Impact Wrestling
Date: July 13, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero, Jeremy Borash

The big story this week is whether or not Alberto El Patron has joined LAX. Last week Konnan claimed he had but Alberto was out and couldn’t confirm the announcement. Other than that we’re slowly starting the build towards Bound For Glory, though it’s still a long way off. Let’s get to it.

Grado and Joseph Park arrive in the tiny Park Park and Park car (Park: “Three more payments and its mine!”). Joseph has a plan to keep Grado in this country: he needs to get married. And to one of the Knockouts!

Recap of last week’s ending with LAX attacking Lashley and claiming that Alberto is the newest member.

Opening sequence.

Here’s LAX with Konnan (And his “we’re serious like a late period.” GET A NEW LINE ALREADY!) saying that Alberto is the newest member. Cue Alberto to ask what’s going on because he’s not joining LAX. Konnan talks about what happens to Mexican wrestlers in this country, including what happened to Alberto in Stamford. Alberto rants about how he remembers every day but he’s not joining LAX to fight back. It’s a flat out no on joining the team so Konnan sends the troops after him. Lashley comes out for the save.

The Mayor of Orlando declared last Wednesday Impact Wrestling Day in Orlando. They also honored the victims of the Pulse nightclub shootings. Those are nice touches.

ACH is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Andrew Everett is ready to win the Super X Cup.

Super X Cup First Round: ACH vs. Andrew Everett

Everett nips up to start as the announcers talk about how big it is to have Alberto and Lashley teaming up tonight. They trade kicks and standing switches until Everett kicks ACH in the head for two. A springboard dropkick puts ACH on the floor and a top rope Asai moonsault makes things even worse. ACH gets tired of getting kicked and comes back with kicks and a dive of his own, followed by a German suplex. A running clothesline drops Everett but he pops up with an enziguri. Not that it matters as ACH comes right back with a brainbuster to advance at 6:22.

Rating: C+. I like the idea of the X-Division getting a focus and the tournament isn’t the worst idea in the world but they need to have the big blow away match in there somewhere. That’s not likely to happen in six minutes, though this is just the first round. It was entertaining enough though and that’s all you can ask for out of this division.

Here’s Gail Kim with a big announcement. In something that isn’t the biggest surprise in the world, she announces her retirement at the end of the year. She plans on going out on top though and that means she’ll be back in the ring later in the year. I’m fine with Gail wrestling again but I could go without hearing about how she’s the greatest thing in the history of the world.

As Gail is leaving, Chris Adonis comes out to yell at the Swoll Mates (who are here to promote a TV show and not wrestling) and challenge them to a pose down. The Mates are far bigger than he is so Eli Drake comes out to prevent anything from going wrong.

Demus vs. Octagoncito

Yes it’s a freaking minis match because there’s NOTHING ELSE that could be used in this spot. In this case, minis means people about Rey Mysterio’s size as they’re both taller than the top rope. Octagoncito sends him outside for a spring corkscrew dive. Anther dive drops Demus back inside but he comes right back with a slam for two of his own. Something like the West Coast Pop gives Octagoncito two and a very spinning headscissors puts Demus away at 3:57.

Rating: D+. Yeah whatever. This kind of stuff has never gotten over in America and this isn’t going to be any different. The dives looked cool but as soon as you hear “minis”, the expectations go down. I get the idea of presenting a bunch of stuff from around the world but this isn’t the kind of thing that’s going to draw an audience.

Grado hits on various Knockouts to exactly the avail you would expect. Park says we have one more chance and brings out champagne and chocolates to make things easier.

Grand Championship: Moose vs. Naomichi Marufuji

Moose is defending and Ethan Carter III is on commentary. Moose misses the Game Changer but ducks a kick to the head for a standoff. They trade big swings until Moose drops him with a hard clothesline. Marufuji gets caught in the corner as the announcers can’t get Storm to say a word.

Moose wins round one and blasts Marufuji with a clothesline at the opening bell. Back up and Marufuji finally gets in some offense, including some chops in the corner. A dropkick knocks Marufuji off the top though and round two ends with Marufuji down on the floor. Marufuji wins round two and round three begins after a break. Moose misses a clothesline and gets kneed in the face a few times. Carter, who hasn’t said a word yet, gets off commentary but comes in with the bell to knock out Marufuji with the bell for the DQ (I thought these were No DQ.) at 14:08.

Rating: C-. Marufuji wasn’t all that impressive but this round system is really getting old. I mean, it was in the first place but now it’s getting even worse. Carter going after the title makes sense but hopefully it just turns into the TV Title or whatever they want it to be at this point. Just drop the rounds though, please.

LAX wants revenge tonight.

William Weeks vs. Trevor Lee

Lee still has the X-Division Title and insists on wearing it while he wrestles out of fear of theft. With Weeks being beaten down, Sonjay Dutt is being held back by security. A double stomp ends Weeks at 1:24.

Dutt chases Lee off but can’t get the title back.

Ava Storie vs. Laurel Van Ness

Storie hammers away but gets suplexed down for two. Choking looks to set up the curb stomp but Ava slips away and grabs a neckbreaker. The curb stomp puts Ava away at 3:22.

Rating: D. Ava seems to have some potential but I’m not entirely sure on Laurel. They’ve pretty much stopped with her story and now she’s just a woman in a dress who wrestles about the same as she would no matter what attire she was wearing. The result was fine but it was nothing worth seeing.

Post match Grado heads to the ring and asks Laurel out. He praises everything about her and she doesn’t say no but Kongo Kong heads out to chase Grado off.

Alberto El Patron/Bobby Lashley vs. LAX

Non-title. Lashley suplexes and backbreakers Ortiz for two to start before handing it off to Alberto for right hands in the corner. Santana cheats from the apron though and a double suplex is good for two on Alberto. Back with Alberto hitting a reverse superplex on Santana, allowing the hot tag off to Lashley.

Diamante breaks up the spear though and Santana gets in a cheap shot to keep control. LAX works Lashley over with the double teaming until he flips out of a double belly to back and crossbodies both of them down at the same time. Alberto comes in with a Backstabber to Ortiz and the top rope double stomp finishes Santana at 13:27.

Rating: C. Fine for a main event tag match but not much more than that. I’m almost never a fan of the champs losing to a thrown together team (or almost anyone for that matter) in a non-title match and this wasn’t much better. Alberto and Lashley don’t seem to be a long term team and LAX doesn’t need to be losing like this.

Post match Alberto says he and Lashley were an awesome team but LAX jumps him from behind. Lashley smiles and walks away to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Not a terrible show by any means but nothing I’m going to remember in about five minutes. They seem to have more of a theme and idea going here though and that’s more than you could say about a lot of what this company did for months on end. Tighten things up a bit and this show could go somewhere.

Results

ACH b. Andrew Everett – Brainbuster

Octagoncito b. Demus – Spinning headscissors

Naomichi Marufuji b. Moose via DQ when Ethan Carter III interfered

Trevor Lee b. William Weeks – Double stomp

Laurel Van Ness b. Ava Storie – Curb stomp

Alberto El Patron/Lashley b. LAX – Top rope double stomp to Santana

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Looking at what is on the other end of those texts and what I’d like to see as the reveal.

https://wrestlingrumors.net/kbs-review-whats-angle-kurt/

Monday Night Raw
Date: February 10, 2003
Location: Staples Center, Los Angeles, California
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler

We’re officially in the Evolution Era and less than two weeks away from No Way Out, meaning Scott Steiner vs. HHH II. Why we’re doing that is anyone’s guess but I would assume a lot of liquor was involved. There isn’t much else set on the Raw side but we’ll likely remedy that tonight. Let’s get to it.

In Memory of Curt Hennig. That’s an especially sad one.

We get a long recap of the Bischoff Needs to Fix Raw angle, which seems to be culminating tonight because WWE can’t count to thirty.

Here’s a nervous looking Bischoff to open things up. Eric hasn’t heard from Steve Austin about No Way Out and that means he might be in trouble. Vince McMahon is on his way here tonight and there’s a good chance that he’s going to get fired. Eric starts sucking up to the fans and then demands their support. The old villains never learn.

Until Vince gets here, Eric is going to do whatever he wants to do and he’s going to start with the commentary team. Jim Ross seems to have almost guaranteed that Austin will be back but now it’s not happening. Eric thinks JR could do more and blames him for Austin not signing. JR suggests that Austin just hates Eric for firing him from WCW (there’s a reference that not many people will get) so Eric fires him.

During the break, a limo arrived with Eric waiting outside, only to find Evolution instead of Vince.

Since Lawler is on his own, he plugs his book in something that fits Lawler so perfectly.

Christian vs. Test

Test takes him down and rams his head into the mat a few times as Lawler tries to figure out how to do JR’s job. Christian snaps Test’s neck across the ropes as Jonathan Coachman comes out to join commentary. The pumphandle slam is countered into a reverse DDT for two on Test as Lawler is instantly better with someone to talk to. Test misses the big boot but hits the full nelson slam for the pin.

Rating: D. The story is helping Test a bit but that doesn’t make his matches any better. At least it’s not the same unfunny Testicles jokes over and over again, which were much more stupid than anything else. I can’t imagine they’ll put Test over Jericho in the eventual blowoff match but at least he’s getting a win here.

Christian takes Test out post match but Jeff Hardy of all people comes in to save Stacy.

JR tries to get in touch with Austin.

We recap Booker T. and Goldust splitting last week in a rushed yet emotional moment. Then Evolution electrocuted Goldust later in the night because reasons. On a well run show, this would lead to Booker/Goldust vs. Evolution but they don’t seem smart enough to pull that off at the moment.

Booker T. vs. D’Lo Brown

Yeah they’re not that smart. Booker dedicates this to Goldust but Brown and Teddy Long cut him off. Teddy says Goldust is another white man holding the man down and suggests a team with D’Lo. Booker opts to chop and punch away in the corner instead until Brown leg lariats him down. The side kick (clearly not making contact) sets up the ax kick to give Booker the easy win.

Jericho asks for a match with Jeff Hardy.

