Lucha Underground – June 14, 2017: Murder and a Tournament
Lucha Underground Date: June 14, 2017 Location: Lucha Underground Temple, Boyle Heights, California Commentators: Vampiro, Matt Striker
It’s tournament time, which isn’t the most best description in the world around here. This time around it’s the start of the Cueto Cup, with the winner getting a Lucha Underground Title shot at Ultima Lucha Tres. Tonight we have first round matches, which could eat up a good chunk of time in a thirty two person tournament. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of Dario Cueto’s announcements last week, as well as Drago turning on his partners to join the villains. There’s also a clip of the Black Lotus Tribe destroying Pentagon Dark…..whenever that was.
Pentagon comes in to see Dario, who has a bracket board in his office, just in case you wanted him to get even more awesome. Dario doesn’t think much of him being back but Pentagon goes after the arm, earning himself a spot in the tournament. Before leaving, Pentagon promises to break some bones if he doesn’t win something at Ultima Lucha.
Cueto Cup First Round: Mala Suerte vs. The Mack
They flip around to start with Mack grabbing an armdrag. The fast pace continues until a standoff but Suerte stops to pose instead of following up. That man needs a role model. Suerte’s chops have no effect so Mack Samoan drops him for two. A hurricanrana takes Mack down for a basement dropkick and some arm waving.
That just seems to tick Mack off as he grabs an exploder suplex for two more. Suerte’s release German suplex sends Mack flying and Mala heads up top, despite Mack being 90% of the way across the ring. Instead of jumping though, Mala drops down and runs across the ring for a backsplash. Eh cute enough. Suerte misses a Swanton though and the Stunner advances Mack at 7:31.
Rating: C. This looked like a squash on paper but Suerte wound up getting in enough offense to make things entertaining. Mack is coming off back to back Lucha Underground Title matches though and it wasn’t likely to have him lose to a low level performer like Suerte this early on.
Cage, still wearing the gauntlet (which is still shooting electricity), is lifting when Dario comes in. The boss thinks Cage should meet Councilman Delgado but Cage doesn’t seem interested. Dario insists though, because he’s not scared of a giant wearing a powerful weapon.
Cueto Cup First Round: Argenis vs. Pentagon Dark
Argenis tries to handspring off the ropes and gets dropkicked in the mask for his efforts. Pentagon takes the knee out and it’s one sided to start. A hurricanrana drops Pentagon but he kicks Argenis in the head to take over again. An exchange of superkicks goes to Pentagon but Argenis is able to take him outside. That’s about it for his offense at the moment though as Pentagon kicks him in the face a third time. Argenis gets two off a neckbreaker, only to get suplexed into the corner. The pumphandle driver gives Pentagon two so it’s a package piledriver to put Argenis away at 5:44.
Rating: C+. Pentagon comes off like someone who knows how to maul people and it’s very entertaining to watch him do so. This was completely one sided with Pentagon toying with Argenis from bell to bell. If Pentagon doesn’t go a very long way in this tournament, there’s something wrong with this promotion.
Pentagon breaks Argenis’ arm for a second time, just because he can.
Cueto Cup First Round: Famous B. vs. Texano
B. yells at Melissa Santos for not introducing him from Texas. He needs a stud like Texano in his stable so he’s willing to let Texano get an uncontested pin. B. lays down but Texano picks him up at two, setting up a sitout powerbomb for the pin at 25 seconds.
Famous B.’s valet Brenda gives Texano a little spank, which he doesn’t seem to mind.
Video on Rey Mysterio getting ready to challenge Johnny Mundo for the Lucha Underground Title.
Cueto Cup First Round: Aerostar vs. Drago
Striker reminds us of their best of five series and when you add in following matches, they’re 3-3 against each other. It’s nice to have them add in stories like that for some interest in what should be nothing matches otherwise. You know, ignoring the whole betrayal last week. Drago is now in red and on Kobra Moon’s leash.
Aerostar offers a handshake to start but Drago won’t do it. With Aerostar’s back turned, Drago hesitates to hit him but a smile from Moon turns him more evil and Aerostar is in trouble to start. Aerostar grabs a drop toehold to send him into the middle buckle, only to eat a dropkick. This might be more entertaining if Striker would drop the hissing sounds whenever talking about Moon. A hurricanrana and kick to the head stagger Drago but he catches a springboard in a cutter for two.
They look at each other for a second and again, Drago doesn’t seem to want to do this. Aerostar hits a suicide dive to send Drago into the stairs but bangs himself up even worse at the same time. Some cheap shots from Moon keep Aerostar down and Drago fires off some more kicks. Aerostar is right back with a freaky modified Texas Cloverleaf while laying on his back with a bodyscissors around Drago’s ribs. It’s broken in just a few seconds but it certainly looked cool. Drago comes right back with the Dragon’s Tail for the pin at 7:26.
Rating: D+. This was much more about the storyline than the match and that’s not often a good thing. The Kobra Moon stuff really isn’t all that interesting and it would have been nice to have a refresher after so many months away from the story. At least the logical winner moved forward though and the story can continue in the Trios Titles matches.
Drago lays Aerostar out after the match, again at Moon’s wishes.
Cage goes to City Hall where Councilman Delgado promises Cage more power as their work begins. Cage then chokes Delgado against a wall….and PUNCHES HIS FACE IN, apparently murdering the Councilman because Cage is a machine and not a man.
Overall Rating: D+. This was about moving stories forward instead of the matches and that’s not the best thing in the world when we’re in the start of such a long story. Assuming four matches a week, we’re looking at four straight weeks of first round matches before we really move to the bigger stuff. Then again we had a murder on this show as Cage continues to become a potentially huge bad. Not the worst show here but it’s a first step of a long way.
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205 Live – June 6, 2017: I Guess Neville Isn’t a Gamer
205 Live Date: June 6, 2017 Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York Commentators: Tom Phillips, Corey Graves
It’s actually time for a new challenger this week. Neville retained his Cruiserweight Title at Extreme Rules and that means Austin Aries is finally in his rear view mirror. Now it’s time for TJP to get his shot in exchange for all the help he’s given Neville over the last few months. Neville didn’t take kindly to his claim at a shot and attacked him in advance. Let’s get to it.
The opening recap looks at TJP helping Neville with Aries and then being attacked anyway. It didn’t feel like a face turn though, making tonight more heel vs. heel.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Noam Dar for a match, though he doesn’t have Alicia Fox with him. Well so much for this one being interesting. As a VERY loud fan keeps asking about Fox’s whereabouts, Dar talks about Cedric Alexander losing Fox to him, the better man. Fox is at home recovering but she wants Cedric to move on already. Cedric cuts him off and we’re ready to go.
Noam Dar vs. Cedric Alexander
Cedric goes after the arm to start so Dar goes to the ropes, screaming in faux agony. Dar’s headlock works a bit better until Alexander pops up and dropkicks him to the floor. Back in and Cedric gets kicked off the middle rope before it’s time to work on the arm. A kick to the chest doesn’t work as well though and Alexander kicks him in the face.
That just earns Cedric another kick to the leg and things slow down again. An awkward looking rollup gives Dar two and another kick to the face gives him the same. You might notice a pattern in Dar’s offense here and that’s not a good thing. Alexander charges into a boot but is still able to reverse the running kick into the Lumbar Check for the pin on Dar at 7:07.
Rating: C. Dar continues to be one of the most annoying talkers (in a good way) and weaker in-ring performers on the brand. He’s just not interesting to watch in the ring and that’s going to catch up with him. I can’t get interested in someone who does a bunch of running kicks to the chest and works on armbars for the rest of the match. He’s good on the mic but at some point, the bell has to ring.
Cedric says they’re done.
Video on TJP winning the inaugural Cruiserweight Classic.
TJP says Neville has a TJP problem.
Mustafa Ali vs. Louie Valle
Ali grabs the wristlock to start but gets his throat snapped across the top rope. A hard ax handle to the chest gives Valle two and Louie stomps away in the corner. Ali comes right back with a kick to the head and the rolling neckbreaker but cue Drew Gulak with a siren before the inverted 450. Drew: “SAFE AND SOUND! FEET ON THE GROUND!” Not that it matters as Ali reverses a cradle into the pin at 3:34.
