Royal Rumble 1992
Date: January 19, 1992
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

This year’s Rumble is often called the greatest ever, but I wonder how much of that is because of Bobby Heenan’s masterful commentary. The WWF Title is on the line in the Rumble, which to date (2012) is the only time this has ever happened. I could see that being a really good stipulation again, but for some reason it never has again. I remember loving this show so let’s get to it.

We start with the usual listing of most of the people in the Rumble, all of whom are #1 contenders I suppose.

Heenan is betting on Flair for tonight’s Rumble. Also we’ve got a NEW Intercontinental Champion as Mountie has beaten Bret Hart over the weekend. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

Orient Express vs. New Foundation

It’s Owen/Neidhart as the Foundation here. Owen and Kato start thing off here. All four guys look like they’re in pajamas here. Owen takes him down to the mat by the arm before climbing up the ropes (not in the corner mind you but just the ropes) to backflip into the ring for an armdrag. A rana puts Kato down and it’s off to Neidhart vs. Tanaka. Tanaka gets run over as well, so here’s Owen to beat him up.

Tanaka gets caught by an enziguri and it’s back to Neidhart. The Express gets clotheslined down by Jim and Owen adds a double cross body for two. A spinwheel kick gets the same for Hart so Kato tries to come in sans tag. The distraction lets Fuji hit Owen with the cane to finally give the Express control. Tanaka hooks a chinlock as this isn’t exactly as fast paced as last year’s opener.

Owen gets to do Bret’s chest to the buckle bump before charging into a superkick in the other corner for two. After Kato comes in and does nothing, here’s Tanaka again for a headbutt to the abdomen. A chinlock goes nowhere but a headbutt gets two on Owen. Neidhart gets the tag but the referee doesn’t see it of course. The distraction allows Fuji to put the cane on the corner and Owen’s shoulder goes through it in a loud crunch.

It only gets two though as Owen gets a leg over the rope. Kato channels his inner Anderson with a hammerlock slam before it’s back to Tanaka. Owen finally escapes and things break down for a bit, resulting in a double clothesline for two on Hart. A superkick to the chest doesn’t put Owen down, but Tanaka jumping over Kato to land on Hart’s back does. Hart comes back with a dropkick to take out both members of the Express at once. There’s the hot tag to Neidhart and house is cleaned. Owen dives onto Kato before a Rocket Launcher gets the pin on Tanaka.

Rating: B-. Decent match here but it felt like they were trying to do the same match that worked so well in 1991. The problem was the Express wasn’t anything that good anymore and the team was gone almost immediately after this. Either way, the match wasn’t bad and it’s fine for an opener. The New Foundation never quite did anything until 1994 when Owen was a heel.

We get a clip from the house show where Mountie won the IC Title from Bret. Post match he kept beating on Bret but Roddy Piper came out for the save.

Jimmy and Mountie brag about winning the title. Mountie is ready for Piper tonight.

Piper is ready for Mountie and tells Mountie to just try to take his manhood.

Intercontinental Title: Roddy Piper vs. The Mountie

Piper slowly removes his kilt and Mountie cracks jokes. When the champ turns his head, Piper shoves the kilt in his face and takes over quickly. We head to the floor with Mountie quickly reeling. Back in the ring and Mountie chokes a bit before getting punched in the face. A very delayed bulldog puts Mountie down and Piper easily wins a slugout. He misses a dropkick though and Mountie puts on a half nelson. A jumping back elbow gets two for Mountie as does a sunset flip for Piper. Piper atomic drops him to the apron but Mountie skins the cat. He also collides with Jimmy Hart and the sleeper gives Piper the title.

Rating: D. The match itself sucked but there was never any doubt about this match at all. Mountie is about as textbook a definition of a transitional champion as you’ll ever see and the place went NUTS when Piper won the title. This would be Piper’s only singles title in the WWF and his only title period (other than those before he got to the WWF in the first place) until he won the US Title in WCW for less than two weeks.

Hogan says he has no friends in the Rumble tonight. He talks to Lord Alfred Hayes about tea because Hayes is British and that’s about it.

The Bushwhackers and Jamison…..oh geez it’s him. This is one of the most annoying characters in wrestling history. He’s supposed to be the ultimate nerd, with a nasal voice, taped up glasses, a suit that doesn’t fit, and every other stereotype you can think of. Oh and he smells like sardines apparently. Let’s get this over with.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

This is more about the managers (Genius and Jamison respectively) more than the teams. Jamison chews on his tie as the Whackers do their arm thing to the audience. The Whackers lick each other and Jamison pulls out a roll for a snack. One of the Beverlies slaps Butch in the head so the Beverlies get chased to the floor. We FINALLY get started with Blake vs. Luke with the blonde (the Beverlies) in control.

The Beverly gets bitten on the tights and the Whackers clear the ring again. Jamison throws bread at Genius as the match stalls again. Now Jamison blows his nose in his sock. The fans don’t care at all here. Beau comes in now to beat on Butch but for the third time in like five minutes the Whackers clear the ring again. The Beverlies try to sneak up on the Whackers but keep getting chased off.

Double teaming to Luke’s back finally gets us down to a match, but let’s keep the camera on Jamison. Jamison keeps chewing on his tie as this keeps up the dullness. A guillotine gets two on Luke as we hit the highlight of the match. No seriously, other than that it’s been “comedy” and punching. Genius slaps Jamison to no reaction from anyone at all. A neckbreaker and legdrop hit Luke for no cover. Luke gets away with a move that I’m too bored to remember and it’s off to Butch. Things break down and Beau hits a top rope ax handle on Butch for the pin.

Rating: T. As in The Worst Match In Rumble History. Literally. Up to this point the Rumble has had some dull matches but this was absolutely horrible. There’s nothing of value here at all and it went on for FIFTEEN MINUTES. The Beverlies weren’t even over so this just kept going and going without ever getting anywhere. Absolutely terrible.

Jamison kicks Genius in the shin post match in another moment that gets no reaction.

The LOD says they’ll still have the belts after tonight and the Disasters’ tongues will be hanging out like dead deer. Did I mention Hawk was pretty insane at this point?

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. Natural Disasters

LOD is defending here. Typhoon (formerly Tugboat) and Hawk start things off. They collide a few times with no one going anywhere so Hawk goes up and takes Typhoon down with a top rope clothesline. Off to Quake who Hawk can’t hurt either. A dropkick doesn’t have any effect so Hawk convinces Quake to try one of his own. Guess how well that one goes. Off to Animal for a slugout which is a draw.

Animal starts hitting the ropes and speeds WAY up before they hit a double clothesline to put both guys down. Animal picks up Quake for a slam but can’t turn him over, giving Quake two. Off to Typhoon who gets kicked in the face and clotheslined down. Back to the Bird Man as we get a lot more of the collisions that went over so well earlier. Typhoon finally takes him down and Hawk is in trouble via a lot of back pain.

It’s time for the hallmark of any power match: the bearhug. Quake comes back in and walks over Hawk a few times. Back to the bearhug for a little more time killing until it’s finally back to Animal. Everybody brawls to the floor and it’s a lame double countout. Oh wait Typhoon got back in so the Disasters win. Sure why not.

Rating: D. I love the LOD but this match sucked. At the end of the day, this was the totally wrong matchup for them as their entire offense revolved around throwing people around. This was around the time when Hawk was literally on the verge of a breakdown every day but Vince couldn’t quite convince then to drop the titles, until they did it on a house show which was never aired because LOD didn’t want to lose their heat. It was a different time to say the least.

The Disasters and Hart yell in the back a lot.

Roddy Piper is all fired up about winning the title and dedicates the win to his son Colt. He wants the world title now.

We get a clip from the Barber Shop incident where Shawn turned heel, igniting his singles push in the greatest team split ever.

Ric Flair says he drew #3 but when your name is Ric Flair, that’s not a problem. This is a Coliseum Video exclusive so Heenan doesn’t know yet.

Time for the interviews from people in the Rumble: Savage, Sid, Repo Man, Bulldog, Roberts, Flair (with Perfect talking with him too. You know, because Flair needs someone to talk for him), Undertaker (Bearer talks for him a bit too) and Hogan.

We get a statement from the biggest waste of oxygen that has ever been a boss in wrestling, Jack Tunney. He basically says the winner of this (he forgets the name of the Rumble) is the world champion. As he’s talking, here’s a recap of the title situation. Taker beat Hogan for the title at Survivor Series but Flair interfered. Hogan got a rematch about a week later but also kind of cheated to win it back. The title was vacated and put up for grabs in this year’s Rumble, making it by far the biggest Rumble of all time up to that point.

Royal Rumble

Davey Boy Smith is #1 and DiBiase is #2. The slugout is on quickly with Bulldog pounding away but getting sent to the apron. DiBiase stops paying attention and doesn’t realize that Smith didn’t hit the floor. A clothesline is enough to get rid of DiBiase and leave Bulldog alone in the ring. In at #3: Ric Flair. Heenan: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” Gorilla starts listing off stats about how Flair has no chance and Heenan explodes. He says he can’t be objective and you can hear Gorilla roll his eyes.

The gorilla press puts Flair down but he pokes Smith in the eyes to get a breather. It’s only temporary though as Davey clotheslines him down. Jerry Sags is #4 and HE BE CLUBBERIN TONY!!! Smith gets double teamed as Heenan is trying to figure out how long Flair would have to be in the match. Smith comes back with a double clothesline and knocks Sags out. Notice how they’re keeping the ring emptier here, which is a very good change from the 1991 version.

Haku is #5 and he immediately goes after Smith. Flair goes after Haku, sending Heenan into another fit. “HAVE YOU GONE NUTS???” Flair heads to the floor under the rope as Haku hits a piledriver on Smith. Flair goes after Haku again and hits the knee drop. Haku pounds on Ric in the corner but Smith tosses the Tongan. Shawn Michaels is #6 and he starts firing away punches to Flair. A superkick drops Flair and a gorilla press drops Shawn. I’ll let you guess who slammed Michaels.

Flair comes back to drop both guys as Heenan wants a drink. His panic in every line he says is great stuff. Shawn gets caught on the ropes and crotched, followed by Davey throwing him to the apron. Tito Santana is #7 as we get down to a decent tag match, another Rumble tradition. Flair gets Smith to the apron but Tito saves. In far less than two minutes, it’s Barbarian at #8. Heenan: “He doesn’t like anybody. When I managed him he barely liked me!”

Things slow down a bit as Davey keeps getting sent to the apron. Flair tries to dump Tito and Shawn at the same time but can’t get either guy out. Texas Tornado is #9 and Heenan is losing it. “THEY JUST KEEP GETTING BIGGER!” Von Erich goes right after Flair before shifting over to Michaels. Smith slingshots Michaels, who has to jump a LONG way to get to the buckle.

Santana stomps on Flair as Repo Man is #10. Santana hits a cross body on Barbarian and Flair hits Tornado with LOUD chops. Valentine is #11 and he gets in a chopping match with Flair. Shawn is literally hanging on by his feet. Nikolai Volkoff is #12 (Heenan: “A 320lb Lithuanian!” but Repo Man dumps him in about a minute. Apparently he was a sub for Jannetty after the window thing. That makes more sense. While that’s going on, Valentine has Flair in the Figure Four to send Heenan into a new level of panic.

The Boss Man is #13 and he punches everyone in sight. Valentine is out and Shawn starts his goofy selling. Boss Man throws out Repo Man, giving us a current grouping of Von Erich, Michaels, Boss Man, Haku, Santana, Smith and Flair. Flair backdrops Smith out and does the same to Von Erich in just a few seconds. Hercules is #14 as Santana and Shawn eliminate each other.

Barbarian helps Flair with Boss Man, so Flair turns on Barbarian because he, you know, Flair. Hercules dumps Barbarian so Flair dumps Hercules. It’s Boss Man and Flair alone now as Heenan needs oxygen. Boss Man hits a spin kick of all things and a right hand, but misses a charge and eliminates himself. Heenan: “FLAIR WINS!”

Piper is #15 and the crowd is right back into this. We’re clearly into the second stage now and Heenan LOSES IT. Piper backdrops him down and they head to the floor for a bit. Back in and Piper goes old school with an airplane spin, making Bobby want to cry. There’s the sleeper but Jake Roberts is #16. This is when he’s pure evil so the crowd goes into a hush. Jake sits in the corner as Flair is still in the sleeper.

Roberts finally breaks up the hold and works over Piper before hitting the short clothesline o Flair. Piper breaks up the DDT (Heenan: “Oh thank you Piper. It’s not a skirt, it’s a kilt!”) and Flair puts Jake in the Figure Four, only to have Piper stomp away on Ric (Heenan: “YOU NO GOOD DIRTY SKUNK! IT IS A SKIRT!”). Jim Duggan is #17 and he immediately goes after Flair in the corner.

Jake atomic drops Duggan to put all four guys on the mat for a breather. IRS is #18 and he too goes after Flair. Duggan grabs IRS by the tie (Heenan: “He’s got him by the tongue!”) and pounds away. Duggan saves Piper for no apparent reason and Flair gets beaten up some more. Snuka is #19 and for some reason he saves Flair. Snuka headbutts Duggan which has no effect on either guy of course. Flair, ever the grateful guy, pokes Snuka in the eye.

Piper chops Flair half to death in the corner and the Undertaker is #20. At the moment we’ve got Taker, Flair, Piper, Snuka, IRS, Roberts and Duggan in the ring. Taker immediately knocks out Snuka, so Flair goes after the Dead Man. Heenan: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???” Duggan goes over to Taker and is immediately kicked in the balls. We get one of the major clock issues that would happen throughout the match, as Gorilla says Flair has been in there over 42 minutes. The whole match hasn’t even gone 38 yet and Flair didn’t even start. This will get stretched even farther later.

IRS goes to the middle rope for some reason but hops down a few seconds later. Taker grabs Duggan and Flair by the throat as Randy Savage is #21. Roberts immediately hides on the floor until Taker decks Savage. Randy ducks Jake’s short clothesline and ERUPTS on him, eliminating Roberts via a high knee. Savage screws up by jumping over the top to get to Roberts. Taker goes to the floor and throws him back in, but Savage goes after Jake again. The ruling is that Savage wasn’t thrown to the floor so he’s still in. Ignore Andre eliminating himself in 1989 of course.

Flair comes back with a low blow on Taker which has zero effect at all. Berzerker is #22 and we’ve got IRS, Berzerker, Duggan, Savage, Flair, Piper and Undertaker. Berzerker hits a choke bomb on Savage as Virgil is #23. Everyone goes into one corner of the ring for some reason, with Flair chopping at Taker like a schmuck. Colonel Mustafa (Iron Sheik) is #24. Things slow down a bit as we need someone to come in and clear things out. Rick Martel is #25 and he pounds on the other Ric in the corner.

Savage dumps Mustafa and gets chokes by Taker for his efforts. Hogan is #26 (does he EVER get a bad number?) and he goes right for Taker and Flair. Heenan starts bargaining with God as Martel is sent through the ropes to the floor. Hogan clotheslines Taker out and dumps Berzerker as well. Duggan and Virgil put each other out as the ring clears up a lot. Skinner is #27, giving us Skinner, Hogan, Flair, Piper, Savage, Martel and IRS.

Hogan puts Flair on the apron as Heenan wants another drink. A clothesline puts Flair down again and Sgt. Slaughter is #28. Someone dumps Skinner as Flair officially gets the Rumble record. Sure why not. Sid Justice is #29 and he goes for IRS. Flair pounds on Hogan before shifting over to Sid. Flair pulls Sid to the mat but Sid nips up and clotheslines him down. Warlord is #30, giving us a final grouping of Martel, Piper, Hogan, Flair, Savage, Sid, Slaughter, IRS and Warlord.

Hogan and Flair fight on the floor with Flair getting suplexed. Slaughter gets eliminated by Sid and Hogan kicks Flair down. Piper is sent to the apron by IRS but Piper grabs the tie to eliminate the tax dude. Hogan Hulks Up on Flair but stops to eliminate Warlord with Sid’s help. Justice dumps Martel and Piper, giving us a final four of Savage, Flair, Hogan and Sid. That’s quite a group.

Sid tosses Savage and Flair tries to chop Hogan in the corner because that’s what Ric Flair does. In a famous ending, Hogan punches Flair to the apron but as he’s dumping Ric out, Sid comes up from behind to dump Hulk. Hogan grabs Sid’s arm, allowing Flair to come up from behind and dump Justice, giving Flair the title and send Bobby into orgasmic bliss.

Rating: A. This is Ric Flair’s coming out party in the WWF and it worked perfectly. There are a few down parts to it and while the 1990 edition was more consistently exciting and had a better overall structure, this was all about drama. It also helps that the match actually meant something, as the title was officially on the line. Excellent Rumble and a true surprise to see Flair win the title.

Sid and Hogan have a shoving match post match, setting up their match at Wrestlemania.

Jack Tunney presents an exhausted Flair with the title in the back. Flair gives a victory speech, saying this is the greatest moment in his life. He says this is the only title that means you’re the best in the world and Heenan gushes some more.

Overall Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade because the stuff before the Rumble is HORRIBLE. The Rumble however is a masterpiece with Flair and it more than saves the show. There’s nothing else on the card that you would want to watch, other than maybe the Piper title win if you’re a big fan of the guy. Other than that though, there’s nothing to see here other than the Rumble itself.

Ratings Comparison

New Foundation vs. Orient Express

Original: C+

Redo: B-

Roddy Piper vs. Mountie

Original: B

Redo: D

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwhackers

Original: F-

Redo: T (For The Worst Match In Rumble History)

Natural Disasters vs. Legion of Doom

Original: D

Redo: D

Royal Rumble

Original: A+

Redo: A

Overall Rating

Original: B

Redo: B

Other than Piper, this is almost the same set of ratings.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/11/royal-rumble-count-up-1992/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1992
Date: January 19, 1992
Location: Knickerbocker Arena, Albany, New York
Attendance: 17,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan

Oh yes. OH YES. This right here is in mine and several other people’s opinion, the best Rumble of all time, and there is one man to thank for that: Ric Flair. Yes, the Nature Boy himself has arrived to save the company after WCW did the absolute dumbest thing of all time and allowed him to just walk into the open arms of Vince. Without going into the whole rant which is in my Survivor Series 1991 review, Flair was more or less told that he would become a completely new character or be fired.

