Snap, crackle or pop.

Kurt Angle/Ronda Rousey vs. HHH/Stephanie McMahon

Please don’t do it, please don’t do it, please don’t do it. PLEASE don’t let McMahon be competitive with Rousey here. You don’t have a chance like this ever day (or every few years even) and the last thing that WWE or Rousey needs is to have to sell for McMahon, no matter how great her trainer says she is or how AWESOME it is that she works out at night and has three kids and is a media queen who got where she is entirely by herself or whatever her latest campaign is between receiving all those totally awesome awards.

Again, I’m going to give WWE the benefit of the doubt and assume that they won’t manage to screw up what should be unscrewupable. Rousey can be beaten down for a bit (preferably by HHH) but this match needs to end with Rousey grabbing McMahon’s arm and snapping it like a twig. That’s what this story has been calling for and that’s where it needs to go. Angle vs. HHH is irrelevant. Just give us the Rousey that can be a big deal and go from there.

There must be someone.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

This is very similar to the Women’s Battle Royal as almost no one jumps out as a likely winner. However, this time around I’m expecting more surprise names to show up and potentially win the thing. That makes for some hard guessing though as you never know who might actually be in the match. You might get someone big but at the same time you might get someone like Mojo Rawley last year, which came out of the neighborhood across the road behind left field.

Based on the names we have at the moment though, Matt Hardy seems like the best option, but I could easily see him getting eliminated so Michael Cole can make a joke about how Hardy’s nonsense didn’t get him anywhere and he lost in the end anyway. That’s such a WWE thing to do and it wouldn’t shock me in the least. If it’s a surprise entrant, I’ll go with…..Samoa Joe, even if him returning on “Raw” would make more sense.

It’s like Summerslam 1993 all over again.

Smackdown World Title: AJ Styles(c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Now if the Bryan/McMahon match had the potential to be great or a mess, this one is even stronger. They’ve built this up as a dream match for several months now and really, I’m not sure how well it’s going to go. If they have the time to put in and tear the house down, everything is going to be fine and they’ll rock the place. If they don’t get the time though, it’s nowhere near what they’re capable of doing. The match could be great, but it’s all about the execution and which Nakamura shows up.

I’ll take Styles to retain though. This has been coming off as nearly a layup with Nakamura coming in, kicking Styles really hard and kneeing him in the face to win the title. The problem is that it seems too simple. It’s like they’re setting it up so perfectly that it doesn’t make sense to have Styles lose here. I have no idea who takes the title from Styles down the road, but I don’t think it’s Nakamura here. Just an instinct, so get ready for Nakamura’s dancing celebration.

….they couldn’t.  Right?

Daniel Bryan/Shane McMahon vs. Sami Zayn/Kevin Owens

This is one of the most dangerous things WWE is doing. Not with putting Bryan back in the ring, but possibly with having everything going off the rails in short order. There’s a real chance that McMahon turns on Bryan here, but I’m really not writing off the idea of Bryan turning. It would be the dumbest idea in the world, but that’s why I think WWE might actually pull the trigger.

I’ll go with some hope though and say Bryan and McMahon win clean to send Owens and Zayn to “Raw”. I’m not sure who would be the next boss on “Smackdown Live” as there’s no reason to have Bryan around, especially if McMahon is taking a leave of absence (which likely means he’s done) but Bryan and McMahon winning to end the story makes the most sense. A turn isn’t out of the question, but I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt this time.

This might be the match that interests me the most.

Cruiserweight Title: Cedric Alexander vs. Mustafa Ali

Actually, this might be the match that has grabbed my interest more than anything else. They’ve turned this match into something that I actually want to see and I never would have guessed that would be possible. Either guy could pull this off and it’s going to be fun to see which way they wind up going to crown a new champion.

Really though, I think they have to go with Alexander. He’s come up short too many times before to have him lose yet again. Let Alexander FINALLY get the title and move on from there. I don’t want Ali to turn heel, even if both guys have been teasing turning in recent weeks. There’s no need to turn either here though as you can wait for that for later. For now though, Alexander needs to win and we can move on from there.

This is a long term issue.

Smackdown Women’s Title: Charlotte(c) vs. Asuka

While the Raw Women’s Title match is built up as a definitive end for the Bliss vs. Jax feud, this one is more about the long term storytelling. Asuka’s undefeated streak is one of the best streaks of all time and now she’s likely going to win a main card title. However, the question then is who stops Asuka down the road. Is it Ronda Rousey down the line or Charlotte here?

But yeah, I’m not going with any kind of a surprise here as I’m taking Asuka winning the title here as Charlotte can get a rematch in a month or so. Asuka can defend a few times before setting up the real showdown with Rousey either at “Summerslam 2018” or “Wrestlemania XXXV” but she wins here. Charlotte will be fine and a heel turn with her chasing the title could be interesting as well.

Please don’t waste this.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz(c) vs. Seth Rollins vs. Finn Balor

This was almost a guaranteed layup title change (not sure who would have been winning) but then Miz became a father. Earlier this week on “Monday Night Raw”, Miz gave one of the most heartfelt speeches you’ll ever hear when he talked about looking at his daughter for the first time and wanting her to be proud of him. It almost turned Miz face on the spot and that made me wonder if things were as simple as they seemed. Throw in Miz being less than a month away from the most days as champion and it’s just not such an easy win.

I’ll take Rollins to win the title here though, as WWE seems like the kind of place that would forget what they did on Monday and go with their regular plans. Rollins getting the big win would be a nice boost for him, even though Balor needs the win more. I’d rather have Miz retain and set the record, but it would be a stretch to ignore that speech from Miz on Monday as it was that good.

With or without bonus toys.

Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Usos(c) vs. New Day vs. Bludgeon Brothers

There were rumors that this would be a TLC match and of course that’s always an option as WWE has added stipulations at the last minute before. The Bludgeon Brothers have looked like the most dominant teams in a good while despite almost never winning a major match yet. The Usos and New Day have been awesome against each other, but it’s hard to say what we might see with the monsters included.

I was going to go with the Bludgeon Brothers here but really, I could see the Usos retaining and then the Bludgeon Brothers taking the titles in a regular match. It wouldn’t make any sense and would be straight up dumb, but that’s the kind of thing WWE excels at. The Bludgeon Brothers are going to wind up with the titles at some point in the near future, but I just don’t think it’s here.

Pick from someone.

Wrestlemania Women’s Battle Royal

After all the controversy over Fabulous Moolah, it’s time to get down to the actual point…and it’s really hard to care. We just saw a much bigger and more important women’s battle royal about two months ago and now we’re supposed to get fired up for this. I haven’t been able to care about it for the most part as it’s just a match that we’ve seen recently without much else to it.

I’ll take…Bayley to win the thing I guess, as she and Sasha Banks are pretty clearly ready for a big time feud. Other than that though, who else is supposed to win the thing? A lot of the names in the thing (of fourteen announced) are just cannon fodder and that leaves a handful of options to win the match. Other than that the only real options (barring a big surprise entrant) are Banks and Becky Lynch, unless you have someone out of left field win it and then go nowhere as a result.

We have arrived. It’s FINALLY time for the biggest night of the wrestling year and that means we’re in New Orleans for “Wrestlemania XXXIV”. There’s a huge card with some top level title matches, Daniel Bryan’s long awaited in-ring return and a few questions about what we may or may not be seeing. The card is actually stacked, but it’s hard to say what we might be seeing with all of the wild cards that might be thrown our way. It’s time to break the whole thing down so let’s get to it.

Raw Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss(c) vs. Nia Jax

I figured I’d start with what should be the shortest match on the card. This story is built around the idea of Bliss bullying the much bigger Jax for both her looks and her size, which has gotten to Jax after having heard this all her life. It’s turned Jax into a monster who wants to destroy Bliss once and for all. Jax has never won a title and Bliss has taken out almost everyone else, but now it’s time for the showdown.

Based on the story that has been told, this should be Jax squashing Bliss in under two minutes. Bliss can get in a few shots, but Jax should just snap up, throw Bliss into the corner, and wreck her in short order. There’s no reason to believe that Bliss can hang with her in a straight fight. Jax needs to destroy her once and for all, which is exactly what this has been setting up for.