Rating: D+. This was just a way to give Ali some momentum back and continue his feud with Gulak. I’m not sure where they’re going to wrap things up but I’d have Ali join him for a bit. At some point just having Gulak on his own doesn’t work and he’s going to need some followers. I know I say that every week but it’s still a problem that needs to be fixed.
Gulak keeps talking on his bullhorn until Ali hits a running flip dive to take him down.
Video on Rich Swann’s rise to the Crusierweight Title and eventual partnership with Sasha Banks.
Swann is speaking Japanese with Akira Tozawa when Titus O’Neil comes in and asks to speak to Tozawa alone. Titus wants to spread his Brand international and says Tozawa should talk to his best friend Apollo Crews about the opportunity. As usual, Tozawa seems confused but that might be due to Titus imitating his barking/shouting/grunting thing.
Neville isn’t worried about TJP because TJP was just a means to an end.
Cruiserweight Title: TJP vs. Neville
TJP is challenging. After the Big Match Intros, Neville takes him straight into the corner and slaps TJP’s head a bit. That earns him a front flip and some head slapping of his own so Neville grabs a headlock to slow the pace a bit. TJP wristlocks him down into an armbar They take turns flipping out of holds until TJP grabs something like a Sharpshooter/Figure Four hybrid, which sends Neville right to the ropes.
A Tarantula keeps Neville in trouble but he pulls TJP to the floor and stops to glare at the announcers. TJP is in big trouble back inside and a missile dropkick makes things even worse. The champ gets too cocky though and a backdrop sends him outside for a corkscrew dive and a big crash.
There’s the slingshot dropkick into the double chickenwing gutbuster for a close two and the shock sets in on the kickout. Neville misses a knee so TJP kicks it out, only to charge into a superkick. The Phoenix splash misses as well and the kneebar goes on but Neville rolls into the Rings of Saturn to retain at 14:07.
Rating: B. This was better than I thought it would be as TJP set up the leg as well as he could have. They’re really pushing the idea that Neville is clearing out the division, which is going to make whoever takes the title all the bigger deal. It’s almost hard to believe that he’s only held the title for five months. Let him do his thing and then move up to the main roster, like he should have been all along.
Overall Rating: C+. The main event helped a lot and helped this show as more of a stand alone episode rather than something that moved the main story forward. Neville needs a new challenger, which he can get in the next few weeks. In theory that would have been Tozawa but he’s getting to deal with Titus O’Neil for reasons of general nonsense. Not a bad show this week but it’s nothing you need to see.
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205 Live Date: June 13, 2017 Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana Commentators: Vic Joseph, Corey Graves
It seems that we have a new challenger to Neville’s Cruiserweight Title as the champ called out Akira Tozawa last night on Monday Night Raw. Hopefully that doesn’t mean we’ll be seeing a lot of Titus O’Neil as a bonus because he’s been hitched to Tozawa for reasons unclear. We should also be hearing something about Austin Aries’ future. Let’s get to it.
Tozawa is getting ready in the back when Titus comes in to say he’s gotten Tozawa a main event match against TJP tonight. Akira tries to say something about the Titus Brand but Titus cuts him off and says Tozawa signing would mean, in song, that it’s raining yen. Tozawa really doesn’t seem impressed and I can’t say I’m surprised.
Opening sequence.
The announcers (with Joseph being welcomed to the team) preview the show.
Cedric Alexander vs. Ariya Daivari
Cedric flips out of a wristlock to start and the threat of a kick to the head sends Daivari running away. Back in and Daivari drives Cedric back first into the corner but he comes right back with a good looking dropkick for two. Cedric’s springboard clothesline is broken up and we hit the neck chinlock. One heck of a jumping knee to the head gets two on Cedric and it’s off to the chinlock again. Cedric fights up and hits the handspring enziguri for two, followed by the springboard clothesline. Hang on though as here’s Noam Dar with Alicia Fox on his phone. Cedric kicks him down and grabs the Lumbar Check for the pin at 6:53.
Rating: C+. That might have been the least interesting and worst run-ins I can remember in a very long time. Alexander keeps beating Dar and making him look like a goon so why is he still doing this stuff? The Fox stuff is about as annoying as it can be (in a good way) but what is the point in this story continuing when Alexander has won all the matches and showdowns while saying it’s over? I really don’t get this one.
Post match Cedric grabs the phone and ignores Fox before hanging up on her.
Here’s Austin Aries for his first comments after losing to Neville again. He was thinking this would be a bit of a different kind of moment but he’s out here without his Cruiserweight Title. While he’s ready to keep going, WWE thinks he needs to be medically cleared and he has to take some time off.
This brings out Tony Nese to say to say Aries needs to get out of the ring before he starts fading into the past. Aries brings up making Nese tap out recently, which means violence is teased. This brings out Jack Gallagher (Where has he been?) to say this is a city about having fun. If Nese thinks he’s Aries’ replacement, that makes him the biggest joke of all. Nese swings so Gallagher takes him apart with the umbrella.
TJP runs into Rich Swann, who thinks the fans were starting to believe in him again but that changed in a hurry. Swann wants the old TJP back.
Video on Mustafa Ali but it’s cut off by Drew Gulak, who doesn’t think Ali has the fans’ best interests in mind. On the other hand, Gulak only cares about making fans happy, albeit in a safe way. They square off next week.
Gallagher vs. Nese next week as well.
TJP vs. Akira Tozawa
Tozawa shouts a lot and grabs a headlock. A kick to the chest and the screaming backsplash give Tozawa two as Titus O’Neil is watching in the back. TJP finally gets in a dropkick to knock Tozwa out of the air but his arm is a big banged up. He’s fine enough to work on a neck crank with an arm trap as things slow down a bit.
Back up and Tozawa hits a nice springboard forearm into a nipup, making him like Shawn Michaels with worse hair. For some reason this brings up a CM PUNK chant until TJP puts on a something like a standing Indian Deathlock. That’s switched over to a butterfly lock until Tozawa comes back up with a hurricanrana. TJP bails to the floor and eats a suicide dive for little reaction.
Back in and Tozawa gets crotched on top, setting up the double chickenwing gutbuster for two. They slug it out with Tozawa getting the better of it, only to have TJP grab a quick kneebar. Tozawa grabs the rope so TJP kicks his mouthpiece out. Not that it matters as Tozawa comes right back up with a Saito suplex and the top rope backsplash for the pin at 11:16.
Rating: C+. This took a bit to get going but the last few minutes were quite good. TJP’s kick to the face looked awesome, as did Tozawa speeding things up into the Saito suplex. This was the kind of win that Tozawa needed to follow up on the Kendrick feud. Now if only he can ditch Titus, he would be firmly in line for a Cruiserweight Title shot.
Post match Titus is singing It’s Raining Yen in the back when Neville comes up. Neville really doesn’t care about any of this because Tozawa isn’t ready for the Neville level. Titus says Tozawa is the future to end the show.
Overall Rating: B-. Good show here as they’re setting up a fresh challenge for the title, along with giving us an update on Aries. I still don’t get the point in having Alexander vs. Dar continuing but maybe they’re setting up something in the future. This might not have been the best show on its own but it helped set stuff up for the future, which is also very important.
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Impact Wrestling – June 15, 2017: One of the Worst Shows They’ve Ever Had
Impact Wrestling Date: June 15, 2017 Location: Film Studio 7, Mumbai, India Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews
We’re still in India and tonight’s main event is a special treat for the live crowd. This week will see Sonjay Dutt challenging Low Ki for the X-Division Title in an effort to shake away his moniker of the best X-Division wrestler to never win the title. Other than that the build to Slammiversary continues with less than three weeks to go. Let’s get to it.
The opening video looks at Dutt vs. Low Ki with both guys taking their own path to get here. Low Ki doesn’t seem to mind where they are.
Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet
This is a ten man Royal Rumble with ninety second intervals and when there are two remaining, it’s a regular one on one match. The winner gets…..a trophy! Suicide is in at #1 and Matt Sydal is in at #2 as we hear about Josh Matthews having his first match in fifteen years tonight.
Sydal headscissors him into the ropes but Suicide is right back in to headbutt Matt down. A standoff goes nowhere and it’s Davey Richards in at #3. Davey takes Sydal down by the leg as we hear about Josh needing to get another Twitter account due to having too many followers. KM is in at #4 and there’s not much going on just a few minutes in. Suicide hangs in the ropes and low bridges KM to the apron. Swoggle is in at #5 as Davey dropkicks Suicide out. KM and Davey no sell some chops and KM shoves Swoggle down.
Eddie Edwards is in at #6 and is eliminated along with Davey in about ten seconds. Back from a break with Rockstar Spud having entered as #7 and getting beaten down by Swoggle. There are four people in the ring and no eliminations during the break so the clock is already way off. Spud drops Sydal and throws Swoggle into the corner, as the announcers try to make Spud into the heel in this whole thing. You know, the guy who was ASSAULTED WITH A HAMMER!
Kongo Kong is in at #8 and eliminated Sydal without too much effort. Spud is tossed as well and Moose is in at #9. Spud isn’t done though and helps get rid of Swoggle with the announcers saying we’re guaranteed to continue this feud. Moose lasts all of fifteen seconds but Mahabali Shera is in at #10 and his dad is in the front row.
Kong charges at Shera and gets low bridged out so the referee comes in for the regular match as we take a second break. Back again with KM stomping away in the corner as Davey/Angelina Love vs. Eddie Edwards/Alisha in Full Metal Mayhem at Slammiversary. KM gets two off a slingshot splash but Shera grabs an AA for a breather. The Sky High is enough to give Shera the pin at 24:56.
Rating: D-. This was nothing but filler and they weren’t even trying to hide it. If you want Shera to win in front of his home country that’s cool, but couldn’t you have him come in a bit earlier for the sake of some work and some drama? I have a bad feeling this is going to be the extent of what happens with the trophy and if they spent a fourth of a show on this one match….egads. On top of that the match was really boring with Spud vs. Swoggle as possibly the featured attraction before the ending.
Shera celebrates with his family and here are some Sony Six executives to present the trophy. Shera holds the trophy and looks close to crying.
Video on Dutt not being able to win the X-Division Title. Now he’s home and ready to fulfill his dream.
DeAngelo Williams (NFL free agent) will be in the ring at Slammiversary. We see a bit of his in-ring training in Canada.
We see Joseph Park and JB heading to a Kung Fu studio to train. It turns out that Park gets confused and they wind up at a Chinese food buffet with good kung pow chicken.
LAX is going to be in other promotions to make statements since they’re not allowed in India. So they’re taking the Hardys’ gimmick.
Here’s E-Singh-3 with a man in a suit. He talks about his family lineage dating back to his seventh great grandfather being a full blooded Indian. The main in the suit translates with Ethan talking about how he’s one of the people here. Ethan is here to destroy Indian culture and rips on the people even more but the translator won’t say it. Carter beats him up and whips him with a belt until James Storm comes in for the save.
Spud and Swoggle got in an argument at catering earlier today. This results in Spud being sent face first into his food and a chase. As I say every week, this isn’t funny and I can’t imagine a lot of people are interested.
Here’s Josh Matthews, looking like he weighs 114 pounds soaking wet with two bricks in his pocket, for a sparring session. Josh explains the tag match (in case you haven’t heard the concept in the last two and a half months) and hypes up his opponent as an Olympic wrestler, a Bollywood star and a cricket champion.
Josh Matthews vs. Sandik DeKhan
DeKhan is a rather rotund guy who is barely taller than the top rope. Josh armdrags him down but eats a dropkick. That earns Sandik a knee lift and Swanton Bomb (not bad actually), followed by a Steiner Recliner for the submission at 2:25.
Shera comes out post match for no apparent reason but Lashley runs in for the save. Why? Josh gets in another Recliner, which really shouldn’t hurt. Alberto El Patron runs in for the real save. That was one of the most illogical segments this company has run in a long time.
JB and Park train with action figures with Magnus taking JB’s place because he doesn’t have an action figure. They do however study Steiner’s math promo. Park: “How did this guy ever get over? His promos suck.” A highlight reel scares them but Park is ready to face their fears. Steiner calls them though and both guys panic.
Trevor Lee vs. Braxton Sutter
Lee jumps him from behind and Sutter is knocked to the floor in a heap. Back in and a deadlift German suplex gives Trevor two but he stops to yell at Allie. Back in and Sutter gets in a powerslam, followed by the fisherman’s neckbreaker for the pin at 2:08.
Post match Sienna and Laurel Van Ness come out to challenge Allie and Rosemary to a tag match next week.
Low Ki has hurt Dutt before and he’ll do it again.
The roster is ready for Slammiversary.
Here’s Moose for a chat but Eli Drake and Christopher Adonis come out to interrupt in a hurry. Drake calls everyone dummies and claims to have been ripped off in their title match. Moose wants to fight them both at Slammiversary but the double beatdown is on now. Not that it matters as Moose clears the ring without too much effort. Moose promises to deliver a partner next week. You know, because it’s so hard to figure out.
JB and Park answer Steiner’s call so he can yell a lot. I can barely understand him because it’s over a phone but corn on the cob is mentioned. JB offers to call the match off but Steiner threatens violence. Park and JB run off instead, leaving Steiner to yell even more.
X-Division Title: Sonjay Dutt vs. Low Ki
Dutt is challenging and still has his eyepatch on. A hard body shot puts Dutt down because he couldn’t see it coming thanks to the bad eye. The patch is pulled off and Dutt snaps off a hurricanrana into an armdrag. A dropkick sends Dutt to the floor and they fight into the crowd where Dutt has to escape a Ki Crusher.
Sonjay mostly misses a moonsault off the barricade but what looked to be Sliced Bread #2 is countered with a drop onto the steps. Back from a break with Low Ki stomping away and grabbing something like an abdominal stretch/Octopus Hold hybrid. Dutt fights out and Low Ki takes off the jacket, earning himself a great looking superplex.
Low Ki breaks up a sunset flip and snaps off a standing double stomp for two. A tornado DDT drops the champ (who has a bloody eye) and a top rope splash gives Dutt the title at 16:28. The commentary was rather horrible there as they barely reacted to either the setup or the title change.
Rating: B. Well that was sudden. There wasn’t exactly much of a build to the finish but at least they went with exactly what they should have done. This was the biggest layup of the entire taping cycle and they did exactly what they should have done without trying for some kind of a screwy finish.
Some wrestlers come out to celebrate with Dutt, including Shera putting him on his shoulders to end the show.
Overall Rating: D. Before I get into this, let me make it clear that the main event was a completely separate part of the show and isn’t included in the following criticisms. That last match was exactly what it should have been and aside from a pretty weak ending, I had no complains about it.
As for the rest of the show though, it was nothing short of a disaster and one of the worst things this company has ever done (and consider all that covers). The opener was long and awful, the second match was there to further one of the worst angles I can remember in a long time and the third match was barely anything. Couple that with not very funny “training” segments for a ring announcer and a comedy character plus the excruciatingly not funny Swoggle vs. Spud feud and this was one of the most awful shows I’ve ever seen them do.
The World Title feud has taken a huge backseat to the “comedy” angles (though I think the announcers’ feud is supposed to be at least somewhat serious), mainly because they barely have a reason to be fighting. Yeah they have that one match two and a half months ago but neither Alberto nor Lashley have the character depth to pull off something very interesting. They’re both skilled performers and perfectly acceptable from bell to bell but their characters are basically confined to “I’m a good wrestler”. When you barely have a single segment in the ring per week, there’s not much you can do to build a match.
The problem here boils down to the writing not being very good. I know they’ve had Dixie to blame over the years but we’re two and a half months into the new leadership team and it’s some of the weakest TV I can remember them doing in a very long time. There’s basically no midcard out of Moose vs. Eli Drake (a feud which is coming up on a celebrity tag match instead of fighting for Moose’s title) and the Tag Team Champions (who have two titles each) aren’t even on TV at the moment due to whatever reason.
Instead we’re getting a focus on Spud vs. Swoggle over seeing Swoggle’s underwear while the top feud is battling announcers plus a lawyer and a crazy man who arguably hit his in-ring peak 26 years ago. That’s the new Impact Wrestling and if this is what they’re setting up for Slammiversary, Bound For Glory might be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.
Results
Mahabali Shera won the Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet
Josh Matthews b. Sandik DeKhan – Steiner Recliner
Braxton Sutter b. Trevor Lee – Fisherman’s neckbreaker
Sonjay Dutt b. Low Ki – Top rope splash
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Ring of Honor TV – June 14, 2017: The Latest Invasion
Ring of Honor Date: June 14, 2017 Location: 2300 Arena, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Commentators: Colt Cabana, Ian Riccaboni
Best in the World is rapidly approaching and it would be nice to actually know something about the card other than just the main event. I know I’ve liked the fact that we know that match so far in advance but a little more than that would be nice. Hopefully it’s not just throwing a bunch of names together and hoping for the best. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Young Bucks/Hangman Page vs. Roppongi Vice/Chuck Taylor
Taylor is Trent Barretta’s other partner so this is kind of a mixture of two teams. It’s a brawl to start with the Bullet Club being sent outside for a big flip dive. That earns Chuck a chant, followed by the BEST FRIENDS chant (Trent/Chuck’s team name). Trent does a big run up and down the apron before slingshotting in for a stomp to the face.
Chuck adds a slow motion hilo and we get a big hug. Romero isn’t happy so he grabs Trent’s leg as the announcers talk about either team being possible challengers for the Six Man Tag Team Titles, again showing how TOTALLY WORTHLESS those belts are. These teams are working together for possibly the first time ever in this promotion and they might be in line for a title shot? Vice and Chuckie have some communication issues but Romero clotheslines the Bucks down anyway. That means the Bucks might have to sell something so they start cleaning house with kicks and a flip dive as we take a break.
Back with Romero being pulled off the apron so Chuckie can get the hot tag. A middle rope dropkick puts Page on the floor and Nick is suplexed into Matt. Everything breaks down again and Matt gets reverse Razor’s Edged into a cutter for two. Romero suicide dives onto Nick and Adam, leaving Matt to eat a cradle piledriver for two more. Strong Zero is broken up but Chuck takes Romero’s place to keep the wedge going. Nick Swantons onto Trent for the save and it’s time for a bunch of kicks to the face.
The slingshot X Factor drops Trent again and a DDT on the apron makes things worse for Chuckie. More Bang for Your Buck gets two with Romero making the save for Chuckie, meaning it’s time for the Superkick Party. Romero even shields Chuckie but he takes his sixth superkick anyway. The Meltzer Driver is broken up and a quick rotating piledriver is enough for the pin on Matt at 13:31.
Rating: B-. That was a lot of fun, assuming you can ignore the lack of the tagging and the Bucks in general, though I’ve ranted enough about them as of late. Chuck being wedged into the team is interesting, though that’s a story that could have taken three months and they did it in a single night here. If nothing else it’s nice to have someone from Kentucky who isn’t a hillbilly or Eugene.
The winners celebrate.
The Kingdom is ready to beat up the Boys next week. This team is still stupid.
Video on Jay White, who is so glad to be here after working so hard. The New Japan Dojo is awesome if you didn’t know that. He had a great match with Will Ospreay at War of the Worlds and now it’s time to face Punishment Martinez, who interrupted after. The Martinez stuff was a simple promo style and I liked it more than what you usually get around here.
Rebellion vs. Jay White/Jonathan Gresham
Shane Taylor/Rhett Titus for Rebellion here. The Rebellion jumps White and Gresham in the aisle to start as Alex Shelley joins commentary. Double dives take the Rebellion down as a Jay White chant starts up. White throws Gresham at Titus and we hear Shelley talking about how awesome Search and Destroy is. I still don’t quite know who is actually on that team at this point and I still don’t know why it’s supposed to be interesting.
The opening bell finally rings with the massive Taylor hammering on the tiny Gresham. Titus adds a gutwrench powerbomb and a splash for two. There’s no White to tag so it’s back to Taylor as we take a break. Back with Gresham still in trouble until Titus Bronco Busts Taylor by mistake.
White comes in to clean house as everything breaks down. Jay actually slams Taylor and a two man backsplash gets two. Caprice Coleman comes in with a spinebuster on Gresham so Shelley and Chris Sabin come in to take Coleman down. Jay dives onto the Rebellion and the match is thrown out (because SOMEONE INTERFERING IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE isn’t a DQ anymore) at 8:30.
Rating: C. This has been my least favorite story in Ring of Honor for months now as these teams really aren’t interesting. They’re just kind of there for the sake of having a feud, which isn’t enough to keep my interest most of the time. It doesn’t help that there’s nothing for these teams to do other than fight for a potential shot at the worthless Six Man Titles, which isn’t enough to keep my interest.
Shelley issues a challenge for Best in the World: Search and Destroy vs. Rebellion with the losing team having to disband. Well that helps a lot.
Kazarian has a belt and wants to use it on Hangman Page.
Jay Briscoe isn’t happy with the Boys costing him a tag match last week. Therefore, he wants to eat the Boys.
TV Title: Kushida vs. Marty Scurll
Scurll is defending and has to spin out of a wristlock to start. The fans decide that THIS is wrestling as the announcers talk about wrestlers debating what the top title is around here. Eh probably something from New Japan. Marty can’t spin out of a front facelock so Kushida spins around on his back and mocks the bird pose.
Back from a break with Kushida kicking him in the head and adding a springboard chop. The champ quickly breaks a cross armbreaker but Kushida grabs a DDT into a failed fisherman’s buster. Kushida misses a flip dive but is still able to reverse a chickenwing attempt into a cradle for two. They start trading the kicks until Kushida handsprings into the chickenwing.
The Hoverboard Lock goes on but Scurll spins out and snaps the finger. A hard clothesline turns Kushida inside out and both guys are down. Back up and Scurll calls for the chickenwing but the lights go out. They come back up in a hurry and someone is on the apron, wearing Scurll’s villain costume. Of course it’s Adam Cole and the distraction sets up a fisherman’s buster into a small package to give Kushida the title at 11:32.
Rating: B. I was ready to be annoyed at the title change but the interference and advancement of Cole vs. the Bullet Club helps a lot. I’m never wild on throwing a title on a New Japan guy if they’re not going to be around full time (which isn’t happening here) but you have to get used to it at this point.
Overall Rating: B. This was easily the best TV show they’ve done in several weeks as they advance stories, change a title and help get ready for a pay per view. I had a good time with the show and it flew by, which really isn’t the norm around here. Keep this stuff up and don’t take major detours before a pay per view and things will be fine.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Raw Tenth Anniversary (2017 Redo): Down With The Sickness
Raw 10th Anniversary Date: January 14, 2003
Location: The World, New York City, New York
Hosts: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
This is a very different kind of show as there are no new matches on it and probably no angle advancement, but rather a two hour long history package on the history of Monday Night Raw. In other words, this could range anywhere from a lot of fun to the biggest disaster since Rob Bartlett. Let’s get to it.
The opening is a big mash up of all the intros in a cool touch. Nice start.
We look at the first episode, which turns into a look at the early years of the show, set to Kid Rock’s Bawitaba. They hit almost everything over the ten years as montages are almost always fun.
JR and King welcome us to the show, which has the wrestlers sitting around a bunch of tables with empty plates in front of them. The Academy of Wrestling Arts and Sciences has determined the awards tonight, which made me chuckle for some reason. The awards themselves are called Ruckus Awards for reasons that aren’t clear.
Shawn Michaels comes out to present Diva of the Decade as they’re hitting the awards in a hurry. We hear about Shawn being #1 in the Rumble and get a few jokes about Bull Nakano and Bertha Faye. Here are the nominees with each one getting a highlight reel, as will be the case all night:
Sable
Sunny
Trish Stratus
Lita
Chyna
Winner: Trish Stratus. Trish gives a nice acceptance speech, thanking everyone who paved the way for her as well as Fit Finlay for his coaching, but the regular fans yelling ruin the moment.
And so much for this show being anything of note. Trish would wind up being a huge deal but at this point, she was eye candy who could barely get through a competent match more often than not. She only debuted back in 2000 and she’s already the best over the last ten years? In other words, she’s actually here and not on the injured list. This should have been Sable or maybe Chyna, but Trish makes it a horrible joke from the start.
Coach and Stacy Keibler are counting down the Top Ten Raw Moments so far, as voted by the fans (I’m sure). #10: This is Your Life Rock. How in the world is that not WAY higher? That was one of the better moments of the Attitude Era and one of the funnier things the company has done, just due to the natural chemistry on display. Unfortunately the blurring of the WWF logos make me look for my glasses instead of actually enjoying the segment.
Shane McMahon introduces the Don’t Try This at Home Award for craziest spot. The nominees:
Big Show chokeslams Undertaker through the ring
Jeff Hardy in TLC 2002 (no specific moment)
Dudley Boyz powerbomb Mae Young off the stage
Kurt Angle misses a moonsault off the top of the cage
Winner: Kurt Angle. Big Show was on his way to the stage for the award when he was told he didn’t win. Team Angle holds up an American flag behind Kurt as Kurt reads a speech with well timed paused for WHAT chants. His music plays him off as he gets to his childhood and things are wrapped up in a hurry.
Those aren’t exactly the best nominees but a lot of big bumps don’t take place on Raw. I’d have gone with the Outlaws shoving Mankind and Chainsaw Charlie off the stage in a dumpster but I don’t think any of them worked for the company at this point, save for the injured Billy Gunn.
Here’s a montage of horrible gimmicks, including but not limited to Kamala (quite the career with a simple gimmick), IRS (the most memorable stretch of a long career), TL Hopper (stupid), Kwang, Dean Douglas (could have been fine with a more accepted performer), Men on a Mission (one of whom main evented Summerslam), Papa Shango (now in the Hall of Fame), Earthquake (way past his prime by the Raw era), Johnny Polo (had a TON of potential), Hakushi (talented guy and I’m not sure how he qualifies as a bad gimmick, save for the characters on his upper body) and Tatanka (gimmick as old as wrestling itself).
I left out a ton for the sake of keeping this short but most of those are perfectly fine. Like really, how Earthquake was a bad gimmick? Actually is Earthquake even a gimmick? He’s just a big guy who sat on your chest (sounds like Rikishi, who is pushed as a veteran star on Smackdown). Yeah a lot of the names listed here were stupid but mixing names like the Bushwhackers (who wrestled with those characters for years and were eventually inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame) and Tekno Team 2000 (a nothing team whose gimmick wasn’t exactly clear) is nonsense.
Oh and the person who introduced this: Stacy Keibler, whose gimmicks have included sexy secretary/businesswoman, random blonde woman and marketing director who makes testicle jokes. In other words, this is WWE acting like they’re the most clever people in the world and anyone who dares suggest that they’ve ever had a bad idea doesn’t get how sports entertainment works.
Moment #9: Austin crushes Rock’s car.
Booker T. presents the Tell Me I Didn’t Just See That Award for most shocking moment. After a few jokes about Chris Jericho’s outfit and hair (Booker: “You go girl!”), here are the nominees:
3 Faces of Foley
Eric Bischoff Debuts
The Brawl for All (the whole thing)
Kane Lights Things on Fire
Austin Drives a Zamboni to the Ring
Winner: 3 Faces of Foley, though Foley isn’t here tonight. That was a really cool moment and showed off how awesome Foley’s character really was but it pales in comparison to Bischoff appearing on Raw.
You could also throw in something like the 1-2-3 Kid beating Razor Ramon, Rock and Hogan squaring off or Hogan vs. Austin (it happened, albeit for about eight seconds in a six man tag). But no, let’s go with someone who can’t be here when Bischoff is RIGHT THERE.
He’s so RIGHT THERE that he’s interviewed after the award is given and says he’s focused on the next 29 days as he tries to fix Raw.
Ric Flair comes out to announce the wrestlers who have passed away in the Raw era, with a video set to Tell Me a Lie:
Andre the Giant (who never appeared on Raw), Joey Marella, Brian Pillman, Rick Rude, Owen Hart, Gorilla Monsoon, Yokozuna, British Bulldog
In other words, the big names instead of people they feel the need to mock, like Bertha Faye earlier. You know, because it was too hard to list more than eight names.
Chris Jericho comes out in his goofy gear and dedicates the look to the Hollywood Fashion Plate Classy Freddie Blassie. We get the nominees for the Gimme the Mic Award:
Steve Austin
D-Generation X
Kurt Angle
Mick Foley
Mr. McMahon
The Rock
Winner: The Rock. Jericho tries to take the award for himself but Rock appears on screen (because he can’t show up either) and says tonight is about memories. Rock does FINALLY and the crowd boos, mainly because he’s not actually there. After telling Jericho what to do with his microphone, Rock talks about beating Angle in Pittsburgh and dubs Team Angle Team Suck Squad. As for Stephanie a cheap lady of the night, which she finds funny because she’s not allowed to give up anything. Goldust and Booker get praised but the fans start up the BORING chant. A few more thank yous and catchphrases finally wrap this up.
Well that didn’t work and can you really blame Rock for that? He’s not even there and the company decides that NEW YORK is going to be cool with a satellite feed? At this point the fans have figured out that this whole thing is a big waste of time and they’re treating it as such. At least the nominees were all fine here, which is a first tonight.
Moment #8: Shane McMahon buys WCW. You know, because that’s what fans wanted when the promotions finally started working together.
Michael Cole and Tazz present the Shut Up and Kiss Me Award for best on screen romantic couple. The nominees:
Mark Henry and Mae Young
Chyna and Eddie Guerrero
Lita and Matt Hardy
Mr. McMahon and William Regal
Stephanie McMahon and Triple H
Winners: Stephanie McMahon and Triple H. Well duh. They reunite on the stage with Stephanie listing off their history on TV. HHH offers a reenactment, only to drop his pants and bend over for a spank. Remember that this is one day after he was stripped to his underwear by Scott Steiner when he was supposed to be the biggest heel in the world.
Moment #7: Steve Austin attacks Vince in the hospital.
Gene Okerlund and Pat Patterson present Network Difficulties Award for most controversial moments. The nominees are:
Mae Young Gives Birth to a Hand
Steve Austin Stuns Santa Claus
HLA
Pillman’s Got a Gun
Winner: Mae Young Gives Birth to a Hand. Mae accepts and is rushed off the stage.
This would be another award given out because someone is actually there as Pillman’s Got a Gun was about as far as they’ve ever pushed anything and Young is one of the dumbest things they’ve ever done. Austin Stunning Santa was pretty tame and could have easily been replaced by Austin being crucified, but I’m assuming that’s another one we’re banning from memory.
Moment #6: D-Generation X parodies the Nation. Funny, but should be further down the list.
Brock Lesnar presents Superstar of the Decade and does a better job of speaking in such an open forum than you would expect. Here are the nominees:
Mick Foley
The Rock
Bret Hart
Triple H
Steve Austin
Undertaker
Winner: Steve Austin. And there’s no Austin as Vince comes out and says Austin wasn’t invited so he’ll accept on Steve’s behalf. While that would seem like a perfect way to have Austin show up, we just go to HHH to say how ridiculous that is and walk out.
Austin was the obvious winner, though if you’re talking about the entire decade, Undertaker is the only one to have been around even close to the whole time.
Moment #5: Steve Austin vs. Mike Tyson. I’m really worried about the four moments they’re putting above that because it could be a mess.
Match of the Decade has no presenter for some reason so here are the nominees:
TLC 2002
Triple H vs. Cactus Jack – Falls Count Anywhere
Jeff Hardy vs. Undertaker – Ladder Match
Steve Austin vs. Kane
Winner: TLC 2002. Most of the people involved accept the award and thank the TLC performers who came before them.
Out of everything else on the show, this is easily the biggest nonsense. Just look at the nominees. Here’s an actually reasonable list of choices for this:
Shawn Michaels vs. Marty Jannetty – May 17, 1993
Triple H vs. Cactus Jack – Falls Count Anywhere – September 4, 1997
British Bulldog vs. Owen Hart – March 3, 1997
Chris Benoit/Chris Jericho vs. Two Man Power Trip – May 21, 2001
Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy – Ladder Match – May 27, 2002
Bret Hart vs. 1-2-3 Kid – July 11, 1994
And probably about ten more before we get to some of the nominees they listed here. This really feels like an award they put about thirty seconds of effort into and that’s not good. When the two recent matches both involve ladders (and aren’t even the only two ladder matches from Raw 2002), there’s something rather wrong with the nominees and the people who nominated them.
Moment #4: DX Invades Nitro. Now this is an interesting one as I think its importance has been rather overblown. Raw had already won a night in the ratings war so it’s not like it sent the show over the top. Also, while DX was hot at this point, it was the Steve Austin Show at this point with everyone else miles behind him. Finally, it’s not like anything really happened. It was an amazing setup but at the end of the day, they just shows a door closing and DX on what they called a tank. But it has Triple H involved so it’s instantly a big deal. Cool moment, but not as important as it’s made out to be.
Moment #3: Rock Challenges Hulk Hogan for Wrestlemania XVIII. No issues here.
Moment #2: Raw is Owen. They’re adding a moment about someone passing away to the same list as a DX parody of the Nation on a show where they make fat jokes about Bertha Faye. I’ll be moving on now.
Edge presents the #1 moment. After a speech about how awesome Raw is, it’s Austin Driving the Beer Truck. Well of course. What better way to end the night than by reminding the fans once again that Austin isn’t here? This isn’t even the biggest Austin moment as the Austin vs. Tyson showdown was a big part of what made Austin the star that he would become. The beer truck belongs on the list but not at #1, no matter how you look at it.
Everyone comes onto the stage to end the show.
Overall Rating: E. For E. Coli, a sickness you get from something being too Raw. This was a terrible show with a bunch of stuff designed to basically flip the fans off by saying none of the top stars were there (Rock, Austin and Foley were all missing live) and the awards were little more than a joke. I know the top ten was voted on by fans but this was either rigged or the fans are a lot dumber than I thought. Really, calling the beer truck the best moment of all time? How is that possible?
This show was absolutely terrible as they didn’t bother trying to hide what they were doing here. It felt like they put this together in all of five minutes and if the fans hated it, whatever. Instead of a celebration of the ten years of Raw, it felt like a way to hype up the Rumble and pay lip service to the show at the same time. When Raw has TESTICLES and Smackdown has Al Wilson, what else is there to take away all the focus from all the creative staff? Terrible show here and a major insult to the fans and wrestlers, which unfortunately isn’t a big surprise.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
NXT Date: June 14, 2017
Location: Full Sail University, Winter Park, Florida
Commentators: Nigel McGuinness, Tom Phillips, Percy Watson
It’s title week on NXT as Asuka is defending the Women’s Title against Ruby Riot and Nikki Cross in an elimination match. This still feels like a way to set up the returning Ember Moon as a title challenger, which should make for one heck of a challenge to the title. Other than that we’re likely to get some more development towards Bobby Roode vs. Roderick Strong. Let’s get to it.
We get a quick recap of the original triple threat in Chicago with Asuka retaining.
Opening sequence.
Drew McIntyre vs. Rob Ryzin
Drew throws him around to start and grabs a quick belly to belly. A superkick gives Ryzin a quick one count but a suplex toss cuts Rob off again. Drew unloads in the corner and shoves Ryzin from the top to the floor. Back in and the running boot to the face is good for the pin on Ryzin at 3:26.
Rating: C. This is the kind of match that makes McIntyre look like something special. He’s already bigger and stronger than most members of the roster and this kind of dominance really showcases his physical advantages. I’d be surprised if he wasn’t in the title picture by the end of the year, if not the end of the summer for that matter.
We look back at Ember Moon being medically cleared and scaring Peyton Royce and Billie Kay.
Moon vs. Royce next week.
Video on Aleister Black.
Authors of Pain vs. Dominguez/???
Non-title. Akum kicks Dominguez in the face as Paul Ellering has Rezar on the floor while writing something down. Something like a Death Valley Driver ends Dominguez at 55 seconds.
The jobbers take a Super Collider after the match. Ellering calls Heavy Machinery as foolish as they are large. They’ve been here for a year and have defeated every team thrown against them. It’s time to write the first chapter in their book of dominance and Heavy Machinery won’t even be a footnote. Heavy Machinery comes out for the showdown but the champs back off.
We look back at Roode and Strong’s showdown from last week.
Video on Sonya Deville.
Velveteen Dream vs. Raul Mendoza
Mendoza was in the Cruiserweight Classic. Dream shoulders him down to start but Mendoza nips up to offer a bit of a scare. An attempt to speed things up earns Mendoza a kick to the face and it’s time to make fun of Percy for not being able to tell that Dream’s tights are purple. Mendoza flips out of a suplex and kicks away, only to miss a charge in the corner. Something like a cartwheel Death Valley Driver sets up the top rope elbow to put Raul away at 3:40.
Rating: D+. That elbow drop still looks great. Dream might have a goofy gimmick but he has a good look and can fly through the air well enough that he looks impressive. I’m not sure how far this kind of a character can take him but he’s done well with it so far, albeit in a rather low dosage so far. Mendoza looked good too and will be fine with some more experience and exposure.
We look back at Kassius Ohno saving Oney Lorcan from Hideo Itami.
Ohno doesn’t like what he did last week but Itami needs to get over it. Next week, Ohno faces Aleister Black.
Video on Ember Moon.
Women’s Title: Asuka vs. Nikki Cross vs. Ruby Riot
Asuka is defending and this is under elimination rules. The champ is sent outside to start so Nikki dropkicks Riot down, only to have Asuka come back in with one of her own. Asuka gets knocked outside again, which doesn’t make the most sense considering she has to be eliminated either way. Ruby sends Asuka face first into the middle buckle for a running knee as we take an early break.
Back with Riot elbowing Asuka in the face but eating a hip attack for her efforts. Nikki comes back in and gets dropped as well, only to have Riot catch Asuka’s running kick (nice callback to Chicago). Cross pulls Asuka outside and pounds away until Ruby takes them both out with a dive. Asuka misses a missile dropkick and takes Nikki’s fisherman’s neckbreaker but wisely rolls outside. Ruby tries a save but gets caught in a hanging neckbreaker for the elimination at 10:05.
Back from another break with Cross firing off the forearms until Asuka hits a spinning backfist. Cross gets smart by going to the eyes but can’t hit a neckbreaker out of the corner. Instead they fight to the floor with Nikki still in control as Asuka is in over her head for a change. They fight to the back….and that means a no contest at 15:04.
Rating: B-. It was going really well until that pretty dumb finish. If anything goes, why in the world is it a be a no contest when they fight outside even more? This felt like a cheap way out to protect both of them, which makes me wonder why they made it an elimination match in the first place. I’m assuming we’ll have Ember vs. Nikki for the next shot so maybe this was just a way to extend the story.
The announcers talk for a bit until we cut to the back where the fight continues. Asuka gets sent into a wall but drives Cross’ head into the wall to get us back to even. They head over to a cooler full of ice and water with Asuka’s head being soaked. Back to the arena with the fight heading to the announcers’ desk and then the tech area. Cross keeps getting the better of it but Asuka forearms her a few times. A crossbody takes Asuka off a barricade and through a table for the big crash. Both women are down to end the show.
Overall Rating: C. This was something closer to a placeholder show with a big main event. One of the better things about NXT though is they’re capable of having an interesting show without their bigger stars around. It might not have been a classic or anything but it was more than capable of holding the fort until we get back to the top stories. In other words, it pays to develop more than two or three acts on a huge roster.
Results
Drew McIntyre b. Rob Ryzin – Running boot to the face
Authors of Pain b. Dominguez/??? – Death Valley Driver to Dominguez
Velveteen Dream b. Raul Mendoza – Top rope elbow
Asuka vs. Ruby Riot vs. Nikki Cross went to a no contest when Cross and Asuka fought backstage
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Monday Night Raw – January 13, 2003 (2017 Redo): This Was So Bad I Can’t Be Sarcastic About It
Monday Night Raw Date: January 13, 2003
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home Raw before Sunday’s Royal Rumble and hopefully we actually hear a few more names for the Rumble itself. However, we’re lucky enough to get more of HHH vs. Scott Steiner without having them actually doing anything physical. Throw in more of Bischoff as McMahon and the show could manage to set new standards for horrible. Above all else though, Vince McMahon is here tonight and that makes for some drama. Let’s get to it.
Eric Bischoff and Chief Morely are in the back waiting for Vince. Earl Hebner comes up to complain about referee treatment and says the word strike has been mentioned. The Chief goes off to deal with that when Steiner comes up behind Bischoff. Scott wants to fight HHH tonight but Bischoff sets up a bench press contest instead. You can imagine how Steiner reacts.
Opening sequence.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jacqueline
Victoria is defending and this is a hardcore match. You know, that thing that they banned from Raw last year until they forgot about it a week later. There are trashcans full of weapons at the corners, including a cardboard cutout of Trish. Victoria spends too much time ripping the thing up so Jackie beats on her, only to botch a headscissors. Instead of flipping over, Victoria fell backwards, making it look closer to a spinning crossbody rather than a headscissors. Much like last week, this isn’t thrilling me with confidence for 2003.
Steven Richards low bridges Jackie to the floor, accidentally allowing Trish to fire off some kendo stick shots. A few swings of a trashcan lid put Trish down but she avoids a moonsault. Jackie gets some ice cold near falls but gets pulled to the floor and send into the barricade. Victoria sends Trish face first into the ropes where Richards…..grazes her shoulder with the lid to give Victoria the pin. This was down there with the Jackie Gayda vs. Trish portions of that mixed tag as they managed to blow almost every big spot of a match that didn’t even last two and a half minutes.
Trish and Jackie beat up the villains for a bit until Steven takes them both out. The Hurricane of all people makes the save.
The Dudleys yell at Bischoff and beat up Morely. Eric fires them so Bubba threatens to go to Smackdown. Hang on a sec then as Bischoff rescinds the firing and suspends them instead.
Maven/Test vs. Christopher Nowinski/D’Lo Brown
Thankfully Brown is back to his normal look. Let that sink in for a second: the Testicles joke can survive for months but that stupid gimmick didn’t even make it three weeks. Test gets clotheslined down to start and we’re in an early double teaming. The comeback takes even less time and Maven comes in for a double elbow to Nowinski’s jaw. Brown gets in a Stunner over the top rope and Nowinski adds a sloppy spinebuster.
The bad guys take turns beating on Maven with Nowinski showing off that Tough Enough style offense. Brown hits a hard clothesline as this is still going for no apparent reason. We hit an armbar for a bit until Maven gets over to Test for the house cleaning. The Test Drive drops Nowinski but Test’s big boot (Test: “BOOT!”) misses. Brown hits the Sky High on Maven but that’s not the legal man so there’s no count. A Stacy distraction lets Test get in the big boot for the pin.
Rating: D-. It’s not that the match was bad but sweet pickles on popsicle sticks it was dull. Maven and Nowinski are glorified jobbers and because of some reality show, we’re stuck watching them almost every week. Nowinski is further along with the Harvard stuff but that’s not exactly saying much.
Bischoff goes up to a limousine but finds Gene Okerlund, who is in town for Raw X. Insults are exchanged and Gene says if Bischoff was smarter, we’d be having a Nitro reunion. I believe he’s going for “Nitro would still be around” but who am I to doubt Mean Gene? The limo takes Gene away and Chris Jericho comes in, begging to be #1 in the Royal Rumble. Eric says go win the over the top rope challenge and they’ll talk.
F-View (That’s still a thing?) shows William Regal insulting Lawler’s book before their match tonight. Regal tells Lance Storm that he has the brass knuckles ready. Did this really need to be on a hidden camera?
Jerry Lawler vs. William Regal
Storm comes out with Regal and Lawler isn’t happy. Before get get going, Regal reads a section of his book about Lawler’s sex life. Three referees come out to check Regal and find his knuckles. Storm gets checked as well, despite not being in the match. Storm has knuckles as well (brass ones, not the ones on his hand) and gets ejected. During the melee, Lawler pulls out a chain to knock Regal cold, only to get caught and disqualified. Keep in mind that Regal and Storm won the Tag Team Titles last week because they NEEDED the belts for this bit you see. I have no idea why but they certainly needed them.
Lawler says he’s still the king.
Raven vs. Jeff Hardy
The winner gets to be the final Raw Royal Rumble entrant. Who are the other fourteen? Well that’s not important at the moment. What is important is Raven having a huge haircut and trunks instead of his usual gear. Jeff grabs some early rollups for two each before they both fall out to the floor.
Raven wraps the knee around the post though and Jeff is in fast trouble. That lasts all of ten seconds before Jeff sends him into the corner, only to miss a moonsault. We hit a spinning toehold for a bit before Jeff goes with the usual for the comeback. The Raven Effect is broken up and a Swanton to the thighs is enough to give Jeff the pin.
Rating: C-. They were working harder than you would expect out there but the idea of Hardy vs. Raven for a spot in the Rumble isn’t exactly the highest level of drama. I don’t remember the last time Raven had a match on Raw while Jeff at least still has some star power, which always helps.
Vince arrives, doesn’t say much to Bischoff, and slaps Orton’s 94% shoulder. He slaps the shoulder though and Orton cringes in a good bit.
Sean O’Haire vignette, talking about how you should have an affair.
Here’s Vince for his big announcement but cue the Dudleys before he can say anything. They get straight to the point and ask for the suspension to be overturned and Vince says okey dokey. Oh and they can have a title shot on Sunday. Again: Booker T. and Goldust continue to look like nothing despite being one of the most popular teams in recent memory.
Bubba and D-Von leave but here’s Jericho to interrupt. Chris sucks up a bit before asking if he can be #1 in the Rumble. Vince tells him to shut up and says the winner of tonight’s over the top rope challenge gets to pick any number in the Rumble, save for #1 which Shawn Michaels has already taken. As usual, WWE seems to think that #1 is better than #2 for reasons likely used to praise Shawn’s 1995 performance even more. With Jericho gone, Vince gets cut off AGAIN, this time by Bischoff.
Vince almost immediately tells him to shut up because he’s here to make an announcement for the anniversary special. However, it’s time for a public job evaluation. While the people don’t think Bischoff is doing well, Vince thinks Eric is doing quite well. After praising him, Vince goes into a long explanation for how Eric hasn’t done anything he was hired for. Therefore, Eric has thirty days to turn Raw around or he’s fired. In other words, Raw sucks and needs to change but it might be another month.
Post break Vince is leaving with Eric groveling. Vince already has a replacement in mind though and here’s Shane to stare Bischoff down.
Booker T. vs. Lance Storm
Booker headlocks him to start and hits a hard clothesline, followed by a knee drop for two. The spinning sunset flip out of the corner is broken up but Storm can’t get in the Sharpshooter. They trade a few shots until Storm grabs a backbreaker and slaps on a chinlock. Booker fights up and hits a few chops before the referee gets bumped. Regal and Goldust get in a fight on the floor as the Dudleys run in for the DQ.
Rating: D+. This was a perfectly acceptable match until that ridiculous finish. There was no mention of Booker and Goldust getting their rematch and it really does seem that their time as contenders to the titles is over. The Dudleys were shoved into this spot for no apparent reason, especially when Goldust and Booker have issues with Bischoff dating back to their feud with 3 Minute Warning.
A bunch of big Smackdown names (Edge, Lesnar, Angle) are at The World.
Hurricane vs. Steven Richards
Trish is with Hurricane. Richards goes right for him to start but the StevieDT is countered with a suplex. The women get in a fight and the Eye of the Hurricane ends Richards at less than ninety seconds.
Trish and Hurricane clean house after the match.
Nathan Jones video.
Pay per view rundown, which does include fifteen Raw names. Now other than Shawn Michaels, the biggest name is Chris Jericho and it falls off a cliff from there, but there are fifteen.
It’s time for the bench press challenge with Steiner coming out first. He’s tired of these games because he’s beaten HHH at every challenge so far. Scott wants 585lbs to start and after a break but before the first lift, here’s HHH in a suit. Instead of stopping at the bench press, HHH goes to the ring to talk about how he’s the best wrestler in the world and none of this other stuff matters. Again, STOP TELLING US THAT WE’VE BEEN WASTING OUR TIME WATCHING YOUR SHOW!
HHH lists off all the names he’s destroyed and promises to make an example of Steiner, just like he has with everyone else. Steiner comes to the ring and the fight is on with Scott getting the better of it and ripping HHH’s suit off. This leaves HHH in….eh about the same look he regularly wrestles in. I’m assuming this is a takeoff of the Ricky Steamboat vs. Ric Flair angle, which of course lead to a masterpiece. Something (common sense perhaps) tells me that won’t be the case here.
Rob Van Dam vs. Kane vs. Batista vs. Chris Jericho
Over the top rope challenge (four man battle royal) and the winner can pick any number, save for #1, in the Rumble. JR gets his history wrong by saying Shawn won the Royal Rumble in 1995 and went on to win the main event of Wrestlemania that year. It’s a brawl to start (as it should be) with Jericho saving Batista for no apparent reason.
Van Dam goes shoulder first into the post as the power guys brawl on the other side. There’s not much going on here as they’re barely trying for eliminations and are just beating each other up. Jericho dives at Kane, who can’t catch him, but does pick him up a few seconds later.
Rob is finally sent to the apron, only to come back in with a top rope boot to the face. Rolling Thunder connects on Jericho and Batista shoulders Kane down. Jericho saves Batista from a chokeslam and Kane is clotheslined to the floor. The Batista Bomb plants Jericho but Rob kicks Batista out. Ever the brilliant one, Rob goes up but Batista crotches him, allowing Jericho to get the win.
Rating: F. So we had botches in a bad match that had no heat. This is what they decided to use to close the show and somehow that’s the better way to wrap it up instead of the HHH vs. Steiner nonsense. The match was little more than a long segment as the wrestlers weren’t even trying for eliminations most of the time. Terrible match.
Jericho picks the #2 spot so here’s Shawn to throw him over the top to end the show.
Overall Rating: D-. That’s one of the worst go home shows I’ve seen them put together in a very long time. There wasn’t a good match, the angles that they’re advancing had almost nothing to do with the Royal Rumble (the Women’s Title isn’t on the line, Hurricane isn’t even in the Rumble and Lawler is Lawler) and the big story is about two guys not wrestling, mainly out of fear for how bad it could be. This is really their big way to start not only the year but build to the Royal Rumble? It’s going to be a very long 2003.
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Smackdown Date: June 13, 2017
Location: Smoothie King Center, New Orleans, Louisiana
Commentators: Tom Phillips, John Bradshaw Layfield, Byron Saxton
It’s the go home show for Money in the Bank and instead of having a bunch of matches to set up the ladder match, let’s just have one match to set it up! This week it’s a six man tag as the participants try to build momentum, all while having JBL say that none of this actually matters as we head towards the pay per view. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
New Day/Breezango vs. Colons/Usos
For those of you counting, this would be fourteen wrestlers in two matches. New Day is played to the ring by a live band for the sake of some New Orleans spirit. Before the match, Woods brags about potentially being cast in a very off Broadway version of Straight Out of Compton. This brings out the Usos to say they’re retaining the titles, only to have Breezango interrupt. They have a different view of the Usos: their day one wasn’t H but rather G, for GROSS. The Colons come out as well to say they have a break in the case. Big E.: “Now hold on sucker!” Threats of violence take us to the first break.
Fandango and Jey start things off but it’s off to Kofi vs. Epico with no offense. The good guys work on Epico’s arm with armdrags and elbows to the arm. A legdrop gives Fandango two but Breeze gets taken into the corner for the beatdown. That lasts all of five seconds before it’s off to Woods, who drops Breeze onto Primo for two. The Honor Roll drops Primo and everything breaks down with the good guys cleaning house to send us to a rather unnecessary break.
Back with Breeze in trouble and Jimmy hitting a running Umaga Attack in the corner. Breeze gets in a kick to the face but Epico dives over for the save. Fandango gets knocked off the apron and Breeze stays in trouble. Some superkicks finally get him out of trouble, followed by a clothesline that makes Epico DDT Primo by mistake (still perhaps the dumbest spot in all of wrestling). The hot tag brings in Woods and then Kofi to clean house as everything breaks down again. Something like a Demolition Decapitator with a stomp instead of an elbow puts Primo away at 14:27.
Rating: D+. This was much more long than good as they were clearly filling in time because they don’t have enough to fill in two hours, mainly thanks to having fourteen people in two matches. That being said, at least this actually had something to do with building momentum as a pinfall here does keep you rolling towards Sunday. I’m assuming Breezango vs. Colons could be added to the Kickoff Show at some point.
Sami Zayn is way too enthusiastic about the upcoming six man tag and talks strategy with AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura. AJ seems a bit disturbed by Sami’s energy. Nakamura: “I like him.” Styles: “You would.”
Mojo Rawley is disappointed in his loss last week and praises Jinder Mahal. Zack Ryder makes his return to encourage his buddy.
Naomi vs. Tamina
Non-title and Lana comes out to watch. Tamina takes her into the corner to start and we’re already into the neck crank. Naomi gets her head crushed in the corner and her kicks are cut off by a shove down. One heck of a clothesline gives Tamina two and it’s back to the chinlock. Naomi fights up with some kicks but walks into a spinning Rock Bottom for two. Tamina heads up top but gets slammed down, setting up the split legged moonsault for the pin at 5:08.
Rating: D. The more I watch her, the more I think Tamina has no real reason to be around. She’s not imposing, she doesn’t have anything all that special in the ring and she doesn’t really have a character. She’s a warm body who can fill in a spot and I’d much rather have them develop someone interesting than leave her in there for such uninteresting matches.
Lana jumps Naomi after the match and gives her a sitout spinebuster.
Here’s Jinder Mahal for the big showdown with Randy Orton. After the long entrance, Mahal calls Orton a coward and says this is his era. Orton’s music hits and he comes through the crowd for an RKO. This feud continues to feel like nothing because Mahal feels like nothing, though his delivery has gotten better. He feels like he’s doing all the right things but that doesn’t make up for him having no background.
Owens, Corbin and Ziggler don’t trust each other but they’ll work together.
Randy Orton promises to win the title back.
Charlotte vs. Natalya
Feeling out process to start as we see Becky Lynch watching in the back. We come back from a very early break with Charlotte being thrown shoulder first into the post. It doesn’t seem to do much though as she comes back with something like an exploder suplex, followed by a moonsault which actually connects. Charlotte heads up again but gets powerbombed down for two. A small package gives Natalya the same but it’s Natural Selection to give Charlotte the pin at 7:16.
Rating: C-. The moonsault and powerbomb looked good but if I have to hear them talking about building momentum one more time, I think my head is going to explode. It’s another good example of the one idea that they have going into a show and if you don’t like it, get over it because that’s what WWE has decided is the best thing they can do.
It’s Fashion Files time. Fandango is admiring his pecs and can’t wait to show them off to Breeze. We cut to an unconscious Breeze as the office seems to have been wrecked again. Breeze was attacked by two greasy haired men with one arm. Breeze: “No, two arms!” Fandango draws some stick figures and Tyler says that’s them.
Video on a WWE fan who has survived liver disease.
Lana doesn’t care what people think about her because she can beat Naomi.
Kevin Owens/Dolph Ziggler/Baron Corbin vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/Sami Zayn/AJ Styles
Non-title of course but MOMENTUM is on the line. Joined in progress with Ziggler being thrown to the ground, only to blast Nakamura with a dropkick. It’s off to Owens with forearms to the back and the heels take turns hammering away. We hit the chinlock for a bit until the hot tag brings in Sami as everything beaks down. Sami hits the flip dive onto Owens but Ziggler DDTs Styles to slow things down again.
We take a break and come back with Sami fighting up and getting clotheslined right back down. Owens’ backsplash hits knees but Corbin headbutts Sami in the chest to keep him in the wrong corner. Sami kicks Corbin in the face and dodges the other two before low bridging Corbin to the floor. Ziggler and Owens pull the partners to the floor though and there’s still no hot tag. A Helluva Kick out of nowhere puts Corbin away at 12:48.
Rating: C. Just a long six man here with the six people doing things to set up Sunday’s ladder match. Sami getting a pin on Corbin makes me more sure that Corbin is going to be the one winning the ladder match because if there’s one thing WWE loves to do, it’s put people down before giving them the big win, thinking it makes up for all the losses. The match was perfectly fine and above all else, Owens didn’t take yet another pin for a change.
Post match Owens brings in the ladder and the brawl breaks out. Corbin gets the better of it until Nakamura gets in a shot. Shinsuke takes everyone else down and climbs up to pull down the briefcase to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. This was the show that I was dreading and it’s not all that surprising. They went with the “throw everyone together and call it developing the big match” formula here, which isn’t interesting and does nothing for the pay per view. At least it’s done now though, save for the following week when we do the exact same matches and call it fallout. I’m still interested in Sunday’s show, but only because of the ladders instead of the feuds and stories. That’s not good, and shows how ineffective the build to this show has been.
Results
New Day/Breezango b. Usos/Colons – Middle rope double stomp to Primo
Naomi b. Tamina – Split legged moonsault
Charlotte b. Natalya – Natural Selection
Sami Zayn/AJ Styles/Shinsuke Nakamura b. Baron Corbin/Dolph Ziggler/Kevin Owens – Helluva Kick to Corbin
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the Histories of Saturday Night’s Main Event and Clash of the Champions, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here: