Royal Rumble 2018
Date: January 28, 2018
Location: Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Tom Phillips, Booker T.

The big night is finally here and for the first time ever we have two Royal Rumbles in one night. This time around we have a women’s version to go with the standard men’s version and that opens up the doors for a lot more surprise entrants. Of course it also opens the door for a lot more boring action if the last few Rumbles are any indication. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Drew Gulak/TJP/Jack Gallagher vs. Kalisto/Gran Metalik/Lince Dorado

Drew takes Kalisto down by the arm to start as the announcers talk about the upcoming 205 Live General Manager. That just earns a few chants from the crowd, which Gulak of course can’t stand. It’s off to Gallagher vs. Metalik with Gran working on the knee until Lince and TJP come in to complete each trio’s ring time.

The announcers discuss dabbing until the villains are all sent outside. The three masked men hit stereo moonsaults from the same turnbuckle (very cool) to the floor as we take a break. Back with TJP kicking Lince in the ribs and handing it off to Gulak, who drops Dorado’s partners off the apron. Now the announcers speculate on the next General Manager, which is much more focused than you would expect from these guys.

Jack cranks on Dorado’s leg as about half of the HUGE group of empty seats opposite the hard camera is filled in. But hey, at least we have a meaningless match going on an hour and a half before the rest show starts. Gallagher goes to the middle rope, pauses to listen to Gulak telling him not to jump, and then misses a dive anyway. The hot tag brings in Metalik for the rope walk into the dropkick to put Gulak down. The rope walk elbow works just as well for two as everything breaks down. Stereo dives take Gallagher and Gulak down, leaving the Salida Del Sol to finish TJP at 13:13.

Rating: C. Take any match between some combination of these guys that you might have seen on 205 Live and add five minutes to get this match. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to entice me to watch a pay per view but I’m sure WWE is smarter than I am on that front. Nothing special here, outside of that triple moonsault that is. This would have been fine as the only dark match but with two more, it could have been cut.

Kickoff Show: Revival vs. Anderson and Gallows

Rematch from Monday where Anderson and Gallows won, followed by the Revival getting destroyed by DX and Scott Hall. The Brian Pillman style trunks don’t really suit Revival but anything is better than Monday. Dawson gets sent outside to start for a breather before it’s Gallows tossing both of them around. Back from a break with Dawson working on Anderson’s knee with a string of elbow drops.

Wilder comes in to crank the knee even more but Anderson keeps kicking him away. Therefore, in a good tag team idea, Revival double teams him to keep the advantage. Now why is that so hard to figure out? Of course the hot tag goes through a few seconds later but at least they were trying. Everything breaks down and Gallows scores with a splash for two. Everything breaks down and the Magic Killer is broken up. Dawson sidesteps a charge to post Gallows and Dash’s chop block is good for the pin on Anderson at 9:11.

Rating: C. Well, it was better than Monday. I’m glad Revival won and now of course we’re likely to have the rubber match tomorrow night because WWE loves their trilogies. The leg stuff was fine here but the break in the middle didn’t do it many favors. At least the right team won though and that helps a lot.

Kickoff Show: Bobby Roode vs. ???

Roode is defending in an Open Challenge answered by….Mojo Rawley. The fans think Mojo sucks as he sends Roode into the corner and actually hammers him down as we take a break. Back with Mojo driving knees in the corner and grabbing a chinlock. Roode fights up and hits a running forearm, followed by a neckbreaker for two. There’s the Blockbuster but the Glorious DDT is countered into a spinebuster. Back up and another Glorious DDT is countered into a backdrop but the running punch is blocked. Instead it’s a regular DDT to retain the title at 7:37.

Rating: D. This could have been on any house show and that’s not good as the Kickoff Show main event. Roode doesn’t have a ton of challengers and a lot of that is due to how so few people were treated as important for the sake of Jinder Mahal. They need some kind of a feud going here and Rawley isn’t the kind of person to do that.

The opening video doesn’t say much out of the ordinary but it does a very good job of setting up the big matches while treating the Rumble win as a big deal. It’s very nice that they gave the match some shine for once because they haven’t exactly treated it like it matters up to this point.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn

AJ is defending in a handicap match. The challengers do have to tag and it’s Sami starting for the team. No contact and it’s off to Owens, who hangs on the ropes instead of going after the champ. Sami is already back in as there’s almost no contact in the first minute and a half. AJ wrestles Sami down but it’s already back to Owens, who takes AJ down, runs to the floor and tags Sami back in.

That means a drop down into a dropkick for Zayn as Byron and Graves have ANOTHER stupid argument that completely ignores the match. There’s a backdrop for two on AJ as the fans aren’t sure who to cheer for. Owens comes back in and unloads with right hands before sending AJ into the barricade. Almost all challengers so far. Owens gets in a double stomp and brings AJ into the corner for more right hands. An electric chair faceplant is good for two more and it’s off to the chinlock.

AJ fights up again and gets in a shot to Owens’ ankle, which was banged up on Smackdown in the first place. The Pele is enough to bring Sami back in but the Helluva Kick is blocked with a raised boot. Everything breaks down and Owens monkey flips Styles, who hurricanranas Zayn to the floor instead of crashing to the mat. The Calf Crusher has Owens ready to tap until Sami dives back in for the save.

Owens kicks AJ in the back of the head to knock him into the Blue Thunder Bomb, which of course only gets two (once in a lifetime you see). Another kick to the head puts Sami down this time and the springboard 450 is good for another near fall. They slug it out with AJ throwing Sami to the floor, only to eat a superkick from Owens. The Pop Up Powerbomb is countered into a rollup though and AJ retains (pinning the illegal man) at 16:08.

Rating: B. About what was expected here as there’s only so much you can do when the participants have been treated as background characters. I’m glad Bryan and Shane were left out but the match has been booked to make them the stars, meaning this is likely to continue. Some good action here, but it wasn’t the most thrilling match in the world.

Wrestlemania XXXIV ad.

Sami and Kevin ask Shane what he’s going to do. They can’t have another referee screw Owens out of another title. Shane says that yep, he did indeed see that. Nothing else is said.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos vs. Shelton Benjamin/Chad Gable

The Usos are defending and this is 2/3 falls after Gable pinned the wrong Uso a few weeks back. In other words, the same ending as the previous match, again showing the limited creative abilities of WWE. Gable can’t hit a German suplex on Jimmy to start so it’s some chops to the chest in the corner. A distraction lets Chad get in a chop block though and Jimmy is in trouble early on.

Benjamin drives knees into the bad knee as the challengers start cutting the ring off for an old NWA feel. Shelton stops to yell at the crowd though and it’s an enziguri to cut him off. The hot tag brings in Jey, who dives through the ropes to take out both challengers in a row. Back in and Gable gets two off a tiger suplex (I haven’t seen that one in years), followed by a powerbomb to send Jey into Jimmy.

Pay Dirt gives Shelton two and the bug eyed look on the kickout is funnier than it should be. It’s back to Gable who moonsaults onto both champions on the floor but Gable can’t pin the illegal Uso. That means a superkick into the Superfly Splash for two in a surprise near fall. The double Superfly Splash is broken up so Gable loads up Rolling Chaos Theory.

That’s broken up as well and four straight superkicks end Gable at 12:21. Gable and Benjamin beat the heck out of both champs to start the second fall. A rolling Liger Kick hits Jey and Chad goes up, leaving Shelton to get small packaged to retain the titles in two straight falls at 13:47.

Rating: B-. That was kind of a surprising ending but it’s not like it really matters. The Bludgeon Brothers (who have kind of disappeared in recent weeks) are pretty clearly the next challengers and it should be a fun match when we get to it. I’m not sure what happens to Benjamin and Gable at this point but they’ve proven to be a good team who deserve more time.

Rumble by the Numbers video.

Jerry Lawler joins commentary for the Rumble.

Men’s Royal Rumble

90 second intervals this year. Rusev is #1 (with Aiden English singing him to the ring) and Finn Balor (in red here) is in at #2 to a very strong reaction. Balor gets sent to the apron early on but gets back in without too much effort. Rhyno is in at #3 and gets in a showdown with Rusev that doesn’t go much of anywhere. Balor is back up and it’s Baron Corbin in at #4 to quickly eliminate Rhyno.

Finn is right behind Corbin though and gets rid of him as well, sending Corbin into a rage. That means Balor is pulled to the floor for a whip into the barricade (shoulder first) and End of Days on the floor to Rusev. Heath Slater is in at #5 and gets run over on the ramp. Everyone is down and it’s Elias in at #6, playing the guitar (and kicking Slater in the head) on the way to the ring.

It’s time for a song about spitting in the Rocky statue’s face but the countdown clock cuts him off. NXT Champion Andrade Cien Almas is in at #7 (running Slater over again as we have a running joke) and a running elbow puts Elias into the corner. The running knees rock Elias again but the hammerlock DDT is broken up. A hard clothesline drops Almas and it’s Bray Wyatt in at #8.

Naturally Slater gets laid out again and there’s a release Rock Bottom to Elias. Balor comes back in to break up Sister Abigail (again, thank goodness). Big E. is in at #9 and gives Slater some pancakes instead of beating him up. Bray is waiting on him with Cole saying Bray has been so dominating since entering. IT’S BEEN LIKE TWO MINUTES!

Rusev is back in but can’t get rid of Almas. Tye Dillinger is in at #10 (again), giving us Balor, Rusev, Slater (still not in the ring), Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E. and Dillinger. Actually hang on a second as we cut to the back to see Dillinger getting beaten down by Owens and Zayn. Sami is taking his place and continues the tradition by jumping Slater.

Sheamus is in at #11 and throws Slater in….who immediately eliminates Sheamus (on his BIRTHDAY). Bray dumps Slater almost immediately and it’s Xavier Woods in at #12. Woods and Big E. double team Sami and a wheelbarrow slam into a splash hits Elias. Rusev can’t get rid of Big E. and it’s Apollo Crews in at #13. Apollo gets in a good looking jumping enziguri on Bray as Byron is now anti-Zayn as he tries to show a personality.

Balor escapes Sister Abigail and it’s Shinsuke Nakamura in at #14. Sami is waiting on him in a Takeover: Dallas flashback as the fans sing Nakamura’s song. There are WAY too many people in there and some eliminations are needed. Nakamura fires off some kicks and it’s Good Vibrations for Elias. The running knee in the corner gets rid of Sami and Cesaro is in at #15, giving us Balor, Rusev, Elias, Almas, Wyatt, Big E., Woods, Crews, Nakamura and Cesaro.

Uppercuts abound without much happening and it’s Kofi Kingston in at #16 to put New Day at full strength. Cesaro cuts him off with an uppercut but Crews gorilla presses Cesaro….to the apron at least but he gets back in. Instead a shot to the back gets rid of Crews to thin the ring out a bit. Jinder Mahal is in at #17 and goes after Woods, who dropkicks him into the corner. Woods is dumped a few seconds later though and Mahal gets rid of Big E. as well.

Seth Rollins is in at #18 (now with flames on his tights) and gets rid of Cesaro in short order. Mahal sends Kofi over the top but he lands on Xavier….and then on a plate of pancakes. Big E. and Woods launch him from the floor over the ropes and over Mahal, who gets caught with Trouble in Paradise for the elimination. As the rest of New Day throws pancakes at Mahal, Almas hits the hammerlock DDT and eliminates Kofi in a pretty big upset.

Matt Hardy is in at #19 for a standoff with Bray, which is broken up by Rusev. Bray and Matt actually start working together and get rid of Rusev (the fans are NOT pleased) before fighting each other. They eliminate each other and it’s John Cena at #20, giving us Balor, Elias, Almas, Nakamura, Rollins and Cena.

Everyone jumps Cena at the same time in a smart move but then let him up, allowing him to AA Elias out. The Hurricane of all people is in at #22 (which Cole calls a superhero persona which was a huge hit with kids years ago) and tries a chokeslam but gets tossed out by Cena. Hurricane lands on the pancakes, nearly slips, and then does his pose over and over again on the way to the back. Aiden English is in at #22 and goes after Rollins before switching to Balor.