Flair actually had a brain and realized he could be a main event star in WWF at a moment’s notice and that’s exactly what he did. The icing on the pizza (delicious, you should try it someday) was that he had legal possession of the NWA World Title belt, the one that is currently known as the World Heavyweight Championship. This led to Heenan showing up on WWF Television with the NWA Title.

The look on Gorilla and Neidhart’s faces were so priceless I don’t even know where to start. That would be like John Cena showing up on Impact. To say it was huge was an understatement as it rocked the wrestling world. Anyway, Flair claimed that he was the real world’s champion and helped Taker steal the world title at Survivor Series. Hogan threw the urn’s ashes at Taker and rolled him up to steal the title back.

Based on all that insanity, Jack Tunney vacated the title. We’ve had no champion in about two months here, and there just happens to be a huge battle royal coming up. So therefore, in one of the only things that Tunney EVER got right, he makes the 1992 Royal Rumble for the WWF Title. OH YES! Tell me that doesn’t sound completely awesome. For the entire build up to this, Heenan kept saying this is Flair’s chance to show that he’s the best.

Remember that, as it’s one of the most important things to the show. The only bad thing about this is that we have to put up with the rest of the card before we get to the Rumble. Dang I’m looking forward to this. Let’s go.

Naturally we go over half the entrants to the Rumble first. I like being surprised better though, but whatever. We hear that the Mountie took the IC Title from Hart over the weekend, which was simply done so we could save Hart vs. Piper for Mania.

Orient Express vs. New Foundation

The New Foundation is comprised of Owen and Neidhart. We get our first WILL YOU BE SERIOUS from Gorilla so I’m happy. This is the era of the baggy pants which were just flat out odd in my eyes. We hear about the substitutions. Brian Knobbs has a bad shoulder so he’s replaced by Haku. Jannetty is out as well. Something about a bad haircut I believe, and he’s replaced by Nikolai Volkoff. My goodness what a terrifying concept of a match that is.

Something tells me that this isn’t going to be as good as the other version of this match that had the Rockers in it last year. So far I’m right. We’re already doing far too much mat work here. In something you don’t see that often, the faces dominate the at least opening half of this thing. Ok, they’ve dominated most of this. The ending must be coming soon right? I mean it hasn’t been a bad match but they’ve had ten minutes already.

With guys like the Rockers going a long time is fine, but Anvil? Something doesn’t connect there. Tanaka is wearing a black shirt in here for no apparent reason. Naturally the commentators won’t shut up about the Rumble, which at least makes sense here. It does guarantee a new world champion, so at least there’s a reason to talk about it nonstop. After some interference (shocking I say, SHOCKING!) from Fuji, the Express take over.

This match is running long, and they’re in the deadly territory of being long for the sake of being long. That is never a good thing. The match is ok, but I don’t think it needs this much time. Finally we have the hot tag to Anvil, and the Rocket Launcher ends this one.

Rating: C+. This was a decent match, but there was no way this should have gone on this long. Last year’s stuff was great as they just went out there and went insane, but here it was Owen against two other guys and then a hot tag to Anvil. That’s fine for something like a ten minute match, but this didn’t do it for me. Again, not a bad match by any means, but it just didn’t work, at least in my eyes.

Alfred Hayes talks about Bret’s loss at a house show where he (kayfabe) had a 100+ degree fever. This was I think two or three days prior to the Rumble. Somehow this sets up Piper against Mountie. We get a long clip from the show. They really need to show more stuff from house shows as they’re a great way to save some TV time and still advance the shows. Oh apparently Piper came in for the save for Hart and Mountie beat him up, setting the match up. That makes sense at least.

Mountie says he’ll win.

Piper says he’ll win, but in a much funnier way.

Intercontinental Title: Mountie vs. Roddy Piper

The idea here is that Piper has never won a title, but can win two tonight. This is really just a formality as I don’t think anyone believed there was a chance in Mountie retaining. This is more or less the height of Piper’s face run as he’s been feuding with Flair for awhile. He’s living proof that you don’t need a title to be a major star. The pop is great here as he’s just massively over. Piper stars off hot here, beating Mountie up with relative ease.

Heenan is hilarious, plain and simple. He’s panicking over what number Flair has and is desparate to get to the back and find out, coming up with great ways to have to go check. He offers to go get a diet drink for Monsoon. It’s a lot funnier than it sounds. Why do I love the jumping back elbow so much? It just looks awesome. Hart interferes but Piper is FAR too smart for that. He hooks a sleeper about as casually as you can imagine and gets his first title.

He uses the shock stick afterwards which still sounds like a doorbell. The celebration is great here, as Piper really was over to say the least. He didn’t win another belt until a few years ago with Flair, but this was great. He deserved a belt, even though he didn’t need one. It’s a cool moment though.

Rating: B. The match was a complete squash but it was never about the match. This was giving Piper something for his years of work and that’s just fine. He would go on to have a great match with Bret at Mania, so there we go. This was a cool moment and that’s all it was supposed to be.

Hayes completely barges into Hogan’s locker room and asks for an interview. To be fair, at least he gives him one. He says he has no friends in the Rumble today. He’s off steroids here as his look is completely changing.

The Bushwackers say they have a surprise for the Beverly Sisters. Apparently they’re going to feed them to Jameson. Jameson was this nerd character that was just bad.

Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwackers

Still I wonder how these guys had jobs. My guess for this is a comedy match. That scares me to death. The Genius is managing the Beverlies here. Gorilla says that the Bushwackers have been licking their way through the competition. That line speaks for itself. The match gets going as Jameson has a sandwich. No one has ever gotten the point of this guy, so naturally he kept going on and on. This just goes on and on.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Luke and Butch actually did something. All they’re doing is going to the ropes after some bare bones offense and shouting to the crowd. The heels aren’t much help either as they’re just not that good. We are LIVE! I guess even the camera guy couldn’t take watching this for such a long time. I can’t say I blame him. This is just going on FAR too long here and nothing at all of note is happening.

It’s just generic stuff that isn’t interesting at all. They’re just beating on each other with no rhyme or reason. Oh and Jameson is nervous. That’s all there is here but it just keeps going. The fans are more or less dead here too. After literally almost 15 minutes, the Beverlies win it. Oh but wait! Jameson has to do something stupid! Apparently he doesn’t like the Genius so he kicks him in the shin. Yep, that’s about it.

Rating: F-. Do I even need to explain this?

Gene is with the LOD, who are the tag champions here. They just say they’re not afraid of the Natural Disasters. Hawk does have a good line where he says the Disasters want to throw their weight around. That’s ok, because the LOD want to throw the Natural Disasters’ weight around too.

Tag Titles: Legion of Doom vs. Natural Disasters

This is tag match #3 out of 4 matches. The Rumble is next, thank goodness. This undercard has been crap in every sense of the word. The matches aren’t interesting and other than Piper vs. Mountie, nothing of note has happened. I mean really, Owen and Neidhart vs. two jobbers and jobbers fighting jobbers. How interesting does that sound? At least this should be kind of fun at least. LOD’s pop is great.

Naturally this is mainly just a strength contest to begin with. Dang it with the stupid formula stuff all night long. I can almost call out the match as it goes. It’s just generic stuff that power guys do with the Disasters taking control for most of the match. Why should I be interested in this? In short, I’m not, and I like these teams. Here’s the comeback. Yeah, I really don’t care about this. That’s the problem with a huge match like the Rumble for the title closing the show.

Also the talent is all in the main event so no one is interested in something like this. The good thing is that the Rumble should be pretty star studded. Oh come on. A freaking COUNT OUT??? That’s how we end this? We don’t event get a solid ending after having to sit through that? I’m already annoyed and that’s what I get for it? Freaking bad booking there and it got no reaction at all. When the LOD get no reaction, you can tell there’s no interest at all. The Disasters won by the way.

Rating: D. This just feels like a bad house show so far. I mean really, the IC Title changing hands is the only thing on the whole show so far worth mentioning and that was a five minute squash. As for this match, it was just boring. This was like a trailer for a future match. It didn’t work at all and I wasn’t interested in it. Factor in that I’m a big fan of the LOD and the Disasters so this was a great sounding match to me, yet it falls flat. This show has sucked so far, and it has sucked HARD.

Sean is with the Natural Disasters. He must have been wearing Eau de Twinkie or something to get them back there that fast. They say they should be champions because they won. That’s actually a good argument: they beat the champions in a title match. That sounds to me like a title change. All it means is the feud continues. Thanks for that.

Piper is FIRED UP over winning the IC Title. He’s even more insane than usual. If you don’t believe that wrestlers use cocaine, find a copy of this interview and I guarantee your view will change. He dedicates it to Colt, without saying who that is. It’s his son. I like that. It was really quick and didn’t come off as cheesy at all. Roddy Piper being quick and simple. You’ll never hear that again.

Sean is with Shawn Michaels who is freshly heel turned. It’s a week after the Barber Shop, which we recap so this is the first televised Shawn appearance as a heel. We get a replay of it, and Heenan saying that Shawn doesn’t need Jannetty is awesome. Shawn is about the level of Chris Masters if he’s lucky here, so this is the epitome of filler.

Back then, the implication that Shawn could win the world title was absurd. Now it’s a legit possibility if he’s every wrestling for it. He’s a textbook example of someone rising through the ranks, so keep an eye on people you see. You’ll never know what they could become.

Hayes is with Flair in what must be an intermission. That makes sense. With the Rumble coming up, you want to give the people a chance to get popcorn or a burger or a Coke or something like that. For once, I agree with that idea. Flair says he was #3. This was for the home video release as no one ever said what number they had.

Flair cuts a generic promo with a chipped tooth. That looks odd. You can tell he is excited though despite how calm he looks. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: Flair in his prime was as good as anyone else, plain and simple.

Savage says that he’s won the title before and he can do it again.

Sid, who was rapidly becoming a major force in the company a la Batista in 2005, says that he’ll be champion.

Repo “Smash” Man says that he could take the title. If you ever want to see someone that has gone from one gimmick to another with such smoothness, look right here.

British Bulldog, who was the real dark horse for the title here, won a battle royal in London so he’s got some recent experience in these matches. It sucks that he never got the title because I think he could have been a solid transitional guy. He certainly had the power for it and that powerslam could beat anyone.

As Jake and I discussed once though, there was never really a time for him to do that, other than maybe beating Diesel at Great White North, but even then I don’t know if it would have worked. He was really awesome though.

Jake says he’ll get what he wants. He would be gone by Spring.

Flair and Perfect say Flair will win. Perfect comes off like a television pitch man here and it works really well in a weird way. Flair’s promo here is in his over the top style and it works like an absolute charm. This was a combination that was so awesome it’s unreal.

The just about to turn face Undertaker says he’ll win the title again atop a pile of carnage.

Hogan says that today he gets to prove a point. Amazingly, there are the slightest heel tones here. That could never happen, could it? More on that later.

And now it’s FINALLY time for the Rumble. Heenan is nearly hyperventilating. This has me hyped despite how bad the earlier stuff was. Shut up Howard! I want my Rumble! Oh there we go. OH BLAST IT it’s freaking Jack Tunney. The booing is about as audible as you could imagine. This guy is just annoying.

I think he forgets the name of the match. He tries to say it and then calls it this event. Even Heenan is shouting to get this going. Tunney was annoying as hall. After another request for Heenan to be serious, it’s time to get going at last.

Royal Rumble

Bulldog is in at #1. Heenan is absolutely hilarious here with how worried he is. DiBiase is in second and someone actually has a Sherri shirt. I didn’t know they even made those. This isn’t a bad way to start: a pair of guys that should be in the Hall of Fame. DiBiase hits the ring and we’re off immediately. The beauty of the format they have this year is that there’s automatically a story in there with the title on the line.

Gorilla says that DiBiase has been very successful in Rumbles as of late. As of late? There’s one a year, so as of late equals the last two years I guess. Not to mention DiBiase didn’t even wrestle in the 91 Rumble but rather in a tag match. So in other words, doing well as of late now means that two years ago he got about two thirds of the way through. Heenan points out that someone should just hit the floor and kill time, which is actually a very smart thing to do and perfectly legal.

They establish early on that Martel holds the Iron Man record, so that more or less guarantees that it’ll be broken or heavily challenged. They mention that Luke has the record for shortest time, which is incorrect as he was in there nearly twice as long as Warlord. My goodness I’m a geek. DiBiase is out in less than two minutes as Bulldog hits a dropkick to be all alone. Flair is third and I have to rewind it a few times to get Bobby’s reaction again. He PANICS.

Gorilla says Brain can kiss it goodbye. This sets the stage for the rest of the match as we all know that it’s going to be the Flair Show here, so let’s see what we’ve got. For one thing he’s rocking the black robe that’s always been my favorite. He’s strutting early so you know this is going to be good. The atmosphere here is off the charts. Heenan and Gorilla are stealing the show though with their commentary as Heenan is panicking and Monsoon is needling him for all he’s worth.

Smith gets Flair to the apron but doesn’t watch him hit the floor. Dang he’s got to stop doing that. Jerry Sags of the Nasty Boys is 4. Sags jumps Smith, and in the words of Dusty Rhodes, “HE BE CLUBBERIN! AND HE’S GOT A BICYCLE!” Smith puts Sags out with the same move he used on DiBiase so we’re back down to Flair and Smith. Gorilla says that all’s fair in the Rumble. I need to mark that down as I’m sure he’ll contradict that later on.

Out fifth is Haku, Heenan’s old client. He goes right for Smith, which leads to a brief double team. Flair goes for Haku and gets chased to the floor. You can see Flair planning everything he does as he’s being the sneaky master and playing it to the hilt. He goes to Haku’s head with a knee drop which as I’m coming up with a joke Heenan points out that it won’t hurt Haku. He’s a very proud Samoan stereotype.

After Haku beats on Flair even more, Smith dumps him with relative ease. HBK is in at 6, as Gorilla gets in another great line with “Some guys hate Flair more than others.” HBK has connections with both guys in there so that’s actually rather interesting. Michaels hits a crescent kick to Flair as it’s years away from having a name yet. Flair pops up almost, but to be fair it looked like he got his hands up.

Smith puts Shawn to the apron and DOESN’T MAKE SURE HE HITS THE FLOOR! My goodness you would think he would have learned his lesson for three years later. Shawn goes for the kick on Smith but it literally doesn’t make contact with his head at all. The way the camera is set up couldn’t have been worse as you can clearly see the foot going over Smith’s shoulder.

He sells it more than Flair did though so there we are. Heenan is looking for a drink with a kick. He’s really the highlight of this match not named Flair. Shawn gets crotched on the top rope in a spot that never gets old. Santana is in at seven in his El Matador gimmick.

He goes for Flair as Bobby is screaming for Perfect to get out here. So far, seven guys and seven champions. That’s pretty awesome actually. Actually, all seven guys were at one time in their WWF/E careers, tag team champions. That’s quite impressive I’d say.

Flair gets his first low blow in of the match on Smith which Heenan doesn’t even deny. You know this is a big match based on that alone. Heenan says he’d do that to his grandmother if he had to. That’s just hilarious. The Flying Jalapeno puts Flair down as Barbarian comes in to break the tag champions streak. How did he still have a job at this point? Gorilla points out in a near creepy tone that Barbarian doesn’t like Flair either. He’s the jobber I guess.

Texas Tornado, who beat Flair for the world title back in I think 84 is in at number 9. Flair goes right after him to renew their rivalry. Von Erich was pure jobber here as he hadn’t meant a thing in about a year and a half at this point. Heenan points out his old strategy of bringing in a big wrench and beating people with it to win. That’s either brilliant or cause for a citizen’s arrest. At number ten, stealing the single digit monopoly is the Repo Man. WOW that joke sucked.

His comedy here is impressive, especially considering at one time he eliminated Andre the Freaking Giant from the Rumble. Heenan points out an interesting thing: why should Repo run to the ring? Why not avoid some punishment? That’s actually really smart. I’d do it. Slide in the ring then slide back out and go out into the crowd or something then climb in at the end. Stupid kayfabe messing stuff up.

Greg the Jobber Valentine is in at 11. He and Flair know each other pretty well too. It amazes me how many people Flair has interacted with over the years. That’s very impressive. Think of it like this: Taker has been around forever right? He needs another ten years to be around as long as Flair, and he’ll likely be gone in five years. Michaels is literally holding on by a single foot which would become his trademark.

In at 12 is the 320lb Lithuanian Nikolai Volkoff! For some reason that’s a popular line that I’ve just never gotten but it originated here. Still, only Barbarian has never been WWF/E tag champion of the entrants so far. For no reason whatsoever, Valentine puts Flair in the Figure Four as Volkoff is thrown out. Gee thanks for coming Nicky. Boss Man, rapidly approaching jobberville, breaks the Rumble into its teen angst years by being number 13.

He just punches the tar out of everyone, namely Flair. Valentine is tossed pretty easily. Repo is thrown with ease as Boss Man is clearing the ring which was desperately needed. Flair surprisingly back drops both Smith and Von Erich out with relative ease. Those came out of nowhere. That leaves us with Flair, Santana, Shawn, Boss Man and Barbarian in case you were wondering.

Shawn and Santana eliminate each other to set up their forgettable Mania match as Hercules is in at 14 and hammers on Flair. Flair high fives Barbarian and then chops him to send Heenan to his 10th heart attack of the match. Barbarian tries to dump Flair, but Hercules dumps Barbarian and gets dumped by Boss Man, leaving us with the cop and Flair. Well I’ll give them this: there haven’t been any dead spots.

Flair hits nearly 30 minutes as Boss Man does some weird martial arts thing. Flair throws him out with ease again as Heenan says that’s enough and Flair should be world champion. We get to the end of the first half with Roddy freaking Piper! The fans are freaking here as they hit the floor through the middle rope. Piper is hammering him. Flair hits an atomic drop but gets the Three Stooges eye poke for his troubles.

Piper goes WAY old school with the Airplane Spin, the finisher of Gorilla Monsoon himself to set up a sleeper. Now this strikes me as odd. Piper beat Mountie with a sleeper after beating on him for about four minutes and Mountie was out like a light. Flair has been out there for about 30 minutes and he can stand a longer sleeper than Mountie who was 5 minutes removed from being fresh? Does that just sound odd to you?

In another weird looking thing, Piper knocks Flair out with it and then picks him up and puts it back on him. Well ok then. Jake is in at 16 but wisely just sits back and lets Piper beat on Flair. That’s really smart when you think about it. Why should he risk getting thrown out or use any energy? That’s what people mean when they talk about wrestling psychology. Anyway he jumps Piper from behind as Heenan is all of a sudden a Jake fan. I love Heenan.

Jake starts the DDT sequence on Flair and Heenan actually thanks Piper for the save. Literally seconds later, he’s calling Piper a no good skirt wearing freak. Bobby really is cracking me up here. Seventeenth is Jim Duggan who gets a pop and a half. What is the appeal of this guy? I’ve yet to see him not get a huge ovation. Gorilla admits that he’s impressed by Flair.

With Flair on his stomach, Heenan says he’s on his feet. I guess you can’t always be awesome. IRS is in at 18th as this match is going really fast for some reason. He more or less beats on everyone and gets his tie pulled. Now that’s just not that neighborly. Nineteenth is Snuka who is about as much of a jobber as you could ask for at this point. He just had been passed by and it’s a shame considering how innovative he really was.

Also he needs to wear the short tights as they just work better for him. Gorilla and Heenan go over the big names remaining and Heenan panics some more to give me yet another great laugh. Gorilla slips up though and says that the big names get preferential treatment. Oh that’s not going to go over well with Vince at all. I can picture the screaming he’ll be doing. Granted I’d need to turn up the volume to hear but the visual is awesome.

We crack the top 20 with the Deadman who is just about to go face as I mentioned above. He’s also got Paul Bearer now so things look as normal as they can with him. There goes Snuka and he’s on Flair now. Heenan is just gone at this point, screaming that it’s over and he has nothing left. Taker actually goes low to stop Duggan. That’s not something you see very often at all. The twenty first guy is Savage to a solid pop.

There is some amazing talent in there. Jake runs for his life of course as he continues to has such a mastery of the psychology. A high knee from Savage takes him out though and in a moment of insanity he jumps over the top and takes out Roberts. They make a last second save though and say that he jumped himself so he’s still in, which contradicts everything they’ve ever said as far as rules go so there we go.

I’ve always wondered what would happen if someone screwed up that was supposed to win and got thrown out by mistake. It would be interesting if nothing else. Taker and Savage are going at it. That’s a very interesting match indeed. Piper and Duggan are kind of hard to tell apart. It’s annoying. Gorilla is surprised that Flair is fighting, which means low blows and punches but whatever.

Berserker is in at 22 as we’re really getting close to the ending here. You can tell Heenan is nervous as he says that Flair should weasel his way out. That’s amusing on many levels. 23 is…Virgil. Well I guess they had to have a few jobbers in there. We get the old standard of jokes as Brain says that Virgil took the gold belt and had it bronzed. Granted that’s a smart idea considering it would be very rare.

Taker is choking Flair. There’s really not a lot going on here as it’s just a lot of basic stuff. However they’re managing to keep it interesting which is hard to do. Piper beats on Virgil, his former student. Twenty four is Colonel Mustafa, who has a job despite the war having been over for a year now.

Vince, learn how to drop a gimmick when you need to. That’s a very important life lesson. For some reason Monsoon calls Flair Martel twice in a row and isn’t corrected. WE ARE LIVE! To make things even more confusing, Martel is #25. He’s naturally a heel here and goes right for Flair for no apparent reason other than logic. Savage throws Mustafa out to no reaction at all.

It’s Hogan in at 26 to set the arena on fire. He grabs Taker and Flair so there we go. Hogan takes out Taker with a clothesline and then backdrops Berserker out about three seconds later to clear the ring out a bit. That’s good too as it was really needed at that point. Virgil and Duggan eliminate each other so we’re four men lighter than we were a second ago.

Make that three as Skinner is here at 27. Hogan has Flair up and Bobby starts crying in perhaps the funniest part of the match yet which is saying a lot. He starts praying which has me cracking up despite having watched this match at least 10 times. He again pleads for a drink as he sounds like an AA dropout. Quick recap: Flair, Hogan, Skinner, Piper, Martel, IRS and Savage and they’re joined by Sgt. Slaughter.

That means there are ten guys possible that can win. Martel puts Skinner out to a yawn from most people. Hogan and Piper go at it and all things are right with the world again. Flair has set the Iron Man record, which Bobby says is good enough to make him champion. 29th is Sid Justice who is a major face at this time. That means that thirty will be Warlord for no reason at all. Flair is still on offense which is pretty cool.

There’s Warlord and for some bad reason, Flair goes to the top. I wish Heenan noticed it too as it would be great. He and Hogan are on the floor now and Flair takes a suplex. Ok, so the final guys are Flair, Hogan, Piper, Martel, IRS, Savage, Slaughter, Sid and Warlord. There goes Slaughter so we’re doing to 8. Since I just reviewed Wrestling Classic an hour or so ago, I smell a bad tournament! In a very funny moment, Piper is in trouble from IRS but he grabs the tie and eliminates him with it.

That’s great stuff. Hogan Hulks Up after a chop and Flair is scared to death. Hogan and Sid easily dump Warlord, which for some reason surprises Gorilla. Ok then. Sid dumps Martel and Piper to get us down to Hogan, Flair, Sid and Savage. That’s a pretty good final four. Savage is gone and we’re at three. Hulk Hulks Up again. Flair can’t do the Flair Flip which is impressive since he’s worked this long.

Hogan is dumped from out of nowhere by Sid and the ending is clear now. Hogan screams that Sid stole his belt and grabs his arm. Flair sneaks up behind him and throws him out to win the title. Bobby’s orgasm could flood the whole state of New York. Hogan keeps going after Sid on the floor to make sure that no one but him gets the spotlight. Heenan says yes 32 times inside of a minute. That’s impressive.

Rating: A+. This is the greatest Rumble of all time, hands down. The emotion, the action, the ending, and the talent were all top level and it worked perfectly. Watch this Rumble right now as it’s worth every minute of it.

Now for the interesting part. As Flair and Perfect leave, we have Sid and Hogan fighting in the ring, and you can hear the fans booing Hogan and cheering for Sid. This of course had NOTHING to do with Hogan thinking it was time to retire and it was all his idea.

In the back, Tunney presents the title to Flair in front of the “press”. Flair cuts one of my all time favorite promos as he talks about what it means to be a champion. He’s just dripping with emotion here and he gets a nice little jab in at the NWA and WCW by saying that it’s just the WWF Title that means anything in wrestling.

This was a very novel idea at the time as other than the inaugural Survivor Series, no heel had ever won the main event on PPV before in the WWF (Taker vs. Hogan wasn’t the main event technically). That’s simply amazing and Flair says that it’s his time now and he just proved it. He’s absolutely right.

Overall Rating: B. That’s how good the Rumble is. Other than that and the moment of Piper winning, this show is horrible. Look at it. It’s just random stuff thrown on there with zero rhyme or reason. That’s the problem with having such a great Rumble: you take away the rest of the card.

Now to be fair, they were really betting the farm on the main event working and to say it paid off is an understatement. The main event is incredible stuff that will not get old to me no matter how many times I see it. I think the recommendation here is pretty easy: watch the Rumble and then watch it again. That’s more interesting than the first half of the show.

 

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Fusion #89
Date: December 21, 2019
Location: Melrose Ballroom, New York City, New York
Commentators: AJ Kirsch, Rich Bocchini

It’s the second week of the Opera Cup and that means we should be in for some more good wrestling. That’s the kind of thing that makes this show shine, with a show built around the action instead of their stories. The stories aren’t bad, but the roster is talented enough to make a tournament like this work. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

The Dynasty arrived earlier today but didn’t want to answer questions about having to face off in the Opera Cup tonight. They always have a plan b.

Opening sequence.

Mance Warner vs. Jimmy Havoc

Prince of Darkness (blindfold) match. They take forever to put the hoods on as the stalling is going to be strong with this one. The bell rings and they spend the first minute circling the ring, albeit with Warner taking no time in using the crowd to help spot Havoc. Warner finds the referee so Havoc avoids a charge in the corner as the lack of contact continues.

Havoc finally pulls the hood up to get in a cheap shot before stomping away in the corner. An elbow drop misses though and Warner hammers away as the announcers talk about how unlucky the referee is here. Havoc escapes and the referee has to get out of a DDT attempt. The hood comes off again so the distracted referee misses Priscilla Kelly coming in to hit Warner low. The Acid Rainmaker gives Havoc the pin at 3:38.

Rating: D-. The only good thing here was that it was short, as tends to be the case with this gimmick. What in the world was the point of this anyway? Yeah they hate each other, so let’s have a match where they can barely do anything? At least Havoc didn’t waste time before getting to the cheating, but a terrible match as it was always going to be in a blindfold match.

Tom Lawlor announces that the Team Filthy Dojo is open for business again but here’s Ross Von Erich for the brawl. Lawlor runs away.

Zero Hour is coming.

Post break, here’s the same thing you saw before the commercial.

Alexander Hammerstone doesn’t want to hear questions about problems in the Dynasty. He loves MJF more than he loves his turtle Frankie (that nearly cracks the interviewer up) and here is the rest of the Dynasty to give him some juice. They make fun of the interviewer’s Canadian accent because they’re proper heels.

Mance Warner isn’t happy with Priscilla Kelly so here are Jimmy Havoc and Kelly to jump him, this time with a chain. Havoc even stabs him in the head with some scissors. They’ll have a barbed wire match in Dallas.

Remember Zero Hour? Here’s the same ad for the show.

Gino Medina doesn’t want to answer questions but Salina de la Renta pulls him into a room.

MJF affirms his love for Hammerstone, who has the most important title in wrestling. So why does Hammerstone need the Opera Cup? Hammerstone doesn’t like the suggestion of throwing the match but here’s Holliday on the phone with his lawyer/father. This match is NOT going to happen.

The Strong Hearts are happy to be here but Contra jumps them.

We get the Zero Hour Control Center with only the barbed wire match being announced.

Opera Cup First Round: Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. Alexander Hammerstone

Non-title with Holliday at ringside. MJF says Hammerstone is going to lay down and even acts out the whole thing for an extra layer of realism. They exchange fingerpokes but MJF shoves him in the face, earning himself a hard shove. MJF is sent outside for the big dive with Hammerstone saying he’s the leader of the Dynasty. A missile dropkick sends MJF into the corner, only to have MJF send him face first into the buckle.

MJF throws on a bodyscissors and a knee to the ribs gets two. An abdominal stretch with a grab of the rope makes it even worse as the rather dense referee can’t figure out the cheating. He finally catches on and kicks the arm away, allowing Hammerstone to hiptoss his way to freedom.

There’s an overhead belly to belly to send MJF flying and a very delayed butterfly suplex gets two. Some pump kicks to the face stagger MJF but he gets in a superkick. One heck of a clothesline blasts MJF though and they’re both down. Holliday wants the match stopped and MJF gets in a low blow for two. MJF can’t hit a Cross Rhodes and it’s a sitout powerbomb (MJF: “OH S***!”) to give Hammerstone the pin at 8:14.

Rating: C. The wrestling wasn’t exactly the point here as it was all about Hammerstone breaking out on his own. That has seemed to be the endgame for a long time now and this was a step in that direction. They don’t need to split the team up just yet but dang it must be tempting to strap the rocket to Hammerstone’s back. The idea of him against Fatu has me salivating and that’s a nice feeling.

Post match MJF wants a handshake but collapses in a funny bit. Hammerstone leaves on his own.

Injustice doesn’t give a f*** about the Opera Cup but don’t think much of Stu Hart. They’ll take out someone in the tournament and do the New Day WHO WHO WHO bit until they realize that’s not their thing.

Von Erich and Lawlor fight on the streets of New York and the chase is on again.

Zero Hour. Again.

Davey Boy Smith Jr. says it’s cold here but it’s really cold in Calgary. He’s ready for Low Ki tonight. Stu Hart won the Opera Cup over seventy years ago and Smith is ready to live up to his legacy. Then it’s time for the World Title.

Opera Cup First Round: Davey Boy Smith Jr. vs. Low Ki

They shake hands to start and we’re ready to go. Feeling out process to start with Smith going after the arm so Ki spins out and kicks his way to freedom. They go to the mat (you knew that was coming) and that’s a quick standoff. Smith takes him down with a headlock and gets a few near falls.

Ki fights up and snaps the arm across the top rope to take over. That just earns him a hard forearm off the apron though as there is little that works better than hitting someone in the face. A ram into the apron starts in on Ki’s back and we hit the chinlock back inside. The bearhug goes on instead as we get a better showcase of the power advantage.

That’s broken up and Ki kicks him in the face to get a breather. A running dropkick through the ropes has Smith in more trouble but he’s fine enough to send Ki into the barricade. Smith presses him back over the ropes and gets two off a powerslam. Some knees to the chest are shrugged off and Ki powerslams him for a change of pace. Ki grabs a choke from behind but Smith flips him forward into a cradle for the pin at 12:11.

Rating: B. This was the kind of technical match that you would have expected and a great showcase for Smith. He is someone who you could see being a top star if he can get the charisma going as he is just so good in the ring. The fact that it ended in a clean pinfall was a nice surprise as well, giving us a very solid main event.

Post match, Low Ki shows respect.

Ross chases Lawlor some more but Lawlor escapes on a train to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. They did it the right way again this week with the wrestling being the focal point. If you get rid of that nightmare of an opening match, you have a heck of a show. As it is, you have a rather nice show and one that lets you see how bright the future can be around here. Just get rid of some of the weaker stuff and they’re in business. In other words, STOP HAVING HAVOC VS. WARNER ALREADY! But yeah, nice job this week for the most part.

Results

Jimmy Havoc b. Mance Warner – Acid Rainmaker

Alexander Hammerstone b. Maxwell Jacob Friedman – Sitout powerbomb

Davey Boy Smith Jr. b. Low Ki – Cradle

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Powerrr
Date: December 23, 2019
Location: GPB Studios, Atlanta, Georgia
Commentators: Stu Bennett, Joe Galli

We’re on Monday here because it would be a little insane to have a show on Christmas Eve. Therefore, it’s time for the second show of the season a week early and thankfully we get some followup to some of the good stuff we saw last week. Things moved towards a more traditional direction and that’s the best thing they could do, albeit with their own unique twist. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

We open with a recap of the end of Nick Aldis retaining the NWA World Title at the end of Into The Fire, setting up Marty Scurll’s return. Then last week, Aldis and Scurll didn’t seem to be on the same page about Scurll getting a World Title shot. As a result, Aldis formed a team to give us a heel stable.

Into The Fire.

Quick rundown from the announcers.

Trevor Murdoch is rather happy because he has gotten a contract. Zicky Dice interrupts him though because he’s going to win the TV Title. Cue the debuting Pope D’Angelo Dinero to talk about some famous NWA names. He’s here to find his Super Powers or Horsemen, so Dice offers his services. Pope just walks over to commentary without saying anything to a funny reaction.

TV Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Ricky Starks vs. Eddie Kingston

They lock up to start as commentary brings up the 6:05 time limit. Kingston shoulders him down into a headlock but Starks fights up for a middle rope shoulder. A high crossbody gets two but Kingston runs him over and hammers away. Starks knocks him down again though and grabs a tornado DDT for two. Buster Keaton (lifting sitout Pedigree) finishes Kingston at 4:10.

Rating: C. This was a good enough match where they packed in a lot of stuff. Starks is someone they want to push and giving him a run towards the TV Title would work rather well. Pope being involved could make for something interesting, but him putting Starks over in some way would be best.

Post match Pope nods at Kingston.

We look back at the formation of Magnus’ team last week and their beatdown of Tim Storm.

Here are Royce Isaacs and a rather tattooed woman named Mae Valentine. They’re asked about holiday plans and Isaacs whispers something in the interviewer’s ear, which doesn’t set well with him. Isaacs is going to show what he can do on his hand but here’s James Storm to say he wants Isaacs to prove himself.

Highspots.com ad.

James Storm vs. Royce Isaacs

They brawl on the floor before the bell with Storm getting the better of things. Storm hammers away…and Isaacs takes the countout at 1:02. Well it’s better than Isaacs taking the pinfall.

Here’s Eli Drake, with a bottle of champagne, for a chat. We get a lot of YEAH YEAH YEAH’s before Eli talks about the interviewer warming up the crowd with a comedy routine before the taping starts. Drake talks about having some New Year’s resolutions and they are all about gold. He has the shoes of a champion and the jacket of a champion but he calls it shoes as well because he’s a little too fired up.

Jocephus (as Santa) and an unidentified Mrs. Claus sing some Christmas carols and Drake gets in a few more YEAH’s as backup. Cue Aldis and company to interrupt though and Aldis has some matching shirts for all of them. Everything you’ve seen over the last few weeks has been a part of the plan, including taking out James Storm. As for Ricky Morton, he can come out here and say something to Aldis’ face. Morton doesn’t think much of Aldis training under Harley Race and then disrespecting his legacy like this. Aldis threatens Morton to wrap it up.

We look at the women’s tag match from Into The Fire, including ODB debuting.

Melina/Thunder Rosa/Marti Belle vs. Allysin Kay/ODB/Ashley Vox

Whoever gets the fall gets to pick an opponent of their choosing. Rosa works a hammerlock on ODB but ODB slips out of a suplex and brings in Kay. Belle comes in to drop Kay with a running knee but it’s off to Vox in a hurry. She’s beaten down as well and we get into the more standard structure, with Vox getting beaten up in the corner. Melina gets two off a DDT but it’s right back to ODB vs. Rosa with the former taking over. Everything breaks down and Rosa has to bite the finger to escape an armbar. Something like a sitout White Noise shoulderbreaker finishes Vox at 5:48.

Rating: D+. I’ve never been an ODB fan so having her around here didn’t make things that much better. What did help was having a bunch of fresh talent in the match at the same time. The women’s division doesn’t really need to exist around here, but if they’re going to do something with it, they’re going to need a lot of names to keep things moving.

Post match Rosa is about to pick her opponent but Melina chooses for her: ODB.

We get a drawing for the TV Title tournament: Tim Storm vs. Nick Aldis. Storm talks about Mama Storm turning 95 this week and asked how long Tim can wrestle. She retired at 78 and he got his work ethic from her. We get an homage to the Hard Time promo, with Storm saying he’s old and broken down but he’s bad and they know he’s bad.

TV Title Tournament Qualifying Match: Question Mark vs. Colt Cabana

Colt armdrags him down a few times but loses a chop off to the ka-ra-te master. A rollup gives Colt two and an elbow to the jaw puts Mark down again. The running hip attack connects in the corner and the middle rope splash gives Cabana two. Cabana goes up but dives into a shot to the throat to give Mark the pin at 3:07.

Rating: C. This didn’t have time to do much but around here it’s one of the longer matches. That’s such a weird dynamic for the company but it’s working well enough. Mark is one of the best cult favorites I’ve seen in a long time and that’s the kind of thing that can work wonders around here.

Aron Stevens and Question Mark want all the gold.

Roll credits.

Overall Rating: C+. You can tell they’ve changed things up a lot around here as they are now packing in every single thing that they can. It’s made things more interesting, though I’m still not clear on how the tournament is working. Are they going to have qualifying matches and then the pay per view is built around the tournament? Anyway, at least they’re doing some interesting stuff and the place is going to be rather pleased when they get to Storm vs. Aldis for the title again. Nice show here, and the new style is an improvement.

Results

Ricky Starks b. Eddie Kingston – Buster Keaton

James Storm b. Royce Isaacs via countout

Melina/Thunder Rosa/Marti Belle b. Allysin Kay/ODB/Ashley Vox – Sitout shoulderbreaker to Vox

Question Mark b. Colt Cabana – Chop to the throat

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Monday Night Raw
Date: December 30, 2019
Location: XL Center, Hartford, Connecticut
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Vic Joseph

It’s the final show of the decade for WWE and that means…well not much as the major draw of the show is a wedding between Lana and Bobby Lashley, which has all time crash possibilities. Other than that we should be getting some updates on Randy Orton’s health status after he suffered a knee injury last night. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s an annoyed Kevin Owens to get things going. Owens gets right to the point and promises fireworks for what happened last week. We see a clip of Seth Rollins and the AOP laying out Samoa Joe last week. Owens promises to take one of them out with him because he saw someone he respects get taken out.

That would be Rey Mysterio, and it made him sick to see Mysterio get beaten down a few weeks back. The beatdown is why Andrade defeated Mysterio for the United States Title and we see a clip of the title change. Cue Rollins and the AOP to say this wasn’t Seth’s decision. He was forced into this roll and now the AOP will enforce his will.

The fight is on with Owens getting crushed in the corner, only to have Samoa Joe come down for the save. Joe beats up the AOP and chokes Rollins but AOP comes back in. Owens makes the next save with some chair shots to the back as security comes down to break it up. Owens hits a bit flip dive onto the three of them plus security, with Joe joining in.

Post break, here’s everything you just saw before the commercial.

Joe and Owens are talking in the back when Charly Caruso comes in to say security is going to be coming after them. Joe says he doesn’t have a choice to do what he did, just like Rollins. Owens is glad to have someone like Joe by his side. Security comes in and the two of them leave, with promises to be back next week.

Aleister Black vs. Buddy Murphy

Rematch from TLC. Murphy wastes no time in hurricanranaing him to the floor and having a seat ala Black to get in his head. Back in and Black sends him outside, only to have a seat of his own when Murphy comes in again. Black elbows him down and we hit the front facelock to slow things down a bit. That’s broken up with some shots to the face so Black shows him how it’s done with a sliding kick to the face.

The armbar goes on for a bit until Murphy sends him face first into the buckle. He takes too long going up though and Black kicks him in the face, setting Black to go up top. That earns him a face first drop onto the turnbuckle though and we take a break. Back with Black hitting a middle rope moonsault, followed by even more kicks to the face and chest.

Another shot to the face looks to set up the top rope moonsault but Murphy rolls away instead. A corner dropkick sets up a rollup with feet on the ropes for two but the referee catches him red footed. Black gets sent outside again for the big flip dive and seems to be favoring his knee.

Back in and Murphy’s top rope Meteora gets two as they’re both spent. Murphy is up first and goes to the top, only to have to reverse a superplex attempt into a rolling sitout powerbomb for a very close two. For some reason Murphy tries his own Black Mass and gets superkicked for his efforts. A brainbuster gives Black two so it’s time for Black Mass. That’s blocked so Murphy grabs a quick Murphy’s Law attempt. That’s reversed into a victory roll and Black Mass connects for the pin on Murphy at 14:31.

Rating: B. This might not have been as good as their first match but it is still a heck of a match. What they did here was the same match they had before but it was very entertaining with Black looking like a killer while Murphy looks like someone who could wrestle with anyone. They’re both benefiting from these matches and that’s exactly the point.

Rollins and the AOP want revenge but are willing to leave peacefully when security shows up.

Erick Rowan comes up to Lana to ask why he wasn’t invited. He and whatever is in the cage don’t care anyway.

Erick Rowan vs. Kip Stevens

Just like every week, Stevens goes for the cage and gets mauled for his efforts. A ram into the apron, a big boot and a splash inside set up the Iron Claw for the pin at 1:37. Same as always.

Lana is getting ready and talks about Rowan being obsessed with her.

Here’s Charlotte for a chat, after the pyro of course. She’s here to announce her introduction into the Women’s Royal Rumble, which isn’t a surprise. Charlotte lists off some of her accomplishments and thinks she needs something else on her list. As for tonight though, let’s hit that open challenge. Like she said: did anyone expect otherwise?

Charlotte vs. Natalya

Charlotte starts fast with a headscissors takeover and then a headlock takeover, only to have Natalya nip up. The Flair Strut is on but Natalya sends her to the apron. That’s fine with Charlotte, who shoulders her in the ribs and hits a clothesline to drop Natalya again. A hard clothesline gives Natalya her own two and the surfboard is on. That’s broken up in a hurry as well and Charlotte boots her down for another near fall.

Natalya is right back up to send Charlotte face first into the steps and then suplex her on the ramp. Back in and Natalya kicks away in the corner, only to miss a charge into the post. Charlotte poses while Natalya is mostly done on the floor….and here’s the Mob to chase R-Truth. A big boot drops Eric Young and we take a break with Truth running away. Back with Natalya getting two off a high crossbody but Charlotte kicks her away.

The moonsault is countered into a sitout powerbomb though and Charlotte is rocked. Natalya slugs away but the discus forearm is cut off with a big boot to the arm. The spear gets two on Natalya but she sends Charlotte face first into the corner. It’s too early for a Sharpshooter attempt though as Charlotte kicks her in the face for two more. Another big boot rocks Natalya and it’s the Figure Eight to give Charlotte the win at 14:31.

Rating: C+. These two always work well together and that was the case here, albeit made slightly better for the lack of a mention of either of their older male relatives. Charlotte winning makes sense and it’s not like Natalya has any real reason to exist other than to put someone over like this most of the time. Just find something else for Charlotte to do, as in without making her champion again.

Becky Lynch is ready to face Asuka at the Royal Rumble. She knows that to be the golden child, you have to be ready to be the golden goose. Maybe she can’t beat Asuka, but she has to know.

Liv Morgan video on wanting to be different. Someone has made her feel different.

Here’s the OC for a chat. We see a clip of the OC beating the Viking Raiders two weeks ago and then the whole team winning a six man tag last week. Anderson talks about the Vikings being unbeatable but the OC has beaten them twice now. So they should get the next title shot, but here are the Street Profits to interrupt. The Profits talk about the OC’s resume before throwing in that they beat the OC in their debut. The OC calls them lucky for that win but the Profits want the smoke so ring the bell.

OC vs. Street Profits

Anderson is taken into the corner to start and it’s Ford snapping off an armbar to take over early on. AJ offers a quick distraction to trip up Dawkins but that’s an ejection as we take a break. Back with Anderson holding Ford in a chinlock after a Gallows drop onto the barricade during the break. A neckbreaker gives Anderson two so he pulls Ford back to the corner by the ear (that’s too far). Gallows gets two more off a suplex and we hit another chinlock.

The legdrop sets up the third chinlock but Gallows spends too much time going after Dawkins, allowing Ford to hit an enziguri. One heck of a diving tag brings Dawkins in and it’s time to clean house. A powerslam gets two on Anderson but Anderson’s spinebuster connects for the same. There’s the belly to back neckbreaker for another two and everything breaks down with Ford making the save. A big running flip dive hits Gallows and it’s the Sky High to Anderson, setting up Ford’s frog splash for the pin at 11:36.

Rating: C-. Pretty standard match here with Ford getting to showcase himself as usual, though Dawkins had some highlights of his own. The Profits are showing some staying power so far and that’s a great sign for their future. Their natural charisma is more than enough to keep them around and the fact that they can have some exciting matches makes things even better.

Post break the Profits are fired up over their win, which makes them the best tag team in the multiverse. Ford: “The multiverse???” Dawkins then explains the multiverse and Ford is rather confused, meaning we should talk about the wedding again. All Dawkins wants to know is where his bridesmaids are. Ford on the other hand wants the smoke.

Zack Ryder/Curt Hawkins vs. Drew McIntyre

Before the match, Drew says he doesn’t think he’s the one in a handicap here, but he does a poll to see what the audience thinks. Hawkins and Ryder jump him before the bell but get beaten down as well, meaning it’s a suplex to send Hawkins flying. The Claymore drops Hawkins and it’s a Future Shock to Ryder, with McIntyre nipping up for the double pin at 51 seconds. Remember when these guys won the Tag Team Titles at WrestleMania?

Next week: Brock Lesnar is back, Andrade vs. Rey Mysterio for the US Title and Street Profits/OC/Viking Raiders in a triple threat match for the Tag Team Titles.

Here’s Randy Orton in street clothes and on crutches to slowly make his way to the ring. Orton talks about how you never know what is going to happen in this ring and sounds a lot more serious than usual. He has seen titles lost over injuries, including Edge, who is someone he respects.

Last night he hurt his knee really badly but we need to pause for the RANDY chants. He’s going to be out for a long time and he might not be able to come back at all. Orton promises to try to RKO someone at Wrestlemania but here’s AJ Styles to interrupt. He isn’t waiting until Wrestlemania to get his hands on Orton and teases taking Orton out right here.

AJ is feeling sporty though and sticks out his chin so Orton can RKO him. Since Orton didn’t do it, AJ says he can’t wait until Wrestlemania to end Orton’s career in the Calf Crusher. AJ kicks the crutch away and laughs but Orton calls him back over. Orton says AJ may be patient but he isn’t….and there’s the RKO on a completely healthy leg. That was a great one and they sold me on the injury. It’s a unique enough segment too and I was suckered in on the whole thing. Nicely done.

We look at Andrade winning the United States Title from Rey Mysterio at Madison Square Garden.

Mysterio promises to win the title back. Then he’s coming for Rollins and the AOP.

Andrade vs. ???

Non-title and the beating is on in a hurry. Some stomping in the corner sets up some knees to the face, but Zelina Vega calls off the hammerlock DDT. She wants the floor mats pulled back but cue Ricochet for the save and I think we have a replacement.

Andrade vs. Ricochet

Non-title again. Feeling out process to start with Ricochet being sent to the apron but having to deal with a Zelina distraction. That lets Andrade dropkick a springboard out of the way. There’s a back elbow to keep Ricochet down as the ring mats are still pulled up. A standing double underhook pull has Ricochet in more trouble but Ricochet slips out and sends him outside.

Now the twisting flip dive to the floor puts Andrade down again. The tease of Andrade leaving draws Ricochet over so Andrade can sent him back first into the apron. A backdrop onto the concrete has Ricochet screaming and we take a break. Back with Ricochet fighting up from a chinlock and rolling forward for a dropkick.

Vega grabs Andrade’s hand for a failed save attempt but Andrade is able to block to Recoil. The spinning back elbow gives Andrade two more but Ricochet is back with a superkick. A swinging suplex looks to set up the 630, only to have Vega offer another distraction. Andrade is right back with the hammerlock DDT for the pin at 11:33.

Rating: C+. This worked quite well for a thrown together match. It’s a case where you probably knew it was going to go well because of who was in the ring. Ricochet can wrestle a good match with anyone and Andrade looks like the star of the future. Give them time and a reason for a rematch and it’s a nice combination.

Post match, Vega and Andre aren’t worried about the title match next week.

Preview of next week’s show.

It’s wedding time…with a big cake in the corner. Lashley in a sleeveless, shirtless tuxedo but Lana on the other hand is in a VERY short wedding dress and seems rather enthralled. The minister gives the big intro about how great marriage is and how it leads to personal growth. Lana does NOT want a baby though, because it would turn her into someone ugly like the fans. She insists that the minister read the script, so he asks Lashley if he’s REALLY sure.

They get to read their own vows but Lana screeches about the fans chanting RUSEV DAY and how they’re trying to make this day anyone but her. Lana tells Lashley about how awesome she is and starts her own LANA DAY chant. She’s so happy that she wants to jump on him right now….and so she does.

With that broken up, Lana hands Lashley the vows she wrote for him. Lashley reads the very complimentary statements about Lana but has to pause for the WHAT chants. Those don’t sit well with Lana, who spells her name because it’s WHO, not WHAT. He finally wraps it up, with the minister saying that was different. The ring statements go on so long that Lana says “ok we’ve got it, thank you.”

Now we get to the part the minister really dreads and he asks if anyone has reason why they shouldn’t be married. This brings out an unidentified man who says that he’s Lana’s first husband. They got married when she was 18 and then she left him for Rusev, just like she’ll leave Lashley for someone else. Lashley chokeslams him so the minister asks again, which draws out Lashley’s first wife (Minister: “WHO ARE YOU???”), who Lana didn’t seem to know about. Lana beats her up so we ask one more time….and here’s Liv Morgan.

She talks about how she was a lost soul earlier this year but the love of her life brought her to where she needed to be. How could they do this to her? Lashley insists he never laid a finger on her (Minister: “OH COME ON!”), but Liv is talking about Lana. That finally gives the fans something to care about and Liv is near tears, only to be driven into the corner.

A flower pot to the head starts the catfight as Lashley isn’t sure what to do. They’re taken to the floor but Lana gets back in so we can try this one more time. Cue Rusev out of the cake and the fight is on again, with Liv getting back in as the wedding set is destroyed. Lana gets sent into the cake but manages to slap Rusev to end the show.

This was REALLY long at nearly thirty minutes, including an eleven minute overrun. The Liv stuff is at least a twist, but it took so long to get here (both tonight and for the last three months) that it didn’t have much of an impact. This could have been worse, but they needed to cut out a lot of the same stuff going on over and over again.

Overall Rating: C-. This show was trying to be good but that wedding just did not have the lift to get where it needed to go. It could have been a lot worse and there was some good wrestling, but the wedding/love….shape with a lot of sides is hurting things badly. Maybe Lesnar being back next week will help, but if he goes away again right after the Rumble, we’re right back where we were before. In other words, we’re going to be right back where we started in about four weeks. Not a bad show this week, but the big problems remain

Results

Aleister Black b. Buddy Murphy – Black Mass

Erick Rowan b. Kip Stevens – Iron Claw

Charlotte b. Natalya – Figure Eight

Street Profits b. OC – Frog splash to Anderson

Drew McIntyre b. Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder – Double pin

Andrade vs. ??? went to a no contest when Ricochet interfered

Andrade b. Ricochet – Hammerlock DDT

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

So it’s 1991 now and the US is at war (kind of). Therefore, the main event here, other than the Rumble of course, is Warrior defending the world title against Slaughter. This is a major changeover from the old Rumble formula which was a bunch of nothing matches followed by the big battle royal to close the show. Well at least on PPV that is. This would become the norm after this (other than in 1992) so let’s get to it.

We open with the national anthem to really hammer home the AMERICA ROCKS theme.

We get the usual list of a bunch of people in the Rumble.

Piper goes on one his big America rants about how much he loves the troops.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

The Express are Kato and Tanaka. Kato is a white guy named Paul Diamond in a mask pretending to be a Japanese guy. Shawn gets jumped to start and hit with a big double backdrop. Marty dropkicks Kato to the floor and superkicks Tanaka down as the Rockers take over. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives to take the Express (popular names for tag teams no?) down on the floor.

The crowd is LOVING the Rockers here because they’re AMERICAN! Jannetty and Kato start things off with Kato getting caught in a headlock. Things speed up already and Marty controls with a headscissors on the mat. That gets turned into a backslide for two for Jannetty and we have a standoff. Marty makes the Express collide with each other before working on Tanaka’s arm.

Shawn comes in off the top with another shot to the arm but Tanaka comes back with a kick to the face and a chinlock. We get an overly complicated running the ropes spot which results in the Express having their heads rammed together. It’s still Tanaka vs. Shawn here and we go from a chinlock to a sleeper by Shawn. Marty tries to come in for no apparent reason, allowing Kato to blast Michaels in the back to give the Express control for the first time.

Everything breaks down and we get multiple do-see-do sequences, finally resulting in the Express being rammed into each other and being sent to the floor. Shawn busts out a kind of prototype 619 before the Rockers dive on both members of the Express in a cool spot. Back to Kato vs. Marty and we hit another chinlock. Shawn comes back in for a vertical suplex but Tanaka breaks up a monkey flip by guillotining Shawn from the apron.

Tanaka comes in and we get the World’s Greatest Tag Team spot of Tanaka jumping over Kato’s back to land on Shawn’s back as Shawn is draped over the ropes. A shot to Shawn’s throat keeps him down and it’s off to the nerve hold. Things slow down a lot as Kato comes in to chop away. A superkick puts Shawn down again (how appropriate) but he comes back by slamming Tanaka’s face down into the mat.

The place is really getting into the Rockers here as Kato takes his belt off. The Express tries to clothesline him with it but Shawn dives onto the belt to ran both Express members into each other. Hot tag brings in Marty to clean house and a powerslam gets two on Kato. Tanaka breaks up a backslide attempt so Shawn trips up Kato to retaliate. Everything breaks down again and Tanaka breaks up the Rocket Launcher. Kato slingshots Marty into a Tanaka chop and Jannetty is in trouble. They load it up again, but Shawn blasts Tanaka, allowing Marty to counter the slingshot into a sunset flip on Tanaka for the pin out of nowhere.

Rating: B+. This would have been a masterpiece if they had cut out a minute or two of the chinlocks. Still though, this follows the Nitro formula to the letter: take four small guys, give them a long time, get an exciting match. That’s the perfect choice for an opener and it worked well here. The Rockers would continue to be awesome for the rest of the year until splitting in December in the famous Barber Shop incident.

Macho Man wants a shot at the winner of the title match. Slaughter has agreed to this idea for some reason, and Sherri is on her way to the arena to get Warrior to agree to the same.

Here’s Sherri on the platform (yeah back then they had an interview platform along with the one in the back) to call out Warrior. Savage is watching in the back and Sherri takes forever to get Warrior to come out. She begs the patriotic Warrior and tries to seduce him (oh dear that’s a terrifying thought) and gets on her knees, only to have Warrior shout NO. Savage LOSES IT in the back over this. Somehow these segments took like seven minutes.

Big Bossman vs. Barbarian

This is part of a storyline that worked quite well until the ending. Rick Rude had insulted Boss Man’s mother, but Boss Man was told he had to beat every member of the Heenan Family before he got a match with Rude. Unfortunately Rude left the company before Boss Man got to him so Boss Man got Mr. Perfect at Mania….but he didn’t win Perfect’s IC title and that basically ended the storyline. Still though, the build was good and it gave Boss Man something to do for months. The eventual payoff was him literally dropping a big metal ball on Heenan’s ribs.

Anyway Barbarian pounds away to start but gets kicked in the head and elbowed down. They head to the floor for Boss Man to send Barbarian into the post before heading back inside. Barbarian goes up but jumps into a punch, sending him right back to the floor. Barbie suplexes him down and punches Boss Man in the face, knocking him into the ropes where his feet get tied up.

Barbarian pounds away a bit before ramming Boss Man back first into the post. Off to a bearhug by Barbarian followed by an elbow for two. Back to the bearhug for a little bit longer until Boss Man headbutts (bad stereotypes!) his way out. A splash in the corner misses and Barbarian gets two off a rollup, only to have Boss Man get the same off a clothesline. They hit head to head and both guys go down.

Barbarian is on his feet first and goes up and hits his top rope clothesline for two. There’s the Boss Man Slam but Boss Man walks around before covering, allowing Barbie to grab a rope. An awkward looking piledriver puts Boss Man down for no cover again. Barbarian goes up for a cross body of all things but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin.

Rating: C. This was a fine match but the ending is kind of weird. I have no idea why they didn’t have the Slam end the match here but for some reason it kept going for another minute or two afterwards. Still though, decent enough match and Boss Man was just CRAZY over at this point. The hot crowd helped a lot here.

Slaughter and General Adnan rant for a bit and say Slaughter is winning the title tonight. For some reason while Slaughter is talking they shift to another camera so he has to turn ninety degrees.

The Warrior isn’t worried about Slaughter and says he’ll give the orders tonight.

Quick recap on the world title match: Slaughter is a former American patriot and is now changing over to Iraq because he’s that kind of a villain. Warrior is defending and that’s about all there is to it.

WWF World Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla gives a disclaimer, saying that Slaughter and Adnan’s views don’t represent those of the WWF or most of America. If that was anyone other than Gorilla Monsoon, I’d say he wasn’t allowed to speak for America, but Gorilla Monsoon speaks for me. There’s a t-shirt idea in there somewhere. The belt is purple tonight in case you’re wondering. Yeah Warrior went a bit nuts (shocking I know) with having multiple belt colors for some reason. The heels try to attack him with the Iraqi Flag but Warrior will have nothing of it and clotheslines them both down.

Slaughter gets the flag shoved into his mouth and Warrior pounds away. He chokes Slaughter with said flag and chops away in the corner as Slaughter is in trouble. Warrior sends Slaughter into the corner for his over the buckle bump to the floor. Here’s Sherri to trip up Warrior and draw him back up towards the entrance. Savage is waiting on Warrior and beats the tar out of the champion with light fixtures as Slaughter gets a breather.

The Sarge wisely stops the count a few times, allowing Warrior to get back in. Slaughter pounds away in the corner as he starts softening up the back for the Camel Clutch. Apparently the middle eastern moveset comes with becoming an Iraqi sympathizer. The crowd absolutely HATES Slaughter here and boos anything he does. Warrior gets sent into the buckle but they clothesline each other down. Naturally a single clothesline is enough to counteract that long run of offense by Slaughter and get us back to even.

Slaughter gets up first and puts on a bearhug for a LONG time. Warrior breaks it up but walks right into a backbreaker for two. There’s the Camel Clutch but Warrior’s legs are under the ropes. Warrior Warriors Up and beats Slaughter down but here’s Sherri again to frenzy up the crowd. Warrior loads her up in the gorilla press and throws her onto a charging Savage in the aisle. Savage pops up again and blasts Warrior in the face with his scepter, allowing Slaughter to drop an elbow for the pin and the title, STUNNING the crowd.

Rating: D+. The match was dull for the most part but the heat was insane. The crowd audibly calls this BS and you can’t really argue that point. Aside from that, this sets up Wrestlemania really well, as we need a REAL AMERICAN to take the title back. Pay no attention to the fact that the war had already been over by Wrestlemania.

Gorilla LOSES IS when the title change is announced.

Koko B. Ware vs. The Mountie

The crowd is still in shock at this point so here’s a match to pass some time. Mountie has Jimmy Hart with him here and is doing the shock stick gimmick still. A lot of stalling to start things off here until Koko hits that dropkick of his. Ware cranks on the arm after Mountie hides on the floor for a bit. Mountie backdrops him to the floor in a big bump and takes over. Hart gets in a shouting match with Frankie the parrot as this match drags on and on. Koko gets a quick two on a sunset flip as Jimmy argues with Frankie some more.

A piledriver is broken up by Ware but Mountie pounds away even more to stop the comeback. Koko grabs a neckbreaker and hits a few headbutts to put Mountie down. The missile dropkick (Koko hits the kick and lands on his feet. That’s AWESOME) drops Mountie again and a cross body gets two. Koko hits the ropes a few times but charges into a…..into a……I think it was a choke takedown or something like that. Whatever it was it gets the pin for Mountie.

Rating: D. This match sucked but it was the only thing they could have done here. They had to do something to give the fans a chance to breathe after that previous title match and while it didn’t really work, they made the right move here. Mountie would be IC Champion the next year while Koko would be in a tag team I believe.

Savage says he’s the next WWF Champion and runs away with Sherri as he can hear Warrior pounding on the door.

Gorilla and Piper lament Warrior’s loss.

Slaughter says he told us all he’d win.

Gorilla and Piper rants some more.

Some fans get to send messages to some American troops in the middle east.

We hear about Hogan going to various American armed forces bases because he’s not allowed to go to Saudi Arabia at the moment. Thankfully Piper mentions that he and Hogan don’t agree on everything.

We hear from some Rumble participants: Roberts, Earthquake, Valentine, Tornado, the LOD, Undertaker (still with Brother Love), Duggan, Martel, British Bulldog, Perfect (IC Champion here) and Tugboat.

Piper talks about having lunch with Virgil today. Remember that.

DiBiase and Virgil are ready to face Dustin and Dusty. Ted talks about having bought and paid for Virgil, who glares as DiBiase talks.

Ted Dibiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Dustin is BRAND new here as this is his first WWF match. It’s also Dusty’s last in the WWF/E for over fifteen years. This is the blowoff to DiBiase vs. Dusty which started at Summerslam with Ted buying Sapphire and taking her from Dusty. Sapphire left soon afterwards because she didn’t want to be away from Dusty. Anyway the Rhodes Family takes over to start with elbows a go-go, sending the heels to a huddle on the floor.

Dustin, only 21 here, starts with Virgil who barely ever wrestled at this point. I mean it was like once every year or two. Dustin hits a clothesline and a dropkick to send Virgil (the real name of Dusty for you trivia geeks) to the floor as DiBiase is getting frustrated. Another clothesline puts Virgil on the floor again and Ted yells a lot. Off to DiBiase to backdrop the young gun but a second attempt results in a face jam.

The Rhodes dudes hammer DiBiase back and forth with elbows to send him to the floor as well. Here’s Big Dust who puts on a sleeper but Virgil breaks it up. Back to Dustin for a dropkick for two, but a charging knee at Virgil misses to put Dustin down. Virgil stays on the knee and wraps it around the post, as does his boss. The heels try some double teaming, but Virgil accidentally clotheslines DiBiase. Ted beats the tar out of him, allowing Dustin to tag his dad. Said dad is rolled up for the pin almost immediately by DiBiase.

Rating: D+. Another dull match here but it was almost all for the ending and post match stuff. Like I said, the Rhodes guys were on their way out so they didn’t have a chance at all in this one. Dusty stopped meaning anything months before this and it was the right move to go back to WCW for him where he could do what he wanted and book as well.

Post match we get the important part of the match. DiBiase yells at Virgil and says he’s tired of having to save his worker. He tells Virgil to get the belt and wrap it around his boss’ waist, but Virgil is mad. DiBiase keeps running his mouth, talking about how Virgil needs this job. DiBiase turns his back on Virgil and turns into a belt shot to the head, drawing one of the handful of pops in Virgil’s entire career.

Hogan is ready for the Rumble and wants the title from the un-American too. Gene tells Hogan that Slaughter might have just defaced the American Flag. Oh you know it’s on now. Hulk goes into such a rant that he forgets the name of the guy America is at war with (Sadaam Hussein) in a semi-famous bit.

Royal Rumble

Bret gets #1 for the second time in four years. He and Neidhart are tag champions here and he gets to face Dino Bravo at #2. Feeling out process to start until Bret clotheslines Bravo to the apron. Bravo comes back but misses an elbow. We go to an annoying wide shot as Greg Valentine is #3. I think he’s a face here but it was such an unmemorable turn that I can’t remember if it had happened yet or not. Well he’s fighting Bravo so I’d assume so. Actually he does a bit better than that by eliminating Bravo quickly.

Bret atomic drops Greg down and adds a clothesline for good measure but he can’t get the elimination. Here’s Paul Roma of Power and Glory at #4. Actually the team might have broken up by this point. Again they weren’t that memorable, just like most of this time period aside from the top stars. Bret rams their heads together, causing Roma and Valentine to fight for a bit.

Here’s Kerry Von Erich to give us I think three faces and one heel, or at least two faces a heel and a tweener. Bret misses an elbow drop off the middle rope and everyone pounds away on various people until Rick Martel is #6. Bret almost puts Martel out but Roma makes a save. Well no one ever accused him of being all that bright. Saba Simba (Tony Atlas as a tribal guy. It didn’t last long) is #7 as things continue to go slowly. Von Erich puts the Claw on Martel and that’s about the extent of the highlights.

To really liven things up, Butch is #8. That’s actually not sarcastic as the fans do the Bushwhacker arm swing. Martel puts Simba out to keep us at an equal number of average guys and Bret. Don’t get me wrong: these guys are talented, but other than Bret, most of them never got above the midcard. Jake Roberts is #9 to go immediately after Martel and give us an actual feud (Martel blinded him, leading to an AWFUL blowoff match at Mania).

Martel bails under the bottom rope and Jake goes right after him through the ropes. Martel gets put on the apron and punched in the face as everyone else just punches people. Hercules is #10 to give us Power and Glory in the ring. Why would I have thought they were broken up? They had a match at Mania. Bret gets double teamed in the corner but nothing comes of it.

There are too many people in the ring at the moment at I think eight. Tito Santana is #11 as Roma misses a cross body to eliminate himself. FINALLY we get someone to clear some of these guys out with Undertaker coming in at #12. He’s still this unknown monster at this point and would be that for years. Taker puts out Bret as soon as he gets there and beats up Von Erich for fun. That could have been a solid house show feud.

Jimmy Snuka is #13 as Taker throws out Butch. There are still way too many people in the ring, as we currently have Valentine, Tornado, Martel, Roberts, Hercules, Santana, Snuka and Undertaker. Taker chokes on Von Erich a bit in the corner before shifting over to Valentine. The freshly returned British Bulldog is #14 and guess what happens. The correct answer would be nothing, so here’s Smash at #15. No one cares as Demolition would be done at Wrestlemania, so he’s another nobody for all intents and purposes.

Good grief there are ten people in there now. Martel gets knocked to the apron and FINALLY puts Jake out to get us down a little bit. Superfly headbutts Martel and Hercules for a reaction from the crowd and Hawk is #16. STILL nothing of note happens and it’s Shane freaking Douglas at #17. Taker FINALLY puts out Tornado and Hawk puts out Snuka to get the numbers down a bit.

No one is #18, which would later be revealed as Randy Savage, who isn’t in the match because he’s running from Warrior. This is called continuity, which you don’t get enough of in wrestling today. Animal is #19, allowing the LOD to double clothesline Taker out. Martel uses the distraction to knock Hawk out and we’ve got eight in there again: Santana, Martel, Smith, Smash, Animal, Hercules, Valentine and Douglas.

The ninth person in the ring and #20 overall is Crush, Ax’s replacement in Demolition. Jim Duggan is #21. I’m not saying much between the entrances because there’s nothing to talk about. Literally it’s people pushing others on the ropes and a lot of punching. WAY too many people in the ring again and the match is really dull so far. Martel gets caught by Animal but gets out via a thumb to the eye. That’s an exciting moment at this point.

Earthquake is #22, giving us an insane eleven people in the match at once. Animal staggers Quake with some clotheslines but a third misses, resulting in Animal getting dumped. Perfect is #23 to get us back to eleven in the ring at once. The first person he sells like a crazy man for: Duggan, but Jim gets eliminated by Perfect pretty quickly. I’m not going to bother listing everyone in there for awhile due to it being nearly impossible to tell. Seriously, that’s how full the ring is.

FINALLY Hogan comes in at #24 and you know some people are going out now. It’s Smash thrown out first and Hogan goes straight for Earthquake, who he was technically still feuding with at this point. Bulldog and Perfect have a very energetic slugout as Haku is #25. Hogan dumps Valentine after a near record breaking 44 minutes. Hogan finally gets his own shirt off as Martel and Haku fight.

Jim Neidhart is #26 as Earthquake dumps an exhausted Santana after thirty minutes. A bunch of heels work over Hogan in the corner but Shane Douglas breaks it up. In a semi-famous moment, Luke is in at #27 and is immediately dumped out by Quake after about four seconds. He immediately marches back to the locker room. Brian Knobs of the freshly debuted Nasty Boys is #28 and after doing nothing for awhile, he dumps Hercules.

Warlord is #29 and he goes straight for Davey Boy. Crush goes up on the corner to punch Hogan and deserves the elimination he gets for trying. Hogan clotheslines Warlord out as the ring is FINALLY emptying out a bit. Tugboat is #30, giving us a final group of Perfect, Tugboat, Knobs, Douglas, Neidhart, Martel, Smith, Haku, Earthquake and Hogan. Quake and Tugboat go at it as Knobs dumps Douglas. Brian Knobs gets to eliminate two people? Really?

Tugboat goes after Hogan but only gets him to the apron. Hogan gets back in and clotheslines him out to get us to eight. Bulldog dropkicks Hennig off the ropes to the floor and Martel, who has been in there over 50 minutes, shattering the record, puts Neidhart out. Bulldog dumps Haku and we’re down to five. Martel goes up top but gets crotched and clotheslined out by Smith. That puts us at a final four but Smith is put out before I can type out said four. We’ve got Knobs, Earthquake and Hogan. That’s a step below Rude, Hennig and Hogan last year I’d think.

The heels double team Hogan of course and Quake splashes him down. The Earthquake hits Hogan but it’s no sold as you would expect. Big boot puts Knobs out but Hogan can’t slam the fat man. Quake hits an elbow drop and a second one as Hogan goes into his spasms. There’s the powerslam, there’s the Hulk Up, there’s the big boot, there’s the slam, there’s the winning clothesline for Hogan.

Rating: D. This is one, if not the worst Rumble I’ve ever seen. It’s just boring all around and there’s no other word to describe it. There were at least three moments where there were TEN people in the ring at once. The prime option for the Rumble is about six to seven at most at a time, not freaking TEN. There was never a moment where this got exciting and it was really boring at times too. Not good at all here.

Hogan poses a lot and waves an American flag to end the show.

Overall Rating: D+. The opener is really good but the rest of the show is mostly boring stuff. 1991 was a really boring time for the company and things wouldn’t pick up until the end of the year when Flair and Undertaker gave some jolts of life into things. This didn’t work for the most part though and it was a chore to sit through. Nothing to see here other than a really awesome tag match to open the show.

Ratings Comparison

The Rockers vs. The Orient Express

Original: A

Redo: B+

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

Original: B

Redo: C

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Original: D

Redo: D+

The Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

Original: D

Redo: D

Ted DiBiase/Virgil vs. Dustin Rhodes/Dusty Rhodes

Original: B

Redo: D+

Royal Rumble

Original: D+

Redo: D

Overall Rating

Original: C-

Redo: D+

What was I thinking on that DiBiase match? I must have REALLY liked the angle, but it happened after the match.

Here’s the original review if you’re interested:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2011/01/10/royal-rumble-count-up-1991/

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Royal Rumble 1991
Date: January 19, 1991
Location: Miami Arena, Miami, Florida
Attendance: 16,000
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Roddy Piper

Well, there’s a few big things, but a lot is still the same. Warrior is champion here, defending against Sgt. Slaughter who is in the heel turn as the Iraqi sympathizer. Who cares if the war was already over? The other thing is that about two months ago, Undertaker debuted. This really is about the same as last year’s, but you can see a lot of the stuff that would shape the new era coming.

For one thing, Bret is featured at the opening of the Rumble, as his singles push was just around the corner. This show really is more designed to set up Mania, as the Rumble itself really didn’t know its purpose yet. The title shot at Mania wouldn’t become official until 1993. The card is considered underrated, so let’s see if it lives….up, I guess would be the right term.

We open with a shot of the American flag as it’s apparently one of those shows. It’s always cool to hear the Anthem though. The problem here though is simple: the war was less than a month from being over and that was fairly obvious. The angle should have ended here with Slaughter coming in as champion, maybe having won it at Summerslam or something like that. Three months later when Hogan beat him for it the war was already over.

That was just kind of pointless. Anyway, the regular intro is just that: regular. It’s the same old thing of the participants being listed, although this time it’s by Gene. I almost didn’t recognize his voice though. The first name: Hogan. The second: Bret. That’s saying a lot. Piper always ranted with the best of them.

Rockers vs. Orient Express

This apparently is an encounter, not a match. That’s the Fink for you. I’m still waiting on the explanation of how they’re tag team specialists, yet they had far more success as singles wrestlers. They start immediately when they hit the ring which says that this should be good. Oh and it’s Tanaka and Kato the masked man here as this is the NEW Orient Express despite them having been a team in the AWA and half of the NEW Orient Express being the same as the old Orient Express.

Marty is knocked out to the floor and therefore worthless about 4 seconds in. Well it’s good to know he’s improving. He redeems himself by throwing a superkick at Tanaka that misses by about 4 inches or so. Hey Marty’s ON tonight. The Rockers hit stereo suicide dives on the Express. That’s completely unheard of at this time as Gorilla doesn’t even have a name for it here, calling them cross bodies.

We get a HUGE USA chant as we’re finally in the corners for a regular tag match. To say the crowd is hot is like saying Norcal is a bit popular around here. They are moving ridiculously fast out there with some great chain wrestling. I feel sorry for Marty as he really was talented. His partner just happens to be one of the best of all time. Speaking of which, Shawn is in now and beating on Tanaka.

They’re never staying in one spot for long at all. The crowd is insane here too so that’s a major plus. This was around the time where you realized the Rockers really were good and not just two pretty boys. Their stuff was getting to a level that was just below the Harts and could even be compared to them. That’s appropriate too because the Harts would split after Mania of this year. Shawn uses a HHH leaping knee to the face. That’s gimmick infringement boy.

They use a decent amount of rest holds, but they’re moving out of them quickly which is all I ask for. To be fair they’re all over the place in this. A We Will Rock You sing a long starts up. That’s actually something I’ve never thought of.

A sleeper gets a pop. That’s just not something you see often at all. Piper goes into a weird discussion about what is a legal vs. illegal punch/strike. Good night this is fun. Shawn goes up for ten punches in the corner and comes off with a moonsault to take out Kato. Again, that doesn’t even have a name. We’re about ten minutes into this and they’re still all over the place.

Naturally the announcers say that it’s been fifteen or so but whatever. Shawn does a freaking 610! Ok so it was sloppy as all goodness but it was the same move. They follow that up with stereo cross bodies from the top to the floor. This is AWESOME stuff. Double teaming and Fuji gets control for the Express. We get the inevitable “this is the first match!” line, which is wrestling speak for “we know the rest of this is going to suck and we’re sorry.”

The Express are using moves that were considered great when the World’s Greatest Tag Team was using them. On no. It’s a NERVE HOLD! This is the epitome of a weak rest hold as all you do is grab the other person’s neck. It allegedly cuts off the flow of blood or something and you lose feeling in your arm. Oh good it’s now a less bad chinlock. The crowd is still going nuts.

As per the Rockers’ formula, Shawn gets beaten up to set up the Jannetty tag. In a very cool and smart spot, the Express pull off their sash to use for a clothesline but Shawn avoids it. Instead he dives on it, pulling the Express together so they crash. That’s very smart. Marty comes in to get a paycheck so he can….uh…buy model trains. Yeah, that works.

He’s going to buy model trains with the money he makes tonight. Lots of them, in a dark alley. Yeah, that’s right. His dropkicks aren’t that good, mainly because at least one foot misses. He makes up for it with a jumping back elbow though so I’m fine. The Rockers “hit” a double superkick to put Kato down and go to the top.

They set for what I think was going to be a rocket launcher but it doesn’t get to launch thanks to Tanaka. The Express set for a move where Kato slingshots Marty into Tanaka for a chop. It works so naturally they do it again. This time though, Shawn hits Tanaka, allowing Marty to jump over him for a sunset flip to win it! That was SWEET looking.

Rating: A. This was greatness plain and simple. It was a bit sloppy, but this was one of the most fun matches I’ve ever seen. They were all over the place and doing stuff that wouldn’t become popular until WCW’s Cruiserweight days. The Rockers truly were greatness in tag wrestling. They would split in less than a year though, which might have been a shame. Excellent match here though and well worth going out of your way to see.

Randy Savage has a statement to make. He more or less declares himself the number one contender for the world title. He and Sean watch on the screen as Gene and Sherri come into the arena. She calls Warrior out, saying how honorable he is. More or less she tries to seduce him into giving Savage the next title shot. Naturally since he’s the Warrior and well past certifiable, he turns her down despite her being on her knees in front of him.

We do find out that Warrior’s eyes are hazel. This is just amusing to see as the acting is painfully bad. Warrior is the better of the two as the only thing he says is NO one time at the very end. To be fair though, I think this was meant to be awful. The pop for her getting down on her knees is WAY bigger than it should be.

Warrior looks odd in his gear, the belt and a leather jacket with a flag on the back. The belt is purple by the way. In the back, Savage is TICKED, destroying his locker room and sprinting off after Warrior.

Big Boss Man vs. Barbarian

This was during what was likely Boss Man’s biggest storyline as a face, as he was feuding with the Heenan Family one by one over comments that Rick Rude had made about Boss Man’s mother. It would culminate with Boss Man vs. Perfect at Mania, where for some reason that absolutely no one gets, Boss Man didn’t win the Intercontinental Title, which more or less ended him being an important character.

This is just another match so it’s likely going to be a glorified squash. Piper says Heenan is intelligent. I’m blown away. This is power vs. power obviously but they’re doing the right thing here and having them go back and forth with big shots. That’s the best way to do these if there is such a thing I guess. Bossman really was talented. Somehow this is probably the best Barbarian match ever.

Boss Man at least made you want to care about a match, which is a lot more than most characters from this time were able to do. After a decent display of back and forth stuff, we naturally hit the bearhug because it wouldn’t be a Barbarian match without one I guess. The crowd is staying in this one so I have to hand it to them. They do some more slow stuff but for some reason this is holding my interest very well.

Both hit their finishers but both opponents get the ropes. Or at least Barbarian was supposed to, but he never actually reached it. He goes for a piledriver and I think Boss Man slipped out of it or something but it looked pretty bad. Crowd is quiet now. Scratch that. I like Boss Man’s shirt coming open like it does. It gives him that working man look that I think was part of what they were going for with him. Little things like that can make a character so points for it.

In one of the weirdest endings I can ever remember, Barbarian goes up for a freaking cross body from the top but Boss Man rolls through it for the pin. Well that was odd. During the celebration they go slow motion on Boss Man on the ropes raising his arms which looks really cool.

Rating: B. This was a lot better than I expected. They took two guys of the same style and got a solid match out of them. That’s just flat out impressive. This could have been far worse but it really was entertaining. Boss Man had that it factor around this time that made you care about him and that’s exactly what happened here. For some reason all that got him was a Mania match with Perfect where he didn’t get the belt or a rematch but whatever. This was a lot better than I expected it to be.

Iron Sheik and Slaughter have a bit to say. Slaughter’s chin puts Jay Leno’s to shame. He’s just flat out creepy actually which is a good thing. He says that he’ll be the new leader and you haven’t even begun to see turmoil yet. So is he saying he’ll be an awful leader that causes turmoil? Apparently that’s an order.

Gene is with Warrior, who he calls orier. That just came out as odd. Speaking of odd, Gene tries his best to walk Warrior through a coherent promo but the guy whispers almost everything he says and it’s just hard to understand. He says he’ll win I think.

WWF Title: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ultimate Warrior

Gorilla has to give a disclaimer about Slaughter’s views, saying they don’t reflect Arab Americans or the WWF. Piper goes nuts as a patriot, talking about how the troops are fighting for freedom. There’s a complete argument there that I’ll stay out of. Piper says we ain’t talking skim milk here. I love Piper’s complete insanity. How exactly does one go bananas? Warrior really was WAY over. How did he manage to screw this up?

Warrior beats up the likely senior citizen Sheik and rips up the Iraqi flag. You have to be interested in how war validates things that would otherwise never be allowed. Warrior hits a knee lift, which I’ve never seen him do otherwise. The commentators are so unbelievably biased here it’s unreal. Slaughter really was good as a bumper. For no apparent reason, here’s Sherri with her fine self. That thing really is impressive.

Warrior’s isn’t bad either, but that could be because his tights are white which I have a bit of a thing for. She gets Warrior’s attention and he chases her back to the entrance where Savage is waiting on him. He beats Warrior up for a bit which of course the referee sees none of, despite Savage wearing BRIGHT PINK clothing against a black backdrop. Yeah that just blends in perfectly.

Ah but there’s the USA chants and the power of patriotism gets Warrior up again. Wisely, Slaughter keeps stopping the count. Roddy, being a decent analyst, points out that very thing. In a bit of forshaddowing, Slaughter does a version of the Hogan ear bit. It’s all Slaughter right now as he spits on Warrior. Yep that’s some great offense. He’s also rocking the curled up boots which are a fashion risk but I’d wear them.

A double clothesline takes both guys down. In a dumb looking spot, Slaughter follows Warrior around with his arms up for a double axe and then puts on a bear hug. You would have to see it to get why it was stupid. Ah, the powers of patriotism are rising up again! Apparently that only works for the yellow and red though as Warrior is still in trouble. Gorilla says Warrior is only half conscious right now.

Wow he’s in better shape than usual. Warrior gets out of the bear hug with a double axe that I don’t think actually hit. The comeback lasts just a bit though as Warrior obviously doesn’t love America enough. He must be a commie or something. Oh wait. He’s from Parts Unknown. Everything is explained now. The Cobra Clutch, which in this case means a camel clutch, is on put Warrior’s legs are hanging out. In a weird camera angle the referee is blocked by the guys so it looks like there’s no one there.

Why is the camel clutch used primarily by Arab themed wrestlers? Think about it: Sheik, Sultan, Muhammad Hassan, Slaughter in this gimmick. What’s the deal with that? Vince may not be racist but he tends to have a lot of racial stereotypes to his characters. Here comes Warrior’s Hulk impression as he can’t feel pain. Warrior hits a flying shoulder which Gorilla calls a heabutt. Well that wasn’t even close.

That’s by far the biggest mistake Gorilla has made that I can remember. Sherri is back again as you can see the screwjob coming. Being the genius that he is, Warrior does the same thing he did earlier which resulted in him getting beaten up. This time though he press slams Sherri as Savage runs out. Slaughter knees Warrior in the back to put him in position for a 619, but Savage blasts him with the scepter.

An elbow drop of all things gives Slaughter the title in a move that really should have come four months earlier to get maximum heat. Piper is FURIOUS. I love how the madder he got the higher pitched his voice got. Warrior runs to the back presumably to get Savage as Slaughter is awarded the title. Everyone is TICKED, with Piper being the most of them all. Slaughter the solider holding a purple belt is rather amusing looking.

Rating: D. This was all about the angle. As for the match: it was awful. Granted given the two guys out there, what were you really expecting? This was all about setting up Mania though, and it did a great job of that.

Still though, the timing of the war ending really hurt them, which is why having Hogan get it back here and then doing something else at Mania would have worked better. What that something else would have been is beyond me though. Maybe Hogan vs. Savage again or something like that, but as it turned out the moment was good, but not in the real world terms. As for this, the match was bad but the angle was good, simple as that.

Savage and Sherri are with Sean and say that this was because Warrior said no to Savage. Randy says that he’s the best ever as someone is trying to get in, presumably the Warrior.

Piper and Gorilla are mad. Monsoon is rocking some purple glasses.

Gene is with the new champion and Sheik. They cut him off as Slaughter says I told you so. That belt looks odd indeed.

Gorilla calls Slaughter the Ultimate Puke. WOW. Piper rips his own headset off so he can curse for a bit. That was one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen and it was completely unintentional.

Mountie vs. Koko B. Ware

This is cut from the Coliseum Video version and incredibly rare, but I got lucky and found an original recording of the show. I’ll go with a very condensed version here though as it’s a ten minute squash. This is the debut of the Mountie character who was either a bad comedy bit or the results of a Vince coke binge. For those that have noticed I make a lot of cocaine references, think about it.

For one thing, it was the 80s when cocaine was running rampant. Second, there are a ton of stories of Vince being a coke head at times. Third, is there any way that he could come up with half of his ideas without drug use? I mean really, Repo Man? Anyway, let’s get to the Hall of Famer Koko’s latest masterpiece. WOW this is boring.

It’s a squash, but it’s the kind that’s supposed to let Mountie show off all of his stuff, but the problem is it’s just putting the people to sleep. I have a feeling I know how this is going to end, which makes it all the more stupid to have to go this long just to get to that one moment. Yep there it is: Mountie shocks him. That’s the whole point of this match: getting that into the Mountie’s system. Wow that was brutal.

Rating: D. This was pretty bad. It was a waste of 10 minutes in what should have been a 4-5 minute match. Why did we need to see all of Mountie’s stuff? Better yet, why did we need Koko’s? This was about the Mountie, but they gave Koko all of that offense. It makes him look like he has trouble beating a simple jobber which is the last thing you want to do with a heel character. I don’t get this.

Some people talk about their relatives in the war. Ok, we get it: the WWF supports the troops. Holy throat crammage Vince let it go. Note: saying guys and gals sounds stupid. They’re girls or women, not gals. It’s not the freaking 50s anymore.

Children attempting to be sentimental should be dragged through the streets attached to a chariot and then set on fire as goats eat their flesh. Or even worse: be forced to listen to how annoying they sound. I don’t like kids on camera in case you couldn’t tell. Now regular kids I love spending time with as they’re cool, but not kids on a camera that are “so adorable.” No, they’re really not.

Apparently Hulk wanted to go to the Middle East and visit the troops but the Department of Defense stopped him so he’s going to bases in America. Not sure if that’s true, but if it is, that’s pretty cool even if it was the company’s idea and not Hulk’s.

Jake Roberts says he wants Martel.

Earthquake says a lot of people are going to come after him and he’s ready. He calls out some guys, including Hogan and Taker. Yeah that’s brilliant buddy.

Greg Valentine, sweating profusely for some reason, says bring them on.

Texas Tornado says he’ll win. I always liked him.

The LOD say that if life is a roller coaster you wouldn’t want to ride them. Um, ok?

Brother Love speaks for Taker, saying that he’ll bury 29 men. I love how so many people assume that there will be no eliminations by the time they get there.

Duggan says he’ll win. He punches his board for no reason.

Martel says he’ll look good while he wins. He’s ripped here.

Davey Boy Smith says he’s glad he’s a bulldog. Ok then.

Perfect and Heenan say that Perfect will be the last man standing.

Tugboat says he’ll jump right in the middle of things and if it comes down to him and Hulk, TOOT! That made less than zero sense.

Piper has been working with Virgil. Oh dear.

DiBiase says Virgil is more or less his slave. That looks like a face’s face to me on Virgil. Nah that could never happen though. Perish the thought!

Dustin/Dusty Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase/Virgil

Dusty and Ted had been feuding since Summerslam and Dustin had been in the crowd at SNME watching his dad when Ted went after him. The rest is about what you would expect. Dusty was gone less than a month after this, heading back to WCW though so there we are. No polka dots either. Apparently they’re Americana. Oh great. If nothing else here the two theme songs are so awesome words can’t describe it.

They’re really building up the Virgil face turn here as they have been lately. My goodness Dusty is fat. Dustin is a complete rookie here with very little experience. He was naturally talented though so he’s not bad. A big brawl starts us out here as it occurs to me how little experience Virgil has in the ring. Dustin is WAY taller than Virgil and it looks quite funny.

It’s also amusing that of these four, Dustin would have by far the most successful WWF career. The future gold enthusiast has to duck under Virgil’s leapfrog. It never really occurred to me how tall Dustin is. DiBiase says Virgil is embarrassing him and Virgil is frustrated. You can feel the turn coming and you know it’s going to be awesome. We’re about five minutes in and Dusty hasn’t been in yet.

You know what, I’m not even going to bother typing the joke here. You all know what’s coming. Dusty, I’m begging you, either put a shirt on, hit a gym, or invest in blow away. You need it. After Virgil and Dustin come in, Dustin hits his knee on the buckle and is down. Naturally (oh I kill myself sometimes) the heels work it over. Just like Jesse used to, Piper gets a bit annoyed with Gorilla’s babbling about what body part is hurt.

He says Dustin’s leg is hurt, end of discussion, and that’s why Piper is awesome. Virgil accidentally hits DiBiase and gets punched and chopped for his efforts. Dustin and Dusty are really just placeholders for DiBiase and Virgil here. As I type this Dusty goes from being dominant to getting rolled up and pinned. Well that was pretty weak. However, we have a post match angle here. Roddy says that the father and son can come back.

Granted they both did but a good many years later. Ted says that Virgil has his price and that he needs to put the belt around his waist. Oh and he insults Dusty and Dustin. The Virgil chant is massive here and the countdown is on. Virgil really is built. Piper is disgusted by Virgil giving in again and washes his hands of him. That lasts all of about 20 seconds though as Virgil throws the belt down. He eventually gets on his knees after DiBiase orders him around even more.

DiBiase turns around and Virgil blasts him in the face with the belt. The crowd E-FREAKING-RUPTS over this. For years and years DiBiase had ordered him around and made him look pathetic and finally Virgil had enough. The payoff was completely worth it here in a very cool moment that had me smiling.

Rating: B. I’m going B here because this wasn’t as much of a match rather than an angle. The angle after the match was just flat out awesome. That needed to happen and they built it up beautifully. They had a match at Mania which Virgil won by count out. The problem was simple though: what in the world do you do with Virgil now? He had no gimmick and he just kind of floundered after this, but dang it was a great moment.

Time for more Rumble promos.

Tugboat uses a bunch of boat analogies which make me think Shockmaster was the better of his gimmicks.

Smash reminds me of the Joker for some reason.

Dino Bravo says he’s not afraid of Earthquake.

Crush says no one will be safe, not even Smash.

Perfect says he’s the only perfect athlete and he’ll win.

Hogan of course gets his own special interview where he says exactly what you would expect him to say. He dedicates the match to the troops. Say it with me: Hulk will win. In between the promo, Gene gets a message saying that Slaughter has just defaced the American flag. Yeah that’s not foreshadowing Mania at all.

In one of the absolute funniest things I can ever remember, Hogan forgets the name of the Iraqi leader (Sadaam Hussein). That was PRICELESS. He dedicates the match to the troops and freaks out over the flag issue, but wait, who are they fighting again? That was great.

Royal Rumble

It never ceases to amaze me how great the pops are for the Rumble. Bret is number one. That’s saying a lot for what they knew he had. Two is Bravo as we go over the rules. His hair is dark blond here and it looks bad. Naturally Bret looks great out there. This right here is why you need to keep an eye on your midcard and tag guys (the few that are left): you never know what kind of greatness you’ll be seeing.

The tag line of OVW is Tomorrow’s Superstars Today. Considering at a WWE house show in 2002 I saw two guys named Prototype and Leviathan go at it, truer words have never been spoken. Those two would later be known as John Cena and Batista, so there you are. Bret almost immediately gets Bravo out but not quite. They discuss the Iron Man record which is a by comparison pathetic 44 minutes at the moment.

Three is Greg Valentine. He goes after Bravo despite his being a heel at the time. Hammer puts him out, and Piper starts writing stuff down just as he did at Survivor Series. It was funny then and it’s still kind of funny now. In at four is Paul Roma. For the life of me, this guy was a Horsemen? I will never understand that no matter how long I think about it. Maybe I shouldn’t try to. Maybe that’s the secret to it.

Bret is really being pushed as a big deal here which is certainly a good thing. In a smart move, Bret just sits back and lets Hammer and Roma fight. See, that’s something almost no one does but Bret is smart enough to do it. Kerry Von Erich is fifth, giving us two faces and two heels. Piper apparently has issues with calling so much action at once. There’s two fights. How is that hard? Martel is in next, which is pretty lackluster.

I guess we’re setting up the jobbers for the big name to come in and clean house. We get some heel on heel violence as this is just boring. Saba Simba comes in at seven to dead silence. Even Gorilla isn’t sure of his name. He’s cut like few others I’ve ever seen though. You guys know him better as Tony Atlas. In a dumb thing, all six guys are in one corner. That’s just not right. Tornado has the claw on Roma for no apparent reason.

In at 8 is Butch to up the level of talent out there. Simba and Model both go over but Martel saves himself so we’re still at 6. In case you’re wondering, it’s Hart, Valentine, Von Erich, Martel, Butch and Roma. Despite commentating on it a second ago, Gorilla has forgotten about Saba being tossed. These matches go a lot faster when I’m reviewing them.

Jake comes in at 9 and of course goes right for Martel who had tried to blind him recently. This led to the blindfold match at Mania which just gets dumber and dumber every time I see it.

In a funny spot, Martel tries to eliminate himself but isn’t allowed to. We hit double digits with Hercules. The ring is WAY too full right now as we need someone to come in and clear out some of these guys. This is a lot of punching and kicking and bad attempts to throw someone out. There are eight guys out there at the moment and there’s the clock.

The eleventh entrant is Tito Santana to even further overfill the ring. Roma goes out to get us back down to eight. After about a minute the clock is up again for number twelve, which is THANK GOODNESS the Undertaker. We needed a monster to clear out some of these guys, so let’s see what he’s got. He dumps Hart in about four seconds. Taker no sells the Tornado Punch as Von Erich is a pure jobber at this point despite being IC Champion very recently.

About a minute and a half after Taker gets in, Snuka comes in at 13. Ring is WAY too full. Butch is thrown out by Taker as well to get us to eight guys out there. To recap, it’s Taker, Valentine, Martel, Hercules, Von Erich, Snuka, Santana and Roberts. Valentine and Von Erich are trying to get rid of Taker. The huge amount of people in the ring is just killing this thing. Again with the shortchanging of the clock! It’s British Bulldog to get us to 9 people in the ring. That’s just absurd.

Snuka just doesn’t look right with an afro and long tights. That’s just odd. It’s the soon to be gone Smash in at 15. Well if nothing else the ending should be good. Jake goes out to get us back down to nine in there as that just sounds stupid. Martel has a freaking scary look on his face. Hawk is the first of the second half as this match is just bad. There are too many people and there’s been more or less no story at all.

All we have here is a bunch of people leaning on the ropes and punching each other. To make this even BETTER, Shane freaking Douglas is in at 17. Dang what were they thinking on this show? It’s awful. Yes he was in WWF for awhile. We finally get rid of a bit of the crap out there as Von Erich and Superfly both go out within about 5 seconds of each other. Note: I don’t think they’re bad wrestlers, but they’re just filler here and everyone knows it.

There’s no 18, and Gorilla speculates that someone was afraid to come in. It was supposed to be Savage but he was running from the Warrior so there’s your explanation that comes at the end of the match. Piper says that the 18th entrant has until the clock starts to still come in. Doesn’t the clock always run but we just don’t see it? Why am I trying to make sense of him? 19 is Animal so we have the LOD in there together.

Apparently 18 has forfeited his spot according to the great and mighty Gorilla. Hawk and Animal put out Taker and then Hercules and Martel put out Hawk just afterwards. At least the numbers are going down a bit. There’s only eight in there now with 11 more to come. Crush of Demolition cracks the twenties.

At the moment we have Crush, Smash, Martel, Valentine, Animal, Santana, Davey Boy, Shane and Hercules and all of them are joined by Duggan at 21. He throws the board down and I guess we’ll call it runs to the ring.

Twenty two is Earthquake. Please, I beg of you, get rid of some of these guys! He takes out Animal pretty quickly. About maybe 80 seconds after Quake comes out, the Perfect entrant is in at 23. Even Piper thinks something is wrong with the clock. Perfect is more or less crawling to the ring. It took about 30 seconds to get there. That’s saying a lot. He does take out Duggan so that’s better than nothing I guess.

Wow we’re running low on people left to come in. They’re talkinga bout how long some of the people have been in there and it really is impressive. The twenty fourth is HOGAN! Yep, he should get a few people out. He gets a massive pop, so naturally he gets beaten on by Smash and Perfect. Never mind as Smash is gone almost immediately. He’s on Earthquake now as I don’t remember seeing a crowd freak out that fast after being dead for so long before.

The twenty fifth is Haku as we’re really getting close here. Hogan puts out Valentine who was in there for forty four minutes, just shy of DiBiase’s record. Martel just looks dead out there. Neidhart comes in next to get us down to four to go. Tito punches the heck out of Earthquake and is then thrown over with ease. Oh look. It’s Luke in at 27. Bets on how bad this will go anyone? He steps in, Quake grabs him and takes him to the other side of the ring and he’s gone in four seconds.

Well then there you go. To his credit he never stopped marching. Quake actually uses a full nelson on Hogan. Wow that’s like, a real wrestling move. That’s surprising. Nasty Boy Knobbs is the first of the final three. Man was the Brawler busy or something tonight? The penultimate spot goes to Warlord as absolutely nothing of note is going on here. Hercules is dumped out. Hogan tosses Crush as I just want to get to the end of this now.

Martel has the Iron Man record. Hogan knocks out Warlord as we’re at the last countdown of the match, and number 30 is Tugboat, thereby confirming that Savage no showed. Ok, so remaining in the match we have Hogan, Earthquake, Tugboat, Martel, Perfect, Douglas, Knobbs, Bulldog, Haku and Neidhart. See what I mean when I say this isn’t much of a Rumble? They figure out that Warrior ran Savage off. Knobbs throws out Douglas.

Wow that kind of shows where his career was at. Tugboat picks up Hogan and dumps him to the apron, so Hogan throws him out. He would turn heel in a few months based mainly on this, becoming Typhoon and more or less saving his career, before a good bit of electrocution ended that. Bulldog hits an amazing dropkick on Perfect to put him out. Perfect was sitting on the top rope and Smith caught him with at least one foot square in the face. That was impressive.

Martel actually puts Neidhart out clean. That’s very surprising. Smith puts Haku out with a backdrop as we’re trying to get rid of the jobbers. Smith follows that up with a clothesline to put Martel out to a pop. That’s saying a lot that the fans noticed that. I’m proud of them for that one. That gets us to the final four of Smith, Hogan (there’s a pairing that could have been interesting to say the least), Earthquake and…..Brian Knobbs?

And people say Hogan didn’t do good stuff for his friends. The heels team up and knock out Smith to get us to three. Hmm, I never thought I’d see this: Hogan stuck against two heels. I mean, this could never happen! How could he possibly get out of this one??? To further secure the Hogan victory, Earthquake hits the Earthquake and of course pops up. Piper cheering Hogan is just flat out wrong on so many levels. A boot takes out Knobbs and it’s Hogan vs. Earthquake.

Surprisingly they go at it for awhile with Quake dominating. And of course Hogan winds up winning it. After another Hulk Up, Hogan knocks out Quake with a clothesline. A HUGE celebration ends with Hogan waving the flag to emphasize America is Great angle of the show.

Rating: D+. This was just bad. It was boring for the most part with Hogan’s winning being about as obvious as you could possibly imagine. Martel was the only running story and you knew he wouldn’t stand a chance at all. Seriously, Brian freaking Knobbs was in the final three. How does that make a good match? It felt like a bunch of jobbers just killing time for Hogan, which is exactly what it was. That doesn’t make a good Rumble at all.

Overall Rating: C-. We have a great opening match, a decent match, a bad squash, a very bad title match that was all about building up Mania, another bad match and a very lackluster Rumble. My goodness that Rockers/Express match carried a lot of this show, and that’s just not a good thing.

It’s just not that good overall and while it has some moments, it’s just not there. I think Vince started realizing that this formula wasn’t working and he needed to change a thing or two, and DANG did he ever for next year. This show isn’t worth seeing, but the Rockers vs. Express match is must see stuff.

 

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Impact Wrestling
Date: December 28, 2019
Hosts: Josh Matthews, Scott D’Amore

It’s the Best Of 2019 and that means we could be in for an interesting night. There have been some good things going on this year and hopefully we can see where things are going to be heading in the future. Impact has had a solid year and now they can showcase it a little bit. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Josh and Scott welcome us to the show, which is week #1 of 2.

From Homecoming:

Eddie Edwards vs. Moose

Falls Count Anywhere. Eddie jumps him during the entrances, as he should because he’s not the kind of guy who would wait for a bell here. Moose catches the suicide dive though and Eddie gets TOSSED into the steps. Back to back powerbombs on the floor and apron give Moose two and it’s time to load up the steps, plus a piece of barricade between the ring and the regular barricade.

Another powerbomb is countered and Eddie takes it back to the floor, this time heading into the crowd. The fans want them to come OVER HERE, though I’d settle for a camera staying on them. What looked like a beer can to Moose’s head makes him walk even more but Moose whips him into some steps to the upper deck. Eddie of course hits a dive off the balcony but would rather chop Moose than cover him.

Back to ringside with Eddie getting knocked off the apron, sending him face first into the barricade. A bunch of chairs are thrown in and Moose posts Eddie to keep him down. Eddie is busted open (as he should be) and Moose bites at the cut (as he shouldn’t be). For some reason Moose goes up, allowing Eddie to pelt a chair at his head. The chairs are piled up and a top rope superplex drops both guys onto them for the huge crash.

Back up and they chop it out with Moose taking off the glove for good measure. Moose charges but gets backdropped onto the aforementioned piece of barricade. Eddie takes him back inside and grabs a kendo stick for the real beating. Cue Alisha Edwards to take the stick away…and beat on Moose instead. The big stick shot from Eddie sets up the DDT for the pin at 13:13.

Rating: B-. This was pretty close to the violent fight that it should have been and hopefully it wraps up the feud once and for all. There’s no reason to keep things going and Eddie winning is a pretty definitive finish. Alisha accepting Eddie’s violence and helping with the beatdown was a nice touch, especially since there was no Raven to get involved here.

Happy Holidays from Impact Wrestling.

Some wrestlers talk about their favorite Christmas memory.

From Bound For Glory.

X-Division Title: Daga vs. Jake Crist vs. Tessa Blanchard vs. Acey Romero vs. Ace Austin

Crist is defending in a ladder match and the debuting Acey weighs about 400lbs. Jake gets stared at to start until Ace and Daga superkick Romero into the corner. Tessa unloads on Crist and hits the suicide dive to the floor to take him out. She does it two more times, only to have Ace dive onto both of them. Romero dropkicks Daga, who corkscrew dives over Romero to take everyone down on the floor.

Tessa and Daga fight over the ladder so Romero dives onto it to…well really just hurt himself. The ladder is brought in and it’s a Codebreaker into a Backstabber to put Crist on the floor. Romero comes back in (WAY too soon) and gets dropped with a cutter. Worry not though as he’s right back up and bringing in another ladder. Crist hits Romero in the head with a chair and a kick manages to knock him down. Austin suplexes Crist off the ladder so Daga makes his own save and beats up Austin for a bonus.

Tessa is back in with a springboard dropkick to knock Austin outside but Romero Samoan drops her off the ladder. Daga teeter totters the ladder into Romero’s face and then bridges it between the ring and the barricade. Let’s throw in a table for a bonus (and a spot on a Bingo card) but before it gets used, Romero hits a Tower of Doom onto almost everyone else.

A powerbomb sends Austin hard into the ladder and Romero teases to climb, but pulls out another one to climb two at once. Crist breaks that up with a super cutter, leaving us with Tessa and Daga for the double climb. Austin shoves both of them down but gets Death Valley Driven by Daga. That’s not it as Daga hits a running Canadian Destroyer to Crist on the bridged ladder.

Romero goes up but Tessa shoves the ladder over to DESTROY the table, with the ladder crashing over the top as well. Tessa is all alone but here’s the rest of OVE to make the save but Tessa hurricanrana Madman Fulton into the ladder. Jake is knocked through another table but Austin hits Tessa with his baton and steals the title at 17:24.

Rating: B. This was a lot of fun as they didn’t waste time setting up spots and flew from one thing to another. The selling wasn’t around but when you just ignore it for most of the match, it kind of starts to work in a weird way. That being said, they have to give Tessa the win at some point because you can only tease it so many times before the fans stop caring. They cared here, but I’m not sure how much longer that can happen. Romero did well here, though you can hear Fallah Bahh crying from here.

Wrestlers discuss Christmas traditions.

We’re also doing some awards this week, with Taya Valkyrie being named Knockout of the Year. Who else was it going to be? Other than maybe Tessa? Anyway, Taya and her dog are rather pleased.

Wrestlers talk about Christmas carols.

From Homecoming.

Tag Team Titles: LAX vs. Lucha Bros

LAX is defending and there’s no Konnan in sight. Fenix and Santana start things off in a feeling out process. A very fast armdrag sends Santana into the ropes for a kick to the back from Pentagon and it’s a double superkick on Santana with Fenix hitting a crazy hard suicide dive on Ortiz. Santana gets back up and sends Fenix outside for a kick to Pentagon’s head, followed by the backsplash from Ortiz.

Pentagon goes outside as well and Santana hits a top rope Asai moonsault to take him right back down. Back in and a Lionsault/legdrop combination gets two on Pentagon as they’ve certainly started fast. Fenix saves his brother from a double suplex and the champs are sat outside on the ramp. Pentagon throws a charging Fenix onto both of them before hitting his own no hands flip dive onto the pile.

Back in and a Codebreaker/top rope double stomp combination gets two on Ortiz. Santana comes back in and hits a reverse powerbomb into a top rope splash but Pentagon runs in for the crazy save with a step up Canadian Destroyer (GEEZ) to put everyone down. Ortiz and Pentagon slap it out and it’s a series of running kicks to put all four down again.

The Bros get back up first with the spike Fear Factor to Santana, though Ortiz is a bit late with the save and Santana has to kick out on his own. The Street Sweeper hits Pentagon with Fenix diving in with a dropkick for the save. A rolling cutter into a Codebreaker into a superkick finishes Fenix out of nowhere to retain the titles at 10:48.

Rating: B+. It’s the most entertaining thing on the card so far but this didn’t hit the heights they should have reached. It needed another five to ten minutes as I was expecting this to be nearly twice as long. What we got was good, but it wasn’t built up, making the match feel like it was designed to be a classic instead of just being a classic. Very good, but it could have been a lot more.

Wrestlers talk about their favorite gifts.

Willie Mack is named Star to Watch in 2020.

From Cali Combat on August 23.

Willie Mack vs. Trey Miguel

They circle each other to start and we get a handshake, resulting in Mack being pulled into a headlock. Willie reverses into a Samoan drop into a standing moonsault as the audio and video are a little out of sync. Trey blocks a running chop in the corner and hits a springboard hurricanrana to send Willie into the other corner.

Mack is right back up with a reverse Cannonball in the corner. The Stunner is blocked so Trey grabs a jumping neckbreaker for two instead. They slug it out from their knees with Mack getting the better of it, only to get caught in the corner for a Cheeky Nandos kick. Trey goes up top but dives into a Stunner for the pin at 5:24.

Rating: C+. This was just a way to showcase Mack as he (mostly) hit the cool finisher for the pin. I’m not sure how far he can go, but the talent and charisma are going to be enough to drive him pretty far up the ladder. Trey held up his end here too and it was a rather nice little match.

Wrestlers on what they want for Christmas.

From Bound For Glory.

Michael Elgin vs. Naomichi Marufuji

Or Marufugi according to the name graphic. Come on with that stuff people. Neither can hit a chop to start so Marufuji misses some chops and kicks to get us to an early standoff. Elgin misses a charge in the corner and gets chopped a bit but he catches a charging Marufuji in a suplex. A missile dropkick sends Marufuji flying for two and the fans aren’t pleased with Elgin being in control. They chop it out with Marufuji knocking him to the floor and hits the big flip dive.

Back in and a running stomp to the head gives Marufuji two but he has to flip out of a German suplex attempt. Elgin sends him into the ropes and snaps off the German suplex this time, setting up a Falcon Arrow for two. They trade kicks to the head and it’s a double knockdown with Marufuji in the better shape of the two. A sunset bomb to the floor is blocked so Marufuji superkicks Elgin in the back of the head instead.

Sliced Bread on the floor gets a nine so it’s a top rope stomp to the back of the head for two (counting in wrestling is weird). There’s a dragon suplex to drop Marufuji and a discus lariat takes his head off. Splash Mountain gets two and the shock is strong. Another Sliced Bread drops Elgin again but Marufuji can’t get him up for a tiger bomb.

Instead it’s time to slug it out again with Marufuji picking up the intensity of the strikes to take over. That’s fine with Elgin, who blocks a kick and powerbombs him down for two. The buckle bomb into the Elgin Bomb gets two and Elgin is STUNNED in a great visual. The Burning Hammer finally puts Marufuji away at 18:04.

Rating: B. Yeah that’s what you should have been expecting here as they beat the fire out of each other for the better part of twenty minutes. Elgin is just such a powerhouse and I’ve liked Marufuji from the times I’ve seen him before. It isn’t the style of wrestling I like most of the time but for a one off, this was very entertaining.

The Moment of the Year is Sami Callihan winning the World Title on the AXS TV.

From Impact, October 29.

Impact Wrestling World Title: Sami Callihan vs. Brian Cage

Cage is defending in a cage….match. Callihan (with Melissa written on his vest) kicks the cage door into his head to start but Cage is right back with a powerbomb into the cage wall. Sami finally escapes and gets inside where he locks the cage, thinking that Brian can’t climb the wall. That stupid plan falls apart in about three seconds so Callihan gets in a baseball bat shot to take over.

Cage is busted open and Callihan bites at the forehead, followed by some bat shots to the ribs. Another running bat shot just wakes Brian up and a missed charge sends Sami into the steel. Back from a break with both of them down again until they start exchanging some strikes to the face. A spit slap annoys Cage even more but Callihan drops him with a clothesline for two anyway.

The Cactus Special gets one though as Cage is livid again. A powerbomb into a buckle bomb looks to set up the Drill Claw but Sami reverses into a small package for two. Sami hits a series of hard knees and kicks to the head, setting up rolling piledrivers….for two more. Yeah we’ve reached the ridiculous point, especially if Sami wins here. Cage is back up with a discus lariat for two of his own but Callihan crotches him on top. The super Cactus Special gives Callihan the pin and the title at 14:06.

Rating: B-. They went one near fall too many here and it took me out of the match a bit, but they did a good job of making Callihan look like the monster to finally stop Cage. He seems to be Cage’s Kryptonite and that is a good role for Callihan to play. You had to give him a World Title reign at some point and they pulled the trigger at the right time. It was a good enough match too and they have had a good story to get here.

Overall Rating: B+. This is the kind of show that works like a charm most of the time and Impact had the matches this year to make it work. They’ll be doing something similar next week and it was nice to have this kind of talent getting the attention it deserves. I liked this one quite a bit and it was entertaining throughout, which is the point of a show like this.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

205 Live
Date: December 27, 2019
Hosts: Aiden English, Tom Phillips

It’s another Best Of 2019 show this week and really, that’s the best thing that can happen to this show. Well outside of just giving up on it and moving the whole thing over to NXT, but since that doesn’t seem to be an option, I’ll take anything I can get out of it at this point. There is a lot of good stuff to pull from in the year so let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

The hosts welcome us to the show and throw us into the first match, which is #4 on the countdown.

4. July 16.

Jack Gallagher vs. Chad Gable

Rematch from over a month ago where Gable won via countout (and maybe by accident). After a handshake, Gable takes him to the mat to start but Gallagher is right back up with a wristlock. An early chinlock doesn’t do much for Gable as Gallagher gets up again and spins back into the second wristlock early on. More spins keep Gable confused and some nitwitted fans call this boring.

We get the headlock takeover into the headscissors sequence a few times until Gallagher snaps off a good armdrag to make Gable’s eyebrows go up. Gallagher is right back on the arm but Gable jumps for an armdrag of his own into an armbar to put Gallagher down for a change. Another armbar from Gallagher is reversed with a British Bulldog deadlift and Gallagher bounces hard off the mat. One heck of a belly to belly gives Gable two more and it’s time to start in on Gallagher’s knee.

A hard dragon screw legwhip sets up a standing leglock and Gallagher is in trouble. His leg is fine enough for a dropkick and a rather British sneer. The delayed vertical suplex gets two on Gable and Gallagher busts out a Kimura of all things. Gable gets out so Gallagher sends him outside for a whip into the barricade. The suicide dive doesn’t work on Gable for some reason as Gallagher bounces off of him and gets suplexed on the floor, just like last time.

Gable doesn’t want it that way and throws Gallagher back inside, where it’s a small package to give Gallagher two. Gallagher is right back in trouble with an ankle lock into a grapevine (BUT THEY MADE JASON JORDAN KURT ANGLE’S SON BECAUSE IT WAS FUNNY!) but he manages a rope. The rolling Liger kick stuns Gallagher, who bounces back with a headbutt for two and they’re both down.

They slug it out with Gallagher getting the better of it (ignore the camera catching the tarped off side of the arena) but charging into a sitout Dominator for two more. Gable’s moonsault hits raised feet and Gallagher’s running corner dropkick gets two as Gable gets a foot on the rope. Gable goes up but Gallagher, with a big bruise on his upper thigh, tries a belly to back superplex. That’s reversed into a crossbody to crush Gallagher and it’s Rolling Chaos Theory to finish Gallagher at 16:10.

Rating: B+. Good grief HOW DID THEY NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WHAT GABLE??? The guy is in great shape, has more charisma than he knows what to do with and is an Olympic wrestler. Oh but WWE could make a joke about Angle’s taste in women so they went with that instead of something that makes sense. This was an outstanding match as they beat each other up with counter after counter and had the fans digging everything going on. This was a great match and Gable needs to be on the main roster right now (and getting pushed for a change). Gallagher was his usual awesome self too and the result was awesome.

Post match Gable lets Gallagher have the ring for a bow to end the show.

3. July 30

Drake Maverick vs. Mike Kanellis

Unsanctioned. Drake comes out to the 205 Live theme instead of his own song. Mike jumps him from behind during the entrances and Drake gets sent into the set. More whips send Drake into the barricade and Mike puts a sign in his face for a bonus. Since the bell hasn’t rung yet, Mike thinks that’s enough for a forfeit. Drake gets in and says ring the bell so Mike kicks him into the corner.

Mike shouts about following Drake’s rules for too long before sending him outside again. Another whip into the barricade takes Maverick down again and Mike does it a few more times for good measure. Drake gets sent face first onto the announcers’ table as Mike shouts about 205 being his brand. For a bonus, Drake gets put into a chair and superkicked out of it so Mike can be alone in the ring. A single right hand drops Maverick back inside and a huge clothesline….gets no cover as Kanellis takes Maverick’s belt off.

The whipping is on, followed by a sleeper to bring Maverick back to life (that hold has the worst success rate) and he sends a charging Kanellis to the floor. Another charge lets Kanellis catch Maverick though and it’s a swing into the barricade. Mike still won’t finish it though as he would rather go over and grab the Maria wanted posters off the announcers’ table. One of those goes into Maverick’s mouth but that fires Maverick up again. Maverick slugs and stomps away, setting up a running basement dropkick in the corner.

Now it’s Maverick whipping him with the belt and the suicide dive connects. A DDT onto the announcers’ table drops Kanellis again but the elbow drop from the barricade only hits table. Back in and Mike loads up his swinging neckbreaker but puts Drake on top instead. The super Razor’s Edge is countered into a super hurricanrana, setting up a Dudley Dog for the pin at 12:49.

Rating: C+. I wasn’t sure what to think of this one but the more I think about it, the more I like it. They weren’t hiding what was going to happen in the end but it was entertaining on the way there. Maverick shouldn’t be wrestling all the time because he’s small even by 205 Live standards, but using him sparingly is fine as he has a ton of charisma and can go well in the ring. It told a nice story, as Kanellis’ career continues to die more and more.

2. November 1

Lio Rush vs. Raul Mendoza

Non-title. Rush headlocks him down to start and the cockiness is on full display. A kick to the head misses and Tom refers to Raul as Luis Mendoza in a Mighty Ducks reference. What is with commentary being so off on Friday? English was a disaster on Smackdown and now this. Are they that worried about the Saudi situation?

Rush snaps off a hurricanrana to the floor and follows with a suicide dive to shot off. Back in and Rush shouts at the crowd and the silence is nearly deafening. It’s too early for the Final Hour though and Mendoza hits an enziguri to catch him on top. A suplex into a swinging neckbreaker gets two and a running dropkick is good for the same. We hit the chinlock as the fans start cheering for English.

Back up and Raul hits a hard clothesline for two more but Rush grabs a jawbreaker. That just earns him a running boot to the face to give Raul another two but Rush is smart enough to roll to the apron as Raul goes up top. They slug it out on the apron with the fans finally getting into something.

Rush knocks him to the floor though and hits the bottom rope moonsault, only to bang up the ribs even more. Back in and Rush hits some forearms, followed by a series of strikes for a near fall. Raul gets in a dropkick for two but Rush rolls into a half crab of all things. The rope is grabbed but Raul’s knee is done, allowing Rush to hit the springboard Stunner and the Final Hour for the pin at 14:36.

Rating: C+. Another technically fine match in front of a crowd that absolutely does not care. Rush is someone who can do a lot of things in the ring but his calling really seems to be as a loudmouthed guy hype man. It’s a lot more memorable than someone else with suicide dives and frog splashes. 205 Live is full of them and while Rush is impressive, it isn’t like he’s one of a kind.

1. December 11 (NXT)

Cruiserweight Title: Angel Garza vs. Lio Rush

Rush is defending and we get the Big Match Intros, as we certainly should for something like this. Rush jumps him before the bell though and it’s a brawl to start until Garza spears the champ through the ropes. A tackle into the steps has Garza down but he drops Rush face first onto the apron to take over. Garza can’t TAKE OFF HIS PANTS though as Rush tackles him down and starts the rapid movements. He gets caught in the corner though and a superkick gives Garza two more.

Garza sends him outside though and we take a break. Back with Rush getting in a shot to the face to put Garza on the floor as well. That means a moonsault to the floor as the pace slows a bit. A slingshot reverse suplex is reversed into a crossbody for two on Garza but he catches Rush with an enziguri on top. That means the super Spanish Fly for a very close two, followed by an exchange of superkicks for the double knockdown.

It’s Rush up first with a Wing Clipper of his own for a near fall of his own but Garza puts him in an electric chair. For some reason Garza drops him onto the ropes so Rush bounces right back with the Stunner. The Final Hour connects but Garza crawls to the floor…..AND RUSH TAKES OFF GARZA’S PANTS! Another Final Hour to the floor only hits knees though and the Wing Clipper gives Garza….two. In a smart move, Garza grabs the underhook again and pulls back for the tap and the title at 15:17.

Rating: B. This was an intense, back and forth match with Rush trying as hard as he could but ultimately being beaten by the better man. That being said though, it isn’t exactly an interesting feud and while Garza has been impressive, he just feels like the next guy to hold the title. It’s way better than whatever they would do on 205 Live, but the title still doesn’t serve much of a purpose other than filling in time on these now double length shows.

The hosts wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. And thus ends another year of 205 Live with…a show I don’t think I liked as much as last week’s. I’m not so sure that this was another of the four best matches of the year, though the last one was rather good. It’s a fine show, but there is no hiding the fact that the best 205 Live match of the year didn’t take place on 205 Live. I’d hardly call that a good sign for the future, though this show has been all kinds of resilient, at least at staying alive. It’s not much to go on but around here, you take what you can get.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Smackdown
Date: July 28, 2005
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

With the Great American Bash out of the way, the only thing left to do is head towards Summerslam. Raw is already out in front though, meaning Smackdown will need to start adding in some matches sooner rather than later. They still have a lot of time to do so and a lot of that can start here. Let’s get to it.

Here are last week’s results if you need a recap.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Theodore Long in the ring to thank us for watching the Great American Bash. I didn’t know Long was into torture. He recaps some of the bigger events from the show, including the Undertaker becoming the new #1 contender. Therefore, at Summerslam, it will be….something that is cut off by JBL. He isn’t happy because Long is forgetting the main event of the Great American Bash where he defeated Batista.

JBL did everything he promised to do but Batista getting himself disqualified prevented him from becoming World Champion. Therefore, Long needs to name him #1 contender again. Long agrees, but the title match isn’t coming at Summerslam. Hang on though as there was a clause in the contract saying that if JBL won, which he did, he would get the first shot at Batista. Long doesn’t like the threats of lawsuits so tonight it’s JBL vs. Undertaker for the Summerslam title shot. Better than a triple threat at least.

Christian/Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T./Chris Benoit

Combination of two Bash matches and Jordan’s shoulder is taped up. It’s a brawl to start with the villains being knocked out to the floor in short order. Booker throws Jordan back inside and Christian has to break up a Crossface attempt. We settle down to Benoit chopping the other Canadian and then grabbing a headlock takeover.

Back up and more chops have Christian rocked so Jordan grabs the boot to bring Benoit down. Jordan comes in for an elbow to the face and a Christian distraction lets Jordan go to work on the turnbuckle pad. The Anaconda Vice has Benoit in more trouble and Christian’s neckbreaker gets two. A chinlock keeps Benoit in trouble until he suplexes his way to freedom and brings in Booker.

The Book End gets two on Christian with Jordan making the save, earning himself a knock to the floor. Back from a break with Booker getting two on Christian and hitting some chops. After ignoring a Benoit tag request, Booker hits the spinebuster and Spinaroonis up. Jordan comes back in for a rake to the eyes so Christian can get two off a reverse DDT.

We hit another chinlock but Christian dives into a kick to the face for the double knockdown. That’s enough for the hot tag to Benoit to snap off the suplexes, including sending Jordan onto Christian. A bunch of German suplexes put the villains down again and it’s the Swan Dive to Jordan’s bad shoulder for two. The Crossface makes Jordan tap.

Rating: C+. The ending is what mattered here as it gives us a reason to set up Benoit vs. Jordan in a rematch where Benoit should certainly win the title. Other than that we have Christian vs. Booker continuing, though I’m not sure how much more of that needs to take place. The match was a rather nice formula tag and didn’t feel as long as it was, which is always a plus.

Heidenreich isn’t sure if he can be the next Hawk but Animal says be yourself. He then gives him a haircut to look more like Hawk.

Video on Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio from Sunday.

Heidenreich/Animal vs. Chris Hamrick/Chuck Sealy

Non-title, Heidenreich has Hawk’s haircut and it’s Doomsday Device for the pin in about thirty seconds.

MNM want their titles back but Melina say they need to worry about putting a positive spin on things. They have a new publicist and are going to be on the cover of next month’s Smackdown Magazine. For now though, they need to have a fixer, who fixes things. They’ll meet her later tonight. That would be the debuting Jillian Hall, who announces Melina vs. Torrie II with Jillian there to counter Candice Michelle. Oh and Jillian has huge and disgusting growth on her face. After the women leave, Mercury: “Would you?”

Rey Mysterio is in the back with Dominick, who asks what the big secret was. Rey will tell him when he’s older.

The Boogeyman is still coming.

Here are Mysterio and Dominick for a chat. Rey thanks us for the support but here’s Eddie, carrying a book. Rey says this is over and tells Eddie to stay away from his son. Eddie: “Don’t worry Rey. I’m not going to get anywhere near your son.” Eddie insists that he never loses because he’s the law. Yes he agreed to be quiet if he lost at the Great American Bash….but he lied. Now he feels like telling a bedtime story so Rey goes after him, so Eddie is smart enough to drop the bombshell in a hurry: he’s Dominick’s real father. Eddie: “I’m your papi.”

Dominick asks Rey if it’s true and Rey has to admit that it is, sending Dominick running through the crowd. Rey goes after him so Eddie gets in the ring to say the people here don’t smell so good. Now he sits down in a chair and asks for the lights to be dimmed because it’s time for Eddie’s Bedtime Stories. There was a time when Eddie and his wife were separated and Eddie had an affair. Then the woman came to Eddie to tell him that she was pregnant (with her eighth child).

At the same time though, Rey and his wife couldn’t have a child so Eddie had an idea. Instead of being the father, he became Uncle Eddie, even though there were never any official adoption papers. Eddie says that’s a big weight off his shoulders, but just wait until next week’s chapter two. This story just took a hard turn and it is now a lot more uncomfortable than intriguing. Maybe it’s having Dominick there in person or that the feud has been going too long, but this new part isn’t working.

Cole and Tazz do their serious voices, but the show must go on so here’s what’s next.

Melina vs. Torrie Wilson

Jillian (with growth) and Candice at ringside. As Tazz talks about the growth on Jillian’s face (Cole: “ENOUGH WITH THE PUS!”), Melina chokes in the corner and on the mat to start. Torrie gets two off a rollup but Melina hammers away with forearms. We hit the neck crank and get a closeup on the growth because YOU MIGHT NOT GET THE JOKE OTHERWISE. Torrie fights out but gets ax handled in the back. Melina goes to the middle rope for the dive into the boot spot but Torrie can’t get her leg up in time, meaning it hits slightly raised knees instead. Not that it matters as Melina grabs a rollup with feet on the ropes for the pin.

Rating: D-. The match was terrible, but the point here was introducing Jillian and the big joke about her. I get the idea of not having just another good looking blonde out there but they couldn’t think of ANYTHING else? This year, we’ve seen OVW talents with a gimmick of a stutter and a growth on her face, among other bad ideas. Just….come on already people.

Post match, Jillian lays Torrie out.

The Mexicools are in the backstage concessions area and apparently are supposed to be selling them tonight. The boss says get to work and leaves, but the Mexicools think it’s a good idea.

Summerslam is coming. This includes the Divas in a swimsuit car wash.

William Regal vs. Scotty 2 Hotty

Hold on as here are the Mexicools with the concessions for a segment that would get WWE thrown into a fire these days. The referee gets a drink thrown on him, followed by a beatdown for Scotty and Regal. Popcorn and nachos are included. I’m almost scared to know who came up with this idea.

Raw Rebound.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Undertaker

The winner gets Batista at Summerslam and Jordan is at ringside. Joined in progress after a break with Undertaker shouldering JBL (and his bad ribs) down. Undertaker hammers away at the ribs in the corner and a big boot gets two. More shots to the ribs let Undertaker knock him to the floor, followed by a ram into the barricade. There’s the apron legdrop for two more but JBL finally gets in a shot of his own and hammers away in the corner. The ribs are fine enough for a slam and JBL goes up, only to get superplexed right back down for two more.

Back from a break with Undertaker bouncing off the announcers’ table as Cole freaks out over Jordan’s cheating during the commercial. Undertaker fights back up without much effort and the Downward Spiral gets another near fall. JBL gets in a low blow for two, only to have Undertaker come back with the jumping clothesline. Snake Eyes into the big boot into the legdrop gets two but the referee gets bumped.

Undertaker deals with the invading Jordan by kicking a chair into his face. That lets JBL get in the big boot and a chair to the head for two, with the kickout sending JBL into a panic. There’s a chokeslam to JBL and a right hand to Jordan, the latter of which sends the referee outside. The Tombstone connects but it’s Randy Orton running in with the RKO to give JBL the cheating pin.

Rating: D+. They went into this with an actual doubt of how it was going to go and while the idea that I have to watch JBL vs. Batista again makes my head hurt, I do like Undertaker vs. Orton II. The match was the usual slow Undertaker vs. JBL fight but that’s really all you can expect from JBL at this point.

Overall Rating: D+. There are times where I look at this show in awe. I’m not sure how WWE comes up with all of these bad ideas but they just keep piling on over and over again. Maybe they need some time after all of the new names showing up but egads man, it shouldn’t be this hard. Just stop doing stupid stuff and it should be a better show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the paperback edition of KB’s Complete 2004 Monday Night Raw Reviews (also available as an e-book) from Amazon. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2019/08/26/new-book-and-e-book-kbs-complete-2004-monday-night-raw-reviews/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6