

Also set for Saturday Night’s Main Event: Bron Breakker defends the Intercontinental Title against Sheamus.

Here is Rhea Ripley to brag about being Women’s Champion again. She’s back on top and even though she sounds like a broken record, here she is. Cue Nia Jax to interrupt, saying she’s here as part of the transfer window and can’t take listening to this anymore. She’s going to win the Royal Rumble and take whichever title she wants.

Tiffany Stratton might think she’s at the top, Ripley might think she’s on top, and Bayley, at ringside….why is she here? Bayley reminds Jax that she’s from here so Jax throws in some more mocking, which is enough for Bayley to get in the ring. This might not be Bayley’s show but it is her city and the fight is on. Jax shoves both of them down but a quick double team sends Jax bailing. Hopefully this isn’t a long term thing, as Ripley has already beaten Jax enough times.

Here’s what’s coming next week, including New Day returning to the ring and an appearance by JBL.

Video on Damien Priest vs. Finn Balor.

Damian Priest vs. Finn Balor

Street Fight and Balor jumps him from behind with a kendo stick to start fast. Priest is back up with his own stick shots and a flapjack puts Balor down. The lifting Downward Spiral sends Balor face first onto the announcers’ table and it’s time for a less talkative table. They fight into the crowd where Balor beats on him with a trashcan.

Priest hits him with the same thing and they go into another part of the crowd, where Balor gets in a chair shot. The fight heads up into the fans and a Falcon Arrow sends Balor crashing through a table. We take a break and come back with Priest in the ring and Balor being taken out on a stretcher. That doesn’t work for Priest, who wheels Balor down the aisle and into the ring (nice visual), for a heck of a clothesline.

Carlito and JD McDonagh runs in for the beatdown and Balor gets a near fall. Another table is loaded up but the War Raiders run in for the save, leaving it one on one again. Balor unloads with a bunch of chair shots but Priest gets in South Of Heaven for two. Back up and Balor double stomps him through a table on the floor but Priest gets in a drive through the barricade. Priest razor’s Edges him through a table and another South Of Heaven gives Priest the pin at 17:16.

Rating: B. This felt like a run of the mill street fight but then they cranked it up to another level to make it work that well. That’s all I can ask for out of something like this and it made for a good showdown. It should be the final match between the two of them as Priest got the big win, which hopefully wraps things up. Nice hard hitting brawl here and that’s all you could want out of it.

Overall Rating: B. This worked rather well and part of that was due to the show going just over two and a half hours. It prevented the show from feeling like it was stretched out for the sake of extending the show, and that made things so much better. That’s a nice change of pace and I liked what we got on the show, with a solid Penta debut and a good main event, plus some big additions to the Royal Rumble. Positive show this week as we get closer to the normal.

Results
Penta b. Chad Gable – Penta Driver
Sheamus b. Ludwig Kaiser – Brogue Kick
Lyra Valkyria b. Dakota Kai – Nightwing
Sami Zayn b. The Miz – Blue Thunder Bomb
Damian Priest b. Finn Balor – South Of Heaven

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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AND

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Smackdown
Date: January 10, 2025
Location: Moda Center, Portland, Oregon
Commentators: Wade Barrett, Joe Tessitore

It’s a bit more back to normal this week and that should be nice to see. The big story here is a United States Title match between Shinsuke Nakamura and former champion LA Knight. Other than that, we have some fallout from Monday’s Tribal Combat where Roman Reigns defeated Solo Sikoa. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a rather lengthy recap of Raw.

Here is Paul Heyman, who is rather proud that Roman Reigns is once again the one and only Tribal Chief. Now he gets to announce what is next for Reigns, and invites Cody Rhodes out here to hear it. Heyman says that Rhodes has earned the respect of everyone, from the people to Heyman to Reigns himself. That is why Reigns wanted Rhodes to hear this in person: Reigns wants his title back and he’s winning the Royal Rumble to get there.

Rhodes doesn’t seem to have any issue with this but here is Kevin Owens to interrupt. Owens couldn’t believe it could get worse, but then Rhodes SHOOK THE ROCK’S HAND! Rhodes has already gone everywhere and now he is willing to let Reigns get a title shot? That’s enough for Rhodes, who runs into the crowd for the brawl, leaving the Bloodline to corner Heyman. Jimmy Uso runs in for the save so Heyman can escape but a chair shot just angers Fatu. Rhodes runs back in for the real save.

Post break Jacob Fatu yells at security but gets thrown outside by LA Knight. Commentary isn’t sure that was wise.

Women’s US Title: Michin vs. Chelsea Green

Green, with Piper Niven, is defending. The threat of Eat Defeat takes Green outside in a hurry so Michin grabs a Tarantula instead. They go outside where Greens ends her into the barricade and we take a break. Back with Michin fighting out of a chinlock, only to get caught in the same thing.

A belly to back suplex takes Green down for a breather and Michin hurricanranas her way out of the corner. The Cannonball gets two on Green but her lifting Downward Spiral gets the same. Michin goes after Niven (now in a Secret Service look) and hits a high crossbody on Green, who rolls through and grabs the trunks to retain at 8:43.

Rating: C+. Green and Niven are a good choice for a villainous pair as they could frustrate a lot of challenges for a long time. What matters here is that Michin has one more reason to get a rematch after more cheating. I’m not sure how that could go, but at least they have that as an out if necessary.

Post match Niven drops a backsplash and Michin is crushed.

We look at the tag teams arguing after last week’s title match went haywire. Nick Aldis makes some matches, likely with title implications.

Los Garza vs. Pretty Deadly

Garza clears the ring to start and hits some dives, followed by Garza’s rolling moonsault for two on Wilson back inside. A running knee against the ropes rocks Wilson but Prince makes a blind tag to neckbreaker Berto out to the floor. We take a break and come back with Berto missing an enziguri but diving over for the tag anyway. Angel’s high crossbody gets two on Wilson, who starts screaming for DIY to come help them. That doesn’t happen so Prince gets crotched on top and it’s a double swinging gorilla press slam (FTY) to pin him at 8:55.

Rating: C. This was something of a weird match as Los Garza are kind of faces but still in a heel stable and beat the resident goofy villains clean. That wasn’t the best thing in the world but at least they didn’t waste a lot of time here. Perfectly nice match here, and I could go for Los Garza moving up a bit.

US Title: LA Knight vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura is defending. Knight powers him into the corner to start and grabs a swinging neckbreaker but Nakamura bails out to the floor. A running knee rocks Knight for a change but he’s right back with a backdrop over the top. Nakamura gets rammed into the announcers’ table, only to come back with some postings as we take a break. Back with Knight winning a slugout and hitting the spelling elbow for two. Knight is almost sent into an exposed buckle but Nakamura is back with the sliding German suplex.

With Nakamura up top, Knight jumps the corner for the top rope superplex and a near fall of his own. Since nothing else is working, Knight goes Colt Cabana (you never go Colt Cabana) with the Billy Goat’s Curse (reverse Boston crab), sending Nakamura over to the rope. Nakamura kicks him down for two but the running knee hits the exposed buckle. The BFT knocks Nakamura silly, only for the Bloodline (minus Solo Sikoa) to run in and take out Knight for the DQ at 14:08.

Rating: C+. This got a pretty good deal of time and it worked out rather well with a logical ending. What mattered here was having Knight look strong and possibly move on to something else, as he has already won the US Title and can go up the ladder a bit. That might not be what we are seeing here, but at least they are doing something different.

Post match Knight gets crushed, including the triple jump moonsault. Jimmy Uso and Cody Rhodes make the save and Rhodes wants the tag match for tonight.

We recap Tiffany Stratton cashing in the Money In The Bank briefcase last week to beat Nia Jax and win the Women’s Title. This might as well have had a big sign that said FILLER.

Motor City Machine Guns vs. A-Town Down Under

Waller punches Shelley in the face to start and it’s off to Sabin, who gets caught in a cravate. An armbar keeps Sabin in trouble but he’s right back up to trip Waller off the apron. The big dive is cut off and we take an early break with Shelley in trouble. Back with Shelley fighting out of a chinlock and handing it back to Sabin to strike away.

Sabin hits a dive onto both of them but Waller drops Shelley back inside. A dive is broken up though and everything breaks down, with the Dream Sequence hitting Waller. With Theory being sent outside after a rather nasty crash, Skull & Bones finishes Waller for Shelley at 12:06.

Rating: B-. I could have gone for more of this as the two teams were beating each other up and got going near the end. The Guns are best known for their fast paced matches and looking as good as anyone around, but at the same time, the villains were more than able to hang in there, which was something of a surprise.

Pretty Deadly isn’t happy with DIY not coming out there but Johnny Gargano explains the idea of “HEAT”. The title shot is totally coming. With DIY gone, Apollo Crews mocks Pretty Deadly for being dumb.

Here is Tiffany Stratton for her big celebration. She hits the catchphrase and claims that she was playing dumb with Nia Jax the entire time. Now she wants some respect on her name and to know what time it is (5:11am EST by my watch) but here is Jax to interrupt. Jax threatens violence and says time’s up but here is Bayley to interrupt. Bayley thought Stratton was stupid and knows that Jax is stupid and thinks she should get the first title shot. Cue Naomi and Bianca Belair but Jax says no one cares about Naomi. The brawl is on and Stratton gets to interrupt. Nick Aldis pops up to make a four way #1 contenders match.

Bayley vs. Nia Jax vs. Naomi vs. Bianca Belair

It’s a brawl to start with Bayley being sent outside, leaving Jax to (mostly) suplex both of the other two. Jax bails to the floor from the threat of the other three before pulling Belair outside for a ram into the barricade. Bayley goes after Naomi inside but Jax pulls Bayley outside for another crash. Belair hammers on Jax until Bayley breaks up the cover before a Tower Of Doom leaves all four of them down.

We take a break and come back with Jax being knocked out to the floor, leaving the KOD and Bayley To Belly to be broken up. Naomi is back up with the split legged moonsault for two on Jax and everyone tries to pin Jax in a row. Cue Candice LeRae for a distraction, leaving Naomi and Belair to hit dives to the floor. Back in and Belair takes over on Bayley but LeRae breaks up the KOD. That’s enough for Bayley to Rose Plant Naomi for the win at 17:18.

Rating: B-. This got some time and was working well, with Bayley getting the win to move on to what should be a nice first defense for Stratton. I’ll take that over another Jax vs. Bayley match, which has kind of been done to death at this point. Not a great match or anything, but it did what it needed to do.

Cody Rhodes and Jimmy Uso are ready to go. Rhodes leaves and Carmelo Hayes comes in, only for Uso to mock Hayes for throwing up so many bricks (as in misses, which Hayes says never happens).

Bayley is excited for her title shot, which is next week.

Cody Rhodes/Jimmy Uso vs. Tama Tonga/Jacob Fatu

Rhodes works on Tonga’s arm to start before it’s off to Jimmy, tho is taken into the wrong corner. A pop up Samoan drop cuts off Jimmy’s comeback attempt and we take a break. Back with Tonga working on Jimmy’s leg and then gabbing a nerve hold. Fatu adds a heck of a running Umaga Attack in the corner but Jimmy knocks him off the ropes.

A Whisper In The Wind is enough to set up the tag off to Rhodes, who hits a dive onto both of them. Tonga grabs a running DDT for two but he gets caught in a PowerPlex. Fatu makes the save and here is Kevin Owens to distract Rhodes. The chase is on and Jimmy is left alone, with the triple moonsault finishing him off at 12:18.

Rating: B-. Standard main event style tag match here with the interference being a good way to get the Bloodline a win after the big loss on Raw. I’m not sure where things are going for the team but this is the kind of thing that at least gives them some stability. Rhodes vs. Owens is already set so this was just another step in getting ready for their match.

Rhodes and Owens fight off and go through a table to end the show.

Overall Rating: B-. I liked the show as it set up some stuff for the future and gave us good action at the same time, but the problem here is it felt long. Maybe it’s knowing that the show isn’t going to be going three hours permanently or they don’t know how to do it yet, but I could go for something a bit less stretched out. Figure out that problem and this show is that much better.

Results
Chelsea Green b. Michin – Rollup with trunks
Los Garza b. Pretty Deadly – FTY to Prince
LA Knight b. Shinsuke Nakamura via DQ when the Bloodline interfered
Motor City Machine Guns b. A-Town Down Under – Skull & Bones to Waller
Bayley b. Bianca Belair, Nia Jax and Naomi – Rose Plant to Naomi
Tama Tonga/Jacob Fatu b. Cody Rhodes/Kevin Owens – Triple moonsault to Uso

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 1997
Date: January 19, 1997
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 60,235
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

I’m scared to think how many of those tickets were freebies. This is the annual requested redo and I’m not sure what to expect going into it. Well I am as I’ve seen the show multiple times but it’s been awhile. The main event is of course Shawn Michaels vs. Sid II because we need the big hometown moment. Those actually existed back in 1997. Let’s get to it.

When reviewing the classic moments of the Royal Rumble from 1997 to 2017, you can design the players’ signature moves and favorite wrestling moments into Custom Coins that will be transformed into eternal treasures.

You can also engrave your favorite players’ signatures, classic quotes, and even exclusive numbers. Each coin is a time capsule that carries not only the highlights of the event but also your deep resonance with wrestling culture.

You can recall the excitement and glory of the time through the design, text, or pattern on the coin and enhance your love and loyalty to wrestling.

As you might expect, the opening video is all about Shawn because it’s 1997. The title win at Wrestlemania was nice at all but his defining moment came at Survivor Series when he showed compassion for Jose Lothario instead of trying to retain the title. Well to be fair that would be defining as it meant Shawn actually lost a title match instead of vacating the title so maybe they’re on to something.

The announcers preview the show and Lawler is VERY excited about the main event.

Intercontinental Title: Goldust vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

This is one of my least favorite matches ever. Helmsley is defending against a freshly face Goldust. Basically everyone thought Goldust was gay but he confirmed that he wasn’t, which sent HHH after Marlena for some reason. Mr. Hughes makes his debut as HHH’s short lived bodyguard/butler which is code for bodyguard/Chyna is on the way.

Goldust jumps him in the aisle and hammers away in the corner until a quick atomic drop gets us to even. A catapult sends HHH outside as the crowd is really, really quiet here. I’m not sure if it’s the place being huge or the fans being bored but it’s not working so far. Goldust sends him into the steps, causing JR to suggest we might get a DQ. I mean, we probably won’t this early but points for doing your job.

They keep using the steps with HHH bouncing off them and now Lawler thinks it should be a DQ. Vince talks about some fans who had been trying to talk to Shawn for weeks being thrown out of the building. That’s one of those things that doesn’t really hold up over time as they just gloss over it and expect us to know what he’s talking about. It makes sense at the time but there are probably better things to talk about during a title match on pay per view.

HHH actually comes off the top with an ax handle but a running knee hits the barricade. As JR asks about a DQ again, Goldust starts in on the knee like a good challenger should. We hit a Figure Four as this is already dragging horribly. The knee goes into the steps again as the announcers are wondering why the referee is letting so much go. Back in and Goldust misses a crossbody (called a high risk by JR) to send him outside as HHH takes over again.

The referee FINALLY does something by taking away the director’s chair before HHH can swing it (Lawler: “Why didn’t you do something about those stairs earlier?”) and they head back in. The match is so boring that we actually cut over to an interview with a country singer in the audience. That’s getting up there on the all time boredom scale and the dead crowd seems to agree.

HHH misses the kneedrop and hurts his leg again in the process but he’s still able to roll away from a Macho Elbow. Hughes, likely as bored as the rest of us, throws in the title but HHH would rather kiss Marlena. That earns him a belt shot to the head, only to have Hughes pull HHH out at two. Of course that’s not a DQ so Goldust goes after Hughes, setting up the Pedigree for the pin to retain the title.

Rating: F+. Oh yeah this is still bad and still one of the worst matches I can ever remember to open the show. It’s too long, too boring and completely uninteresting. This really needed to have about seven minutes chopped off and far less using the steps. I dread this match every time I watch the show and that hasn’t changed a bit.

Bret Hart is used to being the marked man in a match so the Royal Rumble will be no different.

Mankind talks about the Rumble being a chance to hurt a lot of people that he doesn’t like as well as some that he does. It’s going to be a very nice day.

Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson

Faarooq injured Johnson back in 1996 and it’s finally time for the grudge match in a feud that felt like it went on for the better part of forever. There are at least ten members of the Nation of Domination here, including a few actors who exist for the sole purpose of making the group bigger. As you might expect, Ahmed erupts to start and beats Faarooq down in the corner before sending him into the post. Where’s the OUTRAGE from the announcers over this blatant breaking of the rules?

A shot to the kidneys slows Johnson down and Faarooq calls for a belt, earning himself a clothesline in the process though. The brawl heads outside for a bit with neither being able to keep control all that long as you would expect in a brawl like this. A chair to the back keeps Ahmed in trouble and Faarooq opts to just kick him in the kidneys for good measure.

It’s off to the very logical reverse chinlock but Faarooq does the very stupid posing, allowing an electric chair to put him down. Faarooq comes right back with a spinebuster though, which JR calls a physical catch instead of a fair catch. Uh, right Jim. Ahmed pops up again and hits one of his own, meaning it’s time for the Nation to come in for the lame DQ.

Rating: D. Still not great but WAY better than the first, at least partially because it’s half the length of the opener. Johnson vs. Faarooq needed to be some big wild brawl, or maybe Johnson finding some partners to help him fight off the team. Like say the Legion of Doom in Chicago in a street fight. But for some reason the feud just kept going after that, which is probably why this feud isn’t the most fondly remembered.

Post match the Nation bails for some reason, leaving Ahmed to Pearl River Plunge one of them through a table.

Terry Funk thinks he can win because we’re in Texas. Nah, just one of those per show dude. Besides, Goldust is from Austin and look at what he got. Or don’t look actually as it’s too horrible for words. Or reviews for that matter.

Faarooq says he’ll take care of Ahmed in the Rumble because Johnson is an “Uncle Tom”.

Vader vs. Undertaker

There’s not much of a story here save for some back and forth attacks. We get the big long Undertaker entrance and as usual it looks amazing in the big stadium. They slug it out to start with Undertaker doing the sit up off a clothesline. The standing splash gets the exact same reaction and Vader is looking a bit worried.

The fight heads outside with Undertaker getting the better of it but Vader drops him ribs first across the top rope to take over again. Undertaker gets in a slam followed by a legdrop, which JR says is like no one has ever done. I’m sure that’s certainly not meant as a jab at anyone in particular second cousin twice removed.

Old School is broken up which JR says means Vader had it well scouted. Or Vader was smart enough to do ANYTHING when Undertaker was off balance and distracted? And now, let’s go INTERVIEW A FAN WHO SAVED UP TO COME TO THE SHOW. Lawler rips on Pettengill for wasting our time like that (amen brother) while Vader was pounding Undertaker about the head and shoulders (the body parts, not the shampoo).

We hit the lame nerve hold for a bit until Undertaker suplexes his way to freedom, leaving both guys down. Vader is up first and goes to the middle rope, only to dive into a powerslam. That would be a lot more impressive if Ahmed hadn’t done the EXACT SAME THING, even from the same corner, to Faarooq in the previous match.

Vader’s powerbomb gets two but Old School drops him again….and here’s Paul Bearer. Undertaker gets in a chokeslam but makes the mistake of going after Paul. Vader tries for a save and avoids a dive off the steps, sending Undertaker ribs first into the barricade. Bearer adds an urn shot and it’s the Vader Bomb to put Undertaker away.

Rating: C-. I’m a fan of Undertaker slugging away at a monster so this was more entertaining than it probably should have been. Vader was in something close to a free fall after losing to Shawn at Summerslam so this was more of a comeback win than anything else. Undertaker vs. Bearer would continue for a very long time.

Vader leaves with Bearer and Undertaker beats up a referee.

Austin says he isn’t talking with anyone until he wins the Rumble.

British Bulldog is going to win because he’s bizarre. Yes, bizarre.

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Fuerza Guerrera/Heavy Metal

This is a AAA match because the company was willing to try ANYTHING to get people interested, including these guys that 99% of fans have never heard of before. I’ll do my best to have any idea who these people are and what’s going on here but bear with me. Estrada and Heavy Metal (who Vince things is Estrada) start things off do a technical sequence to start before it’s off to the ancient looking Aguayo vs. the very feathery looking Estrada.

The crowd is just GONE for this one as Canek’s middle rope crossbody gets on Guerrera. Fuerza misses a top rope crane kick Swanton (that’s an odd one) so Canek gets an easy two. Heavy Metal does a Tajiri handspring but stumbles through the elbow to drop Garza. Things speed up a bit but they still seem a few steps off to keep this from getting, you know, good.

We hit a stalemate and that means it’s time to shake hands and bring in Estrada and Canek. They start running the ropes but WAIT! Time for more tags. Metal avoids a Figure Four and we get down to a bit of a traditional tag formula with the focus on Metal’s leg. Guerrera tries to make a save but dropkicks Metal by mistake and everything breaks down. Garza gets in his corkscrew plancha and Aguayo’s top rope double stomp to the arm (meant to be ribs) finally ends Metal.

Rating: D. I’ll give them points for trying something different here but this didn’t work for me. The wrestling wasn’t great here and I really have no idea who these people are. It was a nice try at something new and when you’re in the depths that the company was in at this point it’s worth the shot but this was a big miss.

Attendance announcement.

Royal Rumble

Ninety second intervals here and it’s Crush in at #1 and Ahmed in at #2. JR says Ahmed has a minute and a half to do whatever he wants to Crush. So Crush is stuck with his arms behind his back and isn’t allowed to fight back? They fight to the mat and the clock messes up so it’s Fake Razor Ramon in at #3, earning one heck of a booing. Thankfully Ahmed gets rid of the clown in about ten seconds but Faarooq shows up in the aisle, meaning Ahmed eliminates himself to go after him.

Thankfully (I think?) Phineas Godwinn is in at #4 to give us something to watch. It’s as thrilling of a brawl as you can imagine as Vince keeps talking about the clock issues, which means there’s no clock to be seen. Austin is in at #5 to wake the crowd up a bit and a middle rope clothesline is enough to allow Phineas to get rid of Crush. A Stunner gets rid of Phineas and it’s Bart Gunn in at #6. That lasts all of twenty six seconds before Austin is all alone again.

Jake Roberts is in at #7 and throws the snake bag in for a bonus. The DDT is loaded up but a backdrop gets rid of Jake, who is replaced by British Bulldog at #8. This goes a bit better with Bulldog pounding Austin down until Pierroth (AAA guy) is in at #9. The luchador gets double teamed until Bulldog wises up and turns on Austin. Sultan, whose music sounds like Pierroth’s, is in at #10 as they’re flying through this so far.

Bulldog puts Austin on the apron but gets poked in the eye for his efforts. We’ve got a clock now and the fans are into it again, which is a really good sign for the match. Mil Mascaras is in at #11 and you know he’s going to get his stuff in. HHH is in at #12 as there’s really not much going on in between these entrances. Bulldog gets rid of Sultan to clear the ring out a bit though it doesn’t do much to keep the crowd going. The middle rope middle finger elbow hits HHH and Owen Hart is in at #13.

Without much going on, Owen “accidentally” eliminates Bulldog, who really isn’t happy with his partner as a result. Goldust is in at #14 and everyone gangs up on him for some reason. Cibernetico (also from AAA) is in at #15 and is tossed almost as quickly, along with Pierroth. Marc Mero is in at #16 as Mascaras dives on Cibernetico to eliminate himself in the process (which I’m sure was a COMPLETE mistake), followed by Goldust tossing HHH. That leaves us with Hart, Austin, Mero and Goldust who are joined by Latin Lover at #17.

Lover gets in some basic stuff before Faarooq comes in at #18 to eliminate him. Cue Ahmed again for a 2×4 shot to Faarooq to get rid of him as well. Austin dumps Mero and Hart, leaving himself alone in the ring. Savio Vega, Austin’s old rival, is in at #19 and scores with a spinwheel kick. That’s about it though as Austin clotheslines him out to be alone again. Jesse James is next and while he lasts a bit longer than Vega, it’s still not even a minute before Austin gets rid of him. Austin sits on the middle rope…..and it’s BRET HART at #21, giving Austin one of the best OH DANG looks in wrestling history.

The key to him though: he sees Bret coming, shakes his head, and tells Bret to bring it on before starting the slug out. Notice that: he didn’t back down and came out swinging because that’s how Austin rolled. It wouldn’t fit Austin to panic and try to beg or something. Man against man, Austin thought he could beat anyone on the planet no matter what circumstances he was up against. That’s good storytelling and a big part of what made him a star.

Lawler is in at #22 and starts the “it takes a king” line before leaving. Two right hands later and he’s back on the floor four seconds later to finish the catchphrase. Vince: “Do you know you were just in the ring?” JR mentions that Bret said he should just be the WWF Champion coming into the show, which is a great example of how his heel turn took off.

Fake Diesel (as played by the future Kane) is in at #23 and at least he looks close enough to pass for a Nash look-a-like. From behind or at a distance, you could actually make a mistake. Fake Razor on the other hand wasn’t even close and that’s why he was booed while Diesel is greeted with general indifference. A few power moves keep everyone down until it’s Terry Funk in at #24. It says a lot when Kane is by far and away the fourth most successful wrestler in a match.

Rocky Maivia is in at #25 to make Kane even less important and of course he goes right after Austin for the sake of future issues. The slow pace continues until Mankind is in at #26, giving us Mankind, Austin, Rocky, Funk, Diesel and Hart. If there has ever been a better collection of talent at one point in the Rumble, I’ve yet to see it. Just DANG what a lineup here.

Flash Funk is in at #27 and Lawler wants the Funkettes. Bret piledrives the heck out of Austin and Flash dives off the top to take out Diesel and Terry. Vader is in at #28 as I start to miss people wrestling earlier in the show and still being in the Royal Rumble. For some reason Flash makes the mistake of going after him, only to get pummeled down in a hurry. Henry Godwinn is in at #29 to bring the talent WAY down in a hurry.

The big Henry actually clotheslines Vader down as JR compares Lawler’s entrant to Bushwhacker Luke’s 1991 entrance. Oh come on. Lawler lasted TWICE as long as Luke. Undertaker completes the field at #30, giving us a final group of Undertaker, Austin, Hart, Terry Funk, Flash Funk, Diesel, Maivia, Vader, Godwinn and Mankind. Undertaker immediately punches Vader down before chokeslamming a few people.

The still unknown brothers have a bit of a fight as Vince calls Undertaker the favorite. Vader throws Flash out and we have Henry vs. Undertaker for a rather off brawl. Rocky almost has Bret out until Vader makes the save for no apparent reason. Austin and Funk chop each other half to death and probably have a blast doing so.

Undertaker throws Henry out and my jaw drops at the talent left in there. The final eight either already are or will be in the Hall of Fame one day. That’s INSANE and will likely never be even approached again. Mankind tosses Rocky and them pummels Terry before suplexing him out to the floor. Undertaker gets rid of Mankind, who is happy to brawl to the back with Funk. Bret dumps Austin for the pop of the night but the referees are busy breaking up the brawl, allowing Austin to come back in and eliminate Vader and Undertaker. Bret gets rid of Diesel, only to have Austin throw him out for the win in a great bit of cheating.

Rating: D+. And the good here is almost ALL Austin as the rest of the match was barely even worth talking about. There wasn’t much in the way of storytelling to be seen here as there wasn’t really a big winner teased until the very end. The lack of talent up until the end and time to go with the build towards the end didn’t do a lot of good as the match doesn’t even really start until Bret comes in two thirds of the way there. It’s certainly not the worst Rumble but it’s really not good either.

Bret has another tirade and while he has a point, he handles it like a baby.

We recap Shawn vs. Sid. Back at Survivor Series, Sid attacked Shawn’s manager with a camera to cost Shawn the title. Sid has been on a rampage since but now we’re in Shawn’s hometown for the big rematch.

Shawn says he’s sick with the flu (a-huh) but he’s ready to fight with 70,000 people (or closer to 50,000 depending on who you ask) behind him.

WWF World Title: Shawn Michaels vs. Sid

Sid is defending of course. Shawn stares him down to start and is quickly shoved across the ring without too much effort. A kick to the chest puts Sid on the floor but he comes right back in and grabs a camel clutch. That goes nowhere (other than around for a long time) so Sid tries a chinlock, followed by one heck of a clothesline.

Some hard whips across the ring set up a bearhug because Sid needs to keep things slow. The bearhug stays on so long that Sid actually LAYS DOWN ON THE MAT WITH IT. A legdrop gets two and it’s already back to the reverse chinlock. Thankfully this one doesn’t last as long and Shawn comes back with a slam. Really a slam? After all that back work?

The forearm into the flying elbow connects but Sid goes outside to yell at Jose and his son. We get a ref bump so the chokeslam only gets two as a second ref comes in. Sid knocks the second referee down so Shawn hits him with the camera for two. The superkick gives Shawn the title back.

Rating: D+. As I said in the original review, this could have been much worse. I mean, not much worse but it could have been worse. Shawn winning the title back was the most obvious thing in the world and it’s ok to have him win here, especially in his hometown. It’s not exactly a good match but then again Sid isn’t exactly a good opponent. What is nice is seeing a hometown guy win a big match for a change and the fact that it derailed Shawn’s heel turn is…..well actually it kind of sucks but he wouldn’t have the title long anyway.

A ridiculously long celebration ends the show.

Overall Rating: D. Why is this show so fondly remembered? The wrestling is pretty lame (though there are worse options) and the Rumble itself isn’t much to be remembered outside of Austin starting his rise to the top of the promotion. It’s not the worst Royal Rumble of all time but I don’t remember getting into the show a single time all night, save for that look from Austin when Bret came out. Just not a very good show but it’s from a bad time for the company.

Ratings Comparison

HHH vs. Goldust

Original: C-

2013 Redo: C-

2017 Redo: F+

Ahmed Johnson vs. Faarooq

Original: D+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: D

Vader vs. Undertaker

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D+

2017 Redo: C-

Hector Garza/Perro Aguayo/El Canek vs. Jerry Estrada/Heavy Metal/Fuerza Guerrera

Original: F

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

2013 Redo: B-

2017 Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Sycho Sid

Original: C+

2013 Redo: C+

2017 Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: C+

2013 Redo: D

2017 Redo: D

Now that’s more like it. The two main events just aren’t that good but I have NO idea what I was thinking on the opener. That match is a disaster and I can’t stand it less and less every time I see it.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/17/royal-rumble-count-up-1997-bret-hart-uh-make-that-austin/

And the 2013 redo:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2013/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-2013-redo-1997-why-austin-was-a-near-perfect-character/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up my new book, KB’s Complete Monday Nitro and Thunder Reviews Volume V at Amazon for just $3.99 at:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQKDV5O

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1996
Date: January 21, 1996
Location: Selland Arena, Fresno, California
Attendance: 9,600
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect

We’re in the Monday Night Wars era now and it’s all about Shawn at the moment. He’s back from injury and in the Rumble tonight, looking to become the second person ever to win back to back Rumbles. Other than that we’ve got Bret vs. Undertaker which is another of those matches that can be hit or miss. It’s hard to say what we’ll get here….well not really because I’ve seen this show a bunch of times. Let’s get to it.

We open with Sunny in a bathtub, saying this show is graphic and view discretion is advised.