Jazz vs. Molly Holly

Molly goes right after her and has as much luck as you would expect with Jazz easily taking her down into a cross between the Muta Lock and Cattle Mutilation. Rolling butterfly suplexes get two on Molly as Lawler tries to figure out JR’s job status. A half crab cuts off Molly’s comeback and the STF puts her away without too much effort.

Rating: C. I’m not a big Jazz fan but she beat the heck out of Molly here and made it look awesome. Sometimes you need someone tough and awesome who can beat the heck out of various opponents. The problem is the division isn’t exactly deep right now and Jazz is probably already the #1 contender after winning one match. Not that she’s not undeserving of it but I could go with dedicating more time to set things up.

Jazz gives her the double chickenwing faceplant and the STF.

Steve calls JR. Fink comes up and asks what’s going on but that was Steve from Oklahoma, not Austin.

Kane/Rob Van Dam vs. 3 Minute Warning

Van Dam starts with Jamal and is quickly shoved off the top and onto the barricade in a big crash. Rosey gets in some clubbing forearms but heel miscommunication allows the hot tag to Kane. House is quickly cleaned and Rolling Thunder gets two on Rosey. A chokeslam into the Five Star puts Jamal away.

Rating: D. Just a step above a squash here as 3 Minute Warning somehow gets even less interesting and valuable every single week. I really don’t know why they’re even still on Raw other than filling in time. Kane and Van Dam are working as the oddball team and it gives them something to do, which in a way is a lot more important than having good matches.

Vince arrives and wants to know why JR is in the parking lot.

Here’s Vince in the ring for the big speech of the week. He wastes no time in calling down Bischoff and Chief Morely. Coach: “It’s been a long thirty days.” Actually it’s been a short 21 days. Starting with Morely, he hasn’t met any of the goals that Vince has set for him. He’s not getting fired immediately though, because he has a chance to keep his job. All he has to do is win a match against all three Dudley Boyz.

Morely goes to get ready so Vince asks if Bischoff has signed Austin, which apparently became the saving grace move off camera. Vince says Eric would have saved his job if he had signed Austin but Bischoff pleads his case. By that he means bringing out lesbians for HLA. But wait, because these aren’t just regular lesbians but rather bisexual lesbians. Since that’s one heck of an oxymoron, Vince fires him anyway. Vince even leads the Goodbye Song on the way out and throws in the maniacal strut.

William Regal and Lance Storm suck up to Vince after a break and he announces a new GM being hired tonight.

Chief Morely vs. Dudley Boyz

The trio wastes no time in starting the beating with a double flapjack and overhand chops in the corner. There’s a Samoan drop before the trio just stomps him down in the middle. A whip sends Morely into the steps and they bounce off his head for good measure. The Dudley Dog and 3D finally end the massacre.

Rating: D. It’s pretty unfair to rate this but obviously this was more about the angle than the “match”. This is all it needed to be though as the Dudleyz have been screwed over by Morely and Bischoff for weeks now and it’s time for them to get something back. They kept it quick though and this accomplished its goal. Morely deserves some credit here too as he sold everything really well.

Morely goes through a table for good measure.

Bischoff offers JR a handshake but he tells Eric to go clean out his desk.

Batista vs. Tommy Dreamer

Batista Bomb and we’re done in 22 seconds.

Booker T. comes in for the post match save but Scott Steiner makes the real save.

Jeff Hardy nods at Shawn Michaels but says nothing.

Stacy has a new idea for Test: some personal appearances with GGW. Yes, that would be Girls Gone Wild.

Bischoff is packing up his office (as he does every week) but the Dudleyz come in to sing the Goodbye Song again.

Chris Jericho vs. Jeff Hardy

Jeff’s headlock doesn’t get him anywhere so Jericho forearms him in the face to take over. Hardy gets tossed over the top but Jericho misses a dive for a crash on the floor. Jeff sends him into the steps but gets crotched on the way back inside. A backbreaker keeps Jeff in trouble and Jericho bends the back over his knee to make things even worse.

Jeff’s comeback is cut off by a clothesline and we hit the chinlock with a knee in the back as the crowd is really not interested so far. Back up and Jericho goes shoulder first into the post, though his leg is fine enough for an enziguri to take over again. The Walls go on but are quickly broken with Jeff taking him down in a hurry. The Swanton gets two with Jericho getting his foot on the ropes. Jericho has had enough now and grabs the Walls for the tap, which Jeff has to do three different times before the referee stops the match.

Rating: C. Jeff is on another planet at this point and it’s becoming clear that he’s not getting much better anytime soon. I have no idea what happened with the heel turn from last week but he’s about as much of a face as you can be this time around. Jericho was doing what he could here but that was only going to get him so far.

Evolution is on the way to the strip to celebrate but Vince cuts them off, saying the new GM is about to be announced. Next week, it’s going to HHH/Batista vs. Booker T./Scott Steiner.

Here’s Vince to announce the new GM. Jim Ross comes out but Vince says it’s not him. Bischoff comes out behind JR, who says Austin WILL BE at No Way Out. That means JR is reinstated…..and so is Bischoff, assuming he’s will to join Vince’s signature Club (complete with Vince making it do tricks). Eric says no way so Vince puts him in a match with Austin at No Way Out to end the show. Somehow everything from the announcement of the club to the end of the show took nearly eight minutes.

Overall Rating: D. The wrestling wasn’t all that great but even worse than that is the whole Bischoff junk. Ignoring the fact that they apparently can’t count to thirty, there’s the fact that this story has been little more than “Sorry fans, but your rattlesnake is on another show.” Raw has become a mess as of late, though at least this week didn’t focus on Steiner, who has been shifted to more of a glorified afterthought role. That’s better for everyone, though it still doesn’t make for a good show.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

NXT
Date: July 12, 2017
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo, Percy Watson, Nigel McGuinness

Its another big night tonight as we have the NXT Tag Team Titles on the line with the Authors of Pain defending against Heavy Machinery. In addition to that we have Johnny Gargano making his big return to the show after Tommaso Ciampa turned on him at Takeover: Chicago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a long recap of DIY splitting up.

Aleister Black vs. Bobby Fish

Now that’s a nice surprise as Fish makes his NXT debut. They trade wristlocks to start (with Mauro calling Fish Roderick Strong by mistake) until a kick to the ribs puts Fish down. Fish scores with some strikes of his own but Black shows him how it’s done, knocking Fish outside before having a seat in the ring. Bobby sweeps his leg from the floor though and we take a break.

Back with Fish winning another striking battle and hitting a dragon screw legwhip. A half crab is broken up but Fish is right back with a rear naked choke. Black escapes and finally has enough of this, scoring with a kick to the ribs and a springboard moonsault to a standing fish. A jumping knee to the jaw sets up Black Mass to put Fish away at 11:08.

Rating: B. That’s quite the debut for Fish, who got in a lot of offense here and looked dangerous to someone on Black’s level. Black continues to look awesome as well with Black Mass becoming one of the best finishers around. It seems that he’s moving up the ladder and I could see him near the NXT Title picture for Brooklyn.

We recap Kassius Ohno and Hideo Itami having even more issues last week.

Post match, Ohno said he was tired of Itami blaming everyone for his problems since Chicago. Ohno is done talking.

The Street Profits are coming.

The Velveteen Dream was annoyed at an attempted interview.

Mae Young Classic Qualifying Match: Vanessa Borne vs. Jayme Hachey

Borne has been on NXT before under the name Danielle Kamela. Hachey has performed around the indies under the name Jayme Jameson. Jayme takes her down and works on the arm but Borne comes up with forearms to the face. Something like a spinning belly to back suplex with a leg hook puts Jayme away at 1:48. That really wasn’t a good finisher.

Last week, Sanity attacked Drew McIntyre in the parking lot. Wolfe said that Drew’s time is running out.

Bobby Roode is in William Regal’s office with the boss talking about the new #1 contender. Roode actually takes charge and suggests Dain vs. McIntyre for the #1 contendership. Regal goes with it and makes the match for next week.

Here’s Gargano for his return speech. Gargano has been thinking about what Ciampa did to him over and over and he just can’t get it. He’s ready to move forward though because he can’t control what happened but he can control how he reacts to them. Takeover: Brooklyn is coming up and Johnny has to be on that show, though he seems a bit hesitant.

Tag Team Titles: Authors of Pain vs. Heavy Machinery

The Authors are defending. Otis and Razar go nose to nose to start with Otis going nowhere off a forearm. A standing body block actually drops Razar and it’s time for a standoff. Back from a break with Akam holding Tucker in a cravate and sending him into the champs’ corner. We hit the neck crank for a good while before it’s back to Akam for a chinlock. Yeah it’s slow but what were you expecting from these four?

Tucker finally gets in a hard clothesline for the break and the hot tag brings in Otis. Everything breaks down and a rather impressive overhead belly to belly sends Akam flying. Tucker’s powerslam gets two on Razar but Akam breaks up the Compactor. The Last Chapter ends Otis to retain the titles at 11:16.

Rating: C. The match had a long stretch in the middle that wasn’t great but the rest was the power slugout that it needed to be. I don’t think anyone was really buying Heavy Machinery as a major threat to the titles and there’s nothing wrong with having them lose here. I’m not sure who is going to take the titles at this point but that could make for something interesting going forward.

Post match Sanity comes out to stare down the Authors. Pages of the Book of Dominance fall and Wolfe eats one to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. I liked this show more than I was expecting to as they’ve started setting their sights on Takeover: Brooklyn and that’s the biggest show of the year. There are stories going down that have my interest and the build should be a lot of fun. McIntyre getting into the title hunt is a good sign as he was ready for the main roster the day he debuted, meaning it would be a waste of time to not push him towards the title picture almost immediately. Throw in a heel vs. heel feud for the Tag Team Titles and we have some good stuff going on.

Results

Aleister Black b. Bobby Fish – Black Mass

Vanessa Borne b. Jayme Hachey – Spinning belly to back suplex

Authors of Pain b. Heavy Machinery – Last Chapter to Dozovic

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

First off, Happy Anniversary Becca.  Thanks for the first two of many.

Smackdown
Date: July 11, 2017
Location: AT&T Center, San Antonio, Texas
Commentators: Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, John Bradshaw Layfield

We’re less than two weeks away from Battleground and we don’t know much about the card yet. The big story so far is the Punjabi Prison match with Smackdown World Champion Jinder Mahal defending against Randy Orton, but Orton is off filming a movie. With that feud temporarily on the shelf, we’ll look at AJ Styles, who won the US Title over the weekend in a big surprise. Let’s get to it.

We open with a look at last week’s battle royal with AJ winning a shot at Kevin Owens and the US Title. Styles then won the title at Madison Square Garden at a house show over the weekend.

Opening sequence.

Here’s AJ to open things up, saying his face is an upgrade for the Face of America. Styles talks about the Open Challenge that Owens used to issue and thinks he should have one of his own. The Challenge is on and……here’s John Cena. John wants the shot right now and AJ is more than game. We hit the Big Match Intros but cue Owens to interrupt before the bell.

Owens says no one wants Cena around here anymore because his time is over. John says the usual: if you want him gone, get rid of him. Rusev runs in from behind and takes Cena down, leaving Owens to powerbomb AJ. Cena gets caught in the Accolade and the villains stand tall.

The obvious tag match is set.

Jinder Mahal vs. Tye Dillinger

Non-title. Tye starts fast and sends Mahal into the corner, setting up a springboard high crossbody, only to get caught with a clothesline. Jinder hammers him down and chokes on the ropes a bit as we take an early break. Back with Tye shoving him away and firing off his left hands in the corner, only to eat a running knee to the face. The Khallas gives Mahal the pin at 6:40.

Rating: D. And so much for Dillinger. You had a nice moment with the debut and the TEN chants but now you’re getting squashed by the guy who was the squashee until a few months back. There really didn’t need to be a break in the middle of this as it merely showed how lame most of Mahal’s offense is. As usual, that’s the big problem with Mahal: he’s nothing beyond average and there’s not much away around it.

Mahal talks about bringing diversity and having 1.3 billion people behind him. He’ll take care of Orton next week when he brings the Punjabi Prison.

Jey Uso vs. Xavier Woods

Woods hits a few forearms to the back but gets sent into the corner early on. New Day protests and it’s a triple ejection with Kofi, Big E. and Jimmy being tossed. A quick superkick gets two on Woods but the Superfly Splash hits knees. Woods comes right back with the really long top rope elbow for the pin at 2:18.

The women’s division is in the locker room trying to find out who is getting the next title shot. Charlotte threatens a ruckus if it’s Lana so Shane McMahon makes a five way elimination match for Battleground. Hostilities seem imminent so he makes Charlotte/Becky Lynch vs. Tamina/Natalya. The rest of the women leave so Carmella comes in and demands that James Ellsworth be reinstated as per orders from her attorney. Shane rips up her request.

Baron Corbin isn’t worried about Shinsuke Nakamura and says it’s going to be sayonara tonight.

Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura

Nakamura jumps him in the aisle and since this is an angle, referees break it up instead of letting the match happen. Odds are we’ll see this at Battleground.

Cena comes up to Styles in the back to talk about the US Open Challenge. Styles wants some payback from the Royal Rumble but they’ll have each others back tonight.

Cedric Alexander tells us to watch his I Quit match against Noam Dar on 205 Live.

Becky Lynch/Charlotte vs. Tamina/Natalya

Becky trips Tamina up and drops a spinning leg before handing it off to Charlotte. That doesn’t go as well as Charlotte gets taken into the corner for a stomping, only to nip up and chop away. The Bexploder sends Natalya to the floor but she sends Becky into the steps as we take a break.

Back with Becky fighting out of a chinlock but not being able to get over to Charlotte. Becky kicks away from the Sharpshooter and now it’s off to Charlotte for the chops. House is quickly cleaned but Lana pops up onto the apron for a distraction. Natalya uses the distraction to make a blind tag, allowing Tamina to get in the superkick for the pin on Charlotte at 8:40.

Rating: D+. Just a standard tag match here as Lana and Tamina get some momentum. The Smackdown women’s division is suddenly feeling rather inferior to the Raw counterpart as they seem to be trying to make new stars instead of running with what they have. It doesn’t help that two of the heels, Natalya and Tamina in this case, are black holes of charisma.

Maria Kanellis looks for Sami Zayn for the sake of an apology but no one has seen him.

Post break Sami interrupts Mike and Maria and says he won’t be apologizing. He’s been busy trying to have wrestling matches but keeps having to skirt around the two of them. Sami asks which one of them is the fighter so Maria slaps him in the face. Mike busts a vase over Sami’s head.

It’s time for Runway Walker: Texas Rangers, meaning a new version of the Fashion Files, complete with Chuck Norris clips from Survivor Series 1994. They’re in cowboy gear this year with Tyler wanting to lasso someone so they have to tell the truth like Wonder Woman. Fandango distracts Zack Ryder but Breeze lassos himself by mistake.

This makes him tell the truth, including that he wears a bra while going undercover because he’s no hippie. Mojo Rawley comes up and asks what he just stumbled into. Fandango suggests that the Hype Bros jumped them but Mojo says they wouldn’t do something shady like that.

Ryder calls Mojo eliminating him last week shady but Mojo says it was a battle royal. Ryder thinks it’s time to get back to reality and seems to suggest that Breezango does the same. In the melee, someone has stolen Fandango’s (stick) horse but they can’t decide if it was ghosts or aliens. Together: “GHOST ALIENS!” Next week: The Fashion X Files. Seriously.

Rusev/Kevin Owens vs. John Cena/AJ Styles

Rusev headlocks Cena to start and drops him without much effort, meaning it’s time to wave the Bulgarian flag. It’s off to Owens for some choking before Rusev punches Cena in the face. Back with Rusev spinwheel kicking Cena down but missing the middle rope headbutt. The hot tag brings in Styles for a quick Calf Crusher, only to have Rusev take him down again.

Owens comes in to stomp away and we hit the chinlock. The limping Rusev comes back in with the bearhug, which JBL says won Bruno Sammartino the World Title in 35 seconds in 1963 (it was a backbreaker in 48 seconds but the year is right). Styles escapes and comes in with the usual, including the Shuffle to Owens. Rusev eats the Phenomenal Forearm and it’s the AA to pin Owens at 13:09.

Rating: C. Just a main event tag here but good enough while it lasted. For the sake of the ending here, I’m glad Owens lost the title so having him take the fall isn’t the worst thing in the world. The match was perfectly fine and a good way to have two feuds together in one, though I’m only somewhat interested in Cena vs. Rusev at the pay per view.

Cena and Styles celebrate but have a staredown with Cena looking at the US Title. Cena holds up AJ’s hand to end the show.

Overall Rating: C-. Pretty much a skippable show here as there were a few things added to the pay per view card but it doesn’t feel like much of an event. Then again, given some of the stuff we might be seeing at Summerslam, I could easily live with watching a lackluster show like Battleground to get there. Nothing special this week, but there are far worse ways to spend two hours.

Results

Jinder Mahal b. Tye Dillinger – Khallas

Xavier Woods b. Jey Uso – Top rope elbow

Tamina/Natalya b. Becky Lynch/Charlotte – Superkick to Charlotte

John Cena/AJ Styles b. Rusev/Kevin Owens – AA to Owens

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Monday Night Raw
Date: July 10, 2017
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

It’s the night after Great Balls of Fire and unless something major has changed, our top face is now an attempted murderer. Last night Roman Reigns lost the ambulance match to Braun Strowman and then attempted to kill him by putting him in the back of the ambulance and ramming it into a semi truck. You know, for kids. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of Reigns nearly killing Strowman, not for a lack of trying that is.

Opening sequence.

Here’s Big Cass, with JoJo introducing him as “Seven feet tall and you can’t teach that”. Cass: “How you doin?” He’s doing pretty well because he destroyed Enzo last night. We see some still shots and a video of after the match when Enzo had to be very slowly helped through the back. Cass warns everyone up and down the totem pole that he’s coming for them, even the one all the way at the top.

No one can get on the bandwagon now because he never needed anyone here. One day, he’s going to be Universal Champion and shove it down everyone’s throat when he’s main eventing Wrestlemania and appearing on the Tonight Show. No one can touch him because he’s seven feet tall and here’s Big Show to interrupt. Show easily chases him off because we need to have Cass pass the Big Show initiation or whatever they think the upside of this is.

Here’s Elias Samson with a song for Finn Balor, which Balor cuts off in short order.

Finn Balor vs. Elias Samson

Samson slams him down a few times so Finn kicks him in the head and loads up the Coup de Grace while the announcers talk about Samson beating up a guy on the way to an Eric Clapton concert. Back from a break with Samson grabbing a seated full nelson until Balor fights up and kicks him in the head again. Finn’s next kick is countered and Balor goes shoulder first into the apron. A Fujiwara armbar doesn’t get Samson far as Balor kicks him in the head and hits the Sling Blade. The Coup De Grace is enough to put Samson away at 10:10.

Rating: D+. Just a match here and Balor going over clean is the right call. Having Samson beat Ambrose twice via interference was one thing but Balor isn’t someone you want getting pinned at this point. Samson is much more of a character than a wrestler and there’s nothing wrong with that, at least not for someone like him.

The Hardys come out to celebrate and have something to say after a break. Jeff has been talking about how the team has been having some issues of late so maybe they should fade away and classify themselves as obsolete. They’re not going anywhere though because they have magic left to work. Cue Anderson and Gallows to say they’re magic killers. Matt says they’re a little bruised and broken (pause for the pop) but we can get a referee down here right now.

Hardys vs. Anderson and Gallows

Anderson gets double suplexed to start and there’s Poetry in Motion to Gallows as we take a break. Back with Jeff eating the Boot of Doom for two but making the tag off to Matt anyway. Gallows gets in a cheap shot from the apron though and it’s the Magic Killer for the pin at 6:55.

