Smackdown Date: March 21, 2017
Location: Mohegan Sun Arena, Uncasville, Connecticut
Commentators: John Bradshaw Layfield, David Otunga, Tom Phillips
We’ve got two shows left before Wrestlemania XXXIII and it’s not likely that any brand new ideas are going to be added to the card. Odds are we’ll have Dean Ambrose vs. Baron Corbin confirmed and we’re guaranteed to see American Alpha defending the Smackdown Tag Team Titles against the Usos. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles from last week, including Daniel Bryan firing AJ.
Bryan is in his office when AJ comes in. Shane isn’t here tonight but Bryan warns AJ to watch his steps. Styles says tonight, everyone is going to find out what it means to beat up Shane McMahon.
Mauro Ranallo is out sick this week. This is starting to get a bit suspicious.
Here’s AJ to the ring for a chat. It’s been seven days since he did what he did to Shane and he doesn’t feel a bit wrong about his actions. Shane’s challenge is accepted because AJ wants to be part of Wrestlemania but the question is why would Shane want to face him at Wrestlemania. As for tonight, he’s going to be waiting for Shane to arrive again and we’ll see if it’s even worse than last week.
Baron Corbin asks Bryan if Dean Ambrose has accepted his Wrestlemania challenge. Bryan hasn’t heard from Ambrose in weeks so tonight, Corbin can face Randy Orton.
Tag Team Titles: American Alpha vs. Usos
Alpha is defending after the Usos beat them last week. Jordan takes Jimmy down to the mat to start and the twins are in early trouble. A double clothesline sends both Usos outside and it’s all champions as we take a break. Back with Gable fighting out of a chinlock but getting sent chest first into the buckle ala Bret Hart.
Chad breaks away but gets sent to the floor instead making the tag. That’s good for a nine count before Gable is put in the Tree of Woe. Of course he powers up to avoid a charge and the hot tag brings in Jordan. An Angle Slam (they’re just trolling us now) gets two on Jey but Jimmy escapes the Steiner Bulldog.
Back to back superkicks puts both champs down and the Superfly Splash is good for a very near fall. Jordan breaks up another splash and Jey is superplexed down. The Steiner Bulldog is only good for two as Jimmy makes the save. I completely bought that as the finish. With the other three down on the floor, Gable moonsaults down onto everyone. Back in and Jordan gets crotched on the middle rope, allowing Jimmy to superkick him down for the pin and the titles at 12:32.
Rating: B+. This was great stuff with some really strong false finishes. They also really surprised me as I didn’t think the Usos had a chance after the Superfly Splash was only good for two. It’s not like American Alpha has done anything with the titles (not their fault) so maybe changing the belts can give them a shot in the arm for all of a few days. I just hope they don’t put the rematch on Wrestlemania because the card just does not have room for it.
AJ is waiting in the parking lot.
Luke Harper wants Bray Wyatt next week.
Miz and Maryse have a special never before seen episode of Total Bellas. It’s Maryse as both Bellas (a really, really good look for her) and of course mocking everything the two of them do. Maryse as Nikki: “Of course I’m Nikki! I’M THE ONE WITH THE HAT!” Maryse as Brie: “BRIE MODE!” Cue Miz as John Cena, who has a bunch of rules like no singing. Since Nikki has followed a rule, he’ll pop a question to her, meaning he has a big balloon labeled “the question” which he pops.
Again, I have no idea why I’m supposed to boo Miz and Maryse. If you watch the show, which is supposed to be REALITY, this is exactly what Cena and the Bellas are like. Cena is a control freak who has a ridiculous set of rules and the Bellas are two of the dumbest people who have ever lived. Why am I supposed to cheer for them?
Baron Corbin vs. Randy Orton
Corbin shoulders him down to start but gets sent into the corner for some uppercuts and right hands. A hard whip into the post keeps Orton down though and it’s off to a break. Back with Corbin sliding underneath the ropes and back in for his clothesline. Orton grabs the powerslam (that’s always good looking) but can’t hit the elevated DDT.
Instead they go outside with Orton sending him into various metal objects like a good viper is supposed to do. Now the DDT hits but of course it’s too early for the first RKO, meaning Corbin gets two off Deep Six instead. They head outside again (happening too often) and Corbin goes into the steps. Back in again and here’s Ambrose for the distraction, setting up the RKO for the pin at 12:49.
Rating: C+. Pretty good stuff here as Corbin has the size to make his offense look good against someone like Orton. There was no doubt that Orton was going over here (save for a surprise by Wyatt) because there’s no reason to have him lose so close to his biggest match of the year.
Corbin vs. Ambrose for the title is official at Wrestlemania.
Orton is in the back talking about his match when the lights start to flicker. He tells Bray to show himself but here are an army of people in sheep masks to beat Orton down. Bray appears and seems to bless Orton with a red X on the end. Wyatt kneels in front of him and says Orton changed him by exposing his one weakness. The power of Sister Abigail lives inside him forever and it’s time to sing.
Breezango vs. John Cena
Tyler Breeze is dressed as Nikki Bella, which is far too common of a thing tonight. Before the match, Fandango gives Cena fashion tickets and introduces Breeze as his muscle. This brings out the real Nikki. The bell rings and Cena does his normal stuff but here’s Breeze to the apron. Nikki comes in to spear him down and hits the Rack Attack 2.0. Stereo STF’s give us simultaneous taps at 1:29. For a Southpaw Regional Wrestling related match, I’ve seen worse.
Carmella vs. Becky Lynch
Natalya is on commentary and comes in to hit Carmella for the DQ.
Post match Mickie James and Alexa Bliss come out for the big brawl with Bliss being the last woman standing.
Time for more Total Bellas with Miz (as Cena) reading his affections for Maryse (as Nikki) off cue cards and giving her a diamond…….Dallas Page yoga set. As we see the kitchen (the TV kitchen where the unseen servants prepare food off camera so we can feel relateable to the show you see), Miz gives her a WWE ring (“It’s to scale!”). Later, in the bedroom, which is TOTALLY where Cena sleeps, Miz agrees to tie the knot. On his shoes you see. Maryse is sad to end things. These are hilarious and makes me cheer for Miz and Maryse even more.
AJ is still waiting but is disappointed when Rhyno and Heath Slater arrive. With fifteen minutes left. Why is Shane even bothering to show up at this point?
Actually never mind as Shane is in the arena, which doesn’t please AJ. Back from a break with Shane, sporting one heck of a black eye, calling AJ out. We see Styles making the long walk to the ring and he takes his time going through the curtain. AJ wants to apologize but Shane beats on him anyway. Styles suplexes him into the barricade and loads up the announcers’ table, only to have Shane hit him in the head with a monitor. Shane goes up top for the big elbow…..which MIGHT have grazed AJ’s forearm. The fans call BS on it as Shane slowly gets up to end the show.
Overall Rating: C+. As is almost always the case this time of year, the wrestling wasn’t the point and if you think it was, you’re missing the point. This was all about setting up Wrestlemania (and cracking me up with the Total Bellas stuff) and they did so on a bunch of matches. The Shane elbow looked horrible but I don’t think anyone was expecting him to really be able to pull that off after last year’s performance. This show did its job, which is more important right now.
Results
Usos b. American Alpha – Superkick to Jordan
Randy Orton b. Baron Corbin – RKO
John Cena b. Fandango – STF
Carmella b. Becky Lynch via DQ when Natalya interfered
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Monday Night Raw – March 20, 2017: The Wrestlemania Reds (Because Smackdown is Blue)
Monday Night Raw Date: March 20, 2017
Location: Barclays Center, New York Center, New York
Commentators: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, Corey Graves
WE WANT PAIGE! Sorry just thought I’d get you used to those tonight as the New York crowd is going to let you know about it all night long. We’re less than two weeks away from Wrestlemania and there’s a good chance tonight is going to be all about the big push towards the show. Already announced tonight is Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman and Kevin Owens on the Highlight Reel. Let’s get to it.
We open with a long recap of the end of last week’s show with Mick Foley being told he had to fire someone and getting in a fight with HHH as a result. This led to Seth Rollins coming out and brawling with HHH as well until a crutch to the knee took Rollins down to end the show.
Here’s Mick Foley to get things going but he has to read a speech off some cards, thanking HHH and Stephanie for giving him his job. He talks about the end of last week’s show and how stupid it was. Foley says he’s taking a leave of absence but goes on a rant about how he was given these stupid cards ten minutes before the show started. He’s been in this business for thirty one years and this is how he’s treated. Foley: “I’M MICK FREAKING FOLEY!” The mic gets cut off and here’s Stephanie to a rousing chorus of boos.
Stephanie rips on Foley for not being able to do anything right and finally fires him. Cue Sami Zayn of all people to say that Foley has had more integrity in the last nine months than she’s had in her whole life. Sami rips on her but she laughs him off and says Sami isn’t worthy to speak to her at all, let alone like this. She tells him to get out of here but Sami says he’s going to stay here and do the right thing. Cue Samoa Joe (with Stephanie talking over his music) and we’ve got a match. Sami hits a big flip dive before a break or the bell.
Sami Zayn vs. Samoa Joe
Joined in progress with Sami firing off some forearms until a hard elbow to the face puts him down. Joe’s big kneedrop gets two and the powerslam gets the same as Corey sums up Joe in a single line: “Beating will continue until morality improves.” That’s an old Craig Pittman line (don’t bother looking it up) and one of my favorites ever. The Muscle Buster is broken up so Joe knocks him outside for the suicide elbow.
Back from a break with Sami caught in a bow and arrow and shaking his head rather hard. Sami gets up and hits one heck of a clothesline to sent Joe outside but Joe is right there to break up the suicide dive. Joe gets posted and the diving DDT through the ropes crushes Joe, only to have Sami comes up holding his arm. Back in and the Helluva Kick is countered into the Rock Bottom out of the corner. The Koquina Clutch ends Sami at 12:20.
Rating: B-. Good, hard hitting match here and more entertaining than their pay per view match at Fastlane. Joe is being treated like a killer and is already as effective as he was down in NXT. I had a fun time with this one as Sami is one of the best ever at taking a stiff beating, especially from someone as good as Joe.
We look back at Braun Strowman attacking Roman Reigns at the Royal Rumble.
Post break Foley is talking to Sami, who thanks him for everything and says it’s a rare instance where it’s ok to meet his hero. Sheamus and Cesaro thank Foley for believing him in them and hugs abound. Speaking of hugs, Foley runs into Bayley for another hug but turns around to see HHH, who tells him to have a nice day. Foley leaves, without his luggage for some reason.
We look back at Rollins vs. HHH from last week.
Video of Rollins’ rehab.
We get a talk with a doctor, who says Seth’s knee has been re-aggravated and only the brace saved it from being horrible. It’s going to be several MONTHS before Rollins is ready to compete but there’s a big reason to believe he’ll be at Wrestlemania anyway. No doctor will clear him in time.
Charlotte vs. Dana Brooke
Fallout from Charlotte turning on Dana last week. Dana waistlocks her to the mat and hammers away in the corner, sending Charlotte out to the floor for a breather. Back in and Dana gets two off a clothesline followed by an elbow drop. Charlotte looks stunned as a WE WANT PAIGE (to the NEW DAY ROCKS beat) starts up. A quick big boot takes Dana’s head off for the pin at 3:40. That was Charlotte’s only major offensive move.
Rating: C-. This was a way to push Dana a bit and it worked to a certain degree. The roster could always use some fresh blood so pushing Dana is a good idea and I can see why they didn’t put her over Charlotte in her first match. Not bad though. The ending was really sudden though and it hurt things a lot.
Bayley questions Stephanie’s actions so she makes Nia Jax vs. Bayley for later tonight. If Nia wins, the Women’s Title match at Wrestlemania is a fatal four way. We’ll throw in a bonus by making it No DQ.
Here’s Jericho for the Highlight Reel. Jericho wants to talk about the REAL Kevin Owens but first has to acknowledge the Friends of Jericho, who he’d like to “CHEER ME ON MAN!” Chris gets back to the point and shows us a picture of Owens at 16 years old in a Y2J shirt, doing a Jericho pose.
That looks like a fan of Jericho and “he was marking out man!”. Then he was signed to WWE in 2014 and actually sent Jericho a DM on Twitter (which we see) where he asked if Jericho had any advice. At the end, Owens said he’d be there if Jericho needed anything. That brings us to Fastlane, where Owens was terrified when Jericho came out.
See, the truth is that Jericho isn’t Owens’ friend because he’s Owens’ idol. At Wrestlemania, Owens is facing his hero and idol, the best in the world, the Ayatollah, Chris Jericho man! Do you know what happen when you stab Chris Jericho in the back? Cue Samoa Joe for a distraction so Owens can jump Jericho from behind. Owens gives him the Pop Up Powerbomb and RIPS UP THE LIST!
We look at Strowman and Reigns’ contract signing from last month.
TJ Perkins vs. Brian Kendrick
Perkins sends him outside for the slingshot dropkick, followed by a high crossbody for two. Not that it matters as Perkins gets caught in Sliced Bread #2 for the pin at 1:25.
Post match Kendrick talks about Akira Tozawa not being in the country and pulls out Tozawa’s passport. So how did he leave the country?
Roman Reigns says this is his yard.
Long video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar, focusing on Goldberg’s rise and their Wrestlemania XX match.
Stephanie makes Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo/Big Cass/Gallows/Anderson. If Sheamus and Cesaro lose, they’re out of the triple threat.
Nia Jax vs. Bayley
Non-title and No DQ. Bayley goes right after her to start but gets knocked outside with Nia throwing her around like she’s not even there. The running hip attack hits the steps though and we take a break. Back with Nia holding a chinlock before dropping some big elbows. With that not going anywhere, Nia takes her outside and swings Bayley into the barricade a few times. It’s chair time but Bayley baseball slides it into her face. The fans are doing the Wave and chanting for Sasha as Bayley gets in a high crossbody for two. Now it’s off to the CM Punk chants as the Samoan drop ends Bayley at 10:10.
Rating: D. “We put Bayley in backstage segments with Bayley. If she can’t overcome all these losses and times where she’s treated like nothing, that’s just her fault.” That’s pretty clearly the mentality around here because WWE has no idea what made Bayley work in NXT and thinks she can be treated like anyone else. BUT DID I MENTION SHE’S BEEN IN SEGMENTS WITH STEPHANIE??? Oh and there was no reason for this to be No DQ. Bayley could have hit a regular baseball slide and it would change nothing.
Women’s History Month video on Mae Young.
Here’s an in-ring sitdown interview with HHH. The boss talks over the CM Punk chants and explains how people like Mick Foley started listening to the fans, just like Seth Rollins. HHH talks about the end of last week’s show and we see it again (third time tonight). HHH: “That’s on you!” He finds it funny that the crutch had to use a crutch to come to the ring last week and it was the crutch that cost him in the end. He’s done with Rollins because Seth won’t be able to fight at Wrestlemania.
HHH has pulled some tickets for Rollins and hands them to Cole before going to leave. Not so fast though as HHH thinks we might need to get this over with once and for all. Everyone wants to see this fight so he’ll draw up a release saying Seth can’t sue HHH for ending his career. If Rollins is the man he thinks he is, he’ll show up next week and sign the paperwork so they can have the match.
Clip of Reigns beating Strowman at Fastlane.
Cesaro/Sheamus vs. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows
Enzo and Cass do their thing before the match and get in a fight with Anderson and Gallows. The distraction sets up a Brogue Kick on Gallows for the pin at 36 seconds.
Enzo and Cass beat up the champs again post match.
New Day is in the back and Big E. asks if Woods has anything to tell him about. That would be Wrestlemania actually as the trio talks about the bigger matches. Big E. is really, really excited for Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. They even act out a little bit of the buildup.
Austin Aries vs. Tony Nese
Aries claps his hands around Nese’s ears to start but gets forearmed in the face as we take an early break. Back with Nese holding him in a torture rack but missing a springboard moonsault. Aries comes back with a suplex and the very popular Pendulum Elbow. A missile dropkick sets up the discus five-arm (dang it Terry Taylor) for the pin at 7:55.
Rating: C-. This was just a way to show you that Aries is indeed awesome and ready to face Neville at Wrestlemania. I can go for Aries getting a good push before his title match as he needs to get back in ring shape. Aries is already better than most of the division so a few wins like this are a good idea.
Post match Neville comes out and Aries is more than ready to go. Neville says he’s not wasting his time going to the ring because Aries is beneath him. Aries sees a man who knows he has to face the greatest man who ever lived. Over the next thirteen days, Neville needs to enjoy the title while it lasts because it’s time for the title to go to the A-Double Level.
Emma is coming soon.
Video on Goldberg vs. Lesnar over the last few months.
Strowman says he’s going to destroy Reigns.
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
Reigns starts fast and knocks Strowman to the floor but the apron dropkick is broken up with one heck of a clothesline. Back in and a hard whip sends Reigns into the buckle before we hit a very big chinlock. Reigns fights up with some clotheslines before avoiding a charge in the corner.
That means more clotheslines but he has to escape a chokeslam. The Samoan drop (with some effort) gets two and the apron dropkick makes things even worse for Braun. Not that it matters as Reigns is whipped hard into the steps, which are then thrown into the ring. Roman Superman Punches them out of his hand though and escapes the powerslam. Another Superman Punch drops Braun and Reigns loads the spear, only to have Undertaker appear in the ring. Undertaker actually chokeslams Strowman, winces a lot and turns around for the spear. We’ll say the match is a no contest at about 9:00.
Rating: C-. These two work well together and I’m glad there’s no finish as Reigns pinning Strowman didn’t need to happen again (nor did it really need to happen in the first place but that’s a different story). Reigns vs. Undertaker will be fine, assuming Undertaker can keep going physically.
Reigns leaves and Undertaker sits up about thirty seconds later, which Graves says should shake Reigns’ confidence.
Overall Rating: D. Yeah this wasn’t much, especially due to the lack of wrestling. I mean, it’s no surprise that it’s happening as we’re two weeks away from Wrestlemania and the card is mostly set in stone but it doesn’t make this the easiest show in the world to sit through. I’m not interested in the Stephanie story (though I rarely am) but she mostly disappeared in the second half of the show. This wasn’t a great week but it was almost exactly what I was expecting. Next week is going to be about the same, if not even worse and you should just prepare for it now.
Results
Samoa Joe b. Sami Zayn – Koquina Clutch
Charlotte b. Dana Brooke – Big boot
Brian Kendrick b. TJ Perkins – Sliced Bread #2
Nia Jax b. Bayley – Samoan drop
Cesaro/Sheamus b. Enzo Amore/Big Cass/Anderson and Gallows – Brogue Kick to Gallows
Austin Aries b. Tony Nese – Discus Five Arm
Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to a no contest when Undertaker interfered
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
As in the stuff at Full Sail from 2012 to just before Arrival.
It would be nice if there was a guide for something like that. Say in paperback. Maybe on Friday. Like this Friday. Which will be available on Amazon. Along with a sequel that covers from Arrival to Dallas. Which will be on sale too. Just in time for Wrestlemania season.
That would be nice wouldn’t it?
Ring of Honor TV – March 15, 2017: Tournament Are NOT Always Awesome
Ring of Honor Date: March 15, 2017 Location: Stage AE, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Commentator: Ian Riccabani
The 15th Anniversary Show has come and gone and….it’s not clear when we’ll hear about it on TV. Unfortunately that’s the way this place works and there’s really not a lot that can be done about it. It’s hard to say what we’ll get on this show, aside from the Top Prospect Tournament of course. Let’s get to it.
Opening sequence.
Alex Shelley is the first guest commentator.
Young Bucks vs. Coast to Coast
Non-title. So we’re not even up to Manhattan Mayhem on this one? Sweet goodness they take their sweet time around here. Nick and St. Giovanni get things going with a fight over a wristlock, only to have Nick drop down for a SUCK IT. Some rapid fire kicks have Coast to Coast on the floor, setting up the double dives but Ali pulls them to the floor. Of course the fans eat things up because they want to be cheering cool heels despite being smart fans. Leon hits a Downward Spiral on Matt and we take a break.
Back with Nick hitting a springboard SUCK IT crossbody on Leon. Coast to Coast (the double springboard dropkick to the Tree of Woe) gets two on Nick but that means a superkick. Nick starts firing off more kicks, plus a running Sliced Bread #2. Ali gets superkicked in the back of the leg and the springboard 450 is good for the pin at 7:04.
Rating: C-. This was a decent rub for Coast to Coast though as usual, the ROH fans continue to be some of the most irritating in the world. Then again the Bucks are a big part of that problem for reasons I’ve covered far too many times already. This could have been much worse though and Coast to Coast got a rub, which is more than you can expect most of the time.
Post match Leon takes a Twist of Fate and a Swanton Bomb.
We look at Lio Rush teasing joining the Rebellion before costing them a match last week.
Rush says he’s sick of the Rebellion and they don’t know what they’re dealing with. Cue Kenny King to say this is serious and a challenge is set for next week.
Brutal Bob Evans joins Ian and Alex.
Top Prospect Tournament First Round: Curt Stallion vs. Preston Quinn
Stallion looks like Andrew Everett. Quinn has been wrestling for 23 years and has a Jim Cornette knockoff in his corner. Curt has to shake the manager’s hand and gets punched in his head as a result. Some forearms set up a double stomp for two on Quinn but the manager (Andy Vineberg) trips him up.
A sitdown brainbuster (exactly what it sounds like) gets two on Curt, followed by Abyss’ Shock Treatment. Something like White Noise onto the knee (Okada does it) is good for two on Quinn but he grabs a good looking piledriver. Stallion avoids a middle rope elbow though and catches Quinn with a running headbutt for the pin at 7:09.
Rating: D. This tournament needs to end REALLY soon because no one has impressed me even in the slightest and someone is going to get a contract and a title shot out of this mess. The wrestling has been nothing of note and the characters have been even worse. You might want to make sure you have the talent to pull something like this off because it’s been a real problem in recent weeks.
Here’s Cody to ask where Jay Lethal has been. One fan says he’s seen him and Cody calls the fan a liar. Ever since Final Battle, Lethal has disappeared like the coward he really is. That’s not what Cody wants to talk about tonight though because he’d rather talk about Adam Page. Cue Page with his noose around his neck so Cody talks about bullrope matches with a cowbell included. The DUSTY chant starts up and Cody says the rope is going to become a Texas bullrope. The official challenge is laid out for Supercard of Honor.
Jay Briscoe is ready for his rematch with Jay White next week.
Jonathon Gresham vs. Dalton Castle
Gresham’s first name is spelled differently on his video graphic and his name graphic. Jonathon sits on the mat to avoid an Irish whip and grabs a rope to block an O’Connor roll. Some arm work doesn’t do much on Castle so he holds up a fist to say bring it. A nice technical exchange ends with Castle’s chest thrust, followed by a running knee in the corner.
Gresham grabs both arms for a freaky rollup and a springboard hurricanrana to the floor. A running knee from the apron sets up a chest thrust from Gresham and the gimmick infringement doesn’t set well with Castle. Neither does Jonathan diving off the top so Dalton catches him in the Bang-a-Rang for the pin at 4:41.
Rating: C. This was fine and a good way to warm Castle up for his World Title match at Supercard of Honor. Castle is an interesting choice for that spot as I don’t think anyone believes he’s going to win the title but he’ll certainly get a great reaction when he’s out there. Gresham is still a solid hand but he’s not going anywhere.
Marty Scurll is ready for his TV Title defense at Supercard of Honor.
Mark Briscoe joins commentary.
War Machine vs. BJ Whitmer/Punishment Martinez
No DQ. War Machine jumps them from behind during the entrance and the fight starts in a hurry at ringside. Rowe takes Martinez inside for a Superman Punch, followed by another one on Whitmer for good measure. Running charges crush Martinez and Whitmer before BJ and Hanson head back inside. BJ pelts a chair at Hanson’s head to take over and we take a break.
Back with Rowe hitting running clotheslines to both opponents, followed by a hard knee to Martinez’s face for no cover. Instead BJ grabs a great looking release German suplex to send Rowe flying. Rowe and Whitmer trade running forearms until Whitmer’s exploder suplex gets two. Hanson comes back in with a pop up powerslam for two and it’s time for a table. Whitmer has to escape Fallout and all three head to the floor for Martinez’s Taker Dive for a BIG pop. Back in again and Hanson takes a bit too long loading up something on top, allowing Punishment to chokeslam him through the table for the pin at 10:25.
Rating: C+. This worked well enough and Martinez continues to be one of the more entertaining people to watch on the whole roster. Just let him be something like the Undertaker and put on a bunch of flashy performances. I’m sure that’s not the idea though because we can have the boring Top Prospect Tournament matches instead.
Post match Martinez chokeslams Whitmer to break up the team, which doesn’t seem to be anything interesting to the announcers.
Overall Rating: C-. I’ve seen worse shows from ROH and oddly enough almost all of them seem to take place right after a pay per view. These are more or less filler shows and that doesn’t make for the most interesting stuff in the world. At least we had a fun main event and Martinez leaving the worthless BJ. Watchable show here but nothing you need to see.
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Smackdown – October 17, 2002: That’s Not How A Shower Works
Smackdown Date: October 17, 2002
Location: Air Canada Centre, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz
It’s the go home show for No Mercy and after the disaster that was Raw, this could be two hours of Edge having a meatball sandwich and paying his water bill and it would be more entertaining. The focus tonight will be on the Tag Team Title tournament and hopefully not so much on Undertaker’s fake affair. Let’s get to it.
We look at the accusations against Undertaker last week, resulting in him attacking Lesnar.
Opening sequence.
Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Edge/Rey Mysterio vs. Ron Simmon/D-Von
Simmons takes Edge into the corner to start and hammers away before a flying forearm puts him down. D-Von comes in and takes a springboard seated senton as the good guys are flying so far. The 619 misses though and Simmons plants Rey with the spinebuster to take over. D-Von misses a middle rope elbow though and Rey’s spinwheel kick allows the hot tag to Edge. It’s time for some double teaming as D-Von is placed on top with Edge launching Rey up for a hurricanrana. There’s a spear to Simmons and the Edgecution ends D-Von.
Rating: C-. Not exactly the most shocking ending in the world but it’s just a warmup to set up the finals with all the action coming at the pay per view. I’m really not sure why D-Von and Simmons weren’t Billy and Chuck but I’m sure there’s some reason that someone over thought for some reason.
Eddie and Chavo run out to beat on Edge and Mysterio.
Tonight we’ve got Nidia vs. Jamie Noble with Tajiri as guest referee for no apparent reason. Nidia comes up and flirts with him in Spanish before Jamie comes up. Some sex related talk ensues and Nidia slaps him in the face.
Jamie Noble vs. Nidia
Tajiri is guest referee. Nidia kicks Jamie low and jumps on his back before getting flipped down to the mat. Jamie doesn’t want to hit her so he sidesteps a dropkick and tells Nidia to stop it. Nidia tries a sunset flip but Jamie rolls her up for the pin. I have no idea what the point of this was and I forgot Tajiri was guest referee.
Nidia slaps Tajiri and Jamie beats him up.
Undertaker says he isn’t a liar but he lied about now knowing Tracy. Apparently something did happen with her but it was years before he met his wife. Vengeance is guaranteed. This was nothing.
Eddie and Chavo go into their locker room and find Benoit waiting on them. Benoit isn’t happy with what happened last week and stares them down so Eddie begs for forgiveness and goes into their history, dating all the way back to the Radicalz. Eddie starts crying about how Benoit was there through his personal issues and now Benoit is hurting his feelings!
Benoit still doesn’t move so Eddie goes into a rage with his arms waving and daring Benoit to hit him. Chavo finally drags Eddie away after one of the most manic, entertaining performances I’ve seen in a long time while Chris never says a word. Eddie was on another planet here.
John Cena vs. Billy Kidman
This is over their loss last week in the tournament. Cena seems to blame Kidman for the loss and might be teasing a heel turn. An armdrag and headscissor stagger Cena to start but he launches Kidman out to the floor for a big crash. Back in and some whips into the corner have Kidman in trouble and Cole makes sure to point out the lack of a smile on Cena’s face. A pair of suplexes give Cena back to back near falls and the fans are all over him. Kidman reverses a powerbomb into a sunset flip but Cena grabs a backslide and throws his feet on the ropes for the cheap pin.
Rating: C. Well it’s not like Cena was lighting the world up as a face anymore. Turning him heel is a good enough idea here, especially after how far he’s fallen since his debut. Then again, WWE hasn’t exactly done anything with him so it’s not like it’s his fault.Just build him up one step at a time and things should be fine.
Heyman, Lesnar and Tracy storm into Stephanie’s office to say that Tracy slept with Undertaker ten days ago. Stephanie ejects her so Heyman goes into a rant about how Lesnar and Matt Hardy are the future around here instead of Undertaker. It would behoove Stephanie to force Undertaker to take that cast off for Sunday. Stephanie makes sure to get in a line about Heyman disrespecting her before putting Lesnar in with Chuck Palumbo.
Post break Undertaker yells at Stephanie about Tracy and about possibly having to take the cast off. Stephanie thinks Heyman makes a good point because it would be unfair to have the cast INSIDE THE CELL. Undertaker breaks stuff due to the high levels of stupidity.
Brock Lesnar vs. Chuck Palumbo
Non-title. Chuck goes with some hard right hands to start so Brock just takes his head off with a clothesline. The beating is on and Palumbo starts bleeding from the mouth. A belly to belly suplex sets up the waistlock and Chuck is in trouble. Palumbo is tied up in the Tree of Woe but Brock misses a charge and crashes into the corner. Heyman: “IS THAT LEGAL???” Chuck gets in a superkick of his own and a belly to belly gets two. Brock gets tired of this nonsense and gives Chuck a belly to belly of his own before finishing with the F5.
Rating: D. This was exactly what you would expect here and that’s not a good thing. They did keep it short at least but that’s still not exactly the best idea in the first place. I do however like the idea of Lesnar steamrolling someone before heading into the Cell as you can only have Undertaker chase him off so many times.
Speaking of Undertaker chasing Lesnar off, that’s exactly what we get again after the match, including a cast shot to bust Lesnar open.
Torrie Wilson is stretching when her dad comes up. She wants to talk to him about the stuff with Dawn Marie but he ignores her and gives him flowers. Torrie has to go to the ring so she asks one of the backstage women to keep an eye on the flowers.
Torrie Wilson/Rikishi vs. Dawn Marie/Matt Hardy
It’s a great night as we get the debut of the Matt Hardy search video, complete with your first Mattitude Fact: Matt Has Beaten Undertaker Two Straight Times. When you look at this and the Broken stuff, it really is amazing to think about what kind of complete nonsense Matt has gotten over. He doesn’t get enough credit for that stuff. The ladies start things off but Matt tags himself in. That brings in Rikishi so I’m sure you can get the idea. Dawn slaps Rikishi and gets gorilla pressed.
We get some Melina-level screeching before it’s back to Torrie for a horrible swinging neckbreaker. Dawn gets two off a boot in the corner with Cole saying Torrie managed to pop out. Taz: “What popped out???” Rikishi comes back in but misses the sit down on Dawn’s chest. Matt bails before Rikishi can try it on him so Rikishi settles for a spinebuster. With nothing else working, Dawn comes in and jumps on Rikishi’s back to no avail. A double Stinkface has Matt’s face eyes bugging out but he’s still able to turn over a small package to give Dawn the pin on Torrie.
Rating: D-. Eh I can’t call anything with Torrie and Dawn in there a total failure but this story is killing a lot of the show. Then again, so is Rikishi and Matt Hardy having random matches like this one. That’s the case for so much of this show though: nothing matches that don’t make me want to see the pay per view and just fill in time between Lesnar and Undertaker segments.
Post match Rikishi crushes Matt so Torrie loads up a Stinkface, including hiking up the shorts. Of course Rikishi takes her place when Matt closes his eyes.
Lesnar is getting his cut looked at and sends Paul to get Stephanie to ban the cast. Like I said: the matches are just filling in time between the segments.
After a break, Heyman demands that the cast be taken off before the Cell. Again: IT’S THE CELL! WHY IS A CAST SUCH A BIG DEAL???
We run down the No Mercy card.
Kurt Angle accuses Benoit of wanting his gold medals. Actually hang on. Angle thinks Benoit had something to do with the attack last week. That’s nonsense because Angle would come after Benoit face to face so they better get along out there. Again, Benoit didn’t say a word.
Torrie finds out that there was a card with the flowers and they were for Dawn. Someone backstage tells her that he’s in the locker room with Dawn so Torrie finds them in the shower together. Dawn is not exactly clothed and Al is…..thankfully in his full clothes. I think he might need a few pointers there.
Tag Team Title Tournament Semifinals: Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Chavo Guerrero/Eddie Guerrero
Edge and Mysterio run out and jump the Guerreros to make up for the earlier attack. Just to keep things fair, Benoit and Angle take a beating as well. Back from a break with Eddie stomping Angle in the corner until Kurt gets annoyed and throws the family around. It’s off to Benoit for a hard elbow to the jaw and a backbreaker for two. Chavo comes in and eats a suplex from Kurt, followed by a hard Benoit knee to the ribs.
The family finally gets Chris down and stomps away, only to have Benoit snap off the fastest Crossface I can ever remember for a near submission on Eddie. Some double teaming sets up a chinlock on Benoit before Eddie goes with the simple kick to the face. Chavo takes too long going up top though and one heck of a superplex brings him back down. The place is going nuts for Angle and the hot tag oddly quiets them. It’s time for the German suplexes all around but Chavo catches Angle in a brainbuster.
Eddie adds the frog splash for two but Benoit slaps on the Crossface. That’s broken up so Angle tries to Slam Eddie, only to have the referee get bumped. Eddie gets the El Paso Lasso, which Angle quickly reverses into the ankle lock for the unseen tap. Chavo tries to bring in a chair but Benoit takes it away and, after teasing turning on Angle, clocks both Guerreros. That means an Angle Slam to Eddie for the pin to send Angle and Benoit to No Mercy.
Rating: A-. This is a great example of take four guys, tell them to go have fun and turn them loose. They had nonstop action here with all four beating the heck out of each other and some great mat work. There’s almost no way these guys aren’t going to have a blast out there and it gets more entertaining every time. That match on Sunday has serious potential.
Stephanie has come to a decision and we’ll hear it in the ring. This was a totally pointless scene.
Speaking of pointless, here’s Stephanie to announce if Undertaker can use his cast in the Cell where ANYTHING GOES. First though, here are Heyman and Lesnar to pay close attention. Stephanie agrees that it’s anything goes in the Cell but Undertaker has been behaving very badly. Eh it’s cool though and he can wear the cast.
Lesnar gets right in her face (that would earn him a castration today) but here’s Undertaker…..who charges right into a spinebuster. Lesnar stomps on the cast and leaves but Heyman makes sure to get in one last gloat. Cast shots to Heyman and the returning Lesnar allow Undertaker to beat Heyman up even more (drawing some good blood) to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. That main event is more than enough to carry the show but sweet goodness I never need to hear Stephanie talk to Heyman and Lesnar again. The fact that the whole show was built around a weapon being used inside the most violent match in the company and wound up going nowhere tells you a lot of this show’s problem. The stuff aside from the tournament and the cast stuff felt worthless and that’s not good when there’s so much awesome in the ring.
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No Mercy 2002
Date: October 20, 2002
Location: Alltel Arena, North Little Rock, Arkansas
Attendance: 9,074
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz, Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
This is one of those rare shows where the Brand Split really changes everything. On the Smackdown side we have what could be an incredible bloodbath inside the Cell between Brock Lesnar and Undertaker, plus a potential match of the year candidate as Rey Mysterio and Edge face Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit for the inaugural Smackdown Tag Team Titles. On the Raw side: Kane being accused of a murderer and necrophiliac and something about unifying titles. Wrestling is weird sometimes no? Let’s get to it.
Undertaker is in the locker room when Kane sits down next to him. Kane: “So how was your week?”
The opening video focuses on the two main events with Heyman implying that Undertaker will die inside the Cell and never get to see his soon to be born baby.
Raw Tag Team Titles: Christian/Chris Jericho vs. Goldust/Booker T.
Christian and Jericho are defending after winning the titles on Monday though this is mostly about Jericho vs. Booker. In a bad sign for the future of their title reign, the champs come out separately. Then again so do the challengers so not only do the entrances take forever but tag team wrestling seems to be dying.
Booker clotheslines Christian down to start but goes after Jericho instead of following up. Not that it really matters as he sidekicks Christian and brings Goldust in to keep the champs in trouble. Jericho gets catapulted over the top onto Christian but a quick necksnap across the top rope finally puts the champs in control.
Christian is intelligent enough to knock Booker off the apron so there’s no one for Goldust to tag. I love the simple but smart ideas like that as they always work. Goldust’s powerslam has Christian writhing in pain and Booker looking at his own hand. The hot tag brings in Booker to clean house but he misses the ax kick. Instead it’s a spinebuster for two on Jericho, only to have Christian pull Chris out of the way of the side kick.
A blind tag allows Goldust to hit Shattered Dreams on Christian but Jericho grabs the Walls. Booker makes the save and gets in the Spinarooni so here’s Christian with a title belt. The big shot misses so Jericho tries the springboard dropkick, only to have the rope break. Jericho bulldogs Goldust onto the title instead and drops a top rope moonsault to retain.
Rating: C. The rope break hurt things a bit but Jericho was more than good enough to keep things safe. That being said, the match wasn’t all that great in the first place but it did its job. The problem though is how much fire Goldust and especially Booker T. lose every day they don’t win the titles. I really don’t get why Jericho and Christian need the titles and Booker is really needing to win something other than a nothing match against Big Show soon.
Funaki interviews Al Wilson, which is little more than a way to recap the Dawn Marie vs. Torrie feud. The big question: why was Al in his clothes in the shower? Al says he did not have sexual relations with that woman (remember this is Arkansas) so Funaki concludes that Al can’t speak English. Odds are this was a way to fill in time to repair the ring, which is totally understandable.
Dawn Marie vs. Torrie Wilson
Torrie gets in some bad clotheslines and sunset flips Dawn to really show the anger and hatred. Dawn snaps her throat first across the top rope and the slow stomping ensues. We hit a chinlock as these two are actually way better than anything Stacy and Terri have done. They may not be good but at least they’re trying to have a match instead of all the nonsense we normally get. Torrie comes back with the catfight and the referee gets crushed. He doesn’t let go when it’s over though and Dawn has to yell at him. Torrie catapults her into the corner and gets a neckbreaker (nearly a Diamond Cutter) for the pin.
Rating: F+. Yeah what else were you expecting here? This feud is over a bikini contest, a lingerie contest and Dawn Marie being in the shower with a guy in his 50s or 60s. Were you expecting a classic match here? I’ll give them some minor points for trying but there’s only so much you can do when the women belong in a beginners’ class instead of live pay per view.
Torrie yells at Dawn and says that was for her dad. Uh, Torrie, your dad was in the shower with her. I don’t think he really wants revenge at the moment.
Rob Van Dam doesn’t think much of Ric Flair’s standard catchphrases because he’s a chair smashing, frog splash, risk taking yinning and yanging Van Daminating dude. Between each item on that list, Van Dam threw in a little strut which looked more like dancing. It’s not exactly funny but Van Dam isn’t known for nailing the promos.
Heyman and Lesnar walk through the back and Tracy (the woman who accused Undertaker of cheating on his wife) says the same stuff she has every day.
Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam
Fallout from last month where Flair helped HHH to beat Van Dam and retain the title. Van Dam jumps him before the bell and hits the spinning leg to Flair’s back. The top rope kick to the chest gives us the opening bell, even though the referee was counting them on the floor. Some right hands to the face and another kick to the chest give Van Dam two until a low blow cuts him off.
It’s already time to go for the knee with a chop block, stomps and a wrap around the ropes. Another chop block sets up more stomping so let’s talk about Tracy being attractive. There’s the Figure Four for a bit until Rob rolls over to the ropes. Back up and Van Dam misses a dropkick but blocks another Figure Four with a small package. Flair gets slammed off the top, hit with Rolling Thunder and pinned with the Five Star.
Rating: D. I know that sounded like it was just going through the motions and it’s exactly what the match felt like. This was all about keeping things as basic as they could and you could connect the dots for what was going to happen about a minute into the match. I guess this is Van Dam’s consolation prize for getting crushed last month so he must feel better now. Really boring stuff here as neither guy seemed to be trying.
Big Show complains about something to Stephanie when Bischoff comes in to say Raw talent shouldn’t be talking to the Smackdown boss. That goes badly as Show rants about how he hasn’t been on pay per view since July and hasn’t main evented in forever. Bischoff yells at him and gets grabbed by the jacket for some sneering threats.
Here’s the history of the Intercontinental Title video from Monday. It’s a good video but this screams filler.
Cruiserweight Title: Tajiri vs. Jamie Noble
Jamie is defending and has Nidia with him. For the third time in four matches, someone is attacked before the bell. That really is hard to defend and shouldn’t be happening. Tajiri’s moonsault to the floor gets two at the bell and a kneedrop is good for the same. Jamie’s sunset flip doesn’t work as Tajiri rolls forward through the ropes (nice counter) but a running electric chair gives the champ two. A tilt-a-whirl slam sets up a bow and arrow as the back work continues.
Tajiri can’t fight up yet and Jamie drops an elbow to the back to keep him down. The announcers make sex jokes about Nidia as Tajiri avoids a charge and grabs a wicked tornado DDT. Tajiri’s kick and strike rush set up a spinwheel kick for two. A bridging German suplex gets the same and there’s the Tarantula. Tajiri gets in the Buzzsaw Kick but Nidia kisses the referee, allowing Noble to come back with the Tiger Bomb for a close two. Another Tiger Bomb is countered and Tajiri tries a victory roll, only to have Nidia trip Jamie up (and reset his balance), allowing him to get a rollup to retain.
Rating: B-. I dug this a lot more than I was expecting to as the psychology was working fine and the ending makes sense. The problem here though is how far the cruiserweight division has sunk. There’s just nothing to the thing right now but that’s been the case for a long time. Noble is a talented guy but a redneck champion isn’t the most thrilling character in the world.
Tajiri kisses Nidia and kicks Noble post match.
Chris Benoit finds Eddie Guerrero and tells him that Chavo is getting beaten up in a locker room. Eddie hears him screaming but thinks it’s the same trick he and Chavo pulled on Benoit a few weeks back. He says that’s a little girl screaming (That’s better?) instead of Chavo but the door opens and Chavo stumbles out. Angle follows him with a big smile and security holds Uncle Eddie back. Funny stuff to go with the great wrestling. Is there any doubt as to why Smackdown is better?
We recap Kane vs. HHH, which is based off Kane being on the biggest roll he’s had in years. Then HHH accused him of murdering a woman named Katie Vick (and possibly violating her corpse). Both of the Raw singles titles are on the line with the winner getting the World Title while the Intercontinental Title will be retired no matter what.
Raw World Title/Intercontinental Title: HHH vs. Kane
Technically they’re both defending but I’ll only call HHH champion because Kane’s title doesn’t mean anything. A hard right hand knocks HHH into the corner and even more of them have the champ rocked. Kane kicks him under the ropes and into the barricade but gets caught in a neckbreaker back inside.
HHH posts him to really slow Kane down and it’s time to stomp away. A spinebuster gets two and it’s time to choke as this is in the slow HHH style you would expect. Since the match hasn’t been uninteresting enough yet, we hit the sleeper. Thankfully the day of the sleeper has passed though and Kane powers out for the side slam.
Cue Flair and the ref gets bumped as Kane beats HHH up even more. Flair slips HHH the title for two as Hurricane comes out to cancel out Ric. And never mind as HHH Pedigrees him on the floor, likely for getting a nice pop. The chokeslam is broken up and the ref is bumped again, followed by the chokeslam through the table.
Flair brings in the sledgehammer to no avail as JR says NOTHING is going to stop Kane tonight. NOTHING you see. The Tombstone is countered with a hammer shot but Kane pops back up for the chokeslam. Somehow the referee is STILL down though so here’s a replacement….who Flair pulls to the floor. That earns Flair a chokeslam but the Pedigree retains the title.
Rating: D. This reminds me of the volleyball game in Scooby-Doo and the Ghoul School: one shenanigan after another with what’s supposed to be the main focus going on in the background. This was a boring wrestling match with about six minutes of insanity at the end, which doesn’t make for a good use of the time. You can add Kane to the list of people whose life was destroyed by HHH and then he gets to lose the title match. Oh and now there’s no midcard title because no one needs one of those around.
Stephanie is in her office when Tracy comes in. They talk about relationships and Tracy says she doesn’t care what happens as long as she gets Undertaker back. Confidentially though, she’s been lying about almost everything. Yes she actually says confidentially and we’re again supposed to ignore the camera. Undertaker comes in after having heard everything (How?) and Tracy is thrown out.
We recap the Tag Team Title tournament with the main focus being on Angle and Benoit not being allowed to fight each other, even though they can’t stand one another.
Smackdown Tag Team Titles: Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs. Edge/Rey Mysterio
This should be amazing. Again, four separate entrances. Angle and Mysterio start things off with Kurt sending him into the corner for some slaps to the back of the head. Get in the embarrassment stuff while you can I guess. Angle wants Edge but Rey isn’t ready to tag out and stomps on Angle’s foot. The ensuing charge is countered into a drop toehold so Rey can smack Kurt in the back of the head.
NOW he’ll tag Edge in and for some reason he tries to get technical with Angle which goes as well as you would expect. Benoit comes in and grinds away on a headlock as Cole describes the upcoming Cell match as a “treat”. Thankfully Tazz is right there to say a treat is something like a lollipop, not a violent match. Edge gets two off a flapjack and spears Angle off the apron but Benoit gets in a clothesline to take over.
Off to a rear naked choke from Angle with Tazz pointing out that Kurt made sure that Edge could see Rey, making him feel helpless because he couldn’t get there. Tazz didn’t get analytical often but he was good when he did. It’s back to Benoit for the rolling German suplexes but he takes too long going up and gets superplexed right back down. The hot tag brings in Mysterio so house can be cleaned, including a top rope legdrop as Benoit is draped across the ropes.
Not that it matters as Benoit grabs the Crossface with Edge having to make a save. The 619 is countered but Edge missile dropkicks Rey in the back to knock him onto Benoit for a near fall. Rey goes up but Angle runs the ropes for the belly to belly superplex. Things settle back down with Angle working on Rey’s back before grabbing a front facelock. Some clotheslines drop Rey but he bulldogs Benoit and makes the hot tag off to Edge for the house cleaning.
Everything breaks down and Benoit gets his bronco busted, followed by the toss into the top rope hurricanrana for Angle. Benoit headbutts his partner by mistake but Angle gets back up for the rolling German suplexes. Rey charges at Edge who suplexes his partner into something like a Cannonball on Angle. Benoit comes back in and Crossfaces Benoit until Rey gets in a 619 for the save.
There’s the Angle Slam to Mysterio but Edge reverses the ankle lock into a small package for an INCREDIBLE near fall. Back up and Edge throws Rey over the top for a moonsault onto Benoit but Kurt ankle locks Edge, which is reversed into an ankle lock on Kurt. You know Angle isn’t having that though as he reverses into another ankle lock to make Edge tap for the titles.
Rating: A+. I don’t think this one needs much of an explanation. Those last five to seven minutes were outstanding with some great near falls and some of the best action you’ll see. This is the kind of stuff that you only get when everyone is making each other better and it makes for some outstanding action. Check this match out if you haven’t before and you’ll see why it’s so revered.
Undertaker gets an injection to numb his hand for the main event.
Women’s Title: Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
Trish is defending after Victoria accused her of sleeping her way into the company. They get aggressive to start with Trish knocking her to the floor and sending Victoria into the post. Victoria comes back by dropping her face first off the barricade before not getting the best elevation off a monkey flip. Lawler talks about the girls’ chests as Victoria grabs an over the shoulder backbreaker. An electric chair brings Victoria out of the corner and they slug it out again with Trish scoring with the Chick Kick for two (and getting up before the kickout). Stratusfaction is broken up but an O’Connor Roll retains the title.
Rating: C+. This was one of the better women’s matches in a long time as, commentary aside, this was a match where the gender wasn’t the focus for a change. Instead it was all about the action, which is a big reason today’s women’s wrestling is so much better than its predecessors. It’s still not a great era for the division but at least they had two women who were ready to fight here. Good match here and a very nice surprise.
Rikishi is at the World and hopes the Cell isn’t as bad for Lesnar as it was for him back in 2000. He picks Undertaker.
We recap Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar, which is a rematch from last month. Last time they went to a double DQ so this time it’s inside the Cell because they keep fighting. Undertaker has a broken had but is allowed to use the cast. This was treated as a major deal because Stephanie doesn’t understand how the Cell works.
Smackdown World Title: Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Lesnar is defending inside the Cell. I love all the little tears in the Cell walls from the years of use. Undertaker misses some cast shots to start and gets caught in a great looking powerslam. Not that it matters as the first cast shot has Lesnar in trouble and it’s time for a breather on the floor. Brock finally goes after THE BIG CAST ON UNDERTAKER’S HAND and shockingly enough, it works quite well. A second cast to the head busts Lesnar open and has Paul screaming NO over and over in a nice touch.
Undertaker sends him into various metal objects and the blood is just flowing down Lesnar’s chest and shoulders. A ram into the cage wall gets two on the floor, which I don’t believe you could do before. Lesnar is launched hard into the wall and a hard cast shot makes things even worse. Undertaker goes to the top and drops an awkward looking knee as Brock is on the apron for two more on the outside. That didn’t get much of a reaction and it’s not the biggest surprise given how awkward it looked.
Undertaker kicks Heyman through the cage to bust him open as well. One heck of a whip sends Lesnar hard into the steps but he finally posts Undertaker for a breather. Now it’s time to get creative as Brock steals Undertaker’s belt to tie him to the Cell by the hand. A series of chair shots to the cast should completely shatter the hand but Undertaker punches away instead.
Lesnar gets the cast off and for some reason it’s odd to see Undertaker’s bare hand. Instead of stomping on the hand or grabbing it (like common sense would suggest), Brock sits Undertaker on top and grabs the top of the cage for some jumping kicks. Undertaker kicks him down in a hurry and drops a top rope elbow for two. In an even bigger surprise, Undertaker busts out a suicide dive of all things (and it didn’t look bad either).
Lesnar gets back up and BLASTS Undertaker with the steps, busting him open so badly that you can see the blood falling off his head and onto the floor. With his face completely covered in blood, Undertaker slugs away with the broken hand as there is blood on the camera lens.
Old School is broken up so Undertaker escapes the F5 and gets two off a chokeslam. Lesnar’s Last Ride is countered and the real thing gets two (with Undertaker’s blood DRIPPING INTO LESNAR’S MOUTH) as Brock grabs the ropes. Shouldn’t that not count in a falls count anywhere match? Not that it matters as Undertaker loads up the Tombstone but Brock counters and gets the F5 to retain.
Rating: B. This is a tricky one as the story of the match (Undertaker’s broken hand) was almost completely forgotten about halfway through. That being said, all the blood was more than enough to make up for it as this was one of the most violent matches I’ve seen in a long time. Given how the PG era works today, it really does make for a sharp change of pace and that’s a good thing at times. There might be too much blood here for some tastes but the action and violence is very entertaining if it’s your style.
Brock climbs the Cell to pose with the title to end the show.
Overall Rating: B. I liked this one a lot more than I was expecting to, which is saying a lot how weak the card gets after the top two matches. The lineups are still pretty weak at the moment and as usual, the Smackdown half more than out shined the other half. There good stuff here but there’s also quite a bit of bad and unfortunately there seems to be more of the latter, at least in total matches.
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Wrestlemania XVIII Date: March 17, 2002
Location: SkyDome, Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Attendance: 68,237
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
This is a show where things have really changed a lot in a single year. The Attitude Era is over and the Invasion has come and thankfully gone. HHH is returning tonight to take the Undisputed Title which was supposed to be his in the first place but he wasn’t back from injury yet. Instead it went to Chris Jericho, who knew his days were numbered the second HHH came back. The real main event here though is The Rock vs. Hulk Hogan, who returned with Hall and Nash last month. This is the point where a lot of the shows are fuzzy to me because a lot of the matches and feuds are just filler. Let’s get to it.
Before the show Saliva performs Superstar. Eh I like the song so I can’t complain. Also it’s not like they’re performing a rock version of America the Beautiful. That would just be stupid.
The opening video is about how Wrestlemania is the biggest show of the year and what it means for your career to make it to this show. The main focus is on HHH being back in the main event tonight.
Intercontinental Title: Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal
Regal is defending and this is during his Power of the Punch period. Van Dam kicks him down to start before pounding away at the champion’s head. The fans are all behind RVD here as Regal quickly loads up the brass knuckles. RVD is ready for it though and kicks the knuckles away. A nice jumping kick to the face takes Regal down again but a quick Five Star attempt misses.
The champion takes it to the mat for a bit before a quick suplex gets two. Regal puts on a quick chinlock but Van Dam flips out of it, only to hit knees with Rolling Thunder. A nice butterfly powerbomb gets two for Regal but Rob rolls him up before the Regal Stretch can go on. Van Dam monkey flips Regal down but Regal blocks the stepover kick into a half nelson suplex. Nicely done. Rob rolls to the floor and Regal follows, where he finds the brass knuckles. The referee takes them away back inside, but Regal pulls out a second pair. Not that it matters though as RVD kicks him down and hits the Five Star to win the title.
Rating: B-. Nice opener here with some solid strikes from Van Dam and even nicer counters by Regal. It’s also a good feeling moment for the fans which should put them in a good mood for the rest of the show. That’s what a good opener is supposed to do and it worked fine here. That’s the first of Van Dam’s six IC Titles over his career.
Christian talks about not needing DDP or this city anymore. Also he’s totally over those temper tantrums of his.
European Title: Christian vs. Diamond Dallas Page
Christian is challenging and he cranks up the heel levels here by saying that he’s now from Tampa instead of Toronto. Page is very POSITIVE at this point but he never worked in WWF. At the end of the day, Page grew up in front of the WCW cameras instead of the WWF ones, so there was no connection to the fans. He was just an old guy with a good finisher and not much else.
Christian jumps Page to start but Page comes back with a nice over the shoulder gutbuster before clotheslining Christian out to the floor. Back in and Page pounds away in the corner, only to be dropped face first onto the buckle. We hear about Page being the Cadillac driver at Wrestlemania 6 in this same building which is indeed a pretty cool story. They trade slugs in the corner but Christian rams Page into the post to take over.
Back inside and Christian puts on an abdominal stretch followed by a backbreaker for two. Christian goes up top but gets slammed from the bottom rope (that’s a new one) as Page takes over. The discus lariat and helicopter bomb get two each for the champion but the Cutter is blocked. Another attempt out of the corner is countered into the reverse DDT for two. Christian keeps himself calm though, only to walk into the Diamond Cutter to retain the title.
Rating: C. Not quite as good as the first match but it certainly wasn’t bad. The problem here was the same one I mentioned earlier: there’s really no reason to care about Page. He’s not terrible but there’s nothing about him that makes WWF fans interested in him. Christian was still several months (and a big haircut) away from meaning anything as a singles guy. Page would lose the title to Regal in two days and it would be retired in July.
Post match Page says that was a good thing but Christian has a tantrum anyway.
Rock says he wants Hulkamania to be running wild tonight. He asks Coach if he took his vitamins this morning. Coach did, but he was too busy to say his prayers. This doesn’t sit well with Rock so he demands some prayers right now. Coach gets down on his knees. Coach: “What up G?” Rock: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??? GET OUT OF HERE YOU SICK FREAK!” Rock says he’s running wild on Hogan tonight and tears his own shirt off. He’s feeling it tonight.
Hardcore Title: Goldust vs. Maven
Maven is defending and this is another match with no real story to it. Goldie jumps him during the entrance to take over quickly. A forearm off the railing keeps Maven down and it’s cookie sheet time. We head inside with Maven avoiding a catapult and hitting a kind of Van Daminator with a trashcan and dropkick for two. Goldie neckbreakers him down for two and busts out a shovel. Instead of using it though he whips Maven into the trashcan for two. Goldust puts Maven down with a shot to the head….and here’s Spike Dudley running in for the pin and the title. We’ve got a running joke tonight and I’m not rating this nonsense.
Drowning Pool performs a song called Tear Away which “tells the story” of the main event, which means we get a small video of the feud as they play their song. This fills up like five minutes of the show, which combined with the other performance earlier could have easily gone to another match or extending one of the existing ones.
As could this, as in the back Crash and Spike are fighting again until Al Snow and a referee come up in a golf cart. He misses both guys fighting but here’s Hurricane swinging in on a rope to kick Spike down and win the title.
After a don’t try this at home video, we recap Hurricane winning the title. SERIOUSLY? On WRESTLEMANIA we’re wasting time like this?
Kurt Angle vs. Kane
Angle has the SWEET black singlet here. He rips on the Canadian figure skating team that had a big controversy over winning a gold medal. Angle says he’s a big red white and blue machine but here’s the interruption. If there’s a reason for this match, it’s not important enough to mention and I can’t remember it either. Apparently there’s something about Kane having a concussion so Angle hits him with the bell before the….uh bell actually.
A quick German suplex puts Kane down and Kurt stomps away. Kane gets up and hits some right hands before stomping away in the corner for a bit. A two handed chokeslam puts Angle down but he blocks the one armed version. Angle comes back with a belly to belly suplex for no cover but it scrambles Kane’s head again. Kurt chokes away on the ropes and a belly to back suplex gets two. Off to a front facelock for a bit until Kane throws Angle off to get a breather.
The side slam puts Kane down but Angle rolls some Germans to put him right back down. A top rope clothesline puts Kane down again but the second attempt lands on an uppercut from Kane. Both guys are down again as the match slows down even more. Kane comes back with the big boot and the tilt-a-whirl powerslam for two. Now the chokeslam hits but Angle grabs the rope. Angle grabs the mask to confuse Kane and hits the Angle Slam for two.
There’s the ankle lock for a bit which has made Kane tap before, but he makes the rope this time. An enziguri puts Angle down and Kane goes up, only for Angle to run the ropes for the suplex. The Angle Slam is countered and Kane grabs a chokeslam, only for Angle to roll through into a cradle. They botch said cradle but Angle improvises by putting his feet on the ropes because he’s smart like that.
Rating: C-. This was just kind of there which hurt it a lot. Again, I’m not really sure why these two were fighting. There was a mention of head trauma for Kane but that was never elaborated on at all. Also it didn’t really seem to mess with Kane after the first two minutes or so, making it a pretty pointless injury. Not bad here, but it didn’t do anything of note for me.
Hurricane tries to sneak out of the building but winds up seeing Godfather’s escorts changing clothes. Erection jokes are made using a broom. This isn’t funny.
We recap Undertaker vs. Flair. Flair cost Taker a match against Rock at No Way Out for reasons not clear, so Taker demanded a match here tonight. Flair said no so Taker beat up Arn Anderson and Flair’s son David. The Board made Flair step down as a result. Vince made this No DQ to be a jerk.
Ric Flair vs. Undertaker
Flair goes straight for him to start and takes it to the floor immediately, sending Taker over the announce table to pound away. Back in and Flair punches Undertaker out to the floor where he’s staggering around. Taker sends him into the barricade to put him down though and we head back inside. We get the Flair Flip in the corner and then a second one that sends Flair out to the floor.
Taker pounds him down by the timekeeper’s table, busting Ric open in the process. Back in and Taker kicks him in his bloody head for good measure. Taker pounds away in the corner but Flair comes back with some HARD chops. There’s blood on the camera as Undertaker knocks Flair right back down. A pretty awesome superplex puts Flair down but Undertaker pulls him up at two because he’s EVIL. Taker hits a hard elbow to Flair’s head before dropping the apron legdrop.
Back in and Flair pulls him up again before pounding away at Naitch’s head. Flair avoids an elbow drop though and counters Old School for good measure. Undertaker is bleeding from the cheek. A side slam stops Flair’s comeback dead for two and we’re right back where we were a minute ago. They head out to the floor where Flair pulls a lead pipe off of Taker’s bike and blasts him in the forehead with it. A shot to the ribs has Taker in trouble again and his head is busted open on top of that.
Flair finds a Keep Off sign and blasts Taker with it a few times as we head back inside. Taker grabs him by the throat but Flair kicks him in his old dead balls to break it up. Off to the Figure Four but Taker grabs him by the throat to escape. The chokeslam gets two so Taker shoves the referee down. He grabs the pipe again but here’s Arn Anderson with a spinebuster for two. Taker LAUNCHED Flair out on the kickout too.
Anderson comes in and gets busted open via some shots to the head and is put in a dragon sleeper (yes Taker used to use that) for good measure. Flair breaks it up with a chair but gets kicked in the face. They botch the Last Ride attempt (it almost looked like Flair was sandbagging him) so Taker Tombstones him to end it.
Rating: C. Just a long punching match here for the most part which wasn’t all that good. Anderson was a nice sight to see but it didn’t do much to help Flair. The problem with Taker at this point was that he wouldn’t sell ANYTHING and it made Flair look all the weaker in the process. So naturally they made him world champion in like two months.
Booker T (wearing glasses for some reason) says he’s smart because he’s wearing glasses. He claims to have aced the SAT and won an award for a paper on Einstein’s Theory of Relatives. “He had two theories.” After tonight, Edge can endorse a book about getting beaten up by Booker T. This was the semi-infamous “THEY’RE FIGHTING OVER SHAMPOO!” feud, where Edge stole a Japanese shampoo endorsement deal from Booker. It may sound stupid, but you can’t say it’s been done.
Booker T vs. Edge
Booker gets in a cheap shot to start but the hometown boy comes back with a dropkick and half nelson mat slam for two. A hot shot puts Edge down again though as JR talks about government officials that are interested in Mania. Edge gets clotheslined out to the floor and stomped a bit before we head back inside. A missile dropkick gets two on Edge as this is still all Booker. There’s a spinebuster for the same but Booker goes up and gets crotched, allowing Edge to botch a top rope rana to put Booker down.
Back up and Edge hits some clotheslines followed by the Edge-O-Matic for two. Edge counters Booker’s corner sunset flip into a catapult but misses the spear. There’s a superkick to put Edge down and it’s Spinarooni time. Edge hits a fast spear for two and does a Spinarooni of his own. The Edgecution hits and we’re done.
Rating: D+. The match sucked but the fans loved it that Edge came back home and won. That being said, this shows one of the major problems with this show: so many of the matches could have been aired on Raw but instead they’re airing on Wrestlemania. They don’t feel big and that’s a bad thing.
Hurricane insists he’s not a pervert but Mighty Molly hits him with a frying pan for the pin and the title.
We recap Vince bringing in the NWO. They cost Austin the title at No Way Out so Austin toyed with them for awhile, including kidnapping Hall. This resulted in the NWO breaking a cinder block over Austin’s knee and it hurt him so bad that he taped up the OTHER knee and limped on it for two weeks.
Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall
That’s a pretty big fall for Austin from main event to this in just a year. The injured Nash is with Hall here to try to make us believe Austin isn’t winning in a walk. Austin immediately stomps him down in the corner before Hall can even get his vest off. There’s the Thesz Press but Austin has to go after Nash on the floor instead of following up. Back in and Hall clotheslines him down for two as momentum shifts. Nash sneaks a turnbuckle pad off as the other two fight in the corner.
Austin gets whipped back first into said buckle pad and Nash adds a right hand for good measure. The fallaway slam gets two for Hall as does a hard clothesline. Hall stomps away at Austin’s ribs and Nash gets in another right hand to the head. Scott pounds away even more but Austin grabs a Stunner out of nowhere. Nash makes the save and decks the referee though, allowing for some good old NWO cheating.
Hall brings in a chair but Austin easily beats them both up and gives them both Stunners. No referee though but we get a replacement, only for Nash to drop an elbow on his back. The Outsider’s Edge is broken up and Hall is backdropped out to the floor. A bunch of referees come out to eject Nash as Hall sends Austin into the exposed buckle and hits a Stunner of his own (good one too) for two. Austin gets up and they do the EXACT same sequence but switch the people, allowing Austin to hit two Stunners to win it.
Rating: C. Again, much like everything else tonight, this was just a match. There was very little heat on this even though it was one of the better matches of the night. The big problem with most of these matches is that none of them feel special and that’s the case here. I mean….Austin vs. Scott Hall? Maybe four years ago, but in 2002? That doesn’t blow my skirt up.
Axxess video. That still looks awesome.
Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Billy and Chuck vs. APA
Saliva plays the Dudleyz to the ring which gives us the VERY nice image of Stacy in the Dudley attire dancing to the song. I’ve always thought she never looked better than she did in those outfits. Billy and Chuck are defending and this is elimination rules. Bradshaw jumps Chuck to start but Billy saves him from the fallaway slam. Instead it’s Billy taking it as it’s all Bradshaw so far.
A big belly to back suplex puts Chuck down again and it’s off to Faarooq. The crowd is eerily silent for this. Chuck clips Faarooq in the jaw with a right hand and it’s off to Billy for some choking. Billy loads up the Fameasser but gets caught in a wicked powerslam. Back to Bradshaw as things break down a bit. Billy tags in D-Von but the APA breaks up a 3D attempt. Faarooq hits a spinebuster on Chuck on the floor and there’s the big Clothesline to Billy, but Bradshaw walks into the 3D for the elimination.
The Hardys and Dudleys start fighting for old times’ sake before Matt and Jeff start beating on Chuck. The Dudleys load up a table but the Hardys dive on them to slow it up. Back in and there’s the Whisper in the Wind to Bubba. Stacy gets up on the apron and pulls up her shorts to distract Jeff, only to get spanked and kissed. A Bubba Bomb slows down Billy before Bubba chokes on Jeff with his shirt.
Things finally calm down a bit until we get to Jeff vs. Bubba again. With D-Von’s help, Bubba manages a backdrop to put Jeff down again and puts on a chinlock. D-Von comes in and runs over Jeff before pounding away in the corner. A belly to back suplex gets two and it’s back to Bubba. Having a regular tag match between these two is probably the best idea given how lame Billy and Chuck were in the ring. Bubba stands on Jeff’s crotch in the Tree of Woe before tagging in D-Von for some choking.
A clothesline by Jeff allows for the hot tag to Matt, only to see him immediately run over by Bubba. The backsplash misses of course though and Matt tries to speed it up a bit, only to get caught in What’s Up. Before D-Von can dive though, the champions remember they’re in this too and shove D-Von through the table on the floor. Matt pops up and it’s the Twist into the Swanton for the pin on Bubba, leaving us with Billy and Chuck against the Hardys.
A Side Effect puts Billy down and there’s Poetry in Motion for good measure. Chuck gets the same along with a Twist of Fate. Jeff adds in the Swanton but Billy sneaks in with a Fameasser on Jeff but Chuck can only get two off o it. Instead it’s a belt shot to Jeff’s head for the pin by Chuck to FINALLY end this.
Rating: D. This was only thirteen minutes long but MAN ALIVE was this a chore to sit through. There was no need for this to be on the card and everyone from the commentators to the fans had no interest in it. The only good thing about this was how insanely hot Stacy looked. This could have easily been cut and made this already bloated show a bit easier to sit through.
The Outsiders want to beat up Rock to make up for Austin, but Hogan calls them off because he needs to do this by himself. The Outsiders aren’t sure about that but they agree….until Hogan leaves.
Molly tries to leave but gets hit in the face by a door to give Christian the title.
We recap Hogan vs. Rock, which is the real main event of this show. Hogan talked about how he was a legend but then the people turned on him. Rock came out and said that it was Hogan that changed rather than the people. He said Hogan had talked about main headlining Wrestlemania after Wrestlemania, so how does he feel about headlining one more Wrestlemania against the Rock. Hogan said yes and got a Rock Bottom for his trouble.
Then a week later, Hogan hit Rock in the back of the head with a hammer and put him in an ambulance which he then rammed with a semi-truck. Since this is 2002 and one of the dumbest years ever in wrestling, Rock was back the next week. It’s one of those moments that was really REALLY stupid and not needed at all.
Hollywood Hogan vs. The Rock
Both guys get solid pops as this is an old WWF city, which means Hogan could set fire to a kitten orphanage and still be popular. The pre match chants seem to favor Hulk, but here are some Rock fans to counter them. They stare at each other and there’s the loudest pop for an opening bell I can remember. Hogan shoves him down to start and the fans go NUTS. You can tell Hogan is feeling it here. After a quick headlock Hogan runs him over and poses, sending the crowd further into a frenzy.
A clothesline puts Rock down as the crowd is almost completely one sided. Rock comes back with a jumping clothesline and the fans boo him out of the freaking building. Rock says just bring it and knocks Hogan to the floor with some right hands. Back in and Rock loads up the Rock Bottom but Hogan escapes and elbows out of it. He rakes his boot over Rock’s eyes to another big pop. There’s another big HOGAN chant for good measure.
A belly to back suplex gets two for Hulk and there’s an abdominal stretch for good measure. Hulk even adds in a rollup for two before raking Rock’s back. Rock escapes and comes back with some chops in the corner but walks into a chokeslam of all things from Hulk. He sends Rock out to the floor as this is still almost one sided so far. Rock goes face first into the steps and dropped on the barricade for good measure.
Hogan starts loading up the announce table but Rock fights back with right hands. Rock gets a chair but the referee takes it away, allowing Hogan to clothesline Rock down. Back inside and Rock is sent into the referee. Rock comes back with a lame spinebuster and the Sharpshooter. Hulk makes the rope but there’s no referee. Rock pulls him to the middle of the ring but there’s still no referee.
The fans just lay into Rock now with the Rocky Sucks chants as he checks on the referee. Hogan hits him low though and gets a pretty freaking good Rock Bottom for two. Hogan takes off his weightlifting belt to whip Rock’s back but Rock comes back with a DDT. There’s the Rock Bottom but Hogan HULKS UP. The fans absolutely lose their minds now as Hogan shakes his finger and hits the big boot, but the legdrop only gets two. Another big boot hits but the second legdrop misses. There’s the Rock Bottom again and a third for good mesaure. Rock nips up and hits the People’s Elbow to end it.
Rating: B. This is a hard one to grade but I think it’s a lot like the Hogan vs. Warrior match in the same building: the crowd carries it to a much higher level than it deserves to be at which is just fine. The crowd was completely eating up the nostalgia and there’s nothing at all wrong with that. Hogan would get one of the longest ovations in history the next night in Montreal and those two reactions were enough to put the world title on him for a month soon after this. It wasn’t the best idea in the world, but given those reactions I can understand why they did it. This was a very fun match and should have been the main event.
Post match they stare each other down with Hogan holding his ribs. Hogan extends his hand and Rock gladly shakes it. Hulk lets Rock pose but here are the Outsiders. They yell at Hogan and beat him down, but Rock runs back in for the save. Hall and Nash are dispatched and Rock and Hogan stand tall, apparently having made up after Hogan HIT ROCK WITH A HAMMER AND CRUSHING HIM WITH A SEMITRUCK. Rock has Hogan pose for the fans after the match in another nostalgia moment.
Big Show is at WWF New York.
We get the attendance record announcement: 68,237, breaking the record (presumably) held by Wrestlemania VI by about 600 people.
Women’s Title: Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus
Jazz is defending as these three get the death spot after that last match. Trish looks GREAT in a Canadian Maple Leaf themed outfit as the hometown girl. Jazz gets double teamed to start as you can hear the crowd not caring at all. Jazz comes back almost immediately with a half crab on Trish and the double chickenwing on Lita. A kick to Trish’s ample chest sends her out to the floor but Lita pounds on the champion to take over.
A Cena spinning powerbomb gets two on Jazz but she isn’t interested in being on defense that long. She loads Lita up for a superplex but Trish breaks it up with an electric chair for two. All three are back in now and Lita gets a weak clothesline to put Jazz down. Trish loads up Stratusfaction but Jazz breaks it up and gets two off a splash on Lita. A release fisherman’s suplex gets two on Trish as Jerry lists off countries the show is airing in. Jazz is knocked to the floor so we can have the brawl that people actually care about.
A bad looking backdrop puts Trish down but Jazz comes back in, only to walk into the Twist of Fate. Lita teases taking her top off but tries a moonsault instead, only hitting Trish’s knees. Trish chops at Lita but they collide coming out of the corner. Lita sends Jazz to the floor and breaks up a Stratusfaction attempt by sending Trish to the floor. Lita goes up but gets crotched, allowing Jazz to hit a fisherman’s buster off the middle rope on Lita to retain.
Rating: D-. Trish looked great and Lita wasn’t bad either, but DEAR GOODNESS no one cared about Jazz. For the life of me I don’t get why Trish didn’t win the title here. She would eventually take the title off Jazz in like a month. On Raw. In Toronto. You know, not HERE AT WRESTLEMANIA IN TORONTO.
Maven jumps Christian as he leaves and steals the title again, finally ending this stupid joke.
WWF World Title: HHH vs. Chris Jericho
HHH won the Rumble to get this show. Drowning Pool does HHH’s entrance and it SUCKS. That’s meant to be an old school rock song, not a bad metal version. The big story here is that HHH got tired of his wife Stephanie being all annoying and saying she could do whatever she wanted because anyone that opposed her would have to deal with HHH so he yelled at her, sending her over to Jericho. If you actually believe Jericho has anything resembling a chance here, I feel sorry for you. He does get a face pop though. Oh and HHH’s repaired quad is “hanging by a thread”.
Stephanie starts screeching as soon as the bell rings. Jericho takes him to the corner to start and bends the leg around the rope to a bit of an effect. HHH fires back with some right hands and the fans don’t seem to care. A backdrop puts Jericho down as does a clothesline. HHH comes back with the jumping knee to the face but hurts the bad leg in the process.
Jericho hits a backdrop to send HHH to the outside as they’re getting close to plodding territory. The champion spends too much time posing and is sent into the barricade for his troubles. A suplex on the floor lays out Jericho but HHH takes too much time loading up the announce table, allowing the champion to kick the bad leg out. Back inside now and HHH gets all CEREBRAL BABY and goes after Jericho’s leg.
After a good look at Stephanie’s rocking cleavage, there’s a figure four by HHH. Stephanie digs her nails into HHH’s eyes to break it up though, causing HHH to go after her. Jericho charges into Stephanie by mistake and into the ring she goes. HHH loads up the Pedigree on his wife but Jericho hits a missile dropkick to break it up. HHH’s leg is wrapped around the post a few times and Stephanie kicks him in the leg for good measure.
Back in again and Jericho cranks on the leg. The match isn’t bad so far but it’s doing nothing to draw my interest. The leg is wrapped around the post again and there’s the Figure Four around the post (on the correct leg and everything!) for good measure. Back in and HHH is taken down to the mat to stop a comeback bid before Jericho puts on an Indian Deathlock. HHH finally kicks Jericho away, sending him shoulder first into the post.
There’s a neckbreaker to Chris but he’s up first anyway. A clothesline gets two for HHH as Stephanie cheers for Jericho. The facebuster puts HHH down but he hurts his own leg again. The spinebuster gets two for HHH but Jericho is still up first. HHH is sent over the corner and out to the floor where Jericho loads up the announce table again. Jericho tries to put him in the Walls on the announce table ala the night HHH tore his quad but HHH fights out. Instead he loads up a Pedigree but Jericho backdrops him through the other table.
Back in and Jericho hits the Lionsault for two and there are the Walls for good measure. Jericho pulls him away from the ropes so HHH crawls again to make them. Stephanie offers a distraction so Jericho can bring in a chair but HHH counters with a DDT onto said chair. The crowd is DEAD for this. Stephanie comes in for no apparent reason and we finally get to see HHH Pedigree her. A chair shot to the head puts HHH down for two so Jericho loads up a Pedigree of his own. That gets countered into a slingshot and the real Pedigree gives HHH the title back.
Rating: C+. The match itself was ok but the crowd really drags it down. The problem with this match is that it went on after EVERYTHING else tonight and everyone is so freaking tired that no one cared. It didn’t help that HHH might have been a more obvious winner than Austin four years ago so we had to sit through 19 minutes until we got to the clear finish. The match itself was nothing special either. It was Jericho kicking him in the leg for the whole match before HHH escaped the Walls and hitting the Pedigree to win it. The match isn’t bad, but it’s completely lacking anything memorable.
HHH celebrates to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. FINALLY this is over. This is a show that collapsed under its own weight. Nothing on here other than Rock vs. Hogan is memorable at all and even worse, nothing else felt like it belonged at Wrestlemania. The show was lacking the emotion that it needed and you could tell the crowd wasn’t interested. It certainly isn’t a horrible show, but it’s dying to have about 45 minutes cut off. Do that and this is WAY easier to sit through. There’s a very big difference between something being bad and something being dull, and this was much more on the dull side.
Ratings Comparison
Rob Van Dam vs. William Regal
Original: C
Redo: B-
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Christian
Original: D+
Redo: C
Maven vs. Goldust
Original: N/A
Redo: N/A
Kurt Angle vs. Kane
Original: C+
Redo: C-
Undertaker vs. Ric Flair
Original: B
Redo: C
Edge vs. Booker T
Original: C
Redo: D+
Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall
Original: D
Redo: C
Billy and Chuck vs. APA vs. Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys
Original: F
Redo: D
Rock vs. Hollywood Hogan
Original: C+
Redo: B
Jazz vs. Trish Stratus vs. Lita
Original: F+
Redo: D-
HHH vs. Chris Jericho
Original: C+
Redo: C+
Overall Rating
Original: C
Redo: C-
I went back and forth a lot on that one but it still came out about the same. That’s intersting.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Wrestlemania Count-Up – Wrestlemania XVII: Holy Repo Man on a Stick This Show is Great
Wrestlemania XVII Date: April 1, 2001
Location: Astrodome, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 67,925
Commentators: Jim Ross, Paul Heyman
After putting up with last year’s mess, this is my reward. Many people including myself consider this to be the greatest wrestling show of all time and I can’t say I argue that point whatsoever. It’s a four hour spectacular headlined by the main event to end all main events for this era: Austin vs. Rock II for the world title. Other matches on the card include HHH vs. Undertaker for the first time along with TLC II, Angle vs. Benoit and Vince vs. Shane to FINALLY end their drama. I’m getting antsy now so let’s get to it.
The opening video is a history of Wrestlemania along with shots of people around the world watching it. This includes a couple watching it in the back of a car. What kind of a portable TV can get a PPV feed? Anyway this is an awesome video that makes Wrestlemania seem like a worldwide event that everyone can get into. That’s an awesome idea and the video makes it work.
Intercontinental Title: Chris Jericho vs. William Regal
Jericho is defending and this is a result of him not liking Commissioner Regal’s regime. Basically he thinks Regal is boring and therefore relieved himself in Regal’s teapot. Regal responded by having the RTC and the Dudleys beat up Jericho on various nights. Jericho came back by dressing up by Doink for no apparent reason and putting Regal in the Walls of Jericho.
Regal pounds away to start but Jericho forearms him out to the floor. There’s a big dive by the champion to take Regal down before he drops Sweet Willy B on the barricade. Back inside and a jumping back elbow off the top puts Regal down again before they head to the mat. Jericho tries for the Walls but Regal escapes and sends the still injured shoulder (from the aforementioned beatdowns) of Jericho into the post. A quick suplex gets two for Regal and it’s back to the arm.
Jericho comes back with an elbow but Regal takes him down with a rollup for two more. Another suplex puts Jericho down again but Regal can’t keep him down. The fans start cheering for Jericho as Regal takes off a turnbuckle pad. The referee is ok with this for some reason as Jericho’s shoulder goes into the steel. Jericho comes back with a pair of enziguris before a middle rope missile dropkick gets two.
Jericho misses a charge in the corner and nearly hits the post head first. In a surprising move, Regal goes up top for a butterfly superplex which gets a delayed two. Jericho trips the legs and tries the Walls again but the shoulder gives out, allowing Regal to hook the Regal Stretch (STF with a half nelson) but Jericho makes the rope. Jericho fights back again but gets kicked in the shoulder, only to send Regal into the exposed buckle and hit the Lionsault to retain. That was a really sudden ending and JR sounded surprised so maybe it was called on the fly.
Rating: B-. This was exactly what an opener was supposed to be: fast paced, hard hitting and it told a good story. They beat on each other for seven minutes straight with nothing of note looking bad. The idea of the shoulder injury was a perfectly fine story to keep the match going and the Regal Stretch worked for a climax. This was a really good opener and it hit every point it was supposed to hit.
Shane McMahon in his WCW-1 limo shows up. He bought WCW on Monday, setting the stage for the Alliance.
Bradshaw is worried about Taz not being here for their match so he goes on one heck of a rant about how awesome Texas is before going on about how THIS IS WRESTLEMANIA.
Right to Censor vs. APA/Taz
The RTC is a censorship group with Val Venis, Goodfather and Bull Buchanan with Steven Richards outside. They censor stuff, the other three don’t like it, let’s fight. Oh and Jackie is with the good guys but no one cares about her. It’s a big brawl to start with the RTC getting destroyed very quickly. We start with Faarooq vs. Buchanan with Bull hitting the climb the rope clothesline for an early two. Off to Taz who gets kicked in the head and triple teamed by RTC.
Venis comes in with some knees to the ribs for two before it’s off to Goodfather. He continues the destruction of Taz including the non-Ho Train for no cover. There’s the hot tag to Bradshaw as the beating shifts. Venis gets caught in the fallaway slam as everything breaks down. A double spinebuster crushes Venis and there’s a belly to back superplex for good measure. Goodfather misses a charge in the corner and Bradshaw kills him dead with the Clothesline for the pin.
Rating: C-. This is pretty easily the worst match of the show and it’s certainly not bad at all. This was short and almost sweet which is what it was supposed to be. The idea here was to have the censors get beaten up by the Texan and give the fans a good feeling which is exactly what happened. Not a good match or anything but it’s completely watchable.
Trish wheels in the comatose Linda to be in attendance for Vince destroying Shane later. Your McMahon Drama Recap of the Night: Vince is screwing Trish while Linda has been medicated to the point where she can’t move while Stephanie is being Daddy’s Little Girl. Stephanie tells Trish to be ready for the celebration post match and Trish is perfectly fine with this. Yep, perfectly.
Hardcore Title: Raven vs. Big Show vs. Kane
Raven is defending and brings out a shopping cart of goodies with him. Before Show is here, Raven tries to jump Kane for no apparent reason. My guess would be drug related mental issues but that’s just speculation. Show makes the LONG walk down the aisle, only to have Raven tossed over the top rope and down onto him. Raven is easily caught so Kane dives off the top and takes them both out, getting two on Kane.
We head into the crowd with Show never getting into the ring and the brawl is on. Bird Boy’s philosophy seems to be let the monsters brawl and sneak in some shots where he can. A street sign to Kane’s head staggers him, only for Kane to throw Raven nearly through a wall. Show chases Raven away and tries to lock themselves into a kind of storage area. Kane will have none of that and breaks the door down to keep beating up Big Show.
Raven tries to choke Kane with a gardening hose but Kane basically lassos him with it before throwing Raven through the window of a small office. Show knocks Kane through the office door before they brawl through the wall between the offices. Raven stomps away before stealing a golf cart, only to have Big Show jump on the back.
Kane steals one of his own and brings the referee along on the chase. According to Raven, there was supposed to be a chase scene around the arena but it never happened. Also they almost hit some cables that would have cut the power to the entire stadium, which would have been awesome and awful at the same time. They fight to the catering area and the Snapple is destroyed, much to Heyman’s chagrin.
Now we head back up the steps to the stage where Kane goes nuts on Big Show, only to get clotheslined back down. Show loads up a gorilla press on Raven but Kane kicks them both off the stage. A legdrop from Kane onto Show is enough for the pin and the title in a crushed part of the set.
Rating: C+. This is a fun hardcore match with the cool brawling spots mixed with the fun and goofy stuff which is how you make for a good hardcore match. These kind of matches were rare, but for the most part this was a more serious kind of Hardcore Title match, which usually makes things better. Kane would hold the title for awhile before it fell back into the goofy style.
Angle tells Edge and Christian that he didn’t tap out to Benoit because there wasn’t an official bell or an official referee, so it wasn’t an official tap out. The Canadians slowly walk away.
Jimmy Snuka is at WWF New York.
A fan from Australia is here. That’s rather cool.
The Rock arrives, 40 minutes into the show.
European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test
Test is defending and Eddie has the Perry Saturn with him. Eddie tries to jump him to start but gets thrown around by the pure power of the champion. A spinning powerbomb gets two for Test and they head to the floor almost immediately. Back in and Eddie gets in a shot to take over before pounding away in the corner. The champion comes back with a clothesline for two before heading up top.
While up there though Test has to counter a hurricanrana before hitting a jumping back elbow to the face for two. A big boot from the champion misses Eddie though, causing Test’s ankle to be caught in the rope. The match has to stop for a second to get him loose because Eddie can’t pin him while in the ropes. Eddie stomps away on the leg on the floor a bit before heading back inside to work on it in the ring.
Off to a sleeper by Guerrero now as the fans seem to be getting a bit bored. Test fights out of it after a few moments and hits the tilt-a-whirl slam to put both guys down. Another tilt-a-whirl ends in a powerbomb for two for Test but Eddie kicks him low to break up a full nelson slam. Saturn slips in while the referee is yelling at Eddie for the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Credenza (a swinging neckbreaker), giving Eddie a two count.
Test gets back up and hits a pumphandle powerslam for two before kicking Saturn’s head off. Eddie gets kicked as well but they have to wait for Dean Malenko to come down for his run-in, causing a stupid looking (fits Test perfectly) pause. As Test beats up Dean, Eddie gets the title belt and hits the champ with it for the pin and the title.
Rating: D+. Again, if this is the worst match I have to watch, I’m going to be perfectly fine with this. Test was fine here with Eddie doing almost all of the work and making things as simple for Test as possible. It’s pretty dull stuff but another Texan winning isn’t going to hurt things at all, especially with it just being for the lower midcard title.
Mick Foley promises to call the street fight fairly.
Austin is here, 55 minutes late.
Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
On his way to the ring, Angle rips on Texas for various reasons, primarily the lone star flag. Oh and cowboy hats are stupid. This match was made on Raw because neither guy had anything to do for Wrestlemania. It’s as simple as it sounds, but do you need anything more than that for this pairing? Angle still insists that he didn’t tap out to Benoit on Raw. Heyman: “This is as excited as a man can get with his clothes on.”
Angle takes it to the mat to start which is fine with Benoit as the struggle begins. Benoit sits out and it’s a standoff, drawing a nice ovation from the crowd. It worked so well before that they do it again, drawing a bigger ovation this time. Angle hits a kind of suplex to take it to the mat for a third time but Benoit sits out again as they fight for position. They roll into the ropes for another break and the fans are pleased yet again.
Benoit takes it to the mat again and tries the Crossface, sending Angle into the safety of the ropes. Kurt bails to the floor for a breather as he isn’t sure what to do with Benoit here. Back in and Angle has to get to a rope to escape another Crossface attempt. Angle blasts Benoit with a right hand to shift the style and momentum here as they head outside. Benoit goes first into the announce table and shoulder first into the steps to keep Kurt in control.
Back in and Angle gets two off a belly to back suplex. A belly to belly gets no cover by Kurt and neither does the second one Angle hits in a row. Benoit comes back with a clothesline as the only advantage of the match so far is gone. Benoit starts slugging away in the corner before hitting a knee to Angle’s ribs. A back elbow to Angle’s face gets two as does a snap suplex ala Dynamite Kid. Benoit follows up with a superplex and holds his neck afterwards. He would be about three months from neck surgery that put him out for over a year.
Speaking of neck injuring suplexes, Benoit rolls some Germans but Angle rolls through the third one into the ankle lock. Benoit escapes that into an ankle lock of his own for good measure. The stealing finishers was one of Angle’s major deals so this shouldn’t be a surprise. Benoit tries the Crossface but Angle blocks it from going on full. Angle puts Benoit in the Crossface for good measure but Benoit gets a foot on the ropes.
Angle accidentally charges into the referee, just before Benoit puts Angle in the Crossface for an unseen tap out. Benoit releases the hold and gets caught in the Angle Slam for two. Angle’s moonsault hits Benoit’s knees, allowing Benoit to go up for the Swan Dive. That gets two, but Angle rolls through and hooks the tights for the win.
Rating: B+. It’s Angle vs. Benoit at Wrestlemania. Did you expect this to be anything less than awesome? This wasn’t as good as their masterpiece at the 2003 Rumble, but it would be a match of the year candidate on any other show. That’s what you expect from these two though, and this is an excellent match that is overshaddowed by the rematches they would have later.
William Regal is annoyed at Michael Cole but walks into his office to see Kamala standing on his desk and rubbing the picture of Queen Elizabeth on his stomach. It’s as disturbing as it sounds.
We get a video from the Wrestlemania pep rally at Fort Hood in Texas with a bunch of wrestlers and Divas. There was a parade and the commander got a chair. The WWE people got plaques and Lita looks so unimpressed it’s unreal. Angle of course would rather have a medal. This was pretty cool.
Angle says he won but Benoit jumps him and puts on another Crossface, making Kurt tap again.
We recap Chyna hurting her neck and then coming back as a Playboy cover girl. This doesn’t sit well with the RTC, who injured her neck in the first place. Tonight it’s Ivory vs. Chyna for the Women’s Title again, but this is more about revenge than the title.
Women’s Title: Chyna vs. Ivory
For one of the only times ever, Chyna looks great here. Ivory holds the belt to her face before the bell, but the referee is shoved away to let Ivory hit Chyna in the back with said title. Ivory gets in a few more shots but Chyna catches a boot in the corner. The destruction begins and Ivory is beaten down in the corner. A powerbomb kills Ivory dead but Chyna pulls her up at two. Instead it’s a gorilla press slam for the pin and the title. Chyna would bail on the company about a month later without ever losing the title.
Vince gives Trish some instructions about Linda tonight, making sure that Linda won’t be brought out until Shane is totally immobile. Cole comes in to ask about Monday night so Vince promises something shocking tonight.
We recap Vince demanding a divorce from Linda while openly having an affair with Trish. Linda had a breakdown so Vince had her medicated to the point that she was basically a vegetable. Shane returned to destroy Vince and challenged him to a match at Wrestlemania. Vince said ok but there were bigger things to take care of.
On March 26, Vince appeared on Nitro saying that he had bought his competition. At the end of the broadcast though, Shane appeared as well, saying that he had bought WCW when Vince had waited too long. Vince had wanted to sign the contracts here at Mania, allowing Shane to swoop in and steal it. I’m thinking that’s not legal, but it’s wrestling so how much sense does it need to make?
Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon
This is a street fight of course with Mick Foley as guest referee. Shane has some WCW “stars” in a private box. You can see Shawn Stasiak, Stacy Keibler and I think Bobby Eaton up there. Stephanie is here with Vince but Trish and Linda are being saved for later. Vince slaps Shane and we’re ready to go in a hurry. Shane gets pounded down in the corner but comes back with a spear and a bunch of elbow drops.
Stephanie gets in the ring and slaps Shane in the face, causing a chase sequence. Shane stops to hit Vince in the head with a sign before beating him over an over in the back. A clothesline off the barricade puts Vince down again before Shane whips him into the barricade. Shane blasts him in the back with a kendo stick over and over before peppering him with left jabs and a big right cross. Other than the brief flurry to start this is all Shane.
A monitor shot to Vince’s head knocks him out so Shane can put him on the announce table. For the big spot of the match, Shane loads up the top rope elbow through the table but Stephanie pulls Vince away, sending Shane crashing through the table. Here come Trish and Linda with Linda completely sedated. Vince wakes up and sees them there so Trish helps him to his feet, with an AMAZING cleavage shot.
Trish surprises everyone by slapping Vince, turning face in the process. Stephanie goes after Trish, triggering a catfight in the ring. Mick pulls Stephanie off of Trish, only to get slapped in the face for his efforts. Stephanie runs from Trish and does the worst looking fall in the history of bad looking falls to let Trish catch up before leaving the arena. Back at ringside Vince wakes up and calls his wife a very bad name but Foley stops any potential domestic violence. Vince is fine with that and blasts Mick in the back with a chair.
The oldest McMahon puts Linda into the ring as Shane is still out cold. Linda is sat in the corner of the ring in a chair as Vince throws Shane back into the ring. Now it’s time for four garbage cans to be thrown in as well so Shane can get beaten up yet again. Vince picks up the third can but as he takes too long, Linda stands up to an ERUPTION from the crowd. She kicks Vince between the legs to stun him, allowing Foley to come in and beat the tar out of the owner of the company. Mick knocks Vince down in the corner and Shane hits the Coast to Coast dropkick, sending a garbage can into Vince’s face for the academic pin.
Rating: B. All things considered, this was excellent. This is what you call intricate storytelling with at least five feuds/stories (Vince vs. Shane, Vince vs. Mick, Vince vs. Linda, Stephanie vs. Linda, Trish’s turn) being blown off in one single match. On top of that, the match wasn’t that bad with some decent bumps considering that they’re both non-wrestlers. The drama was the key here though and it worked REALLY well.
The Hardys aren’t sure if any of the three teams will ever be the same after TLC II.
HHH and Undertaker are getting ready. To this day I still want one of those X7 baseball jerseys. They were AWESOME.
Tag Titles: Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian
The Dudleys are the champions coming in. There’s no story to it, but was there ever to one of these things? Edge and Christian get double teamed to start and the Dudleyz hit a double flapjack on Christian. Both sets of Boys fight in the corner with Jeff hitting Poetry in Motion on both at once. Cue Edge and Christian again with the ladder before Edge brings in a chair. The Canadians put Matt in the Tree of Woe and stand on his crotch. No wonder Lita left him for Edge.
Edge stats to climb but Matt makes the stop and goes up himself. That goes badly for him of course as Edge uses the chair as a stepping stone to take Matt down with a clothesline. Jeff dropkicks Edge off the ladder before joining with his brother to dropkick a ladder into the Dudleys’ faces. There are two ladders in the ring now in opposite corners. Christian is slammed down and hit with a stereo splash/legdrop from the Hardys. The Dudleys are back in now and there’s What’s Up.
It’s Table Time with Edge being placed on the first one, but Jeff tries a hurricanrana to Bubba, only to be powerbombed through Edge through the table. This is nonstop action so far. The Dudleys set up four tables at ringside as Paul tells us of Big Daddy Dudley’s construction company in Dudleyville. Currently there’s a table in the corner and three ladders in the ring. Bubba picks up a ladder and CRACKS Matt in the head with it before setting it up next to the other two. All three are set up in a row in the middle of the ring so here’s a six way climb.
Matt and Christian go flying first with Matt landing on the ropes and Christian falling all the way to the floor. Jeff and D-Von fall into the opposite ropes and Edge and Bubba fall backwards, to put all six guys down. Edge is the only one halfway standing and Christian sets up a table on the floor. Bubba dumps a ladder to the floor to clear the ring out a bit as Spike Dudley, Bubba and D-Von’s cousin, runs in. He hits Edge low and puts Christian through a table with the Dudley Dog off the apron.
Edge and Christian’s friend Rhyno runs in and destroys everyone in sight before sending Edge up the ladder to get the belts. Cue Lita to jerk Edge off. The ladder. Anyway with the thong sticking WAY out, Rhyno picks her up but gets hit low by Spike. Lita goes up for a rana on Rhyno and Spike cracks him in the head with a chair, sending Rhyno into the ladder, knocking Edge into the ropes. A Doomsday Device puts Rhyno down again but Lita CRACKS Spike in the head with a chair. She then takes off her top, giving us the biggest pop of the night. Not that it matters as she walks into a 3D and is now done for the match.
The Canadians come back in with chairs to take the champions out before Christian brings out the huge ladder. It’s on the floor but it’s still taller than the ones in the ring. Jeff, ever the crazy man, goes ALL THE WAY to the top and hits a Swanton onto Spike and Rhyno (read as Rhyno barely gets hit and Spike takes every bit of it). The super ladder is set up in the ring now and it’s a race between D-Von and Christian. Matt moves the ladder away, leaving both guys hanging from the cord holding the belts.
Both guys fall down, but Jeff gets up on a regular ladder and tries to walk on the other small ladders like a tightrope. Jeff loses his balance though and has to hang from the cord as well. Bubba grabs the ladder and walks away with it while Jeff’s feet are still in it, pulling Jeff’s body back. The feet pull away and Jeff swings forward, right into a spear from Edge off the super ladder, drawing a BIG gasp from the crowd. That’s the spot that made everyone realize Edge was going to be something VERY special.
Matt and Bubba go up on the super ladder, but Rhyno shoves it over, sending them crashing through the four tables at ringside. D-Von goes up now but Edge grabs his feet, allowing Rhyno to give Christian enough of a boost to beat D-Von to the top and get the titles, finally ending this carnage.
Rating: A+. If you’re looking for pure insanity and non-stop violence, this is the pinnacle of the genre. These nine people went for over fifteen minutes and never once stopped beating on each other. The spots are insane and the big spots still have you in awe. This match holds up incredibly well and is just as impressive as it was twelve years ago. Absolute masterpiece that blows away every MITB match that I can remember.
Video on Axxess. I need to go to that someday.
We get the all time attendance record announcement: 67,925. That’s AWESOME.
Now for the fun part of the show to give the fans a chance to breathe. Here are MEAN FREAKING GENE OKERLUND and Bobby Heenan to do commentary for the next match.
Gimmick Battle Royal
Luke, Butch, Duke Droese, Iron Sheik, Earthquake, The Goon, Doink, Kamala, Kimchee, Repo Man, Jim Cornette, Nikolai Volkoff, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang (He couldn’t fit into the Akeem gear), Gobbledy Gooker (complete with video from Survivor Series 1990), Tugboat, Hillbilly Jim (biggest reaction of the entrants), Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter
Take eighteen of the goofiest gimmicks of all time, throw them in a match, have fun. I thought this was awesome when I was 13 and it’s still awesome to this day. The entrances take nearly three times longer than the match but that’s beside the point. Repo Man is put out in about two seconds as is the Gooker. Quake puts Tugboat out before Kamala throws him out as well.
People are thrown out right and left with Doink being eliminated to a chorus of booing. The final four are Brother Love, Slaughter, Hillbilly Jim and the Sheik. Within about 12 seconds it’s down to Sheik and Jim with Sheik winning because he can’t go over the top to the floor. This was like three minutes long and it worked just fine all things considered. Slaughter puts Sheik in the Cobra Clutch post match.
We recap HHH vs. Undertaker. HHH beat Austin at No Way Out and then said there was nobody left for him to beat, so here came the Dead Man. HHH jumped him from behind and choked him with a chair a week later. Taker came back with a pipe, earning himself a restraining order from Stephanie.
There was no restraining order against Undertaker’s brother Kane though, so he kidnapped Stephanie and threatened to throw her off a balcony unless Taker got a one on one match with HHH at Wrestlemania. HHH responded by destroying Undertaker’s motorcycle. Taker called the ring his yard, giving HHH the great line of “Your yard is in the middle of his world.” This was the match I was looking forward to more than any other on the card.
HHH vs. Undertaker
Taker gets to do his long bike ride down the aisle, meaning he can speed it way up, which looks pretty awesome. I use that word a lot in this but it’s true. The fight starts on the floor with HHH losing a slugout. They break ANOTHER Spanish announce table with Taker still pounding away. We get in the ring for the opening bell where HHH hitting the jumping knee to the face. Taker has no interest in selling that though and pounds on HHH in the corner even more.
A big backdrop puts HHH down as do some clotheslines in the corner. Taker powerslams the Game down and there’s the jumping clothesline to do it again. HHH breaks up Old School though and hits a neckbreaker for two. A few elbows to Taker’s neck have him in even more trouble and there’s a neckbreaker for two. See what psychology is like? It’s not that hard. Taker comes back with rapid fire punches but gets caught in a facebuster.
HHH goes to the floor and gets the sledgehammer but the referee takes it away from him. Instead HHH loads up a Pedigree but gets catapulted into the referee, crushing him in the process. There’s a chokeslam to HHH but the referee is slow to count, meaning it only gets two. Taker beats up the referee to knock him out cold before throwing HHH out to the floor. HHH is backdropped into the crowd and the brawl is on. Taker punches him up to the tech area which is a very rare sight.
HHH tries to climb away to escape, but he climbs up higher and higher. Taker catches him anyway and pounds him in the head before sending him up to the next level. HHH finds a chair and blasts him ten straight times about the head and body. He loads up another shot to the head but Taker grabs him by the throat and chokeslams HHH off the tower onto something we can’t see. It winds up being a crash pad but the throw looked GREAT. Taker wants more and drops an elbow off the tower down onto HHH for good measure.
Before HHH can be taken to the back by EMTs, Taker beats him up even more and even knocks down the medics. We head back to the ring where the referee hasn’t moved for six minutes and hasn’t been looked at whatsoever. Back to the ring with HHH basically dead. Taker picks up the sledgehammer but HHH kicks him low to save his life. A big boot to the face of HHH takes him down though and it’s time for a slugout.
HHH loads up a Tombstone but since he’s not Kane (or Sid apparently, Taker easily counters into one of his own. There’s STILL no referee though as he’s been out cold for ten minutes (from a kick in the back and an elbow drop mind you). Taker finally shakes him back to life before loading up the Last Ride. HHH grabs the sledgehammer though and knocks Undertaker silly with it…..for two. I lost my mind on that kickout back in the day.
Taker is busted open and HHH is having a fit. The Game pounds away at the cut in the corner but makes the fatal mistake of going to the middle rope for more leverage, allowing Taker to grab the Last Ride to plant HHH and make himself 9-0 at Wrestlemania. Taker lays on the ropes after the match and the shot of him busted open but smiling is sweet.
Rating: A. This is one of the great matches that no one talks about for various reasons ranging from their rematches to the match that immediately followed it. It’s absolutely great though with both guys beating the tar out of each other and some excellent drama on the near falls. This was the match that made sure you knew Taker was still a player while keeping HHH strong at the same time. Great fight.
Some fan won a contest here because of a poster.
As JR says, the time is upon us.
We recap Austin vs. Rock II which is summed up by one line from Austin: “The fact is Rock, you got the WWF Title and I want it.” This is backed up by the mother of all hype videos, set to My Way by Limp Bizkit. I’m not a fan of their music but this video is AMAZING. Debra was originally involved but thankfully that was dropped after about eight seconds. This was the best kind of build there was: take two superstars who seemingly cannot lose and put them together in a title match. These two beat on each other for months on end until this night arrived.
WWF World Title: Steve Austin vs. The Rock
Heyman says this is the match that both men need to win and neither man can afford to lose. Right before the entrances, Fink tells us that this is now No DQ, which is a surprise to everyone. Austin’s pop is awe inspiring as the face absolutely lose their minds at his entrance. Rock gets a VERY mixed reaction as Austin is a folk hero here in Texas. The brawl is on immediately and Austin hits the Thesz Press and middle finger elbow, only to be taken down by a swinging neckbreaker. The Rock Bottom and Stunner are countered and Austin throws Rock to the floor. We’re maybe 45 seconds in at this point.
They fight into the crowd with Rock taking over with more right hands. Back to ringside with Austin hitting a clothesline to put Rock down before adjusting his knee brace for a bit. They’re back in the ring now with Austin hitting a running crotch attack in 619 position followed by a superplex for the first two count of the match. Austin takes off the turnbuckle pad and pounds away to A LOT of booing from the crowd. A back elbow gets two for Rock before he clotheslines Austin to the floor.
They fight over to the announce table with Austin coming back with a bell shot to the face. Rock is knocked onto the announce table which breaks a few seconds later. We head back inside for Austin to pound away to even more pops from the crowd. Rock comes back with right hands but Austin drops both him and a leg for two. Rock is busted open and Austin chokes away in the corner. Austin stops to yell at the referee and gets his head taken off by a lariat from Rock.
The champion pounds away with right hands before getting the bell. It goes upside the head of the also bloody Austin but only gets two. We’re at the point now where the pinfall attempts get more and more intense. Rock keeps pounding away but Austin won’t stay down. Back to the floor with Austin firing off more fists as JR is in all his glory calling it. A slingshot sends Rock head first into the post and man did he BOUNCE off that thing. Back inside and Rock scoops the legs for the Sharpshooter in a call back to WM 13 where Austin is dripping blood while in the hold. He makes the rope this time though and we keep going.
Rock flips Austin off, earning himself a Sharpshooter from Austin. Well there’s a twist. It’s a terrible Sharpshooter but it gets the job done. Rock powers out though with blood dripping in between his teeth, again ala Mania 13. Back to the Sharpshooter on Rock but he makes the rope this time to escape again. Austin busts out the Million Dollar Dream of all things and the bloody Rock is in trouble. Rock fights up though and we get another callback to a Bret vs. Austin masterpiece with Rock climbing the rope and backflipping onto Austin for two, making him break the hold in the process.
Out of nowhere Rock hits a Stunner on Austin but he can’t follow up. It eventually gets two…and here’s Vince. Austin’s whip spienbuster gets two but he walks into one by Rock which sets up the People’s Elbow. Vince breaks it up though by pulling Rock off Austin, earning himself a death stare from the champion. Now we know something is afoot given the history between Vince and Austin. Rock chases Vince but runs into a Rock Bottom from Austin for another very close two.
The Stunner is countered and Hebner is knocked to the floor, allowing Austin to hit a low blow. Vince brings in a chair and clocks Rock with it on Austin’s instructions, getting another delayed two count. Now the fans are cheering for Rock a lot more but aren’t as pleased when Rock hits a Rock Bottom out of nowhere. Vince gets pulled into the ring for a beatdown but it’s a Stunner to Rock for only two. That probably should have been the finish, but instead Austin gets the chair and gives Rock the mother of all beatdowns with it, hitting him SIXTEEN TIMES. Rock is DEAD and Austin covers the body for the pin and the title.
Rating: A+. Yes there’s kind of weak ending, yes there were some lame points, but it’s Rock vs. Austin II for the world title in the main event of Wrestlemania. This is a masterpiece by definition alone. I think I might be the only person on the planet that likes this turn still, but it was in front of the wrong crowd. If this was ANY other state in the country it would have been booed like there was no tomorrow, but instead gets cheered, which is where the problem came from. Still though, excellent match and worthy of being the main event of the greatest show ever.
Vince and Austin shake hands, officially ending the Attitude Era. Beer is consumed and Rock is hit with the belt one more time for good measure.
Overall Rating: A++. It’s the greatest show of all time. Normally I would say if there was a rating higher than an A+ it would get that, so now there’s a rating of A++ for this show and this show alone. With a mind blowing four matches at B+ or higher and absolutely nothing bad at all, how can this not be the best show ever? I’ve seen this show several dozen times and it doesn’t get old no matter how many times I see it. It’s still excellent and needs to be seen by all fans.
Remember to follow me on Twitter @kbreviews and pick up the History of the WWE’s Big Four Pay Per Views, now in PAPERBACK. Check out the information here:
Promotion of the year? Just making sure. This is AMAZING and proof that WWE knows how to be funny. The best sign that it’s well done: I really couldn’t tell who was who at first. That’s impressive when you watch these guys so often.
Impact Wrestling – March 16, 2017: Can We Make It Good First?
Impact Wrestling Date: March 16, 2017
Location: Impact Zone, Orlando, Florida
Commentators: Jeremy Borash, Josh Matthews, D’Angelo Dinero
Take two. Last week’s relaunch of Impact Wrestling didn’t get the best reception but it should be interesting to see where things go this week. The big story coming out of last week is Alberto El Patron winning the World Title, only to vacate it due to the controversial way in which he won the belt. Let’s get to it.
We open with a recap of last week’s show. I think it might have used to work with WWE and it remembers when things were great before the fans left. The World Title gets more focus than anything else with Josh talking over everything a close second.
Opening sequence.
Here’s Alberto for a chat. He loves it here because he doesn’t need to pretend to be something he’s not. Here he can be El Patron and THIS IS HIS HOUSE (that’s one way to get Paige to break up with you). Last week he proved to everyone that he deserves to be the champion. He’s not here to be a talker though because he’d rather fight. That means a challenge to Lashley but it’s Ethan Carter III instead. Ethan knows how difficult it was to relinquish that title but if Alberto wants it back, he needs to earn it. Tonight, let’s make it Si vs. 3.
Alberto says no but Ethan calls him out for not wanting to fight. That’s still a no because El Patron is here to fight the big dog. Ethan shoves him down and a fight breaks out with security breaking it up. That’s FINALLY enough for the match to be accepted. Now why in the world did this not happen LAST WEEK? If El Patron can beat Carter, at least it sets him up as a title contender instead of just throwing in another WWE reject to the main event.
Eddie Edwards talks about how he wants to make Impact great.
We go to a meeting with Bruce Prichard, Dutch Mantel and two other people who seem to have authority. Ignore last week when Mantel flat out said he was NOT an authority figure. Basically they don’t know how Decay got the Tag Team Titles (they don’t know their own stories) but Prichard knows how to figure it out.
JB gets a phone call telling him that EC3 vs. El Patron is on tonight, much to Josh’s annoyance.
Video on the history of Tyrus and Eli Drake. There’s enough between them for a history package?
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. vs. Eli Drake/Tyrus
Kid and Garza are from the Crash promotion in Mexico and this is their debut. Drake and the Kid start things off with Laredo snapping off a headscissors. Josh mocks JB for wanting to talk about the international partnerships before it’s off to Garza. Eli misses a charge and falls out to the floor for a suicide dive. That’s followed by a moonsault to the floor from Laredo but Tyrus knocks the Kid out of the air.
Back from a break with Laredo getting thrown across the ring in a good looking Tyrus suplex. Drake drops a jumping elbow but takes too much time talking, allowing Garza to come in off the hot tag. Eli takes him down as well but accidentally hits Tyrus. That means there’s no one to tag, allowing Garza to grab a rollup on Drake for the pin at 11:03.
Rating: C-. Hey, did you know that Garza and Kid are from Crash? Ignore the fact that maybe fourteen people watching this show have heard of Crash outside of the Hardys going there a few weeks ago of course. Garza and Kid were fine but nothing that hasn’t been done several times before.
Josh says that was stupid.
Video on Eddie Edwards, Moose and James Storm appearing for Pro Wrestling Noah as part of the new talent exchange. To TNA’s credit, this is pretty impressive and WAY better than their agreement with Wrestle-1.
Kayci Quinn vs. Brandi Rhodes
Quinn is making her debut. We hear about Brandi’s education, which includes degrees from the University of Michigan and the University of Miami. Not bad. And never mind as Cody comes out to say this isn’t happening. Cody isn’t happy with Impact Wrestling pimping out the Rhodes name because he’s going to do it instead. He tries to give Quinn $45 (“It’s $20 more than they were going to pay you.”) before moving on to Moose. Cody: “Moose claims that he’s in Japan. I AM JAPAN!” Cody wants Moose back here for the Grand Championship. Brandi tries to apologize to Quinn as they leave.
Back from a break with Rosemary destroying Quinn. Thankfully this gives the announcers another chance to argue while Quinn is looked at. JB says law and order is coming soon.
Ethan Carter III wants to make Impact great.
Ethan Carter III vs. Alberto El Patron
I’m surprised this isn’t the main event. Patron gets in a quick dropkick to the back for two and they’re already on the floor. We take a break a minute in and come back with Carter punching him out of the air and stomping away in the corner. Carter says this is HIS house and they head outside again with El Patron sending the arm into the post and steps. Back in and Patron cranks on the arm but has to shove away the 1%er. A backdrop sends Patron to the floor and Carter rams him into the announcers’ table for good measure. Back in and Patron enziguris him off the apron to send us to a second break.
We come back with Carter winning a slugout but getting caught in a Backstabber. Patron misses the top rope stomp though and the TK3 knocks him silly. There’s no cover though as Carter hits a second TK3 for no cover again. Instead he goes to grab a chair but changes his mind, allowing El Patron to grab the cross armbreaker for the tap at 21:50.
Rating: B-. NOW WHY DIDN’T THEY DO THIS LAST WEEK??? Patron wins a long match by beating someone who is still a big star which should put him into the title picture. Now it would feel right to have him face Lashley for the belt but as usual they did the whole thing backwards. Also it would have been nice to have a good match on the relaunch show instead of the messy Alberto vs. Lashley match but again, why go with what makes sense?
Alberto applauds Carter and says that was one of the best matches of his career. Carter takes a few seconds but shakes Alberto’s hand.
Reno Scum says they’re here for the titles and call themselves the perfect combination of athleticism and violence. That took twenty seconds and told me more than I learned about them all of last week.
Ethan is frustrated in the back but Bruce Prichard gets in his face and shouts a bunch of stuff we can’t hear.
Madison Rayne wants to make Impact great again.
JB says “she” is going to be here next week.
X-Division Title: Trevor Lee vs. Andrew Everett vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Suicide
Lee is defending and this is one fall to a finish. And yes, they brought back SUICIDE because that character was begging for a revival. Allie is here with Sutter but Shane Helms seems to have lost his Gregory in the relaunch. The champ gets triple teamed to start and we hit the heavily choreographed sequence where no one can make any contact because it’s well rehearsed.
Suicide dropkicks Everett and bulldogs Sutter for two. Pope goes on a rant against Suicide because they had a falls count anywhere match back in the day but the mask kept Pope from knowing when he was hurt. We get a nice fake out with Suicide teasing diving onto Everett but instead falling backwards onto the other two. Everett hits a big springboard shooting star onto all three as we take a break.
Back with Josh plugging Schitt’s Creek and Everett eating a Superman Punch. Lee gets powerslammed so Everett goes up top, only to have Lee get caught on Sutter’s shoulders for a Tower of Doom. Cue Laurel Van Ness (still in the wedding clothes) to distract Sutter though and a jumping knee to Braxton’s head retains Trevor’s title at 12:50.
Rating: C. I am so sick of the X-Division doing the same stuff over and over. How many times have you seen the exact same stuff over and over with the title having no real story to it? Oh and well done on capitalizing on Sutter and Allie being the hottest thing in the promotion by having Allie just be a valet and Sutter taking the fall here when you have freaking Suicide right there.
Post match Sienna comes out to warn Allie and Sutter of upcoming pain. Laurel is very pleased.
Moose wants to make Impact great again. I get what they’re going for here but maybe they should stop talking about how great it’s going to be and actually do something great.
Here’s Bruce Prichard to address the Tag Team Title situation. See, titles are won and lost in the ring, not in space and time (The Hardys won the matches in wrestling rings you nitwit. If you’re going to call a story stupid, at least get the details right.). Josh points out that Bruce too the title from Alberto in a board room on Monday but of course that’s not brought up elsewhere. Anyway the titles will be decided in two weeks but here’s Decay to interrupt. They rescued the titles from space and time so they should just be handed the belts now.
Prichard looks terrified of Rosemary but here’s Reno Scum to cut them off. Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid come out to say they want the belts too and a brawl breaks out. Decay stands tall but here’s LAX (Homicide and Konnan) for the big return, followed by three more members coming in from behind to help in the big beatdown. Konnan says they’re serious “like a late period” to end the show.
Overall Rating: C-. This was better than last week but not by much. Let’s get the good things out of the way first: Josh was WAY less annoying this time around and that makes the biggest difference in the world. He was still doing the heel schtick here but it was far less annoying and felt more like a heel I can get annoyed by rather than one that’s ruining the show. Keep it around this level and he could be valuable down the road.
Second, they had a good match. Alberto vs. Ethan wasn’t anything great or a masterpiece of any sort but it got time, told a story and was entertaining. It gives El Patron some more credibility and should set him up for a rematch with Lashley, though I have a feeling they’ll wait until Slammiversary because a former WWE star (a company they barely mentioned this week for another positive) deserves that kind of a spot you see.
As for the negatives….there are still a lot of them. The X-Division is as worthless as it was before (though the match wasn’t bad) and Allie and Braxton went from the most popular people in the company to just more names on a list but one problem outshines them all: these new people aren’t interesting. Reno Scum are every “we’re violent and a bit crazy” team I can ever remember and the luchadors might as well have been named Uno and Dos. Maybe they’ll grow on me over time but I really see no reason to care about them.
That brings me to LAX, which was an interesting choice for a big surprise reveal. They got a nice reaction from the crowd but do you really want to bring in part of an act that was a big deal ten years ago? It could be interesting to see where they go but I’ve never been a big Homicide fan in the first place.
The show was far less bad but it’s still really not very interesting. Like I said, the company needs to stop talking about how great things used to be/how great they will be and start doing something great. There are interesting things going on but this weird mix of new people who aren’t interesting and the leftovers from the old era isn’t working yet, though it’s still early.
Results
Laredo Kid/Garza Jr. b. Eli Drake/Tyrus – Rollup to Drake
Alberto El Patron b. Ethan Carter III – Cross armbreaker
Trevor Lee b. Andrew Everett, Braxton Sutter and Suicide – Knee to Sutter’s head
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