Adam Cole (with taped ribs) from NXT is in at #23 to a very nice reaction. Balor kicks English off the ropes for an elimination and it’s Randy Orton in at #24. An RKO drops Almas and there he goes after a strong performance. Things settle down a bit and it’s Titus O’Neil in at #25. Cole gets sent to the apron but slides back in, leaving Titus to chop Nakamura in the corner. Miz is in at #26 and starts fast with the YES Kicks, followed by a Skull Crushing Finale on Cena.

Lucky #27 is the returning Rey Mysterio to get rid of Cole in a hurry. The Miz takes 619 and it’s Roman Reigns in at #28. You can feel the pain from the booing. Reigns goes after Miz and hits the jumping clothesline, followed by the clotheslines in the corner. Titus gets eliminated but the Miztourage saves Miz from the same fate. Rollins Curb Stomps Miz but gets into a showdown with Reigns. A DoubleBomb gets rid of Miz but Reigns turns on Rollins to get rid of him as well.

Goldust is in at #29 and hurts himself headbutting Reigns. Cena gets beaten up as well and it’s Dolph Ziggler (POP) in at #30, giving us a final group of Balor, Nakamura, Cena, Orton, Mysterio, Reigns, Goldust and Ziggler. Goldust is out in a hurry and Balor kicks Ziggler out, making him one of the most inconsequential #30s in recent memory. Rey, Cena and Orton get together in one corner, Nakamura and Balor are in another and Reigns is on his own (how appropriate).

Balor takes a quick AA followed by the 619 to Reigns. There’s an RKO to Nakamura but Cena blocks another attempt. A Superman Punch lets Reigns get rid of Orton and a double 619 hits Reigns and Cena (with Cena loudly talking to Reigns while they wait). Balor throws Mysterio out to get us down to four meaning everyone goes to a corner.

We get the big staredown as the fans are behind Nakamura. Cena throws a You Can’t See Me at Balor and hammers on Nakamura while Reigns beats on Balor. That gives us the big showdown as the fans think they both suck. No one throws a punch as Balor and Nakamura get back up, giving us a much better received showdown. The running knees in the corner put Balor on the apron but he kicks a charging Nakamura in the head. Another kick to the head rocks Balor but he scores with a basement dropkick.

Reigns and Cena are back up again with Cena charging into a Samoa drop. The Superman Punch is countered with a ProtoBomb but the Shuffle is broken up with a Sling Blade. Balor hits the shotgun dropkick on Reigns but Nakamura kicks Balor in the face. Balor’s standing double stomp cuts off Kinshasa and Cena tosses Balor to get us down to three. Reigns slips out of an AA and hits the Superman Punch on Cena. The spear is cut off by the AA and Nakamura puts Cena on the apron.

A running kick to the face gets rid of Cena and we’re down to Nakamura vs. Reigns. That means COME ON and Reigns does so with a Superman Punch. Reigns sends him to the apron but gets kicked in the head but Nakamura grabs a hanging triangle over the apron. A powerbomb brings Nakamura back in and they’re both down again.

It’s Reigns up first but the spear is cut off with a kick to the face. A middle rope knee to the face drops Reigns but Kinshasa is hit with a spear to put them both down again. Nakamura grabs the ropes to hang on and another running knee drops Roman, setting up the elimination to give Nakamura the win at 65:32.

Rating: A. Best Rumble in years, though that’s not exactly saying much. The important thing here was they went with a popular name to win the Rumble, which has been lacking in recent years. Nakamura winning really surprised me as I never thought they would actually do it but I’ll take what I can get.

They laid the match out nicely here as things took a little time to get going but the final ten to fifteen minutes were excellent with the final six all being solid options. I wasn’t dreading this one at all and it made the match that much better. This was a lot of fun and the way the Rumble should go, with one of the best endings in a long time. Great match.

The Smackdown bosses are celebrating in the back when Stephanie McMahon and Kurt Angle come in to say Raw will win later. Daniel and Shane (buddies again) don’t seem to care.

Post match Nakamura is asked who he wants to face at Wrestlemania. Fans: “PLEASE SAY STYLES!” Nakamura: “AJ STYLES!”

There was a Royal Rumble to determine the next Colonel Sanders with Ric Flair winning. He has the wrinkles for it.

Raw Tag Team Titles: The Bar vs. Jason Jordan/Seth Rollins

Rollins and Jordan are defending with Seth and Sheamus starting things off. Seth gets driven into the corner with Cesaro offering a distraction to keep Jordan away from interfering. Jordan is ready for the hot tag but Cesaro pulls him down (I thought that was the heel turn) and posts him into near unconsciousness. Back in and Sheamus’ top rope clothesline gets two as the double beatdown is on, made especially worse by Seth’s long Rumble run.

Seth finally sends Sheamus into the post to get it back to even, followed by a Sling Blade and Blockbuster. Sheamus comes back in for the save but Rollins drops both of them for a double frog splash. As Seth gets up, Jordan is STILL sitting on the steps, leaving Sheamus to hit the Brogue Kick. The super White Noise gives us new champions at 13:03. Jordan was never in the match.

Rating: C-. This was an angle instead of a match and there’s nothing wrong with that. For some reason we seem to be waiting on Jordan vs. Rollins at Wrestlemania, even though that doesn’t quite blow my skirt up. The match was stuck in the cool down spot after the great Rumble and that was the right spot for it.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Basically you have three monsters fighting each other and breaking things to hurt each other, meaning it’s time to get violent.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Kane vs. Braun Strowman

Brock is defending and it’s one fall to a finish. Strowman wastes no time in cleaning house, including a hard knee to Brock’s head. That’s fine with Brock who starts throwing punches, only to have Kane score with a chokeslam. Brock grabs a chair but Braun punches it away and drops everyone.

Shots with the steps clean house and it’s time for a pair of tables. Strowman chokeslams Kane for two with Brock making the save and it’s time for Suplex City. Braun pops up like a daisy and powerslams Brock through a table with Kane making the save this time. Kane is tossed away again (it’s almost like he’s completely unnecessary in this match until the ending) and it’s time for the announcers’ table.

Braun takes too long though and it’s an F5 to drive him through instead. Brock turns the other table over Braun (Corey: “I’m about to throw this German guy in front of me!”) and F5’s Kane through another. Braun gets up again and sends Brock into the steps, followed by the powerslam. Kane makes the save and sends Braun outside, setting up an F5 onto the chair to retain Brock’s title at 10:12.

Rating: B-. Well duh. The world knows that Braun is ready to be World Champion and should have been like six months ago but Vince McMahon and seemingly Vince McMahon alone wants to see Reigns take the title from Brock. Again, as has been the case many, many times: none of this is important because we’re just sitting around waiting on Reigns to take the title like we’ve been waiting for for nearly a year now. After that, I have no idea where they go and I’m not sure WWE does either. This was fun, but exactly as expected.

Trailer for Andre the Giant’s HBO documentary.

We get a video on the women’s Royal Rumble with a focus on the Revolution (and Stephanie of course) with everyone talking about how important this is.

Maria Menunos is guest ring announcer and Stephanie McMahon is guest commentator, with Cole reading off her resume (and saying Stephanie will tell you about her trailblazing). Alexa Bliss and Charlotte come out to watch at ringside.

Women’s Royal Rumble

Sasha Banks (in Wonder Woman gear) is in at #1 and Becky Lynch is in at #2 to give us a good start. Becky blocks an early elimination attempt and we talk about how nervous Stephanie is. The Bank Statement is broken up and it’s a double clothesline as Sarah Logan is in at #3. Logan clotheslines Becky down but Sasha makes a questionable save. Becky gets stomped down in the corner and it’s Mandy Rose in at #4. Mandy can’t get rid of Sasha and it’s LITA in at #5.

Sasha and Becky aren’t sure what to do so they opt with kicking her in the stomach. Mandy jumps Lita from behind and gets placed on the apron, followed by a hard shot for the first elimination. Kairi Sane is in at #6 and chops Lita into the corner as Cole talks about her “yacht persona”. She’s not Ashley Remington (bet you didn’t think I knew that one) because SHE’S A FREAKING PIRATE! Sane kicks Sasha down and drops the Insane Elbow, followed by another to Becky as Tamina is in at #7.

Lita starts hitting the Twists of Fate and hits a double moonsault onto Sasha and Becky (more like her falling backwards instead of any kind of jump but give her a break). That means the YOU STILL GOT IT chant before she eliminates Tamina, only to get dumped by Becky. That’s all this needed to be from Lita and it worked to perfection. Dana Brooke is in at #8 and actually dumps Kairi before stomping on Sasha in the corner.

Torrie Wilson is in at #9 (oh give me a break) and it’s time to prove why she wasn’t a wrestler. Logan dropkicks her down but Torrie pops up and eliminates Dana. Sonya Deville is in at #10, giving us Banks, Lynch, Logan, Wilson and Deville. Sonya starts firing off knees and gets rid of Torrie (thank goodness). Liv Morgan is in at #11 so the Squad can start getting together. No one is tossed though and it’s Molly Holly in at #12.

Molly gets rid of Logan and hits the Molly Go Round on Sasha. Lana is in at #13 and is immediately taken down by Morgan and Deville. She actually gets fired up and slaps her way to freedom as Michelle McCool is in at #14. That means an UNDERTAKER chant as she gets rid of Logan, Morgan and Holly. Sasha and Becky are down on the floor (not eliminated) as Michelle gets rid of Lana as well. With Michelle alone, Becky and Sasha get back in and it’s Ruby Riott at #15, giving us Michelle, Becky, Sasha and Ruby.

Vickie Guerrero is in at #16 and shouts EXCUSE ME over and over but everyone stares her down. She tries to bail and is tossed with ease (I guessed that as a comedy spot and it’s as perfect as I thought it would be). Carmella is in at #17 but Vickie takes the Money in the Bank briefcase to knock her silly. Natalya is in at #18 and throws her gear on Carmella, who pulls Natalya off the apron. That’s enough for Carmella to get in for some superkicks and it’s Kelly Kelly in at #19. Kelly fends off an early elimination as Natalya gets rid of McCool.

Naomi is in at #20, giving us Banks, Lynch, Riott, Carmella, Natalya, Kelly and Naomi at the moment. Becky goes up for some reason and gets dumped by Riott. Jacqueline is in at #21 and goes after Kelly. Nia Jax is in at #22, meaning it’s time to clear the ring. Jacqueline is out first, followed by Kelly with ease. Natalya is sent outside (through the ropes), leaving Nia to press Riott onto the top turnbuckle and then out to the floor. Naomi goes after Nia’s legs but tries a hurricanrana.

Nia knocks her off the apron but the pile catches her, allowing Naomi to land on the barricade. NXT Women’s Champion (with a bad arm) is in at #23 with a springboard kick to Nia’s face. Nia sends her flying as Naomi is walking across the barricade to steal Maria’s chair on wheels. She then crawls across the floor using her hands and the wheels on the chair….only to have Nia catch her coming back in and toss her out. I smiled at the irony. Beth Phoenix is in at #24 and this could be a lot of fun.

Phoenix is a lot closer to Nia’s size than I expected and manages a fireman’s carry but can’t eliminate Nia. Natalya’s help doesn’t work very well as they knock Nia through the ropes. That means a hug and of course Natalya turns on her and gets rid of Beth. Carmella (never eliminated) comes back in to jump Natalya from behind….and it’s Asuka at #25. There’s the hip attack to Carmella and it’s time for the showdown with Ember Moon.