The opening video is about how the champion is defined by Hart, as in Bret Hart. Tonight though he’s against a force who has no heart, in the form of Undertaker. The IC Title match (Ramon vs. Goldust) and the Rumble are talked about as well.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ahmed Johnson

Last month at IYH, Jarrett hit Johnson with a gold record to set this up. Johnson is basically Ezekiel Jackson with a bit of skill and charisma. Jarrett immediately bails to the floor to hide. Back in he tries a hiptoss and Ahmed is like boy are you stupid or something? A headlock is easily countered by a throw from Johnson and a clothesline takes Jarrett down. There’s a World’s Strongest Slam for two for Ahmed and things slow down again. Johnson misses a clothesline by a mile but Jeff sells it anyway of course.

A cross body misses as well but this time Johnson goes flying over the top, getting his hand caught in the ropes on the way down. A HARD whip into the steps puts Johnson down and we head back in. Ahmed starts no selling stuff and catches a dive in a bearhug. That goes nowhere so Johnson sends him to the floor and hits a big dive. Back in and Ahmed misses a FREAKING SWANTON (remember that he weighs like 280) and there’s the Figure Four from Jarrett. Johnson powers out of it twice, so Jarrett cracks him with the guitar off the top for the LAME DQ.

Rating: C-. I was always an Ahmed fan so this was an easy pass for me. The image of the Swanton looked great if nothing else, which is more than enough to give this a pass. Jarrett was such a mess at this point and never went anywhere in the WWF. The ending completely sucked though and it really brought things down.

BUY OUR STUFF!

Diesel isn’t worried about the Rumble tonight and doesn’t think it’s Vader Time. He doesn’t care who he faces at Mania, but he isn’t happy with Taker being the #1 contender.

Tag Titles: Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

The Bodydonnas are Skip (Chris Candido) and Zip (Tom Prichard with a BIG haircut). They have Sunny with them and my goodness is she smoking (no pun intended) here. The Guns are defending. Skip and Billy start things off with Skip taking over with a headscissors. Just like Ahmed earlier, Billy misses a charge against the ropes and crashes to the outside. Both Gunns get double teamed until Bart ducks out of the way, allowing a charging Billy to dive onto both Donnas on the floor.

Things settle down a bit and it’s back to Billy vs. Skip with the champion in control. Sunny hits on Bart until it’s Bart vs. Zip. A gorilla press puts Zip down but he makes a blind tag, allowing Skip to take over. The champions are fine with the double teaming stuff too, and take over on Skip very easily. Sunny gets on the apron and is knocked off just as quickly, giving us a nice upskirt shot in the process.

Now we get to the important part of the match as Billy goes to check on Sunny, allowing the Donnas to pound away on Bart. Skip hits a nice plancha onto Billy before suplexing Zip onto Billy for two back inside. Billy gets to play Ricky Morton for awhile, being put in a chinlock by Zip. This goes on for awhile until we get a sloppy spot where the Donnas collide and Skip rams heads will Billy. This would work a bit better if Billy wasn’t about eight inches taller than Candido.

Hot tag brings in Bart and everything breaks down with the champions taking over. The Sidewinder (side slam/guillotine legdrop combo) crushes Zip but Sunny’s distraction lets Skip break things up and take Zip’s place. Ignore the fact that one has the straps of his singlet up and the other doesn’t, and the fact that they look as different as Demolition did. In an ending the Expresses used back in the 80s, the Donnas load up a double suplex on Bart, but Billy spears Skip down, causing Bart to fall on Zip for the pin to retain.

Rating: C-. Tag wrestling at this time was really weak with very few solid teams anywhere to be found. The Gunns were ok at best and the Donnas were only popular because of Sunny. Billy would turn heel relatively soon and would eventually join up with Road Dogg to form the New Age Outlaws and turn the division completely upside down. Nothing much to see here but it certainly wasn’t terrible.

We get some of the Billionaire Ted skits, which were unfunny shots at Ted Turner. Not his wrestling company directly, but Turner himself. I’m still not sure why they decided to do these but no one liked them and they came off as mean instead of funny or witty. Note Vince Russo as one of the executives in the board room skit.

We recap Razor vs. Goldust, where Goldust is hitting on Razor to mess with his mind before the match tonight. To say Goldust’s character got them in hot water around this point is a huge understatement.

Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon vs. Goldust

The yet to be named Marlena debuts with Goldie here. Razor is defending as is his custom. Feeling out process to start with Goldust playing his usual mind games, which means rubbing himself. Razor cranks on the arm before grabbing a headlock which goes nowhere. Goldust goes behind Razor and molests him a bit to psych Razor out even more. They head to the corner with Razor having his head rubbed a bit, ticking him off even more.

Razor goes for the arm so Goldust slaps him in the face. Perfect keeps making sex jokes as Razor slaps Goldust right back in the face. He spanks Goldie once as well, but the painted dude likes it. We head to the floor where Goldust hides behind Marlena as the stalling continues. Back in and Razor tries three straight headscissors before punching Goldust to the floor with a single shot.

We get more stalling which is called playing mind games before Ramon clotheslines him right back to the outside. Razor has to move Marlena out of the way, allowing Goldust to FINALLY do something, taking over with a shot to the ribs. Back in and Goldust focuses on the ribs, but not too much because that might mean we have some speed to this match. A bulldog gets two for Goldust as does a slingshot belly to back suplex.

Off to a sleeper, which Perfect suggests Goldust could use to do “whatever he wants” to Goldust. Much like everything else in the match, this goes on way too long until Razor fights up and kicks Goldust low. He’s so spent though that Goldie gets a two count, causing Razor to start his comeback. He fires off his usual punches and the chokeslam gets two. A belly to back superplex hit but Marlent distracts the referee, allowing the 1-2-3 Kid to come in and kick Razor’s head off. Goldust gets the easy pin and the title.

Rating: D-. Sweet freaking goodness this was dull. It went on WAY too long and had a bad ending on top of that, plus the stupid “psychology” from Goldust which wound up being more unpleasant than interesting or intelligent. Goldust would get WAY better when he became more of a comedy/parody character rather than this freaky dude that he was to start his WWF run. The matches got a lot better as a result too.

Wrestlemania 12 is coming.

We get the usual promos for the Rumble, but we start with a statement from Shawn’s doctor who says he’s back and healthy. Thankfully this is kept VERY short and he’s not dull. We hear from Owen, Roberts, Lawler, Horowitz, Vader and Shawn. Shawn would be the most obvious winner ever in the Rumble since…..well since last year when he was the absolutely obvious pick to win.

Vince and Perfect talk about the Rumble a bit.

Royal Rumble

HHH is #1, having lost a match on the Free for All to Duke Droese, who won the right to be #30. Henry Godwinn is #2 and I believe he’s feuding with HHH at this point. Helmsley pounds away in the corner to start but gets backdropped down very quickly. The intervals are back to two minutes this year thank goodness. Trips pokes him in the eye and chokes away until Bob Backlund is #3. Backlund saves HHH before pounding away on him. These wide shots are showing how nearly empty the upper deck is.

Jerry Lawler is #4 as HHH hits the jumping knee to the face of Godwinn. The fans chant Burger King and you know Lawler isn’t going to pass up a chance to rile up a crowd. He goes to get the slop bucket that Godwinn brought with him, but Henry clears the ring and gets the bucket, throwing it over the top onto Lawler and some of Backlund. Bob Holly is #5 and things slow down a bit until HHH erupts on Godwinn for some reason.

We get some slow paced elimination teases until Mabel is #6. Still nothing happens so here’s Jake Roberts at #7 to an ERUPTION. No one is eliminated yet. Jake throws in the snake and everyone but Lawler can get to the floor. After nearly giving him a heart attack with the snake, Lawler disappears for a good while as he hides under the ring. Mabel gets tied up in the ropes and pounded on for a bit until Dory Funk Jr. is #8.

The DDT is countered by HHH as we hear about a friendship between Terry Funk and Bruce Willis of all people. Backlund and Funk go at it because they’re both old and I doubt Dory knows most of the other people in the ring. Lawler is seen hiding under the ring. Yokozuna is #9 as there are WAY too many people in the match at the moment. Backlund puts Dory in the chickenwing and is eliminated by Yoko for a prize. Yoko crushes Godwinn in the corner but Mabel splashes Yoko, killing Henry in the process.

The 1-2-3 Kid is #10 but Razor charges down the aisle to chase him away (not eliminated). Officials get Razor off the Kid but it takes Mabel beating Razor down to stop the chases. It amazes me that Razor wasn’t in more Rumbles. Come to think of it….he was NEVER in a Rumble. Omori, a Japanese star that doesn’t mean much yet, is #11. At the moment we’ve got HHH, Godwinn, Lawler (under the ring), Holly, Mabel, Roberts, Funk, Yoko, the Kid and Omori in the match.

Wait where is Godwinn? I guess he went out off camera. Yoko and Mabel double team Omori until Jake pounds away on Yoko to the loudest reactions of the match so far. Funk hits a double underhook suplex on the Kid as Savio Vega is #12. He spinwheel kicks Mabel down, allowing Yoko to dump the reigning King (Mabel if you’re lucky enough to not remember that gimmick). Omori goes out thanks to Roberts and things slow down again.

Vader debuts at #13 and lumbers around while not doing much. He picks Bob Holly of all people to beat on first as Vega eliminates Dory. Vader pulls Savio back in from the apron for no apparent reason other than he wants to beat on him some more. Doug Gilbert from Memphis is #14 and HHH goes right after him for no apparent reason. Vader and Yoko slug it out to a big reaction but Vader has to stop to clothesline Roberts out.

The camera work in this is really bad as they keep looking at corners of the ring instead of the full thing, making us miss a lot of stuff. Savio pounds on Vader until one of the Squat Team members (BIG fat guys who are there because they’re fat and look alike) is #15. Vader sloppily throws Gilbert out and does the same to the Squat Team dude. Yoko and Vader slug it out again and people respond again.

The other member of the Squat Team is #16 but they both get in to double team Vader. The Mastodon (Vader) punches their faces in as only Vader can do before knocking them both to the floor. Owen Hart is #17 and everyone but Yoko is on one side of the ring for some reason. Vader and Yoko double team Savio who doesn’t seem interested in selling at all. A pair of splashes in the corner crushes him, as do a regular splash and the big leg from Yoko.

Shawn is #17 to a decent pop but significantly smaller than Jake’s. Vader throws out Savio as Shawn goes after HHH and the Kid. Vader and Yoko slug it out a bit before slugging it out a lot. They fight against the ropes, so Shawn gets a running start and dumps them BOTH AT ONCE. Now THAT wakes up the crowd. If that’s not enough, Shawn gorilla presses (!) the Kid to the floor as the ring is suddenly very thin. Hakushi is #19 as the big guys fight on the floor.

Scratch the floor part as Vader gets back in and cleans house, but none of the eliminations count because he’s not legal. Once he’s finally taken away, we’ve got Shawn, HHH, Holly, Hart, Hakushi and Lawler underneath the ring. Tatanka is #20 as Shawn thrown Jim Cornette, Vader’s manager, out. Hakushi hits a Muta elbow on Hart in the corner as HHH of course goes after Shawn.

Michaels teases a bunch of eliminations to try to make us think he’s not winning. Owen dumps Hakushi as Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jock strap over his face) is #21. Shawn gets sent through the ropes to the floor, where he pulls Lawler out and sends him back into the ring. Tatanka puts out Montoya as Shawn puts out Lawler.

Here’s Diesel at #22 and house is cleaned. There goes Tatanka at the hands of the tall one and it’s time for Shawn vs. Diesel which gets a pop but is too short to mean much. Kama (Godfather) is #23 as this continues to go slowly. Shawn pounds on Holly (why is he still in this?) in the corner as Kama and Diesel slug it out. The Ringmaster (Steve Austin who is brand new here) is #24. He’s in white boots which is a really strange thing to see for him.

Shawn does his usual overblown self safe as Holly and Austin fight. FINALLY Holly goes out after nearly forty minutes. HHH vs. Austin happens about three years before it would mean anything. Barry Horowitz (with the AWESOME rock version of Hava Nagila) is #25 and he goes after Diesel. Well no one ever accused him of being brilliant. Shawn nips up to knock Owen to the apron, but Hart skins the cat back in. Cool little sequence there.

HHH punches Diesel, so Diesel grabs him by the head and LAUNCHES him to the floor. The Game made it about 48 minutes which isn’t bad at all. MAKING A DIFFERENCE Fatu (don’t ask. PLEASE don’t ask) is #26 and he doesn’t do much. Shawn and Owen can’t suplex the other one out so here’s Isaac Yankem DDS (Kane) at #27. The ring is WAY too full but Barry is put out to thin it out a bit.

Owen hits the enziguri on Shawn which put Michaels on the shelf leading up to this match. Shawn hangs on AGAIN though and puts Owen out while we’re looking at a double feature. Austin kills Shawn with a clothesline and here’s Marty Jannetty at #28. Fatu superkicks Kane as the burst of energy from Marty is already gone. Shawn and Jannetty go at it because they’re former partners. Perfect: “They’re rocking now aren’t they?” They punch each other down and the British Bulldog is #29.

Smith goes right for Shawn because of what happened last year. I love little bits of continuity like that which you never get anymore. Davey puts out Marty as Fatu GOES OFF on Austin before clotheslining him out off camera. Yankem puts out Fatu and here’s Duke Droese at #30. The final group is Shawn, Droese, Diesel, Smith, Yankem and Kama.

Smith and Michaels fight to the floor and Owen jumps Shawn for good measure. Shawn shrugs it off and goes in to dropkick Yankem out. Kama and Diesel put out Droese to get us down to four. Shawn clotheslines Smith out before skinning the cat back in. Diesel dumps Kama and Shawn superkicks the tall one (in the shoulder) out to win for the second year in a row.

Rating: D. Oh this was DULL. The problem here was that like last year (although to a MUCH weaker degree), there were very few guys you could buy as a winner here. It’s FAR better than last year’s match but the crowd was dead for long stretches of this, mainly due to boredom. You could see the star power of the future, but that’s the problem: they weren’t stars yet and no one bought them at this point. The match isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not good if that makes sense.

Diesel is ticked off about the ending and goes back in as Shawn is stripping. They do their old Wolfpack thing in the middle of the ring (a high five where Shawn has to jump) and all is cool. Shawn poses for a long time post match.

Oh yeah we’ve got a thirty minute match left to go.

WWF World Title: Undertaker vs. Bret Hart

Bret is defending and Taker is still in his skull mask period. Diesel is still straggling behind and stares at Taker during his entrance. They brawl with neither guy getting much of an advantage. Since this is WWF, we recap what we just say two minutes ago. After all that, here’s the world champion. Taker stands in the middle of the ring and Bret circles him for a bit. Hart pounds away in the corner and Taker stares at him.

Taker LAUNCHES him into the corner which is one of my favorite of his moves. He chokes Bret in the air and moves very slowly. Off to a smother hold which goes on for a LONG time. Bret finally makes the rope so there’s Old School….which sets up the smother again. Bret fights up and hits a middle rope clothesline followed by a regular one to send Taker to the floor. There’s a dive to take out the challenger as this finally picks up the pace a bit.

Bret tries to dive off the apron at Taker but is pulled out of the air and rammed into the post. Taker rams him into various other things until Bret reverses a whip into the steps, trying to damage Taker’s knees. Back in and Bret works over the knee as this is going nowhere. The Figure Four goes on….and on…..and on……and Taker turns it over.

Bret gets to the rope, so let’s put on ANOTHER LEG HOLD! It’s that always riveting one where Bret drops an elbow on the leg and just lays on it. This is also known as the Dusty Rhodes Special. He does however mix it up by trying to take off Taker’s mask. After being in this for literally about three minutes, Taker smashes his free leg on Bret’s head before we head back to the floor. Taker chokes away with a cord and sends Bret into the barricade as we head back in.

The champ goes back to the freaking knee as the fans loudly boo Bret. Taker’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and it’s back to laying on the leg. Dear goodness get this over with already. We’re over twenty minutes into this and NOTHING has happened. To save my sanity the hold doesn’t last as long this time and Taker fights back. There are some legdrops and a clothesline as Taker’s knee seems fine. He loads up the Tombstone but Bret slides down his back and guillotines Taker on the ropes.

A DDT puts Taker down and Bret starts headbutting the back. We get the Russian legsweep but Taker sits up. The bulldog takes Taker down and there’s the middle rope elbow. Bret gives the fans a thumbs down and loads up the Sharpshooter. Taker grabs him by the throat to block it but Bret knees him in the ribs. A double clothesline puts both guys down and we lay around a bit more.

Bret is up first and takes off the buckle from a corner. He goes for the mask again and gets it off to reveal….the same Undertaker we’ve seen for like five years at this point. Seriously he looks fine. Taker fights back but gets rammed into the exposed buckle. That gets no sold and it’s a Tombstone for Bret. Since this is such a dull match though, Diesel pulls the referee out at two for a DQ.

Rating: D+. This started VERY slow but got better for the last ten minutes or so, but the ending brings it right back down again. If this had been a fifteen minute match or so it would have been WAY better, but they only had so many other matches on the card, meaning this had to be longer. Diesel would face Taker at Mania of course.

Gorilla Monsoon makes Diesel vs. Bret for the title at the next PPV.

Shawn says the 90s will be his time.

Taker comes in to yell at Gorilla, saying that Diesel won’t be champion on his watch. Gorilla makes it a cage match so Taker can’t interfere.

Diesel goes on a big rant about how he’s not afraid of the dark and says he’s going to have his hands in everything from now on because the WWF is running on Diesel Power. This was his official heel turn.

Cornette says Vader cannot be ignored. He pretty much was until Summerslam.

Overall Rating: D. This is a really weird show to grade because while most of the matches got bad grades, it’s not that bad of a show overall. Don’t get me wrong: it’s bad, but it’s really not as bad as it sounds. The first two matches are certainly watchable, but they’re not that good. The Rumble is also passable, but it’s dull at times. Not horrible, but definitely not worth seeing.

Ratings Comparison

Ahmed Johnson vs. Jeff Jarrett

Original: D+

Redo: C-

Smoking Gunns vs. Bodydonnas

Original: D

Redo: C-

Goldust vs. Razor Ramon

Original: D

Redo: D-

Royal Rumble

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Undertaker

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Overall Rating

Original: D-

Redo: D

Amazingly enough I liked it a bit better this time.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/15/royal-rumble-count-up-1996-shawns-texas-two-step/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 1995
Date: January 22, 1995
Location: USF Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida
Attendance: 10,000
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler

Oh dang it 1995 WWF still exists. This is that year that no one likes to talk about and you have to fly through it as fast as you can or you might risk seeing something on it. The big twist this year is that the intervals in the Rumble are only 60 seconds, so the whole match is like 40 minutes long. The other problem is that Diesel is WWF Champion here. The good news is that he’s facing Bret Hart, one of the two men capable of dragging an awesome match out of him. Let’s get to it.

We open with the big deal about tonight’s show: Pamela Anderson arrives. She’ll be escorting the winner of the Rumble to the ring at Wrestlemania. A bunch of guys arrive to greet her.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Jarrett is challenging and now has the Roadie with him. Razor starts with his usual assortment of punches and a fallaway slam to send Jeff to the floor. After a little toweling off on the floor, Jeff armdrags Razor down and struts. They trade arm holds until Razor gets taken to the mat where Jeff messes with his hair. Careful with the grease there Jeff. Razor gets annoyed and knocks Jeff to the floor for some more Memphis stalling.

Jeff gets back in and is immediately puts in an armbar where Razor can mess with Jarrett’s hair. Some dropkicks floor the champ and a clothesline gets two. Razor catches a boot coming and ducks the enziguri from Jeff, but Razor misses an elbow to keep Jarrett in control. We hit the chinlock followed by a sunset flip by Jeff for two. Another dropkick gets the same and Jarrett is getting frustrated.

Jarrett hooks a sleeper but Razor quickly counters. The counter doesn’t last long though as Jeff hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Ramon slides behind Jeff in the corner and crotches him on the post to a big pop. We get a messed up (not botched mind you) spot where Razor was going to try a bulldog off the middle rope but Jeff turns around and it had to be a clothesline. Eh no harm no foul. Jeff backdrops Razor to the floor, injuring the champ’s knee. Roadie clips him in the knee and Razor gets counted out.

We won’t get to the rating just yet. Post match Jeff calls Razor a coward for taking the easy way out like that and calls him back into the ring. Razor pulls a Marty McFly and takes the bait, giving us another match.

Intercontinental Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Razor tries some quick rollups for two but Jeff goes right for the knee to take over. Jeff does his best Ric Flair imitation but as he goes for the third cannonball down onto the leg, Razor kicks him over the top and out to the floor. Back in and Jarrett puts on the Figure Four, putting Razor in a lot of trouble. Razor escapes and starts his comeback with punches and the belly to back superplex but Jeff counters in mid air for two. Razor clotheslines him down and loads up the Edge, but the knee gives out and Jeff rolls him up for the pin and the title.

Rating: C+. I always remember liking this match and it holds up pretty well. Memphis stalling isn’t for everyone but it’s a good way of drawing heel heat, which Jeff might as well have been an iceberg for otherwise. Razor was awesome at this point and had good chemistry with Jeff, so this worked pretty well all around. The ending was smart as it was Razor’s trademark ending for house shows, but he would usually win in about 30 seconds with the Razor’s Edge. Nice to see them switch things up here.

Pamela Anderson has been given a lot of gifts from various wrestlers. One of the running gags on this show is that Pamela clearly doesn’t want to be here at all and has these “GET ME OUT OF HERE” looks on her face the whole night. Todd Pettingill tries to hit on her and completely fails of course.

Jeff says it’s time to celebrate.

IRS vs. The Undertaker

This is the start of the Undertaker vs. Million Dollar Team feud which went on FOREVER. The bell rings and we stand around a lot. IRS tries to jump Taker from behind and it goes nowhere. Taker glares him down to the floor and the stalling continues. IRS slides in, gets glared down, and hides on the floor again. Finally we head back in with IRS pounding away and getting kicked in the face for his efforts.

Taker grabs him by the tie and swings him out of the corner, followed by Old School as this is dominance so far. IRS and DiBiase get in an argument on the floor, causing DiBiase to call for some druids. Taker loads up Old School again but the druid shakes the rope and Taker goes down. A clothesline puts Taker on the floor where he beats on the druids a bit before IRS jumps him from behind.

The druids send Taker into the steps and there’s an abdominal stretch by IRS. That goes nowhere so Taker misses an elbow to really slow himself down. IRS hits some basic stuff as the crowd is almost completely silent. Druid interference gets two for IRS and also allows him to escape the Tombstone. A clothesline puts Taker down but he pops up and hits a chokeslam for the pin.

Rating: D. At the end of the day, this was about thirteen minutes of Taker beating up IRS. I mean….did ANYONE buy IRS as a threat to the Dead Man here? That was the problem with the eight month long feud between Taker and DiBiase’s group: no one on the team was a real threat to him at all. Bad match here but that had to be expected.

Post match Taker beats up the druids and has a staredown with King Kong Bundy. During the staring, IRS steals the Urn. There’s the launch of the feud and Bundy beats up Taker for awhile.

Diesel doesn’t have much to say about his match with Bret.

Bret is ready for his chance at the title.

WWF World Title: Diesel vs. Bret Hart

Diesel is defending in case you’re really slow. Bret tries to brawl to start but is almost immediately knocked down by a big shot to the face. A clothesline puts Bret on the floor where he chills for a bit. Back in and Bret goes after the knee like a smart Hitman. He puts on a quick Figure Four and after a good deal of time in it, Diesel gets to the rope. Bret does something you hardly ever see enough: he puts the same hold back on. Why don’t more people do that? He had Diesel in trouble, so why mess with what was working?

Diesel makes the rope again and heads to the floor where Bret hits a suicide dive to have the champ reeling. Diesel shrugs it off and sends Hart into the steps to get a breather. With Bret in the ropes, Diesel hits the running crotch attack to his back. There’s a backbreaker to Bret and Diesel bends him across the knee a bit. Bret fires off some right hands but gets whipped hard into the buckle to stop him cold.

The champ loads up the Jackknife but instead puts Bret on his shoulder for a backbreaker. Why he doesn’t JACKKNIFE HIM WHEN HE HAS THE CHANCE is beyond my intelligence as Bret escapes. A big boot (Diesel’s leg seems fine) puts Bret down for two, but Bret gets a boot up of his own, followed by a middle rope clothesline for two. Hart goes up and Diesel tries to slam him off, but the knee goes out, giving Bret a two count.

The kickout sends Bret to the floor and he pulls Diesel’s legs out for the figure four around the post. Actually scratch that as he ties Diesel’s legs together instead and pounds away. The Five Moves of Doom get two but Diesel grabs a rope to block the Sharpshooter. Bret clotheslines him to the floor but a dive is caught in mid-air. The tall guy rams him into the post and hits the Jackknife in the ring, but Shawn Michaels runs in to break up the count.

Shawn beats on Diesel’s leg which isn’t a DQ for no apparent reason. Shawn and Diesel had split up at Survivor Series if you’re wondering why this beating is happening. We get a ruling that the match must continue to the delight (yes I said delight) of the crowd. Bret goes back to the knee, hooking another Figure Four. Diesel can’t get to the ropes so he hits Bret in the bad ribs to escape. Ah selling, how I love you.

Diesel is all ticked off now and pounds away on Bret in the corner. A gutwrench suplex of all things gets two for the champ but a big boot in the corner misses. Bret wraps Diesel’s leg around the post and blasts it with a chair. There’s the Sharpshooter but now it’s Owen coming in for the save and a beatdown on Bret. I would say there’s a great tag match in there, but Bret and Shawn teaming up would mean the end of the world as we know it.

The match is going to continue AGAIN though and Diesel gets two on Bret. The place is starting to lose its minds over these near falls. Bret sends him into the buckle that Owen exposed and pounds away as Diesel is rocking again. Diesel comes back AGAIN with elbows and forearms to the face before punching Bret into the ropes where Hart’s legs are caught. Bret is holding his knee but you never know with him.

Yep, he stands up and lays back down in some classic Hart goldbricking. Diesel goes for the Jackknife but Bret fakes him into a small package for two. Bret tries an O’Connor Roll and the referee is bumped. Backlund, Michaels, Roadie and Jarrett run in and that’s FINALLY enough for the double DQ.

Rating: A. These two had MAD chemistry together and this was no exception. They knew how to work the David vs. Goliath (I’m not sure how fair it is to call Bret David actually) formula to perfection and the matches were great as a result. Why the company kept going with Diesel vs. power guys is beyond me, because his best stuff comes against small guys like Bret and Shawn and always has.

Backlund stays in the ring and puts the Crossface Chicken Wing on Bret. This set up their I Quit match at Mania which even Bret admits sucked. Diesel makes the save and hugs Bret.

More Pettingill and Anderson stuff.

Bob Holly and 1-2-3 Kid are excited to be in the finals of the tag team title tournament.

Tag Titles: Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Shawn and Diesel split up and we needed champions. Holly and Tatanka start things off with Tatanka hitting a side slam for two. Holly comes back with a slam and a few dropkicks as this is going nowhere so far. Off to the Kid vs. Bigelow, with the big man running over both of the smaller guys with ease. Bigelow LAUNCHES Kid into the air but gets caught in a rana to send Bam Bam rolling.

Back to Tatanka who whips Kid into the buckles a few times before it’s off to Bigelow to pound on the small guy some more. In something that actually impressed me, Kid backdrops Bigelow to the floor. Both small guys try top rope cross bodies but they escape and dropkick the heels together. Things settle down with Tatanka beating on Holly for a LONG time. Bigelow comes in, allowing Tatanka to distract the Kid. Holly goes to the corner to find no partner and Bigelow splashes Bob.

Holly gets beaten down so badly that he goes to the wrong corner and tags in Tatanka. Thank goodness this isn’t the Attitude Era because it probably would have been legal in some of their matches. Tatanka comes in for more beating on Holly until Bob FINALLY gets in a clothesline for the hot tag to the Kid. Everything breaks down and Kid is LAUNCHED to the floor by Bigelow. Bam Bam loads up the moonsault but Tatanka accidentally hits the ropes to knock him to the mat. Somehow that’s enough for the pin and the titles for the Kid.

Rating: C+. This went nearly sixteen minutes which was just too long. It’s quite good but it would have been great if they cut off five minutes or so. Those launches by Bigelow were awesome looking as Kid continues to be an excellent seller of moves like those. The idea was that it was all Bigelow’s fault, even though Tatanka is totally to blame for Bigelow crashing like that. The Gunns would win the titles back the next night on Raw, making this whole thing pretty pointless.

Post match DiBiase and Tatanka leave Bigelow in the ring, where Lawrence Taylor, NFL legend, laughs at him. Bigelow shoves him down, and there’s Wrestlemania people.

We get a recap of the 94 Rumble, focusing on Diesel’s dominance and Shawn helping to eliminate him.

Shawn laughs a bit.

We look at the ending to the match from last year.

Luger says he wants the title. Lex, it’s been over for you for like eight months now. Let it go dude.

Vince apologizes to Lawrence Taylor.

Here’s Pamela Anderson to watch the Rumble at ringside and MAN does she look miserable.

Royal Rumble

Shawn is #1 and Bulldog is #2. Shawn immediately jumps Bulldog but this isn’t going to last long. Remember there are one minute intervals, which was just a bad idea in general. Smith gets a quick gorilla press, but why throw Shawn OUT when you can just slam him? That clearly won’t come back to haunt him later or anything of course. Smith charges into a boot and here’s Eli Blu (one of the Harris Brothers, who were the big bald bikers who were around for WAY too long) at #3.

Nothing happens so here’s Duke Droese (a wrestling garbageman) at #4. Eli fights Smith and Droese squeezes Shawn until Jimmy Del Ray of the Heavenly Bodies is #5. Nothing continues to happen because there isn’t enough time between entries. Sione (Barbarian) of the Headshrinkers is #6 as Del Ray is tossed out. Tom Prichard of the Heavyenly Bodies is #7 and STILL nothing is happening.

Doink is #8 as the Rumble is going way too fast. It’s like the original Rumble: not enough names to care about and nothing going on at the same time. Kwang is #9 and Rick Martel is #10, I believe in his last WWF match. There are nine people in the ring right now. Shawn is almost out but fights off Kwang to survive. Owen Hart is in at #11 and here’s Bret to jump him in the aisle. Owen survives and climbs in, only to be eliminated in three seconds.

Shawn puts out Droese and Timothy Well (partners with Steven Dunn in the tag team of Well Dunn) is #12 and is out almost immediately. Martel and Prichard go out faster than I can see them and Kwang superkicks Doink out. Luke of the Bushwhackers is #13 and during his entrance, everyone but Bulldog and Shawn are gone. Literally, four people were put out inside of six seconds. Luke is out almost immediately and it’s Shawn vs. Bulldog again.

Here’s Jacob Blu at #14 and HE TOO is gone in like fifteen seconds. This is so stupid. King Kong Bundy is #15 and he beats on both guys for about twenty seconds before it’s Mo at #16. Mo is like the fifth guy to last less than thirty seconds. If your roster is this weak, CUT THE FREAKING MATCH DOWN. Nothing else happens until Mable is #17 for the showdown with Bundy. Mabel dumps him out as Butch is #18 and is gone in less than 20 seconds as well. More on this later.

Lex Luger is #19 and he goes right for Mabel for no apparent reason. He eliminates the fat purple and gold dude before gorilla pressing Michaels down like an idiot. Mantaur, a stupid monster character, is #20. He beats on Luger and Bulldog until Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible with a jockstrap on his face) is #21. Henry Godwinn is #22 as we’re waiting on a bunch of people to get thrown out so everyone can go home. I think this is one of Henry’s first matches.

Billy Gunn is #23 so naturally Bart Gunn is #24. Bob Backlund is #25 and also lasts about fifteen seconds due to a Bret Hart attack. Steven Dunn is #26 as there are like ten people in there. Bret and Backlund fight in the aisle again and old man Dick Murdoch is #27. Mantaur misses a charge at Bart and Adam Bomb is #28. For the second year in a row, Vince decides Adam Bomb is going to win the Rumble. Seriously.

Fatu is #29 and Luger eliminates Mantaur. Crush is #30, giving us a final group of Shawn, Bulldog, Luger, Montoya, Godwinn, Bart, Billy, Dunn, Murdoch, Bomb, Fatu and Crush, or WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE. Thankfully Crush immediately eliminates the Gunns to clear the ring out a bit. We cut to Anderson who gives a very uninterested wave and points to the ring. You know, because this is SO beneath her. Well, not beneath her enough to give the check back or anything but you get the idea.

Dunn is put out off camera and Murdoch almost puts Shawn out. Luger makes the save due to a lack of intelligence as Murdoch tries headbutts on Fatu. Naturally it doesn’t work at all because YOU DON’T HEADBUTT A SAMOAN. Bomb is backdropped out and Shawn throwsn Montoya out. Luger saves Shawn AGAIN and Crush eliminates Fatu. There are six guys left: Murdoch (who hits a dropkick and airplane spin on Godwinn), Godwinn, Shawn, Bulldog, Crush and Luger.

Murdoch gets dizzy from the spin and falls out to get us down to five. Lex dumps Godwinn and we’ve got four left. Michaels and Crush double team Luger as Bulldog gets a breather. They dump Lex and we’ve got three guys left. Smith gets double teamed until Shawn turns on Crush and is lifted into the air. Bulldog uses the distraction to eliminate Crush and it’s one on one. Davey destroys Shawn and presses him onto (not over. That would make sense) the top rope. Shawn is knocked over the top, but in the famous finish, he hangs on and ONLY ONE FOOT touches, allowing Shawn to come back in and eliminate Smith to win.

Rating: D. This is a hard one to grade, because the stuff that was decent was in fact decent. The problem is there wasn’t much stuff that falls into that category. First and foremost, SEVEN PEOPLE OUT OF THIRTY did not last thirty seconds. If they’re that meaningless to the match, simply do not put them in the Rumble. It looks stupid and there’s no reason to have them out there.

Second, the time intervals. These were a major issues because there’s no time to get ANYTHING going in the match. When you count ten seconds or so to get into the ring (some people take up to twenty), you’re looking at about 45 seconds of action with the new guy before someone else comes out. That’s just not enough time to get anything going at all.

Third, and this is probably the biggest problem of the match, look at the roster here. At a glance, I see four people with actual chances to win: Crush, Luger (they’re both BIG stretches), Bulldog, and Shawn. After that there’s Owen Hart but he was one of the guys that didn’t make it thirty seconds in the ring.

Then you’re looking at guys like Montoya and Well Dunn and the Bushwhackers (who amazingly still had jobs in 1995) and the Heavenly Bodies (by my count there were five tag teams in here, or one third of the match. WAY too many guys at that level) and Dick freaking Murdoch. This is a match that was BEGGING for a midcard to come in and fill in some spots. Guys like Ramon and Jarrett and Bigelow and Tatanka would have helped this match a ton, but instead we get all these fillers. That’s a big reason why this didn’t work.

Anderson poses with Shawn to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade because as good as the world title match is, the Rumble sucks it right back down. IRS vs. Taker isn’t anything good but it’s much more boring than bad. The opener and tag matches are good so I can’t complain much there. 1995 would be AWFUL for the most part though, mainly due to all of the problems you could see coming in the Rumble. Still though, not an awful show by any stretch and it has a great world title match.

Ratings Comparison

Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B+

Redo: C+

Undertaker vs. IRS

Original: D

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Diesel

Original: B-

Redo: A

Bob Holly/1-2-3 Kid vs. Bam Bam Bigelow/Tatanka

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: C+

What in the world was I thinking on the title match? It was great.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/14/royal-rumble-count-up-1995/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Royal Rumble 1994
Date: January 22, 1994
Location: Providence Civic Center, Providence, Rhode Island
Attendance: 14,500
Commentators: Vince McMahon, Ted DiBiase

This is one of those shows where the good stuff is good but the bad stuff is REALLY bad. The main idea here is that someone has to stop Yokozuna, and it’s going to be one of three people: Bret Hart or Lex Luger who could get the shot by winning the Rumble, or the Undertaker who has a casket match against Yoko tonight for the title. Oh….this is going to be a long night. Let’s get to it.

Vince is on commentary here and gets to do his carnival barker stuff. The guy knows how to make a show sound exciting, I have to give him that. DiBiase comes out to do commentary with McMahon due to having to retire late in 1993 due to a bunch of injuries.

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Bigelow is in Ludvig Borga’s spot because Borga broke his ankle. Bigelow pounds on Tatanka to start and dropkicks him into the corner. Tatanka literally bounces off of Bigelow before coming back with a chop to take Bigelow down. A DDT puts Bam Bam down again but Tatanka goes up for a cross body, missing Bigelow by a mile. This is a REALLY hot start so far. Bigelow crushes Tatanka in the corner with a splash and things slow down somewhat.

Tatanka gets in a shot to the head and tries a top rope sunset flip, only to have Bam Bam sit on him. When all else fails, sit on the other guy. Off to a bearhug for about two minutes before Bigelow drops him with a shoulder block. Tatanka starts his war path thing so Bam Bam decks him in the head with an enziguri to drop him. The moonsault misses though and Tatanka goes up again, this time hitting the cross body for the pin.

Rating: C+. Shockingly hot opener here and if you cut the bear hug in half or so, this is a really solid match. They stuck to the formula really well here and the match was good as a result. This is one of the nice surprises in wrestling: on paper this sounded horrible but it turned out to be a pretty nice match. Good opener.

We recap the tag title match, which is a rare instance where it’s all about the challengers rather than the champions. Owen Hart was the only Hart Brother eliminated in the Survivor Series match against Shawn and his Knights, which ticked him off. Owen had been whipped into Bret on the apron and the distraction let Shawn roll Owen up for the pin.

This caused Owen to cut a heel promo, talking about how he was tired of being in Bret’s shadow and wanting a match with him to escape it. Bret of course said no, but instead offered to team up with Owen to get his brother his first championship. Owen talked about leading the team but seemed genuinely ok at this point. For some reason we also see the Quebecers losing the tag titles to the 1-2-3 Kid and Marty Jannetty for a single week for some reason.

The Harts talk about all the teams they’re going to give title shots to once they win the belts tonight.

Tag Titles: Bret Hart/Owen Hart vs. Quebecers

The Quebecers are managed by Johnny Polo, who would change his name to Raven in ECW. Pierre and Bret start things off with the challenger taking over. Off to Owen to work on the arm with his signature spinning counter to a wristlock. Off to Jacques and they botch something, but Owen hits a quick suplex to keep things on track. An enziguri gets two for Owen and it’s back to Bret.

After a bunch of rollups by Bret, everything breaks down and the Quebecers take over. Actually scratch that as Owen hits a kind of spear into a rollup for two and the Harts stand tall. It’s Bret vs. Jacques with Hart in control until it’s back to Owen for a gutwrench suplex for two. Bret comes back in, only to get powerslammed down by Pierre. A pair of knees to the back gets two and it’s back to Jacques.

That goes nowhere so Pierre comes in to jump into a boot. Owen comes back in and belly to bellys Jacques down before hooking the Sharpshooter. Pierre bulldogs Owen down for a fast save of course and it’s back to Pierre legally. Owen dropkicks both Quebecers down and it’s off to Bret again. For some reason both champions are allowed to stay in the ring for way too long. Pierre is atomic dropped to the floor, and now we get to the turning point of the match: Johnny Polo holds the ropes open to send Bret to the floor. Bret comes up holding his knee and he’s in big trouble.

Pierre rams the knee into the barricade to further the damage and the match turns into a kind of sloppy brawl on the floor. Owen finally throws Bret back into the ring and the leg work begins. Jacques puts on a half crab but Owen makes a fast save. The champions load up the Cannonball (kind of an aided Swanton) but Bret rolls away. Instead of tagging though, Bret tries the Sharpshooter….and the referee stops the match for the knee injury.

Rating: B-. This is one of those matches where you can look at it in multiple ways. From a match standpoint, it’s a standard tag match with the faces and heels doing exactly what they would be expected to do. On the other hand, the idea here was about setting up Owen’s heel turn, and the ending does that perfectly. There was no reason for Bret to not tag at the end and it sets Owen off as it should.

Post match Owen glares at Bret and paces back and forth. Bret manages to pull himself up but can barely stand up. Owen kicks the leg out, officially turning heel to HUGE booing. He leaves so here are some officials to come check on Bret. Ray Rougeau, a reporter for WWF at this point, comes out to interview Bret while he’s on his back in agony. For some reason that cracks me up.

Owen is in the back and goes on a huge tirade about how selfish Bret is and how Bret cost him the biggest match of his career. Bret is being carried to the back and has to watch this promo on the video screen. Owen’s face here is great as he unleashes all this pent up anger and frustration on Bret, saying he’ll win the Rumble because he doesn’t have to count on Bret. This would be the top feud for the next eight months or so.

Intercontinental Title: IRS vs. Razor Ramon

Guess who is defending here. JR and Gorilla Monsoon do commentary for this match. IRS goes on a big rant about how evil the crowd here is for not paying their taxes, even though they have about three months left to file. Razor goes off on IRS to start, knocking him out to the floor. IRS comes back with some forearms but Razor punches him right back down to take over again.

Ramon hits a bunch of basic stuff like atomic drops and clotheslines for some two counts, but IRS ducks under a clothesline to send Razor out to the floor. Back in and IRS goes up but jumps into a boot. For one of the only times I can EVER remember this happening, IRS avoids the foot and drops an elbow for two instead. WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO DO???

We hit the chinlock for well over a minute before Razor fights up and hits the fallaway slam. The referee gets knocked out in the corner and IRS grabs his briefcase, only for Razor to take it back and clock him in the head with it. No referee though, so Razor loads up a belly to back superplex. There’s still no referee, so Razor sets for the Edge, only to have Shawn run out and clock him with the fake IC Title. IRS finally wakes up and pins Razor for the title.

Rating: D+. This wasn’t bad but the overbooking hurt it a lot. This should have lasted about three minutes less and it would have been a lot better. Oddly enough I don’t remember IRS being champion at all, but then again this is the remastered version so maybe they really cleaned things up.

Or maybe another referee comes out to explain the interference and the match is restarted. Razor hits the Edge to retain.

Bearer and Undertaker are making a coffin for Yoko.

We recap the world title match, which is Yoko being scared of Taker and Taker being one of the last hopes to stop the monster. Apparently the contract was signed before Yoko and company knew it was a casket match. Taker I believe debuted his popping out of the casket spot in this feud.

WWF World Title: The Undertaker vs. Yokozuna

They stare each other down to start and Taker fires off his uppercuts to stagger the champion. A clothesline puts Yoko down and another uppercut puts Yoko on the floor. Taker is sent into the steps and it’s immediately no sold, scaring Yoko to death again. There’s Old School but the jumping clothesline misses as Yoko ducks. Why does no one else ever think of doing that?

They fight over a chair on the floor which winds up going upside Yoko’s head. There’s a plastic chair to the back of the champion but Yoko grabs the trusty salt to blind Taker. Now it’s Taker’s back getting hit with the chair and we head back inside. A clothesline puts Taker down but he fights out of the casket. Taker wins a slugout in the middle of the ring but Yoko belly to belly suplexes him down. Come on. You know that’s not holding him down. Taker pops up and grabs Yoko by the throat and hits a DDT to put the champion down again.

Yoko is placed in the casket but here’s Crush to block Taker from closing it. Taker slugs him down so here’s Great Kabuki and Tenryu but Taker beats them down as well. Yoko is still out cold in the casket. Bam Bam Bigelow comes in now and it’s 4-1 in the ring. One has to wonder why Paul Bearer doesn’t go over and close the casket but this match doesn’t seem to be the most logical one. Fuji and Cornette have stolen the Urn.

Yoko finally gets out of the casket as Bearer beats up Fuji and Cornette, stealing the Urn back. He uses it to recharge Taker, who fights off all four mercenaries. Now it’s Adam Bomb to make it technically 8-1 but Taker fights everyone off with the salt bucket. Jeff Jarrett comes in as well, as do the Headshrinkers. That makes it NINE wrestlers (Yoko, Crush, Kabuki, Tenryu, Bigelow, Jarrett, Samu, Fatu, Adam Bomb) against Undertaker.

AND HE GETS UP. Diesel comes out and they get Taker in the coffin but he fights ALL OF THEM OFF. Yoko steals the Urn and hits Taker in the head with it before opening the Urn. Green smoke comes out of it and Taker now is powerless. Everyone hits a bunch of moves on him as this goes on WAY too long. After ALL THAT, Taker is put in the coffin and Yoko retains the title.

Rating: F. On a major wrestling show, The Undertaker just fought off ten men until green smoke was released to drain him of his power. I’ve seen Japanese anime that makes more sense than this. Oh and the match itself, as in the one on one part, might have gone about six minutes.

BUT IT GETS WORSE!

The heels all push the coffin away when a gong goes off. Smoke comes out of the casket…..and a FREAKING CAMERA FEED FROM INSIDE THE CASKET POPS UP ON THE SCREEN. Taker says his soul lives in everyone and he can’t be extinguished. He says there’s going to be a rebirth of the Undertaker and he won’t rest in peace. Then electrical noises go off and we get something like an inverse camera shot (as in it’s all in black and white but what is white is black and what is black is white).

Then, to REALLY hammer home the point, the image on the screen starts to rise up through the top of the screen (which should be the top of the casket, meaning it should be ramming into the people that put him in the freaking casket) and A FREAKING BODY RISES OUT OF THE TOP OF THE SCREEN. AS IN A TANGIBLE BODY (which might have been played by Marty Jannetty).

In other words, WWF just said Taker is something like Jesus. Oh and one other thing to really make sure this is stupid: YOU CAN’T SEE IT. All I can see are some quick shots of it when flashes go off. This is one of those things that embarrasses me as a wrestling fan. I mean…..WOW.

The usual Rumble interviews eat up some time.

Royal Rumble

Scott Steiner is #1 and Samu is #2. Also the intervals are every 90 seconds this year so the entrances will come in faster than ever. Scott pounds away to start and hits a butterfly suplex as Samu tries to hang on. He does indeed survive and kills Scott with a clothesline. Rick Steiner is #3 and Samu is in BIG trouble. After some suplexes he’s out very quickly (but not before getting his head caught in the top and middle rope which is always kind of scary looking), giving us the Battle of the Steiners.

That battle literally lasts six seconds as Kwang (Savio Vega in a mask, allegedly Asian here) is #4. Scott suplexes Kwang down and Owen Hart is #5 to BIG heel heat. The heels take over and Owen actually dumps Rick out. That’s one of the rare times where the constant pushing against the ropes worked. Bart Gunn is #6 and things speed up a bit. No one really does anything so here’s Diesel at #7. This is where things pick up as this match is without a doubt Diesel’s coming out party.

He beats on everyone and throws out Bart, Scott, Owen and Kwang inside of 45 seconds. Bob Backlund is #8 and immediately goes for the leg. He actually gets Diesel up against the ropes and upside down, but Diesel will have none of that. Who would believe these two would have a world title match in Madison Square Garden later in the year? Backlund is gone quickly. Billy Gunn is #9 and doesn’t even last fifteen seconds.

We cut to the back where Kabuki and Tenryu are destroying Lex Luger. After Diesel stands around for a bit, he has to throw out Virgil who is #10 in about thirty seconds (causing DiBiase to laugh loudly and get in some good verbal jabs). Note that the fans are LOUDLY chanting for Diesel here, who had NEVER gotten a reaction until this point. No one has been able to stand up to Diesel at all so far. #11 is Randy Savage. This should be a bit better challenge I’d think.

