While mainly being a celebration of the company’s history, this is also the end of an era (or error depending on your take). Following “Slammiversary 2017”, the promotion will officially become Global Force Wrestling, bringing an end to the Impact Wrestling era. I’m not sure how much of a difference that’s going to make but before we get to that discussion, we still have a pay per view to cover so let’s get to it.
Josh Matthews/Scott Steiner vs. Jeremy Borash/Joseph Park
I’m putting this first so we can get it out of the way. Despite it being a match about battling announcers, there’s a real argument to be made about this being the main event of the show. At the very worst, it’s the second biggest match on the card and that’s really pitiful. Why in the world I’m supposed to be interested in announcers fighting over…..whatever it is they’re fighting over in a match where Park is the most active competitor isn’t clear but the company certainly seems to think it’s important.
I’ll take Steiner and Matthews to win here as I actually think they’re going to extend the feud all the way through “Bound For Glory 2017”. The story should have ended a few months ago so it wouldn’t surprise me to see it keep going even longer. The wrestling is going to be bad at best as Steiner hasn’t been an active competitor in years, Park is a comedy character and the other two are announcers. This is the second (at worst) biggest match on the card and one of the biggest matches of the year people. Let that sink in for a minute.
Moose/DeAngelo Williams vs. Chris Adonis/Eli Drake
This is your celebrity match of the show but at least there’s a story built in. Moose has been having issues with Adonis and Drake for weeks now and needed some help dealing with them. Williams is an NFL free agent so he has an athletic background, though there’s a good chance that’s not going to translate into wrestling success.
That being said, it would take WCW levels of stupidity to bring in a celebrity athlete and have them lose. I’m not sure why we’re not having Moose defending the Global Title here as it would make more sense but at least they have something different by having Williams in the match. I’d assume this keeps going as well but Williams is likely just going to be a one off, meaning him losing would make next to no sense.
X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt(c) vs. Low Ki
Dutt won the title in the highlight of the Indian tapings and now it’s time for Low Ki’s rematch. I’m not a big Low Ki fan whatsoever but Dutt has enough charisma and skill to get by. This is also 2/3 falls, meaning there’s a good chance it’s going to be a long match with both guys winning at least a fall.
I’ll go with Dutt retaining the title as Low Ki never felt like a long term champion. He has way too long of a history of leaving promotions to keep a title on him long term. Dutt might not stick around long either, but putting the title on him in India and then taking it right back in his first defense wouldn’t be the brightest idea in the world. I don’t think he’ll do anything more than set the stage for a top heel to take the title away from him and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Tag Team Titles: LAX(c) vs. Drago/Hijo de Fantasma, Naomichi Marufuji/Taiji Ishimori vs. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr.
We continue the trend of each match having a theme with the international match. In this case we have two teams from Mexico, one team that represents the Latino nation and a Japanese contingent. Of the challengers, only Laredo Kid and Garza Jr. have appeared regularly for on “Impact Wrestling” TV so this might not be the most easy to follow match in the world.
LAX should retain here as they’re getting somewhere with the act. Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. are a good high flying team but nothing we haven’t seen done better before. The other two teams are likely just one or two shot deals and that wouldn’t mean putting titles on them. Let LAX get a big win under their belts so they can build up to something more in the future, perhaps for the Veterans of War to dethrone them later.
Impact Wrestling Knockouts/Global Force Wrestling Women’s Title: Rosemary (c) vs. Sienna (c)
This is one of two unification matches because this company actually thinks the GFW Titles matter in the slightest. Having this as title for title adds nothing to the match as Sienna could have easily been built up as a regular challenger to Rosemary with the GFW Title really adding nothing whatsoever. It’s a gimmick though and unfortunately that’s often more important than making the most sense.
Due to the merger though, I’ll go with Sienna winning, even though Rosemary has been built up far better. Neither is the most thrilling option in the world but at least you have the possibility of building Allie up to face Sienna for the title at “Bound For Glory 2017”. You could do the same with Allie vs. Rosemary but that wouldn’t pack quite the same punch as Allie challenging Sienna.
Eddie Edwards/Alisha Edwards vs. Davey Richards/Angelina Love
Full Metal Mayhem, which is Impact Wrestling’s version of Tables, Ladders and Chairs. The guys have been feuding for a good while now and the women have added some nice flavor to the story. Alisha isn’t the most experienced but there’s a lot of potential for drama with the husbands protecting their wives from extreme violence.
This show needs a face to win a big match so I’ll go with Eddie and Alisha. Richards and Love have dominated the feud so far and it would make sense to have them lose in the end to even things out a bit. I can always go for some good violence in a match and the Wolves have the ability to beat the heck out of each other like few others can. This should be a lot of fun and that’s something this show needs.
James Storm vs. Ethan Carter III
Strap match. This has been a solid upper midcard feud, though I’m not sure what they were going for with the E Singh III deal in India. As is almost always the case, this one seems to depend on what happens in the main event as you could easily see the winner getting a shot at the World Title in the near future.
Therefore, I’ll take Carter, probably through some major shenanigans. That’s the beauty of a strap match: Storm can get in some solid revenge on Carter but still lose via some sort of cheating in the end. These two should beat the heck out of each other and that’s certainly a good thing, especially given how this feud has gone so far.
Impact Wrestling World Title/Global Force Wrestling World Title: Lashley vs. Alberto El Patron
Another title for title match and I’m not sure if I’m interested in this one or not. Neither of them has what I’d call an interesting character or personality, meaning they need to blow it out of the water with the actual wrestling. The good thing is they’re both more than capable of doing that, but it doesn’t matter if they have too much other stuff weighing them down.
I’ll take El Patron to win and unify the titles as this show is going to need a big moment to end on. El Patron as champion isn’t the best idea in the world but we’ve covered Lashley as the unstoppable (save for those times where he lost the title) champion for far too long now and it’s time to move on to something fresh. The promotion needs something new on top and while El Patron isn’t that guy, he can hold the title until they find that guy.
Overall Thoughts
I’m not the most excited for this show (if that wasn’t clear) and it’s mainly because there’s no single match that really has my interest. There’s going to be good stuff throughout the card and some of the stories should wrap up, but that doesn’t mean the show is going to hold a lot of interest for a good chunk of the audience.
It also doesn’t help that we’re coming up on yet another new era for the company, which seems to be the case far too often anymore. We have roughly three and a half months until “Bound For Glory 2017” and I hope most of these stories wrap up so we can spend that time building to something new instead of spending half of it on fallout. Therefore, a lot of these matches need to wrap up stories instead of extending them, which has been a problem for this company for a long time now. Hopefully the show is a surprise but I’m not getting my hopes up.
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Smackdown Date: January 30, 2003 Location: Resch Center, Green Bay, Wisconsin Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
We’re getting closer to No Way Out and the big story is the return of Hulk Hogan, who showed up last week and punched out Vince McMahon. Other than that we have the far less important story of Brock Lesnar chasing Kurt Angle and the Smackdown World Title. You know, that secondary issue. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Vince vs. Hogan. Stephanie announcing that she had a surprise last week is included, solely for the purpose of getting Stephanie on TV.
Opening sequence.
A-Train vs. Rey Mysterio
Mysterio tries a 619 as A-Train gets in but settles for a dropkick off the apron before the bell. A spinning crossbody is easily caught and A-Train hammers away, only to get kicked in the face for his efforts. Rey gets two off a running dropkick but the Derailer cuts him in half for two.
Cole talks out the referee’s birthday because he’s running out of things to talk about less than three minutes into a match. A full nelson with Rey’s legs wrapped around A-Train’s thighs slows him down until Mysterio spins out and gets a DDT. Not that it matters as A-Train hits the bicycle kick and finishes with the Train Wreck (over the shoulder kneeling backbreaker).
Rating: D. I was hoping that last week’s loss in the tag match was the end of A-Train but we’re just lucky enough to get more of him. I mean….have you seen the size of his head? What I want to know though is why he’d use a move called the Train Wreck when he’s the train. Wouldn’t that be something a bit self destructive?
Paul Heyman says Big Show won’t be facing Big Show tonight because Big Show has the night off.
Eddie Guerrero vs. John Cena
Cena cuts a fairly racist rap with almost every Mexican stereotype you can think of. Oh and overweight girls are bad at dodgeball. Eddie slugs him down in the corner and throws Cena outside for some cheating from Chavo. Back in and Cena tosses him into the air for a crash as Tazz compliments his rapping skills. Now it’s Red Dogg getting in a few shots of his own but the fans chant for Eddie anyway. What a double standard.
Cena shows off the power with a delayed vertical suplex and a side slam for two each. We hit the chinlock for a bit before Eddie fights up, only to have Red Dogg grab his foot. The distraction completely fails as Chavo shoves Cena off the top, setting up one of the best looking frog splashes I’ve ever seen for the pin.
Rating: C-. You could see things starting to click for Cena and that’s a very good sign. Couple that with Eddie being at his normal level of awesome and there’s almost a guarantee that it was going to be entertaining. Unfortunately they didn’t have the time to do anything and Dogg isn’t as entertaining as Buchanan, who was fun in a stupid goofy kind of way.
Heyman has an idea and flags down newcomer Brian Kendrick to help him out.
Vince comes in to see Stephanie and talk about the Hogan return last week. She turns it into a discussion of Eric Bischoff trying to bring back Steve Austin. Stephanie: “Your nemesis!” I love how Stephanie has to explain Steve Austin’s connection to Vince McMahon himself because A, Vince might not remember or B, the fans might not remember. She goes on to explain that Hogan is in fact a legend and tell Vince how awesome he was during the Monday Night Wars. Since there’s really nothing to say to that, Vince says he has a surprise for later. This has been the latest version of NO ONE TALKS LIKE THIS.
Shannon Moore vs. Billy Kidman
Non-title. Shannon has Matt Hardy, who thinks that Shannon has an iota of Mattitude and was the longest surviving Smackdown superstar in the Rumble, in his corner. During the entrances we hear about Torrie Wilson vs. Dawn Marie in a Rumble rematch…..on Velocity. Thank goodness they finally took the hint on that one. Kidman gets jumped to start but the threat of a right hand sends Shannon bailing to the floor.
The fans chant WE WANT JEFF as Shannon whips Kidman hard into the corner to set up a chinlock. Kidman fights out of the second chinlock and gets in a jumping elbow to the jaw as things speed up. Something like the Sky High gets two but Shannon hits a running Blockbuster from the side. That just earns him an enziguri and the shooting star gives Kidman the pin.
Rating: C. Shannon was showing some aggression here to play up the idea of having more Mattitude and that’s a good sign for him. He’s certainly not the most intimidating guy in the world so having him be more intense can only do good things for him. Moore always had the in-ring abilities but he needs a strong gimmick to get him anywhere.
Post match Matt lays out Kidman, hopefully giving him a challenger for the title. It would be nice for a change.
Here’s Vince for his surprise. He goes on a long and rather good rant about how Hulkamania is dying and he can’t wait to kill it himself. Hogan can talk about the power of Hulkamania all he wants and wear the red and yellow (Vince: “I still don’t get it.”) but the truth is that Hogan is a bloodsucking bottom feeder who is a manipulating businessman. What Hulk doesn’t want you to know is that Vince created Hogan and Hulkamania itself. That gets Vince to No Way Out, where Hogan will be going one on one with the Rock. Speaking of the Rock, here he is…..via satellite of course.
Rock immediately goes a bit heelish by ripping on Green Bay being way too cold for him to show up. The reality is that Rock doesn’t answer to Vince because he belongs to the people. Rock is going to bring the electricity like he brought at Wrestlemania where records were broken. At No Way Out, you’re going to have the biggest star of all time and on the other hand there’s Hulk Hogan.
When they meet again, Hogan is going to Hulk Up and Rock won’t be able to care less. It’s going to be Wrestlemania all over again with Hogan taking a beating, if you smell what he’s cooking. Rock was sprinkling the heel attitude throughout the promo but was getting cheered anyway. The key here was he didn’t go full blast with it, meaning he’ll be inching into his new attitude instead. You don’t get that enough and it takes someone as good as Rock to really pull it off.
Bill DeMott vs. Rikishi
It’s the rubber match! Why this warranted a second match, let alone a third, is beyond me. Rikishi grabs a headlock as the announcers talk about the Tough Enough match on Raw. DeMott sends him shoulder first into the post and grabs an abdominal stretch. Does that work when there’s so much gut there to pull on? A slam makes the ribs worse but the moonsault is countered with an electric chair. Rikishi superkicks him down and tries a DDT but DeMott grabs the ropes to send Rikishi crashing down. A cover with DeMott laying on the ropes gives him the pin.
Rating: D-. The ending here made things even worse than they would have been on their own. DeMott is going absolutely nowhere as this heel turn is a disaster so far. Having him beat up the cruiserweights was fine enough but you knew he was done as soon as they started having him trade wins with Rikishi of all people. Thankfully this is pretty much it for DeMott, who would have two more matches on Smackdown for the year while being shunted down to Velocity instead.
Undertaker comes out almost immediately after the match with DeMott bailing. After a break, Undertaker is sitting on the steps, saying this is where he’s supposed to say all the things he’s going to do to Big Show. Forget that though because we need to just shut up and fight. It’s Heyman instead though, reminding us that Show isn’t here tonight. Show has a message for Undertaker though and here’s Kendrick on a kid’s bicycle in a singing telegram outfit.
Undertaker has about as much of this as you would expect but tells Kendrick to do whatever he’s supposed to. Kendrick “sings” something about Big Show never doing something (he wasn’t easy to understand) so Undertaker threatens Heyman. Brian actually asks for a tip…..and gets $100! Undertaker has him sing again and the beating is on in a hurry. Naturally Undertaker takes the money back. Well to be fair Kendrick was off key.
Kurt Angle gives his team a pep talk, even quoting Vince Lombardi but making sure to insult the Green Bay Packers to avoid the face reaction. I would list off what Kurt says but I’m too distracted by how sweet those track suits are. The gist of it: win at any costs.
Video on Brock Lesnar, which is basically just an edited version of his talk from last week.
Sean O’Haire tells us to drink and smoke.
Team Angle vs. Edge/Chris Benoit
The winners get a title shot next week and Angle sits in on commentary. Kurt: “They call me Captain Kurt.” Cole: “How’s Mr. Spock?” Benoit takes over on Haas to start and chops away in the corner. Benjamin comes in for a gutbuster because he’s better than Haas. Shelton misses a charge so it’s off to Edge as the pace picks way up. With his team in trouble, Angle gets up on the apron but gets speared right back down. Why Edge spearing the title doesn’t cause him damage isn’t clear but whatever.
The house cleaning continues with Edge missile dropkicking Benjamin for two and we take a break. Back with Benoit stomping on Benjamin and Edge starting in on Charlie’s shoulder. An armbar cuts off Charlie’s comeback but Benoit can’t get the Crossface. Coach Kurt talks Charlie to his feet for a belly to belly though and the Angleites take over.
Shelton starts in on the knee and Charlie works on a leglock. A reverse Figure Four keeps Edge in trouble, much to Edge’s delight. Shelton cannonballs down onto the leg and grabs a regular Figure Four. Benoit comes in and breaks it up by hitting Benjamin in the head, only to have Haas grab a Figure Four of his own.
He’s no Shelton though so Edge gets out and sends him into the corner for the hot tag to Benoit. Chris starts rolling the German suplexes and Swan Dives Shelton for two. The Crossface is broken up and Angle hits Benoit with the title to give Shelton the pin and the title shot.
Rating: B. Good stuff here, like it would have been anything else. Team Angle has taken to the ring very smoothly and it makes for some very entertaining matches. I’m glad they went with the regular team instead of another two man combination who teams together when they need to. Kurt cheating to win is the right move here too as it plays off the speech he gave to them earlier.
Overall Rating: D+. Strong main event aside, there’s not enough here to really get excited about. Hogan vs. Rock should be good but watching stuff like A-Train wreck Mysterio and DeMott vs. Rikishi, followed by Undertaker beating up a guy just trying to make a living isn’t exactly thrilling TV. The talking really hurt things this week and there’s only so much that one really good match can do to counter that.
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It occurred to me that $3.99 is probably a bit too high for an e-book so therefore, all of the 24 e-books I’ve written are now available for $2.99 each (the lowest amount I’m allowed to sell them for). That will be the case for any I release going forward.
Here’s my Amazon author page with all the options I have available at the moment, including both paperbacks and e-books:
Smackdown – September 7, 2007: Playing the Midcard Heel
Smackdown Date: September 7, 2007 Location: US Bank Arena, Cincinnati, Ohio Commentators: Michael Cole, John Bradshaw Layfield
This is another request as I try (in vain) to clear out that overly large pile. We’re coming up on Unforgiven 2007 meaning Great Khali is Smackdown World Champion with Batista chasing him. Tonight’s main event is Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio in an I Quit match as those two were joined at the hip for years. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap shows Rey Mysterio winning a competition last week to become #1 contender, only to be destroyed by Khali.
Opening sequence, featuring some of the wrestlers turning into comic book style drawings. Couple that with the fist and is there any wonder why Smackdown was considered so much cooler than Raw?
We open with MVP’s VIP Lounge with MVP bragging about being the US Champion and half of the Tag Team Champions with Matt Hardy (which they won last week). He’s so awesome that he’s the host and the guest but he’s also having Matt out here as a bonus. After Matt has to check in with the bouncer, MVP takes credit for the win.
We see a clip of MVP coming in to get the pin after Matt wrestled the entire match, which MVP says makes him the captain. Matt smirks and shows us a clip of his own. After last week’s match, MVP was bragging to his agent when Matt came in and asked what that was. MVP calls it vision so Matt punches him in the jaw. Back live, Matt says he wants a US Title shot but MVP says they have a Tag Team Title defense at Unforgiven against former champions Deuce N Domino. As for tonight though, Matt has a match right now.
Matt Hardy vs. Deuce
Matt is in jeans and we’re joined in progress after a break. Deuce fires in some shoulders to the ribs but gets sent into the buckles a few times. A hot shot cuts Matt off as MVP keeps cheering him on. We hit the neck crank for a good while until Matt shrugs off a superplex attempt. The Side Effect gets two but a double clothesline puts both guys down. Back up and MVP deals with Domino, allowing Matt to grab the Side Effect for the pin.
Rating: D. Just a quick match here to keep the MVP/Matt story going because the INCREDIBLY long time spent on it just wasn’t enough. There was a good idea behind it but the constant health issues hurt it a lot. At least it gave Matt a spotlight near the top of his singles run, which was quite the welcome development.
Jamie Noble has an AKME (yes AKME) leprechaun trap, which means putting Lucky Charms underneath a box to catch Hornswoggle. Shannon Moore thinks this is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen because Shannon is, you know, smart. They wait on Hornswoggle to make sure the stupidity stretches out even longer.
We look at Rey Mysterio’s debut when he beat Chavo Guerrero, who he faces in an I Quit match tonight. This included Tazz calling it the Six Nineteen (fair enough, just odd to hear).
Kenny Dykstra vs. Chuck Palumbo
Kenny (from the Spirit Squad, now just a cocky prospect) has Victoria as a trainer while Palumbo is a biker with Michelle McCool (who is always better looking than I remember). Cole: “How can you not get into a Chuck Palumbo match???” Chuck starts fast with belly to back suplexes as the announcers try to get over “motorcycle mechanic” as a good gimmick. Dykstra starts in on the arm but gets caught in a powerslam for his efforts. Victoria goes after Chuck’s bike for some reason so Michelle takes care of her, leaving Chuck to hit the Full Throttle (spinning Big Ending) for the pin. This was what you would expect it to be.
Teddy Long is getting married to Krystal Marshall (not around long) in two weeks and gives her a Jagged Edge CD. They’ll be performing at the wedding. Krystal gets a phone call from her mom and leaves so Vickie Guerrero suggests he give the CD to Vince. It’s not funny.
Video on Chavo costing Mysterio the World Title.
Finlay/Great Khali vs. Kane/Batista
Rematch from Saturday Night’s Main Event to make sure you remember that the show exists. The World Title looking so small on Khali’s shoulder is always a cool visual. Finlay and Batista get things going with Big Dave actually using a leg trip to take Finlay down. It’s off to some arm cranking, followed by a headlock takeover of all things. A bit of an awkward sequence ends in Finlay taking an atomic drop, followed by a catapult to send him into Khali.
Back from a break with Finlay still in trouble and Kane coming in to what I hope was a canned pop. I’d hate to think that 2007 Kane was really that popular. A suplex gets two as the announcers talk about how mad Kane is. I wouldn’t think someone that angry would be suplexing people but Kane is an odd parakeet. Khali comes in for the big showdown but Finlay low bridges Kane to the floor to take over.
We hit the slow motion offense and, again, that doesn’t make Khali bad. He’s not someone who should be doing flashy stuff so having him do the basics but doing them well is exactly what how he should be going about his matches. Khali kicks Kane in the face and we hit the nerve hold, with Khali’s back to the camera. That looks so foreign today and, contrary to what WWE thinks, it’s really not a big deal as a camera goes over to film it from the other side so we can see the all important face.
Khali breaks out of a chokeslam attempt but takes an enziguri to the elbow (Cole’s words, as enziguri means HEAD kick, therefore meaning it can’t hit the elbow by definition). Finlay pulls Batista to the floor though and the beating continues. The shoulder goes into the post and Runjin Singh gets on the apron so Finlay can use the club. Unfortunately it also allows Batista to spear Finlay down. A double clothesline puts Khali on the floor and a chokeslam ends Finlay.
Rating: C+. Fairly good tag match here with the ending being a bit surprising as Batista didn’t get the hot tag. Kane looked good here and acted like the veteran that he is, much like Finlay. Khali was used in spurts here, which is what should be done with a giant like him. I liked this more than I thought I would, though to be fair that’s not the highest level of accomplishment.
After a good match, it’s back to the Hornswoggle hunt. He gets the cereal and breaks the rope, annoying Moore and Noble. Naturally Hornswoggle has left the belt where the cereal was and tied his own rope, meaning Jamie gets caught in his own trap. Sweet chipmunks on popsicle sticks that made my head hurt.
We look at Rey beating Chavo up at No Mercy 2006 as revenge for costing him the World Title.
Jesse and Festus have arrived and find Noble still in the box. Jesse: “THEY HAVE TALKING BOXES HERE!” Noble is stuck in the box because a professional athlete is incapable of lifting a box off the ground and getting his foot under it or something.
Cruiserweight Title: Hornswoggle vs. Jamie Noble
Hornswoggle is defending but there’s no Jamie, meaning he loses by countout.
Noble comes out after the match and chases Hornswoggle, who leaves marbles behind to trip Jamie. I know the line is that Hornswoggle killed the cruiserweights but (if the title wasn’t dead by the time Hornswoggle got it), this is the kind of stuff that ended it for good. This is unfunny nonsense that would amuse a three year old and it’s over a title.
We go back to Raw as Vince is trying to find out the identity of his illegitimate son. Linda threatened to sue him over all of his alleged affairs and the rest of the family wants him to get help. Vince got on his knee and vowed to be a better person but Mr. Kennedy interrupted, flat out saying he’s the son. That would have been on August 27. Three days later, Kennedy was popped for a Wellness Policy violation (along with ten others) and the whole storyline was scrapped, basically ending Kennedy’s time as anything important in the company.
Undertaker is coming back at Unforgiven. I’m assuming he died again recently. Or there were a bunch of people popped for steroids and we needed some star power to divert attention.
A druid is in the ring when Mark Henry, the man who injured Undertaker, comes out. The lights go out and the druid disappears as the gong sounds.
We look at Chavo beating Rey Mysterio into knee surgery in their first I Quit match.
Unforgiven rundown.
Chavo Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio
I Quit. Chavo has a chair that he calls part of both Mysterio’s past and future. Knee injuries are promised again. The referee takes the chair outside before the bell (no need for that) and Rey comes out slugging (there’s a rare sight). Rey gets choked on the ropes and limps to the floor, only to come back in with the first of likely many hurricanranas. They head outside with a chair duel going to Chavo, who cracks Rey in the ribs.
It’s too early to have an effect though as Mysterio kicks him in the head and scores with some chair shots of his own. Back in and Chavo muscles him over with a German suplex before starting in on the knee with the chair. That just earns him a sitout bulldog onto the chair and a 619 into the chair makes things even worse. A chair to the knee cuts Rey off though and we take a break.
Back with Chavo holding a half crab but not being able to hit a powerbomb onto a pair of chairs. Instead Chavo chairs him in the knee again and puts the chair around his neck for a ram into the post. Rey isn’t done yet (because crushing your neck isn’t enough to end a match) and hits a top rope seated senton to drive Chavo through the chair in a cool visual. The Gory Bomb onto a chair puts Rey down again though but he breaks up the frog splash. A chair to the head ties Chavo in the Tree of Woe and Rey unloads on Chavo’s knee to make Chavo quit.
Rating: B. Rey popping up from a lot of shots to the knee aside, this was all the match needed to be. I don’t think anyone believed Chavo was going to beat Mysterio in a second major match and having Mysterio get the win back, even in the same way Chavo beat him the first time, is the way to go here. Chavo did better than I was expecting here and the match was entertaining, as it needed to be.
Post match here’s Khali to hook Mysterio in the Vice, causing blood to flow from Rey’s mouth. Batista makes the save and Teddy Long adds him to Sunday’s match for the sake of making the title match interesting.
Overall Rating: C+. The first half wasn’t great but after we got around the Hornswoggle nonsense, this was actually a pretty nice show. The big gimmick main event helped and the tag match was a nice way to bridge things along. Smackdown in 2007 was one of those years where they were ignored so much that they were able to put on an entertaining show while the focus was all on Raw. That’s often a good thing and it worked well here.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Lucha Underground Date: June 28, 2017 Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
Another week, another four first round Cueto Cup matches. In other words, we might be getting one competitive match this week as the tournament hasn’t exactly been thrilling so far. The good thing though is it has been going by quickly, which is more than you can say for a lot of these things. Let’s get to it.
The opening video is a very quick tournament recap, plus looks at Killshot, Dante Fox and Jeremiah Crane.
Catrina tells Mil Muertes to destroy everyone, which he promises to do for her. They kiss and she demands the Cueto Cup. Jeremiah Crane watches from the shadows. You would think the supernatural powers would let them know he’s there.
Cueto Cup First Round: Mil Muertes vs. Veneno
That would be Cortez Castro under a mask as he’s still under cover (literally in this case). Muertes spears him down at the bell and it’s a heck of a stomping early on. The chokeslam and Flatliner send Muertes on at 1:10. Well that worked.
Catrina licks Veneno’s face (er, mask) after the match.
Cueto Cup First Round: Paul London vs. Vibora
London knocks him outside for some palm strikes to the chest but Vibora just stares him down. With that not working, London, I kid you not, holds Kobra Moon hostage with the carrot from his hat. Fans: “SAVE THE CARROT!” They get in for the first time with Vibora throwing London around but getting kicked in the face a few times. Vibora gets sent to the floor for a springboard trust fall but he does the Undertaker situp, only to have the rest of the Rabbit Tribe grab his feet for a countout at 3:54.
Rating: D+. There was a story here with the much younger monster being caught by the pesky and more experienced Rabbit Tribe. The carrot thing was entertaining enough (I have a soft spot for rabbits) and this keeps Vibora looking strong, which could be a good idea going forward.
Cueto Cup First Round: Taya vs. Joey Ryan
Joey does his lollipop schtick and gets kneed in the face for his efforts. Taya throws him back inside by the chest hair but gets superkicked off the apron. Back in and Joey takes too much time going up (with Striker saying this isn’t going to work) and gets slammed right back down. Taya misses a charge in the corner so Joey can give her a bit of a spank. That doesn’t go well as Joey gets suplexed and double stomped to give Taya the pin at 3:38.
Rating: D. Joey is rapidly losing the limited charm he had for me so far as the whole cop thing seems to have been forgotten at the moment. I’m sure they’ll get back to the point later on but for now, he’s just Joey Ryan doing the same stuff he does most of the time, just without the Ironman Heavymetalweight Title.
Jeremiah Crane beats up the suit clad Mil Muertes and seems to Pillmanize his neck because “she’s his”.
Wrestlers give their thoughts on John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio. These videos have been VERY good ideas and it’s made the match feel like the biggest match the promotion has ever had.
Cueto Cup First Round: Jeremiah Crane vs. Killshot
Crane charges into a kick to the head to send him outside for a tumbling flip dive as they’re certainly starting fast. Killshot stays with it and hits a flip dive off the low balcony before hitting Crane in the face. That’s fine with Crane who whips him into the metal wall and grabs an exploder suplex on the floor.
A run around the ring builds up enough momentum for a cannonball through Killshot through some chairs in a sick sounding crash. They change pace by going inside where Killshot kicks him in the face for two. Killshot flips up into a cutter for two but gets caught in a brainbuster for the same. They trade the very loud strikes until both guys are knocked silly on the mat.
For some reason Crane spits in his face, earning himself a DDT out of the corner. With nothing else working, Killshot hits a Death Valley Driver on the apron, immediately followed by the top rope double stomp…for two? Cue Dante Fox for a distraction though, allowing Crane to hit Cranial Contusion (a Jay Driller) for the pin at 13:04.
Rating: B. That’s the match of the tournament so far and the match the tournament needed. So far most of them have been either squash matches or rather boring but these two were beating the heck out of each other and putting in the effort. In other words, it was something very entertaining and that’s a good sign.
Post match Catrina comes out to look at Crane, who blows her a kiss.
Dario Cueto is in his office and freaking out over the brackets so far. There’s a match spot to face Son of Havoc but luckily Dario has someone here to take the match. That would be….Son of Madness, who looks EXACTLY like Son of Havoc and says he’s from the open road. Dario is cool with this because he’s kind of an out there guy.
Overall Rating: C. The main event helped this one a lot as Lucha Underground has gone a few weeks without an especially good match. Thankfully the first round of the tournament wraps up next week and we have something curious to end this week’s show. It’s not a great show by any means but it’s better than what we’ve been seeing lately.
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Monday Night Raw – June 27, 1994: Money Can’t Buy Happiness, But It Can Buy Goons
Monday Night Raw Date: June 27, 1994 Location: Westchester County Civic Center, White Plains, New York Attendance: 3,400
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage
It’s time to start the long term build towards Summerslam and barring a major surprise, that’s going to be Bret vs. Owen Hart for the title. With Owen winning the King of the Ring so recently, there’s no reason to go with anything else. Other than that, Ted DiBiase is trying to lure Lex Luger to the dark side. Oh please. Like Luger would EVER turn all of a sudden with little warning. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s King’s Court with Jerry Lawler attacking Duke Droese with a trashcan, which they actually don’t show here in a nice bit of living up to their word of not showing it again.
Droese is ready to follow up on whatever the WWF decides to do to him.
Lawler goes on a rant about how it was Droese’s fault until a producer reminds him why he’s here. He gives a rather forced apology but asks for a fine instead. He finally apologizes while looking like a four year old being told to take medicine. Apparently this was more legit than you would think as the trashcan spot was improvised and USA was REALLY mad. How in the world did they survive the Attitude Era?
Mabel vs. Bam Bam Bigelow
Bigelow forearms him down and actually gets a snapmare to put the bigger man down. Mabel gets up and stares at him before kicking Bigelow in the face. The legdrop to the back of the head draws Luna to the apron but Bigelow sends Mabel into the ropes, sending Luna crashing to the floor. A big crash knocks Mabel down again so Bigelow goes out to chase Oscar off, setting up the big brawl on the floor. Mabel drops Bigelow and beats the count for the win.
Rating: F+. That was supposed to be the big draw of the show. The very short length helped but my goodness is this really the best thing they could do? Mabel would somehow get much worse as he was pushed even harder and harder in the upcoming months, which somehow led to him headlining Summerslam about thirteen months later.
Bigelow and Luna argue until DiBiase comes out to recruit Bam Bam.
We go to two weeks ago where DiBiase introduced the “original” Undertaker, meaning Brian Lee (who was notably shorter) in Undertaker gear. One very nice touch here is the voice is the real Undertaker in a pre-recorded bit to add some realism. You know, to the zombie wrestler.
Buy the King of the Ring encore!
IRS vs. Rich Myers
On the way to the ring, IRS says it’s not his job to pay for your healthcare so pay your taxes. An early abdominal stretch sets up a suplex and we hit the chinlock. I’m going to assume you know who did the moves to whom. IRS’ STF (the Penalty) finishes Myers in a hurry.
It’s King’s Court time with Lawler talking about the Hart Foundation and bringing out Jim Neidhart as the founder of the team. Lawler thinks Bret should have been thanking Neidhart over and over for all the times he saved Bret’s career. Neidhart says Bret has called him for advice many times over the years but after all those times he won the “Belt. Championship. Title.”, Neidhart never got a thing. Then it was time to face Diesel and Bret called him again. Gorilla: “THAT’S A LIE!” Neidhart did what he did so Owen could become the champion as he deserves to be.
This brings out Owen in full on King attire, which looks so goofy in a 90s kind of way. Owen loves all this attention and you can feel the inferiority complex here for a good bit of storytelling. Neidhart is the only family member he can trust (Monsoon and Savage talk over the promo AGAIN, confirming that the two of them are brothers-in-law.) and he’s going to help Owen win the WWF World Title. Owen has done everything he’s said he’d do and now he wants Bret’s title. Savage and Monsoon really dragged this down as they probably talked over Owen and Neidhart five or six times.
Headshrinkers vs. Executioners
Non-title. Fatu and Agony (as it says on his tights) start things off with the Executioner getting powerslammed early on. A double noggin knocker makes things worse for the masked men (Savage: “I used to use a single noggin knocker!”) and the squash is strong with this one.
Fatu gets two more off a clothesline as Gorilla talks about his network of backstage sources: the Gorilla Vine. A middle rope DDT (picture someone going to the middle rope for right hands but Fatu DDTed him backwards instead) gets no cover as we hear about DiBiase doing something backstage. The double faceplant sets up the Superfly Splash to end Agony.
Rating: D. This is a good example of how the commentators can use a squash to help build a match. Savage was hyping up the Headshrinkers but it turned into a discussion of how good the Heavenly Bodies were. You have two talented teams and the announcers weren’t sure who would win. Let’s have a match and find out. That’s how you build a match but for some reason that ended somewhere along the line.
DiBiase is talking to Bigelow but gets annoyed upon seeing the camera.
Kwang vs. Mike Moraldo
A big boot drops the jobber but he ducks the mist. The squashing continues as Savage reads the ad for the upcoming USA movie. No that doesn’t mean anything but it’s not like I have anything else to talk about in a match like this. The spinwheel kick in the corner (which Kwang would do almost every time as Savio Vega) and another kick are good for two. We hit the chinlock for a bit before another spinwheel kick finishes Moraldo.
Rating: D. Nothing to see here of course, save for the good looking spinning kicks. Well that and the snickering at all the usage of the word Kwang, which sounds like another word for….I think you get the joke. Kwang was your run of the mill martial arts guy and that’s the kind of gimmick you can always have in wrestling for a low level gimmick.
New Generation ad.
Lex Luger vs. Mike Bell
Luger shoves him around and misses a shoulder that Mike sells anyway. DiBiase comes out to watch as Luger gets two off a rollup and a clothesline (barely made contact) before finishing with the Rack.
ORDER THE REPLAY!
DiBiase has signed Bigelow and says Luger is next to end the show.
Overall Rating: F. Really bad way to end the month with a horrible show. This was a bunch of squashes and almost no angles, save for the obvious Owen challenge to Bret. DiBiase buying people up for his stable has potential but it’s not like the Million Dollar Team is all that interesting in the first place. Bad show, but what else are you expecting from June 1994?
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – June 20, 1994: Rich Men, Old Guys and Fat Tubs of Goo
Monday Night Raw Date: June 20, 1994 Location: Westchester County Civic Center, White Plains, New York Attendance: 3,400
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage
It’s the night after King of the Ring and that means Owen Hart is the top heel in the promotion, which he kind of was coming into the pay per view. If nothing else we should have a main event set up for Summerslam now, with Owen challenging his brother Bret, who retained against Diesel. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Special moment here: the debut of the SPANISH announce team, though we don’t see their more famous table.
Diesel vs. Mark Thomas
Non-title. Thomas is absolutely jacked, to the point where I’m surprised they didn’t give him another look. Actually I’m not as this is during the middle of the STEROIDS TRIAL and this is the best jobber they can find. Thomas shrugs off a ram into the buckle as we talk about Jim Neidhart (which may never again be uttered in a discussion of Raw). We look at the commentary team and THERE’S THE TABLE!!! A knock to the floor has Thomas rocked and there’s the side slam back inside. Snake Eyes set up a neck crank, followed by the Jackknife for the pin.
Rating: D. This was just a way to get Diesel back on track, even though he won the match last night. He’s still the Intercontinental Champion and while that’s hardly remembered, it was a major point in his ascension to the top of the company. I still want to know why this jobber never got at least a look. Teach him almost anything and the look will carry the rest.
The King of the Ring Report recaps most of the show. That’s not the way I would push the encore but you can’t question the WWF’s business sense in 1994.
The announcers push the encore and you can see Savage high fiving fans behind him. That’s just cool.
1-2-3 Kid vs. Nikolai Volkoff
The winner gets a shot at Bret on July 11. Volkoff is part of the Million Dollar Team, meaning his (huge) gear says Property of the Million Dollar Man. Nikolai shoves him around a few times to start so Kid grabs a headlock for as much impact as you would expect. A choke takes Kid down and Volkoff stomps away, followed by a butterfly suplex as we flash back to the 70s. The gorilla press backbreaker gets two more but Volkoff pulls him up like a schnook. Kid tweaks his knee coming out of the corner but it’s just a fake, setting up a small package for the pin and the title shot.
Rating: D. The Kid was getting a lot better around this point but there’s only so much you can do against Volkoff and his ancient offense. It also doesn’t help when you’re supposed to believe that Volkoff is going to get a WWF World Title shot in 1994. Not a good match but again, why in the world was Volkoff in this spot?
Kid gets beaten down even more until Virgil of all people (He still had a job in 1994???) makes the save. That goes nowhere so Lex Luger makes the real save.
Next week: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Mabel! Thanks for the warning.
Yokozuna vs. Nick Barbery
Forearms and stomps to the back, chops, choking, big fat leg for the pin. The big story from the announcers: TYPHOON is coming to face Yokozuna. Again, thanks for the warning.
Typhoon vs. Black Phantom
Typhoon is billed from Norfolk, Virginia, which I never remember hearing otherwise. He runs into Yokozuna in the aisle and smacks him upside the head. Typhoon uses the big fat offense as Savage realizes that he’s doing commentary with Monsoon instead of Vince. The Phantom hammers away in the corner and looks quite good doing it, to the point where he probably should get a job. Actually he would as that would be the future Gangrel. A suplex and splash put the Phantom away with no effort.
It’s time for the King’s Court with Lawler wearing sunglasses. He rants about Piper bringing the (male) kid into the match, who Lawler claims was Piper’s daughter. Tonight’s guest is Duke the Dumpster Droese, the wrestling garbageman. Duke can’t get in the ring due to his stench though so Lawler makes Ace Ventura jokes. Droese says he doesn’t want to talk to a piece of garbage like Lawler so he walks out, only to have Lawler beat him with a garbage can.
Heavenly Bodies vs. Jim Powers/Russ Greenberg
Jim Cornette sits in on commentary and I could go with hearing him talk to Savage for years. Powers knees Del Ray down as we hear about the Bodies getting a Tag Team Title shot against the Headshrinkers. Prichard comes in and gets shouldered down as Cornette rants about Vanna White and dinosaurs. The Spanish commentary starts bleeding through, sending Cornette into one of his patented frenzied rants. Del Ray superkicks Russ, setting up an elevated DDT. Cornette says the Bodies are cockroaches and Del Ray mostly misses a moonsault press (cracking his pelvis in the process) for the pin.
Rating: D+. The Bodies are actually a really underrated tag team (I blame the hair) and it’s a shame that they never did much after Smoky Mountain went under. They had good looks and a solid enough gimmick to make it work, plus Cornette running his mouth like only he could. Check out their Smoky Mountain feud if you want to see just how good they could be.
Gorilla apologizes for the trashcan and says you’ll NEVER see that again.
Summerslam ad.
DiBiase has his eye on Luger and suggests he join the Million Dollar Team to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. Some really bad wrestling this week but sweet tuna melts on toast with papaya on the side Bret vs. the Kid could tear the house down. This was the fallout show from the pay per view so there’s only so much you can get out of it. The bigger problem though is this was such a weak time for the company that outside of a few stories, it’s absolutely not worth watching.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
King of the Ring 1994 (2017 Redo): Oh Art Donovan, You Beautiful Disaster
King of the Ring 1994 Date: June 19, 1994 Location: Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland Attendance: 12,000 Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Randy Savage, Art Donovan
It’s tournament time and that means it’s not likely to be the most interesting show in the world. On top of that, this is one of the weaker fields they’ve ever had, which makes for a rather dull few hours. Finally, this show is infamous for the commentary, which really was a disaster and a horrible idea. Let’s get to it.
Earlier today, Jeff Jarrett came up to the official bracket board and tried to advance himself. This brought in Bam Bam Bigelow, Owen Hart and IRS to start a big argument.
Opening sequence which explains the tournament (including running down the card) and the rest of the card. They’re REALLY stretching to fill in time here.
National Anthem.
The announcers welcome us to the show with Monsoon referring to Donovan as “Art O’Donnell”. Donovan, a former NFL player in his 70s who has NO IDEA what is going on here, picks Razor Ramon to win the tournament, which seems to be the only wrestler he’s been told about.
Before we get started, here are the brackets:
Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow
IRS
Mabel
Owen Hart
Tatanka
1-2-3 Kid
Jeff Jarrett
King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Razor Ramon
Ramon throws the toothpick at Luna Vachon and gets beaten down for his efforts. So Bigelow is just being chivalrous? Bigelow hammers him down and drops a headbutt as Art says he can’t stand to watch it. That’s one of the only things he’s said all match because, in theory, he has no idea what he’s watching here (not his fault).
Razor gets a running start and slides underneath the ropes to crotch Bigelow against the post. The middle rope bulldog gets two and it’s off to a leglock. Art realizes that Bigelow has Luna in his corner and asks about her as Bigelow misses an enziguri. A missed charge sends Razor flying over the top for a crash as the announcers talk about how tough you have to be to win one of these things. For some reason Savage doesn’t bring up the whole winning a one night tournament to win the WWF World Title at Wrestlemania IV, which they would never let him get away with today.
Bigelow kicks him in the face for two and Donovan is impressed. Well Bigelow has certainly made it then. Some headbutts to the back have Ramon in trouble and it’s off to a torture rack of all things. The hold stays on for a good while and Art thinks Razor is dead. Bigelow finally flips him down and gets caught in a belly to back suplex to put both guys down. Art: “What happens now?” Bigelow is too big for the Razor’s Edge so he slams Razor and loads up the moonsault. Razor is right back up though and kind of powerbombs Bigelow off the top into a rollup to advance.
Rating: C-. Pretty slow and plodding here but there’s only so much Razor can do with someone Bigelow’s size. It helps that Bigelow is able to move around far better than most giants and it made for a watchable power match. Putting Razor, probably the most popular guy in the tournament, through to the second round, was pretty much mandatory here.
We go to Todd Pettengill at the big board where IRS gives one of the most awkward interviews ever about beating Mabel and then wanting to face Tatanka in the finals. Mabel says he’ll never have his shoulders pinned to the mat. Mo agrees and is lucky that no one punches him out.
King of the Ring Tournament First Round: IRS vs. Mabel
Art as IRS comes out: “Randy, is this one of the wrestlers?” Then he doesn’t know Mabel’s name, which thankfully is ignored by the other announcers. I get that the guy doesn’t know any better but he’s already getting annoying. IRS tries to jump him from behind and gets sent into the corner over and over for his efforts.
Art wants to leave because of the danger of IRS having to fight someone twice his size and you can tell Gorilla and Randy are already sick of him. A Samoan drop sets up a big elbow as Art wants to know who the guy in the white suit (Mabel’s manager Oscar) is. Mabel misses a charge and gets kneed out to the floor. Back in and IRS hits a good looking jumping clothesline, which Savage says might be the best one in the history of the company. That’s a Michael Cole style line as commentary is just all over the place tonight.
In the HUH spot of the match, IRS tries a slam and gets small packaged for what looked like three, though the referee stops counting at two because I don’t think IRS could kick out. We hit the chinlock with Art thinking Mabel is wealthy because he has gold in his mouth. Mabel fights up and hits a backdrop followed by a bad looking Boss Man Slam. What looks like a middle rope splash is broken up though and IRS grabs a rollup (and a rope, which makes Mabel look like he’s on fire) for the pin.
Rating: D. I’ve actually seen worse as they just let IRS do his basic yet well done stuff while Mabel just looked imposing. The ending was the only real way to have Mabel get pinned and it didn’t even feel forced. We’ll call this a pleasant surprise, despite it still being a pretty weak match.
Jim Cornette and Mr. Fuji are ready to have Crush and Yokozuna win the Tag Team Titles.
King of the Ring Tournament First Round: Tatanka vs. Owen Hart
Oh you can imagine how Art is going to handle someone like Tatanka. With Art annoyingly asking how much Owen weighs (WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE???), Tatanka jumps him to start in a rather heelish move. The announcers basically make it clear that Owen is the favorite, more or less guaranteeing an Owen vs. Razor final (not that that’s a bad thing). Tatanka gets two off a suplex and Art asks how much he weighs.
Monsoon just starts talking over Donovan as Owen works on a headlock. Tatanka gets sent over the top but lands on his feet to drag Owen outside for a chop off. Owen posts him and we cut to the back where Razor and IRS are in a fight. That goes nowhere so Owen hits the running crotch attack to the back of the head that needs a better name than the running crotch attack to the back of the head.
A missile dropkick gives Owen two and we hit the chinlock. Monsoon is now flat out ignoring Art’s questions, which is probably the best possible option. Back up and Tatanka hits the war path, including a DDT for a close two. Another near fall off a powerslam annoys Tatanka and Owen sits down on a sunset flip for the pin to advance.
Rating: C. The match was perfectly fine but sweet goodness Art is getting old. There’s just nothing there from him and it takes a lot to really get on Monsoon’s nerves. As mentioned though, Owen winning is the most obvious result in the world for this show and there’s nothing wrong with that, especially when the first match was certainly watchable.
Shawn and Diesel liked hurting Bret and promise another Jackknife tonight. They’re not worried about any family member being in Bret’s corner either.
King of the Ring Tournament First Round: 1-2-3 Kid vs. Jeff Jarrett
Donovan thinks the Kid looks like a boxer. I don’t know many boxers with 1-2-3 on their singlet, or one with a singlet on in general for that matter. Jarrett starts fast and whips Kid hard into the corner and let’s keep hitting that NEW GENERATION catchphrase, which actually officially started tonight. So this is where the blame got started.
They trade clotheslines as Donovan thinks Kid has no chance here. Kid misses a Swanton but Jeff crotches himself (Donovan finds it HILARIOUS), setting up a high crossbody for two. The Bronco Buster misses and Jeff, who Art calls “a cutie” tries the Figure Four but gets small packaged for the pin.
Rating: B-. This is the kind of match where Jarrett excelled: fast paced, doing his basics and letting someone else do the hard work. Jarrett gets a bad reputation for not being the best character (he wasn’t) or not having the best matches (he didn’t), but he was going to give you a perfectly acceptable match, which is more important than a lot of things.
Post match Jeff snaps and piledrives Kid three times in a row.
The final four:
IRS
Razor Ramon
Owen Hart
1-2-3 Kid
New Generation ad, focusing on old vs. new, including Hogan listed as old of course.
Bret is ready for Diesel, no matter how devastating the Jackknife is. He won’t stand for injustice though and has a surprise to deal with Shawn.
WWF World Title: Bret Hart vs. Diesel
Diesel is challenging but his Intercontinental Title isn’t on the line. For the sake of clarity, I’ll only refer to Bret as champ. Diesel’s pyro from the ceiling only goes down a few feet instead of nearly halfway down to the ring as usual. Maybe they just didn’t have the formula down yet. Bret’s surprise is…..Jim Neidhart, who hasn’t been around in a few years. Savage makes the mistake of mentioning that Neidhart played football, prompting Art to NEED to know if Diesel was a football player too.
Diesel elbows him in the face to start and easily wins a slugout. That’s pretty out of character as Bret isn’t going to start slugging away until things are a lot more even. He’s smart enough to avoid a charge though and it’s time for the headbutt to the abdomen. A thumb to the eye cuts Bret off, which Art says isn’t kosher. Diesel misses another charge though and that’s your story for the match: Bret can’t match him for size and power but he’s smart enough to avoid Diesel’s reckless offense.
It’s already time to go after the knee, including the Figure Four. Diesel kicks him away so we hit the spinning toehold as the match flashes back to days when Donovan was just ancient and not….well Art Donovan. Bret wraps the leg around the post (Savage: “Go ahead and do it. I won’t look!”) but Shawn clotheslines him down, sending Neidhart into the chase.
Back in and Diesel grabs a bearhug but Bret bites his way to freedom, only to miss a dive to the floor. Donovan wants to know how these guys get out of bed in the morning (I’d assume they stand up) and Monsoon cuts him off with a level of rudeness you’ll never hear from him again. We hit the backbreaker with Bret being bent over the knee for a bit before hitting the running crotch attack to the back.
Another backbreaker gets another two as Diesel doesn’t exactly have his full offensive skill set yet. I mean, he only had about six or seven moves at his peak so you can imagine how bad things are here. Diesel grabs an over the shoulder backbreaker as Shawn tries to take off a turnbuckle pad. Bret slips out and starts trying a sleeper, only to be shoved into the referee.
NOW the buckle pad comes off but, of course, Diesel eats the steel instead. Bret slugs away (makes sense now, which is often the case with him) and gets two off a clothesline. That means the Five Moves of Doom but Shawn’s distraction breaks up the Sharpshooter. Bret tries to slug away a bit more and walks right into the big boot.
Diesel stands over him and gives the Jackknife sign but Bret rolls into a Boston crab (with the legs crossed but Bret’s legs are spread instead of intertwined). Of course it doesn’t last long as Diesel goes outside, allowing Shawn to hit Bret with the belt. There’s the Jackknife but Neidhart comes in for the DQ.
Rating: B. I actually like that finish as it keeps Diesel looking strong, meaning he wasn’t taking a pin while still Intercontinental Champion. Bret was carrying Diesel here and that’s exactly why they were put together. Diesel was VERY weak in the ring at this point but he could do a few things well, which Bret was more than capable of working with to make a good match. These two always had great chemistry together and that’s all you need a lot of the time.
It was all Diesel needed too, as this was the match that made Vince decide to push him to the moon, including making him champion in about five months. The problem was he didn’t have much beyond looking cool, a good finisher and a strong Royal Rumble performance. DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE TODAY???
Neidhart leaves for some reason (Dun dun dun?), allowing Diesel and Shawn to lay Bret out.
Lawler insults Donovan a bit and says he’s the true king and that’s the bottom line. He loves the idea of beating Piper so the kids in Toronto (who Piper had promised some of his winnings to) get NOTHING. Now that’s as heelish as you can get: “I want to beat you so poor sick kids are left out in the cold!” And people wonder why Lawler is considered one of the best of all time.
King of the Ring Tournament Semifinals: Razor Ramon vs. IRS
Razor jumps him in the aisle as Monsoon thankfully reminds us that these two fought at the Royal Rumble. IRS gets in a few shots but Razor takes him outside and sends him into the steps to really stagger him. A kick to the knee slows Razor down though and we hit the chinlock. Razor fights up without too much effort (because it was a kick to the knee and a chinlock), only to get caught with the running clothesline. Not that it matters as Razor hits a quick Razor’s Edge for the pin.
Rating: D. I wonder if Razor was injured here. There was barely any offense from Ramon until the very end and he spent a good chunk of a five minute match in a chinlock. Injury or not though, you have to put Ramon against Owen in the final, just for the sake of ANY star power/a threat to Owen in the last match.
Bret is looking for Neidhart.
There’s no update on the 1-2-3 Kid’s status after the attack.
King of the Ring Semifinals: Owen Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid
This one is kind of famous. Kid is fine enough to get in the ring, making the previous backstage segment rather worthless. Owen baseball slides him through the ropes and hits an even harder suicide dive to start things off. A top rope splash is good for two on the Kid but he sends Owen chest first into the corner, setting up a twisting high crossbody for two of his own. Kid gets the same off a crucifix as we’re not even a minute into this yet.
Some spinning kicks drop Owen again but the enziguri gets him out of trouble. Kid gets two more off a northern lights suplex with Owen going to the ropes for the break. Owen bails so it’s a BIG flip dive over the top and Savage announces his retirement from this level of action. Back in and a German suplex gives Owen two, followed by a snap overhead belly to belly for the same. A victory roll gives Kid another near fall but his hurricanrana is countered into a powerbomb, setting up the Sharpshooter to send Owen to the finals.
Rating: A-. That’s the best under five (four actually) minute match I’ve ever seen as they beat the heck out of each other and packed in about fifteen minutes of stuff into just over three and a half. Kid saves face because he came in injured so it’s even well booked on top of being entertaining. Check this out and see what these two could do when they were trying to show off.
Roddy Piper cuts a promo about taking his pants off, not remembering what town he’s in, loving Hershey bars, spaghetti with mosquito bites, various movies he’s been in, eating flies, not trusting people with no necks, “King Toady”, Don King, King the Dog and there being no such thing as a king. Piper is known for his crazy interviews and this was one of the weirdest I’ve ever seen from him. That includes the time he took over Alcatraz or the time he rambled about Hulk Hogan and hopped away for no apparent reason.
Tag Team Titles: Yokozuna/Crush vs. Headshrinkers
The Headshrinkers are defending of course. For once, Art asks the right question when he wants to know Yokozuna’s weight. He also brings up a good point: why are there eight people out here (Mr. Fuji/Jim Cornette/Lou Albano/Afa are all out as well) for a two on two match? The staredown (kind of a family reunion save for Crush) leads to a big brawl until the Headshrinkers start fighting each other for no apparent reason.
Yokozuna gets headbutted to the floor and we settle down to Yokozuna vs. Samu to start. A spinning kick to the face and a dropkick stagger Yokozuna and knock him outside again. It’s off to Crush vs. Fatu, who will have none of this faceplant nonsense. A piledriver plants Crush and a middle rope headbutt gets two. Fuji gets in a cheap shot from the floor and Crush grabs a piledriver of his own to really take over. It’s off to Yokozuna for the big fat leg but he misses a charge in the corner.
Samu comes in for a powerslam (I’ll let you guess to whom) and everything breaks down. A double superkick knocks Yokozuna outside for the third time (not a good sign less than eight minutes in) but he’s still able to crotch Samu on top. More managerial interference brings out Lex Luger (oh yeah he’s still around) to stare at Crush, allowing Samu to get in a superkick to retain.
Rating: D+. This was a decent power brawl but it was clearly just there to offer some extra flavor to go with the tournament. The Headshrinkers are one of my favorite teams from this era (or the 90s in general actually) and they were beating the heck out of Yokozuna here. That would be part of the huge downfall for Yokozuna, who went from beating Hogan the previous year to this in twelve months. It’s the problem with being a monster and someone whose gut probably has its own zip code.
Crush beats on Luger until the Headshrinkers make the save.
Owen promises to win and wishes his dad a Happy Father’s Day.
King of the Ring: Razor Ramon vs. Owen Hart
Razor punches him down and stares at him because they’re filling time despite the match not likely having much of it to work with in the first place. They do an awkward slam spot and Owen slaps him in the face to earn himself a catapult into the corner. A slow motion bridge into a backslide gives Razor two and Art changes his pick to Owen. The spinwheel kick drops Razor, who Art cheers for three seconds after changing his pick.
We hit an abdominal stretch to stay on the ribs but Razor hiptosses out and grabs a chokeslam for two. The belly to back superplex looks to set up the Edge but Razor gets backdropped to the floor. Here’s Neidhart to check on Razor and then deck him, setting up Owen’s top rope elbow for the pin and the crown.
Rating: C-. Obvious ending and unnecessary interference aside, this was the only way they could have done. Owen was still hot from beating Bret at Wrestlemania and needed a major win without changing the Intercontinental Title from one heel to another. Giving him the crown was as good of an option as they had and it made him look like a real threat in his big title shot against Bret.
Owen and Neidhart beat Razor down with a Hart Attack and CANADIAN (and American) stomping. Bret doesn’t save for no apparent reason.
We go to Bret in the back and he has no comment. Is there ANY reason why he didn’t come out here? I guess he’s supposed to be shocked but that doesn’t quite endear him to Razor. Not that he needed to do so but it would have made sense given how much he wanted to go after Neidhart.
Donovan asks Monsoon and Savage if they acted like that when they wrestled. Monsoon COMPLETELY ignores him and asks Randy about Neidhart’s sanity.
It’s already coronation time with Neidhart standing at Owen’s side. Owen brags and dubs himself the King of Harts, an awesome nickname.
Long recap of Piper vs. Lawler, which is mostly just them doing the exact insults you would expect from both of them. Like I mentioned, there’s also a children’s hospital shoehorned in here for the sake of some emotion.
Roddy Piper vs. Jerry Lawler
Lawler being a king confuses Donovan even more. Before Piper comes out, Lawler does his usual crowd insults and again promises to keep all the winnings. As is his custom for a big match, Piper is played to the ring by a pipe and drum corps. In the first pay per view main event ever between two wrestles over forty years old, Monsoon has the gorilla testicles to call this a NEW GENERATION match.
Piper even comes out with the imitator from Raw, who was rather insulting to him during the King’s Court. Apparently Piper has forgiven him….and I guess we’re supposed to be impressed. Uh, right. The kid (who is about seventeen at the youngest) does some Piper jokes (to be fair he does a great impression) and we’re FINALLY ready to go. Piper hammers away to start and Monsoon dubs it vintage. In the NEW Generation.
The kilt is thrown over Lawler’s head and Piper bites in the corner as I don’t expect much in the way of wrestling here. A big right hand sends Lawler bailing to the floor and the kid gets in a poke to the eye. Back in and Piper slugs away before telling Lawler to bring it. Piper starts going to the hamstring (psychology you see) and an atomic drop sends Lawler outside again.
Lawler’s hand is sent into the post as there’s nothing resembling wrestling anywhere in this match. The kid gets dragged inside and instead of BEATING LAWLER UP, Piper shoves the kid back to the floor. A bunch of punches set up….even more punches and we hit the sleeper on Piper. Monsoon says that’s a patented hold, even though I don’t think I ever remember seeing Lawler using one.
The piledriver (to NO reaction, just like most of this match) gets two (no reaction again) as Savage is trying everything he can to make this interesting. Piper spits at him and slugs back, followed by a pair of bulldogs. The ref gets bumped (you knew this wasn’t ending clean) and it’s a foreign object to knock Piper out. Lawler gets two with the kid making the save, allowing Piper to grab a belly to back suplex for the pin.
Rating: OG. For Old Generation. This was straight out of the nightmares of Memphis in front of a bored crowd who wanted to go home after a not great night. I get the idea here but this needed to go on about second, as there was no way these dinosaurs were going to be able to produce anything worthwhile. It just wasn’t a story that people were going to care about and there was no way around that. Terrible main event, and perhaps the worst in company history.
Piper celebrates with the kid…..and we go to Shawn telling Diesel that he’ll get the title soon enough to end the show. I guess the main event was so bad that it screwed up the show format. You know, even worse than it already did.
Overall Rating: D+. Art Donovan issues and main event aside, there’s enough good stuff going on here to help carry it over the line. The problem here is the lack of interest from the backstage forces, mainly due to trying to keep Vince out of jail and all that good stuff. There’s enough good wrestling to keep the show from flatlining but you’re much better off watching those individual matches rather than the full two hour and forty five minutes, which crawl by on more than one occasion.
The interesting thing here is how fast the show got through its ten matches though. Outside of Bret vs. Diesel, nothing breaks thirteen minutes with none of the tournament matches even getting nine minutes. To be fair though, it’s not like there was a reason to stretch out a predictable tournament and the World Title match more than makes up for it. Not as bad as remembered, but still not great or even good for the most part.
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Countdown to the Crowning Date: June 13, 1994 Location: Erie Civic Center, Eric, Pennsylvania Attendance: 3,500 Commentators: Stan Lane, Ted DiBiase
This is a special that may or may not have been an episode of Monday Night Raw (it’s not listed on the Network). Vince announced it as an episode of the show last week but it’s basically just a big commercial for Sunday’s pay per view with a single match. In other words, expect a lot of “video on this” here. Let’s get to it.
Vince and Randy are in a studio as they hype the tournament and introduce the match.
Tag Team Titles: Quebecers vs. Headshrinkers
The Samoans are defending. Samu doesn’t waste any time and drops an early headbutt to drop Pierre. One heck of a crossbody puts Pierre down so it’s off to Jacques for that attempt at a bulldog, earning himself a superkick. Back from a break with the Quebecers having taken over and Jacques grabbing a reverse chinlock.
For some reason he tries to drop down onto Fatu’s back and earns himself a low blow. I guess he’s not an Arn Anderson fan. It’s back to Pierre to try the Cannonball but Fatu moves away and hits a double dropkick (close enough) for the hot tag to Samu. The double Stroke and the top rope splash are enough to retain the titles.
Rating: D+. I’ve always liked the Headshrinkers so watching them beat up a couple of goofs who happen to have Johnny Polo with them is a fun enough sit. This was just a warmup before the Headshrinkers have their real defense against Crush and Yokozuna in a match I can barely remember.
Savage picks the Headshrinkers to retain.
Crush and Yokozuna disagree.
CALL THE HOTLINE!
Commercial for the New Generation with Savage saying he’s the bridge between the two generations. Until December when he goes to WCW and the bridge is out.
Recap of the Hall of Fame Class of 1994 induction ceremony, including Arnold Skaaland, Bobo Brazil, Buddy Rogers, Chief Jay Strongbow, Freddie Blassie, Gorilla Monsoon and James Dudley.
Here’s the King’s Court from May 30 with Bret Hart as the guest, but only after Lawler makes some jokes at the Hart Family’s expense. Lawler brings up Bret’s title defense against Diesel at King of the Ring so here are Shawn and Diesel to have Lawler’s back. Bret doesn’t back down and says he’s ready for whatever Diesel has. In a voice that clearly isn’t ready for this kind of spot, Diesel promises Bret the VIP treatment: Very Intense Pain. The beatdown is quickly on with a Jackknife leaving Bret laying.
Bret promises to have a family member in his corner at the pay per view.
LONG recap of how all eight entrants qualified for the tournament. This goes on so long that it needs a commercial in the middle. They really could have cut this whole show down to half an hour and been fine.
In the big centerpiece of the show, Savage makes his King of the Ring picks. Here they are, in all their glory, starting with the original bracket:
Mabel
IRS
Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow
Jeff Jarrett
1-2-3 Kid
Owen Hart
Tatanka
IRS
Bam Bam Bigelow
Jeff Jarrett
Tatanka
Bam Bam Bigelow
Jeff Jarrett
Bam Bam Bigelow
In other words, he got all but one pick wrong.
Video on Lawler vs. Piper.
Here’s the King’s Court from last week. Lawler’s guest is from Scotland and wears a Hot Rod t-shirt but just happens to be about seventeen years old and weighs 130lbs with a brick in each pocket. The guy does a good impression but it gets old in a hurry as you can get the joke after about two seconds. After a few gay jokes, the guy gets on his hands and knees to kiss Lawler’s feet in an attempt to get out of the match. He crawls out of the ring to finally end this.
Piper is dedicating this match to the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, which gets a quick plug. Nothing wrong with that.
And now, just to continue wasting time on the show, we go to a separate arena where Jack Tunney brings out all eight participants to say a very few words and then…..just stand there as the show ends.
Overall Rating: D-. Total waste of a show here in something that would have aired on the Network today. It didn’t help that the show wound up being one of the least interesting shows the company ever put on with the tournament really not working. I’m not looking forward to the pay per view and this really didn’t help things along.
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Monday Night Raw Date: June 6, 1994 Location: Struthers Fieldhouse, Youngstown, Ohio Attendance: 1,500 Commentators: Vince McMahon, Randy Savage
We’re coming up on King of the Ring 1994 and…..I need a minute just thinking about something like that. This is a really bad time for the company as Vince is dealing with the steroids trial so don’t expect a lot of good stuff on here. Well, save for the debut of one of the biggest stars of all time. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Tatanka vs. Crush
Lumberjack match in a rematch from last week’s draw. IRS and Razor Ramon getting in a fight before all of the lumberjacks are even at ringside. A bunch of lumberjacks get in the ring and tease a brawl as Crush gets in a few shots on Tatanka to start. Things settle down with Tatanka coming back with chops abut a toss sends him outside for a lumberjack beating.
Back in and we hit the chinlock but Crush misses a kneedrop. That means another far too early comeback before we take a break. Back with Tatanka working on an armbar, only to get pulled down into a weak cross armbreaker. McMahon mentions Crush possibly winning the Tag Team Titles as well as the King of the Ring in the same night if he wins here but shuts up when Tatanka chops him down.
It’s back to the armbreaker as this is already going WAY longer than it needed to. Savage: “My temperature is at about 114!” Vince: “That’s normal for you.” Savage: “Thank you.” Crush stays on the mat with a bodyscissors as the fans and lumberjacks are starting to get restless.
We take a second break (Why?) and come back with Crush getting tied up in the ropes but still managing an atomic drop. Crush grabs a front facelock for a good while before sending Tatanka outside, triggering the lumberjack brawl. Now it’s Crush being send outside for a beating of his own, including Lex Luger coming out to blast Crush with the forearm. Crush is done and Tatanka gets the very lame pin to advance at just shy of TWENTY FIVE MINUTES (counting commercials).
Rating: D-. You’ll often hear about how matches are too short today but this is a good reason why that’s not always the worst issue in the world. Just because you can give a match more time doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, especially if so much of the mat is just one guy putting on a hold for two to three minutes at a time. Holds can be used to advance a match but that’s not what was happening here.
King of the Ring Control Center with the full bracket being revealed:
IRS
Mabel
Razor Ramon
Bam Bam Bigelow
Jeff Jarrett
1-2-3 Kid
Owen Hart
Tatanka
We look back at Diesel attacking Bret Hart in the King’s Court with a little help from Shawn Michaels last week.
Bret thinks that proves Diesel isn’t jam up enough to fight on his own. A member of Bret’s family will be in his corner for the title match.
Roddy Piper sends in a video offering Bret his help. He’s ready to take care of Jerry Lawler too and talks about growing up in a rough neighborhood to prove it.
CALL THE HOTLINE! For some reason this is introduced with insults to the Flintstones movie. Rather odd and rather dumb as I always liked that movie.
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. John Paul
Bigelow misses an early splash but shrugs off an armbar. That means it’s time to make fun of the Flintstones for some reason with Vince calling Luna the Wilma Flintstone of the WWF. Paul gets in a few kicks and a sunset flip for two. Bigelow shrugs it off and hits a spinning splash for the quick pin.
House show ads.
Earlier today, some wrestlers beat some members of the Marines/Navy/Coast Guard in a tug of war to celebrate D-Day.
Here’s the King’s Court with Lawler running his mouth about Piper. His guest is from Scotland and wears a Hot Rod t-shirt but just happens to be about seventeen years old and weighs 130lbs with a brick in each pocket. The guy does a good impression but it gets old in a hurry as you can get the joke after about two seconds. After a few gay jokes, the guy gets on his hands and knees to kiss Lawler’s feet in an attempt to get out of the match. He crawls out of the ring to finally end this.
Razor Ramon vs. Keith Davis
Razor throws him around to start and catches a crossbody in the fall away slam. We hit the abdominal stretch for a good while until an elbow to the jaw makes things even worse. The belly to back superplex sets up the Razor’s Edge to complete the squash.
Rating: D. Total squash with Razor mauling the jobber in the exact fashion you would expect. Now that being said, this would have been a very different match later on as Davis would actually wind up to being a fairly decent worker in his own right. You might have heard of him under his real name: Jeff Hardy.
Paul Bearer is looking for Undertaker.
Ted DiBiase promises to produce the Undertaker on Superstars.
Overall Rating: D. That opener just killed everything and even seeing a seventeen year old Jeff Hardy out there selling as well as someone his age could do couldn’t save it. The show wasn’t any good and it set up a bad pay per view but with Vince trying to stay out of prison, you really can’t expect anything else.
There’s no Raw next week but there was a special called Countdown to the Crowning, because of course there is.
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