Ember actually hits a one armed Eclipse but Asuka goes after the bad arm and gets rid of her. Sasha (also never eliminated) gets back in and it’s Mickie James in at #26. That goes nowhere and it’s Nikki Bella getting lucky #27 (well duh). That means the JOHN CENA SUCKS song but Carmella takes Nikki into the corner for the Staten Island Shuffle (not the Moon Walk Stephanie). Nikki powers her up though and a neck snap across the top rope gets rid of Carmella.

Brie Bella is in at #28 to save her sister from a big beatdown. The Bellas get their big moment (their latest one for those of you who have lost track) and knock Nia off the apron. A double suplex puts Natalya down and it’s Bayley in at #29. Asuka kicks Bayley in the head in short order but can’t get rid of her. It’s Trish Stratus in at #30 (not exactly shocking and that’s not a bad thing) to give us a final group of Sasha, Natalya, Nia, Asuka, Mickie, Nikki, Brie, Bayley and Trish.

Stratus gets to clean house and hits a double Stratusfaction before getting into a showdown with Mickie. James misses a charge and gets tossed, meaning it’s time for everyone to go after Nia. She shrugs them all off but the Bellas choke her on the ropes, allowing everyone else to join in and get rid of Nia. Sasha of course turns on Bayley for the elimination and we’re down to six.

Natalya puts Trish in the Sharpshooter for some reason and is broken up just as quickly. The Chick Kick eliminates Natalya but Trish mocks Sasha’s Boss pose, meaning the Stratusfaction is broken up to get rid of Stratus. Sasha turns around to meet Asuka but they decide to get rid of the Bellas….for all of three seconds until Sasha decks Asuka from behind. Sasha calls the Bellas off so she can beat on Asuka in the corner but the Twins dump her out as she tries the double knees.

So we’re down to the Bellas and Asuka and it’s time for the YES Kicks to both Twins (there’s a joke there that I’m not touching). Brie gets sent to the apron but Nikki decks Asuka, followed by the Rack Attack 2.0. Nikki decks Brie to get rid of her though and it’s down to two. Asuka is on the apron and hits a missile dropkick but Nikki’s spinning middle rope kick catches her in the face. Nikki puts her on the apron for the big forearm….which doesn’t end it. Instead Asuka grabs a headscissors to put Nikki on the apron but Asuka kicks kicks her in the leg for the elimination to win at 58:47.

Rating: B. I know a lot of people are going to be annoyed about the amount of legends (and the amount of botches) in there but my goodness what else were you expecting? The women’s division is about twenty people deep and I’d rather have people like McCool, Lita and Trish in there to give us either a good performance or appearances from people who are legitimate trailblazers (not McCool obviously but she did quite well). I was surprised by the lack of NXT names but what we got was fine, save for the Iconic Duo still not appearing.

The match itself was fine, albeit a bit predictable. You knew Asuka was the heavy favorite and really, it’s not like there were many other solid options. Aside from Jax, who really else was there? Banks or Lynch? Well maybe, but Asuka getting the title needs to be a big deal and one of those two can take the other title. Either way…..uh, back in a minute.

Oh and Stephanie’s commentary was annoying but acceptable. She didn’t need to be there and added nothing at all but she could have been worse. Sounded very much like a fan who wasn’t the most polished but it was fine.

Overall Rating: A-. I loved the heck out of this show as they made the Rumbles FUN. That’s been sorely, sorely lacking in recent years and they made up for it tonight. The Rumbles are interesting by definition but above all else, these matches were a good time as I kept waiting to see who was coming out next. I was actually worried about Reigns and Nikki winning so well done on some false drama. This did everything it needed to do, including setting up a major Wrestlemania match. I had a great time with this show and that’s what the Rumble is supposed to be. Well done all around and a great show.

Results

AJ Styles b. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens – Rollup to Owens

Usos b. Chad Gable/Jason Jordan – Small package to Benjamin

Shinsuke Nakamura won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

The Bar b. Seth Rollins/Jason Jordan – Super White Noise to Rollins

Brock Lesnar b. Kane and Braun Strowman – F5 to Kane

Asuka won the Royal Rumble last eliminating Nikki Bella

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

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NXT UK
Date: January 28, 2021
Location: BT Studios, London, England
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Andy Shepherd

Opening sequence.

Here’s Jordan Devlin for a chat. He talks about issuing an open challenge and wanting to be the best wrestler ever under 205lbs. Cue Trent Seven to say he thinks Devlin needs a challenger so he’ll get under 205 and come for the title. Devlin says come see him after losing a lot of weight so Seven drops him in a hurry. This was really quick.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Kay Lee Ray wants the best in the world….and WWE has officially signed Japanese legend Meiko Satomura. Yeah I’d think that works.

Ben Carter vs. Sam Gradwell

Hold on though as Gradwell has something to say. He talks about how impressive it is that Carter made it here but being from Jersey isn’t all that impressive. Jersey is a place with more cows than people and it doesn’t even make an atlas. Oh and he doesn’t like Carter’s P.E. shorts. Gradwell works on the arm to start but Carter flips out and hits a dropkick for a break. Some flips out of the corner set up another dropkick to put Gradwell on the apron but he’s right back in with a shot to the head.

Gradwell forearms him in the back of the head for three straight near falls and we hit the chinlock. Carter jawbreaks his way to freedom though and makes the comeback with some running forearms. A superkick puts Gradwell on the floor and there’s a quick dive to send Gradwell back inside. Gradwell heads to the other side of the floor and gets taken down by a running flip dive. Back in and Gradwell gets two off an STO but Carter is back up with a standing Lionsault into a Nightmare on Helm Street. The frog splash finishes Gradwell at 7:18.

Rating: C. I like Gradwell more every time I see him but this was all about getting Carter back up after he lost the title match in his debut. Carter is clearly someone they see a lot in and it makes sense to give him a win over someone as intense as Gradwell. It might not have been a classic, but at least they did everything right.

Noam Dar gives Sha Samuels some advice we can’t hear.

Sha Samuels vs. Josh Morrell

Samuels powers him into the corner to start and gives him a pat on the cheek, only to get armbarred down. Morrell flips out of a wristlock so Samuels hits him in the face. There’s a running forearm to drop Morrell again and there’s a backdrop to keep him in trouble. Morrell is able to avoid an elbow and a charge in the corner before dropkicking Samuels’ knee out. A standing corkscrew moonsault gets two on Samuels but he avoids a crossbody. Samuels grabs a spinebuster into a seated cobra clutch for the tap at 5:13.

Rating: C-. Samuels is an interesting case as he isn’t exactly the most thrilling guy but you can tell that he has been around for a long time and knows how to do his thing rather well. That’s all you need in some cases and if he becomes a bigger deal, great. Otherwise, you have a perfectly acceptable midcarder.

Ilja Dragunov isn’t sure what happened against Jack Starz. Sam Gradwell walks by and Dragunov doesn’t look happy.

Rampage Brown is happy with his time in NXT UK so far. Gallus comes up and a match with Joe Coffey is teased.

Pretty Deadly vs. Mark Andrews/Flash Morgan Webster vs. Ashton Smith/Oliver Carter vs. The Hunt

Elimination rules, no seconds at ringside, and the winners get a future Tag Team Title shot. Sam Stoker immediately tags in Smith so Andrews can grab a rollup for two. Webster comes in to get two off a sunset flip so it’s off to Carter, who gets taken down with a hurricanrana. Gallus is watching (with popcorn) as Carter suplexes Andrews for two. Lewis Hawley is tagged in but can’t tag out immediately, meaning Carter can clothesline him. The Hunt comes in for stereo German suplexes on Pretty Deadly and everything breaks down.

We settle down to Primate suplexing Smith for two and then slamming him hard. Wild Boar spears Carter off the apron to break up the tag possibilities but Smith gets over to Webster to pick up the pace. Webster and Andrews hit stereo dropkicks to put Pretty Deadly on the floor but Smith tags himself in. That means the Tower of Doom brings down Stoker and Smith for the huge crash.

Carter uses Smith’s back as a springboard to moonsault onto the pile at ringside but the camera moves so fast that it didn’t seem to end well. Back in and Smith hits a Falcon Arrow for two on Hawley, followed by Carter superkicking Primate out of the air. Everyone is down for a bit and Gallus is rather pleased. Primate comes in to go after Smith in the corner but gets caught in an electric chair with Carter adding a springboard cutter for the elimination at 11:59.

Hawley uses the distraction to jump Carter from behind but Smith gets the tag and starts cleaning house. It’s quickly back to Carter, who hits a pop up 450 for two on Stoker. A quick tag brings in Andrews for a sitout bulldog and it’s a poisonrana with a running knee at the same time (French Toast At 2am for the best named move I’ve heard in years.) to get rid of Smith and Carter at 15:14.

We settle down to Hawley elbowing Webster in the corner but a quick crawl through the legs allows Andrews to come in and strike away. A double Pele kick gets two and Stoker breaks up a cover off a hurricanrana to Hawley. Back up and Hawley kicks out Andrews’ knee so it’s a one legged giant swing into a half crab from Stoker. The Figure four goes on so Webster shoves Hawley into the hold for the break.

Stundog Millionaire connects with Stoker to give Webster two and Andrews hits a slingshot hurricanrana to take Hawley out on the floor. Webster’s top rope flip dive takes both of them out but the melee lets Eddie Dennis sneak in with a chair to Andrews’ knee. Back in and a Hart Attack (neckbreaker instead of a clothesline) finishes Andrews at 22:14 to give Pretty Deadly the title shot.

Rating: B+. This was all action throughout and it was a heck of a match as a result. Pretty Deadly were the fairly obvious winners but that didn’t make for a boring match. I really liked this with Smith and Carter getting a great rub out of the thing, with that electric chair cutter looking great. It was Pretty Deadly’s match, but at least everyone else looked good in the process.

Gallus comes out for the staredown to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. The main event carried this thing and that’s all the show needed. Carter did well in the opener and Samuels is someone who could do fine in the midcard. Throw in a long and action packed main event and you have a rather nice evening. Also, it’s another case of not having the big names around and still having a good show. That’s more than a lot of promotions can say.

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NXT
Date: January 27, 2021
Location: Capitol Wrestling Center, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Wade Barrett, Vic Joseph, Beth Phoenix

It’s still tournament time around here as the women’s Dusty Classic continues the first round but the men’s version heads on to the quarterfinals. I’m still not sure if this is the best idea in the world as these tournaments are dominating the show, but maybe the action is going to be enough to carry the show. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening recap.

Men’s Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Quarterfinals: MSK vs. Killian Dain/Drake Maverick

Maverick and Lee start things off and go to the mat in a hurry. Maverick’s headlock is driven against the ropes so Lee says bring it. Dain wants in but Maverick isn’t ready yet, instead taking Lee to the mat with a front facelock. That’s broken up as well as Maverick is taken into the corner for a running Bronco Buster from Carter. Maverick slips away and brings in Dain to clean house, including throwing Maverick at Nash for a knockdown (always effective).

The running big boot in the corner rocks Carter but a shot to the knee put Dain down for a second. Lee comes back in and is tossed outside with ease to send us to a break. Back with Dain hitting Lee in the face again and crushing him with a backsplash. That’s enough to give Maverick two but the chinlock is countered for the hot tag to Carter. A penalty kick rocks Maverick and a dropkick puts Dain on the floor. The push moonsault connects for two with Dain making a save. Dain is sent outside again though and it’s a Hart Attack with a Blockbuster instead of a clothesline to finish Maverick at 11:06.

Rating: C+. This was more like it for both teams, as Dain and Maverick are the kind of a team with just enough credibility to mean something and MSK feel primed for a serious run in the tournament. They made enough sense here too, with Dain being the wrecking ball that had to be dealt with and then Maverick being a much easier target. Good enough match and MSK continues to make me smile.

Danny Burch and Oney Lorcan are fired up for tonight. Pete Dunne looks like he’s ordering dinner.

Raquel Gonzalez/Dakota Kai and Jessi Kamea/Aliyah are ready to win the Dusty Classic.

Curt Stallion looks out the window and sees shooting stars. One day he followed it and knew what he was ready to do. Now he wants to have a rocket strapped to his back in the form of the Cruiserweight Title.

Women’s Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic First Round: Jessi Kamea/Aliyah vs. Dakota Kai/Raquel Gonzalez

Kamea and Aliyah have Robert Stone in their corner. Gonzalez and Aliyah start things off with Aliyah not being able to shove her around. Instead Gonzales swings her around in a lockup so it’s off to Kamea, who has to avoid an elbow. A dropkick sends Gonzalez into the corner for a running forearm but she sends Kamea into Kai’s elbow. Aliyah comes in for some double teaming and a running flipping hair faceplant puts Kai down.

Kai is sent outside but manages to pump kick Aliyah down hard and gets two back inside. Back in and Gonzalez hits a swinging powerslam on Aliyah, setting up Kai’s running kick to the face in the corner. Kai gets two off a double stomp but Aliyah manages a clothesline to bring in Kamea. That’s fine with Gonzalez, who plants her with the chokeslam for the pin at 5:58.

Rating: C-. This wasn’t quite as interesting as the ending wasn’t in doubt and the match felt a good bit longer than just under six minutes. That being said, the women’s tournament is only three rounds long so it is a good thing to see the winners look dominant. Not the worst match, but it needed more wacky Robert Stone shenanigans to really push it over the edge.

The Way is sure they’ll win the Women’s Dusty Classic but Johnny Gargano isn’t going to answer anything about Kushida. Austin Theory says it’s kind of like the curse but Gargano orders him to say no more words. Kushida does not get a title shot.

Scarlett uses Tarot cards to display that destruction is coming.

Tegan Nox has been training with Brie Larson. Video tomorrow.

Tyler Rust vs. Dante Rios

Malcolm Bivens is at ringside and he has an inset promo, promising that Rust will win. Rust takes him down with ease to start and then nails a hard right hand. A stomp onto the head keeps Rios down and it’s time to crank on the arm. Some chops rock Rust and a backside gives Rios two. What looks to be a tornado DDT winds up as a guillotine choke but Rust powers out. A big boot into a flipping neckbreaker sets up a modified Rings of Saturn (When did that become the most popular move in the world?) to make Rios tap at 3:23.

Rating: D+. Rust still looks good but they are playing into the idea that he might not be as polished as Bivens thinks he is. At least he won here, but it took a little longer than expected. It’s something different though, and that’s often a nice thing to see, especially when so many newcomers have the dominant run before their first story.

Bivens and Rust get a post match photo.

The Grizzled Young Veterans and Kushida/Leon Ruff are ready to win the Dusty Classic.

Finn Balor and Kyle O’Reilly are ready, don’t trust each other, and will see each other out there.

Men’s Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Quarterfinals: Leon Ruff/Kushida vs. Grizzled Young Veterans

Before the match, Zack Gibson promises to win because Ruff and Kushida have been a team for about five minutes. Kushida takes Gibson to the mat without much trouble but Drake comes in for a spinning kick to the face. It’s off to Ruff for a dropkick but Kushida is already back in for stereo basement dropkicks and two on Drake. We hit the quickly broken armbar and Ruff snaps off a top rope hurricanrana to put Drake down again. Drake forearms his way to freedom but Kushida saves Ruff from a double suplex. A middle rope cutter gets two on Gibson and we take a break.

Back with Ruff grabbing a sunset flip for two on Drake, who pops back up with a heck of a clothesline. Ruff is sent outside for a slingshot forearm/backbreaker combination to put him in even more trouble. A neckbreaker gets Ruff out of trouble back inside and the hot tag brings in Kushida to start cleaning house. The cartwheel into the basement dropkick rocks Drake again and there’s a running dropkick in the corner. Gibson comes back in and escapes an Octopus, setting up a Doomsday Device of all things for two on Kushida.

The double handspring elbow drops the Veterans though and the hot tag brings in Ruff for the second house cleaning. A suicide dive hits Drake and a top rope flip dive hits Gibson. Back in and a running clothesline puts Gibson down again but Ruff misses the Swanton. Drake gets caught not paying attention on the apron and it’s the Ticket to Mayhem to finish Ruff at 13:15.

Rating: B-. I could watch the Veterans at least three days a week and the two of them could be favorites in the tournament. Granted that could be the case for most of the remaining teams and that’s a good sign for the whole thing. This worked out about as expected and Kushida getting the North American Title shot at Takeover (as he is almost a lock to do) is a lot more important than this team.

Post match here’s the Way to beat down Kushida and Ruff. Johnny Gargano insists that Kushida will never get a shot but here’s Dexter Lumis to scare them off. Sweet goodness why can’t this guy just fall in a hole somewhere?

Curt Stallion has been attacked by Legado del Fantasma.

Post break, the Cruiserweight Title match is officially canceled for tonight. If this was supposed to be a surprise, maybe they shouldn’t have pulled the match from the show’s official preview.

Legado del Fantasma doesn’t know what’s going on but ANGRY William Regal comes in and says the title match is on for next week, with promises of consequences if anything else happens to Stallion. Regal leaves and the trio is freaked out by a playing card, though they insist there is nothing to worry about. I wonder if that’s an ace. Like, say, an Irish ace.

Here’s Toni Storm to say she wins whatever she wants. She wanted to be the first ever person to win the Women’s Dusty Cup but Io Shirai took that away from her. Now she wants to hurt and ruin Shirai, but more than anything else, she wants to be the NXT Women’s Champion.

Cue Io Shirai to say she’ll fight Toni anytime because she doesn’t like her. The fight is on with Storm being sent outside but here’s Mercedes Martinez to jump Shirai from behind. Martinez holds up the title but Storm says it’s hers. Shirai is back in to jump them both but Storm pulls her off the top. A pair of hip attacks in the corner leave Shirai laying and Storm rubs the title.

Isaiah Scott doesn’t like being accused of messing with Bronson Reed and suggests you could the fingers pointing at you when you point your finger at someone.

Imperium video, which heavily suggests the return of Walter. It’s about time.

The Undisputed Era aren’t worried about facing Tommaso Ciampa and Timothy Thatcher because they’re tougher, more experienced and better. Well that was to the point.

Bronson Reed vs. Isaiah Scott

Reed throws him outside to start but Scott sticks the landing, only to get sent face first into the apron. A crossbody on the floor crushes Scott and we take a break. Back with Scott working on an armbar and then raking Reed’s face a bit. Reed isn’t having that and runs him over again, setting up a backsplash for two.

Scott gets in another shot to the shoulder but Reed goes to the middle rope anyway. An enziguri connects though and Scott hits a 450 for two. Scott tells him not to get in his business and hits Reed in the face, which seems to be a rather bad move. Reed headbutts him and adds a hard clothesline, setting up the Tsunami for the pin at 9:21.

Rating: C+. This is the kind of thing that I can go for: taking two young (or at least new) stars and giving them a story. Reed is looking more and more like a breakout star every week and Scott….well at least he can still talk rather effectively. Pushing one of them is a good idea though and if Reed is their guy, so be it.

Scott really does not look pleased.

Tommaso Ciampa talks about how some fights change people and respect can grow. Timothy Thatcher joins him to say pretty much the same thing. Ciampa promises a war with Undisputed Era next week.

Kyle O’Reilly/Finn Balor vs. Oney Lorcan/Danny Burke

Non-title, which I didn’t know until this show started. Balor armdrags Lorcan into an armbar to start and it’s quickly off to O’Reilly vs. Burch. O’Reilly grabs an armbar of his own but Burch goes to the recently injured jaw to break up a tag attempt. Lorcan and Burch get to work on the arm for a change, followed by Burch’s headlock on the mat. That’s reversed into a wristlock, which is enough for O’Reilly to get back over to Balor.

O’Reilly is back in less than five seconds later as Balor and O’Reilly start the rapid fire tags and arm cranking. They stop to glare at each other though and we take a break. Back with Balor getting a tag to clean house in a hurry, including a bunch of stomping on Lorcan. A trip takes Balor down though and Lorcan gets in some stomping of his own.

The chinlock goes on to keep Balor down and a double atomic drop into a Russian legsweep gets two. Lorcan starts yelling at Balor, which rarely seems like a good idea, and is quickly followed by Balor nailing a Pele kick. The Sling Blade is enough for the hot tag to O’Reilly as house is cleaned in a hurry. Burch gets a boot up in the corner and tries a middle rope but dives into a kneebar to give O’Reilly and Balor the win at 11:56.

Rating: B-. They were telling a nice story here, though I’m hoping we get at least a token Tag Team Title match out of this. I’m not sure we will, but it would serve well as a TV main event. At least they had a good match in the non-title version, but I would hope that NXT isn’t he kind of place that just lets the champs lose.

Post match O’Reilly and Balor seem cool but Pete Dunne pops up. Burch and Lorcan send O’Reilly into the barricade and Dunne breaks Balor’s fingers as the Undisputed Era come to the ring for the save, albeit rather slowly. The big staredown ends the show, though Balor drops to the floor with the Era standing in the ring. We could use a fourth for the villains here as that’s a heck of an eight man tag.

Overall Rating: B-. The tournament matches are good but I’m rather relieved that they are wrapping things up sooner rather than later. There are too many tournament things going on at once here and it’s kind of dragging things down. It’s the majority of things going with the show and while the wrestling is good, I could go for something else. This was another good week, but I’m losing patience with all of the tournament stuff.

Results

MSK b. Killian Dain/Drake Maverick – Blockbuster/spinebuster combination to Maverick

Dakota Kai/Raquel Gonzalez b. Jessi Kamea/Aliyah – Chokeslam to Kamea

Tyler Rust b. Dante Rios – Rings of Saturn

Grizzled Young Veterans b. Leon Ruff/Kushida – Ticket to Mayhem to Ruff

Bronson Reed b. Isaiah Scott – Tsunami

Kyle O’Reilly/Finn Balor b. Oney Lorcan/Danny Burch – Kneebar to Burch

 

 

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Dynamite
Date: January 27, 2021
Location: Daily’s Place, Jacksonville, Florida
Commentators: Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross

We’re a week away from Beach Break and for the first time in a long time, we are coming off of a somewhat weak show last time around. That being said, Dynamite has an incredible track record so I have all the confidence in the world of them being able to set up something better this time around. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Eddie Kingston vs. Lance Archer

Jake Roberts is here with Archer…..who asks him to stay in the back. JR says this could be bowling shoe ugly as Kingston chops away, only to be powered into the corner. A bite works a bit better on Archer and Kingston chops away to limited avail. Archer shows him how to really chop so Kingston chops him even harder. A middle rope shoulder puts Archer on a knee….where he smiles at the down Kingston. Oh this is going to hurt.

Archer is back up with a chokeslam over the top rope and down on the apron (that was good for a heck of a cringe as Kingston landed on his hip). Archer follows him outside and sends Kingston face first into the camera (that’s a new one). Back in and Archer stares into the camera (he has a theme here) but has to block the spinning backfist.

Kingston dropkicks the knee out for two but Archer is right back with a short arm clothesline (ala Jake Roberts of course). The Blackout is escaped so Archer settles for a chokeslam instead. Archer walks the rope into the moonsault….and here are Butcher and the Blade, having attacked Roberts. The distraction lets Bunny slip Kingston some brass knuckles. The spinning backfist knocks Archer cold for the pin at 8:54.

Rating: C+. Like JR said, this wasn’t supposed to be a technical masterpiece. This was designed to be all about two brawlers beating the fire out of each other and that’s what they did here, with Kingston managing to get a big win for a change. I liked this one a good bit because it’s exactly what it should have been, with the short arm clothesline making me smile.

Post match Butcher and Blade take Archer out again before holding him up for the spinning backfist.

Here’s what’s coming tonight.

Jon Moxley is a little confused by Kenny Omega and the Good Brothers and the Young Bucks teaming up because there are a lot of Tag Team Champions. Then there are the Lucha Bros and the Death Triangle. That’s complicated for Moxley, because he likes his beer cold, his coffee hot and his sex in the morning. He loves a good six man tag though because this is fun and that’s what they’re doing next week.

Sting talks about how Team Taz has thrown out a bunch of false accusations about himself and Darby Allin (next to him). It’s true that Allin is a hoodlum, with Allin saying that when you’re on the streets, it’s all about survival. He sends his skateboard through a window and says he’s just like Sting. That makes Sting break a window with his baseball bat and say he is a hoodlum. They’re ready for the street fight at Revolution. They walk off, with Allin leaving his TNT Title.

Chris Jericho/MJF vs. Varsity Blonds

It says MJF in the chiron so that’s enough of an official change for me. After what seems like an extended Judas from the crowd, we’re ready to go…but MJF has a mic. MJF and Griff Garrison start things off, with MJF wanting to hear how great he is. Garrison hammers him down and pulls him back from the apron, with MJF panicking a bit. MJF is so mad that he grabs a chair but the rest of the Inner Circle holds him back.

It’s off to Jericho, who is taken down and caught with Brian Pillman’s Jr.’s running legdrop to give Garrison two. A cheap shot from the apron puts Garrison down though and we take a break, with Tony screaming at us that the match could end during the break (eh he’s no JR ripping on picture in picture for whatever reason). Back with Garrison getting the hot tag to clean house, including a double spear for two on MJF (Pillman looks near tears for some reason).

The tears are wiped away enough to hit a missile dropkick on Jericho, followed by a superkick for two. Jericho misses a charge and gets sent to the floor but comes right back in with the Judas Effect to Pillman. The Lionsault (with Jericho having the biggest grin, because he likes proving people wrong from last week) finishes at 8:02.

Rating: C+. Pillman and Garrison have gotten built up some momentum over the last few months so it’s fine enough to have them hang in there with Jericho and MJF. It’s good to see the Inner Circle get a win like this to start them on the right foot, and Jericho’s grin off the Lionsault is perfectly him. If nothing else, it’s nice to see that last week was just a slip (it happens to everyone) and he didn’t break his neck.

Pac isn’t impressed with Kenny Omega and his friends walking around like they own the place. Next week, Pac and Rey Fenix are going to show Omega what it means to be brutal. He sold the heck out of this.

Earlier tonight, Shaquille O’Neal called out Cody Rhodes for a match at some point in the future.

Tony Schiavone brings out Cody Rhodes and Arn Anderson for a chat. Cody loves the idea of himself and Brandi against Shaq and Jade Cargill….but Brandi is having a baby. Therefore he is going to defer to Arn, who has chewed him out for a variety of things. For now though, Arn gets to make the decision. Anderson says he is going to contradict himself here and says that Cody has the big head.

Arn brings up the date of June 29, 1985, which doesn’t have any meaning for Cody. On that date, Arn watched Dusty Rhodes face Tully Blanchard in Los Angeles for thirty minutes and then fly across the country to see Cody be born. If Cody chooses to jump onto the Revolution card on March 7, he needs to do it with no regrets. There has been a long time between June 29, 1985 and Revolution.

Shaq dominated his sport for nineteen years and Jade Cargill seems like she dominates any room she is in. In the last two weeks, Arn has seen something and has an idea. Cue Red Velvet, with Arn saying she has the same fire as Cody. Velvet talks about Cargill running her mouth and being full of herself, but everyone knows Cody won’t lay a hand on Jade. Red Velvet will though, and she will stir Cargill’s b**** a** up. Arn: “That’s what I was talking about!”

Kip Sabian and Penelope Ford are excited to be married and invite us to the Beach Break wedding. Miro will be there as the best man and he’s bringing Charles the butler with him.

Hangman Page vs. Ryan Nemeth

Page is accompanied by crippling emotional baggage and Nemeth (complete with trunks that say “Hunk”) is Dolph Ziggler’s brother. An exchange of shoulders goes badly for Nemeth and Page kicks him in the face. Nemeth gets in a few chops in the corner and Page just doesn’t look happy. A shot to the face puts Nemeth down in the corner for the stomping. Page sends him outside for the slingshot dive but gets dropkicked back down inside.

Cue Matt Hardy to watch as Nemeth grabs a handstand hammerlock. Back up and Page runs him over, setting up a spinebuster, much to Hardy’s approval. A Dolph Ziggler jumping DDT gets two on Page but he blasts Nemeth with a discus forearm. There’s a hard lariat and the Buckshot Lariat finishes Nemeth at 5:38.

Rating: C. As usual, an unknown got in a lot of offense on an established star but Nemeth might have a little something with the Hunk/movie star good looks thing (and the family connection helps as well). Page getting a win is a good thing, but hopefully he doesn’t get pulled into whatever Hardy’s latest thing is.

Post match Hardy and Tony Schiavone get in the ring, with Hardy saying Page looks lost. They were on the same team in Stadium Stampede and Page is a good person who deserves to be happy. Page has been dressing by himself in a room next to catering. He is welcome to dress in Hardy’s big dressing room, no strings attached. Tony: “I think you should take him up on that.”

Jungle Boy and Dax Harwood both want to prove they are the better man, especially with everyone else neutralized at ringside.

Dax Harwood vs. Jungle Boy

Luchasaurus is here and handcuffed to Tully Blanchard and Cash Wheeler (Marko Stunt is sent to the back because…..well because he’s Marko Stunt). Harwood grabs a headlock to start but gets knocked down for his efforts. Another headlock works a bit better as Boy is taken to the mat and then knocked down again for good measure. They run the ropes until Boy scores with a dropkick and goes for the legs. That’s broken up and Harwood goes outside, with Luchasaurus not allowing Tully to get in much coaching.

Back in and Harwood uppercuts him into the corner but Boy chops his way to freedom. A kick to the ribs cuts him off but Harwood misses a charge into the post so Boy grabs an armbar. That doesn’t last long either as Harwood punches him in the face for a breather. They head outside with Harwood sending him into the barricade and sending us to a break. Back with Boy fighting out of a chinlock and kicking Harwood in the face.

A top rope belly to back superplex brings Luchasaurus to his feet and gives Harwood two but it injures his shoulder in the process. Boy pops back up and hammers away, only to get his head clotheslined off. A hard slingshot powerbomb gives Harwood two, with Tully being rather pleased.

Boy is back up with some rolling German suplexes until Harwood elbows him hard in the face. That earns Harwood a rebound lariat but Harwood head fakes him into a DDT (ala Arn Anderson) for two. They trade rollups with trunks for two each, followed by victory rolls for the same. Boy’s crucifix gets two, as does Harwood’s counter. Boy pulls him into the Snare Trap (Regal Stretch) and Harwood taps clean at 14:54.

Rating: B+. I don’t remember the last time I got sucked into a match outside of NXT so this was a heck of a treat as they had a great wrestling match. This was Boy’s speed and athleticism against Harwood’s old school style and they meshed so well. This is the kind of thing that I wanted to see out of FTR and it’s great to see Boy hanging in there every step of the way. Awesome match here that blew away some fairly high expectations I had coming in.

Post match, Tully throws powder at Luchasaurus and gets out of the handcuffs. A slingshot suplex puts Boy down and a spike double piledriver (featuring Air Tully) knocks Luchasaurus silly. Luchasaurus is handcuffed to the ropes and FTR cuts the horns off of his mask to make it personal. They go to cut Boy’s hair but Marko Stunt, SCU and Top Flight make the save.

Earlier tonight, Team Taz was outside where Taz talked about being ready to destroy Sting and Darby Allin at Revolution. Hold on though as they find a random merchandise table and beat the workers up for having too much Sting and Darby gear. Taz promises more of this for the two of them.

Britt Baker vs. Shanna

Rebel is here with Baker and Shanna is making her return. Baker works on the wristlock to start but gets reverses into the same thing from Shanna. That’s broken up with Shanna being taken into the corner for a hard forearm. That’s broken up though as Shanna goes for the wristlock, followed by an enziguri. The running dropkick against the ropes misses though as Rebel pulls Baker away, meaning Baker can get in a shot from behind.

The Sling Blade on the floor drops Shanna again and we take a break. Back with Shanna hitting a clothesline for two, followed by Baker’s neckbreaker for two. A Stunner drops Baker again and now the running dropkick against the ropes connects. Rebel realizes trouble is afoot though and offers a distraction so Baker can grab the Lockjaw for the pin at 8:33.

Rating: C+. I know Baker has been doing the same thing for a good while, but that’s a good thing in this case. She’s rather entertaining with what she does and it continues to set up the showdown with Thunder Rosa. Baker is probably the most defined character in all of the division and she plays it to near perfection. Stick with what works instead of changing everything at once, as you can often stick with a good idea instead of trying unnecessary changes.

Post match the beatdown stays on but here’s Thunder Rosa for the save.

MJF comes in to see Sammy Guevara and insists that he didn’t send Wardlow in last week. Sammy doesn’t buy it because he knows what MJF is doing and doesn’t buy his lies. MJF asks if Sammy wants to play it this way but Sammy isn’t playing. Man alive Sammy is a breakout star waiting to happen.

Beach Break rundown.

More on what’s coming later on, with Riho making her return in the #1 contenders tournament at a date to be announced.

The Good Brothers and the Young Bucks are happy with the Bullet Club reunion and are ready to do their thing tonight. Then next week they’re going to do their favorite thing: BEAT UP JON MOXLEY! The Bucks are down with that but don’t want Don Callis involved. Kenny Omega comes in and says they need to talk but here’s Callis, who has a taped up face thanks to the Bucks. Omega has to hold them apart.

Dark Order vs. Young Bucks/Good Brothers

It’s Evil Uno/Stu Grayson/Alex Reynolds/John Silver for the Order. Uno shoulders Anderson to start and gets two off an atomic drop of all things. It’s time to start in on the wristlock and Silver comes in for a bald showdown. Silver wants Gallows and the request is granted after a bit of discussion. Somehow Silver manages to kick him down to a knee but a cheap shot from the apron lets Gallows him him in the face. Matt comes in and gets forearmed by Reynolds but the Bucks start firing off the dropkicks.

Everything breaks down and it’s a dropkick/neckbreaker/belly to back suplex combination to Reynolds. The club poses (JR: “That’s another t-shirt.”) and Anderson trips Reynolds down. JR wants an ejection but Uno trips Matt as well, allowing the hot tag to Grayson. The pace picks way up and it’s a springboard dropkick to put Gallows on the floor. A frog splash gets two on Anderson and we take a break. Back with Grayson hitting a Pele on Nick and diving over for the hot tag to Silver.

That means house can be cleaned again as Silver does the fired up comeback rather well. Silver runs over the club on the floor as well, setting up a brainbuster for two on Nick back inside. Matt comes in and hits the double northern lights suplex on Silver and Reynolds. There’s the double clothesline to take them down as well but Reynolds hits a Stunner into the German suplex on Matt.

The Fatality connects with Anderson having to make the save as everything breaks down again. Nick hits the double springboard flip dive onto most of everyone on the floor and the club hits a bunch of apron powerbombs at the same time. Grayson is left alone in the ring and it’s a quadruple low superkick with Uno making the save. The Magic Killer knocks Uno to the floor and it’s the Meltzer Driver to finish Grayson at 11:45.

Rating: B. This was an entertaining match with the Dark Order hanging in there long enough. I know it has been said but Silver is one of those guys with all of the charisma he could need to be a star. I’m fine with the club winning here as they need to show they can work together, even if a Bucks vs. Brothers match seems like at Revolution. Good main event here though, with the Dark Order working as faces (or close enough to them at least).

Post match the Bucks talk about the Beach Break battle royal with the winners getting a Tag Team Title shot at Revolution. They are in the match as well and if they win, it is champions’ choice for the title shot. The Bucks and the Brothers hit the Too Sweet but here’s Rey Fenix to go after them to avenge Pentagon. This goes as well as you would expect, even though he manages to knock the Bucks to the floor. Cue Jon Moxley to help with the fight and Fenix hits a heck of a dive, even landing on the barricade in the process. Kenny Omega tries to run in with the boot but walks into the Paradigm Shift to end the show.

Overall Rating: B. Now that was more like it with a few rather good to great matches carrying the show. There was nothing bad on the show and I’m curious to see where Beach Break goes, even if there isn’t a huge main event. This week’s show was about building for the future but still had some solid stuff of its own. I liked this show a good bit more than last week and hopefully they can do it again at next week’s big show.

Results

Eddie Kingston b. Lance Archer – Spinning backfist with brass knuckles

Chris Jericho/MJF b. Varsity Blonds – Lionsault to Pillman

Hangman Page b. Ryan Nemeth – Buckshot lariat

Jungle Boy b. Dax Harwood – Snare Trap

Britt Baker b. Shanna – Lockjaw

Young Bucks/Good Brothers b. Dark Order – Meltzer Driver to Grayson

 

 

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Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Attendance: 52,020
Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves, Byron Saxton, Mauro Ranallo, John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

The aisle is crazy long and would require a cart to bring some of the wrestlers to the ring during the Rumble. There’s something cool about that, on both fronts actually.

Kickoff Show: Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Nikki and Natalya start things off with Natalya doing You Can’t See Me. That means a slap to the face and there are so few people being so quiet that you can hear what the women are saying. Bliss comes in and gets caught with a facebuster for two. It’s off to Naomi for half of a double dropkick with Nikki’s part not even coming close. Nikki and company hit a triple suplex to send them outside, followed by a dive from Naomi as we take a break.

Back with Becky clotheslining Natalya and hitting a running forearm in the corner. They head outside with Mickie getting in a cheap shot to drop Becky, allowing Natalya to snap a suplex to really take over. Back in and Becky gets driven into the corner again, allowing Bliss to choke a bit. Mickie adds a hard kick to the face as the announcers argue over whether or not cheating is smart.

A Michinoku Driver plants Becky but Natalya can’t get Suplex City (Her words. Well Lesnar’s words, though JR said it about thirteen years earlier.). Instead it’s a double clothesline so Naomi can come in and clean house. The still dumb looking dancing kicks drop Bliss as everything breaks down. A kick to the head sets up the split legged moonsault to give Naomi the pin on Bliss at 9:39.

Rating: C-. The lack of a crowd either in their seats or really interested in this one hurt it a lot but the work wasn’t terrible. The women’s division had gotten so much better by this point that you could trust them to go out and have a match like this, though the stories need to be stronger. I’m really having an issue caring about Nikki never getting to marry her dream husband and complete her fairy tale story but I’m not exactly the target audience.*

Kickoff Show: Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and there are two referees due to some screwy finishes as of late. The crowd is MUCH better now, making the place look like there’s an actual audience for the show. Cesaro dropkicks Anderson at the bell for two and a gutwrench suplex gets the same less than thirty seconds in.

Gallows loads up a cheap shot from the apron but the second referee catches him, making the gimmick actually work. Sheamus grabs a Regal Roll into Cesaro’s jumping double stomp for two more but Anderson is back up with a kick to the face to take over. It’s off to Gallows, who is quickly kicked down so the champs can take him into the corner. This has been mostly one sided so far but Gallows gets in a backdrop for a breather. Not that the fans seem to care for the most part though.

A big boot knocks Sheamus off the apron and we take a break. Back (after the commercial has been cut from the Network) with Cesaro suplexing Gallows and rolling over to bring Sheamus back in. The ten forearms to the chest have Gallows in trouble and a top rope clothesline gets two. Super White Noise gets the same but Gallows shoves Sheamus away and makes the hot tag to Anderson.

The second referee won’t allow some cheating so Swiss Death gives Cesaro two. A 619 and a high crossbody give him the same but Anderson kicks him down again. Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer and a referee eats a Brogue Kick. The second referee comes in to see Cesaro put Anderson in the Sharpshooter, only to have Gallows break it up with a kick to the face. Everything breaks down again and it’s a Magic Killer for Sheamus, followed by a rollup with tights to pin Cesaro at 10:28.

Rating: C+. Nice power fight here with both teams hitting each other rather hard. That’s all this needed to be, though I could go for adding a different style in there. Power vs. power isn’t going to work all that well in the long term but at least they had a good match here. These title changes didn’t really matter though as it was all going to change when the Hardys came back. No one knew that yet though and at least we had something good here.

Kickoff Show: Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Nia injured her a month or so ago and tonight is about revenge. Sasha doesn’t have her knee brace on as Nia drives her into the ropes and easily shoves off a headlock. A rope walk springboard goes just as badly as Banks can’t get anything going early on. Jax runs her over and we take an early break.

Back with Sasha trying a standing Bank Statement and having it broken up with ease. Jax grabs a Brock Lock and swings Banks around until a rope can be grabbed. Sasha finally avoids a charge to send Jax into the post, followed by the top rope double knees for two. Sasha comes up holding her knee though and the pop up Samoan drop puts her away at 5:13.

Rating: D+. This was just a step above a squash and really only served to keep Nia around. Banks is going to be fine after a loss like this while Nia still doesn’t have the big defining win (which would still be the case a year later). There was no need for this to be on pay per view though and it could have easily been done on Raw. That’s never a good sign.

And now, a nearly four hour show. I know I say this a lot but I’m almost gassed just watching that Kickoff Show. There’s really no need to do it this way, especially when you have the horrible empty stadium for the first match.

Completely standard opening video, though they do play in the cool “Remember the Rumble” tagline to show off a lot of the famous clips. If there’s one thing WWE does well, it’s look back at their own history. The rest of the matches get some time as well with each one having something to remember as well.

Raw Women’s Title: Bayley vs. Charlotte

Charlotte is defending and still has never lost a singles match on pay per view. Bayley gets wrestled down to start as Charlotte grabs a front facelock. The fans seem split here despite giving Bayley a heck of a reaction on her entrance. Charlotte heads outside for no apparent reason, allowing Bayley to grab her by the hair and snap her over the middle rope (basically a Stunner) to take over. A headscissors gets two and it’s already time to hit the stalling.

Bayley makes the mistake of going outside and gets kicked into the steps as she doesn’t have much of an answer for Charlotte’s power game. Back in and Charlotte slams Bayley’s face into the mat a few times but makes sure to throw in a quick pose (that’s the Flair in her). We hit the chinlock with Charlotte’s hair falling over Bayley’s face, giving us a rather odd visual of Bayley as a blonde. A knee drop gets two on Bayley and Charlotte is getting annoyed at Bayley sticking around.

Yet another kickout off a neckbreaker makes the frustration even worse so Charlotte does her figure four necklock into the face plants on the mat. The flips to send Bayley back first into the mat make it even worse as Charlotte is completely dominant so far. Charlotte stops to mock Bayley though and a heck of a slap cuts the champ off. A battle of the chops goes to Charlotte (well duh) but Bayley bounces out of the corner with an armdrag. A springboard crossbody (with a few too many bounces) drops Charlotte again and a jumping spinning Downward Spiral (not bad) does it again.

The top rope elbow (which looked awesome on impact) gets a very close two and you can feel the crowd breathe on the kickout. Charlotte (who might be bleeding from the mouth) kicks the knee out though and the Figure Four goes on. The referee catches her grabbing the ropes though and both women are down. Charlotte is up first but her moonsault only grazes knees to give Bayley two. Bayley goes up but gets shoved off to the floor in a heap. As she gets back in, Natural Selection onto the apron retains the title at 13:01.

Rating: B-. Bayley was fighting here but came up short, which is exactly how her character needs to go. For some reason WWE didn’t quite get this and instead put the title on her two weeks later in a nothing Raw match, ignoring the idea of building her up as an underdog. Charlotte was her usual awesome self here and that makes for a fun match, though the future didn’t go the way it should have. At least the first match was solid though.

The shark cage is lowered. This might require an explanation.

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns had come close to taking the title from Kevin Owens but Chris Jericho interfered to cost Reigns the match. Therefore it’s time for a rematch with Jericho in a one man cage (the shark cage) above the ring. Jericho is of course scared of heights so this should be fun. It would be a better idea if they hadn’t done it in NXT not too long before this.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Owens is defending and this is No DQ. Jericho takes his sweet time getting into the cage (as he should) and is still not in even when Reigns comes out. The Canadians try some double teaming and knock Reigns into the cage all, only to have Reigns fight them off (and the fans are really, REALLY not pleased) and send Jericho into the cage to get us going. The cage is raised like a sexy pinata (Jericho’s very accurate term for himself) and Owens jumps Reigns from behind.

They waste no time in fighting out to the floor and then into the crowd with Reigns hitting him in the ribs with a metal stand. Back to ringside with Owens being bounced off the German announcers’ table but coming back with a whip into the steps. Owens pulls six chairs from underneath the ring and sets up four at ringside, two by two. A monitor shot to the ribs sets up the Cannonball against the barricade and Owens continues to be over like free beer in a frat house.

With Reigns down, Owens sets up two more chairs on top of the four he already had. One more is placed on top but of course the powerbomb and suplex attempts don’t work to prevent a broken back. Back in and Reigns sends him shoulder first into the post before loading up a table. That’s enough to make the fans cheer Reigns (I’m as shocked as you are) but a Backstabber gives Owens two.

Another Cannonball, with Owens mocking Reigns’ spear pose, is countered into a powerbomb. The apron dropkick rocks the champ again as this has been better than I was expecting so far. They’re beating each other up quite well and it’s pretty entertaining, despite Jericho being a non-factor so far. They head outside with Reigns getting superkicked onto a table, setting up a frog splash from the top to the floor in a big crash.

That’s only good for two (well duh) so Owens dedicates a chair shot to Jericho and gets another near fall. A chair is wedged into the corner because wrestlers never learn a thing. Owens scores with a superkick and manages to send Reigns into the chair as I’m not sure what to think. It’s not like that’s never worked before but it’s about as rare as Jericho eating crab cakes and goat’s milk.

With that not working, Jericho tosses Owens some brass knuckles but Reigns blocks the Superman Punch. Roman’s Superman Punch gets two and a Samoan drop through the chair is good for the same. You would think being driven THROUGH A CHAIR would be a big time match but since this is modern wrestling, something that big is now just a regular move. It’s the price you pay for all the big spots and violence.

Roman puts another table in the corner before another Superman Punch gets two. A spear is countered into a Stunner of all things but Reigns kicks out again. We continue the Austin homage with a mudhole stomping and a Cannonball (not so much Austin) as Owens is getting frustrated. That makes him do something dumb, like trying a superplex through that pile of chairs.

Reigns breaks that up and Superman Punches Owens through the pile instead for a very loud crash. A powerbomb puts Reigns through the announcers’ table but here’s Braun Strowman to beat the heck out of Reigns. Roman is sent into the post, followed by the running powerslam through the table in the corner to retain Owens’ title at 23:27.

Rating: B+. This was better than I was expecting and while it feels like a similar ending to Randy Orton vs. John Cena from Royal Rumble 2015, it’s still a good way to keep the title on Owens for the time being. They had a very good power brawl and Owens retaining is the right move, especially with the feud with Strowman getting a big boost. Jericho was barely a factor and that’s a good thing given that they were about to split in the near future.

To really fill in time, we’re doing a countdown of the thirty greatest moments in Rumble history, starting with 30-16 (or 30-15 as Cole puts it). Well kind of as the list is actually 30 facts, which is kind of Rumble By The Numbers.

30. Bret Hart was the first entrant

29. 870 people have entered

28. 3 women have entered and each has eliminated at least one man

27. 23 people have won, meaning 98% of the entrants are losers

26. 4 Rumbles have been in Texas

25. California and Florida have held 5 Rumbles each

24. 507,102 fans have seen the Rumble

23. Rey Mysterio lasted longer than anyone ever at 1:02:12

22. Edge won the Rumble in 7:37

21. Santino Marella was eliminated in 1 second

20. The longest time in a single Rumble without winning is Bob Backlund with 1:01:10

19. HHH has spent the most time in the Rumble with 4:06:08.

18. 46 Hall of Famers have competed

17. 9 Hall of Famers have won

16. Mick Foley entered the Rumble 3 times in 1998

Raw boss Stephanie McMahon mocks Raw underling Mick for Strowman interfering when Smackdown bosses Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan come in. They roll the tumbler so Sami Zayn can come in and pick his number, which of course takes some time. Before Sami can open his ball, Dean Ambrose comes in searching for churros. He gets a number but is off to take a nap until he’s due in the Rumble. After going to a crowd shot of watching this in the arena (erg), Sami gets #8.

Austin Aries joins commentary for the Cruiserweight Title match.

We recap Rich Swann vs. Neville. Swann is the Cruiserweight Champion but Neville has declared himself the King of the Cruiserweights. That’s completely accurate and it’s time for Swann to take a heck of a beating and give up a title that doesn’t belong to him. This is about as obvious of an ending as you’re going to get. They throw in some history between the two with Neville mentoring Swann both in Japan and here in America. That’s better than nothing and more than I would expect from a match like this, even if Neville winning is pretty much guaranteed.

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Neville is challenging and stops himself from doing his usual entrance because the fans don’t deserve it. That’s a nice touch and makes him feel different instead of the same guy who just happens to be a villain now. Feeling out process to start until Swann flips over Neville and misses a dropkick.

Neville gets sent outside for a dive but is fine enough to drive Swann right into the corner. A missile dropkick sets up a jackknife cover for two and Neville stands on Swann’s head. Neville wants to know if this is it and gets crucifixed for two. Back up and Neville forearms the heck out of Swann for two more and we’re off to the chinlock. The comeback is enough to have Neville take him outside for some whips into the barricade.

Back in and Neville comes up the top, diving straight into a superkick to the jaw. That one looked awesome and both guys are down. Another kick to the jaw and a super hurricanrana sets up a Phoenix flip dive to the floor to put Neville in trouble. They head back inside with Swann hammering away before getting two off something like a Warrior splash.

Neville isn’t down enough that he can’t crotch Swann on top. He also can’t hit the superplex but settles for a hard superkick to stagger the champ. Rich’s spinning kick to the head gets two as Neville gets his foot on the ropes. Swann again takes too long to get up top, allowing Neville to superplex him into the Rings of Saturn for the tap to make Neville champion at 13:29.

Rating: B-. They were beating the heck out of each other in a better than average match. Instead of having Neville squash him in relatively short order, Swann got in some offense, only to eventually not be good enough to overcome the King of the Cruiserweights. This was entertaining, but Neville is going to need some better challengers.

We recap AJ Styles vs. John Cena. Styles defeated Cena twice in a row last year, including with one clean pinfall. Then Cena said he wanted to challenge the champion at the Rumble and since he’s John Cena and one title shy of tying Ric Flair’s record, the match was made.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles vs. John Cena

Cena is challenging and has the black shorts on here so you know it’s a big night. AJ scores with a kick to the leg so Cena clotheslines him to the apron. Cena gets in a few right hands but charges into a boot in the corner to let AJ take over. Back to back knee drops have Cena in trouble but AJ stops to yell at the crowd. A third knee, this time with a You Can’t See Me, misses and Cena is right back with a backdrop.

AJ sticks the landing on an AA though and there’s an enziguri to put Cena down again. There’s a hurricanrana and Cena doesn’t seem to know what to do with Styles. The running seated forearm gives AJ two more but Cena punches him in the face. The Shuffle is broken up though and AJ grabs a wheelbarrow facebuster to put Cena down again. AJ hits the Phenomenal Blitz, only to have Cena hit that hard running clothesline for a breather that he uses when he needs a breather.

Now the Shuffle connects but it’s way too early for the AA. AJ grabs a torture rack into a spinning powerbomb for two more and we get a bit of a pause. They’re doing a good job here of going with the slower pace to build things up here, which is exactly what they should be doing.

The Phenomenal Forearm misses and it’s an AA for two. Another hard running clothesline gives Cena two more but he charges into a Pele to the shoulder. Now the Forearm connects for two more as they’re even in the near falls off the finishers. AJ starts firing off the hard kicks to the chest and Cena doesn’t seem like he’s breathing very well. One too many kicks earns him an electric chair into a faceplant though and Cena is right back into it.

They slug it out with JBL describing AJ as blocking every punch with his face. Apparently that’s fine enough to reverse a right hand into the Calf Crusher but of course Cena reverses into the STF to a nice round of applause. At least they respect some wrestling abilities. Somehow AJ reverses that into an STF of his own but Cena powers to his feet. Instead of an AA though, it’s off to a Figure Four on the champ (because we must praise Flair, though it’s appropriate here).

AJ pulls himself up though and tries a cross armbreaker, which of course is countered into a powerbomb for two. Cena goes up top for the Fameasser but gets powerbombed out of the air. Now the Styles Clash is good for two as the fans are feeling the near falls (as they should with the match picking WAY up in a hurry). Code Red gives Cena two more, followed by AJ’s fireman’s carry backbreaker for the same.

Something like a swinging Big Ending (called a cutter by Mauro) gives Cena two more so it’s time for the big guns. Cena busts out the super AA…….for two. You can see the look of disbelief on Cena’s face and now the fans aren’t sure what to think. The Styles Clash gives AJ his own near fall but Cena counters the Phenomenal Forearm into back to back AA’s for the pin and the title at 24:01.

Rating: A. This took its time to build up and it’s one of the best matches of 2017. Cena using raw power to start but eventually learning what AJ was going to throw at him and adapting made for a great story. He couldn’t win with the mega power move either, eventually having to counter AJ to beat him. That builds on their previous matches and it’s a classic match as a result.

Cena celebrates. JBL: “Man that was good!” Yeah pretty much. Cena heads into the crowd and hands the title to a Make-A-Wish kid because he’s that awesome.

We look at Seth Rollins invading Takeover: San Antonio to call out HHH, who cost him his spot in the Rumble. HHH said Rollins needs to be careful what he wished for. Worry not though as STEPHANIE will be on Raw tomorrow night to deal with Rollins. I’d be terrified too.

Jerry Lawler comes out for commentary on the Rumble.

Back to the Rumble by the Numbers.

15. Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

14. 7 winners are from 1-10

13. 4 have been from 11-20

12. 19 have been from 21-40

11. 27 is the lucky number

10. 1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

9. 1 and 2 have been the final two entrants twice (1995 and 1999)

8. Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

7. Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles

6. Kane has the most career eliminations

5. Roman Reigns has the most eliminations in one match

4. The World Title has been on the line twice

3. Three men have been runner up twice (Cena, Big Show, HHH)

2. Five men have won twice (Cena, HHH, Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Batista)

1. Only Steve Austin has won three Rumbles

Royal Rumble

Two minutes intervals and it’s Big Cass in at #1, meaning Enzo Amore gets to do the full entrance. We’re just that lucky I guess but the fans are still eating it up at this point. Since everything is bigger in Texas, it would make sense for Big Cass to win here tonight. We hear about some of the bigger names but Cass is going to toss all of them out because Cass is like HBK in 1995. Chris Jericho is in at #2 as his bad luck in the Rumble draws continue (this is his third time as #2).

Cass tosses him down with a fall away slam but an early Empire Elbow misses. The Walls are broken up and it’s Kalisto in at #3 after only ninety seconds. A springboard dropkick staggers Cass and a regular one drops Jericho. Cass can’t powerslam Kalisto and it’s some kicks to cut Cass down again. Mojo Rawley is in at #4 as we’re not even three minutes and fifteen seconds in yet. Corey: “Smackdown Live’s resident blithering idiot.” Lawler: “That’s an insult to blithering idiots”.

Cass takes Rawley into the corner while the other two are down on the apron. Jericho breaks four hours in the Rumble to give him the all time record as Jack Gallagher is in at #5. The length of the aisle really becomes an issue here as Jack takes forever to get to the ring. Once there though he cleans house with the umbrella, including a low blow to a posing Jericho. One heck of a toss sends Kalisto to the mat and it’s Mark Henry in at #6.

Everyone is down when his music hits but Gallagher has enough time to get up and stomp on Jericho by the time he gets there. Gallagher’s headbutt just annoys Mark so he tosses Jack through the ropes (not an elimination). Jack does his Mary Poppins dive with the umbrella and is promptly eliminated. Braun Strowman is in at #7, taking twenty five seconds from the start of his music to get to the ring. Jericho hides on the floor (Jericho: “HE’S HUGE!”) as Strowman gets rid of Mojo, Cass, Kalisto and Henry, the latter after a battle of the giants.

Sami Zayn is in at #8 and is stupid enough to charge into the ring and slug away as fast as he can. Sami stops a charge with a boot but tries a suplex for some reason. Strowman misses a charge into the post but comes right back with a running splash in the corner as Big Show is #9 (to a VERY strong reaction, oddly enough).

We get the big, long walk to the ring where Sami is down in the corner and Jericho is still on the floor. Strowman clotheslines Show down without much effort but a chokeslam cuts him down. Jericho picks now to come back in and is promptly punched down, leaving the giants to lift each other up for failed slam attempts. Strowman manages to muscle Show out though and is the only one standing. The debuting Tye Dillinger is #10 (in the perfect (ten) entrance), giving us Jericho, Strowman, Zayn and Dillinger. Tye goes straight at Strowman with forearms and left hands as Sami gets up to help him slug away at the giant.

They get suplexed down without much effort though and it’s James Ellsworth in at #11. He and Carmella run to the ring (in a relationship that was never explained) but don’t get in, allowing Tye and Sami to pull Strowman to the apron. Dean Ambrose is in at #12 and tricks Ellsworth into charging in on his own where Strowman eliminates him in all of ten seconds. That’s better than I was expecting. Dean gets in but can’t do much with Strowman (well duh) but Tye and Sami get back up to help Dean out. That earns them all running clotheslines in the corner and it’s Baron Corbin in at #13.

That means four on one on Strowman, who shrugs them all away. Strowman dumps Tye but Sami grabs him by the beard for a breather. A Helluva Kick rocks Strowman and Corbin gets rid of the monster after a star making performance. Dean hits a quick Dirty Deeds on Corbin but doesn’t try to eliminate him. Dean never was the smartest guy in the world.

Kofi Kingston is in at #14 and the countdown is on to the cool save. Kofi gets knocked into the ropes and Corbin does his slide underneath the ropes into a clothesline on Dean. The Miz is in at #15 (thankfully with Maryse), giving us Jericho (STILL on the floor), Sami, Ambrose, Corbin and Miz at the moment.

A Skull Crushing Finale drops Dean but Miz doesn’t go for the elimination. Deep Six cuts Miz off as the crowd oddly dies for a bit. For no logical reason, Kofi climbs to the top of the post but gets knocked down onto his chest. He still manages to hang on though and scores with Trouble in Paradise on Corbin. Sheamus is in at #16 and it’s time for some powerslams. Miz backs away from Sheamus but gets caught in the ten forearms to the chest. Jericho gets back up and is promptly Brogue Kicked down.

Big E. is in at #17 and it’s a quick abdominal stretch on Miz, allowing for some spanking. If that’s what he’s into I guess. The ring is getting too full and Rusev (with a broken nose) makes it even worse at #18. Right hands have Dean in trouble but no one is seriously close to being eliminated.

Sheamus gets in a hard knee on Miz and it’s Cesaro in at #19. It’s an early Swing to Miz and a second to Sami. Jerry: “Use him as a weapon!” Ambrose and Kofi are swung as well, followed by Big E. and Corbin but Rusev saves Sheamus from the same fate for some reason. You might notice a lot of names being swung and that’s because there are WAY too many people in the ring.

Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Jericho, Zayn, Ambrose, Corbin, Kingston, Miz, Sheamus, Big E. Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. We’re two thirds of the way into the match and over half of the people are still in. New Day beats Sheamus up and Woods has to save Kofi from an elimination at Miz’s hands. A pair of boots rock Miz but he’s not going anywhere yet. Bray Wyatt, with the lights going out, is in at #21 and the Fireflies coming out during the match is a cool visual.

Miz gets the release Rock Bottom and house is cleaned until Woods stares Wyatt down in a call back to Woods being terrified of Bray. Woods is sent to the apron and Kofi is put there next to him. Big E. saves his buddies from Cesaro and Sheamus as Apollo Crews is in at #22. Crews’ standing moonsault hits Miz as this is looking like a regular battle royal rather than the Rumble. Big E. pulls Woods and Kofi back inside but Sheamus and Cesaro get rid of all three of them at once to let the ring breathe a bit. Sheamus tries to dump Cesaro but Jericho runs in to get rid of both of them. Well the ring is certainly emptier in a hurry.

Randy Orton (of the Wyatt Family because reasons) is in at #23 with a quick RKO to Corbin and Rusev. Sami goes up top for some reason and dives right into another RKO. Dolph Ziggler is in at #24 and superkicks abound. The fans are begging for Goldberg to come in and get rid of some of these people but have to settle for Luke Harper at #25. We have five spots left and Goldberg, Undertaker and Brock Lesnar still to go. Harper gets rid of Crews but stops for a staredown with Orton. Wyatt has to play peacekeeper until Harper clotheslines Bray down. Orton breaks up Sister Abigail on Bray with an RKO as the ring is too full again.

Brock Lesnar is in at #26 and now we can get rid of some people. Ziggler and Ambrose are tossed with ease and it’s Suplex/F5 City. Everyone is down and the fans want Goldberg at #27. Instead it’s Enzo Amore in at #27 and I’ll let you figure out what happens. Graves: “THIS MAY BE THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!” Brock throws some suplexes until Goldberg is in at #28 for the big showdown. A spear and a clothesline get rid of Lesnar in all of fifteen seconds, stunning both the crowd and commentary at once. Sami eats a Jackhammer and Orton/Wyatt take a double spear.

Goldberg is the only man standing and it’s Undertaker in at #29 to a ROAR. Thankfully he appears in the ring instead of doing the ridiculously long walk down the ramp. Cole: “THIS IS A MOMENT!” Well those are what matter more than anything else. Corbin and Rusev break up the showdown and are promptly eliminated. A spear takes Undertaker down but Goldberg turns his attention to eliminate Harper, allowing Undertaker to dump him. Undertaker chokeslams a few people and it’s Roman Reigns at #30 (imagine the booing) to give us Jericho, Sami, Miz, Wyatt, Orton, Undertaker and Reigns.

That means another staredown and Reigns wins the slugout. The fans are LIVID and call this BS until Undertaker stops the Superman Punch with a chokeslam. Undertaker dumps Miz and Zayn like they’re nothing but takes too long calling for a Tombstone, allowing Reigns to dump him. That earns Reigns a glare to set up the Wrestlemania main event.

Jericho is dead so Reigns tosses him without much effort, giving Jericho the most meaningless hour run in Rumble history. Reigns is left alone with Orton and Wyatt with the double teaming starting in short order. The hanging DDT plants Reigns but Superman Punches get Roman out of trouble. Wyatt is eliminated but it’s an RKO and a clothesline to send Orton to Wrestlemania at 1:02:08.

Rating: D. And that’s being pretty generous. There are tons of problems here, but we’ll start with all the midcarders who were around forever and did nothing. Here are some of the people who weren’t going to win but were in the match for at least twenty minutes each:

Sami Zayn (47:12)

Dean Ambrose (26:55)

Baron Corbin (32:39)

Miz (32:44)

Rusev (22:31)

Those five names combined for one elimination. That’s a crazy amount of time to basically do nothing. If they’re not going to be factors (and none of them were as they were almost all glorified cannon fodder), don’t leave them out there go clog up the ring. It doesn’t do Sami any good to be out there for forty five minutes and do nothing, just like it doesn’t help Miz to be there for half an hour so people can beat on him. Jericho was a potential winner and stayed in there over an hour (spending a lot of it on the floor) but what good is an hour stay if he’s tossed out like he’s nothing after a mere two eliminations?

That brings us to the second problem: the three big names. This match was built around Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and Undertaker (the three of them and Cena are dead center on the post) and they combined to get rid of TEN people (over a third of the eliminations) despite being in the match for less time combined than any of the five names mentioned above. None of them made the final four but they cleared the way for the grouping. That’s some really bad planning and a lack of drama, especially when it makes everyone left look life afterthoughts. Let one of them be there as a dragon for the winner to slay at the very least.

Throw in a lack of meaningful surprises (Reigns was the only name of value not announced in advance) and no nostalgia to be seen (but we needed Apollo Crews and Dolph Ziggler to combine for ten minutes in the ring and not get rid of anyone) and there was very little to care about for the biggest part of the Rumble. Strowman stuff was fun, but after him there was a FIFTEEN MINUTE stretch with no eliminations. This was a terribly planned out Rumble and managed to turn one of the most entertaining matches of the year into something incredibly boring.

Overall Rating: C+. It says a lot when the Royal Rumble is the only bad thing on the show. Other than that, the worst match is…..I guess the women’s match? This show was rather awesome but the Rumble itself was such a mess that it brings the rest of the show way down. This was a good show that cold have been great and I have no idea how they thought that was the right idea with the Rumble. That should usually be the most important thing on the show but it felt like something they threw together here, which really misses the point. Fix the Rumble and it’s a classic. As it is, it’s just good.

Ratings Comparison

Naomi/Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Original: C

Redo: C-

Sheamus and Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Original: D+

Redo: C+

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

Original: C-

Redo: D+

Bayley vs. Charlotte Flair

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Kevin Owens vs. Roman Reigns

Original: B

Redo: B+

Rich Swann vs. Neville

Original: C+

Redo: B-

John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Original: A-

Redo: A

Royal Rumble

Original: C+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: B+

Redo: C+

That Rumble rating is ridiculous. Most of the rest of the matches are in the same ballpark though and that’s a good thing.

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/01/29/royal-rumble-2017-i-can-go-with-that/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.

Royal Rumble 2017
Date: January 29, 2017
Location: Alamodome, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton Corey Graves, John Bradshaw Layfield, Mauro Ranallo, David Otunga, Tom Phillips

Pre-Show: Nikki Bella/Becky Lynch/Naomi vs. Alexa Bliss/Mickie James/Natalya

Back with Natalya sending Becky into the barricade and taking her into the wrong corner to play some Ricky Morton. Natalya gets two off a clothesline and we hit the chinlock. Back up and Nikki gets over for the hot tag to Naomi for some exciting yet still stupid looking offense. Everything breaks down and Naomi hits a split legged moonsault for the pin on Alexa at 9:39.

Raw Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Anderson and Gallows

Karl comes back in and hits a running kick to the chest but has to backdrop his way out of the Neutralizer. Anderson gets in the spinebuster but Sheamus breaks up the Magic Killer. One referee takes the Brogue Kick by mistake so the second comes in to watch Anderson get Swung. Everything breaks down again and Anderson rolls Cesaro up with a handful of trunks for the pin at 10:28.

Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks

We recap the Raw World Title match. Roman Reigns has beaten champion Kevin Owens multiple times now but Chris Jericho constantly interferes to help retain the title. Therefore, Jericho will be locked in a shark cage above the ring despite the match being not DQ, which negates the point of the original stipulation in the first place.

Raw World Title: Roman Reigns vs. Kevin Owens

Reigns is challenging and anything goes. Jericho and Owens try to jump Reigns to start but Roman knocks Chris into the cage and has it raised into the air. The fight is taken straight into the crowd with Owens taking the worst of it. Back to ringside with the champ taking over by hitting Reigns with the top of the table.

The superkick is countered into a sitout powerbomb for two on Owens and the champ is in trouble. They head outside again with Reigns being put on the table for a frog splash off the top. A chair is wedged into the corner and Owens becomes the first heel in a LONG time to send someone into a chair he set up.

Enzo and Big Cass shill chicken.

The Rumble debuted in 1988

Bret Hart was the first entrant

870 superstars have entered

3 females have entered and all of them have eliminated one person

23 different winners

98% of the entrants have lost

4 Rumbles in Texas

California and Florida have hosted 5 Rumbles each

507,102 fans have appeared

Rey Mysterio lasted 1:02:12

Edge only took 7:36 to win

Santino Marella lasted 1 second

Bob Backlund lasted 1:01:10 for the longest run without winning

HHH has spent 4:06:08 over 9 Rumbles

46 Hall of Famers

9 Hall of Famers won

Foley appeared 3 times in 1998

Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Rich Swann

Swann is defending but Neville hammers him down into the corner to start with the champ in early trouble. Rich grabs a quick crucifix for two but Neville facelocks him to take over again. An elbow to the head sets up a chinlock as the match slows down again. Neville finally lets go and sends Swann into the barricade as this is completely one sided so far.

New Day shills Vudu.

Smackdown World Title: John Cena vs. AJ Styles

Cena is challenging and they stare each other down to start. AJ goes after the leg to start and takes Cena down for a kneedrop. Cena tries an early AA but Styles lands on his feet and grabs a hurricanrana. The sliding forearm gets two and a German suplex into a facebuster gets the same.

Jerry Lawler is doing commentary on the Rumble.

Rumble by the Numbers.

Only 16 of the 30 possible numbers have won

7 winners are from 1-10

4 have been from 11-20

19 have been from 21-40

27 is the lucky number

1 and 2 have produced 4 winners

2 people have won from #1

Only one person has won from the same number twice (Batista at #28)

Kane has entered the most Royal Rumbles and has the most eliminations

The title has been on the line twice

Four winners have been runners up

Six names have won twice

Steve Austin has won three times

Royal Rumble

Two minute intervals. Big Cass is in at #1 and Enzo fills in some more time by singing about how much he loves Texas. After a speech about this is the big Rumble and Cass is going to act like HBK in 1995, Chris Jericho is in at #2. Cass starts fast and throws Jericho around, only to have to block the Walls. A catapult sends Jericho to the apron and Kalisto is in at #3.

Dean and Ellsworth agree to go after Strowman but James stays on the floor. James goes in and is quickly tossed, leaving Dean, Dillinger and Zayn to work on Strowman. Baron Corbin is in at #13 and makes it a quadruple team but Strowman gets rid of Dillinger for his seventh elimination. Corbin and company hammer on Strowman and Baron actually clotheslines Braun out on his own for a BIG surprise.

Again that goes nowhere as Cesaro is in at #19 with the ring getting too full. Cesaro Swings a bunch of people until Rusev superkicks him down. Xavier Woods is in at #20, giving us Sami, Jericho, Ambrose, Corbin, Kofi, Miz, Sheamus, Big E., Rusev, Cesaro and Woods. New Day hammers on Sheamus and Miz is sent into a double kick in the corner.

Enzo gets all fired up and takes one heck of a clothesline before being tossed. Goldberg is in at #28 and this could be very interesting. The spear drops Lesnar in a hurry and a clothesline gets rid of Brock two seconds later. Sami takes a Jackhammer but Orton and Wyatt jump Goldberg.

Pyro wraps us up.

Results

Charlotte b. Bayley – Natural Selection onto the apron

Kevin Owens b. Roman Reigns – Pin after a powerslam from Braun Strowman

Neville b. Rich Swann – Rings of Saturn

John Cena b. AJ Styles – Attitude Adjustment

Randy Orton won the 2017 Royal Rumble last eliminating Roman Reigns

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and head over to my Amazon author page with 30 different cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

AND

Remember to check out Wrestlingrumors.net for all of your wrestling headline needs.