Rating: C-. Unless I’m missing something, that’s the first regular loss for the Hardys in over two years. This would seem to be setting up the Bullet Club vs. the Broken Hardys, or at least that’s where it would be going in a more interesting world. Then again, odds are we’re getting this match again and again because that’s how WWE works.

Post match here comes the Revival to lay out the Hardys.

It’s time for MizTV with the Mizzy Awards for last night’s Intercontinental Title match. First up is Best Supporting Actor, which goes to both Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel in a tie. After they thank Miz for changing their lives, Maryse wins Most Gorgeous, Beautiful, Sexy Leading Lady. Maryse is honored and that leaves us with Greatest Man in WWE. Miz opens the envelope and is shocked to say Dean Ambrose…..but he’s just kidding because of course Miz wins.

Miz saw a lot of people running their mouths last night but Seth Rollins, the Hardys and Akira Tozawa were all just full of hot air. Last night he beat the toughest man in WWE so what does that make him? Cue Ambrose to go after Miz but it’s Rollins coming in for the real save. Hopefully this sets up Miz vs. Rollins because I don’t think I can handle Ambrose vs. Miz again.

Post break Ambrose tells Rollins that he doesn’t trust him and there’s no reunion.

Sasha Banks/Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss/Nia Jax

Bliss and Banks get things going with Alexa running away to start. Nia comes in and runs Banks over as everything breaks down. Nia and Alexa are sent outside and we take a break. Back with Bliss getting choked in the corner, followed by Bayley getting two off a kind of bulldog.

Nia gets her leg dropkicked out and Bayley snaps her throat across the middle rope. A Bliss distraction lets Nia run Bayley over and things slow down a bit. The slow beating begins with Nia sending her into the corner and getting in a splash for good measure. Twisted Bliss gets two on Bayley and Sasha avoids the charge into the barricade. Bayley rolls Bliss up for the pin out of nowhere at 9:22.

Rating: D+. The ending was rather sudden and I’m hoping they’re not expecting that to be enough to revive Bayley. She looked like the biggest loser in the world in recent weeks and a simple rollup isn’t enough to fix that. Odds are we’re heading for a multi-woman match at Summerslam and I think I’m ok with that for the most part.

We look back at the ambulance match and Strowman walking out after.

Goldust vs. R-Truth

Goldust leans over the referee to get in a cheap shot and they slug it out early on. Truth takes over with right hands in the corner but gets crotched on the ropes for his efforts. We hit the chinlock for a bit, followed by a spinebuster for two on Truth. The scissors kick connects but Truth is too spent to cover. Goldust sends him into the post and the Final Cut is good for the pin at 5:40.

Rating: D. Not the best match in the world but they were smart to do this on Raw instead of the pay per view. No matter how you look at it, they’re both older and not the best in the ring but that doesn’t mean their angle should be forgotten. There will likely be a rematch and that should wrap things up.

Here’s Kurt Angle to introduce Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar for a chat. Angle congratulates Lesnar for his win last night and says Brock surprised him. Heyman gives a quick victory speech but here’s Roman Reigns to interrupt. Roman says the three of them were all in the Attitude Era (No Roman, they weren’t.) but Angle never learned how to handle Strowman and Lesnar is never around to do it.

Reigns thinks Angle owes him one and that should be Lesnar at Summerslam. Lesnar laughs this off because Reigns hasn’t earned it. Cue Samoa Joe to say Lesnar escaped him last night instead of beating him. Joe throws in that Reigns has never beaten him and wants another piece of Lesnar. They go nose to nose but Joe stops to say Roman lost last night. Reigns: “Look at me, then look at Braun if you can find him.” Angle makes Joe vs. Reigns for the title shot at Summerslam for next week.

I’m going to assume that Strowman interferes in that match because otherwise, WWE is actually going with the idea that wins and losses mean nothing. Joe pointing out the loss made sense and Lesnar saying Reigns hasn’t earned the shot makes sense, but then they just give him a #1 contenders match anyway. That makes very little sense but you have to expect that since it’s WWE. Hopefully they come up with something, though I can’t say I’d be complaining if they didn’t just have Lesnar vs. Reigns already.

Angle and Graves are in the back with Kurt saying they got the same text. Kurt is going to go public with whatever it is next week but knows it might be the end for him. He’s even worried that his family might walk out on him. Graves says it’s not a big deal but Angle doesn’t seem convinced.

Akira Tozawa/Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar/Neville

Cedric knocks Dar outside to start and right into the waiting arms of Alicia Fox. Back inside and Swann gets caught in the numbers game and some double stomping takes us to a break. We come back with Tozawa in trouble until Alexander gets the hot tag to come in with the springboard clothesline. Neville crotches him on top though, only to get crotched as well. Cedric dives onto Dar and Tozawa kicks the ropes to make it even worse for Neville. The top rope backsplash gives Tozawa the pin at 9:34.

Rating: C. This was angle advancement to set up Neville vs. Tozawa II as well as the already announced I Quit match between Alexander and Dar to FINALLY end their feud. This didn’t have the time to go anywhere but they did what they could do to set up both matches, which isn’t the worst thing in the world.

We look back at MizTV.

Rollins isn’t worried about Miz because he’s focused on Bray Wyatt.

Bray says Seth can’t escape his past or erase his sins. How dare Rollins take his eye off Bray. Wyatt is here tonight.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt

Rematch from last night with Wyatt starting the mind games early. Seth hammers away but gets thrown into the corner for some forearms. Bray charges into a superkick for two and Seth takes him outside to start in on the hand. Makes sense after the eye poke last night. The hand gets rammed into various objects ranging from the barricade to the steps, only to have Bray counter a springboard into a release Rock Bottom.

Back from a break with Seth fighting out of a chinlock and getting in a dropkick. Bray grabs a DDT though and it’s right back to the chinlock. Wyatt can’t get in a suplex though and Rollins scores with an enziguri for a breather. The Sling Blade drops Bray again and there’s the springboard clothesline for two more.

After a Blockbuster and Falcon Arrow give Seth two more near falls, Seth has to slip out of Sister Abigail. You don’t see this much offense from a face a lot of the time and it’s kind of cool to see for a change. Bray headbutts him in the bad eye though and Sister Abigail is good for the pin on Rollins at 17:04.

Rating: C+. The hand stuff didn’t go anywhere but it was cool to see Wyatt get a second win in two nights, especially over a major name. In theory this should send Seth on to a feud with Miz, because losing back to back matches is grounds for a title feud (Right Roman?) and that’s going to be better for most people.

Post match Bray disappears and it’s the Miztourage coming through the crowd for the beatdown. Ambrose makes the save with a chair and beats the fire out of Miz.

Angle is on the phone with someone who he wants here next week to reveal something. He says he loves them to end the show. There was no update on Strowman, which was promised all night.

Overall Rating: C. This show was hard to grade as the wrestling wasn’t anything special though I don’t think it was supposed to be. Tonight was about setting up the board for Summerslam and that’s a good idea with over a month to go before the pay per view. I’m genuinely curious about the Angle story but it seems that all roads lead to Stephanie coming back to show him how business really works. Not a great show but it did some good things to set up stories for later, which is more important than wrestling on any given night.

Results

Finn Balor b. Elias Samson – Coup de Grace

Anderson and Gallows b. Hardys – Magic Killer to Matt

Bayley/Sasha Banks b. Nia Jax/Alexa Bliss – Rollup to Bliss

Goldust b. R-Truth – Final Cut

Akira Tozawa/Cedric Alexander b. Noam Dar/Neville – Top rope backsplash to Neville

Bray Wyatt b. Seth Rollins – Sister Abigail

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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NJPW G1 Special in USA Night Two
Date: July 2, 2017
Location: Long Beach Convention and Entertainment Center, Long Beach, California
Attendance: 2,305
Commentators: Jim Ross, Josh Barnett

We’re back with night two of the show, though this didn’t air on American TV until five days later. The big story tonight is the United States Heavyweight Title, which will be decided for the first time ever. Other than that we have Hiroshi Tanahashi defending the Intercontinental Title against Billy Gunn for reasons I can’t quite comprehend. Let’s get to it.

JR and Barnett welcome us to the show and recap the tournament so far. The Intercontinental Title match gets some attention of its own.

Jushin Thunder Liger/David Finlay/Kushida vs. Tempura Boyz/Yoshitatsu

Before we get going, we hit the posedown for some nice reactions from the crowd. Eh fine enough to open a show, especially when you have a major fan favorite like Liger in there. Liger puts Komatsu in a modified surfboard to start before sending him into the barricade. For some reason this gives us a Who’s On First routine from the announcers because they aren’t the best pairing in the world.

Everything breaks down with Liger getting triple teamed in the corner with a flapjack getting two. The Shotei Palm Strike drops Komatsu again though and it’s a hot tag to Kushida as things speed way up. The announcers talk about food as Kushida grabs a Hoverboard Lock on Tanaka, only to be reversed into an over the shoulder backbreaker. A package piledriver doesn’t work on Kushida and it’s time to slug it out. Something like a Pele kick drops Tanaka but he catches Kushida in a German suplex.

Yoshitatsu comes in with a missile dropkick and is immediately booed out of the building, which apparently is a big thing for him. I always liked the guy but New Japan fans can’t STAND the guy. Finlay comes back in and runs him over for two, only to get kneed in the face for the same. Everything breaks down and it’s a triple submission with a Stretch Muffler making Komatsu tap at 8:54 while Liger had Tanaka in a surfboard and Yoshitatsu was in a Hoverboard Lock.

Rating: C+. Fine choice for an opener here as the fans are always going to eat Liger up with a spoon. The guy is really entertaining (his music is worth the price of admission alone) and Kushida is one of my favorites in the whole promotion. I’d still like to know what’s up with Yoshitatsu but I’m sure it’s something he did before.

IWGP United States Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Kenny Omega vs. Jay Lethal

Lethal has bad ribs coming in. Feeling out process to start and Omega wastes no time kicking him in the bad ribs, followed by another one to the chest. The ribs (both the good and the bad) are sent into the barricade a few times as it’s very one sided to start. Back in and the One Winged Angle is broken up but it’s too early for the Lethal Injection. Instead it’s three straight superkicks (well if the Bucks aren’t going to do them…), followed by the Lethal Injection. Lethal pops back up for three straight suicide dives.

Hail to the King gets two and Jay starts in on the leg as he channels Ric Flair. The Figure Four is broken up so he tries another Lethal Injection, only to have Omega block it with a somewhat botched Codebreaker. Eh I’ll give it five and a half stars anyway. Omega is limping a bit but comes back up a few shots to the ribs. You can’t say his psychology is off. The tape finally comes off the ribs and a few knees to the back get two.

Lethal fights out of the corner and grabs a Blue Thunder Bomb but can’t follow up because of the ribs. The dragon suplex staggers Jay and the running knee to the jaw gives Omega two. A gutwrench sitout powerbomb (always looks cool) is good for the same but the One Winged Angle is countered. The counter is countered into the One Winged Angel though and Omega is in the finals at 12:58.

Rating: B. The psychology was working here, even if the finish was a bit off. Still though, these two beat the heck out of each other and the ribs vs. the knee made enough sense. That being said, there was no way that Omega wasn’t at least making the finals of this thing so it’s not like the ending was in any real doubt.

IWGP United States Title Tournament Semi-Finals: Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Tomohiro Ishii

There’s a weird visual here as Ishii is really thick but the lanky Sabre is a good four inches taller than him. Ishii forearms him in the face to start and Sabre hurts himself with a headbutt. Some hard chops in the corner have Sabre rocked but he keeps sticking his chest out asking for more.

With JR trying to figure out what Sabre is thinking, he gets in a kick to Ishii’s arm and we have a target. It doesn’t make the early strategy any more logical but at least he’s doing his thing now. We hit something like a modified Tequila Sunrise with Sabre letting go for no apparent reason. Ishii knocks him back again and hits a loud running clothesline in the corner.

They head up top and Sabre grabs a Kimura, earning himself one heck of a superplex to bring him back down. Sabre comes right back with something like a reverse cross armbreaker but Ishii suplexes him into a heap. As JR says Sabre is the “TWG” World Champion, Ishii misses the sliding lariat and gets caught in another armbar. Sabre grabs the leg as well before wrapping his legs around the neck (these holds are INSANE every time).

Ishii dives over for the ropes for the break so Sabre kicks at the arm again. That’s fine with Ishii who HITS HIM IN THE FACE. I love simple counters like that. Ishii counters yet another armbar so Sabre kicks him square in the chest. Not that it matters though as Ishii pops up with the brainbuster to advance at 11:45.

Rating: C+. Ishii is slowly growing on me but I’m in awe of a lot of those holds that Sabre throws out there. I don’t even understand how he does most of them, let alone how anyone gets out of them. It’s not a great match here but it was rather entertaining, which is all you need a lot of the time.

Los Ingobernables de Japon vs. Dragon Lee/Jay White/Juice Robinson/Volador Jr./Titan

JR basically guarantees a spot fest here. This is New Japan vs. CMLL and hopefully JR can remember which luchador is which. Volador Jr., in a mask unlike last night, starts with Naito, who keeps walking away from lockups. Instead Naito rolls straight into his pose so it’s off to Bushi and Takahashi to double team Volador, who has no problem sending them outside for an Asai moonsault.

Everything breaks down with Naito choking on the floor as Bushi chokes Titan inside. Sanada ties up Juice and Titan for kicks to the back of the tights. JR: “We don’t have any idea what’s going on either.” Titan’s comeback is cut off by Naito’s enziguri as the announcers go into a discussion of Trish Stratus’ chest. The hot tag brings in Robinson so clean house with a spinebuster planting Evil.

Takahashi eats a hard lariat and it’s off to Lee to speed things up again. They chop the heck out of each other with the fans getting into it until Lee flips out of a hurricanrana. It’s off to Evil vs. White (who I forgot was in this) with Jay getting the better of it off a clothesline. White gets cut off by a guillotine over the ropes and Evil gets in a side slam.

Everything breaks down again and it’s White getting quadruple teamed inside. Robinson makes the save and cleans house and Titan hits a top rope Asai moonsault to take out Takahashi. White gets two off a Rock Bottom to Bushi but a Flatliner is enough to give Jay the pin at 12:29.

Rating: C+. It was fun and energetic but things go down a bit when you have the announcers riffing on the match being such a mess. It also doesn’t help when there’s very little setting the faces apart and the announcers didn’t seem to know anything about them. Still a fun match, though I’m getting a bit numb to all these multi man tags.

Bullet Club vs. War Machine/Michael Elgin

It’s the Guerrillas of Destiny and Hangman Page here and they’re flanked by Chase Owens and FREAKING HAKU, the father of the Guerrillas. Well that works. Page and Elgin get things going with Adam having no problem forearming him in the face. It’s fine with Elgin too, who BLASTS Page in the face with a forearm of his own.

That goes nowhere so it’s off to the tag teams with War Machine shrugging off a double dropkick and throwing the brothers at each other. Everything breaks down and Elgin suplexes Page, followed by Rowe slamming Hanson on top of him. Hanson rubs his beard on Tama’s face, which might be approved of in some areas. Loa comes in for an Oklahoma Stampede of all things and you know JR is happy with that one.

The beating of Hanson continues with the Bullet Club taking turns picking him apart. Hanson finally avoids a charge and makes the hot tag off to Elgin for the power man offense. The Falcon Arrow gets two on Page and everything breaks down again. Tama gets in a jumping neckbreaker on Elgin but Hanson cannonballs off the top to take out the Guerrillas. A fireman’s carry/Blockbuster combo drops Hanson so Rowe comes in to hit people very hard. Page comes back in with a heck of a lariat though and the Rite of Passage ends Rowe at 11:17.

Rating: D+. This felt like they had a six man tag for the sake of having a six man tag. War Machine won the titles the night before and I really don’t think they needed to set up a new match so quickly. Since all six of them appeared on the show the night before, they really could have cut this out to let the show breathe a bit more.

The New Japan boss thanks the fans for making this special and promises to bring the company back to America…..in 2018. It’s been an impressive weekend but I expected something a bit sooner than that.

IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Titles: Young Bucks vs. Roppongi Vice

The Bucks are defending and yes, these teams are fighting AGAIN. Now at Best in the World, the Bucks had the best match I’ve ever seen them have because they spared the superkicks. Let’s see if they keep that up or revert to the form that gets them the most praise. Nick throws a superkick less than a minute in but goes with the Sharpshooter instead, sending Romero bailing to the ropes.

All four come in and no one can hit anything, including a quadruple dropkick for a standoff. The Bucks are sent into the corner but come back with a double superkick (oh here we go) to knock Vice outside. Matt hits a heck of a moonsault to the floor, only to have Nick (the announcers are getting them confused again) miss a big flip dive back inside. Nick grabs Beretta off the apron and runs him up the aisle for a heck of a powerbomb as a fan yells something about Hot Topic.

Back in and the Bucks stay on Romero as we’re doing the same “one member of Vice gets powerbombed in the aisle” formula for at least the third time. We hit the chinlock for a bit before the Indy Taker is broken up but there’s no one for Romero to tag. JR: “It’s almost like a handicap match.” Thanks Jim. A double clothesline drops the bucks and Beretta is back up to take the tag.

Matt takes a tornado DDT but the powerbomb into the enziguri in the corner cuts Beretta off. Another Sharpshooter (I’m assuming that’s a new thing for the Bucks because reasons) is broken up so Romero gets powerbombed onto Beretta for two. Romero gets in a double hurricanrana but eats a double superkick. A 450 and moonsault onto the back get two and Nick gets in a great shocked face. It’s back to the Sharpshooter (NOT a Scorpion Deathlock JR/Barnett. There’s a difference and you really should know that, even if you sound bored with this show.) but Romero makes a quick save.

Sliced Bread #2 (not a Blockbuster Barnett) is broken up so Beretta piledrives Nick on the apron. For those of you counting, Nick is on his feet twelve seconds later. A cradle piledriver gives Beretta two and Strong Zero gets the same and….my goodness we actually get tags. For what? Like seriously, for what?

Romero and Matt come in but the tagging part is quickly forgotten, allowing the Bucks to (mostly miss, though it’s fair in this case) get in a springboard flip Meltzer Driver to Romero on the floor. This is actually a tribute to Meltzer’s father, who passed away recently before this show. Romero is dead so Beretta comes back in and spits at Matt, earning himself a superkick to the face and two to the back. Another Meltzer Driver to Romero sets up double Sharpshooters for the tap at 22:43.

Rating: B-. Too long here but, again, the lack of superkicks made it a more entertaining match. Granted it was brought down a good bit by the length and the sloppiness that came with some of the ridiculous flips. I’m not a big fan of the Meltzer stuff but the fans dig it enough so it’s hard to get that mad about it. The Bucks are entertaining but hard to watch at the same time, if that makes sense.

Post match, Ricochet runs in and takes out both Bucks, saying he wanted to be here but a certain Underground fighting company (Lucha Underground if you’re a bit slow) wasn’t being very nice. He wants a shot at the titles with Ryusuke Taguchi as his partner. This segment didn’t air in America due to Ricochet’s contract with Lucha Underground.

Post dark segment Roppongi Vice lists off their five year checklist, which they’ve already accomplished. So now they’re done because it’s time for Beretta to move up to the heavyweight division.

Bullet Club vs. Chaos

Bullet Club: Bad Luck Fale/Cody/Marty Scurll/Yujiro Takahashi

Chaos: Briscoe Brothers, Kazuchika Okada/Will Ospreay

Just in case you didn’t get enough multi-man tags yet. Scurll and Mark get things going as we hear about the Briscoes having 70,000 chickens. Red Neck Kung Fu is countered by the bird pose and we hit a standoff. One heck of a chop has Marty scurrying over to the ropes so it’s off to Cody vs. Jay.

Cody tags Scurll back in but it’s back to Scurll, then Cody, then Scurll and this is the reason both shows were three and a half hours. The fans want Fale so it’s off to the big man….who tags Cody right back in. Now the fans want and get Yujiro and he tags right back to Cody. DID YOU GET THE JOKE YET??? I’m not sure it sunk in. I’m aware Cody has a bad shoulder, but maybe they should just have him sit out and have a match if you just have to get this on the card.

Okada comes in so Cody bails as we’re about three minutes straight now with no action. Ospreay is sitting in the front row having a beer before coming in to chase Cody around……for a meeting in the corner. Now it’s back to Jay and the lockup gets a pop. Cody powerslams Jay down, making me think that the comedy (as HILARIOUS as it was) was an even bigger waste of time.

Ospreay comes in and kicks away at the chest. Will misses a dive though and it’s Yujiro coming in to stomp away. Yujiro dances a bit, then Scurll dances a bit, then Cody flips us off and gyrates the hips. Fale, in his Make Jobbers Great Again shirt, sits on Ospreay’s chest for two but Scurll charges into a boot in the corner. Scurll does his big chickenwing thing, earning himself an enziguri.

Jay comes in to fire off the clotheslines and hands it off to Okada for the real house cleaning. A DDT drops Fale but Okada can’t slam the monster. The second attempt works a bit better (naturally) but walks into a Samoan drop, followed by a splash for two. Cody comes back in and eats the flapjack (hopefully with some syrup) before it’s back to Ospreay, who catches him with a spinning Stunner.

Scurll snaps the fingers, which JR calls illegal for sure. Uh, why exactly? We get the parade of people hitting each other in the face but Scurll busts out the umbrella to block the Rainmaker (how appropriate). Ospreay kicks Scurll and Cody in the face though and moonsaults over the top to take Marty out again. Will tries another springboard but Cody is right there with the Disaster Kick. Cross Rhodes ends Ospreay at 14:00.

Rating: C. This got better later on but I was getting very sick of that stupid comedy schtick. This was a great example of a match that could have been cut as Cody already had his big match and pining Ospreay in an eight man tag isn’t exactly going to reignite whatever he had going on. We already saw these people last night and it really didn’t help the show in any real way. It’s ok to let the show breathe a bit instead of cramming everything in.

We recap the IWGP Intercontinental Title match with Billy Gunn promising to bring his A game. Gunn’s A game wasn’t great at the peak of his career and I don’t think I want to see what it’s going to be like in his 50s.

IWGP Intercontinental Title: Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Billy Gunn

Gunn is challenging and no, it still doesn’t make sense no matter what. Feeling out process to start until Gunn shoulders Tanahashi away. They fight over a top wristlock until Tanahashi takes him down with a headlock. We’re four minute into this and that shoulder block is the high spot so far.

The announcers talk about Lou Thesz as Gunn suplexes him down and throws the champ outside. Tanahashi’s bad arm is wrapped around the post as I have a bad feeling we’ve already reached the peak of Gunn’s abilities. A Jackhammer sets up a top wristlock and Gunn actually adds a low superkick.

Tanahashi gets punched out of the air but pulls Gunn’s trunks down to reveal…..more trunks. I guess Tanahashi gets bored and comes back with forearms, only to get caught with a cobra clutch slam. The Fameasser gets two but Tanahashi hits a quick Sling Blade and the High Fly Flow (with a SUCK IT) retains the title at 14:26.

Rating: D-. This is a situation where the bigger problem is what else it could have been. There are a TON of names on this roster that you could have put in there (pick one of Los Ingobernables for instance) and they go with Gunn. I get that he’s a bigger American name but I really don’t buy that they couldn’t have brought in almost ANYONE else and gotten a better match. For the promotion based on in-ring work, this really didn’t work, though it did to by very quickly.

IWGP United States Heavyweight Title: Kenny Omega vs. Tomohiro Ishii

For the inaugural title and Omega has the Bucks with him. They get straight to the physicality with an exchange of strikes before Omega slaps him in the face. Thankfully he’s smart enough to stay on him and get Ishii down before he can hand Omega one of his own body parts. Ishii tells him to kick harder and even sits there for them.

They head into the crowd as we go to the Attitude Era style brawling, which makes sense for someone like Ishii. Back in and Ishii slugs away before Omega invites him to get in a kick of his own. Ishii does just that and Omega suddenly realizes that was a REALLY BAD IDEA. The exchange of loud chops goes to Ishii and a powerslam gets two. Omega comes back with some ax handles to the chest and a middle rope moonsault for the same.

Kenny hits a big flip dive over the top and the Bucks set up a table. Josh: “The Bucks with their own gimmick table.” We’ll save that for later though as Kenny goes with a top rope dropkick to the back of Ishii’s head. Ishii doesn’t take kindly to all of these chops though and starts staring Omega down instead of selling the forearms. A hurricanrana gets Omega out of trouble because hitting him in the face over and over has no effect but a short flip onto your back knocks you silly.

Ishii takes him to the apron and blocks a German suplex through the table. Instead Omega tries a dragon suplex through the table so Ishii BITES THE ROPE to hang on, only to have his teeth give way so it’s the dragon suplex through the table. That’s only good for a nineteen count so Kenny blasts him in the head with a series of knees. A final knee is blocked so Omega tries a final, final knee, followed by another knee for two.

The One Winged Angel is countered into a DDT and Ishii hits a good looking top rope superplex for another near fall. They have another slugout until Omega hits the brainbuster for two. Ishii gets in a knee of his own, followed by the sliding lariat. Naturally Ishii is right back with a One Winged Angel of his own but Omega knees him down (AGAIN), followed by a reverse hurricanrana. Another running knee to the face sets up the One Winged Angel for the pin and the title at 31:22.

Rating: A-. It’s good and had the right finish but those running knees to the face were getting on my nerves. The best positive about this match was how fast it went by. There are several matches with this much time that feel close to twice this long but this one flew by like it was half the time. Ishii was a good foil for Omega here and the win feels important, even if it was fairly obvious.

Post match Cody comes out and snatches the belt away from Kenny, only to wrap it around his waist instead. The rest of the Bullet Club comes out to celebrate as Kenny grabs the mic. He’s hard a bunch of hardships this year but what separates the Bullet Club from the rest of the world is they never give up, just like the rest of the people here tonight. The fans made this show and New Japan is back next year. They rule the wrestling world and that’s never changing. This was a good way to end the show as Omega is one of the faces of the promotion and the face of the promotion in America.

The announcers quickly wrap things up.

Overall Rating: B. I definitely liked the first night better but it’s not like this one was bad. The problem here is the first night felt like a grand spectacle as the promotion made its big debut. This one though felt like they were cramming in a bunch of stuff that didn’t need to be on there. I couldn’t really think of anything that could have been cut off the first night but this one had multiple moments that could have been trimmed or flat out eliminated.

The Tanahashi match, which should have been a major deal, was a complete misfire and the War Machine stuff felt like it could have come weeks from now instead of immediately. It’s still a good show and a big success for the promotion but this show could have had a good half hour to forty five minutes cut out to really improve things.

Overall for the two nights, it’s definitely a great debut, but you know the fans are going to get ahead of themselves. They put on two very good shows in front of less than 5,000 fans combined in the second biggest market in the country. It’s a very solid performance for the independent level around here but they’re FAR away from being in WWE’s universe over here, which to be fair New Japan certainly seems to know. If this show is even something of a hit among the casual fans, we’ll see where they can go from there but for now, just consider it a success and start to build from here.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Great Balls of Fire
Date: July 9, 2017
Location: American Airlines Center, Dallas, Texas
Commentators: Michael Cole, Booker T., Corey Graves

It’s time for the most oddly named pay per view in a long time and yes they’re actually going to call it this. Brock Lesnar is getting back in the ring for the first time since Wrestlemania to defend the Universal Title against Samoa Joe. This has the potential to be a war and that’s what the title needs. Let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Neville vs. Akira Tozawa

Tozawa is defending and has Titus O’Neil in his corner. They run the ropes to start and flip away from each other. Neville gets sent to the floor but blocks a dive with a kick, allowing Neville to yell at Titus. Tozawa gets sent into the barricade and we take a break. Back with Neville getting two off a kick to the chest. Tozawa gets in a kick of his own and goes up so Neville bails, meaning Tozawa gets in a suicide dive for two.

An Octopus Hold sends Neville to the ropes before he can kick Tozawa in the head for two more. Neville’s Phoenix splash misses and Tozawa gets in the top rope backsplash, only to have Neville roll outside again. Tozawa heads up but gets crotched hard. Neville kicks the ropes to make it even worse and a kick to the chest retains the title at 11:26.

Rating: C+. What in the world is supposed to stop Neville? The division is pretty much empty now, though that finish seems to set up a rematch. I don’t really need to see these two fight again but that’s never stopped WWE before. Summerslam is up next and Tozawa vs. Neville II doesn’t seem like the most interesting match in the world. Then again that would allow the creative department to not have to do anything so look for it to happen. The match didn’t really click the way I was expecting as Tozawa just kicked and did his dives but at least he was a fresh challenger.

A longer than usual opening video has a drive-in movie theme with the matches being treated as old school trailers.

Bray Wyatt vs. Seth Rollins

Standard Bray feud: Rollins is popular so Bray wants to beat him up. Seth kicks him down to start and Bray smiles in the corner. It’s too early for the suicide dive though as Bray punches him back and hammers away. They head to the apron for a slugout and Seth is sent hard into the steps for his efforts.

One heck of a charge sends Seth into the barricade and we hit the chinlock. Seth fights up and heads to the top, meaning it’s a superplex to bring him back down. Bray has cut him off almost every time so far like he has Seth very well scouted. Rollins knees out of a suplex and sends Bray outside for the suicide dive.

The Sling Blade and Blockbuster get two on Bray but he breaks up the momentum with a heck of a clothesline. That hard release Rock Bottom gives Bray two and he runs his mouth about being a god. Rollins slugs away until a poke to the eye cuts him off. Sister Abigail gives Bray the pin at 12:05.

Rating: B-. Well it was short but at least Bray won, even if that’s not going to mean anything in his future. He’s done this kind of thing before and it never goes anywhere because he’ll lose the next time there’s anything remotely resembling a big match. WWE has made it clear that they’re not going to do anything with him long term and that gets very annoying for anyone who wants to get behind him.

The Hardys have been watching superhero shows to prepare for facing Sheamus and Cesaro. Jeff talks about being in the first tag team tables match and tag team ladder match. Not only do they break barriers but they also break bars.

We recap Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass. They were a popular team but Big Cass got tired of bailing Enzo out of trouble for running his mouth. Cass finally had enough of it and turned on him, sending Enzo into a more emotional place than ever before. Enzo is in way over his head physically but his heart could carry him through.

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Before the match, Enzo talks about how they debuted here last year in the same arena but now it’s war. He quotes some That’s Life and says if Cass wants to stomp on him, come on because he’s always going to be a dreamed. Enzo goes on for a LONG time and basically says he’s here to fight because he won’t give up. Cass debuts some new music, which might not be the most original but at least it’s something new.

Enzo charges right at him and gets tossed around like he’s not even there. Something like a crossface chickenwing slows Enzo down and Cass splashes him for good measure. Some forearms to the back have Amore in more trouble and Cass tells him to bring it on. A gorilla press drop sends him outside but he gets back in at nine. The big boot ends Enzo at 5:22.

Rating: D+. Total and complete squash and that’s exactly what it should have been. Amore isn’t someone who is going to be able to get in any significant offense on someone like Cass and that’s what happened here. This is a good example of a perfectly booked match and that’s not something you get anymore.

Tag Team Titles: Hardys vs. Sheamus/Cesaro

Sheamus and Cesaro are defending and this is a thirty minute Iron Man match because we haven’t watched them fight enough. Cesaro distracts Matt to start and it’s a Brogue Kick for the first fall at 20 seconds. Jeff tries his luck and dropkicks both of them down, followed by Matt ramming Sheamus’ head into the apron a few times. It’s Cesaro cutting Jeff off to save his brother and they head outside with the champs taking over.

Back in and Cesaro grabs a gutwrench to keep Jeff in trouble as the announcers get in “playing defense” as many times as they can. Jeff is sent outside and the match is going so slowly that we look back at the first fall. Cesaro grabs a side choke as we’re not even ten minutes in yet. Matt gets knocked off the apron and the assisted White Noise gives Cesaro the second fall on Jeff at 9:48.

Back up and Sheamus goes shoulder first into the post, allowing the hot tag back to Matt. Sheamus is rammed into three buckles ten times each, followed by Poetry in Motion and a Side Effect. The Twist of Fate ends Cesaro to make it 2-1 at 12:55. Sheamus comes in and gets caught with the slingshot dropkick in the corner for two as we hit the halfway point. Jeff flip dives onto everyone but Cesaro posts Matt for a countout to go up 3-1 at 16:55.

Sheamus grabs a chinlock, followed by the very slow forearms to the chest. We hit ten minutes to go as Sheamus gets two off a double suplex. Cesaro kicks Jeff off the apron and grabs the Sharpshooter on Matt. Sheamus gets dropped as well though and Matt makes a fast tag so Jeff can cradle Cesaro to make it 3-2 at 22:55. A basement dropkick gives Jeff two more, followed by Matt’s tornado DDT for two at 5:00 to go.

Matt hits the moonsault for what looked like three with Cesaro diving in (possibly too late) for the save. A super Twist of Fate drops Sheamus and we’re tied at 2:55 to go. Sheamus is still down so a top rope splash/elbow give the Hardys two. Jeff gets a blind tag and hits the Swanton but Cesaro, the legal man, rolls him up for the pin at 25 seconds left. Time runs out and the champs retain 4-3 at 30:00.

Rating: D. WOW this was boring and one of the most boring matches I’ve seen in years. There was no need for this to be thirty minutes long and this better wrap up the feud already. The last few minutes were a bit better but this felt like it was about an hour and a half long, which really isn’t something you want happening, especially on a pay per view with no breaks. Now PLEASE let them be done.

Xavier Woods was at the Rocket League World Championships.

We recap the Women’s Title match. Alexa Bliss is tired of being judged and if she has to beat up Sasha Banks to prove herself, so be it.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss vs. Sasha Banks

Banks is challenging. Sasha knocks her outside to start and Bliss takes a breather while feeling her own jaw. Back in and Bliss does her dislocated arm thing, which the announcers are all shocked by because they’ve never watched her matches before. Bliss teases walking out and rams Bliss into the apron to take over. The double knees and moonsault knees to the back give the champ two and it’s off to a modified surfboard.

One heck of a backbreaker gives Bliss two more but Sasha comes back with some forearms to the face. Bliss catches her with a sunset bomb out of the corner for two (nasty landing). Twisted Bliss hits knees (kind of) and the Bank Statement has Alexa in trouble until a rope is grabbed. Banks sends her into the barricade but Bliss slaps her in the face and takes the countout at 11:48.

Rating: C. The ending hurt it a bit but this is clearly there to set up a rematch. The dislocated elbow thing is still creepy and Banks is good for a challenger. I’m sure this is going to set up a rematch in some form of gimmick match, probably at Summerslam, which might not be the worst idea in the world. It’s good enough but felt like a longer TV match.

Post match Sasha fights her up to the announcers’ table. Bliss gets shoved off and the double knees off the table drops Bliss to the floor.

We look at the Kickoff Show match.

Tozawa is in pain and tells Titus he wants a rematch. Titus will work on it but wants Tozawa to get looked at by the trainers.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz vs. Dean Ambrose

Miz is defending. Dean goes after the Miztourage to start and grabs a rollup for two. Miz gets in the short DDT and kicks Dean in the chest to stay in control. Dirty Deeds is broken up but Ambrose throws Miz down to get a breather anyway. A butterfly superplex gives Dean two but he tweaks his knee on the way down.

Dirty Deeds still doesn’t work and we hit the Figure Four. Dean, with a bloody lip, makes the bottom rope but the knee is done. Miz fires off the YES Kicks but gets slapped in the face. The top rope standing elbow gives Dean two but the Miztourage pulls Dean to the floor for a beating.

Dean dives on all three of them but bangs up his knee even more. Back in and Dirty Deeds connects with Maryse putting the foot on the ropes. Dean hits a suicide dive (partially taking Maryse out in the process) but Dallas hits him in the back of the head, setting up the Skull Crushing Finale to retain at 11:15.

Rating: C-. They had a long way to go to get over the boring story and they didn’t get there. The Miztourage is a great addition for Miz as they fit him so well and Dallas looking like a Duck Dynasty/Sons of Anarchy hybrid helps a lot. I hope this doesn’t lead to another rematch but these two have only dominated the Intercontinental Title picture for fifteen months now. WWE can get at least three more months out of this thing before they have to come up with something new.

Long recap of Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman. They were fighting back in February, then took a break for Wrestlemania, then Strowman shoved over an ambulance with Reigns inside, then they took another month off because of an elbow injury. Tonight it’s an ambulance match in what should be the blowoff.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Ambulance match. Strowman goes right after the ribs and throws Reigns outside with ease. A shot with the steps crushes Roman again but Strowman hits the post with the steps. Back in and Roman’s comeback is cut off by the powerslam with Strowman going for a cover out of instinct.

Reigns slips off of Braun’s shoulders and manages a Samoan drop. Strowman goes shoulder first into the post and Roman wraps it around the post. Some chair shots make the elbow even worse but Strowman just gets up and shrugs them off. Strowman tells Reigns to hit him and then knocks him off the stage and into the side of the ambulance. Reigns send him head first into the ambulance for a breather, followed by a Superman punch to put him halfway inside.

Strowman hits him with a backboard and throws Reigns back onto the stage. A hard shot knocks Strowman through the LED screen but Reigns can’t follow up. Instead Braun pops up and throws him off the stage again. Roman misses a spear though and winds up in the ambulance to give Braun the win at 15:30.

Rating: B. It was a fun brawl and should end the feud (oh just wait a minute) but now it’s clear that we’re getting Reigns vs. Lesnar at Wrestlemania. Why? We’re just that lucky I guess. Strowman vs. Lesnar could be a heck of a war like this one, though hopefully with an ending that doesn’t look like the Cowardly Lion diving away from the Wizard of Oz. This was about what you had to expect, but that’s not a bad thing in this case.

Roman pops out of the ambulance and spears Strowman into it. He jumps into the driver’s seat and speeds to the back where, after a few camera cuts, backs the ambulance into a production truck to pretty much kill Strowman. Kurt Angle and company come up to try and open the ambulance….and we’re going to the ring?

Heath Slater vs. Curt Hawkins

This is an impromptu match and I have no idea why it’s been added. Hawkins is barely ready and the announcers ignore the match to talk about Strowman being in trouble. We cut to the back again where a fire truck is coming in to get Strowman out. With the camera away from the ring, Slater wins with something we don’t even see at 2:28.

Still in the back, the Dallas fire department is here to use the jaws of life to open the ambulance. Braun crawls away and refuses medical help. Angle is STUNNED as Strowman walks away to applause. If they didn’t do this for the sake of a double turn, I have officially lost the ability to understand this company. That was every possible sign of a Strowman face turn and Reigns, who lost and ATTEMPTED TO MURDER STROWMAN, is now about as heelish as you can get.

We recap Brock Lesnar vs. Samoa Joe. Samoa Joe became #1 contender last month and has showed that he’s not afraid of Lesnar, even nearly choking him out at one point. Lesnar has shown no signs of being afraid of Joe and laughed at him for even trying. Tonight it’s going to be a fight.

Universal Title: Samoa Joe vs. Brock Lesnar

Lesnar is defending and Joe’s music hits at 10:51pm. Joe jumps him during the Big Match Intros and they head outside with Lesnar being Rock Bottomed through the table. The bell hasn’t rung yet and Lesnar is dragging himself inside. Joe enziguris him in the corner and starts laying in the headbutts. Lesnar can’t overpower him and Joe hammers away in the corner. He can’t get the full Koquina Clutch in though and Lesnar sends him into the buckle for the break.

There’s the first German suplex, followed by the second and third but Joe kicks him low for the break. Another Rock Bottom gives Joe two but he still can’t get the Clutch. A weak version of the Clutch goes on until Lesnar escapes with a side slam. Lesnar charges into the post, only to slip between Joe’s legs and turn on the German suplexes again. We hit the sixth but Joe slips out of the F5 and puts on the Clutch. Lesnar grabs the ropes but the referee casually lets it stay on. Brock is turning purple but he powers up into the F5 to retain at 6:29.

Rating: B+. THIS is what I’ve been wanting from Lesnar for a long time. Joe got in some serious offense and beat on Lesnar for a good chunk of that match. This was FAR from what we had to sit through with Lesnar just wrecking people as he was put to the test and caught Joe in the end. I had a great time with this and it was certainly acceptable rather than having Lesnar destroy him. Very good match and a big relief.

Joe glares at Lesnar with the announcers emphasizing that Joe got caught and Lesnar was in big trouble to end the show.

Overall Rating: C+. The two main events are enough to carry it but SWEET GOODNESS the rest of this show was weak. The Tag Team Title match felt like it went on for longer than ever, Banks vs. Bliss was there for the sake of setting up a rematch, Bray vs. Seth was exactly what you would expect and Miz vs. Ambrose is likely continuing for no logical reason.

That being said, this show was the modern day In Your House: a lot of nothing and a major match on the end to draw the fans. It’s certainly not terrible but there’s no hiding the fact that it’s a pit stop on the way to Brooklyn for Summerslam. That’s not a bad thing and the fact that it’s the same price at Wrestlemania makes up for a lot of it. Check out the main event but that’s all you really need to see.

Results

Bray Wyatt b. Seth Rollins – Sister Abigail

Big Cass b. Enzo Amore – Big boot

Cesaro/Sheamus b. Hardys 4-3

Sasha Banks b. Alexa Bliss via countout

Miz b. Dean Ambrose – Skull Crushing Finale

Braun Strowman b. Roman Reigns – Strowman shut Reigns in the ambulance

Heath Slater b. Curt Hawkins – Unknown

Brock Lesnar b. Samoa Joe – F5

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

http://kbwrestlingreviews.com/2017/05/19/history-of-saturday-nights-main-event-and-clash-of-the-champions-now-in-paperback-plus-price-drops/

And check out my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Usual stuff: I’ll be redoing both the 2016 edition and one other of your choosing.  Whichever one gets the most votes in whatever arbitrary space of time I decide on wins.  1998, 2002, 2011 and 2015 are ineligible as I’ve done them recently.  You can vote in the comments.

KB

Goodness gracious it’s another pay per view weekend. This time around it’s the “Monday Night Raw” side and that means a lot of stories are dragging on WAY beyond their expiration date. However, this time we have Brock Lesnar in town and that’s not something you get to see every day. Or every week. Or every month. Or every three months actually. Anyway let’s get to it.

Kickoff Show: Cruiserweight Title: Neville(c) vs. Akira Tozawa

We’re starting off with a tricky one here. Neville has been outstanding as the Cruiserweight Champion and I’m not sure I can imagine Tozawa being the one to take the title away. That being said, Neville is starting to make me think of Jim Ross’ call at the end of Undertaker vs. Kane at “Wrestlemania XIV” after the third Tombstone to Kane. Ross asked what it could possibly take to beat Kane if that didn’t do it. If Tozawa doesn’t win here, who in the world is going to take the belt from Neville?

We’ll get to find out because I’m going with Neville to retain here. Tozawa is on a roll at the moment but this seems like the kind of place to set up a big name coming up from NXT (Johnny Gargano maybe? Or perhaps Aleister Black, who Neville beat once and therefore has a history with the champ?) to take the title instead. Either way, Titus International doesn’t get its first gold just yet (or ever most likely).

Tag Team Titles: Sheamus/Cesaro(c) vs. Hardy Boyz

This is a thirty minute Iron Man match because, AGAIN, WWE feels the need to stretch feuds out far beyond their expiration date. I know that’s been a TNA problem for years but suddenly WWE is right there next to them. We’ve seen a ladder match, a 2/3 falls match, a cage match and a regular match (shocking I know) and now we get this, because we just needed more of the teams together.

I’ll take the Hardys to win actually, if nothing else because there aren’t many teams to challenge Sheamus and Cesaro otherwise. Think about it: aside from the Hardys and Heath Slater/Rhyno (When is the last time they had an important match?), there aren’t any other face teams on “Monday Night Raw”. I mean, unless you’re counting Titus O’Neil and Apollo Crews, that’s all you’ve got. Insert my weekly complaint about American Alpha not having a televised tag match since April 25. Too much of them being gone drives a man insane.

Intercontinental Title: The Miz(c) vs. Dean Ambrose

Speaking of feuds that need to go away for a long time (like ever), here’s another one that just can’t seem to die. These two have been feuding for what feels like ever and have traded the title multiple times. Save for a 37 day Dolph Ziggler reign, these two have held the title exclusively since the night after “Wrestlemania XXXII”. I have no idea what’s supposed to be so special about this feud but here we go again.

I’ll take Miz to retain here as he has so many people in his corner and it’s way too early to have the Miztourage fail him. Ambrose needs to move on to anyone else at this point and there’s enough talent going around to feud with Miz and take the title from him down the line. Just get this feud over with already because while I like both guys, I’m completely sick of seeing them fight.

Women’s Title: Alexa Bliss(c) vs. Sasha Banks

I’m not sure what to think of this one. Again I like them both and Bliss has been on absolute fire (not straight fire because that would be gimmick infringement but still fire) with the title. Banks needs a big win though as it feels like forever since she and Charlotte were having their great/historic feud.

I’ll take Bliss, likely through some sort of shenanigans. All signs seem to point to Nia Jax going after the title (because it certainly won’t be Bayley, who apparently just lucked her way into being the biggest star in NXT or something), likely at “Summerslam 2017” and it would make more sense for her to want to face Bliss, who she likely thinks she would squash, that someone who has beaten her multiple times now. Bliss retains, though it’s in a tough defense.

Seth Rollins vs. Bray Wyatt

I’ll buy you a ham sandwich if you can make coherent sense out of whatever Wyatt is talking about with this one. I know it’s the usual stuff but that doesn’t mean it’s something that makes the most sense in the world. Basically Wyatt thinks Rollins deserves a beating for bragging about beating Triple H and Rollins is always ready for a fight. This feels like the biggest filler match for both of them that I could imagine and that’s not a good thing for two people going through the motions at the moment.

I’ll take Wyatt to win, as I tend to do in these things. The problem is he’ll win these matches but then never go anywhere with them because his character never changes and he chokes when the real pressure is on. I still have no idea why they took the Smackdown World Title off of him so soon when Jinder Mahal was their big idea. Rollins doesn’t have anything going on either but I’ll take Wyatt on a glorified coin flip.

Enzo Amore vs. Big Cass

Now this one has me interested. The problem with the team was always simple: Amore was limited in the ring and there’s only so much that Big Cass can do on his own. The thing is, Amore might be hot enough on the mic to carry us past that. If he just throws everything he has at Big Cass, there’s a real argument to be made for him getting close here.

I say getting close here because, of course, Big Cass should win here. He has the potential to be a very solid heel character and that would start by having him kick Amore’s head off and plant him with whatever he’s calling his spinning side slam these days. Let Big Cass win here and start moving Amore over to “205 Live” where he belongs and everything will be fine.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman

Ambulance match. This one ENTIRELY depends on if you think they might be changing the main event of “Summerslam 2017” by having Reigns face Lesnar there. If that’s the case, of course Reigns goes over here and sets up the biggest match of the year to FINALLY makes Reigns the guy, because winning the last two Wrestlemania main events, including becoming World Champion again, just wasn’t enough.

That being said, of course I’m taking Strowman because you know full well that no one is taking away Reigns’ moment in the New Orleans sun. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not but Reigns is likely winning the Royal Rumble (in Philadelphia again, because Philadelphia just hadn’t had a Royal Rumble in three years and that’s not fair to the city and its fans) and going on to take the title from Lesnar in New Orleans because…..whatever Vince McMahon sees in him. But yeah Strowman wins here and gets F5’d at “Summerslam 2017”.

Raw World Title: Brock Lesnar(c) vs. Samoa Joe

Now if you’re rather slow, you might not get who I think is winning here. First of all, Samoa Joe has looked AWESOME in this buildup and that’s a great thing. They’ve treated him like a legitimate threat to Lesnar and that’s not something a lot of people can say. Win or lose he’s going to come out of here looking like a much bigger deal than he went in as and that’s a very good thing.

But yeah, Lesnar wins here and he does it in a heck of a fight. The key thing here though is Lesnar’s motivation. If he’s willing to work, this could be one of the most entertaining brawls in a long time. If he’s just being Lesnar, I feel sorry for Samoa Joe who has worked this hard to get here. Lesnar wins though, but it’s going to take a fight that shakes his nerves and rattles his brain.

Overall Thoughts

This show has surprised me a bit actually. When you hear the name Great Balls of Fire, how are you supposed to take it seriously? Even WWE has made fun of the thing because there’s not much of a way to spin a Jerry Lee Lewis song as the name of a pay per view. You have SO many options to pick from (Great American Bash anyone?) and this is the best they can have?

The thing is though, they’ve managed to turn it into something interesting with a pretty solid card. I know the main event isn’t likely to be the biggest surprise in the world but it could be one heck of a fight, especially if Lesnar is feeling motivated. Throw in what should be a good match between Reigns and Strowman and all they need is one other match to come through to make it a solid show. I’m actually coming into this one with a positive feeling, though again, PLEASE don’t let Samoa Joe get squashed. Is that too much to ask?

Oh and in one last wrestling connection: Great Balls of Fire is where Ric Flair got WOO. Lewis says it different but Flair has said he took it from the song several times. So in case you’re a fan or it makes you think “come on baby, you’re driving me crazy”, you have someone to blame for it.

Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:

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