Savage goes right for him and pounds away on the big man in the corner before peppering him with jabs. He has Diesel in trouble but Jeff Jarrett is #12 to save the not yet Big Daddy Cool. We hear about Jarrett wanting to become WWF Champion so he’ll be a famous country singer in Nashville. And people wonder why he never got over until he completely changed everything about his character.

Savage is thrown to the apron by Jarrett but Randy comes back and eliminates Jeff with ease. Crush, who Savage HATES at this point, is #13. Diesel just kind of chills in the corner as Savage beats up Crush. The numbers finally catch up with Savage though until Crush eliminates him with ease. Doink is #14 and he gets beaten up as well but not tossed. Here’s his big rival Bam Bam Bigelow at #15 and it’s 3-1 now. Bigelow easily thorws the clown out ala the Spike Dudley throw from ECW.

Mabel is #16 and dang there are some big guys in there. He goes right for Diesel in a terrifying preview of Summerslam 95. Mabel cleans house until Sparky Plugg (Bob Holly as a racecar driver and debuting here as a replacement for the 1-2-3 Kid) is #17. Shawn Michaels is #18 and stares down Diesel to start. Everyone gets on Diesel and Shawn gives the final push to eliminate him. Diesel gets a VERY audible ovation and chant as he leaves.

Mo, Mabel’s totally useless partner, is #19. Nothing of note happens so here’s Greg Valentine in a one night only appearance at #20. Mabel misses a charge in the corner and Shawn is gorilla pressed by Crush but not eliminated for some reason. Tatanka comes in at #21. To recap we’ve got Plugg, Valentine, Tatanka, Mabel, Bigelow, Crush, Michaels and Mo in there. Valentine puts Michaels on the apron but can’t get him out.

Kabuki is #22 and almost everyone gangs up on Mabel to dump him out. It’s amazing how much easier it is to see with the big fat purple tub of goo out of there. Lex Luger (looking FINE after that attack like 15 minutes ago) is #23 and he cleans house. There are ten people in the ring right now but there goes Kabuki at the hands of Lex. Luger clotheslines Bigelow down and here’s Tenryu at #24.

There are WAY too many people in there right now. Like seriously, do we need FREAKING MO in there? Or Valentine? Those are bodies you could dump out and no one would care. Luger and Tenryu go at it as Shawn is almost dumped out. Bastion Booger is supposed to be #25 but he’s not here for some reason (Vince says it was supposed to be Bret Hart but more on that in a bit). I believe there are nine people in there at the moment so Booger not coming in was a good thing. Granted it was a good thing either way but you get the idea. Rick Martel is #26 and nothing happens.

For your big face pop of the match (other than Diesel): Bret Hart is #27 and limping very badly. Today, people would have a bandage on the knee and charge to the ring because modern wrestling is stupid. Fatu is #28 and DEAR FREAKING GOODNESS THROW SOMEONE OUT ALREADY! A bunch of guys team up and FINALLY throw Crush out as Marty Jannetty is #29. Naturally he goes right for Shawn and punches Shawn to the apron.

Adam Bomb is #30, giving us a ridiculous THIRTEEN FINAL PEOPLE in the Rumble. The final group is Bigelow, Sparky, Shawn, Mo (seriously, FREAKING MO?), Valentine, Tatanka, Luger, Tenryu, Martel, Hart, Fatu, Jannetty and Bomb. Bret saves Shawn (shocking I know) to dump out Sparky, thank goodness. Bret beats on everyone as we still need to get rid of more people. Everyone beats on everyone for awhile and nothing is happening. DiBiase: “The smart thing to do is go after Bret Hart’s knee.” Vince: “The smart thing to do is throw people out of the ring.” Did….did Vince just burn Ted Dibiase?

Martel dumps Valentine but is quickly dumped out by Tatanka. Luger throws out Bomb and Mo is FINALLY put out as well. Bigelow tosses Tatanka and Lex forearms Bam Bam out. Jannetty goes out to get us down to Luger, Hart, Fatu, Tenryu and Shawn. Tenryu rams Shawn and Fatu’s heads together which only hurts Shawn of course. Luger and Bret put out Tenryu and it’s Bret vs. Shawn (duh). Luger goes for Fatu’s head and gets superkicked for being stupid.

The heels put Luger on the apron but he fights them both off and clotheslines Fatu into a 360. Bret dumps Fatu and Luger dumps Shawn and we’re down to two. They slug it out and Luger picks up Bret, but they both fall out at the same time, giving us a double elimination to end the Rumble.

Rating: C+. This is a hard one to grade. The pacing is TERRIBLE with guys like Sparky Plugg and Mo staying in for over twenty minutes each, but the action is solid for the most part. The stuff with Diesel is excellent and it truly made him a star. The ending stuff once they got rid of about seven guys in 90 seconds was good too, but stuff in the middle didn’t work all that well.

Post match there’s a disagreement over who wins but both guys have their music played. This would lead to a somewhat complicated decision where there was a coin toss and two world title matches at Mania. This goes on for about eight minutes or so but it’s just the referees arguing and both guys saying they won. Replays don’t really show us anything either. They do a good job here of making it impossible to tell who won, unlike in 2005 when it was clear that one of them (I want to say Cena) hit first. They’re finally declared co-winners to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. This show is one where it’s very hard to come up with an overall grade. I really liked the opener and the tag match and Rumble were both good, but when a show has what might be the dumbest moment in wrestling history (and that covers A LOT of stupid moments), it’s brought down a lot. Early 1994 was not a good time for the WWF but once they finally picked Bret as the guy, things got a lot better.

Ratings Comparison

Tatanka vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Original: B

Redo: C+

Quebecers vs. Bret Hart/Owen Hart

Original: A+

Redo: B-

Razor Ramon vs. IRS

Original: C+

Redo: D+

Yokozuna vs. Undertaker

Original: F

Redo: F

Royal Rumble

Original: B

Redo: C+

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: C-

DANG I liked this show a lot better on the first viewing.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/13/royal-rumble-count-up-1994/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews

Ring Of Honor
Date: January 2, 2025
Location: Hammerstein Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: Ian Riccaboni, Caprice Coleman

We’re starting a new year and that could make things more interesting around here. I mean it probably won’t as tends to be the case with this series, but we do at least have some title matches coming up at Wrestle Dynasty. I’m not sure what that is going to mean, but it’s better than the usual stuff around here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We preview the show.

Women’s TV Title: Red Velvet vs. Hanako

Hanako is challenging after defeating Harley Cameron on the Final Battle kickoff show. Velvet poses at her to start and they fight over arm control. Back up and Hanako shoves her into the ropes, where Velvet tells her to get away. More mocking earns Velvet a hard shoulder before a slam sends Velvet outside.

Back in and Velvet starts working on the leg, including wrapping it around the post. Hanako’s knee is fine enough to muscle her up with a suplex and hit some running corner clotheslines. Velvet is back with running knees against the ropes and the Stir It Up gets two. A flipping faceplant finishes Hanako at 8:36.

Rating: C. The match was fine, but Velvet’s incredibly sudden heel turn isn’t exactly doing anything for her. The problem is she doesn’t really have that much of a personality in the first place so it wasn’t some shocking moment when she turned. Without a reason to care about her in the first place, the turn doesn’t have any impact. Throw in Hanako having wrestled for less than ten minutes in ROH coming into this match and there wasn’t much to get interested in here.

Shane Taylor Promotions wants it all. Cool. Now stop talking about it and do something already.

Action Andretti/Lio Rush vs. Homicide/Rocky Romero

Rush jumps Romero to start before it’s off to Andretti to draw Romero in. Homicide comes in legally to chase Rush to the floor, followed by a double shoulder to take him down back inside. The Forever Lariats are broken up and a double suplex drops Romero. A double flapjack sets up Rush’s front facelock but Andretti accidentally decks Rush. Romero kicks Andretti in the face and it’s back to Homicide to clean house. The cutter gives Homicide two and everything breaks down. Romero misses a dive to the floor, allowing Andretti to hit Homicide low for the pin at 8:08.

Rating: C+. This was more action packed to keep the pace up, though it definitely felt like a match that had been written out to the letter to set it up. Rush and Andretti are the new team around AEW/ROH and they are getting some wins together, which makes sense for their future. They could use a name of some kind, but getting a win is what matters most.

We look at Dustin Rhodes and Sammy Guevara retaining the Tag Team Titles at Final Battle.

After the match, Rhodes talked about how important this was and how they have grown together. They’re ready for a match at Wrestle Dynasty, as the House Of Torture have challenged them for the titles.

Harley Cameron vs. Ashley Vox

Vox takes her down to start but Cameron gets a drive into the corner. Cameron avoids a quick Cannonball attempt and grabs a suplex for two. The cross arm choke is broken up in a hurry so Vox can hammer away in the corner. The Cannonball connects as the camera rapidly cuts away from a row of empty seats. Cameron is back with some forearms into the Shining Wizard for the pin at 5:06.

Rating: C. The match wasn’t much to see and in Cameron’s case, it makes sense that she isn’t running through people. She isn’t presented as some kind of dominant force but rather someone who is so out there that she believes she’s amazing. It makes her close to the female Danhausen and it’s nice to see that kind of talent featured here.

Red Velvet is asked why she cheated at Final Battle. She’s tired of being asked that but Leyla Hirsch comes in to demand a rematch. Velvet says sure but on her time.

Shane Taylor Promotions/The Infantry vs. Iron Savages/Dark Order

Trish Adora, Jon Silver and Jacked Jameson are here too. Reynolds and Moriarty grapple to the mat to start with Moriarty getting two off a crucifix. Bravo comes in to hit Boulder in the face so Bronson comes in for his hairy chest spot to make Bravo scream. Adora gets in a cheap shot from the floor and it’s Taylor coming in to take Bronson into the corner. A belly to back suplex/backbreaker combination drops Bronson but he piledrives Bronson onto Dean.

Uno comes in to clean house and everything breaks down, with Boulder hitting a double Downward Spiral. Boulder powerslams Taylor but Bronson gets posted. Moriarty gets Reynolds in the Border City Stretch on the floor and Uno is caught with a double stomp inside. Moriarty comes back in to Border City Stretch Uno for the win at 9:10.

Rating: D+. There is so much wrong with this match, I don’t know where to start. First and foremost, the problem here is the Iron Savages, who have been the most obnoxious villains in the company for months, are suddenly good. There was no promo, no action and no explanation, but now we’re supposed to cheer them. That’s poor storytelling no matter how you look at it. On top of that, forgive me for believing that THIS will be the time that Shane Taylor Promotions finally starts moving up the card. I’ve heard it for so long that I have no reason to believe it. The action was fine, but this match was annoying on multiple levels.

We look at Athena firing Lexi Nair last week.

From Death Before Dishonor 2023 (and from a previous review).

Ring Of Honor Women’s Title: Athena vs. Willow Nightingale

Athena is defending in the rubber match and immediately bails to the floor. Back in and Willow powers her around before they forearm it out. Athena gets two off a crucifix but Willow’s fisherman’s buster gets the same. A crucifix gives Athena two and she sends Willow outside in a crash. Back in and the double knees connect in the corner, setting up the chinlock.

Willow powers her way up and hammers away, only to get dropped with a quick shot to the face for two. Willow is fine enough to try the Babe With The Powerbomb but Athena reverses into a snapmare driver for two. Willow’s swinging neckbreaker gets two but Athena is right back with Obliteration. She muscles Willow up and into a sitout powerbomb for two (that was impressive) before going up.

That takes too long as well though and Willow grabs a super Death Valley Driver for a rather near fall. They head outside and Athena posts her, setting up the O Face for a VERY near fall back inside. The Babe With The Powerbomb gets the same but Athena is back up with another O Face. The crossface goes on and Athena even grabs a leg. Willow passes out to retain Athena’s title at 20:28.

Rating: B-. Well. Ok then. I’m not sure what this weird obsession Ring Of Honor has lately with the heroes losing in the end but they did it again here. It also makes me wonder why the Owen Hart tournament wasn’t just for the title shot with someone else in Athena’s place, thereby giving us the same result and no Athena loss. They had a hard hitting fight, but that was one more deflating ending on a long list of them in Ring Of Honor’s recent history. Someone is going to have to beat Athena, and it’s going to have to be an AEW import at this point. Anyway, solid main event with a rather surprising result.

QT Marshall vs. Komander

Non-title Proving Ground match, meaning Marshall gets a title shot if he wins or survives the ten minute time limit. Marshall immediately bails to the floor to burn off a minute to start. Komander isn’t having this and hammers away but gets sent into the corner for a chop. A kick to the ribs staggers Komander and a knee drop gets one. Marshall grabs a neck crank before switching to a basic choke, followed by a chinlock to complete the trifecta.

Komander fights up and his the very springboardy hurricanrana to the floor. Back in and Marshall gets two off a suplex powerbomb and they go up top. Marshall’s super cutter is countered into a super hurricanrana. Marshall is sent outside again for a big springboard moonsault and a springboard Canadian Destroyer sets up Cielito Lindo…but Marshall rolls outside for the time limit at 10:00.

Rating: C+. If there was one match that summed up why this show can be so annoying, it might be this one right here. First and foremost, Marshall hasn’t won a match in AEW or ROH in over a year. Why is he getting this chance? Why not former champion Brian Cage or Survival Of The Fittest runner up Blake Christian? No, instead it’s someone who is known for losing low level matches on Zero Hour getting this shot, again with absolutely no explanation as to why.

Second, Komander, who just got the biggest win of his career and followed it up with an upset in the Continental Classic suddenly can’t be comedy jobber QT Marshall. This is what I mean when I saw this show feels like it just comes and goes with no logic or reasoning behind almost anything that happens, and my goodness it is so frustrating at times.

Overall Rating: C. This show was all kinds of frustrating, if nothing else due to just how all of the place it felt. Case in point, you have three title matches coming up and they were earned by someone winning their only match in ROH, someone just asking for a shot, and someone losing every match they have before going to a draw. Meanwhile, how many people are THIS CLOSE to a title shot and have been for months now?

I’m not expecting this show to be the greatest, tightest booked show of all tie but having it include some sort of continuity or sense. Throw in the unforgivable sin of trying to make me like the Iron Savages and this was a really hard show to watch. As usual, the action was fine, but the show feels like it’s thrown together with an excuse of “oh who cares” when it comes to structure or internal logic.

Results
Red Velvet b. Hanako – Flipping faceplant
Action Andretti/Lio Rush b. Homicide/Rocky Romero – Low blow to Homicide
Harley Cameron b. Ashley Vox – Shining Wizard
Shane Taylor Promotions/The Infantry b. Iron Savages/Dark Order – Border City Stretch to Uno
QT Marshall vs. Komander went to a time limit draw

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

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Collision
Date: January 4, 2025
Location: Bojangles Coliseum, Charlotte, North Carolina
Commentators: Matt Menard, Tony Schiavone, Nigel McGuinness

It’s a new year and that means…well very little right now actually as this is pretty much just another Collision. We do at least have a title match with Daniel Garcia defending the TNT Title against Mark Briscoe as a result of the loss in the Continental Classic. Assuming Garcia survives there, we should be seeing him face Kyle Fletcher down the line. Let’s get to it.

Here is Dynamite if you need a recap.

Mark Briscoe, Daniel Garcia, the Learning Tree and Rated FTR are ready to fight.

Opening sequence.

TNT Title: Mark Briscoe vs. Daniel Garcia

Briscoe is challenging and they start slowly. Briscoe drives him into the corner to start as the fans are feeling a bit split. They trade slides out to the floor before going back inside to trade wrist cranking. Garcia ties up the legs and stomps them onto the mat but has to escape a Jay Driller attempt. Garcia’s dance just annoys Briscoe, who misses a charge out to the floor. Back in and Briscoe sends him flying off a suplex, only to get caught with some rolling neckbreakers for two. Briscoe is fine enough to knock him to the floor for a dropkick through the ropes as we take a break.

Back with a suplex sending both of them crashing over the top for a crash. They get back in where Briscoe hits a fisherman’s buster, followed by a sitout powerbomb for two. Briscoe slugs him into the corner but Garcia ducks a shot and rains down some right hands. A piledriver gives Garcia two and the Dragontamer goes on.

That’s broken up rather quickly as we have three minutes left in the time limit. Briscoe puts him down and hits the Froggy Bow for two. The Jay Driller connects but Garcia gets a foot on the rope. The Cutthroat Driver is loaded up but Garcia reverses into a rollup to retain at 18:15.

Rating: B. Briscoe’s pre-match promo was rather good and as usual he was showing that kind of fire that only he has. Garcia is starting to feel like someone who can hang at this level and giving him a clean win, even off a fluke rollup, is a good way to make that more realistic. Well done back and forth opener here and they both looked strong.

Respect is shown post match.

The Death Riders are unhappy with Jay White and Adam Copeland. Jon Moxley respects Copeland but Copeland shouldn’t go down this road.

We look at Jeff Jarrett saying he is coming for the World Title.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Aaron Solo

Solo jumps him to start but Jarrett is right back up with a pair of Strokes for the win at 1:30. That’s what it should have been.

We look at Ricochet going all violent on Dynamite.

Tag Team Titles: Private Party vs. Lio Rush/Action Andretti

Rush and Andretti are challenging. Kassidy ducks a shot from Rush to start and knocks Andretti off the apron as everything breaks down fast. Private Party clears the ring rather quickly but Quen gets suplexed onto the apron. We settle down to Andretti shouldering Kassidy in the corner and there’s a double suplex to drop him again.

We take a break and come back with Kassidy spinebustering his way out of the corner, allowing the diving tag off to Quen. Everything breaks down, with Quen being planted down on the floor. Kassidy is sat up top for Gin and Juice for two as Top Flight and Leila Grey appear in the front row to throw popcorn.

Quen is back in for a slugout and the quadruple clothesline leaves everyone down. The champs hit some dives and it’s a Twist Of Fate into a shooting star press for two on Rush with Andretti making the save. Back up and Andretti grabs a sunset flip with Rush holding on for more leverage, only for Dante Martin to break it up. Kassidy rolls Andretti up to retain at 13:44.

Rating: B-. Remember when the Tag Team Titles felt important? Private Party is far from a bad team, but they feel like they’re miles beneath the top of the division despite being champions for over two months. They need some bigger challengers, and while Top Flight might not be huge, they would be an upgrade over this.

We look at Darby Allin fighting against the Death Riders and it hasn’t been going well.

Cope doesn’t like Jon Moxley hiding the AEW World Title and saying no one wants to be champion. He wants to be champion and would wear the belt proudly. Chris Jericho comes in and Cope goes over their history together, with Jericho saying he doesn’t remember any of this. They’re in a six man tonight and with Cope gone, Jericho declares “Cope is a dope. Sick burn.” Cope talking about wanting to be champion is fine, but again, calling him Cope is just funny sounding.

Toni Storm vs. Deonna Purrazzo

Taya Valkyrie is here with Purrazzo and they fight over wrist control to start. They both bridge up but Storm is nice enough to shake hands upside down. Purrazzo is sent outside and Valkyrie offers a distraction, allowing Purrazzo to get in a baseball slide. We take a break and come back with Storm’s STF being broken. Taya’s distraction lets Purrazzo strike away but a DDT gives Storm two. Another distraction doesn’t work and Storm small packages Purrazzo for the pin at 9:21.

Rating: C. Storm’s rise continues, with commentary flat out asking if she has really lost her memory or if this is just an elaborate ruse. I’ll take that over what we have been getting around here, though as usual I’ll say that I like this Storm better than Timeless. The other one was great, but it has been around for a good while now. Let her have an actual run with this instead.

Hangman Page and Christopher Daniels get in a big argument over Daniels not helping Page. That has Page asking who Daniels has ever helped and what he’s done for wrestling. Daniels attacks him with a bunch of headbutts (drawing blood) and Page is beaten down.

The Acclaimed argued after their loss on Dynamite.

The Beast Mortos vs. Brian Cage vs. Komander vs. Dante Martin

Non-title but the winner gets $100,000. Everyone goes after Mortos to start before Cage is double teamed to the floor. Rather than fight each other, Martin and Komander hit stereo dives to take out the monsters on the floor. Back in and Komander snaps off a headscissors to send Mortos outside, setting up a heck of a dive.

Martin dives onto the other three but here are Lio Rush and Dante Martin to take both of them down. Cage comes back in to clean house and we take a break. Back with Mortos wrecking everyone before Cage has to cut Komander off again. Martin is taken out as well and Cage hits the apron superplex on Mortos (that was nice). Cage takes out Komander and gives Martin Weapon X for the pin at 9:39.

Rating: C+. I wouldn’t want to see this kind of a prize used on a regular basis, but I’ll take it over some vague notion of a title match possibly being in the cards for the winner. Cage thankfully didn’t pin Komander, who probably owes him a rematch for the title. For now though, nice enough use of about ten minutes.

The Rock N Roll Express is here with FTR but the Outrunners come in. The Express owes them gas money from Memphis in 1982 but only get an apology and handshakes instead. Ok points for a funny gag.

Rated FTR vs. The Learning Tree

Cope and Jericho start things off…and let’s go with Bill instead. Er, make that Keith, whose headlock doesn’t work as Cope dropkicks him instead. Cash comes in to work on the arm but it’s quickly back to Bill. The villains take over on Cash back inside and we take an early break.

Back with Cope coming in for the showdown with Jericho and they chop it out. Cope takes over but the Impaler is broken up, allowing Jericho to grab a rollup with feet on the ropes for two. Now the Impaler can connect but the spear is countered into a Codebreaker for two. Keith comes in to work on Cope in the corner, only for Cope to knock his way out of trouble. It’s back to Cash to hammer on Bill, with the PowerPlex into a top rope elbow giving Cope two.

Harwood brainbusters Jericho for two and grabs a Sharpshooter on Keith, only for Jericho to put Cash in the Walls. Schiavone: “What a Collision moment we’re seeing right here!” You uh, might want to get some more interesting standards there Tony. Bill is back in to clean house but Cope sends him outside for a dive. Back in and Harwood goes up, only for Keith to get in a belt shot to give Jericho two. The Shatter Machine into the spear finishes Jericho at 16:47.

Rating: B-. This was the longer former AEW six man tag and it worked well enough. What mattered here was Cope getting the pin, as he is seemingly now feuding with two champions at the same time. That might be a bit much or him but I’ll take it over what we’ve been seeing in the last few months.

Post match Cope grabs the mic and thanks the fans…but the Death Riders pop up on screen. They’ve bound and gagged the Rock N Roll Express and jump the Outrunners or trying to make a save. Rated FTR run to the back and get the Express loose, with the Express confirming that they weren’t hurt. So what was the point in tying them up then?

Overall Rating: C+. This was a two hour show that should have been one hour. You could easily cut out some of the stuff on here and have one heck of an hour long show, but instead it was all stretched out with more stuff being dded to fill in the run time. That really shouldn’t happen with a company as deep as AEW. Some of their stars are in Japan, but with the amount of people they have available, that shouldn’t be such an issue. Not a bad show, but dang it would have been better if it could have been cut in half.

Results
Daniel Garcia b. Mark Briscoe – Rollup
Jeff Jarrett b. Aaron Solo – Stroke
Private Party b. Lio Rush/Action Andretti – Rollup to Andretti
Toni Storm b. Deonna Purrazzo – Small package
Brian Cage b. Dante Martin, Komander and The Beast Mortos – Weapon X to Martin
Rated FTR b. The Learning Tree – Spear to Jericho

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Impact Wrestling
Date: January 2, 2025
Location: Center Stage, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Tom Hannifan, Matthew Rehwoldt

We’re back to a regular show after two weeks of the Best Of last year. That means it is time to move things forward towards Genesis where Joe Hendry gets another title shot against Nic Nemeth. We’re going to need something other than that though and there is a good chance that we’ll see something else added this week. Let’s get to it.

Here is Final Resolution if you need a recap.

In Memory Of Jax Dane.

We open with a Final Resolution recap.

Opening sequence.

Here is Joe Hendry to get things going. Hendry says that his new year’s resolution is to win the World Title and leave them all chanting WE BELIEVE. Cue Ryan Nemeth to interrupt, saying his big brother isn’t going to like this. The reality is that Hendry is a midcarder and no one here should trust what he says. Hendry likes Ryan’s courage and says there is a thing called the Ryan Nemeth Comedy Special, which cured his insomnia. Ryan is ready to beat Rhino tonight, so Hendry says let’s just do it now.

Rhino vs. Ryan Nemeth

Nemeth goes after the arm to start and gets absolutely nowhere. Back up and Nemeth knocks him to the floor to take over, setting up a quickly broken chinlock back inside. Rhino fights up and elbows him in the face a few times so Nemeth grabs a chair, which Rhino uses on him for the DQ at 5:25.

Rating: C-. Not much to this one, which granted is kind of the point with Nemeth. He’s not supposed to be anything more than Nic’s less talented brother and that’s about what he’s doing in the ring most of the time. Thankfully they didn’t waste time here or try to make this into some big match, which is the right call for them.

Jordynne Grace isn’t happy that Tessa Blanchard is back and she’s ready to prove herself in the main event.

The Rascalz want the Tag Team Titles. The Hardys come in and the match is made for Genesis.

Kushida vs. Ace Austin

They go with the grappling to start and Austin bails into the corner off a clean break. Kushida takes him down into a headscissors but they’re back up for a dropkick to send Kushida outside. Austin follows him to the floor to slug it out but gets caught in the cross armbreaker on the apron.

We take a break and come back with Austin’s arm still in trouble, with a middle rope knee to the arm making it worse. Austin comes back with a running shot to the face though and they’re both down. A gutwrench powerbomb gives Austin two but Kushida hits a running clothesline for two. Austin catches him on top but Kushida manages a kick to the head. The cross armbreaker is broken up so Kushida dropkicks him out of the air. Austin catches him with a kick to the head though and the Fold is good for the pin at 15:11.

Rating: B. My first thought was “this should be good” and that’s what it was. TNA regularly has a good wrestling match of the week and that is what they presented here. It wasn’t some kind of instant classic, but it had good action and two talented wrestlers who can do some nice stuff with some time. That’s a great thing to see on any show and that was the case again here.

Post match Austin thanks the fans for supporting Chris Bey, who wants Austin to go on his big singles run. Austin wants the World Title but here is Moose to interrupt. Moose isn’t happy that Austin doesn’t want the real top guy around here ad brings up Bey’s name. Austin isn’t having that and challenges Moose for the title right now. Cue Santino Marella to make the match at Genesis instead.

Eric Young, Steve Maclin and Jonathan Gresham aren’t sure what they’re doing next. Then they get in a fight with the System.

From January 26, 2017, we see part of a three way between the DCC, Decay and the Hardys, with the Hardys winning as I try to figure out who picked this of all things to air.

Ryan Nemeth is getting looked at when Nic Nemeth comes in. Ryan explains what happened when Joe Hendry and Rhino come in. Santino Marella pops up to make a tag match.

Here is Mike Santana for a chat. He’s disappointed by what happened at Final Resolution but he’s fought through adversity before. Santana holds up Josh Alexander’s headgear so here is the Northern Armory to interrupt. Alexander goes over Santana’s history around here but points out that he hasn’t won anything since coming back. On the other hand, Alexander is a former World Champion and the standard around here. Santana mocks Alexander’s bare bald head and Alexander is ready to fight. The match seems to be made for next week.

Security is in place to deal with any potential Tessa Blanchard interference.

Frankie Kazarian isn’t happy with the lack of attention and offers Leon Slater the chance to be his trophy holder. Slater is good and leaves, with JDC coming in to not be pleased.

Here is Nic Nemeth on the stage to talk about how Joe Hendry is the #1 contender. Nemeth already beat Hendry at Bound For Glory and he loves getting to represent this locker room as World Champion. Genesis is going to be a special show because they are both going to bring everything they have. Ryan Nemeth comes out to say Hendry will stab Nic in the back the first chance he gets. Nic isn’t happy and leaves, with Ryan blaming the people. There is entirely too much Ryan Nemeth on this show.

Security has been attacked.

Heather By Elegance/Ash By Elegance/Tasha Steelz/Rosemary vs. Masha Slamovich/Jordynne Grace/Spitfire

Slamovich hammers away on Steelz to start fast and the villains are in early trouble. Grace comes in to run Rosemary over and everything breaks down with the villains getting quadruple suplexed. Spitfire hit stereo dives to the floor and we take a break. Back with Heather in trouble but handing it off to Steelz, who gets slammed down as well.

Spitfire’s delayed double suplex drops Ash for two but a cheap shot lets her choke Threat in the corner. Threat gets taken into another corner for some stomping and we take another break. Back again with Ash’s handspring elbow hitting Threat in the corner before Rosemary comes in for some choking. Threat finally manages a suplex and it’s Grace coming in to clean house.

Ash blocks the Juggernaut Driver so it’s a World’s Strongest Slam into a Vader Bomb for two with Steelz making the save. Steelz also pulls Ash over to the corner for the tag, showing she’s smarter than most villains. Everything breaks down and we hit the parade of knockdowns until Slamovich piledrives Steelz for the win at 22:22.

Rating: B-. This was longer than it needed to be as it felt like a bunch of waiting around to get to the Tessa Blanchard stuff after the match. It certainly wasn’t a bad match and it did feel big based on the talent involved and the amount of time they got. Blanchard is the focal point though, even if she wasn’t in the match, and that makes for a bit of a weird setup.

Post match Tessa Blanchard runs in to jump Jordynne Grace as everyone brawls. Rosemary mists Slamovich as Blanchard takes Grace backstage and literally throws her out of the building to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. Not a great show here, with only three matches (one was rather good) and a lot of Ryan Nemeth to set up Genesis. They did add some stuff to the pay er view and while this didn’t exactly make Final Resolution feel important, it was nice to see what felt like a big show get some attention. Good enough show here, though I’m scared of what they’re going to do with Blanchard.

Results
Ryan Nemeth b. Rhino via DQ when Rhino used a chair
Ace Austin b. Kushida – The Fold
Masha Slamovich/Jordynne Grace/Spitfire b. Tasha Steelz/Ash By Elegance/Heather By Elegance/Rosemary – Piledriver to Steelz

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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Royal Rumble 1993
Date: January 24, 1993
Location: ARCO Arena, Sacramento, California
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This is a pretty forgotten show for reasons that should be obvious. First of all, this is 1993, one of the worst years in company history from a creative standpoint. Bret is defending the title against Razor Ramon (his only world title shot ever) and we’ve got the Rumble for the title shot at Wrestlemania for the first time. I don’t know if that’s official here, but the winner did indeed get the shot at the biggest show of the year. Let’s get to it.

Historical note: this is 13 days after the debut of Monday Night Raw.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

For you ECW freaks, Bill Alfonzo is the referee. Scott and I think Blake start things off. This is the Steiners’ first major match and the fans seem to love them right off the bat. Scott immediately takes him to the mat with a top wristlock, causing Blake to freak out with a claim of tights being pulled. That sequence worked so well that they do it again. Heenan is very excited about the debut of Narcissist, which is Lex Luger as a guy obsessed with his muscles. In other words, Lex Luger debuts tonight.

After Blake stalls some more, here’s Beau to taunt the not legal Rick. There’s the tag to Rick who chases Beau around and hits Blake in the process. A powerslam puts Rick down and I don’t think Gorilla knows which Beverly is which. Since this is a Steiners match, it’s time for suplexes! Scott nearly kills Beau with a belly to belly and everything breaks down for a bit, allowing the Beverlies to take over on Scotty.

We get into a standard formula with Scott having his back worked on by both villains. Blake chokes with a tag rope in the corner for two. Heenan: “Gotta hook the tights.” Gorilla: “WHAT?” I love how shocked he sounds every time Heenan says something like that. Beau puts on a Boston Crab but Scott easily pushes out of it. Blake blocks a tag and let’s make sure that we’re LIVE still. What was WWF’s obsession with that?

Scott avoids an elbow drop but Blake breaks up the hot tag again. The crowd is silent when the Beverlies are on offense. Scott comes back with a butterfly powerbomb to put Blake down and Scott actually dives through the ropes and tags at the same time. Rick cleans house and there are Steiner Lines for both Beverlies. Scott pounds on Blake in the corner and counters a Doomsday Device with a victory roll for two. The Frankensteiner to Beau gets the pin.

Rating: D+. Pretty dull match here as the Steiners were clearly going to dominate the entire time. The Beverlies never got above lower midcard status and their biggest feud was against the Bushwhackers. What were you going to expect them to do against the freaking STEINER BROTHERS? Nothing here but a squash.

We recap the Rockers’ time together and their split. If my eyesight is correct, you can see Shane Douglas as a jobber. After the Barber Shop incident, Jannetty was out for months. He finally returned on Superstars, setting up the match tonight for Shawn’s Intercontinental Title. During his return, Jannetty accidentally hit Sheri with a mirror, which is important to know for the match.

Intercontinental Title: Marty Jannetty vs. Shawn Michaels

Sherri is at ringside with the question being who would she side with? Why would she side with Marty anyway? I never got that. Apparently it’s because Shawn never called her while she was in the hospital….which she was in because of Marty. So why would she ever go with Jannetty? Apparently Jannetty was drunk during this match. That might make things a bit funnier if nothing else.

Jannetty controls to start, sending Shawn to the floor twice with a knee lift and a clothesline. Marty punches Shawn down on the floor and poses in the ring. He tries a punch off the top but gets caught in the ribs on the way down. Shawn loads Marty up on his shoulder and in one of the only times I can ever remember it working, rams Marty shoulder first into the post.

The champ rams the other shoulder into the post because he hit the right one the first time, and you just don’t do that. Back in and Shawn hits a shoulderbreaker before sending Marty to the floor again. Back in and the shoulder goes into the buckle, followed by a double ax right down onto it as well. We hit the armbar but Marty fights out quickly. He tries a comeback but walks into a DDT on the arm for two.

Quick sidebar: why is that move called a single arm DDT? It’s a hold used on the arm, but the double arm DDT is used to hurt the head. Also a regular DDT uses just one arm, so why is this called a single arm DDT instead of the regular one? These are the kinds of things I think about when I’m bored by a match.

Anyway, Shawn does the always stupid looking jump into the boot spot. I mean he jumped RIGHT AT Marty’s feet. What could he possibly have been trying there? Marty avoids a charge in the corner, sending Shawn’s shoulder into the post instead. Marty speeds things up and pounds away, only to have Shawn slingshot him out to the floor. Shawn goes to pick him up but Marty suplexes him out to the floor.

Sherri finally does something by slapping Shawn, who gets belly to back suplexed into the ring. Shawn gets launched to the floor again as the pace picks up a bit. A powerslam puts the champ down but Shawn avoids the top rope punch. Marty stops himself before crashing and gets two off a DDT. Shawn misses a superkick and gets caught by one of his own for two. The crowd is getting into this.

Marty slingshots Shawn so he gets to do his big bump onto the post. There goes the referee via an elbow to the face and Sherri comes in. She swings her shoe but hits Marty by mistake of course. Shawn yells at her a lot and then superkicks Marty in the chest for the pin to retain.

Rating: C+. This started slow, picked up a good bit during Marty’s comeback, and then had a horribly uninteresting ending. Seriously, that’s it? These two would have a rematch soon after on Raw which won Match of the Year in a contest for least bad match of the year for all intents and purposes.

In the back, Gene yells at Sherri to calm down. Marty comes to the back for some more brawling.

Heenan and Gorilla argue a bit.

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Bigelow jumps Boss Man in the corner to start and Boss is in trouble early. He gets whipped into the corner and a Bigelow forearm knocks him to the outside. This is one of those “do one move then stand around for awhile” matches. Boss Man comes back with some clotheslines and some punches to the “face” in the corner. Another right hand and a bulldog puts Bigelow down but Boss Man’s charge is countered by a backdrop to the floor.

Off to a body vice by Bigelow which is a rather dull move as usual. A hot shot puts Boss Man down for two and some shots to his back keeps him down. We hit the body vice again but Boss Man comes back with a suplex. It hurts him more than Bigelow though, as Bam is up first. Boss Man starts his real comeback with a punch to the face and a running crotch attack to Bigelow’s back. Bigelow gets a boot up in the corner and clotheslines Boss Man down. The flying headbutt gets the pin.

Rating: D. This was pure filler and not even entertaining filler. Bigelow was on the rise at this point while Boss Man would be gone in less than two months. On top of that, the match was really dull with Bigelow laying around and working on Boss Man’s back most of the time, which doesn’t make for an interesting match at all.

We get a clip from WWF Mania (Saturday morning show) of Razor beating up Owen to hype the world title match.

Razor says he’s got gold around his fingers and neck and now he wants it around his waist.

Bret says he’s ready.

WWF World Title: Razor Ramon vs. Bret Hart

Feeling out process to start with Razor getting the early advantage with some right hands. A knee in the corner misses and Bret has on the Figure Four in less than 90 seconds. Razor gets the rope so Bret drops elbows on the knee instead. The leg gets wrapped around the post before Bret goes after the other leg in the corner for some reason. Ramon comes back with a whip to send Bret ribs first into the post.

Now we get to the best part of any Bret Hart match: him getting the tar beaten out of him. Some backbreakers on the floor keep Bret down and we head inside again. Razor pounds on the ribs some more and hits the fallaway slam for two. Helen Hart (Bret’s mom) is in the front row. There’s the chest first into the buckle bump from Bret for two more and it’s off to the abdominal stretch, another Razor trademark.

As always, Bret reverses Hall’s hold into one of his own before getting hiptossed over. Bret is sent to the floor on a kickout and gets two on a sunset flip. We hit the reverse chinlock by Razor, followed quickly by a bearhug. Bret bites his way out of it and sends Razor to the outside in a quick move. The champion follows it up with a suicide dive and the comeback is on.

Bret pounds away in the corner over and over as we hit the brawl. For a guy known as a technical master, Bret brawled an awful lot. Not that he’s bad at it or anything but it happens really often. There are the Five Moves of Doom but Razor gets to the rope before the Sharpshooter is on. The second attempt doesn’t work either as Razor pulls the referee into a pile with the two of them.

Ramon goes right back to the ribs and Bret’s momentum is stopped dead. A belly to back superplex is blocked by Bret into a belly to back suplex for two for the champ. Razor clotheslines Bret down but Bret escapes the Razor’s Edge into a backslide for two. In a pretty awesome ending, Bret counters a test of strength into a sunset flip in a sweet flip counter, followed by grapevining the legs together on the mat and turning Razor over into the Sharpshooter for the submission.

Rating: B. Good match here and again, why did Razor never get more title matches? I know he wasn’t the kind of guy to make the world champion, but are you telling me that when the company was falling apart at times they couldn’t throw him in there as a token challenger? I would have bought him as legit threat to any champion, but it never happened. I’ve never gotten that. Anyway, solid match here as you would expect from these two.

Heenan unveils Narcissist, which is Lex Luger in front of a bunch of mirrors. Lots of posing commences and Heenan sounds like he’s in love. Well at least extreme lust. Luger says he’ll be dominant. Not much here. A curtain is lowered over Luger and Heenan actually gets on his knees, begging to see more. I’ve heard of overtones but this is ridiculous.

Here are Caesar and Cleopatra to hype up Wrestlemania. They read a proclamation about it and this is really stupid.

Royal Rumble

Ric Flair is #1 and Bob Backlund, going through a career resurgence at the time, is #2. Backlund drops Flair with a shoulder and does his little dance. Flair pounds him into the corner but Bob backdrops him down. Papa Shango is #3 and is dumped out by Flair in less than thirty seconds. Backlund it sent to the apron and Flair stomps away. They chop it out until Ted DiBiase, I believe half of the tag champions here, is #4.

Heenan makes fun of Backlund as the double teaming ensues, prompting Gorilla to threaten to knock Bobby out. Backlund is beaten on even more until Brian Knobs is #5. The Nasties are good guys at this point and happen to be feuding with Money Inc. Guess who he starts swinging at. Knobs almost dumps Flair but only gets him to the apron. Things slow down for a bit until Virgil is #6. The faces team up to fight the heels as not a lot is going on at this point.

DiBiase tosses out Knobs and we’re down to four in the ring again. Here’s the pretty new Jerry Lawler at #7 in a HUGE cape. I think he’s a heel here but Flair grabs him for some chops almost immediately. Flair goes to the floor through the middle ropes so Virgil goes after Lawler. Flair gets back in and Jerry immediately goes after him. Oh never mind as Heenan is praising Lawler. He’s a heel alright.

Max Moon (presumably played by Konnan) is #8. He hits a few moves and is dumped by Lawler before anyone else shows up. Lawler’s attire is really intricate here with lots of writing on it instead of the usual two color design. I kind of like it for a change. Japanese legend Genichiro Tenryu is #9 and he starts a chop-off with Flair as you would expect them to do.

Things slow down a bit until Mr. Perfect is #9 at a full sprint. Heenan: “OH NO! OH DEAR GOD NO!!!” Perfect immediately goes after Flair so Ric goes to the top. There’s the slam off the top and the Hennig Neck Snap as Heenan is having a heart attack. We hear about the loser leaves the WWF match tomorrow on Raw between the two of them, which is a very rare match for some reason.

Skinner is #11 and he does nothing before Perfect shoves Flair out to a HUGE pop. Lawler (looking very different here for some reason that I can’t place) pounds away on Hennig as we’re back down to six people in there. That’s usually the right amount so thankfully they’ve gotten through the first third without things getting too hectic. Koko B. Ware and those big green pants of his are #12. Heenan: “Koko B. Ware could go to Wrestlemania to face Bret Hart. Gorilla: “What’s wrong with that?” Heenan: “IT SHOULD BE RIC FLAIR!!!”

Perfect dropkicks Skinner out and not a lot is going on again. Here’s Samu at #13, giving us a group of Backlund, DiBiase, Tenryu, Virgil, Perfect, DiBiase, Lawler and Ware. Lawler and Perfect keep going at it in a feud that could have been AMAZING in Memphis. Berzerker is #14 as we need to get rid of some people in there. Lawler misses a charging punch on Perfect and there he goes. With Perfect distracted, DiBiase and Ware team up (you’ll NEVER hear that again) to kick him out with an assist from Lawler. Virgil was thrown out during that melee, getting us down to just six again.

The Undertaker is #15 to a BIG pop. Gorilla calls him the odds on favorite. I’m not sure I’d go that far but whatever. Berzerker goes to the floor and beats up Backlund (not eliminated) with a chair. Taker puts Samu out and no sells a lot of Tenryu’s stuff before dumping him as well. We’ve got Backlund (mostly dead on the floor), Taker, Berzerker, DiBiase and Ware in at the moment. Terry Taylor (he still had a job at this point?) is in at #16 and he’s gone in less than thirty seconds thanks to DiBiase, as is Ware.

There’s a chokeslam to DiBiase and Taker dumps him, leaving Berzerker against Taker. In one of the biggest “oh great it’s this guy” moments ever, Giant Gonzales debuts as Taker dumps Berzerker. Gonzales, a legit 7’7 tall, stares down at Taker as Damien Demento (don’t ask) is #17. Gonzales chops Taker out for an illegal elimination. In case you’re not familiar, Gonzales is a monster who makes Great Khali look like Lou Thesz. Speaking of Khali, he was literally the same character as Gonzales in a repeat of the same exact story the Undertaker was involved in in 1992. In short, both of them sucked and were really tall.

Gonzales destroys Taker for a bit as Demento still won’t get in. IRS is #18 as the Giant is still beating up Taker. It’s IRS, Backlund and Demento at the moment with Taker out cold in the corner. Tatanka is #19 as Paul Bearer uses the Urn to revive Taker. This of course is all the fans focus on, making the match in the ring look even less interesting than it already is, which is saying a lot when you think about it. Lots of choking ensues until Jerry Sags is #20.

There is NOTHING going on here and I don’t think Typhoon at #21 is going to help things at all. Fatu is #22 and my goodness I have never heard more silence for an entrance. NOTHING is going on here and Earthquake is #23. He immediately goes after….Typhoon, his partner. They have a fat man brawl for a bit until Quake dumps him out. Carlos Colon, aged 44 and called a youngster by Monsoon is #24.

Colon dumps Demento as the eliminations are keeping the crowd on life support. Quake can’t put Backlund out as Tito Santana is #25. Fatu misses a charge at Backlund and eliminates himself. We’ve got Quake, Backlund, Santana, IRS, Tatanka, Colon and Sags in there at the moment. Rick Martel is #26 who is STILL feuding with Santana. Why did they never have a big match to blow off that feud? It went on for like four years or so.

Earthquake dumps IRS and now we get to the first interesting part of the match in WAY too long: Backlund is sent to the apron and the crowd collectively gasps until he gets back in. Gorilla actually swears at how big the reaction is. Yokozuna is #27 and it’s time to clear some space. Yoko and Tatanka chop it out and there goes the guy with red hair (figure out which is which).

Colon is out and it’s time for the fat man showdown with Quake vs. Yoko. They collide a few times and no one moves so Quake pounds him into the corner. Owen Hart is #28. Quake splashes Yoko in the corner but the second attempt misses. Yoko suplexes Quake out and that more or less seals the winner. Repo Man is #29 and is immediately dropped by Yoko. Everybody gangs up on Yoko and it doesn’t work at all.

Randy Savage is #30, giving us a final group of Savage, Yokozuna, Repo Man, Owen, Martel, Santana, Sags and Backlund. They’re not even trying to hide the winner at this point. Yoko dumps Tito as Owen dropkicks Sags out. Owen skins the cat to save himself before being dumped by Yoko and possibly injuring his knee. Repo is out and we’re down to four. Backlund actually picks up Martel to sit him on top and punches him out. The place is WAY into Backlund here, so he goes after Yoko. A pair of dropkick put Yoko against the ropes but Backlund charges into the elimination, drawing a standing ovation.

So it’s Savage vs. Yoko and the beating of the small man begins. Yoko flattens him over and over again until Savage fires off a bunch of kicks out of the corner. The fans are trying to get behind Savage and there’s a top rope ax handle. One to the back gets Yoko down to one knee. Uh…why would you want to knock a guy this big DOWN in a battle royal?

Either way he superkicks Savage to knock him down again and there’s the belly to belly. The legdrop crushes Savage but the Banzai Drop misses. In one of the STUPIDEST endings ever to the Rumble, Savage hits the elbow and COVERS, getting launched over the top rope on the kickout to send Yoko to Las Vegas for the title shot.

Rating: D. This was one of the worst Rumbles of all time. The main problem here is the period after Taker, the only guy you could actually see eliminating Yoko, was eliminated. From then until the time Backlund got close to the longevity record (which he got), there’s NOTHING. It’s a bunch of lame midcarders standing around lifting each others’ legs in the air. Why would I want to see that at all? Anyway, nothing to see here and a BAD Rumble.

Overall Rating: D+. There’s a reason no one cares at all about 1993 WWF: it’s really not very good. The title matches here aren’t bad but other than that, this show is pretty freaking terrible. The Rumble sucks the life out of the show, as the highlights are a two minute segment between Flair and Perfect and the Backlund part at the end. When the whole match is 65 minutes long, that doesn’t hold up. Weak show here.

Ratings Comparison

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverly Brothers

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty

Original: C

Redo: C+

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Big Boss Man

Original: D+

Redo: D

Bret Hart vs. Razor Ramon

Original: B

Redo: B

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: D

Redo: D+

Not much change here.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/12/royal-rumble-count-up-1993/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews